#One of them gave me ptsd so there will be panic attacks

[whoatemyshoe]

Skipping an important party bc someone who emotionally abused me, another who emotionally manipulated me, and another who cheated on me, are attending too. I want to scream

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

Conrad's panic attack at the end of episode 3 but instead of Steven, reader goes after him. Maybe they no longer speak and had a huge falling out

Seeing that scene gave me so many flashbacks of scary times. When it happens, you sometimes don’t know what is happening and there’s so many things happening at the same time. I often get them at night. Waking up unable to breathe, heart palpitations, shaky legs and feeling so hot no amount of cold air makes me cool enough. Or during ptsd moments. 

Warnings: panic attack

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—

You were all gathered in front of the television, ready for a movie night. It happened one night filled the screen, a choice made by Belly, but no one was mad about it. Though the seating arrangements caused a few initial hiccups, everyone managed to find a comfortable spot. Belly and Taylor sat closely on the right end of the couch, Jeremiah and Steven on the left, and you occupied the middle. Conrad had the loveseat all to himself.

As the movie began, you couldn't help but steal a glance at Conrad, secretly wishing you were sitting beside him. However, things had changed between the two of you, and you hadn't spoken in months — not since the funerals. 

Beside Steven, Jeremiah's soft laughter echoed, reminding you of the good times you all used to share. It felt like a brief return to the past.

A few minutes in, Conrad’s phone buzzed, drawing your attention. His expression shifted as he read the message, the light amusement on his face falling, the movie now entirely forgotten. He quietly got up, trying to not disturb anyone, and left the house through the backdoor.

A sense of concern washed over you as you watched him go. You couldn't help but wonder what the message on his phone could have been and why it affected him so deeply. Your first thought was that it was about his mom, but Susannah was gone now. So, it was either school or his dad. 

Without hesitation or explanations, you stood and went after him. Steven opened his mouth to ask where you were going, but you ignored him. 

Forgetting about shoes, you let the door slam shut behind you, only thinking about Conrad. You hurried down the deck, seeing his figure walking down the beach in the darkness of the evening. The beach and the sea had always been a safe place for Conrad, he found the sound of crashing waves created soothing.

‘’Conrad!’’ you called out in the distance.

He didn’t turn or stop. He kept walking to the shoreline, his back was hunched as his breathing became rapid and shallow. Like he was struggling to find air. You saw him place a hand over his chest right before he stumbled and fell to his knees in the sand.

Your eyes widened with worry, and you could feel your heart racing. ‘’Conrad!’’ 

This time, you ran up to him. The sand was getting between your toes, a feeling you absolutely despised, but you ignored your own discomfort and focused on Conrad. You fell down on the sand beside him, saying his name again. 

Conrad looked up at the sound of your voice, his eyes wide with fear and vulnerability. His breaths were erratic, and it was clear he was struggling to regain control of the rising panic within him. His eyes were filled with distress, not understanding what was happening. 

‘’I-I can't breathe,’’ he managed to say, his voice trembling. ‘’My chest feels so tight, I—’’ 

Your heart sank as you realized what was happening. Conrad was having a full-blown panic attack. You should have guessed faster. You knew the signs all too well. They can be overwhelming and debilitating.

‘’You’re having a panic attack,’’ you explained calmly, gently placing a hand on his shoulder.

Conrad's gaze locked with yours, searching for some form of reassurance. ‘’Make it stop,’’ he stammered, his voice still shaking. ‘’Please, make it stop.’’ He clutched at his chest, gripping his shirt tightly, the air unable to pass through his lungs. 

You had been taught a few techniques to come back from a panic attack, but you figured the fastest one would work best on Conrad. 

You took his hand and put it over your chest. Conrad tried to push you away, but you didn’t let him. ‘’Follow my breathing.’’ 

It felt overwhelming to be touching you, to be so close to you. It made Conrad’s heart want to jump out of his chest. He tried his best to follow along, trying to focus on your breathing instead of how you made him feel. It was evident that he was struggling, but he made an effort to control his breaths, to follow your pattern. 

Gradually, Conrad's breathing started to stabilize, and his panicked expression softened. ‘’That’s it. Keep breathing with me,’’ you encouraged him, offering a sense of safety and stability in the midst of his distress.

As the minutes passed, the panic attack began to subside. Conrad's shoulders relaxed, and his grip on your arm loosened. The crashing waves provided a natural rhythm for his breath, and he started to find a sense of calm. 

Once he was in a better state, he looked at you with gratitude in his eyes. ‘’Thanks for…helping me,’’ he whispered, his voice still shaky but filled with appreciation.

‘’You don't have to thank me, Con,’’ you replied gently.

Con. You had not called him that in a while. It felt strange on your tongue. 

‘’I want to,’’ he insisted. ‘’If you had not followed me out here, I would not have known what to do.’’ Conrad looked down, brushing sand off his jeans. 

‘’Well, I’m glad to have helped you. I…I’m gonna go back inside, now. I know you don’t want me to be here.’’

His words had been harsh when he saw you arriving with Jeremiah yesterday. They stung, but you didn’t expect him to be happy to see you either. Not after your breakup at Susannah’s funeral.

‘’It’s not true.’’ Conrad lifted his head, but kept his eyes on the sea. ‘’I always want you to be there. Even when I say I don’t.’’ 

You looked at Conrad, surprised by his honesty and vulnerability. It was rare he would speak his emotions out loud. He was more of a bottling things up and rarely, if ever, expressing them kind of person.

‘’I'm sorry for what I said to you. For everything,’’ he said, feeling a pang of guilt in his chest. ‘’I never wanted to hurt you, but I did. I should have taken the hand you were holding out for me instead of ripping it off and seeking comfort in someone else's arms to hurt you enough that you'd hate me and go away.’’

As Conrad poured his heart out, you could see the pain and regret in his eyes. For once, he wasn’t pushing you away. He was opening to you and making confessions you never thought you would ever get. 

He kept going. ‘’No matter what I do or say, you'll always be there. Here.’’ Conrad clawed at his heart and then dropped his hand. ‘’You’re engraved in my heart, Y/N, and I can’t get you out. I tried. I tried really hard, but something always pulls me back to you.’’

You took a moment to process his words, then spoke. ‘’Have you ever heard of the Red string of fate?’’ Conrad drew his eyebrow together, so you continued. ‘’It’s an ancient legend that originated in East Asia. The legend speaks of an invisible red string tying two together those who are meant to meet, no matter how far apart they live or how different their lives are. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never break.’’

Conrad traced over your pinky, as if he was visualizing the red string there. ‘’Do you think this string is— that our string is tied to each other?’’ 

You looked down where he was touching you, feeling a slight shiver at his touch. You looked back up into Conrad's blue eyes. ‘’Maybe,’’ you replied, reaching out to gently touch his hand.

—

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[the-entitie]

COD men x K-9 Unit male reader

Part 1 | Part 2》》

A/n: I can speak three languages, only one of which borrow German words, so forgive me for shitty translations. I'm from the RSA, so you know. Not any of the boys hometown.

Reader works with a K-9 unit and his partner is called Mutt who is a mix breed of Alaskan Akita and Doberman(Mutt is also a service dog as reader has paranoia and C-PTSD). Readers call sign is Riot. The 141 boys needed help tracing a terrorist and John called in some favors to bring Riot and Mutt into the field. He helped the Los Vaqueros as well.

After the mission back at base, the reader interacts with the men, and they end up interacting with him.

Reader is referred to as you or Riot.

Mentions of panic attacks, anxiety attacks, C-PTSD, war, and / or war related violence. Unhealthy coping mechanisms, past trauma. Death of a family member. Torture, scars, and flashbacks.

Left: American Akita and Right: Long-haired Doberman

John Price: (740 words)

-He met you first, saw you first. Hell, he verified your file so he knew of your old teammates that turned because of the torture, and he knew of the many years you spent MIA. He also knows what you did to get out. So he keeps you close and keeps an eye on you. He's the one who needs to clear you for this recon mission. It will be his fault if another team mate goes rogue. -It only take him a few minutes to see how much you actually relay on Mutt, it takes him days to see its not reliance, no the two of you act in a cemented trust between you two. From the interactions at home base to the way you both move like a well oiled machine on the field, it doesn't take a genius to see that Mutt is a deadly force with training that makes the hound that much more dangerous. Price comes face to face with that realization when he sees just how far Mutt can throw a soldier four times their size. And Mutt came up to his thighs, mind you. -Time and space are all Price really needed to trust you completely. He knew how you acted with Mutt, and therefore, he knew how you would act around a team you trust. It doesn't take him long to see its not only Mutt who reacts to you. You react just as much based on your K-9. Price nearly shoots you when you call out to Mutt because you didn't whistle for the hound. You howled, and he could hardly tell it apart from the wild dogs he's heard out in the desert. He didn't even understand what the fuck you where doing until he heard something answer you, in the same rumbling call. It took a lot more time to get used to those kinds of noises from you. He could expect them from Mutt but not when it's you who makes them -Both of you were exhausted, been about three long days on your feet with little sleep, that's when he asks you how you make the sounds Mutt does. Hell he even starts trying to learn them just to know how you and you K-9 partner work better. "So I just cup my hands and what now Riot? I Grunt?" "No," you laugh at him, he doesn't feel patronized by it, "you hold your hands around your mouth and just bark, makes it echo like a dog." He sounded more like a mountain lion then canine when he actually gave it a try. You teach him how to pitch it up a bit, and how to drag the call out properly. "And you don't use your hand because?" "Because I'm used to it, and can make the 'echo' without my hands. I still do when I howl. Look." A few nights pass before he uses it to scare a tango shitless out side of the enemy base. He doesn't admit it but he likes 'talking' to the local wild dogs with you. He even enjoys hearing you and Mutt go off at each other because it means your both alive and still here. -Out side of the field and when you two go out to roam the town at the dead of night, he comes to see that the canine noises you and Mutt share gives you peace. The kind he used to find in cigars and smoke. He gets it, he knows that some people just have a vice. When you find him smoking alone behind his own home, he shrugs it off and blames it on the smoke detectors. He doesn't say that he stops to make your K-9 more comfortable in his home. He doesn't stop smoking but he tries to avoid it for your sake. You only corner him around a day or so to thank him. He won't admit to the red flaring up on his ears, but he tells you to drop it. -If he's ever the one who finds you when your having an attack, he will guard you. Get you safe and comfortable then he will become a gruff mother bear and be completely over protective of you. He only calms down when he sees that Mutt already does that, and he learns what can help you, what to look out for. He won't admit it though.

Simon 'Ghost' Riley: (734 words)

-Ghost didn't like you at first. or well he doesn't like anyone actually but he didn't like you. -You had a dog breed that was originally made for bear bating and he hated that he knew that. Even if you didn't get the hound because of that. Well, that and Mutt is constantly muzzled. It took you explaining it was required by law for him to try and ignore it. -But when he watches how fluidly you and Mutt work together, even seeing the raw fucking power that dog has when Mutt tackled an enemy to the ground, he starts to understand why you have to keep Mutt muzzled. Even if he didn't like it. -Simon has an ex-military dog at home so he knows how to act around an active working dog. He's the best to be around if you don't want people petting or trying to do anything really with your K-9 partner. -when at the base afterwards he sees that the dog isn't just a working dog but acts like you service dog. Everything from crowd control to doing small tasks for you on the daily. To siting between your legs when you have your back to anyone when doing a task to protect you. Mutt will even start doing this quiet sort of 'rueff' sound that will make you get out of where ever you are without any fanfare, you will just disappear. -He only finds out why a lot later. He feel kind of stupid for missing it after the fact. -Its the scars that cross your back and over your shoulders, the hitches of thick skin around your jaw. You are a torture survivor. So suddenly he gets it. Mutt is your safety, the dog wears a muzzle because your K-9 partner is also a person protection dog. -After he realized the why you stick to your partner so closely, he would begin to help Mutt protect you. He would stand ahead of you when Mutt would lay down to create space (crowd control). Ghost would watch your back and react with your partner to help you. -He takes his mask off when you two are either alone or when your are forced to show your scares he shows some of his to help you feel more comfortable. -you start to notice it, and at first you would try to stop him but eventually you just start protecting him back. You become more comfortable around him. Simon notices it to. -One day after a few days straight of being on your feet, both you and Simon end up passed out in his private quarters. Ghost wakes first to see Mutt cuddle against you and draped across him, when ever he tried to move the dog, they would just growl and to his utter amusement you growled back. -After that he gets you to 'talk' to Mutt any time he can, even on missions. - Ghost was the one who told you and Mutt to bark at each other to distract the enemy when on a recon mission. "Copy Riot, we need an in" "Need an in, copy. Any ideas for that L.t?" "Yeah, Riot go off and make some noise with Mutt" "Seriously?" "Yip, get going we need that data" You two got in, and yes you did start howling back and forth with Mutt in the echo trick wolves use. The enemy thought they were surrounded by cayotes. -When you eventually cuddle up with Ghost again, and Mutt yips or growls at you and you make the noise back, Simon will growl at you. It becomes a games between you to, even doing it as call outs outside of coms. Soap complains about wild dogs once and now Simon will get Mutt vocal just to fuck with Soap. -he starts calling you dog related nicknames, your name doesn't exist anymore. Call sign? only when necessary. You are now called with doggie names. He'll call out a, "Heh, Good boy" "Come on puppy you can speak" when you go dark on coms, or just when you don't answer him. Yes he will also say things like, "What ever you say Fido" -He makes you swear to never tell a soul that he also barks back at Mutt when you two are off duty. You caught him coping a growl when playing with Mutt once. -He gets Mutt and his las to meet. Now he also makes dog sounds with you on his down time, even without you much to his old girls delight.

John “Soap” Mactavish: (616 words)

-He loves your K-9 partner from the first time Price introduces you to the team, sure he tries to be professional but the second you let Mutt go off to play out of gear he just wants to give the hound so many pets. They are just so big and have that cute angry tilt to their face! Can you blame him. -when out on the field, he loves running with two of you on missions. The adrenaline and rush and just how much faster you two are than him. He loves it. -You end up doing it with him outside of missions after a while. Hiking out in mountains and secluded valleys, it's the first time he hears you howl with Mutt. The coyotes had started, yipping over whatever they killed lower down the ridge. Mutt, who was a few paces head, had paused to howl, without thinking you howl with them. Scares Soap but he just finds it fun. -Soap being so in love with Mutt leads to just being around you a lot. He starts learning what certain movements mean to you and your dog, how a sharp left with your hand was a call to draw back or how the shift of your stance meant to take the lead. It amazed him how well you read each other. -Then he sees how you act outside of the field, how Mutt still acted like a protector, and you kept mimicking the sounds Mutt made. Especially when you were more tired. He found it cute. Hell, he loved playing with Mutt, so when you made the hound more excited, he also got just as if not more excited. -Soap loves head scratches you find out when you two are off duty and hanging out. He's on the floor with Mutt and the hound he's cuddling wines before you reach down to comfort the dog with head scritches. You miss and pet Soap instead, beside being completely flustered, he asked you to do it again.  He just starts asking you to do it more and more before you start petting him the same way you pet over your hound. -Now you start with the dog related nicknames, even over coms. Much to Soaps embarrassment and the teams delight. He nearly buckles the first time you call him a good boy, and he does when you call him a good dog. Blames it on a miss step. -He loves, loves, loves listening to you, and Mutt yap back and forth, loves even more when you go to rough houses with growls and even try pining you down one. He fails, but he doesn't care. -Soap only catches one of your attacks when it's about sun down. You're both at his place standing in the kitchen when your shoulders suddenly hitch, but you continued on as normal. Until Mutt wandered over to you, they stopped dead before making a gruff noise and jumping up onto you. Instead of getting you secluded because, of course, the hound sees Soaps house as a safe space. And Mutt will get you down, force you to sit and lower your head. "Woh, n'er knew em ta jump? Wait shit. ROIT!" He'll be right there next to you, knows what to do because of Ghosts episodes on recons. "What's it, lad? What can I do ta help 'im?" -You don't really talk about it. Sure, you explain what it was and why Mutt did that, but not the why it happened. It takes a while to admit that the scares you hide are the reason for that attack. He gets it he does, and now? Mother fucker will do dumb shit to distract you, or just talk and talk and talk. It helps, he knows it helps.

König: (764 words)

-Being a sniper, he likes the added security, the extra eyes to help watch his back. Sure, he doesn't trust you per say but he tries to be friendly none the less. -He had no idea what Mutt was trained for until he saw the both of you take down someone who made it to his vantage point. He saw how you moved like Mutt was an extension of yourself, that's how you earn his respect. -König didn't know why you had so many commands for Mutt, but most of them were cues or just situational. Most of all, the verbal commands you use are in Russian and Dutch so he can understand some of the tasks you ask Mutt to do . It kind of scares him that Mutt would know which trail was a friend and which person wasn't. He stands by that fear when he watches you set them off on a run away target. -He will only admit to himself that both you and Mutt look way to good covered in the gore from that attack. -You had to explain that that kind of training meant your partner had to be muzzled. You both get to talking that night, swapping stories of close calls, and König shyly showed you the star splattered scar on his jaw. Lifting his hood up just enough to see it before hurriedly drooping it back down. You share a few of the worse days you had as a call in search and riot guard and snippets of the scars covering your throat. -Habits begin forming. König will be a silent wall between you and crowds while Mutt would start alerting to his anxiety attacks as well. You made a joke about borrowing Mutt to him on the days off. He didn't understand the first time Mutt barked at him in a weird gruff tone before jumping up and doing it again. It's when you get him secluded and safe that you explain it to him. "Its called signaling. They can tell you when these things are going to happen or are actively happening. " "So it's to let me know?" "Yeah, for me, it's when I'm going to either for a flash back or when my paranoia forces me into a panic attack." "Flash back?" "Yes, remember that sister I told you about." -It took days for you to actually relay that story to him. How your team abandoned you, how the enemy held your sisters head above your bloody form. You explained how that caused phantom pains or flashbacks and how crippling that can be some days. -He becomes your solace after that. He would be there when you needed it. Keep people away when you couldn't look at anyone. He even began listening to Mutts alerts. He even lets you help him through the easier ones. -König called you one night when you both were off for the next few days. You could tell by the shake on his breath what was happening before he could tell you. That was when you showed him how Mutt does decompression therapy, the hound big enough to help ground him. You stayed that night, even teaching König some of the commands you use to tell Mutt how to help you. He's quick to learn them as some phrases are Dutch that you use so he can catch the meaning of some commands. -You don't call him until a long while later. It's on a mission while you two are hunkered down after a botched extraction. Or well, Mutt calls him. "Riot? Are you, Oh Scheiße! 「Shit」" "wat 「what」, ag. What can I do? Dir helfen 「Help you」, how can I help. Please let me help you. " -He ended up holding how so you couldn't hurt yourself in these attacks. It didn't feel as entrapped as you thought it would. König is so much bigger than you, but it's like he makes a physical barrier between you and the world. He helps your partner make you feel safe. It's hard to explain to anyone why your panic attacks act like that, why your mind needs pain to calm from feeling like you're dying. König will explain how his attacks can feel suffocating, and that's why his jaw and throat are so bruised most days. -Between one mission and the next, you start showing off things you and Mutt can do to him, like Mutt retrieving throne knives or how the hound can trace any sent it knows for miles. -You only bark back at Mutt one night when trapped in a safe house. Neither of you could find each other, and mutt had run off

