#The cons of living in a small queer community

[whoatemyshoe]

Skipping an important party bc someone who emotionally abused me, another who emotionally manipulated me, and another who cheated on me, are attending too. I want to scream

[carryonthroughtheages]

Hello friends and history lovers!

Another year of Carry On Through The Ages is over and done! I am so happy with success this year has had. Every year, I am blown away by how amazing this little community is. We are a small event, but we are so supportive and loving of each other.

It has been an absolute joy to watch the Discord server so active every single day, with people talking about their research and their projects. Watching as they gained support and encouragement from other history nerds. It was everything I could have hoped for when I first started this fest four years ago. So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, everyone who participated, whether it was as a creator, or support, or researcher. You all helped to make COTTA 2023 a continued success.

Under the page break, you will find individual links to the fics and art that were created this year for COTTA. They are INCREDIBLE, and I highly encourage you all to read them.

Here is the link to the AO3 Collection: Carry On Through The Ages 2023!

Until next year, love you all!

BazzyBelle 🧡

Monday

Blood, Salt & Hummingbirds (T) - @hushed-chorus : AO3 // tumblr

Simon is lucky to survive when his ship is wrecked, even if it left him stranded on a desert island. But he's not the only one who escaped. The ship's mysterious cargo, the creature in the box, also made it to shore. What hope does Simon have when a vampire is lurking in the island's wooded interior? But the monster is not what it seems, and if they are to survive, they need to work together. And maybe they can do more than survive. Maybe they can thrive.

Fifty Names For A Cat (T) - @hushed-chorus : AO3 // tumblr

Simon and Baz are settling into their new life, getting Pitch Manor in working order and preparing to move to their cottage on the moor. Meanwhile, a certain cat is adjusting to his new life.

Tuesday

The Trails We Blaze (M) - @j-nipper-95 : AO3 // tumblr

Simon and Baz have been through a lot together. Growing up as criminals on London's streets; surviving the Great War; dealing with a lot of repressed feelings. But after their latest con goes wrong, they're left with nothing but an ancient map, a signet ring of unknown provenance or value, and promises of a city that doesn't even exist. Thrust into a world of adventure with danger at every turn, they're forced to decide how far they're willing to go for a myth, a fortune, and a chance at love.

The Snow Fox (E) - @aristocratic-otter : AO3 // tumblr

Simon "Snow" Salisbury is the most wanted patriot in the American Revolution. Wanted by the British army, who want to see him hanged. Wanted by the Tories, who'd shoot him on sight, given the chance. And wanted by Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch.

Wednesday

Lavender Hearts (M) - @aroace-genderfluid-sheep : AO3 // tumblr

America, 1950s. Queer people are fired left and right, friends lose their jobs daily--and sometimes, their lives. Simon and Baz are caught in the middle of it all with a homophobic father and an unconventional (in more than one way) relationship, terrified out of their minds but unwilling to give up the fight. They'll fight for years if they have to. They'll fight for decades. But even the strongest wills can be broken with the hardest of blows.

An 1800s daguerreotype photograph art piece created by the amazing @samalander01 : tumblr

Thursday

Shoulder To Shoulder, Hand To Hand (M) - @wellbelesbian : AO3 // tumblr

Britain, 1984. Across the country, miners go on strike against pit closures. With the government, police and media set against them and no end in sight, they and their families begin to feel the strain. In London, Simon Snow recognises a familiar struggle, and decides to do something, while closeted Baz Pitch just wants to get out of the house and be among his community for a day. What starts as a few collection buckets at a pride march soon becomes an organisation, and a bond is forged between the lesbians and gay men of London and a village of miners and their families in South Wales. But Simon has a past he's trying to outrun, and Baz is trying to live a double life. Both boys have secrets and shame, but if they want to make it through together, they'll have to find their pride.

A beautiful Galatea/Pygmalion-inspired water colour piece by the wonderful @ic3-que3n : tumblr

Friday

Safe Harbour (M) - @snowbaz-parentis : AO3 // tumblr

It all started on an island... It's 1956, and Baz Pitch is existentially lost in New York City. After graduating from Columbia, he's working for a wedding photographer with no taste as he avoids his inevitable fall attendance at Yale Law School, his father's alma mater. All Baz wants to do is be a fashion photographer, and when an opportunity to assist a famous photographer out on Fire Island falls in his lap, it just may be the key to helping unlock him from the closet of his family's expectations. It's 1956, and Simon Snow is wondering if there's more to life than this or if this is as good as it gets. He's been working in construction with his foster father, David Cadwallader, practically ever since he was taken in at age 13, but there's something beyond the water that's calling for him. When Davy offers Simon a chance to manage his family's rental properties for the summer in Cherry Grove on Fire Island, Simon jumps at the chance to finally take charge of something. What Baz and Simon didn't expect: the sense of freedom that comes from being able to absolutely surrender to the truest version of yourself, and the choices you have to make when it happens.

Costly Colours - A Precious Bane AU (M) - twigs_in_my_hair : AO3

In the aftermath of the Napoleonic wars Baz is being groomed by his aunt to be a physician. Tired of the farming life, Fiona would like to set up shop in town with her sister’s herbal remedies and her nephew settled down with his mentor’s lovely daughter and a fine degree hung on the wall. But first the family must toil and scrimp and save to raise the funds. And what if this is not the future Baz longs for? And what if the townsfolk won’t let go of their superstitions and petty grudges towards this family marked by tragedy? Does the handsome young weaver have all the answers?

[glauconaryue]

I have been on this hellsite for years and only now do I learn that writeblr introductions are, apparently, a thing. So here goes my

Writeblr Introduction

Glauconar Yue (they/them, xe/xir)

Nonbinary trans femme lesbian

I write horror, weird fantasy and poetry.

I also do drag and theatre sometimes.

I grew up with Spanish and German, I write in both and also in English or mixing it all up.

I love to meet people on tumblr dot com so please send asks and dms if you see common interests.

My novels

El Empalador (Spanish)

Gothic horror, historical fantasy

A retelling of the life of Vlad Tepes Dracula, blending myth and history through the paranoia of a doomed antihero.

Las crónicas del templo negro (Spanish)

High fantasy, metafiction

Immortals form a community to share their knowledge, but their individual personalities and strange abilities make coexistence no easy task. The book includes many notes on alternative translations of the cryptic source texts.

Das Herz des Zahnradmädchens (German)

Steampunk, romance

An inventor finds a mysterious female automaton whose body contains mechanical and magical secrets. To confront industrial and supernatural threats, they must first figure out their own feelings.

Many shorter texts have been published in magazines and collections, see a longer list here.

My WIPs

Graustadt: Kopfgeldjäger und Mythen

Urban fantasy, crime thriller

A couple of bounty hunters trying to make a living in a run down city. They hunt for magical artefacts and literally for the heads of luckless outlaws, while trying to not get caught up in the rising gang wars.

Status: Volume 1/3 completed, figuring out how to best publish it.

Princess on the Run

Quest fantasy, queer fairy tale, road story

After her castle is burned down, a princess roams across the land, stealing cars, fighting ghosts and con-men, questioning both her gender and nobility.

Status: Scattered fragments in various languages.

Discurso de Transmutación Alquímica

Queer poetry, witchcraft

A queer reading of alchemical mysticism, celebrating gender transition as a spiritual process. The poetical essay with embedded sonnets mixes Spanish and English, historical language and neopronouns.

Status: Revising and expanding on it.

Voyage of the Lieutenant Nun: Transition of Public Spaces

Experimental theatre

My second take on the historical queer figure of an infamous swashbuckler and sinner nun that terrorized South America in the 17th Century. Likely to contain Catholic drag and mixed language gibberish.

Status: Funding approved, probably showing in Cologne this summer. Writing in process, dates tba.

These are the book-sized ones, many small texts are constantly in the works or just happening.

Thanks for reading, I'd be happy to hear from you!

[eddiemunsonstrojans]

*cracks knuckles* okay, let's talk...

Period Accurate Smut (and Kink) - The 1980s in Hawkins

(since you degenerates won't tag your modern au.)

Note: I grew up in the 90s and 00s. A lot of this I learned from research. This includes: 60s-80s kink community documents, vintage porn, films about sex - including fiction and documentaries, books on sex and relationships written pre-86, literally any documentation I could find online anywhere. I know not every fic writer is going to go out of their way to do this much for a few blurbs. I enjoy it though, so I have.

What's Vanilla vs. What's Kinky?

The concept of what's vanilla vs. kinky will vary from person to person, but is largely informed by the time period and communities that people exist in. In a conservative Christian small town like Hawkins, Indiana, in 1986, chances are almost everything is kinky. Kink wouldn't just include what we see as kinky on the internet in 2022. Some things we view as vanilla now but might have been viewed as kinky in 1986 might include:

Oral sex (especially vulva receiving)

Any kind of anal play

The use of sex toys

Sex in concealed public spaces (like one's car)

That's not to say they didn't happen often, just that they weren't treated as vanilla. A character who is shy, innocent, or conservative might be especially opposed to all this.

Kink and Queerness in the 1980s

Kink has historically been a part of queer communities. I won't get into the hanky discussion here (the short of it is Eddie's handkerchief is a metal thing), but the point is that if you write Eddie or anyone else as kinky, they're also de facto queer. Queer communities historically included LBTQIA, kinky, and polyamorous individuals. The extent to which a community exists in Hawkins is up to you, but you might want to look into 1980s Indianapolis communities if they go to "the city".

BDSM in the 1980s

BSDM has existed for hundreds of years, but it wasn't always known as such. It wasn't really known by this acronym until the 1960s, and only really within communities. People who were less exposed would probably know about S&M (because of hardcore porn), but it wasn't anywhere near as normalized as it is now.

I can't stress this enough. This can take me out of a supposedly period accurate fic so quickly. If you found another kinky person in your small town community, it was a big deal. Finding another gay person in a place that was relatively progressive could be a struggle. Living in a small town, you might never, even if they were around. The same applied to kink. Even moreso at times. People didn't talk about it.

You want to choke someone and take them rough from behind? Just do it. Don't even think about it. The culture around sex was a world away from what it is now. BDSM communities were big on consent and communication, but they didn't really exist in small towns.

You don't want to write dub or non-con? Throw in a sentence about Eddie communicating with his partner in advance. You want the Dom/sub dynamic to be established? Maybe explain briefly how they know about it, and how they label it. (If they mostly know about S&M, they'd be more likely to call it a Master-slave or Sadomasochistic relationship.)

There was a lot more shame attached to kink, especially BDSM/S&M in the '80s, especially if you were a guy on the receiving end.

Sex Toys and Gear

Probably the most common form smut innacuracy takes under the Eddie Munson tag. A lot of sex toys, gear and even condoms just did not exist in March of 1986. I cannot begin to list everything, so I'm going to provide the ones I see often. Message me if you want help researching something specific. I famously really love it. (Eddie's Trojans are expired and I personally did the research to conclude that.)

The Rabbit vibrator had recently been invented in Japan, and was available almost nowhere in America. Its remote was connected by a wire.

