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KZ Sachsenhausen ; there and then, here and now

One of mine

In the summer of 1936 the posters on the underground in Berlin declaimed to every traveller, “Escape the big smoke. Come and enjoy the forests and lakes of Oranienburg". A forty-five minute train journey from S-Bahn Friedrichstrasse (1), in the heart of the city, brought sun seekers into the pleasant countryside to the north.

And why not? The dappled forest paths and clear lakes offered welcome relief from the thronged streets of the capital, streets filled with thousands of visitors who had come for the Olympiad being held in the new stadium, built to the west of the city.

People from all over the world had flown in to Flughafen Tempelhof, the airport whose buildings were a stone testament to the vitality of the l000 Year Reich. From there, visitors jostled along Swastika-hung streets to view the city sights: the Brandenburg Gate, the treasures of the Pergamon Museum, Schloss Charlottenburg; to climb to the top of the Siegessäule (2) not yet moved, on Hitler's order, from its home in front of the Reichstag; to stroll down the Unter den Linden - although the crowds were no longer shaded by its eponymous trees since they had been felled so as not to obscure the vista of Nazi (3) parades. Few visitors, admiring the State Opera house, recalled the newsreels of 1933 which showed this building lit by the flickering light of a great bonfire - a bonfire of burning books heaped on the adjacent square. Impressionable tourists lunched in the Café Schottenham, by the Anhalter Bahnhof (4), and then walked admiringly past the Bauhaus designed Europahaus en route to the splendid new Air Ministry building. Only a few years earlier the sightseers might have taken their coffee and cake in the Hotel Prinz Albrecht but this was now the HQ of Reichsfűhrer SS (5), Heinrich Himmler.

With every pavement, café and square teeming with tourists it was no wonder Berliners escaped to the relative calm of Oranienburg, to take a boat out on the lake, or to walk through the woods.

There were some city-dwellers, however, who travelled there under duress and for a more sinister purpose. To prevent the possibility of any embarrassing incidents in Berlin during the period of the Games, to disguise its anti-Semitism, and to forestall any negative publicity, some of the measures taken against the Jews by the regime were suspended. Behind this façade (quietly, unobtrusively, diligently), the Gestapo (6) intensified its labours rounding up the enemies of the Reich - Communists, Social Democrats, trade unionists, liberals, Christians, Jews, Sinti and Romany peoples, pacifists, Jehovah' s Witnesses, homosexuals, those designated 'anti-socials' or criminals - and took them to the purpose built camp on the outskirts of Oranienburg. It was known as KZ Sachsenhausen. (7)

On a wintry day in February l996, I followed in their footsteps.

I was part way through my week in the city when I made my ‘pilgrimage’. After breakfasting, showering, and dressing in my most colourful clothes and dangliest earring, I picked up the remembrance (8), quitted my Berlin lodgings and set out for Oranienburg. The journey that had brought me to this time and place had begun years before in quite another location. As a younger man, studying Modern History at the University of Liverpool, I had focussed my enthusiasm on nineteenth and twentieth century European history: Berlin was a pivotal place in the scheme of things. My perspective, particularly on twentieth century German history, was informed by the lived experience of being a gay man. There and then reached a spectral hand into the here and now.

The cold February sky was downcast; grey, lowering. pedestrians turned up their coat collars to insulate themselves and hastened to their destinations. Sometimes I drew startled looks - my appearance being somewhat conspicuous - opposing the bleakness of the morning as it did. It was the fluttering ribbons which attracted most interest though. (Like the compelling image of the red coat in the film "Schindler's List"?) The train journey to Oranienburg was a journey in time as much as through a landscape. The train trundled across the city, heading northwards. Tenements gave way to light-industrial enterprises, these, in their turn, to detached houses with steeply-raked roofs. The houses thinned out and were separated by fields, wooded areas, little ponds and watercourses. As we clanked onwards, the landscape became more open. I could see now that the ground was waterlogged; crusty, muddy and frosted with snow. Even the larger lakes were frozen. Denuded trees pointed bony fingers to the sky. Somehow I had drifted into the winter of l944/45. The train reached its terminus and we few passengers reluctantly turned out of the warm carriages to brave the wind-scoured platform. Almost immediately, a gentle dusting of snow began to fall. (I am surprised to find that 1 feel glad it is snowing. It seems appropriate). I am possessed by the unshakeable conviction that no-one should visit at a pretty time of year. It would be sacrilegious. There is a mixture of buildings in the town, old and new, the streets are cobbled not asphalted. It requires no effort of imagination to see columns marching along this road. Straggly columns, sore-footed, threadbare. Oranienburg is a smallish town, similar to my own home town in NE Lancashire. There is some road traffic thudding over the cobbles; Trabbies and Wartburgs as well as VWs and Opels. Some kids look at me with unrestrained interest, older people with more reserve. Some of them even have a reproachful aspect.This is no longer Berlin, where people of unusual aspect arouse little notice and less comment. This is not even Manchester, where gays can be visible with a modicum of safety. This is the familiar, narrow, inhospitable ‘small-town’ Bronski Beat sang about with such eloquence. I recognise it from my own lived experience.

I become conscious of many thoughts; "This building would have been there then" "What must it be like to live here now, with such a legacy?" "What do these little kids make of it?"

Practical considerations imposed themselves and I looked for a signpost. There was one. How sobering, how chilling, to see it written. No longer a name from the past but a place here and now: Gedenkstätte Sachsenhausen (9).

Following the directions indicated, I walked towards the camp. As I neared it, the monument became visible above the rooftops. It stands uncompromisingly - a concrete grey monolith with pinkish triangles on the upper section. You could easily imagine that it was physically holding up the clouded sky, like Atlas.

At the corner of the Strasse der Nationen (10), which leads to the entrance, there is a small display board that remembers those who were killed on the 'Death March'. In the spring of l945, when it became obvious that all was lost, the authorities decided to march the camp inmates to the Baltic, intending to put them on ships and sink them. Six thousand died before the column was liberated - they were shot, beaten to death, or killed by cold and exhaustion. It was a sombre marker for what lay ahead.

Before going into the camp proper visitors walk through an entrance gate and along a wooded way that leads past the information centre. Through the trees to the left (sparse, wintry and naked) glimpses of the perimeter wall can be had. I went in to the office and collected an English guide map. The room was dominated by a big, green-tiled stove that radiated masses of heat. It made the cold outside seem that much more intense. "What must it be like to work in such a place?" I wondered, "Do you grow used to the horror of it all? Can you afford to forget?" I quitted the building and felt very alone. There was just me, the remembrance, and the reality of Sachsenhausen. There and then, here and now. I feel strongly that Sachsenhausen is not history: history has no life in it. Sachsenhausen can never be mere history as long as there is someone who knows, who remembers, who lives in the light of that remembrance.

The first place that presents itself to the visitor is a modern exhibition centre (1961) which houses photographs, archive material, and an allegorical stained glass memorial window. The building dates from the original opening of the camp as a centre for national remembrance, in what was then the GDR (11). It focuses on the wartime history of Sachsenhausen. It stands in what was the SS barrack area, just in front of the gatehouse. Inside, I noted the brief descriptions of the photos in English. Many needed no explanation: the horrors were all-to-evident. Among the most harrowing were the pictures of those murdered on the march to the Baltic. Corpses were scattered along the route - in fields, in ditches, in the woods, by the roadside - killed by a single pistol shot to the head. From under makeshift coverings (which those who found the bodies had used to try and afford them the dignity denied them by their tormentors) poked emaciated limbs, bruised and disfigured faces, unshod feet. Other photographs detailed those who were left behind, the three thousand in the 'hospital', found when the Russians entered the camp on April 22nd 1945.

On that April day, some few miles to the south, Hitler was in the bunker beneath the Reich Chancellery. He had celebrated his last birthday two days previously. The sounds of the strife above ground were muffled and did not disturb the delusions of ultimate victory he cherished. In the cold reality of day, Flughafen Tempelhof was about to fall to the advancing Russians.

Within a week Hitler would be dead.

Some of the prisoners in Sachsenhausen made slow recoveries and joined the sea of 'Displaced Persons' trying to get home in post-war Europe. For others, death's grip was too tight for liberation to make a difference.

Leaving the photograph collection, I turned toward the entrance to the camp proper and walked through. Arbeit Macht Frei (l2) said the mocking inscription on the gate. By the end of 1944, over 204,000 people had read that sentence as they passed under the lintel and in to the Appellplatz (13). Once inside, more than 100,000 of them were systematically put to death. Others met death in camps they were transferred to. It would be invidious to try to describe the sufferings endured by camp inmates in a purely statistical way; in any case, the destruction of records means that an accurate total can never be known. The information in Sachsenhausen suggests that some 30,000 gay men were sent to the camps under the Nazis. Estimates vary. A figure of 60,000 or more may not be unduly high. Perhaps as many as 2/3rds of these men did not survive.

Standing there, 1 felt as if I had ought to remove my boots and go barefoot. A stupid idea but an almost overpowering feeling. I gazed across the open courtyard, at the monument towering beyond, and was filled with unutterable sadness.

The camp is laid out like a gigantic triangle, with the gatehouse in the centre of the baseline. Emotionally, I felt this to be an obscene joke. Apparently, it was simply the result of Nazi thoroughness and the exigencies of security - a shorter perimeter, fewer watchtowers, fewer unobserved corners, better sightlines. All so easily calculated.

The courtyard presented a large semicircle - the placement of the first row of huts being indicated by a latticed wall. Behind me, to my left and right was the neutral zone (actually a killing field); a wire boundary marker, a few yards of bare earth, then an electric fence. Finally, and almost superfluously, there was the perimeter wall with its barbed wire crown. To step over the marker invited being shot without warning. Photographic evidence shows that some prisoners chose this. Still others crossed the death strip and embraced the electrified wire.

I looked down at the map in my hand. It was difficult to use it nimbly because of the cutting wind and my chilled muscles. My eyes were watering, too, but I could not blame the wind for that. The ribbons on the remembrance fluttered; the only colour in the landscape.

Immediately in front of me was a great concrete roller that weighed three metric tonnes. The Häftlinge (14) were forced to run pulling this and were beaten if they moved too slowly. A semicircle just in front of the first row of huts was identified as the Schuhprűfstrecke (15), Here, in a broad arc, were nine sections - each of a different surface - gravel, flint, broken stone, sand etc… Prisoners had to walk over these for ten hours each day (about 25 miles, carrying 35lb in weight) to test the durability of shoe/boot soles. I looked down. The frost-frozen ground cracked beneath my own booted feet and I sank into the mush. Scattered snowflakes flitted by. A few rooks called, screechingly.

A party of British teenagers came in through the gatehouse. They were chatty, boisterous, as kids are. But their voices grated on my ears even more than the shrill rooks. Some places in the world must only ever be silent places. Not because noise is a bad thing. No, Act Up is right when it says that Silence = Death. But in Sachsenhausen the silence is needful. It is what makes it permissible to be noisy elsewhere. If the potent and clamorous silence of that place is ever trodden underfoot, then the laughter, songs, protests, whistles and dancing that enliven and affirm us wherever we are will be themselves in danger of being silenced forever.

There are those who wish it so.

In September of 1992, a number of individuals broke into the camp and burned down two of the huts (known as the Jewish Barracks). It is thought that this act was a deliberate desecration of the memorial and was an indication of the resurgence of xenophobia and anti-Semitism in the recently re-unified Germany. In Berlin itself, on Oranienburger Strasse, stands the recently restored Neue Synagoge (16). It is guarded by three armed policemen and is protected by stringent security measures. Inside is an exhibition that focuses on the history of the Jewish people in Berlin, even so, it acknowledges that racism and prejudice have deep roots are widely prevalent.

Closer to home, there is a latent racism abroad on the streets of my own town. The National Front has contested, and continues to be active, in local elections. Dispersed asylum seekers meet with thinly veiled hostility. In 1994 an NF candidate was successfully elected in local council elections on the Isle of Dogs, London. Jewish cemeteries are regularly vandalized. Violence directed at lesbians and gay men, is, sadly, an unremarkable occurrence.

My train of thought had been interrupted by the noise of the school kids, so I allowed them to go their own way and then turned my attention back to the map. Over to the right was a temporary exhibition that told the story of the Jewish Barracks and their inmates. The future of these two barrack blocks (38 and 39), destroyed in the arson attack, remains to be decided.

Further on was the special detention camp set up for prominent political, and other, prisoners. A number of the cells are still there. Prisoners were often held in solitary confinement for long periods, tortured, denied food and drink, kept in darkened cells for months or even longer. Martin Niemőller (17) was a prisoner here. To walk along and look into the tiny cells (some with memorials inside) was a humbling experience. It was not hard to imagine the clang of steel doors, the turn of keys, the sounds of brutal interrogation echoing down the narrow corridor.

What was the date again?

At the far end, the building opened on to an exercise yard, separated from the rest of the camp by a high wall. I stepped out again into the bleak, dismal light. To the left was the Erdbunker (18), a burial cell or pit where prisoners were virtually entombed, exposed to bitter cold and oozing wet walls with only a small, steel barred hatch above. What would you see from inside? A cross hatched patch of blue? A slate grey torrent?

On the February day I was there, the ground was waterlogged. I could hear the drip of icy melt water as it fell into that dark maw. A great puddle surrounded the hatch, frozen on top, squelchy underneath.

Just beyond the bunker, on the wall, was the memorial plaque that I had come to see; journey’s end for the beribboned remembrance, journey’s beginning for my living remembrance. The plaque is a stark in its simplicity: a black rectangle with the letters punched out by stencil, exposing the wall behind. On the ground below, a few tiles, and, scattered on them, a few carnations. Had they once been pink? The wording of the memorial was as stark in its simplicity as the plaque itself. How else could it be? How can you dress it up in fine language?

TOTGESHLAGEN TOTGESCHWIEGEN DEN HOMOSEXUELLEN OPFERN DES NATIONALSOZIALISMUS

Taking hold of the remembrance, I drove the pole in to the ground as far as it would go and then banked up the mushed, sandy, ice-filled soil around it to hold it steady. Not caring whether I was observed or not, I knelt down in the waterlogged yard, sank back onto my haunches and waited quietly for about the length of time it takes a man to walk a mile slowly. Everything was hushed. The ribbons flapped and the poem waved about as the wind caught it. For a moment or two, there was a dancing rainbow

When the time was right, I stood up to continue my journey. (I returned to the remembrance before I finally left the camp, the hard frost meant that the banked earth at the base of the pole was already beginning to freeze. Almost as if to ward off the chill, the freedom ribbons fluttered gaily. This optimism made the leave-taking that much easier).

I moved on item the exercise yard to the exhibition mounted in the former prisoners’ kitchen. The route took me past the sites of the gallows where prisoners deemed to have committed offences were hung,. Other grisly punishments were also meted out here during roll call "pour encourager les autres". Away to the right, by the perimeter wall stood a monument to those who died in the camp during the period 1945-50. For Sachsenhausen's infamy did not end with the war's end. The Soviets operated the site, under the name of ‘Special Camp No. 7’, and imprisoned former members of the Nazi Party, members of the SS, and the Wehrmacht (20), as well as prisoners of war released by the Western Allies, and others. Later on, inmates included people who were victims of denunciations, people who were arbitrarily arrested, growing numbers of Social Democrats, Christian Democrats and Liberals, opponents of the Soviet occupying power, and of the emerging East German Communist regime. It is estimated that 20,000 people died as a result of the conditions in the camp..

The sights that met the eye once inside the former cook-house were stinging. Further calculated horrors, to which the prisoners were subject, were held up for unwelcome yet necessary inspection.. There were artefacts from the wartime history of the camp – Zyklon B canisters (21). Human hair, gathered for use as war materiel. Fillings from teeth. Striped uniforms, with their triangles of various colours (22). Plates and cutlery, stamped with prisoners’ numbers. The ‘height measurer’ from Station Z (23). This building was a place I wanted to run through quickly and escape from. Instead, I walked slowly and deliberately through it all, step by step, case by case, from one information board to the next. It was like the Stations of the Cross. Is it realistic to hope for a Resurrection? ‘Can there be lyric poetry after the Holocaust?’ someone asked.

Can there be?

I do not feel able to answer that question. But I can witness to this: the even in Sachsenhausen it proved impossible to crush the creativity and aspirations of the human spirit. Prisoners crafted necessarily small but beautiful things from the most basic materials and contraband. They made chess sets, inlaid cigarette cases, even a crude radio receiver. Furthermore, there is at least one recorded instance of resistance, carried out by the ‘Jewish 18’. In the autumn of 1942, in protest at their inhuman treatment, eighteen Jews staged a protest in the Appellplatz. Their act of resistance, though brutally suppressed, did result in some amelioration of camp conditions for the Jewish inmates. It did not save the 18 from Auschwitz-Birkenau.

When I had reached the end of the exhibition I paused for a long time by the visitors’ book because had to frame carefully what I wanted to write there. What response can on make to such horrors?

"Whereof one cannot speak, thereof must one remain silent", noted Wittgenstein in his philosophical investigation of language. He must have been thinking of the situations that test the boundaries of human experience when he formulated that precept. And here was I in such an extremity. Just how do you write down a howl of anguish in the soul? When I left the block I saw the great monument towering before me. I went up close and looked at its huge bronze figures and its concrete vastness. The scale was so big as to be scarcely human. In a way, this is perversely fitting since the dreadful events to which it testifies are equally vast in scope and inhuman in character. The sculpted group of figures at the base of the tower is entitled "Liberation". (A secular version of Resurrection?)

Feeling tiny, I turned and walked the short distance to the site of Station Z.

If Dante's Inferno is taken as a metaphor for Sachsenhausen, then Station Z may be thought of as the deepest and most damned region of that place. Perhaps it is fitting that this was the last place I visited and the place where I most nearly lost what measure of self-control was left to me.

The area is shielded from the elements by a canopy. The suffering and the loss are recalled in an affecting monument; bronze figures two adults with a dead child. More affecting still are the remains of the building that stood on this spot. It was built in l942 and was staffed by the SS. Here thousands upon thousands were gassed, or shot. Their bodies were profaned (treated as the source of raw materials for the war effort) then burned. Any remains were crammed into a subterranean bunker close by.

Given what preceded death, this can be no real surprise. Often, camp inmates were used as a slave work force for various SS-run enterprises. Prisoners from Sachsenhausen were compelled to build the canteen and recreational facilities, used by the Gestapo and SS, on the Prinz Albrecht Terrain (24). In the 'hospital' prisoners were used in experiments to test drugs, chemical weapons, and 'treatments'.

