#She doesn't have to choose when she's the author and can write both

[acourtofthought]

In earlier iterations, fated mates often featured scenarios where characters had little say in their relationships, driven by the inexorable pull of destiny. Today, stories increasingly focus on characters who negotiate these cosmic mandates, blending fate with personal agency and ethical considerations. This shift mirrors growing reader preferences for stories that respect individual autonomy while still indulging in the romantic fantasy of destined love.

That sounds a lot like what Sarah said:

“I’m not going to say if I am exploring it in future books or not,” she continues, “but it definitely offers a wealth of things to explore with this concept of freewill and what is true love. Is it something that’s destined? Or is it something that you make? Is it both?”

"stories that respect individual autonomy while STILL indulging in the romantic fantasy of destined love".

It's like peanut butter and chocolate, the best of both worlds.

Sarah writes a more modern take on the fated mates trope than the kind that was first mentioned in the excerpt above, the type where two characters meet, realize they're mates and instantly fall into one another's arms convinced they'll share in true love forever without even needing to have an actual conversation.

Instead Sarah has her FMC, while admitting to feeling an extreme pull to the MMC early on, exercise their agency by not giving into that pull immediately.

Feyre felt a pull to Rhys even UTM, wanted him even UTM but chose to continue her relationship with Tamlin.

Nesta felt a pull to Cassian from the moment she met him but did not fully give into that feeling until almost two years later, after first choosing to explore her sexual interests with others.

Elain felt her bond snap with Lucien immediately but she also chose to fight against the initial draw by trying to return to Graysen then testing the waters elsewhere after his rejection.

It's ok to dislike the fated mates trope overall but this setup is often the new way of things for authors, where mates in almost all cases do end up together only after first proving they still have the agency to decide what they want by rejecting / ignoring their mates in favor of "sowing their oats" elsewhere. The modern take is no longer a FMC becoming a mindless slave to true love the moment her bond snaps and instead demonstrates her ability to still choose outside the bond. However in nearly all scenarios she comes to find that choosing anyone other than her mate just doesn't bring her the same feelings that she has when said mate is around, that she actually likes who her mate is because of who they are and not just what they are to her.

I mean, Fate is Fate in fantasy for a reason and fate often knows best even if it takes the FMC a bit of time to understand why that is.

[jungkoode]

𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐄 𝐔𝐏 | 16

˗ˏˋ choosing yourselfˎˊ˗

"You deserve better than a quickie in a musty bathroom stall, and Jungkook should know that, even when he sounds earnest and literally kisses your shoulder. But whatever, because it doesn't last long—he's back to being an asshole after Jason takes you both home. And then it's time you make a choice for yourself, because you can't allow to second-guess yourself like you've done multiple times in the past."

next | index

⋆｡°✩ chapter details ✩°｡⋆

word count: 9k

content: self-recrimination on a mirror, jungkook being a horny fuck, shoulder kisses, jungkook being irrational and paranoid, jason being a gentleman, coffee date plans, fighting, gyno appointments, yoongi being weirdly supportive and feeling like finally making a choice for yourself.

✧ author's note ✧

HO-HU-HEY.

WELL. Here it is. Chapter 16. The girlies (and the girlies include me) took forever to reach the last goal, so naturally I gave in, lowered the bar, and got my cheeks clapped by the consequences because it took you all of five days. Five. Fucking. Days. I hate you all (affectionately). The bar is going BACK UP and this time I’m standing on business. Don’t test me. (You absolutely can. I’m weak.)

Anyway. Let’s talk about the chapter.

I loved writing this. Like genuinely. As much as I enjoy the pining and the tension and Jungkook being the absolute worst, this one hit different. There are so few stories that actually show characters doing normal life things—especially uterus-having characters dealing with the reality of taking control over their bodies. I wanted to write that. I needed to write that.

But more than the appointment itself, this was about Y/N. About her doing something for herself, on her terms. About taking back agency, making an uncomfortable but important decision because she knows if she walks away from it, she’ll never come back. She’ll spiral, overthink, talk herself out of it. So she does it now. Impulsively, but intentionally. And like... that’s growth, baby. That’s real.

Also?? Yoongi. My beautiful, quiet king. I didn’t know how to write him into this initially but I knew—I knew—he had to be the one who went with her. Because he’s not loud, he’s not overbearing, he doesn’t project his shit onto anyone else. He’s just present. He’s calm. He listens. He helps because he wants to, not because he needs to be thanked or seen for it. I loved deepening their bond this way, giving her a moment of safety that doesn’t come from the people we expect, but from the people who show up. He’s so important in that apartment and I feel like this chapter gave him the spotlight he deserves.

Anyway. I hope you enjoy it. I hope it makes you feel seen. I hope it makes you feel like your choices matter, and your body is yours, and it’s okay to be scared and still do the thing anyway.

Now go comment. I'm watching you. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

⋆｡°✩ read on✩°｡⋆

ao3

wattpad

The thing about standing on business is that it’s a lot harder when Jungkook texts you like that.

Not that it matters. Because you are standing on business. You’re in the bathroom, alone, which is exactly where you should be after dealing with a full thirty-five minutes of Jason’s smooth eye contact, Jimin’s shit-eating grin, and Jungkook’s insufferable, cocky-ass messages.

And before anybody even thinks it—no, you’re not here because of Jungkook.

You’re here because you’re tired. That’s it. Because this damn building is too hot, and your eyes were practically sliding closed during that last poetry discussion. Because you just needed some cold water on your face, a minute to wake yourself up, to breathe.

Not because of his texts.

Not because the way he talks to you does anything.

And definitely not because your thighs were pressed so tight together under that table that even Jason’s deep, articulate voice wasn’t enough to drown out the low thrum that Jungkook might have been right about something.

You glare at your own reflection. Point a silent, accusing finger at yourself.

“Be so fucking for real right now.”

Your reflection does not respond.

You splash more water on your face. Cold, crisp, refreshing. But also kind of not refreshing, because all it does is make you hyper-aware of how warm your skin feels. How annoyingly wired your body is.

You don’t like his dirty talk. You don’t. It’s embarrassing. It’s cringe. It’s the kind of thing that should have you rolling your eyes and shutting your phone off instead of, you know, letting him keep going. Letting him pull you into it.

It’s not arousal, okay?

It’s secondhand embarrassment.

It’s your brain cringing so hard that it doesn’t know what to do with itself, so it misfires and sends weird signals to the rest of your body.

That’s all.

Because you’re not one of those people who fuck in gross library bathrooms. You’re not desperate. You have standards. You deserve better than some icky stall, no matter how kissable someone’s lips are. 

No matter how good their dick game is. 

Or their tongue.

Or mouth. 

Or hands.

You groan. Plant your hands on the edge of the sink and lean in. Stare at yourself, deadpan, through wet lashes.

“You deserve better,” you say flatly, like the universe needs the reminder as much as you do.

The thing is, you’ve always prided yourself on your self-control. On knowing exactly what you want and how to get it without messy entanglements. Feelings complicate things. Feelings lead to expectations, and expectations lead to disappointment, and disappointment leads to that pathetic, hollow ache you've made an art of sidestepping.

And yet.

And yet, there was something about the way Jungkook looked at you in that goddamn laundry room. Something almost… soft. Curious, even. Like he wasn’t seeing you as a sparring partner or a mild inconvenience but as—what? Someone worth watching? You’d laughed at something dumb, something fleeting, and for once, his response hadn’t been smug amusement or provocation. 

It had been real. Bubbly. Almost fond.

Which is, obviously, a problem.

Or at the very least, it’s becoming one.

Because these observations are unwelcome intrusions into what should be a straightforward arrangement. You don’t want to see Jungkook as a person with layers and complexities and actual human qualities. It was much easier when he was just ‘the sexy Pulse stranger with the great arms’ who happened to be excellent in bed. An object of convenient lust and equally convenient disdain.

And now he’s Jungkook. Jungkook, your insufferable roommate. Also Rogue. Also Griffin’s human, also the guy whose vinyl collection is a shrine to John Mayer, for reasons you refuse to unpack.

With each passing day, he trespasses further into familiarity.

And the knowing drapes itself across your sternum like Griffin at dusk—silent, insistent, impossible to ignore.

You exhale. Straighten. Shake it off.

Push the door open.

That’s it.

You’re done. Over it. Whatever.

The door swings open, and you step out, chin high, pulse steady. Or—well. Steady enough.

And then there he is.

Leaning against the wall next to the men’s bathroom like he has all the time in the world. One ankle crossed over the other, hands tucked into the pockets of those stupidly well-fitted jeans. The overhead light casts shadows along his jaw, sharpening the already unfair angles of his face, but the smirk softens them—lazy, knowing.

Roguish.

You almost roll your eyes so hard they might never recover.

“So,” he drawls, tilting his head. “Finally gave in?”

You blink at him. Then, with all the dignity you can muster, you gesture back toward the bathroom door you just exited. 

“Yeah, totally. Gave in so hard I went to the women’s restroom instead of the men’s. I really let you have your way, huh?”

Jungkook chuckles, deep and quiet, like he’s indulging a particularly entertaining child. 

“Could’ve fooled me,” he muses, dark eyes sweeping over you. “Took a while in there. Thought maybe you needed a little extra… motivation.”

Your mouth opens. Closes. Heat flares up your spine because you know exactly what he’s talking about—his texts, the ones you definitely didn’t let affect you, no sir.

And Jungkook knows you know. He always does. Which is exactly why his smirk widens when you scoff, brushing past him like he’s the least interesting thing in this godforsaken building.

He follows, of course. Falls into step beside you, voice dropping just enough to make your stomach tighten. “Bet you thought about it, though.”

Your breath stutters. Just barely. And his grin? That infuriating, cocky thing? It widens.

“You’re annoying,” you inform him, as if he doesn’t already know. 

As if he isn’t enjoying the way your steps falter for half a second, the way your fingers twitch at your sides like they’re itching to grab something—his wrist, his shirt, the stupid gold chain he’s wearing right now—

“Mm.” He makes a sound of mock consideration, eyes flicking down and up, lingering at the hem of your skirt before dragging back to your face. “And yet, here we are. You in my text messages. Me in your head.”

He doesn’t need to specify what part of your head. He’s an asshole, but not an idiot.

You exhale sharply through your nose. “God, you think you’re so slick.”

“I am so slick.”

“You’re the least slick person I know.”

“So how do you explain,” he hums, leaning in just enough for his breath to graze your cheek, “the fact that you keep coming back?”

A muscle in your jaw ticks. Because—because technically, yes, but also, no, because this thing you have? It’s not about coming back. It’s about convenience. About stress relief. About what you both need, when you need it, nothing more.

So you school your face into something unimpressed, flick him a look, and say, “Your dick isn’t that good, Jungkook.”

And fuck.

He laughs.

He full-on, throaty chuckles, low and pleased and—fuck, the way it rolls through his chest, how it practically purrs out of him, like you just told him the funniest joke in the world.

His hand flexes in his pocket, like he’s restraining himself. His teeth catch his bottom lip for a second, his tongue flicking against it as his gaze devours you, and he exhales a slow, amused…

“God, the things you do to me, woman.”

And you shouldn’t feel that in your knees. You shouldn’t feel it in your stomach, in your throat, pooling low and warm and dangerous.

But you do.

And he knows it.

Which is why he takes another step closer, all effortless heat and bad decisions, and murmurs, “Say the word, Phoenix. I’ll take you right back in there. Won’t even lock the door.”

And goddamn it.

You hate him.

So you move. 

Not away from him, exactly, but toward the nearest bookshelf like you suddenly need a distraction. 

A book, a title, any excuse to look busy. 

To look unbothered.

Jungkook follows. Of course he does. He’s right there at your back, trailing you with a slow, measured step like a fucking german shepherd that already knows the outcome. He doesn’t cage you in with his arms, doesn’t press you into the shelves or block your escape.

Doesn’t need to.

Because he’s close. Just enough that when you reach for a random book, you sense him. The heat of him licks at your skin, his presence a weighted thing against your spine. 

You try to ignore it. 

The way he leans, just slightly, the way he tilts his head to let his voice skate over the shell of your ear.

“You’re so mean to me, Phoenix,” he murmurs, and it’s not fair how smooth his voice is. How it drops into something lazy and indulgent, like he’s stretching out the syllables just to see how they sound against your skin. “Act all tough, but I know you. Know what you like.”

Your fingers tighten around the spine of the book. 

Stupid. 

Reckless. 

Should’ve grabbed one with a title that could at least pretend to justify this whole act. Not Introduction to Microeconomics. 

Jungkook exhales a soft laugh, like he can see your poor choice, like he knows. 

“You’re funny,” he muses, and then—because he’s the worst—he dips his head, close enough that his nose nearly brushes the slope of your throat. “But I’m serious. Want you on my lips so bad right now.”

Your pulse slams against your ribs.

“Don’t even need to fuck you,” he goes on, like his own words are making him drunk, like he’s just thinking out loud. “Just wanna drop to my knees, put my mouth on you, make you all messy.”

You swallow. Hard.

“And you’d let me.” He whispers. “Wouldn’t you?”

Your jaw locks. Because fuck him. Because he’s right. 

Because you can already feel it, that slow, humiliating heat coiling low in your stomach, the weight of his words settling between your legs.

And Jungkook knows it. Knows your silence isn’t no. Knows the way your breath hitches, the way your fingers tighten around the stupid fucking book, the way you’re not moving away.

He shifts. Subtle, barely there, just enough for his chest to brush your shoulder. Enough to make your breath catch when his lips ghost over your pulse.

“Wouldn’t even rush it,” he continues, and he sounds wrecked by the idea, voice rough with it. “Would take my time. Make you fall apart real slow.”

You should tell him to shut up. You should shove him off, roll your eyes, something.

But you don’t. Because you hate him. And worse—you want him.

You want him.

It’s a humiliating truth, one that settles in the pit of your stomach like something molten, something that licks up your spine with every exhale he spills against your skin.

