#So far ive learned i use the word Just too often

[bigbroemen]

im glad that for most of the time that i spend playing games in jp and learning and practicing, i dont have someone watching me. because you will not believe the amount of times i will have to look up a word after having already looked it up 4 times previous

[snailpaste]

Can i get some McSugarDaddy Crocodile headcannons but reader actually has feelings for croco? ive been thinking about this a little too much lately

Sugar Daddy!Crocodile x GN!Reader

CONTENT: Crocodile x GN! Reader, SFW, kind of mutual pining

AN: This isn't what i wanted but if I didn’t post it now I think it’d just go to the great fic graveyard in my drive (30 and counting) sorry for the wait ;-;

You’d caught crocodile’s eye at one of the many Gala’s he hosted (after all, charity was always a brilliant way for him to further his influence, to make connections and gain power), where he’d struck up conversation with you after asking to share a drink. It had gone well, and by the time the event had drawn to an end he’d given you his den den number and offered to pay for your taxi home.

Crocodile wasn’t one to chase after people, much more content to work on furthering himself or his many business enterprises. He simply didn’t need to – there were enough many men and women willing to fling themselves at him should he ever be in need of company – which is why he found it so strange that, not but two days after meeting you at a Gala, here he was, den-den pulled closer towards him on his desk than usual, eyes flickering to it every so often as he worked through the growing heap of paperwork.

rest under cut ->

If anyone were to ask why, not they would ever question him, he’d simply tell them he was waiting on an important business call, rather than hoping for a stranger, who’s laugh he unfortunately hadn’t been able to stop thinking about, to call.

Your arrangement started as “purely transactional,” in the words of Crocodile.

He didn’t expect sexual favours (at least, to begin with) but simply wanted your company at events, a presence beside him to help gnaw away at the tedious meetings and public appearances he endured in the name of business. You’d wake up with a voice message on your den den, telling you to be ready at 7, with details scarce aside from to check your mailbox, inside which was a new outfit fitting for whatever event he saw fit to bring you to. Over time as he learned more about you, they became more and more tailored to your tastes.

He kept things distant at the start. His touches were modest, an arm around your waist or shoulder, a hand guiding you at the small of your back, but nothing more. You found yourself begging to crave his touch, leaning into the warmth of his palm or wrapping your own around his arm.

His conversations, while interesting, never betrayed any of his true emotions, and he opted to leave you with cash rather than buying anything else for you specifically. Gradually, you began to hope might actually start to open up to you. What did he look like unguarded? How did he look when he was at peace 

As the weeks passed, you found yourself growing accustomed to his presence, the initial intimidation and curiosity replaced by a quiet comfort. Crocodile listens to whatever you have to say intently, eyes never leaving your face, always asking the right questions and relishing in the way you blush when he leans closer to you, blowing cigar smoke out the window and brushing your hair out of your face.

While Crocodile isn’t out of touch with his feelings, he does prefer to ignore them. He immediately noticed how you changed towards him, leaning your head into his hand when he cupped your cheek and laughing a little bit more openly, and sneaking looks when you thought he didn’t notice – he’d be lying if he said it didn’t make his heart feel just a little warmer.

Your dates, as you unknowingly began to phrase them much to his amusement, became far more frequent, with him using anything as an excuse to be around you for longer. Crocodile, it seemed, had an uncanny ability to understand your desires. He took you to places and events you’d been wanting to go to without you asking, such as art galleries, cosy bookstores and grand libraries, or bookings at theatres or cinemas.

Crocodile encourages you to pursue any and all of your interests- there’s nothing he admires more than when you go off on a tangent about something you’re passionate about, or your dedication. With him, money isn’t an issue, he’ll happily pay whatever fees you might need to achieve.

Your relationship progressed from you being a pretty thing draped off of his arm, another way for him to flaunt his wealth and power, to something more personal. He surprised you with a visit to something you’d mentioned excitedly to him weeks ago, booked the wing of a restaurant you fancied for just the two of you, and invited you with him to the opening evening of an exclusive art exhibition of his favourite movement.

It was only when he caught himself thinking about you with a smile while smoking his evening cigar, that crocodile decided to address how he felt– whatever it was.

After a long night that left you nodding off and leaning against him, crocodile opted to take you back to his house. He’d carried you up to a guest room with his jacket wrapped around your shoulders, placing you down in the bed and mumbling a soft good-night into your hair. It was then that, in your half-asleep stupor, you accidentally confessed your feelings, clinging sleepily to his shoulders and mumbling for him to stay with you. He didn’t make a big deal of it, but he felt his heart skip a beat, and allowed you to cuddle against his chest until you fell asleep.

The following morning he told you plainly and simply, wanting to cut the tension that ran thick as you drank him out of the corner of your eye (and how could you not, with normally slicked back hair in loose waves, ringed hands sliding you a coffee across the island, his bare chest peeking through his dark brocade dressing gown) that he was interested in you, interested in a relationship more than this.

After this, he begins to open up- lets you run your hands through his hair from behind, and stay at his house as often as you’d like. His laughs become lighter and more genuine, and you find he has a dimple in his left cheek whenever he smiles just so.

He still buys you gifts and treats you, but now they’re far more intimate, and more tailored to your tastes than ever. He takes you with him on his business trips around the globe, letting you soak in the sun or encouraging you to explore the attractions while he attends to business.

He surprises you with gifts delivered directly to your house, a box of your favourite treats, each delicately wrapped in coloured paper, a potted plant he collected from your shared trip to alabasta, or something he saw you looking at or considering buying with his own note attached. Another time, he appeared at your doorstep with an assortment of flowers, (he’s very into “classic courting”) each flower was one he picked carefully to reflect a message to you.

His love languages are quality time and acts of service, but he craves physical touch and, as you find, becomes quite clingy when he’s tired. He loves sharing baths with you, holding you to his chest and relaxing in the warm bubbles, and on his one day of rest per week, lazing around in bed with you during the early morning hours.

The time he realised he was well and truly in love with you was when you were sitting in his lap, his arm looped around your waist and hand smoothing over your cheek, as you had reached up to trace your fingertips over his raised scar. He’d felt his heart jump into his throat at the feeling, realising he’d never allow anyone else to touch him there, and when you smiled at the light dusting to his cheeks, he realised he was well and truly fucked.

[autisticlee]

I can't relate super well to autistic people who are lower support needs and high masking. the ones i've tried to be friends with get frustrated at me for ~not being able to do things that are easy for them/they were able to do~ knowing these people are autistic and observing them has made me realise I have more support needs than most of the high masking, and i'm in fact bad to nearly incapable of actually masking. this includes masking being able to function if you have responsibilities and managing your get through, no meltdowns, no shutdowns, no loss of ability, but pushing through. they expect me to have the ability and masking levels they do and get too frustrated by me lacking that. there ends up being too much of a communication barrier between us, despite both being autistic. often they communicate with me the way they do allistics because they learned how to mimic allistic communication style and it causes our communication to fall apart because I can't communicate in that manner.

but I also probably wouldn't get along with higher support needs autistic people. I admit I haven't personally tried to become friends with any, because I don't know how to friends, but also haven't met many. but just from random ones i've seen post in tumblr or twitter or from random responses ive gotten, I can't share in all their specific experiences. they make sure I know their experiences are different and harder than mine no matter how much i feel i struggle. and i've accidentally made posts that resulted in at least a few getting upset at me because they feel like i'm not taking their needs/struggles seriously by trying to speak about mine and having some overlap on both the high and low sides. while probably seeming more "low support needs" and less struggling due growing up obsessed with words and grammar and writing. I tried super hard to find ways to communicate better with people since I couldn't speak to them, so I desperately learned how to write as well as I could. it has taken more than half an hour just to write this so far. very tired...

anyway, back on topic, they think I don't need as much support, so I can't speak up about needing support? not sure. even obsession with words doesn't mean saying right words and people understand. people still misunderstand. I try to take their feelings into consideration, but i'm still not sure what they want from me exactly? there's a communication barrier with high support needs just as much as with the lower support needs and allistics.

i'm always told when posting about friendship/people struggles "you just need to find/be friends with other autistic people! you can't expect to get along with allistics!" but these people saying this don't know I am talking about other autistic people. it's mostly people who tell me they're autistic who have misunderstood me and hurt me because they are ones I try to talk to.

