#Sam Melville

[ruleof3bobby]

BIG WEDNESDAY (1978) Grade: B

Had some real funny one liners mixed with some real emotional scenes. Some scenes reminded me of Animal House, which came out in the same year. Could had been a little shorter. Good ending. 

[tortoisesshells]

Dark Shadows: 58, 1, 67, 126 & Moby-Dick Ch. 7 "The Chapel"

[p-redux]

From Anon...

No, Anon, that's NOT Molly Melville. The Anon is referring to this video 👇

https://twitter.com/LadyT510/status/1721801888994390118?t=hEzqqd1jJXgUzCGyFzwOjg&s=19

Copy and paste the link to view it. I'm not sure why it's not automatically posting the video. But here are some screencaps from it. 👇

You can see part of her face here. 👇

That is NOT Molly Melville. I was told the redhead was Sam's assistant.

[soulsam]

top 5 characters

OF ALL TIME? FROM ALL MEDIA? JESUS CHRIST TIA

uhmm..

I can't put them in order,. but

hisoka. eridan homed stuck. taako taaco. yuki sohma. and of course. keith voltron.

ps I want you to know it took me over an hour of intense thinking to come up with this list and I'm still not entirely happy with it

thank you for the pain!

edit 6/18/23 taking eridan off the list replacing him with vash the stampede

[theblackestofsuns]

Listen To The Echoes (2010)

Sam Weller

StopSmiling Books / Melville House Press

[iishmael]

The fact that I adore Moby Dick but hated Nathaniel Hawthorne after half a page is literally the greatest tragedy of my life

[haveyouseenthisromcom]

[egoschwank]

al things considered — when i post my masterpiece #1099

first posted in facebook august 6, 2022

this is the 1099th in my "when i post my masterpiece" series:   sam messer -- "underwood" (2017)

"i know not all that may be coming, but be it what it will, i'll go to it laughing" ... herman melville "i've been making paintings of the typewriter for over 20 years now and i think that in this show particularly, i think if anyone looks at them they realize you know they can see the form but i think intuitively they understand that it just starts to speak to  the moment we are in ... at least hopefully that's my goal, right?  where things are hard to put language together, hard to communicate, hard, you know, things are breaking down, yet we are trying to maintain something" ... sam messer "for some, a typewriter is an antiquated piece of machinery, akin to a rotary telephone. it predates digital technologies and relies on forcefully tapping the keys. writing on a typewriter is much different than using a computer. it is hardly silent and often associated with a succession of loud clicks. in addition, one must insert a piece of paper to receive the ink, making the typing of numerous pages a laborious process" ... jody zellen "i know not all that may be laughing, but be that as it may, i'll go to it faffing" ... al janik

[imsorryimlate]

About to bring you very long and speculative meta about Moby Dick even though we are only 26 chapters into this thing and I have never read it before.

Back in chapter 13 when Ishmael said “from that hour I clove to Queequeg like a barnacle” I was like, huh. That’s a funny way to express it. Because clove – here being the more archaic past tense of cleave, that is, cling to – is often used in the Bible in relation to someone clinging to God, or at times clinging to a loved one.

I decided to check out the Hebrew word for it, which is דבק (dbq, dabaq) and it appears 54 times. I’m not gonna list all of them, but you can find the full collection here.

Now, let us look at this word. I will bold the English word that corresponds with dbq. I use the KJV translation because it consistently translates dbq as “cleave”, while newer translations will generally use cling, hold fast, stick, etc.

Here are some instances where it relates to love/marriage:

Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

Genesis 34:3 “And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel.”

1 Kings 11:2b “Solomon clave unto these [his wives] in love.”

However, the word is not only used this way. It has more “everyday” use as well, for example:

Psalm 22:15a “My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws.”

Psalm 102:5b “My bones cleave to my skin.”

1 Sam 31:2a “And the Philistines followed hard upon Saul and upon his sons.” (literally “the Philistines cleaved to Saul and his sons”)

I think here, what these examples demonstrate, is that this word suggests a certain intensity. The Philistines were not simply following Saul and his sons, they were clinging to their heels. The Psalmist isn’t just skinny, his flesh clings to his bones without anything in between, you can see his skeleton through his skin, etc.

It is therefore also used to demonstrate deep loyalty:

Ruth 1:14 “And they lifted up their voice, and wept again: and Orpah kissed her mother in law; but Ruth clave unto her.”

2 Sam 20:2b “But the men of Judah clave unto their king, from Jordan even to Jerusalem.”

Which brings me to my original point, that it is used specifically about a worshipper’s commitment and loyalty to God:

Psalm 63:8a “My soul followeth hard after thee.” (literally “my soul cleaves to you”)

Deuteronomy 10:20 “Thou shalt fear the Lord thy God; him shalt thou serve, and to him shalt thou cleave, and swear by his name.”

