#Rediscovering Your Identity After Kids

[goodgirldelusions]

The empty nest phase can be both challenging and exciting. As children leave home, parents often experience a mix of emotions, from loneliness to a sense of loss. However, this transition offers a unique opportunity to rediscover yourself. Learn how to navigate this change, overcome feelings of isolation, reconnect with your passions, and set new personal goals. Embrace this new chapter of life and create a fulfilling, vibrant future for yourself. Empty nest, self-discovery, and personal growth are just the beginning! Check out the full article now at g00dgirldelusi0ns.wordpress.com.

[shewolfofvilnius]

you do an absolutely ridiculous amount of stuff in BG3

i mentioned this in a reddit reply to a post i made but the amount of stuff you deal with in BG3 as a player is enough for like twenty individual DND campaigns - and instead you have ALL OF THIS going on at the same time:

It's wild given the duration of time but that is such an active period of time in terms of what you're actually doing.

*Stop an elder brain infused and overpowered with Netherese magic

*Kill at least two of the Chosen of the Dead Three, one of whom has a boss form that is a transformed avatar of that god

*rescue Selune's daughter (or kill her)

*potentially overturn a century-old Sharran curse that killed thousands AND later confront Shar herself after (probably) killing the Mother Superior of the Sharran cell of Baldur's Gate (AND possibly setting up your companion to become her chosen)

*stop a centuries old vampire overlord from slaughtering thousands of spawn in order to become an Ascendant Vampire (and possibly help your companion become one)

*potentially kickstart a githyanki civil war that leads one of the two factions to possibly reunite with the githzerai, which is insane,

*potentially install a new Archmage of Baldur's Gate after probably killing the old one (alternately, helping the old one achieve immortality)

*and along the way you also spite Mystra a couple of times (and possibly set up a companion to become a rival god) which leads to Elminster (or at least a simulacrum of him) showing up in your path twice.

*You can possibly have to deal with the kua-toa imbuing a redcap with a tiny sliver of the power of a god (enough that if a Durge pledges to be BOOOAL's chosen, Bhaal gets legitimately pissed and you get a big hint as to Durge' identity WAY earlier).

*Silvanus clearly has a hand in the events of the grove, and seems to be eyeing Arabella as either a powerful follower or possibly a future chosen, and you're placed in the position of potentially helping her.

*A son of Mephistopheles actively tries to get you to deal with him so that he can seize total power over the universe.

*You have two different but intersecting plot chains at least tangentially involving Zariel (Wyll & Mizora, plus her top fighter/pet Karlach), while the main non-companion B-plot of the game (Elturian Refugees) is a direct epilogue to the Descent Into Avernus campaign.

*You find out what happened to both Balduran AND his legendary dragon Ansur and have to do something about it.

*Jergal just chills out in your camp making fun of your love life, and you just have to sort of put up with it.

*And related to above, along the way you probably meet the person who becomes your spouse/beloved, all but one of which tie into the above.

*And Minthara (the only one I hadn't mentioned yet) was at one time in her life a highly favored woman of her powerful house who was personally handpicked by two of the aforementioned Dead Three's chosen, and you can either slay her or recruit her.

*AND if you're Durge you also get the fun happy b-plot of your own showdown with not just your sister but your father, and either becoming Chosen of Bhaal or at minimum personally resurrected from the dead by Jergal if not made his Chosen (it's conflicting exactly what Redeem Durge' status is w Withers/Jergal exactly).

*and that's not even including rediscovering the ancient Sharran grymforge, the Shadow Druids' plot, the fate of the Harpers, the dude who wants to blow up refugee kids, the gondians, the ironhand gnomes' misadventures, Mol's whole deal, and like 30 other side plots.

That is a lot. No wonder we make it from level 1 to level 12 in just four months.

[jokeroutsubs]

[📝ENG translation] 'My Parents Gave Me a Strong Sense of Identity'

An interview with Bojan Cvjetićanin.

Original article written by Teja Roglič for Ona plus, published 05.11.2024. English translation by @kurooscoffee, review by @weolucbasu, proofread by IG Gboleyn123.

Full article and Spotify link under the cut 👇

🎧 Article available in audio form on Spotify.

Last year’s craze at Stožice, summer festival performances, the Eurovision Song Contest, international success. And then everyone asks, what could be bigger, what could be better? But as the band Joker Out releases their new album, they consciously follow the motto "I want less". Singer Bojan Cvjetićanin explains why: "This is our home, this is our base. If we don’t feel good at home, we can’t feel good anywhere. We need to rediscover love in our base, that’s what we told ourselves."

With the song Bluza, you’re returning to love. Why?

We went through a lot. The songs we released after Eurovision dealt with the most acute situational changes in our lives—touring, exhaustion, questioning ourselves. Now, it’s time to have a bit of fun again. And there's probably nothing more beautiful than being in love. (smiles)

I’ve been looking into people’s stories, into the lives of those around me, seeking beauty.

What did you discover?

