#Peggy Ledger

[endless-ineffabilities]

The Bolter (part five)

Steve Rogers x f!reader / (Bucky Barnes x f!reader)

synopsis : Steve carries out his decision to return to Peggy, aiming to live out the rest of his days with her. But this means he's leaving everything behind - he's leaving you. Did he make the right choice? Will there be anything left with you to come back to?

in this chapter : In present day, the reader and Bucky get closer - will one of them finally slip up? We also see what happened in 2018, during the battle in Wakanda.

themes/warnings : pining, unrequited love, Bucky dealing with ptsd, brief mention of violence, language

word count : <2k

masterlist ▪︎ previous chapter ▪︎ next chapter

📝 a little bit of an explanation on the timeline : 2016 - Civil War ▪︎ 2017 - post Civil War / Steve and reader on the run ▪︎ early 2018 - Infinity War ▪︎ 2018 to 2023 - the lost years / post-snap ▪︎ late 2023 - Endgame / Steve's departure ▪︎ 2024 - present day / Falcon and the Winter Soldier period ▪︎ 1950s - where Steve went back

2024, seven months after Steve's departure

You win. Again.

By now, you're convinced Bucky is actually letting you win in Battleship. Each guess he made had been wrong, so it must be deliberate.

"James Buchanan Barnes," you sigh.

His lips form a sly smirk. He isn't even trying to deny it.

You reach across and lightly shove his non-vibranium arm. "It's no fun if there's no challenge."

He shrugs, "Maybe I like the way you react when you win. You get so... expressive." Another smirk. Damn him.

What could possibly be so amusing about the way you practically screeched and stuck your tongue at him the first time you won?

"Yeah, but you let me win four times in a row."

"Deal with it, doll."

"You suck."

He grimaces, "Suck?"

Right. You keep forgetting he is an very old, very ancient centenarian.

"It's an expression."

Something flashes across his face, and you can't really make out what it is. "Do you suck, too?"

"What?" you exclaim. "I just said it's an expression. It means you're annoying."

He holds your gaze for a moment, before laughing, eyes visibly crinkling at the corners. "I'm messing with you, doll. I know what that means. I'm old, not unaware."

Damn him again.

And damn the way the rare instances of his laughter is slowly growing to be a thing you yearn for. Bucky has a playful side, you've come to realize. You get this feeling of lightness, because you're proud of him. The more it comes out, the more it shows how much he has healed.

You blink at him, shaking your head, before bursting into laughter yourself.

Damn it all to hell.

It takes a beat for you to collect yourselves.

Then for a second, it's there. That fleeting shift in his expression. A pinch in his eyebrows giving way to a look of shame. Just for a moment, his mind drifts back to the long list of names in his notebook. To Yori's son. To the crimson in his ledger.

You notice, and you don't hesitate in taking his hand, squeezing gently. "Hey," you say, catching his attention. "I'm glad we get to do this."

I'm glad I have you.

Glancing down at your hand wrapped around his, he smiles, slowly, like a sun rising and casting its glow over the horizon.

"Let's play one more time," Bucky says as he begins rearranging the pieces on his side.

You were about to protest, but then he adds, "I won't let you win, I swear."

Fifteen minutes later, you do indeed win again. He laughs at the incredulous expression that must be plastered on your face.

You take it. Because maybe you did win, fair and square.

Or maybe because his laughter feels like winning.

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

The days have blurred into weeks and into months.

It feels like time is passing quickly, every second feels less and less like the lash of a whip, reminding Bucky of past pains. Of loss. Of all his sins.

Life almost feels normal. The kind of normal he is afforded in his life, at least.

Sessions with his court-mandated therapist. You. Dinners with Yori, desperately unable to tell him the truth. You. Sleepless nights, glimpses of his darkness haunting him. You. Sleepless nights, tempting images of you.

Behind all the laughter and the times you would spend playing Battleship on the floor of his barely furnished apartment, Bucky gets a sense of something gnawing at him. Something not unfamiliar, but unwelcome all the while.

It's fear. He has something to lose, once more. A friend or a kindred spirit. Whatever else you will find in each other. It's there and it's real, and it makes him feel like Bucky again.

He doesn't want to lose it, whatever it is. He's already lost Steve.

He's not going to lose you too.

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

early 2018, Infinity War

After you and Steve left the cabin, it's like the universe was sent a go-ahead signal of some sort.

The world slowly descended into chaos, and the Avengers were needed back into the fold.

Your group had to rush to Scotland to rescue Wanda and Vision. Then it was back to the Avengers compound.

"You think all is forgiven?" Senator Ross asked, the threat evident in his tone. "You think you can just walk back in here like nothing happened? Romanoff has been leading my team on some wild goose chase - "

Natasha merely scoffs, unamused.

" - and Huntress has been actively aiding and abetting her fellow fugitives around the globe."

You were about to say something snarky, but Steve had already taken a step forward, partially shielding you from Ross' view.

"We're not looking for forgiveness, and we're way past asking permission," Steve declared.

In that time, life became drastically different from your days in Alaska. You barely had a moment of repose, worried about the fate of the world.

But you found comfort in the blonde super soldier who was constantly hovering over you. His eyes would meet yours before a decision would be made. His hand sometimes pressed at the small of your back as you walked beside him. Time and again, you found him watching you, a silent question in his eyes. You'd nod back, I'm okay.

You didn't notice, but in one of those moments, Wanda had witnessed the exchange.

And she felt it. That something. Much like what she has with Vision.

But it just wasn't the right time.

It is a bit hard to face the truth that you might be in love when the whole world is burning.

"I guess this is our normal, after all," you wistfully remarked to him one evening, after everyone else had left. The plans were laid. You all were to go to Wakanda the next day.

Steve felt a sense of bitterness arising from him upon hearing your words. It really isn't fair. He has always done everything right, but he's losing count of how many joys he's had to sacrifice.

He lost everyone once. His mom, his sister, Bucky, his fellow soldiers, Dr. Erskine, Peggy. He'd buried himself in ice, only to wake up again in a world that wasn't his anymore.

What else does he have to lose, who else, before he is finally allowed to be happy?

His smile was pained when he replied, "I think I figured out the kind of normal I want."

Despite your exhaustion, you smiled back and curiously asked, "Oh yeah?"

Steve hopelessly tried to commit you to memory. The lilt in your voice, the shape of your lips. That undying spark in your eyes, which remained even when everything was cast in gloom.

Just in case he would wake up one day and find his whole world taken from him once more.

"Yeah," he finally said.

The world is ablaze, but he's grown used to it. He knew he would lay his life down on the line again if that means it would be saved.

But everything be damned, he allowed himself one selfish thought when he confessed, "We never should have left that cabin."

I'm in love with you, were the words caught in his throat. His heart screamed it, yearning to be heard.

And you did.

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

It was a cruel twist of fate. But Thanos deemed it destiny.

Was it always meant to happen? Were they always meant to lose?

Steve didn't know how long he stayed on the ground next to the pile of ashes that used to be his best friend.

Bucky was gone.

Steve barely heard the screams. Anguished voices calling out the names of their friends, still searching.

All that would have been unbearable. The sounds of distress enough to drive one mad. But Steve heard nothing. He had nothing.

It's not fair. Inside, he felt like that sickly kid who was always dealt the worst hand. It does feel like he's a kid again, petulant and angry. It's not fair, he thought over and over, I don't deserve this.

Bring Bucky back to me.

Maybe it was all his fault. Maybe if he never took that damned serum... maybe... maybe...

"Cap," he heard someone break him out of his haze. Rhodey stood to the side. "Steve," he repeated, pleading, but Steve still could not find the strength to get up.

Then from the distance, he heard Natasha calling out for you. He stumbled to his feet, his head spinning. Casting one last glance at the spot where Bucky vanished, he turned and started running.

He found Natasha immediately, but not you.

"Where is she?" Steve growled, and his voice sounded rougher than he's ever heard before. Natasha would have recoiled in surprise, if she didn't possess nerves of steel.

"I'm looking," Natasha snapped impatiently. You would have been her loss too.

Steve felt as if he had already scoured through the whole field twice, his body threatening to just give in and crumble to the ground once more, as the hope of finding you dimmed.

Then he heard your faint voice, weak and weary, standing out among all the others.

