#PHYSICALLY FORCING MYSELF TO STOP
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i need to delete this blog bro it's not even the cringe demon anymore
#𓏲𝄢 and when the day turns night i can't help but cry \ vent#idk. it's just#i feel bad doing stuff for myself. whether it's fucking selfship posting on my selfship blog#or actually important stuff like reaching out for help during spirals and being honest n confronting people#i feel bad. and i don't mean that as in 'ohhhh i feel so guilty ohhh i don't deserve nice things im so selfish' i mean i legitimately#feel Physically Bad whenever i do things that are good for me. it's the fucking fear mostly. nauseous etc etc#i can't post about it and i can't try and push it for fun in rps and i can't make mistakes in character and not#overapologize my balls off without legitimately feeling like i am letting something horrible happen#I KNOW IT'S JUST PARANOID DELUSIONS. REASONABLY that just DOESN'T STOP IT FROM SUCKING#i STILL DO ALL THE STUFF. because i LOVE SELFSHIPPING AND IT MAKES ME HAPPY.#but i feel as if my bucket is too full than some monster will eat from it and burst from withine and Literally Kill Mr#that's not a metaphor im literally fearing for my life. whenever i fucking post about. mylesbians.#i feel like i'll die /srs#AND SO I CAN'T. BECAUSE IM A POSITIVE FORCE IN MY WORLD#THERE ARE IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND I MAKE THEM HAPPY!!!#I CAN'T DIE BRO!!!#but then on the other hand i want to be happy. i deserve to be happy. so what TF am i supposed to do#SORRY FOR THE NEGATIVE VIBES FIRST THING IN THE MORNING JESUS
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I’m currently hyperfixated rereading Ftfo and can barely do any drawing but I’m trying!!! ‘^’ Designs are easier to draw for some reason so might see only those for a bit T-T
anyways have my version of Lord Lunar’s Gemini! They get fun new outfits!!!
#my artwork#fnaf#tsams#tsams au#tsams Lord lunar au#tsams castor#tsams pollux#tsams gemini#laes castor#laes pollux#laes gemini#the lunar and earth show#tlaes au#tlaes#little rant incoming#feel free to ignore#bro I’m recognizing the difference between a fun interest and a hyperfication and it’s not fun#I really wanna finish rereading ftfo but i keep having to force myself to be like ‘Take a break#go draw and such’ ect#because I’m just not moving for such long periods of time and I physically have to force my brain to stop skipping lines because I genuinely#can’t focus#and#if I stop for too long I’m so worried I’ll lose interest#want to finish ftfo but hyperfication is so bad#T-T#anyways#drink some fucking water#y’all#(don’t worry to much about me btw I’m doing okay and still taking care of myself just a lil frustrated)#(oh and ftfo is an undertale fanfic btw For the Forgotten Ones by I’m_Sorry_Buddy on Ao3 it’s freaking awesome)
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mayor of kinjomae! i have a question (this time much more simple but funny)
KINJOMAE BEACHDAY (and also Yuki being the most down bad devious man for shirtless Kinjo would be appreciated 💪)
also happy you liked Tetro as much as you did!
HECK YEAHH MORE IMAGINES THAT I CaN BRAINROT AS POSSIBLE FUTURE ONESHOTS. I hope this….. May ease the burden a bit from lucky break. Consider this eye and heart bleach.
(and YEAAAHHHH! ty for making the post recommending it! that was what pushed me to give it a listen and i'm very happy I did)
Note: this is before they would end up dating, yet they’re still pining in this imagine. Also, i ignore a few kinjo hcs of mine for the sake of the imagine. If you know which ones i’m referring to, you know. Other than that, this can be canon to kinjomae fluff land too B)
This is also formatted like something I’d write, plot wise and stuff.
so, the beach day event would come from the initiation of a trip with the whole class (which would be a whole oneshot in itself, but i digress). kinjo "i've never had fun at a party" tsurugi would be skeptical and a bit jaded about the whole thing. he originally would want to skip out on the event and take on some extra hours for the force instead, or at least get ahead on his studies. upon learning this, the whole extrovert dumbass section of the class including kisaragi would harass him into coming along after all, leaving no man behind.
yuki would be glum that kinjo didn't want to come, yet wouldn't be pushy about it. he'd be happy to learn he was tagging along in the end, though! it's always a good idea for him to get rest and enjoy leisure whenever possible- to flex the muscle, so to speak, since it’s so unusual for him.
