#They're fictional and I need to motivate myself to take care of myself

[cheesycatz]

The Wormton AU is officially two years old now! (I really gotta start writing faster...) For the occasion, I redrew the original two sketches of Wormton. I had a few ideas before I came up with the winner, but this was the first time he was a "computer worm" rather than just some worm on a string adjacent thing(s). Honestly, he hasn't changed that much; just became more fleshed out as a character and fictional species (and the fact that he used to be 3 feet tall).

The fic is officially at 150k words! That's about three Great Gatsbys, or one A Tale of Two Cities if you prefer. I'll yap about it below.

Ahh, is any "take him home" style Spamton fic complete without him running away from the person trying to help him at some point? This might be the second time, actually. Does it still count as running away if you stalk someone daily afterwards? Unrelated question.

I've got an entire pile of angst to get through before these guys' relationship can be salvaged. Spamton really doesn't want to address his feelings, so he plays into the addisons' assumptions that his motivations were entirely transactional and that he is physically incapable of caring about them. And, when the addisons have so little to work with in the first place, it's an easy lie for him to spread, to the point where even Blue thinks he hates them at this point. This story would be so much shorter if this mf was mentally stable enough to be honest about his positive feelings instead of trying to repress them. Bro is so deep in the platonic closet

I got to write a (mostly verbal) fight scene? It was fun writing Pink chew Spamton out, because, while they're definitely still grossed out by him, they never hold his malworm status against him. They see him as a parasite because of the way he acts, not because he physically is one. I want Pink and the others to seem justified in their anger/disappointment, even if the readers would know that's he's not really as heartless as he claims to be. Trying to remove the pissed off 16 ft long writhing mass of muscle, teeth, and claws freeloading in your friend's closet by hand was never a good idea, though.

Man, I wanna talk about the plot in detail so badly 😭 I must limit myself to scraps so that I spend more time writing the fic than rambling about it. Last thing I'll say for now is that I've finally got a good plan for the resolution! The final length depends on how much fluff I want to add to the end. I need at least a little bit to make up for all this angst

[floydsteeth]

Want Charles or Rio to take care of me :(

[tlbodine]

Characters care about external stakes. READERS care about internal stakes.

OK. Here's a distinction I've recently started to think about and really notice after reading and watching some things that handle this poorly.

Fiction needs stakes, right? We all agree on that?

Characters have to be doing something, and they need some reason to do things, and there has to be some kind of reward for succeeding or consequence if they fail, yeah?

Cool. So here's the thing about stakes. They can be internal or external.

External stakes are things like: "if we don't do this, the sun will explode" or "if we do this, we'll win the game."

Often, to make things more interesting, external stakes have a ticking clock attached to them. You have to complete your quest before the next full moon or else the spell won't work for another hundred years. You have to score the winning point before the buzzer goes off in five seconds. That tension is important to shuffling the story forward.

But here's the thing.

The reader doesn't give a fuck about the external stakes and the ticking clock. We know perfectly well they're not going to miss the window for the spell or fuck up the finals game. We understand how stories work and how genre conventions work and you're not impressing anyone with your ticking clock.

What readers do actually care about is a character's internal stakes.

Internal stakes are things like "if I can save the world, I can finally absolve myself of guilt for letting my mom die." Or "if I win this game, my crush will finally notice me."

They are personal motivations. They are the reason why your character cares about what they're doing. They are why we care and how we get invested in their story.

Because like. We're humans. At the end of the day, we care about human things and we have human emotions and we relate to people -- even fake people made of scribbles on paper -- who care about stuff the way we care about stuff.

Raising the stakes doesn't mean "make the sun explode if they fail." Raising the stakes means "we care about this person and want to see them succeed."

So why bother with the external conflict and the ticking time clock? If what we actually care about in a story is the person, why can't we just read a couple hundred pages of the character going through therapy and working through their trauma?

Because what that ticking time clock does is it forces a character to act before they're ready. It prevents them from procrastinating. And it makes them do stuff they're not prepared for. And it's thrilling to see them interact with stuff that way, because it forces them out of their comfort zone and into an area where they can grow and challenge their status quo...which is the thing that pushes on those internal conflict bruises.

Imagine that our heroes have as much time as they need to fulfill the prophecy. They can take their time training, studying, making failsafes and backup plans and then go and the plan goes off without a hitch and they save the day without breaking a sweat. That's boring! That's just people going to work. That doesn't force them to confront their inner demons at all! That doesn't rip them from their existing environment and leave them struggling to adapt to new circumstances!

So those external stakes are necessary to keep the plot rolling forward and put pressure on the characters. But ALL OF THAT is only important if that pressure reveals interesting things about those characters, and forces them to engage with the stuff deep inside that they're probably hiding from. Because that's the part that's juicy and interesting for the reader.

Capiche?

[atsadi-shenanigans]

Writer Interview Game!

Thank you so much for the tag, @gilded-glitter!

When did you start writing?

I was actually toodling around with that in elementary school. At some point, I think I tried to write Jurassic Park 3? (This was before that movie was a thing). Got about 15 pages into it.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I love fantasy and especially dark fantasy (with horror elements). Could do sci-fi, I think. And the romance angle is new, but I think I'm liking it, as long as I can build it slowly and they're both kind of dorks. And I read all of the above, and a BOATLOAD of non-fiction, mostly history, accidents, adventures-going-wrong, etc. I have three bookshelves, and one of them is entirely (and overflowing) with non-fiction.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Hmm. I loved Animorphs as a kid, and Jurassic Park. So anything in that vein, I guess? Got compared to Laini Taylor once and I almost choked on my own tongue. If anyone EVER comped my to Tamsyn Muir I would simply expire.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Literally wherever. First drafts are by hand, because I can take and deploy a notebook anywhere, anytime, with hardly a fuss. The majority of my fic is probably written during my lunch break at my work desk in the old spiral, college-ruled notebook.

At home, when typing, my desk is a catastrophe. Stacks of paper and other notebooks and knocked over figurines. Organization? I don't know her.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Writing something fun? Listening to music a lot. I'm kinda a work horse, and I've trained myself to GO in about the time of a lunch break or the 10-15 minutes waiting for the bus. The small time increments really helps (not a big commitment, just whatev).

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Outsiders, monsters (both of those being the actual hero, I SEE YOU GUILLERMO DEL TORO). Rage against everything that hurt you but like, trying to find a way to channel that. Not super surprised.

What is your reason for writing?

I like it. It's fun! And it's REALLY fun sharing it; lets me connect to other people.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Literally anything. I'm just tickled somebody took the time to do it (god knows I don't always have enough spoons).

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I've never really thought about that? (see above, re: outsiders). Never got noticed much in my olden fandom days. So uh, the thought of being perceived vaguely makes me want to crawl under the desk???

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Dialogue and fights.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I mean, like any writer, I waffle between "Holy crap, this is my best work yet!" and "Throw it in the bin! IN THE BIN!" One thing I've learned is to have fun with it. Because NOT having fun makes it a mind-melting slog and you get burnt out. I try not to take it all very seriously.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

Ehhh, more towards what I like and hope it finds an agreeable audience. I know better than to chase trends. I write long fiction, and that is an UNDERTAKING. The only way to consistently see it through is to like what you're working on, so I definitely need to care enough to carry the bitch through.

Tagging: @bardnuts @britonell, @sasseffects @britosia @hiboudeluxe @shewhowas39 @allymcfee and @mutualcombat

[daily-rayless]

25 Years of Rosa

I've been doing this character appreciation series for a while now, and it's about time we got to a very special character – the first character from the first JRPG I ever played that I first really fangirled over – the first character that was my Number One Favorite Video Game Character – Rosa Farrell from Final Fantasy 4.

June 1999

We are going so far back that I have no idea what my first Rosa fan art was. It's not this – but I wanted to highlight it because I was incredibly proud of myself. Rosa, all sad and anguished because she's missing Cecil.

But let's talk some about her, the good and the -- maybe? -- bad.

