#OKAY BUT ALEC IS ALWAYS SURPRISED WHEN PEOPLE DEFEND HIM AND HIS RELATIONSHIP

[arialerendeair]

CLALEC BROTP PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! It can be them roasting Jace, or eye rolling at stuck up Clave officials. Or Clary goes up to defend Alec first, even before any of his siblings, against a begoted Shadowhunter.

Clary reading the riot act to some bigoted shadowhunters for Alec?  Defending Alec, especially?  SIGN ME UP LETS DO IT! 

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

It was irritating enough to book one of the training rooms for sparring with her parabatai and not have that time respected, but even more so when the shadowhunters visiting from another Institute didn’t bother to let her warm up.  Clary gave them a look as she focused on the punching back in front of her, ducking under an imaginary blow before she landed two more punches.  

“Hey there, what’s your name?” One of them called. 

Clary rolled her eyes and scoffed in his direction.  “Busy,” she grunted, landing another hard punch.  

“Come on, come talk to us while we wait for your Institute Head,” Another one called out.  “Not like you’re busy.”  

“I’ll be sparring with my parabatai in a few minutes,” Clary said, giving them all a look.  “And you’re interrupting my warm ups.”  

The tallest man in the group snorted.  “Look at that, little kitty got claws.”  

“This kitty will show you just how sharp her claw are if you don’t cut it out,” Clary said, narrowing her eyes.  

“Oh please,” The tallest man spoke again.  “You’re Clary Fairchild, aren’t you?  You think someone who has been a shadowhunter for a couple of years stands any chance against one of us?  We’ve been training since birth!” 

Clary stood upright and glared at him.  “Well, you know my name, and it would be a pleasure to learn yours....” 

“Bridgestock.  Kyle Bridgestock,” he said, raising his chin.  

Clary hummed and turning away from the punching bag.  “I think I absolutely stand a chance against you.  Training with the best shadowhunters in the world does give you that advantage.”  

“The best?” Bridgestock asked, snorting.  “You think Lightwood and his siblings hold a candle to any of us?” 

Clary laughed.  “I know all three of them could wipe the floor with you in under a minute.”  

“Shows how little you know,” he mocked. 

Clary crossed her arms over her chest and raised an unimpressed eyebrow.  “Maybe you’ve forgotten who they are?  Isabelle Lightwood, my parabatai,” she grinned, watching their eyes widen.  “Absorbed Holy Fire and used it to kill Lilith, nearly at the cost of her own life.  Jace Wayland,” she stressed the name and took another step forward, tossing her ponytail over her shoulder.  “One of the greatest shadowhunters ever to live.” 

Motion behind the men made her glance up as Alec and Izzy joined them in the room, but she wasn’t about to stop now.  

“And Alec Lightwood-Bane, youngest Head of an Institute in centuries, Jace’s parabatai, and a man who didn’t hesitate to walk into a demonic realm to rescue his sister and husband,” Clary finished, smiling at them.  

Bridgestock rolled his eyes.  “Oh yes, precious Alec Lightwood,” 

“Lightwood-Bane,” Clary corrected.  Far too many shadowhunters liked to conveniently forget about Alec’s name change, and she, Jace and Isabelle were on a crusade to make sure it stuck. 

“Lightwood,” Bridgestock continued.  “Who decided to tarnish his family name by marrying a downworlder.  A, ah, “well-known” downworlder, known more for his parties and partners than any-” 

In an instant, Clary had the Seraph blade at her hip pointed at Bridgestock’s neck.  Her voice and eyes were hard.  “Magnus Lightwood-Bane is the warlock who saved Idris.  He closed the rift and saved everyone in Alicante and beyond.” She took a deep breath and tightened her hand on the sword in her hand.  

“Don’t let me catch you insulting any of them, or you’ll regret it,” Clary promised, her eyes dark as she lowered the sword, turning back towards the punching bag.  

“Alec Lightwood took me in, and despite reservations and me making life very, very difficult for him in the beginning, has helped to support me in a way that almost no one else did,” she continued, looking over her shoulder at Bridgestock and his friends.  “I owe him my life, and more importantly, he is a friend.  You insult him again?  You answer to me.” 

“And what are you going to do about it, little miss Fairchild?” Bridgestock taunted.  

“Enough,” Alec snapped, striding forward, glad when all five men jumped to attention in an instant.  

Clary had her stele out in an instant, drawing a rune in the air before she launched it at the five men, knocking all of them to their knees, smirking when they opened their mouthes to protest and no sound came out.  

Alec turned to Clary with raised eyebrows.  “New rune?” 

Clary hummed.  “They didn’t have anything nice to say, so I thought they didn’t need to say anything at all.”  She looked to the group of men, now staring at her in fear and winked.  “It’s a variation on the soundless rune, but it silences voices rather than movement.  I’ll draw it for you later.”  

“Sounds good Fray,” Alec said, winking at her.  “Enjoy your training with Isabelle.”  He turned back to the men, crossing his arms over his chest.  “Let’s go.  You are all on ichor duty for the remainder of the month, and when that rune wears off, I expect you to keep your opinions to yourself.  Understood?”  

He waited until he got nods from all of them before leading them out of the training rooms.  

Clary turned to Isabelle, about to make a comment when she found herself being hugged tightly.  

“Thank you,” Izzy whispered.  “And he won’t say it either, at least not right now, but that’s a thank you from Alec, too.”  

“You’re my family,” Clary told her, giving her a tight hug back.  “I’ve got your backs just as much as you have mine.”  

[bytheangell]

My Latest Mistake

(Read on AO3)

“Alec…” The voice that reaches him from his office is soft, hesitant. Alec isn’t sure if it’s because Jace is too busy tip-toeing around him over everything with Magnus, or because he’s still embarrassed over getting bested by an art student who only learned about the Shadow World a few months ago, but either way he’s tired, and isn’t sure he can deal with any more just then.

“Can it wait?” Alec sighs, glancing down at his desk at the mountains of papers in front of him. There is no shortage of reports to file - about Isabelle’s undercover investigation into Glorious and taking down Aldertree, of Jace’s undercover operation to follow Clary and Jonathan, of the fact that they lost Clary and Jonathan, and now have to account for the potential kidnapping of the Seelie Queen… it’s a lot. It’s too much, but at the very least it’s a distraction from the fact that his personal life has fallen to pieces around him.

“No.” Isabelle says, coming up behind Jace. Her face is solemn, more serious than he’s seen in days, even when he first brought up Asmodeus’ ultimatum to her.

“Look, if this is some sort of intervention, we can just skip the theatrics and--” Alec starts, only to be cut off by Jace again.

“It’s not. But it is about Magnus.” Jace looks nervous. So does Isabelle. If this was just about him, just about his relationship, then they wouldn’t be so hesitant to barge in and try to put him in his place. He knows his siblings better than that.

“What is it? Is he--” Alec starts, but the words fall short. He’s lost the right to ask about Magnus, to know how he’s doing, what’s going on in his life, the moment he cut things off between them. “It isn’t my business. Please, you two, I know you mean well but just--”

“He has his magic back, but he’s with Asmodeus.” Isabelle says.

It takes him a few moments to process that statement. That’s impossible. Asmodeus is in Edom, unless…

“A warlock was found dead in her shop in the city. Upon further investigation there were signs of a rift opening, of stronger demonic energy than we’ve registered since Lilith. We tapped into some cameras in the city and tracked the last person to enter and leave the shop at the time of her death. He followed Magnus through the city… it’s Asmodeus. We’re sure of it.”

Alec’s mind is blank. What happened? How did he get here? Was it something he did, something he said, that allowed him to break his banishment in Edom? Or did Magnus bring him here, calling to him in his time of need? Alone, with no one to turn to but the only family he has left?

...did Alec drive Magnus to this?

“Thank you for telling me, I-” but his words fall short again. He should tell the Clave. He should warn them, gather every force they have to defend against the Greater Demon the way he failed to do with Lilith… but he falters, again, the same way he had before when Jace was the one at risk.

This isn’t what he wanted. He didn’t make a deal to get Magnus his magic back only to send him into the arms of a abusive, neglectful father. He didn’t give him his powers only to pit him against the Clave.

“...what do you want us to do?” Jace asks, as if reading his mind. And maybe he is. Bond or not, Jace always had an uncanny ability of knowing what he’s thinking. It made them terrors at the Academy, and especially for their mother, but now he wishes nothing more than to keep his thoughts to himself. He doesn’t want anyone to know the pain he feels… or the guilt.

“Who else knows?” Alec asks, his tone teetering carefully between hopeful and fearful. If no one knows they can cover it up, but at the same time if no one knows then it falls solely on them to decide the fate of the entire Shadow World in this moment. One gives him two choices, and the other makes the decision for him, forcing his hand.

“Just us, and Underhill. He’s the one who tracked surveillance,” Isabelle says.

“Show me.”

“Alec, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Izzy says, shooting a nervous glance in Jace’s direction. “Show me.” He repeats, and this time he’s standing up, back straight, voice stern. It isn’t a request. He needs to see the consequences of his decision.

“...Alright.”

It’s a quiet walk to the security room where Underhill looks both surprised and horrified to see Alec stroll in through the door.

“He wants to see the footage,” Jace tells him, the look on his face making it very clear that this isn’t up for debate.

“Fine. But don’t shoot the messenger,” Underhill says, rewinding a series of surveillance tapes before hitting play.

Alec watches Magnus get his magic back, feeling some small flicker of hope for the first time all day.

“He did it,” Alec mutters under his breath, the smallest smile flashing across his face.

It doesn’t last long. Asmodeus tracks Magnus’ magic signature, following him at a distance to the love locks. Alec feels every last ounce of hope inside him burn away with the lock on the ground. His chest is tight and he can’t fight the tears that fall silently at the sight, remembering the words Magnus uttered before engraving them with his magic.

The same magic that turned them to ashes now in his wake.

It isn’t any easier to watch him meet with a Silent Brother - over what they don’t know, there’s no audio on the cameras they tap into, only images. But it’s clear that Magnus isn’t okay. It’s clear that even with his magic he’s still distraught.

This was supposed to fix things. Magnus is supposed to be happy again. Whole again.

What went wrong?

They lose the cameras when Magnus disappears, only to pick them back up again with Magnus walking next to Asmodeus. There’s no magic binding him, no sign of coercion. They’re just walking, side-by-side, and when the finally come to a stop it’s for Magnus to open a portal that he patiently waits for Asmodeus to step through first before following through and closing behind them. The tape cuts out, and Alec leans forward, eager for another glimpse of the man he loves, for any sign of where Magnus is right now and proof that he’s alright. The timestamp shows this footage as within the hour.

Alec’s eyes are glued to the screen but when he finally pries them away the others in the room are all focused on him, watching and waiting for his reaction. No, more than that - they’re waiting for instructions, because now it’s up to him what they do about his ex-boyfriend gone rogue with his Greater Demon father.

He knows they’ll keep this quiet if Alec asks him to… but can he? What kind of leader does that make him if he does? Does he want to leave behind the legacy as the only Head of the New York Institute who habitually put the well being of Downworlders before that of his own people?

Is he capable of doing anything else, when the Downworlder in question is Magnus Bane?

“Thank you for telling me.”  Alec still doesn’t know what he’s going to do.  

“I’m so sorry, Alec,” Izzy says, reaching out for him. He doesn’t fight her embrace, but he doesn’t return it, either. He doesn’t deserve the comfort, not when he’s the reason for the pain in the first place.

“Don’t be. I made my decision. Magnus has his powers back. It’s what he wanted… it’s what he needed. What he does with them now isn’t up to me.”

“Alec, just tell him about--” “No! I can’t, Izzy, I- I won’t. I won’t take this away from him.”

He’s never felt so lost. So helpless. Magnus has his magic back but Alec knows the sort of person Asmodeus is. He knows what Magnus thinks of him, what he feels about him. How low must Magnus be to turn to his father for comfort? For acceptance?

