#Simon Carr

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Chansta's Execution by Simon Carr (@scarrart)

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Adventures in New America Episode 1 - The End Transcript

I'm so miffed there aren't any transcripts for this series, so I made it myself. Some words I couldn't catch so there might be some errors. Please let me know if there's any so I can edit and fix it.

Adventures in New America

Episode 1 - The End

[Intro song jingle]

Narrator : Hello, and welcome to Adventures in New America. Where each week we bring you new tales from the tragic American After.

This week, the first episode of Tetchy Terrorist Vampire Zombies will be coming to you in stereo right after these words from our sponsors.

[End intro jingle]

[Ad jingle, sounds of coins depositing into a jar]

Character 1 : Heya Jim, whatchu doing?

Character 2 : Oh, hey Tom. I’m just throwing away these pennies.

C1: Throwing away money?

C2: I mean what’s the point? Citizens are throwing away money every day when they don’t separate the pre-1982 pennies from the rest of their change.

C1: It’s that bad?

C2: Sure! With inflation the way it is, a 1982 penny is worth three times its face value, but people just keep using them at the stores. Maybe I should be like them and throw away my money.

C1: Stop! There’s a better alternative. Send your change to Clico Metal Retrieval.

C2: Clico Metal Retrieval?

C1: Clico Metal Retrieval. It just makes good sense.

For more information, call us at KL-56120 or write to Clico Care Of: P.O. Box 247, Old New York, New York, 10038.

[Ad’s end jingle]

[Organ’s opening song]

Narrator: If you grew weary of this life and were to leave your dwelling, you would’ve eventually find bumper to bumper traffic, and past all that traffic, past the buildings and the houses, and the farms, you would find a rocky shore, a budding and expansive waters so immense that even disappearing into the horizon, would take the better part of your day.

Beyond the shore, and the great water, there’s a new land. Whose early settlers christened New America in memory of a fabled Land of Plenty.

This land is as large as the great water is deep and as varied as the acidic snowflakes that pelt its mountain ranges. There are people living in deserts and in swamps, in backwater retreats and in cities built on faults that mark where massive tectonic plates meet.

Wind roams across the heartlands, shaping the landscapes, along its people.

It is an accident and a mystery.

Man 1: It’s no good. I’m moist.

Man 2: You’ve got too many layers.

Narrator: Over the coming twelve episodes, our program will focus on the denizens of a cluster of islands on New America’s eastern coast, where a large amount of this nation’s wealth and poverty are concentrated.

These islands are turtles made of stone and on their weary backs rest the hopes and nightmares of a population ravaged by fear.

Man 1: I know I got too many layers. I take it off and what do I do with it huh?

Man 2: Shut up. Can’t we just repaste these posters?

Narrator: Fear has gone hand in hand with New America ever since its final invaders first took a stroll through its virgin forests.

But today, the people are scared of a new peril. Monsters in human form that stalked the night looking for their next meal. A myth for some, and a menace for others.

By day, the city is yours, at night, these streets are owned by the Terrorist Tetchy Vampire Zombies from outer space.

[Woman singing]

Woman: [Singing] As far as I can see, see, they all see me and I’m gone gone gone. See ya fellas.

[Microphone feedbacks]

Woman: Alright, see y’all later.

[The woman laughing and walking and then singing]

Woman: Ooh, a cold one tonight.

[Sound of the men pasting posters]

Man 2: Maybe you can take off your jacket.

Man 1 : I’m taking off my jacket. I’m taking off my jacket. (Said annoyingly)

Man 2: Quiet! You hear that?

Man 3: That’s just the sound of wheat pacing.

Man 2: No, listen.

[Woman singing]

Man 2: A fire in the night. Let’s fly.

Man 1 : Come on, not too fast, I have a fungus on my toes and I can’t cut them. It’s terrible.

[Sound of wings flapping]

[The woman suddenly stopped mid-singing]

Man 2: No, don’t stop. Let that cute little soul of yours rise.

Woman: Excuse me? Man? Sir?

Man 1 : How is it that you people have such big black souls, twice as filling as a white soul, yet look at you, society’s trash.

Woman: Trash?

Man 1: I can already taste the indigestion.

When we eat you, we’ll do the world a favor.

Woman: Eat me? No, no, wait a minute. You sound tetchy.

Man 2: You’ve heard of us then?

Man 1 : Did you hear good things?

Man 3: They always got it wrong.

Woman: Yeah, my momma warned me about you. My poppa did too. See, you never bathed in the light. You’ll never be free. Sugar-free sweet Moses, I can’t let you monsters prey upon good people. I gotta warn them. Tell them you’re real. You boy, stay away from me.

[Sound of bones crunching, the woman groans in pain]

Woman: What’re doing? Get off me. Let me go.

Man 2: Eat the extremities first so that she can live longer. So she could watch.

[The woman is struggling against them, sound of munching]

Men :

-Keep singing.

-Hey, give me back my share of the thigh bone.

[The woman groans and shouts in pain till her last breath]

Narrator : She screams her last softly. A New American dies.

[Sound of a rooster crowing]

Narrator : By day, the horrors of the dark are replaced, swept away by the more ordinary nightmares of our day to day lives. On a different island, the next morning, Ian Alseed (?) Olivier stands astride the busy sidewalk, dressed in his ill-fitting beige guayabera shirt, cargo shorts combo like a party barge that has run out of beer. Tall, but out of shape, overweight, defeated, old beyond his years. He steals a dragon fruit from a sidewalk produce vendor, and tries for the fifth time this week to get arrested.