Anal plugs were not made of silicone (silicone was not used for sex toys yet) and were not publicly available. They were made of firm rubber and were medical equipment. Metal ones with cute gems straight up didn't exist yet.

The Hitachi wand plugged into the wall and could overheat very quickly. It was one of the most common types of sex toys, because it was easily waved off as a "personal massager".

Most dildos were an unappealing almost dead light flesh tone. They did come in other, more lively skin tones, but you had to search for anything that looked good (and search even harder for brown). Rainbow colored dildos weren't really common yet. You're thinking of silicone dildos.

Leather bondage cuffs... I haven't found much but from what I can tell, they weren't common. Most bondage was done with police cuffs and rope. (Eddie has waist chain cuffs and no headboard. You're all liars.)

Vibrators were made of hard plastic (I believe), definitely not silicone, and came in a variety of colors. They were phallic, but not in the soft way we're accustomed to now. They tapered at the end...like a big, rounded pencil... They rarely, if ever, had different settings.

Bullet vibrators probably didn't exist. If they did, I haven't found evidence of it. The same goes for lipstick vibes. The same absolutely goes for wireless remote control vibes. Remote controlled toys came about in the 2000s

Trojan wasn't making Magnum condoms yet, and other brands didn't make XL condoms either.

Fleshlights and pocket pussies definitely didn't exist. If it needs silicone to exist, it doesn't yet. Penile masturbators included one's hands, socks, and those gag gift blow up dolls that probably feel god awful.

It was just different in 1986

- So many of the names we have for kinks. People just...were into it. They didn't usually discuss it in academic terms. ("He has a mommy/daddy kink"? No, he likes the comfort, or gets turned on by the words.)

- No one was using Mommy/Daddy in bed nearly as much unless they were actual parents being naughty with each other. Subs would usually use Master/Mistress or Sir/Miss/Madam. If your characters are into it, they should know it's not common.

- Crotchless underwear was only really available in specialty stores. Adult stores in small towns usually carried video tapes and sometimes sex toys. The sex toys were usually novelty gifts, not things people would want to use much. Rarely lingerie.

- Douches for gay men to prep with could at times be hard to find. They sometimes had to clean out women's douches.

Other Safety Tips

So many forms of edge play have become so normalized in recent years. I want to talk briefly about things you should research properly before you write them. Your work could spread misinformation if you don't. This section is not meant to fully educate, but to inform you on what you should research.

Watersports/Omarashi

Not edge play, but it can be risky. Urine is genuine bodily waste and is unhygienic. That's not a kink shame. What I'm saying is, be careful about it. Be careful about ingesting it or letting it touch certain body parts.

Holding in one's urine for an extended time can cause UTIs and kidney problems.

Choking/Breath Play

This is not vanilla. This is not french vanilla. This is not vanilla spice. This isn't a little kinky. This isn't light BDSM. This is fucking edge play and it can kill you.

There are two main kinds of choking in BDSM. One which retricts airflow, and another that restricts blood flow. The airflow method is riskier. Holding someone's throat without applying pressure would be considered kinky, and won't kill anyone if you don't know what you're doing.

Knife Play/Blood Play

Be careful where they're cutting and what knife they use jfc. There are some big no-no areas on the body for cutting during BDSM knife play that I've seen sliced in fics like it ain't risky? At least say it's a dangerous thing that's happening. It's real easy to find body charts on Google for this.

Be careful about blood being ingested as well. Yes, people lick blood from wounds. The wound should be cleaned as immediate aftercare anyway, but that goes double if the saliva got in there. Yes people go down while their partner is on their period. There are STI and other infection risks involved if the giving partner isn't hygienic about it.

When in doubt, check out Reddit BDSM/kink spaces. People are usually very open and kind to anyone who's curious, as long as you're respectful in turn. Kinky people hate misinformation.

[doitinanotherlanguage]

July 2023 Wrap-up: 1960s

(You can read more about the challenge on my post introducing the challenge. Basically, Reading Through the Decades is a year-long reading challenge where we read books - and explore other media - from the 1900s to the 2020s, decade-by-decade.)

Super late with the July wrap-up, but here it is at last!

What I Enjoyed This Month

📖 Picnic at Hanging Rock (1967), Joan Lindsay -> In 1900, a group of female students at an Australian girls' boarding school vanish at Hanging Rock while on a Valentine's Day picnic, causing varying effects on the school and local community. -> I watched the fantastic, queer 2018 mini-series (starring Natalie Dormer!) earlier this year and absolutely fell in love! So I knew I had to read the original novel as soon as possible. Since the book is written in the 60s, I decided to read it this month. I might prefer the mini-series (because in it, the themes of queerness are much more explicit and central) but the novel definitely holds its own, too.

🎬 Flickorna (1968; The Girls), dir. Mai Zetterling -> A feminist reinvention of the ancient Greek play Lysistrata by Aristophanes: Three actresses prepare to go on the road in a theater production of the classic play about women and war. As the women re-assess and deal with the problems in their respective private lives, they recognize the parallels with the play and begin to realize that it is serious - even tragic - after all. -> Very 60s, very awesome. I love watching older movies that centre women and feminist themes. This is definitely a very inventive and experimental - even surrealist - film.

📖 SCUM Manifesto (1967), Valerie Solanas -> A radical feminist manifesto that argues that men have ruined the world, which women have to fix by forming SCUM, an organization dedicated to overthrowing society and eliminating the male sex. The manifesto was little-known until Solanas attempted to murder Andy Warhol in 1968. -> I don't really know what to say about this. Mostly, the manifesto is filled with absurd bullshit - I don't fuck with violence, I emphatically don't think killing is the solution to anything, and radical feminism is definitely not the brand of feminism for me. That said, the manifesto is also hilarious as fuck: the manifesto totally flips the age-old "women are inferior" dynamic from Western, patriarchal philosophy and theory around, so yielding the manifesto up to an interpretation as a delicious satire. (Unfortunately, it seems that Solanas did not write the manifesto for irony and satire's sake.)

🎬 Victim (1961), dir. Basil Dearden -> A British neo-noir suspense film about a closeted lawyer who risks his career to bring a blackmailer to justice. The film is credited as being the first British film to explicitly name homosexuality and deal with it sympathetically. -> I am not the biggest neo-noir fan, but I very much enjoyed this one. I love a good queer classic!

🎬 Midnight Cowboy (1969), dir. John Schlesinger -> A naive hustler travels from Texas to New York City to seek personal fortune, in the process befriending a scrounging, sleazy small-time con man with big dreams. -> Another queer(?) classic! Idk, I really like watching movies about drifters and down-on-their-luck people struggling onwards in life and maybe finding some modicum of companionship in each other.

🎬 Stonewall (1995), dir. Nigel Finch -> A historical comedy-drama film that gives a fictionalized account of the weeks leading up to the Stonewall riots, a seminal event in the modern American gay rights movement. The main story follows a cross-dressing sex worker who meets a young gay man, freshly arrived in NYC. -> There was a horribly disappointing Stonewall movie made more recently in 2015 - forget about that shit and watch this one instead! This film actually centres cross-dressers, trans women, and queer politics while also incorporating humour, a love story, and several lip-synch numbers!

[sweetnxthngs]

[ lizeth selene,  non-binary, they/she ] — whoa! XOCHITL REYES just stole my cab! not cool, but maybe they needed it more. they have lived in the city for 6 YEARS, working as a/an WAITRESS AT STARDUST/MUSICIAN that can’t be easy, especially at only 25 YEARS OLD. some people say they can be a little bit CHAOTIC and SARCASTIC, but i know them to be OPINIONATED and DARING. whatever. i guess i’ll catch the next cab. hope they like the ride back to STATEN ISLAND! — character parallels: mazikeen smith, rosa diaz, santana lopez

BASICS

FULL NAME: Xochitl Soledad Reyes

NICKNAME(S): Xochi

AGE: 25 

DATE OF BIRTH:  August 5th, 1999

CURRENT LOCATION: Havenwood Suites, Staten Island, New York City

PLACE OF BIRTH:  Acapulco, Mexico. 

ETHNICITY: Mexican

GENDER: Non-Binary

PRONOUNS: they/she

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: queer

RELIGION: raised catholic, still spiritual, not involved in the church. 

LANGUAGES: Spanish, English

OCCUPATION:  Waitress at Stardust, front woman for Divine Them

FACECLAIM: Lizeth Selene.

MUSIC CLAIM: Daisy Grenade

VOICECLAIM: Lizeth Selene

PHYSICAL TRAITS

HEIGHT: 5’3

WEIGHT: 105

HAIR COLOR: Naturally dark brown, appears black.

EYE COLOR: Brown, they call them mud brown

PIERCINGS: both of their ears are pierced three times each, a spectrum piercing as well as a basic nose piercing. 

TATTOOS: you can find a tattoo tour here. 

SCARS|MARKS: a smattering of scars all over their body from skateboarding and general roughhousing as a kid. 

SIGNATURE SCENT: Glossier You

PHOBIAS AND DISEASES

MENTAL ILLNESSES: 

PHYSICAL ILLNESSES: N/a

PHOBIAS: 

RELATIONSHIPS

MOTHER:  Alejandra  Mariana Reyes (nee Martinez)

FATHER:  Emmanuel James Reyes

CHILDREN: none

SIBLINGS: Estefania Reyes, Yahajira Reyes

RELATIONSHIPS:  coming soon

 PETS:  an Australian shepherd puppy, named Joplin.

PERSONALITY

ZODIAC SIGN:  Leo

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Good

FAVORITE FOODS: her abuela’s pozole verde, paletas de fresa con crema, ramen but like the good kind, garlic butter noodles, tropical fruit salad, hot cheetos either covered in nacho cheese or dipped in cream cheese. 

FAVORITE COLOR: Deep forest green

LIKES:   the way music can settle into your soul so perfectly it almost feels like magic, the smell outside just after it rains, and similarly, the way the sky is a yellow-orange color just then, too, when one day it’s cold and the next there is a patch of daffodils outside of your window. 

DISLIKES:  people who refuse to acknowledge “female” fronted rock bands, pretentious people, especially those who are about art, injustice, 

HOBBIES:  skateboarding,  bike (motorcycle) repair, running as a form of exercise, growing their herbs, community organizing

BIOGRAPHY

PAST

Acapulco, Mexico,  August of 1999.

Xochitl Soledad Reyes is the second daughter of Emmanuel and Alejandra Reyes, their first daughter, Estefania is three.  They are pretty sure they’ll stop at two, but less than a year later Yahajira is born,  rounding out the Reyes family. 

They live on a ranch and the girls spend their days in school, or their summers playing dolls or chasing chickens around their family home. Still, their parents are planning to take them out of Mexico and into the United States, for their safety, their education, and a better life. They don’t talk about the risks, simply the benefits. Xochi is only five years old when they make the trek over. 

America, New York, is so different. They move into a small apartment, with two bedrooms and a fifth-floor walk-up in the Bronx. Their mother, who worked to be a teacher in Mexico, has to go back to basics here, working for tips as a waitress, and her father takes a cash-only job in a repair shop down the street. It’s not easy.  But the girls don’t know that, they have food on the table, they go to school where they are trying to learn a new language, and the rest is just life.  

