#This is supposed to be like a fucking Can-Can parody

[witheredgardenparty]

Has anyone talked about how each member of the Genius Society represents the over reliance on the belief of intelligence but not the act of intelligence?

[the-casbah-way]

it was SO FUCKING GOOD joey richter the man you are‼️‼️‼️‼️

[bidamonalbarn]

PLEASE infodump about drake

okok this is specific to the drake/kendrick drama but i can also do a drake one too - im assuming you know basically nothing. & i barely know this shit so correct me if im wrong. also this will be routinely updated so! check in :D

2011 - Take Care (album) by Drake features Kendrick Lamar on the track Buried Alive Interlude

2012 - Drake has Kendrick open for his Club Paradise Tour. The same year they both feature on A$AP Rocky's song Fuckin Problems (also with 2 Chainz)

2013 - Kendrick called out a few rappers (J. Cole, Pusha T, Big Sean, etc.) including Drake. Drake responds saying he had no response, basically. They do this again the same year (Kendrick says shit, Drake doesnt respond)

2016 (ish) - They continue subtle beef (Kendrick saying Drake has ghost writers, Drake saying Kendrick "sold out")

2023 - First Person Shooter by Drake and J. Cole drops (their first collab since 2013). In the song Drake mentions "the big three" in reference to himself, J. Cole, and Kendrick

2024, Mar. - Like That by Metro Boomin' and Kendrick Lamar drops. In it Kendrick responds to Drake, saying "the big three ... it's just big me", implying that Kendrick is above Drake and J. Cole. Drake attempts to ban Like That from the radio.

2024, Apr. - Push Ups by Drake is released. The song is about how Drake believes Kendrick is being extorted - the track referencing the phrase "drop and give me 50".

2024, Apr. - Taylor Made Freestyle by Drake is released, his second diss track at Kendrick. Here Drake disses Kendrick for "selling out" specifically in reference to Bad Blood by Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar. Drake also used AI vocals of Snoop Dogg and Tupac - this resulted in him almost being sued by Tupac's Estate. Drake wiped the song from his sites

2024, Apr. - Euphoria by Kendrick Lamar is released. The track is 6 minutes long, cut down from its original 19 minutes. The title is in reference to the TV series Euphoria which Drake is an executive producer of - it's also referencing the sexualisation of underage people, something done by the show and (allegedly) Drake himself. Within the track Kendrick makes fun of Drakes accent, how Drake says the n-word, how Drake dresses... and a fuck load more

2024, May. - 6:16 in LA by Kendrick Lamar releases, less than 72 hours after Euphoria dropped. This track specifically disses Drake for having ghost writers/lots of co-writers. He also implies that Drakes friends are stabbing him in the back and selling his info. This track is co-produced by Jack Antonoff, who co-writes and co-produces for Taylor Swift.

2024, May. - Family Matters by Drake is released. I want to be honest with you, i didn't listen to this until i got this ask. This track implies Kendrick beats his wife. Drake also disses other rappers such as A$AP Rocky, Future, etc.

2024, May. - Drake releases a Buried Alive Interlude Parody on his Instagram

2024, May. - Meet the Grahams by Kendrick Lamar is released. In this track (which is by far my favourite of all the tracks) Kendrick calls Drake a deadbeat dad and accuses Drake of having another secret child (apart from Adonis). Kendrick has a verse dedicated to this supposed child in which he basically parents her - teaching her all the things Drake wont. He also implies Drake struggles with alcohol and gambling

2024, May. - Not Like Us by Kendrick Lamar is released. The fourth diss track from Kendrick. In this track Kendrick alleges that there's pedophiles and trafficking within OVO (an indie record label founded by Drake). Kendrick also says that every rapper who's complimented Drake is lying and now hates him for using Tupac's vocals through AI. This track includes my favourite line "Tryna stike a chord and it's probably A-Minor"

[goldenshornyjail]

MAGIC, Baby~: Chaggie & Huskerdust

Hazbins: *all gathered around for weekly movie night*

Vaggie: (dead inside) Who's idea was it to watch "Magic Mike"?

Charlie: (peeking through her fingers) Angel.....

Husk: ...... (tilts his head to the side) How does that bastard not break his back doin' that?

Vaggie: (helps Charlie cover her eyes) Angel, what the fuck?

Angel: What? It's still better than the local parody, "Magic Dyke". That's just a bunch of-

Vaggie: Don't finish that sentence. We don't need to be canceled.

Angel: (rolls his eyes) Fiiiiiine.....

Hazbins: (watch a dancer back into a woman aying on her back, hook his legs on hers, and flip her over so she's belly down and he grinds on her ass)

Niffty: OooOoOOoooOOOOoOoooOoh~

Vaggie: Niffty, no. Besides, that can't be an actual move.

Angel: Oh, I guarantee it is! (Smirks with a glint in his gold tooth) Wanna make a bet?

Vaggie: No.

Angel: Aw, come on, Ol' Featherduster. If you win, I won't make a single horny comment for a week. I win, you gotta buy me that new Sex Delux Blaster 5000.

Vaggie: ...........What is it?

Angel: See who can bust that move better! You or me. You're a dancer. You should be able to manage. You can use Charlie, and I got Husk.

Charlie & Husk: Excuse me. What, now?

Vaggie: Hmmmm.... (glances at a blushing Charlie and smirks) Psh! Too easy. You're on.

Angel: (claps his hands together and rubs the palms) Ooohohooooo! This is gonna be good!

*Cut to Vaggie and Angel sitting on all fours on the floor with Charlie and Husk laying on their backs behind them. Husk is draining a bottle of whiskey while Charlie blushes to the point of being faint and covers her face in her hands.*

Charlie: I-I'm supposed to be setting a good example here!!!!

Angel: You're bonding with your clients, Toots! (To Vaggie) Ready, bitch.

Vaggie: Get ready to plaster duct tape to your mouth for a week.

Angel: Ha! Yeah. Right. Cherri, you and Niffty are the judges with Al as the tie breaker! Ready?

Cherri: You bet! (Pulls up camera) Aaaaaand..... GO!!!

*Angel and Vaggie slide back seamlessly, hook their legs under their prospective partner's knee, and whirl them over onto their bellies. Angel grinds against Husk's ass and pulls on his wings. Vaggie grinds against Charlie's ass, drags her nails upper girlfriend’s clothed back, grabs a fistful of blonde hair from the back, and pulls back.*

Husk: (eyes widen in pain and his pupils change sizes as his spine cracks and pops like a glowstick) FUCK!!! YOU BROKE MY BACK!!!

Charlie: (hearts in her eyes as she blushes and drools, her horns and tail spring into existence as she keens into a moan) FUCK!!! PLEASE, BREAK MY BACK!!!

Alastor: ............................ (walks away in tired asexual)

[cillianhead]

Hey! I was wondering if you could write a little smutty/angsty something for Neil Lewis. Maybe bestfriend!reader, who recently got with some other man, and Neil is incredibly jealous and maybe... possessive. 👀 Some angst heated argument finished with a smut would be lovely. 🤭

Thank you!

Of course, of course!

Thank you for your request!

You're The Only One Who Makes Me Feel Alive || Neil Lewis x Reader

warnings: Smut, angst, best friends to lovers, swearing, slight (?) drug use (marijuana), jealousy, unprotected P in V, Neil is quite obsessed with reader's boobs (because c'mon, NEIL IS A BOOB MAN!!!) like sort of switch!neil but not quite, adult content!

18+ Minors DNI

It was a slow Friday night at Gumshoe Video. You had closed by now, though. You sat between Lucien and Jonathan, a bit stoned, and watched some horrible Horror-Parody film called 'Bad Taste'. You had zoned out, drowning out Jonathan and Lucien's incessant bickering about the film and whether it was good or bad.

"-It's Peter Jackson, for Christ's sake. It's a masterpiece of its time or whatever," Lucien argued. Jonathan just scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's supposed to be ridiculous!" Lucien protested.

"Are we watching the same movie?" Jonathan grunted with a hint of amusement. "How the hell did someone see this and think... 'yeah, that's the guy we're getting for Lord of the fucking Rings'!"

Lucien quipped back something particularly witty and sarcastic, but it all turned into one big blur of words to you. You were incredibly bored and stoned that none of what was happening on the TV screen made sense. You looked like a zombie, lips parted and an expression of awe on your face.

"Not this stupid movie," You heard the sound of Neil's voice from behind you. Quickly sitting up and turning to look at him, like an expectant dog when its owner comes home. "I've got the snacks if you guys even care." Lucien and Jonathan grumble their words of appreciation while you just sat and smiled at your best friend.

You all had smoked together, but you hadn't really prepared for the munchies that would come along with it. So you flipped a coin, and poor little Neil was the one who had to go to the nearest convenience store and buy as much junk food as he could carry. Two seafoam green plastic grocery bags were hanging off of Neil's sturdy forearms that said 'Recycle Me!' on them while he stood, smiling back at you.

"What'd you get Neily-poo?" You hummed, standing up and approaching him.

"I hate it when you call me that," Neil grumbled before handing you one of the bags. "I just got all the classic snacks... Cheetos, Twizzlers, Lucien's favorite white chocolate... and of course, I got your favorite..."

You squealed out of delight, lunging on Neil and wrapping your arms around him. "Did you really?" You said, pulling away with your arms still around his neck. Neil hummed while pulling the familiar mouth-watering box of Swedish Fish out of the grocery bag.

You properly pulled away now and snatched it out of his hand greedily. "Hey...! Wait... where's my thanks?" He tilted his head, tapping his pointer finger on the apple of his cheek. You rolled your eyes playfully before placing a grateful peck on his cheek.

You two sat on the spare couch together. You leaned against Neil, as you always do, your head on his chest and his arm wrapped around you. It had always been that way with you two, both very physically affectionate with each other. Though not when Neil was in a relationship, you knew how threatened his girlfriends felt by you, though you never understood why... Neil was always insistent on how you were just a friend, even going as far as to say you were like a sister to him.

When the movie ended and Neil had a bit more to smoke, you all sat around munching on your snacks, thinking of what to do next.

"Do you guys wanna come over to my place, and we can do this again tomorrow night?" Neil asked, scratching at his chin.

"Sure, I'd love that, dude," Jonathan nodded before popping a handful of peanut M&M's into his mouth. "Sounds great." He said with his mouth full.

"Gross!" You scolded, throwing a piece of popcorn at him. "Don't eat with your mouth full..."

"What did you just say?" Lucien laughed.

"I mean... don't talk with your mouth full!" You corrected, and everyone sat around giggling at that. "You knew what I meant!" Your cheeks heated up with embarrassment at your mistake.

"...and yeah, I'll come over tomorrow night." Lucien said to Neil. Neil gave him a thumbs up before turning his head over to you.

"How about you, Y/N?" Neil hummed, sighing as he leaned his head against the couch, cheek smushing a bit as he smiled softly down at you. He's so pretty, I just wanna kiss him, You thought."You wanna come over?" Yikes, you thought. You bit your lip and sucked in a breath. "Well... I... well... actually, I've got plans tomorrow, guys... I'm sorry." You shrugged apologetically.

"What?" Jonathan murmured, mouth still full, chewing obnoxiously loud.

"Since when do you have plans?" Lucien remarked. You gave him a dry smile.

