#PRSNL

[theepoetspoem]

She's rocking slowly in the moons light

Crying silently for those small warm hands she'll never kiss again

She held her sons hands and only felt his cold

His unbeating heart broke hers into pieces small enough to pass through the eye of a needle

And that's all I saw when I look up on her

A mother fractured and lost

This genocide continues and each day I watch another mother break

Another limb lost

Another small ribcage moving unsteadily

And I cry as I weed and plant and tend

I do what I can do

But my tears mean nothing as I tend the garden of my own heartbreak.

I cry

[amoural]

i was inspired

[notababy-babygirl]

The happiness you feel when everyone is winning in life.

[rueyam]

i can’t wait for sunshine and green trees and flowers in all shapes and colors and bird chirping and longer days. i’m so excited for spring <3

[softheartedlover]

no pickmesha around here

[nefelibatastudy]

june 6, 2024

[poleeeng]

feeling @herjourne and @katoptrisse’s love from miles away 🤍

lucky to be friends with the most generous and kindhearted girls. thank you for this birthday gift for me and our little bean. jacques and i are blessed to have you! i love you always and i miss you so much!!!

[b-lessings]

Pov: Chillin' at Al Masjid An-nabawi in Medinah 🥹🤍 May Allah swt grant its visit to every yearning soul, ameen 🍃

[wtfcaraaa]

🐿️

[finebime2]

I love flirting

(I have no idea what I'm doing)

[amoural]

redraw of an old adrienette paparazzi photo 📸‼️🐞🐈‍⬛

original | ig

[horce-divorce]

something something about the power imbalance inherent to being an unhoused person, how similar it is to the dependency that abusers intentionally foster in their relationships to keep victims from leaving. but if you're homeless and someone is putting you up, especially if it's for free/some kind of exchange other than rent, you're basically expected to put up with whatever indignity they can imagine for you and still just be grateful. And if you set a boundary or speak up for yourself in any kind of way, that's Taking Advantage of this poor kind person who's doing SO much for you already, how could you?

sorry its 2am and I'm trying to write a better draft about this for later too but its like. being homeless is a huge, huge vulnerability. ppl people will look to exploit that, intentionally or not. and doubly so if you're homeless because you're disabled.

also something the ableism involved... about how I know so many fellow disabled people who have struggled with homelessness, and we all have similar stories about people we trusted, friends or loved ones who seemed all too happy to help and take us in, and how we repeatedly impressed upon them the nature of our health and the situation, and they swore up and down that they understood and that we were on the same page about boundaries and expectations... only to have them blow up and kick us out at the absolute first sign of conflict or miscommunication, or because we didn't get jobs fast enough, or because we didn't contribute financially even after being told that wasn't expected, and so on.

and how, I know so many housed people who have never been through this, who all have very similar stories about how they tried to help a friend in need once, and they were SO lazy and horrible and took SO long to get their shit together that they clearly were just a freeloader taking advantage who should've never been trusted, just like all homeless people, and that's why we give them socks and canned beans instead of money.

I was never allowed to complain about ableist expectations or abled people ignoring my boundaries in my parents' home. Especially not after I became a disabled adult who still needed help with housing. And that's been true of most of the couch-hopping I've done since then, too.

Currently we have a fairly nice situation... we live with a trusted and pleasant friend. It's a whole house, not an apartment. Not even in the city. We have our own entire room. We don't have to pay rent or anything. It's temporary even aside from our discomfort, it's just been a nice place to land for the cold months.

However. Friends parents are not so chill. Their dad is the most disgusting man alive and has repeatedly gotten us sick bc he's always got something, bleeds all over and never cleans it up, never washes his hands, leaves his dentures on countertops and tables with food still stuck on them, coughs all over our stuff and never masks, is actively making the mouse infestation worse with all the food he leaves out, and puts our health at risk in SO many ways.

he used to work in Healthcare btw. His wife still does. They know we're here bc we're homeless; they know we're both disabled and immunocompromised; neither of them will wear a mask. Both of them are constantly coughing everywhere and not even covering their mouths. We've tried to politely bring this to their attention multiple times and nothing changes. They just ignore us.

We could literally die from this. We could get lifelong health complications even worse than what we have now. Bel lost his sense of taste today and now we're terrified that it's gonna be long covid or something else that sucks what little joy is left from our daily lives.

You lose everything, and then you're supposed to just say nothing and accept your lot, no matter how much danger you're in, because beggars can't be choosers. If you're disabled and poor you'd better just be fine with people abusing you and putting your health and safety at risk indefinitely, because you're lucky they're even helping you at all instead of JUST abusing you.

You dont get to have a home. You dont get to collect things, or keep sentimental things, or have a whole, adequate wardrobe. You get what you can carry with you and what won't get stolen or destroyed by others, or by the nature of moving so much. You dont get to have safety and stability and roots and community. You dont get the dignity of boundaries or your own space. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. And be happy and say "thank you" if people are merely ignoring you instead of actively silencing you. And if the people "helping" you actually give you the thing that kills you, at least you didn't die of exposure, I guess? Or something?

Its just. Every single thing you do as both a homeless & disabled person reminds you how utterly worthless you are to the """normal""" people around you. Every day. It's so demoralizing.

[rueyam]

daily reminder to NOT give your 110 percent to a job but only as much as is necessary <3

[theepoetspoem]

I make a lot of mistakes

And I feel like I have a reel of text playing over my body in varying fonts with the words "why did I do that?"

I used to wish that I could turn off my feelings

And then one day I could

And I left them off for so long

That I ended up with four doctors, 12 lbs underweight, and a cocktail of meds in my belly.

I hardly ever feel like I'm doing a good job at existing. I backtrack. I over-explain. I talk too much. I speak with candor in a way that flags me as nd.

I hope one day

Everyone looks back and realizes that even when I made mistakes

It was only ever bc that's what happens when you try

Sometimes you fail

[nefelibatastudy]

feb. 22, 2024 | what are you gonna do when life’s throws you somewhere you never expected to be?

i guess, to just move forward and always—always keeping my focus on the horizon ✨

[poleeeng]

mama still peels my oranges for me when i ask her. papa still cooks and preps every meal for me. mama still asks me every working night what snacks would she buy for me.

i may be a mom now, but i’m still their baby.