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ladyzee-oddityhunter · 1 year

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He Saw WHAT!? Interview With a Real GLITCH Scientist

[The video begins with Zee standing in a hotel room with two queen beds. The one directly behind her has her open satchel and a set of pink polka dot pajamas on it, and the one behind that contains her sliggo, Tala, and her sensu oricorio, Carmelita. They’re nestled in the balled up blankets]

“Hello my lovely skiddo kiddos! You’re here with Lady Zee, and I have a special treat for you today! It’s a little late, sorry, I’m still working out the whole living in a hotel in Hoenn thing, but better late than never, right? Last week I got to meet with a glitch researcher based in Hoenn and do a quick interview. These are just the highlights to keep it snappy, but if you want the full thing just let me know! Enjoy!”

[The scene swipes away and is replaced by the pre-recorded footage in a lab in Lilycove. Zee is standing side by side with a lanky, glasses-wearing blue-haired man in a labcoat. A small herd of pokemon is in the background; A kadabra, a very chubby pelipper, and something resembling a VERY large pile of feathers. The pile of feathers seems to be breathing. Tala also slowly creeps her way into view, exploring]

“HeLLO my lovely skiddo kiddos! You’re here with me, Lady Zee, and today I’m with a VERY special guest! This is Simon, a glitch researcher with Devon Corp.”

She pauses for just a moment to let him say hello. There’s a sound from him. It’s not a loud sound.

“Today we’re going to start our discovery of glitch pokemon, but before that I wanna rave about Sweet Skies Malasadas! Do you want to try Alola’s speciality dessert, but you just can’t find the time to go ALL the way to Alola? Sweet Skies MAILED us this box of malasadas just after I got to Hoenn, and after just a few minutes in the oven or with your favorite fire pokemon, they taste like they’re FRESH out of the fryer!

I warmed these up in the hotel’s breakfast toaster oven because I’m lazy. And also don’t have a house at the moment. But anyway, search Sweet Skies Malasadas on your rotom phone and use the code ZEE10 to save ten percent on your first order!”

[The footage in the lab is spliced with a shot of Zee opening a pink and white postage box, then another shot of her nearly setting a toaster oven on fire at a hotel breakfast spread. Just as a significant plume of smoke begins rising out and Zee flails away, it cuts back to the lab]

Present day Zee waves her hands in a showy gesture of excitement and flashes a pearly smile.

“Now!” She turns to Simon, pink hair whooshing over her shoulder with the movement. “Simon, a pretty basic but fun question. You’re a GLITCH researcher. That is super niche and pretty risky just looking at what you share. What made you want to follow this particular career path? Why not do something with regular pokemon?”

There’s a solid beat of silence as Simon appears lost in thought. Then he gives a small start as if realizing he’d been asked a question, blinks, and opens his mouth.

"Uh.. right.." He starts, "Um... well believe it or not I actually started on this career path back in Kanto. I took an internship with Silph Co. And it was a project one of the departments was working on. Glitch Research. I guess one thing led to another and here I am. I guess I didn't realize what I was getting into at the time."

[The camera pans around the lab, showing some of the pokemon wandering around, a few other lab workers, a worryingly large pile of pomeg berries, and a room labeled “Danger: Bad Eggs” filled with an even more worrying number of eggs]

“So what does a normal work day look like for you?” Zee continues. “Are you clocking in to study anything new right now? I imagine it’s egg and pomeg berry related.”

"Well... the Pomegs are a bit of a surplus we have from our last project." He explains, "You've probably heard of the term 'Glitzer Popping'. It's a slang term for the state induced by consuming Pomeg berries while nearly pushed to the point of exhaustion. It can trigger a heightened mental state that can alter one's perception of time."

Zee maintains a somewhat lost but interested smile as Simon provides his matter-of-fact explanation. Perhaps this is perfectly common knowledge to scientists.