They’d probably go on a bus to the seaside. Considering this is a school funded field trip, they may not be alone in their class, so the bus would be pretty clamorous. Kinjo spends the whole time glaring into his backpack, checking and double checking that he has enough sunscreen.
“You brought sunscreen?” yuki is surprised kinjo didn’t approach this with the mindset that between him and the sun, he would obviously win.
“It’s for you. You’re ginger.” kinjo responds like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
They arrive at the scene.. It’s an idyllic day, seagulls overhead, few clouds drifting lazily in the sky, and the sun beaming down brightly. Satsuki, haru and teruya immediately chase each other off the bus, kizuna follows mitch, clinging to his arm and trying to weasel money out of him with the help of a bikini, akane and mikako depart and begin to find shells in the sand- kiyoka is hanging out with ayame, promising to pummel anyone who is weird to her at all during this trip (mitch. Aka mitch.) inori is lecturing kinji on the importance of using sunscreen as an albino while yamaguchi basically gets hit on immediately, but his iconic smile scares the poor damsel away. Teruya wields a floatie and several colorful noodles. It only takes a moment for satsuki to steal them from him and sprint away top speed. Haru goes to retrieve them, but the lovers instead end up in a dramatic noodle fight, teruya jaded that he’s been forgotten about. He lets them get it out of their system, instead accompanying kisaragi who’s trying to find some seaweed. They make plans to cook it together and feed their classmates the memento of the occasion.
As chaos has hit pretty immediately, yuki is dragged into the shade and sunscreened up. He gets very flustered as he takes off his shirt, and doesn’t really understand… why. It’s just kinjo, after all. He’s just doing what he does and protecting him. But something about the situation is highly embarrassing to him, at least until the cold spray hits him and he nearly jumps out of his skin.
In return, he ends up grappling with kinjo and screening him too. He’s even FURTHER flustered at seeing kinjo shirtless. He wouldn’t have anticipated the sheer level of lean muscle on this guy. Kinjo snaps in front of his face several times, which gets yuki back to his senses. “Maeda, your face is already incredibly red. I knew this would happen- you should sit in the shade.��
Yuki instead suggests a dip in the water. Kinjo looks grudgingly over the sand, and nods. “Go ahead.”
“With you… i mean…” yuki clarifies awkwardly.
“Why me?” he asks genuinely, brows raising. Kinjo has problems seeing the reality of things at times, but he’s self aware for the most part. He knows he isn’t ‘fun’ or ‘entertaining’ to be with. He’s a protector, he’s reliable, he’s a pillar in stress and tragedy, but he isn’t someone to play with or jump in the ocean with. He’s not used to these things- yuki could very easily join the noodle fight or the seashell hunt or the seaweed search and have much better company. But he’s not. Yuki is oddly stubborn like that, isn’t he? It feels a bit different from usual, though. Kisaragi’s friendship with him seemed to stem from an odd… pity, at finding him to be alone most of the time. Yuki was different. He always looked at him like he was amazing.
Not in the same way the public during interviews would look at him, or the crowd would look at him as he was handed awards. It was the gaze of someone who knew him at his core, who in the moment did not need his protection, yet still saw so highly of him.
“Everyone else is busy.” yuki points out. That’s true, but it doesn’t need to stop him?
