#The Non-binary representation really struck a chord with

[pitch-locke]

There's something so visceral about The Blue Eyed Samurai that really resonated with my identity as someone non-binary, aromantic and asexual.

It feels very genuine in its expression of the experience of a purpose outside romance and love, despite how much everyone insists those are the only options.

Allowing their assigned gender to dictate their life experience is just not an option.

A moment, brief and bitter, where Mizu forces themself to play the role they was born into and trying to find their peace in it, even succeeding in those momentary joys.

But as always, those moments are tainted by dissatisfaction, knowing that that life, that future was not made for them. Or rather they were not made for it.

No room for love or romance, no craving for power or money.

In the moments where carnal instincts could take precedence they will turn their head away as many times as it takes.

They will find their peace in nature, in the sound of crashing waves and soft breezes, make physical contact only when it truly matters. Mizu will never waver. They will never look back.

My body will not dictate the life I choose to lead. It will not sway me from my purpose. I see myself in that.

[neverchecking]

Okay, this is on the subject of the anon(s?) talking about the problematic use of the term "genderbent", which i'm admittedly confused about

(i wanna preface this by saying i'm not trying to come off as rude or accusatory at all, i'm just trying to have a discussion because i'm not completely understanding their point of view here!)

I did some research trying to find what specifically was transphobic about the term, (so that could be cut out, bc it's hard to come up with a replacement term without knowing what was inherently wrong with the first one) and i didn't find a whole lot, but i did find a post which went pretty in depth on why genderbending is problematic

basically they talked about how the term is transphobic because it implies that that gender and sex are the same thing, and also that there are really only two. which is a completely valid point, i can understand that, but why would "body swap" or "sex swap" then not be okay to use?

They also talked about it being erasure of queer representation to assume a character is or was cis in the first place, which again i can understand but unless the character is canonically queer or queer coded then, i don't really get it

like no one is taking your headcanons away from you or trying to erase queer representation, people's headcanons will always conflict with others, it's just unavoidable. i don't think someone having a different character hc than you (as long as it's not them actively ignoring a canonically queer character's orientation) is inherently transphobic.

something they brought up that kind of struck a chord with me is when they invalidated the "excuse of using it for character exploration" and said "Why do you need a character to be cis for you to find their personality and life interesting to explore?" which is just the strawman fallacy. the same thing can be said that "Why do you need a character to be queer for you to find their personality and life interesting to explore?" members of the lgbt community of all people should know that someone's sex/gender/orientation does not define a person. there's so much more to a human than their orientation

but again, most of this is on the subject of why genderbending itself is bad, and not the term alone, so if you're not using it in a transphobic manner i don't see the issue with it?

Again i'm not trying to start a fight or come off as queerphobic, because i'm absolutely not! this just seems like a hasty generalization to me

Super off topic, but I find it so funny how half my blog rn is 'mmm Mystic milk mommy reader' and the other half is having this super serious conversations and discussion. This is what we call duality 😌

Anyway, back to the serious stuff. I was gonna answer this earlier but for some reason the words weren't, like, sinking in? Like I read them, and understood them, but I just couldn't piece them together? If it makes sense.

As long as we're all respectful, I see no reason why we can't have a discussion.

If you don't mind, can you tag me/send me a link to that post?

I think the problem with using body/sex swap is still implying that there are only two sexes/genders, because it excludes those that are genderfluid/ non-binary/ etc.. It's kind of like implying that gender is coin, in a way? You can only be one or another, despite it being a wide spectrum.

I ran into a similar issue to the one you bring up when I was deep in the ROTTMNT fandom. If you know, there is a heavy portion of the fandom that que that Leonardo as a MLM/Gay presenting individual, and when faced with any other headcanon, they got quite...mean, I suppose is the best word for it. I was called a plethora of names when I didn't blatantly spell out my own headcanon for him and was told I was erasing Queer representation. So I think that's where some of the problems arise, is with the erasure to start with.

Of course a character doesn't need to be Cis, or Trans, or even really human for them have a personality that people connect with. but people can find comfort in having that ability to relate with another being sharing their issues. They can find solace in knowing that what their feeling doesn't pertain to them alone and that they aren't weird, or broken, or mistaken. Not that any of you are, but I know our minds can be cruel things to us.