Alejandro Vargas: (720 words)

-Learning of the terrorist stationed so close to los vaqueros' home base, Alejandro was quick to reach out. The 141 had helped him before, so he was surprised to learn of the newer recruit they called in to help them. Alejandro told Price to just bring you along. They needed the extra help honestly, as much as he refused to trust any of 141 purely on principle. They needed the help. -He met you with Ruddy on the roof of the office building, and he asked the polit to land on. When you dropped from the helicopter with the others. Mutt held to your chest before being deposited on the ground. He's seen how some of the other search and rescue units who have K-9's, but he's never seen anyone who works with their hound like you do. Alejandro is both grateful and terrified to have you fighting with him.  -Seeing you and Mutt outside the field was even more intriguing. How the two of you reacted perfectly to each other, he saw a bit of himself and Rudy in the way you two work like a well-oiled machine. He tried to play nice, be kind and calm, but when shit hit the fan? He drops it. Its only been a week before you use the recall command on Mutt to level the man they needed to interrogate. Both of you were forced to hunker down in a safe house, Alejandro making the bound man walk with little success. He asked for your help not long after the son had dipped down.  "Think he will talk?" "Not willingly if that file you circulated was true." "Any ideas?" "You aren't scared of loud noises, are you?" "Not really, why?" -When you said you could help, this isn't what he was expecting, but it was working. You had taken to standing behind the tied down guy, and whenever Alejandro could sound even remotely frustrated,  you would call out to Mutt before the dog would lunge with a snarl or harsh bark. Scared the man shitless, and he would mumble about 'de-ablo' or 'deamons' on and off. When things got too harsh, or either of you were cornered, he watched in equal parts horror and delight as you let Mutt cull those surrounding you all. Watch as you both kill together just as well as you work together. -It eventually became a joke, the whole you being a dog or sounding like one. Even when the two of you left the safe house. Hell, he started talking to you like he would your dog. Started to tease you with the same command you used on your hound. "Come on, Roit, I know you can beg better than that." "Here, cachorro cachorro cachorro [puppy puppy puppy]!" "Such a good boy, you want a treat?" "There we go, Good perro. Now sit for me." Even saying he kept treats for when you were especially well behaved. If you didn't also start laughing along he wouldn't have kept doing it and actually started keeping 'treats' on hand for you on the late nights you two would just talk on and on about nothing and everything. -Being back at the base and left to your devices, he started asking about everything Mutt could do. He would ask if you could also do the tricks and inquire about the ones you could. "Wait cariño, you can howl?" "Yeah. Wanna hear me?" "Oh more than anything." "hhhm, maybe I'll do it later." "I'm happy to beg you, but I think you would sound better begging me, cariño." "I don't beg Alejandro." "You will. And you'll sound so good doing it." "Try me," -He loved hearing you talk to Mutt. Just waiting up at night to listen to the back and forth of barking and yips that echo across the open land. Whether from far away or not, he loved it. -Alejandro is the worst when either of you get hurt. He is the worst flirt, and he lays the dog related teasing on twice as thick. Not only is Rudy swearing him out in broken Spanish, but you don't help either. Doing anything to help him stay conscious or playing along to distract yourself from the pain. Even Mutt begins to see him as safe.

More COD Boys x K-9 unit reader 》》》》

[r0-boat]

mother to a werewolf child

Head cannons for my dilf werewolf OC being the father of your kid.

Feat. The cannon ship kid with reader: Forest.

Sfw

Cw: babies, being pregnant, mental health struggles, PTSD, anxiety, hurt/comfort, domestic life in the woods, baby fever, uhh brief non graphic description of birth.

[Author's notes: Forest was created because I thought it would be fun for me to give you a ship kid with my OC. Forest is the only one that's Canon if you ever want to kid. They canonically look like the with reddish hair. so they can be anything you want, and they can be any gender you want too]

Cole is heavily damaged by the trauma that his ex-wife gave him after she had kids with him, so for some reason, the Deep anxiety is telling him that you will soon leave him too. Before his ex left him, when she found out he was a werewolf and he never saw his children again, he cut all contact with her in exchange of her not letting out his secret to everyone she knows.

He wanted to have a child with you. All he wanted to be was a father, but now here you are pregnant, and he's having a panic attack. Silently in his wolf form, he whimpered underneath furniture just enough for his big size. When you tried talking to him he almost didn't recognize you snarling and almost biting you but you wouldn't leave your husband and the father of your child alone. You gently stroked his head as the whining slowly stopped. He apologized for the outburst as a man he knows he should be much stronger than this and he also apologizes for almost biting you.

The pregnancy for the werewolf child was rough. You swore it was almost as if you were turning into one yourself, and your cravings for meat only intensified into raw game meat. Cole was happy to provide his instincts once again, tapping into the urge to provide for his hungry spouse with the child in their tummy. Your hormones are out of control, and you're physically weak. This child is sapping all of your strength.

Your husband, before this point, said his favorite thing to do when the chores were completed was sit down on the couch and watch TV with a beer. He stepped up, he vowed to take care of everything, he cleaned the house how you would clean it, he did everything and more. As much as he'd hate it if his side gig for hunting weren't bringing enough to feed you, he would go back and work driving hours to the nearest small town and work any job they would give him.

He has never felt like this before, and honestly, he loves it. The feeling of being relied on always felt oddly comforting to him. Maybe that's just his werewolf instincts he'd never know. It was tiring. But it was all worth it seeing your smiling face as you finally try to muster your strength to get out of bed. This inhuman child demanded so much of your energy. The person who gave you that beautiful demon spawn was at your beck and call. Cole, in the future, what, annoyingly uses this as an example of what masculinity should be. Men give it their all to take care of their wives.

One night, two crooks broke into your house, and before they could do anything, once they found you helplessly on your shared bed, your husband found you. In danger and potential, Danger got flashbacks to how his ex found him as a werewolf protecting her, and he lost it. He could have killed them that night if it weren't for him holding himself back as the Intruders ran shit scared. He held you tightly, his hand, your stomach, calming himself down. " so what's that like?" You ask. Call scratched his scruffy chin before answering, "It's hard to explain, but it's like having tunnel vision. All I could think about was you being hurt, as if I was in the moment. All I could see was you being hurt and pure anger."

Cole, with nowhere else, put you to deliver the child. He had to call a person who knew how to do it his mother. A werewolf just like him, a kind, gentle red-haired lady. You had met her before and she knew you were the right one and before long you had a wonderful child.

When Cole held his child in his arms, he had flashbacks to win. He had to bust his ass to make sure you were well and fed throughout your pregnancy, and he cried tears of joy. Never once would he forget and regret that day

Forest was... Wild they are intelligent and learn very quickly; however, raising them was like having a little puppy with the intelligence of a human child. However, your dumbass husband was prepared. You had to double-take when you saw the plastic bag with the PetSmart label on it.... it worked... as long as Forest wasn't chewing on the furniture.

Forest in their wolf form looked exactly like their father, albeit with a more brownish-red tint from dad and with one floppy ear.

Cole was beaming with pride he swears it won't be like the last time he'll protect Forest with his life. Cole, we'll teach them everything they know how to find edible plants and hunting. Father and child running through the forest feeling the wind in their fur with you on Cole's back traveling to a small creek to play in the cool water need to go home and fall asleep in Cole's arms snuggling you close, lovingly protectively

[bonny-kookoo]

I like u couple is so cute!!! Has mc met any of jk's exes? Like maybe even saw them around randomly? How did that go? Really curious how jk became the way he was at the start of their relationship

A/N: Warnings for potentially triggering content. Mentions of suicidal thoughts (VERY brief mention), PTSD.

"Oh, Jungkook?" A voice asks, and he wants to just get swallowed by the ground below. He really doesn't want to deal with her right now or ever- but mostly because he's not sure if he's capable of really dealing with it yet.

If he will ever be able to.

"Oh it is you! My god-" his ex smiles, visibly stunned by his appearance in the store. "-You.. wow. You changed a lot. How are you?" She asks, and and Jungkook can't help but let his tongue run over his piercings. They're new- she's never seen any of the by now two of them. Neither has she ever seen his new tattoos, now all colored and bold, and neither has he ever been this good in shape.

"I'm good." He nods, a bit tense, and she nods, her eyes familiar but also terrifying to him. He's scared of her. Not because she could physically hurt him right now or ever-

But because she hurt him emotionally, and he knows that's something she's probably still capable of, if he lets her.

"Listen.. I know we kind of ended on a bad note, and I'd.. I felt bad ever since." She apologizes, biting her lip, before she pulls out her phone. "Can we maybe talk? I want to at least.. I don't know, explain myself to you. Explain why you.. kind of made me feel like I had to break up, you know?" She says, and he feels his throat clog up as if he's having a panic attack.

He can't bring himself to tell her no. He's never been able to.

"And hey, it probably was good to take a break- I mean look at you!" She giggles almost excitedly. "You look like you finally grew up to be a man!" She laughs, and he's hurting again.

It's always been like that, even back then. Whenever she was happy, he wasn't. It was as if only his misery brought her joy.

"Still quiet though.." she teases, leaning in to catch his gaze as he's looking down. Maybe it's the fact she's older than him. Maybe she's always been intimidating to him. Or maybe he just felt like prey in her claws, her personality leaving him no breathing room. She's confident after all-

Wait. You're confident too. Why are you never making him feel like that?

You're just as bold, just as loud, just as confident. And yet, he never feels so suffocated like he does right now with her. You never make him feel pressured, or caged in, or as if he's cornered.

He feels free with you. He feels at ease. Soft. Alive.

When everything she's ever made him feel was the wish to be dead.

He takes a step back, breathes in, finally finds her gaze. "I don't want to." He says, and it's visible in her entire posture and face that she's taken aback. "And yeah- the breakup.. was good for me. It.. gave me time to heal." He nods to himself, as if he has to hype himself up to keep going.

Her brows lower. Her eyes become serious. He feels his confidence crumble.

"Kookie! I finally found one that fits-" you chirp, stopping for a second, sensing the tension. "Oh." You say.

"Oh." She says at the same time, clearly surprised.

It's now that Jungkook realizes the difference between you and her. You're colorful, vibrant, sparkling like a gemstone, happy and most of all-

Honest. In every word you say, everything you do.

"Awesome. Let's go pay for it and then get something to eat." He tells you, suddenly feeling energized again, as if your presence suddenly put armor on him. You're here. She can't hurt him if you're here.

"I see." She says, chuckles to herself as she looks you up and down. "Interesting choice." She bites. You laugh.

"Could say the same. You sure that top fits?" You giggle, before you take Jungkook's hand, making him grin, dimples showing.

And right there, between cheap jewelry and discount clothing is where he leaves her, his past, and his fears.

Walking out the store.

Together with you.

[strlingsav]

Disclaimer: I am not an expert when it comes to PTSD, did my research on it though. Feel free to correct any issues you see with it.

Remedy

– Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader

— You comfort Simon during a panic attack.

Warnings: Mentions of PTSD, panic attack, hyperventilating (overall may be triggering if you experience PTSD or related symptoms), violence. Explicit/triggering content under the cut. Read at your own risk.

You didn't hear Simon return, but you snapped to consciousness when a glass shattered. You sat up, rubbing your eyes as you pulled your hair out of your face.

You yanked the covers off, legs swinging out of bed. You saw the light of the kitchen from under your bedroom door. It was pouring rain, violently hitting your window. Lightning lit up the bedroom, thunder shaking the house.

Cautiously, you stepped toward the door. You were sure it wasn't an intruder, but you couldn't be absolutely certain, and that made your stomach sink. Simon hadn't said anything about coming home, and he usually woke you when he arrived.

You reached the handle, the door creaking open, and you looked out, seeing Simon, his back to you, seated at the table. He was still in his uniform.

You sighed with relief, opening it further and walking over to him. You stopped in your tracks when you saw glass on the ground, and an amber liquid sliding down the wall.

"Simon?" You asked, inching closer.

He didn't answer, even when you moved around to stand before him.

"Are you okay? When did you get back?" You squinted, your eyes still sensitive to the light.

He barely lifted his head, bags under his eyes. His eyes were bloodshot, and the glare he gave you was bone-chilling. He was breathing quickly, strangled breaths coming out as he tried to speak.

"Sorry, bout the glass. Didn't mean t' wake you."

"Don't be sorry," You breathed, kneeling before him. "Can I touch you?"

He nodded.

Your hands settled on his thighs, urging him to look at you.

"What's wrong, baby?"

He breathed in, his exhale shaky.

"The thunder," He said, his head falling back. "It-fuck." His knuckles were white, clenching his fist so hard you were sure he'd drawn blood.

"That's okay. Take some slow, deep breaths. You're here with me."

He nodded. "I'm tryin'," He said. "Just-"

He clenched his jaw.

His shirt was soaked with sweat.

You held onto his hand, thumb rubbing over his skin as you breathed in and out slowly.

Simon had had episodes before, PTSD attacks. You were still familiarizing yourself with his triggers- he hadn't let you near him during his attacks for the first few years of your relationship, the resentment of being so vulnerable made it harder to work through. You were certain that whatever he saw when he closed his eyes was worse than going without sleep for days.

He exhaled again, his fist still closed as he rested his hand on the table. He had a hundred-yard stare, eyes focused on the wall behind you. You saw the sweat gathering on his brow, soaking his hair. He was sheet-white and shaking.

"You should get back to bed," He said, turning his head.

Even through his suffering, he only cared about you. Your happiness, your safety, your health. It made you irrationally angry yet simultaneously smitten.

"I'm not going to bed without you," You spoke in a soft voice, trying to remain calm and quiet.

He grunted in response, his breathing still too fast for your liking.

Looking around, you spotted the glass that he had shattered.

"That was one of my favourite glasses," You teased. "You're buying me a new one."

"Never liked it anyways."

"Is there anything in this kitchen you do like?" You giggled softly.

He had a habit of starting things and not finishing them, mostly due to deployment but also in true male fashion. He'd promised to renovate the kitchen, claiming it was old and outdated. The house had been without cabinet doors for almost a year now.

"Particularly fond of the whisky," He looked at you.

"I figured," You grinned. "I'm happy you found the shelf I put together for you. You do have to share it with me, though."

"Woman after my own heart."

His breathing had slowed, and he looked a bit more alert now, his hand gripping yours. He was no longer fixated on the wall, and his eyes had softened.

You knew that your ribbing, however pointless, would help him take in his surroundings, bring him back to reality. His episodes thus far were usually fleeting, only a few minutes before he was coherent.

"Would you leave me if I only drank tequila?"

He screwed his nose up. "In a heartbeat. Can't have a woman that drinks that dog piss."

You let out a laugh, and he gave a small grin, which would've gone unnoticed if you weren't around him as much as you were.

He had seemingly calmed down, colour returning to his cheeks. His shaking had stopped, and he was leaning toward you, hand cupping your cheek, eyes drifting between yours.

A deep sigh came from his lips.

"Couldn't get rid of me if you tried, sweetheart."

"You can't sweet-talk your way out of buying me a new glass."

"Wouldn't dream of it," He said. Looking past you, he stared at the mess in the floor. "Should clean it up," He groaned.

"Leave it, I'll get it in the morning."

He didn't fight you in that, thankfully. Usually he would put up a fuss, but he seemed to be so exhausted he didn't have much room for arguing.

You stood to your feet.

"Let's go to bed."

"Better shower first, reckon I smell."

"A little, but I won't hold it against you."

"Come with me?" He asked.

You nodded, taking his hand as he stood to his feet.

You helped him strip out of his clothes, unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it off his body. Your eyes crawled over every scar and mark on his chest and torso. He was drenched in sweat, his whole body glistening. You felt the heat emanating off of him. He kept his eyes on you, admiring the way you looked him over.

He yanked the belt from his pants, stepping out of them.

You turned on the shower, warm water beginning to steam up the bathroom. You lifted your shirt over your head, taking your shorts off next. In the haze, he found your eyes, his hand on your waist, grounding him. He'd never experienced anything like what you gave him; unquestionable love, freedom, a life worth more than what the military offered. It made him feel valued, like he had a chance at being worthy of you.

He sighed with relief when the warm stream hit him, his shoulders relaxing when he felt you touch him. His arms reached out, fingers on your waist as he pulled you close. You let your head settle on his chest, listening to his breaths as you stood together, in the embrace of the water.

He tilted your jaw to look at him, and once your eyes connected, he craned his neck to press his lips against yours.

It was a simple peck, at first. A thank you, expressed in the best way he knew how. You stood on your toes, your hand sliding around his shoulders, and took his bottom lip between yours. Another kiss, more passionate than before, that said you were there, permanent.

He didn't let you go, engulfing your lips in his. You whimpered softly; you missed the way he felt against you, the way his lips fit perfectly with yours. His rough hands on your waist made your stomach flutter, your heart pounding in your throat as he caressed you.

His hands slid to your ass, grabbing at it softly- testing the waters. Exhausted or not, he missed your body, your voice, and he was more than willing to sacrifice sleep for it.

When a soft moan slipped from your throat, he took the opportunity to dig his fingers into your flesh. You shivered with anticipation, sliding your tongue into his mouth.

He grunted, his calloused palms riding up to your hips, ushering you against the wall. He dropped to one knee, hoisting your leg over his shoulder.

"Simon, you don't have t-"

He looked up at you, "I need to taste you, sweetheart. Been far too long."

You nodded, "Okay."

He pressed his lips to your hip bones, and you nearly melted- his soft tongue gliding over your skin. Nothing warmed you inside and out like his mouth. Your palms pressed flat against the shower wall, the cool tile keeping you mostly grounded, reminding you to breathe, to stand still.

He kissed your inner thigh softly, reaching your pussy before his tongue dove between it, hitting your clit. Your hips jerked forward, letting out a soft gasp. He had your thighs in a vice-grip, unable to bend or break in his hands.

He paid attention to your body, lightening his touch even though he wanted to devour you- to fill your head with nothing but pleasure, not a single thought about anything else.

Your shaky hand reached out, fingers diving into his hair, grasping ever so slightly. He groaned against your core, the vibration sending a tingle through your spine.

He looked up, his lips engulfing your clit and sucking gently. He savoured the sight of you, head tilted back, chest rising and falling with your deep breaths, body glistening under the water.

"Missed the taste of this pussy," He mumbled, mouth still pressed against you. He watched your cheeks flush, your pleasure flourishing under his praise. "So fuckin' good."

You panted, your hips mindlessly grinding against his tongue as he flicked it over your clit. He listened to the sounds of his efforts; your sweet voice, calling his name- it spurred his desire tenfold.

His finger grazed your entrance, teasing you with the idea for a moment, before ending your misery and sliding his thick finger inside of you. The silky flesh of your pussy welcomed his finger with the slippery juices inside you.

He felt the familiar fluttering, the shaking in your voice, your pussy squeezing around his finger, and continued his ministrations.

"Go on, cum, sweetheart. Miss that beautiful face."