Deuteronomy 13:4 “Ye shall walk after the Lord your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him.”

Joshua 22:5b “To love the Lord your God, and to walk in all his ways, and to keep his commandments, and to cleave unto him, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul.”

Joshua 23:8 “But cleave unto the Lord your God, as ye have done unto this day.”

These are just a handful of examples, there are way more, especially in Deuteronomy. And I just feel like, with how Melville strews biblical references all around, it cannot be a coincidence. Or am I reading too much into it?

Then I started thinking about this post, where @animate-mush suggested that Queequeg is whale coded. Which would then not leave my brain.

Because see, the book very much presents whales similarly as the Bible speaks of them and other creatures of chaos, such as the leviathan (which, we do not know exactly what it is, despite the Hebrew word for whale being the same). Which is to say, primordial creatures, present since the creation of the universe, creatures of chaos that only God can control – sometimes with huge effort (depending on which theological strata we’re talking about but that’s not relevant right now). These forces of chaos are not the anti-thesis of God, per se, but they’re something on the outskirts of our world, something to fear, something to be grateful that God subdued, something that could very well be considered divine in itself (for example, the sea god Yam in Canaanite mythology).

Which leads me to my next point, which is that many theological strata in the Bible are not concerned with monotheism, but rather monolatry, that is, the acceptance of several gods existing, but only worshipping and being loyal to one. For a lot of culturally Christian people, myself included, the way God is approached is like, you either believe in God or you don’t. The constant reminders we find in the Bible to be loyal to the Lord might feel a bit like, you know, “yeah duh, if you believe in God obviously”, but it wasn’t that simple. God is the God of the Hebrew people in the Bible because they chose God, and they did it for a reason: the Exodus, that is, God saving the Hebrew people from slavery in Egypt, demonstrating God’s power and loyalty. So the loyalty is reciprocal – the people is loyal to God, and God is loyal to the people (help them, keep them safe). The need for God was not placed in the future, in the idea of Heaven and eternal life, but rather it was urgent and present right then; you would rely on your God for crops to grow and children to be born, you would rely on your God to keep you safe, to help you out of your enemies’ grasp. But if your God could not provide, there were other gods to turn to, who might help you instead.

The reason I bring that up is that, well. It’s interesting that Ishmael’s statement that he “clove to Queequeg” happened after they had already done their whole marriage thing. They had already decided to be ~husband and wife~ (no matter how tongue-in-cheek that designation is), they had already decided to share their earthly possessions, they had already made their “wherever you go, I go” promises. So him cleaving to Queequeg here is not in the marriage way, since that has already been established; he cleaves to him in a different manner now.

So what I have suggested here is that Queequeg is whale coded → whales are creatures of chaos and near-divinity → people cleaved to God in a reciprocal loyal and beneficial relationship, even in the presence of other deities → Ishmael watches Queequeg save a man from the depths of the chaotic sea → Ishmael decides to cleave to Queequeg.

Now, I would definitely not go as far as suggesting that Queequeg is God or “God-coded” or whatever, or that Ishmael would worship him as such. But there is something here, isn’t it? In this scene, Ishmael cleaves to Queequeg not as a companion, but as a protector and as a force to be reckoned with.

[script-supervisor]

Carol Banker ... script supervisor (74 episodes, 1998-2002)

Wendy Mclean ... script supervisor (42 episodes, 1993-1995)

Helga Ungurait ... script supervisor (42 episodes, 1995-1998)

Patricia Barry ... script supervisor (28 episodes, 1994-1998)

Anne Melville ... script supervisor (10 episodes, 1993-2002)

Nancy McDonald ... script supervisor (8 episodes, 2018)

Corey Jones ... script supervisor (6 episodes, 2015-2016)

Terry J. Murray ... script supervisor (2 episodes, 1994)

Stephanie Rossel ... script supervisor (1 episode, 1993)

Sam Sullivan ... script supervisor (1 episode, 1993)

Portia Tickell ... script director (1 episode, 1993)

Lara Fox ... script supervisor (1 episode, 1996)

Danielle de Smit ... script supervisor (1 episode, 2018)

Canyon Prince ... script supervisor: splinter unit (uncredited) (19 episodes, 2001-2002)

Luke Bradshaw ... second unit script supervisor (uncredited) (3 episodes, 2015-2016)

Patricia Harry ... script supervisor (uncredited) (1 episode, 1996)

Kelly Moon ... script supervisor (uncredited) (1 episode, 1998)

[thinkingaboutbetterdays]

this could be the beginning of something great. ( sam malone x reader )

gif belongs to me

You met Diane when she worked with Sumner and when their engagement fell apart, you were the only one who stood by her while everyone else claimed she was a homewrecker - and a bad one at that. You had warned her about pursuing a relationship with Sumner but when news of their engagement broke, you appeared happy for her, although you had a feeling how it would end.

