#So i wont be deleting this blog as i am too attached (i will be coming back istg)

[mainapnifavouritehoon]

hi guys i-

[satoruhour]

any tips for starting a new writing blog?

hello dear anon!! oh my days it’s been so long since i started mine i cant really remember.

i would say remember that the first post is always nerve-wrecking and it’s ok to be nervous!! and subsequently the lack of notes since people wont know you and your style right off the bat! it’s ok to feel discouraged when you arent getting much attention too, since you are a newly established blog. the algorithm on tumblr sometimes sucks too :/

to me its personal preference but i like to have some semblance of a theme, or rather more of a post to consolidate everything that you post, not just your writings but also your faq, introductions, links, rules, etc. i usually look at a few writing blogs to see how they format things - everyone has their own ways of organising their pinned post and you can always mix and match to how you want to organise yours but it is NOT an invitation to plagiarise directly (yes, even if you change the colours of the theme to avoid suspicion). think of it with your own ideas and whatnot!!

NEVER. NEVER write on tumblr drafts on mobile. PLEASEEEE remember this. bc notifications appear on the bottom of the screen, sometimes the keyboard will go down and your finger might accidentally brush up against it. you will lose your work. it’s very very disheartening. another instance is also getting out of the app to fact check smtg for ur fic for eg and you come back to a previous post of your own from the notif ... and ur work is gone lol. writing on drafts is easier on desktop although i would say still have a safety net on google docs / notes / ur own writing notepad.

in regards to posting, if you are looking to fully be a sfw or nsfw blog then you can ignore this but i try to plan what kind of works i plan to post. if my smut works are doing well i try my hand at posting a fluff. smut works unfortunately will always get more notes imo, but dont get discouraged from writing fluff bc its still very fulfilling but the reality surrounding these genres are very distinct.

dont be afraid to delete asks or feel an obligation to answer every ask. at the end of the day it is ur blog and u choose what to put on it. if u get trolls and spammers just delete them or if u want to entertain them go ahead too.

be prepared to write out of your comfort zone. i know i said it’s ur blog and you choose what to put on it but sometimes i dont want to write the same trope with the same character and some of the requests allow me to improve my writing with characters im not too fond of for eg. i personally am still trying to push myself more, but it’s a good way to grow!

i like to attach a good amount of tags to my writing. the max on this site is 30 tags, i like to do around 15 or below that. to me it just looks less cluttered and neater. ofc w/ masterlists i usually just tag everything but for individual pieces i dont do a lot!

the writing community is to uplift too 💟 it isnt about who gets the most notes and interactions but rather to celebrate our love for the characters, so much so that we create stories out of thin air. be respectful and kind and dont be afraid to form mutuals! ignoring all the drama and craziness on tumblr sometimes it really is one of the best places to be at the height of your fandom!! enjoy anon!

[minejiro]

hi, tee <3 this is a moot who's a little to shy to ask you this off anon, but how did you come up with the courage to archive your blog after 8 months? i've been planning to move for a couple of weeks now, and i have a new account set up and everything, but i feel conflicted about leaving my 10 month old account.

i'm about to reach 2k, which is something that holds me back; i'm not planning to delete anything or change aliases, but i just feel like it's really difficult to let go, even though i'm not making an intense move. thank you for listening to me ramble <3

hi bby omg im about to spill my whole tumblr experience to you LMAO jvhufdbv but maybe itll put things into perspective for you and youll be able to tell if its something that you still want to do or not !!

so im just gonna be transparent here, i had 14k ppl on mine when i left and that was kind of hard to leave no matter what anyone says. ofc its always about the writing first and foremost, but i built so many anons and inside jokes and interactions and i had a name for myself and stuff, and thats definitely hard to let go of bc i built that up you know ?? but then i looked at it in a more narrowed view than a "bigger picture" view and it was a matter of am i happy on here anymore ??

no

now thats partly bc i was just drained of writing hq in general, but even when i was happy to write for hq, the blog just got tiring. that blog made me happy and i was proud of it, so i was attached, but at the end of the day being that big was also draining me more than i realized bc i was dealing with ppl being pushy or expectant, or rly rude comments to rly hateful ones, and i felt like the interactions themselves werent as genuine anymore as they used to be. ppl brought up things about the blog itself, its stats, how my writing wasnt what it used to be, how i was just doing things that were "popular" to get notes, etc instead of what it was about — haikyuu

so i took a leap and kind of started a new fandom (tokrev) and that was my excuse to start a new blog from the ground up and it seemed less scary bc it didnt seem like i was starting over per say, i was just adding something new, but it still needed to built up again

and then thats what changed my worries tbh bc once i started my tokrev blog and i posted and built interactions, i realized it wasnt as awful as id been telling myself it would be you know ?? the interactions slowly built, my work was being read and slowly gaining more interaction, and overall my blog was just being built up and i realized that building a blog back up not only wasnt as awful as i thought it would be. it also gave me a chance to redo things better and take what ive learned from the last one to set better boundaries for my followers and myself. and also, it helped running a blog be fun again bc as ive said before, my blog in its smaller days was a lot more fun bc ppl talked to me bc i was just me, not tee whos in the top tags all the time (im sry hfbehfb that might sound kinda bad and maybe a little conceited but i mean that in the least self absorbed way bc in all honesty the size of my blog was rly what a lot of my asks and even some moot interactions were centered around anymore)

