#Self Aware Oda Sakunosuke

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Oda Sakunosuke (self-aware)

Self-Aware! Oda Sakunosuke x GN! Reader

Warning: OOC. Yandere. Slight stalking. Spoilers for Untold Origins, Day I picked up Dazai, Dazai Osamu and Dark Era. English is my second language.

Becoming self-aware

🍛 Oda Sakunosuke become self-aware the moment after he died.

🍛 At first, he felt empty. Katsumi, Shinji, Sakura, Yuu and Kousuke... Were their death just a plot point? A 'food' for 'tragedy lovers'?

🍛 Oda quickly managed to collect himself. Right now, he can't do anything. He needs to investigate. He needs to think everything through.

🍛 Stuck between Living World and Afterlife, Oda continue to stroll down Yokohama streets, as a ghost, unseen by everyone.

🍛 Oda was observing. He was looking after ADA, he saw their pain, he saw Dazai's fury.

🍛 Oda was also looking after Port Mafia. Oda saw, that Mori tried his best to keep Port Mafia members calm. To create a strategy that will resolve this bizarre situation. Oda felt the rage of other Port Mafia members.

🍛 Oda was looking after Ango. He saw panic of his former friend.

🍛 Oda saw everyone. Oda saw, how confused and lost everyone were. The world they knew didn't exist anymore.

🍛 If the world 'exist' can be said about fictional world and characters.

🍛 Oda saw other ghosts. Andre Gide, a person, dressed in a winter coat, Shibusawa Tatsuhiko and others. Oda was sure, that there was more ghost. They were almost invisible. But, he was sure, that they were here.

🍛 Other ghosts wasn't very talkative. Oda didn't try that hard in making a small talk.

🍛 And Oda was thinking. He remembered every book he has read. He thought about every time characters has died or suffer. It didn't make the author a bad person for writing these books. It didn't make readers bad people for liking these books.

🍛 Oda still feel sadness. Sadness for kids' death. Sadness for other characters.

🍛 But, despite everything, Oda can't bring himself to be angry.

🍛 It wasn't anyone's fault. Not theirs. Not readers'. Not author's.

🍛 And then, one day, he felt an entity's gaze on him.

_____________

It was staring.

It wasn't blinking.

Its presence felt suffocating.

Oda was on his guard. He wasn't sure, if this thing was human.

Maybe, it was a demon. Or a god, that made them self-aware.

One thing was clear.

Something real was looking at them.

Oda's ability never showed him any danger. But, he wished that the imposing entity will disappear.

Right now, it didn't do anything. But, for how long it will be that way? How long it will be passive?

And can they fight against it?

Oda wonders if he can do anything against it. Anything to protect others.

And then, time resets.

And he, once again, was a fourteen-year-old assassin, captured at S&K Corporation.

__________

When they start feeling your presence

🍛 The Entity is gone. No more heavy gaze on them.

🍛 At least, for now, Oda can rest. As much as his situation allows him.

🍛 He heard the noise from the other room. The Bodyguard has arrived.

🍛 This time, there were someone else with the bodyguard. Oda can feel two people entering the room he was held in. The second one wasn't dangerous. The second one was simply watching. And they were... Interested? In him?

🍛 The second one was like an open book. Oda could feel their emotions as clear as day.

🍛 Bodyguard and Second One left together. And Oda, once again, heard, how Detective proved Secretary's fault. And Oda, once again, killed the secretary.

🍛 Oda felt, that he needed to do it. But, this time, he didn't want to do it.

🍛 When Bodyguard ripped off the sack, that was covering Oda's face, Oda saw Bodyguard, dead Secretary, and a person, who, for some reason, became in a light blob and were floating above them.

🍛 Apparently, they had the strangest ability ever. At least, among abilities Oda knew about.

🍛 Oda didn't even stop his gaze on them. Just another person.

🍛 Oda, once again, was taken in by police.

🍛 Oda saw Bodyguard and Strange Ability User again, when Bodyguard tried to find information about 'V'.

🍛 Strange Ability User were, once again, were curious about him. And worried about Young Detective.

🍛 And they were floating above him and Bodyguard.

🍛 Okay, why they still were a Light Blob? For what reason? What exactly this ability was for? To be cute? To be able to float? To allow others feel their emotions?

🍛 Oda decide not to ask. It's none of his business.

🍛 The strange day was over. And then time 'resets again'. Oda 'woke up' standing on his front porch. And Dazai, bloodied and wounded, was laying on his front porch. And, for some reason, Strange Ability User were there too. Still as a Light Blob.

🍛 Light Blob lowered themselves and settled on Oda's head.

🍛 Oda had an urge to throw them off. But, right now, he needs to take care of Dazai's wounds.

🍛 And then Oda heard a whisper that came from Light Blob.

"so sorry..." "why..." "him..."

🍛 And sadness. Sadness. As pure as a mountain spring. Like they were... grieving.

🍛 Light Blob... Were they really a human? Or, were they The Entity in disguise?

🍛 Maybe, Dazai knew something about them? Well, there are some time, before he will wake up.

🍛 With Light Blob on his head, Oda carries Dazai into his house.

🍛 Light Blob talked from time to time.

"Oda" "funny" "dangerous, but" "still try to help"

🍛 Okay, when few years? yesterday? Oda called them cute, he was joking. But... They are sounding adorable.

🍛 When Dazai woke up, Oda saw, that his friend looked shocked, angry, sad and happy at the same time. Oda pointed at the Light Blob and asked.

"Dazai, do you know, who are this? This Light Blob sounds adorable."

______________

Their talk was long. Dazai told Oda about everything he knew about The Entity.

And about thinking, that The Entity was evil.

Oda, after getting some answers about The Entity/Light Blob, was silent. Once again, it all was connected to them been fictional characters. Oda looked at Light Blob. At The Reader.

Oda has been thinking about it before. When he was a ghost on empty streets of Yokohama. Oda knew what he should tell Dazai.

"I don't think so, Dazai. We may be fictional characters. But, reading a book about a fictional character with a sad past doesn't mean, that The Reader enjoys suffering. Or, you don't think, that there's nothing interesting in us, except our suffering."

___________

🍛 Oda learned to enjoy Light Blob's company. Oda talked with them from time to time.

"Hey, Blobby, want to go for a walk?"

"Maybe, I should add more spice? What do you think, Blobby?"

"Don't be afraid of Dazai. I knew, that soon he will stop distrust you. He will see, that you aren't evil."

🍛 Oda encouraged Dazai to spoke to the Entity, but Dazai refused to do it. At least until their poker game.

🍛 Then came a run in with "48".

🍛 When Dazai and Oda were trying to escape, the Light Blob were floating ahead. Lighting their way. Dazai compared them to a guiding light.

🍛 Little Light were worried, when Dazai was poisoned.

🍛 Little Light was amazed by his fighting skills. And not even once they were disappointed, that Oda didn't kill anyone.

🍛 And when Dazai and Oda came to bar "Lupin" for the first time, the Light Blob was floating above them.

🍛 Oda thought, that it would be nice, if three of them, Dazai, Light Blob and him, spend time together.

🍛 And time reset once again.

🍛 Dazai, Oda and Ango, once again, met in bar "Lupin".

__________

There was sorrow in Dazai's and Ango's eyes.

They felt, that there is nothing they can do to change the outcome.

Little Light were trembling. They were sad.

"Why [||||||||||||] no one deserves it!"

There was sorrow in Mori's eyes.

"I am sorry, Oda-kun. If this time it could be different, I would choose another path. They like you. And I don't want Voice to be upset. They are... precious to all of us."

Little Light were still sad.

"Oda [||||||||] don't deserve it"

Oda felt Light Blob sadness, when he was visiting Katsumi, Shinji, Sakura, Yuu and Kousuke.

"[||||||||||||] don't deserve it"

Oda felt Little Light's sympathy towards Gide.

"No one deserved it..."

Little Light were crying with Oda, when the van with orphans inside was blowed up.

Little Light were trying to stop Oda together with Dazai.

"Please [|||||||||||||] stay..."

Little Light were crying, when his battle ended. They were crying for everyone, who were hurt by this conflict.

"People live to save themselves. It's something they realize right before they die, huh...? He was... right..."

Once again, Oda died in Dazai's arms.

Oda again was a ghost. Just like before the time reset.

And he heard the voice.

"sorry" "poor kids, poor Oda, poor everyone" "if only I can"

"Oda. If only I could do it, I would make sure that everyone would stay alive. I am so sorry. I wish... You were alive... That they were alive... That your dream came true..."

Oda feels like he was embraced by someone warm and nice. Oda feels something wet on his shoulder.

[In reality, your tears drop on LN's pages.]

Oda's words were warm. He heard, how Dazai called you 'Guiding Light'. Fitting name.

"Guiding Light, don't be sorry. It's not your fault. You are a good person. I wish, we could talk more..."

__________

🍛 Oda, as a ghost, was, once again, observing others. He saw, how Armed Detective Agency slowly come to see you in a good light. How last members of the Mafia accept you as a normal person.

🍛 Oda and other ghosts saw, how new people joined forces to find a way out of the fictional world. A way to you.

But then, one day, the purple moon shined above Yokohama.

And one day, the purple moonlight embraced Sakunosuke Oda.

_______________

When you installed BSD Mayoi Inu Kaikitan

___________

They saw Purple Moon above them. You got an SSR card. BSD Cast were waiting. They were curious about whose card you got.

R,R,R,SR,R,SR,SR,SR,R...

And, finally, SSR...

New one...

But, no one of the characters, whose SSR cards you don't have, felt, that it was their cards.

Purple moonlight fille the room.

They heard your voice.

"Wow! Oda's card! Neat!"

Purple moonlight faded.

Oda Sakunosuke, man, who died four years ago, was standing there. Alive.

__________

🍛 Yosano ran a check-up on Oda. He was fine and well, just a little bit dizzy.

🍛 Dazai and Ango didn't leave Oda's side. They wanted to make sure that their friend is really here.

🍛 Oda was glad to be alive. This way, he can help others to find a way to your world.

🍛 But, for now, he will enjoy your company.

🍛 Oda didn't do much with his cards. He is more interested in where you 'throw' the marble.

🍛 If you have his card in a team, he will use his ability and 'throw' the marble for you. Because of that, you will always have 100% clear stage.

"Why Oda's cards are so pretty?"

"Okay, Oda, let's win this Boss Battle."

"It seems, that I can win Oda SR card in this event. Well, tome to clear some stages.

🍛 Oda (and then Shibusawa with Gide) was helping with adding new cards (new characters) in game. With his ability, he managed to help to add other 'ghost' characters in the game.

🍛 One time, Oda was approached by Natsume Soseki. He asked Oda if he wants to help him and Poe to write new Seasons to add in game. Natsume explained, that Seasons were written like Diary Entries. Oda promised to think about it. He feels, that observing you make him feel better. He wants to know as much as he can about you. About a real person. Maybe, his dream can become a reality.

🍛 He wants to try to write about your world. About real people. About real you.

🍛 Oda is waiting for the moment he will meet with you. He wants to discuss so many things with you. Finally, his conversations will stop to be one-sided.

___________

You got another note in the Gift Box.

Some Gold. And a note.

"Hello, [Y/N]. I hope, that you are alright. Hey, do you have any book recommendations? Will like to discuss literature with you while eating curry. Oda Sakunosuke"

You smile and open Oda's card in Character menu. You pat Chibi Oda's head.

"I might recommend something to you, Oda. Hope, you will like my recommendations. And, I like the idea of eating curry with you."

You didn't notice, that Oda's sprite nodded and smiled.

[ddostoyevskyy]

BSD MEN!

↳ WITH A LOVER WHO ALWAYS GETS HYPER WHEN THEY CONSUME SWEETS AND/OR COFFEE.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒... nothing much, just fluff and can be read as gn!reader. Mori Ougai.

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄... slight self-indulge because I get all hyper when I drink coffee, mwahahahaha.

BSD MASTERLIST.

𝐇𝐄’𝐒 𝐓𝐑𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐌 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍; because he can’t handle your hyper ass. Although, you get too affectionates and he loves your sudden kisses on his cheek and the corner of your lips and the random back and side hugs felt lovely — your hyper awareness is just too much for him especially when you’re prancing around too much and playing harmless pranks like a kid or when your sudden mood changes from giggling to laughing into smallest things; it’s cute — you’re so cute, really and in all honesty, but he’s just too worried that you might hurt yourself or jab your thighs on the edge of a table.

Kunikida Doppo, Fukuzawa Yukichi, Sagakuchi Ango, Mori Ougai (ew), Oda Sakunosuke, Nakajima Atsushi, Nakahara Chuuya, Tachihara Michizō —

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐇𝐄’𝐒 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐘; as much as how hyper you are when you consume even little sweets or coffee, he’s running around and prancing with you, pinching your cheeks and biting your skin the same way you always do first.

Dazai Osamu, Edogawa Ranpo, Nikolai Gogol —

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐒 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐍 𝐃���𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒; especially when you’re feeling a bit down or not in a mood; he always have an extra sweets on his pockets, or he’ll make you a coffee to cheer you up. Especially, if you’re easily drained within the end of the day (or not even, just like me), he occasionally holds your hand which quite confuses you, until you found some candy on your palm which makes you smile as you munch down and he’s now contently staring at you with adornment and fascination when your energy charged full.