Or, Alec shudders to think, for companionship?

“We can’t make the same mistake we did with Lilith,” Alec says, his voice resigned. “Underhill, alert the Clave about Asmodeus. This is a serious threat to the entire Shadow World… to the entire world.” This is his fault. He was selfish. He was foolish. So eager to give Magnus what he thought he needed he played right into the hands of a Greater Demon. This couldn’t be a coincidence…. It had to be something he did. Something he missed, that allowed Asmodeus to come here now.

How could he be so stupid?!

Of course Asmodeus would swoop in as the savior, returning Magnus’ magic to him, his life, his very soul. He played the savior at the expense of Alec’s love, and Alec let him. He practically handed Magnus over on a silver platter, abandoned and betrayed and vulnerable.

This wasn’t Asmodeus’ doing, not entirely, Alec realizes. He’s just as much to blame.

“Where are you going?” Jace asks, face pulled tight with concern as Alec pushes past them into the hallway.

At least there’s one thing Alec is entirely positive of right now, in a sea of doubts. He can trust Isabelle and Jace to do what needs to be done here. The Institute can take the lead in tracking down Asmodeus. But as for him?

His loyalties are owed elsewhere.  

“I’m going to save Magnus.”

[alexanderlightweight]

Dancing in the Dark

Flufftober Prompt/Day 1: Dancing

The air was bitingly cold, sharp and fresh and the sky so clear that even here, in the middle of the night they needed no light other than the stars and moon.  

The valley stretched for what seemed like forever and ever until it reaches the distant edge of the forest.  Their own private and protected world and Alec hummed to himself as his fingers intertwined with Magnus’. Magic coating and protecting their skin so that they could hold hands without fear of the cold.

“It’s beautiful,” he said softly.  It felt as though it would be almost sacrilegious, to speak too loudly and break the peaceful and ethereal mood around them.  The moonlight cast a glow to the snow covered ground and it reminded him of Magnus’ magic.  

Calm and blue and endless.

“It is,” Magnus replied and something in his voice made Alec look towards him, catching glowing amber eyes watching him adoringly.  He stepped forward, pressing close and Magnus’ free hand reached up to pet and tangle with the tufts of hair sticking out from his hat.  “This place is near timeless, Alexander. As are you now. The years will touch you both but because of magic, it will never show on the outside.”  

Magnus retreated, just for a moment and Alec felt himself ache in response to his husband’s sudden melancholy.  

A single blue orb formed in his husband's palm and then Magnus touched it to the ground.  What had once been a naturally glowing valley turned iridescent as it lit up with magic and power.

“Just like this place, the years will gather inside you, Alexander.  As untouched and unchanged as this valley looks, even from hundreds of years ago, if you know where to look you can find the magical residue of the centuries that have passed.  There are still scars and wounds and at times even loneliness. This place has witnessed war and birth and love and heartbreak, just like you will. As beautiful as it is, as you are, it still has to bear witness to the horrors of the world and weather the continual upheaval of time.”  

“Magnus,” Alec said softly and he brought their joint hands to his lips and placed a soft kiss to his husband’s knuckles.  “Forty years and I’ve never regretted joining you in immortality. Sometimes I’ll wonder what would be different, how things would have changed or if losing people would hurt less.  But there’s no guarantee for any of it except that as an immortal I get to be here.   The most important part of my life will always be to be by your side.”

It didn’t surprise him or fill him with insecurities as it once had, for Magnus to bring up what he sometimes considered as Alec’s sacrifice.  Alec knew that even though Magnus was happy that they were immortal together, his husband also had deeply seeded insecurities. Fears and worries that he’d tentatively expressed at the beginning of their joint immortality and then hidden and brushed aside when Alec hadn’t changed his mind.  

Those thoughts hadn’t surfaced again until the first long fight they’d had -a decade into Alec’s immortality- and Alec had taken a few days after their argument to wander in his thoughts and to plan.  It was what he did, in life and in his relationships. He made battle-plans for either an apology or possibly a counter argument, or both depending on the disagreement.  Now, years later he couldn’t even remember the reason for their fight, just that of course he’d returned to Magnus and that it had been more quickly than his husband had apparently been expecting.  

Once again, after their reconciliation, Magnus had hidden his fears behind a bright smile, teasing kisses and an elaborate dinner.  Yet a decade of loving each other and of trusting each other had betrayed him and Alec had known something was still wrong. From the way Magnus held him, stronger than usual, to the fact that his kisses were even more fervent and his control on his magic so frayed that they hadn’t left the loft for the two days his glamour had refused to come back.  

Finally, Magnus had admitted his worries and concerns.  Things that he had thought might be too selfish to bring up when it was Alec who was leaving his mortality behind.  Fears that he wouldn’t be enough, that decades down the road resentment and bitterness would grow, or that beyond that, Alec would grow disenchanted with immortality and their relationship.  Things that Magnus didn’t quite believe but that bothered him nonetheless. The horrible and lingering fear that Alec might come to regret committing what could now be centuries to one person, after only a couple decades of life.

Understanding had warred with exasperation.  They trusted each other but even trust couldn’t fix the fears and insecurities that rose in their minds and emotions.  All of Alec’s love wasn’t enough to heal Magnus’ past hurts or future concerns and it had taken years for Alec to be okay with that. His own insecurities interfering with logic until enough time had passed and he understand that it wasn’t a personal failing, just a normal factor of being alive.

After all, they were all valid concerns.  

Even though there were parts of Alec that had wanted to brush Magnus’ worries aside as absurd, he knew anything that caused Magnus’ forehead to crease with worry and his sleep to be unsettled was more than worth addressing.  Every little fear that haunted his husband was worth defending against and alleviating. Just as Magnus had always been patient and encouraging through his troubles with him, Alec was the same in return. Consoling his husband and reminding him that they would work through whatever problems immortality brought, just as they had worked through all the other issues of their relationship.  

After all, they’d found their way through the centuries between their ages.  Survived the wars that they’d both fought in, even when on opposite sides. They had overcome hatred and bigotry and withstood and worked through the turmoils of a new and complex relationship, one filled with sacrifices and enough love to withstand Edom.  Time was nothing compared to that but an opportunity. A chance to make more memories and overcome future trials and let their love grow even more.  

“Dance with me?”  Alec asked and he pressed close to Magnus, grinning with soft, loving humor as he felt Magnus respond and place a hand to the small of his back.

“Well,” his husband said softly, a sniffle hidden behind his smile, “at least there’s one thing to be said for immorality.”

“Oh, and what’s that?”

“That after nearly half a century I’ve finally taught you how to dance outside of my dreams.”  Magnus said and Alec’s outraged denial was cut off as Magnus twirled him in his arms and then dipped him low, laughter in his un-glamoured eyes and the sorrow that had followed them on their midnight adventure dispersing into the air.  

The snow beneath their feet never gave out, molding to their soles as they danced under the moon and stars.  

[ketzwrites]

Rewatch 112: Malec

Love. That’s it. That’s the comment.

No, of course it isn’t.

Teaser

I’m still surprised by how neatly Jace and Clary’s arrival with the Mortal Cup tied things up, but hey, let’s get right to the wedding, then.

We’re underserved when it comes to Jace and Izzy interactions and this one is as impersonal as they come. I want some follow through on Alec saying Izzy is his sister, not his and Jace’s. I want Izzy talking to Jace about his finding out he is Valentine and Jocelyn’s son. Anything more than this bland “Jace is angry, Izzy is not.”

Act One

Clary seems at peace now that Jocelyn is safe. Not happy, of course, but her tone of voice is calmer, more centered. Good acting on Kat’s part in a season she is mostly known for butchering.

Funny how Alec and Clary were smiling at each other and, you know, having a sort-of-friendship in this season only for the writers to go “nope, Alec is back to completely and only hating her” on the start of the next one.

Now, I don’t get this move on Magnus’ part. In their last conversation, he tried to talk Alec out of sacrificing himself. Alec didn’t listen. Now Magnus is… seducing him out of sacrificing himself? Why is Magnus this invested in Alec? I’m glad he is, but why?

Magnus says he will not ask again, but then there is never a scene in which Magnus asks Alec what his choice is. There is only Magnus being passive-aggressive.

Why doesn’t Clary tell Simon she and Jace are siblings? By what she says in this phone call, it sounds like they had a fight. Good thing Simon knows what’s going on.

Jace and Clary are so awkward. I love it.

Interesting how Magnus protests Ragnor being the list, but not Catarina or Tessa. It’s purely Magnus being an ass to his friend.

Alec and Magnus are so awkward. I love it. Still don’t understand why Magnus would act entitled to Alec’s love like this, but I love it.

Awkward exposition delivery by extraordinarily pretty Izzy. I see you, Ed Decter. Good move.

Alec’s jokes are so underrated. Platinum, Turning over a new leaf, Sisters can really drive you nuts sometimes. All very witty, all deserve more recognition.

When you first watched this scene, could you imagine that Jace was right? Jocelyn really didn’t want her son Jonathan. Well, that Jonathan wasn’t Jace, but the point is: Jocelyn really is the asshole that Jace paints her to be. Valentine didn’t even have to lie about that.

Act Two

I honestly see Jace’s discomfort in discussing his feelings for Clary as being nauseated by the notion that he fancied his sister. Not an “I still love her, so I feel bad”. A “how could I think I was in love with my sister?”

Why is the fire green? Because it’s a wink to Ragnor being green in the books. It has to be because green fire on green grass looks awful.

Subtle changes in your eyes? Subtle? Also, if Jocelyn and Ragnor met in the early 90s while they lived in Idris, that means they met while Jocelyn was a Circle Member. Why is Ragnor on her side??

I love how the characters say “the Book of the White”. Everyone says it like it like it’s one word “debukofdewyt”. I also love the friendship between Magnus and Ragnor.

I wish we’d seen something that warned us Jace, Clary, and Magnus were being followed. It would make Ragnor’s death less sudden and, thus, less ridiculous. A warlock considered more powerful than Magnus shouldn’t die out of the attack of one Shax demon.

Act Three

How does Izzy still think the people in Institute are her family when they sat and watched in silence that farce of a trial almost derune and exile her?

Question: if Lydia is Head of the Institute, wouldn’t they have to run the mission to Ragnor Fell through her anyway? In fact, wouldn’t they need her permission? I’m just saying, anyone with high enough access could’ve learned about this mission from looking at the files. We know the mole was Hodge, but it’s a possibility that Jace, Clary, and Izzy should’ve entertained.

There’s no way Lydia would “slip up” with the way Clary conducted that conversation. It’s almost as if Clary doesn’t think Lydia is guilty and just wants to give her a Shovel Talk on behalf of Alec.

“Alec’s love for his family and his desire to restore the Lightwood name have touched me in ways I haven’t felt in a long time” is so uncomfortable to hear coming from a straight woman about to marry a gay man.

Simon ordering around vamps and borrowing Raphael’s clothes is so confusing to me. Does that mean he and Raphael are friends now? Friendly? Is Simon fitting in? What is this?

Regardless, the first instance of Izzy and Simon being friends.

I still don’t get if Ragnor’s apparition is supposed to be magic or if it’s supposed to be a figment of Magnus’ imagination.

Goddammit. I don’t care about Alec and Jace’s friendship. I have no idea what their relationship was before Clary showed up – or rather, the little that I know comes from Simon saying that Jace treats Alec like a lap dog, Izzy defending Alec from Jace, and Jace saying that Alec would die for him. None of that makes me want Alec and Jace to be friends the way they were before.

Okay. I’m not on board of Alec equating his feelings for Magnus to Jace’s feelings for Clary in this context. They are talking about a normal love between two men equated to romantic love between siblings. Those things are not equivalent and that should’ve been pointed out.

What I am on board with is Alec hijacking the conversation and shifting it from Clary to Magnus and Jace going along with it. This is the first and only conversation Jace and Alec have about Alec’s feelings.

