#Thank you all for an awesome 6 months B*) You guys have pushed my way more out of my shell (pun intented) than I would-

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

It's the 6 month anniversary of this blog! Check out these cool bugs I found.

Part 2 - Part 3

[tigerdrop]

in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that

ta-dah

ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11

so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)

basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out

now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME

he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)

the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"

(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)

vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping

jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off

and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away

and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try

(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise

and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him

unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey

now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.

and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.

(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind

so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)

but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this

lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play

but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later

and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not

i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic

it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)

it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.

and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"

and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"

normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff

its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!

i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?

well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro

anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)

“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion

and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so  hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head

gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is

and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair

so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.

and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).

benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog.  he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is

benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful

so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried

point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best

benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.

he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words

hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus

benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher

he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.

gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!

but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.

anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.

for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.

and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.

gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.

the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!

gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.

benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth

and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—

and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.

then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.

once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself

he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.

“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”

“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”

and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—

except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and—

and—

oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.

then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”

“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”

“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”

“im not a bad dog!”

“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”

(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

Illicit Affairs

A/N: Okay so the ages and timing on this story don’t make much sense but just overlook that, maybe? I don’t know you’ll see but just try to ignore it if you can for the sake of the story. Also I know it’s been forever since I posted but it’s because I’ve been working on this series, so yeah. Pairing: Gerard Way x F!Reader Word count: 2,488 Warnings: I don’t think any.

Your Uncle Frank was one of your number one supporters through it all, and by far one of your closest family members.

You had known him since you were 13, as he and your Aunt Jamia (who was your mother’s sister) had met early in high school and had been dating since. Now that you were 20 and in college, triple majoring at NYU, he was once again your biggest supporter, helping you financially at every opportunity he could. You always felt so guilty for the thousands of dollars he insisted on paying monthly to help you get through college with little to no student debt, but he was insistent.

And of course you knew that money came from his now wildly successful band My Chemical Romance. You had been to a few My Chem shows, but had surprisingly never actually met any of the guys, besides Ray who you accidentally met while dropping off some coffee for Frank at the recording studio. You were actually a pretty big fan of their music, but you never broadcasted that your uncle was Frank Iero. That remained pretty private.

But here you were, driving to one of their shows for the soundcheck from Frank’s New York apartment, which you were staying at for the summer because A. You were taking summer classes and B. He offered to pay you to dog/house sit while he was touring, since Jamia consistently had work that sometimes meant she had to travel.

You pulled up to the large venue, showing security the backstage pass that Frank had given you, before being escorted into the main arena, where empty spaces for chairs lurked open, a few maintenance and sound people running around and fiddling with various things. You looked up to see some of the guys sitting down in a circle having a conversation. Frank noticed you almost immediately, getting up with a big smile and running up to you, engulfing you in a hug, and you hugged him back. “How’s my favorite neice?” He asked and you lightly laugh.

“Great, you?” You asked and he smiled back.

“Great.” It was funny to be shorter than Frank, only be a few inches, but still, making you the shortest in both the family and in most social situations. He walked you over to where everyone else was, introducing you in general as everyone got up to shake your hand. You already knew Ray, who gave you a hug, but you had never met the other three.

First was Mikey, who seemed shy and a little awkward, but was pretty adorable. Then came Bob, who seemed chill, and finally Gerard. You had to admit he was pretty handsome both on and off stage, but you pushed some confidence forward so you wouldn’t chicken out. “I’m Gerard.” He shook your hand with a kind smile.

“Y/N.” You responded, shaking it back. You could see your uncle eyeing the both of you from the corner of your eye, but you weren’t totally sure why. Was your crush on Gerard that obvious. You pulled away a moment, somewhat nervously with the conscious that at least your uncle knew, meaning other people probably did too.

You all sat down in a group as the guys began asking questions about you and what you were doing in school. All of them (besides Frank who already knew) were extremely surprised as you triple majoring, but you couldn’t help and notice how Gerard was fixated on you the entire time. After a bit of explaining stuff about you, everyone split up to go do their own thing. Ray, Mikey, and Frank all went off to begin tuning and testing their stuff while Bob did the same, but Gerard stayed back with you for a few minutes.

“Hey, this could be totally weird and awkward and not cool and you can totally say no,” Gerard began, quietly to you when no one was around, “But would you mind if I got your number? I mean I could ask Frank but your his niece so that might be awkward and-” “No, no, it’s fine.” You lightly smiled, as if to reassure him. You pulled a sticky note and pen out of your backpack, writing it down, “Here.” You smiled at him, handing it over. “But I would advise you don’t tell Frank, because he might, ya know-” “Yeah, yeah, trust me, I know.” He said and the two of you lightly laughed. “Are you gonna be at the show tonight?” He asked and you nodded, “Cool, cool. Have you been to one before.” You nodded again.

“A few times, actually, I’ve just never gotten to meet you guys.” You lightly smiled.

“Cool, cool.” He responded. You could tell how awkward both of you felt, each of you having the urge to keep the conversation going but it just wasn’t there. “So I should probably go and start sound check, ya know. But it was awesome meeting you, Y/N.” Gerard smiled.

“You too.” You smiled back.

“I’ll see you around?” “See you around.” You lightly waved as he jogged the other way.

You ended up excusing yourself and saying bye, with the excuse that you had more school work to do, when in reality you just needed some air as your mind continued to process the idea that the Gerard Way just asked for your number. He was so nervous and cute about it that in a way it made you all the more happy getting to know him briefly, but he was nothing like how he was on stage. The confidence that seemed to erupt in him was all wiped away as he just seemed like a nervous outcasted teenage boy in a band, which maybe to an extent he was.

Gerard, on the other hand, was set on the idea that he had just fucked over any shot he had with you. And from what you had explained, you seemed like the perfect girl. Not only were you absolutely gorgeous to him, but you were kind, funny, and smart. And you seemed to have some tom boy in you, which only made you that much more attractive to him to send him mind into overdrive. He wasn’t sure that the perfect girl ever existed, until you walked in.

And he was shocked that you were single. Sure, you had a lot on your plate and probably not enough time for a relationship, but any boy or man would be insanely lucky to have you. But there he stood, mentally punching himself at how stupid he acted. And ideally he would have gone and ranted to the guys, but the moment Frank heard he was interested in you, he knew he was dead meat. Frank may have only been 5′6 but he could pack a punch if he wanted to.

And besides, you were eight years younger than him. And while that didn’t matter to him, and clearly to you it didn’t either, that would most likely be looked down upon by most other people. “It’s pretty obvious.” Mikey came up to him behind the stage, “You’re just going to have to deal with the wrath of Frank eventually.” The two looked over at the short man who was clearly pissed in some way.

It wasn’t until that night at the concert that your worries fluttered away. You had invited a few friends, who were all jumping, screaming, and dancing as you did the same in the pit. Gerard had taken the crowd by his hand with ease starting with their opener, and flawlessly sang and entertained everyone. You were genuinely having the time of your life, and even when the show ended you were still riding high from the buzz of adrenaline that the show gave.

You ran back stage, giving Frank a hug and he hugged you back. “You guys did awesome!” You sighed out, still in awe with a huge smile on your face. “It was absolutely incredible.”

“Thanks, Y/N/N.” Frank smiled back down at you.

“Y/N/N?” Ray asked, with a confused look.

“Yeah, it’s been her name in the family since she was like two.”

“Okay, Y/N/N.” Ray smiled at you and you smiled back. You couldn’t help but look over Ray’s shoulder, seeing Gerard standing back with Mikey drinking lots of water, for obvious reasons. You briefly excused yourself to go talk to them.

“Hey,” You walked up to Gerard and smiled, he immediately looked back, putting his water down and smiling back at you tiredly. “You did awesome.” You preached, “Like, actually, you did insane.” “Thanks.” He lightly laughed, “Glad you enjoyed.” You nodded. “Hey Mikey.” You looked at the skinny boy who waved back.

“You did pretty great too.” “Thanks.” He smiled, saying goodbye and departing from the two of you shortly after. Gerard pulled out a box of cigarettes, taking one in his mouth, and motioning them towards you, a way of asking. You shook your head.

“I’m alright, thanks.” He nodded, pulling a lighter out of his pocket and lighting the stick. He took a deep breath in, letting the smoke come out through his mouth only a few moments later.

“So you don’t smoke?” He asked next, casually. You shook your head, “Smart.” He lightly smiled. “It’s pretty fucking annoying.” You lightly laughed.

“Thanks for the advice.” You smiled.

Only a few seconds later you were called out by the rest of the guys, sitting outside their tour bus and drinking some beer. You noticed Gerard had none, and opted for just some water, you doing the same instead. For you it was pretty obvious, you were 20 and weren’t of the legal age to drink. But for Gerard it would seem off to most people, but of course Frank had told you all about how only a few months prior he was an alcoholic and had gotten sober, so naturally you didn’t blame him one bit for skipping out on the alcohol.

“Hey Y/N, want some?” One of the guys on tour asked. You shook your head. “Oh c’mon, it’ll be fun!” The guy continued to insist.

“Nah, I’m alright.” You said. It was pretty annoying when guys asked you to drink, because you knew that it was to get you to a point of being drunk only to get laid. Or even worse, the fear that the drink could be laced. Either way, you weren’t taking a chance.

“Are you sure-” “Hey man, back off.” Gerard, who was sitting next to you, spoke, “She said no.” “I’m pretty sure she can speak for herself.” The dude smirked and fired back, thinking he did something.

“And she already did speak. She said no.” He said firmly, more aggressive this time, “You’re on this fucking tour because you’ve been hired by my band. So I would suggest you leave her the fuck alone before you lose your job, buddy.” Gerard snapped. The other guys eyes just went wide, walking away in surrender.

“You didn’t have to do that, ya know?” You looked over at him, and he gave you a confused look, “Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate it, but it happens all the time.”

“Well it shouldn’t.” He sighed, “But you’re smart enough to know that. No offense, and this is not meant to be sexist, but a lot of girls your age don’t know that.” “Yeah, I know,” You admitted, “I’ve seen it happen one too many times.” Both of you obviously became slightly uncomfortable with the situation at hand, prompting Gerard to begin another conversation.

“So what do you like to do?” He asked, “Outside of school, of course.” “I don’t know,” You sighed, “I love to write, I have since I was younger. Reading goes a long with that, I’ve read comics since I was a kid too. I know that probably sounds stupid but-” “You read comics?” He asked, slightly shocked. You nodded, “What kinds?” “I started out with Marvel, since my dad collected Marvel as a kid. Then I got into DC, Watchmen in specific, I never got into the Justice League because I didn’t really see the relevance of it, but I liked the Avengers a lot.” He nodded and smiled.

“That’s pretty cool, ya know. Not really stupid in my book.” He lightly laughed, “I actually went to school to be a comic book writer.” “Really?” You asked, adjusting yourself in your seat and he nodded. “No way.” “Yeah, I did. But it was a rough time in the comics industry and nothing really worked out.” You nodded, understanding.

“Do you still do anything with comics?” You asked next.

“Yeah, I do.” He said, “In my free time I love to draw, I have this current project I’m working on, I’m not sure what it’s going to be called, but it’s like this weird super hero family type thing, but they’re all adopted, and this guys makes his kids a super hero team? That probably doesn’t make a lot of sense.” You lightly laughed.

“Not totally, but what I get from it, it sounds pretty awesome.” You admitted, “I think that would be pretty cool, and original. Which is something everyone wants when it comes to comics.” He nodded.

“It probably wouldn’t be hard to get it published now with this whole band thing.” You nodded.

“Well, if you ever need a second opinion on it, don’t hesitate to ask. Although I know it can sometimes be hard to show off your work.”

“I’ll definitely take you up on that.” He smiled. You got a vibration from your phone, which you checked. It was one of your friends, but glancing at the time your anxiety rose.

“Shit,” You muttered, “Hey, so I know we were just starting to actually talk and all, and I really don’t want to end that, but I kinda have to get back and-” “Hey, hey, don’t worry.” Gerard lightly smiled, “You’re really busy. It’s totally fine.” “You sure?” You asked again and he nodded.

 “Yeah, of course.” He nodded, “Here, let me at least walk you out to your car.” “No, you don’t have to do that-” “Trust me, it’s alright.” He insisted, getting up and walking besides you under the night sky.

“It was really great meeting you.” You smiled up at Gerard as you two stood outside your car.

“You too, Y/N.” He smiled down. “This may be too soon, and it probably is, but I asked for your number after like five minutes of knowing you so I guess we are moving fast. Anyways, I’m rambling.” He stuttered a little, “But would you want to go out with me sometime.” You smiled.

“Yeah, of course.” You responded, “Just text or call me and we’ll work something out.” “Oh, okay, awesome.” He smiled. “Bye Y/N. Get home safe, okay?” “Bye, Gerard, and I will.” You said and got into your car.

[gotravel2fly]

The secret of the cross country flying

@Yassen Savov Paragliding

Because of all the new Coronavirus lockdown and the shitty weather after that, I managed to gather only about 20 hours flying until July, which is amazingly poor and low level, after all the magic flying last season. But traveling in 2020 is quite a challenge for everybody. So, after many plans going with the wind (only metaphorically speaking, unfortunately!) I decided to give it a go with an XC course/guided distance flying in Bulgaria, Sopot area.

Sopot is a small city on the southern part of the Balkans mountains, around 1h30 drive from Sofia, a 4h30 drive from Bucharest and a place where I’ve been a few times before. It is a cool place to fly and the weather here can be good for flying many days in a row especially in July and August, so I guess that makes it a reliable option close to Bucharest. It can be rough, it can be bumpy, but it can be flyable, so according to the experience of the pilot, it can be very rewarding or unsatisfying, even frustrating. In this magical place, where you can eat a great ice-cream right at the lift, good Bulgarian food at Rodeo, and talk to many nice and friendly pilots, I decided to learn to fly better.

One of the instructors is Niki Yotov from Skynomad,  the one who told me about the course. He has been flying for over 20years and he knows very well the area,  the particularities and the aerology of these mountains. He is a very good pilot and the one who managed the logistics for the course.

The other instructor is Yassen Savov, one of the best competition pilots World level, European champion and a crazy funny guy. I didn’t know Yassen before this, but I’m glad that I’ve met him now, he’s cool and I enjoyed very much flying with him. I hope that, at some point, my skills will be sharper so I can fly like him.

I figured that was a good combo for the guiding team, so I went along, it seemed the right thing to do. I also told Andrei Turnu, so that I can share the experiences with someone I knew. This is the link of the course, on Yassen’s site https://www.yassensavov.com/sopot-bulgaria-26-july-1-august/

The headquarters was at the nest www.nest.bg, Niki’s place, which I highly recommend because it really has good vibes, cool atmosphere flying-related and the place where we also had our theory sessions during the course, briefings and debriefings every day.

As the first day was forecasted with some overdeveloping of the clouds, we adapted somehow to the conditions. I know it is a small flight, but it was hard work there :)).

https://www.xcontest.org/world/en/flights/detail:raluca_dd/26.7.2020/11:14

The task was too optimistic for the day, but I had a really nice flight with Yassen and managed to turn back to the main landing place. I guess that we got the best what we could from that day as the plan changed accordingly. Honestly, if I were alone, I would go land much earlier, so the fact that we fly with the instructors is a good motivation for me. In bumpy air, I usually decide to land than to continue to struggle, but I guess that was just my lack of determination until now.

The course is held in this area, but actually not only in Sopot, as we ended in 2 hours drive take off from Sopot only on the second day. Some of the guys managed to fly very well and quite far by themselves or with the instructors, which is a very good thing. I managed to bomb-out twice, so not the best day for me. The conditions were not that bad actually, as it was proved by the others’ flights, but tricky for me, as it was a small hill near Plovdiv, with a quite strong wind at the take-off and some turbulent air, which I love by the way… So I took off, climbed in a thermal and then lost it on the way… It happens, I guess, but I decided I need some ballast in order to load my paraglider better and my wing to stay more stable.

The trouble is, as I guess most of the paragliding girls and light pilots, that I fly an S size glider and I don’t really load it maximum. XS size would be way too small, so a 65-85 is a good range, me having around 78kg with my equipment on.

The next day I took 4litres of water but there were no significant changes, with Yassen waiting for me on every jump and in every thermal… I felt a bit ashamed of that because I really tried and did my best..but my glide ratio nor my speed didn’t want to cooperate.

https://www.xcontest.org/world/en/flights/detail:raluca_dd/28.7.2020/09:48

We managed to get back near Sopot and land on a nice golden field. Yassen having his anti-G parachute thrown on every glide (although he flew with a Rush 4) just to wait up for me, priceless…

https://www.xcontest.org/world/en/flights/detail:raluca_dd/29.7.2020/08:38 – This one was my PR FAI triangle! Note to self: insist more where you consider it should work, don’t give up just before getting there!

But with an extra 5-6 liters of ballast, I felt like this is something I really had to do for a long time… My Rush 5 flies soooo much better and faster than I would have expected being overloaded, it seems. So with 9 liters of water ballast… It was just perfect! My every-day-collapses were a bit rarer, thou stronger, turbulence didn’t seem that annoying and the speed was amazing compared to the day before! I really felt I could travel by flying my paraglider, and not only feeling like moving around by bus! So days of the pure pleasure of flying with full speed at cloud base in the Sopot area… A dream coming true! Not the numbers are important, but the landscapes I got to see, the feelings I got to feel.. Just amazing!

https://www.xcontest.org/world/en/flights/detail:raluca_dd/30.7.2020/09:04

The preset task was 100km out and return to the west of Sopot. Although I bombed out on this flight, it was one of the best flights so far, I managed to stay at cloud base the whole flight over the mountains and then I had a low-save on a golden field, from 160m above the ground right to the cloud base, which allowed me to travel back for a few more km until the shadow came on the valley. The better option was to stay more on the right side when going back to the take-off, as the north wind entered stronger later in the day over the mountain.

@Svetli, at the Sopot take-off, Rush 4 and Rush 5

I don’t know how people get to learn how to do efficiently distance flying, but for me, it did not come naturally. It takes a lot of work, frustration, bomb outs and that uncomfortable feeling that I cannot do this. But actually, I can.  I have learned a lot in the past year flying many hours in Colombia, India and around home, but I’ve learned even more in a few days on this course because the guys have worked hard on explaining how terrain should be approached, how the weather should be read, how the things should be working. And if you take it easy and shallow, it won’t work. You have to be committed to doing this. Every information should be processed and you should imagine very clearly the zoning in the air and the thermals and the clouds forming in order to get to fly far and fast.  Of course, this course was held with people flying B wings and not competition level wings. It was a bit overkill, in my opinion, as Yassen and Niki fly way better than teaching us how to tighten the 360 in a thermal and when to push the speed bar. What I mean is that this course can be held for advanced pilots who want to fly fast in competitions or open distances.

I know how much I annoy Vladut with my slow flying that he only very rarely has the patience to wait for me (actually only twice that happened..). But I guess patience is something everyone has to deal with.

@ Svetli, at the Sopot take-off

We had on this course incredible good weather, kinda tricky, but if you fly with the right people nearby, it can be awesome! The 6th day of the course was really amazing, as I guess no-one expected to be epic weather for the day. The forecasted strong North wind was not really that strong and let us fly to the east and then southeast, with incredible cloud base 3200+. After beautiful site seeing over the Botev Peak, we flew out from the mountains and traveled at the cloud base over the flatlands to the southern part of Kazanlic and then south passing by Stara Zagora.

https://www.xcontest.org/world/en/flights/detail:raluca_dd/31.7.2020/09:06

The preset task was to Haskovo, but the wind was too westerly on that part so the new plan was Bulgaria-Greece-Turkey border. So after 7h flight and many thermals away, the goal was completed by all the three students flying that day in the course… What a day! 175 km, a personal best of distance flying and airtime. We had 2 different routes, Jack and I were with Yassen and Andrei was with Niki, but we managed to land in the same spot. At the landing, the bus was waiting for us, many thanks to Ivan for the retrieval. Actually every day was very well organized and the retrieval bus came very fast every time.

This is the team for this flight, Ivan was taking the photo.

Best guiding ever,  I feel that I have made progress, I have learned a lot of things while flying but also in theory sessions. Amazing job, guys!

The 7th day of the course was also flyable though pretty strong NW wind at the Brestovitsa take off. I somehow managed to take off and then fly by myself for 45km  with tricky strong wind and complete the small task. https://www.xcontest.org/world/en/flights/detail:raluca_dd/1.8.2020/11:08

Overall, it was a really great experience this XC course, with 2 of the best instructors I could have for teaching me stuff about cross country flying, having epic and amazing flights every day for a week… That is very consistent weather in the Sopot area, but actually, Bulgaria has very good weather most of the time… I would really like to fly again with the guys and maybe see some new places to fly in the next months if Corona will allow us.

Oh, I forget to tell you about the secret of cross country flying… I actually missed that because Andrei and I were late for the beginning of the course and the secret had already been told :)))

[astarlightmonbebe]

i'm literally about to spam your inbox and i am so sorry i just have a lot to say and no one else to talk about dramas with lol i tried to cut it down as much as possible but it's still a lot please don't hate me

dude, i could never hate you!! i was really excited to see my inbox so full lol. let’s see if i can get them all into one answer haha.

omg you admire my dedication……. an angel thank you so much!! when i get into a show that i like i make sure to watch at least one episode a day, i don’t know why it’s just how my brain works and i thought it was dumb but apparently i’m just dedicated :D if you really want to, why not watch it a second time around!! you might catch some stuff you didn't the first time!! it might be smart to wait to rewatch until we're closer to season two so everything is fresh in your mind!! (1/9)

that’s actually a really solid way to go about things, and i’m glad it works out like that for you. i already told you i’m a hare brain when it comes to this stuff - i’ll rewatch shows i haven’t even finished lol, and i rewatch shows i’ve finished in sporadic bits because they’re comforting (i did that a lot during quarantine). i want to rewatch, but i want to time it right, you know? like during a time i can afford to get immersed in it, maybe after i’ve finished some shows that i should finish (i need to make a list for the summer...). also, i heard the release date for season 2 got pushed back to 2022 instead of 2021 because of covid...i don’t know if that’s confirmed though.

