#So yeah I guess you could say this is also extremely self indulgent because I cannot choose between them

[toasteaa]

hhhhhnghm...hear me out...childhood friends with the ragbros...growing up with these two boys with hearts set on adventure, wanting to go and explore the world with them. The both of them. While the three of you play, your parents meet with Diluc's father - the content of their conversations doesn't affect you now. Not immediately at least.

Seashells and pinecones the three of you collected together as children start turning into calla lilies from Kaeya and windwheel asters from Diluc; you cherish both equally and try not to show favoritism...but one bouquet gets the nicer vase. One makes your heart race a little faster. Your parents tell you of their discussions once they believe you'll be able to understand it - a marriage between the two families. You've been promised to Diluc, and when you settle with your thoughts that evening, you find yourself flustered and afraid at the same time. A decision had been made for you before you could even understand what (or more precisely, who) it was you wanted.

A confession goes unspoken the night of Crepus's death; it remains unspoken for years. You spend days with Kaeya, tending to his wounds, trying to get him to say something, anything, about what happened. You spend your nights crying over another undeliverable letter to Diluc, thoughts wandering back to the Dawn Winery standing vacant and cold beyond Mondstadt. How the three of you used to play together there, how you used to plan your journey into the neighboring Liyue, and how those plans will never come to fruition.

You don't expect Kaeya's first words after weeks of silence to be an apology, but you've come to always be surprised by his actions. Whether it's him accompanying you on an evening stroll or working alongside you silently. It stirs something in you; a cocktail of emotions, both infatuation and perhaps something deeper, that you wish you could keep bottled up and hide. But it only pushes back harder each time Kaeya's hand brushes yours, each time he manages to pull a laugh out of you, or returns from another mission unscathed.

You feel light. You feel guilty. You were promised to Diluc, not Kaeya.

And yet that guilt fades for a moment when you hear of the rumors of Diluc's return to Mondstadt. You're not allowed further than the foyer and Adelinde explains it's for the young master's privacy, but you can see the apology in her eyes. You know that she's aware of what you are - what you're supposed to be - to Diluc, but she cannot ignore what she's told. Or what she believes is best. But the rumors are confirmed and your heart hammers against your ribcage: Diluc was back. He was home.

But he's changed. When you do see him, there's no light in his eyes and his smiles (if you could call them that) are cold and closed off. But the more you return to the winery, the more you see there is something there. Something warm and familiar just beneath the icy exterior that brings heat flooding back into your cheeks. It's there in the way he says your name before changing his mind and the way he moves to reach out for you before stopping himself.

But the guilt returns. The weight of your parent's and maid's whispering of your arrangement settling heavily on your shoulders. You were promised to Diluc; raised, primmed, and prepped for a marriage to link yours with the Ragnvindr's and yet you wish Barbatos would strike you where you stood.

How could you love them both so dearly and be forced to choose one?

[burninbriight]

after reading the sun and the star my semi-dormant pjo obsession has risen and is infesting my brain side by side with bsd. so.

bsd percy jackson au: a series of self indulgent hcs

skk is the percabeth of the situation. iconic duo. unstoppable. EVERYBODY has heard about them. literal legends among the demigods baby

dazai is a child of athena, chuuya a child of ares

dazai's team beat chuuya's during capture the flag once and chuuya went aight bet. and kicked dazai's ass during the next capture the flag. his team still lost but at least he got an excuse to fight that annoying know-it-all bandaged and beautiful son of athena

the rest is history

the akutagawa sibilings are children of hades. goth mfs

now imagine them having the same storyline as the di angelo sibilings... now in this au you can see why akutagawa talks like he belongs to another age

gin would consider joining the hunters of artemis, but in the end they end up refusing to not leave their brother alone. plus, being immortal would mean seeing him and all of their loved ones die, and gin has had enough of her loved ones dying

if skk is percabeth, shinskk is solangelo

does atsushi fit the standards for a child of apollo? idk but i can't think of another godly parent for him so be it!

unlike will solace, healing is not atsushi's strongest task but he still spends a lot of time helping in the infirmary

and that's where he meets ryūnosuke

unlike solangelo the initial hostility is NOT one sided. ryū behaves like a bitch? atsushi gets bitchy right back.

cue to atsushi looking extremely pissed while bandaging ryū's arm and them muttering insults at each other

ryūnosuke swears he hates that fucking failed doctor and atsushi would almost believe him if it wasn't for the amount of times ryūnosuke has tried sacrificing himself to save him during their quests

also in this au rashomon is a hellhound like mrs. o'learly. she's a sweet doggo that devours space and souls

or she's one of ryū's cocoa puffs? (does this count as a tsats spoiler taken out of context?)

you know that one scene in tsats where nico kisses the back of will's neck and says "i'm proud of you"? now picture that as atsushi to ryūnosuke. yeah.

also atsushi has plague powers bc i say so

yosano is the real will here: overworked healers who feel extremely guilty for every patient that died under their watch to the point of considering themselves murderers

she runs that infirmary like it's the navy

she's also a hell of a fighter, both with bows and arrows and with her own fists

bff with ranpo, who's the oracle!

they gossip abt apollo (boyfail) and complain abt their respective fundamental but hella hard roles at chb

also besties w/ chuuya

also hear me out on kousano in this au... yosano falls helplessly in love with hunter of artemis!kouyou. kouyou tries to convince herself that she's not falling for that bossy and selfless and brave doctor because she has an oath to keep and she couldn't let love knock at her door again. so everytime the hunters come to chb kouyou keeps yosano company and it's all longing looks and painful yearning. yosano wishes she could convince the redhead to break the oath and stay.

but she won't. i <3 kousano angst

moving onto happier lesbians. gin loves wandering by themselves in the forest or by the lake. people know them as the demigod who just fucks off to take a stroll in the woods and disappear there for an indefinite amount of time

and that's how she meets an awkward, stubborn but lovely dryad: you guessed it, it's higuchi!

gin was having a bad day and kicked a tree because they were just so angry— anger turned to guilt when the tree fucking yelped

gin immediately apologized and higuchi asked them what was bothering them. gin never loved to talk, so they were very surprised by themselves when they started rambling about their problems to a dryad they just accidentally hurt

from that day gin began spending even more time in the forest

sometimes they bring higuchi to camp

it isn't unusual for dryads to wander around camp, but higuchi usually kept on her own before meeting gin

higuchi helps gin to open up about their emotions and lower their walls, gin helps higuchi to make friends and to value and love herself

chuuya's fatal flaw is loyalty, dazai's is pride, ryūnosuke's is holding grudges, atushi's is holding too tight onto the past, gin's is also loyalty, yosano's is guilt

tachihara is a child of hermes. parallels between two regretful traitors el oh el

except that luke fucking sucks while tachihara has my heart

OKAY NOW OPEN YOUR EARS. STORMBRINGER ENJOYERS RISE. RIMLAINE AS SILENA AND CLARISSE..... CAN YOU SEE WHAT IS SEE........

lucy is deffff a child of aphrodite but she's so lovely she doesn't even need to use charmspeak to get what she wants. whatever you say beloved princess

idk why but i can picture her throwing an hairbrush at an ancient titant like rachel... her and rachel are acc pretty similiar imo but i will not elaborate

poe is an athena kid! the biggest loser in cabin 6!

lucy and yosano tease him on his crush on ranpo

ranpo is there like damn. is this guy gonna confess or do i have to tell him we are going to date via prophecy

poe is a surprisingly good archer, the apollo kids are almost jealous

nikolai is an hecate kid. a little trickster. a silly magician. he will steal your nose but like in the literal sense and he might not give it back

his best friend is sigma from the aphrodite cabin. sigma cannot fucking stand him

nikolai is actually the reason why sigma has split colored hair. it used to be fully white but one day nikolai went heyyy girlie look at this new hair trick my sibiling taught me :] and sigma ended up actually loving the look? so they kept it

the dryads love sigma and he spends a lot of time with them. they braid flowers in each other's hair and chill

nikolai on the other hand somehow befriended the arpies

fyodor is a child of nemesis. edgelord

jouno is a child of hermes, the eldest in the cabin

half of the camp wants him, the other half wants him gone

teruko is a child of hebe, the goddess of youth!!!!

she's ones of the oldest campers along with jouno, but she prefers to keep her child form for unknown reasons

also i can see her joining the hunters tbh

that's it for now folks i hope someone appreciates my brainrot xoxo

[shutupheathersorryheatherr]

"You don't know my name, do you? Will you ever?"

Summery: beomgyu keeps his promises--he walks you from and sometimes to work, hangs out there with you. its all very comfortable and usual for the both of you. he even orders the same thing every time he comes in: your wonderful hot chocolate you make him. noting is new, its all been done before a thousand times between the two of you. why? you and Beomgyu have been friends for ever. that's great. You and him have also become a sort of... intertwined. more than just being together; youve grown together. also great. but what happens when you do something out of the ordinary? or rather, maybe the two of you stop keeping your promises and let the feelings youve pushed down so hard you feel like youre about to combust bubble up? also great.

a/n: long hair gyuuuuuu based on 'you don’t know my name'!!!!! its one of my favorite (if not my singular favorite) song by her. and besides... come on y'all, its beomgyu so I had to lol. yerin and I talked about this during he 300 subs special (even though SHE doesn't seem to remember it lmao) so here I am holding up my end of the deal and making my fic based on this song. if you liked it please leave some love such as commenting and or reblogging!

warnings/info: slow burn I guess, kissing, reader and Beomgyu go to a party, mentions of people fucking, Beomgyu gets in an extremely heated argument with a complete stranger at said party, I feel like I ranted a bit too much with the fic, a little poem-ish at times I think, reader and gyu are scared to go into uncharted territory with thier friendship, lots and lots and lots of talk of reader and beomgyu needing to control themselves around each other, cursing, beomgyu being sweet and them slow dancing cause that's a warning in itself, one joke about beomgyu and reader fucking? idk its not said explicitly tho this was way too self indulgent I apologize, friends to lovers, reader is gn.

~this is simply a piece of fiction. my imagination onto "paper." this is in now way meant to be taken as an actual or real representation of anyone~

••••••••••••••••••••••

A sharp, wind chime sounding ping makes you spring out of your thoughts to look at the door. Your smile. Huh right on the dot. Your eyes are met with the handsome fetures of your most frequent customer: beomgyu. Hair touching the nape of his neck and eyes bright as ever despite the mugginess outside. though its not all bad-- it makes him remember how one time last winter on your usual walk-from-your-work-with-him, he had stood behind you and wrapped you in his coat, bringing you flush with his clothed chest. it was oversized on him and noting, he thinks, could have prepared him for how you melted into him.

you noticed his wandering eyes and raise you voice to snap him out of it.

“why do you look like that?” you ask. it’s slow at work right now and you say that because you don’t want him to notice your heart pounding. You know if you don’t distract him he’ll do so. He pays enough attention and knows you all too well to hide it. “oh I dunno I just went for a run. No! It’s because it’s raining buckets out there!” “Yeah YOU running? That didn’t sound right” his mouth hangs open a little "um excuse you." he puffs his chest out. "I-I run." the way he's shaking his head while speaking gives him away if you already didn't know him so well. maybe a little too well. but, you tried not to think about that too much. how you

“I’ll have the hot chocolate” he says, although you know what would fall out of his lips just the Same as last time, and the time before that. And many roles before. You know how he likes it (extra sweet. “Just like you” he says. Before you squeeze you nose) but seriously you don’t think you’ve ever known someone who liked such a sugary thing. It nearly tasting like straight candy

“not many people order hot chocolate in the summer. You sure you want that?” “Yeah, it’s a comforting drink ya know.” Something he always used to drink as a kid. Before he met you. Before he didn’t have to watch what he said around someone like you because of half giddy and half eyes to the floor bashfulness he’ll feel if he slips up and gets a little too flirty. Says something a little too strong to you. Not that you’d mind. No, not at all. But he doesn’t need to know you feel that way.

"Yeah but with everything?" you ask, still making it but wondering anyways. He leans further in, putting his hands on the table. "How come you're just asking me this now? we've been doing this for such a long time and now is when it pops into your mind that it's weird to have it with breakfast, lunch, and dinner?" you roll your eyes at him. but really, you weren't annoyed at all. the truth was you awaited the never-the-same times he'd come in and order that same, warm and comforting drink. (it depend on his classes, and or what he had to do inbetween) It had gotten on the point where one of the other workers there would tap your shoulder and let you know that he was there when you didn't notice.

"your guy is here." one of the workers there would tell you. In a moment of weakness, beomgyu would pop into your mind and your eyes would go wide as you looked for him. "he's not my guy." you'd try and cover your tracks but with the knowing smile on your work friends face as they walked away, you knew it wasn't any use.

"we've been doing this forever." his words rung in your ears. he was right. you had been. you'd both been seeing each other so much and resisting the bubbling urge to kiss the shit out of each other. You'd been inching dangerously close to him, but never as close as you really wanted and craved, the warmth of his heart ghosting your skin... forever. he'd been avoiding your gaze-- the one that made him feel like all the four seasons were swirling up inside him and somehow all their wonder landing in you, seeping out in all the little things you did... forever. To be honestly, neither of you knew how long you could keep this up.

but here you are, thinking of and loving noting more than seeing his eyes fill with excitement as you hand him the mug. he cups it with both his hands even though it isn't cold inside so it wasn't like he needed to warm his hands. "You know, you should just keep your own mug here." you comment. he looks up at you, about to take a sip and obviously not very happy you interrupted his almost-bliss. though, in his mind, it wasn't that different-- no, it could not compare to the feeling he got around you. "Or maybe I should just bring one with me." he jokes, lips pursing to blow the steam off the surface of the delicious smelling drink. "Yeah," you nod, "and bring a plate while you're at it-- you know what," you lean on the counter in front of him, knuckles going under your chin and fingertips folded enough to touch the beginning of your palm. And he'd rather not look at you through the fog emanating from the porcelain mug so he puts it down, leaning in for dramatic effect. "Better yet, take it with you when you leave so I don't have to wash it!" you eyes go wide and you throw your hands up like you just had the best idea of the century-- better than sliced bread.

he puts a hand to his chest, leans back with his mouth hung wide open, and then gets up with his hands to his head pulling at his hair like he just had an epiphany. you laugh freely as he walks around in a circle. once he's back at the counter he slams his hands down on the edge of it and looks all serious. "You've got it, y/n! this is gonna make history!" he exclaims. You take a bow just for kicks and when you come back up his expression has suddenly changed. its gone much... softer, a smile is tugging at his lips and he can't help it but to let it free once he sees your smiling face again... smiling because of him, too. because of the joy you two make together. its unmatched, really. His fingertips feel flushed like his face, and aren't holding on so tightly to the cold metal edge of the counter. he's leaning in now, for what reason he doesn't really know. damn, he wants and fucking needs to be closer to you. he feels it in his core.

Then, he makes the mistake of looking into your eyes and in an instant you send him on a whirlwind. usually he distracts himself and looks at something else but he just couldn't bring himself to this time. He wants to set up an easel and capture your entire expression right here but your eyes... your eyes he's sure made his plan he's trying to stick to of not getting caught in your gaze. or, better yet, not getting caught gazing at you. but, for someone he knows so well and for so long, it wasn't easy. because, every time you speak, every time he looks at you, every time he even thinks of you, his mind starts to cloud with all the goodness he sees inside you. every inch of your mind he knows and all the other filled up spaced he wants to adventure into.

How could he stop his mind from getting tied up in the wonder of a human that was you? He sure couldn't, and nobody in their right mind would be able to. He snaps himself out of his thinking before you can think to do it yourself. Lord knows if you caught him spacing out at a time like this you'd give him one of your infamous smacks on the ears and he'd shriek so loud out of surprise people outside would hear him. "You're making me waste valuable time on drinking this." he chuckled, holding a finger up to you to signal: one minute, as he takes a few big gulps. he puts the cup down and leans back.

"one of your best, y/n." he complements.

you raise an eyebrow. "Oh? so there's a hierarchy and competition for best of y/ns hot chocolate now? if I would've known I would've made it look all cute." you said, getting back to work behind the counter. the place was pretty dead at the moment but there was still a few things needing tone done. "Come to think of it, I should deduct points for not putting a cinnamon heart on the surface." he wonders aloud. "Oh so just a heart would suffice? noting else?" you ask him. "well why not?" he nearly giggles, "Thought you loved me." You simply smile and roll your eyes at him, not really having the opurtunity to have any type of conversation like that here. although you wanted to. and it didn't really have to go the way you intended it. but if he-- or the both of you for that matter, were gonna go there, then you might as well and a full on sit down talk about it. again not that you didn't want to at all-- in fact, you'd thought about how it'd go down plenty more times then truly necessary. And what better place to have it in than where you two had met?

maybe it was just you making excuses for yourself; for putting it off just one more day. one more week. one more month. or basically one more eternity of longing stares and cut of sentences where, you wanna say more but ultimately fail to. the conversation now seemingly over, he shrugs and finishes his drink.

He stays and orders another extra extra sweet, practically caffeinated, slap you in the face to jolt you into operating at top speed crack drink that was his or your signature hot chocolate. this is a habit of his-- one he'd likely have to break soon if this floating feeling of his keeps up and un-in check. but a habit the both of you cherish-- where he comes in and stays until you have to leave. most of the time you don't even get to talk much. but the comfort that comes right along with your presence around each other makes up for it. thats another habit with the two of you: just being in the same room and doing different things. it was pure comfort just being around each other. maybe looking over and smiling at the other or striking up a conversation that could last a minute or the rest of time he was there or in other situations, the rest of time you'd were together-- however long you both wanted it, really. and it was never awkward, either. the silence never aching.

that's how it was when you first started walking back to your respective places after your shift. another habit of his, one you hope, along with the others, would never die. him staying for a while, talking a bit... or a lot with you, then walking together. usually it was him walking you home but others it'd just be whatever you two wanted that day. His hands are shoved in the pockets of his acid washed jeans when you look over at him.

"Did you grow or something?" you question.

"maybe you shrunk, hm?" he countered.

you narrowed your eyes at him. he turns to you and does the same. "Very adult of you." You scoff. "You started--" then, realizing that continuing to say was he was going to wasn't going to help his case in the slightest. It barely falls silent for a second before he, in a moment of either weakness or some extreme courage he doesnt know, he slows down a little, gently puts his hands onto your waist, finger finding place scrunched in your shirt, and stills you. though, with the rapid beating of your heart you didn't need any help to do so. He gently moves you to the inside of the sidewalk. he doesn't know why. it's kinda stupid really. he doesn't even have a reason expect that's how you two are usually walking. but it isn't ever really intentional. Usually he just gets out the door of the diner first and you follow soon after. but he liked it that way. it felt warm and comfortable.

he clears his throat. "So, you were saying?" you look back up at him, not too stunned to speak or anything just....thinking. time still in its frozen capsule like it was a moment ago with his hands on your waist. "I feel like you've grown." you say simply, verbally shrugging. he takes a look at his own arms as if that would give him an idea as to what you're talking about. "I know you haven't but," you sigh, unsure of where you're even going with this, "I dunno you seem different." the both of you are still facing forward, not having looked at each other since a minute ago. "Is that a good thing or a bed thing?" You smile. "good. definitely good." "that's good that it's good." he laughs.

"oh piss off!" You chuckle at him, shaking you head. a second later you don't hear his steps anymore and turn around to see him saying "gladly." and start to walk in the other direction. You yell at him to get his ass back here and he turns on his heel, trotting back to you with a smile on his face, eyes hidden by his hair as he looks down. "But yeah," you say once he's back to walking beside you, "You've defiantly grown. not in height, but how you are as a person now." he hums. "I guess I can see that. you have too, you know?" you quirk and eyebrow.

"like--" he takes a breath, "You've grown... not like you act completely different now, but you've just--" you get what he's trying to say. "Blossomed?" He nods, but before he can start talking again you're already opening your mouth. "So have you. Not like you weren't someone I wanted to spend a lot of time with when were first met but you've grown into this person who-who has so much depth to them. like sure, you look a little different and youve changed your hair countless times, but I think you've bloomed in a way. And I love that you have; that you've made yourself out to be who you are right now." he purses his lips together.

"hey, it's not all me, ya know? Ive only been able to grow the way you said I have because I've got you by my side. actually, no, more than that, I've got you coaching me and trying to help. And have you taken a look In the mirror? its not just me that's grown internally since we've both met. I feel like... You're more you know than you were before. or at least not as afraid to show who you are." "that's cause I have you cheering me on, beom." he smiles at the nickname, something you've had for him forever. just like how you've been learning each other inside and out forever. But he also smiles at himself. he was your personal hype man, as you'd say, wasn't he? "And im really proud of you for flourishing like you have." he says. "Im proud of us." you counter, "for both becoming more than we were before."

all that was missing was two glasses to toast. "Yeah, and we're achieving that together, too. we have been forever. and I know that's why its unfolding so beautifully-- it takes the two of us to pull something so great off like that." you try not to get all fluttery inside by the prospect of him thinking that you're "great." cause there isn't much to it, really. plain and simple. he thinks you're great... or the journey youve taken with him so far is great or whatever... it should stop there for you. but that's the thing: with him, it never does.