Act Four

I absolutely love this scene with Magnus and Ragnor. The only way to make it better would be to link this conversation about love to Magnus grieving for his lost friend.

Maryse being proud of Alec in these circumstances breaks my heart.

Simon’s little smirk over catching Jace staring makes him look like a douche. Congrats, man. The girl you like isn’t in a relationship anymore because she and her boyfriend found out they are both kids of a psychotic blood supremacist who messed up her boyfriend’s mental health. How fortunate for you.

The Malec Kiss. Enough said. Okay, just one thing. I’m glad Magnus didn’t burst in saying he objected to the wedding. He walks in as if he’s just coming to the ceremony and seems genuinely surprised it has already begun. Then, it’s Alec that takes the opportunity and puts an end to this madness.

Act Five

The order of reactions immediately after Alec’s coming out: Magnus. Maryse and Robert. Izzy. Simon??

I’m not going to lie. I shipped Lydia and Jace the first time I saw this scene. I did.

I adore this shot of Magnus’ hand and the objects burning into existence. And the fact that Magnus’ presence in the Institute continues to miraculously make Alec lose pieces of clothing. First, it was his shirt, now it’s his jacket.

So, nobody questions Clary about the Alternate Dimension? Neither Magnus nor Alec has any reason to have known she went there.

Again, I wish there was more of a build-up to an attack on Lydia. Someone following her. We could even learn it was Hodge here. Maybe he pretends to go check on her and then attacks her? Just something so this doesn’t come out of nowhere like this.

Act Six

When I first read the books, I read “JC” in Portuguese in my mind. “Jota Cê.” That’s very different from “Jay Cee”. I don’t know if I would have caught that Jace = JC had I read it in English. I kind of want it to be mentioned earlier in the show just to be dismissed like “Jonathan Christopher was a very common name at the time” or something like that, but I understand the dramatic value of having Jace make the connection now.

Not to be that person, but Jonathan’s hair is in that box. Izzy is a forensic scientist. She could’ve done a simple DNA test to check if the famously manipulative Valentine was telling the truth.

Just as with Alec and Jace’s friendship, I never saw enough darkness in Jace to believe it when he says it has always been there. Arrogant? Yes. Emotionally constipated? Definitely. Evil? Nope. Not the guy who warned Simon about Izzy’s cooking, that studied the Seelies culture, that risk everything for a girl he was crushing on.

Alec standing up to his parents is a delight. Funny how Maryse was the clear villain while Robert is the more sympathetic parent. Not going to call him all the way supportive, but he at least tried to understand what was going on. Also, the little interactions between Alec and Magnus. sdsa;ksk my heart.

Yes. This exchange between Hodge and Luke. This is what Hodge should’ve done with Lydia. By now, we’d be watching Hodge in action and yelling for Luke not to go. Though, there is no reason for Hodge to invoke Valentine in the middle of the training room. That’s kind of a public place in the Institute. You’d think he would be more careful.

[takaraphoenix]

Can you give us a sneak peak on Mundie Experiances? Please?

*rubs hands together* Oh, of course I can!

“The Mundie Experience”, that AU where Jace, Izzy and Alec are sent on an undercover mission at a mundie high school, years prior to show-canon, and end up befriending Clary, Simon and Maia (because I prefer the idea of Maia befriending Clary and Simon through Luke when she first joins the pack)!

Alec stared longingly at Jace from his spot in theaudience. Jace had officially joined Rock Solid Pandato play the keyboard. And he looked so pretty at the keyboard,grinning in that cocky way, his stone-washed black jeans hugging hislegs just the right way as he stood behind the keyboard. Maureen andSimon were doing some kind of cover of some mundie song, while Jace,Eric, Matt and Kirk were playing in the background. Clary next to himgiggled and nudged him.

“What?”, asked Alec with a frown.

“So, does he know you’re head over heels in love withhim?”, asked Clary.

Alec stiffened andstared wide-eyed, before he turned to glare sharply at her. “I’mnot… I’m not in lovewith Jace. Jace is my… best friend. That’s all.”

Clary laughed at that,before she saw the look on his face. “Wait. You’re… You’reseriously not even admitting it when confronted? Wow. Okay. I didn’texpect you to be thatdeep in the closet. I thought you and Jace might just keep yourrelationship on the down-low.”

“There is no relationship”, barked Alec tensely.

“You should tell him then”, interjected Maia, stilllooking at the stage and not at Alec. “Because I don’t think thatboy will catch on on his own if you don’t spell it out for him.”

Gritting his teeth,Alec suddenly got up and left the gym. Stupid school. Stupid concert.Stupid mundanes.Outside, Alec paced for a long time, trying to calm himself down.Sighing, he slid down the wall and just sat behind the gym. He didn’teven startle when someone sat down next to him, so close their armswere pressed against each other. Jace’s presence immediately calm himdown.

“Were we so bad you had to run off?”, asked Jacejokingly.

“You were amazing”, muttered Alec softly.

“…Yeah?”, asked Jace, sounding nearly bashful.

“You’re always amazing and you know that”, huffedAlec, nudging Jace. “Your play is perfect.”

“So, what did Clary say to make you this angry?”,wanted Jace to know, worry in his eyes as Alec turned to look at him.“I could feel the swirl of emotions from you and Izzy said you weretalking to Clary before you ran off but she didn’t hear what you weretalking about.”

“Just… she… sheannoys me”, growledAlec annoyed, fingers clawed into his jeans.

“…It’s not because she’s gay, right?”, asked Jacetentatively.

“W—What?”, sputtered Alec stunned, turning tostare at Jace.

“It’s just… you’ve been weird about Clary and Maiaever since we first saw them kiss and you’re always watching themwith an extra-grumpy look on your face”, continued Jace. “Youglare at them so darkly all the time and… now you ran out on hertalking to you?”

“I…”, started Alec, genuinely baffled and lost forwords.

“Look”, sighed Jacegently and turned to fully look at Alec, resting a hand on Alec’supper arm. “This isn’t… This isn’t Idris, or the Institute.Mundies are different. I know you think that people liking their owngender is wrong because it’s what we get taught, but it’s differentfor mundies. Clary and Maia loving each other is totally okay here.There are just a couple jerks giving them a hard time, but that’s theexception and not the rule.”

“I…”, started Alec again, staring at Jace like hewas growing a second head.

“I know, I mean, Iwas surprised at first too, about how… open they get to be aboutit”, assured Jace with a smile. “But I’m sure you’ll get used toit too, Alec. You’re nota homophobe. You’re a good guy, Alec. You wouldn’t hate someone forwho they are, that’s not who you are.”

Alec couldn’t believethey were having this conversation. Was Jace seriously beingprotective of Clary and Maia? For being gay? Thinking that Alec hadprejudices against them for it…? Sure, Alec had been glaring atthem intensely, but mainly because he had been watching, baffled thatwhat they were doing was okay.Not because he was judging them or disgusted (well, at some instancestheir PDA went way too far and he in fact was disgusted because therewere things about girls that Alec neverwanted to see in his entire life).But Jace, giving Alec a talk to about… This was surreal.

“I’m gay”, blurted Alec out without even thinking onit.

There was nothing tothink about. Even if he wasn’t going to admit to his feelings forJace, but this was probably the perfect opportunity to at least tellpart of his truth. Jace was his parabatai, he had to tell him. Andwhen Jace was passionately defending the gays, how could Alec not…?

“…What?”, asked Jace slowly, blinking confused.

“I’m… gay. I like… boys. Not girls”, mutteredAlec, heart beating hard in his throat as he said it aloud for thefirst time. “That’s why I keep staring at them. Because it’s so…strange, to see them be so public about something I’ve had to hideall of my life.”

“Oh”, grunted Jace, nodding. “Uhm. I… did notexpect that. Wow. I… I want to ask why you never told me, but Idon’t want you to feel guilty for not telling me sooner. Because yougotta do that kinda stuff in your own time, or something.”

“Yeah. That”, nodded Alec awkwardly.

“Okay”, nodded Jace and pulled Alec into a hug.“Thanks for telling me.”

“But… why are you… I mean, so acceptingof…”,started Alec unsure.

“I like guys too. And girls”, shrugged Jace whenthey parted, frowning curiously. “I thought you knew. I mean, I’vebeen sneaking around the Institute and all.”

“With… boys?”, asked Alec stunned, eyebrowsraised.

“Yeah. When Aline’s cousin Sebastian was visiting lastyear”, nodded Jace, cheeks flushed. “I mean, we just… fooledaround a little, but… yeah. I like boys too.”

Alec just nodded and gulped hard. He suddenly rememberedfinding Sebastian and Jace in the library, giggling when Alec hadfound them. He had thought they had been up to no good, butapparently, Alec had interrupted them doing something else entirely.The thought somehow tasted even more disgusting than Jace with thegirls he brought home.

[half-bakedboy]

everything that i want (but didn't think i'd find)

Chapter Six

Rated: Teen Warnings: None Summary: Combat medic, Izzy, worked side by side with her pilot brother, Alec, to ensure the safety of the country and the most important people in their lives; their family.

Alec was starting a family with Magnus—a man Izzy never imagined her brother ending up with—and when the opportunity for them to get married on short notice during Izzy and Alec's summer block leave, Izzy couldn't have been happier for them. Izzy and Alec would make their way home to celebrate the momentous occasion and Izzy could leave everything behind without a second thought like she had when she was eighteen.

Falling in love with Magnus' sister, Clary, was never part of her plan and that threw her off kilter.

To say things were perfect was both an exaggeration and an understatement. 

It was an exaggeration because things had never worked out for Izzy before. She was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to blast either her or Clary out of the happiness bubble they had been in the last few days. 

It was an understatement because every single moment Izzy spent with Clary was everything she could have wished it to be. 

After the waterfall trip, they spent even more time getting to know each other under the guise of prepping for their brothers’ wedding. They were helping Alec and Magnus out as much as possible which really meant sneaking behind Maryse’s back to make sure the two of them could have the wedding they had dreamed of and not the wedding Izzy’s mother wanted for them. 

In that time, Izzy fell even more for the feisty and talented redhead that wormed her way into Izzy’s life. It was impossible for her to stop once she had let her guard down. Every second spent with Clary had her heart flipping and her stomach filled with butterflies she never expected to feel. She hadn’t let herself truly feel so much for another person in years but with Clary, it felt… easy. Like there was no universe in which the two of them didn’t connect the way they had since they met. Everything was so wonderful that Izzy had forgotten why she had kept people at arm’s length in the first place. 

That was until Maryse showed up on her doorstep one afternoon a few days before the wedding. Izzy panicked, eyes darting around to where she had the boys’ newly fixed suits and the golden and blue accents decorating every inch of the living room. She backed away from the door, hoping that Maryse would give up, waiting but she should have known that would never happen. 

“I know you’re here, Isabelle. I saw you through the window even through the horrendous colors you’ve got around. Let me in,” Maryse chastised and Izzy winced. 

Clary peaked her head out and whispered, “Should I go?” 

“Grab the suits and hide them in your room. I can handle the rest,” Izzy said, acting quickly by pushing the wheeled mannequin housing Alec’s suit after Clary as she did the same to Magnus’. “Just one minute, mom. Clary just needed help with something. I’ll be right there.” 

“I don’t have all day, Isabelle,” Maryse said, her tone clearly unimpressed. Unfortunately, Izzy knew the sound all too well. 

“I’ll be here if you need me,” Clary reassured. She ran her hand smoothly down Izzy’s arm before squeezing her hand. The small gesture was enough to calm Izzy as she made her way over to the front entryway, letting out a breath when she heard Clary’s bedroom door shut behind her. 

“It’s about time,” Maryse said, clicking her tongue as she pushed her way inside. 

“Please, come in,” Izzy muttered with a roll of her eyes. A passerby would have thought Maryse witnessed murder with the dramatic gasp that left her lips, her perfectly manicured hands covering her mouth. 