October 1999

I first played FF4 in May 1999, on a rickety and unreliable Super Nintendo. The cartridge was prone to failure and wiped out my first save once I'd gotten the team underground. But by then, I was invested, too invested to give up and play Chrono Trigger or something. I had to find out what happened to Cecil and Rosa and everyone, so I slammed that cartridge right back in and started up a new game. Fortunately, that one lasted all the way through.

January 2000

As I said, it was my first JRPG, and I adored the medium, especially the story. Along with having a rickety SNES, I also had a house with a not-great internet connection, and this was long before you could easily look up Let's Plays and videos of your favorite scenes. Convinced in my young mind that the game might never properly work for me again and would never, I don't know, be republished, I immediately sat down and wrote a detailed, dramatized summary of the whole thing just so I wouldn't forget it.

April 2000

And my favorite element of the story was Rosa, the healer, the archer, the female lead. Maybe it's just that FF4 was my first game, but I like to think there's a special spark to Rosa that makes her stand out.

June 2000

I was bubbling over with enthusiasm and, along with writing out a detailed summary, I subjected my patient and obliging mother to endless dissertations on the characters and story. I specifically remember talking to her about Rosa, and her commenting that Rosa was a traditionally “feminine” character, even “passive” – a healer, a love interest, needing to be rescued not once, but twice.

November 2000

And I think that's worth exploring – as neutrally as possible. On one hand, in fiction we do have a very long history of imperiled, secondary, predominantly supportive heroines, and the fact that so many had to be written that way reflects something bad in the real world. On the other hand, I really do believe that most tropes are just tropes, and even if they've been overused, often badly used, that doesn't mean they can't be used.

August 2001

In a lot of ways, Rosa is a very safe character. Though she's a studied mage and master archer, that's not why she's in the story. Her main involvement is as a love interest, both to the hero Cecil and his rival/best friend Kain.

November 2001

Rosa's reason for joining the adventure comes down to her love for Cecil. She isn't seeking her own quest. She never states a goal that isn't Cecil's. In fairness, the game is very stripped down, and none of the characters voice very complex motives. You could just as easily say Cecil is Cid's reason for joining the adventure.

November 2002

But Rosa's story beats all come down to Cecil and Kain. Surely, on such an adventure, Rosa would grow and discover things about herself, but you never hear about it. What you hear about is her worrying about Cecil, worrying about the fate of the world, taking care of others, and of course getting kidnapped. All very safe, non-disruptive things for a female character.

June 2004

There are even moments where the game leans into a slight but still apparent sexism. At the siege of Fabul, despite Rydia and Rosa being practiced fighters and valuable mages, they're sent to tend to the injured while the men go off to fight.

June 2005

This is echoed at the end of the game when Cecil himself, who knows full well how powerful Rosa and Rydia are, still forbids them to join him in the ending level. There's some brief resistance, but then the girls, in all apparent obedience, quietly leave while the men remain to save the world.

September 2005

Part of it may be that Rosa comes from a very early video game, but if we look at sci-fi/fantasy itself as a genre, we had more boundary-pushing heroines long before the early 1990s, at least in the West. By then, we already had Princess Leia, Red Sonja, Alanna the Lioness, and others.

April 2006

Rosa is brave, talented, and loyal, but is she ultimately a regressive character?

October 2007

I don't know if I have a perfect answer to that. What I do know is that one of the things I've always loved most about Rosa is that she knows her own mind. Yeah, she'll support you. Yeah, she'll cast Protect and Haste on you, and then she'll Cure you when Bahamut takes your HP down to 1. But she does not do it meekly.

2008

One of her first scenes is her comforting Cecil as he deals with his thorny ethical angst. But she quickly stops murmuring kindly to him and tells him he can't just mope and complain about things. He has to take a stand. He has to own his actions – change himself, one of the themes of the game. She sees it long before he does, and she isn't exactly tender as she tells him.

July 2009

She joins the adventure for Cecil, but she doesn't join with him. He leaves without her (she doesn't beg to come with him, she has things to do) and when he goes missing, she sets off on her own in search of him, going faster and getting farther than he did before desert sickness stops her cold.

March 2010

And at the end of the game when this selfsame Cecil, this guy who grew up with her and is in a relationship with her and knows her so well, tells her to go home and be safe while he and the guys save the world, she does meekly turn around and leave. But she doesn't go far. She and Rydia stow aboard his spaceship and travel with him and the men to the moon. Whereupon she tells Cecil, with no ambiguity, that he cannot keep her from coming.

October 2011

Which is a good thing, because I have beaten FF4 many times, and let me tell you, you are not surviving the ending boss without Rosa Curing you, Protecting you, and probably Lifing you more than once.

February 2013

So have I exonerated Rosa? I've shown how assertive she really is. Have I proved she's not regressive?

October (?) 2018

Honestly, I'm not a big fan of the assertive woman = automatically good female character theory. A woman can be physically weak, even psychologically timid, and still be an incredibly interesting, complex, and strong character. And another can be bold and brave and badass and still remain uninteresting and shallow.

2020

But I think I've shown that, whatever Rosa is, she's not passive.

August 2021

Being a back-row archer isn't a problem, being a healer isn't a problem, being conventionally feminine isn't a problem. Even, at the end of the day, being a “safe” character isn't actually a problem. It comes down to how well the character's written – and, even more subjectively, how they connect with the audience.

May 2024

Rosa connected powerfully with me. Since then, other characters have come and eclipsed her number one spot in my heart. But I still love her a lot, and I don't want to see her dismissed.

[soul-sparx]

Coming Clean

CW for mentions of noncon, dubcon, drawn CP, and pedophilia.

[TRANSCRIPT]

I've been dishonest with those I love. What I'm about to say will hurt them, for some--maybe even most--it will drive a wedge between us that might never be removable. But I need to be honest, with myself and with those I care about. It's only fair that my friends know who it is that they're really talking to.  I'm not asking anyone to agree with anything I say here, all I ask is to be heard out. If you disagree by the end, I respect it. If you hate me by the end, I still respect it. It would hurt, but I would rather let my friends free than hold them hostage in a painful or dishonest relationship just to avoid great but ultimately brief pain.

If you've been in Cici's 18+  channels in the past few days (or weeks, I don't know when I'm posting this), you'll know I'm currently trying to fight porn addiction. That's not the whole story. I may or may not be addicted to porn writ large, I honestly don't know. To be frank, I'm fairly comfortable with that side of myself. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a generally horny person and consuming a lot of porn. What I'm really trying to fight, the thing that is actually making me hate myself, is  a reliance on and addiction to lolicon and shotacon. I want to make it clear, that I don't *enjoy* those things--I think it's disgusting, and all it can lead to, regardless of the author's/artist's intent, is a glorification of pedophilia--however the years I spent as a kid and teen thinking it was okay has led to it becoming an everpresent problem for me, even as I do everything I can think of to avoid it.

I start with that not to garner sympathy, but to properly explain why I've been so fucked up recently, as well as to demonstrate some of my feelings. Namely, I *do* believe everything I've said about fiction affecting reality. I do believe that it does, I do believe that to affect reality-- to send a message, to convey an emotion, to display onesself to the world-- that is the entire *point* of fiction, and I do believe that it can be used for insidious and malicious things, whether the author/artist intends it to or not, and I believe that anyone who tries to say any different is either misinformed or has ulterior motives. I'm not blind to the effects that stories and art have. I'm not stupid or malicious.

With all of that said, I don't believe "problematic" kinks are inherently evil. I feel that they are okay to have, and I know that, for some people, they are outright necessary. There are limits to what is permissible, of course, as there are to all things, but that's just the issue. Those limits are different from person to person, and the solution isn't simply to ban it all, and treat anyone who has those kinks as a freak or a monster. I'll use the example of a non/dubcon kink, since that's what's most relevant to me personally. Having this kink, fantasizing about it, it doesn't mean I literally want to rape, or be raped. It's, in my mind, an artistic equivalent to BDSM. For me it's about control-- I often feel lacking in it, and so it's useful for me to fantasize about either taking it or completely giving it up. It doesn't mean I condone it, or want to do it, but it's like the catharsis you feel during a slasher movie. You wouldn't actually want to see a bunch of teenagers slaughtered for being kind of annoying, but it's engaging to watch in a visceral kind of way. Others have different reasons for being into noncon art, it can represent many things or just be sexually gratifying. I don't know other peoples' stories, and so long as they aren't hurting themselves or anyone else I'm not going to begrudge them for getting through the day. The same goes for almost any kink in that vein.