anyway the point of this long ramble post where I keep getting off topic is I feel stuck in the middle. like i'm between the low support needs and the high support needs. is medium support needs real? I only see high and low talked about. I can't mask, have meltdowns, sensory processing and executive dysfunction problems so bad I can't do normal daily things correctly like shower and brush teeth and make food, am forced to do things I can't/mess up every time because i'm denied any help and support, so suffer alone, then I burn out in a single day. talking is very difficult, and i'm still punished if I don't do it. can't get jobs. pushed to mask but reminded I can't do it right no matter what and it upsets people...I'm rambling off topic again

I don't see many post (if any? can't remember) talking about "medium" support needs autistics. would I get along with them better? or would our needs and struggles still clash? dont know. but would be cool to relate at least if I saw more posts. writing this was too tiring. not going to proofread. hope makes sense and doesn't upset anyone because words are wrong and explained bad. but too tired to fix sorry. Just needed ramble for myself

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

i guess i need some. advice? encouragement? about some stuff thats been happening recently so suicide/violence cw under the cut

i won't go into detail but i had. a very huge emotional/physical/mental breakdown today. where i was just. basically screaming and howling about how suicidal ive been lately. I haven't said anything out loud/via text on the internet abt it because i know saying i want to kms so often is bad for my own well being and ultimately makes other uncomfortable as well

so yeah i've just been. holding all that in. i knew the thoughts were coming in and out the past few months but was just shrugging it off as just being stressed abt the nightmare year i had. but i really was just. lying to myself and others because i didnt want to worry anyone/didn't want to admit how horrible i was doing after a couple years of good progress. but as it stands things are heading into a really bad direction for me rn. its not normal to go to sleep suicidal and immediately be suicidal upon waking up.

I don't really know what i can really do harm reduction wise. i'm unable to have regular visits with a psychiatrist/therapist bc of availability issues + i tend to just. lie. because its easier to say im fine than it is to advocate for myself and get actual help. and even then medication will not save me and coping skills can only go so far if im so deep in it im unable to take care of myself/feed myself/clean myself/eat/etc so none of it is effective enough in the moment. i know it CAN be effective and some of the skills ive learned can help during situational issues but this is really deep rooted improperly treated mental illness and i need a stronger foundation to be able to use any of the skills

i use a means of self isolation to punish myself, because i'm so upset with myself for not being able to pick myself up on my own. people can say im not a burden over and over but theres always gonna be a catch in the end. i freak out because what if this is one of my last meltdowns before they decide enoughs enough and i just get abandoned. again.

I feel like maybe being so Online is making things worse?? but i don't know??? my concentration is completely gone even when trying to use dnd/closing discord completely and im just constantly refreshing social media every 10 seconds and just stew in the bad feelings.

I don't know if just. leaving the internet cold turkey for a bit would do more harm than good.....i dont want to be alone and caught up in my thoughts. but i have a hard time doing things in 'moderation' and don't know how to even begin to roll back my internet/screen time usage

fandom is fun and great. but i dont think i should be using video games as pure escapism or playing them 24/7. im already getting bored and unenthusiastic about the things i like because its ALL i do.... I want to have at least SOME time away from screens. i hate having the impulse the check social media or refresh even 30 seconds (im even doing it NOW) but i just dont know where to begin in cultivating non-screentime hobbies and have the ability to focus on things more long term without having than doing 1000 things all at once to keep myself busy. i play video games muted most of the time, have a yt video playing, sometimes i'll stop mid video game and pull out my ipad while still having the games open, and im always on discord

there's books i still want to read, i eventually want to pick up sewing again. im considering getting a craft set for making those beaded bracelets (my brother gets them from concerts all the time and thinks it would be fun to make them too) but that all requires money

and i just. idk where im going with this rn but. any advice or suggestions or just. words of encouragement would be. really nice rn

[my-castles-crumbling]

hello cas! how are you?

i just wanted to ask something, i dont know, maybe have a little validation? im not sure

i have and regularly use a tumblr blog, and im an active ao3 author who will often project onto characters, both because its easier to write what i know and also because it makes for good storytelling. theres one thing though that i never talk about, not on my blog and not in my writing, but i feel like i should be?

i dont remember the silly medical word for it, but theres some condition on my dad's side of the family where weve got a higher chance of going blind, and usually earlier in life than most. my aunt has it, my grandfather had it, my older brother has it, and i have it. i didnt know my grandfather bc he died before i was born, but i know it only started affecting my aunt a little into her 50s, though it was much earlier for me and my brother (hes 27 and has about 50% of his vision, and im 20 and have about 70%, and for both of us what we have is also very blurred)

again, its not really something i talk about. ive been learning braille for when the inevitable comes (so far ive learned the alphabet and common conjunctions i can expect, so now im moving onto becoming more comfortable and confident feeling it all out) and honestly im pretty okay about it. its not that ive given up, im just... neutral? i have my peace with it. im working with what ive got or whatever, i dunno

but i feel like i should be... doing something with it? like, sharing my experience or using my writing to create representation. im always reading about people projecting their disabilities onto characters (especially remus, in place of his lycanthropy in muggle aus) like deafness, or epilepsy, or chronic pain, or migraines, but i rarely read about blind characters/sight impaired characters, and i just wonder like... should i be writing that? should i be doing something?

i dont know if this even makes sense haha. i just feel some sort of obligation to talk about it, but especially because i already project onto my characters with my mental health issues etc it almost feels like id also be writing about myself *too* much? it feels like theres no winning

im also sort of nervous that if i *did* bring it up on my blog now, that people might think im just making it up or something because ive never mentioned it before. i also dont know everything about it, and if people asked me something i didnt have an answer to, im afraid of that too. as though just because im losing my vision i should know every single thing there is to know about blindness. its silly and i know that, but it still makes me nervous to talk about it after all this time

Hi! <3

I understand why you feel this way, but please know that you don't owe anyone anything just because you have a disability. You're not obligated to be an activist or educator, in any way, shape, or form. There are plenty of aspects of my life I choose not to talk about and boundaries I draw when it comes to talking about my life on tumblr, and that's okay! Nobody who is part of a group that needs representation has to be the person to create that representation. For example, while I work to create trans representation in my writing, I choose not to address a lot of my childhood trauma. Sure, I could write about having a parent who is an addict, but I choose not to, and that's a choice I'm allowed to make, just as you are!

However, if you DO choose to talk about it and someone accuses you of faking? 1. Ew. Block them. 2. Send them to me. That's horrible and they need to be yelled at.

Naming you validation anon

[bloodsbane]

ive just entered year 1 winter in fields of mistria; here is my personal ranking of each romance option SO FAR (please note progression is currently capped at 4 hearts):

march: favorite, easily. his design is exactly my type, his rough attitude piqued my curiosity, i find him sooooo cute. like i thought i'd be capable of being Normal about him at first, because i actually do not traditionally go for the Kinda Mean for No Apparent Reason characters (coughshanecough), but then i got to the first friday night where he's tipsy and blushing and smiles at you and says you should sit with him and that "you're not actually that bad" and i was like Uh Oh. Oh NO. i NEED to be allowed to kiss this guy asap

balor: unexpectedly becoming a front-runner romance option. i like his vibe of trying to come off mostly unattached, but he's clearly invested in mistria. a lone traveler perhaps beginning to yearn for a home and kinship... again, a man i wanna see open up more...

adeline: i do have a weakness for workaholic women. i really like how proactive she is with mistria's restoration, i think it's suuuper cute that when she's working w someone they'll do the little clipboard animations; she someone juggling a lot of responsibility with optimism and enthusiasm and it's appealing!