!!spoilers for the arthdal chronicles incoming!! my feelings for the characters in arthdal have literally changed so much. in one moment i’ll admire a character and then absolutely hate them the next and it’s a lot of fun LOL despite that my feelings have never changed for eunseom! i’ve always admired him and i have a lot of faith in him and he’s just such a good person! (2/9)

i know, it’s like a normal kdrama but it really feels like you’ve watched 3 kdramas in one, because of length and how much happens. eunseom is everyone’s no 1 boy, honestly. he never did anything wrong *insert that meme, or whatever*. 

that being said, i’m still a little scared of him being inaishingi and basically ruling the entirety of the ago tribe because as we’ve learned from the show, being in a position of power corrupts you, no matter what your intentions are so i’m a lil nervous but then i also remember that eunseom is eunseom so i’m worried for nothing lol (3/9)

(side note but i’ll be talking about this from memory and it’s been like 10 months SO) but even though he’s like a god, he’s not actually a god, not yet. and eunseom at his core is good - that being said, i know what you mean; honestly haven’t thought about that. i’m more scared that he won’t know how to lead, or that he’s not exactly equipped to lead a rebellion - more like i’m worried he might act in his own self interest instead of for all of ago, if you know what i mean? because he’s leading this whole group he’s not actually a part of.

i also like dalsae, xabara, tanya, chaeuun and the neanthals!!! i have so much to say about the neanthals omg i really wish we saw more of them but i also understand why we don’t. they’ve almost been completely wiped out of existence so they don’t really get involved with anything which i completely understand, i just wish!!!! that when rottip met eunseom that he would’ve said or done something. i waited all season for that moment, waiting for it to maybe happen and rottip just walked away (4/9

i understand why but :/ ipsaeng is kind of a bastard but i still like him a lil bit. i also really like mubaek and yangcha even though they’re like. bad guys and members of the daekan forces (5/9)

one moment, i have to go remind myself who dalsae is...and oh, right, i do like him a lot! ipsaeng is pretty funny himself. and yes!!! the females in this show were awesome, especially xabara and chaeun and nunbyeol (tanya and taelha get their own category). yes!! when rottip and eunseom met, i really thought he would matter more to them, but i kind of understand why it went down like that...i think the other (hot) neanthal reminded rottip that they couldn’t really connect? ah, it was something like that. i had complicated feelings about it as well, but i hope that they’ll meet again in season 2 (and i hope nunbyeol wrecks arth with her sword, i remember when we first saw her fight with a sword in neanthal form; i was s c r e a m i n g).

mubaek is good, but also annoying. he knows this, but he’s complicit in all the evil actions going on. like, man, if you know that much,  you should use it to do something. knowledge is power! but he preferred to be sidelined and not do anything. yangcha is so hot...seriously, but i think he’s so interesting. the fandom needs to know why he has a mask on, there’s so many theories. i love how tanya could read his thoughts, but we still didn’t get many of them, but i think it shows how he’ll be more of a main character (hopefully) in season 2.

i know you asked for characters i like but i can’t help but mention the one character that i absolutely DESPISE. like saying i despise him doesn’t even truly explain my feelings for him (6/9)

I CANNOT STAND MUNGTAE he’s literal scum i hate him so much…. the fact that he betrayed eunseom and dalsae when they were literally coming to rescue him!! OH MY GOD and then everything that happened with teodae and eunseom having to see it and being traumatized by it………. i hate mungtae and i wish i wish he would face the actions of his consequences but there is no justice in arthdal so he will most likely get away scot free (7/9)

MUNGTAE CAN PERISH. he needed to have died in episode 1 seriously. it’s fine if you’re a coward, but not a snitch...everyone’s afraid, but at least they have a concept of loyalty. omg...teodae, the fact that eunseom got so traumatized by that made me want to sob. imagine you have a friend who you want to help save, but such friend loves their mind because of the situation they’re in and begins to believe the lies about you, tries to kill you, and then kills themselves in front of you...every episode of this show should have been titled: eunseom is wrecked and traumatized. again. part xx.

honestly, my hope is that tanya or eunseom straight up murders him. or dalsae. he can’t survive season 2, not on my watch.

a lot of people were complaining about the ending being vague or just not good in general, but i thought it was the perfect ending! the ending was relatively lackluster in the sense that nothing too crazy took place and what’s gonna happen next season was laid out relatively clear? i mean tagon wants to conquer the east and made a point to mention the ago tribe so i think we’re going see like eunseom’s return (?) as in he’s gonna actively become a problem for those in power in arth again (8/9)

i didn’t actually know people were saying that, because i thought the ending was so good. in my opinion, the whole finale of it serves to do two things which are a) tie up loose ends for season one and b) establish the continuation needed for season 2. arth was always going to continue, but it also builds suspense for season 2: there’s going to be a war, but tanya and eunseom are on different sides. saya knows he has a twin. AND there’s that awful women spy...she can perish as well. us clowns watching the show for the first time really thought we were going to get an eunseom and tanya reunion...we were played.

i’ve mainly watched like movies or variety shows for idols that i like but for some reason i never really got into kdramas until like right now. i’ve only seen 4 in total LOL but i’ve liked all of the shows that i’ve watched so i can’t complain. i’ve seen hello monster, arthdal, prison playbook and chocolate! (9/9)

oh, seriously? that’s amazing! i’ve watched 3/4, and right now i’m actually skimming through chocolate - i’m not really a fan of all the melo nonsense they have going on, so i’m mostly watching it for the sibling scenes and jun’s scenes haha...

and i’ve got this all in one ask, yes.

[like-twilight]

I’m jus’ gon do this cause why not I stole it from Here.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

According to my last.fm in the last seven days: 1: ATEEZ: Wave 2: ATEEZ: Illusion 3: ATEEZ: Win 4: TxT: Run Away 5: ATEEZ: Precious 6: ATEEZ: Say My Name

Guys. I like Ateez.

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

My sister.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

Well I ain’t standin’ up so here’s line 17 from page 23 of Vale which is on my computer.

““Well then, Your Highness,” I say and crouch down, trying to get a look of her face”

4: What do you think about most?

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad things.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

From a real person that’s not an automated message from a bank or a website it’s from my co-worker from October 26th that says “Ok I’ll do it, print it then I’ll replace it”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Well. PJ’s are clothes so.

7: What's your strangest talent?

I don’t think I have any.

8: Girls... (finish the sentence); Boys... (finish the sentence)

Girls not allowed. Boys also not allowed. Leave me alone. (My nb friends can come tho.)

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

If I did then the creator didn’t tell me :”D

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I... can’t recall.

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

Frogs.

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Maybe as a baby?

13: What's your religion?

I don’t belieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

I’m not outside. But I’d probably be going to work or the store or the post office.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Ateez!

17: What was the last lie you told?

“I’m okay!” #deep

18: Do you believe in karma?

god no!

19: What does your URL mean?

It’s a quote from Ateez’s Twilight.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I’m very depressed. Strength is probably that I’m still alive? Idk

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

Idk. Find a lot of famous people attractive I-? I Don’t have just like The Celebrity Crush. Jeong Yunho’s cute tho.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

No.

23: How do you vent your anger?

I throw a temper tantrum.

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Just a mason jar of my tears. Also every Ateez album released so far.

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Neither! Fucking email me, bro.

26: Are you happy with the person you've become?

God no :D

27: What's a sound you hate; sound you love?

Ambulance sirens hate. Fuckin... panflute I love.

28: What's your biggest "what if"?

What if I was a... giraffe.? Or a tardigrade. 

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I believe in things we can’t perceive scientifically or whatever. Not ghosts per se, like souls of dead people or whatever. Also yes to aliens.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Nothin I’m jus sittin on my bed. If I move my arms up and down a bit then my blanket and a bottle of water.

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

Nothin. Is just my room.

32: What's the worst place you have ever been to?

Uuuh a cemetery?

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

In America? Idk which is less racist in general?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

What’s an “opposite” gender? I know you mean male but I refuse to give into the cISSEXIST SCUm. 

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

I have no idea what that means.

36: Define Art.

the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.

37: Do you believe in luck?

Yes. But I’ve never been the lucky one unfortunately.

38: What's the weather like right now?

Uuuh I have to google it. Clear. 8°

39: What time is it?

21:30

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

No. But I probably would.

41: What was the last book you read?

Pfssssshhhh, one that wasn’t written by me? Fucks me, dude. Fault In Our Stars? The Death Cure? I can’t remember, it’s been years.

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yeah!

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Tia.

44: What was the last film you saw?

Uuuuuuuuhhh... UUUUHHHHHHHHH How to Train Your Dragon 3, it was nice.

45: What's the worst injury you've ever had?

Had a bleeding spine! Kinda miss it tbh.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

I probably haven’t tried, I’ve just tried to get them to land on me.

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

Uuuh I’m into Ateez these days.

48: What's your sexual orientation?

I’m byesexual.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Yes.

50: Do you believe in magic?

Again, I do believe things could exist we can’t scientifically explain but idk. Not in the Harry Potter magic way.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

No, cause I believe everything is my fault.

52: What is your astrological sign?

Aries.

53: Do you save money or spend it?

I save money TO spend. I think I found a healthy balance.

54: What's the last thing you purchased?

A fukin... bike. That’s like in your room. Not by accident but because it’s meant to be there.

55: Love or lust?

Like.. in what context? Love? Idk.

56: In a relationship?

Love.

57: How many relationships have you had?

None relationships.

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

I can’t.

59: Where were you yesterday?

Like on average? Or 24 hours ago exactly. Cause I was at work for eight hours and then I was just on my bed.

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Yeah, my phone case.

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

Ye.

62: What's your favourite animal?

Cat? Idk.

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

:DDDD If I had any then people would like me.

64: Where is your best friend?

???? 

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

I... I dunno? The ones I follow?

66: What is your heritage?

I don’t know what that means. Like what I’m gonna be remembered by? I whined a lot!

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Cried.

68: What do you think is Satan's last name?

Choi.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Why would I lie about masturbation. Yeah I did.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Fuck no.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog, fuck off.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) I am telling everyone. b) Be paralysed by fear and waste all of it. c) Yes, very much.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

I feel like that’s stupid. 

74: What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Illusion by Ateez these days. 

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

4153

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

I wouldn’t know, buddy.

77: How can I win your heart?

Just be nice to me and I’ll probably be emotionally attached to you for life, sorry.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

I don’t think insanity is the cause for any creativity. If an insane person is creative then they would be creative with a sound mind too.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Got into kpop, that was nice.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

42

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“Balled 2 hard lol”

82: What is your favourite word?

There are too many words.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Kokoro.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

I don’t think there is one.

85: What's the last song you listened to?

Treasure by Ateez.

86: Basic question; what's your favourite colour/colours?

Pink and yellow.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

A picture of.. Ateez... sorry.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Donald Trump.

89: What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

Uh, I think I’m p truthful, yeah. Ask me anything.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Scream. Maybe scramble on the floor and push past them if I can.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Immortality!

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Oh geez. I was on a carousel in Italy once, that was awesome.

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

The one that gave me depression idk which one it was but can it go away?

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Ehh, I don’t want that. Like... I don’t know those people, they could be Awful in bed or just in general too. Like I need an emotional bond first and they don’t even know me and I only know the persona they show to the public. Plus it could potentially ruin the music for me later on, it’d be weird, no thank you.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

UUUUUHHHHH I DUNNO Lyon cause Grenoble doesn’t have an airport. Well, actually my sister isn’t in Grenoble right now. Hm well if I grab my card before I go then I can just find a hotel there until she comes home.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

I don’t think so? 

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

I had to throw up in a car and then asked the driver to stop the car so I can throw up outside the car.

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yes. Seven times. SEVEN TIMES? Yeah, holy shit.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Someone help me, I am so so so incredibly in need of help, please. Please. Thank you.

[jelitazy]

The Story Tale of (hopefully) about Tuhan, Tuan, and Puan. But mostly Puan.

Hei, I know there are a lootttt to catch up, but here I am, after years untumblring.

Kinda miss you guys….

Well, where to begin? Haha

The last time I talked to you guys and poured my heart out was 1-yearish ago? Doesn’t matter, I’m here now hehe.

Guyssss…………..

I am kind of having a lottttt in my plate right now, but it does not mean that I am too busy, I kinda am but, I don’t want to miss this phase without telling my loved ones what I am going through right now, haha.

I moved to Jakarta!!! Yes, one day after August 17th 

Everything seemed so perfect, perfect timing, perfect team, perfect place to live, to hang out, to keep on shape I guess haha, everything led me to: OMG I just won the lottery that universe has ever brought to me, and the kindhearted Allaah Gave it to me as a birthday present. Oh all praises only and only goes to Him <3

Jr. Analyst Environmental, yes that was my position on my first 2 months here in Jakarta, before I moved October 1st as Jr. Analyst Marketing Channel and HSE Project. Awesome!

You know, in my first position, it kinda so me, I enjoyed it so much, well the struggle was there too but that’s ok tho, I could always seem to bear with those. You know me right, I do what I love, and gladly love what I do. Bright teams, everyone is perfect. I am the only one that happens to be the most junior than the rest of the team. You know, I am not that competitive, I take everything as the phase I learn something new. I know I seemed pretty dumb and noob but what can I do? Keeping up with their pace looks like the best effort I could do.

Mba Nurul helped a lot along the way, I never try to impress her, but I really want to be a person someone else can count on, and so reliable for them. That is my biggest lesson from college that I carry with me. I’ll tell you more on the different chapter next time, I promise 

So there I was, preparing PROPER, Environmental Legal Documents, AMDAL, some serious stuff that I even got on a meeting with the Region and Headquarter Directions, that counts as awesome too, right? Haha

Well it was not easy, trust me. I am not an expert, I make mistakes, but I am happy for that. Next step is making sure that I would not fall at the same reasons twice. I will take that lesson to me as well. Getting on some serious stuff that I can never use the word ‘try’ on them. Every words that come out from us state who we are, and our job is to give the advices. On everything WKWK. We seem like the most brilliant people on earth, that my friend, another thing for me which happens to be on my plate right now; learn more.

Now that I am on the new position, want to know my job? Inspecting the Channels. Well it’s not getting harder, but getting intense and mobile. So funny that at the same time right now I suppose to do something as paperwork, but instead, I’m blogging. So mezyji.

A lot of things happen. For most of them is ordinary, to some people, but for me, it is time for me to grow as me, you know. I do what I love, had a short escape to KL which happened to be my new favourite place, because for the first time in my experience, other than Mecca and Madinah, I found it very easy to pray and clean and tidy, and most importantly: modern city. Yup guys, I performed Umrah with my parents and granny. That’s beautiful, spiritual journey that I can never forget. I save it for me, the stories, I’ll let you know once you talk to me LOL. One spill won't hurt, but I think He Loves me so much, I can never do enough for Him, I swear I would hug the granite floor that I soojood on because I felt that He is that near, nearer than my breath, that’s just amazing feeling with the most loved ones in my life. Thank You Allaah.

A lotttt, a lottt happen from the last time I talked to you guys. I am not that girly person who wants to go overseas, fancy countries, I spent on Vy instead. I love driving, and she would accompany me to the place that I’ve never been before, like Merak or Tanjung Sekong for example. I drove all by my self, and that is more than exciting to me, it kind of ultimate me time for me where I can enjoy every miles there while contemplating, or even think about things. Dancing to my favourite songs, sing along, oh I even managed to train my 2nd voice tone well, pretty well even I enjoy using it more than the real tones. WKWK. Vy accompanied me to Balongan, Cirebon, Bandung, Cilegon, Tanjung Sekong (where I actually see with my own eyes: Vopax, OTM, Lotte Chemical, a slight of Krakatau Steel, etc), that’s the Far West of Java Island and I went there with Vy. Awesome.

The thing is, the more agey you are the more you have intention to spend your time wisely. Like you spend with your best friends around, best colleagues, best badminton partners, best friends from college and high school, family, and you will intend to go overseas with the most worthy person you could imagine, what? I am not talking about ‘that’ but you know where it is going LOL. Well, I don’t want to jinx anything just yet, but Allaah Got me, He is the one who even Made the romantic and perfection of everything, I never ever have a thought that Allaah would let me down, not in single time of my life. So, ya, I am pretty sure too you know exactly where it is going.

Oh I am very grateful for whatever it is that happened in Balongan. I don’t recall any special ones but for me Abang2 are the best. They can be as son of the bitch you can ever imagine, but deep down they are the best. Most of them are jerk, well all of them tho, but they are just so true, not fake at all. We made this coworking space from junks, and turn it into a nice smoking area where you can play music and fifa, brew your own coffee with your favourite books within it, karaoke, and do fancy meeting and video conference there. Pretty much good memories.

Jakarta, huh? Nice place, but apparently not for everybody tho. As for me I still could enjoy the life and it’s balance, work, badminton, napping at the apartment, hanging out with friends, for 3 months I still could keep up wkwk. Next week I will be at Borobudur Marathon, 10K no big deal, sweet escape. My sister won an international championship of Plant Design in UTM KL, I am enjoying my self with pretty little good deed today, enjoying my fav drink while saving the planet LOL (I mean I brought my own tumblr babe), been in love with a certain Nasi Padang in town, Citra Bundo, it’s just the best, buying some stuff by the help of a friend in Seatlle because it is where the first Sbux from, and they ran out of a book called Option B from Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant here in Indonesia, so….

Well, I am planning on updating my bucketlists in my Putih Gading book, get ready for IELTS because within 2 years I need to take my Master, hopefully in the UK, picking up with the old dreams of mine, or maybe the nearest: taking international courses provided by the company LOL (do you believe me?) lol, I want to do more sweet stuff for my parents and siblings, hopefully all not by me alone  I’m telling you by not telling you but I won’t tell you guys. LOL

Gotta go, I am gonna be real dead if I don’t do it WKWK.

Here the things I gladly want to tell you guys:

1. It’s ok waking up in the morning after you work very hard and thought: what am I doing? Don’t I suppose to do what I always want to do? Aging with no regret of youth? Old little dreams? Old receh bucketlist? It is totally fine.

2. It is fine realizing and knowing that you are nothing, not even better than the dust you found on your apartment window. Admit it, so you will not have to feed that EGO of you.

3. It is ok to be tired, having some sort of lack of sleeping, in the end of the dawn you felt like there is something wrong with your stomach but you gotta sleep because there will be another tiring day tomorrow.

4. It is ok you found your self alone at the apartment doing nothing but tidying up stuff, doing your laundry and dishes, changing and making your own bed, eating some leftover snacks from last night, cutting your own mango and yoghurt while watching your favourite US drama series on your colourful couch, planning on reading some cool books you bought but you never get the chance to finish them, putting on some beauty masks you bought randomly because you think AC makes your skin dry, etc etc. For the love of God, ENJOY the hell all of them. You are no one but genius.

5. Planning on IELTS and work your ass off because that opportunity will just stop by and you’re gonna make the hell out of that. Let the universe surprise you.

6. Keep doing your secret good receh deeds anyone doesn’t have to know.

7. For God sake, YOU ARE LOVED! Spread love (vibes, I repeat, vibes, ok). You are more than anything you could imagine. If you think you suck, then you indeed suck, but congratulations, you know you want to get better and do better. If you still suck, then it’s ok, cry all you want, but you will get there someday, brace your self, fasten your seat belt bcs it's gonna be the hell of a ride!

8. Enjoy your every sip of your favourite houseblend, every pieces of your favourite cake, and open your heart to the upcoming candidates of your next favourite things, be brave sometimes LOL. But, don’t rush anything. Don’t push anything, let it be, enjoy when your lemon sauces suck, enjoy your bitter coffee because your grinder and coffee machine are old school and conventionally ugly, enjoy every word of someone that hurt your feelings, enjoy every pain when your toe just snagged at the edge of your own couch.

9. Make friends darling. I know you enjoy being the happiest introvert whose hobby is lying down on your comfy pillow, but make friends.

That is the most personal stuff I gladly say to you, see you around, I hope you find joy reading this, if not, then congratulations you just waste your precious time for me, WKWK. I am looking forward to an invitation to work together at your favourite coffee shop LOL, while talking about what hits and hype, and stuff.

Bye,

Assalamualaikum <3

Kepada Tuhan, Puan berdoa tentang Tuan.

Tak sebut nama, tak sebut apa-apa kecuali irama gelora sajak sajak yang kadang dalam Bahasa teramat asing namun terasa tepat sahaja.

Aku mendoamu jauh hari, mungkin saat engkau tersesat, mungkin saat kau terlelap dalam lelah mu dibawah pohon oak, aku tau kau menujuku, tak apa istirahat dulu.

