#STOP UR GONNA BRING OUT THE CRAZY IN ME FROM AGES AGO

[mygnolia]

YOU MAKE ME GO CRAZY OVER YOU !!

୨୧ -› hey, that boy over there..isn't he the most popular student athlete on campus? how did you two meet, anyway?

pair -› jock/athlete! enhypen x fem! reader | wc -› 3.5k (700 per member) | no warnings! | library

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ LEE HEESEUNG

im gonna sigh dreamily when i say he’s most DEF basketball captain. 

yes ik i wrote about this in wrong number i dont CARE i will say it with my whole chest 

DORK DORK DORK but cute dork with lethal face card. smirks after making yet another basket and winks at you

age old question how tf did yall meet!!! 

you pass by the gym and some guy on the way stops to talk to you 

like “hey i know you from somewhere”

“yes heeseung we were partners from a project two weeks ago how do you not remember..” 

he’s embarrassed asf especially because he remembers a lot of people’s names

after that he wants to be in your good graces and be friends

totally not because he remembered how you did a lot of the work for said project no complaints!!

and he doesn’t want you to rat him out to the teacher… or tell other people he’s not friendly

‘hey y/n, come to my game? i’ll do better if you’re there :)�� 

you go only because you needed to complete an assignment while you were there at school anyways 

but sometimes you’d see him laughing with his friends, or how serious he is on court and woah, heeseung looks cool for once

you wait for him after because you figured he needed you for something 

“awh, you wanted for me?” “i could be doing much better things.” “awh, come on y/n let’s get some ice cream! my treat since we get to spend time together” 

he’s annoying but you let him tag around because he doesn’t bother you LOL

more under the cut!

drags you along when he practices alone so he can have some company

you like the company and the white noise too

you definitely doubt if he likes you because he is SUCH A FLIRT but no he DOES! he writes a confession on a basketball and ‘misses’ so you can catch it

you pass it back without seeing the message 

but heeseung keeps missing and it almost hits you on the head and you’re like ‘dude you SUCK hello??” he says ‘oh lol maybe it’s the ball” byee why was he smooth with it!!!!

you check the message and roll your eyes 

“if i make this you have to kiss me” you tell him and you’re about to shoot but he picks you up and brings you right next o the next to let you throw it in and then kisses u!!!!

not to be like oh im writing an smau on basketball captain heeseung but.. *tucks hair behind ear* 

most definitely tries to be mysterious and cool when you’re dating 

dribbles in front of you, trick shots, runs up to you when you’re alone, gives you one kiss between ever basket he makes 

teaches you how to play!!!!

ABSOLUTELY lights up when someones mentions you when you two date

“oh yeah my partner in math is ___” 

“omg ___?? the love of my life ___??” 

you lowk have to drag him away i fear 

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ PARK JONGSEONG 

baseball captain *faints* 

enhypen x mariners and him speaking in english…so you want me DECEASED 

baseball captain jay and you who attends his games because jake aka ur friend on the team knows you have nothing better to do 

“i bet you won’t make it even to five games before buying cotton candy” jake says because you have a MASSIVE sweet tooth 

you tried really hard because $15 and a burger was on the line 

and you kept coming because…well there was a cute captain who always knew how to rally his teammates and get them excited 

also great sportsmanship and was super friendly to everyone! 

definitely got mad when the umpire makes a wrong call 

sharp reaction times. EVEN SHARPER JAW. 

of course you stared! of course you were not paying attention to whatever jake was saying about his test after their game..how could you when jay was doing his lopsided smile as his friend pats him on the shoulder from ten feet away??

one time you come early because they’re practicing on the field and you see jay and jake passing to each other

jay just so effortlessly throwing the ball…oh my god

he’s just so perfect and jake cheers from the sidelines because he knows his captain pays attention to every single person who has stepped foot on the baseball field iNCLUDING YOU

you come up to jake after the fourth game, showing him you still had your $5 and your tongue wasn’t stained with any blue or pink

jay comes over, arm thrown around jake’s shoulder as he waves and smiles to you 

dark hair with a twinge of sweat as he runs a hand through it, pulling it back to place on his cap 

JAY IN A BASEBALL CAP *faints again*

he walks you out to the parking lot and asks what the $5 in your pocket is for because he keeps seeing you pull it out 

you explain your whole bet to him and he nods

next game. before it starts. he gets you cotton candy and makes sure it gets to you somehow 

you smile and you’re all giddy when you eat it because there’s a p.j. on the cap and he’s just so cute 

jake doesn’t say anything he already knows it’s happening between you two. 

jay finally writes on a baseball and tells you to catch, and it says ‘let’s date’ and you grab a sharpie and scribble ‘kiss me first’ 

OH YEAH HE WALKS OVER AND KISSES YOU. 

soon every game instead of cotton candy  it’s his baseball cap when it’s sunny, his jacket when you’re cold, baseballs with notes on them, and roses for his girlfriend aka youuuuu 

jay is such a romantic and he is not afraid to show it 

he orders custom jerseys that say jay/n on the back with the day you got together!!!!! 

BEST BOYFRIEND EVERRRRRR

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ SIM JAEYUN

rugby player jake but he has dark long hair let that settle in 

campus flirt campus playboy but in reality he doesn’t go on dates and nothing really happens past the smiles, he’s just super popular

you are also pretty well known! a little flirty but super sweet and your charm and how expressive and open you are with other people is what people like!

and he sees you cheering with your friend who he remembers is dating someone from the team

rugby has no gear so he just runs like no tomorrow 

smiling in the sun or determined stare as he talks to his team, you never know 

he yells either in frustration, victory, or defeat, literally will never be silent 

so after a game you follow your friend down to the railing and she has her little moments with her boyfriend 

and you and jake kind of awkwardly stand there for a moment 

he wipes his sweat off with a towel and smiles at you, cracking the ice 

“how long have you had to deal with that?” he points over to them 

you shrug and tell him “however long you’ve been dealing with it” he laughs 

oh wow his smile when he’s right in front of you is just so pretty 

and his little chuckle as he shakes his head and looks back up at you 

‘who do you watch on the field?’ he asks, with a little smirk because he likes you 

‘whoever catches my attention’ you tell him also smiling 

oh its a CHALLENGE. he will make sure to run on the side of the field you’re watching from, winking at you on the field, ugh just everything 

you come to a party at the end of the season to celebrate and he sees you 

“you came!!” super happy and makes sure you are next to him all the time 

“y/n you know the teammates, yeah?” you smile and congratulate them 

he leaves to get you a soda/water and jungwon leans in 

“jake LOVES to talk about you by the way” 

“yeah he always says how pretty you are in the library or in class, he likes when your friend comes because that means you come with her”

heeseung nods, “super into you, no joke” 

jake comes back trying to play it off “who’s into y/n?” 

you poke at his shoulder and smile, “you” and he’s all bashful and giggly 

loves to call himself ‘y/n’s girlfriend’ 

‘sorry, i can’t i have to buy flowers for y/n’ ‘sorry y/n needs me to help her study’ ‘sorry y/n needs a ride here’ STUCK TO YOUR HIP

ofc he doesn’t abandon his friends but he loves spending time with you :3

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ PARK SUNGHOON

sunghoon’s reputation proceeds him—cold on the court and just as reserved off of it

ugh he’s so annoying, he always has his bag in the same spot as yours and he always is at the water filling station with hos annoying 32oz bottle before you

also hogs that automatic tennis ball throwing machine like how are YOU supposed to practice tennis too 

‘hey i need that’ he furrows his eyebrows and shrugs 

‘i was here first’ ‘what are you twelve????’ sunghoon tells you ‘get here earlier next time then 

oh yeah. for the next week you ran to the courts everytime to get it before him 

one day he sees you and races you to the gates and you beat him 

sulky after as if his career is over

definitely varsity and one of the best, but he never approaches girls after his games

one time you go to a men’s game because it’s one of the most anticipated of the season 

its neck to neck, third set with 40-adv, sunghoon’s serve

he chases after that ball and sends it over, it barely hits the net and tumbles over, AND HE WINSSSS BRAHHHHH 

even if you hate him you will admit that he made the game extremely interesting 

you see his friends congratulate him and you notice that he never gets his clothes dirty 

always wears white to practice—pristine asf 

secretly he loves watching you too

even if you hate him for getting on your nerves some days and almost never doing more than bare minimum, you cannot lie and say sunghoon isn’t a huge inspiration 

just as you are to him 

sunghoon thinks your tenacity and passion for tennis is what makes you so fun to watch 

so even if he has homework, he goes to a game of yours and comes down to the court after the game 

bumps your shoulder after, ‘good game, y/n’ and you’re like ?? ‘you’re here?’ and he’s sooo nonchalant when he says ‘of course, i can’t miss a fun game can i?’ 

there’s a fun mixed doubles tournament for a whole gift basket of things and you come up to him 

‘hey let’s pair up’ and he grins 

you two play each other for practice and you’ve tied the score so many times you’ve lost count

and sunghoon’s a little annoying but oh lord he’s so attrative??? so maybe he wasn’t THAT annoying…

mixed doubles tourney rolls around and oh yeah. you two win.

you know much he likes natto and you say ‘here you take the natto’ he shakes his head ‘no you eat it all the time’

you two bicker and you say ‘fine lets just share it!’ and to your surprise..he opens the package and just mixes it all in 

you two sit and share the natto, then he tells you he thinks you’re pretty cool on court 

you raise your eyebrow cuz where is this coming from!! and he rolls his eyes 

‘nevermind maybe you’re only bright on the court’ 

‘hey what’s that supposed to mean!!!’ you take the natto and eat all of it LMFAO and then he pouts because noo his natto!!!

you kiss his cheek. it’s ok everything is ok now he is a happy boy 

“you’re my match” you write on a tennis ball pin and he keeps it on his bag like his life DEPENDS on it

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ KIM SUNOO

THE CUTEST VOLLEYBALL SETTER EVER 

i hate to be like oh you’ve had the fattest crush on him for like two months BUT ITS TRUE 

you’re on yearbook and you make an excuse to go see sunoo play!!

you two met when you were at a volleyball game and you told him to smile, but he’s one of those guys who says “wait delete that take another one!!” 

and ofc you agree, snapping a few cute photos of him

he posts to his social media, tagging you with a cute song saying ‘thanks photographer :3” 

and so you it begins, your small little crush on him..

he loves seeing you at his games, always makes sure to wave to you on the court 

hey so setter sunoo is insanely good at what he does 

so graceful when he places a NASTY setter dump on the other team, a glare shot at one of the other team’s members bad-mouthing him, but a glowing smile as he high-fives all his teammates! 

super supportive, and you loveee that about him!! he cares so much about everyone it makes your heart warm 

“here, let’s eat together,” you tell him, and you bring him some noodles you made because he said he was craving some 

he smiles at you and sits down, beginning to slurp slurp slurp and SCOREEE he loves it 

“thanks y/n, let me treat you some time :)” UGH DEAD DEAD 

KIM SUNOO KING OF FLOAT SERVES 

huge smile on his face when it lands where it needs to, he loves that feeling of satisfaction and soaks up all of your praise after his games are over 

he slips out of practice sometimes to see what you’re doing in yearbook, and he’ll take your camera to tell you to smile as he takes pics

someone in your class tells you too to look overfor a photo , so he loops an arm around your shoulders to pull you close and smile 

AND OH EM GEE UR LIKE TOTALLY GEEKING OUT OVER IT HELLO??????/ 

you ask her to print you a copy of it to save in your scrapbook, but sunoo cuts in and asks for another one 

“i like seeing you” DEAD IN A DITCH esp when he smiles at you and then runs off to practice before he gets in trouble

so competitive on the court and it makes him a little sulky when he loses 

“argh i did so bad today” he’d tell you, but in your eyes hello kim sunoo could do no wrong!! and you share your snacks while reassuring him 

he swears tho, “nooo, i had to look cool for you!” and you’re tired of hearing him say and do all of these sweet things and straight up 

“why?” “what do you mean, y/n?” “why do you want to look cool for me?” “well i liked you duh!” 

but sunoo never wanted to confess, he was too scared he wasn’t good yet at showing you all of his perfect bf traits 

WELL HE THOUGHT WRONG!! he’s been perfect from d1 so now he just sneaks in like 40 kisses before every game 

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ YANG JUNGWON

see so jungwon, he’s been a little FLIRTY as of recently. 

“you like older guys? but im a younger guy with rhythm” WHAT THE FKSCNHDJFD

whatever. anyways jungwon focuses on badminton like it’s a lifeline 

hitting birdies in his sleep would be smth he would do if he could, he loves how aggressive he can be in the sport without moving too much, lots of strategy involved 

you come to one of his games because your friend is on the other team, and you want to cheer him on

but jungwon notices you’re literally from his school?? 

isn’t it weird you’re going to a game for someone on the other team…

so he sets off a plan 

he goes to you after the game before your friend can

“hey, how come you don’t support anyone on our team” so straight to the point help 

and you tilt your head in confusion because “well i don’t know anyone from the team and you’re all scary”

scary??? jungwon makes it his personal mission to debunk that cuz no one is SCARY 

maybe sunghoon but that’s because he’s varsity 1 and the best player within 150 miles but whatever

he makes it his mission to wave to you when he sees you and when he’s sat next to you in one of your classes he’s like yay perf 

“you’re the guy from that badminton game huh?” “is that a good or bad thing” 

you shrug “whatever you want it to be” 

and he asks you to go to his next game but if he wins, you have to support the team and if he loses 

and you stare at him like “wtf do i get out of it” 

jungwon did NOT think about that 

he promises to buy you a snack after 

and it’s free food so you can’t complain 

you two talk more and he finds out you used to play badminton before you hurt your ankle and wanted to focus on school 

so he takes you to practice and gives you one of his expensive rackets

lowk falling in love everytime you laugh and chase the birdie 

jungwon pretends to hate chasing after it but he’ll still hit it back even if it’s out of bounds because he doesn’t want to waste your time picking it up

you two sit down and you tell him how fun it was to be able to play, and how much you missed it from your childhood 

your school holds a small festival where other school athletes go against your team modified lighting rounds 

paired with vendors and fun carnival stands, but the main attractions are always the variety of sports to watch

jungwon is one of the representatives from your school but so is your friend from the other school, so it’s heated when they play

you tie a ribbon around his racket (curtesy of sunghoon for helping you out) and write a note saying “if you do good ill cheer for you” 

AND HE WINS. so you keep your end of the bargain and cheer for him after the game is over, giving him a high five and a hug

he walks with you and asks about what you two are BECAUSE THIS IS A DATE this is date behavior 

“of course i like you won who wouldn’t”

let’s just say he gives u little kisses all over when you two are alone sigh so cute

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ NISHIMURA RIKI

he’s been on the soccer team ever since he was a freshman and even before, retaining his cute features and mischievous personality 

when you became assistant manager you were scared but your brother heeseung was on the team and your mom told you to look after him at school 

and riki takes after heeseung a LOT when they play and heeseung even goes as far as inviting riki over 

so riki’s super good at soccer by the time heeseung leaves, but he also has this small crush on you that heeseung’s told you about 

you just never said anything because you never had a reason to nor were you uncomfortable with it 

but junior year hits and riki comes back from winter break with pitch black hair all styled 

also…a lot taller than you. and no more baby fat 

and you paid attention to some of it because you saw him for practice, but the hair really did it 

during practice he loves to mess with you saying things like “can you fill up my water y/n pleaseeee” “no you have two feet” “ill win the next game against ____ if you get me water” “i’ll kick you off the team if you don’t win” 

he sighs and gets up, glaring down at you and you try not to let his playful stare affect you, but SOMETHING was different something was in the air

if riki doesn’t play good, it’s because his team manager aka you is NOT there 

you come back the next day to find out he was sulking and didn’t play super well because you weren’t encouraging him

“go run a lap, riki” and HE DOES JUST THAT “go practice on the field by yourself”

“how about you ask me to date you next” he grumbles 

and you HEAR him. loud and clear. 

but you’re like agh what if he doesn’t mean it what if he’s just joking 

at the next game he does super well and you congratulate the whole team 

yas team hybe eats 

you two are getting ready to go home when he finally brings it up

“you heard what i said on tuesday” and you know exactly what he means 

“yep.” “so why didn’t you say anything back” “i didn’t know if you were being serious”

he scoffs “y/n when have i ever not been serious about you”  

he opens your door even if he’s passenger princess 

makes fun of you for how much closer you need the wheel to be to drive

YAYYYY Y/NKI IS REAL

he loves to drape an arm around your shoulder walking around school 

acts as if he’s older when you two are literally the same age HELP 

reblogs/interactions are appreciated always!

have some shameless self promo for my spiderman!riki fic!

and my upcoming jake fic!

[cyancherub]

for a brief moment i thought this was zuko 👁️👄👁️

JUNE........FIRE LORD ZUKO . IM SO !(*@(!@!(*@)(

[dcbnam-aep]

715- amina

pre-ep thoughs

- I already know that this is alycias last episode and i cant say im ready

- alicia is literally my fav character ever I cant believe she’s leavingggg

- but at the same time alycia will be great at whatever role she plays next and shell always have my support so yuh

- anyways on to the ep AKA my breaking point ksjdjjf

ep thoughts-

- straying with a montage of a dying, hallucinating, semi-unconscious alicia wow

- this better be 47 minutes if just alicia

- HER BEING SO OUT OF EVERYTHING BUT SAYING HI TO THE BIRD STOP SHES THE LOML

- the way she’s so shaky sitting up

- june taking her pulse slay

- ‘do not stand up… bring fever under control it will kill you’ owch from the get go

- ‘you need to rest’ alicia pls listen to the doctor and rest

- aannndddd she’s hallucinating again

- she doesn’t know if she’s hallucinating or not

- ok she’s chasing after a hallucination ok then

- it better be her as a child or else 😤

- she rlly just walked into the radiation world as everyone is trying to LEAVE and is not answering her comms

- oh good she answered thank god

- ‘don’t come looking for me’ GIRLIE

- debilitating hallucinations and we’re not even 5 mins in

- almost died count: 1

- THE FLASHBACKS NOOO

- HER TAKING HER MASK OFF DOUBLE NOOOOO OMFG SHES ALREADY DYING

- HER SEEING HER REFLECTION AS A ZOMBIE NOOO

- lol the kid is actually real

- actually my bets are the kid still isn’t real and she’s hallucinating it all to keep the last of her mental sanity

- and since the kid won’t say her name or take the mask off that’s what’ll happen at the very end as she dies kskdnnf

- if the kids ‘friend’ is nick i will SCREAM

- not the kid quoting Alicia’s mum istg it’s literally young her I called this ages ago

- ‘I’ve been fighting a long time’ GIVE BESTIE A BREAK AND HAPPINESS

- not the madison tape talking bout the bird and alicia said hi to a bird

- awww she’s taking it with her and once she dies madison will get it back

- ‘I barely made it here’

- ok at least she’s going for self preservation now slay

- the way she just grabbed the gun and didn’t care

- ‘to do something that might outlast me’ awwww bestie ur memory will live on forever

- yeah u can beat it and help ur friends ‘that’s not true’ owch

- the way the kid has the bite mark in the same place literally baby alicia stop-

- kinda devo ive got no happy scenes for literally a season and now she’s gonna die

- her making fun of young her being short

- almost die count: 2

- she literally cant even stand up stop it

- not her planning on killing herself very much owch

- i dislike that the child is saying how she’ll be find and giving us all hope and then she dies die like that’s so cruel

- i get queerbaited enough now im getting deathbaited do ksjjdjd

- if she’s going to the tower Strand better be with her when she dies

- and she’s fainted. Again.

- the child literally talks and acts like alicia

- The bullet she’s gonna use to kill berserker around her neck

- and now she’s being carried to the start like the beginning again

- luciana queen

- and now there’s no child cause alicia walkied them ugh too predictable

- her mind making things up to make things make more sense for herself is sad

- ok like give her a tranquilizer and put her on the raft and keep her safe jeez its not that hard

- if she saves the girl she’s saving herself stop this foreshadowing of survival is CRUEL

- alicia doesn’t wanna die 🥹🥹

- she knows she sounds crazy lol

- ayyy luciana teaming up to help alicia slay

- Everyone joining to help her

- ahhh happy s5 nostalgia where they were all one happy family not off on separate storylines slayyyy

- not her loading the gun arghhh owchies

- trailer scene power walk icon shit

- alicia telling everyone why they need to live and then sending herself in to die hurts

- ‘I have to do this on my own’ giving Lexa

- the cgi fire also hurts im not kidding i could literally do better

- id say ftwd should hire me but i wouldn’t get to cgi alicia so no

- shes walking like a walker owch

- ‘im not sure i can make it’ owch again

- shes telling herself she can do itttt

- also the birds there again maybe she hallucinated that the first time to

- kinda want a flashback of how she got down from the burning tower ngl

- SHES NOT READY TO DIE AND THEYRE GONNS KILL HER ANYESY FTWD WRITERS PLS LEAVE NOW

- her friend is strand aka alicias friend already this is all so obvious and pointless I hate that this delusional alicia is the last we’re gonna get she’s such an amazing character and deserves so much better ksjjdjdj

- *chanels anger and grief and emotions into keyboard smashes* jsjdjdjjdjdj

- the slo-mo of her almost fainting again djjdjfj

- her grabbing her head and looking broken and done with herself so much owch

- strand is her family when rlly madison her actual mother is coming back next ep and shes already gonna be dead

- oop she fainted. Again again.

- and ofc the kid fainted too cause they’re the same duh

- she actually can’t stand and walk and breath at the same time

- the bird cgi is so bad I could cry

- Strand where u at come comfort alicia already

- he’s gonna be drunk asf

- oh guess what he’s drunk asf

- i mean at least alycia got to film some of her last scenes with bestie colman

- she’s got survivors guilt

- ‘making what she gave us mean something. to do what she didn’t get to.’ Well screw that cause she’s still gonna get to and alicias last years are gonna be for literally nothing

- ‘it’s not fair’

- SHES HOLDING A GUN TO HER OWN HESD AND CRYING AND SAYING SORRY THAT IS NOT IK LEAVE HER SKINE

- FLASHBACKS TO ALL HER FRIENDS STOP AND WHEN SHE WAS HAPPY

- IF SHE PULKS THE TRIGGER ISTG

- oop the bird pulled to the window so she’ll be fine it’s all g

- the madison flashbacks are unnecessary

- They’re undermining Alicia’s entire story because they’re bringing madison back instead and I hate it

- it they’re gonna do both they can do it in a way that brings both characters justice

- the reveal that it was alicia all along i wonder who called it oh yeah that’s right me 🙄

- THIS WHOLE EP HAS BEEN SO UNDERWHELMING AND POINTLESS I WOULDVE PREFFERED HER TO TURN IN HER SLEEP OR GO OUT ON THE BOATS WITH HER FRIENDS AND KNOW SHES DONE SOMETHING RIGHT

- the idea that she hasn’t lost her inner child didn’t involve needing an actual child it could just be her staying rational and sticking to her true values- literally the opposite of everything the writers have done

- i hate ftwd why are they doing this

- stop with the madison referenced we literally all know she’s coming back just give alicia a respectful ending omfg

- cut to them carrying her again

- wow called it again

- IF THATS THE END IM FUCKING MAD

- ok its not the end

- they’re not gonna tell us what she said why???? literally why is any of this happening??? none of the characters are getting development of closure??