It kinda hits the both of you right in the face at that moment. and you realize all you need to know about how the other person feels the same way when your caught looking at each other and saying more or less the same thing of: "wow, I think our lives are intwined now and I love that."

as the minutes go on, you both talk about some of the ways youve seen this with each other-- growing internally as youve both said. You bring up something, then him, it goes on like this until you both have a realization. "...But seriously, though." you cause, "Im glad that we're like this." "Im happy we can be like this too. and to be honest, I don't just want to be a better person, I wanna be a better person with you." he quickly cocks his head to the side, almost like he was punctuating his sentence. "I was just about to say that! I like growing with you. it's amazing. and you make me want to be better. not in a competitive way though. I just wanna move along with life with you next to me."

He puts a hand to his chest, hopping it would distract him from how fast his heart was beating. It had the opposite affect, though, drawing his attention to it under his palm. "Im glad youve been in my life for so long." he says, wondering jut how far he was going to take all this confessing how wonderful it was to have you by his side. wouldn't this make more of an impact on he both of you than just making you smile? or was he making it more than it was? he probably was to be honest; friends tell each other how much they value each other all the time. just... probably the ones who's heart feels like its about to lift him up and fly him away to the moon, stay away from it.

"And I am glad we're in each others lives to often that we can brighten each others days whenever the other needs it." he nods in agreement, not trusting himself to talk more because he'll surely say all that he thinks of you... and us. the rest of the walk is spent back in the comfortable, fireplace like silence like the first couple minutes of it. Once you get to your front door and your back is turned, he draws in a breath. "It is wonderful to have you in my life, y/n. I don't think you can understand how great it is and how much I love it." you're about to swing open your door but you turn around to look in the eye. "Me too. I love how it feels to have you by my side." you really wish you had something more to say but it seems like its enough for him. cause a second later and he's nearly skipping away from your door. You shake you head at him and go inside.

He scratches the back of his neck, thinking entirely too much about what you had said to him. There was a thousand ways you could have meant hit but for some reason he only wanted to think of it as one. the one where you actually secretly wanted to kiss him every time you hugged goodbye. One where you'd invite him into your place for hot chocolate and he'd stay, and long, long while; only really going back to his home for clothes cause fuck, if he had you like that he wouldn't dream of letting you go or leaving you for as long as he could.

God, It was almost uncanny how, you knew what to call him, but his name? that was something else entirely it felt like now.HIs own name had come to be you. that was how much you were written on his heart; written like law on stone. so engraved in his mind that he felt like you were with him all his life... except with this it was more like someone who knew him his entire life but suddenly stoped paying attention for a very important mile marker, then suddenly started up paying attention again, completely glossing over something that was so important to him. Like his name: but now youve replaced it with your own an the wasn't mad about it. and you didn't know, did you? would you ever know his name?

and, in the middle of all his swirling like a hurricane that brought peace instead of distruction, he wondered if you were ever feeling the same thing. did you think of him the way he thought of you?

He knew everything about you, as did you, he, you thought as you slipped off your shoes at the door. But you figured that, since friends need to be honest as much as they can, that wasn't entirely true. cute there was this one, not so small thing youve never shared with him. something that was such a big part of you it might as well be your name. The way you felt when he was near, when you thought of him, fuck, even when someone mentioned him. at this point, him-- and feeling this was about him was such a bug thing that it had become a part of you. he had become a part of you. and just like a name it was something you wanted and needed to tell the whole world. including him.

but there was the problem, you couldn't just scream it out for everyone to hear. that's why youve been waiting. Even though it was takin g a long time for him to figure out that big giant part of you that thad become as second nature as a name. Beomgyu was smart, but apparently he was stupid when it came to this. but seriously, with all the slip ups youve been having recently, you're starting to wonder if he's deliberately not understanding you and your feelings. Like is he that dense or does he just not want you?

You shoot him a message none the less; telling him to text when he got home unless you'll start to worry.

===

The next time you talk was on the phone on your way to work. He likes to walk you there, too. but today just happened to be one of those days where it couldn't happen. But you missed his presence on the street that reminded you of the talk you had yesterday so the next best thing was to call him. "Hey, it's the server from the diner." You say. "yeah, I know." It was a throwback to when he'd given his number to the place so he could get a free delivery. Though he was hoping you'd pick up on it and call him. and you did. you were the one who had to call to let him know his order had arrived and was currently getting cold outside his door. you had ended the call with him apologizing profusely.

One thing lead to another and you made a follow up call on how the food tasted. you heard him smiling from the other end of the phone as he says, "great as always." You barely thought he would even pick up so you didn't know what to say after that. "especially the hot chocolate." he aded then. And now you're the one smiling uncontrollably. After a few minutes on the phone that day your heart is leaping with excitement. so the next time he comes in, you talk with each other more freely. and now you had his number so when he doesn't come in for a few days you remembered mustering up the courage to text him. "I really wanted to come over there. hot chocolate would probably help cure whatever I have." you felt stupid. duh of course he was just sick, why were you so worried?

within the hour, hot chocolate was delivered to his door free of cost.

and that's when the friendship began; with him texting you an entire paragraph just to say thanks for the gesture and you two talking back and forth, heart seemingly on the edge of its seat, about hot chocolate and hot drinks in general.

"You know... our manager is always telling us to use water," you repeat now what you said all that time ago, "But I always use milk and cream for you." He's snapped back to the present, with you on the other end of the phone, wind whipping in the mic. "aww you really do care, don't cha?" he laughs, smug smile gracing his lips.he can practically hear you roll your eyes from the other end of the phone. "your welcome." you drawled. "I sincerely thank you for your sacrifice of cream and milk." he said, and it sounds like a joke, but still he's smiling in gratitude none the less. youre about to joke about how he needs to repay you... somehow. but he beats you to it. though... with the way he starts off, it doesn't sound like fully a joke. but just enough of one where he knows you'll listen.

"And as a formal expression of my forever debt to you, I invite you to attend a party with me." You figured you'd play along, his tone not serious enough for you to spend the brain power to actually think of an answer. "yeah, sure, Beom." It was about as real to you as the both of you staying completely quiet during a movie so you played along. at least, you thought you were playing. beomgyu puts his speaker of his phone up to his mouth, nearly making your ears bleed as he yells into it: "no take backs!" then promptly hangs up.

you roll your eyes at him, a little concerned for future you and him but cracking up none the less. The surprised expression on your face when he comes by later to quote "take the both of you shopping for the party the next day." was so priceless he wished he had whipped out his phone quick enough. "I keep my promises." he reminds you as he sits down at his usual bar stool. And he sure does, like the one he's been keeping, weighing on his heart for so long he feels like its going to crack it n a million pieces impossible to pick up, about just how much he feels for you. he made that promise to you to stick by you as friends for as long as you'd have him there long enough to be forgotten. but now him. he remembers it like it was yesterday and he intends to keep his word, especially to you. who knows which way it would take you if he didn't. and the last thing he needs is for you two to be torn apart.

he slumps on the counter and gives you puppy dog eyes. you sigh "No one told me you were serious. that was coercion; I did not understand the phrasing of the question, therefore--" oh, you wanted court of law? he'd give you court of law. "uh uh" he wriggles his finger in your face. "was this under a false pretense? maybe. but did that initially give you the right to call back and or ask further questions? yes. so for that reason youre guilty!" he slams an imaginary gavel down on the white counter. you turn around to take a breath. he kicks his feat. "come on, y/n! I think it'll be fun. and if not then we'll leave right away and go to my place to watch tv. and we'll get a cute outfit out of it either way!" you think about it for a moment. "I need deodorant anyways!"

well it is important not to have a stench.....

he can tell youre thinking about it and he perks up at the sight of your wheels turning behind your eyes. it was one of this favorite things-- watching you think, weigh your options and all. It wasn't like you completely didn't want to go. there was a part of you, one that was soon going to get bigger youre sure. but a part of you right now none the less. so what was stopping you? you wanted to be close to him. you loved being close to him and that meant doing things together. but in an environment like this.... it might pose a problem to lips kept tightly shut and secrets you held behind your back.

You take one last look at him, and if it's a regular response between friends or in a slip up you don't know, but you agree. he nearly jumps up out of his seat in celebration. Why did he suggest this? who knows. was this a good idea? who. the fuck. knows. maybe because he wanted to do something with you. but it was probably something more than that it the back of his mind that made him call you and ask. but he knows full well what almost happened the last time you two went to a party together. a bunch of "aww youre so cute together!" made it seem all a little too real after a while and as the night went on with him eventually stopping himself from telling the truth to these people and him getting seemingly eaten from the inside when he stopped just reviling in the fantasy and remembered that no, youre not together. The night ended somehow with you two coming dangerously close to kissing.

maybe he really just wanted to spend time with you; a sort of do-over. he could control himself this time. or maybe that's what it was... he wanted to test the waters again-- challenge himself and see if he really could have self control. or maybe, just maybe, in the back of his mind he wanted to test the waters another way. maybe he wanted to know if it'd happen again. of course he wouldn't do anything about it; he wanted to keep his promise to you but something felt like it was knocking at the back of his mind.

once your shift is done, he's got a spring in his step as he opens the door for the both of you and bouncing on his heels with a smile on his face telling you to hurry up. and no, you don't just go shopping for deodorant... but instead spend two full hours shopping around. two full hours that consisted of trying on clothes and the both of you having to bite your tongues. because fucking hell, why'd he have to have such a good style? you perk up as he steps out the dressing room for the third time, already preparing yourself for you heart seemingly about to beat out of your chest. "what do you think?" "I think..." his face sinks.... "oh--" he pouts, "no no! it looks great! its just, its white."

he quirks and eyebrow at you. "I have eyes, ya know? I did pick it out." he reminds you, nose and mouth scrunching up in that classic Beomgyu disgusted face. "spillage." you simply say. his eyebrows got up into his hairline. "youre right." the next out fit he comes out with, a little more spillage proof, is what he decides on. he takes another look in the mirror, sighing. "you really think it looks good?" he questions. "I have eyes, ya know?" you echo him. he spins around into the dressing room, away from you as quickly as possible so you didn't have to see the smile on his face and the rosy tint to his cheeks.

When it comes to you and picking out your outfits, while youre walking ahead of him to the dressing rooms, he closes his eyes, leaning his head against the wall so he can think for a moment. or... more stop himself form thinking so much than anything. he knows what he's getting himself into. but How you reacted each time he'd first appear out the dressing rooms door with that wistful glassy look in your eyes, almost like you yourself were trying to stop your gears turning.... Times like that gave him hope that maybe yeah, you felt the same way about him as he did you. because just for a short moment he saw the same look in his eyes that they had on him now; trying so hard to stop thinking about you. you, you, you, you.

"I think a round of applause is in order!" you say.-- twenty minutes in. twenty minutes of him bouncing his leg. twenty minutes of you hiding the way his complements make you feel. twenty minutes of the second you shut the door behind you him screaming internally into his palms and twenty minutes of you doing the same. he smiles at you when you come out. "I know. we have good taste." his cheeks seem to be nearly kissing at his lashes as he smiles and he's driving you crazy. "We do, don't we?" you take another look in the mirror.

"You really think it's--" Youre starting to stress over if the outfit really is worth the buy. you like it a lot. but now youre starting to wonder if its a little too little here or too much there and-- "I have eyes, don't I?" he repeats, you turn around and lock eyes with him for just a second too long not to do anything to the both of your heart rates.

===

fast forward to the next night and youre swinging your door open to see him turned the other way. he spins around as soon as he hears the door. You press your lips together and he unconsciously mimics you. "you look really beautiful!" he beams. he's just being your personal hype man as always, and youre not afraid to say that you love it. "Aw you look really beautiful too."

the words slipped past both of your lips like water through fingers. though, unlike water, the words were thick, with feelings long left in the dark hiding behind them. "Oh? so just beautiful? not really--" You step out toward him, closing the door behind you, making you step just a little bit too close to him than usual. "really really beautiful." you clarified. and this time, he doesn't move his head. "thank you." he whispers, voice softer than his hair. and the both of you are unable to move from your doorstep-- frozen in time and space, with the only thing moving being your rapid heart beats and rising chests.

====

he looks at you beside him and can feel your gears turning inside your head, a sight he so badly wants to get lost in but knows he can't. realizing it'd be bad enough with the gorgeous outfit you were wearing and how he was sure at least someone was going to try and hit on you... he'd rather not start getting himself tangled with you now. but he can't seem to move his neck any other way than craned to his left to look at you.

its was just.... as much as he wants an needs to kiss you so badly.... your so Important to him, he thinks as he lags behind a bit, watching you walk ahead. and your friendship is so important to him that they never want to break it, even if that meant shutting his mouth and staying further away, cause in the end that's really what he wanted: to be and stay friends with you. the reason he stayed never has been and never will be just about what he felt for you. your friendship will always be the most important thing to him and heeds never want to jeopardize that and loose you. he'd rather your friendship stay strong than anything.

Your turn around, beckoning him to come closer. he skips to you, so happy you don't know what to do with yourself. "You know--" "no, I don't. I was hoping you'd tell me." you scoff. "I was going to say that im glad you invited me. Im ready to go be extroverts together now and experience all the bad smells and all the loud noises a party has to offer." he laughs, but he knows youre half serious. and he's fully serious when he says he's happy you came.

====

the noise thumps in your ears, nearing making them ring. the lights are dimmer than you thought needed but it-- along with noise and people constantly bumping into each other, sufficed in making the atmosphere very party-like. cause well, it was a party after all. He follows you, both trying to scout out where the kitchen was. you'd planned to stick together, tighter than you did last time, tighter than when the both of you were bombarded with people asking you about each other, and stick together you did.

even when you two went upstairs, trying to find the bathroom, and stumbled upon a couple people fucking and practically biting each others faces off in the room you thought was the bathroom. Beomgyu shuts the door immediately, any longer and you'd both be traumatized. "get your own room!" you hear from behind the heavy door." He looks at you and you back at him before bursting into laughter. "I mean, did you want to orrrr?" you phrase it as a joke, and though he thinks he hears something in the back of your tone, he only rolls his eyes at you. though his brows go up higher than youve ever seen.

The second he's done in the bathroom you lead in downstairs to where the music was the loudest. "I heard it too." he pants, "I was trying to hurry up." you really couldn't believe they were playing this here. it was almost too perfect, you thought. with his body so close to yours, dancing and enjoying the song you both liked. And suddenly, it didn't feel like you were in a crowded room. and for a moment all you could see, and feel, and smell, was him. him and his fingers now reaching for yours, spinning you around, laughing without a care in the world. like it didnt matter that your heart was about to beat out of your chest, making you float on the floor you were dancing on.

Everyone else-- the entire room was blurred. It was just you, and him. him, and you. just as it should be. this didn't happen all the time-- rather, you didn't let it happen all the time. but when it did... you swore youve never felt anything so natural. so--so right and beautiful. You smile and ease him into a dip, now youre both laughing. when he comes up, somehow both his hands ended up in yours and now he's pulled flush against your body. he feels like you both are taking up so much and too little space at the same time--like the whole floor is yours and yours only. he swallows thickly, neither of you making a move to step away. you know it sounds stupid but for a second you can feel as life your hearts are beating as one. and for a seance he feels like maybe this is really real. that it won't end any second and that he isn't having another day dream about slow dancing with you in one of your living rooms; all comfy and--

"I have to go get some water." you say so low that only he hears over the music. you really shouldnt let it goony further than this. at least not here. and as much as you wanted to keep ignoring everyone around you cause with him, were they even there in the first place? you knew you shouldn't, couldn't keep it up for much longer cause being this close to him only made you wanna kiss the shit out of him. "y-youre not--" you look at the next to no gap between you still, hands still closes around each others tightly. you blink to free yourself from the perfect daze youre caught in. the song was barely even slow enough to slow dance to. what you you doing? "moving? I know." and before he could even ask if you to stay longer, youre already pushing yourself off his chest and out of his grasp.

"You sure you don't want me to just go with you?" he nearly stumbles after you. "beom, its just for a second." You whip around to face him, arms crossed defensibly. "but a lot can happen in a second." yeah, I can see that, you say to yourself, thinking about just a moment before where dancing to a song you both liked turned quickly into something that was going to make you stumble. beom, the name echoed in his mind over and over until it flowed into his heart where all the other times youve laughed or called him by that nickname laid. "listen I know youre just trying to uphold our agreement, but seriously, im fine."

he knows he's probably being too worried for you, but he just can't. epically after you'd done that. with your hands clasping his against his chest. god, he never wanted it to end. little did he know neither did you. you did actually need water, being so close to him like that had a track record of making your throat go dry and fingers go numb. it also had a track record of making you get lost in his glazed over eyes. you find a cup and rinse in out before anything cause who knew where its been. a moment later youre about to refill your cup when you hear the unmistakable sound of Beomgyus shriek. followed by someone yelling at him.

oh god what did he get himself into now?

You run to where you last saw him and, finding him not there you rush to where you saw a few people gathered by the stairs. those people who were now making way for beomgyu flying down them. someone hot with anger and hot on his tale. Your brows furrowed as he zooms past you. "im sorry!" you hear him say, "I probably shouldn't have gotten involved but it looked like a pretty heated argument!" oh god? that was what this was about? "Yah!" the person yells behind him. "that's why you shouldve stayed out of it!" then and Beomgyu are both on opposite ends of the sofa, both waiting for the other to make a move. when the person inches right, beomgyu tips to the left. when beomgyu goes the other way, the person follows his movements.

two of the three people move off the sofa to get out the way. god, he really was fucked, wasn't he? you didn't know what to do, really. you left for five minutes and here he was getting screamed profanities at by some random person. You wanted to help, but as beomgyu brings up to the person how the person they were talking with looked hurt, and how they themself looked hurt as well, you leaned against the door frame and just watched.

it was another one of these situations, huh? they didn't look mad enough to really do much of a number on him anyways, and youd step in to stop them any minute now if beomgyu doesn't leave the argument first. And step in a minute later after beomgyu and the person going back and forth tore you apart from the inside out to one, see him so worried like this, and two, hearing them yell next to you with the loud ass music was starting to make your ears bleed you didn't need to do after all. Beomgyu was backing up with his hands in front of him defensively. it didn't feel like you needed to collect him or keep him out of trouble or anything cause he was intentionally trying to start a fight, but you could tell no one was going to get anywhere with this. or at least beomgyu wasn't going to get what he was looking for from the person. So you figured it best to tell it that you two should leave. you grab him by the shoulders and lead him out the door. you were kinda done with the party anyways, having been there quite enough time already.

"im sorry! I ruined our night, didn't I?" he begs. "but they were saying some pretty shitty things about someone and it looked like it was about to turn physical." he practically pleads with you as the night air nips at whatever wasn't covered on you. you stay silent the whole way back to you place. "What have I told you?" you tell more than ask sternly once he's plopped down on his sofa. he hands his head low. "Not to get in the middle of other peoples problems..." he echoes what you say every time something like this happens-- he thinks he can be be everyones knight In shinning armor, protecter and helper to all by getting himself involved. it usually doesn't have such... strong repercussions. most of the time its when he hers whispers of someone talking about their troubles with someone else and he tries to console them. which is fine on its own, but then comes the part where he's getting all caught up in it and he's getting hurt along with them.

and as much as you are shaking your head and rolling your eyes at the situation he got himself into... you purse your lips and try not to catch his eyes from across the sofa. you lean back. "But im not surprised. And it's not because you never learn or that youre stupid or anything, ok? so don't even go there. but that's just who you are, how youve always been since I met you-- caring so much for people, even people you don't know that you'll end up like this trying to help them sometimes. that's one of the things about you that haven't changed one bit since I've met you." he inches closer as if you hear you better, legs folded criss cross on the cushions and hands on his knees.

"don't make me out to be such a hero." he shakes his head. and this time you move a little closer. "Not saying you are just," you pause, knowing what you want to say but wondering if this really was the right time for it. It felt right in your bones and besides when were you going to get another chance like this one? when just a bit ago his hands fit perfectly in yours and you could feel his raging heartbeat under your palms? It was now or never, right? but really, you werent too sure you'd be able to stop yourself now. you might've been in too deep, but with him, never over your head. "just, youre the kindest person ive ever met. n' I just worry you'll get hurt more than youve already gotten in the past-- like youve gotten in the past when you get invested like this."

youre breathing all heavy for some reason, and he's getting that same glassy look in his eyes as earlier in the night. it reminds you of a sugar honey glaze on sweet fruit or a dessert and you can't help but stare int them. "glad to see you care." he shrugs. only his lips move thankfully just in your field of vision, eyes staying locked on yours. "I thought you knew I did. he's unconsciously leaning forward to you, his body following the magnetic pull that was you. though he's only following what seemed natural. "Thought you knew that I did?" you put your face in your palm, elbow balanced on your knee. "Yeah, but..." he trails off, the both of you now impossibly close.

and closer, and closer, and closer until your lips join in a searing kiss. you both sigh in relief into it, having waited so, so long. now your heart was really beating out of your chest, your fingertips no longer numb but boiling with feeling. his hands go from his knees to your hands, grasping them firmly, but gently just like you did to him at the party. he felt like he was floating, like he was suddenly sitting on a cloud and wasn't afraid of falling. god, he's wanted this for so long; for fucking ever. how could he stop now? you pull apart, and now youre thinking how in the world you felt out this long. ".... now the way I want you to." he continues, "not the way I do." you smile, leaning in again to kiss him. it was meant to be a quick peck, but instead it turned into you leaning your body into his and his hands on your arms, running up and down them, making you sink further into him and the seat in warmth.