The foundations only remain. No access is allowed: visitors look through a wire fence on to the features that rising up from the earth. Clearly discernible are the rooms that comprised the gas-chamber (disguised as a shower room) the ante-room where prisoners stripped before going in to the 'shower', and the ramp where the dead, having been thrown on to carts, were pulled the few yards to the crematorium. Also evident were rooms used for interrogations and a killing room made to appear like a clinic. Prisoners were stood against a height measurer attached to a wall. (A wooden finger that ran between two slats, marked off in centimetres). Unknown to the inmate, there was a hidden room behind the wall. Once the wooden finger was upon his or her head, someone in that room would shoot them in the back of the neck. Bodies were dragged across the floor and through a door that opened on to the crematorium. All so convenient, so duplicitous, shielded from the eyes of the other inmates. But there could be no secrecy; the smoke, the smell, the miasma, the point of no return. It must have been evident for miles.

The wind whipped up again. Steam rising from the boiler house in the old laundry block caught my eye and was transformed into the smoke from this charnel house. It was suddenly 1944 again. The camp was filled beyond capacity with the enemies of the Reich, 90% of them non-German. There were representative groups from virtually all of Nazi occupied Europe.

Russian prisoners were being systematically exterminated. Food was scarce, warm clothes scarcer still. Prisoners were beaten, worked to death, tortured, subject to crazed experiments.

The rooks sent up a cacophony of cries that brought me to myself again. Here I was, in 1996, looking& back at what had been. Statistics in Sachsenhausen indicate that there were more than 2000 concentration camps, sub-camps and detention centres in Germany alone.

I blinked back tears as I looked through the fence and reconstructed these terrors in my mind's eye. Walking round the site, moving clockwise past the sculpture in the near left hand corner, I caught site of a feature that I did not immediately recognise and so moved closer. Suddenly, even through eyes misted over, it became all-to-evident. The few courses of bricks, the metal doors and the flues, resolved themselves into ovens. There were four in a row. I was absolutely stricken. My legs buckled and I let out an involuntary cry as I stumbled and reached out for the wire to support myself. From then on, I was in a daze. I tottered across the frozen earth and picked my way gingerly down the trench that led down to the bunker where the bones had been dumped. Signs on the sides of the wooden ramparts indicated where prisoners of war had been shot. Others who met their death at this entrance to Hades included those sent to Sachsenhausen by Reichssicherheitshauptampt of the SS and the Gestapo (25). Most sickening was the mechanised gibbet, worked by a winch and pulley, which allowed four people to be hung at one time, with the minimum expenditure of effort or manpower. It was what 1 had come to expect of the Nazis during the course of my visit. That I was no longer shocked by such atrocity was a shock in itself. I stared out of the pit at the vast grey sky, punctured only by the concrete finger of the monument. The sky was heavy under the weight of its own sorrow.

The closing scene from the film Judgment at Nuremberg came to mind. An American (small town) judge visits his leading Nazi counterpart whom he has just sentenced for war crimes. The German judge offers, as mitigating explanation, that he thought the Nazis could be controlled and used, that he never imagined it would come to this. His counterpart dismisses this very cogently and simply: "It came to this the first time you sentenced a person to death whom you knew to be innocent."

If Sachsenhausen indelibly imprinted one idea in me, it is this: that every step down the road which begins with disrespect for another person ends at KZ Sachsenhausen. All the sentences which begin, "I'm not …………… (insert your own favourite prejudice)…… but ……" conclude, ultimately, with the sharp report of a pistol shot, or the creak of rope, or the bolts sliding home on the door to the 'shower'.

Many of the entries in the visitors' book say, "This must not be allowed to happen again". My feeling is that it has never stopped happening. I believe that it may prove truly fatal to think of there and then and exclude here and now. I am convinced that the celebration of life and difference, the promotion of human flourishing, is dependent upon us being ever vigilant, and ever respectful of the dignity of others.

My visit to Berlin showed ample evidence that a significant number of people share this perspective. In the wake of the arson attack on the 'Jewish Barracks' at Sachsenhausen, there was a spontaneous gathering at the memorial to express concern and regret. Subsequently, a demonstration was held which focussed on the theme 'reflecting in Germany - together against xenophobia and anti-Semitism'. 7000 people attended.

When the Berlin city authorities were considering what uses the Prinz Albrecht Terrain might be put to, concerned citizens and organisations took an active interest and even direct action, including a symbolic 'dig' on May 5th., 1985. The discovery of the foundations of the buildings associated with the site, particularly the cells used by the Gestapo, and those parts built by the slave workers from Sachsenhausen, together with the insistent pressure brought to bear by those who saw the necessity of an explicit recognition of the role that the site played during the period of the Third Reich, resulted in the opening of an exhibition pavilion and associated memorials which currently comprise the site. The motto of the groups coordinating the May 5th dig seems very appropriate: "LET NO GRASS GROW OVER IT!"

The city is notable for the number of memorials and plaques that detail the location of many buildings, and chronicle many events, which some would rather forget. Berlin's insistence on facing up to the past and continuing to confront it in the present struck me very forcefully. Less formal but no less striking is the graffiti that can be seen in the city. Particularly in the workers residential areas, like Prenzlauer Berg, graffiti appears to be regarded as necessary.

Graffiti ist kein Verbrechen!

Lesben Pauer

Nazis vertreiben, Auslanderinnen bleiben

This is a Nazi house

Much graffiti was focussed on current concerns – Kurdish refugees, the confrontation between Neo~Nazis and their Anarchist and Anti-Fascist opponents. Some was witty and creative but most was political in its inspiration. Amongst my favourites was the pointed reminder: "Wer bunker baut, wirft bomben" (27).

Comparing this situation to that nearer to home gives cause for unease. I do not feel that we recognise the dangers of forgetfulness, or apathy. Remember Pastor Niemöller's lament? Muted public concern permits our government to play fast and loose with human rights - witness the attempt to expel the Saudi dissident, Mohammed al Mas'ari, to protect lucrative arms deals with the Saudi government. Consider how the Criminal Justice Act is used against travelling people and against those who wish to undertake direct and legitimate protests. Examine closely those churches who claim to esteem the unique dignity of the human person in absolute terms yet couch their teaching and pastoral documents in such a way that the human dignity of some is completely abrogated. This may be noted particularly when the churches address themselves to women’s issues, lesbian and gay issues, or issues of race and ethnic origin. There is no comfort to be had in looking at the wider situation - the former Yugoslavia, Iraq, Chechnya, or Rwanda.

I wish I were able to claim for lesbians and gay men some innate virtue that renders us impervious to the propaganda of racism and sexism, but I can't. Though we may identify more strongly than some with the women, children and men who were butchered there and then in places like Sachsenhausen, and though we might feel their suffering acutely and recoil in genuine horror, still that does not confer an automatic immunity to the hateful thinking patterns that produced the concentration camps.

If it is true that lesbians and gay men (among others) have a 'privileged' access to the experience of the Häftlinge, then we have a particular responsibility to be vigilant. The danger we face because of that propaganda and its attendant terrors may be more subtle and understated in Britain than it is overseas but it is no less invidious. We must be vigilant not simply to prevent the virulent return of those values that consigned us to the camps (the fear of being inmates in the here and now) but also to prevent us from being seduced by the simplistic slogans and false promises that would make us accomplices in their institution. Without such vigilance we face the awful an almost unimaginable possibility of being deceived into acting as the new guards.

The lesson that Pastor Niemöller learned (too late?) was that if it could be you, it could be me, and if it were me, then it could be any of us. For that reason the same thing is demanded of each of us:

Vigilance and respect; there and then, here and now.

2001 © PD Entwistle

Notes

(1) S-Bahn Friedrichstrasse:

Berlin is served by a variety of train and tram routes. S-Bahn refers to the Schnellbahn - the overland train network, Friedrichstrasse to the station in the centre of the city.

(2) Siegessäule:

Victory Column, built to commemorate the military victory over the French which led to the founding of the Second Reich in 1871.

(3) Nazi:

NSDAP Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei. The National Socialist German Worker's Party. Elected to power in 1933, the party began to usurp the power of the state, supplanting the rule of law and government by the fiat of the party and the instruments of terror it wielded. Within a few months Hitler had stifled all opposition and abandoned any pretence of democratic rule.

(4) Anhalter Bahnhof:

This was one the chief railway termini for Berlin. Severely damaged in wartime bombing, there now remains only a portion of the facade.

(5) Reichsfűhrer SS:

Himmler’s official title, ‘Reich leader of the SS’. The SS (Schűtzstaffel) was the Protection Squad of the Nazi Party.

(6) Gestapo:

Geheime Staatspolizei, the secret state police.

(7) KZ Sachsenhausen:

Konzentrationslager, concentration camp. In the earlier years of Nazi Germany the camps were sometimes referred to as Schutzhäftlager, protective custody camps.

(8) Remembrance:

This had its origin in two distinct items which seemed to belong together as a 'token' that could be taken to Sachsenhausen and left at the memorial there. The remembrance consisted of 6 freedom ribbons, in the rainbow colours, attached to a pole. These ribbons had been part of a larger banner that had been carried on the Lesbian and Gay Pride March (London) in the summer of 1994. Together with the ribbons was a poem (see below).

The Colour of Forget-Me-Nots

rose pink

carnation pink

perky pink

panther

champagne pink

in the pink

lily the pink

lipstick

blushing pink

candy floss pink

baby pink

bootees

marshmallow pink

bubblegum pink

fuchsia pink

Triangle

(9) Gedenkstätte Sachsenhausen:

Many of the former camps have been designated as places of national remembrance and reflection. Sachsenhausen is the one closest to Berlin.

(10) Strasse der Nationen:

Street of the nations

(11) GDP:

German Democratic Republic more commonly referred to as East Germany .

Now, of course, no longer in existence since the reunification of Germany.

(12) Arbeit Macht Frei:

The motto which was found at the entrance to the concentration camps. Work shall set you free.

(13) Appellplatz:

The place where inmates were assembled for roll-calls, punishments etc…

(14) Häftlinge:

Prisoners of the camp.

(15) Schuhprűfstrecke:

The shoe-testing ground.

(16) Neue Synagoge:

The 'New Synagogue’, completed in 1866. One of two dozen synagogues vandalised and set alight on Kristallnacht (the night of broken glass), November 9th., 1938. Following this pogrom 12,000 Berlin Jews were brought to Sachsenhausen.

(17) Martin Niemöller:

Pastor Niemöller, U-Boat commander in WWI and a one-time supporter of the

Nazis, came to reject Fascism and was incarcerated in Sachsenhausen.

He is, perhaps, best remembered for the following verse –

First they came for the Jews

And I did not speak out – because I was not a Jew.

Then they cane for the Communists

And I did not speak out because I was not a Communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists

And I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for me

And there was no-one left to speak out for me.

(18) Erdbunker:

Literally, ‘earth bunker’.

(19) Totgeshlagen…:

A literal translation is difficult. The inscription may be read as –

BEATEN TO DEATH

SILENCED TO DEATH

THE

HOMOSEXUAL

VICTIMS

NAZISM

(20) Wehrmacht:

The German Army.

(21) Zyklon B:

The cyanide gas pellets used in the gas chambers.

(22) Triangles:

Prisoners in the camps were made to wear triangles of different colours. The

respective colours indicated the reason for their incarceration, eg. green = criminal,

red = political offender, black = anti-social, pink = homosexual.

(23) Station Z:

The mass extermination facility, built by the SS in 1942, and run by the

Totenkopfstandarte SS (Death’s Head battalions of the SS). Here, thousands

upon thousands were systematically butchered.

(24) Prinz Albrecht Terrain:

An area of central Berlin that housed the offices and HQ of the Nazi state terror

apparatus eg. the Gestapo, the SS. Bounded by (what is now) the Wilhelmstrasse,

Niederkirchnerstrasse, Stresemannstrasse, and Anhalterstrasse.

(25) Reishsicherheitshauptamt:

An approximate translation would be Head Office of Reich Security.

(26) Graffiti:

Colloquial translations might be –

Graffiti is no crime!

Lesbian Power!

Deport the Nazis, let the immigrant women stay

(27) Wer Bunker…:

Whoever builds bunkers, drops bombs

#sachsenhausen #remembrance #berlin #concentration camp #oranienburg #Damian's writing #reflective writing

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ysdic · 1 year ago

Text

YS dictionary (o-z)

odd

the odd one out谓孤臣异类，例如And so suddenly, instead of being one among many, I became the odd one out.。

引介选择范围，例如Of the two bands, Tommy's probably featured the more inventive and interesting jazz charts.，又如Of the three people who died aged under 65, one person was vaccinated against COVID-19 and two people were not vaccinated.。

后接数字表示年龄，例如David Swan, a young man of 20, was travelling on foot from New Hampshire to Boston.，

offence

take offence犹言自认被冒犯，例如Author Sarah Stusek appeared to take offence when Goodreads user Karleigh Kebartas gave her debut novel Three Rivers four stars instead of five.。

offer

双宾动词，例如The last part offers the reader additional opportunity for practice.。

offer to do sth.，谓自动表示愿做某事，例如’No, I’ll keep my stole on,’ she said to the girl when she offered to take it, ‘thank you.’

old

谓色之偏于深暗，例如When the visitors seized the lead after 55 seconds it spelled the start of a miserable afternoon for those in old gold.，此为狼队球衣色。

once

(every) once in a while，偶尔，例如I used to live in a city, but now I saw only fields and trees and once in a while, an old log cabin.

one

注意one是半元音开头的，前面用a，如When I was just learning to drive I went down a one-way street the wrong way.，又如a one-bedroomed apartment.

More than one后跟单数形式，例如When you find yourself in a situation with more than one hazard, what do you do?

only

only too言程度之高，其中only too well较常见，例如Mrs Jerebohm was to reticent to point out that her poverty in country friendships was only too well reflected in the number of guests at her dinner table.，其它例如I was only too pleased to help.

onset

事件之开始，例如His first hit record marked the onset of an astonishing career.，又如at the onset of the war，介词用at。

可受修饰整体做形容词，例如Alcohol misuse, coming from a lower socioeconomic background, loneliness and having a hearing impairment are among 15 factors found to significantly increase the risk of early-onset dementia.，又如Addressing these modifiable factors may prove effective in mitigating the risk of developing young onset dementia.。

opinion

be of the opinion that，犹言持论如左，较正式，例如He would not sit down after they had left in case he fell asleep, which this he would not permit himself to do since he was of opinion that sleep should be enjoyed sparingly.，此句出自毛姆，无the，察当代例皆有the，故以有为准。

opportunity

介词可用for，不可数，后接np.，例如The last part offers the reader additional opportunity for practice.，或接v-ing.，例如There’ll be plenty of opportunity for relaxing once the work is done.。

动词可用seize，例如The forward has seized his opportunity in the absence of the injured Gabriel Jesus with three goals in his last four appearances and impressive teamwork in the wins over Liverpool and West Ham.。

opposite

polar opposite谓绝对对立面，例如Still, after watching her in Harry Potter, it's interesting to see her play a character who is the polar opposite of Hermione Granger.。

or连接两个完整的一般疑问句，即可表示两种情况间的选择问。例如Was it heart failure in the back of a taxi or was Rivera right in suggesting that it was a politically motivated crime?，又如Can you really remember that or did I just tell it to you?

out

out there在口语中很惯用，虽则在语义上贡献甚微。应注意体会使用，如But while there's endless advice out there for parents, there's not much specifically for how to be in this non-parent supportive role.

ovation

观众集体鼓掌致意，可数，例如Smith Rowe was given a standing ovation when Arteta withdrew him towards the end.，又如The final piece won her a rapturous ovation from the audience.，又如In addition to a brief review for the course final exam, the overflowing audience (both in person and on the live YouTube stream) heard recollections, appreciations, and congratulations from Prof. Strang’s colleagues and former students. A rousing standing ovation concluded this historic event.。

over

over表示地点的用法比较微妙。例如The English version is two aisles over.，这里over等于away。

表比较，例如Kylian Mbappe chose PSG over Real Madrid.，又如

后加餐饮，引介情境，例如She would have preferred a maisonette on the front at Brighton, where she could occasionally parade in her best hat, gossip over morning coffee, and gaze at the sea.，又如They spent an hour over lunch.，此句over近于during。

overcome

后可搭配problem，表示搞定难题，如Humans have been trying to overcome this problem for millennia.

pale

pale blue eyes为洋人形容瞳子色常用语，谓其淡蓝，例如”I been to a funeral,” he said, staring me with his pale, blue eyes.

part

part with犹言献出、给出，后常常跟钱，例如It’s a huge investment, so you probably need to ask yourself if you like CS enough to part with that amount of money.。

past

有this past之说法，谓新近刚过去的，例如The last collective agreement expired at the end of 2022 and bargaining didn't start until this past October.，又如this past week/summer.。

pastime

可数，例如One of her favourite pastimes is reading detective stories.。

peanut

peanuts谓钱少如毛毛雨，例如When I sold my first bestseller (and a million dollars was peanuts for my father) he was not impressed and wondered what I was going to do with myself.，又如I won’t work for peanuts.。

peg

A square peg (in a round hole)，方凿圆枘，谓不适宜某岗位，例如Emi isn't good with the ball at his feet; he literally can't play the way we need a keeper to for our style of game. Square peg, round hole.。

peg本身义较多，须具体理解。如coat pegs谓挂衣钩，clothes pegs则晾衣夹，tuning pegs则乐器之旋钮。

pencil

[phrasal verbs]pencil in谓初步排定某事件或时间，例如On Thursday night the indications were that Kane is leaning towards a move to Germany, with a medical pencilled in for Friday after talks gathered pace.，又如We’ll pencil in the dates for the next two meetings and confirm them later.注意前一例是事件作动词宾语，for引介时间；后一例是时间作动词宾语，仍用for引介事件。主要宾语亦可为人，如Shall I pencil you in for Friday?（用于预约）；又如He was pencilled in to play the detective.，此例和时间无关。

penny

watch every penny谓省着用，例如This was a large amount for someone who watched every penny and was so careful with money.。pinch pennies或pinch a penny程度更强，谓抠抠搜搜，例如She was the most wilful woman that ever lived and the best at pinching a penny. She had all three girls married at the same time by the same minister to save money.。

pest

害虫或兽，例如A teacher nearby gently advises Ashton not to touch the animal, then explains hedgehogs are a pest in New Zealand and that the maggots are breaking down its remains.。

pet

pet name犹言诨名昵称，例如Pinkie was his pet name for Mrs Jerebohm; it suited her much better than Phyllis.。

pheasant

/fezənt/山鸡、野鸡。

picture

注意动词没有图画一义。有谓想象者，例如He pictured Harvard and Yale as famous universities where students, like the ancient Greeks, stood around under marble temples and talked about great ideas.；有谓

pig

guinea pig/ˈɡɪn.i/犹谓人体小白鼠，例如Having failed to kill Smith on its first attempt, Alabama has selected him as its ‘guinea pig’ to test a method of execution never attempted before.，又如They are asking for students to be guinea pigs in their research into the common cold.。

plain

副词表强调，例如Monk instead created a piano style that struck many of his contemporaries as erratic, awkward, or just plain odd.。

plight

苦难困境，例如A pandemic of inhumanity has taken hold, from Darfur to Ukraine, from the plight of women and girls in Afghanistan to the seemingly forgotten voices of Rohingya refugees in Myanmar, and now the intolerable tragedy that is deepening in Israel and the State of Palestine and threatening to spread wider.注意为可数，例如The African elephant is in a desperate flight.。

point

to the point表示程度，例如For the last 20 years, I have suffered quite badly from intermittent insomnia, to the point where I was in real despair.，又如He was rude to the point of being aggressive.。亦有用不定冠词的类似表达，例如Though Python supports an indefinite level of nesting, there can come a point where it becomes too confusing for humans to easily understand.，

power

powers of sth.谓某种特殊能力，例如Conan Doyle wrote four novels and 56 short stories about the mastermind’s pursuit of criminals using his observational skills and powers of deduction.，亦可不言明能力的内容，例如Spiderman uses his powers to fight crime.。

practically

有近于一义，例如A dominating force in the 1930s, Hawkins influenced practically all other saxophonists.。此义形容词亦有之，例如She married a practical stranger.。

practice

医生、律师等特定职业，动词用practice，例如He attended the University of Toronto Law School, but he never practiced law.，又如She’s practicing medicine in Philadelphia.。名词亦有此，例如《成长的烦恼》中Jason has moved his practice into the house so he can be there for the kids.，其中Jason是psychiatrist。

