#Slash jay slash sarcasm

[cactusringed]

Bdubs said btw he'd rather not be drawn not kissing etho with tongue at all times. I feel like it's important to respect that boundary of his. Any art where he's with etho and they're not making out goes against his wishes :(

[bewbiejuggler37]

I can't believe twitter ppl are planning on going back to tumblr bcuz of elon musk's ideas which will absolutely destroy the website lmao. gotta love rich white men am I right

[negative-speedforce]

👨‍👨‍👦🧡💔🤥👻🎥 for Ellis, Kayla, and Jay please?

hc + 👪 for a family-themed headcanon

Ellis: Angels aren't born, they spontaneously manifest. Therefore, the population of Heaven is considered to be Ellis' siblings, rather than traditional family units.

Kayla: Believes her parents died in a car accident up in the Colorado Rockies, though that was a coverup. They were actually killed by the Winter Soldier for working towards the same goal that Kayla is working for. So unknowingly, Kayla is working to continue her parents' legacy.

Jay: Has a little sister who he loves the shit out of. Her name is Emmie, which Jay considers somewhat weird because it's similar to his deadname, but his parents really wanted a kid named after his grandma so it worked out.

hc + 🧡 for a friendship-themed headcanon

Ellis: Has never made a friend before getting cast to earth. Heaven is a very militaristic society, and since angels are never children, they don't really have a chance to be innocent before being thrust into the role of a soldier.

Kayla: Found out that Dori was on her side through a misunderstanding. Dori kidnapped Kayla since she was Pierce's niece, and they intended to hold her for ransom. While Kayla was locked up in Dori's basement, they eventually figured out that they were both working to take down HYDRA, and decided to team up.

Jay: Can't say no to Siv. Even though he really should, since he's really only enabling her self-destructive spiraling that's causing all kinds of problems, ranging from arson and manslaughter to Siv refusing to get out of bed for a week. Really, he's just scared to lose his best friend again.

hc + 💔 for a headcanon about a sad experience

Ellis: When their eye was slashed in their smiting, they lost most of their vision in that eye. While they can still see a little bit on that side, their vision is very cloudy and they have a lot of blind spots, so they prefer people don't sneak up on their left side.

Kayla: Despite being wholly uninterested in dating, especially dating men, Kayla kept up the farce of dating Brock Rumlow for several years to keep her cover. After she had become Firebird and he had recovered from being crushed by a building, he took a sadistic pleasure in forcing her to do things she would never be able to unsee, like killing innocent hostages and such.

Jay: Unconsciously avoids going near windows when in tall buildings, since the last time he did that, he was thrown three stories, nearly died, and lost most of his mobility.

hc + 🤥 for a lie-themed headcanon

Ellis: No one's really sure if they're incapable of lying, or if they just don't really understand the concept of it. The answer is closer to the second one, since even the concept of sarcasm doesn't exist in Heaven.

Kayla: After being freed from HYDRA, she's kinda a pathological liar. She's just so used to constantly lying to people from her years of covert work that it comes natural to her.

Jay: Has been lying to Cassandra for months about him working with Siv. He knows that Cassandra would be mad if she knew he was working with someone like them, and it would put a strain on their relationship, but he's not going to leave Siv on her own, since he doesn't trust her not to get herself killed.

hc + 👻 for a headcanon about supernatural occurrences

Ellis: Had to be sat down and explained to that they have to remain in disguise while on Earth, since most people don't believe in angels, and those that do would lose their shit if they saw a real one.

Kayla: Doesn't believe in any form of the supernatural. Even though she lived through the Battle of Manhattan and was almost blown up by aliens and Norse Gods, she thinks it's all a load of bullshit.

Jay: Despite dating a witch and being friends with a Fae creature, Jay is extremely skeptical about the supernatural. He's one of those "magic is just science we don't understand yet" types.

hc + 🎥 for a film/tv-themed headcanon

Ellis: Can't be photographed or recorded. When recorded, Ellis just appears as a blinding white blur, even when using their angelic powers to disguise themself as human.

Kayla: Since she lost about 5 years while under HYDRA's control, after Yelena liberated her, she spent about a week catching up on her favorite shows, since several seasons had come out that she had missed.

Jay: Has made appearances on TV, since he's kinda a low-grade superhero. Usually it's just public service announcements and stuff that say "Don't do drugs, kids!" despite the fact that he's probably blazed out of his gourd through the whole thing.