"We had been using this method to attempt to make contact with a glitch pokemon called the Decamark. Or ten question marks. We've found however that this method, and possibly making contact with this pokemon at all is... well incredibly dangerous"

[The video freezes, and there’s an added voiceover from Zee]

“If you haven’t see Simon’s decamark videos, I’ll include a link below. Content warning for hopelessness, poisoning, and threat of death. Do not try to recreate his experiment at home.”

[The video resumes]

Zee is looking off to the side, and the camera zooms dramatically in on the “Danger: Bad Eggs” sign.

“Can you tell us about the Bad Eggs? How’s an EGG an invasive species?”

"Well," Simon goes on, "Bad Eggs aren't actual eggs. They are actually more like egg shaped pokemon. The main issue with them is how they reproduce. They can cause waves of corruption called surges. Causing these allows them to reproduce and create more Bad Eggs, but it’s also incredibly destructive. It makes them the only Pokemon that see humans as a prey item that they can hunt."

Zee frowns. ”So they’re like predatory togepies? And you just have a room full of them over there? Must make it easy to relax.”

Her sliggo begins to show just a little too much interest in exploring toward the danger door, so Zee stoops, and a loud, wet slurping noise follows as she forcefully peels the snail pokemon from the floor. Tala continues to squirm for freedom even as Zee cradles her.

“So what does a surge look like?” Zee continues. “And how does a Bad Egg, like, eat?

"A surge is... well.." Simon pauses in thought.

"You know it’s a strangely quiet phenomenon. Actually it makes very little sound. Visually it can look like... stripes of static. And it can cause people caught within it to appear to de-synch with themselves." He makes a gesture as if very familiar with the scenario, but Zee furrows her brows, struggling to visualize his description.

“Let’s talk about something a little more chill,” She suggests. “When you’re not at work, what do you like to do? Do you have any hobbies or personal projects?”

"So... um... I'm not really very much of a trainer, but I do have a little team I'm training." He goes on, "I do have a rival! He's from Glitch City of course. We've actually both won a badge on the circuit. Just one mind you, but it's still been fun to try our hands at battling."

Zee visibly perks up at the mention of this mysterious place, bouncing on the balls of her feet as she watches Simon with wide eyes.

”Ohh, Glitch City? I’ve been trying to find out how to get there. Do you know? Could you show me some time?”

“Well, I do know the way, but we aren't volunteering that information to just anyone right now. " He says, "Maybe I could ask Professor Zzazz about it. She's... er... probably watching actually." He glances into the camera and waves a little "Hi Zzazz. Hi �aver!"

Zee spends a moment mouthing the second name Simon said, visibly baffled by the “Kz” sound at the beginning. She wrinkles her nose. That’s a question for later.

[There’s a cut, and Zee is smiling again]

“Speaking of pokemon types, my next question! If you could be a pokemon for a day, which one would you want to be? It can be anything! Even a glitch one, you’ll just have to explain it to me.”

Simon chuckles for the first time, finally looking somewhat at ease. "Well, I've said before I'd love to know what it's like to be an E3. They're such smart, curious creatures. I do wonder what's going on in their heads."

[His dialogue is spliced with a close up shot of the breathing giant pile of feathers in the background]

"Otherwise... maybe a 4 4? They have a very potent visualtoxin that makes them hard to look at, but the coloration is impressive, and actually really beautiful! Just a massive array of blues and greens. I do wonder what it's like to look at the world as one. They must be able to perceive many more colors than we can. I imagine it would be fascinating."

When he finishes speaking, Zee continues to watch him for another moment with a growing fond smile.

“So this isn’t one of the planned questions, but what can you tell me about the 4 4? Is that your favorite pokemon? Is it also… Bird type?”

"Oh, 4 4?" He asks, "Actually yes, it's a Bird/Normal type. I wouldn't call it my favorite pokemon, it's just one that interests me. Favorite might need to be E3 really. 4 4 are actually rather dangerous. They have the most potent visualtoxin of any pokemon besides Mimikyu. They won't kill you, like a Mimikyu will, but they can have some nasty effects if you look at them directly. Still a fascinating pokemon. We think the body may resemble an urchin, covered in spines. It's also about twenty feet tall. "

[A quick overlay of three and a half Zee’s are stacked on top of each other, helpfully labeled “<—For Scale”]

“Okay!” Zee sweeps her hand up toward the ceiling, flashing the gold underside of her cape. “Next question! WHAT is the absolute CRAZIEST thing you’ve ever done?”

