#Top 10 things I would do if I had a member. number 1. Place it in the floppy drive as soon as possible

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

why do u think people r so ashamed of loving danron??

I mean, honestly, there's a lot of reasons, which makes it kind of complicated to tackle. I can list out a few from the top of my head, based on personal experience Feeling the shame and observation of other fans

•The problematic content in the games themselves. People feel embarrassed to like the other parts of the game because of the amount of bigoted moments (and sometimes whole characters) within these games. They don't want people to think they like those parts too, so they couch their appreciation in embarrassment.

•The reputation of the fanbase. On tumblr at least, things have normalized significantly and I find this fandom a very chill place to be. But the danganronpa fandom at its peak (2012-2016ish) was RABID. Like any major tumblr fandom, there was tons of drama, discourse, and toxic fan behaviour, but DR was genuinely on another level. This is especially true because of the young average age of members of the fandom at the time. Even though thats not generally true anymore on tumblr, this fandom still has that reputation to non-fans, and so people don't want to be associated with it.

•Cringe culture. At its peak, the DR fandom on tumblr was made mostly of teens, especially younger teens. I think the earnest way young teens participate in fandom led to it being seen as cringe, just like many other fandoms. Also, even outside of its problematic content, DR's plot can be weird and, frankly, even completely ridiculous. Similar to hom/estuck, I think this esotericness adds to people's kneejerk reaction to it when hearing about it second hand.

•The tendency of tumblr to turn on popular media when the magic is gone. This is something I've noticed with a lot of tumblr's number 1 big fandoms. Once a lot of people's interest in it starts wearing off, for some reason people will pivot to hating it. It happened with T/MA a little, it happened with Und/ertale, it happened with S/U, and so many other fandoms that tumblr went crazy over initially. Maybe its because these fandoms became so vocal they started to annoy those not participating, so they started to meme and make fun of it and its fans. Then, when people start to leave as their interests change, they join in on the teasing to displace the shame they might've felt from being teased. Eventually, people usually turn around and come to appreciate the piece of media casually again. That didn't really happen with DR... probably because of the other three reasons.

DR gained this reputation of being "irredeemable, problematic, cringe media" with a toxic fanbase and never shook it off. Before I played DR, I knew nothing about it except that tumblr hated it, for some reason. I had learned literally nothing else through fandom osmosis! And I think that general feeling, that Good People who like Unproblematic Things* (*requirement of being a good person) would never touch DR with a 10 foot pole outside of to make fun of it, sticks with people.

So when people finally check it out, usually through irony-poisoned letsplays of it, and end up actually liking it, they don't know what to do with themselves. How do you balance genuinely liking this piece of media with the site-wide perception youve grown so used to? With the idea that everyone will hate you if they know you like it, that you are a bad person for even posting about it? And thats how you get everyone's first DR post having a caption essentially communicating "im so sorry for posting about dr- I know its terrible and associating myself with this game makes me look disgusting- people who've followed me up until now, please dont hate me!"

[bergdg]

Analyzing Invention: Jan-Aug 2024

We are now two-thirds through 2024. Each week, a new challenge has appeared as part of the Inventor's Fair, a Magic: the Gathering card design contest blog here on Tumblr.

For the uninitiated, each week, a design challenge is announced on the blog and members of the community create cards meeting the design specifications. At the end of the week, a few winners and runner-ups are selected from the submission.

So let's take a look at some of the trends so far this year - January through August.

Art. Katerina of Myra's Marvels. Illustrated by Gaboleps

The Contests

Through August, there have been 33 contests: 11 being led by @abelzumi, 10 being led by @spooky-bard, and the rest led by an assortment of judges (Note: there were 6 contest in which the judge didn't identify themselves).

Throughout these 33 contests, there have been 723 entries, spread over 110 unique participants. Of those participants, there have been 17 who have submitted at least 17 submissions (50+% participation). A special shout-out to @nine-effing-hells for their 33 submissions.

On average, there have been 22 participants per contest, with the highest being Common Wonders (30 participants) and the lowest being a tie between My Better Half, War Never* Changes and Spoiled for Choice (16 participants).

Fig. 1 - Line Graph of the Number of Entries Per Contest. Blue dots represent the number of entries for a contest, and the green line represents the 3-contest average.

The Submissions

As previously mentioned, there have been 723 unique entries (some of which had multiple designs, such as all the ones submitted for My Better Half).

In previous evaluations, we looked at all sorts of data: such as card types, mana value, and rarities. While prepping for this iteration, I asked what folks would like to see. The request: let's see some color breakdowns. So let's deep-dive!

Starting off, let's look at general color identities. If they are at least partial in the color, they'll be included here. In order:

Black: 232

Blue: 224

Red: 215

White: 211

Green: 156

Most of the colors are pretty close in the number of entries, except poor ol' green. This is the same from what we saw in the January-April update as well. (The order then was almost the exact same, with just blue and black swapping places).

The pattern is similar when we look at solely mono color entries, with Blue and Red swapping places:

Black: 91

Red: 87

Blue: 83

White: 80

Green: 55

Fig. 2 - Image of Kermit the Frog, with text saying "It's not easy bein' green".

Now let's dip into a well we haven't before: multi-color entries!

Based on our general color tendencies, you might think Dimir (blue-black) OR Rakdos (black-red) would be in the top spot. And while they do make a good showing (at #2 and #4 respectively), the top spot might surprise you:

Orzhov (W B): 35

Dimir (U B): 34

Izzet (U R): 30

Rakdos (B R): 26

Azorius (W U): 24

Boros (R W): 23

Simic (G U): 22

Gruul (R G): 20

Selesnya (G W): 16

Golgari (B G): 13

Unsurprisingly, all 4 green guilds were lowest on the list. I was surprised that Golgari was lowest though, with the general black designs being the most prominent.

For three colors, most of the 10 options are fairly close, between 3 and 5 entries each. The slight stand-out was Abzan (W B G) with 6. There has been only a single 4-color design, Atraxa's Command designed by @khyrberos (g w u b), and four 5-color designs.

There have also been 35 colorless cards designed. I'll give a note here on lands - since we are looking a color identity and not mana cost, many lands are in a color bucket, not just here in colorless land.

Well, that about sums things up for this time around. It's always cool to see everyone's submissions each week as part of the @inventors-fair! Y'all are awesome, and I can't wait to see what designs you come up with through the end of the year. And maybe, just maybe, think about adding some green :).

[dutchvanwinkle]

Mr Van der Linde Pt. 10 - Dutch x Reader

This is it, angels! The last chapter of the Mr Van der Linde mini-fic. This has been an absolute joy to write, thank you for allowing me to indulge in my fantasy and for being the most wonderful group of enablers a writer could ever ask for. The response to this story has been much more than I expected, and I’ve had the best time sharing it with you. Thank you endlessly for your support and hype <3

It's on ao3, if you'd rather read there!

Summary: You deal with the consequences of your actions.

Word count: 9,037

Content warnings: smoking, drug use

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7 | PART 8 | PART 9 | PART 10

‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗

You’d blocked Dutch’s number. It was the only thing left to do.  

It was the first action you took upon getting on that train. You knew that if you heard his voice or read a single word from him, you’d cave.

The level of agony you felt was like nothing you’d ever experienced. Your heart was broken, so much so that you were surprised the thing was still able to beat. All of a sudden, two of the most important people in your life were strangers. The man you loved, and your best friend.  

God, you missed them.  

You missed John’s laugh down the phone, or the way his eyes grew heavy after he’d had one too many drinks. You missed the way he’d snuggle into you while hungover or come and see you just so you could sit in a comfortable silence together. He was about to become a father, and there you went piling more stress onto his already heavy load.  

It didn’t bear thinking about how much you missed Dutch. It was too painful to even list the things you loved the most about him, that you knew you’d never get to experience again.  

It was a miracle that your other friends were still speaking to you. The boys had been quiet, siding more so with John but not quite willing to cut you out completely. The girls still got in touch with you regularly, and you weren’t sure what you’d do with yourself if they didn’t.  

Abigail updated you on her pregnancy over the next few weeks, and it was like a knife to the chest at the realisation that you wouldn’t even be able to meet her baby, at least not for a long time.  

She and Karen had been distraught when you announced the news that you weren’t going to attend graduation, but you’d thought it through for long enough. Everyone would be there, family members included. You daren’t even think about how awkward the whole affair would be. Not going was the most sensible thing you could do, and being sensible was at the top of your current list of priorities.  

You’d received a call a week after the party from the job you interviewed for and were offered a place. Without the ability to share the news with those you wanted to hear it most, it’d only made you more depressed.  

It’d taken you a few days to type out the message to John. You started off by saying you were only going to try getting in touch with him this once since you couldn’t bring yourself to ask for his forgiveness; you knew it wasn’t something you deserved. Then, you’d explained how it happened. Sparing him the details, of course, you ran through the timeline of your and Dutch's relationship and gave him the full truth. It felt false and cliché when you started talking about how you hadn’t meant for it to happen, but it was true. To a point. You’d finished off by saying that you would always be there for him, should he ever decide he wanted to interact with you again. Then you clarified that you’d never expect him to and offered him one final apology.  

He’d read it not long after, and you were already prepared for him not to reply, so it wasn’t too much of a bluster when it went unanswered. There was a small, naïve part of you that clung to the possibility that he could, though.  

Graduation was one week away. You wanted it over with, even though you weren’t going, and had planned to take a social media break while everyone posted their smiling photos with relatives and friends.   

Curled up in bed, hiding from the world under your duvet was your most recent pastime as of late, you huffed and shut the book you weren’t able to read. Ever since that day at the Van der Linde’s, you had an awful tension headache that wouldn’t shift no matter what you did. So instead, you shut your eyes, hoping you’d fall into a nap to pass the time.  

After a few minutes, your phone began vibrating and with a tired grunt, you leaned over, becoming instantly more alert at the name that was on your screen.  

John.  

You held the phone in your hands like it would explode if you moved it too harshly, staring at the screen until the call rang out and the vibrating stopped.  

It had to have been an accident. You didn’t want to deal with the awkward scenario of picking up, to be faced with a spluttering John explaining it was a mistake. Then your phone buzzed again, this time with a message.  

Call me when you’re free.  

It was the longest you’d gone without breathing, your body forgetting its most basic survival instinct and going into complete shock. He was finally ready to yell at you, to call you all the names under the sun and explain how badly he wished he’d never met you. You wanted to throw the whole phone away, but he deserved the chance to have a go at you if it’s what he wanted, and you took a deep breath before pressing the call button by his name.  

Time had never moved as slowly as it had during the three rings that elapsed before they stopped, and then John spoke through the phone.  

“Hey.”  

Hearing his voice was enough to make you tear up, but you cleared your throat and willing yourself to remain steady. “Hi.”  

John sighed, and you could only imagine how nauseating it was for him to have to interact with you. “Abigail said you’re not coming to graduation.”  

“No, I’m not.”  

He sighed again, finding his words. “That don’t seem fair.”  

Your eyebrows pulled together, unable to make sense of where this conversation was going. “I don’t reckon I deserve fair,” you said, immediately hearing how self-pitying you sounded. “It’s fine, I don’t want to go anyway.”  

“We both know that’s not true.”  

“It doesn’t matter.” After a beat of silence, your emotions got the better of you. “John, I’m so sorry -”  

“Don’t.” He was stern but softened his voice for his next sentence. “I know we need to talk, but not like this.”  

Unsure what to say, you decided to allow John some room to speak further.  

“Come to graduation. We’re all staying at the house the night before,” you knew that already, just because you didn’t respond in the group chat didn’t mean you weren’t reading the messages, “before we have to pack up and leave.”  

The mere thought of being there with everyone, seeing them all with their families and then seeing Dutch too was enough to send your brain into overdrive. “I can’t.”  

“It won’t be the same without you.”  

You pressed your lips together, hoping to keep your composure just a little while longer. “John, I’m confused. Aren’t you mad at me? Don’t you hate me?”  

“Yes. Mad at you, I mean. I don’t hate you though. Trust me, I tried to,” he sounded reluctant to admit to it. “I’ve had time to think. And I know I’ll regret it if I know I didn’t at least try to get you to come.”  

“You know, I think I’d prefer it if you yelled at me.”  

John laughed mirthlessly. “Part of me wants to, but... it won’t do no good.”  

The silence hung between you, and despite all the things you wanted to say to him, you couldn’t find a single word.  

“Look,” he began. “You still mean a lot to me. You worked hard on this degree and truthfully... I wouldn’t have got mine if it weren’t for you. I want you there with me.”  

You choked, because you didn’t deserve him being so kind and he repeated your name for you to just nod, even though he obviously couldn’t see you. “Sorry,” you whispered, and while it was an apology for your lack of response, you used it as a chance to let out some of the apology hoard you had stored up.  

“Just come, alright? You can leave early if you want. Besides, the others want to see you too.”  

After a shaky breath, you decided it was worth a shot. Even if you went to the house the night before and didn’t attend the ceremony, it was worth a try. You said you’d try to rectify it if you could, and this could be the chance to take the first few steps towards that goal. “Alright. I’ll come.”  

Some of the tension dissipated through the phone, and you waited for John’s response. “Okay. See you next week.”  

Then he hung up.  

After the call ended, your phone navigated to the most recently used app, and you were met with your recent search history, mainly along the lines of can a person run out of tears and is anyone close to inventing time travel yet.  

Had that just happened? You checked the call logs to confirm that yes, it had. John had called you. He hadn’t yelled at you. He hadn’t so much as berated you. He said you meant a lot to him. He said he wanted to talk to you and see you at graduation.  

Holy shit. Your apprehension about not going was immeasurable compared with your apprehension about actually going.  

-

The entire train journey back to university had been spent with you fidgeting, your mind going a million miles an hour at the prospect of what you were about to face.   Karen and Abigail were overjoyed you’d agreed to come, and you had a sneaky suspicion Abigail had played a part in convincing John to get in touch with you, even if she wouldn’t admit it.  

Instead of taking a bus to your rented house like you usually would, you decided to take the walk to stretch your legs, get some fresh air, and prepare yourself for whatever greeted you when you got there.  

But when you did, it still wasn’t enough time. Panic seeped into your veins and your breaths grew short, so you took a seat on the half-wall that acted as a border around your poor excuse for a front garden.   No matter what, you couldn’t still your hands, and reluctantly pulled a cigarette out of the pack that resided in your pocket. You lit it, and once you were halfway done, you heard the front door open behind you.  

You daren’t look around, not wanting to face whoever had caught you wallowing in your guilt.  

But the door clicked shut, and footsteps down the front path preluded John taking a seat beside you.   

“I thought you only smoked casually.”  

“It helps,” you flicked the ash away, not meeting John’s face. “A little.”  

“I see.”  

You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, keeping your gaze fixed on the floor with not a single clue on how to have this conversation.   

“How long you plan on sitting out here?” John asked.  

“Not sure,” you mumbled.  

“You know you can’t stay here forever.”  

After a short nod, you plucked up the courage to shift your gaze from the floor and to John. Your dismal state must’ve shown on your face, as he looked at you pitifully. “It's so fucked up,” you began, the tension needling under your skin. “I know it is, I’m so sorry. Sorrier than I know how to express.”   

“I believe you.”  

Why must he be so calm? Where was the John you knew, the one who’d pick a fight at the first opportunity – the one who’d slammed the door open when he’d caught you in the act? “Just yell at me or something, please. I can’t take it.”  

“Don’t rightly think I can, you looking all forlorn as you are,” he hummed, drumming his fingertips on the wall.  

Your face was already a permanent frown, but you felt it deepen. All you wanted to do was cry, even if that was the only thing you’d done over the past few weeks. It seemed a person couldn’t run out of tears, after all.  

John edged closer, and you immediately shook your head. “No, don’t comfort me, I don’t deserve it.”  

“You always do beat yourself up over stuff,” he scoffed gently.  

“No, John. I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”  

“You don’t gotta keep saying that.”  

“I don’t know what else I can say.”  

He let out a short breath, stretching his neck out. “I do have one question for you.”  

Your nod in response was almost eager, willing to answer anything he asked.  

“Would you take it back if you could?  

“I –” you stopped to take a breath. “Yeah, of course.”  

“Funny.”  

“Why funny?”  

“Dad said he wouldn’t. And he said that’s what he was the sorriest about, that he’d do it all again given the chance.”  

You weren’t sure what to say, your heart clutching to hear such a thing but not wanting to show it on your face. You’d wondered how he’d taken the whole thing, the urge to ask Abigail had been strong but you knew you wouldn’t have been able to bear the answer either way. It didn't bear thinking about how much you missed him.  

“I have another question.”  

“Shoot.”  

“More of a clarification.”  

“Okay.”  

“You really are in love with each other, aren’t you?”  

You swallowed, shaking your head to look at your lap but you weren’t saying no, and John knew that. “It’s... I...” you sighed, having no more lies left in you. You met John’s concerned gaze.  

“It's okay,” he reassured stiffly.  

“No, it’s not okay. Nothing about it is okay. You mean the world to me,” you pressed your lips together to stop them from quivering as tears gathered in your eyes once more. “None of it matters now,” you added dejectedly.  

John shifted beside you, finally taking his gaze away and instead planting it somewhere ahead of him. “I think it does.”  

“What do you mean?” you asked quietly.  

“He’s been... Well, he’s not been good. He’s sorry, to me, but mainly he’s... Heartbroken, I guess. He’s been so happy recently, we’ve all noticed it, and now he’s just... Not.”  

It pained you to hear how hurt he was. Knowing you were the cause of his pain, denying him even a single word turned your stomach even more. “Oh, I’m... Sorry.”  

John sighed. “I want him to be happy. And I want you to be happy. That’s what means the most to me.”  

“I’m sure we’ll both be fine, eventually. Like I said, it’s not important how either of us feel. We did an awful fucking thing, and I guess we both deserve to feel like shit.”  

“That’s just it,” John paused as you stubbed out your cig with your foot, “maybe being happy is what you deserve.”  

You glanced at him, trepidation and anxiety set into his features. He looked so much older, somehow.  

