#Rewriting the start at the moment because it's taken me so long that the writing style is different from the beginning to the end

[floret-botanica]

Favourite bit of dialogue from fic writing this week:

“The idea that, of all the people you bring home, I’m the one you’re sleeping with? Ridiculous!”

[grandprixwinnerlandonorris]

A Helping Hand | George Russell⁶³

Pairings: George Russell x fem!bestfriend!reader

Summary: feeling frustrated, you go to George for some aid where he offers to help you blow off some steam

Warnings: smut

A/N: goodness, this is the most I've spent on proofreading, rewriting and editing than on any of my other fics, probably because I babied this idea for a long time 💀 and probably because I was sick for the past few days that I couldn't do anything else except thinking about George taking care of me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it 🥰

You were frustrated. The irritation was welling up inside you, and there was no telling why. And nothing going your way wasn’t helping either. But what it is that you always do whenever you feel like this?

You go to George.

George and you were best friends for as long as you could remember. He played enormous role in your life, in a way that you would often refer to him as an older brother. No one else even came close to being as important to you as he was. He was always there to listen when you needed to rant about something, and the two of you were just as comfortable sitting in silence as you were engaging in deep conversations. Today was no different.

You walked over to George's apartment, knowing that he wouldn't mind your unannounced visit. You knocked on the door and waited a few moments before he answered, your mind racing with all the things you wanted to vent about. The door opened, revealing George’s smiling face.

“Hey there, buddy,” he said, pulling you into a hug. “What’s got you so worked up?” he questioned upon seeing your slumped shoulders and frowning face.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “I just know I’m feeling a lot and it’s not good.” you walked further into his apartment, running a hand through your hair.

George followed behind you. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You shook your head, "I don't even know what's bothering me. I'm just feeling so damn… restless." and leaned against his kitchen bar.

George nodded his head, eyes fixed on your face. He knew that look and the manner in which you spoke. George had experienced this before with you. You would continue to speak until the words dried up, and he knew it was in his best interest to listen attentively. And he wanted to do just that. To be a friend and not interrupt for once your thoughts were drifting by. He loved the feeling of neediness you gave him.

So you started to spill your troubles. From everything that happened to you since you woke up to this very moment in the afternoon. He listened patiently, nodding and frowning in all the right places. You continued to talk, your words flowing out in a jumbled mess as you tried to make sense of your emotions. George listened intently, offering words of encouragement when needed. As you spoke, he moved closer to you.

It wasn’t a subtle move, you very much noticed him getting up and walking up to you, caging you in between his arms he rested on the counter behind you. He bowed his head so that his eyes were in level with yours and leaned forward, the words dying on your lips as he did so. Your faces were now only inches away, the air around you charged.

“When was the last time you got laid?” he asked.

You were taken aback by his sudden change in demeanor. “W-What?”

He took a step back, giving you space to breathe. “You, my friend, are sexually frustrated.”

You hadn't been with anyone in a while, he was right, like he always was, but “And how do you know that?” there was annoyance in your voice as you crossed your arms.

He sat down in one of his kitchen chairs, leaning on the table behind and legs spread lightly.  “How long have we been friends for?”

“Almost twenty years. Why?” you frowned, not really seeing the point of this conversation.

He gave a slight nod in agreement. “And in that long period of time you think I wouldn’t have learned your,” his gaze traveled up your body until it finally settled on your eyes, “body language?” his tongue clicked.

You swallowed hard, feeling the atmosphere between you two shift. There was definitely an undercurrent of something more, but you weren’t sure if you were ready to go there just yet.

“This-That has nothing to do with this.” you choked out.

“So you’re saying,” he moved his head from side to side. “If I offered you a solution you would say no?” his eyes found yours again and his gaze was piercing.

You couldn't help but feel a shiver run down your spine as George's eyes locked with yours. You had expected a hug or some words of comfort, not a proposition. You knew what he was insinuating, and part of you was tempted to take him up on his offer. But the other part of you was hesitant, unsure if you were ready to cross that line with him.

You had to admit, the idea was tempting. George was an attractive man, and you had always felt a certain level of chemistry between the two of you. But did you want to risk your friendship for a moment of physical release?

“I…”

Upon noticing your hesitation, George decided for you. “Come here.” he patted his thigh.

Bolts of electricity ran through your body  at his words. There was no denying that the idea of him taking care of you in that way was incredibly arousing. And before you made up your mind, your legs carried you over to him.

He took your arm, leading you in front of him. “Turn aroud. Sit down.” he instructed softly.

“On y-”

“Yes, y/n, on my lap.”

If he wanted to, he could pull you by the arms and just place you there, but he waited for you to slowly sit down yourself, resting your hands on his knees, your back to him.

“Good girl. Now,” he leaned forward, hugging your waist. “If in any moment you feel uncomfortable or just want to stop for whatever reason, I want you to tell me. Alright?”

“Okay.” you nodded, his intense stare more than you could handle.

You were familiar with being this close to George; you'd even slept in the same bed side-by-side without any issue. You had held each other before, but his touch was always comforting and platonic. This time however, something more hung in the air - an energy that made your heart race with anticipation.

“Good.” he kissed your tense shoulder.

George's hands caressed your body with practiced ease, gently running down your sides, across your abdomen, up and down your jean clothed thighs in order to help you relax. Gradually, you leaned into him, your breaths deeper. His lips smoothed over your neck and you let out an unwilling moan.

“You’re doing good.” he reassured and you nodded, affirming that you heard him.

His hands moved to the hem of your shirt, diving under to caress your stomach. They were warm, but your back arched on a sudden skin on skin contact. He stopped for a moment until you relaxed again. Moving upwards, his fingers grazed the lace of your bra before he glided his palms to cup them.

You gasped and bit your lip, surprised by the new sensation of his hands so close to your growing chest, and leaned back on him even more, your nipples hardening. You loved the way George touched you, the way he made you feel. His hands ran up and down between you and your bra, squeezing your globes. His lips found your ear, nibbling on its lobe before he spoke.

“You have a beautiful body.” he whispered huskily.

A shudder ran up your spine at the pure lust in his voice. His right hand slipped under the cup of your bra, freeing your breast. You didn’t protest, you felt good. Instead, you arched your back more, pressing your chest more against his hand. His thumb and forefinger found your nipple and pinched and pulled on it, making you moan.

George lowered his head and licked your neck, kissing it softly and nipping it occasionally. His left hand joined in the fun and massaged your other breast, pinching its nipple just as his right hand was doing. You clamped your eyes shut, enjoying the sensation of his touch.

“Sensitive, aren’t you?” he chuckled.

You leaned back once again, despite your best efforts. Now his right hand made its descend down your stomach, making you wriggle in his lap, and reached the button of your jeans. Popping it open, that’s when you opened your eyes as well.

“George,” you gulped and put your hand over his. “Are you sure about this?”

“Absolutely,” he pulled you closer, pressing his lips reassuringly to your neck. “Are you not?”

“I’m just worried what it means to us, our friendship. I don’t want to ruin it.” you finally voiced your concerns.

“You won’t ruin it, babygirl.” he smoothed over your hair. “Friends help each other out, don’t they? You can look at it like that.”

“Yes, but…” We shouldn’t be doing this… you thought to yourself.

“We can stop if you-”

“No!” you were maybe a bit too quick to cut him off. “Let’s continue. I… I like it.” you could feel the heat rush into your cheeks.

He kissed your neck, working his way up to your ear. “I’m glad. Cause so do I.” his hand went back to what it was doing.

He pulled down your zipper, but didn’t push your pants down, exposing just your panties. His hand went back to your breasts, kneading them, feeling their weight. Every now and again his hand would brush past your nipple, sending tingles down your body.

You’re breathing was growing heavier, his hands were good at what they were doing and you didn’t want it to stop. He could feel you squirming in his lap, his smirk evident even though your head was turned.

“Someone’s excited.” he teased.

“S-Shut up.” you bit your lip, embarrassed.

His fingers dipped under the elastic line of your panties, and you were glad that you decided to shave that morning. His fingers ran over your mound slowly, feeling every curve, every spot. He circled around your clit, teasing you, before he moved further down, dipping one finger in a bit before pulling it back out.

You moaned and he chuckled. “You like that?” you nodded, trying to contain your moans. “You want me to continue?” you nodded again, too aroused to speak.

His fingers dipped deeper inside your folds, feeling the warm, wet sensation. When his fingers reached the bottom, he started to rub your entrance, pressing just a bit, sending pleasurable sparks through your body.

“Mhm,” he moaned into your ear, “my babygirl likes that.”

“Yes.” you shook your head, agreeing.

“Tell me.” he demanded.

“Yes, I like it. I want it.”

His finger pushed a bit further inside, and you bit your lower lip, unable to keep quiet. “You want what?” he asked in a low voice.

“I want it.” you said in a higher pitched voice, trying to sound like a grown woman. “I want your fingers inside of me.” you blushed.

“You want more?”

“Yes. Please.” you ground onto his finger, your hips following his thumb’s rhythm.

He pulled his hand out of your pants and you audibly expressed your dismay at the lack of contact. He responded by placing his hands on your hips and forcing you up off the chair. Tugging your jeans down, you stepped out of them and he was quick to pull you onto his lap once again. With a nudge from his knee, your thighs opened into a desirable position. His arm was securely locked around your waist, making sure that you wouldn't move away or slip off his lap.

“Now,” he played with your panties, pushing them aside. “You said you wanted more?”

“Yes, George. Please, George.” you whined.

“Only cause you said please.” he smirked and you could feel his teeth graze your skin.

His finger entered you again, slowly, stretching you, moving only an inch or so before pulling out again. When he felt that you were ready for more, he rhythmically started to finger you, gauging your reaction. His finger pushed a bit further in, making you squirm. He pulled it back out, a bit of your juices clinging to it before he thrust it back in. You gasped, feeling the full sensation of his finger inside of you. He added another finger, and you moaned, squirming on his lap, feeling so full. Your breathing had turned into moaning, echoing through the empty apartment in which you were in.

"Shh, babygirl, it's alright. You're doing good.” George’s free hand tangled in your hair, pulling it back, your exposed neck bared to him. He nibbled on it, biting and sucking, loving your reactions.

“Just, please, more.” you begged him.

“I don't think you're ready for that yet.”

His fingers became more insistent inside you, pushing deeper and deeper. He rubbed your g-spot, making your moans turn into pants.

“No, no, no, no.” you panted. “Please, just a bit more.”

“Would my babygirl like to come already?”

“Yes, please, I’m so close.” you said, almost crying, needing to come.

“Let me hear you say it.”

“George, please. I want it. I need it. Please.” you begged.

“God, I didn’t think hearing you beg would be such a turn on.” he confessed, his voice a deep rumble.

“Please, I need it. I need to come. I love it when you touch me like that. Please!” you were almost screaming by the end.

He went back on rubbing you, his fingers moving faster and faster. Slipping his thumb a few times inside you while his fingers were busy doing you, the other hand clamped on your hip for support. His thumb pushed in deeper, your juices coated it and he rubbed your g-spot with it, making you squeal.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes.” you said over and over again, panting.

“Come for me.” he hissed and his other hand wrapped around your throat, holding you gently.

You didn’t even need his encouragement, your whole body was aching for release. His fingers moved faster, rubbing your g-spot, his thumb pressing hard against it. You were soaked, his fingers gliding inside you. You moaned, louder than before, mumbling incoherently.

Your hips bucked on his lap and he held you in place, his fingers continuing their assault on your body. You were his toy, his play thing, and you enjoyed it more than you should have. You didn’t care anymore, you were drowning in pleasure, letting it consume you.

Lights burst behind your eyelids when you came, biting hard into your lip, muffling your screams. Your whole body relaxed from the pleasure, your arms giving out and you would have fallen if he had not held you. You leaned against him, recovering from your orgasm. Your head was laid on his chest and all you could hear was his breathing, slowing down.

When the orgasmic waves subsided, you became aware of your surroundings again and blushed.

“Th-thank you.” you stammered, chest still rising and falling visibly.

“You’re welcome.” he kissed your temple. “Feeling better now?”

“Yes.” you nodded.

“Glad I could help.” he said, his fingers playing with your hair, combing them through.

“You did, but George… This can’t happen again.” you finished, standing up to find your jeans. It was just an excuse to put some physical distance between you for you don’t think you could get the last part over your lips if you were still sitting on his lap.

“Oh,” was all he said. You couldn’t determine was he disappointed or the realization hit him.

“We are friends and I want it to stay that way. You are too important for me to lose over... such thing.” you zipped up your pants.

“I understand.” he said, his voice not betraying his true feelings.

You had expected it to be hard to say it, but it didn’t feel like a lie at all, it felt like the truth. It felt like the right thing to do.

“Thank you.”

He meekly nodded. “Do you want to stay over? We can watch tv or something…” he trailed off.

“Yeah,” you breathed. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Okay.” he smiled and you smiled back.

You spent the rest of the evening wrapped in blankets on his couch, laughing as you watched bad television shows and poking fun at the characters and plots. Between you two was no uneasiness; you were laughing together like earlier events hadn't happened. And that moment looked like a promise that, no matter what, nothing will ever change between you two.

Or so you thought...

Next part

[ficmashup]

Gardening

Summary: Ghost is moving into a new apartment and you just so happen to be the building's owner.

A/N: First dip into writing second person (I think that's the right term?) and I'm not sure if I don't like it or if it was just difficult for me. People who've read my Price fic in first person, please weigh in here. I need to know if this sounds weird or if it's just me. I might rewrite the whole thing in first person and see which feels better.

Warnings: Not much here...overworking? Slight fainting. Not edited.

Word Count: 3k+

Masterlist

The first time he sees you, your hands are elbow-deep in dirt and there’s more smeared over your face. It’s late afternoon and he’s heaving a duffel over his shoulder to head into his new apartment. It’s been a long time since he spent long in an apartment at all and by the time he came back to his old one, the building was being foreclosed. He’d never been one to couch surf and he wasn’t about to start now. Certainly not for a month. Jump to seeing you covered in dirt in front of his new apartment building.

He hesitates on the steps, watching you a moment longer while you grumble to yourself. You’re on your knees digging through a flowerbed as if digging for diamonds. “You alright?” He surprises himself by asking and almost keeps walking with the expectation that you won’t even answer, but you turn your face up to him in an instant. Your arm raises to block out the sun and you don’t even flinch as dirt rains down on you.

“Fine, thanks. Just a few roots being stubborn.” You give him a warm, welcoming smile that keeps him still a few moments longer. Long enough for you to scan the duffel on his back and the few boxes set on the ground by his truck. “Moving in?” He hesitates a moment before answering. He’s not in the habit of giving away information freely, but the conclusion is obvious enough. He nods once.

“Then you’re Simon Riley.” You pull your hands from the dirt as if they’re the ones who have taken root and wipe them off on your jeans while getting onto your feet. Trepidation begins creeping into his chest and he grips the strap of his bag over his shoulder a little tighter. “I’m the building’s owner. Nice to meet you in person.” You offer your dirt-smudged hand as you give him your name and he laxes slightly. He takes your hand, seeing approval flash through your eyes. He wonders briefly if offering your dirty hand was a test that he just passed.

“I’ll walk you to your place and make sure you have your keys. Need help carrying anything?” You offer and it’s clear you mean it.

“I’m fine, thank you.” He replies evenly and you nod before leading the way and expecting him to follow.

“I run a tight ship. Hope you read the rules about staying here because if you break any, I’ll throw you out on your ass.” You move around the entrance easily, clearly knowing where everything is without having to look. A little glance over your shoulder is all you give him to make sure he’s listening and you catch the slight upward tilt of his lips.

“Yes, ma’am. Read over things twice.” He answers honestly and you hum with approval before guiding him up the stairs. Something about the way you hold yourself, the easy confidence, the way you say orders and expect them to be followed, reminds him of Price and puts him a little more at ease.

“You’re on the edge of the building, so only one neighbor on the north side and another across the hall. Delaney is quiet and keeps to herself more often than not, but I let her play music on the roof with friends on Saturdays.” Your voice fills the halls and he notes that the place is very well-kept and clean. Even the windows are clear and gleaming. You go on, “Mr. Cruz across the hall can be a bit miserly, but other than mumbling about the newspaper and the state of the world, he’s harmless. His wife, on the other hand, is a shameless gossip. So I hope you’re not too bothered if you come home and see her peeking at you from her door.”

Simon hums a small laugh. “Don’t mind it. I’m not that interesting.”

“Pity. She’s been dying for a salacious neighbor since Beck moved out because her husband caught her with the nanny.” You quip instantly and amusement flits through Simon as you finally come to a stop in front of a dark green door. It’s quick work to unlock it and you push the door open, but don’t step inside. He likes that. It’s as if the second he signed the lease, this became his space and you won’t enter it until invited. “If you’d like to do me a favor and need some furniture, I have some in the basement from past tenants that I’d be glad to be rid of. Tell me if you’d like to look and I’ll take you. You have my number if you need anything else, but I’m usually around anyway.”

He enters the apartment and looks around at the empty space with a small sigh. It’s a good space with plenty of room and a view of the street below, but being in a new place feels like starting over. It’s a discomforting feeling given that nothing in his life has actually changed except for his address. But he turns towards you all the same and gives you another nod. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

You nod back and spare another moment to look him over. He’s not the first stray soldier that’s wandered into your building, but each one has been different. This one…this one might take quite a bit of coaxing. You give him another smile and see his body shift towards it just like he did the last time, as if your smile is sunlight he’s basking in. “Welcome home.”

*     *     *

The next time he sees you, you’re crouched on the stairs in front of a kid no more than eight-years-old. “It…hurts…” The little boy says between sobs with red smeared over his right knee. Probably from a nasty fall. Simon pauses on the next flight of stairs, looking down at you through the railing.

“Aw, yeah, I know it does. You’re being brave for me though.” Your voice is soft and gentle as you clean the blood away. “Bet that wimp Eric would be wailing this whole time, huh? Remember when he stubbed his toe and screamed for a minute straight?” There’s a little giggle and his heart squeezes at the sound.

The kid sniffles. “Yeah, I remember. He fell on the ground like he broke it or something.”

“That’s right.” You approve, smiling at him and reaching to the side where a first aid kit sits. “But I saw you play baseball and you didn’t even flinch when that pitcher hit you with the ball.”

“Yeah, that’s true. And that hurt!” The kid leans back a bit, relaxing as you distract him and I idly think about how many medics I’ve seen use the same tactic on wounded soldiers.

You finish cleaning up his knee and press a large band-aid to the ripped skin. “But you were so tough then and you were tough now. All done.” You muss his hair a bit and he giggles, slapping your hand away. “Now, what are we not going to do?”

The kid’s head droops. “Sprint up the stairs.”

“Smart kid. Now, wear that scrape with honor.” You tilt his chin up and he grins, sniffling again before leaning forward and giving you a hug.

“Thanks.” He squeezes tight before getting up and heading down the stairs at a slightly slower pace than running. A wait a moment as you pack up the things from your kit before heading down. Your head lifts and you smile at me, the same as the other day, and it strikes me just like it did then.

I clear my throat and tilt my head to where the kid went. “You seem to know everyone in this place.”

You hum and stand with the first aid kit in hand. “It’s my job to know everything that happens in this building.”

 He quirks a brow at you. “That’s not a position taken by most owners.”

“You should have easily learned by now that I’m not like most owners.” You quip instantly and are rewarded with a little upward twitch of his mouth.

“I was hoping you might have time to show me some of the furniture you mentioned?” He asks, unassuming and polite despite his size and clear musculature. It makes you like him a little more.

You nod and take a breath in the face of another task. “Sure. Let’s go.” You turn on your heel and start moving, Simon trailing behind with surprisingly soft footfalls. You jingle slightly with each step from the keys on your hip and he can’t help but think of a cat with a bell.

The basement is dark until you pull a heavy switch and illuminate a surprisingly large space littered with furniture. “Pick whatever you like and I’ll help you carry it up.”

“You ever stop working?” He asks and you can hear the amusement in his voice. You shrug a shoulder and lean against the wall beside the stairs as he slowly walks through the room.

“There’s always something to be done and no one else is going to do it.”

“You could hire people.”

You immediately roll your eyes. “Then I’d have to fix whatever they screw up. Better to do it myself and get it right the first time.” He exhales softly and you swear that it’s almost a soft laugh.

“You remind me of someone.” He says and pauses next to a little kitchen table with two chairs in pretty good condition.

Your head tilts and you give him a little smile as he glances over. “Is that a compliment or an insult?”

This time, you get an actual chuckle. “From me, it’s a compliment.”

“Hm. Then thank you.” You’re not sure you want to know why it would be an insult coming from someone else. He knocks on the table and the wood makes a dull, solid clunk noise. He nods and apparently that means it’s passed inspection. He lifts it up into his arms with a grunt and surprise widens your eyes as he carries it towards the stairs. You clear the way, grabbing the two chairs and staring at him as he bypasses the elevator in favor of more stairs without making a sound. It’s not exactly professional the way your eyes linger on his muscular arms, the shifting of his back under his t-shirt, and especially not how his thighs fit his jeans oh-so-well.

He grunts again as he sets the table down in his apartment and you sidle in to set the chairs on either side. There’s almost nothing else in the apartment. There are a few blankets and books in the bedroom along with a few cushions on the floor of the living room facing a tv. That’s it. He certainly isn’t one to overdecorate. “Anything else?” You offer with a hand on you hip.

He nods once. “Mind another trip?”

You smile and start walking to the door. “I’d be glad to empty out my entire basement if you like. Seems like you need it anyway.” The corner of his mouth lifts.

“I suppose that’s true. I appreciate the help.” He says and his voice is deep, but gentle. You only grow more curious about him and during the few more trips up and down the stairs, you realize that this guy might need a bit more than a little help with living.

*     *     *

It starts slow.

A few neighbors start bringing him some food throughout the week. Leftovers, baked goods, all under the guise of welcoming him to the building. Then there’s a small flyer set outside his door for an estate sale nearby where he finds a few more things to make his apartment less sparse. It’s a tad overbearing, but in an amusing way and he finds he doesn’t mind. Something about being aggressively looked after reminds him of Soap’s family and any thought of the Scot is a welcome one. He has little doubt that the interference is due to your instruction. You run this building better than most people in charge of the military.

His favorite spot in the apartment becomes the little window seat in the living room. It has a good view of the street and without fail, he gets a glimpse of you working in the flowerbeds in the front of the building. On the nicer days, he’ll even crack the window to hear you cussing at your rosebushes. But you’re a little quiet one day, moving slow, still working amongst the thorns in jean shorts and a tank-top dark with sweat. When you stand and wobble in place, he puts down the book he was pretending to read.

You heave a breath and wipe sweat off your brow before grabbing onto the railing leading into the building. Ugh, it’s hot. The sun is beating down like a physical weight and your sunhat is currently somewhere in Delaney’s apartment after her girlfriend borrowed it. Best to just bear the expense and get another one. “You run yourself ragged.” That deep voice disturbs your thoughts and your head lifts to see Simon standing there with a water bottle held out to you.

