#Sirius probably has a personality disorder but no one is sure kid is fucked

[ablackmoonrises]

Hogwarts for troubled youth Chapter 1, in which Moony can’t keep a Secret

[Posting here while I’m working on it, I won’t post to Ao3 before I’ve written a couple more chapters and so on] Remus has his DID under control. As long as it’s just him and Moony, they’ll manage, and the Wolf can howl all he wants, it won’t get to Anna.

Sirius knows a thing or two about gaps in memory, but when he falls for the easy-going Moony he’s not sure if he’s prepared to deal with Moony’s moody twin Remus, much less a little girl or a violently self-injurious Wolf.

Meanwhile James just wants to start his transition already, but the autism diagnosis that helped him finally make sense of who he is, now seems to prevent the one thing he wants more than even Lily’s attention: To get on Testosterone.

“I’m not Remus.” The words leave Moony’s mouth before they have a chance to get a hold of them. They tumble out of them, spilling all over the pretty new boy with the long black hair.

“Okay?” Sirius says, a question hidden in the confirmation, and Moony wants to punch themself hard. Instead they flash a bright smile at Sirius.

Moony would have been lying if they said they weren’t interested in the new boy. He was not the typical candidate for Hogwarts, rumour had it his parents were loaded and very much still alive. The pale dark-haired boy seemed intent to blend into the shadows, a silent observer with large grey eyes, following the comings and goings of other children from dark corners.

Moony would catch themself staring, losing track of James’ incessant blabbering, as the new boy – Sirius, Moony would remind themself – made his way to a new corner.

“Well you know..” Moony says, pulling back a bit. “I just like to be called Moony. Sometimes.”

Moony had come into existence again the night prior, casually opening his phone to check his conversation with Remus.

“We got to walk the dog with the new boy tomorrow”, it read, and Moony’s heart had started to race. “If I’m not there.. please don’t fuck it up. He seems cute.”

“That’s cool,” Sirius responds, tilting his head slightly as if trying to figure out why Moony is telling him this. Moony isn’t so sure either. They walk in silence, the big black dog panting at the end of its leash. Sirius’ hand is surprisingly steady as he’s pulled along.

“So… what’s the deal with this place?” Sirius asks finally, after an extended period of silence. “What do they do?”

Moony looks at Sirius and grins, a wicked smile replacing their calm exterior for a moment. “Well – it’s mostly a place to fatten up children before feeding us to the Witch,” they explain.

Sirius looks doubtful. “a Witch?” he asks, as if that’s the part that doesn’t make sense. Moony nods enthusiastically. “Yep! Well.. I believe her official title is doctor of psychology, but I call her the Witchdoctor.”

“And she’s going to eat us?” Sirius is somehow managing to lift one eyebrow, which is impressive and infuriatingly attractive.

“Yeah – just – gobble gobble. It’s a whole thing.” Moony shrugs. “She’s gonna spit ya out again, no worries, but each time she chews out another piece of your soul.”

“Well in that case I guess I won’t stay long, it’s not like I have a soul to begin with,” Sirius says with downcast eyes.

“Well aren’t you the cheerful one..” Moony comments, turning around to walk backwards while talking. “…Anyways, I’m sure you know what this place is on paper?” they ask, and almost trip over a bush. Maybe walking backwards isn’t as elegant a manoeuvre as they had hoped.

“It’s like.. a correctional facility?” Sirius says it like a question. “Like a mix of a boarding school and an orphanage..?”

“Ding ding ding!” Moony says cheerfully. “Less correctional facility, more treatment facility, I suppose?” Moony plasters a wide grin on his face, making sure to edge it far enough to be at least mildly unnerving. “In other words.. It’s a place for crazy people!”

“But I’m not crazy,” Sirius says, sounding surprisingly calm. Most people were more adamant when defending their sanity.

“Well that’s too bad..” Moony sighs. “You know what they say? All the best people are.”

“I’m not crazy…” Sirius repeats, and there’s that delicious level of desperate insecurity that makes Moony feel better about themself. “My family’s crazy though,” he says after a while. “And they’re not exactly good people.”

Moony doesn’t have a good comeback to that, partially because Wolf starts howling in his head, and partially because… well. Dude has a point.

They take the last of the round in silence, and Moony expects that to be the end of it. There’s a weird tension building in the air all the while, and Moony isn’t sure what to make of it. They hand the fluffy therapy dog back to Hagrid, and stand in the cold January weather for a moment, as if sizing each other up.

“…You don’t speak much do you?” Moony says finally, breaking the silence. Sirius shrugs.

“I speak when I have things to say.”

Fuck, this dude’s one-liner game is on point. Moony needs to get their head in the game.

“So… Guess I’ll go back to my room.” Moony says, and something flashes through Sirius’ eyes. The boy looks almost lost for a moment.

“Are you…” Moony begins, but stops themself. Sirius shakes his head, and Moony isn’t sure what they were asking or what Sirius is responding to at this point. This’ll be fun to analyse in the wee hours..

“So if you’re bored, you can come up.” Moony says, surprising even themself. Sirius’ eyes open a tad too much, before he schools his expression back into something more neutral.

“Sure.”

Moony shares their room with a depressed gremlin, a little girl and a rampaging Wolf. Usually they would have taken this under consideration and not have invited a total stranger, but apparently it’s just one of those days. And hey! Remus did tell Moony to be nice, or something to that effect.

