#Ugh and these ideas are so good.... goddammit.

[blue2black]

HAZBIN HOTEL BLOOPERS:

PART 1

—————————

Valentino: The UNGRATEFUL WHORE! *throws drink towards Vox*

Vox: *steps to the side but gets the drink on him anyway*

Vox: ...

Vox: Which whore are we—UGH, that smells. *chuckles while wiping his coat*

Valentino: Sorry. 😓

Vox: No, it's okay.

Director: CUT!

—🎬—

Valentino: The UNGRATEFUL WHORE! *throws drink towards Vox and hits him*

Vox: AH-

—🎬—

Valentino: The UNGRATEFUL WHORE! *throws drink towards Vox*

—🎬—

Valentino: THAT FUCKING WHORE! *growling, throws drink towards Vox*

—🎬—

Valentino: The UNGRRRRATEFUL WHORE! *throws drink towards Vox*

—🎬—

Valentino: The fucking 🎶whoooooooorrrrreee🎶 *spins gracefully*

—🎬—

Valentino: ... 😐

Valentino: *raises drink* THE UNGRATEFUL—AAAAAH—son of a- 🤬

—🎬—

Vox: Think of something that pisses you off.

Valentino: I can only break so many glasses before I get this fucking line right, Christian...

—————————

Angel: Eh, you fucked one cannibal pool boy, you fucked 'em all. *brings his drink to his lips*

Husk: I guess you have changed...

Angel: *laughs out his drink back into his cup*

—🎬—

Angel: I want you to like, sing me a lullaby in that voice.

Husk: Mm. 😏 *knows he's the shit*

—————————

Alastor: —for every other disrespectful WRETCH who DARES to question me.

Husk, shaking: UnderST—*seagull screech*—d.

Husk: ... 😐

Husk: I was trying to sound scared... *Alastor laughs*

Husk: That voice crack though. *smiles while getting up*

—————————

Vaggie: Action...!

Niffty: 😃 ->🧍‍♀️

Vaggie: ...

Niffty: ...

Vaggie: ...

Niffty: ... 😐

Niffty: 🥴

Niffty, covering her face: AHHHH, I can't do it!! 😆

Vaggie and Angel: 😆😆

—————————

Alastor: ... *toothy grin in place*

Director: CUT!

Alastor: *turns into a fish* 😮 Ooooo...

Alastor: 😲 Ahhhhhhh...

Alastor, rubbing his cheeks: Fuckin' Christ.

—————————

Giant Overlord Alastor (animatronic): I̶͎͇̙̳̙͍̼̺̺̠̿̂̉ ̵̢̗̤̥̯͚͎́̎̉̆̑́͘͘̕̕ẁ̸͍̎į̶̛͗̈̎̽̍̍͘l̸̝̳͙̓̆͊̆͠l̴̢̧͙̹͖̩̫̻͔̄͛͂̈́̓͝ ̵̳͕̗͙̭̟͙̭͍̙̐͊͐̊d̶̫̗̮̿̀̈́̔̌̉̿̓̚e̴̺̰̊̓͂v̸̞͚͕͚͕̱̝̿̍̎̀̽́̅̀͠o̸̢̧͍̳͈͎̼̪͑ȕ̸̠͇͈̝̦͔͍̯̘̥̓r̷̨̤̦̰͈̞̠͚̀̃̇͋͝ ̸̢̭̺͖̭͖͚̃̉͒̐e̸͉͕̰̝͌̀̇̄͆̀͜͠͝á̴̢̞͓̝̝̗̪̪̓č̵̪̈́̃͋̈́̒̽͑̿͘h̴̡̡̛͇̱͓̭̟̟͚̐͜ ̷̧̲͔̏̄ȧ̶͈͈͎͚͖̺̫̼̓̄̇̍͘ņ̴̘͍̘̗̑d̷̢͊̔ ̷̢̢͔̙͚̙̳͌͋͑̕͘ḛ̸̲́v̷͉̗̆̐̑͂̂͜ę̴̧̜̙̰̈́͑̎̀́̍̇̆̕͘r̵̫̐̚y̴̟̺̙̑͂̽́̊̀͑͋ ̷̺̳̏̈́͒́͐̃O̸̯̲͂̇̋̈́̎͗N̷̡̟͇͔̯̏Ë̵̹̝́́̈́̍̀͐́̊͘ ̴͍͚̏͠O̴̰̣͙̭̥̹͙͇̓̄̈́̉̃̔F̶̲̝͔̖̗͕̭̜͐͗̉̍̃ ̴̢̡̮͖͓̕Y̸̢̡̞̪̦̫͂͊́̽͂͌͆̂̓Ô̸̲̻͕̄̊̋̆̏͐̋͝͝U̸̡͔͇͈̖̺̳͚̥̿ͅ!̵̢̬̬̝̙̈͌̔̇̓ͅ

Alastor, from behind the scenes: 😱

—————————

Angel: —I can handle MYSELF.

Husk: REALLY?! be- *Angel flinches back and almost falls*

Husk: —AH, sorry, that was too loud. *grabs Angel's arm*

Angel: These GOD DAMN heels!

—🎬—

Husk: Really??

Husk: Great, that wasn't loud ENOUGH.

—🎬—

Angel: You got this 👍😃👍

Husk, face in his hands: UuugggghhhhhaaaAAAAHHHHHHH—

—🎬—

Husk: Really?! Because I just saw someone self-destructing!

Husk: ...it seems like...I don't know...

Husk: You might need a bartender to talk to.

...

Director: When you say that last part, add a little softness to it.

Husk: Hahaha 😄 *Angel: 😁*

Director: Remember, you're trying to comfort him.

Director: Let's go again!

—🎬—

Angel: —I can HANDLE MYSELF!

Husk: RE—*seagull screech*

Husk: *face palms* Goddammit! Why does that happen??-

—🎬—

Husk: —how famous, how hot—

Husk: So, you might as well just...cut the act.

Angel, whips his head around: IT'S NOT AN act... *trails off laughing*

—🎬—

Husk: Loser. *lovingly*

Angel: No, you. *also lovingly*

—🎬—

Husk: Are we doing a string of this? *Angel: 😅*

—————————

Lucifer and Sera, taking a selfie: 😇😝

—————————

Lute: Got a good 275 this year, sir.

Adam: HAH, awesome, pound it danger tits. *fist bumps Lute*

Adam: Yeah, yeah...love you girl.

Adam, panicking: Ohhh no, I wasn't supposed to say that. *BTS crew laughs*

Adam: Charlie, your idea is shit—fucking hell—go back, go away... *waves Charlie away, looking down embarrassed*

Charlie: *laughing her ass off*

—————————

Angel, laying in the studio bed naked: I can't believe that the first acting role I ever get requires me to moan into a mic a thousand times.

—————————

*Husk and Angel chatting before the start of a scene*

Vaggie:

(She’s the #1 HuskerDust shipper on God)

[velvet-games]

ficlet inspired by this post @theautotrophic made. it ended spiraling into something very different lol but it's still kind of the same idea? I just needed to explain why vox joins the hotel in my universe.

“Ugh! How is this still happening?” Charlie moaned, turning off the TV. “I don’t think we can make any progress if we don’t start creating our own news coverage.”

“What was that?” Alastor stepped closer to the couch she and Vaggie were slumped on, suddenly curious. 

“It’s Vox. He’s making almost every channel about how much of a failure the hotel is – even though we just proved redemption is possible – and I think it’s actually gaining a lot of traction.” Charlie sighed. “It’s just … I thought everything would get better after we saved the day and my dad could help out, you know? But we’re still fighting just to get people to give us a chance.”

Vaggie put a hand on Charlie’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay. We’re the ones with actual proof. I’m sure if we make our own announcement–”

“Wait! Alastor, you made that commercial last time, right?”

“Oh, uh, about that, Charlie–”

“You can make more to counter Vox’s stuff. Hey, and you were friends with him at some point too, right? So you know how to deal with him–”

“Charlie.” Vaggie spun Charlie around to face her. “Sorry. It’s just …”

“Vaggie made a deal with me so that I would never have to work with those picture boxes again,” Alastor finished cheerfully. 

Vaggie visibly deflated in shame. “Uh, yeah, something like that,” she mumbled. “I’m sorry.” Her expression became even more miserable as Charlie seemed to deflate too.

“Oh,” Charlie said. “Well, maybe you could–”

“But!” Alastor interjected, holding up a finger. He was far above drawing any attention to the Vees unprovoked, but this was about as good of an excuse as any. “The purpose of the deal was to prevent me from having any obligation to use the medium for producing entertainment. I would be happy to … take care of the interference from Vox.”

“Great!” Charlie’s eyes shone for one perfectly naive second before her face twisted in suspicion. “Wait … what are you gonna do?”

“Oh, just mess with his wires a little; nothing extreme, dear.”

—

A loud BOOM shook the building as Vaggie failed for the third time to get the TV to turn on. She sighed. “Goddammit.” None of the TVs were working, the Vees’ website had crashed, and Alastor had been gone for the last 24 hours. Vaggie could almost see the expression of horror on Charlie’s face when she found out Alastor had absolutely done more than “mess with his wires a little.” Vaggie rushed to the window, and yep. There it was: a giant red deer demon with shadow tentacles shooting out of it as a much smaller blue smudge darted around with trails of electricity following it. She sighed again. “Charlie? Come down; Alastor’s being an asshole again.”

—

“And I had a great idea for a new show that was gonna air today too!” Vox narrowly dodged another hit from Alastor’s shadows. 

“Another new show? My dear, you really are proving just how much you’re throwing rocks at the wall in the hopes that they’ll miraculously stick.” Alastor turned as Vox appeared behind him in a shower of sparks. “And was it really your idea? Or did you just have your little unpaid underlings come up with it for you?” 

“Fuck you!”