[jtkys]

NORMALISW USING TONE TAGS IRL PLEAAAASE 😿😿

I wanna make a joke with sarcasm that’s too heavy for anyone else to understand and then loudly and enthusiastically exclaim “SLASH JAY ‼️‼️💥💥😈😈😈😈👶👶👶🦐🦐🦐”

[eulchu]

Sorry uh- what allegations? /gen

being gay that's the allegation. sorry you have to live with this piece of knowledge now <3

[adragonhoardingstories]

Daminette Soulmate AU Headcannons (2)

This was probably not a good idea, Marinette knew that but she also wanted to see Jason and that was how she ended up tracking him and trying to sneak in one of his safe houses. 

The bluenette had just closed the window when she felt the danger. 

She dodged just in time for avoid an arrow. The next times she was prepared and easily caught the next two arrows, using them as weapons. 

She made quick work of disarming the Archer with a quick throw. She put enough strength in it so that his quiver would be pinned to the wall by the first arrow and threw the second arrow just so that it nicked his face. 

As quickly as that threat was taken care of, she felt a bigger one. 

She ducked and let her bad luck ooze off her. The person slowed down and Marinette took that as a chance to wipe them if their feet and straddle them. 

Before she could deliver her first punch though a voice cut in.

"Sunshine stop, they're my friends."

Everyone froze. 

The Archer who had recovered his arrows froze just as he was about the fire just like Marinette who was about to punch. The girl who she was straddling - who now that she looked at her was gorgeous - her eyes had been glowing but they faded. 

Marinette looked at Jason, then at the Archer then at the pretty lady before going back to her soulmate slash brother again. "...I guess I have to apologise." It didn't take much to guess why they had attacked her. 

They weren't am enemy, she was the intruder.

Jason rolled his eyes but strode forward and gave her and the woman a hand. "What are you even doing here?" He ruffled her hair but didn't meet her eyes. 

So he did know what she was doing there. 

"Come on Jay-Jay." She noticed the shocked looked the others were giving her. Well nothing new there. 

"I find you again after so many years resulting in our soulmate bond finally deciding to form and you decide to ghost me. You're one of the only people who actually know me. What did you expect me to do?"

Jason dragged a hand through his hair as he avoided her glare. 

"This is dangerous, you could have been killed."

"Oooh you're the Red Hood, I'm so terrified." Her voice dropped with sarcasm. 

"I hope you know." Her voice turned sharp. "That I can kill with a touch which makes me considerably more dangerous than you."

He flinched but finally met her gaze.

"I'm sorry." He muttered. 

She stared at him for a while, very reminiscent to their childhood. It was the same look she would give him back then when he tried to pull some woe is me bull or implied that she was younger than him and needed to be kept safe and that she should let him do the work. 

Then she broke into a sunny smile that instantly made Jason relax. She slipped a hand around his waist and his arm automatically went around her shoulders. 

"So are you finally going to introduce us so that I can apologise?"

~

How the hell did you manage this?

Marinette was really amused. It was finally the grand day for her, it was the day of her fashion show and as planned she had sent Tim an address and a place for him to show up at as in accordance to their bet, except she had made him bring everyone else in the family too. 

This is invite only. I would know, I tried to to get tickets but only past clients of MDC or close friends were invited. 

She smiled, she couldn't wait to see his face when she got revealed. 

Actually she had carefully instructed one camera to remain on the Waynes. 

The surprise isn't over yet.

"Ma-Ma-Marinette."

"Luka." She cheered turning to hug him, "So glad you could make it."

He laughed. "I wouldn't miss this for anything in the world."

She laughed. "Good, now to the changing room, we don't have time to waste, we're on schedule."

He raised his hands I surrender, knowing better than to question her when she was like this and walked over to where she pointed him. 

This was going to be fine. 

For once, she had used the kwamis help so that no villain would crash the party.

All her models were here, her family and friends and were here, her clothes were good, everything would be good. 

Everything will be alright habibiti. You've got this. 

They had found that after their soulbond had formed, that their soul switching had given place to a telepathic connection. 

Neither of them could say that they didn't enjoy it.

I know, I know, but I can't help it. 

It's normal but rest assured, this will be a great show. Do you need me to come back there?