For weeks Diane lied about working at Cheers, embarrassed to be working as a waitress, but you found out about her new job when you had a drink in the bar while waiting for your reserved table at Melville's to be ready.

You approached the bar, raising an eyebrow at the blonde who pretended to be cleaning glasses. "Do you work here?"

"Yes." She admitted. "But only until I find somewhere else."

You shook your head, "And you didn't tell me because..."

"Well, look at this place." She gestured wildly and you looked at a tall brown-haired man when he called out, "Hey!"

"I agree." You pointed at Sam, "I think it's nice."

Sam grinned, sliding up next to Diana, "Well, thank you. Sam Malone." He held a hand out and before you could shake it, she hit your hand away with a towel.

"He owes the bar," Diane explained, glaring at him.

You turned when your friends called for you to join them upstairs at Melville's and you looked at Sam. "It was nice meeting you, Sam." You looked at Diane, "We'll talk when I get back."

When you walked away Diane noticed the lift of Sam's lips and knew what he was thinking. After working in Cheers for three weeks she knew exactly what kind of man he was, and it was not the type of guy she wanted interested in you.

"Your friend seems nice."

"Don't even think about it."

Sam held his hands up, "I'm just saying -"

"Ah!" She pointed at him and he raised his eyebrows when she walked away.

Almost two hours later you returned to Cheers after dinner, this time alone, and sat on one of the barstools, smiling at Sam when he approached you.

"What can I get for you?"

When you told him your drink of choice, he began to tell you what it told him about the type of person you were and you rested your chin on your hand, a faint smile on your lips as you observed him.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. I happen to like that in a woman." He said as he placed a napkin in front of you, followed by a glass.

You shook your head, taking a sip while Sam propped his foot behind the bar, resting his elbow on his thigh. "You see it's all to do with the...uh,"

"Frontal lobe." You supplied with a smile.

He snapped his fingers, pointing at you. "Exactly."

You shook your head, your smile growing.

"How was dinner?"

"Overpriced slop. The conversations were hardly stimulating either." You replied.

"You know, I know a nice little Italian place nearby that we could go to and have a little stimulating conversation."

Diane appeared before you could respond and sprayed him with soda. Sam retreated and you watched the two with rapt attention, sipping your drink. Sam went to his office to get a fresh shirt and Diane took the time to warn you about Sam Malone - former relief pitcher for the Red Sox and serial womanizer.

You listened as she listed all the reasons you should not go out with him and when you had heard enough, you held a hand up to silence her. "If it means that much to you, I will steer clear."

Diane topped up your glass before leaving to wait tables and when Sam returned she was carrying drinks to the pool room. You smiled when Sam rested his arms on the bar and spoke before he could.

"Were you really a relief pitcher for the Red Sox?"

"Diane told you about me?"

You nodded. "She also mentioned that I would be doing my fellow women a disservice by going out to dinner with you. She said you are an eternal bachelor who asks women out for one night and never call them back, nor do you answer their calls." You sipped your drink as he straightened, hiding your amusement at the situation.

"I asked you out to dinner because I think you're funny and smart but you don't take yourself too seriously, and I like that. Not because you're attractive. You are, but that's not the only reason."

"So this restaurant you mentioned earlier...still need a date?"

Sam was visibly surprised, which quickly turned into a grin as he nodded, propping his foot up behind the bar, leaning his arm on his knee. "Yeah. But what about -" He paused to quickly look around for Diane and you smiled when he turned around. "little know-it-all over there?"

You shrugged, "I like to make my own assessments of people."

Sam lowered his leg, resting his arms on the bar, smiling as he began to arrange a time to pick you up, as you wanted to go home and change. Diane set her tray down loudly, and you looked at the blonde who was glaring at Sam before meeting his gaze. "Can you give us a second?"

Sam walked away to the other end of the bar and you sighed as Diane began to try and talk you out of going on a date with Sam. You stood up from the barstool, approaching her. "Diane, sweetie, I love you, and I will heed your wisdom. But I want to go out with Sam tonight and as my friend, as I have done for you, I want you to be happy for me." You took her hands, "And if you can't pretend."

She sighed, looking away before slowly nodding. "Alright. I'm sorry. He's just..."

"Good looking, funny, athletic..." You trailed off with a small smile. "I know you were trying to look out for me. And I love you for it. " You hugged her briefly before picking up your bag. You turned to Sam who was poorly hiding his intrigue in your conversation. "See you later, Sam."