“Oh, I think we’re far past that possibility, darling.” Alastor chuckled, finally managing to grab Vox before he could jump into another streetlamp. “What was the idea? Another reality dating show with manufactured drama? Really, is anything you produce even remotely original nowadays?” The shadow tendril threw Vox into a nearby building. What remained of the terrified pedestrians scattered like ants as Vox fell, several bricks going with him. “What a pity. You used to at least come up with half-decent stories, even if the endings were always laughable.”

Vox groaned, trying to hold several shards of his broken screen in place. “N-No one cares. No one fucking cares what you think; I’m the one who built the empire. You have like, three listeners on that ancient radio show.”

“And each one of them has told me how much they like it, that it’s their favorite, even!” Alastor leaned down. “Would anyone watch you without the hypnosis, without other people’s hard work masquerading as your own?” He smirked. “Would anyone love you without manipulation?”

That last part caused Vox to look up, teeth bared. Several wires shot out of the building behind him and attached themselves to his head, lifting him up to be at eye level with Alastor. “Would anyone love you without manipulation?” Alastor kept smiling despite the surge of electricity that hit him; he quickly batted Vox out of the air, cutting off the attack. 

“I’ll have you know that nearly everyone who meets me adores me, whether they admit it or not,” Alastor replied smoothly. “Including you.”

Vox was on his knees, wires falling as he coughed up what became a puddle of blood. It was always startling how red it was, despite the mechanical nature of most of his body. “Yeah, have a fucking laugh.” His voice became quiet, muffled by static. “Have a fucking laugh about the fact that I loved you and you threw me away like a box of scraps.” He sniffed, standing up shakily and wiping a trail of red from his mouth. “Well, I’m the one with all the influence now, aren’t I? I’m the one with an actual team. You were fading even before you left; I bet you really did ask an angel for help, just to stay fucking relevant. Most of the other overlords aren’t scared of you anymore, and they’ll fucking kill you when none of them are.” 

Alastor narrowed his eyes. “You loved me? Is that why you ran away with that moth to make ‘entertainment’ even you won’t watch?” He started shrinking to his usual size, stepping forward. 

Vox scrambled back, one hand generating a few weak sparks. “Val loves me.”

“Valentino knows you’ll gnaw on any affection you get like a starving dog with a soup bone.” Alastor pushed Vox to the ground again, reaching down to wrap his fingers around Vox’s throat. The sparks in his hand died. “He knows you’re too selfish to make a real connection with anyone.”

Tears welled in Vox’s eyes, round and filling up nearly all of what was left of his screen. “I-I still love you,” he managed to choke out quietly. 

Alastor tightened his grip. “You love money. And I was stupid enough to care for you before I realized that.” Vox’s eyes managed to get even bigger as he started to really choke. “But you’re just dirt underneath my feet, and I’ll kill you every day that I have left here so you remember that.” Alastor just watched Vox’s face for a moment, then pulled out a small knife with his other hand. “Actually, you know what? I have angelic steel with me. I think I’ll just finish you here.” He drove the blade into Vox's side before he could respond, prompting a pained, strangled sound. It wouldn’t kill him quickly. He’d feel it for hours as he bled out if no one helped him. 

“Alastor!” a shrill voice called. He turned to see Charlie’s panicked face, her chest jumping with labored breaths as she stumbled to a stop. “Stop! Stop; I’m sure he’s had enough.”

Alastor stood up, giving one last petty kick to Vox’s leg. He put on an upbeat tune. “Hm, alright. I was just about getting bored with him anyway. How about we go get lunch at that new place around the corner? I’m absolutely starved!”

“I–” Charlie blinked. “No, Alastor, he–” She looked around his shoulder, flinching when she saw the state Vox was in. “Shouldn’t we help him?” she whispered. 

“And whyever would we do that?” 

“Well, I mean …” Charlie started, then appeared to brighten a little. “Actually. I have an idea.” She straightened her shoulders, putting on her “aggressively-kindly” face and voice. “As princess of Hell, I command you to leave the Vees and come help with the hotel. And make up with Alastor.” She glanced at Alastor apologetically before mumbling quickly, “onlyifyouwanttothoughyoudon’thavetodoanythingyou’renotcomfortablewith.” 

Vox blinked, managing to look unimpressed despite bleeding profusely and only having a quarter of his original face visible between all the cracks and glitching. “I would literally rather kill myself.”

Charlie blushed all the way to her ears. “O-Oh.” 

Alastor just burst out laughing, making a show of spinning his cane as he stepped closer to Vox. “Well, old friend,” he said, lifting a heeled boot above Vox’s chest and pressing down. “I’m sure that won’t be necessary if you refuse our help.” Vox sputtered a little as Alastor continued to push. “How about this: Lucifer can heal your wound, and you take a temporary break from working with the Vees, just long enough to help us create a presentation for the angels.” He let his gums show with a smirk that probably contained enough smugness to kill a horse. “And I would love to have you for dinner the night you leave. Is that a deal?”

Vox immediately blushed despite clearly being too lightheaded from blood loss to fully understand what Alastor was saying. “You bastard” – Alastor pressed harder – “Fine! Fine, yes. It’s a deal justliftyourfootholyshitfuck–”

“Wonderful!” Alastor lifted his boot, leaving Vox coughing and bending over on his side. “Now. you two have fun; I’m afraid I need another visit to the tailor,” he said. He brushed off his lapels and straightened his cuffs. “Oh, and Vox? It wasn’t angelic steel; I just think desperation suits you.”

Alastor was gone before the cries of indignant surprise assaulted his ears.

[athamad]

Ah yes finally I'm finished, Ratings of Odysseus and Penelope's reunion artworks let's get started!!!

No.1

-I like this very much

-but Odysseus isn't participating enough

-your wife is on her knees Odysseus do something!!!!

-Aww they're about to kiss...l think?

-I feel like they can just rub noses forever

-love the third wheel back there

-also love the hand placements

8/10

No.2

-l love this

-theyre not gonna kiss tho

-they can stare at each other for days

-and l support that

-the women in the back are Athena and Homer(I'm the chair)

-basic but love it overall

-again love the hand placements

9/10

No.3

-Penelope why are you grabbing Odysseus' beard so aggressively???

-l get why you're mad but damn

-I mean he might like it?

-why are they kneeling

-are you gonna make out on the floor or what?

-"If I'm going down you're coming with me." "yes babe ❤️"

-who are the other guys?

-l don't like the crowd that much

-too crowded 😬

6/10

No.4

-WAIT WHY ARE YOU GUYS NOT HUGGING

-HUH?????

-GOD DAMMIT BE AFFECTIONATE

-why are you guys so lifeless???

-l don't like this

-at least the coloring is nice

-but a hand hold isn't enough

2/10

No.5

-this is too perfect

-I love the idea of Penelope just jumping into Odysseus after she figured out it was really him

-and Odysseus is like "l got you babe"

-this is too much l love it

-perfection

-l like the art style too

10/10

No.6

-this is so good

-Penelope my beloved

-Odysseus is a bit lifeless

-dude show some emotion we don't judge

-overall l like it

-but Odysseus is cold for no reason

6.5/10

No.7

-now this is unique

-malewife Odysseus? Sign me up

-l love it

-Odysseus is probably giving a romantic speech

-Telemachus is flabbergasted

-there are things going on on the background but not important

7/10

No.8

-I LOVE THIS AAAA

-theyre so in love l wanna eat them

-Penelope threw herself at him and he caught her

-EEEEKKK!!!

-ugh l love them

-Athena is like "my job is done here"

-for the third time those hand placements are so good l will eat this artwork

10/10

No.9

-GODDAMMIT WHERE IS THE AFFECTION

-ODYSSEUS HUG YOURE WIFE

-why are you so angry? Hello???

-Penelope is so cute l wanna pinch her cheeks

-if you don't hug her l will

-and then beat you with a stick

3/10

No.10

-oh

-my

-GODDDD AAAAA

-THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACHOTHER JFNDNSKSNE

-theyre so cute I'm gonna explode

-the ideal couple

-Penelope threw herself at him

-AND HE CAUGHT HER AAAA

-They don't look like they will kiss but it's fine

-nevermind they will

-Athena represents all of us

10/10

So, uh, that's it! This was fun tbh, l might do this again with another moment from the Odyssey (maybe Naussica finding him or his step grandma realizing who he is) but let me know what you think :D

Uhhhh, have a nice day!

[malarkgirlypop]

He's the Boss Part 4 (Bull Randleman x F!Reader)

WELL WELL FUCKING WELL. Jesus christ I have been looking at this part 4 in my wips for ages. Finally got an idea, that then may have spiralled into a whole fucking rabbit hole, but lol here we are! But anyway it's done, woooh, we get a bit of Cowboy Bull thrown in so that's fun! I hope you all enjoy the last instalment of this Bull series. But not to worry, I love Bull and I'm sure I will write another one for him. We need more Bull content goddammit! if this is bad don't tell me lol

Based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters, no hate to the people involved.

Tag list: @footprintsinthesxnd, @vikinglover07, @next-autopsy, @panzershrike-pretz, @xxluckystrike, @bucky32557038ww2, @b00ks1ut, @paula-912 (I can't remember of anyone else has asked to be tagged, if you have please remind me, I'm so bad!)

I finally left the room. Bull and I talked for hours laying together on his bed. I looked at the time it was four in the morning, I knew I had to leave before everyone else got up. It wouldn’t be a good look sneaking out the Seargents room in the early hours of the morning, looking freshly fucked. 

“I have to go.” I whispered trying to get out of bed, Bull pulled me back down onto the bed kissing me gently on the lips. I groaned in frustration, he was making it very hard to leave, and he knew it. He watched me intently as I got dressed again, laughing at me as I scoured around for where I had thrown my bra. He was enjoying the show. 

I waved goodbye sneaking out of the room, closing the door quietly behind me. I walked down the hall, the realisation of what just happened hitting me. I couldn’t help but grin, I skipped down to my room. I shut the door behind me, flopping down onto my bed. I glanced at the time, “Ugh I have to be up in 3 hours.” It was a later start on the Saturday but we still had duties to attend even if there was nothing to do here in Austria. We were still waiting for the German army to surrender, but even then we weren’t set on going home after that, they were still fighting over in the Pacific. I fell fast asleep under my covers being so tired from the events prior. 