You sighed deeply, your abdomen burning as your climax built quickly. You felt yourself getting weaker, your body focusing all its energy into your orgasm.

Letting out a strangled moan, your body tensed when you came, his tongue and finger extending the longevity of your climax. You writhed against his face, jerking when he ran over your clit.

He stood to his feet, towering over you again. He lifted your leg, urging you to lift the other while he lifted you to his waist.

"This alright?" He asked.

"More than alright," You breathed.

Your hair was disheveled, the wet strands sticking to your skin. You were still flushed, your body still weak from your orgasm. It had been a long time since you'd had one, and the first release was like taking a sip of water in a drought.

He pressed the tip of his cock to your entrance, your head falling to watch as he slid inside you, jaw dropping as you watched his cock disappear. You groaned, listening to him suck in a deep breath.

"I missed you, Simon," You said, lips attaching to his neck. "So much."

He thrusted a couple times, slow and calculated movements to get himself coated in your juices, before he sped up his pace. Your lips were stopped in the process, clinging to his jaw as he drove his cock into you, actively hitting your clit with his pelvis. You shivered, overstimulated but wanting more, desperately.

"Missed you even more, love," He breathed, nose against your jaw.

Your fingers hooked under his arms, grasping at his shoulders as he rounded his hips, plunging inside you, just barely skimming your cervix. It nearly knocked the air from your lungs, and your fingers grasped at his back, desperate to be closer to him.

Your fingers reached for your clit, circling the bundle of nerves as he massaged your insides. He was nearly gasping, watching you writhe and shake on his cock as you rubbed your clit.

You threw your head against the wall, eyes squeezing shut, your hand reached out flat for balance as he readjusted, lifting you up higher. The new angle drew a gasp from your lips, his cock buried against your G-spot, fingers still working your clit.

"My beautiful girl," He cooed, hands squeezing the backs of your thighs.

You leaned forward, your hands clinging to his jaw. Your lips were inches from his, relishing in the moment of intimacy, the pleasure that coursed from your core to every other part of your body.

You didn't have a moment to respond when your clit began to tingle, sparks of pleasure erupting before a symphony of ecstasy. It engulfed your entire body, toes curling mid-air, your thighs clenching, pussy contracting around his cock.

"Bloody fuckin' hell," He grunted.

"Simon- don't stop," You whimpered.

He thrusted harder now, resigned to watching you gasp and moan on his cock. He was no longer paying attention to his impending climax, but your expression of pleasure- parted lips wet with the shower water, eyebrows drawn together, cheeks flushed- drove him over the edge.

He rolled his hips a few more times, releasing inside you. His hips jerked, soft grunts coming from his open mouth. His eyes were locked on your pussy, swallowing every last drop of his cum.

"Christ," He breathed, his head falling to the crook of your neck.

Your hand landed on the back of his neck, grasping at his hair.

You stood like that for a few moments, letting the shower water wash over you, enjoying the post-orgasm bliss together.

He finally set your legs down, making sure you weren't too sore or cramped from the position to stand, he held your waist.

You finally caught your breath, looking up at him with wet eyelashes.

"Want me to wash your back?" You asked, sending him a small smile.

He nodded. "Don't get carried away, you're a bit of a pervert."

"That't not true- I'm just making sure you're clean," You raised your brows.

"Perverted, is what I call it."

"You're the same way when you wash my tits," You shot back.

"'M a soldier, trained for perfection, sweetheart."

You rolled your eyes.

"Those things have to pass inspection, or it ain't done right," He teased.

"Whose inspection, Simon?"

"Mine-"

"Yours, yeah. I'd say that's a conflict of interest."

"I'd say it's regulation. Didn't complain when I was inspectin' your cunt."

He voice was low, no inflection of sarcasm to be found, but you knew better. You knew Simon well. You smacked his arm playfully, a laugh coming from the back of your throat.

"You're disgusting. Turn around," You groaned, hiding your bashful smile.

"Watch those hands, soldier."

[etheries1015]

Lilia x (Slightly) traumatized reader - When he began to fall in love

TW: Panic attack descriptions, mentions of PTSD

General warnings: Gender neutral reader

Lilia loves jumping out and scaring people. Something about the faces people make and the silliness of it put a smile on his face, he never knew he would find himself stopping faster than he had even begun. It's the one thing that you probably hated THE MOST. You flinch, you duck, you cover your head, and your heart comes to an absolute stop. Perhaps you had some sort of traumatic past that resulted in you flinching at the smallest movement, or perhaps you just aren't good at paying attention to your surroundings, so the suddenness catches you off guard. Or maybe it's just how you are, someone who doesn't take well to being jumpscared, touched without seeing them, or hearing noises or even your name called out that you were not anticipating. No matter what the reason, Lilia vowed never to do it again to you after this one instance, eventually finding himself feeling a few conflicted emotions as time went on...

It was your first meeting, unfortunately. He popped out of a tree seemingly out of nowhere in order to hand you the letter from Malleus, he had seen you coming up and giggled to himself as he planned his "attack."

The second you let out a scream and he recognized it to be genuine, his heart wrenching never thinking he'd hear a scream like that again. It was a scream of pure terror from the deepness of your heart, not a light-hearted "You scared me!" kind of scream, but one someone let out when they felt they were in danger, in pure fear, as if you were in...pain, almost. Immediately his face fell in regret, twisting into grief as he watched your legs give out from under you falling to the ground with your hands grasping your chest and sobbing.

"Don't do that!" You wailed out, body folding in a way where your face began to tuck towards your legs facing the ground as you tried to console your trembling body. You began to sob, and he had never felt worse.

Others call this dramatic, some think; "It's just a prank, you're being ridiculous. I wouldn't ACTUALLY hurt you." However, Lilia never thought of it that way. Somehow, some way, either your past experiences or something else, caused you to react how you did. Not once did he judge you for this reaction, but chastised himself for not being more aware that perhaps others do not take kindly to those types of pranks as the people he is used to surrounding himself with. He quickly dropped down to your level and apologized, hands wavering in hesitation. The last thing he wanted to do was touch you, seven no, he wouldn't want to frighten you more than he had already done.

"I'm so sorry...please, breath. In and out, just like that..." He took a few dramatic deep breaths, making them loud enough for you to follow his breathing in hopes to help calm you down. A minute of this and you began to come to, sitting up slowly and wiping your now puffy eyes before letting out a shaky sigh and avoiding his gaze.

"I'm s-sorry-" you choked out rapidly trying to explain away your reaction, "I know you were just trying to b-be funny, I'm okay it's okay I promise I'm not mad-" Lilia quickly shook his head and slowly moved his hand to rub your back, gauging your reaction to be certain his movements were not making you uncomfortable in any way.

"No, I apologize, (y/n). I will not do that to you ever again, the last thing I want to do is instill another panic attack upon you." He was so kind, so mature, and apologetic. It wasn't often you met someone who was understanding as that, without questioning you or your past or your reasoning. He simply apologized and let it go, and for that you were incredibly grateful for. After this he gave you the letter and you spoke to each other per usual, he gave another quick sorry before disappearing into the wind.

He did indeed keep his promise, finding that he had begun treating you with slight favoritism, and always being there for you whenever he found you in a state of panic. As time went on and he watched you go along with your school life, Lilia found himself gravitating to you naturally. He felt the need to...protect you, to watch over you, perhaps it was his "fatherly" instincts kicking in out of worry for your curious behavior from your first meeting, but it seemed to perhaps be something more. The charismatic Fae found himself behind the scenes giving advice to others around you, suggesting that instead of coming from behind or making themselves known by touching your shoulder or your back, make sure you see them first. To come in with their presence automatically known, something in which the other students didn't fully understand, however, took up his advice with grace and kindness. Lilias explanation for the advice?

"I simply notice how off in space they look at times," He would say, "We wouldn't want to wake someone who sleepwalks, would we? Treat it the same with our dear prefect," He tried writing it off in a joking manor to avoid suspicion. They would shrug their shoulders and simply agree, and you had taken notice that people were not surprising you as often, although the occasional jerk of shock was inevitable at times. Even when he noticed those small movements, Lilias's heart ached just a little bit. He knew you were capable, he did not doubt that you were a strong person who could hold your own, yet he couldn't help himself. Perhaps it was the guilt he was feeling? Although he wouldn't try this hard for anyone else, he found his heart beating a little bit faster whenever you were the topic at hand, and suddenly trying his best to make sure you have a comfortable life at school the best you could with your circumstances seemed to come natural to him.

These subtle changes had not gone unnoticed, of course. Malleus had even pointed out to him how he had never seen Lilia cut his antics for someone before, how he noticed Lilias gaze gravitating to you whenever you walked into the room, how he seemed to shine just a little bit brighter at the mention of your name. Malleus had inquired Lilia about the things he had mentioned to other students, to which he responded with a fond smile as he gazed at your figure talking to Grim and the others.

"Well," Lilia said, "I suppose you can say I may have grown a soft spot for our prefect," He chuckled, "And wouldn't want anything to make them uncomfortable. They are not from this world, so I simply would like to assist in any way I can," He sighed. Maybe one day they can trust me enough to speak about what ails them, although I'm satisfied behind the scenes for now, Lilia thought. Malleus raised an eyebrow at his guardian, an amused smile creeping upon his face.

"Are you saying that our old general has become enamored with a human?" He teased with a hint of amusement in his voice. A light blush painted on the fae's cheeks, with his red eyes widening nothing short of a split second, before returning to his normal haughty expression and a guttural laugh.

"Don't be ridiculous," Lilia turned on his heel, "It's not much different than how I feel about Sebek or silver." Malleus hummed in response to this, but the two fae knew that was not true. He treated you with much more gentleness, much more care, and concern. Again he tried to convince himself that it was perhaps in his fraternal nature, or perhaps the thought he never wanted to hear that scream again or see you in pain as he had that one day. It was the guilt, he also told himself, nothing more. Although, if it was something more than that... "It...does not matter," He hesitated, the smile he had painted upon his features wavering, forcing himself not to turn around to steal another gaze at you. 'When it comes to love...' he thought,

"It's far too late for me."

Maybe in another life, he could hold you in his arms as he wished, and protect you the way he wants to. But for now...watching from the shadows while suppressing these confusing feelings will have to do.

----

Check out my masterlist for more works like this!

[buffyromanoff]

''Let it out''

Inspired by the Taylor Swift lyric ''you drew stars around my scars but now im bleeding'' submitted by anon and @wifeofnatasharomanoff.

Summary: After being gone on a months-long mission, Natasha needs your support...but she doesn't realize it till its too late.

Warnings: Ptsd related panic attack.

Genre: Slight angst, fluffy comfort

Word count: 1.3k

----------------------------------------------------------------

‘‘Y/n, may I speak with you privately?’’ Nick Fury asked as you were about to leave after a meeting.

‘‘Uh, yes, of course, boss. What is it?’’ you replied.

‘Why don't you have a seat, Agent?’ Fury gestured towards a chair.

The look on his face gave it away. It was about Natasha.

‘Is she okay?’ Your voice trembled as you fought back your tears that were ready to come out.

‘Physically, she is fine, but... she's going to need you.’ Nick slid a leave document across the table. ‘I just need you to sign this, and then you're free to go home.’

‘Where is she? What the hell happened?!’ You demanded answers. Fury was always so secretive.

‘We'll be bringing her home to you as soon as you get there.’

And so you did. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst, you drove home and waited for them to bring your girlfriend back to you.

--------------------------------------

The past few days had been bittersweet. You were thrilled to have Nat back home with you after her months-long mission with the rest of the team, but it weighed on you to see her suffering.

Natasha was a private person when it came to her trauma. It wasn't because she didn't trust you, but rather she didn't want to burden you with her struggles. Since her return, she had managed to hide it well. After that conversation with Fury, you expected her to be shattered and completely broken…except she wasn't, at least not for the first few days.

You could say Nat was an amazing actress, but you noticed her mask was starting to fade away.

‘Wow, that smells good,’ Nat said as she entered the kitchen.

‘It does, doesn't it? I hope it tastes as good as it smells, though,’ you giggled.

‘I'm sure it will, malyshka.’ She gave you a quick kiss on the cheek and sat on the counter with her book.

"We have perfectly good sofas and chairs in case you didn't know’’ you teased with sarcasm.

‘Meh, I prefer to sit here.’ Her cat, Liho, jumped on the counter with her. ‘Up here, I have a pretty good view of the sexy chef.’ She whispered teasingly, causing you to blush.

Liho started jumping around the kitchen counters, making a mess.

‘Nat, please control your cat before he jumps on the stove and burns his whiskers off.’

‘Hey, come here, little one,’ she called, but it was useless. Liho was in a playful mood and he was not taking orders from anyone.

The cat ran behind a pile of pots and pans, causing them to slide off the counter and crash onto the floor, creating a loud noise that made your heart skip a beat.

‘Jesus Christ, that scared me so bad, Liho, you little...’ You turned around, laughing, only to find your girlfriend standing in the corner, hyperventilating.

‘Nat?’ You reached out your arm, but she pushed you away.

‘Baby, it's me. It's okay, you're safe.’ Your voice shifted into a comforting tone, allowing her to keep her distance. She wasn't looking at you.

‘Try to take a deeeeep breath, baby.’

Natasha struggled to breathe, her hand clutching her chest. You took a deep breath yourself, hoping she would follow along. ‘And then you let it out slowly.’

Your girlfriend raised her eyes to you and tried to do as you said.

‘‘There you go, that's good, honey. Keep going.’’ Natasha's eyes were watering, but her breathing was starting to return to normal.

‘��Can I come closer?’’ You asked, and she nodded.

As soon as you got close, she grabbed your arm tightly.

‘I'm here, Natty. You're okay. You're having a panic attack.’ 

She couldn't speak yet, but you could see the relief in her eyes that you were there with her.

You held her close, gently rubbing circles on her back, feeling her body tremble less and less. ‘Do you recognize my perfume? It's the one you got me. I wear it every day.’

It was working. Making her focus on her senses was grounding her back to normal.

And then something happened: Natasha started sobbing in front of you for the first time.

Your heart sank as you held her even closer. She was falling apart, and you were the only thing she could rely on.

‘Don’t hold back, honey. Let it out.’ And she did until she ran out of tears.

Showers were her safe place. She always took her time with them, as the warm water usually helped her muscles relax after a battle. It was a calming and soothing experience for her.

You helped Nat undress, and what you saw broke your heart. Her body was covered in dark bruises and scratches. You had no idea how this woman was able to move around like nothing had happened while hiding both the physical and psychological pain. But that's Natasha, strong inside and out.

You sat on the toilet seat while she showered, until you heard the water turn off and she opened the shower curtain.

You wrapped her in a towel and gave her a soft kiss on her cheek.

‘Thank you, Y/n,’ she mumbled, giving you a sad smile.

Back in the bedroom, Natasha was feeling better. She sipped tea from her favorite mug, wearing your pink Hello Kitty pajama pants. She looked adorable. You sat on the bed next to her, playing with her hair and stealing little kisses whenever you could.

Suddenly, her stomach growled and you both looked at each other. She laughed.

‘Hungry, baby?’ You teased.

‘I wonder what gave it away…’’. Her sarcastic response made you sigh in relief. She was definitely feeling better.

You both ate the reheated dinner, and since it had gotten quite late for a movie, you went straight to bed.

Her head rested on your chest and you held her as close as possible.

‘Sorry about all this, malyshka,’ she said. ‘You shouldn't be dealing with this.’

‘Nat-’

‘I mean it,’ she interrupted. ‘I wish I wasn't so broken.’

‘You're not broken, Nat. You're just going through a rough patch’’ you replied.

‘Seems like my life has just been a long, messed-up road, then’’ She mumbled while snuggling closer to your chest.

‘Have you heard of kintsugi?’’. Your question caught her by surprise, and she responded with a vague ‘hmm?’.

‘It's a Japanese art form in which they repair broken pottery by filling the cracks with gold lacquer. They don't hide the cracks; they display them openly, creating something new and beautiful. It teaches us to embrace flaws and find beauty in the process of healing, you know?’

Natasha started giggling.

‘What's so funny?’ You asked, confused.

‘Nothing, I just didn't know I was dating such a poetic soul,’ she teased.

‘Oh, fuck off,’ you laughed and she stole a kiss from you.

‘You're magical, Y/n. Did you know that? I don't know what I would do without you,’ Nat said.

‘Guess you'll never find out because you're never going to get rid of me.’

‘Lucky me,’ Natasha said, wrapping her leg over your body.

‘But seriously, you don't have to hide your feelings from me. I love you with all my heart, Nat. I'm always going to be here for you, no matter how bad things get’’. You reassured her.

‘Thank you, my darling. I love you too.’

‘To the moon?’ You asked, raising your eyebrow.

And smiling, Nat replied. ‘‘And to Saturn,’

[naamahdarling]

So...this makes...maybe the third or fourth time in 30 years I have gotten an apology for garbage behavior from a clinic? I am shocked.

What happened yesterday at the doctor's office is this: I was very anxious and needed someone with me as backup for an exam. Because of a history of medical assault and neglect, I have a really hard time with that sort of thing. This clinic is the only place that I feel safe going to for this kind of care.

The facility told me I could not bring my boyfriend back with me, I told them I had a governmentally recognized disability, and that I needed someone with me because of anxiety and PTSD. They said that was fine and gave me a release sheet to fill out. That should have been the end of it.

Instead, I was told again when they called me back I could not bring him. They indicated at that time that they had a few private questions for me first. I knew this would be the "do you feel safe at home" screening questions (I support these), so I said "Okay, but he comes in for the exam."

They took me back, did not even ask those questions, and when the time came to bring him in, I was again told he could not come.

I am on the edge of a panic attack and now I am angry because this is both inhumane and a clear violation of the ADA. I am also barely able to speak articulately let alone advocate for myself because I am in a rough patch and totally alone in a scary environment that has now proved itself threatening.

The exam turned out to be unnecessary, thankfully, so I didn't push the issue and just got through the appointment and got out of there so I could have something to eat and stop shivering. But it made me sick inside, and I rapidly regretted not staying to speak to someone about it.

I used the portal and the phone to send a message asking the manager to call me about it, stating that I felt disrespected and unsafe, and that my right to reasonable accommodation for my disability had been seemingly ignored.

And to my utter SHOCK I got a call back from the manager who listened to me describe the incident, IMMEDIATELY apologized, and then told me that due to that incident and something else that happened this morning, they had a staff meeting to make sure it never happened again and it is now "set in stone" that patients may have someone they choose in the room with them. She was probably very aware that breaking the ADA in such a clear-cut way is really bad.

She also seemed personally sorry, and was very professional. Apparently the issue was that some staff were under the impression that the clinic was still using COVID protocols, which include not allowing anybody but the patient back. Which still would have been invalid in the face of "reasonable accommodations as outlined in the ADA", but it explains the confusion somewhat. They were just prioritizing rules over people, specifically disabled people, which is sadly typical.

