#PLEASE IVE BEEN TRYING TO POST THIS FOR MONTHS I SWEAR IM ABOUT TO GIVE U P

[safetyobstacles]

starting o segredo na floresta now, im either gonna finish this in a week or its gonna take months good luck me

update - i love joui

joui, its a little cloudy out, roll for sanity. joe, you stubbed your toe, roll sanity. joui did you just frown???????? roll a sanity test with disadvantage. that was cool joui, you gain 1 sanity. just kidding somewhere in the netherlands a child tripped and scraped their knee, you lose 10 sanity.

i think im going to put my updates under the cut instead of spamming posts B) beware of spoil

UPDATE

if cellbit takes liz or thiago from me ill never forgive him

this bar has to be its own paranormal entity, thiago would have died if the gun had a bullet in it and cristopher nearly got knifed to death in their first fight loll

EP 2

npc thiago about to be the most useless mf ever i swear if he dies to a stray ant or something ill cry just put him in a box for safe keeping

what would i do without the mental image of joui dropkicking every monster he sees

liz why are you finger painting with the ooze monsters remains and why did it give you 1 hp ?????? NEVERMIND

EP 3

RACCOON bro has 8 health but he sure is happy

faz um teste de sanidade

when i said thiago was gonna die to an ant i didnt actually mean kill him with giant spiders

cristopher no please dont climb a tree these are spiders they can climb nah bro cristopher is dead af im gonna miss him. bro cellbit just kill him already bros dead 2 hp

damn

ep 4

at this rate luba doesnt even need to roll sanity we all know hes gonna fail anyways joui's having the worst two days of his life

jesus christ i just woke up i cant handle this shit cesar's punching a hole in my itty bitty heart bones

please stop talking about leticio's cacetinho

EP 5 how long is too long for a tumblr post btw

the starting soon screen replaced cris with arthur notlikethis

cellbit is far too happy about them going to this house i hate it i hate it

i would like for them to leave a casa now :))) they got gregório time to go :) DAMN JOUI JUST GOT STEAMROLLED BY THAT ZOMBIE ROLLED A 99 VS CELLS 1 jesus christ thiago LOL NO WAY GREGÓRIO IS DEAD AF bro was just taking a nap in the car and this is what he gets

that was horribly stressful its 3 am how am i supposed to sleep after that

to be fair, if i was rodolfo and liz didnt use the tazer, i would have just dragged gregório in front of arthur and killed him in right in front of his face soo...

ROLLED 100 LOOOOOOOOOOOOL a caverna

COOL GUY ALERT HOPE HE DOESNT KILL BRULIO HAHAhahaaa

EP 6 I HAVE GREAT ANXIETY THIS MESTRE GUY IS ABOUT TO KILL HALF THE SQUAD

luba i know youve been rolling absolute dog shit the last 5 episodes but this one really counts buddy brulio :(

most stressful hour of youtube ive ever sat through i cant believe they all lived

A PORTA FORTE

EP 7 im so glad they're going back to the house im so happy ive never wanted anything else this is great nothing could go wrong in this house nothing

7 episodes in and ive just now realised that he keeps talking about circles and spirals and those have significance with a certain element and now i want them to leave carpazinha go back home forget this ever happened

undressing with the homies in the haunted basement next to a dead old man

not thiago canonically talking to a bookshelf after complaining about joui's whispering to his shotgun

THIS GRAVE IS SO COMPLICATEDDDD I BET ITS FUCKING EMPTY THEYRE ARGUING ABOUT HOW TO "knock out" AN OLD LADY AND ITS PROBABLY JUST WORMS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GRAVEEE

this whole graveyard scene has me in tears thiago staring at nothing while they try to get him to unmute, old guy on the phone, joui picking up the old lady i just laughed so hard i feel ill

the one time joui doesnt fail a roll he loses 6 SANITY?? 8 SANITY?????????????? SENHORA VOCE TA BEM????? YOU JUST CHOKED HER OUT JOUI WAIT SHES GONNA DIE??????????? SHES GOING TO DIE???????????? THE GASOLINE IN THE MOUTH??

grounded from the shotgun for 1 week

EP 8

Thiago's pants are still fucked up from last episode btw

about to have a tpk over alchohol poisoning

if cesar survives this campaign hes gonna put as many points possible into forgery

a caverna im goign fuckign crazy the god of tdeath pr spomething is in this cave theyre gonna walk inside trip on a pebble and get eaten by hundreds of tiny cave beetles

Victor is absolutely about to get his face eated by a spider and/or be swallowed by the cave

ok but santo berço looks kinda cool like i would live there

EP 9 he just (re?)released osnf merch but i refuse to be spoiled by absolutely anything ive done so well i will not be tainted by cesar's really cool green on black long sleeve

wait i love the gatekeeper its a shame this town is probably a hallucination and theyre all actually slowly dying in the middle of the forest GIANT COWS I LOVE THE GIANT COWS WITH REGULAR SIZED HEADS

????????????????????????????????FELPS??????????????????????

buttery butter

thiago this is why you should have quit smoking

?????FELPS?????????

EP 10 so if thiago hadnt used the lighter would felps still be alive, probably just would have died later B)

bro joui has got to buy new dice this is crazy

this is gonna be the average 2 star motel experience BRO JUST DABBED ON CESAR liz is about to get bodied by the hallway ghosts this is just like a regular motel HUH UHHHHHHH

no joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy joui kill the hotel guy

mom i want to go home i dont want to stay in santo berço anymore jesus christ

EP 11 how am i supposed to just start the next episode after that i think the mental image of brulio beating arthurs skull in is burned into my brain space

sandwich sandwich

i love the giant cows so much i want one GIANT CHICKEN LAY GIANT EGG I LOVE THE GIANT CHICKEN intimidating the human sized pig

EP 12 still thinking about how cellbit thought new zealand was so close to europe, he was so sure of it that he was making me unsure of where i knew new zealand was

both times thiago was played by cellbit some horrific shit happened so with arthur being an npc this episode im prepared for the worst also this starting soon screen is fucking wicked

are you telling me joui's max sanity is now 12 bros been losing it for so long hes stuck like this joui is the "damn, you live like this?" meme

CELLBO ROLEPLAYED TOO HARD HIS HEADSET JOINED AS AN ENEMY AND BEAT HIS SETUP

"that sounds like a book title" bro let the intrusive thought win

baby nidere

no way the cow has been suffering this whole time ill cry

theyre about to rp their way into an angry medieval mob when they get found with the body of the dead gatekeeper B) does santo berço have dungeons, bc if they do thats where theyll be sleeping tonight nvm the gatekeeper has demons inside him sorry joui HUh no way they killed the gatekeeper dude wtf

EP 13 chat's a bit excited to go in the cave guys if anyone reads this what am i supposed to do once i finish this season. what do you mean i just have to go onto desconjuração. what do you mean i have to leave this story behind. please let me keep all the characters in this one.

THE CAVE MAP IS COOOOOOL THE LIGHT MOVES WITH THE MINER everyone struggling to flip their characters 5 mins into the cave made me laugh so hard i had to pause to breathe

I LOVE MOLES DUDE THEYRE SO COOL ok but i dont love this many moles BRO I LOVE MOTHS TOO THIS IS AWESOME wait no i hate bats THIS MOTH IS SUFFERINGGGGG

THE SUCC hes about to kill them all with the Succ out of spite thiago never mock one of cellbit's monsters again ARTHUR ZIUM

door door door door door door door door door door the gatekeeper is alive???

ih arthur nah dude let go of cesar :(((((((((((( gotta hand it to arthur hes survived two of these situations now get it, hand it to him, CAUSE HE LOST HIS FUCKING ARM WTF HIS ARM DETATCH LIKE A LEGO sorry i vote we still kill the gatekeeper just in case just to be safe

EP 14 did cellbit have a past traumatic experience with a vacuum is that why he created the Succ

agatha?????? bro agatha's life sucked big pp

every time cellbit says hes excited for something i grow more afraid

if they kill and eat the gatekeeper would he also taste delicious just wondering

i think i might know the reason why 12 sanity joui has a funky grey form but 55 sanity thiago doesnt, but maybe im crazy nevermind thiago had the funky grey within him this whole time wait does that mean hes gonna die if santo berço dies DAMN

joui just really wants to see thiago naked also hes just blatantly stealing arthur's knife he really is losing all his sanity that was possibly the most unconvincing "nada" ive ever heard

EP 15 before i start a new episode i always go to the vod on twitch and watch the memes first so i can go "hehe" for five minutes, and then go "oh no" for the next 4 hours

hypothetically, if joui managed to get the symbol on him before anyone noticed would he have just lost all 12 of his sanity and gone mad cuz that would have been crazy :,)

this is it cellbit is finally going to kill npc thiago joui is so very happy about his shotgun i thought maybe he was getting better but hes whispering to it again

alright whats up with cellbit and the outwards opening doors because i swear i have never seen a door that opens out instead of in, are all the doors like that in his home these doors are made to have creatures attack from inside ih i just checked like 3 times to make sure i was on the right episode lmaoooo

"pobre martha" DAAAAAAMN MARIANA ICE COLD

one buff woman vs all 3 equipe kelvin who will win (1 woman) crazy that equipe kelvin managed to accomplish what took our group 9 episodes to get to lool they even got the leticio cacetinho dlc, but they did skip the spider boss fight and the entire house level

THE BLACKSMITH IS MIGUEL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

EP 16 the joui, liz, and arthur cosplay look like theyre going to a nice dinner meanwhile thiago, kenan, and cesar just look homeless

idk if thiago's making it out of this one :,) maybe we just take thiago's weapons its not like he can do much to help anyways kenan wants to skin him listen brother i dont think thats gonna work im at the 52 min mark and cellbit is acting sus af the blacksmith is about to appear and stomp them all or something

joui would roll a 99 and nearly knife cesar and liz is trying so hard not to metagame her way to the explosive backpack loving how trigger happy joui is right now go on guys give him more explosives what the worst that could happen

is kenan also a wellspring do they have to kill him cuz thats gonna be kind of awkward and on that note since thiago has the symbol on him does that make him a wellspring too ill cry i will cry

NOT JOUI APOLOGIZING FOR LYING ABOUT HIS SAMURAI ANCESTRY

damn that scene between joui, liz, and thiago was the best in the entire season

i would like to take this moment before they all get swallowed alive by some horrible sludge tentacle monster to proclaim my absolute hatred of Santo Berço. I know i said at the end of episode 8 that i thought it looked cool but im over it ive moved past that point in my life i hate Santo Berço

BIG GOOEY MEATBALL

"the people are happy here!" says the blacksmith as he currently has 5 people forcefully locked up for decades that have gone mad with probably no way of ever regaining their sanity i just realised miguel and the old blacksmith fucked and had a kid

final boss aboutta come crawling out of the meatball please stop trying to skin thiago the symbol isnt gonna come off

THAT WAS SICK AF THEYRE ALL DEAD AS HELL

???????????????????? "kenan you have one last sane move before i take your character and throw him off a cliff"

:(

post i made after i finished osnf (made like 3 days later because i was so so so so so so so so so so sad)

https://www.tumblr.com/safetyobstacles/739056899257942016/i-finished-osnf-after-almost-2-months-and-you-know?source=share

[onlyjaeyun]

zadie as a jay girly on tumblr who struggles to find fics for him sometimes, i agree with you!! ive expressed this in a prior ask and to other blogs too, there’s not enough jay fics!! there’s so many writers that have jay in their bias line but never post about him whether it’s just pics or putting out fics for him. there’s a shortage of smaus and long fics for him especially. but ig bc it’s how u said people will beg for it but then not interact. it’s so sad at times because he’s literally straight out of a romance movie and as i’ve said before he fits so many diff tropes. there are days where ill go to his smut tags and nothing is added to it for days or its mostly stuff for other members. but there’s always something new on the other members tags. like hello jay is so sexy please give me smut i beg!!!

i don’t really reblog because i am just a reader on tumblr and don’t want anyone to find my acc, but i def will try to because ik writers love that way more. but when there is jay content omg i put it in my likes right away. i usually also send my feedback through anon and tell them i loved it! there’s this one jay fic that’s an absolute masterpiece but only has like 200ish notes. which isn’t bad but i swear it deserves like 3,000+. maybe i’ll send the link in another ask if you’re interested in reading it. it’s a fake dating/kind of rich kid/college au! it also features other idols and i swear i read it like once every three months.

ik it’s not that deep but this whole thing kind of extends over to sfw/non fic related content on twitter too. i feel like sometimes he doesn’t get the hype he deserves and it breaks my heart cause jay has expressed that he’s not super confident in himself. i just hope he knows he’s very very loved. i remember there was a time a lot of the jay update accounts that had 10k+ followers started selling their accounts to some random crypto/nft bots and stuff and it was so sad. i don’t play about jay, im not normal about him i just want him to know that we love him so much MY BABYYYY 😭😭😭

- 🐥

no no please spak your truth because ive been dyinggg to talk about this and im glad im not the only one who noticed 🫣 i absolutely agree with everything you said and after talking to mutuals about this i realised just how sad this makes me because jay really is a great person and writing him is SO easy bc you have such a great base to work with if that makes sense 🤕 i really genuinely hope people will start appreciating his content more bc its so little and deserves just as much love and interaction as the other boys' content🥺

[aloneatl4st]

Having a crush on a straight guy is consuming me alive.

Ive talked in my last post that Ive had a crush on a straight guy who for the sake of the post I named Hunter but like noone is gonna find my posts, much less him so for my ease Ill use his actual name, Ares.

Its officially been like a good 8 momths since Ive started liking him. Ive even had a lretty ugly fight with the friend also from the last post about it but we both decided its smarter to pretend like it never happened because neither one of us was seeing eye to eye.

Sometimes I wonder if its worth it to waste time crushing on a straight guy and the speed at which I answer no to myself is almost terrifyingly fast lol.

That being said Ive ynfortunately got nothing going on and have too much free time, so I spend it fabtasizing about what it would be like if he liked me back.

The problem lies with the fact that Im not cisgender but dont quite use any lavel right now, closest one that would descrobe me being genderfluid with a predominant feminine presentation (amab). As a gay boy I know he could never be interested no natter how much he keeps saying that "maybe hed give a guy a chance but probably not" and hed never be interested if I was a trans woman because I have a feeling he might not actually see me as a woman even if thats the most confortable label for myself (Im not out to anyone regarding my gender identity, everyone knows me as a gay boy).

There were nights when I prayed to a god above for him to see me as more than just a friend and I was met woth silence, not because the gids are cruel, but because Im holding onto a wish so abaurd they don't even consider it.

But oh how sweet it is to talk to him and how much I miss his presence... ever since we finished the first year of college he went to his hometown and I havent seen him in well over a month now.

Ares, please give me a chance, I dont have any relationship experience and naybe Im talking out of desperation, but Ive never felt affection for a man quite like I have for you. I swear that if you'd let me try Id treat you like the king you are and deserve to be treated as.

Youve been breaking my heart for over 8 months, and over the xoyrse of these 8 months I have forgiven you every second of the day for it.

I wish I could confess to you, just so you would hate me and you would never speak to me again. I want you to hate me so much your heart hurts so that it would be easier to get over you. Or maybe I wish that you would get a girlfriend so that I would hurt more and more and more until I broke and had to rebuild myself from the ground up, without the affection I feel for you this time.

Youre my favourite friend, Im sorry I want you like a lover

[madr0ck]

Suki (2019) dir. Noel Miller

“Imagine Yoko Ono, but instead of killing bands, she loves to kill people.”

[tamaharu]

sigh okay so. last night, i finished orv. i basically blitzed over the epilogues in a couple of hours, and i can officially say i have finished orv. if you have populated my blog at all over the past couple of months, there is no doubt you have seen me talk about it at least once.

now, usually when i finish something - especially when i have posted about it extensively on my journey - i tend to do a write-up about it. just to bookend the liveblog, get my thoughts in order, and give an official recommendation or otherwise.

i cant do that for orv.

link to the webnovel english translation (i can also give you a link to an epub that you can download if youd prefer to read that way.) + link to the webtoon manhwa

im not someone who generally cares if i get spoiled or not. its nice to go into a story and be surprised, but it doesnt ruin the experience for me. therefore, i take a generally laissez-faire attitude towards what i say and reveal in my own liveblogs and reviews. thats how ive been doing the orv lb as well, more or less. however, with that ending...

orv is a beautiful, long, heartfelt, chaotic, hilarious mess. its a lot, both in terms of content and word count. its not for everybody. but i want it to desperately be for you. orv, and its ending, is a story that i could talk about for however long you might like. i could go through every plot beat in a bullet list, i could try for days and days to really convey what emotions the ending stirred in me.

omniscient reader's viewpoint is a fantastic story. its nearly perfect in every way. are there some things i wish could be changed about it? yes, of course. nothing is ever truly without its flaws. but those criticisms are far and few between, are superficial at best.

none of it, however, would ever be able to accurately convey anything of what this story has just done to me. to understand, you simply have to read it for yourself. that is the only possible way for you to understand. ...........which is very thematically consistent LMAO.

the last ending that got me this fucked up was utena, and we can see how its destroyed my brain since! even then, i didnt feel the need to lock down my queue to allow for some breathing room lol. a superficial thing, but maybe something that can possibly convey the sense of that ending.

im just going around in circles at this point. please. youll understand why im being so weird about this if you read orv, if you give it a chance. you wont regret it, i swear.