My alarm blared next to me, I groaned rolling over wrapping my pillow around my head to block out the annoying noise. I sat up smacking the clock off.  A knock rapped on my door, George didn’t wait to be invited in, waltzing into the room and shutting the door behind him. He flopped down onto the bed next to me. 

“We gotta get up, Y/N.” He moaned into the pillow, I peeked my eye open at him, he looked like a bus had hit him. His hair all tousled and dark circles under his eyes. 

“No.” I mumble into the pillow, pulling the covers over my head. He pulled them back down inspecting my face.  

“Why do you look so tired, you barely drunk anything?” He squinted at me. 

“I didn’t get to bed till late. Do we have to get up?” I asked, enjoying the warmth under the blanket. I was so cosy I didn't want to leave my little nest I had made.

He raised his head from the pillow scanning my features, his brows furrowed together in concentration. “What do you mean, you didn’t get to bed till late? We got home at the same time. You and Bull put me to bed. You and Bull. YOU AND BULL!” I flinched away from the man as he pounced on top of me pinning me to the bed. 

“Shhh, George!” I said trying to cover his mouth which hung open. 

“I just didn’t sleep well is all.” I lied, pushing him off of me. I threw the covers back, hastily getting changed into my uniform while George looked at me, I could see from here the cogs turning in his brain. 

“Stop thinking so much, you’ll hurt yourself.” I threw the pillow that had fallen off the bed at his face.    

—--------------

We walked down the hall together, “So nothing happened last night?” George asked for the umpteenth time. 

“George, would you quit it! I told you. After I put you to bed, Bull and I had a drink and then we parted ways.” He looked at me suspiciously, still not believing the story I had told him. 

—--------------

We made it to the mess hall in time for breakfast, standing in line for our food. Luz spoke cheerily with the other men, seemingly forgetting about the terrible hangover he had. I grabbed a few things off the table that had been prepared, popping them on my plate. My eyes constantly flitted to the door waiting for Bull to walk in. Even though I had only seen him a couple hours ago, I desperately wanted to see him again. Send him a little smile or wink as he walks in. A look that we shared that no one else knew but us. 

I sat down at the table with the rest of the Easy men joining George and I. They all chatted as I nibbled, patiently waiting for Bull to arrive. But he never did, his tall frame never coming into view. He had missed breakfast all together.

“Hey little bird!” George snapped his fingers in front of my face, pulling me from my focus on the door. I looked at him, confusion on my face.

“We are leaving, come on!” George said as I looked around the table we were the only ones left there. 

“Why did you call me little bird?” I asked standing, following George with my plate and putting it on the counter to be returned. 

“Cause you were nibbling on one piece of toast all of breakfast like a little bird.” George said over his shoulder as we walked out of the mess hall. I sighed trailing behind. I had wanted to see Bull so bad, but I know he’s a busy man.

We walked through the buildings, I walked behind George sighing loudly and scraping my feet. George walked briskly ahead, only turning around occasionally to check I was still meandering behind him. Another sigh left my mouth but it was quickly stopped as my arm swinging by my side was snatched up swiftly. My eyes widened as I went to scream, but a large hand covered my mouth stopping any noise from leaving my throat. I was dragged behind one of the walls of the houses we were walking through. I struggled tirelessly against the firm hold that had me, with no success. This person who had me was very much stronger and bigger than me.  

“Easy there!” The warm timbre of the voice stilled me. I knew that voice anywhere. His hands set me free as soon as I stopped struggling. I swung around to face Bull. I crossed my arms over my chest trying to appear annoyed, but the grin on my face gave me away. 

“What on earth are you doing, Bull?” I asked him. He grinned down at me. 

“Come with me.” He replied, gently taking my hand in his leading me away. 

“Where?” I queried, but I let him take me. I held onto his hand following behind my question still left unanswered. All he did was smile at me, his face beamed with excitement. 

We walked for a bit, leaving the buildings behind we were staying in. He walked us onto a gravel road in between rolling fields. We walked all the way down the road, hand in hand, enjoying the scenery. We finally came to a stop under a tall tree, its branches so wide and thick it shaded us from the hot sun. 

“Are we here? Is this it?” I asked again. Bull nodded, hopping the wooden fence with ease. 

“Bull! What are you doing?” I asked in a hushed voice even though no one else was around to hear us. We hadn’t seen people since we had left the town. 

“Come on, it's this way.” He held out his hand for me to help me climb over the fence. I stepped from one foot to the other, looking around to see if we would get caught. 

“You trust me don’t you?” He said hand still reaching out for me. I sighed nodding, I did trust him. I climbed over the fence, Bull lifting me off the other side, once I had reached the top, and placing me gently on the ground. We walked into the field, the edges lined with pine trees. It seemed to sprawl for miles, filled with lush green grass and patches of wildflowers and trees here and there. 

I watched as Bull placed his thumb and index finger in his mouth in a ‘o’ shape. I tilted my head curiously, but soon figured out what he was doing, when a loud whistle left his lips. I stared at him as he swung around sending me a wink. I heard the sound of heavy footfalls racing towards us. There in the distance a horse sprinted towards us. It nickered and whinnied as it ran. It arrived stopping right in front of Bull. It pushed its head into him, as he lifted his hand to pat it. 

“Come on over, he’s not scary.” Bull beckoned me over, as I stood wearily to the side. I moved closer, reaching out for the horse to smell me. He snorted softly pushing his head against my hand as I stroked the bridge of his nose. 

“I don’t know what his real name is but I call him Randy.” He told me. I couldn’t help the laugh that left my lips. 

“What?” He asked, looking confused.    

“Randy, I love it!” I laughed more, hiding my chuckles behind my hand. 

“Well it’s Sir Randy to you, if you’re going to take that attitude!” He said with a serious tone. I couldn’t help but throw my head back in laughter at his antics.  

“Hello Randy.” I cooed as I patted the horse. I watched Bull raise one eyebrow, not looking impressed. 

“My deepest apologies, Sir Randy.” I bowed deeply to the horse to show my respect for his title. Now it was Bull’s turn to laugh as he watched me. 

“Alright, you ready?” Bull asked, I looked at him puzzled. We hadn't been here more than five minutes and he was ready to leave. 

“Are we going already? I asked, a pout on my lips. I didn’t want to go just yet. Bull smiled walking towards me. His arms wrapped me in a tight hug, as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. I rested my head on his chest looking up at him. Bull’s head dipped down, his lips finding mine. He kissed me softly, letting the touch linger before pulling away.  

“You’re so cute.” He hummed lowly in my ear, sending butterflies swirling in my stomach. 

“No we aren’t leaving. We’re going for a ride!” Bull beamed down at me, my brows knitted together as I pieced it all together in my head. 

“We’re riding Randy?” I asked. He nodded. My eyes widened. “I haven’t ridden a horse before! Also whose horse is this? Are we allowed?” The questions tumbled from my lips in quick succession. 

“Yes we are riding Randy. It’s fine the owner will never know. And who cares if we are allowed or not, it’s fun.” Bull moved away walking back over to the horse, patting Randy on his back. The horse snorted in response. Bull turned back and looked at me, “Plus I have seen how you ride, you’ll be fine.” He sent me a cheeky wink. My cheeks flushed pink, a giggle leaving my mouth. 

“You’re up first.” Bull said to me as I made my way over. Bull clasped his hands together for me to step into, he boosted me up onto the horse. I sat on Randy’s back, feeling unsteady since there was no saddle for me to sit in. 

“Can you ride bareback?” I asked, looking down at him. Bull grinned, sending me a wink.

“Not like that!” I swatted at him with my hand, but he dodged me easily.   

“Yeah. I used to ride bareback all the time, back at the farm.” He said as he hoisted himself up onto the horse, his large frame sitting in front of me. I wrapped my arms around his waist, leaning my head into his back. 

Bull clicked his tongue nudging Randy in the side. The horse snorted and started walking forward. 

“Where are you going to take me?” I asked from behind him, craning my neck up to see over his shoulder. But his torso being so much longer than mine made the task difficult. I opted to look out at the side view, since I couldn’t see a thing in front of me. 

“Well I saw this nice creek, looked good for a dip.” Bull said in his country drawl. I didn’t have time to react to his comment, before he kicked the horse in the side. 

“Heyah!” He yelled, Randy took off in a sprint. I yelped in surprise, holding on tightly to Bull. Randy cantered through the field leading us to a gate, we passed through it quickly. I was trying to admire the view but it all just blurred past due to the speed at which we were going. I held on for dear life, but felt safe with Bull handling the horse. 

We finally reached the small creek, willow trees swayed in the breeze, their long branches reaching down and touching the water. 

“Oh, Bull, this is stunning.” I said, casting my gaze around at the scenic view. He dismounted the horse easily, landing steady footed on the ground. Before I knew it, I was being plucked off of Randy. Bull’s strong hands taking under my arms and lifting me gently to the ground. He placed me on my feet in front of him. 

I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my lips. I leant forward, kissing him gently. But Bull seemed to have other plans, his mouth taking mine hungrily. I moaned into his mouth as he kissed me deeper. His hand finding the buttons of my top, I pulled back laughing, swatting his hands away from me.

“Hey! We can’t do it here! What if we are caught?” I blushed thinking about being caught in that certain predicament with Bull. 

“Oh no ma’am, that wasn’t my intention.” Bull grinned a cheeky smile. 

“And then tell me good sir. What was your intention?” I asked prodding his chest with my finger. Bull grabbed my wrist, pulling me in closer. 

“I was just helping you get undressed. We are going for a dip after all.” He laughed heartily, the noise sending shivers up my spine. 

“Well, last one in is a rotten egg!” I squeal, charging down the grass towards the creek. Flinging my clothes off as I went. Bull wasn’t far behind, shedding his own attire just as quickly. 

“I’ll get you, Y/N!” Bull laughed as he chased behind me. 

“I would like to see you try!” I screamed as he scooped me up in one foul swoop. 