To his credit, Sirius does not comment on the crayons littering the floor, nor the general state of disarray in Moony and Company’s room. Moony shoves some school papers off the bed, and gestures for Sirius to take a seat.

“So uh,, are you a tea drinker?” Moony asks lamely, feeling suddenly incredibly awkward about the presence of the posh boy in his crappy room.

“Why not,” Sirius answers fluidly, and god damn it, why is this motherfucker being so smooth all of a sudden? Moony nods and turns to the small kitchen in the other end of the room. They’re quiet while the water comes to a boil, partially because Moony honestly thinks there’s a special place in hell reserved for people who try to have conversation over the sound of a kettle. Like, who even does that?

As a result the silence is long and sticky, and Moony’s brain is working on overdrive. They can feel Sirius’ eyes on their back as they pour the water into two teacups. Moony takes a deep breath before turning around. They place the two cups on the bedside table, and stand awkwardly hovering for a moment, before slamming their ass down into the bed.

-say something- flashes through Moony’s mind. -you invited him here – say something –

Moony regrets not offering Sirius something stronger than tea, to loosen the mood, but then, they don’t want to risk getting in trouble. And who knows if they can trust this new boy yet.

“Why do you prefer Moony?” Sirius asks, slicing through the silence with precision. Moony startles. Damn, that’s right, he told Sirius that.

“I just.. sometimes Moony feels more right.” They say, it’s not a lie, not exactly. “I mean.. Moony is like..” they stop. “It’s just a joke since Remus Lupin sounds pretty fucking lunar, and I am a lunatic, so..” Moony laughs, half-lies flowing easily from their tongue. Okay, so Moony doesn’t usually go around claiming their own name, since everyone hear knows them all as Remus, but so what? No harm, no foul.

Moony is desperate to not be Remus.

“You keep referencing being insane,” Sirius says. “What’s that all about?”

Direct. Moony can appreciate that. But then, most people don’t ask and for a moment Moony is struggling.

“Oh you know.. the usual. When I was in the loony bin they called me loony loopy lupin, if that tells you anything..” they laugh. “You know, just… I have….” They stop, biting their lip for a second, feeling suddenly unsure how to proceed. Only James and some staff knows about their DID, and Remus is going to kill them all if Moony lets it slip to this practical stranger.

Maybe it’s Sirius’ calm inquisitory gaze. Maybe it’s the joint Moony smoked before going on their walk. Maybe … Just maybe.. Moony is getting pretty fucking tired of living the life of someone else.

“Okay so.. I basically have. Or I am. Yeah. I’m like…” Moony is aware they’re rambling, but they can’t stop themself. They’re starting to feel distant as the world starts to fade around them.

They come back to themself, realizing with horror that they’re still talking. “….so yea that’s like I’m the keykeeper and the princess is in the castle and Remus is the gate but he can’t open without the key and..” Moony stops abruptly, staring ahead of themself. “What?”

Sirius is looking somewhere between concerned and confused. Fuck. Moony hates when this happens. Also if they’re starting to black out, chances are Remus will be back soon, or worse, someone else. Time to get the witness out of there.

“…Right.” Sirius says, tilting his head. Moony hopes his darker skin-color hides his blush.

“So you said this princess is guarded by the big bad wolf,” Sirius says and Moony inwardly flinches as the Wolf starts clawing at its prison.  “But if the princess is guarded by a wolf, why do you need to have a key?”

“Uh…” Moony says, desperately trying to remember and make sense of whatever conversation they must have been having. After a moment they give up and let out a big sigh.

“Look mate,” Moony says. “This is gonna sound pretty fucking stupid, but if you wanna spend any amount of time with me you gotta know that I have an… incredibly shit memory.” They shrug in what they hope is a nonchalant manner. “I kind of blanked out on that whole conversation.. So your guess is as good as mine.”

Sirius nods thoughtfully. “Ok Moony,” he says. Then, terrifyingly, he adds: “How will I know when I meet Remus?” Moony’s eyes widen, and they almost drop the teacup they hadn’t been aware they were holding.

“Re-Remus..?” they ask. Fuck. They’ve really done it now. Moony is starting to sweat with panic. “I-I’m Remus..” The wolf is going to kill me – the wolf is going to kill me – the wolf is – no one can know – no one can know – our secret – our secret – secret – you are the gatekeeper; act it!

“Moony – “ Sirius is way too close now, he’s practically crowding them, and Moony wants to push him away but instead they just flinch and crawl awkwardly back unto the bed. The last of the tea drips into the sheets from the discarded cup.

- Anna stares at the stranger with the black hair and apologetic look on his face. She’s in a bed, something warm has soaked through her pants and the stranger is backing away, but she’s no fool and she’s going to scream bloody murder and –

Remus tends to blink into existence at the most inopportune moments. This time he comes to with a deep-seated sense of dread, like something is seriously wrong. For a moment he thinks he might be wrong. He’s just in bed, but it doesn’t take long for the unease to settle completely over him, as he recognizes the teacup bleeding into the bed. He looks up, and there, by the door, hangs a dark blue scarf. He’s seen this scarf before. It belongs to the cute new guy, Sirius. Remus pushes himself out of bed, his body is hurting in a dull ache that tells him Moony hasn’t been as careful with it as he ought to be. Not like Remus minds too much, the pain is just another reminder of his broken fucked up life.

