#Ser Crispy Cole

[vinnianlovesdinosaurs]

House of the Dragon Hot Take #6

I think it's time to voice my opinions on a few things that include both teams because I feel like in most of these posts I'm just blatantly staying neutral so here we go 😮‍💨

Joffrey Lonmouth and Vaemond Velaryon getting murdered - Both terrible injustices and a blatant display of ignorance from Daemon and Criston Cole. Neither should be celebrated or seen as "cool."

Daemon and Rhaenyra - Not a good ship at all I'm sorry. To be honest I don't think any ship involving Daemon is a good one because he's abusive, neglectful, selfish, and a pedophile.

Rhaenyra and Alicents victim-hood - Should not be compared in any way shape or form. They are both victims in their own right and they BOTH deserve better.

Blood and Cheese - I know most Team Green AND Team Black stans agree with me on this one because it was absolutely unforgivable. Daemon had an innocent child beheaded. Let's not ignore that a rape threat was used against a little girl and a distressed mother.

THE Driftmark incident - Both parties were in the wrong in their own ways here. Aemond didn't deserve to lose his eye, Lucerys didn't deserve practically having a death threat made towards him by full grown adults and his uncle who knew better than him, Rhaenyra didn't deserve to have her arm sliced open, Aegon didn't deserve to have the blame placed on him and he especially didn't deserve to be hit for it, and Alicent didn't deserve to be cast aside like that and ignored.

Laena's Funeral (Pre- Aemond becoming One-eyed) - Honestly justice for my precious girl Laena because WTF even was that mess of a funeral? Her uncle was spewing vitriol at literal children during the ceremony, her husband laughed and was practically eye-fucking his niece, and then Daemon and Rhaenyra end up fucking like three hours later?? 😭

Viserys I Targaryen - I hate this man. He was a shit father to all of his children. He was a shit husband to both of his wives. He was a shit king. He was a shit friend. He was a shit brother. A PEDOPHILE JUST LIKE HIS MF BROTHER !! AND HE'S A RAPIST !! #Viserys should have died sooner

Aegon II, Aemond, Helaena, Daeron, Rhaena, Baela, Aegon III, Viserys II, Jacaerys, Lucerys, and Joffrey - Honestly, I sympathize with every single one of these children. They were all raised in terrible environments with immature people all around them. Most of them were practically abused.

Harwin Strong - Justice for my man. He loved Rhaenyra, Larys, Lyonel, Jacaerys, Lucerys, and Joffrey with all his heart.

Laenor Velaryon - JUSTICE FOR MY MAN!!! He was ridiculed, bullied, and blatantly used almost every day of his life for who he was. His lover was murdered right in front of him, his selfish ass father refused to accept him, and he had jokes made about his sexuality while he was grieving his dead sister that he didn't get to see for 10 years.

Rhaenyra and Criston Cole - The whole fucking situation grossed me out tbh. I understand Rhaenyra was under the influence and confused from what just happened to her but she practically coerced Criston.

Aemma Arryn and Rhea Royce - Justice for my wives ASAP!! Aemma was used as a breeding mule and Rhea was murdered by her weirdo fucking husband.

The Iron Throne - In my true opinion, I do agree that Rhaenyra was the rightful heir, but in truth neither her or Aegon were good rulers in their own ways. AT ALL.

[anothersarcasticdolphin]

Viserys: *Gestures to a pile of burned and melted Kingsguard armor* Explain.

Daemon: Ahh. That. So do you remember how I told you Caraxes and I would protect Rhaenyra?

Viserys: *Nods*

Daemon: Well Ser Crispy had his sword out in her presence. And Caraxes takes promises very seriously.

Viserys: *Facepalm* And do I want to know how my Lord Hand ended up with burns?

Daemon: Well he was standing close to Ser Crispy. You know how dragons are.

[aemondsladywife]

gwayne's two seconds of screentime of todays ep just being him giving attitude to criston he's so real for that 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[vices-aand-virtues]

House of the Dragon + Reductress Headlines (20/?)