Vendor : You like that dragon fruit? 3 dollars.

I.A. : I don’t think so. I’m a thief and I’m stealing this dragon fruit and you should call the police.

Vendor: [Laughs] What are you talking about?

I.A. : I’m stealing from you. Look, I’m walking away. Call the police.

Vendor: You paying? You put it back.

I.A. : I told you, I won’t pay. I’m a criminal. I’m a black man.

Vendor: Oh. I see. Are you hungry? Look, just take some fruit, hun.

I.A. : No, no, see, I’m not hungry, I'm a thief. I’m gonna smash all these fruits with my feet. I’m gonna steal your apples, I’m gonna steal your durians if you don’t call the police.

Vendor: Come here honey. That’s right. [The vendor hugs I.A.] Oh, that’s alright, I’m just hugging you, baby.

I.A.: Let go of me. No, I don’t want a hug. I’m a thief. I’m a thief.

Vendor: That's right. 1,2,3. Good boy. That’s right. That’s right.

[Scene changes. I.A. on a stage, talking to the audience]

I.A. : Lights. Hey, what’s up? It’s your boy, I.A. Olivier, and I’m embarrassed to say that was me not too long ago. Couldn’t get arrested to save my life, literally. I can say it now, I was lost. Lost, until the day I met Simon Carr. I can see some of you already know Simon, but if you didn’t clap when I said her name, don’t worry about it. As we all know, ‘clapping is not mandatory’. [Audience repeats this slogan] That’s right, oh yeah.

Now, I want to tell you how I came to Simon.

Back then, I would’ve said my life is a mess, without even realizing that I wasn't truly alive. Crazy, right? I was still trying to get arrested and I thought, I thought this one would work. I wore a sandwich board that said ‘Marijuana & Narcotics 4 Sale Here’ with the numeral 4 as opposed to the word. Carried a bullhorn, went down to the court at Nassau and Liberty street and well, let me just show you.

Lights.

[I.A. on a bullhorn]

Attention society, I am selling illegal marijuana for a fairly decent price and an assortment of other narcotics available for your immediate illicit consumption. Ask me how to take advantage of this splendid offer.

Policeman: Sir, could you take off the sign?

I.A. : Hello, officer. Yes, yes I will. [I.A. turns off his bullhorn]

Policeman: Could you empty your pockets?

I.A. : Yes.

Policeman: Keys and a phone? You don’t have any narcotics do you, sir?

I.A. : No. I am prepared to be arrested. Take me away.

Policeman: Arrested?

[The cop takes away I.A.’s bullhorn and smashes it]

I.A. : Hey, my bullhorn.

Policeman: So you can tell them this dumb shit is some kind of art about Wall Street or whatever? Waste my time again and they won’t find you.

I.A.: I’m sorry.

Policeman: You understand me, professor? They won't find you.

I.A.: I understand.

Policeman: Excellent, have a nice day.

I.A.: Oh, what am I gonna do? If I don’t get arrested soon. I’m gonna die.

[Wheels screeching]

Simon: Move, move, move, move. Watch out!

[I.A. screams]

Man: Damn, they ran right into each other.

Cop?: Stay right there, buddy.

Simon: I’m not resisting.

Old man: That’s him, that stole the console. That little shit. Stole it from my store.

Cop: There are two little shits here, sir. Can you be more specific?

Old man: The fat one did nothing. It was the black girl.

Simon: Hey, nah, nah, nah, nah.

I.A.: I stole it! I stole this... this Playstation. Arrest me.

Cop: You telling me how to do my job?

I.A. : No, I just… See, I was the lookout. And my friend and I-

Simon : I do not know this person.

Old man: He’s lying. The black girl stole it. This fat fuck was just standing there.

Cop: Fat? You think he’s fat?

I.A. : I am a little husky.

Cop: Husky. I would say husky.

Old man: It doesn’t matter how fat he is. Arrest him!

Cop : Hey, you already got one down with that fat remark, keep telling me what to do and I’m gonna arrest you. Got that?

Old man: Always the same. Give them a pat in the back and a participation trophy. Fucking millennials.

Cop: Millennial? I’m Italian you racist fuck!

Old man: What I need to give you for you to do your job, man? Money?

Cop: That’s it. We’re going back to your store to have a discussion about manners.

I.A. : He’s under arrest? But I-

Simon: Officer, sir, can my friend and I go? Do you need us?

[Old man arguing with the cop, resisting]

Cop: No, I got all I need.

Simon: Come on friend, let’s be other wheres.

I.A. : Other wheres? Leave me alone.

Simon : The sun isn’t good for your skin.

Cop: Oh hey, kid.

I.A. : Yeah?

Cop: You're not fat. Alright? You’re fine just the way you are.

I.A.: [To Simon] Hey, let go.

Simon: Use your feet, fool. Bye.

[End scene instrument plays]

Narrator: We’ll be back with more Adventures in New America on the Night Vale Presents Network after these words from our sponsors.

[Ads jingle, coins dropping in a jar]

Father: Well hello there Billy, whatcha doing?

Son: I’m counting all my coins, dad. I want to take Suzy to the VidFlex this Friday.

Father: How much do you think you have?

Son: Oh, about 20 dollars.

Father: Are you sure? Did you check the dates on those coins?

