#Secret Shame Dark Synthetics | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sandsorghum · 2 years

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Happy Valentine's!

got teary over thoughts of (lifestyle) Dom Gojo who wants to teach you the importance of punctuality and a fixed routine by waking you up early to sit you on his cock as many mornings as he can (provided you're not too tuckered out from the previous night 😏) It's half hard but doesn't stay that way for long, obviously... honestly I have no excuses for why this exists but I hope this casual ramble makes your Feb 14th extra enjoyable!

Satoru's never gotten a handle on things like lesson plans. More accurately, he doesn't see the point of them. Which is how you end up susceptible to his impromptu, unorthodox methods.

This morning's remedial session is all about Delayed Gratification

Big words and an even bigger concept to wrap your mind around.

But not your mouth...

You don't understand how he's mastered this, just grinding his bulge still covered in those worn briefs against your lips, you can feel the curve and taut warmth of his balls radiating through the material. You love to savour the sensation of his wrinkled sacs smoothing out against your cheek while you sample the salt of his skin, where it's stretched most sensitive and spherical, tinged a pretty terracotta against your tongue's pink, but for now you're grateful for the barrier of the fabric. Because you can see the tip of him straining thick against his cotton confines, the gusset turning into gauzy translucence with his weeping seam, spider silk glistening with dawn's dew. Such a distinct yet familiar scent entrancing you, that morning freshness heralding heat and fingers of sunlight splaying across your thighs is intoxicating enough, but then there's the headier notes of his musk oozing off the dusky rose blush of his cock head, the smell fogging up your mind and you have to breathe, exhale and expunge this dizzying arousal before it takes over you and your day yet again...but your body betrays you and somehow you find your nose nuzzling deeper against Satoru's by now fully stiff shaft, pressed against the underside of his balls you feel throbbing to life, responding to your inadvertent tenderness.

How did he learn such discipline? You'd never guess the rigour with which he inculcated it into himself on all those long nights, before you belonged in his bed, before he dared call it yours too, fisting his cock to desperate dreams of you, first in his sheets then the shower, better to avoid the moon's unsympathetic glare, illuminating his shame through the pallor of his perspiration glowing sticky on his forearms, matching the sheen upon his bulbous tip, flushed as a toadstool, dark roots of vermilion veins tapering toward his frenulum, spent yet still pulsing.

The same moon which illuminated your absence; once he'd swept back his damp, tousled fringe he saw so clearly the crisp lines of his duvet.

How many times had he tucked and untucked the corners, chasing the spectre of your smile, futile attempts to exorcise it with his sickening ritual of diminishing returns. Each time, the facts laid bare as your body in his fantasies, your absence beneath him outlined in smears of white, a haunting in ectoplasm dribbling down his knuckles.

He'd tried to alleviate some of that guilt, or at least suffering, stopping himself short of cumming, right to the edge of reality and sanity - no mess as if it was all invisible, like he'd buried his cum deep inside you, imaginary and sealed away in his head, the only version of you he was convinced he could have, could keep.

But then, you'd shown him how terrible you were at hiding your own secrets. In broad daylight.

And now, you're a little luckier this dawn, as the sun starts to splinter itself over your sill. Satoru allows you to mold your mouth against the single damp spot darkening his underwear. Your eyes threaten to flutter shut, your mouth is full of synthetic fabric but you can still taste the faintest tint of his bittersalt tang, dredging up the memory and connecting to the residual film that had coated your tongue much more generously, mere hours ago. A nexus between morning and night, languor and labour, between pleasure and patience.

The moment is suspended, that last little shining string swaying between your bottom lip and his leaking iridescent slit. You breathe slow and go still, waiting to see which way his thread will snap.

But you aren't at all idle.

You keep your eyes open, locked onto Satoru's slightly unfocused one, dipping between your slack lips and soft, doe gaze. He is watching you waver between innocence and intent, and you have your own assessment to make, careful to mask the keenness of your observation beneath a sleepy half-smile, affection crinkling the corners of your eyes as you wait for his irises to swirl from that familiar cerulean which froths sweetness and guile, to the even more intimate indigo glinting desire, an anglerfish flicker in the depths; you wait for him, to submit to the whirlpool of your lusts.

Alas, he anchors a large palm to your chin, and instead of dragging him down he pulls you up for a gentle kiss, though you feel little eddies of his appetite nibbling along your chin.

"Let's fuck," Satoru whispers, lips teasing the whimper from your lungs, lumbering awake.

"Let's fuck," he repeats, and this time it's a warning for himself, a firm statement to bulwark against the rush of desire crashing like a wave upon him when you wriggle your hips and clutch at the barrels of his chest. You cling to Satoru like a limpet, hooking a leg over him, a barnacle desperate for its raft.

But he just chuckles, your whine lost in the rustle of blankets as he wrests them off you, they billow out like sails and the chill finally, properly shocks you awake.

"After breakfast," Satoru says, and you're about to protest this additional injustice when he cups your chin, tilting your face up so you can see the starvation in his eyes, how he's struggling against it.

"Get up now and we'll have time for that thing with my tongue you seem to like so much...or am I mistaken about your enthusiasm?"

You scramble to the bathroom and end up squeezing face wash on your toothbrush.

Even as you glimpse Satoru sniggering at you in the mirror while you (literally) foam at the mouth, furiously gargling, you decide his is a compromise you don't mind waking up earlier for.

But maybe you'd make him try a little harder to convince you tomorrow morning. Satoru's conditioning process is way too fun for it to succeed this soon.

#jjk headcanons #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk #gojo satoru #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x reader #satoru x you #satoru x reader #gojo smut #gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo x gender neutral reader #gojo x y/n #satoru smut #i don't often write for this man but when i do it's the simpiest sinfullest things why #gojo satoru x y/n

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childrenofthelab · 2 years

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𝖬𝖤𝖬𝖮𝖱𝖨𝖤𝖲 𝖮𝖥 𝖬𝖸 𝖢𝖧𝖨𝖫𝖣𝖧𝖮𝖮𝖣

Bold all that apply to your muse. Repost, don't reblog !TW: contains mentions of abuse / neglect / death / trauma.

scraped knees, silent tears in a locked room, slamming doors, pervasive loneliness,a dog barking, rain on a metal roof, flinching at movement, the creak of an old house,forced laughter, wandering in the dark woods, wondering how you made it through, sudden loss, trying to make sense of the noise,hiding what you love to protect it,trying to explain but your words falter,invaded privacy,confusion at the pain,running barefoot in the grass, wondering what you did wrong and coming up with nothing,realizing you aren’t a priority,grass stains on white clothing, trying to earn love you will never have, being threatened over the smallest mistake,secrets you are warned not to share,the feeling of never being good enough, the hope things might someday get better,grief that aches in your bones, childish dares and pranks,the sense that your body isn’t yours,shame and guilt that aren’t yours to carry,sledding down a frozen hill,absentmindedly following snakes through the grass, punching a tree wall until your knuckles bleed, tears over every dead creature you find, searching out small places you can hide… just in case, climbing the tallest tree comms tower so they can’t touch you,the feeling of something tainted under your skin, a curious child told to stop asking, floral dresses, body tensing at approaching footsteps,anger with nowhere to go,brief escapes from the chaos,the purr of a contented cat,taking the blame to keep the peace,being told you’re too sensitive,the creaking springs of a trampoline on a sunny day.

Stolen from: @firstcurse Tagging: @hcllcoffin @devildungeondm @silver-blooded-synthetics @elevencursed @pcrfectstorms @dazedunusual

#dash game #muse: 010

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27fm · 8 months

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Playlist 30.01.2024

Bob Marley & The Wailers - We And Dem (Uprising - 1980)

Samiam - Natural Disasters (Stowaway - 2023)

Pascow - Monde (Sieben -2023)

Berlin 2.0 - Neben Mir (Scherbenhügel - 2023)

Conservative Military Image - Tragedy Of The Commons (Casual Violence - 2023)

The Chisel - Those Days (What A Fucking Nightmare -2024)

The Style Council - Shout To The Top (Greatest Hits -2000)

Karloff - Kill The Masters (Raw Nights - 2020)

Thrufall - Hass Auf Alle (11 - 2022)

Eli Paperboy Reed - Ace of Spades (Hits & Misses - 2023)

Pierrothemoon - Chomcity (Easy Dub - 2023)

Friends & Failures - Farewell (Contrasts - 2023)

Fotocrime - Saint Marie (Accelerated - 2023)

Moby - Lift Me Up (Reprise - 2021)

Poison Ruïn - 09 - Blighted Quarter (Härvest -2023)

Secret Shame - Comfort (Dark Synthetics - 2019)

Cower - Hard-Coded In The Souls Of Men (Celestial Devastation - 2024)

Amusement - You Will Never Hear This (Walk Out To Sink Ep - 2023)

Nina Simone - Rags And Old Iron (Forbidden Fruit - 1961)

Rattlesnake Milk - Die Young (Chicken Fried Snake - 2022)

Bloody Keep - Rats Of Black Death (The Werewolf’s Tale - 2024)

#playlist

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nugothrhythms · 5 years

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“Storm” by Secret Shame off of Dark Synthetics

#goth #deathrock #postpunk #new wave #Secret Shame #Storm #Dark Synthetics

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spookiekewchie · 3 years

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A Holiday Read

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Characters: demon!Andy Barber x woc!reader

Summary: You finally introduce Andy to your family at Thanksgiving, things go left as expected.

READ: LOSING MY RELIGION / CHRIST IS COMIN', AND SO AM I / CALL ME WHEN YOU NEED

Word Count: 5.9k (I really didn't want it to be this long wtf)

Warnings: general language warning, soft dark demon!andy, car sex (ft. holding onto Andy's horns while reader rides the d), mentions of cockwarming, terrible parents being hypocrites, abortion mention, drama at the dinner table, mentions of reader being pregnant, judgmental church folks, her parents are really not great people, one bad joke about stuffing

A/N: It's only a couple days after Thanksgiving so it still counts, anyways I made an attempt at proof reading but I probably missed some things so excuse any errors or typos. The moodboard is by me, divider is by @firefly-graphics

DO NOT repost or translate my work anywhere. If you like it don't forget to reblog and share with others who might enjoy it as well.

You’ve spent the majority of the car ride to your parents house in silence. Occasionally Andy would draw you into a short conversation but ultimately your nerves and hormones were doing a number on you mentally. “Relax, little angel.” Andy says from the driver's seat, turning onto a familiar street in the gated community. You sigh heavily when your parents house comes into view, it’s a perfect mix of showy and humble that screams intentional but none of the neighbors are likely ever to put that thought together.

You on the other hand know all your parents dirty secrets and how the holier than thou mask they show the world is hardly close to their true selves. Once upon a time they had you firmly under their thumb, but then you met Andy and now things are much different. The feeling of obligation to be seen at this holiday family dinner is replaced with a sense of dread. You already know that this night is going to go terribly wrong, it's just a matter of how long it’s going to take and how far Andy will take retribution if he feels disrespected.

Worry plagues you as the car comes to a stop. You can see from the cars in the driveway and on the street that it’s going to be a full house and it has your stomach flipping with anxiety. “We really don’t have to go inside, we can go home and I can make us a nice dinner—” You don’t finish your statement because unfortunately the car’s been spotted, and someone is crossing the yard. You curse under your breath, recognizing Cynthia (or as you call her, Cici), one of your nosier aunts coming to see who’s parked outside the house.

“Too late, looks like we’ve been spotted.” Andy says with a grin, turning off the vehicle before exiting. You huff in frustration, a hand resting on your stomach in an effort to self soothe before Andy comes around to the other side to open your door. You’re just starting to show at two months in, and thankfully your stomach is still able to be hidden easily under a black dress with enough flare to it that it’s still flattering but hides the small swell of your belly. Still you pull your coat around your body carefully when you let Andy help you out of his Audi. Immediately your aunt gasps, shocked to see you showing up with a man. She pulls you into a hug when she’s close enough, telling you how good you look, and casting a sideways glance to Andy before she returns her gaze to you.