celine: unexpectedly high in the rankings; i thought she'd be boring bc she's the box cover, kinda basic blonde 'girl next door' type with the most predictable interest given her genre. BUT imo the writing has kept her feeling sweet and charming enough that i just genuinely enjoy scenes with her and find her mildly cute

juniper: slightly less in respect to being romancable, but im into learning more about HER and, once again, seeing if there's more depth to her past the superior, slightly mysterious, perhaps even untrustworthy exterior... im noticing a trend here

reina: id LIKE to enjoy her more! at this point im the list, my main issue with the other romance candidates becomes evident: they stay a bit one-note for the most part, mostly being nice while having their "thing" and not much else (yet?). but reina is SUUUPER cute so i hope i there's more to her that i get to discover

hayden: i found him fairly one-note until he invited me over for tea, then i think i got his appeal. i can get into a boisterous but gentle and slightly silly man with a beloved chicken roommate. if he reveals a bit more depth to his personality he could climb easily

eiland: he's very sweet, and i definitely think of all the cast he gets the idea of 'this Thing is an actual hyperfixation of mine' across most genuinely. what i mean is, it feels less like him being an NPC with a niche interest that covers some element of the game and more like he's just a huge dweeb frfr, which i like. however, subsequently, he DOES suffer from the Kind of Bland curse. i admit though, im intrigued at the idea that he uses his special interest in history as a means of navigating feelings and interactions with others, like the idea that being more present and engaging people directly kinda freaks him out? this is all inferred by his response to receiving liked gifts, so there's not like, A Lot to go off of, BUT it does intrigue me. i'd be suuuper interested if that's actually an element to his characterization

valen: I THINK SHE'S THE HOTTEST WOMAN, but unfortunately i have no real need for going to the clinic so i don't check in on her often, and funny enough she just seems so mature like TOO mature for me?? lol ;lksjdfl;kj im getting actually intimidated by a hot older woman and i think it's affecting my ability to see her as a real candidate. maybe once i see more heart events w her i'll change my mind, i actually don't think i've seen any yet?? LOL

ryis: i like his vibe i think he'd be, like, a great option for a Best Friend, he's chill and thoughtful and helpful, but uuuuuuuuuum unfortunately. i do think he is a bit. BORING is too strong and rude a word but maybe just Quiet, like he's purposefully trying to wallflower. which i admit colors me curious, but yeah for now, so far, haven't gotten a strong read on him so he's just the least interesting of the lot atm. i do think that him being friends with march is very cute tho

THOSE ARE MY CURRENT THOUGHTS... i actually typed up way more than i thought i would. if any of yall are playing you should tell me who your faves are. or if you're not playing but you've seen the NPCs you should tell me who you think is the cutest/who you'd go for just based on vibes. pls im dying to talk about this game w people-

[youredreamingofroo]

a bit of a message talking about inactivity and my possible hiatus. I dont know if this counts as a cw but i talk about depression here and there at the beginning (nothing graphic) and as usual, its a rant

im gonna be straight honest rn, i'm probably not gonna be active on tumblr for these next few days, ive been super up and down depressed and im just unmotivated and too tired to do anything, im still gonna check in here and there but dont expect me to reblog or reply to many posts, if at all. This could mark the beginning of a hiatus, but with mood swings and up and down depression, i could be back, active as ever tomorrow. Ever since ive uninstalled Sims 4, i did feel a weight lift off my shoulders, but simultaneously made me depressed due to the lack of... well... doing something, i dont... really know how to put it into words, its just something in my brain that i just cant explain, i guess a good way to put it is playing sims 4 gave me the motivation to stem off into other mediums, blender for example, gave me something to do, something to learn, and while i can still use blender, i just get progressively slower and slower at doing stuff in it because of my limited resources, some scenes i want to do require specific outfits and i dont have the facilities to make those outfits... i mean i probably do but i just dont feel motivated to do all that. I still play other games, ive been playing a lot of slime rancher 2 and have been trying to branch out to other games (indie games and bigger games), I want to post gameplay but if youve seen me rant about tumblr before, one of my biggest gripes is just how fucking annoying it is to upload images, so i just get completely unmotivated to post images/gameplay especially if its just some silly post. if uh if anyone is still reading this, ill be honest, i havent even been motivated to write about WAS at all, probably havent touched the planning doc in about 2 weeks. This... 'spiral'... has been noticeable for me for the last week as my sleep schedule gets swapped around from sleeping at night and awake during the day... to sleeping during the day and awake at night, this is all my fault, but its also just something that happens rotationally for me, i go from sleeping VERY early in the evening (6PM at the earliest) and waking at VERY early times in the morning (4AM at the latest) to sleeping VERY late in the morning (6AM at the earliest) and waking up late in the evening (3PM at the latest), i dont really know what causes the shift, but it happens, and i often blame myself for it even though i dont know what causes it...

anyways sorry, this will probably mark a very iffy hiatus, like i said ill be active but not... super active, i didnt check tumblr at all yesterday/monday, so thats kind of the pattern to expect from me depending on the day. In the meantime... i might try to get back into older sims games, ive mentioned this before, but i do have sims 1 on my laptop so maybe ill post stupid little gameplay posts from there (granted i havent played in like... a month 😐). I'll probably put up a poll after this post for people to vote on which sims game i should play- i KNOW i did it once before but im probably gonna do it again cuz i cant find the post and i have over 1000 posts 😭

if you read thus far, thank you for sticking around, if your a random person who read this for no reason... thanks? if your a follower of mine and cant understand where im coming from with this lengthy post, see yourself out or deal with it 🙃 otherwise, thank you all and i will be lurking about

[pinkyjulien]

Hi, i really hope im not bothering you by sending a modding question... i am absolutely brand new to even thinking about modding, and i know theres a big discord out there, but ive mostly heard horror stories coming out of the community so im honestly terrified to even check it out... im just wondering if you have any idea if its feasible to make a mod of Padre's shirt for V? (The one w the sweater over a collared shirt, i feel like ive seen it on other random npcs as well) not asking you to do it or anything, but its one ive never seen in mods so idk if its already been tried by modders and everyone decided "nah this wont work". Again, so sorry if you dont want to be bugged with questions like this, you honestly just feel like one of the most approachable people ive seen in this fandom so far and trying to make any cp77 friends has proven extremely intimidating.

Heya!! It's always ok to ask modding questions, you don't bother at all 🤲

I can't blame you for not wanting to get your feet into big servers, it can get quite overwhelming and frustrating when nobody seems to notice you. Tho I recommend using them as modding-wiki extension! It can be useful to search for solution, plugins and softwares, discord exclusive tutorials, or catch someone's getting help for a similar problem for example. There is no need to be active :3 but no pressure ofc, just know that it's totally ok to join these servers to just lurk

Now for Padre's shirt! I won't be able to do it (not right now at least) so I'll throw infos and direction if anyone else wanna give it a try 🤏

Here's the path to Padre's mesh -

base\characters\garment\gang_valentino\torso\t1_078_shirt__sweater\t1_078_ma_shirt__sweater_old.mesh

Tho we can see its all wonky compared to a regular MA mesh, and that's because this one is specifically fitted for old' Padre (it's even in the mesh file name, _old)

To make a version useable for masc V, we'll need to combine a few meshes available in the same folder!

The main piece: t1_078_ma_shirt__sweater.mesh

The bottom part: t1_078_ma_shirt__sweater_shirt.mesh

The cuffs: t1_078_ma_shirt__sweater_cuffs.mesh

And one of the two available collar: t1_078_ma_shirt__sweater_collar_01.mesh or _collar_02.mesh

All of these should already fit into one another, but if not a lil refit in blender should do the trick!

Then I can only point out to the Modding Wiki and its numerous tutorials for the AXL part (making a standalone clothing mod)

I also recently added my own AXL Workflow in my Tutorial Drive; I'm planning on writing a proper one, for now it's only screenshots from an old private tutorial I made for a friend, some infomartion are outdated (I've learned a lot since then as well) but it can still be useful, hopefully!

Thank you for the ask and for your kind words 🧡 I'm sorry to hear the community hasn't been too welcoming, but there are a lot of good souls willing to help and guide if needed!