“What happened to the vases? The napkins? Even the tablecloths have been ruined?! Isabelle—”

“Izzy—” She corrected, though it didn’t really matter because Maryse continued on. 

“—Your brother is going to be devastated when he sees what you’ve done to his wedding!” 

“Alec wan—” Izzy composed herself with a breath, not willing to throw her brother under the bus when their mother was already strung out. “I wanted it to be a surprise. These are the colors they associate with one another and I thought it would be—”

“Oh, you thought? Did you ever think about what this would do to your brother?” Maryse asked before scoffing. “Of course you didn’t because you only ever think about yourself, just like you always have.”

“Are you kidding me?” Izzy asked.

“I’ll have to talk to your father,” she began as she tore at the banner on the wall that Clary had worked incredibly hard on. “He can probably order us some new centerpieces and table arrangements in black and white, possibly get a rushed order in through one of his contacts.”

Izzy could practically see the wheels turning in her head as she destroyed the carefully crafted centerpieces that would house the painted flowers they specially ordered. She wanted to scream, to stop Maryse from ruining something else in her brother’s life, but her mother’s words were spiraling around her head and she couldn’t stop them. 

“How could you be so selfish? Alec and Magnus trusted you to make their day perfect and now you and that gypsy sister of—”

“Clary isn’t—”

“I would notice her handiwork anywhere, Isabelle. There’s no need to defend her. I can see her influence on you already. You’ve always been one to go against everything you’ve been taught so I should’ve figured you’d let her ways cloud your judgment,” Maryse said easily as if Izzy wasn’t about to spit fire. 

“Her ways? What exactly is that supposed to mean, mother?” Izzy pushed. 

Maryse waved her hand and said consideringly, “You know how artists can be. They’re flighty and like to pull people down with them on their journey to nowhere. That’s not who you are, Isabelle. You’re going to do great things once you can transfer over to med school and—”

“ Enough!”

“Isabelle,” Maryse shouted back, “what has gotten into you?” 

Izzy scoffed, “I’m trying to protect my brother from our overbearing mother. That’s what’s gotten into me!”

“Overbearing? Because I want my children to reach their full potential and won’t settle for less?” Maryse retorted like that was an actual argument for her case. 

“We’re not settling, mom. Can’t you see that? Alec isn’t settling for Magnus and we’re not settling in our careers. Everyone else in the world can see that we’re happy and satisfied with what we’ve done with our lives except for the one person that is supposed to care about that.”

“You think I don’t care about you now? Why would I allow this wedding to happen if I didn’t care? Why would I try to convince both of my children to not risk their lives every day if I didn’t care, Isabelle.”

“Izzy,” she interjected, but that didn’t stop Maryse from pointlessly defending herself. 

“You always do this, both of you. I do my best to keep this family together and you all pull away from me like I’m the problem—”

“Because you don’t keep us together, mom!” Izzy yelled exasperatedly. “All you do is push us away, from you and dad.”

“It’s not my fault that you’re not as close with your father anymore, Isabelle. When are you going to stop blaming me for that?”

“How about once you stop blaming us for your crappy relationship with him?” Izzy shot back. 

Maryse gasped and shouted, “You will stop talking to me this way right this instant!”

“It’s a miracle it’s taken me this long. Alec and I have done everything in our power to try and maintain the relationship we have with you and all you do is push . You push us away, you push us in directions we don’t want to go, you push at our insecurities and our weaknesses. You’re barely a parent anymore, mom,” Izzy admitted, tears welling up in her eyes. 

“I didn’t— I don’t— That’s not true, Isabelle.”

“ Izzy,” she corrected immediately, “Everyone calls me Izzy and I’m a combat medic in the United States Army with no plans to be a doctor. And my brother, Alec? He’s one of the best pilots the military has ever seen and he’s never going to follow in dad’s footsteps like you keep trying to force him to.”

“Is— Izzy,” Maryse whispered, shaking her head and pressing a hand over her chest. 

“Alec is getting married to a wonderful man who has an extremely talented and kind and practically perfect sister that I’m falling in love with. Magnus and Clary aren’t going anywhere,” Izzy ignored Maryse’s gasp in favor of walking to the door and holding it open, “and if you can’t accept either of those facts, you need to leave. Now.”

Without another word—like Izzy had been expecting—Maryse walked out the door, a mixture of anger and sadness in her eyes that wasn’t enough to have Izzy feeling anything but relieved by her disappearance. She shut the door and leaned back against it, sliding down until she was sitting on the ground. Her eyes were closed, but she still heard the soft click of Clary’s door opening and the gentle patter of socked feet making their way over. 

“If you’re going to ask if I’m okay, the answer is yes,” Izzy said, still not bothering to open her eyes. Her head and heart hurt a little too much to deal with the brightness of the apartment or the sympathetic look she was bound to see on Clary’s face. 

“I was going to say that you’re incredibly brave for standing up to her like that; for yourself, for Alec, for… me.” Clary slid down the wall next to Izzy before reaching over to lace their fingers together slowly, as if giving Izzy that chance to pull away. She wouldn’t have dreamed of it. 

“I guess it’s pointless to hope you didn’t hear all of that?” Izzy asked, a small humorless laugh escaping her lips. 

“It was kind of hard not to,” Clary muttered, “but I’m glad I heard what I did. I know I don’t know the entire story, but I’m really proud of you.”

“For alienating my mother even further?” Izzy leaned her head against Clary’s shoulder, reveling in the comfort it provided her. She wasn’t sure when Clary became one of the only people in the world who could calm her, but she was immensely grateful for her and the way she leaned right back. 

“No,” Clary whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Izzy’s hair, “for being as strong as you are. I’m proud of you for not relenting to her even though it’s clear you care about her and what she thinks of you—” Before Izzy could deny that, Clary shot her a glare and said quickly, “You don’t have to pretend with me, Izzy. I know you care about very few people and unfortunately, Maryse is in that group.” 

“You are, too,” Izzy said; quietly, but surely. Clary nodded and nudged Izzy’s chin up with her fingers gently. She placed a delicate kiss onto Izzy’s lips that seemed to ease every pound of stress off of her shoulders and caused her stomach to flutter with happiness. 

“I heard you… What you said,” Clary whispered, stopping Izzy with another soft kiss on her lips when Izzy tried to turn away in embarrassment. She brushed their noses together and scrunched up her face in that adorable way Izzy loved before she continued, “I wasn’t sure, you know. You spent so much of this summer dealing with me, I didn’t think that—”

“After I took you to the waterfall? My self-proclaimed favorite safe place? After that kiss? You still thought I didn’t like you?” Izzy asked, flabbergasted by how oblivious Clary was proving to be. 

Clary blushed and hid her face in Izzy’s shoulder, muttering, “I knew you at least thought I was pretty.” 

“That’s one word for it,” Izzy said with a roll of her eyes. She pulled Clary’s face away from her neck so she could look into her beautiful green eyes and make sure she really heard the sincerity in her voice. “I think you’re beautiful. I think you’re what I had been searching for my entire life, but never let myself have. I spent the entirety of this summer loving the hell out of you, unable to stop it, so,” Izzy took a deep breath in and held Clary’s hands firmer in her own, “this is me, giving in and telling you that I—”

“I love you, too!” Clary interrupted like she couldn’t wait to tell Izzy the good news. 

Clary kissed her more fervently than she had ever been kissed and crawled into her lap as if she couldn’t stand for any part of their body to not be touching, but Izzy didn’t mind. She wrapped her arms around Clary’s back and kissed her back just as passionately, threading one of her hands through Clary’s fiery hair and running her tongue along her bottom lip slowly.

Izzy wasn’t sure how long they sat there, Clary nestled in her lap while her back was still against the front door, but neither of them seemed to care. 

Until a knock resounded through the room and down Izzy’s spine that was still connected to the door. 

“Do we want to know what you’re doing down there?” Magnus’ voice teased through the door. 

“One second!” Izzy yelled, wincing as Clary stood and pulled her up with her. 

Her legs were like jelly—from Clary on her lap or from Clary on her lap , she couldn’t be sure—as she fixed her shirt that had ridden up her stomach. Clary flattened out her dark hair and Izzy couldn’t resist doing the same to the red strands that flew in every direction from Izzy’s fingers. She also couldn’t resist kissing her again, both of their giggles resounding through the apartment. 

“If you want us to come back later…” Magnus began, but Alec gagged exaggeratedly before he could finish. 

“This is still technically my apartment and I still have a key. I swear to god if you two are anything but fully clothed, I’m going to—”

“Will you relax, big brother?” Izzy teased as she slowly pulled the door open, laughing as Alec pushed his way in. 

“Your darling mother called, insisted that you were ruining the wedding, and then hung up,” Magnus explained because Alec was too busy going through all of the decorations and centerpieces before attempting to find the tuxes. 

“Did she see them? Did she take them?” Alec asked, panicked. Izzy could hear it in his tone, see it in the way he stood up soldier straight even with Magnus’ comforting hand on her shoulder. As if sensing Izzy’s own anxiety tick up, he asked, “Are you okay?” 

“Your mother is a piece of work and it’s a miracle that both of you are so damn likable,” Clary interjected, sliding her hand into Izzy’s. They ignored the way that Alec and Magnus’ eyes both darted to where they were joined. 

“She came here and was less than happy at the new plan. I’m sorry, Alec, I tried to convince her—”

“What did she say to you?” Alec asked, guilt replacing the panic. 

“It was nothing I couldn’t handle, Alec,” Izzy said, though even she had a hard time believing it. 

“She was amazing and your mother left here with her ass handed to her,” Clary chimed in, a bright smile on her face that Izzy couldn’t help but match. She blushed and that time, Magnus took notice verbally. 

“Alright, do we have to give you guys the talk?” Magnus asked. 

Clary scoffed, “I’m pretty sure neither of us are blushing virgins, bro.”

“That’s not what he meant, Fray,” Alec choked out, both Lightwoods blushing wildy at Clary’s words. 

“Oh, I know, but it was important to me that I made you both as uncomfortable as possible.” 

Izzy stopped for a moment, just admiring the way her brother swatted playfully at her… girlfriend. If that’s what they were. It must have been, really, because Izzy didn’t want her to be anything else. She watched as Magnus wrapped his manicured fingers around Alec’s bicep and pulled him away and the way Alec slumped into Magnus’ shoulder like he’d just been witness to a horrible crime. 

As per usual, her eyes found Clary. But that time, Clary was staring right back at her. 

There was a mixture of concern and awe, a hesitation in the way she bit down on her lip like she shouldn’t be smiling even though it was the only thing keeping Izzy sane. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Clary’s waist before pulling her in and placing a passionate kiss on her lips. She ignored the way their brothers gagged (Alec) and cheered (Magnus) in the distance in favor of focusing on how Clary fell into her like they were made to be wrapped around each other. 

After a few minutes, the noise stopped and as Izzy pulled away, she tried to find Alec and Magnus, worried for a moment that they had left. Instead, she saw them sitting on Clary’s bed, wrapped up in each other just as much as she and Clary had been, with velvet boxes in each of their hands. 

“I forgot to tell them we got the final wedding rings in,” Clary whispered as she rested her head on Izzy’s shoulder and wrapped an arm around her waist. Izzy tossed hers over Clary’s shoulder and leaned her head so that her lips could press against Clary’s beautifully bright hair. 

“They love each other so much, don’t they?” Izzy asked. 

She had believed it, seen it with her own two eyes before that moment, but something about the way they grew even closer each second Izzy saw them together had her believing in soulmates for the first time. 

When she glanced over to see Clary gazing at her, she believed it for the second. 

“You know,” Clary began, pressing a kiss to Izzy’s hand as she led her to the couch, giving their brothers the moment that they deserved, “Magnus was right about one thing,” she said. 

Izzy glanced over at Clary, smiling when she lifted their joined hands to her lips to place a gentle kiss on the back of Izzy’s. 

