#They're from a book I'm currently writing set in current times so they're not meant to be super extravegant

[drawingwithgreen13]

Some OC portraits I did based on sketches from a sketchbook <3 They're all complete disasters and I need years worth of therapy <3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for writing a story? ✨ (emoji so I can find this easily)

So around a year and a half ago, as part of a drama exam me and a group of four others had to devise a piece to act out for the exam.

Me and two others who were the actors (the other two did the set and music) ended up really liking the story and characters we were creating for the project and all wanted to expand on the story we'd created for the exam.

The three of us me (currently 16 NB) and the other two who I'll call Alex (currently 17 M) and Rowan (currently 16 NB) made a discord server for the three of us to talk about the characters we'd made together and share ideas for how we'd develop them if we turned the performance we were writing into a story/book series.

This was a lot of fun and at first I really enjoyed discussing ideas about the characters we'd created but after a while I started to find myself disliking some of the others' ideas more and more and wanting to write the series on my own.

I never acted on that though because the three of us were all passionate about our ideas and the characters so the idea of writing my own version felt wrong when the others wanted to write the story too as a group.

Now since then, Rowan has stopped talking to both me and Alex. I haven't heard from Rowan since May and honestly I don't really want to hear from them again because since we stopped talking I realized our friendship really wasn't very healthy for either of us. During this time they deleted discord but their account was still in the server.

Alex had disappeared offline since January but recently returned five months ago. We caught up and at first we talked about our ideas, the characters and how we wanted to turn it into a book series again, during this we kicked Rowan's account from the discord because neither of us spoke with them anymore. After a while we stopped talking much about the characters and our ideas and just started talking about random things. But last week Alex left the discord unannounced and I haven't heard from him at all since.

Now, I know Alex might return sometime like he left and returned before and I know this is pretty soon but while he's gone and since I'm no longer in contact with Rowan, I've found myself wanting to try writing the story myself with complete freedom to write the story I want to write and not have to use the others' ideas that I don't like.

It wouldn't feel so wrong anymore since they're not still there discussing their ideas or talking about how we should all write it together as a group but I do feel a little unsure if this would be an assholeish thing to do. I mean, I'd be writing about the characters we all created together, using the base story idea we all created for the project and I don't know if Alex will return or not yet.

So, would I be the asshole if I wrote the story by myself?

Additional info.

Idk if any of this is relevant but it might help with the judgement/I feel like people would ask for info about this stuff if I didn't add it.

The ideas I disliked were mainly to do with the development of a certain character, a ship that really would not make any sense and Alex wanting to add in a talking magical dinosaur to the plot of what was meant to be a story set in the modern day real world.

We never actually tried to write the story as a group before, we just talked about it.

None of us see each other IRL anymore.

I have got ADHD and autism.

There wouldn't be anything nsfw in the story.

None of the characters were based on any of us.

There are a lot of reasons why mine and Rowan's friendship wasn't healthy for either of us but to give a few reasons we didn't really care about each other's interests (like fandoms), would consistently cancel on hangouts with each other or would get into arguments over stupid stuff and not talk for weeks only to go back to being clingy with each other when we started talking again. Looking back, it was definitely an unhealthy friendship for both of us.

What are these acronyms?

[hyp-fixator]

Misc. Headcannons as a little treat and also cause I'm bored. (Most are region based!)

Hyperlaser tends to like writing as a coping mechanism. He keeps everything in a single storyline in a book that will forever stay a work in progress. ^ All it is is him putting his life into a different perspective. Most of the time I feel like the book would be pretty boring, just a day after day after day kind of thing. Noticing the little patterns around him, noting down what he eats, how he rested, etc.

All demon horns, if expressing strong emotions, can emit sparks and/or electric currents in the direction of growth. These sparks are harmless and are more of a pulse of light if anything. ^ if strong emotions are felt and the demon has injured/broken horns, the sparks/electricity can escape through the injury, and depending on the severity can cause a sparkshower. ^ these sparks also crackle like static electricity, while the glowing pulse going up the horn(s) is a faint hum. (This is partially inspired by horns glowing when the Phighters phinishers are ready, though when that happens it's kinda like when you go into a rage in dnd. A bunch of built up power erupts and the horns pulse so fast they look like they're glowing)

And now the faction headcannons!

BlackRock is a tourist attraction most of the time! With the mountains and valleys, it tends to feel a lot like Banff National Park in Canada. ^ tons of expensive as hell food, shops, ect all meant to trap and drown people.

Blackrocks economy is the worst out of all the factions. Many people have to eat only a few times a week, and when they do, it almost always tastes like gasoline and/or dirt. Of course, with the tourist traps, no one knows unless they move there how bad the cuisine is. They probably steal recipies from neighboring factions.

All of Blackrocks labs are built into the largest mountains, the only way in and out being the massive steel doors.

BlackRock was of course named after the mountains in the region, which are made out of a slick black rock. The most common tourist souvenir is a piece of this rock from the mountains.

there's of course the more mountainous places in BlackRock, but most of the population resides in the center of the faction which is protected by the mountains surrounding the massive city like a bowl. ^ this city resembles downtown japan and New York times square, but x100 more busy and advanced in their technology.

this city tends to only be visited by the tourists who are dead set on going, as it's not very tourist friendly with its inhabitants and the stores are more than expensive. Their cornerstores arent even that good either.

BlackRock doesnt celebrate anything, and is more secluded when it comes to their culture.

At playgrounds center is just an urban town, always resembling one of those classic movies based in the 1970's/80's. ^ the outskirts of Playground is a massive and dense forest system, where plenty of secrets are held. Most of them are hideouts though.

Playground is a heavily community based faction, and it doesnt have many big cities. The capital is one of the only cities, and even then many still prefer the towns and neighborhoods scattered across the faction.

There's also a few large lakes around the faction, so beach culture is a fairly big staple.

Playground doesn't usually celebrate a lot of things as a whole faction, and more rather everyone has massive parties and celebrates with their own family and friends. Party-hopping happens quite a bit because of this

The thieves den is the second most visited faction, and the calmest of them all. A permenant fog covers the ground, giving it an almost eerie feel, though it fluctuates with the weather.

Community is also a fairly big staple, though it's more in business then personal connections. ^ there is plenty of farmland and tons of street markets open almost all the time.

The Thieves den, without much competition, easily has the best cuisine out of all the factions with all the freshly grown and harvested ingredients, along with talented chefs.

The capital of thieves would most likely look a lot like those old chinese towns, but I wouldnt be suprised if theres a bunch of Korean inspiration in there as well.

Festivities are not very common, but when they do happen, Theives den goes all out with some of the most light and decoration crazy celebrations. Most times the capital holds it, and almost always it ends up being the whole city decked out to celebrate.

The theives den also has plenty of bars and pubs/hotels scattered around the faction, and they all reside fairly close to each other.

The lost temple is the driest faction of the four, residing in small towns around a massive desert, usually based around water pools and oasis.

Most of the buildings are made of sandstone and chiseled with delicate details.

Of course the church of the true eye resides somewhere in the capital, most likely hiding behind a different name.

Lost temple is probably the most menacing faction specifically for how uneasy the air around it is. Naturally theres some very nice and safe places and experiences to go to, but if you take a wrong turn it's very easy to end up in the wrong side of town.

markets are also fairly common, every other street has at least a few stalls up daily.

the more populated areas are definitely a little more "yee haw cowboy" esque, having taller buildings and such.

[kvalenagle]

Map time! Here's the map of Belamuria, the setting of the Gryphon Insurrection series, starting with Eyrie. This map was made by Jeff Brown, who promised a map if the series hit five books. The original idea was for the map to be divided into sixths with one in each book. Hence the Redwood Valley in the southeast is perhaps larger than it would be on a to-scale map (I like to think this is Kia or Cherine's map, perhaps one they both contribute to, so their home is larger). Then again, perhaps it's an Ashen Weald map, with how the kjarr and bog are featured. The tagline for the series was "interesting gryphons in interesting locations," and Belamuria offers that. Though the series begins in a redwood weald (a weald is an untamed, overgrown forest), it heads out to underwater settings, the frozen aneda taiga, valleys of poisonous monitor lizards, high peaks, abandoned kjarrs (forests becoming wetlands), infected bogs, plague cities collapsed through limestone erosion, inland seas of luminescent, toxic jellies and basilosauruses, jungles who only spend half the year above water, underground cave systems of all sorts, desert red rock canyons or plateaus of toxic pools ruled by flamingos, coasts with toxic algae blooms killing all mammalian life, not to mention the Abyssal Naze, where water and land vanish into darkness.

Making the map while writing book 4 of a series where I'm currently working on book nine presented some challenges. I think the mountains are generally a bit bulkier, wider, and fill in more space than I originally estimated. (Jeff is working off my sketches here, so those errors are mine. He did such an amazing job, down to the reeve's pet lurking in the Crackling Sea.) Books necessitate a rectangular map, but I'd imagine things stretched out more. The Winter Jungle would extend down and far past the edge. Speaking of past the edge, Goldrin Goldpaw's pawprints cover Ashfoot Isle, directly south of Sandpiper's Dune, and The Wrecks are due south from there. The Pitohui Eyrie might be a bit farther off the coast, too. And the kjarr and bog would be a little skinnier, though I like having things spread out to refer to when writing books like The Crackling Sea.

It's strange to think that after nine books, we've visited most of Belamuria. GryphIns, despite the tagline, isn't meant as a travelogue. It has a strong series plot arc. War and disease don't often stay contained, spreading like a wildfire across an entire continent. Yet the same might be said of kindness. Okay, back to writing Saberbeak for me. I just needed to bring up the map, and I couldn't remember if I'd shared it on Tumblr yet. Fun trivia fact: but because of how many different printers make the editions of GryphIns in different countries, it's very difficult to get a proper two page spread. Reevesbane often has it, but with other books, the printing wasn't reliable enough due to how the binding works. That's also why Reevesbane has the two page spread of a certain villain... because their body is elongated, it doesn't necessarily matter how it's bound, since they're meant to look a little off. In most editions, if you could unbind it, you'd see that the left page has all of the Crackling Sea and the right page also has all of it. Since the middle of the page is lost in binding, it tends to give the illusion of going across both pages together. (Though, depending on your country or even what store you order from, it can look better or worse.) Back to smilodon gryphon writing, though. Pridelord's copy edits had a slight delay but are back on track, for those asking. Once they're in, I'll go back to Pridelord so it'll release as soon as publishing allows. -Vale

[pemokiandkenacia]

A More Thorough Introductory Post:

Hello, friends, and welcome to our semi-official P&K content blog. I'm @smzeszikorova, and I'm working with @adrielcastlyre on a series of four books, currently titled Pemoki & Kenacia, though that name may be subject to change. We've spent about ten years world-building and character-building. Not an ideal timeline, but I regret nothing. The joy's in the process.