Moony hasn’t left any notes, and Remus’ only clue is the blue scarf that hangs on the bed, and a low growl in his inner ear.

Whatever happened… the Wolf is not pleased.

[enchantedisabella]

Why Annabeth is not Hermione 2.0

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long time, because so many people compare Annabeth Chase to Hermione Granger when they’re really nothing alike. Yes, they’re both the smart, female best friends of the main protagonists, but that doesn’t make their personalities identical. Here are my reasons why.

Annabeth has ADHD and dyslexia and is unfocused at times. Hermione has no disorders we know about and is attentive in class. I understand that Percabeth in high school is a very popular headcanon among the pjo fandom, and Annabeth is indubitably ridiculously clever, but she is NOT going to be raising her hands every second of every day in class and she definitely won’t pass every single subject without even trying. I’d be very surprised if she could stay focused for a full lesson. Honestly, I’d expect her to be labelled as even more of a ‘troubled kid’ than Percy, because Percy has spent years in mortal school while Annabeth hasn’t. It would be Annabeth, not Percy, being the one desperately trying to pay attention but the first to lose focus halfway through. Hermione, as we all know, is the exact opposite, and hates when people disrupt classes.

Hermione is a rule-follower at heart. Annabeth is not. We all remember that time when Hermione Badass Granger kept a woman in a jar for a year, right? However, we also remember the numerous times she’s threatened to report Harry and Ron for breaking the rules- mainly in the earlier books, when their friendship isn’t as developed, but she still acts scandalised whenever rule-breaking is brought up. Hermione will break the rules, because she’s a Gryffindor at heart and she will do anything to protect her friends (trap Rita Skeeter in a jar, report the Firebolt to McGonagall because it might have been cursed), but that doesn’t mean she necessarily enjoys it. Annabeth is a different story altogether. In fanon, it’s usually her who is expected to restrain Percy from doing something stupid (like Hermione and Harry’s canon friendship), but in actual pjo canon, it’s the other way around. Annabeth Chase is smart and clever but she’s also prideful, impulsive, and downright reckless, while Hermione is most definitely not. Annabeth will use any excuse to break the rules and sees no point in regulations if they don’t make any sense, and thinks that authority figures should earn her respect. Hermione basically hero-worships all authority figures unless they’re really bad (eg. Snape and Umbridge). It takes a lot for her to rebel against someone in a higher position than her, and she will willingly give teachers her respect even if they haven’t earned it yet.

Hermione is book smart. Annabeth is street smart. I’m not saying that Annabeth doesn’t like to read, because it’s clearly stated in The Lightning Thief or Sea of Monsters (I can’t remember which) that Annabeth reads so much that Percy forgot that she also had dyslexia. However, in school aus, Annabeth would probably not perform that well on tests and she would absolutely not join spelling bees and win, or have we as a fandom collectively forgotten that in SoM, Percy said that Annabeth could have spent the whole night trying to spell ‘cyclopes’ due to the fact that she kept messing up the letters? And if I hear any reasons like ‘they removed her dyslexia because it didn’t fit their fanfiction, and there’s no need to be so pressed about it’, that’s very fucking ableist, for one, and defeats the whole purpose of Rick Riordan (bless him) making the book’s protagonists have ADHD and dyslexia for his son. Also, it says a lot about fans trying to make Annabeth into Hermione 2.0 when she’s very much not, and then fooling themselves into thinking that the girls’ personalities are carbon copies of each other. Hermione is repeatedly described as the brightest witch of her age- she’s deductive, rational and calculated. She has no problem paying close attention to detail. She spurts out so much information in the books that she has been repeatedly compared to ‘swallowing the textbook’, courtesy of Ron. I can’t even imagine how much she would have to memorise to be compared to that. Annabeth would not be capable of that, nor would she even want to be. She would not see the point in memorising facts, because Annabeth Chase learns things by doing, and Hermione Granger learns things from books. In the Philosopher’s Stone, Hermione is distraught at their first flying lesson because she can’t learn it from a book first. You know who wouldn’t be? Hands-on, street smart, capable Annabeth.

Annabeth values knowledge more than Hermione does. Some of you may not understand why this is, but Annabeth is a daughter of Athena and Hermione is a Gryffindor. They have very different learning strategies and if they ever met, they’d be nothing alike and probably wouldn’t even see eye to eye. Hermione canonically scoffs at ‘books and cleverness!’ both in the movies and the books of the Philosopher’s Stone. Hermione is Sorted into Gryffindor because she values bravery over everything else- even knowledge. Annabeth has always put knowledge first. That’s not to say that Annabeth Who-Took-A-Knife-For-Percy Chase isn’t brave, but she values knowledge above else and she’s willing to fight dirty to get it (as is Hermione, but that’s beside the point). It’s understandable that Annabeth would put knowledge above bravery, because of her parentage. Hermione’s choice is also understandable, given the circumstances, and it’s noteworthy that she repeatedly chooses friendship over cleverness in the series just because she knows its importance. Just to reiterate: the girls are different people. Don’t put them as madly competing in your Hogwarts x Camp Half-Blood fanfictions. Do you honestly think Annabeth would compete with Hermione for the best grades in History of Magic, or that Hermione would ever try her hand at sword-fighting and archery? I don’t think so. This might seem like it’s contrasting my point, but Annabeth probably isn’t going to be interested in most of the lessons while they’re taking notes in a classroom without any hands-on work. She doesn’t function like that. She would do well in Charms or Transfiguration and positively shine in Quidditch, not History of Magic or Muggle Studies or Divination. She values knowledge she deems useful, and the only way for knowledge to be deemed useful by her standards is if she used what she’s learnt in practical spells and not note-taking.