“I’m not saying I’ve forgiven you. Certainly ain’t forgiven him. I’m not saying I’m your biggest fan right now, either. But I just need a bit of time to get used to it. It ain’t worth losing you,” he said pointedly. “You know what my momma said to me, before she passed?”   John seldom spoke of his mother, and your ears perked up at the privilege of being his audience. “She said one day, he was gonna love someone again. Said she knew it was hard to hear, hard to imagine him moving on, but that he wouldn’t be complete if he didn’t have someone to love. He loves love. Just the way he is. She also said it’d take him a good long while, and it did – I ain’t never seen him in a relationship since her. In her eyes, that meant that when he finally did move on, it would be with someone I could trust. She told me when the time came, to trust him. And to trust that the person he chose would be someone who cared for me, someone I could rely on.”  

Your eyes were brimming by that point, but you didn’t want to do him the disservice of looking away while he was being so raw.   

“She was right,” John shrugged.  

“You really look at what I’ve done,” you said hoarsely, fighting away a sob, “as the action of someone who cares for you? John, if I cared about you I would never have even let the thought cross my mind.”  

“Alright,” he nodded, a challenge, “what about everything else you’ve done in the last few years?”  

You blinked at him.  

“What about when you set me up with Abigail? What about when you convinced me to carry on at uni, even though I wanted to drop out? What about all the times you’ve looked after me when I was too drunk to see? What about all those deep chats we had late at night? What about when Abigail said she was keeping the baby, and you stayed up with me half the night until I finally slept?”  

You didn’t have a response for him.  

“I can’t forget all of that,” he said evenly, “even if right now I am mad at you. I know you, I know that you didn’t intend to hurt me with any of this.”  

“When did you get so grown up?” your face scrunched, John’s words a soothing balm over your open wounds.  

“Can’t expect my kid to turn out alright if I’m still acting like one.”  

“Makes sense.”  

“I’m not saying it won’t be weird, but... I can learn to deal with it.”  

You looked at him with mild incredulity, hardly believing the words coming out of his mouth. “You can’t be serious.”  

“I am.”  

Again, your eyes filled up and you couldn’t stop the tears, holding your fingertips under your eyes to catch them.  

John shuffled closer once again and hesitated, but then put his arm around your shoulders, and you didn’t have it in you to resist nestling into his embrace. “Goddamnit woman,” he scoffed, his voice lighter and more familiar, “will you quit crying already?”  

“Can’t help it,” you sniffed.  

John rested his head on top of yours and you squeezed your eyes shut, wondering what you did to deserve such a wonderful friend.  

After a time, when your tears had dried and your breathing regulated, the two of you ventured inside and were greeted with the sight of your four other friends lazing around in the living room.  

You looked at them sheepishly, but they smiled in response, seemingly relieved to see you and John on the way to being on good terms.  

At first, it was uncomfortable. The situation was somewhat of an elephant in the room, but it didn’t seem like anyone was up for bringing up the topic. These were your final days altogether, the last remaining part of your lives that made you students. After this, while you’d remain friends, you’d never be living together all under the same roof again. You didn’t need another excuse to cry, so you didn’t spend any more time chasing that train of thought.  

Eventually, the conversation flowed easier, and it was almost like you were existing in a time months ago, where you hadn’t made any terrible choices and your friends hadn’t found out about them.  

“Still can’t believe we’re meeting your infamous da,” Abigail mocked Sean, who grinned back at her.  

“Oh, he’s excited to meet the lot of you, too. I assured him you weren’t all a pompous bunch.”  

“My dad’s coming too. Hey,” Javier pointed at you, “make sure you don’t fuck him.”  

You glared at Javier, but at the snorts of laughter around the room you couldn’t help but break into a reluctantly amused smirk. “I have no intention of doing such a thing.”  

“Did you have the intention to fuck Mr Van der Linde?”  

“Can we not.”  

Thankfully, even John was laughing, and while you thought the subject was still too tender to poke fun at, you agreed that this may be the easy way of getting it out in the open.  

“Hey,” John said, “part of the deal with you fucking my dad is that we’re allowed to tease you for it.”  

You shrunk into your seat. “I was not aware of that condition.”   

“No? Would you like my permission to be revoked?”  

You huffed, thoroughly left without a leg to stand on. “No. Fine.”  

Denying John the right to hold this over you, likely for the rest of your life, wasn’t something you could do. If he had to pick on you and tease you, then you’d allow it, so long as it meant the two of you could remain friends.  

The six of you settled into a familiar rhythm, laughing and joking until you were all too tired to continue.  

-

When morning came around and you and the girls began getting ready together, your heart tugged at just how much you valued your sisterhood with them. Despite it all, they’d remained your friends, checked up on you, and attempted to provide a sense of normalcy in your life.  

“Are you nervous?” Abigail spoke into the concentrated silence, all three of you working on your makeup.  

You glanced in your propped-up mirror to see her reflection behind you, awaiting a response. “I assume you’re not talking about walking across the stage.”  

She shook her head in the negative.   Given the past few weeks, you’d had enough practice banishing thoughts of Dutch from your mind that you’d grown rather good at it. That had included today, where you’d disallowed yourself to picture the ways your reunion could play out.   

“I suppose I am a little.”  

“Surely you’re excited, though?” Karen added on, sounding rather excited herself.  

“Why would I be?”  

“Well,” she drawled, “you clearly love the man. Ain’t there a part of you eager to be all lovey-dovey with him again?”  

You turned to frown at her face-on, instead of through the reflection in your mirror. “What? No - I’m not going to carry on seeing him.”  

They observed you, puzzled, and Abigail decided on a response.   “But I thought that was what you agreed on, with John?”  

“He said he’d find a way to deal with it. He shouldn’t have to do that,” you turned back to your mirror and continued preening. “I’m not going to start things up with Dutch again,” you lamented.  

They didn’t question it, but you could feel their confusion in the air. You couldn’t blame them. They decided not to probe the subject further.  

Sure, John had said he’d deal with it. He’d said he wanted you both to be happy. But before all that, you vowed to yourself that you’d do anything to have a friendship with him, and would you really be true to your word if you actively extended his discomfort?  

John’s blessing had been music to your ears at first. But being so forgiving was easier said than done – who's to say he wouldn’t grow to resent you, the damage to your friendship being irreparable? It wasn’t a risk you could take.  

-

Thankfully, the ceremony was the first thing on the agenda that day. There were no awkward encounters to be had, and you got to walk across the stage without falling over and receive your degree in relative peace. Again, you’d actively pushed the prospect of seeing Dutch again out of your mind until you were forced to deal with it in real-time.  

But once the ceremony was finished, it was time for everyone to socialise in the sunny courtyard while the graduates took photos with their family and friends, leaving nowhere left for you to hide. Unless...  

Thanks to your newfound habit, you excused yourself once the six of you had taken a group picture, proof that you had in fact been there, and had at least waited a few minutes before running away.  

There was a quiet alley round the side of the main building, the wall of which you leaned up against and brought your newly lit cigarette to your lips. It was nice to decompress, and with all that’d happened in the last twenty-four hours alone, it was nice to have some peace.  

You took your time, eventually lighting a second cigarette and deciding this would not be a healthy habit to keep up.  

“When did you start smoking?”  

That cigarette was nearly choked into your mouth at the baritone of Dutch’s voice, one you hadn’t heard in a longer while than you cared to admit.  

You had to face him at some point, you supposed. At least this wasn’t in front of a whole group of people.  

Slowly, you turned, the man himself coming into view. His hands were casually in his pockets, and as always, his suit was immaculate, and hair perfectly styled. There was one noticeable difference though; he looked tired.  

“Gives me an excuse to escape. Plus,” you shunted the cigarette up a bit, “I miss the taste.” You looked at his lips, the hundreds of drunken kisses the two of you had shared that always had an underlying hint of tobacco. Dutch brushed his fingertips over your hand, and you pulled away, refusing to meet his gaze.   

“Please, I can’t.”  

“Didn’t John speak to you?”  

“Yes, but it doesn’t matter. He’s not okay with it, regardless of what he says.”  

Dutch’s shoulders dropped, and he leaned on the wall opposite you. His gaze was fixed on you, and you eventually met it.  

The two of you looked at each other for a short while, and it was like you could read his mind, and tell him what you were thinking and feeling without saying a single word.  

You missed him, you were sorry, he missed you, he was sorry.  

More than anything, you wanted to wrap your arms around him and never let go, kiss him until your lips ached, and make a home in the crook of his neck.  

“You blocked my number.” It wasn’t a question.  

“I had to,” you took a drag and rolled the cigarette between your fingers once you’d dropped your hand back by your side.  

“Did you really? You couldn’t have at least said goodbye – after all we’ve been through?”  

“Don’t make me feel bad,” your tone came out angered, and you swiftly reeled yourself in. “I couldn’t feel any worse about the whole thing if I tried. There was no other choice, not if I wanted a chance at earning back John’s friendship.”  

“The way I hear it, the two of you are already getting on.”  

“He’s being kind. Kinder than I deserve and we’re a long way off repairing our friendship.”  

Dutch nodded, and it hurt to see the pain that’d made camp on his face.  

“How are things with the two of you?”  

“Long way off,” he echoed. “He didn’t speak to me for a while, but he’s starting to be civil. I’m surprised by him, truth be told.”  

“Why?”  

“He’s been real grown up about it all,” his lips twitched with an unmitigated fondness, “we talked it all out, and he actually listened to my side of it. That’s two of my boys out-manning me, now.”  

“Is Arthur okay?” you asked at the mention of him.  

“Yeah,” he said noncommittally, “not happy with me either, but can’t say I blame him. Especially not after the Molly business.”  

“I did try telling him you weren’t to blame.”  

“I know.” The look he gave you was grateful, and you couldn’t only imagine the grief he’d received from the two men.  

It was surreal to see him standing there. You wondered if you’d even remember this conversation in a week's time, or whether it’d be some lucid recollection you wouldn’t be able to pick out words from.   

“Did you hear back about that interview?”  

You nodded. “They offered me a job.”  

Despite his saddened expression, a glint of pride broke its way through. “Congrats. You’ll do well there, should you decide to take it.”  

“Thanks.” It wasn’t quite the reaction you’d pictured in your mind before all this nasty business, instead, it’d be Dutch pulling you into a boisterous embrace and immediately coming up with a schedule to ensure the two of you saw each other regularly enough.  

His pained eyes glanced down your form and made their way back up to your face. The crease between his brows was permanently etched there now, it seemed.  

“I’m sorry they found out that way,” he said.  

“Me too. I don’t blame you for it.”  

“Please,” he took a hesitant step towards you. “Reconsider. Is it not worth us trying, at least? John’s okay with it -”  

“He is not. He’s only saying that because he feels obliged.”  

“That’s not true, he came to me to talk about it, said he wants us to be together -”  

“Do you not hear how insane that sounds? Why would he want his father and b- friend to be in a relationship?”  

“Sorry to interrupt,” John’s voice broke into your conversation as he strolled over to the pair of you, “but my ears were burning.”  

You both just looked at him, simmering back into your own spaces – it wasn’t a conscious decision to edge closer to Dutch.  

“You’re arguing,” he observed.  

“I -” you sighed, itching your brow, and abandoned your unformed sentence in favour of another drag from your cigarette.  

“This is meant to be a happy day,” Dutch said guiltily.  

“No, I know. I think I should go –”  

“No,” John put a hand on each of your shoulders, stopping you from walking away from the situation. “Look, I’ll be honest, I’m tired of him moping,” he gestured his head towards his father.  

Dutch slipped the cigarette from between your fingers and brought it to his mouth for a long drag. It was like static where his skin had brushed against yours, and your eyes lingered on his lips as he took a drag. He went to hand it back to you, but you shook your head.  

“Keep it.”  

“And I’m tired of you being so hard on yourself,” he narrowed his eyes at you, before looking between you both once more. “You shouldn’t have done what you did. You shouldn’t have gone behind my back for so long.”  

The pair of you glanced at each other, scolded but in agreement with him.  

“But I understand why you did. For the pair of you to do this, to take it this far – it must be something genuine.”  

More genuine than you cared to admit. Being without Dutch was like being without a limb.  

“You deserve the chance to test it out in the open. Ideally,” he huffed in mild amusement, “not too open. I don’t wanna watch you canoodling. But still. You do have my blessing,” he squeezed your shoulder, “and I’m not just saying that. I’ve thought about it, and I mean it.”  

There were no words, so you rested your hand over John’s that was still planted on his shoulder.   

“Thank you, son,” Dutch said, his voice cracking despite his hardened demeanour.  

“Now,” John lightened his tone and the mood, “from what I hear they’re about to open the bar. And I don’t know about either of you but I sure as hell need a drink.”  

“I sure do,” you agreed quietly, and Dutch beckoned for the two of you to proceed, and you all made your way over to the bar.  

-

After John’s talk, you began to settle into the idea of trying again with Dutch. You were still hesitant, but since Dutch had reminded you to unblock his number, he’d messaged you regularly and gently brought you around to the idea.  

So, you’d started talking more frequently, general chitchat and while it wasn’t quite the same, you found yourself valuing his conversation much more than you had previously. Still, you were hesitant to visit him, but Dutch agreed to ease back into the relationship, and going long periods without seeing him wasn’t an alien concept to you considering that’d been the norm for over two years.  

It was only a few more weeks until John messaged the group chat saying Abigail had gone into labour, and he’d sent you a private message saying it might be a good time for you to go to his house, considering nobody would be there and you could have some alone time together.  

Dutch too had messaged you, and you allowed your chest to grow warm at the thought of them colluding to convince you to come round. He’d confirmed the house was empty save for him, Tilly spending half of her summer staying at Arthur and Charles’ place.  

You decided to bite the bullet and agreed, getting the train that same day before you had a chance to chicken out. Unsurprisingly, Dutch stood firm in his decision to pick you up from the station.  

The car journey to his house had been quiet, the two of you not knowing where you stood or how to approach the situation. Arriving at his house and seeing the big stone driveway was enough to make your heartbeat quicken, the memory of your last visit resurfacing.   

Dutch had made you a hot drink, and the two of you were sat outside in the late evening summer sun, thankful for the chirping birds that filled the silence.   

“If you’re uncomfortable, please tell me. I’ll take you home, and I won’t be offended,” he said gently.  

“I’m not uncomfortable,” you settled him, “it’s just a little strange as all. Didn't think I'd ever be here again.”  

After a long sigh, Dutch shifted in his seat, angling himself towards you as though he had a secret he wanted only you to hear. “I have a plan.”  

You raised your eyebrows at him. “A plan for what?”  

“Making you a little more comfortable.”  

“Let’s hear it.”  

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a blunt.  

You couldn’t resist laughing, looking at him in shock. “You want to get high?”  

“Why not?”  

“Because,” you began, though no reason came to mind why you shouldn’t. “Because - is that a good idea?”  

“Course. Might help us loosen up a little.” His charming smile made you feel all fuzzy – his under eyes were less dark than when you’d seen him last and he looked overall more like himself. He was dressed down in a t-shirt and jeans, and you were appreciative of the delightful view of those hairy forearms of his.  

“I didn’t even know you got high.”  

“Where do you think John gets it?”  

“You sell drugs?” your face shifted from shocked to understanding, “no wonder you’re so rich.”  

“I do not sell drugs.”  

“No. Just to your son?”  

“No, I don’t want him buying overpriced shit from some sketchy dealer. If he’s going to do drugs, he’s going to at least do good drugs. Besides, I don’t support the criminalisation of it.”  

“Right,” you laughed, not wanting to spur him onto his well-worn soap box. “Well then,” you plucked it from his fingers to rest it between your teeth and reached into his pocket where you knew he kept his lighter, relishing in the tensing of his thighs, and flicked it on to light the end of the joint. “Let us not waste any time.”  

You blew out the smoke and handed it to him, his face looking close to boyish with his grin in response. “I like your attitude.” Dutch took an inhale of his own, and either you really did have a thing for guys when they smoked or this was some strong stuff, because you began to feel all tingly.  

Relaxing back on the bench, you took in the view of the garden and tipped your head back, allowing the sun to graze over your face. “I have missed being here.”  

“I’ve missed having you here,” Dutch said, and you cracked an eye open at him, to see him observing you fondly. “I’m glad, in a way.”  

“About what?”  

“It happening the way it did.”  

“Why?”  

“We don’t have to hide it any longer,” he rested his arm on the bench behind you, “the sneaking around was growing tiresome.”  

“I suppose,” you took the blunt from him and brought it to your lips. “Still, not sure I’ll ever recover from that look on John’s face.”  

“Let’s not go back there right now. I’ve spent too much time in that space recently.”  

You handed the joint back to him thoughtfully. “Has your mental health been okay?”  

Dutch chuckled knowingly. “It has not. Thankfully, I’ve learnt to recognise the unhealthy thought patterns, and I was on a higher dose of medication for a while.”  

“You’re not now?”  

“No,” he shook his head, blowing out the smoke. “After John’s talk, after I could speak to you again – it all calmed down.”  

“I see. I’m sorry you were suffering.”  

“That’s alright,” he shrugged, passing the joint over to you. Dutch was going to say something else when your phone buzzed, and you pulled it from your pocket, expression brightening at what greeted you on the screen.  

“Congratulations are in order,” you tilted the screen towards him, and he looked over your shoulder at the photo of a baby clutched in Abigail’s arms with John leaning over, a tired grin on his face.  

Dutch’s face softened into excitement, and he took his reading glasses from his pocket to place them on his face and get a better look. “Oh my, look at that.”  

Another photo came through, a close-up of the baby accompanied by a message from John sent to the group chat.  

Jack’s here. Abigail had a tough delivery, but she was great, and we now officially have a healthy son. Can’t wait for you all to meet him.  

Very to the point, and very on-brand for John. “Jack,” you crooned, “that’s lovely.”  

Dutch patted his pocket, scoffing. “My phone’s in the kitchen, let me go text him.”  

“You remember the weed, but not your phone while your grandson is being born?”  

“Oh hush,” he muttered as he walked into the house.  

He returned a few minutes later, while you’d messaged your congratulations along with the rest of your friends.  

