#THE MYSTERY VERSE OF THIS TOWN IS BACK!!!! god bless

[carcarrot]

NPR TINY DESK CONCERT LEAVES 7 DEAD 21 INJURED

[journeying-through-the-bible]

Matthew 1:1–17: The Incarnate God

The Bible will change you. So, let’s study it.

The New Testament opens with these words, “The book of the genealogy of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham.” (Matthew 1:1)

Three thing stick out.

Jesus had a genealogy.

Jesus is the son of David

Jesus is the son of Abraham

Jesus had a genealogy

A genealogy is a line of descent traced continuously through an ancestor. Precisely what we read in verses one through seventeen is Jesus and his genealogy.

It’s often cited the mixture of Jesus’s genealogy. For example, Rahab (v.5) was a prostitute. That’s not exactly what you expect to find in God’s lineage.

But the most startlingly fact is that Jesus has a genealogy. In other parts of the Bible, Jesus is described as the “Word” (John 1:1). This implies his infiniteness. How can the infinite God have a finite familial history?

Jesus does. It highlights the fact he was human.

Martin Luther said, “The mystery of the humanity of Christ, that he sunk himself into our flesh, is beyond all human understanding.”

The humanity of Jesus is not something we can comprehend, it is “beyond” us. But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have great theological implications that apply to us.

For example, the incarnate Christ reveals the will of the Father.

Jesus said, “For I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment — what to say and what to speak.” (John 12:49)

It’s only because Jesus became human that we can know the full and complete revelation of God.

Jesus becoming human makes God imminent. Jesus makes God personably knowable. John 1:18 says, “No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made him known.”

Jesus makes God known.

Unlike other world religions that have a transcendental and untouchable God, the God of Christianity is fully revealed through his incarnate son.

David Jeremiah sums up an important point when he says, “Only by being both deity and humanity could Jesus Christ bridge the gap between where God is.”

A startling truth in the very first book and in the very first verse of the New Testament is that God bridged the gap. Heaven flooded earth. But even more startling is that heaven flooded earth through a genealogy.

Jesus is the son of David

To be honest, I’m not sure what the author is directly intending here, but I would assume it has to do with prophecy that the messiah would come from the royal lineage. I wanted to throw that out before I looked it up.

Here’s a few facts from a trusted source

God promised David that his throne would be established forever. (2 Samuel 7:12–13)

The term “son of David” was a messianic title. When Jesus did miracles the crowds wondered if he was the “son of David” (Matthew 12:23)

Jesus was called the “son of David” during the triumphal entry. (Matthew 21:9)

Jesus was born in Bethlehem which was the town of David. (Matthew 2:1–2)

The term seems to imply a connection between being the messiah and also the long-awaited king. What Matthew is saying in this verse is that Jesus is in fact the messiah and the king promised by God to David.

The son of Abraham

Again, this seems cryptic to me. I would say being the son of Abraham goes back to the promise that God gave Abraham that (and I paraphrase) ‘his descendants will be greater than the stars in the sky?’

Here’s a citation from an article I found,

God promised Abraham that his descendants would bring blessing to all the nations. God promised David that his descendants would rule over all the nations in peace. Those promises are fulfilled in Jesus. He is that one descendant of Abraham who will completely fulfill God’s promise to bring blessing to the world.

Jesus is the promised blessing to the whole world.

Through the centuries

The opening of Matthew has quite the backstory. Millenniums have unfolded and the rugged up and down story of Israel has found its climax. The savior is born.

An application I thought of is this: there’s a bunch of nobodies in a list that can lead to a great somebody.

Or, there’s a lot of pain, history and heartache that can lead to a lot of good.

God wants to use you in all your flaws to point people back to Jesus. He has come. As John 1:5 famously says, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

Jesus didn’t lose. And since he didn’t, you won’t either.

[tpanan]

My Saturday Daily Blessings

September 17, 2022

Be still quiet your heart and mind, the LORD is here, loving you talking to you...........    

Saturday of the Twenty-fourth Week in Ordinary Time (Roman Rite Calendar) Lectionary 448, Cycle C

First Reading: 1 Corinthians 15:35-37, 42-49

Brothers and sisters: Someone may say, “How are the dead raised? With what kind of body will they come back?”You fool! What you sow is not brought to life unless it dies. And what you sow is not the body that is to be but a bare kernel of wheat, perhaps, or of some other kind.

So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown corruptible; it is raised incorruptible. It is sown dishonorable; it is raised glorious. It is sown weak; it is raised powerful. It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual one.

So, too, it is written, “The first man, Adam, became a living being,” the last Adam a life-giving spirit. But the spiritual was not first; rather the natural and then the spiritual.

The first man was from the earth, earthly; the second man, from heaven. As was the earthly one, so also are the earthly, and as is the heavenly one, so also are the heavenly. Just as we have borne the image of the earthly one, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly one.

Responsorial Psalm: Psalm 56:10c-12, 13-14

"I will walk in the presence of God, in the light of the living."

Verse before the Gospel: Luke 8:15

R: Alleluia, Alleluia

"Blessed are they who have kept the word with a generous heart and yield a harvest through perseverance."

R: Alleluia, Alleluia

**Gospel: Luke 8:4-15

When a large crowd gathered, with people from one town after another journeying to Jesus, he spoke in a parable. “A sower went out to sow his seed. And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path and was trampled, and the birds of the sky ate it up. Some seed fell on rocky ground, and when it grew, it withered for lack of moisture. Some seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew with it and choked it. And some seed fell on good soil, and when it grew, it produced fruit a hundredfold.”

After saying this, he called out, “Whoever has ears to hear ought to hear.” Then his disciples asked him what the meaning of this parable might be. He answered, “Knowledge of the mysteries of the Kingdom of God has been granted to you; but to the rest, they are made known through parables so that they may look but not see, and hear but not understand.

“This is the meaning of the parable. The seed is the word of God. Those on the path are the ones who have heard, but the Devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts that they may not believe and be saved. Those on rocky ground are the ones who, when they hear, receive the word with joy, but they have no root; they believe only for a time and fall away in time of temptation.

As for the seed that fell among thorns, they are the ones who have heard, but as they go along, they are choked by the anxieties and riches and pleasures of life, and they fail to produce mature fruit. But as for the seed that fell on rich soil, they are the ones who, when they have heard the word, embrace it with a generous and good heart, and bear fruit through perseverance.”

Meditation:

How good are you at listening, especially for the word of God? God is always ready to speak to each of us and to give us understanding of his word. Jesus' parable of the sower is aimed at the hearers of his word. There are different ways of accepting God's word and they produce different kinds of fruit accordingly. There is the prejudiced hearer who has a shut mind. Such a person is unteachable and blind to the things of God. Then there is the shallow hearer who fails to think things out or think them through; such a person lacks spiritual depth. They may initially respond with an emotional fervor; but when it wears off their mind wanders to something else.

Does God's word for you go in one ear and out the other? Another type of hearer is the person who has many interests and cares, but who lacks the ability to hear and understand what is truly important. Such a person is for ever too busy to pray and to listen and reflect on God's word because he or she allows other things to occupy their mind and heart. Whose voice or message gets the most attention from you - the voice of the world with its many distractions or the voice of God who wishes to speak his word of love and truth with you each and every day?

A receptive heart and mind that listens attentively Jesus compares the third type of hearer with the good soil that is ready to receive the seed of his word so it can take root and grow, and produce good fruit. A receptive heart and open mind are always ready to hear what God wants to teach us through his word. The "ears of their heart" and the "eyes of their mind" search out the meaning of God's word for them so that it may grow and produce good fruit in their lives. They hear with a listening ear and teachable spirit (Isaiah 50:4-5) that wants to learn and understand the intention of God's word for them. They strive to tune out the noise and distractions of the world around them so they can give their attention to God's word and find nourishment in it. They listen in order to understand.

God's word has power to change and transform each one of us if we receive it with trust (a believing heart) and allow it to take root in our inner being (the depths of our heart, mind, and soul). God's word is our daily food to nourish and strengthen us on our journey of faith to his everlasting kingdom. Do you hunger for God's word?

Lord Jesus, faith in your word is the way to wisdom, and to ponder your divine plan is to grow in the truth. Open my eyes to your deeds, and my ears to the sound of your call, that I may understand your will for my life and live according to it.

Sources:

Lectionary for Mass for use in the Dioceses of the United States, second typical edition, copyright (c) 2001, 1998, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine; Psalm refrain (c) 1968, 1981, 1997, international committee on english in the liturgy, Inc All rights reserved. Neither this work nor any part of it may be reproduced, distributed, performed or displayed in any medium, including electronic or digital, without permission in writing from the copyright owner

**Meditations may be freely reprinted and translated into other languages for non-profit use only. Please cite copyright and original source. Copyright 2021 Daily Scripture Readings and Meditation, dailyscripture.net author Don Schwager

[seekfirst-community]

"SINCE NO MAN IS EXCLUDED FROM CALLING UPON GOD, THE GATE OF SALVATION IS OPEN TO ALL. THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO HINDER US FROM ENTERING, BUT OUR OWN UNBELIEF." (JOHN CALVIN).

"Jesus began to reproach the towns where most of his mighty deeds had been done, since they had not repented. “Woe to you, Chorazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida! For if the mighty deeds done in your midst had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would long ago have repented in sackcloth and ashes." (Matthew 11: 20.... 24).

Tuesday 12th July 2022, of the 15th Week of Ordinary Time.

In our key Scripture for today, Jesus taught that those who have received more are expected to give back more. They are expected to produce more fruits. They should make more saints and send out more missionaries. Chorazin and Bethsaida received more of Jesus teaching and miracles. But both cities were obstinate when it comes to belief and repentance. Their hardness of heart is caused by UNBELIEF.

Why was Jesus stern in His reproach of Chorazin and Bethsaida?

The citizens of both cities locked up their hearts in unbelief. Unbelief is very dangerous. Look around the society today and see for yourself what unbelief can produce. Where there is unbelief, there will be no repentance. Unbelief is like autism which they say is incurable. It may well be the Sin of Unbelief that make some Christian theologians like St Augustine postulate a belief in predestination. Without repentance one cannot be saved. Unbelievers have no time for repentance. For example,

robbers who are caught red-handed on camera have sworn that they are innocent. This is the result of Unbelief. By their fruits you will know them.

Brethren, we are Chorazin. We are Bethsaida. Let us come before Jesus in humility and have our sins washed away in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. The merciful love of Jesus is waiting to give us a new mind and a new heart.

"If souls understood what treasures of love are freely given to those who approach Me in the Sacrament of My love, My churches would be filled day and night, and unable to contain the multitudes drawn to them. But the Evil One has schemed and plotted to cover the mystery of My presence with a dark veil of neglect, of irreverence, of forgetfulness, and of unbelief. He has obscured the mystery of My real presence, and so My faithful, beginning with My priests, have walked away from Me, one after the other, even as they did when first I spoke plainly of Myself as the living Bread come down from heaven to give life to the world." (IN SINU JESU page 226).

"If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts."

7. 12. July = The Most Precious Blood of Jesus Month.

“I adore You, O Precious Blood of Jesus, flower of creation, fruit of virginity, ineffable instrument of the Holy Spirit, and I rejoice at the thought that You came from the drop of virginal blood on which eternal Love impressed its movement; You were assumed by the Word and deified in His person. I am overcome with emotion when I think of Your passing from the Blessed Virgin’s heart into the heart of the Word, and, being vivified by the breath of the Divinity, becoming adorable because You became the Blood of God.” (St Albert the Great).

Daily Bible Verse @  SeekFirstcommunity.com

[daggerandrose]

Happy 28th everyone! We’re a month into Louis’ tour and we’re not only being blessed with content from him, but also blessed with amazing fics!

As always, please give kudos/comments on these fics. Writers crave them. I can totally vouch for that.

Larry fics:

💕 babydoll blues, 111.5k by @thedevilinmybrain

Louis is a high profile, filthy rich label executive who has the world at his feet - a music god.. Harry is the sugar baby trying to make a name for himself singing in shady bars and hanging off the arm of Louis' biggest rival. What Louis wants, Louis gets. But what if the game gets too hot and hits a little too close to the heart?

💕 I Can Be Your Vice, 3.1k by @littleroverlouis

It could be his innate flight or fight instincts kicking in. His predator is closing in and he is the prey. Fear would be a rational response.

After all, there is a centuries old vampire standing directly behind him.

“You’re ahead of schedule, Louis.”

Or Harry and Louis are FWBB (friends with bloodsucking benefits)

💕 Full Moon Dreaming, 43.2k by @jacaranda-bloom

Every month, Full Moon Dreaming reveals a person’s soulmate. Sometimes it’s an object or a place, or for the lucky ones, the love of their life.

Louis has given up hope of dreaming of a person, resigned to living a life devoid of that kind of all-consuming love for another and receiving the same in return.

But when a new neighbour descends on Louis’ beloved Hanson Bay and moves into the other beach house, could all that be about to change?

💕 Opulence Thrills, 68.8k by @brightgolden

“You know, it’s my first time bidding-”

“Bidding on people?” Harry supplies.

Louis snickers as he shakes his head, a small smile playing on his perfectly shaped lips. “You could say that, yeah.”

OR

Where a well-versed submissive, Harry Styles has spent eighteen months in BDSM abstinence after an irreconcilable difference in kink preferences with his ex-dom, and a random winner for a charity auction might just be the one who brings him back.

💕 Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover, 6.7k by @lovingstheantidote

Harry laughs. He actually giggles until Louis sucks behind his ear and surprisingly turns that giggle into a little moan. And oh, god, does Louis want to make him do that again.

“Pasta shape, Harold. Sure you’ve got one yeah?” More tiny breathy kisses. Warm air on Harry’s long neck. He feels Harry smiling as he switches sides. He thinks about all the other long parts of Harry’s body. Will he get to touch them, get to suck them too?

or

Louis is infatuated by the hot new pasta chef. He gets so much more than just dinner.

💕 Come In and Change My Life, 12.1k by @lightwoodsmagic

He’d had the same neighbours since he’d moved into the building, a lovely, wealthy couple in their late sixties who had always invited him around for tea on Sundays. Martha had dropped off homemade biscuits the day he’d moved in, so Harry figured he may as well repeat the sentiment.

He could hear someone getting closer to the door just as a flush ran through his body; oh fuck. His heat was close, too close to be knocking on a potentially unknown alpha’s door, but it was too late. The door swung open, and Harry’s mouth dropped.

He’d never been overly interested in football, couldn’t find the fascination in watching men run around after a ball for hours aside from their uniforms, but he knew who this was.

Louis Tomlinson, alpha, captain of Manchester United, star in a number of Harry’s heat addled fantasies, was his new next-door neighbour.

Or, Harry and Louis become friends when Harry looks after Louis' cat during away games, until one night at a party changes everything between them. It's just a shame Louis' going to be away for the FIFA World Cup for three months.

💕 some evening in springtime, 20.7k by @eeveelou

Fresh out of veterinary school, Louis moves to a sleepy small town in Texas to take over the local animal clinic. But his new life is quickly interrupted by a middle aged rancher with a bad leg and a mysterious past, who really needs Louis's yoga skills.