"I'm going on a date... believe it or not," You snorted, looking down at your lap, embarrassed to admit. You never really talked about your love life with the guys, especially not Neil. Things always got awkward. Neil never discussed his with you either; you'd only briefly meet his girlfriends, and then that was it. You didn't understand why it had to be so awkward between you when discussing dating.

The room went silent at that. You looked towards Neil, his arm retracted away from you and tucked back into his side as you noticed the frown on his face. You could see the look on Jonathan and Lucien's faces, eyes flickering between the two of you, trying to gauge some sort of reaction.

"Oh..." Neil mumbled, sounding disappointed, popping a popcorn kernel into his mouth and chewing dryly. "Good for you... congratulations..."

"We're not getting married," You laughed uncomfortably. "Plus, I doubt it's gonna be anything that special... we're going to some downtown dive bar to have drinks and then probably go back to his place or something..." Neil had a visible expression of distaste, fiddling with his thumbs. You didn't get why he was so upset. "What's his name?" He said, voice barely above a whisper.

"Russell."

"Russell." He repeated coldly. Jonathan and Lucien were utterly silent. The tension was thick, and trying to waft through it felt suffocating.

"Why are you upset?" You blurted out. "Can't you at least be happy for me for once that I'm finally fucking going out with somebody?"

""Course I'm happy for you, Y/N, I just don't want you... to get hurt..." Neil muttered. "That's all."

"Right." You scoffed, scooting to the other side of the couch.

The tension was unbearable, and Jonathan shifted uncomfortably on the couch. Things always got weird when you brought up a guy you like or a guy you were seeing. You never got why. Why would Neil be upset that you were seeing somebody? How many girlfriends did you have to sit and watch him be with? How many painful breakups have you comforted him through? How many times had you encouraged him to go over and talk to a girl he thought was pretty? A countless amount of times, that's what. So the fact that the mood visibly shifted as soon as you said you were going on a date... it pissed you off. Neil was never encouraging when it came to putting yourself out there romantically. It was almost like he was jealous, but you knew he had no reason to be.

"How'd you meet?" Lucien cleared his throat, trying to lighten the air.

"Well when I was here alone the other day... he was in the shop-"

"He was in the shop?" Neil interrupted with a whine, eyebrows knitted together.

"Yeah, he was, so what?" You turned and looked at Neil, glaring at him.

"Can't believe you're going out with a customer," Neil muttered. "Thought you were better than that." "What the fuck's that supposed to mean?"

"It... no... nothing, just-" "God forbid I meet someone!" You were standing up now. Lucien and Jonathan had gotten up and wandered over to the other side of the shop, pretending they were browsing the shelves. "How many fucking bimbos have you asked out that had come in here, Neil?" "Y/N-" "I'm leaving." You barked, grabbing your things and rushing out, not before giving Lucien and Jonathan a gentle wave before slamming the door and walking home in the pouring rain.

The walk home was long and treacherous. Usually, Neil would drive you home. But you couldn't stand to be around him right now, not after his hypocritical words. When you got home, you collapsed in bed, still in your wet clothes, and cried your eyes out. Thunder cracked outside, and your windows rattled with the harsh wind. Your phone began to ring, the familiar ringtone you assigned to Neil's contact buzzing through your pocket. You just groaned.

"Go away, Neil." You grunted into your pillow, bickering to no one. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Curling up into a ball, the tears continued to fall. You hated the way you felt towards Neil; you hated that you wanted him to be more than just a friend. Your phone kept ringing, and it only made you cry harder.

You remembered freshman year of high school when you first met Neil; you instantly clicked and were in every class together. Everyone always thought you were dating, and you'd both share a round of 'Ew's and 'That's never gonna happen' and then silently look at each other thinking 'What if' (unbeknownst to each other). You always daydreamed about losing your virginity to Neil, the scrawny, awkward pimply boy who was the sweetest guy you'd ever met, though you ended up losing it to some guy called Lloyd over a dare. It wasn't very romantic, nor was it pleasurable. You just laid there and thought about Neil the whole time.

The sleep you got that night was terrible, but you tried to focus on the positives. You were going on a date! Yay! Not with Neil, though. You spent the day mostly picking out an outfit, mentally scolding yourself for not deciding on it sooner since most of your good clothes were dirty and you were feeling incredibly antsy. Your phone had been blowing up all day. Texts from Neil, Jonathan, and Lucien lit up your screen every other second. You didn't reply, you couldn't, you felt entirely too embarrassed.

Meanwhile, Lucien lounged on the couch at Neil's house, and Jonathan watched Neil pace back and forth in his kitchen while making handmade whipped cream. They were going to make a cake.

"I just don't know what to do, man," Neil huffed, stirring the bowl even more aggressively. Jonathan watched, unsure of how to comfort his friend. "What the fuck do I do? What if this guy is like... her soulmate or something cliche like that?"

"Okay," Jonathan laughed, putting his hand in the air. "Russell is not her soulmate." "How do you know? Have you met him?" Neil hissed back.

"No, but... how do we even know this 'Russell' guy even exists? What if she's just trying to make you jealous?"

"That's a good point!" Lucien quipped in from the other room.

"Thanks, Lucien," Jonathan rolls his eyes before looking back at Neil, who has set the bowl aside, melting to the floor with tears. "Look... dude, I think you should go over there and tell her how you feel... the worst she can say is no..."

"The worst she can say is no," Neil mocked, tears streaming down his face. "Yeah fuckin' right! She's gonna..." Neil sobbed, hiding his hands in his face. "I'll go over there, and she'll... never want to speak to me again... she wouldn't feel the same way... it's impossible!"

Jonathan looked exasperated. It was painfully apparent to everyone but you and Neil that you two were soft for each other. You usually spend every day together. The idea of losing you to some other guy was heartbreaking for Neil. Neil cried like a baby, and Jonathan watched, awkwardly leaning against the counter, unsure what to say.

"Just fucking do it, you fucking idiot!" Jonathan blurted out. "I know she likes you... do you really think Y/N would've stuck around this long with us losers if she didn't feel something for you?"

"I don't know, Jonathan..." Neil whimpers, looking up at Jonathan with the most pitiful eyes anyone has ever seen. He looked straight out of a painting.

"And even if she doesn't feel the same for you..." Jonathan continues, crouching down to be at his height on the floor. "You guys have known each other way too damn long to just throw away a good friendship over you liking her. Y/N's a smart girl. She'll learn to accept it if she doesn't feel the same way."

Neil just buried his face further into his knees, continuing to cry. "Gee, you'd think he just got his period or something." Lucien said unhelpfully.

"Shut up, Lucien!" Neil and Jonathan yelled in unison.

"Listen, I think you should just tell her... she ain't responding to any of my texts... and I don't know how it's gonna go with this Russell guy tonight, so I reckon you should head on over there..." Jonathan rambled. Neil still stayed in the same place, with his head in his hands. "Like right now!" Jonathan yelped, and Neil jumped at the sudden shift in volume and tone.

Neil approached your house as you sat in some dive bar, waiting for your date. His key twisted your locked door. Unbeknownst to him, the house was completely empty. And as he walked in, Russell was yet to arrive, over twenty minutes late to your date. At this point, you'd accepted that you had been stood up and patted yourself down, ensuring you had everything you brought.

"Y/N!" Russell's voice greets you, clearly out of breath. "I'm so sorry for being late... traffic was awful." Yeah, right, you thought. But you gave him a small smile and sat back in your booth. "That's alright," You pressed down your skirt that rested uncomfortably high on your thighs, trying to calm your nerves. The leather of the seats stuck to your thighs as Russell began making small talk. How boring. You found yourself zoning out as you downed the drink Russell had bought you just to try and cope with the terribly grim situation you were dealing with. Russell was some sort of accountant. Just the idea of finance lulled your brain into a state of boredom and borderline sleepiness. Russell's voice was monotone, and the way he licked his cracked lips every time he spoke made you feel queasy.

Meanwhile, Neil sat on your couch, spread out and feeling hopeless. No other person could ever compare to you, never ever, ever, ever. The thought of you meeting this guy he didn't know anything about except for his god-awful name and possibly hitting it off... maybe starting a life with him... the jealousy was sickening. Genuinely sickening.

It was festering within him, after all these years of watching men come into the store and flirt with you, the jealousy... the possessiveness... that another man talking to his Y/N... brought on was just too much for poor little Neil to handle. The jealousy was now fuelling the reason he still stayed. As soon as you walked through that door, with Russell or not, he'd get on his hands and knees... and beg you to love him... beg you to love him the way he loves you.

An hour went by... and then another, by now, it was nearing 10:30 PM, and Neil wasn't even sure if you were coming home. He then remembered your words of 'going back to his place afterwards' and felt like the biggest idiot in the whole world. He felt like he had lost you... like he was mourning you. His heart broke silently, and the heavyweight in his chest grew to be too intense, too blue to even cry. So he stood up and sighed, looking around your apartment before saying his goodbyes. I won't be over much now that she has a boyfriend, Neil thought. But as he turned around, about to walk out the door, there you stood with your key still in the lock looking at him like you'd look at an angel.

"Neil?" You asked softly as if it could possibly be anyone else.

"Y/N," He gasped, rushing to you, hands reaching out to you. "Please listen to what-" "Who's this?" Russell asks with a scoff, leaning on the doorway. Neil backed away like he had just entered a cock-fight he knew he couldn't win.

"Russell..." You shifted to look at him. "I think it's better if you just go... we can... we can see each other another time." "Yeah, alright," Russell shrugged, playing it cool but Neil saw the flicker of annoyance flash through the man's eyes. Russell turned back around and left, leaving the two of you alone.

"What are you doing here, Neil?" You chided, closing the door and deadbolting it behind you before walking over to the couch with Neil.

"I... I need to talk to you..." Neil whispered. You sat right beside each other, staring into each other's eyes. A feeling grew in your chest like you knew what he was about to say. "Y/N..."

"Neil..."

"I..." He faltered, his eyes looking down at his lap as he reached out, holding both your hands in his. Your heart did a spin at this, lips parted as you breathed heavily. What is happening? "I.... fuck... I don't know how to do this," Neil pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, clearly about to cry. "I've watched so many goddamn movies you'd think I... you'd think I'd have the right thing to say."

"Neil," You whispered, your voice coming out like a warning. "Just say it."

Neil looked up at you, speechless. The expression on his face was truly indescribable. Almost like a dramatic build-up, the room was silent, giving each other this look. This look you had never openly given to each other before.

"I don't want to kill my time with anybody else," Neil began, taking deep breaths. The sounds of cars passing by and trees swaying in the wind could be heard, along with the pounding of your heart. "You're the only one who makes me feel alive."

"Neil," You warned, looking away from him. "Why now?" You blurted out, quickly smacking your hand over your loose mouth.

"Wha...?" Neil asked, torn completely out of the moment by just those two words.

"Why are you telling me this now?" You questioned. Your hands ran down your face. "Why, Neil, Why?"

"What do you mean?" Neil shook his head, eyebrows knitted together. "What do you mean?!"

You were standing up now, you couldn't be close to him, you felt too dizzy. "After all these years... why are you only telling me this now?"

"I-I... I..." Neil stammered, utterly speechless this time. He wasn't expecting this reaction, he couldn't quite place what you were feeling. "I was afraid, Y/N."

"Of what?" You raised your voice and he flinched and suddenly the guilt hit you like a freight train. Tears fell down your face, ruining your makeup.