in the end, the followers you built up will come again bby they will, trust me i was sad about seeing all my hard work be "left behind" too but the restart is so refreshing and it gives u a chance to organize and set up everything to make this an even safer space for you. if you stick it out for a bit, youll start to get rly excited about the growth and progress you made, and the last blog wont be on your mind as much because youll want to start pouring more into building the new one, and i think thats the part that made me take the full leap and just drop hq blog all together

i was actually gonna deactivate that blog if im being honest, but there some extremely touching asks that made me rethink bc i didnt think my writing meant that much to ppl, so ive left it as an archive, and i think thats honestly the best thing i can do at this point, just leave it to be appreciated for what it is instead of trying to make it fun again and drain myself more

oferfirhgb this was so long im so sorry LMAO but idk i hope that maybe helped a little bit sobsobsob

feel free to dm me if you wanna talk about this !! dont be shy omg i love all my moots <3 even if we dont get a chance to interact as much

[lyca-and-nero]

Okay so this is drastic but I have to delete this current blog and make a new one for better posting and all that jazz. lyca-and-nero is attached to other blogs and its draining my sanity to not post under the username I want. The new blog is similar to this user, so finding me wont be too hard!

@lyca-n-nero is my new blog solely for darksiders (because Im stunned and didnt bother making a new email so here I am making a new blog like a dummy lol)

I'd love to see you all there! I love all of you and everything you've shared with me.

All my content will be uploaded to this new blog, so you wont miss a thing!

[softdarkiplierimagines]

The Final Bow

Hello everyone, I am going to no longer be active on this blog for the foreseeable future.

This has nothing to do with Mark, the fandom or anything on this blog and I wont be leaving the fandom either. (If I could go back in time and make this blog fully independent I would, but I cant...)

The reason for this is that I am leaving my main blog @/darkikyu, the main that this side blog is attached too, is that I just dislike staying attached to one url for too long. I feel like it bogs me down mentally and emotionally. I like freedom of reinventing myself and protecting my anonymity/IRL life.

To eveyone who came from the 1st blog, eveyone who followed, rebloged, liked, just came and scrolled a bit, did all or just one of the above on a every or a single post, thank you.

You've genuinely touched me with your support, no matter how small it may seem. For a long time I felt like I was failing you all, made this blog to give back to a niche in the fandom I so dearly loved. I now realize you all just wanted to see what I enjoyed and created. Thank you. I know my departure will likely hurt some, two goodbyes so close together is rough, but I promise this blog, unlike UA, will not be deleted. You can have your memory cake and eat it too.

But for now, this is my final bow as the curtains fall shut on this blog and chapter in my life.

Thank you.

[go-diane-winchester]

If you don't like Misha, this post might make you smirk.

I did this post yesterday and then deleted it because the OP made me feel sorry for her.  Luckily for me, someone reblogged it and my momentary stupidity is now remedied.  This whole scenario makes me smirk. 

Yesterday's post:

Doll face found @dean-supernatural-akf ranting in the main tags, including the Jensen tag, which is why she forwarded this biased drivel to me.  Thanks sweetie.  I scrolled though OPs blog, trying to figure this person out, because she ships wincest and destiel, apparently.  And she hates the haters.  It is convenient and dismissive to label those who don’t agree with you, don’t you think?  Label them rather than proving them wrong conclusively, because that would be difficult and you might lose the argument because of a lack of intelligence.  So call them names and be done with it.  Her rant is in italics, and my rebuttal in bold.

Rude and Missunderstood.

I CAN LIKE MISHA COLLINS AS AN HUMAN AND ACTOR WITHOUT BEING ONE OF HIS MINIONS.

Shocking right?

Here have a seat and lean back.

Very recently i got heavily missunderstood, and i’m making this post so it won’t happen again.

I asked someone if their blog is real . Because it was so full of hate against this actor named Misha Collins.

This guy right here, and I bet when you are one of the anti misha people then you even share the same look on your face right now, congrats.

Listen… I love JENSEN and i love JARED. And yes i love MISHA too.

But i don’t follow him around like a dog, i don’t kiss the ground where hes walking on.

AND i also don’t do this with J2.

Why is it that when there is an entire blog dedicated to hate for Jensen or Jared, there is no bleeding heart rant like this about that blogger?  But if you write a blog about all the mean things Misha and his fans do, you are a “horrible human being” with “toxicity and hate in your heart”.  No, I would prefer to call it discernment.  I wont like someone just because “it SPNFamily darn it, haters don’t belong”.  So if Misha gives me consistent reasons to hate him, I am still not allowed to hate him because I will be ejected from SPNFamily?  What is this?  A communist fanbase?  Nobody is allowed to have their own opinions?  Everybody must think the same way and feel the same fairytale happy feelings?  Which dandelion world did you pop up from?

I fight for all of them, i fight against the hate that all of those three get and Misha gets more hate then J2 and thats a fact.

Misha gets more hate?  Really?  You mean like death threats?  Like people tweeting him directly that they wish he was dead?  That kind of hate?  Please, show me where the hate is.  Bring me your receipts.  I want to see all the hate that Misha gets. 

And it’s so fucking unfair, i have seen blogs and people that wish that he would die, a man with two children and wife.