Oh, aku tak akan sembunyi, aku tepat berada disini. Dimana tanyamu? Di sini, Tuhan kita yang Maha Baik itu akan menggerakkan kaki kakiku, saat itu, tidak dapat diperlambat atau dipercepat seberapapun hebat akselerasimu, karena limitku tampaknya mendekati tak hingga menuju sesuatu sebutlah alfa terlebih dahulu, aku disana, di tempat dimana gelombang beta ku dan beta mu akhirnya bertemu, kata Erbe Sentanu ia bernama khusyu, dan di tempat itu engkau akan kujamu, dengan frasa-frasa yang sudah kusiapkan sejak dulu. Tak hebat, cukup untuk kita saling berpaut, sampai maut, sampai Allah setuju untuk masukkan kita melalui pintu-pintu favorit yang kita bidik di suatu sudut di warung kopi dulu.

Haha you got me. Sudah dulu ya. Bye.

[doomedandstoned]

BAILEY’S CHOICE

Youngblood Supercult guitarist Bailey Gonzales shares her 10 favorite albums of Autumn.

Photo by Johnny Hubbard at Doomed & Stoned Fest

First off, let me preface by saying that this list is just a fraction of what I would include on a good, solid Autumn playlist, but everything must end at some point. Most of these you’ve probably heard, some you may not be familiar with, and others perhaps long forgotten and thus need a good revisiting. So here goes:

1. Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young – Déjà vu

This has been in my catalog since I first started smoking weed in the fall of my freshman year of high school and learned to enjoy the hazy, beautiful strains of intricate harmonies that permeate CSNY’s iconic brand of folk-blues rock. Their albums were always on rotation in my house when I was growing up, but until I started to fully understand its cosmic, layered beauty, Déjà vu fell more or less into the “lame music my parents listen to” category for me. Now it’s a staple, especially as the weather starts to cool and the leaves start to turn, and I’m thrown into some kind of sepia-tinged yearning for the past. Funny how things change. This album holds some of the group’s most acclaimed work; I can’t point out a single track I’d skip over.

2. Graveyard – Graveyard

Graveyard by Graveyard

Speaking of high school—I grew up in a very small town in Southeast Kansas, and when MySpace made its debut (yes, MySpace), I found a page for this indie label called Tee Pee Records that absolutely dictated what I would listen to take the edge of my Black Sabbath cravings—this is where I was ultimately introduced to stoner rock and all of the branches of the retro heavy metal genre—and one of them that always stuck with me as I worshipped this label’s releases thereafter was Graveyard’s self-titled album. There are so many great tracks on this album, with “Thin Line” being an absolute favorite and even an echoing of one of my darkest autumn remembrances (won’t delve into it, but the subject matter will lead you where you need to go). Fantastic, timeless album.

3. Jonathan Snipes & William Hutson – Room 237

Room 237 (2012) is a funny little documentary. I love it, despite the fact that this film lays out conspiracies about Stanley Kubrick’s version of The Shining that range from absolutely Kubrickesque crazy-but-plausible to totally ludicrous, leaping-to-judgement scenarios and breakdowns related to the hidden puzzles within the original adaptation. But, we are talking about music here: this album plays like Stranger Things meets Goblin meets John Carpenter. There is nothing necessarily special about it, but in trying to find an OST that would fit neatly within this list, this fella kind of jumped out to me. Not everybody enjoys soundtracks, and while I could listen to creepy, ambient synth all day long, every day, Room 237 seems like it could entrance any listener, especially with standout tracks like “To Keep From Falling Off” to “Universal Weak Male” and even with the closing track, “Dies Irae” which plays off the original theme from The Shining.

4. Trouble – Trouble

It blows my mind that this album was released in 1990. Everything about it screams, “I WANT TO MAKE YOUR EARS BLEED: ‘70s METAL STLYE.” It’s like a lost and very angry Sir Lord Baltimore album was found in someone’s murky basement and sold in a musty, long forgotten record shop. The kind of place where you might hear whispers of dark legends. Somewhere that may be evocative, in legend, of the kind of place that Mayhem’s late singer, Dead, slit his wrists, throat, and blew his brains out and everyone commenced for this orgiastic blood feast of mourning to say, uh, “let’s take a photo of his dead body and slap it on a bootleg album cover and make necklaces out of his skull...” It’s not that harsh, but there’s definitely something spooky, dark, and forbidden about it. You may ask yourself, if you’re just hearing this album for the first time: “Why don’t they play some of these tracks on the radio?” Well, my child...do you really want to know?

5. The Steepwater Band – Revelation Sunday

This collection of hot tunes from The Steepwater Band is, apart from 2011’s Clava, one of our band’s road staples. We often don’t agree on much when that road cagey feeling hits or when disagreements happen, which incidentally is why things tend to work well with us, but The Steepwater Band, Mount Carmel, and Gary Clark Junior are all things we can come to terms with through the van’s trebly stock speakers. Maybe it’s the bluesiness. Very moody folk-blues rock tunes, with a touch of whiskey-fueled country, is what these guys exhibit in songs like “Slow Train Drag,” “Dance Me A Number,” and “Steel Sky.” A plus material, in my book, and good for the road on a cold night’s ramble.

6. Black Sabbath – Never Say Die!

Can people stop it with the “I’m tired of Black Sabbath” comments??? You know they are the reason we’re all here, and whether you like to admit it or not, you dig a good Sabbath tune either once in a while or every day. Doctor’s orders. Now I don’t think that a playlist is complete without a Black Sabbath album, but autumn seems the appropriate time for their fumbling, but strong conclusion — 1978’s Never Say Die!   And I really don’t care that I know I’m in the minority for loving this album. To me, while it’s their most strained Ozzy-era album (I won’t even touch 13, so don’t ask), it’s full of premonitions of things to come, including a full out jazz brawl in “Breakout” that reminds me of the mean streets in Dirty Harry, and songs that might make the bravest of our genre cry, like “Junior’s Eyes.” “Shock Wave” goes through the typical rough and tumble changes that Black Sabbath fans learn to embrace, but it comes in wave after wave after wave. Hell, even the title track is nearly full-out punk rock. If you’ve avoided this album, please—give it a spin. Even if it’s only to hear Bill Ward sing. It’s the album I fell into when I joined my first band in the fall of 2008 and what pushed me into the direction of branching out to things I’d long avoided. I literally shit my pants every time the first synth breakdown in “Johnny Blade” comes over the speakers, and I think you should, too.

7. Madonna – Madonna

Speaking of shit you probably don’t wanna read…who out of us has given Madonna’s 1983 debut a spin? Anyone? Bueller? Yeah, I didn’t think so. For you folks who can appreciate this one, I applaud you for admitting it. It’s not a sin to listen to Madonna (tell that one to the Vatican), but unless she’s been covertly transformed into Lana Del Rey or someone else on the darker and more modern side of the pop spectrum, you’d be hard pressed to find an admitted fan in our heavy underground group. And you know what? I don’t give a single fuck (yes, I learned that language from M herself). She’s a goddess, an icon, a killer songwriter—if you don’t believe me, tell that to the $400 million she has neatly tucked away—and dammit, she taught me to give a little less of a fuck in times where I don’t have too many to spare. This is another reason my parents are badass. Who in the world would buy their kid the “Like A Virgin” album only if their 11-year-old can ask for it by name without getting too embarrassed at the thought of saying “virgin” out loud to the Camelot Music clerk? Yeah, that’s right. Anyway, listen to this. Just do it...Madonna would.

8. The Midnight Ghost Train – Buffalo

Buffalo by The Midnight Ghost Train

I met Steve Moss at a show in Topeka in late 2009 at a dive bar where the drummer from my first band was singing in his new group. We did the obligatory thing and then, holy shit—this band starts playing and glasses start clinking and I swear to god I thought the whole damn place was going to cave in. They play a bunch of tunes and I’m so fully entranced it’s stupid. After the show, I went up to their singer/guitarist and said, “Um, that was really fucking awesome. I loved how you slipped “Hand of Doom into the middle of one of your songs.” Bam. We were instant buds. I couldn’t believe that they had come out of Topeka, Kansas. Later, while they were prepping to record 2012’s Buffalo, we had a very memorable fall jam session and some shows together, and EVERY. DAMNED. TIME. I felt like there was just something insanely special happening. Buffalo proved to be an instant classic, and even though The Midnight Ghost Train boys seem to always be on tour, I visit with my old pal Steve from time to time when he’s around, and nothing can erase those crazy, almost LSD-like imprinted memories of our house shows together. Hell, we reunited again just last month in another Topeka dive bar. I still have almost 3 hours’ worth of an interview I need to write that documents Steve’s early life up until the recording of Cold Was The Ground. The circle goes round and round. And I sure as hell can’t shake that sound.

9. Creedence Clearwater Revival – Green River

I don’t know what everyone else thinks about when they hear the track “Green River” from Creedence Clearwater Revival, but I think of Gary Ridgeway. I know that’s way far off, but I can’t help it. I also think about the album cover, and how many people still try to copy it, unintentionally. And I think about Stephen King. If you’ve read a few of his novels, you know from some of his passages, he’s a total CCR freak. I’ll give him a pass for mentioning Springsteen so much just because he’s a damn genius. But I bet the casual listener has never heard the song “Sinister Purpose” on the radio airwaves. It sounds like it belongs on a damn Leaf Hound album or something. Thank god for small favors. This is the epitome of southern blues rock. All you Lynyrd Skynyrd fans can fight me (although I won’t knock them), but CCR has earned their grimy, yet rightful spot as the Bayou’s most raw and creepy rock group. And way down in the fall, there’s always a bad moon rising.

10. Buffalo – Dead Forever...

Man, I was going to write up a few more albums, but this is the end of the line, folks. Australia’s Buffalo caps it off with their 1972 album, Dead Forever...   I can see this piece being released today, and that’s why I’m so glad everyone in this community puts out music that can rival little-known bands like Buffalo. I have a sweet spot for this group. Nobody will ever be able to answer why this killer band could never receive any airplay, and that question still lingers as absolute over processed shit continues to infiltrate the airwaves and real emotion can’t shine through. One of the promotional stickers for this record was, “Play this album LOUD.” Seen that before? Is history repeating itself in belittling our efforts to get out there and WARP THE FUCK out of people’s minds? I guess so. But we can fix that. Put the needle on some Buffalo, don your battle jacket, and work on getting some fuzz into some onlooker’s ears. Listen carefully, and don’t let the Buffalo situation happen to us all.

Hear Bailey's 'Autumn Vibes' Playlist on Spotify

Photo by Johnny Hubbard

The Great American Death Rattle by Youngblood Supercult

[fiction-queen-blog]

TheAmazingUchihaBruhs: Naruto’s Birthday Special (part 1)

A/N:I have been very busy, but I managed to fix something for Naruto’s birthday anyways. Enjoy

Case 18

The one thing I had been secretly enjoying these past three months, was annoying Naruto for being underaged. So, it is fair to say I have been quite the ass towards him when it came to activities that were technically illegal for minors.  I also did not pass the opportunity to shove it in his face. Every. Damn. Time.

But the day has come the minor is going to turn 18, and my teasing days have come to an end. It was only to be expected from Naruto to directly take the opportunity to invite me to come over during his the celebration.  He did make clear that he was going to shove the 18 candles on his cake somewhere the light won't shine.

Yeah, I was not underestimating what an ass I have been to him these past months.

Putting that aside, I wanted to get him something special for his birthday. Something he would not only like but love. However, I have no fucking idea what that thing would be.  So, I have to do some detective work.

Detective work being a different way of saying -> I am going to stalk him so I know exactly what he wants.

Oxoxox

Like every good detective movie. The very first thing you do, is clear the pin board and  put everything you already know about the case.

I looked at the yearbook picture of Naruto in the middle of the board. It was surrounded by the ' known'  facts. I was playing with the red marker while my eyes were fixated on the board.

Uzumaki Naruto. Recently started his bachelor in chemistry in the university of Konoha, lives with his mother, Uzumaki Kushina, and his father, Namikaze Minato. He plays tennis, goes to the gym, likes to go to bars, socialize, make friends, play video games. Suffers from ADHD and a nut allergy.

The last one I found out the hard way.

" Holy fucking shit! Shisui owes me money!"  

I turned my head to Izuna, who naturally walked  in my room without knocking.

" Get out" I threw a book towards him, but he dodged it.

" What? We have 34 bets. Which one?" Shisui stuck his head inside my room and looked at the pin board.

" It is not what is looks like!"  I was afraid they thought I was stalking Naruto.

"You did not win. He hasn't kidnapped Naruto yet. So, you haven't won yet!" Shisui looked serious.

" You guys think I am going to kidnap Naruto ?"  I did not expect anything better from my brothers.

"Are we wrong though?" Izuna pointed at the pin board. " You have made a graph of his sleeping pattern going from light-sleep to heavy-sleep"

"Dude, I thought you were bad at maths!"  Shisui walked towards the pin board to examine it.

"Can you ..like...stay away!"  I hissed, trying to cover the board with my body.  " He invited me to celebrate his birthday next week, and I need to figure out the perfect gift!"

"Why?" Izuna asked. " Because he got u that awesome sex toy, you don't wanna share"

" Disgusting..and disturbing.." I shook my head slowly.

"You know what would be a nice gift...A restraining order" Shisui high-fived Izuna.

"But really, you probably won't even see him Friday. Lots of people got invited-"

" Friday?"  I cocked my head, " he said Sunday"

"No, it is Friday. I am sure " Izuna grabbed his phone and after a few minutes he turned the screen towards me.

"But..He told me it was at his house...at noon" I scrolled through their chat.

" Ayyee...Now it got awkward..." Izuna looked at Shisui.

"He probably has his reasons, princess. Maybe he wants the two of you to celebrate together. Maybe he knows you are not into loud music, a big crowd and warm beer. You are probably-"

" That asshole! He is shutting me out!"  I clenched a fist.

" Yeah ! And he invited like..the entire university! If not the entire city".

" I think you are putting fuel on this fire, izuna" shisui sighed. " princess, just be straight with him. Text him and ask about the party on Friday. Maybe he made a mistake, maybe he has his reason-"

"Oh, I am going to get to the bottom of this!"

"Hell yeah! Go and catch him right in his fucking lie!"  

"I thought you and naruto were friends, Zuna"  

Their conversation between them went on.

I didn't pay attention though.

 I was determined to find out why the hell Naruto was shutting me out. Could it be...that there was some hotti in his class who is super smart and good in chemistry and maths that loves to work out and is like a 10 in bed!

Shit. No. That person would have everything I have not. Maybe Naruto already knows!  I have to find out who this bitch is...and kill them.

I pulled his picture from the pin board.

"Operation perfect present has changed. I am no longer interested in what he wants. I am interested in that slut's name he fucks around with and I am gonna make them disappear!"

I saw shisui and izuna share a look with one another.

"Uhmm...where did the ' slut'. Come from?" Shisui was the first one to ask.

" obviously it is the bitch in his class that he is totally into and thus is shoving me to the side!"

"That makes perfect sense! You're his plan b when it doesn't work out with that bitch!"  

At least izuna got it.

" you will not listen to my advice, will you?"

" no" Both izuna and I said at the same time.

" don't call me when you are in jail" he walked out of the room. Well, I did not need his negative energy anyway.

I grabbed my laptop.

“This is like playing detective! But instead of the finding the missing dango we are finding the bitch who is trying to steal your boyfriend"

" he is actually not my boyfriend....yet" I turned the screen of the laptop around for Izuna to see. " he has 200 classmates. It could be anyone of these fuckers!"  I put the laptop back on my lap.

"Oh damn...this seems like...a lot of work. Why don't we just..like..proof you are better than some random person in his class."

I looked up from the screen, over my glasses at my brother.

" Dude..I'm an 18 years old, below average, guy that has severe ptsd coupled with anxiety and on the verge of depression. My special skills are eating an entire bag of crisps and sarcasm"

" yeah..killing the bitch is easier" izuna admitted.

"Fuck, you would expect a bunch of future chemist to be a bunch of geeks..." I Muttered, googling every name.  " it could be any one of them"

"What is Naruto's type anyway?" Izuna looked over my shoulder. " dude, are you cracking into their personal emails?"

I turned my head to look at my brother.

"It depends...are you going to snitch on me?"

" When did you even learn-"

" I am a guy with some hidden skills....I knew some IT nerd back in the police force. I saw them do this all the time. That is how I know some tricks"

" dude...Why don’t you just crack Naruto's computer. See whom he has been in contact with from his class and all"

I stopped typing for a second.

" fuck me"

" I am a good partner"

" even better if you get me some coffee" I said.

" on it, partner!" Izuna jogged out of my room as I continued trying to get in Naruto's laptop.

" ha! I am in! Thank you weird IT chick that is always talked out loud" I smirked.

"Do I wanna know what is going on?"  

I did not look at the door opening, knowing it was Obito.

"Hacking Naruto's laptop to find some scumbag trying to steal something of mine"  

"I don't wanna know" Obito said, as he walked past the open door.

"Hey, I got the coffee. What do you have so far?" Izuna said, putting the mug down.

" so far...I know his background is a picture of a fox and he watches a lot of porn..like...a lot...like...fucking hell. There is gay porn here and lesbian porn and just straight porn. Apparently he does it between making homework too?"

" how long can this guy go?" Izuna grabbed my laptop and scrolled through it. " he is into some kinky shit..so it seems..."

"What else is there?"

"...Youtube..lot of youtube..FaceNet"

" FaceNet. Give me that" I grabbed my laptop back. "Ha! They have a class groupchat !”

" of 200 people?!"  

" nah...20...but he is in 6 of them...fair to assume he made friends with almost everyone" i scrolled through some of the chats, but got nothing.

"Hey, single chat, some chick named Mito" Izuna pointed out. I pressed it and frowned.

" He video chats with her"

" cam sex eh! Scumbags!"  Izuna said.

" it is suspicious, right?!" I shouted.

"He wrote a message..see the chat with his mom is back on top" izuna speculated.  I pressed it.

" Hey mom, I am with  Nana"

"Who the fuck is Nana!?"  I shouted.

" he has two side bitches! With you makes it the three side bitch! "

" but of course!"  Everything made so much sense now.

" she is typing!" Izuna pointed at the screen.

"Have fun, dear. Be safe " Izuna read outloud.

"K-kushina...But...i thought she liked me!" I grabbed izuna. " she is in the scam too...curse that family. What does she mean, be safe..WHO SAYS THAT!"

" Come..come...Sasuke...it is alright".

" it is not!"  I hissed, pushing izuna aside. " I am gonna track the gps on his phone and fucking confront him!"  

" you can do that?!"  

I raised an eyebrow when I turned my head.

" track my i-phone...dude...it is not hard..." i shook my head.

I wrote the address down and got up.

" bitch gonna get it. All of them!"  I reached in the drawer and grabbed my handgun, though izuna immediately grabbed it from me.

" you are right...I will beat them all! More satisfying"

"Maybe..And this is odd coming from me. You are just scared because you don’t see him as often as you used to. So,now you are thinking irrational?”

“You followed one psychology class. Back.The.Fuck.up!” I hissed

“I should not be a part of this. Without Shisui as my attorney I am not sure who else I can afford"

" whatever! I will go alone!"  I Grabbed my phone and walked out of my room.

" where are you going?" Shisui asked as he saw me pass by.

" fuck some fuckboy’s bitches over" I hissed.

"....Be safe..”

[thecourtreportersportedjorts]

Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2017

In December of each year, Billboard publishes its list of the 100 biggest hit songs of the last 12 months. In response, I take it upon myself to decide which of these songs were the real hits, and which were the biggest misses. Last week, I tackled the worst, so here are the best. Let’s get started:

10. “Love Galore” by SZA feat. Travis Scott

When I see a fellow New Jersey artist rising up the charts and building a name for themselves, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a little too quick to douse them in praise. In 2015, I did it for Fetty Wap and Charlie Puth before they respectively waned in relevance and proceeded to pump out some of the decade’s worst music. SZA grew up mere minutes away from me, and after a few years just shy of the spotlight, she finally released her critically beloved debut album Ctrl in June. I took a few months to finally get to it, but once I listened to it, I found a beautifully produced, unflinchingly sincere record that delves into the nuances of youth, romance, mental health, and the various ways they intersect.

I wouldn’t even consider “Love Galore” an immediate highlight from the record, and yet it’s still an excellent song. I do have to take a point off for Travis Scott rambling about “ass and titties” in his verse, a needlessly juvenile moment in what’s otherwise a great slice of left-of-center-but-still-grown-and-sexy R&B. Still, his verse is fine altogether, and he sounds right at home over ThankGod4Cody’s production, which is built on off-kilter, reverb-soaked percussion and analog synths that aren’t too far removed from the Stranger Things score.

This is all well and good, but SZA steals the show all on her own, exploring the complications of reconvening with a former fling. There’s a core of darkness to the lyrics, making passing references to Valium and fetishes as she zeroes in on her partner’s seeming infidelity, but she can nevertheless enjoy the situation as “long as [they] got love.” And in a year chock full of godawful vocals excused for their “authenticity,” it’s so refreshing to hear a singer in the mainstream who sounds both organic and skilled. While I may not like this quite as much as “The Weekend” or “Drew Barrymore” or “20 Something,” it’s no less worth your time.

9. “Passionfruit” by Drake

It’s easy for me to start this entry the same way I did for “Too Good” last year, addressing how “Passionfruit” was a diamond in the relative rough of the lopsided More Life “playlist.” While there is some truth to that assessment, More Life is still a noticeable improvement over last year’s uncomfortable, overhyped VIEWS. Sure, it’s still questionable to hear Drizzy put on another new accent (I’d personally like to hear him attempt a Russian accent), but his curation of global sounds is sharper and more generous than ever, and with the exception of truly annoying cuts like “Nothings Into Somethings,” the lyrics are a lot less patronizing this time around. Despite this net positive, it still remains that “Passionfruit” is easily More Life’s best offering, and perhaps Drake’s best single since “Hold On, We’re Going Home.”

