#Paladin Tourney Round 1

[paladin-tourney]

Round 1, Side A - Cassandra Pentaghast (Dragon Age: Inquisition) vs. Kaladin Stormblessed (The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson)

Propaganda:

Cassandra Pentaghast (Dragon Age: Inquisition)

Cassandra is the Right Hand of the Divine, essentially the sword arm of the fantasy pope. She's also a member of the Seekers of Truth, whose job is to root out corruption within the church... Currently with less than excellent results and methods. When she finds out about the corruption within her own order, she purges the whole thing because she still believes in its ideals of truth, honor, and justice. She also kicks off the events of the game by leading an investigation into the Divine's death and can possibly become the Divine at the end! By and by she's an incredible warrior with a good heart who lives by her creed to the best of her ability, even when (especially when) it hurts to do it. She's not perfect, but she's willing to learn from her mistakes. Also, she's really into trashy romance and is really embarrassed when anyone finds out. I love her so much.

Kaladin Stormblessed (The Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson)

No propaganda submitted.

[hubristicassholefight]

Hubristic Assholes Tourney Round 1 Part 3a

Erin Ruunaser (Aurora) vs Manfred von Karma (Ace Attorney)

Propaganda below cut (Spoiler warning!)

Erin

So in Aurora, there was this ancient, magical storm that been going on for centuries. The further one went in, the more likely they were to die either due to the hostile environment or the massive amounts of ambient magic would begin to basically destroy their body from the inside. Erin looked at this and basically went “yes, but I’m built different” and went inside with zero backup. Now, technically speaking, he is in a way built different as he is one of the only people in the world who can control all of the six (known) magical elements that make up the Storm, so he was able to bypass all of the obstacles and make it to the center. When he got there, he unknowingly activated a trap that destroyed the Storm and caused him to become possessed by an eldritch star-eating dragon, whose physical body is still stuck in the core of the planet and wants to use his new vessel to free himself. Whoopsie! Now, Erin is searching for a way to sever his link with the dragon without his buddies from the Academy finding out. Also he’s being hunted by Paladins now. Fun times; At one point, he tries to learn more about the Void Dragon by accessing a Paladin library. The receptionist doesn’t let him in because he isn’t a Paladin, and he basically goes full Karen on her (he literally asks to speak with her supervisor/manager). Then he learns that one of his friends will be held prisoner for as long as they plan to stay in the city (long story). Erin still plans to stay for as long as he needs to get information on the evil Void Dragon. Said dragon literally appears in his dream that night to tell him he’s being kind of an asshole. Also despite all of this, Erin still isn’t entirely sure if the Light Dragon worshiped by the Paladins is even real. He knows the Void Dragon is real, but the opposite still seems like a stretch I guess. Also the receptionist from earlier is one of the Paladins currently hunting him. He needs to be shoved in a locker. I need to shove him in a locker.

Travels through a famously dangerous magic storm just because he can, fixes some kind of broken magic rune circle that is causing the storm, getting possessed by the evil Void Dragon in the process; He once tried to talk his way into a restricted library and got shot down hilariously

He tries to explore to the center of this volatile magic storm that no one's ever gotten to the center of, and immediately gets possessed by the primordial void dragon that had been waiting for someone exactly like him to try to get to the center of the storm. At the time of writing this he's about to try to cross an ocean on an experimental never-before-seen type of boat, which i suspect will only go well and will have no problems :)

Ventures into a giant magical storm, declaring that the only reason no one has ever reached the center is because he hasn't tried to yet. Reaches the center and promptly decides to switch off the magical pedestal creating the storm, because he can, and gets possessed by a star-eating eldritch dragon god for his trouble.

Literally the first thing he does in the comic is go explore a highly dangerous magical storm just because he's currently the one person in the world who can manipulate all six traditional magic elements and is therefore the only person who can explore the storm safely. At its center, Erin discovers a cracked pedestal with the elemental runes on it and deduces it to be the cause of the storm, then just stops the storm without a second thought, which is notable for two reasons: 1. By the time the audience gets this info, we've already seen a town whose infrastructure depends on the strong winds the storm produces, which is obviously no longer viable 2. The storm itself turned out to have been a trap set by an ancient evil star-eating dragon trapped in the center of the planet which has now possessed Erin. He's actually incredibly booksmart and puts that knowledge to very impressive use sometimes, but he is also known to be impulsive, overcome with confusion when presented with a thing he doesn't know about already, and of course, hubristic. (he does demonstrate a pretty well-aligned moral compass when it counts, though) In summary, I really like him because his combination of character traits makes him flip-flop wildly between "exactly as awesome as he thinks he is" and "hopelessly cringefail" depending on the situation and it never stops making sense. He's so smart but he's so stupid.

