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dustedmagazine · 6 months

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Butthole Surfers — Rembrandt Pussyhorse (Matador)

Photo by Jerry Milton

Given the amount of ink spilled and pixels configured concerning the music and cultural phenomena associated with the Butthole Surfers, it seems a daunting task to find anything new to say about the band — even about a record as excellent as Rembrandt Pussyhorse, first released 38 years ago (say what) on Touch and Go and presently being given the vinyl reissue treatment by Matador. But two things obviate the perceived difficulty registered just above: somehow, someway, Rembrandt Pussyhorse sounds like it could have come out yesterday on some currently über-hip, punk-adjacent underground label (say, Feel It Records from Cincinnati, or London’s La Vida Es un Mus); and for certain, it feels a very particular, vividly upsetting sort of way to listen to these demented, raging and inspired songs in March of 2024, as we struggle and lurch our way toward spring.

For example: Give “Strangers Die Everyday” a spin and try not to think about Gaza. That shouldn’t be a compelling match, of past music with present, all-too-real event. The song features a nigh-histrionic, Bela-Lugosi-as-the-Count organ, plastic fangs chewing on cheap, drywall scenery. Gibby Haynes does some of his bullhorn-mediated vocal antics, and sounds of bad plumbing bubble up into the mix. It’s the Butts in nightmare mode, which was always a vertiginous blend of ruthless ugliness and brain-rattled hilarity, and there is nothing funny about Gaza. Nothing at all. But keep listening. “Strangers Die Everyday” ends up expressing a deranged pathos. The organ is hammy, but the melody is mournful. The glurping, glooping bubbling evokes looking down a mostly stopped-up drain, which is always a bum-out experience, woven into the textures of the “Everyday” world nodded to in the song’s title. It situates the sadness and disgust in a feeling tone. But just exactly where is your everyday world? If you can tune in and make an additional metaphorical leap (to all the drains in Gaza, and in Myanmar, and in Ethiopia, and elsewhere, all of them backed up and drowned by unstanched cataracts of blood, from the bodies of all of those strangers), you will feel a particular sort of weight in your gut.

The Butts’ best stuff always worked the spaces in which earnestness, nausea and a decidedly bonkers mirthfulness overlap. Perhaps “collide” is a better word for the music’s resulting dynamic. In their early recordings, you can hear them bashing and stumbling their way toward ever-more-effective smash-ups of sharply opposing affects: the delirious one-two punch of “Suicide” and “The Revenge of Anus Presley” from Butthole Surfers (1983); the ebullient, anxious, headlong hallucination that is “Dum Dum” from …Another Man’s Sac (1984). The best performance of that sort of collision on Rembrandt Pussyhorse is “Perry,” which initially registers as a hyperbolic parody of the theme music to Perry Mason. Natch, let the laffs commence. The organ is back, but this time it’s in full Phantom-of-the-Opera mode, rollicking and tempestuous, Lon Chaney grinning horribly. Haynes delivers the laffs, howling and whooping himself breathless.

Keep listening. “Perry” takes its turn toward something more than parodic goofiness when Haynes provides a series of anaphoric itineraries: “It’s about coming of age / It’s about learning how to do it / It’s about learning how to experience things the way they ought to be experienced….” And so on. It’s a reckless thing, following Haynes into that improvisatory philosophical space: How, precisely, should things be experienced? What would a Butthole Surfer say? “It’s talking about being the slave boy / It’s talking about giving head when you’re 6 years old / It’s talking about enjoying these things….” You can just about see Raymond Burr blanch, even in black and white — and sure, it’s the Butts being the Butts, invoking a series of transgressive, taboo images, perhaps only for the charge of the transgression itself.

But there are other ways to hear the transgression. We might take the reference to Perry Mason a little more seriously. In the summer of 1986, just months after Rembrandt Pussyhorse was released, the Meese Commission on Pornography published its final report, a Puritanical screed that sought to throw the full moral weight of the Justice Department (yeah, yeah, I know) behind a juridical condemnation and potential outlawing of sex work, porn consumption and kink. The most liberal — in the hard sense of that word — readings of the Report’s recommendations would likely sanction tossing a band called the Butthole Surfers and songs like “Perry” (and “Lady Sniff,” “The Shah Sleeps in Lee Harvey’s Grave,” “Moving to Florida,” and later just about every song on Locust Abortion Technician and Hairway to Steven…) onto the pile with all the copies of Hustler and Torso and the endless numbers of VCAvideocassettes — not to mention the models and actors themselves, and all the folks who watched them and looked at them and felt pleasure.

It's not a hard history to uncover when you listen closely. Reagan’s reinvigoration of the American Right in part drew upon Jerry Falwell’s political turn, and the idea that evangelicals could have real power if they participated in the electorate, rather than regarding it as the fallen domain of a lesser law. In 2024, the Republican Party takes that evangelical vote for granted, and its full complicity with the array of MAGA-affiliated constituencies has created a new set of political alliances, issuing in events like January 6 and the Q Shaman leading a prayer service in the evacuated Senate chamber. Not sure even Haynes could conjure that image. Return to the record. The echoes of Raymond Burr’s voice, in full closing-statement declamation, reverberate out from “Perry” to the Butts’ magisterial cover of “American Woman”: “All right, you little creep, come out of there! We know your name!” We’ve got you surrounded! Where’s Mike Pence?

No one would argue that the Butts possessed anything like socio-political prescience when they recorded Rembrandt Pussyhorse. They were too busy experiencing things the way they had to experience them, to make the music that they had to make. And some of us enjoyed it. Still do. That may be reason enough to return to the record — or to reissue it. But the band somehow tapped into some very serious energies circulating in the mid-1980s: the Reagan Administration’s bloody-minded Christian nationalism (read some of his speeches, you’ll hear it); the Israeli Labor Party’s “Iron Fist” policy of 1985 and the accompanying intensification of settler activity, all of which would soon lead to the First Intifada. And here we are: Gaza on fire and self-identified Christian Nationalists like MTG and Tommy Tuberville setting policy. Here we are, in the “Whirling Hall of Knives” Haynes and Paul Leary and the rest of the band set in motion in 1986. Even today, especially today, it cuts deep. It draws blood. Strangers die everyday.