For one, “Passionfruit” is built on the same sort of subdued, late-night disco groove that made “Hold On” an instant classic. But the song goes for a stark contrast from the 2013 smash’s optimistic hookup, which is mirrored by the somber minor chords, gorgeous, muted synths, and what is apparently the manipulated sound of a flute. With the tempos of his songs seemingly dropping by the year, it’s good to hear Drake over something with a more propulsive groove again, and yet it still manages to mesh with his trademark atmospherics.

Of course, the lyrical content will always be the most contentious part of any Drake song, and it’s understandable to read “Passionfruit” as yet another retread of “Hotline Bling.” But where that song may have precariously toed the line between genuine concern and alarming possessiveness, the lyrics land a lot more comfortably this time. Even a lyric like “you got issues that I won’t mention” works far better as he seems to finally understand the consequences behind his words and his actions. The end result is Drake at his finest, low-key and calm while still navigating through the most challenging of emotions.

8. “Castle on the Hill” by Ed Sheeran

Now I know this pick will likely come as a surprise to anyone who saw my previous list, where I gave Ed Sheeran the thorough bashing he deserved. I ragged on him for his appearance, his awkward lyricism and his uninspired compositions. I’m sick of the guy at this point, but that’s because I genuinely want to like him. Ed has always shown a genuine talent for crafting songs with memorable hooks and interesting concepts, so doling out plodding love ballads like “Photograph” and cringeworthy radio ploys like “Shape of You” feels like the biggest possible waste of potential. So as tired as I am of hearing songs like these in 2017, “Castle on the Hill” was good enough to remind me why I cared in the first place.

If I could sum up the sound of “Castle on the Hill” in one sentence, it’d be that it sounds like what that mediocre last Mumford and Sons album wanted to be. Built on an insistent drum groove, warm bass, ghostly organs and guitar strumming that hurts my wrist just listening to it, the verses build up to a triumphant chorus indebted to Springsteen and U2. This is one of Sheeran’s more directly rock-flavored endeavors, so his aggressive howls on the chorus sound a lot better here than on “Thinking Out Loud,” and even his falsetto sounds more vivacious than usual.

And in the midst of an album cycle dominated by anonymous songs about sex and TV montage fodder that even Queen B couldn’t salvage, “Castle on the Hill” is the only (good) single that showcases Sheeran’s distinctive songwriting flair. It’s essentially a song about growing up, but where Lukas Graham got it all wrong, this song gets it right. Like on “7 Years,” Ed recounts his younger, troublesome self, running from authority and drinking with his friends. The difference is that he learns from his mistakes, thanks to the people and the town he was sought to defy in the first place. It’s the kind of vivid songwriting that Sheeran excels at, and if he keeps at it (which is a real possibility), he might very well regain a lost fan.

7. “HUMBLE.” by Kendrick Lamar / “LOYALTY.” by Kendrick Lamar feat. Rihanna

As I stated in my previous list, it’s been really interesting to see what the Billboard charts look like with streaming becoming a bigger part of the equation. I already addressed how album tracks can perform just as well as lower-tier singles. Kendrick Lamar’s excellent fourth album DAMN. boasts the best first week streaming numbers of any album released in 2017, and as a result, multiple cuts from the album remained on the charts for weeks on end. “ELEMENT.” and current single “LOVE.” charted high enough that if they had received the proper push as singles, I would probably be talking about them alongside the two singles that actually made the year end Hot 100, chart-topping “HUMBLE.” and the Rihanna collaboration “LOYALTY.”

“HUMBLE.” was the first proper taste of DAMN., which admittedly took some time to grow on me. Sure, the blisteringly sparse, piano-driven beat by Mike Will Made It commands direct attention to Kendrick’s coded, throne-claiming bars, but it’s a far cry from the rich history and experimentation that made To Pimp a Butterfly an all-time great rap album. Still, it’s important to remember that Kendrick - at least when he’s trying - infuses his songs with some really heady subtext. It’s easy to interpret this as K-Dot proving that he can do trap just as well as Future or Migos, if not better thanks to his skillful lyricism. In the context of DAMN., it’s also a warning from the Compton rapper to himself to not let his remarkable success eclipse his message or his roots. Coupled with an instantly memorable hook and quotables like “my left stroke just went viral,” “HUMBLE.” is a well-deserved first #1 for Kendrick.

Like its predecessor, followup single “LOYALTY.” is fairly skeletal in its production, based around a warped sample of “24K Magic” (of all things!). This time, Kendrick teams up with Rihanna, who continues to prove that she can come through with an impressive flow after “Bitch Better Have My Money” and “Needed Me.” The pair explore loyalty in regards to one’s friendships, relationships, faith and ambitions, creatively quoting Jay-Z and Ol’ Dirty Bastard in the process. While the lyrical content is certainly worthwhile, the main takeaway is that Kendrick and Rihanna have truly fantastic musical chemistry, which becomes all the more apparent when they trade bars during the verses. Like “HUMBLE.,” this track is further evidence that even with sights set squarely on the mainstream, Kendrick always aims high.

6. “Bodak Yellow” by Cardi B

When compiling these lists, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the critical acclaim or the social value a song might have. This works both ways - maybe this is what influenced me to place “7 Years” and “Treat You Better” as high I did on my worst list last year. But when Cardi B’s breakout single “Bodak Yellow” became the first single from a solo female rapper to top the Billboard Hot 100 since Lauryn Hill in 1998, I immediately wondered: is it a worthy successor? Considering how many critical outlets have named “Bodak Yellow” one of the best songs of the year (including Pitchfork and The Washington Post, who both named it the best song of the year), a lot of people seem to think so. And even though I wasn’t totally sold on the song at first, I’m now more than happy to join that chorus, because this song is fucking awesome.

In one of her legendary interviews, Cardi has stated that the title “Bodak Yellow” is a reference to rapper and awful human being Kodak Black, whose flow on “No Flockin” serves as the foundation for Cardi’s song. Unsurprisingly, she does an infinitely better job with his flow, not only because she doesn’t sound like she’s having an asthma attack, but because she also delivers each bar with such boundless energy. Unlike Kodak, she also knows when to switch up her flow, capping off both verses with an impressive, Migos-esque (!) flow. A lot of hip hop traditionalists might deride “Bodak Yellow” for a lack of originality, but it’s not about who did it first, it’s about who did it right.

Even the production on “Bodak Yellow” stands out from the trap pack. Sure, it’s built on a simplistic 3-note melody, but it alternates between octaves, creating an alluring sense of unease against the changing hi-hat progressions. But what really surprises is how restrained the song first seems in its low end, using the trademark sub bass kicks fairly conservatively. It gives you the impression that it’s building up to something, and then it happens: as Cardi speeds up her flow, the kicks return in full force, resulting in one of the hardest-hitting moments rap had to offer in 2017. In a year where women deserved so much better, Cardi B is a true force of good, proving that she can go harder than so many of her male contemporaries.

5. “I Feel It Coming” by The Weeknd feat. Daft Punk

If you’ve read any of my lists in the past two years, you probably felt this coming (pun very obviously intended). I’ve raved about The Weeknd so much since then that writing a fifth (sixth if you include “The Hills” from my honorable mentions in 2015) entry about him probably scans as blind fandom or ass-kissing. Truth be told, his 2013 major label debut Kiss Land hasn’t exactly aged well, and Starboy was an overlong, frequently redundant affair with occasional flashes of innovation. But the latter album’s closing track, “I Feel It Coming,” feels like a major change of pace, and perhaps a premonition of The Weeknd’s future.

Like the previous single, the chart-topping title track from Starboy, “I Feel It Coming” is yet another collaboration with famed French house duo. While “Starboy” sounded a lot like the duo’s own “Doin’ It Right,” a collab with Animal Collective’s Panda Bear and a notable outlier on Random Access Memories, this song is more akin to the warm, nostalgic disco that dominated the rest of that album. Hell, the robots even use their trademark vocoders on their own voices this time! As unstoppable as the groove of “Can’t Feel My Face” is to this day, never has Abel sung over something that sounded so happy.

Fortunately, he seems up to the challenge of matching this energy. Normally, The Weeknd albums end on a dour note - even the bombastic “Angel” was profoundly melancholic. In one of his most effortless vocal performances to date, Abel shows that he is finally ready to commit to a serious relationship. And while the potent sexuality is still right there in the goddamn title, it comes across as a moment of real, unadulterated joy rather than simply going through the motions of tour life. The Weeknd has proven time and time again that he can switch up his sound and still come through with smash hits, and if “I Feel It Coming” is any indication, that’s not changing any time soon.

4. “Redbone” by Childish Gambino

Holy shit, have I been waiting for this. I’m not necessarily talking about “Redbone,” Childish Gambino’s greatest success to date, but rather that success in and of itself. Like so many people, I discovered Donald Glover’s hip hop project after enjoying him as Troy in NBC’s Community, one of my all-time favorite TV shows. But despite his knack for solid hooks, colorful instrumentals and outright hilarious bars, it always felt like he was close to breaking into the mainstream without ever getting there. Maybe it was the polarized critical response to Camp or the obtuse production of Because the Internet, but it was only with last year’s funk departure “Awaken, My Love!” that his music clicked more universally.

“Redbone” wasn’t that album’s lead single, but it was by far its most successful, charting for nearly a whole year and peaking just outside Billboard’s Top 10. Arguably, it’s the weirdest hit song we’ve had this year: weird enough that it spawned one of the year’s more creative memes. As a whole, the song maintains a rare balance of paranoia and sensuality, the former of which is felt instantly with the intro’s distant strings and gently thumping kicks. But any sense of dread is mitigated by the slap bass, glockenspiel and the generally lush atmosphere. With perhaps the exception of SZA, mainstream R&B in 2017 hasn’t sounded this organic and alluring, even with the inclusion of the crunchy guitar leads or the muted, creepy-as-fuck background vocals in the intro.

Amidst all the window-dressing, this is still undoubtedly Donald Glover’s song, and his vocal and lyrical contributions capture the same balance just as exquisitely. Many have pointed out that he doesn’t even sound much like himself on “Redbone,” rather emulating Macy Gray’s trademark rasp. Despite the obvious point of influence, it’s still one of the many vocal performances on “Awaken, My Love!” that oozes with color and personality. It doesn’t distract from the unsettling lyrics, though, which double down on Gambino’s oft-critiqued insecurities about relationships and racial identity, but through a more mature and knowing lens, with a chilling mantra of “stay woke.”

And while it didn’t have an impact on its placement on this list, the particular case of the song’s success is worth celebrating. “Redbone” first charted out of anticipation for the album, but it returned to the hit parade thanks to its masterful use in Jordan Peele’s excellent film Get Out. Then came the memes, where the song was sung by various characters and played from a range of different spaces. It had a distinctive sound that somehow suited it to both uses, thus making it Glover’s highest charting song. This is the rare case where a great song isn’t rejected for its idiosyncrasies, but instead rightfully embraced.

3. “Slide” by Calvin Harris feat. Frank Ocean and Migos

But then again, Childish Gambino wasn’t the only one finding long-overdue chart success this year. Obviously, I’m not referring to Calvin Harris or Migos - the former has been pumping out hits since the turn of the decade to diminishing returns, and the latter had a banner year in 2017, with their very good single “Bad and Boujee” topping the Hot 100 for three weeks. “Slide” was partially Frank Ocean’s affair, too. After last year’s excellent, understated Blonde seemingly rebuked any desire for conventional pop stardom, the R&B crooner and former Odd Future affiliate proved that he can still write a fantastic pop song that can stick with just about anyone.

What’s particularly interesting about Frank’s contributions to “Slide” is that they aren’t even far removed from the music on Blonde. He still favors a more low-key vocal delivery, and he still manages to draw compelling character portraits in his lyrics. This time, it’s about a one-night stand where the protagonist isn’t so much interested in the sex itself, but vicariously living their partner’s more opulent lifestyle, referencing jewelery and Picasso’s famous Garçon à la pipe painting. But there’s still an underlying feeling of emptiness, exemplified in the line “wrist on a wrist, a link of charms, yeah / laying, we’re still a link apart.”

Complicated emotional situations have always been a characteristic of Ocean’s lyricism, for which he sets the scene with details that frequently read as non-sequiturs. But what makes “Slide” particularly interesting is how everybody else around him is up to the same task. Quavo and Offset of Migos appear for two insanely catchy and energetic verses, but the content feels peripheral to the established theme of the song. But these guys are part of one of the most in-demand rap acts of the year, so for Frank’s character to be rubbing shoulders with them does more to establish the scene. “Slide” is also further evidence of Offset’s skillful, malleable flow, and if his recent joint album with 21 Savage is any indication, he has great potential as a solo artist.

But what about Calvin Harris, the main artist responsible for this song? “Slide” was the lead single for his excellent album Funk Wav Bounces Vol. 1, and served as a dramatic departure from the more conventional EDM he’d been producing for years. Sure, singles like “This Is What You Came For” and “How Deep Is Your Love” flirted with organic instrumentation and classic dance grooves, but the shimmering keys, palm-muted funk guitars, and the irresistible bassline add up to one of his best tracks to date. It’s a perfect summer song that provides an opulent backdrop for Frank and Migos, and it still sounds fantastic in the dead of winter.

2. “DNA.” by Kendrick Lamar

Don’t think I forgot about this one. Over the course of this year’s lists, I’ve already gone on multiple times about the impact of streaming on the year-end charts. All of this is especially true when it comes to “DNA.,” the first full track from DAMN. Despite receiving an incredible music video starring Don Cheadle, it was never released as a single. And considering the aggression on display, as well as the lack of a real hook, why would it be? Nevertheless, thanks to Kendrick Lamar’s staggering popularity on streaming services, it landed a respectable spot midway on the year-end Hot 100. It’s another landmark worth discussing, but more importantly, “DNA.” is just a goddamn incredible song.

Rather than just dissecting the individual components of the song, I’m going to do my best to explain “DNA.” in a more linear fashion. Kendrick breaks through the gate in full-force, once again accompanied by Mike Will’s hard-hitting blend of trap drums, warped synths and ominous guitar loops. The first half of the song can be boiled down to K-Dot asserting that he was born for his current status as a rap god, even comparing his own birth to the immaculate conception. He recalls all his struggles growing up, living in the projects of Compton and encountering all the “murder, conviction, burners, booster, burglars, ballers,” etc. the city had to offer, crossing everything off as effortlessly as one would do for a shopping list.

Then, “DNA.” nears its two-minute mark. After a dazzling extended verse packed with personal detail, a sample of sleazy Fox-News-correspondent-cum-sexual-harrasser Geraldo Rivera actively dismisses Kendrick’s self-justification. He claims that Kendrick exemplifies everything wrong with young black culture in an unabashed show of victim-blaming. Then another sample comes in: the countdown from Freedom 7’s takeoff in 1961. As this happens, Kendrick speeds up his flow, and the beat changes, leading into what might be one of the greatest musical moments of the decade.

At this point, the production becomes even more sparse and dissonant, built mainly on a Rick James sample and the thickest, most face-melting sub bass imaginable. K-Dot offers an intense, well-deserved rebuttal to the thinly-veiled bullshit his critics ever-so-gleefully dole out. He knows that his success was earned through blood, sweat and tears, not “sex, money, murder,” and proceeds to “[curve] all the fakes” and others who seek to undermine him or his message. In an age where Donald Trump and the GOP have been nearly given carte blanche to oppress whoever the hell they want on any given day, it’s so cathartic to hear some resistance to their rhetoric in our popular music, especially when it’s this stunningly well-crafted.

And, just like last time, before I unveil my pick for the best hit song of 2017, here are eight honorable mentions:

“XO Tour Llif3″ by Lil Uzi Vert: “XO Tour Llif3” marks the first time Uzi’s music truly connected with me, capturing both the hedonism and the mental trauma he experienced while on tour with The Weeknd atop a fittingly off-kilter beat. His vocals are among the most impassioned I’ve heard all year, making the decision to nudge this off the list in favor of SZA a particularly tough one.

“1-800-273-8255″ by Logic feat. Alessia Cara and Khalid: Speaking of mental trauma, Logic’s breakout hit exists to lend a hand to those dealing with suicidal feelings. It sees the rapper and guest Alessia Cara acting respectively as a caller and a receptionist for the titular suicide hotline. Top that off with dramatic string swells and Khalid’s potent outro, and you have a song whose impact can’t be undermined, even by the shouts of “who can relate?”

“Sign of the Times” by Harry Styles: This is undoubtedly the best solo single to come out of the 1D camp, a power ballad reminiscent of David Bowie’s best that nails the particular desire to escape that we’ve all felt at some point this year. Cut the runtime by about a minute and you’ve got the perfect template for what mainstream rock should sound like in years to come, rather than whatever commercial filler comes from Imagine Dragons.

“Mask Off” by Future: I wasn’t wild about Future’s decision to release two overlong albums in the span of a week, but both albums had their highlights, and “Mask Off” was one of them. The beautiful “Prison Song” sample is the closest thing to old school hip hop in the mainstream this year, and Future delivers a sticky hook and the sort of secretly personal lyrics that have become his forte.

“Black Beatles” by Rae Sremmurd feat. Gucci Mane: Mike Will Made It hit a stride of excellence between “Formation” and “DNA,” and this song was caught in the middle of that period, boasting a dark, pounding beat topped with alien synths that sounded like little else in the Hot 100. Rae Sremmurd and Gucci Mane don’t really do much different from the norm, but the hook has an insanely catchy melody, and I’ll take anything over “Swang” at this point.

“That’s What I Like” by Bruno Mars: Look, pretty much everybody was hopping onto the trap bandwagon this year, but Bruno Mars made the sound his own by incorporating more organic percussion and a classic soul chord progression. The same goes for the lyrics about “strawberry champagne on ice” and “everything 24 karats.” You know, because the album and its lead single were both called “24K Magic”...

“Love on the Brain” by Rihanna: It’s the final single from Rihanna’s great comeback album Anti, and while I still think “Kiss It Better” should have been a lot bigger than it was, this is a perfectly fine piece of retro soul. 2016 was the end of the Meghan Trainor era, so it was only fitting that we ushered the new year in with what a song of hers might sound like if it were any good.

“Green Light” by Lorde: This didn’t make the year end Hot 100, so by my own arbitrary rules, I can’t formally include it, so I’ll just include it in the honorable mentions out of spite. How the fuck was this not a hit?

And now, for what I consider to be the best hit song of 2017:

1. “Praying” by Kesha

When I wrote my entry on the loathsome waste of space known as Kodak Black, I introduced it by addressing that content doesn’t exist without context. Sure, “Tunnel Vision” is a thoroughly unpleasant listening experience, but what makes it all the more abhorrent is how he lackadaisically prods at the very real allegations against him, all the while taunting those who want to see him lose. While that song is a very unfortunate reminder that rape culture is very much a real thing, it’s at least comforting to see a song from the other side of the spectrum.

Of the few criticisms I’ve seen of Kesha’s triumphant comeback single “Praying,” the only one that comes close to holding any water is if the song would hit nearly as hard if the details of the singer’s abuse at the hands of human shitstain producer Dr. Luke weren’t so well publicized. But for me, a song of this caliber can’t really be performed - let alone written - without this kind of experience. Over somber piano chords, Kesha recounts the feelings of uselessness and trickery she felt under Luke’s wing, only to overcome these feelings and make herself stronger as the haunting mellotron swells behind her. Her message is made all the more stark in the line “I hope you find your peace fallin’ on your knees.”

If this were all “Praying” was, I’d still adore it for its bold sincerity, but what certifies this song as the best of the year is the way the song builds. About halfway through the second verse, Kesha’s voice leaps an octave, and her tone shifts from vulnerable to utterly strident. Gradually, strings, backing vocals, pounding drums and horns enter the fold, giving way to the deeply moving second repeat of the chorus. And then the bridge happens, and after her crushing conclusion that “some things only God can forgive,” she lets out the note heard around the world. Though Kesha’s brand was established on semi-satirical autotune pop, it’s this moment that proves all her detractors horribly wrong in their assertion that she had “no talent.”

And while the high note is remarkable in and of its self, its potency is matched by the very end of the song, where the music fades away. As Kesha delivers her final lines, you can hear her crying as she steps away from the microphone. This moment is one of the rawest concentrations of lived-in emotion I’ve heard in the mainstream in years, and all the more evidence that this is real. Some people might call “Praying” the best Adele song that she never sang, but this is Kesha’s story. Unfortunately, it’s the story of far too many women in our society as well, but as more and more powerful men are being exposed and cancelled for their unacceptable treatment of women, this song couldn’t exist at a better time.

Thank you for reading! I’m considering writing about my favorite albums of the year, so if you’d like to see something like that, please let me know!

[forestwater87]

Things have been . . . weird since David visited. Like a veil's fallen that really should've stayed up.

Like it's just a matter of time before things all go to hell.

So this happened! It wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t have @raenbowsofficial​ beta-ing and @hopefullypessimistic84​ and @ciphernetics​ keeping me, as usual, from completely ripping this story into pieces and sobbing on the fragments. You have them to blame for this. (It was going to be much longer but then things got weird so I’m splitting it up. But next chapter we’re returning to camp, so yay!)

The chapter is also below the cut, in case you prefer reading stuff in Tumblr instead of AO3.

Also the title is shamelessly ripping from the Gwenniest song that has ever existed. It’s amazing and everyone should listen to it.

April 2017

"It's your birthdayyyyyy! You can't say you're just gonna do nothing!"

Gwen glanced up at Claire with a frown. She'd sort of assumed the ripped tank top and oversized boxers — as well as the fact that she was curled up in bed surrounded by two family-sized bags of Cheetos — spoke for her. "Right, but I just did."