Dazai Osamu, Nakahara Chuuya, Edgar Allan Poe, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, Nakajima Atsushi, Mushitarou Oguri, Suehiro Tetchōu —

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐇𝐄’𝐒 𝐒𝐎 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐃; everytime you consume tons of sweets and coffee in just a day where you get all jumpy and enthusiastic, he’s looking at you like you’re some weird creature he calls his lover as he watches you with horrid eyes while you’re going tippy-tappy on walks and you’re clinging, nuzzling and being too sweet with him. But at the end of the day, he secretly enjoys it despite of how much he tried to gently push you  and how he grimace everytime you shower his face with kisses; he enjoys it, actually.

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Sigma, Tayama Katai, Saigiku Jōno —

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

All Rights Reserved 2023 © ddostoyevskyy. Do not repost without permission or plagiarized.

[aidendh]

Incarnate Ideas p5

RAU = Incarnate from birth

REAU = My heroes reborn

Genshin! Harris Twins AU

(Suke Harris / Adrik Harris)

Ryunosuke- Sword&Catalyst, Electro?, Student of a kitsune(Dazai)(Inazuma)

-

Suke-Sword, Despises Inazuma and Adepti, later awakens to Anemo when coming to terms with his past(Mondstat, Springville)

-

Fyodor- Noragami/ver, Previous Electro Archon, Manipulation/Childcare, The Father, Might have shared a distaste to visions (Snezhnien→ Inazuma)(was around pre-Seven)

-

Adrik- Awoke to an Electro Vision bc of his past-life, Catalyst, Mad about how closed off Inazuma had become (Mondstat, Springville)

RAU! Ichigo Momomiya

(Non memory, Fyodor Hinata)

Figures out how to edit her transformation appearance, salty about the pink, dress and cat genes

Still a cat tho

Color brown, kimono esc

Sassy little bby

Harris Twins AU + Older sibling Kuuske Harris

(RAU! Kuuske (Kusuke) Saiki → Kuuske Harris)

Tenichally a triplet, but graduates at a young age

Kuuske and Adrik are often at each other's throats

"You call yourself a God? You wouldn't stand a chance against Kusuo!" -KH (to Adrik)

"DON'T TOUCH THAT!" -KH (to Adrik&River)

"Who's that friend of yours again? Abagale or something?" -KH (about Abalynn)

...You don't wanna enter their Palace... Trust me on this... ...Oh wait, they awoke years ago.

RAU! Dazai Osamu

(RAU! Fyodor Hinata)

Bbby Boi

+Atsushi Akutagawa

Ability: No Longer The Punisher

Semblance No Longer Human (w/Punishment kill switch)

GI! RAU! Kaedehara Kazuha

(Lord Hesko)

BC of time power, he fled Inazuma with his best friend

Original! Oc! !∆€0b

Remake of my oc 3rRor

A Lost Soul turned Enigma

 !∆€0b(Jacob)

RAU! Poe → Abigail Harris

Fyodor Hinata → RAU! Oda Sakunosuke

Survived, Cafe/Infomant after mafia

New bbys, Akutagawas/Ango, Atsushi's self proclaimed grandpa, killed Gi 'mercy' for next life

REAU! Suke Harris→ Shoto Todoroki

Transfers to Gen Ed, because he wants to be his own hero, not a comercal one. Plotting his Father's murder, but Fuyumi's safety comes first. Has it out for Stain for killing his friend's brother, doesn't want Iida to sully his hands. Post-Sports Festival, Izuku protection squad. Sees his PL memories as Suke's but not his, simply his predisesor/Flawless Dispute's next host. Has to be careful because of Priestess having access to Ryūnosuke. Shinso friendship? Shinso friendship + training Hitoshi.

LS AU! Goro/Kairi adopting Goro Akechi bc of being a relative

LS! Fyodor Hinata →RAU! Sojiro

Or Noragami! Fyodor →RAU! Sojiro

Harris DID AU

Main - me, pigtails

Alters;

Aiden(confidence) - helps make friends, writer, takes years to realize, high ponytail (wants it shorter)

Suke(obedience) - makes study guides after realizing, any hairstyle (wants it short)

Adrik(impulse) - most likely to show when tired, first to realize, low ponytail or down (wants it slightly shorter), aware the most even when back seated

They all use a notebook to help 'memory issues'

Adrik cuts the hair shorter, but long enough for pigtails

BSD!Suke → Yusuke Kitagawa

Noragami!Fyodor → BSD:LS!Ayato Satoshi

Noragami!Fyodor → Adrik Harris

Guìhóng → RAU! Kajii Motojirou

Tai Sui severed his contract with Lady, allowing him to incarnate

Lemon* Makes him immune to any damage from his experiments

Lady has been waiting years to find their perfect vessel again

RAU! Akutagawa (lordbug) → RAU! Ryunosuke Akutagawa

Avoids the mafia, keeps his orphan group safe, searches for Higuchi and adds her, eventually know as The Phantoms, hides and avoids Dazai during the shipment raid, know Dazai still tells someone was there, heavily against the group interacting with the mafia (you could die or be captured), Rashomon same as PL skill level

REAU! Guìhóng → Denki Kaminari

Close with Momo and later Hatsume, starts taking both Hero and Support Course, eventually can find Lady (she WILL have her perfect vessel)

W/ ↑

REAU! Braham → Katsuki Bakugo

Camp, gains minor shadow powers bc of death, Denki's guard dog

[ao3feed-fyozai]

my little sillies ( flos bsd ships & headcannons & oneshots )

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/BOjWcdt

by demonssnow

afew quick notes for the first chapter !! - im aware this isnt my usual content but i had to get my ideas out somewhere !!

OR

a self indulgent oneshot and headacannon fic! (requests are welcome!!)

Words: 493, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: Multi

Characters: Bungou Stray Dogs Ensemble

Relationships: Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Ryuunosuke/Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Ryuunosuke/Lucy Maud Montgomery/Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Lucy Maud Montgomery/Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Tanizaki Junichirou/Tanizaki Naomi, Akutagawa Gin/Tachihara Michizou, Akutagawa Gin/Higuchi Ichiyou, Ozaki Kouyou/Yosano Akiko (Bungou Stray Dogs), Oguri Mushitarou/Yokomizo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Oguri Mushitarou/Sakaguchi Ango (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo/Oguri Mushitarou/Edgar Allan Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo/Edgar Allan Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakajima Atsushi/Tanizaki Junichirou (Bungou Stray Dogs), Izumi Kyouka/Miyazawa Kenji (Bungou Stray Dogs), Fyodor Dostoyevsky/Nikolai Gogol (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Nikolai Gogol (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nikolai Gogol/Sigma (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Fyodor Dostoyevsky (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Sigma (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Ryuunosuke/Tachihara Michizou (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Fyodor Dostoyevsky/Nikolai Gogol (Bungou Stray Dogs), Oda Sakunosuke/Sakaguchi Ango (Bungou Stray Dogs), Jouno Saigiku/Suehiro Tecchou (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Additional Tags: One Shot Collection, One Shot, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/BOjWcdt

[n1kolaiz]

"Man fears death and yet, at the same time, man is drawn to death. Death is endlessly consumed by men in cities and in literature. It is a singular event in one's life that none may reverse. That is what I desire."

Character Analysis: Dazai Osamu

Age: 22 || Ability: No Longer Human

I've done a lot of research concerning Dazai's character because of how complex he'd initially appeared to me. It is still a question as to what his personality type is; some say he's an ENTP while others argue that he's an INTJ, and his enneagram would most likely be 7w8 (The Realist), but that isn't the thing I'm going to focus on.

According to general databases and fan analyses, his temperament is dominantly melancholic. A person's temperament is basically how they react to and live in this world. For those of you not interested in such details, don't worry, I'll get to my point.

The melancholic behaviour is characterised by individualism, self-reliance, and reservation. People of the melancholic temperament are described as having been overcome with sorrow and depressive thoughts, which is beyond the feeling of "just being sad."

Nonetheless, they are generally calm beings, with a tendency to hide how they truly feel by keeping their composure, even in events that demand severe reaction otherwise. Other aspects of melancholic temperaments is that they are absorbed in the cruelty and tragedy of this world, and tend to get lost in their thoughts.

Sound familiar?

Dazai is seen to be as the comic relief of the adaptation, and he'd never fail to bring about a sense of lightheartedness to relieve the serious moments; we all know that for sure. Remember the time both him and Kunikida found Nobuko Sasaki in that godforsaken hospital, and how Kunikida asked him about his opinion on the current state of affairs?

But, despite having developed a calm and serene personality, Dazai's dark side was more apparent during the Dark Era. There was a type of intimidating and arrogant flair evident in his behaviour, or even on his face. It was the type of demeanour that came off cold and terrifying to the rather unlucky people he dealt with. In a moment's notice, they could literally die by his hands. And I believe most of them usually did. It was during this time, he was more brutal and vicious. He lacked remorse. Plus, Dazai's suicidal ideations were more dense during this Era, and his suicidal tendencies did not do anything to alleviate the depth of how dark his character was posed to be.

Side note: Unfortunately, people misunderstand this 'depressed' part of Dazai; they minimise his character so much to the point that people use only a single word to describe him: suicidal. He is, in fact, so much more than that. I'll elaborate more on that in a while.

"Hey, Odasaku, do you know why I joined the Mafia? I joined the Mafia because of an expectation I had. I thought if I was close to death and violence—close to people giving in to their urges and desires, then I would be able to see the inner nature of humankind up close. I thought if I did that… I would be able to find something—a reason to live."

Dazai's approach to life is that of an aimless soul, weary of the world's oppressions and exhausted from the concept of living itself. Nevertheless, what he said above about having an expectation made me realise something: he had a goal, which he wasn't that enthusiastic about achieving—seeking for a reason to carry on with life. So he joined the Mafia.

And there, he met Oda Sakunosuke.

Despite how resilient Dazai carried himself to be (especially during the Dark Era), this specific excerpt stands in direct opposition of how he effortlessly embodied all things daunting:

"With every step I take, I feel as though the earth has opened up into a bottomless pit as I fall endlessly. As Dazai pointed to his forehead and approached the muzzle, the look on his face – like that of a child about to burst into tears – had already been branded upon my eyes."

- quoted by Oda Sakunosuke, excerpt from Dazai Osamu and the Dark Era Light Novel.

When I read this, it sent my mind into a spiral of despair and confusion. It was so vague, yet it made so much sense. Dazai was desperate to escape from this life, but part of him seemed to live in conflict with his desire for death. I won't elaborate more on this, because this specific excerpt has personal meaning to me, as I'd expect it to have for others as well; so I wouldn't want to ruin anyone else's perception on it.

Back to my point: Odasaku was one of the only characters who managed to interpret the complexity of Dazai's mindset and was able to compartmentalise the specific details of his persona that made Dazai the way he was. Oda knew that Dazai wasn't just suicidal.

"For most things in life, it's harder to succeed than fail. Wouldn't you agree? That's why I should attempt suicide rather than commit it! Committing suicide is difficult, but it should be relatively easier to fail at attempting suicide!"

Others boasted about how he was just a suicidal maniac, and that was only because of how good Dazai was at concealing his own feelings whilst flamboyantly priding himself in new, risky techniques, which he sometimes elaborated on. But Oda, on the other hand, saw through his jokes, and empathised with his friend, never wanting to ever barge into his vulnerability without Dazai's permission, but still trying to be there for him.

"Listen. You told me if you put yourself in a world of violence and bloodshed, you might be ale to find a reson to live. You won't find it. You should know that. Whether you're on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity."

Notice how Odasaku recognised Dazai's despair, before Dazai even dared to acknowledge his very own emotions? That was why, at Oda's death, he took the initiative to uncover Dazai's bandaged eye to show him that there was no use in concealing his feelings anymore.

Odasaku's last words to Dazai was to "be on the side that saves people," for he was aware that even though Dazai didn't believe there was a clear distinction between good and evil, he thought that perhaps Dazai would find meaning in his life, even if it was just a little bit of purpose.

In Dead Apple, we briefly relive this moment, but I'll write more on that some other time.

And when Dazai joined the ADA, he loses that dark side to him. No, wait, let me rephrase that: he loses a part of that dark side to him. He eliminated the raw sense of bitterness against the world from his face, and instead, he is seen to be a little more passive, and a little more adaptive. No doubt, he still does explicitly state his desire to die, but his wishes are very specific, if you know what I mean.

And a few years later, his journey with Atsushi began.

Atsushi and Dazai's relationship is just one of a kind. I think it isn't a matter of whether Atsushi needed Dazai, or whether Dazai needed Atsushi. It's the fact that they both needed each other. It's the way they both worked hand in hand, and how they sustained each other in ways they were lacking.

The two were polar opposites, but they had a tender kind of warmth embedded in their protectiveness for each other. Atsushi was just as lost as Dazai, but somehow, they worked together just fine. It was like their duality was meant to be. It was the type of symbiotic relationship, where their care for each other was implied, but very deep.

