#over coming self harm

[s0fter-sin]

the 141 recovering brainwashed!soap but he’s just a shell of his former self; never speaking, never moving without orders. he never even blinks; just stares straight ahead with his unnatural green eyes.

empty.

but ghost can't accept that.

price and gaz can't stand watching ghost torture himself day after day; visiting soap in his cell for hours at a time, trying anything he can think of to bring back his sergeant.

he shows him pictures of the 141 but soap thinks he's being given targets and moves to eliminate them before ghost stops him. he brings him his journal, tries to trigger his innermost thoughts and feelings he never shared with any of them, but after he reads it, soap summarises it like he's giving a mission briefing. impersonal.

cold.

it's late when ghost finally calls it; low and defeated after another long day of being stared at with eyes that don't see him. he isn't thinking when he pulls his mask off and harshly scrubs over his face, grinding his palm into his eye.

"don't worry, johnny; we're still fixin' each other's problems," he promises, little more than a whisper as he tries to summon the energy to leave johnny behind. again.

he pushes himself to his feet, his hand on the door handle when-

"what's my problem?"

ghost freezes, something like grief - something achingly closer to hope - chilling him. he slowly turns and though soap is still starring ahead, there's a faint light in his altered green eyes.

"the mask," he forces out. "take it off."

he knows there's no way to remove the mask - the muzzle - from his sergeant's face. it's too high-tech, even for them; the biometric scanner too advanced for any bypass they know of.

it's just another way he's failed him; bringing him home still bound in their enemy's chains.

soap- jolts; a sharp, almost painful looking flinch jerking his body.

"show my face?" and his voice has changed; no longer the monotone delivery that's haunted ghost's every waking moment.

it's smaller. uncertain. recollection of a memory half-destroyed.

"yes, johnny," he breathes.

soap moves unprompted for the first time since they found him; running his finger along the edge of the muzzle where his skin bulges from the pressure, half-visible scars hidden beneath the harsh metal.

"ugly," he murmurs.

ghost immediately shakes his head, almost stumbling back to the table; haphazardly throwing his mask on it. "quite the opposite," he insists.

it doesn't matter if he has no lower jaw left at all; johnny could never be ugly in his eyes.

agonisingly slowly, soap's eyes shift to the mask. he takes in the balaclava and hard shell skull like for all the times he's looked at it since his rescue, he never truly saw it. his lids fall in less of a blink and more stage curtains closing; slow, heavy, requiring effort and no small amount of strength to open once more

"good... to see you again..." he trails off, his hand shifting up to the top of his shaved head; nails digging unforgivingly into his scalp

"simon," ghost finishes for him; that horrid grieving hope tearing at his heart

soap's fingers flex and a drop of blood trails down his forehead, over the ridge of his nose to catch on the muzzle. "s-simon..."

his nails dig deeper, the drop falling to the table just to be followed by more and ghost aches to stop him but he's terrified to interrupt him. terrified to lose him now when he's so close to something.

soap's bloodied nails scratch down the crown of his head, following the line of his stolen mohawk until they come to rest on the back of the muzzle and ghost's heart drops.

they can’t get it off.

they can't get it off and he doesn't know how to explain that to soap; doesn't know if he can stomach watching soap pull at the monstrosity holding him captive, the inevitable bloodbath as the edges cut into his skin.

"show my face," soap repeats.

"johnny..." ghost begins weakly, reaching out to him but he doesn't know how, doesn't know if he even should-

the muzzle clatters onto the table.

the biometrics they couldn't bypass, the fingerprint they needed that they were so sure belonged to makarov.

it belonged to soap.

how cruel to torture him with freedom he didn't understand he could take; didn't even understand he could want.

just the kind of sick game makarov loves.

ghost doesn't know what's louder; his heart pounding in his ears or the long, uninhibited breath soap takes.

his eyes fall shut as he leans his head back with it, the blood still dripping down his face as he straightens through his exhale. his lower jaw is a mess of scars where he fought against the previous iterations of the muzzle, the corners of his lips cut through and cracked.

but the green in his eyes is duller; that light sparking brighter as blue struggles to break through the glow.

ghost's never seen anything so beautiful.

"good to see you again, johnny."

[nyatbinary-81]

@vulpixisananimal sifstem art jumpscare!! more specifically i got bored and decided to mess around with sif and mal's outfits.

[uncanny-tranny]

Like obviously the whole "they're just doing [x] for attention!" is completely asinine because humans are social creatures who need attention to some capacity, but also... in your narrative, does everybody do things specifically for your attention? When somebody does something drastic or shocking, is it not because they're desperate for help but just because they crave your attention specifically? Does the sun rise and set at your command as well?

[blackhholes]

Self-Injury in Teen Wolf

“A Hideous Torture on Himself”: Madness and Self-Mutilation in Victorian Literature by Sarah Chaney / Representing the Unrepresentable: Self-Harm as Affect by Laura Wilson / Damaging the Body Politic: Self-Mutilation as Spectacle by Alexandra Gray

Written for @teenwolf-meta‘s Meta May Monday theme: pain.