- at least charlie saw a beach the single redeemable thing about this episode

- and alicia got thanked that’s good

- luciana wanting to go in the raft with her go bestie

- strand taking initiative and going as well that would have been such a better ending

- this episode has been so not-alicia and i genuinely hate it

- strand would knock her out and put her in the boat not just paddle the fuck away

- and now alicias final act is giving strand closure when she deserves the love

- ok she got 1 (ONE) teary smile and that was it

- her little wave is depressing asf but she adorable

- AND SHE FUCKING COLLAPSED WITH THE GUN IN HER HAND WHAT-

- the bird flying above her-

- she’s awake and not sweaty is this meant to be heaven? im confused

- drink that water gal

- no fever slay

- little alicia not a slay she can go away pls

- ok the bite marks gone and she’s safe now I didn’t need little alicia for that

- SHE COULD HAVE GONE ON THE BOATS WITH EVERYONE CAUSE SHES FINE AND SURVIVED THE BITE FUCK-

- DID THEY EVEN LEAVE HER A RAFT??

- ok got another smile which was stupid in the context but ill take it

- ‘I feel like myself’ yeah well the ftwd writers clearly haven’t been watching the past 6 seasons cause shes not acting like herself

- so they’re just gonna end with her walking off into the supposedly uninhabitable land and leave it like that??

- only good symbolic bit all ep was the very very end when she shot the walker with the last bullet she had saved for herself

- at least she’s not dead so I can make canon-compliment fix-it fics in my head

- pulled an althea not dead but potential chance to come back into the series even tho it will probably never happen???

- overall a pretty shit episode did even get close to the justice and farewell alicia deserves but at least she’s alive and alycia acknowledged how much love she had for the character and support she felt from the fans so there’s that I guess

- ftwd is dead to me but alicia will live on in my heart forever 🫶

[briefinquiries]

Luke Alvez x Reader: Thanksgiving Dinner

Description: You invite Luke home for Thanksgiving dinner. 

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: none

A/N: sorry i suck at updating! but here’s a fluffy thanksgiving fic.  i hate this holiday, but love luke so enjoy!!! (obviously this fic is pre Covid times, so keep ur distance and stay at home y’all)

“It’s just dinner, Luke! And my family really wants to meet you. Please?” You beg again, sitting up again to look into Luke’s eyes pleadingly. The two of you were cuddled up in Luke’s apartment watching a rerun of a show you’d already seen.  You had one of his throw blankets wrapped around you, but still shivered.  Luke always kept his apartment freezing.  Something to do with the fact that he was literally a human furnace.   

“Thanksgiving dinner is supposed to be a family thing,” Luke sighs. “I don’t want to impose.  Why can’t we just do dinner any other day?” He asks. You frown at him, and furrow your eyebrows, your signature sign of annoyance. 

You had only been dating Luke for about six months now, but Luke can read you like an open book.  He knows all of your little expressions and mannerisms.

“Because,” you groaned, like that’s the only explanation you need to give. Luke raises his eyebrows, so you continue.

“Because that’s the only time my whole family will be there and I want you to meet all of them,” you huffed, falling back against Luke’s headboard, a few inches between the two of you now. “I don’t understand why you won’t just come.” 

“Baby,” Luke chuckles, reaching over and pulling you back into his side, like you had been sitting just a moment ago. 

When your frown doesn’t go away, Luke sighs. “Okay.”

“Okay?” you ask. 

“Okay, I’ll do Thanksgiving.”

You smile smugly, and lean back into Luke’s side. “Thank you,” you murmured.  Luke gives your side a slight squeeze.

“You're lucky I like you so much,” Luke chuckles. 

...

Luke straightens his shirt in the mirror one more time, making sure his hair is intact and his shirt wasn’t too wrinkly. He really, really wants your family to like him, and if he doesn’t look perfect or say exactly the right thing, he knows he’ll blow it.

He’s gone with a dark blue button down, one of your favorites. He picked out his best pair of pants and even trimmed his beard so that it looked clean and presentable.

There’s a knock on the door as soon as he’s finished tucking his shirt into his pants, and he lets out a long breath before he goes to answer it. He checks his teeth in the mirror beside the coat closet before he opens the door, finding you waiting for him in the hallway.

You both just kind of stare at each other for a long moment.

You have on a white sweater and dark pants.  Your hair sits perfectly on top of your head in a big bun.

Luke breaks the silence first, reaching out to pull you into his chest.  He kisses you softly. “You look great,” he murmurs against your lips.

“So do you,” you whispered. “We’re gonna be late if we don’t get going now. Are you ready?” you asked, reaching for Luke’s hand when he nods. Luke allows you to lead him down the hall and to the elevator, and then out to his car.

The two of you pull up to your parents house an hour later, you’re quick to undo your seatbelt and climb out of the car. There are already several other cars in the driveway, and Luke tries to guess who might already be here as you walk him up to the front door.

There’s a wreath already hung on the door as you ring the doorbell. Luke squeezes your hand tight, making you turn around and look up at him in amusement.

“Are you nervous?” you ask, smirking.

Luke shrugs, “A little bit,” he says.

“They’re going to love you,” you assure him and then the door swings open. 

You whirl around, grinning at the little girl in the doorway. Luke recognizes her as one of your cousins from the countless pictures he’s been shown, but he isn’t sure which one she is.

“Hey bug,” you say excitedly, and the little girl jumps excitedly. She runs the few steps it takes to close the distance and jumps into your arms, hugging you tightly around your neck. Luke’s heart melts as he watches you twirl around the porch with her a bit, before putting her down and letting her run back inside. 

“That was Kate,” you tell him before taking his hand in yours.  Luke nods, already storing the information in his long term memory. 

You lead Luke inside, just in time to hear Kate announce to the whole house that you and your “cute boyfriend” were there.  Luke smiles at that and you look up at him with the widest crinkly-eyed grin, leading him around the corner to the kitchen.  

Luke was not prepared for the crowd of people gathered as soon as they turned the corner. 

There’s a male that looks just like you sitting on a stool at the bar, with a double version of himself sitting next to him.  Luke immediately recognizes them as your twin brothers.  He knew their names, but couldn't for the life of him, tell who was who.  Kate has found two other young kids, around the same age as her, and all three of them are clawing at the dress of a woman who Luke presumes is their mother.  

There’s an older woman stirring something in a pot on the stove, and another, younger woman sipping from a wine glass and holding a baby. In the attached living room three men sit on the couch, a football game on the flatscreen TV. 

Luke is a bit overwhelmed by the chaos of it all, but when you squeeze his hand a little bit tighter, he feels like he can breathe again.  You quietly start pointing out who is who before actually bringing him around the room.

He learns that your twin brothers were named Caleb and Elliot.  He also learns that Caleb has his hair parted down the middle of his head, whereas Elliot’s was just combed back.  

He learns that the woman stirring the pot on the stove was your mother, and the woman getting mauled by all the young kids was your Aunt Christine, and that her three kids were named Kate, Emily, and James. The woman nursing her glass of wine was your older sister, Caroline, and that the baby she was cradling was your three month old nephew.  Her husband was one of the three men sitting on the couch.  The other two being your uncle Mark and your grandfather.

“The one in the war?” 

You nod. 

Christine is the one that makes the obligatory new-comer to the family joke about there being a test later on who is who, and when your mother has finally put the turkey in the oven, she turns around to get a good look at Luke.

“So,” she begins, wiping her hands on a tea towel and untying her apron. “You’re the famous Luke that my baby talks endlessly about every time she calls home.” You throw her a look, one that clearly means stop- but Luke just laughs softly and squeezes your hand again.

“Yeah, that’s me,” Luke grins. 

“So Luke,” your sister pipes up. “What do you do?”

Luke hesitates.  His job was slightly unconventional, so he always just assumed you would have told them about it.  

“I work for the Bureau,” he states nonchalantly, but he notices the hush that falls over the room. 

“The FBI?” your sister asks. 

Luke bites his lip and nods. 

“Is that like the police?” one of the little kids asks. 

Luke nods, smiling, “Yeah, I work for the Behavioral Analysis Unit.”

There’s a blank silence- Luke interprets it as no one knows what the hell that meant. 

He clarifies.  

“I study criminal behavior to assist in investigations.”

The whole kitchen remains quiet. Luke feels his stomach drop, as he suddenly starts wondering if he said something wrong.  He notices you flinch, digging nails into the back of his hand until someone breaks the silence.

“Y/N,” says your grandfather from the couch, and everyone turns to look at him. “Is that boy a cop?”

“He’s not a cop,” you say. “He’s FBI.  There’s a difference.”

Luke turns to look at you, lips parted in surprise. Clearly he was missing something here, as the tension grew thicker. 

“You’re dating a cop?” He asks, standing right in front of the two of you now. 

Luke lets go of your hand and wipes it hastily on his pants. 

“He’s not a cop, he’s-”

“He’s a cop,” your grandfather sighs, he doesn’t seem mad, more disappointed. “After what your family has been through, I figured you’d know better.”

Luke looks between you and your grandfather uncomfortably before taking a step back towards the entryway of the kitchen. 

“I- uh-” Luke stammers.  “I didn’t mean to offend anyone-”

“You didn’t,” your mother pipes in finally.  “Dad- that’s enough.”

“Okay,” he says, putting his hands up in defense.  But the malice was still there.

Luke takes another step back.  “Maybe I should go- I don’t mean to impose.” He takes another few steps before turning around altogether. 

He hears you scoff harshly.  “Nice going.”

You chase after him, grabbing Luke’s hand and pull him straight out the front door. Luke stands off to the side of the yard, pinching harshly at his own nose.

You reach for Luke with an apologetic look on your face. Luke opens his mouth before you can, though, spitting out the words that are probably on everyone else’s mind right now.

“I should leave,” he says, taking a step back when you reach for him again. “They hate me. I knew I shouldn’t have come in the first place. I’ll call an Uber home, you can take the car.” he mutters, turning away and reaching into his pocket for his phone.

“Luke,” you argue, pulling his arm down. Luke groans, refusing to meet your gaze. 

“You’re not leaving,” you say. “They don’t hate you, not at all. They haven’t even gotten to know you yet, and they’re absolutely not going to hate you because of your job, of all things. My Grandfather is just a little crazy, but he’ll get over it, I swear,” you assure him.

“Why didn’t you tell them I was in the FBI in the first place, if you talk about me to your mom so much? Kind of a defining feature, I would think,” he grumbles, stepping back and crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Uh, it didn’t come up?” you offer. Luke rolls his eyes.

“Did it have to?” He asks, voice dripping with annoyance.

You finally sigh, rolling your eyes and running your hand through your hair. “Alright, my dad was a cop. Right here in Baltimore.  He died when I was thirteen. Shot in the line of duty. So we had to grow up without him. I didn’t tell them you were a cop because I knew that if I did my mom would wanna talk about my dad, and I didn’t want to talk about my dad.”

There’s a long, heavy silence before you sigh.  

“I’m sorry, I should’ve told her,” you admit, shoulders slumping slightly. “I didn’t think any of them would react like this. I guess it’s still a little raw.”

Luke takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, letting that all sink in. He can see why your family might be a little cautious. Because all that hurt that your family had to deal with must have really been awful.

“You never told me that.  I’m sorry that happened,” he says softly, reaching out to squeeze your hand. You look up at him hopefully, trying to lace your fingers together. 

“I promise, after like five minutes of getting to know you, they’re going to love you, just like I did, I promise.”

Your eyes widen at your sudden admission.  You look to Luke to see if he noticed your slip up.  His grin says it all.

“Love me, huh?” he asks slyly.  

You try to brush it off, but Luke’s not having it.  

He takes a step forward in the grass and gently touches your chin, he tilts it up so that you’re looking at him.  “I love you, too.” He says before pressing his soft lips to yours. 

When he pulls away, you bite back your smile.  “So you’ll try?” You ask. 

Luke nods his head and lets you tug him back inside the house.

“Luke,” your mother says softly and Luke freezes, looking up at her like a deer in the headlights. He can only imagine that she’s about to kindly ask him to leave.  “Oh, you poor thing, how rude you must think we are,” she says instead.  

Luke shakes his head.  “No ma’am,” he insists.  

“I’m not sure if Y/N has told you about her father, but he was a cop.  Sixteen years,” she stares off as if remembering him.  “He passed away in the line of duty. It was terrible- the kids having to grow up without their father.  And terrible for me to raise them without my husband.  I never wanted that for my kids.”

Luke’s chest tightens again. 

“But I’m so sorry about what my father said to you, and I want you to know that you are always welcome inside this house, because you obviously make my daughter very happy, and that makes me very happy,” she says, giving you a smile that looks so much like yours that it eases him just the same.

He releases the breath he was holding and lets himself smile, nodding quickly. “Thank you,” he says, giving your mother his most genuine smile.

“See? Told you she’d love you,” you say smugly.  

Luke chuckles softly.

During dinner, Luke works his charm and is able to wiggle his way into every family member's heart.  You marvel in awe as he’s able to carry on a conversation about football with your grandfather and uncle.  Luke knows a surprising amount about the Ravens- even though he’s a Patriots fan. After dinner, when they all gather in the living room to watch the game, Luke turns out to be as loud and passionate about football as the rest of the men, even with Kate seated on his thigh, because for some reason she will not let him put her down.

After dessert is over you and Luke finally start to say your goodbyes to everyone with promises to visit soon. 

By the time you get back to Luke’s apartment, you’re both too full and sleepy from the turkey to do much more than cuddle for a while.

“I told you my family would adore you,” you sigh.  “Even my grandfather warmed up to you by the end of the night. Everyone loves you. But I love you the most,” you say, clearly already drifting off to sleep.

Luke smiles to himself and presses a long kiss to the top of your head.

“I love you too,” he whispers softly, before letting himself drift off to sleep as well.

[harrysgoldenline]

can i get a harry one shot where you are really insecure about the whole album/ camille thing and u talk to sarah about it and ur crying and harry notices and comes over but u run away and sarah tells him everything and he comes to find you but you pretend like ur fine but he sees through it and he goes off on this lone speech about how much he loves you and how ur the only person he will ever love and u both are just happy it’s out and the open and a happy ending ?

OMG MY FIRST REQUEST!! YES OF COURSE! I REALLY REALLY REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE IT ! and if anyone else has any requests, send them my way!!! :)

——————————————————————————

My Muse

Y/N was distraught.

She loved Harry, his music, his career and could not be more proud of him, his success and who he has become.

Although, she was struggling.

This whole album has been about Harry discovering himself, who he is... but also about his ex-girlfriend Camille.

Y/N knew about Harry everything he went through after their relationship ended, he was struggling greatly. They met around half a year after the break up, but she could see Harry was still struggling. She could see how he would keep to himself around new people, especially out in public. He was quite and wouldn’t speak out much, very different then how their mutual friend, Sarah had always described him.

Sarah has always talked highly of him, being in his band they grew very close and she often got to see how he went through his different writing processes. She saw him before and after shows and she knew him before and after Camille. Something Y/N could not relate to.

As time passed, the two got together, forming what their friends called a power couple. Harry and Y/N were completely inseparable, growing closer and closer as each day passed.

Harry opened up to her a few months into the relationship, sitting her down and letting her know exactly what happened in the relationship and why it was so difficult for him when it ended. He told her that since it was a huge part of the album, he might have to talk about it a bit, without saying names of course but she knew that everyone else already knew who he was going to be talking about.

“It’s okay, Harry. I totally understand. Don’t worry about it.” She would always say, giving him a smile and a soft kiss onto his jawline.

Y/N wasn’t lying, she did understand why and she didn’t want him to worry about her, not now. Not when his second album is taking off, hitting the top of the charts in preorder alone.

She did enjoy the majority of interviews. Hearing him tell funny stories of the writing process, or always getting emotional as he opens up about finding himself, his true sound and how he doesn’t feel like he needs to hold back anymore. But interview after interview, it got harder. Hearing him talk about the love he felt and then the unbearable pain after it was gone. She felt inadequate. Wondering if nothing went wrong, where would she be? Would Harry still fall for her when Sarah introduced him like he said he did?

Although, Y/N never brought up these concerns to him. Especially after the album drop he was on top of the world, explaining how he has never felt happier and more free, but she couldn’t help thinking if he would be happier with her by his side instead.

“Y/N, are you alright?” A voice brings her out, looking up and seeing Sarah standing there at the door, offering her a soft smile.

“Oh hi! Yeah, I’m totally fine don’t worry about me.” She nodded, looking back at the monitor, watching Harry messing around on stage with Mitch after finishing up a soundcheck nearly a minute ago. They often liked to stay for a while, messing around on stage, this often gave Sarah and Y/N sometime to catch up as their boys hung out together.

“Are you sure, sweetheart?” She asked, eyebrows furrowing as she sat next to her on the couch, “Cmon (Y/N), you know you can trust me with anything.”

“How’d Harry do?” She asked, trying to ease in, hearing Harry strum in the background to Cherry, causing Y/N to bite her bottom lip.

“Good... was just a sound check. Everything running fine- seriously what’s going on?” Sarah insisted, interrupting herself.

“What was he like? With her?”

A silence fills the room until Sarah let’s out a sigh, muttering a soft ‘oh honey’ before scooting closer, arms going around her friend protectively. Sarah knew she was struggling, but with it being such a difficult subject, she didn’t want to pry too much. She wanted to wait until Y/N was ready to confide in her, but instead she bottled it up.

“Fuck, sorry I shouldn’t have asked thats... sorry it’s none of my business.” Y/N quickly says, forcing a laugh and wiping her eyes, standing up quickly and going to look for her purse.

“You have nothing to apologize for. I know how hard this has been for you.” Her friend agrees, standing and following her, “have you and Harry talked about it? Talked about how this has been for you?”

Y/N shook her head, biting her lip hard as her eyes were squeezed shut, knowing if she spoke a word she would break down, she had been holding it in for too long.

“Do you wanna talk about it with him?”

She shrugged at this, honestly not knowing the answer. If she did, she didn’t know if Harry would stop all together, making his album less authentic or If he would be upset she held it in, or even said anything about it at all. But she genuinely didn’t know if she could hold it in any longer.

“You can tell me.” Sarah nodded, hugging her tightly, “let it out.”

“It hurts” Y/N breaks, letting out a sob, “it seems like- like all he talks about is her! And I know he wrote this whole thing before we met and- do you think he still loves her?”

“Y/N, no.” She says, pulling her back and wiping the tears from her friends face, “I’ve seen this man before, during and after both of you, and I have never seen him this happy. Ever”

She shakes her head, not believing her. “It can’t be me. It’s the album, the success! He’s himself now, so that’s what’s making him happy. I didn’t help him- she did.”

“Y/N stop” Sarah demanded, grabbing her shoulders and moving her hair out of her face, “Harry is in love with you! I remember him coming to me, asking me for advice when you went out on your first date.”

She shakes her head, disbelief and doubt being pumped through her veins, “it just doesn’t make sense! Look at her and then look at me. Who would you choose?”

“You”

“Stop.” She argues, rolling her eyes, “she’s skinnier and prettier and older! She’s way older than me, way older than him. Is that what he wants? I’m younger than him, Sarah. Young enough where there’s a million articles about it.”

“You’re going to make yourself sick if you don’t calm down.” Sarah demands, “please? Just calm down and we can talk about this. What does your age have to do with anything? You’re so beautiful, Y/N.”

“No, I should stop. Mitch and Harry will be back any second.” She sniffles, looking at herself in the mirror and sighing, dabbing at the skin around her eyes to try and depuff them.

“You can’t hold this in.” Sarah whispers, hugging her friend again, “please? Talk to me?”

“I love him and it’s scary because I don’t know-“ Y/N begins but quickly stops, hearing her boyfriends loud laughter, soon getting louder as he opened the door.

Y/N shoots Sarah a sympathetic look, silently begging her to remain quiet and not say a word, which she nods, giving Mitch and Harry a smile as they walk in the door, each boy going to each of them.

“Hey babe!” Harry smirks, kissing her before pulling back, eyebrows furrowing together and he lowers his voice, “are you alright? You look like you’ve been crying.”

“I’m okay!” She smiles, “poked my eye when I was fixing my makeup. Anyways, what are you guys up to?”

“We were gonna go grab some food before the show! Where do you wanna go?” He asks, hands going around her waist.

“Oh I’m not hungry.” She quickly responds, “been feeling a bit off all day so I might stay behind. I wanna feel better for your show.”

Harry frowns, pulling her closer to him before leading her out of the lounge room, leaving Mitch and Sarah as they continue their own conversation. Harry leads her off to his private dressing room.

“What’s up?” He frowns, lifting his hand to her face and rubbing her cheek softly, “what happened?”

“Nothing, Harry.” She smiles, her heart growing at his concern. Yet, she knows she can’t tell him. Not now, hours before his mini Fine Line show in London. The last thing she wants to be is a distraction, “don’t worry about me, really! And I feel like I’ve been budging in too much, go bond with the band!”

“You’re not interrupting anything. I want you here.”

“I know and I appreciate that, really, love being around you and everybody.” She giggles, “but I’m not gonna be there the whole tour and I gotta get used to that.”

“I wish you could be.” He frowns, pulling her right against his chest, “always want you next to me.... or below me.”

“Harry!” She laughed, pulling back and playfully pushing him, “you’re crazy.”

“Crazy for you, my love.” He dopily smirks, kissing her, softly.

She giggled against his lips, pulling him closer for another, each kiss making her worries drift further and further away. Mind reeling as his hands fall down her waist, gripping her bum as he pushes her closer, his lips falling down to her neck.

“Hey man, Sar-“ Mitchs voice causing them to jump away from each other, the three of them turning red as he clears his throat, “Um- sorry. I was just saying that Sarah said she’s gonna take a nap before the show too so I think it’s just just gonna be us and the other guys.”

“Sounds good!” He smirks, feeling a bit smug after what Mitch just walked in on, he turns back to Y/N, tucking a hair behind her ear, “you can stay in here if you want, lock the door and take a nap or whatever you need. Nobody should bother you and I’ll be back before you know it. Okay?”

She nodded, thanking him before pressing a kiss to his lips, “I love you, Harry.”

“I love you more, babygirl.” He smiles, kissing the top of her head before waving goodbye, following Mitch out.

She sighs, falling back on the couch and closing her eyes, mind muddled with confusion. Moments like that make her feel so silly, wondering why she ever worried in the first place. She does trust Harry, she doesn’t worry about him going out to try and find someone else, but she always wonders if he prefers to be with her, just has Y/N because he doesn’t have that option anymore.

She can’t help but lay awake, spending many sleepless nights just comparing herself to her. Camille was beautiful, and nobody could deny that. She had such grace and Y/N felt like her French accent and demeanor made her much more interesting then her own plain American ways. She wonders if Harry wishes Y/N was older, rather than being multiple years younger. She wondered if it annoyed him, bothered him that she had a great lack of experience. Harry was all she’d ever known and all she wants forever.

But did he feel the same? Did he actually love her? Does he actually find her as beautiful as he said? She found it hard to believe, especially seeing all he has had in the past. It makes her feel guilty, guilty for feeling so upset and hurt by seeing and hearing about people he was with prior, even though they’d never met at the time.

The door swings open, startling her and causing her to jump and heart to pound as she prepared what she would say next to Sarah, but it wasn’t her, it was Harry.

“What? What are you doing here?” She rushes, clutching her chest to try and calm her racing heart, I thought you were going to get food? Did you forget something?”

“Yes.” He mumbles, sinking down onto the couch next to her and holding her face in his hands, “I forgot to tell you how important you are to me. More than any album, place on the charts, anything.”

“W-what? Where is this coming from, Bubs?”

“Sarah told me what you said to her.” He frowns, eyes sparkling, “and I’m the biggest fucking arsehole I didn’t stop to talk to you about it once. To stop and actually ask you about it.”

“Harry, really, I’m just being-“

“Y/N listen, you are the best thing to ever happen to me. You’re my person. You’re it for me.” He whispers, leaning his forehead against her, tears forming in her eyes as she’s filled with so many emotions, “you gotta believe me, lovie.”