That I enjoy writing about love the most. When you write from a place of uncertainty, it’s nice to get those feelings out; when you write about love, you search for timeless beats within yourself, not something that’s only fleeting. I write about the ideals of love I held as a child, and in the future, I’ll see how these have either evolved or fallen apart.

It's best to write about love...

When you have a broken heart.

Your Eurovision song was more socially critical, though it might seem, at first glance, to be about joy. In it, you say: "We won’t take part in your games or your divisions." Did the song’s message reach people?

Undoubtedly. A lot has changed in a year and a half, not only personally but also in terms of our views of social issues. For the first time, we've connected with young people from abroad. It was fascinating to see how connected the fans from different countries became, encouraging each other, learning new languages—even a lot of Slovene. The desire for peace and unity is very strong at our concerts, so our messages have touched them. But of course, you can never reach everyone. (smiles)

You mention changed perspectives with regards to society. Have any ideals been shattered?

Many ideals have crumbled. In school, learning about war, it always seemed odd to me that the world could just go on at the same time, despite the ongoing disruption in the system. Now, I see that we have access to all the information, that we see and hear what’s happening, that we witness an influx of people coming from regions where this is happening, yet everything literally carries on as usual.

War has become more of a trend on TikTok or Instagram than something people feel hurt about. This makes me very sad.

A lot of ideals that have shattered relate to the life of a musician. We’ve achieved things we could only have dreamed of—not just as kids; even two years ago, what’s happening now would have seemed impossible to me. But the ideal that’s crumbled is this one: I don’t always know how to appreciate what I have.

On tour, I often slipped into negative thoughts, didn’t appreciate everything happening to us. This links to the idea that this kind of life is easy, that as a successful musician, you only have fun. This, of course, isn’t true; it’s incredibly exhausting, both mentally and physically. I could go on until tomorrow, listing everything that’s fallen apart, but fortunately, a lot of new things have also come to be.

You’re the idols of generations; do you feel pressure because of that? After all, you’re still young guys too…

No. We already lost the childlike joy of music because we had to start working so much so early and get to know so many new systems. If we also take on the responsibility of raising generations of kids, we could truly fall into a black hole.

We need to be role models, but we can’t shape our work around that. On the upcoming album, there’s a song, 'Muzika za decu' ('Music for children'), which touches on this very point. We want to convey that we’re not addressing generations who think all younger people are lazy bums who only hinder the world’s progress. We’re addressing everyone who is young enough at heart to believe in a better world, a brighter tomorrow.

Photo: Vita Orehek

More and more musicians are stopping concerts at large venues when fans are in distress or overcrowding happens. You too?

Absolutely. This summer, we constantly stopped concerts if people were packed tightly indoors or out in the sun. We handed out a lot of water from the stage, and I even paused a concert if some listener (m.) was treating another listener (f.) disrespectfully. A concert is a safe space; there’s no place there for infringing on the rights of others.

That’s an interesting topic I wanted to touch on anyway. So what is the rock ‘n’ roll world of the new generation like?

It’s a lot better. I’m glad we’re not a group of drugged-out dudes living only for today. Carpe Diem really means seize the day, but for us, that doesn’t mean picking every fruit that exists in the world. Waking up healthy and energised, wanting to go to a concert, being open to meeting new people, our fans, being creative...

That’s what it means to seize the day. Sure, sometimes we go on a trip, we do have fun too. But I’m glad that sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll aren’t our guiding principles in the band. When we watched the documentary about Mötley Crüe, we saw how they started with heroin and opiates and ended with smoothies and fruit. Well, we’re already at the fruit and smoothies stage. (laughs)

“We’re constantly building a relationship that gets deeper every day, even though it seems like it can’t get any deeper,” you told me before the Stožice concert, as I was stunned when you said you were going on holiday with the guys right after the concert. How much do you invest in relationships within the band? We know it’s sometimes challenging to nurture a relationship between two people, let alone five.

This is like a partnership with five people. Except for intimacy, all the other elements of partnership are there. We’re companions. We often live together, work together; the dynamics are demanding. I talk a lot about this with fellow musicians. Recently, I was talking to Mr. Vlado Kreslin, and we concluded that being in a band requires a touch of madness.

Even if it ends someday—nothing is guaranteed—I know I have four lifelong friends. We exist as friends even beyond the band.

Success demands hard work; you’ve told me before how sure you were of your path in the band, of your decisions, and how hard you worked to achieve what you have. And we’re back to the topic that some might say your generation isn’t hardworking, that you’re quick to say what you won’t do at the work place...

The young people I know could hardly be described as not hardworking. I’d rather say we’re diligent, and the drive to work comes from the strong pressure that you need to achieve a lot very quickly, or else you won’t make it in this world. As for them being quicker to say no... Maybe they know they can’t live that way if something doesn’t work. And to live is very costly.