“Do your parents know you brought a boyfriend?” Cici questions, arching a brow. You nod, they know, in fact they’re the ones that insisted you bring the man that you’ve been ‘shacking up’ with to meet the family. You suspect it’s just going to turn into an attempt to shame you into either breaking up with him or pressuring Andy to put a ring on your finger. “Mmm, well this should be interesting. Especially since that bitter ass Mary is here too, and in one of her sad synthetic wigs at that.” Cici informs you, and to your surprise Andy snorts in laughter beside you at her blunt read of your least favorite Aunt Mary. “Anyways, don’t be rude. Introduce me to this fine ass white boy you brought with you.”

Despite all your trepidation you can’t help but duck your head with a laugh. “This is Andy, Andy this is my Aunt Cici. Surprisingly enough she’s related to my mother.” Cici scoffs at that, and you try to suppress your smile at knowing that of your mother’s three sisters Cici is the one that likes her the least.

A sound from the porch draws everyone’s attention and whatever good mood you were starting to feel evaporates at the sight of your mother standing there looking down her nose at the three of you in the yard. You curse under your breath, and Cici gasps in genuine shock at hearing you say something so harsh. Then she smiles and shoots you a wink as if she’s proud of you. “I guess I better get the pies out of the car, no turning back now.” You mutter, and Andy stops you before you can move back towards the car.

“I got it, little angel. Just head inside.” He says, dropping a kiss to your temple and that of course draws a little high pitched “mmmm okay” from your aunt.

“Viv and Stella are going to try and eat him up for dessert, you better watch those two.” Cici teases, and you feel yourself smiling again. Your mothers other two sisters are going to love him, you have no doubt about that. It’s your uncles and cousins that can go either way. As for your parents and aunt Mary…well those three aren’t going to be happy no matter what you or Andy have to say. “So tell me, is he treating you right? Is he making you happy?” You smile and nod, and you’re glad that it’s the truth. Despite his stubborn persistence at times he does treat you well, and he does make you happy. You love him regardless of knowing what he is and what you’ve seen from him. You glance back at Andy, and he smiles at you with a genuine smile that makes the corners of his eyes crinkle.

Who knew a demon would be the one to sweep you off your feet.

“Well it took you long enough to come inside.” Your spine straightens at the drawl of your mother’s voice, it’s that same tone you’ve heard before when she was looking for any and everything to pick apart about you. You just force a smile onto your lips and say nothing when she pulls you into a hug that’s more for show than anything. Thankfully she doesn’t linger long or press in close so she doesn’t feel the slight swell of your stomach. You think you might be in the clear but when she steps back she fixes you with a discerning gaze that makes you uneasy. “You’re looking a little round in the face dear, putting on weight?” Her eyes drift down pointedly to your stomach and the urge to press your hand against it almost overtakes you.

Clenching your hands into fists you just sigh heavily. “Mother, you know I’ve always been a little thick.” You remind her, and she just utters an unconvinced, “mmhmm” before she turns her attention to Andy stepping into the house behind you carrying the three pies and the cobbler that you’d made for this dinner. “And you must be Andy.” She says, and Cici just shakes her head before gently taking the desserts from Andy’s arms so she can go set them on the dessert table. “Sweetheart,” she turns to you after giving Andy an up and down look. “You failed to mention that your friend was…”

Oh god… you think, eyes nearly bugging out of your head at your mother when she sniffs in disapproval and let’s the unspoken word linger for a moment. “Well, let’s just hope your father chooses to mind his manners.”

Andy gently puts an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side and letting his hand run up and down your arm to calm you. “A pleasure to meet you, I’ve been dying to meet the people responsible for raising my little angel.” He aims a disarming smile at your mother and for a moment she seems enchanted. Andy looks like a well off man, and you’re willing to bet money that your mother is already thinking of ways that she might be able to spin this to benefit her reputation. You think that perhaps she might play nice but that’s before the sound of your father’s voice is booming through the house. His voice cuts off immediately when he sees you standing there with Andy’s arm protectively wrapped around you while you shamelessly lean into his embrace.

“So this must be the man that convinced my baby girl to move out of our house and into his.” He says by way of greeting and it’s clear that he’s not happy. Andy’s grip around you tightens when he feels you starting to shrink in on yourself, a subtle reminder that he’s here with you. “Nice of you to finally come and face me.” Your father says, chest puffing up like it’ll make him seem taller as he stands in front of Andy’s six foot five stature. You somehow manage to stifle your laughter at the ridiculous sight in front of you.

“She’s an adult, I figured she was free to make adult choices.” Andy says back, a pleasant tone masking his annoyance with your father. To Andy it’d be like swatting a fly, and he’s certainly done worse for less but you’re standing here beside him and somehow he figures throwing your father through a wall or two might not go over well. Still he doesn’t like being challenged, and something must be done. You feel Andy’s hand drop to your waist, and that’s enough to get your father more irritated than he already is. You’re sure things are about to go bad right then and there but then you hear the sound of heels clicking against hardwood, and the voice of Aunt Vivica comes floating through to cut the tension.

“Silas, will you leave them alone,” she starts, brushing past your mother to pull you into her warm embrace. “Let the girl get out of her coat before you start with your judgmental nonsense.” She admonishes, and you can see how both your parents bristle at her dismissive tone. Andy just smirks, and introduces himself to Aunt Vivica before he goes to help you out of your coat. It’s then that you become painfully aware of your dress. Your father looks like he’s sucked on a lemon, your mother looks scandalized, and your aunt looks...impressed. The dress is far from risque or inappropriate, but the fact that it’s cut above your knees, and there are several cutouts along the top of the bodice is enough for your parents to complain. Before they can, however, your aunt steps in and diffuses yet another bomb. “Oh, darling, you look absolutely beautiful. It’s about time you stopped dressing like you don’t have a shape.” She shoots a look over at your parents, almost daring them to say something to disagree.

They won’t, not in front of Aunt Vivica who has no problem taking your side every time. Your father says nothing, simply shakes his head and stomps off to join the other family members gathered in the living room. He takes some of the tension with him, but your mother supplies the rest. “I suppose it’s a nice dress, even if it is more revealing than what we raised you to wear.” She says, as usual, finding a way to slip her disapproval into a compliment. Aunt Vivica waves her off, dismissively and your mother sniffs and turns her nose up, muttering something about going to check on the greens before leaving the three of you standing in the foyer.

“You really do look lovely, darling. Now come on, Stella’s dying to meet your beau.” Vivica tells you, and you groan slightly but can’t help the smile that spreads over your features.

“Auntie Viv, please tell me Cici hasn’t been talking.” You plead, and she just laughs. Lord knows what Cici has been saying to her sisters, but you can only imagine that whatever it is was colorful. In any case the two of you are being led away by your aunt and the second you all step into the living room a hush falls over it. Nervously you shift on your feet, you know there’s been talk since you moved out overnight. Looking around the room you see a few cousins, your uncles, your father is sitting in his chair pointedly not looking at you and trying to focus on the football game that’s playing. And then there’s your Aunt Mary, your father’s sister and his biggest instigator, looking at you with that pinched expression that just lets you know she has something foul to say.

“Is that my grandbaby?” Your eyes fly to the sofa, and there sits Nana Rose beckoning you to come over and sit next to her. You separate from Andy, leaving him to be scooped up by your three aunts, Cici, Vivica, and Stella. “They told me you moved out, and I didn’t believe it, but here you are showing up with a man. My little baby’s finally acting grown.” She teases you, and squeezes you tight when you settle in next to her. Her hand discreetly lands on your belly with a soft pat and for a moment you panic. “I thought I noticed something different about you.” She says with a wink, and your mouth drops open out of shock. “Oh don’t give me that look, sugar. I’ve been around the block a few times, I know what to look for. Not to mention you’re glowing.”

“Nana Rose can we just keep this between us? I don’t want tonight to turn into a bunch of yelling and drama.” You ask, and she nods, taking both your hands in hers and sets them in her lap.

“I won’t say anything, it’s not my place. But I will say that if you’re going to have to start standing up for yourself, I know your parents can be overbearing. Lord knows I tried to raise your mother differently but she was always self centered and sly, and that man she married...hmph, well I’ve made it clear over the years that I don’t care for him. The one good thing they did right though was give me you, now you just need to stop letting them do and say whatever they want to you.”

She lets you mull over her words for a moment, and you feel like there’s a bit of a weight that’s been lifted off your shoulders. She’s always been supportive, always done what she could for you within reason. Most importantly she’s always loved you unconditionally and that alone gives you a bit of a confidence boost. “Do me a favor, go fetch that man of yours and send him over. I think it’s time he and I have a chat as well.”

You blink at that, curious as to what she might have to say to Andy but you know better than to ask her. She wants to talk to him privately, and she won’t be telling you what she has to say to him. You nod with a “yes, ma’am” and stand up to round the sofa. Looking over to where Andy stands with your three aunts makes you smile, whatever he’s saying to them you can tell he’s charmed them thoroughly. He’s even gotten your usually stoic Aunt Stella to crack a smile at him. He feels you watching him, and turns his attention to you and for a moment he’s all you focus on as you stride towards him. Unfortunately, you only make it halfway across the living room before you hear the nasally voice of Aunt Mary picking at you. “So you’re just going to walk by and not speak? I know you got better home training than that little girl.”

A hot streak of anger shoots through you all of a sudden, you don’t know where it comes from but you know that Andy senses it because he breaks away from your aunts who are now glaring at Mary. “I’m fine,” you tell him, waving off his questions and redirecting his attention to your grandmother who is waiting for him on the sofa. “Please go, she’d like to speak with you. I’ll be fine.” You tell him and he nods, leaning in to press a kiss to your temple.

“I know you hear me talking to you—” Mary continues, but Cici pipes up before she can finish.

“We can all hear you, now shut up and leave people alone. If she doesn’t want to speak to your old bitter ass then she doesn’t have to.” She snaps, causing Mary to gasp as if she’s been slapped. “Need to be worried about them bad ass kids of yours anyways, you know they be stealing.” She adds under her breath but still just loud enough for Mary to overhear. You’d laugh if you weren’t currently trying to calm down. All your life Mary’s been a thorn in your side, and even now she insists on picking on you and trying to get a rise out of you. Your grandmother’s words replay in your head and you glance over at the woman as she discusses something with Andy that has his full attention.

An arm curls around your shoulders and you shift your focus to his owner. “Hey Aunt Stella, sorry I didn’t get a chance to say hello earlier.” You say and she waves it off before she starts to grill you for information about how you’ve been, how you met Andy, how your relationship is. She nods and listens to everything you have to say, happy that you’ve found someone, but she still warns you to be cautious.

“Don’t let him have too much control over your life. These men will run you ragged if you let them, and that’s not the life I want for you. Trust me, I’ve been there, done that, and I don’t want that for you.” She tells you and you nod, giving her another hug just because it’s nice to know that she wants the best for you.

At some point Andy rejoins you, and the rest of the night seems to go on well enough. You stick close to your three aunts, occasionally venturing off to talk with your cousins. From time to time your mother makes her rounds offering drinks to each guest. You choose the nonalcoholic options and she eyes you suspiciously but says nothing of it.

Your uncles manage to lure Andy to the dominoes table, calling out to him “Hey, why don’t you come on over here young buck and throw some bones!” Both you and Andy chuckle at that, and he gladly goes to sit at the table with the older men amused at their assumption that he’s younger than them. If only they knew. You think to yourself, shaking your head with a laugh. Andy let’s them think he doesn’t know what he’s doing long enough for them to start putting money on the table. A few of your cousins even join in on the next few games, and try to hustle him only to find out that Andy’s no novice and he can trash talk with the best of them. He fits in well with your family, everyone loves him except for your parents and Aunt Mary.