We've laid out the foundations for all four of our books—made the transition from pantsers to planners. The outline's all there, and though there's a few important details to work out, we know what direction we're taking. Phase one's complete. Once I've submitted my thesis (UPDATE: SUCCESS) , we'll be set to hammer out our drafts.

For newcomers:

Pemoki & Kenacia's a bit ambiguous, genre-wise. The closest thing to it's probably hard fantasy. As for our target audience, I'd go with "adult". our POV characters' age range is pretty broad, and their interests and concerns vary accordingly, but they're written with adult readers in mind. I'm cautious to reduce P&K to a string of TikTok tropes. That said, here are some things you can expect to find here:

Multiple protagonists. Our cast is large. We've got approximately 90 named characters in-universe whose appearances in the end product are more or less guaranteed. Granted, most of these aren't central to the plot. But our main cast is on the large side. Each book generally has one to two protagonists; they change from book to book.

Multiple POVs. And to ensure that each character's arc comes to a satisfying conclusion, I switch between points of view somewhat regularly. (My tendency's to head-hop. For college degree reasons, I read a lot of old-timey Russian literature in the vein of Anna Karenina, and it influences my style, but I know head-hopping's a bit of a controversial writing choice these days. Whether we'll try to shift toward a purely omniscient style is currently under debate. Regardless, expect to get to know a lot of characters.)

War and international conflict. Our story's very concerned with the personal struggles of our characters—familial conflict, romance, friendship, betrayal, etc.—but it all takes place within the broader backdrop of these warring countries we've invented. And the war takes center stage often.

Deep worldbuilding. This universe is large—well suited for such a large cast. Currently, it involves five multinational regions, eleven countries, and nineteen cities. With limited space to explore all these places, we highlight what's essential and let the rest inform the narrative in subtler ways.

More reality than fantasy. People who’ve had a look at our works in progress say that we’re pretty grounded in reality for a couple of fantasy writers. All our main characters are human. Magic is a genetically-inherited phenomenon with rules loosely based in science. And while none of our fantasy regions, ethnicities, or religions are meant to be read as directly analogous to any real-world ones, they do draw influence from the real world at times. I’m sure you’ll notice this in the Russian-based languages of the Sitrii Elariny, the English-based language of Kenacia, and the language of Qhiron, which draws from both but perhaps not quite so obviously. In our worldbuilding, we make a point to give our invented nations believable complexity, heterogeneity, and political and economic motivations. We’re not too big on the “This region is inhabited by the stouthearted, down-to-earth Welverpeople who universally prefer farming tools to swords, are warm and inviting to outsiders, practice simple domestic magic, and make for extremely loyal allies” vibe.

Conlang. Fairly self-explanatory. Usually I'll just say, "[Insert sentence here]," Character X said in Pemokese. But now and again, when I feel it enhances the narrative, I'll leave it in my invented language and let readers draw their conclusions about the meaning.

Problematic characters, dark topics, and complex, incomplete redemptions. It's very important to us that we approach our darker topics with caution and sensitivity, but we're not writing Aesop's fables. Don't expect comfortable, obvious answers to the ethical questions we pose. Folks looking for escapism or retributive justice narratives should probably look elsewhere.

Queerness; disability; ethnic, racial, and religious diversity. Our story isn't really about these elements, per se, but our characters come from a variety of backgrounds, both real and invented, and it does inform the story. (We're both white and culturally Christian, and in terms of our relationships with queerness and disability, we'd both make for lousy representation, so we're operating with the understanding that we're gonna need hella beta reading once all this is done.) And on a similar note . . .

We take some unusual liberties with our world. Fake religions (Dzulyan, Kvotian, etc.) coexist with real ones. And though our languages and cultures are obviously influenced by the real world, they're all explicitly invented. We're not too concerned with making our universe consistent with real-world history, so while we do touch on issues related to queerness, ethnicity, etc., we don't go out of our way to align the experiences of our cast with those of people living within a certain real-world time period. When we decide what scientific knowledge and technology to include, our key is internal consistency. We'll guide you through the rules of this universe as needed, but if at any point you find yourself wondering what time period we're supposed to be in, just know that the answer is "none of the above".

Now, with all that said...

What are you likely to find on this blog?

Updates. If you want to know how P&K's coming along, here's where we'll ramble about the process.

Art or other related side projects.

Requests for beta readers, once we get to that stage.

This blog's a writeblr of sorts, but we won't discuss anything unrelated to P&K here. My coauthor's not very involved with social media in general, and I'm in and out of the writers' community on this site. So if you're here for tag games, community events, etc., @smzeszikorova's where you'll find all that. This blog's essentially a dumping ground for P&K materials. I can't imagine it'll be too effective as a hype builder, but once our books are released, everything we post here will be available for our readers to see. And on the off chance that our books get big (which I'm not counting on, but it'd be pretty cool), those of you who join in the fun now will have special clout. "We were here from the beginning." Do with that what you will.

We take asks! If you're interested in putting our characters in (non-erotic) situations, feel free to send in an art prompt.

As for the books themselves, I've tried to be sparing about plot reveals. (That'll be truer from here on out than it was on my other blog. Current mutuals, I swear I'm not kidding when I say all those art posts, quotes, and snippets I used to post are basically void. That's how much we've changed over the past few months. But the first book's premise remains the same:

As the threat of war looms on the horizon, Catherine Leures, an impoverished Kenacian woman living in the north of Pemoki, enlists in an effort to pull her family from the depths of financial ruin.

(I think I'll hold off on descriptions of the other books for now. They'd be pretty spoilery. But I'll post more thorough blurbs as I start getting these published. We do have titles for the second, third, and fourth books: Fledgling's Descent, Stirrings of a Silent War, and The Fallen Star of Thaeryvon.)

What do I mean when I say everything's changed, then?

I mean the process of filling plot holes, removing extraneous plotlines, and accounting for sensitivity in our characterization has resulted in a good number of our characters' personalities, relationships, and arcs being completely revamped. Lucky you! Aside from knowing the names, national and moral alignments, and general appearances of most of the first book's main cast, you'll be on about the same page as new readers if/when P&K gets published.

Before I go, a couple updates about P&K:

Since I started writing my thesis, my writing style has changed significantly. We've been making stylistic revisions to our original draft. Thankfully for our future editors, our first draft's gotten a lot more concise.

All the canon events are essentially set. The "outline" I did for my thesis is basically one long synopsis. All that's left for our first draft is to fill everything out with dialogue and detail. (Easier said than done, but I'm excited anyway.)

My coauthor and I have been playing with the idea of a character narrator: someone with a personal investment in the story. We're not sure yet, but it's a fun experiment.

If you've gotten this far, thanks so much for reading this incredibly long post.

[e-b-reads]

Books of the Month: Feb 2024

At this point I'm doing books of the months posts late more by design than by accident (I mean, several were by accident, but now...). It's interesting to look back with a little more distance and see what reads stuck with me from the previous month. This time it was:

My Brother Sam is Dead (James Lincoln Collier): I picked this up literally years ago for free, thinking I've heard of this so I should probably read it. Despite the title being right there, so you know what's coming, it was still a little more violent than I expected, and sort of more sad (although obviously I knew it would be sad! But he still got me). I am including it on the list because of a post I read recently about some people failing to grasp that there's nuance in history. A good book about a boy - young man - and his shrinking family, and how they're mostly just trying to live through the events happening around them.

Thus Was Adonis Murdered (Sarah Caudwell): Now for something completely different! Well, someone still dies in this one, but otherwise. I had heard of these (this is first in a short mystery series) before, but I didn't realize how much of an ensemble cast they have, or how hilarious they are! Set contemporaneously with when they're written, so early 1980s. Oxford Professor Hilary Tamar (gender unclear) seems to never spend time in Oxford, but instead hangs out with a gaggle of young lawyers (solicitors? I admit the British law stuff loses me a little, but it's kind of meant to) in London and in various cities around the world where they keep falling into situations where someone was murdered, and write each other very funny letters about it. I can't describe these sufficiently but I recommend them wholeheartedly.

And then I'm going to do something I never have yet, and list a couple honorable mentions. These were special to me for specific reasons, but might be exactly what someone is looking for so I'll list them too!

Call the Nurse (Mary J. MacLeod): This is one of those books written by someone who had experiences and wanted to write about them, rather than someone who wanted to write and so chose some experiences to write about. True stories from a woman (a nurse) who moved with her family to the Scottish Hebrides in the...1960s?? (Someone is currently borrowing my copy! I can't check, I think that's the right time period.) It was given to me by a very good friend; she'd read it a while ago but had trouble finding a copy to gift. So she was very triumphant when she found one, and I was touched. I enjoyed it as a book to read in the evenings, one chapter at a time.

The Waterman (Tim Junkin): This is fictional but kind of fits with the above as a book that's about a specific place and time as much as about a plot (though it does have a plot! gets exciting at the end). It was written in the 90s, takes place in the 70s, but though things have changed a lot, there's a lot of things that are still true about the communities around the Chesapeake Bay today, and I really liked it.

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Brains are especially prone to bullying us in this darkest week of the year that also has the most pressure on it to be HaPPy and MaGiCAl. I'm sorry you're having a rough week!

Couple asks: do you do New Year's resolutions or set goals or anything like that? If so, any you're willing to share?

Second, we've talked a lot about pantsing vs outlining etc. This is semi-related I guess. I seem to have backed myself into a corner where I have a very specific scene I want to write, but that doesn't seem to be where the story wants to go, so everything I try to do to get there feels forced and dry. Do you think I need to drop the planned scene entirely to get my flow back? Is there some magic trick to get my brain to cooperate with me daring to plan something for once? 😅

Work has been a bear and hormones are currently out of whack, so it's not like it's surprising and honestly could be a lot worse, but I'm just so tired and grumpy and feeling underappreciated. I'm going to go take a nap soon.