The idea of pain making you human was introduced into the show when Derek said "And that's what keeps you human- pain." to Scott in the season one episode The Tell. It's a concept which is repeatedly brought up throughout the show and might actually be one of the more consistent facets of werewolf lore seen within the show.

When lycanthropic characters are incapable of relying on their anchor to tether them to their human side, they can instead draw on their own pain, often self-inflicted, to avoid the consequences of shifting. Throughout the show the character shown to utilize this the most is Liam. He's often incapable of controlling his anger and as a result is incapable of keeping in touch with his humanity, meaning that he's pushed to the edge of self-injury more often than other characters.

Another instance where we see characters inflict injury on themselves, or others, is when they need to trigger their healing. As seen in the season four finale when Kira is unable to heal after being attacked by berserker-Scott, where she then has to cut up her hand with a shard of obsidian for the rest of her body to heal. This is interesting because it visualizes a clear disconnect between the body and the self, the self which needs to heal can only communicate this with the body through more pain and injury.

Lydia is also seen injuring herself in season two when she's being controlled by Peter. When she's awoken by her mother her sheets are covered in blood and it's then revealed that she punched her mirror with no recollection of it. This serves as a narrative red herring as it's revealed later in the same episode that the Kanima hates its own reflection, but on a personal level it also shows the viewer the disconnect Lydia is experiencing between herself and her mind.

[theokusgallery]

:)

[averlym]

,,, little lemmings in line...

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

“i’m an ally to disabled people!” mhm ok so you’re still masking then? oh you’re not? interesting

[all-thestories-aretrue]

Soooooo I wrote this incredibly self-indulgent thing about Miles. I have many feelings about how he keeps himself so tightly in control. It's gotta go somewhere.

Disclaimer it's quite dark, so mind the trigger warning and keep yourself safe <3

TW: self-harm, not what I would consider graphic descriptions, but it is the central theme and way more than a mention

The lock clicks. He slips his suit jacket off. Loosens then removes his tie. Untucked, buttons undone. It’s all laid out on the bed. Step by step. Shoes set to the side and trousers swapped for silken pajama pants.

The bathroom door closes behind him. The second lock between him and the world. The shower comes on. Towel laid out on the counter.

His drawer, second down on the left. He pulls out the small black bag. Gold zipper. Supple leather. Inside, his collection. Three packs of new razor blades. An open pack of blades; used ones tucked into the back. A single hypodermic needle. A crafting knife. Two unopened band aids.

The rest of the drawer’s contents is ignored, antiseptic and suture kits, butterfly closures and rolls of gauze, in favor of practiced hands sliding the tin of blades from the bag and the blade from the tin.

He sits on the toilet, lid down. Elbow straight. Fist clenched. The first slice with a small inhale. Bright and sharp and stinging. Familiar and comforting. Line after line as red blooms from the wounds. The ecstasy second only to the Kiss. Rivulets follow gravity down. Strategically placed tissues catch the mess.

Stained crimson, they fall into the waste basket. He flexes his wrist, testing the pull of the broken skin, blots the last of the blood away. Blade inspected and stowed; everything returned to it’s place. Pajamas folded on top of the toilet, he steps into the shower.

[milkbreadtoast]

Hey guys, i found out too late but webtoon is doing an event for their 9th anniversary where u can unlock 9 episodes for daily pass series instead of 1 (resets at 7pm, so if u unlock 9 right now u can unlock 9 more at 7pm today)... but it's ONLY for the month of july (i found so late im sorry😭😭) so there's like 3 days left...

but I rly recommend checking these series out and unlocking as many daily pass eps as u can before july ends!!!

The Makeup Remover: This is like (one of) my fav webtoons EVER... u have to read it its got everything... Funny, cute art style, insightful + refreshing writing + social commentary that hits hard... A riveting story that reminds me of sports anime tournaments... AMAZING pacing and paneling/visual storytelling... extremely compelling well rounded characters, especially FEMALE CHARACTERS!!!, who have such incredible character dev, I cried so much bc I love them so much and it just hits so hard.... even the romance is well written even tho it's not the focus (unlike what the webtoon categorization says)... JUST READ IT PLS ITS MY FAV... It stuck w me long after I first finished it... and I'm on my 3rd read now and it hits just as hard as ever, I love it so much TT

When the Day Comes

Rly good slice of life... Even if u don't normally like slice of life genre, I think this is rly worth a read for everyone. I love the author's subtle, realistic writing style and pacing, they make even the smallest moments have impact and u can tangibly feel how each chara is feeling... It's a real treat to read and even if nothing else, the art and art style is GORGEOUS!!! Soso good and insp. But the writing is also really good, so it's a real gem... Also there's a canon lesbian chara who's rly well written and I love her deeply...