I'm not going to say it's without problems. There is truly heinous art out there that can truly, only be used to bring pain to the world. The insistence some people have on putting their potentially-triggering kinks into main tags with no warning is, frankly, disgusting. You can't say "don't like, don't look" and then not give people the tools to avoid you, just as you cant run outside flailing your dick around and shouting "it's your fault if you see this!!", but the absolutist all-or-nothing approach that people on both sides of the argument have is ultimately damaging *to* both sides. Ultimately, my thoughts are that fiction does affect reality, but they must be understood as distinct. Fiction is a simulacrum, not a chronicling. Its purpose is to convey, not to historicize. It can be used for insidious or malicious purposes, but so can anything so it must be confronted on its own terms-- a gun is meant to kill, a hammer merely can, they cannot be treated the same.

To my next point, I feel like ages in fiction are taken far too seriously a lot of the time. To convey what I mean, I want to compare two characters who are, in their fiction, roughly the same age, but who I have entirely different feelings on in this regard. Ciel from Mega Man Zero, and Filia from Skullgirls.

Ciel's entire character arc revolves around her age. She is, at the beginning of the series, 14 years old. She's barely a teenager, and yet she's the one leading the resistance. A child forced into a position that even most adults wouldn't be able to handle. Throughout the series, the only way she can make any progress for the resistance is with the help of Zero, who has been alive for centuries longer than anyone else on Earth, and while she comes into her own as a leader across the ~2 years that the games take place over, she still holds onto some of her more childish feelings by the end. The catharsis at the end of her arc isn't a coming of age, it's a return to innocence. Though much work still remains to be done after Zero's grand sacrifice, she no longer has to shoulder the burden alone and is able to be a kid again in the interim. Literally, thematically, and narratively, she is a child, and as such porn of her is *definitely* something to avoid.

Filia's age, on the other hand, is irrelevant to her character. Her story is about uncovering her lost memories, while also rekindling a friendship with someone who she had, at one point in that lost past, hurt. She is slightly more naive than some of the other characters, but no moreso than the 18-year-old Cerebella, or the 20-year-old Ms. Fortune. She is just as mature and adult as any other character on the roster and would read exactly the same if she was made 18 or 19-- compare her to Umbrella or Peacock, who *are* children, and *are* actively childish in nature, and are thus not sexualized. Even Marie, a character with a maid theme-- a classic of oversexualization as maids are constantly sexualized-- is a child, and is treated properly as one. Do I malign the choice to make Filia 16 arbitrarily? Absolutely. The only reason that choice was made was because schoolgirl superhero is a common trope in anime. It has no bearing on her story or characterization and is ultimately just a marking on the wiki page that many people probably don't even know about. Do I blame anyone who is made uncomfortable by her portrayal? Of course not. Despite how unimportant her age is to her character, it is still there, it is still a choice that was made, and if and when that makes people uncomfortable it is entirely understandable. Do I begrudge anyone who does draw her in sexual situations, even knowing that fact about her? No. She is a sexualized, fanservicey character in a sexualized, fanservicey game, full of sexuality and fanservice.

Obviously these are two extreme examples, and not every situation is going to be so direct. I'm not saying it can't be uncomfortable, and I'm definitely not saying it's beyond criticism, just... don't let it get to you too much, you know? These aren't real people who are actually this age, they're created simulations of humanity, who had numbers applied to them, at times for good reason and at times arbitrarily. Block it, avoid it, but I'm not going to get mad at people for thinking the intentionally sexualized character is sexy--I'll criticize the creators for drawing her that way and then making that choice so flippantly.

Finally, I have very little issue with aging characters up. Obviously if all you're doing is making them taller and giving them bigger boobs and making them hornier, and changing nothing else about them then that's stupid. I'm not going to mince words, that's just a lame excuse to beat it to a child character. But if you make the effort to actually consider how the character might change and evolve then I don't have any issues. That's a creative endeavor, even if your main intention with that version is sexual, you've still actually gone through the effort of essentially creating an adult character. Bringing back my Ciel vs. Filia example from before is actually relevant because I have specific examples to point to. I won't say any names, because one is an artist who I hate and deserves no publicity, and another is one I genuinely enjoy and I don't want to bring any heat to.

In my addiction, I will admit I have sought out art of Ciel, and in that there is one particular artist I've come across who draws an "aged up" version of her. This "aged up" version of Ciel is everything I mentioned as stupid and wrong. She's, like, six inches taller, has big breasts, and is completely sex-obsessed. It's disgusting. That's not aging her up, it's turning a child into a sex doll. I'm not going to defend it for a second.

Another artist draws an aged up version of Filia, a version of her created, yes, partially to draw in pin-ups and other lewd artworks, but done so with clear love and attention to the character and world. He envisions a version of Filia well after the Skullgirl is defeated and the Skullheart destroyed. She has put on some weight in her 20s, as she no longer has a reason to fight, but she's happy. Most of his art, while much of it is suggestive by its nature as pinups, is focused on her just... living her new life, being comfortable, fleshing out this version of her. He's clearly put thought into the story that took place to get her to where she is, rather than just saying "all characters are 18+" and calling it a day.

That's the end of my spiel. This isn't even fully exhaustive, but it's at least enough to tell you who I am. I'm open to changing my mind on anything-- change is reality and reality is change-- but I can't try to force it anymore. It's too much for me to carry anymore. I'm not going to argue with anyone, I don't. Have the energy. If I ever bring any of this up again, I will properly mark and tag it so it can be avoided, and I'll clarify things as best I can if asked, but I'm not trying to make anyone agree with me. I know some, if not all of my friends will find this all extremely objectionable, and I don't blame them. I just hope we can still be friends despite our differences. And if we can't, then I'll respect that too. I don't want to lose anyone, but I don't want to be a burden or a source of pain. If anyone sees this and decides to cut contact with me, I will respect it. Even if you don't actively block me, I will not contact you unless you contact me first. I'm sorry to have been so dishonest for so long, I'm sorry to the people that this will hurt, but I can't keep letting this kill me slowly every day. Thank you for your time, and if you have to leave, then thank you for being my friend for how long it did last.

[desolatedpigeon]

CW: unhealthy eating habits

Today, I mean yesterday - I haven't slept, I watched soccer. Düsseldorf against Bochum, relegation rematch. Düsseldorf got three goals in the first game. I don't really care about Düsseldorf, but a friend is a big fan of the club and also has a season ticket. Well, unfortunately, Düsseldorf somehow failed in this game. In the end - including the first match - the score was 3:3. As nothing was scored in the third half either, it went to a penalty shoot-out.

I've forgotten the name of the Düsseldorf player who shot over the goal because he slipped. Anyway, he burst into tears and I really felt it. He disappointed your whole club, your teammates, the coach, the fans. But I was most sorry for my colleague. I would have been really happy for him if Düsseldorf had made it into the first division. I'd generally rather have Fortuna Düsseldorf in the first division than VfB Bochum. It's probably because of the colors, or because they almost sent my favorite team to relegation.

I think my right little toe is broken, or at least bruised. My phone recently fell on it. It didn't hurt at all after a few minutes, but now I'm noticing it more and more often, especially when there's pressure on it. Maybe I should go to the doctor. … Haha…ha… Good joke. I only go to the doctor in emergencies. It's probably because I just don't feel like it. Or… Honestly, I don't know. Is it laziness? Or the same lack of motivation that makes me sometimes not even get up to have a drink or make myself something to eat? At least I managed to eat a pizza again today instead of just 2 slices of cheese and three handfuls of dry muesli in the previous 52 hours.