💕 Cooking with Style, 11.5k by @mizzhydes

For the last eight years Louis Tomlinson has been the afternoon radio host during the week on BBC Radio 1. A last minute emergency arises and he has to take over for his colleague, Nick Grimshaw, just minutes before his special guest is set to be interviewed.

Only when he steps into the studio does he find out he's interviewing the multitalented Harry Styles, who's there to promote his most recent project — and who also happens to be Louis’ secret celebrity crush. All he has to do is keep it together on air and then he's out of the woods. Or is he?

💕 Lost in Your Paradise, 6.3k by @sadaveniren

“To the alpha I fucked at the Ziam concert, I think this is yours.”

aka Harry and Louis have a one night stand.

💕 Magical Mishaps and Malfunctions, 16.5k by @tomlinbuns

It's a magical meet cute, y'all :) This particular potion includes lots of: "Louis being an idiot" ,"Harry being an idiot but maybe not as much?" and "mutual pining"! I hope you like it!

Sterek fics:

💕 A Wild Heart’s Desire, 13.4k by @mad-madam-m

If there's one thing Stiles Stilinski knows, it's that Deputy Derek Hale absolutely Does Not Like him. The only reason Derek even tolerates him is because their kids are worryingly codependent.

So Stiles is understandably confused when a very feral Derek shows up in his backyard after a call gone wrong and proceeds to move in with him.

💕 The Distress Call, 95.6k by tiniestawoo

“Beacon Hills Sheriff, Stilinski speaking.”

“Hey Mr. Stilinski.” Scott says, the words sounding foreign in his mouth. “Can I uh – ask you a question?”

“Scott please, I’ve told you, call me John. But sure, what’s up?” The area around the Sheriff is quiet, he must be at home, or they’re having a slow night at the station.

“Do you know…if Derek Hale has a mate?” He asks, still not really sure why he cares. Derek hadn’t been in his pack for the last 7 years. But still – that call had been a cry for help, and if Scott could help, he wanted to.

John Stilinski stopped breathing for a minute, Scott could tell. “Why, Scott? Why do you need to know that?” He finally asked.

“There was some kind of werewolf distress call. It was from pretty far away. I think it was Derek. I don’t know how I know this, but it’s basically a request for help, because a mate is hurt or dying?”

The Sheriff hangs up on Scott.

--

Or, the one where Stiles and Derek are mated, and the pack moves back to California, only kind of informs the McCall pack, and then Stiles gets kidnapped and almost killed.

💕 The Soul Knows What the Heart Wants, 163.7k by @isthatbloodonhisshirt

“Holy—shit,” Stiles breathed, Bacon stopping in what he was doing, still staring at him intently, as if begging him to understand, for someone to finally understand. Stiles felt like he’d been electrocuted and he leapt out of his chair, kneeling in front of Bacon and grabbing at his furry face. “Holy shit! Oh my God, are you—wait, holy—you’re not fucking with me, right?!”

Bacon let out two quick barks, which Stiles chose to interpret as ‘no.’

“Oh my God, are you a real person in there?!” Stiles shouted in the wolf’s face, staring him right in the eye. He was still holding the wolf’s head with both hands, but Bacon dipped his muzzle in confirmation and Stiles officially lost his mind.

“Oh my God!” he shouted again, releasing Bacon to clutch at his own hair. “Oh my God! Dude, for real?! You’re—holy shit! Holy shit!” He didn’t know how to react to this news. He had no fucking idea how to react. This was a person?! But how?! How was this a person?! People didn’t just turn into wolves!

[porschekittisawasds]

simply cannot believe i made a supernatural fic rec list in the year 2020 but here we are

When Worlds Collide

When Zachariah dies, the illusions he’s created die with him.  But before they collapse completely, sometimes they collide. That’s how Castiel goes from cradling Dean Winchester’s broken body one moment, to finding himself face to face with Dean Smith in the next.

note: basically endverse!cas’s world collapses right after endverse!dean is killed by lucifer and he gets thrown into the it’s a terrible life verse. drama and love and a whole lot of fuckery ensue. it’s tagged as major character death but it’s not really

Broadway Musical

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.

The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.

note: an AU where dean and jo are destined to fall in love and have two sons who will bring on the apocalypse and be the vessels for michael and lucifer. only problem is cupid’s arrows don’t make them fall in love with each other and heaven promptly starts freaking the fuck out so cas slips into a vessel and tries to do some matchmaking to get the whole end of the world thing back on track. it’s tagged as unrepentant crack and that pretty much sums it up, but it’s also a very funny and enjoyable read

a turn of the earth

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

note: listen i LOVE a good time travel fic

How (thanks to Gabriel) Dean and Castiel (accidentally) raised each other (and Sam)

In which, Gabriel meddles with the time line and Castiel becomes Dean's angel rather sooner than intended.

note: after lucifer stabs gabriel in hammer of the gods, gabriel uses his very last bit of grace to travel back to the beginning of time and decree castiel the angel of thursdays and dean winchester. fast forward a few eons and castiel hears mary’s dying cry. he shows up too late to save her, but he decides that a human life is very short in the grand scheme of things so he can play guardian angel to dean (and by extension sam) while also fulfilling his duties to heaven. not only is this pretty much my favorite supernatural fic, it’s also one of my favorite fics in general

The Shattered One

When it struck Castiel, he was in mid-flight. It dropped him out of the sky like a sparrow buffeted by gale-force winds. Castiel set down the first place he could find. He ended up standing in a field in Switzerland, swaying on his feet and staring down at his body, dazed by what it had just done.

note: okay so listen. this is tagged as mpreg but that’s kind of a stretch imo. it’s not like... mpreg mpreg in the sense that it deals with angel reproduction and has nothing to do with sex or pregnancy. angel reproduction goes like this: a section of an angel’s grace will suddenly and randomly break off and begin to grow on it’s own. after a certain period of time, another angel has to offer a piece of their grace and the two pieces will combine to form a new angel. that new angel is a fully developed, fully functional angel and is considered a new brother/sister instead of an offspring.

cas’s grace shatters which means he’s fucked because this takes place in season 5 after he’s defied heaven. no other angel will offer up a piece of their grace so his own is basically going to rip itself apart, killing him in the process. when dean and sam find out cas is going to die, dean offers up part of his soul in place of another angel’s grace. what results is a new angel that has just enough human in it that it takes the shape of a human baby and sends pretty much all of their lives into a tailspin.

ALSO just a heads up this is definitely more pre-destiel despite the relationship tag. there’s a sequel where im pretty sure they do get together but i haven’t read it so i cant’s say for sure.

Kiss You When It’s Dangerous

When his partner Uriel, betrays him, Federal Agent Castiel Novak is saved from becoming a ritual sacrifice by brothers Dean and Sam Winchester.

note: FBI!cas gets thrown headfirst into the supernatural. tagged as major character death, but again it’s not really

My Roots Take Flight

After forty years in Hell, Dean’s more than willing to accept the offer: become a guardian angel and earn his freedom. But his new ward seems destined to hunt alongside Sam, and there are secrets in Heaven that the angels don’t want found out. Dean’s going to have to choose between his duty and the people he loves- and to work out just where Castiel fits in.

note: season 4 au where dean is an angel and cas is a human except it’s way more complicated than that

Peace and Good Luck To All Men

Christmas in the Milton household was difficult enough without the added complication of guests- and if Luke and Gabriel placing bets on who can get with Sam first wasn’t bad enough, then Cas developing a ridiculous crush on his sister’s boyfriend definitely is. 

note: the one where michael, lucifer luke, gabriel, anna and cas are all human siblings but michael and lucifer luke are still trying to kill each other, gabriel is still Like That and cas is still super into dean which is pretty inconvenient considering he’s with anna.

Asunder

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Matthew 19:6) 

note: it’s been a very long time since i read this, but from what i remember it’s an AU where they’re all human and dean brings his friend/co-worker cas as his “date” to sam and ruby’s wedding for moral support. when sam was in college, he met ruby and they started using drugs together. after several failed attempts at helping him get clean, dean eventually cut sam off and it’s been years since they’ve spoken. even though sam and ruby are now both sober, dean blames ruby for everything that happened and the only reason he’s even going to the wedding is because bobby and ellen basically force him to. again, it’s been years and years since i read this so i can’t remember a lot of the details, but i do know that despite this being a dean/cas fic a lot of the focus is dean rebuilding his relationship with sam and that’s what i remember really liking about it.

Hanged, Drawn, and Quartered

Death brings Sam back — sort of.

note: a general fic involving only sam and dean. sam’s soul is so damaged from its time in the cage that when death brings it back, it shatters into pieces and so does sam. like literally. there’s four different sams now, each representing a distinctive part of his personality. sounds cracky but it’s actually surprisingly angsty and focuses on how the sams and dean are adjusting to their new reality and each other

Point Pleasant

(okay so this fic was deleted but i’m putting in on here anyway because the author has since turned it into a novel and had it published. im sure old pdfs of the fic are floating around but i highly recommend reading the novel version. if you know it was based on a destiel fic then it’s really easy to see those influences in the writing and the characters but it can stand up on it’s own. also!!!! it has pretty much the coolest take on the mothman’s origin story that i’ve ever heard.)

Ben Wisehart (Dean Winchester) grew up in the idyllic town of Point Pleasant, West Virginia. An early encounter with the supernatural shaped his worldview and served as the catalyst for his career as a bestselling horror writer. Thirteen years after abandoning his home, Ben returns to the town to investigate the apparent reemergence of the terrifying creature responsible for his childhood nightmares. In Point Pleasant, Ben is confronted not only by the town’s resident monster, the Mothman, but also by his former best friend, Sheriff Nicholas Nolan (Cas Novak). Together, Ben and Nicholas (Dean and Cas) uncover the mystery of the monster in the woods and discover that the ghosts that haunt us are sometimes made of flesh and blood. And sometimes, they lead us home.

Sympathy for the Devil (and Dean Winchester)

this is not so much a rec as it is a request.

basically an au version of season 5 (and kind of the whole series really). when god cast lucifer out of heaven, he tore out his grace. lucifer’s grace was put into the cage, but lucifer himself fell to earth and spent thousands and thousands of years reincarnating as a human. his latest reincarnation? dean winchester. so when sam opens the cage, lucifer’s grace is released and dean realizes that he’s lucifer. part of him still kind of wants to start the apocalypse but the other part of him has a whole new appreciation for humanity considering he now remembers every human life he’s ever lived. it’s made more complicated by the fact that dean (/lucifer) doesn’t really want to tell anyone that he’s apparently the devil so he has to keep his now angel status on the dl and also because despite heaven wanting the apocalypse to start, michael went missing from heaven shortly after lucifer was cast out and no one has any idea where he’s at.

this fic was deleted, but if anyone happens to have a pdf copy let me know. i would be highly appreciative!

[dailyaudiobible]

04/01/2021 DAB Transcript

Deuteronomy 18:1-20:20, Luke 9:28-50, Psalms 73:1-28, Proverbs 12:10

Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m China today is the first day of April welcome. If you are unfamiliar with my voice. I’m China. There’s a start. I am Brian and Jill's daughter. For the past three years I was the voice of the Daily Audio Bible Chronological and I stepped away this year because any day now I’m havin’ a baby. So, gosh it's so good to be here to fill in for my dad. And I mean, it’s kind of Daily Audio Bible tradition to do a little something different on April Fools' Day. And there's…there’s no tricks, it's just me. But it's…it's good to be here with you guys and just to give a little check in and say all is well with me, and baby, and with my husband Ben. We are super blessed by the Lord and just waiting in pure anticipation for our little girl to get here any day that she wants to. April is our due month so we will…we will see when that will be to. So, I have the honor of getting to read with you guys today. Today we  are in the book of Deuteronomy with chapters 18 through 20, the book of Luke chapter 19 starting in verse 28 going to 50, Psalm 73, and Proverbs 12:10 and this week we are in the Contemporary English Version.

Commentary:

Wow, I really love Proverbs today. That’s so good. There is a dog rescue in the town that I live in that is based off of this Scripture. I remember looking it up once and reading this Scripture. So, that is…its profound…it's in God's word. He…he’s saying be kind to my animals. Don't be mean. Don’t be cruel. I made them. I love them. It's so fun reading a different reading plan because really for the past…I mean this the DAB Chronological's fourth year in existence but...so I read it for three years and the year before that I was doing Daily Audio Bible teens and I had experimented, like that was the year to experiment with a new reading plan and I tested out the chronological and fell in love with it. And, so, reading this way is…is very different going from the Old Testament and then jumping into the New Testament and reading Proverbs and Psalms I…I love that. I’m always drawn into the stories of Jesus with His people because it just makes Him feel so much more close and real and even the things that you believing about Him that may or may not be in the fullness of who He is, when your reading the Scripture your Spirit is coming face-to-face with “this is the truth.” And even if you don't believe it, guess what, it's still the truth. And, so, reading about the true glory of Jesus. Like, have you ever been with someone and they’re just like praying and you’re in the room with them and then they turn white? Not only dos their face change but what they were wearing before isn’t what they're wearing now and their shining white. Like, that’s never happened to me so I'm sure Peter, John, and James were all like, “okay. Something insane is happening right now and we are in the true glory of Jesus.” Like, that's amazing and I'm not sure if they really fully grasped that until maybe after His death and they were trying to remember all the…the times that they had with Jesus that they were trying to recall and recount. Like, remember that one time we were all with…you know…it was me and the other two people…whoever’s telling the story and like the fullness of Jesus's glory was upon us? That's…that’s truly like…there isn’t a word for it. It just kinda gives you a little bit of envy, if anything. Like, wow, that’s…that’s what I want to encounter Lord. That’s what I want to be with you in. And here’s the sweet reality is, that’s available to us. that wasn’t just for those three. It's available for all of us. The good news is that He sent us His son, the Lord sent us His son and then after He ascended back into heaven, He gave us His Spirit. So, not only were we set for life but now we’re like really set. When I really start thinking about all those things the week of holy week, which I know that's what we’re in right now. And, so, there's always a lot of emotions that get brought up in my heart just because it's to be reverence, it’s to be revered and held in…in wonder and awe and also just like, man I just don't understand like totally everything that went down but I’m in the mystery of it and I’m in the wonder and the awe of it and I’m learning about who Jesus is and I’m reading about people testifying to the true glory of Jesus. And as if that wasn't like wild enough they…they, you know, like the next day Jesus is healing this little boy and He's addressing people's faith and He's addressing people's humility and wondering why they want to be the greatest and it all is just pointing back to His character, His heart, who He knows He is and what He believes the Father sent Him to do. And I love these stories. I love reading the Old Testament because it really sets you up for understanding that we needed a savior genuinely and we still actively do. And then when we jump into the New Testament and we read about who Jesus is, man I don't know how you can't read these stories and not just completely fall in love with Him because of His kindness because of His is nature because of the authority that He just carried. He didn't need to prove it by being the loudest in the room or by barking certain things. He just was who He was and that was enough. And, so, while we’re in holy week as we come to kind of an end where…where it's like the weekend eve, I like to call it, man may we just really posture our hearts well. We don't have to whip ourselves into some emotions that aren't real, that we’re not like really feeling, but maybe be present and attentive with what is going on in our hearts, what are these emotions that are coming up. And I encourage you just to really read through the scripture that talks about Jesus, His last week, the holy week and allow yourself to really have that wonder and awe. And it's okay if you don’t fully understand everything. Jesus constantly says, “let the little children come to me.” And that’s how we’re supposed to come to Him. And guess what, kids, they don't always super understand everything the first times it’s said to them. And, so, I don't think that the Lord is expecting that you would just totally grasp everything the first time that you hear it or the third time that you hear it. Like He’s patient with us. He understands the human mind and the human heart. He created it.