He sent you a smile and a wave. When you walked out and the door closed, he glanced at Diane, doing a double take when he saw the blonde's expression.

"Now, Diane, before you do something stupid I want you to take a second and think about -" She reached over the bar and sprayed him with soda, soaking Norm and Cliff in the process as Sam ran for cover.

You looked through the window, crouching on the staircase, and shook your head with a smile. When you looked into his eyes you knew this could be the beginning of something great.

[dovethewhiteswan]

About me ౨ৎ⋆ ˚｡⋆

𝄞 My name’s Lee

4teen

she/her

I adore……….

♡ Color: pink  ♡ Scent: ari eau de parfum   ♡ Food: raspberries, strawberries and cream   ♡ Brands: miu miu, chanel, dior, milk, too faced, pink, brandy melville, sanrio ♡ Musicians/Bands: lana del rey, lamp, mitski, deftones, slipknot, slowdive, the smiths, TXT ♡ Songs: tried of singing of the blues (lana del rey), summer of sam (lana del rey), rosemary (deftones, ♡ Movies: girl interrupted, black swan, scream 1-4, 10 things I hate about you, disney’s descendants, mean girls, the princess diaries, the perks of being a wallflower ♡ TV shows: scream queens, scream MTV series, gilmore girls, shameless, skins, victorious, icarly, sam and cat ♡ Celebrity crushes: rory culkin, huening kai, finn wolfhard, ross lynch, skeet ulrich, johnny depp

The tiny details ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I enjoy playing roblox, baking, reading, watching horror movies, shopping for new clothes, going to the mall, autumn, winter, earmuffs, uggs, starbucks frapes, listening music, rain, snow, going to the beach, converse, and 2000s/2010s movies. I play soccer and archery. I hope we can be friends !!! 🕸-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

[p-redux]

Did you see the whisky woman's post on her IG where she says that one of her best days in life was the day she met Sam!

Anon is referring to Molly Melville, the Scottish woman living in New York that Sam was photographed with during the Keepers of the Quaich event in New York a few weeks ago. She posted this a few days ago. 👇

She only posted 4 pics and Sam WAS one of them. 👇

But, I think it's a big leap to say that the day was one of the best in her life because she met Sam. It sounds like it was a great day because she shared something special with fellow Scots, not just Sam. But they do make a cute couple. Imagine if after all his travels, dating women from different countries, he ended up with a Scottish woman. But, for now, I'd say nothing to see here...

[roonyxx]

Same 4/4 Different Souls

By Roonyxx and Jay-and-dean

Pairings : AU Dean x reader, Dean x reader

Summary : Two Deans… What could go wrong ?

Serie Warnings : Smut, Angst, hurt (and jealous) Dean, hurt AU Dean, hurt reader… hurt everyone, Swearing.

Wordcount : 3.8k

Note : This is a collaboration beetween both of us. We can’t both edit the same post, so we decided we would post 1 chapter/2 each. This is the final chapter of Same; shout out to my babe @jay-and-dean for working with me on this amazing journey, I hope you all enjoyed this adventure as much as we did!

We both worked as much on this story and it’s the result of both our brains but also both our hearts.

Please, if you want to show love for this story, don’t forget we were together in this.

Part 1: Same eyes

Part 2: Different hearts

Part 3: Same names

Jay’s Masterlist

Roonyxx Masterlist

———————————————————————————————————–

         4. Different souls

Dean came down the stairs from letting the Winchesters 2.0 out. Wiping his face, he was relieved that they left. But he could see that Y/n was clearly upset, she was wiping her eyes and sniffing.

As Dean ascended the stairs he sat down at the illuminated world map table, his eyes focused on Melville Canada.

Sam stretched his back, he could feel the obvious tension between the two and he didn’t want to end up in the middle of it.

“I’m exhausted from the whole double me double you thing, i’m gonna get some sleep guys.”

Dean looked up at his brother. 

“Night Sammy.”

Y/n turned to Sam, trying to hide her eyes.

“Goodnight Sam.”

With that Sam left them behind in the war room. 

“You okay sweetheart?” Dean asked as his eyes tried to met hers.

“Yeah… I just need a drink” she said a little too coldly. 

The other Dean’s words had hit her like a slap, and she really felt confused and… hurt somehow. 

Y/n got up to take a glass and a bottle of whiskey, sitting across from Dean without a word. He frowned. When he opened his mouth to say something, she cut him :

“I think you have had enough whiskey for a while Dean.” She said gruffly.

“Yeah you’re probably right.” He scratched the back of his neck. 

Y/n filled up her glass and shot it all down at once. Her eyes focused on the table in front of her. 