This is so sick and it’s so not okay.

Prove it.  Screenshot and show me where all these horrible people are.  I will put it in a post.  I always do.  The death threats and death wishes for J2 have been screenshotted and are on my blog.  So I have proof for my claims.  Bring the proof for your claims.  Its called making mature statements.  Quantifying your claims.  So please, set me straight.  Show me all the nastiness poor Misha gets.  I would like to see it. 

About the Misha minions, MISHA ISNT THE ONLY ONE WITH MINIONS.

Shocking again, right ?

From under which rock did you emerge?  Misha named his fans minions.  Very disrespectful.  No other actor has ’‘minions’’.  Benedict Cumberbatch didn’t like his fans referring to themselves as Cumberb*tches.  I respect him for that.  Misha did the opposite.   Shocking, right?

The people who only love J2 hate on Misha. And the people who love all of them hate back against the anti Misha people.

That is an incredibly simplistic way of putting it.  And it gives me the impression that this rant was written by someone who is young and idealistic in their notion of how the world works.  How come you don’t talk about the people who like Jensen and Misha and therefore hate Jared?  You cant.  You cant because that would be problematic to the narrative you are vomiting right now.  Those cockles perverts are the ones that tweet him, telling him that that they cant wait for him to die.  Receipts on my blog. 

The way you support J2 is the same way that Misha’s people support him.

Actually no, J2 fans don’t get angry when Misha is interviewed for Elle magazine, yelling “where’s J2”.  They don’t ask “Whose line is it,anyway?” why they excluded J2.  They don’t threaten to burn Misha alive in his house for being anti-destiel and/or making a joke about Jensen.  That happened with Jensen.  I have the receipts.  The same group were discussing kidnapping Jared’s kids.  That group was made up of 3500 people.  So many haters slipped up your radar?  Well, now you know. 

Minions and bitchy people are EVERYWHERE.

It is such a useless fight, don’t like someone?

THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.

Yeah, take a page out of your own book.  If you don’t like the “haters”, as you dismissively call them, then don’t put this incorrect, unsubstantiated, unquantifiable rant in the main tags.  In fact, keep your uninformed opinion to yourself. 

What you do when you hate someone so badly and make a whole tumblr Blog about it then you are not better as those highschool bullies.

Dealing with the entire subject of hate, in the most abstract manner, without any analysis into your darling actor’s bad behavior and without taking into account the nasty behavior of his fandom, shows that high school is all you know.  Hopefully, one day you will grow up and think on broader terms. 

Cyberbullying is a serious subject, and thats exactly what you do with Hate Blogs and Hate tweets and Hate comments.

Keep using the word “hate”.  It will abrogate all the legitimate anger that the J2 fans have against Misha and his hellerminions.  Hellers are the biggest cyberbullies in fandom.  They sent hate directly to J2.  Some of the things they write will shock a person who has a real disdain to hate, not a daffodil like you who thinks Misha is infallible and doesn’t deserve an anti tag.  One said that she couldn’t wait for Jared to die.  And she tweeted that directly to Jared, along with a praying emoji.  Oh, you don’t know about that?  Well, then I guess you are not an authority on who is SPNFamily and who is not, now are you? 

You want to be a bully ? You love spreading hate ?

THEN JUST FUCKING BLOCK ME AND DON’T REPLY TO THIS.

Don’t reply to this?  Then why put it in the main tags, as well as inappropriate tags, and still hope that nobody disagree with you.  Aren’t we childish? 

What happened after the post was put up:

She DM's me and says that she has since changed her mind because she did another post about the hate that J2 get, and if I could please remove my post, because she was suffering panic attacks over it.  I said I would, but she is going to remove the above misleading post and provide me with proof that Misha gets death threats.  Caught between a rock and a hard place, she said that she came across the death threats on two blogs, that had blocked her for some mysterious reason, which is why she couldn't screenshot the evidence.  I found what those reasons were, when I went to those blogs: 

@castiel-needs-2-go

@destiew-must-go

I searched through their blogs, and found nothing.  No death threats.  They just point out the truth about Misha.  That is it.  She accused them for nothing.  Of course, that didn't occur to me until today, because I still felt concerned for her because the poor kid was suffering panic attacks.  So I deleted the post.  Today I find this message from her:

''So i asked like 10 different people Misha stans and Misha haters about those things you said he did. Nobody has ever heard of it, no one. You are telling your lies man, i aint stopping ya. But you are a horrible person if you need to attack a 19 year old on the Internet and 'Call me out' just because it gives you a kick. And just because you disagreed. My post will stay deleted because it wasnt up to Date anymore, but it wont be my last one. People like you need to be stopped, people like you are the reason why this fandom sucks so hard. Bye Bye. You are the sick one here .''

The weird thing is she attached this gif:

I don't know whether she thought it was going to hurt my feelings or something but, it actually helps to show her true identity.  She is not a wincest fan.  She is a Sam-hating heller in disguise.  Who would have thunk it? 

[a-titty-ninja]

Dear followers, mutals, friends, everybody.

