#Self-care through walking

[spaciebabie]

this picture isnt real its all happening in twilights head and she's listening ta this as she's having her bi horse fantasies

un blurred below the cut as well as the lineart with flats cuz i want ta show it off sue me

edit: ignore that the images changed slightly i noticed a shading error i missed and it was bothering me 💀

[nobodymitskigabriel]

I love the idea that Gabriel is one of the few beings in existence capable of understanding the scale of Sam's torture in the Cage. Sam's trauma might make him "out of reach" to ordinary people in some respects, but it also gives him an otherworldliness that puts him on more even footing with supernatural beings like Gabriel.

[agentark]

a purely self indulgent whatever this is about a vibe I love

there's just something about an eerie town, a few old friends, a slowly building sense of dread, radio static, an outsider, I think we're being watched, remembering

oxenfree 🤝 the fernweh saga

Aelsa Trevelyan - The Fernweh Saga, Book 1 // The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms // Oxenfree - Night School Studio // Paramore - Figure 8 // Aelsa Trevelyan - The Fernweh Saga, Book 1 // Oxenfree - Night School Studio // Trocadero feat. Meredith Hagan - Contact Redux // unknown // Aelsa Trevelyan - The Fernweh Saga, Book 1

[spotaus]

Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡

So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.

At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.

Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.

I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.

So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.

If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.

[grey29]

Weird piece of self care advice:

As long as you’re not injuring yourself, there’s no fucking “best” type of workout. If you hate the types of workouts you’re doing then you should find another type of exercise because there’s probably one out there that you won’t hate.

Like I finally realized after 7 years of being a cross country runner that I HATE running. I’ve always hated it. But it was familiar and everyone thought it was such a good form of exercise so I stuck with it.

In college I realized I like ice skating and weight lifting and I finally got back into working out because of that and it’s so much less hard on my body and doesn’t cause pain flair ups for me.

Just putting this out there Bc I think it would have been helpful for me a few years ago to have someone give me permission to change the type of exercise I did.

[kakashihasibs]

Had a little mental breakdown bc i, a genius, spent the last 3 days laying in bed thinking i could just sleep my way through recovery 🙃

[tovaicas]

some of the threads probably could've been handled better but as a whole I love alphinaud's HW character arc so much

[coderiderr]

Mom bought me a calming app that’s actually working :)

[marbleheavy]

thinking about how the “you can’t love someone until you love yourself” thing is bullshit!! it ignores the fact that we are meant to connect to each other and to love and that sometimes you experience emotions so intense they must become externalized, like rage or fear, and that part of what makes you capable of bearing your own sorrows is letting someone else hold them too. and in a society that is dead set on convincing people that they are never enough, it’s just asking you to never love anyone, to never let yourself connect. it takes so much work to be alone or to pretend that you are, but people aren’t ever alone. that isn’t to say it doesn’t also take effort to care for people, but the reward is so much greater when you let yourself love people. by loving people around you in any way (romantic, platonic, familial, aesthetically, etc.) you are making yourself just as lovable

[faaun]

whenever i think/talk abt a "you" it's at least 5 different people usually

[skaluli]

guess who finally got to go to a therapist again today after losing their other one

ME!!!!!!!!!!!

[topflights]

cracks knuckles. in the face of wanting to drop out of college i remind myself again. hangman adam page would want me to do well on my midterms hangman adam page would believe in me to get this work done hangman adam page would be proud of me for trying so hard hangman adam page would support me even if i ended up failing these tests

[upperranktwo]

Good morning good morning everyone!!!!!! 💖

[friendlifyre]

i NEED to be healthier my body is sending me every possible signal that im not taking good care of it

[imnotabotdontblockmeplz]

when you've been depression-prone for long enough you can start to self regulate. You learn to notice the signs when your mental health is about to take a turn for the worse. And when that happens what you gotta do is sigh, get out your 'Homo Sapiens Biological Needs' checklist and make sure you are fed, watered, exposed to sunlight and lightly exercised like a plant-puppy hybrid. And if the dopamine still isn't hitting after that then this is a good reason to skive off work/school, tuck yourself up in a blanket, eat comfort food and indulge in fanfic or video games or whatever you like

[paradoxgavel]

waugh i think i'm dealing with therapy hangover today...