“How’s it feel to be a grandfather?”  

“Good, oddly enough,” Dutch settled beside you, noticeably closer than he had been previously, but you didn’t mind. He took the joint from you and had a couple of drags.  

“He’s gorgeous,” you smiled, and the two of you settled into a rhythm of smoking and chatting while the sun bathed you in its rays.   

It was a lovely evening, and it wasn’t long before the joint was burnt out and you’d slowly slipped to be nestled into Dutch’s side, his head resting on yours and fingertips running over your palm.   The two of you remained like that, fully relaxed and happy just to be near each other, the odd shift in position the only thing to break the peaceful silence.  

The movement of Dutch’s fingers had transmuted to the brushing of his palm up your arm, and you tilted your head to look at him. His hands felt so good, so firm and warm, his rings leaving a cool trail in their wake.  

He glanced down at you, face content, and you couldn’t help but admire how gorgeous he was.  

“I’m hungry.”  

“I can order -”  

You cupped his jaw and attached your lips to his, not sure you could wait a single moment longer. The two of you still hadn’t shared a kiss since you’d arrived, and the weeks of longing to have his lips on yours had been agonising.   

“Oh,” he said once you’d pulled away.   

You laughed softly, edging closer despite already being pressed up against him. His eyes had already grown hungry too, and you realised you weren’t hungry at all. You were ravenous.  

The two of you demanded the next kiss at the same time, one not nearly enough to make up for all those you’d missed out on. He gripped your waist, and you twisted your hand into the collar of his shirt, the two of you not willing to part with the taste of each other's mouths.   

“Darlin’,” he breathed when you both finally surfaced for air, and you touched the tip of your nose to his. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed that.”  

“Believe me,” you pecked the corner of his mouth, “I do.”  

He ran a hand over your hair and tilted his head when your expression turned devious. “Do I even want to ask?”  

You shook your head and stood, leaving him still leaning forward where your body was now absent. “I’d rather show.”  

With that you walked into the house, Dutch’s rushed and uneven footsteps soon following behind.  

“What are we doing?” he said, excited, as you led him towards the study.  

Once there, you sat on his desk and parted your legs. “I believe we have some unfinished business.”  

“Oh,” he smirked and stopped in his tracks, running a hand through his hair and visibly less rigid thanks to the herbs in his system.   

His eyes were fixed on the spot between your thighs as he stalked towards you, reaching his hands out and gripping your thighs once he was close enough, pulling them even further apart and growling from his chest as he nestled his crotch between them. You bit down on your lip when you felt how hard he was, becoming acutely aware of how much wetter you were than usual, likely a mix of your heightened senses and the given circumstance.  

“I do admire your thoroughness, miss,” he murmured into your ear, trailing his lips over your lobe and down your neck.  

You sighed weakly into the air and let your eyes fall shut, thighs attempting to tighten around him, but his grip was like iron as he kept your thighs in place. Then his lips were gone, and you opened your eyes to see that he was too. You looked down to find him knelt between your legs. “Thirsty?” you teased, and he grinned up at you, black pupils taking up almost all of his iris’.   

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” he pushed the material of the dress up your legs and nuzzled his nose into your mound. “I do love you in a summer dress,” he murmured, and you could feel the vibrations from his baritone.  

Dutch chuckled at your feeble attempt of pushing your hips closer to him, not relenting with his grip.   

“Don’t worry sweet girl, I don’t have it in me to tease you right now.”  

There was no time to answer before his mouth was on you, pressing over the wet material of your underwear. Dutch licked up your slit, tangling his tongue with the fabric and you whined, placing your hands behind you on the cool wood of his desk.   

“That’s it,” he said, taking your underwear between his teeth to move it to the side, “let me hear you.”  

You glanced down at him, the infatuation plain on his face as he stared at your dripping pussy. “What happened to not teasing me?”  

“This is not teasing. Do you want to see teasing?”  

“Dutch,” you warned, and he could hear the seriousness filter through your playful tone.  

“Not tonight,” he decided, and dived right into his favourite meal.  

Dutch kissed and sucked your skin, the responsiveness of your pussy providing him with more hydration than he could manage to take in, but he appeared up for the challenge. Gentle flicks of his tongue over your clit turned into a deep drag of it over your inner walls and you gasped his name repeatedly as he thoroughly lavished you with his tongue.  

Your ecstatic orgasm came around fast, and you were sure you didn’t breathe for a minute straight as he drank up all you could give him. His hands had you trapped in place so you were powerless to buck your hips and instead had to let it all go right there, and Dutch was panting when he removed his mouth from you.  

“Du -”  

He pulled you into a kiss by the back of your neck, using his other hand to undo his jeans and shuck them down far enough to pull out his cock and ease into your accommodating cunt.  

“Good lord,” he groaned, unable to focus on kissing you as your walls tensed, begging for his cock to never leave the home it found itself nestled in. “I never,” he gripped your chin between his thumb and forefinger once he’d pulled himself together, “want to go so long without your pussy again.”  

“Deal,” you kissed him, spotting the small window of opportunity while he was distracted to pull your legs from his grip and wrap them around his hips, coaxing him even further in and he let out a pained whimper.   

His hands grabbed the swell of either side of your ass, experimentally offering a few slight thrusts, but the sensation was enough to drive you wild. His thick cock felt perfect, and you mused whether that was the extra limb you’d been missing all this time.    

The small thrusts turned to longer, languid ones that had you whining, Dutch obsessive with the way he clung to your body and began fucking you stupid.  

Nothing else mattered aside from the euphoric pleasure racing through your body, being drilled into and marked by Dutch in what you assumed was every way he could think of. Nips to your collarbones, fingertips digging into your flesh, pussy fucked so deeply the skin felt raw. You didn’t care. The two of you were together again, and as was always the case when you fell into each other’s arms, the world was right again.  

“Shit,” Dutch grunted, blinking his eyes tightly as he watched himself disappear into you at a reckless pace, now not the time for tender loving. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pressing your nose against his neck and breathing in the sheen of sweat on his skin. He was being greedy, his brain chasing one thing, the only thing that mattered at that moment. “It’s like you were made for me,” he began to babble to himself, and you knew he was close, so you held your own approaching orgasm until he was ready, “you’re so perfect, s-so fucking -”  

Even words began to fail him as your body overtook every one of his thoughts, and that was a sentiment you shared as he fucked you deep and you cried out Dutch, because what other words were there?  

He came hard, leaking into you as he pressed his hips forward, the desk jolting with the motion and you allowed your release to finally come too. His hands searched for an anchor, landing on the small of your back as he held you to him until he was completely empty.  

The air around the two of you hummed, your bodies becoming soft and pliant at the familiar comfort of having your arms wrapped around each other. Eventually, each of you inched away to get a good look at the other.  

Dutch’s eyelids were heavy, lips still shining with the remnants of you, and his hair had fallen around his face. He took in the view of you too and relaxed into a content smile, leaning forward to press his lips to yours, a tender act considering how hard he’d just defiled you. Neither of you had anything to say that would surmount the feelings you were experiencing in that moment.  

So, you remained silent, breathing in one another until you were finally ready to face him pulling out.  

As he tidied himself up, you leaned back on his desk and glanced to the side of his desk, noticing a picture frame. You took it in your hands and laughed minimally at the subject of the photo. “I can’t believe you have a picture of me here but not John.”  

Despite the situation, Dutch'd made sure you get a photo with you at your graduation, you not realising he’d intended for it to take pride of place on his (now tainted) desk.  

“I look better in this photo,” he said matter-of-factly. His expression softened when you raised your brows in questioning. “Or, perhaps you just make me look good.”  

You shook your head, for him to shrug himself of judgement and join you in admiring the photo after he’d planted a kiss on your forehead.  

It was true; you did look good together.  

-

You’d intended to only stay at Dutch’s for a few days but found yourself not wanting to leave his side. In the end, you’d gone home for a single night to grab more stuff and made your way back to him first thing the next morning.  

The day finally came when Abigail and John returned, and you watched them from the window as they made their way up the driveway, a carrier in hand. Dutch’d been fretting about the nursery – which the blue spare room had been turned into, and you were glad you hadn’t needed to part with ‘your’ room even if you did stay in Dutch’s - and whether it had everything it needed, despite already buying far too much stuff. Little Jack was surely going to be spoilt.   

While you were overjoyed to get to spend so much time with the baby, Abigail and John were also happy to have you and Dutch on hand to take over when they needed a break, you ended up returning home for a time after being there for a couple of weeks, the start date at your new job just around the corner.  

Since you spent the majority of your time working from home, it didn’t matter whether you stayed at your house or Dutch’s. Not wanting to rush too much into your relationship, or crowd the new family under the roof, you and Dutch agreed to a few nights a week at his place, then you'd spend the rest of it at yours. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t attempt to convince you to stay one extra night every time you had to leave, though.  

Being around John while staying with his father had been awkward at first. But soon, as with all change, it became the new normal. It was nice, really, having him and Abigail so close by. It hadn’t taken long for Jack to become your favourite member of the family.  

It was a few months down the line, and the Van der Linde house was full. John had worked through his nerves, but having family on hand, he’d begun taking fatherhood in his stride. He’d been grateful for you too, and you couldn’t deny that you were secretly pleased about having the advantage of the chance to be Jack’s favourite Auntie, aside from Tilly of course.  

You were all in the garden after Dutch’d done a small barbeque, you stood by the table bobbing little Jack in your arms. “I do love being an auntie,” you expressed to the group, infatuated with the baby’s gorgeous cheeks.  

Abigail turned to you; her face pensive. “Wouldn’t you be his step-grandma?”  

Not that you’d expected anything less, but even Abigail had taken to the now-popular hobby of teasing you. Somehow, even Dutch had gotten in on the action. He snickered, John’s laugh echoing from the kitchen (his selective hearing was truly a wonder) before he walked outside and gave Abigail a proud kiss on the head.   

“Isn’t your momma just the funniest?” you said down to Jack, after taking an offended pause.  

She grinned at you, and you couldn’t help but return the smile.  

Eventually, you’d parted with your nephew (no, he was not your step-grandson no matter what anyone said) and began taking the plates into the kitchen, loading them up into the dishwasher.   

Dutch seized the opportunity to pat your ass as you were bent down, and you scoffed at him. “Perv.”  

He laughed easily, bringing in the cutlery and loading it in himself. After you’d turned on the washing machine, you both took to watching the small family through the window, sitting on a mat on the grass and marvelling at Jack who’d recently learnt how to roll over.  

“Now that kid will be a genius,” hummed Dutch, and you tutted at him.  

“Will you leave the poor boy alone before you start locking him up with the books?”  

Dutch ran his hands around your waist, holding you comfortably from behind, his warm and inviting torso a perfect cushion for your back. “I’ve half a mind to lock you up.”  

“Oh, I’m sorry – do I not allocate enough time to you?” you quipped, and he chuckled into your hair.  

“Not nearly enough to satiate me.”  

You tsked through your teeth, resting your hands on top of his.  

“I’m serious,” he added, and you glanced round to catch his eye.  

“Oh, come on, what now?”  

“I’ve been thinking...”  

“I’ve learnt to view that sentence as a warning.”  

Dutch’s eyes crinkled with his amusement, and he placed a kiss on your temple. “All I’m saying is I would love to have you here permanently. I say it not as a demand, not for something to do right now, but something to let brew in that wonderful mind of yours.”  

“And you say I’m the one always jumping to the next step,” you kissed him sweetly, and he tightened his hold around you as you looked back out the window.  

“It’s a mere suggestion, darlin’. Something for you to ponder when you find yourself bored.”  

All you could do was smirk, this irrevocably charming man always willing to prove his need to have, which you’d deduced was just another name for a more potent form of desire; a thing he seemed to have in bucket-loads for you. You rested your head back against him, revelling in the promise of comfort and belonging that kept you company whenever you found yourself in his arms.  

“Whatever you say, Mr Van der Linde.”  

a/n: hopefully none of you need the reminder but pls don't fuck your best friend's dad, author does not condone it. also I know Dutch would probably be an absolute nightmare on weed given his paranoia, but in this universe that’s not a thing because I don't want it to be :)

[babblingbookends]

20 questions for fic writers

Okay so hopefully I found all the people who tagged me in this game, thank you to @fleur-de-violette @goldenraeofsun and @wildsofmarch for the tag! (If you tagged me and I didn't see it, thanks to you too!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Thirty-eight! I didn't realize there were so many.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

50,029. A respectable number, but could be better

3. What fandoms do you write for?

DC Comics, but mostly Batman. I pretty much exclusively write fics for DC Comics, with the majority being Batman and Batfam-related comics. I have one single fic for another fandom, and that fandom is Avatar: The Last Airbender.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Tim Drake (Doesn't) Drink Coffee, which is also my first fic! It currently has 990 kudos

Do You Need Another Box of Tissues? which beats the next fic by 1 kudo, sitting at 242 kudos

Hypnogogic Jerks and Other Body Quirks is still one of my favorite titles! It has 241 kudos (update: I double checked before posting this and it now has 242 kudos, tying it for second place

Batman vs. Bridezilla has an even 200 kudos

And number five is Isern, which I'm a little shocked by considering it's currently my most recent fic. It has 156 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! I don't get a lot of comments, so it doesn't usually take me long to get through them, but I do tend to let them build up a bit before I answer them.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uhh good question. You're Just A Baby, You Can Not Fly is angst the whole way through, so maybe that one

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Realizing now that a lot of my fics are either angst or smut, soooo there's happy endings in most of the smut fics teehee. But also this one, Soda Pop, is sweet the whole way through.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I'm fortunate enough that so far, I have not! I don't feel like I'm big enough to get hate

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! Not sure how to describe what kind, but I've touched on a lot of smut things. This may be TMI, but I really like writing sex that also involves pain, I think it works so well with the Batfams gestures wildly everything.

10. Do you write crossovers?

No. I'm not opposed to the idea but it sounds too complicated for my writing tastes

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I've noticed or been told about

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of! I would love to have it happen though

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! I think it sounds fun but collaboration scares me sometimes because what if. what if I'm actually stupid. and my co-writer hates everything I come up with. Horrible thought

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

My all-time favorite is a tough one to choose butttt I really like Wonderbat from Justice League Unlimited. Niche, I know, but it was my childhood ship and holds a special place in my heart. Never actually written something for it though!

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

Hoooooo-boy, I recently abandoned a buuuuunch of wips in my wip folder because I had named them random, unimaginative stuff, and simply didn't have the mental energy to go through them and see what was in them and rename them so I just put them all in a folder and started fresh. However, in that folder was another folder where I had a series planned based around Jason and a bunch of members of the Batfam. Each fic would have chapters from Jason's POV and another character. The first fic was Jason and Tim solving a missing persons case. I think Barbara's was them, like, getting trapped in a mall by the Joker, and I vaguely remember that Dick's took place in New York City.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have no idea. Maybe my descriptions of stuff? I really like describing things in unexpected ways and trying to pull emotion into them. No idea if other people like it though!

17: What are your writing weaknesses?

I always feel like my flow is really bad. Like some places feel really slow and some places feel too rushed, if that makes sense. I also think that when I'm writing a character I always make the character feel a bit too distant, like I'm just describing what's happening to them instead of making the reader feel what's happening to them.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Well you see, I have this bad habit of thinking I can just learn an entire language in an afternoon, which means that no writing actually gets done. So unless it's something I can a. easily translate from a dictionary (so a single word or a simple, common phrase) or b. ask one of my international friends to translate for me, I usually find another way to say it without using the actual language. Maybe sticking the words in italics, or the old classic "he said something in Russian".

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

Batman! As I said above, my first fic was Tim Drake (Doesn't) Drink Coffee. Before that I only wrote original stories.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

All these questions about fics when I don't remember anything about any fic I've ever written XD.

Probably either Gotham Roulette or Clock-Beat, Heart-Beat. Based off of popularity, Gotham Roulette is one of my least popular, but I still like it, it was so dramatic. And Clock-Beat was really fun to write, it's about the Batfam from the perspective of a clock.

And that's that!

Tagging @cephalog0d, @adelfie, @nelson-and-murdock, and whoever else wants to play!

[youtastelike-sunlight]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, and 25 for the tattoo asks! Thanks! 🤪✌️

Katey for the love of god just tell me you want a video call where I strip down and show off my ink 🤣

(Also, the number of times I checked this list absolutely convinced you would have skipped ONE for the lulz)

1. How many tattoos do you have?

Uh. Somewhere around 35-ish? There's been a lot of, like, building out on existing ones and making them cohesive, so it's really hard to say. 40-50 sessions in the chair, for sure.

2. What is your favourite tattoo you've gotten?

Stop asking pansexual ADHDers to pick favourites. Actually, speaking of, that joke on Dropout's Breaking News a few weeks ago about how Dropout fans are "pansexual nerds with drama mask tattoos and anxiety disorders" called me the fuck out, four for four baby, so maybe right now it's my drama masks with a Shakespeare quote 😅

3. What is the most meaningful tattoo you've gotten?

Any of the multiple memorial tattoos for deceased family members, or the matching tattoo I got with my spouse after our wedding

4. What is your dream tattoo?

I'm hoping to get something cool on my chest post-top surgery, but that's a long-ass way away yet.

5. What was the most painful tattoo?

I fully used numbing cream when I got my inner thigh tattooed, but I missed a spot. Ask me how I realised.

Also my knuckles, jfc. Fully cussed my tattoo guy out for that one, it was his idea to extend the design down to cover a couple of knuckles in the first place lmfao.

6. What was your first ever tattoo and how old were you when you got it?

My uncle's initials after he died when I was 17. I had this deal with my mum that I could get all the facial piercings I wanted, dye my hair all the batshit colours I wanted, as long as I didn't get a tattoo until I turned 18. And I'm grateful for that, because I wanted some tacky-ass shit at 15-16. But we negotiated for the one at 17, which there was little to no chance of me regretting.

7. What is your most recent tattoo?

An envelope with a piece of paper coming out of it that says "wish you were queer xo" for a flash day fundraiser for RainbowYOUTH.