You do your best to ignore it, and it works for the most part right up until the moment everyone is gathered around the dinner table for the prayer. The prayer which your father leads, and he wastes no time in using it to air his dislike of Andy and your choice to be with him. It goes a little something like this,

“Dear heavenly father, we come to you humbly asking that you not let this be the last time we can all gather and fellowship like this. We thank you for our good health, and sound minds...and even though some of us have strayed from your righteous path we know that you are a forgiving God and will welcome us back into your warm embrace. Lord, we ask that touch the minds of our young folk that are here tonight, especially those that have chosen to live in sin and forsake your word…” You don’t hear the rest, a loud static suddenly fills your ears and you just tune it out as best you can while gripping harshly onto Andy’s hand. To his credit, Andy doesn’t laugh out loud during the prayer, though you can feel the way his body shakes from time to time and it lets you know that he finds this all comical. Probably because while your father is trying to use this prayer to shame and pressure you, you’ve been Andy’s since long before he fucked you in your father’s church.

All too thankful when the prayer finally ends you just set about making a plate for yourself, and point out which dishes Andy should avoid. There’s only one of course, the deviled eggs that Mary insists on making every year. They’re always nasty, and your father is always the only one that actually eats them. Seeing you tell Andy not to put a couple on his plate she scoffs, and that pinched expression of hers tightened even more. “Back in my day we made our men’s plates as a sign of respect, but I guess we can’t expect that from these fast lil young girls.” Comes Mary’s nasally voice, and this time it’s Andy that checks her.

“I’m sure things have changed a lot since the forties, but trust me I’m more than capable of fixing my own plate.” He tells her, smiling in a way that clearly says he knows she’s not that old but he’s petty and willing to stoop to her level. The way her expression cracks at his dig has you biting back a grin. Cici on the other hand isn’t as covert and shamelessly lets out a loud laugh as Stella and Vivica grin and smirk. Oh they really like Andy. Meanwhile your father looks like he’s about to burst a blood vessel.

Somehow, some way, everyone’s plates get filled with food with no further incidents or comments, and you think that it’d be the end of your worries with everyone focused on eating. You have no such luck because the moment your glass of juice is empty, your mother is standing up from the table and offering to bring you one of her cocktails to replace your empty cup.

“Um, no thank you. I’ll just get some more juice.” You tell her, but she doesn’t take no for an answer.

“Oh come on, sweetheart. You should have at least one, it’s not like you have a reason not to drink.” She says, smiling at you. You can see the subtle edge to her grin, and in an instant you know exactly what she’s doing. She’s figured out your little secret, and now she’s trying to force your hand so it's you that has to reveal it to your father in front of the whole family. Your eyes dart to Nana Rose sitting on the other end of the table, and she gives you a knowing look and again her words from earlier run through your mind.

You’re going to have to start standing up for yourself...

“No thank you mother, I don’t want any alcohol.”

“Well why not, everyone else has had at least one.”

“Mother…”

“Why not, sweetheart? I spent all that time making them, don’t be rude.”

You sigh. Closing your eyes, and lifting a hand to rub at the spot in the center of your forehead.

“It’s just one drink, you’re really being dramatic.”

“I can’t drink, okay!” You snap, hand slamming down onto the table hard enough to make everyone jump except for Andy.

This time it’s your father that speaks, “What’s going on?”

Your mother’s grin turns slightly mean before it drops and she just shrugs as if she hasn’t instigated this entire moment. You can see Nana Rose shaking her head at the woman that brought you into the world, and beside you Andy is silently fuming and you’re just thankful that his eyes haven’t bled black yet.

“I said what’s going on! Answer me!” Your father demands, and it’s then that you decide that you’re done with this whole avoidance game. If it’s drama that they want then you can give them that, you’re hormonal and agitated enough not to care at the moment.

“Fine! I’m pregnant.” You shout, throwing your fork down onto the table with a clatter. “Happy now?” You aim that last comment at your mother, and she feigns shock as if this wasn’t exactly what she wanted when she started pressuring you to have a drink.

Your father sputters, the vein in his forehead protruding like it always does when he gets himself worked up and you know hell is about to break loose at the table. You get up without a word, head into the kitchen and grab the roll of foil. By the time you come back, Andy and your father are going back and forth across the table about how Andy defiled you according to your father, and how according to Andy he didn’t do anything other than give you the freedom your parents never did. You’re content to not say anything at all as you wrap up both yours and Andy’s plate so the two of you can leave, but then your mother says something that finally sets you off.

“What freedom? The freedom to bring a bastard into the world?”

You hear a quiet “Oh hell no.” From Aunt Stella, and you can see from the corner of your eye Nana Rose placing a hand on Cici’s arm to keep her youngest daughter seated. Auntie Viv just shakes her head in disapproval and disgust at your mother. And you? Well you’re seeing red and all bets are off.

“Yeah well we all know how you feel about bastards, don’t we mother?” You say, and now all eyes are on you, and your mother suddenly looks uncomfortable.

“I don’t-I don’t know what you’re referring to, I just know that you—”

“Oh so you didn’t find out about dad messing around with Miss Olivia’s daughter from the church choir, or her getting pregnant and wanting to keep it?” A loud collective gasp sounds around the table. “And you didn’t go to Miss Olivia’s daughter after choir practice, and pressure her into accepting money to get an abortion that she didn’t want in the first place?” Your mothers face is one of shock, anger, and embarrassment now that you’ve just exposed one of her many dirty secrets.

Your father, as always, is quick to jump to her defense. “Now you watch your damn mouth, young lady. You might be grown but—”

“But what, dad? What are you gonna do? Beat me? Please try it,” Andy, who is now standing, shifts closer to you, cracking his neck and crossing his arms over his chest. It’s a clear challenge, and unlike your father did earlier, Andy actually looks intimidating. “You lay a finger on me and I’ll just go tell everyone how you’re skimming from the church funds.” Your father opens his mouth to say something but you just keep going. “You been collecting that building repair fund for as long as I can remember, and the roof still leaks whenever it rains too hard. Yet somehow you were able to afford this house, all this fancy bullshit that you keep in it, and that Cadillac sitting out in the driveway. Yeah I might be pregnant out of wedlock, but at least I’m not a criminal.”

You hear a “and that’s why you shoulda just sat there and ate your food.” From Cici who is clearly enjoying this.

Mary doesn’t take the hint that you aren’t playing them anymore and just like always she has something to say. “See, now I always told you this girl was disrespectful.”

“Mary worry about your husband and that life insurance policy he took out on you. Out here pretending like you’re better than everyone else just because you have a husband and kids. Everyone knows those kids each have a different father and he’s not one of them. He doesn’t even like you or them bad ass kids you let run around unchecked.”

That stuns her into silence for all of five seconds and then she opens her mouth again to start spewing insults. The look you level at her is murderous, and you don’t know how it happens but one second she’s telling you exactly what she thinks of you, and then in the next the smell of burning plastic is overtaking the room and then someone is screaming and pointing at Mary’s head. That’s when you see it, her wig is on fire and smoke is billowing from it as she starts to panic. You and Andy look at each other with equally stunned expressions before shaking it off just in time to see your father snatching his sister's wig off of her head and dunking it into the bowl of gravy.

“Grab the pies, we’re leaving.” You tell Andy, and he doesn’t question your pettiness. He simply goes to the dessert table, picks up the pies and cobbler that you’d made. You head towards the door carrying both of your plates with you, choosing to stop and say one more thing. “Oh, and I’m actually having twins. You have nine months to get your acts together or you will not be a part of your grandchildren’s lives in any way shape or form.” You turn your attention back to Mary. “You can just go to hell, because if you ever say a sideways word to me again Cici won’t have to get you. I’ll do it myself.”

“Period.” Cici says, cosigning your threat and getting up from the table along with your other two aunts who follow you to the door. Outside you all say your goodbyes, and your aunts fawn over the fact that you’re pregnant before they finally let you climb into Andy’s car and drive off.

He’s silent for a moment, still looking at you curiously. You don’t notice because you’re still thinking about everything that went down, and the fact that Mary’s wig spontaneously caught on fire.

“Andy, did you do that back there?” You question, and the look on his face is one of pure confusion as if he doesn’t know what you’re referring to. “The wig catching fire.” You clarify and he laughs.

“No, little angel, I believe that was you channeling our babies.” He reaches over to press a hand against the slight swell of your belly, “And I have to say, watching you get worked up like that was a pleasant surprise.” You feel his hand drift slightly lower, and when you glance over at his lap you can see the bulge under his pants. You’re still keyed up, hormonal, and now you’re aching for him to do more than just touch you.

“Pull over.” You tell him, not caring that you’re still close enough to your parents house that someone can see the car and likely the two of you in it. Andy smirks, already knowing where this is going, and pulls the car to the side of the road. The moment he has the car in park you’re climbing over the center console to straddle his lap. “How pleasant a surprise?” You ask him, reaching down to undo his belt and work his pants open so you can pull his cock out. “Because that was really exciting for me, and now I’m all worked up with nowhere to put this energy.” You tease, pulling your panties to the side so you can drag yourself over his hard length with a mewl. You’re already wet, your slick making it easy for you to glide back and forth over his shaft before you give into that carnal need to be filled by him. Andy hums, his big hands gripping the thick globes of your ass.

“Take what you need, little angel.” He coos, “You deserve it.”

You lift your hips, lining him up with your entrance and with a shuddering breath you drop your hips and let him fill you up just like your body needs. You’re breathless for a moment, body wracked with sensations as his length splits you open just how you like. “Fuck, daddy.” You whine, hips giving a filthy grind while your hands grip tightly on his arms. That’s not what you want to hold onto though, and Andy knows that. He knows exactly what you need without you needing to say so, and when you open your eyes next you see those shining black eyes looking back at you, and most importantly you see his horns.

The second you lay eyes on them you don’t hesitate, reaching up to wrap your hands around them so you can hold on while you ride him. Your moans fill the car as you start to move, hips rocking you up to the tip of his length and back down. “Fuuuuck, that’s it. Ride this fucking dick.” Andy groans, head falling back against the headrest as you squeeze tight around him.

You ride him with reckless abandon, feeling bolder and more confident than you have in a while and it has the pleasure feeling heightened as you bounce against your demonic lover's cock. The sound of your squelching cunt mixes with your moans and Andy just uses his grip to bring you down harder on his length.

“So good...fuck you feel so good!” You cry, already close to the edge and ready to tip over at any second. Andy moves under you, thrusting up to meet you each time you drop down onto his cock and it hits you even deeper. You cry out, not caring if anyone down the street might be able to hear you. If they do then so be it. The only thing you care about right now is how good Andy is making you feel, and you know he personally doesn’t care who sees you taking his cock. All you can do is keep your grip on his horns as he takes over and bounces you on his cock while his hips snap into you on every downward movement of your hips. He knows you’re close, he can feel it in the way your walls are strangling his cock, and he wants nothing more than to have you fall apart right here and now.

“Cum for me, little angel.” He moans against your mouth when you bring him in for a kiss. “Cum for daddy, let me feel my perfect little pussy making a mess for me.” He urges, and you fall apart and go tumbling over the edge with a loud sobbing cry of pleasure as you cum. Your juices flood his lap, and you tremble against his chest with shaky breaths.

You know you can’t linger here like this for too long, but you don’t want to move just yet. Not until Andy makes you an offer that you can’t refuse.

“Be good and don’t move, you keep daddy’s cock warm the whole way home and I promise I’ll keep you full and dripping all night.”

You move your hands to drop to your sides, and give him a nod. Wanting nothing more than to get home and have him make good on his word. “That’s one way to get stuffing on Thanksgiving.” You tease, laughing softly at your own terrible joke while Andy just shakes his head with a chuckle and starts the car and begins the long drive home.