It is good practice to do sth.谓是个好习惯，无冠词，例如Due to this, it is good practice to avoid nesting if-statements beyond 2 or 3 levels deep.，又如Everyone knows it is good business practice to listen to your customers.

prat

傻逼。

precise

to be precise，准确而言，例如The former West Ham hero had set up goals with whipped dead-ball deliveries for William Saliba and Gabriel Magalhães – Nos 1 and 3, to be precise.。

prepare

prepare sb. for sth.，例如Shortly before you wake, your body releases a surge of hormones, including the stress hormone cortisol, which prepares you for the day.。

pretend

pretend (that) + s.谓装得好像，例如All these years she has been pretending. She has pretended that he was a great artist to protect him.，又如We pretended nothing had happened.。

proper

像样的，例如But despite this, he is opposed to buying a proper water bottle. He carries around a big plastic one and only replaces it every month or so.，又如When are you going to find a proper job?。

puke

俚语谓呕吐，例如The boy puked all over me this morning.。亦有puke sth. up，例如I puked up my dinner.。

put

谓置人于某境地，具体例子如I’ve taken drugs to put me to sleep and drugs to keep me awake.，又如Don’t go putting yourself at risk.。

raise

谓引发，例如The cancellation of Owen’s talk at HKU comes after a number of incidents that have raised concerns about academic freedom in the Chinese territory.，又如

reach

reach谓伸手拿，常用for引介所拿的东西，例如Tolman reached for the envelope, but Gillian tore it up and said, “You doo’t need to read this.”，又如She reached inside her bag for a pen.。

ready

Whenever you are ready.是一句常用口语，提示对方可以下一步操作。

谓敏于做某事，例如To a very attentive reader ready to pick up suggestions they may reveal the key idea of the solution.，又如Don’t be so ready to believe the worst about people.，其中ready为形容词故受修饰。

reason

reason with sb.谓白活道理，例如Eventually, Peter stopped trying to reason with Mrs. Mallow.，

recoil

厌惧，介词用from，例如Mrs Jerebohm recoiled from the expression ‘demolition rats’ as Mr Jerebohm himself had done down by the lake-side.，或at，例如I recoiled at the thought.。

快速缩回，例如She recoiled from his touch.，或如He recoiled in horror at the sight of the corpse。故此可解释from及at的使用。

red

(catch sb.) red-handed谓抓现行，例如He’s been stealing from the store. I caught him red-handed.，又被动的例子如He must be caught red-handed to secure a conviction.。词源方面，如果是指手上沾血，那么red-handed所修饰的是受事；不过现在语感中，语义指向可能已经转向谓语。

reduce

谓降价，价值近于形容词，例如The price is reduced from 99 cents to 85 cents.，且受事可以是商品，例如The sign nearby said the stockings were reduced from $2.50 to $1.98.。

regardless

副词犹言尽管如此，多置句末，例如As things stand, with Sevilla 1-0 up through Sergio Ramos, Arsenal are in the last 16. They’ll want to win regardless, especially as they owe Lens one after a 2-1 defeat in the return fixture.。

cash register谓超市收银机。

relationship

谓人际关系可数，例如From early childhood, we all form close relationships with the people around us.，又如In the final story, the relationship between a mother and her son is tested.。

relentless

不消不停，不折不挠，例如What really interests Xi is how Israel’s relentless assault on Gaza is making its US ally look weak and guilty by association in the eyes of the world while dividing the western democracies.，或如a relentless enemy。但未必是贬义，例如her relentless pursuit of perfection。

repeat

on repeat谓循环放歌，例如It won’t be the number of minutes of Taylor Swift that made a mark, but the emotional angst of a breakup I tried to expel by playing Mr Perfectly Fine on repeat for an entire day.。

resonate

resonate with谓引起共鸣、触动情感，例如For a chance to feature in the magazine, send us a picture you took recently, telling us where it is in the world, when you took it and why the scene resonated with you at that particular moment.，又如His speech resonated with the fears and suspicions of his audience.，后一例的宾语不是人。

rich

be rich in谓富于，例如According to a self-styled sleep expert I found on the internet, “Turkey is rich in an amino acid called tryptophan, which goes to your brain and is converted to serotonin, which helps you sleep.”。

right

in sb’s own right谓凭自己，而非借势于人，使用需要把握，参考例子如Using a symbol for a missing digit in a place value system is not the same as recognising zero as a number in its own right.。

rise

谓河流发源，例如Rising in Bedfordshire, the Lea flows for 46 miles through Hertfordshire and north-east London, eventually reaching the Thames.。

rock

动词谓摇晃，例如Maybe the movement of the bus will rock me to sleep.，又如摇椅为rocking chair。

round

量词，谓子弹的发，例如A consultant hired by the city concluded that “the 55 rounds fired by six officers in ~3.5 seconds is reasonable based upon my training and experience as a range instructor”.，又如We only have three rounds of ammunition left.。

route

美国有读为/raʊt/者。

en route必读为/ˌɒ̃ ˈruːt/。

row

名词谓争执，例如Arteta was taken back to Tuesday night’s 2-1 win at Nottingham Forest. And specifically to the on-pitch row between Oleksandr Zinchenko and Ben White after the full-time whistle, when passions boiled over.

ruffle

谓讲平整之处弄乱，例如A light breeze ruffled the surface of the lake.，又如She ruffled his hair affectionately.。

ruffle sb.’s feathers谓令人不悦，例如No longer saying yes when my gut says no – even if I risk ruffling someone’s feathers.

run

run-up to sth.略谓某事之先的筹备造势阶段，介词可用during，例如during the run-up to the election，例如In August 2014, de Botton was one of 200 public figures who were signatories to a letter to ‘The Guardian’ opposing Scottish independence in the run-up to September's referendum on that issue.，亦可受前置限定，例如The shops are fully stocked for the Christmas run-up.。

runway

即catwalk，参看。

sail

谓快速移动，未必在水上，例如Then she kicked him from behind, and he went flying out the door. Nehemiah's feet never touched the front steps. He sailed right out onto the lawn, came down on his feet and kept on running.谓飞过，又如She sailed past, ignoring me completely.谓走过，

same

the same as后接的内容较灵活，此亦可参看than一条，例如Arsenal’s position at Christmas and point at Anfield are the same as last season, but Arsenal are not the same as last season.

save

save sb. sth.谓免于，例如The Brigadier was saved the necessity of answering this enigmatical question by the breezy entrance of Pop.。

say

that’s saying something犹言可见一斑，例如My pleasure in playing with Teddy Wilson equalled the pleasure I got out of playing Mozart, and that's saying something.，又如This is the most confusing novel I’ve ever read, and considering I did my Master’s thesis on Ulysses, that’s saying something.，此表达常搭配considering云云.。

scare

吓着，例如Frank, you scared me.，又如It scared me to think I was alone in the building.，又如Most of us like to read about strange events, and sometimes we even like to be scared.。

score

给影视等配乐，及物，例如Nick Cave and Warren Ellis will score the forthcoming Amy Winehouse biopic, Back to Black.。

scream

scream one’s head off谓疯狂大叫，例如I was screaming my head off at the local Gooner pub last night.，又如I screamed my head off on the roller coster.。

screen

screen out谓将不良分子屏斥在外，如Converus’s technology, EyeDetect, has been used by FedEx in Panama and Uber in Mexico to screen out drivers with criminal histories.。

second

every second字面固谓每两个有一个，但亦有泛滥一义，如Probably every second baby boy and each dog will now be named Bayraktar.，就是说Bayraktar这个名字在男孩身上用得太滥。

see

看医生一类可言see，例如Eighteen months ago, I saw a breathworker and the impact on my mental health was transformative.。

self-serving

自私，形容做法如Anyone wondering what life would be like in a 21st-century world led by China need look no further than Beijing’s self-serving, two-faced approach to the Israel-Hamas war.，亦可形容人，如He is a ruthless, self-serving politician.。

self-styled

自封的，例如According to a self-styled sleep expert I found on the internet, “Turkey is rich in an amino acid called tryptopham, which goes to your brain and is converted to serotonin, which helps you sleep.”。

send

派遣，例如Mark Carson was a newspaper journalist. He was sent by his editor to write a story about life in Chinatown.。

sense

谓理智、判断力一类东西，注意把握，例如He looks like a big fellow, doesn’t he? It takes some of them a long time to get any sense.，又如You should have the sense to take advice when it is offered.。

separate

区别分辨，介词用from，例如But none of these methods has yielded a reliable way to separate fiction from fact.，又如On average, across 206 scientific studies, people can separate truth from lies just 54% of the time.。

serialise

连载、连播，多用被动，例如The novel was originally serialised in both the Tokyo and Osaka editions of the Asahi Newspaper in one hundred instalments from October 1961 through January of the following year.。

shit

start shit，口语谓挑事惹麻烦，例如Then the Porto players trying to act tough and start shit with our players.。

shoo

挥手或物赶走，例如Bees get stuck by our kitchen skylight, buzzing in panic. Shooing them with a magazine only makes them panic more.。

亦为叹词，犹“去去去”，例如Shoo, all of you, I’m busy!

shoo-in谓包赢之人，非渠莫属，例如If Arsenal do sign Martin Odegaard, they’re a shoo-in for the 2024 Champions League quarter finals.，又如There is not yet an Academy Award for Best Whistling, but, if there were, Molly Lewis would be a shoo-in.

shoplift

从店里顺走东西，及物，例如She was caught trying to shoplift a pair of jeans.，又名词例子如Shoplifting is a crime. Offenders will be prosecuted.。

should

表示比较肯定的推测，在未来事件中等于probably，研究The lesser spotted Gabriel replaces the injured Thomas Partey, which means Ben White will (okay, should) move to right-back.。

short

fall short (of)谓不及，例如Arsenal are planning a third offer for Rice after a second bid, which fell short of the minimum £100m asking price, was rejected on Tuesday.，又如August car sales fell short of the industry's expectations.，未必后接数字。言差距用by，例如They needed 60 votes to pass the bill, but they fell short by 12 votes.。

showdown

表示冲突悬案之最终摊牌解决，可数，例如The now-yearly summer contract showdown with his employers meant the forward was sidelined from the first-team at the start of the campaign.，又如Management are facing a showdown with union members today.。

shy

shy away from谓因紧张害怕而躲避，例如She always shied away from white people.，又如I've never shied away from hard work.。由后一例来看，和shy的字面义已经关涉不大。

sight

有景点一义，如On this road trip you must visit all the sights without driving over the same road twice to make it to the finish.，搭配动词常用visit或see。

since

句末副词，谓从此以后（不必是否定句），例如Investing in wired headphones, rather than wireless earbuds. Not one has popped out of my ear and disappeared down the drain since.，又如I started on 18 January 1994 and, by repeating this same promise to myself every morning since, I’m coming up to 30 years sober.。

single

single-use谓一次性，例如single-use straws/napkins/stir sticks等。

size

go up a size谓衣服鞋子增大一码，例如I used to think there was no such thing as a comfy bra, believing that it was normal for underwire to leave angry red marks in its wake. Turns out I just needed to go up a size!。

sleeve

wear one’s heart on one’s sleeve，成语谓感情流露不加掩饰，例如Mikel Arteta says he has no regrets over his explosive reaction to Arsenal’s defeat at Newcastle in November and will continue to wear his heart on his sleeve if he feels his team have suffered injustice.。

small

the small hours指凌晨约一两点钟，亦有作the early hours者，例如My wife will quite happily stay up working until the small hours, while I prefer to head for bed soon after 10 p.m.。

smart

做动词，常以be smarting from格式出现，谓承受……之痛，例如My eyes are smarting from the onions.，又如And Arsenal were still smarting from their previous record buy, who was … Nicolas Pepe.。

snap

snap up略谓好东西被争相购买，多为被动式，如All the best bargains were snapped up within hours.，又如Their inventions are being snapped up by police forces, state agencies and nations desperate to secure themselves against foreign threats.，又如Don’t be too sad for Altman – the 38-year-old has already been snapped up by Microsoft for an undisclosed sum.，此句言挖人而非购物。

snatch

抓过抢过，例如We would crowd round, heads bent over a video game or YouTube, snatching the phone off each other to have a go.，又如She managed to snatch the gun from his hand.。

snuggle

此词难译，谓以身体拥在某处，贪其舒适，例如When I’m comfortable, cosy or just entertained, I turn my attention toward that sensation, in the way I would notice a puppy snuggling in my lap.，又如The child snuggled up to her mother.，又如He snuggled his head onto her shoulder.表示及物用法，又如He snuggled down under the bedclothes.。各句介词不一，须单独记忆。

This is so犹This is how，口气犹正是藉此，例如You need to go online at least once every 30 days to keep your downloads. This is so Spotify can collect play data to compensate artists.，又如Hole cut in stormwater pond fence. I would guess this is so they could paint graffiti on the wall inside the fence.。

so… that…之倒装，例如He lectured from seven till nine and so popular were his lectures that if you wanted a good seat you had to be there at six thirty.。

something

or something (like that)，犹言诸如此类，例如You mean she’s still waiting out there? She’ll faint off or something.。

something of + np.谓可算是，如Blakey was something of a university for up-and-coming jazz players, providing them with a rich environment for musical growth.，又如She found herself something of a celebrity.。

soon

soon-to-be谓即将成为，例如She was still laughing when all her children and soon-to-be mourners came down the stairs and surrounded her.。

soul

sell one's soul (to the devil)谓不择手段出卖灵魂，例如He knew how to get people to tell him their secrets. In fact, people who knew him said he was "a man who would sell his soul for a story".，

speak

speak to sb.谓谈话，例如We spoke to five experts with different viewpoints to capture the current state of discussion.，或如I’ve spoken to the manager about it.。又如打电话可以说Can I speak to Billy?。

spell

意味，导致，往往为负面，例如For one thing, Arteta ensured no significant errors were made in Group B. They took Lens, Sevilla and PSV Eindhoven seriously because the alternative would have spelt trouble.，又如The crop failure spelt disaster for many farmers.，可以后接for sb.。

spit (- spat - spat)

吐口水，不带宾。如She spat in his face and went out.

spit out吐出，如Three thousand years ago in China, the accused were forced to chew and spit out rice; the grains were thought to stick in the dry, nervous mouths of the guilty.

spite

谓恶心某人，惹怒某人，例如Folks said she married this fellow Buxton after she was jilted by Nehemiah Westfield just to spite Nehemiah.。

split

split the difference谓谈价时各退一步取中间，例如’I’ll split the difference,’ Mr Jerebohm said. ‘Fair enough,’ Pop said, ‘Seventeen thousand.’。

spot

put sb. on the spot谓使人难堪或难办，例如Mira rather put the boss on the spot by asking him when he was going to give us a pay rise.，又如Some people stiffen and freeze when put on the spot; others become more animated.