His breath hovers, a phantom thing, barely-there warmth that seeps through the fabric of your long sleeve. A cruel contrast—how your body ignites under something so light, how your nerves spark like kindling when he isn’t even touching you properly.

Not yet.

Then—his fingers. 

Slow, deliberate, reaching. Not for your wrist or your waist, not for your throat or your hip—no, that would be too easy. Too expected.

Instead, they find the fabric at your bicep. A simple touch. A barely-there tug.

And then another.

Torturous. Measured.

The sleeve slides down, inch by aching inch, and you know—you know—this is your moment. This is where you shove him off, where you huff and scoff and tell him to fuck off with his slow-burn seduction act.

Except you don’t.

You just stand there, staring at the shelf in front of you, trying not to melt out of the way the air feels against your bare skin. How exposed it is now, how Jungkook’s gaze lands heavy where the fabric used to be.

“Wanna taste you so bad right now, Nix.”

Your other hand finds the bookshelf. Not to grab a book. Not to turn the page on this whole situation.

For balance.

Because your body betrays you, trembles—just slightly, just enough that you can feel it.

And he sees it.

Feels it.

His breath dips lower. Warmer. Until his lips graze the bare curve of your shoulder.

And then he presses in.

A kiss. Featherlight. Barely there.

But devastating, because it cracks through you, sends goosebumps skittering down your arms, shivering at the nape of your neck..

“Ro—”

“I’d seriously drop to my knees right here,” he interrupts, voice quiet but wrecked. “Wouldn’t even think twice.”

Your fingers tighten against the bookshelf.

And then—

“Y/N?”

Jimin’s voice.

You move first. Swift. Normal. Like nothing just happened, like your knees weren’t about to fucking give out. Jungkook straightens, smooth, unhurried, expression lazy and unreadable.

When you turn, Jimin is there, brows furrowed, completely oblivious.

“Hey.” You clear your throat, tilt your head, something, anything to make yourself feel normal again. “What’s up?”

Jungkook stays quiet. But you can feel him. His warmth still lingers. His gaze still burns.

And it’s only when Jimin starts talking—some filler, something meaningless—that you realize your sleeve is still slipped down, fabric bunched at your elbow.

And Jungkook is still looking.

Jason appears before you fully process it, stepping into your periphery with that calm, inquisitive expression of his, eyes skimming over your face like he’s assessing something.

“You good?” His voice is gentle, curiosity laced in his tone.

You nod. “Yeah. Done for the day.”

His eyebrows quirk. Just a fraction. “Oh.”

Jimin, standing a little to the side, shifts his weight. “Do you want me to walk you to your car?”

“Oh, no,” you answer smoothly, already toeing the conversation in a different direction. “I took the bus today.”

Jason hums. “I can take you home if you want.”

And then—movement.

Jungkook. 

Shifting. Sliding in, looping an arm over your shoulders like it’s the most natural thing in the world. His body radiates heat, casual in its weight, but you feel the deliberate nature of it. The timing. The message.

“Sure,” he drawls, voice all syrupy amusement. “Taking us home, Teach?”

You barely resist the urge to elbow him in the ribs, but you do shove his arm off with a sharp shrug, angling an elbow against his side—not forceful enough to hurt, but definitely not subtle.

Jason blinks. “You two live together?”

You don’t hesitate. “Roommates.”

Jason smiles, nodding, like the answer pleases him. “Well, in that case, I’d be glad to.”

You hear Jungkook chuckle behind you.

You flip him off.

But you both start walking.

Jason's car smells like expensive cologne and ambition.

You're sitting shotgun whilst Jungkook's sprawled across the back seat of Jason's immaculate SUV, taking up more space than seems physically possible, one arm slung across the headrest as he stares out the window with half-lidded interest.

The leather beneath you is that specific type of luxury that feels both comfortable and like you shouldn't be allowed to touch it at the same time—and Jason's got one hand on the wheel, the other resting casually on the gearshift, and he's telling you about his dissertation—something about modernist literature and the fragmentation of self-identity in post-war narratives.

It sounds impressive. It probably is impressive. 

You're nodding along, asking questions in the right places, and generally pretending that you're not stupidly aware of Jungkook's reflection in the side mirror, watching.

"What about you, Jungkook?" Jason asks suddenly, eyes flicking to the rearview mirror. "Y/N mentioned you're studying film?"

Jungkook's reflection shifts, his posture straightening just slightly. 

“Yeah," he says, voice easy, unbothered. "Film and Media Studies."

"What year?"

"Dunno," he answers, and you can practically hear the shrug in his voice. "Taking classes from different years. Whatever looks interesting." 

Of course he is. God forbid he follow any sort of structured plan like a normal student.

"Planning to go into academia too, or straight to industry?" Jason continues, clearly trying to make polite conversation despite Jungkook's lackluster responses.

His response is a mere sound in the back of his throat, something between a chuckle and a scoff. Then:  "Industry. Theory's nice and all, but I'd rather be behind a camera than writing about one."

Jason nods thoughtfully. "Smart move. The academic route isn't for everyone. It takes a certain patience. Methodical thinking."

You immediately note how Jungkook's expression shifts—just for a second—into something sharper, more focused.

Then it's gone, replaced by that same lazy half-smile he always wears.

"Yeah," Jungkook drawls, leaning back. "Guess I'm just more of a hands-on learner."

The way he says "hands-on" shouldn't feel loaded. 

It doesn't, really.

Except that your mind immediately flashes to those same hands on your skin, and you have to resist the urge to shift in your seat.

Jason seems oblivious, continuing. "What kind of films are you into?"

"The good ones," Jungkook replies, and you can hear the smirk without even looking.

"That's... vague."

"I'm a visual guy. I like things I can see."

Jason laughs, a polite sound. "Fair enough. Any directors you admire?"

"Too many to list," Jungkook answers, and there's something in his voice now—a subtle tightness, like he's getting bored with the interrogation. "But hey, I'll give you one. Wong Kar-wai. His use of color and the way he frames longing? Unmatched."

You blink, a little surprised. Not by the answer itself—you know Jungkook's capable of actual intellectual thought, even if he pretends otherwise half the time—but by the genuine passion that briefly flares in his voice.

Jason nods, seeming genuinely impressed. "Interesting choice. 'In the Mood for Love' is a masterpiece."

"Yeah, it is." There's a beat, and then Jungkook adds, "What about you? You a film guy?"

"I appreciate it as an art form, but literature's my passion." Jason's hand moves from the gearshift to the steering wheel as he navigates a turn. "Though I teach a module on film adaptations of classic literature occasionally."

"Cool," Jungkook says, in a tone that suggests it's anything but. Then, abruptly changing the subject: "How'd you end up TA-ing for Y/N's class?"

You shoot Jungkook a look through the mirror. 

What is he doing?

"I'm not actually Y/N's TA," Jason clarifies smoothly. "I just run study groups for students across different modules. Help where I can."

"Just out of the goodness of your heart, huh?" 

“Something like that. Plus, it looks good on the CV."

You jump in, trying to steer the conversation back to safer waters. "Jason's been really helpful. I was drowning in all that Sylvia Plath symbolism before today."

"I'm sure he has," Jungkook murmurs, and when you catch his reflection again, his eyes are narrowed slightly, focused on the back of Jason's head.

Then the rest of the ride passes in a…strange, stilted rhythm—Jason asking questions, Jungkook giving just enough of an answer to seem polite before flipping the question back around. 

You filling the gaps with comments and questions of your own, trying to figure out why the air suddenly feels too… saturated?

By the time Jason pulls up to your apartment building, you're exhausted from the mental gymnastics of trying to parse what the fuck is happening.

"Here we are," Jason announces unnecessarily, putting the car in park. "Nice place."

Jungkook's door opens before the words are fully out of Jason's mouth. 

“Thanks for the ride, man," he says, climbing out with easy grace. But instead of heading straight for the building entrance, he pauses, one arm resting on the car roof, waiting.

For you.

Jason turns to you, one hand still on the wheel, the other now resting on the center console. "Listen, Y/N, I was wondering if you'd like to grab coffee sometime?”

He smiles, and you like the way the corner of his lip tugs upward genuinely, a dimple forming on it.

It’s cute.

It’s attractive.

Then he smiles. Gaze briefly flicks to Jungkook, then back to you, whispery. Adds: “Just the two of us, I mean."

Your stomach does a pleasant little flip because—wow. An attractive, intelligent guy who can discuss poetry without making dick jokes? Asking you for coffee? Like a date?

Is this real life?

"I'd like that," you say, smiling.

"How's Saturday? There's a café near campus that does incredible pour-overs."

Shit. Saturday. Jungkook's stupid surprise birthday dinner.

"I actually can't Saturday," you say, genuinely disappointed. "I have this... thing I can't get out of." No way are you telling him it's for Jungkook's birthday. "But maybe Sunday?"

"Sunday works." His hand moves then, fingers wrapping lightly around your wrist. "It's a date, then."

His touch is warm, brief, and makes your chest flutter. 

You nod, gathering your bag. "Thanks again for the ride. And the study help."

"Anytime."

Stepping out of the car, you see Jungkook still standing there, watching. His posture is relaxed, his expression unreadable as he pushes off from where he's been leaning against the car.

You walk over, and together, you head toward the building entrance. Jason's car idles behind you for a moment before pulling away, and only when the sound of his engine fades does Jungkook speak.

"I don't like him."

It's so abrupt, so matter-of-fact, that you almost laugh. 

"Okay? Did I ask?"

Jungkook doesn't respond right away. His lips press together, jaw tightening for a split second as you reach the elevator. He hits the up button with more force than necessary.

"He gives off vibes," he finally says, as the elevator doors slide open.

You step inside, hitting the button for your floor. 

“Vibes," you repeat flatly. "What are you, suddenly psychic or some shit?"

"Don't need to be psychic to see he's fucking weird."

The elevator begins its ascent, and you lean against the wall, eyeing him. 

“English major and almost a professor. Makes sense why you don't fuck with him, don't you think?"

Jungkook's head snaps toward you. "The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Just saying," you shrug, "you're clearly threatened by anyone with a vocabulary that extends beyond 'fuck' and 'vibes.'"

"Oh fuck off," he scoffs. "He's not that impressive."

"More impressive than you pretending to hate classic films to sound edgy."

His eyes narrow. "I never said I hated—"

"Whatever, Rogue. Keep your weird opinions to yourself. I'm going on a coffee date with him Sunday."

"Great," he says flatly. "Have fun with Professor Stick-Up-His-Ass."

The elevator dings. You push past him, digging in your bag for your keys.

"What is your problem?" you demand as you walk down the hallway. "He was perfectly nice. He gave us a ride home. He actually listens when people talk."

"I'm just saying I don't fuck with him."

"And what's that to me? Why do you think I care who you fuck with?"

"Nothing," Jungkook says, fumbling for his keys—so you stop rummaging through your bag. "I'm just stating my opinion. I'm allowed to not like people."

"Yeah, but you're telling me like I should care?" You follow him through the door. "Like your opinion matters to me somehow?"

"No?" He turns to face you. "I'm just fucking saying. That's it."

"Well, don't."

"Don't what? Talk?"

"Don't act like your shitty opinions on my social life matter."

The apartment feels too small suddenly. Like the walls are closing in. 

Why is it so hot in here? Did Yoongi crank the heat again? God, you're going to have another fight about the thermostat after this.

"Look," He sighs exasperatedly, and the sound makes you want to kick him on the shin. "I get it. He's all polished and proper and talks about dead poets with you. Fucking fantastic. I'm just telling you he seems like a fake-ass bitch."

"A fake-ass—what are you even talking about?" Your voice rises because what the actual fuck? "You're literally making shit up. He seems perfectly normal."

"Normal? Did you miss the way he kept cutting me off? Or that weird laugh thing he does?"

"Oh my god." You throw your bag onto the counter. "You're so full of shit. He was trying to keep the conversation going while you gave one-word answers like a sullen teenager."

"Yeah, because he kept asking me the same basic-ass questions like I'm in a job interview or some shit."

"It's called making conversation, dickhead. Something you clearly know nothing about."

Jungkook tosses his keys onto the counter with a clatter. "There's making conversation, and then there's whatever the fuck he was doing. Dude's weird. Period."

"He's weird? That's your whole argument? That's the hill you're choosing to die on?"

"You didn't catch it?" Jungkook looks at you like you're the dense one. "That whole thing about teaching 'occasionally?' The way he kept touching the gearshift? And the fucking wrist grab at the end? So fucking unnecessary.”

"Oh my god." You're actually laughing now, incredulous. "You sound completely unhinged. He barely touched me!"

"It's not about—" Jungkook runs a hand through his hair, frustrated. "It's the pattern, Nix. The whole vibe is off."

"The pattern? The vibe?" You mimic his voice. "Are you listening to yourself? You sound like a conspiracy theorist."

"Fine," he throws his hands up. "You're so fucking right, as always. Go hang out with Captain Control Freak. See if I give a shit."

"Captain Control—what are you even talking about?"

"Nothing. Forget it. Go on your little coffee date with Professor Perfect."

"Why are you being such a dick about this?" Your voice rises, frustration boiling over. "It's just coffee!"

"And I'm just saying he seems like an asshole!" Jungkook's voice matches yours now. "But sure, ignore me. What the fuck do I know, right?"

"Right! What the fuck DO you know? You met him for twenty minutes and suddenly you're an expert?"

"I know enough to spot a fucking red flag when I see one."

"A red flag? Are you kidding me?" You make an incredulous sound. "Because he has a nice car and uses big words? Those aren't red flags, those are called being an adult!"

"No, because he's putting on a whole act!" Jungkook's gesturing wildly now. "The scholarly bullshit, the fake interest, the—"

"Maybe he's actually interested in literature? Have you considered that possibility, genius?"