- the purge is among us. im hearing rumours of deletion. i didn’t think the end times would be nigh. the future is unclear. just a little story and some love. feel free to skip to the end

4 years ive been on here. enough is enough! just kidding lol. i don’t intend to stop posting but i am getting ready for the worse case scenario. who knows what will happen in the coming days. i wanna take this opportunity to thank everyone for following me, whether its been for years or for months. it came as a shock to me when my blog started getting so many followers. i knew with the popularity there would be expectations for consistent quality content. i like to think that i fulfilled my responsibilities as an adult anime blogger.

its a shame that i don’t have any friends outside of tumblr that are into anime or japanese games. well i have one friend that likes anime but he only likes shounen and as you know im all about the cute girls so we don’t have much to chat about. although i found a few forums, i couldnt really find any good networks to join until i discovered that tumblr had an anime world inside of it!

therefore i used this blog to connect to people who are into the same things as me! i follow about 500~ blogs and i absolutely love seeing the stuff you guys drop on my dash. i feel like im part of a group ive always wanted to be in! finding out about anime i havent seen, or artists to follow, games to check out and like minded people to talk to! since i dont have enough time to read anymore, i really appreciate seeing manga and doujin caps on my dash so i can get a piece of what i might be missing out on. for these reasons i have a strong attachment to my blog. it gave me the means neccessary to indulge in the things i love. some might see this as some generic lewd blog but i feel that this blog contains a lot of my personality within it and it’s far from bland.

ive had a great time posting caps and gifs from anime as i’ve been watching it. seeing if ya’ll find the scenes i think are funny or cute aswell or if its just me lol. ive also heard many times that my taste in anime art and titties is top tier and i dont wanna brag but i think so too ;). shout out to all the tumblr artists, there are so many talented people out here and i would love to continue supporting you all for as long as i can! i would also like to help smaller anime blogs to get their posts out while i still have the time so hit me up about that! shout out to you if you’re actually reading this. i didn’t know what i wanted to say i just started typing lol. i dont even know what this post is anymore.

anyway dont think i got too big for my boots cuz even now with 111k followers im humble af, i appreciate you guys so much and im so thankful for you following me. i actually love you. i wanna chat to as many of you as i can so pls send asks if u wanna know something or tell me something. ofcourse i wont be able to answer every single one. infact i have 400 unanswered asks as it is, (atleast 100 of them are about my freaking water gun lol) but i will try my best to answer yours. anyway i just wanted to open up a bit since i dont talk everyday. i would like to have more of a connection with my followers, especially while im out in the battlefield trying to avoid the crosshairs! i hope ya’ll will remember this titty ninja say if something happens. peace and love.

tldr; i love you guys. thank you for everything. if one day you’re looking for me, but cant find me, hit me up on the backup blog: @a-titty-ninja-with-a-water-gun or message me for the ps4/steam id (must be mutual or atleast have chatted a few times).

[sokennyjenner]

I felt like I needed to say something since many people I love are leaving... I’m sorry for anyone who felt bad about what happened last night... and all the ones who struggled before that.

I do feel that it could be handled easier if someone had messaged the person ooc but then again I’m only saying so cause I got a strike myself cause some people I thought could had come to me bc I gave them the confidence to do so didn’t come to me first... like I know every person is different anyways and not gonna really say what happened last night was blowned out of proportion and I’m not blaming anyone for what happened to me in the past either cause I guess now they know how I felt bc i tried to be as clear as i could on private... it made me struggle with my muse? yeah and it still does...

I’ve also dealt with catfish, someone trash talking about me cause they wanted my ship partner and hated that he was my friends and not theirs. THAT when the person kept calling herself my friends. I had someone godmod me so badly I got to the point I had to drop my character bc everyone else hated him. AND im not meaning to say any of this to hurt anyone... idk I just had to take the chance to get that out of my chest cause I’ve been here for almost five years (or is it four?) idk I only know I joined just a few months after it opened so I think except Tini no one has been here longer than me...

I’m staying for the plots, for my character who i love to death but also cause I’ve been an admin myself, it’s not a real job guys... and it’s SO damn hard. Being an active admin consumes so much time you end up losing your muse... it sucks so I can’t really blame any of them for how they handle things?? Like as a rper I used to get really hurt with stuff but I learnt to let go easy (sucks? yeah very much.) I wish I could have one person here to call my real friend but being honest... idk if after so long I can say that... do I suck? Yes I do, english isn’t my first language so I’m probably not the best writer... and i talk a lot so i always feel annoying... and you can easily notice that cause i made a whole post talking about a lot of stuff when i am not leaving....

And I will stop it here bc i get emotional, once again I’m not feeling cause I learnt the hard way that this place isn’t a family for the people here... it is for the place itself... and i learnt it cause all those who called themselfs my friends ditched me, ignored me, or just never messaged me if i wasn’t the first to contact them. But I always understood everyone cause I’m a latina and the spanish rp community is different, we get closer to people, we call them our best friends. Actually my one best friend in the whole world is someone online who i’d be lost without. My partner, the person who talks to me in the daily, someone that never makes me feel annoying. Coming up to me to gossip stuff from the rp or asking for a plot (specially the one person who asked for a plot and then just vanished on me to pick someone new) is not being friends.

EVEN WITH THAT SAID, bc i needed it out of my chest, I will certainly miss all the ones leaving today just bc unlike most of you guys I DO get attached to people, online, irl, everywhere, it’s part of who i am and idfc if someone decides to judge me for that.