[moonhoures]

/CRASHES THROUGH YOUR DOOR/ MOONIE THIS IS AN EMERGENCY AAAAAAAAJSHSHSHSH HE- HE POSTED K-KYUN- KYUN POSTED THIS HE- HE SAID…HE SAID HE SENT IT FOR US TO LOOK AT BEFORE BED…FOR US TO PROMISE WE SLEEP AFTER LOOKING AT THIS…WELL NOW I CANT SLEEP AND I CANT STOP THINKING ABT KISSING HIS NECK AND THE THREE MOLES AND- THAT GYM SELFIES HE TOOK…EVEN KIHYUN POSTED A SHIRTLESS BED SELCA AND I-

S I G H. /tries to climb back up lean against the door and tuck my hair under my ear/ s-so! h-how have you been moonie? i swear this is not how i wanted to log into this app but literally couldnt stop thinking of you after seeing THAT photo…i have refrained from crashing through your door from the blonde kyun to black short hair kyun to new arm tattoo kyun to gym pics (and dont get me started on yeonjun for the entire gbgb era) but this takes the cake…please talk about it. please. literally need someone to write a scenario or something off this exact bed selfie or ill be thinking abt it for a whole month god i have too many thoughts;; …anyways ive been busy! im prepping for my next semester that starts in a few days and been trying to get back into drawing and designing after the semester break 😮‍💨 been keeping up with on all the mon x shenanigans on twitter but refraining from going on tumblr bc i spend way too much time reading 😵‍💫 the nsfw alphabet is amazing btw!! i love it…like too much. your new theme is so pretty too!! seems like that changkyun pic has a chokehold on all the kyunbebes <3 and omg 🥺 i saw that ask…cant believe you even think of me but to think of me every day??? 🥺🥺🥺 once i get used to my new schedule ill come visit often 💕 hope you eat your meals regularly and well, stay hydrated and get good rest!! manifesting a good rest of the year for you, hoping you have more happy moments above all the other emotions!! oh god this is probably going to be the most disorganised and incoherent word vomit ive sent so far but please bare with me…kyun is giving me a hard time rn. ANYWAYS I LOVE YOU MOONIE!! 🫂❤️ sending u hugs kisses and flowers! 🌹 i will be trying my hardest to sleep 🥹💦

- 💐

☺️ thanks for thinking of me when you saw the new kyun pics!! my sister sent them to me earlier and we definitely were losing our minds (mostly me tho lol) i also can’t stop thinking abt kissing his lil moles on his neck 😩😭 the kihyun pic also didn’t help…. at this point my monsta x bias list is nonexistent 😅 also kyun’s hair and new tattoo has been making me so emotional. this is gonna be my third time seeing monsta x live and each time he’s had his black hair so it feels very nostalgic for me in a weird way lol

i’m so happy you enjoyed the alphabet and my new theme!! i hope your semester goes well and you take care of yourself as well! i’d love to hear from you as often as you can visit 🥰 but of course, school and personal life comes first, don’t stress too much!! 💕

[falling-fineline]

Rest It On Your Fingertips

(Cake Hoodings one shot)

hi! you can call me elle!

this is my first cake ever one-shot!

ive never written anything like this before so please be kind and i did write this in 2 days while i was high and horny and thinking about calum and luke.

the following one shot does have references to self-harm so tread lightly.

other than that, this is just a angsty smutty fluffy mess! hope you like it! please reblog or like this post if you do or you can read it on ao3

come talk with me! im swear i dont bite! xx

“Heeeeey, you said I could have the last puff,” Luke whines, sticking out his bottom lip.

Even from right beside him as he pulls on the rooch, eyes hooded, Calum can see how chewed up his boyfriend’s bottom lip is. His teeth working relentlessly ever since the two of them started smoking after their show. For a brief moment, Calum wonders why the other was so nervous as he turns to face luke on the bed, slowly mo0ving his left hand to grasp Luke’s chin. Leaning in, the older bloke blew the last of their shared joint into the other's lips.

Calum’s lips lingered on luke’s for just a moment before he leant back on the headboard, admiring Luke’s side profile as he exhales out slowly, the smoke curling around in the air in front of them. Casted by the low lamp light, Luke’s nose looks more fairy-like against the stark shadows.

Luke hums contently, eyes closed, a huge grin on his lips. Luke tilts his head back as he too leaned back against the headboard, relaxing into the wooden board as the high seeps through him. He’s on the good side of buzzed, feeling warmth circling through his veins, slouching further into the mattress.

Calum glances and notices that Luke has his eyes closed. Feeling unusually brave, (probably from the weed), Calum leans in and licks a bold strip up the side of Luke’s left cheek. His tongue runs along Luke’s beard, getting a loud open-mouthed laugh bursting out of the blond.

“That tickles!” Luke’s shaking shoulders from his laughter bumps into calum’s black vest cladded chest.

Luke’s black leather jacket hung in the bathroom to air dry out the smells of a 2 hour show. The blond lad’s red silk button up looked blood red under the warm hotel room lights. Calum can’t help but run his hands slowly down from Luke’s chin, trailing down the button band, first through Luke’s chest hair, fingers moving on to clink his finger nails against the bottoms, small clacking sounds is barely heard over the sound of music that’s playing from calum’s Bluetooth speaker.

Luke’s eyes flutter open as he senses the warmth radiating off calum’s hands casting over his chest as it hovers there, actions paused for a moment.

Today was Calum and Luke’s one month anniversary of when Calum asked a shy looking luke out, a blush painted on the blond’s cheeks as the younger lad had nodded fervently with a huge his playing on his lips. His lips. Which were nervously being bitten. Why was he nervous? It could be because of the conversation they had this morning.

Luke had clung longer than usual when they had their morning cuddles. When Calum asked his boyfriend what was on his mind, the blond took a breathe and answered into calum’s stomach.

“I want us to finally have sex tonight..After the show. Like all the way. I want to celebrate tonight. I want you in me, Cal.” Luke’s voice had tapered off toward the end, getting more and more anxious the longer he went on. Calum had scooped Luke into his arms and hugged him tight, lifting the other off their feet. Luke had laughed open mouthed like he does when he’s happy.

Fast forward to now, where Calum can clearly see the blond’s growing bulge that’s hidden under cotton white Calvin klein briefs. Clearly ready for their first time together. Calum noticed that Luke always got horny when they got high. Whereas Calum got mellow, calmer, more observant of his surroundings. And it wasn’t until recently that Calum caught on that yes Luke was affectionate but he was also trying to flirt with Calum when he was high. Having the edge off from the weed had helped Luke’s courage and self-esteem a lot.

Calum had also noticed that Luke’s hands unconsciously played with the bottom hems of his briefs, pulling them down further his pale thighs whenever they rode up from movement.

“What’s got my pretty boy’s head all worked up?” Calum asked the blond lad across from him. Both hands coming down to hold and steady Luke’s nervous pair. Although every other part of look is hot to the touch, his hands remain cold. Poor circulation do to his nerves probably.

“I’m nervous of how you’ll… react.” Luke said into his chest, head bowed down to hide his face from Calum’s view. Hands squeezing shut under calum’s tattooed pair.

“React to what?”

In the dim bed side light that’s casting over Luke’s face, it looks as if Luke’s eyes are filled to the brim with tears, holding it back for the sake of show. The blond's cheeks grow hot in embarrassment even though he doesn’t know why because he’s cried in front of Calum before.

“You’re my best friend, bandmate and boyfriend, babe, you can tell me anything that’s on your mind and hopefully I’ll help you alleviate your troubles.” Calum strokes his thumb across the backs of Luke’s hands to try to ease him down, try not to get him too worked up. His other hand came up to stroke across the bottom of Luke’s left eye and swiped some tears away.

“I’d like to keep my shirt on if that’s alright with you.” Luke said firmly, looking up into calum’s eyes to communicate his conviction.

“Of course, whatever you’re comfortable with, pet.”

Luke blushes a light shade of pink at the pet name. And, with new found courage, the blond closes the distance between their lips. Mouths working together, the kiss begins at a slow tempo, hands roaming bodies as lightly as the afternoon wind sweeps over red dessert peaks and valleys. The kiss turns breathless when Calum’s hands wander past Luke’s perky nipples, erected due to the immense pleasure and connection he’s feeling between them. The brunette takes his time kissing down Luke’s torso, nuzzling his face into blond curly chest hair to get a breathless laugh from Luke.

Usually, when the two of them get intimate, it’s usually Calum receiving pleasure while luke eagerly gives it. They have had their fair share of dressing room quick blowjobs. And it’s not that Calum doesn’t have love to give back. He has so much actually, but luke always pushes his hands away or if the blond does get really eager for relief, he keeps his briefs on while Calum sucked him off.

Calum never questioned Luke on why he keeps certain clothes on during sex, but he chalks it up to Luke slowly opening up to him and being more and more comfortable when the two of them get intimate.

So when Calum goes to remove Luke’s briefs, he looks up to the blond and asks “Is it alright if I take this off for you?”

Calum can feel the blond’s muscles tighten then release for a moment before he answers with a quiet “yes”.

Agonizingly slow, Calum takes off Luke’s briefs, Luke lifting up his bum to help his boyfriend with the process. When they get settled again, Luke’s briefs thrown beside the bed, Calum finally understands why Luke had been nervous about. Or really, Calum sees them.

Thin messy white lines of healed scar tissue line Luke’s inner thighs, strokes beside one another in a somewhat orderly fashion. Not one of them are any longer than 5cm in length, but the sheer amount of them made beside one another is jarring. Calum feels Luke’s eyes on him as the brunet takes it all in.

“Y-you don’t have to… pay any mind to them.” Luke’s voice trembles a bit as his left hand goes to grab a hold of calum’s hand, grasping it tightly.

Calum’s eyes are filled with unshed tears as he softly uses his free hand to stroke over the fading scars. There’s roughly 30 odd lines riddled into Luke’s fleshy skin, on each thigh.

In a quiet whisper, Calum asks “Can I know when it started?”

Luke answers a while later. “The breakup with her was hard for me to… process. And then when we came off tour, I was all alone in my house and I-… it was like I was in my own personal purgatory. It was Ashton that actually found me in my bathroom,” The blond gulps, eyes casted downwards. “after I had cut myself particularly too hard, I had panicked and called Ash. He came into my house but for a while I didn’t open the bathroom door for him. I was so ashamed. I was scared too though. So the fear brought me to opening the door for Ash and when he saw how pale I was, how unwell I was, he asked me to move in with him for a while. Until I got back on my feet.”

The blond lulled his head until it landed in the crooks of calum’s shoulder. Calum leans his head into Luke’s for a moment then speaks.

“Luke Hemmings, I love you so damn much. You are the strongest person I know and you’ve come so far. So so far. You are a bright light in my life that I look forward to seeing and loving every single day. So Luke, will you let me take care of you tonight?” Calum’s hands start to sweat as he waits for the blond to answer.

“Yeah, alright.” Luke whispers, closing his eyes as he moves to get settled on the bed with a pillow put behind his head.

Calum’s about to stick his pointer finger into his mouth to lube it up with spit when Luke’s eyes snap open and he grabs a hold of calum’s hand mid air. Luke slowly recloses his eyes as he sticks calum’s pointer finger into his mouth, pink lips surrounding his knuckle. A low moan is hummed around calum’s finger as Luke lows down at Calum, where he’s lying his head on Luke’s hip, eyes hooded but Calum can see a glassy sheen to Luke’s eyes that tell him that he’s feeling mighty good right now.

That sparkle in his eyes, coupled with the low moans emitting from the blond’s mouth has got Calum frantically giving himself a quick squeeze to relieve some pressure.

Taking his finger out of Luke’s mouth, Luke eagerly watches his boyfriend strategically lube his other fingers with the slick split luke provided. Once Covered optimally, in one swift motion, Calum inserts a lubed up pointer finger into Luke’s hole as his mouth grabs a hold of Luke’s dick and swallows him down, sliding his finger in matching the slow pace.

Luke’s eyes are glued to the brunet, mesmerized, as his boyfriend enthusiastically bobs up and down his hardened cock, slick with spit. Calum pops off Luke’s cock and starts jerking him off in a more rapid pace, his fingers gaining speed. Somewhere between Calum playing with Luke’s balls and Luke, he swears to God, moaning out calum’s name when his fingers curve and hit his prostate, calum’s got 3 fingers in luke.

“so…fucking deep” A moan breaks out at the end of his sentence and Luke’s hips jerk up unconsciously, trying to shove his cock into the back of calum’s throat.

Calum’s gagging on it, sloppy sounds emit from the bed that would make anyone blush if heard. Calum loves how Luke’s fully letting himself feel the high and the pleasure of being pleased for once. A silent moan fits on the blond’s lips as he says “I need you, right now, please” It comes out like a breatheless whine towards the end but seeing luke ask for what he wants is turning calum on more than he thought was possible. Calum let’s Luke’s dick slip out of his pink overworked mouth to speak.

“you want my cock in you, pet?” calum’s voice is hoarse and so fucked out it’s the hottest thing Luke’s every heard. Calum takes out his 3 fingers, just to shove them back up to his knuckles as his tongue licks a strip up Luke’s being cock, pre cum spewing from the tip and onto his stomach. Luke’s hazy mind didn’t register the question that was directed towards him until a moment later. Luke’s gaze wanders from his dick up to calum’s moving mouth, and sees his own pre cum is gathered by the side of calum’s left side of his lips. Luke feels himself get impossibly harder at the raunchy sight.

“what?” Luke asks, speech delayed.

“I asked if you’re ready for me now, babe.” Calum sits up, adjusting his seating position so his own erection isn't squished. Luke was so caught up in his own pleasure that he forgot about his boyfriend.

A frown forms on the blond’s lips as he reaches for calum’s bulge. “Baby, I’m sorry I-“ Calum kindly swats Luke’s sloth like hands away before he cuts him off.

“I said that I’ll take care of you tonight, didn’t I? So that’s what I’m gonna do, will you let me?” Calum brings a hand to run through the blond locks in front of him.

Luke nods, so Calum takes his hand out of Luke’s hair, sets it beside his head on the pillow. The other hand jerks himself off a few strokes. Lining up his cock, Calum leans down to kiss Luke as he pushes in slowly, to the hilt.

A low groan escapes from Luke’s mouth as a moan comes out of calum’s as he resists the urge to pull out to pump back in again so early.

“You feeling alright, love?” Calum breathes the words onto Luke’s lips as the blond nods and says “Move.”

Calum wastes no time and pumps into Luke like all the times he’s fantasized about this moment in locker room showers.

Luke’s got his eyes scrunched shut, his legs bouncing around calum’s round hips. Soft “uh uh uh’s” stream out of luke’s pink lips. Luke tightens his legs around Calum, all while he sticks his tongue down calum’s throat, wrapping both hands around calum’s neck, holding him there for a moment.

They kiss fervently, Like tasting himself on calum’s lips. They kiss as if tomorrow will never come and tonight is the last chance to show their love for each other. Calum shifts his hips, circling them in a way that’s got them both moaning a string of curse words at the pleasure.

The sounds of skin slapping on slick skin echo around the walls as the sounds of harry styles’ tune Medicine starts to play.

Here to take my medicine, take my medicine

Treat you like a gentleman

Give me that adrenaline, that adrenaline

I think I’m gonna stick with you

Here to take my medicine, take my medicine

Rest it on your fingertips

Up to your mouth, feeling it out

Feeling it out

Calum swirls his tongue around Luke’s mouth, playing tag with the blond’s active tongue.

I had a few, got drunk on you and now I’m wasted

And when I sleep I’m gonna dream of how you tasted

Calum’s steady rhythm rocks into Luke, a rhythmic thud can be heard as the headboard bangs against the wall.

If you go out tonight, I’m going out ‘cause I know you’re persuasive

You got that something, I got me an appetite, now I can taste it

We’re getting dizzy, oh, we’re getting dizzy, oh

La la la la la

You get me dizzy, oh, you get me dizzy, oh

Luke begins stroking his own cock, his mind muddle by the weed and absolute euphoria he felt running through his veins. Heat began to gather in his stomach as his orgasm began to build.

Tingle running through my bones, fingers to my toes

Tingle running through my bones

The boys and the girls are in

I mess around with him

And I’m okay with it

“Where to do want me to cum?” Calum pants into Luke’s right ear, hips never tiring their movements as they ram into the blond’s hole, skin slapping on skin.

I’m coming down, I figured out I kinda like it

And when I sleep I’m gonna dream of how you ride it

“cum inside me, please cal, I want you to cum inside, I want your load in me god I want it so bad please please please.” Luke sounds so gone, speaking mindlessly, words meshing into the next, slurring speech. Calum pulls back his head and sees that Luke’s already looking at him. His blue eyes are bleary, constantly glancing from side to side, trying to focus on calum’s warm brown ones. Pupils blown, can barely see where the baby blues have gone in the heat of ecstasy. Sweat seeps into the pillow under luke’s head, moisture on his forehead. Curls unruly and matted against his face. Mouth hanging open has he’s pounded by his boyfriend. Luke Hemmings looking like this, fucked out and on the edge of climax, was a sight for calum’s sore eyes only.

If you go out tonight, I’m going out ‘cause I know you’re persuasive

You got that something, I got me an appetite, now I can taste it

We’re getting dizzy, oh, we’re getting dizzy, oh

La la la la la

You get me dizzy, oh, you get me dizzy, oh

I had a few, got drunk on you and now I’m wasted

Luke cums with a shout of calum’s name, eyes scrunched shut as his body spasms with pleasure. He paints his stomach with his spunk, white goop sticky on his stomach and chest. Although he slumps back onto the bed a little bit, he pulls calum’s head down beside his and starts whispering into the brunet’s ear, under the sound of music playing.

If you go out tonight, I’m going out ‘cause I know you’re persuasive

You got that something, I got me an appetite, now I can taste it

We’re getting dizzy, oh, we’re getting dizzy, oh

La la la la la

You get me dizzy, oh, you get me dizzy, oh

“I want you to fill me up, Cal, release your load into me, let me milk you out cal, milk you out with my tight tight hole. I wanna feel you pulse in me cal, Calum, Mmm.” Calum pumps one final time before he buries his face into the crook of Luke’s neck, teeth grabbing onto flex as he cums inside Luke’s hole, teeth biting down momentarily. That’s going to leave a mark. Oops.

As they both come down from their highs, Calum pulls out of Luke slowly. White spunk drip out of Luke’s hole into a small puddle onto the bed sheets.

Luke cuddles into calum’s shoulder, chest rising evenly as it falls with each breath he takes. Minds coming down from their own orgasmic highs.

“Thanks for that. I felt so good. So..loved.” Luke blushes a bit at his remark, then a small grin settles on his lips. He turns around onto his stomach, still lying on Calum. Calum eyes crinkle before he speaks.

“I love you and I want you to know that your light shines brighter than the gold glitter you put on your eyelids before you go on stage. Your light is so unique and irreplaceable. I look forward to loving you more and more each day so please, stay.” Calum annunciates the last word with a soft peck of his lips against the blond’s.

Luke does continue on. Staying by calum’s side, in the band, in the world. He surrounds himself with the loved ones he had once convinced himself that they didn’t love him back. He is well loved by all, especially Calum.

Some days are harder than the others, with Luke bed ridden for days on end. Boxes upon boxes of tissues are used up to soak up at the tears he’s got to shed. Or he’d be numb out of his mind, staring out the bus window, trying to actually See what’s in front of himself and not just noticing it.

Other times, he takes petunia out for walks and works out with Calum and goes to the studio with Ash and plays Mario Kart with Michael.

Luke takes it one day at a time.