Now, for a second time, you pull away. "Does that help answering how much I care?" he's smiling like a mad man at your words. "so I guess I didn't ruin our night?" he says, more to get his Brian working properly more than anything. "The opposite. I wanted to leave with you anyways." and now he's nearly jumping out of his seat to to do a little happy dance. he couldnt help it, though. especially when you were pulling him back in by his shirt balls dup in your fist and smashing your lips together.

when you pull apart though, instead of smiling in each others faces, the both of you shoot up. oh god... oh god! what did you just do? it wasn't suppose to go like this, he thinks as you rush to put your shoes on at the door. No words were exchanged between the two of you, though. except: "Hey... I--" "no no!" you say a little too loudly, "no, its fine. we don't ever need to speak of this again, sound good?" his lips form a line at your words. he shoots you a thumbs up. "...yeah." it wasn't what he wanted, that's of for user. but what other choice did he have? didn't look like you were ready for it to happen, so my default, now he wasn't either.

it wasn't like you two avoided each other at all costs in the week after the incident. no, not at all. you were friends above anything and everything, and such close friends that being like that to each other would've killed the both of you. and it wasnt like you were mad at each other... but now the silence on your walks together felt.... uncomfortable; unnatural and weird. like you needed to fill it with pointless talking to distract you from how there was this... air in the midst of you two-- like you knew what the other wanted, craved and needed but were too scared to do something about it.

that's why he knew he had to do something about it. so here he was, barging into the diner you worked past closing time. You quickly run to the door to unlock it for him. not like you were doing anything better anyways, watching the raindrops slide down one of the many windows as you wiped down each table. he was later than he usually was, but it looked like he was here for more than just to pick you up. the look in his eyes said it all. You turn around as soon as you pull the door open for him. "we're closed, Beom." the nickname slipped off your tongue so easily it was like you had forgotten the incident the week before, and how you promised yourself you'd back away even more than you had to keep it from happening again.

it wasn't like you didnt want it to. god was it the opposite. it was just... new, and scary. you knew that wasn't the best excuse but it was all you had. he was, in a way all you had. You didn't really know what moving along that road would mean. you knew it'd be good. but again, it was new and scary.

"I can't loose you." he pants behind you. for once he it was raining and for once he did run here. he spreads his arms wide, his long hair dripping on his shoulders. "And I can't-- I can't believe we let this come between us. and I don't want to let the wedge be driven any further." when you still don't respond, back still turned he gets more desperate, running a worried hand through his hair. "Come on, y/n! we're best friends!" you slam your towel down on the counter. "yeah, well maybe that's why this should've never fuckin happened." your words make the room go silent. you didn't yell it, you didnt exclaim it, you basically whispered it, but it boomed like a bomb going off none the less.

he was too important-- your relationship, whatever it may be, was too important to let go; you knew that. he knew that. he didnt say a word, realizing that he might say something to make the situation worse. he knew he was staying after hours, then again, it reminded him of how it would be between the two of you a week ago when you'd still talk the same. he'd come in, you'd make him the best hot chocolate he'd ever tasted next to his moms, and then he'd sit at the same bar stool and you'd talk for hours, barely making a move to actually go home. but eventually, after helping you with cleaning, he'd walk you home.

but for watts its worth, neither of you wanted to go back to those times, even after everything quite liking how the experience of the incident felt. You invite him to go to your place to talk it out some more. having the same idea, he agrees readily.

"I haven't been completely honest with you." you say, youve been talking for a little over a hour now, somehow slipping into how it was about a week ago along the way back to your place, and you don't think youve felt something so good-- so reliving, in a very long time. "I haven't been telling the whole truth either." no other words are uttered between the two of you, opting to lean ever so frustratingly and tantalizingly slow into each other,. his hand coming to rest on your thigh, folded underneath you at the knee on his sofa. you place your hand on top of his has your lips connect, a long awaited satisfied sigh is breathed into each others face, the air tickling you. youre rubbing circles on the back of his hand as his mind races. it was a kiss you poured all your feelings into. one where you spilled into it how you needed him with you so so so bad. how you wanted him beside you even more than he already was. how you were sorry it took you so long, and how you couldn't wait to keep being beside each other. you could feel him pour all that and more into his side of it and you reviled in the feeling, settling into it like it was second nature.

you blink a couple times when you pull apart, glad that you took your talk someplace else now. and well, I guess the both of you know now. youve now pulled out of the dark that beautiful little thing you two were hiding.

Now you both know just that one more, not so little thing you needed-- what was on each of your hearts the most.

~end~

Can’t believe never written a solely beomgyu fic before anyways as I’ve said if you liked it please comment and or reblog since tumble works on that system and liking it only bookmarks it for you :) I hope you enjoyed!!!

©️2023copyrightofshutupheathersorryheatherr do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works even if you give me credit

taglist: @itz-yerin

[gible-love-nibles]

Kisses Under the K.onohana Branch

Safeshiptember Day 1: "Sharing your very first romantic kiss"

So I originally wasn't going to post this thing: leave this forever in my personal D.iscord server just to look at every now and again. Maybe share with some friends if they asked nicely.

But now I'm posting it here on the blog because it just so happened to be almost done when the prompt lists were coming out and it was basically Day One's prompt.

So. Yeah. Enjoy. Also I barely edited word choice here, I die like a man. (This is. So self-indulgent 🫡 AND it ran away from me at the end so. 🫡🫡🫡)

Word Count: 2.3k

Taglist: @crickiss @heart-of-aspiration @halsdaisy @sosawl @homosexual-fast-dancer @jocelynships @imaginemyshipswithme [If you want to added or removed, tell me in a comment or tag!]

(Please reblog! I like reading tags :])

A quiet afternoon underneath a tree overlooking the Nipponese countryside, brush in hand and easel at my side. The temperature was perfect, no one else for miles. What could be better than this?

Well… maybe my brush skills.

I frowned a bit at my work. I kept telling myself that practice made perfect, and that I hadn't used ink much. I was still getting the hang of it. But still… it was hard not to be a little frustrated that my painting didn't seem to be shaping up.

"Maybe I need to stop looking at it so hard,” I muttered to myself. I put my brush down and went to lay my back against the tree trunk. I sighed deeply as I slid down, taking in the peace of my surroundings.

Maybe just a quick nap… that would be the rest I needed.

But I perked up upon hearing a song play on the wind. The song from a flute. And it was close. Which meant only one thing.

I couldn't help but let out an annoyed huff.

Waka.

Of course I knew he meant no harm (he was extremely helpful actually)… but I was a touch irritated by the guy. He was too… perfect, I guess. Pretty (objectively), talented with a flute and a sword, could tell prophecies (supposedly)… what couldn't the guy do?

I closed my eyes to pretend I was asleep, hoping that maybe he wanted to bother someone else.

The music stopped, and I heard a branch rustle slightly from above. No sound of a landing.

"What marvelous work here."

No such luck then. Darn.

After a moment—

"Not even a hello? Have you fallen asleep?" He sounded… close. Too close.

I opened one eye, but both widened in surprise right after. Waka was almost right in my face: close enough that I could see where his hair cover didn't quite get every strand and some blonde locks poked to frame his face, or his piercing blue eyes or—

He pulled back with a smile and a chuckle, clearly enjoying my reaction. "Good morning, ma cherie."

"Hello, Waka," I said flatly. He didn't seem to mind as he went to sit down next to me. He met my cool stare at him back with a cool, charming smile.

"Enjoying this wonderful day, are we?"

"Mhm."

"And you're the one who's painting that lovely landscape?"

"Yes. I don't think it's quite as marvelous as you say it is though. The painting, not the land."

"Whyever not?"

"It's..." I struggled to find the words. "It's... not up to where I think it should be, I guess. There's a disconnect between my perceived skill and my actual skill."

"Hmm... are you having fun with that piece?"

"I... suppose so. It's nice being out here, at the very least."

"Then you should be focusing on that instead of if you're good enough. Focus on the positive, not the negative."

"Yeah... I guess you're right."

Waka made a satisfied sound in his throat and leaned back on the tree, eyes closed like he was going to take his own nap.

"...Do you ever get tired of being perfect?" I joked.

He cracked one eye open. "Perfect?" He let out the start of a laugh. "Ma cherie, I am anything but perfect."

It was meant as a tease, but it sounded almost... hollow. Like there was more loaded in that phrase than he was letting on. A tiny chill went through me.

"Wh-What do you mean by that?"

He noticed my shift in tone and tried to shift the topic. "The festival is shaping up to be the loveliest it's ever been this year."

"Waka..."

"What, with no more eight-headed beasts making snacks out of fair maidens."

"Waka."

"I'll have to try some of Kushi's famous sake—"

"Waka." He finally paused, but he didn't look at me. "You know I don't think you have to be perfect, right? I like you just how you are."

"...Thank you. But it's not about that."

"Then what was that about?"

"It's rude to say this to a lady, so forgive me... but I envy you, ma cherie."

"M-Me? Why me?"

"Well... not quite you, specifically. I envy... mortals."

"Ah. I get it." Waka sat up in surprise. "Well—! I think I can grasp it at least."

"How could you—"

"You're a celestial being, right? Can live way longer than a mortal. When you live that long... you're just... on a different playing field than everything else here. You stay the same while everything else moves around you. Fast."

"...Very wise. Very wise indeed. Soon, all you're left with is you… and your mistakes."

I started reaching out my hand to cover his hand, but I chickened out and opted to place it next to his. "I'm... so sorry Waka."

"Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything."

"I know, it's just... I wish I could help—"

"It's long in the past now, and I'm trying to fix my messes. That's the best I can do now." Now he was covering my hand with his own hand. "Besides, you lending an ear is helping plenty."

"Just... focus on the positive, ok?"

Waka chuckled a bit. "That sounds familiar."

"I guess we're both hard on ourselves, huh?"

Waka didn't respond and looked down, losing the little smile he had.

"Hey…" He flicked his eyes to me. I started to open up my arms. "If you need anything, like an ear or a hug, just—“

Waka threw himself at me with so much force, it felt like Ammy tackling me. I landed with my back on the grass. Thankfully, it didn't hurt much.

Meanwhile, Waka held me in a bear-trap grip. He didn't say anything; I wasn't even sure if he knew he did it.

His hair cover was soft like bird feathers, and it was hard not to notice he smelled like stardust and peaches. I was really hoping he couldn't feel how hot my face felt.

Eventually (after me trying to give him some comfort by hesitantly rubbing his back), we were leaning back on the tree.

"…Apologies, ma cherie. I'm… not sure what came over me…"

“I-It's alright! All you really did was startle me. It's fine, really.”

He didn't look convinced. Silence.

I cleared my throat and stretched out my arms again. "Just… if you want to try again, without tackling me.”

It took him a few moments but he did hug me again. He was gentler this time, but there was still a noticeable grip. He rested his head on my shoulder and nuzzled into my neck. I felt myself getting warm again. Maybe to distract myself, I spoke up again.

"Listen… You don't— have to, be anyone for me. Wh-What I mean is… You don't have to be the Tao Master, or the great prophet, or the Moon Cave's protector, or whatever else people are calling you. You can just be… Waka. You don't have to impress me with any fancy title or power; I just like you how you are."

"…Really?"

"Really! Honest! That's the 100% truth."

Waka pulled himself up to look me in the face, and he just… stared. I couldn't read his expression.

Silence stretched on. I could feel each second passing slower and slower.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I cracked. "I— I'm sorry, I shouldn't've—“

I was stopped by Waka cupping my cheek with a hand.

"…Thank you, Clare. You don't know how much that means to me, ma lune."

He was smiling— a warm, genuine smile— as he leaned over and left a long, gentle kiss on my cheek. Time really did seem to freeze then.

His lips stayed on my cheek when he finished. "Ma lune…" He whispered.

I thought I felt my heart stop for a few seconds.

When he pulled back, Waka let out the start of a laugh and desperately tried not to follow it up. "I think I went a little too far." Despite his cool facade, his cheeks were dusted red.

"N-No!" I immediately retorted. "You didn't go too anything! I just…" My heart was still hammering, so I clasped a hand over it. Waka watched with amusement, but it was impossible not to see the affection in his gaze.

Quiet tried to settle in. Quiet for some reason, I didn't like.

"So… um…" The more I thought about the question I wanted to ask him, the more awkward it sounded. Still, I clearly had his attention by how his expression shifted to intrigue. Couldn't back down now. "Do girls… Er, are there… Other……"

Waka smiled and brought a hand up to my cheek again. "No. Just you." He stroked my cheek with his thumb as he cupped my other cheek and leaned in, only inches away from me now. "You have no need to worry about anything like that, ma cherie. You captured my heart the moment we met, and every second we spent together only snared me in more. There's nothing that'll change that."

I noticed that his eyes kept subtly darting to my lips. My heart thundered in my chest, and I felt myself holding my breath.

"…May I?" Waka finally whispered. "I promise I'll be gentle." I couldn't find my voice, so I nodded instead. "You're sure?" Another nod. "Alright. Just relax. No reason to be scared."

Hard to relax when you're so pretty and looking at me like that and—

Stop overthinking. That's why you're so nervous. Just... don't think so much. Breathe.

I let go of the breath I was holding. In, out. In, out.

"S-Sorry... Just... excited...? Anxious, b-but-! Excited."

Waka smiled, then took one of his hands from my face and cupped my chin with his index finger and thumb. If my face wasn't on fire before, it sure was now.

"I feel exactly the same, ma lune."

He tilted my head just enough to press his lips to mine in a soft sweet kiss. My heart felt like it exploded for a few seconds, but it calmed down as it went on and my eyes closed. It was pure bliss.

I was a little out of breath when Waka pulled away, just enough to stop the kiss but his lips were still next to mine.

"Do you know how long I've waited to do that? Far too long. But now... you have me completely. I'm going to stay by your side for the rest of time. I don't want to be without you again. I love you, Clare."

It took me a bit to really register what he said; my head was still swimming from the first kiss. But when it did hit me, I felt myself get all warm again.

Before I could think to try and hide my face, Waka captured my lips again, more excitedly than last time, more fervently. He wrapped his arms around my neck, and I melted in his arms.

I nuzzled my face into Waka's neck after that kiss, being very certain my face was on fire. Waka just chuckled and planted a little kiss on my head. "You're just adorable, baby~" He said, sweet as honey.

He then took one of my hands in his own, and started to kiss it. First each tip, then where each finger bent, then the back; then he turned it over and kissed the palm and the inside of my wrist.

I felt myself burning up all the while and a tiny shudder went through me from each little kiss. My throat would barely let me talk.

"W— W— Wa—"

I looked up enough to see that had gotten his attention, but my heart skipped from seeing how he looked at me. There was so much affection— raw, unfiltered love— in his gaze, my throat seized up.

"Yes, ma lune?" He asked, low and soft.

"Wh— What… are you— doing?"

His smile grew and he hummed a bit. "I suppose… I'm thanking you."

"Th-Thanking me? F-For what?"

"Oh… Too much to simply just say. There's so much you've done that you've never been properly thanked for."

"L… Like what?"

His eyes gained a small mischievous glint. He started to kiss up my arm; after each one, he'd have a thank-you and a reason at his lips.

I was hardly listening to any of them; I was too busy processing this affection.

Waka went up my arm, planted a few on my shoulder, a couple on my neck, then (with a little tilting of my head) went up to my jaw, my cheek, and then finally kissed the corner of my mouth before another quick kiss on the lips. Finally after that, he watched me for a bit before letting out the start of a laugh and touching my forehead with his.

"Oh ma lune… You make me the happiest man in Nippon."

It took a unbearably long time to find the words in my throat (though in real time, it was probably only a few seconds).

"W-Waka…"

"Hm?"

…I had to think long and hard on how I wanted to word this. "…Not that I… didn't enjoy that, but… could you, tone it down a bit for next time? Just a teeny tiny bit?" My voice became smaller with each word.

Waka was quiet, and I worried he didn't hear me. But then: "I really did go too far this time, didn't I?" His voice was caked in embarrassment.

"I-It's… it's alright. Really."

"I doubt that. I'm sorry, very sorry; it's just—"

"Been a long time?"

"…Yes. A very, very long time. …I'll tone it down from now on, or at least warn you beforehand. I promise." He was quiet again before adding a bit sheepishly: "It's fine to keep holding you, right?"

"It's fine Waka. You're very comfy."

He let out a sigh of relief and relaxation settled in. The wind blew through the field, bringing a pleasantly cool breeze.

"Clare?"

"Yeah?"

"…Thank you."

[foggyparadisecandy]

On trauma processing ... I'm reading up on this stuff ... for my own needs but also because I'm still struggling with how I could have better helped my ex when she ran into her problem.

Another post that shouldn't be read - you've been warned - boring internal monologue stuff being written out.

I'm certainly smarter ... or at least more informed ... now then I was two and a half months ago.

Wishes are pointless and I don't generally indulge in them but ... yeah ... a time machine would be nice about now.

Not to salvage the relationship but to get her to a better place. Which tbh is really all I wanted with her - nurture and uplift ... nurture and uplift ...

But the thing I'm understanding the most is that most of us can work through trauma on our own. And most of us can build resilience and become stronger if we navigate the trauma properly.

That gives me hope for her. [My therapist and further readings have made me question this bullshit.] I need to let go of my savior complex ... she doesn't need me to "save" her.

Although ... also true ... she legit did not deal with her parental trauma properly. She just packed it down and it manifested in many self-hating ways. And this new trauma brought up some very horrible self-destructive, self-hate, nasty coping strategies.

So ... who knows who knows who knows how well she will do? I suspect ... strongly believe ... it will be more of the same for her until something even worse comes along. Will she survive it? IDK tbh. I'm not sure she's going to come out of the current round whole or alive.

Fuck. It doesn't matter. I mean ... it does matter to me ... fr fr fr ... but I'm powerless so it's not healthy to obsess. She made her choices. I'm not god. I have no say. It's over for me.

I understand it. I'm not sobbing any more. I'm not as lonely any more. I don't desperately ache and long to speak with her any more.

If I reflect back the stuff I've learned ... why tf was this break up so traumatic to ME? It was just a break up, right? And I know ... "you should allow yourself to experience what you experience and feel what you feel. Be kind to yourself."

But reading about people who go through SERIOUS stuff, it makes me wonder what the hell happened that I felt like I was hit by a truck and thrown into a bonfire and facing a firing squad.

Christ. I've always been so resilient and strong. Something about this triggered me in an extreme way.

My therapist had me take a quiz - I feel under "moderate trauma" - which I'm sure if I had taken it two months ago, it was a lot worse when I wasn't sleeping or eating and feeling ... pretty ... unhinged to say the least.

I need to ask her if she has any theories on this. It bugs me to feel so ... weak ... I guess ... Comparisons are the path to suffering but I feel like this wasn't "so bad". It was just a break up, right?

Fuck. Judging myself. Not a healthy pathway. I felt what I felt. I did what I did. I treated her as good as I could.

See ... no reason to read these things. Just sorting out thoughts and feelings. I am so much better and more even keeled these days.

I ... have ... accepted ... it's done. I really have ... I think lol.

I want to say "fuck her for treating me this way" and yeah ... fuck her for treating me this way. But also true: I forgive her and still care about her even though she did a really awful thing to both of us.

I keep repeating myself. But it gets easier each time to find peace in the situation.

I am getting stronger than I was. So she deserves thanks on many levels tbh. Even in the end, she did some lovely things for me - even though she did them in an awful way.

[sennqu]

i spent a little time reading thru the TLK sub and i was kinda sad how negative a lot of the people were about the movie. i can understand it because S1-5 were very good and netflix gave the show a movie instead of a full final season.. but idk. i thought the team did extremely well with what they had!! i went into the movie expecting the difference in pacing (multi-ep season vs. movie) which i think threw a lot of fans off but isn't really my problem. it could have been better (as many things can be) but i still enjoyed it a lot as a standalone.

a lot of the negativity was on aethelstan's portrayal.. of course, there's a little bit from the usual homophobic suspects, but from what i've seen it's also because he was a lot more ambitious and less prone to manipulations in the books (and in written history). less weighed down by gayngst.

but idk, i thought how the movie handled him was fine too! like, yeah, ingilmundr's plot against him and the whole falling in love with the man who will ultimately betray you storyline could have been better serviced with a slower burn... but idk. it still really worked for me. it was easy to get that they'd been entwined for a long period of time before the movie started. and i guess i'm just glad they attempted that storyline at all even with the time constraints? like, the movie really said england's first king HAD to be piously christian and gay and in love and self-hating because of it. and he was still going to win the battle that led to him becoming the first king of england. said battle also featured a 1v1 with his treasonous lover. their vision for him...

plus, his storyline is more of an indictment against his religion rather than his sexuality in contrast to what i've seen some saying imo. like, it was because he was such a pious christian that his sexuality became a source of shame rather than a non-entity. his problem wasn't that he was gay full-stop; it was that he was gay in a culture that didn't allow him to be. like, of course he'd fall deeply in love and become incredibly loyal to the man who he felt 1. understood him, and 2. loved him back. a once in a lifetime chance for someone like him. he was just gonna atone for this by creating a unified, christian england.

i get the criticisms that the gayngst was a disservice to how great and/or ruthless of a ruler/tactician/politician he apparently was in the books/recorded history. but, the man did kill his brother to become king and for all intents and purposes, he was also doing a great job doing his thing in the years between S5 and the movie. but also, selfishly, indulgently, it was a treat seeing a storyline like that play out in front of my eyes so the criticisms don't really matter all that much to my enjoyment and personal appraisal of the story in the end.

like... who would have thought that TLK would give us gay rep in the form of a "falling in love with the man who secretly plotted against you all along and then you will have to kill him for treason and on top of that, he wasn't truly in love with you after all. and also, you're the first king of england" storyline <3 beautiful. and again, we get to see the man being gay on-screen while also still fulfilling the role of the pious ruler who never married or begat children that history said he had been. a win-win to me personally.