8. What does your family think about your tattoos?

My mum is fucking petrified of needles, so her objection isn't to the permanent ink on my skin so much as willingly subjecting myself to being stabbed lmao. I hid them from my paternal grandparents until my wedding day and then said 'fuck it they can't yell at me today!' and they have never, ever mentioned them since. My maternal grandmother hated my first few, offered to pay to get them laser removed when I was at about 4 or 5, then begrudgingly acknowledged that some of them weren't terrible, and when she went into hospice in 2017 she gave me a list of the sorts of things she wanted included in her memorial tattoo 🤣

9. What meaning do your tattoos have?

Everything from very personal connections/memories/experiences in the memorial tattoos down to "I rolled three dice and got three words and the artist designed something based on that and slapped it on my body", and everything in between.

10. How many tattoos do you want?

As many as I have good ideas.

11. Where is the most painful place you've been tattooed?

Is this a different question to #5?

I will say - back of calf tattoos are surprisingly difficult. Not the MOST painful place, but probably the longest I've been really genuinely uncomfortable? (Though, again, sans numbing cream on my inner thigh this would be a VERY different convo)

12. Where is a place on your body that you will NEVER get tattooed?

I dunno... butthole? Eyeball?

I'm unlikely to do a face tattoo, but who knows, really.

13. What is a design you love on others but would never get for yourself?

I can't think of a specific design!

14. What is your favourite style of tattoo?

New School, for sure. Though I have a bit of nearly everything 🤣

15. Would you trust a friend to choose the design of your tattoo?

Depends on the friend. Katey, you will not be designing a Fiona/Dragon tattoo for me, soz.

16. What are some tattoo assumptions you think need to die?

That having ever gotten a tattoo in the past means you have a ton of disposable income now (the amount of "omg they're on a benefit but they have tattoos" I've heard from dipshits how the fuck do you think tattoos work?????), that it's not a valid and fucking impressive form of artwork.

17. Do you have one tattoo artist who does all of your art or a stand out tattoo artist? Hype them up!

These days I do! Only since I moved back to my current city in 2017, though, so a lot of my older stuff is by other artists. His name's Steve, he's a fucking delight, every day I'm in his chair is a fucking party. When my grandad died I just booked him out for the day and chatted to him about my grandad for the morning until inspo struck him and then he turned his iPad around with the loveliest design on it.

18. Is there any artist you would love to get work done by? Tell us about them!

There are lots of incredible artists out there, but I don't think I have, like, one bucket list person.

19. What is your worst tattoo experience?

I had an apprentice go too deep on my pansexual tattoo and I still have a bit of raised scar tissue there lmao

20. What has been your best tattoo experience?

Getting my grandmother's memorial tattoo designed and tattooed. Per #8 I went in with a bit of a chaotic list and what the artist put together was just fucking stunning. It's my whole upper arm and every single element of it has really personal meaning.

21. Do you have any matching tattoos with people?

Yep! My spouse and I got matching Doctor Who tattoos after our wedding. I'm a DW fan of old, got my spouse into the show after we got together, and we had a reference in our ceremony but without discussing it, we'd both put references in our individual vows as well lmao.

I also have a few like... standard tattoos, for lack of a better word? As well as a few flash sheet designs. So I definitely have matching tattoos with strangers 🤣

22. What is your opinion on face tattoos?

Follow your bliss, babes, but you know the society we live in and you're accepting the potential bullshit. (I have hand tattoos!! I'm not saying it's RIGHT I'm saying it IS.)

23. Do you think tattoos make people look less professional?

No, but I know people think they do. Where's that tweet about how tattoos make you perfect for corporate culture because it shows you can sit through the most painful bullshit and that's every corporate meeting ever?

24. Post a picture of your favourite tattoo.

It me, the Dropout fan.

25. Give us a tattoo tour!

Katey I will absolutely get booted off tumblr if I do that.

[tattoo asks... except katey's already asked them all so]

[pusheenhat]

Backlog Review: Later Alligator

Later Alligator somewhat swerved me. I understood the idea of the plot going in, but I thought this was going to be closer to a traditional point n click game. Later Alligator is closer to a mini game collection placed on top of the idea of a point n click game. Maybe if I'd done a little more investigatoring on the Steam Page I would've understood that. Not like it makes any difference, Later Alligator is really a lovely, funny, comfy, and breezy good time. To contrast it with Say NO! More, which had 1 joke that it ran with the whole time. Later Alligator has a number of different jokes, placed over the shell of the joke of Alligator New York City. There are so many charming characters in this game. Every time you meet a member of Alligator New York City it will be memorable. Each resident carries their own mini game for you to complete to progress the time of the story. Some of these are big hits, like Goro Majima Gator. Some of them less so, but nothing ever becomes more tiresome than the time taken to complete them. Pat is an amazing lead and a joy to be around. He's so perfectly cute and naive. We definitely need to protect Pat. Every time he called me back to the hotel I couldn't find it in me to be upset that he was interrupting my minigaming. I'm a minigame apologist, among my friends I think there's a perception that minigames are an obligation in most games that include them and would be better left out. I personally enjoy having a new little thing to do for a minute and Later Alligator delivers. If I remember correctly there are upwards of 30 minigames to take part in. Each only takes about a minute or so most of the time so you can take a quick stop in 3 card monty, and move onto a claw machine game, and before you know it you're 10 minigames deep and you haven't noticed. If you're in the mood to just listen to some goofy alligator puns and play some minigames there really is no better place to go than Later Alligator. This gets a large recommendation from me if this sounds at all interesting to you. The jokes and characters are extremely charming, the minigames are fun, and the story is endearing.

[amalthiaph]

top 10 favourite star wars characters?

TYSM for the Ask! <3

1. Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader

I love him, like the entire journey; from the small boy in Tatooine to the evil dark lord who slays on dark hallways (both literally and figuratively). The thing about him is I can't really decide whether he's good or bad, he really is in the gray area. While I don't support genocide, I understand his choices (like Tech said, understanding doesn't mean supporting) because he was just 22, faced with fatherhood on a secret marriage, if I were on his place, I would try to go with what I think is the only option.

2. Obi-Wan Kenobi

Need I say more?

3. Luke Skywalker

Because I think it's a cardinal sin to hate him. That and the fact that he will always see the good in people do things to my little heart. And Mark Hamill is handsome.

4. Alexsandr Kallus

I started off despising this man. I think he's too arrogant for someone on mutton chops. But thanks to The Honorable Ones until Zero Hour, he immediately skipped the ranks and jumped to my number 4 spot. And for so long I've wondered why I like him so much and it was until recently that I realized that we kinda had the same story.

I, too, once supported a government that was brutal, dishonest, corrupt and overall unpleasant. I was fooled with the promise of "change" which I discovered was just a false promise to carry out aforementioned atrocities. It was until I had a talk with someone who showed me the truth, and from then on, I switched sides, because once your eyes had witnessed the truth, it'd be a sin to look away.

And I became part of the opposition party; we rallied for a better future, fueled with hope, like all rebellions are.

5. Hera Syndulla

Aside from the fact that I wanna be a Twi'lek, Hera is an excellent pilot. And the fact that she accomplished all that while NOT being force sensitive is the cherry on top.

6. Leia Organa

Somebody has to save their skins. And it was this princess, whose first response is telling someone they're too short for a Stormtrooper. I love how she slayed that gold bikini and how she slayed IN THAT bikini. I understand that it was an attempt to reduce her to an eye candy, but this is THE Princess Leia, we're not having that here.

7. Ahsoka Tano

Okay, so first of all, I really love her design. There's something about those lekku, especially the ones in Rebels, that just gets to me. I kinda see her as a counterpart to Anakin, only that she is not as intense (in THAT context). Her being 'not a Jedi' for me is helpful to her character, that she can do what she thinks is right without being bound by centuries-old lessons or rules that are not really that nice.

8. The Bad Batch and Omega

So I'm gonna cheat on this one because I see them as JUST ONE UNIT. Like teams in League of Legends, they're incomplete without the other so for this list, I'm considering them as one.

I love their dynamic and design so much, and as I had mentioned, every single member is just as important as the other. They're interactive. And their individual journeys as they parted ways is what made them (and the series) interesting. I know there had been a divide in the fandom where one part hate one character and the other part hate the other character but I don't do that. The thing is I understand the writers. So, I understand that in the sense of needing to make a story interesting, there HAD TO be differences in choices. Basically, their choices, though I don't agree but understand the other, are necessary to keep the story going.

And as characters, I like them because as much as they're correlated or dependent, they're still their own person.

9. Chopper

He's got a higher body count than Darth Vader himself.

10. Chewbacca

He's such a cinnamon roll. Because if he isn't, there'd be a long line of people with their arms ripped off and Star Wars would be Rated M and not available to a general audience. So we should thank him for being so nice.

[randomvarious]

Stories - "Brother Louie" GoodNoise Compilations Number Ones (1970-1974) Song released in 1974. Compilation released in 1998. Pop-Rock / R&B

Plays: 4.385M on Spotify // Too many to add up on YouTube 😅

Stories was a one-hit wonder band from New York City that gave the US "Brother Louie," a song that managed to top Billboard's Hot 100 chart for a brief couple weeks in 1973, and then failed to follow up with anything that resembled the lightning in a bottle that they had originally caught with it. They were founded by a pair of guys whose fathers had been professional violinist chums for a long time and who had decided to finally introduce their sons to each other.

Keyboardist Michael Brown had actually found a good deal of success before meeting lead vocalist and bassist Ian Lloyd, though, with a pair of top-20 hits from his baroque pop band The Left Banke in '66 and '67. "Walk Away Renee" went to #5 and "Pretty Ballerina" went to #15. And Lloyd himself had managed to cut a promo 7-inch on United Artists Records in '66 too, under the moniker Lloyd London. Once they decided that they wanted to form a Beatles-type band, though, they brought in two other guys to fill out the group: guitarist Steve Love and drummer Bryan Madey.

Stories' 1972 self-titled debut LP on Kama Sutra Records wound up faring okay. It peaked at #182 on the Billboard 200 album chart and it landed a single just outside the top 40 with "I'm Coming Home."

But the second album, About Us, produced by superstar record producer Eddie Kramer, actually did worse. And after its release, Michael Brown abruptly quit the band to go do something else. But soon after his departure, the group came up with "Brother Louie."

Now, if you've ever found it awkward that a band of white dudes would make a song whose titular character is a white guy with the earned nickname of "Brother Louie" because he's dating a black woman, it's because this song isn't actually originally by Stories. The first version is actually by black UK funk and soul band Hot Chocolate, who scored a top-10 hit with "Brother Louie" back home, but didn't chart across the pond with it at all. And a couple years later they'd make their indelible contribution to the 70s global pop music canon, with the sugar-catchy and sleekly dreamy absurdity that is "You Sexy Thing."

But while Hot Chocolate's version came with a deeper shade of funk to it, as well as a much deeper and gruffer lead vocal, Stories' take loaded itself up with dramatic, cinematic strings, rock guitar, a little piano, wavy rubber-band keyboard funk, and Ian Lloyd's own cartoonish, scratch-passionate high pitch. And despite not being attached to a forthcoming album, the single still managed to rise to #1 in the US. And just how Hot Chocolate's version didn't make a showing in the States, neither did Stories' cover over in the UK.

But the immediate US success of Stories' version ended up generating a significant amount of interest in the band. So, with re-pressings of the failed About Us, they tacked on "Brother Louie" at the end, sometimes even just stuffing a 45 of it inside the sleeve to go along with the LP itself. And then, on the sole strength of "Brother Louie," About Us managed to rise from a total commercial failure to a very respectable #28 on the 200 album chart.

So, it's funny that the band sheds its most famous and successful member, Michael Brown, and then achieves a top spot on the Hot 100 immediately after his departure anyway, which is something Brown never managed to accomplish himself. Not necessarily saying that one thing caused the other, because I really just don't know, but it's definitely interesting that it happened in the first place!

And another thing of note is how, by 1973, the US was able to accept a song like this about an interracial couple and help it reach  #1; because just six years prior, some radio stations, including a massive one like Chicago's WLS, had refused to play Janis Ian's debut single, "Society's Child," which also dealt with the topic of a scorned interracial couple. That song was a huge hit in some cities, but because a bunch of stations still opted to not play it, it only made it to #14 on the national Hot 100. However, Stories' version of "Brother Louie" didn't end up encountering those same obstacles, so I think that indicates a marker of societal progress, especially since it managed its way to becoming the top song in the entire country.

But Stories wasn't able to make another notable hit after "Brother Louie." "Mammy Blue," a cover of a French song that has absolutely nothing to do with the derogatory term for an enslaved black woman in the antebellum south, went to #50 in 1973; "It Feels Good" went to #88 in 1974, and then "Another Love," which contained controversial lyrics about bisexuality, didn't manage to chart at all. And apparently, its lyrical content played a role in its overall lack of success. So, the hurdles of singing successfully about straight interracial couples had been cleared, but a song about bisexuality still appeared to be a bridge too far for the US at that time. And then the following year, Stories decided to split up for good.

Although it was a song by white guys who were doing a cover of black guys, and, as a result, made the lyrics feel a little bit weird, Stories' version of "Brother Louie" was still a great, catchy, and also important hit that showed what the US was generally willing to accept in its pop music in 1973. A small mark of societal progress and a nice triumph for this ultimate one-hit wonder to score their sole smash. But their final single showed that we still had a hell of a way long way to go 😕.

[beccalendsahand]

I posted 63 times in 2022

11 posts created (17%)

52 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lunarharp

@fayegumi

@chocopetite

@ihateornithologists

@royalavera

I tagged 58 of my posts in 2022

Only 8% of my posts had no tags

#artspiration - 40 posts

#takarazuka - 36 posts

#digital art - 19 posts

#fanart - 10 posts

#baddy - 7 posts

#takarazuka revue - 5 posts

#elisabeth - 5 posts

#elisabeth das musical - 5 posts

#yuzuka rei - 5 posts

#my translations - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 109 characters

#ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Flower Troupe Survey! The Best of Yuzuka Rei (PART 2)

The Troupe Survey is a current segment in the TakarazukaGRAPH magazine in which each month a different troupe is given a survey on their Top Star and a selection of their answers are printed in the magazine. There are 4 parts to this article: 1. The things about (Top Star) that have made a big impression on us 2. Stage: Shows or scenes which have stayed in our hearts 3. We want to see (Top Star) as a… 4. The (Top Star) Awards (The Top Star gives out special awards to troupe members)

As this article is so long I will be publishing the translation in parts! You can read part 1 here Part 2 is under the cut!

Part 2: Stage - What Shows or Scenes have remained in your heart?

1st place, 23 votes: “Boys over Flowers” (2019)

Miharu Ayu: The fight scenes she has against Sakurako (played by Oto Kurisu) and Rui (played by Seino Asuka). I always love seeing Yuzuka in fight scenes but this show was extra special because they were staged as fistfights, which is pretty rare for Takarazuka and made the otokoyaku even more masculine! Seeing her using her whole body to protect Tsukushi (played by Shoroki Mirei) really moved me.

Takasho Mizuki: Domyouji (Yuzuka)’s dance during the song Metamorphoses. I have no other words for it other than that it’s the definition of coolness.

See the full post

26 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

#4

Flower Troupe Survey! The Best of Yuzuka Rei (PART 3)

The Troupe Survey is a current segment in the TakarazukaGRAPH magazine in which each month a different troupe is given a survey on their Top Star and a selection of their answers are printed in the magazine. There are 4 parts to this article: 1. The things about (Top Star) that have made a big impression on us 2. Stage: Shows or scenes which have stayed in our hearts 3. We want to see (Top Star) as a… 4. The (Top Star) Awards (The Top Star gives out special awards to troupe members)

As this article is so long I will be publishing the translation in parts! You can read part 3 under the cut!

Part 3: We want to see Yuzuka Rei as a…

First Place, 9 votes: A Teacher

Haryu Mitsuki: In rehearsals, I often see her politely teaching Madoka (Hoshikaze Madoka, Top Musumeyaku) and giving advice to the younger actresses in a soft and gentle voice. So I think that if she was a teacher she would pick up on her students' weaknesses and kindly teach them how to overcome them! And maybe during break time, she’d play dodgeball and other games with her students?!

Tsubasa Anju: If Yuzuka was my teacher I would give it my all and study so that she would give me her praise! And I would never sleep during class (laughs).

Yuzuka’s Comment: Being a school teacher must be a very hard job to do, but maybe if I could teach something completely unrelated to the performing arts it would feel like a hobby. For example, how much I enjoyed history classes at school always depended on what period was being taught. Also, I always found it exciting how the structure of each class would change based on the period we were studying. So I think it would be fun if I could teach with some pizazz like they do in high school dramas and films.

Second Place, 8 votes: A Pilot

Hina Ririka: I’d have heart-eyes if I saw her as a handsome pilot!!! She would definitely be the number one most popular of them all!!

Serina Ei: When I saw her on the national tour pulling along her case as she walked, I thought she would definitely look amazing wearing a pilot's uniform and pulling a carry-along suitcase!!

Yuzuka’s comment: It would be cool to have an impressive job like that wouldn’t it? I’ve often thought about how wonderful it would be to speak fluent English and get to go back and forth between loads of different countries like international flight attendants do. I haven’t done anything to qualify for a job like that though! (laughs)

See the full post

27 notes - Posted February 1, 2022

#3

Toho Elisabeth 2022: Der Tod Comparision Analysis

After years of being a fan, I finally had the opportunity to see Elisabeth live for the first time this autumn. Me and a friend managed to defeat the odds and nab tickets for not just one but two dates, each with a different Der Tod (It's customary for most Toho musicals to have double, triple, or sometimes quadruple casts of its principal characters in their musicals). It was such a fantastic opportunity to see different actors' interpretations of such an iconic character, and seeing as the last Toho-beth was not filmed and previous recordings have not included every cast member, I thought I'd write up a report here for those curious!

Both Tods, Furukawa Yuta (Silver Tod) and Yamazaki Ikusaburo (Purple Tod) brought new and interesting things to the character that I’m really excited to discuss!