A soft laugh leaves your lips as you gratefully accept the water and settle on the steps. “Too much to do to stop. Thank you for this.” The bottle is blissfully cold as you press it to your neck and take a deep breath of relief.

Simon moves across from you and leans on the railing, looking you over. Something you’ve noticed is how careful he is to give you space. He never comes too close. “I’ve seen you running around the building at least three times today. Once unclogging the garbage chute, the second time greasing the hinges of a door down the hall, and the third—” He gestures to rosebushes you were just digging in.

You finish drinking half the water and raise a brow at him with a teasing glint in your eye. “Keeping track of me?”

His lips part, but he’s interrupted before he can say a word. “Sweetie, my air conditioner is on the fritz again.” An older woman peeks out of the front door and Simon recognizes Mrs. Cruz from across the hall. She scrutinizes him through her big glasses before blinking innocently back at you.

You sigh, but nod. “Alright, Mrs. Cruz. I’ll be there right away.” She shuffles back into the building while you heave yourself up onto your feet and your vision immediately goes black. It almost feels like you’re outside your body as you feel it sway backward before a large hand slides onto your lower back and another grips your arm. Your hand tightens on the railing as your eyes snap open, the world swimming in front of you.

“Steady, now.” A pair of concerned eyes are the first thing you see as your vision clears. “Let’s get you inside.” He moves closer and begins to stoop, but you grab his shirt in a fist.

“You are not picking me up.” You grind out, every word a command. Not in front of your building, not by a tenant, not with Mrs. Cruz waiting inside who would assuredly spread every type of rumor she could about the scene. “Just…walk inside with me.” He hesitates a beat before straightening and letting you use his arm and the railing to get back into the building. You shoot a smile towards Mrs. Cruz waiting exactly where you expected her. “I need my tools, but I’ll be along in just a minute.”

Her eyes squint, but she nods a moment later before vanishing into the elevator. “Slowly and steadily, then.” Simon murmurs with his hands gentle and sure as he moves you towards your office in the back. You hold your tongue despite the desire to insist that you do not need help because you very clearly do. Still, you can’t hold back your heavy sigh as you both slowly walk back and he helps you settle into your office chair.

“Thank you.” You murmur, pride a little wounded but ultimately grateful you didn’t have to crawl in here. “I’ll just be a few minutes. Then I’ll head up to help Mrs. Cruz.” Your head shakes as you make yourself drink the rest of your water while taking some steadying breaths.

“Unfortunate we’re not closer to my apartment. I’d give you something one of my neighbors gifted me earlier this week.” Simon comments with amusement lacing his tone. Maybe you weren’t as subtle about filling his pantry as you thought you were.

“I ate today. Just pushed a little too hard in the heat. That’s all.”

“Mm.” He hums, watching you from the doorway with the corner of his mouth twitching upward. “A habit of yours?”

You can’t resist returning his near smile. “Practically my occupation.”

He huffs a small laugh before clearing his throat as if trying to hide it. The fact makes you smile a little wider. “I’ll get you another water, then walk with you up the stairs.”

“Oh, there’s really no need—” But he’s already walked out. You sigh again, relaxing back into the chair and closing your eyes for a few moments. Time passes, a bit too long than it should have taken, but when you open your eyes there’s another water in front of you and no Simon. You feel a bit better and rise from your seat with a groan, grabbing your toolkit and heading up to Mrs. Cruz. But it’s an utter surprise when you get to her apartment to find the usual whir of her air conditioning uninterrupted.

“That handsome man across the hall had it fixed in a few minutes. Didn’t complain or say much other than asking what the problem was.” Mrs. Cruz reports with rare approval in her voice. Mr. Cruz grumbles quietly from his usual seat in his favorite armchair. You sigh and glance out the door towards Simon’s apartment with a hand on your hip and a half-smile. Seems you’re not the only one keen to help. Whether it’s asked for or not.

(Lmk if you want to be tagged in future installments of this!)

[we-out-here-simping]

Chapter 1: Three inches minimum.

(s.h. x gn!reader)

from the river to the sea (educate yourself and help however you can)

Warnings: y/n might or might not be used; no pronouns used (gn!reader); flashbacks within a flashback; suggestivenes (no smut); trauma; might be canon divergent in future (cuz screw the canon) ; very questionable food choices on readers part (don't ask me I have no idea why I put it in)

word count: 9.5k

A/n: alright gang! we start all over again and imma do this right this time. i really am liking doing this rewrite/revamp of the old stuff now that i know where to take this story. so ive added new stuff that i really wanted to and got rid of some stuff as well.

i dont write smut but this is an 18+ blog mdni

promises series masterlist

...

Life in Hawkins was not a normal one. But then again, what did you know about the norm anyway?

You ran away from the Hawkins lab in 1980. Even after all these years, its memories still haunted you. You still got nightmares, they had never really stopped.

It was hard to forget, you in your dirty hospital gown, the cloth had still smelled of smoke. You had been lethargic, exhausted, but you had a goal in mind. Find Eight. 

You didn't know where she was, but she was your best bet. In the lab, she was the closest thing you had had to a friend. she was your sister. She told you about what her life was like before she had been taken to the lab, she had remembered a lot from then, you on the other hand, didn't. she used tell you all she remembered from outside.

it had been so long since you had last seen her. two years. 1978.

“Come with me”, she had almost begged, holding your hands in her, “we’ll do all that we wanted to. We’ll be free”

You don't know why you couldn't do it then. 

“Please. We’ll have names, we’ll find your real parents, we'll find mine, we’ll be together, we'll be free, that's what you wanted too, didnt you?” she swallowed, desperate, chest heaving. the alarms had been ringing through the halls. The clang of the heavy metal doors and boots stomping rang in the air— they were coming, Papa was coming. you were running out of time. you could run far far away. But you were stuck, your throat dry.

“I.. we can’t”, was all that came out. Your words betrayed you because Eight was right, it was all you wanted. It was all both of you wanted. More than anything. But in the heat of the moment, everything was scary, you were so damn scared. 

Eight stared at you, she stepped back, your shaky hands slipping out of her own. The noise got louder, the stomps closer. The betrayal and confusion on her features quickly morphed into a stoic expression.

“Maybe he’s right.” she swallowed, shaking her head, “You are too weak”, she turned and started walking away. you wanted to call after her but nothing came out. she stopped– the guards were so close– she turned her head a little yet still not showing you her face.

“Goodbye, seven.”

You had to find her because despite what she had said, she was your only hope. two years later, it was a shot in the dark at best, but what other choice did you have?

you tried looking for her, but the void was nothing but emptiness, yet crowded as a maze. she wouldn't let you see her. She was hiding, or rather, just not letting you in. you just hoped she was okay.

You weren't sure how, but you managed to stay out of suspicion for a week before an old woman found you trying to ‘steal’ clothes– a jacket more specifically. 

That's when you met Jim hopper.

“Ok, kid. How about you start by telling me your name?” a low gruff in the man’s voice. You stayed silent as you looked down to your hands in your lap, there was dirt beneath your nails. Water was hard to come across when you're on the run, especially in this cold.

“How about, where you're from, ‘cause I know you're not from around here” Hopper spoke up again. You pulled the sleeves of your full sleeved t-shirt further down, palms sweaty.

“Listen, kid”, he sighs, “ you’ve gotta give me something” you infact continued to give him nothing. you tuck your cold fingers under your thighs, trying your best to hold back the shivers. The ill-fitted t-shirt and joggers you'd found the day after you'd run away didn't do much in matters of protecting you from the cold. That was why you had tried to get that thick jacket. the very same you were caught ‘stealing’ that had brought you here.

“Mrs. Lauter wanted me to arrest you, y’know?” he tried to prompt you. you didn't look up from the tattered shoes you wore– they didn't fit you, they weren't yours.

“Hey!”, he raised his voice a little, your gaze snapped to his– eyes panicking. “look at me when I am talking to you!” he said sternly.

His gaze softened up along with his voice. “don't have to worry though. I got it under cover. Dumpster diving isn't much of an offense. But you gotta tell me where you came from so i can take you back home”

“No”, you finally speak up with a finality that he hadn't expected.

“Oh, so you do speak”, he leaned back in his chair, looking at you, analysing every detail about you. you avoided eye contact, your frame shivering, the dirt on your skin, your hair, “What's with the whole buzz cut, huh? Last time i checked, that wasn't what the kids were doing these days”

you wrapped your arms around your body, eyes still trained down. “C'mon kid you gotta give me something”, he huffed.

the only movement he got from you was you blinking down at your shoes. “Fine”, Frustrated, he got up, his chair pushed behind him, “then i guess you wouldn't mind being locked up in juvie then”

You looked up at him, eyes wide, brows knotted, not understanding what he said meant.

“That's little people jail”, realisation flashed across your face and he waited for you to say something but when you didn't say anything, he picked up his hat from the table with a deep sigh and moved to walk out.

Just when he was about to push the door to head outside his office, “I need to find my sister”, came a quivering voice behind him, your eyes finally looking at him. 

There it is, he thought to himself. 

“So”, he started, walking back to his chair, “this sister of yours. What's her name?”

“I– I don't know”, you stuttered, gaze moving back to your hands. You mentally berated yourself for letting it slip. you weren't even sure why you trusted him enough with that information, maybe that was just your 14 year old brain being stupid. you wondered what her name was now.

“You don't know? Your own sister's name?” he waited for an answer, leaning against the table, “what did I say about looking at me when I talk to you?”

You looked at him apprehensively, arms wrapping tighter around yourself, trying your best to not shiver. 

He sighed again, voice low, “Listen kid, it's late. So I'd appreciate it if you gave some answers.”

No response.

You weren't sure why, but Jim was willing to help you. you lived under his roof for two weeks, during which he considered what to do with you. 

Whenever he inquired about your past, he would be greeted with nothing but silence. He tried asking about the sister you mentioned– nothing.

He decided calling child protective services was the best choice but you knew that as soon as Hopper would make it that call, your Papa would be at his door– ready to take you back to the lab. 

Just when he was about to do it, you had grabbed Hopper's hand before he could dial the number and made him forget all about it. 

you needed time. you had to find your sister. and for some reason this man wanted to help you, for some reason you felt safe. you felt guilty, using him as just a means to your end. you promised yourself to not use your powers on him ever again.

Hopper didn't adopt you. He was aware that he was a drunk smoker and his place wasn't exactly the most child friendly place, filled with unprescribed medication that he popped like candy.

Hopper did find you the cheapest place in Hawkins, paid your rent until you could get a job, and even enrolled you into school. 

Speaking of which– School was fun….. for the first five days– those five days you'd managed to stay invisible, making sure to not draw attention to yourself. But on the sixth day, you realised that you were behind, classes were hard, neither the students nor the teachers were kind. 

So you'd get in fights, and the principal would tell you to call your parents and you would call over Hopper– him being the closest thing to it. Hopper would make you promise that you won't repeat your actions, but you would break that promise too.

Then the year 1983 came and Hopper came across the upside down. He instinctively hid the true story of the missing Byer's kid from you– adamant to keep you away from danger. not knowing that you had always been part of it.

You had taken up a job at a gift shop near melvalds. And were now finally making somewhat of an income to survive but now no longer in as much contact as before with Hopper. You were blissfully unaware of your troublesome past lurking only two steps behind you.

The following year, you somehow got roped into the madness of the upside down. When you found out about Eleven and her powers, and you couldn't lie anymore. You recounted your past with Hopper and the young girl who you shared a similar past with. 

Hopper had forced you to stay with the kids at the Byer's house with a boy from your school year. Steve Harrington. You knew Steve, he was given titles like "the hair" or "king". Far more better than the titles you were given. 

That night you both stood up against Billy, a rage-filled moron. When Steve was down, and he was closing in on the kids, you decided to step in between– shielding them. You had extended your hand, palm splayed across his chest. While pushing him away, you had tried to use your powers, control his mind, maybe just make him faint– you’d done it before. You had done much worse in the past.

Much to your horror, though– your powers didn't work, they were gone. 

as soon as the realisation had hit, there had been a pause. Billy had looked at where your palm touched him and then back to your face. He had smirked. 

The situation spiralled out of control. You then helped the kids with their plan sporting a broken left arm and dragging along a very concussed Steve.  

At the snowball, hopper told you that he was planning on adopting both you and Eleven. Ecstatic, you dropped Eleven off to Mike so they could have their much earned time. Nancy, to whom you'd talked to once, was sharing a dance with Dustin. And Jonathan clicked everyone's pictures. You had decided it was better you wait outside with Hopper. 

On your way out, you noticed a familiar car– looking in closely, you realised that it was Steve– his face no longer covered in scars and bruises. The sudden urge to go over, talk and maybe even thank him for helping you back there with the Billy situation. You looked over to Hopper, as if silently asking for permission to go over to him. After he had given a slight nod, you walked over to the car and knocked on the window. He cranked down the glass.

"Hey”, he smiled.

…

Eleven was out again with Mike. Hopper had left for the station and now you were all alone. No one to talk to. You found it ironic how you'd lived in loneliness almost all your life yet you still weren't used to it. 

You didn't even want to bother calling anyone because literally everyone had gotten either a job or internship over the summer– Steve at scoops ahoy, Nancy and Jonathan at the Hawkins Post and- well you didn't have any other friends who were your age. 

So here you were, in the quiet of Hopper's cabin– save for the chittering of the squirrel Eleven had named Mr. Fibbly. You were alone with nothing to do so might as well do some sort of chores. After racking your brain for what chore to settle on, you decided– Laundry, it is. 

Your mind went on autopilot as you gathered the laundry from your adopted father's and sister's room. As you padded to the room with the washing machine, you felt a disturbance. Come to think of it, you had also felt something the night prior as well.

A headache, it was a much milder version of the headache you felt when you used to use your powers but you had lost your powers almost a year ago. So, you brushed it off as your mind playing tricks on you– which you found hilariously ironic, considering that it used to be you who used to play tricks on the mind.

As you unloaded the laundry basket, you felt something again. This time, it wasn't a headache but it felt as though there was a presence. Your actions stopped as the past year's memories came flooding back. The fear that those things could be back weighed heavily on you. Your heartbeat picked up its speed. You had almost been mauled by those demo-dogs, you were traumatised to say the least.

The whisper of wood creaking reached your ears and your throat went dry. Perhaps what's scarier than being alone is realising that you never were. but you're in the cabin, it's safe here. It's supposed to be safe here.

then you heard it again– another creak. You wanted to run and hide yet you also wanted to look at the intruder but your legs wouldn't budge, as if stuck to the floor. 

When you finally managed to move your feet and turn around, you were suddenly engulfed in arms and a scent that you've grown all too familiar with.

"STEVE!", you let out a yelp as you turned around to face him, "YOU ASSHOLE! YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!", you smacked his shoulder as he laughed but then atleast he had the decency to give you a sheepish smile and breathe out a quiet "sorry". 

Before you knew it, his lips caught yours, heart still beating loudly against your ribs and lips moving with a rhythm that you'd now gotten used to. 

Kissing wasn't really your strongest suit as you'd never really done it before Steve stumbled into your life but you'd gotten a lot of practice in the last seven days.

A smile crept onto your face as he kissed you deeper, his hand held the back of your head. Your hands dropped the shirt that you were holding back in the laundry basket and instead held his jaw as your thumbs rubbed against his cheeks– the skin warm under your fingertips. 

"Missed you so much", he mumbled between kisses. Heat crept up your neck as you giggled through the kisses, "you were here yesterday."

"Yeah, so?", he pulled away– not too far though, your noses still touching, "i just wanna be with my favourite person." He planted another small kiss on your lips as if to punctuate his sentence. Another giggle erupted from your throat as he pulled you impossibly closer. 

"I thought Dustin was your favourite person"

"Let's not bring Henderson into this, he's barely a person. besides, I'm not interested in kissing him"

Your hands went up to Steve's hair, fingers mindlessly playing with the brown strands that fell on his forehead. "How exactly did you get in?", you asked with an arched eyebrow. 

"Same as always– your bedroom window", he said as if it was the most obvious thing.

“You didn't fall again did you?”

“What? No– no, I'm too agile for that”, he paused when you looked at him with raised eyebrows, "who am I kidding? I almost fell. again" he said as his head hung in embarrassment.

"you could've just used the main door– you know no one's home except me", you laughed.

"Where's El?"

"With Mike", you said with a slight scowl, "God, she's with him all the time and they're always swapping spit!"

"Bit like us, isn't it?", He wiggled his brows and you rolled your eyes, "just let her be– she's a kid. Y'know hormones 'n stuff"

"Yeah, I know– it's just– she's barely home and I'm just worried about her, y'know?"

"Yeah, and it's completely okay to be worried", Steve started drawing circles on your shoulder with his fingers perhaps to provide some semblance of comfort, "but you know that she can't always be here right?"

"But I am always here."

"you don't have to be", he frowned and slightly shook his head– looking right in your eyes. This wasn't the first time Steve had mentioned this. He would try to convince you to visit him at the mall, to which you'd mention Hopper's rules and that it was too many people. He would then ask you to come over at his house, since it was always empty, you would again say no– never elaborating.

"But it's like the only place I feel safe, since everything that happened…. Last year", that was only partially a lie. The truth was it was the only place where you had felt safe ever.

"Hey", he held your face in his hands, "those things are gone, okay? Your dad made sure of it." You nodded, choosing not to tell him about the apprehension you've felt in the last couple days– knowing full well that telling him of your anxieties would inadvertently lead to you having to tell him about your now non-existent powers and your past in the lab. The past that you've left behind and have decided to pass off as nothing but a bad dream. 

You make a note to maybe tell Hopper or Eleven about all of that though.

A lazy smile adorned Steve's lips as his thumb swiped back and forth on your cheeks. "You look so cute when you're worried", he said with a smirk, as he held your chin with his thumb and forefinger. The smile on your lips grew wide, the corners of your mouth morphing into a suppressed smile. You wanted to say something, your lips even parted to tell him how much you think he's cute and handsome and pretty and how much you were glad that he was there with you but nothing came out. And he didn't need you to. He lifted your chin up to his and you were kissing again– this time more slower and softer than the last. 

In that moment, when your bodies were pressed together, you felt like you were in one of those movies that you and Eleven would watch with Hopper on movie nights and then your father would leave around the 30 minute mark, saying that it was too 'awkward'. cheesy rom-coms, that's what he had called them.

Everytime felt better than the last with Steve. As your lips moved in tandem, his arms wrapped tighter than ever around your waist, slightly lifting you off the floor for a second. You gasped into the kiss and your hands slid down from his hair to his chest, laying flat above his heart. 

"Steve-" you whispered in between kisses, "Steve I-", he just kept kissing you, "Steve- Harrington!-", you whisper-shouted. The boy let out a hum against your lips, the sound so warm that it was sure to melt you up into warm and happy goo. You almost wanted to give in to him, be engulfed in his scent and warmth while he kissed all your anxieties away. Yet you reluctantly nudged his chest away from yours. Your faces were merely inches away– his warm breath breezed against your cheeks and when your eyes met his, you saw his pupils dilated and lips swollen. His chest heaved a little as he steadied his breath– he was still staring at your lips.

"Steve, I have to do the laundry", you breathed out. 

"C'mon you do that like every day", he huffed as he pressed his forehead against yours.

"Yeah, well there's new laundry every day", you begrudgingly moved out of his arms.

"That's preposterous."

"I don't even know what that means", you said with a laugh.

"Neither do I, honestly–", he said with a chuckle, "Dustin used that word and I was like 'I have to use it', so I can fool you into thinking that you actually have a smart boyfriend."

"C'mon you are smart."

"Only to you." He sighed.

“You have to stop talking about yourself like that…. I mean it, Steve." you frowned with a sigh. “You are smart"

"Yeah, that's exactly why I'm scooping ice cream for a job"

"Smartness isn't all about school or marks or jobs or any of that bullshit." You ranted as Steve looked at you with enamoured eyes, "you are smart. You are strong. Last year when everything went to shit, you were the one who made sure of the kids even with a concussion. You looked after them and me. You took Billy Hargrove's beating to make sure the rest of us were okay-"

"That's not what smartness is–"

"-shut up! I don't wanna listen to you putting yourself down." You huffed in frustration, "you protected Dustin, Max and everyone else, you saved me! You make such a huge impact– if it wasn't for you, someone could've died, Steve. But you were there, you made sure that that didn't happen. You aren't weak. And you are a hero. D'you understand?"

Steve nodded, almost dumbfounded as it was probably the most you'd said in one sentence, ever. a faint smile painted itself on his face, his cheeks rosy.

You nodded, “good”, pecked the tip of his nose. you turned around, facing the washing machine– getting back to laundry. 

You picked up Hopper’s shirts, checking the pockets in case there were any bills or coins hidden in them– your only form of income. Steve once again tightened his arms around your torso, resting his chin on your shoulder– nuzzling into your neck. His warm breath fanned against your collarbone. “Don’t mind me”, his chest rumbled as he spoke through a smile. You let out a playful sigh and continued your work. 

Both of you stayed that way for a while. You checked the pockets of shirts and trousers, separating colours from white just like Hopper had taught you. All the while, Steve landed lazy kisses on your cheek, neck and collarbone. You'd wish you could stay that way forever– so warm, so comfortable, so nice. Maybe it was the fact that it was your first relationship ever and had only now felt safe enough to think of someone in a romantic way but you wanted it to last forever. 

Feelings were weird and hard to talk about, and you weren't the best at conveying them. The past week you've wanted nothing more than to tell Hopper and Eleven about yourself and Steve. But your communication skills (or lack thereof) prevented you. 

Steve loved watching you just doing normal everyday things, it reminded him of his mother– back when she was around more. So whenever he was not at work or being used as a valet driver by Dustin, he was sneaking over to your cabin. Before you both started dating, he would call you– making sure that Hopper wasn't home and then come barging in with a new cassette tape or to make you try some new ice cream flavour. It took him a couple months to realise that he was essentially looking for excuses to be around you– to feel that lovely and fuzzy feeling that he felt whenever he was with you. 

So, eight days prior, he finally built up the courage. 

Staring at the wood grain of the cabin door, your favourite ice cream and some flowers in hand, Steve was starting to consider backtracking a little. He really didn't want to mess things up between you two. And as he knocked on your cabin's door, he was contemplating the entire thing but before he could turn around and disappear, the door opened. And there you were, in a plaid shirt that probably belonged to Hopper at some point, hair sticking up in places. 

"Steve?"

"H-hey", His cheeks turned pink when your eyes met his and then your gaze trailed down to the flowers and ice cream held out in front of him. The corners of your mouth curving into a smile. That smile– the one he'd couldn't get enough of. "You didn't call today, hopper could've been here”, you said, looking back up at him. he wondered if you could tell how nervous he was.

"Yeah, sorry, I uh- I bought this", he held up the ice cream cup and then the bouquet, "and- and these f- for you", he stuttered as he handed you both. God, whatever happened to the harrington charm?

You let out a giggle as you hugged the flowers close to your chest, "yeah, well duh", you joked, not truly understanding the meaning behind his gesture. It was pretty common for Steve to bring you ice cream anyway, the flowers didn't make sense but then again you weren't the greatest at grasping social cues.