That being said I will end this post with what i initially wanted to write, for all the ones leaving and the ones who like me are staying, my IM’s on this account will always be open (even though i’m not sure if people im not following can mssg me bc for the weird blogs that kept messaging me i had to delete it) and I also have my personal blog in case someone ever needs me or just someone to talk to here the link and if you need my twitter or my number (this one just if we were friends tbh bc i dont like giving my number out to strangers) or if you have d*scord just message me and i will give it to you or we can find another way to keep in contact.

So long, farewell to the ones that are leaving, I will miss writing with you all <3

Oh and Sam, if you read this... i will forever love you, okay? like i used to make long ass posts on all the people i could call my friends on here and honestly through the years you are the only one I REALLY felt i could count with at any time. Not really anyones fault, maybe just cause i didnt feel comfortable around them or maybe not but still, i will miss you and if this makes me lose you i will forever miss you anyways and your keegan will always have a special place in my heart ok??

For the ones staying, dudes, take what happened as a lesson that even if it can be scary (i deal with anxiety too and im VERY insecure... reaching out to people or the admins in their accounts if you feel like it, is a better way to handle things... I feel like most people here are no killers, some are nicers, others are a little bit more distant but I feel like barely no one means wrong.

Just one IM can solve things easier, make someone undestand how you are feeling. I am the kind of oblivious person so at least with me do it, i wont bite you. Just be polite though xD 

And well, sorry i suck with words cause im to straight and sometimes a coldhearted bitch but I love you all, the ones staying, the admins, the ones leaving. Myself bc why not love myself (jkjk)

[doubt-is-the-origin-of-wisdom]

This.... is new. I can't make this body... do what i want. And I know Roan is... away as much as they can be. But i feel *awful*. And I think it is theirs... I can always feel what they are but... not like this... not to this degree...

We.. I? Have been worried sbout everything luna said. And the fact that im sure u okayed that. Idk if u okayed the pics. Roan kept staring at them and now i van see them when I shut my eyes.

But... one of the things... right now.. worryed me the most. Was "*Am* i giving up too soon?" And the car that drove by made a sound like a couple notes from hell and you. So thats gonna be the ultimate decision maker ig. Bc they have always meant thise words when they sang that song to you.

I am looking up the lyrics as i write...

"Cause I'd rot in Hell with you

If you'd just ask me to"

Okay so i think the important bits is that it says "with you". Avoiding and pushing me away as much as u can... isnt with me.

And also... if luna is to be believed you are pretty blissed out most of the time so... idek if the In Hell part applies to u rn.

Also... the "Asked me to" bit. I dont think you rlly have? I know you asked us to leave if you hurt us this much. And i dont think... youve ever really done or said any true thing to try to get us to stay. Not since you decided to start cheating on us.

I... realize now that.. we have asked you to stay. And you swore we would have a life together. Since the cheating started. Then kept cheating.

Fuck, this songs one of the ruined ones isnt it?

I.... even if roan changes their mind about love. I am not letting them get so attached that their sorrow will do *this* to *me*.

Im curled up in bed analyzing songs that remind me someone i care about because i cant sleep of move. That is unacceptable.

I dont even like that I'm putting this on this blog... fuck i need to feed this stupid worthless body.

I am better than this. If i weren't attached the the Emotion Intensifier that is Roan, maybe this wouldnt be happening. Heartbreak is just pain like any other.

I wish it were something i could amputate... and i wish it were just felt in the heart. It is everywhere. When chain was awake their *wings* felt like the were burning from the inside. We dont even have wings.

That ratty dog bolted... immediately actually, so i dont know how they are feeling. Roan might, my connection to everything is.. different.

Oh now there is a useable feeling! I feel insane. Not from what i just said, bc i have been staring at the wall for a While after i wrote the word "different".

I still am trapped in Roan's hell, but i can drink that cup of water, that we did get bc we wanted to sing to you today... whatever that song is with the coyotesand rabbits and whatnot... theyhave been learning it becauseyou liked it and they wanted to sing it for you.... water is better than nothing.

Hello, hip pain. Yes we wont be moving go ahead and go numb.

How am i acting like this right now?.....im

Not posting any other... broken version of me.

Oh, worrying about trixter reading this just now gave me an idea.

(Assuming we will be down a partner) if the others survive and whatever, and roan becomes operational again, we obviously will not keep these blogs, because they are private. They are for us, but our "mate" was allowed to see them. But if they make us leave, roan may decide they shouldn't be accessible to trixter, so we will ...

Use notepad. Was? I felt like i had had a clever idea at the beginning of that. And my idea was "use notepad"

Nyquil and melatonin plus major stress and no sleep will do that... to.. me?

Dont like that very much but, okay.

I have been with this fool since rhey can remember. Through ralph. I have never experienced this. I suppose it is because we hated ralph so chain and the ruffians could do their thing. Loving. Is the most....

Fuck i wanna write a poem but i just saw the q where the t was sposed to go. I think if i tried to write it woukd3bs embarrassingly awful.

Im sure if we ever sleep i will be horrifically embarrassed of *this*.

Hopefully we will either sleep or eat before trixter is able to read this so i can come to my senses and delete it.