[eberles]

i hate u, i love u

Rafe Cameron

(gif by @toesure :)

Request: A Rafe fic based on the song “I hate u, I love you” by gnash (ft Olivia O’Brien) PLEASE MAJOR RAFE VIBES 🥺💖 @fav-imagines

A/N: I wanted to cry writing this lol idk why but it hit me right in the feels!! it’s kind of all over the place, if anyone is confused by, don’t worry bc i am too!!!! lol anyways enjoy!! (this is probably the first thing ive ever written that goes with rafe’s character) bold = lyrics, italics = flashbacks

Warnings: angst, mentions of drugs, cheating, lying, toxic relationship, swearing

feelin used, but im still missin you and i cant see the end of it just wanna feel your kiss against my lips and now all this time is passing by, but i still cant seem to tell you why it hurts me every time i see you, realize how much i need you

I’ve spent months sitting in my room staring at the ceiling, and at the walls. I did a full Bella Swan from New Moon and let 3 months go by without being present for any of them. I didn’t care honestly...Even after spending all that time alone, i’m not still not healed from the heartache that was caused by him. I still miss him, his scent, his kisses, his clothes, everything. Rafe.

I went out once and he was the last person I wanted or planned to see, but of course, he was the only person I actually saw. Sure, there were other people around, but none of them mattered. Everyone else felt greyed out except for him. He was the only light I could see in those short moments. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, my breath hitched in my throat and it felt like there was no air left to breathe.

After months it still hurts to see him again. It hurts because I realized I still need him even after everything. I hate him. So why do I love him? The feeling of him being the only one I want, the one nobody could ever replace...it’s overwhelming and I can’t seem to shake it. But me? He replaced. It looked like it was easy from my point of view. He needed her, wanted her, and i’m not her.

i miss you when i can’t sleep or right after coffee or right when i can’t eat, i miss you in my front seat, still got sand in my sweaters from nights we don’t remember. do you miss me like i miss you? fucked around and got attached to you.

My head was consumed on thoughts of you. It was constant. Like the leaky faucet in the bathroom or the loose floorboard. Always running, always broken. I miss you. Maybe you’ll come around, but for now...I wish you were here instead. When it’s late and I can’t sleep, I think about you. When it’s early and I can’t eat, I think about you.

“Where are we going?” you giggled excitedly, grabbing my hand from across the console in my truck.

“Shh, I told you it’s a surprise baby, we’re almost there anyways.” I laughed at her giggling like a kid, she had so much excitement in her eyes. She was always ready for anything, even if it was 2 in the morning and I love that about her. I love everything about her.

“Ugh fine!” she groaned dramatically and rolled her eyes in a full circle looking up at the ceiling. “Why are we at the beach?” you didn’t even give me enough time to answer before jumping out of the truck and running towards the sand laughing the entire way to the water. Once I caught up with you, I grabbed your hands and pulled you close into my chest, kissing your forehead. When we broke apart I laid down a few blankets on the sand, noticing you were cold, I also gave you my sweater.

We stared at the stars and talked about anything and everything for hours. It felt magical. We stayed until the sun came up, watching the sunset before driving back to my house for some much needed rest.

Walking over to my closet, curious to know if that same sweater ended up back in my closet after that night. I reached in, digging around not finding anything and decided to look in my dresser instead. Of course, it was folded neatly in the drawer you used to call yours. Grabbing and shaking it out I noticed the light pieces of sand that fell from it. I brought it in to my nose wondering if it still smelt like your perfume. It did. I’m always tired lately, but never of you. Do you miss me too?

if i pulled a you on you, you wouldn’t like that shit, i put this reel out, but you wouldn’t bite that shit. i type a text then i never mind that shit, i got these feelings, but you never mind that shit. you’re still in love with me but your friends don’t know.

To Y/N: i wanna talk, i think...maybe i miss y-

*delete*

To Rafe: I miss you so much, it hurt someti-

*delete*

“Y/N...what’s going on? You’re off in never never land! Do you still miss him?” Kiara asked, gently shaking my knee to gain my attention back to the group. I looked at her and around at the rest of the pogues and put a smile on my face, shaking my head.

“Of course not, it’s been months! I’m so over him, guys. Besides even if I did, it wouldn’t matter.” I tried so hard to sound confident. I hope they bought it. Of fucking course, I miss Rafe. I’m still in love with him for gods sake. I hate that I want him.

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Sure, i’ve moved on, but I think about y/n, just about everyday. I guess for me, moving on is finding someone new, but not actually wanting anyone new. I just couldn’t bare to be alone anymore with my thoughts. I deserve better than that, personally.

“Anyways Topper, if y/n wanted me still, she would say so right?” I looked at Topper, silently hoping he would lie to me, just tell me what I want to hear, man. “If I were her, I would’ve never let me go. She’s missing out.”

“Hell yea, dude! That’s the right attitude.” Topper said, jumping up to high five me. Of course, that was the statement he was on board with. I hate that I want you.

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I haven’t been to a party in months, Kiara and Sarah thought that this would be the most fitting post-break up activity for me. Maybe meet a new guy or something. I tuned out when they were telling me about it and just agreed. What I neglected to listen to, was that it was a kook party. So now, i’m at a party alone, since my friends ditched me to dance with each other. And on top of that, I watch him watch her, like she’s the only girl he’s ever seen.

It took less than an hour of being at this party for us to end up in a room alone together.

“You don’t care! You never did!” Rafe shouted, running his hands through his hair, clearly exasperated with this conversation. I don’t even know how it started. One minute I was watching him with another girl, and the next he was hauling me off, away from everyone.

“You don’t give a damn about me, Rafe! How is it you never notice that you’re slowly killing me?” you wanted to yell back at him, to scream at him for putting you through this again, but you couldn’t. He didn’t say anything in return so you continued, “I hate you, and I hate that I love you, Rafe.” I’ve tried to move on, but even the simple thought of dating anyone but him, makes me physically ill. Why does it have to be like this?

“I don’t mean no harm, I just miss you on my arm, babe. Do you ever wonder what we could’ve been y/n?” He’s taunting me by asking dumb questions, as if I wanted this to happen, as if i’m the cause of all of this. Rafe’s the one that was closed off, not me. Of course, he switches the stories and i’m sure everyone at this damn party thinks I left him heart broken.

“You have a girlfriend, why are you even asking me that?” I was starting to get angry, I felt like he was toying with me.

He’s laughing. Of fucking course, he’s laughing at me. This is all one big fucking joke to him. “Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix. Isn’t that what you always told your friends Rafe?” I was furious, how could he act that way after everything? He’s still a child though, that will never change.

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You were right. I did lie to you, multiple times. About where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. I didn’t want you to know I was such a fuck up. You didn’t deserve the pain of finding out I was lying and cheating and drugging. You did anyways though. Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed.

“Rafe! Come dance with me!” I downed the rest of my drink before throwing the glass down and walking away from the new girl I was seeing. I didn’t care anymore.

I don’t want you, Y/N. I shouldn’t fucking miss you. I don’t deserve to! Seeing you again is such bullshit. If you wouldn’t have shown up here, I wouldn’t have said those things to you. Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges, just to create some distance. You didn’t deserve that, I knew it, but at least now you might learn your lesson and stay away. It’s for the best, right?

I hate that I love her, but I can’t put nobody else above her.

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I wasn’t sure if I had the closure I needed, but after that particular conversation with Rafe I felt a little better. I returned to the party with my head held high and danced with my friends. I hoped he was watching me too since i’m not sure what he was trying to do by joking around at my expense. But maybe if he thinks it didn’t bother me he will know how it fucking feels. 

I learned from my dad that it’s good to have feelings when love and trust is gone. I guess this is moving on. I hate you, I love you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[tigerdrop]

king u gonna elaborate on virgin benrey

 listen i have kiryu “is 100% a virgin at the ripe old age of 37, and this is appealing to me instead of fucking hilarious″ kazuma disease and it has followed me here. also this kind of branches into a completely different kink at the end b/c i am diseased

so you know how i write "obviously fucks good and hard all the time" benrey. well........you know.......like..........what if......................he didnt. what if he was. what if he had never fucked before in his life and his incessant flirting finally works and hes like "i did not expect to get this far."

envision, if u will, the delightful awkwardness of virgin benrey + "has never had sex with a dude before" gordon

ive definitely brought up the possibilities of gordon going all science-brain on null benrey before but i think it works just as well on virgin benrey too. its a learning experience for both of them and if theres one thing gordons good at, its research. and gordon probably gets way too up in his own head about making sure he does this shit right and spends a lot of sleepless nights googling "how to have sex with dudes" and, you know, researching, 

if benreys not the one fucking babying him thru his first gay experiences he is probably going to bungle it so fucking badly and i think it would be really funny 

alternatively please consider gordon being so fucking neurotic about benrey never having done this shit before that he avoids the subject as hard as possible, thinking that hes gonna dick it up hardcore, but the whole time benreys just thinking "bro i havent had my dick touched in [however long hes been alive]. come on". the tension

furiously making out with him behind a fucking crate in black mesa and then realizing this is Going Places and gordons voice breaks as he says, way too loud, "I GOTTA UHHH GO RELOAD MY SMG. RIGHT NOW"

you think gordon is touch starved ? no. Hell with this 

Im just tsying theres no evidence hes been touched at all by another human being in his life before this. if hes video game in real he benrey noclip out of being touched 

what if he like, chooses not to noclip/not feel....ON that time gordon catches him. just cuz hes curious, a gay impulse. or maybe hes so surprised (and gay) he forgets to avoid it

and oh, to be in gordon freeman's gentle grasp. makes him into an unholy annoyance of awkward gayness for the rest of the series

YEAS.......also he has definitely thought hard about sucking gordons dick but doesnt actually have any idea how he would go about it. hes just heard its cool

giddy thinking about the scenario where its actually benrey whos terrible at sucking dick b/c hes never done it before and gordon who actually does suck dick like a champ

i know that this is literally the plot of the very first serious nsfw fic in this fandom but still. virgin beney. benrey getting sucked off for the first time in his entire life and shaking like a fucking leaf......

Power trip of Gordon realizing this guy whose been hitting on him the whole time has no idea what to actually do 

Gordon Freeman Gives Benrey A Prostate Exam

its a joke but its not a joke. virgin benrey being vaguely aware that being fucked by gordon freeman would be cool, in theory, but not fully conceptualizing of how you actually get a dick in your ass until gordons like "what?? no, dude, you cant just stick it in there" and gives him a demonstration and thats how benrey discovers he has a prostate 

benrey like "idgi man this just feels weird. when do we get to theohhh my god what. what that" and gordons like "what, u mean this?" (curls his fingers again) mean smirk hours

i want him to make a squeaky little noise when gordon says that and curls his fingers again, and gordon's like "ha- knew he'd like it" and keeps kneading him a while; but oops, suddenly benrey's coming with an even squeakier noise 

gordon's so surprised he just keeps going, hes like, not comprehending until benys whining at him to stop

a thought: benreys not good at "being human" and probably doesnt actually know whats supposed to happen when u nut so every time hes been jackin it he just does it until it starts to be Just A Little Too Much and then hes like "mission accomplished" and stops. imagine his fucking surprise when  gordons jerking him off and he doesnt stop and hes like "wh ha hu what the fuck i already got off bro" and gordon just stares at him and the distinctive lack of cum on his hand and s like ".......did you?  you sure about that one." 

tl;dr benrey squirming and babbling and digging his fingers into gordons back as he begs him to keep going, he doesnt know whats gonna happen and hes feeling totally overwhelmed b/c gordons pushing him further than hes ever been pushed and he keeps inadvertently trying to wriggle away b/c its So Much but gordon, maybe, pins down his hips so he can get benrey off For Real....... 

even better if its when gordons sucking him off for the first time so he can wrap his arms and hands around benreys thighs to keep them spread wide open and firmly in place 

knees shaking and thighs jumping constantly 

and benrey has no idea when its supposed to be over so he cant even warn gordon properly. he just keeps getting louder and louder....... 

maybe even.......completely hunched over gordon......pushing him down on his dick with his hands in his hair....... 

alternating between babbling "stop" and "dont stop" b/c hes stupid 

eventually gordon gets so sick of benrey not being able to decide whether he wants to shove gordon onto his dick or yank him off that he just pulls off and says "look, man, do you trust me?" b/c he would really like to just get benrey to stop edging himself here 

UNINTENTIONAL OVERSTIMULATION.......THE TEARS........HHHHHHH

and he eventually gets benrey to nod furiously at him that he trusts him and gordons just like, okay, im not gonna stop then. im gonna keep going. and.......he does 

eyes glazed, hair sticking to him with sweat, hips all twitchy, dick all red, face also all red 

sucking benrey dry until hes over sensitive....... 

He started off spasming then he’s rocking into Gordon’s face by the time he’s wailing his name. Panting and gasping like he’s fucking DROWNING 

gordon meanwhile almost nuts in his pants from the fuckin show that benreys puttin on for him and hes not even trying. hes just Like This. gordons got jerkoff material for the next month just thinking about the way benrey wails his name and clutches his hair tight 

benreys like (slurred) 'u gonna jack off or sumn.......was it not hot'. gordon fighting with every cell of his body not to scream "WAS IT NOT HOT?"

trying to decide what would be hotter: gordon jacking off while hes on his knees with his head resting on benreys thigh or jerking off on benreys stomach and.....r.......rubbing it in

benrey watching gordon cum and feeling a whole new context for it cause now he knows how good it feels and gets turned on again faster-

thinking.......about.......th. next time. now that benreys figured it out. he gives it a try on his own time and hes so surprised that it works that he goes up to gordon like "yo. check this out. i figured out how to jack it" and gordon has the most unimpressed look on his face imaginable 

"proud of you, buddy. am i good to go back to watching storage wars, or" "you wanna uhhh.....wanna see it maybe?" and that changes his entire tune

imagining benrey being so fucking bad at it still that he keeps doing the start-stop shit b/c its so intense and hes not used to it and the thing that actually gets him to finish is gordon, pants down to his knees and fisting his own dick like he might die tomorrow, leaning forward and telling him that hes got this, benreys gonna come for him, right? come for gordon? 

gordon fucking telling him "dont stop" WRT jerking himself off and benrey just listening to him and pushing himself is ruining my fuckin mind 

its a really good thought......i love how it plays into non-human benrey having to figure out human stuff........makes me crayz

probably keeps being sensitive for a long while too........ (mumbling very very quietly) and if hes so sensitive from never being touched before......maybe hes kind of........uhhh..................ticklish

new layers to the whole "oh my god its too much stop it" + "i actually dont want you to stop touching" thing .. . . .. . . . + gordon powertripping when he realizes whats going on with him and why he keeps jerking away and trying not to laugh when gordon touches him like on his stomach or his sides

benrey accidentally jerks too hard and knees gordon in the dick from how ticklish he feels just from like, hands on his sides or something

i was actually thinking about......like.......gordon laying on the ground and suffering (because why wouldnt i be thinking about gordon suffering) and deciding that enough is enough and offering to.......desensitize benrey. you know. for his own health

you know. uhhh. tying up his arms and legs, perhaps, and. you know. "do not noclip through these. i swear to god, benrey, if you kick me in the dick again" 

i'm think about benrey begging gordon to stop, so he does, to check if this is a Forreal stop or a "hahah nooo~" stop, and benrey asks him through gasps to keep fucking tickling him (except he just says smth to the effect of ."gh.. ....keep doing it dude wuhdah hell...") and gordon gets an evil fucking grin and just feels on top of the world "yeah?? think you can handle it, huh???" and just destroys him. benrey thinks about gordon's horny manic face for weeks 

neither of them had a thing for this before this point but the combination of feeling like hes being tickled and gordons hands on him for the first time making him mad horny gives benrey a brand new fucking fetish. gordons manic fucking face im so glad we are on the same wavelength about that

i truly hate my own posts. incurable. diseased

[captain-kingliamsqueen]

“DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!”

Pairing: Liam x Riley, Liam x MC,

Summary: Bradshaw has a run in with Liam and Riley.

Word Count: 1,708

Masterlist

 ASK IF YOU WANT TAGGED! SORRY IF I MISSED ANYONE!

I always notice every single spelling mistake or issue after I’ve posted…so apologies in advance! 

Tags aren’t working so I will be tagging in the comments.

Riley stretched before flickering her eyes open to be greeted by the early morning sun that shone through the gaps in the blinds. She yawned as she threw the duvet back and climbed from the bed. Riley pulled her fuzzy robe on along with her slippers before making her way to living room where Liam was sitting with 3-month-old Delilah, feeding her, her bottle, whilst he ate his breakfast.  Due to Liam's meetings usually starting earlier than Riley's, they had a routine, Liam would see to Delilah when he got up, he would feed and change her whilst eating his breakfast at the same time,  by the time he was done Riley would be up and would take over whilst Liam went to shower and dress.

“Good Morning” Riley smirked as she leaned down to place a kiss on Delilah’s head then another on Liam's lips.

“Good Morning, my love, how did you sleep?”

“Really well actually, I missed my husband when I woke up though” she grinned

“one day my love, me might just get to wake up together” he chuckled as Delilah started babbling away, patting her little hand against his cheek

“we can only dream” Riley chuckled “why don’t I take little miss here and you can eat your breakfast” Riley reached her hands out, taking her daughter into her hold.

“Hello, my beautiful little one!” she grinned as Delilah giggled away.

“would you like a cup of tea?” Riley asked Liam as she headed for the kitchenette

“now that would be magnificent!”

Just a short while later, Liam was just getting out of the shower, whilst Riley was finishing her breakfast whilst Delilah napped in her room. Once Riley had finished eating, she headed for the bedroom where Liam stood with just his trousers.

“is she sleeping?” Liam asked as he made his way over to his wife.

“yeah, she’s been down for about fifteen minutes”

“hmmm good, then I can have a few minutes with my wife” Liam smirked as he wrapped his arms around Riley, as she done the same to him. As Riley look up at him and smiled and she moved to her tiptoes, placing a gentle kiss to his lips.

“I love you” he whispered

“I love you too” Riley replied in the same tone.

“Liam, do you really think Amalas will pull through for us in time for the betrothal ball?” Riley asked, worried that they would not manage to get Delilah out of the betrothal.

“I’m not sure, sweetie, all we can do is hope, my love” Liam sighed as he held her tight. “I promise…I will do everything I can to get her out this, I put her in this position, I’ll get her out of it”

“hey…” Riley whispered as she placed her hand gently on Liam's cheek. “do not blame yourself for this, we have been through this Liam, you done what you had to do, this is not your fault! They put you in a position where you had to make that decision, and you chose to save mine and Delilah’s lives, they put her in this position Liam, not you!”

