#PRAY4JENSEN

[tohellandbackanthology]

How can I get a copy of the book?

Hi friend!

Unfortunately, our project is concluded now and we have no plans to reprint ever again. This means that sadly there is no way to obtain a physical copy unless someone in possession of one passes it along to another fan.

However, there are digital copies of the anthology too and we're sure there are fans out there who would be happy to share them!

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

the cockles masterlist, part 6

now split in SIX parts for link limit reasons

WARNING: this post glitches and crashes on mobile. it’s recommended you view this on your desktop, or at least on your mobile browser rather than the app. if my desktop theme is hard on your eyes, try an extension such as Just Read or Reader View to customize the layout and colors.

if you’re still having trouble viewing, or if you don’t want to have to switch between the five posts, here’s all of the links compiled into a google doc.

welcome to the cockles masterpost, a labor of love/insomniac hyperfixation.

i recently wrote this cockles manifesto, but after it got a lot of notes and i kept adding more links to it, i decided i should just go through my 8 years of archives and compile all the cockles posts in a much more accessible and navigable way. after everything with the series finale and destielgate, i figured we could use some happiness, and it turns out there are a lot of people who’ve never heard the cockles gospel.

important disclaimer: yes, i do think that jensen and misha have a private romantic/sexual relationship, but no i do not, in any way, think that they have ever cheated on their wives. we think they are polyamorous, which is a real and valid thing, and misha is openly poly. some people love more than one person, and that’s okay. their families are close and we love and support all of them.

second important disclaimer: despite the amount of innuendo below, this is not about fantasizing about two hot guys fucking. cockles is about the joy of witnessing two people who love each other and make each other happy and are disgustingly cute together. we’re not fetishizing, we’re just appreciating what they publicly share with us.

third important disclaimer: because some of y’all don’t know, the cardinal rule of cockles is that we don’t talk to cockles about cockles. DO NOT leave any comments on their social media accounts implying anything. not even green and blue hearts. they know that we know, but it’s on us not to make it weird. if we’re too obvious and say too much, they might start sharing less. don’t say anything.

for the sake of my sanity, these are in no particular order.

last updated: 3/8/23

🐚 denotes new content

part 1 (That’s Suspicious, mishananigans)

part 2 (#pray4jensen, gag reel hijinks, some posts i’ve written about cockles and rps)

part 3 (know your cockles history, the intimacy)

part 4 (the glory of jibcon)

part 5 (just for cute)

the glory of jibcon continued:

jib11 opening ceremony whispers and giggles

jensen turning his back as misha walks up to hug him | more gifs | video

"just swallow it" "he's always giving that advice" | video

"[danneel] does refer to misha as her boyfriend. which is funny, because so do i." | more gifs | video | fan discussion of this moment

misha sitting on the floor to watch jensen sing, jensen getting shy

jensen serenading misha with "angeles" | video angle 1 | video angle 2 | video of jensen looking at misha, getting flustered, and stopping suddenly | more gifs | photo | misha sitting on the floor watching | another misha photo | the significance of ‘angeles’

"i think you look nice and dapper" ... "then [jensen] went in for a kiss and i was like, whoa!" "hey, when in rome!"

the destiel song they improvised together | video | gifs minus lyrics

big dad angry machine

"i've been haunted by those bear underwear for some time"

jensen "woo!"ing when misha mentions gotham knights

jensen's face going soft when he looks from jared to misha | video

after misha says a unicorn toy is vibrating "for her pleasure", jensen pretends to sit on it | gif

misha moves his chair further away, jensen scoots his closer | video | “what are we doing? am i coming over?”

jensen spinning the wheel then staring at misha for ten seconds straight | video | photos

jensen tells everyone to stop cheering for misha to sing after misha makes it clear he doesn't want to | gifs + bonus “there goes jared with his job security” 👀

jensen winking at misha

jensen saying he's going to plan a big birthday party for misha's 50th, which is more than a year away | video

"you're my canary" | video

whispers and laughing (feat. misha's missing tooth) | photos

"i love those dishes" "you love those bitches??"