Jonathan Shaw

#butthole surfers #rembrandt pussyhorse #matador #jonathan shaw #albumreview #dusted magazine #reissue

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justforbooks · 2 months

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Bob Newhart

US standup and sitcom star who exuded calm assurance in a career that spanned more than 50 years

Bob Newhart, who has died aged 94, employed a deadpan delivery, marked with a sometimes stammering hesitation, that made him an unlikely candidate to become one of America’s most successful comedians. It was in keeping with his character that his successes often went overlooked.

Newhart burst on to the scene with the 1960 release of The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart, a recording of his first-ever standup performance just months earlier. It shot to No 1 on record charts, followed six months later by The Button-Down Mind Strikes Back!, which rose to No 2, behind its predecessor. His debut won the 1961 Grammy as album of the year, the sequel won best spoken comedy album, and Newhart was named best new recording artist.

Newhart’s preferred format was the one-sided telephone conversation, where the audience’s understanding of what the speaker cannot see makes Newhart his own straight-man. Abraham Lincoln’s PR man in Washington tries to stop him from changing the Gettysburg Address (“You changed four score and seven to 87? Abe, that’s a grabber!”). An official of the West India Company listens to Walter Raleigh singing the praises of the 80 tonnes of leaves he’s shipping to London (“Then what do you do, Walt? You set fire to it! You inhale the smoke, huh! You know, Walt … it seems you can stand in front of your fireplace and have the same thing going for you!”).

In 1961, Newhart made his debut at Carnegie Hall in New York, appeared in Don Siegel’s war film Hell Is for Heroes (doing a variation of his routine on a walkie-talkie) and starred in his first TV series, The Bob Newhart Show, a variety and comedy sketch show following Perry Como’s Kraft Music Hall on NBC. Though it lasted only one season, it won an Emmy and a Peabody award.

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The key to Newhart’s immediate success was suggested by his “button-down” persona. This was the beginning of President John Kennedy’s “new frontier”, where what the British fashion critic John Taylor demeaned as the “simulated negligence” of the unpadded grey flannel suit signified a certain comfort and style, as well as sober conformity. Newhart’s probing of the accepted everyday was entertaining but sharp; a form of subtle satire.

It was a casual approach that he had refined carefully. Born George Robert in the Chicago suburb of Oak Park, Newhart grew up called “Bob” to distinguish him from his father, George David, who was part-owner of a plumbing and heating business. His mother, Pauline (nee Burns), was a housewife. He attended Catholic schools, and graduated from Loyola University in Chicago with a degree in business management in 1952. After two years in the army working as a clerk, he entered the law school at Loyola, but soon left and began working as an accountant.

In one job, he and a colleague, Ed Gallagher, began recording dialogues in the style of Bob and Ray, an innovative comedy duo. Gallagher left for New York, and Newhart moved to writing ad copy for a Chicago production company, while circulating his own tapes.

Local radio personality Dan Sorkin played some, and Newhart began appearing on local morning TV. Tapes reached the record producer George Avakian, who in 1958 had left Columbia Records to form an equivalent company for Warner Brothers. Avakian wanted to catch Newhart’s standup act immediately; the February 1960 show at the Tidelands Club in Houston – which became his first record – was at the first venue that Newhart’s quickly acquired agent could find to book.

After the success of The Bob Newhart Show, he was immediately busy on the standup circuit. His intelligence and easy-going demeanour made him a popular guest on other talkshows, and eventually he was a regular replacement for Johnny Carson on Tonight. Although he was accused by the comic Shelley Berman of plagiarising the telephone gimmick from him, it had already been a longstanding format used by performers including George Jessel and Arlene Harris. It was his demeanour, knowing but hesitant (which he sometimes said was influenced by George Gobel), that made him such a versatile performer.

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The comic Buddy Hackett introduced Newhart to Ginnie (Virginia) Quinn, the daughter of the character actor Bill Quinn. They married in 1963, and the enduring alliance became a running joke when he appeared with the thrice-wed Carson.

Newhart’s film roles were infrequent but often telling: as Major Major in Mike Nichols’ adaptation of Joseph Heller’s Catch-22 (1970); as Gene Wilder’s pal in the Odd Couple-like TV movie Thursday’s Game (1974); and as Papa Elf alongside Will Ferrell in Elf (2003). He also did voices, notably the rescue mouse Bernard in The Rescuers (1977) and its sequel, The Rescuers Down Under (1990).

Unusually, he starred in two long-running TV series. In The Bob Newhart Show (1972-78) he played a psychologist: the perfect manifestation of his standup routine’s listening and commenting. It grew from an appearance on The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, and was produced by Mary Tyler Moore and Grant Tinker’s MTM Productions. With Suzanne Pleshette as his schoolteacher wife and Peter Bonerz as the dentist with whom he shares an office, the show was an immediate hit. As ratings dropped and Newhart tired of it, he at one point refused a script that introduced children. “It’s very funny,” he told the producers. “Who’s going to play Bob?”

He returned in 1982 with Newhart, playing Dick Loudon, a writer who moves with his wife (Mary Frann) to a rural Vermont inn. With a cast including Tom Poston, who would win three Emmy nominations as the eccentric handyman George, Newhart became the centre of a world whose chaos stretched the kind of calm understanding for which he was known.

In 1985, Newhart was diagnosed with a blood disease, polycythemia, caused by smoking. Having made comedy from tobacco and appeared, with Poston, in Norman Lear’s comedy Cold Turkey (1971), where a town tries to win $25m from a tobacco company by quitting smoking for a month, he now quit himself.

As Newhart drew to a close after eight seasons, a classic final episode, which played off the famous “who shot JR?” finale of Dallas. It was kept top secret by the cast and crew. Struck by a golf ball, Newhart wakes up in the Bob Newhart Show bedroom, next to Pleshette, complaining of a crazy dream he’s had about Vermont.

Two more series were less successful. Bob (1992-93) saw him as a cartoonist trying to adjust to a corporate world when a character he created is revived. George and Leo (1997-98) was another Odd Couple-type scenario, in which his bookstore owner shares a flat with his son’s father-in-law (Judd Hirsch), who’s running from the mob. Newhart joked about the title: “We had used every variation of my name; all that was left was ‘The’.”