I think the problem with it is that, again with the coin, I'm going from one gender to the other without leaving room for any in between. Like, when answering asks, I, even unintentionally, automatically went with a Fem! Presenting AFAB to a Masc! Presenting AMAB with the ordeal when there are several identifications in between.

I'm still trying to figure it all for myself, so I apologize if anything I said was wrong!

[ober-affen-geil]

Gather 'round kids, it's personal sharing time.

Asexual Awareness Week is winding down and I've low key been struggling with what to post about since Monday. I still haven't really come up with anything but I saw a post that struck an unexpected chord with me and I was inspired to riff, so this will probably ramble. Bear with me.

This may be a widespread experience within the community or it may not, I can't speak universally, but I don't...know how to be ace. I know how to be myself and I know that I am (aro)ace so in that sense I do but...I don't know how to be Ace.

I don't know how to act in a way that makes it clear to people that I am asexual. And I want to. I know I act and dress and speak in a way that most people are not surprised when I tell them I'm queer, but I am so sick and tired of having to explain myself every. single. time. Because I don't know how to be openly ace without talking about it all the time, and I don't know how to talk about it all the time without being really fucking annoying. To everyone including myself.

Because I shouldn't have to. Allo people don't discuss their sexuality all the time, why would I. That's weird. And as I said, really fucking annoying. And having to give a goddamn 15 minute PowerPoint presentation every time I come out to a new person is exhausting, and frankly leaves me with a very high chance of alienating the person I was talking to. Which is why I often just leave it at "queer".

Please don't get me wrong, I love talking about sexuality. All of it, but asexuality in particular. Because it's me! It's mine, it's my box, and I Iove to sit in it and invite others to play. If you ever want to chat about it, hit me up. Seriously.

But the inescapable fact that the best I can do right now with simple presentation is "Big Queer Energy" makes me so tangled up inside that sometimes I just want to collapse into a sobbing heap on the floor.

Because that's not me. I'm Ace goddammit, not queer. Queer is an umbrella term and I'm thankful for it and I use it happily, but it's not me. I don't need an umbrella term, I have a word that fits. It's asexual. (And aromantic and probably agender, jury is still filing back in on that one.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is, that's why this week is so important. Asexual Awareness Week is designed to raise awareness. To some extent, it's to help people find the community and that's wonderful. If this week can make someone feel less lonely, less broken, or even just pull at something internally that they hadn't ever paid attention to before, great. Amazing, congratulations, and welcome. We have cake.

But on a larger scale, it's simply to inform allos of our existence. We don't have mainstream representation. I can arguably name 5 off the top of my head, but we're not really there. It's talked around, it's a joke, it's misrepresented, and it's frequently suddenly switched on a dime. (I'd like to take this moment to offer a solemn fist bump of solidarity to the bi, pan, polyam, non-binary, intersex, and other communities who suffer the same crap right now.)

But this week is for us. For the aces, the aros, the demis, and the grays. This week is ours. Because while I am queer and proud, I'm also ace and proud. This is your reminder that there's a difference. Happy Asexual Awareness Week.

[cuddleslutloki]

SO! i have been asked to give advice a couple times by a couple different writers in fandom who are cis and want to know how to/if it’s okay to write trans characters, so here’s my take and a few pieces of advice. it’s gonna be a little long lol

to answer the question “can cis writers write trans characters?”

Y E S 

i would personally love it, and i know other trans people who would also love it, if more cis writers wrote trans characters. the only limitation that i’d ever put on this is to say that i wouldn’t want to see a cis writer writing about trans self-discovery or a Trans Journey bc... i mean... those are our stories to tell, y’know?

generally most of the trans people i know feel the same way. we want to see ourselves in stories, even if we’re not the main characters. we want to know that you see us and think us worth writing about. representation matters. 

but if you’re writing a story about female friendship and you wanna make one of those women trans? please do bc we need more normalized representation. seeing these really intense Trans Journey stories is great, it is, but it feels one-note when it’s like.... practically the only thing we ever see.