misha hyping jensen's new album | video

"my caretaker tells me i had a very nice birthday."

jensen staring at misha’s ass when he bends over

"this is our song"

roasting jared for bragging sam is tougher than dean | gifs

jensen staring at misha before making a birthday wish

riffing on “the european version of spn”: one, two, three, four

chatting about taking their families to amusement parks, jensen refers to misha as ‘daddy’

jensen’s nickname kink in full swing at jib11

12 years of jibcon secrets

head-leaning selfie with briana buckmaster | edit

2023 jibcon11 tag



just for cute (continued):

adorable photo ops: 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92   93 94

2012 spn wrap party photo

300th episode red carpet flirting

"misha decided jensen was the gift" photo op

hand measuring photo op

[destieltropecollection]

DESTIEL TROPE COLLECTION 2023 | DAY 15 | Everyone Knows But Them

Coming Out | NannaT (AO3)

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,002 Main Tags/Warnings: Fluff, one-shot, gambling, shipping Summary: Cas and Dean are in love. But, what if everyone else knew before they did? LOL. Of course everyone knew!

people will say we're in love | @demonmary

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4,817 Main Tags/Warnings: Internalized Homophobia, Mutual Pining, Confessions Summary: “We have a special on our queen bed available if you book more than two nights, or are you two just passing through?" A queen. A-fuckin’-mazing, Dean thought. Add the smart-aleck at the Motel 6 to the list now too. He would be the 4th person that day that assumed he and Castiel were… Dean’s shoulders tensed, his hackles raised as a defense. Was it him? Some sort of energy or abstract, uncontrollable trait Dean possessed that had everyone around him assuming his sexuality? Was there a post-it stuck to his back that said, “Hey! I’m banging Cas”?

A Christmas Conspiracy | @twinone1221

Rating: General Word Count: 21,110 Main Tags/Warnings: Idiots in Love, Christmas Fluff, Coffee Shop AU, Mechanic!Dean Winchester, Writer!Castiel, Everyone know but them Summary: Charlie and Anna are tired of seeing their friends Dean and Castiel dance around each other. They decide to take matters into their own hands.

Changing Channels: Queer Premiere | @fellshish & @emeraldcas

Rating: General Word Count: 26,536 Main Tags/Warnings: Humor, multiple crossovers, pov alternating, first kiss Summary: Gabriel puts Dean and Cas in Changing Channels scenarios where they just happen to meet a lot of gay people. Hmmm, what could it all mean?

How a Grocer Watches Dean Pull His Head Out of His Ass in Seven Days | @pray4jensen

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 51,132 Main Tags/Warnings: outsider POV, switching, miscommunication, fake/pretend relationship, humour, voyeurism, temporary amnesia Summary: Mrs. Christian, owner of Lebanon's only grocery store, had once been a perfectly respectable woman. But now here she was, completely invisible, being forced to witness Dean Winchester's love lessons, all in an effort to teach Castiel how to flirt and bed a woman. “Thank you, Dean,” Castiel said and he looked as thankless as one could be. “For our fake date yesterday. I think I'm ready now. To find a woman...like you want me to.” "I want you to be happy, Cas," Dean said. "You're human now. Hunting isn't a life." But oh, how utterly strained and painful his smile looked! And then, Mrs. Christian had an epiphany and her body shuddered with homophobic shock. How had she not seen it before? How had she not noticed how thin their fake-dating pretence was? This godless man, Dean Winchester, was an authentic homosexual, wasn’t he?! He hadn't been pretending! She lost consciousness at once.

[sunglassesmish]

#pray4jensen

[castiel-left-his-mark-on-me]

I know a million people have already shared their opinions and thoughts on Jensen’s “brother” comment in regards to the confession, so this may be nothing new; but I can’t stop thinking about it so I wanted to write it down.

One of the main reasons I love (and kept watching) SPN over the years was because of Dean’s character-growth. He is just so human—and that is a testament to both Jensen’s acting, as well as Jensen’s age when he started playing Dean.