Young people feel they don’t have to stick rigidly to one profession, that they can change courses, jobs, and find something that suits them. We’re far from the days when the son was a blacksmith because the father was a blacksmith, and the daughter stayed home as a housewife. But we also have to know that there’s more and more uncertainty, precarious work.

If Gen Z is the way it is, I wouldn’t attribute that to the generation itself but rather to the Boomer generation. Everything that makes life harder for us isn’t the product of our ideas and actions. But it’s also true that sometimes, you need to stop, think, and make a decision. I’d like to do something today, something different tomorrow, but that’s not realistic. When you’re bombarded by choices from all ends, you have to make decisions. If there are three shirts in a store, I’ll pick one; if there are 250, I might end up buying sneakers instead. (laughs)

You performed at a concert aimed at contributing to the best possible care, treatment, and support for women with gynaecological cancer. You probably get invited to participate in quite a few charitable events; how do you choose them? This concert likely wasn’t a hard choice, as both of your parents are doctors...

My father is a gynaecologist, my mother is a pediatrician, so naturally, when I got the invitation, I immediately thought my dad would be happy if I could perform there. Otherwise, I choose events based on two criteria: whether it’s something important and whether I’m home at that time. I've often had to turn down an event I would have really liked to participate in simply because I wasn’t here.

Life has taken you all over in recent years. What have your parents given you that has stayed with you and has been proven most useful today?

They gave me a sense of normality. I'm an ordinary person who takes everything in moderation. I didn’t become a hedonist, nor did I give in to the patterns that the environment might impose. They gave me a strong sense of who I am and what I am, unconditional self-confidence, and self-respect. And the certainty that I’m never alone in anything.

Recently, the dramaturg Nina Kuclar Stiković and I talked about how Generation Z might be the first to actively work through its traumas, though she noted that taking on such responsibility across generations is a huge task. In the end, you might even feel worse. If you only become aware of your baggage but can’t overcome it, it can feel even worse than if you had never been made aware of it at all, she said. What do you observe around you, in your own generation?

Mental health has never been as openly discussed as it is today. I know many people who go to therapy. It’s actually strange that mental health was never treated before, that this stigma existed. If you have a cold, you stay home, you also heal a broken arm. Today's generations have managed to break free from these shackles. The individual is becoming increasingly more important.

People are working through the things in their minds. And this bothers many people from generations who suppressed everything and unleashed their traumas onto others. I often think how unfortunate it is that we don’t practice everyday therapy in our surroundings. Everyone surely has someone whom they trust. We talk about all sorts of things, but we never ask each other how we are and share that honestly. Now, I do this with a few friends, and it’s really nice. I go to my friends for therapy. (smiles)

Nina also mentioned that patriarchy has wronged not only women but men too. It’s unfair that men couldn’t show emotions and always had to be strong. It always helps if you can share your feelings with someone. What do you think?

The Neanderthal perception of masculinity is passé. We can all first tell ourselves, and then tell others, how we feel and what’s going on in our heads.

This summer, you performed at festivals. Now you have a new album, and you’ll be performing at various venues again, with tickets quickly selling out. It's a carousel that never stops. You mentioned earlier that you caught yourself maybe not appreciating it anymore. What do you do now to keep that from happening?

For the tour that’s coming with the release of the new album, we consciously followed the motto, "I want less." Last year, we played in Stožice, before that in Križanke. This year, we toured Europe, and everyone was asking us what big thing we’re preparing next. But we were only talking about how nice it would be to play at Ljubljana's Cvetličarna again.

Pass by Maribor too, go a bit to the clubs in the Balkans, and that’s it. This is our home; this is our base. If we don’t feel good at home, we can’t feel good anywhere. We told ourselves that we need to find love in our base again. I’m glad we recognise this, that we’re not just banging our heads against a brick wall. The purpose of this tour is simply to enjoy it.

A few years ago, you told my colleague Robert Rebolj, my fellow journalist, and your fellow musician, that you’d like to have kids while still young. Yet you also say that you're in a period where several of your ideals have collapsed as you look at the world around you. Does the desire still remain?

When I said that, I was thinking I’d have my first child between the ages of 28 and 30. Then Robert told me that having a child young doesn’t necessarily mean that. (laughs) I see it now, too, as some of my friends already have children, and some even their second. My calendar no longer just has friends’ birthdays, but, for instance, the first birthday of a friend’s child. (laughs) Yes, I think a lot about how this world is in many ways not what I imagined it would be, but I guess it’s always been that way throughout history—things have never been ideal. I think everyone, in every era, has felt the world is going to- hmmm, well, that’s how it seems to me too. (laughs)

[kakiastro]

Saturn Aries-Training your dragon

Saturn- the planet of structure and discipline, how to be responsible and respectful to others. How you portray yourself to others is important to Saturn. Being practical and taking your time is treasured.

Aries- the sign that’s ruled by Mars. Aries are the go getters, the ones who don’t mind taking the risk. They will rather epically fall than not try at all. They have a physical impulse that drives them. They don’t mind starting over if it feels right.