[trenchcoatsbi]

ON A DIFFERENT NOTE I WAS JUST POKING AROUND AND SAW THAT MOD PHIL LISTENS TO BUG HUNTER? man us philza kins all share a musical braincell i guess because holy fuck i don’t think i’ve ever run into anyone else who listens to his stuff! i’m gonna have to politely ask you to hand over more recommendations for music because you’ve got TASTE. -🌾🪶

ARNJS i am staring at you soo hard I know like two other bug hunter fans and theyre fans because I commandeered the music bot and insisted on playing all of his songs during a music vc night... Anyway we are slaying so hard rn. us phils just have the best music taste 😎

OKAY anyway this took forever cause I tried to narrow down my list but ajfanfdk I listen to a lot of stuff. god there's so much music i enjoy that I could go on forever about random songs and stuff so uh yeah... I banished my bs to under a cut for the sake of not making a post that is annoying to scroll past. enjoy whatevr i did -za

Mickey Darling!! RAHGjsA a lot of his songs are like about breakups but they're all very upbeat and fun despite the lyrics. Honestly its so funny to me I literally found him because of a fanfic that used lyrics from say that you miss me (which like god yeah the author got me... it was extremely right for the character they used it for i know cause they're literally me). you were perfect & im so sorry is vry good and also I've had somewhere else stuck in my head since it came out...

Jukebox the Ghost. okay okay they just never miss! i adore like everything they've made but uhmmm I think the cheers album is my favorite still right now like dont get me wrong i love everything they've made but ajldnf how can I not like cheers. Brass Band and I Got A Girl are so good. I will say uh shout out to It's No Secret cause its inspired several pieces of self indulgent ship art I've made.

Streetlight Manifesto... The Hands that Thieve got me out of one of my weirdest music eras. I mean it's ska punk it's not too far from the uh protest songs I was listening too, but ska was more palatable than most of the shit that I was really into for a bit. Anyway listen to If Only For Memories too its good.

LyreLeTemps! god okay so i like electroswing a lot and ashutjak just fuck man Time Train is extremely mecore when it comes to a specific kin. A lot of the music i listen to gets shifted around depending to my shifts lol. Also listen to Nanana it's a close second for my favorite song by them other than Time Train

Groundbreaking, god i've listened to this guy for so long... I think all his music is great but the Anarchy I & II are my little guys I listen to them all the time still. They practically got me through quarantine... Uhm if I had to recommend a specific songs instead of just saying listen to the Anarchy Albums maybe VIP and Beautiful people. Those two were my favorites but jsut to get somthing from anarchy listed too uhm anarchy or media star

The Wrecks god another band I listened to a lot during quarantine... Fvck Somebody and Panic Vertigo are my #1s forever but I really like their new music too. Unrequited and Sonder came out at such a good time for me, unfortunately that means I have like four writings wips that have titles that are just the lyrics of those songs...

Air Traffic Controller is another band that made quarantine bearable for me god why have the last three just been quarantine time killers. Anyway I listen to Creature of the Night a lot because I love being thematic with my music when I pull all nighters. Uhhhh other than that Anybody got a light has quickly become one of my favorites from them too

Atarashii Gakko!! This is the only non english band I'm actively a fan of rn. My friends are like big into like Kpop and I'm more of a cpop or jpop guy but like even then I almost never find a band and get super invested. but raghg the choreography and vocals just everything really scratches my brain. I really like watching their dance practices idk its just so fascinating to me. uhm okay uh Fantastico and NAINAINAI yeah those i recommend them :]

AND because I cant help myself here's some things I wanted to talk about but uh 90% of it would just be me keyboard slamming cause I cannot articulate my enjoyment of them

Circa Waves: Your Ghost & Golden Days

Good Kid: Mimi's Delivery Service

Saint Motel: Sweet Talk & Slow Dance

Rare Americans: Walking N Talkin

Burn the Ballroom: Calm Down & Crazy

Bear Ghost: Haunt the Cartoon Heart & Sirens

Andie Schoen: the prophet (you love me) & loitering

The Happy Fits: In the Lobby & So Alright, Cool, Whatever

Hobo Johnson: Peach Scone & February 15th

[lamnwar]

CAN I REQUEST READER MAKING MIDORIMA, AKASHI AND MURASAKIBARA FLUSTERED? i just love the idea of it LMAO and ive also already read most Midorima works if not all, im starving for content on him 😭

Hiiiii yeah ofc I can do that 💕 and tbh I need Midorima content too so look at me being slightly self-indulgent here lmao

BLUSHING AND STUTTERING // KNB headcanons

Pairing: Midorima, Murasakibara, Akashi x gn! Reader

Context: hcs on what could make these characters flustered

Warnings: none, pure fluff hihi 🤭

MIDORIMA

Pheeeew lemme say that this boy has to be the easiest dude to fluster

It's a tsundere thing yk so it's easy

Like let's imagine you're walking with him in the city or something

And it gets a bit crowdy so naturally you grab his hand

When you look up at his face, my boy is beetroot red

"Is everything ok Shin-chan?"

It's a stupid question to ask because he is not ok lmao

It's a miracle he keeps walking actually, because you grabbing his hand had his brain short-circuited

What also makes him flustered is complimenting him

He is used to receiving praise for his intelligence and his basketball skills

But the moment you call him "beautiful"?

When you tell him he has pretty eyes?

That he is the hottest guy you know?

My boy is gone GONE

It's so cute tho, the moment you show him some love either physically or with words, he's incapable of functioning properly

MURASAKIBARA

See, I can't see what makes that guy flustered because he has to be paying attention in the first place

He's generally so not reactive (unless you're provoking him, but we leave that to Kiyoshi)

So it has to be something unexpected, that will get him to pay attention to you

I guess randomly kissing him would do it

Just a smooch when he's watching tv or something

He blushes so much, it's adorable

Or everytime you get into his face

Like you just get extremely close to his face, making direct eye contact

He's in denial everytime you make him flustered

Because obviously you tease him for getting all shy suddently

And he turns his eyes away, babbling about how it's not true

It makes you laugh and you'll kiss him again, just to see that giant boy turn into a mess because of you <3

AKASHI

How can you make a guy like that flustered?

No seriously, HOW

Because he's so good at keeping his composure

I don't think demonstration of affection or compliments would do that to him

I guess maybe outsmarting him?

If that's even possible lol

Let's imagine you're talking to him

And you casually spurt out something that he himself wouldn't think of

So he just stares at you like that one Pikachu meme

And you are absolutely clueless as what makes him like that

He's just wordless for a minute, which doesn't happen because he knows how to keep a conversation usually

And then he has the softest smile on his face

The fact that he can learn from you <3

That serves as a reminder that he's absolutely in love with his s/o

[qsphyxias]

hello there , could I pls request headcanons of tanjiro comforting his FTM s/o when he gets dysphoric ?? ( he hasn’t transitioned yet + he can’t wear a binder due to medical reasons )

somewhat self indulgent , apologies for that -

if you’re uncomfortable w/ this request feel free to deny it , I don’t mind and I 100% understand

thank you in advance !! have a wonderful day / noon / night 💞

request ; ^

synopsis ; tanjirou comforting his ftm dysphoric s/o hcs (chest dysphoria comfort)

warnings ; i only watched season 1 and Mugen train, i have yet to start the manga, male he/him reader, chest dysphoria, ftm reader pre-op, fluff, cuddles, sentiment, definitely not proofread, tanjirou being king of all boyfriends

note ; i am extremely sorry for being so late in answering this request but thank you sm for requesting, i love this rq so much, really, i really hope you're doing alright btw

words ; 0.7k +

⊱ ────── {⋅. 𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙 - 𝙗𝙚𝙙𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢 .⋅} ────── ⊰

◊ okay so, i had an idea—

◊ this might just be me but, you know how when you're not binding, you tend to hug stuff a lot? i don't speak for everyone so this is just for me personally but i was thinking,

◊ tanjirou is constantly, always carrying nezuko around with no trouble at all, even fighting demons whilst he carries another living person on his back ;

and so, i think that a way tanjirou could help you out with chest dysphoria is just, constantly carrying and hugging you tight — chest to chest.

◊ it's established that tanjirou is strong, thus, tanjirou doesn't mind carrying you anywhere that's safe for both of you. Well, doesn't mind is definitely an understatement ; i meant, he adores it. really, what reason would he have to not enjoy it? he's carrying his boyfriend close and snug to him nearly 24/7.

◊ he'd be holding you as he writes letters, as he goes on jogs, walks, runs, even as he eats — he also always makes sure to feed you as he eats too, even if you try to refuse, he'd be very firm about it ; nearly scolding? obviously, he doesn't want to intentionally make you uncomfortable, but i guess it's just his nature, having had a loving family that protected and worked hard to take care of each other.

◊ when it's around the daily mealtime, a question he will never ask you, is, "do you wanna eat?" instead it's always, "time to eat!"

◊ i headcanon that tanjirou would hold you almost like how a mom holds a baby, in a way. not a weird way, just a way.

◊ he'd hold you very tight, but not tight enough to constrict your breathing, just tight enough to make sure you feel safe and comfortable. with one hand on the back of your head, so your head is protected, and the other wrapped around your waist ; he believes he can do anything now, and with you by his side... ? by his front!

◊ he is very grateful to have you, to say the least.

◊ on your worst days, you can always count on him to just cuddle you and baby you all day, rubbing your face with his rough hands, playing with your hair, and kissing your eyelids every few seconds to make you forget all about the dysphoria.

◊ occasionally, as he holds you, he'd probably ask you a couple yes or no questions, and some questions like, "is it better?" just so he could keep track of how much better you're feeling and what more he can do for you.

maybe even some reassurances, in a tone that's not quite hushed but in a tone that's somehow so strong and dependable, yet so gentle and kind.

◊ "you're going to be okay. don't listen to the bad thoughts in your head, because you're my special, strong boy, and no matter what form you take, you will always be you. and i will always love that you ; you can count on it."

◊ "you" count ; 8 haha

◊ tanjirou loves you a lot, he makes sure to tell you that daily ; but him telling you that he loves you isn't just a small affectionate greeting or goodbye to him, he truly means it. he loves every bit of you, and though he can only somewhat understand your dysphoria ; he loves you and your body for what it is and what you, yourself, are. it's sounds cliché, but yeah, he loves you inside and out. and in the future, when you are finally able to be in the body you were meant to be in, he'll love that body too.

◊ and if you need him to tell you that 50 thousand times a day to be reassured, so be it ; he will tell you that 50 thousand times a day.

◊ tanjirou is a pretty passionate man, so he's also very passionate about supporting you and your identity, as well as just passionate about you in general.

◊ anyone who even decides to be rude or transphobic to you gets a trademark kamado headbutt and a scolding all the way home.

◊ it takes a lot of willpower for you to keep going even when it all seems a bit pointless or dysphoric ; and by definition, that makes you incredibly strong. at least that's how he sees it.

⊱───── ❝ 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴! ❞ ─────⊰

[syuga-s]

just another night

w.c 5.2k

pairing. Seungsik x gn!reader

genre. fluff, friends in love

a/n. lmao, I can't believe I'm here again after 5 MONTHS, and basically, I'm here again bc Seungsik has been living in my head like a cute lil parasite for weeks. i truly love this man and I just had to write something very self-indulgent,,, ALSO i know I'm very late for valentine's, tried to post this like 2 weeks ago but look where we are (and warnings?) mentions of alcohol, moderate consumption nothing extreme, also alcohol preparation? the word sex is there, food is mentioned too, nothing crazy i swear

You and Seungsik have been friends since high school. It’s been about 10 years since you’ve been in each other's life. You’re always texting each other, even if you don’t see often. He’s your best friend. You’ve fallen into a comfortable friendship when you see each other every other month. When you both feel it’s been too long, and you need to catch up with your lives. It wasn’t until two days after Valentine's Day that it occurred to you that you hadn’t asked him what he did on that day. Unfortunately, you had your own little love “trouble” that you forgot to ask him about his day. The reason is, that your ex hasn’t left you alone for months.

He’s been begging you nonstop to go out with him. Telling you he’s changed, that he wants to treat you better for once. You know they’re just easy words. But the part of you that feels great when you’re with him would like to believe everything he says.

“I want to take you out to dinner” “I intend to keep knowing you, please don’t shut me out” “We can go to the movies, for coffee, you name it” “Please let me see you again”

It’s so funny how you may have wanted this years ago. And now, when it’s actually happening, him telling you everything you wanted to hear. You ended up falling for it. Despite not wanting to be in a relationship with him anymore, you finally caved in to his pleads, and it’s like he shifts into someone else every time we get to this point.

This time his text said, “what are we supposed to do on a Thursday?” idk bro, everything? Anything? BE TOGETHER LIKE YOU WANTED? “I guess you could come watch anime? i mean if you want” By no means I’m saying it’s a bad idea but, why does it only have to come to that EVERY time?

Whatever you have with him is difficult. Your love life (or lack thereof) is beyond hard, for sure. Feelings are difficult. So, your head has been on that topic for a few days because he asked you out for the 14th, and you couldn’t even muster up the energy to answer him.

You just wanted to see your best friend.

When you texted Seungsik on Wednesday night, you finally asked him if he had an eventful Valentine's Day. And when his reply was, “i didn’t do much, had a lot of work”, you immediately knew he was upset.

Now you needed to call him. He picked up at the first ring. Before anything, you spoke, “what happened with Sol? tell me everything.” He groaned, apparently not wanting to discuss it, but he knew you knew something had happened, and he clearly had to let it out.

“They were avoiding me, they barely wanted to go out on dates, always busy with who knows what, so when I wanted to plan something for valentine’s they simply said no. Obviously, I got upset, we got into an argument, and you know how that ends.”

While you were listening to him, you suddenly came up with a plan.

“I’m sorry Seungsikie, I always knew they were too boring for you.” You said in a teasing tone and he laughed. “And look if they never wanted to go out with you that’s their fucking loss.” “Yeah, well, I guess I was hoping things would be different at some point.” It hurt your heart to hear him say that. He’s always been a romantic, but in all seriousness, he always gets the worst partners. “I know what won’t make you upset anymore, let’s go out this Friday, you can’t say no alright, plus I really really want to see you.” “I know, we haven’t gone out since your birthday, I’m missing you too”, then his tone got kinda doubtful, “what exactly are your plans nerd?” you were both THE nerds in high school, always the ones that handed the tests at the same time, always the two that got up and solved math problems for the whole class, you’ve always been a team. “What makes you think I’ll tell you, dork? Knowing that you’re gonna see me should be enough for you” Neither of you knows how the two have been smiling just by hearing each other’s voices. You always forget how much you miss seeing him every day. He never notices how fast time goes by because suddenly, it’s been months since he felt this relaxed. And it was just your voice that made him feel at home after the past few days when he felt like shit. “I still need to know where, so I know how to pick my outfit, dummy” This man dresses better than you, so it made you laugh how he’s always worried about those things. “So?” “Oh my god, just wear whatever you like, you’re gonna be the best dressed no matter what, plus I bet you have new clothes you’ve been dying to wear so…” This time you made him laugh louder at your annoyed tone and that made him go along with your secret plan. “Alright then, but are you gonna dress cute though?” “Don’t know, maybe, we’ll see on Friday, love you bye” “Good night nerd, love you too” You’ve been organizing things all Thursday to make tomorrow perfect. Usually, Seungsik was the one that planned things when you went out, he always took you to the best restaurants, the best bars, always making sure you had a good time. So, you wanted to take care of everything this time. He deserved it. When you felt confident with your plan, you let Seungsik know that same night that you wanted him ready at 6:00 pm tomorrow. You took the day off, so you could clean your house and prep things for the night. You decided to do Seungsik’s favorite things. The first stop was to go for coffee to this new shop one of your coworkers recommended you. Next stop, go to one of his fave Japanese restaurants. Then you wanted to invite him to your apartment, so you could show him off your new mixology skills. You’ve been teaching yourself to make cocktails lately. Always on your never-ending search for new hobbies. And you felt you were pretty good at it, so you were dying to make him some of his favorite drinks. And it felt right because if you ended up deciding to get drunk you were gonna avoid a lot of, let’s say, unpleasant steps.

Finally, you were getting ready, and you decided to go for an all-black outfit. Black turtleneck sweater, black leather skirt, and black stockings. Today was cold, so a sherpa black denim jacket and black platform boots were a must. You went for gold jewelry and your beloved pink wool scarf. As for your makeup, your routine had changed to simply concealer, blush, mascara, eyeliner, and whatever lipstick you were vibing lately. You quickly gave your dog some water, food, and a little pad in case he needed to do his little business. “I’ll come back later Maxy, be good.” Grabbed all your keys and made your way to the café. Seungsik was already there when you arrived. He was waiting for you outside. It made you so happy to see him. And it may sound cheesy, but when you saw his outfit, you couldn’t help but smile. He was wearing the pink satin jacket you bought him a few years ago. Black turtleneck sweater, black denim jeans, and black boots. One would have thought that you managed to dress the same on purpose. When you got closer, you both couldn’t help but laugh at how you both looked. You were the one who hugged him first. For some reason, he had thought it was a good idea to stand outside in the freezing cold waiting for you to come. So, when he felt your hug, he was so glad you were this warm. It was one of those hugs where he could feel all the warmth radiating from you. For you, it was different. For a moment everything felt so calm, so safe, like nothing could hurt you. He softly rubbed your back and finally talked. “Let’s go inside, my face is getting numb from the cold”. You laughed in his chest, and he took you in his arms and walked together to order something. The café had this Parisian feel to it. It was beautiful and Seungsik told you he loved it. That got you happy once again. He ordered an espresso and you had a latte. As soon as you tasted them, you both looked at the eyes of each other, without having to speak you know he meant he didn’t like it because you thought the same about your drink. “You want to taste mine?” You offered. He gave you his cup too, so you could try it, and both had the same eyes again. You had to laugh now because both drinks were really bad, and you weren’t used to that. He muttered, “well at least the place is nice, we could take some photos”. Later you met the owner, and you found out that it’s only been open for three days. So, you agreed to come back another day to give them another chance. Seungsik’s been insisting on taking photos of you here. He said you looked adorable in this place and that you actually needed to update your feed. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at that. He knew you weren’t fond of taking pics, but ultimately, you gave in to his request. And he wasn’t lying, you felt cute in the pictures he took, but that was enough effort for the day. You figured it was time to take him to eat, so you got into your car and headed to the restaurant. His favorite restaurant turned into your favorite too after a few years. Since it always reminded you of him. You’ve been here with your other friends, but it’s never the same without Seungsik. Being here, watching him in the subtle red glow of neon signs, you realize how cool he looks right now, particularly with his cherry-red hair, in your eyes he’s always been the best guy ever. He is unaware of your gaze, looking at the menu, deciding what to order. The scenario you had was begging to be captured, so you took your phone out and took a picture of your best friend. He noticed after you took it, and he just gave you a sweet smile. The servers already knew you two were regulars, so they always took special care of you. Tonight you went for some gyozas, ramen, and an order of sushi to share. A few beers and you were set. “I’ve been meaning to talk about your hair” he blurted out. You narrowed your eyes and gave him a playful smile but didn’t say anything, urging him to keep talking. “You dyed it, I- I mean” he started stuttering for some reason. it was just you, though? “I really like it, out of