One:

Yes, I do set New Year's Resolutions, sort of, but I haven't actually made most of them in a few years. They're typically writing-goal oriented, and I'm not generally very married to them. But they're goals. Things like getting back in querying (missed it again, thanks concussion), finishing drafts, starting new things. I think this year it's going to be finding a new CP, getting Tiadane's book out the door, and finishing at least one draft of Avel's.

Two:

I have a number of times had to drop plot lines I liked the idea of or scenes because they just never fit into the story or I never had time for them (in the story line). I suspect this will always happen, and it's a little sad, but sometimes it's just better for that particular story.

But there are ways around it:

Write it anyway, and if it doesn't fit, it doesn't fit. You still have that scene you love.

Plan the damn story around the things you want most to include, and therefore that scene you want to do (this can be hard because you can do that and then sometimes the story warps and it's weird anyway).

Write a new story to stick The Thing in. Very popular choice.

Sometimes also talking through the problem and articulating why the story is veering in a different direction from that scene can be helpful (even if only talking to yourself).

For example, that I'm just making up on the spot here:

The Scene: A very dramatic reunion between Protag and Love Interest set in Protag's home after a year apart, and one of them is wounded and dripping wet from the rain and there's a couple lines you really like about what they meant and why they left and why they couldn't return sooner and the other getting down on their knees to beg for forgiveness or whatever the hell.

Why would the story not want to go there? It's great, right?

Except maybe the dramatic confession words you imagined don't quite work with other ways you've described the feelings so it doesn't seem like a way to sum it up

Maybe the location is wrong, because Protag's home has become a source of too much safety and it seems wrong to have a dramatic confrontation there, or the layout you made for it doesn't match your Cinematic Daydream.

Wait, why are they going to someone they haven't seen in a year wounded they have other options and they're not actually the type of person to do that despite how cool it looked in your head.

And then once you kind of narrow down the specific sort of direction the story is building to and the specific location the Scene That Doesn't Fit is in, you can see if one or the other can shift towards the other so they can meet together, or if it's just irreconcilable, or you have to pick which elements are most important and how you can repurpose them.

I don't know if this is helpful. Maybe? Lemme know, I guess.

[needlesandnilbogs]

arada and/or overse for the ask game!

Arada

First impression: Oh, hey, a lesbian couple! And this one has a name that sounds a little like my friend!

Impression now: Okay but what's going around in her head. She's competent and kind and she's learning how to lead and everything and she's also smart and probably autistic and the narrative doesn't even say anything it's just normal! (She is everything I want to grow up to be, let's be clear)

Favorite moment: We don't get to see that bunkroom scene in Network Effect, but it spins around my head constantly. Onscreen in the actual books I also really like every little moment in Network Effect where it's clear she knows what she's doing when it comes to leadership.

Idea for a story: … I should just paste my entire list of ideas here. It is easier to list the story ideas that don't involve Arada than the ones that do. But specifically: my February goal that's not close to being met is to finish a fic that's just her pov of network effect (current title when I talk about it is "arada pov of network effect" but I have a different working title for it)

Unpopular opinion: SHE DESERVED BETTER IN SYSTEM COLLAPSE. We do not see anything of her and we didn't see anything that even alluded to her leadership in Network Effect. I am very extremely mad about this still and think she should have gotten to go with SecUnit instead of Ratthi.

Favorite relationship: The obvious one when you look at what I write is her relationship with Overse and the infinite ways it can manifest and change depending on how they're changing, but the one I'm really enjoying exploring right now is her relationship with Mensah -- we don't see anything special here, unless you count the line from ASR where it's Mensah and Arada overriding everyone talking to mb about feelings, but I'm really enjoying the space that gives for her to be learning about leadership from Mensah but also knowing when not to take advice. Also I like figuring out how Ratthi fits into Arada and Overse's relationship as best friend but also third wheel.

Favorite headcanon: I really really love the idea that she and Overse are both transfemme demiromantic asexual lesbians and their relationship is non-normative for Preservation. In any universe where they have kids, she's also definitely got three teenage kids for whom she shares responsibility with Ratthi and Overse but she's the primary person to deal with Kid Things. Also also autistic Arada is something I basically don't think about as headcanon anymore because there's serious textual support for it but I guess that counts and it influences how I write her.

Overse

First impression: Aww, lesbians, I love them already (see above)

Impression now: She's the sensible one everywhere but she cares so much and she's doing her best to be supportive all the time and also she's got so much going on we don't see so tell me more about her.

Favorite moment: In Network Effect where she stops in the hall and reminds Arada to be like a bulkhead. Why that metaphor? I must know!

Idea for a story: Oh, so many things. I really want to know what she does for a living, though, so I want to see her growing up and trying six quadrillion different things before she ended up with a large set of vaguely related skills that's somehow perfect for survey work.

Unpopular opinion: also deserved better in System Collapse. See above rant about how Arada deserved better, they both did. They should get to be the ones doing fun stuff sometimes it doesn't always have to be Ratthi!

Favorite relationship: With Arada, but I also think it would be really cool if she was close friends with Pin-Lee, if something about them being the only two without a doctorate meant they ever had moments where they were like. Do my friends understand common sense (or other things where they could both Get Each Other that way). basically I think she and arada should both have more friendship onscreen with the rest of presaux.

Favorite headcanon: Why does she have weapons training in ASR? I have overanalyzed that implication to heck and back and decided the answer is that she grew up in an area of Preservation known for aggressive fauna that think humans are yummy so to go do camping things or anything she had to get medical and weapons training at a young age.

Bonus headcanon for both of them is that if a modern human who isn't very up to date on gender or sexuality met them they would look like a stereotypical femme/butch relationship. Because Arada has short hair and wears basically the same outfit every day while Overse has really long hair and likes to dress up and whatever and then if you look at their hobbies Arada spins and crochets and sews and cooks and can paint so many fancy nail designs and whatever and Overse is over in the corner of their home taking apart the third chair in two days with a hammer and building things and sticking her hands in guts and gore and basically the two of them are out here breaking every stereotype ever by being actual human beings but in this specific way they're exact opposites by earth standards just not in the expected way.

[onewomancitadel]

Bf sent me this because he knew it would set me off:

I thought it was really important to track down the article (it's from The Cut: this isn't the opener as I thought, but a subheader) and give it a real read - it's from right before Dune (2021) released. Sometimes stuff is taken out of context and it's an unfair representation, sometimes - gloriously, gloriously - it sounds worse in context.

This is one of my favourite terrible times when it does!

I was wondering about the background of The Cut. A subsidiary of Vox Media, related to the New York magazine, it presents itself as - well - cutting edge popular and cultural criticism, the kitchen sink of thinkpieces about whatever currently ails the ego of the writers and editors and/or what can be safely criticised without upsetting anyone or saying anything of substance.

Presumably the actual title of this piece, What Even is Dune, Anyway? comes from a position of simply wanting to get in on the buzz. The problem with Dune is that there's a perception that it's a boy's club, and this is an attitude reproduced in the article, bolstering gender divides. The title is really meant to say, What Even is Dune, Anyway, Girlies? as a cute quip. As a cornerstone of sci-fi, it's meant to be even more tongue-in-cheek - the smugness is intended.

I'm not going to do a line-by-line read, but I hate this author and I hate everything about this article.

But the reason the author hasn't seen Dune is because she's writing this article for those wanting to understand what people are talking about without needing to get involved, or who want to see the film without spoilers, I suppose (and not read the books) - this is actually a valuable perspective, and makes sense in this magazine, so I see why it was published. It's meant to be inclusive for all the people who aren't into sci-fi, and the interest of this article isn't so much in the plot of Dune, but the celebrity spectacle of the ensemble cast, comprising the likes of Timothée Chalamet and Zendaya and Oscar Isaacs etc. etc.

Nevermind that Chalamet was pretty much born to play Paul. The celebrity is first, the actor's talent for which they're famous for is second. Lol.

As damning as the Tweet screenshot is (emphasis mine)...

Apparently, Dune had some influence on Star Wars, so you will be forgiven for believing the two franchises are one and the same; if it helps you to think of them this way, that is fine with me.

The subheader is meant to fuck with you.

So, as far as I can tell, the intention is to fuck with Dune fans either out of personal spite (eh) or out of the virality of saying ignorant shit. You have to remember that when you read annoying things on the Internet. Your attention matters, that's all. It's free real estate whether it's anger or joy. That's why this cycle of journalism is unsustainable. Think about how many people are exhausted and angry all the time online.

By the time we get into the author's version of Dune, which uncritically expects the feudal house of Atreides to be celebrated, I am ready to ragequit. The misrepresentation of Dune and the power of its prophecy and tragedy makes me cry. It's not Lord of the Rings: Lord of the Rings is a mythic epic. Dune is a tragedy. The chosen one is cursed.

And it has come to my attention that Herbert pilfered a bunch of Arabic and Persian words

He didn't pilfer 'a bunch of Arabic and Persian words'. If you are going to introduce Orientalism as a point of critique, the borrowings in Dune transcend 'a few words'. The genocidal space jihad is more than a little appropriation - the Dune (2021) film itself actually censored the use of the jihad and in place used (EDIT: I originally said it used 'crusade' here but misremembered. It's instead 'holy war' and not used as often. I don't know why I originally thought this! Nevertheless, I personally hold that the dilution was probably necessary). What this appropriation constitutes actually really matters - with its Lawrence of Arabia influence, it's not always completely straightforward. Neither is Paul directly responsible for all of the Fremen's power - their power is secret, and the rest of the empire, before Paul, did not know this (this is its own othering). That is in part Paul's corruption: he manipulates a native peoples' whose power are unparalleled, and takes them away from their home to conquer the rest of the world. It's monstrous.

This is a pithy style of pseudo-criticism of hegemony which lets you think you're clever and 'with it', without having to engage with substance. This is the foundation of a publication like The Cut. I'm not sure if this describes the entirety of professional criticism. The Cut is not a film magazine. But it does represent a very popular style of commentary that has currency for the comfort it affords.

This article offers anger for Dune and film fans and smug self-assuredness for those who aren't. It covers both bases. It's actually really clever.

But what is it all about?