Hermione has flexible moral principles. Annabeth’s are set in stone. Hermione is a very complex character. She repeatedly chastises Harry and Ron for breaking school rules on a daily basis, but it was her idea to go through with the Polyjuice Potion in CoS, her decision to keep Rita Skeeter in a jar, her decision to use a Time-Turner to get to all her classes on time. (Well, she also had to appeal to Cornelius Fudge through McGonagall, but it was her idea.) Hermione’s moral code is flexible, to say the least. She won’t break it for mundane days, but will for special occasions, and that’s because she knows that desperate times call for desperate measures. None of her moral code is written in stone. There is always a point where she justifies her behaviour by decreeing that the situation needs it. There is no line that she isn’t willing to cross depending on how bad the situation is. Hermione has a justifiable reason for breaking rules, and though she doesn’t enjoy it, like I said earlier, she will do it of her own accord if the situation calls for it. She has no point where she says to herself, ‘Okay, this is one rule that I’m not going to break no matter what.’ This girl, this brilliant, ruthless girl, is willing to cross every single line if she absolutely must, and that is why she is not at all like Annabeth Chase. Annabeth Chase, whose principles are set in stone. Annabeth Chase, who is prideful and stubborn and who does not compromise her values no matter what. Annabeth is not ruthless; Annabeth is not cruel. She is the embodiment of- not exactly goodness, but fairness and equality. She gives everyone what they deserve. She literally told a Sphinx off for not giving riddles that make you think, but instead asking questions that you just need a certain amount of knowledge of facts to answer. Let that sink in, because it’s the most perfect example I have. Hermione Granger would have answered them quick as a flash and moved on, because it’s an easy way out, she knows all the answers anyway, and she’d probably treat the Sphinx like an authority figure whose test she has to pass, not change. Annabeth Chase, instead, gets offended and demands riddles that make you think because she will not compromise her principles for anyone or anything, and places so much faith in her intelligence (which is why she values it so much) that even if the questions will be harder, she thinks that it’s downright insulting that they aren’t already. She takes it as an insult to her intelligence. Hermione is flexible; Annabeth is hard as stone.

Annabeth has the makings of a hero; Hermione has the makings of a villain. Sure, Hermione started SPEW and cares for the welfare of creatures and is portrayed as sensitive time and time again, but if she believes that what she is doing is right, she will use wrong methods to get to her goal. After all, when the greater good is at stake, who wouldn’t use less morally superior methods to get to it faster? What’s the murder of a few people who deserved it- maybe Bellatrix or Umbridge- when a greater number of lives can be saved? Hermione is unnervingly logical and although she is sensitive, she is not weak. She might feel pity for Sirius’s experience in Azkaban, because he’s ‘good’, in her mind, but would she feel for Bellatrix, who ‘deserved’ it? And of course Bellatrix did deserve it, but Hermione conveniently ignores that they went through the same experience because only Sirius deserves her pity, because he’s good. Hermione wouldn’t sacrifice Sirius for the greater good, but she would sacrifice Bellatrix, and Annabeth wouldn’t, because as I’ve said, Annabeth does not have a flexible moral code. Annabeth would not stand by and sacrifice Bellatrix, because she is still a person in Annabeth’s eyes, but Hermione would, because there is no line she wouldn’t cross. As long as Hermione thinks that what she’s doing is right, she would condone any action to achieve her goal. I think we all know enough about history to know that that is terrifying as fuck. Hermione, under different circumstances, could be a villain; Annabeth would be the hero and do the right thing no matter what.

These two girls are so inherently, intrinsically different that I have trouble wondering why anyone would think that they were anything alike just because they’re smart and friends with the protagonist. There are probably more points, but I’m tired and it’s a school day and I can’t think of anything more to add on. Anyway, thanks for reading this and I hope nobody makes the stupid, stupid mistake of saying that they are in any way similar after reading this, because I could honestly relate Annabeth more to Ron than I could to Hermione.

[wvrmtails]

(  and what loneliness is more lonely than distrust?  )

( keiynan lonsdale, twenty one, agender ) my goodness, is peter pettigrew back? it’s been a few years since the halfblood has been around the castle, but i’d recognize he/they anywhere. rumor has it the seventh year spent the past few years aligned with the order. they’re stillallocentric & cunning and obsessive & passive, though. and the gryffindor still reminds me of ketchup stains on band shirts, an incomprehensible minute long string of curses, tracing the veins in your wrist, the smell of breakfast and fresh coffee, card tricks at three in the morning. well, then, i guess some things never change. 

links:  playlist.  pinboard.  stats. 

triggers: child abandonment, eating disorder (specifically bed/bulimia), depression, anxiety, weed. there’s a heads up before every bulletpoint!

history.