No, no that's alright. I'll be fine. Just...hold down the fort and enjoy. 

She could feel his amusement. No doubt, Tim was interrogating him and Jason over how she had managed this feat.

As you wish. 

This was going to be fine. 

.

.

.

"You're MDC." Tim said, after the show.  "You're the motherfricking MDC. Oh my God, I've raved about you to you."

Plagg laughed, loving her kitten's scheme.

"Well look on the bright side." Marinette said. 

Tim looked up at her with a deadpan look. "What?"

"You don't have to go official channels to try and reach me anymore. I can make you all the clothes you want." 

His mouth formed a silent O….and then he broke out squealing in a way that was more expected of Dick Grayson. 

@persephonebutkore @hypnosharkrebeldreamer @satans-favorite-homo @mystery-5-5

@abrx2002 @clumsy-owl-4178 @daminett4life @18-fandoms-unite-08 @bluerosette23 @dawnwave16 @imanerddealwith @heldtogetherbysafetypins

@st0rmy-w1th1n @northernbluetongue @chez-pezeater @thebananathatwrites @black-streak

@ghostcryptid @zerotosiki @krispydefendorpolice @dur55

@weird-pale-blonde-person @casual-dark @maude-zarella

@sonif50 @zalladane @dast218

I tried to get everyone in the tag list, sorry if I missed someone

[aweebwrites]

Allies Ch7

No gore and nothing horrible here. Proceed.

“Back up! Back up!” Kai yelled as he ran out of the ice fortress carrying his frozen partner holding the shurikens of ice as he did, the angry roar of the ice dragon following them.

Nya, Cole and Jay quickly darted away from the entrance as the ice dragon’s head ended up lodged there, roaring angrily and spitting ice.

“Zane! Is he ok?!” Jay yelled as they regrouped.

“How the heck are you even carrying him?” Cole asked Kai who held Zane stuck in a block of ice over his head.

“Well-” Kai was cut off by the weight of Zane catching up to him, making him collapse into the snow and his frozen partner falling on his stomach, knocking the wind out of him.

“Kai!” Nya yelled as Kai wheezed under Zane, Cole lifting him off with ease.

“Could someone get me out of this ice please.” Zane says from inside the ice, his voice muffled but audible.

“Right away.” Cole says, setting him down as Nya helped Kai up.

Cole breathed out before he moved, striking the weak points of the ice with the sides of his hands, leaving the ice to fracture then break around Zane who still held the Shurikens of Ice.

“Thank you.” Zane says then looked down at the Golden Shurikens, sensing their power.

All at once all four Knights looked around, wary.

“Did you see anything?” Nya asked, on alert with their sudden tension.

“No. It’s just this is around the time they’d make a move…” Kai says with a frown, seeing no-one.

“I’m not picking anything up.” Jay says, using his electroreception.

“Me either.” Zane says, his glowing blue eyes brighter now as he scanned the area.

“We shouldn’t let our guard down though.” Cole says with a frown. “Just because we can’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t out there.” He told them with eyes narrowed at the horizon.

“We shouldn’t dally either. That dragon won’t be caged there for long.” Kai says, gesturing to the structure where the dragon was clearly clawing its way out.

“Let’s go.” Zane says, releasing the Shurikens and they vanished, awing the group.

“They’re about to move. Go get the others.” Kozu told Cryptor who nods before shifting back down the hill.

Inside the hollow of the cave Lloyd had somehow managed to fall asleep sitting up still, his dream but a memory.

“I’m a General for the Devourer’s sake. Not a babysitter.” Pythor huffed as he slithered out of Lloyd’s room, the 9 year old watching him go with wide red eyes before he grinned widely.

This was his chance! He jumped up on his feet then climbed up to the high windows, his claws a big help for that. He then unlatched it and stared out at the horizon. In that direction, was Fulgor. A place with green plains and hills, with shimmering lakes, with blue skies and amazing animals. Far better than Penumbra. There were only dark, jagged rocks, bleak red skies and pools of Dark Matter. He wanted to go there… And this was his chance! He’d be quick! He’ll be back before anyone knows it! With that, he jumped out, shifting into the emerald scaled fledgling he was, flapping his wings as fast as they could go. He had to be quick. Kozu and Cryptor will come to check up on him soon. Flying as quickly as he did for as long as he had was exhausting but he made it, to Fulgor. He shifted on the border, back to his human state so he would blend in more. Dragons weren’t common on both sides of the border after all. He walked further into Fulgor, red eyes wide as he took in the amazingly blue skies, the vivid green grass that reminded him of his scales, the birds, flowers, everything! It was all so amazing! But then the scent of something really good had led him to a small village. Jamanaki village. What he had smelled that was so amazing was something he never had before: sweets. Cotton candy to be specific. He hadn’t thought about currency then. It was something he hadn’t needed to concern himself with as a Prince. So when he had walked up to the candy stall and had taken up one of the cotton candy without paying for it, trouble was sure to follow.

