#Training Event 2019 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

delphoxqueen · 3 months

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The Osomatsu-San Iceberg 2.0!

(Click More For Full Explanation)

*- Take Caution When Researching

Tier 1-

Osomatsu-Kun- A Comedy Manga by Fujio Akatsuka which ran from 1962 to 1969 which followed a group of sextuplet (a multiple birth of six children) brothers. It was later adapted into two anime, one by Studio Zero in 1966 and another by Studio Pierrot in 1988 as well as spin-off by Studio Pierrot in 2015 titled “Osomatsu-San” which follows the sextuplets in their 20-somethings as NEETS.

Fourth-Wall Breaks- Osomatsu-San has multiple moments where the characters will break the fourth wall, such as in the first episode where the characters try to be a “proper anime”, or worship Fujio Akatsuka like a god.

Visual Distinguishers- The Matsuno Brothers have multiple visual distinguishers so the audience can more easily tell the brothers apart. Examples include: Signature Color, Hairstyles, and Facial Expressions. The brothers were given different colors supposedly because the character designer couldn’t tell the difference between them.

Parodies + References- The anime makes dozens of parodies and references to other anime/popular media such as Attack on Titan, Saw, Demon Slayer, Naruto, and Sailor Moon. The anime’s extreme popularity in Japan also led to other anime to parody and reference Osomatsu-San including The Disastrous Life of Saiki K, Love Rice, and JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. Osomatsu-San has too many references to other anime and there’s too many references to Osomatsu-San from other media, so I just included it as one entry.

NEET- A common acronym in Japan which stands for Not in Education, Employment, or Training, but also includes anyone who is not engaged in housework, unemployed, not seeking work, and not in any school or work-related training.

F6- The F6 are the idealized version of the Matsuno brothers that parody pretty-boy anime. The “F” in F6 stands for Fujio, as in Fujio Akatsuka, the creator of the original manga. In the first episode, their first appearance, Ichimatsu transforms into a hybrid stylization of the 2015 anime and the 1966 anime, but in the season finale they are seen alongside the Matsuno brothers, implying they are separate characters.

___Matsu Boys and Girls- The fan term for each of the six brothers, based on Karamatsu’s line calling his fans his “Karamatsu girls and boys”.

Banned 1st Episode- The 1st episode of the anime was banned in Japan due to copyright law, as Japan has no clause for parody and has a more strict interpretation of fair use. It was never confirmed which company filed a copyright infringement against Osomatsu-San, but there is a theory that the Attack on Titan parody was the main culprit. The episode has still not been released on physical media and all streaming services do not carry the first episode, instead beginning the series on the second episode.

The Osomatsu-San Movie- Released on March 15th 2019, the movie follows the brothers traveling back in time to meet their high school selves and to resolve one of the brothers’ biggest regrets.

Collab Ad Campaigns- Osomatsu-San has collaborated with dozens of other brands on merchandise/advertisement campaigns. Many of these collaborations have created special events and merchandise for Osomatsu-San. Examples include: Ministop, Sweets Paradise, Dohtonbori Okonomiyaki, and Sanrio.

Akatsuka’s 80th- Osomatsu-San was created in honor of Fujio Akatsuka’s 80th Birthday and death, having died at 72 in 2008.

Todomatsu Face Meme- In the episode “Todomatsu and the 5 Demons” Todomatsu makes a face at his brothers for talking to the Sutabaa baristas, which has become a meme that has even spread outside the Osomatsu-San fandom.

Tier 2-

Homura-Chan is a Porn Actress- Although nothing is stated outright, it is heavily implied in her first episode appearance that she is a porn actress as Osomatsu finds a porn movie and seems surprised by the cover before going on to have a conversation with Jyushimatsu which Jyushi ultimately avoids.

Karamatsu Wears Contacts- A fun fact that few in the fandom seem to remember is that Karamatsu wears contact lenses. Although he (and all the Matsuno Brothers) have brown eyes, he wears brown contacts, but the presumed reason he wears contacts is because circle contacts (mainly worn by cosplayers and Japanese teen girls) make eyes look bigger and cuter- which is why Osomatsu insults him for wearing them.

Episode 3.5- Also titled “Episode 3.5: Virgin Heroes”, an episode was created to be put on home media releases to replace the 1st episode due to the ban. It is chronologically after Episode 3 but before Episode 4 and has two segments. The first segment features the F6 in a parody commercial, with the second focusing on Choromatsu seeing a group of college kids having a barbecue and being visited by the Cherry Boys (the other five Matsuno brothers in Power-Ranger parody outfits)

BLMatsu- A fandom term for incest ships involving the Matsuno brothers romantically or sexually. BL stands for Boys Love, which is a popular anime and manga term for gay male pairings typically aimed at women. Common ships include OsoChoro and KaraIchi.

Broken Heart Tongue- A small detail in the series is that whenever Jyushimatsu is depicted smiling, his tongue is in the shape of a heart, but in the episode “Jyushimatsu’s Girlfriend” when Jyushimatsu is crying at Chibita’s Oden stand, his tongue is a broken heart.

Matsus Unknown Age- The brothers’ age has never been specified in the Osomatsu-San anime. They are said to “not be older than 24 or 25” and that their parents have been married 24 years and they were born soon after, so they have been assumed to be around 24 but it has never been confirmed.

Girlymatsus not Related- A common misconception in the fandom is that the Girlymatsus are sisters, or the earlier fan theory in Season 1 that they are the Matsuno brothers in drag- but the Girlymatsus were later confirmed just to be friends.

An Anecdote With Horses- An exclusive episode made in collaboration with the Japan Racing Association (JRA) which aired on December 16th, 2016 which featured skits of the Matsuno brothers racing horses.

English Dub Production Issues- After Viz Media acquired the rights to Osomatsu-San, it came out in September 2020 that the English Dub of Osomatsu-San was delayed to be reworked as well as having to replace Christopher Niosi (Choromatsu’s original VA) with Sean Chiplock, due to abuse allegations which Christopher later confessed to.

4th ED is the only ED without stop-motion- While the majority of the Osomatsu-San ending themes feature stop-motion using a variety of items such as toys, clothing, and food; the 4th ending (the second ending of the second season) uses slow-motion footage of paint being dumped onto busts of the Matsuno brothers.

Pine Tree- The kanji for “Matsu” translates to Pine Tree, which is why the pine tree symbol is so frequent in the show’s iconography, such as in the title and on the brothers’ sweaters.

The Hipipo Tribe and The Glistening Fruit- The first of two movies released to celebrate the sixth anniversary of the anime, which features the brothers journeying to find a fruit which grants wishes before encountering the Hipipo Tribe.

Hatabou’s Meat- In the episode “Tell Us, Hatabou”, Hatabou sells meat out of a variety of vendors, but when the brothers ask what kind of meat it is he refuses to answer. Earlier in the episode his employees try to boot him from the company, which leads to his new business venture, implying that the meat is of his former employees though it is never stated outright within the show.

The Soul’s Takoyaki Party and The Legendary Sleepover Party- The second of the two movies released to celebrate the sixth anniversary of the anime, which features the brothers hosting a takoyaki (grilled dough balls with octopus inside with a variety of toppings) party which turns into a sleepover.

Hair Color Change- In the original series Osomatsu-Kun, both the 60s and 80s, the brothers had brown hair but in Osomatsu-San they are depicted with black hair.

Tier 3-

May 24th- The Birthday of the Matsuno Brothers.

Fandubs- Due to the long development time and many delays of the official English Dub, there are multiple fandom dubs of the anime.

Fan Vocaloids- The Osomatsu-San fandom has many popular fan vocaloid covers, some of the most well-known including Matryoshka, Normie Eradication Committee, Rolling Girl, and LOVE 1000%.

Hesokuri Wars/Tabimatsu- Also known as “Osomatsu-San Hesokuri Wars -Battle of the NEETS-“ is tower-defense style strategy mobile game that was released in Japan in 2016 and later being released in English in 2017, before being shut down on October 2nd of 2022 to make way for Tabimatsu. Players would choose a team of 10 characters to fight through stages, with dozens of exclusive events and character variations being released. Many popular AUs in the fandom were inspired by sets released for Hesokuri Wars.

Each Brother’s Name Meaning- Osomatsu translates to lame, or Osoi which means slow- referring to him being the most “basic” of the brothers and lazy. Kara can mean emptiness, referring to his narcissism and chasing his brothers’ approval. Choroi translates to simple, referring to his more average personality. Ichimatsumuyo means checkered pattern (along the lines of a Go board). Jyushimatsu translates to society finch, which are known to be kind like Jyushi. Todomatsu meaning Manchurian fir or “finally”, as “finally” was his catchphrase in the original 60s anime.

Jyushimatsu’s Catchphrase Change- In the first season Jyushimatsu’s main catchphrase was “Muscle Muscle, Hustle Hustle” but in season two and onwards, it was changed more to “Booeh.” There wasn’t any explanation given by the show staff as to why it was changed.

Letter’s Contents- The entire letter Choromatsu had written in “Letter” was never revealed, with only one or two lines spoken by Choromatsu at the beginning of the skit describing what he’d written before later modifying it, leading fans to speculate exactly what was written.

Brothers are pure evil- At the end of the episode “Godmatsu”, in order to defeat Godmatsu the brothers combine their darkness to create Akamatsu. Once Godmatsu is defeated, they absorb only Akamatsu back into themselves, therefore only being made of their evil self. This possibly explains their more violent nature after this point in the series.

AOP Breakup- AOP is an idol group that formed in 2012 under the agency Nikkei Entertainment. The group created multiple songs for the anime, including the theme songs “Zenryoku Batankyu wa Yoiko Dake”, “Hanamaru Pippi wa Yoiko Dake”, “Maboroshi Wink”, and “nice to NEET You!” On December 14th, 2020 the band stated they would be ceasing activities before disbanding in 2021.

Sakurai Drama- Takahiro Sakurai is the original VA for Osomatsu who admitted in 2022 to having cheated on his wife for 10 years, planning to eventually marry his affair partner. Due to this scandal, Osomatsu-San content has been delayed for the past two years.

Religionmatsu- A popular AU which depicts the Matsu brothers as gods, devils, angels, and clergymen. One of the few AUs which was created by the fandom and not inspired by a Hesokuri Wars set.

Sickfics- A fanfiction genre in which one character cares for another who is sick. These fanfics are particularly popular in the Osomatsu-San fandom because of the episode “We Caught a Cold” in which all of the brothers catch a cold and each have a moment to care for the others.

Matsuno Family Dependents- A “wallpaper simulator” type mobile game where the player collects variants of the Matsu brothers and raises them.

Dekapanman- A Parody of Anpanman in which Dekapan dresses up as a hero that gives items from pants to children which was significantly censored due to the controversy and copyright infringement caused by the parody.

Shueisha Manga- Beginning in 2016, a manga series was released alongside the anime. Published by Shueisha in the magazine You from 2016 to 2018 then Cookie from 2018 to 2020 with 10 volumes of stories not featured in the anime.

Only Child Theory- Theory that states that Osomatsu is an Only child with a personality disorder that causes him to develop different personalities that are “his brothers”. As the first known sextuplets to have been born and all survive were born in 1974, many years after the original 60s anime aired. The skit “Sanematsu” is often used as proof for this theory.