(Spoilers) This dude walked into a massive magical storm that literally nobody lived long enough to see the center of, all while gloating about how smart he is, then touched a highly suspicious symbol and got himself possessed by basically Satan. He then proceeds to lecture Not-Satan on how he’s the smart one on this team and that he better sit down and shut up unless he wants to be killed by his MANY enemies. And the strange part is that it worked; The fandom gave him the nicknames “Icarus” “Sicktats McHubris” and “Pompous Nitwit” and I think that says a lot about him

Manfred

During a trial against Miles Edgworth’s dad Gregory Edgeworth Manfred von karma gets a penalty he does not lose the trial however he considers this penalty an egregious enough crime that he must kill Gregory Edgeworth. And he does however due to Miles throwing a gun he gets shot in the shoulder causing him to take his one and only vacation to recover. However he doesn’t get the bullet removed to avoid questioning as to why he has a bullet in his shoulder. For 15 years he gets away with it (miles doesn’t know it was him it’s a whole thing) but then just a few days before the statute of limitations is up on the murder of Gregory Edgeworth he decides to with the help of the Yani Yogi the man originally accused of murdering Gregory Edgeworth frame Miles for the murder of the defense attorney that got Yani off with an insanity plea (which is why Yani hates the man) then after it’s proven Yani is the murder Miles confesses to killing his dad and in Manfred’s attempt to convict Miles for that it’s proven that he killed Gregory. How? Phoenix uses a metal detector to detect the bullet in his shoulder; The thing that kills me about Manfred “I killed a man because he gave me a penalty in court” Von Karma is that he absolutely could’ve gotten away with it if he didn’t try to get revenge on Miles. He was so confident that he would get Miles convicted if not for the murder of Robert Hammond than for the murder of his own father. He was so confident because there’s no way this attorney with only 3 cases under his belt will beat him not when he tased him and that weird girl tagging along with him in the evidence room preventing him from getting any evidence on the DL-6 case except he didn’t prevent them he didn’t even bother to check because that weird girl ended up holding onto a bullet. the bullet that killed Gregory a bullet they could use to for comparison to see if a bullet was shot from the same gun a bullet like the one in Manfred’s shoulder. The bullet he didn’t have removed to avoid the question of “where did that bullet in your shoulder come from”

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 4  The Grand Tournament

An Extremely Normal Tourney

It’s time for the royal tourney! A tourney that Brennan, who would never lie to us, has assured us will be all fun and games and only simulated danger! What could possibly go wrong?

For an exhaustive answer to what should be a rhetorical question, let’s join our PCs on the tourney grounds where they’re getting ready for their respective events. 

Just to give you guys a quick rundown of who’s doing what:

Theobald is in the Joust, facing off against Lady Plumbeline.  

Liam, Ruby, Lord Citron of Fructerra (Banana man), and Lady Freccia of Cerecia (Spaghetti Illithid woman) are in the archery competition. 

There are two melee bouts going on: 

One is a Vegetanian knight (Bonathan--french fries dude), Anabelle, Grissini, and Jet 

The other is Keradin (Bulbian paladin from last ep), a Ceresian Gladiator, Scravoya (wife of the meat dude Amethar called out last episode), and Amethar.  

The only person sitting out the festivities is old-man Lapin who is chilling in the high rollers box with the Pontifex, Alfredi, and some of the other important peeps we met last episode.  

Lord and Lady Cruller are watching Jet’s fight and also have taken Primsy under their wing to keep her away from Stilton who Theobald has warned everyone about.

While Brennan rolls initiative for a million NPCs, the PCs mess around with the Message cantrip and Jet worries that something bad might happen to her dad during the tournament. Ruby says that, if anyone tries anything, they’ll stop it.

On to the matches!

In the first round of the archery competition, Liam does well with a 23 (he’s only beaten by Citron who gets a 25) and Ruby (who’s not really equipped for bow shooting at this distance and can’t get a magic boost without putting herself in major danger) lags behind with a 10.

In the main melee battle, Scravoya (who is fully just a t-bone steak with eyes) outright threatens Amethar and he leans into it, saying they should take out their competition so they can 1v1 each other. A very good idea but with only an 8 Persuasion roll to back it up, it doesn’t work. Amethar tries to make the same deal with Keradin but, when he’s rebuffed, goes into a rage and goes for Scravoya, hitting her for 19 points of damage. On her turn, she returns the favor for 16 points.  

Jet decides to take a page from her dad’s book and tries to ally with Annabelle...by bringing up her ejection from the line of succession, her refusal to wed, and also declaring that she also won’t wed--each of those statements probably being enough to cause a scandal on its own. But even with disadvantage on Persuasion, Jet gets a 20 which means that while the crowd is scandalized, Annabelle is touched by the show of solidarity and salutes with her sabre. Then Jet hits Grissini for 21 points of damage, giving us insight into what his type is because his response is to instantly go full heart eyes for her. Doesn’t stop him from dealing a bunch of damage to Jet on his turn though.  

Meanwhile, Lapin--saying it’s a request from the king--has Lord and Lady Swirly (who are in the box with him) hold comically full glasses of wine for when Amethar’s match is done, something they don’t question at all. He foregoes a “real turn” so he can act when something actually happens.

In the joust, Theobald and Lady Plumbeline run at each other and Theo super hits with a 24. The joust is supposed to be three rounds long but on a 15 Athletics to her nat 1, Theo absolutely sends her flying off her meep and ends it--and the chance at getting to name herself as a candidate for the Emperor’s successor--right then and there. He hops down off his meep to help her up but she slaps his hand away, picks herself up, fully crying, and runs off the field.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Back in the main melee, Brennan asks for 3 Con saving throws from Amethar, activating both mine and Lou’s Fight or Flight. Brennan says that Amethar takes 8 piercing damage and then 22 points of damage that are not halved (even though he’s raging) which brings him down to 6 HP. And, on top of that, he’s suddenly having trouble breathing.