The tension in the room was palpable, both of them had obviously things on their hearts but each one was waiting for the other to address the elephant in the room. 

Dean let out a big sigh.

“What did he tell you? It looked serious. And you’re upset…” He watched her face, to see if he could read her, but she looked… shocked? Scared even.

“Nothing that matters.” She took another drink, no way she was gonna tell him and make things even worse.

“Stop being like that, Y/n… Talk to me.”

Talk to him ? When he was himself letting her with no answer ! He got hurt, fine ! But why that reaction ? Why not telling her anything else than I’m sorry.

“I know you’re furious or something.” Y/n didn’t make eye contact when she finally talked, letting her frustration overcome her guilt. 

“Furious ? I’m not furious ?” Dean frowned. 

Y/n scoffed dryly. 

“Oh yeah not at all, isn’t that why you drank an entire bar ?”

Dean leaned over the table to take her hand in his.

“I’m not furious Y/n.”

Y/n pulled her hand out of his grasp.

“I never saw you that drunk Dean, and believe me, I have seen you drunk.”

He slumped back in his chair, rubbing his hand over his face,

“It wasn’t because I was angry with you Y/n.”  

“Not angry huh ? You came home and went all fight club!” Y/n finally yelled at Dean.

“I wasn’t angry with you, not even with him!” Dean yelled back.

“Then why did you hit him ?” Y/n questioned him. “Please answer, this time…”

Dean looked down at his hands on the table.

“If he didn’t wear the same face it wouldn’t have happened. I was angry at myself.”

“That makes no sense Dean.” He could see she was annoyed now.

Several silent minutes passed, Y/n’s annoyance turned to a deep sadness, he wasn’t going to talk, she will have to leave with the idea of hurting him that bad, but not knowing exactly how. Tears filled her eyes as a lump grew in her throat. After a while, Dean looked at her and sighed, she was in pain, he had to do something.

“How long have we known each other ?” 

“7 years.” Y/n shrugged. She very vividly remembered when she first laid eyes on the man she knew she would love forever.

“I was drunk because I was… hurt.” Dean told her.

Y/n frowned.

“How do you mean hurt ?”

“He achieved what I wanted for years in just one day…” 

“I have no idea what you are talking about, Dean.” She looked at him, trying to read what he was saying on his face.

“I was jealous.” he softly shrugged, in a way to make it seem like it was no big deal. 

“Jealous ? Of him ?” Y/n didn’t understand what he meant, of course.

“Yes! He touched you, he kissed you,  he got to smell you and keep you close, he got to know what it’s like to be with you, like really be with you. He got to taste your love, he got to see every inch of you, to admire you in the way I always wanted to. When i close my eyes all I can see are his hands on you, hear the noises you made for him and it…it hurts Y/n.” 

Now Dean had finally talked, he couldn’t stop.

“But -… I- you want to have sex with me?” Y/n wasn’t sure she heard him right.

Dean shook his head, a deep sigh leaving his lips. 

“I- I’m sorry.” 

“Dean answer me, did you want to fu-… have sex with me ?” she had to know.

He scoffed darkly.

“Not just sex…”

Y/n waited for him to further explain what he meant with that. 

Dean looked her in the eyes.

“I l-love you Y/n.” He stated his voice wavering, he felt so vulnerable, more than ever. He could feel his eyes getting wet despite his will to keep some composure. She didn’t love him, he was sure of it. 

“Wh- what ?” She looked at him like he grew a second head. 

“I know, I’m sorry, I… I can leave if you want.” Dean was getting out of his chair but she stopped him with a shaky voice.

“Did he tell you to say that ?” He could see the tears threatening to leave her eyes.

“What ?” Dean tilted his head to the side. 

Y/n was getting up now, ready to leave. Of course he told Dean that she loved him, he probably wanted to do her a favor, but he just made it worse.

Dean grabbed her arm with a firm but kind gesture making her stop. He didn’t want to frighten her, but now that he revealed his deepest secret, the one he actually thought could ruin his life, there was no way he could live not knowing what she thought of that.

“What are you talking about ?” 

She pushed his hand off her, gently.

“He told you to say that, to make me happy RIGHT ?”  

“You mean other me ?” Dean questioned, confused, still a little shaken by his own confession.

She didn’t answer but Dean could read of her face that he was right.

“He didn’t tell me anything ! Why would he? What would he say to me Y/n ?” 

“Because of this soulmate thing !” a sob choked her and Dean’s eyes widened.

“Soulmates what ?” 

“He… Him and his Y/n were soulmates and he… He seemed to think that… “ she couldn’t find her words, or her breath, rib cage suddenly tight. “Dean, he was confusing his love story with our friendship  I think, he kept telling me we should be together, but I… I told him.” 