He had just taken a bite out of the light, fluffy sweet tasting treat that had blown his mind- when the stall owner had noticed him.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing kid?!” He had yelled at Lloyd, startling the young boy.

He hadn’t thought, he just ran- which caused the man to chase him- which caused him to gain a whole lot of attention. Someone had grabbed him by the arm tightly and another had done the same to his other arm, hurting him and everyone was yelling and- and he just… He lashed out, digging his claws into one of the large hand gripping him and his fangs into the other. Both had let go with a yell of pain but he was surrounded, he was blocked off and prevented from leaving.

“What the hell?” The man who received the full force of his small but sharp claws said, holding out his bleeding hand, showing the slashed flesh there- and the people started really paying attention to him then.

“Why are his eyes red?”

“He has claws…”

“Are those fangs?”

“He isn’t human!”

“He must be Umberian!”

“But he doesn’t have gray skin…”

“We should take him to Emperor Wu…” That scared him.

Emperor Wu would no doubt kill him. He had to get out of here!

“L-Let me go or else my dad will come beat you all up!” He yelled out, trying to pry himself away from their hold.

“You stole my cotton candy you brat! I’ll give you a beating!” The vender yelled at him angrily, walking towards him with intent and Lloyd was terrified.

He didn’t want to get hurt! He can’t transform or else they’ll hurt him more! He’s sure!

“Y- you can’t do this to me! I’m a Prince! You better let me go before Kozu and Cryptor find me or else-”

“Two of the Penumbrian Generals!” Someone gasped and it hit the village people then.

“He’s the son of Garmadon!” Someone yelled and the people looked fearful and horrified then.

Lloyd’s mistake was that he thought he could use that to make them let him go.

“That’s right! My dad’s Emperor Garmadon so you better let me go before he gets really mad!” He yelled at them, a grin on his face.

That grin quickly fell as their expressions grew dark.

“Demon spawn!”

“His father killed my family!”

“He’ll grow up to be just like him!”

Lloyd cried out once their hold on his arms got tighter before he was lifted off his feet, the crowd yelling angrily as he was carried away.

“Let me go! Help! Help!” He yelled, trying to squirm free from their hold.

Going to that place… Was his biggest mistake yet…

“Prince Lloyd.” Lloyd blinked his eyes open before glancing over at Cryptor, pushing down the residual fear he felt from the dream, from the memory down.

“They’re moving?” He asked him and Cryptor nodded.

Lloyd stood.

“Good. Let’s go.”

________

“Jay-”

“Eeep!” Jay squeaked once Cole’s hand touched his shoulder, lightning charged in his hand and he barely dodged the bright bolt of electricity.

“Oh, Cole. You scared the heck out of me.” Jay sighed, slumping on the back of his horse.

“Clearly.” Cole says, looking back at the scorched rock nearby. “What has you on edge Bluebird?” He asked and Jay gave him a dry look.

“Oh jee. I don’t know. It couldn’t be the fact that we're on a mission to find literal god tier weapons that will either save us from this never ending war or destroy us while being chased by a four armed indestructible golem, a Nindroid with magic, an invisible snake and some kind of Umbrian on steroids or anything. Nope. Definitely not any of that.” Jay says sarcastically and Cole looked at him flatly.

“You know what I meant spark plug. Leave sarcasm to me.” The Earth Knight says as they continued towards the storm on the horizon and Jay sighed.

“Sorry but it just bothers me that they didn't show up back then. Makes me think they’ll jump out any second now.” Jay says warily, eyes darting around.

“Jay has a point for once.” Kai says, ignoring Jay’s ‘hey!’. “What’s their plan? Why only steal one weapon and not the other? Are they waiting until we gather the rest? And if so, what would be the sense in that? Surely they would know that we’ll be stronger with three of the weapons on our side. They won’t even be able to use the Scythe of Quakes.” He says, glancing across at Zane for his opinion.