They all have their things. Estefania is the oldest, and so smart that Xochi knows early on she’ll go places, Ya-ya is fanciful and a handful but smart enough to get by, and Xochi? They made average c’s in school, but they had street smarts, and they preferred to spend their time with their papa in the repair shop than anywhere else, flipping through copies of Rolling Stone and listening to the oldies rock music the guys played in the garage. 

                                    I’ve got sun in my motherfuckin’ pocket best believe.

Xochi is what one would normally call the problem child in the normal early aughts definition of it.  She refuses to wear a dress to church,  she doesn’t care about school, and her free time is spent singing along to her papa’s records and skateboarding with kids her parents don’t approve of.  But they don’t exactly know how to reign it in, and they have two other daughters to care about, too. One’s who will listen and obey.

Xochi sort of falls to the wayside, her parents still take care of her and love her, and she’s sure they always will, but she sort of just floats in and out, her grades are low but not failing but they have no college ambitions, and this is confirmed when they walk into a music shop one day taking in the lines of electric guitars on the wall. She tells her parents she’s going to skateboard, or sometimes, if they can believe, even study when she’s trading volunteer clean-ups for music lessons. It turns out she’s a natural with a decent voice to boost, and suddenly it consumes her.  Music makes them feel something other than dreary school days or weekends spent at the skate park, it ignites something so deep they feel on fire. 

She eventually gets a job at the music store, spare income going to more lessons after helping out at home, and their thoughts are simply rock and roll, much to their parent’s chagrin.  

Xochi watches as her older sister goes off to college, and she knows in two years she’ll have two options, go off to college,  or stay at home, working at the music shop. She had never considered college as a realistic option, and her grades weren’t up for it anyway,  and after watching her sister go through the process with applications as well as DACA, she wasn’t sure she wanted to, either way.

When senior rolled around, Xochi found themself with a job in her dad's repair shop part-time, a degree she didn’t plan on using, and a brand new pink Fender Stratocaster.  Her parents would let her pursue music if she took it seriously, and so the search for a band began.

A lot of the auditions were mostly a miss, until meeting BAND MEMBER A and BAND MEMBER B, they connected right away,  they were all misfits and they all loved music just as much as Xochi, it made forming Divine Them the easiest decision they ever made.

It starts in the garage of the repair shop at night for practice, barely paid gigs at graduation parties, birthday parties and anywhere they could get booked. Sometimes the shows sucked, and sometimes they had to play covers of songs they despised, but it was a good learning experience, and it helped them save up for expenses.  

By the time Xochi was 21, they were playing gigs at dive bars in the Bronx, and living in a three-bedroom apartment on Staten Island with their bandmates.

PRESENT

Xochi is 25 and working in Stardust as a singing server, where most days they sing their favorite show tunes, but recently have found themself as part of a Donna and the Dynamos trio with two co-workers.  Divine Them is still together, and while still playing in dive bars, they’ve also been playing some underground rock shows, and have recently put out an EP, although their goal is to go on tour.  They have a decent number of fans, and have had a few features in local zines, but they haven’t made it big yet. 

Xochi still lives in Staten Island with their other band mates, and they recently adopted an Australian shepherd puppy, naming it joplin.  Xochi recently acquired a motorcycle license, and is working on a used motorcycle for themself. It has become a bit of a hobby for them. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

Their sisters, Estefania and Yahajira would be so fun, they all live in New York, so it wouldn’t be implausible for them to see each other, although tumultuous or close relationships are up to plotting!

Their parents! I have perfect fcs for this and would love to have these people that Xochi has a sort of weird back-and-forth relationship.

 Their bandmates/best friends/roommates! Divine Them just clicked when they met, and they had become this rock-solid friend group and band. They all live together in a 3 bedroom in Staten Island, and even if the commute sucks, they make it work!

Romantic connections of all sorts, exes, current hookups, lovers, whatever! Xochi is queer, and to them, this just means they don’t have a gender or sex preference! They like who they like. 

Their tattoo artist! Xochi has a lot of tattoos, and loves getting more, so someone they trust and whose work they love would be so cool! I’d imagine they have a good rapport and just genuinely like each other! 

I would love some activist friends for Xochi, who is very politically active, and likes to involve them self in local movements!

[finnglas]

What's a story you've wanted to write but haven't yet written?

Oh, like, all of them! lol

The two constantly hanging out in the back of my head, though, for different reasons are:

LOVE IS A LONG CON - A heist story (which is why I haven't written it, heists are so much work, and I need to do a LOT of research on how to write one) wherein a heist mastermind fresh out of prison on parole goes to a lot of trouble to get the team back together for one last job...so that he can try to win back the heart of his former safecracker, who has gone legit in the meantime. (So like. Ocean's Eleven meets The Italian Job, but gay.)

LATE BLOOMING - I haven't written this one yet because the plot and details aren't quite right yet and I keep adjusting them, but the main points are that a man from a small town in central Florida has made it all the way to his 40th birthday without realizing he's queer + attracted to men, because he's on the gray-asexual/demisexual spectrum so he was never confronted with the realization of "oh crap I like men" because he's just never felt that way about much of anyone and hasn't bothered pursuing the details of it. The catalyst comes when he develops a startling attraction to someone who grew up in a queer activist family, so there's a lot of "welcome to the umbrella community, let me introduce you to all the really great parts of being queer" involved. It's heavily inspired by my own journey through queer identity and gray-aceness. Anyway, I want it to have a very sweet Hallmark-movie feel and heavily feature the charm of a small town based on the little touristy town I live in but I have to figure out the exact details of what happens when etc. and that keeps changing because I haven't landed on the right combo yet.

[islandofsages]

HELLO HERE'S THE RAMBLE-Y ASK

to start, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR YOIMIYA!!! you may have lost the 50/50 but she still came home in the end!! i am unfortunately skipping her bc i got her when she had her first banner but if she has a rerun next year and i'm not planning on pulling anyone around her then i'm 100% going for cons

ALSO ABOUT THE SLIP UPS, I ABSOLUTELY AGREE!! i don't know if it's just me but man, i read through what i write like 50 times before sending an ask or posting something even if it's just one sentence — I GUESS IT'S JUST ANXIETY BUT I FEEL LIKE THERE'S NO WAY PEOPLE JUST TYPE SOMETHING OUT AND THEN POST IT?? there's gotta be at least a once-over, right?? it's important to catch mistakes especially when it comes to pronoun slip-ups :( i really wish there was more inclusion in the fanfic community, not even just when it comes to gender, but sexualities, skin colors, different body types, even disabilities, etc!!

if i came across a fanfic about a chubby, aroace, nonbinary reader who gets support for their identity, mental disorders & disabilities, and comfort for their insecurities? i would actually ascend to the clouds. i would read that fic so many times until i'm able to recite it word for word. THIS IS THE KINDA STUFF I WISH I CAME ACROSS MORE. omg and neopronouns. i use a set of neopronouns do you know how cool it'd be to me to read a fanfic with a reader who uses cub/cubs pronouns AAAJSJDKSKS

i know fanfics are usually made to be super ambiguous so most people can insert themselves but if there can be specified genders that only people who identify as that gender can read then i feel like people could expand into other things as well. maybe they wouldn't get a ton of likes but even the smallest chance that it'd make someone's entire day should be enough to post it yk??

i actually have my own writing blog that i haven't really posted on much, but what i have posted has been romantic x readers because i know that's what gets attention. i mean i don't mind romantic x readers i think they're fun to read even though i don't feel romantic attraction myself but I ABSOLUTELY PREFER PLATONIC X READERS BUT I AM KINDA AFRAID TO WRITE THEM BC I DIDN'T KNOW IF ANYONE WOULD ACTUALLY READ THEM

but after coming across your account, which i am SO GLAD EXISTS, i realize big numbers don't matter, what matters is that the right people see the fics and are happy to know that there's people in this reader insert community that are just like them!!

(about the misgendering thing; i have a funny story! so i have a new therapist, and she's really cool she's the first therapist that i have ever seen to ask for my preferred name and pronouns — which fyi is extremely rare in this really small Catholic town i live in FISEK — and actually understand my aroace identity. yesterday, we were having our session in her car at my house and my dad had come home from work for lunch and stopped to say hi, said something about me to her that misgendered me. when he walked away my therapist turned towards me and asked "you looked anxious when he was walking over here, are you okay??" and i was like "yeah i just knew he was gonna misgender me :(" and then we talked about how it made me feel and she was SO VALIDATING. i mentioned how i live in a very small conservative town; it's very homophobic and transphobic here, very VERY hard to find another queer person. but my therapist told me that there are actually quite a few trans people in my town that she sees and that i'm absolutely not alone here AND THAT MADE ME SO HAPPY BC AAAAA)

^ that was longer than i meant for it to be JDJWKEKD

i swear kid's shows are so good with the found family trope — Alvin and the Chipmunks, Sonic, MY LITTLE PONY

AND THE FOUND FAMILY IN GENSHIN AAA the first thing that comes into mind is albedo and klee, i adore them both in my heart alice has adopted albedo and that alone makes me so DANG HAPPY

ABOUT THE QPRS I FRICKIN AGREE it isn't something that's exclusive to aspec people, i feel like sometimes allos end up in something like a qpr unintentionally?? like before i realized i was aroace i was very close to one of my friends — cuddling, hand holding, etc — if i knew what a qpr was back then i'd have asked about being in one with them. EVEN IF I DIDN'T END UP REALIZING I WAS AROACE and just managed to find out what a qpr was i still would have brought it up with them yk??

i have never officially been in a qpr because i'm too awkward and i have really bad social anxiety LOL but HEY, that's what fictional characters are for HEHE

I'M ALSO THE ELDEST SIBLING!! i have one brother and he's 16 months younger than me and an asshole HAHA

i'm so attached to the idea of an older brother, specifically a protective one, because the idea of having a sibling older than me who wants to protect me makes me feel so safe and secure in an environment where i'm not and AH!! that's probably why i'm so attached to thoma as a big brother

ironic bc he's a shield character DKISKEKD

AND THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY REALLY LONG ASKS AND TENDANCY TO RAMBLE i currently have diagnosed adhd but i'm not being treated yet and i am just so bad about being overly talkative people have told me i don't even stop to BREATHE when i speak

which is true, i get so out breath after a while that i'm literally gasping HDISKEKDKO

ANYWAY I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY ❤️❤️

- 🐯

THANK UUUUUU i mean i spent so much on her it almost feels like a lost yknow? but thats just me being ungrateful HAHA in the end she's very worth it shes so fun to play also shes ADORABLEEEE UGH also oooo initial banner yoimiya haver huh? based af. also the fact that you even want her cons what a chad

SAME THOOOO especially when it comes to messaging i have to double-check everything,, and FRRR WE NEED MORE DIVERSITY IN FICS actually i do plan on writing chubby reader bc im chubby myself :D i just want my comfort charas to think my chubbiness is cute instead of it being an ugly trait LOL also omg yes neopronouns i actually used to go by some neos but then nobody used them so i stopped using them myself too LMAOOOOO

and yeah true like while x reader fics are mostly written to appeal to the general masses, sometimes it's just not enough yknow? like sure i could settle for gn!reader but goddamn the euphoria i get from male reader fics....immaculate. and yeah i used to write romantic fanfics for the same reason - for clout. i mean, i did enjoy it somewhat but at the same time, it's not the only thing i wanted to do. not when non-romantic relationships are deemed insignificant.

so i started this blog. im very, very aware of the lack of attention i get but i genuinely dont care. bc at least im actually doing what i wanna do instead of doing what most people do to easily grab attention. like sure, your ayato x reader marriage fic got 10k notes - so what? marriage and romance are so overrated, especially those two combined. the only time i'll ever write a marriage fic is for a (queer)platonic marriage lmao

god bless your therapist's soul thats so nice of her!! i can relate to living in a small conservative town LMAO literally no one i know is queer (well at least, not outwardly which is understandable bc my whole country is very queerphobic). hope you find your trans buddies soon!!!