You turned on your heel, socked feet moving toward the kitchen so you could grab a spoon for the ice cream. Steve was still stuck, standing at the doorway, face bright red.

You started rummaging through the drawers in the kitchen to try and find two spoons. When you found them, you held the pair up in the air, one for him to take, “Here,” looking back up at him, you saw that he was already looking at you as if about to say something.

say it.

“You okay?” you asked, brows pulled together.

okay, maybe don't say it.

“Steve? Why do you look so–”

fuck it.

"I like you", Steve blurted out– like he was ripping a bandaid. You stopped in your tracks and stared at him, the easy smile on your face fell. He fucked up, didn't he? He has ruined everything, and now he has lost another friend–

You burst into laughter, “yeah, I know Steve. I like you too." you playfully hit his upper arm before holding up the spoon again, "Here.”

the utensil still stayed in your hand, the deep furrow in his brow hadn't disappeared, only, it grew deeper.

"What?" you asked with an uneasy laugh.

“That not what I… meant”, he paused, "I- I like you."

You blinked, processing it, all that came out was, “oh.”

He calls out your name. He let out a deep breath, you however looked like you had forgotten how to breathe. Steve squeezed his eyes shut, mentally berating himself for being so nervous– it was a first for him.

you looked at him like a deer caught in headlights, he could almost see the cogs and gears turning in your head. after a few seconds you spoke up, “We’re… we’re best friends...” your voice barely a whisper.

Steve swallowed, trying his best not to show any disappointment on his features, nodding slowly before before turning to rush out of the door and get the hell out of there.

“Steve?” he heard behind him and despite his mind telling him to leave, his heart echoed. he swallowed, turning around hesitantly. and there you were, hair still messy, clothes wrinkled as always, hands fidgeting by your sides, you looked as if you were preparing yourself to say something.

You walked towards him and as you stood infront of him, you gulped. but you didn't say anything.

next thing he knew your lips were on his and the moment after it they were gone. it ended as quickly as he felt it.

You looked at him with doe eyes, Steve knew he probably had the stupidest grin on his face. a shy toothy smile grew on your face too. he extended his hand to you, you took it and he realised that you were trembling. He squeezed your hand. His gaze trailed down to your lips, you bit your lips before speaking up in barely above a whisper. "I think... that I like you too."

Steve let out another exacerbated breath as he smiled wider. His face was all red, and his stupid dopey smile that probably looked as though he'd won a lottery.

He murmured your name through bated breath. "Yeah, Steve?"

"Can I- uh- do that again?", His fingers intertwined with yours almost as if to make sure that this was actually happening.

You nodded quickly.

Your eyes fluttered close as he landed a chaste kiss on your lips. Steve made sure that the kiss was light and soft, almost as if dipping his toe to test the waters. And before you knew it, it was already over. He pulled back eyes wandering over your features, looking to make sure that you were okay with this. You looked back up at him with your lips slightly parted– in an unreadable expression.

"You okay?", He asked quietly. You nodded, "yeah, you okay?"

"never better."

...

That was the start of something big, Steve knew that. Although it had only been a week since the incident, he knew he didn't just like you– there was way more. There was care, there was understanding, there was trust and more.

Memories swirled in both your heads while your hands worked on their own accord, still doing the laundry. You picked up Hopper's dirty uniform pants, following the routine of checking the pockets. Then you reached for the shirt of the pair in the basket yet it was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, Stevie", you piped up and he let out a small hum behind you. "Could you go and get Hopper's shirt from his room?"

"Sure can." He mumbled before pecking your cheek and then he went to Hopper's room to retrieve the shirt. He was back within mere seconds, "here ya go, your highness", he said, handing you the shirt that reeked of way too much sweat, cigarettes and beer.

You continued with the work, taking out the cigarettes from the pocket with a sigh. Hopper had promised that he'd quit smoking so much– guess he broke that promise. 

Steve picked up the pack and took one in his mouth, searching for a lighter. You took the cigarette out from between his lips and the pack in his hand and threw it in the trash. "C'mon don't be like Hopper" you said with a frown, "he literally can't stay away from those."

“One smoke wont hurt. Besides I haven't smoked in more than a year now”, Steve said returning to his previous position of holding you, "don't wanna be a bad role model for the kids, I guess."

"Wow, now you really sound like a dad", you let out a chuckle.

"I'm not their dad", he groaned.

"So, mom, huh?"

"I wont kiss you if you keep calling me that", he mumbled behind your ear– a giggle erupting at the ticklish feeling and what was now an inside joke between you two. "Let's just stick with ‘role model’" you nodded.

"I'd say that they look up to you…. Especially Dustin"

".....Y' think so?"

You hummed in response. It didn't take a genius to notice the bond between Dustin and Steve. Sure, it was a bit out of normal to befriend someone five years younger than oneself but then again none of the circumstances they'd been through were normal. And ever since the previous year's events, Steve Harrington and Dustin Henderson had developed a sort of brotherly bond.

"cool", he muttered nonchalantly.

Comfortable silence once again fell between the two of you. Steve drew circles on the exposed skin beneath the hem of your shirt, his fingers leaving sparks along the surface. In all honesty, you wanted to drop all your laundry and just let him hold you, kiss you.

You and Steve had only been together for more than a week at this point– only going as far as kissing. You were still incredibly new to all relationship stuff, so Steve (despite being quite a horndog) had given you plenty of space. The last thing he wanted to do was make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe– and you were grateful for that. However, it was hard to ignore the attraction you both felt for each other. In ways both emotional and physical. Hopper hadn't ever truly given you the birds and bees talk, so you were a little clueless in the process of it all. Yet you knew that you felt something when it came to Steve Harrington. Something that you've never felt before. 

You put in the last shirt in the machine, with the detergent and started it. You turned around in Steve's arms as you wrapped yours around his neck. 

His hair was short of a mess, but it was still a pretty mess and stray strands bounced against his forehead. You both were so close that you could count all the moles and freckles on his face. Your gaze ran over all his features, taking it all in, engraving it to memory. Because you didn’t want to forget about the slight pinkish hue of his cheeks, the small bump on his nose that might’ve been the result of being hit a few times too many, or his lips. His soft, pink, warm, yet slightly chapped lips. The very same that had been on yours just a bit ago. Your proximity even allowed you to see the scars that the previous years had brought to him, they were small and barely noticeable now but they were there and you wanted to trace them and kiss them all. 

“Y’know I would’ve called you creepy for staring so intently, if you weren’t so cute”, Steve smirked.

You tried to hide your face in his chest to hide your embarrassed features. He kissed the top of your head, mumbling a little, “you’re so cute”

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“I was thinking….”, your voice tapered off as you tried to look for the right words.

“Yeah, what were you thinking?”

“Y’know… Thinking about... us?”

His breath hitched as the worst case scenarios started racing through his mind. Did you want to break up? Did you not feel the same? Were you going to leave? Were you-

"And…. I think that–", you gestured vaguely with your hands, trying your best to convey what you were trying to say without really saying it but Steve's mind was running a million miles a second. You could almost see the gears turning in his brain, and perhaps he was starting to understand what you were saying but still wanted you to say it out loud, "I'm y'know– Ready?"

"Ready for?"

"Y'know! Ready for…", you fidgeted with his hair, your eyes not meeting his, "Sex?" 

"Oh." Steve let out a breath of relief as his concerns drifted away.

"If u want to, obviously", you quickly added.

"Oh, I want to but are you sure? We don't have to rush, and we won't do anything unless you're sure of it, you know right?"

"Yeah, I– I know "

"So? Are you sure?"

"I think so, yeah", you mumbled in the most unconvincing way, you really weren’t sure if you were being honest. Steve frowned, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

"How 'bout you sit on this idea a bit more, ok? And if and when you're sure then and only then will we do it, ok?"

You nodded, shoulders relaxing. "Can I still get a kiss, though?"

"Of course your highness", he murmured with a smile as he leaned his head to kiss you. Your hands went to his hair again and his went to hold your cheeks. He held you so softly as if you'd break if you were to slip out of his hands. His palms helped in tilting your head sideways so he could kiss you deeper. But before you could continue, there was a knock at the door. You both immediately moved away as a reflex. 

"I thought you were going to be alone", Steve ran his fingers through his hair to fix his brown locks.

"It's probably El", you reason while fixing your own hair, "Please hide in my room?"

"But–"

"Steve, if she finds out about us she'll tell Hopper, and I wanna tell him myself please?"

"Ok ok, Jesus."

"Thanks", you mutter before landing a quick kiss on his cheek and then jogging to the front door of the cabin. There you are met with the faces of your little sister and her boyfriend. 

“Hey guys! You are–”

“We’re late, we know”, Mike huffed out, annoyed.

“Yeah, so late”, you hadn't even noticed that they were late.

“Are you mad at me?”, Eleven looked at you with such puppy-dog eyes that your heart immediately melted– you could never truly be angry at El. Mike however-

“No, El. I’m not mad, don’t worry”, Eleven grins at you and then hugs you tightly– squeezing you mercilessly. Suddenly, the young girl stills. When she pulled away, you noticed that her eyebrows were knitted together– her eyes were roaming around the cabin as if looking for something. 

"What's wrong?"

"There's something– I felt something" she spoke with a cautious tone as she walked to the middle of the room– next to the coffee table– looking for any signs of the upside down, demogorgons or demo-dogs. You weren't the only one traumatized, Eleven perhaps more so than you– not that it was a competition. The girl had single-handedly fought interdimensional monsters multiple times already and she wasn't even fourteen yet. The hair on her hand arose in goosebumps, "there's something in here."

Your mind went back to the previous night and the uneasiness you'd felt. You'd chalked it up to your imagination and anxiety– there's no way they were back– but what if they were? Eleven sure as hell was feeling something and you felt it the night before too– it couldn't be a coincidence. Perhaps Steve Harrington was wrong. Perhaps those things are still out there, waiting for the correct moment to attack– ready to tear you apart, the moment you look away.

Eleven walked towards your rooms, Mike following behind her. The short-haired girl's steps stopped right in front of your room. The same room you'd felt that thing last night. The same room in which Steve was hiding. Steve.

Steve.

Uh oh.

"El– it's probably nothing–", you tried to stop her from discovering your scandalous affair but before you could complete your sentence, the superpowered girl used her powers to open the door wide open. Your gaze darted across the room– no Steve Harrington in sight. "See? told you", a sigh of relief left your lips, he had probably gone out the window, "its nothing."

But Eleven's posture was still stiff, she took careful and cautious steps towards your closet, eyeing the thing as if it was your poor hand-me-downs who she fought against the previous years.

"Eleven–"

Mike shushed you. Eleven moved closer to the closet, she braced her legs and held out her arm, ready to use her powers.

"El–"

Eleven yanked her hand and the doors to the closet flew open and from between your clothes emerged none other than Steve Harrington– in all his messy hair glory. "Woah, woah woah woah!--" His back slammed against the wall and he let out a pained grunt. 

"Steve?!" Both Eleven and Mike questioned.

"hey", he whimpered.

"Oh god, are you okay?" You walked over to him, helping him stand up, checking for any bruises or signs of injury.

"What is Steve doing here?" Eleven inquired.

"He's here because.. Because I- I called him" he nodded along to you "I was kinda bored" you added

"And why was he hiding?" Mike interrogated with a cocked brow. 

"Well—"

"I wasn't hiding—"

"El, you know how Hopper feels about people visiting the cabin", you fidgeted with the edge of your shirt, "he'd get mad."

Eleven knew. She knew how much convincing it took for Hopper to allow Mike to visit her at the cabin– it took him weeks. So she knew how you felt. "Okay", She nodded. She held Mike's arm and started pulling him to her room.

"Okay– uh— El, D'you need anything to eat or something?"

"Eggos!", she said over her shoulder.

"Soda f'me!", mike shouted back.

"Okay."

El closed the door behind her, let go of Mike's arm as she went to wipe the droplet of blood that was on her upper lip. 

"So are (y/n) and Steve like, fucking?" Mike asked with a disgusted look.

"F–fucking?" She repeated, confused.

"Um— you know like…", Mike scratched the back of his neck, "are they dating? Like us?"

"I don't know."

"Cuz I'm pretty sure they are."

"Fucking?"

"uh..... Sure", he was going to regret teaching El that word, most definitely.

...

"I think Wheeler might be onto us."

Steve was sitting on the countertop as you loaded the toaster with eggos. 

"Of course he is– of all people—"

"I swear that kid hates me."

"I mean— you are his sister's ex so it's a little bit weird"

"Yeah, I guess"

You walked over to the fridge, taking out the whipped cream, chocolate and candies.

"Oh, am I about to witness the triple decker eggo extravaganza?"

"No. The eggo extravaganza is made specifically by Hop for when El is mad at him. This is the eggo spectacular sandwich", you state while setting down the ingredients, "my recipe!" You added with a proud grin.

"Wow, so I guess eggo is to El, what ice cream is to you?", He suggested with a small smile.

"I suppose."

"I wanna know the secret recipe"

"You can't! It's a secret!"

You both let out a laugh. the radio from Eleven's room started blasting "good old-fashioned loverboy" by Queen. Steve then hopped down form the counter, running his hands through his hair. He stood right beside you on the counter, knocking his hips with your— you returned the action. Giggling at your antics. The brunette boy started singing along to the lyrics. He brought your hand up to his shoulder and held the other one with his. His right hand rested on your back as you danced goofily. He started kissing you.

You pull away when the eggos pop up from the toaster. You quickly assemble two eggo spectacular sandwiches and carry the two plates to Eleven's room. "Oh shit— Steve? Grab the soda for Mike please?"

Steve took out a can of coke from the refrigerator, kicking the door close behind him as he followed behind you.

"And here's your eggo sandwiches!", You announced with enthusiasm.

"Here's your coke, man", Steve muttered without an atom of enthusiasm while tossing the can in Mike's general direction— the black haired boy barely managed to catch it. The boy looked at you and then Steve with narrow eyes as he opened the tab, he maintained eye contact while he took the first couple sips of the fizzy drink. Both you and Steve tried your best to avert your gaze.

"Uh– okay I'll be in the TV room if you guys need me", you uttered awkwardly before pushing yourself and Steve out of the room's confinement.

"God, I swear if Wheeler figures out about us, he will tell Will, Lucas, Max, and Dustin. And that kid won't ever shut up about it", Steve said— rubbing his face in frustration. "And if Hopper finds out about this? I am screwed!"

"Please Hop wouldn't do that", you stated, "and I'm thinking of telling him and El today, anyway."

"Wait, seriously?"

You nodded.

"You think I should be there?"

"No no no, I wanna do it with just them around"

"Oh, okay", he fixed his hair— gaze falling on the wall clock, "Oh, shit I gotta go" he pecked your cheek, "or I'll be late…. Again "

"It wasn't my fault last time and it isn't my fault this time either ", you commented behind him as he picked his jacket up, slinging it over his shoulder. He muttered a quick "bye" before he was out the door— off to the mall, to his job.

You let out a deep sigh— reminiscent of your old deadbeat job you had at the gift shop near Melvald's when you lived in the camp next to the Munson's. Although Jim had gotten you a place to live you still needed money, so you'd gotten yourself a job— wrapping gifts and bouquets for people. It would always flutter your heart when people would tell you and ramble a bit about their lives, then you'd spend hours filling in the gaps— wondering how the day turned out for them. You reckoned it was one of the reasons why you were so infatuated by the idea of love. Up until recently it had been such a familiar yet alienating feeling.

But now here you were! Sure, you were unemployed now, but you had a father, a sister and an amazing and beautiful boyfriend and you weren't alone. But the more you thought about it the more you realised that you were— alone, that is.

You still locked yourself in the cabin, telling yourself that it could be still dangerous— and you weren't willing to take a risk.

It wasn't always like this, there was a time when you would actually go out with Steve— sometimes to his house, sometimes to Dustins, or the arcade or anywhere. But ever since you graduated with Steve, you'd made rules for yourself. You won't leave the house anymore, it was too dangerous anyway. You quit your job because it was shitty and you didn't want people seeing you. And although you'd made those decisions, you still wished for a job, missing all the stories you'd make up about the people who visited you. 

You spent the next couple hours going through a cardboard box that was filled up with all things Steve and you. Whether it be the graduation hat you wore, or the beer cans from when you got drunk for the first time, or polaroids of you both, flowers he'd bought you, and everything else that tied you two together.

A couple hours passed by, Jim made his presence known with a knock at the front door. You went up to open the door. And as you looked up at Hopper you noticed the bags and dark circles under his eyes— he looked tired and smelled of beer and cigarettes. "Hey, kid", he muttered through his bushy moustache. You let out a sigh and went in to get him some water. 

"El back yet?"

"Yeah", you said giving him the glass, "in her room with Mike", you pointed towards the door with your thumb.

"Wheeler's here?"

"When's he not?" You rolled your eyes. The man handed you the glass back and took off his shoes and went into his room. He emerged out within a few minutes.

"Movie night?", He offered

"But El is with Mike."

"What about just us two, huh? Haven't done that in a while"

You agreed and before you knew it you were Cozied up in a blanket while hopper was on the lazyboy. You both watched a random movie while sharing chips, candy and soda. After about thirty minutes into the movie, you noticed Hopper was distracted, the muffled music from Eleven's room was in fact breaking your immersion too. He shoved a handful of chips in his mouth while downing some beer from the can. You turned your gaze back to the TV screen. 

"Hey!" Your eyes averted from the screen to him who was now looking at Eleven's now shut door with seething anger. He got up quickly, shouting, "HEY! Three inch minimum! Leave the door open three inches!" He went for the locked door handle, "El? Open this door", he said with gritted teeth, "Open. This. Door—"

The door opened but El and Mike weren't kissing, they were just reading magazines. "What's wrong?", You tried to hold in your laughter at noticing that Mike was holding his upside down. Hopper clearly noticed too.

"Thank God, you don't have a partner," he said pointing at you, "I can't imagine another stupid, undeserving boy hogging up my child." You bit your tongue at his anger. There went your chance to talk about Steve.

It was 12:30 a.m. and you really didn't feel like sleeping. You'd been feeling the headache, again.  You went to the kitchen, heading straight to the fridge— taking out the peanut butter jar and pineapple can. Right when you put a spoonful of the mixture in your mouth the light of the kitchen switched on.

"Why in the hell are you up so late?", Hopper interrogated.

You let out a loud yelp, cringing at the sound— the volume sure to wake up neighbours, if you had any. Through the three inch opening of Eleven's room's door, you could see that the light also turned on. 

"What are you doing?", The man asked, tucking his gun in his waist belt— surely he had thought of your midnight snack sounds for an interdimensional monster's sounds.

“Nofhing”, you said through a mouthful.

Hopper had known you since you were fourteen, he knew it might've had something to do with a nightmare. “Did you have another one?”

You stopped mid chew, avoiding his eyes– a tell.

“Same thing?”

Before you could say anything, the door to Eleven's room creaked and the short haired girl slowly stepped out, said hair sticking up as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Everything okay?", She asked.

"Yeah, El shorry.", You apologised.

"Oh, it's okay," she said with a soft smile.

"It's not okay, what are you doing up so late?"

"I was Exshpanding my taste horizons", you stated, looking at Hopper like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"With peanut butter and pineapple at 12 in the morning?" He asked with narrow eyes.

"Please don't question my methods, Hop. I was hungry and wanted to try something new"

“How's that working out for you?”

“I... haven't decided yet.”

"I want to expand my taste ho- horizons too", Eleven imparted, struggling with the pronunciation of the new word.

"See? El gets me."

"Sure, whatever." Jim waved his hand off, "expand whatever, but you both better be asleep within thirty minutes", he ordered before going back to his room.

"Let's go to my room."

You and Eleven were lying on your bed now, covered in blankets. Much to your dismay Eleven wasn't a big fan of the food combo so you took her remaining portion too. Eleven looked around the room, eyes bouncing from one thing to another. It had dawned on you now that eleven had never been in your room for this long.

She got up from her place and picked up a brown teddy bear with a blue ribbon around its neck that was kept on top of your room's table.

"Oh, you found Mr. Arnold Bearenbearer"

"Arnold, w- what?"

"You can just call him Mr. Arnold", you laughed at the stupid name Hopper had given to the soft toy, "Hop gave it to me the first time I was here. I didn't have a place to live, so he took me in for a few"

"I remember being so scared that the bad men were going to get me or worse", you smile soon faded at the thought of the people from the lab and the amount of fear you had felt. "I'm sure Hop noticed and he gave me Mr. Arnold— I think he belonged to Sarah"

"Sarah? Hopper's daughter?"

You nodded with a hum. 

"I don't know what it is about Mr. Arnold. It's like he has powers— just holding him makes you feel so safe"

"Mr. Arnold has powers? Like us?"

"Just like us— he uses his powers to help others who get a little scared or lonely, with a hug!"

Eleven gave the soft toy a tight squeezing hug and she visibly relaxed.

"He smells like you and Steve", she whispered into the fur of the bear.

"Yeah, well, don't tell this to anyone but Steve gets scared sometimes too."

"He does?", She asked with wide eyes as if what you'd told her was the most unbelievable thing.

You hummed "Everybody gets scared every once in a while, it's completely okay too." An image of Steve hugging Mr. Arnold tightly like a scared little boy flashed in your head. How he'd once visited you in the middle of the night with red eyes and disheveled hair-- saying he couldn't sleep because of the nightmares. You'd told Steve about Mr. Arnold and just an hour later he was asleep-- free from all the bad dreams.

Eleven came underneath the blanket with Mr. Arnold snug in her arms. She lied down on her side while you lied on your back. after a moment of settling in, she called out your name softly.

"Yeah?", You turned your head slightly towards her.

"Are…. Are you and Steve fucking?", She asked with the most earnest look.

"... what– what did you say?"

"Fucking?"

"D'you know what that word means?"

"Kissing and dating?"

"Who told you that?" trying your best to not laugh, El was a sensitive girl, you didn't want her to think that you were making fun of her– you could never.

"Mike told me."

"Of course he did", you mumbled to yourself before turning on your side— towards her. "Why don't you ask Mike what that means again tomorrow, huh?"

"Okay", she paused as if making a mental note to do so, "So are you and Steve….."

"Yeah, yeah we are."

"You're like me and Mike?"

"Yep."

"why did you not tell me or Hopper?"

"Steve and I have been together for like a week and I was planning on telling both you and Hopper today— but I don't think now's the right time y'know?"

"You will not tell Hop?"

"I will, I just need some time, okay? you know now, I'll tell hopper soon too, I promise", you really were tired of sneaking around, you wanted Hopper to know. tomorrow- you promise yourself. "Promise you won't tell Hopper till then?" its not like you didn't trust her but she isn't the best at hiding something.

"But friends don't lie."

"I'm not lying El, its keeping a secret. I'll tell him but I want to be the one who tells him. you know how I don't tell Hopper if you sneak off with mike without telling him or something like that–"

"So I don't tell Hopper?"