all your looks I think this is my favorite” and now you blushed. “When did you change it? Last time I saw you, you still had your two-toned thing going on.” You tilted your head and rested your chin on your hand to think about it a bit. “Around mid-December, I think? It was before Christmas, for sure.” “Well, I like it” you smiled with his words and he smiled knowing that his words made you happy. Your food came, and the conversation moved on to some work stuff. How you both have been busier lately. Then you mentioned your parents and what you did over the holidays. How stressed you were at the end of the year because you took care of everything those days. He told you he’s been stressed for a while too because he moved to another apartment, finally on his own. You told him you had seen Diane and Ash last week for Ash’s birthday. That her boyfriend threw her a little surprise party and how you thought that those two are gonna end up married soon. He asked about Diane. She was the only one of your friends that he really liked for some reason. “She actually moved back into my building! Her clothing line has been doing really well, that’s why she came back.” “And what about you?” He fixed his gaze on you. “What do you mean? I’ve been talking about me all this time” His question threw you off, along with his expression. Suddenly, an air of seriousness. Seungsik repeated, “About you, tell me what you’ve been up to? Who are you going out with? i don’t know something like that.” The first thing you could do was shrug. “I mean I’m good? everything’s calm for once, but — you remember Louis, right?” Seungsik couldn’t hide his disgust. He hated Louis. His face turned into a frown, and he crossed his arms. Instinctively rejecting the thought of that person. You continued telling him. “Well, it’s not actually something, but he’s still there, you know? he begs me constantly to go out with him, i haven’t seen him in about 8 months or so? Apparently, he’s dying to be with me again, but you know him.” “Yeah, good, don’t go out with him.” It wasn’t funny, but you chuckled at that. “Yeah, don’t worry, I’m not planning on it.” Seungsik hated Louis since the moment you met him. He knew he wasn’t serious about anything. And with time, he knew how unaware Louis was about all he had when you were in a relationship. He didn’t understand what you loved about him, despite all the times he heard you say it. In his eyes, you were far too much for that good-for-nothing dumbass. He figured he always thought that way because you’re his best friend. He loved you too much to see you with someone like that. But maybe somewhere along the way, he got confused about that love. Or possibly, involuntarily, he maintained that love as platonic. You raised your brow at him, watching how his mind went somewhere else, “what’s on your mind? tell me". He hadn’t even noticed he was clenching his teeth. “just thinking about how unlucky we are in love” lie. But that made you laugh. “Seungsik, you’re saying that as if it was new information”, “we’re dumb that’s all.” You took a few more beers, and he asked you if you wanted to share one of the desserts you loved in here. And you obviously said yes. He told you that he had talked to his mom earlier. “Mom says she misses you, she asked me how you’ve been doing, but I didn’t know what to tell her, so you need to visit her soon.” Moments like this, when he says those kinds of things, make you think how lucky you are to have him in your life. It’s not common to be this meshed in someone’s life. All you could do was smile and nod at him. The silence between you was starting to burn. Onset to illuminate something else. You explained to Seungsik that your next and last stop was your house, so you paid the bill and made your way out of the restaurant. The entire staff seeing you off loudly, “mata okoshi kudasaimase!”. It was getting even colder outside, making your nose turn red instantly. You had left your car a little far from the restaurant, so you clung to Seungsik’s torso. And as if

it were the most mundane act, he placed his arm around you. Enjoying the source of a bit of warmth once again. Walking along the street in each other’s embrace. Relishing in the other’s perfumes. Content. Just when you thought you were walking alone, a guy in the street approached you and offered to sell you flowers. As you were mistaken for a couple by him. Both laughed it off because that was a regular occurrence whenever you went out, but it always caught you off guard, like now. You never explained to others that you’re not together because you know the exact words that’ll come out of their mouths. “But you look so good together!” Yes, we know.“Are you sure you’re not a couple?” As far as we know, we’re just friends. It’s simply bothersome to discuss the nature of your relationship with strangers. But at the same time, one would think you were staying away from that conversation yourselves. Ultimately, Seungsik bought you a couple of flowers from the guy, thanking him for the small bouquet as you walked away. Still headed to your car, you kept laughing about what just happened. “So that was new”, you giggled as you searched for your car keys. He smirked while you unlocked your car doors, once you were both inside he joked and said, “next time pay for your own flowers won’t you?” When you entered your house, your dog Max didn’t waste time jumping at Seungsik’s feet. His little tail wagging incessantly, giving him the most enthusiastic welcome, which made you jealous. Your tiny baby quickly forgot about you as soon as he saw your best friend, which hasn’t been at your place in about forever. “Hello Maxy, you’ve gotten so big!!!” His voice getting into a high pitch as if he were talking to a baby. Which he was. He held up your dog, again, like a baby. Soon you cleaned up his mess, thankfully it wasn’t much so you got done with it in 5 minutes. You stood next to him while he kept baby talking to your fur baby. Top 10 most heartwarming scenes in your life. Finally, your dog remembered you existed and started slipping away from Seungsik’s hold. When you took him, you mumbled in your baby voice too, “oh so you like Seungsikie more than me now, huh? can’t blame you, Maxy.” Seungsik wasn’t sure if he was meant to hear that, or if he just has excellent hearing. However, he got this fuzzy feeling even though your place was freezing. His eyes followed you as you set your dog in his tiny bed with a little bone to chew at. He noticed how you were rushing to do things just so you could give him all your attention again. A sensation burning brighter. You finally came back to him and pushed him into your kitchen, which made him laugh at your action. You brought Seungsik to your little island and made him sit on a stool. When he saw everything you had left on the counter, he asked, “what’s all this?” “Behold!” gesturing him all your things neatly put in a stand which included a shaker, jiggers, various strainers, and a mixing glass. Along with bottles with different liquors and some new glasses you had bought for tonight’s drinks. A few herbs, leaves, and orange slices weren’t missing either. You were so proud of your setup that it had your hands on your hips with a proud look on your face. Then you clapped your hands together, making Seungsik jump at the sudden sound. “SO, I have everything for your faves, get ready to have me as your favorite bartender from now on.” A smug expression now on your face. First, you got some coffee out to start making a cup of espresso. While you allowed the coffee to steep, Seungsik was wrapped in the smell of the coffee grounds, already knowing which drink was coming his way. His view was a bit limited from where he was sitting, all he could see was how focused you were on doing this and that in the counter. You actually know what you’re doing with alcoholic drinks, so you can say they’re pretty easy to make. But the chances of messing them up are really high too. Mixology really is an art. You prepped the glasses with ice cubes and poured the Liquor 43 in each

of them, all that was left was the espresso, and they were done. You and Seungsik have had them with a lit-up cinnamon stick on top, which is an excellent plus, but maybe it’d be too much now when it’s just the two of you. Handing him the glass seemed like an accomplishment. You’ve been thinking about this moment for days. You wanted to clink glasses, and he got up from the stool. Suddenly, you felt how tall he was as he was facing you. His eyes crinkled when he said, “cheers!” You knew the drink was good, you MADE IT. But now you needed to know if it had lived up to Seungsik’s expectations. You were holding on to your glass for dear life, just waiting for a sign, an expression, anything. He wanted to toy with you. He saw the anticipation in your eyes. And in your whole body, actually. You seemed like a puppy waiting to be picked up. Trying his best not to demonstrate any emotion, he placed the glass on the counter and spent a few minutes squinting his eyes, pursing his lips, as if he was some connoisseur all of a sudden. Catching up on his game, you rolled your eyes and lightly hit him in the arm. Now he threw his head back in amusement, touching the spot where your hand had touched his arm. Still laughing, he finally assured you that he loved it. “it’s so good i can’t believe you” — “never thought you’d make drinks this GOOD.” “and if you keep that game going on that’s the last one you’ll get” you retorted. But soon your exasperation turned into a beaming smile followed by a giggle. Even prouder than before. “you’re so annoying, i swear.” As you slowly emptied your glasses, you started telling him about your journey in making cocktails. How you just decided one day that you wanted to learn how to make good drinks and spent several weeks attempting to master some recipes. You told him it’s not really hard because it’s not like you’re set on becoming a pro, but that you still needed a lot of practice and patience. “i can teach you later if you want.” After those words, he felt motivated to finish his drink and return to the kitchen with you. It was amusing seeing him like this. He looked awkward at your kitchen, not knowing whether you were gonna let him do something or just explain the steps to making a drink. The next drink you had thought of was even simpler. A gin and tonic with frozen berries and mint leaves. You urged Seungsik to get closer so he could see everything going on. When you reached for the alcohol and tonic water, you asked him to fill other glasses with berries and a bit of ice. When he brought them back, he stood beside you, watching how you filled them with the new mix. Shortly, you grabbed the mint leaves you had in front of you and handed some to him. “go crazy.” You were about to taste it when he stopped you because he wanted to clink glasses again. Or so you thought. Because in fact, he cheered softly, “to another 10 years”, which made you lock eyes with him. You could only muster up to raise the glass. You moved to your sofa and started talking about your friendship. Which was brought up from his most recent words. “can’t believe it’s been about 10 years and we’re still here”, “not many people get to that.” He said while facing you. It made you think. Well, certainly not. We go through so much in our lives, we grow constantly. And that means that we outgrow feelings, even whole parts of ourselves. Our lives change, and that means people leave. Friends leave. In some cases, we are the ones who end up leaving. And that never stops. So, when you acknowledge there’s someone in your life where you only feel a quiet calmness when they’re around, you have to make sure they stay a part of your life. With Seungsik, even a text or a phone call at the end of the day would always bring a smile to your face. You’ve been through enough in the past years to know that neither of you will leave the other. As time goes by, you’ve made sure to keep safe in your heart all the memories you’ve made together. From the countless nights where you went out to get intoxicated; where

you would run to him and cry your eyes out because someone had hurt you; to the days you would drag him to concerts where he didn’t know who the artist was. And the most insignificant things (to most people) as well. Like the times he would send you a song just because it made him think of you; the notes he would give you when you were in school; to even the short walks to anywhere because for a few minutes you were hugging all his warmth. You finally spoke, ”i’m really glad you haven’t left my life, i mean it” and leaned your head on his shoulder. Over the years, you had found you’re quite content in just having him nearby. Sure, you’ve been in romantic relationships before, you’ve been in love. But the love you and Seungsik have for each other is different. Even if you haven’t acknowledged it yet. The intimacy between you is what everyone would dream of having in their lives. The talking with your eyes. The way, you can’t go 2 seconds without some sort of physical touch. The back rubs when you hug. The late-night talks in your cars. And days like today especially. He had leaned his head against yours earlier. But both ended up spending minutes wrapped in your own thoughts instead of doing or saying something else. Strangely so, you’ve never had felt the rush to act on your feelings. And tonight wasn’t any different, both just enjoying how close you were at the moment. The night felt endless, you kept making drinks, but in the end, you both got drunk enough to go back to basics. Meaning beers. The heartfelt comments from earlier turned into jokes. Jokes turned into half-drunk singing to some random list of greatest hits on youtube for hours. He could hear you sing the same song on replay for days. He has always loved your voice, and tonight, he sat on your sofa to watch you sing one of your favorite songs. He could see the passion you felt, and his eyes couldn’t hide how he felt about you. For the first time in years, he wanted to kiss you. When the song ended, you turned to your left to face him. Not being sure if you or him were already very drunk, but there was something about the way he was staring at you that you felt like you were meant to fall for him all along. Both brushed off those thoughts once again when you asked him if he was already drunk. “i got sleepy all of a sudden” his code for yes. He sank into your couch and whined, “i should go before it gets too late.” You ended up cuddling next to him, drunk enough to feel your eyes closing on their own. Seungsik soon lovingly running his fingers through your hair. Relishing on how relaxed he was making you feel. You mumbled he should stay. “it’s not like you have work tomorrow.” His eyes were closed, too, and he wasn’t expecting those words at all. If he wasn’t this tired or drunk, he wouldn’t have been able to keep his composure in front of you. He even stopped the movements of his hand and stilled it at your shoulder. You gently moved your hand, so it could rest on top of his. It was just a touch. Innocent like friends. But it’s like time stopped for him. He now knew how he’s been lying to himself all along. You were touching his hand so casually, but it was driving him wild. It’s like you had electric charges in your fingertips. And he couldn’t deny he loved you more than a friend. Not a word was said for the rest of the night. You both fell asleep like that. Both wanting to stay right there a little longer. And that’s how you slept together for the first time. No kisses, no sex, just sleeping. Seungsik woke up first and saw you still asleep. Both still in the same position. He smiled when he saw you deep in slumber. He attempted to hold you closer to him without waking you up. Falling in love. Last night, he heard those words in his head. He realized he would’ve rather spent valentine’s with you. In fact, he actually never wants to have another date if it’s not with you. Currently, he hears his heart saying, you’re all i want. At long last, he decided to wake you up. He moved your shoulder, tickled your ear, and moved

his fingers through your hair again. You finally yawned, meaning you had woken up. You felt it was a miracle how you weren't feeling hungover but actually starving. With one eye open and the other closed, you turned your face upwards to get a look at Seungsik. He smiled at your face and whispered, “i’m hungry let's get some food come on” and with that, he kissed your cheek. Once you were awake enough to realize what he did, you stared at his eyes while he did the same. You don’t know if you imagined the small lingering moment, the way you’d both held your breaths as if time stopped. Both thinking that you should wait, that you shouldn’t be this close for the sake of your friendship. While the other part of you didn’t want to wait any longer and was screaming for you to finally take that step. Both knew that you loved each other without needing to say it. He ran his fingers through your hair for the second time today. You were about to kiss when your phone started to ring. The two of you were brought down back to earth against your will. You didn’t care about the call. Not planning to answer this early while you were with him, but it felt like the universe wasn’t agreeing on you two yet. Eventually, you got up from the sofa to stretch your legs and took the chance to go see who had called you. And you audibly groaned at the name that appeared on your screen. Seungsik hesitated to ask, but he did it anyway. “who was it?” Although, based on your reaction, he already had someone in mind.

"You don’t want to know,” you told him while you let out a dry laugh. Not even wanting to think about him yourself. When he asked if it was Louis and you nodded at him, he felt upset. That’s when he comprehended that he didn’t want to play games anymore. He just wanted to be with you. And by the look in your eyes, it was not just him who thought that. Finally, you were undeniably in sync with one another.

[leviskitten]

hello, could you make a jotaro alphabet nsfw hc, please?

𝑵𝑺𝑭𝑾 𝒂𝒍𝒑𝒉𝒂𝒃𝒆𝒕 ♡

Jotaro Kujo x reader(gn!)

Warnings: general NSFW themes,

A/n: hiya! Of course I can, hope you enjoy!

♡彡 A = Aftercare : What are they like after sex?

• Naturally, he’s gonna soften down after y’all finish. He’s aware of his size *ahem* and that he can be a little too harsh sometimes without realizing, so he’s gonna be making sure you’re alright and stuff, running you a warm bath and making you drink water cuz yknow, you gotta stay hydrated. (He might even carry you bridal style to the bathtub and wash your hair, but you didn’t hear that from me oop)

♡彡 B = Body : What’s their favorite body part of theirs? And yours?

• He probably doesn’t even have a favorite body part of neither his or your body, because he really couldn’t care less about that (he’s def a personality>looks kinda guy and you cannot tell me otherwise). However he secretly enjoys when you hold onto his arm, whether it is when you’re outside walking or when you need the ~support~ because he’s just pounding into you that hard. So I guess we’re gonna go with his arms for this one.

♡彡 C = Cum : Anything to do with cum basically.

• Homeboy has some thick white cum, I just know it. Another massive load fella, however he can (or prefers rather) only cum once.

Don’t get me wrong, he will make you cum multiple times if you want, but he’s fine with one thanks. Also, he probably isn’t that much into messy sloppy sex, so he cums either inside you or in your mouth, nowhere else (there are some exceptions to this but they’re oddly specific and rare so).

♡彡 D = Dirty Secret : Share a dirty secret of theirs.

• If he knows he’s gonna go on a long trip because of his job, he’s going to ~borrow some of your panties to masturbate with.

He usually borrows two, one that has your scent all over it, and another one to wrap around his cock as he jerks off. Sometimes (if you guys happen to be on a call), he might forget to pull it away before he cums, which ends up putting him in a bad mood because now he has to wash it and it won’t smell like you anymore :(

♡彡 E = Experience : How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?

• He’s not very experienced to be honest, I feel like he may had had some hookups here and there but they were probably kinda shitty and awkward. So you’re going to have to guide him a little bit the first couple of times, good thing he’s a quick learner lol.

♡彡 F = Favorite Position : Self explanatory

• Boring man probably doesn’t have one istg 🙄🙄

Jk he isn’t boring, but yeah he probably doesn’t have one, as long as he can get a good look of your face while you’re at it it’s fine with him.

♡彡 G = Goofy : How serious are they during the moment? Do they like to joke around?

• He literally looks like this 😐🧍like 98% of the time, do you really think he’s gonna start acting up now?????

If you laugh at something doing the deed with him he’s gonna look at you dead in the eyes until you stop laughing so he can continue, and it’s kinda scary ngl (or even more funny depending on the situation).

♡彡 H = Hair : How well groomed are they? Does the carpet matches the drapes?

• I kinda headcannon that he’s more on the thick hairy side, however he always trims himself down there, he doesn’t like to look unkept in some way (or at least that’s what he thinks idk). And yeah of course it matches, actually I feel like it’ll be curlier than his actual hair (but you’ll probably never get to see that lol).

♡彡 I = Intimacy : How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect.

• His love language is acts of service, that’s literally canon. So he probably won’t be too romantic or intimate per se, but he will definitely make sure you’re having the time of you life when you’re with him. He might even care more about getting you off rather than himself.

♡彡 J = Jack off : Masturbation headcannon.

• I feel like he probably didn’t really masturbate that often until you guys got together. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that he doesn’t enjoy the sex, he does, a lot. Actually, I feel like his sex drive might have increased after the first couple of rounds of actually enjoyable sex with you. However, he probably has to go on trips a lot because of his job, and that’s where he finds himself missing you in many ways, including in bed.

♡彡 K = Kink : One or more of their kink.

• Surprisingly enough, he isn’t that kinky, but there are a couple of things that he does enjoy, like:

— praise (both ways), scratching and biting (receiving), edging (both ways), and he probably has a mild size and breeding kink. Oh, and he also kinda likes when you suck on his fingers.

♡彡 L = Location : Favorite place to do it.

• The bedroom. Easy, comfortable and private, pretty much perfect in his opinion.

♡彡 M = Motivation : What turns them on/keep them going?

• Your praise, and when he can tell that you’re enjoying yourself.

He has sub tendencies (*ahem* might actually sub if asked nicely) so tell him that he’s doing so well or that he’s making you feel so good and he might cum right there and then.

♡彡 N = No : Something that they wouldn’t do/turn off’s

• Anything public, extreme degradation and extreme impact play or something like that.

I don’t think I really have to go in depth as in to why not, but let’s just say that he’s a reserved guy who’s very aware of his size and strength and how mean he can get if he wants to.

♡彡 O = Oral : Preference on giving/receiving, skill, etc.

• Being completely honest, he might prefer receiving a little more, but he also loves getting you off multiple times only with his mouth so...

He wasn’t very skilled tbh (he was pretty bad actually let’s be real here), but with some practice and your guidance he got pretty damn good ngl. You trained him well >:)

♡彡 P = Pace : Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc

• Fast and rough by nature baby.

However he will slow down if asked, and during the first few times.

♡彡 Q = Quickie : Their opinion on quickies, how often, etc.

• Not the biggest fan really, but still enjoys a casual quick blowjob/handjob every once in a while.

♡彡 R = Risk : Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? Etc.

• If you happen to have a kink that he either never heard about before, or didn’t really pay attention to, than he might be more open to experiment it with you and indulge you in it. However if they’re way too extreme he might hesitate and hold back a bit. He enjoys a couple of risks, as long as it’s between his and your boundaries.

♡彡 S = Stamina : How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?

• Are you kidding he can almost literally go on forever if you wanted to. He lasts pretty long actually, he has good self control after all ;)

♡彡 T = Toys : Do they own toys? Do they use them? On themselves or his partner?

• Probably wouldn’t really think about buying some unless you bring it up. You guys probably own a couple of basics (bullet vibrators and maybe a dildo), so he can use them on you. Wouldn’t mind if you use them on him when he subs tho.

♡彡 U = Unfair : How much do they like to tease?

• He doesn’t tease often because it’s not really his thing, HOWEVER, when he does tease... let’s just say that you’re in for a ride.

His way of teasing it’s almost torture tbh, and it’s mainly touches, or some warning of what he’ll do to you if you’re the one teasing too much. He mainly does it to stop you from teasing him, but this doesn’t mean that you won’t feel a hand going up your thighs randomly every once in a while.

♡彡 V = Volume : How loud are they? What sounds do they make? Etc.

• He isn’t really that loud, and he doesn’t make much sound sadly. It’s mainly deep grunts and gasps, might moan when he cums after a while.

♡彡 W = Wild card : A random headcannon for the character.

• He only subs when he’s feeling particularly vulnerable, and subconsciously needs for someone to take care of him. Or if he knows that that’s what you like and he wants to make you happy lol.

♡彡 X = X-Ray : Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes

• He’s a proud member of the thicc cock gang and you cannot tell me otherwise.

No but fr, he’s t h i c k, barely above average length, but thick. I feel like it might be a little darker than the rest of his skin, and the tip gets pretty red easily. Pretty veiny too, and he’s uncut.

♡彡 Y = Yearning : How high it their sex drive?

• It wasn’t too high before, but it kinda is now. He kinda became addicted to how you feel around him ngl, and also he likes how it helps him relax~

♡彡 Z = Zzz : How quickly do they fall asleep afterwards.

• He gets less tense after it for sure, but he doesn’t really get sleepy. He can do it and than carry on with his day (after making sure you’re alright of course) if needed, or he can also let you cuddle against him and get some rest if he wanted to.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Laito Dark [Prologue]

ー The scene starts in the forest

Yui: ( ...I made it to the Demon World, but what should I do now...? )

( They always escorted me to their castle in the past, so I don’t know the way either... )

( Running away was the only thing on my mind, so I came here without giving it a second thought, but perhaps I made the wrong choice after all... )

ーー Guess I have no other choice but to proceed for now.

*Rustle*

Yui: !?

( Don’t tell me Wolves have made it this far...!? )

ー She starts running

Yui: Haah, haah...

( ...Seems like they’re not coming after me...Thank god... )

Haah...I’m kind of tired...

( Perhaps I should find shelter somewhere and wait for the sun to rise...Then I’ll continue my search for the castle once it’s light ouーー )

( Ah, but...But if I recall correctly, the nights here last much longer than those in the human world... )

What now...?