Tier 4-

Stage Shows- “Osomatsu-San on Stage: SIX MEN’S SHOW TIME” is a musical adaptation of the original anime, with three seasons matching the anime and having been released on home media.

Episode 10 Controversy- There are some reports of Episode 10 causing controversy upon release for having characters transition to women for personal gain. (Though I will admit, in my research I could not find any comments/posts accusing the show of being transphobic. The only slight criticism I could find was of the ending being too harsh towards Chibita and Iyami’s actions and the episode’s pacing being too slow. I am not claiming that the controversy does or does not exist, or that the episode is or isn’t offensive, I just could not find any evidence in my research of people taking offense to it.)

More Than 6 Brothers- Theory that there are more than 6 brothers as in some scenes in the anime and some promotional material it appears that there’s more than 6 brothers. Though there are episodes in the anime in which another brother is accepted into the group or created such as Godmatsu or Akamatsu.

Where is Orange Matsu?- The brothers all fit the primary (Red- Osomatsu, Yellow- Jyushimatsu, Blue- Karamatsu) and secondary (Green- Choromatsu, Purple- Ichimatsu) colors with the exception of orange as Todomatsu’s main color is pink. This has led some to theorize that there is a secret orange brother. The show creators stated that they made Todomatsu’s color pink to make his style more feminine and youthful, as well as to show that he’s intentionally trying to not fit in with his brothers by not following the same pattern.

Pazzmatsu- AKA Puzzlematsu is a match-3-tiles puzzle mobile game released in Japan in 2016 which continued until April 2018 when it was rebooted as “New Pazzmatsu”.

Doramatsu- A series of audio drama CDs that include unique stories that did not appear in the anime.

Matsus Stay Dead After S2- In the finale of Season 2, the brothers die from a plane crash and are sent to hell for their numerous misdeeds. This theory posits that the brothers stayed dead after the end of season two and that season three is their personal hell. This is a joke theory to explain season three’s shift in focus.

Osomatsu-San the Live-Action Movie- A Live-Action movie with a unique story based on Osomatsu-San with members of the J-Pop group Snow Man playing the Matsu brothers.

Brothers can’t be told apart in 1st promo- In the first promotional image released for the anime, the brothers’ personalities and visual distinguishers hadn’t been ironed out yet so long-time fans of the series noticed that it’s near impossible to distinguish which brother is which in the image. The only brother that is able to be identified is the center brother holding Karamatsu’s signature glasses.

Osomatsu-Kun Grows Up- Technically Osomatsu-San is an alternate universe to the original Osomatsu-Kun series canon, as in 1993 a beer ad was published showing what the Matsu brothers became when they reached adulthood. Osomatsu becomes a salaryman, Karamatsu marries a grocer’s daughter and helps with the family business, Choromatsu becomes a policeman, Ichimatsu marries and becomes a CEO, Jyushimatsu becomes a doctor, and Todomatsu works in a fish market.

Light Novels- Osomatsu-San has spawned a handful of Light Novels and short stories with plots not included in the anime. Examples include: Osomatsu-San the Beforematsu and Aftermatsu, VS Kochikame, and Shut Up Osomatsu.

April Fools- To celebrate April Fools, Osomatsu-San has released multiple fake announcements and fake Tabimatsu sets. This includes the 2015 announcement that the series would be releasing a new Osomatsu-Kun project, the 2017 announcement that a live-action adaptation starring the Byplayers would replace the anime, and the 2019 Tabimatsu set with a Irasutoya art style.

Yamano to Matsuno- The last name of the family was originally Yamano but was changed to Matsuno last minute as Yamano was considered a more “generic” last name.

Tier 5-

Date or Work- Also known as “Osomatsu-San the Game” is an adventure game released in Japan in 2017 for the PSVita. The story has you play as a heroine who gets calls and texts from the brothers asking for advice on their quest to get a job.

Karamatsu is Bisexual- In the first Osomatsu-San movie Karamatsu says “Sorry to keep you waiting, Karamatsu girls and boys!” Also in a drama CD Karamatsu reads off a love poem that he wrote to a male convenience store worker named Kumada Youji. It’s still debated whether the drama CD is canon to the anime and if the line in the movie was just referring to his fans in a non-romantic or sexual sense.

Recycled Scripts- Some of the episodes such as “Iyami, Alone in the Wind”, “ESP Kitty”, and ”The Life of Chibita’s Flower” were based off of chapters of Osomatsu-Kun modified to fit the series. Some skits from Season 3 were also based off of Doramatsu tracks.

Do Matsu’s Smoke?- A topic of debate in the Western fandom, Karamatsu is shown to smoke in multiple episodes and Osomatsu has been shown to be surrounded by cigarette boxes previously but it hasn’t been stated whether the other four brothers smoke.

Brothers had freckles- In the original Akatsuka designs for the brothers, they were designed to have freckles on their cheeks as well as other different facial features. These were changed to make the faces look more cute and easier to draw.

Ichi’s Personality given to Todomatsu- Ichimatsu’s Personality was going to be more snarky and rude than his current more doom and gloom. His characterization was instead given to Todomatsu by Miyu Irino’s suggestion, thinking that the youngest brother being catty would be funnier.

Life-Sized Statues- For the 2016 Summer Wonder Festival, the company Figurex 3D printed life-size statues of the six brothers, with smaller versions of the figures being sold at the event as well. While some have reappeared at Osomatsu-San events, such as the Ichimatsu figure, some have not been seen since their original showcase; this has led fans to search for the statues current locations. There is a link to buy one of the statues from one of the Japanese websites that first reported the event, but the link is now dead and leads to an error page.

Osomatsu-Kun Video Game- AKA “Osomatsu-Kun: Nonsense Theater” is a platforming video game released for the Sega Mega Drive in 1988 based on the original Osomatsu-Kun manga to promote the upcoming anime. The game only had a total of three levels with confusing level design and bad controls that caused it to gain an infamous reputation. It has recently gained a cult following as a kusoge (a Japanese video game that is celebrated for its awful quality.)

Cheaper by the Dozen- The manga was originally loosely based on the TV Show “Cheaper By the Dozen” (an American film from 1950 about a couple and their 12 children) with there being 12 children, but Akatsuka found it too hard to fit 12 characters in a single panel so he decided to cut the amount in half. Eventually changing it to be identical sextuplet brothers.

Denki Mystery- A popular AU that started as a Hesokuri Wars set. As opposed to other Hesokuri Wars sets, Denki Mystery had an entire storyline based on mystery novels, David Lynch films, and Japanese horror.

Iyami + Dekapan Made By Akatsuka’s Assistant- Both the characters Iyami and Dekapan were created by Fujio Akatsuka’s Assistant and later added to the manga.

Rice balls are Govt plants/Destroy NEETS Theory- Theory that the Riceballs were created by the government to reform NEETs to be functioning members of society.

Tier 6-

Six Same Faces #3 Song in Japan- On the week of December 28th, 2015 the song SIX SAME FACES ～今夜は最高!!!!!!~ (the first ending song of the first season) reached #3 on the Billboard Hot 100 in Japan, following the album’s release on December 16th, 2015.

Clone Theory- Theory that states that the brothers were cloned from Osomatsu. (I will admit I cannot find my previous evidence of this theory, if anyone does have proof of someone creating this theory or evidence for the theory please let me know.)

Sheeh Was a Real Trend- Iyami’s catchphrase/punchline used to be a cultural meme when Osomatsu-Kun was big in Japan. Famous figures to imitate Iyami include Godzilla and John Lenon from The Beatles.

VR Game- A virtual reality game collab that ran in Anime Plaza Machida and Adore’s Sunshine Store from 2017 to 2018 in which the player would hang out with the Matsu brothers in the bathhouse. It was later released theatrically as “Movies in VR!” in 2018 with “Evangelion: Another Impact”.

Fesmatsu- To celebrate each season’s release, a festival was thrown which would feature live action skits performed by the voice cast.

Todo is the hardest to animate- According to some of the animators who worked on the first season of the anime, Todomatsu was the hardest to animate of the six brothers because of his more feminine and youthful mannerisms.

Pachinko Games- Pachinko (an arcade gambling game) Games made in collaboration with Osomatsu-San, typically reusing animation from the anime though some have original animation exclusive to particular pachinko games. Examples include: Pachislot: Osomatsu-San, Pachislot: Osomatsu-San ~The Surprise~, & CR Osomatsu-San THE Drum.

Korean Dub Censorship- Due to South Korea’s strict censorship laws, Osomatsu-San was heavily censored by completely removing shots or scenes that featured characters being nude or wearing swimsuits. Some of the ridiculous censoring goes to the point where if a character is wearing a bikini, the entire screen will be cropped to only show their chin and up. Any scenes including nudity, swearing, violence, and sexual references were cut from airing or censored to hell and back (which to be fair is 99% of Osomatsu-San.)

Browser Games- Games that were available through Yahoo, some which were ported to AU SmartPass in the Osomatsu-San NEET Collection. Some examples include: Quiz Battle, Pleasing Totoko-Chan, & Osomatsu-SAN’s Black Factory.

Love Letter Board Game- A board game which players play as the brothers trying to woo Totoko-Chan.

*Matsuno Official Sex Toys- In collaboration with Kanojo Toys, a Japanese adult toy manufacturer, two dildos replicating Ichimatsu’s and Jyushimatsu’s canon lengths were released. The items were meant to be gag gifts but sold better than expected. The official website mocking Jyushimatsu’s girth and Ichimatsu’s length. “Hand massagers” of the other four brothers were also released. I hope y’all like this iceberg because now I’m being aggressively marketed at Japanese sex toys for researching everything on here.

S3E10 Aired on Crunchyroll before Japan- The tenth episode of the third season of the anime was delayed from airing as the channel was broadcasting the TV Tokyo Live 2020 U.S. Women’s Open which had previously been delayed due to rain. Though due to an error, the episode was released on time on streaming platforms early.

Tier 7-

Dmatsu-San- An internet series animated with Flash that aired on NTT DoComo to tie in with season 2 of the anime. The series includes 12 episodes, each at a minute’s length. Each episode features one of the sextuplets interacting with either Totoko or Iyami.

# of Dayons- In the episode “Let’s Get a Job” the brothers work in a factory that is revealed to be creating Dayons or clones of Dayon- as well as in the episode “Dayon Tribe” it’s shown that there’s an entire society living within Dayon’s stomach. This has led fans to question how many Dayons there are in the world of the anime, or if every appearance of Dayon is a different Dayon.

Sheeh-Wave- An internet radio series with the VA for Iyami interviewing other voice actors in character as Iyami. Having two seasons with the first airing from 2015 to 2016 and the second airing from 2017 to 2018 broadcast on Animate.TV.

*PASH Reveals Matsunos fetishes- In a magazine interview with the VAs for the Matsu brothers, each of their VAs had to guess their character’s fetish. Osomatsu- Boobs, Karamatsu- “As long as there’s love”, Choromatsu- “I won’t say” or humiliation as said in a Drama CD, Ichimatsu- Paw pads, Jyushimatsu- “Eh?”, Todomatsu- legs and bellybutton wrinkles.

2 Withheld Skits- 2 skits that were removed after the Dekapanman apology. Presumably parodies of other Japanese children’s media, but no information about what they were have been released.