“What’s that?” Izzy asked.

“He said that the wedding could be nothing less than perfect because Alec left you in charge,” she explained. Then, after a moment, she added, “He also said that you were going to be exactly the kind of person I needed in my life.”

“And was he right about that, too?” Izzy asked, knowing her voice was more hopeful than it had ever been. 

Clary nodded and whispered, “Yeah, you’re everything.” 

[caitspodcastlist]

Other

99% Invisible

99percentinvisible.org

From Radiotopia

Caitlin's rating: 5/5

"99% Invisible is about all the thought that goes into the things we don’t think about — the unnoticed architecture and design that shape our world." -99% Invisible website

Aside from Phoebe Judge, Roman Mars is probably my favorite podcast host. He is so talented, and 99% Invisible tells so many interesting stories that as soon as I listened to my first episode (Squatters of the Lower East Side), I was hooked. There are so many things around us that we neglect to notice, and Roman Mars gives us all a chance to learn more about our surroundings. This podcast helps you stop and smell the proverbial flowers. Favorites of mine:

The Trials of Dan and Dave (57:01) - In 1992, Reebok had an ad campaign with two decathalon athletes. Super interesting. I've asked several people if they remember it (not old enough myself) and most of them say yes, so it's amazing to see how much of a lasting effect this ad campaign had. The power of advertising! This is a 99% invisible/ESPN 30 for 30 episode.

The Pool and the Stream (34:46) - Swimming pools changed skateboarding.

In the Same Ballpark (29:34) – The evolution of baseball parks in America. I love love love this episode.

Squatters of the Lower East Side (30:32) - People were illegally living in NYC and eventually came to own the places they were staying in basically by relentlessly defending their residence. POSSESSION IS 9/10 OF THE LAW.

Curious City

wbez.org/shows/curious-city

From WBEZ Chicago

Caitlin's rating: 3/5

"[Curious City's] mission is to include the public in editorial decision-making, make journalism more transparent and strengthen multimedia coverage about Chicago, the surrounding region and its people (past or present)." -WBEZ website

Again, a hit or miss for me, probably because I don't live in Chicago. Listeners send in their questions about Chicago (e.g. Where does all the poop go?), and Curious City answers them.

What Happens to the Lincoln Park Zoo Animals in the Winter? (5:39)

Chicago Bathhouses: More Than a Century of Sanitation, Sex, and Sweat (13:37)

What Happens to "Number 2" in the Second City? (9:03)

A Lot You Got to Holler

design.newcity.com/a-lot-you-got-to-holler-podcast

From Newcity Design

Caitlin's rating: ??

"The podcast explores Chicago’s singular history of architecture, design and urbanism, with an emphasis on pop culture." -Newcity Design website

To be honest, I never listened to this one, but it's on my list because it sounds like a Chicago version of 99% Invisible.

Love and Radio

loveandradio.org

From Radiotopia

Caitlin's rating: 3/5

"Love and Radio features in-depth, otherworldly-produced interviews with an eclectic range of subjects, from the seedy to the sublime. You’ve never heard anything like it before. New installments are added monthly." -Love and Radio website

Love and Radio is interesting because there's very limited narration. The story starts, and you basically have to figure it out as it goes on. I've liked the episodes I've heard, but it hasn't hooked me like some of the other shows. Recommendation:

Relevant Questions (46:05) - Polygraph expert helps people cheat the system. This is the same guy who is in the polygraph episode of This American Life mentioned above, but not the same broadcast.

Snakes!!!!!!!! (33:48) - Guy self-immunizes with snake venom.

A Girl of Ivory (42:16) - Polyamorous relationship with an unexpected twist.

Part Time Genius

parttimegenius.show

From How Stuff Works

Caitlin's rating: 3/5

"Every episode packs incredible research, fun-filled quizzes, nerdy interviews and a giant, head-scratching question into one superfun show." - Part Time Genius website

I don't particularly like the humor in this show, but it does have some interesting fun facts, and I definitely learned something new every time I listened. Recommendations:

Was Mr. Rogers the Best Neighbor Ever? (41:52) - BRB sobbing

What are the Greatest Things We Just Learned about Japan? (40:41) - OMG at the baseball story. That cracked me up.

How Did Putin Come to Power? (42:32) - Between this and watching Icarus, Putin terrifies me.

Is Recycling Worth the Hassle? (47:11) - Shoutout to this episode for putting me on even more of an environmentalism kick. I am especially trying to reuse plastic grocery bags now and, sadly, throwing them in the trash whenever they've finished their purpose.

What Are the Most Surprising Jobs at the White House? (43:39) - I already knew some of this thanks to Veep. :) But it was still good.

Science Vs

gimletmedia.com/science-vs

From Gimlet

Caitlin's rating: 5/5

"Science Vs takes on fads, trends, and the opinionated mob to find out what’s fact, what’s not, and what’s somewhere in between." -Gimlet website

I LOVE Science Vs! Another show with an Aussie host, this show is pleasant to listen to and always helps me learn more. Wendy interviews doctors, scientists, and other experts to back up her material. They break down the science-based evidence in a way that any audience can understand without being condescending. Favorites:

Opioids: How America Got Hooked (45:56) - Did you know that in 2016, opioids killed more people in America than AIDS did in its most dangerous year?!

The Bee-pocalypse (31:44) - Bees are dying, and you should care.

Vaccines - Are They Safe? (35:09) - Short answer: Yes.

The Rise of Anti-Vaxxers (32:24) - My eyes are rolled all the way back into my head right now.

Abortion: What You Need to Know (46:07) - Understanding the process is important, in my opinion, especially in this political climate. Don't make claims for one side or the other until you know the facts of how it works!

Strangers

storycentral.org/strangers

Formerly from Radiotopia, but now from Story Central

Caitlin's rating: 5/5

"Each episode is an empathy shot in your arm, featuring true stories about the people we meet, the connections we make, the heartbreaks we suffer, the kindnesses we encounter, and those frightful moments when we discover that WE aren’t even who we thought we were." -Story Central website

Strangers is so fascinating to me. It tells the stories of people. Usually they're stories that I can't relate to, but the people in these stories still have the same feelings that we all experience, so the stories aren't irrelevant. They're funny, they're said, they made me angry. Any time of show that evokes this type of emotion is a winner in my book. Lea's voice is soothing in the same way that Phoebe Judge's is. She talks about her personal life some, and I know that's appealing to some listeners. Personally, I'm more "Get to the story!" but that's okay. The wait is worth it. Favorites:

Franky Carillo - Life (34:39) and Franky Carillo - Life Now (29:35) - Guy serves 20 years in prison for a crime he didn't commit.

Kugel vs Khaled (37:52) - Alaa Khaled aka Alec Ledd talks about how he had to change his name to hide his ethnicity and break into acting.

Claire Obscure (57:31) -

Twelve Years On (33:44) - A refugee Somali family moves to a white neighborhood in Vermont

Eleven Up (1:07:51) - A family adopts children from another family, and then the families make plans to move in together.

The Truth (50:03) - A family divides when a member gets accused of the worst thing possible

Lex (35:06) - What do you do when you think your child is capable of being violent?

Claire Obscure (57:31) - Girl grows up with very abusive family, changes her identity so that her dad never finds her. Super intense.

The Son, The Goddess, and Leopoldo (47:37) - Guy is born into a lesbian witch coven, lives in communes with his mother, and eventually becomes an attorney.

Spooked

spookedpodcast.org

From WNYC Studios and Snap Judgement

Caitlin's rating: 4/5

"True-life supernatural stories, told first-hand by people who can barely believe it happened themselves." - Snap Judgement website

Whether you believe this kind of stuff or not, the stories are interesting and creepy. As a huge Stephen King fan, this appealed to me. The narrator, Glynn Washington, is amazing. He also hosts a show about Heavens Gate, which I tried to listen to, but it gave me nightmares about the cult I used to be in. Womp womp. Anyway, here are my favorite Spooked episodes:

Spooked: A Friend in the Forest (29:56) - Weird appearance of a boy who was supposed to be dead. Narrator is Irish.

Spooked: Lost in Time (36:37) - Two people walk into a bar that time warps.

Spooked: Final Act (35:26) - An EMT gets lost and someone who is supposedly dead helps her.

Wait Wait . . . Don't Tell Me!

npr.org/programs/wait-wait-dont-tell-me

From NPR

Caitlin's rating: 3/5

"NPR's weekly current events quiz. Have a laugh and test your news knowledge while figuring out what's real and what we've made up." -NPR website This one's okay. I subscribed to it so that I could prep for bar trivia (don't judge). I like that they have celebrity guests on the show. The newest episode has LeVar Burton (9:44), and I am stoked to listen to that! Bradley Whitford's episode was good, too. He's so problematic for me because I love him in West Wing, but I hate him in Get Out. Such a skilled actor.

[lesbianalinex]

Why do u think Cassandra Clare's portrayal of LGBTQ+ isn't good?

Anonymous asked: Why is Casssanderia Clare characters bad representation for LGBT+ characters?

Well… this is gonna be long so, I’m warning you now! Also, this isn’t even half of the reasons why I don’t like her.

And book fans, before you come at me, read this, I will know if you haven’t.

Why Cassandra Clare’s Portrayal of LGBTQ+ Characters Is Problematic, with receipts. 

I’m gonna start simple with the way she handled Raphael being Aromantic and Asexual, technically, this isn’t even canon in the books. She posted it on Twitter. That was it. That was how much she cared. She had an entire story in The Bane Chronicles dedicated to him but still, all it got was a tweet. Which she literally confirmed was just a headcanon. [source] 

In advance, here is basically types of biphobia in general. That I won’t include here, just for the length of the post.

Alec is very biphobic. There are several slut shaming incidents towards Magnus, especially in City of Fallen Angels. A memorable moment that immediately comes to mind is when Alec finds out about Camille and Magnus’ past. I believe this is when Alec finds out about Magnus’ sexuality in Chapter 13.

“We know each other.” Magnus shrugged, very slightly, as if to say, What can you do? “Once upon a time she wasmy girlfriend.” 

[chapter break]

 “Your girlfriend?” Alec looked astonished. So did Maryse. Simon couldn’t say he was unastonished himself.“You dated a vampire? A girl vampire?” 

[another irrelivant paragraph goes here before Alec comes back to the topic]

“How many other people?” Alec asked. “Roughly.” 

Magnus shook his head. “I can’t count, and it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is how I feel about you.” 

“More than a hundred?” Alec asked. Magnus looked blank. “Two hundred?” 

“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation now,” Magnus said, to no one in particular. Simon was inclined toagree, and wished they weren’t having it in front of him. 

“Why so many?” Alec’s blue eyes were very bright in the dimness. Simon couldn’t tell if he was angry. He didn’tsound angry, just very intense, but Alec was a shut-down person, and perhaps this was as angry as he ever got.“Do you get bored with people fast?”

Now, perhaps Alec is just surprised, but this last paragraph bugs me particularly, because the “do you get bored with people fast” is kinda slut shaming, it emphasises the “bisexuals sleep around” stereotype, and it’s even more problematic that Alec insists on having this conversation in the middle of the Institute, in public.

Then later in the book (chapter 15), Alec brings it up again, in public.

“Good organization,” said Magnus. “I knew the man who founded it, back in the 1800s. Woolsey Scott. Respectable old werewolf family.” 

Alec made an ugly sound in the back of his throat. “Did you sleep with him, too?” 

Magnus’s cat eyes widened. “Alexander!” 

“Well, I don’t know anything about your past, do I?” Alec demanded. “You won’t tell me anything; you just say it doesn’t matter.” 

Magnus’s face was expressionless, but there was a dark tinge of anger to his voice. “Does this mean every time I mention anyone I’ve ever met, you’re going to ask me if I had an affair with them?” 

Alec’s expression was stubborn, but Simon couldn’t help having a flash of sympathy; the hurt behind his blue eyes was clear. “Maybe.” 

