This sounds like it could be terrible for everyone involved! 10 for Gaius and Rytlock if you're still doing the writing prompts!
The Way You Said "I Love You"...
Not to me
Rytlock didn’t like waiting. It wasn’t that he was impatient, not really, but when there was nothing he could do but wait, he began to feel useless. What was the point in being a four-hundred pound wall of sharp teeth and sharper instinct if there was nowhere to direct that ferocity? At some point he’d learned that sometimes it was better to wait–he didn’t know when it’d happened, but life was like that. You clawed and roared and railed and suddenly half the soldiers you grew up with were ashes spread throughout the valley and your bones ached and your cub was betraying everything you stood for.
His tail lashed and he shivered, wishing that there was something–anything–for him to fight. A fight would be easy, much easier than huddling in an icebound cave. Anything that wasn’t waiting for Horncleaver to wake up.
The commander’s face and right paw were covered in bandages; makeshift rags torn from Rytlock’s own clothes. It was hard to look at Horncleaver as he lay there–he looked small, and peaceful, and not at all the way he’d looked when he’d died, but wasn’t this how it worked when war didn’t take you? The last time, he’d been torn and ragged, ferocity frozen in a defiant snarl. This was slow and peaceful and awful while those who were left watched, and even though it wasn’t Rytlock’s fault this time, he couldn’t shake the lingering guilt.
“When he wakes up, you should tell him how you feel,” Crecia commented from where she sat nearby. “Glad that got you to stop snarling at thin air.”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rytlock growled–it was harsher than he’d intended, but with Cre, when wasn’t he? He could never be direct and say what he wanted; that was a conflict she’d never shared.
“You love him, fool. You should tell him, before he moves on without you.”
He turned, finally peeling his eyes off of Horncleaver, and found her watching him tiredly. Her chartreuse eyes didn’t seem bitter, but–he stopped that thought before it could go further. It’d been the dragon wringing those words from their throats back in the marshes. There was no need to bring up that hurt, however true it may have been–or however much they believed it to be, at least. Despite himself, the growl still grew in his throat, and Crecia cut him off with a sigh.
“I know you, Rytlock. I’ve known you a long time, and I know, even before this mess,” Cre paused, gesturing around the cave, “you were mooning after the commander during the whole rally, like he’d hung the stars. It doesn’t take a love doctor to see it; seeing him in action, I can’t even say I don’t understand why.”
And, burn her, she wasn’t wrong. At any point that Horncleaver wasn’t avoiding him or he himself wasn’t busy, Rytlock was watching him. He’d approached once or twice, but for the most part, just allowed the commander to feel out the valley on his own, even when showing him around was the best excuse in the book. No, there was no chance Rytlock would have actually spoken to him–being in the valley was too disorienting, altogether too nostalgic and too different all at once.
“Doesn’t matter if I love him, Cre. I already fucked over that ship.” He lashed his tail and huddled closer to the fire. “Just like I did with you.”
Cre sighed. “That’s not an apology.”
Gaius whistled through his nose, and Rytlock wondered, vaguely, if he was dreaming, and what it might be about. That damned Norn arrow–or rather the bow, Rytlock supposed–was keeping him under, and the anxiety of waiting for Horncleaver to surface turned into a morbid curiosity for whatever it was the sleeping charr might be experiencing. He remembered, distinctly, that Gaius had never told him what it had been like when he was dead.
To be fair, though, he hadn’t answered when Gaius asked what had happened in the Mists, and well. One thing had definitely led to the other.
“You’re snarling again,” Cre sighed.
“I haven’t said anything.”
“It’s on your face. Don’t you feel your muzzle pulling up?”
Rytlock felt his hackles rise, and he found himself on his feet, standing over her. “My muzzle’s none of your business, Cre. Leave it.”
Rytlock turned and stomped away from the fire and towards–nowhere. Outside the cave the wind howled like ghosts calling their names, carrying snow not in flakes but in thick, congregating flurries that threatened to strand them if it kept up as it was. He sighed and kicked against the growing wall of snow, causing the accumulation to collapse into the cave and cover his paws in the frosty stuff.