Prayer:

Father, I just thank You that You are for us. Your word today told us that there are more for us than there are against us, that someone is for us. And I just thank You that You are for us. I thank You so much that that’s the sweet truth and a suite reality, that You are for us, You love us. I thank You that in our conversation this past week talking about how this is Your week You reminded me that this week is for me, it's for us. That's exactly why You did it, is for us. And Lord I just thank You for the beautiful and sweet truth is, that You didn't just come and live a great story and do great things, but You left a great legacy and then You sent us Your spirit and said that we could do even greater works than You. And, so, we just are attentive of our heats, we’re attentive of our minds and we take every thought captive, and we make it obedient to Christ and we choose to be present with You. And as our minds wander may we softly bring them back to You. Lord, I pray that we wouldn’t miss the things of this week, that we celebrate in reverence and honor what happened 2000 years ago. And may we hold this this week in true holy reverence for who You are because You are more than deserving and we thank You for who You are Lord. And it’s in Your name we pray. Amen.

Announcements:

Well, this was so fun. It was so good to be back and reading and man this is like, when…when do I get to come back? I love this and I’ve so enjoyed getting to step in for the day. Like I said, no jokes, no fooling here. Just wanted to come on and thank you all for praying for me and my family as our lives are totally about to change. And, gosh, I'm waiting in anticipation and wonder and awe and trying to come in childlike faith and not have it all figured out, parenthood or even just trying to know when she's coming. That's been the hard part. But we trust the Lord and that’s where our trust and hope is in and just believing for wholeness and health of our family and over our sweet one. And, you know, once she's born, who knows, maybe I'll come back on and be able to have her in my arms instead of kicking me the whole time I’m reading. She is very, very active and was kicking the whole time during reading. So, it’ll be fun to come on and just share her birth story and maybe she’ll make like a little coo or cute little noise or something…I don’t know. I won’t put that expectation on her. But yes, this…this was sweet. Thank you for letting me into your homes or your cars or your workplaces and reading with you. This was definitely a treat for me.

That is all for today. I’m China you. You are so so loved. I will not be waiting here for you tomorrow. Your regularly scheduled program will resume tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi, my name is Crystal I've been listening to the Daily Audio Bible app for about two years, and this is the first time that I've ever called in. So, I would like to say that I would like to have prayer in my life. Just feel like a little bit of a failure with…with my kids lately. I just feel like a little bit. My son turns 18 tomorrow and he's no longer living at my house with my husband and myself due to him deciding to keep lying to us and breaking the house rules and smoking weed in the house and vaping in the house. And we have other children in the home to think of. So, it's been hard to deal with not having him here and then just…I don't think it really hit me how hard that was going to be on me as his mother. I really don't. But just something happened yesterday, and I really ended up kind of hurting my daughter's feelings and been struggling with guilt about it since last night and I think it's kind of been building what’s been going on with my son and I…well my son and the family, not being here, and just more than I think I realized. And I felt like it's kind of been dammed up and now that it's kind of broken with me realizing I hurt my daughter’s feelings last night it just really upset me, and I've been just crying on and off today about it. Just feel…

Hey, my glorious precious DAB family this is Kingdom Seeker Daniel. In the words of the great Victoria Soldier, I'd like to pray for some of the DABbers beginning with miss Victoria Soldier. So, family let's pray. Father I lift up our sister your daughter Victoria Soldier as she has a sister-in-law in Germany that is battling some illness and not feeling well. God, we pray that you will be the balm in Germany for this…this sister-in-law and be with a nephew that is incarcerated and having a tough battle of life. Lord would you show up where this young man is and allow him to hear your voice? And God would you begin to restore on both sides or the sister-in-law with her physical health and then for the nephew with his emotional health. And then for Rob Still Worship Dude in Nashville. Man of God I so appreciate you. The first time I've heard you call in you just you blessed my soul, and my wife Lady of Victory is in her doctoral program. And, so, I kind of know how you feel just watching her go through. So, I pray that the Lord will strengthen you he would surround you, he would allow you to catch up on your doctoral assignments and also he would favor you with that contract…that independent contract that you got going on. And I’m believing that God is causing all things to work together for your good because I know you love Him as a worship dude. And then DABber Danny, lifting up Micah. Lord be with Micah, continue to strengthen and reveal Yourself to him, save him, and do a work in his life in Jesus’ name. Love you family.

Hello DABbers, this is Sandy up in Ontario I've been listening for about 6 years and just introduced this to my friend, my new friend Jill. Can you say hello Jill? Hello. Anyways, we'd like you to pray for Jill's family and her daughters. Pray protections over her daughters, especially her older daughter. It’s kind of private what's occurring but you understand what can happen over the Internet and things do occur. So, we just ask prayer over this entire family and we pray for protection, especially over her older daughter named A. And we ask you also to a blessing over Jill herself that she would be held up by Jesus and that God would simply hold her when the boat rocks. And we thank you so much for Daily Audio Bible Brian and for your family and for the music and everything that you guys do. And we ask you all to have a beautiful, blessed day. Amen.

Good morning DAB this is Mommy's Little Rock from Arkansas. I'm calling today to ask for prayers. A few months ago, I lost my mom in December and it's been tough. It's been hard. God has really been giving me the strength to go through each day, but I've had a lot of anxiety, a lot of fear of approaching life without my mom. It's a weird world without my mom. I'm just asking for prayer to help me to continue on feeling like I can endure this life without her. There are so many things I have to do. I was working on a book and my mom knew about it and I just don't have the desire to complete it. I don't have the desire to do any of my goals any of the things that I know I should do. So, I just ask you all to pray for me and to pray that I continue being strong. I have great family and support and friends and people that my mom left behind to pray for us. But it's not like mom, you know? So, I appreciate and love you all. Thank you. Bye-bye.

OK. I just…this is Beloved in Texas and I just want to share a little bit with you so that you can laugh at my expense but also along with me. And Brian feel free to not post this if you feel like this is inapropes but I just want you all…I just felt the need to share a story to make people laugh. So, I'm sitting at work. I work from home and about to go into a virtual meeting and I’d had a rumbly tummy that day and I thought, well, this is just gas. So, I go to release the gas. Turns out to be much more substantial than gas so I'm sitting there with more than gas and my meeting starts. I had to sit through the meeting in my own mess and pretend everything was OK before I could get up and go take a shower after that meeting was over. That was awful and I laughed so hard at myself because I thought, “what in the world? What is wrong with you? You're a grown person, you hold the job, you pay bills and here you are messing in your own pants.” But I just wanted to share that stupid funny embarrassing story because just because sometimes I think we all just need to laugh and feel free to laugh at me because I was laughing at myself. You all be blessed. I love you. I love hearing from you every day, and I listened to the community prayer and encouragement every week and I'm praying along with all of you and celebrating along with all of you. You all have a wonderful, good rest of the day.

[mysteriousgoldentriangle]

ok but like do u have fic recs yourself? like the BEST fics that you've read

Like I said previously, it's been years since I've properly read billdip. These are just some that i remember because i’ve re-read them several times. I’m sure I’m forgetting some. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK I don't know if they’re complete or not

that being said this is a list I recommend in no particular order. I can do my ultimate list for those who are interested. 

1. A Pot of Flowers - An older Dipper and his sister have opened up a tattoo shop in Gravity Falls. Problem is, Mabel has left him to run it for the summer on his own. Now he has to deal with the new shop owner next door and his flower shenanigans.

2. All That Glitters - Cipher is the best dancer anyone's ever seen, men and women flock from cities around to watch him perform. Bill is the most detached neighbor Dipper's ever known. It's difficult to believe that they're the same person.

3. Familiar AU (series) - Dipper's the worst practitioner in his entire family. He's never been great at magic, he's struggling to improve - he doesn't even have a familiar. Maybe it's time to fix that. Dipper makes some mistakes

4. Devil with a Silver Compass - Some called him a rat. Others, the God of Gold. And some... Well, they were either too kind or too thankful. God bless them all, wherever they may be. But this was uncharted territory and all business. And business meant he'd be called Captain Cipher. He gazed about the old musk of the town, wooden and brick shops and worn glass. Children riddled the streets, hoodlums at few corners and finely dressed American ladies followed along their gentlemen, who smoked their fancy cigarettes and scoffed at the sight of the Captain. And quite the sight he was, too...

5. Golden Hills - When Dipper falls for a mysterious stranger, his humdrum life takes an unexpected and dangerous turn. Trapped in a house of ghosts, nightmares, blood, and gold, Dipper can't decide between his own sanity or his new life with a man who may have more than just a skeleton in his closet. Based on the movie Crimson Peak.

6. It's Raining (series) - What's a better present to get on your eighteenth birthday than a surprise engagement and a nine-hour road trip with your great uncle? Oh, wait. Everything. Dipper Pines is eighteen years old and Princeton bound--or he was, until his parents receive a letter in the mail from the Cipher family, submitting an offer for Dipper's hand for their only son, Bill. Now, back in Oregon, he has to deal with a cryptic alpha and a town on the verge of implosion.

7. The Binding - Dipper Pines had thought he was done dealing with Bill Cipher but everything changed when he ended up in that hospital bed.

8. This is your Captain Speaking - There is nothing in the world Dipper enjoys more than the feeling of taking off and the freedom of gliding above endless clouds. Until he meets Captain Cipher for the first time, who with his laid-back attitude and snarky comments is not easy to work with. Despite that, he is drawn to his charm and carefreeness and soon finds himself in a relationship that is not what he had expected.

9. Sleeping through the End of the World - Dipper and Mabel agree to look after the Mystery Shack after defeating Bill Cipher nine years prior when the victim of a car accident appears on their doorstep. Soon they discover the stranger's true identity and intentions but it turns out to be more difficult to get rid of him than they had expected.

10. Leave It Behind - Dipper contracts Bill to get rid of his abusive mate, and Bill agrees on the condition that he gets to pilot the body. While playing the role of a mated pair, Dipper gets more involved in Bill's schemes, and with Bill, than he bargained for.

11. Dead eyes open - In the autumn of millennia, nihilistic teenager, Dipper Pines chases after the opportunity of a lifetime, to have his associative theory of philosophy and depression published in a book as part of his Ph.D. scholarship in the liberal arts. His online presence in the artistic media has hailed him a vanguard of a generation as well, but in actuality, no one knows who he really is. Inspiration hits him in the dirtiest of alleys, the dingiest of parties and the arms of the coldest strangers. Dipper has reached a crux in his 19-year-old life, feeling like nothing has been truly accomplished and that he will never be good enough, always chasing the kind, deep blue eyes that caught him hook line and sinker.

12. To The Damned - Dipper takes his work seriously and when he is allowed the chance at working with Bill Cipher, the mystery of the ABO agency, he is determined not to blow it. But his genetics end up screwing it up for him. [Billdip// A/B/O Verse|| Omega!Dipper Alpha!Bill]

[lilithite]

When Lilith invited me to bite the fruit

This is my personal story with Lilith, not intended as gospel

I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian household in Texas, a state in the Bible belt, in a town of 2,000 people.  My family consisted of my mother and little sister.  We were all very tight knit.  So tight knit, in fact, that my sister and I would walk around the house naked if we felt like it because it was just women in the house and we were all family.  We always went to our Assemblies of God church every Sunday (here is a link to Assemblies of God beliefs to give you an idea of the kind of church it was https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assemblies_of_God_USA), read the Bible, and prayed often.  My mother would get up at 5am every day just to pray for a couple hours.  She made sure we were sheltered from the secular world.  We only listened to the Christian radio stations and our media consumption was monitored.  She even looked through our phones.  Even though I felt naturally drawn to the spiritual, I felt a disconnect from Christianity.

When people would speak in tongues at church I would feel weirded out, then feel guilty about being freaked out because it meant I doubted God’s power.  Even though I was genuinely pious I would never “hear God’s voice” or “felt him” or anything like that.  I have read nearly 90% of the Bible and the verses felt hollow.  I could never become friends with the other kids at church, not because I was snobby, but because I couldn’t relate to them.  When I went to church I would try my hardest to “be in God’s presence” but in the end I would just go through the motions.  I had plenty of biblical knowledge and faith, but it always felt like God just didn’t want to get involved in my life. 

The first truly spiritual moment I ever went through was when I was deer hunting with my dad when I was eleven.  We were in the hunting stand on a clear, crisp fall morning when I saw sun rays breaking through the pine trees and landing on the Earth.  It was like someone hit the on switch for the woods and colors and details revealed themselves. I involuntarily let out a small gasp and instead of chastising me for making noise (he has a short temper), my dad whispered, “That is the sunlight reaching the Earth.”  The emotion that swept over me as a stared at the forest was ineffable.  I remember thinking that this was nothing like I had ever experienced in church.  I had, for the first time, felt connected to a divine force.  Ever since this experience church felt like a parody.  I knew, in my soul, that there was something in nature that was sacred.

When I was a teenager I would question and air my grievances on rules I deemed unfair.  I was labeled sassy and rebellious.  To be clear, I never smoked, drank, partied, or had sex.  Hell, I never even dated or sneaked out.  I just wanted privacy and more freedom.  I wanted to hang out with friends after school.  To be allowed to attend different events without my mom hovering.  My mom and her friend concluded that I had the demon of witchcraft and rebellion inside me and I needed “deliverance,” which is our church’s term for an exorcism.  I had not practiced witchcraft (yet) but according to a demonology class (it was more like a cult) that was sponsored by the preacher’s wife, the demon of rebellion also ruled over witchcraft. The friend came over, grabbed me by the shoulders and shouted for Satan to leave my body.  I was a little confused because I thought it was just a demon possessing me, not the big man himself.  Anyway, she started to shake my shoulders rather hard so I just decided to go along with it and thanked her for getting rid of the demon. At no point did I ever believe I was possessed by a demon, but I was freaked out none the less. 

When I was 18 I was kicked out because of my “rebellious nature” and refusal to take medicine that was forced upon me for a mental illness I was never diagnosed with.  I could either take the mystery medicine and be allowed to stay home, or refuse and get kicked out.  I made my choice and finally bit the forbidden fruit.  For the first time I felt true freedom.  I started to think for myself and form my own opinion on issues.  I became a feminist, pro BLM, pro LGB and a socialist.  When I was living by myself I officially renounced my Christian faith but still felt the spiritual spark I felt that morning in the woods. 

I had always loved to read and since I was no longer chained by Christianity I could check out whatever book I wanted at the local library, which was a regular haunt of mine.  One giant book caught my attention titled, “The Mists of Avalon.”  I want to be clear that this was before I knew of the horrible things that the author did.  At least I was supporting a local library and no profit went to the author by my doing this.  Anyway, I became fascinated by the goddess worship mentioned in the book.  I wasn’t even familiar with goddess worship and knew nothing, but I felt drawn too it.  I started doing research and the first thing I came upon was Wicca.  Wicca seems to be the first thing that many newbie spiritualists come across.  I started practicing witchcraft but nothing ever felt right for me.  I practiced the craft on and off but I eventually let go of Wicca entirely because it just wasn’t for me.  I felt the most connected to goddess worship but the mother goddess and triple goddess archetypes just never felt right for me.  I do not want kids but it seemed like every goddess out there was either about fertility or being a mother figure.  I knew there was a divine female force out there, but I could not find one calling to me.

