Title: Love in the Shadows
Paring: Ashitaka x Reader (Princess Mononoke)
Word Count: 1.5k.
TW: gn!reader, one-sided love, slight angst, fluff at the end
divider by @saradika
The journey to the West had taken you farther than you had ever imagined. The forests, the spirits, the strange creatures—all of it seemed like a dream. But the reality was that you had chosen to follow Ashitaka, the brave prince from the Emishi tribe, on his quest to lift the curse that threatened his life. What you hadn't anticipated was the growing connection between him and San, the wolf girl.
The first time you saw them together, there was an undeniable spark. San, fierce and wild, yet gentle in her own way, seemed to understand Ashitaka in ways you couldn't. You had hoped to be his companion, his confidante, but watching them, you realized there was something deeper between them.
As days turned into weeks, you found yourself stepping back, giving them space. You pretended not to notice the way Ashitaka's eyes lit up when he talked about San, or the softness in his voice when he called her name. Your heart ached, but you hid it behind a smile, always supportive, always there for him.
One evening, as the sun set over the lush forest, you sat by a stream, lost in thought. Ashitaka had gone to meet San again, and you felt the familiar pang of loneliness. You had tried to keep your distance, to create opportunities for them to be alone. It was painful, but you believed it was for the best.
"This will be good for him," you thought to yourself, "he won't need me anymore." Placing your feet into the stream, you watch the golden rays of the sun turn the sky pink and gold over the forest as the water runs through your toes. Kodamas circle you as if keeping you company for your ever-growing loneliness.
Ashitaka, however, noticed your absence. At first, he didn't understand why you were always busy, always finding excuses not to spend time with him. Every time he would try to meet with you, you just brushed him off or hurried away to help the ladies of Iron Town. He saw you being pulled in different directions of the town, seeing you interact with the townspeople, smiling and laughing without him at your side.
He missed your presence, your laughter, the way you always seemed to know what he needed. It bothered him, more than he wanted to admit.
One night, after another meeting with San, he found you sitting alone, curled up by the fire. Your eyes drooped lazily, in a sleep haze, just looking at the flames. The light flickered on your face, casting shadows that mirrored the turmoil in your heart. He approached you, concern evident in his eyes.
"Why have you been avoiding me?" he asked softly.
You looked up, startled, and forced a smile. "I haven't been avoiding you, Ashitaka. I've just been busy."
He frowned, not convinced. "Busy with what? We're on this journey together. We've always faced everything together."
You sighed, knowing you couldn't keep lying to him. "Not anymore, my prince. We are no longer a pair. Ashitaka, you have San now. She needs you, and you need her. I don't want to get in the way."
His frown deepened, and he sat down beside you. "You're not in the way. You're my friend. I care about you."
Those words, meant to comfort, only made your heart ache more. You looked away, unable to meet his gaze. "I just think it's better this way."
He was silent for a long moment, and you could feel the weight of his stare. "Is that really what you want?"
No, it wasn't what you wanted. What you wanted was to be by his side, to share his burdens and his joys. But you couldn't say that. Instead, you nodded. "Yes. It's for the best."
Ashitaka didn't respond immediately. He seemed lost in thought, struggling with something within himself. Finally, he reached out, taking your hand in his. "I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you."
Your breath caught, and for a moment, you dared to hope. But you knew it was impossible. San had his heart, and you couldn't compete with that. "You won't lose me," you said, gently pulling your hand away. "I'll always be here for you, Ashitaka. Just… not in the same way."
Days passed, and despite your efforts to distance yourself, Ashitaka kept trying to reconnect. He sought you out, insisting on spending time together, even if it was just in silence. It was confusing, painful, and a constant reminder of what you couldn't have.
One evening, you were walking together through the forest in awkward silence. No conversations to fill up the space, just you and him walking along the trail. Feeling uncomfortable, you keep your eyes forward and look at the scenery.
Kodamas follow you two, smiley and jumping around your feet. Making sure to keep a good distance between you and him, you start to smile and play with the kodamas.
Realizing the physical space between the two of you, Ashitaka attempts to get closer to you. He took some larger steps and is now less than half an arm's length away from you. He observes your expressions of glee, interacting with the kodamas, and his heart pangs.
Why haven't you looked at him like that in so long? What has caused this change in your relationship with one another?
As he reaches out to grab your attention, you trip over a root and fly into the ground. Ashitaka quickly tries to hold you but ultimately fails. Instead, he opts to shield you from hitting the dirt, sending both of you tumbling down the small hill.
After some rolls, you guys eventually stop. Ashitaka, now leaning over you with his arms by your head, looks down at you wide-eyed. Both of you breathing hard, just bask in the after-effects of the fall. Realizing how precarious the position looks, you attempt to push him off and get up. He does not budge. You look up at him questionably.
Looking down at you and realizing he's got you trapped between his arms, he blurts the words that had been haunting him, "I've been thinking a lot about us. About you. You've always been there for me, even when I didn't realize it. And now, I don't want to lose that."
You stopped, your heart pounding. "Ashitaka…"
He shakes his head, "why have you been avoiding me? Do you no longer like me?"
"No!" you shout, "of course not. I've just been busy…"
He looks at you, unimpressed with your excuse.
You look to the side, unable to hold his gaze, "I've been putting distance between us so that you can hang out with San more."
"San?" He questions. "Why?"
"Well, I've seen how you look and talk about her. It's one of love and I'm not going to be the wall between you guys."
"Why? San is my friend and you are too."
You just continue looking away, tears starting to pool in your eyes. "Yes, you are my friend too."
Taken back by your glassy eyes, he backs up in surprise, allowing you to push him off and make your way back to the town.
"Wait!" he shouts, trailing after you, attempting to get your attention.
You continue walking away, arms wrapped around your body, ignoring him.
Catching up to you in quick strides, he wraps his arms around you. "You are special to me," he whispers. "You are the only one to stay by my side and hold strong to us. Please, don't leave me behind."
Tears now falling, "Ashitaka," you say shakily, "I love you."
His eyes widen but his hold tightens around you.
"I've put space between us because I know you love San and I want what's best for you."
Turning you around, he clasps the side of your arms. "San is only my friend. You are who I love!" he declares, face to face.
You stared at Ashitaka, his words echoing in your mind. He loved you. The truth of it struck you with an overwhelming mix of relief, joy, and disbelief. You had spent so long hiding your feelings, convinced that his heart belonged to San.
"Ashitaka, I..." you began, your voice trembling. "I thought you loved San. I saw the way you looked at her."
Ashitaka's grip on your arms tightened slightly, his eyes earnest and filled with emotion. "San is a dear friend, but my heart has always been with you. I just didn't realize it until you started pulling away. It made me see how much you mean to me, how much I need you."
Tears streamed down your face as you looked up at him, your heart swelling with hope.
A soft smile spread across Ashitaka's face, and he gently wiped away your tears. "Then let's not waste any more time," he said. "Let's face whatever comes together, as we always have."
He pulled you into a tender embrace, holding you close as if afraid to let go. You wrapped your arms around him, feeling the warmth of his body against yours, the steady beat of his heart. In that moment, all the pain and uncertainty melted away, replaced by the profound joy of being with the one you loved.
Ashitaka leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in a gentle, loving kiss. It was a promise, a testament to the journey you had shared and the future you would build together.
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