To me, it sounds like the central problem of making a Dune movie comes down to the confounding nature of Herbert’s fictional universe, which simply doesn’t lend itself well to clear, concise storytelling.

This thesis is introduced right at the end. I don't know why. The article wanted to get in on the action about Dune without having to commit, and without offering thoughtful commentary. This isn't a helpful remark to someone who wants to know what the Dune buzz is about (for good or ill).

But we know why, it's because the part everyone cares about, which the OP of that screenshot so helpfully provided, is the content they want making the rounds. It's not substance. It's not about the question of adaptation, of Orientalism, of corruption and tragedy, about the cultural value and success of Dune or its place in respect to Star Wars. None of that matters.

The reason I said it is gloriously, gloriously worse in context is because it is proudly cynical and proudly ignorant. I would love to read a piece by someone who's new to all of this and is sharing their real, interesting opinion, beyond 'butthole' sandworms and whatever crass joke will appease the TikTokers. But it's not that. It made me annoyed and it was supposed to.

[i-left-my-room-tidy]

I'm also confused now mhmm

I mean... i'm still very indecisive about how I personally want to view the human mind, its consciousness, and realities... especially in regards to manifestation and reality shifting.

I must say i don't know that much about the writings of those people you mentioned. i'm currently reading neville goddard's books. English isn't my mother tongue. So, the archaic english parts REALLY confuse me sometimes but his way of interpreting the bible is really interesting.

Before getting into law of assumption and reality shifting, I was generally into spirituality and witchcraft. I even had a huge tumblr blog for tarot readings lol... yk through channeling my spirit guides and 'predicting' things so to say. Though, my way of viewing myself and the world I'm in changed a lot over the past view years.

But it's kinda like wanting to set puzzle pieces together but there are puzzles pieces from different pictures and some fit together (physically) that are not really meant to be together (image-wise) iykwim? And later on, you find out that some parts were wrongly put together so you have to revise it (your beliefs) and start again from zero... it's a difficult and really confusing journey imo.

And as i'm not really able to grasp the concept of this reality yet and what role my consciousness in all this plays, it's also really difficult to decide what role other people's souls and 'soulmates' play in this.

Oftentimes, I just want to simplify everything for me just because it all seems so overwhelmingly complicated. (Thats also why i wrote a very vague explanation in that soulmates ask - i tried to keep it simple.) Which reminds of what neville goddard keeps mentioning that humans always try to analyse everything even the simplest things and therefore always end up with complicated 'conclusions' which in turn makes them stray afar from the (very simple) quintessence. (idk if that made sense now lol)

I know this whole rant was probably completely useless to you, it just shows my confusion... sorry once again my mind is very scatterbrained and i don't know where im going with all those thoughts most of the time :')

Anyways, I still have plans to shift to a (what I like to call) 'spirit cafe dr' which is just a dr in a 'otherworldly' caféshop setting where I can talk with my spirit guides and other entities. And I plan to ask them about all this (and more)/to learn from them. I don't know when I will do it, probably not anytime soon because i'm busy with university but I definitely need answers lol

Btw have you already shifted to your jesus dr?

[thanks for this ask!]

and don't apologise for the rant! while i won't claim to understand everything that you've said, i do think you make a point with goddard's belief of analyses. i myself fall subject to that 😭😭

sometimes, we want to understand the world so much—and it's as if each change needs to be predicted, just so we fulfill our desire for knowing. i think that's where your experience with your worldview shifting and my habit of theorising fall under. as you've mentioned, the journey is a puzzle, and in some cases, the pieces never always fit together as expected. we both want to know what would be of us, and why; we want to know when, where, and how it would happen.

my best guess is that it's merely human nature at play. certainty isn't always guaranteed, as can be depicted by the presence of change itself. so, we try to make solutions for a problem that should have been left alone. I'm not saying it's inherently wrong, but the processes we take make it our lives harder than we need to. call it a lapse in judgement, if you will.

I'm not as versed with the concept of spirit guides nor do i always try to seek them out, but i do know they're very significant to everyone's journeys. that's mostly a matter of opinion, but don't let it stop you. i hope you get the answers that you seek!

and don't be shy about the rant! it's refreshing to see someone else's thoughts on the matter, actually. it usually takes me some time to respond, but i love long-winded discussions.

as for my jesus DR, not yet, because it's not that urgent for me as of the moment. I'm currently focused on my fame DR. but i do hope to shift (or mini-shift) to my jesus DR at least once this year, on or before christmas [just to celebrate it in time lmao].

[big-boah]

FIRST — the first two sentences of my current project

LAST — the most recently written two sentences of my current project

NEXT — the next line. meaning i will finish the sentence I’m on and write a new one, which you’ll get.

[insert prompt here] — you post a prompt, and i’ll write three sentences based on that prompt, set in the same time/setting as my current project

THE END — i’ll make up an ending, or post the ending if i’ve written it

BEFORE THE BEGINNING — three sentences (or more) about something that happened before the plot of my current project

POV — something that’s already happened, retold from another character’s perspective

ALL OF THEM!!!

AHHH here goes nothing:

FIRST: "Goku parked his orange 2007 Honda Civic in the driveway of the Capsule Corp mansion. He was dressed for his lunch date in his usual "nice" outfit–a short-sleeve, plaid button-down shirt that accentuated his biceps and broad chest, with a tight white undershirt, faded blue jeans, and his signature green flip-flops."

LAST: "Each time he took a step forward, the man in front of him took a step back. They continued this dance for about 30 seconds before a booming voice interrupted them." (I'm literally in the middle of drafting lmao)

[Insert prompt here] 3 sentences based on the current project (I'll go wildcard for this one with a timestamp idea I outlined!): "Vegeta had no idea how anyone could enjoy themselves here, or why Goku insisted on him joining them so badly. Sand? Sun? Water? Three of the worst things he could think of. The group was planning this vacation for months, making sure to get it in before the weather got too cold."

THE END: Two words: "small" wedding.

BEFORE THE BEGINNING (I pretty much mention all the past stuff in the story but here's some fun facts): Before Chances started, Bulma and Yamcha were dating (why he lives at Capsule Corp just like canon) and she didn't have the heart to kick him out when he went and got a job actually helping people. Goku dated Chi-Chi in the past but they're still friends. Vegeta has a lot more experience than Goku in the sex department which Goku is ashamed to be surprised by. 😂

POV (yo this is an awesome writing exercise! the first chapter of Chances is from Goku's perspective so here is a blurb from Vegeta's POV at the very beginning of the story): "Vegeta didn't know if he'd ever get used to living so...high up. The home he just left was huge, similar to this one, but he never had a second-floor bedroom that had an always-on panoramic view of the city.

Vegeta could make out Bulma's voice responding to someone else's--the two voices traveled up the stairwell to Vegeta's doorstep, and he froze. The clock on his wall said it was 11:59 AM, which meant it was lunch time, but that also meant he'd have to go in the kitchen and possibly interact with this...stranger.

He blinked when the clock turned 12:01, peeling himself off his bed and making a beeline to his door--he had to do this all in one shot while he had the motivation. He flung the door open and let it slam shut behind him as he booked it down the stairwell.

"Hey Vegeta, want to join us for lunch?" Bulma asked after he turned the corner.

"Hnn." He mumbled in response, trying to shield his awareness from the wide-eyed glare of Bulma's guest. He thought about grabbing a plate of their food and heading back upstairs, but that would require interaction, so Vegeta made himself busy (and distracted) by arranging a bowl of cereal for himself and consuming it as fast as humanly possible.

"Huh...so he's not deaf." Vegeta's eyes flicked to Goku for a second, before he returned his focus to his meal.

...This guy is clearly an idiot.

"You can't blame me can you?" Goku's voice shifted in pitch, and Vegeta didn't understand why it sounded so forced. He considered a response for a second, but no words would come, so he went back to eating.

Vegeta felt himself frown when he saw Bulma's strange friend whispering to her. He assumed it was about him, based on the fact that Goku was glancing over at him every three seconds.

Bulma took it upon herself to announce that he was autistic, and he saw Goku immediately start whispering again. He'd had enough of the staring and announced his departure by tossing his dishes into the metal sink."

*phew* THAT WAS SO FUN THANK YOU 😁

[fuck-this-im-a-witch]

I definitely have some posts I will make when I come back here properly; sorry to those I've left waiting.

My birthday just passed and I had been packing to move when one of my parents got covid so I had to leave the house and leave my supplies behind.

I would be back now... but my other parent caught covid and is unvaccinated and medically vulnerable so we're unsure when I will be home.

Needless to say it's been a somewhat stressful time and I am currently staying with my partner until I can safely return home, where my priority will become finishing packing all of my supplies and moving house because that was meant to be happening on the 4th of March and now we don't know when it will because I've been separated since the 21st.

When I move however, I will be continuing writing my book, setting up my new business, and beginning preparing for a new job position I have been offered in advocacy. So I won't have the most time to write for this blog and will do my best to reblog others posts occasionally when I'm scrolling through.

I'm currently working from my partners house and thus am a little stressed here because I don't have a personal office space or my proper supplies and barely even have my proper clothes.

And because this was unexpected, I'm a little tight on funds so while normally I would gladly just go spend $25 on spell ingredients for a post knowing I would toss them in my collection when I get home, I've barely been able to afford meds.

I'm safe and will continue to be, I'm doing well and I hope you all are too.

Also to those who want to help; I will absolutely be financially okay when I get paid at the end of the week and my partner is able to financially support me through this and has also been a fantastic support for me physically too. But if you wish to, light a yellow or dark green candle for me. They're my favourite colours and I find them very relaxing and hopefully they bring you some joy too.

🖤Pixie

[brrahbrrahcharacterimagines]

Illness and Jealousy (Jiraiya x Reader)

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Jiraiya x Reader

Word Count: 3434

Warnings: Angst, minor cursing, mentions of illness and vomiting (not graphic)

A/N: Currently obsessed with the idea of Hanahaki disease because I love me some unrequited love angst

--

You had known the man for years. Being a civilian, you were always interested in the Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf Village. Working in the local library meant that you ended up seeing them more often than other civilians typically did, with Genin and Jonin alike coming in to read up on anything from battle tactics to new recipes.

The first time you met him, he walked in with a stack of books in his arms.

"Well you're a more attractive librarian than I had pictured," said a male's voice confidently. Not seeing him walk in, you jumped in alarm and whipped around with your pen ready to strike.