"Yeah", you looked at her with anticipation.

she looked at you, mulling over it before nodding and saying a whispered, "Okay."

silence settles over the two of you. you were almost asleep when eleven's voice saying your name brought you back to consciousness. "Does Steve kiss you?"

you cleared your throat, heat rushed to your cheeks, "uh, yeah, that's what boyfriends do."

"D'you like it?"

"Sure do."

"I like it too, when mike does it."

You hummed, you weren't really sure how to respond. Both you and Eleven fell silent for a bit. your eyes started drooping again.

you heard the girl say your name again, you hummed, "Yeah, El?"

"I think Steve's nice."

"You think so?", You smiled. she nodded in response, a smile of her own.

"... Do you think Mike is nice?"

"I don't really know him that well, but he seems nice, he really does care for you." you really didn't know how to feel about the boy. he seemed to really care about your sister, but you didn't know why, you didn't trust him. not in a he's-gonna-betray-my-sister kind of way but rather, i-don't-know-if he's-right-for her. but maybe you just needed to give both of them a break, they weren't even fourteen, for god's sake.

Your name was called again, you hummed.

“You're awake because you had a nightmare again, aren't you?” the sleepy smile on your face slipped, you looked at her. she looked at you expectantly.

friends don't lie, “...yeah", your voice came as all but a whisper, before the girl could say anything you quickly added, gaze back at the ceiling, "but i don't feel like talking about it right now.”

"Okay", she said, suppressing a yawn.

"Let's get you to bed okay?"

"Here", she wrapped an arm around your torso and mumbled into the pillow, "I wanna sleep here."

"Okay, 'night kiddo", You put your palm behind her head, playing with her hair, scratching her scalp lightly.

She let out a sleepy hum before breathing out a "'night" herself. You continued carding your fingers through her slightly tangled hair as her soft snores floated in the air— before drifting off to sleep yourself.

Hopper wanted to be resting but he also wanted his two kids to be fast asleep at a reasonable time. he was trying his hardest to be the best father he could be— emphasis on trying. So, thirty minutes after he'd found you in the kitchen, shoving pineapple covered in peanut butter in your mouth, he went to check both your rooms to make sure you both were back in bed.

When he saw Eleven's room empty, he felt the beginnings of anger rising in his head. He then looked through the three inch gap of your room's door and saw both you and Eleven cuddled up and sound asleep. Any amount of anger or worry simmered down as he noticed your calm and serene faces— both your gentle snores muffled by the quilt. 

He felt a smile creeping onto his features. He then turned back towards his room— footsteps as quiet as possible and went back to slumber himself.

...

A/n: i hope the time jumps weren't too confusing. if they were let me know! i'll try to explain them <3

[asiandra-dash]

Hi i saw u wanna rewrite akikasa hcs PLEASE WRITE ME SOME I BEG /nf /lh

HJKJSKDKHS AKIKASA anyways I was referring to a short story I wrote a while ago but THIS!!! IS (I think) MY FIRST AKIKASA RELATED ASK!!!! I MUST WRITE!!!!!! All I have to do is figure out which thoughts are based on canon and which ones are AUs-

I took 18 days to finally post this because I kept getting ideas and had to force myself to stop because this is way too long 888 words man this ain't fanfiction also if this is illegible I'm sorry none of my headcanon posts will ever be organized no beta or read more we die like my grades after my orchestra field trip

Starting with basic shit Akito is SO so in denial about his feelings and when he's finally fed up with it he chucks it down to infatuation (It is not)

And Tsukasa is an oblivious idiot to everything even though he has a stupid crush on this ginger he just refuses to say anything because he still thinks Akito despises his guts

My guy every little bit of physical contact you make with carrot head makes him look like color hex #ff0000 RGB 255, 0, 0 how do you not notice this

Tsukasa fell first, and they both fell harder >:)

You know Tsukasa'a 1* card where Akito saved the poor man from a spider or something that's when it happened Tsukasa didn't know at first cause like haha who the hell falls in love with someone over something so small I barely even know the guy

If Akito confessed first, after a long moment of awkward silence and Akito wishing the floor would eat him alive, Tsukasa is suddenly hugging him and crying (That's a yes btw)

If Tsukasa confessed first, it would take a bit (probably a few days or weeks) but eventually Akito with the support of everyone finally accepts his feelings for Tsukasa (He didn't tell anyone about the confession btw it was probably Akiyama or one of Tsukasa's friends that told everyone also the threat of Rui was probably another reason he couldn't deny lmao)

Every date, and I mean EVERY SINGLE DATE, Tsukasa will always bring or buy some cheesecakes or pancakes for Akito

And if he doesn't the next time he brings lunch for Akito he'll bring him more cheesecake than he usually does to make up for it

When Tsukasa found out Akito's favorite flowers were sunflowers, he sometimes brings one for him too :D

Tsukasa probably got a pair of sunflower clip-on earrings too (Or whatever they're called)

Tsukasa loves to tackle hug Akito and it never fails to make the ginger laugh <3

Tsukasa borrows Akito's jackets a lot (At least twice a week).

Akito complains about it but let's be honest he loves it when he gets it back and all he smells on it is Tsukasa's scent

Tsukasa loves giving gifts to Akito even if there's no special occasion, usually some type of jewelry like earrings and the next day Akito's most likely wearing it

Obviously, they invite each other to their shows, and sometimes their other bandmates too

During WxS shows Akito's supportive and is internally loud but during VBS concerts Tsukasa is HOLLERING Akito's name and singing along if he knows the lyrics it's embarrassing but if you look closely enough you can tell it hypes up Akito a little more and he tries even harder (An has taken note of this and teases him nonstop about it)

Neither of them are a huge fan of PDA but if you stare long enough you'll probably miss a sneaky little kiss when you blink

That or if Tsukasa's in a really good mood he'll practically cling to Akito (Which is like 50% of the time tbh)

That one post I made on my side blog is real and so is the first tag

Yes Ena and Saki are supportive but holy shit Akito wants to fucking strangle Ena whenever she brings it up (This applies to An too)

Tsukasa helps Akito be more open with his feelings and Akito helps Tsukasa deal with negativity better

Around people, Akito still treats Tsukasa how he would (if Tsukasa isn't being clingy) but once they're alone Akito acts like he's touch starved and refuses to leave Tsukasa alone

Akito sometimes helps Tsukasa with practicing for his shows. He's obviously not as good but he's trying and Tsukasa appreciates his efforts

Tell Akito to say wonderhoy and he'll look at you like you're fucking insane but have Tsukasa tell him and he'll say it as unenthusiastically as he can manage

And then Tsukasa will look at him all :((( and Akito does it with more energy and "jesus fucking christ the things I do to make Tsukasa happy" (It's just a wonderhoy idk why you're so pissed /hj)

I do not understand Japanese and I am not caught up on that one event story with furry Akito so correct me if I'm wrong (about the italicized part) but before Akito gets over his fear of dogs Tsukasa always made sure they would steer clear of them and if one suddenly appeared this blond pink theatre kid is going to protect his pathetic fucking boyfriend with his life

Rui: Is that a hickey? | Tsukasa: No! It’s just a mosquito bite. | Akito, walking into the room: Hey, guys. | Rui: Hi, mosquito.

Whenever one of them stays up really late when staying over. the other tries to convince them to go to bed and cuddle/snuggle with them and it works.

Tsukasa practically begs meanwhile, if possible, Akito hugs Tsukasa from behind and basically just collapses onto him half asleep mumbling into his ear (Can you tell I'm tired it's 1 AM and I got 3 hours of sleep yesterday I'm running off of a power nap rn)

Obviously, Tsukasa can't do anything with Akito like that so he basically carries Akito to the room of whoever they're staying at

Akikasa supremacy WHO'S WITH ME AKIKASA!!!!!!! (I'm dying on a hill please)

Divider / Reply Icon made by me! ( 1 | 2 )

[rorywritesjunk]

I can’t tell where the journey will end But I know where to start

Prequel to my Kid Buggy fic, set about 11-ish years before that story.

Buggy meets you by chance when he needs his buttons sewn back onto his jacket. He’s young, up and coming, and he thinks everyone should cower before him wherever he goes, but all you do is smile at him.

Rating: PG-13ish just for some swearing. Warning: Buggy’s in his early 20s. He’s an asshole. He just is because I wanted to write him loud, demanding, everything. Chapter warning has drinking, a drunk and all over the place Buggy, and Sunny just quietly being "what the fuck". Also it's Buggy's birthday. A/N: I have no idea when Buggy became a Captain, so he’s a fresh faced captain in this. No clue how long this fic will be. I actually have started rewriting it after chapter 5 because I realized I wanted to change some things up.

Title comes from “Wake Me Up” by Avicii.

TAGLIST: @lostfirefly @ane5e @kingofthemfingpirates @the-angriest-angel @tiredemomama @valen-yamyam16 @i-reblog-fics-i-like @plethora-of-fickleness @uhnanix

Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6 + Chapter 7 + Chapter 8 + Chapter 9 + Chapter 10 + Chapter 11 + Chapter 12 + Chapter 13 + Chapter 14 + Chapter 15 + Chapter 16 + Chapter 17 + Chapter 18 + Epilogue

Chapter 6

“I think she’s heartbroken.” Benji said as he and Miss Pins watched you stumble around the shop, looking through stacks of fabric and spools of thread looking for your tailor’s chalk that was tucked up in behind your ear. You had been acting… odd since you told Buggy to leave the shop three weeks ago. You managed to sew a customer’s order to your lap, sewed cuffs inside out on another one, and just now you spent the last hour looking for the blue piece of tailor’s chalk that you tucked behind your ear. 

“Oh?” Miss Pins replied, head resting in her hand as she watched you look through the same stack of fabric again. “You’re a kid, how do you know about heartbreak?”

“I was in love with a girl and she broke my heart.” Benji told her as you finally found the chalk and set it on the table. “We were 12. She told me she wanted someone nicer, which was dumb. I am nice. I just voice my opinions.”

“Well, don’t get hung up on that young romance. Someone else will come around.” The old woman said as you started looking for your scissors next. They were in a cup in front of you along with other tools. “This is really sad. Did she like the idiot that much?”

“I think so.” Benji frowned. “I didn’t like him.”

“Neither did I.” Miss Pins sighed. “So of course Sunny would.”

“Why did she like him?” Benji asked. Miss Pins shrugged.

“She’s always been kind, ever since she showed up here all those years ago.” Your boss replied. “No matter who someone was or how awful they were, she would just be nice to them.”

You finally found the scissors and held them up triumphantly before pausing and staring down at your work. It took you so long to find the tailor’s chalk that you forgot why you needed it and the scissors. You were distracted, half expecting Buggy to come bursting into the shop any moment now with some silly little thing to fix on his jacket, but you were quite firm when you told him to leave that one day, so he must have taken it to heart. You weren’t going to see him again.

Was it fair you got upset because he couldn’t remember your name? But at the same time, the way he reacted was more hurtful. Something stupid like your name. It repeated in your head nonstop and you wished it wouldn’t. He was just so mean about it. Sure, he had been rude and a bit of an ass since you met him, but it was never mean. 

You remembered what you were working on. A customer wanted his jacket to have reinforced stitches in the sleeves but more room in the shoulders to allow him better movement when he used his sword. He had come into the shop and while you even thought he was handsome, you didn’t hide your disappointment that it wasn’t Buggy. Miss Pins gave the job to you and the man paid ahead of time, so you immediately started working. 

Maybe Buggy would show back up.

~

You had been fast asleep until you were woken up by someone yelling outside the shop. You heard your boss shouting from her bedroom window at whoever it was, but you got up to see what was going on. You heard her shout Dammit Buggy! So you headed downstairs to the shop and opened the door. 

Sure enough, Buggy was standing there, glaring upwards at Miss Pins’ window. He swayed where he stood, a bottle clutched in his hand before he raised it up.

“You’re loud too, Miss Pins!” He shot back before shrieking and jumping out of the way. Miss Pins had dumped a cup of water on him. “Hey!”

“Buggy?” You stepped out of the shop and closed the door behind you. His eyes lit up when he saw you and he had a big smile on his face. His face was flushed and he looked so happy to see you.

“Su-Sunny! You’re still here!” He slurred, grinning as he dropped the bottle and threw his arms around you, catching you off guard. “I thought maybe… maybe you left and never wanted to see me again!”

Oh, this was a happy and drunk Buggy. You could smell the alcohol on his breath as well coming off of his clothes. You wondered how much he had already. It was best to send him on his way, to not get involved, but you worried what sort of trouble he would get into if you left him alone, so you called up to your boss’s window that you’d be back later, you wanted to make sure he got back to his ship safely. You picked up the bottle and put your arm around his waist, keeping a firm hold on him to keep him from wandering off.

“‘S my birrrrthday!” He announced as he slung an arm over your shoulder, laughing loudly as you made your way down the road and toward the docks. “I’m… I’m two months… After you. I’m younger.”

“You definitely are.” You mused as you tightened your arm around him. He looked at you with a smirk.

“You’re touching me.” He lifted his arm to have another drink and realized he didn’t have his bottle. “Where-”

“I have it, Buggy.” You told him, holding it up to show him. “No more, okay?”

He looked grumpy until his hand popped off and grabbed it from you, bringing it back to himself. Smirking triumphantly, he raised the bottle to his lips and continued drinking. You weren’t opposed to drinking at all, but you also didn’t want to be around a drunk pirate right now. You wanted to be home and sleeping.

“Which one is your ship?” You asked when you came to the docks. He lowered the bottle and frowned as he looked at them before pointing to one furthest to the right. You hoped he was right as you walked with him to the ship, still keeping a hold on him. Once you dropped him off you’d head back home, but he turned to you with bright and excited eyes.

“Have a drink with me!” He pleaded. “It’s… it’s my birthday.”

“I know it’s your birthday, you told me.” You reminded him. “And I don’t want a drink, Buggy. I need to get home.”

“Please?” He asked as he stopped in his tracks. You kept your arm around him and looked over at him. The happy and bouncy Buggy was gone, replaced with someone different. He looked unsure of himself right then as he asked you, turning his gaze to his feet. You were going to regret this but you sighed and nodded.

“One drink.” You told him, and before you knew it, he was smiling again and taking hold of your hand, leading you up to his ship with his chest puffed out proudly, looking quite happy once more. You followed after him, shaking your head as he led you to what you figured was the captain’s quarters. One drink, that was it, then you’d head home.

He finally finished the bottle and tossed it aside before stumbling over to a cabinet for more. You took a seat on his bed, watching him as he rummaged around before pulling out two glasses and a bottle. He grinned at you, wagging his eyebrows as he brought you a glass and opened the bottle, but you took it from him.

“The birthday boy shouldn’t be pouring his own drink.” You told him as he plopped down beside you. You didn’t trust him to not spill it everywhere so you poured him a glass before your own, setting the bottle out of his immediate reach (which was silly because he could still grab it with his Devil Fruit powers). “Cheers, Buggy.”

He smiled brightly and let his head rest on your shoulder as he gripped his glass tightly. “You’re nice.” 

“I’ve been told that.” You chuckled. “Thanks.” 

“No, no, no, you’re so nice.” He continued gushing. “And… y’know, I’m gonna marry you. You’re so nice, Sunny, and I’m not married, y’know, so we should get married.”

You choked on your drink and set the glass aside, coughing a bit before clearing your throat. Oh, he was so drunk. You reached up to pat his cheek gently. “You’re not going to remember any of this tomorrow, so don’t propose marriage to me yet.”

He tossed his drink back before giving you his glass. You put it beside yours, not wanting to fill it back up. The moment your hand was free he took it in his own, entwining his fingers with yours as he continued his drunken rambles.

“We’ll get married, because you’re so nice to me, and I’ll be so happy.” He continued as he turned to look up at you. “I want to be happy with you, Sunny.”

“Buggy, I want you to be happy too.” You told him. “I don’t know if marrying someone will make you happy, however.”

“Is it because I was an asshole on your birthday? Is… is that why you won’t marry me?” Buggy asked with a frown. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I was mean. I was an asshole. I like you a lot and got scared ‘cause I couldn’t remember your name, and you have a nice name, and I didn’t get you a present.” He suddenly dropped your hand and stood up, marching back over to his cabinet. “Wait, I wanna sh-show you somethin’!”

Oh, Drunk Buggy was just a bit everywhere. Happy, excited, emotional, and apologetic. It was kind of fun to see in a way. He rummaged through the cabinet before hurrying back over to you, tripping over his own feet before falling onto his bed beside you. He held up something and you took it. They were photographs of two young boys, one with a straw hat and red hair, and the other had to be Buggy going by the bright red nose and scowl. 

“That’s me,” He pointed to himself in the photo. “Wasn’t sure if you knew. And that’s Shanks. We… we were best friends on a ship together and then we weren’t.” He frowned. “Haven’t been for a few years.” He sat up on the bed and leaned into you again. “You’re really nice.”

“Thank you for apologizing for my birthday, Buggy.” You told him as you looked through the photos. There weren't many, and they were old, showing their age in their wrinkles and fading color. Buggy certainly was a cute little kid. “I’m sorry I was rude to you.”

He straightened up and put both of his hands on your cheeks, turning your head so you faced him. He glared at you and you wondered what was about to happen, but his gaze suddenly softened and he looked down at his lap, his hands still on your cheeks. “Don’t you ever apologize because you’re perfect and have done nothing wrong ever.”

You put both of your hands on his and moved them off your face. “Buggy, I think you need to go to bed.”

He turned red suddenly and pulled away from you, looking down at his lap as you got to your feet and removed his hat, setting it down on a nearby trunk. You noticed he went quiet but decided not to say anything as you looked for some kind of sleep clothes for him, or did he just sleep in his everyday clothes? When you looked back over at him he was struggling to remove his shirt. You sighed and went to help him get free of it. When you saw his face again, he looked away once more.

“What’s wrong?” You asked as you knelt in front of him to help take his boots off. You didn’t trust him to do it himself, afraid he’d topple over and hit his head. 

“I never… with… with anyone before.” He mumbled as he gestured between the two of you. For a solid minute you stared at him as you tried to process what he was thinking, and when it hit you, your face burned as you set his boots aside. “So um…”

“Neither have I, Buggy, but that’s not what I said.” You told him firmly. “I told you it’s time for bed. For you, not me. You need to get some sleep.”

“Canyoustaythenight?” He blurted out. “Please? I don’t… want to be alone.”

You stared at him for a moment, trying to wrap your mind around this. You didn’t intend for any of this to happen. You were just going to bring him home before going back to your place to crawl into your bed, but he managed to get you to stay for a drink (that you didn’t finish) and now he wanted you to spend the night. 

He was looking at you like you were the only thing that mattered in his world right then. It was a little hard to say no, but you did want to make sure he would be okay, so you removed your own shoes before putting your hands on your hips. “Where are your pajamas?”

He shrugged as he fell back on his bed, stretching out across it. His entire body separated for a moment before snapping back together and honestly, it was momentarily horrifying to see it all happen at once. You needed him to explain this but not when he was drunk. You sighed and nudged him to get under the blankets, which he did, watching you once more with bright, excited eyes as you got into bed beside him. Almost immediately he wrapped himself around you, resting his head against your chest as he closed his eyes and sighed happily. 

“So nice, so soft, warm.” He mumbled quietly. You took the chance to remove his bandana, pleasantly surprised to see how long his hair was. Why did he keep it all hidden? You ran your fingers through it as he made himself comfortable against you. “I don’t wanna be away from you again, please, ‘msorry.”

“Get some sleep, Buggy.” You told him as you pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Okay? No more talking.”

“Imma marry you.” He sighed. You rolled your eyes and wondered what you needed to expect the next morning.

[hee0soo]

Limitless

Kim Hongjoong x Stylist!Reader

Summary: Watching your boyfriend film for their new MV was torture, especially when said boyfriend was also a giant tease!

Smut

(This is my first attempt at writing something spicy and probably the only time, pls be gentle with me! 🥺🥺)

IdolAU

Disclaimer: this fic is written and copyrighted by ©hee0soo on tumblr. do not rewrite or repost on any other plattforms without my permission.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Being part of the Stylist team KQ has hired to do the styling of their groups was not something you had planned when you finished school!

But you needed the money and since you knew make up very well because of the YouTube-channel you had started when you were a teenager, KQ took a chance on you. Hoping that you would become a permanent fixture on their Team after proving your worth!

The boys and you were quite close in age, so it didn´t take long for you to became friends with them. They were some of the funniest and sweetest people you knew and the group quickly added you to their little friend group!

Especially Hongjoong had taken to you very fast. You didn´t know why and he also wouldn´t tell you but soon after you started, the two of you became closer.

It even got to the point where the leader would invite you to his studio. Showing you his room and what he was working on at the moment.

Sometimes you even got to hear song drafts before his members did!

You couldn´t help him with any of them since you didn´t know how everything worked but you loved seeing him in his element and he loved having you with him!

Something at the way you researched new makeup trends and organized outfits for future shootings gave him the energy boost he needed to finish his work way faster than usual!

When it became clear that ATEEZ was there to stay in the industry, the head stylist offered you the chance of becoming the captain’s personal Makeup-Artist and stylist!

You were elated when she pushed the contract over the meeting room table, telling you that Hongjoong had requested you specifically would take that job and no one else!

And now that it has been almost 4 years since you started, you couldn´t imagine being anywhere else!

Somewhere along those years of working with the man, your feelings of friendship had turned into a crush on him which in the end turned into loving relationship!

It wasn´t something you two would show to the world as to not cause a scandal.

The only people who knew, were of course the members, the closest co-workers you worked with on a daily basis, the CEO of KQ Entertainment and Hongjoongs parents! That man couldn´t hide anything from his mother! Especially the person who made him happier than he ever was!

Telling the boys about it wasn´t as hard as you initially thought it would be.

A worry of yours was that the members weren´t okay with you two dating because of the problems it could bring if it were to get out to the public but the way Wooyoung had jumped out of his seat, screamed “TIME TO PAY UP HYUNGS!” and made his round to collect money from the disappointed members proved you wrong!

Apparently they had bet on how long it would take the two of you, to get your head out of your butts and just kiss already.

Some of them were called into Hongjoongs room that day…! What happened in there was a mystery even to you!

Atiny´s also knew who you were and even though they didn´t know about the nature of your relationship, they did know that you were a close friend of the members!

Having appeared in more than just one LOGlog_book had shown more than one situation where the boys tried to tease you about something and you teased back. There were even compilations online about these moments for you to watch in between breaks!

Today the boys were called in to shoot the MV for their new Japanese Song Limitless!

You had seen the outfit’s way before the boys of course, as you had planned them with your co-workers but seeing your boyfriend dressed in an all black suit with the red sash and detailed embroidery, paired with his swept back hair and natural makeup made you feel some type of way!

Having him stand in front of you to touch his foundation up was hard! Looking at you with those knowing eyes, he stood still to let you do your work, not being able to hide a teasing smirk.

“Stop it!” you pouted while dabbing at his face.

Your boyfriend couldn´t stop the laugh from bubbling out. He found the way you were squirming way to funny to not say anything!