[heavyyhearts-blog]

actually heres my side

“ first, before getting to real stuff, aya has done this to other people in the past too. when she talked about them to me she said they abused her or abandoned her suddenly. i’ve only talked to one of these people, but they confirmed that aya actually abused, and then stalked them when they cut her off. i don’t have permission to post these logs so out of respect i won’t put them here. “

ive never been very clear in talking about my past experiences with most people. you make this sound as if every person that's ever "abandoned me" were all "abused" by me, when that's not the case. have i acted in shitty ways to some people? yes, but it never had anything to do with me being abandoned, at any point. one of these people, actually straight up disappeared from my life, and i have no idea why. they disappeared off skype and i havent seen them since. we had no problems between eachother whatsoever. a different example i can think of for someone i was talking about? they left because i was too stressful to be around. as in, i always complained too much and that kind of thing and it was too much to be around. i didnt even know them very long.  another example of a person i mentioned with that: they had really bad schizophrenia and like, trauma issues, and what happened there? they'd randomly like? actually start basically splitting on me and getting extremely angry at me out of nowhere for no reason, which i tried to be really tolerable of, until things basically got too much for either of us to handle and after a bit of dumb drama, we separated with , i believe, no hard feelings.

my point being? when i say "ive been abandoned by a lot of people" or whatever, im not literally claiming that i was abused by literally everyone and im some huge victim, lol. that last example? you could probably say i was abused due to the level of pent up anger they were throwing at me, , unprovoked

“ i’ve only talked to one of these people, but they confirmed that aya actually abused, and then stalked them when they cut her off “

first of all, this happened literal years ago. second of all, this person is still full of shit and i can't believe they still insist all of these bullshit lies. "aya stalked me" i hadnt visited your blog for months, i'd literally forgotten about you, yet you somehow still had it set in your head that i was "stalking" you. i wanted to remake my blog for a multitude of reasons, and one of them being, a more back of my mind thing, was, i didnt want you viewing my blog. so i remade. and, like, 2-3 days later, i got paranoid that you had somehow found my new blog, entirely new, so i asked my friend to go see if my new url was on there, because i didnt want to go back on your blog myself. and sure enough, there it was, my new url, even though i hadn't given it out to anyone or posted it anywhere, meaning you literally searched through notes of a post or something along those lines to find it. yeah ive explained this so many times now its fun :) not to mention your shitty friend(s) that would constantly twist my words around and lie saying i was doingthings that i didnt. and your only "proof" was logs of talking shit about me behind my back to one of my friends, you had no screenshots of me doing anything, because guess what, i never did it. wow. "i dont have screenshots because i deleted them all" okay bud. anyway

and now here's my main issue with everything: you are "calling me out" for things we have already personally talked about, that we either resolved, or i apologized for/said that i would try to stop doing so i can better myself which i have actually done? so i literally do not understand why youre calling me out for shit as if im some malicious person trying to hurt people that's just completely incapable of getting better or whatever. lets start

“i’ve tried to cut her off several times, both by trying to talk and express my want to stop talking to her first and by just blocking/ignoring her on everything. i made it clear i wanted to stop talking the first couple of times. she will spam and beg me and make new accounts if she has to. once ive added her back however she’s used that against me”

okay youre calling me out for this but you admitted what you did was fucked up too? and i dont know what else to even say to this other than im going to try to stop getting so attached to people like that so i maybe dont have such bad mental breakdowns every time i thnk someone close to me is leaving like sorry i cant. help feeling that way or control this thing specifically unless i just dont get attached like that at all, which is my fault.

[x] [x] [x]

here, you post a completely out of context rant from me, where i got mad at something you did that you literally admitted was fucked up. full context!

[x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

you even told me you had no idea what you were talking about with any of it.

“ one of the times that we weren’t talking she DMd my twitter mutuals asking them to screenshot my recent tweets. “

i told you my reason for it. i was extremely paranoid that you were talking shit about me behind my back and i wanted to know if you were or not, even though i did it in a really shitty way. i instantly felt so beyond terrible that i had done that. i was sobbing the entire time i was trying to apologize for how fucked up and wrong it was of me to do that, and even apologized for it again later after it had happened already. because i wanted to make sure you knew how sorry i was for it. i cant take something like that back.

[x] [x]

“recently, after getting so upset with me for doing the same thing in the past, she randomly blocked me on everything and refused to talk to me. i would understand if she hadn’t previously gotten so mad and upset at me for the exact same thing. “

?? i split really bad just like i already have been, due to , as i've already exlpained, the nonstop bad things we've had between us for months, to the point i havent been able to talk to you like normal anymore, because just seeing you pisses me off and everything you say/do will just piss me off. i cant help that. its not my fault. i cant just not split like that because we've had fucked up problems for months, that, guess what, shouldnt even be public here for all reasons ive already stated! but i also did it just because ive been deciding i need to get away from you for good, that i dont WANT to talk to you at all anymore. sucks to be treated the way you treat others right.

“ i posted on my twitter saying i wanted to drink and she instantly messaged me begging and spamming me not to “

and everything else like stalling, pressuring you etc. this is still. we talked about this. i said sorry. i got better about it. why do i have a callout.

[x] [x]

like this is literally all just trying to make me look bad in ways that i'm not. nice try, though!