The Red String of Fate Lost Fan Song- A fan vocaloid that was released on YouTube and Niconico Douga that featured a thumbnail with the sextuplets laying in a circle with a red string connecting them together. The red string wraps around Osomatsu’s finger and forms a heart in Todomatsu’s hands. The song had the brothers sing about their connection together before bursting into tears at the song’s climax. The video has been taken down since 2020 and is now lost media.

*Fetishmatsu- The part of the Osomatsu-San community that creates fetish media featuring Osomatsu-San characters. Please take caution when researching further, because I’m not messing up my search history any further.

*Live-Action Matsu Porn- Osomatsu-San being such a popular series, multiple live-action porn videos featuring the Osomatsu-San characters (mainly featuring Karamatsu & Ichimatsu). Examples include: Karamatsu Maturbates for You, IchiKara Hajimeyo!, and Ichimatsu Spanks It.

*Amputee Karamatsu- An infamous piece of fetishmatsu art that depicts Karamatsu with his legs cut off.

Osomatsu-Sanpo- A Pokemon-GO style game where players would find and catch different variations of the sextuplets through AR on their mobile device. It only ran from February to September 2017.

Swimsuit Hesokuri Set- An unreleased Hesokuri set which has the Matsu brothers wearing pretty plain-looking one-piece bathing suits. Possibly used for testing out game mechanics in updates.

What Does Sheeh Mean?- Iyami’s catchphrase which he will scream out when surprised. When asked what the phrase meant, Fujio Akatsuka never answered, leaving the phrase a mystery to this day.

*IchiKara Endurance Battle- An infamous doujinshi piss fic with Ichimatsu and Karamatsu having an “endurance battle.” Please take caution when researching further.

*Periodmatsu- An image of a Matsu brother drawn in period blood on someone’s thigh posted by the account “Periodmatsu”. It is debated whether the image was faked or real. Often confused for Period Drama Osomatsu-San, an episode from the second season of the anime.

*Banana Milky Way (Meiboku)- An infamous beastiality doujinshi with Ichimatsu and the tiger from S1E10.

*Assault Machine Gun- An infamous 2016 doujinshi by Tellmin in which the Matsu brothers are sexually assaulted and r*ped for not being able to pay their debts to Chibita.

Rejected Bathhouse Quiz Short- A rejected skit from “Christmas Osomatsu-San”. Airing only at the 2017 Spring Nationwide Invitational Screening Festival alongside clips of each Matsu brother depending on which room you entered. Now considered to be lost media.

*Todokaras- An infamous member of the fandom that scammed their fans/followers, groomed minors, promoted beastiality, abused animals, and claimed victimhood. This is just *some* of their behavior. Please take caution when researching further.

Thank you all for all of your support and patience, if you have any questions I will try to answer to the best of my ability!

#osomatsu san #mr osomatsu #ososan #osomatsu matsuno #choromatsu matsuno #jyushimatsu matsuno #mr. osomatsu #karamatsu matsuno #todomatsu matsuno #Osomatsu San iceberg #osomatsu #karamatsu #Choromatsu #ichimatsu matsuno #ichimatsu #jyushimatsu #todomatsu

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mostlysignssomeportents · 11 months

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No, Uber's (still) not profitable

Going to Defcon this weekend? I'm giving a keynote, "An Audacious Plan to Halt the Internet's Enshittification and Throw it Into Reverse," on Saturday at 12:30pm, followed by a book signing at the No Starch Press booth at 2:30pm!

https://info.defcon.org/event/?id=50826

Bezzle (n): 1. "the magic interval when a confidence trickster knows he has the money he has appropriated but the victim does not yet understand that he has lost it" (JK Gabraith) 2. Uber.

Uber was, is, and always will be a bezzle. There are just intrinsic limitations to the profits available to operating a taxi fleet, even if you can misclassify your employees as contractors and steal their wages, even as you force them to bear the cost of buying and maintaining your taxis.

The magic of early Uber – when taxi rides were incredibly cheap, and there were always cars available, and drivers made generous livings behind the wheel – wasn't magic at all. It was just predatory pricing.

Uber lost $0.41 on every dollar they brought in, lighting $33b of its investors' cash on fire. Most of that money came from the Saudi royals, funneled through Softbank, who brought you such bezzles as WeWork – a boring real-estate company masquerading as a high-growth tech company, just as Uber was a boring taxi company masquerading as a tech company.

Predatory pricing used to be illegal, but Chicago School economists convinced judges to stop enforcing the law on the grounds that predatory pricing was impossible because no rational actor would choose to lose money. They (willfully) ignored the obvious possibility that a VC fund could invest in a money-losing business and use predatory pricing to convince retail investors that a pile of shit of sufficient size must have a pony under it somewhere.

This venture predation let investors – like Prince Bone Saw – cash out to suckers, leaving behind a money-losing business that had to invent ever-sweatier accounting tricks and implausible narratives to keep the suckers on the line while they blew town. A bezzle, in other words:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/19/fake-it-till-you-make-it/#millennial-lifestyle-subsidy

Uber is a true bezzle innovator, coming up with all kinds of fairy tales and sci-fi gimmicks to explain how they would convert their money-loser into a profitable business. They spent $2.5b on self-driving cars, producing a vehicle whose mean distance between fatal crashes was half a mile. Then they paid another company $400 million to take this self-licking ice-cream cone off their hands:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/09/herbies-revenge/#100-billion-here-100-billion-there-pretty-soon-youre-talking-real-money

Amazingly, self-driving cars were among the more plausible of Uber's plans. They pissed away hundreds of millions on California's Proposition 22 to institutionalize worker misclassification, only to have the rule struck down because they couldn't be bothered to draft it properly. Then they did it again in Massachusetts:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/06/15/simple-as-abc/#a-big-ask

Remember when Uber was going to plug the holes in its balance sheet with flying cars? Flying cars! Maybe they were just trying to soften us up for their IPO, where they advised investors that the only way they'd ever be profitable is if they could replace every train, bus and tram ride in the world:

https://48hills.org/2019/05/ubers-plans-include-attacking-public-transit/

Honestly, the only way that seems remotely plausible is when it's put next to flying cars for comparison. I guess we can be grateful that they never promised us jetpacks, or, you know, teleportation. Just imagine the market opportunity they could have ascribed to astral projection!

Narrative capitalism has its limits. Once Uber went public, it had to produce financial disclosures that showed the line going up, lest the bezzle come to an end. These balance-sheet tricks were as varied as they were transparent, but the financial press kept falling for them, serving as dutiful stenographers for a string of triumphant press-releases announcing Uber's long-delayed entry into the league of companies that don't lose more money every single day.

One person Uber has never fooled is Hubert Horan, a transportation analyst with decades of experience who's had Uber's number since the very start, and who has done yeoman service puncturing every one of these financial "disclosures," methodically sifting through the pile of shit to prove that there is no pony hiding in it.

In 2021, Horan showed how Uber had burned through nearly all of its cash reserves, signaling an end to its subsidy for drivers and rides, which would also inevitably end the bezzle:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/08/10/unter/#bezzle-no-more

In mid, 2022, Horan showed how the "profit" Uber trumpeted came from selling off failed companies it had acquired to other dying rideshare companies, which paid in their own grossly inflated stock:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/08/05/a-lousy-taxi/#a-giant-asterisk

At the end of 2022, Horan showed how Uber invented a made-up, nonstandard metric, called "EBITDA profitability," which allowed them to lose billions and still declare themselves to be profitable, a lie that would have been obvious if they'd reported their earnings using Generally Accepted Accounting Principles (GAAP):

https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/11/bezzlers-gonna-bezzle/#gryft

Like clockwork, Uber has just announced – once again – that it is profitable, and once again, the press has credulously repeated the claim. So once again, Horan has published one of his magisterial debunkings on Naked Capitalism:

https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2023/08/hubert-horan-can-uber-ever-deliver-part-thirty-three-uber-isnt-really-profitable-yet-but-is-getting-closer-the-antitrust-case-against-uber.html

Uber's $394m gains this quarter come from paper gains to untradable shares in its loss-making rivals – Didi, Grab, Aurora – who swapped stock with Uber in exchange for Uber's own loss-making overseas divisions. Yes, it's that stupid: Uber holds shares in dying companies that no one wants to buy. It declared those shares to have gained value, and on that basis, reported a profit.

Truly, any big number multiplied by an imaginary number can be turned into an even bigger number.

Now, Uber also reported "margin improvements" – that is, it says that it loses less on every journey. But it didn't explain how it made those improvements. But we know how the company did it: they made rides more expensive and cut the pay to their drivers. A 2.9m ride in Manhattan is now $50 – if you get a bargain! The base price is more like $70:

https://www.wired.com/story/uber-ceo-will-always-say-his-company-sucks/

The number of Uber drivers on the road has a direct relationship to the pay Uber offers those drivers. But that pay has been steeply declining, and with it, the availability of Ubers. A couple weeks ago, I found myself at the Burbank train station unable to get an Uber at all, with the app timing out repeatedly and announcing "no drivers available."

Normally, you can get a yellow taxi at the station, but years of Uber's predatory pricing has caused a drawdown of the local taxi-fleet, so there were no taxis available at the cab-rank or by dispatch. It took me an hour to get a cab home. Uber's bezzle destroyed local taxis and local transit – and replaced them with worse taxis that cost more.

Uber won't say why its margins are improving, but it can't be coming from scale. Before the pandemic, Uber had far more rides, and worse margins. Uber has diseconomies of scale: when you lose money on every ride, adding more rides increases your losses, not your profits.

Meanwhile, Lyft – Uber's also-ran competitor – saw its margins worsen over the same period. Lyft has always been worse at lying about it finances than Uber, but it is in essentially the exact same business (right down to the drivers and cars – many drivers have both apps on their phones). So Lyft's financials offer a good peek at Uber's true earnings picture.

Lyft is actually slightly better off than Uber overall. It spent less money on expensive props for its long con – flying cars, robotaxis, scooters, overseas clones – and abandoned them before Uber did. Lyft also fired 24% of its staff at the end of 2022, which should have improved its margins by cutting its costs.

Uber pays its drivers less. Like Lyft, Uber practices algorithmic wage discrimination, Veena Dubal's term describing the illegal practice of offering workers different payouts for the same work. Uber's algorithm seeks out "pickers" who are choosy about which rides they take, and converts them to "ants" (who take every ride offered) by paying them more for the same job, until they drop all their other gigs, whereupon the algorithm cuts their pay back to the rates paid to ants:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

All told, wage theft and wage cuts by Uber transferred $1b/quarter from labor to Uber's shareholders. Historically, Uber linked fares to driver pay – think of surge pricing, where Uber charged riders more for peak times and passed some of that premium onto drivers. But now Uber trumpets a custom pricing algorithm that is the inverse of its driver payment system, calculating riders' willingness to pay and repricing every ride based on how desperate they think you are.

This pricing is a per se antitrust violation of Section 2 of the Sherman Act, America's original antitrust law. That's important because Sherman 2 is one of the few antitrust laws that we never stopped enforcing, unlike the laws banning predator pricing:

https://ilr.law.uiowa.edu/sites/ilr.law.uiowa.edu/files/2023-02/Woodcock.pdf

Uber claims an 11% margin improvement. 6-7% of that comes from algorithmic price discrimination and service cutbacks, letting it take 29% of every dollar the driver earns (up from 22%). Uber CEO Dara Khosrowshahi himself says that this is as high as the take can get – over 30%, and drivers will delete the app.