指一些合要求的地点，用法较灵活，例如Can you avoid everyone, find a quiet spot, read the books, then rush to the all-night garage to pick up some last-minute gifts?，又如I just wanted to find a spot to sleep.，又如It was a very hot day, and after walking all morning in the sun, he became tired and sleepy. He found a shady spot where he could sit and wait for a stagecoach.，又如a parking/tourist/secluded spot等。

stand

stand in谓替补，如My assistant will stand in for me while I’m away.名词stand-in，例如And in the absence of Gabriel Jesus, that is precisely what Arsenal need to see on a regular basis from his stand-in Eddie Nketiah.。

stand down谓下台让位，自动词，例如He stood down to make way for someone younger.，亦有他动词用法谓撤差，例如The video assistant referee who recommended the controversial penalty that denied Newcastle victory against Paris Saint‑Germain in the Champions League on Tuesday has been stood down at the Champions League Group D fixture on Wednesday between Real Sociedad and Red Bull Salzburg.

stay

stay off谓远离某事物，例如Let’s stay off the subject of politics.，又如I realised that there were really two key inputs that would help me finish my novel: writing every day and staying off my phone because it always distracted me.。

still

犹言更，成语有better still，独立做插入语。例如This work potentially gives us another very interesting tool for such collaborations, enabling mathematicians to search efficiently for clever and unexpected constructions. Better still, these constructions are humanly interpretable.。亦有非成语用法，如The next day was warmer still.，或如If you can manage to get two tickets that’s better still.。

stock

take stock谓复盘计划，例如It was time to stand back and take stock of his career.，又如December has always been a time to take stock: the highs, lows, memorable moments and best-ofs from the year just passed.。

stone

set in stone谓板上钉钉，如The schedule isn't set in stone, but we'd like to stick to it pretty closely. 又如Our legendary manager’s place in history was already assured thanks to the three league titles and seven FA Cups he claimed, but now it is truly set in stone - or rather bronze - after he was immortalised with a statue outside the stadium.这里的用法有幽默意味。

stuff

动词谓塞，例如If we start to use multiple return too loosely, this can lead to us trying to stuff too much functionality into one function, and then returning many results. ，又如The boy stuffed his pockets with candy.

suffering

名词，犹言苦难，常用搭配如human suffering，例如We are currently experiencing a moment of profound human suffering globally.。又如Death finally brought an end to her suffering.。

sure

be sure to do sth.谓一定记得去做，例如"I'll be sure to come back on Sunday." Tom said goodnight to us and left.，又如Be sure to ring and let us know you’ve got back safely.

survive

be survived by犹言身后留下，如He was survived by his wife, two sons Booker T. III and Larry Cornelius, and two daughters Cornelia and Ana Dorsey.，此为常用套话。这是因为survive可做outlive解，例如She survived her husband by ten years.

tailor

tailor sth. to sth.，依要求打造，例如All the products that looked so great in the ads – so stylish, and so tailored to my exact requirements – turned out to be a letdown on delivery.，此句中另用程度副词修饰。又tailor sth. for sb.，量身打造，例如The system is specially tailored for small companies.。

take

医学检测常用之，如In 1730, the English writer Daniel Defoe suggested taking the pulse of suspected pickpockets.，又如Take an adult's temperature by mouth, in the ear or under the armpit.

take + sth./v.-ing谓需要，例如It takes getting used to, but this small, simple change has had a big impact and given me a newfound freedom.。

take it or leave it犹言你要不要吧，例如'Nice and profitable, you mean. A hundred dollars, take it or leave it.' she says.

take off谓匆匆离开，例如Before I could ask where they were going, they took off.。

tear

一滴眼泪，可数，因此多用复数。单数例子如A tear rolled down his face.。用单数的成语有shed a tear，犹言哭了一小下，例如I shed a tear during the final episode of the show.。

close to tears谓快哭了，例如He was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilised by the hugeness of the task ahead.。

tears of n.谓xx的眼泪，尤其例如She felt her eyes slowly fill with tears of joy.，又如He was crying tears of joy.。

move sb. to tears谓令人泪下，注意未必是正面的感动，例如Chicago Bulls fans booed former general manager Jerry Krause on Friday night during a halftime ceremony to honor the organisation’s greats, seemingly moving his widow to tears and drawing criticism from former players.。

tear up谓撕得粉碎，例如Tolman reached for the envelope, but Gillian tore it up and said, “You don’t need to read this.”。

than

比较的后项，句法性质可以和前项不同，需要体会才能熟练运用。例如For a few seconds it actually hurt him to look at her, taller by several inches than when he had seen her last, growing rapidly, her bust ripening.

rather than前后一致，价值上似近于元语连词，例如Rather than feel lost, I take a pause, stop the spiral of anxious thoughts and remind myself that, when nothing is certain, anything is possible.，句中feel lost犹如接在主语I后，和其他vp.一样。此亦可参看do下一条。

thank

动词，例如”I thank you very much, Sir,” Gillian said, and he went out to his cab.，这里用语较正式，又如I thanked him and was happy to see his lovely home.。

the

the + 国籍，表示某国人，复数，例如Mecking’s book has now been translated into 13 languages and the French are particularly keen on it. But just because niksen originated in the Netherlands does not mean the Dutch are particularly good at it.。

the可以管多个名词短语，如Sales will take place throughout the spring and summer.。此点在a条目下亦有。

习惯上不加冠词的，如He liked to linger over dinner and the guests did not rise from table till late.，又如At a quarter to ten he suspended his arduous labour and by ten was safely tucked up in bed.，又如I don’t have much time. I go on stage in two minutes.，又如

of短语前也未必加the，例如Voice-stress analysis, which aims to detect deception based on changes in tone of voice, was used during the interrogation of George Zimmerman.。

有限定的名词前也可不加the，关键在于有没有语用上的回指，例如These tools track the flow of blood to areas of the brain involved in social calculation, memory recall and impulse control.，又如Arthur Conan Doyle secretly hated his creation Sherlock Holmes and blamed the cerebral detective character for denying him recognition as the author of highbrow historical fiction, according to the historian Lucy Worsley.。

职位之前，有些情况无冠词，例如He only recently made his debut for the France Under-21s, where he was picked as captain by manager Thierry Henry.。

同位语前无冠词，例如He only recently made his debut for the France Under-21s, where he was picked as captain by manager Thierry Henry.，又如

theatre

有战线一义，例如His subsequent novels of Burma and of India stemmed directly or indirectly from his war experience in the Eastern theatre of war.，又如an intelligence officer in the Pacific theatre。

thick

in the thick of为深入参预，例如Mikel Arteta proclaimed that Arsenal are back in the thick of the title race after their resounding 3-1 win against Liverpool.，或深陷其中，例如Her comments landed her in the thick of a family feud.，又如These intimate confessions are displayed on a wall of the Jam Factory, an elegant arts centre in the city of Lviv in western Ukraine that has, improbably, opened in the thick of Russia’s invasion.

thin

thin out谓数量由多变少，例如He’s 27 but the front of his hair and the middle have thinned out a lot.。

thing

and that sort of thing，注意单数，例如My husband wants shooting parties and all that sort of thing.。

think

表示想为及物动词，哪怕直接代词亦可，例如Because I’m from England, so obviously I’m going to think that.。

think about谓就某事做考虑，例如The government needs to think carefully about the issue raised.。

think of往往表示评价判断，例如What do you think of the film?，当然在这个用法上也可换成about，例如What you think about his idea?，或省去介词，如What do you think?即问意见。此外有think of np. as np.，例如I think of this place as my home.。

I think not.相当于No.，唯语气正式，例如警察说But did he put the tablets in the hot milk? I think not.，又如'Will you be going tonight, James?''I think not.'。

this

all this谓以上全部，注意不是all these，例如Despite all this, bebop proved attractive to some of the large bands.，又如The mobile phone is cheap. It has a good battery. It has front and rear cameras. All this makes it a good choice.。

though

在句末，表“虽说…不过…”，补充此前意思相反的信息，例如No. They do get told when people enter the stream, though.。

thought

谓想法可数，例如We have 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts a day, but 80% of them are repetitive and negative. Every morning, I choose an empowering thought; every night, I choose a grateful thought, which helps shift my mindset.。

��及某事物，介词用of，例如The thought of her four children dressed in new clothes made her excited and happy.，又如I couldn’t bear the thought of waiting any longer.。

thrilled

形容词，谓激动兴奋，例如Felice told me she was worried that they wouldn’t find anything, so she was thrilled when the final results were clearer than she had dared hope.。

throughout

谓一段时间内连续或频繁做某动作，强调其频率高，例如He has recorded dozens of worthy and spirited sets throughout the years.，又如The ceremony lasted two hours and we had to stand throughout.，此例不带宾。

thumb

rule of thumb谓经验之谈，例如A good rule-of-thumb is to stick to having functions either returning nothing, or exactly 1 thing, as much as possible.，

time

It’s high time.犹言早就该做了，例如’Have him charged, Pinkie. Put him in court. Let the police deal with him. The swine. It’s high time. I’ll be a witness for you.’，又如It’s high time (that) you cleaned your room.，句式为It’s high time (that) + 过去时小句，另注意无冠词。

at all times，一直。例如You don’t have to keep your curtains open at all times.，又如Hard hats must be worn at all times on site.。

to + vp.作为体词的例子，如The key to eating a Meddiet cheaply is to go for canned and frozen foods, which are just as nutritious.，

歌词用to，例如Some might say – but some might simply forget the words to the song. The musician Noel Gallagher has admitted he struggles to remember the words to some of the hits he created with his younger brother Liam in their band Oasis.，又如To pull one from the collection at random might be to meet the me that copied out the lyrics to Doll Parts, or scrawled, bizarrely, “no gene for mortgage: socially constructed”, or the me who wrote that they had “100 years to start appreciating ballet”.，其中Doll Parts为歌曲名。

touch

具某种情味的细节，例如The cottage was decorated with a woman's touch. There were pictures hanging on the walls and rugs on the floors.，又如The candles gave the table a romantic touch.

towel

throw in the towel谓认输放弃，例如Rather than telling myself to throw in the towel, I find that affirming messages help me get hard things done.。

transport/transportation

交通，不可数，美语多作transportation，例如After 30 years of taking public transport and walking, I got healthier.。

trick

trick sb. into doing.，例如Putting a smile on my face the moment I wake up. It tricks the brain into thinking: ooh, I feel quite good about today!。

do the trick谓起效用，例如Listening to music while working out has made me feel powerful and alive. Metallica is the best, but any 80s or 90s metal does the trick.。

trip

绊一跤，主动词，例如He tripped and fell down, grazing his knee.。又有trip over sth.，例如There’s no more scrabbling for the light switch while I trip over a box.

trouble

in/into trouble指惹事上身被人算账的情形，注意为单数形式，例如But Alfred always got in trouble and couldn’t hold a job for very long.，算账的人用with引介，例如He was in trouble with his teachers.，又如a charity that helps women in trouble with the law。

tweak

微调，名词可数，例如With a few tweaks this venue will be perfect.，又如Here are tried and tested tweaks that can lead to big improvements.。动词例如I think you’ll have to tweak these figures a little before you show them to the boss.。

unnerving

令人恐慌，例如Florida Museum of Natural History shark research director Gavin Naylor said the number of bites was consistent with long-term trends. “Though the number of fatalities is a bit unnerving this year,” he said.，又如Meeting a twin brother I didn’t know I had was an unnerving experience.。

up to加时间，相当于until，如Up to yesterday, we had no idea where the child was.，细按则up to较until更有逼近迄至的口气。亦有The record rain, reported in the hour up to midnight on Thursday, comes just days after the city dodged major damage from a super typhoon.，此句中犹言紧邻午夜前的一小时。亦有up until，如Up until the 19th century, the Halloween bonfires were also used for divination in parts of Scotland, Wales and Brittany.

沿路走时，up或down的使用近于任意，例如Four times Henry walked up the road and looked for her.，又如

vacation

英美都有/veɪˈkeɪʃn/和/vəˈkeɪʃn/两读。

多用于on vacation，例如Do you always try to head to bed before midnight, even if you are on vacation?。

very

very表示强调，后为最高级形容词，如Hazard got over his jaw-dropping loss of cool in south Wales and over the course of the next six years established himself as one of Chelsea’s very best players.，或为限定形容词，如At last he had his very own car，又如at the very top of the stairs。

voiceover

影视画外音，可数，例如In a voiceover, Tien suffers this fate due to his bad karma, but adds that he will find a way to cheat death.。

wank

撸管。

wardrobe

可指一个人的衣物，可数，例如I want to buy a whole summer wardrobe.，又如My capsule wardrobe is three pairs of trousers, three jumpers and five tops.。

wave

make waves谓惹争议搞事情，例如A San Francisco taqueria owner made waves after raising the price of a signature dish.。

wear

谓涂香水，例如It was a wonderful perfume she was wearing.，又如She was wearing too much perfume.。

谓面露表情，例如Jurgen Klopp paces and paces, wearing the pressure all so obviously.，又如He wore a puzzled look on his face.，

were

违背现实之事，各人称均用were，例如He bowed as she left as if she were a princess.。

what

Now what?谓现在咋办。

whatever

后仅接np.的例子，如Exercising and being outdoors, whatever the weather, sets me on the right track for my day.。

whatsoever

用于否定句末尾，犹at all，谓毫不或略无，例如Arsenal are guaranteed to finish Group B as winners, while PSV have already secured second spot. This game has no real consequence whatsoever, so let’s not oversell it and simply enjoy it for what it is.。

white

turn white谓惊慌失色，主语可以直接是人，例如Miss Hayden turned white. “Oh,” she said, and again, “oh.”，又相近的例子如She went white as a sheet as she heard the news.，也可以是脸，例如Zack’s face turned white and his jaw dropped.。

谓西洋人，例如Pan was a half-white, half-Chinese girl.。

whittle

动词谓木雕，例如The children, aged between four and 12, trundle along to the working farm every week, leaving their home or mainstream schools to spend the day playing in mud, building campfires, feeding tuna (the Māori word for eels), whittling , trapping pests, planting native trees and learning how to become kaitiaki (guardians) of their environment.，又如He whittled a piece of wood into a simple toy.或He whittled a simple toy from a piece of wood.。

word

word gets around that谓流言出现，例如Then all of a sudden, about two weeks ago, word got around that she was dying.，around可接地点，例如She doesn’t want word getting around the office that she’s pregnant.。

work

work up反应激动甚至过激，例如Wow dude, you are too worked up over this.，又如It’s easy to get worked up when you’re tired and everything seems to be against you.。

work可后接时间宾语，例如And if you decide to go into one of the caring professions, do bear in mind that doctors, nurses, paramedics, and care workers are all expected to work antisocial hours.，又如Despite the disruption to my sleep pattern caused by the irregular hours I had to work, I never had any problem drifting off.，后一例同时支持了此不宜分析为时间短语做状语。

work in + n.谓在做某一行，例如She has worked in English language teaching for twenty years.，又如I've always worked in education.。

yarn

毛线球。

spin yarns谓吹牛瞎编，例如Liars can spin yarns packed with colour and detail and truth-tellers can seem vague and evasive.

youth

谓青少年恒为复数，亦有作the youth者，参考例子如Adults and youth (ages 13 and older) need an average of 2000 calories a day, and children (ages 4 to 12) need an average of 1500 calories a day.。

zip

Zip it.谓闭嘴。

punctuation

After 9/11, the US government – long an enthusiastic sponsor of deception science – started funding other kinds of brain-based lie-detection work.

绰号前面的the，不进入引号，例如Dubbed the “Ghost Boat” by officials, the rusted carcass of a second world war Higgins boat, used to transport troops into battle and on to beaches overseas, began to emerge from the shallows in Lake Shasta last fall. 。但如果the是专名的一部分，则进入引号，例如Nearly everybody enters for “The Nicest Garden Competition” each year, but Joe wins every time.。

括号带插入语，置于常规标点后，例如Nehemiah came to the house. 'Well, Jenny, (see the Widow's name was Jenny) this is a sad occasion.'

word order and more

定语直接后置，例如He’s got a waiting list a mile long.，

关系名词作同位语后领多个名词，例如On a wall outside Sainsbury’s Local, just off the busy Peckham Road in south-east London, fine art students and flatmates Ruby Edwards and Mae Meddings, both 20, are eating lunch.

介词短语的完全倒装句，例如Before each guest was placed a pint bottle of wine and a pint bottle of white.。

假设句倒装，例如The ball is lofted, Robertson hauls Antony down and Diaz smashes over. Had that gone in, VAR would surely have ruled it out.，

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parkxdae-seong · 2 years ago

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. ✧ . * . ⌜ ahn hyo-seop, 22, cisgender male, he/him / figure it out by this wild life + paint smudges on cheeks, laying under the clouds, and eating a pile of sweets until your stomach hurts⌟ hey, have you met PARK DAE-SEONG yet? the HALFBLOOD(METAMORPHMAGUS) is a FOURTH YEAR at hogwarts and are a HUFFLEPUFF. makes sense given they tend to be a bit KIND and FICKLE. it seems the death of the boy who lived has placed them on the NEUTRAL side of the looming war. let’s just hope they make it out alive.

&. BASICS

Full Name: park dae-seong

Nicknames: he mostly goes by dae

Age: 22

Sexuality: pansexual

Date of Birth: may 10th

Place of Birth: seoul, south korea

Gender & Species: male, halfblood metamorphmagus

Current Location: liverpool

&. MORE BASIC INFO

Languages: english, korean, korean sign language

Education: fourth year hufflepuff @ hogwarts

Drinks, Smokes, & Drugs: occasionally

&. PERSONALITY

Zodiac Sign: taurus

Likes: laying under trees, watching clouds. any food, learning useless charms for the fun of it, changing his appearance randomly, butterbeer, jelly slugs, cats, care of magical creatures and herbology.

Dislikes: dada, uptight people, acid pops, being stuck inside all day, snape.

Secret Talent: he is literally a metamorphmagus, no talent of his is secret lol (except he's really good at painting and sculpture but that's also no secret)

Hobbies: art, hanging out with friends, he enjoys quidditch as a hobby (it's not that serious to him), board games

Five Positive Traits: amiable, creative, empathetic, kind, playful

Five Negative Traits: fickle, mellow, sarcastic, childish, procrastinating

Other Mentionable Details: hard of hearing is his left ear, also hums a lot

&. FAMILY INFORMATION

Parent Names: father, min joon and mother, jae hwa

Sibling Names: dae has an older sister, sun hee

Pets: two cats: paul, the ginger cat that stays home with his mother and sook his grey cat that is at hogwarts with him. ( x )

&. BIOGRAPHY

the park family originated from gwangju, south korea. his mother, a pureblood witch and metamorphmagus, met his father, a muggle, one summer and they instantly fell in love. they had to hide their relationship at first due to the fact that his mother already had a future husband lines up for her by her parents and that min joon was a muggle. after dae's mother graduated from the wizarding school in korea, she ran away to seoul with dae's father and they started a family.

dae's older sister was born just two years before dae, but as soon as dae joined the picture, they were inseparable. some would say that sun hee took care of dae like he was her own son, and she did at times. dae appreciated everything his family did/does for him and to have a built in best friend/confidant/protector in his sister was the cherry on top for him.

they stayed in seoul for ten years after dae was born, but when his mother's family threatened to take dae and sun hee from them, they moved away to liverpool, where an uncle of min joon was located.

dae loves art, especially painting and sculpture. since being at hogwarts, he's learned how to develop his skills in both magic and art and how to use both for his creative outlet.

while he is hard of hearing in his left ear, his mother is actually completely deaf and because of this, his whole family is fluent in korean AND korean sign language.

(more to come!!)

&. WANTED CONNECTION

exes

best friend

art muse

fwb

tutor

sister!!

unrequited crush

crush

flirtationship

former (best) friends

bad influence

#&.intro #fhqsintro #&. pinned post.

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johdinag · 6 years ago

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Just how And Why You Need To Employ A Business For Tree Felling In Liverpool

No person rejects the benefits of having trees in the yard and also yard of your house. But there comes a point when they end up being a threat to the security of your home as well as your life. At that point, you need to cut them down prior to they can hurt any person or harm your residential or commercial property. Moreover, when they capture any condition, it is needed for you to cut them otherwise you can get ill. There are several companies which are providing the services of tree felling in Liverpool.

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There are numerous firms which are using tree felling in Liverpool. You can employ any one of them to offer you with these solutions. If you are facing problems in finding a business for this job of getting rid of the tree from your area, right here are a few ideas which would certainly help you in this regard. To start with, you need to greet to Google. Ask Google to offer you with the names of companies running in your area. You will certainly get lots of names. After getting these names, make a list and ask your close friends as well as family members for referrals. They will provide you a couple of dependable and relied on names.