A big server that I often recommend is The Cyberpunks; it's a fandom focused server, really chill and friendly, not based entierly on modding but its modding channels are pretty active! I lurk in there, you can catch me in the modding and screenshots area :>

If big servers are out of the picture, I totally recommend trying to get into a smaller server; small bubbles can be more comfortable when the members are well spirited and positive :3

I hope you'll find your place and people you vibe with 🧡 and hope the few info on Padre's shirt can be useful, to you or anyone out there seeing this that might want to give it a try! With a few recolors I'm sure it can be a cute, cozy corpo-ish attire ✨👌

[stellewriites]

twenty questions for fic writers 🫡

thanks for the tag @syoddeye!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

50

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

699,806

3. what fandoms do you write for?

oh god, ongoing or previous too?? uhm currently batfam, star wars, cod, st - but i’ve had a few extra that i used to write for too

4. top five fics by kudos

i’m not linking them all bc some are,,,, far from my best work. also can u tell i love a long lyric title?

if you can’t give me all, give me nothing ; memorise the way you make me feel ; the way you move like you do ; i’m addicted to the way i feel when i think of you ; took the words right out of my mouth

5. do you respond to comments?

literally every single one,, before getting this account back a few months ago it was the only way i interacted w people in the fandoms so 🤷‍♀️ sometimes it might take a week tho but i try to be quick

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don’t tend to do angst endings? like even in darker angsty fics i usually twist it so it’s like dubcon happy at the end 🥴🥴 sooo maybe either no grave can hold my body down or can i steal a kiss or two? or even choices made in anger

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

liiiiiterally any other fic i’ve ever written lmao

8. do you get hate on fics?

not often? BUT i usually do fluff fics and when i started dabbling in darker stuff that’s when i got more hate - specifically on one fic in particular

9. do you write smut?

yeah! not all the time but maybe 65%

10. craziest crossover:

i dont really do crossovers but my last mando fic was inspired by justified if that counts?

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of,, again im not very online to be able to know :/

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yeah! just one but now i dont do it,, learning curve for me

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

almost when i was first starting out writing 6 years back but it fell through - katy if ur still out there i hope ur enjoying life <3

14. all time favorite ship?

ffffuckkkkkk i don’t think i can choose bc i dip in and out so often but i do tend to always come back to jaytim? they’re my for lifers i think but soap x reader is a close second atm

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i’ll always finish my wips bc i can’t stand to see them unfinished,, but it’s been like three years since i first said i was going to write my sci-fi dystopian jaytim fic and im still not past the first paragraph :/

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m good at dialogue and catching accents and nailing personalities pretty quick,,

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i’m so fucking slow. if nothing else, watching people write for cod on here has shown me how quick everyone else seems to be able to write :’)

and also with longer fics i’ve gotten into the (bad) habit of leaving out like integral details that i assume the reader will just know bc ive been too in my own head about it all and ive forgotten what i’ve established already; leads to decisions looking like they’ve come out of nowhere or random personality changes

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i’ve attempted it but i have to google translate it so i try to keep it to a minimum and ask for correction in the comments. sometimes i do it italicised but written in english so readers can understand that it’s meant to be another language but dont have to skip to the bottom notes or another tab to understand what’s being said

19. first fandom you wrote in?

teen wolf 🥴

20. favorite fic you've written?

idk if i’ve got a favourite,, in hindsight a lot of the ones i think about most fondly are the ones that absolutely killed me off when writing so i’ve got real rose tinted glasses about them all. however these are few that should get honourable mentions just because i like them and they didn’t pop up earlier

whew this was long i think i yapped ontoo much lmao but it was so fun!!

no pressure tags: @glossysoap @mikichko @kyletogaz @femalefemur @sentientcave @gemmahale @madstronaut and anyone else who wants to give it a go!!

[mejomonster]

So ive been trying to note writing styles as i read lately, to learn maybe how to improve the way i write to more of the result id like to have and also to notice what i like or dislike. What ive liked so far:

im not the only writer in the world who changes fucking tense so my inner-critique should shut the fuck up please, many authors exposition dump or do a quick tell sentence for unimportant quick transitions and frankly both these techniques work well and serve functions (examples i read recently: priest gives a lot of exposition actually, meanwhile brom gives less and may write more like me and both approaches i Enjoy, In The Dark's author does quick Tell sentences to move the investiagtion since evidence collecting and traveling To case ijterest points isnt ncessarily the focus - the scenes AT those locations and scenes figuring Out those clues are more key...and i realize many mystery plot novels and shows do this to move the pace better and focus on the most important scenes), i realized some authors do rely heavily primarily on just Dialogue-Action information and little else (which in my head for my own writing i guess i had thought i could only do for plot outlines not actual full scene writing) and some do give exposition or inner world reflection but only in key instances (Observations by janon does this minimal inner reflection then used for impact more in certain moments and does it Well, versus Murakami who i love who... extensively uses inner world perception and thoughts and that definitely reflects in how often i similarly fall into doing it).

I realized some authors do creative weird shit where grammar breaks, quotes and references to other stories are used, where the entire scene becomes purposefully cojfusing and prose practically turns into poetry in how Feeling suddenly takes over as the goal of the writing instead of clarity. Again Observations does this (with some beautiful moments and quotes), and Murakami loves doing this shit sometimes (and i love doing this too but often reign myself in out of worry im doing Too Much rule breaking). Theres authors like Suzanne Collins that write in present tense (i love present tense), theres ursula le guin who utilizes em dashes and i probably got my sentence style from her long ago, i like stephen kings descriptions a lot (and to a degree i hope i try for similar things).

Ive realized that while i miss how concisely i wrote a decade ago, compared to my long winding chapters now, and i admire writers who stick to primarily dialogue-action cause wow i wish i could it looks easier... i also would like to try putting more exposition in since some of my favorite writers do it more than me. And i realize i like my particular way of describing things in stories. Sure, just action setting descriptions would be easier. But like... im still not sure where i picked up the way i describe stuff. But i like how i do. (My guess is maybe Murakami or stephen king but i am not quite sure to be honest).

Like.

These bits are rough and im probably going to do sigmificant changes one day in editing. But i quite liked these bits of my writing ive done recently:

Khan's eyes are like two golden suns, burning through the hesitant guard, as if to consume. / Maybe Khan had always known. As he sat there, crumbling into the wooden floor, his face sinking lower and lower as it grew damp. / "I'm sorry," Misery had said, in the end. Over and over / Danny's in the water, fumbling deeper and deeper and resolutely ignoring the coldness seeping in, as the boys at the shore laugh and shout words he's no longer hearing. / The blossoms were frosting now, as she'd expected. Little specks of white glazed across them. Like the white scales of the god Tajin, the white knuckles of the man beside her as he kept himself from shattering the stone ledge against his palms.

[gayhenrycreel]

jesus christ it sucks to have to carefully read every post about palestine to check for american antisemitism, and check posts (note, this is only posts made by gentiles as far as ive seen) on this antisemitism for american islamophobia.

if you're wondering why i dont reblog many posts about palestine, its because they either have zero sources and are just screenshots from twitter (and yes, some twitter account you only know of from screenshots is not a reliable source), or are full of (hopefully unintended) nazi dogwhistles.

you need to learn these dogwhistles. dont just reblog posts about them. actually memorize them, study examples of them, train your brain to recognise them as efficiently as you do a swastika.

trust me, you can train your brain to immediately set off the alarms if you recognise one.

ive trained myself to recognise a lot of dogwhistles, not all of them of course, because theres so many, but thats why its a continuous effort.

this link is a wiki that contains a list of alt right dogwhistles on another page too.

okay, before you set off the fire alarm, read this post first:

this link does discuss extreme antizionism.

i will say first that antizionism AND zionism can both be antisemitic (see; christian zionism and the second coming of christ), but they are not always.