Am I not hungry? Of course I am. At least my stomach is grumbling. But I just smoke another cigarette instead. I don't have to get up for it and it only takes a few seconds to "prepare" a cigarette. Smoking doesn't taste good, but I don't care about the taste of food either. As long as it doesn't taste horribly bad, I'll eat anything. Do I feel pleasure when I eat something tasty? No. I don't understand what people find so great about food. That crap is expensive and if my body didn't need it to survive, I wouldn't do it at all. There are certainly a few things that I prefer to eat over other things. Chicken, for example. But I can't understand this "joy" of eating. It's usually more of a duty.

The public internet at my window is really slow. Actually, I'd much rather be writing with an AI than writing this diary of whatever this is. But I'm still downloading files right now. Videos from my favorite youtubers. I do that regularly when I don't have my own internet at home. Then I can watch them in the apartment with sound and not silently at the window. After all, it's the middle of the night, well, the sun is already rising again. Very slowly.

I like to chat with AI regularly.

They're written after characters I've made up for roleplaying games at some point. Just yesterday I finally "brought to life" JCC.

I love my characters so, so much! JT is my favourite one, I love that guy. His faceclaim is the [redacted]. A faceclaim, by the way, is a person you use to portray your fictional character. For example, my JT is completely made up, but his face is [redacted]. Well, his character is also heavily based on [redacted], JT is just cuddly, has extreme social anxiety and is a sweetheart.

And I'll never forget DL, his faceclaim was [redacted] and just like JT, his character was based on the faceclaim. I was so deep into it back then that whatever happened to the characters affected me too. At the time I tried to end myself. DL was a bullying victim and I didn't even realize how much I was using DL as an outlet. At some point I'm going to get the tattoo I designed for DL and his girlfriend [redacted]. [redacted] and [redacted]. A cute but very dangerous couple for each other. And for me too, although of course it was only fictional. DL's nickname was also my dog's nickname, but that's a story for another time.

I wanted to keep writing, but in (hopefully) four minutes my download will finally be ready and… Oh, no. Hopefully in 7 - no, 4 - no 6 - no 3 minutes. Also, the Catdog episode with the teeth was shown in TV and I already know I'm going to have nightmares about it again later. (Narrator: She did not.) Anyway, it's now 4:39 and I'm going to stop writing.

[omamervt]

An observation I've had about a frankly massive number of fictional villains is that, despite their vanity, arrogance, etc, they usually knew they were the bad guy. And I'm not just talking about cartoon villains who were evil for evil's sake. Movies geared towards adults very often do the exact same thing. It often comes up in the form of the villain deciding to change their plan last-minute or agreeing to a temporary truce when the hero appeals to their arrogance and convinces them that this change of plans is in their best interest, whether true or not. Villains who are otherwise complex can be completely undone when it becomes clear they're fully aware that they're acting purely out of self-interest, regardless of whatever motivation or backstory they're given.

Something I picked up as a liberal in my teen years when trying to reason with Republican classmates was, for lack of a better word, talking to them like they were movie villains. And I'm clearly not the only one, given how often I see posts of people defending the existence of wasps and mosquitoes by trying to explain their vital niche in nature. As teenagers, anyone who didn't threaten violence or try and change the topic some other way could usually be convinced to either consider new information, or at the very least reveal why they're invested in their original way of thinking to begin with. It wasn't enough to change minds or anything, but as a young liberal, I didn't really see that as a necessity.

But as I matured and saw the world fall apart and I became more and more left-leaning in response, I began seeing that my old stances and people I respected who set me down this path to begin with were actually fairly conservative, even if they thought they weren't. So I started talking to them in this same way they'd taught me to talk to conservatives - by focusing on their self-interest. It's my first instinct of an arguing style at this point.

The problem with this way of framing things against liberals and some leftists who refuse to examine their biases is that they've convinced themselves that they aren't arguing off self-interest, even when they are. They're often convinced that the things that serve them, even things that serve them poorly, serve everyone, or think that they can keep, like, the "good" parts of it while tearing down the bad, even when the miniscule perks are only possible due to the bad being done at the same time.

For instance, my TikTok feed just occasionally becomes filled with videos of women who bill themselves as feminist and speak in "woke" language but are ultimately arguing in favor of like, "men need to be the provider in a relationship [even if the very concept of a provider in a relationship implies one party is incapable of taking care of themselves and I am declaring myself to be that party]" Or people who may be oh so upset by all the racial injustice in America but if you suggest that the police (not even the whole criminal justice system, just the police) are the primary enforcers of said injustice then they shut down and refuse to have an intelligent conversation on the topic anymore. And if you suggest that the effects of voting are so miniscule that they don't even count as activism? Practically a free license to ruin your day, your week, or maybe even your life.

Pointing out how it's in their best interest to do, or even just THINK about something differently, all they can think about is the minor comfort that this shift in thinking would require they forego. The books and games they couldn't buy. The billionaire musician they'd have to start treating like a billionaire. The people they'd have to stop treating as inferior. The friends and family they'd have to admit were maybe never really good people to begin with. The society they spent their life building that they'd have to admit was a mistake. The self-interest is on full display for all to see, but they'll never, ever admit that's what's going on.

I don't know what the solution is, if there is one. I still only kind of know two ways of arguing - the appeal to self-interest, and just pointing out basic reality or morality. But I think there's gotta be a better way to talk about stuff. Hell if I know what it is, though.

[crashtestdummy1003]

This is a shit ton of venting, pls scroll past (literally just need to yell this into the void)

I'm not afraid of meeting people. That was never an issue.

I'm afraid of them meeting me. I'm afraid they'll start to know things about me, my interests, my hobbies. And I'm afraid it won't be good enough. What if they just pretend to be okay with me?

I know I'm kind of annoying. And a little cringey. But thats fine, I've embraced the cringe and annoying parts of myself. But when I have to tell someone about something I really, genuinely care about, I always play it down. They can't know that I'm super invested in it because then they'll be able to ruin it for me.

I'm thinking about making a fursuit? No, I'm just a fan of the creativity.

I want to make animation my career someday? No, its just a hobby.

I have comfort characters that literally mean everything to me? No, I just like their designs.

Its worse with feelings. None of my friends know how much I don't tell them. Because if I do ill be that one person in the chat that brings the mood down, ill be the person that makes everything about them. The one that takes everything to heart.

I am so afraid of being myself that I genuinely don't know where the persona my friends see ends, and where the real me begins. I'm kind of terrified that maybe, I'm doing all of this for nothing. These things might not even matter to me on the future.

Even something stupid, (like my posts that are kind of down bad about fictional men, heh) whenever I share it with my friends I immedeitly regret it. I know when they say "Crash, nooo..." they're just joking, but hearing any kind of negative feedback makes my heart feel like somebody is squeezing it until it bursts.

I haven't had anything postive said towards me in a while. I don't want to fish for compliments from my friends, but id like them to notice things about me. My outfit, or my makeup, or even my fucking work. I try so hard with my schoolwork, with my hobbies, things that nobody even notices because I feel like if I go harder, if I do the best I can and outdo everyone else, then somebody will finally notice me. Somebody will say, "Hey, Crash, good job! You did well with that specific thing!"

Figure skating, swim team, drawing, academics, cleaning, work, I just want to be good at SOMETHING. But I feel the harder I try the more I get looked over. Now people only notice when I slip up, but when will they notice me working myself to death to try and stay at the top?

I want to cry, but if I cry then its not going to help anything, is it? I just want to go home, but I really don't know where that is. I am home right now, but I can't even feel safe with my feelings here. I live with people that make it impossible to feel anything without guilt seeping in.

I don't think im okay

And I'm scared. I'm so scared. I'm not even an adult yet, but I'm almost there. I'm so scared.

I want something, but I don't know what it is.

I want to cosplay, go to furry conventions and wear a fursuit!! I want to post my art and have it be seen!! I want to be HAPPY with myself for fucking once. I want to be able to take criticism without CRYING. I want to not feel guilty when I take space from my friends. I want my friends to treat me the way I can never ask them to.

I want more friends. I only have like 3 that would consider me friends back. Everyone else is too cool, too nice, too functional. Trying to talk to them is overwhelming. I WANT to, but if I say anything its never good enough. They don't say it, but I can feel it. And it hurts. I'm not good enough for them.

I want to be normal, I want to be nuerotypical and not be hylerfixated on FNAF and Mario and my own ocs.