“I am not sure myself.” Zane says as he looked down in thought. “The arctic region isn’t the easiest terrain to travel. Perhaps Pythor is the reason why they hadn’t attacked. He is serpentine after all and they are cold blooded.” He suggested.

“Yeah but what are the chances of them stopping for another teammate? Every soul from Penumbra only cares for themself and Garmadon’s word, and if Garmdon’s word is to bring the golden weapons, I think they’d get it done, even if it means leaving someone behind.” Nya says from her place behind Kai.

“True but perhaps they’ve noticed that you joined our numbers, putting them at a disadvantage. It would go against their aim to leave someone behind then.” Zane pointed out.

“Yeah and lets not forget Stone Soldiers and the Nindroids from Penumbra are generally heavier than the average person. They’d get slowed down by the height of the snow.” Cole added.

“What I want to know is if we have to worry about them jumping out any second now or what.” Jay spoke up, no less jittery than before.

“I think it’s safe to say that they’ve been delayed by the icy terrain.” Zane says after a moment and the freckled brunette sighed, relaxing. “But. We shouldn’t let our guards down. Those Generals have always been crafty, on and off the battlefield.” He added and Jay tensed up all over again.

“At least we don’t have to worry about Ultra Violet.” Nya added as a consolation.

“Oh definitely.”

“That would be most troubling.”

“She’s freaking crazy!”

“That General is definitely a basket case.” The Knights agreed, the idea of her being apart of the team hunting them down terrifying.

They’ve all faced her at least once on the battlefield before and knew she had crazy stamina. Injuries don't even slow her down! They just hope the poor dragon that most likely ate her didn’t get some kind of disease…

Yards back, the team of Generals and their Prince followed the Knight’s path, Lloyd’s eye focused ahead as the other throbbed with pain he ignored. It always hurt once those memories get stirred up and worse still in the cold. That day opened his eyes to the ugly truth behind the beautiful land of Fulgor. Back then, he used to reason that a place like that couldn’t be all that bad… And he was right. Fulgor was never as bad as they say. He tightened his grip on the reigns of his cougar, his eye glowing brighter with his bitterness. It was much worse. He blinked then, pulling his Cougar to a stop.

“What is it my Prince?” Cryptor asked, all three Generals on the alert.

Lloyd looked around, sensing something. Something familiar. He then snapped his head upwards to the sky, eyes narrowed there. Kozu could pick up the deep, rhythmic whooshing sound moments later and narrowed his eyes, knowing that sound well.

“That sounds like a dragon.” He says, reaching for his katana, holding onto it as the sound grew louder.

“It can’t be the Knights. They’re scouting ahead.” Pythor says with a frown, staff gripped tightly.

“Dragons are Emperor Wu’s thing. He must-”

“No.” Lloyd says as it came into view. “It’s not Wu. That dragon is corrupted by Dark Matter.” He says then narrowed his eyes further then relaxed.

“It’s Ultra Violet.” The fifth General laughed as she brought the dragon in for a landing, her Cougar trailing behind her as she gave a trilling war cry.

“Ultra Violet is back!”

________________

(Ok so we've gotten to the first piece of what happened back then and more will begin to uncover itself. I think you get the gist of what happened then... Thanks for reading!)

________________ Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Ch5 | Ch6

[hitchell-mope]

(After courtesy call)

Elsa: Douglas what the hell did you do?

Merida: HA HA! That burke’s got a pickeaxe in his

Doug (panicking): I know I know

Elsa: how?

Doug: he was trying to kill me. He wants to kill Ben. And the girl he works for wants to kill your daughter

Merida: what did she do?

Doug: don’t know. Don’t care. I’m here as moral support for Evie. And to get Ben.

Elsa: but why the pickaxe?

Doug: once again. He was trying to kill me

Merida: he’s looking a bit like haggis. Smells a lot like it too.

Doug: help me!

Elsa: alright alright. (She uses magic to heal Harry and poofs him back to where he came from). Happy now

Doug: no not really

Merida: yeah. You froze all the fun out of it

Doug: your majesty. With all due respect. What the hell are you doing here if it’s not to constantly heckle me?

Elsa: she tagged along to help Mal. The heckling however.