One night I had a dream.  It was vivid and purple.  I could hear a woman’s voice talking to me, strong, low, firm, and partly terrifying.  I forgot most of what she said except for the last part.  She called herself The Abortion. This was the most clear dream I have had in my life.  A quick Google search lead me to Lilith, who is called the Patron of Abortion.  I saw in her story parallels to my life; she abandoned God and an easy life in the garden for liberation.  She refused to be submissive to Adam like I refused to be submissive to my mother’s boyfriend.  She appeared as a snake to liberate Eve, and I always loved snakes since I was little, even though I was told snakes were the devil’s animal.  In a tarot reading the animal card I drew was snake.  Lilith was not seen as a mother goddess or part of the triple goddess archetype.  She is a goddess of liberated women, of child free women, of birth control and abortion.  Of course, many people worship different sides of her and my word is no gospel, just my personal experience. 

When I was raped, Lilith kept me from conceiving.  Lilith blessed me with a rebellious and inquisitive nature that desires freedom and independence.  She extended her hand out to offer me the forbidden fruit, and I took it and bit it.  It tasted bittersweet.  It tasted like freedom.  I had to leave my Garden of Eden, which was my family and Christian faith.  But once I tasted the fruit of knowledge of good and evil, my eyes are open and I can never go back.  I do not want to go back.           

[heightkeener]

Discover the Famous Places of India

INCREDIBLE INDIA

We arrive at the territory of 1,000 languages along with 1,000 gods. In the Intercontinental, the ladies in my personal collection are well versed with marigolds and branded with all a standard red dot onto our foreheads. This lodge is an oasis of luxurious at a polluted metropolis of 14 million folks. Two times have been spent traveling Delhi. The sites comprise Gandhi's Tomb and lots of UNESCO World Heritage Web Sites. Wherever else have historic customs combined together using the present in the scale therefore clear as in Delhi. Extra fat sacred Brahma bulls block site visitors creating flaws. Within this land, cows guideline. Canines, monkeys, and kiddies cross their risk.

I really like spiced foodstuff and commence each evening with a3 alarm-curry breakfast. We mind through trainer for Rajasthan, the gorgeous desert country by which cattle are substituted with camels. The atmosphere will be sweeter and that which more vivid. Here's really a microcosm of everything India is. Many folks are refined having a stunt in the event soul and light at the sight of thieves. We always tide by way of our chimney to people that struggle with fascination and appear to mention "why should you ever come ?" Like being a lover of this 3rd universe, this spot was around my own fantasy record for ages. I vividly enter that area of traveling providing you with me astonishment.

We have begun to wait for the yearly Camel honest at Pushkar that's occurred for one million decades past Whilst the entire world's most significant, it's in its summit attracted 50,000 camels by 200,000 dealers. We all unpack at our camp identified as unique Adventures. Our spartan tents didn't en suite baths but bathroom paper has been in a top. That has been a 2-4 hour shield out who stingily rationed his or her quota. From the summer, nighttime is freezing and afternoons sweltering. I confided into some guests in your American Embassy I felt as though that I had been at an episode of"Survivor." She whined reassuring me it had been worth every penny. So on my jolt turns out into amazement since I input fairgrounds.

Place on kilometers of sand slopes using festooned camels plus also a flood of pilgrims, the spectacle appears utterly forgettable. It's such as a Condition Fair On-steroids. That clearly was really a flurry of horse, bullock and camel races, competitions such as milking, creature adorning, turban linking, tattooing in addition to snake-charmers, completely free carnival rides, mystics, astrologers and magnificent booths of handicrafts at reasonable rates. The earth reverberates using pursuits. Countless Rajasthani lady has came dressed up in their very best apparel in close sweet colors. I see illuminated monkeys, painted cows, and cobra's dancing. No words could adequately clarify this helter-skelter overwhelms my 5 perceptions. The others could possess Europe having its own cathedrals and museums. As an example personally, this really exotic vulnerability and ethnic immersion would be your best traveling!

Wrapped in the dust, and people come back. Every single night there's entertainment underneath the celebrities together with musicians, folk dancers, puppet present or flame fighters. No alcoholic beverages are authorized and all foods are vegetarian buffets. An Ayurveda middle delivers us treatment options to cleansing toxins. We reduce these induced throwing up, enemas, nasal drainage along with blood-letting.

We see the sacred town of Pushkar having its own sacred lake made by Lord Brahma. Pilgrims appear from afar to wash at the ghats and snore round-the-clock. We know about religions: Zorastrism,'' Sikhism, the mysterious Sufi's, Jainists who won't eliminate a mosquito, Hinduism that asserts no total accuracy and also the caste system. We see temples in the lake; a few really are"blessed" by priests. Later on, a highlight for me personally was 1 hour Camel Cart Safari supporting the scenes of this honest. Kiddies line our path yelling to us"Hello, 1 pencil remember to!" We view a slaughtered and half of nude folks washing daily. Straight back within the reasons we see an orphanage and scatter separately for lost from the frenzied revelry. We trip enormous spitting camels offering us an increased view of this all. I buy twelve garnet silver and necklaces ankle bracelets. Teen boys tactic Terry to picture him. He has 6'5'". One as him"Sir, what would you consume?"

Our collection proved to be all wonderful!

You will find infinite food however we ought to pass enticements to protect against"Delhi stomach." I detect that the cacophony of insanity lovely. Pushkar is quite an event affair for those sailors and also we have been an only captioning company. I am really so thankful to undergo this a while and energy to move with all our hectic trip.

We arrive at the famous"Pink City" of Jaipur, today a more profound maroon from contamination. Additionally vacationing its own palaces, architectural and fort marvels, we know of those amazing Amber rulers and maharajahs of this Moghul empire. Heritage will come alive and now also I locate myself interested because I cared for. And here's really a shopper's heaven for silk sarees, stone, marble, and jewelry crafts. I saw a creature refuge known as"Assist ." The most peculiar examples of species have been treated by volunteer veterinarians. Exotic 5 stray canines have been sterilized each day and that I see an operation. (Watch www.HIS-INDIA.com ) you are able to easily email them a test to provide help.

Only assist in Enduring' a puppy spaying Building a contribution Volunteer vets speak to Suzy

Onto observe the expansive Fatehpur Sikri, "Ghost Town of Akbar" which has been left as a result of lack of plain water. We reach Agra, a busted town of 2.5 million. Hawkers disturb us. Chained conveys dancing for rupees on the road. Starving kids ensue. We're grateful to marvel in the deluxe Sheraton the following along with its own western cuisine and also cheap massages at $20. It had been similar to a galaxy shift from your Caribbean.

Soon after seeing an eyeful of miracles on the way in which, we've spared the very best for final in the planet's biggest tribute to really like. Goose-bumps climb since I input the royal gate into the Taj Mahal. Morning sun warms it as just a perfect pearl...22 years to construct with 200,000 adult men with two million bits of wrought semi-precious stone. After having a lecture about which this ideal symmetry is made to get Queen Mumtaz, we distribute to picture exactly what looks like quite a mirage. It's poetry in design so that as glorious as is envisioned.

Straight back in Delhi, most of us like a completely free afternoon of leisure to research once we all choose! Most proceed shopping since deals will be low but just how lots of Pashmina shawls do you want? For the final day, we now enjoy a series known as"Dances of India" followed closely by means of a farewell banquet of the Last Day (Indian) Supper.

That I remise still another travel well done with great manuals, motorists, accommodations and assistance. I remember my favored time that happened in the reason when I employed two"human anatomy manuals" to aid me throughout the audiences, Jamal and also Ranchi. Both of these 11-year-old boys ensured me enjoy barnacles along with also their glistening grinning faces that will probably forever stay etched in my own memory of India. This excursion has revived my fascination with the earth reminding me that my love of traveling proliferates itself. The longer I visit, the longer I desperately wish to watch.

This nation will be for the traveler. I'm exceptionally impressed with all the fortitude and persistence of my bunch of sixty persons in a property of infrastructure that is jagged. For a while, it had been their very first trip to this next world nevertheless all of them lived to enjoy experts. To see discomfort hand would be your most economical approach to love dwelling. We watched matters both dreadful and joyous. The phrase"intriguing" but would amount up the whole holiday season. I have to reunite back again.

MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE ON EARTH - INDIA

If you're planning about one's next holiday, then think of India. Probably one among the absolute most vibrant states on the ground, India has a lot of offers you will simply not need to return straight back! The broad array of civilizations, customs, heritage and also the all-natural splendor of this position are guaranteed to create your trip most notable! The glorious Mogul monuments, the most enchanting splendor of its own temples along with temples of this splendor and attractiveness of this Rajput predominate really are a couple of explanations for why tens and thousands of people arrived year after year. A property of ethnic diversity,'' India is still amongst the biggest democratic nations on the planet. From luxurious locales to calm countryside, this remarkable vacation destination is packed with surprises! From hiking at the hardest Himalayan peaks, to ride from the huge desert stretches and out of wild-life Safari in a National Park into some relaxing shore family vacation at Goa, there's therefore far to adventure! During the time you're here usually do not miss sites including Agra -- home for the globally renowned Peninsula, the Taj Mahal, Rajasthan - the property of architectural marvels and also Goa - a sexy place for anyone that really like sunlight'n' Sand. One other place which may catch your spirit would be Kerala. Called the god's own country', the stunning shores here offer you a refreshing escape. Due to many nations within a governmental border, every single invest India is comparable from one other. The northwest includes its own very own gaudy civilizations and also the south-east beckons people to watch the most intricate spiritual festivals. A heady combination of this older and also the brand new, you fulfill get the price approach of this past heavily maintained from the existing. India can be renowned for adventure trekking. Hiking, hiking, river rafting, hockey and also the wildlife shore at Jim Corbett playground are those actions you may have pleasure inside! Whether you're coming alone or together with family, then you may always receive yourself a package on the web to coordinate with your vacation requirements. Still another benefit of reserving your trip on the internet is the fact that a few internet sites also supply you with vacation insurance plan, therefore you never need to think about receiving you. Using all growth of tourism business, the united states features lots of all lodges spa hotels and resorts to earn your stay at ease. Whether you're searching to get a luxurious lodge with world-class facilities or even some wonderful budget lodging, then you are going to readily come across one yourself. But until you measure from one's hotel space, choosing a vacationer counsel is extraordinarily recommended. You'll find many types of excursion choices to traveling India. You may pick those tours determined by the specific regions you'll prefer to go to. Should you want to know more about the cultural heritage of the united states afterward choosing a trip that ensures the most outstanding historic destinations will probably provide you exactly what you really want. However, if you like to experience, then you have to reserve an experience excursion to go through the optimal/optimally adrenaline match betting. The other famous excursion would be that the Golden Zone tour, which covers major metropolitan areas in Delhi, Jaipur, and Agra. The scenic landscapes, gold beaches, blazing deserts, even the early temples and also the civilization of this contemporary era have manufactured India - a land of dramatic contrasts. Nowhere on the planet, you'll locate incredible charm and fascination since you'll discover throughout your visit to India.

I'm firmly confident that the united states of India were transplanted from the other world. You may locate no other place just like it around this particular world.

India can be a nation at which you can notice all you may see right now. What's more, that which you may observe will likely be more intense. You are not going to observe a beggar that you are going to notice countless of those. You are not going to observe a gorgeous shore, you are going to realize the very gorgeous beaches on earth. Spots of riches really are over the top you are going to be shocked. The shantytowns of this inferior, on the opposite side, will put you straight back to your own bites.

India could be the 1 location you may travel to and come off entirely enthralled and laughing in an identical moment. In case your notion of travel is sitting down at a posh lodge, India has these kinds of hotels nevertheless, you are going to not be able to steer clear of the attractive locations. In the event you would rather get outside and also choose a civilization that's totally unfamiliar for you, you won't ever locate a greater place compared to India.

India is truly numerous states in just a political border. The southeast of India is completely distinct compared to the northwest. The exact same holds for that east-west and west. In the event, you really don't enjoy the region you are in, then only get to the train to get a time or 2 and also you are going to be on a totally different planet.

Among those largest passenger complaints concerning India could be that poverty. In fact, it's lousy. There's just no way across the actuality. All you've got seen, where you might have done nothing fits with the poverty in India. The majority of cities are cities and also the states are far less than the best. To receive a very first-hand account, I recommend you examine the superb publication, "Shantaram", by Gregory David Roberts. Roberts dwelt in a few of those shantytowns for a long time busy by law enforcement. The publication is enormous and provides you with an alternative outlook in the poverty circumstance. No matter you'll have issues addressing all the poverty in India. Additionally, it can destroy your journey in case you are not attentive.

In case you are contemplating seeing India, then you want to simply accept the simple fact life is much different, and also you also have to return to grips on this specific until you're gone. In fact, India can be a remarkably attractive state of all beauty, magnificent websites and unbelievably humorous men and women.

[herxheimring]

6 / 28 / 2020                                                                    ENTRY TWO

It is a little ridiculous the way things work out sometimes in life. Ridiculous as in… uncalled for, extensive, unnecessary, crazy. I have always been in perfect health. There was that one time I had cat-scratch fever when I was a kid but other than that I never had any issues, never broke any bones. We thought my chest pain way back in 2015 was just leftover remnants of grief, because my mom had a similar pain ever since we lost my sisters a few years before. I was told it was anxiety, figured that my stress as work was considered just that, along with eating too much pizza and called it a day. It no longer started to make sense a year and a half later when the pain increased during my most mellow of moments and all I felt like doing was napping. Sure, every college student loves a good nap, but that just wasn’t how I rolled. Naps were for the weak, I could get so much done in the time of a nap. Yet I always felt like I needed one.

Low and behold, we gave up trying to reason with it and just decided to go to the doctor and ask about it again. Oh, and maybe run some tests just in case. All the basic ones. If we need to do more then we’ll figure it out. We didn’t need to. The last test that came back showed that I was positive for a local happenstance called Lyme Disease. I got the call while I was driving on my way to work in Bangor. I kind of freaked out. Called my mom afterwards and cried over the phone a bit shaken up, mostly because I didn’t know what it meant. I use to think that I overreacted because most of the time a little thing like a brief disease from a tick was just a handful of days worth of pills and you’re done. I wasn’t done. In fact, we screwed up. I took those antibiotics and, without realizing it, woke up the rest of the disease inside of me that was dormant for years. I was down for the count. Well, not really, not yet.

A lot of doctors don’t understand Lyme. They just don’t. My pediatrician didn’t. My mom didn’t, not that she was a doctor but a master researcher. We tried so many things for 10 months. Crazy things. Ridiculous things. Almost more ridiculous than the disease itself can be. Almost. Essential oils, salt and vitamin C, cannabis, GI health supplement program. Nothing worked. Nothing made anything better. I got worse actually. In the fall, I went to the ER twice because of extreme stomach pain but no one could tell what was wrong. That was because you can’t really see an over abundance of bad intestine bacteria with ultrasounds or a CT scan. My mother, a master researcher as I must repeat, got me in as one of the first patients of a new Lyme clinic in the town over in December of 2017. This doctor, let me tell you, is my favorite man on earth.