The apology does not eliminate the last 24 hours of feeling like I'm doomed to be disrespected everyfuckingwhere I goddamned go, how scary it is to be devalued and dehumanized, and how helpless and hopeless it feels to be turned against by a clinic that prides itself on inclusivity. It doesn't take away feeling very depressed and being largely unable to sleep, or the fact that this has reinforced, again, the knowledge that I cannot let my guard down with medical professionals in the moment, even if changes are later made. Apologies don't fix everything. I came out of this another step behind, warier, less trusting. The only bright side is that MAYBE in the future this one clinic will fuck around with me less and with others less. I maybe helped fix a thing.

But I DO have the manager on a recording saying it won't happen again. So I can hold them to it. And I hope the people who were unclear on whether or not disabled people have the right to ask for what they need are very clear on the concept now.

[anundyingfidelity]

I'M A RUIN — Soldier Boy/Ben (Part V)

Series summary: After the events of the Seven Tower, you present Grace Mallory a new secret project you're working on already to develop a cure to Compound V. The only problem? You need Soldier Boy for that.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader.

Word count: 2.4k.

Warnings for series: set after S3 (spoilers), some OOC!Ben, some depressed!Ben, angst, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, slow-burn, language, PTSD, reader has Compound V (she's no Vought supe tho), Soldier Boy being an usual asshole, reader is a fucking liar.

Warnings on this chapter: some misogyny and shit (you know who), psychiatry stuff, canon gore, blood, heads exploding, and violence?.

Notes: so I'm sorry for any mistakes during the psychyatric process, I go to therapy and take medication myself so that's all I know plus google research. And be aware of the gore descriptions, I tried to do my best I guess lol. Thanks for reading as always!

this fic tags: @k-slla @syrma-sensei @mostlymarvelgirl @cheynovak @drasticemotions @soldirboy @deans-spinster-witch

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

get yourself in the taglist!

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | | Part VIII

GEN MASTERLIST! — SERIES MASTERLIST!

Part V: Blow Your Mind

With a deep breath, you reviewed the symptoms Soldier Boy barely 'gave' during your session. The list was kind of long on the pages and it read:

Always being on guard for any danger, self-destructive behavior, irritability, angry outbursts, panic attacks, feeling emotionally numb, not trusting anyone, not feeling safe, hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, fatigue, muscle tension, headaches, back pain...

There was a weird silence surrounding both of you, mostly because of his mood and his change in demeanor from a somewhat friendly asshole to an irritated, unbearable jerk. Once you had started with the uncomfortably stupid questions, he felt threatened. Soldier Boy wasn't actually open to talk about his past and the traumatic experiences he had, and that meant it was difficult to get to know how his body and mind were reacting to all the stress and madness he went through in decades, adding those weeks after Billy Butcher had released him from his nightmare.

He was opposed to speaking directly about how he was feeling, but you knew better that Ben speaking out on his symptoms was not going to happen. So you had to ask each one of them and review some his most harsh experiences directly, in order to receive monotonous responses, limited to: 'yes', 'no', 'I don't know,' and finally 'what the fuck is that?' You took them all as an absolute yes.

He was being defensive and you knew better than to miss anything after he almost burned the whole damn building. And with the small but confident experience you had with psychiatry, you concluded that he needed medication and therapy. As soon as fucking possible.

"Yeah, you have PTSD," you said after a moment and your eyes found his unreadable gaze.

He raised his eyebrows with false surprise. He already heard that shit from Hughie before. "And where's the fucking drugs?"

"For that to happen, you have to stop the weed first."

"I've survived bricks of coke mixed with shit you probably don't know about and you want to take the only thing that's keeping me sane? Fan-fucking-tastic!" he fumed, but you didn't flinch. Not a bit.

"Look, my goal is keeping you safe and making you sane because you definitely are not. Not right now. And since I took you out, you'll follow my process, so stop whining."

He chuckled softly with a bitter grimace on his lips as he shook his head softly. "No, that's not gonna happen."

"I don't care if you agree with that, it's settled," you continued, a triumphant smile plastered on your face.

It was true, you didn't give a single shit. He had to be clean and quit any type of drugs to start the medication but most importantly, to use his blood. Eventually. You were more than aware that he wouldn't die easily, that was proved. And it was just a matter of time to get him to your lab to take samples of his blood and run the necessary research on them while you and your team still continued the studies with the Anti-V prototype. You were only hoping that day would arrive soon enough. Two months sober, that was all you needed from him. And the best part? Soldier Boy didn't have to really know the whole details.

Ben, on the other hand, clenched his jaw so tight and closed his eyes for a moment after hearing your statement. You really were a fucking bitch, letting him fall into the abyss of misery and torture that was his own wrecked mind. He considered your intentions internally, once again for the millionth time. You showed up there all dressed up, playing a rich doctor when in reality you were just a fucking slutty brat, just to tell him he had to stop his usual pot, which you also brought happily when he asked you to. And now, you were taking away the only thing that stopped him from ripping your head off. What a great move.

"That's not smart," he insisted.

"Why not? I have you under my own terms."

Ben tilted his head, studying you carefully. "You can't stop me, doll. None of you can. I'm only here because I find it suitable instead of storming out and catching unnecessary attention."

Ben saw you swallow down, he immediately knew it was because you were angry, not scared. You never really seemed scared of him. And you tried to restrain yourself from slapping him right away. "Are you blackmailing me again, Soldier Boy?"

"Is just a warning," he said, nonchalantly. "Wouldn't want to harm such a pretty thing like you, now wouldn't we."

"Oh well, just a reminder I can also turn on the damn gas if needed," you snapped. The arrogant smirk on his lips fell off and it was your turn to smile back. "We all have hidden cards, right?"

Such an arrogant bitch, he thought.

"So, what's your plan?" you switched the subject to avoid going further into what was troubling him.

"What do you mean?"

"Homelander. You want him dead, don't you? You must be getting ready to fight again..."

His body seemed tense once you pushed him to talk, looking away from you to calm a bit. "Isn't that what all of you want?"

"Any sane person would love that, trust me."

Soldier Boy narrowed his eyes. "Well, I can do it. If I wasn't here... You've seen what he's capable of. Jesus, I've seen it," he bitterly chuckled. "And the kid? He's a fucking menace."

"You've been watching the news, I take that—"

"The fuck I do! Wasn't gonna wait for you to keep me up to date of what the fuck is going on!" Ben shouted, his loud voice roaring in your ears despite the distance.

"I don't want you to stress out more than you do," you said, vacillating. "A lot of things take time, such as you adapting to the twenty-first century."

"I'd love to know when that'll happen," Ben insisted. "Or else, I might just break out."

With a tentative smile, you started to write down the report. "I'm so glad you're talking more during our sessions."

You barely said goodbye to Soldier Boy once you finished your daily session. Your head was aching as you walked down the aisle, barely leaving the empty wing of the building behind. Certainly he was hard to handle and was behaving defensively. Before you left he began asking, or better said, bossing you to get him whatever the kid Hughie told him he needed to learn how to use. Shit like the internet and GPS, he said. You told him he was not ready for it yet.

But you'd give him a golden star for trying and insisting so badly, even if he was against eighty percent of your methods. He was up to something, there was no question for that. He was a soldier, more or less like his given supe name. People like him always had a plan, and underneath his facade, there were more plans backed up with words of honor that you had to track sooner or later.

As you made your way to your office, greeting your lab employees and guards, a disturbing sensation grew up inside. Before crossing the doorframe you subtly looked around, focusing for some reason in the security camera, more time than you'd like to admit. You turned again to finally get inside, facing the entry of your office when hurried steps and a voice stopped you from doing so.

"Doctor!"

Once again you turned on your heels to see your assistant, tablet in hand. Those had to be the results.

"Hey," you began. "You have everything?"

Bianca nodded with a straight face and handed you the tablet. You noticed her tight grip and her somehow trembling fingers when you took the device from her hands. You eyed her a little, she remained with her hands intertwined in front of her, her attention seemed lost. With caution, you continued to check the file.

"Is the patient alright?" you asked, reading the profile of the supe who had the not so good luck of being tested previously.

Solaris was his supe name. And he had the ability to manipulate light and matter with his mind. He had taken part in the program for a month now and this was his first test. As always, each supe you had into the program was low-profile. You were thankful of your team keeping these supes under their gaze to offer them some sort of solution, even after all the deaths you tracked from time to time when a test of the Anti-V was run. More than a solution for them, it was a partial contribution to find it.

You quickly scanned the updated file that Bianca completed for you. He was doing better than projected, his powers were still gone with a forecast of probably coming back within a couple of hours. A deep breath left your lips. Now that was an improvement. It was the first time anything like that happened on any tests. The supe survived, he was weak but the powers were off for a bit. It was a small step closer to your goal. Just a little bit more maybe and it could be done, finally...

"He's resting right now," Bianca interrupted your thoughts. Your eyes were back on her face.

"This is great news, thank you. I trust he's doing okay."

She nodded. "He is."

"Great, I guess I'll see him in a couple of hours," you said about entering your office.

"Wait!" Bianca suddenly closed the little space between both of you. She breathed heavily before stuttering words out. "I, I have- I'm sorry..."

"Are you okay?" you inquired, knowing her behavior was unusual. She swallowed down, turning her gaze away, her hands shaking. Was she sick? "Bianca, what's wrong?"

You tried to reach her cheek with your hand, but she stepped back abruptly, looking at you like if you were a ghost with her eyes red and wet, and a fine layer of sweat adorning her skin.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

You walked towards her, worried about what was going on but every step you took, she also gave it back.

"Bianca, what's happening?"

Her back bumped the wall of your office, and finally, she started to cry. "I'm sorry. You have to go, please..."

Your heart started pounding heavily on your chest. "What—"

"Go now! Please... Please don't hurt me..."

"I'm not going to hurt you, Bianca," you whispered, trying to comfort her.

But she continued crying and mumbled incoherent words with eyes shut, while hot tears streamed down her face. She choked on her sobs as she pleaded for her life. But you didn't understand why. You tried to soothe her, reaching her shoulder with your free hand.

And when you placed your palm on her, everything became red. It all happened in seconds. Ropes of warm blood covered your face in an instant. A loud gasp fell from your throat. You felt every drop mixed with brains on the skin of your face, on your neck, and sliding down the skin under your blouse. It was shocking and equally disgusting. And your eyes remained shut, not brave enough to move or see the horrid picture in front of you.

Your palm was still on her shoulder when the remains of her body fell to the ground with a thud. Your trembling hand wiped some blood from your face to open your eyes anew. The wall was painted with her, as much as you were, and it left a trail of blood from where her corpse slid to the floor. Her head long fucking gone.

"Shit."

Shit. Fucking shit. Was it him? It had to be him. There was no reason to doubt it. It was him. And he complied with his promise. Had Homelander been controlling Bianca? Was she the only one? No. There had to be something more. Homelander wasn't easy and he wasn't merciful with anyone. You had to stop him and get Soldier Boy out of the building. Now.

You tried to control yourself as best as you could, walking away to reach anyone, crossing a corner on the hallway, where a guard was casually passing by.

He stopped on his tracks at your sight, covered in blood and meat. "Doctor?"

"I need your help," you whispered.

He nodded quickly and you began explaining with a low, shaky voice.

"I don't know what happened, my assistant was right there with me when— Fuck!"

You walked some inches away when his head exploded, just like Bianca's did. Luckily, or not, this time was inside his helmet. All the red brains and blood were catched by it. Still, you wanted to throw up right fucking there. The remains of his body fell to the floor with a loud sound.

With a deep breath you continued your way, finding guards, lab assistants and agents. If they were alive, their heads popped into your sight. And if it was your somehow lucky moment of the day, you just found their headless corpses lying on the ground, creating a pool of blood you tried to avoid.

The only thing on your mind was taking Ben out of the building. The alarm had been turned on and the annoying sound of it was driving you crazy. Your head ached more than ever as you made your way to Soldier Boy for the second fucking time during the day.

Since there was no time to open the heavy door properly, you used a force field around the metal, moving the door until it slipped enough to let you in. You found him standing in the middle of the room. Eyes dark and alert, with fists and frame ready to fight. He wrinkled his nose once you entered the place.

"What the fuck's going on?" Ben growled, observing your blood covered face.

"We need to go, now. Take your clothes off."

He blinked, taken aback. Before he answered you continued with an explanation.

"I'll turn you invisible, but can't turn your clothes," you ordered, looking in the closet for a sports bag you knew was inside and picking a couple of shirts, pants and boxers as quickly as time allowed you to. Once finished, you turned to Ben again.

"Mind to fucking clarify?" he insisted. You sighed, closing your eyes for a moment.

"Look, I'll tell you everything once we're out," you turned one of your hands invisible for him to see.

Ben snorted with laughter. How ironic, he thought.

"No fucking way."

"Strip. We're leaving."

[lokisprettygirl]

Under his influence (Post Avengers! Loki x female reader)

Read chapter 30 here/ Series Masterlist

Chapter 31

Summary : You and Loki try to balance your work, love lives and the stubborn jealousy that you feel regarding the female attention he's getting. But you're not the only one who's jealous in this relationship.

Warning: 18+, there's sex, Long chapter, almost 6k words, HUGE Canon divergence (Just me making shit up), A dose of angst, mention of stalking, Reader has deeply rooted insecurities, but she's also Pms'ing, mention of psychological torture, mention of physical and sexual assault, mention of menstruation, ptsd, self deprecating behaviour, panic attack, soft precious bean loki, polite bean Loki, Dalia, Loki showing signs of being a little subby baby

You were watching Loki get prepped for the press conference that was scheduled for few minutes later, they had straightened his hair, put makeup on him as if he needed it and he was dressed in an posh looking branded suit you didn't care to learn the name of, though you should have, your job was to take care of him in every way. Personally and professionally.

Sexually even, you shouldn't have been thinking about him bending you over the dresser and taking you but he had been such a tease all day long, everytime you two were alone he pulled you in his arms and kissed you so tenderly as he held your cheeks that moments after the kiss was over and other people had rushed into the room you found yourself dazed and confused.

It's been more than two weeks since you had gotten here, and a week since you started to work for him as his assistant. To say that your mother was livid would be a huge understatement, she was angry when you told her that you had a job offer in NYC but she went ballistic when you told her that Loki from Asgard, the guy who terrorized earth was going to be your boss, in her mind he was a criminal and she didn't understand how did you even approach them for the job.

She sent you plenty of videos as a warning of women who had fallen in love with criminals and ruined their lives. He wasn't no killer or a murderer though, he was a man overdriven by betrayal and lies at first and then he was tortured for so long, contrary to what your mother believed he was no psychopath, he felt guilt and remorse, he felt empathy for those who had gotten hurt because of his misdeeds, and he was utterly crazily, obsessively in love with you.

He was also having terrifying dreams of Thanos and he feared that they were not just dreams but a warning for him, he had tried to make these Avengers take him seriously but Tony was the only one who really believed in him, he had seen the impending darkness and the horror when he reached the other side of the portal.

"This is obstructive, loosen it up please" he mumbled as he pulled on his tie but his stylist swatted his hand away and asked him to not mess with it. A woman around your age was doing his makeup and she seemed to touch his face more than she needed to, you didn't blame her, you would have done the same thing but these things often sent you in a bit of a frenzy, you always felt afraid of some other woman catching his eyes.

"Did you memorize your speech?" Dalia asked as soon as she barged in the room,

"What speech?" He joked and she gave him a deathly glare, if she thought Tony was hard to manage, Loki was her living nightmare.

"Okay in ten minutes, we will go out so everyone leave the room and let him relax…chop chop guys" she clapped her hands so everyone stopped doing whatever they were doing and hurried out of the room, you got up from your chair as well but then you heard your name

"Y/n?" He called out your name and Dalia turned around as well to look at you,

"Yes sir" you turned to him but his eyes were on Dalia.

"You can leave, I just need to run my speech one more time and require a fresh set of ears" he said to Dalia and she nodded before she walked out and closed the door behind her.

As soon as she was gone he grabbed your arm and pulled you closer to him, you had a pretty formal red dress on and as much as he despised the color he couldn't deny that you looked amazing in everything you wore.

"Don't think I'll get used to you addressing me like that" you chuckled as he mumbled softly before his lips latched onto your neck, you closed your eyes and moaned slightly as he moved up and pressed a kiss on your earlobe

"Are you nervous sir?" You enunciated the term more sensually and he groaned in response but you could tell he was a bit nervous about the conference.

"I despise it that i have to do this all over again"

"I know baby" you spoke softly as you loosened his tie, unbuttoned the top button and then fixed the tie back on its place, he didn't need the death grip on his neck.

"Well atleast i have my princess here this time" you smiled as he said that, your arms flung around his shoulders and you pecked on his lips softly.

"You'll do great baby..i believe in you"

"Mmmm thank you..I'd need some assistance after the event" he mumbled in your ears while his hands lowered down from your back to your hips, he gave your cheeks a good squeeze and you couldn't help but moan in response, you were just praying that nobody else will barge in.

"Mmm careful I don't want to wrinkle your clothes"

"You say that as if it's something that can not be fixed by a bit of magic"

"You're so naughty..maybe i should put you in your place after this"

"Norns darling – you have no idea what it does to me" he placed your hand over the bulge on his pants so you gave him a slight stroke. In the last few days you two have been exploring a lot, especially since he showed you his jotun side he had been overly clingy which didn't bother you in the slightest, he didn't transform into his natural form since that night but he had come close often, you knew he was trying hard to allow his other side, his natural side to come out whenever he was around you but it wasn't easy for him at all and you wanted to be patient with him.

You cupped his cheeks and kissed him as lovingly as you could before you pulled away from him.

"Okayyy that is it, you have to go out there in a minute…do your magicky thing" you said to him as you fixed his tie one more time and then his erection was gone.

Once you both entered the auditorium you bumped into Thor so he gave you a smile.

"Soooo how did it go?" You asked him and the blush on his face was enough to give you the answer you anticipated but you still enjoyed teasing him.

"Thank you lady y/n for the motivation and for assuring me that I would be forgiven, she will visit in a week, I'd love for you two to meet" you smiled as he said that. You missed Jane and you were excited to meet her as well.

Everything was going according to the plan, but when it was turn for his speech Loki ripped the paper containing the speech he had in front of him and then he proceeded to speak from his heart, he didn't shy away as he talked about the the harm he had caused to the people of Midgard but he incessantly vowed to redeem himself and begged for their apology. He was doing everything he could to fix it and you just wanted people to give him a chance like they did last time even though he had no fake partner to parade around with this time.

"Did you fucking know about this?" Dalia asked you so you immediately denied, you absolutely despised her being your employer and would have quit if it wasn't for Loki, but you had no other choice. Even though she was pulling her hair out with nervousness his heartfelt speech was received positively and according to a poll conducted by CNN forty percent of population was already compelled to believe him.

"You could have gone with the original speech" Dalia said to him as you, Loki and her walked back to the dressing room.

"The original speech was pretentious and diplomatic, I don't intend to lie or make fool of those people again "

"Again?" She questioned him but he didn't answer, she sent you off with his stylist to arrange for the party that was scheduled to happen a few days later and as soon as you were out of sight she turned to him.

"Is she working well or can we hire someone more productive.. maybe someone who knows what they are doing" she said to him, clearly annoyed and the tone of her voice made him upset but he couldn't have said much.