Son: Dates? Why, no, pop. What do you mean?

Father: Look at this cent piece. It’s from before 1982. That’s when they change the metal composition of coins.

Son: And?

Father: And? Why, the metal in this cent piece is worth three times the face value.

Son: Gee, how do I cash it in? Should I melt it?

Father: [Laughs heartily] Oh, no, son, it is a federal offense to melt coins that are still usable as a currency.

Son: Looks like I’m back to 20 dollars.

Father: Not at all. Send your coins to Clico Metal Retrieval and they’ll pay you dollars on the pound for your old currency.

Son: Clico Metal Retrieval?

Father: Clico Metal Retrieval. It just makes good... ‘cents’.

For more information call us at KL56120 or write to Clico Care Of P.O. Box 247 Old New York, New York 10038.

[End of ads jingle]

[Ads jingle]

Mr. Deeds: Hello, are you hungry for something good? Come to the Ambrosia Diner in Red Hook. Want a burger? We have burgers. Grilled cheese, chicken salad, bagels, we have it all. And, while you’re here, why not buy some raffle tickets? They're only a dollar each. And the prizes are out of this world. 200 Coffey Street in Brooklyn by the east river. Can’t make it to the diner? Buy your tickets online on our website ambrosiadiner.net. We can’t send you a slice of

Miss Trixie’s birthday cake online but you can’t have it all. Or can you?

At the Ambrosia Diner.

[Ads end]

Ad notifier: The following is a paid for advertisement from the Church of Children of the Apocalypse.

Man: Are you afraid to walk the streets at night? Do you know someone who has gone missing?

We all do. The police blame recent events on gang violence but more of us are waking up to the truth. Terrorist tetchy vampire zombies. People have witnessed them feeding. There’s evidence at crime scenes. The vampire zombies are real, and the police refused to do anything about it. How long must our children suffer, locked inside our houses? Losing their moms and dads. When will our spineless mayor take action?

These fiends don’t just rob and kill, they destroy the very soul of our city. They drain its life, blood, they eat its brain, they carve and kill and despoil and destroy and what’s worse? They do it with a complete lack of sartorial style.

If you care about the future, join us, The Children of the Apocalypse. Services daily at 106 7th Avenue and remember…

[Ads end]

Narrator: Hello, and welcome to act 2 of tonight’s episode of Adventures in New America.

I.A. and Simon Carr have just met and escaped the law together for the first time.

I.A, wants to go home. But Simon Carr has convinced him to tarry in a Poke Bowl restaurant.

[Simon laughing]

Simon: Okay, I don’t know how you did it. But all I know is I am not under arrest. So, cheers. You saved my life back there.

I.A.: That’s not my fault. I was trying to get arrested.

Simon: How, how's that?

I.A. : I’ve tried everything. I’ve stolen, I’ve rode a motorized bike on the subway. And when I do get caught, nothing comes to it.

Simon: That’s why lunch is on me. I’m hanging with you for the rest of my life. You my good luck charm. The only black man in America who can’t get arrested.

My name is Simon. Simon Carr. Your friendly nebro-hood sociable sociopath. Shake on it, whitey.

I.A. : Whitey? [Coughs] What’re you talking about? I’m not white, I’m black. I mean I’m half white on my father’s side. Creole.

Simon : But in this world, you are whatever color the cops think you are. But cops see you as nothing. Hell, seems everybody sees you as nothing.

I.A. : Excuse me?

Simon: It’s not about race, though. It’s your face. You’re so unremarkable and nondescript. Your presence so anodyne. Your spirit so-

I.A. : Uh, drab?

Simon: Yes, drab. Good word.

Now, I can peep you in size, I know you contain multitudes, but

surface, let’s face it, if you’re a shower, we can nay-nay all day and you ain’t never get wet.

I.A. : Whatever, look, I’m not into meeting new people right now, alright?

Simon: Simmer down. Here comes the waiter.

Waiter: Hello, what can I get you?

I.A. : You, you have burgers?

Waiter: We have poke bowls.

I.A. : What’s a poke bowl?

Waiter: Uh, it’s kind of like sushi but with kale and hotdogs and shit.

I.A. : Yikes.

Simon: We’ll have two poke bowls.

Waiter: What kind?

Simon: Whatever the main one is. The Mario.

Waiter: Great.

I.A. : The Mario?

[The waiter leaves]

Simon: The Italian stereotype from the video games. Big moustache.

I.A.: Yeah.

Simon: The Mario is the first option, the most regular. It’s not Wario, way out there with pineapples and spam. It’s Mario. Straight up the most normal.

I.A.: I hate sushi.

Simon: Okay, let’s try something else. How about, what’s your name?

I.A.: Uh..I.A.

Simon: I.A.? Like initials? What’s that stand for?

I.A. : Just call me I.A..

Simon: I’m gonna call you L.C. (?)

I.A.: [Sighs]

Simon: What’s wrong with you?

I.A.: Nothing. So, you steal things often?

Simon: All the time. That’s my job. I’m a sneakthief. It’s a gas.

I.A.: Well, not for me.

Simon: But you keep stealing anyway.

I.A.: And etcetera.

Simon: To get arrested. Why?

I.A.: [Sighs]

Simon: I gotta go to the room where people go to throw up. While I’m gone, why don’t you sit there and think of what superhero origin story you gonna tell me.

And then we’ll eat our Marios.

Don't leave.