"Oh, I'm sure he's very interested in 'literature,'" Jungkook makes air quotes. "Along with controlling every fucking conversation and situation."

"You're being ridiculous." You give him a blank stare, accompanied by a chuckle. "Completely ridiculous."

"And you're being naive!" 

"No, I'm being NORMAL!" The word echoes off the kitchen walls. "You're the one having some weird meltdown over nothing!"

"It's not nothing! The dude's giving off major control freak energy and you're too busy swooning over his vocabulary to notice!"

"I am not swooning over anything!" 

"Whatever. You clearly can't see what's right in front of you."

"And you clearly can't handle not being the center of attention for five fucking minutes!"

Jungkook's eyebrows shoot up. "The center of—what? That's what you think this is about?"

"I don't know what it's about! That's my whole point!" You're making no sense!"

"I'm making perfect sense! You're just not listening!"

"Because you're not saying anything worth listening to!"

“Fine! Go ahead. Do whatever the fuck you want. It's your life."

"Yeah, it is my life. And you know what? I WILL do whatever the fuck I want."

"Great! Awesome! Have fun!"

"I will!"

"Good!"

"GOOD!"

You glare at each other, both breathing hard—and Griffin chooses that moment to saunter in, meowing loudly as if to say ‘what the fuck is all this noise about?’

"Your cat wants food," you snap, needing the last word.

"He's not just my cat, he lives here too," Jungkook fires back, because apparently he also needs the last word.

"Then maybe you should focus on feeding him instead of my social life."

"Maybe you should focus on not getting involved with pretentious assholes!"

"I live with one, so I think I can handle it!"

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you too."

You turn away, stomping toward your room. "You're such a jerk."

"And you're a stubborn bitch."

You flip him off without looking back, slamming your door with enough force to rattle the walls. You hear him mutter something through the thin wood—probably another insult—before the sound of cabinets opening and closing tells you he's probably feeding Griffin.

Dropping onto your bed, you stare at the ceiling, trying to make sense of what just happened. 

What the hell was that about? Since when does Jungkook care who you hang out with? And what the fuck was all that ‘vibes’ and ‘energy’ bullshit?

It shouldn't matter. 

It doesn't matter.

Except now there's this annoying doubt in the back of your head. 

Not because Jungkook's right—he's definitely not—but because he seemed so sure. So genuinely worked up about it. 

Not jealous, just... concerned? 

Angry? 

Something.

God, you need to get a grip. This is exactly what happens when you live with people too long. Their crazy starts to sound almost reasonable.

Jason is fine. He's normal. 

Jungkook is the one being insufferable and childish because he can’t stand not being the center of attention for five minutes.

So honestly? 

Fuck him.

You deserve to go on a date with someone who actually listens to what you have to say.

So you will.

And if he wants to whine about it, well. That’s his problem. Not yours. 

Staring at the confirmation email on your phone should not be making your stomach turn like this.

It's just an appointment. A totally normal, adult thing to do that people handle every day without breaking a sweat. Just another checkbox on the grand list of things labeled ‘Taking Care of Your Body’ that you've been putting off for... well, forever.

But there it is: Appointment with Dr. Camila Rivera, Wednesday, 4:45 PM.

You'd done it yesterday night, after the fight with Jungkook, after slamming your bedroom door hard enough to rattle the walls. 

You'd sat on your bed, fuming, and somehow that anger had propelled you toward something productive for once. A quick Google search for ‘gynecologist near me,’ a few clicks, and suddenly you had an appointment.

Easy-peasy. Totally casual.

Except it wasn't. Not really.

Because the truth is, you've never been to a gynecologist before. Not once in your life.

And it's not like you're some kind of prude. You're not. Just ask Jungkook. Or, you know, don't—his ego is inflated enough as it is. But the point stands: you're sexually active. You know your way around a condom. You're not completely clueless.

You're just... inexperienced in certain areas. 

Official areas. 

Medical areas.

Because going to a gynecologist meant telling your parents you needed to go to a gynecologist. Which meant admitting you were having sex. Which meant watching your mother's face crumple into that specific blend of disappointment and judgment she'd perfected over the years. The one that said, ‘I raised you better than this’ without her having to speak a word.

It was easier to just... not go. Stick with condoms. Cross your fingers. Hope for the best.

But things are different now. You're living on your own. Making your own decisions. Sleeping with your insufferable roommate whenever the mood strikes. Planning coffee dates with hot TAs who might—if things go well—become another notch on your metaphorical bedpost.

The thought sends a little thrill through you. 

Jason. With his deep voice and thoughtful gaze and ability to analyze poetry without sounding like a pretentious asshole. Would he be different in bed than Jungkook? Less demanding, maybe. More measured. Or maybe he'd surprise you.

God, when did your brain become so fixated on sex? 

That's what freedom feels like, you tell yourself, stretching your legs out across your bed. It's natural. Healthy, even. You've spent years living under your parents' suffocating expectations—their carefully crafted vision of who you should be, the life you should lead, the choices you should make. Always excelling, always proper, always in control.

Well, fuck that. You're done being controlled.

Hence, the appointment. 

Because if you're going to be sexually liberated (the phrase makes you cringe a little, even though it's just in your head), you should probably be responsible about it. Birth control pills, or maybe an IUD—something more reliable than condoms alone. 

Something that puts you in control of your body, for once.

That's what this is really about, isn't it? Control. Wresting it back from the people who've held it for too long. 

Your parents. Their expectations. Their constant, stifling presence even when they're miles away.

You glance at the time on your phone: 3:32 PM. About an hour before you need to leave.

And suddenly, your chest feels tight. Because while making the appointment had been an act of defiance, of independence—actually going feels different. More real. More intimidating.

You've done your research. Read all the ‘What to expect at your first gynecology appointment’ articles online. You know it will involve questions about your sexual history (complicated), your family medical history (boring), and a physical exam (terrifying).

The problem is, you'd planned to ask Yeji to go with you. She'd been to gynecologists before. She'd know what to expect, how to act, what was normal. But she texted this morning to say she'd caught some stomach bug and could barely make it to the bathroom, let alone across town to a doctor's office.

Which leaves you... alone. 

And you shouldn't need someone to hold your hand through this. You're an adult, for fuck's sake. People do this all the time.

But the anxiety bubbling in your stomach doesn't care about logic. It's there, persistent and nagging, making you wonder if you should just cancel and reschedule for when Yeji's feeling better.

No. That's the old you talking. The you that let other people's expectations dictate your life. You need to do this, and you need to do it today.

But maybe you don't have to do it alone.

Jimin is in class right now. Emma's too far away. 

And you and Jungkook are still not talking.

You glance at your bedroom wall, the one that separates your room from Yoongi's. He's home today—you heard him shuffling around earlier, the familiar sound of his bedroom door closing, his music faintly filtering through the walls.

Yoongi's different from Jungkook. Quieter. More observant. He doesn't waste words or gestures. He doesn't fill silences just to hear himself talk.

Would it be weird to ask him? Probably. But also... maybe not. 

Yoongi has this way of making the strangest things seem normal, simply by refusing to treat them as strange.

Before you can overthink it any further, you're on your feet, moving toward your bedroom door, then to Yoongi's. Your knuckles rap against the wood before your brain can catch up with your body and tell you what a ridiculous idea this is.

There's a pause. Then shuffling. Then Yoongi's voice, slightly muffled: "Yeah?"

You open the door tentatively. Yoongi's seated at his desk, headphones on, one ear now pulled back as he swivels in his chair to face you. His expression is neutral—not annoyed, exactly, but definitely interrupted. Behind him, his computer screen glows with what looks like a complex audio editing program, tracks upon tracks stacked neatly in multicolored rows.

"Hey, sorry to bother you," you start, hovering in the doorway. "I, uh, I was wondering..."

Yoongi blinks at you, his gaze tracking over your face for barely two seconds before his eyes narrow slightly.

"What's wrong?" he asks, and just like that, you hesitate.

Is it that obvious? Do you have ‘first-time gynecologist panic’ stamped on your forehead in neon letters? God, this is embarrassing.

"Nothing's wrong," you say, too quickly. "I just—" You take a breath. "I have a doctor's appointment, and I was supposed to go with Yeji, but she's sick, and—"

"What kind of doctor?" Yoongi's already slipping his headphones off, setting them on his desk.

"Gynecologist," you admit, the word feeling foreign on your tongue. 

You brace for awkwardness, for judgment, for that subtle shift in his expression that says this conversation just got weird.

It doesn't come.

"When's the appointment?" he asks instead, like you just told him you're seeing a dentist.

"Four forty-five."

Yoongi glances at his computer screen, then back at you. A slight furrow appears between his brows—not judgmental, more like he's calculating something.

"Is it your first time?"

Your mouth opens, then closes. 

Is there a neon sign above your head that says ‘VIRGIN TO WOMEN'S HEALTHCARE’ blinking in hot pink? How does everyone just know these things about you?

"Yeah," you admit, heat creeping up your neck. "First time."

Yoongi nods like this confirms a theory. "I can take you."

You blink at him, confused by the easy offer. "You don't have to—"

"I've done it before," he says with a small shrug. "My sisters. Lost count of how many times I've sat in waiting rooms while they got checked out."

"Your sisters?" This is new information. Yoongi has barely mentioned his family in the few weeks you've lived together.

"Two of them," he says, shrugging. “Older and younger. They'd kill me if they knew I was calling them a pain in my ass, but..." A ghost of a smile touches his lips. "Pain in my ass."

"I didn't know you had sisters," you say, still hovering in the doorway, surprised by this glimpse into his life.

"East Village, you said?" He inquires, stretching his arms over his head. "On 14th?"

"Yeah, but—seriously, you don't have to. I can go alone. It's fine."

Yoongi looks at you, really looks at you, his gaze direct but not unkind. "But you don't want to. That's why you're here. Give me ten minutes to finish this section, and we'll go."

The simplicity of it knocks the air from your lungs. 

No questions about why you need to go, why you can't go alone. 

Just acceptance. 

Just help.

"Thanks," you manage, your voice smaller than intended.

Yoongi makes a sound—something between a grunt and a hum—that you interpret as 'you're welcome' before focusing back on his work. You linger for a moment, uncertain, before backing out of the room and gently closing the door.

Fifteen minutes later, you're sitting next to Yoongi in an Uber, your knee bouncing nervously as you watch the city blur past the window. 

You've barely spoken since leaving the apartment, the silence between you not uncomfortable but definitely... present.

"Have you been to this doctor before?" Yoongi asks suddenly, his voice quiet in the confines of the car.

You shake your head. "First time."

"First time ever?"

There's no judgment in his tone, just curiosity, but you still feel a flush creep up your neck. "Yeah. My parents were... strict."

Yoongi nods like this makes perfect sense. "Mine too. Different things, though."

"Like what?"

He shrugs, his shoulder lifting in a smooth, controlled motion. "Music. They wanted the classical route—Juilliard, orchestra, all that. Not producing. Definitely not hip hop."

"But you did it anyway."

A small smile quirks the corner of his mouth. "Eventually. Took a while."

There's more to it, you can tell. You recognize it because it mirrors your own experiences—the rebellion, the constant calculation of how much you can take without being taken from.

"Are your sisters musicians too?" you ask, curious about these siblings he's mentioned.

His eyebrows lift slightly, like he's surprised you're interested enough to ask. "Mina and Soonhee? Nah, they got different rules. Mina's older—she got to do dance, no questions asked. Soonhee's the baby—she's in med school now, but she did competitive cheerleading through high school. I was the only one who got the 'practical career' lectures."

"That's fucked up."

He huffs a laugh, soft and low. "Yeah. Parents, man."

"So how'd you end up being the gynecologist escort service?"

This time, the laugh is fuller, unexpected enough that the driver glances in the rearview mirror. "Soonhee. She was seventeen, terrified of going alone, and didn't want our mom knowing yet. So I took her." He shrugs again. "After that, it was just... normal. Picked her up from appointments sometimes when our parents were working. Drove Mina a few times too."

Something about this image—Yoongi, quiet and steady, sitting in a waiting room while his sisters get their reproductive health sorted—makes your chest warm.

"That's... really nice of you."

"It's not a big deal." He says it so simply, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "That's what family does."

The car slows as you approach your destination, and suddenly the nerves are back, coiling tight in your stomach. 

This is happening. You're really doing this.

Yoongi must sense the shift because he looks at you, his gaze direct but gentle. "They'll ask a lot of questions. Some feel invasive, but they're just doing their job. If you don't know an answer, that's okay. If something feels wrong or hurts too much, speak up. Don't just endure it."

"Okay," you whisper, and for a moment, the two of you just look at each other—you, the girl who's spent her life trying to be perfect, and him, the boy who's learned to create his own definition of it.

The car stops. The driver announces your arrival. Yoongi nods once, decisive.

"Let's go."

The waiting room is exactly what you expected: too-bright lighting, uncomfortable chairs, ancient magazines, and the faint smell of disinfectant.

What you didn't expect is how much calmer you feel with Yoongi beside you, his presence steady as you fill out paperwork on a clipboard.

"Family medical history," you mutter, scanning the form. "Like I'm supposed to know if my great-aunt had ovarian cancer."

"Just write what you know," Yoongi says, not looking up from his phone where he's responding to what looks like a work email. "They mostly want the big stuff."

You nod, focusing back on the form.

Name, date of birth, insurance information (thank god your parents still have you on their plan, even if they'd probably have a collective aneurysm if they knew what you were using it for), medications (none), allergies (none), sexual history...

Your pen hovers over the ‘number of sexual partners’ field.

Two, technically. 

One in freshman year—David, your boyfriend for all of three months, who'd been sweet but forgettable—and now Jungkook, who is... neither of those things.

Not that anyone needs to know about that particular arrangement. 

Especially not Yoongi, who lives with both of you and would make things weird if he knew. 

It's bad enough that he might hear things through the walls sometimes—though you've been careful, for the most part. Extra careful.