( For now, I’ll find a safe space to rest. There’s no point in aimlessly running around... )

ー The scene shifts to a cave

Yui: Haah...What should I do next?

( I wonder if I should just head back? Even if I continue to wander around here... )

( However, that’s where those Wolves are... )

Uu...

( It’s no use. I can’t come up with any good ideas while mentally exhausted... )

( ...I’ll rest up a little. )

Haah...I wonder what Laito-kun’s doing right now...?

ー Yui closes her eyes

*TIMESKIP*

???: Kukukuku...How lovely...Honestly...Why is a girl’s lonely expression just soーー

ーー irresistibly sexy, I wonder? I can’t get enough of it.

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: Nn...

*Rustle*

Yui: Nn...Stop...

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: It tickles...

( ーー Wait...!? )

( Something is...feeling me up...!? )

ー She opens her eyes

Yui: Kyaaaaah....!!!

???: Uwah...!?

*Thud*

Yui: ...!! Eh...!?

Laito: Owowow...How could you suddenly jump up like that, Bitch-chan...? You meanie...

Yui: L-Laito-kun...!?

Laito: I took a heavy blow right to the face as a result...

Yui: I...I’m sorry. Are you alright?

Laito: Uuu...I’m fine...

Yui: Haah, thank god...

Laito: I know I’ve only got myself to blame for trying to assault you in your sleep but...

Even so, your headbutt was nothing to scoff at.

Yui: ...Sorry. I was surprised when I felt something touch my body...

More importantly, when did you get here?

Laito: Eh? Quite some time ago?

Yui: Eh!? No way...You should have woken me up then.

Laito: I mean, that would have been a missed opportunity, no~?

Yui: A missed opportunity? Wait, how so?

Laito: This situation, obviously! Nfu~

Yui: ...!?

Laito: My cute Bitch-chan finds herself in unknown territory...

With nobody to come to her rescue, she has to spend a night full of insecurities all by herself.

Just the thought of that gives me the shivers! Don’t you feel the same?

Yui: I-I don’t...! I was really scared, you know...!?

Laito: Oh dear~? Are you mad at me?

Yui: W...Well...

( For as lonely as I felt by myself, seeing Laito-kun still be his usual self makes me feel extremely relieved. )

( I could never get upset at him... )

I’m not angry.

Laito: Fufu...Of course you aren’t~ You just love me after all.

Yui: ...How about you?

Laito: What about me?

Yui: ...Do you also...?

Laito: What’s this? You want to confirm it? I’ve said it plenty of times before, haven’t I?

Yui: Butーー

Laito: Nfu...You’re uncertain, aren’t you? ...I can tell...Nn.

*Smooch*

Yui: ( Laito-kun... )

Laito: Of course ーー I love you. (1) A lot, okay?

Feeling reassured now? Nfu~

Yui: Yeah...Thank you.

Laito: Haah, I thought we were going to be apart for a while but...Our reunion came quicker than I expected...

Yui: I’m sorry for coming here on a whim. The Wolves made it to the manor...

Laito: Oh no, Bitch-chan. This is what you should say instead.

‘I missed you so much, I couldn’t stand being apart...So while I was thinking of you...

I subconsciously found myself opening the gate to the Demon World.’ ...Something like that?

ーー Say, tell me. I know we weren’t apart for long, but while you were by yourself...You thought of me, didn’t you?

Yui: Well, of course...

Laito: Did you let your imagination run wild during those times?

Yui: Well...

Laito: You didn’t?

Yui: ...I-I didn’t have the time to...

Laito: Really?

Yui: I don’t lie...

Laito: Fufu...Bitch-chan, no point in hiding it~

I can tell. The fact that your face is flushed as red as a strawberry right now proves my point.

You see...While feeling sad from noticing how my scent slowly faded from your own body.

Your feelings for me should have only grown stronger...

...Just like mine did...Haah...

ー He takes in her scent

Yui: Laito-kun, that tickles...

Laito: You don’t like it?

Yui: Uu...

Laito: Say, Bitch-chan? Should I not put myself at ease by taking in your scent like this?

Yui: ( He really sees right through me... )

Laito: Kukuku....A prisoner of love, you’re completely in my grasp, aren’t you?

ーー I don’t think I have to say this...But you have me in your grasp as well.

The truth is, I was worried you might just follow me here, so I’ve been keeping an eye on you.

Yui: Eh...!? T-Then...You’ve been watching me ever since I set foot inside this world...?

Laito: Exactly. I was watching over you.

I figured you’d come. You can no longer bear being away from me after all.

Yui: ...

Laito: Having trouble proving me wrong because I hit the nail on the head?

Yui: Yup.

Laito: ...Why the haphazard response?

I bet you want to try and defend your case, but you find it too much trouble, don’t you?

Yui: Uu...I-I mean, no matter what kind of response I give, I can’t talk my way out... (2)

Laito: Nfufu~ You seem to know me very well, Bitch-chan.

As to be expected of my Yui-chan~!

Yui: ( ...He seems very happy... )

( I guess I can take this as him genuinely accepting my feelings? )

( In that case, I’m happy too... )

Laito: Bitch-chan, are you listening?

Yui: Ah, yeah. I am.

Laito: Really? I hope soーー

*HOOOOWL*

Laito: Whoops...It’d be troublesome if those Wolves were to show up...

Come on. Let’s go.

Yui: Yeah!

( I really am glad Laito-kun came for me. Now I can rest assured, right? )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the living room of the Sakamaki manor

Yui: ーー Wait...W-Why? We came back.

Laito: Nfu~ Exactly. That was my plan all along after all.

Yui: Is this...okay?

Laito: Hmー Let me think.

What if you’re attacked by those Wolves like Ayato-kun was...?

Laito: Well, I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it...?

Yui: Laito-kun!

Laito: Just kidding~ It was a joke.

But you know, I might just prefer being roughened up by those Wolves over having to stay at that castle.

ーー I’d rather not have to stay there for an extended period of time.

Yui: ...

Laito: Say, you feel the same way, don’t you? Rather than being stuck at that castle crawling with Vampires...

...you’d much rather indulge in some sweet private time with me here, don’t you?

ー He steps closer

Yui: ( He’s trying to beg the question. )

( I guess he really must not want to stay at that castle... )

Right. Let’s do that then?

Laito: Nfu~ You’re good at matching someone’s vibe, aren’t you? I don’t hate that, you know?

*Rustle*

Yui: Laito-kun...

Laito: Yes?

Yui: I like you.

Laito: Fufu... ーー So do I...Nn.

*Smooch*

Yui: ...

Laito: Yui-chan...

*Rustle*

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to Yui’s room

Laito: ーー That being said, this place sure has known better times...The whole manor has been turned upside down...

I think Reiji would have a mental breakdown if he saw this. Nfu~

Yui: We have to try and tidy things up step by step, otherwise we won’t be able to properly live here.

Laito: Good point. However, I don’t dislike the thought of living in this mess of a manor.

Yui: Eeh!? W-What makes you say that!?

Laito: Just try imagining it! What it would feel like to ‘have some fun’ (3) in a room which has been turned upside down~ 

As you find yourself amidst not-so-ideal circumstances, you suddenly experience a strong desire for carnal pleasure and you eagerlyーー

Yui: S-Stop right there! I’ve heard enough!

Laito: Eeh? I was just about to get to the juicy part though?

Yui: M-More importantly, I wonder if those Wolves won’t come here anymore?

Laito: I’m sure we’ll be fine for a while. However, if we stay here too long, they might find us eventually.

Yui: Right...

Laito: So, I had a great idea.

All of the Vampires who live around this area have retreated back to the Demon World.

In other words, their manor is currently uninhabited, right? So why don’t we go live there?

Yui: You mean we could go to the manor of the Mukami’s, for example?

Laito: Nfu~ Exactly!

We stay here for a bit first, then go to the Mukami’s place after. Honestly, I wouldn’t even mind returning to your childhood home for a bit.

Yui: I see...If we go from one place to another, it’d be more difficult for them to track us down.

Laito: I think it’s an almost disgustingly good idea, if I may say so myself.

Yui: However, are we sure we can just invite ourselves in...?

Laito: It kind of gets me all excited! It’s like we’re eloping together. Nfufu~ 

Yui: ( He’s not listening at all. )

( We don’t know when the Wolves will make their move, so we have to stay on guard as long as we don’t know what exactly they’re after. )

( I can only pray life will be back to normal soon... )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) This might just be a stylistic choice, but when Laito says 愛してる or ‘aishiteru’, it isn’t written in kanji as it is in all other routes, but in Katakana. This is quite odd/uncommon because usually Katakana is used for foreign words or words borrowed from another language.

I’m sure there are other people who could do a better analysis of this, but I do think it’s written like this because Laito saying those words is also somewhat surreal in itself? So by writing the word in Katakana, it reflects that sense of ‘strangeness’. 

(2) Literally she says that she can’t escape his ‘pace’. 

(3) もつれ合う or ‘motsue-au’ literally means ‘to get entangled’. I mostly found it in context of tangled vines, etc. but I think we all know what Laito implies here. :p

<- [ Prologue ] [ Dark 01 ] ->

[canonicallyanxious]

Omg excitring times. David/Matteo and Kieu My/Fatou obvs!!

i reblogged this ask meme as a poorly veiled excuse to write essays about fictional relationships so thank u for indulging me <333

[i am so irritating so i'm adding in a cut sorry in advance for how word vomity i get over characters who aren't real ksdjfnsdkfnsd]

For context: send me a ship and I will say if I ship it or don't ship it and answer some questions about it etc. etc.

David/Matteo - ship it

[do I ship davenzi or did following this story irreversibly change the course of my life? who can say]

1. What made you ship it?

This is kind of an interesting question because I feel like due to the fact that I was extremely attached to evak and og skam s3 back in the early times of the skamverse heyday I was kind of unfairly predisposed to enjoy most evak variations (i mean i did watch skamfr s3 and enjoyed most of it up until the last few episodes if that says anything about that lol), that said davenzi feel distinctly different to me from evak, for many reasons despite sharing similar story beats. like Matteo was... idk such a lonely version of Isak?? So much more detached from his surroundings and sort of just floating through life (how he basically stumbled into the relationship with Sara is an example that comes to mind), so much more obviously yearning not to be.

and i think a big part of what drew me to these two at the beginning is i think they did such a good job of setting a different tone in a way that fits these characters and their story so well. i feel like david had a similar sort of loneliness to Matteo, in a very guarded sort of way, and i think that's part of what drew them to each other - when they meet eyes in the absolutely iconic heaven by blaze scene (will never fucking forget when that clip dropped btw. it was like 4 or 5 in the morning or whatever my time and the confirmation that beanie boy was ger!Even was fucking euphoric and we didn't even know beanie boy's NAME and i've never experienced a rush like watching that shit drop in real time i swear) i feel like there's this sense of recognition, almost like kindred spirits or something?? like here is a person who might intrinsically understand who i am and what i'm going through and i don't even have to say a thing (like Matteo's line in ep 7 to Sara, i think deep down this is the heart of what he's been wanting this whole time)

i loved also that because matteo was a lot more detached in some ways his story was more about him reclaiming agency in his own life and actually reaching for the things he wanted, and in that sense David challenged and pushed him in the way he needed (and vice versa for David in terms of letting himself actually be vulnerable around someone). That first conversation, the very guarded push and pull, david's challenge to matteo's "i thought you could make a wish" with "it's just an eyelash" and then crucially asking him what he would wish for anyway, and then finally at the end when matteo pulls a smile out of him and it's so amazing partly because it feels so earned - yeah i was gone from the start sdkjfsdnkfjsdf

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

WOW WHERE TO EVEN BEGIN. like legitimately this is so hard to answer ksdjfnksdjfnds but i guess one thing that comes to mind is how well-balanced they are in terms of their personal character arcs and how they help each other grow, like i said i think that manifests in David pushing Matteo to actively fight for what he wants and Matteo helping David to be vulnerable by being so open and trusting himself and i just think that's good writing yo! i love also that they're both such fucking gremlins but in such different ways, we love couples that love to have fun with (and at lol) each other! also not to be that bitch but i love that it's a love story centering a trans character and we got to see that character experience love and joy and self-acceptance so completely. it might be silly but i'm not joking when i said seeing that happen for David who is such a well-realized character in his own right helped me tremendously in finding comfort in my own identity.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

God hell if i know what counts as a popular or an unpopular opinion for anything at any given time but i guess what i will say is that i remember when dr s3 was dropping i got, like, unreasonably annoyed at people who were like "oh so matteo is Even and david is Isak actually!" i mean looking back now i can't blame them because the parallels are there, they are literally an adaptation of this story and of course people are going to try to find connections where they can, but aside from the fact that matteo and david are pretty different characters from Even and Isak at the time it sort of felt like it was, like, playing down david's agency in the story? or reducing even and isak's own roles in their story to the active versus the passive one?? idk if that makes sense skdjfhnsdkjfs i just think it's kind of reductive to say the story was a role reversal just because Matteo was more assertive than Isak in some places but maybe i'm just being sensitive ksdjfhnsdjkfsdjk

on a lighter note again idk if this is an unpopular opinion, this is really just my own personal headcanon honestly but in my mind davenzi are one of two relationships in the entire skamverse i can see lasting after high school (the other one is Amira/Mohammed, what can i say i'm a druck stan through and through), like with most other couples i'm invested in i can see them being more on and off or like breaking up and getting back together a few years down the line or even just like splitting amicably and remembering the times they had together with deep fondness (idk how obvious it is but i'm not a huge believer in the longevity of high school relationships as much as I love my skamverse ships), with davenzi though idk i'd put bets on them being the real deal babey call me biased but i won't apologize for it

Kieu My/Fatou - ship it [it feels silly to even type this like of course i ship Kieu My and Fatou, I have eyes and breath in my lungs, who do you think i am]

1. What made you ship it?

actual physical proof i have been clowning since week 1:

lol but in all seriousness in season 5 i thought there was totally potential there as one of the relatively rare instances in the skamverse that a relationship has had significant development across multiple seasons (i don't count most noorhells in my brain sue me) and some already pretty compelling themes established about authenticity and such with the huge caveat that their story had to show Kieu My as a real and flawed person versus the idealized version Fatou had of her (which it did!!! and it gave me rights!!!!) but i think i was pretty cautious up until the first clip of season 6 when Kieu My and Fatou walk home and they talk about axolotls and Kieu My rides Fatou's skateboard and tripped and fell and theiR HANDS CAUGHT like they hadn't talked much objectively speaking but from the moment i knew they Had Hands i was fully 100% on board ride or die until the end (i'm sorry that i'm gay but there's nothing i can do about it)

another part of the season that i can pinpoint as a real turning point for me was the end of episode 5 - particularly Fatou telling Kieu My that she's good. Like i think up until then i was still kind of like "hmmm it depends on where they go from here" esp after the end of ep 4 but like getting more of Kieu My's side of things, seeing the way these two characters both put so much pressure on themselves (and how those aspects of their character arcs push and pull with each other), Kieu My's earnest attempts to connect with Fatou in such stark contrast to her Ice Queen persona, Fatou's attempts to shut her out before realizing she just didn't want to do that and running after her to kiss her on her doorstep, man. that shit Hit u know.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

I hate this question ksdjfnsdjkfnsdkjfs it'S SO HARD but here are some things that come to mind:

I have mentioned this before but i think the character work of this season is SO good and imo a big part of that is the way that their insecurities push and pull against each other and how that sort of pushes them into confronting those insecurities. like the conflict that comes from Kieu My's struggles to be vulnerable because of her past experiences of being abandoned when people saw her beyond her party girl ice queen persona versus Fatou's fears and insecurities surrounding being stupid and therefore not good enough? Chef's kiss! Ten out of ten! We love to see them accept themselves by accepting each other!

there's this line at the end of ep 10 where Kieu My says "I think if you were like me we would still be alone swimming around somewhere in the universe" and almost a full year later this line still makes me feel INSANE like this is it! this is their entire relationship stripped down to its bare essentials! like genuinely this one line makes me feel so many things i have to list it as its own thing i simply must

I love love love that their story was given the focus and attention of a full season, i love that they were afforded so much time and care and attention, i love that they got so many moments to just be with each other and that those moments were portrayed with such intimacy and tenderness, i love that they got care and attention and development BEFORE their season and even after their season, i love that two queer girls of color got this but also their story was about SO MUCH MORE than their identities, it just means the fucking world to me okay idk how else to say it

On a sillier note: i love that Kieu My's peace offering at the end of ep 5 was to bring Fatou banh xeo because her mom is a "really good cook". having just come back from the holidays with my parents wherein they asked me what i wanted to eat and the first thing i said was "mom's banh xeo", Kieu My you are SO FUCKING VALID. but also food as their love language as like a general thing is really really good, i'm a huge fan

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Man idk what's popular and what's not??? At the time that the season was airing i felt like the season was judged pretty harshly [and somewhat unfairly so in some cases imo], when despite its problems i feel that there is also so much good it brings to the table that deserves to be acknowledged, but idk what the general consensus about the season is anymore so who can say. also i'm not super into the idea of jealousy with these two but i don't think that's like specific to kieutou i'm just not a big fan of jealousy as a source of romantic tension in general

[kozumekenza]

on my mind :: five

:: suna rintarou x f!reader :: playlist :: masterlist ::

:: taglist: open :: wc: 2.2k ::

After a drunken one-night stand with your ex, you thought you could get him out of your life for good. Unfortunately, the two of you can’t seem to keep away from each other. Why can’t you leave each other alone? And more importantly, why is he still on your mind?

tw: alcohol, profanity, mentions of sex

author’s note: this chapter is v self-indulgent + fluffy but i hard a hard time getting it to flow while covering everything, so i’m sorry if it some parts seem kinda confusing. as always, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy this chapter <3

After another week of deliberation, you were no closer to determining if another relationship with Suna would be worth a shot. You didn’t hear from him or speak to him at practice, even after you rejoined the team on the court later in the week. He kept his distance, seemingly wary of talking to you after you left him at his kitchen table Saturday morning. 

You weren’t quite sure what to make of it. Based on his reaction Saturday, you guessed he was probably pissed at you, and you didn’t blame him. He had specifically warned you about regrets on Friday night, and you completely blew him off, just to tell him you regretted everything the next day. It was a dick move on your part, and you understood that. There weren’t any excuses; it was simply your drunk versus sober self warring against each other. 

Nonetheless, you still felt awful. You kept your distance; you didn’t want to further anger Suna with your presence. During practice, you kept to the sidelines, performing your duties with a calculating eye and absolute precision. 

Still, by the end of the week, you were exhausted. Besides the intense contemplation you were performing in your head, work was also draining. Sakusa Kiyoomi sprained his wrist (apparently, it happened quite often), Yaku Morisuke nearly tore his ACL (a devastating injury for a libero), and on top of it all, Hinata Shoyo somehow managed to break two toes, his pinky finger, and got a concussion. Top it all off with the fact that Tobio Kageyama was always hovering over Hinata when he was injured, questioning your every move, and you had a recipe for disaster (or at least extreme exhaustion). By the time Friday’s afternoon practice was finished, you were ready to fall asleep while standing up.

You said your goodbyes to the team, approved the weekend’s schedule with Iwaizumi (it was your turn to work Sunday’s practice match), and took the train home. After unlocking your apartment, you debated whether or not you should go straight to bed without dinner or suck it up and make something quick and easy. In the end, your desire to not wake up starving at five in the morning won, and you went to change before starting dinner. You threw on some old running shorts and Suna’s stolen jersey, which had become your new favorite sleep shirt (who could blame you, it was comfortable as hell). 

However, a quick search through your cabinets and fridge showed that you had almost no food, whatsoever. Not a big deal, you could just run to the convenience store down the street. 

So you did, with no makeup, dressed in sleep clothes, hair in a messy bun. 

Grabbing a basket, you made your way around the small store, ignoring the stares you received from other customers (you chose to believe it was just because of your tangled hair, but you knew it was because you were wearing a Japanese National Team jersey). You picked up some eggs and noodles for ramen, along with some broth. You were in the frozen food aisle, considering the merits of cookies and cream versus matcha ice cream, when someone tentatively called your name.

You spun around, cursing yourself for not at least putting on a jacket, when you began to curse yourself even more for wearing the stupid jersey. 

You came face to face with Suna Rintarou, who was considering you with a pained expression on his face. 

“Hey, Suna,” you switched your basket from one hip to the other, “what are you doing here?”

He held up the package in his hand. Jelly fruit sticks. “Had a craving.”

You inclined your head. “Cool.”

“What about you?”

You looked down at the basket. “Needed stuff to make ramen.”

He nodded, then looked off to the side before looking back at you. “Um, y/n, who’s jersey is that?”

Panicking, you laughed. “Just an extra I found.”

“Really? It has my name on the back.”

Shit. “Oh, well, must be a coincidence, I guess.”

He cocked his head to the side. “I also lost mine a few weeks ago.”

“Oh wow, that’s awful, I’m sorry.” You turned, trying to make an escape.

“Y/n.”

You looked back at Suna. “Yeah?”

“That’s my jersey.”

You laughed again, dread really becoming apparent now. “What? No way.”

Suna just continued looking at you. “Your bra is at my apartment.”

You quickly shook your head. “No-”

“So is your torn skirt.”

“No, tha-”

“We slept together.”

“Yeah, but only-”

“Twice.”