The planet that takes its time and the sign that’s a risk taker is a tricky relationship to be in. These natives struggle with wanting to go for but also waiting it out. They have the passion and desire of an Aries but they have to learn the patience of Saturn.

-these natives grew up having parents that taught them independence at an early age. “You got knocked down, now get up and fight!” Was a mantra that was taught to them at an early age. These natives had parents /guardians who were practiced tough love on them. Think training a warrior and how they had to grow up quickly. “All my life I had to fight” is a quote these natives are all to familiar with. They may be close to the Martian family members, those with Aries or Scorpio placements. Those family members understand that intense energy so it’s easier to be with them.

-they were taught about the harshness of the world at a young age and life isn’t fair. You have to fight and go after what you want. They developed the ambition trait early on in life

- many of these natives could’ve grown up in a home where there was fighting or lots of discussions and debates. This may have caused them to not want to deal with confrontation as they get older. They will start to learn starting age 27 on how to stand up for themselves without the use of pure anger that they grew up hearing.

- many of these natives could’ve of grew up in a military, law enforcement, firefighter/working with fire burn victims, criminal/gangster, entrepreneur, boxer/fighter, butcher, welding/mechanics, medical phlebotomist (blood draw) type of families. Look back on your life and see if you notice any Aries themes

- due to the high expectations on them placed on them by their families, they may struggle with self identity issues and trying to figure out who they are. They knew it when they were children but adults told them different. Their whole identity may have been what their families want them to be instead of trying to figure out who they really are. As they get older though, they’ll know exactly who they are and who they always should’ve been.

With Chiron currently in Aries and their returns approaching , they are rediscovering and doing lots of healing

- they could be named after someone who’s seen as a hero to there parents such as a grandparent or another relative, or a heroic public figure. They could also have a unique or different name compared to other family members. Their names could be “one of the new popular ones.”

-since Aries is the physical body and Saturn is discipline, they would do well in martial arts or yoga. Stretching their bones and or doing any movement can help.

-they may be prone to depression when it comes to their physical body and not liking it due to not exceeding their expectations. Write down 3 things you love about yourself. Then 3 more the next then 3 more the next. Practice them in the mirror everyday if you need too. When you start embracing all of you, including your flaws. your confidence will be unmatched.

- these natives will be the type of parents that will teach their kids to go after what they want but plan thoroughly because this is something they’re mastering themselves in this lifetime.

- they will have their kids be involved in all types of physical activities that they didn’t get to do growing up. They have to make sure they’re not living through their kids and not have too demanding expectations like they were put under. They have to let their kids discover who they are themselves and they are there to catch when they fall.

- Saturn Aries and Saturn Capricorn would understand each other because there’s a lot of similarities between the two.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this post!

[yannaryartside]

Can Carmy find his own peace?

I didn't know how to answer this question, but I recently finished my favorite book about healing from trauma. And the author may have an answer to that. This is an extract of the foreword.

.

This is my interpretation of the motives of the show:

Syd loves the person Carmy truly is, and Claire loves the person Carmy wants to pretend to be/limits himself to be (Logan, the Bear, the shy kid she met in school, Mickey's little brother, the broken but successful chef). Claire doesn't have any interest in making him evolve from that. In other words, Claire loves Carmy's protective self.

So, for Carmy to find true peace, he needs to let go of that protective self and accept all of himself, let go of the bear, and let the man go forward.

Do you know what is the biggest indicator of Sydney loving Carmy's true self, despite how little time they have spent together?

THE DISH

She could have loved the dish Carmy was coerced to do by that chef that humiliated/abused him like Donna did (a reflection of who he became due to the abuse he endured) but no, SHE LOVED THE MOST PURE DISTILLATION OF CARMYS FEELINGS, HIS HEART IN A PLATE, HIS TRUE IDENTITY AND EXPRESSION

you cannot get more intentional than that.

Sydney's peace comes from trust, which can only come after acceptance and intention, while Claire's "peace" comes from numbness.

the book is called; Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse by Jackson MacKenzie (Author), Shannon Thomas (Foreword)

[theupfish]

One of the world's oldest and most persecuted religions is making a comeback

If you live in "the West," you might not have heard much about the Zoroastrian religion, outside of that memorable monologue in the first "Austin Powers" movie. But as priceless as that speech is, the Zoroastrian religion deserves to be known for more than just shaving Dr. Evil's balls. Actually, if you follow any Abrahamic faith, your religion owes its existence in part to Zoroastrianism.

Originating in Iran, Zoroastrianism is one of the world's oldest monotheistic religions. It's founder Zarathustra, AKA Zoroaster, lived some time between 1,500-1,000 BCE. He was one of the first in his part of the world to preach the idea of a single, non-corporal deity, as well as the idea of an eternal battle between good and evil. Fire factors into many Zoroastrian rituals, but they don't literally worship it, which is a common misconception.