Uber's food delivery service – a baling wire-and-spit Frankenstein's monster of several food apps it bought and glued together – is a loser even by the standards of the sector, which is unprofitable as a whole and experiencing an unbroken slide of declining demand.

Put it all together and you get a picture of the kind of taxi company Uber really is: one that charges more than traditional cabs, pays drivers less, and has fewer cars on the road at times of peak demand, especially in the neighborhoods that traditional taxis had always underserved. In other words, Uber has broken every one of its promises.

We replaced the "evil taxi cartel" with an "evil taxi monopolist." And it's still losing money.

Even if Lyft goes under – as seems inevitable – Uber can't attain real profitability by scooping up its passengers and drivers. When you're losing money on every ride, you just can't make it up in volume.

Image: JERRYE AND ROY KLOTZ MD (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:LA_BREA_TAR_PITS,_LOS_ANGELES.jpg

CC BY-SA 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en

I’m kickstarting the audiobook for “The Internet Con: How To Seize the Means of Computation,” a Big Tech disassembly manual to disenshittify the web and bring back the old, good internet. It’s a DRM-free book, which means Audible won’t carry it, so this crowdfunder is essential. Back now to get the audio, Verso hardcover and ebook:

http://seizethemeansofcomputation.org

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/09/accounting-gimmicks/#unter

Image: JERRYE AND ROY KLOTZ MD (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:LA_BREA_TAR_PITS,_LOS_ANGELES.jpg

CC BY-SA 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en

#pluralistic #bezzles #hubert horan #uber #rideshare #accounting tricks #financial engineering #late-stage capitalism #narrative capitalism #lyft #transit #uber eats #venture predation #algorithmic wage discrimination

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raceweek · 16 days

Note

hello. alexalblondo's rude anon coming here to humbly and politely beg for galex primer because i dont understand their history. george said he lived at alex's family's house at one point? how - weren't they already racing? sorry thank you humble thank you 🙏🙏

hello!!! thanks chris for the referral FKFJDKD

i have overwhelmed my alex and george tags so much that i fear i could never capture all of it but my galex key moment anthology is under the cut!!

karting/early single seaters

Alex thinks they met in 2011 but the footage in georges flip phone says he knew alex back in 2009.

Their first actual interaction (so far as they've told the world) was when alex was world champion with the intrepid karting team and bc he was their reference driver he was asked to help pick the drivers who were quick to replace him when he moved up and he picked george (and charles) so they were then part of that same intrepid driver programme for a while. Interestingly, alex was always at least one year above him bc of their ages and george says the fact they didn't really race directly against each other before 2016 was probably why they became such good friends.

They did a deep dive of their camera rolls from this time on twitch a couple years back and talked about the oldest pictures they have of each other in their camera rolls (1:25:36) which was cute.

2017

2017 is the year george basically lived with alex. They were also sharing a trainer whilst alex was competing in gp2 and george was in gp3. George was doing mercedes sim work at their factory so rented a flat in milton keynes near where alex lived but according to alex that rent was wasted money bc george had more meals at alexs' house than he did that year. Also as detailed in those links, the Great Mountain Biking Incident of 2017 occurred at this time so we have the fun mental image of george literally wheeling alex into a&e on a wheelchair bc that is an actual event that happened.

2018

George and alex both in f2 fighting for the title year wooooo!! They never really fought on track but we did get fun tidbits like when alex pipped george to the win at silverstone bc george had a slow pit stop and giggled about it in parc ferme (5:42) & these post session interviews.

also some incredible photoshoots.

2019

Promotion to f1!!! We started the year at winter testing and this nugget that they have both accepted that they are actually tied together by the strings of fate. They're doing fun media stuff like karting and bullying each other over percentage of apexs hit at the skypad (video). 2019 also the start of the umbrella sharing. They were just together a lot… more skypad analysis!!!

2019 also has MY personal favourite galex moment which was hockenheim 2019 and the 45 minute phone call galex had on the way home after george missed out on scoring what would have been his first point in f1 and only point of the season.

There was also the summer break and enjoying a training camp together, exchanging infections etc. Alex also took george to meet lily for the first time, bc that’s a normal thing to do.

There was also the rookie of the year vid, and the rookie season review vid at the end of the year. Much was happening.

2020

The year started with f1 trying to race during a global pandemic. Fun! On the singular media day before everyone realised just how stupid that was they were being annoying. The lockdowns did give us the twitch streams. George was initially so bad at virtual racing he had to secretly consult alex's brother for help behind alexs back. George was also actively seeking alex out like a missile at any given opportunity and at one point felt necessary to declare that he wasn't alexs boyfriend when someone asked if alex was going to be streaming that day. Anyway my lockdown twitchscapades tag has a post with a playlist of all the streams that haven't been lost or deleted if you want to feel joy and have a spare million hours.

Racing resumed in July with the covid team bubbles and within two races and one qualifying session george was defending alexs honour to sky sports and the world in a truly remarkable fashion.

At the end of the year alex was unemployed....even more tragic than this loss was that alexs career difficulties were so extreme he started ghosting george, which devastated him to the extent he needed to publicly drag him for it.

There was also george asking lily to post alexs n*des on instagram and lily responding with if anyone has them it would be you which was perhaps the last time george had access to his own social media password.

Despite george not liking it they celebrated alexs first podium by going golfing! and reverse! George was also gifted an alex albon signed autograph card for christmas and said that he'll put it somewhere special x

2021

The beginning of 2021 was during lockdown and there was more fun virtual gps except the only two drivers doing it were george and alex so they were just bitching and gossiping and threatening to steal strategies and abu dhabi 2016 each other. Particular shoutout to the time they had a virtual race on valentines day and alex put a suit on for it and george was baffled. Immediately after valentines day was georges birthday which lily used to thank george for letting her borrow his boyfriend from time to time.

Then the season started with george enduring the season alexless and not letting anyone forget about it. Alex was turning up to races after being locked in the simulator until the early hours posting stuff like this on instagram and otherwise stumbling over his words after getting whipped on the ass.

Perhaps the defining moment of the galex 2021 season was george pushing the williams board to sign alex so heavily that they had to actively shut him out of proceedings. Also at this time there was this cute congrats from alexs family and one from alex to georgie about the mercedes seat.

anyway here's some more random 2021 nuggets:

i've seen him topless a few times

george getting alex a good deal on a merc x

yet More golf

the handover

georges driver room

2022

They truly lost every inch of personal space in 2022 like. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. The back signing Hello.

2022 had alex having his appendix out, nearly dying and alexs family updating george whilst alex was in the icu and then when alex returned for the next race in signapore a couple weeks later (insane behaviour) george was like mmm audacious of him to be here.

Elsewhere alex discovered georges photoshoot and was making screensavers about it. Alex also discovered hair dye and george was making instagram stories about it.

other random 2022 nuggets:

george is alexs fave f1 driver excluding himself

this skit williams did of lily finding a huge picture of george in alexs driver room

whatever this image is of lily george and alex

private plane carpool

double date

2023

@onadarklingplain covers the whole year for you much MUCH better than i ever could here!!!!!

and that brings us to present where they're just as weird and freaky with each other as ever!!!

#hopefully it answers at least some of ur questions!!!#i would perfect this but frankly i have spent like. seven hours. on this so im just hitting post. godspeed!#galex #asks #anon #alex albon #george russell

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avaf00rd · 5 months

Text

Leah Williamson relationship HC

A better fic will be out soon hang tight.

This is a scrap I made.

I would barely classify these as head cannons as they are very long. They are just about your relationship in general☺️

————————————————————————-

-you and Leah were best friends and crazy close when you first joined Arsenal in 2017. When you left to go to Barcelona in 2019 you both felt like a huge part of your lives were missing. When you came back to Arsenal in 2021 you both realised you were in love and started dating

-you always praise Leah for being the most fashionable person you know. You weren’t terrible yourself but you were always getting her to help you with what to wear daily

-whenever you two go to events together Leah will always make sure you get to the after party. Your pretty good at calling it a night often, which means Leah is dragging you for more drinks more often that not

-you, Leah and Alex Scott were sort of a trio. Sure Leah and Alex were a tad closer. But you had all been on multiple trips together

-your the cook of the house. She can’t go much further than toast. She tried to make frozen chicken one time for you both, but it ended up breaking the oven due to a weird setting she turned the oven on to.

-when she did her ACL you were in tears for her. When she walked off, She told you to get a goal for her. You didn’t in the end which made you sick to your stomach. You felt terrible and was just as devastated as Leah.

-your Australian. So bringing Leah over to your home was your favourite thing.

-Christmas in your house was amazing. You both decked out the house completely and danced and sung to Christmas songs all December.

-when buying your first house together. You had the biggest say. You had great taste is properties to buy so you kind of found a flat online and showed Leah. She said yes so you immediately booked an inspection. You got that flat two days later.

-You also bought all the furniture one night when you were both on international break and got it delivered to where Leah was. She was a bit shocked when she FaceTimed you after coming home to 45 delivery boxes.

-your taste in movies was so divergent. She liked the more fantasy movies like lord of the rings and Harry Potter. She also loved horror. Which was terrible for you. You loved romance movies, you’re either making Leah watch that or some stupid documentary you heard of.

-you were a huge dog person. And Leah already owned a dog when you first moved in together, but you had 2. So now it’s a crazy house 24/7.

-you love being together in the kitchen, listening to music and goofing around with a good bottle of wine. You both turn on old love songs and slow dance around the kitchen.

-she made you late to most trainings. Due to her stuffing around in the mornings. It got even worse when she cut her bangs

-one afternoon you were both chatting on how she used to have a fringe as a child. You said she would suit one (but you think she suits anything). So of course 2 weeks later she texts you to let you know she’s going to the hairdresser…

-Leah can be kinky asf. Come on we all know this

-sometimes after dinner you will beg her to play on the piano for you. She’s actually outstanding at it and you’re so proud of her. You will take your wine glass over and sit on the seat next to her while she plays.

-you tried to convince her to get Santa photos with the dogs. Which she very quickly declined.

-you were very good at makeup. You became obsessed with it as a teenage girl. So you find yourself doing Leah’s a lot for nights out and events. Even just doing a big look for fun.

-the girl couldn’t ride a bike to save her life. So you always tried to help teach her . She would somehow always say yes, Even if it was just an excuse to get a good laugh out of you.

-you and your Matilda’s team played in the World Cup and came fourth after being knocked out by her country in the semis. Your heart ached that you couldn’t finish it for your country, but it ached just the same at the fact that your girlfriend couldn’t lead her country to the grand finals like she had always dreamt of.

-every night you slept with your head tucked into the crook of her neck, arms cuddling onto her torso. It was just the best way both of your bodies melted together.

-sometimes she tried to take you on golfing dates. The first time she did, she told you she was good. Like the powerful Leah Williamson would. You were humble and said you would need her help. But when you swung your shot you actually made a great one and it had Leah’s jaw on the floor.

-you both had your first photo shoot together in 2020 just before covid. And you lived very minute of it. Now you have done heaps for brands like Calvin Klein, bikini brands, and more together, you both now being known for your hot couple photo shoots.