Newhart’s three-part guest appearance on ER in 2003, where Sherry Stringfield’s Dr Lewis helps Newhart’s suicidal Ben Hollander adjust to his oncoming blindness, earned him his fifth Emmy nomination. He was nominated again in 2009 for a supporting role in The Librarian, but finally won in 2013, playing Arthur Jeffries in the comedy The Big Bang Theory. Jeffries was Professor Proton, host of the science TV series (based on Watch Mr Wizard) watched by the genius Sheldon. He was nominated twice more, and reprised the role three times in Young Sheldon.

Newhart’s lifelong comedic chalk-and-cheese friendship with Don Rickles was the subject of Bob and Don: A Love Story, a short documentary made in 2022 by Judd Apatow.

Ginny died in 2023, and Newhart is survived by his sons, Robert and Timothy, and daughters, Courtney and Jennifer.

🔔 Bob (George Robert) Newhart, comedian and actor, born 5 September 1929; died 18 July 2024

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at Just for Books…?

#just for books #Bob Newhart #in memoriam

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violetthekiller · 8 months

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Honestly I feel like the british interviewer are much more fun in general lol like on the top of my head I can think of Ali Plumb, the women from On Demand Entertainment and Popbuzz, Jordan & Perri etc.. They're all British and all usually have us super fun interviews 😅

fun times in London to come

#ask

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foundfamilynonsense · 2 years

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My headcanon is that after Stacy found out perry was a secret agent she just continued to find out everything else.

During the Halloween special when Vanessa hosts a party in doofenshmirtz’s castle major monogram sees Monty and Vanessa and then Stacy takes Monty’s place… I didn’t explain that well but you know the scene. Anyway Monogram storms up and is like “Monty what are you doing with the daughter of my sworn enemy?” And Stacy turns around and goes “oh high plumbing and power guy”

Which is exactly what monogram told her he was when she learned about perry.

And stacy doesn’t sound surprised. She isn’t like “oh wow it’s the secret agent plumbing and power guy and he’s somehow connected to Vanessa” she’s like “oh hi eat shit remember me?”

So I say, based on that tone, we know that she knows:

1. Perry is a secret agent

2. Perry fights Doofenshmirtz

3. Candace’s friend Vanessa is Doofenshmirtz’s daughter.

4. Vanessa is dating the son of Perry’s boss.

5. There’s some sort of huge organization that has employed at least one neighborhood pet and has the funds to wipe memories.

So what I’m saying is, if Stacy knew all this before the castle party, I feel like she knows everything else. Like, if I were Stacy this would become my main hobby. This is what I would do whenever Candace went on busting rants.

Stacy has a running list of every other household pet that is a secret agent.

Stacy knows that the mysterious force that makes the boy’s inventions disappear are Doofenshmirtz’s inators.

Stacy knows Carl’s home address.

Stacy has somehow learned everything that happened with the second dimension.

Stacy has a set of keys to the OWCA home base.

So what I really want from these forty new episodes is for a bunch of normal run of the mill Phineas and Ferb episodes that take place that same summer plus one episode that centers around Stacy in some way. I don’t care if she’s just helping Perry hide from the Flynn-fletchers or if she is single-handedly saving the entire organization from destruction and then becomes the first human agent afterwards. Just something about Stacy and OWCA please.

#phineas and ferb

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redundant2 · 1 year

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Thoughts on the Olive Garden

Nothing earthshaking or resembling more than a sip of tea, but I found this Reddit user's comments to be interesting:

"I have some info on the house. It had a lot of issues when they purchased it and for Montecito, it's relatively low in price. I'm from SoCal originally and was in Santa Barbara for a friend's bday a year ago. We decided to go check out M&H's house - we both love looking at houses and were interested in M&H. What's interesting about what's fondly referred to as The Olive Garden is that we thought for sure it would be in a heavily gated community or an estate property where you wouldn't be able to see anything.

It's actually in a community with an ornamental gate, but anyone can drive though the neighborhood. Most of the houses in this little subdivision are pretty normal (for Montecito) - maybe 5-6000 sq ft on average. It's not some ultra exclusive enclave. There are tons of kids and families, just out for walks, playing with their dogs, etc. M&H's house is actually one of the few with security gates. Most are just stand alone house with a driveway live anywhere else. Both the gates and surrounding fencing are covered in heavy green tarps and there are literally at least 20 cameras in all directions on their driveway. They have one of those spheres with 6 cameras and then mounted fixed cameras everywhere. They do the ugly tarps wherever they go based on the Canada retreat photos. I had wanted to take a picture, but my friend wouldn't let me so we just drove by. I have a feeling they have committed the cardinal sin of real estate - you never want to be the biggest or most ostentatious house in a neighborhood. It's better to be the worst house in the most exclusive area.

The other thing about Montecito is that the people with the real money (Oprah, Ellen, etc ) don't live in subdivisions. They live on gated estates with massive acres of land set way back from the road, completely away from other neighbors. I was surprised how close M&H's house is to the common, everyday looking people. I would call this more entry level or tier 2 Montecito when the real trophy properties are 50-100 million plus.

I've heard that they have had plumbing problems because it was a newer house built on the cheap. The plumbing or sewage system has created an odor on the property. I am in the minority, but from the photos, I kind of like the Olive Garden. I like Spanish and the grounds with the pool, yoga studio, etc. Compared to Tyler Perry's truly tasteless La Quinta Inn new money mansion in on steroids, Montecito looks practically historic.

I can see them moving back to LA. I heard they compromised and moved to Montecito because Harry was not a fan of Beverly Hills (although it seems to have grown on him and Meghan, each with their alleged own hotel suites in the area at separate clubs/hotels). I heard they ended up in Montecito because the properties they really had wanted in Malibu were out of reach."

#harkles #olive garden #montecito

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basingstokemercury · 8 months

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Album liner of "Come All Ye Fair And Tender Ladies" (Pernell Roberts, folk/country, 1963).

Transcript below image.