child abandonement mention |  peter grew up in glasgow, scotland and was raised by his mother, a halfblooded witch called daraja pettigrew. his dad wasn’t in the picture, hadn’t been from the moment his mum had told him that she was pregnant. | end of mention

which meant peter learned how to be alone from a young age. his mother worked a lot, after all, so she could pay the rent of their small flat and give peter the bare minimum, the things he needed. peter delved into fictional worlds: he read books. comics, mostly, but also a lot of roald dahl. he also watched a lot of telly, because tv is the bomb.

went to muggle elementary, where he was kind of? an odd one out. his clothes were always a bit lumpy, his words a bit jumbled, his eyes shifty. was an outsider on good days, a target on less good ones. he spent many lunch breaks eating alone, and most of the time he didn’t mind — being alone meant he could let his mind wander.

still, it fucked with his self esteem. no kid likes feeling alone, or like an outsider.

and then hogwarts rolled around and! friends! marauders! peter felt so at home! oh my god okay listen. he loves the marauders so much and he was so hyped and happy to be part of this little group and there was a Lot of hero worship there, esp in the early days?

peter always loved heroes. he loves comic books and people who save the day and get the girl and do it all. i think he kind of … projected that onto james and sirius especially? did not know how to do this friendship thing as an 11 year old tbh, was a mess, was blinded by their amazingness damn

also. re: being sorted into gryffindor! peter admires heroism and bravery and chivalry, and it’s your values that get you sorted some place. and he does try to be brave, and he IS, because he becomes a damn animagus for his bud! i mean! he was not a hatstall btw  — i choose to ignore that stupid bit of post canon. it took a while for the hat, sure, but no more than two minutes. 

pete was & is a shit student, not bc he was dumb, but just because school was not. his thing. his jam. the system was just not for him. deadlines? exams? homework? no thank you. anyway, peter’s skills flourished a lot more in different settings, like … using charms for convenience. or becoming an animagus for his bff. making potions against hangovers. etc.

becoming an animagus for remus was ! important ! to peter ! he did it for remus, not because of peer pressure, or anything else — he did it because it was right, and his friend deserved it and ! he did it, too, because he could. sure, his transfig grades may have been more than poor, but the kid did have some skill. he just needed motivation, which mcgonagall didn’t give (bc. she scared him.) and this situation? motivated the hell out of him. 

peter would be lying if he said he wasn’t taken a bit aback when he learned about remus’ lycanthropy — not because he was scared of him, to be honest, but he was just ? shocked ? he was more scared for remus, and so sad? so fucking sad for him? : (

collects chocolate frog cards like it’s his damn job. i mean, he did it before hogwarts, but once he arrived and there was more opportunity to trade and a whole club dedicated to it, peter grew more and more driven to complete his collection, lmao. peter also really likes playing gobstones and is pretty good at it? same with chess & card games — he loves games!!!! so much!!!

weed & anxiety tw | peter started smoking pot in the summer between his fourth and fifth year, and never really stopped. it made him slack more at school, but also eased his anxiety, which had started to develop in his fourth year. as months passed, peter became more and more of a stoner, which made him both more relaxed and funnier, but also ... a whole of a lot lazier. | end of weed tw

peter had always been a bit ... fidgety, easily on edge, a bit nervous, but he’d never really known anxiety until around fourteen years old. his insecurities grew, as he started comparing himself more to his friends and finding nothing but things he lacked in comparison to them, and questions as to why they put up with him. | end of anxiety tw

so his schooldays mostly looked like ... doing nothing, playing games, having fun with his mates, getting high, forgetting his homework, stressing about homework, and somewhere, in a tiny corner of his being, worrying about the war. whenever those worries started coming up, though, he was able to push them away, because the war was not yet there, not for him at least. there was graduation to worry about first, and once that was done, then he could worry about the war.

and then the war came to hogwarts. peter was shocked. peter had been in denial about the war and how close it could hit him, because in his mind he and his friends would be safe at hogwarts, would be safe until at least graduation, and then that was all gone. peter didn’t do much during the battle. i can imagine that he just hid, that he tried to stay out of trouble, that a side of him showed itself that he did not like at all. he worried about his friends, hoped they were safe, but didn’t go looking for them, didn’t try to protect them: he clung to safety and hid. like a fucking coward. he prayed, for a moment, and then cursed god to hell and back. probably smoked a few cigarettes, too.

post battle & currently.

peter is ashamed. ashamed of his cowardice, ashamed of his passiveness, of his incapability to stand up and fight, like so many of his friends did. a disgust grew in his chest for himself, and yet he was glad, somewhere, that he had hidden. he’d not seen as much as others had. he’d not gotten hurt. he had not died.

he did join the order, along with his friends, in an attempt to make up for his earlier lack of bravery, but he finds himself incapable to do much. he’s not good at dueling and while he’s able to be strategic and cunning, his mind seems to shut down whenever he tries to apply himself. he’s terrified, frankly, and he’s angry, because he should just be at fucking hogwarts. 

that idea i mentioned earlier, that the war wouldn’t be real until after graduation, and then graduation being postponed significantly, kind of froze peter up. rather than dedicating himself to the order in his own ways, as he would do in a canon verse, or eventually deciding to walk over to the death eaters, peter just became passive. i think peter hung around hq a lot, cleaning up and cooking food and making sure there was always enough tea/coffee/beer/liquor around for when there were meetings. would rather clean a dirty toilet than go on a mission. The Order’s personal MAID! 