"Steve?" There you stood, your face half-covered in dried blood and soot. "Did we lose?"

He swiveled around and took you in, a deep breath of helpless relief exiting his lungs. He was angry and defeated.

He wanted to throw Captain America to the wind, and surrender everything.

He wanted to hear his mother's voice singing to him again. This world is cruel, and he wanted to go back home.

But there you were.

There you were, and Steve knew he had not lost everything.

"How did it happen?" you asked as he approached. "Steve, what do we do? There must be something - "

His mouth crashes into yours with such bruising intensity that it makes you stumble backward, but his arms were quick to catch you.

He was right.

You never should have left that cabin.

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

2024, seven months after Steve's departure

The nightmare is different.

It's worse. Much worse.

Bucky bolts upright on the floor of his living room, having chosen to bypass the comfort of his bedroom. He thinks this is because he needs to keep his TV on in the background, something to muffle the noise in his mind late at night.

Another reason, one he hasn't confronted yet, is how comfort feels so foreign. It feels wrong, like he doesn't deserve it.

Perhaps that is why he can't find comfort even in his dreams.

It flashes before his eyes, like a broken montage.

It's almost the same every time. He's the Winter Soldier. He's on a mission. There are faces swarming around him, bodies either racing to attack or running away. But he doesn't see any of them. He doesn't feel anything as he makes every single one of them crumble.

But it's different this time. The Winter Soldier does not so much as falter or show any hesitation as he wraps his metal fingers around your windpipe.

The Winter Soldier coldly watches as you expire. Bucky helplessly watches, unable to stop as he loses everything.

Thankfully awake, in this world where he still has you, Bucky's chest feels like it's about to implode.

So much for being a superabled freak.

The clock reads 3:13. It's late, but he needs some air.

He walks for 10 minutes, aimlessly. Then for 20 more, his mind having made a decision on its own. He soon finds himself standing in front of a familiar brownstone building, where your apartment is situated on the top floor.

You don't seem confused when you answer the buzzer. It wouldn't be the first time he has shown up unannounced.

"Can't sleep either?" You're a welcome vision when you greet him at the door, cheeks flushed by the white wine you usually drink at these hours.

She's still here, Bucky reminds himself. The only comfort that he won't deny.

Instead of walking past you, straight into your apartment like he always does, he takes one step closer.

And then another.

He shuts the door behind him.

You watch him carefully, scanning his every movement. There's something here, something different. He takes another step and he has you pressed against the wall.

His eyes betray the storm of emotion brewing inside. He has to remind himself that you're here, and he has you.

"Bucky," you whisper, and it's all he needs.

He leans in and finally touches his lips to yours.

Read part six here ~

taglist (let me know if you wish to be added!) : @vicmc624 @littleliyah16 @babezawa @klammykayla @justsebstan @blue--ingenue @numblytemporary @bradshawass @delicious-xx @mrsevans90 @heartarianagran @tinystarfishgalaxy @kyoquixote @mochibochinochi @spngingerbread21 @zbeez-outlet @rena15 @raging-panda @marveldaydreamer @integers @torntaltos @imthebadguyyy @iidear @blackhawkfanatic @smhnxdiii

My emotions!!!!!! Hahahaha this chapter is a whole mess and so are our protagonists 🔪🫀

yes yes, expect that the next one is 18+ --- but I still won't say exactly with who --- maybe it's a trick? Maybe it's neither of them? Oh well, honestly some of you have got it bang on already 🤷🏻‍♀️

As always, I am keen to hear what you guys think!!

[russnightlife]

For those who need it: a full list of every name in Toast of London. Credit here:

Full list of character names from the Toast of London Universe:

Steven Toast

Jane Plough

Ray Purchase

Kenton Schweppes

Ed Hauser Black

Goodhouse

Cliff Promise

Clem Fandango

Kikini Bamalam

Beezuz Fafoon

Susan Random

Jemima Gina

Kika Brite

Acker Herron

Greta Cargo

Royce Coolidge

Mr Fasili

Ellen Toast

Mick Carriage

Howard Bugawitz

Martin Aynuss

Senna Poddington

Ricky Seasack

Derek Sibling

Danny Bear

Portia De Coogan

Thomas Ledger

Strawberry Wrathbone

Lord Fotheringham

Toby Hopkinson-Finch

Blair Toast

Commander Scott Gorham

Russel House

Chris Bread

Roy Highnock

Sookie Houseboat

Brooke Hooberman

Yvonne Wryly

Kate Kahn

Hamilton Meathouse

Poshdong Mingemuncher

Nick Swivney

Wendy Nook

Linda Praise

Warren Organ

Thumper

Lola

Paige

Ruby

Norris Flipjack

Duncan Clench

Bob Fennison

Mr. Cockatip

Ken Suggestion

Penny Traitor

Dennis Thwaits

Betty Pimples

Axel Jacklin

Basil Jet

Parker Pipe

Kerry Hammersnag

Sterling Porridge

Max Gland

Lindy Makehouse

Colin Skittles

Jackie Paper

Honeysuckle

Francis Bacon

Lorna Wynde

Una Length

Rob Continental

Sue Pressure

Peggy Plywood

Scott Chesnut

Penvelope

Rupert Howser Black

Col. Gonville Toast

Clancy Moped

Vic Titball

Pookie Hook

Bob Monkhouse

Larry Muggins

Dennis Fog

Derek Bildings

Shane Fulorgy

Frank Zammer

Ormand Sacker

Varity Map

Bill Purchase

Tony Excalibur

Champion House

Cocker Boo

Michael Prance

Church Weaver

Heathcote Pursuit

Kay Tightneck

Iqbal Achieve

Basil Watchfair

Nan Slack

Peanut Whistle

Dick Weerdly

Sal Commotion

Giuseppe Race

Howard Blackcap

Daz Klondike

Kai

Sola Mirrornek

Sue Pepkins

Neil Doobla-Decca

Des Wigwam

Dr Harold Shitman

Les Tipi

Chris Marquee

Rob Scouthut

Russ Nightlife

Kenny Ethnic

Hercule Razamataz

Ray Sober

Romley Compton

Dwight Difference

Billy Tarzana

Nina Armenian

Edward Fox

Shepherd Jerbîl

Professor Map

Sonny Sam Disco

Weech Beacon

Liberty Jerbil

Ben Egyptian

Jennifyer Madraass

Snorky

Will Willis

Phyllis Willis

Carmen

Richard Chickentoss

Hoop Kaaak

Ms Wisehunt

Mrs Greenflash

Bellender Bojangles

Barney

Hayley

Blondie

Gypsy

Old Timer Bill

Wildcat Lil

Doc Brown

Rusty Halloween

Agent Saucepan

Sorry Johnson

Wallace

Kelsey Perfume

Frank Succession

Tycoon Lancaster

Jesus Bond

August Burdock

Clint Legal

Tony Fabrizio

Hawk Fahrenheit

Mews Frumpty

Frank Forfolk

Chelsea Bladdersby

Oswald Mosley

Kate Lethargy

Fancy Alexander

Dinky Critenbers

Pig Shovely

Billy Stylish

Sir Norman Brocktight

Basil Stillborn

Kimberly Banana

DI Leonard Chaffich

Una Stubbs

Surely Residue

Warren Organ

Hissy Oversight

Ms. Crawshaft

Merrody Ferrybank

Allan Chance

Doug Birka

Martin Shore

Lolly Badcock

Jill Quear

Vigo Typhoon

Danny Laroux

Cool Black

S’en hammerstad

Gerald Selfish

Peter Nose

David Geurring

Haneth khorishi

Baz Ravish

Enty Strepsils

Comma Dora Green

Vaginta Staples

Aalan Aadams

Harvey Motel

Peter Thatchelwaite

Ryslip Tyres Dot Com

Donald Suckling

Stuart Pringle

Susan Bench

Cliff Stalways

Billy Sprayman

Trevor McGuelish

Earnest Gangly

Sydney Shipton

Barry Bouffant

Drayton Curfew

Septum Crowbar

Dick Circus

Liz Pulp

Rob Darby

Vanessa Fence

Vince Kendal

Mac Darby

Sally Joint

Welk Ashby

Maggie Gail

David Hammod

Leo Seer

Kit Blackcheek

Jackie Kak

Howard Tissue

Albert Eichborn

Peter Swaff

Rob Bonnet

Perry Bluehouse

Lee Bacon

Connie Sheik

Cliff Bonanza

Rula Bingo

Oliver Whasson

Watkins Winchester

Warwick Kineer

Ruth Lingum

Adam Haalal

Lionel Harshmaker

Gary the Plumber

Royce

[yelenasdiary]

Especially when Alexei will also be in thunderbolts. It'd be stupid not to have a moment set aside for it. She went from being mind controlled to getting her sister and then losing her so quickly. Like she had no time at all to enjoy it. I'd loved to see her and nat going around freeing widows. That would have been a way for Nat to clear her ledger instead of just dying. They could have sent completely different people to get the soul stone. Hell, Steve would have been a better choice. Way better, ending for his character, then going back for stupid old peggy.