Zac decides that this is a good time for Lapin to take his turn but, on an 8, doesn’t notice anything is wrong. Like yeah, Amethar’s hurt but it would be weird if it wasn’t. It’s a melee. Amether also rolls Perception and, with an 8, though he knows that something sharp cut into his side when he bumped into Keradin and the gladiator (which is weird because they’re all fighting with blunted weapons) he thinks he could have just gotten scratched by their armor or something. 

Liam and Jet both fail their Perception checks on their turns to notice Amethar is in dire straits. 

Oh Amethar’s turn, having realized that something Weird and Bad is happening, he fully nopes out of there and Disengages so he can hop the fence to the pen where Jet’s fight is happening (the one Cruller is watching) and lie down to signal to everyone that he’s not fighting anymore and needs help.

Unfortunately for him, Scravoya fails her Wisdom save and jumps the fence to continue wailing on Amethar, knocking him unconscious.     

Lapin, paying off the Looney Tunes gag that he set up on his first turn, hip checks Lord and Lady Swirlie to make them throw the wine in Alfredi’s face. While she’s distracted, he does some sneaky healing on Amethar (13 pts) which no one clocks though Brennan doesn’t tell *them* that.  

Amethar, while unconscious, sees his sister Rococco in a field of wheat in the spot where she died, who tells him to get up. In the real world, he does. 

On Jet’s turn, she prepares to exit the fight to help her dad. Grissini notices that she’s distressed and asks if something’s wrong. When she says that someone is trying to kill her dad, he stops fighting, throws down his weapon, and tries to get the Pontifex’s attention. 

As soon as it’s his turn, Theo accesses the Speed Force, runs all the way to Amethar, and disarms Scravoya. Jet is suddenly more interested in learning a disarming blow.

Ruby runs over to Jet to help out if she needs to (and, mechanically, so their lockets are in play) and also sends Yak up to keep an eye on things.  

Cruller jumps down to help stop the fighting and check on Amethar, finding that Amethar can’t speak. He calls for a healer and Keradin comes over. Ruby makes him drop his mace as he passes her but he gets there and kneels next to him.

Liam casts Detect Poison and Disease since Amethar looks pretty sick (his deception roll to hide it is only a 10, yikes) and Brennan says there’s definitely poison happening. But oh no Brennan. You’re not getting away with just that. The language of that spell says you ID the type and location of poison in range. 

Brennan reads the card to confirm that his shit is thoroughly fucked and then narrates that Liam detects a poison cocktail in Amethar which delivered 22 points of poison damage (he saved so 22 was half), gives the Poisoned condition (which he also saved from), and also silences the person for an hour (which is why he can’t talk). And location? Liam smells the same poison that’s in Amethar’s body on two daggers on Keradin’s belt. Liam calls him out (without explaining what’s going on very well--luckily Theo starts yelling poison to make things more clear for the audience) and casts Hunter's Mark very openly without really disguising it.

Father in danger, Jet tries to attack Keradin but misses twice. Amethar, on his turn, gets up, goes into a rage, and hits Keradin (whose eyes go blank and soft) and then backs up from him.

Scravoya keeps fighting because she’s a woman in a rage and on a mission (rather than anything especially sinister, a previous check showed that she thinks Amethar is cheating or wussing out which is why she’s kept fighting).

Back in the box, Alfredi is still chewing out the Swirlies and not really paying attention to the other insanity going on. The Pontifex meanwhile is watching intensely and is so shocked she can’t really move or speak. Lapin yells for them to call off the fight (21 Persuasion) and, even though he probably shouldn’t be giving orders while sitting next to someone who outranks him so completely, the Pontifex ignores that and yells at Keradin to kneel and he does so immediately.   

The horns blow, the fight stops--even Scravoya stops. But we’re still in initiative. Anabelle jumps over and knocks Keradin further down. Grissini starts mobilizing guards to stop anyone running away. Theo tries to get the daggers from him and fails. Luckily Ruby is next and she casts Hex (giving Keradin disadvantage to Dex) and just barely grabs the poison daggers from Keradin’s belt with help from Yak, holding them up and loudly declaring their existence to the crowd like the performer she wants to be. The daggers are made of pure water which is super deadly to sugar people. And luckily, on a nat 1, no one notices her spell. Cruller goes after the fleeing Ceresian gladiator and we exit combat.

Keradin is grabbed by guards and is double arrested by the Pontifex and Grissini in a church/state tag team. Alfredi glances at Lapin and then comes down and heals the Poison condition from Amethar.

Liam tries to do a better job at disguising his magic as just non-magical ranger knowledge but doesn’t do a great job, even with help from Ruby.

Jet tries to see if Anabelle is on the level and her read on her is shaky because it’s been a crazy like minute and a half for her. She then apologizes for inadvertently embarrassing her. Anabelle says she needs to learn to be less quick to run off at the mouth outside of Candia but she doesn’t seem to have any hard feelings (especially since her scandal is like only the 9th craziest thing that’s happened at this point). 