#andy barber x woc!reader #andy barber x black!reader #andy barber x reader #andy barber x woc #demon!andy barber x woc!reader #demon!andy barber x black!reader #demon!andy barber x you #demon!andy barber x reader #andy barber x you #andy barber fic #andy barber fanfiction #andy barber fanfic #andy barber reader #woc!reader #black!reader #trilla writes

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wickedlybittersweet · 2 years

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Goth Album Recommendations

Strange days By vogue.noir - A Synth pop band that makes music that blends elements of Scifi, Neo Noir, and Dystopian themes into A banger of an album.

Nostalgia Like Cancer by Murderbait - A band From Portland that mixes psychedelic rock vibes with a post punk sound.

Ascension By Nox Novacula - Why these previous two were dark and depressing this is lively and depressing with beautifully haunting vocals.

Dark Synthetics By Secret Shame - very similar to Nox Novacula, Secret shame is one of my all time favorite bands. Their songs are Perfect imo and should be listened to by everyone.

#Goth Music #Music #new music #music recommendation #Murderbait #secret shame #Nox Novacula

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just2bubbly · 4 years

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Nightmares

Masterlist

“She had been foolish to think that he-The Emperor Kaito of Eastern Commonwealth would love her. ”

When rebellions don’t end in happiness but with the ever-lasting and drowning feeling of emotions, what-ifs and memories, will there be someone to put Cinder back together when she falls apart!

Words: 4.5k words

Ships: Kaider

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Hurt- Comfort, Major Plot Twist

Hope you like it! :)

Cinder’s Perspective-

Living a Nightmare:

There, it was that look which she had got from all other people over the years. She had been foolish enough to think that he would have been different. That he of all people would understand, after all he was the Emperor of the Eastern Commonwealth. There she was laying hurt on the stairway but all what he and the people would care about would be her cybernetics. In the end, the Emperor’s personal guest was a cyborg. He had flinched at her sight. His eyes showed confusion then shame, regret and soon came disgust. He did not look disappointed that she was being taken into custody by the Lunar Queen for her execution on Luna. Better he looked happy; maybe the Queen was just saving him a whole lot of embarrassment.

He had said,” You’re even more painful to look at than she is.”

She had never believed her partial synthetic heart could break into a hundred pieces but hearing him say those words it did.

Later she escaped and caused him many more problems. He had to deal with the threat of an intergalactic war, why would he not hate her after all what she had done. She kidnapped him. He gave her his support only after knowing that she was Selene, the long lost princess of Luna. It was more of a political move to dispose Levana off the throne with someone younger and naïve so as to avoid a war. She knew it but yet her foolish self thought that the Emperor did it with some other motives.

After she had defeated the Lunar Queen, they had a professional relationship like all other world leaders. The press tried their ways to bring up statements of personal sentiments towards each other but it was a hopeless cause. They had not ever addressed each other as ‘Cinder’ and ‘Kai’ since the end of the rebellion. All kinds of attraction between the two if any were never spoken about. She had thought that the Emperor would not hold her against her cybernetics. She had believed that they could have at least been friends but it was a fantasy. They were never supposed to be anything, their paths were not supposed to cross but yet they did and it had been the greatest tragedy of her life. He believed that whatever happened between the two was an illusion. They did not address their pre-rebellion relationship but she wanted to. She wanted to know that the feelings were mutual and not just on her part.

Iko had tried to make the two friends but it was too awkward for them. Yet he was not the only one. Even Thorne had problems dealing with her cybernetics at first. The sweet little Cress who should have understood what it felt like did not look to her like a human. Scarlet and Jacin did not talk much about her cybernetics. They had come to accept her abnormalities but delusional Winter liked her Selene. She did not like cyborg Cinder. She was the one person who was most open about her cybernetics and Cinder had come to quite appreciate it. The Earthen leaders did not raise their prejudice against cyborgs. Lunars were better at handling her cybernetics then Earthens to say the least. They felt that cybernetics was quite cool but the opinion was restricted to the people who had been called as rebels during Levana’s term. The aristocratic population of Luna did not like to look up to a cyborg Queen.

She was disappointed when Wolf did not understand her. After all, both of them owed their tragic bodies to science. They had been made and changed into laboratories, tested upon like some lab rats. She had thought that he would understand her as they had suffered for similar reasons. But guess what things do not turn out like the way you want them, she of all people should know that. Even though a wolf-hybrid soldier,he was still human, she was 36.28% not.

She recalled the time when she had addressed the issue of Cyborg laws on Earth in one of the world meetings. Everyone had looked to her as if she had grown another head. Although they had promised to look into the matter half-heartedly, she came to realize that such promises were foolish to be taken into account and kept. Over the years she had learnt ways to get over her cybernetics criticism but the Emperor’s look still haunted her. She had told Iko that she should take a skin grafting as she could no longer handle people gawking at her cybernetic body parts. Iko had denied calling how she was a symbol for all the cyborgs on Earth. Iko had shouted how her cybernetics was nothing to be ashamed of. Little did she know that she was not ashamed of her cybernetics, she regretted having them. She did not remember having a full body with cold and touch susceptibility, having eyes that could cry with tears of joy instead of notifications of increased secretions of hormones like dopamine, endorphin, oxytocin and serotonin. She could not remember how she had blushed, how color rose to her chubby cheeks when she giggled before she was burnt alive. She did not want to live in times like this. In times when memories of being a social outcast haunted her, when prejudices tried to drown her happiness.

Today was one such day. It was the Annual Peace Ball and she was invited by Torin. Not the Emperor but his royal advisor, maybe she had misjudged the Emperor’s hatred for her. She was happy that it was Torin at least he had not hated her for her being a cyborg however they were on more civil grounds now. Torin was not quite bothered about her abnormalities like the others and she was grateful for that. She was about to be announced and that’s when all the bitter memories came back. She could drown in her tears if she could cry. Iko had fretted about how she had to look pretty for the camera. She had no strength left to tell her that she was no longer the Queen that everyone wanted to please and take good pictures of. She missed Peony and that’s when the headache kicked in.

She was the Emperor's personal guest, this was what she had been told but so were the other leaders. The Emperor had not shared a single dance with her in the entire evening. While the Emperor was off welcoming dignified guests unlike a Cyborg Queen, she had danced with unwanted nobles but it was not out of their will, it was more for power and position and forced respect.

The Emperor was busy dancing with the pretty woman that he had been courting. Iko had told her before they had flown to Earth. She had a headache for the entire night. Of course why would the Emperor not live his life with love and happiness? It’s she who was having problems even after all those years.

She was dancing with Queen Camilla’s son when the announcement was done. The handsome Emperor had gone on his knee and asked his pretty lady. They both looked happy and Cinder could not take it anymore. The lady had said yes and the cheers had erupted all around. Before she knew she was being hugged by someone, it was Iko, her dear and only friend.

“It’s okay.” She had whispered. She had excused herself from the crowd and left the ballroom. She could not stand watching the two lovers and the happy crowd around her. It was ‘not okay’ she had wanted to shout to Iko but her color changing eyes looked somewhere between dark blue and grey. She could not figure it out. If possible then Iko would have cried her eyes out but they could not cry and Cinder had never been so thankful to her synthetic eyes. She was an outcast all along. She was an outcast with power and titles but nothing else. The Emperor would have the cruel, evil and heartless Levana as his wife and Empress to protect his people but he would not give Cinder a chance to be friends with him. He would not give her a chance to tell him the truth. He would allow the year old prejudice to control their lives. He would never love her. He would never love a broken cyborg. He would never love someone as worthless as Cinder.

In the end even though a Queen, she was 36.28% not human whose heart had been shattered by the same boy again and again. She was defeated in her own life. Darkness was taking over her. She had already shut her eyes and the only amount of light was from the newsfeed fitted in her eye showing the news of Emperor’s engagement besides the picture of His Majesty and his fiancée. With this thought she had become broken all over again. She allowed grieve to take over, she could be human in her dreams.

The darkness consumed her, just like the flame once had.

___

To be Loved:

She was gasping for air when she woke up and then there was a bloody headache. Thankfully it had not been her screaming this time. It took a moment for her to realize her surroundings- She was in her personal chambers. She realized how it was just a nightmare. At first the only comfort that she got was from the hand around her waist. It was the Emperor's hand. No, it was Kai's. He was Kai for her and not the Emperor of the Eastern Commonwealth. Just Kai- her Kai.

She was trying to calm herself by taking deep breaths, trying to recall all the happy memories with Kai and her friends. That time when Kai had proposed and she had said yes, when she had married him. When Thorne had helped her pick a tiara or when Cress and her had pranked all the others or when Winter had explained her childhood as a 3 year old toddler on Luna. She had far too many happy memories; she would not allow the nightmare to consume her.

Recently, her nightmares had an edge of sadness to it. They were increasing in numbers. Each night was a struggle between reality and her dark thoughts. Hopefully, Kai was in a better condition. She had learnt a new function in her control panel when she had gone to meet Dr. Nandez. She could mute herself at times according to her needs. The mute function worked in her just like it did for an escort-droid.

After the rebellion came to an end, she had been having trouble sleeping. She never was vocal about her abnormal sleeping patterns. Iko had just assumed it was her being a workaholic. The mute function had helped her quite well to hide her nightmares from everyone while she was in Luna but it was different in Eastern Commonwealth. After she had given up her throne and converted Luna into a republic, she had returned to Earth. Kai had proposed and they had married later. It was difficult to hide the fact that you were having nightmares when you shared the bed with someone. Kai had found out. He was having his own troubles sleeping. After much convincing on his part, Cinder had agreed to go into therapy. Kai and Cinder were into it together. He talked about his problems with her and that helped him, talking helped him. She kept her problems bottled up. Maybe that's why he was recovering better in comparison to her. She always felt that he had enough on his plate without her adding her sleep troubles. Her nightmares about her loved ones death, Levana and failed rebellion had stopped. They had changed from fear to that of guilt and betrayal. Sometimes it was Peony accusing her of contracting her with Letumosis other times it was Kai unable to look upon her because of her cybernetics.

The therapy had helped. She pretended to have nightmare-less nights but who was she playing games with. Kai had already caught her so many times however she could not open up about her fears like he had. Cinder had lived her entire life being neglected and unloved. It was difficult for her to come to terms with the fact that she had people who cared for her. She needed time and he gave that to her.

She did not remember sleeping on the bed. She was sitting by the window waiting for Kai to return from his meetings that was supposed to end already. She must have fallen asleep before he had returned. Realizing that she had been thinking for far too long she tried to sleep, her internal clock informed her that it was only 3 in the morning. Cinder tried sleeping, sheep-counting, she cuddled closer to Kai. It was a failed attempt. Sleep won't come while she kept thinking about the meetings she had with the world leaders, Kai's birthday gift, Iko's request to go shopping and Torin's thoughts on the new policy they had talked about earlier. Hence, she gave up and rolled herself out of bed without disturbing Kai. Thankfully, Kai was fast asleep today. Maybe his meeting with the palace staff was exhausting. It went up pretty late.

Walking out into the balcony adjoining their chamber, she said, 'I'm fine.' Cool air helps you become calm at least that's what that rom-com which Kai saw said. It was the day of the new moon. Luna would not be visible today. Although she had spent little part of her life there, she felt somewhat attached to it. Luna and being Lunar was a part of her and she had learnt to embrace it despite the horrors that Luna had stricken Earth with. The cool air might have been helpful as it helped her keep thoughts of her nightmare at bay. She had once told herself for hours that Kai loved her. Even though she was a Lunar and a cyborg he truly loved her. She had seen it for herself not that she doubted it but a little reassuring is what she needed from time to time.

“Ah!”

“Shhh..it’s me “he whispered into her ear.

Kai. He had hugged her from behind and maybe her audio-interface did not hear his footsteps or maybe she was just too deep in her thoughts to realize that he was awake. Kai was not as silent as a cat rather he announced his arrival like the Emperor that he is.

“You gave me a heart attack, ever heard of informing before hugging people in the middle of the night?”

“Have you heard that according to the facts people usually sleep at 3 in the morning?”