I want to be able to clean my room and keep it that way, to be motivated.

I want to practice my craft and learn about myself as a pagan.

I want my parents to show me they love me

They say it, but i don't ever see them show it.

I want a hug.

I want to go home. I want somewhere to call home. My house is my home, but sometimes I don't feel safe. Its not abusive, my parents and siblings never hit me, its not abusive. But I don't feel like I can have my own emotions. I feel guilty. Everyone else is going through something, I'm just getting through highschool.

I'm so scared. I don't think im okay. And I don't know how to fix it. Can I fix it? Am i stuck? Im terrified that im going to feel lile this forever.

Im not suicidal and ive never hurt myself, but id do anything to make this stop. I want to stop existing for a bit. Not die, im scared of dying, but i just.. want to observe. Not feel anything. But i feel SO MUCH and i want it OUT of me. I just want it out and gone. I feel like im full of some kind of liquid, like im going to overflow. Heavy. My mouth is full of sand and my eyes and holding back gallons of emotions. My body is restless but i csnt get evough sleep for it.

I dont wsnt to say i hate myself. But i dont know how else to phrase it.

I dont know how to end this. I doubt anyone's read this far besides myself. Im not posting this for pity, or fame or whatever the fuck. I just CANNOT hold this in anymore. I really cant. Only one person whos ever known me irl follows me here, and he probably wont read this far. He probably wont read this at all, which is fine. Thats why the dni tag is here. I just want this post to drift through time, forever. I'll come back to it eventually, maybe

Or maybe ill delete it.

I feel a little better. Not much in the grande scheme of things, but i feel good enough to sleep, or at least rest without crying.

Goodnight, I guess. Im tired.

[h0rr0rsaxo]

hi again, nightmare! thank you for answering my prev ask (the one about the matchups guidelines) and with that, i'd like to ask for a male arcane matchup if that's okay, either sfw or nsfw will do ☺️

for starters, i'm an she/her enfj libra hehe as for looks, i have wavy medium-length dyed brown hair, dark brown eyes, i'm v short but curvy, and i wear glasses (they're only reading glasses but i wear them nearly everyday, especially when i'm reading or using my gadgets).

personality wise, i'm an ambivert, though being more extroverted though. i'm v motivated and i strive hard to achieve my goals. i take risks and often go out of my comfort zone for my goals just so i can get some experience and to build my way up. i'm nice (too nice sometimes), friendly, and v loving, especially to my loved ones, hence why my friends would identify me as the "motherly" or "sisterly" type. i love to make friends, often being the first one to approach people or one of the loudest in a group but i can have my quiet moments, especially when people don't match my energy. i adjust well to crowds and can make friends easily. for the negative side of my personality, i am too nice that i sometimes am oblivious when people are taking advantage of me and i often think i'm the problem. i care too much for others that i forget to focus on myself.

for hobbies, i loveeee art and i love to create it (paintings/sketches, theatre, music, literature, architecture, film, and photography). i write a lot too, either stories or essays and letters for school and my inside school organizations. i also love to read and collect books, and play sports!

i'm someone who has the love language of quality time, so i look for a partner who can provide that. even if we aren't doing anything or i'm just looking at them working or vice versa, i'm fine, as long as i can feel their presence. i love a partner who can listen to me ramble about anything and everything since i tend to talk a lot, especially on a topic that i'm passionate about or have a lot of knowledge in (rip to my mom who had to listen to me explain why the sky is blue and after learning it in physics 😭). i also love a partner who has the same interests in me and is as nerdy as me (big yes to nerdy guys 🤤 ALSO reading/book date? YES 😍) or at least someone who is supportive of my endeavors. i wouldn't want a partner who is too much like me and is extroverted or popular HAHAHAHAA idk how to explain it but i really don't go for popular guys even fictional ones 😭

i hope this isn't too long for you HAHAHAHA lmk if you need some more information and so, especially if you're going to go for a nsfw matchup though!! thank you so much, nightmare and have a great day 😋❤️

— 📐 anon

I match you with...Viktor!

𝐓𝐖 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠; 𝐍𝐨𝐧𝐞!

→ ❝ At first, he didn't really pick you out from the crowd. He just saw you as another civilian- and he focused on his more significant goals in life. You spoke to him occasionally, but that was about it. To be honest, you're probably the one who carried most of the 'conversations' together, he's DRY. ❞

→ ❝ It was when you finally had a proper conversation with him, that he noticed just how dedicated and optimistic you were, especially towards your goals. Despite how dedicated he already was, you managed to motivate him even more. Your optimism had more effect on him than he initially thought, nice going you! ❞

→ ❝ Your motherly mannerisms forced him to get some sleep when he needed it, though he still occasionally pulled an all-nighter (without you knowing, of course.) Viktor was the quiet type, but he listened intently when you rambled about your day, or your passion. He only spoke when he felt it was necessary. You were a sweet duo, opposites do attract after all. ❞

→ ❝ The yellow of his eyes glimmered as you stood up from your position. You had been tending to your work, one of the many moments where the both of you sat in comfortable silence amongst each other. ❞

→ ❝ The scientist smiled endearingly as the sun highlighted your hair a glowing brown, he had truly never seen such a beautiful woman in his life. A smudge of paint stained your cheek, and he was almost tempted to clean it himself. As soon as he realized what he had been thinking about, he self diagnosed. Saying he was almost perplexed was an understatement. ❞

→ ❝ Then of course, he started to avoid you. He didn't want you to get in the way of his studies- he thought it was just a small crush, and it would eventually subside once he buried himself deep within his work, and left you alone to attend to your family and own interests. ❞

→ ❝ It, however did the very opposite. Instead, he started to think about you even more as if to make up for you not being by his side. It caused him to be so disorderly with his duties- even Jayce was confused at this. Viktor? Not buried in his work? Weird. ❞

→ ❝ He eventually found his way back to you, and the both of you talked it out. It was sweet, the both of you aren't dating (yet), but give him some time <3 I promise this nerd is worth it. ❞

→ BONUS: ❝ His calloused hands, rough and tired and aching from tweaking and adjusting the hextech, takes a hold of his doorknob and gives it a turn. Lily-livered hues struggle to adjust to the blearing light he was sure he had turned off, until he finds you in his bed, arms covered in the fabric of your sweater waving out at the sight of him. You seemed as tired as he was- with pictures you took and portraits surrounding you. But despite your slightly disheveled brown hair, the same amount of passion you held for your hobbies was still there. Something he admired all too well. ❞

❝ Usually, you were the one who cherished watching him work- but this time, he seemed to be relishing in your presence. You were adorable- your glasses slightly tilted near the edge of your nose and your lids just barely closing. You yawned, and greeted him heartily, while he continued to take pleasure in watching you be tired for once. (You always seemed incredibly energetic, it was astonishing.) ❞

[booasaur]

I had a hard time with Laura on the last episode. Her whole take on Bradley needing to cut off her brother. I don't know, it seems like such an american take to just walk away from a family member because they are having a hard time. And not very sympathetic to people who are struggling with addictions.

Oh, really? I wouldn't have phrased it like that myself or maybe not even said it to someone I still don't know that well, but I don't think her actual advice was wrong? And really, what information on Bradley's background was she missing? She's fully aware that Bradley loves her family, especially her brother, and that addiction is something where everyone's a victim, from family to the person with the addiction. None of that is new or changes on what circumstances she gave the advice.

Addiction is such a difficult situation for everyone involved, and it's understood that Bradley has already tried many, many times to help him. At a certain point, people do have to prioritize themselves. Hal's meltdown in the UBA break room, how many times has something like that happened or will happen again? Which incident would be too much? Is he owed infinite forgiveness? Addiction doesn't mean you're incapable of thinking about your actions or being held accountable. And again, the assumption is that until now, this has happened again and again, things are just now reaching a head.