Lapin’s Big Day

The security minded people start to arrange escorts and guards and all the stuff you do when an assassination attempt happens. Theo wants to be part of the investigation. Lapin sees Alfredi talking to the Pontifex and pointing to Liam. The Pontifex then comes over to Grissini and says that the church would see Keradin hanged for his actions. Grisinni tells her that the Candians want to talk to him first and she’s fine with that. She leaves, followed by the meat people. Before he leaves, Senator Ciabatta checks in with Amethar and, without explanation, says that he doesn’t believe Keradin acted alone. 

Liam is ready to just peace out into the woods before he’s tried as a witch but Theo tells him to stay. Cruller comes back and says that they arrested the dude he had been chasing down. They decide to split up with the kids and Tartgaurd going with Amethar to lay low--and to protect Liam--while the old dude squad--Theo, Lapin, and Cruller--go to supervise whatever’s going on with Keradin so he doesn’t just get disappeared before they can talk to him. Theo gives Jet Sprinkle (whose eyes he can see through) and they split up.   

Anabelle comes over and introduces herself to Amethar, calling it a great honor as her dad was good friends with him. Jet makes a comment about her thighs being weapons because she hasn’t learned anything from her talk with Anabelle (who, for the record, doesn’t disagree with the content of the statement, just the appropriateness).

Prince Cabbage also passes by and they get the sense that he was not paying attention to anything that was going on and just had it explained to him after the fact (which, dude, how do you sleep through that???? Unless he didn’t and he wasn’t paying attention for some wild, Pepe Silvia reason, but too much craziness is going on this ep for me to start Wild Mass Guessing for no reason). 

Lapin lets the others know that the cat might be out of the bag re: Liam’s magic and Cruller points out that it’s way easier for the church to off him than Ruby so he’s potentially in a LOT of danger. Even the king might be powerless to stop any retribution. Theo suggests that maybe if Liam was made a knight, that would give him some protection. Lapin thinks he might be able to talk to the Pontifex about it. And if neither of those work, Cruller can try and spirit him away back to Candia.    

Plans set, they go find Keradin who is chained in a dungeon guarded by Grissini and his men. Lapin does an Insight check with advantage (helped by Theo) and our boy gets a nat 20! On that nat 20, he knows that Keradin is of such unshakable faith that he is immune to being mind controlled. He’s just an extremely loyal follower of the church who’s never had an independent thought in his life.

 Lapin asks for the room to be cleared so he can have a conversation with Keradin and Grissini says he’s under orders from the Pontifex to not let Keradin get-got before the church has the chance to do it. “Oh,” says Lapin. “So you’re calling me, a man of that that same church, a liar and also a murderer? Interesting.” Grissini is so cowed that even without Lapin rolling Intimidation or Persuasion, Grissini deeply apologizes and clears the room.

Lapin makes like he’s going to break him out of his chains and asks Keradin where he’s supposed to meet with his co-conspirators. On a 25 Deception (!) v. Keradin’s 3 Insight, Keradin says that there was no plan and he was supposed to just let Amethar die on the field and walk away. Lapin asks where he can get another dagger so he can complete the attack and Keradin says he got his three from Alfredi!

Information gleaned, Lapin slaps Keradin across the face and calls back in the guard, telling them to arrest Alfredi. On a 22 Persuasion, Lapin is able to get Grissini to agree to this bold order and they head out. 

Keradin loses his shit and starts pulling at his chains, yelling, “Apostate!” at Lapin who leans in and drops the rawest line anyone could have at that moment.

“Where is your Bulb now?”   

Medal of Honor

When Lapin DID THAT my first thought was, “Man, I wish I still had Honor Roll on my recaps so I could give it to him.” Then I remembered I make the rules here and I can do whatever the hell I want. 

What an absolutely BEASTLY set of moves from Lapin. I’ve always said, Zac is quietly super smart but always hampered in-game by the himbos he chooses to play but man did he make up for every insane, “Are you my Dad?” from S1 with his CRAZY flex this episode.

One of the best things you can do as a player is do something so logical and natural and fitting that the DM can’t help but give it to you, roll be damned and he got that from Brennan this episode.

Not to mention setting up his distraction a round in advance, coming up with a *great* way to get info from Keradin (in the moment I had no idea how he was gonna play that), taking Alfredi off the board so early into the game, and that sick, sick, mic drop of a line that forced Brennan to end the episode.

He went from sitting out the entire tournament to undisputed MVP of the episode. What a champ.

*Also, would be remiss if I didn’t mention that his gag of just creepily appearing on the king’s shoulder is my fave of the season so far.   

Things I’m Concerned About

Well the number one thing I’m concerned about is a thing I didn’t even notice until I rewatched for this recap. Ruby grabs two water daggers off of Keradin but then Keradin tells Lapin that Alfredi gave him three water daggers. Which means that either water daggers are one use (3 - the one he used on Amethar = 2) OR, both more likely (assuming max drama at least) and troubling, there’s a third dagger floating around out there. And that’s such an easy thing to miss in the heat of the moment when you’re playing. So the question is, who has that third dagger? It would be weird if Alfredi had it--why give it right back to the person who gave it to you? If this is a Bubian conspiracy, maybe one of the other officials like Onionpatch--he would be an unexpected candidate. Either way, I hope someone clocked that bit of info or will soon because that’s a dangerous thing to just be lurking.