Does this also sound familiar... perhaps, in relation to Dazai's friendship with Odasaku?

Side note: Oda and Atsushi have the same enneagrams, which is Type 2, 'The Helper.'

There is a sort of balance that is brought about by two opposites. Odasaku taught Dazai many things, and I believe Oda learned a lot about a man's life from the way Dazai lived out his life with the innate desire to die. Atsushi sought for the right to live, while Dazai searched for a reason to live; in addition, Dazai validated Atsushi's feelings, and Atsushi was able to acknowlegde the amount of pain Dazai was going through.

Despite how Dazai's perspectives and beliefs stood in contrast with those of Oda's and Atsushi's, a type of inseparable bond connected the man who no longer felt like he was human, to the people who was the most human.

No Longer Human in the Japanese romaji is 'Ningen Shikkaku.' Ningen means "human," and Shikkaku means "disqualified." The late author, Dazai Osamu, wrote the book No Longer Human. He had gone through the rough throes of trauma and wrote this book as a semi-autobiography, whose plot was centred around a man who faked happiness, for he was tainted by the truth that everyone around him was fake themselves. He turned his life into a joke in order to protect himself from the delusions of this world.

This brings us back to the melancholic temperament, where a person was too deeply immersed in the sad truths of reality and the world itself.

And that's what Dazai's character and ability is based on: being disqualified as a human being, because he wasn't well-versed with what being human was actually like. The fabrications of being human sprung up all around him, but he wasn't willing to be fooled by how ingenuine the world truly was.

“I am convinced that human life is filled with many pure, happy, serene examples of insincerity, truly splendid of their kind—of people deceiving one another without (strangely enough) any wounds being inflicted, of people who seem unaware even that they are deceiving one another.”

- excerpt from Dazai Osamu's No Longer Human.

People who don't feel human emotions or don't react to circumstances the way humans do have a variety of ways of explaining how they feel inhuman. They are highly intelligent, which separates them from the average class of humankind, since they've analysed and untangled the truths of life in order to attain understanding, which they value above all else. But, this understanding of the world and its painful truths results in a deep kind of sorrow, which only a few people can seem to empathise with in order to help them out with that burden.

“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.”

-excerpt from Fyodor Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment.

Don't you think that this deep sorrow that lies in the heart of the intelligent, makes them the most human of all? They're too human, to the point where they don't feel human. Perhaps, it is a type of defence mechanism, where the mind numbs the heart from feeling normal human emotion, because logically breaking down such concepts is easier than feeling them. But it comes at a price. The heart is willing to recklessly comprehend and fathom any sort of emotion, including pain in its true form, but the mind bears more pain in understanding such concepts because it seeks to decipher every single agonising detail of how complex human emotions are. The mind thinks, the heart feels. There is a clear distinguishing factor between the two. Whether feeling hurts more than thinking, or thinking hurts more than feeling, or whether both these processes work hand-in-hand to make up the reality of life itself, is up for an individual to decide.

Only a few people can seem to empathise with intelligent people who are deeply sad at heart, in order to help them out. As for Dazai, it was Atsushi and Oda. They never took away the pain, but they made him grow from it; it worked vice versa, too.

Of course, there are less tedious and more appealing aspects to the concept of Dazai's intelligence. Dazai was seen as a threat to his enemies because of how manipulation and his keen skill of deduction made up how sharp his mind was. Besides, no one could commit '138 murders, 312 cases of extortion, and 625 cases of fraud, along with various and sundry other crimes,' without having a certain level of intelligence, right?

Dazai had the moral alignment of 'chaotic neutral.' He was more focused on using his intellect to achieve the desired end results of a predicament, and he wasn't afraid to use the wrong means. A famous example was when he deflated the airbags of Ango Sakaguchi's car in order to gain the assured protection of Kyouka Izumi.

Justice is a weapon. It can be used to cause harm, but it cannot protect or save others.

Another example was when he blew up Chuuya Nakahara's car.

Just kidding. That was just a simple pastime (；・∀ ・)

His moral alignment points to what Oda said about him: the part where he mentioned that Dazai didn't really see any difference between good and evil. As long as his ends were achieved, especially if it were in the benefit of his fellow colleagues, he wasn't afraid to exploit, threaten, or endanger others' wellbeing. Because, at the end of the day, the end result triumphed the morally bad methods utilised to achieve it, correct? He always had a reason for his motives and actions, even if those actions were evil and inexcusable.

(eg. action: the psychological abuse he bestowed upon Akutagawa Ryunosuke.

motive: to enable him to hone his own ability favourably and to curb his arrogance)

But the consequences of one's actions will always catch up with a person, no matter what heights they've achieved.

Okay, we're reaching the end of my rambling very soon, I promise.

“If I had to go, I’d like to go out just as beautifully.”

“I’d prefer you don’t go.”

This part of the post is highly inspired by iwachuwu!!

An important factor of Dazai's development is highlighted BSD Wan's episode 10:

I'd like to appreciate that this scene focuses on how much Dazai actually means to Atsushi. When Atsushi responds with "I'd prefer you don't go," he said it lightheartedly for he thought Dazai was joking. But he wasn't. And once Atsushi absorbed the fact that Dazai meant what he said, he was overwhelmed with anguish at the thought of ever losing Dazai. Dazai, on the other hand, had a sense of longing on his expression. There was that look of pure desperation on his face. He was so desperate, yet he knew he couldn't act on his desperation due to a promise he'd made to someone dear to him. But keep in mind, Dazai is unpredictable, so we can never be sure of what's going on in that headspace of his.

Nevertheless, this time, Atsushi recognised Dazai's suffering, as no one usually cared to do, and Dazai didn't put in any effort to hide how he truly felt, as he habitually did. And this mutual emotional connection happened countless times during all the times Oda spent with Dazai as well.

To summarise,

Dazai's character had been carefully wired and patterned out in a way only a few would put in the effort to understand. Dazai was more than just suicidal; he was a being wandering from place to place with no specific aim. He was too smart for his own good. Dazai understood too well of how the world worked and deemed it void of any sort of hope.

Side note: Yes, the truth does come at a price, but it all comes down to how a person understands the truth. As for Dazai (both character and the author he was based off upon), well, it was quite tragic. But that's the way it is for some people, I suppose. But everyone has a different path to travel on, remember that.

His transition from working with the Port Mafia to the Armed Detective Agency was proof of how well-executed his character development was. It was two different personas morphed into what he is today: a womaniser with questionable morals a person who is still standing even after the rough refining process endowed upon him by the realities of this life.

However, he had people along the way come and teach him a thing or two, which perhaps made his life a little more interesting. Perhaps these people were passing clouds that hid the void out of sight for just a moment, and Dazai was always seen to be grasping on to these moments, and letting them go whenever it was time to let go.

His outlook on life makes his intellect look all the more intriguing. It shows that not only does his intelligence contribute to his own wit and shrewdness, but also the practical sense of realism that explains how tired he is of the concept of living because of the truths there are to bear.

However he's enduring the pain right now is by far the most bravest thing a person could commit themselves to doing. It takes courage, and it takes strength, but only a few would ever take the time to recognise such efforts.

Dazai has one of the most beautiful character developments, but I do hope that the development doesn't reach its end anytime soon.

fanart credits: @S7dOZPN3jWBB6cW on twitter

“Now I have neither happiness nor unhappiness.

Everything passes.

That is the one and only thing that I have thought resembled a truth in the society of human beings where I have dwelled up to now as in a burning hell.

Everything passes.”

excerpt from Dazai Osamu's No Longer Human.

[anythingforakutagawa]

Hollow words (Dazai x reader ⛈Angst⛈)

Dazai x reader ⛈angst⛈ 🚨spoilers for season 2 "Dark Era"🚨 ⚠mention of violence⚠

Life at the Port Mafia wasn't easy. In fact it was hell constant death, suffering, becoming everything you sworn you'd never be. Watching people lose them self and give in into the darkness.

All this at the mere age of 18. You've seen and caused countless, and pointless bloodshed. Taken with out reasoning innocent life's. And each day it was as if you where falling deeper and deeper into this life. An endless cycle of greed and power overrun with violence. You didn't defy the port mafia orders, because at this point you've grown custom to this thing you called life but, it did make you feel this almost unbearable feeling of cold you couldn't shake off. You didn't exactly desire death, but you also didn't see any value in living a life the way you do.

That was until you met him. A boy with the same pains as you. You could tell instantly through his bright yet lifeless brown eyes. But he radiated that warmth you have been seeking for as long as can remember. He shined a bright light over what your thought was never ending darkness with his cheerful and carefree nature.

You once heard one of your superiors say "When the lights too bright, you'll get burned."

But you knew it was all an act, you knew all too well all the bright smiles, carless touches, and words were an act to cover the monster waiting to break free at any given moment. Everyone in the Port Mafia was the same.

No matter what

.

.

.

Soft smile creped on your face when you enter Bar Lupins. You took your usual seat, right next to Dazai.

"Hey there Y/n!" Dazai said with his usual go happy tone while playing with the sphere shaped ice floating about his drink.

"Hey Dazai" you replied softly in-between ordering your usual drink you grown accustom from coming to the bar on regular bases to hang out with Oda, Ango, and Dazai.

Dazai whined while wrapping his arms around you, the warmth and affection you longed for but wasn't genuine, after all Dazai's blood was Port Mafia black, he wasn't a executive at the age of 18 for no reason.

You knew this.

You've seen it with your own eyes.

His heart can't feel love or produce it. At least that's what you believed, you even applied it to yourself. You and Dazai were just attempting to fill the emptiness you felt. Nothing else.

But you couldn't tear your self away from his embrace, it's was like a drug that couldn't temporary ease all the

So soft, so warm

"Awee, Bella donna. Dazai? What happen to Osamu?" Your ran your finger's delicately through his brown locks.

"Ah, sorry Osamu. Where are Ango and Oda today anyway?"

You corrected yourself before taking a small sip of your drink and settling it down where it once was. Dazai propped his elbow on the table and rested his cheek on the palm of his hand while giving you that signature shut eyes smiled.

"There not gonna come, I wanted time to myself with my lady love. You know tomorrow isn't guaranteed for us. so I want to makes the most of every chance I can get my hands on"

He was right, you were aware of either can die or get killed at any time. You just didn't like taking noticing because it felt so much better to cover up and ignore what you didn't like.

"Hey, Osamu, can you promise me something?"

He can hear the hint of uneasiness in your voice. He knew better to point it out and make a deal out of it.

"Of course! What ever it is i swear with on my life to keep that promise."

"Do you promise to never leave? You'll stay right?"

He laughs to hid any trace of pain in his voice "You know I can't do that, after all death is what I desire most in this world! How about, instead we compromise. As long as I'm alive, I'll stay"

You stood up and walked towards the door. He knew his words hurt, but he couldn't bring himself to give you false hope. Right before you reached the door knob you turn around and smiled at him , a soft, grateful, yet sad smile

"That's good enough for me. Good night Osamu"

.

.

.

.

You knew a person was truly honest with themselves when panic was brought among them. Of course you knew this based of other experiences, never yourself.

Until now.

You felt your stomach drop when you heard the news.

Sakunosuke Oda was dead.

Killed by Gide leader of the Mimic. The current case Oda and Dazai where on. You didn't know much but you knew where it all took down.

A million thoughts run through your head while getting to the Mimic head quarters.

Where was he now? Is he okay? Was he with Oda? Where is Oda now? Where they even still there?

You stopped your tracks when you saw the familiar figure walking in the rain you didn't notice until now.

"Osamu!" You called out while starting to run towards him as he turned around.

His bandages where gone. Both eyes uncovered. The sight was so, usual it caused you to stop all movement.

"Osamu?"

You managed above a whisper, he turned around and kept walking away. Then it hit you,

he was leaving

That's when you felt it.

That over whelming panic you seen so often that made you realizes

you loved him.

Your whole body began to shake uncontrollably, the only impulse you had was to chase after him. Your breath began to hitch, your legs didn't work like before, the rain caused you to trip countless times until you finally reached him. and threw your self at his presoaked shirt and gripping on to it with all the might you had left.

"Please, dont go, stay..."

"..."

"You promised Osamu! You said you'd stay as long as you were alive, remember?" You choked out through the sobs, in hopes, just maybe, he'll stay with you, even if its just a little longer.

Your heart beat increased when you felt familiar hands come in contact with yours.

To pull yours away.

"Sorry that all I gave you was false hope, hallow words, and leaving more empty than before. Good bye Y/n."

"W-why? Where are you going?" You tried to keep yourself composed but it was impossible, it was all too much.

"To the good side." he said with the gentlest voice he could manage. He once again started walking away from you. Dammit you should just stop, but

You took hold of his wrist and pled one last time

"Wait, you don't have to stay, I can go, I'll go with you to the good side. I, I, love you Osamu"

He harshly pulled away his wrist away and glared at you, a glare you never seen direct towards any one but people he repent.

"Can't you see? I could always tell what you thought. You never beloved that I actually loved you. You don't think am capable of loving. We just tried to fill that emptiness we both felt. And you were right."