-you were both completely clumsy. The worst thing was when Leah and you had to screw a window nail tighter. Don’t ask why. But you apparently weren’t holding it properly. Causing it to fall out the other side of the frame. Completely shattering into the pool.

-though you were always chasing after her for outfit inspiration. You both looked phenomenal wherever you went. You would both be shot on camera court-side of a basketball game, on vacation or at dinner in the best outfits and hair.

-you though she was the hottest girl you had ever seen in your life. You had only had boyfriends who play football in your life before Leah. So you always blamed Leah for being gay.

-her love for country music was one of the things that made you fall in love with her. Along with her charming personality

-you were a striker for arsenal. When you scored in a game, you would do your celebration jump with your fists in the air and always try to look for Leah, to see if it was her arms you could jump into first. And she was always there, screaming at you for your goal with her arms wide open.

-your a bottom most of the time. But sometimes you switch it up and she lives for your dominant side.

-you suffered a severe back injury in 2022 while in Australia. You were scared you would never play again. Leah was on the next plane out to Australia, even though she was told not to. Just so she could sit next to your bed and hold your hand for hours.

-seeing Leah back in training after doing her ACL. With the brightest smile on her face, made your heart melt every time.

#arsenal women #woso #leah williamson x reader #leah williamson imagine #leah williamson #lionesses #wsl #woso x reader #woso community #woso imagine #woso fanfics

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marlenesluv · 10 months

Text

✧.*Masterlist✧.*

Key:

♡ - fluff

☆ - smut

○ - angst

* - social media

:as time as gone on, i have started to write for a lot of different drivers, you can see below who those are. smut is a topic i am attempting to write. my goal is to be able to participate in a smutty event this christmas, so bear with me. when you request, pls tell me what type of fic (smau or one shot) and the driver (unless you want me to pick which is fine too):

(i write for: lando, charles, daniel and carlos mainly. i will also write for: pierre, max, lewis, george, and oscar per request. probably never alex albon tho: i love alex and lily, sry)

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

Click Here to access my Book Lover Series❣️

➥ Lando Norris:

❒ smau:

moments *♡ (part 1) (part 2) (part 3)

part 1: landos posts on his jpg account while you guys are dating

part 2: in which you finally get a jpg account and post your boyfriend and friends

part 3: ?? its a surprise

book lover ♡: you’re a bookstagramer/booktuber and you love posting your books and your boyfriend (taylor swift lovers, same, this is for you)

book lover (part 2) ♡: this is part 2 to the smau above! more posts about books, but you posted a new video with the grid!

tokyo drift ♡: y/n is a formula drift driver, and her fans ship her with f1 driver lando norris.

❒ blurbs:

break ○: lando is on summer break with his gf, but can’t seem to stop training.

➥ Carlos Sainz:

❒ smau:

off the ice ♡: carlos meets his gf, an nhl analyst, and fans are overjoyed as y/n clicks with the grid

rule breaker ♡ (smau + dialogue): y/n leclerc has been dating carlos sainz, which her brother has one rule: to not date his teammate. what happens when she finally tells charles?

doesn’t come easy ♡: y/n is an upcoming scriptwriter for a future oscar winner, but fans don’t like her and her credit is ripped away when her film wins an oscar.

❒ blurbs:

➥ Charles Leclerc:

❒ smau:

hate doesn’t bother me ♡(rude fans): charles and y/n announce their relationship on summer vacation, but fans aren’t a fan of y/n, not that she cares.

welcome to the swamp ♡: cute posts between charles and his gators cheerleader girlfriend.

angel ♡: y/n is a victoria’s secret model dating arber xhekaj, but what happens when cheating scandals arise when she is found with charles leclerc?

nobody knows ♡: y/n is a hollywood actress from brazil, her home and love. but when she visits monaco, charles’ fans start to ship them. what they don’t know, is that their ship has already sailed.

star of the show ♡: y/n, cast member of teen wolf, starts dating charles leclerc, and fans love them together.

uni to paddock ♡: being a university student, reader isn’t able to go to a lot of her boyfriends races. but one day, she decides to go to a grand prix and shock fans.

country feels ♡: reader is a beloved country star, rumored to be dating the f1 driver, charles leclerc. what happens when someone accidentally reveals she has a boyfriend?

lovers to strangers to friends○♡: y/n and charles have been an iconic f1 paddock couple since 2019, but what happens when a rumor spreads about y/n cheating?

tease ♡: charles is away for a race, but his girlfriend misses him and does something that she knows will get his attention.

❒ blurbs:

sick day ♡: you have to cancel your date with charles, but he has an idea.

➥ Daniel Ricciardo:

❒ smau:

keep it private *(suggestive content): daniel and his wife, y/n, post some non-pg things on their instagrams.

keep it private (part 2) *(suggestive content): just some more unhinged comments between you and daniel.

unexpected * ♡: daniel meets a dallas cowboy cheerleader and they become and unexpected couple to fans and friends.

paper rings ♡: reader has a job of drawing and reading, but her partime is posting her boyfriend. (just a cute little book smau lolz)

❒ blurbs:

➥ Max Verstappen:

❒ smau:

better kept secret *(mean fan comments): max meets y/n, who is a little younger, country, and both try to keep their relationship a secret until they snap, and drop a soft launch that fans are not happy about.

christmas is better with you ♡: nyc born reader takes her bf max, who isn’t a big christmas fan, to her home, new york, this christmas.

denial is a man’s bestfriend ♡: max and y/n are teammates, but they fall for each other, resulting in pressure from friends.

❒ blurbs:

puppy love ♡: daniels sister his his best friend have a secret relationship…oh, along with her many doggies.

➥ Oscar Piastri:

❒ smau:

home ♡: oscar and his gf go back to her home, paraná brazil, for summer break, posting a bit along the way.

softies ♡* (smau and fic blurbs) gn!reader: reader and oscar soft launch at the monaco gp, plus some cute oscar being supportive bf.

hard launches only ♡: oscar and his miliatary girfriend hard launch before the singapore grand prix.

teammates roommate… ♡: in which oscar falls for the roommate of lando and max. what happens when lando confront oscar about his little crush?

legos and laps ♡: oscar’s girlfriend is obsessed with legos! and of course he supports her addiction.

sly fox dumb bunny ♡:

❒ blurbs:

stress relief ☆ ♡: oscar’s qualifying doesn’t go as planned, but luckily he has you at home to help him destress.

➥ Pierre Gasly:

❒ smau:

appreciation ♡: pierre loves to post his successful gf, and she loves to post him just as much.

❒ blurbs:

➥ Ollie Bearman:

❒ smau:

going public ♡: reader is carlos sainz’s younger sister who has kept private for a while, but when she suddenly goes public on instagram, so does her relationship with ollie bearman.

➥ Logan Sargeant:

❒ smau:

bad decisions ♡: after logan’s chassis is given to alex, his girlfriend is determined to show him how much she loves him. (this got out of hand and lead to something i hope is cute?)

➥ Lewis Hamilton:

❒ smau:

i’d be blue without you ♡: lewis and his girlfriend always have a lined up schedule with his racing and her shows.

➥ Arthur Leclerc:

❒ smau:

amour ♡: pierre’s little sister and his best friends little brother have their little soft-ish launch online.

➥ Ballerina Series:

❒ This series follows Y/n Albon, Alex Albon’s younger sister, who is a ballerina. She loves posting her life and supporting her brother. But when her teammate quits, she’s left a little lonely. Luckily, Lando Norris is there to befriend her…..

❒ Here’s some little psa abt this series: this is a dialogue and smau fic. i know alex has other siblings but for the sake of this fic, he doesn’t lol. its just more to write. This is a gradual series that i will post on every once and a while, that way i can still post other fics.

part 1 : (posted on my main tumblr, oops)

part 2

part 3

#f1 masterlist

834 notes · View notes

heartshapedmisery · 26 days

Text

CHILDISH BEHAVIORS

The last practice and argument that led to your final day with the Ferguson International Tennis Academy.

warnings ― .ﾟ‪‪ ˖ language, heavy arguing, nothing else really idk this is kinda just background stuff lol

taglist ― .ﾟ‪‪ ˖ @elaci @depressedgothgrl

author's note ― .ﾟ‪‪ ˖ hope you guys enjoy! I promise the reader isn't an asshole she just has a very fiery personality lol. also i don't know if made this clear or not, but this series takes place after the events of challengers and art and tashi are divorced! (i love my girl but it just wouldn't make sense for this for them to still be married.) lmk what you guys think! :)

PROLOGUE, LUCK OF CHAMPIONS | Art Donaldson x fem!reader, Challengers (2024)

New Rochelle, New York. 2019.

When it came to your life outside of tennis (which truly held very little validity in your mind), you never considered yourself to be an aggressive person. And you would attest that others would agree, and they would, but the second you got a racket in your hand and you stepped out into that box, it was almost as if you were a completely different person.

You don't intend to be hard-putting, but you simply have always been that way. Tennis dominated your entire life; ever since you were a kid, you had no desire to pursue anything that didn't involve hitting a ball with a racket. Somehow, this fueled your need to be competitive. To win every game, because in your mind, if you didn't, it held no value.

Though it was a toxic way of thinking, it kept you on your toes. It pushed you even harder to become the best, and eventually after strenuous time and effort, you did.

But your desire to be superior seemed to overtake your love for the game, which alarmed your peers and coaches. It was unhealthy.

"No one can devote their entire being to this sport and still remain human," you had been told, but it all seemed circumstantial. You wanted to be great, and you knew you could be great. But how could you get that without pure dedication to your craft?

You can't.

"Slam that damn racket again and you're out of here!"

You could feel the blood pumping through your ears as your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest, your fingers white-knuckling your racket.

Coach Ferguson, the man you had trained with for the past year, stood irritated with his arms crossed over his chest, shaking his head at you. Even through the darkness of his Ray Bans, you could see the piercing, disappointed look you had become all too familiar with.

"Would you rather me chuck it at him?" you pointed it in the direction of the trainee you had been practicing with. "Because that's what he deserves for the way he keeps serving me a weak ball. I keep having to scramble for the damned thing."

The young trainee stood sheepishly, taking the ridicule from you without a word. You practically spit the words at him, heat rising in your chest just as the reminiscence of it.

"Watch your tone when you're talking to me," Ferguson barked and pointed a taunting finger at you. "You're here because of your talent, not because I enjoy the pleasure of your company. You would've been gone a long time ago if you were."

You hated to sound egotistical, but you were by far his best player. His words didn't scare you. At least, they didn't yet.

"Oh, boo hoo, like that's going to hurt my feelings," your tone was laced with sarcasm. "Just let me get back to this, will you? I promise all of your precious rackets will be safe."

You dismissed him as if he wasn't the one who wrote your checks every month. It almost made him laugh.

"My office. Now." he told you sharply before turning on his heel and leaving, waving off the trainee to go collect the tennis balls you had been hitting and taking them back to the locker rooms.

You contemplated if you wanted to ignore him or obey his orders, before doing the latter and following him down the path to the main building.

The cool AC hit your face refreshingly as you walked through the lobby, your eyes leisurely watching the TV that was playing old rerun matches behind the front desk.

Donaldson v. Richards. 2012.