[pepperpixel]

Rabbit!!! I was looking back thru my original art tag on tumblr and saw her and realized I rlly wanted to draw her again!!! This time tho… kinda converting her into like… a replacement for evil me lol?? Like. Usually I’m my own stress ball blorbo that I draw in various predicaments to vent and shit… but idk!!! I thought.. it might be nice to have like… an actual character to draw that stuff w.. so, she’s slightly based on myself.. (but heavily.. HEAVILY simplified and warped ghgh-) and also slightly based on other tropes and character types I like seeing. She’s just a lil stress ball I can squeeze or have squeeze others when im feeling weird..! And idk! I think that’s a good thing to have lol (and I mean. Evil me already is that. But.. I also think it’s probably good to have a character like that who doesn’t look exactly like me ggH-)

[snowyleopardess]

I don't have the confidence to write it, but eeeurgh I'm being haunted by skk daemon AU

No one at the ADA has ever seen Dazai's daemon, and he always gives 'mysterious' answers or jokes when asked. A lot of people just assume it's small, like an insect, and learn to ignore it. Sometimes interacting with Dazai can be hard, their own daemon awkwardly standing around, unable to connect their hearts. Every interaction with Dazai has a shallow feeling. He kinda creeps regular people out.

Chuuya's daemon never really seemed to suit him. Any time he met new people, there would always be a split second where they paused when they looked at chuuya's daemon. It wasn't scary or concerning, just...off somehow. Like a puzzle piece you can make fit but doesn't line up right with the picture right.

The thing is- Chuuya doesn't actaully have a daemon. Dazai left his daemon with Chuuya when he left. Chuuya doesn't even remember his daemon... if he ever had one. (more fuel to the poor guys' clone trauma)

I'm thinking crow for the daemon, very smart and capable animal, and it seems to suit Dazai.

But I've also thought of an... elephant. They're smart too, but also the sight of Chuuya using his gravity to float his daemon up to the window of whatever building he's in so they're not left out makes me want to cry laugh. You always know where Chuuya is because of the fucking elephant floating outside the building. Chuuya's even more powerful in this AU from constant practice floating the elephant and having to deal with more attacks because people always know where he is.

I've also thought of a bat, but more just because Chuuya would look so fucking cute with a bat hanging off his hat taking a nap.

Still not sure if the daemon should be male or female.

Dazai has always kept his daemon at arms' length, physically and metaphorically. He separated from his daemon at a very young age. Seeing dark era Dazai without a daemon made him even more terrifying.

Dazai hates his daemon. He never seemed to feel comfort from his daemons like others did, he never seemed to feel much of anything around them. His daemon could be even more stoic then him. Daemons were supposed to be beings of emotion, the manifestation of your heart. So Dazai resented them. In his worst moments, he even hurt his own daemon himself just to feel

s o m e t h i n g.

But Dazai was right- his daemon is the manifestation of his heart. His heart is just so hurt. It can't hide like the human half of him can. So his daemon is very quiet and avoidant. Dazai hates that vulnerability being on display.

But there are some times that Dazai feels through his daemon. And that's when Chuuya touches them so gently. Chuuya is absolutely fascinated with daemons because he never had one. Dazai was never one to uphold boundaries or social rules, so he practically goads Chuuya into touching his daemon after an accidental brush one time. He's reminded that he even has a heart, because it feels warm, not just numb. Chuuya loves his daemon so much. Chuuya's touch is so addicting its terrifying, but it chases away the crushing apathy for just a moment.

So when Dazai leaves, he leave his daemon with Chuuya. Chuuya's so panicked at first, what does it mean when someone gives you their heart but still leaves you?

So he loves and cares for Dazai's daemon like Dazai couldn't. And Dazai's heart and mind finally start to heal.

[viktoriamagrey]

"Sannan Keisuke's problems are not actually really his arm or the Water of Life, bro just has self-esteem issues and is prone to depression/spends most of the game depressed" is arguably the truest and most accurate piece of unmentioned canonical lore about Hakuouki. Change my mind.

[monachopsissssss]

heres a fun idea instead of unlearning my unhealthy behaviors and fixing my self and coping and working through my trauma hows about i run away, disfigure my face, change my age and name, burn down my life and carve a new personality for myself and also reassemble my organs while im at it. like i need to at least replace my heart and slice open my liver. and never look at the sky again ive basically done it before i can do it again

[topflights]

the big brother took over

[thickenmyblood]

hiuh this hiuh that FUCK HIUH!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID U PUT IN SOMETHING WICKED MACA JESSUSHS

THAT'S MY FAV FIC I'VE EVER WRITTEN OTHER THAN FOR WANT OF A NAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it was a multi chaptered fic!!! it was originally called "the hazards of solitude" but I quit at around 80k lol and then when I told maya (@laurent-ofvere) about it she really liked it so I rewrote it as a one shot for her bday. but yes!!! I LOVE THAT FIC I wish someone would fucking write it for real as a 100k story!!!!!!!!!!

[averlym]

whshdfhfjf.,,,