Before kinjo can point that out, he’s being dragged towards the water. “C-c’mon…”
So the cop follows him without a word. Yuki is acting very weird, red faced and jittery. Kinjo squints at him mutely, yet doesn’t directly ask yet.
He’s pulled a bit of a distance away from the cacophony. He sucks in a breath before turning around. “I-um- I need your help.”
“My help with what?”
“I….” yuki sucks in a breath. “...can’t swim.”
“...what?”
“Don’t tell anyone! Please don’t tell anyone!” He immediately pleads. “It’s my best kept secret, but.. If i don’t swim, people are going to start asking questions about why i can’t and they’re going to make fun of me and- i’m already unimpressive in their eyes, i don’t need to be made fun of for… something stupid like this…”
“I see.” Kinjo responds. “So what do you want me to do?’
“Can I…” Yuki scratched his cheek. “Can I hold onto you a bit…? If we go a bit deeper, your feet should probably still touch the ground… and then you can tell everyone we did it together and i just got tired after that.”
“You’ve strategized.” Kinjo remarks, brows raised. “Alright, i can do that for you, yuki.”
They head in the water together. Yuki grips onto kinjo’s arm, who looks over at him impassively. “Wait, let’s stay in the shallows for a minute.”
“Alright…”
…
Yuki skids the water through his hand and procures a small splash while kinjo is zoning out. It hits him in the side. The officer looks over, exasperated. “What was that for?”
Mutely, yuki splashes him again, wetting his hair this time. “...pfahaha! Your bangs are all over your eyes!”
“You… maeda…” kinjo sputters out, in that moment overcome with the ridiculousness of the situation. Yuki, who had just asked for his help in convincing their students of a lie, who had just dragged him into the water, was now pelting him with it like a child? How stupid, how ridiculous, childish, how…
But the way Yuki is laughing… somehow, the way he’s laughing just…
Kinjo fires back. A wave of water hits Yuki in the arm and he shrieks. But despite his clear losing battle in this situation, he continues splashing kinjo back. “I-it was a joke! Please don’t bring the wrath of poseidon on me, kinjo!”
“Yet you KEEP splashing me…”
“...well, cus it’s funny.”
Kinjo launches another wave at him out of spite. This one leaves him dripping wet.
They eventually move into the deep end. Kinjo allows yuki to hold onto him, asking him if he’s ever learned how to tread water. Yuki shook his head morosely. Utsuro’s parents were too absent to teach him, he’s never had a particular natural skill in swimming, and something about the ocean is just so… terrifying to him. He can’t put his finger on it. But something about Kinjo being here makes everything a little easier to stomach.
Kinjo is quiet for a few moments before he offers to teach him. Yuki is hesitant at first, but kinjo insists. There is no way to gain strength in a topic without leaving your comfort zone. He has a feeling he’ll have to be a little more careful and soft with yuki here than he typically would in his own self discipline. But… that’s out of his comfort zone, too, isn’t it?
In the same way that he agreed to come here in the first place. For the same reason he’s in the water now. It’s… odd to him. The chatter, the laughter, the expected realization. It’s odd to yuki. For his feet not to touch the ground, to be near entirely submerged, plagued by worries of drowning. But he can hold onto yuki. And yuki can hold onto him. And excruciating as it feels for both of them… the sun is still shining down on them. Everything is still okay.
The lesson goes well. Yuki can tread water by the time kinjo has finished his instruction. He’s thrilled, and ends up gingerly wading around until his arms get tired. He loudly proclaims he swam to his fellow students when they get back. They’re not sure what the hype is about, but good for him?
At the end of the event, they all have a beach picnic together.
Tsurugi Kinjo will find sand in his clothes months and months after the event has ended.
Yet somehow, he’s still glad he came.