I didn’t go back to college that spring. Finally I was down for the count. Treatment sucks. It really sucks. The way herxing works is that you take your medicine and slowly increase it over time. When you increase it, all your symptoms increase by tenfold for a short while, killing off the Lyme bacteria quicker than your body can process the toxins their death releases. In the end, you feel worse in order to feel better. Herxing isn’t meant to last long. You have your period of misery and you’re suppose to feel better than you did after the herx than before it. Not only that, but I had to change my entire diet due to small intestine bacterial overgrowth from that absolutely ridiculous pyramid scheme health program. I’m still bitter about it. I’ll probably always be. Had to drop so much money on an antibiotic that was literally sent from God Himself. I did get better. 

I went back to college in the fall of 2018, ready to take everything back on. Keep on keeping on really. I was always cautious of not doing too much otherwise I’ll get knocked down again. But here’s the thing about New England. We have old buildings. Old buildings include this lovely stuff called mold that can make one’s life miserable if your immune system is already compromised. I was feeling great, better than I had for awhile, but the longer I was back at college the worse I started to feel. I had to go home in the spring, finish my schooling and rest. Graduation consisted of so many tears but I’m glad I pushed through. Glad it was over though I was sad.

It was officially time to get to work. Heal from mold exposure, heal from Lyme, and take my life back from this disease that just kept hanging on. Doctor and I hit the ground running this past winter. Once I finished the protocols from mold detox we increased everything else so that I could be free quicker, sooner, and more efficiently. It was rough but in the end it was so worth it. In April, I started taking my physical well being back into my own hands. Exercising consistently for the first time in three years. Bread, sugar, coffee have returned to my diet. As of now I have been free of all Lyme supplements for two months. Aside from my sprained foot... I have been healthy and able to work consistently without struggle.

Now there’s a lot of things I’ve learned in this time. I can’t tell you the amount of times I went up to the altar at church, at camp, at college for healing. Going to a Pentecostal college where they preach healing with the laying on of hands and that all you need is to have faith that God can do it... truly gives you the right environment. I read books. Memorized verses. But in the times where it was really bad, I was confused as to why God didn’t or wouldn’t heal me. I still don’t quite understand why He didn’t heal me during those other times and I could have received my Bachelor’s without problem, where my dad could have saved money instead of going into debt. But God works in mysterious ways and if there is ever a more true statement... I honestly doubt it.

Lean on Him. Lean on Him even if you don’t get it. Lean on Him even if you think you know the better way and everything is crashing around you. There is no other force that is more stable than Him. I vented to Him often. I know we’re suppose to have reverence for God and respect and fear, which I do have all those things, but sometimes there would be a day where I just had it and told God how I really felt. Even when I yelled at Him, He still comforted me. There’s a peace that passes all understanding, literally. And it’s because of this experience with Lyme that I learned new ways to trust Him, to be guided by Him and to listen to Him. To find hope in hopeless, suffocating places. So maybe there were a few reasons why I wasn’t healed on the spot, who knows but God?

The other week I put the box away. The box I found in the school’s “blessing room” of free stuff that I stored my supplements. The l leftovers and the medical papers all went inside and I put it up in my closet. I did it on the anniversary of Bailey’s, my sister’s, death. Right now I think it means a bit more than what I currently understand. Okay God. I’m ready for what’s next.

                                                                  --Amberthyst

[galadrieljones]

The Lily Farm - Chapter 31

AO3 | Masterpost

Rating: M (Mature) - sexual content, violence, and adult themes

Summary: To help her process Sean’s death, Mary Beth asks Arthur to take her on a hunting trip, somewhere far away. He agrees, and on their journey to the north, they find quietude and take comfort in their easy bond. They’ve been friends for a while now, but life, like the wilderness, is full of uncertainty and complications, and as they embark on their desperate search for meaning together, they endure many trials, some small, some big—all of which bring them closer to one another, and to their future.

Chapter 31: The Wayward Minister

My Dearest Reverend,

Mary Beth and I have decided to get married, and we would be most thankful if you would do us the honor of performing the service. It is to be held up at the Winterson Bed and Breakfast near Emerald Ranch as soon as possible. If you would prefer not to ride, I have included $5 in this envelope, which should be enough to buy you a train ticket from St. Denis. We will wait for you until June 30th. If you have not arrived by then, we will travel to the church in Valentine, no hard feelings.

I ain’t much of a man for the Bible, sir, but I do remember one verse you gave to me many a year ago, from John I believe: “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone.” Something like that. The folks who own the Wintersons’ establishment are real nice, and they will not judge you nor any of us. I know that, should you choose to come, you will be as clean as you can be. I have nothing but faith in you, sir.

I have similarly sent for Dutch and Hosea, but seeing as we are all wanted men in a great deal of shit these days, the rest of the gang must be left behind. We hope to see you soon.

Sincerely,

Arthur

Swanson had been lying in the weeds at Shady Belle when he received the letter.

“You alive?” said Karen, nudging him with the toe of her boot. Of course, she meant it in a colloquial way, but the question, to Reverend Swanson, was one of deeply profound meaning. “Hello?”

“Yes,” he said, sitting straight up, coming out of an existential nightmare in which bugs crawled all over and inside of his body “Miss Jones.”

“Got a visitor.” She walked away.

Standing there now was a young man wearing a messenger’s cap. He could have sworn that it was Arthur Morgan twenty years ago. “You Reverend Swanson?” the boy said.

Swanson rubbed his eyes. It was not Arthur. It was not twenty years ago. He had a splitting headache. “Yes, I’m Swanson,” he said. He took off his hat. He stood slowly, one foot at a time and dusted off his pants at the knees. “How can I help you?”

“I got a letter here for you on express delivery from Mr. Arthur Morgan.”

“Arthur?”

“Yes, mister. Big man with a pretty horse? Looked like a gunslinger if you ask me, but I ain’t got no interest in his work. No, sir. He paid me double to see I get this here letter to you by this very morning, and I’d appreciate it, mister, if, next time you talk to him, you could confirm my success.”

“What?” said the Reverend. The kid seemed to be speaking a hundred miles per hour. “Oh, yes. Of course.”

The boy with the letter nodded. He was tall and lean but in an awkward sort of way, and he smoked a cigarette as he handed over the envelope. He wore simple clothing that suggested he was of a lower class family, miners probably. Annesburg no doubt. He did very much remind Swanson of Arthur when Arthur was real young—just a kind of blot-on-the-town but good intentioned, maybe a little more put together around the edges than Arthur ever was but the same softness in the eyes. He carried with him a leather messenger bag, and inside of it was a book by Mark Twain, though Swanson could not see which. It warmed his heart that the boy was somehow literate, and he wished to save his soul but he had his own soul needed saving first, and in the meantime, could do nothing but tip the boy generously with a handful of coins from his pocket and send him on his way.

“Thanks, mister,” said the boy. “The man Arthur Morgan said he was not expecting your reply, so I’ll be leaving now. Do you know where I can find a Hosea Matthews?”

“Yes,” said the Reverend. “Hosea—he should be in St. Denis. Check the saloon. The fancy one. He’s, uh, in his late fifties. White hair. He’ll be with a somewhat younger, singular looking man in black”

“Thanks a lot.”

”What is this about? Young man? Do you know?”

“I got no idea. You have a good day, mister.”

“Oh. You, too.”

The boy got back on his horse and rode away.

Upon reading Arthur’s letter, Swanson wiped his brow with a handkerchief from his pocket, picked up his valise, which contained his Bible and all of his earthly belongings and set off walking through the bayou to clear his brain. He had done this many times. Some people were afraid of this place, but he knew that if you just left the gators alone, they would leave you alone, and he was unafraid of night folk, because he knew that should they take his life it was meant to be and karmic retribution for his sins. They were unaware of their own barbarism, thought Swanson. They were just living the life handed to them as any other. He walked all the way to St. Denis. It took several hours.

When he got there, he went to the saloon and bought a bowl of soup and drank water to kill his headache and recuperate. He did not order any whiskey. He then walked through the clean streets to the church where it was less clean, and there were orphans and a couple of Mexican men learning English from a Bible with one of the Brothers on the steps. Swanson had been coming here for some weeks now, visiting with the Mother Superior Sister Calderón. She was providing him guidance as he journeyed toward redemption and sobriety.

He found her inside, sitting at a table in the kitchen, eating lunch alone. The church was otherwise empty aside from a few who sat with their heads down in the pews. Sister Calderón was eating a steak with a fork and knife and just finishing up when he arrived.

“Reverend,” she said, smiling. “Come, join me.”

He sat down at the table across from her, feeling disheveled. The sun came through the simple window overhead, looking like a bright square. “Good afternoon, Sister.” He removed his hat.

“This is a surprise,” she said. “I thought we were meeting tomorrow.”

“I thought so, too,” said Swanson. “But something has come up.”

“Oh?”

He took a deep breath and examined the brim of his hat and the stitching where it was coming apart around the edges. She got up to place her dishes in the sink and to pour him a glass of water. He drank some and looked down at his hands. “I received a letter from a friend today.”

“What is your friend’s name.”

“Arthur. Arthur Morgan.”

She lit up in recognition. “Yes, I know Mr. Morgan. He has donated to the church and done me many favors. He is your friend?”

“Yes,” said Swanson. “I’ve known him a long time. I did not know he was affiliated with you here.”

“We, too, are friends,” she said. “He is trying to atone, like you and me.”

Swanson smiled at this. It brought him joy.

“What did he say in his letter?” said Sister Calderón.

“He said that he is getting married,” said Swanson, “to a girl that has been traveling with us now for some years. She is a very kind young woman, been kinder to me than I believe I deserve. They have both been kinder to me than I believe I deserve. Arthur, he—he saved my life, some months ago when I was at my lowest, most reprehensible point, and now he has asked if I would…officiate them in matrimony. Provide the service. Up in Emerald Ranch, very soon.”

“Mr. Morgan is getting married?” said Sister Calderón. “That is wonderful news. And for him and his beloved to ask you to take part in such a special day, that is a rare blessing.”

“I do agree, Sister,” said Swanson. “I do. But I am afraid. I don’t know that I’m not ready.”

“Ready for what?”

“To preserve him and his beloved and unite them before the eyes of God. I have been wayward far too long, Sister. I am a bad man. I am unworthy.”

Sister Calderón sighed in her wise way. She placed her hand on his. “Reverend, you are not a bad man.”

He shook his head.

“I know that I cannot make you see that. You must see it for yourself. You know, Mr. Morgan is always saying the same thing to me. I am a bad man. He is working on this, the same as you, and he would not have sent for you if he did not think you were worthy of his cause. It is this way he chooses to communicate your worth to you.”

“I know that’s supposed to make sense,” said the Reverend. “I known Arthur since he was a teenager.”

“I believe you should take this leap,” she said. “Of course, it is up to you. But you should go. That is the clear path. It is a sign! It is your opportunity to confront your fears, confront your God and begin to make amends. To give the gift of love.”

Swanson picked up the cup, swallowed some more of the water. Overhead, the crucifix on the wall seemed very heavy and mundane. A fly was tapping at the window from the inside, searching for escape. “Will you accompany me?” he said. “Sister? I cannot let him down. I am far less likely to do that if—if I am not alone.”

She smiled again, squeezing his hand assuredly. “I will. We will take the train, first thing tomorrow morning.”

They sat some time longer, speaking of Arthur and his beloved, and then of Christ and other mysteries.

Hamish rode about half a day behind Arthur and Mary Beth. He wanted to cut over to Moonstone Pond, spend some time in solitude, fishing. He didn’t often make it far from the lake up there on his own. He assured them both that he would be okay.

Now, camping in Ambarino for one night, Mary Beth caught a fish, and Arthur cleaned it up and cooked it for them. The fire made beautiful sparks that went up like little plumes, and the weather was fine.

“I might never get bored of this,” said Mary Beth. She had good color in her cheeks that night. She said she was feeling better. She had a handful of pebbles and was tossing them into the fire one by one. “Camping.”

“I never really knew you liked camping,” said Arthur, frying up the fish. “I always thought you was more of an indoor girl. Before, of course. Could just be the way you seem.”

“Can’t really be an indoor girl when you live most of your life on the run,” said Mary Beth. “Shady Belle might be falling apart but it’s the first warm house I’ve called home in…years.”

Arthur smiled. “I imagine Shady Belle was a beauty in her time.”

“I'm sure she was."

After dinner, they played several games of Hearts. Mary Beth complained that she was no good at Hearts. Arthur wouldn’t let her win though. He was trying to smoke less and had taken up chewing on reeds and sticks and branches instead. This part of him was familiar and it made him seem younger. His hair had grown out now, down to the very tops of his shoulders, and it had gotten lighter being in the southern heat for so many months, blanched from the daylight, and his eye lashes even looked kind of blond. On their final hand, she studied him closely and reached to put one stray lock of hair behind his ear. This made him look at her casually, but then he kept looking at her, chewing that reed, and he grinned and put the loose hair behind her ear, too. “You’re real pretty, you know that?” he said, tossing the reed to the dirt. “I’m sure I’ve told you that a thousand times, but it’s true.”

“Thank you, Arthur,” she said.

“You’re welcome.”

“When we get married, I don’t want anything to change,” she said. “I just wanna be your wife.”

“Ain’t nothing gonna change,” he said. “Save for maybe our location, eventually. And, well.” He nodded to her tummy—still flat. It wouldn’t grow for a little while yet. “We’ll have company.”

“You’ll still read me poetry?”

He smiled. “Yes, I will.”

“Do you think Dutch will come?” said Mary Beth.

Arthur sighed. He shrugged. “I hope so. I don’t know that it’ll feel the same if he ain’t there.”

“Yeah,” said Mary Beth.

They heard some nightingales, and then a distant loon. The fire blazed and crackled. The sky overhead was so black, and the stars were so clear.

He kissed her, and she took off his hat and grabbed him by the collar. Sometimes, she could still sense his near surprise upon being touched with her reckless abandon. Like he was delayed, and it took him some time to let go, but once he did, it drove him. As a gunslinger, Arthur was full of swagger and aloofness for the craft, but when it came to his personal life, he had been closed for too long, never opening up to anybody, hiding himself so as to never have to apologize to the world for existing. He had a beautiful soul, but few had seen it.

She pushed him onto his back in the weeds, throwing her full weight. She knew she was kind of clumsy in most respects, but it didn’t really stop her. He seemed to like that about her anyway. Like he had to hold her steady. She had him out of his belt and suspenders in what felt like seconds and hiked up her own skirt. He got a desperate grip on her, and she wanted it to go fast, like a freight train. They were out in nature. He stayed beneath her the whole time, talking to her, telling her things in his deep, comforting voice. He was some kind of elegant man. When Arthur finished, his eyes were closed and his head stretched back so she could see the cords and the muscles in his neck. She touched them as he came, and she thought about how long she’d known him as nothing more than a friend and the parts that had changed between them and the parts that had stayed the same.

“Maybe we could go to St. Denis after this,” she said when it was done. They had crawled into their tent now, and he had his arm around her and one of his hands piecing through her hair. “Like on a date.”

“You wanna go on a date with me in St. Denis?” said Arthur, smiling with his eyes closed.

“Sure. We could see one of them moving picture shows.”

“That would be nice.”