"She's doing her best, she listens to me and she knows what I need, and she doesn't start salivating as soon as I'm in her surrounding unlike those other ladies you would have chosen for me"

He said to her sternly and she groaned before she left.

He wasn't able to see you all day long though he had planned to do so, it was getting more and more difficult to spend time with you but he managed somehow, he made sure he got you for himself atleast for a few hours a day, everyday.

A few days later Dalia had organised a party, a social meet and greet for him, several journalists and social media personalities were to come at this party and he was already exhausted. When he reached the lounge his eyes scanned for you and he found you talking to Bucky. You had a silver cocktail dress on and he was always intimidated by the attention this James was giving you, he has been alive for thousands of years and he always had an inkling when a man such as him had eyes for a women like you.

As you looked at him you said something to Bucky before you walked towards him.

"Hello handsome you look good" he looked deadly, the black blazer and white tee combo was killer, he smiled as he looked at you up and down, the dress was sinful and he had to get you alone sooner or later.

"You look beautiful princess"

"Shhhhh" you gave him the eyes as he called you by the pet name.

"Is there anything you need sir?" You asked him so he nodded.

"Dance with me" he grabbed your hand and your eyes widened but before you could say anything he dragged you in the middle of the floor and you both began to slow dance. You did like the song, always made you smile

I knew when we collided

You're the one I had decided who's one of my kind

"Everyone is staring at us lo" you said as you looked around.

"Let them stare, we are just dancing" There weren't any strangers at the party just yet so he wasn't that worried.

"Ahhh that…that reminds me of us.. remember?" Pepper said to Tony as she looked at you both so he smiled, grabbed her hand and took her to the dance floor, soon Bruce and Natasha joined as well, you often wondered if something was going on between them.

As the people started to fill the lounge Loki got busier with taking pictures with strangers he didn't even know, according to Dalia the more social media presence he would have the less threatening he would seem.

You got a drink and found a couch in the farthest corner of the lounge. Never ever in your wildest dreams you thought that your life would change so drastically, well okay maybe you did think of such wild scenarios in your wildest dreams but truth was you were not made for this type of lifestyle, it was just just too much interaction with too many people you didn't know.

As anxiety began to build up you put your drink down and walked towards the balcony to get some fresh air, you haven't been out of this tower since you got here, Dalia needed you to start right away and you didn't even have the chance to go back to your apartment to get your stuff, as much as you enjoyed being here with the love of your life you did miss the quiet and peace you felt in the privacy of your apartment at the end of the day. This was a perfect lesson for you to learn that grass was always greener on the other side.

"Hey there" you smiled as you spotted Bucky leaning against the railing, he was a bit unstable at times, he had do intensive therapy and even attacked his therapist a few days ago so he was on constant watch.

"Shouldn't you be inside assisting the manchild in there?" you frowned as he said that.

"He's not a manchild, in fact he's doing so well considering he never had to lift a finger of his own to get something in his life" he chuckled as you defended him.

"How are you doing here? I find this place more insufferable than a freaking prison" he said as he sipped on his drink.

"Well it can be daunting at times but we should count on our blessings don't you think?" He smiled at the comment.

"You are naive aren't you?"

You were anything but naive, he had no idea what you and Loki had suffered through to be with each other.

Loki had found you talking to Bucky again and he hated it, for some reason he didn't trust the guy, there's nothing James had done to him to warrant that sort of mistrust but he just felt innately jealous of him because he knew he had his eyes on you.

He called you on the phone, he had one now thankfully and he saw that you picked it up instantly.

"Yes sir, you need me?" You asked him in a formal voice you had adapted for this job so he smiled.

"I need you all the time princess, turn around" you turned around and gave him a smile as you spotted him.

"I'll be right there" you made your way inside again but before you could reach him he was taken away by two women who wanted to click pictures with him, he looked like a headless chicken between them, one of them had her arm around his waist, the other one was tall enough to wrap her hands around his neck as if he was her long lost friend.

"God you smell so good, what cologne do you use?" one of the girls asked him seductively but instead of responding he just excused himself and walked towards you.

"What good that will do for your image?" You questioned him, you had a fake smile on your face

"I have no clue, i have chosen to not question Dalia's methods anymore"

"Fair enough, so what did you need?" He noticed the annoyance in your tone and his brows furrowed.

"I'm sensing an attitude here, what did I do?"

"I'm just doing my job sir" he bit on his cheek and you sighed, the sudden mood swing made you realise that you must be pms'ing again.

"Sorry, I'm just overwhelmed and all these women around you–"

"Well it's not as if you don't talk to other men darling " you opened your mouth to say something but he walked out of the conversation, your eyes teared up at the gesture and before this would escalate you decided to just leave the party and calm down.

It's been nine months since you had known him, it was longer than any guy had tolerated you to be honest, your insecurities and constant mood swings that resulted from it was enough to drive them away from you eventually.

As soon as Loki saw you leaving he felt horrible, you had made several sacrifices for him and he needed to control his jealousy so he could treat you better, perhaps he should just tell you that he didn't like it when you spent time with James.

You had insecurities regarding him, you had been betrayed and cheated on and you may have moved on from those people but the scar they left behind never really healed, you feared he'd do the same to you even though he had no intentions of ever putting you through such pain, he'd die before he touched another woman in this lifetime.

As soon as the opportunity occurred he got himself out of the party but before he could go talk to you he was called to leave for an urgent mission, the whole team was leaving to track down this notorious ring of arms dealer and he had to prepare for the mission so he called you instead but you didn't pick up at all. Half an hour later you called him back so he picked it up,

"Yes sir, you needed me?" You asked him so he sighed deeply.

"Can I speak with my girlfriend miss y/n?" You didn't say anything for a good few seconds, you didn't want to fight with him, of course not, but you just felt cranky but you didn't want to take it out on him

"Look I'm sorry–"

"Darling I'm leaving for a mission, I will return tomorrow" he said abruptly,

"Wait..what?"

"Something about some arms dealers, I don't have the full information –"

"Where are you? I need to see you lo"

"I'm already heading towards the quinjet, I was calling you, where were you?"

"You could have just come and see me"

"I didn't have that much time to spare –"

"Yeah okay, it's all my fault– just be safe and come back to me okay?" You said hurriedly but he didn't have the time to console you at the moment.

"We are going to discuss this tomorrow alright? I love you" he barely whispered the love confession, someone must have been around him and you understood that.

"I love you" your eyes welled up as he hung up. Why did you have to be this way and sabotage things when they were going just fine?

You couldn't sleep all night just thinking of all the horrible things that could happen to him on this mission and how your last conversation with him wasn't really loving on your part, you never ever wanted him to leave this way ever again. You sent him a text or two but he didn't respond and that made you feel worse.

When you woke up the next morning you quickly got ready and called Loki but his cell phone was unreachable, so you called Thor and his phone was unreachable too, when you enquired you learned that they haven't returned yet but you had no reason to believe that they were in any sort of danger.

You couldn't eat or even breathe properly for that matter, you just wanted him to come back, you were going to go sulk in your room when Dalia called you in her office on the 17th floor,

"Can I come in?" You knocked on her door and as soon as you entered she started to yell at you,

"Did you know about this?" She turned her laptop towards you and you read the headline that was making her so angry

"The new Avenger is sleeping his way around town"

"Wait what? Is this about Loki?" You asked her so she glared at you.

"Who else? Did he have sex with this girl that came to the party ? Laura?"

"That's not possible, he was there most of the night and then he left for the mission" you read the content of the article and apparently that girl had posted the photo on Facebook claiming that she got lucky with him last night and it had gone viral almost immediately.

"Then what the fuck is this y/n?"

"Well it seems baseless to me, what is the source of the article? I mean anyone can say anything and these people will just publish it without any legit facts or proof"

"It doesn't matter whether this is fake or not, people are going to gossip and it's bad publicity for a man like him"

"Yeah but it's not his fault, maybe if he wasn't forced to click millions of pictures with these social media celebrities, nothing like this would have happened" she glared at you as you said that.

"Are you doubting the way I work y/n? You know how long it has been since I have been working in this field? Don't get overconfident here alright? You're lucky that for some reason he don't want me to get rid of you"

"Trust me Dalia I'm not the fortunate one here" you walked out of her office as you dropped the mic on her, but more so because you didn't want her to fire you on the spot, you didn't really enjoy having such confrontations.

You bumped into Pepper Potts in the elevator so you gave her a polite genuine smile.

"Something wrong?" She asked you as she looked at your sullen face,

"No it's just my boss.."

"Loki?" Well yeah him too but you weren't upset with him, you just wanted him to come back so you can hug him, spoil him and then give him a piece of your mind.

"No…I mean i work for Dalia basically so she's my boss"

"Ahhh I see, been there, she's not easy to please is she?'" you looked at her as she said that, usually all the women around here intimidated you because they seemed so strong and independent, so powerful and fierce but most of them were easy to talk to,

"Well she's kind of a — she's just..."

"A bitch I Know" your eyes widened as she said that "I have been here for years now, i started as as an assistant too, she made my life living hell at times but Tony helped me through it, I'm sure she's just pissed history is repeating itself" you smiled as she said that. Your history with Loki wasn't same as her and Tony but you could see how she made a connection, for them you came here a few weeks ago and miraculously landed this job.

"Noo me and Loki…we are not–"

"Oh come on it's pretty transparent, there is a chemistry, everyone can see it" you looked at her shocked as she said that,

"Everyone can?"

"Well most of us can"

"Well it won't really be wise to start something with my boss anyways soo.." her floor arrived so she smiled before she stepped out but she turned to look at you before she walked away.

"That's what I said"

A few hours later they had returned, the news of Avengers successfully tracking down the biggest chain of arms dealers in NYC was all over the news.

Loki saw plenty of messages as soon as his phone was in serviceable reach so he responded quickly to ease some of those insecurities of yours, you must have spent a restless night, he had no relief either,

He didn't want to leave when things were tensed between you two and when you clearly needed him but he had no other choice, he couldn't have opted out of going for this mission, he was merely a glorified prisoner for now.

A few moments later he was in your room, freshly showered but bruised as well, he had several marks on his face but some had started to heal already.

"If you ever leave me again without seeing me I will not speak with you for days and that is not a baseless threat" you glared at him so he smiled and walked towards you, his arms wrapped around your waist and he bent down so he could place his head right in the middle of your chest. You placed your nose on his head to take a whiff of his hair, you had horrible thoughts all night long, you just wanted him to come back safely to you.

"I'm sorry my darling" he traced his lips upwards and kissed the exposed skin of your neck, you just had a tank top on with a pair of booty shorts, you knew what you were doing dressing up this way "I was jealous too last night, i don't enjoy seeing you have a conversation with that man Barnes, you're not the only one feeling that way" he whispered in your ear so you cupped his cheeks and kissed him.

"Do you want me to ignore him?" His mouth curved into a smile at the offer, he should have taken it but that would be unfair to you.

"No.. that would be selfish and controlling of me, I don't want to be that man, I want to be better sweetheart, you make me want to be better for you, you deserve that and more, you deserve everything I can offer you"

He picked you up immediately and laid you down on the bed underneath him, your fingers traced over the bruises on his face and he moaned in response, he always seemed so pretty, so graceful whenever he was being touched so tenderly, he was so powerful but during such moments he always allowed you to be the one to protect him from every horrible thing out there, he needed you to coddle him as if he was barely a damsel in distress in the need of saving.

"You don't feel annoyed and bothered by my constant cribbing?" He chuckled as you said that but he could sense the hurt in the way you said those words to him, he fully intended to rid you of all those insecurities.

"I do feel bothered by them, but not for the reasons you might assume, I'm bothered that you are so tormented by such thoughts when I'm not there by your side but you need to remember how far we have come, I'll remind you over and over again that i belong to you and solely you and I'll do it for all of our eternities, but when I'm not here you need to remind yourself that you're the womanI almost annihilated the multiverse for, do you remember that?" You nodded as he questioned you softly, his voice was a sweet whisper in your ears as if he was trying to engrave his words in your subconscious mind, his thumb caressed over your cheekbone gently,

"I'd never ever hurt you in a way that would break the trust you have in me, i would never corrupt or taint the sanctity of this pure relationship we have here, you hear me sweet sweet girl do you not?" He cooed again

"I hear you lo..I'm so sorry so sorry" you mumbled and he latched his lips onto yours,

"Shhhh I don't need an apology my love, you're all perfect to me"

"So are you"

"You will be bleeding soon, want to make love to me?" He mumbled and you nodded in desperation

"How do you know?"

"I just do, it's the way your scent changes before that, it's a sickly sweet smell of your skin, before you run your thoughts over let me just remind you that I enjoy it, it's equally as scintillating as your natural scent is, perhaps even more"

"Goddddsss" you took his shirt off and he was already undoing both of your pants, the condom sheathed his cock magically and he rubbed the swollen tip of his length over your clit then he tapped over the swollen nubs gently,

"Don't tease me lo..pleasee"

He smiled at the sheer desperation in your voice and barely nudged the tip inside your warm entrance slowly.

"Mmmm I'm sorry.. I will be good i promise" he murmured, his breaths were heavy, his heartbeat already so fast you could feel them thumping under his chest.

"Mmm good boy, i love you" you moaned as he slowly pressed in deeper and deeper,

"How much do you love me, miss? Do you adore me?" He asked, his voice almost whimpery in your ears,

"More than anything in the world i promise"

"Mmmm thank you, thank you" he mumbled as he set a slow sensual rhythm of his hips, every moment made you crumble more and more.

"Sweet baby, climb up a little will you, I know you want me to do that thing again, don't you?" He nodded desperately as he realized what you were hinting at.

He placed his forearms over your head so his chest was on your face level, his hips never stopped moving, a few days ago you accidentally discovered that he enjoyed having his nipples sucked and damn if he didn't have the most perfect set, you were kissing from his neck down like you usually did and when you sucked on his right nipple you felt his whole body shiver with the feeling, he was almost embarrassed of it so you showed him he had nothing to feel ashamed of.

As you placed your lips over his right nub, you felt his cock twitching vigorously inside you, you flicked your tongue over and over before you sucked on him slowly, the moans and groans of that gorgeous ethereal man on top of you was nothing less than a symphony in your ears, you switched your attention to the other side for a good while before he slid down again and kissed you as passionately as he could, you treated him this way, you took care of him in every fucking sense of the word and then somehow you still felt scared that he'd ever be able to do anything that would make him lose this precious person underneath him.

He didn't blame you though, he understood your fears for he had the same ones, he just knew with time both of you will learn to let go of them, he truly believed that. You bit on his neck as you approached your orgasms together and then you both came in unison, it was desperate and needy, especially after that little argument this was exactly what you needed to calm those thoughts. He hid his face between the crook of your neck as he waited to recover, your fingers were running over his scalp and he just wanted to purr like a kitten but he resisted the urge to do that just yet.

"In bed? Well i certainly hope so" You chuckled as he said that.

"Loki?" You called his name so he looked at you "I'm pretty sure we will end up here again"

"No i meant the stupid argument..I'm just .. always terrified of losing you to other women, I know its silly and it's nothing to do with me not trusting you, I do trust you completely, i know my bestest friend in the whole world will never hurt me so cruelly but I'm just always afraid, I get ticked off for no reason.. I don't want to fight with you but I know it will happen" he smiled as you finished speaking, your eyes were teary, his heart clenched at the thought of people hurting you so deeply so many times that you always lived in fear, he knew you were always betrayed by those you trusted and he never wanted to end up being one of those people in your life.

"And that's okay, that is absolutely alright my love, my life is full of happiness with you in it, it's something I never really had before, and i would rather have us argue with each other and jump in bed to love each other like this then not have you at all, you are never going to drive me away no matter how many times we do this i promise you"

You hugged him as tightly as you could, you had nothing left to say to him about this, he didn't get annoyed, he didn't get upset with you or told you that you were overthinking, he validated your feelings and that was more than you have ever had in your life, he cleaned you up soon after and then you both took a nap together since none of you really got any sleep last night.

You were called in Dalia's office again so you decided to deal with that first. What did she want now ? When you entered her office Loki was there too,

When you woke up you found yourself wrapped up in the same blanket he had given you in the previous timeline, when did he even have the time to make it again you wondered. You clutched on it and basked in it for a good few minutes before you had to get up. You felt hungry and you were excited to see Jane, though you knew she wouldn't remember you at all, you just hoped the friendship would bloom again.

"Do I have to remind you all the time that you're on duty here? He has been unattended for hours now. Go bring him a cup of coffee and an iced tea for me" you looked at him and he mouthed a sorry so you sighed and turned around to grab him some, he would have asked for it if he needed it.

"You know Lady Dalia if I was you, I wouldn't be treating her this way, you want to know why?" She glared at him as he said that

"Are you threatening me?" He smiled but then his expressions changed, there was a manic look in his eyes all of a sudden.

"I'm enlightening you, she's a sweet girl and she puts up with a lot of my nuisance so next time you see her I need you to be nicer to her, i promise that won't kill you, am I being clear?" He asked her, his voice wasn't aggressive, he was calm and polite as he could be but she got the message.

"Can I just ask what is it that you like about her?"

"I do not like her, nor I have any interests in pursuing such a romantic relationship with her that you might think so quit worrying and do your job, can we sue this website that published this fake news about me?" He diverted the topic to stop her from thinking about you, when you returned you gave her the tea as well as the coffee, she took a sip and had something to complain of but Loki glared at her so she ate her words.

"Atta girl" he whispered almost inaudibly and Dalia's face flushed, less from embarrassment and more from a certain feeling she didn't wish to bear for the man next to him. You noticed the look on her face and your instant reaction was to facepalm.

It was clear to you that you just had to get used to women lusting after your man so brazenly. It was inevitable at this point.

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

Note : Things are going to spice up from the next chapter again i promise, wanted you guys to enjoy the fluff and smut for timebeing. He's so close to calling her mommy in bed at this point.

Taglist

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@cosniffee

[beetleviolet]

@midwesternvibes 's rottmnt villain leo au will never fail to haunt my brain so, hark! I bringeth tidings of fanfic!

I was really curious what it would take to drive Leo so apart from his family, so I tried to write it in a way that from right to me. This one really challenged me, so I hope yall like it!

To be clear, I feel like this would take place like before Leo is a villain. When the possibility it just. There.

TW: child abuse/emotional abuse, panic attacks/flashbacks, crying, murder, suicidal thoughts, ptsd

The anger started- well, no. It didn't really have a definitive start or finish. A collection of moments Leo could look back on and think, maybe this was it. Maybe this is when it all began, maybe this was when it gained momentum, maybe this was the point of no return. 

And again, even the single moments he could pick out always had other ones tangled around them. Leo took the fall for, well, everything. Not that his brothers never got in trouble but, well, if the dish broke it was Leo who broke it. If an argument started it was Leo who crossed the line. If the chores weren't done then it was Leo's turn, even if it wasn't everyone else said it was and Dad believed them. Looking back, it was an easy thing to blame Leo. He was already labeled trouble, what was a little more? 

The trouble stuck with him like his stripes, like yeah there was a mask there but come on dude, we can both see them peeking out the edges. Leo wasn't to be trusted. Leo was easy to blame. Leo was trouble. 

“Why would you do that??” 