Claire maneuvered the chaotic bedroom, plopping down on the foot of the bed (nearly squashing Platypus, who'd taken shelter under a pile of blankets). "But you're twenty-seven!"

"That's not an important year, Claire-bear. No one gives a shit about 27. Besides, I have work tomorrow."

She dismissed the thought with a wave. "It's a Thursday night, work doesn't matter." Her face turned serious, the kind of doe-eyed earnestness that reminded her painfully of David. "You've been moping ever since he left, Gwen. I just got used to seeing you happy."

Gwen rolled her eyes, trying not to be touched by her roommate's concern. "He didn't die," she muttered, "he went back home. It's fine. We're talking tonight." For like five minutes, because he had work. And that was fine, they'd planned for that, she knew he had to work himself ragged to live on his camp counselor's salary.

It didn't bother her.

"Come onnnn, Santa. Please let us take you out?" She pouted, and it was irritatingly adorable; Claire was a porcelain doll, all delicate features and fragile vulnerability that made it almost impossible to say no to her. (She never had to pay for things. It was so unfair.)

But fuck, Gwen hated socializing. "Maybe," she finally said, pulling her computer into her lap and pointedly turning her attention to Tumblr. "I'll check with David."

"I think it's a great idea!"

Gwen sighed. Of course he did. Not that he was the kind of guy who'd forbid her to go even if he didn't want her to, but that'd been her last possible excuse. "Are you sure? New York's dangerous, and I'll be drinking." She paused meaningfully. "Could be risky."

There was just the briefest hesitation. "I'm sure you'll be fine!" Another tiny pause, then David added, "You have Claire and Ana going with you, right?"

"Yeah." Not that she expected her roommates to be much help in an attempted kidnapping scenario, but if this stupid celebration bullshit was inevitable, she didn't want him worrying all night. He might accidentally get distracted and kill one of the people at the retirement home or something. "It'll be fine, I just don't wanna."

She couldn't see him, of course, but she could piece together an image: it was a Thursday afternoon, so he was probably getting ready to start his shift at the diner. Which meant he was dressed in his uniform: an ugly yellow polo and pale-green apron over his usual shorts, with the camp bandanna tied around his neck. He liked to walk when the weather was nice, and since she could hear the sounds of traffic and voices in the background she assumed he was on his way there now, bopping along through his storybook town with his goofy bounding gait.

He was smiling, of course he was smiling. He was almost always smiling.

"Well, it is your birthday, so you can do whatever you want! But . . . I don't want you to be lonely." Some of the brightness dropped out of his voice. "I'm sorry I won't be there."

Gwen snorted. "That's fucking stupid. It's just a day. You visited like two weeks ago, and you didn't even have to do that. It's fine." It was as much a reminder to herself as to him, because as selfish and unreasonable as it was to be disappointed, she couldn't help but feel a small pang that the one person she really wanted to see wouldn't be around.

God, the one person you wanna see? Melodramatic much?

Besides, he'd gotten her a present, even though they hadn't been dating long enough to warrant it. Sure, she'd given him a dorky green plaid Snuggie for his birthday, but that was a joke more than a real gift, because it was December and fit the whole weird nature-hipster vibe he had going on. (Okay, so he'd teared up and as far as she knew wore it more than any reasonable person should, but that was just how David was; she could've gotten him a $1 keychain and he would've had the same reaction.) The highlighter-pink butterfly knife he'd given her in return, besides being the single most David gift she could imagine — because what the fuck was she supposed to do with a giant-ass knife in the middle of Brooklyn? Was it in case an impromptu camping trip broke out on the subway? — was way nicer than she deserved.

"I think you'll have a lot of fun, Gwen. You should think about it." And the way he said it was so sincere and eager that she knew she had to go, because she couldn't let him down.

"I'm not promising anything," she said with a groan, kicking herself free of the mass of rumpled sheets that buried her bed and stumbling over to the closet. "Christ, now I have to find something to wear." She started rummaging through her closet, putting her phone on speaker so she could hunt. "We're looking for something that says 'I'm hot enough to be tagged in Facebook photos' but also 'if you try to touch me I'll rip your face off and use it as a cocktail umbrella.'"

David laughed, and the sound was like a burst of sunlight. "Just make sure you're safe! You have that knife —"

"What d'you think I'm using to cut off their faces?" Gwen snagged one of her what seemed like thousands of variations on the little black dress (god, she had a lot of slutwear, didn't she? Amazing how half her closet had become irrelevant now that she'd had a steady boyfriend for more than 6 months), a high-waisted flared miniskirt and a lacy black crop top. Sleeveless, but it went up to her neck and there was only a thin strip of midriff to worry about, so while it was a little light for the weather, it wasn't like she'd be spending much time outside. "There we go. Nice and skanky." She snorted and rolled her eyes, setting it aside and diving back into the mess for shoes. "I better not have to buy a single drink tonight, because I'm gonna look awesome."

"You're always beautiful!" She didn't respond, focused on finding a pair of heels that wouldn't make her want to chop her feet off by the end of the night, and after a few moments he asked, "Um . . . if — if you don't mind . . ."

"Hmm?" Gwen leaned back, inclining her ear toward the phone. David's voice had dropped, and she could barely hear him inside the closet.

"Nothing! I was . . . just wondering . . ." He chuckled awkwardly, and she could practically see him fidgeting with his bandanna. The dork. "If, well, before you go out, if you wouldn't mind t-taking a picture . . . of you, uh, all dressed up?"

Her mind filled in the blanks easily; she'd had enough practice speaking David to be pretty good at translating. "You fucking perv," she said with a laugh, grinning at his despairing squeak.

"I didn't — ! I mean, you don't ha-ave to, it's fine. Never mind." He sounded ridiculously bashful, and the image of him leaning against a streetlight or wall, bright red and stammering, was so vivid she felt a squeeze of something like homesickness constrict her chest, so intense it made her eyes sting.

"It's . . . hey, no problem, David." She cleared her throat, shaking her head to clear it. "If there's one thing I do well, it's take a hot selfie."

"You do lots of things well!"

For some reason the words, and the cheerful confidence with which he said them, made her wince. Which was obviously fucking stupid; she should just be happy someone was dumb enough to think that highly of her. "Go to work, you loser. You'll get in trouble if you're late, and I've got shit to do." She didn't, but she didn't want to be on the phone anymore either.

"Oh. Um, okay, of course!" He sounded just the tiniest bit off, just a pitch or two below his normal levels of happy, and she felt like a jackass for bumming him out like that. Why did she always have to bring the mood down with her whining? "Have a nice evening!"

"Y- . . ." Gwen paused, squeezing her eyes shut for a second and swallowing hard. "Yeah. You too. Bye."

She let the phone drop to the floor and returned to her bed.

An hour in and Gwen was convinced she should've stayed in bed. Three hours in, she started to wonder if she'd ever see her bed again.

It was around midnight, as she was considering abandoning her roommates to their own devices, that she felt a hand on her hip. It was large and warm, and for half a second she leaned into it before remembering that David was 6 hours away. "Hey." She kept her voice neutral because it was hard to tell who was just a normal creep and who was a "it puts the lotion on its skin" kinda creep, but she firmly took the stranger's wrist and plucked his hand off of her. "I have a boyfriend, but thanks."

As soon as she'd dropped his arm, shoving it toward him like pushing a boat away from the dock at camp, there was another on her shoulder, turning her to face him. He was cute, she supposed, in a very "my dad's a Republican" way, which wasn't her type: big and broad, dressed in artfully-distressed jeans, boat shoes, and a lilac button-down that matched his hair — hair that actually reminded her a little of David's, but that was where the similarities ended. This stranger was tan and muscled, with well-cared-for, uncalloused hands and thick square nails that weren't bitten short and ragged. There was none of David's nervous fluttery energy; she had a feeling this guy would never appear at the breakfast table with his shirt on inside-out because he was just too excited about starting the day to check his clothes.

He also might be an octopus. Gwen couldn't get far enough away to get a good look at his arms, but every time she moved one off of her another appeared — on her waist, in her hair, at her elbow, dangerously close to her ass. It seemed like way too many hands for one person.

"Wanna dance?" he asked, steamrollering over her. "Your boyfriend won't mind you dancing, right? We'll just dance as friends." Gwen opened her mouth to reply, but his hand planted on the small of her back in what seemed like a very unfriendly way. "You can't say no to making a new friend, right?"

"Hey." The voice came from behind her, deep enough to rumble in her chest, and the next thing she knew there was yet another hand on her, pulling her against his side. "Thought I'd lost you, babe." The stranger pecked her on top of the head, a quick kiss and a squeeze around her shoulders, then turned to the lavender bro and said, "See ya around" before dragging her toward the bar.

She wriggled free of the heavy arm constricting her neck. "The fuck're you doing?"

He smirked, leaning against the bar and ordering with just the lift of two fingers. "Saving you from that guy." He shrugged, gesturing to the stool next to him. "Never done the fake-boyfriend thing before, but I figured you'd appreciate being rescued."

Gwen paused. On the one hand, she'd most certainly wanted to get away, and there was something strangely romantic about someone swooping in and pretending to be her boyfriend like that. On the other hand, she was now with another total stranger, one who was showing no signs of helping her get a ride home, or find her friends, or . . . well, anything she'd expect from someone truly interested in aiding a drunk woman in distress. Things, she realized with a pang, David would do in a heartbeat. "Listen, that was . . . uh, nice of you, but I —"

"Have a boyfriend. I heard," he replied, sounding bored. As two beers were set in front of him, he pushed one of them in her direction without looking over. "They're craft, local. Only shit worth drinking." He glanced at her sideways, a dismissive flick of his eyes before returning to the dance floor. "Everywhere else serves cheap manufactured shit thinking the sorority girls buying it on their daddy's credit card are too dumb or wasted to know the difference. No offense."

She bristled, taking the drink. It tasted exactly like every other mediocre beer she'd had in a club, but she tried to look vaguely impressed, like she knew what he was talking about. "I'm twenty-seven," she muttered into the bottle. "I'm not a sorority girl. Not dumb either," she added belatedly, wincing at her own painful lack of cool. Not that it mattered if some douchebag with a bad haircut and thick-rimmed glasses thought she was cool, but it was . . . kind of a habit at this point, to try and prove herself.

"Huh. You seemed like the type, with that whole —" He gestured at her vaguely, "hot bimbo look. Trying to recapture the glory days?"

"No. I was never into that kinda thing." And she didn't know why she felt compelled to keep talking, except that something about being underestimated by this guy felt strangely familiar, and it really, really bothered her. "My friends dragged me here."

"Some friends." He snorted. "But yeah, same. Roommate's bachelor party. I've been reading out of protest." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, worn paperback copy of Breakfast of Champions. "Vonnegut. Recommendation: read the book, don't watch the movie."

Swoon. There was a part of Gwen that was very susceptible to this, a guy reading in a bar, noticing she was in distress and sweeping her away, all condescending half-compliments and a weird inexplicable magnetism.

He was her type, definitely. And yet . . .

She glanced away, biting back a giggle. Because the first thing that entered her mind was David's voice, concerned and alarmed and unintentionally devastating: "He shouldn't read in a place like this! He'll strain his eyes!" And the image of David, walking up to this stranger and accidentally ruining his bad-boy-intellectual persona by offering the flashlight he always kept on his keyring . . . well, it was ridiculous.

Almost as ridiculous as trying to read in the middle of a club. "I wrote my thesis on American satire." (Okay, no she hadn't, but "I took a class on it once" didn't sound as good. And for whatever stupid reason, she wanted to sound good.) "So thanks, I'll take that under consideration."

Gwen wasn't sure if she'd said that to make him leave or prolong the conversation, so she didn't know how to feel when his eyebrows flicked up, impressed. "No kidding? Did you notice how the story's structure mirrors the emptiness of human existe —"

"Sure did," she grumbled, taking another sip of her syrupy beer and trying to figure out what she was still doing in this conversation. She wasn't enjoying herself, and wasn't that the entire fucking point of a birthday? "Listen, thanks for the beer and everything, but . . ."

"The boyfriend." He rolled his eyes, leaning against the bar with a dramatic sigh. "You know, you're really not my type. I haven't been flirting with you at all, in fact." He peered at her over his thick glasses, a shock of floppy black hair falling into his reddish eyes. "Maybe I'm not the one you keep reminding."

"I —" That wasn't fair, she'd only mentioned David once. And what kind of arrogant jerk assumed someone was into them mid-rejection? But something about his tone of voice, his indifferent confidence despite being completely wrong, was oddly attractive. Like she'd been here before.

Like she'd be here again.

He was familiar, that was the thing. Almost comforting, the way Camp Campbell was comforting in its predictable shittiness. It wasn't new, it wasn't scary. If she kept flirting with him she could more or less see where it'd go — plus or minus the random fluttering hope that this one would work out, that she could change him, that she could save him. That he could save her.

He leaned in, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears, a move she'd considered romantic up until this second. But if he was bothered by the way she jerked away he didn't show it, taking a sip from his beer with a bored shrug. "Just seems like you wouldn't be here talking to me if you were happy." He glanced at her sideways. "Let me guess, he's really nice."

The way he said that, sneered it like it was something to be embarrassed about, made her skin prickle. "Fuck off," she snarled, pushing away from the bar finally.

"Knew it." And he was so smug, in a way she would've melted for this time last year but now made her seriously tempted to deck him. "Some friendly advice, not-sorority girl: consider finding someone you deserve." He set his drink down, cupped her cheek with one hand. "Why waste a nice guy's time?"

And like he'd choreographed it his mouth was on hers before she could respond, and first she was just shocked but then she felt sick because he was right, he was an unwashed prick too stupid to know it was a bad idea to try and read in a dimly-lit bar but he'd nailed her relationship to the detail. He was wrong about the conclusion — he wanted her to think she was too good for David but it was the opposite, David was too good for her.

And . . . now he knew it.

David had visited her home, he'd met her family and seen her life and gotten front-row seats to what a disaster she was, so much of a mess she couldn't even make people related to her love her, and he knew how much work she'd be — and all of that was two weeks ago but for those two weeks she'd been waiting for the other shoe to drop, to pick up the phone and hear "maybe you shouldn't come back to camp this summer." Every time he had to work or call Julia or visit his mom it felt like an excuse to avoid her.

But that wasn't fair. If anything she was avoiding him: letting texts go unanswered, not picking up the phone immediately, looking for shifts when she knew he was free because if he couldn't talk to her he couldn't leave her. It was dumb, it was crazy and dumb and cruel but she was scared okay, guys like David scared her and guys who read in bars didn't. She wasn't afraid of guys who kissed her like they knew they were good at it, kissed her like they owned her instead of shaking from nerves or want or whatever it was that made David fall apart when she touched him. She wasn't afraid of guys who liked to watch her scramble to impress them because they were prepared to be disappointed, they looked forward to it because it proved them right, they didn't have expectations for her to fall short of they didn't put her on a pedestal they didn't have a look in their eyes, like she was special and beautiful and worthwhile, that she was so afraid to lose it kept her up at night. She didn't have to be afraid of guys who looked down on her because she knew what she was getting, and so did they: they expected an insecure defensive girl who sometimes cried for no reason and sometimes couldn't force herself out of bed, and so she didn't have to lie and pretend to keep it together, because if she did those things she wasn't letting them down, she was just doing what they expected and they'd respond the way she expected and nobody was unpleasantly surprised.

And if she was going to fail David, if eventually he'd just come to see what her parents did and her brothers did and Campbell did and everyone who'd ever dated her did . . . then what was the point in wasting his time?

"See what I mean?" he whispered, pulling back just far enough to move his lips. His breath smelled like beer with an undertone of cigarette smoke, acrid and familiar. One hand traced up her thigh, stopping at the hem of her skirt.

She smiled, because she did.

"Gwen?" Audree's voice was bleary, sleep-sluggish; of course it was, Gwen was on her doorstep at one in the morning and Audree worked insane hours, she was a professional, she didn't have time for stupid childish relationship bullshit.

But here she was, shivering in the unseasonably cold weather with her numb lips nearly kissing a small black intercom. Because she didn't have any close friends and her roommates were too drunk and her mom would never understand and David — she couldn't talk to David.

Like always, Gwen needed her big sister.

"I . . ." She paused, trying to figure out how to explain herself. "Audree, I . . ."

That was as far as she got before she started crying.

"Fuck, Gwennie, hold on." There was a shrill, unpleasant buzzing at her ear, and she'd barely pushed open the door to the apartment building when Audree burst into view, careening around the stairs and nearly knocking Gwen down. "Are you okay?" Audree asked, taking her by the shoulders and looking her up and down. Her jaw tightened; Gwen didn't know what she looked like, but after 45 minutes of sobbing in the back of an Uber it probably wasn't pretty. "What happened? Who —"

"S'fine," she choked out, pushing Audree away and wiping at her face. "No one — it was me, I . . ."

Audree led her up to the apartment, settling her down on the couch before taking a seat in the chair opposite, putting her chin in her hands and watching Gwen with a laser-focused intensity that would've been unnerving if she wasn't used to it. (Her sister's resting expression went beyond "bitch face" into "American Psycho face," which made her a great lawyer and a terrible comforter.) She didn't say anything, just waited with those searching teal eyes cataloging everything about her, like she was already preparing her testimony against whoever'd hurt her baby sister. "Yes, Your Honor, she arrived at exactly 1:15 am. She didn't seem to have any visible bruises but she was crying . . ."

"Nobody hurt me," she finally muttered, staring down at her stupid slutty shoes, shoes she'd only worn because she'd once bullied David into admitting he had a thing for red heels. All that effort for a stupid fucking picture. "I'm just . . . shitty." Audree made a soft encouraging sound, a quiet noncommittal hum, a "I minored in social work and want you to open up at your own pace" noise that worked on witnesses and it worked on her. "I, uh, kissed this guy. I mean, he kissed me but I kinda knew he would and he was a dick and I probably could've, like, stopped him but I didn't." Her fingers were shaking. Why were her fingers shaking? "He, he w-wanted to — I mean he didn't ask but I could tell he was gonna and I was scared of what I'd say because what if I said yes? And I freaked out and left and I di- hhhidn't know where to go so I came here." She winced, realizing how selfish that was. "Sorry to wake you up."

For a minute Audree was quiet. "So do you like this guy or . . ."

Gwen made a sound that was somewhere between a scoff and a sob. "What? No."

"So you feel guilty because you didn't successfully fend off a creep before he assaulted you?" Almost immediately she added, "Fuck, sorry Gwennie, I promise I'm not lawyering you, I'm just a cunt sometimes. I didn't mean it like that, lemme try again." She took an exaggerated deep breath. "You were talking to a guy, and you think he was hitting on you and you . . . flirted back?"

"Not really." Sure, it was sometimes hard to tell where the line between "go fuck yourself tee hee" and "go fuck yourself before I stab you in the eye with this straw" was, but she had trouble imagining how (outside a bad romance novel) she could've been flirting. "I told him I had a boyfriend. But he said — he said I shouldn't be with a guy like David!"

"Riiiiiight, but this guy was an asshole. And he was wrong about you wanting him to kiss you."

"Well . . ." Audree was mostly right. What Gwen wanted was to be in David's ridiculously grandmotherly apartment, curled up under the bright pink blanket he'd knitted in high school and listening to him try to teach her Pokémon. Yet that didn't explain the strange attraction she'd had to the arrogant creep, the familiarity.

She hadn't wanted that stranger to kiss her, not exactly. But something about it had felt right.

"Listen, Gwen, there's nothing wrong with wanting to kiss someone, because, y'know, you're not dead." She leaned forward, fixing her with that iron stare that was half "trust me, I'm your sister and I love you" and half "eagle watching a mouse." (Great lawyer. Terrible comforter.) "Hell, there's nothing wrong with flirting either. What I don't get is why some douchebag's opinion matters so much."

Neither did she, exactly. "He reminded me of . . ." Well jeez, she could start listing names but they'd be there all night, "of some of the guys I've dated."

Audree quirked one eyebrow. "Even more reason not to listen to him."

"I know, but —" Audree's apartment was warm, she could afford real heat. It was warm and comforting and she was safe, so why were her fingers still shaking? "He was my type."

She pressed her lips together. "You know what I think about your type, Gwennie." This was a conversation they'd had a few (hundred) times before. "You deserve better."

"Why?"

And there it was. Like something in her chest had snapped, words came spilling out in a rush. "I'm not a good person, Dree. I don't have anything going for me, so in what fucking universe do I deserve better? And okay, maybe I could find a nice guy, but not David. He . . . he deserves someone sweet and pretty and h-happy and not . . ."

Broken.

It sounded so melodramatic, but she was. Because whole people weren't paralyzed by their own self-loathing, they didn't try ruin things before they could even get started, they didn't kiss smoke-flavored strangers in bars because they loved their boyfriend too much and were terrified of that.

"He loves kids, and I don't. We don't — don't have anything in common, and sometimes . . . I don't know what we have going for us except, y'know, stuff he doesn't have to get from me."

Audree wrinkled her nose. "Not an image I needed, sis." She grimaced and said, "Fuck, I'm being an asshole again, sorry," moving so she was sitting on the couch next to her and pulling her into an awkward half-hug. (None of the Santos clan were very good at hugging, something Gwen hadn't really noticed until she'd gotten used to David's.) "You don't think you're right for him?"

Gwen didn't think she was right, period. "I just think he . . . if he knew better, he wouldn't waste his time on me."

"Isn't that kinda his decision?"

She shrugged, leaning her head into the soft black cloud of Audree's hair. "But he's new to all this. Isn't my terrible dating experience good for something?"