"Of losing you! Losing the only person in my life who actually matters!" Neil stood up as well, approaching you. Like a game of cat and mouse, you stepped away while he kept trying to round the coffee table to get to you. "I need you, Y/N. I need you to know how badly," He pleaded with you, but you couldn't find a way to let him further into your heart. He'd hit bone if he went any further into it.

"Neil, I don't know anymore! You're so confusing!" You screeched as he bumped into you, knocking you down onto the couch and he knelt in front of you, pleading eyes staring up at you. "I don't know what you want from me!" You cried.

"I want everything," He whispered, hands placed on both of your thighs. "I want to be yours... I want you to be mine. How do I make this any clearer?"

"I don't... I don't have you," You felt like you were being torn apart. "You don't want me. You just... you're just confused! You don't want me! You want..." You closed your eyes, thinking about the women Neil had dated. You felt like he wouldn't be satisfied with you... you felt like you weren't pretty enough or you were too boring or too familiar. "I don't have you... Neil... and I never will."

"You've always had me. Every second of every day... you've had me. I'm yours." Neil whispered, hands squeezing your thighs. "Please. I need to know."

"Need to know what?" "That you'll take me," His fingers travelled further up your goosebump-covered skin. "That you'll let me in, Y/N."

"How?" Your hands shook as you looked him in the eye again. This time... it felt like you were looking at a completely different man. It was no longer just your best friend you were looking at... but the man pleading with you to love him as if you hadn't been silently loving him from afar... all these years.

"Please let me show you."

Neil used his hands to balanced himself as he slowly and intimately leaned in, lips brushing yours every-so slightly. "Neil..." You whispered.

"Shh...." He hushed.

And your lips joined together. It felt like your body had let him in, like he was rewriting your DNA and letting every part of him consume you. He sat beside you now, cradling you in his arms as you kissed slowly. This was all so new to you, unlike any other kiss you had ever experienced. Every other kiss before this just felt like you were trying to negotiate something... but this... this kiss felt like your body had found its missing limb like it had found what it had been lacking all these years.

A string of spit connects the two of you as Neil softly pulls away, panting for breath. "Am I in yet?" He chuckled.

You tilted your head, squinting and stroking your chin, pretending you were struggling to decide. "Maybe... I don't know yet... think you'll have to try harder..." Your voice was still a bit shaky from crying. "Alright," He snorts before diving back in and kissing you rougher this time but still in that romantic, slow way. One hand placed on your hip and the other guiding the back of your head as you made out. Tongues pawing at each other like they were getting acquainted.

"Please touch me," Neil whimpered into your lips, and oh fuck, that was the most divine noise you had ever heard. "Please." "Only 'cause you asked so nicely..." You hummed, pushing him down and straddling him. You watched as he threw his head back, biting his lip and holding back the noises he so desperately wanted to make at the feeling of you sitting on him. Your fingers fiddled with the buttons on his shirt, watching him writhe underneath you at only the slightest touch. You popped each button out individually and slowly until Neil was groaning with annoyance.

"Don't be such a tease, Y/N," Neil grunted from behind gritted teeth once you had his shirt off. "If you felt how hard my dick was right now-"

"Oh, I do!" You giggled cheekily, slowly rolling your pelvis in a slow circle right over the tent in his trousers that poked into your thigh.

"You fucker-" He groaned, reaching his arms up and grabbing your head roughly and pulling you into a soul-sucking kiss, tongue grappling at yours desperately.

You moaned through dancing lips as you had the most delicious friction going. Neil was being just as loud as you, whimpers vibrating through your sternum and into your soul. Neil bucks his hips up pathetically before he breaks the kiss abruptly.

"You've gotta stop or I'm... I'm gonna..." He buried his muzzle in your neck and moaned. "I'm gonna fuckin cum in my pants." "Oh yeah?" You grinned, grinding your hips even faster.

"That means stop!" He grabs ahold of your wrists and flips you around like you were in a wrestling competition. You gasped out as he had you down against your couch, panting heavily above you with that frustrated-and-horny look. "I knew you'd be a little brat." He spat menacingly before grinning like a puppy, leaning down and kissing you heavily.

You ran your hands up your shirt, trying to pull your shirt off which made Neil pull away slowly when he realized you were taking your top off. "Are you sure?" He said breathily, above you, mouth wide open and his eyes glued on every inch of skin that was slowly being revealed more and more. You just nodded your head and smiled. "Oh fuck, you're showing me your boobs." Neil's eyes lit up like a kid in a candy shop. "Neil," You giggled as you got the top off and out came your tits, and there was Neil sitting there in disbelief at the sight of your boobs. "Neil!" You laughed, hitting him with a cushion; he smacked it away before looking back down at them with this look that almost resembled a look of horror. "Stop looking at me like that!"

"Fucking hell, this is the best thing to ever happen to me," Neil chirped. "Fuck... please, Y/N... please let me squeeze them."

"Go ahead, Neil, touch me," You hummed, raising your arms above your head and leaning back with a Cheshire cat grin as his hands slowly and cautiously cusp your boobs. He let out a soft moan and let his eyes flutter shut as he slid his hands over your breasts, you could hear his breath hitch as his thumb slid over your hard nipples. "You're acting like you haven't touched a boob before," You snickered.

"Oh, believe me, I have..." Neil nodded, eyes open now and staring at your tits like he was high. "Just none as good as these..." He leaned in, hot breath fanning your left breast, lips parted but he doesn't go any further than that.

"Put it in your mouth, pretty boy," You demanded, and like the sub you always thought he was, he obeyed with a smile. "Fuck... that's it." The tops of his cheeks were flushed a gentle pink as he sucked and swirled his tongue around your nipple. "Mmm...." He hummed, eyes closed. His full body weight was resting on you while he sucked on your tits, switching between them. You laid there for quite a while and wondered how long he could do this. You braided your fingers through his hair before tugging it back roughly, and he unwillingly popped off your tit with a loud and whoreish whine.

"Hey!" He complained with eyebrows knitted together as his eyes looked between your eyes and spit-covered tits. He's so spoiled.

"I always knew you'd be a little brat." You said, repeating what he said to you earlier.

Neil drools on you helplessly, groaning as you pull on his hair more until you two are sitting up facing each other. You grin once more and lean in, giving him a sweet little kiss. His hands cupping your tits desperately.

"Carry me to the bedroom." You hummed dramatically, raising your arms in the air, and Neil shook his head and chuckled as he leaned down and wrapped you up in his arms.

"I'm so glad you're my best friend," Neil murmured into your warm shoulder as he padded you guys down to the bedroom he had been in countless times.

"Not just best friends, though," You remarked as he laid you down on the bed with your legs over his shoulders. He reached towards your bedside table.

"Condoms?" He hummed, searching through your drawers, but found nothing.

"Birth control... you should know this you idiot!" You giggled at Neil realizing what you just said.

"Can I...?"

"Yes!"

"Like... inside?" He asked, squinting his eyes.

"Yes!" You nodded your head, laughing wildly.

"Fuck you're gonna be the best girlfriend ever!" Neil grunted happily before leaning in and kissing you like you were his last meal.

Meanwhile, he slid your skirt down and unzipped his trousers. You caught a glimpse of his thick cock straining against his briefs and found yourself growing wetter.

"Let me make you mine, Y/N..." He whispered. "Let me finally make you mine."

"I've been yours," You caressed his face. You were both out of your underwear now. The tip of his prick nudging your clit as you looked up at him with so much love. "Please... Neil... please... I need you so bad."

Neil nodded silently, closing his eyes as he lined up his aching cock with your dripping cunt. The initial push in made your mind go blank and your spine arch even further into his touch, Neil moaned as he pushed himself into you fully.

"I can't believe this is happening..." Neil whispered. "This is so much better than I ever imagined it to be."

"You thought about me?" You grinned idiotically, high on the way he was stretching you out.

"Fuck," He groaned, hair falling over his pretty face. "Every fuckin' night."

"Me too."

His hands were placed firmly on your hips, and as he receded back until it was just the head of his cock in you, his fingers slid up to grope at your tits that his eyes had been practically glued on all night. Neil fucked you nice and slow, relishing in the way your pussy felt around him. Your hands were gripping the sheets, legs still thrown over his shoulders and mouth spewing incoherent words of pleasure.

"Neil... baby... oh my god," Your eyes so desperately wanted to shut but you wanted to enjoy how pretty he looked above you. "I love you."

Those words hung heavy in the air for a moment, Neil's hips never faltering as he leaned down and kissed you. "I love you, Y/N." Neil whispered against your hot mouth.

That was all you needed to hear. His cock slid in and out of you, both groaning and moaning as your bodies finally became one. Neil's mouth hung agape against yours, breathing in each other's air. Neil's face was flushed a bright red, pupils blown wide, and his hair messy from how you ran your fingers through it. Your noses brushed together as his pelvis rutted against your clit, dick still so deep inside you.

"I love you so much," Neil panted, thrusting into you desperately. "I always have..."

"Love you..." You whimpered, eyes fluttering shut and your arms slithering around his neck as the pleasure consumed you from the inside out. "So much... Neil..."

Neil pressed a kiss to your cheek, nuzzling your face as he ground into you. "Fuck, please let me cum inside you."

"I'm so close, Neil..." You whispered. "Just hold on a little longer."

Neil grunted. A pyramid of pleasure building within you, ready to crash down and crumble inside of you. Your orgasm grew like a million tiny vines curling around each individual nerve until you saw colors you had never seen before.

"Squeezing me so tight," Neil whined. "I need to cum... please..."

"Cum," You commanded and he did.

Coming undone together felt like it was truly sealing your fate. You had never felt so close to him; you knew you could and would spend the rest of your life with him. He mewled into the crook of your neck, cum spilling into you as you convulsed, orgasm swallowing you whole and ridding you of all your senses. All you felt was him and the impending pleasure devouring you. Neil's whimpers only further pushed you over the edge.

"Y/N," He moaned like a whore. "Fuck... Y/N..." He whined right into your ear as his cock continued to fill you with his warm cum.

Your brain couldn't conceive a proper thought. You couldn't will yourself to speak as he collapsed on top of you. You smile as you lay there together, skin on skin, hearts pounding in sync. Neil pulled out of you with a quiet hiss, picking you up and curling up with you under the sheets.

You looked at each other silently, both still calming down. Your thumb drew infinity signs onto his cheekbone, slowly blinking at the boy you had always wanted- no, needed.

"That was the best thing to ever happen to me," Neil whispered, sleepy eyes looking at you full of adoration. "You're the best thing to ever happen to me." Neil pecked you softly on the lips. "I can't believe it took me this long to tell you... I... I'm sorry." "Shh..." You hushed. "It's okay... we're together now... that's all that matters."

You lay in silence once more, hearts still pounding in your chests. You took in every detail of him, which you had memorized countless times before, but this time it was different. It felt much more intimate. Every crease, every freckle... every tiny minuscule detail of him was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen.

"Does this mean we're boyfriend-girlfriend now?" Neil chuckled, rolling over onto his back, pulling you into his side.

"Shut up, Neil," You giggled. "You're such a dork."

"You love it." He quipped.

"I do," You agreed. "I love you."