YEAHHHH tbh the whole knights of favonius is just a big happy family. also zhongli and hu tao + xiao,, and yeah that's the thing tho - ive seen people say that qprs were like normal back then but suddenly now they're not?? the only difference is that back then no one had a word for it. but now we do!! so we gotta educate and spread awareness!!! ive been in a qpr and it lasted like 5 months LMAO tbh i didnt really treat my ex any different from when we were friends,, so now we're back to being besties teehee

PFFFFT younger brothers are like that,, mine is a lazy ass motherfucker who contributes nothing to my life or even society. hate his ass. and yeah tho i dont really think about it, the thought of having an older sibling caring for you and being a role model for you is appealing...which is why i enjoyed childe's story quest LMAO but yass big brother thoma supremacy 🔥🔥🔥

IT'S OKAY you can talk to me about anything !! i actually like talkative people bc im really quiet irl so at least i dont have to come up with topics to talk about and overthink LMFAO

i hope you have an amazing day too hun <3 you dont mind me calling you that right? i have a tendency to call people endearing nicknames so please do tell me if you're uncomfortable with it !!

[anarcho-sexual]

I must get some things off my mind. No need to read if you don’t wish to. Truly not important stuff, just talking to myself. If someone does read this, be aware it’s pretty negative & bitter & I briefly talk about suicide.

So, I was talking to my bf & we started talking about queer conservative people. I’ll call ‘em QueerCons going forward. He said that maybe they’d chill out if the oppressors were gotten rid of (this convo was about a deadly virus only infecting straight republicans, not genocide lol).

I strongly disagree. Well, I think yeah there’s a possibility they chill out. But the thing is that they have already chosen to side with fascists. The GOP’s policies & their rhetoric (& that of their pundit puppets) is causing real harm to real people. They are literally getting people killed & will continue to do so until someone does something about it.

QueerCons may have chosen to be “one of the good ones” because they’re scared. What if they don’t actually hold those beliefs but they think siding with them is their best chance at being safe? I don’t give a flying fuck. Maybe that’s wrong. If it is, I’m about to say even more wrong things.

I don’t care how scared someone is, it is unacceptable to vote for & stand with American Conservatives/Republicans. There are basically zero circumstances in which it’s okay.

And let’s say we “defeat” these fascist fucks. Perhaps by something as simple & clean as voting! Then the QueerCons come back & what? We’re all buddies again? They’re no longer “not one of those gays”?

Nahhhh. Hell nah. No one gets to do that. When you shack up with fascists as far as I’m concerned you’re a fascist too. There are no valid excuses. I do not care about traitorous queer people one single bit.

Hypothetically, if I had to execute a group of fascists & some of them were these QueerCons? I wouldn’t hesitate for a second on the queer ones. Ain’t nobody my friend or my family just because they’re queer.

When we face potential existential fascistic threats we stand together in solidarity. Period. I don’t care how afraid someone may be. That’s not a valid excuse. There are no valid excuses.

If you’re queer & you align yourself with U.S. Republicans & parrot bullshit con talking points & say stuff like “I’m not gay. I’m homosexual. The gay movement has gone too far.” Or “I’m not one of those gays” you are without a shadow of a doubt contributing to the pain & death that U.S. Conservatives are causing in this country. You are complicit.

If I ever meet another queer person & find out they voted Republican within a certain time period, they’re getting their shit rocked. I’m small & not super duper strong but I’m doing it. I have zero tolerance for that kind of thing. Zero tolerance for fascists. And unlike the “zero tolerance for bullying” policies the schools I went to had, I mean zero tolerance. You’re dead to me. I don’t give a flying fuck what happens to you. You’ll get everything that’s coming to you from the GOP, you’ll deserve it, & I’ll laugh. You don’t get to betray millions of queer people & slither your snake ass back into the community when it’s all done. No fuckin way. My apologies to snakes, it is the only thing I could think of. I love snakes & value their lives more than cowardly turncoats.

Yeah, this is bitter & mean & possibly not right of me. I’m bitter & angry about it. About the world, man. Prior to this conversation, earlier in the night before my bf had fallen asleep on the phone & I got to hear his cute snoring, we were talking about the country & the world & late stage capitalism.

I just feel so angry, sad, both hopeless & helpless, & finally, powerless. I feel like we can’t do much of anything about all of it. I feel like I can’t protect people or help them properly/enough. I’m worried that the type of people we have in power right now are the type of people which only understand one language: violence. The government has authority because of one thing & one thing only. They have a military. We have to listen to and obey anything the government says, even when it’s extremely obvious it’s a fucking lie. Take the scheduling of cannabis in the U.S. for example. I am aware that in January of this year it was recommended that cannabis be reclassified to Schedule III from Schedule I. This is a recommendation & as far as I can tell it remains under Schedule I. However, cannabis does not meet the criteria for Schedule I at all in any way. Cannabis does not have a high potential for abuse & it does have medical uses. But the government has straight up lied to the public for about a century or longer about it. We all know it’s a lie. We all know that cannabis does not belong in the same category as heroin. We all know this but we just have to deal with it because the big gang with the big guns said so. Side note: LSD, peyote, & ecstasy do not belong in Schedule I in my opinion either. But I haven’t considered criteria that’s just my opinion. Cannabis genuinely does not meet Schedule I criteria.

Then there are things like drug enforcement & addressing homelessness & making sure the working class is well taken care of so they have a reason to continue working. It’s been shown in other countries that certain ways of addressing drug problems & addiction work very well. We know this. The feds know this. But it won’t happen because that would reduce their supply of slave labor. We have studies that have shown the best ways we know of to address homelessness. We know these things. But it won’t happen because fuck you & fuck me & fuck Shannon down on the corner. Oh yeah & arrest Shannon because it’s illegal to be homeless on the street in too many states even though in those same states the goddamn shelters are at capacity. It’s been shown that our police aren’t our friends, they aren’t here to protect us, they do not have to protect us, they do not want to protect us, they do not prevent crimes, & that they are fucking murdering people. But it ain’t gonna change because the government tells us we need more police so we can be safer. We all have to go along with the reality that the government imposes upon us.

We have to just put up with what Uncle Sam & his corpo friends tell us is reality because we have hardly any power if any at all. I have such low hope for the future. I don’t want to work until I’m 70 or older for shit pay & only have the ability to work, go home, sleep, work, go home, sleep, & so on for my whole life. You wanna know what the meaning & purpose of life is? It is to have fun while not hurting anyone else. That’s it. That’s the grand & beautiful meaning to life! But how can we even do that when things are the way they are & seem to be getting worse? I just feel like everything in this world is wrong & there’s hardly anything any of us can do. We all know it’s wrong! The people in power know it’s wrong! It makes me feel so hopeless. Powerless. No control over my life. So I start thinking, what’s the point if there’s not even time or money for fun between work? It feels like there has been, is, & will be so much pain & bullshit that none of the good shit will even make life worth it. I think…why not kill myself? Why should I live besides the fact people would be hurt & sad if I commit suicide? Why would I want to live in this world? Does anyone? Are we all just faking it when we converse about it because we don’t want to encourage our loved ones to jump ship? What’s the point, girl? Why should I spend the next several decades in this world?

Fuck lol. If by some wild, crazy chance someone was bored enough to read this to the end, I greatly appreciate your time. I love you, as well :)

[spiritintheteapot]

Yuletide Letter 2023

Dear Yuletide Writer,

Thank you for offering a story in one of these awesome rare fandoms!

Some things I like (Gen):

Self-sufficiency and logistical planning. A character having a problem and taking initiative to solve it.

Stories that examine small, overlooked aspects of a world or a character. I like reading about strange ideas that don’t necessarily have top-selling tropes.

The mortifying ordeal of having to be in community (work, family, or elsewhere) with someone you just can’t stand. Petty drama and gossip!

Women chafing against the confines of their lives, and discovering healing friendships within and across gender lines, with people who also want women to be free.

Some things I like (shippy):

Established relationships, and the interpersonal dynamics that take time to arise between partners.

Partners supporting each other against outside conflicts.

Sex where partners switch between giving and receiving roles.

Sex with external vibrator use.

Verbal instructions during sex.

Stories that subvert stereotypes of butch women being dominant/aggressive/selfless in bed. (Bonus points when a butch woman puts on feminine clothing or underwear for an erotic context, when she won’t wear it for other occasions)

Global DNW:

Treats are welcome!

Any maturity level is A-okay for f/f ships.

DNW: content rated above G for other ships (e.g. m/f, m/m, poly ships)

DNW: sex scenes that feature anything phallic (e.g. a dildo), or any anal contact

DNW: non-con

DNW: significant torture, gore, body horror; I prefer you keep the work at a lighter level than the source material

DNW: “gross-out” humor

DNW: stories that don’t match a character’s canonical gender.

---

Ammonite - Nicola Griffith

Characters: Marghe, Thenike, Danner

I nominated this book because it is just too good to have no presence on the archive! I really enjoy the theme of different cultures learning to live side by side, and also how Marghe and Thenike slip into their relationship.

Suggested prompts: Danner meets Marghe and Thenike’s children–what does she think about them? Or, the story of Danner’s first handmade clothes on Jeep. Or, Marghe and Thenike working as viajeras and having to solve a mystery.

Elemental Logic - Laurie J. Marks 

Characters: Zanja, Karis

I nominated this series because it is criminally underrated, while being among the best queer fiction in print. I can’t say enough about the delicacy and originality of the magic system. I love the complexity of our heroines, and the practical, steadfast way they work for a long-awaited peace. I love these books so much that I hosted a year-long fandom event for them (shaftal.tumblr.com is where to find that)

Suggested prompts: I’d like a story about Zanja and Karis helping each other with a difficult problem, which could be set any time after the end of Fire Logic. I didn’t request any other characters, but I also nominated Clement and Seth--if you have read Earth Logic and like them as much as I do, you are welcome to give them large supporting roles. I’m also happy to see Zanja and Karis’s whole family in small supporting roles. Maybe Zanja must represent the interests of some Border People to Shaftal, but their needs are very different from the Ashawala’i? Maybe Karis must resolve the situation with the Basdown cow dogs? Maybe Ocean’s successor makes herself known?