“I can’t help but feel responsible”

“then I will spend the rest of my life persuading you otherwise” she smirked

When five pm hit, the family started to get ready for the ball, Riley dressed in an elegant red lace gown, whilst Liam wore a black tux with red accents. Delilah was dressed in red tutu dress, with detailing on the top that resembled her mothers. Before they knew it, it was time to head down to the ballroom. Liam held Delilah as they headed down the grand staircase, Rileys nerves could be seen from miles away, she was fiddling with her dress, she was messing with her hands, frown evident on her face. Liam placed his free hand comfortably on her lower back as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Hey…take a deep breathe, everything is going to be fine, I promise, I will make sure of it! no matter what, we leave here tonight, no longer caught up in all of this, I give you my word”

“I just…I”

“I know…it’s alright to be scared sweetheart, I am too, but we can’t let it get the better of us, we will get out of this”

Once the couple reached the large double doors leading to the ballroom, they stopped walked, Riley fixed the bottom of Delilah’s dress that had gotten a little bunched up, then gently used her thumb to wipe the drool that was slowly gathering on the little ones chin. Once the three of them were ready, they were announced into the room. As soon as she entered the room, the two slyly looked around the room hoping to see Amalas among the faces, but neither came across her.

They spent the evening on edge, hoping that she would appear.

It was a few hours into the ball, everyone had finished their meals and were either mingling around the ballroom or dancing.

Liam was currently doing some rounds, talking to the nobles, whilst Hana, Maxwell and Riley (with Delilah in her arms) discussed the proposal that Hana had been working on for the local primary school, that she would be presenting to the council in the next few days

Riley laughed as she watched her daughter babbling away as Maxwell pulled faces at her. It was just moments later that they were approached by Bradshaw.

“Queen Kayliegh, I don’t think I’ve had the chance to say how stunning you look this evening.” He smirked creepily as he placed his hand on Riley's upper arm, she could smell the booze on his breath.

“please remove your hand from my arm”

“now why would I want to do that!”

“BECAUSE IM TELLING YOU TO! YOU NEED NO OTHER REASON!”

She shrugged his hand off her with a sigh, “don’t you dare touch me again!” she stated as she passed Delilah to Hana. “Hana could you please take Delilah outside for some air”

“of course!”

“Thank you!”

“ha! You think you can talk to me like that? I am a king!” Bradshaw huffed

“and I am a queen! I do not care what your status is! You WILL NOT! Put your hands on me again!”

“HA! A queen? You wish you were a real Queen! You were handed your position as queen! You did not earn it! you are merely just an actress! you are here for one reason and one reason only and that is to please your husband! And soon…very soon, you’ll be pleasing me in the same way! when we take Cordonia for our own and ive stripped Liam of his crown…I’ll be taking you as my property as well!”

“I think you’ll find I earned my title!” Riley squared up to him, causing him to take a step back as she moved closer “YOU WILL NOT COME INTO MY HOME AND SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! DO YOU HEAR ME! YOU MAY THINK YOU CAN SPEAK TO ALL THE OTHER WOMAN IN HERE LIKE DIRT BUT YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? YOU ARE A DISGUSTING HUMAN BEING, HOW DARE YOU THINK YOU CAN SPEAK TO PEOPLE LIKE THAT! I AM NO ONES PROPERTY! ESPECIALLY YOURS!” the whole court went silent as soon as Riley raised her voice, since the day she stepped foot in the palace she had never once raised her voice the way she did.

“YOU EARNED IT? BY DOING WHAT…OPENING YOUR LEGS FOR THE KING? I WILL SPEAK TO YOU WHATEVER WAY I PLEASE AND THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! JUST WAIT! I WILL HAVE CORDONIA… I WILL HAVE YOUR CROWNS…I WILL HAVE YOU! YOU’RE FAMILY WILL BELONG TO ME! YOUR WOOS OF A HUSBAND! THE WANNA BE ACTRESS THE QUEEN…AND THEIR PERFECT LITTLE ANGEL!” As soon as he mentioned their daughter Riley's fist swung at his jaw

“YOU WILL NEVER HAVE MY DAUGTHER! I WILL MAKE SURE OF THAT!”

Riley watched as she seen Liam approaching, he stopped dead in his tracks, directly behind Bradshaw. The anger could be seen throughout his face with the snap of a finger, Liam had pinned him to the closest wall by the throat.

“SPEAK TO MY WIFE IN SUCH A MANNOR AGAIN, I DARE YOU!!”

“HOW DARE YOU TREAT A KING THIS WAY!”

“YOU ARE IN MY PALACE! IN MY KINGDOM! MY LAND! I AM KING OF CORDONIA AND MY WIFE, IS QUEEN, SHE EARNED HER CROWN AND HER THRONE!! SHE IS CORDONIAS QUEEN AND YOU WILL TREAT HER AS SUCH! YOU WILL NOT COME INTO MY KINGDOM, SPEAK TO OUR QUEEN AS THOUGH SHE IS DIRT! THEN DEMAND TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT!! YOU WILL APPOLOGISE!”

“I WILL NO-”

“Liam…just leave it…it’s alright” rile could see Liam relax a little at just the touch of her hand.

“Ha-ha! Well we all know who wears the pants in your marriage!” Bradshaw laughed

Liam took a deep breath as he clenched his hand into a fist before Swinging his arm, connecting his knuckles with Bradshaw’s jaw. Riley could swear she heard a crack.

“YOU WILL FUCKING APPOLOGISE THEN YOU WILL GET YOUR SHIT! AND YOU WILL GET OUT OF CORDONIA! AND YOU ARE NEVER TO COME BACK! DO YOU HEAR ME!?!? YOU ARE NO LONGER WELCOME IN MY KINGDOM! YOU WILL NEVER RULE OVER CORDONIA! YOU WILL NEVER HAVE MY CROWN…MY WIFE OR MY DAUGHTER! THE BETROTHAL IS OFF” Liam practically flung Bradshaw to the floor.

“Bastian! You are to escort Bradshaw and his family to the airport! You are to ensure they get on the plane and that the plane takes off!” Liam demanded as he walked past Bradshaw, midst trying to get back to his feet. 

“KING LIAM! I WILL BRING WAR TO CORDONIA!” he called as he got to his feet. Liam took a deep breathe before turning to face him but before he could say anything…

“I THINK YOU’LL FIND BRADSHAW…YOU AREN’T IN A POSITION TO DO THAT!” everyone turned to see Queen Amalas stood at the large double doors, with a manila folder in her hand and a smirk upon her face.

[selfcareparker]

LMAOO I WAS GONNA BRING UP FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER BUT I WASNT SURE IF YOU WERE WATCHING IT HSKAJ (are you liking it? i know it’s only the first episode but ya know, another one tomorrow night- well tomorrow night for me, and did you like wandavision?? i loved it!!)

oh my goodness i’m watching lion king while writing this and i haven’t seen it in a while and i am..... emotional. but anyway, i love that streaming services think that imma pay for them while they charge $50 a month. like yes of course i have that kind of money and i am going to give it to you to watch tv 🙄 that $50 is budgeted to sims thank you. (ALSO SIMS!!! i’ll get to that in a minute) now see if i don’t google levidia right this minute LMAOO, not that i’m gonna use it.. just for the research...

AND HDKSHS SEND THAT CHAOS WALKING LINK LMAO i saw it for the third time with a different one of my friends and she wasn’t the best one to see it with? she literally was on her fucking phone and i was like ok whatever her loss not mine, and idk if you’ve read the books or if you’ve seen it by now, but by the end of the whole movie, after they’ve confirmed THE THING throughout the whole movie she asked the dumbest question and i’m like diD YOU NOT WATCH THE MOVIE, and i guess she didn’t. so. this sounds so vague but i don’t wanna spoil the movie for you just in case lol.

THE STORY LMAOO, so A DIFFERENT FRIEND LOL, like my oldest bff, we had a day together and we wanted to go see chaos walking. and i honest to God thought that no one would be seeing this movie. like NO ONE. every day, i checked the theater seating and no one was there right? plus i really wanted us to have the theater to ourselves. so we sit in the wrong seats, the row in front of us, STILL THINKING WE’RE ALONE. and then these 3 older people came in AND IM ABOUT TO SCREAM FHSJSH AND IM LIKE “are we in your seats?” and they we were like uh yeah, AND IT WAS SO BAD LMAOO , we’re moving and everything would’ve been FINE but my friend’s reclined seat was going down so slow and as it’s going shes LITERALLY SAYING ALOUD “awkward awkward awkward” so she thinks forget it, lemme just get up. HER BAG GETS CAUGHT ON HER CHAIR AND HER FRIES AND THEY SPILL ALONG WITH HER HONEY MUSTARD 😭😭 ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so i’m trying not to laugh lmao but those aren’t even our seats and we just made a mess, so naturally, i get on the floor and start cleaning it up with my napkins (this is going for too long) AND MY FRIEND IS STILL SAYING “awkward awkward awkward awkward” and i’m really abt to crack up bECAUSE LIKE SHUT UP HAHAHA and we’re cleaning it and shit and the oldest lady is gonna say “yeah you’re not gonna make an old lady get on the floor, are you?” AND I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME BC DID WE ASK YOU TO, NO, so then i had to get the manager and she helped us clean it, we got new fries and everything was fine, it’s just a crazy story bc LITERALLY WE COULDVE AVOIDED IT AND EVERYTHING BUT THESE ELDERLY PEOPLE HAD TO COME AND SEE THIS MOVIE😭😭 at least the gentlemen was nice.. he helped us clean. but then his wife was like “i aM nOt siTTiNg tHeRe” and at first i thought she was a teenager bc of her stink attitude but her husband was nice. and it’s not like we weren’t cleaning it up, we were!!! like i was so apologetic- anyway.

about sims! do you play console or pc? wait,, you already told me you play pc bc your computer was broken, i’m glad you can play now though :’)) litetally when i read in the tags that you’re playing sims !!!! and are you hyped for bunk beds? i have cc so i’ve had them for a bit, but they were glitchy... but i’m so excited we have them now! i should really play sims today...

GURL IM SO PROUD OF YOU 🥺🥲 i know you aren’t fluent in everything and you aren’t a linguistic genius LMAO but it’s still soooo amazing :’) here i am reading the captions while ur just going hahah, yea i tried duolingo but.... i didn’t stick to it HDJSH talking to you though makes me so interested because you know all these languages, not even studying them like that, but you have this foundation and ahh it’s just super cool. LOL YOU DONT SOUND LAME HAJA IM TELLING YOU ITS SO SO COOL, i’m loving this lesson btw oh my goodness- HSKAJS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT??? HDYSJHS MY ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKING ASS??? HAHAHAHHAH i find that word (Rindfleischetikettie- i’m not gonna write the whole thing i’m sorry) very interesting... like... wow. did you have to google that or did you just know lmao

OKAH THE WATER THING HDKDJDKS UR GONNA TERRIFY ME HAHAH OH MY LORD- first of all CROATIA 😍😍 but thinking about it like that, I WOULD FREAK OUT TOO HAHSGSG i never go that deep into the water, or if i do i have my dad with me lol and i kind of hold onto him bc ive seen/heard too many things about people being dragged into the sea. but i loveee the water (i wanted to be a mermaid soooo bad ohmigosh)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CANNOT LIKE MUSIC ITS AWFUL !! lmao yeah i haven’t even listened to harry’s his first album, everyone says they love it more. I WAS GONNA SAY IMMA LISTEN TO ONLY ANGEL BUT THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT HUHAHAH also i have never listened to anything by mgk (i actually had to google who he was IM SORRY😔) i’m tempted to listen tho lol PLEASE JUSTIN BIEBER- I PROMISE IM NOT LAUGHING AT U IVE JUSY NEVER HAD SOMEONE SAY THAT B4!! like i don’t know many people who’ve liked him bUT NOW IM GONNA LISTEN & the cardboard cutout- okay. 😭😭😭

oh my goodness to see the vamps live 🤧 TO SEE ANYONE LIVE PLEASE JJDGSHAHGD and little mix is so good oh my goodness- i actually haven’t been to that many concerts.. i was at my first one, elsie fest (it’s like a broadway thing really) in uhhh october of 2019, yea i took my mom for her birthday bc she loves darren criss and i’m obsessed with glee lmao OH MY GOODNESS YOUVE BEEN TO SO MANY!!! and those are such great artists 😩😩

LMAO UR FINE, hamilton is a musical that lin manuel miranda wrote and i think generally made? i’m obsessed, but basically it was on broadway and then recorded and put on disney+ ... idk i guess it counts a film bc it’s like a movie really cuz it was recorded but in what 2018 or 2016? i don’t remembers the date that is on disney+ but it’s strange how i got into it, a lot of my friends were obsessed and i was like uhh why? and while researching it and watching it, trying to figure out why people love it... i fell in love with it LMAO but the music is FANTASTIC and lin is incredible😭 but yes yes yes i loveeeee high school musical!! my dad actually took my cousins to see it on ice or something (i absolutely forget lmao) but i don’t know how people don’t know hsm. it upsets me.

OKAY IM DOWN TO THE BOTTOM HAHAHA (it takes me so long to respond, now i’m on lion king 2 WHICH IS SO GOOD PLEASE FHHSSHHSHSH) i could respond in chunks but i kind of enjoy responding like this? it feels a bit like a letter but if this whole thing is overwhelming i’ll cut it up lol

+ yes that was me about your fic and sleep and everything lol but it was so good😭 i don’t understand how you write peter so well like you have this ability to capture his.. everything? i’m crine. all the time. over your fics. & i cannot describe my happiness for youuuu :’) i’m so happy you’re writing again 🥺🥰 the thing about how you only want to write the long peter fic but you don’t know how to continue... i feel that so so so hard, i don’t think i told you but ughh i was so blah bc of that feeling of having pent up inspiration for only one fucking thing and not being able to write it. it’s so frustrating 😭

not to add more to this but i need to vent a bit? the situation is definitely different bc with your major it obviously requires for you to ya know, know english lol, but uhm bc i’m homeschooled ive been cheating on all my work SHSHDHSJ like i google the answers but i’m still learning! it’s just..... i find it so unnecessary, like going for an audition no one is gonna say to me “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” like tf??? there’s literally no point. i’m gonna be getting into voice lessons again soon and i’m already doing dance, AND i’ll be doing this summer camp program (more hamilton lol) and thinking about school is only making me stress more, like i haven’t been able to rehearse dance at all this week bc of it...... so

hahaha reading your tags, lonely anon would still be accurate HAHAHHAHA // another add: yea i love ur current theme, i’ve gotten used to “seeing you” like this, but anything will look super pretty :)) ALSO HOW IS IT STILL SNOWING THERE, i swear it’s getting warmer and warmer by the day here 😭🤧

these long ass posts, my gosh🥲 lonely lovely anon <3

Omg yes it does feel like a letter sldkdj and then the few days of waiting also make more sense okay i love this ❣️💕❤️💓❤️💞🧡💜💘(wtf)sksjhz

Dear lovely anon,

ALSKSJVKD yes i‘m liking falcon and winter soldier dlkdh i haven‘t watched the second episode yet but i‘ll watch it tomorrow! but i didn‘t watch wandavision........ eidislskks i was going to but idk i wasn‘t that interested in it and watching series is already too much of a commitment (what can i say i‘m a Sagittarius—🤧 (no i’m joking i actually know NOTHING about starsigns)) didjj that i couldn‘t force myself to watch it, ALSO i hate (idk if this is an unpopular opinion) when every episode is like a whole hour. i‘m rewatching an old series today (it‘s german so i won‘t even get into it) and the episodes are 25 mins each and i‘ve already watched 8 episodes today ridlndjdjd,,, and i feel like if the episodes were an hour each i wouldn‘t have gotten past episode 2 today like idk.... even if series had the same length in total, i prefer when the individual episodes are shorter idk why tho tbh (so yeah i already wasn‘t 100% convinced about watching wandavision so i just couldn’t make myself watch a bunch of 1hour episodes— i‘ve heard that it‘s good tho- but i‘m not much of a series person so. Dldkk (have we talked about this already??? sorry i don‘t remember what i said lol and i couldn‘t find my own post anymore so dkdjsh) (WAIT I JUST CHECKED THE WANDAVISION EPIOSRDES ARENT EVEN THAT LONG??? Okay wait i might watch it now - did you like it? let me know if i should watch it— why did i think they were 60minutes???)

okay another confession i‘ve never watched the lion king????? i mean i watched it when i was a child but i was too young to actually pay attention to any kind of plot i just liked the songs lol sldkdj i‘ve been meaning to watch it for years tho 🦁 (idk it just felt appropriate to put a lion emoji lmoaoo)

OH MY GOD THE CHAIS WALKING/CINEMA STORY AHSJSKKS😭😭😭😭 NOOOOO (very fitting that there was so much chaos when you were watching a film that has chaos in the title loool) and the “awkward awkward awkward“ SAME SKSKSLSKDJ, that‘s literally me 24/7 ahajshshhshshsh. Like i was so skdjdjdkdllsldksnsnsnsb while i read what you sent me djslslsjdjdbdn why are old ladies always so grumpy btw 🥲🥲🥲 at least the man was nice tho! and wait did i read that right... you have fries (which, to me, are called chips dusuusldk) at your cinemas?? (Movie theatres sorry sksjsh) we just have popcorn and nachos and drinks i want chips too when i‘m watching a film what😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also i still haven’t watched it so thanks for not spoiling it!!! (idk when i’ll watch it i’m so bad with films and even worse with series💀💀💀- same with cherry. i literally forgot all about cherry, i was SO hyped when the trailer came out like i’ve never been so excited about a movie... and then it came out... and i still haven‘t watch it like what‘s wrong with me???? Dkdjdjdjdklsl i feel like i‘m not gonna watch it anytime soon tbh, but i wanna watch chaos walking i just have to find the time

Okay and @ your other friend who wasn‘t paying attention like why are you even watching the film then???? but ok (omg this sounds so mean i‘m sure she‘s very nice but in this situation just like❔❔❔)