She dared not answer that. Why could she just not have snuggled up closer to him in the bed than he would have not realized that she was awake. Now she had woken him up and he would talk about her problems until they were solved. He would be missing his chances of sleeping just because of her. She mentally scolded herself.

“Nightmares?” he asked slowly.

She nodded. He did not say anything after this. They remained silent for a long time. Something must be wrong. It was unlike Kai to be silent for so long so she turned around. He looked visibly shaken himself.

“You too?” she asked. He nodded hesitantly.

“The same one?” He nodded again.

“It’s okay Kai. I am here with you.”

He opened his mouth to say something but shut it, took a minute to get his thoughts together and spoke, “I had woken up and you were not there so I got all riled up and started frantically looking for you and then I saw you here and - ”

Before he could complete his rant she hugged him tightly. He did not waste any time before his arms had found their rightful place around her waist. She felt better just being near him- Kai worked miraculously on her anxiety. If he was a medicine he would totally help everyone get over their nervousness. It was quite his charm. Thankfully Cinder had him all for herself well not entirely as he was the Emperor so the well-being of the people was more important than personal well-being.

“Kai, why have you brought the blanket with you?” she asked teasingly.

He looked sheepish now. "Well after I saw you in the balcony and may I add on a cold night. I thought it would be good to... you know take a blanket to comfort you- and me as well. I don't want you to think that you need comfort like I need it too ...and it's okay to find comfort in each other and I have seen that blankets are necessary for comfort on cold nights and I thought to bring it along and now I am not so sure about my decision...maybe now that I know better I should just go back to-"

“Yeah. I know Kai.” she said grinning, obviously making fun of him. Although the Emperor of Eastern Commonwealth, Kai stuttered a lot while expressing his feelings and it was fun to watch the perfect diplomat stumble over his words from time to time.

“You are so adorable when you ramble about things as silly as blankets.”

“Stop making fun of me. I am your Emperor.”

“I am your wife Mr. Emperor. I can make jokes at your expense.”

“I don’t remember it being mentioned in the list of rights you possess either as an Empress or wife.”

“It’s an unwritten law dear husband.”

“Well I withdrew your authority from this specific unwritten law as the Emperor, my lady.”

Having these banters with Kai, made her day as the Empress a bit more tolerable. It made her forget all about her worries and critics. Kai brought out the best of her. Something she would have never discovered if not for him. Falling into a comfortable silence, they decided to sit down on the couch that they had kept in the balcony for midnight scenarios like this. She guessed he had fallen asleep till he asked the question she had been dreading about all this time.

“So?” he asked worriedly.

“So?” she mimicked.

“Were you going to tell me?” he asked, his brows knitting together.

“What?” She asked, confused.

“Your nightmares?” he asked.

She had really believed he had forgotten about it just like she had. She had this gut feeling that this conversation would not end up without her being broken. She had been avoiding this talk for long enough now hence she decided to speak before giving rise to more complications.

“Oh that! It was nothing Kai.”

“Oh so now that you are having a nightmare it is nothing?” he was annoyed at her if not disappointed.

“I don’t want to talk about it now. I am rather happy now.” She had a slight sensation of a headache coming. If Kai pressed further she would be on the verge of a mental breakdown.

“Didn’t we talk about this Cinder? We would help each other and now you are backing out. Keeping everything bottled up will not help and no matter how much you try to hide it from me I will know it Cinder. How about cutting the crap and talking about it already!”

Cinder wanted to escape from the balcony. She was not so afraid to speak out about her problems than she was of being more or less guilty that she had kept her problems hidden from him.

“Kai” she croaked. Her throat had gone dry with an itchy sensation in her thorat. She did not want to fight with Kai. He was the first person who had stood up for her despite her abnormalities and origin. She wanted comfort from him but without troubling him and telling her problems will obviously add to his troubles.

“Were you ever going to tell me Cinder?” he asked, almost accusingly.

She hesitantly shook my head, better tell him the bitter truth. Now he looked disappointed and even slightly furious. His hand tugged at his hair pulling them so that he would not lose his temper and make things worse for both of them.

“Why? I already had figured out that you were hiding the fact that you were having nightmares and suffering alone. The mute function cannot stop your body from going stiff every time you wake up gasping for breath. I wanted to help but you refused; denying the very fact that you were having nightmares.”

“I did not want to trouble you Kai. You already had enough to worry about without my nightmares. My nightmares are nothing compared to yours. I didn’t want to wake you up every night and snatch away your very little sleeping time. So sorry if I became self-sacrificing because I decided to suffer alone.“

“It’s okay to have nightmares and I disturb you all the time when I wake up screaming. You make me look weak after you decide to suffer alone and Cinder didn't we promise that we would be there for each other in sickness and health. I want to help you just like you do. Tell me if there is something wrong with it and I would correct myself. So you better tell me what nightmare you had that got you so shaken up? Speaking helps Cinder listen to me.” He half- yelled at her trying to make her understand it.

We were yelling at each other and she could not help but be ashamed. Why does she have to be so heroic? to be the root cause of this fight.

“You wanna know what this was all about, right? Then let me tell you”, She was practically yelling as well. “I am scared of everything that happened to me. I am scared of how my life turned over night at the Annual Peace Ball, of how I went from being neglected to the Lunar Princess who was assumed dead for over a decade. I hate to say this but I am afraid that people will hate or maybe they hate me for being cyborg and the only reason they keep up with me is because I come from family who was full of power hungry tyrants or because I am married to you and insulting me will be like insulting the choices of the Emperor. My nightmares are about how you would turn out to hate me at that night of the Annual Peace Ball when Levana took me in custody or how Peony’s death is upon my head. Hell I am scared that you would stop loving me because I am a cyborg even though you have reassured me a thousand times that it is not relevant but Kai I am afraid of how fast my life has changed and it has not made me crazy yet which is quite surprising. I know you love me and believe me I love you too but all those people around me who hate me or when the reporters and someone who does not know me criticizes me it makes me question my worth. Selene is important to them, Cinder is worthless. I do not know how Selene was. I am just Cinder, the girl who came out of the lab under Michelle Benoit’s house. I am the person who is the ashes of the 3 year old complete Selene. I am what am left behind of her and that haunts me at times. You love something incomplete Kai and I appreciate you for that but when I am nervous I just realize that you could have any girl yet you choose broken Cinder and I can’t comprehend it Kai. I just can’t –“

Before she could say anything, Kai tackled her into a bone crushing hug. He had wrapped his hands around herso tightly that she felt vulnerable and protected at the same time. She was panting for breath and stars, she had just yelled at Kai who was trying to be helpful. Her retina scanner warned her about rapid heartbeats and how she might shut down if she did not calm herself. Her internal clock said that it was 4:00 am. She sends those messages away. She would not pass out with important matters at hand.

“I am sorry Kai. I should not have yelled but I just got carried away-”

“Shh..be quiet.”

She had a throbbing sensation in her head and stars she wanted to cry. In the end it was Kai who was crying. He was an emotional dork, that’s what Torin and Cinder called him. It just felt like he expressed all the emotions that had been taken away from her. He expressed both their feelings. He completed her broken self but she would not dare say this aloud. Iko and Thorne would tease her to the moon and back.

“Stars, Cinder I can’t believe you had so many things bottled up. It’s not good to keep it all in. I love you and remember that no one can change it and let no one else tell you otherwise. ”

“I won’t mute myself from now on Kai. I promise.“she mumbled.

He pressed his forehead against her and mumbled words of encouragement. Their breaths mixed in the spaces between them. Her heartbeat had risen again for an entirely different reason. His unkempt hair tickled her. Kai's presence and his faint smell of soap and fresh pages even when he had just been sleeping soothed her. Pressing her forehead against Kai, she realized that sometimes being brave is to open up about one's problem. It takes actual bravery to accept your problems than to run away from them. Kai and Cinder had survived the lunar rebellion; they could survive the post trauma of the it as well. Together they had saved the world, now it was time to save them before they were lost in pretending to be someone else that they were not- in pretending that they were fine when they were not. Maybe if she accepted his help like he had, they could heal each other. Something good really came out of this conversation. He loved her, cyborg or not. 36.8% Human or not, he will always love her.

Thinking about this, she said,” I am in love with you Kai.” And then she closed the distance between them feeling peaceful.

_x_

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juniaships · 4 years

Text

Jora Holiday Bio **Update 2021**

The following paragraphs contains information exclusively for the original series.

Full Name: Jora Ladybird Holiday

Age: 9, 29 (Ben10000); 39 (Ken 10)

Birthday: March 31/April 1 (she was born 11:59pm on March 31)

Species: Human

Race: African American

Fandom: Ben 10 (classic&reboot), The Secret Saturdays (crossover), Generator Rex (crossover), Cartoon Network/CN City (crossover)

Voice Claim: Kimberly Brooks; Brandy Norwood is another alternate choice

Character Role: Friend and love interest to Ben Tennyson

Powers/Abilities: Rot Inducement, Mycokinesis, Poison/Toxin Immunity, Self Healing/Regeneration, Moderate Chronokinesis (Time-Acceleration)

Items: Vials, Mini Lab, Gloves

Relationships

Family: Jeremy (father), Mavis (mother), Tasha (sister), Pattibelle (first cousin) Ginger (family friend); Kenny, Kendrix & Belle (future children), Devlin (adopted son/cousin in law(?))

Friends: Ben & Gwen Tennyson, Max Tennyson, Cooper Daniels, Richard Mortis, Mama G (future mentor)

Acquaintances: Ginger T. Glass, Tamika

Love Interest: Ben is her primary love interest, as seen with their eventual future together as well as hints and blatant displays of "puppy love."

Enemies: Pretty much every villain in this show; her personal arch-nemesis is Kudzu, a lifestyle expert & entrepreneur who initially tried to gentrify Jora's neighborhood & ruin her family's business. Other villains include Master Mortis (Richard's creator), and Kudzu's bounty hunters.

Appearance

- Dark Skinned African American girl

- Chubby, shorter than Ben and Gwen

- Has dark brown hair styled in twisted pigtails, pink hair scrunchies

- Black Bead Eyes//dark brown

- Wears lilac lacy gloves

- Wears three different outfits through the show:

- Season 1: Yellow t-shirt, pink shorts, beige sandals

- Seasons 2&3: Pink and Yellow striped tank top, orange skirt, and same sandals

- Season 4: Pink and white t-shirt, yellow capris with orange belt, and purple shoes

Personality

A sweet and quiet girl, Jora Holiday did not consider herself to be special. She lacked friends in school and kept to herself out of fear of getting bullied. This was because she had to deal with her mutant powers since they came into fruition as a very small child. Jora normally tries to avoid or deflate conflict, though deep down she does get a little fed up with playing peacemaker if the squabbling persists. Jora is compassionate and humble, never boastful but also bashful when it comes to compliments and praise. Of the four kids she is regarded as the nicest.

Because of her powers Jora has clean freak tendencies in her desire to look as normal as possible. She tried to avoid gross situations, although later down the line she learns it's okay to dirty her gloves - literally.

But with sweetness comes sourness, as she does have a passive-aggressive side towards slights, whether real or perceived. She didn't get along with Tasha, feeling as though the latter didn't care for her (which isn't true). Jora tends to be oversensitive and takes things too personally, ans even can be prone to tears if provoked hard enough. She also bears lingering resentment and shame over the partial ailments her element brings; these feelings fade away over time as she grows to accept her powers and adapt to her condition. One of her biggest flaws is her timidness and inability to stand up for herself and others. She also didn't get along with Ben for a while, though they get better quickly.

Jora has a love of nature, as shown with her hobby of collecting flowers and mushrooms. She despises animal abuse of any kind, and strives to be a bit more conscious of the environment. She also seems to have no phobia towards bugs, and thus is the designated "spider catcher" on the Rust Bucket.

Jora has a passion for fashion and a girly sense of style, preferring to dress in bright or pastel colors. Her love of nature and love of fashion could lead to a career based on environmentally friendly beauty products.