In Hebrew school, my teachers taught us that ours was the first monotheistic religion. In my Hebrew teachers' defense, it was the 90s, and information was nowhere near as easy to come by as it is now; plus, half of them were in still high school themselves (our synagogue was tiny). In any case, Judaism took inspiration from Zoroastrianism. Zoroastrianism is to Judaism as "Dune" is to "Star Wars." And by extention, Christianity, Islam, Baha'ism, and the Druze religion have a bit of Zoroastrianism in them.

Zoroastrianism uh, declined after Islam became the main religion of Iran. Some Zoroastrians chose to remain in their homeland despite persecution. Others emigrated, and moved throughout the Middle East and South Asia before finally finding refuge in India. This group is now known as the Parsi people.

Freddie Mercury of Queen was a Zoroastrian Parsi.

Zoroastrianism has remained a small religion in numbers, not only due to the persecution, but also because like Judaism, Zoroastrianism has red tape for converts, which it doesn't seek out, and sometimes the kids of mixed marriages aren't counted as members of the faith. (Link)

However, Zoroastrianism is now making a comeback in Iran. The Islamic Republic of Iran has backfired, causing many Iranians to secretly leave Islam for other faiths. Since apostasy is punishable by death in Iran, the exact numbers of those who do so are hard to pinpoint, since they won't exactly broadcast it. Zoroastrianism, Baha'ism and Christianity are all popular choices, while many others are simply Atheist or Agnostic.

Zoroastrianism growing particularly among Kurds rediscovering their roots, and who particularly tend to feel disillusioned with Islam, what with the oppression and genocide and all that.

Many Iranian Muslims have a positive view of Zoroastrianism, recognizing its influence on their culture. Some more fundamentalist individuals on the other hand deny the identity and authenticity of this indigenous faith (And if you're Jewish, you're now saying to yourself, "Woa, deja vu!") But there are also many Muslim leaders who defend Zoroastrians, and call for peaceful coexistence.

And peaceful coexistence should always be the goal.

[pico-farad]

I was literally just searching for Aoi Zaizen fanart and ended up rediscovering your Secret Identities AU.

So...

I'm curious about how you'd do Spectre in it

Spectre is mainly the same as in canon, but with 5x the comedic potential from enabling the shit out of Ryoken. SIAU Ryoken just does not know how to function as a human so Spectre is kind of like... his deranged caretaker lol (and thrilled about it). I think it'd be funny if Spectre is a health nut who is trying to get fruits and vegetables into Ryoken but Ryoken just wants to eat hot dogs and drink Mountain Dew.

Plot-wise, since Aoi's corresponding antagonist is her brother and her final showdown of the season would be against him, I think I might have Go duel Spectre instead. I think it'd be an interesting matchup. Spectre is all about psychologically dissecting his opponents to reveal the ugliness inside. Honestly in that sense, it makes much more sense for Spectre to duel Go than it was for him to duel Aoi.

Go very obviously has holes and hypocrisies in why he duels; he's constantly telling Playmaker how he duels for others and he's a man of the people (in supposed contrast to how Playmaker duels for himself) but Go clearly has selfish motives himself, becoming resentful when children think Playmaker is cooler than him and having his heel turn after losing to Revolver. It's the kind of weakness Spectre would know exactly how to prey on. 

The conflict in the Aoi vs. Spectre duel would work better if it was with Go too, imo. Go is also an orphan (I mean, everyone in this series is) who grew up in an orphanage alone (unlike Aoi who had her brother), and I think that's why Go acts the way he does, at least in SIAU. He wants people to pay attention to him, he wants to feel loved, that's why he's a Charisma Duelist, that's why he becomes insecure when people's admiration shifts to Playmaker. I think Spectre would be a perfect opponent to bring all of that out of Go, and also establish an uneasy connection between the two.

I also mentioned here that I'm interested in a S2 plot where the Ignis are trying to take over the bodies of their Lost Incident kids, and that it would be a lot of fun if Earth infiltrated the Knights of Hanoi that way. Earth might turn into a whole different character by being an antagonist, but I think it'd be neat if Spectre is unable to employ his usual tactics of picking apart his opponent's psyche because Earth is made from him. And of course, Revolver has to duel Earth controlling Spectre's body, that's a given in Yugioh.

[ok-pop-1]

For the ask game, carve my name into my chest, please?

i'm super excited about that one-- actually just rediscovered it in the depths of my wip folder yesterday and picked it back up almost immediately. the fic itself is a oneshot about age joining the chain-- a bit like a character study with a plot, if that makes sense? it's gonna focus on the loss of identity age feels as a result of the events of aoc, and how that interacts with the chain and (especially) wild. pretty angsty, it'll have a hurt/comfort element to it. age is one of my favorite characters but there really aren't enough fics about him, so this is me throwing my own take onto the pile haha

snippet below the cut ^^

Going home for the first time after the war should be a relief. Your shoulders should be light after you return the sword and your soul should be bright as your home village crests the horizon, but it isn't. But you step on streets you barely recognize and dodge kids whose names you've forgotten and have to double-take your own door before knocking. And your sister looks at you the way you saw her looking at dad when you were little. Like she loves you, like you are a stranger.