For fifteen years, we got to observe all those micro and macro changes within Dean’s character; much like a parent watching their child grow up. We noticed how Dean’s face changed, how his voice and confidence and openness morphed and grew … but we also got to see all the ways he stayed the same. We got to see his habits resurface again and again; and we got to see him make the same mistakes over and over. And even though it was frustrating to watch at times … it was also very, very human.  It was natural. It felt real … and I think that was both intentional and unintentional on Jensen’s part.

But just like how our growing child can’t see all these changes within themselves, I don’t think Jensen can see them all within Dean—not like how we can. He’s too close; but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t psychoanalyzed Dean Winchester.

I think it’s become obvious in the last couple of years just how much Jensen has thought about Dean’s thought process, both individually as well as in the SPN canon—and he thinks of Dean as a real person. His answer at VanCon proves that. Like @pray4jensen said: it’s clear that Jensen doesn’t know where he ends and Dean begins. And how could he know? He started playing/shaping Dean in his late twenties; and science has proven that most people’s brains are still malleable at that age. He then went on to grow with that character well into adulthood—through all the formidable and pivotal moments in his own life … marriage, fatherhood, life and death. Dean IS part of him. He wasn’t just an “act” to Jensen. So much of his own development couldn’t help but sneak into Dean’s mannerisms, which made Dean feel very, very real on screen.

Think of it this way … so many of us have had difficult/complicated pasts. We have had to code-switch all our lives. There’s a version of yourself that you have to display in certain company and in certain environments; and sometimes, that version pops up without warning—when triggered by something familiar or traumatic.

Now, I’m not saying that playing Dean was a “trauma” for Jensen (at least—I hope it wasn’t), I’m just saying that we’ve all had experience playing a role in our lives; and even though we know that it’s just a role, we still think of it as a version of ourselves. We still feel like we’re just a moment away from reverting back to that person.  But can you define all the qualities of that other version of you? Can you explain—in detail, just how and when and why that version pops up? No.

You can identify some things, sure, but not all. That’s why we seek out therapy. We need an outside perspective to help us find a way to bridge these versions of ourselves and make them whole again.

This is just human nature. It’s human psychology.

Dean Winchester is a version of Jensen. He is a real part of Jensen’s life. So, when Jensen answers on Dean’s behalf, he can’t help but put himself directly into that character’s boots—exactly where they stand, here and now.

And if we flash back to that confession—Jensen knows that Dean Winchester would not have been able to comprehend all the ways Castiel meant “I love you” because Jensen was Dean in that moment.  And after Cas was taken, Dean still wouldn’t have been able to understand, because all the love he has ever known in his life—all the true, dependable, reliable love, has come along with the fight.  Jensen knows—because he lived it all with Dean, that any love his character felt was a direct result of his battles to save the world. Sam, Benny, Mary, Charlie, Kevin, and on and on … all of them of course cared for Dean—Dean knew that, but since the constant fighting framed every one of those relationships, he couldn’t help but view them all the same way: as soldiers, fighters, products of war. They were family, yes ... but they were all still soldiers. Even those he tried to keep out of the war, Dean still knew the reality was … they had to fight in order to stay alive. That was just the way it was. That was the way of the love Dean felt. Any kind of love beyond that was impossible, because war would inevitably take it away too. That’s why he ended things with Cassie and Lisa. That’s why he only ever pursued shallow flings and one-night stands. And that’s why, when he saw hunters who actually maintained romantic relationships—he always stared at them in wide-eyed-wonder.

Out of all the impossible things Dean had witnessed in his life, that was the one that consistently shocked him.

Hunters … in love and happy.

It felt unreal, even though it was right there in front of his eyes.

He couldn’t understand it. So, even though it apparently was possible for others, he never believed it was possible for him. It had nothing to do with sex … sex wasn’t a part of love for Dean. Sex was just a physical movement, like fighting and eating. It kept his body alive and moving forward. This impossible love he saw others maintaining … it had everything to do with heart; and for nearly fifteen years, Dean believed his heart was worthless.