Merida: I have three bothers.

Doug: you mean brothers

Merida: that’s what I said

Doug: no no. You said...never mind

Elsa: how was it being regent?

Doug: I nearly stabbed Adam with a letter opener twice. And I got in an argument with uncle doc.

Merida: why?

Doug: he wants me to get Evie to sign a prenup.

Merida: that’s ridiculous

Elsa: you’re seventeen.

Merida: yeah. Wait until your nineteen at least

Elsa: or! Tell him where to stick it

Doug: it is. And I did. My dad sent me forty laugh cry emoticons and that 10 minute yes boy video

Merida: your not up to date on internet slang are you

Doug: no. I’m proud to say I’m not

Merida: what’re we waiting for? Let’s save the king.

(Elsa teleports them to the Mal’s location)

Mal: mom? What’re you doing here

Elsa: I thought you might need help

Mal: I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have ran away. I just I saw...them

Merida: them. Oh yeah. The ghosts of the jackasses what you killed

Elsa: not helping

Merida: I ain’t here to help your kid. I’m here to rescue Ben. We get Ben. We can go home and littlr miss dark fairycan help the lass in the foetal position in the fairy godmothers tea room

Mal (getting worried): what’s wrong with Jane?

Elsa: nothing that can be helped at the moment

Mal (her eyes flickering emerald green): no. No no no no. I did. She saw. She. My fault

Jay (rushing over to put her head in his hands to shield her from the others): no. None of this is your fault. You’ve done nothing wrong. And for all you know Jane’s ok. She could just be losing it over her dress. Or she and her mom had a fight

Carlos: yeah. It’s like Schrödinger's cat

Doug: yes! That could actually work

Merida: well I saw the girl and she didn’t

Devie, jaylos and Elsa: YOU SHUT UP!

Mal: Schrödinger's cat. Ok. Until investigation. Both positive and negative situations apply. So. There’s no use worrying about it. At least not right now

Evie (encouragingly): that’s right

Dizzy (walking up to Doug and pulling in his jacket): hey you. Did you really fight trout boy?

Doug: trout boy?

Core four: Harry

Doug: ohhhh. Yes. Yes I did

Dizzy: did you kill him?

(Doug looks a little green)

Elsa: we’re getting off the subject. Where is whoever kidnapped Ben located.

Jay: other end of this alleyway.

(At the ship)

Uma (cackling): finally!

Jay: yeah yeah don’t get your swords bent outta shape. We got em

Uma: them

Carlos: the wand. And Maleficent’s sceptre

Mal: Ben. Are you ok? (She gestures to Harry). He didn’t hurt you

Ben: I’m ok. Though I’m mostly running on magic adrenaline and the will to survive

Uma: can we back to what’s important. My inevitable victory

Evie: yeah yeah yeah. Sure. But first. How’s the maggot?

Uma: he’s got a blood stain we’re blood stains should not be. You’re doing I suppose. Wanting to finish the job I bet

Dizzy: no it was her beyond amazing boyfriend.

Doug (rightfully nervous): heh heh. Dizz. Why are you dragging me into this

Dizzy: because everyone should know who finally ended his family l

Harry (still in a smidgeon of pain): I have two sisters.

Dizzy: yeah. And?

Jay: can we get back to the subject at hand please

Uma: oh yeah my victory. Give it

Mal: Ben first

Uma: oh no no no. My ship. My rules. Wand and sceptre. NOW!

(Reluctantly, Mal hands her the items. Once their in her hands the wind picks up clouds swirl in the sky. The sceptre flows a bright turquoise)

Uma: by the power of the sea/tear it down and set us free

(The sceptre shocks her so hard she drops it and the wand melts in her hand)

Devie, jaylos, Elsa, Merida and Mal: Oh shit!

Uma: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

(She uses magic to pull Mal towards her and slams her against the mast by the throat)

Uma (through gritted teeth): you do not get to win every time. GET THEM!

(While this was happening Dizzy slipped away from Devie, shimmied across the underside of the gangplank, crawled up the side of the ship, right to where Ben was tied up)

Dizzy (whispering): hey. I’m Dizzy and I’ll be untying you today.

Ben (also whispering): hey Dizzy I’m Ben.

Dizzy: I know. I saw you on the tv. You’re cuter in person. I’m jealous of Mal.