Bull ran into the warm water, with me still in his arms half naked. I snuggled in closer to his chest. Running my hands down his torso. 

“Can we stay like this forever?” I asked, kissing him softly on the lips. 

“Always!” Bull smiled down at me, his sweet eyes creasing at the sides. His lips pressed against mine. “I promise.”         

[allwormdiet]

Hive 5.10

Thank god, some fucking cooldown after these fight chapters

Skitter: I'm helping!

Oh Taylor, you're just styling down the course of this slippery slope, aren't you? Slaloming even.

Very nice of Taylor to grab gift bags for everybody, except for the fucking Nazis of course

Well hell, not like you could've known that he had disease immunity as a side benefit of his powers. Putting that extra effort in wasn't really wasted.

Fucked up that powers can tweak your mind, honestly. What if getting laser vision fucked up your ability to interface with the world and people around you? Terrifying.

Also, being real, I don't know if Taylor's power does have a drawback, but I'm not sure she should count herself in the clear yet. Things have a way of sneaking up in this story.

Wait hang on, what place. What's the fucking place. Goddammit that's going to come up later and be horrifying, sad, or both, I can feel it now.

I would absolutely ride on dogback if I had the opportunity, that fucking rules, I'm glad Taylor is getting that experience with the wind in her hair and everything

Incredible date idea too

God these two are fucking hilarious

Kiss kiss kiss kis-awwwww.

Also Jesus fucking Christ that's a badass wound to have, but also yeah no way can she figure out a way to hide a full-body handprint from the dragon that tried to squeeze her like a rubber ducky.

This is extremely sweet

and now it's awkward again

Poor girls just can't figure out how to fucking talk to each other

Well. This didn't not work.

Interesting that she's drawing the line to Labyrinth here, it's not a connection I'd have made.

Very reassuring Lisa, good job

Also the "ahhh" is so fucking funny

Man. This is kinda sad actually. Easy money says that Rachel was already some kinda neurodivergent before her powers came in, so human interaction getting even harder must be. Ugh.

Powers are real motherfuckers like that, huh. They become something you lean on in your time of need but they never seem to fix the actual problem, or the fact that they're your only solution.

Wonder if Taylor's gonna connect the dots on that for herself, or what

Yes, yesss, more empathy for Rachel! Maybe Taylor will actually start calling her Rachel in her head at some point.

Concluding Thoughts

Don't think I forgot about whatever "place" Labyrinth was sprung from, I'm holding that one in the back of my head

But more importantly for now, more Rachel! God I love Rachel, she's so good

Wild that your powers can make you even more autistic than you already were, or else just decouple your perceptions from reality all the way. Fucked up, too.

Interlude up next, stay tuned

[tobiasdrake]

Well, chief. I guess this is it. Thanks for everything, and I'll see you aro-- Oh, we aren't finished yet.

Goddammit.

Hypothetically speaking, if you were going to be alone with a man who might try to kill you, what size of knife would you carry on your person and where would you stash it? Asking for a friend.

Are you, though? You know in a Saturday Morning Cartoon when the adult guardian goes, "The plot is happening but YOU will go to your room and behave yourself. You will NOT slip out and go do the thing."

But this is like episode 87 and we all know they're going to slip out and go do the thing anyway so, really, saying this is just a formality at this point?

That's your level of authority, Yakou. Thank you so much for saving my life from my terrible mistakes last chapter; Anyways, back to doing the things that got me in trouble in the first place!

I'll write him a note and leave it in Halara's hotel room, along with an IOU formally requesting that they deliver it to Yakou upon confirmation of my death.

I obviously won't be able to pay the IOU but at this point I'm pretty sure Halara only cares about the optics of charging money.

Kurumi, I took you to meet my dangerous, ambiguous wildcard contact. There's a 50/50 chance he's going to tie you to a chair and dangle you over a vat of acid before all is said and done. We are well past the point where something as innocuous as worry is inappropriate.

OH THANK GOD. Of Death. Literally. Thank you for finally ending this awkward quasi-farewell, Shinigami.

We're running out of good ideas to escape from this sub. This is one step above pointing behind Yakou and shouting, "LOOK, A FALSE LEAD!" then bolting when he turns around.

Because then it will spoil. The best kinds of evidence have an expiration date!

Yuma finally proving that abandoning all pretense and bailing at the speed of feet is, and always has been, a viable option for dodging Yakou's paper-thin attempts at professional responsibility.

Sorry, man, but you-

HAHAHAHA OKAY, Yuma made me laugh but I was unprepared for Kurumi to then also bolt out the door. XD Run, guys! Yakou looks like he maxes out at a shamble! A brisk jogging pace should do!

To be fair, she does not work here. It'd be uncomfortable for her to stick around someone else's workspace without her one and only connection to this place.

Sorry, Yakou. As hard as you're going to kiss her ass, Kurumi is not interested in becoming your intern. She's here for Yuma. And she is as much of a troublemaker.

HOLY SHIT YOU GODDAMN VAMPIRE

I legit did not turn the camera to check the fireplace. He may have been here for this entire scene thus far.

I KNOW RIGHT!? We need to put a bell on him. Wait, no, bell only chimes when you move. ...one of those perpetual motion clicky ball sets that managers have on their desk to make them look important. He can wear it around his neck.

You heard as much as Yakou, man. Yuma was super cryptic and then fled.

*sigh* Okay, what's Desuhiko pulling this time, Vivia? Is the pale blue blink supposed to be Fubuki? But then the storm would be... him getting the shit kicked out of him....

Ugh, I don't have time for his shenanigans, I have a trap to go die in.

For a man who was all gung-ho about box cutting my throat out, you sure don't seem to be in any rush to do it. I think Vivia used up all of his energy trying to stand up dramatically.

How are you going to feel if I die before you have a chance to kill me, Vivia? Can you live with that regret? Or... I guess, since you want to die someday, maybe not being able to live with that regret would be a good thing.

I guess. Keep doing what you're doing and hope for the worst, my guy. Power of positive thinking!

[tenma-udai]

perfect (for you) - gabstar - Haikyuu!! [Archive of Our Own]

bokuaka coffee shop AU/meet-cute !!

Bokuto has never really been much of a coffee person. It’s too bitter, the smell is overpowering, and the caffeine is bad for his nerves. But he’s always appreciated the coffee shop right across the street from his gym. He thinks the snuggling owls engraved onto the spacious window panels are adorable, and the way the shop seems to glow from within when he passes by it in the early mornings feels homey and comfortable. The little cardboard cups that the patrons carry out are intricately decorated in spirals of white, black, and gold. It’s not even a conscious thing really, but for some reason, he always finds himself admiring the cozy little cafe as he passes it by going to and from the gym. Something about the atmosphere, the happy-looking patrons, the way the architecture makes it look more like a bookstore than a coffee shop just leaves Bokuto helplessly charmed by it. 

He never would have gone inside under ordinary circumstances. But one Saturday a monsoon rolls in right as he’s just wrapped up his morning workout. The downpour leaves the gutters overgorged, and rivers rippling down the streets. Damn. Bokuto might still have braved jogging home, but he just dropped a good chunk of change on his super-cool new workout shoes and the thought of getting all that squashy new foam soaked depresses him. He doesn’t want to hang out at the gym all day, either. And then he remembers the cafe. Right across the road. 

The storm has gotten so bad that he’s still fairly soaked, even after only a brisk jog across the street. He opens the door and the heavy scent of coffee hits him. Ugh. Bokuto wrinkles his nose, but he supposes it’s what he’ll have to tolerate for somewhere warm and dry to wait it all out. There are round little tables scattered around the room and the walls are lined with bookshelves. Huh? Is this also a bookstore? No wonder Bokuto had thought it looked so library-esque from the outside! Bokuto gapes at it all as he shakes the rainwater out of his hair and wipes the excess droplets off his jacket. He looks up and— 

Bokuto’s soul is punched out right of his body. Like he’s just been hit over the head with a ton of bricks. He freezes; his eyes go wide and round as dinner plates. Time seems to come to a standstill.

The most gorgeous man Bokuto has ever seen in his life is standing behind the counter. He isn’t looking at Bokuto. He seems entirely transfixed on his task, wiping down white ceramic mugs with beautiful hands. Gorgeous hands, even. Bokuto didn’t know beautiful hands were a thing, but he cannot deny the evidence so plainly in front of him. Long slender fingers, his delicate tendons flexing enticingly, the graceful, purposeful way they move. And then there’s the rest of him: inky black curls framing soft porcelain skin, a sweet mouth pursed into a concentrated frown, thick brows that draw the eye to his piercing gaze, and the longest eyelashes Bokuto has ever seen. Bokuto didn’t think this kind of beauty existed outside of movies and magazines, but here it is right here before him. It’s all Bokuto can do to stop. And stare. And gape. 

Bokuto has no earthly idea how long he stands there. The concept of time is entirely lost on him. The strikingly gorgeous man sets down his mug and startles at the sight of him. 

“Oh!” he says, and wow, even his voice is beautiful. Tenor, melodic, and soft. Bokuto’s heart is doing backflips in his chest. “Sorry, I didn’t see you come in.” 

He folds his towel neatly before stepping toward the cash register. Cute . The gorgeous man blinks up at Bokuto expectantly. 

“What can I get you today?” he asks.

Bokuto snaps his mouth closed. A shiver ripples up his whole body. He’s speaking to him. 

“Um!” Bokuto squeaks and oh god he’s squeaking. “Hi!” 

Hi? There’s an actual angel standing right in front of him and all Bokuto can think of to say is hi? Goddammit, what the hell is wrong with him? The cashier blinks like Bokuto has surprised him, but then his expression softens into a warm smile. 

“Hello,” he returns, sweet and shy. 