HOW A FOLK SINGER GETS THAT WAY...

by the co-star of the "Bonanza" TV Show

At the age of 32, two and one-half years ago, I bought myself a guitar along with Pete Seeger's instruction book and record. Very painfully, I learned to play - not too well by any means, but enough to chord and accompany myself for folk songs. I can't possibly describe the joy and sense of accomplishment when my fingers finally behaved themselves and formed A, E and B-7. (Then a whole new world opened up with C, F, G-7, A-7, D-7, etc!) I was born again! However, I ran into a problem... if I played Chunk! Chunk! Chunk!, I sang "Chunk! Chunk! Chunk!" What to do? Well, it's like when the tourist came to New York and asked a little old lady, "How do you get to Carnegie Hall?" She replied, "Practice." I did and it's richly rewarding. Aside from acting, the thing I enjoy most is singing and - most of all - folk songs. Of course, next to singing folk songs, listening to folk songs… especially when performed by people like Odetta, Joan Baez, Bob Gibson, Pete Seeger, Jack Elliott, Woody Guthrie, Leadbelly, Big Bill Broonzy, Lightnin' Hopkins, Barbara Dane - and, oh, so many others that it would take the backs of three album jackets just to list them. Although I realize that folk songs, singers and records are exceedingly popular, I know there are also a lot of people who are not familiar with this area of music. I know that most of you who pick up this album will do so because of the television series I'm associated with. But what I'm hoping, more than anything else, is that you also pick up something new in the way of music appreciation. I highly recommend all of John and Alan Lomax's books of folk songs and, most essentially, the folk song magazine "Sing Out." What a rich heritage we all have in this form of music. When I sing a song like Woody Guthrie's Pastures of Plenty, my problems in life seem a bit unimportant compared to the problems of other people. I quickly realize just how un-unique I am, that we all face many problems of daily living, and singing about them seems to make it all a little easier to take. That's why folk songs and folk lore were the basic source of material for this album, and I'd like to thank Steve Sholes for asking me to do it, Neely Plumb for his infinite patience and guidance, Jim Malloy for his engineering seal, Perry Botkin, Jr. for his perceptive arranging "pointing", and last of all - but far from least - Dick Rosmini. Dick, in my opinion, is a talent to be reckoned with. Besides being an extraordinary six or twelve-string guitarist, banjo player and folk singer, he also writes beautiful songs and adaptations, notably - in this album - Alberta and Mary Ann. Richard, thank you for making this such a rewarding and exciting experience! PERNELL ROBERTS

#pernell roberts #bonanza

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josendlessmonolouge · 2 months

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Jo’s grandpa appreciation post bc I just made some overnight oats for tomorrow that he would love.

my grandpa is pretty well my father figure since my dad sucks majorly and anyway heres all the amazing wonderful stuff about him that makes me wish the entire world could have someone like him

He always told me stories when I was little. my favorite was jack and the beanstalk but because he modified it so the giant had a giant cat that in the end when the chop down the bean stalk, jack and his mom sell to a zoo and get a bunch of money.

He believes rhythm is one of the very most important things you can teach a child he used to bounce all us grandkids on his knee to the beat of music and he always encourages me to tap my foot to songs

he’s very dyslexic but currently writing a book

he likes to talk about folk music with me

I’ve dated two boys in my life my first relationship was long distance and he still sometimes calls my grandpa for car advice. When I was dating my ex once him and grandpa talked on my phone for over an hour about stock car racing

if he hadn’t had a family he was going to pursue being a nascar driver

he can build anything, he built me an American girl doll bed when I was a kid and his sister (my great aunt) who lives right next door to him sewed me a mattress for it

he loves vintage western wear

he has my mom cut his hair bc he got mad that his barber kept cutting his hair too short, he says she thinks everyone should have cop cuts but he’s a product of the 50s-70s he likes a longer haircut

he completely replaced the floor and even did the plumbing in our bathroom just recently. ;he’s in his 70s)

once he said he didn’t feel well at dinner with our friends after the nhs ceremony and had us worried about him but actually he was late walking his dogs and didn’t want them to be sad but didn’t want to be rude about leaving

he always signs his title as grampa instead of grandpa bc that’s how I pronounce it. So when I was 13 and he got heart surgery and it was still Covid regulations so I was too young to visit him he wrote a thank you note to my card and signed it that, he always signs off every text message with it

he loves fruit and always keeps apples at his house. He told my mom “I’m a good diabetic.” While eating apple sauce. Still think about that lol

his little westie is the most spoiled dog to exist

Babies always smile at him in public

once I ran into him at lunch at school bc my friends went to the Walmart deli and he was grocery shopping and he apologized to me that he wasn’t dressed nicer (he was in his overalls)

he practically lives in overalls

when I was little my soccer team called him the man in the yellow hat bc he wears a straw hat almost everyday.

he dropped out of highschool.

I bought him a roy rogger tie as a present bc he got really teary over how important Roy roggers was to him as a child and at church that week he really proudly showed it to me.

he can look at anything and measure it

once he fell off a ladder working and had to stay home so we had to go shopping for him he told my mom and I the dimensions of the box of shrimp my grandma likes not the color or price or the brand or amount, but the dimensions.

oh when he fell off the ladder? The person driving the ambulance got lost and he had to tell them where to go.

his dad likes to collect rocks and so does he

he picks my grandma flowers from his garden.

he tells me about people from his childhood he realizes where probably on the spectrum like him and I are. He realize he was on the spectrum after I was diagnosed.

He makes the very best fry bread

he loves perry mason

once I called him in tears because a very baby bird had fallen out of it’s nest in a storm and I wanted him to come and try to save it (I couldn’t as I had cats at my house) or put it out of its misery and he drove out to my house and tried to nurse it to health (sadly it didn’t live)

When I was in upper elementary school I had a lot of meltdowns because I was bullied, other kids where starting to not like school so they were yelling being disruptive my little autistic self couldn’t take it and sometimes I’d have to go home early if it was really bad (eventually I got meds and accommodations) but mom and grandma worked jobs where the couldn’t pick me up so he did and he’d just take me along his errands to Walmart or something. Sometimes we’d get a doughnut. He always understood I wasn’t misbehaving I really wanted to do good and be good.