See the full post

40 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

#2

ZuCasino, Yuzuka Rei: October 2022

Long time no translations! It's been a busy year but I finally found the time to finish an interview that I really really love, I hope you are able to understand more about Rei with this sweet Q&A! ZuCasino is a current segment in Takarazuka Graph magazine where prominent otokoyaku get interviewed via a series of casino-style games and questions. October was with Yuzuka Rei. I've tried something a little different this time around where the first time an actress's name is mentioned I link her takawiki page. I've also done translation notes as I go rather than putting them all at the end. Let me know if you find this helpful or just too much. Without further ado, enjoy!

Part 1: Episode Roulette

We challenged Yuzuka Rei to play our Episode Roulette game!

(Rei has been given a roulette wheel, each section has a topic of conversation, whichever she lands on she has to answer)

See the full post

46 notes - Posted December 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Flower Troupe Survey! The Best of Yuzuka Rei (PART 1)

The Troupe Survey is a current segment in the TakarazukaGRAPH magazine in which each month a different troupe is given a survey on their Top Star and a selection of their answers are printed in the magazine. There are 4 parts to this article: 1. The things about (Top Star) that have made a big impression on us 2. Stage: Shows or scenes which have stayed in our hearts 3. We want to see (Top Star) as a... 4. The (Top Star) Awards (The Top Star gives out special awards to troupe members)

As this article is so long I will be publishing the translation in parts! You can read part 1 under the cut!

The Flower Troupe Survey! The Best of Yuzuka Rei

We carried out a survey asking all the members of the flower troupe questions about Rei’s charm!

Part 1: The things about Yuzuka that have made a big impression on us!

Wataru Hibiki:When she goes off-script her feelings and thoughts are naturally expressed. You can feel it in both plays and revues. I’m always secretly looking forward to the speeches she gives on the first day and the last day of a production because we get to hear her express her feelings honestly to all of us. Yuzuka’s comment:That’s something I care a lot about so I’m really happy to hear that. Even when I have things planned to say, I make sure to not forget what's most important to me when I speak.

Mikaze Maira: When she gives her name on Takarazuka Sky Stage and says “I’m the Flower Troupe’s Yuzuka Rei”. Ahh her AURA! Her NATURAL SEX APPEAL! Oh! She's...The! Cool! Beauty!!! She makes my heart beat faster (laughs).

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48 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[dilesxpressions]

Stanley Chan

1. Name, Year, Major, and Hometown

Stanley Chan, 2nd Year, NPB, Sunnyvale (Bay Area)

2. What’s your roman empire?

My “Roman Empire” is the web novel/webtoon “Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint". One of the best.

3. What is the best compliment you have ever received?

I was helping someone with math throughout last quarter and she told me I was saving her and would be drowning in math if it wasn't for me.

4. If your life was a movie what genre would it be (comedy, horror, drama, etc.) and what actor would play you?

If my life was a movie, it’d be a horror movie from the sheer terror that midterms give off. I would like Matthew (Zoinks, I always come back) Lillard to play me.

5. What is something on your college bucket list?

I want to spend an all-nighter on the top of the parking lot to watch the sky.

6. What’s your guilty pleasure? (song, movie, food etc.)

Sometimes, I’d revisit Markiplier’s old Slender videos

7. What are your bad habits?

I’m a master procrastinator.

8. What are your favorite song lyrics?

From Coldplay’s Yellow, “For you, I’d bleed myself dry”.

9. Defend your unpopular opinion/ hot take

I think deep dish pizza should be considered a pizza. Just basing it off the ingredients.

10. Describe a time where you had to step up and be a leader?

As a freshman in the spring of 2023, I took the course Introduction to Linguistics, LIN 001, to fulfill some GE requirements. My professor for the course had us do a final project in groups where we created our own constructed language, or conlang, with our knowledge obtained from lectures. I feel like besides the ideas and parts I contributed to the project itself, I mainly managed the communication method between everyone in our group. I thought that for a project of this size, it would be best to stay organized and make sure everyone in the group was up to date on the plan. When I was placed in my group, I thought communicating on canvas would be too tedious and asked my group members what would be the best way to reach them. We unanimously agreed to use iMessage to talk to each other. Then, my professor added two new people to our group. They weren’t yet added to our iMessage group, so I asked them for their phone numbers to add them. I asked everyone what times they were available to either meet up in person or online. We all had vastly different schedules, so we decided that for the days that most of us are able to meet, we could book a room at the Shields Library so we could talk and review things with each other more easily and print things out if it’s necessary. For the days that we can’t meet, but need to discuss something important, we used Zoom to talk to each other.

[ledenews]

The Game of Soccer and Its Continued Growth in the OVAC

Ohio held its first boys' soccer state championship match in 1976, when Cincinnati Finneytown defeated Brecksville-Broadview Heights 2-0. There were no multiple-class tournaments that inaugural season. In fact, it wasn't until 1981 before enough teams were fielded for a two-class system. Across the river in West Virginia, the sport took a little longer to take hold, but Huntington St. Joseph defeated Morgantown 2-1 in 1988 for the Mountain State's first “futbol” champions. Girls' championships followed suit years later in Ohio and West Virginia, first competing in 1985 and 1995 respectively. Here locally, the Ohio Valley Athletic Conference held its first OVAC Cup Championship for boys back in 1991 when the Eric Sendaydiego-led Patriots of Wheeling Park won the conference's first title. The girls began four years later, with Wheeling Park, under the direction of Debbie Glines capturing that first cup. The Cup split into two divisions in 1999 and into three for the 2003 season. This allowed for some of the smaller schools to compete for championships without having to wade through some of the OVACs largest schools. “It used to be all one division and only the top eight teams made it,” recalled St. Clairsville head coach Wes Stoner. “There was an argument good or bad for it either way vs. how it is now, but I didn't have a problem with it either way. But it was really difficult though, and I think the OVAC recognized that, for smaller schools to compete with say Wheeling Park or Morgantown, at least generally speaking.” Stoner would remember. While he's been the girls' coach at St. Clairsville since 2013, when his Red Devils captured the Class 4A tournament, he also was a player. A 2000 graduate of St. Clairsville, he played for the Red Devils' boys team during the 1996 through 1999 seasons, meaning he played three seasons under the one-class format, one in the split division. Sometimes it does boil down to numbers. The smaller schools generally roll with the numbers they receive. The boys or girls that show up to the first day of summer practice mostly all make the team. Larger schools have the luxury of big turnouts and may even have to hold roster cutdowns, meaning they can keep the best of the best. “We've never had enough players where we've had to cut people,” Stoner said. “Which I'm kind of glad because that's never something you enjoy doing. But, on the other side, when you do have to do that, it means you have a large number of kids which is great for your program.” Wheeling Park's Max Seibert battles Steubenville's Nicholas Burczyk for the ball as the Patriots' Rynder McLeod looks on Youth Development is Key Look at the traditionally strong programs in the OVAC and you'll find one thing in common: All roster members come from communities with longstanding youth leagues and developmental programs. Communities like Wheeling, Weirton, Steubenville, St. Clairsville - even Wellsburg - all have strong youth leagues that help develop young players. Wheeling's dates back to the 1980s while others like St. Clairsville, which first started playing in 1993, arrived a little later to the party. Stoner, who grew up initially in Brooke County over in West Virginia, started his soccer career playing in the Bethany recreation league. Once he started improving and wanted to further challenge himself, Stoner tried out and started playing for a club team based out of Wheeling around the U-9, U-10 age group. When the family moved to St. Clairvsille, soccer at Capstone was still in its infancy. For most players during the 1990s in this part of the OVAC footprint, Wheeling was still the place to play. “If anyone wanted to play year-round at that point, you went to Wheeling, or, in the winter, we went up to Zanesville,” Stoner recalled. Recreation leagues are paramount to player development and, subsequently, the development of high school programs as coaches are getting players with multiple years of experience. Moreso, the schools with the most club players tend to do well. These teams hold tryouts, taking the top players from the area and play a competitive schedule year-round. “If you're playing club anywhere in the area, you are at least a decent player and likely a very good one,” Stoner said. “You can tell just by looking at the top teams in the (OVAC), the best have the most club players. That's just the way it is. “These kids are competing year-round at high levels.” Stoner's roster usually features at least 2-3 club players and one at point, his best was 8-9 of his starting 11 were "club." Teams like Wheeling Park and Morgantown, most of the team's roster has some club experience. The same can be said for most of the larger, more successful programs. Continuing to Grow While the OVAC itself, and the sport have continued to grow in recent years, most of the teams currently playing have been fielding teams for years. There are new additions, however, primarily at smaller schools like Caldwell and Shenandoah. These teams are new to the game and field co-ed teams which must compete with an all-boys schedule. Other teams like Union Local and Monroe Central, which also field co-ed teams, have been around a little longer. As interest continues to grow, might those teams expand into individual boys' and girls' teams? There are currently 27 schools competing on the boys' side and 24 on the girls. As youth league numbers continue to grow, the call for a soccer team at other OVAC-area high schools may grow as well. Read the full article

[from-a-reckless-writer]

RE: the tags about being tempted to post a half finished fic and guess the ending, well you are a reckless writer for a reason

this is long overdue, so here have a fic.

It has come to the point that nothing fazes her anymore.

A kidnapping? Been there, done that. It means calling Sam Arias to intimidate the board of members into temporary submission.

An explosion at the office? Just a typical Tuesday. It means relocating to the 23rd floor and sharing the desk with two other interns for 2 months tops.

An assassination attempt? It means bracing herself for at least 3 deliveries of donuts and coffee for the two following weeks that Kara Danvers would be protectively hovering over L-Corp, until her boss snaps and shoos her away back to CatCo.

She’s seen it all, endured it all and she sure as hell is prepared for it all. She’s got three different ironclad statements ready to publish for whatever PR disaster will most likely turn up that week. She’s got contacts from the FBI, DEO, CatCo, Daily Planet, Gotham Gazette-- hell she even has Lillian’s personal cell (just in case the Luthor matriarch ever tries anything y’know? ) and yes, even the number of that 'Mexican place at 5th and Spring, you know the one Kara likes, Jess?'

She’s got two pairs of heels, a raincoat and four sets of outfits neatly folded in a duffel bag, at the back of the office, reserved for any emergency that requires a change of clothes.

The point is, she is an independent Asian-American woman who has worked her ass off for the better part of the decade and has long learned to take no shit from anybody.

Not even stupid superpowered Kryptonians.

See, it takes a lot to be her. It takes unlimited patience to put up with a woman like Lena Luthor, not because she’s a terrible person. Oh no, no, the complete opposite, actually. She is so overwhelmingly kind to a fault, and she doesn’t want nor let anybody see it. It’s infuriating to see sometimes. Okay, fine, she sides with the Krytonian on that one matter. But oh, ho, ho, not today. Today, she’s mad.

She’s livid, actually and it’s all Supergirl’s fault. (and Lena Luthor's too.)

Jess has had her fair share of ‘I-Should-Not-Have-Been-Here’ moments, like that one time she forgot to knock and stumbled unto Lex mid-yell with Lena whose eyes were shimmering but was still keeping a rigid posture.

Or that one time when she thought her boss had long left the office, only to be greeted with quiet sobs and an empty bottle of scotch rolling on the floor. Or that time she happened upon Lena, skirt and sleeves on fire with fumes rising from a green solution.

Apparently, her staff from the lab refused to let her in after three days of their CEO holding herself in isolation with the experiment. Lena had gotten the great idea of smuggling the chemicals to her office instead. Luthors are nothing but determined. Jess still remembers the adrenaline rush of holding a fire extinguisher—as if she were the chosen 5th grader for a school fire drill—and shoving her boss out of the way.

Like she said, nothing fazes her anymore she’s seen it all, except maybe, this one. Yep, definitely this one. This one just made a hot ball of fury unfurl at her very core. This one might just take the cake.

Jess was just going about her day, returned from a hearty lunch and feeling reinvigorated from that dose of sunlight and fresh air. It was a quiet day today, she noticed, which should’ve been a foretelling.

Nothing really is ever quiet. Well, when it comes to L-Corp, at least.

She’s been sitting on her desk for about a good fifteen minutes and finished with screening a few papers from their new contractors, when it occurs to her that the latest blueprints from R&D are still on her desk instead of already being reviewed by her boss.

She grabs the drawing tube and quickly makes for her boss’s private office. They’ve spent enough time with each other that Jess could just come and go as she pleases, instead of having to knock each time. Saves both of their time, that way.

Although, usually, she buzzes through the intercom first to double check, but it was 1:20 P.M and she knows Lena doesn’t have anything scheduled after lunch. So, she pushes the door, confidently strolls in and promptly stops in her tracks.

Jess stops breathing for a moment, blinks once, twice, stares at the scene before her.

Lena Luthor sat atop her work desk; blouse open, eyes closed, cheeks flushed, neck currently being ravaged by Supergirl with legs wrapped around the waist.

She probably should’ve just turned and left while they haven’t seen her yet. That would’ve been the smart decision, right? Yes. Yes, it was so very clearly The Right Decision.

Of course, she doubts she could look Lena in the eye for the next few weeks after that, but at least she wouldn’t know that Jess walked in on them during an er- make-out session? Office tryst? Oh God, she shudders internally. It sounds even worse.

Incident? Yep. Yeah. She’s sticking with incident. Indecent incident sounds more apt really.

She should’ve left. Would have left, if her eyes didn’t just land on the desk—well, more like Miss Luthor’s as- backside—and felt the stirrings of rage make itself known. Because there, underneath Lena’s ass (Backside!! Jess, that’s your boss!) is the squished—probably crumpled—pages of a contract.

A contract they’ve spent 5 months securing!!

Jess decides to do what everyone else would have done in a situation such as this; she clears her throat. Loudly.

Classic move.

Supergirl’s head immediately shoots up and Lena’s eyes snap open.

“Jess!” Supergirl squeaks and she sees the exact moment the realization hits Lena. Her eyes widening at her girlfriend’s exclamation, whips her head to the side, spots Jess, hands scrambling to a panic to close all the buttons of her blouse.

She hears Lena hiss, “Fuck, shit. Oh my God. Shit. How did she even- You have superhearing!!!” as she pushes Supergirl—who lets herself be pushed, stunned by the intrusion, face redder than a tomato.

Lena gets off the desk, fixes herself all the while to futile results. Her hair is tugged down from her usual ponytail, her neck and chest is marked, her lips swollen.

Supergirl's hands twitch at the sides and Jess sees her gulp as blue eyes frantically dart to Lena and her, and then Lena, and then back to her.

Lena finally turns around after those few awkward beats.

"Jess," she begins, clearly trying hard to put on her business bitch persona, but come on, there's a hickey under her jaw for fuck's sake.

"It's not what you-"

Jess doesn’t let her finish, she stomps her way across the office and forcefully puts the drawing tube on the desk. It makes a hollow thump.

“Jess I-”

“Supergirl, do you know how long it takes to finalize a business proposal, pitch it to the board, persuade the board and finally have a contract drawn?”

Supergirl gulps again. Lena’s eyes are wild next to her, she doesn’t like not knowing what the next best move is, Jess knows this all too well.

“Uhhh- no?”

Jesus Christ, you’d think after years of shadowing Cat Grant, she'd had at least learned a thing or two. Then again, if somebody is full on glaring at her after getting caught red-handed, Jess doubts she could answer coherently too.

“That’s right,” Jess says, “You don’t.”

“Jess,” Lena repeats pointedly. She knows that tone. It’s a warning.

“Ms. Luthor.”

A period not a question mark. It’s a challenge.

"I've spent all my evenings working late on that, do you know how many dates I've had to cancel? Just so I can secure a meeting with Qatar and simultaneously sync it with Beijing's time? My boyfriend hasn't seen me in two weeks!” Jess bursts out.

“Two weeks, Supergirl!” She gets close enough to jab a finger to the Girl of Steel’s chest. A feat she will gladly tell all her coworkers later when she’s calmed down enough.

“Not to mention, the 10 other people who worked their ass off trying to make sure that Miss Luthor's presentation is airtight, bulletproof and waterproof!” Lena has the decency to look a little guilty at this point, nothing big though, just a slight tug at her lips, but it was enough for Jess.

“IT TOOK ME 3 FUCKING MINUTES TO PRINT THAT GODDAMN CONTRACT WHICH MIGHT NOT SOUND LONG—” Jess raises a finger in emphasis, “BUT BELIEVE ME WORKING IN L-CORP? A 3 MINUTE DIFFERENCE CAN MEAN AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT OR PSYCHOPATH PRESS!”

Supegirl of all people should already know this! For fuck’s sake!

Jess’s chest is heaving. She takes a deep breath, kneads her knuckles to her eyelids, “So, please if you're gonna have sex in the office, please, pleaseeeee clear the desk first. And at least, lock the door.”

She stares them both down, till Lena gives her a solemn nod; cheeks and ears still red. Supergirl squeaks out an, “U-understood, Ma’am.”

“Good. Glad we’ve come to an agreement.” Jess gives them one final nod before finally fulfilling what she came in here to do, “Miss Luthor,” She turns to Lena, “here are the R&D blueprints. Good day, to you Supergirl. I'll be going now. "

When she finally goes home, tells her boyfriend, and wonders aloud if she’ll still have a job the next morning, he tells her she’s such a badass.

And well, Jess can’t disagree with that.

*****

"Did I just- Did I just get yelled at by your secretary?? D-did she just chew us out?"

"She did, and she deserves a raise."

[cosmorice]

❛The Affair❜ pt. 2

pairing: bts!jin x reader ; nct127!johnny seo x reader

genre: fluff, a lil angst, smut

warnings: sex, married life, children, swearing, cheating

wc: 2.2k

part 1

SUMMARY: your picture perfect marriage begins to crumble behind the scenes as you meet johnny seo, a member of another well-known group, NCT-127.

Ari’s light snores fill into your right ear as you utilize your left hand to bid farewell to Johnny and a disheveled Han. The air finally cools down as the moon rises into the sky. The kids were able to play all day and your newfound friendship with Johnny kept you distracted from the small void within your heart. You turn and walk briskly towards your car in the vast parking lot, not wanting to wake Ari up as you finally are able to place her in the carseat.