That’s it. Bokuto is done for. He’s found him, this is his future husband right here. Bokuto is certain of it. Bokuto glances down at the name tag pinned to the strap of his cute little apron: Akaashi. Akaashi. Nice to meet you, Akaashi. Bokuto can’t wait to spend the rest of his life with him. He’s going to wake up every morning drinking the sight of his beautiful face; he’ll hear the sweet tenor of his voice saying hello over and over again. Bokuto’s belly is alive with electric butterflies, skittering through his skin and shooting sparks through his fingertips. His grin is too big and undoubtedly dopey-looking. 

“Um,” Akaashi says. There’s a faint flush to his cheeks. “Did you need something?” 

Huh? Oh fuck! Bokuto shakes himself, trying to snap out of it. 

“Coffee!” Bokuto blurts out. “I— I came to get coffee!” 

Akaashi has a strange little smile tugging on his lips. He peeks up at Bokuto through the thick line of his lashes. 

“Well, I would certainly hope that’s what you came for,” he says, in a low voice. 

Wow. Look at him. He’s so perfect. Bokuto is so glad he’s decided to marry him. He fidgets with the strap of his gym bag, nervously shuffling his feet. 

“I— I’ve never been here before,” he admits. He forces himself to look away from Akaashi with great effort, gaze darting up to the black chalkboard menu hanging above their heads. “I— um.”

God, there are so many words written up there. Bokuto is not an excellent reader to begin with and the handwriting isn’t exactly excellent. He squints, mouthing along as he tries to decipher it. 

“Better hurry up,” Akaashi says, voice rich with amusement. He folds his arms over the POS system and rests his chin atop his wrists. “I have quite the line.” 

Bokuto jolts. He whips his head around but the place is entirely empty. Line? What line? Akaashi makes a strangled sound. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, bashfully. He slinks off of the POS system and looks away. “I was— I was just kidding. I think the storm has driven everyone else off.” 

Bokuto swivels back around to stare at him. He narrows his eyes suspiciously. And then promptly bursts into laughter. His duffle bag scrapes the floor as he doubles over. 

“You’re funny, Akashi!” he cries. 

Akaashi clears his throat. “It’s Akaashi.” 

Shit. Bokuto better get this right; it’s going to be his last name someday after all. He furrows his brow and puffs out his chest as he concentrates. 

“Ah-kaa-shee,” he says, drawing out each syllable. 

Akaashi smiles sweetly. “Very good.” 

Bokuto’s belly flutters with his praise. Akaashi looks down, lips pursing strangely and fiddling with his fingers. A nervous habit? Bokuto wonders. That doesn’t seem right. Surely Akaashi is too gorgeous to ever be nervous about anything. Bokuto is certain he has everyone fawning over him, catering to his every whim, and bending over backwards to catch the barest hint of his smile. That’s the only rational reaction to such a serene, untouchable beauty like Akaashi. He should never have a reason to be nervous. Bokuto wishes he could reach across the counter and soothe his fidgeting hands. 

“Did you need recommendations?” Akaashi prods. 

Fuck, right coffee! Bokuto doesn’t know the first thing about ordering coffee. What does Kuroo get when he orders? Bokuto is drawing a blank. 

“I… yes!” he manages. “I want… I want whatever you think is best!” 

Akaashi’s eyes glitter with interest. The corner of his mouth twitches upward like he’s fighting back a smile. 

“Whatever I think is best, hm?” Akaashi repeats, something warm and syrupy laced in his tone. “That’s quite a lot of power you’ve just given me.”

“I trust you!” Bokuto says, clasping his hands into fists and pumping them. “You’re the coffee expert!” 

How does Akaashi’s face get prettier when he flushes? When Bokuto blushes he becomes an unattractive beet-red. Akaashi, however, is somehow soft and delicate with color flooding his cheeks. Like rose petals or champagne. Akaashi moves over to the coffee machine, chewing on his bottom lip. 

“Can I get a name for the order?” Akaashi asks. 

“Oh!” Bokuto jumps. “I’m Bokuto! Bokuto Koutarou!” 

Akaashi smiles and Bokuto’s heart leaps in his chest. If Bokuto didn’t know any better he’d think the troublesome organ was trying to escape his ribcage and fling itself at Akaashi directly.  

“Okay, Bokuto-san,” he says. “I’ll make you my favorite.” 

His favorite . Bokuto has to know what it is. What sort of partner doesn’t know their husband’s coffee order? Bokuto drops his duffle bag over on the table closest to the countertop and then hurries back to watch Akaashi work. Akaashi glances over at him, his flush deepening. 

“Wh-what brings you out in this weather, Bokuto-san?” he asks. 

Stammering? Is Akaashi actually the shy type? But he’d been so bold with his teasing earlier! What an enigma. Bokuto wants to know every single thing about him. He wants to crack open Akaashi’s brain and explore every nook and cranny. And then delve into his heart and wedge himself in there somehow while he’s at it. 

“I work at the gym across the street!” Bokuto exclaims. “I— I didn’t wanna jog home in the weather.” 

Akaashi hums like he understands. He flips on a switch and steam billows out of the fancy espresso machine. 

“I’m surprised I haven’t seen you before then,” he says.

“I've always been meaning to stop by! I love coffee!” Lying, lying, he’s such a liar, what is he doing?! “The owls on the front outside are so cute!” 

Well at least that last one is true. Akaashi’s smile makes the dubious morality of his falsehoods seem insignificant. 

“Me too,” he admits, almost sounding bashful. “Both coffee and the owls.”

“Really?” Bokuto says, breathlessly. 

Akaashi clears his throat. The tips of his ears are pink.

“Yeah. They’re cute,” he says. He flashes him a soft smile. 

You’re cute , Bokuto opens his mouth to say it, but wait, is that coming on too strong? These kinds of things should be handled with care, shouldn’t they? Fuck, Bokuto should have listened more when Kuroo was bragging about his ‘rizz.’ It suddenly feels like he’s been thrust into a test he hadn’t bothered to study for. 

“They’re super cute,” Bokuto agrees, eager to please him. Fuck, fuck, fuck, okay what else can he say? Say something charming, clever even. Something that’s sure to impress him. “They’re statistically the cutest animal.” 

Akaashi makes a soft sound of surprise. It takes Bokuto a second to realize it had been a laugh. Akaashi shoots him a grin, eyebrows tilted up like he can’t quite believe it. 

“Statistically?” he repeats, amusement evident in his tone. 

“It’s a fact,” Bokuto continues. He holds up one finger as he speaks. “One, they have big eyes, which everyone knows makes animals cute. Two, they’re fluffy and soft, which is very cute. Third—” 

“Those… aren’t statistics. Bokuto-san,” Akaashi interrupts, squinting his eyes at him skeptically. Bokuto’s heart pounds. His mouth is dry as sandpaper in the blink of an eye. 

“They aren’t?” Bokuto asks.  

Akaashi’s mouth twists in amusement. 

“I think you have the word confused,” Akaashi explains, gently. He stirs cream into the coffee with elegant flicks of his wrist. “Statistics require gathering data and taking practical measurements. I’m afraid that something as subjective as ‘cuteness’ would be extremely difficult to take any statistics on.” 

Bokuto blinks three times. He gasps suddenly. 

“And you’re smart too?!” he cries, clutching at the silvery spikes of his hair. He shakes his head, disbelieving “Oh wow! Wow, Akaashi! You’re—"

Bokuto struggles to find the right thing to say. It ends up being the only thing that’s been on his mind since he first set eyes on him. 

“You’re perfect!” Bokuto blurts out. 

Akaashi rocks back on his heels like Bokuto physically struck him. He makes some kind of noise— not unlike a repressed squeal— and his mouth squirms into an uncomfortable line. He looks away, tucking his face into his elbow, the back of his neck flushing a deep red. 

“I— I wouldn’t—” he struggles. He clears his throat and braces himself on the counter. “No one is perfect, Bokuto-san.” 

So cute. So earnest and so effortlessly charming. He’s doing a terrible job of convincing Bokuto that he isn’t perfect right about now. Bokuto laughs. 

“How can you say that?!” Bokuto cries. “You’re funny, you’re smart! And you’re beautiful too! You’re like the perfect guy!” 

Akaashi pushes his glasses up his nose, shooting him a stern look. 

“Is that all it takes to be the perfect guy, Bokuto-san?” he asks, dryly. Bokuto puffs out his cheeks in defiance, placing his hands on his hips. 

“Well it’s a pretty good start!” he protests. 

Akaashi’s breath hitches. He chokes. He covers his mouth with his hand, and his body heaves. It takes Bokuto a few seconds to realize it but he’s— he’s laughing! Bokuto is alive with glorious triumph. He’s definitely doing something right if he’s managed to make Akaashi laugh like this. Full-bellied and breathless, pink with his giggling. Akaashi looks back up at him and clears his throat, trying to compose himself as he smooths down his apron nervously. 

“I…” he says, still breathing hard. “I suppose you have a point there.” 

Bokuto preens. 

“I’m pretty smart too, huh?” he boasts. 

Akaashi looks amused for some reason. His eyes are sapphire blue, Bokuto realizes then, as they dance with delight. Wow. Bokuto really has hit the jackpot. Akaashi scans Bokuto’s body quickly and turns back to his work. He sprays whipped cream on top of the coffee and peppers chocolatey powder on top. 

“You’re also very funny,” Akaashi says, in a low voice. He then places the white mug on a little white dish and hands it to him. Their fingers brush as Bokuto takes it and tingles race up his spine at the contact. Akaashi swallows, looking at the floor shyly. 

“And… and the third thing too,” Akaashi says, giving him another once over. 

Bokuto takes eight full seconds to process what he’s just said. Partially because he’s still reeling from their fingers touching, but mostly because Akaashi looks so hopeful, so expectant and just so beautiful that it knocks the wind out of Bokuto entirely. He wonders what colors Akaashi would like for their wedding. Bokuto has always been partial to gold and pale pink personally. Bokuto thinks a spring ceremony would be best. Akaashi would look so lovely with cherry blossoms swirling around him, maybe a few catching in his inky curls. And then it would be like every year the earth was celebrating their anniversary with them. He’s going to have to ask for his ring size. Is Akaashi’s family the traditional type? He’d better ask. Also, what is Akaashi’s given name? He can’t very well call him ‘Akaashi’ if they’re both about to be Akaashis soon enough here. Bokuto stands there, dazed and still holding the mug of coffee, smiling like an idiot. 