“I met Napoleon once,” said Magnus. “We didn’t have an affair, though. He was shockingly prudish for a Frenchman.” 

“You met Napoleon?” Jordan, who appeared to be missing most of the conversation, looked impressed. “So it’s true what they say about warlocks, then?” 

Alec gave him a very unpleasant look. “What’s true?” 

“Alexander,” said Magnus coldly, and Clary met Simon’s eyes across the table. Hers were wide, green, and full of an expression that said Uh-oh. “You can’t be rude to everyone who talks to me.” 

Alec made a wide, sweeping gesture. “And why not? Cramping your style, am I? I mean, maybe you were hoping to flirt with werewolf boy here. He’s pretty attractive, if you like the messy-haired, broad-shouldered, chiseled-good-looks type.” 

“Hey, now,” said Jordan mildly. 

Magnus put his head in his hands. 

“Or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren’t into?” 

“Mermaids,” said Magnus into his fingers. “They always smell like seaweed.” 

“It’s not funny,” Alec said savagely, and kicking back his chair, he got up from the table and stalked off into the crowd. 

Magnus still had his head in his hands, the black spikes of his hair sticking out between his fingers. “I just don’tsee,” he said to no one in particular, “why the past has to matter.”

This ^^^ entire thing just annoys the hell out of me and goes past problematic to abusive.

Alec doesn’t trust Magnus anymore. It was fine when he thought Mangus was gay, but the minute he realises Magnus is Bisexual, he instantly thinks he’s flirting with Jordan and trying to cheat on him and it’s utterly ridiculous.

Not only does this has some pretty abusive themes in relationship terms, but the biphobia is astounding.

Just to add to it, it states that Simon sympathises with Alec, which means that CC really does defend this, she thinks that this is okay. Which it’s not.

Alec then storms off like a child leaving a very clearly hurt Magnus behind. Later they have a conversation where Magnus is trying to justify himself, but surprise surprise they’re interrupted and there is no apology.

Then, moving onto City of Lost Souls, we have this:

Clary glanced past him and asked, “Where’s Magnus?” 

“He said it would be better if he didn’t come. Apparently he and the Seelie Queen have some kind of history.” 

Isabelle raised her eyebrows. 

“Not that kind of history,” said Alec irritably. “Some kind of feud. Though,” he added, half under his breath, “the way he got around before me, I wouldn’t be surprised.” 

This was nearly an entire book later, and Alec still hasn’t realised or been properly called out on it. He’s had time to adjust but no… What bugs me most about this (despite the blatant lack of trust) is the fact that Magnus isn’t even there to defend himself. Alec is making completely unnecessary, rude, comments about his boyfriend to his sister and their friends. It does say that he and Isabelle hang back to talk, but we have no idea what she says to him.

All of that not only indicates Alec’s biphobia, but shows just some of the blatant bisexual stereotypes that surround Magnus.

Now, book Malec… this could take a while.

I’m gonna try and do this in order, but sorry if it’s a little mixed up.

Magnus isn’t comfortable being in a relationship with Alec when he’s closested, which is fair enough, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But the part I have an issue with is that he basically ignores Alec completely and pushes Alec to come out, knowing that Alec lives in a very homophobic society. 

Also, I’m pretty sure Alec was only 17 at the beginning of CoB.

Alec is literally the token gay. He’s supposed to be a strong leader, and a soldier. But he has never killed a demon until he’s eighteen, which is considered very, very late, for a Shadowhunter, and for Gods sake, Simon (a mundane at the time) killed a demon first in City of Bones… it’s unrealistic.

There is no trust in their relationship, at all. Alec doesn’t trust Magnus not to cheat. Alec goes behind Magnus’ back, to his abusive ex, to try and shorten his life, whether he changed his mind or not, it was still ridiculous. On the plus side, Alec finally learnt the word “sorry”.

A lot of Malec’s relationship was queerbaiting, there was rarely any of their relationship on page, and their “big moment” which CC is so very proud of and loves taking praise for is literally a paragraph long before it goes back to the incest/hetero/love triangle drama.

Maia smiled tightly. “I’m not a Shadowhunter. Lycanthropes are considered adults at sixteen.“ 

"Well, you have to get drawn on, then,” said Isabelle. “By a Shadowhunter. So you’d better look for one." 

"But-” Maia, still looking over at Alec and Magnus, broke off and raised her eyebrows. Simon turned to see what she was looking at-and stared. 

Alec had his arms around Magnus and was kissing him, full on the mouth. Magnus, who appeared to be in a state of shock, stood frozen. Several groups of people-Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike-were staring and whispering. Glancing to the side, Simon saw the Lightwoods, their eyes wide, gaping at the display. Maryse had her hand over her mouth. 

Maia looked perplexed. “Wait a second,” she said. “Do we all have to do that, too?”

That’s literally it. Her big moment that makes her think that her token gay couple are so epic, is a sentence, told from somebody else’s perspective… Wow… it’s amazing! Give CC an award!

Sidelined. For an entire book. They just get together and they’re just happy and then they’re gone, which is totally unnecessary. And now yes, she is writing stories for a Magnus trilogy about what happened. But she’s just covering her own ass, because people told her how problematic it was. They come back from vacation and the biphobia begins…

City of Lost Souls… the biphobia continues, the lack of trust continues. But, we get Aline and Helen and I’ll come to them in a moment.

Then we have City of Heavenly Fire which is a mess and screams “sassy gay” stereotype for Alec, which was kinda cringy. But there’s this.

“Is that why you forgave me? For me, or you?” Alec said, not angry, just curious. 

“I forgave you because I love you and I hate being without you. I hate it, my cat hates it. And because Catarina convinced me I was being stupid.” 

“Mmm. I like her.”

And I presume they’re talking about forgiveness for the immortality thieving thing, which becomes very problematic. 

Because Magnus forgave him… because Catarina told him he was being stupid?? Which he wasn’t?? Alec tried to shorten his life, he tried to ensure his death. I feel like people so often brush that aside, which CC does here. Magnus never forgave Alec properly, not for the right reasons. And I just… how do you have a healthy relationship when it’s based on that.

Her version of Malec’s happy ending, is keeping Magnus immortal and Alec mortal, and giving them a mortal and immortal child. Whereas she takes away Simon’s immortality so that the white (they’re both white in the books) heterosexuals can grow old together but Malec doesn’t get that luxury. Not to mention this means Max is going to watch his brother and father grow old and die and Magnus has to deal with one of his sons, and his husband/boyfriend die. 

Now, Aline and Helen. As you might have noticed from my url, I love Aline. I love her so much, but not how CC portrayed her. So, basically, I love the fandoms version of her.

But, Heline, like Malec, is frowned on by their entire community and they’re tragically split up, and Helen is exiled, if they want to be together Aline has to leave too.

Then… that’s about it for a while. Apparently, stuff happens that we don’t see… then suddenly they’re engaged and getting married.

Their entire wedding is surrounded by negativity, as the Clave set a condition that Helen could only marry Aline if she humiliated herself at the Acadamy, lying to the students so they would fear faeries. Then I’m pretty sure they have to leave again.

Then we come to TDA, specifically LoS… now, we’re suddenly hit by a tonne of lgbt+ characters and it seems rather suspicious and not CC’s style *cough*fanservice *cough* queerbaiting *cough* CC is profiting from Malec’s relationship, and since she’s realised that she’s just thrown a tonne more characters in for the hell of it.

Lord of the Shadows Spoilers ahead

Aline Penhallow - Sexually assaulted, faced homophobia and disapproval from her parents, her girlfriend was exiled, if she wanted to be with Helen she had to leave too, marriage is overshadowed by the clave’s racism.

Helen Blackthorn - orphaned, banished as punishment for her parentage, wasn’t allowed to get married unless she was paraded around the academy so she could be mocked, feared and turn more Shadowhunters against faeries 

Diana Wrayburn -  A Trans Woman of Colour, who’s parents forced her to be a man in public, and is surrounded by tragedy when she loses her sister then her parents.

Mark Blackthorn - Was kidnapped, tortured, beaten, abused, abandoned by his people, used as a bargaining chip, faced biphobic stereotypes by his boyfriend and has faced more trauma than probably any other mortal in any of the books.

Keiran - had his title taken away, lied about Mark, putting him in danger to try and get him back, then was abducted.

Kit and Ty is nothing but queerbait at the moment.

And none of this even covers how badly she treats Isabelle and how unecessary Livvy’s death was...

To summarise it all:

CC didn’t care about Raphael’s identity.

Alec is still biphobic.

Book!Malec is very, very unhealthy and borderline abusive.

Heline were sidelined every five minutes.

CC treats her LGBT+ characters terribly.

Just because there are LGBT+ characters, doesn’t mean that it has good representation. Any questions?

[writingisbetterthanreality]

Maybe

Getting ready for an evening of fun was Magnus’s favorite activity.  He made playlists for his Saturday afternoon sessions of getting ready for whatever he was doing or whoever he was bringing home.  He had his newest playlist blasting as he finished his makeup for the evening before sauntering across the hall where Raphael was laying in bed reading a book.

“Are you going out tonight?” Magnus asked languidly.  Raphael glanced at him and raised an eyebrow.

“Are you?  Magnus, I’ve learned to stop questioning your style, but you’re going to get raped in that.  Men are pigs, even gay ones.”  His gaze went back to his book.

“That is offensive to say,” Magnus said hotly with a roll of his eyes.  “Not that it’s your business, but no I’m staying in.  I have a man coming over.”

“You invited him over?” Raphael put his book down completely and stared.  “Magnus, you don’t know this guy.  You’ve talked to him online for a week and you invite him over?”

“It’s hooking up,” Magnus tried not to let Raphael’s opinion get to him.  “He’s hilarious and we’re going to have a few drinks and have some fun.  I don’t do relationships, not anymore.  I just want alcohol and sex in my own home.  Going out to bars is trashy.”

“Right, because signing up for apps that only give you sex isn’t at all,” Raphael picked up his jacket and started texting.  “You’re lucky my boyfriend has no life outside of me.  If you need me I’m only ten minutes away.  For fuck’s sake please be careful.  I hate that you do this.”

“It’s fine, I promise,” Magnus waved his concern off.  He’d been talking with Xavier for a week nearly nonstop.  He was funny and witty and exactly the guy Magnus wanted to have over on a Saturday.  It would be easy, with no commitment to come the next morning.  There were no lies and no fights.  He wouldn’t have to deal with second guessing himself all the time.  Commitment wasn’t happening for him, not ever again.  This was easier and he had friends to be with.  Who needed a significant other?

He selected several bottles of alcohol to put out on the bar with his best glasses.  He hooked up his phone to the main stereo, having picked the music days ago.  He was ready for tonight, he needed it.  The doorbell rang and he took a deep breath to calm his slight nerves before happily going to open the door for his date for the evening.  No, not a date, no more dating.  This was casual and he didn’t have to impress.  He only had to intoxicate enough to get laid.  That was his goal tonight and nothing more to it.  

He opened the door and was very surprised at what was on the other side.  He’d been catfished it would seem….but not exactly in a horrible way.  

“You’re Xavier?” He asked skeptically.  The man he’d been talking to had said he was twenty-five, but this kid was definitely eighteen, if even that.  He was tall, and he was completely gorgeous even if he was young.  His eyes were a gorgeous hazel and his black hair was messy in the sexiest way.  He had muscles on every inch of him.  He definitely had that six pack in his pictures.  The only problem was that he wasn’t the right age, not at all.  By the looks of it he wasn’t even a mature eighteen, barely an adult at all.  

“Y-yeah,” The boy said with fake confidence.  He shifted his weight and he seemed so small, even if he technically towered over Magnus.  

“Are you even eighteen?” Magnus had to ask as the boy shuffled inside.  He wasn’t about to bang jailbait, no matter how much he wanted a good time tonight.  The boy looked panicked and nervous now that he’d been found out.   