I’m concerned about how far down this rabbit hole goes (pun unintended but consciously retained). When Brennan said Keradin’s eyes went blank and soft during the struggle, I was thinking maybe mind control but he’s apparently immune to mind control (which I think means he’s at least a level 8 Paladin since that’s when they gain immunity to charm spells and abilities--so I guess he was just surprised at the turn of events in that moment and that’s what that was?). So how corrupt is this church? Does it go all the way to the Pontifex? Do they want a specific person on the throne or do they just not want a Candian on the throne since they’re well known for being lax with enforcing the magic restrictions, something the church would surely hate.

I’m concerned Theo might have inadvertently made an enemy of Plumbeline. Or, like, driven her to do something rash. Like, we know he was just being a good guy but she was obv not in a good headspace in that moment. It wasn’t a bad move from him--if she’d reacted well it would have been a good relationship to have, but the dice just weren’t on his side.  

I’m concerned about what it will take before the children start thinking about the ~implications~ of their actions. Like, Jet airing royal laundry and declaring to not marry  in front of everybody and Liam not even trying to hide his Hunter’s Mark at Keradin? This is the Actions Have Consequences season! I keep saying that and I’m sure it’s gonna continue until someone dies! And speaking of.. 

Like...come on. It’s gotta happen, right? And the longer they murder-block Brennan, the worse it’s gonna be when it happens! And like...I realllllly wouldn’t want to be Liam right now. It occurs to me that this would be a good opportunity to throw Liam under the bus for Ruby’s sake. Not saying they SHOULD do it obviously or that they would--in fact they started doing the opposite immediately. But if my main thought was protecting Ruby, I would accuse Liam--son of the traitor who openly did magic at the royal tournament--of having done the magic on the road, and that clears Ruby and he’s a much easier scapegoat. 

Five Six More Things

Very funny that Ally basically only refers to Anabelle as, “the hot one”. Like that’s the only thing about her that stuck. 

Let’s say Plumbeline had won and put her name up for consideration. Do you think her dad would have named her over Amethar? Like, I’m sure Amethar would be fine with it seeing as he doesn’t really want the job but I dunno.

What would win? An intricately plotted assassination attempt or a level 1 spell and a disengage action? LOL, RIP Brennan. Truly, Brennan was thwarted at every turn this episode. Amethar running away alleviated the need for everyone to make some near impossible Perception checks. Theo Usain Bolting over and disarming Scravoya. Liam clocking the poison stopped Keradin from doing any funny business and narrowed their suspects to one instead of literally everyone on the field. Ruby grabbing the daggers made it clear what was going on and showed that they were the victims of an attack not whatever all that nonsense looked like out of context. If they had played this any differently, Amethar would probably be dead. And, at no point watching that do you get the sense that this was a planned story event they were meant to get through shaken but unscathed. Brennan was gunning for him (“Stop trying to kill my dad!/Stop having you dad be the king!/Fuck you!/Fuck you!”).

I think it is very endearing that Grissini, upon hearing that Jet needed help, immediately started to wildly flag down the Pontifex but, upon actually talking to the Pontifex later, was very formal and hesitant, showing that he really just dropped all his inhibitions and social graces to help Jet in that moment.  

What an INSANE thing to witness as an attendee of this tournament. Like, truly a year’s worth of drama within about 2 minutes. WILD. 

Emily and Siobhan have a quick conversation about whether Alfredi is working with the cheese bandits where Emily cites, “Pasta with cream sauce” as evidence and if this season’s plot twists occur in such a way that they can be retroactively tracked by something like “foods that go together,” I am going to scream. I am also fully prepared for this to be the case.

[mechagalaxy]

John T. Mainer: Unpopular Opinion Time

Unpopular Opinion Time

Word from your Bunny Samurai, live on the edge or surrender your blade.

I have been playing this game a long time. Before Faction War 1 there was a lot more dispersal of talent. The first time we all came together across clan lines, those who were of similar mind and power got to know each other, got used to working with each other, and very shortly in the period after Faction War 1 we saw the drifting of the elite players into elite formations.

Nothing really new, save in scope. The AFF, RND, Cyberstorm and the Brotherhood had all but sewn up their own divisions from time in memorial, but there had always been a mix on each team, a few champions in each clan who could go toe to toe with the elite clans and win some for the honour of the flag.

That changed. There were the haves and have nots. There were enough spreadsheet readers, tea leaf readers and ice cold entrail readers to judge to a fare thee well how to rig your clan to fall at the top end of the level bracket for your chosen division. A big group with elite players could decide to avoid a fair fight altogether and live on a solid died of guaranteed gold in every Clan War. Oh sure, once in a while someone would screw the whole thing by opting out for a round and some people would get a surprise and end bottom of the division they were avoiding, not top of the division they slept through winning every war, but by in large things have been so easy to predict that anyone with half a brain can call the gold and silver in the top half of the divisions on the day the divisions are announced.