#asks#i will also tag this as#writing#even though it's not like an official piece of writing#it's something like that worm conversation#writing with an asterisk#i had to nerf myself on this one#like physically force myself to stop writing it#i just love fluff with these two a whole lot#nkgkmau
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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Ahh! I love you for saying that 😭😭
I thought my works were sort of.. like premature boyish 😭
It kills me to proofread so I just post, but I really like writing fluff! It’s so cute to get to write that type of stuff, I don’t rlly like physical touch but I do let my close friends do it.
You are such a good writer though! You should be famous, and no worries if you don’t follow ❤️
GIRL NO UR SO GOOD
That's so real I make my friend (assistant) proof read for me.
#physical touch tjing is so real#forcing myself to TRY to enjoy hugs.#omg stop 🙄 u deserve more fame
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GUYS GUYSGUYS OH MY GOD. OHMMYGOD I JUST FIGURED SOMETHING OUT


so after joker gets hit by a train solomon gives him this mysterious green liquid. i've been wondering what it was, my first though was maybe there was an undiscovered lazarus pit in the sewers or something like that. but i was rereading task force z and

it's lazarus resin!!!

maybe grundy grabbed a vial when he tackled bloom? but either way that is definitely the same type of vial and the color is similar (not identical but that's likely bc different artists/colorists!)



my running assumption has been that this line was metaphorical but it's not! it's literal!!! joker DID die when he got hit by the train but grundy brought him back with a vial of lazarus resin!
and i've been making mental connections between tfz and tmwsl the entire time but it was kinda theoretical (and still is!) but the lazarus resin thing makes my theories more plausible for sure imo
so in tfz there are clones, amelia, delia, and celia. the powers company has cloning tech. and they also have memory replacement tech!!! that's what they did with the fake bane! they tampered with his memories. the thinker says that he has cognitive profiles of metahumans but in issue 12 bloom manages to resurrect a dead corpse with the powers company resources and make it think that it's jason todd/red hood, who is definitely not a meta, so evidently they have tech to do the same for non-metas
so my theories are that either:
1. they cloned joker and implanted memories in the clone. this could maybe connect to the network plot in the joker (2021)
2. they found a very fresh corpse with a striking resemblance to joker, and then maybe gave him a nice acid bath and implanted the memories (or they found a way to do this with living people)
i think it's highly likely at this point that sewer rat undead!joker is the real joker, especially after knight terrors. so now the question is: if i'm right about this, who's behind the other (LA) joker? harvey? did bloom somehow survive? geri powers? maybe even waller? and what are they up to? is LA joker an escaped experiment or does whoever's controlling him have an agenda?
#physically shaking and trembling i'm so proud of myself for catching this#i haven't seen other posts abt this but lmk if someone else has posted abt this am curious#the joker: the man who stopped laughing#task force z#joker#it's entirely possible that the other joker is either a clone from the network or some multiversal fuckery or something else. who knows#but i think that the lazarus resin thing definitely makes it more plausible bc it establishes a solid connection between tfz and tmwsl#and proves that rosenberg is being attentive to details and leaving lil hints / easter eggs#connecting the dots i'm connecting the dots!!!#should i tag this as spoilers uhhhhhjnjukg idfk
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i really really need anger management classes
#or just the walking away ability because of fucking course i can't change how people think and definitely not when i am angry but the urge#to just bash someone's head in a wall gets so appealing that if i don't force myself to stop it might actually happen somebody and i wish i#was kidding but it is also sort of impractical because i am not that physically strong but my mind keeps coming up with ways and i hate that#nobody should be worth that much of energy
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...BIG FEELS AND BIG PLOT DEVELOPMENTS AT THE END OF THAT BOOK, HUH