"I love you," Neil smiled sweetly, and as he leaned in to kiss you again, you were quickly interrupted by the sound of Neil's phone ringing. "Fuck me," He grunted, reaching down to grab at his jeans where his phone was. "Hello?" He said with a sour face. "Hi, Jonathan, everything is okay... yes, she's here with me..." Neil looked down at you with a smirk. "Yes, Lucien can borrow my goggles... I don't care... can we talk about this later?" Neil hung up and tossed his phone aside before looking back at you with a sheepish smile.

"What was that about?"

"Well... erm... Jonathan just asked if everything went well... between us..." Neil blushed.

"He knows you're here?"

"He's the reason I came over... he gave me the courage to... y'know... tell you how I feel."

You rolled your eyes and laughed before kissing him deeply. You felt like everything was okay. Now that you had Neil in your arms, you could handle anything that life threw at you. Neil was already planning your wedding in his head as you shared the love between you in a kiss. You wouldn't want it to be anyone else

-

I NEED NEIL LEWIS.... LIKE RIGHT NOW!!! Ugh, I love him so much. Anyway, hope you enjoyed <3

[thewertsearch]

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY. […] CCG: THE BARD OF RAGE IS ON THE LOOSE.

Bard of Rage, eh?

I don't see how it matches his Land, but it's becoming abundantly clear that it does match him. It probably means that the murderous frenzy he's about to unleash is aspect-enhanced, just like Eridan's Hope Wand.

This, I'm fairly sure, is the first time we've ever heard of Rage. We have no idea how Gamzee weaponizes his Title - nor what boons it might grant him, now that he's fully embraced its Aspect. His powers are a complete unknown, and a Rage attack could take many forms.

CCG: HE'S COMPLETELY SNAPPED, AND FOR THOSE OF YOU FURTHER AHEAD ON THE TIMELINE, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU HOW DANGEROUS HE IS. CCG: REMEMBER WHAT HE DID TO THE BLACK KING.

We didn't know there was something off about Gamzee, but the trolls did.

His power was only hidden from us, as we laughed at the funny dancing clown, completely unaware of what was under the surface. Who would suspect the juggalo parody of being dangerous?

CCG: NOBODY COULD EXPLAIN IT, AND THEN HE JUST WENT BACK TO SPACING OUT FOR THE REST OF THE BATTLE. CCG: I MEAN SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT. CCG: I DON'T EVEN THINK THE KING COULD FUCKING BELIEVE IT, FRANKLY. CCG: DID ANYONE'S ATTACK DO AS MUCH DAMAGE? I DON'T THINK SO.

His power is definitely applicable in combat, then. This is just a guess, but maybe he can store and release his repressed emotional energy?

Perhaps there was a moment where all of Gamzee’s latent Rage was released at once - and for one awful second, it was aimed directly at the King.

CCG: I DON'T EVEN THINK VRISKA'S DID, ALTHOUGH IT'S HARD TO SAY SINCE THAT WAS THE KNOCKOUT BLOW.

Typical. That girl's a born kill-stealer.

CCG: I GUESS WE THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE A SECRET JOKE POWER OR SOMETHING?

Well, there’s no reason it couldn't be. The problem is, joke abilities are often extremely effective when used strategically. Do you really want to face someone who’s using their meme powers competently?

PTC: nOw wHaT ThE MoThEr fUcK WiLl i bE SuPpOsEd tO Do? PTC: i'M nOt FoLlOwInG. CCG: PAST GAMZEE, GOD DAMN IT. CCG: I AM TRYING TO WARN PEOPLE OF YOUR MURDEROUS FUTURE SELF. CCG: THIS PRACTICALLY DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU. CCG: NOW GO BACK TO GROPING YOUR HORNS AND BEING DISTRACTED BY COLORS YOU USELESS FUCK.

Karkat, god damn it, you have to respect him now! His future self will remember this when he’s sober, and he’ll be coming for you!

[olderthannetfic]

Until I read the comments on that one post I had no idea the Bechdel Test was a joke and wasn't supposed to be a serious measuring stick by which you gauged if something was feminist or not. Everywhere I'd ever heard it brought up, it was brought up as a very serious thing, and it was a failure of media if it didn't pass it. I remember the debate about Mako Mori from Pacific Rim and if she was a character you were "allowed" to like as a progressive person despite the fact that Pacific Rim doesn't pass the Bechdel Test, the discourse, the discussion of if the director was sexist for not writing in another woman for her to chat with about non-men related stuff, the camp of people trying to insist that having a fully realized character arc and being as developed as any of the male leads = good writing even if she doesn't talk to another girl...

And I've also had the remark about my writing not passing the test, just not to my face. I searched my fanfic's name once, curious to see if anyone was discussing it outside of tumblr and AO3, and found a Tiktok complaining about it not passing the Bechdel Test. The top comment was "motherfucker YOU don't pass the test but we still watch your ass". I cackled and moved on, but neither the commenter, poster, nor I had any awareness this wasn't Feminist Media Critique 101 theory and was, in fact, a goof.

Right now there's a segment of fandom debating if Blue Eye Samurai is feminist since when Mizu and Akemi talk, they do bring up men, since, y'know. Women aren't considered people with rights in their era in Japan and thus it's something they mention instead of only talking about being cool girlboss badasses who never bring up gender. If something doesn't pass the Bechdel Test, a smug segment of the internet high-fives itself and congratulates one another on being More Feminist Than Thou.

They then get really angry if you disagree, even though by this metric, Sleeping Beauty (the original animated one, where Aurora has only 16 lines of dialogue) is more feminist than Blue Eye Samurai.

--

*DYING*

Okay, so, nonnie....

Dykes to Watch Out For (1983-2008) was a long-running comic and major piece of lesbian media. I grew up buying compiled volumes at the bookstore. To be honest, that kind of 90s-ish lesbian culture isn't really my scene despite me being bi, but it was very nice to have this slice of life-y somewhat realistic, occasionally somewhat parody, look at the queer communities around me. It's up there with Tales of the City for me in terms of being a window into a particular culture and time and place.

If anybody is interested in queer history, in addition to looking up factual info, I think a read of the complete Dykes would give a really good overview of how people were thinking about things and what issues came up a lot. You'll see things like Barnes & Noble increasingly putting feminist bookstores out of business in the 90s, attitudes towards porn in lesbian circles—all kinds of cultural issues of the day.

I drifted away as I got later in my teens and found more genre fiction I cared about, but at one point, this comic was a very welcome antidote to the glurgey coming out stories that made up a lot of the more realistic media.

Anyway, here's the comic itself, reproduced in its entirety because I think it's important to actually understand the context.

This is from 1985, so the era of Rambo, Conan, and Death Wish, each of which you can see being made fun of here. It's based on Bechdel's friend Liz Wallace's actual rule for seeing movies.

That's it. That's the origin of this whole stupid test.

"LOL, fuck 80s action movies". That's it. That's the joke.

The fact that blockbusters still routinely fail to pass in the 2020s is shameful, but that was never the point of the strip.

[tanadrin]

Imagine one day a new social trend starts spreading. It’s something unbelievably dumb. Not harmful per de, but truly silly to believe. Let’s say, I dunno, healing crystals start going mainstream. Everybody’s talking about their crystals. It becomes impolite to criticize people who believe in healing crystals. They become a big part of people’s personalities, and people on TV start talking about them, and one day years down the line politicians are debating funding for crystal-based medicine. And through it all you are sitting there going, what the fuck is happening. I thought we were all on the same page on this. You want to get along and be friendly and open minded but you cannot pretend to believe in healing crystals, this is nonsense, and when the topic comes up you refuse to lie about it. This eventually starts to have social consequences—they’re that popular!—but what can you do? You cannot pretend a lump of quartz can cure the flu or whatever. It’s just all so unbearably embarrassing.

I think what the centrist/liberal/center-left reactionary turn driven by culture war stuff feels like. And I think the key emotion is probably cringe. Not hate, not fear, though those emotions may reinforce the turn. I think in a lot of cases people who imagine themselves pretty open minded and flexible have as part of their worldview something they thought was bedrock social consensus—on the level of “healing crystals are silly woo”—so bedrock maybe that it didn’t even need to be a conceptual boundary they actually policed in their minds.

For instance, when she started her anti-trans turn, JK Rowling made a big show of not being really anti trans, just arguing that Some People Had Gone Too Far. She wasn’t a frothing religious reactionary, after all. And I believe that’s probably true! I think Rowling probably did have a mental model of sex and gender with a little bit of give in it—of the “we can humor the odd weirdo” type. But as the discussion of trans rights in the UK got more serious over her lifetime, trans people went from “the odd weirdo” to “a recognized minority,” and eventually this ran against a bedrock belief that on some level men are men and women are women and never the twain shall meet. To act otherwise was just too embarrassing. And she wasn’t going to embarrass herself in the name of political correctness.

Other people whose brains have been eaten by the anti-woke mind virus (as @eightyonekilograms calls it) have something going of the contrarian in them, who enjoys yelling “up yours, woke moralists!” or w/e. Im thinking of ppl like Glenn Greenwald here, or Dave Chapelle, people who seem not to feel alive except when people are mad at them. That’s a separate but interesting dynamic. And there are people like Graham Linehan who become totally unhinged through this process of auto-radicalization, moths drawn ever closer to a particular source of validation within their chosen reactionary subcommunity, until they are truly parodies of themselves. That is also an important dynamic, but it’s one that only takes hold after the initial turn has begun.

I think the role of that feeling of cringe, that refusal to entertain an idea because it is too embarrassing (even if it does actually have a decent body of research behind it, unlike crystals) is important to think about, because I am interested in how to get people over it. I know that feeling has affected my own thinking over my lifetime. I wasn’t raised particularly conservative, but I had to learn not to cringe at a lot of feminist thought before I could appreciate it and learn from it. I explicitly didn’t have that cringe when it came to gay people for whatever reason, so it never entered my mind that it might be a problem. I remember being surprised to learn when I was very young that some boys wanted to marry other boys, but my response was “huh. Go figure.” Because for whatever reason I had not picked up that this was something I was supposed to be grossed out by. A general doctrine of empathy, of trying to understand people on their own terms, can help forestall some of this stuff, but it’s not foolproof in either direction—I don’t want to believe crystals have healing powers if it becomes socially popular to do so, just because it is socially popular to do so! And if they do, I don’t want to not believe they do just because it is socially unpopular!

(Obviously the crystals thing is not a one to one metaphor for the trans thing, so don’t read too much into that. Maybe astrology would have been a better analogy. Also I’m not talking just about people whose reactionary turn is predicated on trans issues—I think this dynamic applies to everything from gay rights to the Tridentine Mass. But trans issues are a handy example bc, as the adage goes, somebody posts once about trans people and they never post anything normal again. I think the classic rapid-onset trans derangement syndrome is closely tied to the fact that gender norms are a really deep element of many people’s social-consensus-based worldview, and so challenged to that worldview are felt as really cringe.)

I’m curious if other people who grew more liberal in their thinking over time had a similar experience of having to overcome what was basically a feeling of embarrassment at certain ideas.

[cinnnamongrl]

sorority secrets- ellie williams (part 3)

pairing: college!ellie williams x fem!reader

summary: part 3 to this fic. you can find part 2 here.

warnings: [18+ MDNI] explicit language, top!ellie, bottom!reader, semi-public sex (sexual acts while other people are (unaware) in the room) (i’m sorry) (no i’m not) fingering (r!receiving) dirty talk, praise, bit of degradation, those are your warnings, if u don’t like, click away 🤺

author’s note: part 3 (of 5) ;0 enjoy ;)

three loud raps at ellie’s door. she pulled away and stared at you, mind working. “don’t you wanna get that?” you questioned. “nuh uh, wanna keep kissing you” her mouth was back on yours, quickly falling back into that eager pace. 2 more bangs, even louder “ELLIE!”.