[bbygirl-aemond]

i don't know how else to explain it but the way every single kingsguard calmly picked up their shit and left the second criston raised his voice was peak sibling energy

[owarinaki]

HOTD S2 - Alicent & Cole

HOTD S2EP2 P1 / P2 / P3 / P4 / P5 / P6/ P7 / P8

House of the Dragon S2 all links

EP1 // EP2 // EP3

Cast photo

[uluthrek]

broke: modern criston cole as an incel alpha chad podcaster

woke: modern criston cole as one of these dudes whose apartment is furnished with an air mattress, a shaker bottle, a calendar with pictures of naked men hidden under the crappy air mattress and a singular cactus (that is dead. criston keeps it as a reminder of his failures.) he works at chipotle as a form of self flagellation and sometimes as an exterminator who kills rabid rats with his bare hands just to feel something (which is why he has tetanus, because he refuses to get vaccinated, not because he‘s a legitimate antivaxxer but because he just simply believes that he doesn’t deserve to be vaccinated). sometimes he comes to alicent‘s beige nightmare of a house in the suburbs to fish her hair out of the drain for her, and instead of letting her pay him, he just keeps the hair. he chews on a photo of rhaenyra when stressed. once a week, gwayne and daemon lay aside their differences to drive their porsches to his apartment and call him poor.

[redleaffv]

Ser Crispin and King Crispy

[ayowotsdis]

I SWEAR if ANY of you decide to bully Fabien Frankel and Ewan Mitchell because of crispy and aemond I will become {username} the cruel.

[bucknastysbabe]

You chose the highborn route, be prepared for a night with your sweet sworn sword.

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Criston is unhinged, Targ!Princess reader is a little manipulative, soft domme, pet names, slight Degredation, fuck the thoughts outta your head, sub space for Criston, edging, overstimulation, hand jobs, praise kink

Lowborn route

Dividers by: @plutism

Criston had slunk into your chambers that night, eyes dark, posture defeated. You, the object of his desire and forbidden lover opened your arms as always. He knelt by your bedside, letting your smaller hand caress a stubbled cheek, the other palm smoothing errant curls.

“What’s wrong sweetheart, dear babe, coming to me like a kicked pup.”

His voice quavered when he replied, “Don’t want to think. I think too much, it’s driving me mad.”

“Think about what?,” you asked, Criston’s agonized expression making your chest clench. He was of the emotional sort— prone to bouts of anger or deep self-hatred, despondency.

“You, my Princess, it’s always you.”

Figured, he was madly in love lust obsession with you. You’d have to fuck the thoughts out of his pretty head. It would clear the knight up until the next time he got lost in the forever fog of honor, duty, love, oaths, guilt and shame.

“You can hold it,” you smiled down at the poor thing.

Criston was a sloppy mess. Long dark hair sweaty, lips swollen and wet, eyes wide with hot tears. Even his olive skin burned a shade of mauve. Pre-cum soaked his trembling belly, slick oil all over his cock and balls. To you— he was a masterpiece.

Your sweet little Kingsguard who cried and followed you like a puppy. Sick with love. Would do just anything for you. Like now. You’d been keeping the man on the edge from having two orgasms now. His thighs shook from underneath, white teeth biting down on a tender lip as he held off the release.

He whined long, eyes pouring fresh tears. Criston’s voice cracked as he babbled, “M’so close- closeclose oh gods princess- please stop mmh I’m going to pop!” Your hand slowed to a stop, cooing, “Good boy, letting me know, such an obedient puppy.”

He sniffled, “Th-thank you princess.”

You watched his breathing slow down before beginning to jerk him again. You used one hand to pull down the excess skin on his shaft, the other circling his purpling cockhead with a flat palm. The brunette began to sob, almost sounding like a pained laugh. He tried to shy away, writhing, hands firmly tied behind to prevent that from happening.

“Hn- oh- hnghhh,” was his eloquent little reply.

You soaked up his pleas, pussy throbbing at how desperate he got. Leaning closer and pressing your tits against muscled chest you playfully asked, “You gonna pop pup? You hurting? Oh poor Ser Criston, can’t even control himself. I bet you rut your pillow every night, whining for me like the puppy you are.”

He nodded tearily, thick brows furrowed. You could tell the knight he was a stupid aurochs and he would agree. But he wasn’t. Criston was sharper and stronger than he let on. Just liked being used like a flea bottom whore to abate his wild delusions.

Pressing your lips to his cheek you taunted further, “The gallant Ser Criston, unhorsed Daemon, rendered Strong to Brokenbones, the only knight to see live combat here. Yet my hand has you pinned.”

He groaned in frustration, wrists pulling at the bound rope. Criston gritted out, “I- I’m holding it, I’m…oh, it’s all for you!” Patting a wet cheek you sighed, “I know, so strong and valiant. Couldn’t ask for a better shield, mine so true and chivalrous.”

This situation was not chivalrous, but Criston’s desire to please and be polite was. He whimpered softly, lips puckered into a pout. You kissed the swollen flesh, hand still easing him along. He opened his mouth for you, silently begging for a kiss.