“When you’ve realized you can’t run away from this like everything else, why don’t you come back here and change his wraps?”
“And what,” Rytlock asked, brows furrowing as he turned, “does that mean?”
“It means exactly what I said, Rytlock. When things don’t go your way, you get angry, and then you run. But there’s nowhere to go out here, unless you want to wander right into the grave, or worse, into Jormag’s claws. So you finally have a chance to confront something and make up for one of your fuckups, or are you going to gripe and groan until your pet dragon comes and saves us all, and you can keep on pretending–poorly I might add–that you don’t care?”
“She’s not a pet!”
“You all keep saying that, and I’m still not sure what it means. It’s not your pet, and it’s not a weapon, but it is a dragon.”
Rytlock crouched over Gaius and busied himself with peeling a shred of what had been Rytlock’s undershirt off his face. He wondered, idly, if he’d so those eyes look his way again; a moment later, he realized this one was a loss. “She’s as close to a daughter as he’s gonna get.”
Crecia was quiet while Rytlock tended to Gaius, long enough that he was almost done and was beginning to think that she’d finally moved on when she spoke.
“You changed the subject.”
“Why won’t you let it be?”
“There’s nothing else for us to talk about,” she said, pointedly. Rytlock growled, but knew better than to challenge her, given how low the bar was for more preferential conversation topics.
“I don’t know what you want me to do, Cre. He’s not even conscious. He might not–”
“He’s going to wake up. I want you to be ready for that.”
“So?”
“So practice, Rytlock. Tell him what you need to.”
Rytlock huffed, and the wind howled outside their cave. He felt very much as if he was on the spot, even though Gaius wasn’t even conscious, and Crecia was more or less inconsequential to what he had to say. He paused, and considered; he didn’t want to sound desperate–and then he felt stupid. It didn’t matter how desperate he sounded now, that was the point of practice.
“You haven’t said anything yet,” Crecia observed.
“I’m thinking.”
Or, of course, desperation was what he needed. Maybe if he’d fucking pushed aside his shame, and anger, and…fear, Horncleaver wouldn’t have spent the entire rally as far away from him as he could get.
“I love you,” he hears himself whisper. He knows the murmur is easily lost in the howling of the wind, and he clenches his eyes shut tight and wrings the remains of the bandages in his paws as if tearing it to shreds would make it give the commander back his sight.
He remembers the fear and the guilt that had followed him like a dark cloud back in Elona, and the disgust in Horncleaver’s eyes when he’d offered him Sohothin to replace his souldagger in the confrontation against Balthazar.
“I love you, Gaius.”
There was a rustle of fabric, and a groan, and Rytlock opened his eyes, holding his breath, as Horncleaver shifted, and remained unconscious. Rytlock watched his chest rise and fall for several moments, and then felt a whisper tickle the back of his mind, “‘I love you’ isn’t an apology.”
Rytlock inhales shakily and shifts his gaze away; Crecia is watching him, but he can't tell if there's bitterness in her eyes. He doesn't say anything else, and they wait in silence for the blizzard to end.
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Homesick
I think a part of me will always be homesick.
I miss the comforter I used all my life, the footsteps of my grandpa in the hallway as he left for work, the coffee machine being turned on at 5 am, the dogs that barked at first light.
The neon green I painted my bedroom walls, the trampoline in the backyard, the cracks in the driveway, the bird nest in the rafters of the front porch.
The giant magnolia tree outside my bedroom window, the frogs that croaked on the window ledge, the whirlybirds that spun in the wind, the hiss of the water hose when washing cars.
The neighbor mowing his lawn at 7 am on Saturday, the smell of barbecue on the grill, the family swing by the shed, the daffodils that grew in between the fences, the decals for every holiday we hung on the windows, the cds we played when swimming.
I miss it, goddamn do I miss it.
The memories of my childhood home make me fall to my knees when I let them wash over me.
I grew up there, that house saw me grow up long enough for me to leave.
I don’t think a house will ever feel the same as that one did.
I don’t think know I’ll never stop being homesick for my childhood.
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