#jo lore???#Jo’s family #I just love my family so much #grandparents #Genuinely my best friend #Idk I’m emotional #i cried writing this #Just wish everyone had him in their lives #Autism

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snowbellewells · 10 months

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OuaT Appreciation Week 2023

Day 4 - Song/Lyric that relates to the show

Okay, I hesitated on this one, because I don’t have any great art or link to all the songs I’m going to mention, and it may not be that interesting. Still, I had so many answers for this day’s prompt! I used to throw a premiere party at the start of each arc and made a CS Mix cd as a door prize each time, featuring songs that went along with CS at that point, or the show’s events at the time. So, yeah, I had a lot to choose from 😅

(Hope this doesn’t seem too long and someone enjoys)

Anyway, a few, for what it’s worth:

These first couple are more “Emma” songs to me, either how she was back when she and Killian first met or as she was starting to fall and fighting it

“Warpath” by Ingrid Michaelson

“Baby, you drive me so crazy

Baby, you drive me so crazy,

Baby, you drive me so mad,

You’ve got me runnin’ round town like a woman on a warpath…”

“You Gave Love A Face” by Liz Langley

(If this first verse doesn’t scream Emma, I don’t know what does!)

[Verse 1]

Had it once, it let me down

Crossed my heart and hit the ground

Hit and run and he just walked away

I held my breath and told myself

Don't give your love to no one else

No one else is ever gonna stay

I never thought you'd come my way

[Chorus]

You gave love a face, you gave it a smile

And now that you're here, I'm holding on my dear

You made it come alive, you breathe it into me

And finally I'm found, looking at you now

You gave love a face

“Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morissette

“…You treat me like I'm a princess

I'm not used to liking that…

You've already won me over in spite of me

Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet

Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are

I couldn't help it

It's all your fault…”

***

These, meanwhile, feel very “Killian” to me for some reason

“Even Now” by Dashboard Confessional

“Demons” by Imagine Dragons

“I Will Wait” by Mumford & Sons

“Human” by Christina Perri

“Saturn” by Sleeping at Last (for extra losing Liam feels)

I’ll Be Good” by Jaymes Young

I thought I saw the devil this morning

Looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue

With the warning to help me see myself clearer…

My past has tasted bitter for years now

So I wield an iron fist…

I've been cold, I've been merciless

But the blood on my hands scares me to death

Maybe I'm waking up today

I'll be good, I'll be good…

For all of the light that I shut out

For all of the innocent things that I doubt

For all of the bruises I've caused in the tears

For all of the things that I've done

All these years, no, yeah

For all the sparks that I stomped out…”

*****

And then, of course, there are songs for Captain Swan itself 💕💖💕

“Dust to Dust” by the Civil Wars

“You're like a mirror, reflecting me

Takes one to know one, so take it from me

You've been lonely

You've been lonely too long…”

“This is Home” by Switchfoot

“Don’t Deserve You” by Plumb

“Sea of Lovers” // “Arms” // “The Words” by Christina Perri

“I Will Follow You Into the Dark” by Death Cab for Cutie

“Find My Way Back to You” by Eric Arjes

And last but not least, for all the True Loves on OuaT (but especially for Snowing 😉🥰)

“I Will Find You” by Alex + Sierra

#OuaT appreciation week 2023 #ouataw23 #day four #userstorybrooke #songs/lyrics #CS songs #Killian jones songs #emma swan songs #and a snowing one for good measure!

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foxofsunholt · 2 years

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Not sure if it's been asked (I'm sure it has been honestly) but what's the technology like? I can't stop imagining my mc staring wistfully at a picture of Addie during the timeskip and sighing dramatically and being like "no, she's moved on"

It has I think but honestly I’m Katy Perry hot and cold, you never know what my next thought is going to be. One second I say everyone is elephants actually and the next I say there are no elephants in the lore.

The technology is far more medieval leaning (I use Regency and Victorian inspiration for the social season and designing the nobility) with obvious quality of life changes like indoor plumbing for all and and less sexism and actually I murdered homophobia in the streets. Some cities have electricity (fuelled by magical rocks). Most cities don’t or wouldn’t bother wasting such a limited and expensive resource on their people (you might see electric lighting in a castle for example but not at your local pub). There are mages employed by kingdoms for infrastructure; why bother with technology when you can get Gary over there to magic it? But technology is advancing in The Domain and even depending on your choices in act 1, you can see a dramatic technological shift in act 2.

There’s no cameras; Mars notably carries around a drawing of Sir Snuggles that he had commissioned (it is very common practice to commission sketches to personally carry around). Guns haven’t been figured out yet because do you know how quickly they would just murder everyone with them? For the sake of logic in this fantasy story, there just is no gunpowder. Combat is very medieval. I drew Seventh with a gun initially because those pirate guns are super cool but then I realized that if gunpowder is real in this world armies could and would absolutely destroy each other and why the hell does the MC have a sword when John over there can use a musket.

Most of the convenience in the world is brought upon by magic. There are stones that can do it for you, probably. Message stones are very popular (the MC gets some to use as well) which are like answering machines between two tethered magic stones. One person records a message. The other person’s stone glows and they can hear the message back as many times as they want, and send a message in reply. The stone can store 3 messages before it will wipe all previous messages once a new one comes in. The messages are verbal, again, like an answering machine. The downside to them is that they only work in pairs and can’t be re-attuned once paired; some nobility have a whole collection of stones for all their friends but most people choose to just send letters instead.

Gossip magazines are weirdly popular even if people use them as toilet paper. For some reason people would rather get their news from probably incorrect tabloids than the poor town crier who is trying really hard. There’s an epidemic of ignorance in The Domain; someone should really help the information flow. And idk I can’t think of anything else off the top of my head. If you have a specific technology in mind, let me know! And I can tell you what the situation is

#asks

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bluepeachstudios · 2 years

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Is there a Skittles au Spotify playlist?

There is not unfortunately, I need to make one, probably... I'm pretty bad at collating playlists though. :x I don't know enough music. There'd be like. 6 songs on there. Here's a written playlist, though!

Boats and Birds by Gregory and the Hawks

Once Upon A Dream by Lana Del Ray

In My Arms by Plumb

You’ll Be In My Heart by Phil Collins

Aloha ‘Oe by Tia Carrere

Dos Oruguitas by Sebastian Yatra

You Are My Sunshine by The Hound and The Fox OR by Christina Perri

There's a lot of Disney songs on here cause me and the Pit Dwellers went on a rampage but regardless of the song's original intent, these are all meant platonically as parent/child vibes. Who's singing what to whom? Up to you.