depression & weed & eating disorder (bed/bulimia) tw | peter feels useless. he feels like a shitty person. he feels like he’s a burden. he hates himself. peter starts secluding himself, hiding in his mother’s home. he smokes more pot. he sometimes goes a week without seeing someone besides his mum. he watches too much telly and reads comics and drowns in fictional worlds and he becomes depressed. he sinks into it without noticing and can’t come back from it. his eating habits ( which have always bordered on unhealthy ) turn worse; peter binges, and then restricts, falls into a cycle. it’s the only routine he has.

when he’s around his friends, he lives up a little. he cracks jokes and wants to play games and laughs and feels a bit more alive, but he always craves his time on his own. that’s his new way to feel safe: to stick to his newly found routine, hidden in his room, away from reality. | end of tw

and then, finally, he was able to return to hogwarts. the three years spent away from school feel like a blur, if you ask him now, a useless blur, and peter’s laughing when he steps on the train. he’s glad. he’s glad. he can return to his plan to graduate and then, maybe, find the power in himself to face the war, rather than still, kind of, deny it. peter just wants to return to his last year and make the most of it, and return to the way life once was. ( that that’s kind of impossible is, well, yet another thing he’s in denial about. )

random facts & ramblings.

peter parker is his favourite superhero just because ... they share a first name and because peter parker is a bit of an underdog too and peter is just like! amazing! he named his owl parker.

he hates cats. used to love them --- he was allowed to take the cat from home with him to hogwarts when he was eleven, but he brought him back home after an unfortunate incident where his cat nearly ate him while he was in his animagus form. “sorry ma, i don’t love him any more. here. have him.” 

peter is actually a solid cook. this is because he learned to make some basic food when he was still a kid, first with his grandma, and later on his own. he liked doing it for his mother and he was. .. good at it? peter is also just passionate about food and finds comfort in cooking. breakfast food and baked goods are Prime Food Categories. 

he is asexual af, panromantic. has kissed both guys and gals and nb pals but did not like it??? confused. does not understand sexuality and all that jazz but tries not to think abt it because like! he’s got enough stress! doesnt need to think abt this!

peter is also agender, but i think he’s a lot less aware about this, because it’s confusing and so he just tries not to think about it. he does feel okay with he/him pronouns, but just doesn’t feel connected at all to being a boy/man

peter has abandonment issues because his dad, well, never even bothered to be there. not even for a second. he’s just constantly scared that people will leave and it’s funny, because he will probably end up abandoning all of his loved ones KDJFHSDF.

peter is quite non confrontational but also not ... meek? he just avoids it, either by physically staying out of people’s way or by dismissing most of the things said and getting out of there. a Passive Kid. will, however, defends his friends honour, because damn it, he loves them so much.

he’s such a fucking dork i swear to god. but he’s funny! peter is really funny. i deeply believe in this. he makes great puns and is able to just come out of nowhere and make a comment that just. hits the nail right on its head. 

peter curses a lot and has a scottish accent and sometimes he will have a minute long cursing session that no one rly understands.

listen i have such a wide array of hc’s im not going to list them all here just ask me

possible plots.

tutors. someone help peter graduate bc that is like. something he does want to do. he’s taking his newts in transfig, potions and herbology.

fellow collectors. please trade chocolate frog cards with peter and help him finish his collection before he loses his gd mind.

let’s play a game! peter rly likes playing games and tbh he’s usually in for one ( though it does depend on who you are, lmao ) so! maybe your character and peter just like hanging out and playing some Games.

i will add more im just so tired of typing rn KSDFHSJKDFHKJSDFKDSFH

[kitten-anon-blog]

Abused! Sirius, Depressed! Sirius, tw/ cutting, tw/ drug use, tw/ eating disorders, tw/ abuse. This fic can be very triggering to many individuals. If this has potential to trigger you please don't read! Stay safe lovelies and if you or anyone you know is having trouble here are a few hotlines! Remember to create and destroy as you see fit ~Ty