Lies

He was lying. He loved you, more than anything. This is why he's doing this. You were the one good thing he had. You gave him a reason to live. No matter how dark and lost he was you always were the light that guide him. You filled that empty feeling that would always follow him since you first met.

It wont take long for the Mafia to find out about his betrayal. They'll surely come after his head soon after. If you came along, the same fate would await for you. It hurts, it hurts so bad to leave you. But he loved you too risk you in any way. This is something he had to do. There was no way around.

There was so much he yet wanted to say to you. He wanted to thank you, for everything. For loving him, for caring about him, for easing all the pain he held on to for so long. For being so kind to him. But now it was time to go. He won't hurt you anymore, isn't would be fair to hurt you more, after you were so good to him.

Your body finally give in, you fell on your knees. You wouldn't of thought after all your time in the Mafia, you consider a heart break the most painful thing that's happen to you. Such an agonizing feeling it made you body tremble, cold sweat run down your face along with an endless flow of tears from your eyes brimmed bright red. You felt your throat closing until it was from the hoarse yells you let out. This feeling of heartbreak was agonizing to the point you'd wish you could end it along with yourself. You didn't think think you'll ever be okay after this, you felt so shattered, beyond any repair

Maybe, if you hadn't realize too late, things could of been different, just maybe.

.

.

.

.

"The light was to bright wasn't it?"

You stared at Kouyou, your superior

"So bright, it burned till nothing was left. But then it went out just like everything it burned, reduced to nothing."

"You heard Kyouka, if you seek the light, you'll end up like her"

You stared at Kyouka, the same eyes as you, Osamu, and same as his subordinate, Akutagawa. All you could hope is they're never shown the light or filled with hope by empty promises and hollow words.

[sangonomiyashrine]

yoyo could i get a matchup for BSD, MHA, and HAIKYUU?

gender preference : male

i’m an intp 4w3 and my zodiac sign is scorpio.

how i view myself : relaxed, easy to get along with, considerate, understanding, stubborn

bad traits : i hold grudges, i still live in the past, it’s hard for me to move on, joking is my coping mechanism, i lie to avoid conflicts, i still bite my nails, i can be selfish and fully aware of decisions i make that ik will hurt others

likes : cold drinks, cold tea. sleeping in, oversleeping, places where i can be alone, cats

hobbies : reading, arts, collecting stuff like playing cards and stickers, and dancing - very awfully

dislikes : sweets, overly sweet stuff, bugs, children, foods that leave bad aftertaste, dogs barking

favorite artists : cigs after s3x, mitski, ruelle

kins : machi from fruba, maka albarn from soul eater

you remind me of..

I also thought of Asahi Azumane.

Sakunosuke Oda - he's generally very relaxed and easy to get along with, and can even be rather considerate. he can also be selfish at times though and usually puts his own desires before other's. he's somewhat stuck in the past and can be rather stubborn when it comes to his long held wishes.

Neito Monoma - he holds a grudge against class 1A and jokes around to cope with it often. he is also rather selfish and hurtful when it comes to them though. he actually seems more relaxed and agreeable around his own class though.

Tooru Oikawa - he initially comes off as very relaxed and easy to get along with, but when he is after something he can develop a much different personality. he's very stubborn and has a hard time moving on from the past, holding grudges for years. he can also be selfish and self focused at times.

[our-wargame]

Two times Sakunosuke understood Dazai, and one time it was goddamn impossible [PT. 1/3]

Rating: T

Pairing: Oda Sakunosuke / Dazai Osamu Tags: Dark Era, fluff, the good stuff i promise  Alt. Summary: Three times he’s wrong on all counts- Dazai can only accept so much obliviousness. Sakunosuke thinks he deserves a little more credit. AO3 Link:

“Hey, pretty face. Come here often?”

This, Sakunosuke ignores. They both have lots of work tonight and they both actually need to get it done. Hell, the only reason he’s even here is routine. It’s almost tradition to get whisky in his veins before chasing it with adrenaline.

In another world though, Dazai would make a good drinking buddy. Maybe he’d insist you get shitfaced together and you’d think he was a lightweight from the look in his eye after the second, third beer. Maybe you’d even be stupid enough to think Dazai was finally off guard. Maybe he’d pretend he was, because he wanted to be.

“Can I buy you a drink, sweetheart?”

“You can’t tell but I’m terrified right now.” Sakunosuke says, finally giving in. The bartender has his back turned, leaning over preparations, probably suppressing laughter. Traitor. “Are you aware your brain-to-mouth filter isn’t working?”

That world would be nice. In this world, they’re just two bad men hurtling towards self-destruction.

“Ah, the things the devil’s work does to you,” Dazai hums, hopping back onto his own seat. “Still. Don’t take too many to admit who’s got a nice ass-”

Whiskey’s supposed to burn your throat, isn’t it? Turns out it burns your nostrils as well, when your friend tries casual homicide. “Dazai. Can you identify all of the problems in this situation?” He says, eyes streaming. “I’ll start us off. The brat in this room is-”

“18, 21, same thing really. And I don’t think the jury plans on focusing on that charge.” He grins, and it’s not his i’ll carve your heart out and give it to you grin, it’s the charming little thing he has in his back pocket, bringing it out for special occasions...special peop-

He closes his eyes as the headache closes in on him. “How many beers have you had.” He’s going to feel oddly guilty if Dazai’s had too much but he’s also certain he hasn’t. He’s been busy with his case, but he’d have noticed this at least.

Dazai smiles, sweet, saccharine. It’s been ages since Dazai’s been able to get a rise out of him but he’d forgotten what exactly that’d looked like.

“Dazai.”

“Odasaku~ you’re overreacting a little, aren’t you?” Dazai says, eyes wide, mock-shocked. Like he isn’t the one making a fool out of Sakunosuke.

And. He is, he realizes. He realizes something else as well. “Yeah.” He says aloud. A small sigh escapes him. “Sorry. Nijimura sent me a rocky case. Was thinking about it, forgot who I was dealing with.” The thing is, they both have work to do, but whereas he prefers to contemplate his in bits, Dazai likes to tackle his problems after he’s had something to put him in a good mood. Usually, that means anything between telling Sakunosuke his latest revelation on living or asking Sakunosuke what cheeses he thinks are tasty and not smelly. This is probably a new thing he’s decided to try.

“Oh?” Dazai says.

“Yeah.” He throws back the last of his drink, thinks for a second, and then leaves his stool, leaning towards Dazai and his.

Dazai’s eyes flick towards him. Dazai’s fingers twitch giving away a spurt of anticipation, excitement.

Sakunosuke doesn’t contemplate that any further, too busy swiping Dazai’s glass. The low counter digs into the base of his spine when he leans into it.

“Hey-”

He tips the contents into his mouth. It a standard drink but he thinks it’s been watered out. He makes a note to tip the bartender extra when he picks up his tab.

“That was mine. Asshole.” Dazai huffs.

”My mistake. I’ll but you another.” He rumbles. “When you turn twenty-one.”

“Odasaku, you’re not funny!”

He raises his hand in a little lazy wave that doesn’t need him to look back. The night’s cold outside the bar so he buttons up. He’s got dirty work ahead of him and his targets don’t need to know what his smile looks like.

NOTES: if you reblog it i will die for you dude. thank you!

[yokelish]

Pall.

Sure, @sweet-cynical-writer​ I accepted the gauntlet. You ask who got the character better? Neither. And just because you call me Odasaku doesn’t mean i can write him nor do I think my style of writing suits his character. Nonetheless. Since there were no rules, you get this sort of response. 

✏ Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs ✏ Characters: Dazai Osamu, Oda Sakunosuke ✏ Word count: 1,317 ✏ Warnings: Self-Harm, Light Gore, Heavily mentions Suicide, Depression triggers, Dead body mentioned.   ✏ Zai.

Pall.

Oda Sakunosuke, the lowest ranking member of Port Mafia, was not having the best of days. Neither was it the worst. Of all the possibilities, it was just a long day without anything good happening. The job was easy and dirty in the best sense of the word. Perhaps he had to wonder around the landfill for a time, however, there was no timer to hurry him. In the end, he found what had to be found. A dead body. The sight was…exhausting. Nothing gruesome, nothing even as violent as Port Mafia. However, the constant reminder that he was, in fact, looking for a dead body was weighting on his mind. Nothing that could be done. There’s no dichotomy to death. And now he also couldn’t tell if the smell was weaved into his clothes. Not extremely repulsive, but he couldn’t tell if it was truly there or merely etched into his perception. Like a nagging memory. Like an exhausting yet persistent thought. Today would end eventually, and the reminders of today’s tasks would cease bothering him. The sky would remain high and blue, unbothered by sorrow or guilt or care, perfectly unreachable and indifferent. The smell would leave his senses, too.

Oda bowed to the man in mute respect. The report he had given about the job done would now climb the ladder — up and up it goes — till it reached the Boss. Nothing he could do there but leave. And perhaps have some curry on the way home. Port Mafia’s quarters was a place of little interest and even less of anything good. And Oda felt the need for something insignificant but good before the day was over. Have some curry, check on the kids, head home. Simple. That was the plan quickly constructed in his head. An acceptable and familiar way to end a day in a life.

Until he saw a boy sneak around in the shadows, past everyone, trying to hide. No, the kid was hidden already. Children in Port Mafia usually were born into this life or orphaned into the life of darkness and corruption. Either way, they were robbed of choice. But if a child was sneaking around headquarters, they must have been gifted and terribly so. He went after the child before a thought formed in his head to justify such actions. Adults hide from others for different reasons and not without malice. Children hide from adults for reasons often more distressing than that. That must have been it. That was how he explained it to no one but himself. Oda Sakunosuke maybe have been the lowest rank in the Mafia, but this was between a child and an adult.

It wasn’t hard, truthfully, too easy even. To follow the boy no one else took interest in. The small dark figure passed by ignored and unbothered. Perhaps it was overconfidence children often possessed regarding their ability to be unnoticeable, or belief that the following party would lose interest very soon. Perhaps this one didn’t care about being followed. But Oda continued to follow. Outside, past the guards, in the shadows or the dying light, all the way to the dumpster the boy settled beside.

It was just a kid sitting on a cold and mucky concrete beside a dumpster. Even from a distance Oda believed to be able to smell it. The thoughts of today’s job was following just as persistently as he was following the kid.

Something glistened in the dying light. An assassin would recognize a bright and steely gleam of a blade. And judging by the height, a child with a blade in his hand couldn’t be older than fifteen. Oda flinched. Hesitation stalled him from acting immediately. It wasn’t a question of stopping the boy or not, but a question of how to do it. The blade-wielding hand stalled for a moment as if the boy, too, was infected by a similar doubt. But it only lasted a moment. Oda stalked towards the child’s figure.

The blade was stained in blood. And ex-assassin shuddered watching the child draw blood, having to fight off the shudder running through his body. The blood wasn’t his, the blade wasn’t aimed at him. And yet, the sight was more gruesome than today’s dead body.

One of the rare instances Oda could thank his background for being able to catch the blade going down to cut the skin. It was a flawless act done in flash. Before a struggle could arise and without any surprising noises. Their eyes met for a moment. The boy’s were wide in surprise but quickly filling with irritation.

A reflex perfected with years kicked in first. Any assassin living this long could smell a knife fight just by the way a man holds one. Oda grabbed the blade knowing that could be used against him in more than just one way. “Shi—” Sakunosuke caught himself being just as startled as the kid as the warm blood touched his fingers. He saw it, he was aware, but the feel of it was staggering. He couldn’t even smell the blood. The bleeding had to be stopped. Seeking an option lasted only a moment as he decided on what could be used to stop the blood from staining the concrete further. The hand he was grabbing was covered in white bandages. There was white cotton on the kid’s head too. Unwrapping them was just a matter of physically overpowering a teen. But the child’s resistance was shallow as if stupefied. It probably was.

“Why are you doing this?” the boy asked. With surprising patience and acceptance, he endured when Oda pulled the white cloth off his head. There was no anger or shock behind the question either, posed with careful and controlled curiosity.

“Because,” the man replied through clenched teeth. He didn’t notice how anger crept all over him. The disregard for human life — one’s own life — was aggravating him. To add to that frustration, he wasn’t very expert in bandaging; it wasn’t often he got injured so seriously. With awkwardness and clumsiness untrained hands could offer, a tight knot was done to keep the bandages in place. Then, Oda properly met the gaze that was watching him all this time. It wasn’t a glace that lasted a second, but a sustained eye-contact. That was why it continued to frustrate him. When the strange fascination vanished from those dark eyes, there was nothing. The absence of remorse or regret. Even pain seemed to be unfelt or ignored. Dark eyes unbothered by regret or care or penitence, absolutely indifferent. The smell of the dumpster was getting worse, it seemed.

The boy tilted his head, boldly meeting the unspoken accusations. “I can do the same tomorrow.”

The man placed his hands on the child’s shoulders to give the young one a good shaking. As if the act itself could steer up some emotions. Unreachable yet that was what Sakunosuke wanted to get out of this lost young man. What childish talk. And this was, after all, just a boy abandoned in the darkness. Unclouded dark eyes were perceiving a world much emptier than the one Oda was seeing. He was given something not many are ever lucky enough to encounter in this corrupt world.