“motherfucker” ellie got up and walked to her door, meanwhile you straightened out your top and tried to position yourself to sit casually on her bed. the door opened and brittney strode in, hand on hip. “you’re not answering your phone.” she stated. “yeah i’m” ellie’s eyes darted towards you, “busy.” brittney looked at you. then looked at ellie. then rolled her eyes. “whatever. theres a mandatory eta event in 15 minutes. fuckin’ emilia was supposed to tell everyone.” “event?” you questioned. “it’s for charity. a car wash…” she seemed hesitant. a car wash doesn’t sound very sorority-like. “a bikini car wash.” there it is. “you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me” ellie spoke. “ugh, don’t get your boxers in a twist, ‘bikini’ isn’t literal, you can keep your fucking nike sports bra on.”

brittney and ellie stared at each other, a silent display of mutual aversion. you shifted uncomfortably on her bed. brittney suddenly moved towards the door, “ok i’m leaving. look at your phone i’ve texted you the details. be there in 15. bye loser” she flipped her hair and left. you almost wondered if she was parodying herself. ellie turned on her heel to face you and you gave her a small smile. “it might be kind of fun?” you offered. she tilted her head to the side with furrowed brows and gave you a half smile, a silent really? you giggled and stood up, “i have to go get changed, i’ll meet you there?” “‘kay” as your hand touched the door handle, ellie’s hand came out to touch your arm and she planted a kiss on your lips, leaving your face warm and a shy smile on your lips.

~~~~~~

ellie was sat in a white plastic chair, her eyes scanning the large campus parking lot for something to injure herself with to get out of this thing. she turned to one of the girls standing by her “what kind of charity is this thing for anyway?” the girl put her finger up to her mouth and pondered for a moment, “like… animals… or something. oh wait no… kids. kids with like… no money and stuff.” then she gave a little smile and turned back around, obviously satisfied with her answer. great. ellie moved to take her phone out to text you but was rendered still when she noticed you walking towards her. you were sporting a small red bikini top that perfectly hugged your boobs and illegally short shorts. ellie tried not to gape but that was made near impossible when you looked like that. she rose from the chair when you reached her, grateful to be out of ear-shot of the other girls.

“you look…” her eyes did a quick up and down of you, “like you’re trying to kill me.” you gave her a bashful smile. the sound of a car pulling in made you both turn your heads, followed by the sound of the obnoxiously loud car radio and mix of various different frat boy sounds. brittney and the others ran towards the car with buckets and sponges, arms up in excitement and ellie looked at you with a look of horror that made you burst out laughing. “c’mon, while they’re distracted” you grabbed her arm and pulled her in the opposite direction of the car wash and behind a wall that separates part of the parking lot. “how long do you think it takes to wash a car?” you asked. ellie poked her head round the wall to look at the others, a scene of scantily clad sorority girls getting more soapy water on themselves than the cars; a view which usually would’ve awoken her inner horny teenage boy, but her mind was focused purely on getting a couple of minutes alone with you.

“the way they’re doing it… we could have a solid half an hour on our hands.” she joked. you leaned your back against the wall, “hm.. i wonder what we could do in half an hour…?” playful tone to your voice. ellie raised her eyebrows and pushed down the various images and thoughts that flooded her head despite knowing you were joking. “wow and i thought you were a nice girl.” she crossed her arms and towered over you slightly. “i am” your voice was small. “oh i don’t know,” she stepped closer “nice sweet girls don’t say things like that.” she teased. you almost felt embarrassed at how much you liked her being able to flip the power and make your cheeks heat and stomach feel fluttery after you’d tried to confidently flirt. she moved her mouth to your ear, “do they?” she whispered, her warm breath on your neck sending shivers through you. before you had time to attempt to form a reply, a car horn beeped and the sound of wheels screeching against tarmac signalled the first car wash was over and the girls would no longer be distracted from your absence.

“c’mon” she took your arm and let you round the corner of the wall back to the car wash area. emilia spotted the two of you walking towards everyone, “you guys where have you been?! there’s a couple cars pulling in now, come help!” in her usual lively manner. one car drove towards you and parked. “ellie come help me clean the front over here!” emilia spoke. britttneys voice called out suddenly, voice laced with irritation “emilia we’re cleaning this one! over HERE!” emilia rolled her eyes and waved bye to you both. ellie lifted her arm to lean against the top of the car “go ahead, then” she nodded her head towards the sponge, bucket and hose with a playful smile. “why me?” you questioned. “well the guy is paying for a bikini car wash and,” she dragged her eyes up your body to make a point “you’re in a bikini.”

“fine.” you might as well make your own fun. you picked up the wet sponge from the bucket and wrung it out, purposely getting most of it down yourself. ‘oops’ you teased, mimicking some seriously low grade porn acting. ellie held in a chuckle and watched you. you dropped the sponge onto the hood of the car and smeared the sponge over it slowly, pushing your chest out slightly and holding eye contact with ellie, trying desperately to keep up the silly character and not burst into cringed laughter. you moved over to where ellie was stood and started washing (a loose term for what you were doing) the car, positioning yourself in front of her and bending over slightly to ‘reach a certain spot’ which conveniently pushed your ass out in front of ellie’s view. ellie snickered, partly because she was entertained, and partly to try and hide the fact that your jokey performance was actually kind of turning her on.

you slowly lowered yourself to grab the hose that was laid on the ground nearby and as soon as it was in your grip you spun around and spayed it over ellie, her pretty face pulled into an expression of shock, eyes darting between you and the soaked clothes on her body. you didn’t get to enjoy the view for long before she was running towards you. you screamed and ran around the car, hose gripped tightly in your hands. she changed directions in a split second and the panic made you lose your speed, allowing her to grab you with both arms and wiggle the hose from your tight grip, spraying it over you as payback. your screams and laughter weren’t lost on the others but both you and ellie were too absorbed in your little playfight to even notice. you went back and fourth fighting for the hose, ending up with you crouched down by the side of the car, arms and legs covering your chest in a ball to secure the hose with you, ellie crouched next to you playfully trying to wiggle her way into your hands, and your cheeks aching slightly from being lifted up in your amusement.

‘yo my fuckin car!’ a man’s voice spoke up from the car. you looked at ellie and burst into laughter, the realisation that you were supposed to be cleaning this guys car, not engaging in a hose fight out of his sight. ellie’s chest felt fluttery watching you laugh and she played it off in her head as the cold wet clothes sticking to her body having some sort of effect on her rather than admit to herself her infatuation already. wanting to make the most of your spot being out of eye sight of the others, ellie took your face in her hands and kissed you, briskly but not without sentiment, and your body relaxed, shoulders dropping and hands unclenching. the sound of an engine starting up pulled you apart and you and ellie stood up as the rightfully unsatisfied customer drove away.

~~~~~~~~

over the past few days a combination of a surprise visit from ellie’s step-mom and your college deadlines meant you and ellie hadn’t got to see each other as much as you wanted. your minimal time spent together consisted of tension-heavy glances across the room at eta meets, holding hands under the table, and kisses that were as passionate as they could be with only 20 seconds given to them before someone entered the room. technology was currently your saving grace.

the eta living room floor had been transformed into a beautiful mess of plush cushions, pink fluffy throws and an assortment of duvets on top of sleeping mats, all positioned around the room with a large tv front and centre. the sleepover was going well; no chad-talk so far, minimal passive aggression between brittney and ellie, and you’d managed to ever-so casually place yourself in the spot on the floor beside ellie, which allowed you to exchange looks between yourselves when one of the girls said something funny, and meant your hands could find each others under the blankets and duvets.

“your step-dad’s kinda hot, britt” one of the girls spoke through loud chews of popcorn “ugh gross, madison, joel’s like 60” madison broke out into an off-key rendition of ‘age aint nothin but a number’ and brittney hit her with a cushion. ellie watched on, disgust obvious on her face at madison’s comment. “so that’s where you get your good looks from, hey?” you joked, voice low enough to miss everyone else’s ears. “i’m adopted.” “oh…” you looked at her, trying to gauge the tone of the admission. she chuckled lightly “don’t worry, i’m not gonna start crying or some shit. my bio parents died when i was young and… joel’s a great guy. he raised me by himself until-” she nodded her head towards brittney who was lost in discussion with the others, “-he married britt’s mom when i was 16.” you nodded your head. she spoke slowly “which was… odd. at first. having to share my space and… my dad, with this high maintenance lady who wanted to transform me into brittney 2” listening to her talk about personal stuff left a urge griping at you to put your arms around her and hold her against you but you pushed down the feeling and just listened. “okay that settles it! magic mike it is.” brittney’s voice called out, bringing you out of yours and ellie’s bubble.

annoyed as you were for having to sit through shirtless men dancing for the past 40 minutes instead of talking to ellie, she found some way to be touching you the whole time which was softening the blow. her finger’s absentmindedly trailing your arm, leg resting against yours, all kept a secret from the others thanks to the pink dotted throw that lay atop both of you. the combination of her gentle touch and her presence next to you was filling you with a peace and sleepiness that made you turn to her and smile. she smiled back and lifted her hands from you to fish for her phone lost in the duvet. she pulled it out, tapped a bit, and locked it again. you looked at her confused for a moment until she gestured for you to check your phone.

your cheeks warmed in shyness and you silently giggled, opening the chat to reply without the worry of the others knowing yours and ellie’s conversation.

ellie put her phone down and you followed suit, letting your eyes focus back on the movie in front of you. ellie resumed her soft touches, her hand coming to rest on your thigh. you registered the conversation being had from the other girls, something about mike and his magic. before you had time to catch up a girl called katie turned to you “so who’s your favourite?” she said with a spark of enthusiasm. you blinked a few times. “my favourite..?” “guy!! from the movie!!” “oh! um…” you looked at the screen in front of you. “…mike.” there was a hum of agreement. pulling you out of your conversation for a moment, you were aware suddenly of ellie’s thumb stroking the skin of your inner thigh. an action that could’ve been innocent or a purposeful tease. ellie’s gaze was stuck on the screen not giving anything away, but regardless of the intent it made your stomach fill with butterflies. you attempted to pay attention to the chatter about channing tatum but ellie’s hand was moving further up your thigh, running circles, finger moving past the area your pyjama shorts were covering. your breath hitched slightly as her finger met the seam of your underwear. she lowered her mouth to your ear,

“you can tell me to stop” she whispered. you swallowed, head feeling fuzzy and body feeling heavy and warm. emilia spoke, voice directed at you “you know who kinda looks like channing tatum… chad!” she grinned wide. amazing timing. all of the girls looked at you, seemingly waiting on a response. “um i guess, haha” you smiled weakly. ellie’s finger was now stroking the cotton of your underwear, purposely avoiding where your body wanted her the most. “god you’re obsessed with him! it’s adorable.” emilia giggled. you managed a small huff of faux laughter. “so what’s your favourite thing about him?” asked madison. your mind was cloudy and did not have the capacity for chad-talk when ellie’s hand was where it was. “i uhm- i like his h-air” ellie ghosted her finger over your clothed clit and you softly cleared your throat to cover up the squeak that left your mouth on the last word of your reply. another little hum of agreement filled the room and you prayed that was the last of your q&a. “he’s got super cute hair.” katie nodded at you and if you weren’t preoccupied with feeling a whole load of other things you would’ve been feeling grateful that your answer was acceptable to the group.