"Yes," Audree said firmly. "It means you know what not to do. You know how people can make each other feel like shit, and you can do the opposite."

Gwen made a face. "I'm not . . . good at that kinda thing. The being-nice thing."

"Look who you're fucking talking to. But don't you wanna try?" She pulled back, her expression expectant and pitying. "It seems like you think he deserves that."

She couldn't meet her sister's eyes, so she picked at the carpet's upholstery. "You sound like David's mom. She's all smart and has her shit together too."

"Oh?" Audree's eyes lit up, a sly grin spreading across her face. "Single mother, right? Bit of a cougar?"

Gwen picked up a pillow and hit her with a snort of disgust. "No, you don't get to hit on his mom! I mean, you're probably never gonna meet her, because shit'll go wrong way before then, but still. Leave her alone."

"Oh, Gwen." Her smile softened, and she snuggled closer to slip an arm around Gwen's shoulders. "Someday you're gonna believe you deserve the good things that happen to you. And I'm gonna be there to say I told you so."

She laughed, the sound weak and hollow even to her. "Well now it has to happen, because you're never wrong." She sighed, adjusting Audree's arm so it was less stiff and uncomfortable. "He should be with someone like you," she muttered finally. "Someone hotter and without all the, like, bitterness and failure."

"Nuh-uh. David's cute, but have you seen women?" Gwen tried to smile, but she was exhausted all of a sudden. "You need to talk to him, y'know, about all this shit. Because I mean, I don't know the guy, but he didn't look like he has a fucking clue you're thinking any of this."

Audree was probably right. She usually was. But the last thing Gwen wanted to do was explain to David in painstaking detail all the reasons he deserved so much better than her, especially when he was probably already beginning to put the pieces together himself. (How could he not, after seeing how she lived?) "Yeah, probably."

"That's the best I'm getting, huh?" Audree ruffled her hair and climbed to her feet, stretching. "It's way too late for you to go home. Your room's waiting for you."

"It's not my room," Gwen grumbled, following Audree into the guest room and accepting the pajamas her sister found for her.

She grinned. "It could be." When Gwen didn't respond, she frowned and leaned against the wall. "Come on, at least think about moving in."

"I told you, I can't afford this. I couldn't even pay a quarter of the rent, so I dunno why you're even bothering." She did, of course; her sister was a good person, and she worried.

"I pay full rent on this place anyway, I don't need you chipping in anything. And it's not charity," she added as Gwen opened her mouth, "I wanna live with you."

She knew better than to ask why (no one needed a middle-of-the-night lecture on self-esteem), but they both knew she was thinking it. "I have Platypus, though."

"I love that little fucker, so don't even try to use him against me." Giving up, she pecked Gwen on the temple. "Fine, go to sleep. Just . . . I want you to move in because I like spending time with you. I think David does, too. It's okay if you're all you have to offer, all right? It's good enough."

Gwen was going to make fun of her, ask her what stupid self-help book she'd found that in. But her throat was a little tight, so she just nodded. "Thanks, Dree. Night."

"Night, Gwennie. It's gonna be fine, okay?"

She wanted to believe that.

[athleisure-aesthetic]

I did the thing again 💁🏽 I'll attempt to keep it brief. We know how much I struggle with that tho...

April 21 Friday was my first trip to bikram yoga, and I was very very nervous. I had never been to bikram yoga, and it would have been only my second official yoga class ever. The other class I had taken was with a friend at the studio near our school, and it was just a regular hot vinyasa class. That instructor made me feel very welcomed and very capable, and it was a way smaller class, so she actually came over and helped me with my poses. All I knew was that bikram was hotter than the regular hot class, it had a series of 26 poses that you cycled through, and that you sweat out like your whole body weight over the 75 minutes. Sweet.

Showed up like 3 minutes before (in shorts, btw, #nsv for me), and the room was packed, mostly full of people in shavasana. I had to squeeze in a spot by the heater (kill me) and it seemed to me like the class was 85% regulars. I would soon learn that my instinct was hella correct. We were asked who was new, and out of like literally 35-40 people, I was the only one. Thought that meant she could help me. Nope. We went through the breathing exercise and went off into the poses after a few minutes. I had already begun to feel a little lightheaded, but my fear of looking dumb focused me. I looked up and noticed my instructor didn't even do single pose. How am I supposed to know what to do, or the proper form?? She would talk, walk around, and actually scroll through her phone... like I know it's 5:30 on a Friday but you signed up for this shit. You don't get to do that. She also made a lot of inside jokes with the regulars, some whom I later believed to be other instructors, and like did not encourage modification. She was like I know you can push further, so do it. Like HOMIE that is not what you're supposed to do, especially if you're new!! She was very serious about no talking or making noise, so she only came over to the guy next to me who kept cursing when his grip would slip to help him modify.

Things I found out: A, you need like a legit swimming towel or actual full size yoga towel for this kind of yoga because I felt like I was drowning in sweat. I had to wring out my shirt and shorts when I left. B, you're pretty much on your own at this studio, even if it says "all levels." They were not helpful for new people. C, it's a great detox, if you can get past the fact that you may not be able to hold any of your poses because your body is so slick from sweat. My forearms ended up being sore for the next two days because of how much I was straining to hold onto my poses. D, you should not be alarmed by how much it sounds like snakes are in the room whenever you do an open-mouth exhale. I was for a lot of the class, and it was SO distracting because I thought it was funny. Some people go really hard. And I mean REALLY hard with the breathing.

I think the only reason I would go back would be to go with a friend, and definitely another instructor. Sorry, Robyn. I want a chick who gives a shit about my class. She did end on a funny song, though. +1 for you.

Spent the rest of the evening being productive, doing laundry and cleaning my room. It was a glorious Friday night.

Listening to: "I Want It That Way" by Backstreet Boys

April 22 It was supposed to rain all day Saturday, and I was anxious bc I had another long run. I really wanted to meet up with CFG again, though, so I forced myself out of bed, put on a hat and jacket, and hoped for the best. When I got to Dilworth, I coudln't find the group anywhere, and I waited until the last possible second, but decided the weather must've detered most people, or they left already, so I set out on my own. This 6.5 miles sucked so much more than last week's great 7 mile run. Maybe it was the weather or fatigue, but I just was not feeling the groove. I stopped for a hot second on Kelly Drive to breathe and to check out some of the statues and stuff. In hindsight, those pictures are very uneventful. At my halfway point, it started raining and I was like ughhhhhhh well at least I had that hat. This run felt so much harder than my last long run, and I wonder if it's just because my body's like YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT. At the last mile, though, I had a great few songs push me through, including Guns and Ships from Hamilton and What Do U Mean (I'm a sucker for Bieber). I finished around city hall, where there was an Earth Day protest going on. It's kinda cool that every weekend there are a lot of people around my city screaming about how much 45 sucks.

Later I got Snap pizza with friends and did not feel guilty about it whatsoever.

6.51 mi 10'17" min / mi

Listening to: "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus

April 23 Sunday was so much nicer out than Saturday, which was an excellent motivator to get me to FlyWheel. This was my second spin class, and first at FlyWheel. First impressions were amazing: you walk down the steps into like this pit, where they give you cycling shoes and there's a shop (I wanted everything even though I knew I wouldn't become an avid spinner bc $$, BUT EVERYTHING WAS SO CUTE). Then you find your bike in "the stadium" and wait until the staff is finished cleaning the bikes and putting out fresh towels to hop on. I got help from one of the staff, and thankfully this bike felt more comfortable than my first ride. Looking down, I saw these two pole things on the side of my bike, and a cool electronic torq tracker. I loved that you could opt into the torq board beforehand so you wouldn't be stressed about putting it in day-of. Suddenly, the lights went off and we were off. My instructor was super motivating and friendly, pushing us through a series of hills and sprints. I was happy that I had taken a spin class before, though, because I knew the positions when the she called them out. I admittedly signed up for her class specifically because on her profile she said she sang a cappella in her free time, so I was hoping she'd either A, have a great playlist, and / or B, sing throughout some of the songs lol. She started us out of "Wop" which I hadn't heard in like 6 years, so I was happy about that. On the penultimate song, she had us grab the bars next to our bikes and do an arms workout, which was surprisingly tough to focus on both the legs and arms at the same time. At the end I felt really good, definitely exhausted, but like I could go back the next day for sure. Absolutely one of my favorite workout classes I've ever taken. I see why people catch the bug now.

After class, I hung out at TJU for a bit before showering and going to Rittenhouse to hang out in the park. Since it was World Book Day, I bought both You Are a Badass (which is definitely going to change my life, if not give me some awesome quotes to live by) and Bossypants. I was feeling the energy. I was also thankful I brought my journal to the park, bc this one guy came up to me randomly and started hitting on me for like 10 minutes and I clearly did not want him there, so I wrote a whole bunch of pages about the entitlement of men and how some people must give off "please bother me" vibes. Overall great day, though, because I was happy I was getting back into writing.

Listening to: "Scream & Shout" by will.i.am. & Britney Spears

Also worked out yesterday, but I don't feel like writing about that rn. It was uneventful, other than my Nike Run Club app being annoying and not properly recording my treadmill tempo run. What's new. Today I'm giving myself my first full day off from working out in what feels like 2 months, so I'm very excited to not do anything. Also had a free bagel this morning because my work was giving them out. BLESSSSSSSS.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Seven things finishing my seventh book taught me

Hey People of Earth!

This is kind of nuts to say, and I legitimately did not think I’d be writing this for another month, but uh.

I finished my seventh book.

ahawkvkjncahvbwkdj

So I kind of made a stupid, somewhat fleeting goal this past Friday, as I usually do. And that was to finish this book at all costs.

I didn’t really think I was going to do it. I had a massive school project to finish, and you know, I didn’t really factor finishing my seventh book to be a thing that I’d actually. I just made a pretty far-fetched goal, and thought it’d be interesting to see how far I got with it by Sunday night.

And I did it... I really did it, and it’s kind of insane to think that I actually did it.

I don’t know who follows my writing updates on here, but if you have been, you’d know that this has been the hardest book I have ever written in my entire life. No joke. So far, FOSTERED #4 has been so difficult for me to write, for a lot of reasons. First off: new content. I was writing about something so greatly out of my comfort zone, and this was a little harder to do than anticipated. The story really changed from its usual action-adventure type of arc, and morphed into something super dark and elaborate.

I brought out parts of my cast that I didn’t even know existed. The book really didn’t branch off from my main cast (around four characters), so it was vital to flesh them out in ways I hadn’t in the previous three books. Overall, the book only followed six people in total that really made a huge impact on the storyline. (Small casts for some reason are a thing I do. I don’ t know why I do that thing, but it continues to be a consistently recurring thing I do.)

Yeah, I’ll be honest--this book was emotionally draining on me. On top of my insane semester, it was so hard for me to push through this book as quickly as I usually do. To this day, this novel’s taken me the longest to write, ever. I started it in July, and finished it yesterday, on the 22nd of January. That’s six and a half months. Almost 200 entire days. That’s double my average drafting time. And it’s not like it was a behemoth of a book like book three was (with DOUBLE the word count, written for an overall period of five months). It’s final WC clocks in at a little over 114k words.

For me (and of course, this is just my pace, you may work differently), this was a major indication that this book was giving me a hard time. And not because of lack of plot-direction, but because I was having a hard time believing in the novel itself. I’d hate every chapter I’d write, but keep writing anyway, and that’s the thing with this book. I almost had to force myself to get it out there because I hardly believed in it as a whole.

This isn’t just because of the plot (which is hardly the reason), but has more to do with my writing. I had some major self-doubt when writing this book because it seemed as though I’d completely bombed in the writing department, and reversed the years of practice I’ve had. I felt like book four was a load of actual shit when writing the entire book from start to finish. And looking back on it, that’s kind of sad. Because the writing is some of the best I’ve produced--and while it’s not perfect by any means, these last couple weeks have really showed me that it’s really not nearly as terrible as I thought it was.

So yes. Ramble over. I just wanted to be completely honest with you guys, because writing this book was not a good experience for me, enjoyment-wise. Finishing it is another story. When I wrote that final sentence yesterday, I felt like I’d done something. I usually don’t feel much besides some nostalgia after finishing my books, but when I finished this one... It was like, I knew I poured my soul into every word written, and I was so incredibly proud of myself for doing so.

To end on a lighter note, here I am to list seven things writing this book taught me.

1. Writing a book is really, really, really, really hard.

So, I personally never had an issue with writing my other six books, honestly. It was like continuous waves of euphoria when writing--some minor struggles, here and there, and one major bump in the road, but beyond that, writing was easy.

AND THEN BOOK FOUR CAME.

I’ve outlined my struggles with writing this book above, but yeah, I kind of realized while writing this book that every book requires different things, and some are hella harder to write than others.

2. Sometimes, writing seems like my greatest strength, and my worst enemy.

What I mean by this is... Writing is something I love with all of my heart, and more than anything--it’s my passion. But while I love it, that admiration and care I have for writing is what makes me feel the most insecure. Because I love it so much, it’s become something I fear. And this is totally something I’m working on. I fear that my writing’s only getting worse. That my storytelling’s getting worse. That my creativity is dwindling. In reality, none of these things are true. I’ve loved words my entire life, and that’s never going to change. But it’s when doubt mingles with love that things get rough for me. This sucks, but I know it’s something that’ll continue to follow me--and any other creative--for the rest of my life.

3. I need to get off my back sometimes.

With this book, it was hard to look back at something and say I genuinely liked it. Because most of the time, I was so wound up in sadness when it came to the story and where it was going. I kind of forgot why I loved the book and its characters in the first place. I think this is bound to happen eventually to every writer--there’s always going to be that one book that was really hard to write. This book was mine. But I think this is important. It helped me grow. Helped me see the potential in something I really just wanted to finish and never have to deal with again.

4. Writing updates are great.

Yeah, definitely. This was probably the only thing I looked forward to doing when it came to writing this book, lol. I loved sharing my journey with you, and with this book. Writing updates have always been one of my favourite things to do, but with this book... I think they genuinely helped keep me on track when I felt like quitting.

So thank you. To you guys for reading them, and for supporting this blog. :)

5. Music and books might just save your dying project.

So. I figured out the a soundtrack album to this book when I was in NYC listening to Daughter’s Not To Disappear for the first time. That trip kicked off most of my major ideas for this novel, and so did the album. If you’re in a similar position to me right now--hating the project you’re working on--look out for music, and any other sort of creative inspiration.

On the days I was practically forcing myself to write, listening to this album saved me from just quitting. (I seriously hate quitting things guys, this isn’t something I’d even consider usually.) And towards the end of the book, it’s what pumped me up.

To name a few favourites from Daughter (which is all I listen to write this series, even when I wasn’t a huge fan writing book one) that carried me through to the end:

- Numbers, (Not To Disappear)

THIS SONG IS SO FIRE. If you’re into Daughter, and or any sort of indie music, you have to listen to this song. I listened to this on repeat while writing chapter 28 on Friday night.

- Made of Stone (Not To Disappear)

MORE FIRE. This was the first song I really saw as my MC’s theme song, (though Numbers beat it by a hair), and I loooove it. The final line, you’ll find love kid, it exists is lovely.

- Smother (If You Leave)

I’ve been listening to this song since writing book two in 2015, and it’s stuck with me. Gahhhhhhhhh. I’ve been loving their live performance of it live at Tate Britain (because the vocals, Igor’s playing, and the actual video are art). Watch it HERE.

- Doing The Right Things (Not To Disappear)

Also wrote chapter 28 to this gem. It’s so haunting and beautiful...

- Drift

I believe Drift is the b-side to Human (If You Leave), but I could be wrong. Regardless, this song is SO great. If you’re writing any sort of action, or emotional scene, listen to this song. There aren’t any vocals, so it’s awesome to listen to if you get distracted easily! Could not stop listening to this song when writing chapter 28. I repeated it maybe 10 times.

6. I have a writing style?

Yeah... So, I personally haven’t really seen this with my own eyes, but my sister, who reads alllllll of my work noted this, which made me really happy. I mean, a writing style hasn’t been something I’ve been working on, but I guess I see where she’s coming from, which was super, super cool! I think my actual style for this story has remained fairly consistent within the series, and branches out to a more casual style in my contemporaries, but yeah, this was something I actually found myself liking!

7. I love this book, and all of the things it taught me.

Not only did writing this book open me up to issues in today’s society (mental illness, sexual abuse, women’s rights), it helped me understand them in ways I hadn’t expected it would. Also, this book helped me a lot, in ways I didn’t expect. I was able to express grief through the novel (grief for the world, my own struggles, etc), and learn to cope.

I’ve been having probably the worst couple months of my life, and this book is something that kept me grounded. Regardless of the hard times I had writing it, it helped me, even in an incredibly minute way.

And I know... it’s odd to say I love this book when all I’ve expressed is how hard it was to write, but in reality--I really do love it. It’s taken six months to finally realize it, but I am so proud of that book, and myself, and how far I’ve taken my looooooong series thus far. This series has been a solid 500 000 words of my life, and I have zero regrets in contributing to that final number with over 100k words that came from the heart. It might sound stupid to say that I wrote this book and I hated writing most of it, but I regret nothing. But this is honestly the truth. Looking back on it, I will never regret writing this book and deciding to continue my series that was supposed to just be three books. I’m thankful I did, because I learned a lot of things I wouldn’t have if I didn’t write it.

So thanks, FOSTERED #4. For being the hardest thing I’ve written. Because if you weren’t I would not have grown and worked muscles of my brain I didn’t even know existed. And also, for still not having a name, even though it’s been six months, but that’s for another time. ;)

I hope you guys enjoyed this post. I know it’s a little... more emotional than my usual posts, but man, writing this book was emotional as helllll. I’m happy it’s over, but I’m sad it’s gone. I’ll miss this book, but I take away all I learned, and I won’t forget that.

As always, thanks for reading. :)

--Rachel

[markssailingthecrisscolfership]

DIY ShowOff & Share

Hello, DIY friends! It’s time for a little DIY ShowOff & Share! Let’s get this party started! Link up your latest creative DIY project, browse the links to discover new blogs and to collect some DIY inspiration for your next project. 

DIYShowOff weekly recap: 

We’ve been working on the man cave renovation and it’s coming along! Oh my goodness! I swear every time we work on a room makeover, it’s my favorite place in the entire house. I can’t wait for it to be all done, for Mr. DIY to have a space all his own for entertaining. Part of our basement was simply two unused rooms. Plain. Boring. Under utilized. And you know what that means…we just piled everything down there and used it for storage. After removing a wall, installing gorgeous flooring (more on that here), a change in plans for the wall paint, a wood plank wall from old wood fencing, it’s looking so good! Do you find that working on one area gives you motivation to finish other projects too? I’m SO super stoked to get moving on some main floor projects too – painting the living room, giving it a makeover with some new furniture, area rug and decorating, two bathroom makeovers in the plans, a kitchen refresh, a master bedroom makeover that we’ve NEVER done. It always gets pushed back on the priority list. Imagine a relaxing romantic retreat. What is that?! lol Someday and hopefully 2019. I’m ready to dive in! Can’t wait!

Basement before…

Man cave in progress… we initially painted it a light green color but decided to go for something a little more dramatic. He chose a color called Carbon Copy from The Home Depot. Isn’t it gorgeous with that beautiful flooring and wall? ::drool:: 

AND I really need to get back to work on the #helloredreno series with creating an efficiency apartment consisting of a living room, kitchenette, huge bedroom makeover and finishing up the bathroom remodel. You guys! It’s going to be AWESOME! Thanks to the B&B across the street, I’m already get referrals and inquiries so it’s going to feel so good to get back to checking projects of the to-do list so that it can start generating some income. But, it’s an ‘as time and money allow’ type of renovation so hopefully it’s something I can accomplish sooner rather than later. Know what I mean? 

Not much to report in the way of progress but I’m on a mission to get ‘er done! Back to work! It’s going to be SUPER cute and available for your visit. ::wink::wink::

Feature! What an honor to be in the spotlight in a local Butler County Business Matters magazine for their March 2019 issue. What fun! You can catch the article here. 

March is my birthday month! I’m doing some celebrating! Catch the Birthday Bash post to get some more details and to celebrate. Big dreams, big goals! I’m so grateful for your support, appreciate very visit, comment, link share and pin. YOU are what makes DIYShowOff so much fun! Thank you!

  Party time: 

Link up your latest DIY project, room makeover, craft project or recipe. Browse the links to make new friends and find inspiration for your next DIY project. 

1. Please use the button above or text and link to this post to share the linky love. Here is the link: http://diyshowoff.com/category/other/that-diy-party/.

2. This blog linky party is for YOUR DIY projects only and YOUR IMAGES ONLY. Links not related to DIY will be deleted. Please share your link one week only. Please do not link giveaways, linky parties, promotions or a collection of inspiration that isn’t your own DIY project.

3. By joining the party, you give permission for your project to be featured and ‘shown off’ via blog highlight, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, G+. (Note: When pinning favorites, I prefer that you have a Pin button on your image or a Pinterest sharing button on your post.

4. If you’re here to share your DIY and link up or just browse the links for DIY inspiration, please consider visiting one of the links above to or leaving a comment to let me know what you think about my DIY too! Feedback makes my day! Thank you so much for your support!

5. If you’re viewing in mobile, you may need to click over/convert to “desktop view” to see the links.

6. Limit three links per week per blogger per party, please. Thank you!

from https://ift.tt/2NVqLnR

[bamboozle-floozle-shiznit]

First of all:

It’s interesting, this life we live. Isn’t it? Its like a movie and you’re the main character and no one gives you a script, but you feel like everyone else is reading from one and you need to improvise lines to deal with them. Here’s the mindfuck: they’re also the main character to themselves and believe they’re improvising as they go along.