I AM NOT SAYING ANTIZIONISM IS BAD.

i consider myself antizionist. im an anarchist, how could i possibly support a state?

what i am saying is that those who are already antisemitic are using antizionism as an excuse for antisemitism. this can and does occur on the left. leftwing conspiracy theories do exist (some are actually the same as rightwing ones. you think the rich are collaborating together do you? who are those rich people? cause it certainly isnt the billionares who have no reason at all to like each other. whos controlling western media? is it the west? nah it must be that really small country thats basically owned by america, the westernest west to ever west.).

this applies to you.

every single human being carries the antisemitism we learned from society. i am not exempt. you are not exempt.

you may genuinely believe that you are not an antisemite. you hate hitler, right?

but you likely still think big noses are ugly. you think that the trope of a hook nosed greedy trader is just about elon musk dont you?

do you feel threatened by the use of hebrew? i did until just last year.

in western society, its rare for someone to have multiple native languages. you speak english. you hear someone speak words you dont understand. your immediate reaction is to wonder if they are up to something. talking shit about you? maybe even plotting terrorism?

of course you feel threatened by the use of other languages, youve been trained to think its suspicious.

train yourself to just not care when someone casually speaks hebrew, or arabic, or navajo in your proximity. if you dont care when people speak english, you shouldn't care when people speak another language. your not trying to eavesdrop right?

this subtle bigotry is why you are probably antisemitic, even if you are a perfect little leftist.

i want to talk about the blood libel being spouted by way to many leftists.

shockingly few people actually know what blood libel means.

basically, its a 1000 year old conspiracy theory claimng that jewish people steal and eat christian babies. this is all over media. did you see the new doctor who special? it was horrible.

in media this is often tied with goblins, which are historically (and often continue to be) portrayed as an antisemitic stereotype. SURELY YOU CAN RECOGNISE THAT BIG NOSED GREEDY GOBLINS CONTROLLING THE ECONOMY IS ANTISEMITIC.

okay, disclaimer, children are dying in gaza. israel is killing them.

but dont act like this is the only thing happening. they are not actively sending soldiers out to kill children specifically. this is equally affecting adults.

dont believe me that blood libel is being applied?

i saw some tumblr users joking about how the idf is kidnapping children and eating them. i went to their blogs to block them, expecting to see 88 everywhere (88 is code for hh, or hail hitler, btw), but no THEY WERE ALL "ANTIZIONIST" LEFTISTS WITH ACAB IN THEIR BIOS. those jokes are bad for everyone, its blood libel and making fun of actual victims of genocide.

sorry, im just... pissed off that my mutuals will reblog something about how using this as an excuse for antisemitism is bad, but still reblog posts full of dogwhistles.

a mutual of a mutual even reblogged a post claiming that antisemitism has not increased and that its a lie. i wont block you, ive seen your better reblogs, and it only happened once, but i urge you to properly read what you reblog.

i dont blame anyone for not knowing. ive had things to learn too. but please, stop reblogging globalist conspiracy theories.

as i write this its 4:20 sorry you may continue reading.

im not trying to be a dick. i dont blame you. i blame society. and this is not a you thing either.

its also a me thing.

its an everyone thing.

i also hate being challenged (i once punched a teacher for being wrong about the sun).

being challenged is how we learn.

ive also reblogged posts i really should not have reblogged.

i was ignorant. it will undoubtedly happen again.

unlearning bigotry is a lifelong commitment.

oh my god i just remembered how 8 year old me believed in phrenology.

i really hold nothing against you.

remember how most queer people were homophobic before The Realization?

we as a society need to go through that process of acceptance. you will never get everything right. none of us will.

what matters is trying

[certified-anakinfucker]

📖 RN NOW PLS

you have no idea how far back i had to go in my OLD ask tag to find this fucking link. i love you kebbie i really do and i hope this genuinely proves it - so send me a book for a daydreamed story of mine! trust me i have many!

this ask has deadass been in my box for two years now um. holy fuck. its gonna be super long bc this is actually my excuse to force myself to figure out how this fucking story actually goes. youre my sacrificial lamb, babe <3

under the cut for toxic/abusive relationship themes | mostly stemming from not putting an end to toxic cycles and briefly refusing to believe it was an issue

so i had this old ass wip, right. it was called parisian lovers despite no one in the entire story being french whatsoever and it was basically a love story for a sexual relationship with danger turning into a genuine view into what happens when you dont. like check yourself before running headlong into what you think you want

ive since started readapting it to (surprise) swtor and an excuse to explore sith pureblood (henceforth referred to as "tsis") cultures surrounding whats considered normal in their dating/relationships, and also how it challenges familial relationships

the details of it are super fuzzy mostly bc all the meat of it was lost to twitter dms that i refuse to open. so heres a quick fast easy rundown

basically, youve got tsiksos. he is the third born and third son of an extremely powerful and wealthy union of bloodlines, and since hes really not the most important one, he decides he wants to study a niche theory of dark arts. something about how channeling power needed to cast sorcery can be amplified through vocals and choreography. basically he went to a contemporary dance school for the shadow wizard money gang

tsiksos meets ûtainoz, who is practically a beast in this school. he sees the valedictorian spot and hes steamrolling anyone he needs to. hes ruthless, hes heartless, hes a smooth-talker, he will do anything to get his way, and tsiksos found that hot and sexy and definitely worth falling in love with

predictably, this goes terribly. tsiksos doesnt know what the hell he walked into, only that he may as well enjoy it because hes sleeping with the hottest, most talented guy at this school. ûtainoz got a little too comfortable, though, and by the end of their tenure there lost his valedictorian spot to tsiksos,,, who was also gunning for it right under his nose

but whatever, its fine, they go their separate ways with the taste of one anothers venom permanently burned in each others mouths. they both fill their own niches. ûtainoz goes into more of a performative, traveling role and relies on his aesthetic rather than his power - whereas tsiksos followed through with his intent and deepened his connection to the dark arts through what he learned. he became something of a siren, honestly

anyway anyway anyway. tsiksos moves off of his homeworld. he decides he wants to actively burn fires through everywhere ûtainoz has been. and hes extremely successful. he wants to win, he needs to win, he will win. he meets utajhaiw while in the new city, and while poor utajhaiw falls in love - tsiksos sees someone he can keep close with him if he just uses all the right words.

which works! theyre together, its great, theyre fucking almost daily. but they argue every hour. to the point where it gets violent more often than not with tsiksos on the offensive. the arguments are largely fabricated or instigated out of boredom. but isnt it worth it for the sloppy nasty disgusting hateful makeup sex?

yeah well. the neighbors of their apartment dont think so. theyve nearly called the cops every time, until neighbor laishtzi comes over to investigate what just hit the wall. he gets pulled, literally, into the middle of their fuck. his partner rîshja follows and, likewise, gets pulled into the middle of their fuck. its like some sort of apology thing for them too and it becomes regular.

enter: their friend nunjor, a lawyer (i think. something like that) who also ! gets pulled into the sex life. whats worse is that both tsiksos and utajhaiw both fell in love with nunjor and wanted to have him as a permanent third.

sometime after this, the whole hatefucking thing gets a little too hateful. tsiksos actually genuinely nearly kills utajhaiw, and hes starting to hide the knives in earnest. nunjor suggests that they attend actual couples' things instead of just their joint performances where utajhaiw plays and tsiksos conjures something.

they try it. they enjoy it. their relationship actually improves. they make a vase together in a ceramics class.

by the way, utajhaiw has asthma. tsiksos has been stressing him out so bad hes started smoking. on purpose. yes it is what you think it is and tsiksos thinks its hot because he wants to shotgun the smoke from his mouth

anyway, something happens and tsiksos starts backsliding. they have another argument and he breaks their ceramic vase. all that dust from the glaze and the clay triggers a pretty bad asthma attack, bad enough that the neighbors come over (it had been so long without an incident) and call the paramedics to come get him. utajhaiw actually snaps at tsiksos in the middle of literally coughing himself to death, and this is uh. a little traumatizing. because its never been this bad before.

utajhaiw makes it to the hospital fine, refuses to see tsiksos, and nunjor is on utajhaiw's side - that was fucking uncalled for, dude. tsiksos goes back to their apartment, alone for the first time since they bought it together. naturally he should not be alone at this time

laishtzi phones a friend, kaqur (psychiatrist-adjacent) and his partner jashru (probably a psychologist, if not professional "wtf is wrong with you, stop that"). they agree to take tsiksos in while utajhaiw is back home with his family.

its about a year i think? that tsiksos stays with them, basically on s-watch, and it turns out he has a really severe derealization + depersonalization whammy going on, spurned from still dressing the way ûtainoz liked him to dress and the way other people wanted to see his body. he punched through a mirror. so once he started dressing in looser, more comfortable clothing - surprise! he felt better!!!