SIMS ahhh, BUNK BEDS, ahhhh sdljdjdjdkdkdldksj i actually haven‘t played it since the update 🤧🤧 i made both of my sims (enisa (bestselling author already, thank you) and michael (aspiring doctor)) go to university and bro it takes so long 😭😭 and you can‘t do anything else if you want them to do well so literally the last three times i played sims i was just constantly clicking their homework and computerd to write their assignments (i play it in german so idk what its called on the sims) and do their presentations and do them all over again so that they get better or whatever for HOURS, but imma play again soon

also i‘m living my fanfiction life loool, so i made my two sims neighbours (on the same plot tho but i made two small separate houses lol, i still wanted to control both of them at the same time but i made sure they didn‘t interact before i wanted them to skdjdjdk). and first they both experimented and got some experience in the love department you know (all genders, cause i have to live my sexuality even in a pc game slskdjh— wait, i‘ve never lived my sexuality irl like i‘ve done NOTHING nothing with guys nothing with girls (🥲) but maybe that’s why i want to do it even more in the sims) and then they met at uni and realised like hey we‘re neighbours and now they‘re together (but michael accidentally had an alien baby with another woman (who was an alien which i was not aware of) cause i wasn‘t paying attention like i said woohoo not try for baby like michael why is your pull out game so weak tf LSHDDHDJDJSKKDKSKDKS okay but making out and flirting and doing all the fun stuff in the sims turns me on way more than it should PFAHAHHAHSH) so idk why i told you this but I’m creating that neighbour!au in the sims lmaoooo

i did not have to google Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsübertragungsaufgabengesetz (just did it again😌 sisjshhs) but i might have mixed up the words überwachung und übertragung or i might have even forgotten a word skskks but in the end it doesn‘t matter (by linkin park- ok i‘m so sorry it‘s 2 am and i have a headache from having waveformers in my hair all day but i still wanted to reply to this now so sorry if i‘m not making any sense right nowbahahshah)

i wanted to be a mermaid too dldjdksksj like h2O and all those series convinced me i could be one like. i remember i‘d always go in the deep pool and attempt to swim like them in all the series with that wave motion i must have looked so crazy with my goggles as well dkdjsksöksj (i was like twelve but still)

so mgk has two sides one is hip hop/rap which is like ~~~~ idk he has good and bad songs, but his latest album is like punk pop snd I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, so if you like punk pop I’d recommend his album tickets to my downfall (i don‘t blame yoj if you don‘t like it tho like about a year ago i would have HATED that type of music dkdkdkkd)🥴

Okay talking about music, there‘s this german rapper and he is... not a good person. he‘s literally a criminal and extremely sexist but to me he‘s still hot???????? he‘s even cute at times even tho he has tattoos everywhere and is like 6‘5 and is super aggressive but i see him and i‘m like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 my heart beats only for you💘💘💘💘and he released a new song today and i watched the video and i‘m wondering wtf is wrong with me 😃 (he did look particularly cute cause he was high so idk he wasn’t really aggressive in this one) 😭 so i thought i‘d share that LMAO IDK

(not saying tattoos aren‘t cute btw i LOVE tattoos imma get some soon, but you know he looks like someone your grandma would be afraid of (and in his case rightfully so💀)

okay wait i‘m getting so tired it‘s 2 am i think i‘ll have to do the rest tomorrow but i wanted to do it now😭🥺🥺 see you tomorrow

it is now 3:42 am and i couldn‘t sleep so here we go again

girl you can laugh at me for liking justin tho skskks i wanna laugh at myself idk, like i said i really really really liked him a few years go, basically my life was at least 50% justin and then he went on a break for a while and released an album last year which i hated 🥴 but this album is wow. (Still weird to me because it‘s literally the definition of pop and i don‘t ever listen to pop?) and it‘s so weird because i used to know so much about justin and had so many friends who loved him as well and now it‘s like I’m listening to someone new? Don‘t get me wrong i never KNEW justin and i never will and i‘m aware of that shahsh but yeah i used to be soooo used to him and it‘s like reconnecting with an old friend and you realise you don‘t know that friend anymore- like you don‘t know them anymore at all. I mean justin is weird nowadays 😂😂😂 so pls laugh at me tbh dskksjsjsh

awww it‘s so wholesome that you gave your mom tickets to the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i gave my mum tickets for pink like 2 years ago and she loved it so much and i was like 🥰🥰🥰 (i went with her) AND OMG GLEE ok so unfortunately i barely remember glee, but i used to watch it too!!!! And it‘s actually on my list of series i wanna watch (again) so youre making me want to watch it even more (but like i said i‘m bad with series so 😩😩😩 who knows when i‘ll rewatch it)

When all this pandemic shit is over (let‘s be hopeful <3333) then you need to go to as many concerts as possible!!!!! i‘ve been to SO MANY and it‘s literally one of the things in my life i‘m the most grateful for, concerts are some of the best experiences i‘ve ever had in my life especially the ones that are in smaller concert halls where you can feeeel the vibe and everyone‘s energy (and that sounds awful thinking about it mid-pandemic 😐) anyway—

Okay omg you‘re absolutely making me want to watch hamilton right now like omg i WANT TO WATCH IT NOW but it‘s 4 am sodndkdldl

what you said about my peter fics🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺like omg i love these emojis they literally just describe how i felt when reading what you said so, yes, 🥰🥺 + thank you :) it really means a lot <3

and no omg i totally get the studying thing. like last year before i graduated .. was that last year? yes wtf omg okaykdjdj, so the last three months before i had my final exams we were just in a lockdown and we didn‘t even have online classes. We had nothing except one teacher who left our group chat (😭) because she was mad at us (?) and one maths teacher who did an online ““lesson““ once a week. he‘d ask: so does anyone have questions. us: . Him: okay, bye then. So. Yeah dndldldj. But we had one online test and it was in german and like i read the book wee were supposed to read? but the questions on the test were all unanswerable (is that a word?) and i had to google everything (got an A tho 🤪 but only because i googled everything so i was so scared that i wouldn‘t be able to get a good result on the final exam because what if i‘d gotten used to just googling everything and i couldn‘t do it by myself anymore? anyway it was all fine in the end but yeah at times i couldn‘t even study because i had so much anxiety about studying and yeah- like this whole annoying cycle. but you said you‘re still studying———- okay wait ����👄👁 i forgot what i was going to say??????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like wtf. Is wrong with me? And i‘m reading what you wrote again and i just don‘t know what i was going to say? Like i get what you‘re saying obviously but i‘m like? Idk 4am brain ayeee, please vent more if you need to and elaborate further because right now i‘m???? Too dumb to respond to this right now wtf. I‘m so sorry lmao ddlkdjdjd what is even going on like i‘m sitting here open mouthed just like ? But btw the fact that you have Voice and dance lessons is like SO FUCKING COOL like oh my god that is sosososos cool wtf, i was thinking that when you first talked about it too

And “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” ODHDKSLDBDJDOFIDKDNDLDK

Yes i know about the weather dkdkdkjd but it‘s getting (a lot) warmer here too and where i live we kind of get a weird type of wind called föhn (which literally means hair dryer but idk if that‘d the reason why it‘s called that, i‘m too tired to think of whether it makes sense rn) and it gives me headachesssssss and the changing weather is also giving me headaches 😭😭😭😭 so this season right now is just headache season and i hate summer so i wish it would just snow again lmao (okay it‘s getting so late that it‘s early already snd i can hear this bird chirping so fucking loud wtf i‘m also getting a headache 🤧🤧🤧) but at least i can do my new theme soon (i hope it‘ll look good🥺 and omg thank you for what you said about my current theme- i always feel like i‘m so bad with aesthetics, i obviously like my theme but i feel like every single person on tumblr has a theme that is prettier than mine so it was very nice to hear you say that you love it👉🏼👈🏼 (i‘m so used to it by now that i actually hate it lmao so it‘s getting yeeted soon and i‘m making megan thee stallion my pfp 🤪 (if the graphics and shit works out skdjdjdj)

[marveling-chrisevans]

What If - Walk of shame

What If - Walk of Shame 

Chris Evans x OFC

Chapter six - 1932 words

Part One | Part Two | Part three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six 

Warnings: uh swearing maybe? 

Summary: What if. What if you out of the blue and on an impulse applied for a contest, and what if you won that. What if you met someone who didn’t know you existed, and what if you asked them for a drink after.  What if this impulse changed your entire life.  ** note I didn’t win so I don’t know how all this would go down but this would be how I would have loved it to happen.. the first chapter completely happened.. the texts might not be the same. But it happened**  

 Tag List: @smoothdogsgirl​ @torntaltos​ @patzammit​ – If you wanna be tagged just make a comment below and I am happy to do that or just DM me, whichever

This story is fully caught up and posted on AO3 and Wat pad. I am going to be combining chapters to catch Tumblr up. but if you would like to read everything right now then go ahead. Also please 

https://www.wattpad.com/story/184900452-what-if

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18506152/chapters/43856086

Faith woke up in a daze, she was laying on her side as she slowly opened her eyes to the sun streaming into the room. She saw the view of Hollywood from the hills, She was confused at where she was. The last thing that she remembers was that she was in a car on the way back to the hotel, then everything went kinda blurry. She looked around the room, and smelled food. She was extremely hung over and wanted some food.

She got up and wrapped the sheet around herself cause she didn’t have any clothes, and couldn’t find her dress, that she wore last night. She got up, walked toward the door that was closed and then walked out into the open lay out of the room. You could see the living room to the kitchen, seeing Chris was standing behind the island of the kitchen talking to what looked like his sister and his mother. She quickly backtracked into the room.

She didn’t escape unseen. Dodger jumped up and barked slightly as soon as she disappeared behind the door. She pushed it closed but didn’t get it all the way there as dodger pushed it all the way open. Faith Grabbed her phone and escaped onto the on suite bathroom and found her way into the tub..

Faith looked at her for the first time in most likely 12 hours, and saw that she had like 9 missed calls and texts from rose, and one from her brother. She slide into the tub as dodger jumped up to join her in there and started licking her face which made her laugh “hi puppy, can you stop?” She wondered as she called rose..

Rose answered the phone “Well fuck thank god your not dead, where the hell are you! Ive been worried sick!”

Faith laughed slightly “currently in a bathtub, with a dog, dodger actually in Chris’s Bathroom.. uh naked.. we had sex last night. Apprently, I mean I remember most of the night but then it gets fuzzy..”

Rose gasped on the other end of the phone “how was it, I want to know everything don’t leave out a single thing, oh my god.. I knew it.. MY SHIP IS ALIVE”

Faith pulled the phone from her head “hungover” she angry whispered in the phone “and I don’t remember much of it. Like I said fuzzy, but I can tell you it was the best sex I’ve ever had.. Oh god I hope he used a condom” she said back into the phone

“i did” Chris replied with a smile on his face. Faith looked up to where the voice came from “it was really good for me too”

“i gotta go rose I uh, gotta go uh ill be back in a little bit” Faith said and hung up the phone sliding further into the bathtub to hid which made dodger thing that it was okay to start kiss attacking her again.

“Dodger out” Chris said as dodger then stopped and put his head on the side of the tub looking at the owner “Glad to see you are awake.. I put your clothes on the bed, I washed them this morning. Also there is some coffee in there, I have to go do something with the avengers. I also put my number in your phone. Take as much time as you need, shower do whatever my family just left to go to the beach so you are the only one here” he replied to her

“and where is here so I can uh summon an taxi” She asked looking up at him trying not to make this all awkward more than it already was. Because its be honest it was really awkward for her “also just so you know I didn’t mean for this to happen.. I got way to drunk and I don’t do this, and oh my god did I say, ‘im feeling it now mr. Krabs?” She wondered looking at him

He nodded and laughed slightly “you did and Faith its alright, you are an amazing girl, and like I said last night id love to get to know you more.” He said “i gotta go but can I see you before you leave tomorrow?”

Faith answered her phone as it rang “yes this is Faith Young, Wait what? Are you serious yeah I can be there for an interview tomorrow morning” She smiled “yeah also that would be cool have always wanted to attend one, yeah two tickets. Thanks” she said back to the person and then looked at him and bite her lip as she pulled herself out of the tub making sure the towel was wrapped around herself “uh I guess not, I have an interview tomorrow, for my dream job non the less. So uh maybe? If its later today” you replied “but maybe not? I don’t know” She smiled “maybe we will just have to leave at it as what it is. A winners trip to Meet Chris Evans at the Premier of EndGame” Faith said back to him as he nodded

“I hope that isn’t the case, I have a feeling we will run into each other again” Chris replied as he walked over to her and kissed her one last time before he left the house

Faith closed her eyes when Chris kissed her and wished It would have lasted a little longer. The linger feeling of his pillow soft lips against hers. She stood there a while longer with her eyes closed wishing he never left. She heard the door close and dodger come back in and looked at her.

Faith got up from hiding in the tub, and went out and found her dress. Like he said it was laying on the bed. She wasn’t about wearing that home for the walk of shame. She went and showered in his shower, then raided his dresser and found a basic t shirt and just some smaller looking sized sweatpants.

She then called herself an Lyft. Headed back to the hotel she couldn’t believe that she just slept with her celebrity crush. The one guy who would have been on her exception list when she got married. She took a deep breath as she waited on the street for her ride. She had managed to get out of the house without running into his family. She thanked whoever was listening for that.

On the drive back to the hotel she made basic small talk talk with the driver. Once getting to the hotel she thanked the man and Gave him a cash tip as she had some from the night before, knowing that these drives prefer that over the tip in the app so they can use it right way.

Riding the elevator and going into the room felt so basic compared to her last 12 hours. She came in the room and flopped down on the bed next to Rose.

Rose sat up from where she was on her phone in her bed and looked at Faith “So are you going to spill the tea or are you just going to walk of shame?” She wondered looking at her friend “also are you in Chris’s clothes, because we could get serious money off of those

“Rose I swear if you keep yelling or talking loud or whatever I am going to punch you in the face. Also its not a walk of shame if you're not ashamed it happened?” She questioned back before she kept talking “Also we are not going home tonight, You know that job I told you applied for about a month ago for my jobs tv program, to be a project manager, well apparently I got accepted and They want me to go there for the keynote program tomorrow to show me off or something, give a presentation. I am not sure as I stopped listening when I heard I got the job.” she said back to her with putting her face into the bed sighing heavily ignoring the last comment about eBay comment.

“it can still be a walk of shame..” Rose countered back

Faith got up and walked over to her suitcase shaking her head, “remind me when we finally get home to look at my Lyft pick up history to send these back” She said to rose knowing she wouldn’t remember because she was going go from one project to another and just throw everything in the laundry

Rose smirked “ not gonna do that, but before we hop on another plane I do wanna go to this event at the Chinese theater I heard about, also the walk of fame is over there.” Rose replied knowing what she was asking and what was going on. Faith listened to her talk as she flung on some leggings and a flowing crop top that just showed a little of the top of her midriff. Running a brush through her hair. “okay fine let me take something for this headache and along s we stop at a coffee place I don’t care” Faith replied fixing her make up touching it up and throwing on a pair of sunglasses grabbing her bag “lets go”

The two walked out of the hotel stopping at the first coffee shop for Faith, then finished there walk to the walk of fame. Looking at the stars, stopping for the ones they loved posing and stopping at a few stars as they go. They were across the street from the Chinese theater as faith looked at it confused “what did you say was going on here?” Staring at the arch with the original six in it “Rose if this is an avengers event I don’t wanna be here, I embarrassed myself and then slept with one of the stars.. uh no”

The announcer started to announce the actors as they came out one by one and the producers. Faith of course started to try and hide behind the Camera people and taking a few steps back to be more blended into the crowd

Rose smirked “oh its not like he is going to see you standing in the crowd” she replied back as She went back to cheering as they came out. Faith kinda just tired to blend in and not bring attention to herself. Making sure her sunglasses were firmly in place. Faith hid the best she could till he looked out in the crowd. Even tho the both of them were wearing sunglasses, your eyes connected. You quickly turned your head to look at something else. She could feel his eyes linger at her.

Chris lingered his eye on her, it was the same girl he was with last night. He knew that hair and those lips anywhere. He felt it in his soul. Someone said his name which caught his attempting which made him loose her in the crowd. That could have been because she quickly went and hid behind the building.

Faith took a deep breath as it felt like her heart was in her throat she didn’t know what to do. She went and sat down on the bench that was near by and texted rose her location, and waited for her to come to her. After the ceremony, Rose Found faith and they did the rest of the things tourists do when they are in LA, before going back to the hotel getting their stuff and flying on the plane to the next location in California, this time for Faiths job.

[reeree1500]

The Return- Part 10

Disclaimer: YALL IM SO SO SO SORRY.😭😭 I have been horrible and not updated this story for at least a month.😬 I can explain though... University has been kicking my ass and between that and my co-op placement at a law firm.😅 Ive had absolutely no time to do anything😩 BTW IVE MISSED YALL SO MUCH❤️And Ive read all your messages and asks. And yes my mental health is now better and y'all are so understanding and supportive 💕 honestly could not have asked for a better group of individuals☺️❤️

Part 1 part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 11 

Anyways onto the storyyyyy.....

Warnings: ANGSTY AF (kinda figured out that im probably a smut and angst writer at this point🤷🏽‍♀️), sucky ass grammar and spelling like always, my cliche imagination and the fact that Im probably a horrible human being😬😩 Also made it extra long cuz I felt baddd 

PLEASE DONT KILL ME FOR THIS ONE😬

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @camatsuru @youbloodymadgenius @calum-hoodwinked-me @cutegyrl927 @wuxiesalt @readsalot73 @cindy-exo @affection-rabbit @amy8220 @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms @limbo-limbo-limbo @ragnarssonsbitch @supernaturalvikingwhore @ifihadwings128 @paintballkid711 @jenny-the-lover @funmadnessandbadassvikings @blonddnamedhandz @hallowed-heathen @pinkrockstar19 @ivarthethiccness

Sorry if I missed any of you💕 Lemme know if you want to be tagged. Also requests are open, and I’ve got a ton of them to do and finish. Hopefully Ill be able to post them soon enough

Arthur’s POV

“Arthur please! Open the door my love, I know what it may seem like to you, but I assure you that its not.” (Y/n) pleaded from the other side. I sat down on the mattress in our chamber contemplating whether or not it was true. Should I believe what my wife so desperately is trying to reassure me off. Or should I stick with my gut feeling and tell her how I have felt for the last 4 years. Her constant pounding on the door finally gets to me and I make my way to open it. “I wish to be left alone at the moment (y/n).” Her arms circle around my waist and I can feel her face wetting by back with tears. “Arthur please, talk to me. Why have you run off. You know that I love you. I do not want him, all he does is bring me pain and you take that away. So please, talk to me!” (y/n) murmurs into my back. As much as it pains me to do so I pry her hands off of me and sit us down on the bed. All I do is long for her touch, but this is not okay. I cannot keep feeling this way and go on pretending that I could have ever stood a chance against him. “(y/n), look at me. I love you and I always will. But its evident that you love him. and I honestly can say that I know I will never stand a chance against him, because the thought of you possibly running back to him has always been on my mind since the day we got married.” 