Sirius was insanely nervous. The kind of nervous that suffocated him the like bluish smoke that billowed up from the train. It was the kind of the nervous that was the taste if winter storms and the colour of headlights in fog. It was the kind of nervous he felt when his father called him late at night, his breathing heavy and tainted with that murky brown smell of alcohol Sirius came to hate and fear. He was standing with his parents near the front of the platform waiting for his turn to get on the train. His first year at Hogwarts. He wondered what house he would be in. Slytherin probably, it was silly to think anything else. He was a Black after all, they were all in Slytherin, except for a select few who had been shamed by the family. He felt his family standing behind him, stiffer than newly frozen ice, as they looked around in disgust at the mudbloods, or rather anything but purebloods, wandering to the trolley cars. "Sirius!" His mother screeched. "Are you listening to me boy? You need to get onto the train. We'll see you for the holiday break" "Okay Mum",Sirius hesitates before addressing his father who stood stone still in front of him. "Goodbye Father" "Just get on the fucking train boy", his father growled, shoving Sirius forward. Sirius's bag slipped out of his hand when he stumbled with his dad's push. The buckle of the bag popped open and paper spilled over the edge, floating feather like around people's feet. "Stupid bitch" he heard his father grumble before he walked away. Sirius scrambled to grab his papers ducking around people's luggage. One boy and what Sirius presumed was his mum stopped to help him. "Scourgify ",the woman said, flicking her wand at the suitcase. The contents of his luggage flew back to him rearranging in his suitcase. Sirius has seen the simple cleaning spell countless times, performed by his mother when his father made a mess and was to drunk to clean it. " thank you" Sirius mumbled, embarrassed at the situation he had gotten himself into and that his father hadent sobered up enough to not make a scene. Scene or not most people seemed to care more about the train than him. Sirius was grateful for that. "What's your name"  Sirius looked up at the boy happy that he asked first. "Sirius Black, nice to meet you" he said reaching his hand out to shake the other boy's. "You to mate! I'm Remus Lupin by the way." Remus smiled happy to make an aquantince before he even got on the train. " want to sit with me on the ride?" "Yah sure!" Sirius was happy for the same reason but he was still unbearably anxious" "Rem you're going to miss the train!" His mum called from behind them. "Oh! Goodbye mum I'll miss you" Remus hugged his mom tightly "I love you" "Good luck, I love you" his mother said kissing him lightly on the forehead before releasing him from the hug. Sirius stood awkwardly next to them startled by the scene unraveling before him. His parents had never hugged him much less said things like I love you. Remus turned around to look at Sirius, smiled, and took his wrist pulling him to the train. They stepped onto the train pushing and weaving through upper class men that were greeting each other. Remus stopped abrubtly in front of a section. " this one looks empty" Sirius said, pushing into the car. He pulled Remus in behind him. "Aren't you gonna ask if you can sit here", a voice came from behind them. Sirius whipped around almost hitting Remus in the face. A boy was sitting in the corner of the car, looking at them interrogatively. His hair was short and messed up just enough to look cool. He was already in a button up a black tie loosely hanging around his neck. The way he sat, pretzeled up on his seat they couldn't have seen him from outside. " O-oh my God! Sorry! I um I-i I can leav-" he trailed off looking at the boy who was now grinning at him. "C'mon mate I'm only shitting you! I'm James Potter, how's it going? " I'm Remus Lupin I'm great. You?" "I'm good!" Remus and James looked at Sirius. James waited a second before saying cheekily "and who are you?" "Oh- Im Sirius Black" he said as Remus smiled at him. They plopped down on the seats across from each other. The train quieted as it got further from the station. "So how long have you to known each other?", James said, grinning ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They arrived at Hogwarts when it was dark out, and had been ushered across a pitch black lake. They were now standing in a corridor behind engraved wooden doors. On the other side Sirius could hear voices overlapping, a sea of laughter and happiness. A professor shushed them as the other room went silent. Sirius figured it was McGonagall. He had seen her before at ministry banquets, all he knew if his father hated her. " blood traitor " he had called her. McGonagall ushered them through the now opened doors shoving them into a room of faces staring at them, which quite frankly scared the shit out of Remus as well as Sirius. James on the other hand seemed unphased by the room of people staring at him and the other first years. He sauntered up to the front of the group, standing tall amongst the many hunched over eleven year olds. Once they reach the front of the great hall and old man, presumably Dumbledore the Headmaster walked forward Welcome! Welcome to another year at Hogwarts. Now, I'd like to say a few wordsTo the new first years.. I wish you well in your studies here at hogwarts and I do hope you will be following all of our rules. The headmaster seemed to shoot a look at a few slytherins that looked around before stifling their laughs I would also.. like to welcome our new herbology teacher, Professor Pomona Sprout. He looked down at his notes in his hand and cleared his trought before continuing “And now I would suggest that we sort you into your houses so that you can get on with your eating he nodded to the empty golden plates and then to McGonagall. Professor McGonagall nodded back, understanding his meaning, and walked forward with a hat that was honestly disgusting in appearance. It was a dusty brown patched with faded green and blue fabric, it seemed ancient, like it had once been used daily but had found its way into an attic, forgetting the love it held for some time. There was a large gash in the side of the hat near the brim and lazy stitching around the edges. Sirius thought about how alike it was to what the house elves at home wore, barley able to pass as fabric and were definitely not clothes, just rags. She pulled a scroll from her robes, how she had kept it hidden was a mystery to Sirius, looking up at the hall she called out Sirius Black Sirius had expected to go first but was still shaking slightly when he got up to the stool that had been pulled up. He sat down, shifting to account for the folds in his robes, and felt the fabric of the sorting hat lowered onto his head. He waited for a second knowing what would happen next, his uncle had told him about it. His uncle the griffindor. His uncle the coward. He had been shuned from the family and he just took it. Sirius told himself that he wouldve fought, let them know he was still good enough. So Sirius is it? the sorting hats voice was deep and raspy. Yes, Sirius Black. Sirius thought back Hmmmm. You would have so be courageous to be able to stand up to your parents. Wouldnt you? But courage is in Gryffindor! Im not a Gryffindor im a slytherin like the rest of my family. Sirius was surprisingly calm fighting with a bloody hat. I know the Black family, you arnt like them. That didn't matter I'm still a Slytherin! I don't care if I'm like them! But do you want to be like them? I- shit  did he? His father might like him but was that worth it? Being like them? "GRYFFINDOR" the sorting hat yelled out startling Sirius and multiple first years. Fuck. Sirius's dad was going to kill him. The hat was removed from his head as Sirius slipt from his perch on the stool down to the stone. He made his way over to the gryffindor table and as he did he caught the eye of people he had seen at gatherings of his families'. They were all Slytherin, and all scoffing at him from the table over. Sirius sat down in the emptiest spot he could find. It could eisily fit five people, nonetheless he hoped no one would sit next to him. He started to fidgit and shift in his chair, bouncing his leg against the bench. He looked down to play with his nails, a desperate attempt to distract himself from the murmers of students. "SLYTHERIN" "HUFFLEPUFF" "Ravenclaw" "grffindor" griffindor Some other poor kid had been stock into this house.

isn done for a person sorry    

[hardcoregallavich-blog]

Marauders High school Head cannon!