“Told him what ?” Dean lightly shook his head.

“That it was not the same, that you…” 

She turned and pushed at Dean to give her space. And he couldn’t move. 

A million ideas passed through his skull without staying. Soulmates ? How could she know ? What did it even mean ? Did that mean the other him and his Y/n were soulmates too ?  Were they, himself and the woman he loved so much, soulmates ? Or not at all ?… He swallowed, like it would move the lump in his throat. Was it possible that he, himself, had a soulmate ? Was it… 

She weakly talked again, saving him from drowning in his questions.

“But he knew so…” Tears were rolling down her cheeks. 

“He knew what ?” Dean now held her tight by the upper arms.

“That I love you !” She half screamed at him, the words hurting her throat on their way out. 

His grip on her loosened, he stood before her as she looked down at her feet.

“Wh-what?” Dean gasped.

“I told him, I’m sorry you… I know you don’t feel the really same and I-”

“You love me?” Dean cut her off.

“Yes Dean… why else would I have sex with him ?! Why … among all the men, would I want him ?” She finally dared to look up at him, her vision blurry because of her tears.

“Because he got the looks without the crap ?” He stated with a sad smile, it broke her heart that he could think of himself like that once more.

“Because I wanted to know what it felt like to kiss you, to have you inside of me, Dean… To hear you moan my name for once…” She muttered the last part as she looked straight ahead to his chest, not wanting to see the disgust in his eyes because she used the other Dean for her own heart. 

She felt his hand on her cheek, tilting her head up so he could look in her eyes. 

“I want to give you all of that. I love you, Y/n.” He whispered as he wrapped his arms around her.

She put her head on his chest, softly sobbing. She could barely believe what he was saying, her heart racing in her chest, echoing in her head, tears heavily falling between them directly to the floor. How could it be true… And yet, she felt it. In his hand holding the back of her neck, in the soft held back sobs making his chest tremble, in everything that emanated of him, she could feel love.

“He’s not you, I know that because even when I was with him. I only thought of you. I love you Dean.” She lifted her chin to dive in his eyes. “I love you so much.”

He bent down to slowly catch her lips in a tender kiss, barely grazing at first, to then crush softly on her craving mouth, finally feeling her lips on his. He sighed in relief, like he could breathe for the first time in ages. 

Her hands wrapped around his neck pulling him down to her, she felt his tongue softly grazing at her bottom lip, wanting access, needing more. It was her. She had seen him kissing, each time clenching her fists, but this time it was her… She parted her lips and let his tongue start a raging fire in her whole body.

But she broke that heavenly kiss because she needed to hear those words again, she to be sure she wasn’t making all this up in her mind :

“You really love me Dean?” she questioned once they parted.  

“I really do Y/n, I have been loving you for a long time now.” 

A soft smile formed on her lips as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him again. She couldn’t have enough.

“I’m sorry for… sleeping with him I just, I was stupid… sorry.” She hid her face in his neck again, a wave of new guilt hitting her, if he was in love with her like she was with him, he must have been through hell.

“I’m sorry for acting like a dick and being so hard on you… I was just hurt.” 

She slowly started kissing his neck, which pulled a groan from Dean.

“Let me show you how much I love you sweetheart.”

His lips crashed onto hers hungrily, pouring all his love into it. His hands traveled down her body to the back of her thighs and he whispered.

“Jump.”

She jumped up and locked her legs behind his lower back, her arms wrapped around his neck as he carried her to his room.

Entering his room he kicked the door shut behind him, walking to the bed to drop her on it.

He stood at the edge, just watching her for a moment, enjoying the sight before him, and he tried to ignore memories of her voice moaning that stranger’s name. He could see the blush crawling up her neck.

“You’re so beautiful.”  He said as he crawled over her. 

Her hands cupped his face, just watching him, now that she shamelessly could. Taking in every inch of him, she could see he was doing the same, admiring each other for the first time.

The wrinkles around his eyes as he wore a small smile, the freckles dusted across not only the bridge of his nose but also up his temples, his scruff that slightly scratched against the palms of her hands. His lips slightly parted, spit slick and swollen from her kisses. Her fingers touched the fine naked line between his scruff and ear, the skin feeling incredibly soft beneath her touch.

His eyes were a deep, enchanting shade of green. Her favorite color, she never liked green before she saw his green, they held such warmth and comfort, she wanted to drown in them every time.  

His hands moved down her sides, feeling her steady breathing beneath her ribs, her heart thumping in her chest. He moved them down until he reached the end of her shirt to push it up, lowering himself to kiss every inch of skin that was revealed to him. His tongue leaving behind a wet trail, sucking a mark near her belly button.