Her eyes showed so much pain that confessing this felt as if I was driving a knife through her heart. “Arthur, I love you. What can I do to show you that. Yes I confess that I was in love with him, but that was long ago and I have left it in the past in order to build a future with you. Whom I love and who I share and will continue to share beautiful children with. So please don't shut me out, Arthur.” She says leaning our foreheads together and holding my face in her gentle hands. “Ok, however I want to be able to process things by myself. So I have decided to have the guest room across the hall prepared only until I figure things out.” With out giving her a chance to fight back, I place my lips on hers and savour the kiss as if it were our last. Meeting her eyes was something I wanted to avoid as I knew that just looking at her broken expression would make me change my mind. I hastily make my way out of the room, but sneak a quick glance over my shoulder to find my wife staring off into the direction where I once sat. With tears streaming down her eyes...

Your POV

What had I done? Why was I such fool to not see what my husband was clearly going through? Millions of questions rushed into my mind about how to go about this situation. I loved Arthur, I was clear on that. But he spoke the truth, there was something in me that could not let Ivar go and it took hurting my husband and Ivar to figure that out. As I sulked I forgot about the doctor whom I had asked to see me earlier. I was having really bad stomach pains and my breasts were more tender then they had ever been. So I wanted to make sure that I was not sick, as that would have been the last thing I needed on my plate at the moment. “My Queen, are you alright? Do you wish to push back this appointment, I dont mind coming by later when you're better.” The doctor spoke from behind me. “Yes, it seems so. Ill let the servant girl know if I need you doctor. Im sorry for the inconvenience.” “Nonsense your majesty, it is my pleasure to serve you.” With a bow the doctor retreats from the room and Im left to my own thoughts once again...

----------------------------------

“(y/n), wake up... its seems that you fell asleep on the floor. Come on I’ll help you up.” Upon hearing Hvitty’s comforting voice my eyes flutter open and I cant help the tears that song come down my face like a cascade. “(y/n)! are you alright are you hurt anywhere? Why are you crying?” Hvitserk’s eyes scan my face and my body looking for the source of my pain, which is held in my heart, but he’ll never know that. “Arthur... He...” I try to find the words to say. “What! What did he do! Did he hurt you? I swear ill kill him!” With that Hvitserk tries to let me go and run out the door, but somehow I manage to stop him. “Hvitserk, No! He didn't hurt me. I hurt him... He believes that Im in love with Ivar, and I fear that their maybe some truth to it...” I say just above a whisper, with my head held low. “(Y/N), Ive known that since before you were married. It was obvious, but I would never say anything to you because I found that it was best if I kept such observations to myself, before I found out about your father.” Lifting my head and staring directly at him, I move my head to the side with a puzzling look. “What do you mean about my father, Hvitserk?” Hvitserk now mirrors the same lost look that I have on my face. “I thought thats why you and Ivar had gotten together, because Ragnar’s not your father...”

----------------------------------------------

Ivar’s POV

“Aghhhh!”Is the sound that comes out of my gritted teeth when the medicinal herbs are placed on my face. “That hurts like a bitch, get out! Ill do this myself if I have to. GO!” I yell at the servant girl who tried to cleanse and tend to the cuts on my face. “Ivar,  please let the servants tend to you. I still cannot believe that Arthur punched you in the face. Hehehe, you deserved it though, how could you question the paternity of his children and not expect him to want to kill you?” Bjorn laughs as he chugs the rest of his drink down. “Well, if you actually cared about your children and the heir to your throne, you’d also be quite upset to find a Christian King claiming to be their father. Those children are mine! And its pretty evident, just look at Marjorie. She's my spitting image.” I snarl at him as the anger begins to rise in me again. “Ivar, thats your mistake and why you’ll never get (y/n) back. You believe that everything should be yours. And that people are things you can govern over, but they're not. Because those are children. And yes they may be yours, but you cannot take away what they have known because you want to be selfish.” He says with a stern look on his face, whilst getting up from his chair and making his way to the door. “Now get ready and fix yourself we have a intimate dinner to attend to with MY sister and the love of your life.” Unbeknownst to us, there was Freydis on the balcony listening to our whole conversation. And little did I know that it would come to be the thing I regretted the most.

At the dinner I notice (y/n) sit on the opposite side of the table from Arthur. This wouldn't have affected me if it wasn't for the look on both of their faces. They seemed distraught and broken. Arthur masked it well, but (y/n) was an open book for all of us to know exactly how she felt at that moment. Not much talking happened, besides Marjorie and Erik shouting at each other on who was better at riding. They reminded me a lot of myself and all I wanted was to tell them the truth, that they were my children and that they would go back to Kattegat with me to learn about the true gods and not the fable that had been told to them about their so called ‘God’.” “(Y/n) are you alright, you do not seem quite like yourself tonight.” Bjorn states with a concerned look that we all share. Even Arthur looks a bit concerned, but his body language makes it seem as if he is alright and nothing is wrong. “Sarah, could you please put Marjorie and Erik to bed? Its getting late for them and they have their lessons early in the morning.” She says with a stern and cold look in her (e/c) eyes. “Su...sure your majesty. “ At that Bjorn stands up as if to accompany Sarah, but is quickly stopped by (y/n)’s icy glare and venomous words. “Sit your ass down.” At that we all look astonished, but Hvitserk only stares at her with sadness and what seems to be sympathy. He must know why she is like this then. 

Bjorn slowly sits back down on the table. A shocked look graces his face, as he cannot comprehend why she is acting this way towards her beloved older brother. “How long.” Is all she grits out through her teeth. “What do you mean, (y/n)?” My eyes meet Hvitserk’s own and the realization dawns upon me. She knows...

--------------------------

Your POV

“Stop with the bullshit! I cannot take anyone else lying to me!” I scream as I bang my hands against the table, stunning everyone in sight. “How long did you know that Ragnar was not my father! How long have you kept the truth from me! How long have you known that Athelstan was my father!” I could careless about everyone staring at me as if I was a mad woman. I had been lied to my whole life. All I had known had been a lie, and the people who I trusted the most in this world had been the ones keeping it a secret from me. “(Y/N)... I..I’ve know since the moment you were born. But father had sworn me into secrecy and I could not break a promise. This doesn't change anything though. You are still my sister and you will always be.” Bjorn says in a haste as tries to come closer to me, but I step back and move as far back as I can. “Did you know? Tell me! Ivar did you know that we were not siblings!” Ivar didn't even have to answer. I knew from the look in his eyes that he too had been lying to me. 

“I knew.” Arthur says staring right at me. “I knew that you weren't his daughter and I knew that Ivar wasn't your brother. But I kept that information from you because all I wanted to do was have you by my side. I’m sorry, for the pain I have caused you (y/n). Im sorry for being selfish and not telling you the truth, but I now see that I was wrong and as of tomorrow you are free to go back to your country. I promise that your title and lands will not be taken from you or from the children. May they be mine or his. But I cannot go on with this facade anymore.” Arthur says in the most calm demeanour as he stands up and comes to me. “You hypocrite! How dare you make me feel like shit for harbouring feelings for Ivar when you knew all along and knew that my whole life was a lie.” I scream as I run at him and slap him across the face. But before I can get another punch in I feel a strong grip holding me from behind. From the shocks and the utter feeling in my stomach I knew it could have only been Ivar. As I try desperately to release from his vice grip, my whole world comes crashing down when Sarah enters the room. With blood all over her.

“Your highnesses...Erik.... he.. he..” She tries to say through her shock. “What! What is wrong with my son!” Ivar, Arthur and I scream at the same time. “He.. he’s dying!”

------------------------------------------------

We all simultaneously run after Sarah towards the doctors quarters. Ivar with his brace on, manages to run faster than all of us and busts the doors wide open. if I wasn't so worried about my son or upset about the fact they all knew Ragnar wasn't my father, I would've been impressed. “What are you doing! Get away from my son!” At that Ivar rushes towards the doctor who is bleeding Erik out. Grabbing him by the collar he slams the doctor on the wall and his sclera go into bluish hue, showing that he is in danger of breaking a bone. “Ivar stop it! Let the man go, he is just trying to help.” “Help my ass! I will not let you harm my son, do you understand me! I will not let you harm him!” At that Ivar lets the doctor go, but not without staring him down. And the doctor looking like he is about to shit himself. Rushing to Erik’s side I notice something strange. The colour of his skin is now fading and his eyes have bags under them. But what hits me the most is the memory of Uncle Rollo teaching me about poison. “He doesn't need to be bled, he needs medicine. He’s been poisoned...” 

“Mama! What is wrong with Erik! He will be okay right? He has to be okay!” Marjorie begins to say as she shakes with fear. Before Arthur or I could say something to console her, Ivar bends down and takes her hands in his. “Marjorie, listen to me. Your brother is a fighter and so are you. After all were related aren't we?” Ivar says as he lifts her chin. “Yes..I suppose that we are. Is it true what they say though? Are you our father?” At that Ivar turns to me looking towards me for permission. At this point I think to myself how hard it was to learn my whole life had been a lie and that I would not want that for my children, so I nod. “Yes, Marjorie I am your father. And no your mother is not my sister. It was something that we had to say because she needed to be kept safe.” He says ever so calmly. “Safe from who?”She questions “From my mother. Your grandmother.”

Cough*Cough* Spurts of blood cover me in seconds. My attention becomes focused in on my son again. “Where is the damn antidote! Please someone hurry!” At that Hvitserk runs into the room with a small green vial. “Here take this it should help him. Lagertha gave it to me before her and father left. Something about it would come in handy some day. Here.” Shoving the vial in my hands I open it quickly and lift Erik’s head. “Drink this Erik. It should help you, my darling. Please be strong, I know you're scared, but you’ll be alright ok. Everything will be ok.” I say through tears. Today had been the worst day by far. “Mira... please help my son. I know you're always with me, but please help me now. Pray for my son and ask God to save him.”

----------------------------------------

A few hours had gone by and nobody had moved from the room. Arthur sat on the chair next to the bed with his elbows on his knees, looking straight and focused in on Erik. Bjorn and Hvitserk sat by the fireplace and were wetting some towels so that we could place them atop Eriks head. I sat on the bed next to my son and caressed his beautiful face hoping for a miracle. I had dismissed Sarah and told her to take Marjorie with her, but she would not budge. Sarah left, but Marjorie stayed and sat in Ivars lap asking him if Erik would pull through. Ivar was sweet to answer as best as he could, and I could tell that he truly cared for his children even if his demeanour wasn't the greatest. I knew that deep in my heart I would have to let him get to know them, but it still hurt especially knowing that he now was married. “Wait, where is Freydis? I haven't seen her since yesterday.” I say looking towards Ivar. “I dont know earthier to be honest, she's probably looking at some damn flowers anyway. Its best if she's far away anyway.” “Why would you say that about your wi-” “she's not my wife, at least not yet. Were not actually married, (y/n). I just said that to piss you off.” Taking a deep breath I go to stand up from the bed in order to fetch a bucket of water and some new cloths. Instead I end up on the floor cradling my belly, with a burning sensation in my chest and blood pouring out from my mouth. “(Y/n)! Mama!” I can hear the shouts around me. “Fetch the doctor! Now hurry!” The voices around me begin to fade and not before long I can feel myself drifting away.

“My baby... Save my baby...” And with that everything turns pitch black...

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

control [jeremy h. x squipped!reader] pt.5

why is it almost 9 and im tired already smh

anyway, i almost titled this part 5 because i dont know what numbers are

update im a dumbass bc this was, indeed, part 5

warnings: uhhh sick moments. hospitals. guilt. squip aftermath. mentions of nightmares. 

       You woke up days later in the hospital.

       The first thing that happened was a blur of motions: you trying to rip out your IV as you panicked, and a nurse who just opened the door grabbed you by the wrist to stop you before you did any true damage. Then came a thousand questions from a thousand people, all trying to pinpoint the when and why and how and what happened that you could barely remember at that moment. When your breathing picked up and panic set in, the room was cleared save for a single person taking vitals. When he left, you were alone. The room felt cold. The room was silent-

       Wait.

       The room was silent.

       Oh, god, the room was silent.

       It was gone. Your thoughts were your own again, yet it still felt as if a piece of you had been snapped off. Broken off. Crumbled away over time, yet - yet... how long had you been out? Hours? A day? You couldn’t completely recall. You remembered someone asking you the date, the time, the anything, but... it slipped your mind far too quickly as a thousand other questions followed suit. You squinted at the whiteboard on the wall across from you, stamped into the corner, and red dry-erase marker spelling out the date.

       Barely two days. That was good. You were... you were fine. You were okay. This was okay. Two days was okay. Two days was much less than what Rich dealt with-

       Oh. Fuck, Rich - had he woken up? He must still be in the hospital - was - were you in the same one? Fuck, you felt foggier than ever. Like the pieces wouldn’t connect, yet lined up perfectly. Every little bit of pressure merely popped the piece apart again, and it left nothing but frustration to fill the space between. You’d have to see him as soon as you could.

       The first person who came to see you (not quite counting your parents) was Christine Canigula with a pretty bouquet of sunflowers in her arms. Her purse bounced against her hip with every step around the room (mainly due to her trying to find a nice place to set the flowers down), and she finally gently sat at the end of your bed and talked to you happily about everything that had gone on within the past few days. She opened her bag, fishing out a small little bag of assorted goodies that she placed in your hands.

       “I thought you could use something nice,” she smiled, “I hope you get out of here soon.” When you couldn’t muster up anything past a weak smile, she continued, “Rich actually asked about you, when I saw him earlier.” 

       You looked up. “He did?” You asked, voice quiet and broken.

       “Yeah!” She chirped, “he woke up the other day, actually,” she drummed her fingers against her leg, “

       The second was Michael. Michael, who had a ball of emotions choking him as he searched for the right thing to say to you. Worried and angry and upset and... relieved. All of it evaporated as you told him everything. Every detail, every action explained - and he realized what lied beyond the glimpse you’d given him while you looked as if you were trying to escape his house. He sat on the edge of your bed in stunned silence, just staring at the floor as you felt guilt creep into your stomach. 

       “Michael?” You finally said, voice quiet. “I’m... I’m sorry.” You paused, “for everything. You - you don’t have to forgive me, but...”

       “You used me.” He said. You could hear the underlying anger dripping from those three words alone. 

       “I know.” You swallowed your emotions. “I’m... I know it was awful and I should have fought more to not do that, but...” 

       He finally looked back at you. “So,uh... how much of that was real, then?” 

       You opened your mouth to answer, only to stop for a moment, looking away. “I... I don’t really know,” you said, voice cracking and giving you away entirely. “Shit.” 

       “I mean-” He said, “you were - it was weird, [y/n]. One minute you’d be one way, and then... you were, y’know, you. It was like things never changed.” 

       That hit you hard. “Michael?” You choked out his name, before continuing, “please don’t tell Jeremy.”

       “What?” He stared at you, “[y/n], he deserves to know-”

       “No! I mean - he does,” you clarified, “I just - I need to tell him this myself.” 

       He bit his tongue for a moment. “I, uh, I think I’m gonna have to tell him some things before he loses his shit, [y/n]. He was fuckin’ freaked when the ambulance drove off.” 

       After a moment of stunned quiet, you mustered up a quick nod. “Right. Just - don’t tell him everything, alright?”

       The conversation had died there. After a few more minutes of silence, Michael stood and made his way to leave - rattling off the usual “get well soon” message that you expected.

       “Michael?” You called out, and he stopped. “Thank you for coming to see me. I... I appreciate it.” 

       His smile had faded, and he nodded a little. “Yeah...” He looked back at you, and he looked so soft and genuine that time. “Later, [y/n].”

       The next day, Jeremy was shoved into your room without much of a chance to gather his bearings. True to his word, Michael had explained a few things while leaving Jeremy pretty in the dark on what had happened. The hardest thing was looking at Jeremy and telling him the rest of your story. That you had wasted six hundred dollars on a stupid, shitty pill that you thought would help you. A pill that you thought would help you essentially get Jeremy to reciprocate the feelings that you bit back and hid underneath everything. You lied through your teeth that you had just wanted him and Michael back. You couldn’t just... admit that you had a crush on him, could you?

       He reached out and laid a hand on your own. “Michael told me.” 

       Shit. Fuck. Nope. You nearly hit the button for a nurse in that moment to try and see if you could get him out. What the fuck, Michael? “He told you...?”

       “Look,” he said, “I’m flattered, [y/n], I just... I like someone else. I mean, you’re - you’re cool and all, but-” 

       “I get it, Jeremy.” You said. “I... I understand.” You paused for a moment, “but... I did miss you and Michael, y’know.”

       “Why’d we stop hanging out?” Jeremy asked.

       Something inside of you hurt at that question. “I don’t know.” And that was true, to say the least. You had your suspicions, sure, but at the end of the day, the why rested without an answer. 

       He stared at you. “Wait...” He trailed off, before looking away. “Oh.” His voice dropped to a whisper, “shit.” He looked back at you, “hey, uh, I’m - I’m sorry for dropping you like that- I just-” 

       “I get it.” Which was sort-of the truth, at least. “You don’t have to apologize, Jeremy.”

       “... Okay,” he said after a moment, “I’ll, uh, I’ll see you in school,” he stood, “feel better soon-” 

       And then he was gone.

       Three months later, and you were still haunted by a voice in your head every so often. You started therapy shortly after you were released from the hospital, the mystery of what happened to you remaining as such. You started medication soon after, your depression having grown worse post-SQUIP (and your father had been glad for you getting help, since he’d admitted it hurt him to watch you suffer for so long while being unsure of what to actually do to help you). You attended group therapy outside of Metuchen.

       You had Rich. Rich, who picked you up on Thursday nights to drive you to group and back again. Rich, who knew how you felt and hid his guilt for pulling you into this shitty world of trauma and pain that’d haunt you for who knows how long. Rich, who slung his arm around your waist casually when the two of you were hanging out and was touchy with you in a way that made you feel safe and secure. You had Rich at your side, the friend that you honestly had never expected to have but were glad for at the end of the day. While you wished he didn’t feel the pain that you did, it was almost... nice to know that someone else understood.

       At two in the morning, one mid-February day, he called you.

       “Another nightmare?”

       “Yeah... you?”

       “Yeah.” A pause. “You wanna talk about it?”

       “Yep,” he dragged the word out. “Uh - do you...?”

       “You go first, Rich.”

      His phone must have been on speaker, because you heard the sound of him shifting in bed - blanket swooshing as he probably turned over onto his side. “Same old shit.” He began, “I, uh, was in Jake’s house, and... it was on fire. My, uh... It was there.” He paused for a moment, “y’know. Saying the same shit.” You didn’t have to see Rich to know he was touching his neck, fingers running along the scars there. “What about you?”