Because what you and Rogue have isn't something that needs to be analyzed or discussed or turned into some big thing. It's just sex. Convenient, mind-blowing, occasionally wall-banging sex. No strings, no expectations, no complications.

And honestly, there's something almost thrilling about the secrecy of it all. The way you can brush past Jungkook in the kitchen while Yoongi's there, both of you acting like you didn't have your legs wrapped around his waist twelve hours earlier. 

The control of it. 

The power in knowing something no one else does.

Soon to be three partners, maybe, if things go well with Jason. 

The thought sends an unexpected twinge through you. Not guilt, exactly, but something adjacent to it.

"You know," Yoongi says suddenly, his voice low, "I never asked why you wanted to come here today."

You glance up, surprised. "Isn't it obvious?"

"Sure. But there are lots of reasons people go to gynecologists." His eyes remain on his phone, giving you the space to answer without the weight of his gaze. "Regular check-ups. STI testing. Birth control. Problems."

"All of the above?" you say, aiming for a joke but landing somewhere closer to honesty. "Mostly birth control, though. I've been... thinking about it for a while."

And it’s true, because condoms, while effective, aren't foolproof. 

Not that you're telling Yoongi that you're sleeping with anyone, let alone Jungkook, let alone possibly Jason soon.

Some things are better kept private. Safer that way. No one's business but your own.

Yoongi nods. "Smart."

That's it. No lecture about being careful, no brotherly concern about who you might be sleeping with, no judgment about your choices. Just: smart.

"Thanks," you say, and you mean it for more than just the compliment.

"Soonhee has an IUD," he offers casually. "Says it's been good for her. Less to remember."

You blink, caught off guard by how easily he's discussing this. "I was thinking about that. Or maybe the pill."

"Makes sense." He mumbles, typing into his phone now. "Mina did the implant thing—the arm one? She had mood swings at first, but they evened out."

You're about to ask another question when a nurse calls your name. 

Suddenly, your heart is in your throat again, the clipboard clutched in your sweaty hand.

"You'll be fine," Yoongi says, taking the clipboard from you with gentle fingers. "I'll be right here."

You stand, smoothing down your shirt with shaky hands. "This is weird, right? You barely know me."

Yoongi looks up at you, calm but thoughtful. "Not that weird. We live together. That counts for something."

Something about his words steadies you. 

You've lived with your parents for most of your life—but this is the first time it's felt like more than just sharing space. 

Like there's something about proximity that builds its own kind of trust, its own kind of care.

"Thanks, Yoongi," you say again, meaning it more with each repetition.

He nods once, then returns to his phone, the conversation complete.

As you follow the nurse down the hallway, you realize something surprising: you're glad it's Yoongi out there waiting. Not Yeji, not Jimin, not anyone else.

Just Yoongi—quiet, steady, unfazed by the messiness of being human.

And for the first time since moving in, you think maybe, just maybe, this apartment isn't just a place you live.

Maybe, in some small way, it's becoming home.

Your entire life, you’ve been told what to do with your body.

Stand up straight. Smile more. Don’t eat that. Wear this. Be modest. Be pretty. Be better. Smaller. Quieter. More.

It’s a strange feeling, sitting on the edge of an exam table in a paper gown that crinkles with every breath, realizing that for perhaps the first time, you’re making a decision entirely for yourself. 

About yourself. 

By yourself.

Dr. Rivera is nothing like you imagined. You’d pictured someone older, stern, clinical. Someone who would make you feel childish and naive. 

Instead, she’s maybe mid-thirties, with a warm smile and dark curls pulled back in a bun. She sits on a rolling stool, reviewing your forms, asking questions in a voice that somehow manages to feel both professional and conspiratorial—like you’re both in on something important together.

“So this is your first time seeing a gynecologist?” she asks, looking up from her tablet.

You nod, resisting the urge to cross your arms over your chest, to make yourself smaller under her gaze. “Yeah.”

“Any particular reason you decided to come in now?”

Do you tell her that you’ve been having casual sex with your roommate? That you’re hoping to add a handsome TA to the rotation? That after years of letting other people—parents, professors, partners—dictate what you should do, you’re finally deciding for yourself?

“I want to start birth control,” you say instead, aiming for casual confidence but hearing the slight waver in your voice. “Something reliable.”

She nods, no judgment in her expression. “Have you been thinking about any particular method?”

“I’ve been researching a few. The pill, IUDs…”

“IUDs are excellent long-term options,” she says, setting her tablet aside. “Both hormonal and non-hormonal varieties have their advantages. The hormonal ones can help with period symptoms—lighter bleeding, less cramping. The copper one doesn’t have hormones, so there are no hormonal side effects, but periods can be heavier, especially at first.”

You’ve read all of this online, but somehow hearing it from an actual doctor makes it feel more real. 

More possible.

“How long have you been sexually active?” 

“A few years,” you say, the vagueness intentional. “Not consistently.”

“Using condoms?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Remember that birth control protects against pregnancy, but condoms protect against STIs. It’s always good to use both unless you’re in a mutually monogamous relationship and have both been tested.”

You nod, like a good student receiving familiar information. But inside, something tightens. Because you haven’t been tested. Not really. Just the standard blood work at check-ups. 

Another thing to add to the list of adult responsibilities you’re finally catching up on.

“I’d like to do a pelvic exam and Pap smear today, if that’s okay with you,” Dr. Rivera continues. “It’s recommended for women your age, and it will help us make sure everything looks healthy before we proceed with birth control.”

The exam succeeds.

And in itself it is… well, not pleasant, exactly, but not as terrible as you’d feared. 

Dr. Rivera talks you through each step—the speculum (cold, but not painful), the swabs (quick, a little uncomfortable), the manual exam (weird pressure, but over quickly). 

It’s not dignified, but it’s not humiliating either. Just necessary. Clinical. Part of being a woman with a body that needs maintenance and care.

Afterward, as you sit back up, adjusting the paper gown around your knees, she asks, “So, were you thinking you’d like to start birth control today, or did you want some time to think about options?”

“Today,” you say, the word coming out more confident than you feel. Then, because honesty seems important here: “I’m afraid if I wait, I’ll talk myself out of it.”

Dr. Rivera’s smile is understanding. “That happens more often than you’d think. If you’re interested in an IUD, I could insert one today. We have both hormonal and copper options in stock.”

Your heart jumps a little. You hadn’t expected to actually do this today. You’d thought there would be more steps, more time, more chances to second-guess yourself.

“The copper one,” you say, a decision forming as the words leave your mouth. “I’ve been reading about it. I like that there are no hormones, and that it works right away.”

“The ParaGard,” she nods. “It’s effective for up to twelve years, though you can have it removed anytime. The insertion can be uncomfortable—some women experience cramping during and after the procedure. Are you on your period now?”

You shake your head.

“That’s fine. Some doctors prefer to insert during menstruation because the cervix is naturally a bit more open, but it’s not necessary. We can do it today if you’re sure.”

Are you?

Are you sure you want to make this decision, right now, without more time to think? 

Are you sure you’re ready for this level of control, this level of commitment to your own autonomy?

The voice in your head that prompts those questions sounds suspiciously like your mother’s—whispers that maybe you should wait. Think more. Ask someone else’s opinion. Perhaps this is too rushed, too impulsive.

But then another voice rises—your own voice, tired of being drowned out—saying that you’ve thought enough. 

That waiting is just another form of letting fear make your decisions for you.

That you know what you want. 

“I’m sure,” you say, and the words feel like a declaration of independence.

Dr. Rivera walks you through the procedure, what to expect, potential side effects, when to call if something feels wrong. She’s thorough without being patronizing, clear without being alarming. By the time she leaves to gather the necessary materials, your nervousness has dissipated, and all you’re left feeling is an odd sort of calm.

This is happening. You’re choosing this. For yourself. By yourself.

And then, the actual insertion.

Which, just like the exam, isn’t pleasant. 

There’s pain—sharp, sudden, deep—as the IUD passes through your cervix. A cramping that radiates outward, making you gasp and grip the edges of the exam table. But it’s over faster than you expected, though the cramping lingers.

“You did great,” Dr. Rivera says, stripping off her gloves. “The cramping should ease up in a day or two. Ibuprofen will help. And remember what we discussed about checking the strings, about when to call if something doesn’t feel right.”

You nod, absorbing the information through the haze of discomfort and, oddly enough, a strange sense of triumph. 

Because you did it. You came here, you made a choice, and you followed through. No one told you to. No one had to approve. Just you, deciding what happens to your body.

It’s a small thing, maybe. Basic healthcare that thousands of women access every day. But to you, in this moment, it feels monumental.

“Thank you,” you say, meaning it deeply.

Dr. Rivera smiles, like she understands exactly what you’re thanking her for. 

“Take your time getting dressed. The nurse will bring you some information to take home, and I’ll see you for a follow-up in a few weeks to make sure everything’s settling in well.”

When she leaves, you sit there for a moment longer, one hand resting lightly on your lower abdomen. 

There’s something in there now, something you chose, something working for you without you having to think about it. 

Protection. Freedom. Agency.

It hurts, yes. 

But it’s a hurt with purpose. 

A discomfort you’re enduring for yourself, not for anyone else.

As you dress slowly, careful of the cramping that makes you wince, you think about all the times you’ve twisted yourself into shapes that pleased others. All the choices you’ve surrendered in the name of being good, being agreeable, being what everyone else wanted.

Not this time.

This time, you chose you.

Yoongi doesn’t ask questions when you emerge, moving slightly slower than before, your face a little paler. He just stands, tucks his phone into his pocket, and falls into step beside you as you make your way out of the clinic.

“Need anything?” he asks simply as you wait for the Uber outside.

You consider for a moment. “Ice cream, maybe.”

He nods, like this is the most reasonable request in the world. “There’s a good place three blocks from here. If you’re up for the walk.”

The cramping is uncomfortable but manageable—and your need for something sweet and creamy is too compelling to deny it.

“Yeah,” you say, adjusting your course to fall in beside him. “I’m up for it.”

You can’t help but think how strange really life is.

How you’re walking through the East Village with Yoongi, a copper IUD safely nestled in your uterus, making decisions that have nothing to do with what anyone else thinks you should do.

It feels like freedom. 

It feels like growing up. 

It feels, for the first time in a long while, like your life is actually yours.

Maybe that’s worth a little discomfort.

goal: 300 notes and this time I am not lowering the bar

next | index

⋆｡°✩ taglist✩°｡⋆

@cannotalwaysbenight @livingformintyoongi @itstoastsworld @jimineepaboya @somehowukook @stutixmaru @chloepiccoliniii @kimnamjoonmiddletoe @annyeongbitch7 @jkrailme @rpwprpwprpwprw @mar-lo-pap @jeontae @whothefuckisthishoe @mikrokookiex

© jungkoode 2025 no reposts, translations, or adaptations

[turtle-paced]

Have you ever felt like Martin doesn't like Cersei? The way he writes about her made me question? I mean she is both evil and stupid and it seems like we are supposed to laugh at her.

Cersei is pretty evil, and while I don't believe she's stupid, it's hard not to laugh (incredulously or otherwise) at her many, many bad ideas over the course of the series. Especially in AFFC.

But it's also clear to me that GRRM has compassion for this villain he's created - and that he has right from the start.

Let's put this under a cut for domestic violence and sheer length.

Ned touched her cheek gently. "Has he done this before?" "Once or twice." She shied away from his hand. "Never on the face before. Jaime would have killed him, even if it meant his own life." Cersei looked at him defiantly. "My brother is worth a hundred of your friend." Eddard XII, AGoT

GRRM chooses to frame the pivotal confrontation between Ned and Cersei with the reality of the domestic violence Cersei has experienced. Whatever else happens in that scene, whatever else she's done that might or might not be justified, the author makes sure the reader knows, Ned knows, that Cersei has good reason to hate Robert.

When she hesitated, then sat, Tyrion knew she was lost, despite her loud declaration of, "I will not marry again!" "You will marry and you will breed. Every child you birth makes Stannis more a liar." Their father's eyes seemed to pin her to her chair. Tyrion III, ASoS

This is re-emphasised as Tyrion witnesses Tywin's abuse of Cersei. Even Tyrion, who also has good reason to hate Cersei, cannot help but see how their father completely ignores Cersei's desires, reduces her autonomy to rubble, and above all makes her feel small. This is quite deliberately in Tyrion's PoV to make that dissonance stronger. Cersei is awful, but Tyrion can take no satisfaction in Tywin mistreating her.

Similarly,

His sister sat in a puddle of wine, cradling her son's body. Her gown was torn and stained, her face white as chalk. A thin black dog crept up beside her, sniffing at Joffrey's corpse. "The boy is gone, Cersei," Lord Tywin said. He put his gloved hand on his daughter's shoulder as one of his guardsmen shooed away the dog. "Unhand him now. Let him go." She did not hear. It took two Kingsguard to pry loose her fingers, so the body of King Joffrey Baratheon could slide limp and lifeless to the floor. Tyrion VIII, ASoS

Cersei's grief over watching her son murdered in front of her is a key character moment for her. Is Joffrey a good person? No. Is Cersei's immediate response of demanding Tyrion's arrest a good and just idea? No. Is that grief still real? Absolutely.

It was more than Cersei could stand. I cannot let them see me cry, she thought, when she felt the tears welling in her eyes. She walked past Ser Meryn Trant and out into the back passage. Alone beneath a tallow candle, she allowed herself a shuddering sob, then another. A woman may weep, but not a queen. Cersei III, AFFC

That lasts. It's not healthy but it is genuine. The author isn't putting this in here so we laugh at her. The author is putting this here to help us remember throughout the parade of evil and stupid crap Cersei's about to do that Cersei is a human with human emotions.

And when all that crap has backfired on Cersei, the author makes sure we know that the punishment inflicted on her is not for her sins but instead for her biological sex. He shows her break from that treatment.