“I love you, Harry.” She sniffles, “I believe you, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong. This is all my fault. I should’ve talked to you more, I didn’t even think about how hard this would be for you, I’m so sorry.” He rambles, “you are the love of my life Y/N. Yes, I was in love before but this? With you? It’s so strong and real and terrifying. I’ve never felt this before. I want to be with you. Forever. Nobody else. And I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am to not have made that clear.”

“I should’ve told you from the beginning how I felt.” She admits, “I don’t want you to stop talking about it in interviews if that’s what you want to say, you should say it. It’s just really hard to hear you talk about her all the time.”

“I’m sorry my love. I don’t deserve you, don’t deserve your support.” He whispers, kissing her hands, “I am so beyond lucky to have you. You are the most beautiful, kind, considerate woman in the whole world. I don’t know how I got you.”

“Stop it.” She blushes, bringing her hands away from his lips and up to his face, shaking her head in disbelief, wondering how he even existed, “you are truly the most perfect man.”

“Now you stop.” He chuckles, cheeks turning pink, “I’m praising you here... really though love. You are my muse. I have millions of songs written about you.”

“Really?” She whispers, eyes wide, “you’re not just saying that?”

“What do you think Mitch and I are doing all the time?” He laughs, “we make Sarah go because we know she’d tell!”

“Well you’re right, because she told you what I said after I told her not too.” She blushes, looking down at her lap.

“Oh stop that you know she did the right thing.” He laughs, dragging her a bit closer to him so her legs lay over his lap, “Honestly, I was scared to show you them, thought I was open before wait till you hear these.”

“Can I? Can I hear them? Please?”

“I guess since you have good manners.” He smirks, pulling her on top of him. She giggles and he pulls her onto his lap, “you can hear ‘em all. Don’t know what I was waiting for... guess I was just scared?”

“Of what, Bubby?” She frowns, arms resting around his shoulders as she looks up at him.

“I don’t know... I just... I know you’re the one, so it’s kinda scary I guess...not knowing if you feel the same.”

“I do.” She squeaks, “I love you so much- wanna be with you forever.”

“Yeah?” He smirks, squeezing her hips tight causing her to squeal, falling into him, “I’ve been yours since the day we met. You inspire me, Y/N. You are my muse. I’d choose you over anyone. You are my priority.”

He leans in, kissing her softly, almost as if he was afraid of breaking her in two. His lips fell to her neck, sucking on her favorite spot and her grip tightened on him, head falling to the side a bit and she lets out a soft whimper.

“Harry, please...” she squeaked, hips pressing down into him involuntarily.

“I’m gonna take care of you.” He whispers lowly, pulling up the bottom of her dress and over her head, “gonna take care of you until the day I die, my love.”

[wowweeharrystyles]

Part 9 | The Jumpsuit, Falling & (more) Ripped Trousers | 6.1k words

Sequins & Zippers’ Summary: An internship with Harry Lambert transformed into a job of a lifetime - Aurora Del Gatto finds herself touring the world with the one & only Harry Styles as his ‘Head of Wardrobe.’ Aurora is nothing but nerves & excitement as she packs her bags & almost 100 custom designer suits that belong to an unbelievably kind rockstar. She never thought she’d fall in love on top of it all.

Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

Masterlist

a/n: I hope y’all are doing what you need to during this crazy time. All the love to you all !!! 💕also...a little bit of niall in this part... go stream HBW !!! 

The loud knock on the door causes Harry and Aurora to jump and scramble to sit up on the couch. 

“Heard there’s a curly headed boy in here!” 

A once blonde, now brunette head pops into the doorway. If the irish accent wasn’t enough to give away who it was, his face surely does. Aurora messes with her hair and Harry wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, trying their best to compose themselves. They had made their way back to Harry’s dressing room from the empty arena before Harry was to be pulled away for training, soundcheck and all the usual pre show prep. One thing led to another and the episode of Friends Aurora had pressed play on was long forgotten. 

“Niall!” Harry exclaims, jumping off the couch. He hugs his old friend as Aurora is frozen on the couch. Harry hadn’t even mentioned the possibility of Niall coming to the show tonight. It didn’t even cross Aurora’s mind that in Dublin (duh), that Niall might be in attendance. A deer in headlights describes Aurora best at this moment. “Haven’t seen ‘ur hair this messy in ages! Who do you have here with you?” Niall jokes, his laugh filling the space. When Harry steps out of the doorway to invite Niall in, he fixes his hair and Niall’s laughter stops. Niall lets out a surprised “Oh,” with a small laugh. 

“Uh, Niall, this is Ror- uh, Aurora,” he corrects himself, a dopey smile forming on his face.

“Lovely to meet you, Aurora,” Niall offers a hand out to her. 

“Wasn’t how I was intending to introduce the 2 of you, but here we are,” Harry adds. 

“Uh, great to meet you as well, Niall,” Aurora says as she stands up. She shakes his hand. “Harry, you could’ve said he was coming,” Aurora comments directly to Harry. 

“It wasn’t for sure yet and I kind of wanted it to be a surprise,” Harry tells Aurora. 

“A surprise?” Niall questions. “For Aurora?” He continues to question as he gestures to Aurora, a small look of confusion on his face. 

“Ugg,” Aurora groans, to no one in particular, “Harry, please don’t.” 

“Hey, if you’re going to rub in my face that you were once a ‘Niall girl’,” he uses air quotes to pester her more, “then I’m going to have some fun with it.” Niall’s laugh echoes off the walls of the dressing room. 

“I’m gonna need more of a story behind this,” Niall says through bouts of laughter. 

Aurora groans again, rolling her eyes at Harry before turning back to Niall. “Wish we could've had this conversation over some drinks, but here we are.” 

“We could get drinks right now, I know where the bar is,” Niall adds. 

“I’m technically working… so drinking is a no,” 

“But making out on the couch is fine?” Harry asks through a chuckle, Niall’s laugh joins in. 

“Oh god, the 2 of you together is really gonna be like this huh?” 

“Like what?” Harry asks. 

“You 2 picking on me and just overall, chaotic.” The 2 former bandmates shrug their shoulders when they make eye contact. 

“Anyways,” Niall circles back to the original request, “I need the story. Correct me if I’m wrong, but did Harry say ‘Niall girl’?” 

“He sure did. I made the mistake to share that I once had One Direction posters on my wall growing up. Definitely pumped Harry’s ego a bit and I had to bring it down by informing him that I was a quote unquote a Niall Girl back then.” Aurora sighs and then laughs at the face Niall is making at Harry. “Ni, you don’t have a chance anymore, so stop even entertaining the thought in your head,” Harry says as he tosses an arm around Aurora’s shoulders. 

“How much does it kill you that she had posters of me in her room?” Niall asks Harry. 

“Don’t wanna talk about it,” Harry states with a straight face. 

“Can we not talk about any of this anymore?” Aurora questions, her cheeks flushed from embarrassment still. Both Harry and Niall’s laughter fill the room once again and Aurora can’t help but smile at the 2 old friends. 

Harry ushers them both to the empty couch and chairs to sit back down. Niall opts for the chair after grabbing a sparkling water from the fridge under the vanity counter. Niall seems carefree and comfortable. Harry doesn’t talk much about being in the band or the other guys much. It’s not that he avoids it at all costs. If it comes up he’ll talk but he doesn’t volunteer the conversation himself. Aurora does know that he keeps in touch with Niall the most. She had caught him giggling at something on his phone recently and when she asked what it was all he said was that Niall sent him a joke. 

“I’ve seen the suits you’ve got our boy Harold in, they’re incredible, really,” Niall comments to Aurora. 

“Oh, yeah, I only helped pick some of them out, thanks though,” Aurora says shyly. 

“Don’t do that,” Harry interrupts. “You’ve done more than that.” Aurora only blushes slightly and shakes her head. 

“Getting him in clothes is the hardest part, honestly,” Niall comments. 

“Why does everyone say that?” Aurora questions. “Gemma made the same comment and Lambert alluded to it as well.” 

“Harry over here was barely dressed half the time and would put up a fight when he was told to put pants or a shirt on for anything. Quite a show off back in the day,” Niall shares. 

Aurora laughs, “Well, I haven’t had much trouble.” 

“Think there’s something more in it for him when he listens,” Niall says. 

Harry rolls his eyes at Niall. An alarm rings from Harry’s phone. 

“I’ve gotta head to sound check, wanna come with, Ni?” Harry asks as he stands up. Niall agrees to join and the 2 boys stand up to leave.

“Have a good sound check,” Aurora says before pressing a kiss to his lips quickly. “Niall, seriously it was great meeting you. I’m assuming you’re staying for the show?” He nods, “Great, I’ll see you later then.” 

“Great to meet you too. See you later, Aurora,” Niall says, his blue eyes bright and his irish accent strong. 

| | | | |

Harry’s dressing room becomes a common room tonight and by the time Harry has to get ready, his whole band is in here. Niall’s tagged along with Harry since he got here earlier and Aurora has enjoyed the commotion for once. Niall is sharing a story about one of the many shows they had done together when Aurora finishes prepping Harry’s jumpsuit for the show. She joins Sarah on the couch while waiting for Harry to be done with Ayae. 

“He falls flat on his arse,” Niall continues telling the story. “In front of a sold out arena. No idea what he even tripped on or anything, to this day.” 

“Hey!” Harry interrupts. “There was a loose flap on the stage!” He defends. 

“Buddy, I really don’t think there was, but keep telling people that if it makes you feel better.” Harry rolls his eyes at Niall. 

“Ror, I’m ready!” Harry says as he walks towards the wardrobe cases. Aurora gets off the couch to help get him into the jumpsuit. 

“Hey, Mully just messaged saying he was here,” Niall says to Harry. “I’m gonna go find him.” Harry and Niall hug for a moment, a few pats on the back, Niall wishing him good luck. Aurora smiles at the two. No love was lost between them. Though Aurora doesn’t know everything about what that time was like, she's grateful that behind all the rumors and drama Harry and Niall still get along like they did when they first met on the X Factor. She’s most grateful for the fact that Harry has someone who understands it all. Someone who can relate to him and someone to share those memories with. She’s supportive and understands what she can but she wasn’t there. 

Harry’s band, Ayae and Helene follow Niall out the door leaving Aurora and Harry alone, just as it happens every night. 

“Okay, here ya go,” Aurora says as she hands off the jump suit to Harry. He steps into the jumpsuit and pulls the sleeves up on his shoulders. He lets out a grunt when he goes to button it close. “What?” Aurora asks with a look of worry on her face. 

“Uhm, fits a bit tighter than it did last,” Harry says slowly. 

“Oh no…. Can you close it?” 

“I mean, yeah, I think it’ll be fine, just not as roomy as it was for the Late Late Show.” Harry fastens the buttons up the front and adjusts the fabric in a few spots before he looks up to Aurora. 

“Turn around for me,” she directs to inspect that it’s still okay to perform in. As he turns around Aurora’s jaw drops, “Oh.” The jumpsuit certainly fits tighter than it did last. “Uh, is it comfortable?” She stutters out. 

“Uh yeah,” Harry moves around a bit. “Does it look okay?” 

“Honest?” 

“Well, yeah,” Harry says, slightly confused.

“So uh, it definitely fits tighter… but it looks really good.” It’s all that Aurora can say. Her brain actually cannot form anymore full sentences. It’s not that the jump suit looked bad when he wore it for the Kiwi performance on the Late Late Show almost a year ago, it’s just that it looks better than it did. Harry turns to Aurora to try to figure out what she’s thinking. 

“What?” Harry asks when Aurora’s face is unreadable. He chuckles a little when her cheeks turn a light shade of pink under his gaze. 

“Well your ass looks great.”

“Rory!” Harry yells, almost startled by the comment coming from her. 

“What?! It’s the truth!” She says with a short laugh. “Let’s just say all those training sessions are doing their job.” Harry shakes his head, a small huff coming out of his mouth before a dimple inducing smile covers his face. He’s drawn towards Aurora and the look in her eyes. He can’t put his finger on it. When he gets his hands around her waist, instinctively he pulls her as close as she can get to him. Her hands grab on his shoulders and then slide down to his biceps. She lets out a small giggle as Harry presses his face into her neck, his lips landing on the soft skin below her ear. Aurora moves her hands to his chest to push him away from her to get him to stop tickling her neck with the soft touch of his lips. Pressing up to her toes, she kisses him square on the lips quickly before she pulls away from his hold. “Just don’t stop training.”

She pretends like nothing has happened and goes to grab Harry’s socks and shoes. She openly watches him as he puts them on. She follows him into the large, echoey bathroom as she always does. Hopping onto the counter she watches as he goes through his routine. 

“So what’d you think of Niall?” Harry asks curiously, his face reads a hint of caution but also approval. Being the one member he has stayed in contact with the most, he’s hoping she likes him as much as he does. He’s also nervous. He’d be lying if he said the image of Aurora’s childhood bedroom with Niall’s face plastered on the walls wasn’t haunting his mind. 

Aurora can see his brain churning as he asks the question and she smiles a little at the almost nervous look that is now on his face. “Crazy to meet him if I’m honest,” she shrugs. She sees Harry take a deep breath, his shoulders rising but not falling when he breathes out a shallow breath. “I’m glad you’ve kept in contact with him.” Aurora’s trying to direct the conversation to be about Niall and Harry not Niall and Aurora. She can tell he’s thinking too much. “Harry?” He hums at her as he finishes brushing his teeth. “You know, even though I had posters of Niall on my walls, I did take them down a long time ago. My mom found them in the back of my closet and they were there for a reason.” She sighs. He thinks too much and there’s reasons he thinks too much. She just doesn’t know why yet, but that conversation is for another day. “Babe,” at the pet name, Harry looks at her, “Niall wasn’t the one who took care of me when I burned my arm with a steamer. He doesn’t bring me coffee exactly how I like it or flirt with me by getting me new sneakers,” she laughs lightly. “He doesn’t make me laugh on a daily basis or know exactly when I could use a hug.” Now Aurora has hopped off the counter and is standing next to Harry, looking at him in the mirror. “He’s not you. He never will be no matter what. I may have had posters of him on my walls 4 years ago but that doesn’t matter anymore.” Aurora turns to face Harry and he follows her movement so they’re face to face now. She tucks a rogue curl back into place before continuing. “You’re all that matters, okay? I’m here, with you, yeah? Please stop thinking so much,” she pleads. Harry nods minutely. A small smile appears on his face, the cliche twinkle is back in his eye and he uses one hand to pull Aurora’s face to his, kissing her softly. 

“You know I get in my head a lot,” Harry says quietly when they pull apart from each other. Aurora offers a small smile and sighs at him. 

“I know, but you need to talk to me about it. Tell me when something isn’t sitting right, tell me anything. I can read you pretty well but I can only do so much.” 

“Promise I’ll work on it as long as you promise me you’re a Harry girl now,” he mocks. Aurora groans as she pulls away from his hold.

“You know, you’re really good at ruining the moment?” She jokes as she walks back to the main part of the dressing room. 

“You can’t deny you don’t adore it!” Harry yells back. She laughs and it echoes through both rooms and it makes Harry smile. 

Aurora turns around when she hears him walk back through the door. There’s still a ghost of a smile on his face when he looks at her. She huffs, unable to form a thought when she goes to give the last look on his jumpsuit.

“What?” Harry questions, a sparkle in his eye. 

“Nothing,” she brushes her thoughts away. Harry raises an eyebrow at her in question. “You look really good,” she admits with a shrug before turning away from him. She starts to pick up a few things to put away but Harry is quick to grab her waist and turn her around. She only sees the smile that’s covered his face for a moment before his lips are on hers. 

| | | | |

Everyone has been spending the extra days off at the hotel’s private pool. They nap and read and just enjoy the time off. Harry and Aurora are sitting on a cushion covered wooden sectional that sits in the corner of the pool area covered by large yellow and white umbrellas. Regardless of the heat, Aurora snuggled into Harry’s side, his feet crossed at the ankle, propped up on the bench in front of them and his arm around her shoulders. He has one of his woven fedoras on and sunglasses covering his eyes. Aurora traces over the butterfly tattoo on his stomach, idly as he hums and rests his head on top of hers. 

“This is nice,” he repeats for the hundredth time this afternoon. Aurora giggles in response. Harry turns his head and places a soft kiss to her hair. Harry starts humming again. 

“Is that a new one?” Aurora asks. 

“Ahhh not yet, just a little melody that’s been stuck in my head.” 

“Are you writing for the next album?” She asks as she reaches for his cross necklace. Aurora fiddles with it between her thumb and pointer finger. 

“Not purposefully. I’ll write whatever comes to me or record a voice note or something so I can use it later if I want. But not really thinking about the next album yet. I want to enjoy the tour and the first album more before I get into the next ” he shares, looking down at her. 

“That makes sense. It seemed like it was always a quick turnaround for the band. Must be nice to enjoy it all and not have to think about the next thing when you’ve just started the first thing. ” She drops the necklace and her hand slides up the side of his neck and stops at his jawline. Aurora’s fingers trace lightly over the harshness of it.

“Yeah it’s been nice, more enjoyable” he smiles down at her. “Not that it wasn’t enjoyable-” 

“Don’t have to explain yourself, I understand what you’re saying.” Aurora’s fingers don’t leave his jawline, only grip it harder to bring his face down to hers. His breath fans out across her face before his lips land on hers. She smiles when he pulls away for a brief moment. He mirrors her smile before going in to kiss her again. Between their smiles and the small giggles coming from both of them, they barely can connect their lips. 

It’s when they’re laying in the same spot later, cold margaritas on the table nearby, the sun setting off in the distance when Aurora gets a glimpse of Harry that makes her heart swell. His face is soft as he enjoys the view. A tint of red covers the top of his cheeks and nose, the sun having made a mark. Everything feels so normal, so mundane. Three full days spent in the Australian sun has only made Aurora’s heart grow fonder of the curly headed boy that she’s tucked into. With nothing to do but enjoy each other’s company, laugh with their friends and soak up the sun, she’s had a lot of time to think about everything. She’s thought about how thankful she is that this is her life, that while working, this is the break she gets to take, that her job is to dress the man she’s falling in love with. She’s thought about that last part a lot. She’s not sure she’s falling in love with him so much as already fallen in love with him. She’s there. She fell and she fell hard and she’s there. She’s fallen so hard that a small glimpse of him in the light of the sunset is enough to make her want to give her whole self to him. 

Aurora thinks about it the whole way back to the hotel room. Harry even asks why she’s so quiet. When she responds with “just thinking” he doesn’t stop the questioning there. 

“Ror,” he whispers. 

“What? You’re the only one who can think too much?” Aurora jokes as they walk into the elevator.

Harry sighs as a small smile ghosts his face, “what’re you thinking about, love?” 

“Uhm, can I tell you once I’ve figured it out?” 

Harry angles his body towards her so he can see her face completely. He pulls her closer to him with the hand that is at her waist. He kisses the top of her cheek then her temple. “Sure,” he says quietly, “just don’t go making up stories in that pretty little head of yours, okay?” Aurora nods. 

Once they get back to the hotel room both of them take their turns to shower and get ready for bed. Aurora’s sitting on the bed, Harry’s rolling stone tshirt on and scrolling through her phone when Harry walks out of the bathroom. 

“Did you call your mum?” he asks. Aurora mentioned that she wanted to when he hopped into the shower. 

“Mom was asleep, but I called Leila,” Aurora explains. 

“How is your sister?” He asks as he wrings out his hair with the towel one last time, tossing it back in the bathroom. 

“Good…” she answers broadly, not totally focused on the conversation. 

“Ror, you’re still thinking hard about something.” 

“Yeah, no, I know. Promise I’m fine. Leila helped a bit.” Harry gives her a questioning look as he sits down on the bed with her. “I’m still trying to work it out in my head, okay?” He nods slowly at her. “We’re fine. I promise we are. Nothing to worry about,” she explains as she reaches for him. She’s endeared by the caring look in his eyes. He looks rested and calm and his skin has tanned a bit.

She pulls him into her rather than finding her spot tucked into his side. His hair is still damp and she knows if she touches it too much it’ll go all frizzy. So instead, she smoothes it down so it doesn’t tickle her neck too much. He willingly wraps his arms around her torso, his legs automatically finding her bare ones underneath the sheets and weaving with them. Subconsciously she starts to trace the ink that litters his arm. 

“Ready for the show tomorrow?” Aurora asks after some silence. 

“Yeah,” he answers slowly. 

“Is it hard to go back to touringn after a small break?” She asks, curious. She always hated going back to school or work after long weekends or short trips. His job is different but it’s work, all the same. 

“Uhm, it normally is a bit hard yeah, but feels a bit different now, this time.” 

“What’d you mean by that?” 

“It’s all a bit different now, used to be such a routine, go home for a few days or family and friends would come to me when I had a few days. It was always so hard when they left and I had to get back to work. Not that-”

“Not that you didn’t enjoy it,” Aurora finishes for him. 

“I say that a lot, huh?” 

“Don’t need to explain it to me, remember? I understand.” Harry sighs at Aurora’s words and lets his hand that's sitting on her hip find the hem of his t-shirt she’s wearing and slid underneath. He gives the skin at her hip a light squeeze before he lets the heat from his hand radiate on the skin there and rub circles into her flesh haphazardly. 

“Right, well it was hard then cause I’d have to say goodbye and it was always for an unknown amount of time. I should’ve been going back to work well rested but I would stay up for hours in the night dreading having to leave or them leaving me.” Harry stops his movements and wraps his arms around Aurora tighter, his face burying itself in Aurora’s neck and breathing in the smell of her shampoo. He pulls his head away only for a moment to share the rest of his explanation. “But it’s different now because it’s my tour and it isn’t how it used to be and I’ve got you with me. And as long as you’re not planning on going anywhere I don't’ have to dread going back to work cause you’ll be there too.” 

| | | | |

Aurora decides to watch from the mix tonight in Melbourne and by the time Harry makes his way to the Bstage she doesn’t regret the choice at all. Harry can spot her any night, but tonight is different. He catches a glimpse of her as he walks up the metal stairs, Mitch following not far behind. She still has on the black and white floral jacket. The one he wore years ago. The one he gave her, while sitting on the very stage he’s walking up. Only the stage was in an arena in a different continent. His smile mocked the glimmer of the gold foil on his suit and shined right up until the moment he focused on the next song. 

“One, two, three, four,” he almost whispers into the mic. Mitch starts to play the guitar and Aurora’s heart swells when Harry starts singing ‘Sweet Creature.’ 

If anyone would ask Aurora what her favourite song of Harry’s is she’d probably end up listing the whole album. Right now though, her favourite is ‘Sweet Creature.’ If it were actually possible, his vocals would melt her heart into nothing. There’s something about it stripped down like this, it’s the most similar to how he sings when he’s on his own, when he’s with Aurora. It's the most similar to how he sounds when he’s in the shower or when he’s getting ready in the mornings. He’ll sing his current and old favourites and sometimes mess around with the melody of some of his own. 

“You will bring me home,” he belts. “Sweet creature, sweet creature, when I run out of road,” he sings with his eyes closed, full heart and soul poured into each note. He lets the audience sing the next line. As Mitch’s guitar fills the speakers on its own and the audience screams louder, Aurora can tell Harry is trying to avoid turning in her direction but he can’t fight it. He turns his head to where she’s standing. She watches as his jaw softens. His eyes search the small section he knows Aurora’s standing in. When he finds her, a smile appears on his face. A dimple and the crinkles at his eyes follow the turn of his lips. His eyes twinkle. Maybe from the lights. Maybe it’s the result of the emotion of the song. Maybe it’s because he’s just seen the girl he’s in love with, singing along to his own song, in his old jacket with a look on her face that could be described as nothing short of absolute adoration. 

He doesn’t linger long. He knows that he can’t stare at her from the stage forever and his cue is coming soon for the last line of the song. 