      Your phone was lying beside your head. Shutting your eyes, you took a breath before exhaling slowly. “It was, uh, actually... good for once. I mean - it started good. I was... I was with Jeremy. I... think we were dating? I don’t know - we were holding hands and I had let go and walked ahead only to notice he was standing still, and - it... it’s weird, Rich, but - I swear there was some kind of stupid circuit pattern that, like, trailed down his neck - and... and his smile, Rich-” You paused, taking a shaky breath, “and then I heard it.” Another long pause. “Then I woke up.”

      You heard Rich suck in a breath. For the longest time, there was silence on the other end. Despite not hearing any chimes to indicate it, you thought that maybe he had hung up. But then he spoke, voice quiet and broken, “why did you say yes?”

      “What?”

      “To - to buying it, [y/n].”

      You stared up at your ceiling. Soon enough, you kicked off your blankets as you grew too hot for comfort, shifting against to try and find some sort of comfortable position. “You sold it pretty well, I guess.” You started, before biting your lip for a moment, “I thought it could help me.”

      “... With?”

      You changed the topic. “Why’d you take it?”

      No response.

      “Rich?”

      “Gretch is gonna fucking suck tomorrow.” 

      “... Yeah.”

      “You wanna skip?”

      No, you wanted to say. But you shrugged. “Yeah. Where are we doing?”

      “Fuck, I don’t know - Wawa?”

      “Sure.”

      Rich’s truck was like a second home to you, between the times the two of you skipped classes and every drive to and from therapy. The two of you skipped class too often - sometimes morning classes, sometimes afternoon, it always depended on how the two of you were doing. Sometimes you’d sit in the Wawa parking lot, eating breakfast or lunch, enjoying the rebellious freedom that came with skipping class. The guilt would stay in the backseat, a constant reminder of your fuck-ups, but... you were glad to have a moment to breathe.

      Rich’s hand found yours that morning. He squeezed it. For a minute, there were just two broken teens sitting together, holding hands, trying to feel less broken together. 

         Over a week later, you texted Rich after hearing it - or, at least, you thought you did. He told you to call Michael - closer to you, and carrier of the Mountain Dew Red at you and Rich’s mutual request. Your finger lingered over Michael’s contact information when a thought struck you, hard and heavy. Why call him? Why not let it come back and fix what it had done? You felt broken enough - how much more damage could it do to you? Besides... now you knew how to take care of it. Maybe that knowledge would be enough to help you gain some sort of control over it.

        An hour later, Rich texted you saying Michael hadn’t heard from you. Another hour passed. He told you he was coming over. You couldn’t respond, staring at your phone blankly as tears began to well up. Thirty minutes later, rocks hit your window. Five minutes later, Rich was sitting on the end of your bed as you curled back up, the bottle sitting on the bed between the two of you. He looked tired, running a hand nervously through his hair as he didn’t meet your eyes.

        “I know.” He said, breaking the silence. “Just - don’t fucking do it, okay?”

        You broke your gaze away from the bottle. “What?”

        “I... I’ve thought about it too,” he said, quieter this time. “But... I think...” He paused, “it’s just a bad idea, alright?”

        “It can’t-”

        “It can.” He stressed, before grabbing the bottle with one hand and your hand in the other. He pressed the bottle into your hand, curling your fingers around it in a cliche action. “Just - fucking drink it, [y/n]. I’m tired.”

        “You can stay here tonight.”

        “Nah,” he stood. “I... need to get home soon. Just... drink it, alright?”

        He didn’t leave you until you finally obliged.

        The chill in the air that came with early March was no match for the chill you felt whenever you were around Michael. But Michael had the soda, and Rich lived farther away from you, so he became your lifeline whenever you felt the prickly feeling that came with every nightmare of it and he, thankfully without much complaint, would show up on your front lawn. You sat next to him in silence, an half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew Red sitting in your lap as Michael quietly looked up at the stars. The feeling in your stomach almost seemed to weigh you down, keeping you in place until Michael decided he’d had enough, until he gave up on sitting with you.

        But he didn’t. He just sat there in silence, wearing his signature red hoodie in an attempt to keep himself warm. His breath colored the air with a puff of white as he exhaled. It was too cold for this shit, and yet... he sat with you. 

        “What was it like?” He began at one point, slowly looking over to you. “Y’know... the...” He paused, before tapping his temple, as if you hadn’t understood before. But you understood the why there. 

        “Like I was a puppet,” you said, echoing back something you’d said before in therapy. Almost completely subconsciously, you tugged at your sleeve. “I... I could disobey, but... it would get mad, and - and I didn’t like that, so I just... I did what it told me to. Sometimes, it would...” The ghost of a shock silenced you, and your breath hitched for a second as you try to regain some control over yourself.

        When Michael’s hand landed on your forearm, you flinched immediately. But before he could fully tear his hand away from you (having only just pulled it away slightly), you immediately shifted closer to him. Almost as if he understood, he opened himself to you, and - after hesitating for too many moments - you nearly collapsed into his arms, wrapping your own around his torso and burying your face in his neck. At first you had just wanted the comfort. The warmth of another person. But your breath went shaky, and before Michael could say or do anything else, he heard you choke back a sob before you clutched at the fabric of his hoodie. Every soft, broken apology sent pain rippling through him. He’d been so pissed with you before, and now...

       Now it was as if Michael was a child again, having seen the aftermath of hurricanes through Florida on the news. Or like the car accident he once witnessed, only staring before one of his moms tore him away from the sight, picking him up with ease and keeping his face turned away. He understood, all within that moment. He knew you were hurting, and in turn, he felt that pain too. He had hurt. He was in so much damn pain when he found out you’d originally just been using him, and now... he understood that maybe (or, perhaps, definitely, but a definite wasn’t quite there yet in his book) nothing had been your idea. Part of him wanted to look away from you, to give you some kind of privacy, and yet... you clung to him. You kept your face buried in his neck, hot tears wetting his skin, and you shook in his arms as you kept stammering out apology after apology for things that did and didn’t involve him. 

       That was when Michael decided that forgiveness was back on the table. Neither of you were ready to have that talk, but... the fact of the matter was that he let that option exist again. Every glimpse of you that had come flooding back to him when he visited you in the hospital seemed to haunt his memory once more. The real you. The you he hadn’t seen in so long. And, if he were honest, the you that he genuinely had begun to miss when your presence disappeared all that time ago.

       He was ready to try again, if you were there to meet him halfway.

       The following Wednesday came with a disgusting feeling of dread the moment that thunder clapped during your last class. You’d left your umbrella at home - clear skies, your weather app had lied - and chances were you were going to miss your bus when meeting with the guidance counselor quickly after school (because, of course, shit never worked out in your favor). So you clenched your jaw and pulled your bag close to you, taking off as the rain pounded against the pavement. You almost slipped, you could barely see through the rain, and you were already soaked to the bone by the time you were a fourth of the way home. When you heard a car coming down the street, you thought nothing of it until it slowed down, pulling over towards the side of the road and steadily crawling alongside you.

       Well, fuck, if you were about to die, at least you wouldn’t deal with-

       The car honked. When you turned, you immediately recognized the P.T. Cruiser and the two boys inside of it. Immediately, the passenger side window rolled down. “Get in, loser, we’re going shopping-” 

       “Michael-” You started to say, only to stop as you weigh your options. Get in the car and face Michael and Jeremy - or keep waking home in the rain. You barely even considered the latter as you pulled open the back door, throwing your bag in and immediately slipping into the warm car.

       The backseat was comfortable. It had always been comfortable, actually - that much was certain. Even when you were shivering endlessly, sopping-wet backpack lying in the floorboard between your legs as you rub your arms in some attempt to get warm, you felt strangely at home sitting in the back of Michael’s car. The sticker was still on the head-rest of the driver’s side. Jeremy kept looking back at you every so often as Michael made his way towards your house. The moment he turned onto your street, you went for your keys.

       And, of fucking course, you must have forgotten them that morning. So you ended up in Michael’s house, sitting on his bed in some of his spare clothes while your clothes are being oh-so-lovingly laundered by the ever-so-gracious Michael Mell. You toyed with the fabric of tee-shirt you were wearing, some indie band logo printed across the chest - something that felt so Michael, when you thought about it. Of course he’d have some obscure merch. You sat there with one of your class binders in your lap, working on homework when you finally get to geometry. As if to make the day even worse, you realized you were missing your calculator.

       “Shit,” you said, “fuck-” You looked up to Michael and Jeremy, “can I, uh, borrow a calculator? I think I left mine at school-”

       Jeremy stared at you for a split second before immediately going for his own bag. He stammered through a sentence, before he finally pulled out a familiar purple case and held it out to you. “I, uh, was going to give it to you tomorrow - I meant to give it back earlier but I, uh, forgot-”

       You took it gingerly from him, before kind-of smiling in return. “It’s fine,” you said, “thank you-” and then you cut yourself off with a sneeze, your arm flying to cover your mouth. 

       Michael chuckled a little as he laid back, stretching himself along the foot of his bed. “If you needed a ride, you should have just asked, ya goof,” he smiled at you.

       You nudged him with your foot. “Come on, Mell,” you said, “I thought I’d be fine.”

       “You’re lucky Jeremy saw you, y’know,” he said, “I didn’t notice you crossing the street earlier, so...”

       Jeremy flushed at the comment. Your gaze flickered from him back to Michael, “I thought you were driving, Michael.”

       “I was!” 

       “Aren’t you supposed to pay attention?”

       “I was!” He said again, sitting up, “you weren’t even crossing in front of me!” 

       “Thank god for that,” you said.

       “Wh- I wouldn’t hit you!”

       “That’s what they all say, Michael.” You smiled a little, “no, dude, I totally wouldn’t kill my wife, who would do that? Not me. I wouldn’t kill my wife-”

       “[y/n]!” Michael poked you in the leg, “come on - I don’t think I’d be that obvious-”

       “Are you seriously trying to say you’d be able to get away with that?” You said, only to notice how silent Jeremy had gone. When you looked back to him, you noticed that he had just sat there, watching you and Michael playfully bicker over his totally not real plans to murder someone. When your eyes meet his, he blinked, awkwardly smiling as he looked away and towards his phone. You barely get a glimpse of the time before you realized that your parents should be home.

       So Michael drove you (and Jeremy) home at long last, leaving you to thank him a thousand times on the way there and as you got out of the car. You barely had time to wave back at him before you crossed your front lawn to get to shelter, rain pelting you the entire time as you head inside with plans to tackle your homework.

       The next morning, you felt like shit. At three in the morning, you woke up with the grossest feeling taking hold of you and forcing you out of bed and to the bathroom. With a disgusting taste left in your mouth, you sank back, your senses completely muffled as you realized what had happened. Fever. Fuck. You pressed your back against the rim of the bathtub, and you breathed. Shit. Shit shit shit shit- you didn’t need to get sick. You skipped enough class as it was - this was only going to make shit worse.

       You didn’t realize you passed out shortly after until your dad stumbled across you. He woke you up gently, before helping you to your feet and helping your sluggish form back to your bedroom after pressing a cold hand against your forehead. Shaking his head, he walked you to your bed, leaving the room and returning with a cup of water to leave on your nightstand. He told you that he would be at work, but that your mom would drop by during her lunch break to check on you and hopefully bring some medicine. You barely processed it before you fell back asleep.

      The next time you woke up was around lunchtime. You still felt hazy and hot with fever, but the sound of your phone going off was enough to capture your attention. Michael. He had asked where you were, and you barely have enough energy to type out what you thought was just a simple “fever” - thankfully, auto-correct caught you - before you turned back over with the intent of going back to sleep. Barely ten minutes pass before your mom came in with a plastic bag in her hands, rattling off the contents of it before she felt your forehead. She told you to get some more rest. You happily obliged. 

      The next day, after a night of bland soup and forcing down your meds with ice cold water, you see a newly formed group chat with you, Michael, and Jeremy, poised proudly at the top of your messages. 

Michael: u guys need anything or

      You stared at the message. You guys? You barely have time to try and question it further when a text bubble popped up.

Jeremy: i’m good

You: what

You: you ok, jer?

Jeremy: no im sick

You: what

You: how???

Jeremy: you

Michael: jeremys being a little bitch

Michael: hes always like this when he’s sick

Michael: you need anything, [y/n]??

You: idk some good soup would be rad

You: my dad brought some gross shit last night and it sucked

You: parents got medicine. 

You: send me love.

You: and tissues

Jeremy: please let me sleep

You: sorry jer

Michael: kk

      Later that afternoon, the doorbell rang. You forced yourself out of bed, managing to get the front door open only to see a little plastic bag sitting right outside of it. You looked up to see Michael standing outside of his car, and you could only assume that he rushed back to his car to avoid exposure. He waved at you, only budging from his spot when you wave back at him. 

      Bless Michael Mell and the soup he brought you. You’d have to thank his mom. Or maybe both of them - they were both goddesses in your eyes. You only knew that Michael couldn’t cook for shit. 

      At midnight, you woke up again, a dull hunger restless in your stomach. You had left some soup for later, and you were fully ready to heat the rest of it up and devour it. You shoved the Tupperware bowl into the microwave, punching in a number before you swayed into the counter, leaning against it to keep yourself standing as the microwave buzzed. Strangely enough... it almost felt internal after a minute.

      Then you heard it. Your own name being cooed in a voice that sent shivers and a ghost of a shock through you. Glitching in and out. You panicked. You bolted, dashing to your room to find your phone. Your hands were shaking as you went to unlock it, fucking it up the first two times before finally getting it the last. You didn’t think. You went for the first number you saw. 

       The moment someone picked up,  you spoke. “Michael,” you said, voice caught in your throat, “shit - dude- it’s - it’s back-” You took a breath, trying to calm yourself before continuing, “just - I need the Mountain Dew Red. Please-”

      You heard a distant, groggy “...what?” on the other hand as a hand fell over your own, causing you to slowly lower the phone as it appeared before you.

      It stood tall as ever, eyes gentle, manipulating your senses as you swore you felt warmth from it’s hand over your’s. “We can fix this.” It said, voice quiet. Soft. Gentle. “We can start over and make everything right.” 

      “I...” You whimpered, attempting to take a step back. Instinctively, you dropped your phone and shut your eyes and covered your ears in an attempt to drown everything out. “No.” The word spilled past your lips once, twice, too many times as tears rolled down your cheeks.

      Fingers grazed your cheek almost lovingly. “Just let me fix this, [y/n].” It said softly, almost kind, and you felt your stomach drop. “You can reboot me - just - another dose of regular Mountain Dew-”

      “No,” you shook your head, “I’m - you’d-”       

      “I’ll fix this. I promise-”

      The sound of frantic knocking at your front door was enough to force you to your feet as you rushed to answer before anyone else could wake up. “Michael-”

      Jeremy stood there, soaking wet and panting like crazy as he clutched a bottle of salvation within his right hand. He straightened up a bit, holding it out to you. “Sorry - Michael, uh, gave me a few bottles as back-up so I ran-” He said. 

      He shut up the moment you flung your arms around him, burying your face in his chest, completely ignoring the soda he carried in favor of comfort. Just for a second. That’s all you had needed. He stiffened up underneath you as you clung to him, only for you to pull away almost immediately after.

      After you took the bottle and unscrewed the cap, downing the drink with nothing with a minor headache following in it’s wake, Jeremy could only stare at you. “You... You really heard it, huh?”

      You winced, breath hitching as you swayed slightly. Jeremy’s hands found your shoulders, steadying you as you looked back up at him. “I-” You started, only to stop immediately, “thank you- I’m- I’m sorry you had to run here.” You paused, “I... didn’t know it was raining, or I wouldn’t have-”

      “It’s fine,” he said, letting go of you as he took a small step back. “I’m - I’m gonna head back home-”

      Thunder clapped. Lightning flashed in the distance. You reached out and caught him by the wrist, “stay here.” You said, “it’s - it’s late, and... and I don’t want you walking home in the rain.”

      He almost debated with you, but another growl of thunder was enough to debunk whatever argument he was formulating as he followed you inside. You locked your front door back, retreated back to your room to find some clean clothes that would hopefully fit him (thank fuck for all your baggy shit, still hidden away in your closet), and handed him a towel. The microwave chirped for what you could assume was the thousandth time, and you rushed to stop it - only to have to punch in more time. You could hear the shower running from the room over. The hum of the microwave, the smell of spices tinting the air... and you felt alive. You were there. Breathing. Heart pumping. Mind... going, at least - even if there were moments of betrayal there. You were still there, and it was strange to think about that sometimes.

      The water shut off abruptly, and you pulled yourself from your thoughts as you stopped the microwave just a second before it was meant to go off. As you seated yourself at the kitchen table, Jeremy emerged and made his way over to you. He pulled out the chair nearest to you, and slowly sank into it.

      “You feeling better?” You asked, looking up at him.       

      “I, uh, I should be asking you that.” 

      “You were sick too, Jeremy,” you said, “why’d you run here?”

      “You sounded scared,” he shrugged, “besides - I’m better-” Immediately he was cut off by a cacophony of coughs, as he turned away from you. “I’m fine. What about-” He finally looked back at you, still embarrassed of the shades of red he’d turned, “what about you?”

      You suppressed a smile. “I’m... decent.” You shrugged, “I’ve... never really seen it before tonight.” 

      “You haven’t?”

      “Nope.” You paused, “I dunno. Maybe being sick like... weakened me or something.” After another pause, you noticed Jeremy shiver. “You can take my room, Jer. It’s warmer - I’ll just - I’ll take the couch-”

     “It’s fine, [y/n] - I’ll just - I’ll sleep on the floor-”

     “You are not sleeping on the floor, Jeremiah,” you feigned offense, “you are a guest! You’ll take my room and I’ll sleep on the floor-”

     “You’re still sick too, y’know,” he retorted, “just - I’ll take one side of the bed if you want-”

     “Fine.” You frowned as you stood, “if you insist.” 

     After leaving the bowl in the sink, filled with water in the classic “it has to soak” manner, you lead Jeremy to your bedroom. You snagged your phone from the floor, plugging it back into charge as you took one side of your bed - making sure to stay as close to the edge as possible while Jeremy took the other. The room was almost silent, the sound of Jeremy breathing quiet enough to merely tint the air.

     Right as you started to fall asleep, you turned onto your back. “Jeremy?” You said, stifled by a yawn. When he hummed in acknowledgement, you continued, “thanks for coming here.”

     You barely caught his soft, almost hesitant “yeah, uh, no problem” as you fell asleep.