(meanwhile, utajhaiw spent a year at home strengthening his lungs again, writing songs and poetry, and reconsidering his entire life. spoiler alert: he actually was in love with tsiksos)

but things are never easy. at some point, tsiksos has a bit of a meltdown and breaks out of his little prison, steals the spare key to his apartment, and ends up burrowing in the bed wearing utajhaiws clothes and sleeping on his side of the bed because he feels so fucking bad about what he did to him. but uhhhhhhh.

apparently nunjor also decided to pay a visit that night. and tsiksos, in some nightmare-sleep-haze, reacts to nunjor trying to wake him as if he were ûtainoz - meaning he tried to apologize through offering his body. rubbing his hands on his thighs, face in his crotch (since nunjor was standing at the side of the bed). when nunjor gently corrected him and woke him (not that he would have been upset at the idea of fucking him again, buth he didnt seem to be in the right headspace) it actually uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sent tsiksos into a worse panic. scrambling out of the bed. tripping on something. breaking a glass.

oh, hello ptsd - it sure is nice crab-scrambling backwards on your hands and bare feet over glass while hyperventilating and sobbing so hard you genuinely cant see. again, laishti and rîshja to the rescue getting him back to kaqur and jashru.

so heres where the fun happens. ûtainoz comes back. hes genuinely changed for the better, he is apologetic. he wants to make it up to the person he hurt the worst. does tsiksos take him up on that? yes. should he have? yes, actually, because he needed the closure.

they start rekindling what little flame they had together. days turn into weeks, months, and theyre getting along just fine. apparently nunjor had left, and tsiksos had no comm - by the time tsiksos noticed, it was uh. almost a little too late.

theres a time where tsiksos and ûtainoz are in a speeder together and ohhhh nunjor is a poet, its in his full name, but he also composes. he sings. and he sings about how badly someone has just lifted him higher than ever before dropping him down into nothing. tsiksos has a breakdown on the lawn of some random recreational park.

things will get better again, though! somewhere along the way, tsiksos and ûtainoz make peace with who they are and who they were. nunjor comes back and he and tsiksos talk it out. they forgive each other. and then tsiksos and utajhaiw reunite. they explain a lot. they forgive each other.

tsiksos/utajhaiw/nunjor throuple endgame is the only thing that matters to me actually.

thanks for coming to my ted talk i love you so much

[weenwrites]

hello!! is it okay if i ask for a romantic matchup from transformers prime? im a big fan of ur blog!! C:

so a bit about me, im a she/her and an INFP-t like literally everyone else on the internet but thats ok. im optimistic and sensitive and i always try my best to be kind, polite and friendly to everyone. im a bit moody and sometimes shy but nowadays i try to do whatever i want regardless of what people might think of me. im creative and curious and i like having fun!!! my friends often describe me as weird but in a good kind of way, as if im some strange whimsical creature 👽 im super artsy and express my weird style proudly, both in the way i dress and how i present myself. i know u said physical appearance doesn't matter but ive had a buzz cut for around half a year now and it kinda became a part of my personality lol

hobbieees. oh i have many :D overall i enjoy anything creative that requires using my hands, but i mostly spend my days drawing, playing instruments, sewing or studying. i also really like the outdoors and often explore new local and even far away places just for the fun of it. i constantly try and experiment with new things and activities. because it's just fun

i love nature, art, animals, bugs. oh im a huge bug lover. the weirder the bug the better. i like learning new things, i like space, horror movies, sweets, music, fruit, flowers, funky earrings. i like a lot of things. on the other hand there's not much things i dislike, except for the usual like.... idk bad people? violence? drama? but yeah everyone dislikes that. however specific things that i don't like include getting yelled at, being babied/underestimated and ppl who are way too pessimistic.... i don't dislike the people, just the view. it can be so exhausting to deal with🙁🙁

i express my love mostly through words and actions! i like making my friends feel good by complimenting them or giving them gifts like small trinkets and stuff😈 but sometimes i put a bit more thought into my gifts and craft small cards, drawings, bracelets or plushies for them

i like everyone but im not sure how to describe my type. aside from the usual criteria like being kind and caring towards me there's not much that i am looking for specifically. i don't need someone eccentric such as myself i just want someone who likes my weirdness and who looks at me like 😍😍 oh yeahhhh THAT'S my little gremlin

OK SORRY THIS IS SO LONG describing oneself for a matchup feels like opening up to a therapist. anyway thankyou so much for reading this all ily 🙏💞💞 here's a flower for u!!! 🌻

✎ A/N: Aa! Thank you!! I don't mind that it was long, if anything it helped me write some more stuff! Also your forgot to include your sexuality, but I hope you enjoy the match up! The rest is under the cut since it's pretty long ˆˆ

[ Please do not repost, plagiarize, or use my writing for AI! Translating my work with proper credit is acceptable, but please ask first! ]

Smokescreen

He's rather enthusiastic to have a partner he cares for so much, but if you've told him or if he's noticed that you'd prefer for him to turn down the hype a little, he'll definitely try to be a little more "chill" about it. He's rather inexperienced, but he's always eager to do his best in any situation, and when it comes to you he tries to bring his A-game and do his best to make you feel happy and loved.

He would absolutely love to learn about new things with you! Despite how he may seem, he's actually pretty knowledgable (when it comes to cybertronian artifacts and history, of course) and a fast learner. That isn't to mention that as a new-comer to Earth, he intends to learn as much as he can about the planet, not only because he thinks it'd be good to better understand the species he's trying to protect, but also out of genuine interest himself.

So if there are any interesting facts about the planet that you'd like to share with him, or books you'd be willing to lend him, you'll be his go-to source for everything there is to know about earth and humans. (A brief callback to one of my other things, this of course means that he'll be calling you whenever he has a question about something, but the more he does it, the more it seems like he isn't actually curious about what he's calling to ask you about, but rather he's instead doing it to hide the fact he really just wants to talk to you.)

And of course in exchange for everything you tell him about Earth, he's going to return the favor (as long as you ask him something he actually knows about)... But with your interest in space, he'd be able to tell you a lot of things about the stars and cosmos, all of which he learned about in the academy and from Alpha Trion while he was a guard at Iacon. Or he could tell you about cybertronian history, or cybertronian customs that he thinks you'd find interesting or funny.

But aside from that, he'd strive to impress you in whatever way possible, but unfortunately that's a bit... Difficult for him, since the first things that come to mind include feats of strength and shows of his fighting capabilities, but due to your dislike of violence, he decides to opt for other means instead. He quite literally searches up "ways to impress your crush" online and tries out the ones he thinks you'd like the most, like showing off his smarts, or showing that he's really interested in whatever's on your mind.

He's also the type of S/O who'd definitely try out stuff that their partner's into, so he's willing to try out a whole bunch of your hobbies if it means the two of you get to hang out together. I'd like to imagine he's particularly fond of listening to you play music, and perhaps he even hums along when he grows more familiar with the tune.

He'd definitely try to help you come out of your shell and he actively encourages you to live life whatever way makes you happy and live life with no regrets. He's also pretty quick to recognize most of his mistakes and make up for them accordingly. He also always emphasizes that he promises to learn from them (and he does for your sake).

Breakdown

He's actually pretty chill and easy-going as a partner. He doesn't usually do any showy romantic expressions of love (unless you like them), but that doesn't mean he takes the relationship lightly. He particularly enjoys just spending as much time with you as he can in your day-to-day lives. You don't have to do anything special like go on dates, he's just perfectly content hanging out with you and doing whatever you can together.

And contrary to how he looks as a "big brutish tough guy", he's actually very gentle and chill when it comes to you. He enjoys joking around and maybe the two of you even have a few inside jokes that you laugh about from time to time.

He's pretty fond of the great outdoors too! And though patrolling may still be tedious work, the scenery makes it all the more worthwhile. Not to mention that it isn't as boring whenever you offer to tag along for the ride. There are other times where the two of you go on foot, and he'll let you sit up on his shoulders to let you get a good view of the area. Or if there are any neat trees you'd want a closer look at, he'll make sure to lift you up there carefully and let you pick a leaf or a flower out of them.

Whenever the two of you patrol sparsely populated areas with lots of wildlife, he'll occasionally point out animals here and there, and he'll sorta make a game out it.

"Oh hey look! Dog! One point."

"That's not a dog..."

"What do you mean it's not—oh, wait, it's a horse, right? The horns make it a horse."

"Horns on a horse would make it a unicorn. That was a moose."

"That's what a moose looks like?"

"Yeah??? What did you think a moose looked like?????"

Of course he isn't any good at naming the animals he sees, but he thinks that it's neat that you get to tell him what those animals are, or what that plant is, or what that other neat thing is that he saw on the road.