“You will bring me home,” his voice sounds through the speakers, deep and clear. It rattles Aurora’s chest a bit. 

Harry thanks Mitch and grabs his own guitar, now solo on the small stage. Even though Aurora can’t pick one favourite from Harry’s album she could give you at least her top 5 favourite One Direction songs. ‘If I Could Fly’ is without a doubt in the top 5. Aurora does think Harry’s version on his own is the best version of it. Every night she’s thoroughly entertained when Harry tries to quiet the audience before he asks them to sing the chorus for him. She can’t help but take on the smile that appears on his face when the entire audience is singing, in unison, the song he poured his heart into years ago. 

As the song comes to an end and the opening of ‘Anna’ begins, Aurora’s eyes follow Harry as he walks down the stairs and back up the path that is littered with flowers and sparkles and signs and fans yelling his name. She sees the pile of flowers that sit on top of a crate at the edge of the mix near the bstage stairs and smiles. She can’t help but think how lucky she is to be standing here, wearing the Gucci jacket of dreams, getting to dress the rockstar that has just tossed his planet painted guitar over his chest and falling in love with him all at the same time. 

| | | | |

The golden Calvin Klein suit is the last Aurora can take, she thinks. He screams sunshine in this. Just like that day in Amsterdam - so many things go back to that day in Amsterdam - the bright golden colour of the suit has the same effect that the yellow t-shirt did. 

Aurora's tucked up in the corner of the couch in Harry’s dressing room. Harry is sitting in the chair in front of the vanity mirror, Ayae fixing his curls after Harry messed them up a few minutes ago. She can’t stop catching his eyes in the mirror and they both laugh quietly each time. When his hair is back in place and Harry thanks Ayae, he walks to where Aurora is on the couch. He raises an eyebrow up at her. 

“You know,” Aurora starts, “there’s this thing,” she laughs nervously. “I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s gonna sound crazy, but you’re-you’re like,” she pauses before continuing, “sunshine. My own personal sunshine.” Harry tries to hide a smile as he places his hand on top of Aurora’s that is resting on her knee. He bends down and presses a kiss to the top of Aurora’s head. 

“Don’t sound crazy to me, love. If I look like sunshine to you, then I'm your sunshine.” 

Aurora pulls her hand out from underneath Harry's and grabs his face with both of them. She locks eyes with him for a short moment before pulling him down for a kiss. 

| | | | |

Aurora and Helene are laughing while looking through the photos Helene took during the show tonight in Sydney. Some of the photos of Harry are quite entertaining to say the least. 

“This one!” Aurora yells when Helene clicks to the next photo. “You have to post this one.” Helene laughs at Aurora’s eagerness. “It’s perfect.” 

“Oh is it?” Helene pesters. 

“His hair looks incredible. The lighting is perfect,” Aurora compliments. “And- and,” she stutters out, “he looks like sunshine.” 

“You’re really in love with him, huh?” Helene asks with a newly serious tone. Aurora smiles at her before sighing. 

“I mean, yeah,” she shrugs as if it’s not that scary. As if being in love with the world's biggest pop star isn’t something to be scared of. Like it’s not this terrifying idea, cause it’s not. At least not right at this moment. 

He’s her sunshine and she’s in love. 

| | | | |

“Do not tell me that was the sound of something ripping!” Aurora yells from across the large backstage space in Brisbane. She doesn’t dare to turn around to see the chaos that is happening surrounding the ping pong tables. She takes a deep breath as silence fills the room. Silence apart from Harry's laugh, that is. 

“Oh, Rory,” Harry calls through fits of laughter. 

When Aurora turns around her jaw drops and she has to force herself to take a deep breath so she doesn’t yell. 

“15 minutes!” calls the stage manager. Aurora’s heart sinks before it starts to beat rapidly. 

“Fucking hell,” she whispers to herself. “Take them off, I gotta fix ‘em,” she tells Harry as she reaches into her bag to find a needle and black thread. 

“I’ll just put a different pair on. It’s fine,” Harry says as he walks towards Aurora. 

“It’s not fine Harry. I’d have to steam another pair of pants, which will take more time than we have and anyways, we don’t have any other options. We only packed what was needed for the Australia shows.” Aurora is frustrated. 15 minutes before the show? Really?

“Oh,” is all Harry lets out as he slips out of the ripped pants. 

“You just had to be doing trick shots right before the show, huh?” Aurora half laughs, half scolds as she sits down to stitch the rip up the inside of the leg of his pants. 

“Sorry, Ror,” he offers as he begins to watch her get to work but his name is called back at the ping pong tables and he runs back to his game. 

“Should probably put your shirt and jacket on at least!” Aurora calls after him, not looking up. “Won’t have a minute to spare once they're finished!” She doesn’t look up, too focused on the work at hand. It’s not till she hears the band and stage crew cheer not 2 minutes later that she looks up. 

Harry’s standing at one end of the ping pong table with only his boxers and tall black socks on, a look of pride covering his face. The paddle outstretched in one hand and he’s taking in the cheers as he does on stage. 

Now Aurora’s angry. Here she is doing her job, trying to fix the pants Harry has ripped almost the entire length of while Harry is off, still playing around, now 10 minutes till the show is supposed to begin. 

“Rory!” he sings. “How’s my girl doing over here?” 

“Not your girl right now,” she says shortly. She doesn’t look up to him. She just keeps focusing on weaving the thread in and out of the black fabric. She does see his feet stop in its place, just at the edge of her range of sight. Backstage begins to quiet down a bit. 

Harry’s band gathers at the stage door ready to go when they're told to do so. There’s murmurs from the stage crew as they get everything ready. Aurora takes a deep breath to try and calm the shakiness in her hands. 

“Ror, why’re you shaking?” Harry whispers. Aurora hears the click of Helene’s camera. 

“Trying to fix your pants, less than 10 minutes till the show,” she answers quickly. 

“I can go on stage late, it’s fine. Take your time, love.” 

“Harry, please, I’m not your girl right now, I'm not ‘love’, I’m trying to do my job. Just let me fix these, I’ll call you when they’re ready. Now, go put on your tank and jacket, please.” Aurora isn’t messing around and Harry’s figured that out now.

“Yeah, okay,” he says solemnly. “Pushing start time by 10 minutes!” the stage manager announces instead of giving the 5 minute warning. “Officially, 15 minutes till new start time!

Although Aurora is angry with Harry for ripping his pants in the first place and now pushing back the show to accommodate her she relaxes a bit and her hands calm down. 

A few minute pass and when she knots the final stitch she calls for Harry. Standing up from her spot she turns the pants right side out. When she finally looks away from the pants she sees Harry standing in front of her, the top half of his body much more covered than the bottom half. 

“Thank you” he whispers to Aurora as he takes his pants from her. “I’m sorry,” he says as he buttons them close. When she meets his eyes she can’t help but smile softly at him. She sighs heavily, weaving the needle that’s still in her hand on the shoulder of her shirt, just like her mom always does. 

“Out of all the suits to rip before the show it was the simple black Givency one. Really?” Aurora messes with the collar of his jacket quickly, pulling it so it sits evenly on his shoulders. “Gotta respect me when I’m working okay? I’m here to be your ‘Head of Wardrobe’ first.” Harry nods, understanding. “I know the line is blurry, but when I’m trying to fix your clothes in a timely manner and you’re acting like a spoiled rockstar, you gotta check yourself. I’ll be your girlfriend after the show and we can laugh about how you ripped the entire inside seam of your pants then. Right now, though, I’m annoyed and a little angry. You shouldn’t have been playing ping pong like that in your suit in the first place, but I am not your mother, so, yeah.” Aurora shakes her head. 

“I’m sorry,” Harry offers again. 

“Thank you, but it’s fine. We’ll figure this out eventually,’ Aurora shrugs. “You’re all set. Good luck,” she says as she pushes him towards the stage door. 

“Be my girl for a minute?” Aurora’s eyebrows furrow at the question. “Just want a good luck kiss,” he explains.

“Hasn’t stopped you before,” Aurora says challengingly. 

“You’re not making the line any clearer,” he challenges back. 

“Shut up and let me kiss you,” Aurora states as she grabs his face in both of her hands. His hands find a grip on her waist before dipping his head down and meeting their lips lightly. He lets one hand drop, the other smoothing around her waist so he can hold her whole body with the one. He presses another kiss to her lips before he pulls away. He grabs her waist tightly once more and presses a kiss to her cheek. 

She watches as the sound manager sets up his in-ear and weaves it through the back of his jacket. Harry adjusts the cords and the piece in his ear quickly and spares a last look at Aurora who’s standing where he left her, arms now crossed against her chest, smiling back at him. He mirrors her bright smile for a quick moment before turning around and disappearing through the doors.

[charmed-asylum]

👨‍🍳# FOODIE👨‍🍳

#Foodie, Part 2

Summary: Something happening in Easter Hills. Something that effecting everyone under the surface. Could this just be a phase a trick that no one can shack off? Is this something that will pass with another or can we all be heading for destruction

Declaimer: #Foodie has some curse words, blood, making out, and maybe a dead body or 2??. Also, I do have dyslexia who happens to do her own proof reading so be easy with me!!!

A/N:So who would think after doing a love story I go be switching it up to some sci-fi. Let me know what you think or want to be added to the taglist. Or simple to sit my butt down and stop with the dramatics xoxo Tia

MASTER LIST // Previous Chapter (1) 

Tagged: @weapinggwillowss​ @kittykatlow​ @alagalaska @deansblackbeauty

2 weeks later 

My fingers intertwined with his as he locks and kisses them. He doesn’t know I know but he a snuggle monster the reject monster from Sesame Street. Another secret I love it. We haven’t had much time as I will hope with one another. Even though he was back from the war he still was working as deputy while he was home. I pout like a two-year-old who got denied a brand new toy from a toy store. But we made it work. He moves me close as he whispers praise in my ear in his deep voice that makes me shiver a cool chill.

I only had 15 minutes left of my break with him. God how I miss him. After Janet left me teary-eyed in the abandoned hallway apart of me felt I was in old westerns like I was waiting for her around and draw her guy. That night he came over and hold me as I cried into his strong chest hands wrap as far as I could around his broad shoulders. Each night I founded my self there. Even if I was asleep he sneaks in and holds me. Letting me know he was never gonna leave me. 

He looks down into my eye out time coming to an end with a bit of sorrow regret. Hopping up so I can reach his face I pepper kiss him with each hop. Watching as his smile spread from ear to ear he loves when I did this be my silly tiny self. Knowing he always be my savior. His eyes were dark like midnight sky but were as bright as the sun. Others wouldn’t see this wouldn’t think he was more than a brick wall but he was more. Just like me more than meets the eye. Each day I’m happy god loves me to bring him to me. Bring me someone that made me feel things I never did before. 

“ I gotta go. I was only supposed to drop off another animal to you, baby “ He said in muffled from my lips. 

Lending back hold his hands close , “ Yeah but it was you who  wanted to start kissing me. I’m only here to basket it all this”.

This was been a familiar thing the last two weeks animals found dead somewhere or sick with some type of rabies. Blood from Mr. Fuzzy Bear only adds to the mystery. Blood work consists of an unfamiliar source. I went anymore I know and even the internet god the internet. After weeks of looking non stop trying to find anything to make me more at ease. NOTHING. I wanted to express this to KP but he only tells me to stop worrying.

“ BABY” KP tickle me under my underarms. I twitch and almost trip. “ I was talking and you did that moody thing you do. Is this Janet” he asked. YES NO I DONT KNOW I rub my forehead gently and peek up at him and nod.

I hate lying most importantly very bad at it. Even though he knew it was more he still allowed it to be, this time. 

“ I am taking you out. Show you off. Remind folks who you belong too. Which means I want you to be out this little head of yours. Janet she many things but all with reasoning. Give her time didn’t you say she nods at you other days” KP said. God his voice.

“ Your right probably PMS. Or something. Where we going” I asked looking down. I could hear my name-calling for me and some chaos.

“IAASC I KNOW HE SEXY EYE CANDY BUT GET YOUR ASS IN HERE-OW” Ethan scream out. I giggle and peck his cheek and ran off.

“ I CALL YOU ILY “ I shouted over my shoulder.

He ruffles his thick black hair across his hands as she smirks at me.

“ILY2” He said.

Everything was like walking into the war zone. Ethan was sitting on a chair holding her arm that was gushing blood out and Casey walking back and forth. I swipe up a rabies shot and quickly gave it to her and took her arms into my arms to looks at it. So much blood my arms got painted red. With a finger snap, Casey passes me the 1st aid kit as I dress the wound. Ethan was laughing all while. After thanking Casey ask sending her off for a break treating her like my child even though she was twice my age I gave the tickle me Ethan my attention.

“ You need to go to the hospital. That looks nothing like something seen before where the animal that did it” I asked looking around.

“ Killed it” She said like it was nothing. My eyebrow bent at this as I look her.

“ I need to call KP back he and sheriff can come over and help” I said pulling my phone out my pocket.

“Shit that fucker a bitch. I go okay I go I’m fine I go later. You did everything right by the way. It’s dead. We take it to the trash and that it” She said then look at me finally. I was a mess. To say the least. I bit the corner of my cheek till it bleeds and the iron the mint of him I was chewing on earlier.

Her eyes look glassy and she had a gentle sweat coming down her forehead. Didn’t it bit her not even a half-hour ago? I walk over and grab the bloody towels and help her up to sit down in her office under the AC. Closing the door I look hands it still had traces of her blood on it. I close my eyes and tried to relax. Taking deep breaths I went over to the sink and started to scrum till my hands were bright red from the friction.

“ Is she alright? “ Casey asks poking her head into the exam room. I peak over and back at my hands.

“ Yeah, she huh. Resting. Hey, what even happen that was so like the strange right” I said adding extra words to sound like I wasn’t just obsessing over it.

Casey pulled out a cigarette from her pocket and pluck it in her mouth getting ready to share something.

“ While you were outside smacking lips with Mr fuck for brains and takeout outside” she stops and looks at me.

“ I was upfront talking to Rachel about our lasted book club meeting. And she was talking about this new craze when one of the animals that came in just bounced up to life and start making sounds hissing and shit. Went sideways. The animal was acting all crazy like Bob does when he drank that moonshine and whiskey during October fair of 2003. Anyway, I rushed back and she was swinging at it with a paperweight” she said raking in another inhale of her cigarette. With a few coughs and tap, she looks around before talking some more.

“ You know a lot of shit been happening around here. I have been here all my life sadly and I would know. You know what it is huh?” She said putting her cigarette out with the bottom of her shoe. “ Damn Liberals. Probably put some damn glitter dusk on shit and made folks all crazy “She said as if it was a known fact. Did I not mention she a bit of a blowup doll racist. Try to explain to her just because I look Spanish doesn’t mean I am. Now she always says Ho Lay. Like that means something more than being a bitch. But she Casey and there no one like her.

“ You never know. So where is it now the animal ” I said drying my hands?

“ Out in the front. Sucker ugly mug tosses a blanket over it” Casey said nodding to the front. I nod and look around trying to let everything sit. Before she could walk off I without even thinking grab tight to her arm and pulled her into a hug. My hand ran up and down as I hold her tight.

“ Stay safe. Cas” I said. She chuckled and pat my back before going. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe a part of me knew something was gonna happen. That I was about to head down a steep drop something I will never be able to recover from.

The animal or what was left of it was like Casey said a mess. Scattered with its brains and head mushed. I poke it a few times before taking my pocket knife and stabbing it in the brain just in case. I wasn’t trying to live my life in a horror film. When I took the knife back out there was a strange goo mix with the blood. What the fuck I whisper to myself as I knee down and got closer to look. Just like I thought it was just like Mr. Fuzzy Bear. This was not a dog and this in on ways was a house pet. How strange how can two things so far from one another by going through the same thing. Can it be a generic trait from mammals? Or animals?

Ethan was quiet for the rest of the night. She didn’t move out of her office and when she did she was still sweating and shivering. I knew I promise KP not to worry but I couldn’t.

Me: Promise not to laugh but I have a question

Mi Amore: Haha what up sweetie

Me: Have there been any strange animal behavior or attacks? I know I’m coo-coo 😛😛

Mi Amore: 🤔 idk. Yeah, old man, Nick has been coming about some behavior. But that’s about it. Ur not crazy just crazy beautiful. Y??

Me: Remember when I was called in. Ethan got bite by a stray animal. Just wondering. I miss U  💋 💋 💋 

Mi Amore: Never stop. If you promise to stop worrying I keep an eye on it. And stop by to check out on Ethan tonight or tomorrow. Alright babe

Me: Kk thnx KP 

Mi Amore: ILY let me know when you get home

Me: ILY2  😘

Old man Nick was crazy still believing that aliens were never in Roswell but here. But his word is not so reliable he is married to his chicken Cheryl. I paced around that night in my room thinking trying not to think. He was right I need to stop worrying. I pulled out my pink paper and my fuzzy pens from my desk and sat on my bed and starting to write. Could me not having Janet be making me acting like an old man Nick, god I hope not. So I did what KP did and after my letter to Janet, I decided to not worry about it.

My feet bounce from one to another as I ran across the neighborhood. I felt a bit of sweat coming from under my lavender purple sports bra and forehead. Hair swinging from left to right right to left as I power through. In theory, if I wanted to I could run my whole town form one end to another. Music blast though my Bluetooth Air Pods. As I turn I reach Bloom Ave I made a quick left and push through till I reach a familiar two-story house at the end of the dead street. It sits back in the dirt a bit with a few stubs in the ground that somehow went perfect with the grey clay outer skeleton with huge windows and white curtains and a bright red wooden door. No cars in the driveway weren’t unfamiliar. Janet's mom or body double was always out at the local bar on some table dancing talking about her glory days. Janet hates that and even though she never told a soul she always fears she becomes that. Be stuck in the middle of nowhere no love and memories of when life was fearless Couldn’t ever be like that I told her as sat back on a black and white blanket sipping on my organic lemonade. She smiles and asks why. Because I will be there no quicksand right. She smiles and nods no quicksand.  I wipe my eyes as I came up to the front porch. I knock a few times before I gave up. Hail Mary twisting my neck a bit I look around to the empty street. From the corner of my eye, I could see the shades move. I turn my head around so quickly I got dizzy. I ran towards the window and tap at it. Trying to look in. It was blurry but I can dang sure I saw someone. I called out and bang it a few times. She was not gonna answer. With a exhale I turn and leaned against the window and slide till I was on the ground. I never gave up but this was starting to look like the only thing I could do. Was not doing that stupid drug that big of a deal. More. More I thought about it I got anger mad-sad even. Whipping my eyes with the back of my hand I got up and grab a few rocks. And started hitting the window calling out for her. Pissed I storm in circles across the front door like a madwoman. 

" I don't know what wrong but FUCK IT. YOU KNOW I CARE ABOUT YOU AND YOU DOING THIS IS FUCK UP. BECAUSE OF BLOODY DAMN DRUG. YOU PROMISE ME MOON AND STARS WE ARE NOTHING WITHOUT THE OTHER. SO IM NOT LEAVING IF I HAVE TO WRITE TO YOU AND LEAVE A FREAKIN LETTER OR CALL I AM. I KNOW SOMETHING FUCKIN WRONG. WHAT WE ARE YES IT IS COMPLICATED AND NOT WAY OF THINGS BUT I DO ANYTHING FOR YOU. THIS SHIT CHILDISH. YOU FUCKIN PROMISE J. They all leave me and you promise you won't" I stumble to my knees and hold onto my face with my hands and cried. I can't hate her even when I wanted to I can't. I cry and cry to the point my sweat and tears were blending into one.

Slowly getting up I look at the house once time. I lost. I lost over something so stupid. Crazy as it is if I could go back knowing what I know I still won't take that duck fuckin drug. I would just fight more so Janet wouldn't.

" No quicksand " I whisper before I walk off in defeat.

At work I didn't move much I just sat there listening to Casey about how Ethan couldn't make it something about going to the urgent care next town over. Casey was pleased because it meant she could leave early. Cleaning up the back exam rooms I recognize the towel Ethan used when she got attack day before. FUCK IT. I Peak before I snoop over to the magnifying glass and cup a piece of the towel and took a look. I tried squeezing my eyes but it wasn't close enough DARN I crushed at myself as I ruffle my hair through my hands. Biting the corner of my lip I look over for something anyway. JACKPOT. I rushed over and bent down to go through old equipment until I found the microscope that I remember Ethan told me about when I first started helping out. Sometimes about it not working right but if there one thing I was work with what you got a type of girl. It is I tap the metal table till the light came on. Grabbing the piece of the towel I place it over and fetch my glasses out my chest pocket and kiss my eyes to the lends. At first, it looks right till I saw a few things in the corner that didn't look quite right. The light kept flicking above me with an annoying buzz. Was it stupid yes but who said I was smart. More I tried to focus louder the buzz got. Till the office phone ring making me jump out my damn skin with a loud final act scream. AHHHH.

After a second to realize it was the phone, I quickly answer it. Hello, I said slightly out of breath. I heard heavy breathing. I repeated my self. Still nothing but heavy breathing. This isn't funny I said about to poop a golden egg. Still, it was heavy breathing. I can't hear you breathing I said looking around second-guessing every life decision I ever made. I gonna hang up I said but something stops me. Three words. No QUICKSAND. My eye widens Janet. I scream into the phone for her a bit excited and more so worried. But all I got was a dial tone I tried to call her but she didn't answer.

Each night around the same time the same message those three words. Of course, I tried to make her say anything else but no. My mind races trying to figure it out till each time I came to the same conclusion, she did not want my help or worst she could not ask for it.

I tap my foot as I look at my planner trying to figure out what to wear for my date with KP today. Strawberry favor purple teddy bear he got me on our first date sat on my lap between my thighs. He did tell me much but just it was a casual date no restaurant this time. We need that a few times when he was in school ones out of town. I liked those I could be anyone I wanted to be even though I could only drink the bottled water and had to bring omg own food. If they didn’t have things like organic apples. The third one we did he told me of his dream ones that included me. I like those a lot. Even after the two years when he went off to the army to take down the bad guys. Each letter you write adventures about life we were gonna have. I told him I didn’t care just wanted him there to hold me and love me. Stupid I know but stuck in a small town you can get caught up in those dreams.

After a few minutes of debating I pick up my feet push and turn around and around in my chair holding the hand of teddy. Hoping off after a few turns around I click on my radio and just decide to go with the flow whatever I was feeling. REMEMBER A DAY BY PINK FLOYD starting to play. I bop my head and shake my hips as I look through my denim.

Remember a day before today

A day when you were young.

Free to play alone with time

Evening never comes.

Toss a blue denim skirt with a beach wave cut on the bottom and round bottoms on the front. I lose myself in the beat that was creeping through my soul. Singing off-key look over my shoulders and pull out short sleeves stripe blue and black with a hint of the orange shirt.

Climb your favourite apple tree

Try to catch the sun

Hide from your little brother’s gun

Dream yourself away

I walk backward as I sang with my teddy in my hands the outro plucking out my round black shades to complete the outfit. Licking my lips I look into the mirror with items place in front to imagine how it would look. Something was messing I look behind and saw one of his old button-ups he left one night he stayed. Taking I deep breath in I look up to my ceiling knowing if things go well maybe I go a step forward. Or maybe not.

He came at exactly at 12 o clock. Rolling up in his 2010 Black Ford Raptor with the music blasting. I hope up without thought ran over as soon as it stops. Before I could get in I saw a few blankets on the passenger seat. Peaking up I saw him staring at me with those intoxicating midnight eyes that match his thick cut on side and swoosh in the front black hair. That I love to tug and play with between my dainty fingers. His smile was so wide that it shows off his perfect pearly whites. Reaching closer I smile into a kiss and I felt a lift as he pulls me in and into his lap. To deepen our kiss the taste of his toothpaste and hint of orange juice he must have had before coming over. Recently he taught me the fun of French kissing and art of a tongue. Pulling his bottom lip with my teeth I glance at him his strong muscular hand grip tight to my thigh.