The match undoubtedly intrigued you; your appeal was centered toward Donaldson, mesmerized by his powerful backhand and effective open stance. He glided across the court with ease, scoring points left and right with a demeanor that almost came off as bored.

You only allowed the game to hold your attention for a moment before you followed Ferguson into his office like a troubled delinquent making your way into the principal's office. In a sense, the situations weren't all that different. You still slumped down in the chair across from his desk with a sour look on your mouth while he gave you a disapproving look.

"(L/N), I hate to do this to you, but this," he gestured to your uninterested and bitter attitude, "Isn't working anymore."

You weren't sure what to say. You had expected him to rip you a new one, not talk to you as if he were about to kick you to the curb. Was that what he was doing?

"i don't understand," you said simply, an uneasy feeling stirring in your chest.

"You haven't won a match in over a month, your temper is out of control, and you're ripping people's heads off left and right. It's not healthy and I don't think this is the right place for you right now."

The words flowed from his mouth so easily, almost as if he had been itching to say it to you for a while now. It was what you needed to hear, but you just didn't want to listen.

"What? You're seriously not kicking you out, are you?" you snapped, standing from your chair.

"I'm not kicking you out. I'm asking you to take a break. This isn't goodbye forever, just for a little bit. Take a year off, get yourself back in order, and then we can renegotiate a new contract for you."

Your stomach dropped farther the more he spoke, an overwhelming feeling of embarrassment washing over your senses. Yeah, you could be a little over the top sometimes, but you never thought you would be asked to leave.

"You can't do this," you tried, but Coach Ferguson simply shook his head.

"Remind me, who's name is on the sign out front?" he asked rhetorically. "I can, and I will. This is what's best for you right now, even if you don't agree with me."

Tears threatened to fall from your eyes, but you didn't let them. The last thing you needed was to be crying like a baby and look even more unstable than he already thought you were.

"The US Open is right around the corner, if I stop training now I won't be able to qualify in August."

He gave you a helpless shrug. "You should've thought about that before you started losing all these matches. As of right now, you're right at the cutoff for qualifying. If you were to try for it now, you'd have to work twice as hard to earn your spot―which I don't think you're capable of doing."

His words felt like a knife to the heart. He used to tell you he would always believe in you, that he'd always be there for you when you needed him.

So much for keeping his word.

"That's bullshit and you know it," you snapped.

"You're not making this very easy for me."

"Good, because you shouldn't even be doing it in the first place!"

He simply shook his head, resisting the urge to bark back a snide response. "Get out. Right now. You're being childish. I'm not going to sit here and argue with you."

He pointed to the door, unable to meet your eye as you scoffed in his face. You couldn't believe him.

"This is all I can do for you right now. Either take my offer or leave."

You didn't want to give in to him. You didn't want to give him that satisfaction after he had made you look like a complete fool.

"Fuck this." was all you could muster up, tightening your fist relentlessly as you stormed out of his office and down the hall, not sure where you were headed but you knew it would be far away from here. You felt like a child throwing a tantrum and you hated it because you knew he was right.

You were quick and silent as you cleaned out your locker since it was the only way you could keep yourself from bursting into tears. You felt ashamed; after all of your hard work and dedication to this academy, this was what you got in return. It felt like a kick in the gut, but it was what you needed in order to realize that you were better than all of this.

Deep down, you knew you were capable of making it to the US Open. You were going to prove it. How? You weren't completely sure. You were without a coach and you were all alone, which was something you never thought you would have to admit to yourself.

You needed a plan; Something to tie together the loose ends that had unraveled within the past hour. So, the second you got home to your apartment two blocks from the academy, you scoured the internet for a saving grace.

Phil's Tire Town Wildcard. New Rochelle, New York.

March 17th, 2019.

APPLY NOW!

Bingo.

#art donaldson #challengers #mike faist #art donaldson smut

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haveyouseenthismovie-poll · 3 months

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End of month update - March (+ April 1st)

Hello, all! Sorry that this update is a day late, I didn't get around to posting it yesterday.

This is the end-of-month update, where I post Tumblr’s current top four films that have received the highest percentage of “yes,” “no,” and “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes.

As of today, the top four films with the highest percentage of “yes” votes are:

Finding Nemo (2003) | Shrek (2001) | Monsters, Inc. (2001) | The Lion King (1994)

Next, the top four films with the highest percentage of “no” votes are:

Sausage Party (2016) | Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014) | All Quiet on the Western Front (1930) | Bonnie and Clyde (1967)

This top four changed through the new additions of Sausage Party (2016) and All Quiet on the Western Front (1930), which replaced Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015) and Scarface (1983).

Finally, the top four films with the highest percentage of “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes are:

Monica and Friends: Bonds (2019) | Monsturd (2003) | Heroic Losers (2019) | Death Trance (2005)

This top four changed through the new additions of Monsturd (2003) and Death Trance (2005), which replaced Mahana (2016) and Capernaum (2018)

Currently, The Incredibles (2004) is the still only film to receive absolutely zero “haven’t heard of this” votes.

That’s it for March’s end-of-month update! Remember that you can view last month’s update by clicking here. Additionally, you can view the full ranked Letterboxd lists of movies that have come up on this blog by clicking the following links:

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “yes” votes.

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “no” votes.

This list is ranked from highest-to-lowest percentage of “haven’t even heard of this movie” votes.

#end of month update #text

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dededaio · 1 year

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so! did you know? that dedede actually gave magolor a license to legally maintain his shoppe? in pupupu train 2019 event's "canon", it takes place in dream land on popstar, so i assume every magolor's business venture needs to get dedede's approval

i like to think that dedede at first didnt really care about this sort of stuff and wanted to be called a king because it sounds cool and prestigious but nowadays he actually takes his job seriously and makes sure that people in dream land are not being scammed and such

#kirby #king dedede #magolor

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myjunkisyuzuruhanyu · 1 month

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ISU released an article about Shoma

Two-time ISU World Champion and three-time Olympic medalist Shoma Uno of Japan has announced his retirement from competitive skating after a long and distinguished career and is ready to open a new chapter in his life.

“I have decided to retire from active competition,” Uno wrote on Instagram. “I am very grateful to have been able to continue skating for 21 years since I was 5 years old, and to have had a wonderful athletic life.”

The Japanese star will talk in more detail about his retirement and future plans in a press conference scheduled for May 14.

The 26-year-old looks back at a career with many highlights and also difficult times, but he always came back, proving his talent and showing resilience. When five-year-old Shoma went to the ice rink in his hometown of Nagoya with his father to have fun, he had no idea that he would become a World Champion, Olympic medalist and super star of the sport. He only knew that the enjoyed skating and kept coming back to the rink, taking lessons. He trained with Machiko Yamada, the coach of Japanese skating icon Midori Ito and also with Mihoko Higuchi for many years and worked his way up in the skating world.

Uno debuted in the ISU Junior Grand Prix in 2011 and was so tiny that he was unable to look over the boards. He won a few medals on the Junior circuit but his breakthrough came in what was his last Junior season in 2014/15 when he qualified for the first time for the ISU Junior Grand Prix Final where he claimed gold. Shoma went on to take the ISU World Junior title in 2015, in what was his fourth and final appearance at the event (climbing from 10th in 2012, 7th in 2013 and 5th in 2014).

Once at the senior level, Uno quickly became one of the top Skaters in the World. In his World debut in 2016 he placed 7th but then the next year won silver, his first of a total of four World medals. In his first Olympic Winter Games in 2018, Shoma skated off with the silver medal and returned on to the Olympic podium four years later, earning the bronze. In 2022 and 2023 Uno crowned himself ISU World Champion.

However, in between there was a time of struggle. In the 2019/20 season, for the first (and only) time in his career, Uno finished off the podium in the ISU Grand Prix Series. He had left his coaches since childhood and struggled with confidence.

“At first, to be honest, I was thinking about finishing my career,“ he said in an interview at Skate America 2021 about this time.

“I did not know how much longer I would keep going. But imaging the end (I thought) maybe I'll enjoy the rest of this career as an athlete.“

Uno started to work with two-time World Champion Stéphane Lambiel as his coach and choreographer in fall 2019 and soon came back strong. He grew as an athlete and a performer with beautiful programs that highlighted his versatility: “Turandot” (Free Skating 2017/18), “Great Spirit” (Short Program 2020/21), “Bolero” (Free Skating 2021/22) and “Spiegel im Spiegel” (Free Skating 2023/24) to name a few.

At the same time, the Japanese star always pushed the limits technically and made history by becoming the first Skater to perform a quadruple flip in competition in 2016.

“When I train and want to become better, it's not good for me to work on what I can already do. If I'm satisfied with just giving 80 per cent, I'm not good. The right training for me is to push my limits,” Uno said in an interview.

The Japanese Skater has an independent mind and a fun personality. He has a Youtube Channel where you can meet his three toy poodles Emma, Baron and Toro.

“When I am on the ice, I am totally focused on my sport, but when I'm off the ice, I am sure most people know I am just a lazy slacker, but I thought that would be a good way to show to the people how I am off the ice, but still this is Shoma Uno,” he explained.

When asked who inspires him the most, Shoma’s surprising answer was:

"Myself. Of course, I think I am inspired by many people and heard some good words from everyone, too, but in the end when you break it down, I do feel that it is myself that inspires me and sadly, I don't listen to anyone. Sometimes I listen, but mostly I go with my own mind,” he added.

For sure Uno will follow his own ideas in the years to come but you can certainly expect to see him gracing the ice in shows for a while.

#shoma uno #figure skating #isu #happy retirement shoma #it's a nice article that I think sums up Shoma's career pretty well #also adding links to his Insta and Youtube is a good move as I still think both acc are quite unknown among non-Shoma fans

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bleach-your-panties · 5 months

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♡WE CAN GET IT POPPIN' WHENEVER, WHEREVER; YOU KNOW IT'S WHATEVER SHAWTY!`》 [[CLOSED]]

introᰔ

I've hit 1500+ followers after making a miraculous comeback from my 2019-22 slump, lol. So I'd like to celebrate with a fun little event for you all!

The theme of this event is getting sexy in unusual/inappropriate places.

Think of any place where you've done the do (that you probably shouldn't have!)

Keep reading for how to participate:

rulesᰔ

pick your fav character (fandoms i write for here) + a location + a sexy category (only choose from ONE sexy category).

your chosen sexy category does not limit you to just that action but it will be the main focus of the post.

1 request per person please, as i'm only doing a limited number of these.

i will close the event when i have enough to work on.

specify your reader type. keep in mind that i usually write female readers and i do not write trans-readers due to lack of adequate knowledge. i do not want to offend anyone.

i age up characters.

i will queue this post so everyone in different time zones will have a chance to see it and submit a request.

any questions, please ask!