“You think Dutch is gonna want us to do something?” she said. She had her hand on his chest, which rose and fell in even fashion. “Didn't you say something about a poker game on a river boat? Seems like it’s time.”

Arthur sighed. She looked up to try and guess what he was thinking.

“What’s wrong?” she said.

“Nothing,” he said. “I just don’t really feel like thinking about river boat poker games right now.”

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be sorry.” He looked at her. “We should go to sleep, Miss Gaskill. I wanna get going early tomorrow.”

“Okay,” she said. She reached past him to turn down the lantern. “But it ain’t gonna be Miss Gaskill much longer, remember.” She kissed him on the cheekbone.

Arthur seemed confounded by this, but pleasantly so. “You’re right,” he said.

They both looked up then, as they could hear the wind picking up outside and rustling against their tent. It was only wind, but for some reason, it surprised them. They waited. The wind held steady and then died down and then picked up and held steady agin. They looked back at one another and then nestled in.

“Goodnight, Arthur Morgan," said Mary Beth.

“Goodnight, Miss Gaskill.”

“You are a damn cheater, John Marston."

They were sitting around the table with Lawrence and Lizette, playing blackjack for pennies. Jack was already upstairs sleeping. It was a little after nine o’clock.

“That’s a lie,” said John, collecting the pot. “I’ve never once cheated at cards. That was always Arthur’s thing.”

“Oh, please,” said Abigail. “Like he never taught you.”

John laughed at this. “Believe me, he tried. He used to make me sit for hours. Him teaching, me listening. But I wasn’t no good from the start. Just too honest, I guess.”

She shoved him, laughing.

“I think you’re both pretty damn good,” said Lawrence, cleaning his glasses with a delicate yellow handkerchief. “At least you’re giving me a run for my money, and I’m quite good.”

“Not a lot to do but play cards when you’re camping in the wilderness,” said Abigail, straightening her ponytail. “Even the women learn gambling.”

“It’s a valuable skill,” said Lizette, in earnest. “Especially for a woman. Nobody would ever suspect it.”

John gathered up the cards then, his turn to deal. The kettle hissed from the kitchen. Lawrence got up to take it off the fire. He poured the tea and offered a little rum to go with it. They all said yes. “What what was it you said about Arthur?” He was pouring the tea into four neat and pretty porcelain tea cups. They had a very lovely blue filigree. “That cheating cards was his thing?”

“I don’t think he does it much no more,” said John, shuffling, “but when we was younger, like real young, he used to pull the wool over every fool gambler’s eyes in town. A real hustler. He can count cards, memorize the order of a deck, predict when they’ll turn up in a pile, and he also has some sleight of hand.”

“Like magic?” said Lizette.

“Yes, ma’am. It used to be one of his true specialties, always an ace up his sleeve.” John laughed to himself.

Lawrence passed around the tea cups. “It must take a great deal of intelligence to hold the ordering of an entire deck of cards in one’s mind. He sounds formidable.”

“I never thought about it like that,” said John, scratching at the scruff on his chin, “but he always was sort of like that. Smart, you know? He hides it pretty well.”

“Too well,” said Abigail. “It ain’t right. A man shouldn’t have to hide.”

John sighed, started dealing the cards. “No, he shouldn’t.”

“You know, when we first met Arthur,” said Lawrence, sitting down and sipping his tea, “he and Mary Beth were posing as married grain farmers who had been robbed.”

“No shit,” said John. Abigail cleared her throat, socked him above the knee. “I mean, uh, tell us about that.”

Lawrence smiled. He liked them. They were a very young couple, they tried hard, and their boy was extremely well-behaved. “Well, Mary Beth came to our door flailing, saying her husband had been beaten up and they'd been robbed of their wagon, full of corn. They were looking for a place to stay.”

“Corn?” said John.

“That sounds like Mary Beth’s idea. She plays a pretty good hysterical wife.”

“That, she did,” said Lawrence. “Of course your man Arthur, he’s no corn farmer. I could tell by his guns and his demeanor alone. But like you two, they were charming and polite, and they seemed in love. It’s hard to distrust people like that. Though Arthur did have a gunshot wound—more like a graze in his arm that I stitched up for him. I still am not sure how he got it.”

Abigail was red in the cheeks. She was smiling down into her porcelain cup. The idea of seeming in love made her both self-conscious but also relieved. “I’m sure it was nothing,” she said. She sipped her tea. “Arthur's a tough specimen, and he's had a lot worse.”

This seemed to concern Lawrence, but Lawrence said nothing.

“So you was in the war?” said John, gesturing to the Union kepi hanging by the door. “Arthur said you was from Illinois. I am, too. Though I don’t really remember it the way I should.”

“Yes,” said Lawrence. “I was born in a city called Rockford.”

"What did you do in the war?" said Abigail.

"I was a medic," said Lawrence, adjusting his glasses. "I was no innocent, but I never saw true battle."

“What you saw might’ve been a fair bit worse than battle,” said Abigail. “Nursing wounds ain’t no picnic.”

Lawrence seemed to find this very interesting. “No, Mrs. Marston. It isn’t.”

She blushed again. “Just Abigail. Please.”

“Have you nursed many wounds, Abigail?” he said. Then he shifted in his seat a little. He seemed pensive. Lizette reached for his hand. He squeezed it once and smiled at her, then he took a long drink of his tea.

"More than my fair share, I reckon."

“You said something before, about that. It bothered me.”

“Oh?” she said. She looked at John, mortified, then back at Lawrence. “I—I’m sorry. I didn't mean it—to be a bother—”

“No, no. I didn't mean it like that,” said Lawrence. “I'm very sorry. I just meant—you said that Arthur’s had a lot worse. That’s what bothered me."

"Oh."

"We've looked after them now, a couple times. Him and Mary Beth. They seem okay, but I get the sense they're always running. We care about them. What did you mean by that? What happened to Arthur?”

Abigail felt John taking her hand under the table. She was embarrassed. "I—"

“You should ask him,” said John, stepping in. “He’ll tell you.”

Lawrence smiled, impressed. He nodded. “I’ll do that,” he said. “And I’m very sorry again, Abigail. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you'd done something wrong, or to put you on the spot.”

She looked up at him. He was a very nice man. She was not used to someone being so concerned, and certainly not a stranger. “It’s fine," she said. "I’m just—I don’t like makin a fool of myself. For obvious reasons. Maybe I'm a little too touchy.”

“You’re perfect,” said Lizette. She placed her little palm on Abigail’s cheek. “Do not be so nervous, child.”

“Thank you,” said Abigail. "I appreciate that."

Just then, they heard the rustling of a horse outside. Abigail and John both perked up, glancing at one another. Then they looked at Lawrence who was still deep in thought.

“I thought they wasn’t coming till tomorrow,” said Abigail.

“Perhaps they’re early?” said Lizette.

“Could be,” said Lawrence, surfacing. He pushed back from the table, slowly. He seemed to gather his thoughts, and then he seemed to quickly disengage and went to the door. He picked up his shotgun. They all waited until they heard knocking.

Lawrence cracked the door open, left the chain pulled, his usual approach. John was standing between the front door and the kitchen table, a little like an attack dog. It was just habit. Abigail and Lizette just sat, waiting. “Can I help you?” said Lawrence.

But the voice, right away—it was familiar. “Yes, is this the Winterson establishment?”

“Hosea?” said Abigail. She smiled, got up from the table. “It’s okay. It’s just Hosea.”

Lawrence glanced at her, then back at John, who nodded, then back to the man through the door. “Hosea?” he said.

"That’s me. I’m here for the wedding.”

Lawrence closed the door and dropped the chain. He set his shotgun down on the floor beside the door jamb. Then he opened the door again, all the way this time. Hosea stepped inside, removed his hat. He was alone, and he was a sight to see.

Abigail rushed to him. She hugged him, tight. He smelled like the cold air outside and just like Hosea. “You came,” she said.

“Of course I came,” said Hosea. “You think I’d miss Arthur’s wedding? Where are they?"

"They ain't here yet," said Abigail. "They're coming tomorrow."

"Good."

“Where’s Dutch?” said John. “I thought Arthur sent for you both.”

On the other side of the room, the clock made its low chime. It was ten o’clock. “No Dutch,” said Hosea. He and Abigail parted and he smiled at John, a little strained. “Not this time, son.” Hosea approached Lawrence then, held his hand out in a steadfast, very upright fashion. “Lawrence Winterson, I assume.”

“Yes, sir. You're not the minister, are you?”

“No,” said Hosea, smiling. They shook. “No, I’m just a friend. A very old friend. My name is Hosea Matthews.”

“Well, it’s wonderful to have you, Mr. Matthews. Come in, come in. We’ll show you to your room.”

“Thank you, good sir. The ride was long, and I’m quite tired.”

“Of course.”

Lizette went with them both upstairs. She insisted on turning down the linens for each of her guests. While they were gone, John and Abigail stood by the table where the cards were all scattered about with the abandoned tea cups. They both looked at the cards, and then Abigail looked at John. “What’s wrong?” she said.

“Nothing,” said John. He seemed pissed off. He went out to the porch, his boots heavy on the wooden floors.

She followed him out, closing the door behind them. It was cooler outside, so she tightened her shawl. He lit a cigarette, gave it to her. Then he lit one for himself. They stood and smoked for a while. She awaited him nervously, wishing she could just read his damn mind. She knew something was wrong.

Eventually, he shook his head and looked down at his hand, holding the cigarette. “Jesus Christ."

"What's wrong?"

"You heard Hosea. Not this time.”

“What?”

“Dutch isn’t coming. Not this time.”

“Oh," she said, almost relieved. "So what?"

“So, when the hell is Arthur ever gonna get married again?”

Abigail took a long, deep breath. She tossed her cigarette to the wood and stamped it out with the toe of her boot. She was trying to see the reason in it. Truth be told, she didn't hold as much faith in Dutch as those boys did. Hosea, yes. But not Dutch, and she wasn't surprised. “I see what you mean," she said, trying to be kind. "But maybe...maybe he didn’t wanna leave the camp unguarded. Or maybe he was afraid of bringing danger, John. I mean, he ain’t exactly low profile as far as criminals is concerned, and you saw what he did to Colm O'Driscoll. Try not to jump to the worst possible conclusion until we know what's going on, if you can.”

John stepped out to the edge of the porch. It was getting windy. You could see it coming across, blowing the long grasses and hear it rustling through the trees. It seemed to mildly disturb the horses. A lonesome hound wandered across the lawn then. It was a strange sight and it sort of startled Abigail. The hound had big, floppy ears. It went over to sniff at something on the lawn, but it was disinterested in the two of them. It disappeared into the darkness, like a ghost, keeping its watch.

“You think Swanson’ll make it?” said Abigail.

John finished his cigarette, looked back to her. He them seemed to soften. He came over and took her hand again, just for a moment. He looked down at her knuckles. Her bones were delicate. Compared to his, they were like little works of art. “I hope so,” he said.

“If not, we’ll all just go to Valentine,” she said. "They got a nice church there, with plenty of pews."

He smiled. He gave her back her hand. “You always know how to look on the bright side, Abbie.”

She got bashful from this. She really tried.

Meanwhile, Reverend Swanson slept in the church that night back in St. Denis. Sister Calderón had offered him a cot, but he wanted to sleep in the pews where it was cold. He stared up at the ceiling, which was unadorned but beautifully constructed. He had his hands folded together, resting on his chest. He lie very still. He heard many strange noises in the church that night—like mice, and there were bats up in the belfry. It was windy, too, and the wind had come on quickly, and it was blowing against the building, sounding like ghosts, whistling and rattling the window panes. At some point, Swanson found the courage to close his eyes, and to dream. Once, he had been a great minister. He could command entire rooms. Entire congregations of good, god-fearing people. It had been Swanson, in fact, who had counseled Dutch on the art of passionate oration long ago. Of course, Dutch was a different kind of minister, but still.

[culturati-club]

The Sermon of LIFE

The Sermon of (My Current) LIFE

Standing at the altar of my hometown church, I feels surreal. My hands holding the micorphone as I look out into a hundred faces…

All the while, never did I imagine I would be here where I am now, standing before all of these faces of my youth…but none of us really ever know do we?

God leads us to places we could never imagine.

I was an anxious child. as many people remind me of the way I stuck close to my parents.

but now I know it was the anxiety to get out into the world and see what else it was God had created besides myself and what I had already known.

I went to an international art school.

upon graduating I didn’t know what to do.

no job felt right.

I had this hunger to see where so many of my friends were from.

I prayed to the lord and I reminded Him that he was in control.

I acknowledged and spoke—

“you are my guide

and you are in control

of my ride.

I am just here enjoying the breeze.

take me where i need to go— i trust you”

And so the lord brought me many places—

each experience mysteriously preparing me for the next.

Hk-Italy-China-Spain- now Japan

Each experience being the grace of God

people ask me, how did you get these jobs??

And honestly, all were the through the grace of God—all through who I knew through the church.

So many times I didn’t know where to go.

In result, I prayed it was all the power of God.

I acknowledged my needs of Christ through prayer.

The church— God is the base of all things

never did I truly see that until this experience.

4 years ago I came back from a life-changing experience in rural China.

An experience so unique and so special.

That is an entire other story for another day. I arrived home from China, and remember feeling like my entire life was all wrong.

I was depressed.

everything I had known before felt so different.

and no one could understand what I was going through.

no one knew or could ever know the personal life-changing experience I endured in that rural china town.

I felt like I a giant who could not fit into the human home id always known.

I was lost.

but God could understand me. and he brought me where I needed to go.

I researched everything to go and get out into the world again.

but I also had people telling me to find “a real job”

I tried finding whatever a real job was,

but felt it wasn’t right.

I struggled with that. too much.

my life felt hopeless.

but I got through it, and God answered my prayers.

God always knows what we know deep down.

And God leads us down this strict path.

God knows we have doubts, but he keeps us going down that path because WE prayed for him to lead us and guide us.

so I surrendered my doubts to Him and said, “TAKE ME WHERE I NEED TO GO”

its what we all should do. honestly.

it can change your life.

so, one day I was at the church with my Mom, and she was talking to people as usual. I just kept looking at her, like, let’s goooooo. Then, I looked down… I came across this brochure I had never noticed before…

It was for ELCA global missions YAGM—volunteer program.

I applied, interviewed, and was denied for my “overqualifications”.

I did not understand it. “WTF. WHY????”, I thought.

And so I went on to the next adventure.

I’d wanted to go to Spain, so I took some time there trying to figure out what I needed. I went there to live with a family (I found on the internet) who needed help with their English.

While in Spain, I got this email from ELCA Global Mission saying they had needed this paid position filled, and someone had given my resume.

Suddenly I realized why I did not get that volunteer position. This new position was much better with pay and amazing benefits.

They asked if I would be interested.

OBVIOUSLY.

And obviously, I got the job because here I am almost three years later!

God always provides. We may not understand something at the moment, but we have to step back and look at the big picture.

Last week I was at a conference with ELCA- Global Mission in Chicago.

I was speaking with someone who said:

“life is like a big painting. sometimes we get to close to one aspect, we move in and cover our eyes to focus on that one spot. we get so close that it becomes dark from the shadow. That is how we are when we become obsessed with one aspect of our lives. it is important to step back and remember that there is a whole picture. we need that entire picture to explain the small detail.”

It is so true. And God always knows that picture.