“Tomorrow you can do whatever you want,” Sakunosuke sighed, releasing the kid. When it came to further words, however, Oda himself was lost. Question were useless and meaningless, alienating and repulsive, unkind and even hostile. The words he could have said rang empty and hollow in his head. They would only be more laughable spoken out loud. He wiped the blood off his fingers on his trousers. Raising his head to the darkening sky up above, unreachable and with no cloud in sight.

“Let’s get something to eat,” Oda said. There was no accepting a refusal. “Something sweet, I think. Like ice-cream?”

[chazukekani]

Pash! December 2018 - The entrusted belief of Atsushi and Dazai

Translation

——Nakajima Atsushi - the one who lives without recognising the meaning of life; and Dazai - the one who wishes death without perceiving the reason of living, have both encountered and evolved. Their future is here to be unfolded!

Character Introduction

Nakajima Atsushi

- After being kicked out from the orphanage, Atsushi receives the aid from Dazai. Atsushi has no idea that he could transform into a tiger before he meets Dazai.

Dazai Osamu

- Former executive in the Port Mafia. He is introduces Atsushi, who obstructed Dazai’s suicide, to join the Armed Detective Agency. Dazai’s late pal - Oda Sakunosuke - encouraged Dazai to save people before his own death.

Life changed because of chazuke!

Atsushi plans on attacking others despite he was starving after being expelled from the orphanage. Yet, a man who is floating on the river catches Atsushi’s attention…  After a big feast of chazuke, Atsushi’s life is turned upside down.

The fear of tiger, and the huddled Atsushi

Whilst being horrified because of the tiger, Atsushi confesses his thoughts with regards to his past experience in the orphanage. Meanwhile Dazai has already acknowledged that Atsushi himself is exactly the real form of the tiger. He then gives Atsushi, whom without a home, an invitation to join the Armed Detective Agency.

The gap between expectation and reality

Atsushi once imagines the Agency as tough, brave, and the organisation which handles strenuous missions. However, in contrast, the Agency is full of funny and humorous companions.

A place where Dazai is by your side

The agency is the first one who gives ‘a home’ to Atsushi. Yet he thinks himself has dragged others into danger due to his own fault, so he made up his mind to leave. Nonetheless, his colleagues are too capable that should not be bother to worry. After that, Atsushi is filled with the tears of relief.

Who is Dazai-san?

The one who let the female victim to stay in his apartment, commit suicide by eating poisoning mushrooms, enrages Kunikida, and trolling with a glasses, is Dazai-san. Yet, even though you do not aware his true motivation behind from his eye, he sees through everything. Regardless of how others perceive Dazai as a trouble maker, Atsushi is still deeply convinced that Dazai is trying his best to save people.

The reason why Dazai acknowledges the radiance of Atsushi

Without forgetting being saved by Dazai, Atsushi is determined to save Kyouka and Lucy, whom both have a similar destiny as he does, and bring them under the light. Despite of injuries, Atsushi still fights courageously with hope. Such determination and bravery impress and inspire Dazai. Such attitude is definitely essential for battles in the future.

Never give up on you

Although Atsushi hopes to get recognition from his companions, he falls into a trap and accidentally attacks them. Atsushi thus feels incredibly guilty and regretful. However, thanks to the rare reliable words from Dazai, Atsushi is managed to cheer up. It is unusual for Dazai to deliver heartful wordings to others, and thus indicates that Atsushi holds a special meaning to him.

The huge gamble that Dazai sets up for Atsushi

In order to investigate the mysterious suicide events in Yokohama, Dazai teams up with Shibusawa and Fyodor. Yet deep in Dazai’s heart, he hopes Atsushi will be able to triumph against Shibusawa, and to acknowledge his own past in the orphanage. It is such a huge gamble plotted while Dazai is not by Atsushi’s side. Nevertheless, Atsushi eventually manages to meet his expectations.

The head may err, but never the blood

Being abused in the orphanage with comments such as ‘people who is not able to save others has no right to live’ and ‘being alive is your sin’, Atsushi is raised and grown with self-denial. Yet, there is particularly one man who grants Atsushi the reason of living - Dazai Osamu, and of course, fellow companions in the Agency. With acknowledging his own contribution to the world, Atsushi has done his best with his ability in order to protect everyone he loves. This determinedness has influenced Dazai - who once killed but now who saves - and enlightens his heart.

However, the Dragon Head Conflict which happened six years ago, altogether with the falling of Moby Dick, made Yokohama flared with flames of war. In addition, the man who looks for ‘The Book’ - Fyodor - has arrived Yokohama; and worse, Atsushi serves as the guide to get The Book. With all these incidents happening, how will Atsushi and Dazai overcome these challenges? It is a lot more to see how the story goes in the future.

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Pls don't ignore if you don want to do it, please just dm me that you don't want to or I will assume you didn't see it and wait forever. I have a very specific request. How would bsd cast react to guiding light not being able to do a lot of things due to medical problems? I have a port wine stain on my left leg, it covers the whole thing, and it swells A LOT. Like, it is always swollen but sometimes it gets worse. I can't jump or run or even climb well because of it, making gym class hard and stuff like that. How would they react to it? On top of that, I think it'd be funny if the guiding light was short af, like shorter than CHUUYA. Teen reader if possible, gender neutral or male please. Byeeeee.

I hope, you enjoy it ☺️

Teen! Short! Male! Reader with medical problems

Self-Aware! Platonic! BSD Characters x Male! Teen! Reader

Slight Self-Aware! Platonic! Chuuya Nakahara x Male! Teen!Reader

Slight Self-Aware! Platonic! Oda Sakunosuke x Make! Teen! Reader

Warning: OOC. English is my second language

_________

🐾 BSD Cast have a feeling, that you have some health problems. They heard, how, sometimes, you rant to "them" about having problems during gym classes, or hissed under your breath, because "it hurts again". So, they prepared in advance. Yosano, Doc and Mori were searching web , trying to get all possible information about any possible way of treatment. They weren't sure, what exactly they need to do to help you, so, they try to prepare for anything.

🐾 When Kirako "woke up" from her stasis, she shed the light in your condition. So, they start to look in about your medical problem specifically. Yosano, Doc and Mori will keep all information in mind, to help you ease the pain. Or, if there is a way, to heal you.

🐾 When they got into the real world, BSD Cast won't immediately attack you with questions about your health. They will wait, until you feel comfortable sharing this information with them.

🐾 But, from the first day, they will try to make you happy.

_____________

School was over, and you were on your way home. Today was one of "this days", and your leg was sore. So, you tried to move carefully. Unfortunately, today all cars in the household were occupied, and Albatross was still in a process of getting license, that would allow him to drive teens on his motorbike. So, you will have to go home by feet. You called home beforehand and explained to BSD Cast, that you might be a little bit late for lunch.

You walked 1/4 of the road to your home, when you saw Chuuya and Oda walking towards you.

"[Y/N], hello. How is my little brother doing?" if Chuuya's grin is implying something, it would be the fact, that Chuuya liked, that you were smaller, than him, and he can tease you in a friendly way. You rolled your eyes.

"I am fine. And what you two are doing here?"

Chuuya point at your backpack.

"We decided to meet you and go home together. Now..." without further words, Chuuya put his hand towards you, waiting. You took off your backpack and give to him. Immediately, Oda offered his elbow for you to hold on.

"And, remember, just ask, and we will slow down." Oda ruffled your hair.

You three went home, talking about your day and what you want to do today and these weekends.

___________

🐾 Yosano, Doc and Mori will be ready to help you at any moment of the day. Will offer to ease your pain (medical herbs, special massage, etc.)

🐾 If there is a treatment for your problem, Fitzgerald will offer to pay for it. The cost doesn't matter, he will pay for anything.

🐾 For the most part, their relationship with you won't be too affected by your medical problems. BSD Cast will still treat you as their son/nephew/little brother/older brother/grandson. They will spend time with you (watching movies, reading books, playing video games, doing hobbies, etc.)

🐾 They want to make you happy. And will do everything, to achieve that.

[joeys-piano]

This wip intro is a response to a very sweet anon who wanted to know more about the fantasy fic that I’ve been working on for the past week. It’s hard to believe that on Monday, I only had a vague idea of my Kitsune & Seer concept/AU. And now on Saturday, I’ve compiled a huge word document of worldbuilding and character development. Thank you, to anon and to everyone who had expressed interest in this idea. Your enthusiasm is like a hug after a very long, exhausting day.

Title → Catching Fire & Chasing Smoke Rating → Mature Genre → Dark Fantasy, Folklore, Adventure Content Warnings → Adult Themes & Suggestive Undertones, Implied/Explicit Descriptions of Violence, Dubious Morality & Ethics

Chapter One → When Darkness Falls ETA → Late August, 2019

Year → 1287 (mid-Kamakura period)

    → Context: The story is set a few years after the second invasion-attempt by the Mongols where a heavenly, divine wind (a typhoon) wiped out the foreign fleet and protected the island nation. In the aftermath of the Mongol war, there was a significant drain on the Japanese economy and new taxes were levied on the people in preparation for future defensive measures. Political and economic instability and distrust in the Kamakura bakufu (military government) were soon apparent if the increase of roving bandits and rōnin were not enough. This time period could best be described as an internal, warring period as eventual civil wars ravaged the lands to restore imperial authority. For the sake of this story, I’m mostly focusing on the internal conflicts between politics and the economy for simplicity.

General Idea → The story of Catching Fire & Chasing Smoke revolves around a kitsune and seer, who’ve been driven out and viewed as outcasts to others of their own kind. The spiritual and literal journey that these two characters embark on illustrates the alchemy of truths and lies, of sorrows and regrets, of life and purpose, and of searching for a land overflowing in laughter and alcohol. Ultimately, this is a journey of finding a place where they could truly belong and of finding peace and acceptance for who they are. In the midst of their travels, they encounter a striking array of both humans and youkai who’ve found the answers to these difficulties for themselves.

Catching Fire & Chasing Smoke is written in an episodic-format, where every chapter is its own short story and follows the slice-of-life approach of the kitsune and seer along on their journey. While the chapters can be read as standalones, they are connected via overarching themes, progressions, and threaded storylines.

Characters

Oda Sakunosuke | Seer (Capnomancy) When the gods of the land asked him of what he desired most in this world, Oda responded with the mere breath of his voice. If he were his previous-self, he’d desire the power to destroy all of those who’d harm the people he cared for. However, the decision wouldn’t reflect the changed man he had become. Because of the children he was caring for, Oda was able to keep his hands clean for as long as he did. To dirty them, once more, would only insult the memory and of how much the children meant to him. As an alternative, Oda asked the gods of the land to grant him one simple request: the ability to protect people from the dangers they had yet to know.

Dazai Osamu | Four-Tail Kitsune Legend has it that tragedy follows the heels of a four-tail kitsune and that the youkai is forever on the move unless it wants the tragedy that’s following it to come true. By the same thread, superstition has dictated that four bears the misfortune of death. Woven across the tales passed by man, if a kitsune were to cease in its roaming and beckon tragedy to unravel across the land, what would follow would be all the deaths of those that the youkai had held dear. Fortunately or unfortunately, some kitsune have held doubt as the heart of all philosophy and that there was no such thing as an absolute truth. The matters of virtue or saving people from an inevitable demise were as foreign as trading bandages for wings. Death was merely an extension of a part of everyday life. Without an imminent threat of its arrival, how could one capture the full significance of what it meant to be alive? Such a threat would be a glorious thing, Dazai was sure, and he’d want nothing more than the leisure and euphoria of his own demise if he could.

Ace | Exorcist Just as words are poison when poured into another’s ears, close proximity with Ace has led to the deaths of those who’ve been esteemed so dearly. He is a man of indulgences and desires, content to trade his soul an hour before the Devil knows it has lost it. But if he’s to renounce himself as a monster to this world, Ace makes it certain that no one ignores the one growing inside of them. For in each and every individual, there lies the truth that one is simultaneously a human, yet a monster. None can be exempt from either.

Karma | An Apprentice yet Servant Of all the things he had learned during his time in Ace’s household, whether it was specifically from the man or not, the questions that couldn’t be answered were what taught him the most. Rather ideal for his position, Karma could pick apart a situation until he found what he had been looking for. Without a trial, it was nothing more than giving him a fact to memorize. But give him a question with hardly an answer to, and that was how Karma found his footing amongst those in the household. The harder the question, the harder the hunt for what he needed to find. The harder the hunt, the more he realized that the simple truths of this world were nothing more but just lies.

Nakahara Chuuya | Vessel for Arahabaki Having bounded his existence and his soul to Arahabaki, Chuuya straddles the line between man and kami. Referring to him as a demigod would seem appropriate, but the man held no pleasure in being called that. Simply, if he were to describe himself, Chuuya would say that he’s a humble messenger to those that ask of his assistance.

Ozaki Kouyou | Courtesan (Oiran, ranked: tayū) Kouyou is a woman of dignity and grace, of poise and of nobility, of benevolence and ferocity, and as cruel as she is kind. Kouyou did not ascend to where she is with a soft heart. No, her heart is that of ivy and stone. However, if one were to ask what her greatest strength was, Kouyou would respond that her greatest strength originated from love. And if one were to ask her of what her greatest downfall would be, Kouyou would respond that her greatest downfall would be because of that love. Neither a stranger to care or violence, she’s aware of what she brings to the table and doesn’t mind if she’s to dine, alone.