[I.A. listening to the other customers conversation]

Customer 1: I don’t feel like going.

Customer 2: You never feel like going anywhere. What is it? Are you afraid to spend time with me in public?

Customer 1: We’re in public now.

Customer 2: You know what I mean.

Customer 1: This is my only day off. I just want to relax and maybe play video games.

Customer 2: There you go. You'd rather spend time with that Playstation than with me.

Customer 1: It’s an Xbox! You see why I get uncomfortable? You don't know anything about me. I'm just some placeholder husband you could project a life onto.

Simon: Hello?

I.A.: Oh, sorry, sorry. I was eavesdropping on that couple over there.

Simon: Wow, you’re always in the audience.

I.A.: Ugh, what are you talking about?

Simon: You got any friends? You single? Never married? When you meet someone new, do you start making your breakup playlist?

I.A.: Please, stop.

Simon: Cheer up! No escape from me. Tell me what this is all about.

I.A.: Okay. [Clears his throat] I got fired.

[Scene change music]

[In an office]

I.A.: Mr. Chambers, did you move my desk?

Mr. Chambers: I.A. Please, come in.

[Door closes]

As you know, all employees must now belong to our new Focus First Health Care Plan.

I.A.: I opted in for that plan.

Mr. Chambers: Quiet right. They called and you have been deemed ineligible for health care coverage due to a preexisting condition.

I.A.: What preexisting condition? I’m totally fit. I am a little pudgy.

Mr. Chambers: It’s not really my place to discuss your health deficits with you. What your doctor tells me is privileged information. It’s his job to tell you about your cancer. It’s mine to say; since we cannot provide you with health care insurance, we also can no longer employ you. You’re fired.

I.A.: I’m losing my job? I don’t understand. Did you say cancer?

Mr. Chambers: You really should talk to the doctor. Thanks for all your work here. You enjoy the time you have left.

[At the doctor’s office]

I.A.: But doctor, I feel fine. Tired maybe but uh-

Doctor: Yeah, that’s the cancer eating you slow. Fortunately it is a relatively easy tumor to remove if we act fast. It’s not so much a challenging tumor, as expensive. Your insurance will take care of it.

I.A.: I had insurance through my job, which I lost because your screening revealed my tumor.

Doctor: Oh, that’s no problem. We take cash. Should be about 300,000.

I.A.: Dollars? I thought this was a free clinic.

Doctor: Okay. We should operate soon though. You have about six months.

I.A.: I have…[looking through his wallet] 85 dollars.

Doctor: Oh no, I don’t handle the money. I’m the doctor. That would be weird.

I.A.: What happens if I don’t have 300,000 dollars?

Doctor: I would have a stiff drink and figure out how to get it.

[End of doctor’s office scene]

[I.A. sighs]

I.A.: Excuse me, is this a bar?

Bartender: No, it’s the subway platform for the 23. All aboard.

Man: Sherl, turn up the tv.

I.A.: Scotch and water, Neat. No ice.

Bartender: Neat means no ice.

I.A.: I really don’t want ice.

Man: Sherl.

Bartender: I’m coming.

Man: Sherl.

Bartender: I’m coming!

Man: You see this motherfucker on his way to Club Med? And when I die, what, where’s my kid going?

Man 2: You can’t think like that, Charlie.

News reporter: Johnsson was convicted in May of defrauding investors to the tune of 3.7 billion dollars.

Man 1: This prick. He’s gonna get full cable, free gym access and better healthcare for free than what I pay for.

Man 2 : Come on, Charlie, it can’t be that sweet.

Man 1: You know that Polish kid, Carl’s his name. He got two years for beating up his girlfriend’s old man. So, he’s eating one day in the mess and all of the sudden, he’s wigging out, shaking, can’t control his body, collapses on the floor. Turns out he’s got a brain tumor.

Man 2 : I hope he’s okay.

Man 1: He IS okay. Son of a bitch took it out. Free surgery paid for in full by Johnny Taxpayer. Fucker didn't even have any debt. Spends more money at the OTB than I do on rent.

Brain tumor cured, just like that. For free.

Bartender: 10.50, sugar.

[Echoing words: Brain tumor cured, just like that. For free. 10.50, sugar. Tumor cured. For free. For FREE.]

[End scene jingle, then back at the diner]

I.A.: So now, I'm trying to get arrested.

Simon: For free healthcare?

I.A.: Yeah. [While chewing] This poke thing is not that bad.

Simon: That is quite possibly the worst idea I've ever heard ever. How are you gonna get a big enough jail sentence for a long term care pretending you stole a Playstation?

Besides, you will be in prison where you will be a punching bag for some incarcerated monster, fucking your ass and-

I.A.: Please.

Simon: Sucking your titties.

I.A.: Please!

Simon: Look, I’m in a dire straits. Jail is the only place in New America with mandatory healthcare.

Simon: Not all the time, dammit. You gotta advocate for your rights inside. You expect a major jail sentence as a pretend petty thief? Wanna get REAL arrested? Why not get a gun and bankrob a bank?

I.A.: Because I'm against violence. I couldn't, I wouldn’t want to injure someone or cause terror. Maybe I can burn a flag.

Simon: [Gasp] You better not!

I.A.: Why? It’s just some piece of fabric.

Simon: Piece of fabric? How many forefathers and foremommas died, laboring for that piece of fabric? You’re a terrorist. No. Worst, a pacifist. I.A., do you hate New America?

I.A.: No, I do not.