“Stop what my love? I´m not even doing anything!”

Blinking at you, he tried to pull the most innocent of faces. Failing miserably while doing so!

“Not doing anything my ass! You know exactly what you are doing! Looking all handsome and I’m not even allowed to touch while you are just standing there, making fun of me for thinking my boyfriend is sexy…”

His hands that were previously hidden behind his back found their way to your waist, pulling you towards, squeezing slightly and making you feel his body heat through your blouse!

“Joongie not here, please!” you whispered, slightly panicked at his soft touch.

It was hard enough to resist him just standing in front of you but he made it even harder when he started touching you. This was, after all, still your work place and having the boys or staff witness this was not something you wanted.

His brown orbs were not letting you hide away from him while he let his right hand slowly travel down to your butt.

“What´s wrong, jagi-ya? Something the matter?”

Tensing slightly at the touch you punched his shoulder.

“YAH, Hongjoong-ah stop eye-fucking your girlfriend on set! She´s a mess already! No need for her to drop to her knees in the middle of the set!”

Seonghwa called over to the two love birds. Blood was rushing to your ears and neck and you hopped that nobody noticed the state you were in.

The leader startled but didn´t break away from you.

“He hasn´t seen how messy you can really get, but don´t worry my love, I’ll turn you into one as soon as we get home!” he whispered in your ear before removing his hands from your body and walk over to his members.

A frustrated sigh escaped you, before you went back to your little work space.

Sometimes you hated how much his teasing affected you! Filming wasn´t even close to being done and during the entire afternoon, Hongjoong send seductive looks your way.

You couldn´t wait to get home already!

Finally after hours of sexual tension at work you were at your apartment! Even your co-workers had wished you a fun filled evening while winking at you before leaving.

As soon as the door closed, you had found yourself pushed against it with a thud. Lips pressed to the column of your neck, Hongjoong was mouthing at your skin. A quiet whimper left you and you could feel yourself getting wet immediately!

Standing chest to chest, Hongjoong could feel the way your body trembled at the prospect at what was to come.

“Did you really get that turned on watching me work my love?”

Feeling the whisper against your collarbone made you shiver!

His hand slowly traveled down your sides, underneath your shirt, making Goosebumps rise on your arms,

“Joongie… don´t tease please!” you whined, biting your lower lip to prevent any more sounds from slipping out.

His head came up from your neck to look at you. The beauty this man holds left you breathless!

Removing his right hand from under your shirt, he lifted his fingers to your face. Thumb slowly running over lip currently stuck between your teeth. Releasing the abused flesh you instead searched for his mouth, wanting to feel his lips on yours so very badly!

Having him close to you but not allowed to touch was killing you and by the way the males bulge was steadily growing, he didn’t feel that different! It wasn´t that you were told not to show any affection but both of you knew that once you kissed even once, you wouldn´t be able to stop that easily!

Various moments of the members walking in on you doing something not so safe for work proved that.

Your mouths slotted together like two puzzle pieces and Hongjoong couldn’t help but moan when he felt your tongue licking at his lower lip, begging to be let in!

Willingly parting them, his hand went from your face to your hair, holding on tightly. Both of you were fighting for dominance in an intense battle which you quickly gave up when your hair got tugged on by him.

It only egged you on further. Gathering all your strength you pushed against his chest. Hongjoong looked confused for a second but realized what you were up to when you took his hand to lead him towards your bedroom.

He pushed you onto the bed before he removed his shirt and crawled on top of you. The man helped you out of your own blouse, revealing the black lace of your bra.

His mouth found its way back to yours while his fingers landed on your boobs, fondling them gently.

Another moan slipped out of you but got swallowed by him.

“You are, so fucking sexy jagi-ya! It´s driving me absolutely crazy!”

Hongjoong quickly helped you out of your jeans before removing his own. You sat up to roll down the briefs he was wearing, finally freeing him from his prison of fabric.

His cock sprang free and you could feel your mouth watering.

You licked your lips and made him lay back down while taking place between his legs.

“Love you don´t have to…” he began but got silenced by you licking at his tip like a kitten searching for milk. Your tongue ran a few more times over him before taking him in, sucking like you would on a lollypop while hollowing your cheeks.

Hongjoong let out a loud groan at the heavenly feeling of having you suck him like you were starving.

Your hand went to the base of his member, applying gentle pressure to the bit you couldn´t fit in your mouth. His dick hit the back of your throat, making you gag slightly.

Tears were starting to gather at your lash line but refusing to fall.

“Take it slow baby. No need to rush yourself!” he gasped, worried that you were taking him in too quickly.

His left hand gripped onto the sheets while his right went to the back of your head, keeping you right where he needed you most at the moment.

He loved being inside your mouth but he´d rather be inside your pussy more.

Not wanting to cum before you did, he pulled you back up. A whine escaped your lips at getting pulled away from your treat!

He opened your bra and ripped the panty you were wearing at the seams. Not having the patience anymore to fumble them down your legs.

“hey…!”  

“I´ll buy you new ones!” he shushed you, pulling you on top of his thigh.

“Love you are dripping already and I haven´t even touched you yet! Are you that desperate to get fucked by me? Is that it? Do you want my cock inside your pretty pussy? Huh? Answer me baby! Do you want me to fuck you?”

While talking your boyfriend put his hands on your waist and ground you down on his thigh! Your clit made contact with his skin and you nearly fell forward. His thigh tensed and he helped you ride it slowly, applying pressure on your hips to grind down harder. Lips mouthing at the sweet spot right behind your ear.

“Come on pretty baby, do you want to cum like this? Grinding down on my leg like the good girl I know you are?”

Listening to Hongjoong talking dirty so close to your ear made your pussy clench around nothing! You felt empty as you tried to make yourself cum on his leg.

“Joongie…” you breathed desperately, already knowing that you wanted his dick inside you and you wanted him now! The tears that still clung to your lashes made your eyes shine brightly

Seeing tears of pleasure and frustration made Hongjoong take your face in his hands

Letting go of your hips made you lose the rhythm you had found with his help.

Whimpers left your mouth and the man could see that you weren´t going to be able to get yourself off. To desperate and helpless to do anything without his help!

“Please! Please daddy I want you your cock! Can I please have it?”

Hearing you beg was music to his ears.

“Aren´t you such a good girl, asking so politely for what you want! Such a sweet baby! Of course you can have what´s already yours…”

Your pussy automatically clenched in anticipation!

Hongjoong took his cock in his hand and lined himself up with your wet opening.

Slowly you let yourself sink down on him you both let out sounds of pleasure and satisfaction.

As soon as he bottomed out, he turned you both so he was on top of you now and started moving his hips against yours. His thrusts were slow but powerful and he hit your sweet as spot with every move he made.

Your mouth fell open, not being able to produce any sounds other than the quiet panting.

The clapping sound of skin hitting skin filled the room and you hooked your legs around his middle, trying desperately to keep him close.

Hongjoong pressed a soft kiss to your mouth, speeding up his thrusts gradually.

“Doing so good for me, taking my cock so well!”

He could feel himself getting closer to the edge and judging by the way your walls tighten around him, you weren´t that far behind!

His thoughts got faster and sloppier the closer he got to Cumming but not losing any of the power!

Your orgasm rolled over you in waves and the tightening of your pussy made him spill his cum inside you!

In moments like this you were glad you were on the pill!

Too lazy to pull out right away, the male laid his head on your chest, still gasping for air.

Your heart rate slowly came down as you clung onto the man you loved so much!

“I love M/V shootings!” you sighed still blissed out by what just happened.

Hongjoong lifted his head to look you in the eyes, smiling lovingly at your happy face.

“I love you!”

[ashwhowrites]

If you are taking angst prompts still maybe a mix of 3 and 5 with Steve? Maybe Steve has been flirting with the reader and there are definitely feelings there between them but another pretty face catches his attention and suddenly the flirting with this new pretty face?

Can end angsty or fluffy though! Dealers choice

I will gladly write this for you! My plan is to write it and see which ending flows to me better. I hope you like it! If it is not what you wanted, please let me know I will rewrite it for you

Update- the ending is sad! More of a fluff to angst

It sucks. Because I want to hate you, but I can’t.”

“You made me think I actually mattered.”

Y/N and Steve have been friends ever since Robin introduced them. They just clicked and got along well. But lately, her feelings for Steve have taken a turn into a less friendly destination. His eyes were suddenly more beautiful than anything. And his smile just seemed brighter. And his hair looks much softer. And she has a feeling he feels the same. For around two weeks, they have been flirting non-stop at work and at group hangouts. He'd compliment how she looked every day, never failing to make her blush. She wasn't the most confident, but she did try to make sure her attraction to him was known. From soft touches on his arm when he made her laugh. A smile that always seemed bigger when he was around. Plus, Robin called them out for "eye-fucking during work hours." That comment turned them both red, and they stammered out excuses. But today, Y/N decided she didn't want this banter back and forth, she wanted him. She put in extra work into her appearance for work today. Her hair was styled nicely, a shiny gloss coated her lips, and she wore Steve's favorite necklace that she owed. It was impossible not to look as it hung directly between her breasts.

 As she walked in, her eyes made contact with Robin, who did not bother to hide her smirk. "Well well, it looks like someone is dressing to impress." Y/N blushed and shrugged, "I'm going to do it today, Robin." She exclaimed excitedly. Robin's smile beamed, "About time. He's in the back. Go get your man." With a big smile on her glossy lips, she ran straight into Steve. "Slow down, gorgeous." He laughed. "I want to ask you something," she said, a tad nervous. He nodded along with an encouraging smile. "Would you want to go out on a date tonight?" The silence was starting to make her sick. Her heart felt like it was going to fall out of her stomach and puke it out. But the smile that lit up Steve's face eased her worries. "I thought you'd never ask." The date was set. They were going to a carnival that the town was having for the month. She wore a long-sleeved, slightly tight shirt. A pair of ripped jeans and sneakers. Her hair was thrown up; she did not want it to blow into her wet lips all night. They were walking hand in hand around the park. Steve bought cotton candy for them to share and covered her arms in his jacket. The night was going well. They smiled, laughed, and more soft touches were shared. She was so glad she took the first step in asking him out. She wanted him for way too long. "Alright, I'm doing the most cliche moment in recent history. I am giving you a giant stuffed animal, "Steve announced as he walked up to the balloon booth. He perfected his stance and threw darts into the balloons. Hearing the satisfying pop and ring of a bell had announced to the couple he had won. "Pick your poison, gorgeous." He had a bright smile on his face. He hasn't felt this smitten in a long time, ever since Nancy. He loved this feeling. Seeing her smile grow as she pointed to the giant stuffed elephant had him swooning. The guy handed over the elephant. She turned to Steve with a glossy smile and said, "Thank you, Stevie." The nickname melted his heart. If Robin was here, she'd have a field day. His heart skipped faster as she leaned in and smashed her lips on his. He could feel both their lips stretching into smiles as they tasted each other. He could feel his lips getting wet and sticky from her gloss, but he didn't care. She pulled away with a giggle, "Sorry I kind of turned your lips pink." She went to wipe it off, but Steve's hand stopped her. "No, I will wear this proudly." It had been a few weeks since the first date, and she felt so special. He picked her up for work and brought her home. And he even got her flowers the next morning, stating how he would love to do it again sometime. She was gushing to Robin about how perfect everything had been going. They've been on three more dates and kissed many more times. By the third date, they were making out in the front seat of Steve's car in the middle of her driveway. She wanted him to ask her to be his girlfriend, and she was willing to wait however long it took. ~~~ But now, as she watched this gorgeous girl walk up to the counter asking for movie recommendations, looking like an actual model, her stomach turned sour. She didn't miss the way Steve checked her out, from her hair down to her expensive shoes. Steve gladly took her under his wing and walked her through the store. His eyes never once reached Y/N's. Her stare seemed to be burning in his head, but it was like he didn't care. He was starstruck by this new girl. She put on a fake smile and continued to help the other customers. Sadly, that wasn't the only day the girl showed up; she came every single day. Robin told her she always showed up and asked for Steve's help only. Robin was good at reading people. She knew what Steve was doing was hurting her best friend. She wanted to punch Steve in his perfect face. It was like she had just completely vanished from his life. He barely talked to her. When she called to hangout, he was busy with her. She knew she couldn't be mad at him because they weren't dating, but she felt led on. Why make it seem like she mattered to him if he was going to blow her off? Why would he kiss her if he wasn't interested in being with her? Did he just want a quick fling? She had so many questions. It has been two weeks of Steve ignoring Y/N for this new girl. She couldn't stand by and watch him flirt with this girl right in front of her, like she just didn't matter. She needed it to stop and she needed him to know he was hurting her. At the end of the shift, she walked to his car. Before she could get a word out, Steve beat her to it, "Sorry, I can't give you a ride tonight. I'm meeting Lexi at the hideout. " She felt her heart shatter right there. He finally acknowledged her just to say he was blowing her off for Lexi, again.

"I wasn't coming for a ride, Steve. I haven't gotten one from you in two weeks.” The harsh and bitter tone slipped out stronger than she wanted it to be. She didn't want to be hostile, but it was so hard. He just didn't care anymore, and that hurt.

 Steve was taken back by her tone, but before he could question it, she beat him to it. “I need to talk to you tonight at my house. I'm not taking no for an answer. Come before the hideout or after. I don't care. " And she headed to her bike and rode off to home. Steve was frozen. He had never heard her so bitter, angry, and mean before. She was always so sweet, gentle, and more. He quickly got in his car and ran home to change, then went to her place. Y/N was waiting on her bed, tears soaking into the stuffed elephant that felt more of a painful reminder now than a happy memory. Robin told her all about King Steve, but she said he changed. Now she wasn't so sure. Maybe he doesn't stay satisfied for long. Or maybe she was just the problem. A cough caused her head to whip up. There, Steve stood with a sad look in his eyes. Seeing her cry into her elephant caused his heart to hurt more than he wanted. He wanted to smile at the memory, but he had a feeling he fucked up. "Your mom let me in." He took a seat next to her and reached for her hand. It felt like a blow in the gut when she ripped it out of his reach. She threw the elephant to the floor and hugged her knees. "I want to ask you something," she started. It felt like déjà vu. She has memories of when she last said that led them to the best date of her life. A date that now felt like a painful reminder that it didn't mean anything to him. "Are you dating this Lexi girl?" She asked, and it fucking hurt to ask out loud. The fear of the answer was hanging above her head. She didn't want to reach for it, but she needed the truth. "No, I'm not. We are just hanging out. " 

"But you like her?" She took his silence as a yes. She could see the guilt swimming in his brown orbs. She sighed and tried to collect herself. "You made me think I actually mattered to you, like you really liked me. I thought we were working towards a relationship and you just hung me out to dry. " She wished she could stop crying. She hated feeling this way this weak in front of him. He had never seen her cry before, and knowing it was because of him made guilt build in his stomach. Regret filled his veins, seeing her break down, knowing there was nothing he could do to fix this. “You do matter. I do really like you. I'm sorry. I just got caught up. Please let us work this out. Just you and me. " He felt like he was begging. If he just stayed focused on her, none of this would be happening. She shook her head at his words, "No you don't, Steve. I was just the one girl who made you feel wanted. kept you warm until someone else came along. My feelings don't matter to you; my feelings aren't important to you; and you don't want to be with me. If you wanted me, you would have looked elsewhere. " It hurt to say, but it was the truth. She was smitten by him. She didn't even notice anyone else. It wasn't the same for him. "It sucks. Because I want to hate you, but I can't. " She whimpered out in between her sobs. His heart felt heavy. He collected her in his arms, letting her tears soak into his shirt. He apologized in her hair, but he knew it wasn't enough. He lost her, and he had no one to blame but himself. "Lexi is waiting for you. Goodbye, Steve. I'll see you at work. " And with that, she stood up and went into her bathroom. She needed to be alone, and she prayed when she came back he would be gone, and he was.

[dduane]

After knowingly being a fan of your Star Trek work since the 90s, and having pushed Young Wizards on as many folks as I can for the last (how long have I been on here?) dozen years or so, and having bought the full download pack just before UK sales went on hiatus due to taxes, I have finally, finally started reading SYWTBAW. I'm instantly in love. The character introductions are perfect. The system explanations are natural, fitting with what the characters know themselves. I'm so happy! But that's an aside, a happy bonus...

I have been a fan of the X-Com/UFO game series since I first discovered it, which was when they brought the game to the Playstation in '95? Wow, that game was wild. I would go visit my friend and play with him, working on tactics for missions for hours on end, then come home and boot up my own system and run more missions on my own. I had multiple memory cards so I could save while engaging the enemy and also keep a save safely back at base if things went pearshaped. When I finally entered the PC-owners market in 97, it was one of the first games I installed there and I still have a copy on every computer I've owned since, and play regularly. I have the official strategy guide, and (the point of this message) I have the tie-in novel that you wrote! Finding that was a lucky thing, I've never seen or heard of another copy. I love what you did with the story, how it ties in well to the mechanics and spirit of the game without remaining constrained to the specifics of the game engine's limitations due to programming requirements.

When it came to writing about games, and writing for games such as Wing Commander, did you (do you still) play (m)any of them to learn more about the systems and lore?

Firstly: thanks for the nice words about my work. :) Much appreciated.

In answer to the question you wound up with: I'm not gaming actively at the moment... there's too much other stuff going on locally that requires my attention. But when I've been asked to participate in a game-based project, I absolutely spend as much time playing it as possible before I get down to work. I'll never be able to spend as much time on it as any given game's major enthusiasts would. But I do my homework, and make sure I have the data I need to handle the story issues and to drive a decent plot.

When I was working on Privateer 2: The Darkening, this wasn't so much of a problem, because I came in as cold as anyone else: nobody outside EA had played the game before. :) That said, I hadn't been hired for my expertise as a gamer, but as a screenwriter. I did spend a lot of time with the game designers and engineers, watching how gameplay was supposed to go and working out how I could best reinforce that rhythm in the way the scenes I was writing played out. It was a really enjoyable collaboration, as the engineers were as fascinated with what I was doing as I was with what they were up to. If there was a downside to the experience, it was having to be more or less a prisoner in Slough for six weeks while the writing and rewriting happened. But this kind of thing is an occupational hazard, best taken as gracefully as possible. (Though that wasn't hard in retrospect, especially considering the cast who wound up speaking the lines I'd written. Clive Owen, Brian Blessed, Mary Tamm, David Warner, John Hurt, Mathilda May, David McCallum, Jürgen Prochnow,... my God, what a lineup.)

X-Com: UFO Defense, though, I'd known for a long time and had played quite a bit: so when asked to pitch, I more or less came in hot with a bunch of issues that I felt needed more attention than they'd had in the actual game. I was delighted to get more or less carte blanche to handle them, and to create a bunch of edgily professional characters to run around destroying the bad guys. It was also, frankly, a ton of fun to use the narrative to blow up or drop alien spacecraft on things that (in real life) were annoying me in that timeframe. For example, in the culmination of one battle I dropped a big alien ship through the beautiful Renaissance Revival roof of the main rail station in Zurich because I was cranky about some slippery floor tile they'd installed downstairs in a refurbishment of the ShopVille shopping center. (I mean, seriously, people track huge amounts of snow and slush in down there when they come off the escalators from street level: why would you not put nonslip tile on that floor? It's deeply irresponsible. So they had it coming.) :)

...Anyway, it was really enjoyable having a chance to play around with what I imagined Earth's geopolitics to be doing under gameplay conditions, while also enacting a more than usually complex game scenario in prose. I don't know if or when I'll be doing that kind of work next, but writing the X-Com: UFO Defense novel definitely left a good taste in my mouth.

Thanks for asking!

(ETA: and here are those tiles. ...The cubical affair in front is an art installation: an illuminated "fountain". It was originally made of wires or strands of plastic cable, down which drops of glycerine, or something like it, slowly slid. But they seem to have swapped that out for water. And, oh look, there's video!)

[bloomingforerza]

Echos — levi x reader one-shot/lyric-shot.

notes from bloom: hi!!!! its been quite some time since i’ve written a one shot. no smut in this one!!! just jerk cheater ex boyfriend eren in a hurt/comfort levi x reader. this song is one of my all time favorite songs (my goal is to write a song fic for my 3 all time favorite songs). i originally wrote a (much shorter and cringier) one-shot back in 2015 to this song but i loved it so much i felt like i should rewrite it. pLEASE give me feedback? its always welcome :) i’m gonna link the song below in case you’d like to listen. happy reading!!!!

word count: 4,791

character count (excluding spaces): 20,600

masterlist

my mind’s at erase

and my thoughts are done

i’ve been meaning to tell you this

since my lies begun

Things were taking a turn for the worse in your life these days. You’d just gotten out of a relationship with your long-term boyfriend, Eren. He hadn’t always been this way. Things started getting bad after you found out from your best friend, Hanji, that he was cheating on you.

You had been together since high-school, everyone knew you two because you were always attached at the hip. You were voted most likely to get married in superlatives, and you were at every football game he had. 6 years isn’t something you can just throw away the way he did.

He used to be sweet. He would invite your friends out with you guys on occasion, and he’d dote on you at all times. You remember first words to him after Hanji told you were, “How could you Eren? After all this time?” You remember the sharp piercing feeling in your chest, tears running down your cheeks, and he had the nerve to start an argument with you. Gaslight, tell you Hanji’s lying, tell you it’s your fault, how you weren’t satisfying him enough. But when you’d tried to leave, he’d tried to forbid it. “You can’t leave, (Y/n), please, I won’t let you, I won’t do it again.”

Even past dating, you’ve known Eren since middle school. But he needed to go, and you were not even ready to think about forgiveness. You didn’t think if you’d ever forgive him.

Hanji on the other hand, Hanji kept telling you you cannot forgive him. You have no reason to forgive him. But you just couldn’t help yourself for wanting to.

the way i feel inside

reflects of the souls in your eyes

i’ve been meaning to tell you this

all my life

You’d taken some time off work, told your boss you had a family emergency. Hanji, being the angel that she is, came to comfort you. You were not ready to go into work yet, you didn’t know how to handle yourself right now.

She mentioned introducing you to a coworker of hers who’d been going through a similar experience. She said talking to him might help you find closure within yourself. She set up an afternoon for both of you to meet up with him this weekend at a coffee shop you used to love.

That was the problem. You lost yourself in Eren. The hardest part about coping is that everything you like reminds you of him, and you can’t remember what you liked before him. Sometimes you remember, times like this. You associate that coffee shop with good friends and good memories. He never liked this coffee shop, he said their coffee tasted like tap water and mud. Ever since you’d moved out with him, you had stopped going.

Maybe meeting with this ‘Levi’ would be a good thing for you.

But you still had other short comings to manage, like the fact that you couldn’t refuse Eren when he asked you to let him get his stuff the Friday after. Your gut knew he’d try to convince you to take him back. But you needed answers before you could even consider it an option.

Friday morning comes, and you ask Hanji to hold off coming over for a few hours. You wanted to let Eren share his thoughts, but you didn’t want to say a word to him. So the moment he arrived, everything was awkward and silent and dreadful. You sat in the kitchen after letting him in, just letting him collect his things in peace.