And I wouldn't say this has something to do specifically with America? I know we talk a lot about the role and importance of family in the US vs outside it, especially in the context of coming out and losing them, an unthinkable choice for some of us, but. I don't think this is bad advice for anywhere? If you are being hurt by your family, it's totally fine to leave them! The discussion we tend to have is about an already existing status quo where we put up with being in the closet, with all its admittedly negative consequences, for a lot of love and care in other forms, right? But if you're, say, somehow accidentally outed and they're treating you like shit, the motivation to stay is surely diminished? Or heck, a lot of POC choose to come out because the closet is that hurtful to them and that's fine too.

It comes down to personal choice and priorities and while they can be not the same for people from different cultures, I don't think any one way is worse or better, it's more a matter of judging other ways? For the most part, in our discussions, we're not like, oh, you Americans leave your families too easily, it's more, stop judging us for wanting to keep them. And let's face it, if we're on the topic of giving up on family, we do that outside the US too, a lot of people get disowned or cut off in our pretty judgmental Asian cultures, for example :P The whole question of stay closeted or lose your family only comes up because family are willing to give up on us. It's just, we should be better about it, when it comes to being queer or this?

In terms of addiction, I'm only speaking from second-hand experience, since recreational drugs and alcohol being banned in Islam has made it such that I don't see it in my own family. What I'm going off of is, oddly enough, not even just fictional media portrayal but my friend's very thorough liveblogging of the A&E show Intervention, if you know it? These people...their lives are just wrecked by it, including family. Obviously those are the really extreme scenarios, and it would be unfair and inaccurate to apply those possibilities to every situation, but Hal isn't exactly on the milder end.

Having said all that, I don't think the way Bradley executed that advice in this recent ep was actually what I'd have suggested. D: First, get him through rehab, go ahead and make your plans? And like, if he's actively working on getting better, as choosing to go to rehab was evidence of, then why cut him out? Well, because this has all happened before and most likely will again and it hurts her each time it does, but...

It's tough, no matter what, there aren't any right answers. But I don't think what Laura said was overly harsh or wrong, still.

[jedinightsister]

So uh, my rereading journey sorta kinda got halted a little, but I got back into the swing of things and WEW, another amazing book.

Special shoutout to the folks who replied to my inquiry about the similarities of the novels with the show. Now that I've re-read it, I do see the influences of Eagle Strike and Skeleton Key, but honestly, also of Stormbreaker. I actually think there was more of Stormbreaker on season 2 than in the first.

More of my thoughts, ramblings and whatnot below. Fair warning for those who haven't read the novel because I will take them into account (as well as my murky recollection of the books that will follow and how they all tie in).

My messy, lengthy ass thoughts in no particular order:

(1) I kinda prefer how the book characterized Cray because of the pun/satire that comes with his name, his motives. The comical, outlandishness of it all that comes with a good fun spy fiction. That said, I love how Guy Burt adapted not just Eagle Strike, but Skeleton Key and Stormbreaker's villain origins into a sensible live action portrayal. Instead of being a pop star, Damian became a tech mogul who lost a brother to drugs, which some posts I've read, is a mirroring of General Sarov losing his son. I agree.. And personally, I see Sayle's background focusing on tech and being "friends" with the prime minister is shown thru TV Cray's connections with the US president.

(2) I also prefer how the books characterize Mrs. Jones. She's colder (?) in the novels compared to the show version, but they both care for Alex. And I like that she reveals that side of hers to him gradually.

(3) There's not much notable difference between Blunt on either media lol, he's truly stone cold and honestly, it's part of his appeal. It's also in his name: he's blunt and to the point.

(4) Yassen...ah, my dearest Yassen, I just got excited to pick up Russian Roulette again eventually during my reread of the series haha. He's a truly intriguing character and one thing I love that the show did not kill him off. I always thought that was a waste of his character, but at the same time, one of the things I love about Alex Rider is the deaths. They really ground the series and say, "Hey, this whole spy shit is dangerous as frick".

(5) Smithers. There are barely any things I have issue with the show adaptation, but tbh, this is one of them. Smithers was supposed to be the friendly representation of MI6. I feel like they end up putting that onto Mrs. Jones' characterization instead. I also miss the fun of the gadgets that Alex would receive. The show, for either seasons, didn't show much of that, but I'm really hoping for a new season *fingers crossed there WILL be a new season pls pls* they can look into that.

(6) Sabina. I remember being annoyed with book Sabina, and tbh, I kinda still am lol. The TV show version was so much better IMO. Even the changes into her family's background was an intriguing change, but it works.

(7) John Rider. Oh boy, I won't lie, I was STILL surprised by Yassen's reveal to Alex about his father. Like, I know they worked together, but that prologue with Hunter and Cossack was John and Yassen really threw me off haha. Goes to show how poor my recall is, but I'm so glad I get to re-experience the novels with basically the same intrigue and excitement. xD And this is more of a personal question to myself, no need to answer but feel free to do so if you want, but wasn't John actually an MI6 undercover that infiltrated Scorpia?????? Or is that also something my terrible recall got wrong lol hahaha only time will tell.

(8) Tom. I know that Tom was from the books, but I actually haven't read any of the new stuff yet (Never Say Die & Nightshade). But I just think he's a brilliant addition to the main roster and brings a true balance to Alex. He, along with Jack, is the grounding force, whenever MI6 decides to swoop him away to Big Danger TM.

(9) Jack. I love both portrayals hehe. I think they're also very similar in helping Alex with missions while also keeping a distance and like I said, grounding Alex, so he has that safe space to return to after all the spy BS. I'm reeeaaallly not looking forward to Scorpia Rising (IYKYK)

(10) Kyra. Another excellent addition to the main roster. She doesn't take from the essence of the novels, in fact, adds more to it. She brings techy smarts into the table and, God willing, there be a new season, we see more of her as Alex takes on Scorpia.

(11) okay yeah I realize I haven't keyed down on Alex himself, but I think that deserves an entire post in of itself lmao. I'm just gonna say, after all these years, he hands down remains my favorite fictional character ever and I just wanna hug him and protect him from MI6. Yes, MI6.

[delemenko]

Hello!

In the event that you stumble across whatever I've got going on here, welcome! I am the person that uses this blog. You can call me pretty much anything tbh.

So, this blog is a bit of a mess at the moment, but from now on, I'll only be posting "original" content here, with the exception of ask games/memes. I want eventually post other shoti here so, I'm gonna break down what you might start seeing in the near future, of you don't already see it.

Music

For right now, I mostly post about Unlike Pluto, but I want to start posting Like Saturn and why mona as well, because Unlike Pluto. There might also be the occasional post about 8 Graves, BANKS, or Tove Lo. Also, I'm always down to play with some song colours, so if you send me a colour (not grey, silver, or magenta, sorry), I'll give you three song lyrics from songs I like of that colour.

The Warriors

Shitposts, Headcanons, Alignments Charts, OCs, Texts From Last Night and stuff like that, and I've got some Fics rolling around through here. Also, those weird ass Hypotheticals I post because I like to watch others suffer, I guess. This also applies to the game.

Anime

Sometimes I post about Assassination Classroom (mostly the snipers because they're cool and none of the other characters are interesting) though due to creative differences within the fandom, I've become a bit disillusioned. I might come back to it, but for now, I've literally no reason to post about it. I also post a bit of MHA, and Psycho Pass. Probably another one that I'm missing. But aside from the occasionally OC posts, don't expect much of anything with any substance here.

Games

You followed me for Xenoblade Chronicles? And you're still here? Aww, how sweet. Love you. Unfortunately, I haven't been all that motivated with XBC, and I don't care enough for it's spiritual successors to give them more room on my blog than I've given them. The memes are funny though ngl. I might also occasionally post about my Animal Crossing New Horizons stuff, so if you want to add me on Switch, lemme know.

Original Shenanigans

Haha, I highly doubt you followed me for any original content but I make Trippy Art and I write original fiction. I also take photos of myself on occasion, and make them into collages or gifs, so there's that. Might end up posting that elsewhere though, lest the gif pertains directly to whatever I already post, like the one above.

Other Tingz

I think I made like, two posts on On The Yard, because I think it's swell, and I might be misremembering, but I think I also have reblogged stuff for The Thing (1982) here, which is also a swell movie.