“It was one mistake, Raph!” Raph seemed too flabbergasted to speak, only gesturing at the burning building behind him. So yeah, Leo had started an eensy-teensy little fire. He'd gotten everybody out! 

Leo's mistakes were big. There were few, but they were big, and no one wanted to let him forget it. 

“This is just like that time you broke the TV!” Mikey giggled as he brushed the plate shards into a dust pan. At least he didn't seem mad. Leo tilted his head at him,

“Uh, you broke that.”

“Did not!” Mikey protested. 

“We were playing basketball and you tried to throw it to me!” 

“You didn't catch it!” Leo felt his fingers twitch, wanting to flex, maybe a tic he picked up from Donnie. Frustrated. Angry. A start. 

Leo couldn't remember what happened next, really. They got interrupted by some other brotherly shenanigan. It was just. Well. Leo loved Mikey. He shouldn't be mad! You weren't supposed to get mad at the people you loved, right? Right? 

“Leonardo!” Yikes, full name treatment. Leo jumped, scrambling on 7 year old legs. “You did not help Red cook dinner!?” 

“Uh..” Leo peered behind the looming figure of his Dad, where Raph was half hugging a sniffling Mikey with a bandage on his finger. “..no?” 

“Your brother got hurt!” Oh, that made sense. Mikey was still learning. He had been clammering Raph for a chance to help in the kitchen, that's why Leo didn't today. But he couldn't say that because Splinter had that- that look. That clenched jaw that scared Leo more than anything. Dad didn't hit them, usually, not really. Maybe a small fwip behind the head if they were very bad, a sandal thrown by if they said something out of line. It wasn't that, really. Dad didn't like to do that, sometimes he even apologized for it. Usually to Donnie and Mikey, but whatever. But it wasn't that. 

It was more the glaring, the teasing, the yelling, oh when Dad yelled at him Leo could do nothing but shake. It was his brothers watching. It was his brothers watching when it was Mikey who had thrown that basketball so it hit the TV, the TV Donnie was fixing as Dad screamed. Leo shook, he set his jaw and blinked and he didn't cry, he didn't cry. Leo wouldn't start crying. He didn't start. A start. 

Once, when April came over after a fun mission, she did this announcer thing, where she gave everyone an intro as they entered the room. Leo was up to go last. Turned out he wouldn't go at all. And them everyone went to bed. 

It overshadowed those little papers Leo kept in the drawer of his bedside. Notes and doodles and things his brothers had said to him, happy things. Like the time Donnie said he loved Leo, not “I love you guys”, he said “I love you”, just to Leo. The time Mikey made his favorite pizza because he was sad. A big hug from Raph, paper airplanes with good messages from April. That bedside table got crushed when the lair was, well, shredded, and Leo sat on his knees, seiza, picking up as many as he could before his brothers caught up. 

“Come on, Leo.” 

“Gimme a second.” He heard Raph shift impatiently,

“You're taking so long.”

“Can't rush perfection.” He could feel Raph's eye roll. 

“You know bein’ down here makes Don upset.” Sure, this was about Donnie. Leo shoved a few more into his pouch. 

“It's not a party for me either.”

“This isn't about you!” Raph snapped, and Leo felt like a scrap of paper as he trembled in the wind. That was the first time Raph had said it to him. The first time. The start. 

On one of those scraps of paper was a time when his Dad lectured him, and Leo shook and he didn't cry and Dad sort of faded out and watched him. Leo stared at the floor next to Dad's feet, waiting to be told to bring his eyes up, waiting for the, “Look at me when I'm talking to you!”, but it didn't come. Dad just. Looked at him. Looked at him for longer than he might have ever before. Splinter never looked at him when Leo was talking. Or when he wasn't, really. Not really.

“...go to your room.” He said, and Leo just about ran. In his room, he was allowed to cry. Well, there was no rule against crying, not one written or said, but Leo could feel the pressure when he did it, eyes and expectations on his skin, and so he didn't cry. Except now he started to. Now he sobbed. He jumped at the knock at the door. He'd never heard that knock before. Mikey did the one from Frozen, knock knock kno-knock knock!, and Raph would bang twice, Knock! Knock!, and Donnie did morse code, something different every time. This was a simple knock, a tentative, knock knock knock against the door frame. Leo didn't answer, maybe couldn't. The curtain rippled as Splinter entered. He had a plate in his hand. He watched as Leo scrubbed his eyes before placing the plate, a plate of fruit, on the bedside. Then again, he watched. Stared. 

Leo wanted a hug.

It wouldn't fix anything, and there was something inside of himself screaming, no! He didn't need it! He wouldn't mean it anyway! And maybe he wouldn't. But soft fur, warmth around him, a gentle hand against the dip of his shell. Splinter had this lullaby he would sing to a fussy Mikey, a sick Donnie, a sleepy Raph on the couch. Leo wanted to hear it. He wanted it so bad. 

He and Splinter stared at each other. And then his father left the room. Leo ate the fruit. Oranges and strawberries. 

He didn't write all of that. He wrote, “Dad cut fruit for me.” And that was all. That was all. 

And then

And then there was the Krang. 

Leo was a lot of things. He was a hero, he was a martyr, he was a brother, he was a son, he was dead, maybe, somewhere, and he was hurting and he was trouble. 

His family loved him. They opened that portal for him, so they loved him. But Mikey loved Draxum too, because he was family. So yeah, his family loved him. They wouldn't be the same without him. But did they like him? 

Dad avoided him for a while. So did Raph. They were mad at him, Leo thought, for starting this whole mess. Mikey was a whole mess. He cried a lot, happy and sad, and Donnie sat on the medbay chair, not spinning like he usually did, just sitting. No one would give Leo a straight answer about anything. Eggshells. Sometimes, everything got too much and darkness closed in and Leo lost control. Raph would help, when that happened, but when that happened Leo wasn't Leo, he was just scared and he didn't think, he only flinched away from the red and green above him. Raph started to cry. They all looked at him. Leo looked back. He couldn't speak. They looked away. A start, or maybe a finish, because Leo hadn't expected anything more. 

Dad sang that lullaby to him. 

That he didn't see coming. He was alone, still in the medbay, still still still, and his thoughts were pulling at his skin and dragging him down. Leo couldn't move. He couldn't speak. He couldn't talk. Small, clawed feet padded closer. Leo shook. 

Stroking fingers on his forehead, a quiet hum, smooth Japanese, and Leo got everything he had been asking for. 

It wasn't enough for him to calm down, no, not nearly, so after a while, a blessed, blessed while, Dad left, and Donnie appeared. He counted his breaths orderly, fingers flexing because he wanted to leave and get back to work. He was anxious. Leo couldn't help but catch it, his breathing ok but he couldn't stop shaking. Donnie didn't know what to do. He asked something and Leo nodded and then they left him alone. His breath began to catch. A beginning, a start. An end. 

All alone. It was funny, how he felt that phrase with his whole soul. There was no one for miles. His chest was an empty bell. Leo swung his legs over the edge of the skyscraper. It was funny, when he tried to die, they didn't leave him alone for days.

It wasn't that he wanted to, it was just. 

He wanted to know what they'd think, just a little. Maybe this could finally prove that they need him, just a bit. But Leo was all alone. 

He shook it off. He was 16 years old, and he didn't want to die. He was 16 years old, and he had to start for home now if he wanted to get back before anyone noticed he left. Had to start for home. He had to start. 

So naturally he sat right there and stared at the skyline. 

They sent April after him, when he kept missing calls. He watched the text messages roll in, telling him that breakfast was ready, that they had training in an hour, that he better be back by tonight for patrol. That he was worrying them. His heart rate was steady, according to Donnie, but he was worrying them. 

April was dropped off by a Genius Built something or other, Leo didn't turn around to check. She stepped forward and, oddly enough, stayed quiet as she sat next to him. She watched the city with him, rustling and bustling below, and then she bumped their shoulders together, arm against arm, and Leo was shaking and and and

He couldn't cry. He couldn't start. April pressed warm against his arm and she stayed there until his breaths were even, his face still dry. 

He might have written that down on a scrap of paper, if he did that anymore. Maybe he should start, he thought, laying staring staring at the ceiling. His room was sound proof, but he could feel them talking about him. That was the only reason he was still alone. Probably. Maybe. It was just. 

It was just. 

Leo felt everything. It was like 16 years of feelings had all slammed together into a knotted mess in his chest. There was probably some logic to that, if he were to ask Mikey about it. Something about the connection between recent traumatic events and coping skills. He didn't care. Leo just curled up on his bed and imagined he was drifting. He imagined he was somewhere else. 

When Leo was little, when he was trouble, more then usual, he would imagine he was a scrappy kid on a forgotten planet with lore only he knew. He pick pocketed Jupiter Jim, which was bad, but Jim saw he was just hungry and desperate and decided to take him with them. Red Fox was hesitant, but by the end of their adventure she trusted him completely. Which sucked because Leo was a spy for the planet leader the whole time. What was he supposed to do? There was something about Leo that was just fundamentally different then Red Fox and Jim. Why fight that? 

But whenever Leo got that far he started getting tired, so he mentally skipped his redemption arc and right to the dramatic moment, where he was told everything would be ok. And 7 year old Leo fell asleep imagining he was held. 

He stopped when he got older, well aware that self-insert JJ fanfiction, however G rated it may be, was still pretty weird. Leo was pretty weird. Yeah, his whole family was, but Leo was different from them, another category, walls and subway tracks between them. 

It all came down to Leo wanting to be as close to his family as possible, but never actually succeeding. So he just ran away. 

Maybe he could just. Run away. 

It would be easy enough, right? With his portal swords and everything. 

Run away. A fresh start. 

Leo stared at the wall. He had some money from picking up shifts at Run of the Mill, but knowing his family he couldn't just go back there, so he would have to find a different job. Donnie had access to the whole city at the press of a button, so he would have to move out of New York. Maybe somewhere in the Hidden City, out of his families reach. Maybe-

Knock knock knock. 

Tentative. He knew that knock. 

“Blue? Your brothers say it is time for your patrol.” Right, that. What was he doing, getting all wrapped up in maybes? He wasn't running away. This was just a phase, he just had to wait out all of his tangled emotions and then everything would go back to how it used to. 

“Coming!” He called, tieing on his mask. He straightened it in the mirror, pulling it a little wider to hide more of his stripes. His phone was dead, so he left it charging by his bed, snatched up his katanas and stepping into the hall. 

Raph was mad-worried, Leo could smell it, literally and figuratively. April must have told him something. Leo would have to balance on his tightrope of being obnoxious enough to not cause worry, but not too much, or he would earn a lecture for missing the training he himself had scheduled. There may be a couple snide comments eitherway, but Leo would smile from his spot 50 feet in the air, dancing, daring. 

But before he could leave, his father had looked at him. 

“Have a good time, Blue,” He said. And then, “I love you.” 

Oh. 

Leo could have gone through at least 300 different memories, at least 600, at least 1000. Every moment of wanting and wishing and now he was here. And now. 

Leo looked at his Dad, at Splinter. He looked at the super-star turned rat, celebrity turned father, and he just. 

“Bye, Dad.” Leo said, and he didn't cry. He turned on his heel and he walked. 

…it felt kind of good that he was the one walking this time. A kind of good he didn't want to think about.

—

Hypno and Warren. 

Months ago, that wouldn't have sent a shudder up his spine. Months ago, that wouldn't make the room go cold and his heart started to thud. But months ago, Hypno and Warren hadn't made the biggest mistakes of their lives. And months ago, the simmering mass, the start in Leo's chest wasn't hell bent on proving it. 

His brothers did their usual banter, if a little strained from nerves, but the two villains were as mediocre as ever. 

The three of them kept trying to catch his eye, concerned because Leo wasn't talking. He didn't really know why. You'd think they'd like it better this way. Even Warren was making comments. Why should he have to pretend around them, anyway? Joke and smile to what, make them feel better? Leo loved his family, he loved them with all of his heart, but his chest was on fire and today he just. He couldn't. 

And then Mikey went down. 

It was just a sprained ankle. Just a sprained ankle. But Mikey yelped in pain and his eyes shone and he was about to start crying. About to start. Raph's eyes went white. Donnie bared his teeth. And Leo. 

Leo. 

He didn't really think about it too hard. Not really. He just opened a portal. Just a small one, right around Hypnos torso. He spoke, voice a little stilted, a little to the left, 

“Will you grow back too?” Hypno looked at him with round eyes. Warren began to stutter, something high and pleading, but Leo couldn't hear. 

“Let him go!” Raph commanded. Why did he care? These were the ones who started it all, who stole the key in the first place, who was Raph to protect them? Leo's brother had the worst kind of savior complex. 

“Nardo, what are you doing?” Donnie asked. He already knew, he asked anyway. Wasn't he supposed to be the logical one? Emotional bad-boy? What a joke.

Hypno would cause nothing but danger for his family. Nothing but trouble. Why did they care? 

“Leo.” Mikey said, soft. He met Leo's gaze, fierce, “Let him go, please. I'm alright.” Oh.

Oh no, no, what was he doing?

“Step out.” He whispered. Hypno scrambled away. Leo let the portal snap close. 

Oh no, no no no no. 

What was he

“Leo?” 

Hate him. He had to go. Had to start. 

Leo slashed in front of himself, stepping through without a second thought. 

Maybe he should have just

No, no, don't think like that. 

Maybe

Leo stumbled, landing heavily on the ground. He pressed his palms into the pavement, cement leaving indents into his skin, cold and damp. Grit coated itself on his knees, tremors working through them in waves. 

No, no, no. 

Maybe

He should have

Stop.

But he couldn't slow his thoughts, ringing through his bones like a bell. 

He should have done it. 

Maybe this was the point of no return, the end, it was over. Regret curling in his gut, a photo in his pocket that he didn't spare a glance. It hitched in his chest, and Leo felt his face grow hot. Burning eyes, burning burning, tears.

A start. 

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

I never wanted this, but maybe it's not such a bad thing part 2 (Preath x Reader)

Part 1

Hope you enjoy :)

Words: 3.2k

Ash had been waiting for me when the elevator finally opened. I had fallen into her arms, not moving for a good 5 minutes as I calmed down. Christen and Tobin were already gone when I pulled myself away from Ash. I hung out with Ash and the kids for an hour or so, trying to forget about the elevator. My mind kept going back to Christen and Tobin. Despite everything that had happened so far, they had helped me through the elevator without a second thought. I had meant what I said about getting to know them before making any decisions. I was quick to dismiss them at first, but they were right, I didn't even give them a chance. From what I had seen they were amazing, people that I could actually see myself having real feelings for if I gave it a chance. It was a terrifying thought, but something I found myself wanting to do regardless. 

I decided the first step was to thank them so I made my way to their room, knocked and waited anxiously until Christen answered the door. "Hey Y/n, everything okay?"

"Um I just wanted to thank you guys, for distracting me in the elevator. I know we haven't had the best start and that's my fault, but I appreciate you guys helping me regardless. It's been months since I've had a panic attack and I'm really glad it didn't get that far. So thank you."

"Any time Y/n, do you want to come in? We're thinking about watching a movie."

I followed Christen into the room, standing awkwardly when I realised there was only one bed and nothing else to sit on. After a few seconds, I sat down on the floor, legs crossed. They offered for me to sit on the bed, but right now it was more comfortable to have a bit of space between us. We made small talk while they tried to find a movie. It was a bit awkward at first, but as time went on, I started to relax and actually enjoy talking with them. 

Tobin cleared her throat a little while later, "In the elevator, you said that you don't do well in confined spaces anymore, what happened? You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable."

This was something I had hoped they wouldn't bring up. When I had said, I had hoped they wouldn't notice that I had indicated something happened. It wasn't something I really liked talking about as it brought back memories that were preferred buried. Although, I didn't feel as uncomfortable with the thought of telling them as I expected to. After a few seconds of internal debate, I decided to just answer. Might as well start the process of getting to know them now. 

"I was a marine. We were out on a routine mission, the guys got out to do a sweep while I stayed in the truck. We uh we were ambushed. The truck was flipped, I ended up trapped by myself for a long time until rescue came. My guys were injured, they weren't able to help. I got over the fear of being in a car pretty quickly, but the fear of being trapped never went away. My military career ended then as well."

"I'm sorry Y/n, I can't imagine how hard that must have been."

"It was, but I'm mostly okay now. I struggled a lot after that, PTSD, nightmares, drinking, but Ali and Ash really helped me get through it. I don't think I would have made it without them."

---

It became an almost nightly routine from then. I would sit on the floor of their room while we talked and properly got to know each other. Sometimes we would watch a movie or play a board game, most of the time we would just talk. It wasn't necessarily deep conversation, occasionally it was. Most of the time it was just getting to know each other, talking about our lives, interests, hobbies, that sort of thing. 

I admit it was nice, just talking to them. My feelings were starting to grow the more time I spent with them. I started getting excited at the thought of seeing them, butterflies would erupt when I saw them, heard their voice or they touched me. When they touched me, it felt like I was on fire, yet at the same time I felt calm, comfortable, more relaxed than I had in a long time. I was starting to want more, to really try being with them. The idea still scared me, though I was starting to think maybe that wasn't such a bad thing, that it was something I could work through with them. 

Instead of rushing into it, I decided to give it a bit more time so I could be sure, so I didn't change my mind later and break their hearts again. Though I did decide on doing something nice for them. A date of sorts without calling it a date. 

"Do you want to get dinner with me? Well a picnic, it's a beautiful night. I was going to go to the beach by myself, but I was hoping maybe you would join me?"

Christen smiled widely, "I would like that."

Tobin took a second, but smiled, "I would too."

I hadn't originally planned for a picnic, therefore I had nothing prepared. They were going to meet me in the lobby in half an hour. I knew that the team dinner would be getting set up so I decided to try my luck. The chef let me pack some stuff I knew they liked into containers. Then I practically ran to the store down the road to pick up some wine and fruit for dessert. I tried not to let the nerves rise too high. We got along and it was just dinner so there was nothing to worry about. That fact that dinner wasn't anything special added to the nerves. What if they thought I didn't actually care?

"So I'll be honest, a picnic wasn't actually in the plans. It just kinda came out so the food is just the team dinner and fruit."

"It doesn't matter to us Y/n, this is perfect. Is that wine?"

"Uh yeah, I hope I remembered correctly what type you like. Plastic cups for obvious reasons."

Christen sent a soft smile my way, hand resting on my arm. There was no way she couldn't tell how nervous I was, "You did, how about we sit down?"

We spent hours on the beach, watching the stars, talking and laughing a lot. Our conversations flowed easily like they did in the hotel room, but it seemed different somehow. They were a little more personal, deeper than previously. We talked more about our fears and what we might want in a relationship. 

I found myself with my head in Christens lap, her fingers running through my hair as I played with Tobin's fingers. The realisation hit me suddenly. There was no doubt left in my mind that I wanted to be with them. I wanted this, I wanted them. They were being so patient with me, waiting for me to make the move, to decide what I wanted. I didn't want to wait anymore.

After abruptly sitting up and facing their concerned faces, I took a deep breath and spoke before the courage went away, "I never wanted any part of this soulmate stuff. It was ridiculous to me, but the more I get to know you, the less I can deny the feelings I have for you both. I don't even think it's necessarily the soulmate thing. You two are kind, caring, patient, amazing in ways I never expected. I want to try this with you, be with you as you know girlfriends. If you might want to that is?"