“ Looks like someone wearing my clothes again” He said rubbing little patterns on my thigh with his index finger.

“ Want me to take it off and give it back. Baby” I asked playfully. With one last glance and shook his head no and tilt his head to look at me.

“ You know it drives me crazy seeing you wear my stuff. Let’s not forget the football jersey incident” he reminded me. It was 1st time I allow him to fell my thigh and butt. Thought alone brought a heat running down my body. Something Janet told me was normal. Playing with his hair I look down at what he was wearing. Black jeans with a red t-shirt an leather jacket.

“ So this the big date. Just sitting in your car. I could have told my parents we were staying for lunch then” I said playing with the collar of his jacket.

He ponders the question for a bit before he started to laugh. Picking me up he helps me over to the passenger seat. Left his right hand on my thigh and drove off with his left hand. After a few minutes, I wrap my hand with his and lean back and look at him as he drives. Few times he will peak over even throwing me a silly face which I then gave a few my own. Got to a light I peak out to the street. Crazy for a Saturday the usual busy with folks at the town square or at the farmer market that would be along Main Street it was pretty much close to deserted. Looking back as we drove off I sat back and ponder about it.

“ Did Bucks say anything about not having his produce today?” I asked.

“ Huh yeah sweetie it was postponed. Something happened to some of his vegetables. Think some kids piss on them. There also that beauty pageant in San Pedro. Took a bus over to watch” He said to bring my hand to kiss.

“ Yea yea I forgot. You know with Ethan gone. I feel like I’m working all alone forgetting the days. Where we going “ I asked.

“ Don’t worry we almost there. Would you put that scarf around your eyes it a surprise? Isaac” he said.

I took the red plaid scarf and wrap it around my eyes. The realization was starting to dawn on me besides our movie dates or him staying with me at night. This was our first date since he came back. Worried wasn’t even the word for it my whole body became snuffled with nerves. My mouth was dry and my neck felt warm.

“ Hey hey you okay,” he asked with a serious tone. I nod yes and hold on to his bicep tight.

“ Sorry just excited. Is all” I whisper holding on.

I didn’t know where I was but I felt the ground being a bit rough against my converse. One hand-grip tight to his other feeling my way. I could feel the moisture from the air and leaves. Before u even lifted the scarf I knew we were at our special hideout in Lover Lane.

Close behind me, he squeezed my shoulders gently as he whispered words of sweet nothing. I felt like Alice walking through wonderland. What if I look clearly through the darkness between the glitter and tiny rainbows I could find mad hatter drinking morning tea or the queen of hearts out by her garden w brush covered in red paint. Endless wonders who will I be would I be Alice full of innocence and wonder, the white rabbit who always running with of anxiety, Chester cat who full of the finger brings back cross and a smile with a bit of darkness inching to come back or maybe just a poor bystander. Most say I could pick out those three or add one in but today I didn’t know.

The blindness of the light brought me back from that rabbit hole of thoughts. Blinking a few times to adjust I saw a blur of trees and blue sky. It was beautiful right in the middle among all the flowers and grass was a big red planet blanket with a wicker basket in the center.

“ Surprise My Ama. Like it” KP said with a huge grind with his hands stretch out as far as possible. I didn’t know tears were coming down till KP came over to kiss them away. I hold his hand tight and kiss his hand before kissing each finger and look deep into his deep space eyes.

“ Did I do something why are you crying?” KP said a bit worried. I felt my lips playing peek a boo with teeth. I wish I knew why I was crying. I don’t even know anymore.

Instead of the truth I pull KP by hand and pull him onto the blanket before I let go and lay across. I curl my finger and motion for him to come over to sit by me. He lay his head on my lap. Right by edge of my skirt and he help right with his head facing my lower stomach. Playing with his hair between my fingers I came close and kiss his forehead gently. He holds me close and mumbles something. Maybe today I’m Alice before she found that hole.

The sun felt so good again my smooth rich terra- cotta skin. My hair was slip to the side taking in the sun raises. I could here KP reading from his old worn-out copy of The Last Man in the background still laying on my lap. He always had a fascination with Pre-American Gothic and an unseen classic from popular authors. Could read anything that was calming may you forget the world around you and drunk of his voice capturing his presence. Once he read House of Leaves to me when we were both in head and sound like a lullaby.

What is there in our nature that is forever urging us on towards pain KP read.

I bent down in front of the book to block any of the words and cup his cheeks in my hands and kiss him. Putting the book beside him he returns the kiss and pulls in deeper and turns me over to he was on top. My head rests on my honey scent shampoo hair. I could smell the woody scent of his Guilty Pour Homme Spray by Gucci he always put on. He moves his hand to crest cheek eyes match my woods brown eye with his. I could feel something hard pressuring against my thigh. With a sigh, I look at him and then down. Once again. As if he could read my thoughts he slowly pulls away.

“ Should probably not continue this before we are both in trouble huh baby?” KP said in his deep chocolate voice. I slowly nod and place my hands against his side and rub it against the pants being the only thing stopping me to go further. I need an escape something to stop my thoughts stop me from jumping face-first onto the hole. I felt moving his hips with movement with my palm. Kiss trace down my neck gently I curve into his touch wanting more. God, he knew how to make this girl feel good. His hands while rough with warn and tares always was gentle. Without thought I let out a sigh as we continue till out nowhere I thought I heard some birds. A lot of birds. Opening my eyes corner of my sight I see a family of birds flying in a flock west of me. I bent my head back as I follow the birds until they disappear. My mind drifts off to where they were going what would they do once they are there.

“ Ama I gotta tell you something alright something very important and I need you to listen can you do that” KP asked as he kisses my neck some more. I nod and mouth yes.

“ You know when I left I thought I was strong I thought I was brave. I wanted to protect you so badly from all evil all darkness I went onto war. But honestly, it’s not what I thought baby. The world we live in full of chaos more I tried to fix it stay in line I found my self missing you thinking what if I stay with you” KP said and continue to kiss me between my chest. Feeling brought old feelings I haven’t felt in more a year ago.

“ This world needs order. And I can’t do it all alone. Many nights I was barley holding thinking of ending my life but I got your letters and face times. If it wasn’t for you I will be lost in this huge empty world. I have been thinking and well what if after you graduate we leave pack all your shit and leave. Nothing d holding us back” KP said. I blink and look at him he stops kissing me and look back up at me with huge night sky eyes. I could hear some strange noises from behind me. KP was still speaking and all I could do was stare at him with drunk haze eyes.

“ Would you run off with me?” KP asks turning to go get up to look at me. No words can describe the look in his eyes passion fear worry lust doubt. Galaxy with million and one thoughts hiding in plain sight. Could I leave and blindly follow him into the unknown future. FUCK YEAH, I WOULD that promised I gave him so long ago.

Before I could say anything everything happens in a flash. The gravity pull was distracted in a minor of seconds. I felt him pushed my down covering me with his chest I look and I could feel something wet. Stumbling back on the blanket my breath gets shorter and I start to feel dizzy my fingertips were numb I felt like the more I tried to breathe more I fell deeper into the darkness. Then were the two muscle arms scooping me up from behind?

“ ISAAC ISSAC AMA AMA BABY BABY LOOK AT ME. Come one before you go into shock “ KP shout out. I look away from the body and at him. His thick finger covers my flushed cheeks. I slowly start to nod and look back at the body.

“ Is he.... is he dead we gotta do -“ I stop as I could see man chest rising a bit he was saying something. I let go and slowly follow the mumble I was a foot away before I felt a hand on my shoulder stopping me. I couldn’t freak out not like before a deep breath in I slowly turn back around.

“ Not safe. Take my phone get services and called for help” KP said in his deep savior voice he does when he serious. I glance back at the body. It gosh out blood to point you couldn’t tell where the actual puncture wound was. Where was it that was gonna be on his death certificate. From where I was it looks like his had puss and some strange black markers. He spoke to me but I did not answer him instead I remain quite till I heard the 911 operator.

“ He Hello. Yes huh, this is huh Amaryllis Isaac Smith I’m with my boyfriend Kindred Phillip” I could hear KP be reaping the word deputy. I nod and look at him he was hovering over the body almost studying it. “ Deputy Sargent Phillip. We are huh mm KP where are we” I stop and scream again where are we.

“ Lover Lane South East entranced a quarter-mile away from the lake. TELL ME THE PEEK A BOO SPOT they will know” He shoot out.

I repeated words word by word what he said. I heard the words by I couldn’t answer.

“Yes, there a man baby hurt. PLEASE HURRY” I said. Placing my hand to the phone I look at KP. “ Is he breathing KP “ I shout out. I couldn’t see one of his hands he was knee down to the body his back facing me. I waited but he didn’t answer just slowly got up and brush his hands on his thighs and grab the phone.

“ He dead. We wait to cops come. Maybe an ambulance my girl she a bit shook up. That’s okay Baby ... Baby” KP asked looking down at me. I couldn’t breathe anymore my hands wrap around his broad shoulder for my dear life my right cheek pushed onto his chest till I could hear his heart. Far away by the now dead body, I saw flames surrounding it. Tears gently fell more flames the closer I pulled into him till my vision was blur form fabric of his shirt. With one last breathe I was free-falling down that hole.

[onewholivesintheheart]

LIFE IS A CANVAS- excrept from the Tales of You

Not so long ago had this taken place in your life. If not well somewhere on your tale you will jolt it down. For the time being let’s just enjoy the story.

Once upon a time, God and You were pals... best buddies... they took walks together... they spend a lot of time together... exploring... hitchhiking.... but, soon God got his own business and was off to make to the business world. God brought a gift for You for the farewell party...

God said: “I think it’s time to catch up with the world. I have got some ideas and I’m planning on a startup. Don’t worry, I will be there when you need me. Here is a farewell gift. Check it out... how cool is it?”

You went excitedly to the gift and tried unwrapping it, “Couldn’t you get more colorful wrapping papers. It’s just a plane paper....” God rushed to You and stopped “Whooohooo... easy my friend...easy... it’s not wrapped. It’s my gift. Sorry I was in a hurry. So I couldn’t get it wrapped.”

You stared at the white paper on the wooden board “well, I think it’s quite something. You call it “gift”. I don’t feel gifted. What’s this all about?”

God in a dramatic voice, “Well, you my friend is special. Unlike any of my other friends, you are unique. So, I gift you “the Life”. Can I have a drum-roll please... no!! Fine!! It’s okay...”

You was quite amused, “Well you call this Life. This is an empty paper stuck on wooden board... okay, I think I am gonna call it.... aaaa... ah..... Well, CANVAS... I know you are in a hurry. You need not have got this for me. I am sorry, I couldn’t buy you anything. In fact I thought You were going to stay forever. As a matter of fact, have you really got a plan on what you are going to do? I hear there a lot of good startups coming up. How are you going to catch up with this crazy world?”

“Well, I am sorry, You. I wish I could stay longer. But its show time. I think my business is going to flourish. This is all what the world needs. I am starting my ‘ALMIGHTY, Solutions for free - a way for an easy life’... it’s gonna be a hit. I got a complimentary gift with your so-called Canvas. Here, catch this color palette. And to remember me, here is a magic brush.”

“So, you have not forgotten your passion for magic I guess...” You made a mischievous smile... “Oh, God... all the wonders you performed with your magic... Good old times... well, Bon voyage...”

As God went off for business, God dropped You at the apartment where they lived. You walked in with a heavy heart as You entered into the apartment as God drove away. The apartment seemed quite different. It was so colorful when God was around. Now all of a sudden it seemed blacked out. Silent. Well, looking at the white canvas You spent quite a lot of time in memories of God, all alone, except for the color palette and the brush. You was sad. When You saw the canvas, (You preferred calling it canvas, though God told its life!!) You thought God is going to do some magic trick and turn it into a beautiful artwork before God left. You even planned on selling it at an exhibition on auction. With all the money, You even thought of getting a better apartment. Well, who would want this Earth-The all nature apartment, when you have Mars, next door!!!! The canvas seemed getting whiter day by day, when eventually You thought of ideas to finally start working on it. You had a brilliant idea and thought, “This is going to be the most beautiful portrait one has ever-seen, and once God is back I am going to re-gift this. I gonna show my pal, God, how to really give a gift. Because I can’t afford to buy something new for God. ”

You excitedly took the color palette and the brush, when suddenly You noticed it missed something. Sadly and quite frustrated You called God. But God seemed quite busy, but finally managed to have some time, when You yelled at the top of the voice. “Oh, God, why don’t you gift something wholly? Is this how you gift your old pal???” God was so confused and asked, “What’s wrong, my friend? You seemed to be upset. What happened?” “Seriously God!! You don’t know what went wrong. I wanted to make something wonderful out of your gift to re-gift to you .., because you know I am not running any business here. I can’t afford a return gift. But, the matter is that, you gave me a color palette without green. Where do you buy these stuff from?” God felt so sorry, “Sorry friend, I couldn’t afford green at that time. I was busy. I ran out of money as I started this start up and I am expanding. Don’t feel sad. I have got a lot of clients who deal with colors. But I don’t think I can get green now. It’s out of stock. You should have ordered online earlier. You could have also got a free delivery. Don’t worry. I am the owner of ‘ALMIGHTY, Solutions for free - a way for an easy life’. So guess what, I have something better...that’s not gonna be in any color palette that you could afford for a while. Since it’s your first purchase and you are my friend, I can get it for free for you. Now this is from the exclusive premium collection- It’s the Teal edition. Better get it soon. I will get you the details. Bye, I gotta go. There is lots of clients waiting... bye bye....” “But... wait  ... what...” You was totally disappointed as God just hung up. “All I needed was green. But look what God gave me, TEAL!!!!!!”

Time passed by. You felt miserable. You didn’t accept the Teal offer out of anger and now You is regretting because once You got to the store green was totally out of stock and found out what Teal really was. But as God said, You couldn’t afford it. You started thinking of another idea. You searched for the palette and was once again not only disappointed but angry too. You Whatsapp God immediately with tones of angry face.

God: “watsup man? Hurry. Gotta go”

You: “where is my orange?”

God: “What?!!!!”

You: “I need the Orange”

God: “OH!! NO... now don’t tell me Orange is the new trend. I juz bought the Apple and oh, manh! It’s so costly. bt worth it. I’m gonna showoff with it in the meeting today. Well, apples have always been tempting ever since, weren’t they? They always draws in attention and brings on a temptation and finally waiting for redemption.”(And a lot of winks)

“No!!!!! What r u speaking about?”

“What r u speaking about, You?”

“Well, what else? Ur beautiful gift”

“OH, no... The color orange... is that missing too... oh no, clients are calling...I gotta hurry... don’t get upset... I will be there when u need me. I’m ur frnd. Alrighty then, get this gift card that I’m sending u herewith n get this newest deal. I have paid 4 it. u juz have to get it. It will help. I gotta hurry. Sorry, pal. Catch up with u later...”

Excitedly You explored the gift card and just threw down the phone, “Come on Now.” It doesn’t take much time for excitement to become incitement. You continued angrily, “Why do you do this to me God. Why??? .. It’s not orange. It’s Cyan. Why this? Why me? God could get the all new Apple, but not orange. I have no use for this. I am getting rid of it.”

Time flew. You appeared woeful. Depression seemed to have taken a toll on You. One day as You was scrolling through news feed and making sad quotes and angry posts in Facebook You heard a familiar footsteps in that dark room. The room seemed more and more dark. Only the canvas seemed to stand out of it. In the loneliness of the room, the footsteps became louder and clearer. Finally, You looked up from the phone, realizing that You was not going crazy to find out that it was God who has walked in. “Surprise........ Hey, I haven’t heard from you for a while. What happened to you, You? You seem depressed and have lost confidence or is it that you gained a few pounds? What is it?” God was not happy to see You in such a plight.

You looked melancholic and spoke in low-voice, “Maybe it’s the weight.” You frowned as You spoke further. “I think I am a stress eater.”

God felt so sympathetic, “What happened? What’s it? Your canvas is dusting out. The colors are drying out. And You seem aging out.”

“Yes, I couldn’t reach to you. Why was it? I thought you forgot.”

“O, may be its cause I got rid of the complaint box.”

“Why did you do so?” You gave God a perplexed look. You couldn’t believe that. You always thought that was the key to God’s business.

“It was clearance week at office. And I couldn’t get that box cleared. OH, boy, the supply into the box seemed seamless. I call it supplies, but, trust me, the complaint box is so demanding. I couldn’t get it cleared by the end of clearance week. And one week is just 7 days even there at my office. So, on the sixth day I just got the complaint box cleared. And guess what I got, the very next day, the seventh day, I was on vacation.”

You started to get jealously angry. You thought, “God is on vacation, and here I am struggling hard to get a color for my canvas.” You started to speak in a low voice, “Why is the supply to complaint box so endless? Who is writing to you? Me and probably others whom you gifted the canvas?”

“Yes, exactly!”

“Well, it would then just be me, then, isn’t it?” God just smiled silently, yet, mischievously. You went raving in, “Then, tell me how many? What is the supply there? Tell me, what have you got? You gave me a blank canvas and I come up with ideas and all I have is an incomplete color deck.”

“Don’t get angry, You. The supply in there is complicated. Let me do the math. 7.6 billion people multiplied by 24 hours into 60 into 60 into...”

“Wowwww..... wowww... Seems like you have got a plenty of “canvas-gift” offer there?

“Ya, it’s quite something. Kind of a wholesale deal. By the way, why did you reach out for me?”

“Well, I was desperate. I needed purple. You know, I love that color. I dreamed of a canvas so filled with different shades of purple. I didn’t have it. You called it Life, I prefer calling it a canvas, but for a while I felt like it should be named something like Dreams. I was going to name my portrait Canvas of Dreams. All I needed was purple, but... but I felt bad as I looked at the color palette ... I was desperate...I am helpless....” Tears rolled into You’s eyes. God felt terribly sorry for You and hugged You tight telling You, “What’s wrong? If that’s what you like, go ahead. Get it.”

“With this palette, I am never gonna be able to do this.” You showed the palette and asked, “Where do you see purple in here? Then, how am I going to get it?”

God comforted You, “I am so sorry that I couldn’t be here. Since I got the clearance week done, as soon as I got rid of that rusted complaint box I was off to vacation and I got trapped in Vegas and before I knew I was out of money. But, well, what a game it was. It was fun, we should go together sometime. And now I am on my way back to get the business renovated. I would love to help you, but I am out of everything you need- No offers, no gift cards, no money... I am sorry, friend.”

You couldn’t hold it back anymore, “Then, why are you here? You were there with me. Then one day, suddenly, you just left. You got better life, business, vacations.... And you just got rid of me by giving this gift of yours. I don’t need it anymore.” You violently started ripping off the canvas, tore it into pieces and threw the color palette on to the floor. The sight of the brush remembered You of God and started ruining the brush by chaffing it against the floor.

God patiently watched everything, “Are you sure you don’t need my magic brush too? I wouldn’t do that if I were you? Don’t get mad at me. Just calm down.”

“Why would I need this? Why wouldn’t I be mad? You gave me the worst “canvas-gift package” ever!!!”

“You, listen. You are special and I gave you the best.”

“Special?? A blank paper and just 3 colors... You call it a gift and I think it was your way of getting rid of me. Else why would you leave me alone on this and ask to figure all this out myself.”

“Why don’t you and I take a walk like we once used to?” “I don’t want to. Where to? Its dark everywhere. I can’t see anything anymore. It’s nothing like it was once. It’s all gone, forever...”

“It’s the way you choose to see that decides what you see.” God just walked around moving the black curtains surrounding You. Suddenly everything seemed so bright. You couldn’t open the eyes. “What’s this? What are you doing? How did you do this? How come I didn’t realize this? Those were just curtains????? Is these some of your old magic tricks???”

“If you are going to keep on asking questions we may not have time to go for a walk. Remember, I am a busy man and I don’t do tricks for fun. I do shows now. I am reputed. I have standards to keep. Don’t call them just magic. Now, my show is called MIRACLE. You should have seen me perform. But, still many wouldn’t believe. So, still I am working on it. It’s hard to get people amazed now.” God sighed and continued, “Well, I am happy that I don’t do stand-ups. It’s harder to make even people laugh. Everyone is so serious now. See, even you don’t want to open your eyes and come with me like you used to. What’s it?”

“Oh, it’s so bright. I can’t open my eyes.”

“That’s fine. This is totally normal. I got this. Just relax. The eyes that are trapped for long times in darkness of prejudice like this tends to show resistance to the lights of truth. Now relax. Let go off everything that happened. Forget the desires and unveil the dark covers in your mind with the air of a magician. Try it and slowly open your eyes. You should see this. I bet you will be amazed.”

You struggled to see through. Once You could see once again properly, You was astonished. “The world has changed a lot ever-since you left. Seems like I was in there within the curtains forever.”

It was a world of canvases, but unlike the empty canvas of You, it was bright.

God said, “You still sure you don’t want to take a walk?” You just walked to God. They just started walking around and looking at all those pretty canvases, rather, portraits.

As they got back finally You was holding God’s hand once again like old times. God had a smile. You was still not knowing what to tell. They remained like that for a while. Finally, God broke the silence. “Wow, that was the best trip ever. The silence between us was the best part of it, wasn’t it?” laughing, continued “Was that silence so good? Why you are still holding to it?”

You just started picking up the bits of torn canvas. You couldn’t find many pieces as they flew away in the heavy winds of time and drizzles of fate as they were off on the walk. God just asked You as You sat down rubbing the colors on the floor with the ruined brush, “I am so sorry about this. Now why are you crying? There’s no use crying over broken down canvas.”

You started speaking as tears rolled down the cheeks, in a feeble pathetic voice, “O God, I thought you were a friend but you lied. You told me I was special. If I was special, why would be my canvas be like this down here. Why is that all the canvases out there are colorful? Why did you blindfold me with the curtains? Why didn’t you let me see what others do with their canvases? Why did I have curtains around me? Else, I would have at least copied from theirs.”

“Oh, okay. That’s a lot of questions. Well, I am used to being interviewed. I get these a lot. In fact all I get is questions in my business, all day long. Well, about the copying of other’s canvases, isn’t copyrights a problem here. I am sure to would be. In my office, I have to come with original ideas every day!! Haa... well...” God picking up the rest of the remaining torn pieces of the canvas “seems like you have got some pieces missing here.”

You was still sobbing, “Above all, you just gave me 3 colors whilst everyone else out there had a lot of colors that I haven’t even seen of. Why did you do this to me?”

Trying to fix the torn pieces of paper, like a child fixing jigsaw puzzle, without taking eyes off it, God spoke, “ Feels like you have nothing left behind, right?” and looked up to You.

Immediately You looked up from the floor and said, “YES, for the first time you are telling me the truth, you liar.” (The frustrations never end, do they?)

“Nope, Happy Aprils’ Fool!” God laughed.

“What? Have you lost your mind? I am the one who is supposed to go crazy here, and here you are laughing madly”

“Hey, friend. I told you lost everything and that’s the only time I lied. I was just fooling you.” God stopped for a while and with a smile he started trying to fit the torn papers together and continued, “Look at the colors on the floor. You said you had only 3 colors. Now how many do you see? Still three?”

“Come on, is this some trick you showcased at Vegas? No wonder you are still everyone’s favorite magician.” You was amazed as he looked at the floor.