#asks #tmnt #tmnt 2003 #dark turtles #skittles au #tgsh

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allaboardthevespa · 2 years

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Unconditionally

I got bored, and I suddenly felt the urge to write some really sappy (with some angst) Milo Murphy’s Law fluff. I know who Melissa should end up with is a matter of debate, but I’m a proud Team Zalissa member so this fanfic will be about that. Milossa or Bradlissa fans, sorry, but hope you can enjoy this nonetheless. I wasn’t sure what to call this at first, but I listened to the Katy Perry song “Unconditionally” and my brain was like YES so here.

I’m not proud of how this ends, but eh, my brain sucks at ending things. Just hope y’all enjoy this bit of adorable sickfic fluff ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

WARNING: contains relatively graphic scenes of vomit…and becomes extremely tooth-rotting fluff

It was an ordinary day in Danville – or as ordinary as it could be with the Murphy family’s usual chaos. Milo and Zack’s walk to school had been a heck of a ride, as usual. Runaway concrete pipes, surfing on busted plumbing, falling off cliffs, the whole nine yards. But, as is the norm for Milo Murphy and his friends, everything worked out and they got to school in the nick of time.

But of course, it didn’t take long for them to realize someone was missing.

As the students sat in class waiting for Ms. Murawski, Milo looked between him and Zack and noticed a conspicuously empty seat. “Hey, wait a minute,” asked the jinx, “Where’s Melissa?” “I have no idea,” replied Zack, scratching the back of his head in confusion. The other students surrounding them began chattering among themselves, wondering what could’ve happened to the rough-and-tumble redhead. “Maybe she blocked one of her chakras?” Mort suggested with a shrug. Bradley facepalmed, “Mort, she’s not a hippie like you are. She doesn’t do chakras.” “MAYBE DRAKO GOT HER!” panicked Chad, shivering like a leaf and covering his head with his hands. “Don’t panic, everyone,” Amanda cut in, “Knowing what happens in this town, she’s probably caught up in time-travel shenanigans to save a cart of pistachios or something.”

“Pipe down, class!” came an adult voice. The kids turned to see Ms. Murawski entering the room, just hanging up a phone. “I know you’ve all noticed that Melissa Chase is missing today. Well, it’s simple. She’s just come down with a stomach ache and can’t come in today. No matter, she’ll be able to catch up some other day.” She took out a pencil, “Now, turn your textbooks to page 421.”

As the other students got to reading, Milo turned to look at Melissa’s empty chair. “That’s too bad,” he sighed, “I don’t even remember the last time she got sick.” He turned to look out the window. “Poor Melissa. She must be feeling pretty down right now.” “Yeah…” Zack agreed, looking crestfallen. “I wish I could help out.” “Well, if you want to, you could,” Amanda suddenly spoke up, “It’s just a little science work, you don’t need to worry about missing it. I think Melissa would be happy to have a little company today.” “Yeah,” Milo agreed with Amanda, “Besides…I’m sure you would love to have a little…” He cleared his throat sarcastically, before giving a smug grin, “Quality time with her.” “Oh, of course,” laughed Amanda, as snickers and ‘oooooh’s went up around the rest of the classroom. Zack flushed a beet-red, flustered by Milo’s joke. “Yes, yes, I’m aware of the, ahem, ‘chemistry’,” he chuckled bashfully, “Alrighty. If you think I should go hang out with her, I’ll go. She could use the company.” “You go, Zack!” cheered Milo, as Zack went to Murawski’s beloved front desk.

“Excuse me, Ms…may I be excused? I need to use the restroom,” Zack innocently asked, hiding his lie expertly well. “Fine, very well,” Murawski huffed, “Just don’t get lost.” “Thanks, Ms,” he chirped, waving goodbye to the students as he left the room. The moment he slipped out, he scanned the halls for the arrow sign that was labeled “Way Out”, and the minute he saw it, he scampered in that direction. He heard hall monitors yelling at him to not run in the halls, but he couldn’t give less of a damn. Detention could wait. He had a friend to help.

After a lot of running and following directions on his phone, Zack had arrived in the street where Melissa and her single father lived. Seeing Mr. Chase standing outside his house watering a bush, Zack got on his way to talk to him when he suddenly noticed a butterfly flitting in front of him. Zack watched it fly upwards and noticed it settle on a tree branch covered in wisteria flowers – and an idea registered in Zack’s mind. He reached up and grabbed a small branch covered in a healthy amount of the flowers, wrapped the wood in some tissue paper he brought with him, and wrapped a bow around the flowers to keep them straight. Holding tightly onto the bouquet, he soon made it to the house he was looking for.

As Mr. Chase was minding his own business, watering that bush, he heard a familiar voice. “Hey, Mr. Chase!” He turned off the hose and whipped around to see Zack, politely standing at his gate with a bouquet of wisteria flowers in hand. “Oh, hello, Zack,” greeted the firefighter, “I imagine you heard about my daughter?” “Yeah, tough break,” Zack replied in a sympathetic tone. “When I heard, I thought I could come down and cheer her up.” “Oh, how nice,” Mr. Chase smiled, “Melissa doesn’t get sick often, but she’s always miserable when she does. I think she’ll be happy to have a friend with her.” “I thought so too,” Zack nodded, following his crush’s father to the door. “Thanks for letting me come around,” he thanked with a grateful wave. “No problem,” the older man replied, “Any friend of my daughter’s is a friend of mine. Hope you two have fun.” “Bye, Mr. Chase,” Zack waved at him as he walked up the stairs to his friend’s room.

It had not been a fun morning for Melissa. When she awoke, the stomach pain had hit her in full force, and it didn’t take long for her father to realize how out of sorts she was. Neither of them liked when she got sick, but Melissa had a special hatred for the concept of illness. She was a real go-getter, and the thought of having to stay in bed for hours on end and not enjoy her usual hobbies made her feel even sicker than she was already.

But the worst part of being sick in bed is that, without her mind being preoccupied by daily events caused by school and Murphy’s Law, it tended to wander to some uncomfortable places…and asked some tough questions she didn’t know if she had the answers to.

Was Milo always gonna be able to keep himself prepared for every situation?

Will his bad luck come to bite him in a way he can’t protect himself from?

Should she even be asking these questions?