"Woah now," he continued, setting the books down to put his hands up in mock defense. He smirked at you, and you lowered what would have been an insufficient weapon had he actually been there to harm you.

"I'm sorry," you said bashfully, hurriedly clearing some papers off the counter to make room for the man's books. "I usually hear the bell go off above the door, but it broke last week and-" you looked up at the man, finally registering his features. He was taller than you, and he possessed some of the broadest shoulders you had ever seen. His thick white hair was long, scruffy yet somehow it suited him. On his forehead was a headpiece resembling a Shinobi headband, which explained why he looked so large and strong. Realizing you had been staring, you cleared your throat and turned your attention to the books in front of you. "Did you have some books you wanted to return?"

"No," he said, still as confident as when he arrived. "I was actually hoping you would like to stock these. I wrote them myself."

You weren't sure what to say at first. Nobody had ever come in before with such a proposition.

"Huh?"

The man seemed confused at your reaction, having expected more of an actual answer.

"Well, you see," he said, quickly losing the confident bravado in his tone. "When I was younger the toads predicted I would write books, and eventually I did. They're legends, action novels. Well, the ones on top are. The ones lower down are a bit more..." He paused, as if thinking of a different word than the one he wanted to use. "Graphic."

Not addressing what he said about toads, you slid the books on top to the side to see what he meant, and one look at the titles had your face growing hot.

He meant they were 'erotic'.

As you moved the other books back into place, your eyes grew wide as you realized the name at the bottom of each cover. You looked up in shock.

"Are you Jiraiya, the Toad Sage?"

Suddenly the random toad mention made a lot more sense. Not to mention all the clues about him being a ninja. His smirk came back to his face, confidence returning as well.

"Why yes I am."

You exchanged a few moments in silence before you cleared your throat and turned your attention back to the books, unsure of what else to say on that note.

"I've never had anybody propose that I add their books to my collection before," you said. Yet, you thought back to what you have heard about his writing before. While you had not had time to read them yourself, you had heard great things about the novels written by Jiraiya in the past from those who had. Even the dirtier ones received high praise. "But, I'll allow it."

His face lit up.

"Oh thank you!" He said, beaming. You smiled back at him, trying to ignore the way your stomach filled with butterflies at the way he grinned at you.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around," you said. He winked in response before turning to leave.

"You can count on it."

--

To your surprise, Jiraiya returned to the library only a few days later. He came with a bag, and the contents clanked together as he sat it down on the counter. Thankfully this time you heard him as he walked in.

"Y/n!" He exclaimed with a smile. You had no idea how he knew your name, but you liked the way he said it.

"Hi Jiraiya, it's nice to see you again!" You greeted him warmly. "What's in your bag?"

"Tools," he said, the same, somewhat dopey smile on his face as he looked at you. "I'm here to fix your bell."

Immediately you felt a little embarrassed. Thankful, but embarrassed.

"You don't have to do that," you began to protest, but as soon as you could begin Jiraiya picked his tools back up and cut you off.

"I figured I could come fix it to make up for scaring you the other day. Besides, this way I won't be able to scare you in the future."

Does he plan to come in more often?

You watched as he fixed the door bell, sneaking glances at him as you put books back in their places on the shelves. Before you knew it he was done, bidding you a 'see you later' before heading out. You sighed, already feeling something in your chest that you wanted to go away. You hoped that he didn't actually plan to come more often, or else you feared this feeling would grow stronger.

--

Jiraiya did end up coming in more often, but the more he did the less you cared about the way you felt about him. Every smile in your direction made you let your guard down, thinking it might not be all that bad to have feelings for the man. You'd heard stories of how he was a flirt, but it didn't make you think any less of him.

You began seeing him outside of the library, deciding to both go out to eat together after one of your shifts, or meeting him for lunch another time. Eventually you became good friends, inviting him over to your house at least once a week. The more you saw him, the more you fell for him. Yet at the same time, it became harder to see him as every time you invited him anywhere you had to add as friends. It hurt your heart every time.

One night, after too many rounds of drinks for both of you, the two of you made your way back to your apartment. You stumbled in, taking a few tries to get your key to turn in the lock. Jiraiya followed, plopping down on your couch with a huff as if he owned the place. You didn't mind, he'd been there so often you weren't surprised that he felt comfortable.

"Y/n?" He said softly, making your ears perk up.

"Yes Jiraiya?" You asked, making your way over to your living room, placing yourself down in a chair across from Jiraiya's position.

"Have you ever been in love?"

Your heart stopped for a moment, then began racing faster than it had ever before.

"What?" You stammered.

"Have you ever been in love?" The alcohol in Jiraiya's body must have made him blind to your reaction, believing you just hadn't heard him the first time as he nonchalantly repeated himself. "I think I am."

There was no way you would be able to calm your pulse now. Your head was spinning from both the alcohol and his words, though you felt as if the shock and stress was beginning to sober you up.

"You are?"

"Yea," he said with a dreamy smile, glancing into the distance. "You know, I flirt with a lot of women. But man, there's only one woman for me." He looked over at you with that same dreamy, lazy smile. You couldn't help but smile back at him.

"I've been in love before," you admitted. Jiraiya nodded in understanding.

"Have you ever met Tsunade, Y/n?"

With those words your smile faltered and you felt your whole chest get tighter. You had read the situation wrong. He wasn't talking about you. You tried to respond with something, anything, but nothing would come out of your mouth. You felt like there was too much saliva in your mouth, and yet your throat still felt impossibly dry.

"Man, she's a woman if I've ever seen one. Flat as a board Tsunade from the Academy really grew up, in more ways than one," he said with a suggestive raise of his brows. You may have been in a state of shock and hurt, but you were able to register every word he said. "Not to mention our history. I've been in love with her for so long, I don't know if I'd ever be able to truly love anyone else."

At that moment, your dry throat felt even worse. You must have had more alcohol than you thought, as you had to race to the bathroom before you made a mess all over your carpet. Retching into the porcelain throne, you were thankful Jiraiya hadn't followed you.

He's probably too lost in thought about Tsunade, you thought bitterly. You felt horrible about it; you liked Tsunade. But you couldn't help but resent her a little for being such a strong object of his obsession.

Finally your heaving came to a stop, and you reached to flush what remained before making your way back to your living room. As you reached however, something caught your eye. It almost looked like a flower petal, and you rubbed your eyes to try and make the object more clear. Still, it persisted.

You flushed and left the bathroom anyway, sure that the alcohol was simply taking a toll on you. You told Jiraiya goodnight, welcoming him to sleep on the couch which he gladly accepted. You made your way back to your bedroom, shutting the door behind you before flopping onto the bed. Alone, finally processing his words, you let yourself cry. Before you knew it, you were fast asleep.

--

Jiraiya was gone in the morning. This was pretty typical of him, having business he had to attend to much earlier in the day than you did. You got up, making yourself a cup of tea before getting ready for your day. Thankfully it was your day off, so you would be able to nurse your minor hangover in peace.

You sat down on the couch, trying not to think about how Jiraiya's presence lingered. If you thought about it too hard, you knew you would cry. You didn't want to waste your day off crying about a man, much less a man who was in love with someone else.

You finished your tea, getting up to put the cup in the sink. As you stood, you felt a lump rise in your throat. Before you knew it you were hunched over your kitchen trash can, emptying the entire cup you just drank. Unmistakably, you noticed soft white petals among everything else as you emptied anything that was left in your stomach.

Just how drunk was I last night? You thought. Surely I wouldn't have eaten a literal flower.

It was over as soon as it began, leaving you with a tight feeling in your throat and a wave of confusion. Pushing it to the back of your mind, you went about your day.

You picked up the kitchen, made your bed, and anything else that made you feel productive. Cleaning helped you clear your head, not to mention made you feel better on days you did work since you were able to come home to a clean house.

As you went to put the final pillow on your bed, you felt a familiar lump rise in your throat. Again, you saw flower petals. Although this time, there were unmistakable leaves entwined as well. Whether you were seeing these for real, or just going crazy, three times was enough. You needed to see a doctor.

--

The hospital felt cold. The waiting room was uninviting, and while the patient rooms were a bit nicer they still left you feeling uneasy. you had never liked going to see the doctor. The nurses came in, asking you enough questions to know that the doctor would need to do some tests.

Before you knew it you had been poked prodded, and everything in between. You knew it was bad when the nurse returned, motioning you to follow them to the doctor's personal office.

As you sat down in one of the chairs facing the desk, you took a deep breath as the doctor began to speak.

"I'm afraid you have Hanahaki disease." He said, giving you a knowing look. "I know most people think it's a myth, but all of the tests came back positive. With your symptoms being what they are, we are sure that this is the correct diagnosis."

Surprisingly, you didn't feel scared. If anything, you were relieved at the demystification of the disease. You knew you weren't crazy; you weren't making it up.

"You only have two courses of action," explained the doctor. "The first is to tell the one you love how you feel. If they reciprocate those feelings, you will cough up the rest of your petals and get better. However, if they don't reciprocate those feelings, your disease will progress to the next stage. You would survive, but your quality of life would be severely diminished."

You nodded, encouraging the doctor to continue as you took it all in.

"Your second course of action would be to refrain from telling the one you love. Your disease will progress more slowly, but you would only be able to survive until they marry another, at which point the thorns in your lungs would constrict until it would be impossible for you to breathe. Do you understand?"

You nodded again. Although there were only two options, there was a lot to process concerning the heavy decision you would have to make.

--

You made your way back to your home, taking your time to enjoy the city around you. Konoha was always beautiful this time of year, the sun only making the colors of the season more vibrant.

You arrived home, placing the pile of medical papers you were sent with on the kitchen counter. Deciding to do something that always helped you think, you got in the shower.

The water was hot, almost to the point it burned. As it cascaded over your shoulders and down your back, all you could think about was if you should tell Jiraiya. And if you did, what would you even say? Your heart ached as you thought about his words before. No matter what words you used to tell him, the results would be the same. He was in love with Tsunade. Your aching heart was soon accompanied by a tightness in your throat, the flower petals rearing again.

As your chest and throat began to feel a bit better, you got out of the shower. Dressing in some comfortable pajamas, you decided to grab a quick snack before going to bed for the night. You weren't going to be able to think about it any more tonight.