[rhodesmystery]

um. smutfic. i joked about 3hrs but then got embarrassed about posting until i bought my vow hoodie from bungie and got such a rush and now here we are lmfao 

2.5k words of pwp. god bless. charlie x mc

Charlie finds her standing by the window. Not so unusual, all things considered. One of the first places he always thought to look, whenever they happened to be together. Something about staring out, letting her thoughts get away, eased her. He knew that much. 

However, Charlie had mostly found her clothed in the other times. Or as close to it. A shirt of his that was barely hiding anything wasn’t passable, and it wasn’t the first time he was thankful they had enchanted his windows to be one-way only. He didn’t want to think what would be said about some poor soul walking past and seeing Natasha the way she was. 

With a yawn, loud enough to alert her, and a roll of his shoulders, Charlie steps completely into the room. Mismatched, with parts kitchen, living and dining, all in one. Not that he minded, as it was his. Much like her, as he happily thought, when Natasha turned. Never a hint of sleepiness in her, with bright eyes and lips half turned up into a smile. Yeah, he knew she already knew that he was awake, but it was the entrance that mattered. Especially when he scratches his chest, stomach, only to rest his hand idly on his thigh.

“Morning.” Once, Natasha told him that she loved his voice in the morning. Didn’t tell him what exactly it was she loved, but he had made a note since then to take full advantage of it.

Natasha is surprisingly quiet with her response. A tumble of ‘morning’, that’s soft and private. Charlie might’ve thought something was wrong, if her eyes weren’t pointedly south. That gets a smile out of him.

“Thought you’d still be in bed.” Idle conversation, to fill the gap between him and her. Until he took those seven exact steps to stand before her. “Missed you.”

“Did you now?” Natasha is facing him now, and he can see his shirt was open, not even buttoned in some vague attempt for decency. Like this was some grand scheme of hers (and he was playing right into her hand). “I’m sorry.” Her lack of sincerity was hilarious, and his laughter was infectious, as she giggles to herself. Enough to distract him again. 

Charlie always liked her tits. Or, maybe he should call them breasts outright, to add some politeness to the conversation. But Natasha clasps her hands behind her back, purposely jutting them out at him, that he can see the swell of each, and how the shirt was barely holding on to cover her nipples. He was definitely going to commit this to memory.

“You should be.” Still trying to keep his tone vague. Not focus on how he could almost follow an arrow that pointed down, between her breasts, over her stomach. Like everything was shouting look at me, and he ate it up. Taking a lot for him not to just sink to his knees and eat her until she screamed his name. Forecast was telling him that was his immediate future.

With a fleeting look back at Natasha’s face, to gauge where she was at, Charlie gets a rather satisfied smile. Yeah, yeah, she read his thoughts, thought herself to be so smart about it too. Not like he wasn’t being obvious about it, cock at half mast already just thinking about her. Natasha, in his shirt, unbuttoned and open, and legs spread just enough, leaning against the window, a hand idly running down her front. Like he hadn’t already had that image in his mind since he’d walked out the bedroom.

“What ever can I do to make it up to you?” And the lines were corny, something out of the really bad movies she was fond of mimicking, except with the way she punctuates her words, making it different. Implications abound.

Charlie moves in a bit closer, a half step forward. Until there’s not else in his vision except her, her lips, her eyes, the spattering of freckles over her nose and the mismatched scars along her jaw. Practically swims in the green, noticing they were darker than any other day. And he loved why he knew that happened. Natasha kisses him, and it’s slow, deep, the only touch. Just the tilt of their heads, the slide of their tongues, and each other. Nothing more, nothing less.

Eventually, it’s his turn to make the move. And not to romanticise their positions, knight takes queen, pushing her against the window, pressing against her entirely. Never breaking the kiss, just hands trying to pull the shirt off, to find skin, only to end up with it tangled around her elbows. To trace along the curve of her spine as she arches into him. Natasha moans against his mouth, her nails burning into his shoulders, Charlie please. Please, the real magic word. Held a lot of weight, when applied properly. Like how it sits pleasantly on his head, as he begins a trail down.

Soft kisses, trying to catch every inch he could. Charlie could never tire of this, even if he knew how embarrassed she got. How she insisted on reciprocating. Not that he minded that outcome, of course, but there was something to be said for how Natasha’s face would look, when he looked up at her. Always partway there to covering her mouth, eyes heavy and hair a mess. Chest heaving, and a flush that coloured her pink. He didn’t know how many times he was up to, with calling her beautiful, but he was bound to crack a thousand eventually, surely. 

Natasha just snorts, trying to play off her embarrassment. Hand on his head, edging him down further. Charlie can only grin, kneeling as comfortably as he could, hands on her thighs. Encourages her wider for him, further still. Fingers tease her nipples, and Charlie can only savour the first strong lick in response. 

Something almost like a hiccup escapes her, and Natasha visibly shudders. With two fingers, Charlie parts her lips, and finds exactly what he wants. What he knew would have her all but shake on him. Charlie sucks, nips, laves her clit with attention, trying desperately to keep his eyes closed, but unable to stop from looking up. He loves when she looks like that, flustered and letting control go. 

Fingers that had spread her move to touch, to feel. Dragging across her seam, barely pressing against her. Charlie has to stop from smiling, when he feels the telltale buck as with one finger, he drives in a little further, but never quite enough. So soon? he thinks, but doesn’t complain. Not like he wasn’t in the same boat. At that thought, Charlie runs a hand over himself, pulling away from her clit only to look down, notice he was leaking. 

Not that he wanted to hurry, but with another twist of his wrist against his cock, he turns back. Ah well, he could make it up to her later. 

Tongue pressing against her, Charlie edges in. The slick sounds, normally off-putting in any other circumstance, always made Natasha a little weaker in the knees. Or it might’ve just been his good work, as she’s saying his name, muffled only by the sleeve of the shirt. Fingers circle her clit, and his free hand pulls at her cheek, massaging, spreading. A barely there teasing touch, against her ass, until he leans back again. 

Switching hands, replacing tongue with fingers, Charlie turns to watching her carefully. How her face may contort into something other than pleasure, when he presses one finger in. Slow, turning, brushing along her inner walls. Last night she’d mentioned that she was sore, a little more than usual. Perhaps Natasha knew what he was looking for, in how she meets his eye entirely, whispering his name as a second finger joins the first. No outward signs of discomfort, especially not when her fingers twist in his hair, tugging strands with a certain amount of force.

“Feels good?” Charlie has to ask, anyway. Can’t help himself. 

Natasha huffs, sending hair flying up. “Yes, Charlie, Merlin’s beard, if you don’t make me come, I swear—”

Even though he’s laughing, he cuts her off. One somewhat satisfied customer then. Curls his fingers, thumb pressing against her clit, and laves attention on what skin he could find with his tongue. Scissors his fingers, free hand perhaps the only thing holding her upright as she all but presses her weight down on his shoulders. From how she bent over him, Charlie could hear her whispers clearer, her pleads. 

Nope, not letting go until she’d come, good and hard. She's shuddering, Charlie yes please right there god yes. Charlie knew about the muggle god that her father’s family worshipped. It was oddly satisfying to hear that name mix in with his, to the point where he didn’t know who was who, as he pumped his fingers in and out of her. 

Natasha comes with a low, long moan. Not her first orgasm, no sir, but definitely one that has her lock up and quiver all at once. Charlie rides her through it, slow circles drawn out, just how she liked. Knew exactly where to touch, where to hold, as she comes down. Time isn’t a concept, as Natasha struggles to push herself back up, eventually leans against the window for support.

And then she says: “You’ve gotten better at that.” As if she’s not heaving in air, sensitivity overloading with how Charlie can’t seem to run a hand up her legs without her nearly giving out.

“I’ve had practice,” is what he says instead. If only because he’s getting a kick out of how he splays his fingers over her stomach, and she has to close her eyes. Bite her lip. 

Puffs of air that resemble try to resemble a laugh leaver her. “Oh, really? What’s her name?” Natasha tries to keep the conversation light and teasing, but Charlie knew. Probably a light draft would have her tumble over once again, if aimed right.

“Natasha. You probably don’t know her. Great gal. Fantastic tits.”

When she laughs, it’s the best sound Charlie had heard in months. Head thrown back, genuine kind of laugh, that ignores the situation and encompasses it all at once. Natasha grins, slack and easy, running a finger over his lips. Charlie chases it, nibbling on the tip, which earns him a pointed look. One he was quite happy to keep around. 

Leaning in, Natasha kisses him. Hot and wet, far too much tongue, and he knows that she can taste herself. The knot in his stomach tightens, acutely aware of how he was running warmer than usual. Along her lower back, Charlie drags his nails, finds her hips. Palms her into turning around, breaking the kiss despite her noise of disapproval. And he might’ve told her that if she just asked him to come on command, he would’ve then and there, except Charlie manages to get her with her back to him, hands firmly planted on the window. 

As Charlie rights himself, one hand firmly stroking his cock as he lines himself up, does he notice how Natasha turns to look over her shoulder. As if regaining some bravado in that moment, she smirks, wiggles her hips. 

“This is new for you.” 

With a snort, Charlie can only settle for giving her ass a light slap. “Shut up.” Perhaps he was a little mollified. Not to say that he was the most adventurous, as he knew he wasn’t and more often than not blushed his way into Natasha all but dominating. Definitely not his fault that he was far more favourable of the lower end of the scale. 

Fine, fine. If she was going to be all smarmy about him branching out, then he'd show her! As long as he could figure out how to stop his ears from burning as he eased his way in. Charlie moans, as she's twitchy and wet around his cock, not helping how Natasha pushes up onto her toes, fingers pressed against the glass. With a few blinks, Charlie is able to see just how the glass steamed in front of her, with every breath she took.

“I’m gonna move.”

“Thank god.”

Chuckles dissolve into pitches in breathing. Like there was just not enough oxygen in the room, and Charlie was definitely a little dizzy, enamoured, whatever, when he grips her hips and pulls her back to meet his thrust. Pushes a hand up, moving the damned shirt up with it, following the arch of her back. Until he lets it fall back again, settling for her shoulder to hold instead. 

Natasha isn’t quiet. Not by a long shot. Settled for thanking her later that she’d been the one to soundproof the house on her arrival. Faster harder Charlie pleasepleaseplease. And he tries to keep up what she’s saying, how he lets go of her hip to palm his way to her front. Find her clit and rub at it furiously, which does nothing except have her cover a moan with her arm. Even as she twitches, tries to pull away, tries to keep meeting him thrust for thrust, Charlie keeps at it. Nothing if not consistent. One of her hands joins his, Natasha’s fingers slipping along his, brushing what was exposed of his cock as he continued to move inside her. 

It's when he presses his forehead between her shoulder blades, does Charlie struggle. Hand slipping from her shoulder, he finds her hand against the window, threading fingers and gripping until his knuckles turn white. Embarrassingly so, holding her firmly against him as he comes. Moans against her skin, something that was definitely her name if a little garbled, until she follows only seconds later. 

Charlie doesn’t know how to move. Limbs felt heavy and light all at once, as if he moved even one foot, he’ll just fall flat on his face, either way. Blinking, the world doesn't stop spinning. Not yet, but he gingerly slides himself out. Regrettably, and “sorry,” when he spies the telltale spill begin to trail down her thighs. Too bad he was tired, or it might’ve been able to roll him into action, strangely so (except, he was acutely aware that his lower half was almost numb, brain fuzzy, eyes only trying to find her face).

As she turns, Natasha faces him with heavily lidded eyes, and a very pleased smile. “It’s fine.” But she’s leaning against the window, as if she didn’t trust her own legs too. With a blush that spread to the tops of her breasts, hair mussed and eyes dark, Charlie knew she was beautiful. And told her just that.

Eventually, she slides down, landing on the ground with a grunt. Charlie follows suit, wobbly and flushed, bumping shoulders when he’s beside her. Natasha kicks a leg over his, idly playing with what he could now consider her shirt, until she pulls it up and holds it at her front. Tilting his head back, Charlie closes his eyes, finds her hand, and squeezes it fiercely. 

For several minutes they sit just so. Until, with a sigh, Natasha rolls her head towards him. “Want breakfast?”

Charlie grins, one that slowly builds, that doesn’t even try to hide what he was going to say next. Opening one eye, he looks at her. “I already ate.”

[jadecringecomp]

jade, of course, is still trying to deflect rather than own up to anything at all. im too lazy for screenshots so youre going to have to deal with text for this one. you can see their post here though. and if receipts are needed they are most likely on the callout blog or you can come to me if you cant find them.

“uses their own dead grandma as leverage out of nowhere literally months after the original argument”

jade are you really that braindead. like youre still just proving my previous point. youre still practically shitting on me for it. i gave a reason as to why that night was so traumatic for me because you keep trying to make it seem “like it wasnt that bad” by your own words!

also like uh, jade. you yourself have used your aunt having cancer as a reason to just... excuse every single action youve done. so again, take that and choke.

“abuses their own bf/ex but its fine because he abused her first lolololol!!!”

jade i... honestly have no words. youre still defending a pedophile, and you even admit he abused me. like, yes, i cheated on him. but how does the fact he is a pedophilic abuser not process through your head. why are you so set on defending that. a genuine question.

“flips back and forth on whether they were actually abused or not whenever it benefits her“

theres... nowhere that even says that in the link you posted. are you posting that to still try and imply i lied about the abuse you inflicted upon me or...?

“refriends their own ‘abuser’”

ok well one jade, you still have no actual proof ive befriended broden at all. all you have is a like on a fucking post. really how braindead is it possible to be at this point.

and regarding bailey, i never called her my abuser. you were the one to do that. you said she abused me after i showed you screenshots of what went down between us. and whats worse after i even came to you and showed you the screenshots and you got involved with that mess?? you still wanna try and say what happened was fake. like you wanna call me two-faced, yet youre so quick to change your mind once you realize that person doesnt benefit you anymore. 

also! for someone whos a survivor of abuse, you sure as hell dont realize a common thing between us survivors is literally going back to those who’ve hurt them right?? like you keep bringing this up as if im fucking lying about the whole thing when im not since again, i came to you while we were friends with the proof. i can even post them if need be. and honestly it doesnt even fucking matter anymore ive broken contact with her after shortly realizing my mistake.

“denies other ppls abuse just because they doesnt like them and a few vent discord messages means they knows literally everything abt it“

i can admit to saying i denied your abuse because there is actual proof that you werent abused two years ago, not because i dont like you. do you really just think nobody will believe proof right in front of them jade??? do you think youre some perfect princess who can do no wrong???? like jade the proof is right @deeancie, @estweri, @honeykeis-callout, and even here. you really expect me to just not believe it if i didnt hate you. you honestly need some real fucking help if thats the case jade.

and really like. if you say your bf clams up when you go to him... what else am i supposed to believe. sure i can be wrong, but reading that shit can really make you wonder what is going on between you two. and jade you wanna say that like you yourself dont do that shit. remember all the times you read vague text posts and would go on a tangent as if you knew every little thing about what was going on in my life. yeah kinda what i thought.

“says grooming minors is talking to people One time“

i love how you fail to leave out the fact that these people were minors and that youre practically defending loli. so if youre still talking to these minors and since youre still defending loli, then yes youre grooming minors into thinking loli is ok.

“straight up let a minor into their porn server on discord (they can go as rabid about this as they want but they still straight up showed an actual minor graphic porn but IM a pedophile bc i rb anime sometimes lmfao)”

again its been resolved. like ive acknowledged it was wrong of me to do and ive changed it. and how can you say you just rb anime sometimes when. you literally are reblogging this kind of fuckshit. like do you not remember reblogging that obviously naked child in a collar or what. the difference is i realized my wrong and changed it while youre still rbing actual loli.

“lied about the relationship (the one where they abused each other and she cheated on him with her other abuser???) having elements of pedophilia because they lied about her age”

this is so... ive told you i forgot. the ages. i was literally an age off for the both of us. like what else do you want me to do about this.

“has sketchy as fuck ocs, including one thats physically ten who would force their adult self insert to be naked around them and also drew them being physically beaten“

while the first was true (but i dont have that oc anymore), where in the fuck did i draw them being physically beaten lole??? are you pulling this out of your ass to deflect you yourself rbing beaten children????

and i swear to god if you bring up this comic, im going to scream.

“is a stalker and an abuser. by their own logic“

ok like. a couple of things to this. jade when are you going to get it through your thick skull i didnt give a shit if you were lurking or not, it was the fact you would comment on my every move. which is stalking by the way and incredibly creepy like get a life!

and an abuser “by my own logic”. the link you shared, again, doesnt show that anywhere. also with how badly of a hypocrite you are, thats you. you told me it was abusive to call people delusional. you started doing that once i realized my wrong and stopped. you told me it was abusive. you told me making people relapse was abusive. yet once i relapse you still didnt give a shit and somehow that makes you in the clear (though i still dont give a shit we both literally did that to ourselves the point is youre an abuser too to your own logic). you said trying to gaslight people is abusive (which it is). look at the stacks of proof i have of you gaslighting me. like i could go on but all the proof if here on this blog.

“oh and dont forget they foamed at the mouth that i didnt instantly know when they changed their pronouns but has been proven to have Actually knowingly misgendered me for weeks“

jade the fact you were lurking should make it fucking obvious you should have known my pronouns. and for weeks?? jade i misgendered you in your callout, which i immediately changed once pointed out. will you please stop lying to make yourself look victim and just tell the truth for once in your life.

“also apparently i can call them rae and its not deadnaming because its not their birthname so“

oh my god youre literally fucking braindead it hurts to watch at this point. no rae isnt my deadname. but i do prefer not going my that. the whole point of that was that you tried screaming transphobia because someone called you by a previous name you went by. you fucking dumbass.

“claims to have bpd but doesnt even know what cluster b is holy shit!!!“

what do i even say to this jade?? what does the fact i didnt know what that was at first matter to me having bpd??? also are you just gonna shrug off the fact that you first claimed you got misdiagnosed with autsim, then suddenly you do? you claimed to have bipolar disorder, then later you suddenly decide you have bpd??? kind of sketchy if you ask me!

“tries to send anons under my name but forgot that their friend levi doesnt even have me blocked so why the fuck would i go on anon if i would ‘sign’ it anyway hm“

a....... are you implying i was the one to send those....? is it because you realized once you did so it backfired?? jade for someone who wanted to claim i was the one making up conspiracies, you sure make up a lot of them.

in conclusion: jade you still are just deflecting! you still havent defended any of the shit me or my friends have called you out for! the fact you still havent admitted to them or so much as even defended the claims sure does speak a lot! stop deflecting and lying and just fucking come out about it!