Do not go for the first name you obtain from your pals. Mark all those names in your list which are provided by your friends and family members. Currently do your own research study on them to check their integrity as well as high quality of services. Place the name of each firm in the search bar of your Google. It will provide you with a link to their site and evaluations of their previous customers. Have a look at these testimonials as well as go through their website also. This will give you an idea concerning the high quality of their solutions and also their professionalism and trust.

If you have doubt on any type of business, leave them and move on to the following one. After check all these testimonials, ask a few concerns. Ask about their experience as well as permit number. Inspect that number if it is valid or not. Do not fail to remember to inquire concerning the experience of their operatives. Just hire a firm which is reputable, experienced and also gives excellent quality services at an affordable rate.

#Tree Felling in Liverpool #Tree #Felling #in #Liverpool

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nyktipolos · 2 years ago

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At almost any location in any major city on Earth, you are likely standing on thousands of bodies. These bodies represent a history that exists, often unknown, beneath our feet. While a new Crossrail station was being dug in London in 2015, 3,500 bodies were excavated from a sixteenth- and seventeenth-century cemetery under Liverpool Street, including a burial pit from the Great Plague of 1665. To cremate bodies we burn fossil fuel, thus named because it is made of decomposed dead organisms. Plants grow from the decayed matter of former plants. The pages of this book are made from the pulp of raw wood from a tree felled in its prime. All that surrounds us comes from death, every part of every city, and every part of every person.

Doughty, Caitlin. Epilogue to From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death. W.W. Norton & Company, 2017.

#cailtin doughty #from here to eternity #from here to eternity: traveling the world to find the good death #the order of the good death #on death #excerpts #nonfiction #prose #*

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mydaroga · 3 years ago

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Notes from the expanded edition of Tune In, mostly for to remind myself and keep me on track. As always, discussion/commentary welcome in all the forms!

I'm trying to step this up because I read very slowly; or rather, I read quite fast but during college developed some kind of psychosomatic condition wherein it's almost impossible for me to read for more than 20 minutes before falling asleep. It's been suggested I turn to audiobooks which is a great idea but I really like having the notes to refer to. Ahh well.

Chapters 1 and 3 below

Chapter 1: The Pool of Life

All of 16, Alf was wearing one of the Blue Coat suits, to which he’d added, from his oh-so-cherished first wage packet, a cigarette holder and bowler hat.

Apple/tree, etc. Just amused by the bowler hat reference.

With her particularly lively personality, iridescent appeal to men, and a job that brought her into constant contact with a great many of them, it’s simply not credible (though it’s been said) that Julia resisted all male overtures because Alf was her one true love.

Ok. So. I'm not exactly sure who Lewisohn is pushing against here, but this is one of MANY times he takes the opportunity to essentially call Julia promiscuous. And he does it in a particularly gleeful way, always highlighting her attractiveness to men, that I find bothersome. It's that same old double standard where women are objectified and simultaneously held accountable for their own objectification through overt or oblique references to their (over)active sexuality. He seems to both revel in her sexiness and low-key slut shame her at the same time. And lest you think I'm being a prude, you can absolutely write about Julia liking sex and being unfaithful to Alf (if that is the evidence you have) without making it sound like a potboiler.

Chapter 3: War Babies

I guess I had nothing to say about chapter 2. I guess that was the general Liverpool history one.

Mimi would later remark that Julia swiftly regretted marrying Alf Lennon, accepting that she’d allowed defiance of her family to cloud her judgement, but it was unlikely to have been for the sake of defiance that Julia conceived Alf’s baby.

Unsure what he means here, unless he's just saying they really did care for each other at one time. Which is funny, because he tends to go out of his way to point out Alf is the injured party at every turn and Julia the floozy but ok.

Contrary to most published accounts, however, Julia Lennon didn’t give birth to her baby in an air raid.

I definitely remembered this from Shout, though now I read it again it is slightly ambiguous:

Mimi Stanley had always worried about her younger sister, Julia. She worried about her especially tonight with more Luftwaffe raids expected and Julia in labor in the Oxford Street maternity home. When news of the baby came by telephone Mimi set out on foot from the Stanley house on Newcastle Road. “I ran two miles. I couldn’t stop thinking, ‘It’s a boy, it’s a boy. He’s the one I’ve waited for.’” She held John in her arms twenty minutes after he was born. His second name, Julia said—in honor of Britain’s inspirational prime minister, Winston Churchill—would be Winston. Just then a parachute-borne land mine fell directly outside the hospital. “But my sister stayed in bed,” Mimi said, “and they put the baby under the bed. They wanted me to go into the basement, but I wouldn’t. I ran all the way back to Newcastle Road to tell Father the news. ‘Get under shelter,’ the wardens were shouting. ‘Oh, be quiet,’ I told them. Father was there, and I said, ‘It’s a boy and he’s beautiful, he’s the best one of all.’ Father looked up and said, ‘Oh heck, he would be.’”

Norman does mention it was "during a brief respite in Nazi Germany’s bombing of Liverpool." But the drama seems to be supplied by Mimi herself?

With her devil-may-care attitude, great sense of humour, vibrant personality and undisputed man-appeal, it isn’t difficult to imagine what a hit she was when she took a job as barmaid at the Brook House pub

See: above re Lewisohn and Julia.

Ok, I took a lot of notes in chapter 4 so that's another post.

#Kris reads tune in #mark lewisohn #Kris talks a lot

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whatdoesshedotothem · 3 years ago

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Wednesday 10 August 1836

11 ¾

no kiss A- crying and low talked to her she wants to go from home it would be madness in me just now very fine morning and F62° at 8 10 am out till breakfast at 9 - out with William Keighley topping a large oak against the new approach road thro’ the wood and cut down a fineish young dead ash not far from the oak - William K- observed he seldom knew a new road made thro’ a wood, but some trees died - it was like as if a new air was let in that killed them - WK- had beer, and then went to cut down the 3 good larches and the one dead Spruce fir at Lower place against the garden wall - Mr. S. Washington came about 10 to set up rent book for me - had Mr. Husband and Moorhouse the whitesmith and bell-hanger to hang bell for my aunt in the parlour and parlour bedroom - and had 2 men from Greenwood’s to paper the room - Mrs. Ann Lee here (as yesterday also) making curtains for the room and bedroom - Matty here (has been these ten days already) doing up beds - A- says we have so many workpeople in the house, she will stay at home today and not go to Cliff hill - Mr. Husband ordered about the bells hanging (for my aunt and my dressing room) and gave me Mr. Harper’s measurement and valuation of Booth’s masonry at the Lodge = £345.17.0 and Mr. Washington’s note to Mawson saying that the difference between his (Mr. Washington’s) and Mr. Harper’s measurement of the meer was so small that he (SW-) considered Mr. H-‘s measurement right - I mentioned this to SW asked on what side the difference was - he said about 20 yards+ but Mawson was quite satisfied - I said I was very glad of it - Mr. H- must settle as he thought fit but I would rather the difference in M-‘s favour was allowed - SW- mentioned that Simeon Shaw had applied for Hilltop - I said I had believed it was let - but now I was uncertain - the man wanted a new house and barn - to the amount of about £300 which + the expense on the fallow I should not agree to - Rent £50 and a vote - a few minutes with Wood and Jack Green puddling the low pool - and with Robert Mann and Samuel Booth and Matthew (had A- with me about ½ hour) and with Charles Howarth and James finishing guarding the single trees - out - about - till after 12 - then with A- and wrote the whole of the above - and wrote copy of note for A- to Mr. Parker in answer to note from Mrs. Wadsworth that bout [bought] the quarry - A- had note from Mr. Parker enclosing note to him from Mrs. Wadsworth asking if 5 years lease would be long enough of the road from the quarry Mrs. W-‘s wish being to oblige Miss Walker - out at 2 5 - (A- went to Cliff hill) - at the pool with Wood and Jack Green and about 3 Robert Mann + Samuel Booth and Matthew arrived with one of 2 great oak roots (felled at Mr. Gray’s suggestion last year and stubbed up from the old hedge row between the 2 Brook Ings) that Frank carted up and he afterwards brought the other - got them both planted in the high slope above the horse chesnut and at the Rocks, so as to raise the mound and keep out more light from the great Sam-stone in the bottom - came in at 6 55 - dinner at 7 - A- wrote the note to Mr. Parker (vid. 8 lines above this) begging her thanks to Mr. Wadsworth - while out this afternoon Waddington the shoemaker came to me - he will gladly pay A- a shilling a year for his back kitchen (at Hipperholme quarry) - told me the cottages houses and garden adjoining widow Schofield’s cottages were on sale - Miss Walker of Liverpool the owner and would be glad to sell them - I said A- did not want them but W- might ask the price - dinner at 7 - coffee - ½ asleep for some time - A- did her French - with my aunt ½ hour till 10 and read the newspaper - came upstairs at 10 25 - wrote the last 11 lines till 11 - very fine day F52° at 10 ½ pm - the great rag cover laid over the safes today in the cellar -

Mr. Townley of Kirkham near Preston Lancashire came this morning to sketch the house and grounds - asked leave - afterwards thanked me - so I asked him in (about 2pm) and he had bread and butter and beer - meant his sketch for a scene at the new theatre at Blackpool - meant to sketch in the Todmodern valley - came here by accident - much pleased

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randomabiling · 3 years ago

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Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories. (If you have less than 20, just list them all!) See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Tag some people to play the next round!

Tagged by @ohtobealady and @idoloveouradventures. Thank you both!!

I’ll start with oldest stories to newest, and then fill in with drabbles if need be:

1. “If the events of the last twelve months could be traced back to one catalyst, it would be the delivering of a letter to Lady Grantham.” (End Series)

2. “Violet exited the car and walked toward Downton's front door.” (The Other Lady Grantham)

3. “Thomas folded the letters and placed them in the envelope, sealing it carefully.” (Revelations)

4. “You sit in the corner of the room, watching entranced as O'Brien's hands do their dance over her hair, quickly unpinning the dark tendrils that just moments before made up an elaborate tapestry at the base of her neck.” (Reaching Ithaca)

5. “The sun has almost risen before she is aware of hands gently wrapping around her arms and guiding her to stand.” (On Grieving)

6. “It was while out on the estate, examining a dilapidated group of cottages, that Richard, the Earl of Grantham, told his son Robert that they would lose all of Downton.” (Slowly, Then All at Once)

7. “Carson taps the corner of the telegram with his index finger.” (Wreckage)

8. “The house was quieter than it had been in a long while, Cora noticed, as she left the stifling heat of her room.” (The Art of Perception)

9. “The neatly written words on the papers before him blurred as he took another drink.” (It’s a Wonderful Life, Robert Crawley)

10. “My Darling, I sit on the train to Liverpool, thinking of you, replaying our last moments together.” (Iron and Blood)

11. “Dearest Cora, I think now of the moment I first saw you.” (Echo of Memory)

12. “The chugging of the train, usually background noise that lulled Cora into a content sort of fugue, only churned up an anxious dread as they neared the York train station.” (La Terrible Annee)

13. “Robert entered the house in a burst, the swell of the bitter wind on his back pushing him forward with force.” (Tidings)

14. “Cora held her breath, each muscle clenched as she sat rigidly on her mattress, waiting.” (A Moment Missed)

15. “The last falling fingers of an autumn sun reached below the tree line, pulling a cloudless night behind it.” (In-progress, unpublished new story)

16. “Moonlight slipped through the gossamer curtains, blinking with each wave of the fabric as it rose and then fell with the soft breeze.”

17. “The shushing of her book’s page as Cora flipped to the next chapter scraped against Robert’s thoughts, causing him to cringe in his seat.”

18. “It had become a sort of habit to his week, pulling out the old albums and touring books, finding bits of ephemera from their past to delight the children.”

19. “Mary was already several steps toward the stonewall encasing her destination when she heard the car door close behind her.”

20. “The heat of the day was only moderately helped by the shade of the large tent erected over their heads.”

Favorite(s): maybe 4 and 17

Patterns: I start many stories with a character in the middle of an action.

#writing #Colbert #fun!

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elysiashelby · 4 years ago

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In Another World - T.Shelby Imagine Ch. 21

Paring: (Eventual) Thomas Shelby x Aliena Welsh (OC)

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Word Count: 13,178

WARNINGS: ANGST, Cursing, Fluff, Mentions of Sexual Activity (Semi-Explicit), Smoking, Brief scenes of Arguments/Fights, Mentions of Blood, “Vivid” Murder Scene

Summary: A direct continuation from the previous chapter, Aliena takes Michael to the spot Tommy reserved for her and they talk. Michael is introduced to the family. Ali and Tommy are somewhat strained again, but is that a good or bad thing?

MASTERLIST CHAPTER 20 CHAPTER 22

A/N: This chapter is crazy long! I was not expecting to have so much to write about in this chapter. It’s kind of filler, but it’s happier than most of my chapters. Anyway, from this chapter to the next, I’m going to be messing with the timeline a little. So, if you’re a real stickler for staying with timelines, this is going to irk you.

Oh! Sorry for this sorry excuse of a GIF. The clip I used for Aliena had a boy next to her and this was the best way to make sure your focus staying on the chapter, if you get what I mean?

I doubled over on my knees as I panted for air. Michael was faring far better than I was.

“Why. The. Hell. Were we running?” Michael asked.

I held a finger up as a hand flew to cover my mouth. I pivoted my body away from his direction, held my hair back as much I could, and let the contents that filled my stomach escape me.

Michael muttered. “Christ!” Then, he helped me hold my hair away from my face and rubbed my back.

I was finished soon enough. I spat out whatever remained in my mouth before laughing while I sniffled. I stood up straight and wiped my mouth. “Um, we were running because I thought it a good idea at the time. Anyway, come on. We’re not too far from it now.” I waved my hand over in that direction before walking ahead.

I kept leaning as I walked, and my body felt like jelly— but I’d rather be doing this, feeling this than be at the house.

Michael cleared his throat before asking, “Did you ever tell me your name?”

I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked at him, still walking. “Um, ya know what… Oh my god, I don’t think I told you my name. I’m Aliena Welsh, but everyone usually calls me Ali.” I extended my hand for him to take which he did.

“Henry. Uh, wait. Michael, um, Michael Gray.”

I giggled into my free hand. “I know. Remember?”

Michael chuckled sheepishly while he rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s right, you know me.” There was some silence between us before he asked another question. “You said you worked as the family maid, right?”

I nodded.

“Forgive me for assuming, but how come you look-?”

I interrupted him with a cackle. “How come I look as posh as you?”

Even in this dark night, I could see the blush on his face. “Ye-yeah.”

I sighed as I hiked my coat up to cover my shoulders. “I have rich friends. They buy me stuff from time to time, but I have my own money. Your cousin and mum pay me two pound.”

Michael scoffed. “That’s a lot of money.”

I nodded to myself. “I know. Well, I know that now. I grew up in America, but I was born in Liverpool. Basically, I only knew the US currency system when I arrived back. I figured two pound was an appropriate amount of money for being a maid to such a big family, but now I’m not too sure.” I chuckled at the end of my sentence. I looked up at Michael and smiled.

I gasped as the sight of my parents’ gravestones as they came into view. I grabbed Michael’s hand as I said. “Come on. We’re here!” I began running over to their gravestones.

“Wait! Where the hell are we?”

I didn’t answer him until we were standing in front of them. I walked behind the gravestones and leaned down on them. “These are my parents. Just their gravestones, so you don’t have to be creeped out abar it. Tommy, your cousin, bought me them for my birthday. Well, he bought me ma’s on my 17th birthday and me da’s on me 18th. But, yeah. This little area, even that swing, is mine.”

Michael bent down taking off his cap as he did so, and read them. He peered up at me. “Tommy, he’s the one with the car, isn’t he?”

I nodded. “Yeah.” Actually, the whole family had cars of their own. ‘Cept for Ada, she didn’t want one.

Michael dusted off his cap on his thigh before standing up. “Can you tell me more about them? My family.”

I nodded and then jerked my head over to my swing. We walked over to it and I took a seat facing him, while he leaned against the tree. “Let’s see.” I began. I kicked off my shoes and started to swing a little. “Let’s go in order. Your mum, Polly, is company treasurer. She’s also the heart of the family. She’s not afraid to hit you when you’ve done something stupid or to piss her off, but she’s also incredibly kind. She just looks intimidating.”

I took a deep breath and leaned my head back. “Arthur Shelby is your oldest cousin and the most physically dangerous. He fought in the war alongside his brothers and friends. He packs quite the punch, but he’s a sensitive man deep down. So, as long as you're good with him, he’ll be good with you. Might tease ya ‘cause he can, but doesn’t everybody do that?” I looked up at Michael and we both shared a chuckle.

I cleared my throat and the smile on my face disappeared. “Thomas Shelby is the boss of the family and company. What he says is almost always law. Nothing happens in Birmingham without your cousin knowing. The cops here have less power than him.” I grunted as I gained more momentum in my swinging. “His looks are as intimidating as your mother’s, but unlike her— he doesn’t have a soft side. So, do not go fishing for it or expect it. Um, I’m sure there’s more but I can’t think of anything.”

I cleared my throat again. “Ada Shelby is your only female cousin. Ada lives in London now, so you will rarely see her in Birmingham. She has a son named Karl and her husband passed recently. He died in January. Ada is a communist, but we love her anyway. Yeah, she’s sort of strained in the family right now ‘cause she doesn’t approve of the business.”

I stopped swinging and let myself relax. “John is the third eldest of the men of the family. He has five children. He is one of the smarter ones of the family. He takes care of the books and he has a wife named Esme. She is the mother of his youngest child. She did not give birth to John's first four children. John can pack a punch as well. Um, don’t tell him a fucking thing! His lips are as loose as a… Um, a goose? Is that the saying?”

I shrugged my shoulder then sat up straight. “Finn is the last of the Shelby clan. He’s only little, 13. I think. He does little things for the family, but all you need to know is that he’s the youngest.”

Michael nodded and kicked himself off the tree. He took a few steps and then motioned me to join him. I hopped off the swing and jogged to stand next to him. “Tell me about yourself then. How did you get to know them?” He said.

I giggled then yawned. “Alright then. My da’ died in the war. That was the beginning of my problems. My sister and I weren’t really on good terms, so she didn’t help me and my mum. So, we struggled a lot. Eventually, my mum told me we were heading to England, but she wouldn’t tell me what for. She took sickness on the journey and died. I walked aimlessly around England. I didn’t remember a thing from when I was eight. I ended up in Small Heath. I fell asleep behind some barrels using my suitcases as pillows when Jeremiah, the city’s preacher found me. He introduced me to your cousins and they took me in. That was… Three years ago.” I nodded when I was done talking.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Michael said.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m okay. I’m sorry for what you had to go through. If you don’t mind me asking, were you ever going to search for Polly? Like, do you even remember what happened? How she looks like?”