NO MINORS OR AGELESS/BLANK BLOGS.

have fun xoxo🫶🏽

locationsᰔ

best friend's house, public bathroom, dressing room, classroom/clubroom (university au), bike shop/mechanic, club, restaurant, parent's house, bedroom/dorm room, outside, beach, park, work, cafe-bakery-ice cream shop, car, boat, airplane, alleyway, train/subway, concert, sports event, church, meeting/zoom meeting, other - specify

sexy actsᰔ (choose only one of these from either category!)

actionsᰔ

handjob, fingering, blowjob/eat-out, footjob, titjob, french-kiss/makeout, facesitting/throatfucking, dry-humping, thigh-fucking, facial/cumshot, other - specify

positionsᰔ

mating press, missionary, doggy style, against wall/chair/surface, full nelson, prone bone, upside down/in the air/standing, cowgirl/reverse cowgirl, spooning/from the side, other - specify

masterlistᰔ

let's get it poppin' with...💋💄

↷gojo satoru ...on an airplane

↷nanami kento ....during a zoom call

↷kurotsuchi mayuri ...in the bedroom

↷abarai renji ...during a zoom call

↷zaraki kenpachi ...in an alleyway

↷urahara kisuke ....in a dressing room

↷baji keisuke ....at the bar

↷kuchiki byakuya ....in a public bathroom

↷onyankopon ....on a balcony

↷tomioka giyuu ....at the mechanic shop

↷kyouraku shunsui ....against a cherry blossom tree

↷kurosaki ichigo ....in the classroom

↷kira izuru ....outside

↷muguruma kensei ....at the bike shop

↷kurosaki ichigo....in his dorm room

↷kaibara sen ....in the garage

↷abarai renji ....at a concert

↷haitani ran ....during a zoom meeting

↷ryuguji ken ....on the train

↷roy mustang & maes hughes ....in the office

↷amajiki tamaki ....against a wall

↷connie springer & sasha brauss ....at a dinner party

↷hanma shuji ....in the parking lot

↷higuruma hiromi ....on his private balcony

↷haitani rindou ....at the club

↷geto suguru ....at a bakery

↷haitani rindou ....at his parents' house

↷

dividers by @/hitobaby💗🫶🏽

#enchantedforestnetwork #milestone event #writing event #tumblr milestone #anime x reader #bleach x reader #mha x reader #jjk x reader #aot x reader #haikyuu x reader #💗💗🍡°events #get it poppin!💄event #byp🌹#Spotify

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mostlysignssomeportents · 5 months

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Apple to EU: “Go fuck yourself”

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/06/spoil-the-bunch/#dma

There's a strain of anti-anti-monopolist that insists that they're not pro-monopoly – they're just realists who understand that global gigacorporations are too big to fail, too big to jail, and that governments can't hope to rein them in. Trying to regulate a tech giant, they say, is like trying to regulate the weather.

This ploy is cousins with Jay Rosen's idea of "savvying," defined as: "dismissing valid questions with the insider's, 'and this surprises you?'"

https://twitter.com/jayrosen_nyu/status/344825874362810369?lang=en

In both cases, an apologist for corruption masquerades as a pragmatist who understands the ways of the world, unlike you, a pathetic dreamer who foolishly hopes for a better world. In both cases, the apologist provides cover for corruption, painting it as an inevitability, not a choice. "Don't hate the player. Hate the game."

The reason this foolish nonsense flies is that we are living in an age of rampant corruption and utter impunity. Companies really do get away with both literal and figurative murder. Governments really do ignore horrible crimes by the rich and powerful, and fumble what rare, few enforcement efforts they assay.

Take the GDPR, Europe's landmark privacy law. The GDPR establishes strict limitations of data-collection and processing, and provides for brutal penalties for companies that violate its rules. The immediate impact of the GDPR was a mass-extinction event for Europe's data-brokerages and surveillance advertising companies, all of which were in obvious violation of the GDPR's rules.

But there was a curious pattern to GDPR enforcement: while smaller, EU-based companies were swiftly shuttered by its provisions, the US-based giants that conduct the most brazen, wide-ranging, illegal surveillance escaped unscathed for years and years, continuing to spy on Europeans.

One (erroneous) way to look at this is as a "compliance moat" story. In that story, GDPR requires a bunch of expensive systems that only gigantic companies like Facebook and Google can afford. These compliance costs are a "capital moat" – a way to exclude smaller companies from functioning in the market. Thus, the GDPR acted as an anticompetitive wrecking ball, clearing the field for the largest companies, who get to operate without having to contend with smaller companies nipping at their heels:

https://www.techdirt.com/2019/06/27/another-report-shows-gdpr-benefited-google-facebook-hurt-everyone-else/

This is wrong.

Oh, compliance moats are definitely real – think of the calls for AI companies to license their training data. AI companies can easily do this – they'll just buy training data from giant media companies – the very same companies that hope to use models to replace creative workers with algorithms. Create a new copyright over training data won't eliminate AI – it'll just confine AI to the largest, best capitalized companies, who will gladly provide tools to corporations hoping to fire their workforces:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/09/ai-monkeys-paw/#bullied-schoolkids

But just because some regulations can be compliance moats, that doesn't mean that all regulations are compliance moats. And just because some regulations are vigorously applied to small companies while leaving larger firms unscathed, it doesn't follow that the regulation in question is a compliance moat.

A harder look at what happened with the GDPR reveals a completely different dynamic at work. The reason the GDPR vaporized small surveillance companies and left the big companies untouched had nothing to do with compliance costs. The Big Tech companies don't comply with the GDPR – they just get away with violating the GDPR.

How do they get away with it? They fly Irish flags of convenience. Decades ago, Ireland started dabbling with offering tax-havens to the wealthy and mobile – they invented the duty-free store:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duty-free_shop#1947%E2%80%931990:_duty_free_establishment

Capturing pennies from the wealthy by helping them avoid fortunes they owed in taxes elsewhere was terribly seductive. In the years that followed, Ireland began aggressively courting the wealthy on an industrial scale, offering corporations the chance to duck their obligations to their host countries by flying an Irish flag of convenience.

There are other countries who've tried this gambit – the "treasure islands" of the Caribbean, the English channel, and elsewhere – but Ireland is part of the EU. In the global competition to help the rich to get richer, Ireland had a killer advantage: access to the EU, the common market, and 500m affluent potential customers. The Caymans can hide your money for you, and there's a few super-luxe stores and art-galleries in George Town where you can spend it, but it's no Champs Elysees or Ku-Damm.

But when you're competing with other countries for the pennies of trillion-dollar tax-dodgers, any wins can be turned into a loss in an instant. After all, any corporation that is footloose enough to establish a Potemkin Headquarters in Dublin and fly the trídhathach can easily up sticks and open another Big Store HQ in some other haven that offers it a sweeter deal.

This has created a global race to the bottom among tax-havens to also serve as regulatory havens – and there's a made-in-the-EU version that sees Ireland, Malta, Cyprus and sometimes the Netherlands competing to see who can offer the most impunity for the worst crimes to the most awful corporations in the world.

And that's why Google and Facebook haven't been extinguished by the GDPR while their rivals were. It's not compliance moats – it's impunity. Once a corporation attains a certain scale, it has the excess capital to spend on phony relocations that let it hop from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, chasing the loosest slots on the strip. Ireland is a made town, where the cops are all on the take, and two thirds of the data commissioner's rulings are eventually overturned by the federal court:

https://www.iccl.ie/digital-data/iccl-2023-gdpr-report/

This is a problem among many federations, not just the EU. The US has its onshore-offshore tax- and regulation-havens (Delaware, South Dakota, Texas, etc), and so does Canada (Alberta), and some Swiss cantons are, frankly, batshit:

https://lenews.ch/2017/11/25/swiss-fact-some-swiss-women-had-to-wait-until-1991-to-vote/

None of this is to condemn federations outright. Federations are (potentially) good! But federalism has a vulnerability: the autonomy of the federated states means that they can be played against each other by national or transnational entities, like corporations. This doesn't mean that it's impossible to regulate powerful entities within a federation – but it means that federal regulation needs to account for the risk of jurisdiction-shopping.

Enter the Digital Markets Act, a new Big Tech specific law that, among other things, bans monopoly app stores and payment processing, through which companies like Apple and Google have levied a 30% tax on the entire app market, while arrogating to themselves the right to decide which software their customers may run on their own devices:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/06/07/curatorial-vig/#app-tax

Apple has responded to this regulation with a gesture of contempt so naked and broad that it beggars belief. As Proton describes, Apple's DMA plan is the very definition of malicious compliance:

https://proton.me/blog/apple-dma-compliance-plan-trap

Recall that the DMA is intended to curtail monopoly software distribution through app stores and mobile platforms' insistence on using their payment processors, whose fees are sky-high. The law is intended to extinguish developer agreements that ban software creators from informing customers that they can get a better deal by initiating payments elsewhere, or by getting a service through the web instead of via an app.

In response, Apple, has instituted a junk fee it calls the "Core Technology Fee": EUR0.50/install for every installation over 1m. As Proton writes, as apps grow more popular, using third-party payment systems will grow less attractive. Apple has offered discounts on its eye-watering payment processing fees to a mere 20% for the first payment and 13% for renewals. Compare this with the normal – and far, far too high – payment processing fees the rest of the industry charges, which run 2-5%. On top of all this, Apple has lied about these new discounted rates, hiding a 3% "processing" fee in its headline figures.

As Proton explains, paying 17% fees and EUR0.50 for each subscriber's renewal makes most software businesses into money-losers. The only way to keep them afloat is to use Apple's old, default payment system. That choice is made more attractive by Apple's inclusion of a "scare screen" that warns you that demons will rend your soul for all eternity if you try to use an alternative payment scheme.

Apple defends this scare screen by saying that it will protect users from the intrinsic unreliability of third-party processors, but as Proton points out, there are plenty of giant corporations who get to use their own payment processors with their iOS apps, because Apple decided they were too big to fuck with. Somehow, Apple can let its customers spend money Uber, McDonald's, Airbnb, Doordash and Amazon without terrorizing them about existential security risks – but not mom-and-pop software vendors or publishers who don't want to hand 30% of their income over to a three-trillion-dollar company.

Apple has also reserved the right to cancel any alternative app store and nuke it from Apple customers' devices without warning, reason or liability. Those app stores also have to post a one-million euro line of credit in order to be considered for iOS. Given these terms, it's obvious that no one is going to offer a third-party app store for iOS and if they did, no one would list their apps in it.

The fuckery goes on and on. If an app developer opts into third-party payments, they can't use Apple's payment processing too – so any users who are scared off by the scare screen have no way to pay the app's creators. And once an app creator opts into third party payments, they can never go back – the decision is permanent.

Apple also reserves the right to change all of these policies later, for the worse ("I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it further" -D. Vader). They have warned developers that they might change the API for reporting external sales and revoke developers' right to use alternative app stores at its discretion, with no penalties if that screws the developer.

Apple's contempt extends beyond app marketplaces. The DMA also obliges Apple to open its platform to third party browsers and browser engines. Every browser on iOS is actually just Safari wrapped in a cosmetic skin, because Apple bans third-party browser-engines:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/13/kitbashed/#app-store-tax

But, as Mozilla puts it, Apple's plan for this is "as painful as possible":

https://www.theverge.com/2024/1/26/24052067/mozilla-apple-ios-browser-rules-firefox

For one thing, Apple will only allow European customers to run alternative browser engines. That means that Firefox will have to "build and maintain two separate browser implementations — a burden Apple themselves will not have to bear."

(One wonders how Apple will treat Americans living in the EU, whose Apple accounts still have US billing addresses – these people will still be entitled to the browser choice that Apple is grudgingly extending to Europeans.)