Izumi Kyouka | Lady in Waiting Like phantom threads, woven through the kimono that she often wears, there were a set of truths that Kyouka kept near. She kept them near for they were one of the very things that could ground her to this earth. But if she were to be honest, Kyouka did so to understand the truest nature of what she didn’t know. For, by her own words: ‘Fear is what we create on our own, and it’s the fruit of all of our inhibitions. My imagination dictates the size of my fear, so I’ve chosen to not be afraid anymore. The only thing I’m worried about is what remains hidden in the dark after all the lights have turned on.’

Sakaguchi Ango | Wandering Priest Words from the mouth were such peculiar things. At times, they were destined to die upon another’s ears. Yet, at different times, these words would find their way into another’s heart and survive. For the past two since, since he abandoned his former-life, a single piece of advice had never perished within Ango’s heart: ‘One’s past doesn’t necessarily dictate or define who someone is for the rest of their life. How they move forward after realizing what they’ve done is significant and shouldn’t be ignored.’ If one were to ask who he had heard this from, how many would scoff that such words had come from a youkai?

[ao3feed-fyozai]

A falling façade.

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/EHhDRPl

by saavni

Osamu Dazai was a façade. An appearance that he never abandoned in public. Since childhood, great despair had overtaken the boy. Throughout the years of anguish, Dazai has attempted suicide on numerous occasions. All to no avail. In the end, he has forever remained in this hell. But now more than ever, his mask is cracking, falling. Humour can't overcome his depression any longer. Worse, his colleagues are noticing, and the news is spreading. Some of his co-workers are trying to assist. Unfortunately, even his enemies are made aware of this. Dazai is in danger, yet he remains oblivious.

Words: 2899, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Categories: M/M

Characters: Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Kunikida Doppo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Oda Sakunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Fyodor Dostoyevsky (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Sigma (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edgar Allan Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs), Mori Ougai (Bungou Stray Dogs), Tayama Katai (Bungou Stray Dogs), Miyazawa Kenji (Bungou Stray Dogs), Tachihara Michizou (Bungou Stray Dogs), Tanizaki Junichirou (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Relationships: Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Kunikida Doppo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Edogawa Ranpo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu & Oda Sakunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Fyodor Dostoyevsky (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo/Edgar Allan Poe (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Sigma (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu & Mori Ougai (Bungou Stray Dogs), Edogawa Ranpo & Yosano Akiko (Bungou Stray Dogs), Jouno Saigiku/Tachihara Michizou (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu/Nikolai Gogol (Bungou Stray Dogs)

Additional Tags: Dazai-Typical Suicide Mentions (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu is a Mess (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu Needs a Hug (Bungou Stray Dogs), Depressed Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Bottom Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Top Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Top Kunikida Doppo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Top Fyodor Dostoyevsky (Bungou Stray Dogs), Top Jouno Saigiku (Bungou Stray Dogs), Top Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu Not Being an Asshole (Bungou Stray Dogs), Oblivious Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Self-Harm, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicide Attempt, Vulnerability, Heavy Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Inner Dialogue, Multiple Pairings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Childhood Trauma, I'm Bad At Tagging, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Romantic Angst, First Kiss, Unrequited Crush, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, Love at First Sight, Enemies to Lovers, One-Sided Dazai Osamu/Oda Sakunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), One-Sided Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), One-Sided Akutagawa Ryuunosuke/Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), One-Sided Dazai Osamu/Fyodor Dostoyevsky (Bungou Stray Dogs), One-Sided Dazai Osamu/Kunikida Doppo (Bungou Stray Dogs), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, My First Fanfic, First Dates, Everyone Is Gay, Jealous Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Jealous Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Jealous Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs), Protective Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Protective Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/EHhDRPl

[itsclowreedsfault]

Bungou Stray Dogs Fanfic: Shatter

Pairing: Soukoku

Rating: T

Other places to read: AO3 | FF.Net

Notes: consider this an AU where they have no abilites.

Chuuya is still young when he joins the Port Mafia. It's a world of shadows, of corruption and blood that takes its toll on the weak. Chuuya prides himself on not being one of those; he climbs the ranks, he fights, and for a while, he wins. But unbeknownst to him, there's an hourglass inside his mind that started running the moment he stepped inside the darkness, the sand falling faster the more Chuuya descends into it. He doesn't know yet, but this hourglass is fragile, and he's running out of time.

Chuuya has a partner. Osamu Dazai, Port Mafia executive, the guy with ruthless eyes and a tendecy to annoy Chuuya whenever he opens his mouth. But together, they're deadly. They go on the most dangerous missions, they take lives, they don't bat an eye when they press the trigger. But each time, more grains of sand fall, filling the bottom of the hourglass until they far surpass the amount that's left on the top. And they're heavy, these grains, too heavy to be held by a glass that's starting to show its cracks. Chuuya begins to notice it. He ignores it all - the nightmares that get more frequent, the hesitancy, the moments of distraction, the foolish mistakes he hadn't comitted ever since his first missions. If Dazai notices there's something wrong with him, he doesn't mention it, and Chuuya pretends everything is fine. But the bottom of the hourglass is almost full, and it can't hold the sand for much longer.

The kids are the last straw, Chuuya thinks. They're the loudest in his head; their high-pitched screams calling for their mom and dad over and over again, clearly audible even with the crackling sound of the fire Chuuya had started. There had been no help, however; no mom to come tell them it was okay, no dad to defeat the big scary monster under the bed. Their parents were far away, gone on a trip from which they would return only to ashes - an accident, the police says, and they nod and pretend to accept it, but when they're alone they coil in fear, agonizing and blaming themselves for the death of their kids and of that poor babysitter who had no real part in all this. After a week, Dazai and Chuuya pay them a visit. Chuuya's hand shakes as he presses the barrel of the gun to the man's forehead, hesitates before pulling the trigger. Mom! Dad! Help us! "Please," says the man. Next to him, Dazai shoots the man's wife, and Chuuya forces himself to do the same. Their boss doesn't forgive those who break. How ironic, isn't it, that Chuuya should be the one to break next.

On his next mission, he can't pull the trigger. His head hurts with all the voices, the screaming, the crying. He can't see the face of the person on the other side of his gun - it keeps blurring, changing into a thousand others who've been in the same place before. Their pleas mix with the noise in Chuuya's head, until he can't take it anymore. The bottom of the hourglass is full, and the glass shatters. So he lowers his weapon, turns around, and runs, and runs, and runs. Away from the smell of fire, from the metallic tang of blood.

Chuuya knows he can't hide forever. A few days later, it's Dazai that finds him. Chuuya tries not to look as pathetic as he feels - calls Dazai every stupid name he can think of, complains that if he is to be disposed of then it shouldn't be done by someone as low as him. Dazai listens, eyes cold as ice, watches as Chuuya's façade crumbles, shatters into a million pieces at his feet. "Just do it already," Chuuya says, falling to his knees. He's tired. Of the screams, of running away. Instead of his gun, however, it's his fist that Dazai uses, and Chuuya's world goes black around him. 

Only Dazai would have a safe house unknown by the Port Mafia. He doesn't say anything about why he's saved Chuuya's life, and Chuuya doesn't ask. During the first few days, he's barely aware of his surroundings - he keeps dozing off and waking up drenched in sweat, choking on invisible smoke, carrying the screams from his dreams in his mind. It's right after one of his nightmares that Dazai comes to his room. He pulls a struggling Chuuya up by his hand, dragging him towards a door at the end of the corridor, pushing it open to reveal a room empty except for a pristine looking piano sitting in the middle of it. "I never thought you could become even more annoying, Chuuya," Dazai says, that mocking tone Chuuya knows so well present on his voice. Before, he would have gotten angry at his teasing. Now, Chuuya just stares straight ahead, eyes fixed on the piano, for the first time focused on something other than what's in his head. Dazai sighs. Pushes Chuuya forward, his hand resting lightly on his lower back. "Play. Like you used to." The weight of the piano lid is familiar on Chuuya's hands, the feel of the keys beneath his fingers an echo of another time, before he started cracking, before the hourglass started running. The first notes are hesitant, but soon Chuuya's hands are flying over the piano, spilling out a melody he can't remember the name of. But it's loud, and if he plays it long enough perhaps it'll become louder. So he plays, and plays, and plays, until his fingers are rubbed raw and his wrists hurt so much they turn numb. He plays, to drown out the voices, to drown out the screams.

The piano room becomes Chuuya's favorite place. He never leaves the house; constantly playing, constantly fighting against his own mind. Dazai comes and goes, but sometimes he stays, leaning on the wall in front of Chuuya and talking for hours on end. On his bad days, Chuuya's unresponsive to everything around him, Dazai's words only a string of noise he doesn't understand. On his good days, just the sound of Dazai's voice makes him react, insults rolling off his tongue with practiced ease, and it's almost as if they are back to when they were partners. Except they aren't. Chuuya is but a ghost of his former self, and he wants to kill Dazai, for being whole while he has shattered. He also wants to kiss him, if only to shut him up.

Only one of Chuuya's wishes comes true, and he finds out there's ways other than the piano to keep the voices at bay. He's drunk the first time it happens, so he can't remember whose idea it was, but it doesn't matter. Dazai's lips are rough and demanding; Chuuya becomes boneless under his touch, can't focus on anything but his mouth. So he lets Dazai play him like he plays the keys of his piano, until his body is on fire and Dazai's name is the only thing on his mind, falling from his lips and echoing as loud as his music in the room. This burning doesn't smell of smoke. These screams don't taste of blood. And for Chuuya, that's enough. 

It's on one of Chuuya's good days that Oda Sakunosuke is killed. That means he notices when Dazai enters the piano room that night. He notices the unusual stretch of silence before he starts talking, and the heavy weight on his voice. "They killed Odasaku," Dazai says, and Chuuya doesn't ask who "they" are, because he doesn't care. He vaguely remembers the guy, and that's it, so he keeps on playing until Dazai speaks again and the music comes to a sudden stop. "I'm leaving the Mafia." Chuuya doesn't raise his eyes from the piano, but his fingers tremble over the keys. The screaming in his head is but a background noise to Dazai's words. "You don't get to run away," he says, his voice low but sharp. "You don't tell me what to do, Chuuya," Dazai answers. It's not teasing, or playful. Chuuya wishes it was. The stool makes a screeching sound as it's dragged across the floor, and suddenly his hands are around Dazai's neck, squeezing. "You don't get to run away," Chuuya repeats, but his voice catches at the end when he sees the challenge in Dazai's eyes. He releases his hold, only to pull Dazai towards him in a kiss. It's forceful, their teeth clashing, but the other doesn't struggle; instead, he kisses Chuuya back with a passiveness that's as unlike him as everything else he's done that night. Chuuya forces Dazai pliant under him, mindless of the cold hard floor beneath them. He traces every inch of skin with his mouth, covers it all in bites; his fingers map Dazai's body, pressing so hard they're bound to leave marks that'll last for weeks. He's not gentle; his kisses taste of anger, of a bittersweet goodbye that has been forced upon him, and hell if he isn't going to punish Dazai for it. So Chuuya takes, and takes, and takes, everything Dazai has to give and more, searching, wishing to hear his voice break, break like Chuuya once had. What he gets is ragged breathing, short nails scratching his skin, a warm body trembling along with his own. But Dazai doesn't make a sound.

Even after Dazai leaves, Chuuya stays. Every few days, he wakes up to find food and new clothes in a pile by the piano. Chuuya knows they're from Dazai, but he's always asleep when he comes - it's not a coincidence, it never is when Dazai is involved - and by the time he wakes up there's no sign of his old partner other than the things he left behind. Alone in the piano room, Chuuya tells himself he'll be glad if he never sees him again. However, it's like the sound of the rain, going thump thump thump until it becomes background noise and you don't notice it anymore. But it's always there, and when the rain stops, you miss the sound. You notice its absence, and there's this strange, sudden feeling of emptiness, an ache for something that's not there. The screams continue, crowding Chuuya's mind, but now there's this tiny string of silence where Dazai's voice used to be, and Chuuya hates it. He hates Dazai, for leaving him with only the voices that are not his. He hates himself, for noticing. For caring.

Once, Chuuya was whole. Once, Chuuya had a partner, who got on his nerves constantly. A partner, who was as ruthless as him. A partner, who saved him when he shattered, and made him into a mess of hastily glued shards with points as sharp as a knife. A partner, who was strong enough not to break. Who was strong enough to leave. Now, Chuuya's only company are the screams, and a piano that isn't enough to keep them away. So he plays, and plays, and plays, until his fingers bleed and his wrists hurt. He plays, to drown out the voices. And to forget the silence.