Everything Leads To You - Nina LaCour

Characters: Emi, Ava

I nominated this book because it is the perfect queer teen romance, and because I recently moved to LA! I would love a story where the LA setting features heavily.

Suggested prompts: Emi and Ava go to WeHo Pride. Emi growing in her craft, and looking back at previous films she worked on and thinking about what she would do differently now. Do they get married, and if so when and how?

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Characters: Susie, Midge, Sophie

I nominated this show because of the strength of its case for Feminism 101, and because Susie is a butch character who feels like home. I ship Susie with Midge and Sophie equally (I’m not interested in a polyship for them but a love triangle could be okay), and I would be happy with a gen story about their working relationships as well.

Suggested prompts: Have we REALLY heard the last of Sophie Lennon? What’s it like for Susie at pivotal moments in LGBTQ history?

Star Trek: Lower Decks

Characters: Mariner, Tendi, T'Lyn

Somehow Lower Decks managed to be the perfect Star Trek series, consistently funny and interesting and deep.

Suggested prompts: Mariner noticing that T’Lyn is actually a Bad Girl (i.e. Mariner’s type). The lower deckers getting stuck on a planet and having to survive by ingenuity. Zany space shenanigans that influence the fic’s form, like an episode where everyone starts speaking in poetry.

This is How You Lose the Time War - Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone 

Characters: Red, Blue

A beautiful love story, with so many possibilities for fics with unusual stylistic elements.

Suggested prompts: Red and Blue’s post-canon adventures, either together or writing to one another again. Do they have to go undercover in a place they hate? Do they get unexpectedly attached to something in a thread of time that they have to prune? Does anyone cross paths with an earlier version of herself?

[centristwitch]

Just a question, during the movie, did they ever talk about how only 3% of trans people regret their decision? Did they ever talk about how it can make someone's life 10x better even tho the process is hard? Did they say that trans women are women? Or did they just talk about the possible horrors of being trans and then get people stuck with the question "what is a woman"

Considering that the 3% cannot be accurate because detransitioners are silenced and not properly accounted for. As well as still being counted often amongst the trans community still.

No. They didn't mention that in the film. They covered in the film what is usually silenced.

Well, it's not a difficult question. Or shouldn't be. And they had the right to answer any way they wanted to. And they did.

They didn't say anything about trans women being women or not. Matt Walsh said very little on it. Only asked a few simple questions. The rest was commentary from people that are mostly in agreement with the trans community actually.

But there are horrendous things about the movement and the movement does not acknowledge any of it. It is squashed out. It cannot go on. Both sides of everything must be known. It is important that young queer people can have access to all arguments. It is not right to deny everyone their chance to discuss this. They speak to a trans man in the film and his experience was similar to my own. These things happen to way more people than you realize. Often detrans and trans people that have negative experiences are silenced and put out.

That is sinister and intentional.

As uncomfortable as it is we need to look at this from all angles. Medical transition is no joke and must be considered in every way. Positive and negative. And we should speak plainly and seriously about what transition does to children. I loved the film because I love hearing the perspective of every side. It helps me be the most informed. I am still very in the middle about this.

Transition is important. It saved my life at the time.

But we cannot deny that there are so many cons and it can ruin lives. It is no small decision. Every trans person should be well informed on the bad and good.

Every debate needs to hear both sides. There is no way to truly understand anyone without it. I can listen to people I don't like.

It's so important for the pursuit of knowledge.

I recommend watching someday if you can.

[popsunner]

The (Incomplete) List of Queer Movies With Actual Happy Endings

Disclaimer- I am a white lesbian, so while I have seen and enjoyed all of these movies, I do not have capital knowledge on what is and isn’t problematic or inaccurate

Gods Own Country (mlm)

A young farmer numbs his frustrations with drinking and casual sex until a Romanian migrant worker sets him on a new path.

Laurence Anyways (trans mtf, wlw)

In the '90s, Laurence tells his girlfriend, Fred, that he wants to become a woman; they confront the prejudices of their friends, ignore the council of their families and brave the phobias of the society they offend.

Were The World Mine (mlm)

A gay teen (Tanner Cohen) uses a love potion to turn close-minded townspeople into homosexuals, including the handsome jock with whom he is secretly in love.

The Birdcage (mlm)

In this remake of the classic French farce "La Cage aux Folles," engaged couple Val Goldman (Dan Futterman) and Barbara Keeley (Calista Flockhart) shakily introduce their future in-laws. Val's father, Armand (Robin Williams), a gay Miami drag club owner, pretends to be straight and attempts to hide his relationship with Albert (Nathan Lane), his life partner and the club's flamboyant star attraction, so as to please Barbara's father, controversial Republican Sen. Kevin Keeley (Gene Hackman).

Kiss Me (wlw)

A young woman engaged to be married finds herself in an affair with her soon-to-be stepmother's lesbian daughter.

Handsome Devil (mlm)

Two opposites, a loner and the top athlete become friends at a rugby-obsessed boarding school, and the authorities test their friendship.

Pride (mixed)

Realising that they share common foes in Margaret Thatcher, the police and the conservative press, London-based gay and lesbian activists lend their support to striking miners in 1984 Wales.

Boy Meets Girl (trans mtf)

Ricky, a 21-year-old transgender young woman living in Virginia, dreams of becoming a designer in New York.

Moonlight (mlm, poc)

A look at three defining chapters in the life of Chiron, a young black man growing up in Miami. His epic journey to manhood is guided by the kindness, support and love of the community that helps raise him.

The Handmaiden (wlw, poc)

With help from an orphaned pickpocket (Kim Tae-ri), a Korean con man (Ha Jung-woo) devises an elaborate plot to seduce and bilk a Japanese woman (Kim Min-hee) out of her inheritance.

North Sea Texas (mlm)

A teenager searching for love finds it in the boy next door.

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (poc)

Three drag queens travel cross-country until their car breaks down, leaving them stranded in a small town.

Saving Face (wlw, poc)

Wil (Michelle Krusiec) is a lesbian, but she not dare tell her widowed mother, Hwei-lan (Joan Chen), or her very traditional grandparents. She's shocked, however, to find out she's not the only one in her family with romantic secrets when she learns that her 48-year-old mother is pregnant. Unwilling to reveal who the father is, Hwei-lan is kicked out of her parents' home and must move in with Wil, which puts a strain on Wil's budding relationship with openly gay Vivian (Lynn Chen).

4th Man Out (mlm)

After celebrating his 24th birthday, a mechanic (Evan Todd) decides to tell his three buddies (Parker Young, Chord Overstreet) that he is gay.

The Danish Girl (trans mtf, wlw)

With support from his loving wife Gerda (Alicia Vikander), artist Einar Wegener (Eddie Redmayne) prepares to undergo one of the first sex-change operations.

The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert (trans mtf)

When drag queen Anthony (Hugo Weaving) agrees to take his act on the road, he invites fellow cross-dresser Adam (Guy Pearce) and transsexual Bernadette (Terence Stamp) to come along. In their colorful bus, named Priscilla, the three performers travel across the Australian desert performing for enthusiastic crowds and homophobic locals. But when the other two performers learn the truth about why Anthony took the job, it threatens their act and their friendship.

Romeos (trans ftm, mlm)

Lucas, a transgendered woman becoming a man, is stuck in a female residential hall.

52 Tuesdays (trans ftm)

A teenage girl's road to adulthood and independence is accelerated when her mum says he wants to become a man, and limits their time together to Tuesday afternoons.

Esteros (mlm, poc)

Matias and Jeronimo's friendship takes a new turn during the holiday before starting high school, when they both experience their sexual awakening.

The Half of It (wlw, poc)

A shy, introverted student helps the school jock woo a girl whom, secretly, they both want.

Pariah (wlw, poc)

Teenage Alike (Adepero Oduye) lives in Brooklyn's Fort Greene neighborhood with her parents (Charles Parnell, Kim Wayans) and younger sister (Sahra Mellesse). A lesbian, Alike quietly embraces her identity and is looking for her first lover, but she wonders how much she can truly confide in her family, especially with her parents' marriage already strained. When Alike's mother presses her to befriend a colleague's daughter (Aasha Davis), Alike finds the gal to be a pleasant companion.

Big Eden (mlm)

Henry Hart (Arye Gross) is a young gay artist living in New York City. When his grandfather has a stroke, Henry puts his career on hold and returns home to the small town of Big Eden, Montana, to care for him. While there, Henry hopes to strike up a romance with Dean Stewart (Tim DeKay), his high-school best friend for whom he still has feelings. But he's surprised when he finds that Pike (Eric Schweig), a quiet Native American who owns the local general store, may have a crush on him.

[reno2ndgun]

Speculation on Queer rights in Midgar & How It relates to my Reno Headcanon.

So this is something I’ve thought about for quite some time as being Queer is just part of Reno as I write him. He’s bisexual and HUGELY affectionate, But being a Turk comes with Pros and cons. I’ll just jump through the hoops and thinkythoughts in the order I had them, and  discovered the bits of canon that lent thought to this. Things discussed will be The need to uphold the mantle of the Turk persona as an extension of ShinRa’s oppression Midgar’s social dynamic Midgar’s classism  The pictures from the Ultimanium can be found on this post by blitzrod​

My first thoughts on this topic started specifically with Verdot’s influence on Reno as a Rookie. Lets take a peek at Verdot’s setup and job environment.

Verdot has to worry about company Image. company image is a HUGE DEAL. It’s also integral to the job of the Turks. This is a transcript from Before Crisis from https://turkleader.tumblr.com/bcepisodes, i forget exactly which chapter o-o, but it’s in there.

Veld’s first concern is not the safety of the people. It’s company image. Why? It’s his JOB. These next pics are from the  Final Fantasy VII Remake: Material Ultimania supports this.

Let me break this down. 1: it is not only Verdot’s job, but also Reno’s to hide ShinRa’s stink from public eye with cover ups and assassinations and the like. The Turks were even called in during the game Before Crisis episode 13 to clean up the Nibelheim incident after Sephiroth torched the place. This isn’t small scale cleanup. It’s ShinRa flexing it’s power over Regions clear outside the City through the Turks. (Don’t get me started on ShinRa and Wutai)

2: Sending out the Turks to knock someone down a peg over  pointing out the companies blatant injustices is ShinRa flexing. 3: ShinRa controls everything through its monopolies, and when they can’t they send in the Turks to flex their authority either through cover ups, subjugation , kidnapping or assassination.  I think people under the plate know exactly what the Turks are doing as far as suppression of the public goes, and that mantle of fear needs to be upheld for the company image. Someone barks too loud, The Turks make a show of paying a visit, and the naysayer is quickly gone. Furthermore, working security Detail for The President, Vice President, and Executives puts him as a recognizable face in the public image even more so due to ShinRa’s control on media. I don’t think it was by any means a stretch that Verdot would tell Reno “You can fuck who you want but you have to keep the company image clean. That’s our number 1 priority.” No rainbows on clothes, no paraphernalia on his days off, no drag, no bright makeups. You dress for the job and represent ShinRa 24/7 as its image. Keep anything queer in private. This is key even during Free time because the Turks are a public image. This isn’t just oppressions of the masses, but also the employees when it comes to the Turks and that directly corelates to the fact that The Turks are ShinRa’s active tools of oppression outside of ShinRa having a monopoly on EVERY market. There are no competitors. Shinra controls EVERYTHING in Midgar. Food, jobs, services, taxes, governing, media, imports, someone's social class, population control. It all ties back to ShinRa. Lets peek.  Food market...