James: •definitely the 'dumb' jock who every girl drools over. •Probably acts like a dick around any female in sight to show off. •Acts like he doesn't care about his grades but actually has straight A's (and one B he might have cried over but no one knows) •is dating the most smart girl in the school and everyone is surprised a lovely girl like lily would date an asswipe like James •shows of his lovely girlfriend to anyone with ears •"but look at her, she's gorgeous" •"yes James, I'm sure her attractiveness hasn't faltered since the last time you told us five minutes ago" •"bUT LOOK" •cares about his friends •probably too much •everyone thinks he and Sirius is dating. •is disrespectful towards teachers at the beginning of the year but at the end of the year apologizes to them •is disrespectful and a bully to lower classmen but soon matures and realizes he's been acting more of a boy than he would admit. •changes for the better and surprises everyone Sirius: •Very attractive and is self aware of it •has a mirror in his locker to check his hair but says he keeps it on there for Lily (who cares less about her appearance than Sirius) •always mentions how gay for Remus he is •is definitely the person to wear a plain button up shirt with the first five buttons unbuttoned and black jeans and his hair tied up in a bun to mess with his friends •"Sirius you look like a fucking prick" •"Well, Remus, you weren't complaining about my pri-" •"SIRIUS ORION!" •has all of his papers neatly packed in one folder •claims it's organized •somehow has papers from three years back •grabs James ass in the hallway and pretends it wasn't him. •tricks people into making puns •"what did the cow say when he got pantsed?" •"I am UTTERly humiliated!" •"are you fucking seri-" •"no but Remus is" •"SIRIUS STOP IT." •gets in trouble for 'texting' in class but was actually looking up a stupid question he was curious about •always found a way to get out of gym claiming he was sick •just didn't want to mess up his hair •helps the person who falls down and gathers the scattered papers •accused of pushing James down the stairs •says he didn't do it •no one believes him •is a really nice kid but doesn't seem like it Remus: •is always reading. •has a new book every three days. •grammar police •sometimes it's helpful, most times it's annoying. •("it's you're not your") •is a very quite and reserved person but is insanely friendly and always wants to make friends •him and lily were (and still are) best friends and always hung out with out James and Sirius just as gal pals •seems very innocent since all he does is read and braid his boyfriends long hair •is actually blow job king •smoked pot more times than James, Sirius, lily and peter has combined. •"Remus is probably into bdsm" •"oh hush, he probably doesn't know what that is" •"wait, he's smirking why is he smirking" •was an obedient teachers pet and always turned his homework in on time or early. •is the one that pushed James down the stairs •his 'light reading' books are books none of the boys could have finished in a life time. •gets questioned for wearing sweaters and cardigans •gets questioned for his hair because "Remus your hair is so fluffy!!" •says his favorite movie is the notebook •is a giant Star Wars nerd •apologizes for his boyfriend and friends more than he has apologized for himself •is a sweet but devilish boy. Peter: •the forgotten one •people always seem to forget he's there •is apart of the marauders and always will be •hasn't taken a shower in three days and is on the track team •stays out late going to parties that no one invited him to •starts reading a book but stops on the thirteenth pages cause "not enough death tbh" •seems like a fuck boi •is. •has had at least 16 girlfriends since their freshman year •is a mousy kid •short •kinda attractive •massive player tho •sometimes disappears for hours at a times and resurfaces with a new trinket. •"peter, where have you been? It's been like 19 hours!" •"don't worry about it but look at this cool ring I got!" •accidentally hits on lily the say her and James get together •purposely hits on Remus to make him flustered and Sirius angry •helped Remus push James down the stairs •secretly loves hanging out with all of his buddies cause no one else gets him like they do. •is a good kid. Lily: •book worm •only reads a book if Remus approves of it •has the urge to fight James •has the urge to fight anyone, actually •is very small but full of rage •is a teachers pet but will stand her ground •"well, honestly, I don't think a woman should earn as much as men. They aren't hard hardworking and should stick to the kitchens." •"excuse me, but I don't think you should be saying that. It's degrading women and completely sexist!" •"Evans, do you honestly think you'll be making as much as your husband when you get a job? You're a tiny girl who should learn to shut her mouth and let the males be the smart ones and make the money." •"I'm sorry, But I don't believe you have a place to saying that considering you make $50,000 a year and I've already been accepted into 3 colleges." •earns the nick name 'Legendary Lily' •will wear the same pair of pants with out washing them for two weeks •is a skinny girl who looks like she doesn't eat much •gets yelled at cause she always eats everything •"gosh Evans, you look anorexic!" •"well I am not and you should not be making jokes about eating disorders!" •blames Sirius for pushing James down the stairs to take Remus away from being the suspect •is a very kind girl but is a badass feminist.