You walked out to the kitchen, when suddenly a voice made all of your alarm bells ring.

"Who is it?" Said the voice lowly. You jumped, eyes scanning the room until your eyes settled on Jiraiya. He was holding one of your files in his hands, your diagnosis clearly apparent to him now.

"How did you get in here?" You demanded, trying to steer his attention away from the paper, yet to no avail.

"Who it is?" He asked again, his voice raising in volume as he eyes rose to meet your own. They were full of hurt, although he was trying to make sure his voice didn't show that fact.

"Jiraiya, I-" You said, mouth dry. You weren't prepared to tell him. You couldn't tell him.

He slammed the paper down, making you jump a little as he never showed that kind of frustration around you. You knew that Jiraiya is strong. you'd ogled his muscles enough to know that, but he had never reacted this way in front of you before.

"Damnit Y/n," he said, rubbing his face with his hand. He moved it towards the top of his head, running his fingers through his hair in a move that you would have found attractive had the situation been any different. "Please."

His voice broke on his last word, making your heart break as well. Jiraiya looked up at you with sad eyes. You opened your mouth to speak, but the only sound that came out was a cough as it shot from your body.

Jiraiya rushed to your side, rubbing your back in an effort to make you feel better as you coughed up a full flower bud. Whether from time or the conversation, your illness was progressing.

"I thought we were close, Y/n." Said Jiraiya softly. "You told me everything. Why won't you tell me this?"

You shook your head, still recovering from the fit of coughing that had wrecked your throat.

"I just can't." you told hi, voice shaky.

"But why not? Maybe I could help you, I could go find this guy and teach him a lesson. Yea, I'd crash his skull in just for hurting you like this! He doesn't deserve to be walking around free while you are here suffering and"

"It's you."

Cutting Jiraiya off with your words, you looked down at the ground.

"It's you, Jiraiya."

He went silent, so silent that you weren't sure that he was even breathing. His clothing shifted, the only sign that he hadn't disappeared into thin air.

"How long?" He asked after a long pause. "How long have you known?"

"About my feelings, or that I was sick?" You asked, still not daring to meet his eyes.

"Both."

"I've known for a long time that I felt this way about you," you admitted. If everything was going to be out in the open, you might as well tell him everything. "I knew I would feel this strong eventually from the first time I saw you."

"How long have you been sick?" He asked, his voice less steady than before.

"Only since yesterday." Tears formed in your eyes, betraying any bravado you had left. "When you told me that you were in love with Tsunade."

Suddenly, you felt unable to breathe. Thinking back to the doctor's words you were confused, neither of his reactions should make you feel this way.

A deep laugh made you realize the situation you were in. Jiraiya had his arms around you, nearly crushing you. His laugh reverberated through his chest, making you feel in it your own chest pressed to his own. Although he was laughing, you saw tears pricking the corners of his eyes.

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?"

"What?" You stammered. Why would he be laughing right now? "Do you think this is some cruel joke?"

"Y/n," he said, taking his arms back, making you miss that warmth immediately. Looking down into your eyes, he continued. "I love you."

You felt your chest grow lighter, although that weight was moving up as you began to cough. Running to the trashcan, multiple flower buds came up, petals scattered throughout. Jiraiya held your hair out of the way as you coughed up what remained of the petals. As you finished, you turned to face him again.

"I- I feel better!"

He drew you into another hug, this one not as tight but somehow even warmer. You felt him rest his chin on the top of your head as you leaned into his chest.

"I swear I'm gonna kill Kakashi," he said, making you look up at him in confusion. "He knew how I felt about you. He suggested trying to make you jealous."

Now it was your turn to laugh.

"Really Jiraiya? You put me through hell over the last 24 hours, not to mention could have killed me, and it was all just an attempt to make me jealous?"

He looked bashful, but not shy enough to not meet your eyes. You took them in, not wanting to miss a moment of the way he was looking at you.

"I love you so much, Y/n. I would never hurt you again."

"I love you too Jiraiya... and you better not!"

[hiddens-eden]

The Last Tune (Emmett Cullen x Male!Reader) Pt 1

Paring; Emmett Cullen x Male Reader + Cullen Family x Male Reader (PLATONIC)

Warning: Cursing, Abuse, Tramua, Angst

Pronouns; He/Him

Spelling checked; No

Summary; Y/N is a quiet boy that's had his fair share of physical and emotional trauma, so he loves to keep to himself. He barely interacts with anyone unless needed and prefers to listen to music and sketch in peace. So imagine his surprise when some of the most popular kids in school want to be around him! They heard him singing along with his music and were immediately entranced. One of them in particular has his eyes set on him. Though, they are not the only ones who have an interest in Y/N.

A/N; Hello, my little Otaku's! Welcome to my first fic! I hope you enjoy, and feedback is always appreciated! Just be kind! I'm sorry if it seems at all rushed! On my next stories I do plan on switching PoV's so it'll be easier to write and more entertaining. Enjoy!

"Who are they?"a dark haired girl asked her friend that was sitting just across from their lunch table

"Those are some of the most popular people in school, the Cullen's. Not only are they hot as hell, but they're charming to boot! They do disappear for long periods of time, which gives them an air of mystery."

At the Cullen's table, they softly chuckled at the description the new girl was given. After all, it's only natural considering what they are. They are a being talked about in many fantasy tales. Known for their taste for blood. Vampires, a creature of the night that feasts on humans. However, they in particular don't drink human blood

They went back to softly talking to each other, but a few minutes later something caught their attention. A soft voice echoed in their eardrums. It was enchanting and beautiful, it was like nothing they've ever heard of. They all simultaneously started looking around for the source of the pleasant sound when the new girl asked about someone else.

"Who is that?" she asked, pointing to a table where a boy sat by himself

"Oh! That's (Y/N), (L/N)! He doesn't talk much, but when he does, you can't help but feel so tranquil and at peace!"

That caught the vampire's attention, and they whipped their heads to where the brunette was pointing. Noticing that that was where the sound is coming from.

"What do you mean?"

"His voice is so soft, like silk! But it has a sort of firmness to it! That's not the only thing, though. He is so kind, adorable, and smart as well! He even helps who ask for him to tutor them. His personality makes everyone want to be around him!"

That rose some questions in the vampires heads. If he is that well-liked, why is no one sitting near him?

"Then why is he alone?"

~The vampires will have to thank the new girl for asking so many questions~

"Well, whenever people come near him, he gets anxious and tries to get away as soon as possible. Someone grabbed him on accident, and he started having a panic attack, falling to the ground, and hyperventilating."

The Cullen's were a little shocked when they heard this. That wasn't normal for sure

"Holy shit. Was he okay?"

"Yeah, he was sent home early. But, some students saw his face as he was leaving and said that he looked terrified. We think something is going on where he lives, though we can't know for sure" she shrugged

"Once he came to school the next day, he was wearing long-sleeves. I thought it was weird considering he never wore them before, but the rest of the school shrugged it off as it being in the winter months making it reasonable. The person apologized the next day and (Y/N) just said it was fine, and he just likes being alone, so now that's what we do"

Right when the girl finished, the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Making everyone get up and start to throw away their trash and head to class. All except one person...

"I don't think he heard the bell" Emmett said

"Gee, none of us would've guessed!" Rosalie responded, causing the other Cullen's to chuckle

Suddenly, Jasper's sight shifted to his wife Alice because he felt her stiffening up, a tell-tale sign of her power activating. The other vampires looked at her as well, waiting for her to relay what she saw. After a little bit she came to and, slowly, turned to Emmett grinning

"Emmett, why don't you go over and tell him class is about to start? Maybe even ask him to tutor you! We all know you need it." she remarked, still grinning

Starting to understand why she was acting like the way she was, Emmett sighed, wanting to protest, but he knew Alice's visions almost always came true, or they would end at the same conclusion.

He made his way over to where the boy was sitting

"Remember not to grab him!" Alice semi-shouted from where she was standing

Emmett waved her off, still approaching (Y/N)

He gently tapped (Y/N)'s shoulder, making the smaller boy jump in surprise and what Emmett can only assume is fear

(Y/N) turned his head around fast enough to give him whiplash and that's when he met the golden eyes of the person that startled him

He took his earbud out before speaking, "I-Is there s-something I can do for you?" (Y/N) asked shakily

Emmett stood there for a moment. He had never seen someone so hot and cute at the same time. The girl was right, too. His voice is the embodiment of angelic. Emmett took this chance to take in all the boys features, from his soft (S/C) skin that reflected the light of the cafeteria. To his intoxicating (E/C) eyes that he could get lost in over and over again. Emmett felt a small pull to (Y/N), and he knew exactly what it meant.

“H-hello? Are you alright?” (Y/N) asked

“I-I um…class is about to start…”

(Y/N) looked at the time and blushed

“So it is…” (Y/N) stood up and started collecting his things “T-thanks for letting me know” (Y/N) stood to leave but was stopped as Emmett stood in front of him

“I was wondering if you could help me study for chemistry? I’m currently failing” Emmett chuckled, rubbing the back of his head

"I-I don't mind, where should we meet?"

"How about the Library after school?"

(Y/N) smiled the slightest bit "Sounds good, now if you don't mind I need to get to class" and with that (Y/N) left the cafeteria heading to his next class. Emmett slowly rejoined his family, still in awe from the recent interaction.

Jasper grinned from the emotions Emmett was emulating

"It seems Emmett is very interested in that guy"

"Hell yeah I am! Did you see him?!"

"We did" Edward answered him, "But"

"But what?" Emmett asked

"I can't read his mind, same with the new girl"

"Does that mean they're a supernatural?" Rosalie asked

"No, they aren't. The new girl is a weird case, but (Y/N) seems to just have fantastic mental walls and barriers. Which is concerning..."

"Then I'll have to break them" Emmett smirked

The rest of the Cullen's let out a collective sigh as they made their way to their respective classes. Still wondering what was going on with the mysterious (Y/N).

The final bell rang, indicating the end of the school day. Students started to funnel out of their classes and into the hallways. Emmett was waiting outside (Y/N)'s classroom, ready to head to the library.

After waiting awhile of waiting, (Y/N) came out of the classroom books and binder in hand

"Hey"

(Y/N) jumped and turned around to see Emmett, a look of relief claimed his face

"You ready to go?"