Would Milo WANT her asking these questions?

The internal crisis she was having made the stress she had grow all the more, and her stomach’s pain intensified with it.

Melissa was holding her head in distress and shutting her eyes tightly, in a vain attempt to block out those awful questions, when she heard her door creak open. Reluctantly, she slowly opened one of her eyes…and suddenly her heart skipped a beat at who she saw waiting for her in the doorway. She gently pulled herself up from her hunched state as her eyes met his, and gently mumbled “Z-Zack? Is that…really you?” Zack let out a quiet laugh, “Of course it’s me, buddy. I heard you were sick, and I knew I had to be there for you. You are my best friend, after all.” Melissa didn’t notice it, but her cheeks were heating up with a bright red blush as the compliment warmed her heart and soul. “You…really mean that?” she asked, giving a genuine smile. Zack couldn’t help blushing himself at the sight of Melissa giving him a sweet, happy smile with her cheeks tinged red. It was completely adorable.

To respond to her question, Zack revealed the bouquet of wisteria flowers he’d picked on his way. “If I didn’t mean it, would I get you these?” He approached her in her bed and gently knelt down to her level, “Milo’s told me you love flowers, so when I saw these in your neighborhood, I figured I’d get you a little something.” Melissa gave an adorably surprised gasp, then, as quickly as she could, reached over to grab the bouquet with a cute little giggle. “Wow, I…” she stammered, caressing some of the petals, “That’s really sweet of you.” “It’s the least I could do for you being such a great friend,” Zack responded, watching happily as his best friend held the wisteria bouquet to her chest and face and inhaled deeply. “I’m glad you like them.” “Thanks, Zack,” Melissa gave him the cutest smile ever, “I’m glad you’re here for me.” “Well,” responded the former boyband member, “What are best friends for?”

From then on, in the following hours, the two best friends made the most of their time together. The two played all sorts of games, shared all sorts of stories, and just being two kids happy in one another’s company. Zack enjoyed every moment, yet throughout it all he couldn’t stop himself taking his eyes off his best friend. Her smile warmed his heart, her giggles were absolutely adorable, and every so often she’d briefly stop what she was doing, turn around and smell the flowers he’d brought her, now sat comfortably in a vase on her bedside table. That was another thing he found to be adorable. It wasn’t often that he saw the redhead able to just loosen up and be a goofball when they weren’t busy trying to stop Murphy’s Law from causing mayhem, but when they got the chance to just be kids, it was something both of them made the most of.

It was during a quiet break from their fun that things began to take an unexpected turn.

Zack was watching his best friend cuddled up in her bed, stroking her hair gently, when an uncomfortable-sounding groan emitted from her stomach, and she abruptly shot up and looked at him with a deer-in-the-headlights look. “What’s the matter?” asked Zack, gently grasping her hands. “I…I dunno,” Melissa panted, before she clutched her stomach out of instinct. “I…I’ve never felt l-like this…” She took a shaky breath, “But I feel like I…ugh!” She cringed, and without thinking raised a hand to her mouth. Zack connected the dots right away. He didn’t think they’d be able to make it to the bathroom fast enough at this point. Luckily, his eyes floated to a spare empty flower vase not yet filled with wysterias or whatever other flowers she liked. It wasn’t perfect, but it’d do. He scrambled over and grabbed it, before giving it to Melissa, and sat next to her once more.

Melissa opened her mouth to say something, but abruptly, she hunched herself over and heaved unpleasantly. Zack couldn��t help cringing, but he knew he had to provide some semblance of comfort. It looked like this was a new experience for her. He gently rubbed her back as each painful retch came, making sure she knew he was there for her even in a time like this. Melissa’s mind didn’t register much else in that moment other than the horrible feeling of her throat and stomach expunging the nasty liquid from her body, and, in sharp contrast, the warm, soft, gentle touch of her best friend.

In reality, it only took 30 seconds for the retching to stop. To Melissa, it felt like an eternity. Nonetheless, when she was sure she was done, she pulled her head back from the vase and wiped her brow as she set the now puke-filled vase aside. She breathed heavily in an attempt to clear her mind, as what just happened played itself over and over again in her head. She’d never experienced something like that before, and she never wanted to again. Luckily, though, she had her best friend right nearby. Getting a little closer to the sickly go-getter, Zack gently asked her “How do you feel?” Coughing a little, Melissa turned to Zack with a look of pure pain in her eyes. “I…I…” she wiped her brow again, “What…was that? T-that was horrible…” “Relax, Melissa,” Zack did his best to comfort her, “You just vomited. No big deal, it happens to you sometimes if you’re stomach-sick.” “B-But I…” the redhead whimpered, “Th-that hasn’t happened to me before…My dad told me about it when I was super young, and cuz I don’t get sick that often…I never THOUGHT it would happen…” She sighed, “Man, I feel like a dummy now.” Feeling his heart hurt for Melissa’s sorry state, Zack pulled her into a hug, “Hey…you’re no dummy. If this is your first time ever vomiting, no wonder your mind’s in a daze like this. You’ll be alright. You’re always alright, aren’t you?” He put a hand on one of her shoulders and comfortingly looked into her beautiful blue eyes.

Until she said two words that threw him for a loop…

“Not really.”

Zack’s mind took a moment to register what Melissa had just said. Those two, little, mumbled words. “Not really.” What was she implying? Was it what Zack was thinking? No, there’s no way, Melissa was the toughest girl he’d ever known. But, why else would she say that? Gently, he got closer to her, and gently gazed into her eyes, ignoring the blush on his face, and asked “What do you mean by…’not really’?” Melissa flinched a little, not knowing where to begin. The questions in her mind were roaring to get out, and she had to let someone know. She was tired of suffering in silence.

At that moment, Melissa gently grabbed Zack’s shoulders and began to speak, knowing he’d be there to listen.

And all the words came flying out.