I totally agree! I think Alexei is going to be really good for Yelena now that Nat is gone, I mean, she's a daddy's girl lets me real lmao! She's always had a soft spot for him but even Melina is going to be good for her. I am glad she still has them & now has Kate who I think will be a really good friend for her.

This is why I actually don't ship Bishlova, simply because I think they are way better off as a friends. Don't get me wrong, I see how cute they would be as a couple but Yelena needs a friend like Kate. Somebody who is going to be there for her, make her laugh when she isn't in the mood and what not so introducing Kate to Yelena like they did was a really good idea

[afantasycourt]

independent multi muse rp account featuring a variety of muses from acotar, bridgerton, the witcher, marvel, and more. written by kel, 21+, she/her, uk based.

open starter tag

currently reading: fourth wing

rules & mules are under read more

MUSES.

bridgerton.

hyacinth bridgerton: florence hunt, danielle rose russell

sophie beckett: alexandra dowling

francesca bridgerton: ruby stokes, hannah dodd.

lucy abernathy: adelaide kane.

kate sharma: simone ashley.

daphne bridgerton: phoebe dynevor

edwina sharma: charithra chandran

penelope featherington: nicola coughlan

anthony bridgerton: johnathan bailey

benedict bridgerton: luke thompson

colin bridgerton: luke newton

violet ledger (bridgerton) - ruth gemmell, connie jenkins

lady danbury - arsema thomas

queen charlotte - india ria amarteifio

a court of thorns & roses.

nesta acheron - phoebe tonkin

elain archeron - lily james

feyre archeron - freya allan

rhysand - undecided

throne of glass.

yrene towers - zendaya

elide lochan - danielle campbell

aelin galathynius - skylar samuels

dorian havilliard - matthew daddario

rowan whitehorn - henry cavill

the witcher.

jaskier - joey batey

yennefer of vengerberg - anya chalotra

cirilla of cintra - freya allan

shadow & bone.

alina starkov - jessie li mei

stranger things.

chrissy cunningham - grace van dien

eddie munson - joseph quinn

nancy wheeler - natalia dyer

once upon a time.

emma swan - jennifer morrison

robyn mills - tiera skovbye

alice jones - rose reynolds

snow white - ginnifer goodwin

drizella/ivy tremaine - adelaide kane

the musketeers.

queen anne - alexandra dowling

constance - tamla kari

ninon de larroque - annabelle wallis

aramis - santiago cabrera

merlin/arthurian legends.

lancelot du lac - santiago cabrera

elaine of corbenic - undecided

lady morgana - katie mcgrath

guinevere - angel coulby

the chronicles of narnia.

lucy pevensie - georgie henley

susan pevensie - anna popplewell

wednesday.

wednesday addams - jenna ortega

enid sinclair - emma myers

downton abbey.

sybil crawley - jessica brown findlay

daisy mason - sophie mcshera

other.

hayley marshall - phoebe tonkin ( originals )

hope mikaelson - danielle rose russell ( legacies )

rebecca mikaelson - claire holt ( originals )

freya mikaelson - riley voelkel ( originals )

amy pond - karen gillan ( doctor who )

yasmin khan - mandip gill ( doctor who )

morgan stark - katherine langford (marvel)

bucky barnes - sebastian stan (marvel).

peggy carter - hayley atwell (marvel)

rebecca barnes - tbd (marvel)

RULES

RULE ONE/OOC INFORMATION Hi, my name is Kel, I'm over 21+ and use the pronouns she/her. Time zone is GMT.For now, my blog will run on a queue as I'm busy with some real life stuff. But sometimes, I may come online for an hour or two, depending on my mood. Blog is selective, private and mutual only. Also OC, multi fandom and multi-muse friendly too.

 RULE TWO/THREADS AND REPLIES  Replies can take a while to reply to, but I am not ignoring anyone. Please message if I haven't replied within a month.The best way to begin threads are through sending ask memes. I will also post open starters and maybe the occasional starter call. Not really a plotting person either; prefer to go with the flow.

RULE THREE/TRIGGERS I don't really have any triggers. That being said I will tag other people's triggers the best I can, and if I don't feel free to send a message and let me know. Don't send anon hate either. We all make mistakes and can't remember everything. Regarding shipping, I'm open to anything really. That being said, don't force any ships on any of my characters. I'll just unfollow/block if it continues to happen.

RULE FOUR/ETIQUETTE I do not tolerate any forms of hate. Racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia and any other forms of hate are not tolerated on this blog and I don't want to see any of it on the dash. It's an immediate hard block if I see anything. Respect each other, it's not that hard.

RULE FIVE/SHIPPING. Regarding shipping, I'm open to anything really. That being said, don't force any ships on any of my characters. I'll just unfollow/block if it continues to happen. I mostly ship for chemistry, but don't mind discussing ships beforehand if anyone wants to try anything out.

RULE SIX/SMUT AND MATURE THEMES Smut will not be featured on this blog. All other mature themes will be tagged accordingly and I'm pretty much open to anything except rape, incest etc.

CREDIT All gifs, icons etc on this blog do not belong to me. Credit goes to their rightful owners.

[readingforsanity]

The Secret Book of Flora Lea | Patti Callahan Henry | Published 2023 | *SPOILERS*

When a woman discovers a rare book that has connections to her past, long-held secrets about her missing sister and their childhood spend in the English countryside during World War II are revealed.

In the war-torn London of 1939, 14-year-old Hazel and 5-year-old Flora are evacuated to a rural village to escape the horrors of the Second World War. Living with the kindle Bridie Aberdeen and her teenage son, Harry, in a charming stone cottage along the River Thames, Hazel fills their days with walks and games to distract her young sister, including one that she creates for her sister and her sister alone - a fairy tale about a magical land, a secret place they can escape to that is all their own.

But the unthinkable happens when young Flora suddenly vanishes while playing near the banks of the river. Shattered, Hazel blames herself for her sister's disappearance, and she carries that guilt into adulthood as a private burden she feels she deserves.

Twenty years later, Hazel is in London, ready to move on from her job at a cozy rare bookstore to a career at Sotheby's. With a charming boyfriend and her elegantly timeworn Bloomsbury flat, Hazel's future seems determined. But her tidy life is turned upside down when she unwraps a package containing an illustrated book called Whisperwood and the River of Stars. Hazel never told a soul about the imaginary world she created just for Flora. Could this book hold the secrets to Flora's disappearance? Could it be a sign that her beloved sister is still alive after all these years?

As Hazel embarks on a feverish quest, revisiting long-dormant relationships and bravely opening wounds from her past, her career and future hang in the balance. An astonishing twist ultimately reveals the truth in this transporting and refreshingly original novel about the bond between sisters, the complications of conflicted love, and the enduring magic of storytelling.

Hazel and Flora Linden are 5 and 14 years old when they are removed from their home by the Britain government, telling parents all over that it is best and safest to send their children to smaller towns in the countryside to avoid the ravages of war. WWII is happening all over Europe, and so Camellia Linden sends her children off to the countryside of Oxfordshire, where they billet with a single mother, Bridie and her 14 year old son, Harry.

They live there with the Aberdeen's for a year as the war rages on around them. They meet new friends, and begin to love their life. Flora, being so young, doesn't quite understand why they needed to leave, so Hazel had adapted a fairy tale world, just for the two of them, to escape to when they need it, a magical land called Whisperwood. But, when Flora disappears, believed to have drowned in the River Thames, Hazel understands that Flora was looking for Whisperwood in real life without her, and Hazel believes that Flora did so because Hazel had left her alone while she and Harry kissed nearby in a hollow part of an oak tree. Hazel is upset, and swears to never see the Aberdeen's again.