wanna write a story about brotherhood and the bonds of found family and male friendship? make a dude trans! he’s a dude! who’s trans! 

quick advice for writing trans men:

not all trans men bind. i don’t. i have a triple D chest, so yeah it’s kind of obvious that i have tits. with the full beard it can be a confusing look lmao. your trans male character doesn’t have to bind, and it doesn’t have to be bc he’s had top surgery, or because he’s flat chested. some of us just don’t want to have the damage done to our bodies that binding can and will do if done consistently enough for long enough.

not all trans men use packers, which are prosthetics made to give a bulge where trans guys don’t have one. 

trans men can top lol. it isn’t just skinny cis women using strap-ons, and a guy can cum using a harness bc of where it sits. also, emotionally, that shit is fantastic (speaking from personal experience). 

if you’re writing erotica, then be aware that some trans guys are okay with the word clit, some aren’t. this is more of a stylistic choice on the part of the writer, but if you’re using AFAB language for trans male genitals then make a note bc for some men that’s legitimately triggering. personally, i’m fine w/ my vagina, he’s a chill dude.

testosterone doesn’t make you taller, and it won’t make your character taller either lol. physical changes from T are increased muscle mass, changes in fat distribution on the body, voice drop, hairline receding around the temples, facial and body hair growth for some (takes 6+ months usually), clitoral growth, some men experience vaginal dryness some don’t, in the beginning there’s an increased sex drive which tends to even out once T levels are stable, since it’s basically a second puberty a lot of trans guys do get acne, hair can become coarser over time texture wise, and tends to thin

testosterone is administered via injection or with androgel which is topical, generally. if you want to write about a guy giving himself his T, then he’s probably on a weekly or bi-weekly injection schedule at home, or he’s using androgel which is daily and gets rubbed into the skin and has to dry fully. there’s no option right now to take testosterone orally that i know of. there’s also the option for a 3-month dose of testosterone to be given via injection, but it’s always done by a nurse and every trans guy i’ve talked to who’s had it has said they can’t even sit down for an hour afterward bc it’s injected into the ass and it hurts like a motherfucker. however it’s also only once every 3 months. personally i don’t mind my wee thigh shot lol. 

if anyone has more specific questions for writing trans male characters send me an ask and i’ll be glad to help

full disclaimer that i’m not a trans woman, but here’s some advice for writing trans women based on what i’ve heard from them:

unlike with T, where trans men can basically just start T and begin the process of a testosterone-based puberty, trans women first have to go on T blockers so that their T levels drop to where they should be for a woman, then they go on estrogen, which is usually??? a pill (not dissimilar to birth control)

when trans women have been on estrogen for long enough they can have multiple orgasms like any other woman, which is a pretty nifty perk

loss of muscle mass is common

breast growth happens differently for everyone, but breasts become more sensitive and as they grow a lot of women can experience some tenderness, and if the chest is struck/prodded that tenderness can be painful. (as someone who naturally developed breasts as a teen, i remember fucking crying when someone hit me in chest once bc everything was so sensitive)

trans women have natural hormone cycles and can experience period-like symptoms! so yeah! a trans woman can wake up and be >:( and have mood swings!

the penis and balls will shrink over time on estrogen, some trans women stop getting hard, some don’t

some trans women tuck their penises, some don’t

trans women have to make the choice to raise their voices, as most of the effects of testosterone-based puberty cannot be reversed. T thickens the vocal chords, which is what makes a trans guy’s voice drop, but if a trans woman is transitioning after she’s experienced a full T-based puberty, her voice isn’t going to raise. a lot of trans women do vocal training to get used to talking in their head voice versus their chest voice. some even pick out like a celebrity or a character to emulate bc it’s a lot easier when you’ve got a goal to aim for.

facial hair generally doesn’t stop growing. the follicles being active doesn’t change when testosterone levels drop. hair growth can slow, but it’s probably not going to stop entirely without laser hair removal or electrolysis. same with body hair. 

hair texture can change, though, and become softer over time

if any trans women followers want to add to this feel free :D

your character might not have IDs that match up w/ their identity. having your government docs changed can be a pain in the ass depending on where you live, and a lot of places require some kind of surgery as “proof” which is bullshit but... y’know, it happens. 