Words are wind, she thought, words cannot hurt me. I am beautiful, the most beautiful woman in all Westeros, Jaime says so, Jaime would never lie to me. Even Robert, Robert never loved me, but he saw that I was beautiful, he wanted me. She did not feel beautiful, though. She felt old, used, filthy, ugly. Cersei II, ADWD

The walk of shame is just misogyny, pure and simple, nothing to do with what Cersei's actually done wrong. It is deliberately not karma out to get Cersei. It is deliberately not comeuppance. It is a reminder that Cersei has a point all those times when she points out she's been treated differently because of her sex - even if it's not the whole of the reason people don't respect her.

Even if a reader doesn't think Cersei deserves mercy, even if a reader finds her political bumbling funny, there's a lot around her that shows us that the author wants us to think carefully about what made Cersei both a horrible person and a horrible politician. She is most definitely not there just to be the butt of the author's joke. That's Victarion.

[luvyeni]

HAVING A THREESOME 𖹭 엔하이픈 ( reaction ) !

genre smut 𖹭 warning threesomes , gxg mxm mxf themes, unprotected sex , pegging, sub jake — parings enhypen hyung line x fem reader | back to library .

— how enhypen would feel when you ask them for a threesome.

「 authors note 𖹭 」 my first time writing a enha member as a sub and i'm not mad at it.

﹙ 𐙚 : heeseung﹚ .ᐟ

heeseung is freaky so i think he definitely would be interested in having a threesome; he wouldn't mind having one with a girl but it wouldn't be his first choice , he doesn't really feel all too comfortable with fucking another girl but he's not gonna lie , watching you kiss a girl would be hot , but he definitely doesn't want to kiss her. i think he'd want to fuck you with one of his friends , jake or sunghoon. he want to watch them fuck you , before he does , most likely be into double penetration as well , both of them fucking you at the same time , he just want to show how pretty his girl looks while she's being fucked past her limits by his friend.

"see how pretty she looks when she's cumming , keep fucking her and watch her squirt."

﹙ 𐙚 : jay﹚ .ᐟ

jay would never agree to a threesome, he's way too territorial over you , and he definitely doesn't want to fuck another girl. if you ask him ; he's gonna laugh , thinking you're joking, but when he notices that you're serious his entire faces changes. "you seriously asking me this?" he's pissed off that you would even think about that. "what you want me to fuck another girl , cause that's not happening and if you think im bringing another man in here , like one of my friends you're cute baby but you're as dumb as they come." will end up fucking you right there , face down ass up; showing you that you don't need anyone else in the bed room to pleasure you , make sure you never ask a dumb ass question like that again.

"next time you want me to fuck you dumb just ask , don't ask stupid questions to piss me off."

﹙ 𐙚 : jake﹚ .ᐟ

this mother fucker here , he's down for anything; one of his friends or one of yours he's down either way, jake isn't afraid to admit he'd be down to kiss another dude , like his members , he's also not afraid to admit that he wants to be used by too pretty girls , tie him up and use him , toying and using his cock while he can't do anything but cry and shoot blanks, begging you both to stop even though he doesn't want you too , having you sit on his cock , and the girl sitting on his face , he's in heaven. "let's try something different baby." his eyes widened when you pull out the strapon , he's nervous because he's never had anything up there before but he's such a good boy so he takes it like a champ , he's not gonna lie he did like it more than he thought it would. when he's all gone and fucked out , you let the girl leave and you go take care of your baby.

"i did good right?" "so good baby , you did so good."

﹙ 𐙚 : sunghoon﹚ .ᐟ

he'd say no at first— he likes fucking you and that's it , but of you really want one he might let it go once , but he has to pick who it is— he chooses sunoo , he thinks sunoo would be the perfect person , simply because he know inexperienced sunoo wouldn't fuck you as well as he would and he knew you wouldn't ask again— everyone wins. he'd guide both of you through the entire thing , making sure you both came , showing sunoo how to make you cum , and cum you did. once sunoo left , sunghoon wasn't finished , now he wanted to let you know that it would be the only time someone fucked you besides him , and that no one could fuck you as good as he could.

"he barely made you cum , you see nobody else could make you cum like i can , so don't ask again."

©LUVYENI

[fnfandpicosschoolimagines]

Hello hi! A fluffy request for you :3c

Can I have Pico, Nene, and Darnell (separate) with a highly affectionate s/o? Not even just with physical affection, but with acts of service, verbal affirmations, gift giving, ect. as well. They set out to make sure their partner is spoiled rotten with love.

Take your time! I understand the stresses of writing and it's always more important to care for yourself first. Also feel free to pick and choose whoever you want to focus on if three is too many. Have a good rest of your day! :)

❥ authors note: awww this request it soo cute!!!! and also ty for being so kind i felt so guilty to for doing this a bit late!

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Newgrounds Trio with a Affectionate S/O!

In general they'd all be a bit shocked, but at different levels. They're not used to being so appropriated so having you be the sweetheart you are is really warming to them!

°❀⋆. Nene

She would adore you 10x even more woth your lovable attitude. She just loves being appreciated and loved She CRAVES it!!!

Would love giving you hugs, cuddling with you and just kisses overall when dealing with your physical affection (where my touch starved nene fans at???)

If you give her any gift she's squealing like a high school girl and covering you with kisses, she's not getting off you for a few...hours. And to add a cherry on top she would have the gifts on display in her room, placed neatly and they're all clean af. She don't play when it comes to gifts from her s/o she's treating that stuff like GOLD!!

I feel like I had to acknowledge Nene's suicidal behaviour in Pico's School (i heavily relate to her) but she would def be insecure of her appearance, I just know trust me guys 🗣

If you verbally always reminded her she is loved by you (especially when she's not in the best spirits) she's gonna start sobbing right there :<

And she adores compliments!!! Probably one of the ways to get her to fully blush ;>

She'll try returning the affection by take you places, silly little dates and more!!!

And don't think Darnell and Pico are being left out, no no no. Nene will constantly ramble about you to them 24/7 (it annoys them at times but their both happy that she's found someone who makes her happy)

ه*:･゚ Darnell

Was really thrown off at first, isn't used to be so spoiled with love, probably the only time you could see him flustered.

He'd get all warm and mushy inside if you ever got him a gift, He'd fold instantly >_<

Adores cuddling with you, it really makes him feel so much better when he has his head in your lap and your just gently patting his head (best ways for him to sleep frfr)

I headcanon he gets flustered with large amounts of affection but as much as he tries he genuinely just gets all red and bothered.

With verbal affection? Whooo boy he's a goner. Not really insecure like Nene, he's confident in his looks but there are sometimes where he feel a little..meh.

With you reassuring him and constantly complimenting him he forgets about everything bad happening, your literally his safe space.

He gets a bit clingy to you, he loves the welcoming and loving aura you bring and he doesn't really wanna leave that. Even if it's just for a while.

Wouldn't tell Nene or Pico that much about you.

But they can tell you have that much affect on Darnell with him being much happier since you started dating.

⌖☠︎︎ Pico

The most shocked LMFAOOO

Have you SEEN what this guy went through in Pico's School? Yeah he's not gonna be used to being treated so gently and constantly loved.

He would be a bit stiff when you cuddle at first but other time gets really comfy with you!

And he would come to you whenever he feels down and if you comfort him he just feels so at ease now, he likes how your able to make a comfortable space for him to just let go of it all ;3

Would enjoy getting gifts from you, it means a lot for him and he'll make sure they stay somewhere safe!!

Physical affection? Hell yeah!!!! Another thing that helps him calm down, especially after a tiring long day.

Verbal affection is better, like yes tell him how much you love and appreciate him while you cuddle.

Also won't tell Darnell and Nene about you but wouldn't mind if you wanted to meet them! They'd probably like you.

And they would all repay you by doing the same things you do to them, in their own way ofc ♡

[ice-cream-writes-stuff]

Mite Mischief

《What happens when two entities invite themselves to meet a vigilantes s/o..?》

[1/2]

-

Nite-Mite Ver

"AAAAHHH! Help! It's a giant.. Floating.. Tiny Nightwing?"

You slowly fall to your knees after panicking. Seeing the small fella float close to you, you shrink in on yourself shyly. Watching him float around you, analyzing you...

Meeting you was not what Dyxl expected!

You were strange... Unfamiliar, sure. Nite-Mite knew of Richard Graysons' love interests in the past comic issues or alternative storylines.

Maybe you were a new character implemented by the authors?

"SO..."

"S-so...?"

The small creature sat on the desk chair of your room. Eyeing you carefully. While you sat nervously on your bed, half-expecting to wake up. "You must be the newbie! Or, more so.. For this plot. The love-."

You notice there's a knocking on your bedroom door.

"(Y/N)? Everything okay?" Dick calls out, half-way yawning.

You immediately grab a hold of the small individual, holding him close to your chest as you look for a place to hide him.

"Yeah-! Uhm.. I.. Thought I saw a mouse?"

There was silence from the vigilante, considering your words. "That so'?"

"Mhm, yup. Yes..?" You breathe out, getting closer to the door. Thankful it was locked. The vigilante heard your movements and sighed. "Oh.. Good! W-well, I mean- that you're okay! Not the mouse part."

You laugh it off quietly, agreeing as he finally leaves your door and heads back to his room. You sigh in relief as you slowly sink back to the floor.

You lean back against the door, head banging against as you wince!

"Ouch! That's gotta' hurt.." Your eyes widen as you look down at your small visitor who sat on your lap. Chilling out as if he didn't have a single care in the world.

-

"I think you have the wrong person.." You mumble quietly under your breath. Watching Nite-Mite buzz around your room as he grins at you.

"Nope!"

"But! I'm not exactly his.. Ya' know..?" You make a gesture as your face scrunched up. The words too sour on your tounge.

"Type?"

"Yes! That!"

Dxyl laughed it off. "So what? Sure, many.. And I mean.. MANY! People have fallen for the Grayson Charm, but that doesn't mean he always reciprocates those feelings."

"Then what makes you think -" You're interrupted by the fith dimensional imp. "There's just something un-canny about you. Your presence is there, but no romantic tension? I mean, seriously!"

Nite-Mite snaps his fingers as he shows a built-in board of notes, strings, and photos. Pointing at them as he tries to connect it all together.

You slowly smile, easing into this odd situation. Smiling as he holds up a issue of... Nightwing? Watching him ramble and point to the board, it reminded you of Dick. Who probably fell back asleep, hopefully.

Poof~!

Blinking, your clothes felt heavier as you look down. Dressed in old fashionable garb?! What!

"Though I'm sure whoever Dick chooses is up to him, it's fun to see other routes!"

Nite-Mite had become... Nightwing?

Instead of the usual skin-tight latex suit, the outfit showcased half of his bare-chest as the blue pants and brown boots reminded you of...

"P-pirate?" You laugh a bit, awkward and frazzled by these turn of events.

"Well.. -" Interrupted once again, the door rips open as a handsome young man storms in, his small puppy barked excitedly as she followed close behind. Yet stopped beside Dicks legs, blinking in confusion.

You immediately squeak in suprise. Your face a warm shade of color, too embarrassed to deal with all of these shenanigans so early!

-

[Ta-Da! Hey! Who wants an April fools event?? Also! Thank you for reading, I love Nite-Mite and the art for pirate nightwing. I need more content for both of them.. Please! Tag me if you do! Hopefully I can write a Bat-Mite Ver next! Comments and hearts are appreciated!]

[rxsilabeth--er]

can u write a regulus x male reader about them just being friends (there in the same grade) and up until 6th grade regulus realizes that reader saved him mentally and reader has always been there for him and that reggie is literally in love with him, also regulus and reader kinda have like a Wednesday addams (reggie) and enid sinclair (reader) relationship, thank you ♡

:: You and I, shouldn't feel like a crime..

Now calling....Author: "Hello? Thank you so much for this request, I've been stuck with no idea what to write!! This was so cute and nice to write!!"

Now calling....Synopsis: "To Regulus, when the word 'family' comes it's always been Sirius..But Regulus was never Sirius' family and though hard, Regulus unknowingly moved to find a person of his own."

Now calling....Warnings: "Platonic-romantic mix. Sirius being a pick-me dick, sorry.... Thank you! Bye!!"

"Come on! You have to choose one, you can't like all of them!!" you grumble, drinking your lavender-lemonade softly as Regulus sighed, "don't you think this is a completely dim-witted conversation?" Regulus asked, humming softly as he sipped his own drink.

"HEY! Having a favourite ice-cream bean flavour is completely sharp-minded conversations to bee had!" you huffed, gently pushing his shoulder as you popped another one, grumbling, "mint chocolate"

"Of-course you're criticizing mint chocolate. Childish, don't you think?" Regulus grumbled, "well, chocolate is also no festive magical flavour either" you scoffed, looking down at the many chocolate beans he separated from the jar.

"Okay, rude." he scoffed, but smile nonetheless as you went on, "Oh yeah-! Barty recently decided to give creative license of tattooing to Mary from Gryffindor..-" you went on and on.

Sirius grumbled watching you and Regulus sitting by the Black lake. Him and the marauders watching you two from a bit of distance, he's seen you two hang out far often than he should. From sitting behind in classes, giggling over some old word that doesn't exist and sounds weird in the Potions' textbook.

To you comforting him after a Slytherin loss to you both running around Hogsmeade, well..really, it's you dragging Regulus everywhere. Sirius doesn't know what to think, so he keeps quiet, watching you two.

"That Skeeter girl—? From sixth year?" you said, with a cheeky grin on your lips, "—who runs the school paper? She got into trouble nearly with some teacher—" said, trying to untie our shoe,

"—the teacher today. Apparently, been writing about how they've been sleeping with some staff member" you said as Regulus hummed, "makes sense."

You sigh, removing your boots with your socks and rolling your pants a little bit before moving them into the side of the lake, the mud may be annoying, but who care?