"Well," He says, "I guess I did help quell the 3TrainerPoke in Celedon... but mostly I was just giving advice there. Wasn't allowed to leave the hospital. Er.. hm... I did take a trip into what I can only describe as the Backrooms once in the back of a Pokemart. Recorded the whole thing. Found the weirdest Skitty I've ever seen back there. Time really does flow differently down there."

Zee waits for a few moments after he finishes. She then grins knowingly at him and holds a finger to her painted lips. “You don’t have to censor yourself for me, mimicutie. This is an R rated stream. For frightening or disturbing content, of course, so you can keep your top on. And your bottom. And your shoes.”

There’s a pause as Simon seems to consider this. There’s a little tension in his face as if he’s uncertain about continuing, but he does. "Well, I'm sure you've seen some of the Decamark things. " He says, "You've... er ... talked about those. I've also dealt with a couple temporal surges. Those split the timeline and can show you every possible outcome of your every action. I've er... induced them once or twice. Mostly by accident. They're caused by a Pokemon move, but the effects they can cause are rather astonishing. Like... being able to see every possible eventuality spreading out in front of you like they're threads you could reach out and grab."

“Nooo way. You’re TOTALLY messing with me.” Her brilliant white grin splits her face. “So you actually, literally saw the multiverse? What… What did you see?” She takes in a dainty, likely practiced gasp. “Did you see your own DEATH? What move causes that? What… Are there long term effects?”

Simon goes a little pale, but he soldiers on. "The move is an undefined one. Name is almost unpronouncable. But when it's called, that's what it does. Splits time in a sense." He meets her eyes, "And, yes, actually. I saw every eventuality, and some of them did include my own death.

"Actually, I did see some kind of specter at the end of one of them. I don't know how to describe it. If you've ever seen a Decamark... it had a similar look to it but bigger, longer, much more... human like. Staring at it felt like staring death itself in the face. Like standing next to oblivion."

Zee’s enamored smile widens. “So what do you think you saw? Like a nihilego? Death? It sounds a lot like a light at the end of the tunnel sort of thing. How did seeing all of that not drive you totally insane?” She raises a brow, but her grin never falters. “Am I trapped in this lab with a mad man?”

[The scene cuts before he can answer. It resumes with them still in the same spot with Zee unmurdered by the potentially mad scientist]

Zee flips her vibrant pink hair over her shoulder. “So I guess you didn’t try filming that part? If it was a real thing and not just a hallucination, the camera would have detected something, right? Promise you’ll invite me over next time you’re going to do it.”

She winks at him. “Well, I’ve probably talked your ears off long enough. Do you have any questions for me or words of wisdom for your new fans?”

"Words of wisdom, well. ah...."

After a moment of scrambling for words, a little smile graces his face.

"Well, just remember to keep an open mind about the people and Pokemon you meet. Even if they're a little unpredictable, you know?"

Zee claps her hands once, emitting a sharp snap that echoes in the lab. “Okay! Thank you so much for joining us today, everyone! And Simon, thank you so much for having me. This was a lot of fun!

“Remember, everything we discussed today was done and practiced by a professional. Don’t try any of it at home. And don’t forget to follow Simon’s page to keep up with his research. He’s doing some really cool things here.”

Zee sweeps her right hand across her chest, then snaps it out to the side, flashing the golden underside of her cape.

“Again, thank you so much for your love and support! If you haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe, and I’ll see you at the next stream!

“And remember skiddos, mommy loves you!”

[The following black screen is overlayed with white text reading, “Simon took me to a corner cafe in Lilycove during his lunch break…”]

[A photo of Simon laying facedown on the ground with his pelipper perched on his back, proudly gobbling down his sandwich]

“RIP Simon’s Dignity

2023 - 2023”

Find Simon’s Decamark Vlogs: @pokeglitchden

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4