ellie moved to rest her head against her arm propped up by her elbow and faced towards you, hand still under your shorts. “what about his personality? you think he’d be a good boyfriend?” ellie inquired, seeming genuine to everyone else. you looked at her with pleading eyes. she was mean. “s-sure,” ellie dragged her finger up the length of your cunt right up to your clit, where she applied a bit of pressure that made your head dizzy. “he’s f-funny and ni- mmph” ellie started to draw tight little circles, the fabric of your underwear adding to the blissful friction. embarrassment flushed through your body and you hoped to god your little slip up could be passed off as an awkward word jumble. “oh my gooood, you’re getting so shy talking about him! that’s so sweet.” cooed madison. ellie was shamelessly getting off on watching you struggle to pretend to everyone you were obsessed with this chad douche while she was playing with you over your panties, making you a stuttery mess who couldn’t even form basic responses. “i bet he’d treat you real good” ellie spoke, a mock that was only clear to you. “hm?” she expected a response. “mm” you managed, bordering on a whimper. a small part of your brain was worried about how you were coming across to your sorority sisters right now but the larger part was purely consumed with ellie’s perfect movements and the feeling building in your lower stomach as a result. as much as the thought of ellie making you come right here whilst your new friends were in the room scared you, the twisted part of your brain found it heightening your arousal and making your head feel even more fuzzy. the attention was finally off of you, they had switched back to the movie and we’re talking about the scene. you forced your eyes back there as well, too scared to look at ellie. she picked up her pace and your eyes fell shut.

ellie watched your chest rising and falling in quick succession and your teeth biting down on your lip which she was sure you didn’t even realise you were doing. watching you hold back little moans and fail to keep your composure had ellie soaking through her boxers and she squeezed her legs together to try and relieve the ache. she kept her eyes on you, waiting for the signs you were almost reaching your peak. your breathing got quicker and head fell slightly back. just as you felt the coil in your stomach threatening to break, ellie stopped her movements and removed her hand from your shorts. your eyes fluttered back open and you fought hard against a whine that threatened to leave your throat. ellie used the opportunity of the other girls full engagement on the screen to dip down and kiss your shoulder. you looked up at her but she was staring ahead at the screen, little smirk playing against her lips. you wanted to pounce on her, half in a sexual way and half in an angry way. you crossed your arms and furrowed your brows at the screen, a weak attempt at trying to hide how needy and embarrassingly horny you were and instead seem really interested in these half naked male dancers. 5 minutes into your casual act ellie moved a hand to lightly trace lines on the skin of your inner arm. an innocent display but with the unreleased tension that was firing through your whole body, her light touch was making arousal prickle at your skin. “you enjoying the movie?” ellie spoke quietly, a fake sincerity to her voice. “‘mhm.” you replied, eyes not leaving the screen. “seems it” smugness evident in the upturned corner of her mouth.

an hour later the bright glow and animated sounds from the tv were long gone, now the only noise came from the last few late whispered conversations and occasional ruffles from sheets being slept in. you and ellie had spent the hour keeping giggles, chats and flirty teases hushed to a secret volume, bodies laid facing each other. you were still basking in the fuzzy sleepy state ellie had created, but pushing down the neediness seeing as ellie was clearly feeling mean tonight. that pleasurable feeling of relaxed comfortability mixed with giggly excitement that you always got whenever you were with ellie seemed to be heightened in the late night environment of whispers and touches under the covers. the sleepover setting was also prodding you both towards wholesome playful discussions.

“what’s your favourite… food?” you asked, little jump of excitement when you thought of your question. she laughed and her heart did a little jump watching you grin at her. “pizza.” you screwed up your face. “pizza.. so basic.” “oh i’m sorry miss fancy pants should i have said my favourite food is …” she pondered for a half-second “an amuse bouch?” you chest bubbled with laughter and you nudged her playfully “no i just meant that’s what everyone says. and ‘an amuse bouch’ is not a food.” she signed dramatically, the soft orange glow from the only lamp left on contouring the features of her face and it made your heart leap a little at how beautiful you thought she was. “ok my turn,” she started, “what’s your… favourite animal?” you thought for a moment. “bunnies!” “checks out…” she began “you’re like a little bunny.” you pretended to be offended by the comparison “am not. i’m like a scary lion.” she laughed “absolutely not. you’re a cute little baby bunny.” she lightly tapped your nose. “cutest.” you held your bottom lip with your teeth to hide the embarrassed smile that was threatening to surface. “and you know what they say about bunnies?” she teased. “what?” “they fuck like crazy” she laughed at her own comment and her voice threatened to reach normal volume. you hit her on the arm “ellie! the others could hear” you spoke in a desperate hush. “they’re all asleep.” you hadn’t even realised the lack of background chatter for the past few minutes and sure enough you sat up slightly to scan the room and were met only with the still bodies and slow breathing reserved for sleep. you turned back to face her “oh.”

she pulled your body back onto the soft floor where you’d been resting and leaned over you to place a kiss on your mouth. she laid one hand on the floor to prop herself up and the other came to rest on your side. the kiss instantly sparked up the arousal that had been siting vacant in your body for the past hour. she deepened it for a few seconds before pulling away. “i’m going to the bathroom.” she spoke. surprise was evident on your features and she just chuckled lowly and got up out of her ‘bed’ to walk out of the living room, leaving the door open behind her. you sat yourself up. really? after her antics this evening she couldn’t wait even just a few minutes to p- oh. was… that an invitation? surely not. oh my god you freak she’s just peeing. unless..? you wriggled out of the mass of blankets and duvets laying over you and walked towards the door. you reached it and stopped in your tracks, running it over in your head and turning back. 2 seconds later and you decided to turn back around again, walking through the hallway to the bathroom, assuring yourself if she didn’t mean it as a proposition you could play it off as also needing to use the bathroom. you reached the closed door and stood in front of it feeling slightly embarrassed. you turned your head towards the direction you just came from, getting ready to sneak back, when the door opened suddenly.

she looked at you and raised her arm to rest on the door frame. just like she’d done the last time you found yourself in a vulnerable position in this very bathroom. but this time she didn’t talk, she just grabbed your waist with her free hand and turned you into the room, shutting the door behind her and placing you against it. and then she was kissing you, desperate and eager and you were grateful for her holding you otherwise you thought you might’ve melted onto the floor. her hands dipped under your top and her fingers traced the skin under your boobs. “ellie” you breathed out, clouded mind and sleepiness taking away any filter, mouth moving on its own terms. “this ok?” she asked. “mmhm” you nodded desperately. “more” you pleaded quietly. “manners, pretty girl.” she instructed. “more, please ellie” you whispered. “good girl” her mouth was back on yours as her hands lifted under your top, giving a light squeeze to your boobs and rolling her thumbs over your hardened nipples. you let out a little moan into her mouth and she groaned softly.

“brittney has this thing,” ellie started to speak breathlessly between kisses, “where she-” kiss “-wakes up to pee-“ kiss. your mind wondered where this could possibly lead to information important enough to interrupt this, “at pretty much exactly-“ kiss “-12 each morning” kiss. you held her face and looked at her “what?” she looked up at the little decorative silver clock resting on a cabinet in the bathroom “it’s 11:50.” she went back to kissing you, tongue meeting yours, emptying everything from your brain. she lowered a hand to your lower tummy and ran her finger along the waistband of your pyjama shorts. ellie looked down at them. white with tiny frills at the hem.

“i like these” she told you, lifting the elastic and letting it snap lightly back against your skin. you chewed on your bottom lip, shy smile on your face. she kissed you again, a little slower this time, teasing you despite how insanely desperate she was herself. she let her hand dip under your shorts and ran her fingers over your panties again, feeling the patch of wetness where your pussy met the cotton. she smiled into your kiss “you’re dripping.” your face was burning and all you managed to reply was a little huff. “so cute” she teased, all the while knowing she was just as, if not more wet under her own underwear. she moved your panties to the side and dipped a finger into your folds, trying desperately to hold back a groan. she brought your wetness up to your clit with her thumb and a moan was pulled from your throat. she rubbed little circles, making your mouth drop open slightly and grip onto her arms. “there you go” she cooed.

just as you were growing used to the feeling you felt her finger at your entrance and you gasped lightly. “you want it?” she asked. the thought of more stimulation than she was giving you already made you feel dizzy. “yes” you breathed out. “beg for it.” she demanded, a bold choice with the time limit you were on. “please ellie i need it. need you inside, please” ellie thought her legs might give out. she obliged, filling you up with one finger and beginning to move, “squeezing me so tight baby”. you whimpered in response, head full of nothing but the hot pleasure your body was feeling. your breathing was starting to get heavier again and you squeezed your eyes tight. “so close already. ‘s that because of earlier?” she taunted. you shook your head yes. she chuckled mockingly “such a little slut letting me touch you while your friends were talking to you. bet it made you so wet didn’t it? knowing they had no idea i was playing with your little pussy the whole time” a pathetic whine left your throat and she grabbed your jaw with her free hand “answer me.” “yes ellie” your voice came out shaky.