Ben (slightly confused): Oh...kay.

Dizz: aaaaaand...you are free oh shit

Ben: uh oh.

(The plan didn’t work

Dizzy: we should get you out of here

Ben: good plan

Harry (spotting them): oh no you don’t (He slashes his hook at them nicking ben across the cheek)

Dizzy: finally. A just cause. (She whips around behind him and stabs the back of his legs)

Harry: ARGH. YOU LITTLE SHIT!

(He goes to grab her)

Ben: NO!

(His magic activates and harrys slammed into the top of the mast and lands on his face)

Dizzy: good one

Ben: thank you. Come on

(He grabs her hand and rubs to the gangplank weaving around the chaos but...)

Gil: hey Ben

Ben: hey buddy. Oh. We’re gonna have to fight now aren’t we.

Gil: I think so.

Dizzy: what’re you waiting for. Punch him in his stupid cute face

Gil: hey Carlos

Carlos: hi buddy. Yo lizard features!

Harry (limping from the stab wound): what is it you little bitch

Carlos: you’ll be happy to know I’m no longer scared of you

Harry (dripping with sarcasm): well isn’t that picky

Carlos: you know. Ever since I killed my mother and planted a big ol one on jay.

Harry: I know. It was sickening. Both the corpse and the plunger re-enactment

Carlos: anyway.

(He kicks Harry in the nose)

Harry: why-uh

Carlos: because you want to hurt my friend

(Jay and Uma are sword fighting)

Uma: hahahaha. If you were Harry you’d have lost by now

(They’re swords cross)

Jay: if I were Harry. I’d be ugly.

Uma: you know this is all her fault right!

Jay: oh for fucks same

Uma: well it’s true!

(This is when “traitor” starts)

[italicwatches]

The Good Place, season 2 - Episode 10

Well I meant to be out today, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I’ll push for tomorrow. But I at least got ready to be able to head right out. So for now, let’s do some television. It’s The Good Place, season 2, episode 10! Here we GO!

-PREVIOUSLY ON The Good Place, the crew was no longer in the fake Good Place.

-PRESENTLY ON The Good Place, the train pulls in through darkness and shadow. Chidi’s kind of not doing super great. Michael goes over the gist of the plan. Basically, there’s a neutral zone between the two Places. The Judge, the Accounting department, and the Janet warehouse are all held there. …Also, an IHOP. Inter dimensional Hole of Pancakes. Which eat you.

-The path to the portal, is in the main office in the Bad Place. The only way to open the doors, is by being of a certain ranking. Good news, Michael just got his badge that shows him as upper management. You four will lay low, while he finagles his way into getting four more. As for Janet, and I quote, “I’m luggage!“ so she’s covered.

-You’ll all get disguises, of course. Also Jay is thinking they just throw a molotov and run for it. …No! Just, just NO!

-Chapter 24!

-So we’re all in agreement that Eleanor in her disguise looks fucking amazing, right? Right. So everyone’s going to need an alias. She picks Diana Tremaine, since that was the name on her old fake ID so she’s used to answering to it. Tahani picks Rhonda Mumps, working in one of the many hot dog departments.

-Jay is now Jake Jortles, and he works in the molotov cocktail department. Of course he does. And Chidi is…

-Not doing great. He’s the only one not doing great at it. Ohhh boy. Also Tahani is trying to put on her commoner act and…I mean…She’s trying? Let’s call it trying.

-Eleanor ends up taking Chidi into the back to talk, and oh precious day she can curse again. But he’s not actually breaking, which is…a problem.

-Also Janet is done up as Bad Janet. And Jay thinks she looks super sexy that way. Which is a problem. Tahani tries to help Janet get into character and she’s really struggling with it too. Oh dear.

-Then they get there. It’s…Fascinating, actually, how they’ve picked such a specific aesthetic for the entire Bad Place. It’s, like, peak Awful Post-Victorian Smog-Filled London with just a hint of extra edge to the actual aesthetic and it is riveting.

-Out of the station, to…The Museum of Human Misery, specifically, the Hall of Low-Grade Crappiness, as the safest and most boring place to stow them while Michael figures out a plan. Also, Eleanor is worried about him but can’t show it very well.

-So what are some of the things that people earned torture for? First person to floss in an open plan office, first person to send a dick pic, first waiter to use sarcasm, first white person to grow dreadlocks and the first person to coin Ultimate Frisbee…And then that’s when a whole fucking party comes in to use the place and ohhhhh fuck.