It is good profit, we are mercenaries, its what we are here for right?

Not so much. It’s a game. I mean, heresy coming, just to warn you. The prizes are not real. The spenders, the free players, all know the value of a niode, but its not real, none of it. The niode isn’t a currency, its like a drink token.

When we started, that drink token was for premium whiskey. Now its about as strong as a Shirley Temple or at most a Mimosa or dealcoholized beer. What began as hunting bears with spears had turned into hunting seals with clubs. Not a glorious battle to memorialize in story and song, but a brutal harvest, a chore that largely amused only those who get off on pounding the helpless, or those who never met a lost cause they wouldn’t take up.

John James proposed a Snake Draft war, like his Myth and Legends ran for in house tourneys. Random draws producing teams of even strength to go at it head to head, and settle the war upon the field, not upon the spreadsheet. Some loved the idea, some who preferred to stack their decks so cold you had to crack the ice with white phosphorus just to deal did not.

Clans form along a lot of lines, one of which is equal commitment. That for some includes financial, as the spenders group together so they can get more bang for the buck, and so they can go into battle as plate mail clad Paladins wielding blazing magic two handed swords to cut down half naked kobolds armed with softwood clubs and bone headed spears. Great fun for the Paladin, not so much for the kobold.

Hard working clans have each of their specialist formations tuned. Some commit to a single specialty, and keep it tough enough to give even the mightiest spender pause. They work hard to contribute to their clans success investing time energy and effort as opposed to huge dollars, but its an investment equally as dear to them.

The objection of both groups is, they don’t want to be paired with a clan full of inactive players who have Viper Lasers on their Fext, a Magnus running Crayon cockpit over Grizzly engines, who haven’t figured out if you are defending as a Red Ant you can switch lineups to attack, and spend all war splashing their Red Ants against Corsairs.

The spectre is raised about sabotage, especially when two teams randomly get the same player’s main and his known alt. Literally, he is playing both sides and can throw the match if he or she wants to pout and throw a temper tantrum. These are all valid concerns, and should be addressed.

And yet….

We took up this game to compete. To test ourselves. We step into King of the Mountain, join Clan Wars because we want to FIGHT. Yes we want to win, but we want to win by crossing blades with another champion and see them fall before you. We want the trophy, the shiny niode prizes, but we don’t want them Fedexed to us while we nap, we want to rip them off the fallen mecha of our foe, with the arm that still works, through a canopy grazed with damage and fire alarms sounding in the background. We want to win, but we want to have to FIGHT for it.

Live on the edge or surrender your blade. Do you want to load for bear and face the bear, or load for bear and go club some baby seals instead?

Just for one war, surrender yourself to fate. Draw steel with whomever fate places beside you and do battle, on even terms against a foe you don’t get to choose for once. For one war, not to be Warlock or Bunny, but Junkyard Dog, or Murder Penguin; a clan of no history but what you write this day, no future but what you carve tomorrow.

Smurfs and Bunnies, Myth and Legends, we have talked about this in Faction Chat every Faction War since 1, and in our Clan chats afterwards. We don’t look at this as a betrayal of our clan loyalty, but a renewal of the game.

Not for a moment giving up all we built in terms of clans and alliances for all time, but for one war, for one brief shining instant, to face this game like we did at level one, like we do in the new universes before anyone draws a credit card or power levels to infinity and beyond; an unknown battle. A battle where each foe may be stronger, weaker, equal, but you can’t tell until the trigger is pulled and lasers flash beneath the con trails of missile salvos.

Those niodes, those little drink tokens we all fight for started to taste less like tang and more like tequila again. We might get great team mates, we might get a bunch of pouty mcwhiner babies. Might face anything up to and including my wife (sorry dear, but this is for gold).

This will give those people who never got to be in the old boys member only clubs and clans a taste of the big leagues, will give the campers who have been lurking in divisions where they are twice to three times the average and seal hunting not fighting, a taste of what a battle of equals was like. This will give those who have been sucking plastic so long they got fined for too many plastic medals in their plastic recycling bin on garbage day the chance to be in the big medal fight.

This will breathe life into the game, colour back into the canvass we all paint with our victories, if you have the balls, ovaries, or actuators to embrace it. Dare the unknown. Take up the fight, ride the winds of fate and battle beside whomever lands beside you, for honour, for glory, and for the sheer fun of the game.

Dare. We are keyboard samurai, console warriors. Live on the edge or surrender your blade.

Special thanks to Jam Albores and Huijari Peli, Christine Mainer, and John James for the times then and now we have all ranted and raved about this.

John T Mainer 28840

[myroph]

Chikiting Barney Causes Pandemonium, 3-0

Rain | MyRO Writers Pool Division

 An octet of warriors braves the pitch

To defeat and conquer the acts of a witch

Acid and bullets rip foes to shreds

Flame-tongued scale skins sit atop their heads

Following last month’s win-by-default, the young soldiers from the Quaint Garden finally redeemed themselves by facing Mid Payon’s Pan, removing every trace of their existence in the trans war map. As Chikiting Barney, September 2018’s Transcendent MyRO War Masters, successfully defended their crown, a 2-peat status now applies to their reign.