#Tyto reads WoF#i know it's not the most pressing issue what with the vengeful ex-Queen and the murderous sister and all#but I still want to point out how alarming it is that the new crew are all going to be wearing seemingly radioactive rocks as jewelry now#Turtle please don't pick up strange rocks that give off their own heat for the love of all that's good#ANYWAY yeah what the actual frick is going on with Darkstalker huh. I genuinely do NOT know whether he's trustworthy or not#desperately lonely and unfairly demonized? absolutely. truly cares about Moon as a friend? I think so.#capable of integrating peacefully into modern dragon society without letting his own ego turn him into the monster he denies ever being?#....... 😬 remains to be seen#god and there's Scarlet's mysterious new accomplice(?) with the maddeningly vague physical description and also THE SCROLL(!!!!)#and i just realized we failed to get resolutions in this book for EITHER the vision of Turtle attacking Anemone OR#Flame's unique and frightening ability to sense and/or attack mindreaders????#where the HECK are we going with Flame I am going lowkey INSANE over him#ugh frick and Umber and Sora are both on the run too...!! this book is nearly as cliffhangery as Dark Secret#(though thankfully i prepared for this by checking the next book out ahead of time so i wouldn't have to wait LOL)#uhh buhh final thoughts before i force myself to go to sleep:#I love Moon and everything going on with her but I do feel like on some level it's even more of a slap in the face for poor Starflight#that the only tribe to get multiple POV characters in this first. like. extended arc(?) appears to be the NightWings#and Starflight himself doesn't get any of the tribe's unique defining features or abilities#i mean i guess the same is sort of true of Sunny and yes i know it was the POINT of book 4 that the tribe had no powers#but still idk it just feels like kicking the poor boy when he's already down. in addition to him literally getting beaten up again#(... now watch me be a total fool and the arc actually extends past book 8 or something making this point moot lol)#(I'm only assuming it ends at 8 bc that's where the previews in the back of the previous books have stopped)#EDIT: LOL yep turns out this arc does extend out to book 10 and the other POVs are Turtle and Qibli so I stand corrected.#that's what I get for nightblogging
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mental health tips seem so easy and obvious when you're okay but when you're in a bad mood - when you actually need them - suddenly they're all shit and pointless and you can barely string up a thought that leads to following them. what the fuck do you do about that
#yeah ik that beating myself up over mistakes or imperfections won't help#but when i'm in the process of doing it i can't really force myself to stop. you feel?#one part of me will go 'this won't help' but the other bigger part will say 'nothing will anyway so punishment it is'#and then my entire brain is dedicated to punishment. currently it's at least only mental and not physical#(one might argue that the mental is what's leading to my health issues but shhh i'm talking active stuff here)#vent#I GUESS?????#anyway. if you have takes beyond 'just do it anyway' hit me bc this is a genuine question sorta.
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They are Shota4Shota4Shota to me
#Bellector#CollectKing#KingBellector#I'm making tags up for myself#I have a whole AU in my head for Permaregressed!Belos X The Collector X Season 1 King#Where they CANNOT stop getting into very catastrophic shenanigans#And the Collector learns to appreciate life a little slower and more naturally rather than thru watching Luz die#And I guess Phillip does too but he's already not as terrible as he is in canon#And also the Collector physically and mentally turned him back to his child self. Because that's what he really wanted obviously#So he's just kinda living his best life with his new Big Brother Hunter and his two best friends#Anyway I LOVE them and if I could draw the Collector's little hat correctly I would draw them all more often#But I cannot. so I shall suffer#Toy Ship#I guess technically it's a#Cradle Ship#But I force aged Belos down because he's HAPPIER LIKE THAT
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alrighty, so we've now got muse lists based on genre/fandom!! so dorverold muses, slice of life muses, and kny muses! chiyo will still be the main muse of the blog, but i think this set-up will be a little easier to navigate based on interest. at this point, i'm just not going to offer anyone whose muse is near non-existent ( even as a " test muse " ), so you can safely request anyone and everyone i've currently listed <3 i'll edit the pinned post and blog navi soon, and pls ignore the fact that i haven't written chiyo's kny verse description asdfg it's coming!!