"Hey," you say, voice cracked and weary from too many days at battle. "I'm back."

"Hey," she says, never crossing the doorway but turning, blotting your face out of her sight. "I'll get dinner ready."

There's a hole in your chest that's the shape of her when she was a little, and you want to scream as you slowly shed your gear and drop to sit at the table. You want to say I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry to the turned back at the door, but you don’t. You want to say that you know that half your salary, sent once a month, wasn't the brother she needed. You want to say dad should've been here, mom should've been here, you want to say she didn’t deserve to be alone.

The plates she uses are old and chipped and the dinner she warms up is bland and you want to say she deserves a better life than this. You want to say you're sorry you couldn’t give it to her, you're sorry you weren't enough, but you don’t.

Your childhood bed is gone. Your loft is now your sister's. You sleep in your parents' bed that night.

[eurovision-revisited]

Eurovision 2003 - Number 45 - Ruffus - "Eighties Coming Back"

It's Claire's Birthday! Seriously. Until shortly before EuroLaul 2003 Ruffus were called Claire's Birthday and had released three LPs in the early 2000s. They represent what is definitely a Baltic sensibility when it comes to Eurovision; a distinct soft alt or indie rock sound and attitude.

Eighties Coming Back is pure nostalgia encapsulated in gentle rock form. At this point in time, the 80s were not the flavour of the month. They had not yet come back. That was a least five years away - the thought of that era's return was unfashionable and the lyrics of the songs seem to convey that. The very thought inspires sleepless nights. Remembering the hairstyles conjures nausea and despondency. Yes kids, you're going to grow old. Then someone else's kids are going to rediscover your youth. They'll claim a remixed, subverted, artificial version of it as their own, and then it won't be yours any more. The whole song feels that malaise - the winding down at the end of a generation.

That's a bit too much of an existential crisis to be the norm for a Eurovision song and perhaps Ruffus did not expect to be here. They only won EuroLaul by a single point then could only reach 21st at Eurovision.

After their own identity crisis, the band split later in 2003. Lead singer Vaiko Eplik went solo and has released 16 subsequent albums at a rate of about one a year. He's also written two of the more celebrated EuroLaul and Eesti Laul entries in subsequent years. The rest of the band also stayed in the music industry. Bassist Ivo Etti joined Ewart and the Two Dragons, drummer Margus Tohver joined thrash metal band Palat, Siim Mäesalu went back into academia to study electronic music whilst Jaan Pehk turned to poetry but has been a guitarist in several other Estonian bands.

[motherhoodandmarriage]

How Do I Find Myself Again After Becoming a Mom?

You’re standing in the kitchen reheating your coffee again. The baby is fussing, there’s a half-written grocery list on the counter, and you can’t remember if you’ve eaten lunch. Somewhere in the swirl of nap schedules and Target runs, you find yourself quietly asking:

“How do I find myself again after becoming a mom?”

It’s a question that might start as a whisper, but the longer it goes unanswered, the louder it grows.

And you’re not alone. Identity loss after motherhood is real. You didn’t lose your edge, your ambition, your hobbies, or your spark, you just set them down to carry something really heavy. Let’s talk about what it means to come back to yourself, how to reconnect with who you are, and why that journey matters—not just for you, but for your marriage, too.

Why Losing Yourself Isn’t a Failure. It’s a Sign You Care

Motherhood invites you to give. Your body, your time, your energy, your sleep. There’s this internal (and often external) expectation that being a “good mom” means being selfless. But when that giving becomes a one-way street it’s easy for resentment, exhaustion, and confusion pile up fast.

Losing yourself doesn’t mean you’re weak or doing it wrong, it means you’re deeply invested. You care. A lot. You’ve been giving. A lot.

But you’re allowed to be both: deeply invested in your family and deeply rooted in your own identity.

What Happens When You Live Disconnected From Yourself

Here’s what I hear over and over from moms I work with:

“I don’t even know what I like anymore.”

“Everything revolves around my kids and I feel invisible.”

“I’m not the same person I was, but I don’t know who I am now.”

And when this disconnection goes unspoken or unresolved, it shows up everywhere:

You snap at your partner, even when they aren’t doing anything wrong.

Intimacy feels awkward or forced.

You feel low-grade anxious all the time, like something’s “off.”

You start comparing yourself to everyone else—on social media, in the school drop-off line, even your pre-mom self.

You feel jealous of everyone who seems to “Have it together.”

Here’s the truth: you don’t have to stay lost.

Why Finding Yourself Matters (and Not Just for You)

When you reconnect with yourself, you:

Make decisions more confidently

Parent with more intention

Experience more joy (even in the mundane)

Communicate more clearly with your partner

Set healthier boundaries

And maybe most importantly? You model self-worth and authenticity for your kids.

Showing up as your full self isn’t selfish, it’s the truest way to love your family. Your partnership included.