But you knew it in the back of your mind, the thought ‘he’s going to try to convince you to let him back in’ screaming in the back of your mind. And you still gave him the benefit of the doubt, with hope in your heart, that he wouldn’t try to lie or manipulate his way out of it this time.

But boy was your mind right, and that fact did not aid your heart as it shattered once more. “I promise, Mikasa didn’t mean anything to me Y/n. Just listen.” he cried when you were telling him to leave after he’d packed everything.

“No. I won’t listen. How long have you been seeing Mikasa, Eren?” Your response is cold, dripping venom. You were doing everything to keep your guard up.

“I can’t tell you.” He began to cry again, not knowing how to win you back. It killed him, and it hurt you to see him crying at your feet like this.

“Yes, you can. How long have you been seeing Mikasa?” You ask again, and he grips his hair and looks at the floor, not being able to meet your gaze when he whispers out, “3 years.”

“THREE YEARS?” You’re yelling. You never yell, but why are you yelling? Why are you letting him see how hard this hurts you?

“(Y/n), I—“ He’s sobbing, but just as he’s about to try and spew out more ridiculous shit, Hanji’s car pulls up to your apartment. You can see the hurt and emotions you’re displaying reflecting off of his beautiful green eyes, and it makes it so much harder for you to send him away.

“I’ve heard enough, you need to leave. Hanji’s about to come inside and she’s going to murder you if you’re here.” You don’t even look at him, giving him the warning that you would let Hanji beat him up.

Eren grabs the rest of his bags and walks out as Hanji’s getting out of her car. The death glare you watch her give him is insane. It was 2:01, and to be fair, you told Hanji it should only take him an hour and a half. For everything that Hanji is and everything that she lacks, at least she’s here when you need her to be here.

You’re sobbing when she finally walks in, the composure you held breaking as he left. You couldn’t fight it anymore, and Hanji ran over to you instantly to let you know how much she loves you and how proud of you she is. The way that you carried yourself and held your self respect showed strength.

to think of who i am

shows much of what you were too

slowly i realize

i’ll be fine without you

Hanji took you out the day after for that for coffee with her coworker. She was good friends with this person, but she didn’t tell you much about them. She did however tell you to ‘not dress homeless’ and to dress ‘how you would on a good day.’ If that was meant to be a compliment, it feels more like a ridiculous insult to your already sensitive heart.

She was very excited, for reasons unbeknownst to you. She was doing a poor job at hiding her giddiness as well, twitching and smiling to herself. Looking back on it now you can understand why, but back then it seemed like she was just being her normal, weird-self.

When you walk in, there’s a nice jazzy coffeehouse vibe. The smell of grinding arabica coffee beans and dripping espresso slaps you in the face, but Hanji’s instantly darting over to her friend. A man, Hanji failed to mention, but he was pretty. It was a thought you had to shove out of your mind.

He had long, soft black hair with an undercut below. His jaw was well cut, and his face seemed almost fixed into a frown. He had a nice earring in one ear, and some tattoos here and there. He was dressed nicely in some casual jeans and a t-shirt. “This is Levi,” She introduces. You glance at Hanji after trying to not make it obvious you were inspecting him, but she had her arm locked over his shoulders. Hanji was pretty tall, but you were always on the short side, but Levi was short too.

You wanted to trust Hanji’s intuition though, and just sat across from him. Hanji finished bothering the unnamed man, and sat beside you. After ordering some drinksb to the table, you couldn’t help but feel awkward as Levi and Hanji began to talk about work related stuff.

You wanted to trust Hanji, you really did, but you couldn’t understand what she wanted out of this. You instead opt to wait for your coffee quietly. Unfortunately the plan isn’t ever gonna go the way you want it if Hanji is around.

And she started to tell Levi about your job, which Levi seemed really interested in and asked you all kinds of questions. He was fascinated about some things, and genuinely seemed like he wanted to hear more from you. You quickly bonded over similar interests like tea and fine art, but you’ve learned that he just appreciates art rather than enjoys making it himself.

After you three finished your drinks, you talked for another three hours before you all left. Hanji put you and Levi into a group chat before he left, making him aware she was going to be pestering the both of you often. Levi and Hanji started working together around the same time, also around the same time you started college and met Hanji.

Hanji was a teacher’s assistant and a junior in your chemistry class freshman year, and she helped you a lot with coming out of your shell after entering college.

But when you’re remembering that, you can’t help yourself but remember that Eren and you had just started living in an apartment together as well. And now its been 4 years since then, and you still can’t find closure or comfort in your thoughts. Where did everything go wrong for the two of you? It will take so much time to heal, but you know that you’ll get there on your own eventually.

i gave you your chances

and just put them aside

to find out too late

of who i am inside

Regretful isn’t a good word to describe how you’re feeling. You loved Eren so much, but when you realize how much time and effort you put into your relationship with him just to be cheated on for half of it makes you feel so disconnected with yourself. You’re remorseful, and you feel like you’ve betrayed yourself at the end of the day.

You’ll never forget the night last year that he didn’t show up for a date he had planned for you after class. He said it’d be a surprise, and he told you to wait outside of your campus. He was going to come pick you up. But 5 minutes of waiting had eventually turned into an hour and five minutes of waiting, and you eventually went home. Eren wasn’t even at the apartment.

His excuse was that he got held up at school because he had been assigned some group project and his partners made him stay to help start it. Of course you believed him. However, when memories like this come to mind, all you can think about now was, ‘Was he seeing Mikasa?’

Not trying to let thoughts like this bring your progress to a halt, you ask Hanji to arrange another hangout with Levi. He was really nice, and you appreciated his company the first time around. Of course she over-excitedly screamed out an, “OF COURSE I CAN MAKE PLANS FOR US AGAIN!” Before immediately grabbing her phone and texting him.

You really were so thankful to have someone like Hanji here beside you to help you through this, but sometimes you felt like you were losing yourself. You couldn’t remember what you enjoyed before Eren, so how were you going to find yourself again?

And when she asked if there was anything you wanted to do before she just picked something, you felt so ashamed of yourself for not knowing what to say. What did you enjoy doing? It felt like every answer to that question had always been associated with Eren. “Fuck you, Eren.” You mumbled to yourself.

“Where did that come from?” Hanji laughs. “Not that I disagree, but we can’t exactly pick that for a hangout activity.” She giggles, You give her a raised brow, but you smile at her idiocy none the less. Eventually, given that it’s apple picking season, she suggests the three of you go apple picking. You have no objections, and you tell her to not force Levi into it if he’s not up for the idea. Of course though, in true Hanji fashion, her response is, “Levi never has choices when it comes to me.” with her classic devilish grin.

show me yourself, come show me who you are

these are the times we wish it never went this far

hidden by your words, oh god please let me see

how someone plays with feelings oh so carelessly

You’ve only been apple picking once and it was with Eren. The saddest after thought, it was 4 years ago. In your head, that meant he’d given up after he started seeing Mikasa in secret.

But you can’t think about that. You asked Hanji for this, you wanted to have a good day. But your intrusive thoughts weren’t being nice today in particular, and you knew at some point you were probably going to spiral out.

Once you arrived at the orchard, your stomach felt uneasy. You didn’t know what was making you feel this way. Hanji had sensed that you were off, so she kept trying to redirect your mind without asking you if you were ‘okay.’ She knew what the answer to that would be.

As you’re walking up to meet Levi with Hanji, you feel like things might just be okay. You continue on with your day, the three of you walked around and you got to know Levi a bit better. He was really nice to you, even though he spoke so harshly to Hanji. It made you laugh when he’d immediately change his tone after speaking with you.

But all good things always seem to have to come to an end for you. After picking the apples, Hanji really wanted an apple cider donut. She dragged you and Levi into the small shop the orchard had on the property, trailing behind the two. But the minute you stepped inside, you saw him. Eren, standing in line at the counter with Mikasa. He had his arm around her waist while she ordered what she wanted.

The sight had your stomach dropping entirely. You finally understood where all the anxiety was coming from. Your gut knew he was here. You looked at Hanji immediately, who hadn’t noticed the pair, and slightly motioned your head in Eren’s direction. Right after, you look over at Eren once more, but this time your eyes lock with his. You turn around and run out, not having any strength left to put up with him.

You stand outside, and from the other side of the door you can hear the voices of Levi and Hanji arguing with Eren.

You eventually just walk away. You walk back towards the apple trees, wanting some peace of mind. Only two minutes later, you could hear someone running up behind you, and you turned to see Levi. He had ran outside to look for you.

“Hey.” He said casually when he stood beside you. “Hanji’s still arguing with him, she can go at it all day.” He informs you, to which you smile a bit. Hanji was a great friend, and you knew she’d drag Eren to Hell with her if she had the opportunity to.

“Why’d you come out here?” You ask curiously, not looking at him after you said it. You didn’t want him to think you he wasn’t wanted there, but you also were still unsure of his reasons.

“To check on my friend.” He glances at you out of the side of his eye while the two of you walk through the orchard together. “I want you to know (Y/n), you aren’t alone in this. For starters, your weird friend is inside ready to square up with your shithead ex-boyfriend.” You laugh loudly at his statement, and you catch him smiling a little at you through your peripheral vision. “There’s also me, who wants to in any way I can. I was in your position a few weeks ago.”

You and Levi hadn’t had the chance to talk one on one yet, but the conversation lasted for so long you had almost forgotten about Hanji. But to little surprise, as you two had turned to walk back to the shop, there she was trying to stealthily hide behind an apple tree.

“Hey four eyes, I wouldn’t exactly call that a hiding spot.” Levi calls.

“No one said I was trying to hide Levi.” She lightly punches his arm, and you smile.

Although you had a minor (alright, personally huge) bump in the road, these two really came through for you today.

give me your heart to come and be in one

vulnerable i was, please come and steal and run

just as we laughed, kissed,i looked deep in your eyes

to tell you how i felt, came one without reply

A few months later, you and Levi had started dating. The trauma and trust issues you have now make things really hard for you sometimes, but Levi is always ever so patient with you.

When he said I love you for the first time almost a year in, you almost had a panic attack. When you told Eren you loved him, he didn’t answer you right away. He told you he couldn’t say it back yet. The saddest part was you can’t remember if there was a time he ever said it back.

You didn’t understand the feeling of someone loving you. Eren neglected you so horribly in your relationship, and Levi tries to give you all of the attention you need to make up for it. All of the kisses that you’d missed, all the snuggles that had you shaking from being touch starved, all of the dates you’d never been on until Levi.

Levi makes everything better. He made you feel so secure and so safe, like you were the most precious person on the Earth. He needed to show you how worthy you were, because he knew exactly how unworthy you felt. He told you that helping you helps him find his worth, relieves him of his traumas from Petra.

He shared with you one day that as a result of Petra’s cheating, he felt like he wasn’t keeping her safe enough, wasn’t making her feel loved enough. Even if it wasn’t the case, he needs you to feel loved enough, especially knowing you were lacking so much of it for almost 6 years.

But after some more months of working together, you’ve grown to see 18 months as a couple. When you hit milestones like this, you always love to take time for you and Levi to self reflect. If Hanji hadn’t introduced you to Levi when she did, you’d have no idea where you’d be in this moment.

Just because you hadn’t met him wouldn’t have changed the fact Eren still cheated on you. You don’t think you’ll ever be able to change the dull ache you feel when you think of your childhood with him, but there’s no grief left for the love you had. But years of birthday’s, christmas’, thanksgiving’s and even valentine’s day memories can’t just be erased so quickly.

But time works in funny ways.

And after 4 years, Levi decided you had to be his forever. He wanted you to know how much you meant to him, and he knew you felt the same as he did.

You still thought of Eren at times, but there were still no regrets. Even years after, you wish him the best. But you can’t imagine marrying anyone other than Levi. Levi’s been the main source of your happiness.

He drags you out one night to a small lake in a park. The lake was kind of hidden, trees surrounding it and only one open crawl space. There were fireflies illuminating over the pond, and you could hear the chorus of cicadas echoing through the warm, humid air around you.

He’s helped you through most of it. The nights he held you because you couldn’t stop your intrusive thoughts, when you’d cry to yourself sometimes after saying a certain word or phrase, how you couldn’t bring yourself to watch your favorite television shows anymore. “Were they ever my favorites, or were they Eren’s favorites?” You’d ask yourself, questioning everything and bringing yourself to the point of an existential crisis. But Levi would always find a way to ground you.

Even on the other end, there would be times Levi would seem withdrawn and distant from his own intrusive thoughts. You knew he didn’t want any bullshit comforting words, so your go to form of care was to make him his favorite tea. When you first slept over his apartment after a few months into dating him, he’d tried to hide his silent cries from you. You turned over and held him though, and you’d promised yourself right then and there that you would always be there to hold him.

echoes is all i hear

i’m running, i’m running, i’m running

let go is all i fear

i’m running, i’m running, i’m running

After almost three solid years of dating Levi, it had almost felt like a whisper in the back if your mind. But you would never forget, and unfortunately Levi had the same trauma. But he took extra good care of you on your three year anniversary together.

In fact, Hanji had dragged you to the park that afternoon. “What’s wrong with taking a walk with your best friend?” She argued with you, and you couldn’t help rolling your eyes at her.

“Hanji, how many years have we been friends and when have you ever dragged me to the park for a WALK?” Your eyebrow is raised and the tone you use sounds almost motherly. “Are you a dog?” You add some banter, and the side eye you received had you cackling.

“No, you idiot, I’m not a dog. I needed some fresh air is all.” She’s looking around almost suspiciously as she says this though, and you just know something’s up. “Hey, there’s this new art display at the pier over here, we should pop by and see it.” She suggests, and you nod slowly. What is she up to?

“Yeaaaaahhhh, sure.” You’re reluctant, but follow anyway. You honestly had no idea what Hanji was doing right now, she’s not the type to go for random walks.

But as you walk closer to the pier, you could see lights in the distance. Not flashy ones, but it seemed pretty bright over there. You grew excited to see whatever silly art display she was talking about, but you weren’t going to tell her that.

“We’re almost there, you have to close your eyes!” She yells, and you release a groan.

“Hanji, how am I going to walk? Why am I closing my eyes for an art display?” You do so nonetheless, and she grabs your shoulders.

“I got’chya. Come on!” She’s guiding you the rest of the way while you cover your eyes. After walking a few more feet, she gives you the cue to open. But what you saw nearly brought you to tears.

This wasn’t just an art display. There was an arch, fairy lights glowing different shades of white, while they had wisteria to accentuate them. Beautiful white orchids and daisies to accent long strands of ivy. Near the center of the arch was Levi waiting, looking out at the ocean. He was as handsome as he always was, but he dressed himself in a nice white button down with some black jeans tonight. The sight of all of it made your eyes swell up.

And that was how he proposed. Hanji hid your friend Sasha in the bushes, wanting her to get amazing photos of it all. And when you look back at them now with him years later, you can’t help but almost feel like you’ve fallen in love all over again. Not like you could ever grow tired of him of course.

He took extra care to make sure that you understood how loved and important he was to you. After 3 years of being married, he had told you that he’d chosen to propose after your three year anniversary so you would never have a doubt about his faith or loyalty to you. He loved you so much, he knew you were going to be the one he needed for the rest of his life. He’d remind himself of that every time you came through for him.

The thought that Levi had put into your relationship with him was so meaningful to you. Sometimes you’d laugh over the way he’s speak to you and the way he’d speak to anyone else. You feel like Hanji gets the worst of it, but you know she can be much at times.

You were so thankful for the both of them. Hanji was already your maid of honor before you’d even decided anything else. She wasn’t just the reason you and Levi met, but she was also the bestest friend you’d truly ever had.

let go, i can’t let go

Sometimes, Eren creeps back into your mind. After so many years, sometimes it feel like you still have a hole in your heart. The childhood you’d spent with him, all the way up to school where you’d been in the same class every year. Prom, two graduations, moving out, college, all of it.

But then you’d remember how full your heart was when you’d found out you were pregnant. Pregnant with Levi’s baby.

You loved Levi so much. He made you feel safe, loved and protected. You may never fully heal from Eren, it feels like your childhood blanket was ripped out of your hands. But even so, the love you receive from your husband fills that grief up and scares away your demons. And in the end, it’s always going to be Levi.

Levi saved you when he’d met you, and he saves you every time you find yourself spiraling out about something that reminded you of Eren. But you always remember that Levi is good, it’s almost like he purposely tries to prove himself to you every day. Hanji says you deserve it after forgetting what real love felt like.

He never missed a beat when it came to holidays, birthdays, or special occasions. He loved to dress up with you, even if he’d complain about it the entire day. you knew he loved to match outfits with you because you eventually started to get his input on them as well. At weddings, he’d love to just hold you on the dance floor. He always shows up, even after you’d started your own family with him. He’s promised himself that he would always show up for your kids. Your oldest, your son Emile, was very much like you. Kind-hearted with tons of energy. He loved to play sports, especially soccer. Your daughter, Vydia, loved to figure skate. Levi showed up to every soccer match and every skate competition, he would always make time for his kids.

You’ll never be able to let go of Eren entirely, he’ll always take the title of first love. He took almost every first he could, and he holds a portion of your heart and remains in your memories. But Levi was the first person to pull you out. He helped make everything better, and then you fell in love with him. He was your first (and last!) fiancé and husband, which he took so much pride in. He was the first person to promise you forever, and a forever he gave.

Because the love you have for Levi, the way you feel, is much more important and serious than the childish fantasy Eren gave you. You’ve always verbally and physically told him how grateful you were, but you never felt like it was enough. And at the end of the day, every single night since you got married, you always just had to settle for;

“Thank you, Levi. I love you so much.”

so fall away is what i’ll do

it’s what i’ll do

it’s what i’ll do

it’s what i’ll do

it’s what i’ll do

it’s what i’ll do

[triumphantfury]

Hi!!! Just dropping by because I was missing your fics so I reread them and now I have to tell you how much I love you. I love you a lot, by the way. Like literally every time I read a chapter of yours I love you more because GAH the writing is so damn good. Ahem anyways thank you so much for the update on Wrapped in Red and I still have to fan myself every time I look at Upside, but I've been thinking the most about "To Suffer a Witch." I don't mean to put any pressure on you or anything but may I inquire on the next chapter's status? Or perhaps just request a snippet? Also when you asked the readers whether or not they'd like an eventual lemon I'd like to vote yes to the lemon. Please. Possibly-Demon Hiccup is hot as hell and I'm greedy. 😅

Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful writing with us and I hope you have a wonderful day, week, and at least a virtual cabin in the woods where you can relax, read, and at least think on writing!

Oh boy….

It’s taken me forever to get around to answering this ask, but as the new chapter update is almost complete (after way, WAY too many rewrites), I feel like I can finally post this reply with some measure of confidence. Sorry it’s taken so long. I wish I had a good excuse, but my brain sometimes just shuts me out.

Anyway, after much anticipation, and likely a little cursing, here’s an excerpt from the soon to be posted next chapter of TSaW:

*The next couple days seemed to drag by for Astrid. She felt trapped between a longing to see Hiccup again just to prove she wasn’t mad, and a strong urge to just write it all off as a delusion. Perhaps one brought on by some bad grain or curdled milk. Countless times she’d been sure she heard hoofbeats outside, only to have them grow into a roll of thunder the next second. Or she’d catch a glimpse of a dark shadow approaching on the road, only to have it melt from her sight a moment later as if swept away by the driving rain.

Some small part of her was starting to worry she was actually going mad. Her mood darkening as she channeled her other feelings into straight anger so as to help herself deal with it better. It wasn’t as if she could really speak of it to anyone, anyway. She was still too confused about it herself.

Resigned to bear this burden alone, Astrid had kept to herself as much as possible while trapped inside. Waiting impatiently for a break in the weather when she could distract herself with repairs outside instead. The Lord knows there was always plenty of work to keep her busy. That, and manual labour was better than wasting time dwelling on… Whatever it was that had occurred here the other night.

Fortunately - or maybe unfortunately - she’d soon discovered that the storm hadn’t done anywhere near as much damage as she’d expected given its ferocity. The house, shed, and barn had all weathered fair enough at least. An old tree had toppled near the back of the pasture though. She’d gone out to repair the section of broken fencing yesterday. Her brothers helping her as much as she would allow them to - which mostly meant keeping the opportunistic goats from escaping through the hole while she worked.

It had been while she was winding the last of the rope around the newly set post that Ruffnut had approached her from across the field. Somehow always keyed in to the local to-dos, Tuffnut had heard from one of their other neighbours that some people had started to fall ill in town. The worst of which was little Argh — Mr. and Mrs. Ack’s youngest son, who was not yet a full year into this world.

“Gunnar thinks it’s because of those witches that Trader Johan was talking about the other day,” Ruff stage-whispered over the fence. Her thumb gesturing towards the home on the far side of Mildew’s plot as she glanced around, as if to make sure no one else was within earshot.

“I’d be rather foolish to agree,” Astrid huffed. “It’s likely just been brought on by the rain. We all know that a chill in the air today sets a chill in the bones tomorrow.” Looking away from her gossipy neighbour, she dressed the knot as her father had taught her before pulling it good and tight. Then she stood and gave her work a proud once over. Nodding, as if to show her approval to the craftsman.

“Maybe…” Ruffnut’s hesitant reply trailed off thoughtfully, and she was chewing on her lip when Astrid at last looked her way again. It was almost as if she had something she wanted to say, but wasn’t sure if she should speak it aloud.

“Go on,” Astrid grumbled. “Whatever it is, spit it out.”

“Well, Gunnar told Tuff that Trader Johan said the evil, or what ever it is, would arrive first in the form of a black shadow on horse back…”

“Trader Johan has always enjoyed adding plenty of dramatic nonsense about ghosties, ghoulies, and other such things to his tales,” Astrid felt the need to point out. “He seems to think it makes the stories more exciting.”

“I know,” Ruff agreed. “Thing is, Tuffnut swears he saw a stranger dressed in all black when he was out in the woods yesterday. A stranger riding atop a huge black horse. When he tried to get a better look, man and horse were already gone. Maybe the horse was just really fast, but… Tuff said it gave him the creeps.” Her eyes were shifting all around again as she leaned closer over the fence, and she looked unexpectedly nervous.

“Oh, that was probably just…” Astrid’s words died on the way to her mouth as she thought better of it.

Astrid knew how Tuff felt. The unease of not being sure exactly what you had just born witness too. This did not mean that she should necessarily encourage him to repeat his tale. Especially when she didn’t yet know what to think of the whole thing.

Would it truly be wise to mention it to someone else? The twins had never been known for their discretion, and Astrid’s words would simply confirm Tuff’s suspicions — which he would then feel required to share with every person he came across. At best, it could cause a slight scandal that a young man had spent the night in their home. At worst, the superstitious townsfolk may think the Hofferson clan had entertained something entirely inhuman, instead.