And I feel like he isn't that squeamish or disgusted by bugs, and I think he'd find beetles or any kind of resilient or strong bug super cool despite their miniature stature.

Animals aside, Knockout once recommended that Breakdown should take you out to the theater, saying that it was a romantic thing that humans do. So you can expect drive-in theater movie nights to be a frequent thing from time to time. He'll let you sit in his cab and he parks somewhere with a good view of the screen. He claims that he doesn't find horror movies all that scary, and actually nitpicks at the actual details themselves, but from time to time you'll notice the subtle way his frame begin to shake and his tires twist during some particularly scary scenes... Tease him about it if you will, but not once will he ever admit to being afraid.

And also if you're ever interested in learning self-defense, he definitely would step up and offer to teach you how to punch people in the face. "You never know when it'll come in handy" is what he says to justify it.

He's not usually someone who gets hyped over gifts. That doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like them, it's just that he's never received many gifts before, so he doesn't truly understand the hype around them. But once you come around and give him gifts, he gets around to understanding the appeal. He gets happy and a little excited whenever you bring him something, and he also tries to get you gifts to return the favor! But given his situation as a giant robot, he can't exactly do that for you, but what the two of you could do is check out old junkyards to see if there's anything neat to take.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Hi hello!!!

So for 6: “If Matt stays away, he can be lonely and beloved all at once. No one to hurt him but maybe someone will attend his funeral. Crack open the box and look at that, he’s croaked. Schrodinger’s fucking orphan.” I I!!!! am quite insane abt schrodinger’s box metaphors and I remember every part of this fic but this is the first snippet I sent my best friend

For 7: “This isn’t a fight.” *screams* yeah

Lastly lastly 8: your writing style is so very particular in such a sharp way?? there’s such a specificity to it and your use of voice is just the best ive read in a long long time. your writing style makes me mildly insane and ive sent many a snippet to my discord server and/or my best friend out of sheer vibratingness and I love it a lot thank you so so much for the words

Hi hello yourself!!

The line in 6 was actually one of my favorites ones in glaze defects and I’m sooo thrilled you liked it too. 

I wasn’t planning on continuing the “box” motif from the earlier scene with captain america when i started glaze defects, and then i ended up realizing how well it fit for matt too. 

like, you always have that moment in superhero movies where you have the character in this big metal box getting changed into the hero. they get the serum or the radiation or whatever. captain america, bruce banner, green goblin, etc. i think even the thing got a scene like that in the old F4 movies. the metal box’s sliding panes open, all this dry ice pours out, and you find out whether you cooked up shirtless chris evan or norman osborn who just heard the words “back to formula.” 

as the audience, we know already whether they’re going to be a hero or a villain. we always knew that steve rogers would be captain america and norman osborn would be green goblin, and we know whether it would be a good or bad thing. but in universe, i feel like that’s the moment that clearly determines whether you have a superhero or a monster. it’s the exact same scene over and over again, but in the universe, in the moment before those doors open, you don’t know whether you have hero or villain. in a way, it always seemed like schrodinger’s cat to me, waiting for the box to open for it to be determine as to which of the two would be true. 

of course, there’s a third possibility that we never see, but that logically must be the most common: the doors slide open, the dry ice pours out, and look at that, dave, you fucking killed another. someone get the janitors to clean this shit up before we try to cook up another. 

like, we always see either 1) hero or 2) villain in superhero movies when the big superpower scene passes. we don’t often see what must be the far most common in universe result, which is 3) dead. most attempts to give someone powers just can’t be successful. 

which was an interesting motif to me, because arguably, in the scene that that line comes from, matt is still in the box in his superhero origin story. we don’t know which of the three he’ll be yet. 

like, matt never got a “box,” per se. he didn’t get the magical moment of transformation the way steve rogers did. he did get his super senses via accident, but arguably, his super senses and how he got them are not at all analogous to steve getting the super soldier serum. with steve, he’s suddenly equipped with super strength, recovery, durability, etc.--and while who steve is and his mind is what makes captain america what he is, the powers are like this sudden weapon in his arsenal that make him dangerous. matt didn’t get that. his powers were a handicap more than anything until he learned to use them. it was matt’s history, his training, his past that made him dangerous. 

both steve and matt would have the mindset, the spirit, the person that made captain America and daredevil who they were even if they woke up the next day without any powers. but steve got a magic girl transformation that let him immediately go toe to toe with a nazi. he became captain america after the serum. matt became daredevil after years of pain, suffering, and training shaping him into the devil of hell’s kitchen. 

in that scene, matt’s still in the box. he’s in the process of daredevil being forged, the same as if someone was actively administering the super soldier serum. he’s learning how to become what he’ll one day need to be--and he doesn’t know he’ll be option one yet. he thinks he’s option three. but the doors haven’t opened yet, so not even he knows, and he’s the fucking cat. 

i think this is especially interesting with matt because he’s one of the few characters that we have canonical confirmation that he could have been anything other than option 1. i feel like there’s this huge temptation with these characters to make who they are fate. that there’s an indescribable element destining them to go into the box and come out of it again as option 1 again and again and again no matter the universe. with matt murdock, however, we have earth-65 and matt murderdock. we know he could have gone otherwise, even if he overwhelmingly becomes daredevil. 

i think one of the reasons why i like daredevil so much as a character is that ultimately, his hero call to action isn’t as glittery as other heroes. like, don’t get me wrong--steve rogers is also my blorbo, i love him with all my heart and soul. but he’s got the swelling music, dry ice, box pops open transformation with the big climactic moment of reveal. with matt, it just feels more like entropy. he’s just in pain for so long, and it just becomes a matter of which of the three options he’s going to end up falling into to make it stop.

for 7, that’s a line that was so important to include in it for me and that, not gonna lie, i’ve definitely reused in other matt stories (can’t remember if i’ve already published them or not--i’m assuming this is its use in glaze defects). like, fundamentally, matthew murdock only comes about through systematic abuse. he’s a character who's extraordinarily bad at communication, and i think that he genuinely cannot tell when things are a fight sometimes. 

like, in abusive situations, there’s very rarely a neutral “stressful thing happening” situation where it’s just things going on and everyone’s going to work through them together. Someone Is To Blame And That Someone Is You. or even if you can’t get blamed for it, the anger’s going to be taken out on you. Matt’s traumatized as fuck from his everything, and I think that a part of him is inclined towards registering things like agitation and upset emotions and perceiving it as something that’s in conflict with him. even if he figures out later that the person in question wasn’t mad at him, i think that his immediate instinct has him categorizing disagreement or upset as a fight. 

of course, in the scene in question, it’s not a fight. foggy and karen are deeply upset, but it’s on matt’s behalf--they just found out that matt was taken advantage of as a ten year old orphan and abused horribly and that matt blames himself for it. they’re not fighting him, they’re not against matt in this moment, but matt’s been reading “genuine concern and indignation for a horrible violation committed against him” as “my two friends want to fight me personally over this.”

foggy as a character is interesting because he seems to be more aware of why matt is the way that he is than any other character--sometimes even matt himself. he’s very good at not letting matt’s maladaptive behaviors run unchecked, but he also seems to understand why he turned out the way he did. like, there are a lot of scenes where matt’s destructively self isolating--and actively hurting his loved ones, like foggy, in the process--and foggy’s like “yeah he’s a dumb son of a bitch. he’s my dumb son of a bitch tho. every single person in his life walked out on him and i’m not doing the same.” and he’s right. matt’s the like, “kitten abandoned in a cardboard box in the rain” of men. he’s got abandonment issues out his ears and it absolutely is a direct factor leading into why he’s so quick to try and keep people out of his life, at a distance, or why he walks out on people entirely. it doesn’t diminish the pain he causes foggy or karen, but it does show why he ever thought it was the right decision.

i think in that scene foggy’s figuring out that matt thinks all conflict is a fight he needs to defend himself against before matt’s figured it out, and he’s also clocked why exactly it is. 

thank you sooooo much for your kind words it made my night. i am also mildly insane so i think it is good company