big thing to remember: not all trans people want surgery. not all trans people fall into the gender binary. the way i define being trans is that your gender doesn’t match what you were assigned at birth. that’s it. i consider non-binary people transgender bc. y’know. they fucking are. not all of them want to ID that way or feel like they can, but if they do then i fully welcome them bc they’re my people. 

i think cis writers can feel like it’s a taboo or a no-go to write trans characters bc “well what if i do it wrong” and i think it comes down to being really caught up in the fact that the character is trans, rather than them just being a trans character. like. here’s my day as an out, transitioning trans man:

i wake up between 6am and 7am, i dick around on my phone, i let my dogs out, feed them, have breakfast, go to work, eat lunch, work more, come home, eat dinner, dick around on my phone more, go to bed. repeat. my weekends consist of writing, primarily, and watching stuff on netflix. and every other sunday i give myself an injection of testosterone into my thigh. every couple months i see my endocrinologist and maybe have a blood test.

diabetics have a more rigorous schedule than i do, health-wise. 

me being trans is part of who i am, a defining part even, but it’s not all i am. if someone were to write a story about my life and make it all about me being trans, they’d first be ignoring like... the first 25 years of my life, but also everything that happens to me in between these big transition milestones. 

not everything with trans people is about being trans. sometimes it’s about being bored. or wanting to play video games.

on another personal note, some of the signs that i was trans weren’t very obvious. they make a lot of sense in hind sight (like when i was 4 and told my mom i was going to wear a suit to prom, or when i was 5 and told my dad that my husband was taking my last name bc that just seemed how shit should work to me) but at the time they were just these small, weird little quirks that no one saw as anything more.

in fandom a lot of our stories tend to veer toward the romantic or erotic, so let me just say that you don’t need to write about dysphoria or remark on the topic within the story. i know this is a sticking point for a lot of cis writers bc most of them haven’t experienced dysphoria so they don’t know how to write it. good news is you don’t have to, a trans person can be happy with their body, especially if they’re far enough along in their transition, and it can just be a smutty, smutty story about people fucking lol.

this is a really loose guide w/ very loose bits of advice and seriously if anyone ever wants to ask more specific questions or my opinion you can DM me or send an ask on or off anon and i’ll be glad to offer any help i can

[the-fashiongeek-blog1]

TOP FIVE MOMENTS OF SS/19

    After a brief interlude, your resident nerdy fashion blogger is back! So, uh, how about that fashion season?

    As much as it hurts me, an obnoxious Manhattanite, to admit…NYFW wasn’t looking so hot this season. In fact, it’s been on a bit of a downward slide for a while now. Even the returns of Provenza Schouler and Rodarte couldn’t quite save it from dragging on and nearly making me lose hope for SS19 as a whole. But the second LFW began, my hope was restored. And it only got better from there.      Which shows did I like? The quick answer is a lot. The longer answer is something I hope to turn into an ongoing segment on the blog! During the season, I kept a list of all the collections I liked. Now that the season’s over, there are more than sixty items on that list. Starting this Sunday, I’ll be posting reviews of all my favorite collections of the season, three to five at a time. And that’s going to be every Sunday and Wednesday. Hope you’re ready for more excited rambling than ever!     Were there shows I disliked? Of course! No season would be complete without collections that make me miss the days of tutus over bellbottom jeans. (coughcalvinkleincough), but we don’t dwell on the negative over at The Fashion Geek. And before I get to the shows themselves, I’d like to get to the season proper. There are enough exciting things that happened behind the scenes to merit there own post. I hesitate to collectively call them “moments”, as some items on this list encompassed the season as a whole. Regardless, here are my top five moments of SS19 in no particular order;