"Y-yeah"

As they made their way to the library, they made some just talked about their interests and things of that nature, eventually arriving at their destination. After they settled in their seats with the necessary books, they started the study session.

Emmett found it cute, they way (Y/N) would nervously try and help him understand the complex formula's and equations. After a few explanations, (Y/N) sat down and started to work on his homework. Unconsciously, (Y/N) started to sing to himself, making Emmett perk up and look at him.

"You're a good singer"

(Y/N) blushed, "Thanks...but others don't think so..."

"Are you kidding me?!" Emmett stood up, causing (Y/N) to jump a little, "Your voice is amazing!"

(Y/N) blushed at the praise he was given. He'd never been complimented before, so this was new to him.

"Thank you" (Y/N) smiled, making Emmett's cold and dead heart swell with something he's never felt before

"N-no problem" Emmett said before sitting down, and starting to work again, still thinking of that cute-ass smile

Soon, the sun started to set and that was their cue to wrap things up.

"Could you tutor me again tomorrow? If you're free, that is" Emmett asked

"Sure, I should be open. Meet here after school?"

"Deal"

"Then I'll see you tomorrow" (Y/N) smiled at Emmett before walking to his place

To say Emmett was giddy is an understatement. He was over the moon. Not only did he get to be tutored by his adorable mate, but he also got him to open up and be more relaxed around him! He made his way back to his own house and entered with his head still stuck in the clouds. Unaware of the fact that the whole family was sitting in the living room

"It seems that Emmett had an amazing time" Jasper couldn't help but let out his own smile from Emmett's emotions

"Something good happen, Emmett?" Carlisle asked, intrigued by Jasper's comment

"I think he's the one"

"The One?" Esme questioned

Alice snickered, clearly happy that her vision seemed to have came true

"My mate" Emmett replied, still thinking about the fun time he had studying with (Y/N)

"Congrats!! But, make sure you claim him before anyone else!" Esme explained

"He's not an object, Esme" Carlisle chastised

"I know, but humans may not understand their feelings"

"I just have to take things slow. I don't want to scare him off"

~Next Day at School~

"Hey (Y/N)!"

"Hmm? Oh, hey Emmett!" (Y/N) smiled sweetly

As Emmett got closer to (Y/N) he noticed a very distinct smell coming from the boy. "(Y/N) are you alright?" he asked concern lacing his voice

(Y/N) visibly tensed and started to shake slightly. "U-um ye-yeah? I'm f-fine"

Emmett was less than convinced. He needed to know who or what hurt his mate, so he could end it's pitiful existence, then and there. Though, he decided not to add anymore fuel to the fire...yet.

"If you say so. We should head to to class"

"Yeah"

"Are we still on for tonight?"

"If you still want to, then yes" (Y/N) smiled at Emmett causing him to absolutely gush at his adorableness

"Yep! Totally!" (Y/N) chuckled at Emmett's response

While heading to class they just talked about whatever was on their minds. Well, mostly Emmett since (Y/N) is a closed off little bean <3. But, that didn't stop either of them from enjoying themselves. Even once they where in class they softly whispered to each other. Their teacher didn't care much because (Y/N) is a model student and Emmett is a popular kid (you know those teachers that try and get in with the cool kids? Yeah, that's their teacher). When they went their seperate way's for their second block (Y/N) though that was it, like all of the other people he's tutored. He just thought Emmett was being kind and he'd see him after school for their study session. But he was proven wrong at lunchtime.

(Y/N) was eating by himself at a table listening to music and singing along softly when he felt vibrations coming from next to him. He looked over to not only see Emmett, but the whole Cullen entourage in tow. He was shocked to say the very least.

"Can we sit here?"

Collecting himself he responded with a soft "Yeah". The Cullen's then sat down, Emmett sitting on your right and Alice on your left. She squealed and looked twoards you "I've wanted to actually talk to you for a while now! Emmett talks about you and your singing too! I hope I can hear you one day!" This, this was how (Y/N).exe has stopped working. You where an embarassed blushing mess while looking at Emmett in mock betrayal. 'He talks about me?' you thought. He just smirked enjoying your cuteness.

"Ahh!!! He's soo adorable!!" Now you were a even darker red. Only provoking Alice more as she got slightly closer to you. You were about to curl in on yourself when you felt that you were being griped by the waist and pulled into a solid chest.

"Alice, your going to make him explode" Emmett said slightly, just slightly defensive

She laughed "My my what about you then?"

"What do you mean?"

"Look down, bonehead" Rosalie butted in amused

Emmett did what she said and saw you an absolute wreck. If a cherry was a person it would be you at this point-

Now he was trying to compose himself. The sight of both of you made everyone at the table start chuckling. After that whole fiasco you got to know Emmett's family and started to enjoy their presence. Something you never really had the pleasure of experiencing...

Over the next few weeks, Emmett did everything he could to be even remotely close to (Y/N). They would do studying sessions at the library, and after they would get something to eat. Well, only (Y/N) did. He thought it was weird Emmett never ate anything, but Emmett assured (Y/N) that he was eating well. They would often go to parks and just have fun too. However, all fun things come to an end. When one day (Y/N) didn't show up to school. Emmett just thought (Y/N) got a cold, but soon days turned to weeks and he was getting worried. He didn't know where (Y/N) lived so he couldn't go to his house and see if he was alright, but one day Carlise came home a little later than usual which was not unnoticed by his family.

"You're back late" Esme commented

"Well there is a teenager in critical condition. He came in with severe lacerations all over his body and what seemed to be marks of repeated tramua as well. He came in a couple of weeks ago and was in a coma until he flatlined earlier this morning" Carlise took off his doctor coat and placed it on the chair making his way to Esme. As he stood next to her he looked over to see his "children" with wide eyes

"Is something wrong?" Carlise asked a bit worried

"When did that patient come into the hospital?" Emmett asked urgently

"(Date). Why?"

With that all of the vampires stood up and started to get ready to go to the hospital

"What's wrong? Where are you guys going?" Esme asked

"That's most likely my mate" Emmett replied, making it clear he was irritated

"Well then what are we waiting for?" Esme rushed everyone out the door and to the hospital

At the hospital, they made their way to the room (Y/N) was at. Once there, Carlisle motioned for Emmett to enter first. Emmett went in and was shocked by what he saw. (Y/N) had many tubes attached to him. His body was wrapped in bandages and his breathing was hitching. Emmett walked over to the resting (Y/N) and reached out for his hand, grasping it softly. He rubbed his thumb over the boy's knuckles in a reassuring manner, then sat down next to the bed, still holding (Y/N)'s hand. He could only think about how much he failed his mate. How could he let this happen? He knew there was something going on, but he did nothing? He turned a blind eye to it all. How can he face (Y/N) when he wakes up? Emmett's thoughts were interrupted by someone's voice

"Who are you?"

"I should be asking you that" Emmett replied

"I'm (Y/N)'s boyfriend"

With that, Emmett's world stopped. Boyfriend? How? Why? Was I to late? Emmett turned to (Y/N) conflicted, but that's when he saw the heart monitor. His heart rate was not that high a while ago.

"Can you leave me with my boyfriend?" (B/F/N) asked harshly

Emmett reluctantly stood up and made his way to the door, but not before taking one last look at (Y/N). Once he was out of the room, Emmett started walking down the hallway back to his family.

"Who was that guy that went in there?" Rosalie went up to Emmett

"Apparently, he's (Y/N)'s boyfriend"

The Cullen's looked at Emmett in sadness and pity, but they noticed something

"You don't seem that bothered about it" Jasper said

"Well, before he came in, (Y/N)'s heart rate was normal, but when he spoke his heart rate rose"

"So, you think-"

"Yeah, his 'boyfriend' must've done that to him"

"That's awful" Esme covered her mouth in shock

"We can't really do anything if we don't have proof though" Alice said irritated

"Then we'll just have to get some" Emmett smirked, making the other Cullen's nod

They made their plan's and put them on hold until you were sent home. In the meantime, Emmett came to visit whenever your 'boyfriend' was never there and if he was, Carlisle was keeping a closer eye on you than normal. He also noticed that (B/F/N) would only ever sit in the chair across the room and when he would glance at you a look of disgust would be present on his face. This further solidified his resolve to get you out of that situation.

~A few days later while Emmett is visiting you~

"We're going to help you (Y/N), Everything will be better soon" Emmett reassured the sleeping male whilst holding his hand. He then felt (Y/N) clench his hand and looked up to see those beautiful (E/C) orbs opening

"Em-"

"Shh, don't strain yourself yet" Emmett stood up and pressed the 'call' button just above (Y/N)'s head before sitting back down

"Where-"

"The hospital...can you tell me what happened to you?"

After a brief pause, (Y/N) shook his ever so slightly

"That's fine, just tell me when you're ready" Emmett smiled sweetly. He saw (Y/N)'s face contort into sadness as he started crying. "I-I'm sorry f-for worrying you" (Y/N) choked out between sobs. Emmett couldn't see him cry like this, so he started to comfort and reassure the other male. "You'll be okay...I won't let you get hurt anymore..."

A/N: I really hope you liked it! Please tell me your thoughts! Sorry it took way longer than I said! I will now be working on the requests I have gotten and a new series I've conjured up ;)By my little Otaku's!!

[hellomynamiseglaf]

🌰Chestnuts and Warm Milk🍂

My List of ~Favorites~ for Interactive Fiction and Visual Novels

(This is a work in progress so please bear with me)

Interactive Fiction:

The Wayhaven Chronicles (WIP Series in Development) - @seraphinitegames  (Look,,, I’m just... obsessed.. I can’t stop thinking abt it,,, and I'm..... sometimes, I read and I think I feel like I know what love is.)

Mind Blind (WIP) - @mindblindbard (I just,, UGH it’s so good. I can't even say that much because my feelings about it are so potent that everytime I see an update I try to tell myself to leave it alone to play larger portions of updates as a treat and everytime my willpower FAILS and I replay the demo like twice in a row)

Demon: Recollect ; Forsaken (WIP) - both by @bathalafiction (whew...WHEW!!! Are you kidding me?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Look. I was attached to Demon: Recollect. I loved it. And then I played the Forsaken WIP and now I can't get over my absolutely BOMB character design for my player persona. Also it's kind of fun being considered a jerk in the game, because it opens up a lot of different options that I usually feel bad about taking)

Shadow Society - @carawenfiction (the concept is so interesting,, I dream of more. Also Quaiel...baby...)