“…Zack, I’m scared. I’ve always BEEN scared. Ever since I became Milo’s best friend, I’ve always been worrying myself like crazy about him, worrying that someday he’s gonna get caught in some insane Murphy’s Law accident that he’s not ready for and he’ll get hurt…or worse. And I know it’s really fucking stupid cause it’s goddamn Milo and he’s ALWAYS prepared, but I can’t help myself. And I just feel like a big jerk because Milo wouldn’t WANT me to be worried about him all the time. He’s…fine with the way things are and doesn’t want them to change…but…” She took a shaky breath, and sighed lowly, “I do.” Zack now reached up and rubbed her shoulders as she continued talking, “I don’t want Milo to be stuck with Murphy’s Law. I want him to live and be happy, without always having to look over his shoulder in case of stampeding bison or angry crossing guards or other shit like that. But Milo…he just doesn’t want that…and I feel like a selfish idiot who tries to act like she knows what’s best for everyone…but…” She glanced up, and Zack’s heart leapt at what he saw…

The toughest, smartest kid he’d known in his life…strong, brave, a born leader with a near-permanent smile…

She was crying.

“I just…” she whimpered, not even bothering to wipe away the hot tears streaking down her face, “I feel like such a selfish jackass who doesn’t know what Milo or even you want in your lives…I just don’t want to lose him, or you, or anyone…” She shut her eyes tightly and let a fresh wave of tears out, “And I’ve been lying to you about how I’ve been feeling this whole time…because I just don’t want you guys to see what a fucking mess I really am!” “You’re not a mess-” Zack tried to interrupt, only for Melissa to cut him off. “No, don’t…don’t keep the lie going any longer than it has to…” she sobbed, “I act like I’m tough, but…I’m just a terrified wreck of a person who can’t stand the thought of losing the people she cares about…that’s me. That’s selfish, paranoid, obnoxious Melissa Lily Chase…”

With that, the broken redhead turned away and started sobbing all-out into her hands, her limbs shaking with every loud sob echoing from her body. She could feel the burn of hot tears rushing down her face, dripping from the tip of her nose onto her bed. Between every choked sob, she tried to take some breaths as if to calm herself, but all attempts failed as the tears kept on coming.

With every sob Melissa let out, Zack could feel his heart sink a little more. There was a part of him who still couldn’t believe this. How long had Melissa been keeping these feelings at bay? Did she really think that badly of herself just for being worried about Milo? His mind raced with questions, but he honestly couldn’t give less of a damn about getting the answers. All that mattered to him was giving support to someone who very badly needed it.

Without hesitation, Zack gently put his arms around Melissa’s back, gently rubbing her side with one hand and stroking her hair with the other. It took a moment for Melissa to register what Zack was doing, but the moment she did, she felt her muscles gently ease up at the feeling of his warm embrace. She could still feel her cheeks and nose wet from all the crying she’d been doing, and flushed a little in embarrassment. “I, uh…” she tried to break the silence, “I’m sorry you had to see me like this.” “You don’t need to apologize,” Zack told her gently, “I just wonder why you hadn’t spoken up about your feelings before. Milo’s an understanding guy, he’d be happy to listen to your worries.” “I just…” she sniffled, “I just don’t want Milo to start worrying about what goes on in my head all the time…and I don’t wanna seem like a controlling bitch.” Without warning, Zack put a hand over her mouth the moment she said the word “bitch”. He turned Melissa around to look at him and looked intently into her eyes, and spoke his mind.

“Listen to me, Melissa. You are not a ‘bitch’. You have never been a bitch. You’re worrying yourself that you’re a terrible person because you actually want what’s best for Milo! There’s nothing wrong with that. I know Milo is fine with the way things are but if you’re not, that’s completely okay. We may not be able to change Murphy’s Law, but we’ll always be able to help Milo throughout everything, and I know that cuz you’ve been doing that for seven years now, and I know you can keep doing that.” He gave her the warmest smile he could manage, despite the fact he now had tears of his own welling up in his eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with being scared, Melissa – as long as you don’t let it change who you are.”

In that moment, both 13-year-olds found themselves gazing into one another’s tearful eyes. Then, without another word, Melissa got closer to Zack and collapsed into his arms, wrapping her arms around his back. It didn’t take long for Zack to return the embrace, rubbing her back gently to soothe her emotions. They stayed there, in silence, for what felt like hours. Neither of them said a word. They didn’t have to, not right now at least. All they needed right now was right in front of them.

After so long of being locked in that embrace, Melissa pulled back a little, wiping one more tear from her face, before gently cupping her hands around Zack’s own face and tilted his head up so their eyes could lock once more. Both of them smiled tenderly as the tension that was in their minds evaporated.

Of course, there was just one more thing Melissa felt the need to say…

“Hey,” she whispered, getting Zack’s full attention. She now moved her hands down to gently clasp his own, and gave him a soft smile, grateful for all of what he’d done for her, not just today but in all the time they’d spent together in the past. She took one more deep breath as if to mentally prepare herself, and spoke the three magic words.

“I love you.”

There was a brief moment where Zack felt surprised, but that quickly gave way to an indescribable feeling of happiness, and it didn’t take long for him to respond.

“I love you too.”

Without hesitating for a moment, the tomboyish nerd and the dorky jock soon embraced one another in a long, soft kiss, tears of joy now streaming down their faces. Zack brought a hand up to gently caress Melissa’s cheek while Melissa put her arms around his back, deepening the kiss further.

Once they needed to break for oxygen, the two gently separated their lips, still having their noses touching. Suddenly a knock sounded at the door, and both of them flushed a bit before scrambling off each other – but they were still smiling widely after their passionate love display. The door opened and revealed Mr. Chase with a large cup of tea in hand. “Here you go, sweetie,” he spoke, bringing it over to his daughter, “I made you some tea. See if it helps your stomach.” “Thanks, Dad,” Melissa giggled a little in response. Zack couldn’t help blushing a little at how adorable he found that little laugh of hers. Mr. Chase now thought back to earlier and cringed a little, “I heard what sounded like vomiting earlier. Isn’t that your first time? I hope everything’s okay.” Melissa gave an awkward shrug, “It was scary at first, but…it wasn’t so bad. Especially since Zack was with me.” A sincere smile crossed her face, as she looked over at her best friend-turned-boyfriend, then at her loving father. “I know it sounds weird, but…this has been one of the happiest days I’ve had in a long time. Thank you both, so much. I’m so glad I have you both and Milo and everyone else in my life.” Zack and Mr. Chase now both brought Melissa into a group hug, and the former Lumberzack gently thanked her himself, “And thank you for being in ours.”

The End

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