Ben 10000: Lavender shortsleeved dress and white apron

Adult Appearance

When she grows up Jora is considerably more capable of handling herself. She gets upset when people see and treat her as a fragile thing, seeing as though they don't trust her. She also is very in tune with nature, spending her days off on long walks in the forests, or at her homemade lab making potions.

In this timeline she was a waitress who worked after shifts as a vigilante. At the time the Hero of Heroes didn't know who this mysterious woman was, although he was struck by familiar feelings.

Ken 10: Mint Green blouse and pink maxiskirt with pink wristwatch (which is actually her transformation device)

Costume: White bodysuit with light purple accents, helmet and visor.

Powers:

Jora has the element of Decay (&Rebirth), which enables her to induce decomposition in organic material.

Techniques

- While not proficient at hand to hand she can run fast in short bursts and have stamina

- Generate spore clouds to obscure vision and block a person's airways

- Increase or decrease the rate the decay

- Increase or decrease the size of mushrooms, from giant prehistoric constructs to miniature samples to be used for medicine

- Create a slippery puddle of rot to make opponents fall

- Throw globs of inky, rotting matter to create fungus or for long range

- Autumn Leaf Tornado

- Create Penicillin (first "upgrade")

- Able to "purify" corrupted Mycellium in the episode "Camp Fear"

- Scavenger-animal Empathy

- Forensics (adult level)

- Fossil Fuel Manipulation (adult level)

- Floral Manipulation (adult level, possibly teen)

- Acid Spit (adult level)

- Hallucinations (teen level)

Weaknesses

- Her power has little to no effect on material such as metal, glass, synthetic fabrics, stones

- Has to wear her gloves at all times which can be tedious and uncomfortable

- Lacks strength and hand-to-hand proficiency

- Weak to extreme heat & cold

- Shroom Constructs can be easily destroyed if not continually reinforced

- Unable to control her powers if under extreme duress

- Requires weapons to compensate for elemental weaknesses

- Requires a source for better potency

Strengths

- Immune to Time related attacks since her powers are considered a form of chronokinesis

- Create healing potions

- Immune to mycotoxins and can decrease and even render dangerous mushrooms safe for consumption (handy for outdoor missions)

- Powers seem to increase in wet environments, the Moon

- Her kind gentle personality makes it easier for her to restrain the dangerous potential of her abilities

- Memorized enough species of fungi and has her own mini lab to safely store and carry samples

- Natural empathy towards others

- Quick learner, continually studies her powers and traits to adapt

Background

Born the second child to floral shop owners Jeremy and Mavis Holiday, Jora had a normal childhood in the comfy small town of Annville, SC. A quiet child, she spent after-school helping around the shop. They were small yet popular with the townsfolk, reputed for their knowledge of plants and colorful arrangements. However that normalcy took a detour when Jora's powers camemto fruition.

When people started to notice more and more plants dying, that in turn led to decrease in customers and soon the shop began to undergo financial trouble. One day, a beautiful woman named Kudzu came into the store offering to buy the place from Jeremy. See, Kudzu was one of the wealthiest and powerful people in town. He refused. The next day Kudzu came again with another proposition. Again Jeremy refused. This occurred all through the week, until finally a very irritated Mavis demanded Kudzu to leave their family alone. That time, Kudzu left and didn't ame back after that. The couple was relieved. Jora was nervous.

One day, just as Tasha and Jora were at the last day of school anf thr parents were off to cash in their winning lottery ticket, the floral shop caught fire! The firefighters were called and put out the blaze, but it left their shop and home in charred ruins.

Jora felt very guilty: if she never had her powers, there wouldn't have been such an awful domino effect. The fire was ruled as a freak accident, however Jeremy and Mavis believed that other forces were at work. They couldn't prove their theories as their suspect had too much power and leverage to be fought one on one. So they came up with a plan: they would spend the summer working to add money to the saved money while their kids go out of town. Mavis called upon an old friend from trade school to take the girls on vacation (somewhere safe from Kudzu).

The next couple of days after staying at a shelter, the girls were able to buy a few new outfits and essentials and told to wait for a brown and white RV. When the RV arrived, out came a older gentlemen in a bright scarlet Hawaiian shirt, with two children trailing behind him. He introduced himself as Max Tennyson, and the two kids were his grandchildren Ben and Gwen.

Trivia

Jora has a nature motif to contrast Ben's aliens and Gwen's magic.

Overall Jora is the most normal member of the team; her family has no connection to the Plumbers or magic.

Jora doesn't have signature color, the closest would be pink and yellow since those are colors she tends to wear the most of.

I made Jora so that there'd be another main girl in the cast and because the show didn't have a black female character (despite having nonwhite female characters of other ethnicities, and black male characters)

She does not have a major role in UAF; instead her storyline is seen as a spinoff (think Static Shock to the Justice League) focusing on smaller-scale plots with occasional cameos from main cast

Jora does come back in Omniverse to replace Gwen as the female lead; she is joined by Dr. Azura (Secret Saturdays OC), Myra Hopewell (GenRex), Ginger T. Glass, and her cousin Patti.

It is unknown whether her power is genetics or a random mutation.

In the Ben 10000 timeline she and Ben broke up because Ben tried to forbid her from going on active missions as a way to keep her safe. Obviously she didn't like that and left. They do reconcile at the end of the episode.

Out of my OCs for this fandom Jora is the lead character, followed by Kendrix

Jora's powers can vary based on the type of fungi she's using at the time. So her colors could range from inky-black to a gorgeous green

She is a candidate to take on the mantle of Mother Nature (currently held by Mama G)

Her hobbies are: reading comics and books primarily fantasy genre, costume design, hiking, floral pressing, DIY crafts, and insects

Due to her timid nature she has a fear of public speaking.

I don't have a claim for her in the live action films sorry!!

Jora is a foil for Kevin in that she was born with destructive powers. Unlike Kevin, she learned to rely on friends to help her stabilize her powers.

- A recurring subplot is the girls encountering and escaping from Kudzu's hired goons sent to track them down.

Jora was going to have standard plants and flowers as her power but I wanted to go for nontraditional elements instead.

The irony is that she's a softie dressed in bright colors and respects life, yet has a power related to death.

- At the end of the show she reunites with her parents and they're able to rebuild their business. She also stands up to Kudzu and exposes the woman for the rotten POS she is

Quotes:

"Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, meet face!"

"I like comic books. My favorite is the Fantasia Legends."

"If you're supposed to be Lucky Girl then why dress up like a black cat?"

"There's a lot of stories hidden beneath these trees. You just gotta know where to look."

"I'm not that scared little girl you used to pick on, Ben. I think you know I can take care of myself."

"Look I didn't get to choose my powers okay! But Kudzu chose to set our family's house on fire and I'm not gonna sit back and watch her hurt anyone else!"

"It's okay. I'll help you."

"It's called having good manners. You should try it sometimes."

"Leave. Them. Alone!"

"Please let this be a normal day this time!"

"You're like a mushroom. Unassuming at first, but something unique and vibrant!"

"Ben I don't know how to say this but... you're not alone. Don't ever think you're alone."

"I hope you'll be able to see that there's more to life than just money and business but until that day comes, we'll all do very well without you!"

"I may make things rot but the both of you are rotten to the core!"

Recent Pictures

Reference sheets for Omniverse

Sketches:

#oc bio #fyeahocsofcolor #ben 10 #ben 10 original series #ben 10 oc #oc: jora holiday #canon x oc #love interest #oc x canon

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nalgenewhore · 4 years

Text

Too Late To Turn Back Now - Six

masterlist - ao3 - last chapter - next chapter

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Something warm was pressed into him, his arms holding something to his chest, his face pressed into the curve of someone’s neck.

Lorcan frowned, groggy as he lifted his head to find Elide in his arms. Her shirt had ridden up, his hands splayed across her taut stomach. He didn’t know what to do, not wanting to wake her and also not wanting to stay here, holding her as she slept. Never mind that he hadn’t slept that well in ages and that Elide fit so perfectly against him, he did not like it. Not one bit.

Deciding to wait, he tracked his eyes over her profile, the gentle slope of her nose and the way her rosy lips parted slightly. Every time she breathed out, the strands of hair that fell over her face floated up and floated down. She began to shift and he hastily moved his arms, turning away before she could fully wake up.

He pretended to be asleep as she shifted and the bed moved. Lorcan slowly got up, sitting against the headboard and looking over at Elide to say good morning. He had broken something new and fragile between them, but he didn’t know how to get back to what they had made. It was different last night, Elide tucked into his side, smiling and happy as they spoke. The words died in his throat and she looked back at him, her eyes closed off and face unreadable.

“Hello? Lorcan?”

Lorcan swallowed hard, his mouth dry as he rasped, “Is that my shirt?”

At some point during the night, Elide had swapped out her hoodie and sweats for one of his t-shirts that hit mid thigh. Her pale cheeks pinked and she ducked her head, fingering the worn cotton hem as she muttered, “I sleep cold and you’re a furnace.”

When he didn’t answer, too shocked by the sight of her, she shifted on her feet, crossing her arms, “Why are you staring like that?”

“’Cause you look good,” Lorcan breathed, unable to stop the words. “Really good.” He slowly raked his gaze up her body to hers, the glimmer of heat wiped from her eyes the moment their sights met. To change the subject, he quickly asked, “Where are you going?”

“Oh, I’m going on a run. Clear my head.”

“Ok. Um, can we- can we talk later?”

She nodded solemnly, grabbing a pair of leggings and a long-sleeved synthetic top. “Sounds good.”

“Alright, I’ll let you get on with your run.”

“See you.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Her feet landed lightly on the soft trail, bouncy soil covered in pine needles and pinecones. ‘Cause you look good. Really good.

Anneith help her, that was so not helpful right now. Elide stopped at a fork in the path, hoping she could find her way to the ocean by following the waves.

What she heard was quiet, steady beats of a drum and voices reciting words in a language she didn’t know. Curiosity got the best of her though and Elide listened carefully and turned left, walking down the path.

As she walked further and further, the scent of sage grew and grew and she sighed, feeling the smoke wash over her. The path brought her to a secluded grove, where she saw three women kneeling, their backs to her.

Elide got the sense she shouldn’t interrupt this and slowly stepped backwards, the sound of a twig snapping under her foot deafening.

The rhythmic drumming and chanting stopped and as one, Odette, Aneha, and Sadirah turned, their faces suspicious until they saw her and smiled warmly. “Elide!”

“I’m sorry, I just heard the drumming and—”

Aneha shook her head and stood up, walking across the grove, a braid of sweetgrass in her hand. “We were just praying, you don’t need to apologize.” Slowly, as if she were shy, she asked, “Do you want to join us?”

“Oh, I don’t need to, I’ll just leave you all to pray. I’m sorry again.”

“Please? We’d like to share this with you,” Aneha pouted slightly, making her dark eyes wide and big. Elide relented with a nod and walked, hesitantly, to kneel beside Odette, Aneha on her other side and Sadirah on Odette’s other side.

“Do you know about the Ozuye?”

Elide shook her head, her hands folded in her lap. “Not much. Lorcan hasn’t mentioned it much.”

“Ah. Well, I’m not surprised,” Odette commented, commencing the gentle drumming. “Lorcan has had difficulty with his heritage.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” she said, her face growing sad. “My son never felt as though he belonged. The anger inside of him… is like nothing else. The hate he feels.” Sadirah and Aneha continued their prayers, beautiful words spilling from their lips. “In our language, there is not a word for hate and we don’t feel it, but Lorcan does. He feels love, just as much, but he’s always focused on the anger.”

“Vaughan told me about their… father.”

“That’s good. You should know. As I’m sure you know, Lorcan isn’t one to discuss his past. For a long long time, he was ashamed and ashamed of his shame. He lost his way.”

Elide stared down at her lap, her voice quiet. “I lost my way with my people.”

“Terrasenians?” Sadirah asked.