As an adult, Hazel has majored in literature, and works for a rare bookshop called Hogan's. She has never stopped looking for Flora, and she believes that she is still out there somewhere. Hazel has even kept in touch with the police inspector who worked Flora's disappearance all those years ago. For 20 years, Hazel has never stopped searching.

On what was supposed to be her last day of work at Hogan's, having accepted a job at a larger rare bookshop called Sotheby's, she has preparing to log new books into the ledger when she comes across a fairytale written by a young American author named Peggy Andrews, called Whisperwood and the River of Stars. This stops Hazel in her tracks, as it is her story. Without thinking or hesitation, Hazel slips the parcel inside of her bag and returns home, looking through the book for any details that her sister was alive. While much of the story is changed, Hazel begins to wonder if this Peggy Andrews could possibly be Flora, having somehow made it to America and has turned their story into a real fairy tale for all the world to see.

Hazel gets in touch with the publisher, who refuses to give out any details about Peggy so Hazel can reach out to her, but on the illustrations that came with the book is the number and address for Peggy. Hazel calls and explains why she is contacting her, going so far as to give her her return number but Peggy doesn't believe a word of this, as she was always told that it was her and her mother's story, told to her after the death of her father at Pearl Harbor in order to keep her calm.

Peggy finds solace in her friend and neighbor, Wren, who tells her that it is okay to question why this woman has reached out to her, to not trust what her mother believes to be some crazy stalker coming up with stories claiming the story of Whisperwood belongs to her. When Wren comes up with the idea that they should travel to London in order to meet Hazel, against her better judgement, Peggy agrees and the two whisk off to London.

On the day that Hazel and her boyfriend of a few years, Barnaby, are meant to leave for Paris, Kelty, her closest and dearest friend arrives with a telegram that tells her that Peggy is in London, and would like to meet with her the next day. Leaving an angry Barnaby behind, Hazel returns home to prepare for the meeting with the American author, in hopes that Peggy will show up and be Flora, having been gone for nearly 20 years to return to them.

But when they do meet up with Peggy, she isn't Flora. Her mother soon arrives, having followed Wren and Peggy to London in the hopes of protecting her daughter from the truth. But when Camellia appeals to her as a mother, Mrs. Andrews, tells the truth: her sister had been sent to London to work as a babysitter and teacher for children who had been taken away during Operation Pied Piper. Whisperwood was told to her from a child, and she returned to America with that story and told it to Mrs. Andrews and her daughter, Peggy, in order to help with the loss of her father too soon.

Peggy wishes to be of more help, but is also damaged by what her mother and aunt had done to the poor family standing before them. However, she forgives her mother, who becomes much more accepting of Wren and that Peggy has her own life to live as well.

Hazel returns to Binsey, finally accepting that she needs to speak to a reporter by the name of Dorothy Bellamy in order to help track down more information. Hazel had been avoiding Ms. Belllamy, who was trying to reach out to her in order to write an article about the River Child, Flora, as she had done on countless other stories of the children of Pied Piper. Dorothy agrees to meet Hazel in Binsey, and when she arrives, Hazel realizes that the person she was avoiding for so long is in fact her long lost sister.

Dorothy, who goes by Dot, is shocked to learn this news, but it becomes apparent that it is true, that she is in fact the lost child of Operation Pied Piper. A story she was chasing for so long was because she felt a deep connection to it, but didn't understand why. Camellia also comes to Binsey, and instantly recognizes Dot as Flora.

They ultimately learn the truth: an American nurse, by the name of Imogene Wright, saw Flora that day all alone at the river's edge, spooked her so that she fell into the river and was able to save her. Believing that she could protect her better than Hazel and Bridie could, hid her away inside of a hidden room in the church before taking her to live with her sister, who had recently lost a daughter to consumption. Imogene then became Dot's aunt, whom Dot adored, but as it turns out, she ultimately ruined a lot of lives. Imogene is arrested for the crime and will stand trial for what she had done.

Dot begins to reconcile her old life with her new one, but she won't hurt another family because of someone else's mistake. Though she does begin to have a relationship with her sister and mother. Hazel eventually returns to work at Hogan's, before eventually moving to St. Ives with Harry, who is now her husband and the father of her unborn child. They are opening up their own rare bookstore where their able to create original illustrations for books. Peggy and Wren attend the grandopening, informing everyone that they are now engaged. It is a happy ending for what had been a terrible nightmare that spanned over the last 20 years.

Discussion Questions

Hazel and Flora Lea's childhood experience was inspired by Operation Pied Piper - a real life event in British WWII history in which over three million children were evacuated from their homes to live with volunteer families throughout the English countryside. Were you familiar with this piece of history prior to reading the novel? It has been quite some time since I was in any sort of history classes, so I do not recall ever learning about this, although I'm sure that I have heard of it at least from at some point in my past. However, for the sake of the question, I enjoyed not recalling the story as this led to more of a shock value seeing it/reading it for the first time as I couldn't imagine what those poor families went through to be told that it was best to send their children away to billet with other families, some of whom may not have been good people like the woman who chose to billet Kelty.

Hazel takes great care of the rare books while employed at Hogan's Bookshop, wearing white gloves and logging items meticulously. IN passing, the owner, Edwin, has mentioned the enormous value original illustrations can add to a book. What is revealed about Hazel's character in the decision to take the copy of Whisperwood and the River of Stars along with the illustrations? What about when her initial denial of taking them is factored in? I don't think her rash decision to take the copy of Whisperwood says anything of her character. She saw something that rightfully belonged to her and her sister, and made a terrible judgement call, of which she eventually opened up and confessed was her doing just the following day. Her first denial of taking them was her hope that she could come up with some answers before returning them. But her relationship with Edwin and the store itself, showed that they still trusted her despite her horrible judgement in that moment.

When Hazel makes the phone call to Peggy Andrews seeking information about the book, she gets an unexpected answer about the origin of Whisperwood and the River of Stars. What does this broadly say about the creation of storytelling and mythmaking? Can someone ever own a story? Oh yes, someone can own a story. It's why there is a thing called plagiarism. However, Hazel never did anything with Whisperwood in order to fully claim the story, she even says that she doesn't want to claim it as her own to Peggy when it is believed she is wanting to take the story back; she only wanted to find her sister. But, the ability for the story to be twisted into something different is the magic about storytelling. While the written story can't be taken away, the vision of the story can be twisted in order to create an entire new story with similar aspects. It has happened before in novels.

Bridie Aberdeen, as a character, is presented as extremely warm and nurturing yet with some eccentricities. The town gossips about her practices and the mysterious disappearance of Henry's father. What was your first impression of Bridie? Did that change at any point during the book? My impression of Bridie never changed; she was put in a very difficult position, having to bring in two more mouths to feed during a very scary war time. While she originally wanted to bring in a male child to help out in the fields around her home, she instead chose to bring the two sisters home with her, and she loved and cared for them like they were her own children. In order to protect her own child, she let the town believe that she was a witch of sorts, though I don't think anyone truly believed this either.

Hazel and Flora's mother had several opportunities to take her daughters back to London but ultimately made the decision that they were safer and better served in Binsey with Bridie and Henry. Do you have a positive or negative opinion of their mother? Would you have made a different choice? Camellia was only doing what the government had told her was the best thing to do. Take for example Kelty and her mother. Kelty's mother sent her away to protect her, though this led to Kelty living with a terrible person and she went back to London, where eventually the threat of war made its way to them and Kelty's mother passed away. I don't feel negatively toward any of the parents who were doing what they thought was best; if I had been in this situation, especially during uncertain times like that, I would have done the same thing to protect them.

Only through an honest conversation years after the fact do Hazel and Henry discover their shared guilt over what happened to Flora. Would that silence have lasted as long if Hazel and Henry were older when Flora first disappeared? (Henry should read Harry...not sure if this was my fault or the question was written wrong). I don't think so - I think it would have lasted even if they had been older when it happened. Hazel's reaction would have been the same.