“I will be,” The boy said.  “I will be in two months.”

“You can’t pass for twenty-five, just so you know,” Magnus told him, shaking his head and trying not to get angry.  “Catfishing is a dick move, just so you know.”

“I didn’t mean to…” This boy seemed so lost and he could have gotten in so far over his head.  

“What’s your name darling?” Magnus asked as he got himself a drink, accepting that his Saturday night plans were certainly changing.  “Your real name that is.”

“I’m Alec,” He ducked his head and looked intently at the plant by the door.  “I can go.  I really should probably go.”

“What on earth were you doing on that app?” Magnus felt like this kid might have nobody to talk to at home.  “You know what that app is for, right?”

“Yeah, I know what I was doing,” Alec defended.  He still hadn’t moved an inch further from the door.  

“You want to have sex?” Magnus asked him one eyebrow arched.  “You want to have wild, dirty sex at some guy’s house that you don’t know or trust?  That’s what you want?”

“Why do you care what I want?” Alec asked, his voice losing its careful edge and shaking slightly.  “Why are you talking to me?  Shouldn’t we have our clothes off by now?”

“You’re a child, and I’m not into that,” Magnus waved a hand.  He felt guilty at the hurt look on this boy’s face.  “Darling, you could have gotten hurt doing this.  Many men would be delighted if a young thing like you appeared on their doorstep.”

“I just...wanted to not feel so alone,” Alec said at last, looking at the floor instead of at him.  “I wanted to feel….well feel something better.”

“Something better?” Magnus had no clue why he was indulging this kid in some kind of therapy session.  He should be sending him on his way and properly sulking at his lost Saturday night.  “What do you mean something better?”

“My parents hate me,” Alec said bluntly.  “I know you probably don’t care, but you’re here so I may as well tell you.  I’ll never see you again after tonight anyways.  My dad hasn’t spoken to me in six months, since I came out.  My mom acts like it never happened at all.  They won’t even look at me and I feel like it was a waste to even come out to them since I haven’t even kissed a guy yet.”  He had tears in his eyes when he finished.  Magnus felt his heart ache looking at this boy trying to find love in the worst kind of places.  “I’m getting kicked out when I turn eighteen.  I want it all to mean something.  I don’t want to lose my family over a bunch of pictures I looked at.  It has to mean more than that.  I had no idea they’d act like I had a disease if I told them.  I thought they loved me enough…”  He swallowed several times and Magnus realized if he didn’t play a distraction card he was about to have a crying teenager by his front door.  

“Come have some hot chocolate and calm down a bit, okay?” Magnus gestured for him to take a seat and pulled down his largest mug from the cabinet.  He now wanted to pull on a t-shirt instead of this sequined and threadbare top coupled with his best jeans.  This kid was alone in the world at the moment, and Magnus had to let him know it got better.  

“I’m so sorry,” Alec looked mortified.  “I never meant to say any of that.  I am seriously so sorry I said anything.  You look like a model and you have alcohol and I ruined all of it.”

“Thank you for the compliment,” Magnus smiled at him, endeared by his blush and the way his hands were constantly moving as he spoke.  “I don’t mind helping a guy in a bad place.  I’m only glad you ended up at my place instead of some of those other people.”

“Don’t hate me,” Alec begged.  “The only thing I lied about was my age.  The rest of it was the truth I swear.  It was me you were talking to, just a younger me.”

“I recognize the rambling,” Magnus said with a laugh.  “Though it’s much more endearing in person.”

“So, your place...it’s nothing short of epic,” Alec was trying to make small talk and Mangus found it way too adorable.  This boy had wide eyes and though it sounded like his family was terrible He was so so innocent.

“ I designed it myself,” Magnus grinned, pouring the hot water into two mugs, impulsively deciding he’d join Alec in his sugary drink.  “It cost a fortune, but I love it.”

“You’re an interior designer as well as fashion,” Alec nodded his thanks for the drink.  “I got you a new fan by the way.  I showed my sister your site and she went crazy.  She adores your stuff.”

“I appreciate it,” Magnus led him over to the couch, internally wincing at the candles dotting the room.

“You sure know how to set a mood,” Alec had noted the candles as well.  “You could have had a really nice time if you’d have ended up with anyone else.”

“I do like you,” Magnus told the younger boy.  “You’re still the great guy I’ve been talking to for a week.  I just never knew you were a teenager.  Can’t you meet boys at school?”

“Not a chance,” Alec shook his head.  “I go to a private school and it’s horrible.  Even if I could find a boy who would like other boys, they would never be my type.”

“It sounds very unlike you,” Magnus knew this was an odd thing to say, but even though Alec had lied about his age Magnus felt he had a sense of who this boy was.

“Is it worth it?  Being out that is?”  Alec asked him, tracing the rim of the mug.  “You’re very proud of who you are, and that’s different for me.  Do you ever regret being out?”

“I don’t,” Magnus told him.  “I don’t think you will either eventually.  I’m sorry your parents didn’t take it well.  They’ll probably come around because they do love you.  If they don’t though, you form your own family.  A new family made of stronger stuff than blood.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do in two weeks after graduation,” Alec swallowed a few times.  “My dad made it clear I was to be gone the morning after.  He already has some of my stuff in boxes in the garage.”

“Damn,” Magnus shook his head.  “That’s awful.”  He took a sip of his drink and thought of what he could say.  “Alec, it does get better.  It’s not always easy to be out, but at the end of the day when you crawl in bed it’s worth it.  Someday you are going to kiss a boy you really like and it’s going to be the best thing to ever happen to you.  As long as it’s not on that shady app.”

“What were you doing on there?” Alec asked, catching him off guard.  “You’re rich and successful.  You hardly need to be on there.  You could get any guy out there I bet.”

“I get all the wrong ones,” Magnus said bitterly.   “I wasn’t on there to find a relationship.”

“You could kiss me,” Alec said, not looking at him still.  “I’m not a wrong one, and you’re a boy that I like.  I mean, from what I know so far.  You’re amazing Magnus, and every morning I thought you’d get bored talking to me and move on.   You could kiss me and then I wouldn’t feel so stupid for losing my home in two weeks.”

“I would rob you of something if I kissed you,” Magnus laid a hand over Alec’s pale one.  “Your first kiss is a memory you talk about forever.  You’re a very nice boy Alec, and I want you to have a story worth telling.”

“I really am nearly eighteen,” Alec said.  “Would you consider it when I’m not jailbait anymore?”

“Alec,” Magnus laughed and squeezed his hand, surprised when Alec flipped his hand over to lace their fingers together.  “Maybe I’ll consider it.  I think I’d consider a lot with you.”

“Can I stay a bit longer?” Alec asked shyly

“A bit,” Magnus agreed.  He kept his hand in Alec’s and tried to keep his heart from whispering of the maybes that Alec made pop into his mind yet again.  Maybe he wasn’t so done with love and dating.  Maybe he had one last shot at something good.  

[ziskandra]

PRIORITY OPS: REPOPULATING HELEUS (Ch. 5)

this chapter was really cathartic to write. ao3 link. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 5. Homesick 

Sara woke up with a start, hot and sweaty, gut churning. Considering what she’d spoken about with Liam when he’d woken her, it should have come to no surprise that her father had peppered the rest of her dreams. Even the ones that he quite rightly had nothing to do with. 

She tried, tried too hard, sometimes, to not think about her Milky Way life and what she’d left behind. She’d wanted to come to Andromeda, had wanted to follow in her father’s footsteps in more ways than one. She’d always dreamed of doing something spectacular with her life, and what could be more ground-breaking than travelling to a whole new galaxy? It was the pinnacle of exploration.  It was a exquisite example of being careful of what one wished for.

And then, there was her family; she could hardly have stayed behind and have abandoned her brother and dad. Especially not with Mom gone. They had to stick together. And look how that turned out. At least Scott was well on his way to making a full recovery; just having him around made the future seem that little bit more bearable. She hated the idea of being alone again, like she had in those beginning days, ill-prepared to fit into her father’s too-large shoes.

Of course, she had Liam, too, now. Relied on him more than she should. Hadn’t thought she’d be dating, so seriously, so soon, especially given how recently her last relationship had ended. But she hadn’t thought about her in months. At least not until her fevered dreams of the night prior.

Had she really dreamt about bringing her ex-girlfriend home to meet her parents? Ugh. It seemed like such a pointless fantasy. Her parents were dead and so was Ruby, in a manner of speaking. Just like Liam’s parents would be. A twist of nervousness settled in her gut and she found herself wondering, uselessly, if they would like her. 

She probably could stand to ask him more questions about his own parents. He seemed to be the type who’d love to talk about them, given the chance — a normal, loving family — but Sara had not offered the opportunity. Liam, quite sensibly, had not pushed the topic. It probably helped that he had, in fact, met her father well before he’d ever met her. 

Still, though. Sometimes it unsettled her how at peace Liam seemed to be with his decision to come to Andromeda, and maybe it was just Sara’s own unique circumstances, with her mother’s death so fresh on her mind, but she couldn’t imagine making the decision to never see her parents again. Maybe because she’d never had the choice. Maybe because she never would.

The pang of grief hit her as it usually did, sharp and unexpected, just beneath her ribcage. She rolled to her side, half-hoping that Liam would be there, but knowing given their usual day-to-day routine that he probably wouldn’t. 

She was right. Still, the realisation caused a smile to curve on her lips. How nice it was, to think that the dust had settled enough for things to become routine. And here she’d thought, before Andromeda, a lifetime ago, that she’d never want to settle down. It still didn’t come naturally to her, but god damn if her relationship with Liam didn’t make her want to believe such things were possible. 

She loved him; just thinking about him made her feel like someone had set a warm blanket down upon her, tucked her in. She loved him.  

It was too much warmth, really, for what she was about to do. Sara knew herself. She would drag out the mundane minutiae of her morning routine: breakfast; laps; shower; teeth for as long as possible before doing what she should have done as soon as she’d recovered it: watch her father’s final fucking memory once and for all. The thought sent chills down her spine, but she ignored them. She had to. The only alternative was to keep putting it off, to never look at it, and never know. And that was a decision in itself, but was it one she could live with?

(She knew, in her heart of hearts, that the answer was no.)  

***

“You seem distracted today,” Cora had told her at the end of their run. Sara had spent so much of it preparing herself, bracing herself, that her walls were already up. When they were, lying came as easy as breathing, the only time it did. It was always easier to be dishonest when she was trying, desperately, fervently, to convince herself it was the truth. 

“I’m fine,” she’d said with a hapless shrug. “Just more meetings, you know how it is. Being Pathfinder is a thankless job.” Especially now, that she spent more time with the human colonists than she did with her old ragtag band of assorted crewmates. Oh, the people here said the words, gratitude rolling off their tongues in waves, but it was just another falsehood at the end of the day. Wasn’t it? 

Wasn’t it?

She’d never wanted this responsibility. And when Cora had dug her heels in, reminded her of what an excellent job she was doing, she’d narrowed her eyes at the other woman, her friend, and asked, “A better job than you’d have done in my place?” 

And Cora had taken a step back in the face of Sara’s sudden aggression; neither of them wanted to revisit this old beat, rehash the same steps they’d been tracing since the passing of her father. “You already know my answer.” 

Sara hadn’t wanted to fight, so she hadn’t responded beyond pointing out that Hayjer and Vederia were both doing excellent work in their new and unexpected roles as Pathfinders for their respective species.  They did it. I did it. You could have done it, too.

She hadn’t been sure whose point she’d been proving, and she hated it. Hated how some days, she’d wake up and wish that this entire mess had been Cora’s to deal with instead. 

“See you later,” Sara had told her as they’d parted in the atrium, voice bright and cheery once more. Too cheery.

“Bye for now,” Cora had answered, casualness belied by the look in her eyes that spoke at volumes louder than her actual words. We’ll talk later. As she made her way to SAM node, she tried to stop her hands from shaking. 