Reno has a solid paycheck and access to unprocessed raw goods once he’s been pulled topside. It’s very difficult to build up the physique Reno has without good food. That open chest shirt, showing off his health and sex appeal as someone with social status, money and privilege? Another ShinRa flex. It’s part of the tailored image. Once you pick things apart, the Turks are actually terrifying. 

Oh look, more oppressions through limiting the peoples means to communicate widescale. And yet the Turks have REALLY nice phones. (Tseng’s super pretty phone comes to mind)  More of ShinRa flexing.

YOU NEED A PERMIT TO LIVE TOPSIDE ISSUED BY SHINRA. The upper crust clamor for the chance to climb that social ladder because ShinRa is calling the shots. Social Class influences everything here in Midgar for the populace. Appearances matter. MONEY MATTERS. If you’re not good enough, ShinRa will probably take the permit. -sprinkles privilege- The first mission all new Turks get, is to patrol upper plate Sector 8. you find this out in Chapter one of Before Crisis. This is a Residential area. The Turks are a public face. They are in no way hidden from the public.

Control the rich and keep the poor and the laborers stupid and subjugated. This is key to note in tandem with ShinRa’s iron grip over the media. I guarantee you ShinRa controls the curriculum in ALL OF THEM. Did I mention the fact that Reno WENT to one of said fancy ass schools? When Reno was pulled from the slums, the most important and influential thing he attained was new social class and privilege. But it also meant his education was railroaded to be a Turk, and readily groomed by both Barker and Veld to accept the role as a tool for ShinRa’s oppression. Let’s look at what else shinRa controls besides schools and you know. Everything.. They control transportation and utilities like clean drinking water, and electricity.

We’ve already established they control food. All governance lies with the Executives.

Do you see where i’m going with this? ShinRa Senior is....a tyrant at best. Let me just...post a throwback.

ShinRa even tightly controls the population of the upper plate.

Now let’s take another look at Reno.

Suddenly the image of your neighborhood friendly Turk patrolling sector 8 residential areas isn’t so Friendly. It’s a symbol of ShinRa watching you.  Also, with the social climate he’s in, I really don’t think its even REMOTELY safe to be openly queer. Let alone as a Turk.  Given ShinRa Seniors overwhelming need for oppression there’s no way Midgar has any sort of queer rights or anti discrimination laws when ShinRa rarely contributes to the peoples welfare despite the fact most of it’s workers live there.

This image of wealth, power, affluence, status, health is all 100 percent catered to ShinRa’s needs. This isn’t Reno as his found family among the Turks knows him. It’s a Turk, and that’s exactly the way it needs to be to do ShinRa’s dirty work.

To the upper class living topside, he presents himself as tailored, clean, sexually appealing, healthy, charming, suitably upper class, wealthy, upkept, and of high social status. He’s ‘friendly’ because the classists and rich would only consider those of equal financial status as worthy. He looks like money. The weapon, the tailored suit, the hair, the chopper, the materia, the education. To just about anyone under the plate he represents ShinRa’s oppression and a grisly end. Given just how integral ShinRa is into everything, and how closely tied the Turks are to upholding it, there is no chance in hell Reno would be allowed to break that image of clean cut deadly by being visibly queer.

Lets look at some info about the slums and more specifically Wall market where The Honeybee Inn and the Drag scene reside! 

and now Wall Market

There are MULTIPLE REASONS WHY THE LOCATION OF THE HONEYBEE INN WITHIN WALL MARKET IS HUGE. It’s already clearly been stated that Wall market is a lawless place rampant with black markets and criminal activity, illegal trades and the like. Wall Market is fucking shady. Under the plate is a haven for the dregs of society..... NOW LOOK WHO RUNS IT. THAT IS BEAUTY OF A MAN WHO FLAT OUT STATES THAT BEAUTY TRANCENDS GENDER. IN FUCKING WALL MARKET.

The Honeybee Inn is members only invitation. The dance performances and musical entertainment that you get at this place are top notch and the performances are very easily good enough to be topside quality.  But the club with queer validation, crossdressers, the drag scene, the heavily implied queer scene is in WALL MARKET. With the dregs of Midgar society.  Andrea more than has the sense and intelligence to make a business for himself topside as a club owner, because he’s thriving in the city’s underbelly, not only working with an oppressive city government, but also because he manages to work his way between Don Corneo’s fat little fingers and dealing with Corneo as a boss, and STILL. THRIVING. But he’s running the Honeybee Inn in Wall Market. While  Wall Market might be the entertainment district, its worth noting That the whole setup still screams ‘limited by oppression’. The message that Queers are seen as undesirables in Midgar unless they’re somehow useful to someone else (In this case as entertainment) just slaps of discrimination once you’ve had a look through the Material Ultimania and read between the lines. AND DESPITE ALL OF IT. THIS KING THRIVES. (sorry I really like Andrea. -cough- ) All of this really concludes that...Queer Rights of any kind likely don’t exist in Midgar. Reno has traded the ability to be visibly queer, and make his own decisions about self expression, poverty, bad health, a bleak future in favor of privilege, affluence, status, money, good health, and the weight of a heavy conscience to Do ShinRa’s dirty work.  Both option came with pros and cons. While the Turks largely do their work in Secret, I think there’s a definite public image/double life they have to present to feed ShinRa’s image. I think as someone Bi he’s likely closeted, now that I’ve read between the lines, and keeps it hidden to all but those closest to him due to his environment and social restrictions.   However,

[leadrains]

movie recs?

i will literally watch anything so idk how good u can say my taste is but earlier some1 asked me what my favorite movies are so now theyre on the top of my head

rocketman - musical biopic about elton john (musical drama)

the rocky horror picture show - queer alien frankenstein stuff?? idk how to describe it (horror comedy sci fi)

paris is burning - it's a documentary but it's abt the vogue ball scene in new york, filmed during the 80s (doc)

what we do in the shadows - mockumentary about vampires (horror comedy fantasy)

scream - slasher about high schoolers being targeted by a masked man like every single slasher is but this one is just Different ok it is so special to me (horror comedy)

the lost boys - the way it's written is kinda weird to process but basically it's about an evil homoerotic vampire gang in the 80s (horror comedy fantasy)

get out - a black man visits his white girlfriend's family for a few days in a rural area but begins to suspect that there's something dark going on (horror thriller)

crimson peak - a rich girl in like 1900 sees ghosts and then she marries a weird british guy and moves into his fucked up house with his weird sister and sees more ghosts (horror drama fantasy)

parasite - a family pretends not to know each other so that they can all con their way into jobs working for an extremely rich family but shit gets really weird (horror? thriller drama)

pan's labyrinth - a little girl in 1940s spain moves to a military outpost with her mother and stepfather and discovers a scary magic labyrinth (horror drama fantasy)

the boys in the band - several gay men in the 60s throw a birthday party but things get tense as the night goes on (drama)

concrete cowboy - a troubled teen is sent to live with his father in a small town where a community of black modern cowboys reside and struggle to maintain their lifestyles (drama)

the princess bride - a fairy tale about love and sword fights and whatever idk i feel like any way to describe it spoils it but if u havent seen it...... watch it (fantasy comedy)

moulin rouge - a jukebox musical about forbidden love between a courtesan and a writer (drama? comedy)

moonlight - a coming of age (?) film about a gay black man (drama)

this is kind of a lot but i also feel like im missing so many

anyways i would recommend checking doesthedogdie for any potential triggers

[jamiemackenziefraser]

All That Was Fair

Chapter 10: Near Misses

Work Summary: Jamie Fraser is hiking near some strange stones when he comes across an unconscious lass. Determined to help her, Jamie’s life is turned completely upside down as he takes her in. The only issue... she’s not human.

Chapter Summary: Claire and Jamie make one last surprise stop in Inverness.

Read on AO3

Read chp 10 on tumblr below the cut

Previous, masterlist , next

Chapter 10: Near Misses

***

“Here, put back on yer jacket, lass,” Jamie said to a shivering Claire, extricating it rather clumsily from the pile of clothes on his arm and handing it to her. 

The puir lass still hadn’t quite gotten the hang of the whole “weather” thing, and as the sun hid behind the clouds and the air grew cooler, she was beginning to tremble. 

Claire took the jacket from him, her fingers brushing his in the process, and he found himself shivering as well— though not from cold. 

They were almost back to where the car was parked. Jamie’s plan was to dump the awkward armful of loose clothes, but he was hoping that their outing wouldn’t end quite yet...

“I ken this has been quite the day for ye, a nighean,” Jamie began tentatively as he opened the trunk, “but I had one more thing in mind that I think ye might enjoy. Would ye like to see it or do ye want tae go home?” 

Her arms were wrapped around herself as Jamie shoved everything into the trunk and closed it. When he looked up, she was nodding eagerly. 

“I would love to.” 

A broad smile spread over Jamie’s face. He wasn’t sure she’d say yes, quiet as she’d been since they left the store, but he was delighted by her enthusiasm and hoped she’d like their last stop. 

Jamie locked the car with a beep before turning toward Claire again. Spotting her opened jacket, he muttered “ach, ye’ll freeze”, then stepped closer and reached out for the zipper. 

She looked up at him with huge whisky eyes and he had no choice but to meet them. He hyper-aware of the proximity to her body as he drew the zipper up very slowly, each tooth coming together inch by inch. The moment seemed to drag on for eternity, but he didn’t want to let go. Once the zipper reached the top, Jamie’s hand lingered, just barely under her chin. He was so close to her that he could feel the puffs of her breath, and his whole body thrummed with the tension that sparked between them. 

How easy it’d be to tug her just the tiniest bit closer and—

Claire’s chest rose under his fingers in a shaky inhale, and that was what broke him out of the trance.

Stepping away from her sharply, he shattered the moment of connection like a stone thrown into a placid pond. The forced distance between them tugged at his heart, but he retreated to a safe couple feet away— where his brain could work enough to keep him from acting on his inclinations. 

He couldn’t have named the look on Claire’s face, but her usually expressive features seemed to fall into a carefully placed mask of neutrality.  He gave her a smile in reassurance, hoping she wasn’t offended by his odd behavior, and offered her his hand. Touch was a comfort to her, and he wouldn’t dream of withholding that just because it turned his head and his heart into mush. 

The moment she took it, he began to lead her in the direction of their last stop. 

**

The Inverness Botanical Gardens were only a couple blocks away. As soon as they entered the gates, Claire’s eyes went wide with delight as she took in the expanse of colorful plants and flowers in bloom. She stopped walking abruptly, and simply stood in enrapturement, hand clutching Jamie’s even tighter. 

“See. Humans arena sae bad,” he joked. 

Either she didn’t hear him or didn’t care to respond, wrapped up in the scenery as she was. 