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

hiiii really enjoyed your chenglingposting i was thinking about how sometimes the kids in adult stories function as a sort of barometer for optimism about the future in their views and options in life... obviously the alliance wants to continue the cycle of antagonizing and vengeance and conflict with the veneer of "honor" but. zcl gets to choose not to. its been a while since I either read or watched, do you know if zcl was ever onboard with actually wanting vengeance or if that was just being pushed on him? Obv its not super in line w his personality but grief could be a factor. i just thought it'd make a lot of sense if he changed his mind on that due to the influence of wenzhou and how they prioritize enjoying life w your people and following your own path over expectations. priest really took one more chance to emphasize breaking cycles/"if it sucks hit the bricks"

hi!! omg!!! thank you and im glad you enjoyed it! honestly this is a question i have been thinking about since at least two rereads ago. the show and the novel are handling this issue of zcl picking up his legacy / giving in to external expectations / finding out what he really wants in life a little differently, i think, as befitting of what they both focus on. ive said in my chenglingpost that the show is about legacy and inheritance in my eyes, while the novel is about martial arts and freedom of choice. obvs freedom of choice is a high priority in word of honor as well, but word of honor seems to have an overarching look, kind of focusing on the big picture and what a generation / a community needs rather than a few individuals, while the novel focuses exclusively on wenzhou and their little group and seems to handle the rest of the themes in priest's usual style. the show is about something "grand", the novel is about the mundane, almost boring human experience. martial arts play a bigger role in the latter too because they are a stand-in for many things that are hard to grasp, like autonomy. in chengling's context, martial arts are irrevocably linked with seeking revenge. i think that is specifically in the novel the case, not so much in the show. in the show seeking revenge is pushed onto him by others as well as inheriting his sect's legacy and becoming worthy of being his father's son. in the novel, the idea of seeking revenge is first presented to him by gu xiang, and it is actually this huge contrast to how others treat him because others "generously" offer to take revenge for him, while gu xiang tells him he can do that himself. we see with wen kexing that getting revenge does not make u happy. it gives u closure but it does not make u happy. i think that is something chengling learns during the novel. he gets closure in the end but it does not look the way he had imagined it would. i think he imagined himself to get super strong and then single-handedly slay his foes. yknow, as u often see in wuxia and as wen kexing literally does. then he starts learning martial arts and realizes getting super strong is actually not that easy, and this chasm between what he expects of himself and what he is able to achieve gets wider and wider and he falls into depression spirals, because to chengling, seeking revenge was taking ownership of his life and his trauma, and what use does he have when he cant even do that? that is the path wen kexing walks and it hollowed him out and it would have him kill himself if he hadnt met zhou zishu; wen kexing viewed himself as an instrument for a very long time rather than as someone deserving of having his own life. so obvs, that path is rubbish by itself (wkx gets his revenge and his closure and his life, good for him!) and its far too much for a kid. and i think, that is what chengling learns here: he only needs to do as much as he can, only bite off what he can chew, and the rest should not be his concern. and there really turns out to be a way to get everything he needs without walking the same path as wen kexing, as the novel proves, because wen kexing had nobody when he was in the same situation while trying to survive the valley, while chengling has wenzhou who guide him and shield him and love him. (crying myself into a huddle over wen kexing and chengling and them being foils of each other.) so in that sense youre already putting it into words. chengling seems to have changed his mind over the course of the novel, he doesnt have that same outlook on vengeance as he as in the start. i think thats different for the show. in the show, there is this weighing of the concept of revenge against the concept of getting justice, and what both these things do and require of a person and what they can offer u as an individual, but also u as a collective, in the long run. they are seen as two different things and are explored and qestioned individually. i think that can be seen in the conflict with chengling and all these expectations everyone has of him and how he handles that.

[tj-dragonblade]

Tea and Books Asks

Tagged in by @littledreamling , @mathomhouse-e , and @quillingwords thank you!

1. What period of history do you enjoy learning about?

As long as it's not the fucking founding of America and drafting of the constitution, again, we're golden

2. Who is your favourite fictional character and why?

Of all time? Impossible. Current fandom specifically? ...uh. Kind of also impossible. But I think if pressed Hob might just barely edge out Dream in the standings. Because? Because...his vibes? Immortal Everyman who's not all woe-is-me this-life-is-misery is a delight and idk he's just got that je ne sais quoi that makes me smile and say 'That one, that's my favorite'?

3. What do you order at a café?

It's a rare occurrence but. Some sort of coffee, extra sweet, extra whichever flavor added. Caramel and pumpkin spice are both excellent

4. Libraries, botanical gardens, or art galleries?

Of the three, I've only ever been to libraries, so, that

5. Do you have a favourite film soundtrack?

Beauty and the Beast 1991 probably. The score tracks on that just. Do things to me. Fond of a lot of Hans Zimmer's work as well (Lion King, PotC off the top of my head) and I keep circling back around to the Robin Hood Prince of Thieves soundtrack every few years

6. What does your dream home look like?

Underwater. With bits above water too, maybe half and half, but the important things I've always wanted are submarine airlock entryways and enormous windows with an underwater view. Not too far from civilization either

7. What makes you feel better on gloomy days?

Long solo drives with good music played loud

8. What are your top three films? Books?

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home; The Princess Bride; Beauty and the Beast

I've read fanfic almost exclusively the past twenty years but, let me think...I was very taken with the Shannara series by Terry Brooks in high school; I spent some time on the Vampire Chronicles after that and The Vampire Armand was my favorite (because Armand was my favorite more than because it was actually a good book)

9. Are you an organized person, generally?

...Ish. I dislike clutter and mess, but I wouldn't really classify myself as 'organized' by any standard measure of the word

10. Do you have a favourite classic novel?

...I am extremely fond of Alice in Wonderland and Wizard of Oz both but more for their permutation into pop culture and malleability therein than for their actual books specifically

11. What character archetype or trope is your favourite?

I have a laundry list, and they're generally best when multiple tropes are blended in one character. But maybe...let's go with The Foreigner, The Outsider, the one who often holds up a lens to humanity or whatever majority/default group is involved to offer commentary, try to understand, and who is perpetually Apart from them, usually unable (or unwilling) to quite blend in or assimilate completely even when they may be welcomed and accepted.

12. Do you prefer baking or cooking?

...give me a relatively simple recipe with clear instructions and I'll probably be okay, in either arena

13. Which season do you feel at home in?

In my current climate? Summer. Summer means I can get out and go places and do things. I love autumn in theory but in practice it's far too short, far too cold too quickly, and just a very depressing reminder of the half-a-year of winter that will follow

14. What is your opinion on poetry?

It should absolutely exist, integral facet of humanity, etc. Not really anything I actively seek out, however

15. Do you speak formally when texting and emailing?

Emails are nearly always business related whether home or work, so yes. Texts are not exactly formal but it's rare that I'd ever fail to capitalize, use copious abbreviations, etc. Punctuation droppage depends entirely on who I'm talking to and whether I need the clarity punctuation can provide

16. How do you organize your music playlists?

Haaaaaah. Let me count the ways:

- by artist, when I want The Good Tracks from their discography (and related projects) in chronological order

- by genre

- by pairing - many pairs have multiple permutations of their playlist also

- by character

- by character group

- by theme (e.g. Moon, Aquatic, etc)

- by mood

- by fic inspiration/writing soundtrack

- I have playlists for Disney movies where I put the songs and score pieces back in movie order since the soundtracks always group them separately and I also leave out the shitty radio versions of the songs

- I also have a playlist with all my individual Disney playlists combined in chronological order by movie release date

- by vibes

- by which family member I'm driving with

- I have a playlist for stuff that's in (or contains sections that are in) 3/4, 6/8, and various other non-4/4 time signatures

- I have a couple different playlists of favorite voices

- there's a giant playlist where I dump all the stuff I've rated 4 or 5 stars (some 3s may also get included), sorted by play count, for when I don't know quite what I'm really in the mood to listen to

- aaaaaaand then I usually have two or three playlists in constant flux for whatever I'm really craving to listen to at this particular point in time

17. Who is your favourite author?

Can't say as I have one

18. Chai or hot chocolate?

Chai

19. Do you prefer forests, sea shores, or meadows?

Sea shore, hands down

20. If you were to cultivate a fruit orchard, what would you grow?

Everything I would name I have developed allergies to so. Maybe not. Kinda sucks.