Relieving your flat palm from his over-sensitive prick, Criston’s body settled some. You awarded his pretty mouth with a searing open-mouthed lip lock. The brunette arched into your tits, mouthing at you eagerly, letting your royal tongue force his into submission. You loved the shiver forced down his spine when you suckled on a sweet tongue.

Criston began to whimper again, belly tightening, cock leaking so so so much pre. You sped your hand up, pulling away to his agonized noise. Nuzzling at his cheek you purred, “You’re just perfect baby. Not having any more nasty thoughts? Just how full your poor balls are hm? How your princess always takes care of her sweetie?”

“Gooooooods yes,” he moaned.

He was drooling now, unable to stop cute hitching of breath, having achieved his perfect little empty headspace. You cooed further, “Pretty puppy, good puppy, been so obedient. Do you want to come for me?”

He babbled, “Whatever you w-want, mmm, close close, princess please, my angel!”

Swiping a hand across his swollen cockhead you ordered the man to let go. By the gods he did, so wonderfully. Sobbing and mouthing at your neck, thighs jumping in tune with his cock twitching and spitting pearly essence all over his tight belly. He cried your name, some swear words, mainly indecipherable crying gibberish. Tongue and head too thick with heady pleasure.

You eased him through the intense sensation, sliding your smaller palms across his heaving sides. “That’s it Criston, good, good, let it out.” He’d stopped releasing but needed a good little cry into your neck. You scratched at the sweaty hair on his nape, murmuring sappy words.

After taking a deep inhale, Criston childishly blinked and stared at you, waiting for something. You smiled softly and purred, “Relax Ser Cole, I’ve got my puppy taken care of. Just lie down, let me get these ropes off.” He slurred out an ‘m’kay’, tired from the ordeal. You smiled down at his relaxed face, glad to keep your knight complacent and sweet for a bit longer. He smiled softly, utterly drained with bone-deep pleasure.

[daenerystargaryen06]

Why in the hell am I seeing someone defend CRISPY F*CKIN COLE of all people on my feed? Gtfo.

Criston Cole is a misogynistic incel and a piece of trash. He was not "used and abused" by Rhaenyra and Alicent just to be discarded by them after (can't believe bitches got me defending ALICENT over here but here we are).

Criston Cole was disgusting. He made the choice to sleep with Rhaenyra, don't even argue "b-but she was the Princess and had more pOwEr" with me. Criston knew what he was doing. Rhaenyra was a young girl who was drunk and riled from Daemon. Criston took advantage of that fact and continued to sleep with her. He could have left, he could have shoved past her or shouted or did something to stop her if he truly wanted to. But let's be honest here- Criston didn't want to run from Rhaenyra. He wanted to sleep with her. He fully gave his consent after only, what? 5 seconds? He was kissing up on her, removing his armor and her clothes, and had her on that bed consensually. He wasn't "forced" into shit.

Let's also remember the fact in the books he was lusting after a little girl he had watched grow up since she was 8 years old? But yeah guys, sure, go ahead and defend the incel misogynist and groomer/pedo just because "pOoR mAn pAiN cRiStOn hAd cOnSeNsUaL sEx wItH tWo PoWeRfUl WoMeN". Jfc. Get a damn grip and reevaluate yourself if this is what it's come to.

Alicent also didn't use or abuse Criston. He had consensual sex with her just as he had with Rhaenyra. It was him who shoved Alicent against the wall and then was making moves with her in season 2. He had the power and strength to stop her and remove himself from the situation, but he didn't. He was Hand of the King during this moment, mind you, so he definitely had the power then to reject Alicent and walk away. YET HE DIDN'T. HE KISSED HER. HE SLEPT WITH HER. HE WANTED IT JUST AS MUCH AS SHE DID. STOP TRYING TO DEFEND THIS MAN.

I hate this fandom sometimes.

[anothersarcasticdolphin]

It would be hilarious if, after the Morningstar incident, Ser Crispy tries to blame it on Luce and Jace, who were nowhere near the training yard, and when that doesn't work, tries to blame it on Rhaenyra, who also wasn't near the area. He's become so used to blaming everything under the sun on Rhaenyra and her sons that he never stops to think of his own actions.

That would indeed be hilarious.

For the Moringstar incident fic I am actually planning for Luke and Jace to be around (ish) so Crispy can be thinking they are cowards and bastards in the moment, but I will have Crispy leaning hard on blaming Rhaenyra (who wasn't around) afterward.

[crookedwesper]

Otto this episode could be summed up as: the worst person you know made a great point.

[theautismcorner]

Go Gwayne call that cunt out!

[rhaenyrathecruell]

Ser crispy during the dragon fight in tonight’s episode:

[drakaripykiros130ac]

Otto is getting fired this week…again

😂😂😂😂