Simon: Say I love New America!

New America.

New America.

I.A.: Sit down. Quite.

Simon: Love it or loathe it, you can never lose it or leave it. Embrace what makes New America great, man.

I.A.: Oh, my god. SIt down. You’re embarrassing me.

Simon: You should be embarrassed. Exploit your freedom, homie. You sittin’ on your ass is like watching Superman not fly. A gift gone wasted. How do you do that, bro? Is it a half-white thing?

I.A.: I wasn’t good at getting arrested. Maybe there’s things some people just can’t do.

Simon: That’s true. I know a dude totally incapable of getting laid. You could stick a splint on his dick, put a write-in (?) and a girl would evaporate as such, so long as it didn’t happen.

I.A.: I, I can get laid.

Simon: But you can’t get arrested.Like a biological immunity. Look at it from the other side. Why stay in your lane? Use your gift.

I.A.: Not being able to get arrested is not the same thing as being good at crime.

Simon: Cards on the table. You saved mine. I save yours. I will raise your 300 grand. All you have to do is follow my lead.

I.A.: Fuck you. You can’t do that.

Simon: No. But together we can. You’re the invincible black man to the cops. That’s the most important position on the team right now. And me? Anything I put my mind to, I can achieve. I just never had a reason to go big before. You’re my reason, I.A..

I.A.: Once again, fuck you.

Simon: That’s no way to say goodbye.

I.A.: I have serious problems, I don’t need this.

Simon: I’m not joking. I’ve got a good feeling about us.

I.A.: Us? Look, I appreciate the offer, but I got a plan. I’ll stick to it.

Simon: Your plan is dumb.

I.A.: But, it’s mine.

Simon: You’ll come around. Let me see your keys.

I.A.: My keys? Why?

[Gunshot]

I.A.: Woah, what the-

Serena: You won’t listen to me? Listen to my big noise. This is a stickup!

Simon: Oh, her.

I.A.: Wait, you know her?

Simon: That’s Serena.

[End jingle]

Narrator: Friends, we’ve reached the end of this week’s Adventure in New America. Will I.A. find a cure for his cancer? Will Simon succeed in exploiting I.A.? And who is Serena?

[emotinalsupportturtle]

my favourite bit of pop culture trivia is that Natalie Holt (composer of the Loki TV soundtrack) threw eggs at Simon Cowell that one time

and she's so proud to hit him not just once but TWICE

bonus: This is the only correct way to respond - propose marriage on the spot (i don't know what I would do if Noel Fielding proposed to me, pass out probably)

[lasaraconor]

[tobybestupid]

Masterlist

★ Also, if requesting please add what gender you would like if it is for NSFW!! (Gender neutral is okay too!)

★ Btw! Please, do not spam like my posts!

★ from this point on, July 20 2024, I will STOP writing for bands. Extremely sorry but it makes me uncomfortable to be writing about real, living people. I will continue to do games however!

★last updated: September 15, 2024★

Before we get into this, info for requests and such!

★ I do nsfw, angst, fluff, ECT.

★ I do NOT allow/do racism, homophobia, rape, icky bodily fluids, anal, beastiality, etc.

★ I will do character x character, character x reader, character x character x reader!

★ hope this makes sense!!

+ if I missed anything I'm so sorry!

----------------★---------------

Bands I do

Guns n Roses

Mötley Crüe

KISS

Hanoi Rocks

Megadeth

(No longer writing bands)

Other

Call of Duty mw2-mw3

Red Dead Redemption 1-2

----------------------★-----------------------

Mötley Crüe

All of them together x reader

Mötley x reader hc's

🖤Nikki Sixx🖤

Sick mötley x reader

Mötley dealing with you being drunk

Taking care of him after tour

Fourth of July with mötley

You pampering mötley

Big ol' crybaby

Doing so good

⛓️Mick Mars⛓️

Sick mötley x reader

Mötley dealing with you being drunk

How to take care of him after tour

Fourth of July with mötley

Please, stay

Bubble bath- with cats?

Peachy Keen

You pampering mötley

Mick Mars x Reader injury (appendix, I think)

NSFW hc's

🌜Vince Neil🌛

Sick mötley x reader

Mötley dealing with you being drunk

Fourth of July with mötley

You pampering mötley

NSFW Alphabet

❤️‍🔥Tommy Lee❤️‍🔥

Sick mötley x reader

Mötley dealing with you being drunk

Fourth of July with mötley

You pampering mötley

You're still beautiful

🥀Terror Twins x Reader💣

Terror Twins x Reader hc's 1

Terror twins x Reader hc's 2

Terror Twins x reader hc's 3

Terror Twins x reader hc's 4

Terror Twins x reader hc's 5

Terror Twins x reader hc's 6

Sick!Terror Twins x reader hc's

My turn

So, so good

Cuddle..sex?

Calm down, ey?

(y'all are so hungry for Terror Twins omg...)

Hanoi Rocks

🌚Razzle🌝

Late night kisses

🕸️Sami Yaffa🕸️

NSFW Alphabet

Such a tease, huh?

KISS

💫Paul Stanley💫

Snow

Guns n Roses

🎩Slash🐍

Do you love me more?

They fell asleep with your kid

❤️Axl Rose💋

They fell asleep with your kid

Axl x Kurt Cobian sister!Reader hc's

NSFW Alphabet

Cold baby?

Bad day?