“Okay,” Akaashi says, a strangely wheezy quality to his voice. “Well. I’m sorry. I thought—” 

Sorry? Everything Akaashi’s just said hits him like a sharp slap to the face. Bokuto gasps and the coffee drops out of his hands, smashing to pieces on the floor. Akaashi jumps. 

“You’re! You just! Beautiful! The third thing is beautiful!” Bokuto shouts. He jumps from foot to foot in his excitement, clutching his face. “Oh! Oh wow! Really? Me?”

“Bokuto-san!” Akaashi cries. “Stop! There’s broken glass!” 

“We’re perfect!” Bokuto cries, only half-listening. “Oh my god— Akaashi! You and me! We’re perfect!” 

“Please don’t hurt yourself!” Akaashi is shouting. “Stay still!” 

Bokuto freezes with great difficulty, hands still raised and shoulders crowded to his ears. But he has to obey. Wasn’t one of the marriage vows something about obedience? Bokuto frowns as he struggles to remember. He can’t help wiggling his shoulders in a little happy dance as Akaashi drags over a trash can and a mop. 

“Akaashi, let me help you with that,” Bokuto insists. 

Akaashi gives him a withering look. 

“I can’t very well let a customer clean up,” Akaashi says. 

“But it’s my fault!” Bokuto protests, stooping down to help him pick up glass pieces very carefully. Akaashi sighs. 

“Please don’t cut yourself,” Akaashi says, but allows Bokuto to help him. They pick up the shattered ceramic piece by piece with careful hands. Akaashi’s long, elegant fingers seem like they were born for the task and Bokuto can’t help but admire it. 

“Sorry for making a mess,” Bokuto says, softly. 

Akaashi hums. His mouth twitches. 

“Well,” he says. “I suppose no one is perfect after all.” 

Bokuto jolts in surprise. And then promptly laughs. 

“Akaaaaashi!” he cries. “Are you teasing me?” 

Akaashi looks up at him, grinning mischievously, and for a brief moment Bokuto sees it all. Everything flashes through his mind’s eye in less than a second: their fingers brushing in the popcorn bowl during their movie date, Akaashi carrying around a giant plushie Bokuto wins for him at the carnival, splitting one milkshake with two straws, a road trip to the beach where Akaashi wears a floppy sun-hat as they watch the sunset, Akaashi in a tux with dreamy look on his face as flower-petals swirl in the air around him. They’ll buy a house, Bokuto is thinking two kids--maybe more if Akaashi thinks they can handle it-- and lastly he sees Akaashi’s face, wrinkled with smile lines and soft with age, but still just so beautiful. Because this is it. This is him. 

“I might be,” Akaashi admits. “Is that okay?” 

Delight bubbles inside Bokuto, too pure and potent to contain. It comes bursting out of Bokuto in all-too happy giggles. 

“Tell you what,” Bokuto says. “Go out with me, and you can tease me all you want.” 

Akaashi’s lips spread into a slow, sweet grin. And Bokuto knows it’s the perfect way to start their forever. 

[sharonisthebettercarter]

I get it now! It's the Yzma archetype!

Billy Butcher and Gerard Argent are both Yzma but way less fashionable!

LMAO~! TRUUUUUUE--.

guessing homie would be vibing with kuzco<3 at least somewhat?? WISH he could 100%, illusion of spoiled life covering up the abuse and torture he went through not quite as fun as actual spoiled life. BUTT<3

allison/chris and hughie GOTTA be kronk~<3<3<3!

and gerard def has that 'scary beyond all reason' but still totally fuckable~<3 vibe down pact! but i'd throw in kate too<3 although arguably? less fuckable. she's beautiful and scary but id' be so afraid to get lit on fire after--

billy's def got them 'and' kinda threats goin' for him~<3

hughie: uhhh... don't you mean 'or'??

billy, as he murders someone: nope~<3!

goddammit where's pacha when ya need him--!!

full disclosure? i'd be down for a crack fic idea where homelander does play the kuzco part and gets turned human/into a llama (LMAO preferably the llama) by billy, while billy is trying to kill him the whole damn time with his dumb good guy minion hughie~<3, and it humbles homie so he eventually gets a lil better<3 and manages to make a frein<3 (maybe) and gets his powers back/turns back from a llama, and turns billy into an adorable kitten<3

which he keeps<3<3<3

bonus points for cat boi billy boo after the fact who may or may not have learned his lesson too<3<3<3! he's always BEST as a tsun tsun bean<3

ugh yzma x kuzco was not a ship i ever pictured myself conceptualizing but that is basically butchlander and here we are--

[ohanny]

another friday, another cutie pie episode! so here are my thoughts while watching the second episode:

kuea is absolutely not me because i would never check my email first thing in the morning, notifs be damned

also even if i did get good news, i would not have the energy to throw a full "blackpink in your area" on top of my bed

kuea: oh yes, i am a bit... sore lian: ¬‿¬

ugh, why can't you just talk to this man who just happens to be a supportive, relatively mentally stable, functioning adult who dresses nice, cooks you food, pulls out your chair and YOU ACT LIKE THE RETURNING HIDE AND SEEK CHAMPION OF 2022

lian: if you need help, you can always tell me me: IF ONLY

nonetheless, i've had a boyfriend for a decade and i feel as single as the last crushed pringle at the bottom of the tube of doom when zee looks at nunew

kuea, a lying liar who lies: kon diao texted me lian: i love you me: KUEA DO YOU FEEL EVEN A LIL BAD???

i love the mission impossible theme tune

nong diao squared ready to cover up crimes

yi can smell bullshit a mile away but unfortunately for him, he's also a weak victorian bitch who gets flustered by a cheek touch from a twink he (alledgedly) fucked in his car just last week

JUST SHOW ME PERTH YOU COWARDS chapter 2

diao is a good friend with a good brain cell. we all need a diao.

kuea: i have a lot to think about. me: you also have a lo to TALK about goddammit

meanwhile poor lian is just trying to plan his barbie dream wedding, oh dear

yi is here to be the best man but also to watch the world burn.

kon diao loves lists. kon diao is me.

the world does not deserve diao. this show certainly doesnt. if he was running it, again, it would be 5 minutes long. well, maybe 15. he would keep all the spicy bits.

this beauty clinic is totally not the sponsor of this series.

the totally not sponsoring intensifies

"how do i look?" EXACTLY THE SAME AS YOU DID 30 SECONDS AGO YOU BABY SKINNED MOCHI OF PERFECTION

i will never not mishear this as "cosmic-exo entertainment" and i am not sorry

uh-oh, their barbie dream weddings are NOT the same

lsakjfkasljfafj a nuer x syn intermission! and nuer has a less questionable shirt on!

you two (ಥ﹏ಥ)

but props to syn never hiding his intentions and props to nuer respecting his choices even if they make him a sad boy. SOME PEOPLE could never

hia yi is eternal suffering personified even at a cake tasting and quickly becoming my favourite.

foei: oh is it too crowded? do we need more room? the gays: *offended*

salaldkjf i am catching vibes. pls tell me they will grey's anatomy this and diao and yi will end up getting married in the barbie dream wedding horror show while kuea and lian elope in korea

"you can make the final decision" says lian, not having any idea they like the polar opposite things.

he is a smooth bastard though. "ah yes, my favourite wedding singer will be too busy being my husband"

"oh no, how will our suits match if we cannot see them?" you dumbo, you have kon diao, the wedding planner extraordinaire. he has a list for that.

diao has been calling out bullshit since birth at this point.

yi: ah yes, they are so compatible. diao: dude, they can't agree on anything. yi: which is not my problem.

yi really be like "pfffft, let them talk it out between them" as if we have time to be here for the next ten years. he really couldn't give less fucks, lol

DIAO LEGIT IS LIKE IZZIE PLANNING MERDER'S WEDDING

how can he answer cosmic-exo in that suit. go change.

oh, the straights are at it again

lian: thank you yi: oh, you already picked a suit? lian: yes yi: wow, i am so helpful. you are blessed to have me tolerate you.

i love how nunew's voice gets so much deeper when he switches to english

IF ONLY YOU WERE THAT EXCITED ABOUT YOUR OWN WEDDING

kuea: what should i do? me screaming at my tv: TALK TO YOUR MAN

diao is seriously like baby yoda and syn doesn't need to become a monk. he just needs to hang out with diao more for some deep wisdom and then keep living in sin.

nuer is a sweet understanding angel and syn is a pouty baby and i could watch these two forever

"it's our wedding, not just mine." except you have NO IDEA you're not getting your wedding but an industrial scale keerati legacy production

yi: see? they're totally on the same page diao: ...

who is this random laxatives lady and why does she look like she's about to place a curse on kuea?

lian: you pick kuea: i am fine with everything narrator: he was not, in fact, fine with anything

diao turn of the tap for fucks sake, it is very obvious you are not paying your own bills in this economy

diao: my dog is so smart yi: your dog is literally an idiot

oh god here we have hia yi talk about marriage and kasdjflkafj they might kiss and i can't believe i am about to say this but at this point diao needs to worry about me cooking that cockblocking dog :D

WE HAVE A STAIRCASE WITH A HAND RAIL? IN A BL?!?!?!

lian: *trying* kuea: cosmic-exo is calling, byeee

look at his sad eyes, he KNOWS

"why am i talking to a doll?" BECAUSE IT IS MORE LIKELY TO HAVE AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION WITH YOU. you deserve better, boo.

lian: aren't you kirin already kuea: but i could be cosmic-exo kirin in korea. lian: okay. kuea: ... wait what?

OH FUCK SCREW THE WEDDING WAS THAT PERTH I JUST SAW?!?!?!?

[storiesofsvu]

Alright. It’s Thursday let’s see how tonight goes…

Weird opening that’s for sure

That blue suit on mechad is fucking gorgeous

Wtf is happening?!!!!?? Is this gonna be one of those twisty episodes? We’re only halfway through…

YES! SAM! Give her more screen time PLEASE

The like, main thing here would be finding the dancer, yes?