As you drive into the night, a small smile creeps onto your face as you reflect on the day you’ve had. Johnny and you had exchanged numbers earlier after you both witnessed how well your children got along. It was as if they were brother and sister. You also found out Johnny was apart of another group, NCT 127. You were like some sort of magnet for these group members. 

-

After arriving home, you sigh as there is no sign of Jin’s return. You place Ari in her bed, as you had already eaten at the theme park. After the leftovers you had obtained from your feast while out are put into the fridge, you plop down onto the loveseat, finally able to charge your deceased phone. A number of notifications pop onto the screen, capturing your attention,

Jinny bear [8:13]: How are my two lovely girls doing?

Johnny [8:47]: It was nice being able to meet you! Han is worn out lol, he had so much fun today with Ari.

Jinny bear [9:00]: I’ll be home tomorrow baby, I get out of practice at 1 tonight & then I’m going for some street tteokbokki with Jimin

Jinny bear [now]: How about we spend some time together when I get back?

Your eyes roll so far back that they could practically pop out of your head. God you hated this shit. A barely audible ‘fuck’ escapes your mouth. It was draining at times, but you loved him, right?

You [9:12]: of course, I can’t wait to see you & tell you about the fun time we had at the park

Jinny bear [9:13]: alright I love you infinitely

-

The TV echoes within the living room as you contemplate what to text Johnny. Out of all things to watch, your interest piqued at the new show Love Alarm. This was the first time in a long time where you truly had butterflies within your stomach at the sight of a text message.

You [9:24]: Of course! And Ari is wiped out for the night, I don’t think she’ll be up any time soon.

Johnny [9:27]: Same for Han. If you both are free tomorrow we can grab lunch?

Your heart lurched. Jin had wanted to spend time tomorrow when he comes back. Johnny and you both hadn’t really discussed your current love lives. Johnny briefly mentioned Han’s mom wasn’t in the picture and you simply mentioned that your husband was constantly busy.

You [9:35]: How about next Saturday? Jin comes back tomorrow.

Read 9:37. 

-

God. I can’t believe I didn’t think sooner she had a husband. Y/n is a head-turner though so no surprise there. What do I say back? I want to be respectful of her marriage.

Of course too, her husband happens to be apart of one of the top bands known worldwide. Regardless, it would be nice having another friend.

-

Johnny [9:43]: Of course :) Have a great night.

Read 10:00.

-

Truth was, Jin wasn’t okay. He didn’t know if he could keep up with this lifestyle anymore. Constantly leaving his family home in Seoul was not something he wanted to do, as he grew up in an extremely family oriented home. 

“I know you feel bad but let’s enjoy the night! Just me and you, like the old days.” Jimin cheers as he raises the glass of Soju to his friend. The glasses clink against each other before the boys take a hue swig.

Jimin and Jin had a relatively close bond with one another, only becoming stronger once Ari was born. Jimin was appointed as her godfather, something both you and Jin had wanted.

“I feel awful for not being able to see her tonight though.”

“Don’t worry about it, y/n is one of the most understanding people. You seem more concerned than you usually are though. Did something happen between you both?” Jimin raises an eyebrow at the buzzed man sitting across from him.

“She seemed so disappointed earlier when I had to go for practice. It was my fault as I had completely forgotten and I promised them a family day today.”

“Oh man, yeah Jin, you need to talk to her. It can be hard maintaining a career like this along with a damn marriage!” His friend exclaims, throwing his arms up in the air. The boys continue eating their dish and drinking, further into the night.

-

Days eventually turned into weeks as you and Johnny’s friendship continued to blossom. Jin had kept his word-finally- and he spent time with you and Ari, as promised. The family day you all had was lovely to say the least. It made you appreciate how hands-on your husband was with your daughter as she splashed in the water. Beach days were always your favorite. The smell of the ocean spreading within your lungs as sand sticks to your toes.

Jin learned of Johnny through Ari’s constant babbling about Han, her new pal. He desperately wanted to meet Johnny but his schedule was already rigorous enough. He was glad his two girls were happy and made some new friends. Oh how much he will regret that happiness.

The intrusive thoughts that once plagued your mind about Johnny had eventually dissipated as Jin became more focused on you and Ari, that was, until though, he had to go back on tour. For 4 months. 4 fucking months.

-

Johnny [6:50]: Are you and Ari free today? Han misses his buddy and I miss having my buddy around too

You grin to yourself and a small laugh escapes from your lips upon receiving the text. Jin had left the previous day for tour, bidding you and Ari a solid farewell. 

You [7:00]: Of course, it’s getting close to Ari’s bedtime so maybe a sleepover will suffice?

-

Excitement bubbled within Johnny, along with Han, as they headed towards the address you sent. A few stars twinkled amongst the light pollution engulfing the city. 

The steps to your walkway seemed long as Johnny’s long legs accompanied him. Han’s sleeping bag in one hand and his phone in the other, Johnny watches as Han beat him to the door. The brunette 6 year old ringing the bell at a ridiculous rate. Instantly it opens, revealing your radiant smile & a very excited Ari.

“Ari!” Han yells as he engulfs the smaller girl with a hug, before they both run inside of course.

“He isn’t the only one that missed his friend.” Johnny says as he embraces you into a warm hug. Your flowery scent dances in his nostrils. 

“How about we have a few drinks while the kids play?” Your voice was enticing to say the least. The way the night breeze blew your hair into your face was nearly breathtaking. Johnny sends a smile in response. 

-

You opt for the kids to bake a cake with you. Your attentiveness and radiant personality sticks out to Johnny, as if it were a sore thumb. You definitely were a teacher. Your patience with kids was like no other, and it made Johnny happy to see his son practically glowing.

Laughter fills throughout the kitchen as Ari tips over the flour, coating her in the white dust. The island was now covered in the sugary powder as you grab a towel to wipe it off, Johnny aiding you in getting the mess cleaned up as the kids stay attentive to whisking the batter.

“Daddy, I want to eat some batter.” Han pouts, crossing his arms.

“You’ll get salmonella, no Han.” Johnny says a bit firmly as Ari scoops her finger and stuffs her mouth with the vanilla-flavored mixture. After his response, Han smirks. What is this child up to? Before you knew it, batter flies in the air and lands on Johnny’s shirt. Your hand instantly flies up to your mouth, stifling a laugh as Ari giggles.

“Mr. Johnny the cake man!” Ari screams in a sing-song like tune. Next thing you knew, a war of batter ensues. Screams of playfulness are heard throughout the kitchen as you duck behind the island, avoiding the imminent danger of being hit. 

This is something you could get used to. 

This is how it’s supposed to be with you and Jin. 

-

The kids burst of energy dissipated and it was finally their bedtime. You could finally share some drinks with Johnny while cleaning the disaster that was called your kitchen. Light snores fill the hallway, leaving you and Johnny elated.

The TV volume lowly plays the sounds of Keeping up with the Kardashians as you and Johnny chatter.

“Kim, there’s people that are dying.” Kourtney yells at her frantic sister.

“Y/n, I’m sorry to say this but, what the fuck are we watching?” Johnny bursts into laughter, and soon you join in. You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol talking, but warmth engulfs your body. You’re on cloud 9.

“The Kardashians of course!” You smack his arm playfully before taking another swig of the Soju in your glass cup. As the alcohol goes down your throat, your demeanor changes. Johnny senses it. “Johnny, how do you find so much time for Han? I know you’re in a band as well but how do you manage to make it work?” 

Your fingers play with the glass as the Soju swishes around inside of it. 

“Because I love him. He’s my son. I’d never let my career interfere with that. His mom leaving put that into perspective for me.” He responds, giving you a smile of pity. You and Jin’s situation was talked about sometimes in your conversation with Johnny, which gave him a selfish glimmer of hope. 

A glimmer of hope that maybe you both could be more than just friends. No, you’re still married. That’s ridiculous.

The sound of Kim cheering for finding her earrings interrupts the gloomy conversation. You felt the couch sink in as Johnny scoots closer towards you. How many drinks did you two have? Too many to even keep count. You knew what you were about to do, was sinful in its own way. 

Your lips press against Johnny’s, taking him off guard.

“Y/n. You’re fucking married!” Johnny protests, “We can’t be doing this.” His tall and built physique hastily stands from the couch, staring down at you with widened eyes.

“Johnny wait,” You grab his hand, standing with him. “Please. Don’t leave.. I’m so sorry, I-I don’t know what came over me.” The desperation and frantic state in your tone causes the devil on his shoulder to urge for Johnny to continue with this. His lips abruptly crash in to yours, the smell and taste of alcohol noticeable between the two of you.

-

You both sit right back down on the couch. Kisses turning sloppy as Johnny moves his hand under your dress, towards your heat. His fingers coat with your juices as he slides a singular finger into your wet folds, rubbing your pulsating clit in the process. What the fuck are you doing? You have a husband for fucks sake. 

The angel on your shoulder practically is booming into your ear right about now. STOP BEFORE IT GOES FURTHER YOU DUMBASS. THIS IS A DRUNKEN MISTAKE.

God you should have listened, but it felt so good doing whatever you damned please. Your lips break apart, hair askew as Johnny pulls his slick fingers out of your wet pussy, before cupping and massages your breast. Your nipple pulstates as it sends waves of pleasure throughout your body. A breathy moan escapes your lips as your hand reaches down towards Johnny’s pants.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Johnny growls, chocolate eyes filled with lust. You smile as he unzips his pants. His large bulge fills your vision as you instinctively lean your head down. Your hands softly pull down Johnny’s pants along with his boxers. 

His hard cock twitches and springs up, surprising you a bit. You giggle lightly before taking his erect member into your mouth, his hand grabbing a good amount of your hair in the process.

“Don’t fucking stop,” He moans as you bob your head furiously, gagging a bit as spit falls out of your mouth onto his aching cock. Before he could reach his climax, you pull back. “You’re gonna regret that.” He was right. You were. But for multiple reasons, including the fact that you are married to a loyal fucking husband. 

He immediately flips you over, laying back on the couch as he lines his cock with your entrance. You examine the precut leaking out as he enters into you. 

“Fuck!” You cover your mouth, stifling the yelp.

“I’m going to fuck the shit out of you.”

-

Your phone vibrates on top of the kitchen counter as moans fill the living room.

Jinny bear [now]: 2 missed calls

Jinny bear [now]: I miss you both. You probably forgot about our FaceTime call tonight but I’m sure we can call tomorrow. I love you to the moon & back baby.

[yourmidnightlover]

the nickname

Summary: reader convinced spencer to let her take the reins in the bedroom... or does she?

TW: oral (male recieving), fingering, mention of overstimulation, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, penetrative sex, riding, scratching, use of nicknames (princess, love, etc.), hints at sugar daddy!spencer, age gap (not specified but i’m thinking around 10-15 years). *let me know if i missed anything*

WC: 2,912

A/N: this hinted at sugar daddy!spencer (not really hinted so much as saying it outright). I also wrote this for @anxiousblanketqueen ‘s fic contest for her birthday! i believe it’s prompt number 21. i hope you enjoy :)

————————————————————————

you had been together for a while, now. maybe 13 months? you bet spencer could recall - more like knew he could.

you had met when you were one of his students. you're going to georgetown on an academic scholarship because no way in hell could you pay for the full tuition when you still couldn't afford it with the scholarships.

he took a liking to you - how could he not? you were a hard worker and proved yourself to be extremely determined. on top of the obvious intelligence, you had a beauty that radiated around you. and that beauty had a touch of... innocence. and maybe that innocent beauty is what initially attracted him to you, but he'd like to think it was just your personality as a whole.

you were never one of the students who would come to his office after hours for help you clearly didn't need. you would use your colored pens and highlighters to help organize your notes, so it took a while to pack everything up to leave.

one day, when there weren't any students lined up out his door, he went to your seat as you were cleaning up. you looked up, rather surprised that your inappropriate crush was standing right by you.

"uhm... hi," you smiled at him as you put your pencil pouch in your bag, breaking eye contact for the briefest of seconds before returning your attention back to him.

"hi. i was uhm..." he cleared his throat, "i was wondering if you had any questions? you never come to the office hours for questions and i was just... just making sure," he stuttered out.

"oh," you chuckled a light, airy laugh that spencer wished he had recorded so he could replay it over and over and over. "i don't have any questions. i guess that just means that you're a really good professor - very thorough," you stood up and flung the bag over your shoulder, still incredibly shorter than him.

"than-thank you," he smiled. "i'm happy to hear that you're actually getting something out of the lessons," you began walking out of the classroom, looking back to ensure that he was following you.

"yes, i truly do," you agreed. "i'm also pretty sure i'm one of the other people who isn't auditing the class," you added.

"correct, you are," he enthusiastically gestured, another laugh leaving your beautiful lips.

"i mean, you can't necessarily blame them for just taking the class," you chuckled as he held the door open for you, you gave him a subtle 'thank you.'

"what do you mean?" he asked in a soft tone.

"i mean you- you're..." you trailed off, gesturing to his entire body in hopes to convey what you meant. he just looked at you with a confused taste, letting you know you needed to elaborate. "you're very... attractive, professor reid."

"oh-that's very... thank you," he blushed as you halted by the bus stop.

"of course," you turned around, looking up to meet his eyes. "so... wait, what time is it?" you asked rather frantically.

"it's," he looked at his silver watch adorning his wrist, "6:27."

"shit," you swore for the first time in front of him, underneath your breath.

"wha-what is it?" he asked, perplexed as to why you would be so frustrated.

"the last bus leaves at 6:15 and i've missed it," you huffed out, trying to compose yourself before checking your bag and realizing, "i forgot my key and my roommate is at her girlfriend's house."

"is there anything i could do?" he asked concerned.

"no i can... i can just stay at the library. i should probably study up anyway," you tried to laugh it off although you knew it was pointless... he was a profiler for christ's sake.

"the library? y/n, this might seem a bit inappropriate but i have a spare room you could stay in until your roommate gets back," he offered kindly.

so, you took him up on his offer.

you slept in his spare room after he got you both takeout. you laughed and talked for what seemed like meer minutes but turned out to be until 1 a.m. you talked about string theory and the leonard euler's paradox. he gave you interesting facts about tortoises and achilles.

that little hangout session turned into countless hangouts over the span of three months. and then he asked you out on a real date once you finished at the top of his class - and not just because you were his favorite.

the first time with spencer was... beyond delightful. he was captivating with the way he worked against and for your body. it was almost as if he felt like his sole purpose on earth was to please you. he was eager, yet patient with the way his tongue flicked and sucked at your skin.

he was such a dominant personality in the bedroom, which was extremely appreciated since you didn't have much experience in that arena. but now that you were more versed in that world, you wanted to experiment a bit more.

casually, he began to pay for your things. it wasn't so head-on at first. it would be paying for your groceries, or buying all of your college books for you. but then it got a bit bigger. when your roommate couldn't give you the necessary half of the rent that was due and was beginning to be a nuisance, spencer quite literally let you move into his place. he would pay for your car's repairs and bought you jewelry consistently.

one time, as a joke, you called him your sugar daddy - mostly because that's how he acted. he just didn't like the term. he felt as though it made your relationship together seem one-sided when you were, in fact, very in love with the man. you came to realize it also made you seem like a gold digger, which you weren't - even though the money is a nice plus. so, you relented and didn't say that again.

spencer never really had much time off now that he was working back at the bau and traveling but now, you had him to yourself for a whole week. you had been planning this since he told you when he'd be off.

step 1: look sexy - you always looked sexy to him, but feeling sexy would also be a plus.

step 2: surprise him while looking sexy - absolutely devious.

step 3: seduce him - when doesn't he want you? exactly.

it was foolproof.

you had gotten the text 15 minutes ago that spencer was on his way back to his place, wanting you to meet him there once he had settled in. little did he know that you were in a sexy little white number - the white reminded him of your innocence which really got him going - lying in wait for him in a pair of heels. you sat in one of his reading chairs, deciding to pick up a book until he got home.

when you heard the jingling of keys coming from the other side of the door, you assumed your position. the chair was turned toward the door, you sitting pretty with one leg crossed over the other.

spencer walked through the door, hanging his coat and briefcase up before finally noticing you. his eyebrows shot up, looking your body up and down hungrily.

"wow," he smiled a wicked grin as he slowly made his way to where you were sitting. you stood up, heels clicking as they hit the floor and walked closer to him.

"i wanna try something," you placed your hands on his chest, pushing him back slightly until he was forced to sit down on the couch.

"and what would that be, princess?" he asked, hands stroking your hair that was cascading down your back.

"i..." you bent down to whisper in his ear, "i want to be in charge tonight," you placed a soft kiss below his earlobe, feeling his body shudder subtly at the proposition.

"are you sure you can handle that?" he chuckled, hands roaming to your waist and grinding your hips down on his.

you almost gave up. almost. you grasped his hands, placing them on the arm of the couch before getting close to his face. your lips were almost touching before you whispered, "no touching today, pretty boy."

you felt his hips rut up against your core, you chuckled at his eagerness. you decided to throw him a bone and ground down, hard, against his hips. the groan he let out was low and enticing, nearly enough to allow you to give him whatever he wanted.

"bedroom," you whispered against his neck before getting off of his lap, allowing him to scurry to the room. "take off your clothes while you're at it!" you giggled under your breath as you heard his clothes shuffling, telling you that he was obeying your request.

you waited a couple of minutes until you went into the room, wanting to have him go a bit insane like he normally did to you. when you walked in, he was laying on his back on the bed, just like you wanted. his cock was already red and leaky, prominent as it bounced on his tummy.

"good boy, spence," you giggled, walking over to him and straddling his legs.

once you were settled, you pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before trailing them down his torso, leaving the occasional hickey scattered on his chest. traveling kisses down his happy trail, you traced the vein on his dick and watched it twitch up and hit his stomach once again you giggled at the reaction.

"now i understand why you like so much responsiveness," you chuckled as you pressed a soft, barely-there kiss to the tip of his cock, he hissed once again from the contact.

you slowly took his cock in your mouth, agonizingly slow, and flattened your tongue at the base. one you got him as far down you could manage, you began bobbing your head just as slow. his hands flew to your hair, trying to force you to go faster until you swatted them away.