“think you can take more, baby?” you nodded, willing to take anything she gave you. “such a good girl” she praised and it heightened the pleasurable submissive fuzz your head was swimming with. she added another finger and the fullness made your jaw go slack, a succession of little whimpers and moans leaving your mouth. ellie was watching you in awe, your face a beautiful display of full pleasure and the pretty sounds coming from your mouth made her stomach flip. “so pretty” she muttered, almost to herself. your release was fast approaching you, hands gripping ellie tight. “you gonna come, pretty girl?” ellie cooed. “m g’nna come” you confirmed in a whimper. “come for me angel,” your orgasm hit you and you clenched down hard around her “that’s it baby, come on my fingers” she murmured as you came undone, body shaking from the pleasure and leaving you limp, held up only by ellie. your mind was coming back into focus as you noticed ellie leaving little kisses on your shoulder, up to your collarbone, neck and jaw. you looked at her and she looked up at you and smiled. you rested against the door catching your breath. she took your hand and spoke softly, “brittney.” “huh?” your mind not quite catching up yet. “it’s nearly 12.” she gestured to the clock. “oh!”. you let her guide you back to the living room, feet moving slowly to avoid loud creaks.

~~~~~~~~

walking into the sorority main room a high pitched squeal caught your attention. you scanned the room quickly to find ellie and you have her a little wave. emilia came running towards you and dragged you towards where everyone else was. “so…” she started “since you gushed about chad so much at the sleepover the other night-“ your stomach dropped. “-i took it upon myself to set you guys up!” she grinned at you expectantly. you didn’t speak. “don’t be nervous! it’s tonight at the tipsy bison bar but don’t worry, we’ll all be there too and he’s bringing his friends.” she beamed. “right girls?” she spoke to the others. a jumble of ‘yeah!’‘s and ‘of course!’‘s. brittney didn’t say a word. neither did ellie.

part 4

tag list @ximtiredx @gold-dustwomxn @nil-eena @alexpritch @robinismywifee @girlfr1endism @sc0ttstre3ted (sorry i don’t know why some blogs won’t tag;(( ) happy to add people to the taglist but i can’t tag you if you don’t have your age in your bio!! my blog is 18+ !!

[anna-the-undertaker]

Im playing with an incorrect quote generator and I'm sharing them here. They are cracking me tf up.

Belphie: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to MC and not do the thing, Belphie: Well there’s a clear right answer here. Belphie: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*

Satan: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY- MC: Awwww, you’re so adorable! Give me a hug~ Satan: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH- Lucifer, recording: This is so cute.

Beel: sSSSHIT- I BURNT MY LIP- Belphie: …Why the fuck would you even drink coffee with a METAL STRAW in the FIRST PLACE?? Beel: BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF THE PLASTIC ONES!

Barbatos: Look, Satan, if you can fit your head down the gun’s barrel, you can assume it doesn’t have a non-lethal setting.

MC: Yes, I'm adopting Satan and you cowards can't tell me no!

Lucifer: *running towards Beel with open arms* Beel: *moves out of the way* Lucifer: Hey, why'd you move?! Beel: I thought you were going to attack me. Lucifer: I was going to hug you! Beel: Why would you hug me? Lucifer: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

Levi: The best way to gain someone's undying loyalty is by saving them from a perilous situation. Barbatos: So you're just gonna wait until MC is in danger and save them? Levi: Of course not, I'm going to create a situation that puts them in danger and then save them. Barbatos: … Barbatos: You're insane.

MC: We’re going to defeat you with the power of friendship. Belphie: We’re not friends. MC, holding an axe: We’re going to defeat you with the power of incredible violence.

Lucifer: You’re starting to look like me more and more every day— Satan: *Bursts into tears* Lucifer: Why are you crying? Satan: You’re ugly! I don’t want to look like you! *sobs*

*Satan and Mammon are texting* Satan: Who are you? Someone changed the names in my phone. Mammon: What did they change my name to? Satan: Chosen One. Mammon: Don’t change it back. Satan: BUT WHO ARE YOU?!?! Mammon: I’m the chosen one.

Mammon: "What are you into?" is such a broad question, like do I reply with a TV series or choking?

Belphie: Sorry I can’t be emotionally vulnerable with you it’d ruin the mystery.

Asmo: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

Mammon: What happened to your nose? Satan: I used it to break some guy's fist.

Mammon: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name? MC: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though… I don't know. Mammon: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts.

Mammon: Would anyone know any good vendors for professional-quality brass knuckles? Asmo: I know you’re serious, but you say the scariest shit sometimes.

Mammon: look Levi, I'm not slut shaming you but… Mammon: Actually yeah, I'm TOTALLY slut shaming you.

Lucifer: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might. Mammon: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-

Satan: My expectations were low but holy fuck.

MC: *Texts a selfie to the group chat* Hey besties!! Mammon: *Texts a selfie clearly parodying MC's* hey besties !!1! MC: I literally hate you so much.

Satan: What's this? MC, hugging Satan: Affection! Satan: Disgusting. Satan: …Do it again.

Lucifer: I am going to need you to swear- Diavolo: Fuck. Lucifer: Lucifer: …swear as in promise.

Mammon: Pardon me, but it sounds like you’re questioning my authority! Lucifer: Not at all, Mammon. Merely your primitive methods.

MC: *cocks gun* Go to Bed. This is no longer a request, This is now a Threat.

Levi: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this! Beel: Apparently, we're not.

Mammon: *Reading a letter* Satan: Well, what does it say? Mammon: It’s a confession letter. It turns out MC killed my pet rock.

Diavolo: Not to be nsfw but I want someone to hold me while I sleep.

MC: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Diavolo and Lucifer's convo? Asmo: Me. I'm in the laundry basket. Belphie: I'm in the washing machine. Barbatos: I'm in the closet. Asmo: We accept you Barbatos. <3 Barbatos: No I'm literally in the closet. Asmo: Love is love. <3

Belphie (brainstorming ideas for pranking Lucifer): How much would a serial killer mask possibly cost? MC: Well it’s hard to find a high-quality one made out of leather or silicone, but if you did find a good one like that it’d be a couple thousands of dollars. I can try to hook you up with one but I don’t know if I’d be very successful. Belphie: Huh, that’s pretty interesting actually- Wait, how the hell do you know that? MC: …I am very passionate about Halloween, Belphie.

Diavolo: I don't know, it's not my cup of tea. Satan: Well then whose is it? Diavolo, staring at a cup of tea: I don't know!

MC: What’s something you guys are better than Lucifer at? Mammon: Mario Kart. Satan: Yeah, video games. Levi: Emotional vulnerability.

Mammon: Can we talk about that mass email you sent? MC: Why? It was important. Mammon: All it says is, "I'm back on my shit". Diavolo, shrugging: The people need to know.

Mammon: Can you pass the salt? Asmo: Can you pass away? Mammon: Too much salt.

*talking on the phone* Mammon: Remember how I said that MC and I were gonna have a calm night out for once? Lucifer: Yeah… Mammon: Well, we’re in jail. Lucifer: *hangs up*

MC: Go to hell! Lucifer: Where do you think I come from?

MC: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.

Satan: We need a distraction. Lucifer: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises? Diavolo, whispering: My time has come.

Mammon: I don’t know, this plan seems complicated. Lucifer: You once said that about an orange. Mammon: They don’t make sense. Apples, you eat their clothes but oranges you don’t.

Diavolo: Mammon and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us. Asmo: What did you do? Diavolo: They chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and- Mammon: *walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?

[retributory]

Thank you for the post saying Binghe wouldn't care if he found out Shen Yuan replaced Shen Jiu, I saw a post on that danmei confessions blog that was something like "Shen Yuan being compared to Helen of Troy is accurate bc they both bring ruin to those around them, since if people found out about Shen Yuan then Cang Diong would want Shen Jiu's body back for a burial (so they would basically exorcise Shen Yuan out of it I guess and he'd die again) and Luo Binghe would break up with him for not being able to trust him anymore" and that pissed me off so much bc like. Worstie how can you read the novel and be this wrong about everything in it. Personally I don't think people know Shen Yuan replaced Shen Jiu (except maybe Binghe) but if they found out about how he was forced to due to the System, like he was a hostage and cursed by some entity, they certainly wouldn't blame him or force him to leave. I mean literally the only person who would mourn Shen Jiu is Yue Qingyuan, and he likes the current Shen Yuan too! He wouldn't want him dead either. Idk how some people can misinterpret a novel's point this bad but I wish they'd stop talking about it as if they're facts

yeah idk the average user on that blog appears to be reading entirely different novels and you go in the notes and people are nodding sagely as if the posts make sense. like if the actual text of the novel disagrees with you i think you're just wrong lol.

and yeah they . . . pretty much have already guessed it isn't shen jiu anyways. like they don't know who it IS, or what exactly the truth of the situation is, because the system and such are out of their scope of knowledge, but they're quite confident in running theories like "qi deviation-induced amnesia and personality change," so they don't consider him the same guy anyways. they were actively shocked it WASN'T possession (though the possession theory is kind of correct. lol). it's also so weird to think that cqms would (for lack of nicer terms) give a fuck at all if sy DID maliciously possess sj. in the original timeline it's made pretty clear no one comes to sj's defense except yqy, because sj specifically desires that outcome. sj isn't some helpless baby at the whims of everyone around him - he specifically and intentionally seeks to ruin his own life and the lives of everyone around him, or at the very least make them as miserable around him as possible. thus, no one else likes or misses him at all, and in fact every peak lord at that meeting was jumping for joy that they got Other Guy instead of sj, which is a contributing factor to why they just decide to simply not call him out on it.

i also think (says guy who posts about svsss 3 times a day) people are like. taking it too serious. you're not supposed to be seriously considering lines of thought like that because svsss is a transmigration parody novel of xianxia power fantasies - whatever exists in the background exists purely to support the world of this satire. and while that certainly is a fun topic for meta - i enjoy reading posts like that! - it becomes irritating when the meta is framed as if somehow you are in the wrong for enjoying a novel the way it was intended to be enjoyed by the author, and that the only True way to enjoy it is through enlightened meta-contextual analysis that assumes all the characters are actually different people.

someone on that blog was like "why doesn't svsss expand on the lore and fights and characters!!!" because they don't matter to the story my friend. not every novel is lord of the rings. this is xianxia transmigration parody novel my friend. just read . . . an actual stallion novel. actually really do that because then you'll form a connection with sy because these things are written SO bad and then you'll understand him LMFAO

[no-psi-nan]

Haha no worries! It's downplayed a lot in the series because it's supposed to be a comedy, but when you start looking more closely at the stuff Kuniharu does, it paints a picture of a terrible father and a bad husband too.

It's been a topic on the blog several times, so I'm sure people can chime in with more evidence, but here's what's off the top of my head...

Raised Kusuke. Nuff said tbh lol.

Kuniharu calls Kusuo a monster multiple times and is almost certainly the reason why Kusuke and Kusuo himself believe that Kusuo is an inhuman freak. This attitude is certainly not coming from Kurumi, and nobody else knew about Kusuo's power. From the beginning of the series, Kusuo genuinely believes he's unable to connect with other human beings, and it's mostly because of this attitude inherited from his father.

Kuniharu is never seen attempting to prevent Kusuke from constantly picking fights with his brother, and only attempting to discipline Kusuo for behavior that Kuniharu considers disrespectful to him. This is mostly a fact by omission, but we do see him belittling Kusuke when the kid obviously already has an inferiority problem.

Kuniharu is one of the worst performers at his job and the first to be let go in the case of a crisis. When he loses his job, he's unable to find any others because his only real skill is shoe-licking. This was a parody chapter though so questionably canon. He's always running late for his job though and we see him trying to make a manga artist rip off Naruto, so honestly it makes sense that he's that bad at his job. The only time he's shown as slightly competent at his job was during a parody chapter too hsfjdlshfks.

However what's definitely canon is that he either doesn't make much money or mis-spends most of it. In an area where Nendo's mom, a single woman, and Satou's family, the exact average family, can afford to live, Kuniharu had to take out an 80 year mortgage to pay for a similarly sized home. For context, most mortgages are for 30 years, 15 if you git gud. Btw, the house was literally a gift from Kusuke, Kuniharu insisted on paying out of manly pride or something. Sir, Kusuke is a freaking billionaire and this is like the only single no-strings-attached genuinely kind thing he's ever done hsfjdlshfks