They looked at each other for a second before nodding, each taking one of my hands as wide smiles stretched across their faces, "Of course we do Y/n. We want nothing more."

---

There was soft music playing in the background as I cleaned up my hotel room. I knew I could get the housekeeping to do it, but I find it therapeutic. Something that came from my military days and stuck. There was knock on the door, Christen waiting on the other side, "What are you up to baby?"

"Cleaning." I replied taking her hand and pulling her into me, "Now dancing."

Christen laughed as she allowed me to guide her around, spinning her around and pulling her back into me. It was like we both froze, staring into each others eyes, "Can I kiss you?"

"You don't have to ask," Christen whispered, leaning in and connecting our lips in a soft, slow kiss. Calmness washed over me, stronger than I had ever felt as I melted into her. I guess it's true what they say, kissing your soulmate is one of the most amazing feelings. It felt right, like the piece I was missing fell back into place as we connected in a way that I had never felt before. 

There was still a piece missing, I knew it was Tobin. I knew we might take a little longer to get here than Christen and I. She was more scared that I was just going to change my mind and decide to leave them, hurting them again. Tobin interacted with me in the same way Christen did, she cuddled with us, joked with me, talked to me. There was a barrier that she kept up though. When we cuddled, she always held Christen, she went on dates with me only when Christen was around as well.

Christen pulled away, leaning her forehead against mine, "What's wrong?"

"I don't want you to think that that kiss wasn't amazing because it was beyond amazing, but I'm thinking about Tobin. I know she's scared, she has every right to be. I'm in this Chris, I just wish I could get her to see that."

"I know. She'll get there Y/n, it might just take a bit of time. Just keep doing what you're doing and you two will be okay."

"Are you okay if I take her out tonight, just the two of us?"

"Of course. I think it'll be good for you guys."

---

There was a high chance that Tobin would make up an excuse as to why she couldn't make it if she knew the date would be the two of us. So I told her it was the three of us. I hated that I lied to her, but we needed to sort things out, spend time together. I was waiting in the lobby, getting more nervous as time went on. To be honest, I was a little bit scared of how Tobin would react when she found out Christen wasn't coming. Whether it be because I lied to her or because she would have to be around me alone. I hated that I felt that way about my girlfriend. 

I shamelessly watched Tobin walk over to me. She was only wearing simple black jeans and white short sleeved blouse, but she had recently cut her hair and looked amazing. Tobin stopped in front of me, her smile dropping when she noticed Christen was there, "Where's Chris? Isn't she supposed to be here?"

"We knew you probably wouldn't come if you knew it was just me. I'm sorry for lying to you, but I wanted this to just be me and you."

"It's fine."

"You don't have to go out with me if you don't want to. I understand."

"I want to be here Y/n."

I decided to be bold, kissing her cheek quickly. It had happened before, just not when it was only us, "You look beautiful by the way. I really like this new hair cut, it suits you."

A small, but genuine smile appeared, "You look pretty good yourself."

We walked along the street in slightly awkward silence until we reached the park. We had dinner reservations, but I had left time so we could talk before hand. I wasn't good at talking about my feelings. Though I knew we were going to get past this and actually work, then we needed to have an honest conversation about it, about us. To my surprise, Tobin let me lace our fingers together.

"Um I was hoping we could talk," Tobin's face dropped again as she tried to pull her hand away. I tightened my grip slightly, kissing the back of her hand, "Hey, it's nothing bad, I swear. I just think we need to have an honest conversation about us. I know you're scared Tobin, about me deciding that I don't want this and leaving you."

She seemed to relax slightly, "Chris told you?"

"She confirmed it. I understand why you're scared. I know it took me a while to come to terms with meeting my soulmates and figuring out what I wanted. That's in the past, without a doubt, I know what I want. I'm not going anywhere Tobin. I'm in this with you both. I want you both. I know words don't mean much, but please let me prove it to you. To be able to do that, I need you to let me in, even if it's only a little bit right now. I'm with you, I'm here to stay. If you still want me that is?"

"Don't even go there. Of course I want you Y/n. You are amazing and I know things are kind of rough between us, but I don't want you to think I don't want this. I know this is mostly my fault. I'm trying to let go of the fear, I really am, it's just harder than I expected.

"It's not your fault. I know you're trying. I don't expect that fear to go away just like that, but I want to take away the reason for that fear. Make your doubts go away."

Tobin smiled, cuddling up under my arm, "I'll stop pulling away so much, but I need you to push me a bit. I know you won't like that idea, being scared holds me back though. There have been times where I've wanted to do things, but the fear holds me back, it stops me. I don't mean force me, just a little push now and then."

I held her closer, kissing her temple, enjoying the feeling of finally getting to hold her properly. The idea of pushing her, made me uncomfortable. I understood where she was coming from though, I mean fear stopped me from taking the chance with them to begin with, "I guess that could be okay, but you have to tell me if it's too much. I don't want to push you too far."

"Deal, so you and Chris kissed huh? It's pretty great isn't it?"

I laughed loudly, of course Christen had told her, "It was. Chris is amazing. Are you okay with that? Us moving at a different speed to me and you."

"She really is. You guys go at whatever speed is right for you, we'll catch up. I um please don't go further without me though. I know Chris and I have already gone there, but with the three of us that's a big step, we shou-"

"It was never going to happen without you. Those important steps in our relationship happen together, with all of us."

"Thank you. It's weird, being out with out Chris. We've always done everything together. It is nice though, spending some time with you. I think it's what we needed to get out of the limbo we're in."

Things between us were a lot more comfortable after our talk. During dinner we connected in a way we hadn't before. Our conversations flowed easily as I let her in. I had told them somethings about my time in the marines and what happened after, but it was more superficial, a retelling rather than me actually opening up to them about the feelings involved. I knew that opening up would be an important part of progressing our relationship. I also still had nightmares, which I would rather them know before the sleep overs started. Of course Tobin was amazing, she held my hand listening as I talked before reassuring me that they would always be there when I needed them. 

It felt like we had already made progress. Since our conversation, Tobin actively sought my touch. Whether it was lacing our fingers together, wrapping her arms around me or resting them on my hips at the arcade or tucking herself under my arm as we walked along the beach. 

An hour or so later, we just stood outside their hotel room, neither of us making the move to leave. I knew it had to, but I didn't want the night to end. Even though they still made me nervous, when I was around either of them, I was relaxed, happy. It made leaving them hard. 

"Thank you for tonight Y/n. I had a great time."

I kissed her cheek, "Me too Tobes. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Tobin went to open the door, but quickly turned around, cupping my cheek and connecting our lips. There was something about it that made me weak at the knees. Maybe it was the passion behind it. Given our relationship so far, I was slightly surprised by it. Regardless, I reciprocated with just as much passion. I had been waiting for this moment for weeks. Ever since I let in the idea of being with them, my feelings had grown quicker than I could keep up. They were all I could think about most of the time, I wanted to be around them and if I wasn't, I just wanted to talk to them. I was comfortable, I felt safe with them which didn't happen with people often.

She pulled away slowly, smile stretching across her face, "Sorry that was out of no where, I've been thinking about doing that for a long time."

I cupped her cheek, leaving a lingering kiss on her lips, "Don't be, I've been wanting to do that for weeks."

"Things went well then?" Christens voice came from behind us. I wrapped my arm around her, kissing her cheek.

"You could say that. Thank you for being okay with us going out without you, we needed it. You were right Chris, we're going to be okay. We did miss you though."

Christen smiled, pecking both of our lips, "Of course I'm okay with you going out, we don't always have to be the three of us. We're together, but we're going to have different connections, different things we like doing. You have surfing, we have meditation, we all have hiking, and that's okay. I'm glad you had the chance to talk things out."

My fingers were laced with Tobin's as she asked a question that surprised me, "Do you want to come in? I don't think I'm ready for tonight to end yet."

"Neither am I."

[spnjediavenger]

It Won't Last Forever (Chapter 2)

Title: It Won’t Last Forever (Chapter 2)

Type: multi-chapter; father!Hotch x teen!daughter!reader, some bau x teen!reader (platonic!)

Warnings: canon-typical Criminal Minds sadness and/or violence

POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNINGS: panic attack description, flashbacks, alludes to PTSD

Spoilers: S5 SPOILERS

Notes: This chapter is much shorter than the last since the scene has been set but hopefully it’s still good!

The panic attack and PTSD description is a mix of my own experience and some I read online - this is not how ALL panic attacks and PTSD are experienced.

As always, love and/or constructive/friendly criticism is welcome and encouraged!

Word count: 1258

“Trauma fractures comprehension as a pebble shatters a windshield. The wound at the site of impact spreads across the field of vision, obscuring reality and challenging belief.” Jane Leavy

“Ok, babygirl, you know the drill - tell me five things you can see,” Morgan coaxed gently to the girl in front of him. Hotch was needed out of town and Morgan elected to stay behind and watch over Y/n. While she was open to help, she didn’t want to see a therapist. Hotch was against this but was temporarily more lenient since she had his team to help her with her PTSD symptoms. If things got worse, then she would see someone.

“Y- I see you, the-the door, the picture of mom,” Y/n ended the last word in a sad cry.

“Come on, sweetheart, you’re doin’ good. Two more things you can see, stay with me now.”

Y/n sniffled and took a couple breaths. “My bedspread, the floor.”

“Alright, good job. Now four things you can feel.”

The girl ran her hand over her bed. “My knitted blanket…the body pillow behind me…my cheeks are wet,” she sniffled again. “And your hands.”

Morgan gave hers a squeeze. “Good. Three things you can hear.”

“Your voice…cars outside…the air conditioner.”

“Two you can smell.”

“The candle…and I can still smell the detergent on my clothes.”

“Taste?”

She let out a sad, quiet chuckle. “The salt from my tears.”

Morgan let go of one of her hands to wipe said tears from her cheeks.

“That was perfect, sweetheart. How do you feel?”

“Better,” she admitted. This wasn’t the first time one of the team walked her through a panic attack exercise and probably wouldn’t be the last. She could do them by herself at times but it was always better when she had someone with her. Each member of the team had their own methods to help her too. Morgan and JJ typically went with the five things method; Spencer would try and help her regain her breathing while he talked to her, his voice calming to her and helping her to focus on something other than her symptoms; Emily would try and ground her by getting her to pay attention to her surroundings and everything she could feel; Penelope hadn’t been needed too much but when it did happen she, like Reid, would just talk to the girl and try to stay calm herself; Rossi would guide her breathing, squeezing her hands for her to breath in and out; and her dad would hold her and do whatever else she needed. He would usually let her tell him what would help her most in each situation because many of them were different; it was these times when he was most grateful for his team and all the calming methods they taught his daughter.

Right now, it had been Morgan’s turn again.

Morgan smiled and tapped her chin. “That’s my girl.” She offered a half smile. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

The girl frowned again and looked down at her hands, still being held by one of Morgan’s. Y/n squeezed his hand a bit and took a deep breath.

“I just came across one of dad’s guns. And suddenly it was in my hands and I was back there again. I’m so tired of this, De,” she whined softly, looking into his eyes.

Morgan sighed and tucked some stray hair behind one of her ears. “I know, babygirl. I know. And I’m sorry you have to go through this. But it’s all part of trauma, unfortunately. But your dad and your aunts and uncles are all here for you to help you through it. I know it’s hard now but just remember that it won’t last forever.”

Y/n couldn’t help but smile at that.

“What?”

“That’s what Spencer says.”

“And he’s right. But then again, when is pretty boy ever wrong?” Morgan added, rolling his eyes a bit but smiling when that got a genuine laugh out of Y/n. “Ohhh there’s that beautiful laugh we all love so much.”

The girl looked at him and wrapped her arms around him. “I love you, Uncle De.”

He hugged her in turn, holding a hand to her head. “I love you too, babygirl. We’ll all be here for you through it all, ok?”

“Ok.”

Morgan: Y/n/n is asleep. Had a rough day so maybe let her stay asleep when you get back. Your little man is waiting for you though

Hotch frowned and sighed before replying.

Hotch: OK. Fill me in when I get in please

Morgan: Will do

As much as Hotch wanted to see his little girl, he knew he should let her sleep. So when he walked into his home, he happily but quietly greeted Jack when he ran over to him.

“Jack! Hey, buddy!” he whisper-yelled.

“Daddy, I missed you!” his son whisper-yelled back. “Uncle D said Y/n is sleeping and to be quiet,” he informed his father.

Hotch smiled at his son’s thoughtfulness to his big sister. “That’s nice of you, buddy. Did you have a good time with your Uncle D?”

“Yeah! We played a lot and he helped Y/n when she was sad.”

Hotch gave a sad smile that Morgan shared. “That’s good. Alright, it’s pretty late, bud. Why don’t you get into bed and I’ll tuck you in when I put my stuff down?”

“Ok!”

To his word, Hotch put his son to bed when he put his things away. He then went back out to the living room. He sat in one of the chairs to face Morgan on the couch.

“So what happened?” Hotch asked him.

Morgan sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together. “She got triggered when she saw one of your guns while looking for something. I helped calm her down but she got pretty tired after that.”

Hotch sighed again and ran a hand down his face. “I-”

He was cut off when a scream sounded from down the hall.

“I’ll keep Jack in his room, you go to her,” Morgan said as both men got to their feet.

“Daddy?” Jack’s voice came.

“Hey, it’s ok, little man,” Morgan said as he went into the boy’s room. “Your sister is just having a bad dream. Come with me, ok?”

As Jack followed him, Hotch went to Y/n’s room to find her writhing in her bed and crying, eyes still closed. He knelt on her bed and gently grabbed her shoulders, making her let out one more scream and open her eyes, shooting up in bed.

“Daddy?” she said, panting.

“It’s alright, honey, it was just a dream. You’re home with me,” Hotch soothed, running a hand over her messy hair.

Y/n let out a breath and ran her hands over her face as she caught her breath.

Hotch sighed as well and didn’t wait to address the elephant in the room. “It’s getting worse, Y/n. I know you don’t want to do therapy but we can’t avoid it anymore. You’re still a minor, I technically don’t need your consent to send you to therapy but I would feel a lot better if I had it.”

Y/n searched her father’s eyes before looking away and nodding. The man let out a relieved sigh and pulled her in for a hug.

“Can one of you always be with me though?” she asked with a small voice.

“Of course, sweetheart.”

The girl nodded into his shoulder and continued hugging him, relishing in his warmth and comfort. She hated the idea of having to let a stranger into her personal life but she knew this wouldn’t go away without help.

Kiera Cass said: “Accepting help is its own kind of strength.”

[wannab-urs]

Outtakes - Non-smut Vol 1

AO3 | Kofi | Main Masterlist | The Spreadsheet Masterlist | Vol 2

Hi friends! Sometimes we want fics that are SFW or we just want to make ourselves sad or we need a little pick me up. I'm here with a list of fics that have no (explicit) smut as of posting! They may have smutty thoughts or mild allusions to smut, but those are marked in the warnings!

I know, me, posting non-smut fics.... but they deserve love too! Note that while many of these are rated T, they are posted on blogs that are 18+ so MDNI <3

Summaries and tags are, in most cases, provided by the author - please be sure to read them as some of these fics may have content you do not wish to read.

Updated 5/24/2024

Whiskey, Dark and Deep - Jack - @prolix-yuy

Summary: In the short time you’ve known Jack Daniels, he’s disappointed you three times. Warnings: M, violence, blood, injuries, gunfights, so so so much yearning, full on cowboy tropes.

A bearable weight - Javi G - prolix-yuy

Summary: New Years Eve is the holiday of new beginnings, and you take a leap to see if Javi might be one of them. Story Warnings: T, plenty of sweetness, more ridiculousness because I can’t help myself, some lightly spicy kisses.

One Hundred and Fifty Seven - Din - @theidiotwhowritesthings

Summary: Din fakes his death for some reason. They leave reader behind thinking he’s dead. Months go by and he returns but reader is like super not okay. Say she’s been super into spice because then she can see Din when she’s high. Anyway, happy ending but loooots of angst please! Also, can it be a bit between him returning and reader being okay with him being back?” Warnings: angst with happy end, drug use, drug addiction, mentions of death, brief canon violence, self loathing, anxiety, self doubt, boba adopts reader b/c i couldn’t resist

In an instant - Joel - @mishasminion360

Summary: Happy Birthday, Joel Miller... Warnings: Um…..😳🙄 (ed. note: I hate to spoil the story, but since this list is intented to help people avoid triggers, I must; Major Character Death (reader), angst, loss of pregnancy)

It would be - Din - @fuckyeahdindjarin

Summary (aka prompt I gave myself): ‘It would be easier if you just married him.’ Warnings: angst, jealousy, fighting, pining, yearning, no use of Y/N

Just Keep Breathing - Javi P - @swiftispunk

Summary: javi finds it harder and harder to keep up with the more physical aspects of his job. reader offers him some love and words of comfort. warnings etc: BODY REPRESENTATION <3 (reader is described as having thicker thighs, a belly, and crow’s feet), smoking + smoking related health issues, hurt/comfort, back massages, fluff, angst, bein in ur 30s/40s, established relationship. probably bad spanish (please correct me). NO USE OF Y/N.

Every Pilot Needs a Wingman - Frankie - @kikis-writing-world

Summary: You have been pining quietly over your neighbor for months. He hasn’t noticed, but apparently his friend has… Warnings: Smutty thoughts - grey sweatpants should be their own warning. Fleeting mentions of masturbation and sex toys. Swearing. Santi gives the reader tips on how to impress/pick up Frankie, I don’t know if that might come off as shady or triggering to people so I want to mention that.

A girl walks into a bookshop - Ezra - @oonajaeadira

Summary: Set a couple of years after the events of the film. Ezra owns a bookshop. You walk in. Warnings: The coziest, softest romance. They do work up to intimacy, but it is sequestered in it’s own chapter–the “Interlude”–which can be skipped without losing any of the story. 

Breathe Through It - Joel - @tommysversion

Summary: you have a panic attack. Joel helps. Warnings: Descriptions of mental health conditions (namely PTSD, but can be read as any anxiety based disorder with panic attacks) / graphic description of a panic attack / some adult language/ references to past trauma (nothing explicitly described but inferred).

A kiss before dying and in death we combine - Joel - oonajaeadira

Summary: When Joel becomes infected, you make the decision not to leave him alone. Warnings: Blood and wounds. Bodily character death. Loss. Love that hurts. Sex of course, but blurred to the edges. Playing fast and loose with the cordyceps and how fast it grows.

102 - Frankie - @tieronecrush

summary: every week, you and frankie meet up at the same spot at the same time to catch-up and share a coffee. you’ve been his best friend for years. through thick and thin, always there. thing is, frankie’s been in love with you for nearly as long as he’s known you and hasn’t worked up the courage to tell you. warnings: no use of Y/N, post-film timeline, au where frankie doesn’t have a kid, use of pet names (solecita, mi mejor), high school level spanish (mostly swear words), unrequited love, self deprecation, alcohol use/drunkenness, smoking

Safe in my arms - Ezra - mishasminion360

Summary: Ezra harbors a secret hatred for his absent arm, but his feelings come to a head when his newly acquired handicap fails to do the one task he vowed never to fail in: keep you safe from harm. Warnings: Language; light angst; feelings of insecurity; body dysmorphia; brief allusions to smut; hurt/comfort; fluff.