1. AMAZING COLLECTIONS

    Okay, this one was probably a gimme. Is it really possible to go an entire season without liking a single collection? A single piece? All of my favorite designers really impressed me this season, but that’s to be expected. What really surprised me was the fact that I actually enjoyed quite a few collections from designers I’m not usually big fans of. But that’s something we’ll get into in the following weeks.     Instead, I’d like to use this space to mention the killer runway sets this season. Balenciaga’s immersive installation was genius and complemented the collection perfectly. (Blue Screen of Death and all.) The dance-inspired Dior show also struck a heavy emotional chord with the former ballet-hopeful in me. Models walking on water under the Eiffel Tower at Saint Laurent? There are no words other than stunning. The pyre, as well as the torch-wielding models, at Rick Owens worked as a powerful, timely statement. And, of course, no list of incredible runway sets would be complete without mentioning the latest Chanel outing. In the past, Karl Lagerfeld has taken us to a shuttle launch, mystical gardens, and an entire Chanel casino. This year’s beach set was particularly ingenious. Models carrying their shoes across the sandy scene as actual waves lapped at their feet. It was, in a word, magical.

2. DESIGNER CHANGE-UPS

    This one is always a mixed bag. A designer leaving a brand you liked means potentially not seeing their designs for several seasons. Sometimes a designer you don’t like gets installed in a brand you used to be a fan of and you fear for future collections. But sometimes a designer you like, who’s been quiet for a while, comes back to helm a new brand. Sometimes the new combination of brand and designer is so bizarre you just can’t wait to see what comes next. This season, I think I checked off every single box. While Tisci’s Burberry and Slimane’s “Celine” certainly got the most buzz, I’d like to briefly highlight a departure that I’ve been mourning for the last couple weeks; this season was Josep Font’s last at Delpozo. As excited as I am to see who will take over, and what Font will do next, it’s sad to see the end of an era at one of my favorite brands.

3. RUNWAY INCLUSIVITY CONTINUES TO RISE

    A while back, I was looking through collections from a couple seasons back. The lack of diversity on the runway wasn’t just shockingly apparent, it was shocking. It’s unimaginable to think that this was less than a decade ago. However, this season saw a noticeable increase in diversity in race, age, size, and gender representation. NYFW in particular saw a significant increase in percentage of models of color cast, as reported by TheFashionSpot. Plus-size, transgender, and non-binary models have also been cast more frequently than in past seasons. Whereas smaller brands were typically the only ones to show inclusive casts, seeing greater diversity on more “mainstream” brands makes me cautiously optimistic. The fashion industry has a long way to go before it can be considered truly inclusive, but it’s been taking relatively steady steps in the right direction for several years now. We can only hope progress continues to be made.

4. MODEL COMEBACKS

    Speaking of models, runway season is always a good time to stage a comeback. Who else remembers Gemma Ward opening Prada SS15? Ward had several impressive turns during this season as well, but she’s been back in the business for a while now. There were several more surprising runway turns this season. Debra Shaw rocked a pantsuit on the Mugler runway. Shalom Harlow closed Versace after a six-year runway hiatus. Yasmin Le Bon made a rare appearance at Calvin Klein. Iekeliene Stange nabbed a Marni exclusive and later went on to walk Courrèges. And one of my favorite models, Lindsey Wixson, came out of retirement to walk for Miu Miu. Word’s still out on whether this is a permanent comeback or a one-time thing, but fingers crossed! It would be wonderful to see new work from all of the above mentioned women.

5. INCREASING EFFORTS TOWARDS SUSTAINABILITY

    Some brands have been moving towards more sustainable practices for years - from Stella McCartney to H&M Conscious. This year saw something of a sea change within the fashion industry. It began in the fall of last year when Gucci joined the Fur-Free Alliance. While other brands, such as Ralph Lauren and Armani, had already pledged to stop using fur products, Gucci’s announcement sparked a whole tide of designers moving to more ethical and sustainable practices. There are now nearly a dozen luxury brands that have made similar pledges. Most recent of the bunch was Burberry, and the brand has also decided to stop burning unsold products, vastly decreasing their environmental impact. Most of these brands will continue to use leather products, and their are some staunch holdouts in the use of fur (hello, Fendi), but these are massive steps in the right direction for the environment. (Now if only we could convince brands stop animal testing for their makeup lines as well.) In the wake of the recent IPCC report, sustainability is more pressing than ever. We can only hope more brands follow suit.

Well, I think that’s all for now. What were your favorite things to come out of this most recent season? I’d love to hear your thoughts!