No, it was best to keep what she knew of Hiccup Haddock to herself for now. Surely the others would learn of him soon enough. “Just… because Tuff was busy snacking on unknown mushrooms in the forest again.” Astrid finished awkwardly. Covering her near slip-up with an eye roll, just to be safe, and hoping Ruffnut wouldn’t notice.*

If anyone wants to read it, here’s a link to the rest of the story. Or at least the beginning…lol

[bbcphile]

For the fic writers ask meme: 17 and/or 37

Thanks for the asks, @the-surreptitious-albatross , and sorry it has taken me some time to respond!

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

I usually write the scenes in order, from start to finish. The closest I come to doing things out of order is that sometimes I will jump ahead and do a detailed outline of a later chapter if I think of ways I want it to be in conversation with an earlier one (eg. if there are interesting parallelism, or thematic commonalities), and often my outlines start with bullet points and then end up basically being very rough drafts, complete with pages of dialogue and the emotional beats or notes on where to add descriptions. And I guess with my current long MLC fic, I wrote a few drafts of the first few chapters, then did 15k of outlines/incredibly rough drafts for later chapters, and then the other day realized what was bugging me about how I had written the first chapter, so I went back and completely rewrote it. So I guess in that regard, I jump around, because I might go back and totally reconceive of a chapter based on something I want to do with character development later. (This is why I don’t post fics on AO3 until they’re done; I do a truly absurd amount of rewriting.)

37: Talk about your current wips.

I’m honored that you want to hear about it! I actually have 4 for Mysterious Lotus Casebook fics (3 with absurdly detailed outlines, but only one that I’m actively drafting), so for now, I’ll just talk about the one I’ve worked the most on. 

Post-canon (OT3) Beach fic:

tw/cw: suicide attempt, off-page non-consensual medical procedure

When Li Lianhua’s shiniang tried and failed to sacrifice herself to save Li Lianhua against his will, he fled to the Donghai beach, intending to die before she could catch up with him because he can’t endure the idea that someone else he cared about might die for him. Di Feisheng and Fang Duobing find him first and save his life for the moment, but are horrified to discover the truth that Li Lianhua can’t lie his way out of: that the damage from the survivor’s guilt of everything he’s been through is just as dangerous as the damage from Bicha poisoning. With each of them reeling from the traumas of the past year (Li Lianhua from Shan Gudao’s betrayal and now medical PTSD from his shiniang’s procedure, Fang Duobing from almost losing Li Lianhua and being terrified to let him out of his sight in case he goes straight back to the water, and Di Feisheng from the abuse at the hands of Jiao Liqiao), they have to figure out how to face everything they pushed aside to save the country, and in the process, learn that the hardest battles aren’t fought with swords.

To read an excerpt, follow this link: (x)

I was going to write up synopses for the others, but I’m out of energy (and don’t want to sit on this ask for another week or so to write them out), so I’ll just do quick teaser/keyword summaries for the others:

Missing Scene Fic: Di Feisheng’s first night in Lotus Tower (featuring him finding the Yinzhou armor being used as a potholder, his feelings on having his meridians and qi blocked, and helping LLH after a nightmare so it doesn’t wake up FDB and give away his identity.)

Pre-Canon: Yinzhou armor backstory, Sigu sect waterfall spars, and LXY/DFS first time; set the evening after Shan Gudao resigned from the Sigu Sect

5+1: FDB and DFS sharing the Lotus Tower guest bed (from FDB’s POV, covering the entire show + post canon)

[zeawesomebirdie]

hi !!!! did NOT consider you might like to have the ask again to answer it. if you do:

seeing you post about your old west au is motivating me to at least draft my stuff out for my fic, too!!! so, firstly: good god thank you. secondly, what kind of drafting process do you normally go through? you don't have to answer this but everyone i know is pretty particular about how they write so i'm always curious!!!

Gosh okay I'm still so embarrassed about accidentally posting this before it was ready!! Lesson learned: only work on long posts on desktop (very affectionate). I'm going to copy paste what I had originally said, but there will be added stuff because it wasn't anywhere near ready to go (if you thought it was long before, honey you ain't seen nothing yet!)

Also I still am so proud of you for working on your fic, we are writing buddies now hand in lovable hand I love you thank you for enabling my rambling <33

Buckle in, here we go!

SO! My drafting process is always a moving target. I do what works best for the work in question, and things change depending on my energy and fatigue levels plus my motivation and interest levels

So that said, right now my process usually looks like:

ramble at someone in DMs, copy and paste rambles into a google doc for safekeeping and marinating

zero draft, aka word vomit until a plot forms, block out actions and the occasional dialog, determine chapter and story arcs

first draft, aka Where The Real Writing Happens

optional second draft, but only if the fic is under 10k

line edits

post :)

find a bunch of typos that I somehow missed during line editing, fix those before anyone notices

I will be showing examples because this is a bit hard to explain and Extremely Intense to a lot of people, and yeah that's because it is! I approach writing fanfic the same way I approach writing original fiction, and I find it works best for me as a plotter

If you are metaphorically inclined and familiar with oil painting: I write the way an oil painter paints. First I block in the big shapes, the gestures, and the colours. Then I come back in subsequent drafts and increase the detail until I'm done!

Further information and actual examples of my drafts will be below the cut, because this is gonna be super long and I love talking shop ^.^

And general content warning for non-graphic violence and graphic smut (and shitty early drafts); the examples are from Bruce Wayne/Dick Grayson fics

So before we get into the zero draft, I want to point out two things: first, I do full rewrites. This is why writing takes me one million years. I retype each and every word in each and every draft. Second, I'm actually trying something new with the Old West!AU, for reasons I will explain in a moment!

I started doing full rewrites in 2019 after a college writing course, in which we read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott; she encourages the reader to embrace the shitty first draft. I ended up really benefiting from a zero draft too, something I first learned about in 2020 from someone on authortube who I no longer remember the name of. The zero draft is essentially a pre-draft, in which one gets the gist of the story out of their system before the prose clogs up the spigot

For me, zero drafts are something that need to be finished as fast as possible in order to get done at all, so due to the sheer length of the Old West!AU, I'm trying out writing little bullet points instead of my full zero drafting. Right now this fic is at 27 chapters, and this is part 1 of 3 total. I will be going back and filling in the actual blocking once I have all the scenes roughly accounted for

Context for the Old West!AU: Bruce is the Bat, a vigilante gunman who only kills when he needs to but still has the fastest draw on this side of the Mississippi. Now that he's taken care of the man who killed his parents, he's returned home to his Uncle Alfred and gone straight, meaning that he's hung up his guns and gone back to homesteading the family land. He adopts Dick and then a year later Jason as well, when small burglaries start happening in town, so he takes the Bat out of retirement and goes to investigate.

My bullet points started out like this:

Open on comparison between Bruce's first gun and the Bat's guns. Introduce Joe Chill, general drunkard. The Bat calls out Chill, shootout, Chill is killed. Chill drew first. Moment of reflection between Bruce's first gunfight at 15 to this one, at 21. Bruce goes home.

And that's the whole entire first chapter!

However, now they look more like:

The Sheriff runs up and shoots at him. The Bat has him disarmed with his own gun barrel to his throat in an instant. It doesn't take the Bat much time to get info out of him either. The burglar is only going after small change, not enough to be noticeable. That rules out the gambler, easily. The Sheriff can't do shit about it, because no one is willing to start an investigation for such small change. The Bat shoves the Sheriff to his knees and is gone before he notices. Alfred is waiting for him when he gets home, and asks. Bruce tries to deny it, but the clothes are in his hands and he can't. So he sighs and says he may have made a promise, but… there might be more to this than there seems, okay? He just… has a bad feeling about it. Alfred can't accept this, what about his sons? Bruce can't take this, and tells him he doesn't have to. Their yelling wakes up Dick and Jason, who stand in the doorway to their bedroom and look on with the door mostly closed.

Eventually both Alfred and Bruce yell each other out, and they sit down for coffee as dawn breaks. Bruce breaks the silence first, saying Alfred is right. Alfred tells him he understands. Bruce decides to let the Bat go for real now.

This is about half of the chapter, and closer to the blocking I normally do in zero drafts

So far this pre-zero draft seems to be working, given I've already finished part 1, but I also can't wait to come back and do the blocking in because that's when the fic really starts to take shape!

Usually though, I just start with a zero draft. I'm going to show you two different fics for the zero draft examples, because they were done differently, and like I said at the beginning, I try to adjust my process based on what is called for by what I'm writing

This first is from the fic I'm writing for @ful-crum. It's a 5+1, in which it is five times Dick fucks Bruce to distract him from discussing his emotions plus one time they actually discuss their emotions and then fuck about it.

Tim and Jason turn up an hour later, and they're incredibly concerned. Dick waves them off. Tim takes him at his word and heads to bed (he has a meeting with Wayne Tech at 8am tomorrow, ugh), but Jason sits down next to the bed and asks Dick what he thinks Bruce is going to say. Dick tells him he's not sure, I mean, it's B, y'know? Jason just nods, and they lapse into silence. Then Steph and Cass come in, and Bruce is most noticeably not present. Cass signs something about bed, and Steph tells Dick that she's worried about Bruce, to which Jason snorts and says they all are, but she insists that Dick talk to him. Dick doesn't even need to take more than a moment to decide that won't be happening. But Steph goes to bed, and it's nearly 04:00 when Jason heads up too, saying he'd love to help Dick lecture Bruce about staying out late but he's got stuff to do tomorrow. Dick asks if he wants to know what stuff, and Jason gives him a smirk and says ask him no questions and he'll tell him no lies. Dick can live with that.

As you can see, this is just general staging directions and vibes

This second example was supposed to be for BruDick Week 2024, but I accidentally got carried away and ended up deciding to write a longfic for it instead. The prompt was "brudick meet their AU!selves," so I did 66!brudick meets the Gotham Rogues Polycule, an AU in which Bruce, Dick, and Clark are in a very elaborate polycule with half of Gotham's villains.

Batman and Robin were on a normal mission in the middle of the day, on the trail of Catwoman, who's been stealing from the Gotham Museum of Art again. One moment they were walking into the museum, the next they were in a weird swirl of energy. Robin clings to Batman and asks what's going on, and Batman tells him steady Robin, we just have to stay calm and see what happens. The energy clears as someone calls out “incoming! Clear the floor!” and they find themselves in what is clearly the Cave, except it's even more high tech than anything they've ever seen. There's three people in suits like theirs standing in front of a massive screen, and Robin identifies the Riddler immediately, even if he doesn't recognise the other two. Before Batman can stop him, he charges the Riddler, who jumps behind the man in black and blue with a laugh. Batman does call out for him to stop, but he ignores him. The man in black and blue meets his every move, almost like he's fighting himself, and he calls out to the man in red and blue “a little help here, Supes?”

The biggest difference here is how drastically these fics changed from their zero draft to the first draft rendition, and that is entirely because of how fleshed out they ended up being (or not being, lol)

When I zero drafted the 5+1, it was with the intention of that specific part simply being a chapter, whereas my original zero draft of the 66! meeting the polycule! fic was actually intended to be a two shot at most. I unfortunately lost control of the plot during the first draft of that one, and it spiraled into a longfic, which will become more clear in a bit!

Basically though, the goal of the zero draft is to know who's where and why at all times! With longfics, there is often a restructuring that happens after the zero draft is written, where I move scenes and sometimes whole chapters to their best locations. This is where I make the most use out of a beta! Pacing is a big struggle for me and it is easier to fix at this stage, before I have all the prose and have become attached to what I've written

Next up is the first draft, and this is a whole new document. This is where I write The Actual Words. This is more or less the final version of the fic, for longfics, give or take a few paragraphs and a shit ton of line edits. Having said that though, I write in fits and bursts, because y'know disabled and stuff. So I write a paragraph or two at a time, and I am constantly adding and subtracting words and lines and sometimes whole paragraphs while I am actively working on a chapter

I'm going to show the first draft versions of both of the above fics, and due to the length these will be extremely excerpted but they should serve as examples regardless. Generally speaking, my zero drafts are about 1/3 of the length of my finished fics, however the 5+1 is currently proving to be an exception so that number may not be super accurate

First, the 5+1:

“You did take care of them, right?” Dick asked, groaning when Jason’s mouth thinned as he looked away. “Is Steph at least still with him?” “Last I heard, they were—” Jason started, cutting himself off when the Cave’s alarm signaled the arrival of newcomers. A moment later, two muddy bikes roared into the garage, leaving dark tracks behind them as they parked haphazardly together on the far side of the garage. With the return of Black Bat and Spoiler, the only empty place on the garage floor now belonged to Batman himself. Dick tried to catch Jason’s eyes as they waited in the med bay for Cass and Steph to strip off their suits and join them, but Jason turned away from him, though he didn’t rise from the bed. Something must have gone down after he’d fallen unconscious, Dick was sure of it. Why else would Bruce have sent everyone else home early on a patrol night? He could already see it in his mind’s eye, Batman doing God-knew-what out in Gotham alone, Bruce coming home with a busted lip that Dick would have to personally clean up before they went to bed, how that lip would scab over and feel under his tongue when he kissed Bruce the next morning after waking up in their bed—Bruce’s bed—on accident. How that scab would stretch when the ghost of a smile caught Bruce by surprise after one of Dick’s terrible puns. “You okay?” Steph called across the Cave as she and Cass walked toward the med bay. “Never been better,” Dick replied, trying not to be put out at Jason’s eye roll. He put up a hand for Cass to inspect when she came up to his bedside, and after she had nodded her satisfaction of his health he smiled. “I’ll be right as rain in no time.”

And the 66! meets polycule! fic:

“You!” Robin shouted, not waiting for Batman to back him up as he charged toward the Riddler. Riddler didn't move—in fact, none of the three moved—then Robin was on him, punching his face hard enough to hear a distinct crack. That startled all three into action, Riddler swearing up a storm before throwing himself behind the blue masked man, who blocked Robin's next hits without hesitation. “Robin!” Batman called from somewhere behind him, but Robin ignored him, focusing his energy on striking past the masked man's defenses to get at Riddler. “I know you're behind this, you– you scum!” Robin snarled in Riddler's direction, placing a perfectly timed jab toward the masked man's left cheek and then feinting to the right. But the man met him easily, as though they were merely sparring. “I'm not who you think I am!” Riddler exclaimed, his hands cupping his face but doing little to staunch the blood streaming from his nose. “Let's slow down for a minute, okay?” the masked man said, his voice maddeningly level as if Robin wasn't trying every trick he knew to get past him. “We can explain.” “Yeah kid, there's a good explanation here, we promise,” Riddler added. Robin growled and spun around the  masked man's reach only to find him once again directly blocking him from Riddler. How in the dickens did he know exactly where Robin was going to strike before Robin himself knew? And why on earth was he protecting the Riddler? “Supes, we could use a hand here,” the masked man said, still obnoxiously calm, once again blocking Robin's fist and this time circling his hand around Robin's wrist to twist his arm behind his back. In a blink, Robin was lifted into the air by his collar, the blue and red suited man holding him at arm's length. Robin continued to struggle for a moment, but finally Batman came into view, frowning up at him. Seeing Batman's disapproval took every bit of wind from Robin's sails, and he deflated instantly. If Batman didn't think he needed to fight, then he probably didn't need to.

So as you can see, I just kinda fill in the details with each draft!

Which is where we come to the optional second draft. I try, I really do try, to do a full second draft of everything I write. I always am glad to have done one, once it's done. The problem is, I really do have very limited energy, and anything longer than a chapter or two just doesn't get finished if I try to give it a full second draft. I've instead been doing really vigorous line edits, which I don't have an examples of because those are done in the same document as the first draft!

Now, you're probably wondering why on earth I gave a smut content warning at the beginning of this post. WELL.

I am calling myself out as a newbie when it comes to the art of smut writing. My 5+1 fic, the one where literally every single part has extremely explicit smut, has the following in the zero draft:

Yes, that is not one, not two, but three "cue smuts." Clearly I was new at this (affectionate)

Shout out to past!me for this in the last part though, because at least it actually has some semblance of blocking even if it is still extremely lacking:

The kissing escalates (as it often does) to smut over the desk (though Dick does try to move the documents out of the way, even if Bruce is growling at him to leave it alone; he doesn't want to be the reason Tim has another caffeine-induced breakdown).

I didn't figure this out until I was actually writing this fic, but it turns out I not only need to block in regular action scenes, I also need to block in the smut, because otherwise I will be sitting there having no fucking clue what to write (very affectionate)

So I now present what a zero draft of smut looks like! This is from a 5+1 in which there are five times Bruce and Dick fuck because of Poison Ivy's sex pollen and it "doesn't mean anything," plus one time they fuck because they actually want to:

Dick asks if they can take off their suits, it's too hot he's too hot, and Bruce says okay, that's a good idea, and internally he's panicking because oh no. Oh no. But the moment the words are out he sees the relief in Dick's face, and realises Dick needs to be told what to do right now, so he tells him clearly to strip, it'll help. Once Dick is fully naked in the other seat, he turns to Bruce and asks if he needs help with his armor. His hand is tentatively, almost shyly stroking his cock, and Bruce is really struggling to not watch. He tells him no, he doesn't, and takes off the chest plate and arm armor, but leaves what's left of his leg armor on. He decides he can safely put his hand under his boxers, but Dick makes a little noise, and when he looks over he can clearly see Dick watching him stroke himself. Oh fuck. He's cumming before he even realises it, his boxers getting wet and sticky and his cock still so maddeningly hard and he strokes himself through it, unable to stop himself from moaning even as he tries to keep himself in a clinical mindset. Dick asks to see him, and Bruce, despite knowing what a bad, horrible idea this is, pulls down his boxers to reveal his cock. Dick shifts his hand on his own cock to mimic what Bruce is doing, and Bruce has the horrible realisation that he doesn't even really know how to jerk himself off. Dear God, hopefully Alfred stays the fuck out of the Cave tonight.

So it's really just more of the same general blocking directions and vibes!

Another thing of note for zero drafts, I try to use as few words as possible to get what I need across. These are only ever intended to be seen by myself and a beta, assuming anyone else besides me even sees them at all, so I use slang and shorthand and leave notes for myself in the text itself

This can be a bit weird for when I show it to betas (or anyone else, for that matter!) because there are some fics where the tone or the vocabulary in the zero is incredibly modern despite the fic being in a historical or pre-modern setting!

And I have yet to actually write the first draft of that one, so I'm going to give you the first draft of the "Cue more smut (but this time against the batmobile 😌)" scene so that you can see the difference between the blocking and an Actual Scene:

Bruce had turned his back to him, bracing himself against the batmobile, and Dick took hold of Bruce's hip to hold him steady when he slid a finger into his hole. A soft moan was all he got in verbal response, but Bruce pushed against Dick's finger despite Dick's best efforts to do this slowly. Chuckling under his breath, Dick slid in a second finger, relishing in the clench of Bruce's muscle as he began working him open. “Easy, B,” he said softly, leaning over him enough to move his hand from Bruce's hip to his cock. Bruce growled and arched into his touch, taking in Dick's fingers completely. “Someone's in a rush tonight, huh?” He didn't get a verbal response, not that he ever did. Bruce rarely spoke while full, relying instead on nonverbal communication to indicate his needs. It hadn't taken long for Dick to become acquainted with his movements back when they started this; after all, fucking was no different from fighting, not for them, not when they had flown side by side across Gotham for more than half of Dick's life. And Dick knew Bruce would always try to get him to rush just a little, knew he'd give in like he always did, wanting to have his cock inside Bruce as soon as physically possible just as much as Bruce did. He wasted no more time, sliding his fingers out and releasing Bruce's cock just long enough to slick up his own. The small whine from Bruce at the loss of contact ought to be ignored, ought not be acknowledged, and Dick knew that, but he couldn't resist leaning over to kiss the small of Bruce's back. Bruce huffed at him, glaring over his shoulder. Dick met his eyes with a grin. Then Dick gripped Bruce's hip again, holding him steady while Bruce leaned back to meet him, and slipped into his tight heat. There was a soft moan from Bruce the moment he bottomed out; Dick leaned forward again to kiss up his spine, keeping his cock buried deep even while Bruce began to rock back into him.

I do think the fic for @ful-crum would be easier if I had proper blocking for the smut, but also I do love a good challenge and you live and you learn, so I'm not super invested in going back and blocking in the smut at this point in time!

And honestly, once the line edits are done that's pretty much it!

I keep a little "posting info" doc for each and every fic I write, to which I add tags as I come to them in writing, so that I don't have to think about what needs to be tagged at the end after I've already forgotten what I've written. That has saved my butt so many times ngl, especially for longfics!

But really what keeps me from posting more often, despite how much I write, is that I fully finish fics before I post them, even if I'm posting them on a weekly or whatever basis. This is mostly because I can't guarantee when I'll need to randomly take several months off of writing, and I don't want to leave anything unfinished, but also because I don't want to actually end up leaving something unfinished for a few years until I cycle back into the fandom

And that's it!! Thanks for tuning in to this little master class :) If I can clarify anything please let me know; I tried to explain everything that I thought needed it but I can never tell what others will need more clarification on!!

And also, thanks again for asking this!! I don't know many people who do full drafts, or even many people who don't completely pants everything they write, and so I'm always excited to discuss my process!! I also am a firm believer in "take what helps and leave the rest," so if you find something in my process that sounds like something you'd like to do, give it a whirl!! I think it's super important to share the different kinds of processes there can be for writing, because everyone really writes so differently, you know?

Anyway, thanks for stopping by and I hope you enjoyed my shitty early drafts (very affectionate)!!

[thetrashbagswasteland]

12, 27 and 29?

12. How many WIPs do you have in your docs for next year? Surprisingly few! I've got A Little Too Late, which I'm hoping to start in the new year, aside from finishing Follow My Lead/Beyond Familiar Stars, there's the rest of the Sunseeker rewrites and then hopefully starting Good Men Don't Go To War, plus some miscellaneous oneshots. Going to try to take things a little bit easier next year (they say, which is likely tempting fate) 27. What do you listen to while writing? I have a selection of playlists full of songs, depending on pairing and tone, plus my liked songs tab for general/mixed work - all of them on spotify. 29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? It's probably just because it's one of the newest bits but this scene from A Cold And Unfamiliar Home gets me bad, mild spoilers ahead/CW for character death so putting it under the cut

For long enough that it became heavy, thick and oppressive, the three of them remained in silence after she and Sara had taken seats by the bedside. He hadn’t said outright that he wanted company but somehow Vetra suspected that if he hadn’t, they’d have heard that by now instead. And… for the lack of anything else to concentrate on, she found herself focusing on the sleeping man’s breathing. Shallow and slow. Too slow.  A glance up at the heart rate monitor confirmed it and- as she looked back down again, yellow eyes met hers. Resigned. Accepting. “It’s been getting slower and slower.” He remarked, so casually that she knew he just couldn’t bear what remaining silent forced him to listen to. “I… don’t think he’s aware what’s going on anymore.” That forced him to clench his jaws shut, mandibles wavering in the moment it took to force his emotions back under control, and he concentrated instead on tracing his thumb up and down the vertical line of his narrow tattoos. “Or he’s just where he feels safest.” Sara offered gently. A more palatable explanation, no matter what the truth was.  “I hope so.” He whispered, so quiet it’d have been easy to miss.  The next inhale took an eternity to come.  His thumb slid under one mandible instead, allowing him to cup his jaw and tilt his head to the side as he dropped his own until their foreheads were pressed together. “I really hope so.” The next didn’t come.