You sigh in slight relief and closed your eyes with how the water feels on your bare-feet, Regulus follows suit with no instructions, as he put his feet in the water, they stuttered with how cold it was, as if debating to stay or get out of there. Regulus didn't really like cold water

Opening your eyes, you noticed, gently holding his feet in your warm hands, "—The season's getting colder already.." you hum with a smile, gently placing his feet in the shallow mud-water, folding the cuffs at the bottom of of his pants for him before gently pushing them deeper in the water as Regulus got used to the coldness.

As you leaned back, putting the jar of ice-cream flavours jelly beans asid, Regulus looked at you, face stoic and cold as always..but he didn't feel alone. Regulus sniffled, admiring your face, he gently squeeze the tip of your nose. Not in the way to trouble you, no, but like one would rather to a child to make them giggle.

"You know for a pathetic excuse of a wizard, you're really nice." he said as you opened your eyes, mouth falling open in slight disbelief and faux betrayal,

"oh come on! I am NOT a 'pathetic excuse of a wizard', I'm fine, thank you very much!" you said as Regulus shrugged, sighing as he leaned his head against yours.

Sirius watches, wanting to interfere. Why is Regulus spending time with someone not from his 'pureblood' circles? His pompous brother,always favoured by brothers and always tried to form 'bonds' with him. Why is he going out of his way to befriend you, someone far too nice?

To Sirius, his brother's refusal to run away with him was enough confirmation that Regulus was willingly choosing to follow his parents instead of being kind...

Sirius almost wants to hex his younger brother...How can someone, in his eyes, someone so stoic, cold-hearted and almost selfish have someone still want to be around him??

But he ignores it, in favor of turning around and smiling at his friends. Their advances back to causing mischievous are far more interesting than how his stupid brother and their pink, ditzy barbie of a friend.

Of-course, hogwarts houses kids, all curious and invasive as some first years, your other friend's little siblings how just always liked you. You just never minded the kiddies, they're all cute anyway.

Running up to you, you open your arm to let them tackle you in a tight, sticky-handed hug, as you fall back into Regulus.

Water sprays as your feet pulls out of the lake, but the kids don't mind as Regulus stares, supporting you but feels warm as the kids wave to him too despite his sorta scary face. He waves back, the kids all talking over each other—

"Will you give us Christmas gifts too?", "My sister is bing mean!", "Can I have your older charms books—?" ,"Mcgonagall is scary—! How do you stay in her class?"

Questions over questions, you have no idea why they swarm you. Regulus knows, but stays quiet, as he pushes back your hair, the kids sitting beside. Thee few who tackles you, basically laying over, sticky hands holding onto robes, though they're warm and smell of home to you.

"Alright, alright-" you huff, trying to stop their never-ending questions as Regulus pulls one of the kid ovr on his side, but despite you trying to stop them, they don't so Regulus speaks—

"Enough."

He said firmly as all the kids shut up, covering their mouth as if a mother yelled at them while they try not to giggle

"Alright, questions and questions. Do you ever need to breathe?" you asked with a exasperated chuckle as the kids grin, shaking their heads. Though most are first years and should be eleven, you've heard some first years could be as young as 8-9 year olds.

You keep things silent, keeping them entertained, with kids beside you and Regulus who also speak up at times without realizing Sirius's ears overhearing all.

That is, until one of the kids speak up. You and Regulus pause and Sirius freezes. Regulus is sent back to last year, his previous year when some kid had asked to borrow his old books he wouldn't need anymore.

Regulus sat near the lake, explaining things to the first year who nodded on what to do during potions, holding Regulus's old books he decided to give away to the kid. Nodding, the kid figured it wouldn't hurt to ask—

"Hey Reggie? How's your family? doing?"

"Hey, Mister Black? How is your family doing?"

Regulus paused, looking up..his hand immediately going to his nape, fiddling with his own hair for some sort of comfort for an answer, his eyes moving to Sirius right besides James, "...Sirius is fine" he said softly, trying not to sound bitter.

Regulus looked up, sighing as he rolled his eyes, "this dim-witted Fyodor philosopher sitting right beside me, so ask them." he scoffed, but a boyish grin on his lips nonetheless. The kids giggle cheekily between themselves as Regulus gently hits the back of your head as you grumble,

"cut it out—!"

you said as he rolled his eyes, but smile and fixing your hair, digging his finger in the hair on the back of your hair, even if h couldn't, he would do it all the time.

He wants to cry, go drown himself, purposefully make mistakes so his so called 'mother' can crucio him so he can at-least have a reason to cry and be mad and bitter..

Regulus almost smiled, leaning close, snuggling his cheek against yours as you hummed, your arm over his shoulder, gently tugging at his ear or a strand of his hair to trouble him, but really you only endear him. Regulus smiled, sun hitting his face. He is happy now.

© This writing work belongs to me, rxsilabeth--er, Aurelia, Rosilabeth, Cerine. Reblogging is appreciated, but plagiarizing or copying my works is forbidden, thank you for reading this and if you like this check out my blog!

[syscest]

Species-affirming cybersex. That is all

that's NOT all because I'm gonna break down these concepts and how they work.

species first. reffing chapter 2 of plural respect, system members have self-perceptions that can differ from the body and don't have to resemble things that exist in the outside world - and a shared understanding of this can help you connect. Nonhuman types often shorthand this as "species" to indicate something left field of human - but it practically encompasses impossible-human stuff like "human with a curse" or "human that's a wizard" and inorganics like "sentient computer virus" or "reanimated skeleton" for most use cases - anything physically impossible enough. if you're into shapeshifter language, you might prefer "form" - same difference.

with that in mind let's talk cybering. Cybersex in most of its forms is collaborative fantasy. You're taking "thinking about a hot thing" and extending it to include someone else over the internet somehow. Though valid barebones sexting can be purely something like discussing physically occurring masturbation, it usually involves constructing a scene of some kind and (though its rarely admitted) you're basically collaboratively writing smut fanfiction about you and your hookup.

I think breaking the "this is weird" glass is critical to engage with this properly and prevent mystifying it. yes you are writing self insert oc fiction with a friend over the internet, yes you're gonna be horny about it. and yes omg you DO get to choose the tense case and perspective you prefer to write in this is huge and nobody says it.

Furry ERP communities (owing to a common layer of seperation between the selves) often use third person language, refer to sonas by name, and put dialogue in quotes: (confused, she pokes her friend's arm. "Hello?" she whispers, "Anyone home?") etc etc, providing a clear seperation between OOC and not. You might find this stiff or impersonal or booky - and there's a tonne of variation you can apply to see if it fixes that:

first-person pronouns: (I poke your arm. "Hello?" I whisper. "Anyone home?")

qualify actions instead of dialogue: ([she pokes her friend's arm] hello? is anyone home?) - this also removes hard OOC separation, enabling chitchat

both: ([I poke your arm] hello? is anyone home?)

both while avoiding self-references where possible: (*pokes your arm* hello? is anyone home?)

So sexting gives you a canvas, and because it's collaborative smut writing, it really doesn't require you to adhere to what regular humans do and look and feel like. You can write directly about your metaphysical forms interacting because you're literally out here playing pretend for fun.

It definitely works for some people and doesn't for others, but don't get caught in "what do I write". you can't focus on cybersex being *good*, focus on silly little whims and suggesting whatever comes to your head - start by finishing the sentence "if I had you in a room right now, I'd __". Its a silly little playpen for exploring eachother's sexuality and relationship to themself, just be nice to eachother and run with it.

And, yknow, affirming? well, as long as you communicate well, take the standard safety measures you would for any kink scene, and understand consent applies just as much when you're acting out text - then you can do/pretend/play/perform all kinds of stuff via text cybersex you can't do in-person. It's a great way to connect with these parts of yourself and resulting tendencies, and acquire stupid fantastical kinks about it. All new weird ways to be found (find yourself?) attractive.

Ok. well. unrelated tangent. you CAN do it in person. invoking weird nonhuman or otherwise metaphysical junk in bed is not strictly typing only - for one you can literally bring your phone TO bed and do mixed-media sex where you get to sext *and* get handsy, but that's not even the point. Sexting might make you a sex-fanfic-author but don't forget you can be a sex-wrestler/sex-theatre-performer too - talk to your hookup about the impossible things you'd like to do, and then do things that physically resemble them and you can both enjoy filling in the blanks. Your brain WILL help, if you're thinking about picking someone up with your tentacles and you use your body's arms, you'll naturally want to move them in a different kind of way, and you'll both pick up on it. The more you engage, the more it comes through in how you move. Hell, you can even check verbally if you're understanding things right - "is that your arm" etc etc. It's a more complicated, subtextual language, but it can be a LOT of fun.

Anyway, species-affirming cybersex :)

[bueckers2fudd]

fluff alphabet |clarisse la rue

author's note: Hi lovelies, please send me requests! I don't know what gave me the confidence to think I can write, probably delusion. Also, this is according to my personal views of Clarisse so don't be mad if it's different from what you've imagined. Leave a comment, I love interacting with people, xx.

warnings: I tried my best to keep it gender/race/cabin neutral for the most part but there are still some feminine coded things here and there. English is not my first language so excuse any grammar mistakes.

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Starting off strong because with Clarisse sparring is a must. Although she doesn't like to think there will ever come a time in which she won't be there to protect you, it's still an essential part of life as a half-blood. And who better to train you than the daughter of war herself? And in case the apprentice becomes the master and you happen to beat her or pin her to the ground or even hold your dagger to her neck? Oh boy, she's done for. Actual heart eyes.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

She pretty much loves everything about you, she can't really just choose one aspect. Though, if she had to, she'd probably say she loves you for being supportive, understanding, and patient with her. You understand her better than anyone. That's what made her know you were the one for her. You can control her anger issues and calm her down when she's on the verge of exploding and she thinks that's beautiful.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc?

The art of intimacy or comfort never came easy to Clarisse. Her relationship with her mother isn't the best and hasn't been for a while now and her father is a grade A asshole. Her first instinct when you're feeling down is to fix it, to ask you who or what happened and give them a physical piece of her mind, but that's not always how it works. She'll pull you to her lap and hold you through the night or for as long as you need, wiping your tears and kissing your cheeks. She'll let you vent your heart out. You can tell her anything. Or nothing, if you prefer. She's not the best with words but her actions speak much louder.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

She's never thought that much ahead if she's being honest. Never allowed herself to daydream too much into the future, choosing to live off the present for now. Sometimes, however, she pictures what could be only described as an utopia; to go on such a fantastical quest that the gods can't help but grant the both of you immortality, that way you'd bask in the glory of your love forever and ever.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

On the outside looking in it would seem Clarisse is the dominant one for sure. And in some ways she is; she likes that you can rely on her, she wants to provide for you, yearns to prove herself capable of such. Still, you're the one in charge. Clarisse is completely devoted to you, and your relationship means more to her than anything she's ever felt before. She cherishes it like no other, always at your beck and call.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Clarisse is intense, that much we know. Her anger runs deep and her passion burns red. She's not perfect, and doesn't try to hide it either. She's hot-tempered, arrogant, she's got a short fuse and she holds grudges. Her fatal flaw is pride, which sometimes gets in the way of her good senses, so you'll most likely be the one apologizing first. Despite all that, she can't bear the thought of you being mad at her and absolutely hates fighting with you. It's like it's tearing her apart, especially if you're sad over something she said or did in the heat of the moment. Truth is, she is a fighter at heart so when all is said and done she'll try and make it up to you in some way, somehow.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

She is so appreciative of everything you do and are. As previously stated, Clarisse didn't get much love growing up so any semblance of that is something she clings hard to. She notices everything, every little thing you do for her and the underlying of your words. How you treat her and others is always stored in the back of her mind and she loves to be loved by you.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Clarisse is a very closed off person in general, she doesn't like feeling exposed and being possibly seen as weak. She'll tell you things but there's still some matters you have to pick up on your own and know how to approach them, especially regarding her feelings and personal struggles. She's very honest though, she feels like she owns you that much and appreciates you if you do the same for her. The more your relationship progresses you'll notice being able to read her like an open book because although she does her very best to hide it there's an underlying vulnerability to her behavior in certain moments you'll take proper notice of the more you know her.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Clarisse has definitely become more gentle since you. It still doesn't extend to your friends and family but more so how she behaves around you and knowing she doesn't have to put up that though front all the time. Her sense of self worth has improved as well, especially when you reassure her through her insecurities and doubts (never being the son her father wanted etc.)