The lawyers have a good point with this recording, but it’s all speculation at this point…

I KNOW I know this defence attorney from somewhere… hold pls while I try to figure it out lol

Goddammit it’s not on imdb yet…

Okay so defence found the witness and honestly that just made everything way more complicated. YES, he killed the guy in (self) defence/trying to help/save the girl, BUT he’s still a racist pos who strangled the guy for three minutes after he stopped breathing. Also what was going on with the vic on the train? Cause he defs seemed out of it…

Ohhkay, an asthma attack, that makes sense. Reaching for the inhaler. Got it

Okay, y’all I’m sold on the new DA guy who came from scandal.

What is it with cop shows having very racist/sexist people/witnesses and choosing to send in their poc/women to figure details out.

OOHHH WE LOVE A GOOD UC STORYLINE! IS THIS GONNA BE A MULTI EP ARC?! A CROSSOVER?! (I know im clowning over a crossover, you don’t need to tell me)

That was a really good ep tbh.

*

Okay we all know I’m ignoring TO.

If anyone has any good ideas for a relatively affordable vacation over July/august that wouldn’t be too fucking hot, pls lmk.

*

Svu time!

Woof talk about a dark open

Also… it’s giving little mermaid…. The whole hazy can’t see her but she’s rescuing him and keeping him safe??

…pants around the ankles? Okay wait so something else happened in there?

WHERE! IS! VELASCO!

FFS

“EVERYONE IS ON MANDATORY OT” REALLY?! I REPEAT WHAT I JUST SAID!!

If they’re gonna be fucking rotating cast members, they should be rotating the ones who aren’t officially part of the squad. Curry was on last week, she should be gone this week.

Oh it was a man in the little mermaid vibes, my bad lol

….at least bruno’s here..

Okay… this girl’s apartment layout is the same as olivia’s (old?) one? (the one where noah was a toddler and up on the counter stealing cookies..) they really all about reusing sets aren’t they? Yet they make olivia’s apt completely different each ep…

Also I lowkey love all the fairy lights and art she’s got up, she’s made this place super cozy and calming and I dig it. Like I legit want that little tree with the fairy lights she has… catch me on amazon later.

Okay but like, if you were beat that bad and fighting for your life, there’s definitely a chance of hallucinating someone..

Bruno can yell at me any day…. Just sayin.

Why cant the girl with agoraphobia just fucking zoom/face time into the trial??? Like, they did that shit for younger witnesses/victims, for people already in prison/stuck in hospitals and that was all BEFORE covid…. I get that this is some kind of progress for her/olivia and more building for liv but it’s stupid…

Shout out to liv for making her office a complete safe space with the blinds drawn and candles and shit. Cute.

Okay that was an okay episode, we’re getting there slowly. I just wish we would go back to court for once. I miss my defence attorneys…

*

Lowkey hate this flashback, ngl.

 Okay…I NEED to know how old joe stabler is supposed to be. Cause the actor’s age isn’t listed on wiki/imdb, but there’s a couple pages/articles that say he’s super late 40’s, early 50’s but he could pass for late 30’s so im SO confused lol.

Ahh… okay. Glad the drugs are his and not eli’s lol

Ugh I love bell so fucking much

I really hope Bobby’s leave was written in cause the actor had another offer that he wanted to take and not one that screwed him over.

Yaaasss cragen with the distraction save!

“I thought it worked…” bruh it sure did lol

God I miss cragen’s sass and quips. Im super glad he’s open to guest star

Bell being a complete bad ass like always. Yaaas queen

Speaking of bad ass women… nicely done chief…

Oh fuck….

Okay, well that was a decent night of l&o tonight!

[fractualized]

Well, whatever the fuck is going on in Zdarsky's Batman right now doesn't make me feel great about the eventual reveal for the Jokers in The Man Who Stopped Laughing, but I enjoyed TMWSL #8 today and I'm going to focus on that and not how very fucking over the multiverse I am.

As always, spoilers for TMWSL ahead!

As much as I enjoyed last issue, I'm happy to catch up with who I still think of as Protagonist Joker. He's got that sad, half-dead underdog appeal! And he has a half-dead friend!

Grundyjokes lives!

They don’t have to be this cute. Why are they so cute in their weird little subterranean friendship.

You may remember, however, that the Joker in Los Angeles is, uh, not making friends.

Real original commentary, lady!

How much people across the country (or the world or the galaxy) are familiar with DC's heroes and villains changes depending on the needs of the story, but I think I prefer a world where their notoriety is more localized just for opportunities like this. lol

And so does Joker, who takes the opportunity to stab Manhunter and escape, before we’re back in the Gotham sewers with another Gotham creature, Killer Croc.

>:[ Joker, you're not gonna make more friends like this.

As Protagonist Joker antagonizes Waylon, LA Joker is desperately trying to not be in LA.

I thought the door lock was a funny beat, and then this happens.

Hee, classic.

Just when I think Mr. Waffles will finally come to the rescue...

Oh, perhaps Killer Moth is a friend? But this issue is cutting back and forth pretty often, and we’re back with a different Killer on the hunt.

Oh. Oh, that poor utility worker.

Just burning up to nothing behind Joker, who is still wearing the same damn underwear. But at least a lot of his hair is back!

Well, I certainly hope both of you aren't the result of another comic's multiversal nonsense that sure seems to be undermining your villain origin story in favor of making you more of a plot device than the character I enjoy BUT I SAID WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT

Anyway, Protagonist Joker passes out, leaving his fate for the next issue, and it's back to the west coast.

Though just when you think Killer Moth flew across the country to help Joker for some reason...

Oh, of course he's here for revenge. That makes more sense.

Moth, you have to know you're gonna regret this.

Hey, speaking of Jason!

That boy sure loves his Austen and Shakespeare and treatises on how violence is a tool exploited by the state.

A strange figure appears!

I'm not sure if more is happening here than a visual signal or what, but Tiffany is actually Barbara.

I'm going to assume it's Steph on the other end of the line just because of her previous appearance, and going by Barbara's last remark, I'm also wondering if this help for Jason is without Bruce's knowledge, but time will tell!

And then it's back to Los Angeles, and... ugh... the answer to why Mr. Waffles didn't come to Joker's rescue..

But Joker said "almost!" Waffles can recover!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO goddammit, I shouldn't have gotten attached. Buuuut maybe there’ll be a gag next time about how he’s barely hanging on??

... Also I wouldn’t hate it if Joker dragged poor Waffles around Weekend-at-Bernie's style.

Sigh. Alright. Onto the backer. Francavilla is back for the art! Hooray!

Joker's an especially sad clown in this one! And he's sick of all the fighting, so he comes up with an invention.

Of course Joker’s not gonna try out being good. Can’t you make out his badge?

The fact that the victim's head merely goes POP. I can't.

And the device works in the air! It works in the sea!

They had to put the "Superman created by" credit at the start of this story just so we could see Clark's head get obliterated.

I really try not to post too many full pages but lol these chyrons

Naturally, after Randolph Joker decides to go all-out with his device...

Holy unintended consequences, headless Batman!

Speaking of losing your head, don’t get too many bright ideas, Gaggy...

Joker decides to go with a different career opportunity.

Gotta love a good bookend! And look, it's Two-Face! Also is that a new Gaggy or a continuity error or what am I even saying it doesn’t matter

I'm not sure if the Joker duplicate in this story is his new life as a for-real clown or collectively all the shitty people he enabled... but this stupid @!#$?* mime is as unfulfilled as always, and isn't that what really matters? ✨

[boundless-n-bare]

ugh goddammit i love creating but art is balls sometimes

im working on this one piece that is complex and while it is coming along very nicely ive been stuck on the left foot for days

so im like okay no worries lets take a break and try another project, make it something simple quick and minimal and then after that go back to the complex one, hopefully feeling nice and refreshed from having done the simple one. makes enough sense

so i try that but now im trying to simplify my style and holy shit why is this hard too!? this is the opposite of what i was going for

artmaking can feel so awkward. i keep looking at the complex one thinking "you can do that why can't you just just do a simpler, less detailed version!?" how am i this good and this bad at the same time?

like i have all these ideas i want to get out but im in the middle of this weird artists block 😓

i really want to share one of my projects soon but my brain has just been swiss cheese lately. im really excited to share the complex one but at this rate its going to be months

[apollos-boyfriend]

any last words icarus?

[Intro: Georgenotfound]

Oh, I see it

(Make it 19, baby)

Okay

Mmm, no

No, okay?

I- I don't think that's going to happen

I don't think that's going to happen

(Oh Dream!)

Cool idea

[Chorus]

I just spoke to Tommyinnit

He said, "Give me a goddamn minute"

I said, "Bitch, two posts, one month?"

George, pass me the blunt

I'd pay for the dick, not a fucking manhunt

Georgenotclothed, Clay balls exposed

"Tommy, are we the bad guys?"

Wilbur, sit on my nodes

I only date bad guys with the good halos

(I lost, dude!)

[Verse 1]

Schlatt got stacks, he bought me a 'fit

He said I looked good, so I gave him a kiss

In my maid 'fit, cute as a daisy

Bitches be like

(Help, my pussy's gone crazy!

[Verse 2]

I be in the chat like cjerk

(Ugh)

George on the of, no shirt

Karl wants to send my ass to the moon

So I took a little pic, put that shit on zoom

[Pre-Chorus]

I'll take a pic

Show me the nips

(Oh)

Bitch, I'll take the pic

(Ooh)

Dream laugh like, "eeugh"

Schlatt laughs like, "aha ha ha"

[Chorus]

I just spoke to Tommyinnit

He said, "Give me a goddamn minute"

I said, "Bitch, two posts, one month?"

George, pass me the blunt

I'd pay for the dick, not a fucking manhunt

(Language!)

Georgenotclothed, Clay balls exposed

"Tommy, are we the bad guys?"