[amberjazmyn]

i think you broke my heart again

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - i think you broke my heart again

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 -  ever since the winchesters and castiel watched you die at the hands of a white-eyed demon, they have all been broken-hearted. the song "you broke my heart again" by teqoki and aiko tells the story via flashbacks in italics and the present time moments in the normal font. 

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - this is the third time i'm writing this but since i've started to slowly rewrite my supernatural one-shots, i've decided to rewrite this one. and it made sense after i did a version for the walking dead so, it makes sense to make one for supernatural. 

masterlist listen to "i think you broke my heart again" right here!

- - -

sam's pov | makenna's death

"i think you broke my heart again, please don't leave and take my hand" 

i could only scream, falling to my knees as i watched my girlfriend makenna get killed in cold blood by a white-eyed demon that we had been trying to kill for several days. then finally, makenna apprehends her and now, she's gone. the worst thing being, the white-eyed demon, used to be makenna's best friend, a lovely and sweet girl called callie. makenna and callie had been friends since as long as i had known makenna. but, now, seeing callie possessed by a white-eyed demon was devastating because it meant i had to now kill her so makenna was the last person she could kill. i watched as makenna's white crop top started to turn a deep crimson red as tears started to stream down my chees as i tried to catch my breath. i also just watched as makenna just collapsed to the floor, like she was a deer getting shot, except she had been stabbed by a thrown javellin. 

"...makenna, no!" tears flooded my cheeks, they were uncontrollable just like my breathing as i began to hyperventilate 

my brother dean and our good friend and companion, castiel rush over to get to makenna as quickly as possible but, it felt like it was too late to do anything to save her. charlie, one of the wayward sisters runs over to me, dropping to her own knees and pulls me back as i try to move. 

"ssh, sam, stop!" charlie spoke, holding me back with a sense of comfort 

"no, char...charlie...please don't do this! she's going to be okay, right....right?" i turn to look at charlie, just hoping she too had the same belief that makenna was going to be okay

"i...i don't know sam...i...i really don't know this time..." charlie trailed off as this wasn't the first time that makenna had been stabbed by her old friend white-eyed demon callie

two years ago | bobby's pov

the group and i had been looking for weeks on end trying to find makenna, one of the wayward sisters and sam's girlfriend. apparently, according to multiple accounts from sam and dean, they had both seen what looked to be makenna's best friend, callie, dragging her into a car before driving away. 

"...sam, i seriously don't think we're going to find her. it's been weeks since you and dean saw her get taken--" 

"--wait, bobby, ssh, what's that over there?" sam calls out, interrupting me as i squinted and noticed a person-sized lump on the floor as my eyes widened in shock 

alright, alright, alright, sure, my adoptive son was in love with this girl and i saw her as a daughter and hadn't seen her in weeks. but, that doesn't mean i could ever forget the pure white lettuce-hemmed crop top and light-washed pair of blue jeans that she wore basically every single day. we had definitely found makenna but, is she alive, did she get shot, stabbed, possessed? what happened to her? 

"it's her, it's makenna! c'mon bobby, we need to get her before it's too late!" sam calls out again as he finally notices who it was as well as i only nod my head in agreement

"sam, i know it'll be difficult but try to stay calm, for all we know, makenna could already be dead. and that's just by the way she's slumped to the ground, she cannot be comfortable if she is conscious still, so just be cautious, alright?" i told sam carefully as he nodded his head, knowing full well it was just to protect him so he was aware of the potential distressing images he could face if makenna was actually seriously injured or worse, dead

"okay." sam responded plainly as we started our trek to where poor little makenna was slumped on the ground to see if we could try and save her

finally after what felt like a weeks worth of walking, we get to the house where makenna was just laying in front of, looking lifeless with blood completely covering her. to be honest, i just wanted to sprint and yell out at makenna but, i knew i couldn't do that. i couldn't even let sam do that even though i knew he wanted to do it just as bad as i did. however, i grabbed his arm and pulled him back, staying as calm as i possibly could as we quietly and strategically walked over to makenna. 

"...makenna, you okay darling? can you wake up for me?" i spoke softly as i saw that makenna was breathing, she was alive but unresponsive meaning her injury or whatever caused her to be knocked out just happened recently 

she groans as my eyes light up with hope and so does sam's as makenna slowly starts to recuperate and come to. she sits up, revealing her bloodied chest which shocks me and sam right to our cores. i smiled softly, dropping to my knees and careful whilst grabbing the weakened makenna across my lap. i pressurised her bleeding then as well as sam makes sure that whoever did this to her wasn't anywhere around us. 

"makenna, baby girl, who did this to you? do you remember?" i ask softly as i place my hand softly over her bloodied stomach but also holding it with pressure so she wouldn't die of blood loss

"cal...callie did..." she breathed out weakly as i sat in shock

i was more so shocked that she still called callie her friend. it's not the first time that callie's turned her back on makenna. 

"...why? she promised to never hurt you. especially when she's being possessed like she's supposed to! what happened to that promise? why did she do this to you, baby girl?" i watched as makenna struggled to take a deep breath in to start telling us the story

"she...she just, it was like she had a seziure or a...a fit! her eyes rolled to the back of her head bobby, and her eyes changed colour...they went completely white, bobby! then she...she just stabbed me and left like it was nothing, leaving me here all on my own like this...i...i'm scared bobby! i...i don't wanna die..." makenna was struggling to breathe as she managed to fight her way through telling the story as a tear streams down her cheek as she spoke about how the person she thought was her best friend would just do this to her 

"kenna, darling, i am so sorry that she's done this to you! where did she run off to? i can get sam or dean to go and find her?" a sudden burst of anger came over my body like a father would as makenna weakly smiled as sam's attention returned back to makenna as he began to worry about her

"kenna, you okay darling?" sam's tired voice came from behind me as he dropped down to his knees right next to me

"sam...sam yes...i...i'm fine. just really sore..." makenna huffed out with so much struggle as i decided i needed to get dean and charlie, we need to get makenna to castiel as quickly as possible

"makenna, we need to taake you to castiel before you....die...so, warning, i will be picking you up," i say softly, giving makenna a fair warning as she nods her head, closing her eyes tightly as she braced for the pain she would feel as i picked her up 

a week later and, thankfully, makenna had recovered perfectly from the gunshot wound and she was back to be being flirty and funny with sam. 

present-day | sam's pov

i sobbed heavily as i held makenna's weak hand as i tried to keep her as awake as i possibly could even though i knew this time it wasn't going to work. cas had now  taken makenna in and it was bobby, charlie, dean and myself that were taking it in intervals to visit her whilst rowena stayed guard for any demons or callie even. right now, it was dean and me who were currently with her. 

"...c'mon makenna...wake up baby girl! don't do this to me, please, not now!" i sob out, lightly shaking my girlfriend who was bloody, the same one i saw those two years ago who was so much smaller in stature, now grown an extra few feet as i tried to keep her as safe as i could 

"sam...sammy..." she just manages to breathe out hastily, easy for me to tell that she was in an immense amount of pain as my heart broke for her 

"...hey, you're awake...i never thought i'd see your pretty eyes ever again!" i giggle softly, makenna giggling as well before wincing in pain, forgetting she couldn't do that

"ow...sammy don't make me laugh, it...it hurts," makenna weakly smiles as i rest my shoulders that were once hunched up in stress as i smile back at her 

"sorry i...i..." just as i tried to make conversation to make makenna calm something happened and she just started to convulse 

jumping backwards and into where dean was just magically waiting, i slid down to the floor as he held me tightly in the most comforting way. like i was a little kid again and dean was protecting me from our dad. 

"...dean...what...what's happening to makenna?" i whisper, not wanting to bring my voice up any louder as i feel his breathing get faster as he gets more anxious

"i...i don't know sammy but, just know that no matter what, cas has done all he can for makenna and whatever happens, makenna loves you so much. and she always has and always will..." dean trails off, resting his chin on top of my head as a tear fell down the side of my cheek

"...i...i'm scared dean...i...i don't want makenna to die....makenna hasn't even been reunited with jack, jody, clare and everyone else. she can't die yet!" panic flows through my blood as dean shakes his head as he holds me tighter and closer, just like when we were younger 

"i know you're scared sam, i am as well. and i don't want makenna to die either, i also want her to see jack and everyone else but, if we have to do that for makenna's dead body then, that's what we'll have to do, okay?" dean proved a valid point but, it didn't mean it hurt any less

"will...will i have to shoot her?" my voice breaks as dean looks at me in shock as i notice tears fill his eyes, matching mine

"no sam, she wasn't possessed, she won't turn, you know that. you won't even need to touch your gun for her," dean smiled at me with hope twinkling in his eyes as i gulp, nodding my head

dean and i waited an extra five minutes after she stopped convulsing the first time before makenna started to convulse a second time. except this time it was more violently and this time, cas had the look on his face that makenna's time was over and that it was time to finally let her go. 

"dean..." i croak out, just like i was a little kid all over again as he pulls me closer to give me a hug

"...it's time to let go, sam...if makenna's ready then, she's ready," dean spoke softly, his voice quivering as he held me tightly as i nodded my head 

"i...i love you makenna..." i sobbed as the love of my life took her last ever breath, dying all because of callie and her selfishness

as i cry in my older brother's arms, watching as makenna closes her eyes and fades away, it took me back to when we were fifteen years old and makenna was scared about her first demon kill. however, as i promised her from the start of this supernatural world we live in, i was there to help her get through it and she ended up killing the demon who possessed her best friend. it's the same thing here at twenty, i could see how terrified makenna was to let go but, i was there with her the whole time and then she allowed herself to let go and fade away. 

flashback | sam and makenna are both 15-years-old

"drowning inside these holes of fear, take my hand and stay with me my dear,"

i could see how terrified makenna was as this was the first time she had ever been in this situation with me, let alone by herself. however, i knew she had to take that gunshot otherwise there was going to be a possession and then i'd lose my best friend in the entire world. 

"...makenna, i know you're scared but, you have to do it. i'm right here!" i spoke softly so it wouldn't make the situation worse as makenna, just a couple feet shorter than me, looks up at me, her emerald green eyes twinkling back at me in fear 

"sam...sammy...i...i don't think i can do it...she...she's my friend..i..i can't kill her..." makenna's small voice rings out as tears brim her eyeline and i gulp feeling guilty

"...i know kenna but, i'm right here. just stay with me and nothing bad's gonna happen, i promise. plus, if anything, i'm sure if she'd want anyone to shoot her so she wouldn't turn into a demon, it would be you out of anyone..." i trail off as makenna takes a deep breath in and nods her head

she then starts to slowly level her knife to be in exact range of where she'd need to shoot the gun "...okay...i...i'll do it..." makenna says in between cries as my heart breaks for her

we're just kids, we're literally fifteen and this is the world our parents have exposed us to. this shouldn't exist, these were only meant to be scary stories we read in fiction books. except, it's not fiction, it's real life. these monsters do exist.

then, out of nowhere, the gun's trigger is pulled into the open field that makenna and i were in. and it's bullet hits makenna's best friend right in the spot it was supposed to. the bullet hitting her best friend, making the newly possessed form of her topple down to the ground within seconds of standing up in her new reanimated form. i couldn't help but shed a few tears of my own as i pulled makenna up from the ground into my arms. reminding her that i would never leave her. 

"i...i did it sam...i did it," makenna's small and timid voice mumbled into my shoulder as i nodded my head

"yes...yes you did makenna," i shuddered as makenna and i held hands on our walk back to the motel with extra saddness in our hearts mixed with pride for the fact that makenna had the courage to shoot her best friend

present-day | dean's pov

"i think you broke my heart again, please don't leave and take my hand," 

i watched in devastation as my younger brother picked up makenna, the girl he loved and who allowed him to feel like a teenager again, to tell the rest of the group that she had died. 

"...sammy, don't do this to yourself. i can easily carry mak..." 

"...NO! sor...sorry...i...i think it's better that i carry her back to the group. i need to do this," sam shouted before apologising and going back to a whisper as i nod my head 

"alright, as long as you're able to do it sammy, i'm not gonna stop you. but, i'm just going to remind you that i'm right here," i spoke softly to my grieving brother as he gave me a weak smile 

i then walk up behind him as we make the heartbreaking walk to the rest of the group with a newly dead makenna, "thanks dean...thank you for being here with me...i...i don't think i could have dealt with this without you..." sam trailed off as i noticed tears welling in his eyes as my heart broke 

one thing i hated was seeing my younger brother cry and in pain, i absolutely hated it, "...of course sammy, i wouldn't ever let you do this on your own. i know how much makenna means to you, she means a helluva lot to me as well," i spoke softly again, knowing if i spoke any louder the both of us would lose it 

i bring my brother closer and kiss his head of hair as he gave me a weak smile before i kissed makenna's pale, cold and ghostly cheek. taking a piece of hair and placing it behind her ear. 

sam's pov | meeting back with the group

now i know what it actually feels like to hold a dead body and bring it back to the group. this hurt like hell, not physically as makenna is quite literally the weight of a feather but, this hurt emotionally. i never thought i'd have to imagine, let alone picture, carrying the dead body of my girlfriend back to the group after getting killed by her possessed best friend. it hurt that just as charlie was going to see her best friend again that she's taken from her, along with claire. these girls have lost so much and now, they're loosing their baby girl too? that's so fucking unfair! 

"...char...who is it that sam's carrying?" claire's voice rings out as i felt my lips quiver

 looking down to the floor as i could already see how heartbroken the rest of the group was, i continued to walk over to them as i cannot imagine how the rest of the group feels.

"claire...don't...it's no one!" i could already tell that charlie was trying to distract her from finding out it was makenna

but, obviously, claire was smart and wouldn't ever forget makenna's pure white lettuce-hem crop top like any of us couldn't. makenna had so many of these tops and would wear it everyday. charlie couldn't do anything to try and hide this from claire. 

"no charlie, don't lie to me, who is sam carrying?" claire pushes for charlie to tell her who i was carrying as i had now come close enough that claire could really distinguish who it was as i notice her facial expressions change 

"it's fine--" 

"--kenna? oh...oh my gosh...makenna...baby girl no!" claire screams, trying to run towards me as charlie grabs her and pulls her back before claire collapses in charlie's grasp as i lose it once again, my tears hitting makenna's cheeks 

"claire...stop...ssh...it's okay!" charlie whispered picking her best friend up and cradling her like the grieving girl was a baby as i stopped walking since i was now standing right in front of them

claire's pov

"drowning inside these holes of fear, take my hand and stay with me my dear," 

i watched on as sam, dean, castiel and bobby came through the bunker from going on a missing person search for our wayward sister, makenna. a small smile grew on my face since i couldn't wait to see makenna again, considering that is what their job was to do, to find her. so, i was beyond excited at the fact i'd be seeing her again since she went missing. however, the closer that sam got to the group, the more i started to realise that sam was carrying someone. that someone was wearing a white lettuce-hemmed crop top and light washed blue jeans. that someone was and always has been makenna. but that...that doesn't make sense, sam promised that makenna was still alive. i mean, i know him well enough to know that he'd never purposefully hurt or lie to me but, makenna couldn't be dead, could she? 

"i think you broke my heart again, please don't leave and take my hand," 

after charlie and jody had caught me, after i realised makenna actually was dead and sam was carrying a lifeless makenna, i could feel my heart breaking. as though it was being stepped on repeatedly. just like two years ago when we almost lost her from getting stabbed, my heart is broken. i just wish i could take her hand in mine and never have her leave my side ever again! 

"...claire...i...i am so sorry...i...i know i promised that i'd return makenna safely and alive but we...i...i was too late. cal...callie was too quick and she...she stabbed her again," sam's voice quivered as tears streamed down his cheeks as i stood up to face him

i knew he felt just as much grief as i did. especially when we remember the fact that sam was in love with makenna and he was with her at the time of her death. so, i could and was never mad at sam and sam had no reason to apologise to me or any of us. simply for the fact that he wasn't the one that stabbed her but that it was callie's fault since she was the one that stabbed her for a second time. 

"sam...don't apologise. makenna's death isn't your fault, it was callie's fault. the whole reason we're in this situation is because callie couldn't handle the fact that makenna wasn't her friend once she realised everything about her. so, once callie realised she had a second chance of killing her, she went for it and this time, she succeeded. if anything, it's us, here in the bunker, that should apologise. we didn't try hard enough to help you guys find and save makenna," i spoke strongly as my eyes welled with tears as sam's tears were steadily streaming his cheeks

"it wasn't any of your guys' fault either, claire. it was callie's fault but i...i knew i had to bring her back. i...i just couldn't leave her there with callie because i knew she would've done some messed up shit to makenna and...i knew i'd hate myself for the rest of my life if i left makenna with her..." sam choked out as he looked across his shoulder to look at makenna

during this entire conversation between sam and i, dean had taken makenna out of sam's grip and placed her on a table and covered her with a cloth. dean...in fact none of us wanted to have to burden sam with making him hold onto makenna for another second so we didn't. 

"it's your job to return those to their rightful homes, sam. and this is her home, sam. it's our home, sam. you guys did the right thing by bringing makenna back here. and, we thank you guys, castiel, bobby, dean and of course, you sam. we're grateful that the wayward sisters are reunited but, the thing that hurts the most isn't the fact that makenna's dead, it's the fact that we couldn't have the chance to do something about it to change it..." i trail off as i tear up, just thinking about the words i just said

"...it does hurt...if only castiel was able to bring her back to life or we could have healed her, it wouldn't be so hard. but, she deserves this and she deserves to be given the best farewell as i...i don't think i could go through any one of us selling our souls to anyone just to save her when probably, makenna wouldn't even want us to do that...she'd want us to bury her and to let her continue her life in heaven..." sam trailed off, seeming like he was struggling to make sense of what he was saying but, we all understood 

"...yeah, i agree sam. i think that is what makenna would want when she died, she'd want to be buried and i know exactly where she'd want it to be done as well," i smiled as sam nodded his head as we joined the group 

we then piled into our cars to then go to where we are going to bury makenna

sam's pov

"i think you broke my heart again, please don't leave and take my hand."

i miss you so much makenna. if only i could have pretended the first time you broke my heart, we wouldn't be in this mess right now. and go figure, this is the second time you've broke my heart and i wish it was different. if only you could have broken my heart by breaking up with me and not dying, i would've been happier than you breaking my heart in this way. it's funny though as the song i have stuck in my head is the song you were muttering when callie killed you. and it was quite literally called "you broke my heart again" and that is exactly what you did. you really did break my heart makenna wallace but i still love you and i miss you so much. oh, say hi to my mum for me and dean...thanks...

- - - 

so, i originally wrote this as a twd thing but, now i kind of transferred it into the spn world and i hope it was good enough! 

ily xx

word count; 4263

[crappy-coffee]

Literally any of the romances. Take your pick, they’re all terrible to some degree. You can even come back to this ask if you wanna do more than one.

They’re all terrible to some degree

I would have to disagree with you on that one to be honest. Like I’ve said before, I believe Pixane is the best one.

Personally I think Jaya is fine. It’s not amazing but it’s good. I’d just change that one moment in the pilot episodes, and rewrite Rebooted and Skybound. After those points I’d even say they’re a good couple.

But the one’s I want to change are Kai and Skylor, Lloyd and Harumi, and Lloyd and Akita.

Kailor

For Kai and Skylor, god just make them get together or don’t. Enough with the wishy washy bullshit and pick something. Make definitive character decisions. I already made a post about how I view Kailor so I’ll just screenshot it here.

Also yeah I’m having open LGBT+ characters because who the fuck is gonna stop me?

Lloykita

There’s so many problems with this ship starting with the fact that I saw Akita as a little child for so long (I looked it up, she isn’t so. Good job Ninjago) bc to me her model looks small. Other actual problems include; It’s boring & predictable, we never see Akita again, and it’s a last second kiss on the cheek.

It kinda sucks because I actually like Akita but if you’ve seen my season 11 rewrite then you know that I’ve gotten rid of her and the never realm completely. So the way I’m fixing it is just throwing it away. Maybe she can appear in my season 10 rewrite but we’ll see. Absolutely no romance with Lloyd though.

Llorumi

So what if I told you that this ship killed my hope in Ninjago’s writing team, because I would tell you that I’m exaggerating for comedy. In reality it just made me sit back and go “Wow. They really did that huh.”

Here’s my hot take, I love Lorumi! I love the idea that Lloyd falls in love with someone who takes advantage of him. I love the idea that Harumi is against the Ninja, and is super manipulative. I love the idea that Lloyd still has feelings for Harumi after the reveal for a little while!

Here’s what I don’t love. Ninjago’s failed attempt to use trauma as a way to make a villain sympathetic. The way Harumi’s plan is so fucking stupid AND that it bring Garmadon back. The fact that Lloyd drags his feet about his feelings for over 5 SEASONS and is STILL in love with her during the most recent one. Even worse that Harumi apparently RETURNS these feelings?? Are you kidding me??

Oh and don’t get me started on the fact that they tried to do a last second redemption arc before fucking KILLING her. You ever notice that the guy villains get more sympathy in character while the 2 main girl villains get the worst treatment. Because I do and it’s SO frustrating. 

How do I fix this? Well first of all I do as I mentioned with Kailor earlier, PICK A SIDE. God please no more back and forth just pick one. Here’s what happens in my rewrite.

Harumi is the quite one, sure, but she’s not in charge. She’s just the lead of communications and is doing an inside job on the ninja. We get the same scene of the harbor and blah blah blah but here’s the thing. The other Sons of Garmadon want to commit mass destruction with the Oni masks, something they keep secret from Harumi. So we do a double twist.

Harumi reveals she’s the quite one and her motives; that nobody is taking accountability for the destruction that the Ninja leave behind. Someone has to pay for all the lives they couldn’t save, and the police force in Ninjago has been slacking off HARD because of the Ninja. 

Later, during a ceremony to give the wearer’s of the masks the full powers of the Oni (Garmadon is NOT being brought back fuck you) when Harumi realizes they aren’t planning on using these powers to help Ninjago like they promised. She tries to fight the other leaders but she gets her mask taken and she’s ditched.

Harumi then goes back to the Ninja to work with them to stop the Sons of Garmadon. When Lloyd asks why they should trust her, she responds “My values are more important then my pride. If you are the same then you will accept my help as I will accept yours. For Ninjago, nothing else.”

I want Harumi to drop the act at this point. She resents the Ninja but knows it’s better to work with them at times. Harumi remains as a minor antagonist throughout the series from this point on. She doesn’t hurt others but still stands against the Ninja. I think it would be refreshing to have another force of good that doesn’t stand with the main characters. Really make them question their morals y’know? Lloyd gets over himself after like 2 seasons and they don’t have feelings or get together anymore ever :]

Tldr; Kailor is free food, Lloykita is dumb, and Llourmi happens but not really.