“No, def-”

“And you knew.”

You were really starting to panic, hands waving around, like that would somehow convince him. “No, no, no.”

Suna looked you in the eye. “We need to talk.”

You sighed, accepting defeat. “Yeah, I guess we do.”

---

After awkwardly paying for your food and an even more awkward walk back to your apartment, you and Suna were finally in private.

“D’ya want anything to drink? Water, soda, juice? Wine, something a little stronger? Vodka?”

Suna just sighed, shrugging out of his jacket. “Water’s fine, thanks.”

You poured him a glass of water and yourself a glass of wine, but not before taking a few shots of vodka. You were going to need it to get through this. You approached with the glasses, setting one down in front of Suna before curling up on the other end of the couch. 

“Nice place you got.”

“Thanks.” You sipped from your glass, waiting for Suna to make the first move. When it became apparent that he wasn’t going to speak until you did, you spoke up. “I’m-”

“We-”

You laughed, setting down your glass. “You can go first.”

Suna took a deep breath. “We both have fucked up, in the past and now. I’ll admit it. The way I treated you in high school was shitty, and it’s taken me a long time to own up to it. I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you back then. And I don’t know if it’s you getting back at me, or purely coincidental, but I’m kinda hurt that you hid this from me. I mean, for fuck’s sake, y/n, I talked about it in front of you. And you just kept quiet!” You silently watched as Suna took a sip of water. “I guess my main question is why. Why didn’t you say anything to me? Were you just hoping that I would never find out?”

You assessed Suna, allowing yourself a moment to think. “I didn’t hide it from you to get back at you. I’ve long since forgiven you for all of the shit in high school, and it wasn’t just you. I was immature and insecure back then, so for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. I think I didn’t say anything because I was scared. I mean, I woke up that morning in your apartment, with no memory of the night before, and I hadn’t seen you in eight years. I had no clue what happened or why I was there. I didn’t know why you were in Tokyo, and honestly, I thought you would’ve been disgusted. We hadn’t spoken to each other in a long, long time. I didn’t want our first meeting after all those years to be an awkward morning-after. And about the jersey,” you laughed a little to yourself, “that was pure coincidence. I had no clue what I had taken until I got home, and I had no idea how to return it.”

Suna nodded, seemingly thinking something over before speaking. “I forgive you. I’m not even that upset about everything, to be honest. I think it just kind of hurts that you kept it from me. And I’ll admit, I was really bothered when you just left last Saturday. I don’t know how much of what you said Friday night is true, and I was a little drunk too, but I meant everything. I didn’t want you to have any regrets, and I don’t regret it.” He chuckled to himself, “I mean obviously, I wish we had slept together under different circumstances, and I wish that you didn’t regret it either, because it clearly made you upset.”

“I think it just took me by surprise, that was all. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t get drunk and sleep with you again, and I did exactly that. I was upset at myself, and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.” You made eye contact with him, hoping that your eyes could convey the emotions that your words could not. “For what it’s worth, I meant everything as well. I did miss you, all those years we were apart, but I hope you understand why I had to leave back then. We were tearing each other apart, constantly. I had to do the hard thing and get out before there was nothing left.” Tears started to well up in your eyes, and you quickly wiped them away. “I had to leave. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, because I loved you,” your voice broke, “no, because I still love you, so much. For eight years, I focused on bettering myself, and I tried every single day to forget about you, but you were always on my mind. And I was terrified when I saw you again, fuck, I’m still terrified. But you’re my best friend, you always have been, and I love you, Rin.” You couldn’t stop the tears that were flowing now, after bearing your heart. You let Suna pull you in, and cried into his chest as he stroked your hair and whispered calming words. When the tears finally stopped, you remained tucked into Suna, your head underneath his chin. 

“I never stopped thinking about you, or loving you.” Now Suna was the one who sounded close to tears. “You can ask ‘Tsumu. I always asked him for updates on you. I remember, when I got my National Team letter, the first thing I did was ask ‘Tsumu if you’d be a trainer here. I kept up with you, and I knew you had just completed your training with another team. So I knew you were gonna be here, and I thought, maybe, just maybe, this was my chance. Our chance to fix the whole ‘right person, wrong time’ thing we had. ‘Cause that’s what I’m convinced it was. We just didn’t know how to balance each other out yet or how to be in a real relationship yet. We were still kids, learning about ourselves and the world. When you left, I was determined to not make it the last time I ever saw you. I knew you had to leave, had to find your place in the world, without me. I never blamed you. You did the hard part by leaving. What you didn’t know, though,” Suna hugged you a little closer, “is that I was always there, right next to you, cheering you on.” Now the both of you were crying. “I want to fix things with you, make things right. If there’s anything I learned last Friday,” Suna gave a wet laugh, “it’s that we can still talk to each other, and we can do it better than we ever did. I want to be with you, again. I want there to be an us, again.”

You sat up a little, putting some space between the two of you. This, you weren’t so sure about. You looked to the side, trying to avoid Suna’s pleading eye contact. “Rin,” you looked back up at him, “you know I love you. You know I missed you so, so much. But I just need a little bit more time. And I’m sorry to even ask you-”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay.” He held you close as you began crying again. “I understand, I do. I’ll wait, as long as you need me too, I’ll wait for you. Just promise me that you’ll let me know when you’re ready.”

You nodded against his chest. “I promise, Rintarou. Thank you.”

You stayed there, head on his chest, just listening to his heartbeat. It felt as if a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. It was nice to get everything off of your chest, to figure out where the both of you stood with each other. It was nice to know that you would have the time and space to sort your head out, to fully work out if a relationship with Suna was a good idea or not. There were still so many aspects of your high school relationship that you had pushed to the side years ago, and you needed to sort through it. You needed to separate that Suna from this Suna, the old you from the present you. You needed time to be in a better mental state, one where you could give him your all. 

But you knew, no matter how much time it took, Suna would be waiting for you. 

---

When Suna finally left your apartment, it was hours and a teary goodbye later. You promised to keep in touch, and he promised to give you time and space. 

You went to bed feeling significantly lighter, dreaming about a future where you could fall asleep on Suna’s chest every single night. 

taglist: @sunasexual @call-me-lulu​ @ntimacy​ @circleglasses​ @porcolie​ @keikotaro 

[what-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me]

The Haunting of Thomas Sanders 

> Part 1 < Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Summary: Nico was beginning to think his new boyfriend was haunted by ghosts. He never planned to bring it up until the ghosts themselves came to him asking for help.

[AO3]

CW: food mention, alcohol mention, past breakup

Notes: Based off this text post I made. 

.

Nico had come to the mall for inspiration.

Anything to get out of his office would help him at this point, really. The meetings he had to go to were stifling any new ideas and the nosey, pompous co-workers were worse. The writer did not know what he was looking for, but what else brought people to malls? Maybe a new outfit would uncover confidence , maybe indulging in greasy food would be that final click he seemed to lack, maybe people-watching would offer the right story. Nico's bets were not on the last one.

The mall was not as busy as it once had been. When he was still a teen it was a lively place bustling with a constant traffic of people. Walking through shops offered hours of new stimulation and the hallways were towering, intricate skylights the crowning jewel. As time went on Nico got older and things changed. Online shopping is easier than anything and a fair few of the shops were closed down for good.

Nevertheless it was his favorite place to write if he had to choose. The buzz of energy helped him focus on work. Nico found peculiar security in being an irrelevant face in a crowd of hundreds, and knowing that each person had a life he could never even imagine opened floodgates of inspiration. The 'What if's?' and 'Why's?" he asked himself when people-watching could get the ball rolling.

Now there were less faces, less stories. Nico did not appreciate the way this shift reflected in his work. The difference was noticeable, and he struggled more with deadlines, but he worked with what he had.

He learned to pay attention to individuals more. However, currently what he had was waiting for his food, because at this point he might have more luck finding inspiration in eating then in others. There had only been a toddler throwing a tantrum, a teen scrolling on their phone, and a man who sat down across from him at the food court-

Oh hello, inspiration.

If Nico was staring, the only reason he got away with it was his laptop blocking his line of sight. He saw all he needed out of the corner of his eye. The floral shirt was extremely flattering, and if he wasn't mistaken he could see the outline of muscles. That brown hair looked fluffy, and what he would give to run his fingers through it while- Okay, Nico, you might be gay but that thought isn't for a stranger .

He could not even see his eye color. And the man in the floral shirt was eating, interrupting his meal would be rude. Maybe there was a way to make this still work? As his waitress got to his table and dropped off his food, he subtly turned his pinned-covered backpack in the direction of the stranger. If Mr. Handsome did not answer his silent plea then he would move on.

He tossed a fry into his mouth instead of letting himself think.

Maybe he had got his hopes up when the guy came in his direction, only to walk up to a Karrot King line. When the writer saw the man in the floral shirt inspect the plant, he wondered if he liked botany. Finally the same useless hope happened again when they made admittedly awkward eye contact for a few seconds. So he has brown eyes. The guy turned away rather fast so Nico dropped it. Maybe showing a pride pin made the guy uncomfortable and it was to good to be true.

Only when he heard a CRASH and saw somebody fall into a garbage can, did he finally get an idea about what to write. That was a metaphor he could spin into a story. Certainly it was not at all because he felt trashy for a missed opportunity. Nor was it due to that cute guy having disappeared, leaving his food uneaten.

Wait . You can still make this work, Flores.

He scarfed down the rest of his food and discarded the trash. Nico's fast pace to get to the table with the food turned a few heads, but he ignored it. Greasy bag in hand, he browsed the crowd for that familiar pattern. Every person wearing a floral shirt was either an older lady or a child. Nico swayed on the balls of his feet as he contemplated what to do next, but then he saw him coming out of the restroom.

Bingo!

None of what happened after went as planned. Serves him right for letting his overactive imagination create unrealistic expectations.

He should have known trying to do small talk with strangers would only backfire. After Nico had called out after him to return the food, he had tried to ask what made him leave in a rush to forget his food. Then the guy asked what was wrong with him and Nico dropped it. He gave the stranger his well-wishers and left afterwards. He would honestly rather head back to work then be here right now.  

No matter if he was admittedly cute, Nico Flores probably would have been mad at the man if he did not look like he was on the verge of a public anxiety attack. He was probably starving, too, if he had forgotten his lunch.

The man in the floral shirt hesitated behind him, running after Nico.

When they actually sat down to talk together, the man in the floral shirt - Mr. Sanders, Thomas - was quite charming. And funny. And intelligent. Oh, when he had called Thomas an inspiration earlier he had meant it. He just met a singer and an actor, is there a more perfect match to a writer and poet?

Leave it to his imagination to think of a man he just met reciting the poems and lovingly singing songs he writes.

The two had talked for over two hours without noticing. They had bounced ideas off of each other and Nico made an impressive amount of progress. He felt so giddy with just this one interaction! Nico was sad that they had to leave; Thomas seemed just as reluctant to part.

"Well you didn't get to eat much today at lunch right?"

Thomas fiddled with his fingers, "Yeah…"

Nico did not let himself second guess himself , he offered, "Then let me buy you dinner tonight!"

As a breath caught in Thomas' throat, Nico was self conscious that he might have said something wrong, but the heavy blush across the other man's face was not of offence or horror at all. Thomas was smiling at him again.

Finding ways to make Thomas go speechless was going to be his new favorite pastime… if Thomas would give him a chance, he decided. Just that alone lit a fire inside him, and later when he finished with writing for work, he would write some more. All he would be writing about would be this, a collection of poems to free these butterflies in his stomach. Thomas seemed to look around for approval from anybody else and nodded quickly

"I'd love to go with you, Nico! Maybe we can uh- get to know each other better?" Oh man, it was flattering to have somebody so cute get so nervous at him of all people.  

"Only if I could get to know the digits on your phone number better," he confirmed with a playful grin. It might have been cheesy, certainly. But he was also the person who told Thomas that they would not waste this opportunity. Pretending he was not corny now would be a lie.

Thomas taking his cliché advances in stride only made him more hopeful.

.

.

They both later met at a local bar and grill close to the beach. A salty sea breeze tousled his hair and the palm leaves. The hour was close to sunset, too hot for the mosquitoes to bug them but not too hot for the two of them to eat outside.

"I'm looking for a table for two? RSVP'd under the name 'Flores'?" He asked. The waitress nodded, sat him down with a menu. Thomas was not there, and a part of him wonders if he is getting stood up. Nico, not particularly interested in looking at food yet, fiddled with his laptop. He sighed because even If that was the case, Nico would try to make the most of the night.

The waitress brought Thomas to the table a few minutes later. The writer's heart soared before worry took root. Thomas was wearing that same expression from earlier that day on his face. He anxiously explained. "I'm so, so sorry for being late. And i totally get if you don't want me here and would prefer to just call this all off. I didn't mean to show up late, but then as I was about to leave my apartment I- my keys just-"

Nico grabbed one of Thomas' hands and smiled reassuringly. "Hey, I'm not angry you got here late."

Thomas really did look cute flustered, but he did not let go of the hand. Instead he ran his thumbs along his knuckles. "I'm happy you're here with me. Wanna order a drink and maybe share an appetizer with me?"

They both chatted about foods they disliked while waiting. Thomas hated carrots with a passion as it turned out, and he made a mental note to tease him about going to a Karrot King. Nico in turn talked about his dislike for most seafood and mushrooms because of the slimy texture. The waitress came and both agreed on a sampler platter to share.

"Mimosas at sunset?" He inquired.

Thomas smiled nervously. "I usually save them for brunches, with friends. All the other options I like are too much if I want to drive home tonight."

Nico nodded, understanding.

Just like in the food court, Talking with Thomas made time go past without him even noticing. They tried out food together, talked about music, and that led Nico into telling a story about a Highschool band. Thomas was red in the face and giggling uncontrollably by the time they paid for the check and had to leave.

They left the building together when Thomas stopped him. "There's a park around the corner. We can feed the ducks some leftovers."

If Nico noticed that Thomas was not ready to say bye just yet, he did not say it. The last of the sun was behind the horizon by the time they went through a breadstick. Watching Thomas interact with the ducks gave him the idea that this man loved animals. They were cute, he would admit, but nature found other ways to ruin his mood.

Nico laughed at himself, pulling his arms closer into his body. "I almost wish I dressed up a bit more. I didn't expect the mosquitoes to be this bad."

"I know it's warm out, but I can lend you a jacket?"

Nico did a double take at what Thomas was holding up. It was black with plaid sleeves, already oversized so it wouldn't have a problem fitting Nico. It honestly looked very comfortable, and it would keep him from being bit, but comfort wasn't what he was caught up on.

"Being warm beats being eaten alive."

When the fuck did Thomas have an extra jacket on him? Did he really not notice it?

He hesitated, and then asked a whole entirety different question. "Are you sure I can take this? I won't be able to return it to you tonight."

Thomas insisted, "Please, I don't mind- I don't need it. And you can keep it for tonight, or until we see each other again?"

Nico put the jacket on and it was soft. And it smelled like the cologne Thomas was wearing. Oh this was nice. "When will that be, Thomas?"

Thomas let his eyes linger on Nico in his jacket. "Saturday I'm free, I think. We could have brunch together, even."

He smiled. "Saturday sounds wonderful."

.

.

When they first had met, being infatuated was easy. It came to the pair more natural than breathing.

Nico originally did not know if his relationship with Thomas Sanders would go anywhere. But the first meeting had been so promising. And then they had a brunch date at Thomas' place, then a second and a third. Maybe… maybe Nico was moving too fast. Things kept going well nonetheless.

Four, five, six, seven. They kept on hanging out. Going out. They wanted to see more and more of each other. Quickly they were amassing a horde of good memories together. During nights away, they loved to text and call each other. They never put a label on what they did, which was starting to bother him. It felt more intimate than friendship. Were these dates?

According to his family, yes. They had noticed his change in mood and lack of free time quickly and demanded explanation. He kept it vague, but got advice anyways. Mama Flores said it was ridiculous that he had not brought Thomas by to meet the famila. Hid Papa was more doubtful. Even though it has been years since Nico's last major failed relationship, his father was still worried.

Papa Flores was a proud man, so it left a bad taste in his mouth when he requested Nico to take more time before giving his heart away. He had to oblige. Nico was over it, he healed, but some of his family was not. Nico's ex was like a second son to Papa, and everybody was hurt by him.

Call him cliché, but Thomas was different.

Even when Nico was past the stage of infatuation, Thomas took his breath away.

Could you be infatuated by somebody you have not actually kissed yet? It felt like it. Sure, when they had met at that food court, he had his breath taken away, and that feeling intensified when they saw each other more. He knew infatuation could feel like love, but these feelings passed the test of time and matured into something deeper. With more meaning. He did not like just the idea of Thomas and what their future might look like, he liked Thomas for his presence and as a person.

Suddenly his worries that they were moving too fast turned into frustrations they were moving too slow. They were more intimate than regular friends, but they never got far enough to be considered partners. It was frustrating to figure out. Nico was ready for a relationship, he was certain. The three months he spent getting to know Thomas were blissful, and calling their dates only "hangouts" had begun to feel forced.

So they talked about it.

Thomas said he was also ready but his actions seemed more… hesitant. He mentioned somebody from his past, who he moved on from but never could forget. Nico wanted to ask, to find out what happened to his heart for him to be so afraid. He knew what it felt like to have scars that still hurt, he wanted to be there for Thomas as he healed.

But that was not the time for the conversation. Not when Nico was nearly on Thomas' lap and his arms hung around his neck. Not when Thomas met his eyes and Nico stared at them for too long. It could have been him trying to figure out what emotions they held, maybe Thomas' eyes were that beautiful. His friend -- boyfriend? -- got so anxious and trapped in his head easily, but Thomas seemed in control of his more scary thoughts in that moment. It brought a smile to his face, unnoticed between the way they were slowly moving closer.

Still, cautious and vulnerable, eager and loving, Thomas had let Nico kiss him. Finally getting to show Thomas just how much he wanted to cherish him was amazing. And receiving that same passion in return was intoxicating.

Getting an answer never felt so good.

Nico's more-than-friendly feelings were not the only thing that was starting to add up in regards to Thomas either. There were strange happenings, though were so minuscule he had nothing tangible to go off of.

Thomas might be really good at sneaking things past Nico's eyes, common sense would say. Intuition told himself not to doubt what he saw. Thomas did not have that spare jacket on their first date originally. It literally had to of appeared from thin air. And when Thomas invited him for brunch, he noticed that two of the mimosas Thomas had prepared with brunch had vanished. Sometimes he experiences ghost touches when staying the night. The hands were gentle and comforting, calluses on the fingertips just like Thomas, but when he opened his eyes nobody was there.

That was the most noticeable of things. Though he could list off a dozen smaller happenings. He had no proof for them, as they could be explained, but Nico listened to his gut here.

And Nico has no idea what he would want to do with this information anyways. Thomas seemed to have some supernatural force that followed him around. What a fantastic conclusion to jump to! It would be weird to bring up, especially after Thomas had denied anything when Nico subtly brought it up. And the ghosts - for lack of better term - did nothing to harm Thomas.

The information that Thomas was haunted by ghosts was, for all intents and purposes, useless.

(Except it was not. It was fantastic material to write from. When he first called Thomas inspiration, his first impression never proved to be wrong.)

(And if Nico had started a personal project dedicated to a story based on it, nobody needed to know,)

The difference between Nico's feelings for Thomas and his feelings about his ghosts is that one actually got addressed.

He would be content to let Thomas have that secret to himself.

NEXT PART >>

[halloweenhoneylover]

serendipity

summary: spencer cannot wait to propose, but you accidentally beat him to it (spencer reid x fem!reader)

word count: 5k

warnings: some language! some minor angst!

author’s note: this is 100% based on one of my favorite episodes of new girl (google doc name is winston bishop type shit), also this is mega self-indulgent so if u don’t like dinosaurs and/or ferns i’m sorry :/

You let out a satisfied hum. Everything was quite nearly perfect. Presently, you were sitting on a bench next to the little duck pond in the park by your apartment, and you watched as tendrils of the weeping willow grazed the surface, sending gentle ripples across the water. It seemed to glow in the dappled sunlight. An adorable duck family was nestled into some of the reeds, and your heart was happy as you watched the mother tending to her ducklings. This was your favorite spot in the entire city.

“Hey, Spence?” Your head rested on his shoulder as he read one of the Ray Bradbury novels that he loved dearly. You weren’t sure which one he was on now; he’d been determined to read his entire collection this weekend and had been flying through.

“Yes, dear?” His eyes didn’t leave the pages, but you didn’t mind.

“What do you call a group of ducks?”

“There’s a couple names actually. It can be called a raft, team, or paddling; it’s a matter of preference.” Finally, he shifted his gaze toward you, and he couldn’t help the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. The flush of your cheeks and the wisps of your hair, he was so incredibly enamored, he loved you so much. And he was so excited to let you know so soon, but not quite yet.

“I think I like paddling.”

“Yeah, me too.” Shutting his eyes to revel in this moment, he pressed a kiss to the crown of your head. 

“Hey, Spence?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Do you wanna get married?”

What.