We can not worry about one aspect. especially when we have the power to respond to a situation in any way we like. We are in control of our minds and how to respond.

It is important to keep that faith in Jesus. For our own sanity.

The three years in Tokyo have shot by. I have experienced so many things in that time. that have helped progress the time.

My term was ending and I did not feel like I was finished.

I had felt like my time had only begun,

and a blessing, I was asked to extend my time there.

the church was going through a lot of transition.

we needed consistency and we needed someone who knew this location well.

So what do I do?

I work for ELCA: Global mission who partners with other Evangelical Lutheran organizations all over the world. I have colleagues all over Africa, Israel, Germany, Malaysia, China, Hong Kong, India, Brazil, Columbia, Argentina… the list goes on…  I, as well as many others, are based in Japan. But I am the only one in Tokyo.

So ELCA works with the JELC: Japan Evangelical Lutheran Church, who has special programs with churches around Tokyo.

I am based at two locations in Tokyo: there is Hongo Lutheran Church who has a community Student Center and Koishikawa Lutheran Church who owns and operates a Girls Dormitory

I attend Hongo Lutheran Church each Sunday where I help with church activities and also teach Sunday morning English bible study. During the week I also go here and conduct English Conversation classes which sometimes result in more of a counseling session.

I have all ages… from 3 - 9-year-olds all the way to elderly adults in their 80s.

Many middle-aged moms come. and we have nice conversations and lessons about culture and self-love.

Honestly, when I was younger I loved kids. but after living in Spain, they kind of freaked me out. Then going to Tokyo I was forced to create classes for these little ones who did not know English. but God flows through me and somehow it happens. Now I love little kids and especially my little kids.

They are amazing. It is so cool how I, a 27 year old English speaking native can have inside jokes with little kids who speak Japanese natively.

My kids feel so comfortable and happy to come to the center each week.

My three and four-year-olds wear their princess dresses to class. It is awesome. They will dress up specifically for their thirty-minute sessions. Then we will sing and dance together. I have a little boy who has a stutter. He is three and is super self-conscious of it. He won’t speak. He will only tap and point. But he loves to come. The purpose is not to learn English but to feel welcome and loved. Each week he will bring a different toy to show me. He is always so proud.

In Tokyo, they don’t use cars. It takes to long. Moms have “mom bikes” verse “mom SUVs”. They tote their kids around on motorized bikes with car seats. Or they will walk if its close enough. So I just imagine these kids coming each week with these big toys and princess dresses walking down the street or on their bikes… so cute.

A lot of the mothers of my kids also will come to the adult classes.

I have kind of created a “moms class” and they come and talk about their lives and kids together in English.

Many elder students. I have students in their 70s and 80s. They make their way there every week. They have illnesses but they come! Its always awesome to talk to them about their lives. Many have come for almost twenty years, but have the same beginners English. We talk together through translations. One lady comes every week after her doctor’s appointment. Every week she shows her large full bag of medications. And every week I ask what it is. And every week she tells me. Every week she checks out my outfit and tries on my jacket. Every week she shows off her outfit and asks “how much?”… every week is a joy. Every week this lady comes to feel wanted. That is what I do.

Last year I started teaching English Zumba! I never taught Zumba or any type of exercise officially. but a student had approached me and asked to consider it… so I did. We have new students who come just to dance. We hold the class in the sanctuary one Sunday a month. It is a lot of fun. at the end of the class, we meditate on this Christian song called “Oceans” by Hillsong United. The parents especially love it to relieve stress.

This year I have started teaching English Photography classes.

Two Saturdays a month we meet— I present techniques and they go home and make prints and come back the next class for a critique and another lecture. It has been really great! A longtime student of mine—her parents are architects in Tokyo. they come to the class and it’s just really interesting to see their photos and hear about their work…

I have started these two classes specifically to get more people in the community to join our center. Why? English conversation is a difficult market. Especially in a busy city like Tokyo. Having classes with two ways of learning is good for Japanese who are busy and want to learn more than just English. They can come and learn photography, English, and build a nice community.

The second location I work at is the Girls Dormitory…

The dormitory is owned and operated by a Lutheran church. A majority of the girls who stay there are not Christian. And that is ok because true Christians do not discriminate or judge.

In Japan, Universities have dorms, but it is more common for them to stay in community dorms. Maybe it is cheaper.

Some girls come from out of state or country to study high school or college and stay in a dorm like this.

So my students are from all over Japan.

Some girls who stay there are returning students who were raised abroad with their families whose fathers work for a Japanese company in another country. Here I have an office where the girls can come to and talk with me. depending on their reason for the study, we have different topics. Usually, we talk about culture and have fun activities. The dorm gives me an allowance to do fun things with the girls. We have parties or go to dinners every once in a while.

They love when I have holiday parties at my home. We usually watch a Christmas movie like ELF and decorate Christmas cookies. I try to share with them, the real American way. Basically, my work is to share love and joy. Not talk about the word of God, but SHOW IT.

That is what we Christians should be doing every day. People do not respond to words, but they respond to action and spirit. And to tell people there is just a special story for each of us… big or small, we all have an important part in this world. your single existence is crucial to the balance of the universe.

We each have the opportunity to have a story as long as we turn it over to God with faith.

Look a the Bible… so many stories. The Lord has a special plan for each of us. No matter who we are and what bad we have done in our lives. WE are each redeemable.

Noah was a drunk, Moses was a murderer… God redeemed them with important tasks.

Many of us are not Noah or Moses. We have not done such bad, but the Lord does not judge based on that. The Lord wants us to thrive. Allow yourself to listen to what YOUR story is that the Lord is saving for YOU. Smile to people who seem sad. Share the joy. Your one small gesture has the ability to change someone’s entire day, and that person will go on to inspire another and another. It’s the ripple effect.

that is our mission as Christians. NOT to make people Christians, but to heal people. Make people feel loved. Make people feel inspired to live their life and shine brightly just as they were meant to. Our mission is to share the peace and understanding; share the unconditional love.

In your work, in your path, you have an opportunity to bring change. No matter what your job is. You have the power to inspire and save a life with a smile. You have the power to react the way you choose.

All this time and it is easy to forget what brought me here in the first place. those are my experiences.

We need those experiences. They are the small roads that lead you to the major intersections that take you to this big destination. Enjoy your path and remember to ask GOD for guidance.

Tell God you trust in him and the path he needs to you take. On that path, make sure you inspire and share this with those who may not know it either

Words and imagery by Jennifer Jarvie @clubjarvie​

[wisdomrays]

HOW DO WE DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE DESİRE TO EMULATE AND ENVY? : Part 1

Desire to emulate (gibta) is a desire to have the same blessings another person has without wishing for him or her to be deprived of them; it is looking up to others’ admirable qualities and achievements. Envy (hasad), however, is the inability to bear with others’ successes or to acknowledge the favors and virtues they are blessed with; it is to wish for the absence of those favors and good conditions for others and to desire to possess them all for oneself. Envy, therefore, involves resentment, indignation, and jealousy, whereas the desire to emulate is admiration. In a saying reported as a hadith of the Messenger of God, peace be upon him, it is said that “Believers admire, hypocrites envy.” By this, a bottom line is determined for believers so that they do not go further than admiration, and we are told that jealousy makes hypocrites squirm in a constant state of pain.

To emulate: harmless envy

It is also reported that the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, “There are only two to envy: a person whom God has given wealth and he spends it in the right way, and a person whom God has given wisdom (religious knowledge) and he gives his decisions accordingly and teaches it to others.” It is harmless to admire those who, after they have learned the religion well and made it their way of life, illuminate others with their knowledge, which they have made a source of wisdom. They act as a genuine interpreter of the Qur’anic truths by both communicating and representing them. So, one can say, “I wish I were like him; I wish I knew my religion so well, so that I could have illuminated my own life while communicating it to others!” It may even be a self-rewarding act to do so, for it is in a sense self-interrogation; realizing our inadequacy we may be motivated to work harder and even to pray, and thus be filled with lofty feelings. It is not wrong also to admire prosperous people who have been made superior with wealth as well as with generosity, who give away their God-given property in great quantities in charity, and who never feel content with their giving, as if addicted to benevolence. As in the previous situation, one can say, “I wish I had the same resources, so that I could donate as much as he did. I wish I could have built a school and provided grants for hundreds of students as he did.”

Nevertheless, in the hadith given above, the Prophet, peace be upon him, uses “envy” instead of “desire to emulate,” emphasizing the fact that admiring others is also a state that is close to jealousy. No matter how harmless and even favorable it may be, desire to emulate shares the same border with envy, rendering its territory somewhat unsafe to walk through. Inability to define the limits of admiration may result in jealousy and envy. For instance, looking up to a friend who is well-versed in the religion, in an admirable condition, and who acts with good conduct, is fine, as long as it does not cross the border into comparison and covert competition, saying, “Why does he know so much that I do not know? How can he communicate our faith better than I can?”

Therefore, believers must keep a distance between themselves and admiration, which is adjacent to envy and separated from it only by a thin veil. They must be content with what has been appreciated for them; they should never complain of their fate, even with the slightest emotional disappointment; they should see no one as their rival, and they should strive to attain their highest potential in virtue.

Food supplies delivered at night

 “Do not provoke [your brothers’ and sisters’] envy by making a display of [your] attributes,” defining the responsibility that falls on the shoulders of those people who are admired. Boasting incessantly, always bringing the subject to one’s own achievements, claiming success for oneself, and appearing at the forefront all the time are also acts of trespassing in the forbidden zone. Such a person may not envy another person, but with this attitude he drives other people to jealousy of him by provoking their envy.

For this very reason, boasting of one’s personal virtues and abilities is considered inappropriate in Islamic culture, so a tradition of engaging in good work privately has developed. Alms used to be left at certain places out of sight and reach of others, so that only the poor could come and get what they needed. Alms columns, for instance, which were around six feet tall with a cavity on top, were erected at certain points in towns; it was not easy to discern who was leaving alms there and who was taking them, so that the poor were not made to feel obliged, their feelings were not hurt, and their envy was not provoked. Foundations were instruments for transferring donations from benefactors to the poor without causing embarrassment or taunting of the latter, while the former were saved from ostentation and arrogance.

In Islam, intending to hide one’s voluntary prayers and alms is very important. The Prophet declared that God does not accept anything from the one who gives in charity to be known by others, someone crazy for show, nor from a philanthropist who taunts the beneficiary of his favors. Performing charity secretly and giving alms without revealing it to others are good ways of being saved from the desire to be praised by others. There are many people who help others secretly and disappear mysteriously without introducing themselves even to the poor person to whom they provided some relief. Many of our noble ancestors made extreme efforts to avoid ostentation, praise, and making others feel indebted; some of them, without being seen, simply left their alms in the path of a poor person or anywhere he or she was likely to sit. Others would place coins into the pocket of a pauper who was sleeping, while some others secretly carried bags of food supplies on their backs and left them on the doorsteps of those in need.

Imam Ali Zaynul Abidin, one of the grandsons of the Prophet, was one of those heroic souls. During the time of this blessed person who devoted his life to true servanthood to God Almighty, society was afflicted by unbearable poverty. Many of the poor would find food and clothes they desperately needed mysteriously left at their doors with a note allowing them to use it at no cost. They did not know who was leaving the bags until one morning, after many years, they found nothing at their doors. Nothing had been left that night for anyone. People were wondering what the reason for that was, and then they heard somebody announcing “Imam Ali has died!” The caretaker who washed the body of this blessed man before his funeral saw a huge callus formed on the imam’s back. The imam had carried bags of food and clothes to the poor for twenty-seven years, and no one had known about it. It did not matter, for it is only God’s pleasure that counts as the goal, and God knew what Zaynul Abidin was occupied with.

People like Zaynul Abidin fixed their eyes on God’s good pleasure and they chose to race without competition along the track of servanthood. Just as they did not envy others, they were also careful not to provoke others by contaminating their donations with ostentation, praise, and indebtedness. This was their way of investing in the afterlife and earning God’s pleasure, and the Qur’an describes it as tanafus.

[reedsmeer-blog]

♔  →  westeros  presents  MEERA  REED,  the  LADY  in  GREYWATER  WATCH.  a  raven  sent  word  that  she  bear(s)  the  resemblance  to  JESSICA  BROWN  FINDLAY.  the  TWENTY  EIGHT  year  old  CIS  FEMALE  was  ALERT  &  AFFECTIONATE  before  the  dawn  of  war,  but  have  now  become  INTRANSIGENT  &  STOIC.  when  songs  are  sung,  their  verses  speak  of  THE HAND STRETCHING THE WIRE, ALL CALLOUSES, ALL BLOOD; DARK HAIR DAMP WITH SNOW AND SWEAT, STICKING TO EVERY BIT OF SKIN; THE ELATION OF DISCOVERY IN THE FORM OF A GRIN, EXHAUSTED BUT BEYOND SATISFIED.  whispers  throughout  the  seven  kingdoms  claim  that  their  allegiance  lies  with  HOUSE  STARK,  but  fealty  means  little  when  you  play  the  game  of  thrones.  (  cams,  19,  gmt,  she/her.  )

i. meera's first years were filled with stories, some she knew to be true, others simply legend, but some were a mystery she's yet to uncover. those words filled her head with folklore and tales of the past, which she carried with her like the chains of a maester - meera was known as the storyteller, retelling those tales to younger children with all of her theatricals, whispering sad songs of long gone knights and other characters of the outside world, telling her little brother jojen all the things father had taught them, just so the boy could say if she made the stories justice. perhaps she'd write it all down in a book, like those her mother kept, bound in old wrinkly leather. or perhaps she never would, respecting the ages old tradition of the crannogmen and hiding every whisper beneath the water, where no outsider could come and then leave.

ii. her father taught her how to yield her very first weapon, a frog spear. from him, she got that, and the scale armor, all in bronze, which her father had made specifically for her. once he let that fester, meera broke off on her own, pursuing whichever skills she deemed fit for an heiress, for a hunter, for a survivor. with the help of many amongst her people, she could climb trees in near silence, become a whisper in the leaves, a swimmer so subtle she gave no sign on life in the still green waters. she knew of places outside of their small bubble, where some girls would spend the same time preparing for dances and embroidering handkerchiefs, and sometimes meera would wonder what that must have felt like, but the surrounding fields of the neck were all she had ever seen, and that life remained the object of stories and songs, nothing else.

iii. lord stark was dead, long live the wolf king. the reeds knew nothing but loyalty, serving their lord well, but that was more than getting caught in the middle of a war - she'd grown up with the tales of the wolf pack, who her father loved so dearly. the she-wolf, who meera so wanted to have met. the wild wolf, a legend forgotten. the young pup - she wondered what had become of him. and the quiet wolf, a righteous man whose letters always made father so happy. a just lord who hadn't asked for the burden of the title. not long after, the two reed siblings were on their way to a mission explained only by the gifts that the two reed men had. of course, who was meera to question them? her spear was guided by their visions, their dreams, their curses. if they pointed out the way, meera would carve it for them.

iv. this isn't my war. sometimes the terrible thought got stuck in her gut, vile sickness threatening to pour out almost immediately. jojen and brandon were blessed with mystical abilities she could only observe and follow, lost inside their own heads or souls, driving them from place to place, even when she insisted on other paths. it was robb's war. it was jojen's pursuit. it was bran's destiny. she pushed the thought away every time, devoting more and more of herself to their goals, even if it killed her - it went beyond loyalty or political alignments, they were her family. all of them, including hodor, summer, shaggydog, little rickon, even osha. the world was wide and they were only small but huddled together, the group made up a mighty force. and so she stayed, even when she wasn't heard, even when she couldn't understand, and every farewell broke her heart in bits. the softness in her that the northern cold couldn't harden made the journey a much more personal one. what would come after was a much harder question she did not dare ask.

v. the neck needed her. saying goodbye to bran, no matter how temporary, broke every shard she believed to have left, and the girl who waved goodbye to her home was not the same who returned. more aware than ever of the incoming threat, meera knew her duty was with the reeds, which she needed to help protect - greywater watch is the final stronghold on the north, and in troubling times such as these, no southern threats can pass, and no long nights can either. more than ever, she is determined to carve out a path for herself, earning a role that's active in the war that is here and the wars to come. her training has been relentless, she followed her mother and father to every call from their folk, and her stories are more tragic, filled with tales of dying northerners, burnt down villages and blue-eyed creatures.

vi. howard reed was a stepping stone. unlike his predecessors, he yearned for something he could only find outside of the neck and he fought for it, venturing into the great world that was so hostile to him, fighting amongst others, visiting great castles and seeing things he'd only heard of in songs. meera shares that adventurer's heart, but amplified. his stories were the beginning of a wish she can no longer contain, not after she's seen so many glimpses of the world from her journey with the stark princes. from great mountains to the shore and the sea, to the very top of the great wall, meera had a wisful smile stuck to her lips even in some dire situations, and it was not enough. she felt so inspired by what she saw and all the potential of what she could yet see that there is no other way but into the great outside world, to explore and visit all corners she can, to see the small shops and the big landscapes and the terrible battles and the tallest castles. everything they have to teach her is out there for the taking, and meera knows it will not only make her a better person, a better fighter and a better reed, but also more fulfilled than she ever could be, should she only be stuck in greywater watch.

vii. the loyalty of the reeds is something eternal, and meera very much caries that torch too. while she is no tactical commander or mighty fighter, her weapons are the wolf king's and she has expressed her willingness to use them for his war.