Client Story: Josie’s Journey Back to Herself

Let me share a story from one of my past clients, Josie:

“I thought I had it altogether and wouldn’t need a space to put myself out there, but after I had my son so many things were going on and I didn’t know what to do. I stumbled upon Chelsea’s work. Chelsea always gave important questions to talk through. In our time together I have really enjoyed diving into who I am and who my partner is and having Chelsea to come alongside me and walk through it all with me.”

Josie didn’t look like someone who felt lost. On the outside, she was doing all the things. But inside, she craved permission to explore her identity again. Through our work, she rediscovered her values, redefined what she wanted out of her days, and found new ways to connect with her partner. That’s not small. That’s life-changing.

5 Steps to Find Yourself Again After Becoming a Mom

Here’s what I want you to know: finding yourself again doesn’t mean “going back.” It means evolving by honoring who you were and who you’re becoming.

1. Ask Real Questions (and Give Yourself Real Answers)

Skip the surface stuff. Ask:

What do I miss about myself?

What do I love (or not love) about who I am now?

What do I need that I’m not getting?

And give yourself permission to be honest. This is where it starts.

📝 Try This: Journal for five minutes a day answering “What would I do if no one needed me today?”

2. Start with Micro-Yeses

You don’t have to book a solo trip to Bali. Reconnection often starts in 15-minute pockets. Read a book you chose. Listen to music that lights you up. Say yes to lunch with a friend. Say no to something out of obligation.

These small yeses rewire your brain to believe you matter and that your time, needs, and voice are valuable.

3. Reconnect With Your Body

So many moms live in a state of disconnection from their bodies. We treat our bodies like machines: feed the baby, carry the toddler, clean the mess. Even machines need to be plugged in to recharge and your body is no different. Maybe it’s an intense run or heavy weights. Maybe it’s yoga or a long walk through the park. You get to decide what makes you feel in tune with your body. And it’s not about numbers or weight, you’re so much cooler and more evolved than that, it’s about being in tune with you.

Movement, breathwork, rest, pleasure all of it matters.

📝 Try This: Spend 5 minutes every day checking in with your body. Stretch. Breathe. Ask, “What do you need today?”

4. Name Your Values

When you’re clear on what you value, decisions become easier and self-trust grows. You’re not just floating—you’re anchored.

📝 Try This: Choose 3-5 words that reflect your core values. Write them down and check in with them weekly. (Examples: creativity, freedom, presence, peace.) (This is something I do A LOT with my solo clients. If you want to explore this together, check out my services here.)

5. Talk Like a Team

You can’t find yourself in isolation. You need space, support, and shared understanding with your partner.

When you’re clear on who you are, it changes how you show up in your relationship. You can ask for help without guilt. You can invite intimacy without pressure. You can build a team, not just co-parents.

And if you’re struggling to talk through that shift? That’s what I help with. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

What Your Kids Need Most Is a Mom Who Knows Herself

Not a perfect mom. Not a Pinterest mom. Not even a “balanced” mom.

What they need is a mom who is present, human, and whole. And that starts with you believing you’re worth finding again.

So, if you’ve been asking, “How do I find myself again after becoming a mom?”—start here:

💡 Ask honest questions 💡 Take small steps 💡 Name your values 💡 Reconnect with your body 💡 Invite your partner into the journey

Want Help With That?

This is the kind of work I do with moms every day. If you’re ready to rebuild your identity, rediscover your voice, and feel like you again, let’s talk.

Tired of repeating yourself, biting your tongue, or wishing your partner just got it? Grab my free Communication Scripts and start saying what you really mean—without the guilt, shutdowns, or awkward tension. Because better conversations start with better language.

You deserve to feel like a full, whole human again. Motherhood didn’t erase you—it just gave you a new layer to explore.

[merrock]

CHARACTER INFORMATION

face claim: justin h. min

full name: devon kang

nickname(s) / goes by: devon

pronouns & gender: he/him, cis man

sexuality: heterosexual

birth date: june 14th, 1988

birth place: merrock, maine

arrival to merrock: local

housing: suburbs

occupation: author & shop worker

work place: bookends

family: mother, father, step-mother, two step-siblings

relationship status: single

PERSONALITY

Many people can describe Devon as enigmatic. Whether due to his standoffish demeanor, or his tendency to disappear during his moments of inspiration. Truthfully, he prefers to listen and observe, rather than talk about himself, but when he does, he can be the type to offer his sage advice. And he can talk your ear off when it comes things he’s excited about. A good guy overall, with a friendly nature, just has trouble relaying that to the people in his life.

WRITTEN BY: Bee (she/her), est.

BACKGROUND / BIO

Devon was born in Merrock, Maine to second-generation Korean-American parents. They spent most of his childhood working to provide him the life they didn't have growing up, but that was fine with Devon, he spent his time diving into books, or playing guitar, preferring the company of these over some of his own peers. A bit of an introvert, his parents blamed his ambition and his astute nature, not minding that he'd rather do his own thing than focus on being a kid, at least it had kept him out of trouble. It also kept him from noticing the ever-growing rift between the pair so any distraction was good to them.