Leave Off Your Wandering - Joel - oonajaeadira

Summary: An area native, long-term resident and shepherd in Jackson, you prefer quiet and isolation and the company of sheep. It seems this new resident Joel Miller and his young ward might share your interests. Warnings: M (possible canon violence and language. most likely non-explicit sex further down the line.) (ed. note; no smut as of chapter 2)

Peace - Joel - swiftispunk

summary: jackson era, post-tlou. you and joel discuss what it means to die. warnings: angst and fluff, discussions of death and dying, discussions of sex but nothing too explicit, age difference implied but not specified (joel is older than you but the number of years is not relevant), established relationship. NO USE OF Y/N.

This is me trying - Joel/Ellie platonic!! - swiftispunk

summary: jackson. a flashback on a film reel sparks a memory. joel tells ellie how it feels. warnings: angst, discussions of child loss, discussions of grief and death, ig fluff

Epiphany - Joel - @jksprincess10

Summary: Your new neighbor is a war veteran with a lot of scars. (1k words) Warnings: AU where Joel is in the military, age gap, PTSD, anxiety, insomnia, allusions to smut, suicidal thoughts, sad ending. Beware!! 

Significant - Din - softlyspector

Summary: Din has been calling you riduur for months. You finally find out what it means, and get a little more than you bargained for. Warnings: pining, absolute FOOLS in love, bit of grumpy x sunshine, lil angsty, possibly incorrect lore, fluff, lots of Mando'a (translations for the Mando'a at the end

A pile of cards - Javi P - @undercoverpena

summary: it’s become a tradition. he presents you with a birthday card so you can collect his words, while he collects the expressions you share as you read them. warnings: javi through the seasons, narcos season two/three spoilers. cute, fluff. happy ending.

Fire - Din - jksprincess10

Summary: None Warnings: fluff fluff fluff, mutual pining, idiots in love, this is pretty short, mando still has the crest, canon divergent.

Honeyed - Joel - softlyspector

Summary: You hate being touched, but you might be willing to put aside your discomfort for a tattoo from Joel. Warnings: slow build, no outbreak tattoo!au, reader has issues with touch and is mostly touch adverse, tattoos and getting tattooed (the reader only has one tattoo that is described in any detail), description of a past abusive relationship and a bad experience getting tattooed, insecurity, anxiety, loneliness, implied undefined past trauma with men, Joel gets to have both his daughters in this, you can decide if this is game joel or show joel

The Art of Healing - Marcus Pike - @northernbluess

Summary: Marcus Pike was feeling lost—unfulfilled and unmoored. After a failed marriage, heartbreak courtesy of his ex-fiancée and relocating to D.C., Marcus knew that he needed more than the FBI. Seven years later, Marcus has traded in Special Agent for Doctor and is now a clinical psychologist specialising in art therapy. He combines his two loves of art and psychology, spurred on by his experience in art crimes, FBI psych courses and his own time in therapy. Josephine is referred to Dr Pike, having just been discharged from treatment for an eating disorder. While Dr Pike is fresh to his new career, he is knowledgeable, warm, kind and attentive. Over time, as she bares her soul to him, he falls for her and the bond between them ties both their heads in knots. As her therapist he knows it’s wrong but he begins to feel incapable of separating his feelings from his work. Before long neither can truly live without the other — if only she knew that. Warnings: (warnings will be specified in each individual chapter, however, please read these carefully) Art Therapist!Marcus Pike, eating disorder, therapy, mentions of disordered eating patterns, hurt/comfort, slow burn, lots of pining and tension, angst, age gap, strained familial relationships, so much softness and feelings, eventual smut (ed. note: no smut as of chapter 5 and worth the read up to that point)

The Man That I Love - Joel - @lumoverheaven

Summary: None (ed. note: Joel is an idiot who doesn't know what he has until he almost loses it). Warnings: None (ed. note: angst)

Not Strong Enough - Joel - @beskarandblasters

Summary: Fem!Reader and Joel are in an established relationship, having met shortly after the events in Kansas City. They’re living in Jackson, Wyoming together, post Salt Lake City with Ellie. Things are going well until an incident happens during patrol and Joel questions whether or not he’s good enough. Written in third person. Warnings: angst, feeling inadequate, canon types of violence, swearing, bar fight, Joel is an asshole :/

Do You Love Me - Dieter - me

Summary: here is a fluffy (by my standards) little drabble in the A Ghost of You universe. Can be read standalone Warnings: There's just some kissing and no mentions of anything bad because I'd never do anything bad to D, would I?

Thunder Buddies - Joel - me

Summary: Joel comforting reader who is scared of thunderstorms Warnings: descriptions of a panic attack, Joel being adorable, cuddling, cuteness, a distinct lack of angst or smut - which is really weird coming from me.

Wash Day - Marcus P - @secretelephanttattoo

Summary: Some completely self-indulgent romantic fluff about Marcus Pike washing your hair. Warnings: none

Personal Best - Marcus P - secretelephanttattoo

Summary: This picture of Pedro holding a dog inspired me to write a fluffy meet-cute for Marcus Pike & Reader. I'm feeling 90s romantic comedy vibes, I don't know if I'll write anything more on this but we'll see if people like it. Warnings: none

Context and Perspective - Marcus M - @elvenmother

Summary: The newest member of the Heroics has gone missing and as one of the better-known Villains on the scene, you are blamed. Then your sidekick goes missing. You must go after the Heroic’s leader to try to get them back and clear your name. Warnings: Swearing, mentions of injuries, mentions of blood

A Very Furby Christmas - Joel - @proxima-writes

Summary: it’s christmas eve 1998 and joel miller thinks everything is perfect. well, until his brother admits he didn’t get sarah the one present she wanted - the furby. now, joel has to go out on christmas eve to find the year’s hottest toy that’s been sold out for months. turns out, you’re on the same mission. and you’ve both found the last furby in town. Warnings: pre-outbreak, no use of y/n, holiday/christmas fic, the last toy trope, no smut, age gap - not explicitly specified but joel is 31 and reader is mid-20s, the great miller gingerbread construction competition, operation get sarah miller a furby, some kissing.

The Haunting of Dieter Bravo - Dieter - @idolatrybarbie Summary: "ghosts aren't real, except when they are." Warnings: referenced substance abuse, mentions of alcohol, dieter is sober, one song-based joke (please get it plsplspls), reader is gender neutral, a good ol' haunting tale.

The Locksmith - The Thief - oonajaeadira

Summary: A Thief you’ve known for years and have conflicting feelings for brings you a gift. The gift is a not only a puzzle in itself, but part of a larger mystery, one only you can crack. Warnings: reader is an adult, reader is AFAB, no physical descriptions of reader

A Piece of Cake - Frankie - idolatrybarbie

Summary: It's been a long time since you've seen Frankie Morales. Warnings: Angst, discussion of addiction, mentions of cocaine, alcohol consumption, bowling

The Parents That Are Left - Joel - @frenchiereading

Summary: There weren't many patrol partners Joel Miller tolerated: his brother and Iris. On a cold January day, Joel pays her mother a visit and finds out you can bond over anything. Unfortunately. Warnings: canon-typical violence and language, heavy angst, talks/mentions/descriptions of death and dead bodies, heavy discussions/thoughts of feelings/grief/guilt, suicidal thoughts, alcohol consumption, Jackson-era Joel, no reader, no y/n, OFC, not a single ounce of romance

For the Love of Horror - Dieter - @coulsons-fullmetal-cellist

Summary: Dieter and you watch a scary movie. Warnings: No use of y/n, horror movies, euphemisms, fluff, suggestive language

Stages of Grief - Joel - @bonezone44

Summary: After a tense interaction with a family member who raised you when you were little, you spiral. Joel talks you through it. Warnings: Gender neutral reader, familial trauma, angst, grief, neglect, trauma, childhood emotional/physical abuse

The Riding Lesson - Jack - @bluestar22x

Summary: When you are hired at a ranch as a trail guide, the owner asks the foreman to teach you how to ride Western style. Warnings: Suggestive thoughts, sexual tension, equestrian terms

Frankie and Din - Frankie/Din - @avastrasposts

Summary: a one-shot with our favourite pilot, sweet Frankie and our favourite space boy, broody Din based on the line; "Go on then, space boy, fly this.” Warnings: none

Light Only Shows You Where the Shadow Are - Max Phillips - oonajaeadira

Summary: The only thing that can get rid of a minor jerk is a major jerk. Warnings: Non-consensual attention (not Max), stalker behavior (when there’s trouble, Max always seems to be watching from nearby), vampire violence.

It's always been you - Dieter - @alwaysmicado

Summary: After a year of dating Dieter Bravo, you are forced to face reality. All good things must come to an end, right? Warnings: angst, age gap (unspecified), swearing, brief mention of p in v sex, brief mention of disordered eating and suicide, mention of black eye, toxic relationship, drug use, reader's coping mechanisms are unhealthy

John Wayne - Joel - @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin

Summary: twenty years after the world ended, you find yourself face to face with Tommy Miller. The brother of the man who was your boyfriend at the time of the outbreak. Warnings: talk of attempted suicide, child loss, grief, angst

illicit affairs - Joel @chaotic-mystery

Summary: it’s my take on what illicit affairs means. Every time I listened to it I imagined Joel, specifically dbf Joel. I hope the swifties go *easy* on me and pls don’t say anything if you didn’t like it. Warnings: angst. And more angst. Swearing, forbidden relationship, arguing, fwb, alluded age gap but not specified. Use of nicknames (kid, baby……don’t look at me ok I didn’t do IT), reader is not physically described, no use of y/n.

Stay Close to Me - Jack - @alwaysbethewest

Summary: You're a rookie agent sent to work undercover with Jack as a married couple!Fake/undercover marriage! Statesman casefic! Warnings: A little romance, kissing, coarse language, very mild peril and hurt/comfort, and a splash of alcohol. Reader is a junior agent and has some muscle but otherwise no physical/age descriptions. As with any good Kingsman fic, my first step was to disregard half of canon, so this is either pre-movie or an AU.

To Know the Light - Din - @burntheedges

Summary: to go in the dark with a light is to know the light. Warnings: fluff, a teensy bit of angst, introspection, winter, food mention, reader has no description, gn!reader

O, Christmas Tree - Dieter - @covetyou

Summary: As PA to Dieter Bravo, you were used to the strange, unusual and downright weird. What you weren't used to was taking in a shipment of - what? And how many? Warnings: sex toys (so many butt plugs), Dieter being a menace to his PA, no smut, pure silliness.

In Fiction - Dieter - @sin-djarin

Summary: Dieter comes to bed. Warnings: Established relationship, mentions of self doubt, no physical description of reader, no dialogue, no use of y/n.

The Serpent Under It - Dave York - @brandyllyn

Summary: Dave is very good at his job Warnings: Canon typical violence. kinda dark yo, soulmate AU

I'll Leave a Light On For You - Max Phillips - oonajaeadira

Summary: Max has reservations when it comes to love, and for very good reasons. Warnings: Angst. Character death. Allusions to the atrocities of war and its lasting effects. Max is a vampire. Traumatic soul memory. Me assuming I know anything about French culture of the 1930s.

Cocoon - Joel - secretelephanttattoo

Summary: A short ode to Joel's coat. / a bath with Joel Warnings: Angst and intimacy. 1 reference to blood and allusion to canon typical violence (nothing is described)

Home - Frankie - @dancingtotuyo

Summary: Frankie always comes home to you. Warnings: fluff, angst, girl dad!frankie, recovering!Frankie, references to drug use, references to violence, trauma, healing.

Negotiations - Max Phillips - prolix-yuy

Summary: Max Phillips never found marketing to be all that helpful. Hell, running an ad on Facebook was easy enough. But then you walked in the door and he knew he had to have you, in all the ways he could. Warnings: T, descriptions of male and female bodies, some fantasizing and suggestive themes.

sweets for my sweet; sweets from my sweet - Ezra - @tinytinymenace

Summary: you are a cook at an exploration camp and one of the miners asks you about Earth and brings you a treat Warnings: Brief mentions of planet death (RIP Earth) and strained family dynamics but on balance this is soft.

Caught Kissing Santa - Dave York - @wildemaven

Summary: Alice saw you kissing Santa Claus Warnings: reader is married to Dave and stepmom to his kids, mentions of food and drinks, non-religious Christmas celebrations and Santa beliefs, alluding to sexy time but no smut, kissing, mentions reader is wearing pajama pants, fluff, soft Dave, one use of ‘good girl’.

Unwind - Dieter - @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin

Summary: Dieter helps you unwind when you get your period after an already long day. Warnings: established relationship, reader menstruates, drug use (marijuana), reference to past drug use, reference to bad horror movies, Dieter being our favorite trash panda, sweet, fluff, domesticity

One Night - Marcus P - secretelephantattoo

Summary: You get one night with Marcus Pike. Warnings: Implied/referenced smut but nothing is explicitly described. Smoking and alcohol. Angst because they only have one night together. Marcus is a flirty menace. House party nostalgia. Heavy petting in a stairwell

Lovesick - Joel - prolix-yuy

Summary: You've been greedy for Joel for too long. Warnings: descriptions of wound care and blood, allusions to dubcon due to drinking and drug use, no actual smut

---------------------------------

Happy Reading!

[buffyromanoff]

Little By Little

Summary: Your girlfriend is dealing with ptsd after a difficult secret mission and its your duty to let her know she doesn't have to hide her pain from you. This is a sequel to ''Let it out'' but also works as a oneshot so don't worry if you havent read it ;)

Warnings: Ptsd related panic attack.

Genre: Slight angst, fluffy comfort

Word count: 1114

-------------------------------------------

The small but heavy paws of Liho walking all over your body woke you up. "Mghrr," you mumbled sleepily. "Morning, sweetheart," Nat said as she gave you a soft kiss on the forehead. Last night, she had fallen asleep in your arms, but now you were the one being held by her strong embrace.

"Your cat hates me," your groggy voice said, making her laugh.

"Well, technically it's our cat now."

Liho curled up next to her, purring.

"Are you feeling better today, Natty?"

She smiled. "You're pretty darn cute when you wake up, malyshka." Of course, she ignored the question. "Also, when you call me Natty, it makes me feel young again… It's weird how the smallest gestures can make such a big difference, isn't it?"

You yawned before sitting up and kissing your girlfriend on her plump lips. "Oh, okay grandma," you teased her.

"Oh, c'mon y/n, you know what I mean, silly."

You knew Natasha had a dark past and it made you emotional to have these little cute moments with her at home. You knew she felt the same way. She longed for a normal domestic life and loved being part of a family, no matter how small or big. Right now, having Liho and you was more than enough for her.

After some morning cuddles, you got up and made breakfast for the two of you. The need to demand her to open up and tell you what happened during her last mission was extremely strong, but you knew you didn't want to push her, considering her current mental state and the bad panic attack she had last night.

"You know you can tell me anything, right? Nothing you say is ever going to scare me or push me away, you know?" God, you were not subtle.

"Mhm," she nodded and then continued eating her pancakes in silence. "Thanks for breakfast." She stood up, giving you a quick kiss on the head before leaving the kitchen.

"She's mad, great job, y/n," you thought to yourself. Why couldn't you just leave her alone? Why couldn't you let her come to you instead of pushing her to talk? Although… you just told her that you were there for her. That's not bad, is it?

In an attempt to stop overthinking, you decided to go grocery shopping.

"Nat?" You peeked into the home gym you and Nat had. She was boxing. Her punches were frantic,and sweat was covering her bruised skin. "Yea?" Her fists still swinging. "Going to the store, do you need anything?" you asked her.

"Nope."

"You sure?"

"Mhm."

"You're absolutely sure you don't need anything?" It was clear you were not just talking about groceries.

Natasha stopped punching the bag and walked towards you, putting her hand on your shoulder. "I'm alright, babe. Go ahead. I promise I'll be less sweaty when you come back."

--

You opened the door, holding paper bags filled with groceries, letting some of them drop to the floor. "Shit."

Nat walked in, letting out a small chuckle. "Here, let me help you." She grabbed the bags and started sorting them out.

"You smell good," you kissed her hello, "no stinky gym stench," you joked, making her laugh. "Exactly as I promised," she replied.

"Gonna make some coffee, you want some?" You looked at her and smiled. "You know I always do."

The two of you were sitting on the couch, drinking coffee and watching some random TV show.

"That guy kinda looks like Tony, don't you think?" you said, pointing to the TV.

"I went back to the red room," Natasha let out a nervous sigh, "He's dead now."

She definitely took you by surprise.

"You mean Dreyk-" Nat interrupted you before you could finish saying the evil man's name. "Yeah…and his daughter—all the other widows, they're free now." The redhead was doing her best to keep it together.

"Oh my goodness, Nat…that's great news!" You were expecting her to smile back at you, but she didn't.

"I want to tell you more about it. I don't ever want you to feel like I don't trust you enough to share my feelings, but-"

"Baby, it's okay. I know it's hard for you to open up. I'm so proud of you for trying," you spoke in the sweetest tone.

She was trying to say something, but her breathing was accelerating, and tears welled up in her eyes.

"Hey, hey, c'mere, baby, you're alright." You pulled her close to you, wrapping her in a tight embrace. "I love you so much, remember to breathe in deep and then let it out slowly, okay?" Luckily, it was easier for her to calm down, considering there was no sensory trigger this time.

"I don't know what I would do without you, y/n." It was still strange for you to see your girlfriend in such a vulnerable state, but that just made you realize how much you truly loved her and that you were willing to do anything to protect her.

"I don't know what I would do without you, Natty."

The TV show kept playing in the background as the two of you snuggled, and of course, Liho joined you.

"Y/n, I forgot to tell you something," Nat said.

"You can tell me more about it tomorrow. Take your time, darling." You caressed her cheek with your fingers.

"No, no, it's something else." Her tone was definitely different now, more relaxed.

"Oh, okay then, spill." You replied with curiosity.

"My… my family is coming to visit," she looked you in the eyes.

"Cool! I haven't seen them in AGES! I actually have something I want to give to Steve, an old vinyl he might like-"

"No, it's not them… it's my other family," she said, and you couldn't look more confused. "From Russia."

"WHAT?! How come you never talked to me about them?!" You were shocked but mostly excited by this new information, and that made your girlfriend smile. "I have a younger sister, Yelena. I feel you'll get along."

"Oh my god?! When is she coming? When are THEY coming? Oh, and is she a widow like you? Is-"

"Okay, okay, slow down there, detective," Nat interrupted. "Yes, she is a widow like me. And they're coming over next week. Yelena, Melina, and Alexei."

"I'm so excited, Natty." You hugged her.

"I don't know if I am, to be honest… they can be quite embarrassing," she let out a nervous chuckle.

"Oh, then I'm even more excited. Can't wait to hear embarrassing stories about you," you teased, and she shook her head. "Oh, I'm SO gonna regret this."