“I didn’t do it. You mixed them with that broken brush a while ago. Now, you have all you need. Orange, Green, Purple... what-else do you need now? You have all of it on the floor, don’t you? I said you were special. That’s why I gave you 3 colors - The Red, The Blue and The Green. If you had given it a thought you would have tried mixing them up. Or at least you could have used, what you have got.” After a pause God continued, “I said you were special, that’s why I gave you The Canvas. It was blank, so that you could decide completely what to do with it. I gave the same to everyone around here. But you were so special that I gave you my magic brush- that was my ‘helping hand’. The deal was to touch it to the color palette and then to the canvas, just 2 strokes, that must have done it. The only small secret was to include a little head and all your heart into it. It will do the magic.”

Sobbing, You asked, “Why didn’t you tell these to me earlier? Are these pieces of advice seasonal or premium offers, that you just tell it now??!! Why didn’t you tell me this whole long speech when you left?”

Mischievously smiling, God replied, “A magician never reveals the secrets.”

“Well, why did you give me what I didn’t ask for? How was your special offers supposed to help me? I never asked for them?”

“You are my friend. So I gave you the brand new items when you were in need. I tried to provide you with the best when you asked for. I never gave anyone else the same gifts. I gave you many gifts ahead of time. Still, I don’t understand why you didn’t use it? Trust me on this, the color palette there in my business might be too big, but it’s expensive. It’s not always that someone gets special offers. It was because you were so special to me that I chose to give you special gifts.”

“So, you are telling that it is all my fault? Fine, well, why did you put the black curtains then?”

“Hey, come on. I am a magician. I need to make it dramatical.” Laughing God put a hand around You’s shoulder. “Jokes apart. You were special. I wanted your canvas to be unique and also if I had not put the curtains this meeting would have probably happened in jail. You would have gone to jail trying to copy others artworks. That’s a serious issue, actually a crime. Copying same artwork into different canvases or exhibiting the same in different frames falls under the Crime of murdering diversity and uniqueness and Crimes of dishonesty, cheating, and moreover there would be copyrights issues in terms of Canvas rules and regulations. I didn’t want you to get into trouble.”

“Oh, so you got yourself justified. Magic played well. Proved yourself correct all the time. Now what? What about me??????”

“Creativity is one of the greatest paid works in the world. I always said you were special. Because though I own a Creative Business Strategy you are too smart to even compete me only because you are creative. Had you put it into use you would have got your dreams of making a purple canvas, exhibitions, fame, money, and so on, by this time.”

You felt so pathetic. Desperate. Depressed. “Now, you are done I guess?”

“NO. Now the closing sentence.” God calmly told, “When your outlook changes, so will the things you look out for, change. It’s applicable to the canvas and colors too.”

You looked at God now with so much gratefulness and sorry.

God felt bad about You. “I know what you are up to. But I don’t have time. I have to catch up with the new season of #TheEllenShow . She is so funny and hers is one of the best canvas I saw in my World Tour Exhibitions. Now, don’t give me that look. We are old pals. She gives me a call once in a while. Well, she gave me a phone call in one of her first shows. Now I guess she is busy too, making her canvas better. Though you didn’t appreciate it, she loved the canvas I gifted her. She is so smart, that now she adds colors to other peoples’ canvases. That’s how you turn things around. It has been long since I got a call from her. Well I am sure she remembers me.”

“I know her. Her show is the only thing that kept me going, though you didn’t provide me with what I asked for. She never disappoints me. Though I couldn’t get tickets to her show. If I had I would have never bothered you, I guess. But enough with you, your pals, your business. I appreciate it. But what about me???? I was your pal too. I remembered about you all the time.”

“Then why didn’t you reply my calls or messages? Why did you ignore me? Are never going to listen to me, again?”

“See, I told you about the renovation, you remember? I have to do a lot of work. Your messages, I don’t know why, it just gets redirected to spam. Everything is automated there.” Smiling plainly again, God replied.

“I like your smile. Especially when you have that pretend smile when you makes yourself look like you know nothing.” You continued, “So, now, what should I do? Could you... could you please, please, help me.???”

“You broke my special magic brush. Now, if I were You, I would desperately sit down in a corner going mad or try to tearing down other canvases, still going mad. But since I watch Ellen, thank me, I play by the rule #bekindtooneanother.”

You was getting furious, “Seriously, are you kidding?”

“No, ‘Seriously, I’m kidding’, that’s her book. Good one.” God laughed.

“God please.”

“Okay, okay... I still believe you are special, and though you broke my magic brush which had the spell of my helping hand, guess what, it’s my brand new business expansion coming up- “Helping Hands, instant door-to-door delivery of solutions.” So, I thought since I am at your door, you could be my first customer and so this time you would definitely don’t have to pay. I know every-time I give you specials you don’t seem happy. So now don’t worry. This is the last special offer I am going to give you.

So under the current scenario,” God making a serious face like a CEO of a business organization “ well, if I was here, and I was not You, that means, If I was me, in your place, - and that might have taken place long ago- I would have just smashed up all colors and have had fun doing finger painting. You should go see all those kid videos on doing finger painting. Those kids... they are the most incredible things I have ever seen. Always daring. Thank me, at some point they forget fun and get afraid to dare to do things. Else I would have run out of business, who knows. Alright, then, I would have called that incredible artwork some magnificent name and put it for exhibitions and make money. Say, like, since you have no canvas now, it can be like “the ultimate floor art gallery” and again using those curtains and bit of natural lighting it could be more dramatic. Then, have money. Try buying a new canvas, but it’s getting expensive day by day, so keep on trying until you get it. Better to do something than to be bare.”

You stood amazed and with awe, after a deep pause, tears filled You’s eyes. “Those are some great ideas. Thank you God. Well, first I am trying to fix that magic brush. I certainly know that there will be a glue which can fix it all and you will have some fancy name for it, like Glue of regret or Glue of trying harder or something. Well, definitely, I need that, because I need you. You are the best friend I ever have had, and will be forever.”

“Right, now you are making me emotional too. Come on now. I am a serious business person. I cannot get emotional.” Smiling amused “But, seriously pal, what you should get first is the Glue of Love and Self Respect and fix your heart. Then listen carefully. It might be difficult for you at first. But you will eventually hear it beat. Yes, it does beat. It’s your inner passion that decides the beat to which it will beat.” Pausing, “And maybe because I am now seriously involved in business I can only think in this way. If your inner passion too beats to the way of business try buying more brushes or canvases to provide to those who don’t have. Maybe one day you could be my ambassador down here. But it might take time. For my company’s ambassador will have to learn my company policies and missions and visions, and you know me. I don’t make things easier. Because then I would run out of business” Laughs again.

“So are you telling that there are more magic brushes?”

“Again kid? Do I have to keep repeating every word I spoke? Just keep looking. Change the way you think. It’s all about the perspective.”

You was still looking at God like kids looking at a teacher explaining things that they have never heard before. So of course God felt You needs to be given answers. A child’s curiosity left unanswered may sometimes turn to be the most dangerous scenario or may lead to the most incredibly creative invention. With You, God thought it would be good to give the answers.

“Yes, we do have magic brushes. More and more of them. More and more of those helping hands-magic brushes are of course available. The common thread is that, no matter, whether You pass it down or I do, it will always have my magic spell. If you what the brand names of the brushes too - then the most trending are, Kindness, Compassion, Love and so on. Sometimes they have combinations too. I only deal with authorized brands and authentic retailers.”

“So, that means, I think, I have a lot to do....” You hugging God gratefully, “You have spoken to me like a business tycoon, inspirer, business dealer, but most importantly as a friend in-deed. Thank God, thanks that you are here. Well, good luck on you renovation too whilst I surprise you with some here too.”

“Okay then. You seemed to have got the idea. I think I have already got a long queue of customers waiting. Trust me on this, people now a days get irritated very easily and I hear the consumer laws are getting stronger. So I better hurry. I have some reputation to keep up.”

As they once again walk down the apartment and God books the taxi to the business, You leaves in search of those in need of canvases and magic brushes into another miraculous exhibition hall way ahead. As You leaves, God receives a message, “Save my number, this is my new number. I am not renovating and reestablishing my business. Thanks for the head start, Yours You.”

After a few years, as God was in the flight to a business meeting in the private jet, the pilot gave a message, “God, just look out of the window. You will see the most unique artwork of the year- The Rainbow by You.” Just when God heard the artist’s name, looking out of the window, God was happier than amazed. God smiled, “OH MY YOU”. God definitely knew it could be God’s old pal You, for as You left this time You didn’t leave behind the scraps. You took everything that God gave. But God really didn’t get the idea of how this was done. You didn’t have that much colors. God just messaged You once God got out of the airport. “How did you do this? The Rainbow. Where did you get the colors from? I haven’t heard from you since the last time we met and as I remember it, it wasn’t a good time. But since then I have heard about you and everything was extraordinarily good.” God immediately got the reply. “Next time you are on vacation just check out the Magic Night Sky Exhibition Hall. Look at the ceiling and you will see your dramatic curtains turn into night sky with stars. I worked with many people over these years and learned some magic too. But no one near as good as you in magic. But they were all kind like you. Finally I got colors too. This time no special offers. I earned them. I still am, expanding my color palette.”

God felt proud and replied back, “Well, I told you, You were special and You proved, you are. So, what’s up? What’s the next surprise? Things aren’t going so well for me as now, all have got internet, and everyone has got solutions for everything. So my Solutions for free, isn’t working so much. All everyone needs solution is to, how to get internet and apps totally free!!! Seems like things are getting a bit competitive here. A lots of creative people out there I guess.”

You replied, “I am getting ready for a meeting with a special person. Might become my partner for further endeavors.”

God, “So, who is it? From where? Details please”

You, “It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s not the personal details, it’s the person that matters. It’s not the identity card, it’s the identity that matters.”

“Seems like the world is changing so faster than I expected. I never thought I would hear that answer for ever. Happy to hear a long waited answer. I always thought it’s not only the gadgets that need to get their software updated, sometimes people should get their mindset updated too for a better world.”

“Seems like everyone is getting the idea. Well, I was looking forward to becoming a retailer in your company.”

“Guess what, today is my lucky day, I found a worthy deal in business, I guess- and guess what, I think it’s You. Hoping to meet you ASAP”

“Me tooooooo....”

“Well, Good luck to You”

“All Thanks to God.”

“Meet you at Magic Night Sky Exhibition Hall by evening”

Later that evening on twitter You looked at that tweet by God with a smile.

@ Magic Night Sky Exhibition Hall #You #youarespecial #canvasoflife #crazyyou #offtovaction

You retweeted back, #Thanks #canvasofdreams

[terriblelifechoices]

💖 Send this to 10 other bloggers that you think are wonderful. Keep the game going, make someone smile! 💖 (💖 have a lovely day!💖) ---- Sending back to u because I think ure wonderful!

Likewise, my friend.  You’re a constant delight.

You mentioned wanting to see more of the Hughes siblings, so here is some completely self-indulgent fic.  I had a lot of fun with the swearing.

Some context, from Nothing Shall Be Impossible:

“Win?”

“It’s the only thing she’ll answer to, outside of Hughes,” Percival told him. “Her full name is Winifred Hughes. Her parents died when she was small, so her oldest brothers pretty much raised her. Win’s got five older brothers and one younger. Ezra and Miles didn’t know much about raising little boys, much less little girls, so the youngest four grew up … a little wild. It explains a lot about her personality, really.”

Percival liked her personality. Credence could tell. Percival wouldn’t have sounded nearly so amused if he wasn’t secretly fond of Win Hughes’ persuasive brand of crazy.

“I have no idea where her vocabulary came from,” Percival sighed. “Hughes could make a sailor blush.”

“An Auror,” Ezra repeated.

An Auror, of all the fucking things.  Merlin’s hairy wrinkled scrotum.  An Auror.

Win raised her chin and narrowed her eyes at him, radiating defiance.  “What’s wrong with being an Auror?” she demanded.  “It’s a good job.  The hours are shit, but the pay is good.  It’s stable,” she added, using the word as an invocation.  Win was too little to really remember the bad years just after Mom and Dad died, but she wasn’t blind to its aftereffects.  Stability ��� financial or otherwise – had just been a pretty dream, then.  Stable was the Hughes family watchword, their invocation, their prayer.  Stable meant a little patch of the world that no one could disrupt or take away.  Stable meant food on the table and clothes on their backs and not worrying about whether or not having one meant going without the other.  Stable was everything they’d dreamed about when they were young.

“There’s more to life than stable, Win,” Ezra told her, feeling vaguely blasphemous and more than a little heartbroken.  He wanted more for his siblings than what he’d had.  “If you’re just signing up for the paycheck –”

“Fuck yourself,” Win interrupted, flushed red with rage.  “I’m not, okay?  I’m not you.”

Ezra felt the words like a slap.  It would have hurt less if she’d slapped him, he thought.  Having his failures thrown in his face like that hurt.

“No,” Ezra said.  “You’re not.”

“Ez,” Win said.  “Ez, I didn’t mean it –”

“Oh, yes you did,” Ezra snapped.  He stopped, swallowing down his angry reply.  They went down like ground glass, an awful raw thickness in his throat it hurt to breathe around.

At eighteen he’d had parents.  At twenty he was one, and he’d taken any job he could to make ends meet.  He worked shifts in No-Maj factories during the day, tended bar in the wizarding part of town at night and ran errands for Gnarlack and his ilk, knowing full well that what he was doing wasn’t legal and telling himself he didn’t have the luxury of principles.  Not with five brothers and a sister to look after.  He slept whenever he could, which wasn’t often, in between work and trying to make sure that Joey and Win and Danny grew up healthy and safe, that Miles and Eddie and Colin were passing all of their classes.  Miles had wanted to drop out, to help, because he was seventeen and thought he was old enough to shoulder some of the burdens.  Ezra hadn’t wanted to let him, and they’d spent the entire summer after the funeral having a series of shouted arguments.  Those invariably ended with slammed doors and hurt feelings.  Things were better between them now, but Ezra had lost his taste for fighting with his siblings years ago.  He wasn’t going to start again now.

“If that’s what you want to do, then you should do it,” he said, measured and calm.

“Ez –”

“No,” he said.  She couldn’t take the words back, and he couldn’t hear her apology.  Not yet. Not while the wound was still raw and new.

Ezra took a deep breath and told her what he’d come here to say.  “I’m proud of you, Win.”

*

Miles stormed into Panacea just after closing.  He had a key, but Ezra had been expecting him, so the door wasn’t locked.

“What the absolute shitting fuck,” said Miles.

“Hello to you to,” Ezra said, wiping down the polished golden oak of Panacea’s bar.

Miles slammed a bottle down on the bar between them and took a seat on one of the stools and pointed an accusing finger at Ezra’s face.  “Don’t play coy with me, you miserable bastard.  I know you too well to fall for it.”

Ezra sighed.  “You’re my brother, not my spouse.  Kindly stop haranguing me like some tentacle fucker’s fishwife.”  He turned the bottle towards himself so that he could read the label, reasonably certain that he already knew what it was.  Miles was a distiller for Philosopher’s Stone Distillery; he rarely brought anything else.  It turned out to be a bottle of Prima Materia, which was the Stone’s brand of vodka.

“Good stuff,” he observed.

“Get us some glasses, yeah?”

“I’m not drinking with you,” Ezra warned, bringing out two shot glasses.

“Yeah, yeah,” said Miles, waving this aside as inconsequential.  He cracked the seal on the bottle and filled both shot glasses.  “Drink up.”

Ezra tossed it back, exhaling just after he swallowed and savoring the light notes of fruit and something floral.  The Stone brewed their vodka from pears, and while it had been distilled until it had no fruit flavor, he fancied he could still taste just a hint of it.

Miles immediately filled his glass again.  “Drink.”

“Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“You gonna fucking talk to me if you’re not?”

Ezra drank.

“She’s really fucking sorry,” Miles said, several shots later.

“I know,” Ezra said.

“She didn’t mean it, either.”

“I know that, too.”

“You still mad?”

“Yes.  No.  I don’t fucking know, I’m drunk,” said Ezra, crossly.  He sighed heavily, snagged the bottle and poured himself another shot.  He sipped this one.  Prima Materia was really too good to waste pounding it back like it was rotgut.  It was meant for sipping.  “I’m not mad at Win, not really, I’m mad that she’s right.  She’s not me.”

“No,” agreed Miles.  “You saw to that.”

“We both did,” Ezra said, muttering the words into his vodka.  Things had gotten a little better after Miles graduated from Ilvermorny.  Eighteen was still too young to help pick up the slack in parenting their younger siblings, but Ezra hadn’t been able to stop him.

“Yeah,” Miles said, gesturing for Ezra to refill his glass.  “We did good, I think.”  He laughed.  “An Auror, though.  Morgana’s tits, you ever think we’d end up with one of those in the family?”

“Fuck, no.  Of course not.”  Ezra was perfectly ordinary law-abiding citizen these days, but he’d done what he had to in order to put food on the table.  They both had.  The fact that neither of them had become fully-fledged petty criminals still surprised him sometimes.

“She’ll probably be good at it,” mused Miles.

Ezra scoffed.  “You kidding me?  She’s gonna be fucking amazing.”  Ezra had never met anyone as fast with their wand as his baby sister.  The Aurors would be lucky to have her.

“You should tell her that,” Miles advised.

“Yeah,” said Ezra.

*

Win was fucking amazing.  It killed Ezra that no one else saw that.

He wondered if this was his fault.  He didn’t know anything about raising little boys, much less little girls, but at least he’d actually been a little boy at some point and had some idea about what made them tick.  Win hadn’t seemed to mind all that much growing up, even if she’d had to get the sex talk and an explanation of her womanly monthlies from Healer Zhong at Ilvermorny rather than her mother.

Win was a round peg in a square hole, and she didn’t care who knew it.  She was incredibly, unbelievably fast with her wand, to say nothing of good at piecing things together from the very faintest of clues.  But she wasn’t polite or diplomatic or anything other than herself, which tended to put people off.

Those people had their brains of twice digested tuna as far as Ezra was concerned, but those people were also in charge, and Win had pissed off enough of them to cripple her chances at a promotion.  Win claimed she didn’t care, but –

Stable, Ezra thought.  Being bounced from department to department after she pissed off a superior officer wasn’t stable, and Win still craved stability.  If she didn’t seem to actually like being an Auror so fucking much, he’d have begged her to quit ages ago.

“So now I’ve been seconded to Covert Magical Investigations,” Win concluded.

“Ah,” said Ezra.  He paused, and then decided that the obvious question really did need to be asked.  “Doesn’t that require, oh, I don’t know, subtlety?”

“Fuck you, I can be subtle,” his sister grumbled.

“Win,” Ezra said patiently, “your default setting is ‘agent of chaos’ and your favorite word is ‘fuck.’  People tend to notice that sort of thing.”

“I’ll fit right in!” Win said cheerfully.  “Fischer wants me undercover with Reckoning’s lot.”

“I’m sorry,” Ezra said.  “I don’t think I heard you correctly, because what I thought I just heard you say was that your assigned department head wants you undercover with motherfucking There-Shall-Be-A-Reckoning Johnson.”

“Er,” said Win, looking somewhat taken aback.  “No, you heard that part right.”

“Motherfucker!” said Ezra.  “No.  No, no, no, and also hell no you are not going anywhere near that psychotic sister-fucking shit weasel!”

Win stared at him.  “So you’ve heard of him,” she said.

“Reckoning is insane.  Actually, literally, godsdamned crazy.  Whatever pox he had on his pathetic pencil dick has rotted its way up the rest of him and scrambled his brain like a motherfucking omelette.  The only reason he still runs a gang is because he scares the shit out of everyone else.  Even the other bosses won’t do business with him.”

“You are strangely informed about New York’s criminal underworld,” Win observed.

“I’m a bartender, Win.  You wouldn’t believe the shit I hear.”  And maybe he kept an ear out for that sort of thing.  Just because he wasn’t a petty criminal didn’t mean he wasn’t paying attention.

“Sure,” said Win, who clearly didn’t believe him.

Well, fuck.  At some point, Ezra was probably going to have to explain some of the things he’d done in the bad years.  He’d really hoped to avoid having that conversation with Win, especially now that she was an Auror.

That was going to be awkward.

Win sighed.  “I’ve got orders, Ez.  I don’t exactly get to pick and choose what orders I follow.”

“Then find a way out of them.  Piss Fischer off.  Hell, I don’t care if you have to seduce his damned wife.  Just stay away from Reckoning.”

“You worry too much,” Win said.  “I’ll be fine.”

She wasn’t.

A/N: Yes, I totally named Win’s brothers after the actors in the Fantastic Beasts cast.  

The Hughes siblings, circa 1926:

Ezra, age 48Miles, age 45Edward, age 43Colin, age 40Joseph, age 37Winifred, age 33Daniel, age 31

[waspabi]

If you are still taking passage requests (I know this was like two weeks ago), the scene in Wolfborn post-Snow Moon run, where Nicky goes "pack is fucked." Or the stand-off between Nicky and Malkin. Thanks! :)

I’ll do BOTH, half because I wanna and half because both scenes revolve around the same questions: how do you be a leader, how do you be an adult, how do you figure out how to be both those things and also yourself?  

Wolfborn is about a lot of stuff (werewolves, the body, a Disney Channel Original Movie of a sports arc, Nicke and Ovi boning down in a big way) but one thing it is pretty obviously is a coming of age story. 

Nicke’s gonna be an outstanding team alpha in our present and his future, but when we meet him he’s a distracted baby who keeps losing his suitcase at the all star game and once left a big money paycheck in his dumb fuckboy mercedes and forgot about it for a month (both facts, can provide receipts). 

So we’re looking at this big q: how does he get there?

Nicke tried to tamp down the irritation bubbling in his stomach. Everything was so frustrating all the time. No one took care of the pack properly, and when someone fucked up nobody said anything about it. No accountability, no reliable hierarchy. He had thought things were getting better but really it was just as fucked as before.

The fun thing about being an idiot baby is that a lot of the time you have no idea what an idiot baby you are, which Nicke doesn’t. He really thinks he’s got this shit handled and if he were alpha right now, he’d be able to fix all the pack’s problems. 

On the other hand, he’s got some fair points Nicke truly. Truly nothing pricks his hide more than mismanagement and a lack of accountability. For fuck’s sake! Basic concepts! He sees a lot of examples of what a bad alpha is, but he doesn’t see any good ones. All he knows is this is not what he wants to be. 

“You always grumpy mornings,” Alex murmured, kissing Nicke’s throat.

That — wasn’t untrue. Nicke tilted his head back, giving Alex more room to work with. He was starting to get hard, which was annoying. He had shit to discuss. Alex was so fucking distracting.

Alex does not wanna talk about this and is gonna pull out all the stops to change the subjects before Nicke gets to the inevitable question, which obviously is about to be sprung:

“Why didn’t you take it? Alex, you will be alpha. Why wait?”

Alex stopped messing with Nicke’s neck and pressed his face underneath Nicke’s jaw. “I’m not ready,” he grunted, voice hoarse. “I feel it. Still young, stupid. Guys see me like annoying cousin, little brother. Not alpha yet.”

Nicke wanted to protest. He wanted to tell Alex that he got to decide how the guys saw him, that he led by example, that he had bolstered the team too many times to count. He brought his hand up to cup Alex’s head instead, fingers moving slowly to detangle his thick hair. It wasn’t his call. He wanted it to be his call, but it wasn’t his call.

Alex doesn’t feel ready. It’s also why he’s refusing the captaincy – which IRL Ovi did because he didn’t think his English was strong enough yet – Alex is really shaped by external opinion at this point in his life and he’s pretty vulnerable despite his big talk. He also doesn’t want to do it alone. He can’t do it without Nicke, and as a rookie Nicke can’t take up that role yet. 

Nicke, on the other hand, is not dependent on external validation, even as a little idiot baby who lost his shoes before the All Star/YoungStars event and had to borrow a pair that was two sizes too small (facts, can provide receipts). 