#her default kny verse will be her as a kakushi but i wouldn't be opposed to giving her a slayer verse at some point#it just might be something i'd plot with someone? bc i think outside forces would have to force her hand#being directly responsible for someone's life based on physical capability and skill is much scarier than being part of the clean up#and the medical care that follows the fight#like yeah people can die in chiyo's care but at least that's more so bc their wounds were really bad vs chiyo being weak#honestly i could ramble a lot about this but i'll stop myself... i guess... but like plot with me some day <3 asdfg#get ready to ramble | ooc#i really gotta go to bed soon weeps
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struggling again 👍
#i got bad family news and i truly do not how to feel about it but i thought i was handling it well but uh turns out im not. i've shut down#it took a week for me to reply to messages#i got really into something so i was just doing that all day every day instead of thinking about anything#and i've stopped eating again i can't force myself to eat but im so scared its going to get bad again but i just cannot make myself sort it#out by just fucking eating#i need a healthy outlet for my emotions but i guess after 28 years that isn't going to start now so ill just. fall apart instead#also i think there is something physically wrong with me but im too anxious to tell anyone about it because i suffered with a a bad#infection the other week and nobody took me seriously so whats the point lol!
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i am so tired of being out of shape but i have no idea how to fix this. someone should invent exercise that doesn't make me want to shoot myself in the head.
#i can only exercise when the exercise is secondary to some kind of activity with visible progress that makes sense to my brain.#i don't mind boring tasks! i can do boring tasks as long as they are visibly ACCOMPLISHING something!#if it feels like running on a hamster wheel i will simply stop doing it and there is no way to force myself to continue long-term.#i can soldier on for a little while but it just makes me exhausted and burnt-out and so so depressed.#i have tried habit-tracker apps i have tried habitica they do not work!!!#the activity ITSELF needs to be reinforcing. checking a box on an app after the fact is not it.#i need to be like...sorting a huge field full of heavy scrap metal into organized piles. or something.#i want to do hard physical work that has obvious physical results in the world around me.#lifting heavy things repeatedly for no reason = psychological torture to me. i feel like i'm in a lab experiment.#lifting heavy things repeatedly in order to accomplish some kind of overall task = rewarding and fulfilling. i feel alive and connected#to my body.#i am currently the skinniest and also the weakest i have ever been and i am having a bad time.
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sorry for having an ocd spiral on main do u still think I'm hot
#the spiral is ongoing actually im just using this post to force myself to stop talking about it#physical barrier. no more public spiral past this point
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he aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-- <- a piece of bread fell on my keyboard and I tried to take it out
#bloblopost#I'm writing!! This is progress!!!#I'm kinda forcing myself to sit down and write Something but!! as long as it works I don't mind!!#Obviously not punishing myself for not writing a lot. I'd burn myself like that and stop writing again#Which is bad because looking back at the amount of writing from 2016-2019 and the amount in 2020+... It's not good chat. It's not#Trying to find joy in throwing all of myself into writing and reading physical books. We'll see what's gonna happen#ALSO YES it's a Stardew Valley Harvey fic :D#I still have a couple of transformers fics written down but I'm not feelin them right now
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I wish there was one person I could apologize to and be rid of all my guilt. Unfortunately I could apologize my existence to God and still walk away with shame and guilt about it /:
#miranda talking shit#Ya feel me?....#I'm sorry to my mother for not being an healthy and successful daughter. I'm sorry to my friends for not being more helpful when they need#Me and that I'm so annoying all the time. I'm sorry to my work and colleagues for making more work for them#I'm sorry to my country and economy for not being an efficient working human#All people out there thinking mentally/physically unhealthy people are happy and loves not providing for themselves#Like bitch I've not met one such person who didn't have at least 30% guilt about it and would work if they literally could#I'm trying and failing to force myself to even do shit I enjoy rn. What would make me feel better: hobbies. Friends#I'm just clinging to people I love like I'm drowning. Hi please spend time with me. Hi please I need you. No don't ask why#Don't ask or I won't ever stop and everything will break OK?
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