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed reverently. 

To his surprise, she let go of his hand, walked a few steps over to the nearest bed of flowers, and promptly dropped to her knees. Jamie’s heart clenched in endearment as he watched his Sassenach reach out and caress the leaves of the various plants. She seemed to want to touch every one, torn between frenzy and delicacy as her hands moved everywhere. 

He could have watched her enjoy herself like this for days, completely uncaring of the people passing them by who were likely giving them queer looks. But he only had eyes for Claire. 

It struck him once again how fitting the name Sorcha was for her. She was truly becoming his light— brightening his whole world, his very existence. In comparison, his days before her seemed so empty. He felt oddly detached from that time before Claire, as if it was a different lifetime rather than several days ago. 

If he was certain of anything, it was that he couldn’t go back to living that minute existence. Not when he knew the joy that was loving her. 

Every time Jamie lost himself in such thoughts, he had to spend the next while talking himself off the ledge. This time was no different. As he watched Claire touch the plants (she’d moved on to the next bed by this point), he desperately tried to force his brain back to rationality. 

Okay, so ye love her. There’s no helping that. But for Christ’s sake, lad, keep yerself together. Ye’re the one person she has in the world. Ye canna be making declarations of love, that isna fair to her. 

It was the same words he told himself over and over. 

Ye can be her friend. That’s enough. 

But as he watched the awe and delight shining on her face that made his own brighten in answer, he felt like his heart was on his sleeve— on display for the whole world and aching with the yearning. 

God, he burned for her. 

He was shaken from his besottment by a worker approaching Claire. Protective instinct flaring, he took a few steps toward his faerie, meaning to put himself between them. The moment she noticed the young man beside her, she bolted to her feet, stumbling backward into Jamie. 

“Sorry, didna mean to startle ye,” the young man said to her. 

Jamie placed both hands on her shoulders, trying to still her and communicate that everything was alright. Sliding one hand down to her back, steadying, Jamie stepped up to her side. 

The worker lifted his hand to scratch a little awkwardly at the back of his neck. “It’s just that I couldna help but notice yer enthusiasm. Are ye a botanist yerself then?” 

Claire shot Jamie a look over, brows furrowed, and he quickly answered for her. “Nae, but it is a bit of a hobby for her.” 

The lad gave a nod. “Oh, very good. Well, I hope you enjoy yer visit. Dinna forget to check out our greenhouse.” 

Just as he was turning away to leave, Claire suddenly burst out, “This flower—” The young man turned around, following Claire’s point to a small patch of flowers, “the sobrach albannach…” 

He looked a little confused, but simply said, “primula scotia, or Scottish primrose. What of it?” 

“It’s getting too much water. It’s choking the life from the plant.”

The poor lad had no idea how to respond, completely taken aback. He stared at her open mouthed for a second, and then looked back at the plants, eyes narrowing in thought. Then, he stooped down to inspect them even closer. 

“Ye’re right,” he exclaimed in astonishment. He looked up at her with a smile spreading over his face, “thank ye.” 

Claire beamed, looking incredibly proud of herself, and Jamie couldn’t help but swell a little as well. 

“My pleasure. Do take care of them,” she said sweetly. 

With that, she slipped her hand back into Jamie’s and they walked away, leaving the worker to his Scottish Primrose. 

*

“How did you ken that?” Jamie asked once they were a fair distance away. 

“I can feel it, can’t you?” Claire answered matter-of-factly. She looked up at him in question, and Jamie shook his head. 

“We canna.” 

Claire gave a shrug, not particularly bothered. “Plants are the lifeblood of this earth. You have to care for them, treat them with respect.” 

That didn’t do much to answer Jamie’s questions, but he decided to let it go in favor of enjoying Claire’s company. They walked on for a while, Claire absorbed in the various flora. Since not all of it was native to Scotland, she would sometimes let out a squeal of excitement when discovering something new (though now she mostly stayed anchored to his side). It took the depths of Jamie’s botanical knowledge to try to provide her with insights about some of the ones with which she wasn’t familiar, but unfortunately that didn’t extend very far and the lass was left burning with curiosity. 

Curiosity was not exclusive to her, though. Jamie had been burning with questions about the faerie ever since he’d met her, and only little-by-little did he come to discover more about her. 

One unexpected incident brought an intriguing discovery. 

While they walked hand in hand through the gardens, their pace a leisurely stroll, they passed by a family of what appeared to be tourists. 

“Ven aquí*,” the mother (or at least that’s who Jamie assumed she was) shouted to her child, a little girl trailing a few feet behind with tears rolling down her face. 

“M- me quedo aquí,” the child cried in hitching sobs of agitation. Obviously she was having a bit of a meltdown. Jamie was familiar with the woes of tantrums from his nieces and nephews, and tried to lead Claire away. But his Sassenach remained rooted to the spot. 

“No tenemos tiempo para esto,” the mother shot back with exasperation in her weary tone as she waved a beckoning hand. 

“No voy a salir,” the girl’s voice was almost a scream now, her parents and siblings getting farther away. It seemed the mother was going to play the “I’ll leave without you” card. 

Claire’s eyes had gone wide and disturbed witnessing the exchange. She shot a look at Jamie, then back at the girl. To Jamie’s astonishment, she let go of his hand and walked straight up to the crying child. 

Kneeling down, Claire gently asked, “¿Qué pasó, querida? ¿Por qué no quieres ir con tu familia?” 

Jamie’s mouth dropped open. What the devil did she say? 

His brain was still trying to process Claire’s perfect accent and apparent fluency in Spanish when the girl replied with a hitching, “Se me perdió mi flor.” 

“¿Tu flor? Hay muchas flores aquí.” Claire responded gently. 

“Sí, p-pero ésta fue especial, y se me perdió y ahora no puedo encontrarla,” the little girl sobbed as she clutched her chest, her words coming out in a jumbled rush. 

“No te preocupes, podemos buscar juntas,” Claire replied in a soothing tone. 

Jamie was trying desperately to keep up with the situation and wondering how the hell Claire knew Spanish. He had no idea what she’d said, but in the next second, Claire was taking the little girl’s hand and walking toward an offshoot of the path, still speaking back and forth. 

Fearing a potential kidnapping scandal and not wanting to lose sight of his displaced faerie, Jamie scampered after her, calling, “Claire!” 

She looked back at him, halting, and gave him a smile, as if oblivious to the fact that she was about to run off with a strange child in tow. Apparently sensing his worry, she explained, “it’s alright, Jamie. I’m just helping her find her flower so she can leave with her family.” 

His rapid heart rate slowed exponentially. He was still struggling a little to grasp Claire’s apparent Spanish knowledge and wondering if somehow there were varieties of Hispanic fae that had ended up in Scotland, so he simply responded with a daft “oh.” 

It was at that moment that Claire’s head swiveled to a spot just behind Jamie and she let out an exclamation. She dropped the girl’s hand and darted toward a nearby flower bed. Jamie turned to watch as— with practiced ease— she plucked a flower from the bush. 

“Yo sé que no es la misma, pero esta flor es especial también. Es mi favorita. ¿Le gusta?” 

Claire stretched the flower out toward the little girl in offering. There was silence for a moment, then a cry of delight. The little girl suddenly ran forward and launched herself right into Claire’s arms, scooping up the flower from her hand and wrapping Claire’s neck in a hug all at the same time. The faerie laughed happily, giving the girl a pat on the back.  

With only a quick, “¡gracias!”, the girl was running after her family. 

“De nada,” Claire called after her with a blinding smile that only Jamie was privy to. (He’d take it. He’d take all of her smiles and hold them dear in his heart, even if he wasn’t the recipient.) 

Then— looking incredibly nonchalant— she straightened up, walked over to Jamie, and slipped her hand back into his. 

Left slightly flabbergasted from the whole situation, Jamie stayed motionless in the spot, looking down at her. 

Claire returned his gaze quizzically. 

“You— you speak Spanish?” Jamie asked after recovering his tongue. 

She nodded, casually, but didn’t expand.  

“So you speak English, Gaelic, and Spanish... Do fae speak more languages?” 

She looked at him with an indulgent smile, as if— of all the questions he’d asked her during their time together— this was the foolish one. “I speak hundreds of languages.” 

He boggled at this, turning a little so he could look at her better. 

“Human languages?” 

“Of course! And others.” 

“You astound me,” he breathed, “in- in the best way,” he hastily added. “Here I was thinkin’ I was impressive speakin’ Gaelic, English, and a wee bit of French.”  

She smiled brightly. “You are impressive, Jamie. You know how to do so much— things I could never imagine...” 

Jamie warmed all the way through at her praise, and gave her hand a slight squeeze. 

Though he was still burning to know more, this wasn’t the place for a 101 course on faeries. He took her hand and continued walking, essentially putting an end to that conversation. The visitors of the park were gradually filtering out, providing nice privacy as they strolled along, but he still didn’t want to risk it. He had to bite his tongue to avoid asking things that might prove problematic should others overhear. 

So they walked along, chatting about safer topics. Jamie tried to explain the purpose and function of a botanical garden, and Claire listened with rapt attention. As they strolled, though, she began to grow quiet. Claire drew closer to Jamie, her arm pressed against his, and no longer made moves to touch any of the plants they passed. 

The sun was just starting to go down, illuminating the path with a soft, golden light. When he looked down at Claire, he could see it reflecting off her curls, highlighting streaks of varying shades of brown. 

“Are ye tired, lass?” He asked after Claire had been particularly quiet for a bit. 

She gave a slight bob of the chin, and at her nod, Jamie led them over to a park bench. 

They sat down together, Claire pressing herself flush against his side. She wasn’t shivering— thank God— but she seemed particularly clingy.

“Thank you for today, Jamie,” she said softly, “I never could have done it without you. I… I actually had a great time.” 

Contentment swelled through Jamie. “I’m glad, mo nighean donn. And dinna mention it, I’m jes’ glad I could be wi’ ye.” 

“I mean it,” she looked up at him, eyes wide and earnest, “I don’t know where I’d be without you. Lost and alone…” 

A shudder ran through her, and Jamie felt an answering one of his own creep up his spine at the thought of Claire by herself. 

“I can’t thank you enough for what you’re doing for me,” she finished. 

“Ye dinna even ken….” he murmured, mostly to himself. He shook his head as his own thoughts overwhelmed him. 

“What don’t I know?” she prompted, and Jamie realized that he’d actually said it out loud. 

The way she was looking at him— those honey eyes soft and empathetic, making his wame twist into knots— he had to tell her the truth. 

“I was alone before you. I had my family, of course— my sister and brother-in-law and their children. But I went home to an empty house every night. Went through my routine, slept in the dark alone, and then did it all again the next day. Oh, Claire,” his voice caught in his throat, “ye turned my life upside down in the best way. I didna ken how much I needed you until suddenly I’d found ye. And I canna even imagine life now without ye in it…” 

His eyes were brimming with tears by the time he finished, and Sorcha was looking at him with the warmest expression. Almost… loving? 

“You have me now,” she whispered. Her wee hand raised up to his face, softly brushing over his jaw in one grounding stroke. 