“Napabili ako bigla ng Sleipnir,” bouncy Professor Valiant Lakeland revealed when asked what could’ve have been the most exciting thing that happened during the war. “Ayaw kasi mag no cast kapag naka-Var ako.” A roar of laughter erupted from her teammates. 

Without further delay, the Chikitings wasted no time beating around the bush. Round 1 was instantly swooped by the purple dinosaurs, earning themselves the upper hand of 1-0. “Score agad para naman may morale boost kami, tsaka para na rin less pressure,” Maestro Yunan Lore quipped.

Rounds 2 and 3 were an apparent recurrence of the first match as the Hugelians effortlessly dominated the Trans MWM scene. Barrages of Acid Bombs and Torrents of Rapid Showers demolished Pan, causing them to forfeit their entry at the end of the third round into what looked like a match with a lost cause.

As Chikiting Barney got awarded for the second time around, the members of the team were at their utmost elation, but Creator Nicholei Flamel expressed his deepest gratitude to his team members for they couldn’t achieve what they’d just done without one another’s help. “Thank you sa teammates ko. Lahat tayo MVP kasi may sari-sarili naman tayong roles. Thank you, next month ulit!”

For their efforts of winning the tourney, the posse was awarded with 160 pieces of +10 foods, 16 pieces of megaphones, 50 proofs of donation, and another month-long honor of wearing the copper dragons. 

And now, let’s hear it for our champs!

Nicholei Flamel [Biochemist]

Hi, Right Geffen! /lv Hi din kay Bry!

Valiant Lakeland [Scholar]

Grabe bumili pa ako ng Sleipnir! I love rice!

xlxlxlxlxlxXxlxlxlxlxlx [Gunslinger]

~TY SA PAGHUGOT ~HI YUNOOBS - KEL-BAL-CHET-AI-ATIH ARIANA-ATIH YANA-MOMMY MAKEE ❤

Shakespierre [High Wizard]

Hi sa mga talong at patatas! 

brxx [Paladin]

Magaangas pero hindi iiyak!

Yunan Lore [Maestro]

Good game sa lahat!

Desmond Doss [Lord Knight]

Maraming salamat po sa chance na makalaro ako. Salamat po sa mga fellow players ko.

Rien Shadowflash [Assassin Cross]

Maraming salamat sa mga kakampi. Sana sa susunod na buwan ay pagtiwalaan ulit na makasali sa Trans MWM.

 Ave, Chikiting Barney, 2-peat Transcendent MyRO War Masters for September 2018! Will they again successfully defend their crowns from their rivals, and receive a grandslam award, or will Pan rise from the ashes of defeat and make their rightful comeback? Tune in next month!

[paladin-tourney]

Round 1, Side A - Geralt of Rivia (The Witcher) vs. Your D&D Character (Dungeons and Dragons)

Propaganda:

Geralt of Rivia (The Witcher)

No propaganda submitted.

Your D&D Character (Dungeons and Dragons)

I just think it would be fun to pit various specific paladins against paladins voters have played in D&D (or other RPGs). Well, probably specific *paladin*...I don't see this entry getting very far...

[paladin-tourney]

Round 1, Side B - Dame Aylin (Baldur's Gate 3) vs. Link (The Legend of Zelda)

Propaganda:

Dame Aylin (Baldur's Gate 3)

brutally kills a power hungry asshole trying to enslave her -Extremely devoted to her gf - i want her to throw me like a football

Link (The Legend of Zelda)

He's literally a royal knight on a quest to save the princess. I don't know how you get any more paladin than that. Just ignore the fact that he canonically ate a rock once and spends a good portion of his time swimming in dirty pond water.

[paladin-tourney]

Round 1 Side B - Rory Williams (Doctor Who) vs. Xenk (D&D: Honor Among Thieves)

Propaganda:

Rory Williams (Doctor Who)

protects one sci fi bullshit object for thousands and thousands of years because he loves his wife. transgender (to ME). cmonnnnn. he wears the roman centurion armor and everything!

Xenk (D&D: Honor Among Thieves)

He is literally a paladin. Also gay and autism <3

[paladin-tourney]

Round 1, Side A - Diana (Magical Warrior Diamond Heart) vs. Reepicheep (The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis)

Propaganda:

Diana (Magical Warrior Diamond Heart)

Gay cat who wants to protect their Princess

Reepicheep (The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis)

No propaganda submitted.

[paladin-tourney]

Round 1, Side B - Undyne the Undying (Undertale) vs. Optimus Prime (Transformers)

Propaganda:

Undyne the Undying (Undertale)

“Right now everyone in the world… I can feel their hearts beating as one… And we all have ONE goal. To defeat YOU. Human. No, WHATEVER you are. For the sake of the whole world… I, UNDYNE, will strike you down!”

Optimus Prime (Transformers)

He’s the leader and super loyal to the autobots. He’s a kind and wise leader and is willing to sacrifice himself for others.