All of this sends a strong signal that Apple is planning to run the same playbook with the DMA that Google and Facebook used on the GDPR: ignore the law, use lawyerly bullshit to chaff regulators, and hope that European federalism has sufficiently deep cracks that it can hide in them when the enforcers come to call.

But Apple is about to get a nasty shock. For one thing, the DMA allows wronged parties to start their search for justice in the European federal court system – bypassing the Irish regulators and courts. For another, there is a global movement to check corporate power, and because the tech companies do the same kinds of fuckery in every territory, regulators are able to collaborate across borders to take them down.

Take Apple's app store monopoly. The best reference on this is the report published by the UK Competition and Markets Authority's Digital Markets Unit:

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/63f61bc0d3bf7f62e8c34a02/Mobile_Ecosystems_Final_Report_amended_2.pdf

The devastating case that the DMU report was key to crafting the DMA – but it also inspired a US law aimed at forcing app markets open:

https://www.congress.gov/bill/117th-congress/senate-bill/2710

And a Japanese enforcement action:

https://asia.nikkei.com/Business/Technology/Japan-to-crack-down-on-Apple-and-Google-app-store-monopolies

And action in South Korea:

https://www.reuters.com/technology/skorea-considers-505-mln-fine-against-google-apple-over-app-market-practices-2023-10-06/

These enforcers gather for annual meetings – I spoke at one in London, convened by the Competition and Markets Authority – where they compare notes, form coalitions, and plan strategy:

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/cma-data-technology-and-analytics-conference-2022-registration-308678625077

This is where the savvying breaks down. Yes, Apple is big enough to run circles around Japan, or South Korea, or the UK. But when those countries join forces with the EU, the USA and other countries that are fed up to the eyeballs with Apple's bullshit, the company is in serious danger.

It's true that Apple has convinced a bunch of its customers that buying a phone from a multi-trillion-dollar corporation makes you a member of an oppressed religious minority:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/12/youre-holding-it-wrong/#if-dishwashers-were-iphones

Some of those self-avowed members of the "Cult of Mac" are willing to take the company's pronouncements at face value and will dutifully repeat Apple's claims to be "protecting" its customers. But even that credulity has its breaking point – Apple can only poison the well so many times before people stop drinking from it. Remember when the company announced a miraculous reversal to its war on right to repair, later revealed to be a bald-faced lie?

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/22/vin-locking/#thought-differently

Or when Apple claimed to be protecting phone users' privacy, which was also a lie?

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/14/luxury-surveillance/#liar-liar

The savvy will see Apple lying (again) and say, "this surprises you?" No, it doesn't surprise me, but it pisses me off – and I'm not the only one, and Apple's insulting lies are getting less effective by the day.

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tinydeskwriter · 1 year

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Buzzfeed:The 10 Times Harry Styles and Y/n Y/l/n Made Us Believe in Love

A/n: I have been working in this for some time, I was pretty much inspired by my Jack Harlow piece, someone send a ask about doing one for Harry, and it’s just fluff💗 all the pictures are just illustrative, there is no face-claim, nothing, it’s just o ‘illustrate’ the article (?)

The 10 Times Harry Styles and Y/n Y/l/n Made Us Believe in Love

10. They Have Known Each Other for Years Before They (Finally) Started to Date

When it comes to famous couple we hardly ever know how they met, but not with this hot couple. It was Stevie Nicks who first spilled the beans:superstar Harry Styles and nepotism babe Y/n Y/l/n met back in May 2015 at the backstage of a Fleetwood Mac concert in London, while attending with mutual friends and Mr.Styles took her out for a bite afterwards. According to rumours Styles and Miss Y/n were seen out and about around London during the month of May and she was photographed in a One Direct concert in Wales, and then Harry reportedly dated a string of Victoria Secret models and Camilla Rowe…

Asked about it in a interview with Vanity Fair, Y/l/n said:”I was very young back then, just seventeen, still a little green and naive in this whole ‘love game’, we liked each other very much, but at that time we would have just… crashed and burned. Feelings were hurt, but it’s safe to say we’ve kept special places for each other in our hearts, and when we met again at Shangri-La we just fitted together…”

A Bonus: While promoting her new movie with Julia Roberts, Y/n Y/l/n was asked by James Corden about the rumor that her famous mom ‘just loves to public embarrasses her’, to which Y/n gave us a funny story: ‘So, as a teen I just loved Harry Styles, you know: the hair, the eyes, the dimples… I was like: we are soulmates, we are destined for each other. I had a framed poster of him in my bedroom. So… we are traveling from London to LA, my mom had just finished a movie, we are at the airport, and a few foot away, handsome as ever is Harry Styles, and his whole boyband… my mom recognized him from my posters and basically all my gadgets background, and she goes: excuse me… hi, Harry, my name is Y/m/n Y/l/n, my daughter just loves you… and she wouldn’t stop… let’s just say I spent a long time hiding in the ladies restroom’ Y/l/n added: ‘Harry actually finds the story funny and always tells all of our friends’.

There it goes: Y/n Y/l/n is jus like every other teenage with a Harry Styles crush.

9. They Rekindled Their Romance at the 2019 Met Gala

Harry co-chaired the event. Y/n made her solo debut—this is her third year attending the gala, but the first time without either her famous parents—, she attended as a guest of Gucci, dressed in a green-glittered-feathered gown custom designed for her by Alessandro Michele. The twenty four years old singer and the twenty years old actress were pictured in he pink carpet and, I mean, just the way they looked at each other screams volumes.

We may not know what happened inside the gala, but we can have a idea by the after party picture, and let’s just say:you can manage to see a photo of either of them where the other isn’t by their side or the background.

Dating rumors started after pictures were published of Harry and Y/n leaving the after-after party in the same car with Styles gentlemanly carrying Y/l/n red gown’s train.

The same month ‘sources close to the couple’ reported that Harry and Y/n actually met months in advance to the gala ‘Y/n was working with Mark Ronson at Shangri-La in Malibu, her and H stared as friends, just going out and spending time together, things changed in Italy in early 2019 when they decided to go together for fittings with Alessandro’.

When questioned about the young couple went with the standard: We’re just friends.

8. Their Romance is Packed With PDA

Though they keep their ‘Just Friends’ answers, the couple haven’t shied away from some good old Public Displays of Affection. And this says something when we’re talking about Harry Styles.

And they’re cutie.

7. We Got a Glimpse of Their Romance in August 2019 When Photos of Y/n Got Shared in The Internet

O-kay, it’s totally not okay for someone close to you—someone you clearly trust— to leak private pictures of your private instagram to the world. Y/n private IG account went from 167 followers o 165 after pictures the actress posted on her profile were printed and leaked.

That being said… We can’t deny Y/n and Harry are a cute and romantic couple:

I mean: she even uses his picture as a book-marker, this is pure fluff

6. Fans Noted This Little Detail in Paps Photos

The couple has a matching tattoo, and we’re dying. Nothing screams ‘Love’ like a matching tattoo.

5. That Lego Bouquet

Y/n was there for her man during SNL, as Harry was both host and musical guest. And she got him a bouquet… of Legos.

Sources said ‘Y/n has been here with Styles all week, Harry, surprisingly is a very shy guy, so she was always keeping him calm and relaxed, helping him with his anxiety, and just being a helping hand, they keep in their own bubble but are very approachable’.

4. December Was a Emotional Month For Harry and Y/n ‘s Fans

Little Women was released and our girl slayed as Jo March in Greta Gerwig’s adaptation. During promotion Y/l/n was paired with Pugh and Chalamet, and those tree were the trio of BFF’s we needed. Y/l/n and Chalamet chemistry—this is their second movie together— generated a few rumors of troubles in paradise.

But it was all just rumors, as Y/n was photographed at Styles one-night-only show at The Forum in Los Angeles,

She was once again by his side in London.

The bomb that broke millions of hearts came in 28 December.

In a joined statement was released by Styles and Y/l/n teams… After Academy Award winner filmmaker and producer, Y/f/n Y/l/n, communicated to the world in his official website that his wife and him ‘are happy to announce the marriage of their youngest daughter to Mr. Harry E. Styles’ all very formal like Y/f/n usually is.

The couple got married in 18 December at Hampstead Town Hall in London, both their families were in attendance. The couple asked for respect of their privacy, and announced that they would continue to live bi-continental.

3. Harry Styles Music Videos and… Surprises.

We hoped, but we weren’t sure, that we would see Y/n in Styles Music Videos, I mean, isn’t a rule somewhere that if you got a gorgeous, Academy nominated actress for a WIFE, you must put her in your MV’s? No?

Harry didn’t disappoint us. The singer and his wife frolicking by the beach, feeding each other fruits is a state of mind.

It also marks the debut of Y/n in Styles public feed.

Styles was praised by models in his video for asking for consent to touch them while filming, it was also said that the couple is very much in love and still in their honeymoon phase, just enjoying being together with one saying ‘when they looked at each other, you sometimes felt like you’re invading a private moment, Harry wouldn’t stop gushing over Y/n and how she inspired his more soft romanic songs’ and ‘they are just so nice to everyone’.

The surprise came months later during the release of ‘Golden’. The song is said to be about Y/l/n, with fans nothing that the actress and our favorite nepo babe has ‘you’re so golden’ tattooed in her ribs since 2017.

The video was filmed in the Amalfi Coast, with Styles running and driving around, Y/l/n doesn’t show up until the end, looking very gorgeous in white… and sporting a small baby bump. Yep, the couple probably had the best pregnancy announcement of 2020.

2. Harry Styles Being a Supportive Husband

2021 was a great year for Y/n Y/l/n, and no one can deny.

The actress welcomed her first child in early February. She went on to own a Golden Globe and a Emmy for her Netflix Miniseries.

The couple had their red carpet debut while attending the Grammys, with Styles proudly showing off his wife, the actress got candid while admitting that it was her first time going out without the baby, and though the child was with ‘grannie Anne’ the new mom still felt anxious.

In a interview with Kelly Clarkson while talking about parenthood Y/n said ‘It’s a crazy rollercoaster, they grow so fast! We decided, for now, not to have a nanny, we just want to enjoy all those little moments that we can, so it is being kinda of nuts, but we have a great team and a very supportive family. Harry is great, he aced the nappy game and night feeding, he’s a amazing daddy, we often joked that H had amazing fun uncle potential, but he’s positively surprising us all, he just goes beyond, the best parenthood partner a girl could ask for. Definitely my favorite dilf.’

1.Harry’s House.

Months before the ‘Adore You’ crooner announced his new album, Styles shared a candid picture of himself, his wife Y/n and their babygirl Delilah, with the caption: Home.

In early April the lyrics of ‘As It Was’ confounded fans a little, until four months later the couple announced the birth of their second daughter, Talulah, and their relocation to England in a more permanent scale. The couple not only has been living in London since mid 2021, they also acquired two homes in Styles motherland. Styles in a interview with Apple Music, said about his move: ‘A lot has change in my life the last few years, my home are now three amazing girls, my gorgeous wife and our two baby-daughters, but England is my comfortable place, initially we moved because I was going to film a movie, Y/l was still pregnant with Talulah, one night I come home after shooting and my wife goes: what do you think about moving here for real? And she goes on: I just spent an afternoon at a public park with Lilah without men with cameras following us around. It was a no brainer decision, we’re very happy, Lulah was born in London, my mum and sister are always around, I’ve never been happier’.

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