“ when i cc’d bakugou and she tried to make me explain my trauma to make it Valid “

you're trying to make me look bad again. i was just asking because i was anxious wanted to know the reasoning for it and im sorry for pressing it at all but that doesnt mean i was trying to make you explain it so it could be "valid" shut the fuck up lol i even explained to you afterwards why it made me so uncomfortable and that it didnt bother me anymore, that i thought you were just blindly cc'ing him for no real reason like i just assumed it wasnt a coping thing or anything and thats my fault but??? youre trying to make me look bad for it so??? i'd even keep sending you fanart of him like.

[x]

“ she was extremely dependent on me and would spam me if i fell asleep before she woke up, she’d got upset and started splitting on me because i didn’t return her feelings of attraction. “

wat...

“ second, she’s blaming everything on her BPD and “not being able to help it,” or “can’t control herself” “

well, as you can clearly see, ive been anything but that??? but if you wanna keep telling yourself that, go ahead. have i said things LIKE that before? yes, when i was freaking out, over certain things i actually can't help, for example: abandonment trauma??? and like i said before: i need to try to not get so attached to people in the first place so that doesnt happen anymore! otherwise, should some sort of situation like that happen again, i can't handle getting that level of upset. so i prevent that by not getting that level of attached at all. like sorry but theres certain things nobody can help, even you. you're just trying to make it sound like this entire thing has been nothing but "i cant help it"

and lastly, we can't forget the fact that, for a long time, you wouldn't tell me anything. literally anything. i would repeatedly ask you. "what do i do that bothers you what am i doing wrong" etc and all you'd ever say was "idk" 95% of the time. i had absolutely no idea that for the longest time, i had been saying a lot of manipulative, shitty things and acting bad and etc, slash i had no idea that some of my episodes were actually affecting you that badly until way too late.

when you first told me that i had been acting so shitty, through a jpeg meme that was making fun of me, did i realize how awful i was being. i honest to god never had any idea and i explained this to you countless times. that i was  oblivious/i can be oblivious to shitl ike that and that i need you to tell me, otherwise I WONT KNOW.

nice meme. :) but yeah clearly this is still an accurate representation of me, right?

[x] [x]

yeah, you got me though. im a toxic, abusive piece of shit that will never get better, all i do is hurt others, i can't change, ive never apologized, ive never gotten better. totally

and since we're playing this game,

and now that i've said all this, i have nothing else to say. i can't make anyone believe me, but if you do, thanks.

[anpeache]

i dont really care about anything and i never cry. okay i cry sometimes when pms gets me but normally? cant remember whens the last time i shed a tear. im too apathetic and have low emotional intelligence and i rarely desire anything. im just here existing and dont get me wrong, im having a pretty good time! im going to college, i have enough money to live somewhat normally and i have friends that love me, what else is there. well i wouldnt mind having a boyfriend, yet i feel i could never like a boy enough to ask him out or accept his invitation. dont really have energy for experimenting. and we come back to me being reserved and bored. tbh sometimes i dont understand how i can be bored when im doing so much?? in the morning i study, then i cook, i read, i watch tv shows, i train, i work, i hang out with friends and when im not with them we chat on whatsapp, so how am i bored? i think i have too much physical energy which wont let me fall asleep so every night im lying in bed for hours thinking about stuff ie boring myself to sleep, and every morning before getting up i spent around 1-2 hours telling myself how useless and boring i am. which is why i started volunteering like 5 years ago and im doing so much to upgrade myself and spend my time productively but im still so so fucking bored! i started drawing and i started singing, and i took up gardening, i engaged in afterschool activities, i started crocheting, took up aikido and later dancing, i obsessed over stuff & made blogs to share thoughts on them. i make 5 new tumblr blogs a year and get from 100 to 500 active followers on each and then i get bored and delete everything, i unfollow everyone and start over, its just my main that stays. and all that stuff i said i took up? i got bored after getting good at them and just.. left where i was. so now im into poetry until it becomes monotone. this post is all over the place but what i wanted to say is i kinda wanna feel things? i want to be attached to something and love something, but i cant force feelings and it fucks me up! because i can help feeling sad and angry and left alone and shit but i cant help being detached, i tried i really did. i feel the same i felt yesterday or six months ago. i wont give up obviously im not a miserable sissy but i sure do hope that the thing that will make my hearts beat change tempo runs me over soon

[go-diane-winchester]

A Generational study of Misha's wackydoodle fanbase.

This was the first post I ever did, on my blog.  The post did very well, and that was because the hellers were reblogging and adding their own captions to the post, and other dumber hellers were leaving a like.  So essentially they were creating traffic for my post without realizing it.  Because their nasty fingerprints are all over this post, I want to repost an edited version with updated information and less typos.  I remembered this post because of this interesting comment.

''In Twitter, in their own words, they have from 2 up 10 accounts. A lot of free time, I assume. I barely have time to enter tumblr xD''

Immediately, the Profound Bonds census came to mind.  I remember seeing a prominent amount of children.  And on one page, there was only one 37 year old.  I was surprised.  I wish I could use a screenshot of that page, but the hellers deleted the entire census.  I wonder why.  The above comment and the census, is the reason I am reposting an amended version of this. 

Enjoy!

Impassioned fans can be very annoying.  Like any fanatic, [in the words of Spike Milligan] they don't enjoy their favorite art.  They suffer from it.  However, most of the time, you find a way to chill with them, and you will be able to have a conversation about something or the other.  You might even share their enthusiasm, unless they start behaving creepily and nauseating you.  The hellers are the latter breed of freak.  They are the creepiest, most nauseating but most mobilized and active part of this fandom, because they have a hierarchy that operates their entire system.  There are influencers and drones.  Seeing an influencers will give you the impression that hellers are a group of grown women, however, that is not the case.  Only the influencer are older.  The drones are young.  Sometimes painfully young.