But he didn’t. Lord help him for his greed, but he wanted her forever. As his own. 

He looked down at her and her hand stilled on his face, but she made no move to withdraw it. Jamie was breathing raggedly, feeling a pull toward her that took all his willpower to resist. Her face was tilted up toward him— so damn close— and the air felt thick and heavy. 

She never broke their locked gaze, just stared up at him warmly. Jamie knew his heart must be in his eyes. Surely she could see it? 

He found himself drifting just the slightest bit closer, his face tilting down… 

But he loved her too much to bridge the distance. 

So he froze there, completely under her spell and happy to be there, yet heartbroken by all the things he couldn’t allow himself to have. 

Claire seemed to notice the change in him, because she drew back a bit. She glanced down at her lap, then away from Jamie. If he wasn’t mistaken, there was a hint of pink gracing those high cheekbones. 

But surely that couldn’t mean anything… 

“It’s getting late,” he stated lamely. 

That snapped her attention back to him. “Please, let’s stay a little longer,” she pleaded. 

He could never say no to her. 

So there they sat, pressed close together. Claire took his hand again as the silence spread between them like a warm blanket— not stifling or awkward, simply the comfort of togetherness. Her hand had been in his all day, yet somehow the electric shock he got when he made contact with her never diminished.  

After a while, the sky began to show streaks of colors. The sun had fallen below the horizon, leaving a glow of pink and orange in its wake. From their vantage point on the bench, they could see the river, which reflected the colors in a brilliant display, like a second sky below. It couldn’t have been more perfect if Jamie had planned it himself. 

Claire’s head tilted toward him, leaning closer and closer until finally it was nestled on his shoulder. He squeezed her hand gently as his wame did the familiar flip-flop, not wanting to break the stillness but wanting her to know he was glad of her touch. They cuddled on that bench long after the sunset faded and the street lights blinked on. 

“Ye’ve had a long day,” Jamie murmured finally. He tilted his head down to look at her, and found her eyes were closed. “Let’s get ye home, lass.” 

She raised her head from his shoulder with slow reluctance, blinking her eyes drowsily.

Oh God, he loved her. 

“Ready to go, a nighean?” he asked her softly. 

She sleepily hummed, but gave no other response. He chuckled at her fondly, a rumble deep in his chest, and tucked an errant curl behind Claire’s ear. 

“Dinna fall asleep on me now,” he teased. 

Her eyes fluttered open then and regarded him with a look of pure innocence. “I’m not sleeping.” 

To prove herself, she got to her feet, but refused to let go of Jamie’s hand in the process. He followed her lead and stood up beside her. With that, he took her from the gardens and back out toward the car, his sweet lass occasionally swaying against him as they walked.

She seemed less drowsy by the time they made it to the parking lot, but the moment they were seated inside the car, she was draping herself over the cupholder and into his lap. 

His heart clenched with reminiscence of three days ago when he’d found himself in this exact position. How terrified he’d been then, so excited but bewildered, already entranced by the sweet faerie. He’d been in way over his head then, but now— now he was positively drowning in the intoxication of her. 

He never wanted to let her go.

***

Next

(See AO3 for notes and translations)

[carotidartistry]

COVID and the Arts

The existence of algorithm-driven, non-chronological "timelines" is very bizarre right now. On my Facebook feed, I see posts from March 10 talking about starting the second week of previews or celebrating good box office returns. On March 12, my job ceased to exist, as did the jobs of hundreds upon hundreds of people as an entire industry shuttered over the course of one day.

The cancellations and closing of events and arts/entertainment venues, while important for public health, have left many people (who earn on a gig basis rather than salary) very suddenly and entirely without expected income. There is no work-from-home option, just their job disappearing entirely. Some people will be able to collect unemployment insurance, but many won't even get that, as they work as independent contractors who are paid a fee for work delivered or vend their goods directly to customers at such events.

This is a tough time for arts/events organizations and those who work them (which includes not just artists but all of the ushers, custodians, etc. whose work is tied to the event itself). I'm compiling ways to support those who have been impacted (pass-the-hats for donating to individuals, funds that are accepting donations, ways to purchase people's goods/services, etc.) and resources for those who have been impacted. The industry community is coming together in a heartening way right now, but it would mean a great deal to me if those not in the industry could take a moment to glance through and maybe even to share this information. Even if you can't make any sort of donation yourself, it means something to have this hardship be seen and acknowledged.

Additionally, if you have tickets to events that have been canceled and don't immediately need your funds returned, I encourage you to wait a bit before reaching out to the theater/venue/etc.. Box office workers have been overwhelmed. And particularly if it was a ticket for a non-profit or grassroots organization, if it's possible, I'd encourage people to consider donating the cost of their ticket rather than demanding a refund.

While I'm aware that there are many people in many sectors taking a hit right now, I am putting my focus on where I am and would like to keep that the focus here. Please share any relevant updates, additional resources, etc..

Support Those Who Have Been Impacted

A general pass-the-hat for individual theatre workers (updated daily): I Lost My Theatre Gigs

“The Indie Theater Fund is launching this fundraising campaign to provide direct support and emergency relief to independent theaters and artists in response to the COVID-19 pandemic.” https://www.facebook.com/donate/509591526599992/509604039932074/

NYC Low-Income Artist/Freelancer Relief Fund: "We seek to provide support for low-income, BIPOC, trans/GNC/NB/Queer artists and freelancers whose livelihoods are being effected by this pandemic in NYC. Whether it's from cancelled gigs, lost jobs, or a lack of business due to coronavirus scares, we hope to orchestrate an egalitarian approach to crowdsourcing." [Note: their funding applications are currently closed as they make sure that they have enough resources to cover the 500 people who have already applied.] https://www.gofundme.com/f/nyc-lowincome-artistfreelancer-relief-fund

"The Philadelphia Performing Artists' Emergency Fund was created amid the COVID-19 outbreak to assist performing artists whose income has been impacted by show cancellations, slowing ticket sales, and/or low turnout during this pandemic." https://www.gofundme.com/f/philly-performance-artist-fund

"The Boston Artist Relief Fund will award grants of $500 and $1,000 to individual artists who live in Boston whose creative practices and incomes are being adversely impacted by Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)." https://www.boston.gov/artistrelief

Boston Music Maker Relief Fund: "Small grants of up to $200 will be paid rapidly on a first come, first served basis to affected artists and groups. Please see grant guidelines below. Donations will be accepted from individuals and corporations in order to replenish the fund and continue making payments to eligible music makers in the queue. The Record Co. is covering all admin/processing costs so 100% of every donation goes directly to music makers in the community. Please consider donating using the form below or contact matt@therecordco.org to get involved.": https://www.therecordco.org/relief

Durham Artist Relief Fund: "Funds donated here go directly to artists and arts presenters in Durham who have been financially impacted by cancellations due to COVID-19, with priority given to to BIPOC artists, transgender & nonbinary artists, and disabled artists": https://www.northstardurham.com/artistrelief

Emergency Relief Fund for Artists During COVID-19 (Minnesota): https://www.givemn.org/story/Epf3ag

Opera San José Artists and Musicians Relief Fund: “This emergency cash reserve will allow us to provide support to the musicians, singers, carpenters, stitchers, designers and other hourly company members that make our productions possible and who will be deeply affected by COVID-19.”: https://operasj.secure.force.com/donate/?dfId=a0nf400000QZ7hKAAT

A pass the hat for individual SXSW workers: "Update 3/10: We have received over 400 submissions - thank you! We are working diligently to verify each submission and get them posted. As of today, the total amount of reported income lost is $2,108,835. Your stories are heartbreaking but we know them all too well. We appreciate you, we see you, and we love you, Austin. Hang in there." https://www.ilostmygig.com/

2020 ECCC Artists Alley: An unofficial compilation of Eccc2020 artist alley online shops. Browse the goods of artists who won't have the opportunity to sell directly to their anticipated customers: https://ecccartistalley.tumblr.com/

Artists Alley Online:  A directory for some of the artists who would have been at Emerald City Comic Con (March 12-15, 2020) had it not been moved due to the corona virus.  https://artistalleyonline.com/

Shoutout to the theaters who have suspended performances but are still paying their artists in the interim. These have been reported to include: Ars Nova (https://arsnovanyc.com/), Geffen Playhouse (https://www.geffenplayhouse.org/), WP Theater (https://wptheater.org/), Soho Rep (https://sohorep.org/), Playwrights Realm (https://www.playwrightsrealm.org/), New York Theatre Workshop (https://www.nytw.org/), Rattlestick Playwrights Theater (https://www.rattlestick.org/), the McCarter Theatre (https://www.mccarter.org/), Parity Productions (https://www.parityproductions.org/), and Second Stage Theater (https://2st.com/).  (sources: https://twitter.com/diepthought/status/1238194781437734912?s=19, direct email from Second Stage)

More who have been named are the Public Theater (https://publictheater.org/), Transport Group (http://transportgroup.org/), Vineyard Theatre (https://www.vineyardtheatre.org/), and Lincoln Center Theater (https://www.lct.org/). (source: https://twitter.com/westratenick/status/1238847988262453248)

Please consider giving those organizations (and any others who are doing similarly) your support if/when you're able to.

Resources for Impacted Arts/Entertainment/Events Workers

Freelancers & Community Resources 2020: Resources centered for artists and those impacted by gigs being canceled/postponed: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xt1QZlGsyga_HrXagubV9O0rebV5dx4DuMOd2sWvWwc/edit

COVID-19 & Freelance Artist Resources: https://covid19freelanceartistresource.wordpress.com/

NYFA Emergency Resources: "Artists who experience personal hardship or who are impacted by a large-scale disaster, or who need funding for a last-minute opportunity can find critical resources in NYFA's Emergency Resources Directory.": https://www.nyfa.org/Content/Show/Emergency%20Resources

The Indie Theater Fund: "Rapid relief grants of up to $500 will be awarded to support our community, prioritizing the consortium of companies, venues, and individuals working in NYC independent theater (Off-Off-Broadway in theater houses of 99 seats or less), operating with budgets under $250,000. We will award grants on an on-going basis until our funds run out. Grants can be requested via a simple online application and will be reviewed on a first come first serve basis.”  https://forms.gle/pLm7bLhKQE8AbpDn6

Send your information to "I Lost My Theatre Gigs": https://ilostmytheatregigs.squarespace.com/

Philadelphia Performing Artists' Emergency Fund: Emergency Funds can be requested by any Cabaret, Drag, Burlesque, Theater, or performance artists facing a financial hardship caused by COVID-19. Performance artists who need aid can apply here: https://forms.gle/SwsMERPM1CTivFyc7

Boston Artist Relief Fund application: https://cityofbostonartsandculture.submittable.com/submit/af2153eb-2d87-4e9d-9ebc-5861eb135999/boston-artist-relief-fund

Boston Music Maker Relief Fund application: https://therecordco.typeform.com/to/w6wTkF

Durham Artist Relief Fund application: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdEJKTP91h5e7MuUITHj96J6eKWeZjgVLZjLG4Wp-WMhyQ4mg/viewform

SXSW workers send your information to "I Lost My Gig" here: https://www.ilostmygig.com/