Completely irresponsible with money: has a huge Valentine's day budget for his wife's gift ($3,000 iirc?) and then spends it all at the bar paying for his coworkers' drinks (the same guys who abuse him at his job and think he's garbage). He also spends huge amounts of money on his model figure collection, and has a whole room of gym equipment he never uses. As a result, Kusuo has a very small allowance and for some reason, his one favorite food (coffee jelly) is not included in the grocery list. Even though Kusuo canonically gets insane rock bottom prices for literally everything that gets bought in the household. How do you fuck up so badly financially that you can't buy your clinically depressed son the one (inexpensive!) thing that brings him joy??

By the way, Kuniharu started dating Kurumi when he was a college student and she was in high school. Kusuke was born like a year after they met, so you can do the math about how little time he spent before knocking her up 😬 They basically had a shotgun wedding. No wonder Kurumi's dad is NOT a fan of Kuniharu...

Literally one of the first chapters is Kuniharu and Kurumi domestic violence but make it funny. They're throwing furniture, Kuniharu is breaking the windows, Kurumi is yeeting her husband, and all this shit is over a single coffee jelly, which again, should be a normal part of the groceries for their household. They constantly bring their son into this drama too, which I'm sure is fantastic for his mental and emotional development btw.

There's a manga exclusive chapter that's a parody, so questionably canon, but in it Kuniharu physically attacks Kusuo multiple times over differences in opinion.

However, it IS canon that Kuniharu takes any opportunity to try to physically harm Kusuo. Ex. Hitting him in the massage episode and trying to step on him when he turns tiny.

Canon tries to redeem him a bit by showing moments where Kusuo is a baby and Kuniharu is trying really hard to make him smile because he wants his baby boy to be happy. Unfortunately that just makes it seem like he tried to be a good father for a bit when Kusuo was a baby, and then as soon as Kusuo's powers developed enough to make him miserable (the time when he needs the MOST familial support!), Kuniharu just gives up, and starts using Kusuo as his personal genie in a bottle. While also trying to fix his own fragile ego by attempting to establish dominance over his son. ????? Get therapy bro.

Canon also shows that Kuniharu's love points for Kusuo are the same as for his wife, however, not even Kuniharu believes that, as he tries to run away to evade it hsfjdlshfks. And even if he does love his son that much, he certainly doesn't show it in any meaningful way, because his literal MIND-READING SON doesn't know that. There are plenty of parents who truly love their kids and still abuse them like hell because they think that's the right thing to do (see Kaido's mom being overly strict because she wants to see him succeed in life), so the love points don't mean much imo.

Kuniharu does dole out a couple of pieces of wisdom (at Kusuo's wrong date birthday party and in the volcano arc) but that really doesn't make up for anything and even his wife thinks he's childish so... 🇫

Kuniharu is definitely funny as a character, and like I said, most of this requires digging into canon a little more, but once you start looking, it becomes clear that Kuniharu is just not a good person, father, or husband.

Like, I totally get that having a genius and a god as your kids would not be easy for any parent, but Kuniharu really doesn't try to make life better for either of his sons, preferring to get into petty squabbles with his wife and play video games/build models the rest of the time. I'm not saying dads can't have hobbies, but the only times we see him spending time with Kusuo is usually when he's begging for a favor, and he also clearly does zero housework whatsoever, so...

Anyways, I think Kurumi deserves a better husband and Kusuo deserves a better parent (or at least a break from being used as a magical favor vending machine lol) so I often joke on here that Kurumi should get a divorce and run polls about who she should marry instead and such!

Hope this helps! 👍🏾 Thanks for the question!

[dateamonster]

the good weed will have u waking up the next morning like theres a connecting thread of monster hunting shows where the main characters are simultaneously symbols of the status quo charged with identifying and often eliminating the Others of the world while being othered themselves in such a way that upholding the institutions they do can be read as acting directly against their own best interest. this is especially obvious in something like x-files where the characters are literally agents of the fbi and the show is structured more or less in the format of a police procedural, while half of the main duo is defined primarily by his love and fascination with the paranormal, a curiosity about the greater world which the very powers he serves we know would seek to contain, to secret away, or to destroy. or even like supernatural where monster hunting has this inextricable tie to a sort of stereotypical rugged masculinity and stoicism that is supposed to appeal to the audience even while we see it emotionally and physically destroying the characters who most strive to embody it. within both of these shows, and im sure others within the genre (looking at you buffy, tho i dont have time to unpack all that rn), there is this vein of suppressed queerness that runs through the narrative, as if in embodying this role as the defender of hegemony and eliminator of that which disrupts the perceived natural order, the archtypal monster hunter is made to recognize and subsequently repress the aspects of that cultural deviance that manifest within themself. going back to supernatural, this i think is especially evident in the conflict between the text of show and its large queer fanbase, who seemed to recognize within its otherwise pretty cut and dry story of a manly man who likes cars and guns and follows almost blindly the demands of his patrilinial inheritance a sort of self-parody, the conformity to the role of this cishetpatriarchal protector ideal so complete and almost excessive that it doubles back and becomes a kind of drag, yet so fragile that continuing to uphold it appears to be a constant source of pain and conflict for its characters.

im not saying such and such monster hunter show is inherently a secret queer narrative, but i AM saying every monster hunter is a huge fucking closet case.

[taintedcigs]

modern!steve popular culture hcs:

loves taylor swift. this is obvious. 1989 is his go to album when he's getting ready (especially during his hair care routine). he thinks style and wildest dreams were written FOR HIM. is not afraid to sing the songs out loud and sometimes annoys u a lot by singing them in a really high-pitched voice. sings "he's so TALLLL and handsome as HELLLL, he's so bad but he does it so well." at you with a wink and pointing to himself, fully believing it's written about him, you can't convince him otherwise.

rom-com lover. through and through. he used to hide it but he just can't anymore. loooves 10 things i hate about you, how to lose a guy in 10 days, and notting hill. he also enjoys all of katherine heigl's iconic rom-coms.

LOVES MUSICALS. mamma mia is in his top 3 on letterboxd (he loves abba SO MUCH). and he cried watching la la land and regularly listens to the soundtrack.

he can't watch horror movies for the life of him. he got creeped out by the idea of coraline and still can't get himself to watch it. (robin dressed up as the other mother for halloween and steve SCREAMED.)

he's one of those people WHO loves watching movies that are so bad that they are ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECES. also have a feeling he laughs really hard at those 00s parody movies. idk why. it's what bonded him and eddie. and they have a marathon of bad parody movies when they're stoned tf out of their mind. they just told me.

he loves ANYTHING pop. (he loves fantasize by ariana grande and has begged u on countless occasions to do the dance on tiktok and only send it to him) and he loves himself some alt-pop and occasionaly indie stuff like lana, lorde, arctic monkeys, death cab for cutie, sufjan stevens, inhaler, franz ferdinand, band of horses and boygenius!!!

also random but he'd be such a trashy reality tv fan.... watching ALL of them with you... love island, jersey shore, housewives, dANCE MOMS, any other horrible netflix reality tv... like at first he scoffs at you for it, but then he does that dad stance. just standing and watching whatever you're watching, then finally after a few hours, he takes a seat next to you, fully immersed in the experience, not even letting YOU look at your phone, and he's sitting on the edge of the couch, staring at the tv like a man-possessed while critiquing the show and doing commentary like they can hear him.

the most "metal" he can listen to is literally fall out boy. (eddie keeps making fun of him for this. you are now sending metal songs to steve, day by day, trying to get him to like it, just so that eddie won't make fun of your poor angel bf anymore<3)

this is self-indulgent but he's a twilight fanboy through and through... team edward but he feels bad for jacob (sadly... you have an argument about this each time and once you bring up jacob claiming a baby he's dead silent), has a tradition w u to watch them every fall. he acts like he's seeing it for the first time each time u guys watch it.

likes harry potter (fuck jkr forever, u guys don't engage in the content and u 🏴‍☠️ both the movies n books:)) bc he grew up with the movies but if you're a harry potter nerd, he'd poke fun at THAT A LOOT. HE'S A LIL TEASING ASSHOLE. "oh that wasn't very slytherin of you!" "i thought you were supposed to be brave, huh? aren't you a gryffindor, babe?" he taunts with a loud chuckle, enjoying the way you narrow your gaze at him.

[plasticfangtastic]

okay so i did say I was gonna be annoying here's my first little analysis of the trailer for the boys. this shit is messy but its 8 am over here and i just need to ramble... spoiler talk here...

i'm a little concerned about Ryan being so down to kill people this early on in his life, like he's straight up just killing or trying to kill a man in front of a small crowd that got a bunch of phones out, he's also with who i assume its Zoe Neuman and at first I thought it was butcher who was getting thrown againts a building bcuz the guys's colour scheme matched but frankly i don't know.

lowkey feel like the whole arc between Starlight and Homelander will be about him trying to prove to Starlight that she's in the wrong side of history, he just looks so fucking smug when the riot takes place and both his and starlight stans are beating each other up-- frankly both scenes do not seem to be in the same spot... but there's just something in his face that screams "I told you so" to me. its also really interesting how nobody sees him in the middle of the carnage like nobody its stopping their shit when he shows up compare to Gen V where the whole school froze.

likely to be a parody of the captain america musical scene from the Hawkeye's tv show if i had to take a guess but as some xmas production (as u can see the baby jesus scene in the back)

I already seen ppl throw cloning theories over these hairs that I bet are Madelyn's but its just his murder shrine which do include Black Noir so I guess Homelander cheated on Maeve with Noir, I would not be surprise if he has a whole wall of ex-gfs and we might see some Becca's stuff but my question is why its A-train in his house, is he stealing something/breaking in to spy or was he invited by Homelander? and where in the apartment is this? like is down mystery hall over here:

I wasn't sure who this guy its but I'm gonna say Webweaver as he looks like nobody I recognize and his hair its too logn to be Frenchie or Joe and he's according to Vought HQ meant to die by Homelander's hand (maybe he's fucking Anika and Homelander no longer accepts race traitors in his ranks)

I imagine Splinter over here its connected to Firecracker as he seems to be in the conspiracy theory convention and Firecracker its supposed to be yassified Alex Jones plus the con its called truthcon and her show its called truthbomb...

and here's the most spoilery thing and what tells me the Vought HQ spoilers are real... Kimiko will lose her arm to Zoey according to the spoilers and here's she is fighting kimiko and her powers seem to match the description.

I imagien that they finally decide to take a hit at Neuman and try to kidnap Zoe/Zoey and this is the end result...

[violetpurpleviolet]

Supernatural , Season 6 , Episode 5

Live free or Twi-Hard

Is this supposed to be some twilight or TVD parody? She looks like Bella a bit.

Hahahahah it is a parody. “These aren’t vampires man , these… these are douche bags”

“He’s watching her sleep , how is that not rapey?”

Very valid point Dean.

Dean got called pretty by a dude again

WHAT THE FUCK SAM? WHY DID HE STAND BY AND WATCH DEAN GET FORCED TO DRINK VAMPIRE BLOOD?

WHAT THE FUCK? What in the actuallt fuck Sam?

NOOOO LISSSAAAAA. Istg istg if the writers make Dean hurt her. Good good he just saying goodbye.I know he’s gonna get saved. Obviously when it’s Sam and Dean they’ll find a cute and find a way to save the person , but when it’s someone else , oh no you turned , and get your head chopped. They try, but they try only real hard for Sam and Dean.

“You can relax , I didn’t drink anyone” Psh please like Sam hasn’t. Sammy a monster too then. ( Sorry for the Sam slander , but he got on my nerves for not saving Dean.)

omg what the fuck Sam??? what’s wrong with him!!!!!!

ahhhhh!

This season is so mysterious. Like nothing seems to make sense. Are the showing us the first ever vampire or what? Twins? what?

I don’t like this. What’s up with Sam? Sam used to be the more “don’t hurt anyone , save as many people as you can, don’t shoot the innocent person” What happened? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU SAMMY?

Dean’s cured. Did he forget everything that happened? So basically he just threw up the vampire blood inside him?

Oh no , Lisa..

“No matter what happens , I can always count on you. Right, Sammy?”

“Of course, Dean”

nooooo you can’t!

ALSO WHY ISINT THERE ENOUGH CASTIEL? HES BEEN ON ONE OUT OF 5 episodes