Michael cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck. “Um, it’s alright. I’m not sure. I’m still 17, so I couldn’t really leave the house yet. I was debating trying to find… Polly, but yeah. I did think about it. I remember a little of what happened. That day, but I can’t remember anything before that. I, uh, I don’t really remember how Polly looked like.”

I nodded and hummed. “She’s beautiful, really!”

Michael chuckled. “Really?”

I nodded, enthusiastically. We laughed again. The two of us then circled back to the swing and while I sat on that plank of wood— Michael sat down on the grass in front of me.

“Are you not cold?” He asked.

I shook my head. “No, not really. And I have a lot of alcohol to thank for that. Why are you?”

He shook his head. “No, but you’re wearing less than me. That’s why I was asking.”

“Oh.” I drew out while nodding my head. I yawned and sniffled again.

We talked more. We talked so much that I was eventually yawning between every word I was speaking. I grew tired of sitting on the swing and I laid down next to where he sat. I guess Michael didn’t like looking down on me like that as he soon laid beside me.

I yawned. “When we head back to the ‘ouse, you need to stay outside. Polly will eventually come home ‘n you’ll be escorted inside. When we meet inside again, you need to greet me as if we’ve never seen each other. Got it?”

“Loud and clear.”

“Good.”

I managed a couple of more sentences before my eyes did not want to lift anymore. I whispered. “Wake me up at dawn, will you?”

Michael whispered back. “Can’t make any promises.”

We woke up when the sun was up. That’s all that matters at this point. As we were walking back, I groaned under my breath. “My feet hurt!”

Michael laughed at me. I blew raspberries at him. Michael looked over at me before he asked. “Do you think my mum is already there?”

I shrugged my shoulders. I hummed ‘I don’t know.’ We trudged all the way over to the house. As we stood outside the door, I pointed at him and said. “Stay.”

Michael glared at me before smiling and shaking his head.

I snickered before opening the door to the house. “By the way, you might want to try and get off any grass you may have on your back. See ya later.” I closed the door in his face and headed up to my room.

I stood in front of Tommy’s door and just tried to listen to see if anyone was in there. When I couldn’t hear anything, I went into my room and began getting ready for the day.

I was asleep for about three to four hours, and I woke up with a nasty hangover. As I stared at the bed beside me, my body was begging me to lie down. But, I couldn’t. I had to work today. There was no Advil or Ibuprofen until 1961. The only thing we had was morphine or opium. I was never going to take the latter, so I was raw dogging the hangover as always.

I covered my face with my hands and sighed deeply. I threw my head back and groaned softly. I wiped my make-up off and reapplied some foundation and concealer. Foundation for the bruise on my chin and concealer for the dark circles under my eyes.

I looked at myself in the mirror and felt nothing.

Last night did not go how I wanted it too. Again, I don’t know what I wanted to happen, but I didn’t think Tommy and I were going to be strained again. Fuck, I can’t believe I caught him in his little escapades again.

If I had to compare the two, this one hurt more. Not only because it was raw, but because I wanted him last night. I wanted something like that for us. But it’s just my useless pinning. God, was I obsessing over him? I hate myself.

I squeezed my eyes shut and cringed. I huffed, angrily, before I yanked off my bra and put a comfier one on. I put on a long skirt and a jumper. I put my hair up messily, not really caring how I looked, before heading downstairs.

Walking straight into the kitchen, I found it empty. I pursed my lips at the sight ‘n shrugged my shoulders. I began my job by getting a kettle of tea on for Polly then I made some eggs and sausage.

The door opened and I knew who it was. I could hear the excited chirping of Polly before she crossed the threshold of the kitchen.

“Oh my-, Aliena! Come ‘ere!”

I turned around. Polly and Michael were standing there side-by-side. Polly’s hands hovered over her son’s shoulders, an ecstatic smile on her face. It would seem that the smile was contagious since all three of us were smiling now.

Polly continued. “Ailena, it’s Michael! My son. Michael, this is Ailena. She’s our maid but we don’t treat her as one. She’s been with us for three years and she’s around your age.”

I walked forward and we shook hands while simultaneously greeting each other. I said. “I’m making eggs and sausage. Would either of you like some?”

Polly looked at Michael expectantly while the latter glanced at her as well.

He nodded. “Yes, please. I’m starving.”

I nodded and turned back around, but I was stopped by Polly. “Wait, Ali, love. Go on, sit down. I got it.”

“Are you sure?” I leaned closer to her and whispered. “I can take care of this for you and you can talk to ‘em.”

She shook her head. “I want you to sit down with him.”

I nodded and flashed her a smile. I faced Michael, pulled out a chair for him before taking my own. I let them talk and sat there quietly. Not like I wanted to chime in on the conversation anyhow. My head was pounding and I just wanted to go to sleep.

I wanted silence and serenity more than anything. I pinched the space between my eyes and took a deep breath.

‘Good thoughts only, Aliena. Good thoughts only!’ I tried soothing myself. It works sometimes.

The plates clattered as they were set down on the table. I opened my eyes and smiled up at Polly. I dug into the scran I made as slowly as I could manage. However, the rubble in my stomach was not going to let me get away with such a slow pace.

“Aliena, have you had any schooling?” Michael asked.

I picked my head up and covered my mouth as I replied. “I finished secondary school, but obviously— I never went to a uni.”

He nodded and asked. “What’s your plans, if you don’t mind me asking?”

I shook my head, my gaze fluttering toward Polly for a second. “I don’t. Um, I’m not sure. I wanted to become an author, but I’m not sure if that’s still on the table for me. Right now, I’m content with where I am. You?”

Michael stammered for words. “I’ve taken courses. Excelled in mathematics, but I’m not sure. I’m thinking of getting an accounting job as soon as I can. Maybe even something else in that field. But, yeah.”

I nodded. “Cool.”

Polly came over with the kettle, poured both of us a cup, and asked Michael. “How was it?”

While looking up at her, he replied. “I was starving, so I would have eaten anything. But really it was super.”

Polly and I shared a small chuckled, but she repeated his word. “Super.”

Never hear that ‘round here.

Michael asked Polly. “So, uh, are you a cook?”

“Not a cook. No.” She set down the kettle and got a cup for herself, scrunching her hair as she did so. I knew she was trying to look her best given the circumstances.

As she took a seat, Michael began talking, “The man who came to the house, he was driving a posh car. He looks rich. What does he do?”

Polly finished pouring her cup as she answered. “He works with horses.”

‘What a blag! Polly, ma’am!’ I thought as I took a sip of tea. My eyes widened and fluttered comically.

“Really? I love horses. I got a bay mare.”

“No.”

“I ride it all the time.”

Polly waved out her hand as she said. “Then, it’s in the blood.”

I was busy eating my breakfast. I wasn’t going to interrupt their bonding moment any time soon. Even though Michael's eyes kept flickering toward me.

Their eyes locked, and Michael had a smile on his face “I’ve got about a million questions.” He said.

“So do I.”

“I’ve had different pictures in my head.”

“Well, here I am.” Polly went for a ciggie while Michael stirred his tea a bit more. Polly moved some of her hair away from her face before asking,“It's all right that it's me, isn't it?”

‘Should I? Shouldn't I? Fuck it, I want one.’ I reached over for Polly’s case, and I gave her a look asking for her permission. She nodded at me while she was exhaling. I got one and lit it up.

“I don’t have any choice.” Michael replied. Polly stubbed out her ciggie as Michael continued. “I mean, you are who you are, aren't you? We don't choose. And that's it.”

I took a long pull and exhaled it slowly.

“Yeah, that’s right. God gave you to me. People took you away.” Polly reached for his hand and grasped onto it. She took a deep breath before placing her other hand onto their grasp. “And it is all right that it's me, isn't it? In a place like this.”

Michael looked around as if he were thinking about it. “I thought it would be worse.”

Polly and I let out a little laugh while Michael just smiled. However, the moment was ruined when Arthur’s booming voice could be heard from outside.

Arthur shouted while bursting through the door with John. “Run for the hills! It's the Digbeth Kid!”

I covered my mouth as a way to stifle my giggles.

“Get out of town, kid, or I will shoot your fucking head off!”

“Time’s Up! Pew!”

I was cackling, bad. I doubled over and tried hiding myself with the table. Polly and Michael’s chairs scraped the floor a little as they stood up.

“You’re dead. Go down. John!”

I wish I could say there was nothing but silence; however, my cackling was filling the room. I held my breath and sat up straight. I moved around in my chair, trying to get comfortable and act right. I looked at John and Arthur and snickered. I muttered under my breath, “I’m fucking dead.” I shook my head as I stifled my laughter while looking down. My body jostled up and down.

As John was putting his gun away, he reached over and tried swatting me. I yelped and tried hitting him back. I cleared my throat as I sat back down. I looked down at my cigarette to see it’s almost finished.

They finally snickered as Arthur said. “All right then, Polly. Who's this?”

The boys looked at me with a mischievous smile and found one on my own. I reached for Polly’s case and got myself another.

Tom said. “Gentlemen, this is your cousin. Polly's son, Michael.”

The looks on Arthur’s and John’s faces were wiped off and a serious look replaced it. I won’t lie. When Tom spoke, I looked at him. A pain shot through my heart, it confused me. So, I numbed it with a quick drag.

Michael walked over to Arthur and shook his hand then John’s. “Pleased to meet you.”

“John.”

“I'm Arthur. You've already met me. I used to throw you out of the window, so John could catch you.”

“Yeah. I used to put you in a shoebox and kick you down Watery Lane.”

Everyone was smiling except for the two troublemakers over here admitting their evil deeds.

Tommy chimed. “I bet you’re glad to be back.”

Michael laughed before saying, “I don't remember any of it. All I remember is the day they took me away.”

I looked over at Polly who looked like she was about to cry from the statement. She walked over to Michael and cupped his face. I averted my eyes.

I knew I was not the only one who looked away as she hugged him. Arthur and John did the same.

When I decided to look back, Tommy began to speak. “Well, you’re here now, son.” Tommy put a hand on Michael’s back. “Welcome to the Shelby family.”

Arthur chimed in. “Later on, we'll show you the ropes.”

While, John added. “Mhmm. Yeah, we'll show you what's what.”

I knew Polly sent Tommy a wary gaze. She didn’t want Michael anywhere near the family business. Poor her.

“Let's leave him be for now, eh? Come on, boys.” As Tom passed by me, he stole my ciggie from my hand. “Ailena.”

“Thomas.” I replied in the same tone as him while arching a brow.

“Nice suit.” Arthur said to Michael.

Polly chuckled before looking back at Michael, fixing his bowtie. Michael looks like he’s been starstruck.

“They seem nice.”

I snickered, looking away immediately after the fact. I looked back at the pair just as Polly began to speak.

“After having a bit more of a talk, how about going with Aliena for a tour of the city? I have a bit of business I need to tidy up and then I’ll be done for the day. What do you both think?”

Michael and I shared a look. I gave a quick smile, nodding. “I’m fine with it.”

“Then, I’m fine with it too.”

“Wonderful,” Polly cheered. “Come now, the both of you.” She took Michael’s arm before walking over to me, and pulled me up to the living room by my arm.

For a while, it was an A and B conversation where C would pop up from time to time. I had to pretend to be engaged, otherwise, Polly would see my head tipping back and she would drag me into the conversation.

Eventually, Polly let out a huge sigh and stood up, which made Michael and I follow suit. “Well then. I should head to the office to finish up my business. Ali, show Michael around the city, will you?”

I nodded. “‘Course, Pol. C’mon, Michael.” I walked ahead of him and out the door. Once he closed the door behind him, I dropped my facade and groaned loudly.

Michael chuckled. “How do you think I did?”

“Someone call a film director and give this man a job.” I giggled. “You did good. I can honestly say I couldn’t lie to your mum for months, but you did it so flawlessly.”

Michael dropped his jaw while scoffing. “Was that supposed to be a compliment?”

I shrugged my shoulders as I began to walk backwards. “Take it as you want it. C’mon, I’ll show you a couple of spots I love.”

We talked as I showed him Mrs. Davies’ Bakery as well as a few other food joints. I wasn’t going to tell a blag, I’m not an experienced tour guide. So, I’m winging it.

We stopped in front of Arthur’s flat when I sighed. “Alright, I had about enough of this. Did you say you had some lodgings elsewhere?”

Michael struggled to find his words. “Uh… Ye-yeah! I did, why?”

I rushed forward and took his hands into mine. “That’s great! Let’s go.”

“What? You haven’t even finished showing me the city yet.”

“The city will still be there after a nap. I know you’re as desperate as me for some sleep. Now, c’mon before I get anymore grumpy. And you won’t like me when I’m grumpy.” I began walking forward, pulling him behind me.

Michael scoffed. He repositioned our hands, increased his pace, and began pulling me instead. “You don’t even know where I’m staying.” He grumbled.

I chuckled. “That’s true.”

We walked to where he was staying. Got a look from the lady at the desk, I knew she knew me. Michael unlocked his door and noticeably swallowed. He clutched the cap in his hands tightly while smoothing his hair down. “Um, so this is it.”

I rolled my eyes, pushed him out of the way, and flopped down on his bed. I let out an exaggerated sigh of relief. “Finally, a damn bed!” I closed my eyes while I situated myself on the bed. “C’mon, Michael. Join me.” I patted on the space beside me.

“I can’t possibly-!”

I opened my eyes and glared at him. “Why not?”

“It’s… We hardly know each other.” His face was beet red.

I rolled my eyes again. “Relax. I’m practically your sister, you know. Your mum says she sees me as her daughter.”

“Yeah, but you’re not.”

I hmphed. “Fine then. Sleep on the floor. Wait for mo’! We slept near each other out in the field. How is this any different?”

“This is a bedroom. My bedroom. I’m still a man, you know.”

I let out a cackle. “Don’t flatter yourself, Michael. I can defend myself, so stop arguing and lay down beside me. If you don’t want to, I’m not gonna force ya. But, just know you can.”

I rolled over and faced the wall. I scrambled under the blankets and closed my eyes. I tried going to sleep, but I couldn’t with Mr. Modest standing over there, fidgeting. I didn’t feel at ease until he took the space beside me. The bed dipped and then I felt his presence next to me.

I smiled and finally went to sleep. I woke up sometime in the middle of my nap. Let me rephrase that, Michael woke me up in the middle of my nap. Without opening my eyes, I croaked. “What do you want?”

“I need to use a telephone. They don’t have a working one here.”

“Nearest one is at the Garrison. Go bug Arthur or Tom. Piss off.”

Through squinted eyes, I could see Michael slip out the door. I rolled back over and fell back asleep.

I grunted as I was slammed against the wall. I met his fervent kisses with the same passion. They were so sloppy to the point where he was about to ruin this for me. I tugged him away by his hair and presented him my neck.

He didn’t waste any time kissing, sucking, and nipping. I let out a sigh that was cut off by my smile. I couldn’t deny the pleasure he was giving me. The target tugged my face in his direction, capturing my lips again before I felt his hands under my knees.

I jumped in his arms. He whisked us into his office and closed the door behind us. We threw ourselves in a kiss once we heard the door slam shut. He reached up and pulled out the pin holding my hair in a bun. Well, it was my wig, but same thing, for now.

I parted from him and shook out my hair. He tugged me back down before slamming me against another wall. I grunted, but I can’t deny the pleasure I felt from the pain he caused me. I scratched his face and neck which spurred a groan from him.

I squealed as he ripped open my shirt. ‘Fuck, I’m getting carried away.’ I thought, a lapse of sanity taking over, thank god! But it faded as he began to suck on the top of my breasts. I hugged his head closer to my body which made him chuckle. He whisked me around again and I giggled.

He held me tight to him as he bent us over, and used his arm to wipe away everything on his coffee table. He laid me down on it which made my head fall back. He didn’t waste any time paying attention to my breasts again.

I craned my head up and looked at him. ‘Fuck, fuck fuck! This feels so good.’ I let out a sigh, a sigh I desperately tried to keep in. I bit my bottom lip and let my head fall back again.

The target trailed his kisses down from my stomach to my ear. He whispered. “I’m going to make it so you’d never want another man again.” He chuckled into my ear and the spell was broken. He fucking broke it by opening up his mouth.

I smashed our lips together before I reached into his coat, grabbed the gun, and pulled the trigger multiple times into his side.

He fell to the side, gasping for air. Deadpan, I took my time getting to my feet. I bent down and watched as he struggled to breathe. I was panting a little, my heart still racing from the adrenaline.

I smiled when he took his final breath, what a malicious smile it was. I stood up and walked over to the mirror he had on his wall. I fixed up my lipstick and tried to fix any other blemish.

“Fuck!” There was fucking blood on me. I walked over to the fireplace, wiped the blood off my stomach, and then tossed the shirt in it. The shirt didn’t burn instantly, but it was a nice sight. I turned around, picked up my hairpin and walked out the door. I got my suit jacket from off the floor and buttoned it all the way up.

I didn’t stop for anyone as I walked directly into the car that was waiting for me outside.

“Successful, Ms. Welsh?” Chris, my now permanent driver, asked.

I looked at him through the rear view mirror, sporting a smile. “Of course.”

He smiled back at me before taking off from the company headquarters we were at.

Who calls for a whore so early in the morning? And to meet up at their job, no less! Jesus christ! It’s too bad, he was quite the looker.

Finger traced over my swollen lips.

I won’t deny that I wasn’t thinking straight. I’m so sexually frustrated. I touch myself when I can, but I’m 19-years-old! I’m an even older virgin!

I rested my cheek on my closed fist.

God, I can’t believe my infatuation with Tommy is so bad that I imagined him while I was doing that. The only reason I could prevent myself from going any further was ‘cause that idiot broke my fantasy. He opened his mouth and I realized he wasn’t Tommy.

I rubbed my forehead and huffed. ‘Now, I’m even more frustrated.’ I reached down on the car floor and pulled the suitcase to my side. “Keep your eyes on the road, Chris.” I ordered before I began unbuttoning my suit jacket.

“As always, Ms. Welsh.”

I smiled before shrugging off my jacket. I tugged my regular work dress over my head and smoothed out any wrinkles. I reached down and tugged my heels off to replace them with some shorter heels. Then, I took off my wig. I placed all my items into the case, and threw it back down.

“You know what to do with it right.”

“Of course, Miss. I’ll incinerate it right after I drop you off.”

“What happens if you try to betray us and try to turn this in as evidence?”

“That won’t happen, Ms. Welsh. I promise you.”

“Answer the question, Chris. It’s procedure.”

He cleared his throat. “Mr. Johnson will kill me and my entire family.”

“Right.” I hated doing this part. Chris really was a diligent worker, but I get why I have to do it. Some dogs like to bite the hand that feeds them.