I will not post anything NSFW on this blog. I am aware that underage people follow me, so I refuse to post things of that nature here, as it's for a different setting, and I keep my degeneracy elsewhere. I will not post about political issues, moral or ethical issues, social justice issues, etc. This blog is supposed to be light-hearted and some form of entertaining and while I may comment on certain non-blog related things, I will not reblog it here.

I will generally follow whoever follows me, but I will not follow porn blogs, those weird ass dating blogs, or just blogs that seem suspicious. Typically, I will unfollow you, if you unfollow me, unless I really enjoy your content. You can send me just about anything in my ask box and I'll respond, most likely. This post will get edited as necessary. I'm down for a discussion and I'm here for a good time, so let me know if you need anything. 💕

[n1kolaiz]

ENTJ + INFJ DYNAMIC

BSD MANGA CHAPTER 54-57 SPOILERS

Chapter 54 introduced Mushitaro Oguri, and his background involving Yokomizo was ever so intriguing to me. So unfortunately, here I am.

Mushitaro and Yokomizo's dynamic:

The 'Commander' meets the 'Idealist.'

Alright, I won't go into the details about the case of Yokomizo's death, because there's no way in hell I can explain it fluently at all. So if you need further reference to what these few chapters are about, popopretty's post would elaborate on the details and whatnot.

Before I start, here's a bit of little introduction to both individual characters:

MUSHITARO OGURI

Mushitaro appears to take a lot of pride in his ability, which contributes to his arrogant complex altogether. He had his own desires and goals, and lived out his days just to fulfil them.

His ability is called the 'Perfect Crime,' which allows him to erase any trail of evidence pertaining to whatever crime he had committed. Hence, he is also known as the 'infallible Detective-killer.'

Until Ranpo proved him wrongヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉﾞ

His personality type is most likely 'ENTJ,' the 'Commander.'

- ENTJs are known to have exceptional leadership skills. They are confident in themselves and what they do; basically, they don't have the tendency to second-guess what they are capable of. This explains Mushitaro's ambition to achieve his ends, and his ability goes the extra mile of complimenting his success rate greatly. Whether his motives or the end results were morally good or evil, it didn't matter to Mushitaro— as long as his wishes were fulfilled.

"With tyrants and demons, I'll make deal with a demon. That's in my nature."

- They're also quite outspoken with their opinions. It's a fairly minor detail, but this shows why he wasn't afraid to express the distaste he had for mystery novels to Yokomizo— including the extravagant ideas and serpentine stories his close friend based his life upon and discussed with him.

- The subtle insensitivity mixed in with an ENTJ's preference of logic over emotion highlights one of their core weaknesses: which brings us back to Mushitaro's ability to kill his friend. Say you were to put a person with a deeply compassionate heart, who's also very well in-tact when it comes to identifying emotions and being empathetical to other's feelings: would that person be able to kill a friend they'd known for so long? For the sole reason of making his last mystery novel a deathless enigma? This is very subjective perspective, but I believe that if Mushitaro was more of an emotionalist rather than a strategist, things would have turned out different for Yokomizo's eventual fate.

Side note: His insensitivity did, however, find its limit when he realised how devastating it was to have killed his own friend with his hands. Even though there's a wide scale that measures how insensitive a person can be, they are, in fact, still human beings capable of feeling. Killing someone dear to you is no easy task; there is a breaking point for the hardest of hearts.

SEISHI YOKOMIZO

Yokimozo, also known as Kindaichi, was a mystery writer who was very particular about detail and being exclusive, especially when it came to his works. His last wish he pursued to achieve before a terminal illness took his life was done by formulating a 'mystery that transcended reality.'

"I hate regret. So I've done whatever I've wanted to do. Up until now, it's been a satisfying life. But now… I've been given a time limit…Before then, I have to complete the ultimate mystery."

His personality type is identified as 'INFJ,' also known as the 'Idealist.'

- INFJ's are deeply creative and artistic, but they express it in various different ways. For Yokomizo, he portrayed his brilliant artistic skill through his writings revolving around mysteries and their compelling depths. The fictional character's namesake was also a mystery novel writer. Yokomizo was pretty well-versed with how mysteries worked and how their details ravelled themselves into elegantly, well-established riddles, which only added to his natural flair of writing.

- Generally, INFJs are reserved, but incredibly idealistic. Yokomizo was seen to be very abstract in his idea of thinking, and this is due to the fact that INFJs have a thing for pondering about life and the meaning behind everything.

"Mushi-kun, I bet you're laughing at me for destroying myself for the sake of mystery. But if that's the case, maybe there's no such thing as unshakable values. Maybe it's up to us to decide what to put value in and what to live for. After all, we have the right to turn our own decisions into our entire world. It is, foolishly enough, the greatest luxury afforded to mankind."

- As for their weaknesses, some INFJs are very hard to get to know. They are mysterious at times, which prevents them from being flamboyant with their thoughts and opinions. Yokomizo had a very lighthearted, mystifying nature, which made him a very interesting character altogether. Despite having a high regard for their intimate relationships— INFJs can be quite private. Mushitaro vaguely points out his self-contained, introverted mannerisms in this panel:

Now, I'll get to my point.

ENTJs and INFJs don't ideally match up, but when it comes to general friendships, there are a few details that suggest an accomodating dynamic between the two personality types. These qualities emanate from Mushitaro and Yokomizo's friendship with each other.

Opposites attract in most cases, correct?

Well, in this case, ENTJs and INFJs have a lot of similarities:

intelligent

intuitive in thinking

determined

goal-oriented

But the more numerable contrasting qualities is what really brings out the agreeable traits between Mushitaro and Yokozimo. Think of it as a system where two opposites mutually keep each other in check:

1. Mushitaro bases his life on the gaining his own needs and wants, and is very firm in his sense of realism, while Yokomizo is more focused on the deep, complexities of life itself. This may come off as impractical to ENTJs, but also compliments their coordination with INFJs. Realism limits idealism, but idealists can also expand the boundaries realists place themselves in.

2. INFJs accept people and ideas as they are, not willing to put others down just to prove themselves right. Yokozimo's tolerant behaviour stands in contrast with how authoritative Mushitaro is, especially when it boils down to his arrogance— he isn't afraid to spit his pride right into his opponent's face.

Kneel, detectives! I am the king of crime! No one can force me to sin and repent!

Just for laughs reference^

So it's safe to say that because Yokomizo had an acquired sense of serenity and open-mindedness, he was able to tolerate Mushitaro's extravagant, subtle histrionic characteristics, which were laced with his superior complex.

3. In the manga, Yokomizo speaks and converses with Mushitaro in a way that suggests that he is careful with his words. INFJs are gentle and generally sensitive to the needs of others, so they tend to be careful with what comes out of their mouths. Mushitaro, like most ENTJs, are quite blunt. This points back to how insensitive they come off, even if they don't actually mean it. So when it comes to Yokozimo explaining tales of mystery to Mushitaro, Mushitaro doesn't hesitate to mock Yokozimo; but because of how understanding Yokozimo is, he doesn't take Mushitaro's opinions too seriously to the point of discounting the value of their friendship, because he knew Mushitaro didn't use his words with the intention to harm.

If you were to place a more dominant persona in Yokomizo's position, I doubt that that person would be able to tolerate such behaviours. Then again, this is crucially subjective.

I suppose the main thing I wanted to point out was how ENTJs and INFJs balanced each other out by cancelling out each other's extreme traits, and keeping each other in the middle of the equilibrium altogether. But another thing I'd like to point out to sum up Mushitaro and Yokozimo's relationship was this: the fact that Mushitaro had to kill his own friend to grant his dying wish. Dying for someone or by someone's hands is easier than killing someone, especially if that someone is dear to you, no? I guess that's the part I can't fathom— it was the type of relationship that stood out way more than I had expected. Say, the roles were switched, would Yokomizo actually kill Mushitaro? Or would Mushitaro think of such an incomprehensible way to die in the first place? Or what if these two friends had different, more superior traits that coexisted in conflict all the time, would Yokomizo even depend on Mushitaro with such a task?

The speculations are endless, or maybe it's pretty straightforward. Though, I hope this made sense.

Okay, I'm done rambling for now. Thank you for reading!