[verdelet]

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: Gen, M/M Fandom: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs Relationships: Dazai Osamu/Oda Sakunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu & Oda Sakunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs) Characters: Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Oda Sakunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs) Additional Tags: Fix-it fic, Shippy but it can be friendship if you close one eye, Oda survives, Dazai shows up in time, Oda Needs A Hug, Dazai Needs A Hug, Comfort No Hurt, Kunikida Doppo (Brief), Atsushi Nakajima (Brief)

Language:English Series: Part 1 of the Another World, Another Story series Published: 2016-11-10 Completed: 2016-12-26 Words: 5163 Chapters: 4/4

Summary: Oda knows he's going to die. That's fine though, because it hurts and he can't risk losing more.

It's perfect, like the end of a performance. Both actors down to the last gun, the last magazine, the last bullet. Harmonious, as though they'd rehearsed this a million times. Synchronised, face-to-face, muzzle-to-chest. Trigger fingers tensing-  "Odasaku!"

Chapter 1: History Retold

It's perfect, like the end of a performance. Both actors down to the last gun, the last magazine, the last bullet. Harmonious, as though they'd rehearsed this a million times. Synchronised, face-to-face, muzzle-to-chest. Trigger fingers tensing-

"Odasaku!"

Gide jerks back, falling to a crouch. The wall cracks as a bullet pierces through the plaster. His arm snaps to the side-

"No," Oda thinks, Ability translating thought to future to vision. A split second shift, what-will-be becoming what-could-have-been. Only a second, only one second, and it's enough for Gide to swing his arm back to Oda-

Twin shots fire. Pain, red hot and burning, sears his flesh.

"... Absolutely perfect, Sakunosuke," Gide rasps, his smile bloody and serene.

The ever-shifting visions, the conversation that could have been, severs. The words Gide never said echo in the silence, loud in the stillness.

Gide falls to the side, blood spreading on his cloak. The world does an extremely unhelpful spin. Oda barely registers the shock of his knees hitting cracked marble. Too focused on the searing pain in his side, clawing at torn nerves and flesh, breath lodging in his throat-

"Odasaku, you absolute idiot," someone curses at him.

"Dazai," the name tears itself from his lips, and in the haze, he realises that he's alive. He's alive.

"You idiot," Dazai snaps back, as though Oda hadn't heard him the first time. "You nearly- It's gone right through- Why on earth are you smiling??"

Funny, he doesn't think he's ever heard Dazai sound so hassled before.

Dazai shrugs off his coat, folding it messily and pressing it against the bullet holes. The pain stabs into him with a vengeance and forces a grunt out of him, cutting right through the high. His hand fumbles, holding Dazai's coat in place. The other arm gets over the back of Dazai's shoulders, pulling his weight against his friend's side.

"Odabaka," Dazai hisses, hands fisting in Oda's shirt and squeezing hard around his wrist.

"Y-Yeah..." he manages, struggling to keep his feet under him as he's pulled up. Black flickers at the edges of his vision, the floor shifting under him even though he hasn't moved an inch.

"Don't you dare, Odasaku," Dazai growls, and the first step is almost too much to handle. He's had worse though, so he steels himself. Forcing his feet forwards against their will.

"Yessir," he grits out. At any other time, Dazai would tease him for the title. At any other time, Oda would crack a smile. As it is, it's all he can do to hold onto consciousness. He's bruised and more than a little broken, ribs aching in a way that suggests cracks. Bullet grazes sting worse as adrenaline gives way to fatigue.

Even with Dazai's help, the trek to the entrance is a slow process. A silver van pulls up at the entrance of the mansion, barely decent enough to not scream "mafia". The suits and conspicuous guns in the van most definitely scream "mafia". Oda lets them drag him in anyway. He's aware of Dazai right behind him, a familiar presence close to his shoulder.

Blood loss and shock drags him under even before he hits the leather seats.

"... -impressive, indeed. How many men were there?" Who...?

"Close to thirty, not including the leader. Most of them had been shot, but one of the rooms showed signs of an explosion, likely caused by grenades." Da... zai...?

"Ngh..." Whatever he'd been trying to say slurs into a single sound, his lips gummed together by sleep. It's hard to open his eyes, his head full of cotton and coiling haze. The ceiling swims into focus, white and painful. Hospital...?

"Odasaku." Dazai's voice calls his name, and Oda tilts his head to the side. Dazai's next to him, perched on the visitor's chair with crossed arms.

"Dazai..." His throat feels like absolute shit, and his voice sounds it, dry and rasping. Someone steps forwards, and he blinks a few times just to make sure he's actually awake. "Boss...?"

"Good morning, Oda-kun." Ougai smiles that 'you're not going to die yet' smile, which is a good sign he supposes. "How are you feeling?"

"... Not in pain," he answers after a moment. Which is true, and surprising for some reason.

"That would be the morphine," Dazai informs him, and Oda notes that yes, Dazai is still pissed at him. He wonders when that had become less terrifying and more worrying.

"You did well in subduing Mimic, Oda-kun," Ougai praises, but Oda is noting the way Dazai holds himself still. "It's somewhat unorthodox, but I believe that you could receive quite a promotion for your achievement."

"Thank you, Boss..." His head feels too fuzzy to fully process the words. His tongue feels stupidly heavy even as his brain cells work overtime to unscramble themselves. The morphine isn't helping in the least. "I... I'll take it into consideration."

"That's all I ask for, Oda-kun," Ougai murmured. Oda decides that mentioning Ougai had also asked him to investigate a certain triple agent is a possible bad idea, and keeps quiet instead. "I have to be off now, but do give me your response soon."

And just like that, the leader of Port Mafia sweeps out of his room, leaving an uncomfortable silence in his wake. Oda stares at the door for a while, then looks up at the corner of the ceiling. He turns his attention to the bedside table, and what he can see of it without lifting his head. His guns are there, which means Mimic's hideout had been cleared completely while he'd been unconscious.

Dazai still hasn't moved. Oda finally looks at him, but all that's visible is his hair and the ever-present bandages around Dazai's head.

"I know I'm an idiot." If it had been possible, Oda would have sagged into the pillows he's laying on. Dazai doesn't so much as twitch, but Dazai's trained not to twitch anyway.

"If I had been even a second late, Oda," Dazai says quietly, and it's the proper use of his name that clues him in to how shaken his friend is.

"Yeah..." His side doesn't ache, but his arms feel like limp noodles- all efforts to move them go to waste. "Thank you, Dazai."

"Do you really think that that's enough?" Dazai still isn't looking at him. It's a terrible time for Oda to not be able to move, all in all.

"No. Feel free to cuff me to the bed so I don't anything else that's stupid." As far as jokes go, it's terrible and somewhere around half-sincere. Dazai huffs, a laugh and a snort rolled into one. A small victory, at the very least, maybe worth a third of a point.

"Why did you go alone?" The rawness in Dazai's voice takes Oda by surprise. He turns barely in his chair, gaze is locked somewhere around Oda's knees, fingers curled into the faintly rumpled material of his pants. Distantly, Oda wonders whether he'd gotten any sleep or eaten a decent meal in the last twenty four hours.

"I couldn't risk waiting." It'd be easier to look up at the ceiling, fluorescent lights bright and glaring. Let it never be said he takes the easy way though, because he's straining to catch a better glimpse of Dazai's face. "I couldn't risk Gide sending another invitation."

It's strange. He remembers all too clearly, the freezing anger in his veins when he'd killed Gide's men. Yet in that timeless world where their Abilities had met, anger had turned to understanding. Not forgiveness, never forgiveness, but the hate had lost its razor sharp edge.

"But alone...?" Dazai tips his head forwards, expression is hidden behind the fall of his hair. The question is clear though, behind the hurt that laces each word.

"I couldn't risk you." With the kids gone, he only has one person left in this world. Given a chance to change things, he knows he wouldn't have decided any differently. "Dazai, you're a genius, but I couldn't risk you. I can't when you're..."

Maybe it's the morphine, but he doesn't think he's ever felt so open before. Dazai draws in a sharp breath, head tilting in his direction. It's still not enough for Oda to see the face Dazai makes, but it's still enough. Dazai knows.

"... And what do you think you are to me, Odasaku?" There's an edge there, something close enough to a challenge that Oda takes his time assessing his response. His thoughts drift to the arms holding him up, the voice by his ear cursing at him and keeping him conscious at the same time. The same voice that had nearly broken down the middle of his name when they'd stood in front of the kids' pyre.

"I didn't know at first," he breathes at last. "I never wanted to assume..." It's a struggle to free his arm from the blanket. He must have been out for at least four days to be this weak... Still, he manages to leave his arm lying on top of the blanket, palm up in offering.

"You... really need to work on your self-worth, Odasaku," Dazai whispers back, but he's reaching out to hold Oda's hand. His palm is warm against Oda's, their fingers lacing together.

"Ahah... I might need some help with that, if you don't mind..." He hasn't been awake for half an hour, but he's already feeling tired again. Dazai squeezes his hand, an answer and an assurance, and Oda doesn't fight the smile that curls the corners of his lips.

He doesn't let go of Dazai's hand, but Dazai doesn't let go of his either.

Chapter 2: A Brighter Future

The days pass slowly. There's a routine, now that Oda is conscious. A nurse comes in every morning at eight to change the bandages with fresh ones. Dazai usually chooses to saunter in during this time, taking his usual seat by the bed and watching the nurse too closely for her comfort.

"We match now," he'd told Dazai once, gesturing at the white stretched around his middle and the square patch on his cheek. Dazai had insisted that Oda simply could not pull off the 'beautiful while injured' look, and neither of them comment on the obviously feigned disinterest of the nurse.

After that, he's given breakfast and he prods Dazai into eating half of it.

"I wouldn't make you if you actually ate proper meals," Oda points out, and Dazai eats the other half of Oda's pudding cup too in retaliation. Oda doesn't stop him.

Dazai leaves after that to sort out whatever dirty deeds the mafia has lined up for him, and Oda is left alone.

He has books at least, novels Dazai had brought over from Oda's place. He doesn't recall ever handing his keys to Dazai, but things like locked doors have never stopped Dazai before. There's a few from what he thinks is Dazai's own collection, and he finds a strange sort of amusement from No Longer Human. The cover of the novel is worn, the pages curled slightly at the corners, and he wonders how often Dazai had thumbed through these pages. He pictures slim fingers turning the pages, the quiet focus of dark brown as they take in printed words, and it's an image he finds he doesn't want to let go of.

Natsume Souseki's novels are there too, Oda recognises them as his own copies by the broken spines and the old coffee stain on one of the covers. He's certain that, if tested, he would be able to recite each volume, line by line. They're ingrained into his memory, countless hours trying to understand each character to picture some sort of appropriate resolution lending him a near-perfect knowledge of the script. Still, they welcome him like an old friend when he turns the pages, and he thinks of the old metal chair and the patter of rain against the window close to his ear. The hospital bed is too far away, and the weather forecast predicts only sunshine for the rest of the week, but it's peaceful nonetheless.

By the fourth day since he woke up, he reaches the last volume again. Once again, the novel ends too soon, and once again Oda traces the last line with a finger, as though the ink may whisper its secrets against his skin. It's different this time, he notes. Not the words, but his perception of them. An incomplete end. Of course, for those alive would only know what they experienced up to their present. For those still alive, there is no end. Not yet. Not for a while.

"'Humans live to save themselves. They know this when they die.'" His voice is the only one in the room, but he wonders if it will reach the old man who had taught a child hitman to live. "Thank you."

To write novels is to write about humans. To control how they live, and how they die.

He doesn't think he's ready to put pen to paper yet, but that doesn't mean there aren't other ways of writing.

He's awake when Dazai slips in the next morning. The nurse comes in a few minutes later, and they sit in silence until she leaves again, breakfast set out on table.

"Odasaku, what are you thinking?" Dazai asks once the door has clicked shut, and Oda doesn't even try to feign innocence. Instead, he shifts to the side so Dazai can sit next to him, perched on the edge of the bed.

"I want to leave." That's not all though, and he holds up a hand before Dazai can respond. "Working with the mafia... isn't something I can keep doing. Dazai, I want you to come with me."

Upon hindsight, Oda thinks he could have counted the number of times he's seen Dazai speechless even if both his hands had been cut off. Now though, there's no mistaking the way Dazai stares at him, mouth slightly open.

"You said it before..." Somehow, he doesn't feel worried at all. Maybe it's almost dying, maybe it's the time he's spent reflecting, but he feels ready. Certain in a way he hasn't before. "That you want to find a reason to live. That stepping close to the core of human nature might fill that hole in yourself."

"I did... but what-" Dazai stops when Oda cups the side of his head. Their eyes meet, and Oda refuses to look away.

"It's not here, Dazai," he says as gently as he knows how, and watches the way Dazai's eyes widen. "That hole you have in yourself can't be filled by anything in this world. Nothing will ever truly meet your expectations and if you stay here, you'll be trapped in the darkness forever."

"Odasaku... what..." Dazai trails off, thrown so far off-track it's obvious even to Oda. He stills, not even breathing for a worryingly long moment. Then his breath stutters out, hand coming up to rest over Oda's almost subconsciously, and Oda is reminded of how painfully lost Dazai likes to pretend he isn't. "How do you... know that...?"

"I'm your friend, aren't I?" He smiles. It feels so strange, the knowledge that he can consider himself as such. A gift he can only repay by proving himself over and over. It's a payment he doesn't think he'll ever mind. "Of course I know."