His touch was intoxicating, she was already panting as her hands fisted his hair which made him smirk against her skin.

He pulled the shirt over her head,, eyes darkening at the sight before him. His hands moved behind her back to unclasp her bra, his finger went to  her shoulders as he moved his thumb over the hickey on her neck, as if he was trying to erase it.

“I’m sorry…” If he wasn’t so close he would have never heard her whisper the apology. 

“It’s okay Y/n, I’m not mad.” He lowered his face to her neck, sucking a mark over the one she already had and switched to the other side to mark her there too. 

Everything was different, his mouth was way more eager and his hands roamed, conquering, discovering her and earning every moan, every little whimper slowly. Her body reacted different too. This was Dean, her Dean, and every touch was overwhelming.

Her hands tugged at his shirt.  

“I need to feel you Dean, please ?” She fisted his hair to make him look at her.

He smiled at her, how could he ever refuse her ? With one hand he gripped the back of his shirt to pull it of.

“Woah…” she gasped, her hands carefully touching him.

“What? It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” The words left his lips before he knew it, he didn’t mean it in the way she thought. Her eyes flickered down, her hands leaving his chest.

“No baby… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” He took her hand and placed it back on his chest. “I’m not angry, it’s just… the jealousy, it can be overwhelming.” He admitted to her as he could see a small smile on her lips.

“What?” he asked her. 

“You called me baby.” She said as her smile grew. 

“I did, because you are my baby.” He pecked her lips and felt her hands push a little at his chest to roll over him.

She straddled him once he was on his back, a small satisfied  smile gracing her face.

“I want you Dean, not a copy. You.” His hands held her by the waist as she shyly started to grind on him. He bit down on his lip, guiding her movement, encouraging her by pushing his hips up.

She bend down, her chest flush against his, her nipples rubbing against his. Her hands went up in his hair, as she kissed him like she always wanted to do. Her hips growing more confident with his growls.

“Fuck baby, I need to feel you, all of you.” Dean gasped against her lips.

She sat up straight, her hands sliding down his body to stop at his belt, unbuckling it and pulling his pants down, Dean kicked it of his feet as he held her up by the waist. She whimpered a little while Dean kept her up, her hips now grinding in the air.

“All of you baby, loose the pants.” He let go of her so she could quickly take off her pants, panties being kicked off too. She straddled him again, rubbing her already wet pussy on his hard cloth covered cock. 

“Fuck baby, you’re soaking me.” He groaned as his grip on her tightened crushing her more down on him as he pushed his hips up.  

She bend down, kissing his chest, nipping at his nipples which made him gasp,  he could feel her smile against his skin. 

One of his hand shifted from her waist to in between her thighs, two fingers parting her lips so they hugged his cock through his underwear, cock twitching because of the amount of slick he was already covered in.

“Fuck Dean… I need more…” She whined as she sat up, rolling her hips on him as she put her hands behind her to rest on his thighs. 

Dean briefly stopped her movements to take off his underwear, Y/n licking her lips at the sight of his hard cock, she sat down on him once more, the skin to skin contact sending electric through her body, making her grind harder. One of her hands wrapped around his cock pumping him in the same time as her pussy lips hugged him, pushing his cock close to her as her clit reached his tip, rubbing deliciously.

He was panting beneath her, head thrown back and a concentrated frown on his face. She rubbed faster, feeling her climax climb, she was so close to fall over that edge.

“Fuck Dean… I’m c-close… so c-close” She was sweating, gasping his name.

She clenched around nothing as she came on top of him, her body convulsing at how hard her orgasm hit her.

“FUCK DEAN!” 

Dean struggled not to come himself at just the sight of her coming.

“Yes baby, that’s it come all over me.”

She dropped on the bed next to him, she started laughing in her after bliss haze.

“Fuck Dean, you’re not even inside me and I already came harder than ever before.”

He chuckled, loving the sound of those words, loving how natural they felt ; and turn to her, hand cupping her breast as he sucked her nipple into his mouth, teeth grazing it.

“Harder than ever before huh?” His chest swelled with pride, a wicked smirk on his face as he moved between her legs. The heavy weight of his cock resting against her thigh.

She bit her lips as she moved her hips so his cock would rest against her pussy.

“Do I need-” He started.

“I want to feel all of you Dean, I want you bare” her hands on his lower back to push him closer.

During his hesitation, she could see the question burning in his eyes. Now she new he had been so jealous, she could imagine his feelings, she could guess what he was thinking, because she knew jealousy too well. 

“He… I didn’t let him… you know, only you can do that.” She told him, he catched her lips in a sweet and tender kiss.

“I love you.” He told her.

“I love you too Dean.” 