Barnaby is supportive of Hazel's desire to reach out to Peggy Andrews and even encourages to get in touch with Dorothy Bellamy, thinking a reporter may be able to help, yet he eventually struggles with Hazel's never-ending quest and its effect on their relationship. Does Barnaby's ultimatum change your view of the character? Did Hazel take her quest too far? I didn't really care for Barnaby since his first appearance in the book. While the two of them had agreed together that they weren't ready for marriage, especially after the death of his own child and the dissolution of his first marriage, he just seemed a bit too...bougie, for lack of a better word. They didn't seem to fit together; they were too different in the end. And in my opinion, Hazel did exactly what she felt was the right thing to do. She wanted answers, and she received them in the end.

How did you feel about the reveal of Dorothy Bellamy's past? Did Dorothy's Aunt Imogene have justification in her decision to remove the child the way she did? There is never any justification for kidnapping a child. Unfortunately, she did have a mental health problem because of what she witnessed during her time in the war, but this still does not excuse what she did in the end. She ruined a family in order to save her own and give her sister the child that she had lost. In her mind, her intentions were good but in reality, it was not the right thing to do.

How do the specific time periods - WWII and 1960 - affect the way that the case of Flora's disappearance was handled? Would the outcome have been different if set in present day? When Flora first disappeared, the Blitz first happened and this overtook Flora's disappearance in the media. People had other things to worry about other than a child that had gone missing; entire families were being decimated during the war; men and women losing their lives daily. Plus, the resources back then were not like they are today, regardless of it being 1940 or 1960.

[ragunath12]

How do I recover my BEP-20 tokens sent to a non-BSC compatible wallet?

BEP-20 tokens to an unsupported wallet, you can recover the assets by adding the BNB Smart Chain network.

BEP-20 is a token standard on BSC (BNB Smart Chain, formerly Binance Smart Chain) that aims to extend ERC-20, the most common Ethereum token standard. Users can create a native asset as a BEP-20 token or even create copies of tokens from other blockchains to make them usable on the BNB Smart Chain. These are coins called “Peggy”, which are essentially BEP-20 versions of other crypto assets.

If a user sends BEP-20 tokens to other trading platforms through an unsupported network, the assets may not be received. We strongly recommend that you read the FAQ on How do I deposit or withdraw cryptocurrencies? before making a transfer.

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[arcadialedger]

Shoutout to all of my fellow “and Peggy”s in life.

You are heard and you are valid.

[katebishopofearth]

red. [a peggynat fanfic]

Fandom: Marvel / MCU / What If...? Pairings: peggynat Characters: Natasha Romanoff / Peggy Carter Rating: T Tags: blood and injury | first aid | captain peggy carter

written for day 5 of whumptober 2021. Yes I switched around days 5 and 6 what about it. I've got red in my ledger | betrayal | misunderstanding | broken nose

red.

Natasha crawls back home with a broken nose, a concussion, and a back full of glass. Her vision is red, black creeping in at the edges. She limps into her apartment and all but collapses face-first onto her couch. The glass shards shift in her skin and she clenches her jaw against a groan. Painfully she reaches into her pocket, pulls out her phone, and types out a text.

My place. Now.

She hits send, and deliberates before typing another message.

Please.

She swallows her pride and taps send, leaving a bloody thumbprint on her phone screen.

She’s not sure how long it takes, with her vision fading in and out and her tenuous grasp on consciousness slipping with each shallow breath. She’s only barely holding on with shaking fingers when Captain Peggy Carter climbs in through the window.

“What the blazes did you do to yourself?” Her crisp accent pulls Natasha back to consciousness.

“Hey, Cap.” She gives a wobbly smile through gritted teeth. “’S not so bad. Still in one piece.”

“If you call your skin in tatters and covered in blood in one piece," Peggy says reproachfully, her red lips twisting into a frown. If Natasha had the strength she would have reached over and smoothed out the deep furrow in her forehead.

The super soldier is already shrugging off her vintage jacket as she takes several long-legged strides into the apartment. “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”

Natasha isn’t capable of moving anyway. In the time it takes for Peggy to go into the bathroom, she’s more than halfway slipped into unconsciousness. She barely registers when Peggy cuts her top off and the cold air needles her torn back.

“Christ.” Peggy hisses when she sees the extent of Natasha’s injuries, the blood that soaked through her top still seeping from each wound.

Without warning she presses alcohol into the cuts. Natasha’s back is on fire and she snaps fully to consciousness with a sharp inhale. The sudden breath through her broken nose brings a different, bracing kind of pain, making her world swim deep red. But she doesn’t make another noise. She’s suffered worse injuries, and had less help with treating them, too.

Peggy methodically removes shards with tweezers wielded in a large hand, and the silence is punctuated by the plink of glass shards dropping into a bowl, droplets of blood splattering across white porcelain.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Her voice is low, like a calm before a storm.

Natasha forces her fuzzy brain to retrace her steps, starting from the moment she crash-landed on a car, to when she fell out a window, all the way back to... “My informant. He sold me out. The Triad was waiting... to kill me.” She breathes in through her mouth, and the clean air fills her lungs and dulls the pain in her back. “I took a shortcut down from the sixth floor.”

“Damn." There’s admiration in Peggy’s voice, which means something because she’s Captain Carter, the world’s first super soldier. Natasha isn’t clear-headed enough to unpack what it means, though. But it’s. Something.

[continue on AO3[

[90sagony]

#36 Domestic studies

Lords of Dogtown (2005)

[weclassygirl]

Endgame gave us everything we wanted, but also took everything from us.

[ghoststorytm-a-blog]

tag drop pt 2

Associates:

↥↦↧ just a kid from brooklyn // steve rogers / captain america

↥↦↧ i hate you // sam wilson / falcon

↥↦↧ thunderstruck // thor

↥↦↧ iron genius // tony stark / iron man

↥↦↧ red lips and bullets // peggy carter

↥↦↧ i have a parasite // eddie brock / venom

↥↦↧  you have a metal arm // peter parker / spiderman

↥↦↧ we have a hulk // bruce banner / hulk

↥↦↧ trickster god // loki

↥↦↧ the wizard // steven strange

↥↦↧ red in her ledger // natasha romanov / black widow

↥↦↧ don’t scare me colonizer // shuri

↥↦↧ man in the cat suit // t’challa / black panther

↥↦↧ control your fear // wanda maximoff / scarlet witch

↥↦↧ i was born yesterday // vision

↥↦↧ were fighting robots and i have a bow and arrow // clint barton / hawkeye

[nocturne-pisces]

TELL ME THE ENDING

The ending I would have chosen for Endgame?

Kill off Steve.

Now, before everyone jumps all the way down my throat- hear me out:

Tony successfully snaps everyone back to the correct reality, he dies from the wounds sustained while doing so. That part doesn't change.

After Tony's funeral they set up the smaller time jump machine and Steve says his goodbyes, having convinced both Bucky and Sam that he's going to return all the stones and then go back to live a life with Peggy, so seconds after Steve disappears, they look up the hill expecting to see Old Man Steve.

It's not him.

It's someone else with his shield.

Who is it?

Let's go deeper.

Steve successfully returns every single stone back to where and when it's supposed to go, saving the Soul Stone for last.

The premise of the Soul Stone is that it demands a sacrifice, it demands a penance before anything else. You have to give up something you love.

If we're following the MCU canon then Steve only ever really loved Bucky and opportunity he saw in a life with either of them (because I refuse to believe that he loved Peggy). He loved the concept of being able to live in a time where he didn't have to fight. Where he could have been a normal man.

He doesn't go back to Peggy.

He goes to Vormir.

He meets RedSkull at the edge of the cliff and with his sketchbook, writes his last will and testament, and letters to each of his best friends. Three letters to each of the people who have gotten him through the worst of it.

One letter is for Sam, bequeathing to him the shield, explaining that he has to take on the mantle of Captain America now and he wouldn't have it any other way. Thanking Sam for the chances he took on Steve when he needed someone to be on his side the most. Asks him to keep an eye on Bucky.

The second letter is to Bucky, explaining that he's sorry he lied, and that he hopes the reason that he did it is enough to bring Bucky peace. That he hopes Bucky finds someone like Peggy; strong and beautiful and willing to kick him in the ass when he needs it.

With his time worn and broken compass clutched to his chest, Steve gracefully falls backwards off the cliff.

He wakes up in the pocket dimension of the Soul Stone. A few feet away sits a fiery redhead. It's Natasha.