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Oh, boy. Clarisse’s jealousy is very fuelled by… Well, anything really. She doesn't necessarily need a motive to go toe to toe with someone, just staring at you for a second longer than she deems them worthy of and she's ready for a fight. It's hard for anyone to get close enough to flirt with you because she's always there, by your side, kind of like a guard dog. But only because she knows how amazing you are and her insecurities do blurry some lines on what's acceptable. She's working on it though.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Clarisse is definitely a good kisser. She doesn't have much experience, if any, but she's a natural. It sounds cheesy but the first time she kisses you was like butterflies and church bells dancing loudly in the wind. The way she cups your face so uncharacteristically soft and how she breaks off the kiss with a series of small pecks only to smile one of her beautiful smiles so close to each other's faces… Magical. It could be at the fireworks on the fourth of July or it could be in your favorite spot in the woods, soaked in lake water during a midnight swim or after a heated argument. No matter how many times Clarisse kisses you, she'll never not feel electricity similar to her spear’s sharp edge digging into her body and soul.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

Clarisse does not have a clue what she's doing. I feel like she'd say something in the heat of the moment; either confessing her true feelings or masking them by saying something hurtful she doesn't actually mean. In the latter scenario she'd storm off and berate herself over it but her pride and fear that you'd never look at her again made her put off her apology for some time and let it all sink in to talk to you when she's ready. That is until you start properly ignoring her and she nearly goes crazy with longing, just missing your overall presence and having her stomach turn to knots at the way things were left between you two. That's one of the few times Clarisse sucks it up and reaches for you. The apology is awkward but overwhelmingly honest and she tells you she's an idiot but you're content in forgiving her and giving her a second (actual first) chance.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Again, Clarisse never thought she'd live to see the day she'd actually have a marriage prospect. Her life just doesn't seem complete without you anymore and the moment she realizes that she's done for. It would probably be while you're laying in bed together, your head on her chest while you play with her fingers. Your eyes are heavy with sleep but hers are wide open, thinking. “Will you marry me?” said while staring into the distance and you probably think she's joking except Clarisse is not one to joke about that sort of thing. “Not now. But eventually.” and whether you ask if she's serious or just accept it right away, she'd look at you seriously for a beat and then tackle you into a bear hug, crushing you underneath her. She doesn't see the point in a big wedding, but if that's what you're into, she won't mind.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

She is not immune to babe or baby but would still like to keep some variety. Things like sunshine, gorgeous, angel or others (I'm looking at you, person who created the “mama/s” HC). She does like your name very much, or probably a shortened version of it. Don't expect her to not tease you if any of these make you flustered.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Clarisse likes to think she's good at hiding it when she's absolutely not. As Taylor Swift once said, you can hear it in the silence. Just the way her eyes soften when she's looking at you speaks millions, but people also get whiplash at how fast her mean attitude changes whenever you're around. Her love giving languages are probably acts of service and physical touch. She loves to do things for you, feeling all big and mighty whenever she can make your life just a little easier. Touching is also a must but we'll get to that in a second.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Clarisse is not very comfortable with public displays of affection, because she is afraid of being judged or mocked by others for being weak or soft. She prefers to keep her relationship with you private and intimate, but doesn't mind the little things. She does gloat about being with you as well as showing you off, so that everyone on camp knows you're hers. She brags about you all the time and I mean, seriously, all the time. She's not a big hand holder but she almost over compensates by grabbing at your hips and thighs, throwing an arm over your shoulder or hiding her face in your neck. She especially loves bonfires when you sit on her lap and she can hold firmly onto your waist while she's talking to her siblings or just press her forehead against yours when her social battery is low.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

She's very perceptive. She may not know what has changed right away but she's also persistent so she'll figure it out in an instant. If it's the way you did your hair or something that happened along your day, even if you change your usual greeting. She notices and she'll definitely ask you about it.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Clarisse wants to be loved, that's all she’s ever wanted, and she has so much love to give, therefore I believe she'll do just about anything to make you happy. That includes being an absolute sap. She honestly doesn't mind how cliche it is, if it works on you, you bet she's using it. If anyone cares to say anything remotely negative about you or your relationship she will promptly glare them into oblivion or give them something to really worry about.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

She is your absolute biggest supporter. Especially if you don't believe in yourself, then she's trying even harder for you to see just how well you can do something if you put your mind to it. With something like sword training she is more than willing to help you, rewarding you with kisses and cursing you for distracting her with your pretty face.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Clarisse doesn't mind change, she rolls with it. If you have a certain way of doing things, a routine you like to follow, that's fine by her. If you're unpredictable, even better. She just loves to see what comes next in terms of your relationship, not necessarily needing anything to amplify her love for you. It's already hardwired into her.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

She knows you like the back of her hand. Even the slightest furrow of your eyebrows or tilt of your head and she'll be there in a second asking what's wrong. She does learn to be more empathetic towards your own struggles, which was hard at first because she wasn't sure how to see things from someone else's point of view. Though road but you make it work.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

She doesn't have much to look forward to so Clarisse values her relationship with you very highly, as you are one of the few people who can see past her tough and aggressive exterior and appreciate her softer and more vulnerable side. She is fiercely loyal and protective of you, and would do anything to keep you safe and happy.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

I actually read this one on a Wattpad story a while ago so credit to the original creator but, Clarisse has a teddy bear named Mr. Muscles she's had since she was like, nine and she cherishes it like it's her most prized possession. When she introduced this piece of information to you, you just found her so incredibly adorable you couldn't contain the giggles and she gets so hot in the face she pushes you off her bed and it's honestly one of the most memorable moments in your relationship.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

I headcanon Clarisse as your personal furnace as well as a koala bear so kisses and cuddles are a must, especially if it's cold outside. She loves to take naps with you, it gets to the point where she has trouble sleeping without you (so you give her a vial of your perfume to spray on Mr. Muscles for when you're away).

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Clarisse with you: 🥰

Clarisse without you: 😡

She gets snappier than usual and easily annoyed but she'll also get really sad because she's never had to deal with being away from you. Her siblings try to cheer her up by shoving some kid's head into the toilet but she's so disinterested in anything that does not involve you she just goes about her days training until she can see you again and show off her muscles.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

The answer is yes, one hundred percent. “Touch her and you die” trope goes so hard. Not only that but she would willingly sacrifice the world and herself for you and your relationship. She would go out of her way to make sure you are okay, that you are fed and hydrated and well rested, even messing up her own sleeping schedule in order to take better care of you.

[yandere-paramour]

What about them with a darling who is a good researcher?, like anytime one of them mentions something darling is already Googling and looking at multiple articles just cause they LOVE LOVE information but they never get to add anything to the conversation because by the time they've finished scoring an answer or something the convo has moved on from the thing darling researched so now they are just stuck with so many facts lol.

How would the yanderes utilise this skill? Idk I like to think that atalanta and Darling are working together after the trust is there or atas darling is doing her own thing. I hate to see her just be atas shadow.

Darling might be Ata's precious, lovely spouse, but she is in no way Ata's shadow. It's actually a Montclair tradition that, once a new person enters the family, they are supposed to use Montclair money to create something in the city. When Jamie entered the family, he was hesitant, but he started a ballet studio for the children of the city (at least I think that's what it was, I can't remember). Darling will be encouraged to have her own life as long as it is with Atalanta. Darling can start a business, work with charities, take classes, anything she wants to do. With Atalanta Montclair's connections, you can get an exceptional education and become a professor or maybe even a researcher and dedicate yourself to knowledge. The world is your oyster as long as you come home to sleep next to your lovely wife at night.

Online school is really big these days. Noelle's Darling would absolutely be encouraged to go. You don't even have to be working towards a degree if you want, Noelle will pay for as many classes as you want. She loves to see you working and learning and growing as a person. She loves seeing you happy. Once things calm down and she knows you're loyal and yearning to go outside a bit more often, she'll have the bodyguard take you for short outings outside. Maybe you can even take a creative writing class and be an author! You certainly have enough time and she would love to read your work.

Vivien is constantly in awe of you. He doesn't think he's smart at all, but he thinks you're a genius. He appreciates every little fact you choose to share with him and if he knows you would like it, he could share his own facts back to you. He knows quite a bit about chemistry techniques for his little business, along with his extensive knowledge about plants and botany. You both will bond on fact after fact, falling more and more in love as you inform him that cats don't have collarbones and he responds that mushrooms are more genetically similar to animals than plants.

[acourtofthought]

Do you know what they’re saying about their belief that Elain is being forced to be with Lucien and that’s why her story will center on choice to not be with him? It makes no sense to me especially since we’ve seen that Feysand and Nessian in a way, had even less control over their feelings for each other because they didn’t know fate was involved. Elain and Lucien have known about their bond from the very beginning meaning MORE choice. What makes them think Elain has less choice than Feyre or Nesta? What’s their reasoning for hating the Elucien bond, when compared to Feyre and Nesta Elain doesn’t even hate her mate? Feyre and Nesta clearly did hate or at least borderline hated theirs at first.

So when Nesta, word for word said, "I don't know what I want. I didn't have a choice" and when Cassian responded, "Well, I didn't have a choice in being shackled to you, either" they somehow got the impression other pairings had more choice than Elain and Lucien?

The fact is none of them got to choose who their mate was. Not Rhys, not Feyre, not Lucien or Elain. Had Lucien been able to choose he probably would have chosen Jesminda way back when. For Elain it would have been Graysen. Had Rhys gotten to choose my guess is he would have never gone searching in the human lands for his possible mate. For Az? Mor, hands down. Feyre would have wanted Tamlin to be hers in ACOWAR and the start of ACOMAF.

Where is the outrage over lack of support for those pairings? Elain desperately wanted to return to Graysen but I don't think a single person in this fandom was hopeful for their reunion.

The LoA chose to stay with Beron, does that mean we should respect that for her character or are we still allowed to hope that she finds a way to break free from him?

I think Sarah has demonstrated through her writing that "choice" is trash unless it's accompanied by other important factors.

The other sides fixation on choice and choice alone reads a bit like "But Daddy I Love Him." Sure, someone can choose to be with whoever they want but when he turns out to be a lying, cheating, deadbeat who leaves you alone and pregnant at 16 years old you start to realize that maybe there is more to dating than freedom to choose.

I'm not religious (and I know Sarah is Jewish) but Sarah's message seems more "Jesus, Take the Wheel." Where you realize there are times when you have to accept there being forces at work that know a bit more than us. Where even a 500 something year old fae (and especially not a 20 something year old human who doesn't fully understand magic) is still not as wise and all knowing as the creator of all. No, someone doesn't have to like the Fated Mates trope and they can choose not to read it but you can't act like Sarah J Maas feels the same. To her, it is a beautiful thing, to have Fate know better and though her FMCs initially push against their mates in an act of rebellion, after healing and growth they finally see why that person was made in the likeness of the other half of their soul.

"But Sarah wrote some bonds aren't matched!" Yeah, for characters we could not give a shit about. Sorry but does anyone really care that Rhys's dad and mom were a poor fit? They gave us Rhys, right? Nobody is about to wish away his creation which led to his meeting Feyre which led to us reading about all our favorites just because some want to take up the crusade about choice but only for one particular pairing.

As the author, it's as simple as putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) for Elain and Lucien to choose each other in the next book (or the one after). They conveniently forget how Sarah also said, "is it choice? Is it fate? Or is it both?" Feysands romance is wildly celebrated and that romance was clearly "both" since Rhys knew about his bond with Feyre early on and she said her heart knew he belonged to her even before she realized it so why would she want any of her other main characters to have something less than that? Why, when Feysand, Quinlar, Rowealin, and Nessian had Fate and Choice at work in their relationships, wouldn't she want that for Elain / Lucien, Az and possibly Gwyn?

And you're right, Elain and Lucien knowing about their bond gives them more choice than either Feyre or Nesta. All Feyre and Nesta had was the illusion of choice but it was only ever that, an illusion, because they felt drawn to Rhys and Cassian from the start but didn't understand why and falling in love with them was never actually organic because it was the bond tugging them to one another the whole time. At least Elain and Lucien have had the time as individuals to keep their distance and sort through the different emotions they're experiencing, "is this me or is this the bond?" in a way that the other pairings never did.

She's not going to give any of her pairings less than what her other couples have. The only difference is in the angst and tension they experience along the way. For Feysand, it was Rhys who knew about their bond first. For Nessian, they both suspected from the start but didn't really know for sure until they fell in love. For Rowealin, she knew first. For Quinlar, it was something they realized simultaneously after becoming friends then falling in love. And for Elucien, it was something that happened when they were complete strangers locking eyes for the first time.

Choice means nothing when it's clear the FMCs "choice" would be one that holds her back from reaching her full potential and that's exactly what Elain choosing Az would be.

[separatist-apologist]

This … Ferye and Lucien have one of the most realistic friendship and relationship in this books especially knowing their foundation. People are always like Ferye is a bad friend to Lucien or Lucien is a bad friend to Ferye but how about they both had moments where they were bad and good to each other, and that’s okay, sometimes friendships are like that but at the base of it you can tell there is no toxicity.

She ate with that friendship and I think she wants to pull it with Nesta and Azriel but I don’t know if it hits as good.

Also don’t quote me but worst friendship being the batboys😭😂 wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot pole. Also Tamlin and Lucien are pretty close seconds. I don’t think SJM knows how to write male friendships. Power dynamics are always off.

Anon you said the one thing I am always privately ranting about this to @the-lonelybarricade. Lucien saying, "you were always a better friend to me than blah blah blah" is not the author stating it as fact, it is a man riddled with self-loathing and his own failures saying that because he is DROWNING!!! IN!!!! HIS!!!!! GUILT!!!!!!! OVER!!!! THINGS!!!! OUTSIDE!!!! HIS!!!! CONTROL!!!!! what is not CLICKING???? In Acomaf we are LITERALLY in his head via Feyre and she EXPLICITLY tells us all this and then all character analysis flies out the window when it's time to use critical thinking.

He is blaming himself for what happened in Hybern and his inability to stop it!!! For not recognizing what, in retrospect, feels like an obvious trap!! SJM is very much all tell, no show, so I'm not sure why this is always gets pulled out of context to prove Lucien was the better friend.

You're exactly right- they both have intensely shitty moments to one another, coupled with FIERCE loyalty. "Lucien is also Feyre's abuser" SHUT UP. "Feyre was worse than anything Lucien did for making fun of the Boe" SHUT UP. Shes JEALOUS. He's also being ABUSED. Its all he KNOWS, his whole life is dodging and managing being abused.

When Lucien thinks Feyre is being held captive against her will, he TRACKS HER DOWN to try and save her. He BEGS her to come home. And when Lucien realizes Feyre is about to destroy spring, he could have done ANTYHING to stop her. Literally ANYTHING. Tamlin trusts him implicitly- Lucien could have warned him. He literally watches her orchestrate these moments and says nothing.

When he wants to go through Summer vs Autumn for good ass reason, and she explains its too dangerous for her in Summer, he takes her into Autumn despite the inherent risk to himself. Feyre delays her own leaving Spring, when she knows the faebane is about to render her ability to winnow inert, because she realizes Lucien isn't able to free himself from Ianthe and needs her help.

They are complex, their friendship fraught and complicated but they love each other deeply. He didn't leave Spring and Tamlin just for Elain- he left for Feyre, too. He doesn't have to do anything for Rhys's court in order to be near Elain, he chooses to because he also loves Feyre.