Spencer floundered in the absolute contradiction of feelings that he found himself submerged in in that moment. Ice flooded his veins, and his face heated. His blood pressure skyrocketed, and oh God, it’s not supposed to happen like this. Yes, he loves her terribly, and yes, he absolutely wants to marry her, but he had a plan! An incredibly intricate and thoughtful twenty-two step plan that was going to take place over the course of the next month. It was all laid out in an entire binder in his desk. All he could muster in response was an extremely eloquent, “Uh—well, uh—”

Oblivious to his inner turmoil, you finally lifted your head to look at him with the biggest heart eyes he’s ever seen, and he can’t help but feel so, so guilty. “I just thought, why not, you know? Spencer, I love you a whole lot, and I’m pretty sure you love me a whole lot too. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want the rest of my life to start right now.” 

“No.”

Judging by the look on your face, that was clearly not the answer you were expecting. “No?”

“Uh, yeah, no.” God, stupid dumb idiot, telling the girl you want to marry that you don’t want to marry her. What’s the point of having 187 IQ points if you use exactly none of them when it actually matters?

“No, you don’t want to marry me?” Your heart dropped into your stomach and was falling further and further every passing second.

“Wait no, hold on—” 

“No, I get it,” you choked out, hastily standing up from the bench. “Actually, I don’t get it, but that doesn’t really matter, I guess.” You jammed your arms into the sleeves of your jacket, so you could get out of this moment as soon as humanly possible. Holy shit, had you been blind-sided. “Um, I think I’m gonna go hang out with Penelope, might spend the night, I’m not sure. Enjoy your book.” And with that, you were speeding down the path out of the park.

“Wait, (Y/N/N)!” Spencer tried to gather his belongings to run after you, but you had a head start, and he couldn’t gather all of the books in his arms fast enough. Leave the books!!! Go after her!!! But you had already turned the corner and were out of sight.

With his books finally secure, Spencer sprinted in the direction of your shared apartment. He needed to fix this. And fast.

———

Morgan sat at his desk peacefully looking over the plans for a house he was renovating when the phone rang, and he couldn't help but internally groan at the sound. If Hotch is calling on his weekend off, so help him God, he would hang up and chuck the phone out the window.

Instead, he was met with Garcia’s voice, which was so loud he had to pull the phone away from his ear. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, mama. Let’s take it down a few notches.”

“Alright, fine, babycakes,” she hissed, and Derek was shocked at the unfamiliar venom in her tone. “Would you please be so kind as to explain to me why your dear friend Reid is the most evil, most reprehensible, most despicable—”

“Garcia, what are you talking about?”

“You mean that little rat boy hasn’t come crawling to you explaining his crimes?”

Despite his infinite patience for her antics, he sighed quietly. “I’m in the dark, baby girl, but I’m sure whatever Reid did, it can’t be that bad.”

“Oh, it can be that bad! He told (Y/N) that he didn’t want to marry her.”

“He did what?” Derek’s eyes were practically popping out of his head at the news. There’s no way that happened.

“He said that he didn’t want to marry our precious lily flower (Y/N)! I love that boy, but now, (Y/N) is here bawling her eyes out on my couch, and I don’t know what to do!”

His heart broke a little at the thought of his friend being so devastated, but he couldn’t help the roaring confusion that plagued him. Derek knew that Spencer was planning to propose to you; he’d seen the binder. He’d even been recruited to help with Steps 4, 9, 10, and 18! 

Oh.

And that’s when Derek had a sneaking suspicion as to what had occurred. “Penelope, were his exact words ‘I don’t want to marry—” But his attention was drawn away from the phone by a knock on the door.

Speak of the devil….

“Garcia, I gotta go, but tell (Y/N) everything’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna have a word with our boy.”

“Oh my God, is he there with you?! That little bastard—” He hung up before her words could become any sharper, and the knocking became frantic.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming!” He jogged to go unlock the door. “You’re gonna knock the door down, kid.”

The door swung open to reveal Spencer, huffing and puffing with a red face and a binder in arm. “Morgan, I am the stupidest man to ever walk the Earth.”

“Did you run here?”

Ignoring the question, he pushed past him with an agitated step. “I am a complete idiot, a dumbass, if you will.”

Morgan shut the door and crossed his arms, walking to stand opposite Reid who had sat on the couch with his head in his hands. “Yeah, I might agree with you on that one. Garcia called me, told me (Y/N) is crying on her couch ‘cause you told her you didn’t want to marry her, which I know is not true.”

“I didn’t say that!” he cried, gesticulating wildly. “Not exactly. She asked me if I wanted to get married—”

“And what did you say?”

His hesitation was palpable. “...No.”

“Yeah, I’d say that constitutes dumbass behavior, especially because I know you only said that because you have your proposal all planned out, and you want it to be perfect.”

“Morgan, you don’t get it,” he implored, the desperation evident in his eyes, and Derek finally started feeling a little bad for the kid, an inkling of sympathy squirming in his gut. “No one deserves the most perfect proposal more than (Y/N). No one. You know how she’s always felt unwanted, and she’s told me that she felt like she always has to ask for love, and I couldn’t let her feel like that with me. I had to make sure that she had a special proposal because she’s special. And I want her to know without having to ask that I want her more than anything else in this world.”

Reid looked down at the toes of his scuffed Converse, hoping that he hadn’t permanently fucked up his best chance at happiness, and Morgan’s expression softened. “I know, kid. And I’m not trying to rub salt in the wound, but you do know that this was not the best way of letting her know that she’s wanted and loved?”

“Yes, I know, Morgan,” he muttered, voice breaking around the slug in his throat. “I wasn’t thinking.”

A sigh. “No, you weren’t. But I’m gonna help you fix it.”

Reid looked up with wide eyes. “Really?”

“You both deserve to be happy...even if you make some pretty stupid choices sometimes.” 

Reid didn’t think he’d ever felt so grateful for his friend, and he offered a smile in gratitude. “Thanks. But I don’t even know where to start.”

Quirking an eyebrow and returning with a grin, Morgan picked up the binder from the table where it had been set. “I’ve got a couple ideas.”

——— 

“How is she doing?”

“Erm, it’s not looking great,” Garcia responded.

She was openly hostile when Reid had called her (he’d never been on the receiving end of Garcia’s wrath (so few people had been), and he was sure that was something he never wanted to experience again), but she’d finally restrained herself and offered a little empathy (not a lot though, she was too loyal to (Y/N) for that) when he had explained himself. However, when she’d been informed of the plan to apologize, regain your love and trust and to maybe, just maybe, ask for your hand in marriage, she had wholeheartedly avowed her support and pledged her help despite still being a little miffed at boy genius’ idiocy.

“She’s been sitting on the floor of the bathroom for an hour listening to Landslide on repeat and crying, so I would say she’s, um…not well.”

Spencer winced at that, and he felt physically sick at the thought that you were hurting because of him. His heart clenched unbearably, and he wished so badly that he could take back his words and just say yes, but unfortunately for him, time is linear, and he was just going to have to do his best to fix things.

“I just need a couple more hours to get everything ready.”

“Well, hurry up, pretty boy! I love our girl immensely, but if I have to hear Stevie Nicks mourn the passage of time and love one more time, I will lose my mind.”

“Garcia, please, just be patient.”

She groaned. “You’re lucky I love you.” And with that, she hung up.

——— 

You huffed a sigh, clutching to your chest a shiny pink pillow covered in sequins and giving Garcia the biggest puppy eyes you could muster. “Please, Penny, let’s not go out to dinner. Let’s just stay in and order Cheesecake Factory; you love Cheesecake Factory!”

“You’re right I do, but I love you more, and right now, you need to get up and get some fresh air!” The almost excessive amount of peppiness in her voice and her refusal of Cheesecake Factory was slightly suspicious, but you didn’t really have time to consider it as she dragged you up off the couch and to the door.

“Okay, counterpoint: what if you went out for dinner, and I stayed in and wallowed in self-pity?”

By the look on her face, you knew your evading tactics were not going to fly. She tutted slightly and said, “You’ve got to know I can’t let you do that. I’m legally obligated to stay with you until you feel better, that’s the deal when you’re friends with me.” She grabbed your coat, holding it open for you. 

Reluctantly, you sighed and slid your arms in, grumbling, “You’re too nice for your own good.”

“Well, that’s very sweet of you, but let’s get a move on!” And with that, she herded you out the door.

——— 

It was a nice dinner, the two of you out on the town, and for a while, you were granted the solace of distraction. Garcia took you into the city, and somehow it felt a little easier to breathe there under the streetlights amidst a bustling Saturday night crowd. You nestled together in some street corner diner, ordering an absurd amount of food and jabbering on about anything and everything. If she noticed the moments when you fell silent, eyes distant and glassy, (and she definitely did), she never said anything; she just offered a new topic and redirected you from the very sad place that was thoughts of Spencer. And you would latch on eagerly, seizing the opportunity to forget.

So, you spent the evening with late night waffles and french fries and milkshakes and the unending source of cheer that was Penelope Garcia, and by the end of it, your mind didn’t immediately redirect to that morning’s tragedy, which Garcia would define as a success. Together, you found your way back to her car, and you tumbled into the passenger seat, your eyelids immediately fluttering shut. Penelope grinned and drove off.

When you woke again, you were engulfed in bewilderment and not just the regular post-nap disorientation. “Penny, why are we at the National Mall? This is the opposite direction of your house.”

She tapped her acrylics on the steering wheel and nervously surveyed the street in front of her, trying to escape your prying gaze. “Uh—no reason!”

Too exhausted from your day of grief and distraction to be suspicious of her terrible lying, you leaned your head back against the seat, watching the glow of the streetlamps as they roved over the interior of the car.

Garcia seized this movement to set the next part of Reid’s plan in motion. “Hey! You know, what’d be fun is if we went to the Natural History museum! There’s nothing better to cheer you up than dusty old dinosaur bones.” (She didn’t necessarily understand the appeal, but she was trying her best.)

A small chuckle escaped you. “As much as I’d love that, it closed at nine, so we wouldn’t even be able to get in anyway.”

Garcia’s mind thundered furiously as she tried to come up with some way to get you in that freaking building. “Let’s just walk past! Take a peek through the windows, see what we can see!”

Something in you sensed that she wasn’t going to let this go, so you relented as she finagled some sort of street parking that was definitely illegal. You could barely get your seatbelt off before she was dragging you the stone steps, the massive corinthian columns looming. You squeaked a quick Penelope! and tried to keep up. Entirely ready to give up and head back to the car when she tried the door, your mouth fell open in shock when it gave way with ease. 

“Oh, look! It’s open! Let’s go inside.”

She didn’t wait for you to respond before she was ducking in the building, and you followed, completely and utterly baffled. Stumbling into the atrium, you were met by a receptionist at the desk. She smiled warmly, “Miss (Y/L/N), I presume?”

You nodded slowly before turning to Garcia whose devious smirk was undeniable. “Penny, what is going on?”

She grabbed your hands and looked at you with tears in her eyes. (Where the hell did those come from?) “Just remember that you’re a very forgiving person, and that sometimes the smartest of us can also be the most stupid.”

Furrowing your brows at that slightly cryptic message, you went to respond when the receptionist stood and said, “If you would, miss, please follow me.”

And so you walked with this stranger through the empty halls, the click of her heels echoing. It was odd to see a space that was normally flushed with people completely empty, and you studied the walls as you walked. “Um, may I ask what’s going on?”

The receptionist grinned, “I’m sorry, but I’m under strict instructions from Dr. Reid to not reveal anything.”

Strict instructions from Dr. Reid. You gasped a little at that, and your thoughts raged with possibilities of what Spencer could possibly have planned. If this was an elaborate attempt at an apology, you were a little overwhelmed; the little dispute this morning absolutely did not necessitate a response of this degree. Sure, you were disappointed, and you needed time to deal with it away from him, but you weren’t mad at him, not really. You had talked about marriage and knew that it was something you both wanted, but you had never discussed when. If he wasn’t ready to marry you quite yet, that was fine; you’d adjust. You were pretty sure you’d wait a whole lifetime for him. Besides, you had sprung it on him quite abruptly, and you knew Spencer and that he was not always well-equipped to deal with monumental change, and how could you blame him for that? You’d wait as long as he needed. 

“Here we are!”

Her words broke you from your thoughts, and you looked up to realize you were at the Hall of Fossils. (You had always been fond of the dinosaurs.) Glancing at the girl, you asked, “What do I do now?”

She laughed a little at that. “Just go inside. Take a look around.” And with that, she turned around, leaving you to wander the exhibit. 

So you ambled easily through the prehistoric relics and fossilized memories of a past Earth. It was rather haunting, the eerie silence and the illuminated dinosaur skeletons. You peered down at one of the explanatory plaques and instead found a blue post-it note. COLD. A grin wormed its way onto your face, and you jogged a little to the next plaque. GREENHOUSE GASES—WARMER. Spencer was always one for a game. So you zig-zagged through, collecting post-its. GLACIAL PERIOD—COLDER. CRETACEOUS WARMING. EOCENE KIND OF HOT! 

With the last note, you looked up and gasped yet again. Spencer was standing in a sea of different plants and flowers placed throughout the central clearing, and donning his signature tight-lipped smile and your favorite of his cardigans, he gave you a small wave. “Hi.”

“Hello.” Your response was breathless, and now that you had met his eyes, you couldn’t tear yours away. A weight lifted from your lungs, it was such a relief to see him, and you hadn’t realized how much you had missed him in the hours you spent apart until you could breathe properly again. “Fancy seeing you here.”

He chuckled at that, but the tension in his shoulders never released; he was clearly anxious, but for what reason, it was hard to say. 

An amusing gleam in his eye, he replied, “Same to you.” 

“How did you get into the museum after hours?”

He took the moment to examine the toes of his shoes, replying delicately, “I have friends in high places.”

“Ah, Dr. Reid, I always forget that you ruled the world of academia before your time fighting crime.”

He paused for a moment before continuing. “Do you remember our first date?”

You gave him a tender smile, and his racing heartbeat eased ever so slightly, you just had that kind of effect on him. “Well,” you began, “I remember you were wearing that cardigan, the one that I love, and I was so nervous I thought I was going to pass out—”

“I was definitely more nervous. I was so anxious I forgot who Carl Sagan was at one point.”

“I’d forgotten about that!” You giggled at the memory. “But I remember being in this room, and we were making stupid dinosaur puns, and I believe I told you that you are dino-mite….”

He nodded meekly with a subdued grin. “I think that was the moment I fell in love with you.” Meeting his eyes once again, you felt the wind knocked out of you. The utter honesty you found radiating from his soft golden irises hurt your heart, and it was impossible to not believe him. He fell in love on the first date, how sweet and lovely and perfectly Spencer is that?

You took a breath and began to walk closer, skimming a hand over the lush greenery around you. “You know, the last time I was here, I didn’t remember there being so much flora.” 

As if he had forgotten the miniature forest that surrounded him, he surveyed the plants surrounding him. There was a sea of succulents and ferns and honeysuckle and peonies and almost every other plant under the sun. “Yes, they’re a new addition. And if I recall correctly, it seems that lots of your favorites have made an appearance.”

“It does appear that way.”

He reached out to gently lift one strand of a nearby fern. “I believe you’ve mentioned before that you would ‘take a fern over a flower any day of the week.’”

“That would explain why they seem to be taking over the windowsills of our apartment.”

“True. Did you know that in the Victorian floriography, the fern represented sincerity and humility? So maybe if somebody had made a stupid mistake and they were trying to let someone know that they were really sorry, they might give a fern to say that they know they were being an idiot and they felt really bad for what they did.”

You laughed airily, “No, I was not aware of that fact.”

He closed the gap between you, reaching to tuck an errant lock of hair behind your ear. He simultaneously managed to pull a small bouquet of purple-ish flowers from thin air, causing more laughter to bubble from you. The laughing is a good sign, he thought, grinning. Keep going! “To really drive the point home, they might also give some columbine which represents foolishness.”

You looked up at him, your expression bright. “Oh man, this guy feels really bad.”

“Yeah,” he agreed before his words took a more somber cadence. “Yeah, he does.”

Your face softened. “Spence—” 

“Um, before you say anything else, (Y/N), I just need to let you know how sorry I am for this morning. I love you so, so much, and I never want you to doubt that, and—”

“Spencer, slow down. Really, it’s okay! I’m not mad.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re not angry with me, but it’s not okay because you still deserve an apology. A good apology. So,” he took a deep breath, “I am so very sorry for my actions and for letting you think for even a second that you’re not the most important thing in my life, and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you that I want to marry you when you asked because I do. I really, really do.”

Something warm and elated simmered in your stomach, and you beamed at him. “I’m glad because I wanna marry you too.” But before you could get too caught up in the moment, you remembered your earlier thoughts. “I don’t want to push you in any way, though, or make you commit to anything before you’re ready because marriage is kind of a big deal, and I’m happy to wait. Spencer Reid, I’d wait for you forever.”

“I don’t want to wait.” He shook his head and began digging in his pocket. 

Your eyes widened in shock and spluttered, “Spence, seriously, if you’re not ready—”

“I am ready.” Finally, he found it and pulled out a small velvet box, looking you dead in the eye. “(Y/N/N), I have been planning this for so long because I wanted it to be perfect for you. You deserve nothing less than the absolute best, and I wanted to give that to you.”

His admission gave you pause. “Wait, you’ve had this planned?”

“I’ve been planning this for months! This isn’t me trying to fumble around and fix my mistake. I have a binder and everything, you can ask Derek. That’s the only reason I said no!”

“You said no because you had a binder for your proposal plan?” you teased.

You both broke out into laughter at that.

Recovering his breath and trying to suppress his ever-growing grin, he said, “No, that’s not why. The only reason I said no earlier is because I needed to show you how much I wanted to say yes. You deserve the best, you deserve every star in the sky and every beautiful thing on this earth, and I wanted to make sure I gave that to you when we decided to spend the rest of our lives together because I want to be enough for you.” Trying to swallow around the slug in his throat, he continued, voice breaking slightly. “This is me giving you all the love I have to offer. You’re it for me, (Y/N). And frankly, I don’t want to spend another second without you.”

He settled on one knee and opened the box, looking up at you with the gentlest gaze and a pounding heart. The wetness of your eyes matched his, and you gave him a watery smile. “I’m saying yes now. I would really, really like to marry you, (Y/N/N), if you’ll still have me.”

“Of course, you absolute dork.” Yanking him up from the ground and grinning like a madman, you grabbed his face and pulled him in for the messiest kiss. He clutched your waist and held you as close as he could possibly manage. (His desire to never be parted seemed to be coming to fruition in the sort of melding of bodies that was occurring.) Clashing teeth and knocking noses, it was hard to settle things when neither of you could stop beaming. Overwhelmed by the complete and utter joy bubbling up in his chest, Spencer hugged you tightly before spinning you in a circle, both of you devolving into boisterous giggles. 

“Wait,” he murmured. “I forgot to give you the ring, I still need to seal the deal!” To which, you responded with another peal of laughter (something he thought he would never tire of hearing), as his trembling fingers floundered for the ring.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works, but I’ll take it either way.”

He finally secured, and taking your hand in his ever so gently tenderly, he slid a glimmering emerald on your finger. 

“Oh, Spencer, it’s beautiful.” He let out a sigh of relief. With light confusion, you asked, “What’s the sigh for, handsome?”

“I know you wanted a special ring, but when I went ring shopping with Derek, there was nothing I thought you’d like, so I special-ordered one from this shop that was going to be your size and everything, but that ring wasn’t going to be ready for a couple weeks. So today, when I knew I had to propose tonight, I ran to that vintage store you love and came across this one, and I thought you’d like it, but I wasn’t sure it was gonna fit, and—”

“I love it,” you looked at him, trying to will him to understand the depth of your sincerity. “And it fits perfectly!”

“How serendipitous.” He thought his face was going to split in half, he was smiling so wide. He couldn’t stop looking at the ring on your finger. How could one silly little rock make tears well in his eyes? Nonetheless, the sight of it made his heart race and his stomach churn with unrepentant butterflies because looking at it, he knew the girl he loved more than anything else on the planet, his favorite person had chosen to spend the rest of her life listening to his rambles and laughing at his jokes and sitting next to him by the pond in the park. The listless dream that had seemed so hopeless and romantic finally came to fruition in that shiny green stone, so no, he would not stop staring. 

“Indeed,” you mused, subtle and irresistible risibility fizzing in the silence that followed. You contemplated for a moment before asking, “What do we do now?”

A thoughtful frown graced his lips, and then he shrugged. “We have the museum until midnight. We could just wander for a bit.”

Your eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and you tugged on his sleeve, your excitement palpable. “I’ve always wanted to be in a museum when no one’s around at night! Oh my god, Spencer, it’s just like Night at the Museum!”

He quirked a brow, and a sly smirk turned up the corners of his mouth. “Does that mean I have to protect you when the dinosaur skeletons come to life?”

You scoffed, “Please, we both know that I’d be the one protecting you.”

Another devolution into giggling. It seemed to be your thing tonight.

“Fair enough.” 

“Also, do we get to keep all of these plants?” His eyes remained glued to your flushed face as you peered around the room. He wasn’t ashamed to admit just how besotted he was, shamelessly beaming at his fiancée. 

“I bought them for you, so yeah.”

“Sick! Our apartment’s gonna turn into a little greenhouse!”

He extended a crooked arm to you, to which you looped yours in his and proceeded to set off on your museum adventure. You learned your head on his shoulder as you walked, completely and perfectly and incandescently happy.

“Hey, Spence?”

“Yes, dear?”

“I love you very much.”

“I love you too, dear.”