It wasn’t until an angel stood in front of him on the brink of death and said: Dean, you are not a weapon to be wielded. You are beautiful. You are a man full of love who deserves to be loved, and I love you, that Dean thought any different.

It wasn’t until he heard Castiel say Dean was more than just a soldier, that Dean actually started to believe it. But that realization was still a long way off from what Castiel was actually telling him.

And Castiel knew that Dean wouldn’t understand—he knew that Dean wouldn’t be able to fully grasp his words and take them to heart; but he hoped that if he at least said them out loud … if he said them to Dean’s face and saved the man’s life, that Dean would go on to live and grow; and then someday, he would see that someone did actually love him once. Cas truly loved him—not because Dean could protect him in a fight. Not because he was a good hunter or the savior of the world, but because Dean was Dean, and that was enough.

And you know, if Dean got to live to 100, he just might’ve realized that; but he didn’t. He died too soon. And so, he never got to truly grasp what his angel was saying, and I feel like that’s what Jensen understands about Dean the most.

He understands that Dean never got the chance to understand love.

Not in that way. Not in the way Castiel meant it.

Dean was still too naive, too broken, too jaded; so, he did what all humans do, he put the complex into terms he could understand, and that was that Castiel loved him the way that Sam loved him. The way that Benny and Charlie and Kevin loved him, the way that all his found-family love him; and after Cas was gone, he buried his face into his hands and wept because once again, he failed to protect his family. And even worse, he failed to at least let Castiel go knowing that Dean loved him too—in the only way he knows how to love, he was too broken to say even that.

He let Castiel down in every way possible, so he curled into himself and sobbed.

He should have said it back.

He should have held the angel close and said it back.

Dean realized it too late, and Jensen knows how much that hurt him.

It wasn’t about sex.

It wasn’t about romance.

It was about love and loss, and Dean was all too familiar with both—but only in the ways he had seen all his life.

The love of family and the loss of family.

He never had the chance for more.

He never got to see what else his own heart was capable of.

That’s what I feel Jensen meant with that answer, and that’s what I think he understands the most about Dean's character. We may be able to see the bigger picture because we're on the outside looking in; but Jensen was in Dean’s boots every day for fifteen years.

All he could ever see was what was right in front of him—and when Castiel made that confession, Jensen could only see it through Dean's eyes. He could only feel what Dean felt. He knows that when Castiel said those words to him, that was his best and truest friend in the world saying goodbye.

Another brother-in-arms was lost to him; but this time, it felt different. It hurt more, and if Dean just had a little more time—he would've been able to understand why.

[profoundbondfanfic]

The Unexpected Consequences of Amnesia

The Unexpected Consequences of Amnesia by 6Ord3dom (@pray4jensen) Rating: Mature Word Count: 10k

When a spell backfires and results in Sam losing a year’s worth of memories, Sam’s really not that worried. After all, Dean reassures him that he hasn’t missed much and for the first time in a long time, the supernatural world’s at peace. Except then Dean and Cas exchange a look. Except then Sam keeps seeing them sneak around at night, into each other’s bedrooms, or whispering stealthily into each other’s ears whenever they think that he’s not looking. So naturally, Sam just has to investigate. Or the one where Sam obliviously and almost single-handedly brings about the collapse of Dean and Cas’ marriage in the span of one week.

So I know that it's a joke in the fandom that sometimes Sam is simply oblivious to what's happening underneath his nose, but this fic takes that idea to a whole new level. It's hilarious, and on just the right side of cracky, with just a little hint of angst to keep it spicy.

The fic begins with Sam getting hit with a memory loss curse that erases all of his memories of the past year. He finds himself in a world where the supernatural is mostly under control, Cas has fallen to become human, and things are mostly happy. "Like marital bliss" Dean tells him. (There is absolutely nothing suspicious about that line. Absolutely. Nothing.)