She's speechless, eyes streaming tears while he sits cross legged in front of her and explains that he's done fighting wars, he's done being a weapon, he doesn't want to go back to the forties just to watch everything happen again. Living through all of it once was enough.

He gives her the shield and the letters and tells her where to set the last time jump so she would arrive seconds after he left. Before she's returned to Vormir where she can time jump Steve tells her that her ledger is clean. All the red from it cleansed when she dove off the cliff to spare Clint's family.

When Bucky looks up the hill and gets Sam's attention it's not Old Man Steve they see, it's Nat's red halo. Standing next to the bench, watching the sun go down while the shield sits at her feet.

She gives Sam and Bucky their letters and then opens her own. Inside of it is two tickets to the next Dodgers game, 3 1$ bills, and note to take Bucky out, because redheads were always his type.

[wannabe-fic-writer]

Natasha Romanoff x Reader : Let’s Get Away

Summary: It’s due time for Natasha to take a break.

Genre: Fluff

Request: Yes / No

Word Count: 3,899

“ty mne ne doveryayesh’?” - “do you trust me?”

* * * * * *

The other side of the bed is cold when you wake up, void of the body that had been keeping you warm at night.

Sleepy eyes scan the room and even though you know she’s gone again, you still feel disappointed to find her combat suit missing from the closet. 

Knowing that your worry for her isn’t going to allow you to go back to sleep, you toss the covers away from your body and trudge out of bed. After brushing your teeth, you grab the first aid kit and head to the common room.

Two and a half cups of tea and a partially burnt bagel later, you hear the tell tale sound of Natasha coming home. 

Not only does FRIDAY announce her arrival, Natasha herself lets out a pain induced groan.

Having known your fiancé for more than ten years, you can even hear the difference in her footsteps, the way her feet shuffle across the floor instead of her usually confident strut. She’s exhausted, bruised and beaten, but not in the least bit ready to admit to needing a break. 

It’s dead silent between the two of you. 

Natasha was really hoping you’d still be asleep, most nights she’d been able to slip back into bed without you noticing, until you saw the fresh scars and bruises in the morning. 

Tonight is different though, and she can tell. In the way you quietly rise from the couch and walk over to her, the way you sigh when taking her hand in yours and seeing her newly bruised knuckles, the way you aren’t able to look her in the eyes even after you’ve pulled her to sit down and start to tend to her wounds.

Every touch is soft, some could say overly delicate. You touch her as if one wrong brush of the alcohol soaked cotton will hurt her or break her completely. You know it won’t, she’s the Black Widow for Christ sake, she’s had far worse injuries than these and her pain tolerance is high, that doesn’t stop you from being gentle with her.

Even though the atmosphere is tense, Natasha can’t help but to remember that this is exactly how you were with her when you’d begun to develop feelings for her. 

Being a medic at S.H.I.E.L.D since before she was recruited meant you weren’t new to dealing with the injuries of the agents that came through. When she was brought to you the first time, with a gunshot wound to her thigh, you were the perfect picture of calm, cool, and collected. While you weren’t aggressive or rough with her, there was a noticeable difference in her first visit and how you would later treat her.

Despite her incredible skill, Natasha ended up taking a lot of trips to the med bay, all of which lead to you two getting closer. Which in turn lead to the development of your feelings for each other. Each one, she felt you becoming softer with her, she started to see the worry in your eyes when she would come in. There was something about the way you treated her as if she wasn’t invincible that drew her to you, she was always the badass Black Widow to majority of the people she knew, it was a breath of fresh air to have someone treat her like she’s just Natasha. 

Natasha sighs heavily,“ I’m sorry.” She mumbles, but you hear it in the quiet of the compound. 

For a moment she thinks you’re pissed at her, what with the lack of a quick reply. In reality you’re just focusing on pulling the tiny shard of glass out of her knuckle, cleaning, and wrapping it. 

Once you’re done, you set everything you’d used to the side, opting out of painkillers since it won’t do much to her enhanced dna anyway. 

“What exactly are you apologizing for?” You ask softly, finally looking up into her eyes. It surprises you to see the amount of guilt in her eyes that you do. A frown forms on your face. 

“I-” she swallows, breathing heavily,“ I don’t mean to worry you so much.” That guilt in her eyes mixes with a troubled expression and it breaks your heart. 

“Then why keep going out there?” You turn to face her completely, legs folding as you play with your fingers.“ If you keep it up the NYPD are gonna be out of jobs.” You try to tease, hoping a little joke will take that look off her face.

God you hate seeing anything other than a smile on her face.

Natasha shakes her head and the tears that spring into her eyes after her prolonged silence takes your breath away.“ I don’t know what I am outside of being an Avenger,” she confesses. When a tear escapes, you reach up and swipe it away, leaving your thumb there to caress her cheek.“ There’s always been a mission, a threat, a purpose.”

Listening to the way she says it, you know what she actually means to say. She had a purpose. The fact that the Avengers dismantling has left her feeling so lost wasn’t something you knew. It affected her hugely. Tony and Clint both stepping away to be with their families, Thor switching over to the Guardians, Bruce going back to do whatever he had been doing after Thanos’ snap, and Steve choosing to go back to be with Peggy only to return and pass the Captain America mantle to Sam.

If you were in Natasha’s position there’s no way you wouldn’t be affected by that. Everyone was moving on, everyone seemed to have their purpose outside of the Avengers, everyone left her behind. 

You take a deep breath, tilting your head to catch her eyes,“ not knowing what to do is hard,” you see her shoulders drop at your words, as if she’s relieved to hear that you understand.“ But it doesn’t mean you don’t know who you are.”

That makes her freeze, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Her head tilts to draw her gaze from the floor to your face.

“Nat, honey, you were an Avenger. And I know what that means to you. But being an Avenger was only part of who you are.” A gentle smile forms on your lips at just the thought of how extraordinary this woman is.“ You’re a loyal friend, an incredible aunt, a hero,” she chuckles softly at that,“ and you are the most amazing fiancé.”

Soft green eyes bore into yours, tears brimming her eyes again but for a different reason all together.“ I love you so much.” She says, turning to press a kiss to your palm. 

Pulling your hand away, you open your arms to her and she happily obliges to your invitation for a cuddle. A grunt of pain escapes her when she twists to lay between your legs, her body freezing up for a second, before she nearly slumps into you. 

Her back presses into your front, your arms circling her waist. You press a soft, lingering kiss to her temple and she laces her fingers with yours, taking in a deep calming breath. 

“The last few years have been hectic, and even before all of that, it seemed like we never slowed down,” you tighten your hold on her,“ but right now, we don’t have those kinds of threats looming over our heads.”

“You’re saying I should stop.” 

With a frown, you shake your head and lean over to look her in the eye,“ no, god no. I told you, a hero is part of who you are. What kind of fiancé would I be if I told you to stop doing what you were meant to do? Not a very good one right?” She answers with a nod and a chuckle.“ nor would I be a good fiancé if I let you keep going without telling you to take a break.”

As if her body picks up on that phrase alone, a long, loud, yawn leaves her lips. You can’t help but smile at how cute she looks, her nose all scrunched, eyes shut. The second the yawn ends she blinks back the tired tears and snuggles closer. 

She says something but it’s muffled by another yawn and by the time that one ends, her eyes are shut, and she’s fast asleep. 

* * * * * *

When Natasha wakes up in the morning, she’s in bed and she’s alone. 

The emptiness of the space beside her does something to her heart and she can’t help but wonder if you got this feeling whenever you woke up and she was gone. 

Some of that guilt from last night creeps back up and she groans, turning to bury her face into your pillow. While your scent usually calms her down, now it only serves in reminding her of just how dumb she feels. 

You’ve always been the most understanding and loving with her, more than anyone she’s known. Just like last night proved, you’ve always known that saving people even though it put her in danger was what she was meant to do. You knew how important it was for her to clean her ledger, you even understood when she went to Russia for months to shut down the Red Room and make amends with her family. 

The second she came back you didn’t have to ask if she’d done what she set out to do, you could just tell and it translated through the following days. You took even greater care of her just to ensure that she was truly okay both physically and emotionally.

After all of that, after all you’ve done for her, she’s still making you worry by throwing herself into danger she doesn’t have to be involved in. Somehow you even understand that.