We arrived a few blocks from the main house. I climbed out of the car and walked over to the driver’s side. I smiled at Chris, thanking him for the ride. He tipped his hat before taking off. I jogged over to the shop side of the house, entering it. Men shouting over each other made me sigh.

I’m just glad I didn’t have to deal with it today.

I walked into the kitchen and passed by the living room where Polly and Michael were sitting. I plastered an innocent smile on my face as I began to spew bullshit out of my mouth. “Sorry, I’m late. It took a little longer than I thought.”

Polly shook her head. “It’s all right, love. How did he take it?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Turns out he was cheating on me, just like I suspected.”

Polly tsked before rushing from her seat to hug me. She whispered in my ear, “I’m so sorry, love. Maybe next time.”

I hummed and nodded. We parted and gave each other a grin. Polly looked over at Michael and said. “Come now. I want to show you my house.”

Michael got up from his spot on the couch and walked over to us. I went ahead of them both, opened the door, and then waited for them to exit the house. Then, the three of us walked over to the garage.

“Do you think I could give it a go?” Michael asked as we stood in front of Polly’s car.

I looked over at her to which she met my gaze. She opened her mouth letting out a drawn out, “Uh...”

Michael began pleading his case. “I have experience, promise.”

Polly’s mouth smacked before she spoke. “Oh, all right then. Here you are. Promise to be careful.”

“Of course.”

We all walked to our respective seats, but as Michael passed me— I obnoxiously signed the cross.

“Oh, shut it!” He muttered as he bumped my shoulder.

“Knock it off, you two.”

I cackled all the way till I sat in the back. The ride was hectic to say the bloody least. The boy was gassing it and breaking hard. I’m just thankful we made it to Sutton without an accident or whiplash.

He pulled up to the house with a screeching halt. Polly’s hand was clutching the outside of the car door for dear life as was mine.

“That was great, well done.”

I scoffed. “Don’t lie to him, Pol. We were holding on for dear life.”

She sighed. “Out we get then.”

I laughed as I climbed out. Polly swatted me gently on the stomach with the back of her hand.

She whispered. “Don’t tease him so much.”

With a shit-eating smile on my face, I rolled my eyes. “Fine. I was only joking anyway.”

Polly flashed me a smile of her own before taking my arm and walking toward the house. Once we were on the pavement, she let go of my arm to lean into Michael and talk to him using her ciggie.

She used her ciggie to point toward the house in front of us. “This house is mine. I’ve taken on a different maid. Aliena isn’t a maid here. She’s my guest, so make sure to, you know, treat her as you’ve been. Anyhow, I told her to make up the big room for you.”

Michael crossed his arms as Polly flicked her ciggie away on the street. “Come on, let’s have a look.” She said while walking ahead of us.

I bumped purposely into Michael and jogged to meet up with Pol. I looked behind me and he was chasing after me. I screamed a little and ran faster.

“Oh, enough the both of you! Acting like children!” Polly tried sounding scoldin’ but she was laughing through her words.

Michael and I ran around the front yard a little before I let him catch me in his arms. He carried to the front door before setting me down.

“Go on.” I said while tucking away pieces of hair that had blocked my view. “Unlike you, I’ve already seen the place.”

Michael nodded. “Okay, then.”

I was the last one to walk in, so I closed the door behind me. I could see Michael’s figure disappearing in the living room, so I followed suit.

I could hear Polly say, “I thought we could spend the week here.” Polly walked to the other side of the coffee table while Michael and I took a seat on the couch. “You know, get to know each other again.”

It got quiet between the three of us, which Polly disrupted. “I've got ham. Do you like ham?”

While nodding, Michael said. “I like ham, yes.”

“I do too.” I chimed in, trying to hide a smile. I felt bad like I was interrupting a moment, but it would be weirder for me not to talk from time to time.

Polly took a side step, placing her gloves into the bowl on the coffee table. “I’ve got a maid.” Her tone was nervous. Instantly, made me feel for her.

“Yes, you said.”

I tsked and smacked Michael’s arm. He gave me a look and I gave him one back.

“She’s upstairs. She can give us some tea. Look, I ring this bell. Watch.” Polly took the bell that was resting on the coffee table and rang it.

Under my breath, I grumbled. “I’m bloody well glad I never had a bell to be beckoned with.” Though, I did notice that Polly looked really happy.

Footsteps echoed behind us and I craned my head to face her. She looked like a young adult. Older than me, at least. Good.

“Yes, madam.” She said.

We all just sort of waited for one of us to say something, or perhaps I was missing a cue.

Michael looked to the side a little as he said. “I think we'd like some tea.”

I watched as the maid walked out of our sight. I raised an eyebrow at the sight. I was never like that.

“You get used to it.” Michael added.

I looked back at him, well more like I looked down at him since I was sitting on the couch on my knees. I muttered. “Cheeky bastard.” And I smacked his arm. This caused another fight to break out.

“Will the both of you fucking stop it all ready!”

I don’t know why Michael and I acted so well together. It was like I gained an annoying little brother. Honestly! Talking to him is fun, though, I do get bored from time to time. His list of subjects to talk about is as limited as mine. Makes it quite difficult.

Oh and play fighting! That’s all me. I take responsibility. I provoked him the first time we ever play fought and it became a trend. It’s improper for the time, I understand, but nevertheless. I’m not from these times, and he’s one of the only males around my age. I’m used to roughhousing with John and Arthur. I think it happened only once with Tommy. I think.

I was walking back to the main house after dropping off Tommy’s laundry at his flat. I had to make dinner for Finn. Polly and Michael were back at the house in Sutton. Arthur elected himself my appointed driver to take me to and from the house. As Polly stated before, she doesn't want me sleeping at the main house by myself. Finn gets to stay with John or Arthur. I mean, Tommy is a choice too— but, is he really?

I was chuckling to myself when I bumped into someone. I gasped and instantly began apologizing. “I’m so sorry! I was lost in thought and I should’ve been-!”

“Ali! Ali, it’s all right. It’s just me.”

I finally looked the man in the eye and sighed in relief when it was just Tom.

Ah-! Just Tom. Tom, who I have not spoken to privately since The Garrison’s reopening. The Tom, who I heard having a threesome. Tom. Yeah, okay.

“Ugh, in that case, watch where you’re going.” I shook my head, giggling into my hand. Tom let out a little snicker.

“Right, well. I wanted to see if you’d notice that I was walking toward you. You didn’t.”

I spluttered into my hand, embarrassed. “Alright, alright. Did you need something, Tommy?” ‘Yes, yes… Keep this nice and calm, Aliena. You know nothing and yet everything. God, let me just ascend, right now!’ I took a calming breath, which was actually very loud.

Tom averted his gaze, his eyes wide, and his jaw dropped before pursing his lips. “Polly told me yesterday that you went to break up with one of your gentlemen fellows.”

I furrowed my eyebrows and waved my hands in a “stop” gesture. “Wait, wait, wait! Did you refer-? Did you just say “gentlemen fellows?” ” I blinked dramatically as I leaned forward. I snickered while turning my head away.

“All right, calm down, Aliena.”

I turned my head back and nodded. I held my breath and then let out a sharp exhale. I met his gaze and bit my cheek to prevent my anxious laughter.

‘I don’t remember the name I gave this boyfriend. Please don’t make me say a name!’

Tommy stared at my face, almost inquisitively. I could see his hand inch closer to my face through the corner of my eye.

Tommy took a step closer to me, cleared his throat, and asked. “Can I check Ali?”

I exhaled quickly through my nose before nodding.

With his thumb and index finger, he held onto my chin and checked my face for any new bruises. He rubbed away what little foundation I had covering my almost healed bruise and then stared at it for awhile.

His touch was comforting even if it was just as little as this. His plump lips were so close to mine yet far away given our height difference. He still had a nick on his cheek, not fully healed. It may never and leave a scar behind. I can’t remember fully if it really did leave a scar. God, this man. He makes me want to spew poetry. I swear to all that’s Holy!

As he dropped his hand from my face, he said. “Well, then. It would seem someone’s eyes were spared today.”

“Ha!” I threw my head back. “What’re you talkin’ about? Are you trying to tell me that you would have hunted this guy down and blinded him all for my sake?” I smiled and shook my head.

Quickly, Tommy held my face and brought my gaze up. “Ali, when have I never not fought for your… honor.”

I blinked as I thought about it for a moment. I held onto Tommy's wrists and chuckled with a smile. “Oh, that’s right!” I let out another set of breathy chuckles.

“We care for you, Ali. I care about you.” Tommy flashed me a grin. Keyword, flashed.

I let go of his wrists and he let go of my face. I nodded, feeling heat overwhelm my face and neck.

Tommy smacked his mouth before saying, “There’s another thing I wanted to ask you about,.”

I hummed.

“The night of the party, you never came home. Where were you?”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “How would you know if I was or wasn’t home?”

Tommy was deadpan, no room for laughter. I so badly wanted to say something, but I held my tongue. “I slept in my room that night.” He admitted.

I hummed again this time with more judgement.

‘Crap, crap, crap! Who do I say I was with? I could say I was with John, but then again he’s a bit fucking slow! He or Esme will probably ruin it themselves. And if Finn crashed with him that night, the little bugger will rat me out! Same thing if I say Arthur. He’ll question it before agreeing to it! Or just flat out say no! I can’t even say Polly! Everyone knows she was fucking with that young guy!’

I huffed, hung my head, before looking back up at ‘em. “Right, well. I didn’t spend the night at anyone’s house. I walked all the way to my little space and spent the night swinging.”

“By yourself?”

I nodded. “By myself.”

Tom sighed. “Ali, you know it’s dangerous to be out alone at night. Especially some ways out of the city.”

I tsked, “I know, I know! Things are sensitive right now with the gang entering the London war. Yada, yada, yada! I was drunk, won’t do it again. Promise.” I looked up at him and smiled toothily. I fluttered my eyelashes and asked, cutesy. “Forgive me?”

Tom snickered while shaking his head, his hands in his pockets. “Whatever as long as you know not to do it again.”

I sighed while rocking on the heels of my feet. “Well, anyway. Where you headin’, Tommy?”

Tommy replied. “Charlie’s Yard. Some shipments came in and others need to be exported. Want to pay me Uncle a visit and see them load them. What about you?”

“Oh! I have to head back to the house and make dinner for Finn. Whenever the lad straggles back in. He’s honestly like a stray cat, that one. After that, I’m headed over to Cassie’s. Polly gave me an early weekend.”

Tommy took out a ciggie and held it between his lips as he said. “Ah, Polly! Feeling quite generous right now, isn’t she.”

I replied back with the same tone while cocking my head. “Isn’t she?”

We shared a chuckle.

“Well, then, Tommy. Good luck with your Uncle.”

“Aye. Good luck with dinner.”

We walked our separate ways. That awkwardness that I had when I first began speaking to him vanished into thin air.

I sighed contentedly as I threw myself back onto Cassie’s bed. “Ah, I missed this place.” I crawled over to Cassie, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. “I missed you the most, though.” I rubbed my cheek against her shoulder and huffed.

Cassie giggled at my antics, a hand reaching behind herself to pet my head. “How have you been?” She asked.

I sighed, resting my cheek on her shoulder. “Hmm. My life has certainly been eventful these past few days or rather weeks.” I took a deep breath before sliding off her shoulder and laid down next to her.

“Polly, my female boss, admitted to me that she thought of me like a daughter. I didn’t know how to feel about it really. I liked it at the time, but now I don’t really care. I just feel like her feelings are really flexible, you know? I don’t know.” I shrugged my shoulders as I let the piece of hair I was holding fall back down.

“Then, I got into this little argument with Tommy. Hold on, hold on! It wasn’t a serious argument, but there was one, nonetheless. He apologized at this party he threw for the pub’s reopening.” I sprang up from where I laid to my knees. I took her hands and put them onto my lap. “Oh my god! I forgot to tell you. I got all dolled up for the party right. I don’t know what I was expecting to happen, but I wanted Tommy to look at me.”

I inched a bit closer to Cassie, who fixed herself to look at me more clearly. “Well, after he apologized he called me beautiful. So, I had my intended effect for a while. However, I couldn’t get him alone after that since like I was talking to other people. Then, he had a cob on from still being in a fight with Polly, and he sort of took it out on me. He apologized right away and agreed to dance with me. Right! Forgot to tell you, I asked him to dance but he said no and that I should sit down ‘cause I was drunk. I was a little drunk, but the way he said it— I didn’t appreciate it.”

I squinted my eyes and gestured “a little” with my hands. “Anyway, when we were dancing— I noticed his attention was not fully on me, so I wanted a break. I freshened up, right, and when I came back, he was gone. When I went home, he was at the house instead of his fucking flat— fucking two girls in his room!” I nodded my head as Cassie gasped, covering her mouth.

“Aliena, no way!” She exclaimed while smacking my thigh.

I nodded, tears slightly stinging my eyes. “I dressed up for him, kind of made a move. And he still didn’t choose me.” I gnawed on my lip while shrugging. My gaze was on the floor.

Cassie sighed and grabbed my shoulders, squeezing them comfortingly.

I sighed, dabbing away at my eyes. “It’s like I’m scared, Cass. I’ve been smitten with Tommy for so long, right? Practically obsessed with the man at this point.” I scoffed while rolling my eyes. “I can’t even explain why I’m so taken with him. It’s just like my soul and my heart reach out for him.” I shook my head as my tongue prodded the inside of my cheek.

“I just feel that once I confess to Tom, right, and get rejected… I’m going to throw myself into the world. But in a bad, unhealthy way. It’s hard because we are both not getting any younger and I’m tired of pinning over him, yet I don’t want to confess either.” I hugged Cassie and hid my face in the crook of her neck. “Oh, Cassie. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Cassie hummed, stroking my hair away from my chest and toward my back. She rocked us from side-to-side ‘n we stayed like that.

“Aliena, how did you get that bruise on your chin?” Cassie asked me.

My eyes flew open and they widened in shock. I focused on not tensing my body or changing the pitch of my voice. “The bruise on my chin. Oh, I got it from Arthur. He hit me by accident. He was ‘aving an episode.”

Cassie pulled away from me, violently. Her grip on my shoulders hurt. “Aliena, stop lying to me.”

I scoffed with a smile. I shook my head. “I’m not lying to you-...”

Cassie rose to her feet and shouted. “Stop fucking lying to me! I saw you, okay! I saw you with my dad! Are you-! What are you doing with my dad, Aliena?”

I held Cassie’s gaze for a while before I looked down. I tried racking my brain for a lie, but one wasn’t coming up fast enough. How did I know one didn’t conjure up fast enough? Well, it’s because I was struck across the face.

Cassie slapped me across the face as she sobbed. “Don’t try lying to me, Ali, please. I know you’re trying to think of some kind of story to tell me.” She hissed, “I. Know. You.”

I sighed and looked away. “Cassie, I-!” I swallowed harshly before continuing. “It’s not like I-! Fine, I didn’t want you to know because I don’t want to fucking parade this kind of information around. And it’s not like I could bring it up in easy conversation, okay? I realize I should have told you to avoid a misunderstanding, but again— it’s not fucking dinner or tea time talk.”

I took a breath before I told her everything. “On the morning after I killed the man who raped you, I took a job from your father. It was a contract killing. He paid me £1,500 to kill some lawyer, and I killed him. That’s what I’ve been doing, okay? I’m a contract killer, an assassin, a murderer. Cassie!” I rose to my feet and gripped her forearms. I jerked her around as I yelled. “Huh! Well, say something, Cassie! Say something!”

Inside I was nervous out of my mind, but outside I was cold. How was I supposed to feel? Would I lose my best friend? I know we share similar views, but we’re not the same person. We’re both warped, but we only talked about these violent events in theory alone. Now, I was actually committing the things we’ve talked about.

Cassie sniffled before saying, “HOW-! How-?”

“How what, Cassie? Spit it out!”

“How can you do something like that! How can-? Why are you doing this, Aliena? Is it because of me?” Cassie was a mess. She was practically wailing at this point.

I shook my head. My emotions were getting the better of me as I felt my throat constrict and my eyes sting yet again. “Cassie… No. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. I’ve always had it in me. That night, it wasn't the first time I had killed someone. I already knew I was capable of it, and-!” I took a shuddering breath as I averted my gaze to the ceiling. “When your dad gave me the chance to make that kind of money he was offering, I had to take it.”

I dropped my gaze back at Cassie and cradled her face. “I’m not with you for your money, Cassie. It’s a job. A job I can do well. Please understand, I would never hurt you. Please. Please. Please.”

I kept begging her and hid my face in her neck. Cassie took loud inhale from her mouth, it stammered as she did so. My shoulders shook as I cried into her neck. When I felt Cassie’s hand stroke my hair and the other rub my back, I let my sobs become more vocal.

Cassie and I fell to our knees and we hugged each other. Comforted each other.

I wailed into her neck. “I don't know! I don't know why!”

And I truly didn’t. There’s no real logic as to why I’m assassinating people, not in this situation. I can’t tell her that I’m preparing for a life on my own. I can’t tell her that the money I get from these completed jobs will allow me to live on my own in England or perhaps in America. So, I stuck giving her these stupid nonsensical half-truths.

“You hate me now, don’t you?” I whispered, a hiccup messing up my words.

Cassie replied no with a sigh. “No, of course not, Ali. What hurt the most was that you didn’t tell me sooner. I almost thought that you were prostituting yourself or you were with my dad...intimately.”

I laughed at that. “Oh, Cassie. While your dad is certainly still attractive, I could never do that to you besides...”

“I’m/You’re totally in love with Tommy/Thomas Shelby.”

We belted out with laughter, our foreheads resting together.

Cassie leaned back and wiped away the snot that was leaking from her nose. I did the same. She said softly. “Ali, how could you ever think I wouldn’t understand? We’ve murdered a man together, remember? You fucking idiot.”

I chuckled while shrugging my shoulders. “I just didn’t want to ruin anything.”

“You’re a bloody idiot, Aliena.”

I smiled. “At least, I’m rarely an idiot.”

She scoffed. “Yeah, that’s best for everyone.”

Silence fell between us before she asked. “How does it feel? Killing someone for money.”

I hummed while looking away and hugged my right foot closer to my body. “Well, it depends on the person and the method. But I can tell you one thing. When I see their blood, feel it, it’s like a high I can’t describe. My reactions just become so raw and get the better of me sometimes. Like I just want to smile and laugh hysterically, but I got to run so... I can’t allow myself to do it for too long either. Other times, I feel nothing. Nothing at all.”

“Do you regret it? Like are you haunted by it?”

I shook my head while pursing my lips. “No. Not one bit. It’s a little frightening, to be honest. How I’m so at peace with myself, you know? I don’t know how many people I’ve killed, but I can fall asleep easy at night. Their screams and pleas don’t haunt me.”