Throughout this fic, Sam is delightfully obtuse as he tries to discover what, exactly, Dean and Cas are hiding from him (they must be hiding something! They keep on sneaking off together and whispering!), even as they work a case together. He also has to deal with such horrors as Dean trying to get two hotel rooms when one would clearly do, Dean and Cas sneaking into the bathroom together (to talk about Sam, of course!), and Dean and Cas interrupting Sam's precious beauty sleep with their midnight wrestling (in the same bed, no less!). Cas also has a disastrous accident where he sits on a Sharpie, and that makes his ass hurt for the rest of the fic. Really, it's a miracle that they're even able to investigate this case.

This fic is a light-hearted little romp and it never fails to bring a smile to my face with its humor. Read it when you need a pick me up, or as a palate cleanser from a ton of angst! 💖

[inacatastrophicmind]

💕 you're someone's favorite blog! Spread the joy and tag your top ten blogs 💕

Thank you, anon

I'm tagging @assbuttboyfriends @ne8ula @winchester-reload @seraphcastiel @donestiel @agentcastiels @becauseofthebowties @chevrolangels @dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you @novemberthee5th @pray4jensen

[castielreal]

sigh. #Pray4Jensen

[gii-heylittleangel]

Tag 10 people to get to know them better

@envydeantagged me, thank you so much! :)

Fave colour: navy blue, though I can tend to lighter or darker depending on the day

Currently reading: Science in the Soul by Richard Dawkins (completely recommend it, by the way)

Last series: The Sandman (obsessed about it) and finally finished the last season of Peaky Blinders

Last Movie: Girl in the Picture (does it count if it’s a documentary?)

Currently working on: I’m not currently writing, sadly, but I do wish I was

Tagging: @deancasgreenblue @yuvon-augold79 @pray4jensen @not-gwaenchanha and anyone else who wants to join :D

[tohellandbackanthology]

Would you consider re selling these?

I'm sorry. This project is closed permanently. We won't be selling copies ever again!

[not-groped-by-an-angel]

basically jared and misha had a fight scene and jared was straddling him and kissed him for like half a second. this was in a gag reel but apparently he also said ‘yeah you sexy bitch you like it’ as a joke.

then in the panel with jensen and misha, misha told the story and jensen just lay down with no prompting and then misha straddled him, choked him and said ‘yeah you sexy bitch you like it’ and then they got up but like two minutes later jensen had a boner 😐

these links are tumblr posts that show their panel and one video on twitter of the… ahem.. boner

https://livebloggingmydescentintomadness.tumblr.com/post/186962583850/magnificent-winged-beast-cockles-the

https://livebloggingmydescentintomadness.tumblr.com/post/625448364304105472/casblackfeathers-pray4jensen-video-credit

https://twitter.com/BarlOwenLover/status/1387774714848874503?s=20&t=idQ-SD2ayXcp9aTf0K-H9A

Thank you my life is both better and worse for this

[sunglassesmish]

i just realised what jensen’s reaction here: https://at.tumblr.com/deanandkastiel/interesting-reaction/nq40br0nk7sg reminds me of!

this: https://at.tumblr.com/dimples-of-discontent/misha-teasing-jensen/c9dvtpdjdtja

#pray4jensen

holy shit the swallowing!!! jensen oh you obvious… obvious man..

[rosstrytobe]

I’m sorry but i didn’t see so much Cokles/Jenmish edits with this moments so i had to...

[supernatur-ally]

[inacatastrophicmind]

I was tagged by @midnightsdestiel

Tag game! Choose an artist you like and use their song titles to answer the questions as close to truthfully as possible!

Name of the Artist: Green Day

What is your gender? She

Describe yourself: Basket Case

How do you feel? Burnout

If you could go anywhere, where would it be? Hitchin a Ride

Describe your best friend: Knowledge

Your favorite time of day: In the End

If your life was a tv show, what would it be called? Boulevard of Broken Dreams

What is life to you? Still Breathing

What do you fear? No One Knows

I’m tagging @wednesdayadddms @becauseofthebowties @assbuttboyfriends @pray4jensen @chevrolangels @wanderingcas (Feel free to ignore!)