She shook her head, “Blackbeaks. My father was from Terrasen, but my mother was from the Frozen Wastes. I stopped my practice when I left home.” She regarded the sage in Sadirah’s hand, watching the smoke. With a finger, she traced the sage that wafted over to her, reading the white smoke, “This is good. To us, it means this space is cleansed.”

Sadirah smiled excitedly, gesturing vaguely, “We’re performing a sun prayer right now, for the solstice.”

Elide had forgotten the solstice was approaching and shared a small grin with the younger girl, “It’s coming up soon. I always loved the summer solstice.”

Odette offered to teach Elide the prayer and the twins smiled wildly, with abandon, as she recited the words, her pronunciation far from perfect or even good, but Odette assured her the Creator didn’t care how it sounded, as long as the meaning was there.

The prayers wrapped up and as they stood, wiping the pine needles from their clothes, Elide asked Lorcan’s mother. “Did Lorcan ever find his way back?”

“Yes, he did,” Odette replied, her full lips pulling into a wide smile, her eyes crinkling. “You can always find your way back, Elide. Your gods haven’t left you, they’re just waiting for something. For some, it means meeting a woman they describe as Death’s consort, but your moment will come, my dear.”

“Are you telling tales about me, iná?”

They turned to find Lorcan leaning against a tree, something unreadable in his eyes as he looked at Elide. Odette rolled her eyes, “You didn’t think to join us?”

Lorcan shrugged, “Didn’t want to interrupt. El, we’re going into town.”

Her brow furrowed, “For what?”

“Your parcel,” he said, arching a brow. “You coming?”

“Oh, yeah. I’ll see you all later,” she said, accepting the hug they all enveloped her in. “Thank you.” Elide walked backwards away from the grove, silently thanking her goddesses and respectfully dismissing them.

As they walked back up the path, Elide studied Lorcan, Odette’s words ringing in her mind. He glanced down at her, his brows creasing, “What is it?”

Elide just shook her head, “Nothing.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

After picking up her new phone, Lorcan took her to a café and steered her towards an empty table as she set up her phone. “Remind me again why I broke my old phone?” When he opened his mouth to say something, she held up her finger, “That was a rhetorical question, Salvaterre.”

Lorcan chuckled, “Enough said. Do you want something to eat?”

“No, thank you, just water? Please.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say please and thank you this much,” he teased her as he stood up to wait in line. Lorcan glanced out the window and did a double take. Elide followed his gaze to where Essar was, oblivious to Lorcan as she led a group of children, all holding hands. “On second thought, give me just a minute.”

Lorcan left before she could say anything and she watched him walk up to Essar, who smiled brightly up at him. Elide paused in her setting-up, watching them as they spoke and Lorcan crouched down in front of a child, his face bright and joyful. She’d never seen him this happy.

Swallowing past her tight throat, she listened through her messages, smiling triumphantly as the courts called back, asking her to call them as soon as possible to schedule an appeal. Excited, she hastily gathered her shiny phone and the box it came in, rushing out to tell Lorcan. “Lorcan!”

He turned to her, a brow raised, “Yes?”

“We got it, we got the appeal!”

He gasped, “Really?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, laughing as he wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her, picking her up and swinging her around. “We got it.”

As he put her down on her feet, his eyes tender and soft, “You’re fucking amazing, Lochan.”

“Language,” she murmured, reaching up to pick a pine needle off the collar of his sherpa jacket and giving a pointed look to the children. Lorcan chuckled and rolled his eyes as she turned to Essar, “I’m sorry, there’s just this case and it got appealed and it’s just a whole big thing.”

“Well, I have no idea what’s going on, but I’m happy for you two. I should be getting the kiddos back to school, but I’ll see you guys on Sunday. Say bye-bye to our friends,” Essar said to the children and they all yelled good-bye, still holding hands as they waved.

Lorcan and Elide laughed and waved goodbye as Essar led the children down the sidewalk. “I can’t believe you actually got the appeal.”

“Are you dissing my mad lawyer skills?”

He laughed and shook his head, “Nah, no way. It’s more like Cairn fucked it up so bad and the judge hates him.” His arm was slung over her shoulder and she bumped him with her hip, scrunching her nose up as he made a face and stuck his tongue out at her.

“You’re a child.”

He opened his mouth to reply when they heard someone calling their names. They looked behind them at Sadirah who ran up to them. “Hey! Elide, do you mind coming with me? There’s something for you.”

“What, I can’t see it?”

“Nope. Top secret, big man. You’ll find out soon enough,” she said, tugging on Elide’s hand. “You’ll see her later, gods above, go!”

He held his hands up in surrender and backed away, “I’ll be at the boat when you’re ready, princess.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Sadirah pulled Elide into a shop above Dresenda’s, refusing to answer any of her questions. Elide only became more confused when she saw Aneha, Odette, Aelin, and Nehemia waiting in chairs in what appeared to be a seamstress’ atelier. “What’s happening?”

Aneha stepped up, a garment bag in her hand, “Go into the back and change!”

Elide dutifully took the bag and passed into the closed off area, her breath catching as she unzipped the bag and revealed to herself a white silk dress, no extra beading or decorations save for painstaking pleats and beautiful mother-of-pearl buttons.

Her throat ached with tears as she changed into it, the gown fitting like a glove. It wasn’t particularly figure-showing or revealing, but beautiful, nonetheless. The sleeves were loose until they cuffed just below the elbow, pearl buttons running up the sides. The curtain moved to the side and Odette stepped in, smiling as she zipped up the back, “Thought you might need some help.”

Elide smiled gratefully, pressing her lips together to keep her tears at bay. She breathed out slowly, smoothing her hands over the bodice, her fingers tracing the decorative pearl buttons that went up her sternum to a dropped v-shaped neckline. “It’s beautiful.”

“It was my mother’s. It was a scandal, you know, the marriage. You see, she was from the Toka nation – the Ozuye’s long-time foe. But still, she married my father and we had a happy life.” Odette gently undid Elide’s ponytail from her run and gathered her hair in a low bun. “Lorcan looks at you the same way my father did my mother. I hope you know just how much he loves you.”

“I do,” Elide replied, tears pooling in her eyes.

They heard Aelin holler, “Well, come on out! We want to see!”

Elide and Odette chuckled, “Always a rebel rouser, that one.” Odette kissed Elide’s cheek and opened the curtain to usher her out.

They all squealed and clapped as Elide stepped onto the pedestal, looking at herself in the mirror. Admittedly, she looked gorgeous, and Aneha stepped closer, scrutinizing with a pincushion on her wrist. “How does it feel?”

“Perfect, really. Except for maybe the waist,” she pulled in the extra fabric and Aneha nodded, her eyes narrowing as she pinned the dress in place.

She moved to the back and pulled at the shoulders, “I’ll fix these, as well, just raise them a bit. You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Elide murmured, looking at Odette as she walked up with a jewellery box in hand.

“Here, we thought you might need something borrowed or blue.” She opened the box and lifted out a dainty silver chain with an oval-shaped blue jade. Odette stood behind Elide, bumping her daughter out of the way to gently lay it around Elide’s throat.

The stone was cool against the skin of her chest and she gasped a bit at the feeling as Odette put her hair back in a twist, clipping a tortoiseshell hair clip around her hair.

Elide barely heard their compliments as she stared at herself, her eyes welling. She’d forgotten what this was all like.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Lorcan was sitting in the boat, reclined and dozing in the warm sun when he was woken abruptly by Elide, her eyes red-rimmed. “Can we go.”

“What happened—”

“I need to get out of here, so can you please just drive?” He didn’t ask any more questions and steered the boat out of the marina. “Move over. I want to drive.”

“Elide, wait—”

She pushed him out of the way and grabbed the wheel, pushing on the lever until they were cruising at max speed, slicing aggressively through the water. Lorcan let out a shouted curse and grabbed onto the window, eyes wide and on Elide as she drove. “What are you doing? What happened?”

“Your family loves you, you know that?”

“Yes, I fucking know that! Why are you going so fast, what happened?”

“You know that they love you and you’re still lying to them!”

“What did you think was going to happen when we got up here?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t think about it!” In a flash, she let go of the wheel and stumbled to the seat as Lorcan swore and caught it, still remaining at the top speed as he yelled at her.

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever fucking heard in my life, Elide.”

“I forgot, ok?!”

“Forgot what?”

“I forgot what it’s like to have a family, you bastard! I’ve been on my own since I was fourteen and spent all my time studying to get away from Perranth! I forgot what it’s like to have people love you and hug you just because and give you necklaces and ask to spend the holidays with you! And you have that here and I’m just ruining everything!” ”

Lorcan didn’t know where this was coming from and he got angry, “You didn’t fucking think about that? No, of course you didn’t! Of course, you didn’t think about how this could fuck up my entire life because all you care about is you! You’re the most selfish person I know, Elide!” There was a buoy in his path and he swerved violently to avoid it. “Hellas below, I get that you’re freaking out, but you can’t just commandeer a boat you don’t know how to drive!”

He finally slowed the boat and waited for her reply, only, it never came. Lorcan scoffed, “Oh, yeah, that’s real mature, princess, just ignoring- Elide?” he turned around and didn’t see her. Confused, he glanced around, wondering where she could’ve gone. He bent down, wondering if she’d maybe crawled under the bench.

Somebody screamed and he looked up in his wake, seeing somebody thrashing in the water. “Shit, shit, shit, Elide!” Pale hands broke the surface and bubbles popped up as she fought to reach air.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

The ocean was bitingly cold and wet, dark all around her. She couldn’t breathe, saltwater shoving up her nose and burning in her throat. She thrashed, fighting to get to the surface and a breath of air. As she broke free, she screamed, hearing him yell for her to swim to the buoy.

Using all her strength, Elide made her way to the metal structure, grabbing the iron rung of the ladder and clinging to it. Elide climbed up carefully, not moving her legs until she had a death grip on the next rung.

Waves splashed against her as Lorcan slowly approached her, reaching a hand out. “Grab my hand, Elide.”

She glanced fearfully at the water, his hand, and the boat, judging the distance to be too great and shook her head. “It’s too far. I’m going to fall.”

”Every time you fall, I promise I will catch you, just grab my hand.” She didn’t move. “Princess.” Slowly, she stretched her arm out and grabbed his wrist. “There you go, it’s ok, let go of the ladder.”

She did and he pulled her through the water to the boat, tugging her up effortlessly and sitting her on the plush leather seat, kneeling down and grabbing a blanket from one of the compartments. Her whole body was wracked with great big shivers and he wrapped the blanket around her shoulders, sitting next to her and pulling her into his lap. He shucked off his thick sweater, draping it over her as well.

Lorcan rubbed her arm, getting the blood flowing through her body as she shook. “Why would you do that, you know you can’t swim,” he berated her, his heart still slamming in his chest as he started the boat again. Elide pressed her face into his neck, the tip of her nose freezing against his warm skin. “You just can’t go around trying to drown yourself when you’re insulted, Elide.”

Elide’s teeth were clacking loudly together as she said, “You made me fall in, bastard. It’s all your fault.” She knocked her forehead against his jaw and glared up at him, nothing like the intimidating scowl that was usually directed at him. “You lost me.”

He shifted her so he could wrap his other arm around her as well and still keep a hand on the wheel. “I will always find you, Lochan. I promise.” Elide looked up at him, something warming in her heart. “Ok?”

She nodded and tucked herself further into his chest, “Ok.”