This time she groans, squeezing the pillow as frustrated tears pool in her eyes. 

“That does not sound like someone who’s having a good morning.” Your teasing voice hits Natasha’s ears and through her frustration she can’t help but roll her eyes. Then moving to sit up, resting her back against the headboard.“ Wh-what’s wrong? Does something hurt?”

You rush to her side, hands and eyes instantly starting to roam her body for any signs of injury worse than what you found last night. 

“I-I’m fine, physically.” That just makes your frown deepen.“ I just realized I’m the worst fiancé in the world.”

Figuring this has to do with last night, you climb over her legs and sit beside her.“ As your fiancé I think I’m the one to determine whether that’s true or not.” She raises an eyebrow at you and you know to drop all the teasing.“ Okay okay. Why do you feel that you’re the worst?”

“Aren’t you tired of me?” She turns to look at you directly.“ I’ve always been in danger and you’ve understood and now I’ve been blatantly throwing myself head first into danger and yet you still understand?”

You cock your head to the side with love in your eyes.“ I’m far from tired of you Romanoff. Am I fond of the idea of you being beaten up and shot at, no. But I love you and I know you’re more than capable of handling yourself. And I’m going to worry about you because that comes with loving you. You could work with puppies, or babies, or I don’t know what a safe job is, either way, I’d still worry about you.”

A sigh falls from her lips,“ that makes me feel a little better.”

“I know how you can make it up to me.” Hopeful eyes look back at you.“ Get your cute little ass out of bed, get ready, and meet me out front.” You smack a kiss to her cheek before hopping out of bed, leaving Natasha to watch you nearly bounce away in excitement. 

Curiosity is the main driving force in Natasha’s actions. She does in fact get out of bed, taking a much needed hot shower afterwards and changing into a pair black stretch pants and one of your sweatshirts.

The last thing she’s expecting when she meets you outside is to find you leaning against a very new looking silver sports car. It being a convertible allows her to see the red leather interior. 

“Is that my sweater?” You ask, brows pinched together with a finger pointed at her chest. 

“We’re getting married medovyy, what's yours is mine.” A sweet smile hits her lips. You weren’t going to ask her to change anyway cause you love seeing her in your clothes, but had you been considering it, that smile would’ve done you in.

Humming, you shake your head,“ that aside. Let’s go.” You reach back to grab the handle and pull the door open for your fiancé. 

“Go where?” She takes a hesitant step forward.

You smirk, reaching up to cup her cheek and ghost your lips over hers,“ ty mne ne doveryayesh'?” You whisper.

Dammit she’s a sucker for you speaking Russian. Had she known when you started learning in your first years of dating that it would become a weakness, she would’ve stopped you. You already had a hold on her, that just made it tighter.

It’s why she nods, seemingly in a trance. Only easing into the seat after you’ve given her a proper kiss.

The door shuts after her and you round the car, jumping over the door and into the driver’s seat. You look over at her,“ I’ve always wanted to do that.” You say giddily, before clicking your seatbelt into place.

With a shake of her head, she puts her seatbelt on as well, and gets comfortable in her seat.

“The final destination is a surprise, but you can know that we’re going to that little diner you love so much in Greenwich.”

She can’t help but smile at you. She couldn’t get more lucky if she tried. 

“One last thing,” you reach across her lap to the glove compartment, pulling it open and retrieving two pairs of sunglasses. Setting them in your lap, you lean towards her and reach up, fingers deftly combing the braid from her hair, and then you slip the glasses onto her face. 

Winking at her, you slip your own pair on and start the car. It purrs to life and right before you pull away from the compound, you flick the radio on. 

The quiet that settles over the two of you is full of contentment. Music plays softly as Natasha holds your free hand in hers, fingers occasionally playing with the engagement ring on your finger. 

That feeling remains as you open the door for her and escort her into the diner. You let her slide into the booth first and she takes your hand and tugs you down into the seat beside her. 

An amused smile plays on your lips that makes the redhead give you a look, her eyebrow raised at you.“ What?” She asks.

“Nothing I just-” you chuckle shortly,“ I remember a time when you’d only let me sit across from you. I could hold your hand but sitting next to you, that was a no. Wasn’t until a year after we made things official that you let me sit next to you. I couldn’t help but wonder if that meant I was special.”

Her finger presses into the side of your jaw and she gently turns your head to face her,“ you are special. Especially to me.” And then she kisses you so sweetly you think it might give you a cavity. 

Your breakfast date passes with flirty remarks, quietly spoken affections, and soft kisses between bites of food and sips of tea and coffee. After which you settle the bill and head back out to the convertible. 

The next destination is unknown to Natasha but, unlike usual, she finds herself excited about the unknown. It’s an odd feeling but she welcomes it, letting herself feel free of worrying about what’s next. And you revel in seeing her like that. 

Sending an occasional glance in her direction just to watch her long red tresses flow with the wind, to smile softly at the way she shuts her eyes and let’s the breeze caress her skin, and to chuckle when her hand raises to create a wave against the wind. 

More than ten years you’ve known her, majority of which you’ve had the privilege of calling her yours. If there’s one thing being with her has taught you, through every obstacle you two faced together be it arguing about if tea was better than coffee to the many many life threatening missions she’s been on, it’s that moments like these were precious. 

There’s never any way of telling when the next world or universe threatening event will occur, if it’ll be the one to take Natasha away from you, so it became abundantly important that you get these chances to bask in being with her. 

Your thoughts lead you to subconsciously taking her hand in yours, raising it to press your lips against the back.

Natasha smiles. She swears your lips feel like rose petals. Nothing compares to your kisses. 

“I love you,” you say blissfully. 

Nothing except that.

“I love you too,” she squeezes your hand. 

The look of excitement that lights across your face makes her eyebrows raise. It’s not the same as the usual look you get when hearing her say those words, your expression is usually softer. Which is why she follows your line of sight when you look away from her.

Her eyes are met with the view of a beautiful lake house and she quickly snaps her gaze back to you. 

“You’ve given the NYPD a break these past couple of months, I think you’re in need of one.” A wink finishes your statement and she surges forward, hands on your face to pull you into a searing kiss. It expresses her love for you more than words ever could.

With the cutest most beautiful smile you’ve ever laid eyes on, she throws her door open and excitedly tells you to come on. And you’re more than happy to follow. 

Leaving the bags you secretly packed in the trunk, you accept Natasha’s outstretched hand, and allow her to guide you around the grounds. 

The view of the lake and everything beyond looks even better than the pictures let on. For a last minute trip to Jersey, this was considerably good.

Despite how tempting it is to stroll down the dock and hold Natasha in your arms like the clichés you read about, you save that for later, instead following the still curiously excited redhead towards the house. 

In one action you scoop your fiancé up into your arms after having unlocked the back door. Her arms wrap around your neck and she raises her eyebrows at you in question.

“Figured I could get some practice.” Your teasing tone is back, your words bringing a coy smile to her lips.

“Are you still excited?” She asks as you step into the house, careful to not bang her head on the door.“ I know we’ve pushed it off a few times.” 

You gingerly set her down.

Postponing the wedding was never due to a lack of wanting to be married. 

The first plan was thrown out the window when Lagos happened and the team fell apart. Neither of you were sure about getting married while on the run, your family no longer around. But you’d found yourselves in the city of love, completely taken by the atmosphere, and decided that there was no need to wait. Then Thanos came. Losing half of your family to his homicidal plan hit you both incredibly hard.

Three and a half years it took for you both to realize that maybe you couldn’t get everyone back, which also made you appreciate that through everything you’ve always had each other. While there was nothing you could do about the past, you had a say over your present and you wanted to spend as much of that as wives as you could. Only for Scott Lang to show up in the midst of planning with the idea of the Time Heist.

All of that happened, you got everyone back and were blessed with your family again. So when things settled you both got back to planning. A year and six months after the final battle against Thanos, where Thor “went for the head”, you were finally a mere two months away from making the woman that is the love of your life your wife. 

“Am I excited to become a Romanoff?” Your question trails off with a pondering gaze to the ceiling. Natasha’s eyebrows pinch together at your need to think about it and seeing her frown makes you laugh.“ After three failed attempts I think it’s safe to say I’m pretty damn excited.”