[paladin-tourney]

Round 1, Side B - Aragorn (Lord of the Rings/The Tolkien Legendarium) vs. Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)

Propaganda:

Aragorn (Lord of the Rings/The Tolkien Legendarium)

Aragorn’s character serves as one of the more immediate progenitors of the Paladin as we understand them, along with rangers as well. For perhaps the most beloved fantasy of the modern era, he brings me of the traits we associate with paladins, being a passionate errant force for good wielding a blade of fire and light against the forces of darkness. Beyond that, he’s by all accounts a moral, charismatic stand out character in a great work full of them, but perhaps most importantly, though he is the king, he is not someone who demands attention as the hero of the story, but is kind and considerate as well as brave in his actions. Lord of the Rings as a work is the source of much of the fantasy tropes and character concepts we still use today, but as much as we like to tweak or subvert them, the classic remains a classic for a reason. I submit Aragorn for the Paladin Tournament.

Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)

He’s fiercely loyal to the people he loves, and there’s an oath he made with his childhood best friend that he is very determined to fulfill or die trying. Other things about him: he’s a feminist, he’s extremely petty, he’s a 19 year old alcoholic, he’s suicidal, hes gonna be the worlds greatest swordsman with three swords up his ass, hes literally just some guy, hes the one piece equivalent of tony hawk. hes even gay

Zoro's Oath, to never lose again, and promise to his childhood friend Kuina and his captain Monkey D. Luffy to become the World's Greatest Swordsman. He wields not one, not two, but Three Swords! That thrice more than what a traditional paladin would carry! He has showed religious simbology in his attacks, despite not actually praying to any God per se. Is mostly Buddhist things, likely because the author thinks it looks cool (he is correct). Zoro has a paladin-like aura that intimidates his enemies. Dude shows up not in shining armor, but covered in blood. And yeah, it's mostly HIS blood, but not for long. But the thing that can be seem most of a Paladin is in that he protects his crew, which on can see as a kingdom, the most loyal Knight to the future King of Pirates.

[paladin-tourney]

Round 1, Side B - wearepaladin (Tumblr) vs. Kibadda (Patapon 3)

Propaganda:

wearepaladin (Tumblr)

Tumblr's very own paladin. Brings the best paladin posts to everyone's dash.

Kibadda (Patapon 3)

Patapon is filled with a lot of cool looking knights, but I felt that Kibbada most closely resembled a classic paladin! Underneath that mask, Kibadda is just a little CREATURE :) Awesome looking horse

[paladin-tourney]

Round 1, Side A - Ricky Matsui (Dimension 20: The Unsleeping City) vs. Camilla Hect (The Locked Tomb by Tamsyn Muir)

Propaganda:

Ricky Matsui (Dimension 20: The Unsleeping City)

He's a paladin in an urban fantasy setting. He's a himbo. He's a firefighter. He was Mr. March on the firemen's calendar. His weapon is a blade that chooses heroes and it takes the form of a fire axe. He gets his power from his dedication to civic duty. He once swam miles because he somehow became aware that his friend's house was burning down. He is just an absolute delight of a man and an ideal paladin.

His explicit character concept is "what would a paladin-type oath look like in modern-day New York City" and it was executed WONDERFULLY. He's this firefighter who's just ENDLESSLY devoted to helping people. His paladin oath (its a dnd show so he's got the devotion subclass) is literally just him liking helping people so much that he gains incredible strength. And in the second season he finds his calling and switches from firefighting to working at a homeless shelter and maintains an identical level of golden retriever-esque devotion to his work. He's a delight and I Love Him.

Camilla Hect (The Locked Tomb by Tamsyn Muir)

She will protect Palamedes Sextus until the end. She learned two swords instead of one because it's more efficient. She is devotion made a person. He died, and she carried him. He gambled, and she covered his bet. She kept the faith, and was the instrument of both his vengeance and his grace. She will always know him.

[paladin-tourney]

Round 1, Side A - Aurora (Lady Knight (Webcomic)) vs. Dave Strider (Homestuck)

Propaganda:

Aurora (Lady Knight (Webcomic))

No propaganda submitted.

Dave Strider (Homestuck)

hes a fucking knight

[paladin-tourney]

Round 1, Side A - D'Arce (Fear and Hunger) vs. Paksenarrion (The Deed of Paksemarrion by Elizabeth Moon)

Propaganda:

D'Arce (Fear and Hunger)

her hair is dumb and i like that

Paksenarrion (The Deed of Paksenarrion)

First of, she is literally a paladin. She starts out as a shepherd's daughter and then goes on to join a mercenary company and eventually becomes a paladin. She fights cultists and various monsters over her journeys and eventually disappears. Not too clear on the details because I haven't read the books for awhile. Unrelated to her paladin accomplishments, she is canonically aroace (:

Pakse is *the* Paladin ideal - she's got the touch of the gods, the sense of evil, the divine mount and beyond all that, hell even when she doesn't have any of those things yet, she's so damn good. Virtuous to a fault.

[paladin-tourney]

Round 1, Side B - Galaad (Chivalry by Neil Gaiman) vs. Artix von Krieger (Dragonfable)

Propaganda:

Galaad (Chivalry by Neil Gaiman)

No propaganda submitted.

Artix von Krieger (Dragonfable)

Dedicated to killing the undead and part of a paled in order! Light aligned. Enjoys killing the undead so much he lives in doomwood, in a necropolis, surrounded by monsters.