[jennysparksandtheauthority]

The fallacy of realism in Life is Strange Double Exposure. Another more or less analytic rant :)

Okay. I lied. This is the real LAST commentary about Deck Nine's fiasco. Or maybe not.

ANYWAY. I'm reading a lot of discourse of how it's realistic that Max and Chloe would break up.

Even the devs have been on Twitter saying the most basic stuff you've heard a thousand times before:

As someone who’s been in a loving, committed relationship for more than a decade (and we met in our early 20s), that shit MAKES NO SENSE FOR PRICEFIELD. Move forward? Yes. Absolutely. But you can move forward with another person. Moving forward doesn't have to mean leaving your partner behind, and certainly not for these two.

Max and Chloe didn’t create a “trauma bond”. People seem to forget they were childhood best friends. They went through trauma together. There’s a difference.

Each time my wife and I went through devastating shit (cause life is a bitch sometimes), I leaned on her, we carried each other. We went through rough days, of course, we fought sometimes, but we grew together. I fell more in love with her seeing her taking decisions, reacting to me, dealing with her own shit, taking care of me when I didn’t have the energy to take care of myself as I would take care of her when the roles were reversed.

Sure, some relationships don’t survive when they go through bad times.

But Max and Chloe? These two literary broke space and time for each other.

Characters have to be profoundly CHANGED at the end of stories for them to be meaningful, for stories to move us. This has been established since we began to tell stories around campfires thousands of years ago. It's been engraved in conventional storytelling even way before Aristotle gave it a name in his Poetics.

At the end of the BAE romantic path, Chloe was ready to die for Max, and for a whole town of people who mostly despised her. She had changed profoundly. She had understood the meaning of love and loyalty and devotion, because Max showed her.

Max was ready to face the consequences of choosing Chloe. She had changed too. She had understood that loving Chloe made her better, braver, determined, that the past was in the past and that she couldn’t keep rewinding. That she had to accept herself, fight back, take ownership of her destiny.

When they left Arcadia Bay they were both devastated, but ready to fight for each other and move on. The Chloe that gave Max that reassuring touch and that loving look at the end of the game would NEVER, under no circumstances, break up with Max by letter saying all kinds of mean shit. This destroys both their characters' arcs from LIS1. It's an unsuccessful, poorly camouflaged reboot.

Maybe if the break up was presented differently it wouldn’t have enraged so many people. Maybe. We’ll never know. I’d still argue that having a path where Chloe is dead, the decision to break them up was absolutely unnecessary. But to have made that decision, and to justify the OOC behavior and the outcome of their relationship by saying “it’s realistic” (some people have taken the devs' discourse to heart) is just ridiculous and dissapointing, and just straight out unprofessional. This kind of revisionism and lack of understanding of the themes and motivations of the first game is truly baffling, so much so it’s hard for me to believe how NO ONE at Deck Nine or Square Enix with some level of responsibility and proper education in media stopped the madness.

Writers choose what to include in a story, meaning they bear responsibility for the narrative choices they make, regardless of whether those choices are realistic. Fiction is an inherently constructed art form. Authors decide what to include, exclude, emphasize, or downplay. Using “realism” as a justification can be seen as a way to avoid responsibility for narrative decisions, especially when those decisions are unpopular or ethically troubling.

This is writing 101, and I can’t believe a supposedly professional game dev studio is acting like children writing their first fics on Wattpad and falling into the realistic fallacy.

In “The Decay of Lying,” Oscar Wilde famously argued that “Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life,” suggesting that art should not be constrained by realism. Another example is the philosopher and literary critic Roland Barthes, who in “The Death of the Author,” argued that the meaning of a text is not determined solely by the author’s intentions, thus challenging the notion that invoking realism absolves a writer of their choices.

They CHOSE to break them up.

They chose to villainize Chloe, the canonically queer, fan-favorite character that was at the heart of the story along with Max. Together.

Crying realism doesn’t make it any less senseless, knowing damn well they knew how it would affect people.

So, Deck Nine, Square Enix: please take some fucking responsibility.

BONUS (Michel Koch ❤️):

[idyllic-affections]

general friendship headcanons (sumeru).

summary. what is it like being friends with some of sumeru's citizens?

trigger & content warnings. brief & hypothetical mentions of people being creepy towards you.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff. alhaitham & reader, collei & reader, cyno & reader, kaveh & reader, nahida & reader, nilou & reader, wanderer & reader, tighnari & reader. 0.9k words. no pronouns for reader.

author's notes. just a lil filler post while i continue working on requests <3 should i make this into a series? i think i will HSKDHDLD sometimes i need things to post in between requests, especially when i get a wave of longer requests.

alhaitham is the kind of friend you can just... sit in the silence with. it's not uncomfortable silence whatsoever—it's, on the contrary, rather comforting and calming. he'll let you sit right up against him if you so please as he reads a book of his. you want to take a nap on him? go for it, he doesn't mind. i like to think that alhaitham finds the weight and pressure to be soothing (neurodivergent alhaitham my beloved...). you want to read your own book? that's fine. maybe you're doing something else—crocheting, knitting, drawing, writing... he really doesn't mind. whatever it is you choose to do, you're welcome to curl up against his side while you do it.

collei is another one you can sit in comforting silence with. she finds it nice just to spend time with her friend! if either of you aren't really interested in doing anything in particular, or if one or both of you aren't feeling great mentally or physically, she's totally cool with sitting in the calm quiet and cloud-gazing together. if you do want to do something, however, she's up for that too! she would also take you on patrol with her, i think, even if you need special accommodations. she'll figure it out. if you want to go with her, she'll find a way c: she's also the kind of friend that would enjoy trading easy & convenient recipes with you.

cyno is definitely the card game friend. you will learn to play tcg. you have no choice. it is your fate. /lh but i also like to think he's a considerably protective friend! he's the one to ask all the questions if you let him know you're planning on going out. he wants to know all the details. are you going with someone? yes? who is it? where are you planning on going? he literally just wants you to be safe, so sometimes it might come off as overbearing or infantilizing, but he really doesn't mean it that way! he genuinely just wouldn't forgive himself if something happened to you that he could have prevented.

kaveh is the kind of friend you could stay up until atrocious hours of the night talking to. also 100% the gossip friend. he'll sit there doing your hair, makeup, nails, or skincare routine—regardless of your gender, whatever you're comfortable with! kaveh genuinely doesn't care as long as you're happy and content—and tell you all of the terrible awful drama he overhears. he's also somewhat protective, but not to cyno's level. he'll inquire about your plans and will then tell you to be safe and have fun! he would feel really bad if something happened, though. really bad. will definitely, 100%, without a doubt tell off any creeps bothering you. he can pretend to be your brother or your boyfriend, whatever you need. he'll do it.

nahida is the therapist friend, in a way. she doesn't completely understand human emotions and thought processes, but she is totally happy to listen to whatever you need to get off your chest! it helps her understand you and other people better, and it (hopefully) helps you feel better. her advice is a little difficult to understand, admittedly... she tries her best though! if you don't understand, feel free to tell her. she'll try to be clearer. it may or may not work, and she has a chance of making her point even more confusing, but she really does try.

nilou is the kind of friend who's happy to do activities with you. she's happy to do anything as long as it's with her friend! she'll take you out to the shopping (only for you two to inevitably return with a ridiculous amount of free gifts for nilou, namely from the grand bazaar vendors...) if you'd like, or she can get you guys tickets to some of her favorite performances! she'd also love to teach you her style of dance if you'd be willing to and are able to learn. if you're not able, though, that's okay! she really doesn't mind. i like to think she'd also be super supportive of you and all your pursuits.

the wanderer is, quite simply, the begrudging friend. he will NOT admit that he cares about you and will claim the exact opposite. he'll say that he absolutely does not care whatsoever (but will then, in the same sentence, berate someone for so much as glancing at you in a way he deems to be wrong). he's a bit emotionally inarticulate—and rightfully so—but he really does care. his ways of showing it are just a little odd and unconventional. he acts like every display of affection ever is such a terrible burden that should not have been put on his shoulders, but secretly really loves holding your hand or giving you a hug. also really likes being held. like. he would die before admitting that but he... he just needs to be held, you know?

tighnari is the kind of friend who tells you all sorts of things—he shares his knowledge so freely with you, it's sort of like a love language. he'll tell you all about the local flora, explaining what plants you could eat in the case of an emergency and what ones you should never even touch. also as his friend you are allowed to touch his ears and tail. imagine habitually fidgeting with them while tighnari doesn't even flinch because, as long as you're always careful and gentle, he trusts you enough for that kind of thing. i bet he is very soft. anyway, i can't explain it, but i just know his hugs are warm and comforting and protective. he definitely gives really good hugs.

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[azaharinflames]

I saw your answer to the fanfiction anon about how the buddie fandom is all about isolating buck from everyone else until the only one that's left is eddie. And thinking back to most of the fanfics I've read, that is exactly what happens. Like the theory that if you isolate two roosters for long enough, at one point they are bound to mate. I believe one of the major reasons behind that is the fact that Buddie only works through the fandom lense but once you broaden your perspective though, you are left with a very ordinary relationship and everytime i see any post by a buddie fan, I have to really wonder if they have ever had friends because if you think that is romantic behaviour, then me and my best friend are practically soulmates bound through the ages (well, we are but not like that). which is probably why it's so hard for the GA - particularly people who are not used to how fandom sees things, to care about buddie. because believe it or not, most people have an eddie in their life. actually most people have someone better than eddie in their life but that is a discussion for another day. raising a kid? my mother's best friend has half raised me even though i have a full set of parents, to the extent that she is still the only one whose approval i need for academic decisions. doing chores? i used to do my best friend's dishes every week because she hated doing them. people thinking they are together? our professor in college genuinely thought we were together and this is back when homosexuality was illegal in my country. shipping is fun, it's cool to find meaning where there might be none. it is death of the author at its finest. but that doesn't mean that you get to burn the book and posit that your version is the only version that's real. be a fan, don't be a white colonizer.

Couldn't agree more, Nonnie!

It sounds bad, and it is not my intention to be mean, but it does feel like a lot of them either lack a deep friendship in their irl life, or they choose not to see the similarities. I spent hours on end next to one of my best friends, helping her with her enrollment in her Master's because it was confusing her. A friend called me when she had something bad happening to her because she felt like I could be the one giving her comfort. One of my best friends had his Dad go through a very bad health crisis, and I spent days by his side so he wouldn't be alone. And, newsflash, I'm not in love with any of them.

When it comes down to it, I think this is why I can't bring myself to ship Buddie anymore, not even in a casual way. It is what stopped me from shipping them that much initially (Tommy coming into our screens was just the nail in the coffin) - I'd read a fanfic, and then go and rewatch the series, and I would realise just 1. how different both things were (yet how it was almost an unsaid rule that fanon was the actual canon) and 2. That Buddie just wasn't there in the way that was pushed in the fandom. All the moments of jealousy they claimed happened? Didn't happen. Buck spending all of his free time with the Diaz boys? Didn't happen. Buck and Eddie being co-dependent to the point everyone teased them about it? Didn't happen.

Their friendship, even? Not even half as good or deep as the fanfics write it to be. But that's a whole other rant lol.

My point is, it's fine to have a world created in fanon. My OTP isn't canon, all of my works exist solely in fanon. And it's fine! But a line is crossed whenever they try to force fanon into canon, and harass everyone who refuses to do that.

Also - I really don't like how they make Buck this defenseless man-child that needs Eddie to fight his battles because everyone is so mean to him, and only Eddie can save him. Bffr. Buck lived on his own for years, was a nomad for years. He's been shown to have a temper if pushed and poked enough. His sunny outer persona distracts people from it, but honestly? Buck can fight his own battles perfectly fine on his own (and has, in fact, done exactly that for the entirety of the show).

[hawthornclangen]

HawthornClan; Moon 1

Author's notes and new character ref under the cut!

TW: blood and cat death (not graphic)

Plumpaw and Hickorypaw are relatively close, being the only apprentices in the clan right now. While Hickorypaw is used to the pressures of being an apprentice - at least he convinces himself he is - Plum is much more callous. She doesn't like to see her best friend pushed like this, she just wants him to be happy.

Plumpaw's method of taking Hickorypaw's mind off of things usually involves sneaking out of camp to do this or that - she knows she can't get him to just sit down and relax, so this is the next best option. And besides - what harm would it do? They're basically warriors already!

Hickorypaw and Plumpaw find a loner wandering the edge of the woods during their non-sanctioned stroll through the territory. The loner has seen something, they both know that; his eyes are hollow and he spooks at shadows. Hickorypaw invites the loner to come to their camp for a meal and conversation.

Morningstar is not happy the apprentices snuck out, and brought a stranger to camp. The loner is sworn to silence about the clan camp's location, and when prompted, chooses to join the clan instead of having to brave the woods again on the way down the mountain. Ebonybramble joins the clan!

Nightfeather is, for once, actually doing his job and foraging for the herbs new-leaf has brought with it. Soon, though, the wind carries the smell of fresh blood and rotting flowers.

Unfortunately, Nightfeather knows the smell all too well by now. His fur spikes and his blood runs ice as he races back to camp, herbs nearly forgotten.

When Nightfeather reaches camp, relief floods his body - the corpse is not that of a clanmate. From the wounds alone he can tell what killed the poor loner is a beast of the Woods.

Froststream and Gorsefire found the freshly killed corpse near the beasts' territory, and brought it to camp for burial. They do not wish for the beasts to feed and grow in their strength.

Nightfeather thinks it might make them a bad cat, but they cannot help but feel relief. Perhaps the loner's blood has sated the beasts for now.

[ Next ]

---

aaand there's the actual first moon! i think i found a format i enjoy doing, with pictures intercepted by bits of writing to flesh out the scenes and characters a little more, though i'd love to hear what you guys think of it :>

here is the ref for ebonybramble! please ignore the fact that i forgot to draw his accessory in the actual moon pic lmao