Cassie nodded. “You are so badass.”

We laughed again and I pulled her into a hug. “I love you, Cassie.”

“I love you too, Ali.”

“I’d do anything for you.”

“Me too.”

We parted from our hug a little and shared a kiss. I stroked her cheek with my thumb and stared into her blue eyes.

I whispered. “I think you’re one of my soulmates, Cassie.” My mouth smacked as I said through gritted teeth. “Please, don’t ever leave me or betray me or break my heart.”

Cassie nodded. “Never. I ask you the same.”

I smiled. “Never.”

Cassie joined me in my smile and we hid each other’s faces in our necks.

Thank you, God. Thank you, higher power, for blessing me with my soulmate.

I groaned in discomfort as there was this continuous ringing annoying me. Through squinted eyes, I reached for the phone.

“Suite 226, Ritz Hotel.”

“It’s Tommy. I’m calling a family meeting, get here quickly.”

I tried to find words, but ultimately I said. “Right, yeah. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Good.”

Then, he hung up. I put the phone back on the receiver and flopped back down with a sigh. I looked to my left where Cassie laid asleep on my arm.

“Who was it?” She grumbled.

I was rubbing the sleep out of my eyes as I replied. “Tommy. It was Tommy.”

“What’d he want?”

“He’s calling a family meeting. Wants me to be there.” I looked down at her and smiled, sadly. I began to get up, but Cassie wrapped her arms around my stomach preventing me from going any further.

She groaned, exaggeratedly. “Nooo! You’re mine for the weekend. You promised.”

I chuckled as I twisted my body to stroke the top of her head. “Cassie, they probably won’t even need me for that long. I’ll come back.”

“You can’t promise me that.”

I huffed as I roughly rubbed my forehead. “You’re right. I can’t.” There was a silence between us.

Cassie let go, using her hands to support herself. “Fine, whatever. You better come back.”

I smiled as I rose to my feet. “I will! Okay, I’ll see you later. Go on back to sleep.” I patted the pillow I was laying on before walking over to the sofa that had my clothes. I was wearing nothing but a tank top and panties.

I looked back at her just in time to see as she pshed me while moving some of her hair away from her face. “Do you even know what time it is? No, I’ma get ready for the day. Same as you.”

I heard her throw off the duvet and stomp away to, perhaps, her drawers. I picked up my bag and tried some appropriate clothing. I wasn’t intending to see them at all till I came back, so I didn’t pack any “modest” clothes.

Unfortunately, I had to settle with yesterday’s clothes which was, unfortunately, a short, purple floral dress. A very short and modern dress.

As I was tugging on my white, knee-high socks, I asked. “Cassie, could you ring Simmons for me, please?”

“Yeah, alright.”

I rolled my eyes. I really didn’t want her ‘ave a cob on for the rest of the day.

Cassie tapped my shoulder as I was putting on my shoes. “He’s downstairs. Just hop in the car when you’re ready.”

I nodded. “Thanks.” I sat up straight and patted her arm as she was knelt over the sofa. I stood on my knees and gave her a toothy smile. “Forgive me?”

She hummed. “It’s not your fault, so there’s nothing to forgive. But! If you don’t come back, then you’ll have to beg for forgiveness.”

I nodded, tapping her arm a few times before I kissed her on the cheek, and made my way to the door. I put on my coat, and flicked out my hair. “See you later then, Cass!”

“Bye!”

I made my way down and into the car. Simmons already knew where I was headed, so I didn’t have to say anything but a greeting.

I can’t remember the exact reason for this family meeting. Only that I have happiness associated with the memory since I have the urge to laugh, all of a sudden.

I ran a hand through my hair and tried to relax.

I can’t describe how liberating it was to finally tell Cassie. I won’t tell a blag. I was never planning on telling her. I just wasn’t. There was no maliciousness behind it nor guilt from me. I just didn’t see a need for her to know.

But now that she knew and understood, I can rest easy. Well, easier.

“We’re here, Ms. Welsh.”

I smiled at Simmons through the rear view mirror and thanked him as I climbed out of the car.

“Do I wait for you, Miss?”

I stammered for an answer. “Uh, um. N-No. I’ll have someone else drive me. Thank you, Simmons.”

He tipped his hat at me and then started up the car. I twirled around, walked toward the door, unlocked, and walked in. I closed the door behind me, took off my coat, hung it up, and began making my way into the shop.

I barely crossed the threshold when I was taken into someone's arms and spun around. I giggled hysterically, my arms wrapping around John’s neck.

“Here’s the little songbird! We were just talking about ya, Ali.” John shouted in my face.

My jaw dropped as I let out breathy laughs. “Oh, really? Alright, you had your fun. Now, put me down, ya big oaf!” I smacked his shoulder.

“If you want something, you gotta ask nicely. C’mon, Ali. Even my kids know that.”

Tom cleared his throat which caught both of our attention. He scratched his cheek with his thumb before saying, “John, put her down.”

John made a face. A face that asked why, and I smiled smugly at him for it.

“You heard the man. Put me down.”

John scoffed. “I don’t ‘ave to listen to him.”

I “ooohed” at the statement. But my smugness was short-lived as John spun me ‘round again. I held onto the man tighter, but my legs were swinging in the air. I hadn’t wrapped my legs around him in fear of showing anything. That’s how short this dress was.

“John!” Tommy yelled. “Stop spinning her ‘round and put ‘er down!” He made a face, one I couldn’t decipher. And neither could John, apparently.

Arthur’s mouth smacked before he pointed at us with his hand. “John, you’re showing her knickers for fuck’s sake!”

John let me go like I burned him ‘n I was glad for it. I tsked, pulled my dress down, and made sure to smack him across the chest a few good times. John snickered as always.

I hissed while still smacking him. “You fucking divvy!”

John shouted. “All right! All right, Ali! I’m sorry.” He caught my wrists and apologized one more time.

He had such a smile on his face that I couldn’t help but mimic it. I pushed his face away from mine as I muttered. “Oh, do one, will you?” We both snickered before finding ourselves a spot to stand. I was leaning against the wall next to John, my legs a little ways out in front of me. My back was arching and I was paying attention to my nails.

Tom cleared his throat again before walking up to me. He whispered. “Ali, how about you head upstairs and change, eh?”

I snickered at him. Looking at him as if that were the most ridiculous thing he’d ever said. I whispered. “I’m alright.”

His jaw clenched. He nodded his head as he looked away. “Alright.”

I tried thinking of reasons for him telling me that. I wasn’t going to get myself in another situation like the one that just happened. So, what was the big deal? Perhaps, it’s because this dress has a v-neckline as well.

Tom walked away and I never took my eyes off him. I didn’t look away as he looked back at me. It wasn’t a long shared glance since he was the one to break it first.

I sniffled before I bumped my shoulder into John. “Oi, you got a ciggie?”

He shook his head. “Nah, but hold on. Arthur, give one over, yeah?”

Arthur took out his carton, lit one up, and then passed it to John. John passed it to me and I nodded to Arthur.

“Anything for you, songbird.” Arthur chimed.

I chuckled before blowing out the smoke. We had to wait a little more till Polly’s car could be heard pulling up from outside. As Tom told John to get Polly and Michael, I walked over to the table to stub out my ciggie.

I was walking back over to the wall I was leaning against, when I heard the door open behind me.

From behind me, Polly said. “This had better be good to interrupt my holiday.”

I took my place as Polly quickly stood in front of the little table that was in front of Tommy.

“Where’s the boy?” Arthur asked.

As she was setting down her things, she answered. “In the back room. I only brought him because afterwards we're going to the museum.”

John chimed in saying, “He wanted to come in and say hello—”

“Shut up, John. There is nothing of interest to Michael in this room.”

I knew I wasn’t the only one who was shocked by her statement. My eyes blew wide and I fought off a tight-lipped smile.

‘Fuck, her eyes settled on me!’

Polly scoffed. “Ali, what in heaven’s name are you wearing?”

“I-!”

She blinked dramatically ‘n jerked her head back as she did so. Polly held up both of her hands before taking a deep breath and faced Tom. “Oh, Tommy, get on with it.”

My jaw dropped a little and I peered up at John, who gave me a similar look of astonishment.

We both turned to Tommy just as he clasped his hands together again. “Last night, one of our men had his throat cut in Winson Green. This morning, I had a telegram saying it was Sabini who ordered it.”

“And it says here that Thomas Shelby's next.” Arthur said as he ripped up the telegram.

Tommy continued. “If our men think we can't look after them in prison, they'll not work for us. Sabini knows that. So we need to get the Green sorted out. Scudboat, you and one of the boys break a couple of windows, get yourselves arrested. I'll have our coppers get you into the Green and you can find the bastards who did it.”

Scudboat asked. “Instead of breaking a window, can we pinch a car?”

Everybody in the room began snickering, except for Polly, Arthur, and Tommy.

Scudboat continued. “What? Everybody else is getting a bloody car.” It made everyone snicker even harder. “I'm still on a donkey.”

Tommy took back control as he said. “All right, just get yourselves fucking arrested, it doesn't matter how. And before you all laugh, a boy is dead.”

Yes, that’s very sad, but that was too fucking funny.

I turned away and hid myself in the wall, my hands covering my face. I stumbled as John pulled me into a hug. I couldn’t stop bloody laughing!

“He was just a kid. We'll start a fund for his family, Pol.”

“Agreed. So is that it? Can I go now?”

I turned back around and quietly thanked John for helping me.

“Well, as company treasurer, I need your permission to spend 1,000 guineas.”

“On what?”

“On a horse.”

“A thousand guineas on a horse?”

Tommy nodded. “That’s right.”

Polly took a moment, taking a couple of steps back with bewilderment on her face. “When was this decided?”

“You've been busy with Michael.”

“Oh, my God. So, in the absence of common sense, you boys have had an idea.”

“Polly, there's a thoroughbred, quarter-Arab filly up for auction at the Doncaster Bloodstock.”

“What do we want with a 1,000-guinea horse?”

“When we make our move on Sabini's racing pitches, any men we get into the betting enclosure will be lifted by Sabini's police. A good racehorse is a passport to the owner's enclosure.”

I knew Arthur was about to chime in and soon after that it would be Loose Lips McGee over here. I began rubbing my lips together harshly as a way to hide my smile.

Arthur said. “We'll be in there with all the toffs. Coppers won't know where to look.”

“Hmm.” John began. “Yeah, the Epsom Derby, Pol. We'll be drinking with the bloody king.”

Polly exclaimed “The Derby?”

Tommy and Arthur both looked at him mean. I snickered and whipped my head away. I used my hair as a shield.

“Did he say the Derby?”

I cleared my throat, faced them again, and held one of my wrists in front of me tightly. I was still rubbing my lips together. A sharp pain erupted on my chest and I groaned softly. I snarled at John and struck him back while hissing, “Watch it! You hit my boob.”

He resorted to snickering.

Tommy sighed, almost defeatedly. “That’s right.” He cleared his throat. “For the last 10 years, Sabini's made it his race. If we're going to take him down, might as well make it there, as a symbol.”

Polly asked. “Did you come up with this idea in a pub by any chance?”

“Pol, good racehorse is an investment, like property. We need to diversify the portfolio.”

‘That’s a load of bullshit!’ I smacked my hand over my mouth and rocked on my heels.

“So when is this sale?”

“Tomorrow.”

Arthur said. “Tommy's had a death threat, so we'll have to go with him for protection.”

Rather irritated, Polly said. “So, you're going to close up the shop, go out on a piss-up and blow 1,000 guineas on a horse that's not even whole Arab.”

Curly’s laughter caught everyone’s attention. “Quarter-Arab is better! Quarter-Arab, it means—”

“Curly, shut up.”

That’s when Michael came ‘round from behind John ‘n stood beside him.

Polly was quick to yell at John. “I thought I told you to lock that door.”

Michael said. “He did. I used the key on the nail. Look, I've been listening. I want to go with them.”

Polly flailed her hands up as she yelled. “You see?” She was looking right at Tommy. Crossed her arms when she was done.

Michael tried pleadin’ his case. “I love horses. I could even help.”

“Over my dead body!”

“It'll be all right, Mum.”

I couldn’t help but notice how much Polly softened as Michael called her mum.

“I've been to loads of horse auctions before with my uncle. They're very respectable. People bring their butlers.”

With a glass raised near his mouth, Arthur added. “Yeah, and their posh wives!”

“And their mistresses.” John said as he elbowed his cousin, playfully.

Arthur said while takin’ a drink. “Let him come, Polly. We'll go there, buy an 'orse, come back.”

John tried helping his cousin as he said. “I'll drop him back at the house in Sutton before it gets dark.”

Polly began shaking her head, tears barely forming in her eyes. “No. Fucking no.”

I pulled back my lips making an “Eee” kind of face before pursing them and looking away with my eyes closed. I knew all three of them were disappointed like little kids. Like little kids being told they can’t have a sleepover.

I could hear as Michael walked away then papers ruffled, and finally, the slam of the door.

Polly looked at Tommy, who was nodding.

He smacked his mouth before saying, “All right, that's it. Back to work. Come on!”

I headed out, posthaste. I caught up with Arthur and clapped my hands on his shoulders.

“Arthur!” I shouted. “Give me a ride to Cassie’s, will ya?”

“Cassie? Your mate’s?”

I nodded while humming.

“All right, hop in the car.”

After Arthur dropped me off at Cassie’s, we soon got a call from Angie. Said she wanted us to be at some event next morning. It was really fancy and I would have to dress nice. There was to be a dress code as well. All white. So, the next morning, Simmons dropped me off at the house in Sutton. As Michael was getting ready to go to the auction— I got ready for the event.

I wore a real modern dress. I got it made by the same person who Tina had make my birthday dress. It was a white, spaghetti strap, fit-and-flare dress. I had a white, fur-lined coat to go with it.

I barely styled my hair, just swept it to one side, really. My make-up was done in lighter shades and I added on jewelry. Had on my heart-shaped locket necklace and wore my pearl earrings.

When I was done slipping on my white heels, I trotted downstairs. I peered into the living room to see Michael showing off his new suit to Polly. I chuckled breathily at the sight before stepping outside.

I waited on the steps for Cassie to come ‘n pick me up. I rummaged through my purse for my lighter and my cigarette case. I put one between my lips and lit it up. I took a long pull and then slowly exhaled. My coat fell from my shoulders and into the crooks of my arms, but I didn’t care to hike it back up.

When I saw that ugly truck pull up, I smiled. I knew it was them ‘cause of the episode. John parked then hopped out of the car. I met him halfway as I ran into his arms.

I squealed as he twirled me around in the air.

“What’s up with your clothes nowadays, Ali? Looking like a rich girl.”

I cackled, mischievously with my head thrown back.

I was put down for a second before I was whisked up in the air again.

Arthur boomed. “Isn’t she a sight Tommy?” He set me down then hugged me from behind.

I couldn’t stop laughing. “Oh, let me go! Don’t mess up my hair!” I broke free from Arthur’s hug and pushed him away from good measure. With my free hand, I patted down my hair.

“Eh, where you going lookin’ like that, Aliena?” John asked.

I sighed. “One of my friends invited me to a party-event-thingy! It has a dress code. All white. And it’s posh people only, hence, the extravagance!”

I looked at Tom from the corner of my eye. I couldn’t read his face.

He nodded before asking, “ And who paid for the dress, Ali?”

I furrowed my eyebrows, confused. I took a drag before I said. “I did.”

He clicked his tongue and said “oh,” almost mockingly.

I walked closer to him and shoved him, playfully. “I’m not telling you a blag. I bought it myself. I had it custom made. Tina referred me to her dressmaker.”

He hummed and nodded.

I prodded my cheek with my tongue. I gave him a shit-eating grin as I said. “You know, the event is for horses. There's going to be a game of polo or something.”

“Lucky you.”

I scoffed. I didn’t manage to make him smile. Yet. I tiptoed, gaining some leverage by using his shoulder as I whispered into his ear. “You know, Polly’s inside making sandwiches for youse.”

“What?”

I let go, covering my mouth as I nodded. “She’s making sandwiches and put tea in a canteen.”

Tommy ran his tongue along the inside of his bottom lip before smiling while shaking his head.

When there was screeching down the road, our heads whipped around to see who it was. Angie pulled up, roughly.

“Oi, Aliena! Get your arse in this car! I’m about to kill Cassie.” Angie screamed while leaning out the window.

Cassie peaked out her head shouting, “Ali, she’s being mean to me.”

I squeezed my eyes shut looking away from them. I tsked, opening my eyes, and flicking my ciggie away. “Shut up, will youse? You’re fucking embarrassing me!” I shouted at them.

Arthur passed us, saying, “This kid. Fuck it! I’m honking the ‘orn.”

I giggled at the man. I sighed looking back at Tommy. I ran a hand over his arm before I said. “Good luck with your horse, Tommy, and be careful.”

“Yeah, I will. Have a good time.”

While walking backward toward Angie’s car, I replied. “Oh, I will!” I turned around and walked correctly. Just as I hopped inside the car, Arthur began his honking. I giggled again.

The event was fucking boss, la. I never thought I would have so much fun at a posh party. The only reason it was fun was ‘cause my friends made it so. Angie and Horace had so much sexual tension, but Angie-! She was playing the game. Good for her.

I mean the dude has liked her since childhood, but men! “Men go for whoever their dicks point at,” as Polly said. Cassie ended up meeting a man. Oh, he was so handsome!

If I wasn’t so in love with Tommy, I would have wanted to pay this lad some attention. Name was Douglas Clayborne. Anyway, she ended leaving me alone for ‘em. Not that I minded. I wasn’t as anxious as I used to be when I was younger.

Psh! I was, I would have prevented her from leaving with him. I would have asked to join them, at the very least. But that phobia’s been squashed. I’ve killed more than twenty people in my life. There’s no room to still be anxious about the world.

I’m the danger people have to worry about now.

Anyway, Horace ended up driving me home. Tina and Angie were incapacitated. When I walked through the door, Polly was there near the entrance of the living room. She was clearly not expecting it to be me, but greeted me, nonetheless.

I told her all about my day. As I was talking, Michael came home. She asked how it was, smelled his breath, and did all that. I smiled as Michael told her a blag.

When we both headed upstairs, I congratulated him for being about to lie. He smirked saying he had no clue what I was talking about.

After that I went to get undressed; however, I was pulled back down soon after. John had thrown pebbles at my window. He came to get me to help with Arthur. I sneaked downstairs and hopped into the car. He told me what happened, even though I already knew.

I spent the night tending to Arthur’s knuckles, cleaning off any blood on him, and then getting him into new clothes. That took a while and some persuading. I had to crash on the couch once I got him to sleep.

Fucking, christ! Can’t have one thing to myself. I sighed, exhaustedly.

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