"should i tie those up?" you threatened, your hand working at his member as you spoke.

"are you fucking kidding me?" he swore, clearly agitated by your antics.

"no," you squeezed his dick for punctuation, the way he grunted made the wetness pool in your underwear. "i'm not kidding you."

you took him in your mouth once more, bobbing your head far more vigorously than before this time, just to spite him. hollowing your cheeks, you swallowed around him and began gagging around his dick before coming back up for air.

"fuck," he whispered underneath his breath, not wanting to let you know just how much of an effect you had on him.

you smiled to yourself and continued your antics until he was spilling all down your throat. you didn't stop there, you came back up and let your hand continue pumping his member slowly.

"shit," he hissed from the stimulation.

"shhh," you put your free finger up to his lips.

you gave his dick a few more strokes, curses leaving his lips delightfully before you drew your hands up his body once more before straddling his lap. after moving your panties to the side and slicking his cock with your arousal, you ground against him leisurely, trying to tease him a bit more. you unclasped your bra, throwing it somewhere in the room. finally, you reached between the two of you and lined him up with your entrance.

"are you sure you can do this?" spencer asked, not to entice you, but to make sure you were alright.

"there's a first for everything," you chuckled, knowing you had never been on top before.

you had never been on top before - you'd like to blame your lack of experience. you knew it might be hard to keep up the pace, but you were determined to make not only yourself but also make spencer feel good. that's all you've ever wanted. that's what you're meant to do - make him feel good. so no matter what it took, you'd make it happen.

you slowly lowered yourself onto his dick, being wary of how much bigger he felt from the new angle.

"shit," you whispered, your hands resting on his chest in attempt to ground yourself. "oh god..." you trailed off, feeling your dominant personality fade away as the pleasure overtook you.

"keep going, princess," he spurred you on, his hands finding your waist and rubbing gentle circles on your skin. "you've got it."

so you rose on your knees until only his tip was inside of you for you to lower yourself once more. you whimpered from the feeling of him re-entering your body, your pussy clenching around him as if he were an intruder.

"doing so good for me," he grasped your waist a bit tighter so he could help you rise and fall on his cock. "fuck, it's so good."

"d-doctor, i-" you stuttered, the persona nearly entirely gone and nowhere to be seen as he continued to move you up and down.

when you learn forward, your face hovering over spencer's chest, he took the opportunity to wrap his arms entirely around your waist. before you knew it, he was slamming his length into your pussy over and over and over and over again.

"oh! oh my god," you moaned, your voice reaching a higher octave as he drilled into your body in the most pleasurable way imaginable. "don't stop! don't stop! ple-please!" you screamed out, your hands wrapping around his torso and squeezing his body to ensure that he was there - present.

"i won't, princess. just let go. let go for me," he pressed a kiss to the top of your head so sweetly in contrast to how he was fucking you.

"i'm cumming! oh god, i'm cumming, spencer!" you cried out as you released the tension from inside of you.

only spencer wasn't done yet, so he took himself out of you, and he placed you on your back before reentering you. he moved in and out of you at a godly pace, trying to get himself to his climax before you would become too overwhelmed from the overstimulation.

"spen- spencer," you scratched at his back, surely leaving red marks for him to ogle once you were through. "i-i'm close," you sucked lightly at his earlobe before he moved his hand between the two of you, circling the little bundle of nerves at your crest.

"my little insatiable bunny, huh?" he smiled as you whimpered into his ear, nearing your second release. "loves my cock a bit too much, huh?"

"please! fuck!" you shouted out as you came on his dick, pulling at his hair. the clenching and fluttering of your pussy finally sending him over the edge, his hot release flooding your insides.

"fuck," he groaned into your ear as he carried the two of you through your releases. "good job, princess," he pressed a kiss to your neck as you stroked his hair, playing with it as you were still coming down.

"i'm sorry," you frowned once he pulled out, finally making eye contact as he lay down beside you.

"what for?" he asked incredulously.

"i just... i wanted to make you proud and i couldn't even finish without your help," you explained in a whiney manner, not allowing yourself to meet his beautiful eyes.

"hey," he grasped your chin to force you to make eye contact. "i love it when i have to help you reach that high. that's not something to be embarrassed or upset about."

"i know but i wanted to ride you and i couldn't even do that," you rolled your eyes.

"it takes time to get used to doing that," he chuckled. "and besides, riding someone on the bed is never a good way to begin. the couch is always better - that way you have the back of it to hold onto."

"really? so it's not that i'm just terrible at being a top?" your eyes widened with hope, he smiled at your eagerness.

"i think you could be a switch but it needs a bit of work, my love," he brushed your hair behind your ear before seeing your disappointed gaze and adding, "but i'll bet that with enough practice i could start calling you my little bunny, yea?"

"really?" you perked up at the proposition. "i want you to call me that."

"well then, i guess we better start practicing," he grinned before leaning in and giving you a sloppy kiss, his hands flying to your waist as he stood the both of you up to go to the couch.

needless to say, with spencer's guidance you were able to master the art of riding him. and you got that special little nickname, too.

taglist:

@averyhotchner

@greenprisca

@muffin-cup

@emilyprentisslittlewhore​

@spenxerslut​

if you’d like to be added to the taglist, please don’t hesitate to message me or leave a comment saying so!

[rose2jam]

Why It Was Practically Inevitable That Severus Snape Would Join A Cult, an essay by Rose Jam

So, let’s talk about Cults. Disclaimer: This is just information I’ve gathered over the years from my personal fascination with religious cults.  I’m in no way an expert or a psychologist or whatever.  This is just my personal understanding from the research I’ve done.

A cult is started when a wildly charismatic Leader feels like they have a purpose, a higher calling, or a mission to be fulfilled (or they could also just be an egomaniac). Maybe they really do feel like what makes them special comes directly from a higher power, be that God, or the Heir of Slytherin, but either way, this person has a pathological need to be worshiped, and they need followers in order to do that.  

So, how does one obtain Followers easily? By finding the misunderstood misfits of society, and promising them something.  The people who feel like no one else understands them, or their ideologies.  But this Leader?  This Leader GETS IT, MAN! The Leader understands them perfectly, vindicates them, and makes them promises along the way.  Like, if they stick with the Leader, then not only will they finally be understood, but they themselves will also be revered.  That they will rise above all of the others who have put them down for so long, and will come out on top as a superior being.  

Any of this sounding familiar?

Charles Manson preyed on young people in the middle of the hippie movement, mostly women, who were feeling lost, lonely, and in need of guidance, or in terms of the men he recruited, seeking power over others.  Not all of these people were poor or helpless; some of them came from middle class, or even rich homes and families.  Yes, some of them came from broken homes, but all of them felt “broken” themselves, in some way. So Manson used their desires to have a family to draw them in.  He then used LSD and other drugs to keep them under his control, and he created a manipulative environment where the members of his “family” felt they could never leave him, and if they didn’t follow his commands, something horrible would happen to them.  I’m not going to go into full detail on the Manson Family Murders, but if you’re personally interested, check out the Podcast “Cults” on Spotify.

So back to basics, this Leader draws in Followers with flowery promises of community, power, family, or whatever.  But once the Leader has that following, the terror will begin.  Cult Leaders are usually master manipulators, and have completely brainwashed their followers into believing the “us vs them” mentality, that the outside world is evil, that the outside world will only harm them, that the outside world would never understand what they’re doing on the inside.  And that the Leader is the only one who knows the truth, so they better stick with him.  Or maybe the Leader has gaslit his followers so completely, that they become dependent on him for everything, to the point where they don’t know how they would possibly function without the Leader.  Or, the Leader has created an environment that’s so hostile, that Followers are too afraid of what might happen to them if they tried to leave, or didn’t do what the Leader commanded.  Typically, it’s a combination of all of the above.  Destructive cults will either hurt others outside of their circle (The Manson Family, Sect of Nacozari), harm themselves (Heaven’s Gate, The Ant Hill Kids), or both (The People’s Temple, Aum Sinrikyo).  

Now that I’ve laid this foundation, I’m going to tell you why it was practically inevitable that Severus Snape would join a cult.

Snape’s childhood ultimately laid the foundation for the mental state he would be in when he decided to join the Death Eaters.  He grew up in an abusive household, where his father, the muggle, had his magical wife so thoroughly whipped, that she couldn’t (or chose not to) use magic to defend herself, or her son (1).  Eileen had obviously told Severus about magic, about Hogwarts, about what a wonderful place it was, and what a wonderful gift magic could be.  Severus also watched as Tobias beat the magic out of her.  (I know it’s debated whether Tobias actually physically abused his family, but he certainly verbally/mentally/emotionally abused them, so the term “beat” could be used figuratively as well).  I don’t think it’s unreasonable to believe that Severus developed an extreme hatred of muggles with “burn the witch” mentalities from a very young age because of this.

Enter Lily, perhaps the only other magical person in his life besides his mother up to this point. He sees her using magic out in the open, perhaps recklessly, for fun, and he sees an opportunity to make a friend (and, admittedly, to be smarter than someone about something for a while). He was so eager to tell her all about magic, because getting to learn magic, and go to Hogwarts, has possibly been the only thing keeping him going in his young life.  And now he’s made a friend, a real friend who doesn’t think he’s weird because he’s magical.  Unlike Petunia, yet another muggle who makes fun of him for being weird (2). And Lily actually seems to like him back.  For a kid who probably hasn’t received a lot of affection in his life, this is monumental.  This friendship is everything.  Why wouldn’t he love her?

So the time finally comes to go to Hogwarts.  Severus gets to escape his abusive household, and finally has an opportunity to embrace magic for the first time in his life.  But almost immediately, he’s met with a hic-up.  Specifically, James Potter and Sirius Black.  So Severus is no longer facing abuse exclusively from muggles who think he’s weird, but now he’s also getting it from other magical people who think he’s weird (3).  And this started on the fucking TRAIN before he even GOT to Hogwarts. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t sour a kids dream right off the fucking bat.  And then, when he finally gets there, he’s separated from his only friend, by being sorted into different houses (4).  What a way for a life-long dream to be thoroughly dashed in less than 24 hours.

Let’s look at Snape’s Hogwarts experience.  He’s a good student, and he pours himself into learning as much magic as possible, and at being the best he can possibly be, probably motivated by a desire to be better than what his Father thinks possible.  During this time, he is regularly bullied and abused by the Marauders. Sometime before his 5th year, the Incident at the Shrieking Shack took place.  It definitely sucks to have been so thoroughly fucking duped, and put into a life-threatening situation involving a goddamn werewolf (5).  But perhaps even worse than that, the salt in the wound, was that no one fucking did anything about it (6).  He saw Sirius and James and Remus get out of that situation without facing any sort of proper punishment (as in, they all still stayed at the school as opposed to being expelled like they DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE BEEN (At least Sirius should have been)). Dumbledore was looking out for the Marauders, but no one was looking out for Severus.  On top of that, Severus isn’t allowed to TELL anyone about it, not even Lily.  So, he goes through what was possibly one of the most traumatic experiences of his life, and he can’t even tell anyone that it happened.

So, what sort of support system does Severus have during all this?  He has Lily, sure (who literally told him he should be GRATEFUL to James, one of his abusers).  But, what he really has, is Slytherin House (7). I’ll say it plainly: Severus was sorted into a house that was already full of existing cult members.  McGonagall says in Sorcerer’s Stone that “Your house will be like your family” (she at least says it in the movies, I’m too lazy to get up and reference my books rn lol).  So, Severus’ family, his support system, for 10 months out of every year, is a house that is already full to the brim with pureblood elitists with prejudiced ideals, who would absolutely vindicate Severus in his dislike for muggles.  As a kid first getting sorted into the house, it’s obviously not unreasonable to become friends with the people you’re literally living with.  His dorm mates became his family.  So, when his dorm mates started to become Death Eaters… This is headcanon, I fully admit, but like, fuck, Severus didn’t have a lot of friends, and was probably already drifting apart from Lily.  Do you really think he was going to tell the people he had to live with every single day, not to mention the only people that had been supporting him for years, to go fuck themselves for using Dark Magic?  Especially when he was probably feeling like he was on the verge of thinking that their rhetoric made some sense?

On to Snape’s Worst Memory (8).  At this point, he’s spent 5 years in Slytherin House, with fellow students who casually throw around the M word.  He gets attacked by James and Sirius, he’s practically defenseless, and then the girl who he’d considered his closest friend for so long… has to force herself not to smile when he’s thrown upside down and exposed to everyone on the grounds.  Sure, she was trying to defend him at first, but she also fucking nearly smiled at his humiliation, his pain, his abuse.  So he hurls the one word that he knows is going to cut the deepest, that will hopefully hurt her as badly as she has hurt him. And it works.

Severus had been beaten down his entire life.  By Muggles and Magic Folk alike.  And finally, he’s betrayed by Lily, his last lifeline to the light.  He betrayed her as well, of course.  But he did try to show remorse.  And she doesn’t forgive him (9), which was her prerogative, of course.  

So.  Who does he have left?

I’ve placed little (numbers) throughout my writing here.  Each of those numbers denote the specific events that led Severus to becoming an angry young man, who hates muggles, hates (some) magic folk, and resulted in him feeling weak, helpless, and desperate.  For what?  For power, for a family, for a community.  For a world where he is no longer the weird one.  For a world where he’s respected, strong.  For the world he thought he was going to be a part of, when he arrived at Hogwarts in his first year.

And it just so happens that this is the exact world that Voldemort is (allegedly) trying to create.

Severus Snape was angry, and vulnerable, and as such, he was practically the poster child for the type of person who would be susceptible to falling for a cult.  Maybe he was recruited by his friends in Slytherin House.  Maybe he was recruited directly.  Either way, charismatic Tom Riddle came along, understood how he felt, where he was coming from, told him he deserved better, and offered him all of the things he never had in his life.  And being at rock bottom, being the lowest of the low, to Severus it must have seemed like a miracle of an opportunity, or perhaps, like the only chance he had left.

Now, let me be extremely clear; everything I’ve written is not trying to EXCUSE Severus Snape for his actions.  There is always a point where personal responsibility must come into play.  Except for children born into cults or victims of kidnapping, nearly every person who has ever joined a cult has made the personal decision to join it. I’m just trying to express how unbelievably easy it is, for a Cult Leader to find people with damaged lives and low self-worth, to suck them in with promises of a fulfilling life and grandeur, and for those people to be easily swept up and brainwashed into believing that what they are doing is right.  (Or that what they are doing is required, because the alternative is more horrifying.)  

The type of people who joined the Death Eaters are the same type of people who joined Heaven’s Gate, or The People’s Temple, or yes, The Manson Family.  Now, I’m just going to say, from my own personal point of view, I do not vilify anyone who’s ever joined a destructive cult.  On the contrary, I feel sorry for them.  Because most people who join a cult, don’t necessarily do it signing up for the… end result of what happened to them.  Some of them totally do, like Heaven’s Gate. Most of them knew that the end result was going to be the “evacuation of their earthly vessel”.  But the people who joined the Manson Family, for instance, did not initially join it KNOWING how it was going to end.  They were part of the family long before Manson even came up with Helter Skelter, and by the time the Tate-LaBianca Murders took place, they were already too far gone to go against it.

I highly recommend anyone who’s interested in a humanizing view of former cult members, to read the essay “Leslie Van Houten: A Friendship” by John Waters. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/leslie-van-houten-a-frien_b_246953

Or, at the very least, listen to this 7 minute NPR interview with John Waters about the essay https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111585116

It’s the story of how notorious film maker John Waters, became friends with former Manson Girl, Leslie Van Houten, and about how she broke away from the cult after her conviction, how she’s spent the last 51 years of her life recovering from the psychotic influence of a maniac who’d promised her the world, and how even though she was convicted to life WITH a possibility of parole, it’s never been granted to her, despite the fact that she has done literally everything possible to try and atone for her crimes.

Maybe I’m just a bleeding heart.  I’m pretty much the only person I know who feels sorry for Leslie Van Houten and other cult members who were brainwashed, abused, and manipulated into doing a lot of the horrible things they’ve done.  But there are people in the world, who have committed FAR more heinous crimes than the Manson Family murders, and who are far less repentant than Leslie, but because those crimes weren’t as notorious, they get to walk free.

Addendum: When I first posted this, I had a few people point out to me that they had always associated Voldemort and the Death Eaters with Hitler and Nazi Germany.  This is a perfectly fair point, but one that I personally don’t jive with, and the reason is simply the numbers.   There were literally millions of people in the Nazi party during WW2.   Death Eaters don’t even reach triple digits, as far as I’m aware.  As I hinted at in this essay, I consider Voldemort and the Death Eaters to be MUCH closer to Charles Manson and the Manson Family.  The Manson Family 100% had Nazi ideology, of course. "Helter Skelter” was Charles Manson’s prediction that there was going to be a massive race war; one that the Whites were going to lose, and that he and his Pure White family would emerge from it in order to rule over the remaining Blacks.  Kinda... sounds like a Death Eater thing, huh?

Sorry.  Back to Snape.  There is a lot we don’t know about Severus’ actual time as a Death Eater. I think it can be reasonably assumed he’s never actually killed anyone before Dumbledore (In Prince’s Tale, Severus questions if his soul would be safe from killing Dumbledore, and Dumbledore implies that his soul would not be damaged by helping an old man avoid pain and humiliation.  This leads me to believe that Severus never committed any soul-damaging murders before this).  Beyond being a sneaky spy and delivering the prophecy to Voldemort, his time as a Death Eater is all up for conjecture.  

Severus does make one important deviation from the typical cult member mold, however.  In the end, he manages to break away from the cult.  The scales fall from his eyes.  In a figurative sense, the LSD has worn off.  What made him sober up, was the threat to his last lifeline to the light. The one good fucking thing he’d ever had in his miserable life.  He was brought back by genuine love.  Ya know, the ENTIRE MESSAGE OF THE HP SERIES. And not only did he leave the cult, but he then spent the rest of his life actively attempting to destroy it, and atone for the mistakes he’s made, in an effort to bring back the world he’d been excited for, as an 11-year-old kid, so full of hope.