The Soul Stone War - @intimidatingpuffinstudios (also whew!! I really enjoyed it and the characters all picture themselves really vividly in my mind for some reason.)

Greenwarden (WIP) - @fiddles-ifs (reading this is like thick fog.. but in a good way? I don't know how to describe it without pictures but this IF smells like fog over wet grass)

Divine Intervention (WIP) - @divineinterventiongame (the concept?? UGH SO GOOD. For some reason it's always the first game I click to check for updates)

Golden (WIP) - @milaswriting (😈😈😈😈)

Blood/line (WIP) - @bloodlineoffical (simply put,,, LARRY)

Supernatural in New York ; The Bastard of Camelot (both WIPs) - @llamagirl28  (UGH Both of these are so good in their own ways but equally as exciting to see updates for. I haven't consolidated my feelings much further than "my MC for SiNY is so cute" and "Mordred is a child" but they're all generally positive.)

Ace of Spades (WIP) - @steph-writing (I keep thinking about,,, con........)

Nevermoore (WIP) - @asteristories (AHHHHH.... let me say it again for those in the back: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

Son of Satan: The Mortal Coil (WIP) - @sosthemortalcoil (YES.)

Shepherds of Haven (WIP) - @shepherds-of-haven (yes. I just have to sigh because it's very good and I like saying those funny little words of power. But also outside of the game I can only picture this game as a great, grey border collie)

Attollo (WIP) - @attollo (Also a very interesting concept, whoo... I almost forgot how immersive it was untill I played the demo again and was reminded of how 'into it' I was straight off the bat. Also the seperate, short little piece on the blog with Sysba was also really good and I had a dream about it the other day)

Into the Shadows (WIP) - @wynnakang​ (whooo.... I'm sighing again, but louder. I press restart and play the demo again)

A Comedy of Manors (WIP) - @sviyaginthegreat (I kept replaying options that I hadn't chosen before because I wanted there to be more lmao)

Fallen Hero: Rebirth - @fallen-hero (I think there's a sequel coming up? I haven't stopped thinking about this storyline since I finished it omg... the.. the details are really good and I've become ridiculously attached to my tragic villain? Character... she IS the standard for my reusable IF persona, or at least one of my most prominent ones ;-D )

Samurai of Hyuga (WIP series) - (I'm pretty sure multiplechoicestudios.com is the development blog for this game, or at least what I've been checking for updates..... this is a series with four book currently out.... and I've been playing through book 4 at slower than a snail's pace in a desperate attempt to prolong my experience. I really didn't think I was going to like it as much as I did but I got a little too into it and now I'm horribly attached to all the characters)

The Porthecrawl Witness(WIP) - @porthecrawl-witness (I'm pretty sure this is a WIP?? But ugh. SCREEEEEE- it's so good. It's SO GOOD. I really want to punch Talbot in the face. And Asher, if for a different reason. And sort of Staci just to try. Quinn is just a cutie I could never hurt him like that. Ugh but they're all so good and I forgot that I was reading a WIP untill it suddenly was over..... I'mfeeling really aggressive rn as I'm writing this, so please just note that the punch comment is meant as a statement on how interesting the concept and immersiveness of the characters and story is)

Forgotten Names (WIP) - by Alexandra_Zorila on the CoG Forum (turn the volume up. AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Look, look. It's..... delicious. It's SO interesting and I obsessively have a tab open on my computer to check for updates)

OFNA: Birds of a Feather (WIP) - @ofna (the vibes are so grey and smoky but the fog is definitely from a party smoke machine and the room is only dark because the walls are taped with those huge sheets of black construction paper that teachers use to cover their bulletin boards with... the game definitely falls in the 'dark and mysterious' genre but something just strikes me as really funny when I play it. Anyway it's good and it's in a lot if recommended lists for a reason. Also I'm very attached to my American Goldfinch)

More Things in Heaven and Earth (WIP) - @morethingsgame (in the same way that it's fun to play Guenevere in the Guenevere game or Mordred in The Bastard of Camelot, playing Ophelia in the sort-of Hamlet story is really fun. If anyone has read the Missing collection- which I absolutely love- by Margaret Peterson Haddix, this gives me similar vibes for some reason. Anyway, I really want to give Hamlet a hug and make him a flower crown or something)

A Tale of Crowns (WIP) - @ataleofcrowns (It's kind of not even funny how much I love this game... It's hard to even describe why I like it, just that it's so well rounded in terms of the story, characters, dialogue, and relationships. It's such an interesting plotline and it's pretty immersive. Also the first time I read the demo, there was an update as I was reading and the high that sent me on has very rarely been matched. Also Dara running to save my Crown in the tunnel?? 🤚😩🤭💓 ugh. UGH!! That's good food for my fool heart)

Scout: An Apocalypse Story (WIP)- @anya-dev (I'm usually not that into apocalypse themes/plots but I really enjoyed this game, and the plot was very good and intruiging... it really pulled me in and I like my character in the story a lot. I don't know why but it tastes like chikuwa, atsuage, and this specific type of carmelized onions that my mom makes sometimes)

Nothing left to burn (WIP)- @clowdee-works (......ouch. I *knew* what was going to happen and I STILL became attached to Drew)

Smoke and Velvet - @roast-ifs (It's good. And I am VEDY much into my character design. Also the story is really interesting, and I enjoy the setting a lot somehow)

Speaker (WIP)- @speakergame (very fun to play, and each update gets me more interested in the aspects of the plot. I also really like the little descriptions of what the characters think of the player)

The Nameless (WIP)- @parkerlyn (interesting plot, I like the characters a lot, and The aesthetics of this world are so interesting. Definitely had a good time visualizing what everything looked like)

Fields of Asphodel (WIP) - @asphodelgame (I think it's really cute so far!!! I like mythology in general, and the persephone/hades dynamic is *mwah!*... I like the way the story progresses in the beginning, and I think it works well in drawing the reader into the world. I also very much enjoy petting large dogs.)

...there are so much more.. and I have followed so many blogs.........

I'm not sure why I can't find it rn but there's this one WIP game that I really like where the MC buys a manor for like dollar and moves to go live there with her best friend and shenanigans ensue as they try to settle in and fix up the estate

Harbringer (WIP) - @harbringercog (....are you KIDDING me?? I was fully planning on just enjoying the demo and keeping a mental note to update the list sometime later,,, but this game... THIS GAME really made me fold. It's very immersive and regardless of how nervous the author claims to be after releasing the demo, it's of my humble opinion that those nerves can be calmed. It's very good. I was planning on procrastinating and reading a little bit and then going back to this essay I need to write, but somehow I got pulled in and ended up reading through the whole demo and it's apparent that I honestly had no chance of getting through this without becoming invested in the plot.... just... so good.. I'm very excited to see how this will progress)

Visual Novels:

Andromeda 6 (WIP) - @andromeda-six​  (I repeat: Obsessed, I come back every few months to see an update and I fall deeper into the hole every time...)

To the Edge of the Sky (WIP,, probably) - by Ajané (??) on Steam (I think, it’s been a while)

Next on my list to check out: Perfumare by pdrrook

Does.... does The Arcana game by Nix Hydra count as VN?? If so, then yes.

Similarly, the FictIF games are all entertaining, although Last Legacy and Heir to Love and Lies are my favorites rn (and.....unfinished....)

I also don't know if this counts, because I kind of consider Otome games to be their own genre, but on the Love 365: find your story by Voltage Inc. There are a bunch of fun stories, my favorite of which are: the Shinichi Kagari route on After School Affairs and the Saejima and Keiichiro routes on Bad Boys do it Better

..To be continued...

[ganymedesclock]

1, 3, and 5 for the ask game please?

1. Which of your fics would you keep the basic plot of but rewrite completely?

Most of my fics aren't really accessible to this because I'm either not great at finishing them, or I milked them to completion and am satisfied, so, for this, I'm gonna delve into some weird angles:

There was a fic I wrote all the way back on Fanfiction.net that's now long gone and deleted when I moved on from that website (I know now that I oughtn't have, but insecurity has left pockmarks in my artistic history) called "Aqua: Stupidity Of The Piratical Kind" that featured, well, a teen girl named Aqua getting to go on an adventure in One Piece universe. At that time, I was in contact with other people writing their own One Piece isekais, and it was a very warm part of my childhood; I still think of it fondly.

Of course, since then, just about everything I think about regarding isekai genre, One Piece, and myself, has changed, so if I ever really wanted to double down hard enough to wade all the way back into One Piece and refamiliarize myself with the series, I feel like it'd be interesting to rewrite that fic as kind of a simultaneous deconstruction and love letter to what that genre meant to me at the time.

3. How would you describe your writing style?

I tend to struggle to self-describe anytime something is particularly close to my heart for the opposite reasons you might imagine; I overthink it.

To describe what I'm trying to do with my writing, without a sense of if I'm getting there or not, I think my goal in writing is to immerse people in a sensory and emotional experience. For me, the feeling of getting into a really good book is like diving into a fast-moving river and swimming with the current. You flow through it. That's always been the space I want to put readers into, this sense that happy or sad or scary, wistful or tense or funny, they're immersed in the feeling. Vivid settings that are a fascinating place to be, characters that you feel like you're having a conversation with. This is a big part of why detail is very important to me.

5. What’s a tag you never want to use for your works even when it applies?

Take this with a grain of salt because I'm not great at knowing what to tag stuff with in the first place, but... I have some weird personal associations with "angst" and "whump" even if I can totally admit that, 100%, by most people's definition that's a lot of what I do. It's hard to look at Refuge For Resolve, for example, which is only mostly a story about postgame Hallownest and much more consistently a story about the Pale King having a breakdown and also getting smacked around a lot, and pretend those things don't apply.

I think that purely for my own weirdness, I just hesitate to say that the sadness is the point even if I'm relying on it heavily to tell a story. I've seen way too many angst fic, headcanons, etc. that feel weirdly self-congratulatory, positively marinating in a quagmire of their own emotions, practically salivating over every tear and moment of grief, that it gives me a bunch of weird vibes over the word even though this is totally unfair to the world "angst" and I'm sure many people don't use it that way.

Heck, I even balk at using hurt/comfort as a term, even though I can say the actual things mostly described under that are absolutely my cup of tea.