The redhead smacks your arm in annoyance at your constantly playful behavior and you wrap your arms around her waist, laughing once again.“ You’re incorrigible.”

“Oh absolutely,” you wink,“ but I think that’s one of the many things you love about me.”

Her eyes narrow and her lips press together in a thin line, a hum of uncertainty leaving her lips. That makes your jaw drop and this time Natasha laughs. When she raises a brow at you, you nod in understanding. 

A beat of silence passes before you both set off to do something, Natasha offering to make tea and you go to grab the luggage from the car. Taking both straight to the bedroom before going back to join Natasha. 

She raises the cup of tea to her lips, eyes focused on the view outside the window. You slip behind her and wrap your arms around her waist, resting your chin on her shoulder and looking out the window as well. 

You know something’s on her mind but you’d learned a long time ago to let her open up herself as opposed to prying.

“Do you think everyone will be able to make it?” She finally speaks up.

Biting your lip in thought, you take a deep breath,“ I think everyone is going to try their best to be here but things come up. Everyone has RSVP'd so they want to be there that’s for sure.” You’re taken aback when you turn and find those green eyes staring back at you.

The most intense emotions swirl in those angel eyes.

“I know I keep saying it but, I love you, so much.” Her free hand raises to rest on your cheek. 

“And I, you my love.”

Adjusting herself back into your hold completely, she returns her gaze to the lake.“ Thank you for this trip as well.”

“I figured if I brought you out here I could get lucky.” 

That statement seems to be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Natasha slips from your grasp and heads towards the back door.“ Wait no, I’m sorry. I meant to say that I did it cause I love you and I wanted to spend time with you!” You call after her, only for her to continue to walk away. 

For the rest of this trip, Natasha knows you’re going to continue to be a pain in her ass but she also knows that for every annoying and teasing comment, there are ten times as many affirmations of love and whispers of sweet nothings. 

You whisked her away to give her the break she so greatly needs and deserves and you plan to make sure she enjoys it in full.

* * * * * *

Taglist: @owloftheshadows

[littlesolo]

Natasha Romanoff/ who???

So, after the WHAT IF? episodes, my inbox has gotten a few asks as to who I think Natasha belongs with.

To be honest, I'm ignoring WHAT IF? I initially thought I'd love it because of T'Challa, but I now see it as sort of a parody of the MCU? Don't even get me started on Sharon... I love Sharon, okay?

That aside, I've seen the gifs of Peggy and Natasha. I'm getting really tired of Peggy Carter. She was a great character, but her story was supposed to end in Civil War when she died, having told Steve to move on.

I still think the only person Natasha belongs with is Maria Hill. As appealing as Nat and Peggy could be, that's an alternate universe and it doesn't change the whole time difference thing.

I think Natasha needs someone solid. Sure, Maria has things to figure out too, but she's from the same time. Natasha has spent her life adjusting and adapting to whatever the scenario needed, she doesn't need someone still trying to adjust to the now or longing for years long gone by.

Natasha has so many things she's still coping with, especially her guilt and her ledger. I can't help but feel that both made a STRONG come back after she brought down Red Room and Dreykov. She became an Avenger to try and atone for everything she'd done as Red Room's Black Widow, only to find that while she had done some good (saved the earth multiple times) she had left so many behind and hadn't even known the scale of Red Room. She probably blames herself for not checking the body, something that Yelena mentioned because it's probably an ingrained step of being a Widow, make sure the target is dead. She hadn't and not only had she willingly made Dreykov's daughter collateral damage, when she didn't check, she left her to be experimented on by her father. And then there's her family, Yelena, Melina, and Alexei, that she never took the time to find.

I'm not saying that Maria is a cure for any of this, that she can comfort her with a hug or sweet words and make her feel better, but on some scale, she understands having ghosts and regrets. If nothing else, she can be a comforting presence by Natasha's side or a number Nat knows by heart that she knows she can always call.

Maria is separate from Red Room, Natasha being her only real link and involvement to it all. Maria is part of her new Avengers family, but she'd also be the one to remind her that becoming a part of something new doesn't mean leaving the old one behind.

So, yeah. I'm always going to be for Nat/Maria.

I know I haven't been writing any Blackhill stuff recently, because I'm totally into Dani/Jamie from Bly Manor, but I still think about them, still have ideas and stories. I don't know when I'll dip into the fandom again, but I have a feeling I will.

[fangirlstarot]

QUEEN OF WANDS: THE PLAYLIST

Fiery. Exuberance. Social butterfly.

1. Girl On Fire - Alicia Keys 2. Get The Party Started - Pink 3. Popular Song - Mika and Ariana Grande 4. Firework - Katy Perry 5. Touch The Sky - Brave Soundtrack 6. Happy - J.Fla (Pharrell Williams Cover) 7. Burn - Ellie Goulding 8. Popular - Wicked Musical 9. Brave - Sara Bareilles 10. Great Balls Of Fire - The Heartbreak Hotel 11. Well Behaved Women - Madeline McDonald 12. Dance Sister Dance - Santana 13. Buenos Aires - Madonna 14. I Am The Fire - Halestorm 15. Party Girl - Lana Del Rey 16. Just Like Fire - Pink 17. Fever - Peggy Lee 18. Bold - Ledger 19. That's What You Get - Paramore 20. Shake It Off - Taylor Swift

[kronkk]

How about Natasha's death, anything involving John Walker and how Dr Raynor is a shit therapist? And, if you feel like it, talking about Steve's ending?

God I am going to get pissed again but I am procrastinating so buck-le up.

1. Natasha's death

So in A:AOU they fucking have her call herself a monster for not being able to have children, then seal the fucking deal with having her choose to die because she doesn't have a 'family' like Clint does essentially. We KNOW she found Yelena and the other widows then, since the Black Widow movie, so its even more bullshit! OOhh a woman sacrificing herself for a man,, (I know its half of the entire universe's population, but I'm talking in the micro) groundbreaking. I know it's supposed to be her big redemption moment for the red in her ledger but with BW we KNOW THAT WAS ALREADY TAKEN CARE OF JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. She also ISNT EVEN RECOGNIZED AS LEADING THE AVENGERS FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS Theres that quote in one of the new trailers or whatever thats like "With iron man and captain rogers gone now," yada yada who's gonna lead the avengers FUCK OFF NAT LEAD THEM OVER THE ENTIRE FUCKING UNIVERSE FOR FIVE YEARS and iron man was never a leader of the avengers, he makes a point to say that lol

anyways I hope Yelena kills Clint

2. John Fucking Walker

I hate him, thanks for coming to my ted talk. I hate him, but we are set up to hate him. And I don't mind it. We are set up to hate him, and that makes a lot of people on this hellsite very very angry. But I don't mind it.

But like, he almost feels like a brief moment of actual self reflection on their propaganda but then it immediately dies. Was Bucky a dick to him right away? Yeah, but I would be too if just some guy said he felt my best friend who took on the entire world for me, became a fugitive for several years, and spent the better part of most of his time defrosted trying to find me/bring me back to life was like a brother to him even though he'd never met him.

Also, the line of "I am Captain America" as he stands in front of the panel was actually accurate in terms of symbolism. Dude is exactly what they wanted him to be until he showed the dark side of everything they made him into.

I hate him, but you're arguably meant to. He's meant to be Sam's foil.

3. Dr. Raynor

Dr. Raynor: I have therapied him Me: you fucked up an already fucked up ptsd ridden, abandoned, barely stable hundred year old POW is what you did. Look at him. He's not to talk to you because you weaponize the very thing that's supposed to be helping him against him.

4. Steve's ending (cont.)

jesus fucking christ. I know I've talked a lot (a lot) about the kneecapping of any of Tony's character development in the MCU, but this one's a close second.

Steve a) Wouldn't do that to Bucky. he just got him back after five fucking years. Spending those five fucking years talking about moving on from the past. But I have already ranted about that b) he wouldn't do that to Peggy. Peggy had a life. A good one. She was a literal founder of shield. Did she still do that with a suddenly alive Steve? Like it doesn't make sense. Like she moved on, for what its worth. We got Agent Carter (rip. 2015, a series taken from us too soon), so does all that go away now? Did she have to hide steve? I'm so confused it makes no sense.

he literally wouldn't do that to either of them, it makes no god damn sense for his entire character and I'm fucking pissed about it