Lorcan smiled down at her, smiled at the way she folded herself into him so naturally and felt something stir in his chest, similar to what he’d felt holding her this morning in their bed. Only this time, he let himself hold her tighter and his grin grew wider, unbeknownst to her.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

an: aw it’s cute

@mythicaitt @tinywolfofeyllwe @schmlip-scribble @the-regal-warrior @westofmoon @empire-of-wildfire @rhysands-highlady @city-of-fae @shyvioletcat @alifletcher2012 @tangledraysofsunshine @ttakeitbacknoww @tswaney17 @ourbooksuniverse @flora-and-fae @thesirenwashere e @queenofxhearts @maastrash @mynewdreamwasyou @cursebreaker29 @superspiritfestival @yikesitsmaddie @flowerspringsea @queen-of-glass @sleeping-and-books s @b00kworm @bat-wing-rhys @poisonous00 @empress-ofbloodshed @feyrethedarklady @gorl-power @keshavomit @ifinallygavein @rosegoldannie let me know if you want to be added/removed from the tag list

#too late to turn back now #tlttbn chapter six #the proposal au #elorcan #elide x lorcan #elide lochan #lorcan salvaterre #isa writes #nalgenewhore

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thejoyofviolentmovement · 2 years

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New Audio: JOVM Mainstays Secret Shame Share Gorgeous New Single

New Audio: JOVM Mainstays Secret Shame Share Gorgeous New Single @ShameSecret @transmissionpr_ @dropofsunstudio

Asheville-based post-punk outfit and JOVM mainstays Secret Shame can trace their origins back to summer 2016 when Matthew (bass) and Lena (vocals) met through mutual friends. As a duo, the band released their self-titled debut EP, but they mostly stuck to hometown DIY shows. Nathan, who had released the band’s debut EP, later joined on drums and not long after, Aster joined on guitar. The…

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#Asheville NC #Color Drain #Drop of Sun Studio #New Audio #New Single #non-binary artists who kick ass #post punk #Secret Shame Color Drain #Secret Shame Dark Synthetics #Secret Shame S/T EP #Single Review #Single Review: Color Drain #Single Review: Secret Shame Color Drain

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wolfinthethorns · 3 years

Audio

Listen/purchase: Haunter by Secret Shame

#secret shame

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tomorrowhittoday · 3 years

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Secret Shame, guarda il video di "Pure"

Secret Shame, guarda il video di “Pure”

I dark rockers Secret Shame hanno realizzato il videoclip di “Pure” , b-side del singolo “Dissolve” uscito in 7″ l’anno scorso. Potete vederlo qui sotto: La band ha pubblicato il disco d’esordio “Dark Synthetics” in versione CD per Taxi Driver Records. Ordinabile qui.

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#secret shame #Youtube

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kalendraashtar · 5 years

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Fanfiction - Dark Shines

Just two chapters to go in Murder 1 after this one! Thank you for reading and supporting. Lots of love X

Part I, Part II , Part III , Part IV , Part V , Part VI , Part VII

Dark Shines

Part VIII – Witness

She was a witch and he was in her thrall.

Once, he had no recollection of her face as soon as she was away; now he was bewitched by the memory of her. Claire's face was never far away from his thoughts, and for the next three days as soon as he left the station he went straight to her house.

They made love with abandon, sometimes against the front door or on the hallway's floor, as if intimate touch was something that could escape them at any moment. Claire would relieve him of the burden of his holster and past sorrows with a knowing, fearless, hand; he committed to the job of loving her right with his whole body.

Jamie found laughter in her bed again, a wave that broke into him belly-deep, and he was forever chasing the sensation of lightness of her skin against his. She told him stories about her unusual customers, both tea-seekers and craft-believers, and he relished in experiencing something of her through those tales. They seldom talked about the past and never about the future, happy to exist only in that precipice before and after their joining.

"Do you want to see some actual magic?" She asked late one night, as Jamie watched her intently, sprawled on her unmade bed as she moved across the room. A rumpled sheet covered him modestly around the waist, auburn and cinnamon glistening on the sparse hairs of his naked thighs and legs.

"I thought I just did." He offered her a lopsided grin, filled with cockiness.

"I have more to offer than a good seeing to, Mister Fraser." She answered coquettishly, bouncing her stormy curls. "I mean, do you want to see what I can do with my craft?"

"I thought ye didna want to show me." Jamie noted haltingly, leaning forward so that he was half-sitting on the bed. "Couldn't ye have used it before, to convince me to believe ye?"

"You believe me now." The witch replied simply, as if that settled the matter entirely. "And that's why."

Not waiting for another rebuttal, Claire sat in front of him with crossed legs and covered her face with the palms of her hands, whispering softly.

"Servant of time under my palms,

Skin of oak, blood of sap,

Future me for him to see."

Jamie had a peculiar sense of warm wind howling from her hands, and when she finally moved them and revealed her face, he gasped audibly.

Staring back at him, with mischief laughing in her amber eyes, was a very old woman who looked remarkably like Claire, her skin seemingly made of marble-white parchment. Crowning her striking face wasn’t a riot of grey-white hair, but the same rich brown curls he had caressed just minutes before.

“How?” He asked hoarsely, moistening his lips to hide his incredulity. Fearfully, he reached out to touch her cheek - it felt warm and lively, just as her skin always felt underneath his eager fingers. “Is that - is that really ye, Claire?”

“Of course!” The tea-maker laughed and shook her head vigorously, as if battling away droplets of stubborn water, and when she raised her eyes again to glance victoriously at him, her face had returned to normal - beautiful, mysterious, young. "Or I will be, someday. What you see isn't all there is to see, Jamie. Creating things that aren’t there at all is harder - but this is actually quite simple.”

“I won’t lie, lass.” The profiler tilted his head, inspecting her closely, as if she was about to fade into thin, uncapturable, mist. “It’s verra hard to wrap my heid around it all.” He pressed his lips, half-amused. “Ye could turn me into a munter of a toad, if I dinna please ye, aye?”

Claire chuckled, nudging his bare chest with her open palm, as she came closer to him until their faces were in promising proximity. She quickly waved her right hand in front of her eyes and they shone ruby-red for an instant, before they returned to delicate honey. “Luckily, you please me plenty.”

Before Jamie could kiss her expectant mouth, the doorbell rang, sounding misplaced and dangerous in the quietness of the little hours of night.

“Stay here, Jamie.” The witch frowned and raised quickly, grabbing a blue robe to cover her nakedness, as she padded outside the bedroom, firmly closing the door behind her.

Feeling protective and more than a little curious, the police officer rapidly put on his trousers and slid outside the room as silently as possible. Tiptoeing on the wooden floorboards to avoid a traitorous crack, he crouched to peek swiftly around the corner of the hallway.

Standing with Claire was the grey-eyed woman he had seen at her house, in the very first night he had visited her, when he had stumbled upon what he believed to be a gathering of witches. The black-haired woman was tall and dressed completely in black, with a large sweater and skinny pants, that made her look willowy.

"There are words to be said between us, Claire." The newly-arrived woman asserted. Although there was nothing particularly threatening about her tone, the hairs on his arms stood on end. "Are ye alone?"

“No.” The owner of Beauchamp’s Cup crossed her arms. “You can’t just appear in the middle of the night, Malva, and expect me to be awaiting you with biscuits laid out.”

There was a long silence in the hallway and Jamie cursed himself soundlessly, realizing he had left his holster and badge on top of the table by the door, inadvertently revealing Claire’s nightly companion.

“I see.” The woman named Malva finally said mellifluously, an oiliness about her tone that made him grit his teeth. “The wee agent is a dishy, I’ll give ye that - but I dinna take ye for a junkie-lover, Beauchamp. Ye ken about his past, no? It’s all over his stars.”

“Keep Agent Fraser out of your mouth, Malva.” Claire answered calmly, her voice stubbornly composed. “Say what you came to say and leave me to my sleep, will you?”

“The last leaves are about to fall from the elder trees. Will ye be challenging me for the Alba Coven leadership?” The visitant spat, her words jumping with barely suppressed anxiety and anger.

Jamie gripped his fists, impatiently waiting for Claire’s answer, which followed a humourless chortle.

“I never wanted to be High Priestess, Malva.” He could sense the growing tension between the two women, even shielded from their gaze by the wall. “And I certainly don’t want it now. You’ll remain unchallenged, as far as I am concerned.”

“As long as ye live, Claire - the last of the Moriston’s - I am disputed. Yer mere existence is a claim on its own, don’t ye see?” Envy and resentment dripped from her words directly into Jamie’s ears. “They’ll have me, only because they canna have ye.”

Adso suddenly bolted across the corridor, almost bumping into Jamie’s legs in the process, running towards the front door while hissing madly.

“Yes, I believe she is leaving, my dearest.” Claire clearly addressed the temperamental feline, her melodic voice poised and tranquil. “You’re unsettling my familiar, Christie. Have a good night.”

“Oh, one last thing - I almost forgot.” The viperlike witch hummed, delighted. “Lizzie Wemyss is dead. I believe she was a friend, aye? I heard just before I came. Of course, yer mate would ken it already, if he kept his tadger inside his pants.”

***

Lizzie Wemyss was indeed Claire’s friend; their parting kiss had been moistened with her tears, as soon as Jamie got the call for the latest crime scene. He had pretended not to have witnessed the puzzling conversation between the two conjurers, greeting Claire from the bed where she had left him, before his phone buzzed ominously.

Just short of thirty, Lizzie’s fair hair had turned scarlet with her own blood, as she curled like a newborn at the centre of her living room. The air was burdensome, with a scent that wasn’t yet of death, but of life sprinting away in a flash of red.

Denzell Hunter and John Grey were already inside when Jamie arrived, both their faces muted and miserable at the thought of another victim to add to the harrowing tally.

“More of the same.” Detective Hunter sighed, nodding curtly to acknowledge Jamie’s arrival. “If we dinna put a stop to Edinburgh’s Demon soon, the director will demand my scalp and bollocks to decorate his fuckin’ Christmas tree.”

“Nothing out of the ordinary.” John’s gloved hands exhibited two books about wiccan practice, which he had retrieved from the victim’s shelves. “She surely fits victimology.”

“I have been thinking.” Jamie’s eyes scanned the scene thoroughly. “And I’m willin’ to bet that the murderer is a woman. Ye wouldna open the door to a complete stranger - but ye definitely would to a good friend; or at the very least, a lass ye were familiar with, maybe pretending she were in trouble and seeking help.”

“That certainly changes things.” Hunter chewed on his cheek, thoughtfully. “I’ll let the lads on patrol now, so that they can keep an eye out for - weil, whatever.” He shook his hands, incapable of describing in any synthetic way what they should be looking for exactly, before he stepped out of the room.

“That is one strange looking candle.” Grey said after a while, indicating with his finger a tall candle which stood on the corner, its wick untouched.

"That candle has some meaning to the witches." The red-headed criminal profiler pointed. "Claire Beauchamp has one just like it in her bedroom."

Too late, Janie realized he had slipped and revealed much more than intended - he had just exposed his secret to a man trained not to miss it.

"You're sleepin' with the witch, aren't you? A person of interest in this investigation?" Grey shook his head, incredulous and slightly angry. "Christ, Jamie! Of all the risky and inadvisable things for you to do - what were you thinking?!"

"I needed to get to her." Jamie answered in a low rumble. "To gain her trust and find what she truly kens about the murders."

He felt sick in his wame and utterly shameful for uttering such words out loud. For making another soul believe he would use Claire in such a manner. But what could he say to his partner, that wouldn't complicate things even further?

I want her. I need her. I thought I was cured of needing, of yearning, but she has proven me wrong.

"That's fairly cold, no?" The blonde man raised a brow. "And a tad despicable? Not something I'd expect from you at all, Fraser."

"Sometimes ye need to find unorthodox ways of getting the job done, John." Jamie rebuked, striving to maintain a sense of aloofness. He was known as a fairly cynical bloke - if competent and reliable - in the corridors of the Yard; it was part of the appearance he had mastered to hide the deep crack inside. "I'm no' afraid of getting my hands dirty."

“And what have you shagged out of the woman, then?” The Londoner officer glared at him, aghast. “It better be worth your career if Director Gowan gets word of it.”

“I think the murders are all about a power struggle.” Jamie breathed deeply. “As most things are in our line of work. Just a different kind of power, perhaps.”

#Dark Shines #Part VIII #Witness #Outlander fanfiction #Jamie and Claire #Modern AU #dark mood #criminal profiler vs. witch

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