“What’s my point?” I hear you say

My point is no one really knows what they’re doing here!

Most of us are just moving along, making it up as we go. Few of us have our lives planned out and even then life hits them HARD. I learnt a lot while in University, and maybe if I was a more active blogger at the time I’d have built a decent following and made use of that to push some ideas I’ve had laying dormant. No regrets though. Making a mountain out of a mole hill was my middle name in my teens. I was almost always planning, paranoid and anxious about something. I had a good way of hiding it: Preoccupying myself with other people’s problems and having a smoke or a drink with my guys in the evenings. It was very effective, numbing the anxiety and my worries but didn’t take them away. Sometimes it added more but on most days I just sat back, relaxed and enjoyed my time with people who were like me.

Now that I’m through with my philosophical musings:

WELCOME TO THE B-SIDE OF CRAB: THE DOUBLE LP by TOSAN

Hey guys! I promised a double post this weekend right? Here it is. I hope you’re happy. Bother. I deserve an accolade, blogging is a bitch to do, I love it but still.

So this post will have two topics in it:

My NYSC Experience

A life lesson I wish to share for my readers

The two will be interwoven because they’re relevant to each other, but it will be obvious when I am talking about one over the other.

In my final year of University I was extremely pressured to make it to a 2:1. In the previous post I told y’all I got out with a 3.56 but didn’t tell you how. It was a long push from my 300 level when I realized if I kept slacking I’d finish “badly”. So, I went hard and studied and was so anxious that I’d fail but I ended up getting to it. It felt really good because people knew I was on a 3.49 all the way to the end of my first semester of 400. I was on a 3.49 for a year!

It was after my finals that I got to 3.56 and it felt really good. The congratulations, the look on my mom’s face, my statement of result was lit so if I had to go for job interviews I’d look good.

I remember how hard I worked and how scared I was. I should’ve realized that all I needed to really do was work hard, pray and live life, be happy. I stressed till I graduated. I can’t even remember some things because of it.

Fast forward to NYSC registration and all that. I got the second batch, low-key I was stressing the registration because of placement and I wanted to serve quickly and keep it moving but it didn’t go the way I wanted because I didn’t get the first batch. I was sad but it ended up for good because I was able to graduate, celebrate my birthday and buy materials and learn from others mistakes because I went with the second batch. Also I was able to pick my certificate in peace. Some of my mates don’t have it yet cause they’re in other states. See why you shouldn’t stress?

Camp was quite the experience. I was at Lagos camp, some of you will hiss and say just Iyana Ipaja, it was sha still camp and if you don’t think it was worth it because it was close, that’s your cuppa tea.

So let’s develop a system before I start narrating the experience. I’ll divide it into weeks so I can summaries and I remember that I promised we won’t have a repeat of my month recap in the previous post.

You know what, fuck that. Take it how I type it.

So my first week was interesting. I was still trying to get used to it all. The bugle, the meals, the morning parade and all. I was in boarding school for my Junior Secondary Years so it was not that hard.

This was a typical day at camp, NOT ACCURATE, just a loose replication

4:45 : Morning Parade

7am: Breakfast

9am: Lectures

12:30: SAED

2PM: LUNCH

4PM: Man O War/Drills

6:30PM: Dinner

8:30pm: Socials (or for some of us Mami Flexing)

10:30PM: Lights out

So, as you can see it was a regimented life. Except Sundays.

Ordinary first day o, I got to the gate and this gate man saw matches abi was it lighter and was disturbing my life about if I smoke, telling me he will not do anything, bla bla me I was looking at him like

I acted all innocent. In the end he let me go.

God. Registration. REGISTRATION.

SEE, THIS LIFE, OBSERVE YOUR SURROUNDINGS.

Over 1000 smelly Nigerians gathered at the door of a hall and we were all tired. I had no idea I could’ve waited till the next day. Took it so seriously, put it on my head like a hawker and stayed there for hours. It wasn’t that bad though. I got in pretty early and registered did it all. I got Platoon 1.

Wait. I need to do this:

PLATOON1!!!! ACTION!!!!!

PLATOON WAAAAANNN!!!! ACTION!!!!

Okay I’m done.

So I got Platoon 1. S/O to Aunty Chioma, Poppin lady. She was awesome. We were the best platoon btw, I’m not hyping, we had the most 1sts and had the Overall best Corp member. Our Platoon leader Mr. Maleghemi Joseph aka Mr. Macho aka RJ aka baddest rapper, and inspirational leader.

After getting my platoon, I went in to get a room. See that my room ehn, we started very well but then I started to have issues with some of them because they made me welfare officer and some guy was being difficult. I digress. I went back to finish registration after getting settled in my room and got my kit . Please if your father works at NYSC, slap him for me, if it’s the two parents, slap them and then slap yourself. These people made us fill our sizes in the online registration and then we got there and almost everyone got random sizes. I was actually lucky and I got a goo jacket and crested vest. The rest were OP: OFF POINT.

I took the kit and chose not to slim them in camp because I wasn’t going to get bled dry just to look good, I found a way to look presentable for the Swearing in Ceremony.

The days went by and I applied for OBS. For those who don’t know, OBS is Orientation Broadcasting Service, the coordinators were from an older batch. S/O to Femi, Yetunde, TTuoyo, Ifeanyi and DJ Fingaz! I was advised to join OBS by my brother who was also in OBS and loved it. So I went for the interview and turns out I was good enough, they even made me Head of Editorial, that is the part of OBS that handles announcements and programmes. The engineering side handles Sound and Setup for Programmes. I was happy, not knowing that was the beginning of my problems in camp. 😦

Some fun activities I engaged in include:

Man o War Obstacle Course

Drilling (Marching Drills)

Drama (Qualifiers)

Dance (1st)

Talent hunt (3rd)

Kitchen duty (yeah, it was fun somehow)

OBS duties.

Other activities included:

Football (disqualified 😂)

Table tennis(QF)

Volleyball(1st)

Miss Petite (3rd)

Big, bold and Beautiful (Qualifiers)

SAED presentation ( 1st)

Lions den(3rd)

Debate (Quarter finals)

Cooking competition (2nd)

I engaged in some more than others and some “took my blood. Man O War literally got me slightly injured when I went the second time. (I went twice don’t ask how) I didn’t engage in drills past the first week because it clashed with other things I was doing. Dance I didn’t engage in fully, just some rehearsals. I did engage fully in drama but we didn’t get past the first stage. No regrets though it was fun. Our drama was about a village with Lassa fever and two corp members who came to the village to start a health center and a stubborn dibia (my humble self) who wouldn’t accommodate them. He ended up getting the disease too and was treated..

BUT

  We were robbed of the second round in that play. It’s my blog let me vent. A young nigga like me, I wrote the script, and my lovely friend and someone who I admire from the depths of my heart, Faith, was stage manager and director. S/O to Ekene, Precious, Tobi, Uche, Jennifer, Vicky, , Make-up, Emmanuel, Stage hands, The guards, Extras,David (Director also but he was always busy drumming for dancers) and anyone I forgot.

We were the second platoon to present a play and the drama was spread across three days. We got the loudest applause for our day and even had to do an impromptu closing that we didn’t plan for and the crowd LOVED IT. So how, you ask, did we not qualify. Turns out on the final day another God forsaken platoon , platoon 9, did the same thing but executed it better. When we watched the second round, I wondered how some of the other platoons with a horrible play qualified over us. Some said it was because they forgot us since no one from our day qualified. Uh, Bullshit. Whatever. I still hold a grudge against them. I lost my voice over that play.

Dance group was amazing. They were first position. I’m glad I was able to famz their rehearsals and be on the group chat.

We also won Mr. Macho thanks to Joseph.

For the talent hunt i was reluctant to audition but Faith egged me on and when I did the judges said I gave the best performance of the day.

I perform like Josh Norman, I ain’t normal, nigga

Unfortunately, i couldn’t replicate it in the finals.

  How? Well, we were third in the Talent Hunt, also thanks to Joe and I performed but apparently my mic wasn’t working I was told. Dunno why the judges didn’t stop me and tell me.

We were first in volleyball, that was for babes.

OBS was crazy. It was fun but we didn’t take advantage of our opportunities to be remembered because we were all not serious. I even chased one dead guy from the thing sef. I fell sick from the stress at a point.

We also had a camp carnival and a special night when Small Doctor, KENNYBLAQ, Ruggedman, 9ice and ahost of other scame through.

OOO, Tobi Bakre from Big Brother came and most of the girls lost their shit:

Some girls were like:

  One weirdo in particular did this

HAHA YOU THOUGHT.

The food was… Food. I ate it sometimes but mostly patronized Mami.

All in all it was quite the experience

Tips for prospective corp members

Carry money at least 20k

Make friends but good with everyone

Try to enter your room first when they’re allocating so you can pick a good spot.

Don’t charge you phone at Mami if you can help it. People’s panels got destroyed because so many phone were charging.

Use the laundry if you can’t wash. There’s never really time. Laundry’s cheap.

Balance the days you eat at Mami.

Befriend your platoon inspectors.

Be active in camp, it’s a stepping stone to success.

Over rules

Come a day early or a day late. Not on the main day.

Carry your credentials. All of them. Especially certificate and statement of result and an ID card

Join an SDG group.

Don’t dodge morning parade if you can, Information is  passed and Man O War chants are really fun

Be humble, do not engage soldiers when they order you because they’re just following orders. They will miss you when you are gone.

Take a leadership role in camp at least once. It builds character and patience

Carry a Sweater, preferably white, for Cold days and Shades for Hot days

One fulfilling moment in camp was when I was recognized by the Camp commandant. We had a bad start because he came to chase us from rehearsals when it was coinciding with drill and I threw a fit. He saw it and was pissed and I legit stared him down till my platoon mates pushed my head to look down as a sign of submission. Then I apologized. In the final night of camp I came to drop asun and drinks for my OBS colleagues assigned to the staff party, he called me and reminded me of the altercation and said I changed his mind about me because I was really active for my platoon all over camp and he also saw me Emceeing the Camp Carnival. I was blushing like a fool because he is known to be very difficult. His nickname is delete because he chased a couple corp members from camp, yeah, he de-camped them and so he threatened others with the term. His favourite quote “I will delete you!” .

The man ended up being most popular camp official. See why you should not fuck with anyone, just be a badass and people will love you. This was me

It felt good to be recognized and I learnt that people are always watching and admiring from afar when you do good or bad, you end up building a reputation for something. So don’t look for recognition just enjoy when it comes to you and do good in any endeavor you’re in.

Now to the life lessons I learned

Don’t take yourself too seriously: in camp I fell sick because I was stressed by someof the activities I was involved in. OBS was tasking because of a certain man who keppt threateningly us cause we were pretty lazy tbh and I’m ashamed about that. I took things on my head and rarely asked for help

Ask for help: people around you are ready to do things if you ask nielg. Even as a leader delegate wok and remind them that you trust them and need them. Don’t boss them around. It’s hard to remember in the eat of the moment of.but if you do you’ll make a great leader

Challenge yourself and Do it: if you feel like doing anything, do it. Don’t be shy or scared because fear is an illusion. Even if it is something you have never done, challenge yourself. If you feel nervous tell yourself you’re excited and your body is gearing up to shock the world. It works!

Have a support system: every other day I’d go to Mami with pals and drink and gist. Having a support system to take care of you when you’re stressed and need to vent helps you get over things. I appreciate my friends I made in camp and they’re all headed for greatness.

Be disciplined: I watched my friend Joseph in camp and noticed that the he was highly disciplined. Probably from his man o War days. Admired that. He was also platoon leader ad when he became most outstanding corp member. I was screaming in elation because he desred it.

Celebrate yourself and others: I know I said I had a grudge with the drama thing but really it’s no biggie. Learn to celebrate others victories and also be kind to yourself when. You lose. I learnt that from Faith who I told I’m always hard on myself that it won’t do me any good. I learnt to take it easy and always be kind to myself. So I’m leaving that with y’all!

DANCE: God I danced well in that case. Dancing is a joyous activity. You don’t need to know all the latest steps just have fun at the party. Or even if it’s not a party, play some music and dance. Take someone else along to dance with you, especially if you are the shy type. You’ll be happier for it

Ignore naysayers and Don’t be a naysayer: Ignore people who tell you you can’t do it. In the words of Kanye West. “Any pessimist I don’t talk to them, plus I ain’t have no phone in my apartment. ” Also don’t be a naysayer. Be a cheerleader!

Be grateful: gratitude goes a long way. Be grateful to God, to your neighbour, to the air, and everything around. When you can remember to just say thank you to think air. It sounds like some mystic weird zen shit but it works either way

Everything works out for good: While trying to crate this post I typed on my phone and my laptop but I did not have the full draft on PC, so when I got to work this evening, I did not see the full draft. I tried to connect my phone to the work Wi-Fi and it was misbehaving. I panicked a bit but in the end  I called the neighboring hotel that is under the company and got it reset and voila! Do not sweat the small stuff, the extra time I got helped me refine the post for your reading pleasure and  I got an idea I will share at the bottom of the post!

So, that’s that!

Here are some pictures from camp!

      Sometimes I will do reviews of the songs of the week courtesy Wax Poetic. I will also do movie reviews and opinion polls.

Next week’s topic will be about the candidates running for the office of President. I will do an expose on them. Also, its payday! Yaay, so i will be doing my first giveaway. So check in on my next post next weekend!

If you want me to review your album or track or want me to do something on this blog or a collaboration with you, hit me up here. I won’t review my upcoming project because it’s unethical.

See y’all next week

  Give some love to a stranger today

BYE

CRAB: THE B SIDE First of all: It's interesting, this life we live. Isn't it? Its like a movie and you're the main character and no one gives you a script, but you feel like everyone else is reading from one and you need to improvise lines to deal with them.

[iannoyinglysweetstudent-blog]

maine insurance producer lookup

"maine insurance producer lookup

maine insurance producer lookup

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://salecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

RELATED QUESTIONS: 

Do i have to get my car repaired with the insurance money?

bout a month ago someone backed into my parked car in the parking lot and actually let me know they did it. we exchanged info and i just had a rep. from his insurance come check out my car and give an estimate for repairs and a check with the amount. The damages to bumper are reallly nothing major and its old car, can run just the same as it used to before the damages. do i have to get it fixed or can i jus cash out this check and get a nice chuck of cash?""

How much will cost to remove two wisdom teeth without insurance?

I,m male 21 years old and i'm wishing to remove both bottom wisdom teeth since it cause me feel bubbles on my ears and headaches, i don't know how much will cost me to remove them without insurance, but what is the average price on most states? i live in Oklahoma.""

Does $152 per month for my car insurance sounds right?

Okay, so here's the thing. I'm 18 years old (I know, it greatly affects my age group that I'm in) and my car insurance is $152 a month. But, I'm only on liability? I have to pay over $150 a month just for liability on my car insurance? I live in Wisconsin by the way too. It just all doesn't quite make sense to me..my mom quoted me another price but the other price was pushing $200 a month. I'm just really sickened by all of this. Please let me know what you think! Thanks!""

How much would this cost to insure?

Hi, I'm looking to buy my first car. Two I have my eyes on are an automatic 2002 Chevy Camaro and a manual 2001 Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder. Both cost just over 5k. I'm 17, a male, I have good grades, I don't smoke or do drugs, I'm in honors classes and I've taken drivers ed. Approximately how much would they cost to insure? Please don't say They're too challenging to drive , or They have too much power. I've driven cars with power before (both manual and auto) and I don't find it challenging at all. I have pretty good hand eye coordination. Also, my apologies if this somehow gets asked in the UK answers, I'm asking this fairly late at night.""

What is a good (cheap) insurance in Canada?

I'm a new driver, I would like to have an insurance for myself, in case IF anything happened. What are some companies with good deals? They are mostly expensive, but I have heard there are some cheaper ones available. Thank you for you help!""

Can I receive california unemployment insurance while I am receiving retirement income?

I reeive a relatively small Cal Pers retirement but it is not enough to live on so I continue to work.

Who is responsible for homeowners insurance?

In a rent to own lease agreement for the one-two year lease period who will have the homeowners insurance?the renter or seller?

Question about insurance?

Hi. Why car insurance is cheaper for: policy holder with driving licence held for 1 month and additional driver with provisional licence held for 3 months than: only a policy holder with driving licence held for 1 month ?? could someone explain me why is that ?

What will my insurance be approx?

When I pass my driving test I will be looking to buy either a peugeot 106 or 206 1 litre, i am 17 now but will probably be 18 when I pass, I was just wondering on average how much insurance will be because i couldn't get a quote on confused.com and other websites because i haven't actually got a car yet and it was asking for my registration number. I don't think it matters but I do have a CBT license and I drove and aprilia rs50 manual for about a year so I was wondering if that'll help because I have road experience already. Thanks for your time.""

Insurance after 1st DUI?

I recently received my first and last dui. I currently have USAA and pay about 60 a month for coverage. I am 31 years old and have a clean driving record. I had a tint violation when I moved to another state.There was no accident involved with the dui. Will USAA drop me? I do know I will need SR22 once my work permit gets approved.

""Adding my car to another's car insurance, how does this work?

I want to add my car and me as driver to another's car insurance (who has established rates) how can I do this?

What is the cheapest insurance for a new driver with sports car (97 camero)?

About how much can I expect to pay???

Insurance company GETTING AWAY?

I was reently rear-ended, my vehicle was totaled. My MEDICAL insurance paid for all our medical costs, does that mean that the other drivers car insurance company gets away without paying anything. At the hospital I gave all my medical insurance info, recently I got a letter from the hospital saying that all cost were already paid by my MEDICAL insurance company. Is the other drivers CAR insurance company gonna get away without paying anything? They have accepted FULL fault, since I was rear-ened.""

Ow much does it cost to deliver a baby without health insurance in washington hospital california ??

Ow much does it cost to deliver a baby without health insurance in washington hospital california ??

Where can i get cheap car insurance for 20 year old?

hi, im 20 live in liverpool, just bought a ford fiesta flight 1.3 Y reg (2001) 1299cc were can i get insurance for no more than 3000 any tips on what to do aswell had my licence for 8 months""

How much will car insurance be in NY for a 22 year old male driver?

I have been licensed since I was 18 and have NO accidents or moving violations! How much will insurance be for 2001 Maxima?

Affordable Dental Insurance in NY?

I live in Queens NY and I have no dental insurance. My mother works but she doesn't make a good amount and my father is unemployed. She has medical insurance, Aetna, but it doesn't cover dental and I need to have 1 stupid root canal done and it will cost 2000 w/o insurance. Anybody, I need help. I am also a student in college, so any help, I really need it.""

State farm car insurance people?

I am writing to find out what my options might be-to see if you guys might have some feedback. Long story short-I was in an accident on 6/28, that was my date of loss, submitted the claim then, my car is in the process of being repaired-and it will be ready 7/23 which is ridiculous. Basically my renewal is up on 7/19-however, I wanted to switch to Geico. I have been with State Farm for 12 years and I am amazed at the service-or lack thereof-and their turn around time requirements. They are charging me $668.00 for the same exact coverage as Geico would for six months however, I've added towing/rental reimbursement with Geico and it's only $303/6 months. I have several policies with them, and should be getting a larger discount IMO. I've heard Geico is awesome with claims and have friends that have used them. I am writing to find out if I can switch during a claim process-has anyone else done this? Thanks!""

How much do I have to pay for insurance for a 17 year old and still in HS still in highschool?

and going to drive a dodge neon 2002 and 40k miles, with driver's ed., and a B,C average student and I live in Henderson,Nevada....?""

Does anyone know of any affordable dental insurance? i could apply for online? ?

i have a chipped tooth with no insurance. looking for something affordable that i can make weekly or monthly payments on.

""I had a crash in my driving instructors car, do i have to tell my insurance for my car seeing as this was on h?""

I had a crash in my driving instructors car, do i have to tell my insurance for my car seeing as this was on his policy? thanks""

Car insurance help.first to answer gets best answer.?

I want to get a 2003 Nissan 350z. im worried about insurance cost though. for a 17 year old with no tickets and no wrecks how much do you think car insurance would be? first to answer gets best answer.

Cheapest first car to insure?

Cheapest first car to insure?

How much would my insurance premium rise be? Car accident.?

On the interstate going home from work, it started raining just as I entered, really hard. Then I saw this white car in front of me, who stepped on his brakes, and as soon as I saw that, I stepped on mines. I couldn't swerve to the right where the gravel and grass were cause the white car was already headed that way , since it was raining my brakes didn't help and instead my car slid and his the back left corner of the white cars, and then I hitted a gray car from behind. My car is messed up really bad and cannot be repaired. When I gained enough sense to realized what just happened, there was 5 cars that had stopped, but mines was the only one badly damaged, unrepairable. Nobody was injured, and everyone's car was still drivable. The officer basically said it was my fault, cause I couldn't stop MY car from hitting the other two. Now I have to pay a ticket of $165 and my insurance will be paying for the other car's problems.""

Bike insurance vs car insurance?

im 18 years old currently going after my A2 restricted licence and drivers licence, what i dont get is why a 27 year old 1.6L car will cost me 5,500 a year to insure while a 1.6L cruiser bike will only cost me 512 a year

maine insurance producer lookup

maine insurance producer lookup

Who are Insurance Suppliers?

I'm doing a sort of quick reference website and I'm lost on this topic: Who are considered Insurance Suppliers, apart from the Insurance Companies or Firms themselves..? Would appreciate so much any answers for this :)""

Health Insurance coverage?