For the first time, Dazai looks away. Oda can read the doubt there, a child stumbling in the dark for so long that any light would burn him. But even the burns would be a mark of hope, he thinks. Once the shadows have fallen apart to let the child create his own light.

"You want me to come with you?" Dazai is quiet, more uncertain that Oda's ever heard before.

"Saving or killing people... You don't feel a thing either way." Dazai's looking at him as though seeing him for the first time, and Oda hurts thinking about how lonely his partner has been. I'm sorry I've kept quiet for so long. "So choose the right path with me. You may not care about justice or evil... but becoming a better person is such a wonderful thing, Dazai."

"Odasaku.... You weren't kidding when you said you were going to be a writer." Dazai smiles, and that's all the answer Oda needs.

"We can write our own stories together," he murmurs, and means it. Their stories, their lives, they'll write it down into time itself so that no one will ever forget they were here.

Chapter 3: Looking Forwards

"You owe me one," Dazai tells him, eye glinting in a way Oda knows better than to trust. It's not like he can deny it, though it doesn't mean he won't try.

"Why can't you just wash it?" It gets him exactly the response he wants. Dazai's expression scrunches up, looking as though Oda had just insulted the creator of linen bandages.

"Odasaku, that's gross," Dazai says flatly. There's no bite though, no sign that it's too soon to joke about almost getting killed, and Oda is grateful. Some sixth sense whispers of rough nights ahead of them, but he can handle those so long as he has this.

"It's cost-efficient," he counters, even as Dazai makes a show of not listening to him and instead goes traipsing off into the shop. Oda revels in the warmth unfurling in his chest, studying the sleek coats and leather satchels draped over mannequins in the display window before following suit.

Dazai's got his hands stuffed into the pockets of a sandy brown trenchcoat half an hour later, the coattail swishing heavily as he spins around on a heel to grin at Oda. The crystal on his bolo tie glints, blue like the sky above them and just as bright.

"At least wear it properly..." It's money well-spent, so he can't begin to sound as petulant as he wants. It's amazing to watch, really. With the decision to leave, both of them had abandoned their homes. Packing only what they needed into Oda's car and withdrawing as much cash as they could without drawing attention. They have about a week before the mafia notices. It's just enough time to get most of their funds out, and hopefully find a place they can lay low in.

Even with the shopping list of things they have to do, Dazai's readying himself for whatever task he's lining up, pulling on a persona that's familiar as much as it isn't. It's the lackadaisical behaviour Oda's used to seeing, taken to another level. It's a persona that hides the cold genius, but Oda is well-aware that Dazai isn't suppressing it at all. Just keeping it back so that others underestimate the abilities of an eighteen-year-old mafia executive.

There's a lightness in his steps Oda doesn't think is entirely false though, and that's what he marvels at as they walk side by side.

"There's a man we can meet tonight," Dazai informs him, fiddling with the cuffs of the trenchcoat. "He'll get us a place to work at."

"Is it a surprise?" They'd agreed that Dazai would pick their jobs. In all honesty, Oda would have been happy with almost anything honest, but well... Following Dazai had always been interesting and he knows that whatever Dazai signs them up for will be no different.

"Of course~" Dazai rubs his palms together, looking like a child about to raid a candy store. Actually, now that Oda thinks about it, Dazai looks like he's about to raid a pharmacy. "We have a few hours until then, so there's time to perfect our new looks."

"... Do I have to?" As one, they look at Oda's outfit. The only difference is that he's lacking his coat, and that's only because it's too torn and bullet-ridden to be used ever again. It's a loss he truly feels should be mourned.

"True, Odasaku already does look like a good law-abiding citizen..." Dazai contemplates aloud, then bops a fist into his palm. "How about a black coat to make you look like a thug?"

Oda considers that for a second, then shrugs. "As long as my holster harness fits, I won't complain."

"Oh? And how do you know you'll need your guns?" Dazai sidles close, the motion accompanied with a ridiculous eyebrow waggle, but it quickly melts into a laugh with the look Oda levels on him.

"I know you," Oda points out, and is startled by the pleasant surprise that lights up his partner's face.

"You do," Dazai agrees, an unfamiliar contentment in his voice. Oda steps closer without thinking, their shoulders bumping. There's no response to that, but Oda doesn't think it's necessary anyway.

They find another trenchcoat in a secondhand shop, scuffed at the elbows and stained with coffee at the hem. Dazai laments about the lack of 'newness' in the 'new' image for half a minute, then goes alarmingly quiet when Oda slips the coat on and adjusts the lapels. It's a little on the loose side, but they can afford to get it tailored so he isn't too concerned. He's more worried about the way Dazai is eyeing him, dark eyes flicking from his face to his chest region a few times before finally settling on the former.

"You're getting this one," Dazai informs him, and- Oh. Oda fights the tug at the corner of his mouth, turning his attention to the trenchcoat itself and sliding his hand inside to gauge the amount of leeway he has. Even with the adjustments, there would still be space for his guns, he thinks, so long as he doesn't fasten it closed. The material is durable too, even if he estimates its age to be somewhere between two and five years. Thick enough to provide some level of insulation but not so much that it would be absolute hell during the (relatively) cooler parts of summer.

Assessment complete, he lifts his gaze to find Dazai still staring, and can't help but tilt his head to the side slightly. "The quality is fine, but I'll need to have it adjusted slightly. Do you want to keep looking, or...?"

They leave the shop five minutes later, Oda's secondhand trenchcoat draped over one arm and Dazai's elbow hooked around the other.

The man they're meeting is Chief Taneda Santouka. Oda only finds this out in the bathroom, as he helps Dazai unwind the bandage that encircles the younger man's head, and has to blink a few times to process the words. Dazai misses the gesture because Oda's standing behind him, and carries on as though he hadn't somehow made contact with the acting commander of the Special Abilities Division.

"He doesn't know that we know where he'll be," Dazai points out, even though Oda hadn't said a word. Not for the first time, Oda wonders if mind-reading is Dazai's true Ability.

"His schedule must not have been easy to find out," Oda muses, because he hadn't seen Dazai using the phone recently (even if no one would actually dare to bug the phone of Port Mafia's Demon Prodigy) and he can't imagine how else Dazai would have found this out when neither of them have a laptop (that they could afford to throw away should it be tracked, anyway).

"Oh, you know me, Odasaku. I have my ways." Dazai waves a hand, brushing the matter off like he does the locks of hair that fall over his face when Oda loosens the bandage and frees them. There's a moment where constant pressure has made impressions on Dazai's hair, leaving a good inch and a half flat against his scalp, and the effect is just so odd to see that Oda has to run fingers through his hair a few times to at the very least mask it, grinning helplessly the whole time.

Then Dazai turns around, and... Oh. Oda can feel the grin melt right off his face, everything coming to a stop as he takes in the sight of Dazai blinking slowly, likely adjusting to having a wider field of vision. He's staring and he knows it, and so does Dazai when those dark eyes focus on him, Dazai's body turning on the lowered toilet cover to make it easier. Oda considers looking away or saying something to detract from his own rapt attention, but dismisses the thought just as quickly. Instead, he reaches up to curl fingers under Dazai's chin, tilting Dazai's face up before sliding his hand along the other's jaw so he can brush a thumb over just under the newly-revealed eye.

"Odasaku?" Dazai's smiling, that little smile Oda's only ever seen in private - that teasing smirk that's just that. Teasing, with no threat, no freezing indifference, and no mockery.

"You look good," Oda explains, and Dazai's eyes flutter shut as his fingers carefully work to peel off the square patch still taped over Dazai's cheek with the help of an alcohol swab.

"It only seems right," Dazai murmurs while Oda works. "You're the one who opened my eyes, after all." And that... Oda doesn't really know what Dazai means by that, aside from the possibility of a pun. But there's a smile on Dazai's face, the closest thing to contentment that he's ever seen. The permission he'd been given to not only see past the physical guards Dazai had put up, but to actually have a hand in taking those guards down is not a privilege lost on him, though how he'd earned it is certainly up for debate.

He doesn't ask though, just spends a little longer than is strictly necessary stroking the silky smooth skin of Dazai's cheeks and smiling as Dazai leans into the touch. Later, Dazai will catch onto Oda's newest accessory, the familiar band of white wrapped a few times around his wrist and pinned in place, and Oda will be accused of stealing Dazai's look. Oda will shrug, and Dazai's expression when Oda tells him that it's simply a reminder will be just like the one Dazai had given him when Oda had offered a way out. And just like that... maybe Dazai will never find a way to be free of the loneliness, but this closeness Oda has earned... It's a start, at any rate.

Chapter 4: Four Years Later

Kunikida Doppo is a man worthy of respect. He has a sharp mind, honed by years of working for the agency and solving cases most would flounder in. He has discipline, the kind that would suffocate any other person but only serves to make him thrive. He's genuine in ways that are both obvious and not, the way he picks up snacks for the rest of the agency some days before arriving, and the way he is always, always looking out for his colleagues, regardless of whether or not they need looking out for.

For all that the agency teases him, Kunikida Doppo is very much the spine, holding them up and keeping them together.

Still, it's been four long years, and Oda firmly believes Kunikida should have expected something like this by now.

"I'm going to kill him," the agent in question seethes, fingers twitching like talons. Oda puts a hand on his shoulder, both to placate the man and to stop him from jumping into the river himself.

"Good luck," Oda tells him, and means it. It's not like Kunikida would ever truly try anyway. For all that he's literally knocked Dazai around, Oda's caught him tending to Dazai miscellaneous "I live a dangerous life, Kunikida-kun~" injuries more than once.

They find Dazai about five minutes later, and even Oda is surprised by that. Not because of how quickly they'd found him, but because they'd actually found him instead Dazai finding them and possibly getting river water on them in the process.

(It doesn't compare with the smell of blood and burning metal and sewage, but that doesn't mean Oda is willing to smell like whatever Yokohama throws into its water system.)

"Dazai!" Kunikida shouts, and Oda only listens with half an ear, filtering out everything he's heard a dozen times before (which is most of it, honestly). There's a boy next to his partner, with silver-white hair and drab clothes that hang off his thin frame. From what Oda gathers in the loud exchange between his co-workers, the boy had 'saved' Dazai from drowning. Oda highly doubts drowning of all things would have managed to even injure the brunette, but it's the thought that counts.

Dazai's prodding Kunikida into repaying the boy for saving him, and that's what catches Oda's attention. A quick glance to the side to mark a route, and Oda jogs across the connecting road to meet Dazai while his partner finalises the 'deal' with Kunikida by blatantly ignoring the state of the blonde's wallet.

"My name is Osamu Dazai," his partner is saying when Oda catches up, and the breeze that swirls past makes the pose Dazai's striking far more dramatic than it needs to be.

"You're also going to get sick," Oda points out, and can feel his own mouth hitching up at the corner at the grin Dazai offers him. The boy standing a few feet away just about jumps a mile at Oda's arrival, but he ignores that for the moment. Instead, he shrugs off his coat and tugs at Dazai until the man sheds the sodden trenchcoat and exchanges it for Oda's.

"And this is Odasaku, Atsushi-kun," Dazai introduces, slipping his arms through the sleeves of Oda's coat. "He looks scary but he only bites if you ask~"

"Oda Sakunosuke," Oda greets. "Dazai bites even if you tell him not to, so he's not one to talk."

The kid, Atsushi, looks ready to jump back into the river. He does accept the hand Oda offers though, his grip too-loose and too stiff, and Oda suspects no one's made the gesture to him before. Still, Dazai's approved of him for a reason, so Oda's curious to learn why.

"Ah- Kunikida-kun~ You're here!" Dazai calls, looking over Oda's shoulder, and Oda holds back a sigh because Kunikida is most definitely still annoyed. He can tell that much without looking because Atsushi goes pale, and Oda can't help but inch a little closer just in case Atsushi trips back into the river.

All in all, it's a peaceful walk to the nearest restaurant that serves tea on rice. The sky's turned orange-red, flocks of birds turned into moving smudges of black overhead. Dazai prods at Kunikida relentlessly and Kunikida hisses like a disgruntled kitten, but the only action he takes is the handkerchief he uses to scrub Dazai's wet hair.

Oda's content to fall behind, side-by-side with Atsushi, though neither of them speak. Atsushi's fidgeting like he has something to say though, so Oda decides to wait. He won't hold back anymore, not when he has the choice to reach out, but there's a time and place for that, and now and here is not it. Not yet.

[jade-lop]

Plot bunny for adoption (sent me a link so I can read it, and please, if you can, make this story a non-shipping Gen fic):

Knight Rider AU: Dazai Osamu was a super sophisticated artificial intelligent with self-awareness, installed on a black Honda NM4 Vultus, and equipped with nigh-invulnerable armour.

Belonging to the Port Mafia, he was partnered with Nakahara Chuuya, but the AI and the gravity manipulator did not get along with each other.

Then, one day, the AI bike went missing following the death of his friend, Oda Sakunosuke.

Four years later, Armed Detective Agency received a thank you gift from a client in the form of Gundam custom Honda NM4 Vultus, which Director Fukuzawa then assigned to Kunikida.