#Otherwise; I'll go insane

[purrvaire]

black sails + tumblr text posts I have on my phone

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I've been thinking about how Vash always seems to be hungry. Or at least, that he's shown eating quite often in the manga. Happily having his salmon sandwiches. Eating an entire box of donuts in the side car. Knowing the conversion rate of bullets to pizza. Seeing a flower and immediately wondering if it's edible. Pondering his life over breakfast. It's a really cute little character detail about him - he likes food.

But then I kind of started to think about the angel arm and its specific brand of destruction. How there were no bodies to be recovered. Nothing but a crater left of July, left on the Fifth Moon. It's all been incinerated. Devoured, even. Tristamp takes it even a step further and makes the power something akin to a black hole - a yawning drain; a constant destructive hunger.

Vash is clearly terrified of this potential for destruction, and for very good reason. But it's not separate from him as some kind of "power he can't control" - it's his arm. It's literally his arm. It is him. Vash is scared of himself, scared of losing control. He does what he can to repress it, even subconsciously (the gaps in his memory whenever it activates). He can't control it in the moment, so he takes steps to preemptively push it down, to avoid the use of his abilities entirely, to hide himself away.

I talked a bit in a previous post about how there are probably several interrelated reasons for Vash's chronically avoidant behaviour, but I'd like to throw one more into the ring and suggest that it's not just a matter of not deserving to want things, but maybe also that he's afraid of wanting. That if he allows himself to even think about what he wants personally that he'll want too much, take too much, and that the only cure in his mind for this is to give and give repeatedly.

I wonder how starved he is for love. Vash loves hard, after all. Once he loves (and I’m not talking about the broad, distant love/compassion he has in general), for better or worse, he carries them around with him forever, long after they've passed. Does he feel like it'd be selfish to admit this kind of want? His love isn't really a passive thing after all - it's the drive at his very core; a mournful inferno he is just barely suppressing. Does he remember how to love in a way that doesn't consume him entirely?

Is that part of the reason he checks out at signs of intimacy? Diverts gifts towards others? Tends to accept kind gestures only when under an assumed name? Intentionally starves himself in Tristamp? Runs and runs and runs? Is he afraid he won't be able to stop hungering? That allowing himself to want means his want will become insatiable?

I just have to wonder how much of his avoidance of connection is being scared that he will cause more destruction (to them? or to him?) by trying to take far too much into his hands than he ever caused by turning his back and running.

...of course I may just be entirely deranged here sorry.

[theflyingfeeling]

sorry for being horny on main, but if you are as well, below the cut you can find BC pwp (m/m) fic ideas I'd love to read (feel free to steal any of these and make me very very happy):

literally anything with Olli/Allu, but especially handjobs while making out, frottage with or without clothes on, and sucking each other off simultaneously (sort of lying on their sides ya know). In general, just being incredibly horny and in love 💞

also, Olli fucking Aleksi's tits 😩

Olli/Allu threesome with literally anyone, but especially Tommi fucking one of them while fingering the other OR jerking off while watching them go at it 👁️🫦👁️

Joonas fucking himself with a big, fat dildo. yep, that's literally it 👏

...or literally any of them being crazy horny and masturbating. where all my masturbation fics at?! (like, literally just them wanking/rubbing/humping for their own pleasure, with no listening/watching someone have sex or someone walking in and joining or whatever, I mean those are great too!! but can we also have some nice solo fun maybe? 👉👈)

Tommi rimming, fingering and finally fucking Joonas 🐻

Joel being a whiny needy bottom for literally anyone. No verbal humiliation, no tying up, no spaking, no choking or anything like that (nothing wrong with fics like that, but this post is titled pwp I'd like to read and those are not my personal kinks). instead, yes edging, yes praise kink, yes maybe crying a little because he needs to cum so bad and is maybe a little emotional about it 🥺

incredibly emotional goodbye sex ("for old times' sake") with Niko/Joonas (porn with feelings?) 🤧

platonic sex with Olli/Joonas 🥰 (I actually wrote this back in the day but with no actual smut because I was too much of a wussy)

to be continued at some point maybe 🤠

pls interact so I won't feel like too much of a clown lol ✌️

[teitomonogatari]

for once here's something from me that might be actually useful/fun to know

i made a height chart based off of noda's height rankings coupled with the official anime heights + color coded weight rank as bonus for visuals

yellow is the values that i estimated since we don't have any confirmed heights for them, with the darker yellow being basically canon since it'd be the only option

if we get more model sheets with heights (either from s4 or past ones) i'll update this, i'm hoping we could at least at some point get maybe inkarmat and kikuta, possibly vasily?

how i estimated + personal comments under cut (aka thick tsuki and thick sofia appreciation)

some thoughts:

TSUKISHIMA IS A DENSE LAD. i honestly originally added the weight ranks only to see how dense he was specifically and i was not disappointed. so here's more fodder for fellow chunky tsuki enthusiasts 😌🙏

SOFIA..... 😳😳😳😳 no wonder kiroranke was down bad. she's heavier than him i loooove that for them sm. she truly did grow into an even more beautiful woman he was absolutely right.

i'll never let anyone say that golden kamuy has no twinks when edogai is right there.

hijikata is also surprisingly light; i know he's old but i was expecting maybe a bit more muscle weight considering how skilled a fighter he is and the fact that abashiri had them do a lot of manual labor.

how i calculated (for others like me who enjoy math ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶ ):

i basically went off of the fact that the smallest difference between a rank is 1 cm, so a rank above would need to be at least 1 cm taller and a rank below would need to be at least 1 cm shorter

based on that, ranks 9, 13, 14 and 15 are basically the only option, so i'm running with those being canon

for rank 17, 162 cm is directly in the middle of 161 and 163, which are the minimum and maximum value

for ranks 4, 5 and 6, instead of going for the average of the min + max, i spaced them out so that the interval between each is the same. this gave me heights with decimals for the cm, but i just removed that in the formatting to make it cleaner. the calculations themselves are using cell references though so the height in feet uses the value with the decimals for the conversion.

the min + max of each is easy to calculate, so if you wanna know (for instance) the tallest height that vasily could be, it'll just be 184 - 3 spots down, so max 181 cm

anyway that's it feel free to use this as fodder for art or fics or just for fun facts :) i originally made this for myself but thought it'd be fun to share

[sga-owns-my-soul]

okay i'm going a little insane over rodney being in beavers again and i just. i don't know how many of you are aware of a) the beavers uniform and b) the age group of beavers

please picture baby rodney (age 5-7) wearing THIS

[bunnihearted]

god i just wish all my neighbors would drop dead

[lightningstruck-arch]

you know your sleep schedule is fucked when it's 5:45am and you're mom already left for work but you're not even tired enough to go to bed

[buysomecheese]

I forget how simply I can fall into addictive habits and I forget how many things this can be applied to. I forget how much physical contact is compared to a drug and I forget how accurate that comparison often is.

[i3utterflyeffect]

What if tdl decides that victim is going way too far and helps plan an escape.

i do think they would, but it'd take a few days-- at first it's not their place to say (and c!alan deserves it, so whatever) but when the others get hurt by Vic's revenge plans, they start to get angry with them-- and eventually looking at c!alan's state just makes them sick, so they would agree despite hating him

they definitely are planning to punch him later though. at least once. maybe not while he's literally half-dead tho

[oloreandil]

i don't wanna discount that logging off is useful in a lot of cases, but being too tired to even be on tumblr, something which didn't take up inappropriate amounts of my time, makes me realise how much i miss the people in my phone and the genuine connections (wordless or otherwise) that form on here. especially for disabled people, i don't think we acknowledge enough the IMMENSE social inclusion and participation it creates

art, knowledge, jokes, conversations !!! i can see it all without forcing myself to go outside (health risk) or direct interaction (in cases of no energy). i can see it from friends i know irl and from total strangers who long deactivated their blogs alike. it's not "pretend life in a digital world" just like you're not waiting to become an adult to live the "real" life, it's just... life. another facet but not less important or true. i'm so grateful to everyone that ever posted on here

[ruleofvee]

School stress! A bad cut off between me and two 'friends'! More school stress! Questioning if I'm fit for my career path or not! Aaaaaa! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[burymeinblack2022]

No but seriously. Can u imagine trying to be like 'omG mcr ArE sUcH sELloUtS I, a cuLtuReD and SeaSonEd nin fAn cOulD nEvEr 🤮🤮 eW whY aRe u GuyS hErE wE doNt wAnT U 🙄😒😒' like my brother in christ. Your man(s) literally made music for the mouse...take several seats... the call is coming from inside the mickey clubhouse 💀💀😩

[hondayota]

THUMBS LUCY DACUS. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU KEEP SMILING. YOU DON'T OWE HIM SHIT EVEN IF HE SAID YOU DID.

[archaictold]

❝ At times, it feels like there are several simultaneous group discussions going on at once. ❞

❝ And truthfully? I hardly comprehend any of them... ❞

[paleangels13]

My biggest flex will forever be being able to quote the entire conversation from the best song ever music video from one direction by heart, even after not having watched it for months and years 😌

...do you guys think that'll be of use at any point in my life? 😭

[tiny-chubby-bird]

me, coming up with reasonable sounding theories about ballas, in a desperate attempt to fix DE's plotholes and ‘unexplained-and-frankly-rather-confusing-stuff-happening’ problem