He guided his cock to her entrance, pushing inside her slowly. 

“Fuck you’re tight baby…” he panted in her neck.

She welcomed him, searching if face, her mouth agape. He didn’t know her and seeing his pupils dilate made her heart flutter. This was them, not the echo of another story, and they had everything to learn about each other. Her hands grabbed his shoulders hard at the intense pleasure spreading in her whole body, her nails leaving moon crested shapes in his skin.

“De… m-move please move.” She begged him once he bottomed out.

He pulled back, slowly, his cock dragging along her inner walls. As he did, she stared at him, taking in the nobility of his shape. He looked stronger than his double, rougher around the edges, he carried the violence of his life on his warrior shape, without looking brutal himself. A single tear rolled from the corner of her eyes when her love overflew her.

Leaving just the tip in he slammed back into her, making her scream out his name in surprise.

“FUCK DEAN YES.”

He started pounding into her hard, pushing her up the bed, unable to tame that hunger inside him, that craving. Her hands went above her head to hold onto the headboard. This was so intense, both too much and not enough and her mouth opened in ecstasy. This wasn’t only about sex, he was claiming her.

“You’re mine.” He growled in her ear as his cock hit that sweet spot deep inside her over and over.    

“Y-Yes.”

“Tell me, tell me you’re mine, I need to hear it.” He bit her shoulder, arms holding her behind her shoulders, pounding into her like there was no tomorrow.

“FUCK I’m yours Dean, I’M YOURS !” 

She could feel he was losing his rhythm, the sounds he made indicating he was close.

With one hard thrust he filled her up, his cum shooting deep inside her, coating her walls white.

“FUCK YES Y/N YES!” His his jerking into her made her fall over the edge to succumb into her own orgasm, scratching his back as she clenched hard around him.

“DEAN YES FUUUCK!”

Dean fell on top of her panting, hips jerking slightly. 

Her hands wrapped around him, fingers tunneling through his sweaty hair. She didn’t really notice it before but they smelled slightly different, her Dean smelled like the mundane shampoo she bought him, the leather of baby and bunker, he smelled like the bunker, like home.

There were many differences between the two of them apart from just their smells. Her Dean’s hands were rougher, probably from digging the graves and working on baby, he had more scars than the fashion version of him. His love was more… raw, because it was more like him, and she loved every bit of it.

He lifted his head from her neck, looking in her eyes, a lazy smile across his face.

“I love you Y/n.” He said right before he kissed her, lazily, still slightly out of breath.

“I love you too, Dean” she smiled against his swollen lips, his name sounding so right. “Can I sleep with you ?”

“Oh baby I’m never gonna let you leave my side.”

The two version of Dean might be made of the same wood, but they grow in a totally different forest, And the biggest difference ? Only one of them held her heart.

______________________________

[nerice]

the big unread shelf readening of 2023

aka elia reads every single bought-but-unread book before being allowed to get into gtn/tlt

a conservation of shadows by yoon ha lee

american originality by louise glück

black leopard, red wolf by marlon james

breaking legacies by zoe reed

chinese folk tales anthology

chokepoint capitalism by rebecca giblin & cory doctorow

devotions: selected poems of mary oliver

divine felines: the cat in japanese art by rhiannon paget

epistemology of the closet by eve kosofsky sedgwick

female masculinity by jack halberstam

heikemonogatari

if not, winter (fragments of sappho)

korean folktales anthology

making sense of japanese by jay rubin

moby dick by herman melville

his dark materials by philip pullman

paradise lost by john milton

queer games avant-garde by bonnie ruberg

representation in steven universe (anthology)

revision by david michael kaplan

routledge handbook of japanese media (anthology)

russian folktales anthology

seven blades in black by sam sykes

sissies and tomboys (anthology)

the bear and the nightingale by kathryn arden (3 books)

the book of disquiet by fernando pessoa

the copyeditor's handbook by amy einsohn

the fifth season by n.k. jemison (3 books)

the grace of kings by ken liu

the promise of happiness by sara ahmed

the invisible library by genevieve cogman (8 books)

the japanese language by haruhiko kindaichi

the locked tomb by tamsyn muir

the queer art of failure by jack halberstam

the queer child by kathryn bond stockton

time is a mother by ocean vuong

turtles all the way down by john green

undoing gender by judith butler

welcome to night vale (the novel)

what if by randall munroe

wonderbook by jeff vandermeer

[iishmael]

Just found out that Herman Melville is clearly neither a cat nor a dog person*. Unsurprising, since he pioneered the “secret third thing” (whale person)

* I extrapolated this opinion from Melville’s narrator in ‘Typee: A Peep At Polynesian Life’, who states his distaste for both cats and dogs