My husband's Cobra coverage lapsed. He has been turned down by two insurance companies for health insurance because of low testosterone levels. Any advice on where or how to apply for health insurance? He is self-employed; we live in TX.

Pay Monthly Cars and Car Insurance Package?

Hi does anyone know of any UK Company that offer a new car and car insurance combined into 1 monthly payment? I know of Young Marmalade but I would like to see if there are any other good and cheap companies out there. Thanks

""Does car insurance go down when you move to a different state, if so how do i lower mine? (see details)?""

I used to live in LA and my car insurance was 46.00. Well, I went to progressive and did a quote with my new address which is in TX and my car insurance quote is for 26.00. How do i go about getting these new rates since I no longer live in Louisiana.""

Wtever happened to insurance rates going down when you turn 25.?

My record has 1 ticket in the last 5 years and I'm still taking it in the pooper.

Chevy camaro insurance?

How much is the chevy camaro insurance a month please answer asap it's important bc my daddy said it's time fa me to starting looking at cars so I can hv one my senior year

Do car rental companies ask for proof of insurance?

Here's my circumstances, I'm 22(have credit card in my name) and am going to rent a vehicle. I had insurance for 4-5 years, have never been at an at fault accident and have one speeding ticket, so I'm a pretty good driver, when gas was near $4.00 I traded in my vehicle, and it's fine as I bike everywhere as it's all close to me. I'm having family over for a couple days and need a car though, it's easy to drive around town, I'm almost 100% sure I wont get in a wreck, but I have a feeling the insurance would be more expensive than the rental itself which is ridiculous for someone with a driving record such as mine. Can I say purchase just liability and then sign something that says I'll pay for the rental if I do any damages, what would be the cheapest way to get out of this?""

Will state farm increase my auto insurance if I get a speeding ticket??

I got a speeding ticket going 88 in a 70 in GA. Thats 2 points on my license. I was wondering if a rumor that I heard was true. Some people were telling me that they give you your ...show more

""Does price of car insurance go up, down, stay the same, after getting G licence?""

I'm in Ontario, Canada and am going for my G licence in July (I'm 26, if that makes any difference?). Right now I'm an occasional driver on my parents insurance and plan to stay that way after I get my G. Right now my insurance is 90 per month. I want to save up for enough insurance for 12 months so when I move out it's out of the way for one year. Anyway, does anyone know if the price of insurance goes up, down, or stays the same after getting your full G licence? I kind of want to figure out how much I should save up for the full year by knowing how much it'll be monthly. I plan on going in and talking to them, but I wont be able to for a few days...just curious if anyone can basically give me a heads up. Thanks.""

Advice on cheap car insurance ? UK?

hello i am a 17 year old who is currently learning to drive and hoping to buy a car afterwards, however insurance is very expensive and am seeking advice on how to get cheap car insurance, E.G. what car to buy, where to look etc.""

Car insurance in ontario?

Ok so im about to buy my first used car and i have no idea how getting insurance for your car works. im going to call around to find the best rate but do insurance companies normally make you pay anything up front? i was told that sometimes they make you pay for two months right away. is this true? i have enough for one month of insurance up front but i want to make sure i save enough money to do so if that is usually the case thanks.

Auto insurance wont pay for damages?

I was involved in a bumper to bumper accident(at fault) in a borrowed car(my fathers) here in California. Now i get a call from the insurance that they wont pay for damages to the other vehicle because im not in the policy. Im not excluded from the policy either. My father only has liability insurance. Does the insurance has to pay for damages by law?

How can I get my own insurance?

I'm 17 years old. My dad can't afford insurance because he has 4 kids and they won't give him free insurance. I live in Georgia. I need insurance cause I end up having to pay BY MYSELF like 90$ to go to the doctor. I also don't think it's okay to not have insurance. So what do I do? Where do I do this? Would they allow a 17 year old to get insurance by their self (being a minor)

Is there insurance for Antique Cars?

Hi, I have a 1971 chevrolet camaro. Wanted to ask if there was insurance for antique cars? I know i could just get liability for this car but i was wondering if i could get better coverage for my vehicle? Thanks.""

Car Insurance for 18 year old?

I am looking to buy my Daughter a small car, she is 18, what is the ideal car for me to buy, as insurance is the problem the cheapest we can find is 800 for a KA, valued at 500, thanks""

My insurance say I have to pay for the other parties repair costs and hire costs?

Do I have to pay for their car hire costs? I thought their insurance paid for it as you have that option when purchasing insurance whether you want courtesy car or not?? please help

Which of these cars would be good for a first driver? Which one would have the cheapest insurance?

1. 2005 Ford Five Hundred 2. 2000-2005 Jeep Wrangler 3. 2000-2005 Honda Accord 4. 2007 Dodge Caliber 5. 2004-2006 Mazda 3 6. 2006-2007 Volkswagon Jetta Please Help!!!!

Do Liberals know that Affordable Care Act will in fact make healthcare insurance far less affordable?

On Jan. 30 the IRS released new regulations regarding Obamacare - remember that the IRS is in charge of penalizing you should you fail to purchase the mandated insurance - that included cost estimates for the plans the government will offer. Obamacare Lie #4: Obamacare will cut the cost of a typical family's premium by up to $2,500 a year. http://moneymorning.com/2013/02/08/the-7-biggest-obamacare-lies/""

Price of car insurance?

say im 17 and buying my first car and its a 2003 bmw how much will insurance cost for it per month?

How do i get health insurance...??

I want health insurance ASAP but i dont know who to contact or what would be the best company or plan....can anyone give me some advice???

Why is my car insurance so high?

my car insurance is very high its something like 5000-10,000 and plus its only third party and the car is cheap 500 fiat punto ive checked confused several times still same prices""

Why public opt for health insurance and not public opt for health auto insurance?

Just a random question. Auto insurance is required in most (if not all) states. Health insurance is not yet. They both cost about the same out of pocket. Just curious as to why people who support public option are not also complaining about the cost of mandatory liability.

Can anyone help me regarding a huge fine for driving without insurance.?

Man, Im screwed. A few years ago I let my insurance lapse on my vehichle and didnt hand the license plates in. Failure to do so means an instant 150 dollar fine for the first month and 7$ a day afterwards. Ok, I was being a complete jackass at that time in my life and figured I would deal with it when the time comes. Well, its that time. I finally got my license back and went to buy a cheap used car. The dealer told me he cant get me plates for it cause I have a violation due to a fine for driving uninsured. The fine is off the charts, $4,455.00. Has anyone ever gotten the MVA to reduce this fee or waive it. I havent tried yet. They offer payment plans at 20% down and the rest must be paid within 2 years. I dont want to do anything illegal per say but just wanted to know if anyone has any ideas. I know, im a jackalope for letting this happen. anyone, let me know""

What are the insurance laws for cars in storage in Oregon?

I do not want to drive my car. I will just have it sitting in a garage at a relative's house. I've read from numerous people, that you don't need insurance if the car is ...show more""

""I'm in the middle of getting a motorcycle insurance quote from progressive online, and it's asking for SSN?""

It's asking for my Social Security number to give me a better quote, is this normal? I hate putting my SSN in on websites.""

maine insurance producer lookup

maine insurance producer lookup

I've started a degree course at my local uni. Should I tell my car insurance company?

My policy states that I work part time at a supermarket, which I still do. But I have started a degree course as of yesterday. I'm living at home, so no change of address, and I'm using the car to drive to my lectures. The uni is actually in the same area as where I work. Does my insurance company need to know and am I going to be charged?""

How much is car insurance monthly for a new driver in Indiana about?

thanks :)

How much do you guys think insurance would cost on a 1999 Honda cbr 600 f4 for a 16 year old in ontario?

I know there are many answers but i an general estimate, and what about a hysoung gt250r""

Do i need insurance to clean a church?

do i need insurance to clean a church?

Full coverage insurance ...?

if you have full coverage car insurance does it cover you even if you take a trip that is a 1000 miles are is there a limit on how far you go?

Cheapest insurance for teens in northern ireland??

im trying to get insurance in my own name (policy) but everywhere seems to be way way too expensive! i was hoping for something around 2000 but the cheapest i found is 3400 for a group 4 insurance car!

Cheap insurance for new drivers?

Low premiums, Cheap Car insurance, Savings""

Will the eclipse GSX make my insurance more than the GS?

Ive been trying to to see if the insurance is cheaper on the GS than the GSX because i dont want to get ripped just because it has a turbo. But i also dont want to buy the GS and then have to buy a whole bunch of new stuff just to put a turbo on it.

Question about car insurance?

ok so im wondering if i get a car will worth 5000 will the insurance be the same on all cars worth 5000 like a mustang worth 5 k or a civic worth 5 k is the insurance the same on them?

""Changing insurance companies have active claim with old one, what happens?""

I have a claim with my current insurance company, waiting to get the deductible don't have it handy. But I found I can get a better rate with a different insurance company. What happens if I change companies before I get my car fixed? Does the insurance company still have to pay when I get it fixed since it happened when I was covered by them. Or do they not have to pay it since I'm no longer covered by them?""

What is an average cost of IUI without insurance?

What is an average cost of IUI without insurance and what is the success rate?

Car insurance excess?

Hi All, I'm new to car insurance game :). Could someone please explain the logic behnd the following? As a new driver, i got a couple of quotes around 1.5K but then i look at the excess and it shows 3K!!! What are they trying to do here? Make it impossible for me to make a claim? thank you.""

Any 1 want life insurance or mediclaim?

v r giving best service with lower price...

Which car would be better for insurance costs?

I'm female, 25 years old, and looking to finance my first car. (And if it matters, I'm in Ontario, Canada.) I know I can call and get a quote - but wanted to open it up to the Y!A community first :) Also, I have a clean driving record, my full G license, and I took driver's ed. What are insurance rates like for each of these cars? (And if you have experience, which car would you recommend based on performance, gas, etc?) **All of the cars I'm looking at are either 06, 07, or 08 - Volkswagen Jetta - Ford Focus - Chevy Aveo - Hyundai Accent .... so basically, a smaller car. (I really like the 2007 VW Jetta)""

Insurance? for laptop without getting home insurance?

I'm worried my brother hasn't as of yet insured his expensive laptop. What would work out more economical in the long run please: Content insurance but as a student he keeps moving, so all he wants to insure is his Laptop,mobile and passport both when it's in the house but also when traveling in the UK and abroad? (some policies like Barclays Gadget insurance make it almost impossible to make a claim ie: you can only claim if there's been a forced entry or if the Sim card is still in the phone whilst traveling. Well he lives with 8 other students and the landlord doesn't provide home isnurance in the contract, people are comming in and out of the house any one could take it from his room and the landlord won't allow him to put a lock on the door. If he's traveling abroad he will use a different SIM so... If he buys yearly travel insurance most only cover a single item up to 400, his laptop is an Applemac. Which would cover an expensive item without charging a monthyly fee above 10 per month? Stupid question but is it possible to jsut get content insurance for one room instead of Home insurance? Gadget Insurances seem pretty expensive and a lot of them don't cover the full spectrum of problems, stolen laptop whilst unattended in a hotel, lost, accidental damage even if the item is over a year, Thoughtbubble never even replied to his email enquiry. Bank insurance, they are limited and have similar policies such as above. Natwest have the advantage Gold and home contents insurance but it works out at 12 per month and his iphone won't be covered as phones have to be under 100. I don't have home insurance so he can't use ours. Please what else could he consider and no he's not giving back the gadgets and he is very careful but anything can happen. Would help to get some proper advice as even his bank Halifax didn't cheers""

What is the average cost of motorcycle insurance in ..Oregon?

What is the average cost of motorcycle insurance in Oregon?

Can I qualify for medical insurance now?

I was non insurable as of last year due to pancreas problems. I went in the hospital 2 months ago and it turns out my problems were caused from my gallbladder. Had my gallbladder removed so now is it possible for me to be insured?

Affordable dental insurance in Michigan?

I live in Saginaw Michigan and I am looking for affordable dental insurance. Any good leads?

Taking new car home with no insurance?

So the car is in my Moms name and she has insurance, but she has to drive her car home, meaning I have to drive the other one. I don't have insurance, but we are getting GAP insurance. Is this safe? If I damage the car are we covered?""

Who has the best insurance quotes?

Who has the best insurance quotes?

Can I buy motorcycle insurance for one month and cancel?

I'll be going away for college in a little over a month and I wanted to insure my motorcycle to I can ride it for the remainder of the summer. If I only want insurance for one month, should I just tell them that, or buy coverage with monthly payments and stop paying after the first month? Also, if I just stop paying, will this make it harder to get coverage from them in the future?""

Where can I find health insurance as an 18 year old and I'm peregnant?

I'm an 18 year old, I live in Florida, I have a job as a CNA, I'm pregnant and married. I was woundering where can I go to get affordable health insurance and if it's likely that I'll get coverage. I would also like to know an average of what it would cost.""

""What is the cheapest insurance company for a 17 year old male, fully comp on a 1-1.2L vehicle?""

Looking around for cars and I want to know where is the cheapest, so far it is 3800 cheapest anywhere. If you have insured a car at that age can you let me know what you paid and who with? Tips on getting it lower?""

Which is the best insurance company in Kenya?

Which is the best insurance company in Kenya?

Why is my insurance so cheap?

I am a 19 year old male, and I own a 2011 Nissan Altima SL. I live in Baltimore City (which has the highest rates in the state) and have a speeding ticket and a not at fault accident. I carry 100/300/100 coverage with matching 250 deductibles. I also have vanishing deductible, accident, and minor violation forgiveness. I pay 172.00 per month. I thought I could save a few bucks and switch companies, however, I quoted literally every company available in MD and the lowest I found was 580 a month for the same coverages. Thats a HUGEEE difference! I am starting to wonder if something is wrong with my policy. I have had it about a year with no issues, and my not at fault claim went through smoothly. I am the sole policy holder, and no, my family is not with Nationwide either... What could cause such a difference? Any ideas?""

maine insurance producer lookup

maine insurance producer lookup

Monthly insurance for a Mustang?

I'm a 17 year old male and was wondering what the monthly insurance would be on a mustang? And if you know if a certain years model is the cheapest post that to please?

Do landlords usually have homeowner insurance?

Do landlord usually have homeowner insurance? Also is it true that most homeowner insurance have liability coverage? And if they took out a mortgage does the mortgage company require them to have some kind of homeowner insurance?

Anyone have a cheap insurance for a young driver?

I am 23 and I got my license dec 2013 Clean driving record so far I own a hyundai accent 2005 Anyone has a cheap or affordable insurance and is young too? I am in California. Orange County to be specific.

What is the best cat insurance in the uk?

What is the best cat insurance in the UK I can get for my 12 week old kitten?

Who has the best & affordable dental and medical insurance?

I need a lot of work on my teeth and I will know it will be expensive. I'm trying to find a good and affordable insurance for dental and medical. I would like my copay to be no more than 20% and my deductible to be no more than $3,000 & doctor visits no more than $30. Can anyone help me out? I'm also looking for not only me but my child as well.""

What is the cost of an insurance for a 250 cc scooter? (Louisiana)?

I know that there are many options, but a vague answer is fine. I just want to know if it will be around 100$ or 500$.""

Does anyone know the average insurance quotes for 2007 Nissan Altima in North Carolina?

Does anyone know the average insurance quotes for 2007 Nissan Altima in North Carolina?

What's the best way to insure I get 200 grams of protein per day?

My Dad used to do protein shakes but his doctor told him to get the protein through foods, not the shakes. Now the consultant at my gym says I need 215 grams of protein per day to keep my muscle mass and build further but it's not like I can have a steak at every meal. Any suggestions?""

Will my license hike my parents insurance?

I live in Florida with my parents, and I'm 19. I don't have a permit and want to get my license, but I'm not sure if it'll raise my parents' insurance rates. I won't own a car for at least a month or so, and I probably won't be driving theirs frequently, if at all. Will it affect their Progressive insurance at all? Thanks so much.""

Where can I find the best and affordable health insurance?

employer does not provide health insurance anymore. where can i find the best affordable health insurance that i pay for myself? thanks

How MUCH do you think I'd be paying for car insurance?

I'm an 18 year old female turning 19 on Oct 18th. I'm hoping to buy an 8- cylinder mustang GT ranging from the years 2000-2004, and I have taken driving classes with a high pass rate, I live in northern Virginia. How much do you think my car insurance would end up being? just asking for personal estimates!""

Lapse in coverage on auto insurance?

I let my coverage for my motorcycle lapse for 4 days. I am insured through progressive. How will this effect me?

Best dental insurance to get when needing restorative work?

in all honesty, i have terrible anxiety even when i think about going to the dentist. due to this, i have neglected my teeth and now i'm paying for it. i'm tired of worrying about my smile and just need to know the best insurance to help get me the smile i want.""

How to find cheapest car insurance for young drivers?

How to find cheapest car insurance for young drivers?

Car Insurance for a friend?

I have a friend (single mom of 2) and she needs to get cheap car insurance on her ford explore. She let it lapse for 6 months and now her loan company wants to repo her car, even though she has made every car payment. (she leases her car)...(kinda like rent to own) She got a quote from my agent, but it was going to be way too much for her. I am guessing since she still owes on the car she has to have full coverage. And can only afford less than $100.00 a month on it. She is a renter, she is going to school, and has bad credit. Are there any companies out there that she can get a good deal or at least get coverage for 6 months and re-apply with a better company?? The only one I have found out there was the general.com. And they seem to be ok...but I don't know what other options she has. Thanks for reading this!! 10 points to the best answer!!""

""How much does a car insurance quote cost?If u get one u wont get emails from them,and stuff in the mail,will u""

How much does a car insurance quote cost?If u get one u wont get emails from them,and stuff in the mail,will u""

Which make and model of car/SUV is the cheapest on auto insurance?

I need a new car, but I don't want to pay a lot for auto insurance. Right now I have a Cavalier (hate it, by the way) and because it is a Z24 it raised the insurance premium. I just wondered if there are certain makes of cars that are usually cheaper on auto insurance. Anyone know?""

Which company has the best renters insurance in terms of service and price?

I'm looking for a renters insurance company that is not expensive and has knowledgeable and cordial employees. Is not eager to deny claims and has an extensive policy. If you found one that covers breakage of your belongings due to accident or use by you, let me know. I'm not so sure if those types of policies exist.""

I need help finding affordable health insurance for my family?

My husband has a job currently that offers health insurance for us, BCBS of NC great insurance but his job doesn't pay enough for us to survive now that we have a new baby. He is switching to a driving job that pays a little more so we can survive and pay some more bills, so we have decided to try to buy our own health insurance with this new job. Things are very tight with money with me being a stay at home mom to a new baby boy and a toddler so I need very affordable health insurance for my husband and myself. My kids are covered by medicaid so I do not need to buy it for them. I do not qualify for medicaid so I have to buy insurance for myself and my husband. Any suggestions of where to look? Any help would be greatly appreciated.""

""I have been married for nearly 20 years in california, but my husband and I were separated after only one year?""

What laws are there for spousal support in a legal separation and what medical benefits am I entitled to, he says we need to stay married because he is a teacher and I will not qualify for health benefits if we file a legal separation or divorce. I know he gets the head of household tax break, but isn't there a bigger break on spousal support. As I said he is a teacher and I am permanently disabled. We live in the state of California. Thanks for any suggestions on this matter. Right now i have a PPO insurance with good benefits. It is the support that is lacking, And no I am not even looking for my fair share I just want a little closer to fair on support. I live way below the poverty level.""

Do you pay for motorcycle insurance all year round?

I have my M1 and am taking the m2 course in may but I will not be riding by myself until June. The insurance companies want 4600$ a year (18 male,Ontario). Do I still pay 4600$ for the remaining few months I can ride or does that cover me until June o next year? Someone please explain. Thanks""

Car insurance question?

I recently passed my test, and was looking at car insurance quotes and they're all pretty expensive. I was wondering if I were to just wait until I'm about 23 or 24 before I purchase a car, would the insurance be cheaper, even if I didn't have any driving experience? Thanks in advance.""

How much would car insurance be for a new driver and a crappy car?

I got my liscense 2 months ago and have been saving for a cheap car on Craigslist; around $1500. I need to know how much I would have to pay annually for car insurance for like a mid-90's, 150K miles Nissan/Volvo.""

Pickup Truck insurance at age 18?

I am 18 and I want to get a Nissan Navara. I have got a quote for the non-commercial versions eg le, se and xe for 1990 which is fine, but I cant get an online quote for the D22 version. Its a 2005 D22 Navara di. It says I have to ring them as they cant give me an online quote. Does anyone know if this model can be insured on normal car insurance as I am under 21 and it will be very difficult and expensive to get commercial or van insurance.""

What would health care cost if NOBODY had insurance?

I was reading about how doctors are now rating insurance companies, and one figure that stuck in my head was $210 BILLION wasted anually on excessive administrative costs. Not administration, UNNECESSARY administration. They want to cut out red tape, well, why not cut out insurance altogether? What would health care cost if NOBODY had insurance, and had to pay for everything out of pocket? I suspect that patients would start paying a lot more attention to their bills, doctors would have to start competing, and costs would plummet. Shoot, there'd be at least $210 billion a year more available! There's mention of one doctor who accepts a flat yearly rate, and doesn't accept insurance. Would this really be such a terrible way to do things? Letting doctors and patients decide what's fair, instead of insurance companies and the government? We could let people buy catastrophic insurance, but not general health funds like we have now. Could it work?""

maine insurance producer lookup

maine insurance producer lookup

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/beat-my-insurance-quote-freda-conrad/"