BITS AND PIECES

howland stark was picked up from the ground by the starks, armored, sheltered, cared for. he followed ned to the ends of westeros, fought for him, and in the very end committed treason for him, keeping to himself the terrible secrets of the tower of joy. he !! pulled ned away from lyanna's dead body and you can't tell me he didn't take it upon himself to deal with the brunt of the logistics to get lyanna back to winterfell just so ned didn't have to suffer through that too. house reed is not just the geographical line of defense for the north, they are the stark shield - not only did meera grow up hearing stories of this great family they pay vassalage to, she got the exact same faith. she would have gone to the end of the world and back for bran and rickon, and honestly same thing applies for any other stark because she believes so damn much in their core values and their honor !! don't talk to me about the endless loyalty the reeds have for the starks, i'm so upset.

the reeds are faithful, and for long so was she. be it to the old gods or to some ancient powers that went far beyond her comprehension, they guided her towards some higher purpose and blessed jojen for a reason. before falling asleep, she'd often whisper to herself, sometimes the names of nearly forgotten gods or promises and questions to those she did not have a name to call by. however, she got very few answers. if anything, it doesn't seem like the gods have been cruel towards her, it seems as if they've abandoned the girl, or never been there at all. the stories that have for so long guided her seem ever more hollow and her personal prayers more pointless. there's quiet anger building up within meera that only gets amplified after every tragedy and she doesn't know for how much longer she can pretend it is not there. damn the green dreams, the wolves in bran's eyes, the prayers and the smiling trees and the rituals - they keep leading her to the same place of loss and confusion, and the only significant piece of the impossible puzzle is human action, defiant or in spite of the gods, doing whatever the hell they deem to be the way.

after her return home, she got some leather-bound bits of parchment where she's been drawing and writing down stuff about the things she's seen, much like an adventures journal. whenever she leaves greywater watch, she brings a couple along, even if only to jolt down the name of small towns.

her loyalty does not equal compliance. meera respects the starks and her family, and does listen to them most of the time, but she is defiant to any reasonings she cannot agree with and stubborn to a very obvious fault. she WILL be heard, even if that means harsher words, or shouts that pierce through what's usually a gentle amused demeanor.

while she doesn't have the mythical aspect of many in her family, the woman has a profound connection to nature. growing up, she'd play in the shallower ponds and the branches of mossy trees - walking barefoot along slippery stones, ancient fossils, near the jaws of predators; meera is at her most centered when she's in direct contact with the life that she shares the world with.

even though greywater watch did not have a maester, there were many skilled people all around her who shaped her knowledge, aided by the extensive personal library her mother kept. herbology was always a particularly interesting topic, although always bested by the hidden arts and folklore. she can often be found collecting plants that catch her eye, saving them for future use should they be of help.

she would fight every being in the world for her little brother. and she trusts him and his wisdom so so deeply, even if sometimes she just wants to get rid of all the mythicisms and inject some pragmatism into situations. do not touch jojen.

her moral compass sometimes isn't the greatest. her pragmatism gets in the way of righteousness, and she has and will consider things like theft and murder should that make the most sense for the problem at hand. however, those around her, especially jojen, can always easily bring her back to her good values.

meera is NICE. i think the stereotype of the 'not a lady, had weapons, isn't in a dress' often leads to hardening the character, but meera really is not that. there's an inherent softness in her, which she often demonstrates in physical touch, by squeezing people's hands, gently caressing shoulders, placing kisses on the top of their heads. she is kind and gentle and cheerful, and often has a smile on her lips, unwilling to let herself sulk in her own pity and tragedy (at most, she'll leave that for quiet moments with herself, get it done with and return to being a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how flickering).

check her STATS & PINTEREST !

[roshellrp]

NAME: alicia eden dawson  

AGE: 24

GENDER & PRONOUNS: cis-female, she/her

LENGTH OF TIME IN ROSWELL: her whole life

OCCUPATION: server at the crashdown cafe

FC: zoey deutch  

I do not want to be human. I want to be myself.

heather and jesse dawson were thrice reborn religious fanatics who moved to a neat little house just outside of roswell all the way from sweet suburban mississippi because they felt some kinda way for the mythos of aliens that permeated the town. alicia was the product of their union, born just months after they touched down in that world famous desert. her childhood was spent with her older sister, mostly in their home with the dusty horizon as a backdrop, but she claimed roswell as her hometown all the same. living a little cut off was their parents’ choice, not hers.

she’d often felt like the god she grew up hearing about wasn’t all he was said to be  —  ‘specially since the bibles scattered throughout their home growing up, each one bearing different scrawls in the margins, had some choice words on divorce. well, divorce, and adultery, and coveting thy neighbors wife.

( alicia figured that went for husbands, too )

alicia’s parents were her parents, but her older sister was only her mama’s. her older sister was nearing on ten years older than alicia, swept up in the cross country move when alicia herself was just a baby bump. sure, jesse treated the older girl with the same fervent, reverent affection he gave alicia. something about children being the path to the future and the future paving way for heaven and his two girls, specifically, inheriting the earth. something about the purity of youth and the holiness inherent in purity. something.

older sister dearest’s father and dearest father’s wife were left in the dust in m-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i because they just didn’t get it: heather and jesse were meant to be. god said so. never-mind that their god sure did seem to contradict himself a lot.

the thing was, roswell, new mexico was just one stop on their never ending road-trip to salvation. it had a history suburban mississippi didn’t, and it had a near-neighborless home for sale; that just made it the easiest option when they first ran off. the history of the crash and the celestial importance they’d assigned to it was icing on the cake, but they had other pilgrimages to make, other dreams shining bright in their gaze; alicia was often left alone in their cluttered home with her big sister while the adults hunted down preachers and prophets and miracles and mysteries.

the girl was older than little alicia, sure. but she was still a kid. she barely knew more than alicia when it came to ‘the hell do we gotta do to get by?’

still. the two of them seemed to know more than their parents there, so the sisters seemed to do alright. especially on the outside. no one seemed to notice much how much responsibility was left on their shoulders. no one seemed to notice how much it might mess with your head to grow up in a house so full of a theology being made up as it went along. the girls could spout fire and brimstone bible verses more easily than nursery rhymes, sometimes. they knew more about the coming apocalypse than they did disney princesses. the could spout bullshit on the blessings aliens would bring the faithful better than they could spout their favorite boyband.

but the two of them were just so good at feigning normal that no one in roswell seemed to wonder much about the sweet little sisters from the outskirts of town. the town attracted all kinds of strange people, so never mind any questions the girls raised  —  there were larger questions at play. it made things simpler on their parents, but nothing was ever made simple for the two of them.

luckily  —  that is, with a loose definition of the word luck  —  alicia’s big sister’s daddy came a-calling one fateful day, seemed to think he’d waited long enough to be able to talk sense into his wife’s head. seemed to think it’d be nothing now, to get her to kick alicia’s own daddy to the curb. of course it wasn’t so simple; he thought jesse and heather leaving for roswell had been a whim, something he could let pass while writing letters to his daughter. he had no way of knowing each letter sent ended up in the fire before it saw his kid’s hands. and he had no way of knowing he’d never possess the right words to sway his fanatic of a wife.

oh, but his logic sure did seem sound to alicia. it hurt to think as much, though, because she’d seen the shaky looks he threw her. a girl who looked enough like heather to almost escape notice as someone noteworthy. but a girl who seemed to carry something in the set of her shoulders that he knew he’d have never passed down himself. in those moments, those nights before he left his wife like she’d left him  —  alicia felt wrong. her own father had always looked her in the eyes with too much adoration and a promise that she’d inherit the earth. it was love, wasn’t it? and this thing, that felt so much the opposite, well, it must’ve been hate. she was a dawson girl, brought up in a household of absolutes. things might contradict themselves eventually, but they were always black and white.

nothing much changed with her parents after the man blew into town and blew right back out. but something changed with her, and something sure as hell changed with her sister. it was rough, bein’ a child kept hidden from her father. and it was rough, bein’ a child who someone could hate. mama and daddy still left on their trips. but now those weeks on end felt to alicia like relief.

her and her big sister floundered to do right by each other when they were left alone, but it was nice. knowing they knew each other, knowing they knew better.

alicia had a mind full of the rapture and a heart full of questions, a heart slowly filled with anger as the years went on. because, well, noneof what these adults were telling her seemed to check out. her parents contradicted themselves over and over and over, those black and white absolutes fading to muddy greys. it was slapdash and feverish and seemed like the kind of thing you couldn’t just shove blind faith into; any trust she’d still had in her parents crumbled as she realized all they did was shove blind faith at things. the things they said didn’t check out with the things her teachers at school did. and they sure as hell didn’t check out with the things her friends told her.

she couldn’t recall the moment she first realized no one else had had to grow up like she did. raising herself with the help of her sister, fighting just to stay afloat in a sea of lies and beliefs. she grew to seek out things that were the exact opposite of what they believed in.

( she imagined, one day, looking her father in his shining eyes and asking: what if she had no desire to inherit his earth? what if she didn’t want it? )

when she was still a kid but her sister was barely an adult ( now, finally ) the older girl cast her gaze to alicia and the two shared an understanding. they could do just fine on their own, in a more permanent sense, and so: they got the hell outta dodge. easy as pie. as much as they could, anyway. they pooled money ( from jobs her sister’d taken behind their parents back, and money alicia had taken out from under their noses ) and stuck it in a bank account. they took what they could from that and got an apartment. the hell outta dodge just meant roswell proper, but that was fine. they did their best to live their lives this way. to alicia, it seemed like both of ‘em were doing their best to pretend this new normal was the way it’d always been. she found that was fine.

their parents barely seemed to notice them gone, thank god. alicia wasn’t sure how any attempts at emancipation would’ve gone, wasn’t prepared yet to denounce them all the way. it was better like this. she visited them every once in a while, when heather and jesse were in town and she could stomach them.

and alicia turned her itching fingers to tarot cards and pilfered alcohol, carefree laughter and friends on friends on friends. she’d always gone to school in roswell, but never had she had people she could talk to ‘bout home, people she could have sleepovers with and talk crushes to. she was greedy for the human contact. alicia would make friends with anyone, then, if it meant not being alone. she took up track and swim team, because she needed something; something for when the friends and the occult and the parties couldn’t fill her up. she tried to do right by her sister, ease the way for her by getting good grades and not getting caught when she did something reckless.  it was more of the same: feigning normalcy enough that everyone looked at the pair of them and didn’t see anything wrong.

alicia played at a duality of finding magic real and un-real all at once. acted like she didn’t worry about her eternal soul every time she fingered the crystals kept in her pocket and the second-hand books on magic in her bedroom. pretended that her thrift store crystal ball was somehow the wildest thing in a town built on the idea of aliens.

the thing was: she’d never bought into her parents’ vision of god. but she had bought into god, a little bit, in her own way. that faith felt dirty to alicia. how could she let herself believe in something like that, like god, when she’d seen how much it soured in her parents? in her and her sister? and even worse  —  she could not believe in aliens. lotsa normal people took a faith in god too far, too weird, but only wackjobs did the same for their faith in other-worldly beings.

the witchcraft, the talk of spells and demons, the devil-may-care attitude, making light of the town’s history and acting like she’s never worried about her own past grabbing her by the throat one day  —  it was child’s play, for alicia. for the girl so used to pretending. she loved her friends, and loved the way she could lose herself in things. in magic; because she could feel something there anytime she took to her crystals or cards with a modicum of true intent. she could lose herself in anything. both the benignly young things and the acts that bordered on sacrilege.

but alicia felt like she will always have to keep parts of herself locked away if she wanted to keep anything at all.  

when she graduated from high school, she thought about college. thought long and hard about how no one she met in some big city dorm would get how she’d grown up. how they wouldn’t get roswell, new mexico. and how they sure as hell wouldn’t get her parents. she pictured explaining how sometimes her hippy-dippy magic stuff felt real, thought about boys asking after the lone sister that’d helped her move in, imagined the girls who’d judge her dusty books and secondhand wardrobe and spell candles. wondered how the hell she’d read tea leaves in a dining hall and if she’d ever feel settled at some school when sometimes she barely felt settled in her hometown. so alicia graduated with good enough grades and a fast enough breaststroke to get scholarship money for a decent school, and absolutely no desire to go to one. she took a job in roswell and spent a year fucking around before she found an online degree program. she dreamed of moving out of town and someday living by the water  —  but she knew she’d never have the guts.

it was easy enough to focus on work by day and submit essays and online discussions at night. it was easy enough to smile at tourists as she worked with ‘em and make fun of ‘em as soon as she clocked out. it was easy enough to stay by her sister and her friends and the town she wasn’t sure she could ever leave and pretend all the while she’d never had another option.

alicia, at her heart, was a liar. she talked a good game about not believing in god or aliens, about being invincible, about the way nothing fazed her. but she still prayed when it was dark and she had no one else to talk to. and she couldn’t help but hope sometimes she wasn’t alone in the universe. and she wondered if it made her too breakable, bearing scars from a childhood where nothing really bad ever happened. and she wondered if anyone could see how scared she was of change. there was a gift in being a liar, though: light enough candles, take enough shots, wear enough grins, and she could almost trick herself into thinking things might finally be okay.  

ALICIA is penned by ZOE