“Anyway,” Alex said, tilting into Nicke’s touch. “I think is gonna be you. We both gonna be alpha, but. Think you gonna be my alpha.”

OH HO HO! I wrote this part of the scene like three days into writing the story because I was so excited about it. 

I imagined werewolf power structures within hockey were sort of flexible, but at the end of the day, the buck stops with the alpha(s). And within an alpha pair, one of those is the Big Alpha. Alpha Prime. 

I never came up with anything good title-wise for our Big Alpha position, but werewolf language was part of the whole language theme in the fic: there is no good word for any of it. All the words characters use for werewolf concepts are vague gestures at the concept at best: marriage is just the closest human concept for their sort of bonded-partnership-pack parents vibe. 

(honestly a significantly better translation for team alpha would be team mom/team dad, so like, if you wanna know who is the alpha of another team ask urself: who are the team parents, and you’ll know) 

MOVING ON! 

Evgeni Malkin and Sidney Crosby are used throughout the fic as a comparison: another young alpha pair, already in charge of their packs, but doing things very differently to Alex and Nicke. So I went into this scene thinking: how is Nicke flexing his power? His authority? His position as Alex’s partner? It’s all very new to him, and he’s just starting to try it all on for size. 

Nicke’s just got off the phone with Tatyana, and he doesn’t know if he’s met her approval, he’s feeling vulnerable and territorial and as a result he’s feeling particularly prickly. 

Evgeni Malkin smelled of scented deodorant, foreign pack and generic shampoo. He held his phone in one improbably large hand and came right at Nicke, frowning. The NHL forbade wolfborns from marking territory in their game arenas, but usually there were ways of getting around that rule — Malkin was clearly comfortable in his territory. He exuded that particular high-handed alpha nosiness from every pore of his skin.

“Yes,” Nicke said. He put Alex’s phone in his pocket.

“Sasha okay?”

Nicke set his jaw. The wolf itched under his skin. “Fine.”

“Was accident, before.” Malkin shrugged. “Hockey.”

“Yes,” Nicke said, and imagined sinking his wolf teeth into Malkin’s throat.

Geno’s actually being fine. He’s got a question! He’s just got a question, he’s comfortably existing in his own territory, he’s already an alpha, he’s confident in asserting himself and it’s making Nicke so ornery he’s gonna pick a fight for no good reason. 

“Want see if he come? We have plan. Drinks.”

“No,” Nicke said firmly. Alex was injured. There was zero chance he could go to foreign territory injured, without a member of his own pack to back him up.

Malkin raised his eyebrows. “Okay,” he said. “You talk for Sasha?”

Well, this was stupid. Nicke motioned to the empty corridor. “You see him? Right now, yes.”

This is one of those things where when you’re under pressure, sometimes you reveal the core of who you really are. Nicke’s stressed about Alex’s injury, about Tatyana, about his territory, about not feeling in control. 

As it turns out, at his core Nicke is bossy as heck, unbelievably protective of his big idiot husband and completely unwilling to lose a fight (that he started himself for no good reason). He’s truly himself in this bitchfest of a nonsense standoff, and nothing brings me more joy. 

This standoff was one of the most fun scenes to write. Mean Lars emerging from his chrysalis to dead-eye Evgeni Malkin, ah, chef-kissing-fingers.gif, perfect.  

Malkin glowered at Nicke, and Nicke glowered at Malkin. This might have kept on going indefinitely had Sidney Crosby not rounded the corner. Nicke slightly loathed the sight of him, his aw-shucks jawline and boyish curls improbably wholesome despite the vicious way he’d checked Nicke in the second period. Nicke hadn’t managed to get him back, which rankled.

Nicke has more conflict in the story with Geno, but it is Sidney for whom he has true deep disdain in his heart. 

Part of it is because Sid is already alpha of his pack and Nicke is jealous and feeling powerless which stresses him out, and the other part is because Sid does so much to make himself palatable to humans. He’s careful with grooming, careful to seem nonthreatening, careful with what he says – meanwhile Alex, obviously, could not be more of a werewolf stuffed into a suit if he tried

look at him! just shoved on in there ready to sign his crazy long contract. bout to bust free at any moment. mere hours away from delighted screaming with Nicklas Bäckström in a deserted carpark.

It personally galls Nicke when werewolves act tame or nonthreatening. Werewolf Nicke didn’t have to deal with humans in any real capacity for a very long time in his life, and he has little sympathy for people who feel they need to cater to them. Both Sid and Alex have had to deal with humans a lot but the way they’ve dealt with that pressure is in completely opposite ways, and for Nicke Sid’s way is… hm. Well. 

(Alex, meanwhile, does not care. sure, he doesn’t get that way of dealing with humans and frankly thinks it’s boring but he’s not gonna begrudge somebody their coping mechanism – so basically for nicke it’s all alex ovechkin is a good man. he’s got a good heart. he doesn’t hold a grudge. that’s what he has me [nicklas bäckström] for) 

This whole tangent is not really evident in the fic except in minute hints because it didn’t come up but it’s something I liked thinking about so: ur welcome for the unnecessary detail

I’m realising as I write this that I am essentially writing an essay about What Annoys Werewolf Nicklas Bäckström. Glad you asked: 

pack mismanagement

artifice 

omelets that are hiding secret mushrooms

hotel sheets

Thank you. 

Crosby glanced between them, frowning. “Geno? We have to go home.”

“Bäckström not let me talk to Sasha,” Malkin grunted.

“Uh, okay.” Crosby’s suit was terrible, grey and boxy, and he held a knit hat absently in one hand. “We have to go, though. Come on, Geno.”

Malkin looked between Crosby and Nicke like a dog torn between obeying his human and chasing down a particularly galling squirrel. 

I really liked contrasting Sidney’s very matter-of-fact non-reaction compared to Geno’s histrionics, and the exchange also revealed who amongst them is the alpha alpha: Sidney Crosby, which was confirmed to me by leading expert Eva @agonyandagony​, although I think at this stage of his life it was much less obvious. 

Sid and Geno (and Kolzig and Federov and Tatyana and Nylander) represent different ways of being an alpha. It’s that classic story thing of your minor characters being preoccupied with the same questions as your main character, and representing alternate ways of being. Each of them shows Nicke a way to be a leader, to be an adult, to be an alpha, and we learn along the way what he is going to take and not take onboard on his, like, Big Journey. 

Uh, anyway, thanks for giving me an excuse to write another 20k commentary to my werewolf fabrication, especially to talk about Mean Lars (Werewolf Edition) who is close to my heart and is someone I would give a 2 hour lecture about at the slightest provocation. 

[shamelessly4shameless-blog]

130lb Ukrainian Courage pt.19 - Bachelor party cont.

Mandy and Svet are God damn pros. Mandy somehow finds a free booth and whilst Svet slides through the crowd to get to the bar, neither of them missing a beat.

“Right. Hold this booth, do not let anyone steal it.”

Mandy orders her big brother’s, shouting to be heard over the music.

They both nod and sit on either side of the glitter covered table. It is something of a shame that no one in the Milkovich family ever took an interest in football because they would have made incredible defence linesmen. No one would get past them and the few people that try and gesture to the empty seats in the booth they have claimed are quickly dispersed. Iggy lounges back in his chair and gives Mickey a considering look that instantly makes Mickey squirm.

“What?”

“When did you know you were gay?”

It’s an unexpected question and Mickey sucks his lower lip, wondering how best to answer and whether to answer at all. Ordinarily he’d tell Iggy to mind his own fuckin’ business but he’s in an unusually good mood and his brother coming to a club like this … well, Mickey is a little touched by the gesture. Especially after everything that has happened lately.

“I didn’t. Not til Ian.”

“Seriously? You never looked at any other dude and thought ‘Fuck yeah I’d hit that … whoah! I’m a fag!”  

“Fuck off!”

Mickey shakes his head grinning, middle finger raised to his brother’s face.

“Nah man, I tried hard not to look at anyone or anything. Figured if I ignored it, it’d go away, you know?”

Iggy nods, accepting this as just another odd quirk about his little bro. Iggy isn’t someone who thinks about things too deeply. Not because he can’t, it’s just that he prefers not to. Some people, like Mickey, seem to over think every little thing and get worried about shit easily. Iggy doesn’t get that sort of concern. He often wants to shake his brother and say ‘Man, who the fuck even cares?’. Looking over at him now, Iggy realises that his question has sparked off one of those weird thought spirals Mickey gets and decides to cut it short.

“Hey, Mick?”

“Yeah?”

“You ever look at my dick?”

“Ew! Fuck you!”

Mickey laughs, rolling his eyes and wishing Mandy and Svet would hurry up. Mission accomplished, Iggy grins and waits for his beer to show up.

*

On the other side of the room Ian is waiting for his own beer. Debbie went ages ago and Fiona’s hip flask is running dangerously low. Kev and V haven’t touched theirs yet but at this rate they’re going to be buying all their drinks before midnight.

“What’s with the frown?”

Fi leans over and kisses the crease between Ian’s brows.

“Nothing, just … thirsty!”

Ian winces as the word leaves his lips, it is one of many, many words which earn him shots. Thirsty, hung, ball, wood … the list is pretty endless and sure enough Fi, V and Lip start drum rolling on the table as Kev lines him up a sly shot glass of smuggled vodka.

“Fuck! Guys, I’m never gonna make it through the night.”

Ian shuddered as the alcohol coursed through his system. His head felt light and the bright lights of the club seemed to pulse in time with the music, which there was a damn good chance they were. Everything felt too close, not in a bad way, but he’d have felt better if Mickey was there. Lip wasn’t wrong when he teased that Mickey was like a guard dog when it came to Ian, he had been for years really. Since the early days when Ian started working at the White Swallow, Mickey always showed up and watched for trouble. He guarded Ian with a loyalty that Ian had never known from anyone else and now, without Mickey there, the club feels too big, too loud.

“I need to dance!”

He declared suddenly and stood up. He was not going to act like a needy little bitch on his own bachelor party. Mickey was probably out at a dive bar having a great time and Ian would do the same.

Fiona grabbed his left hand, V grabbed his right and together they swayed drunkenly onto the dance floor. Ian felt better as soon as he began to move. It was like poetry, his body responded to the music and took him along with it and his anxieties began to vanish into the rhythms.

“Oh fuck!”

Fiona laughs and Ian grins hazily at her

“What?”

“Your fiance is here!”

“Mickey?”

Ian can’t help the hopeful note that enters his voice and V gives him a curious look

“You got more than one?”

Ian shoves her arm playfully and his eyes follow Fiona’s discreet point. Sure enough, there is a little  gaggle of Milkovich’s at a booth on the other side of the dance floor.

“Challenge them to a dance off?”

“Oh shit! West Side Story rumble!”

Fiona screams excitedly

“Bitch, you crazy? I ain’t takin’ on no damn Milkovich in a knife fight! Little fuckers were probably born cradlin’ a blade!”

V shrieks and then flaps an apologetic hand at the wide eyed look Ian gives her

“You know what I mean!”

“Mhmm.”

Ian gives her one more disapproving glance and then looks back to Mickey’s table with a little smile. He had no idea that Mandy was going to bring him to a Gay bar and the fact that Iggy is here too will mean a lot to Mickey, even  if he isn’t letting on.

“You want to go say hi?”

“No.”

Ian shakes his head, he isn’t being conceited but he knows that Mickey will gravitate towards him once he knows they are both in the same club. He won’t be able to help himself. Ian knows this because it is exactly what he is feeling at this moment and he thinks of all the times Mickey has watched him in clubs and smiles at the thought of quietly watching over Mickey for a change.

*

Mandy and Svetlana disappear off to the ladies room and Iggy disappears into the cloud of dry ice. Mickey sighs in contentment at the moment of solitude. He checks his phone and sees a message from Ian.

I: Have a great night Sexy.

Mickey smirks and types back quickly

M:U too. Missing ur ass.

Three little dots signifying Ian typing back appear almost immediately and Mickey smiles to himself, pleased that Ian is wanting to talk to him, even on his big night out.

I: Miss urs more. What u doing?

M: Waiting 4 drinks. In Boystown w/ Iggy!!!!

I: No way!? Thats cool of him! Having fun?

M: Yeah. Better if you were here.

I: <3

Mickey hesitates, glances over his shoulder self-consciously and then sends back

M: <3 <3

He puts his phone back in his pocket and drums his fingers on the table top. His earlier level of drunkenness is creeping back up and he realises that he’s got a raging boner pressing against his zipper just at the thought of his fiance.

“Jesus Christ.”

Mickey mutters, spreading his legs, letting his hand casually hang down to cover himself and tries to think of things to distract his stupid dick from its hopeless mission. Looking around he sees a couple of redhead lovers making out and hastily squeezes his eyes shut tight. That ain’t gonna help. Mickey studies his hands for a moment and glances up hoping to see Mandy coming back with more beers, instead he sees Svetlana making out with some chick with a buzz cut and a short leather skirt. Svetlana is grinding up against the woman and rocking her hips suggestively in time with the music.

“Oh thank fuck!”

Mickey sighs in relief and watches them kiss until his body is completely back under his control. He wonders how pissed Svetlana would be to know that he just used her to lose an erection he didn’t want. The thought makes him grin and he practically cackles in delight at the thought of telling her next time she annoys him. Tonight is awesome!  

Iggy reappears a few minutes later with glow sticks, a tub of florescent body paint and missing his shirt. At Mickey’s questioning frown, Iggy waves the tub at him happily

“Traded it for this! Paint me up, bro!”

Mickey takes the little tub of pink paint and curls his lip disdainfully as Iggy puffs out his chest, hands on hips.

“You traded a shirt for this shit?”

“Everyone’s wearing it! Do me, then do you.”

“Pink ain’t my colour man.”

Mickey shakes his head and dips his finger into the paint.

“Yeah well it’s gonna be mine! Make it all trippy and shit, like swirls and stuff ...”

“Uh huh…”

Mickey nods and helps Iggy do a few swirls and dots. The stuff does actually look pretty fricken’ sweet when it dries. Iggy dips his index fingers into the tub and swipes the paint in two high stripes beneath his eyes.

“Do my back!”

Iggy orders and Mickey tongues his lip impatiently. He dabs a few more swirls onto Iggy’s broad back and then gets bored.

“I can feel you slowing down! Just do something fuckin’ big and stop being a bitch.”

Iggy grins over his shoulder and Mickey’s eyebrows touch his hairline and he is about to shove the paint back into Iggy’s hands and tell him to paint his sweaty, gross back himself when he gets a better idea.

“Okay, done.”

Mickey nods and claps Iggy’s shoulder

“Cool! Okay I’m gonna go score us some more coke. Back in a bit.”

Mickey nods and watches Iggy navigate through the crowd, a giant, glowing pink cock running up his spine and erupting in a shower of swirling pink jizz at the base of his neck.

*

Mandy does a double take as Iggy weaves past her. Laughing, she wonders who the hell did that to him until she sees Mickey using his front camera to dab awkwardly at his face with the same paint.

“Hey! Picasso! Iggy’s gonna kill you!”

She yells, putting down the drinks. Mickey answers her with a wide cheeky grin and hands her the paint pot.

“Can you do me?”

“Cock or no cock?”

“Bitch, if you paint a dick on me ...”

Mandy waves off the last of the unfinished threat with a giggle and gestures for Mickey to sit.

“Check you out getting into your party!”

“Yeah. Thanks by the way.”

“No problem.”

Mandy is utterly relieved that Mickey is having a good time. Neither of them have ever had a birthday party or anything like this before and she just wanted it to be right for him.

“Have you seen Svet?”

“Muff diving a skin head.”

Mandy rolls her eyes but it doesn’t really matter. Mickey and Svetlana get on okay but she knows Mickey isn’t really going to care whether she actually hangs out with them or not. It’s enough that she came.

“Iggy’s getting some coke.”

“Cool! I’ll stick with my version!”

Mandy lifts her cola bottle and winks at her brother who grimaces

“Sure you don’t want me to find the fucker who knocked you up and knock his teeth out?”

He yells over the music and Mandy scrunches his hair in mock annoyance before smoothing it back.

“I’m getting you a dance!”

“What?”

“I’m getting you a DANCE!”

“No … Hey! Mand … Fuck!”

Mickey watches her go with mounting horror. He’s pretty fucking trashed but he’s not that trashed, not even close and Mickey realises that the only way to avoid having some Twinks junk shoved in his face is to disappear. He can see the tip of a familiar fluorescent penis a few paces away and lunges, grabbing Iggy’s arm and dragging him into the booth.

“You’re getting a dance! Don’t fuckin’ move!”

“Right on! I want a Bear! Get me a big guy!”

Iggy spreads his arms welcomingly and Mickey takes his opportunity to run.

*

Ian watches as Mickey darts into the crowd and tried to follow his movements but the smaller man is quickly swallowed in the throbbing mass of dancers. He wants to follow but Lip is pulling at his sleeve and Ian allows his eyes to turn reluctantly to his brother.

“Your present is here!”

“My what?”

“Your present! Your stripper!”

“Oh fuck!”

Ian rolls his eyes but grins lopsidedly as Lip and Kev push and pull him back onto a couch. Ian looks around for the college kid trying to earn some extra cash. All of a sudden, two powerful thighs are straddling Ian’s lap and he looks up at the beautifully built man above him.

“Hey babe. I’m Steve!”

“Ian!”

Lip answers for his brother who is struck momentarily speechless. The guy is built like a boxer, maybe thirty-five years old, with dark eyes and a shock of jet black hair swept back. He has tattoos up his arms and when he turns around, there is another peeking out of the sequin trunks. Ian closes his eyes and tries to guess what the illustration on the perfect, muscular ass might be.

V, Fiona and Debbie are all cheering and Kev is watching with a calculating fascination but all Ian can do is grip the faux leather seat pat beneath his thighs and pray that he doesn’t humiliate himself entirely.

“You can touch if you want to, beautiful.”

Steve’s voice is soft, but not South Side – not even Chicago. He sounds Southern or certainly heading towards that way. Ian shakes his head softly

“It’s my bachelor party.”

Steve gives him a nod of understanding and Ian settles back to watch him, feeling better about the whole thing. Once upon a time he would have loved this, but at best all he can say is that he doesn’t really mind it. Maybe it is all the horrible shit that has gone down the last few weeks, maybe it is just that he is truly committed to Mickey and their relationship now, but whatever it is, Ian doesn’t really want anything that Steve has to offer. Yes, he is gorgeous (Ian had heard Lip say something about being ‘like a tonk version of Mickey’) but he wasn’t Mickey and so Ian just didn’t have that much interest.

All the same, he tips heavily and grins lasciviously at all around him as if he has just had the treat of his life.

“Wanna ride the bull next?”

Lip asks, nodding toward one of the back rooms and Ian shrugs. He’s heard of the famous mechanical bull of boys town, a way to show off your wears all in the name of ‘good fun’ and most who ride it are looking for something more than a round of applause. On the other hand, it’s his party and Steve has hashed his buzz a little, so Ian figures he could do with livening up and he’s pretty sure he’ll look hot as Hell on it and if Mickey happens to see then maybe they can sneak off after ...

“Sure! Why not?”

He grins and hops on Lip’s back pointing dramatically onward

“Let’s go!”

He glances around for Mickey as he makes his way through the crowd and at one point swears he sees a guy wearing Mickey’s shirt but tells himself not to be ridiculous – plenty of guys wear button downs like that, it doesn’t mean it’s Mickeys.

“Holy fuck!”

Lip stops so suddenly Ian walks into the back of him with a soft thud. He is about to ask what is going on when he sees what it was that caused Lip’s freeze.

Beneath the pulsing blue and white lights, hips writhing and hands locked behind his head, Mickey Milkovich is riding the bull.

He isn’t just riding it.

He. Is. Riding. IT.

Ian feels his dick leap in his pants, so startling in it’s immediacy that it actually makes him gasp. He has never seen his boyfriend look so fucking sexy.

His teeth are set in his lip in concentration and his eyes are closed, biceps bulging out of a sleeveless Hawaiian shirt that he definitely did not own when the night started.

“What is it with him and those shirts?”

Lip yells over the music and although it is a question Ian would also like an answer too, his mouth is far too dry to try and speak. Mickey’s got body paint across his face, chest and arms in a series of neat patterns that make it look like his is glowing from within and in a way, that is exactly what he is doing.

Ian’s eyes trail down Mickey’s body, to his hips which are moving in ways that make Ian swear that first thing in the morning he is buying a full length mirror for their room and setting it up next to the bed. And further down, to his thighs, each thick with muscle gripping the plastic sides of the bull with a force that has several nearby men palming their pants and looking very, very fucking interested in just how much static force those isometrics can create. Even Lip is looking grudgingly impressed.

“I can see why you look so happy sometimes.”

He yells up at Ian who thumps him playfully on the arm.

Ian is about to say something back when a movement catches his eyes and a tall, built, red-head dashes across the padded area around the bull and leap frogs up behind Mickey, wrapping his hands around is waist and moving in perfect rhythm.

“Oh fuck!”

Ian looks round wildly for a bouncer, Mickey is having an amazing night and some asshole is about to ruin it by pissing him off and getting the shit kicked out of his grabby ass.

“Lip, do something! Mickey’s gonna fuckin’ kill that prick!”

Ian cries but Lip shakes his head and nods back to the bull.

“Seems okay to me.”

Ian whirls back to face the bull and jealousy floods his mind. Mickey is not beating the shit out of the guy, he’s leaning back into him, a small smirk on his lips and letting the guy bend him forward slightly …

Ian is moving before he has fully realised what he is about to do. He yanks the redhead off and his fist connects with fashionably stubbled jaw sending him sprawling backwards. He is dimly aware of Mickey calling his name, Lip pulling at his arms and the leap-frogger trying to crawl away but more than anything, Ian is aware that someone was trying to violate what is his.

“IAN!”

Tattooed fingers grip the fabric of his shirt and push him backwards, Ian’s heel catches on one of the safety mats and they crash over backwards together. Mickey lands on Ian’s chest with a soft ‘OOF!’ and Ian wraps his arms around him tightly.

“You’re okay. You’re okay Mick.”

He mumbles into the dark hair beneath his lips, squeezing Mickey’s arms as he slowly comes back into himself and the room around him.

“I know I am! What the fuck you playing at?”

Mickey pushes himself upright and runs a hand through his hair, looking around them. No one is staring, fights are not uncommon, and Lip seems to be smoothing things over with the security guard. The would-be suitor seems to have dragged himself away to lick his wounds or find someone to lick them for him and even the bull is still.

“What the fuck was that?”

“He was touching you and then he bent you forward like ...”

Ian shakes his head and presses his lips together.

“Hey. Hey fuck it man, it’s okay. I wasn’t in any trouble but its nice to know you got my back.”

Mickey lifts his lips in a small smirk and ruffles Ian’s hair.

“I’m sorry I spoiled it for you. Jesus. You looked really hot too.”

“What?”

“You looked really …”

The music swells as Ian wrinkles his nose in annoyance.

“BATHROOM?”

He bellows and Mickey nods, offering him a hand up.

*

The bathroom wasn’t much quieter but once Ian had them walled inside one of the tiny cubicles, the outside world felt at least a little muffled.

“You okay?”

Mickey asks as soon and Ian sits down on the toilet seat and pulls Mickey onto his lap, burying his head in the shorter man’s chest. He laughs a little at the question. So typical of Mickey to worry about Ian first.

“Yeah. Fuck. I’m so sorry, Mick.”

“Don’t worry about it. He had about two inches left of wandering hands before I did it myself.”

Mickey grins and kisses the top of Ian’s head.

“Did you enjoy your dance from that gorilla guy?”

“You saw that?”

Mickey raises an eyebrow

“I saw the beginning of it but uh … I’m kind of jealous. Figured it’d be best if I didn’t stick around.”