During his senior year of high school, he thought about studying something worthwhile, but decided to get a degree in English. After all he spent years focused on books, it was nothing he couldn't handle. So he left for Princeton and hadn't planned on coming back. He was young and had dreams that seemed bigger than him, something he didn't think the small town could offer.

He found his own niche group of friends in college, and got an apartment in California with them after graduation. He primarily focused on the editing of his book, after he'd gotten an agent after years of submitting his work to publishing companies. Part of it was possible to a friend who had an in in publishing, but he likes to think it was all of his own doing rather than the connections he gained. He also spent his time indulging himself in parties, and casual dating, of things he never saw himself doing if he was back home. He finally felt somewhat free, and was happy the identity he made for himself.

Though his parents separated during his early twenties, it was nothing he hadn't been expecting. He assumed they only stayed together partly because of him, and because of some old traditional values they finally decided to change, but still he returned home to be closer to his parents, part of him homesick ever since he left. His mother remarried shortly after to a woman, and he got used to the idea of being a brother after spending his life as an only child.

As he continued to write his novels, working part-time at Bookends as a way to get out of his comfort zone, he slowly rediscovered himself. He joined a band and made friends with people he hadn't even noticed growing up. He doesn't view his hometown as the place he grew up in, but as the place where his life started again.

[dstortedstudios]

@shootsxruns

Money was no object, which was saying something considering how he had grown up. Being born in a Podunk town in Indiana and then moving to Brooklyn in the midst of the Great Depression for most of his formative years, he wasn't exactly prepared for having so much excess. As soon as he had left D.C. that fateful day, he had started to put a plan together in order to get himself set up. If he was going to remember who he was, the last thing that he needed to worry about was not having food or a place to stay.

Plus...being able to raid and ransack HYDRA caches that had been kept off the books for decades was pretty cathartic. It had become a bit of a hobby for him, oddly enough. It helped him blow off steam to be able to go rob the people that had robbed him of everything, so many times over.

Before he knew it, Bucky had more money than he felt like he could ever spend. So naturally, as soon as he was finally given the chance to spoil his kids, he was going to take the chance. Natasha had been his partner in crime on similar cache hunts over the years, before their separation and after they had rediscovered one another. The two of them had made extensive plans to treat Anya and Jamie to years worth of gifts. Between the two of them, they had money and ideas to spare. When they put their minds together, they had wound up with a small notepad full of ideas.

At the mention of Italy, Bucky felt his jaw clench just slightly. It was the same with much of Europe, if he were being honest, but there were a couple of places that contained some of Bucky's much darker recollections. He didn't let it drag him into those shadows though, instead offering a bit of a sheepish smile.

"Your mom an' I have enough material t' last until you an' your brother are in your 60's," he mused to her, not entirely unserious about it. "I'm sure Italy is in there somewhere but uh..." he tilted his head slightly, "I was thinkin' maybe next vacation could be Ireland..." He offered a small shrug. "If you an' your brother would be interested."

Above all, he wanted to make sure he was able to help give his kids a strong sense of their own identities. Just like Natasha and himself, the twins had been robbed of everything that made them feel like people. He wanted to give the twins a chance to experience as much as possible that could give them a stronger connection to their heritage.

𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐀 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐉𝐔𝐃𝐆𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐀𝐃 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐒. Aside from the fact that so much of her life he had been someone she respected too much for that , she also understood the troubles he ran into when doing something as simple as sleep. It wasn't something everyone could understood , and she instead would look at the small victories , like finding happiness when he did sleep longer than four hours.

She smiled , scrunching her face up slightly when he kissed the top of her head , lifting her mug of tea to take a sip as the gift was lightly dropped into her lap. With it being her birthday , and so many of them missed in the past thanks to simply not knowing it , she knew the gift was coming. That didn't change the curious look in her eyes as she studied the small gift box. Constantine perking up as if whatever was in the box might be for him.

It turned out nothing in the box was for him. When she opened the box , she sat in a little bit of quiet as she studied the contents of the box.

The necklace was in every way her. From the style , to the punched in characters that made up her name , to the sapphire stone that dangled with the other charms. Along with her birthday , their culture and religion had also been ripped from them by HYDRA , and Bucky had started the mission of taking that back for themselves had managed to spread like a wildfire within the family , causing the gift to mean a hell of a lot more than it probably cost.

❝ It's perfect. ❞ She determined with a soft and loving smile , leaning against her dad's side instead of a hug , due to how they were situated on the massive sofa. Squishing Constantine a little bit in the process. ❝ I'm gonna wear it every day. ❞ She moved to put the necklace on , before properly moving to hug her dad. ❝ Fancy necklaces and you rented out a massive lodge to vacation in? What's the plans for next year? Italy? ❞

@marvelmyriad.