Understanding slash is one of the things that allowed me to understand why these people are so subservient towards Misha, and why they never question him.  There are other factors like his cult leader behavior, however, there is a particular group that he targets and he uses social media to do it.  Slash is almost a century old.  And each generation behaved in a specific way, regarding slash fiction.  The earlier generations were very covert.  It may have had something to do with modesty.  It may also have had something to do with “outsiders ruining our  fun”.  As far as Supernatural is concerned,  three generations of slash fans are represented. 

I am using the word generation here, from a marketing demographic perspectives, because this seems like the most sensible way to categorize slash fans.  Believe me, I am fully aware I am over simplifying this.  I am trying to write a short blog.  In no way, am I throwing shade at your generation.  I just like mine the most. lol!!!

There are three major generations in this fandom, that indulge in slash fiction:

Generation X:  These are slash fans born between 1965 and 1979.

Generation Y aka Millenials:  These are slash fans born between 1980 and 1994. 

Generation Z aka Centennials:  These are slash fans born after 1994. 

Generation X is that last generation of classic slashers.  This is a covert group that doesn’t like to share its artworks and works of fiction with outsiders.  If they remained underground and secret forever, they wouldn’t mind.  And if that mindset remained, nobody would even know that slash fiction exists.  As a member of this generation, I wish that things had stayed this way, but understand that society changes.  Its evitable.  Gen Xers usually don’t ship just one pair because it would seem a little foolhardy to pin all your slashy happiness on one pair that you put together.  There are plenty of pretty fish in the sea and we tend to mix 'n match.  There may be pairings we will like more than others, but generally speaking, we don't have issues with working through a cast like a buffet and enjoying different pairings. 

Younger generations of J2 fans were influenced by this generation's writings and therefore share the same opinions.  If there are any destiel shippers in this group, three suppositions are likely.  First, they are either, hidden away from social media and don't know about this death threat drama, and they don't have any frenzied love for destiel where it blinds them.  Misha is not influencing them via social media either.  They have a life and destiel is just their pass time.  Or, they are influencers who are older and therefore that sway the minds of younger people.  I theorize, however, that most of the destiel shippers in this generation deserted the ship and moved on.

The Y generation or millenial brought two changes to slash fiction.  From a western standpoint, this generation started to become inclusive and politically correct, making their work LGBT oriented rather than hetero/bi female oriented to the detriment of the artform.  The greatest irony is that mpreg [the last remnance of femininity] was born at the tail end of this generation.  My previous theory about this group was wrong.  I thought they were a quiet group.  But no.  All the Lua Jame's, Janelle's and Exorcising Emily's are coming this group.  This means that the influencers, the first users of social media in other words, are from this generation.  Perhaps, the normal non-criminal thinking, nice destiel shippers come from this generation too. 

Generation Z or centennials are the youngest generation, making them the least experienced, with the least filter.  They don’t think before they speak, but boy do they have a lot to say.  They tend to use social justice and politics to push the validity of their ship.  They are like junkies when it comes to their ship and Misha Collins is the only dealer they have.  They look for other dealers which is why they tend to ask all and sundry, what their opinion is with regard to destiel. 

They based their opinion of that person, on how that person responds to destiel.  Its like a pothead who only likes people who say that smoking pot is ok.  And if that person is indifferent to destiel, they will collectively attack that individual.  The only reason is because they are young.  Its only when I looked at their census, that I realized that many of them are as young as 13.  So most of them are children.  In Misha's heller army, these kids are the soldiers, bashing Jensen and Jared online and voting for Misha to win an award.  Lets hope their taste chances as they grow. 

Misha and his influencer, have convinced these people that what they feel is true, and because they are still young, they don't know any better.  Even a non heller might feel insulted by this analysis of an entire generation but believe me.  I am not critiquing you.  I am merely pointing out that your brain doesn't fully develop until you hit 40.  You are not a child, I concur.  But you are not a complete adult.  Get to my age, look back at life, and realize how many times circumstances forced you to change your opinion about various subjects.   I wager that about ten years from now, the hellers will look back at their behavior and cringe.  They don't know any better and the adults around them are not teaching them to do the right thing.

So Misha’s primary fanbase are a bunch of children, who are spread around the globe, and who don't affect of the ratings, have generally no money of their own so they cant buy seats for his panel or photo-ops or raise a decent amount for anything he is auctioning.  They couldn't attend Indycon so it flopped.  Not that he has that many fans to start with.  And they don’t recognize that Misha is trolling them with destiel, because they are too young to understand. 

Misha has the dumbest cult following ever, because he attached him to Jensen and Dean.  And Jensen doesn't even spend anytime with Misha outside of work.  So the shippy calling card Misha waves will catch fire in his hands.  He is also attracting children and they will grow up to eventually change their mind and taste in men.  The influencers are likely to stick with him, unless they get bored with the lack of Jensen and move on.  So consequently, Misha and his hellers wont benefit each other in the long run. 

I have a feeling there may still be typos.  Excuse them, please.