Ian laughs and rolls his eyes

“Turns out I’m a jealous fucker too.”

“Comes from a good place, man. You sure you’re okay?”

Ian nods. He doesn’t want to get into the weird feeling that crept over him so suddenly when that guy was manhandling Mickey but somehow he knows that Mickey gets it. Even calling it a good place, when they both know there was probably a lot of dark shit at play. That’s the thing with Mickey and Ian, when one of them is lost, the other one always gets it.

“You wanna go dance?” “You serious? Mickey Milkovich asking me to dance in a club?”

“Alright. Fuck you, go dance by yourself...”

Mickey pretends to get up and Ian tugs him down with a noise of distress.

“Hang on! First you need to tell me where you got that shirt.”

Mickey grins cheekily and thumbs his bottom lip

“Arm wrestled for it.”

“Why?”

Ian laughs

“Cause it’s sexy and I like the colours.”

“Fuckin’ weirdo.”

Ian kisses Mickey, both of them smiling into the warmth of it.

After a minute Mickey gets off Ian’s lap, dropping to his knees and working at the belt buckle holding up Ian’s pants.

“Fuck dancing. I can think of something better to do ...”

[lids-flutter-open]

more character development for an evil teacher from my book under the cut, sorry if ur on mobile

 Okay tv show

 Open on JULES VERNON HOLMES, at home in his kitchen. JULES is 36, with thinning brown curly hair. He has a pinched look to his face, because he recently lost eighteen pounds in three months. He wears glasses when he teaches high school history, but he is not wearing them now. The kitchen is cramped and made of a series of brown uniform prefab cabinets. There are no dishes in the sink and the counters are clean except for a piece of buttered toast without a napkin that sits next to the sink with one bite taken out of it. A long garland of garlic and onions hangs over the window like a party decoration. It is dark outside, and rain spatters the glass. JULES is standing on one leg in his kitchen, bracing his hip against the edge of the formica counter while he scratches at his calf with his bare right foot. He is wearing underwear and a T-shirt emblazoned with the name of a diner. He is struggling to open a pickle jar.

The phone rings from the next room. JULES starts, and his hand slips on the lid. He looks over at the oven. The clock on the oven displays the time as 12:18. JULES glances in the direction of the next room and scowls. He runs his tongue over his top teeth inside his lip, and does not move towards the ringing phone. JULES puts new effort into opening the jar of pickles. Across the room, there is a framed group photograph of college-age men standing with oars on the bank of a river. It includes JULES sixteen years before, when he was a member of his university’s rowing team. He is smiling; his arms are larger in the photo than they are in real life.

JULES opens the pickle jar with a pop. The phone is still ringing. There is only one pickle and a number of garlic cloves left at the bottom of the jar. He digs into the jar with his fingers, stretching his hand, and puts a garlic clove into his mouth.

 EXERCISE 2

 Jules was caught again by the display of different kinds of canned soup. He stood with his shopping basket on the linoleum tiles and held two cans of tomato soup in front of his face, studying the ingredients. One had cream and one had milk. There was another can of tomato soup on the shelf before him that had lentils in it, too. When he was younger there had only been one kind of canned tomato soup in every grocery store, or two. There were eighteen different things in front of him, all with different caloric and fat content. Jules was paralyzed. He put the soup with cream back on the shelf, and then picked it up again. It had higher fat content. Jules measured his blood pressure every morning before he ate breakfast. He threw the can into the cart, thinking that it would be better to eat real food than to find some watery diet version and be dissatisfied and end up binging on chips and peanut butter in the middle of the night. He would get the low sugar juice to compensate.

A man approached Jules in the aisle. He was older, and wore a gray sweatshirt and gym shorts. His shoes were dirty sneakers.

               “Excuse me,” he said to Jules. “Sir I don’t mean to bother you, but I’ve got no way else to do this, my daughter has a baby at home and we’re here to buy formula but it’s 37 dollars and they don’t let me put that on my credit card and I’m out of my EBT for the month.”

               Jules, whose mind had been in an alternate dimension of calories and aspartame and ideal blood pressure, jumped when he realized the man was speaking to him.

               “I’m sorry?”

               “Sir, it’s like a thing at this store, they don’t let you buy the formula with credit cards because some people just charge it on a stolen card, and I don’t have enough cash, and my EBT is all out for the month. But we have a baby at home and we need the formula, we’re all out. It’s my daughter. I wouldn’t ask for anything normally, I’m not that kind of man. Sir, I’m a military veteran, I served in Vietnam.”

               “Uh,” Jules said. He was not sure whether to look at the man’s eyes or not. “I don’t know what you’re asking me. I don’t have a lot of cash on me. I can give you a couple dollars.” He remembered he had only a fifty and a ten in his wallet, and tried to change tacks. “I think there’s an ATM outside the store to get money from a bank account.”

               “I don’t get paid till Friday,” the man said. “I don’t have money in my account.”

               “Oh,” Jules said. “Well, that’s—I’m sorry. And your daughter doesn’t have cash either?”

               “She’s at home with the baby,” the man said. “I didn’t want to ask her to come. Her husband left her and she’s saving as much as she can. Please, I just have to buy some infant formula for her.”

               Jules glanced desperately back at the soup, and then accidentally made eye contact with the man. He hated the way it made him feel to think of moving away down the empty aisle. He looked in his wallet and dug in it. His fingers hesitated on the ten and then took the fifty and thrust it at the man. “Good luck, sir,” he found himself saying. He couldn’t look into the man’s eyes. Jules already felt the sweat dripping down his back and a pillow of guilt emerging in his solar plexus, simultaneously related to giving the man too much money and at the same time to not being able to look in his eyes.

               “Thank you, sir, god bless you,” the man said. “I’m Boris. My name’s Boris. You’re a good man, you know that? Thank you, this means a lot. I won’t forget it.”

               “It’s no,” Jules said, and stopped, because it really was a problem. “I’m Jules. I hope you’re okay and the baby’s okay.”

               “We’re all getting by,” the man said.

               Night came. Jules’ cupboards were lined with the cans of tomato soup. He took an Ambien to sleep and then wandered around the house, looking out the windows.

                  Jules is holding the receiver of the phone up to his ear.

               “How have you been, then?” Jules says into the phone. He is still wearing the collared shirt and tie he wore to work. The papers he is grading are spread out on the table in front of him. He wants to make the kids excited about the grimy parts of history and he wants to make them understand the reasons their state developed the way it did.

               “Well, after the crash I’ve been just eating like frozen dinners,” Michelle says on the other end. “My arm is in the sling and all.”

               “Crash?” Jules tries to remember anything about a crash from the last time he and Michelle talked two weeks ago.

               “Mom said she called you. She didn’t?”

               “No,” Jules says. “Well, maybe if I was at work, but she didn’t call back.”

               “You don’t ever check your messages. I got in a motorcycle accident, isn’t that funny? Okay, it doesn’t sound funny, but here’s the context: I ran into an ice cream truck that didn’t signal and I literally flew over the top of the truck into the street and there were like four kids staring with their mouths open and one dropped his ice cream. I love like the mental image of everyone’s faces, it’s gonna bring me joy till the day I die.”

               “Michelle! Jesus!”

“My boss let me have the time off, it’s one of the good things about working as a nanny for a nice family, there’s no regular hassle about taking sick leave cuz she knows me. She’s even giving me a week’s pay, which like, must be nice to be rich, right? She’s so sweet though, and the baby’s so sweet.”

               “I warned you about that motorcycle,” Jules says. “Didn’t you already crash on a motorcycle a year ago?”

               “That time was worse. I got thrown into a tree! I mean, I was on more a path than a road. It was dumb. This time it wasn’t my fault, the ice cream company is even gonna give me compensation maybe if I can figure out a lawyer.”

               “You could seriously die, Michelle. Just get a car.”

               “I mean, I may have to. For now I’m using Mom’s.”

               “How is she getting around? Are you driving with, what, a broken arm? Why does nobody ever catch me up on this shit?”

               “Because you’re like this,” Michelle says. “And you don’t call, either. If you called Mom once a week you’d know what’s going on with everyone.”

               “You know how I feel about Mom,” Jules says. “I know you’ve sort of mended your relationship with her, but I still can’t forgive her. Especially after how she treated you and Ed when we were kids.”

               “Whatever, Jules,” Michelle says. Jules can see her rolling her eyes. “She’s here now and who knows for how long we’ll have her, you know? She’s a good person. I know she and you fought last month again, but just let it slide. She is how she is, and anyway she’s a lot better now. She just has her weird manias sometimes. She didn’t mean it about the nose job. She’s working at a paper here, you know. Or a gazette I guess. It’s about seafood restaurants. She’s working and getting up every day and she’s a decent, pleasant person. You can’t hold a grudge forever. She has all kinds of fun friends now too from her weird weed group. They’re really fun, there’s this gay truck driver who drops in whenever he’s in the city and has a ton of stories.”

               “This is crazy. I’m not going to talk to her. You said last year—do you remember what you said? Do you remember Mima’s funeral?”

               “So she got a little drunk. You can’t expect her to be well behaved at her ex husband’s mother’s funeral.”

               “So why did she even go?”

               “She just likes to have some fun. Like me. She’s just a little more messed up. Think about it this way, Jules, at least she left Scientology. Imagine if she’d stayed in it and we’d been raised like that. She’s gonna deal with this stuff the rest of her life but she’s like, in general a functional person. And she paints. It’s nice to have a mom who paints.”

               “She paints aliens.”

“How are your students? Are you teaching them about how to be good little mini George Bushies?”

“Michelle, so, I’m going to get off the phone now. I have papers to grade and I’m not having this conversation. I will say that I love you and I am asking you to please get a car, or take the bus, or something. I’m going to have nightmares about you on that motorcycle.”

“I could get a little quad. You know, four wheels.”

“Are you able to shop for yourself? Do you need anything?”

               “Jules, we’re really all right here.” Michelle takes a thin breath and Jules hears her exhale and imagines her smoking a cigarette on the balcony of his mother’s apartment in Seattle.

[justintimbershit]

1-116

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

I’m confused as to why this is double spaced. i don’t want it to be double spaced, yet its double spaced. why? fuck off. 

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

occassionally but not on a regular basis which is tragic 

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

no. thats fun. 

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

i trust too easily but i shouldn’t and it bothers me but like, when it matters i don’t trust that easily. i don’t think.

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

sitting in bed thinking i should sleep and then not sleeping for a couple hours bc I’m annoying as fuuuuuUUuuuuUuuck 

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

molly and lex definitely lol

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

probably cry forever and die 

8: Are you close with your dad?

not really but its fine 

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

i didn't 

10: What are you listening to?

jennifer talk like always when I’m doing these questions 

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

probably just water so then i can add flavoring #hacks

12: Do you like hickeys?

yes they’re nice 

13: What time do you go to bed?

whenever the fuck i want I’m an adult, but usually not before midnight ever 

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

nacho boy. this bitch. like u bought me nachos. then told me u wish u were buying me nachos. and then u tell me u wanna not talk bc ur talking to another girl. how many times can u fuckin say we’ll hang out then cancel on me then tell me i look hot then tell me ur busy for the rest of ur life then tell me u want me then ignore me and let our snap streak die. fuck YOU. 

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

not as quickly but i can still do it 

16: Do you always answer your texts?

usually always yes. unless I’m ignoring u. but even then ill answer eventually.

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

ummMmmMm idk who i fell hardest for tbh. but chances are yes bc i hate everyone  

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

im one of those ppl who constantly has to talk to her friends so like…5 seconds ago lol 

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

JOEY!!!! THE LOML!!!! he picked me up last time i saw him despite him being literally half my weight. i love him. he could never make me sad. he’s one of my safe spots. always happy in his arms. 

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

ummmmm i was waiting for a boy to message me back so probably about him tbh 

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

there is not………that i can see 

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

justin timberlake would say yes so i say yes 

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

no. i am 75634728930% happier now than i was four months ago. i love college. but I’m still not happy. just happier. ya KNOW 

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

ye i don’t know if things are necessarily broken but they def need fixing but also I’m not gonna try if they’re not gonna try YA FEEL 

25: In the past week, have you cried?

yes. i cried over a dog. 

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

white.

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

my teachers used to but not really anymore

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

umm the love of my life on tinder is potentially ignoring me or is maybe just really busy i don’t know but i love him and want him to message me back. also, nacho boy like always but iM OVER IT. 

29: Do you have a best friend?

id say i have many 

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

no. lol 

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

mary was my last text and my mother my last call 

32: Are you mad at anyone?

everyone tbh. i hate people. I’m mad at everyone forever. 

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yes like…..4 hours ago 

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

25

35: How many more days until your birthday?

ONE MONTH EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

lmao tf no i don’t even have plans for tomorrow 

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

yes joseph and peter r cool 

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

i do not really think so, but who tf knows 

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

i do not really think so?

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

not that i recall. i mean like now looking back, yes, obviously. but at the time no.

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

to an extent yes but also to an extent no 

42: Are you available?

not emotionally but physically 

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

like………i don’t even know if my feelings are real. don’t fucking ask me this. bye. 

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

nips 

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

i think so, if its the right kind of exes ya but shits never gonna work if there r still feelings 

46: Do you regret anything?

yes, being born 

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

how fuckin TIRED I AM I WANNA DIE 

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

indeed i have, my dude 

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

i wouldn’t say so 

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

bc hes involved w Satan (the girl not the devil) and i cant deal w that right now 

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

no he has not 

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

ummmm we haven’t talked since he dropped me off but he may text me tomorrow but I’m not about to text him first 

53: What was the last thing you ate?

restaurant style tortilla chips made w 7 seeds and grains 

54: Did you get any compliments today?

i think so. if the boy i had sex w didn’t compliment me i shouldn’t have had sex w him. I’m sure he said something 

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

i don’t even know if I’m going on a next vacation 

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

i do not think so, which is tragic 

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

girls currently 

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

illinois all my life which is LAME 

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

friday when my mom picked me up from school and drove me home 3 hours

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

yes in like 7th grade lol but not since i do not believe 

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

i don’t think so? 

62: Who do you text the most?

ummm this is a great question. maybe mary or ola. 

63: What was the last movie you saw?

i watched zootopia yesterday. i think it was yesterday. idk but i think that was the last movie i saw. unless I’m going crazy. wait jk i watched the beginning of mr. woodcock tonight but didn’t finish it 

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

i don’t have a current boyfriend/girlfriend 

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

zero 

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

no he is not U ALREADY ASKED THIS 

67: Do you curse around your parents?

nope they’d kill me i think 

68: Are you happy with where you live?

i suppose. it could be better but it could also be much worse 

69: Picture of yourself?

imagine a pile of shit inside a trash can filled w trash….thats me 

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

i like monogamy if its w a good person ya know.

71: Have you ever been dumped?

i do not believe so because i don’t recall ever being in a relationship 

72: What do you most like about making out?

when they stop making out w u and kiss ur neck  

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

yes, thats what all my make out sessions r like. I’ve never seriously been involved w anyone ever 

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

1000% other person bc I’m a PUSSY 

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

smile but also like…abs. fuck me up 

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

either alex or sam 

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

that has indeed happened lmao. 

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

that has thankfully not happened.

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

when boys call me baby :))))))) and flirts w me :))))))))) i love attention and boys being nice to me 

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

ummm. depends what ‘involved with’ means. fuck? yes. date? no. 

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

no bc nobody has ever had a crush on me lol 

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

i tell my friends and i have a decent amount of friends. 

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

my last sweetie does not exist, sweetie. jeez get off my fuckin case bro. 

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

probs never. i don’t ever recall slow dancing w anyone 

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

that was never a thing that happened. 

86: How can I win your heart?

PUPPIES and soft blankets and FOOOOD 

87: What is your astrological sign?

sagittarius 

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

nothing much different from what i was doing at 11pm last night 

89: Do you cook?

i do not :( 

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

no bc i have no old flame 

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

kinda, ya. :( 

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

ummm. i don’t wanna fall into a relationship too quick but also if i like someone i wanna date them ya know

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

nice hair, nice smile, nice body 

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

1. a smoothie 

2. a boy to cuddle me to sleep rn 

3. medicine to cure my brain 

4. money 

95: Are you a player?

i wouldn’t consider myself to be 

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

according to the definition of a day being 24 hours i believe yes but according to my definition of a day being from when you wake up to when you go to sleep no. 

97: Are you a tease?

I’ve been called a tease but i don’t think i permanently am. i just looked hot and had to get attention from a boy

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

i don’t think so??? 

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

yes. justin timberlake 

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

probs

101: Hugs or Kisses?

hugs 

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

yes 100% 

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

smile 

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

YES 

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

um id probs talk to them about it but tell them i wouldn’t if they were still in a relationship regardless ya know 

106: Do you flirt a lot?

i try but i fail a lot 

107: Your last kiss?

like 4 hours ago w a boy named colin 

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

yes

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

yes 

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

justin timberlake or brandon saad 

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

i have a solid idea 

112: Does someone like you currently?

i think so yes. possibly multiple guys yike 

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

i do and it HURTS 

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

id like to be in a relationship but everyone i want to be in a relationship w makes it impossible to do so 

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

yes. i have, thank u v much 

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

ive never been in. a relationship so i don’t have anything to compare it to.

[reading-myself-to-death-blog]

Throne of Glass: Chapter 1

Okay, I picked this book to start off with because I read it a million years ago at the ripe young age of 12 and haven’t read it since. All I remember is I hated it then so let’s see what happens now!

(On a side note, this is my blog, my opinion, and my post. If you don’t like people critiquing your series because you like your little bubble of perfectness, just move on. No one is forcing you to read my post!)

So we start this hell book with an introduction of our main character. Selena….celania….kalinia….CELAENA(Ding, ding–correct). She’s so cool she must be escorted by like 25 guards cuz she be so deadly…n…stuff…

“Most of the thousands of slaves in Endovier received similar treatment—though an extra half-dozen guards always walked Celaena to and from the mines. That was expected by Adarlan’s most notorious assassin.”

So, let me get this straight. She has to be escorted from the salt mines to whatever pile of dirt she sleeps on by like 25 guards? Not to mention, other slaves who are convicts (like thieves, murders, and the like) get the same one on one treatment I’m assuming as per the text says? (Not as much as her but the text does seem to be saying this in a way that other prisoners get escorted like her back to their own dirt pile.) Does this salt mine also breed guards so there is like 50,000 guards or something? How is any of that even practical? Why not just put them in some obscure dungeon and throw away the key at least then you don’t have a million guards on pay role. (Did the author forget that like guards get paid?) Or, better yet, kill them and be over with it?

Oh wait I forgot Celaena is spweshilll u can’t kill heeerr!!! Dat would be so mean of uuuuu...

Next, we get the first bonk over the head about Cinderella Celaena being the best assassin to ever even assassin like ever. Thanks, book. Not even one damn page in and u already got my back about the priorities and making sure I know that you have the best assassin ever to come onto a page. I would have never guessed that she was DA BEST if it wasn’t for you and your subtle blatant hints of this.

She is being led through a maze of halls and stairs to try to confuse her or something. One paragraph she is like “Oh, they are gonna get me so I’ve lost all direction and I’ll never be able to find me way out!!” Then literally the next paragraph is all dramatic like “IF I WAS STUPID LOL I KNOW WHERE I AM….SUCKERS” and for some reason the idea of all this makes her insulted but she feels bad for how much the guards are trying she isn’t insulted anymore.

She is so nice, guys like seriously! So nice she doesn’t feel insulted that the guards are terrible at their jobs.

Or something idk.

She has this crazy idea that the hooded guy escorting her is confusing her by wearing black clothes because there couldn’t possibly be any other reason why he’d wear black clothes except to trick her. She calls this idea flattering. For some reason. Another thing that the author doesn’t elaborate as to why our main character has these feelings. She’s just flattered. At his clothes. At him. At the idea of him confusing her maybe?  

“But her ears pricked when he’d introduced himself as Chaol Westfall, Captain of the Royal Guard—”

I just wanted to put this in here because her ears ‘pricked up’ like a dog or some shit and I find that funny.

Next, we get a monolog about how she doesn’t let herself be afraid anymore and we get the iconic over dramatic “I WILL NOT BE AFRAID” thing—SKIP!

She ends this monolog with “Not that she’d let the captain know any of that.” Because the two of them are gonna totally have afternoon tea together and somehow the conversation will come up about being afraid of things and you’ll pour this all out in an unrealistic way on ur first date and he’ll think you’re crazy for talking to yourself about being unafraid and then he’ll block you on FB—woah was I going off on a tangit? Where was I??

The next paragraph is her remembering how pretty she once was and how now she was ugly -insert a million frowny faces-

               “She was frightfully pale beneath the dirt. It was true that she had been attractive once, beautiful even but—well, it didn’t matter now, did it?”

You don’t say, huh? If it didn’t matter, why waste your word count even bringing it up???!?!?!

She notices Qual? Kale? Chowl? Chaol staring and smiles for some reason and the author doesn’t really explain why. Which I think is dumb. If you’re gonna have your character smile, at least be decent and inform me why they’re smiling all slyly like she seems to like to do.

The two knuckleheads have a conversation in which cinderella Celery (That is her name now.) is thinking about how fun it would be to kill him and how it was “Lovely” to hear a voice like her own from someone. EVEN THO HE’S A NASTY BRUTE N STUFF. (Seriously that’s in the text)

We even get a whole thing about how once she killed a person and the stickiness of the dude’s blood on her hands and face. So cool, much assassin. Now, do it! Make this book interesting!!!

Not gonna assassin for me? Not even a little? Every assassin like thing she’s going to is…going to stay in her head??? Okay…fine. So much for world’s best assassin or whatever your title is. More like world’s least assassin like assassin.

For some reason, Chaol gets mad at her for looking at him. Touchy boy, amirite?

Celery gets mad when Chaol doesn’t tell her where they’re going. As if he’s going to. Such an idiot. First rule of escorting a prisoner, you don’t tell them where you’re escorting them. How did she not know this?

She has yet another fantasy about killing him. BUT the hall is too loud so can’t do that. THOSE DARN HALLS!!!! Stopping assassins since….when did this book come out?

“While some prisoners were people accused of attempting to practice magic—not that they could, given that magic had vanished from the kingdom—these days, more and more rebels arrived at Endovier.”

Let’s talk about this passage for a hot minute. We get the first idea that there are people here in the salt mines, accused of practicing magic. But then it’s like: but you can’t cuz no magic—magic gone totally from land ya sad times yo. So, like, what is it? Do people now this? Is it common knowledge that the magic is completely gone? If so why are people still trying to summon magic even though they know that magic is gone like totally? Because if I lived there I’d be like. “Hm, no magic? Okay I won’t try anymore. I’ll burn all my magic stuff too so no one can accuse me. I so smart.” I wouldn’t continue to try to practice something that is gone. So, is it gone or is not gone???

“Celaena faced the room. On an ornate redwood throne sat a handsome young man. Her heart stopped as everyone bowed.

She was standing in front of the Crown Prince of Adarlan”

Two things:

First thing our assassin noticed was how handsome his face was, nothing more. Not anything useful.

Why is there a throne room at the salt mines??? (And maybe I’m just stupid and there is a logical explanation for why where is a throne here. Whatever.)

This whole chapter was just an ego booster for Celery. Like for real. Nothing happened. It took like 500 years for them to get to this weird throne room and all the way there it was like. “Celery is the best. So amazing. She could kill everyone here. Everyone is so mean to her so feel bad for her, but also root for her for some reason because she’s AN AMAZING ASSASSIN. She also was pretty once too! Also, she could kill everyone within 50 feet.” Seriously, this chapter was terrible. I feel no sympathy for this main character or admiration.

I guess I shall continue trudging through.