-Meanwhile, Michael gets into the office and to Shawn’s private office, where they’ve got a new scent of Axe. Transformers. It makes you smell how those movies make you feel. So Michael presents his plan with extradition papers for the four humans. He’s going to take four trusted crew members with him up to the judge, deliver those papers, get it signed off on, grab some pancakes, then it’s back here to take the train straight to Mindy’s and snatch ‘em all up!

-And then Shawn casually dumps the papers immediately into the trash. He has a different plan.

-Back at what is now a party, Chidi is freaking out and them all being together is starting to look conspicuous. Jay, you take Chidi. Eleanor and Tahani are going thataway. Jay ends up with a shitty bagel off the hors d’oeuvre tray, and I just want to be very, very clear when I say that I hate that word now after having written it.

-Aaand then they run into someone who thinks Chidi is his old pal Trent. Chet here just got a new gig working in Toxic Masculinity, and also he calls over a bunch of his crew to meet his old bud and oh jeez this is awkward…Especially when another buddy of his needs help cracking a real dirtbag who isn’t responding much to the torture.

-Meanwhile Tahani is doing wayyyy better, and Good Janet is…I mean, she’s trying, guys. But they put her to the task of figuring out what the hell this party is.

-Back to Michael, who’s learning that Shawn remembered, “I’m a naughty bitch”. He’s sent a black-ops team in to take things into his own hands and skip the whole extradition process. Also it turns out that the museum thing? The false Good Place neighborhood is being immortalized for its wonderful success. Now settle in and watch the team get to work.

-Back to the party. Chidi is freaking out and turns to Eleanor for help. Lie, jackass, lie! Tahani can do it! But, but, but, he’ll literally be contributing to another man’s eternal torture…Sit your ass down, Chidi. Moral particularism, Chidi. Wait…Wait they never covered that. You read on your own?! “You think just because I’m a straight hottie, I can’t read philosophy for fun?”

-I mean with the glasses and the hair thing I’m a lot more inclined to agree with her than usual, won’t lie. Look, the whole idea is no fixed rules, right? That’s the whole point, right? You pick your battles based on the environment. Well…This is a crazy-ass environment. So, you lie. You lie through your god damned teeth. And you do it to survive, because one jackass going down is less of a bad than four people who’re trying to get better going down.

-He, he can’t! He can’t change his moral philosophy just like that… “And I didn’t think I would ever be at a cocktail party in literal hell, lecturing my teacher slash ex-lover about moral particularism, but life throws you curveballs, bro!” Shit, Eleanor’s getting all the good lines today. I think it’s the glasses.

-And then Chet comes to pick up his bro, while Good Janet…Learns about the exhibit. Oh this is not good.

-Meanwhile, back in the office, the team gets into Mindy’s place and Shawn gets to hear them over the walkie-talkie mode meeting Derek. Who IS Derek, you might ask? “Me is Derek. These are my wind chimes! Oh, oh ohhhh! My wind chimes like you.” And by the time Shawn turns back around, having learned of the distinct lack of our core humans in the Medium Place, Michael’s gone with an armful of stolen suit jackets. Shawn sends the others out hunting…

-While at the party, Chidi does his best to lie. And he ends up landing on…Make this jackass sit down, and read. Make him read, and read, and read, and just sit and stew. …Which is when Good Janet comes by to snare them because they have to bail. But it’s far too late, as the curtains drop, and reveal the new exhibit, all about them. No amount of sexy glasses will disguise them for long…

-Indeed, they get found by Michael, then by Shawn, and oh this is bad, this is very bad. Jay says fuck it, turns his pocket square and a bottle of liquor into a molotov, and BOOK IT

-Thus begins a full panicked flight to the portal, where they have mere minutes and Tahani, Chidi and Jay get sent through, with Janet missing and Michael down a pin and oh fuck they’re coming. …Hey, guess what. Michael figured out how you solve the trolley problem. You throw yourself over to gum up the works. He takes his pin, clips it to Eleanor, and then shoves her in as he’s being caught…

-Credits!

MOTHER FUCKER

[cactusringed]

idk we probably shouldnt ship lizzie and joel right?? I mean those are real people :////// it's weird to assume their relationship status yeah?? ://///