🎸Duff McKagan🎸

They fell asleep with your kid

🚬Izzy Stradlin🚬

Sick as a dog

Sweetheart

They fell asleep with your kid

🍿Steven Adler🍿

The, fell asleep with your kid

Paradise City

NSFW Alphabet

Megadeth

🍃Dave Mustaine🍃

Your not my baby

Tour rat

NSFW Alphabet

Dating Dave head cannons

Call of Duty (COD)

🦴Alex Keller🦴

Coming soon!!

🖤Simon "ghost" Riley🖤

Reader with sensory issues

💣König💣

Dating him head cannons

Roommate könig

🧼John "Soap" Mactavish🧼

Coming soon!!

🌜Farah Karim🌛

Coming soon!!

🥃John Price🥃

Coming soon!!

🦎Nikto🦎

Red Dead Redemption (2)

Coming soon!!

🦌Arthur Morgan🦌

If they were parents

🦬Charles Smith🦬

If they were parents

🃏Dutch Van Der Linde🃏

If they were parents

🐀Micah Bell🐀

If they were parents 2

🎸Javier Escuella🎸

If they were parents

🐎Kieran Duffy🐎

If they were parents 2

🐺John Marston🐺

Coming soon!!

🖤Jack Marston🖤 (1911)

If they were parents 2

🪶Eagle Flies🪶

Coming soon!!

🍷Molly 0'Shea🍷

If they were parents

🔪Sadie Adler🔪

If they were parents

🪻Abigail Roberts🪻

Coming soon!!

☘️Sean Macguire☘️

If they were parents 2

Character x Character

Coming soon!!

[tygerland]

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy 2011

[gameofthunder66]

The Deuce (2017-2019) tv series

-(finished) watchin' Season 1- 6/25/2024- 3 [1/2] stars- on Max

93% Rotten Tomatoes

[proverbialschoolmarm]

[daddydotissuesatgmaildotcom]

thrilled that jimmy carr finally feels confident enough to live their life as the gender they were always meant to be, lots of love from the lgbtqia+ community!!

[thebookisunfinished]

alright this might be me being delirious but, do you think in ep2 felice forgot her math book on purpose so sara would sit with her and wille could sit with simon?

[kwebtv]

Young Joe, The Forgotten Kennedy - ABC - September 18, 1977

Drama / Biography

Running Time: 100 minutes

Stars:

Peter Strauss as Joe Kennedy Jr.

Barbara Parkins as Vanessa Hunt

Stephen Elliott as Joe Kennedy

Darleen Carr as Kathleen "Kick" Kennedy

Simon Oakland as Delaney

Asher Brauner as Mike Krasna

Lance Kerwin as Joe Jr. (age 14)

Peter Fox as Simpson

Steve Kanaly as Ray Pierce

Robert Englund as Willy

Gloria Stroock as Rose Kennedy

Tara Talboy as Elinor

Ben Fuhrman as Hank Riggs

James Sikking as Commander Devril

Ken Swofford as Greenway

Sam Chew Jr. as Jack Kennedy

Patrick Labyorteaux as Teddy Kennedy

Shane Kerwin as Bobby Kennedy

Margie Zech as Jean Kennedy

Kirsten Larkin as Rosemary Kennedy

Rosanne Covy as Eunice Kennedy

Deirdre Berthrong as Pat Kennedy

Lawrence Driscoll as Anderson

Michael Irving as Billy Harrington

Gardner Hayes as English Major

[yelloworangesoda]

god its like nobody ever takes me seriously when i tell them car accident imagery upsets me. no its fine just say sorry again. ill just go through it again. its fine

[challenge-ant]

viggggoooooooo!!!!!!!!!

[mychameleondays]

Paul Simon: There Goes Rhymin’ Simon

Gatefold

CBS 69035

Released: May 5, 1973

[testoster0ne]

simon and javi by harry carr

[hotvintagepoll]

THE TOURNAMENT IS OVER! Eartha Kitt lounges in her deck chair in the sun, dipping her toes in the pool with Toshiro Mifune and sipping a brightly colored fruity something with an umbrella in it.

Far below in the shadow realm, however, the fallen hotties dance in the dark—let's take a minute to look back at them under the cut.

PRELIM PRETTIES:

Claude Gensac, Silvia Pinal, Ewa Aulin, Rita Tushingham, Annette Funicello, Norma Bengell, Catherine Spaak, Brigitte Auber, Micheline Presle, Nanette Fabray, Libertad Lamarque, Vera Miles, Martha Raye, Catherine McLeod, Virginia Mayo, Elizabeth Allan, Belle Bennet, Virginia Cherill, Mary Brian, Ruth Chatterton, Agnes Ayres, Merna Kennedy, Marie Prevost, Corinne Griffith, May Allison, Virginia Brown Faire, Alice Brady, and Jetta Goudal

ROUND ONE WONDERS:

Angie Dickinson, Thelma Ritter, Geraldine Chaplin, Evelyn Preer, Vanessa Brown, Betty Blythe, Susan Hayward, Mae Clarke, Sally Ann Howes, Ossi Oswalda, Adrienne La Russa, Hermione Gingold, Barbara Bouchet, Melina Mercouri, Anna Karina, Edwige Fenech, Charmian Carr, Pina Pellicer, Marlène Jobert, Tsuru Aoki, Alice Roberts, Leila Hyams, Lady Tsen Mei, Geneviève Bujold, Dolores Hart, Anita Berber, Bonita Granville, Vonetta McGee, Claire Windsor, Zizi Jeanmaire, Tuesday Weld, Grace Darmond, Carol Channing, Deanna Durbin, Laraine Day, Mariette Hartey, Wendy Hiller, Candy Darling, Hermione Baddely, Valeria Creti, Ella Raines, Ann Miller, Dana Wynter, Dalida, Martine Beswick, Gale Storm, Simone Signoret, Cristina Gaioni, Mabel Normand, Stéphane Audran, Ruth Weyher, Anna Wiazemsky, Ann Sheridan, Sandhya Shantaram, Alice White, Anne Francis, Gena Rowlands, Lyda Borelli, May Whitty, Cathleen Nesbitt, Jessica Walter, Virna Lisi, Barbara Shelley, Iris Hall, Heather Angel, Anne Shirley, Joanna Pettet, Virginia O'Brien, Joan Collins, Greer Garson, Gracie Allen, Peggy Ryan, Frances Dee, Shirley Maclaine, Geraldine Farrar, Kathleen Byron, Margaret Hamilton, Eva Gabor, Francesca Bertini, Julie Adams, Olga Baclanova, Misa Uehara, Yvette Vickers, Milena Dravić, Jenny Jugo, Madeleine Carroll, Benita Hume, Olive Borden, Shirley Jones, Miyoshi Umeki, Dorothy Lamour, Gale Sondergaard, Mary Anderson, Charlotte Greenwood, Sybil Seely, Mona Barrie, Kathryn Grayson, Katharine Ross, Madge Bellamy, Rhonda Fleming, Sally Gray, Jana Brejchová, Debra Paget, Madame Sul-Te-Wan, Evelyn Brent, Zelma O'Neal, Marie Laforêt, Türkan Şoray, Beatriz Costa, Irene Zazians, Eleanor Powell, Susan Luckey, Patsy Kelly, Lil Dagover, Norma Talmadge, Dorothy Mackaill, Madge Evans, Virginia McKenna, Amália Rodrigues, Mamie Van Doren, Valerie Hobson, Isabel Jeans, Beata Tyszkiewicz, Claire Luce, Aleksandra Khokhlova, Nieves Navarro Garcia, Janet Leigh, Carmen Miranda, Jean Harlow, Aud Egedge-Nissen, Nina Foch, Jean Simmons, Piper Laurie, Katy Jurado, Jayne Mansfield, Anita Garvin, Frances Farmer, Lizabeth Scott, Joan Greenwood, Una Merkel, Arlene Francis, Ethel Merman, Doris Day, Suzanne Pleshette, Ruta Lee, Carolyn Jones, June Richmond, Eva Nil, Diana Dors, Anna Chang, Colleen Moore, Alexis Smith, Yvette Mimieux, Ruby Keeler, Viola Dana, Dolores Grey, Marie Windsor, Danielle Darieux, Jean Parker, Julie Christie, Acquanetta, Leatrice Joy, Ghita Nørby, Julie Newmar, Joanne Woodward, Sandra Dee, Eva Marie Saint, Simone Simon, Katherine Dunham, Birgitte Price, Lee Grant, Anita Page, Flora Robson, Martha Sleeper, Elsie Ames, Isabel "Coca" Sarli, Glenda Farrell, Kathleen Burke, Linden Travers, Diane Baker, Joan Davis, Joan Leslie, Sylvia Sidney, Marie Dressler, June Lockhart, Emmanuelle Riva, Libertad Leblanc, Susannah Foster, Susan Fleming, Dolores Costello, Ann Smyrner, Luise Rainer, Anna Massey, Evelyn Ankers, Ruth Gordon, Eva Dahlbeck, Ansa Ikonen, Diana Wynyard, Patricia Neal, Etta Lee, Gloria Stuart, Arletty, Dorothy McGuire, Mitzi Gaynor, Gwen Verdon, Maria Schell, Lili Damita, Ethel Moses, Gloria Holden, Kay Thompson, Jeanne Crain, Edna May Oliver, Lili Liliana, Ruth Chatterton, Giulietta Masina, Claire Bloom, Dinah Sheridan, Carroll Baker, Brenda de Banzie, Milú, Hertha Thiele, Hanka Ordonówna, Lillian Roth, Jane Powell, Carol Ohmart, Betty Garrett, Kalina Jędrusik, Edana Romney, Geraldine Fitzgerald, Kay Kendall, Ruth Hussey, Véra Clouzot, Jadwiga Smosarska, Marge Champion, Mary Astor, Ann Harding, María Casares, Maureen O'Sullivan, Mildred Natwick, Michèle Morgan, Romy Schneider, Elisabeth Bergner, Celeste Holm, Betty Hutton, Susan Peters, Mehtab, Leslie Caron, Anna Sten, Janet Munro, Nataša Gollová, Eve Arden, Ida Lupino, Regina Linnanheimo, Sonja Henie, and Terry (what a good girl)

ROUND TWO BEAUTIES:

Evelyn Nesbit, Thelma Todd, Tura Satana, Helen Gibson, Maureen O'Hara, Rocío Dúrcal, Mary Nolan, Lois Maxwell, Maggie Smith, Zulma Faiad, Ursula Andress, Musidora, Delphine Seyrig, Marian Marsh, Leatrice Joy, Sharon Tate, Pina Menichelli, Teresa Wright, Shelley Winters, Lee Remick, Jane Wyman, Martita Hunt, Barbara Bates, Susan Strasberg, Marie Bryant, Diana Rigg, Jane Birkin, Rosalind Russell, Vanessa Redgrave, Brigitte Helm, Gloria Grahame, Rosemary Clooney, Bebe Daniels, Constance Bennett, Lilian Bond, Ann Dvorak, Jeanette Macdonald, Pouri Banayi, Raquel Welch, Vilma Bánky, Dorothy Malone, Olive Thomas, Celia Johnson, Moira Shearer, Priscilla Lane, Dolores del Río, Ann Sothern, Françoise Rosay, June Allyson, Carole Lombard, Jeni Le Gon, Takako Irie, Barbara Steele, Claudette Colbert, Lalita Pawar, Asta Nielsen, Sandra Milo, Maria Montez, Mae West, Alma Rose Aguirre, Bibi Andersson, Joan Blondell, Anne Bancroft, Elsa Lanchester, Nita Naldi, Suchitra Sen, Dorothy Van Engle, Elisabeth Welch, Esther Williams, Loretta Young, Margueritte De La Motte, Ita Rina, Constance Talmadge, Margaret Lockwood, Barbara Bedford, Josette Day, Stefania Sandrelli, Jane Russell, Doris Dowling, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Donna Reed, Ruby Dee, Diana Sands, Billie Burke, Kyōko Kagawa, Françoise Dorléac, Hend Rostom, Monica Vitti, Lilian Harvey, Marjorie Main, Jeanne Moreau, Lola Flores, Ann Blyth, Janet Gaynor, Jennifer Jones, Margaret Sullavan, Sadhana, Ruby Myers, Lotus Long, Honor Blackman, Marsha Hunt, Debbie Reynolds, Michèle Mercier, Irene Dunne, Jean Arthur, Judy Holliday, Tippi Hedren, Susse Wold, Vera-Ellen, Carmelita González, Nargis Dutt, Purnima, Harriet Andersson, Yvonne De Carlo, Miroslava Stern, Sheila Guyse, Helen, Margaret Dumont, Betty Grable, Joan Bennett, Jane Greer, Judith Anderson, Liv Ullman, Vera Zorina, Joan Fontaine, Silvana Mangano, and Lee Ya-Ching

ROUND THREE ELECTRIFIERS:

Jean Hagen, Sumiko Mizukubo, Mary Philbin, Ann-Margret, Margaret Rutherford, Claudia Cardinale, Eleanor Parker, Jessie Matthews, Theresa Harris, Brigitte Bardot, Alla Nazimova, Faye Dunaway, Marion Davies, Anna Magnani, Theda Bara, Myrna Loy, Kay Francis, Fay Wray, Barbra Streisand, Bette Davis, Hideko Takamine, France Nuyen, Claudine Auger, Miriam Hopkins, Maylia Fong, Samia Gamal, Maude Fealy, Machiko Kyō, Sharmila Tagore, Lucille Ball, Ginger Rogers, Juanita Moore, Anna Fougez, Waheeda Rehman, Ruan Lingyu, Nina Mae McKinney, Ethel Waters, Nadira, Olivia de Havilland, Abbey Lincoln, Louise Beavers, Agnes Moorehead, Lana Turner, Norma Shearer, Maria Falconetti, Reiko Sato, Marie Doro, Clara Bow, Margaret Lindsay, Catherine Denueve, Madhabi Mukherjee, Rosaura Revueltas, Hu Die, Mary Pickford, Fredi Washington, Louise Brooks, Leonor Maia, Merle Oberon, Paulette Goddard, Vivien Leigh, Francine Everett, Savitri, Tita Merello, and Meena Kumari

ROUND FOUR STUNNERS:

Judy Garland, Dorothy Dandridge, Yoshiko Yamaguchi, Marilyn Monroe, Irene Papas, Lupe Vélez, Pola Negri, Gene Tierney, Barbara Stanwyck, Gina Lollobrigida, Lena Horne, Nutan, Jean Seberg, Kim Novak, Gladys Cooper, Tallulah Bankhead, Linda Darnell, Julie Andrews, Carmen Sevilla, Gloria Swanson, Glynis Johns, Anne Baxter, Angela Lansbury, Anita Ekberg, Toshia Mori, Deborah Kerr, Hazel Scott, Chelo Alonso, Cyd Charisse, Nancy Kwan, Devika Rani, Shima Iwashita, and Anouk Aimée

ROUND FIVE SMOKESHOWS:

Setsuko Hara, Pearl Bailey, Joan Crawford, Madhubala, Marpessa Dawn, Keiko Awaji, Rita Hayworth, Veronica Lake, Ava Gardner, Greta Garbo, Grace Kelly, Xia Meng, Suraiya, Natalie Wood, María Félix, and Mbissine Thérèse Diop

ROUND SIX SEXY LADIES:

Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren, Vyjyanthimala, Jane Fonda, Katharine Hepburn, Josephine Baker, Elizabeth Taylor, and Ingrid Bergman

QUARTER FINALIST GLAMAZONS:

Audrey Hepburn, Marlene Dietrich, Anna May Wong, and Lauren Bacall

SEMIFINALIST ICONS:

Rita Moreno, Diahann Carroll

FINALIST FABULOSITY:

Hedy Lamarr

ULTIMATE CHAMPION OF THE HOT & VINTAGE MOVIE WOMAN TOURNAMENT:

Eartha Kitt