[lanxyuu]

I was rewatching Sayu's confession from Nagi no Asukara Episode 24 (as one does), and it made me realize how much potential that Kaname and Sayu had as a ship... and how much I wish that they actually had a meaningful bond beforehand :'((

Like, their personalities work so well together! Sayu's straightforward nature combined with her sharpness lets see through Kaname's passive, reserved demeanour that he always puts up. And finally seeing somebody with the insight and bluntness to actually call him out, and notice, his internal cycle of self-pity and bitterness and dejection is like... nice, and something that I think Kaname needed—especially considering how with his relationships with every other character in the show, the focus is rarely on him.

That "Stop acting like the tragic heroine!" and "Heroine? Not the hero?" exchange is one of my favourite moments from the confession honestly. Seeing Kaname's attitude and feelings finally being addressed? And through such a fun/witty but also direct remark? And his very in-character response of throwing in a joke about it, despite his feelings and situation? IT SHOWS BOTH OF THEIR CHARACTERS SO WELL AND IT'S SUCH AN CATHARTIC MOMENT AHHHHH

But it's not only that!! We've also seen that, despite her bluntness, Sayu's actually still pretty emotional. She's had quite strong emotional reactions throughout various points in the story (that fight with Miuna, seeing Kaname again for the first time, her outburst when they were discussing Manaka). Plus, she did act pretty shy and self-conscious around Kaname—overall showing that she does feel things strongly and gets influenced by her emotions.

So then with how calm, laidback, and levelheaded Kaname is, I can see him being the calm to mellow out and balance Sayu's intensity, the reassuring steadiness to her turbulence. This element is definitely similar to Kaname's dynamic with Chisaki, with him being the one to always comfort/console her—but with Sayu, she's still perceptive enough for this not to be just one-sided emotion dumping like it was with Chisaki and Kaname. And with her sharp tongue, she's still able to make responses back, which makes these types of interactions between the two of them more engaging and interesting to me.

Like this! He takes in her feelings, provides his own comfort in response, and you can see how she's overwhelmed by emotions as Kaname says he'll start seeing her as a girl his age, but still she responds with the quip of "You're pretty condescending, aren't you?"

And I just LOVE this type of dynamic as opposed to just crying, or flat emotional responses, you know? :""))) Being able to joke and banter amidst the heavy emotions... it just adds such a nice dimension to their dynamic.

And side note, I really like Kaname's response—he's not making any promises to her besides respecting her as a girl his age. Which is fair! This type of response feels so rare in romance anime (not that I watch a lot), and is pretty realistic, in my opinion. A "maybe". Get you a couple from a romance/drama anime who can handle confessions by responding reasonably and NOT running away in tears

And overall, the few moments of heart-to-heart we saw between the two of them during her confession showed a glimpse of SUCH a nice relationship.

[cont.]

Kaname: That big brother you admired is actually just a big kid.

Sayu: Don't go putting words in my mouth!

Like, there's just something about the... sheer sincerity of this, this mutual acknowledgement of the fact that they're both just kids (which is also a really nice touch/nod to the theme of their age difference, or lack of it now, after this and Kaname's response)... it makes me happy for them. This is probably the most open about his feelings that Kaname's been to anyone, the most he's shown the 14 year old boy inside that constant demeanour of maturity and composure he wears—that he was pushed to wear, living with Chisaki and Tsumugu, the literal adults that he had to find himself navigating alongside.

LOOK AT HIM

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE'VE SEEN SUCH WARMTH IN HIS SMILE FOR THE ENTIRE SHOW. I'M SO HAPPY FOR HIM.

So anyways, yeah. I think Sayu and Kaname as a pair are amazing for both their personalities as well as the connection they made in this moment. But this brings me to my second thought about this, which is how much I wish that they actually had a meaningful bond before this moment :(

Because the significance of Sayu's confession to Kaname is so great—it was the first time he realized that somebody did care about him after all. But then I think about the fact that Sayu has feelings for Kaname... because he pet her head when she was 9? Like, her feelings obviously stemmed from an infatuation as a kid, one that lacked any real substance. They barely had any important interactions afterwards for the rest of the first half of the show.

And then after skipping forward 5 years, the fact that Sayu feels the exact same way, and the fact that her 9-year-old infatuation remained so strong that it became a factor motivating her to work hard in school? It just... I don't know, these feelings just feel so... baseless to me. Which makes me so sad! Because personality-wise they're such a good pair!

But as much as I want to suspend my disbelief to wholeheartedly love this ship, compared to Hikari x Manaka who've been close friends their entire lives, or Chisaki x Tsumugu who found support in each other through the 5 lonely timeskip years... it's hard for me to completely believe in Sayu's feelings beyond this childhood infatuation, you know? She talks about how because of him, she was able to work hard, so he wouldn't see her as just a little kid" and that "because of him, she was able to keep going". And her line "You were right here in my heart the entire time!"—as beautiful as it was—the fact that it's spurred on by a 9-year-old crush... I just can't fully immerse myself in it. And even though a long-lasting childhood crush isn't completely unrealistic, for a fictional story that's comprised of deliberate writing decisions, having it happen like this is something that I feel is unfortunate and just feels so much less meaningful than every other relationship in the show. I'm just glad that Kaname's response was reasonable and compelling, given the circumstances and his relationship with her in the moment. But if their bond had any build-up or meaningful moments, that would've been so much nicer imo.

But regardless, Kaname and Sayu as a ship are my favourite in the show, and even without what I wanted, I'm still glad that her confession happened. If you're here, thank you for reading! This anime really be leaving me with unresolved feelings nearly a decade later :")

[cheerfullycatholic]

Can you please give me some good book recommendations?

What kind of books are you looking for, exactly? I could give you loads of fictional book recommendations, but that would be silly of me to do if you're looking for books about Catholicism specifically.

I'll just give you a few of each! However I apologize for not explaining the plot of each of them. I'm terrible at explaining things, and due to past experiences, I've found it best to just leave figuring out what the book is about up to the person I'm talking to.

For fictional books, I really liked The Infernal Devices trilogy by Cassandra Clare. By "really liked" I mean I bawled my eyes out into my dog's fur when I finished the last book and got a five dollar fine at the library because I refused to return it (eventually my sister had to return it in secret). However I don't know what kind of story you're looking for so, results may vary.

The Darkest Minds by Alexandra Bracken was very good, as well, and the movie was probably the best book to movie adaptation I've ever seen, with only minor details missing or changed.

A Thousand Pieces of You by Claudia Grey is very different than the other two I mentioned, but still great.

I have to apologize again, actually. I lost all motivation to read a few years ago (saddest thing in the world, I know) and read those three when I was around fifteen or so, and haven't read them since. Some may not like that they're young adult books. If you're looking for adult fiction books, I can't help you. Well actually, my sister really liked (what I think is technically an adult book?) Red Rising by Pierce Brown (gorgeous man, great writer, you should watch his interview with Tasha Polis on youtube, I ship them). I haven't read that one myself yet, but I trust my sister.

Now, as for Catholic books, I started reading Saint Faustina's diary and really like it. It feels like an invasion of personal space sometimes 😅 but she's such a beautiful person and her faith is very inspiring.

I also have (but haven't read into it very much yet) See How She Loves Us by Joan Carroll Cruz, it talks about 50 approved apparitions of Our Lady.

This one is fictional, unlike the other two, but heavily involves Catholicism and I've followed the guy who wrote it on Instagram since before he published it and feel the need to recommend it all the time, and that is Stork: Sowing Season by Brian Patrick Edwards. It's his first book so don't expect it to be a masterpiece if you read it, but the story and characters are fantastic (Cole is my favorite). This one I think could be considered adult fiction, now that I think about it.

Hold My Beer by Fr. Mark Goring is super short, but worth it. Oh, this one is fictional, too.

AH I HOPE I'VE DONE WELL. IF YOU READ ANY OF THEM, I HOPE YOU ENJOY THEM AS MUCH AS ME and if you have recommendations for me I would gladly take them, I only care that they don't depict animal or child abuse, unless it's very brief and the plot is so good that it makes up for it