*** 

There it was, the terrible truth, laid out bare at last. Ribcage had never felt such an apt term before; Sara honestly felt as though her lungs would explode if they could; they hurt, her chest hurt, everything hurt. She wanted to yell and to cry. She did neither. Her hands were numb, limp and useless by her sides, but she could sense them clawing at her heart, digging for words that could never be enough.

When she dragged them out, up and through her raw and burning throat, her voice sounded as though it belonged to someone else. Like she was watching a movie about someone else’s life. “Mom’s here? Alive?”

Maybe she should have been more concerned about the whispered hints of the end of life as they knew it. Those questions were there, somewhere, too, in the back of her mind. A smaller, younger voice: is the Milky Way okay? Or was the answer to that question the extinction of billions upon billions of lives, a number so large it could not be quantified? A number beyond the limits of her understanding?

SAM offered an explanation she barely heard, all stasis and blocked memories; the corners of Sara’s vision faded in and out as she forced herself to remember to breathe. Maybe billions of deaths were too surreal to consider, but one death — there was one death she could recall in almost flawless detail.

Mom’s.

She remembered being there with Dad and Scott during Mom's final hours. Remembered the ramping apprehension as they barrelled towards the inevitable; it had been a long time coming, but it had felt sudden all the same. As she’d steered Scott from the room to give their parents some privacy, part of her still couldn’t believe that it would be the last time she’d ever see her alive. They’d come back tomorrow, just like they had yesterday, and the day before.

But then Dad had entered the hallway, head hung low, and Sara had known in that moment, that it was done. She’d finally cried, the tears that had been threatening to spill making themselves known at last. And Scott…well, Scott had always been a messy crier.

Dad hadn’t cried though. Dad never cried.

But she still remembered the way his hands had shaken at the funeral.

Thinking about it made her ill, a low simmering anger starting to burn bright in her belly. “This never should’ve been kept a secret,” she said, her voice marginally more furious than it had been earlier but still oh-so-far away.

SAM tried to placate her, but in that moment, she didn’t give a shit about false hopes.  Would prefer them, infinitely, to false grief. And that was when SAM slipped the knife into her chest, his words, calm and even, still as sharp as any blade. And that’s why you were made Pathfinder — to see the process through.

She’d suspected it, had been anticipating it, but God, it hurt to have confirmation that she’d never been anything special. Close as her father and Cora might have been, he wouldn't have trusted Cora with this. Sara blinked, once, twice, wondering if she’d ever feel whole again, or if she’d just be stuck thinking her body was going to split into two for the rest of her life.

Mom’s still alive. The words buzzed around her brain. For all her hesitation, all her wondering, she could have never anticipated this. At least Dad didn’t disappoint. Not in this regard. She’d told Liam just last night that it sounded like her father had done something horrible.

Had he?

He hadn't and he had and Mom’s still alive. I hope you’ll understand he’d said, but she didn’t.

He should have told us. The thought rattled through her, shook the very core of her being, but she couldn’t bring herself to voice it. It wasn’t like he was around to defend himself. Maybe he’d thought he was saving Mom by bringing her here, but at what cost?

Her legs felt like jelly.

Alec could not bear the thought of Ellen recovering only to discover you had died.

And so he had died instead; she had witnessed his dying actions with his eyes, listened to his last words with his ears: there’s still hope for your mother.

But what of her? What of Sara Ryder? Had her father truly understood what he had done, when he had transferred SAM’s full suite of abilities to her, named her Pathfinder in his stead? Or were his thoughts only of Mom, the mother Sara had been led to believe was dead? Did he think his daughter up to the challenge, or did he only require her loyalty?

Any pride she’d once had in her achievements turned to ashes in her mouth. Her father must have loved her mother a lot, to go to this extent to save her life. She hadn’t doubted that, but she found herself thinking about whether she’d go to the same extremes for Liam. She didn’t think so. But she didn’t know. Thinking of Liam reminded her of his words from last night (had it only been last night? It felt like longer, days stretching into years into centuries).

Most parents would die for their children.

Alec Ryder hadn’t been most parents.

Most parents would die for their children.

Had he died for his daughter, or for his wife?

It was just another question that Sara didn’t want the answer to. Which meant that one day, she probably, unfortunately, would. It had always been like that with Dad. Even in his death, he was maddeningly consistent.

The walls of the room seemed to close in around her. She needed to find Mom. Now. Told SAM as such, as though he wouldn’t be coming with her.

*** 

Her message to Scott was short and devoid of emotion. The letters on her omni-tool swam before her eyes. She’d triple-checked them, made sure they delivered some sort of coherent message. But she couldn’t read them. Reading them made it real.

Fortunately, Scott knew when to ask questions, and he knew Sara well enough to know that in this case? Time was of the essence. That wasn't to say that the questions wouldn’t come later. But that was something she would worry about then: later.

Now she just had to take the final step towards learning the truth, and hopefully the first step towards accepting it. Scott was already waiting by the cryo pod when she arrived; her walk through the Hyperion had been slow and awful, like she’d dragged her feet through mud while carrying a thirty kilogram weight upon her back. She wore everyone’s eyes were on her the whole time, but then again, when weren’t they?

At least she wasn't crying. She was the human Pathfinder, and what example would she be to those who looked up to her for guidance if she started crying in public? Scott knew her moods too well to not pick up her on obvious upset. He also knew her well enough to know when not to stick his nose in, even though it was one of his favourite pastimes. Despite all his claims to the contrary. His eyes flickered to hers, brow creased in concern, but he didn’t say anything about it. Didn’t reach out to her. Just business. “Who’s Elizabeth Reilly?”

And maybe she should have milked it a bit more, stirred him up with some grandiose statement. But she didn’t have the energy. She was hollowed out and exhausted and she wanted nothing more than to go back to bed and wake up three hours ago and forget that this had ever happened.

But she couldn’t. “It’s Mom,” she whispered. She hated how stupid the words sounded, the way Scott looked at her as though he was torn between asking her to repeat herself and asking her if she was joking.

The truth spilled out of her in spits and spurts, unable to be contained but reluctant all the same.  She watched Scott vacillate between pain and joy, reconcile the information the same way she’d been struggling to do. “I want to shake his hand. And then punch him!”

And she laughed, because she understood that feeling entirely. Looked up at the pod that contained Mom. Did she know that she would be coming here? Sara couldn’t help but think that she didn’t. No-one was ever truly ready to die, or so Sara felt, but Mom had made her peace with her fate all the same. She’d told them to take care of each other. Surely she wouldn’t have said that if there was any possibility of her coming back.

Dad had brought her to Andromeda to seek a cure for her illness. And now Dad was dead. It didn’t seem fair, somehow. But nothing ever was. SAM was endlessly optimistic, but how could he not be? He was created by Dad. He’d been created by Dad to save Mom. When he started to tell them that her accomplishments could one day save Mom’s life, Sara struggled to believe him.  The fact of the matter was she couldn’t have done half of what she’d done in Heleus without SAM.

“Waking her up will be fun,” Sara said softly, retreating into sarcasm at the sheer ludicrousness of it all. “Surprise, Mom! You’re still alive! Dad put you on ice!” The last statement was punctuated with a scoff. One one hand she couldn’t believe Dad had done it, really done it. On the other hand, Dad was, well, Dad…

Scott chimed in, right on cue. “Oh, and by the way — look out the window. You’re in Andromeda!”

Sara had missed Scott. She really had. Even if he did drive her absolutely up the wall at times. She bumped him carefully with her shoulder, a casual touch. They smiled up at Mom’s cryo pod together. One day, when the time was right, maybe just maybe, they’d be able to wake her up. It still felt wrong, somehow, but knowing what they knew? They couldn’t very well leave her in there.

And then there was SAM. The AI had a vested interest in the survival of their mother as well. Sara forgot as easily as she remembered. It is a mission I hope the three of us will one day fulfil — together. Togethere. Sara and Scott and Sam.

She wondered when, exactly, she had started to consider SAM family.

It was still weird to think that SAM had been crafted for a specific purpose when so much of her own life had felt like a series of awkward blunders, or making the best of a bad situation. Then again, SAM had learnt so much that had nothing to do without his original goals. And wasn't that life in a nutshell? All the things that one learnt, experienced, overcame in the pursuit of a set of aims?

They was halfway out of the cryo bay when SAM spoke to her over their private channel. “Yes, Sara, I do believe it is.”

***

Whatever small joy she had derived from her conversation with Scott withered in her veins as she found herself mostly alone again. Alone, except for SAM, wired to her consciousness as he was. “You are experiencing a heightened level of anxiety,” he told her as she approached the desk in her father’s room, all sprawled out monitors and scattered datapads.

Sara still hadn’t brought it upon herself to rearrange the space. “No shit, SAM,” she muttered in response, heart beating loud, thunderously, erratically. SAM fell silent and Sara felt guilty. He’s just trying to help. There were more terrible truths to be unearthed at the tips of her fingers.

She got SAM to play the first message, the second, the third. As she listened to the emergency transmissions of desperate armies, her skin turned to ice, the roar of her heart dampening. Her vision was blurring at the corners again and she found herself clutching at the edge of the desk to anchor herself.

Three points of contact. Her boots were on the floor. She was in the Pathfinder’s quarters of the ark Hyperion. The Hyperion made up most of the current settlement of Port Meridian. Port Meridian was named for the planet itself. Meridian was the fourth planet of the Saajor system. The Saajor system was located in the Heleus cluster. Her name was Sara Ryder, she was in Andromeda, and she was alive.

Blue sparks danced across her skin.

Cora had once compared biotics to a sneeze. At the time, Sara had thought it an apt descriptor. But now? Now, she’d characterise it as the urge to throw up. Better out than in, given a suitable target. Her hands were shaking. So were her shoulders.

Everyone is dead. 

There were two messages left, blinking at her from the terminal in the corner of her eye. Bile rose up her throat. She was flaring, losing control in a way she hadn’t done in years.

“Pathfinder,” SAM hedged, almost uncertain. SAM didn’t do uncertainty. “I believe you are having a panic attack. If you would like, I could—”

The implications of SAM’s offer broke through Sara’s reduced consciousness. “No, don’t you—” 

“Understood.”

Her hands curled into fists atop the desk, angry clammy palms.

Everyone is dead. 

The Milky Way as she knew it was gone.

She sunk to her knees at the console, hands still holding on for dear life. “The rest,” she demanded, because she’d come this far. This time, SAM did not question her.

A conversation between Jien Garson and her father, his parting words to her: I guess we always knew there was no going back.  The message ended. There was nothing more.

She crumbled, sinking to the floor at last, knees drawn to her chest, head resting down against her forearm. She didn’t know how long she sat there for before she even had the clarity to try and control her breath.

She’d been hyperventilating, of course. SAM had tried to tell her, but she hadn’t listened. She’d shut him down, and she was far too prideful to ask him for his assistance now. Instead, she inhaled in, counted to four, exhaled one-two-three-four. Her biotic corona shrunk somewhat as she battled to get her processes back under control.

I guess we always knew there was no going back.

Her father’s voice rang through her head, and she felt the anxiety spike through her system again. The surge of adrenaline had her back on her feet without really thinking about it, a troubling sign if she’d stopped to consider it more deeply, but she didn’t. Couldn’t.  The weight of her own malfunctioning powers was crushing, crushing, crushing.

Everything in the room reminded her of her father. His guns. Who he'd been. The model ships. Where he'd taken them. The goddamn coffee machine. Of what he’d done to save them.

She let go, pouring all of her grief and her rage and her fear with her biotic release, the machine slamming against the opposite wall with a satisfying crash, if only she’d been present enough to properly appreciate it. It shattered into pieces and Sara wasn’t sure how, but she found herself settling down amongst them, biotic powers now back under control and her breath steadying.

Sitting in the ruins of her father's coffee machine, Sara wept.