[timextoxhajima]

hi dana.. if it’s possible can i request some angsty wangsty based on niki la la lost you with eric🥺 and ughh i really love your writing like crazyyyyy

♥ title: la la lost you in april [also part of @sunlightwoo ‘s 12 Months I Loved You collaboration project]

♥ member: tbz eric

♥ genre: f2l, ex! eric x fem! reader, model! eric [SFW!]

♥ warnings: swearing, some mentions of sex [like, once i think]

♥ wc: 3.4k

♥ a/n: sis when i first heard the song I absolutely loved how you used 'angsty wangsty' so I hope this one does it for you the way you imagined it <3 [fyi i wrote it in like, a camcorder recording audio format which is something i’m trying out so please hmu on whether it’s difficult to read/understand!]

[REC: APRIL 2, 2019 - 6:39PM] SOLO LOG #1

Are you seeing this? This is the most beautiful sunset I’ve seen. I gotta get a shot of this-

Hey! Hey! I could help you take a picture with the sunset if you want to!

Oh! Would- Would you? That’d be great!

Of course! 

...

Here. Is it alright?

Yeah, yeah, it’s cool! Thank you so much!

Are you recording something? Is it a- Are you vlogging? Are you a vlogger?

Yeah, no... I’m actually on a solo trip for a bit.

Oh, where are you from?

Just the next state. 

Ah! You’re taking a break off... life then? I assume? Sorry if that came out weird.

No! No no! It’s alright! Yeah, I just needed a short break from... y’know, school and everything. My semester ended pretty early on so I took the chance to come out here and... see some new sights, meet some new people.

I get that. Well, for a start, what’s your name?

Oh, I’m y/n. Nice to meet you! And you?

I’m Eric. 

[REC: APRIL 4, 2019 - 10:34PM] SOLO LOG #2

It is the 4th of April, 2019. I know, I know, I’m meant to do a daily vlog for all the 50 days I’m here but... it’s been... wow. Um... so I met Eric, the first day I touched down. The beach is just, about a 10 minute walk down and the sunsets are absolutely gorgeous. But uh... call me a fool and say that I’m living in the clouds but- what are the chances?

He’s funny, he’s such a great person to be around with y’know? Never a moment of like, awkwardness or stress and my God, look at me talking about a boy like that, though I met him 2 days ago. 

...

Um, he’s a freelance model. For those freelance shoots by UNIQLO or Target or something and he complains about the pay sometimes, but he looks good infront of a camera, so he’s... actually the one who won at life, really.

I’m not seeing him soon because he’s got a shoot out of town and he’ll be back next week. But I did get his number and he’s been texting me since. 

...

Wouldn’t it be funny if we end up together and then I have this whackass of a reel to show him? Jesus... I need to stop getting ahead of myself here. Freakin’ living in the clouds, aren’t I?

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and see if I can get my weird projector shit up and working. See you.

[REC: APRIL 7, 2019 - 5:14AM] SOLO LOG #3

It is... 5am... uh, April 7th- and I was just binging FRIENDS through the night, waiting for the sunrise before I get some shut eye and then... Eric just asked me out. Oh my God! Um, he’s coming back this Thursday and I’ll go see him at the airport before we go get dinner.

It was really funny ‘cause he had to wake up early for a shoot today and so his day has just begun but mine’s coming to an end and I just- I’m rambling so much, it’s kinda- it’s kinda sad, isn’t it?

I think I’m too happy to sleep right now so I’m just gonna text him some more before the sun rises- oh! He replied!

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and finish up this last episode before sleeping. Hopeful I can sleep. Bye!

[REC: APRIL 11, 2019 - 4:28PM] SOLO LOG #4

I am on my way out right now to go meet Eric at the airport, and I’m... it’d be an understatement to say that I’m excited. I know I’ve only known him for like, 2 days before he left but... I miss him. Is that possible? Missing someone despite knowing them for 2 days?

Anyway, I gotta go. Don’t wanna be late to see him.

[REC: APRIL 13, 2019 - 10:23AM] SOLO LOG #5

Oh! Is that what you had-

Yeah! It’s the same camera!

What are you vlogging for, actually? Like-

Nothing, really. It’s just for my own usage-

Wait, you didn’t like set that up last night while we-

Oh, God, no! Who do you think I am?

I don’t know, I mean, we’ve known each other for... is it two weeks-

Just under two weeks-

Jeez-

I know, I know, oh my God.

...

I don’t regret it though. Yeah, like- I don’t really go down to the beach that often in the first place and it just- it just so happened that you were there that day and I saw you struggling with this old thing-

I was not struggling!

Yeah you were!

I wasn’t-

I’m kidding! Gosh, you’re so cute.

...

Are you gonna have the camera recording while this carries on?

I forgot it was on-

One day we’re gonna accidentally make a sex tape-

Eric!

[REC: APRIL 17, 2019 - 1:15AM] SOLO LOG #6

-ould you pass me the hot water?

Mm? What?

The kettle over on the counter. Careful, it’s hot. Yeah, thanks.

Do you need help with-

It’s just instant noodles, sweet. Doubt I need a diploma for this. You’re recording again?

Yeah, does it bother you?

No, no, ‘course not. Though that means I can’t really do whatever I want to now.

What does that mea-

...

I can... still taste that bit of milk tea you had just now-

Could you tell it’s zero sugar?

I don’t think that matters, it’s still sweet and not great for your health to have that so much.

Aw, and yet you’re the one who suggested noodles at this timing, yeah?

You were hungry too!

...

Here, it’s done. Help me get the bowls? 

Did you even wash these?

Yeah, I did. If you don’t trust me, you can run them under the water for a bit.

Mhm. Here.

If it’s not enough, we can call for Macs.

Y’know, I’ve never had Macs past midnight back at home.

What? Really? Well, when you get back in May, would you try?

Yeah, why not? Maybe I’ll do that when I’m back in school. 

...

What date is it today?

April... hold on, um, 17. Careful, that’s hot.

...

When are you leaving again?

May 22. 

Are you planning on coming back anytime soon after?

I don’t know. I have school to worry about and the only other time I can come back’s probably during winter break in November.

...

I won’t be around in November.

Mm? Why not?

I’m moving.

To where?

I’m not sure yet, but I need to move depending on whether I get it and where the shoot’s at.

Shoot? It’s a big project, huh?

Yeah, it’s- it’s a pretty big deal.

...

I’ll- Let me just go and...

[REC: APRIL 20, 2019 - 7:49PM] SOLO LOG #7

-idn’t have to!

No, c’mon! It’s such a great time to get this on camera! Come on, tell us what just happened!

Well, I just scored a huge model contract with Calvin Klein - in Manhattan.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m so fucking proud of you, oh my God! Can you believe it-

No, fuck off, I can’t either! 

Oh! Calvin Klein!

...

I swear, you’re an angel sent to me-

Fuck off!

I’m serious! it’s so timely- I just can’t- I’m just so happy to have met you.

...

Well, you heard it first here, ladies and gentlemen. Eric Sohn is a new model for Calvin Klein - Manhattan.

[REC: APRIL 21, 2019 - 12:40PM] SOLO LOG #8

It is 12.40pm... April 21st, 2019. I’m finally back in my apartment after crashing at Eric’s for the last... 10 days? I think it was 10 days. My clothes were running out and I didn’t want to hike up his water bills so I just came back and- y’know did my own laundry.

...

Well, it’s- it’s been an absolute dream. The last thing I expected to... have, or meet? Here, is Eric. Um, but I know I’m probably going to regret this. Especially when May 22 comes. Uh... this is... it’s real bad. I mean, we’re great, y’know? But... it’s bad, because I know it’ll hurt. Like a bitch. When my time here is up, and I gotta go back to my reality, and Eric’s gotta stick to his. 

We haven’t really talked about it. May. I don’t think he wants to, and I don’t think I want to either. 50 days is too short. Either that, or I shouldn’t have come here in the first place. I shouldn’t have gone to the beach that day, in that hour. 

...

I just wish we had more time. I wish 24 hours were... maybe about 100 seconds more per minute. Does that make sense? 160 seconds per minute. Then again, I don’t think that’d solve my problem. I’ll still be on a ticking... time bomb. 

...

I know I shouldn’t say this. I know I can’t. I know I can’t afford to. But... I... I love him. I love Eric. With every... bit of me. It’s so... disgustingly cliché, but I feel so... comfortable with him. There’s really nothing we’d fight about, and even if we disagreed on something, we’d play it off like a debate, then forget about it the next day.

...

I love him. I do. And I’m going to regret this later. Without a doubt.

...

[REC: APRIL 27, 2019 - 2:02AM] SOLO LOG #9

-ou can see the stars?

I don’t know, that’s why I’m trying, sweet.

...

Can you see them?

Yeah, maybe if I just turn this ISO- Oh! I can kinda see the North Star-

Oh! Yeah, you can! It’s really feint though.

Right.

It’s okay, we can just lay it down here-

On the grass? Will your camera be fine?

Yeah, yeah, or else you can just put in on top of my bag- here.

...

Here, can you see me? Am I in frame?

Yeah, you’re in frame.

Okay, great. Now get over here!

...

I can taste the smoothie you had just now.

Too sweet?

A little.

...

Oh my God! Put me down! Oh- not there! It’s ticklish- AHHHHH!

...

y/n, I have something to tell you.

Mm? What is it?

...

Hello? Earth to Eric?

I... I love you. So much... and I can’t bear to see you go in May. 

Oh, Eric...

No, I- I don’t want you to stay- or even think about it, ‘cause, you have your priorities and I have mine y’know...

Mhm.

I just... I just wished we had more time. 

I do too. I really do.

...

Eric?

Hm?

I love you too.

...

...

...

[REC: MAY 1, 2019 - 4:23AM] SOLO LOG #10

1st May. 4...30? Am? I believe. Um, Eric’s sound asleep in his bed and I couldn’t sleep so I decided to do a log. 

...

I have... 3 weeks left. 4 weeks have gone past just like that, and I don’t know what to think about it. I came for a 50-day retreat. No stress, just myself and peace and quiet and tranquility and yet-

...

I- I don’t know if I can do this.

...

[REC: MAY 7, 2019 - 3:58PM] SOLO LOG #11

So, Eric’s in shoot right now and I’m on the way into the studio with some donuts and coffee to surprise him. I called his manager and asked if it was okay so- I’m pretty psyched to see his workspace. 

...

Hi, I’m y/n, I’m here to visit Eric?

Ah, okay! Hold on, let me just get you signed in with the pass-

Count me in!

You sure? This Saturday at the prep-party?

Yeah- Oh! 

Eric!

y/n! What are you doing here?

I wanted to surprise you. Am I... interrupting anything?

Oh, not at all!

You must be y/n! Eric’s told me so much about you!

Did he? And you are...?

I’m Chelsea! I’ve been attached to the same Calvin Klein contract he recently got, so you could say we’re colleagues!

Well, nice to meet you! Oh, right, these donuts and coffee are meant for you guys actually!

Oh! You’re too kind! Eric, you’re such a lucky man.

I know, she’s just... everything.

Anyway, thank you so much for these. I’ll bring them back down to the studio for the crew to share. But Eric’s pretty much done for the day actually, so you guys can leave if you want to!

Are you sure? Don’t you need help downstairs with the equipment?

No, no! It’s fine, there’re more than enough people downstairs. Go have your date, and maybe you can bring her along with you for the prep-party this weekend!

What’s the prep-party... preparing for?

Oh, you’re so adorable! It’s a prep-party for the end-of-May shoot we’re gonna have. it’s a collab with DAZED so it’s a pretty big project.

You never told me you were involved in a collab with DAZED.

I was gonna tell you today.

He has been pretty busy recently, maybe slipped his mind. Anyway, thank you so much for the donuts and I’ll hope to see you at the pier this Saturday, mm?

Yeah, sure. Thanks Chels.

No problem! It was so nice to meet you, y/n, I’ll see you Saturday!

Okay, bye!

Bye, Chelsea! It was nice to meet you!

Bye!

...

Sweet, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?

I wanted it to be a surprise. I thought you said you’d end pretty late?

The filming was cut short because the shots were better than expected so we ended early.

Oh, I wanted to film you while you were at work.

You have that on?

Yeah- why?

No, just wondering. 

Are you uncomfortable?

No, no, it’s just... I really didn’t expect you to come to the studio. 

...

[REC: MAY 11, 2019 - 11:12PM] SOLO LOG #12

It’s 11:12pm, 11th May, 2019. 11 days to departure.

...

I... saw... Chelsea and Eric... um, out by the garage- 

...

Well, I guess... it looked like they were just... having a really good talk. Or something. 

...

I left. I couldn’t watch it. So, I left without telling Eric. I did tell his boss that I wasn’t feeling well and I had to leave first. 

...

I guess this is the part where I regret it, isn’t it? Um... I don’t know... how... I’m gonna explain this to him when I see him again. Which is supposed to be- um- the rest of the night. I was supposed to go back to his place with him and I’ll stay for the weekend before I come back to pack my things, so-

...

y/n, are you home?

...

shit.

y/n, I know you’re home. I heard you talking. Open the door, I need to talk to you.

...

[REC: MAY 12, 2019 - 2:00AM] SOLO LOG #13

...

I look like shit, don’t I? God, my eyes hurt like a bitch. 

...

I don’t think I need to say what just happened for you to guess what just happened, right? This... says it all. 

...

Fuck. 

...

I shouldn’t have come here. How did- How did my retreat turn out- turn out like this? 

...

This is- This is too much. Too much in too short... of a time. 

...

I don’t think... I don’t think I can do it. Not anymore. 

...

[REC: MAY 19, 2019 - 9:59AM] SOLO LOG #14

It’s May 19th, 2019, almost 10am. I just came back from a morning walk by the beach just to... reminisce a little before I leave on Wednesday. 

...

I... haven’t seen Eric since the prep-party. I blocked him and I told him not to come over, though I think he has, like, a few times. I thought I heard someone come up to my door, but he never knocked. 

...

So, this is how it ends, huh? A 50-day romance cut short like that. Into about, 40? 

...

It’s crazy to think that I had... the experience of a whole relationship in 40 days. I definitely did not sign up for that when I booked this 50-day retreat. 

...

It was fun while it lasted, though. It was. I don’t think I’d find anybody else like Eric, and I guess it just sucks that it had to end like that. Things happen, right? That aren’t... in our control. 

...

...

...

[REC: MAY 21, 2019 - 8:07PM] SOLO LOG #15

May 21st. About 8pm. I leave in about 15 hours. 

...

All my stuff’s packed. Definitely more things to bring home than I brought here. Half of these things were bought by Eric and given to me. I’m... actually not sure if I should bring them back. 

...

I don’t- I just don’t think I’d have the heart to throw them away.

...

Nor look at them when I’m home. 

...

Should I even bring this camera home? Maybe I should wipe your memory before I bring you home, hmm?

...

It feels like a dream, doesn’t it? Everything that’s happened. It feels like a fever dream. Maybe when I’m finally home, I’d wake up and it’d be the day I come here.

...

Maybe.

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 10:03AM] SOLO LOG #16

-ny more luggage?

Nope.

Alright then, I think you’re all set. You still have about an hour’s time before the gates are open so you can get a cup of coffee or something, yeah?

Okay, thank you!

Have a nice flight ma’am.

Thanks.

...

Good evening ma’am, can I check your boarding pass?

Yeah, sure.

...

Okay, you’re good to go. Have a safe flight.

Thank you!

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 11:34AM] SOLO LOG #17

It is about 11.30am and I’m on the flight, and here’s the view outside. Sky’s pretty clear and this thing says that the weather’s great so, it should be a smooth flight without turbulence.

...

This is it. This is really it. 

...

...

...

Um-

Hi, ma’am, I’m gonna need you to keep your camcorder.

Oh! Yeah, sure, sure, sorry!

[REC: APRIL 2, 2020 - 12:48AM] ERIC LOG #1

Wow, this is... weird. How did you do this last year?

...

Um, hi. y/n. If you’re watching this then I’ve somehow managed to get this synced into your camera by some weird... bluetooth, iCloud shit that Felix helped me figure out. 

...

It’s been a year. And... I just thought you should... see this, or hear me out, at least. I know we didn’t end on the best terms... and I’m sorry. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have yelled at you for being unreasonable for something that was... suspicious. I should’ve understood. 

...

I should’ve been there. To see you off. And I’m sorry I didn’t. I... was scared, that I wouldn’t be able to let you go if I went to send you off. I was a coward. I still am. 

...

But I do want you to know that... those 50 days were the best days of my life. Albeit it ended horribly, but nothing could... nothing- nothing will ever replace what happened last April. 

...

I said I love you and... I still do. Every day I think about you and your smile and your voice and- and I cry to sleep... worrying that I’d forget how you sound like, or how you laugh and how... how you smell like. My bed smelt like you even after you left. 

...

I just- I love you. And I miss you. And I’d do anything to go back to what we had. I’d do anything to get- to get you back. 

...

I’m sorry.

...

the clip comes to an automatic stop. the white triangle slapped onto the screen, begging you to play it again. you look up from the screen, watching the famous calvin klein ad that hasn’t stopped playing in the last month. 

he hasn’t changed one bit. not his hair, not his smile, not his voice. 

it’s a bittersweet pot of memory stashed in the back of your head when the memories flood back. looking back down at the camera, you count back the days - it was synced just last night. 

the pile of tissues by your thighs are carelessly huddled into the bin next to your feet, mentally berating yourself for going through the memory instead of formatting it. 

you stand, fingers shutting the screen back onto its body with a soft click. the tv blacks out when you press the red button on its remote. 

you’re halfway into your kitchen when there’s a knock at your door, and you immediately gasp, blinking rapidly.

“oh, it’s my fucking projector!”

rushing to the door, you don’t hesitate to get the door open. 

and yet, like the heavens were providing you with all the light to stop you from doubting yourself, your lungs empty themselves like vacuums. 

your heart stops.

your breathing stops.

“eric... what are you doing here?”