Wilbur, sit on my nodes

I only date bad guys with the good halos

(I lost, dude!)

[Verse 3]

I paid Gogy $500

Got me on Skype

(Ugh, poggers)

Sapnap and Dream, you got a room for me?

I got a maid dress, and I'll clean for free

[Outro]

Tubbo cut his hair, anybody see that?

I think it looks good, Tubbo

Stay safe out there, man!

You're awesome

And George, post on your Onlyfans, goddammit

I just want one post

Where you are- are-

You don't even have to be naked

I just want you to-

I just want-

I just want the username to be Georgenotclothed

[who-is-shades]

raz dnd 19

back on track senna asks the guy what happaned. he says 'robot demons' were trying to take them and they still have some scrap left. senna asks him where they are and they took them to the blacksmith. the building got fucked up but were gonna investigate. her and parsley go to check.

as senna looks she finds a damaged broken head. it looks like wheatleys. "parsley, we cant let wheatley see this." parsley pulled out 2 robot body pieces. he fucking just shows them to her wtf. senna says they need to bury these. gonna keep looking for other parts to bury. senna messages teya to keep wheatley distracted.

android and zen have gone around the village to ask questions but uh yeah that isnt going well. SP is playing with a stick. senna and parsley keep looking for robot body parts. teya went eeby deeby for a bit lol. zen says shes still alive its the fucking soul thing again. into the tube!

wheatley decided to go find us and zen follows lol. they managed to find us barely. senna says burial preparation as she moves more rubble. she has her removal in neat file. parsley just puts his pile over there too. wheatley squats beside the head and stares at it then trails the outlines. he then starts helping us sort the rubble, sometimes taking stuff right out of sennas hand to check. zen goes over to the head and picks it up, then god shows up to stare at the bodies too.

double voices! wheatley whips around to watch. zens hands glow yellow and the head unflattens. wheatley is trying to gather similiar parts. zen struggles fixing the body. wheatley is freaking out and trying to get the others to dig faster. the broken bits start repairing themselves. digging up the glowing bits from the rubble. good as new! god cant use more energy cause it would hurt zen. parsley says we could bring the parts to his domain with the tokens? he hadnt thought of that but he'd have to rework the tokens a bit but its not necessary right now. zen tosses down a portal and some bots come out to gather the parts.

parsley asks for zen back so we can collect faster. god shows off and just lifts all the bits out of the rubble and into a pile. parsley throws his hands in the air like wtf. god cant use too much power in zen or it will harm him. wheatley gives him a hug lol. he asks if their safe to bring back. god admits he has no idea and offers to let wheatley watch him repair them. into the portal he goes. zen is freed!

wheatley sees god looking at blueprints. lots of info. its the goddamn lego movie pieces. pieces float and theres enough for 2 robots. not even rusty but their still off. they switch them on their alive! kinda. their not doing anything. they dont respond. the software is lost. 'still a chance to make someone new.' no, their programming is gone. they cant be sentient. god says if he looked at wheatleys programming he might be able to re-create it. he didnt ask before cause its invasive. hes not good with software lol. his robots are made from magic.

wheatley offers his hand. god admits he doesnt know what will happen. it will be unpleasent. very. very. painful. god says hes so advanced hes in awe. he can feel god in his memories ugh. god says it was very informative as he lets him go. he goes to the other bots but stops himself. then starts something else. the bots are moving! 'h-hello?' wheatley is popping off. the bots dont know who they are or whats happening. wheatley tells them they get to pick who they want to be. still confused lol. god say itll take a while lol.

teya is back lol. senna had went to help bury the other people. android is pissed he cant find anyone so has to use the token to find us lol. wheatley and teya pop in and android snaps at them. wheatley decides not to tell android this shit lol. some townsfolk walk over and watch senna burying people, but they spot the robots and hate that and scatter lol. parsley is fucking digging a mass grave in the cemetary goddammit. senna says they have to mass bury them, the survivors cant stay here. android says to just burn the bodies. senna says they usually burn them when their sick. now their talking about how people bury dead people lol.

teya is confused why people bury the dead. android asks teya is burning the bodies is good or bad since she was dead lol. and infected. senna says were not burning them quit asking. parsley finished digging nice. android refuses to help and senna tells them to just keep an eye out for bears or something. senna says the townspeople would be very mad if the robots helped. carrying bodies to the grave do do do. we decide to leave the hole open so the people can do their own funeral. senna says they will have to leave, the town was destroyed. parsley says they could resort to incest if they dont, everyone is like wtf and wheatley slaps him.

we know they took people with them, gotta find where they went. why would he wanna take people. senna takes out her notebook and is taking notes on why they would take people. she says maybe he needs the people for something robots cant do. wheatley says they might be able to trap them by following their footsteps. zen says their might be an outpost of bots. time to rest first, were still hurt.

senna helps zen set up camp but parsley says the townspeople might offer whatever shelter is still left. crowd is around the grave. he comes back cause everyone is sad lol. wheatley asks teya to slap parsley in the head lol. teya smacks him with mage hand lol. senna asks them not to beat each other up tonight since their fighting. parsley takes out some firewood lol. zen is makiing stew :3 wheatley tinkers with SP. senna sleeps right away cause in 4 hours the food will be done. zen asks if android is ok, android is like yeah why? zen is confused then goes back to cooking.

its been 4 hours so senna is out. zen keeps looking at android he looks confused hmm. he wants to speak to him privately oh boy. senna lets them go and asks if wheatley still has that book. hehe book club! SP however demands attention and has senna draw space stuff for them. after a few minutes they come back mumbling stuff. zen is really worried about android what is happening? senna gives them a little wave then resumes drawing.

parsley wakes up groggily, grab a bowl of stew, and retreats to his tent lol. senna tears out the space drawing paper and gives it to SP. the tokens beep level up! wheatley gets an idea and needs 4 hours lol. while wheatley does mad scientist shit senna goes to train. zen is sticking by android and gets scolded for coddling lol. parsley asks senna to train with him. she glances at android a quick second but says yeah sure and goes with parsley.

hand to hand combat! parsley lets her take the first hit. she punches him right in the middle of his chest and sent him pushed back. he flies around and kicks her in the head lol. 'not bad.' senna grabs him out of the air by the ankle and slams him into the ground. (wheatley looks up for a sec then goes back to work) android says hes gonna watch parsley get his ass kicked. he sees parsley flat on the ground now hes happy. parsley is so fucking pissed android is watching.

he pulls his leg back and tries to knock her off balance and he manages to get free. he tries to lunge at her stomach and knock her over. he failed cause she dodged and he hits the ground. she elbow drops him in the back and android is laughing so hard. 'lot of good those wings did ya.' senna tries to help him up and he fucking tries to sweep the legs the fucker. he hurts his leg the dumbass. android is yelling at her to stomp, so she obliges. he managed to roll out of the way. parsley yells at him to go away and senna says her armor slows her down a little.

parsley flies up out of reach and both android and senna call him a coward and that he forfeits. senna catches his foot in air when he tries to kick her. she isnt able to drag him down though but shes still holding him. he punches her in the fuckin nose! her nose bleeds and now she looks just a bit feral. he looks like prey. she still cant drag him down. he escaped dammit but she looks pretty rabid right now. parsley sees a light whiz past him. android shot at him telling him to come down.

senna is so fucking pissed she uses the distraction to acid parsley. android AND teya decide to step in. senna is also shocked she did that oh no. senna manages to get out an apology she isnt sure what happaned. she kneels down and motions for parsley to punch her in the face but he storms off. we hear wheatleys triumph screech in the distance. wheatley is standing over a glowing handaxe! hes trying to look less like himself :( parsley reminds wheatley of teya's hat. "i hadnt thought of that." he looks british xD parsley gives him a thumbs up. zen calls it interesting lol. wheatley says its aesthetically pleasing xD zen says hes only teasing when he half flirted lol.

senna is still in shock and android fucks off. parsley transforms into some dude like wheatley did lol. android sees this and is like wtf. parsley is pretending to be saul goodman. help me. zen gives up the ghost and wheatley is so excited. android says the way he looked at him was creepy lol. senna at this point has gotten quiet and has headed back to camp. she sees the 2 people but ignores them and begins taking down the tents. parsley goes up and introduces himself as saul goodman dammit. teya, invisible, goes wtf. android says saul is wheatley and the other one is parsley HES LYING THE FUCKER.

senna is just like ok and keeps taking down the tent. teya is so confused. wheatley cant handle it and falls over with a loud clang, laughing. teya knows who they are tho cause its obvious lol. SP slowly rolls over to parsley and takes his hand lol. teya is just like wtf are you guys doing. their trying to gaslight teya with a british accent xD teya sees right through it. wheatley tells teya his disguise and teya reminds him of her hat lol.

they decide to fuck with senna. teya is a skeleton now oh no. senna turns around and is so confused. she pulls out her notebook and checks her notes, slowly turns around and says they should be going. wheatley is dying from laughter. he immediately infodumps to her but shes still processing lol. time to go!

we can hear the goose. RUN. except parsley. hes watching the goose get closer. it bites his head lol. hes stuck lol. he finally manages to open the jaw and zen pulls him out. teya and parsley message each other that hes not ok. keep on running! teya yeets a fireball at it to slow it down, bad idea. its already coming back fuck. giant. goose. fuck. IT GRABS WHEATLEY! android shoots it and it crashes. senna drags wheatley away. parsley casts reduce on it. IT RESISTED WTF. it got bigger great its even bigger than parsley.

parsley manages to dodge a bite. cant decipate it dammit. teya asks if anyone has a plan. wheatley says we have capture it. senna says we tried that. the goose goes for senna now but she gets free. stupid goose. wheatley remembers you can use the space cloak to send something to another dimension and tries to pick up the goose and needs us to restrain it. parsley takes out a rope and has teya help him circle it. zen pulls out a big loaf of bread and the goose immediately goes to zen and eats it. it stops and walks away.

everyone is fucking mystified. how did it know we had bread. senna brings wheatley his leg that fell off. everyones just 'fuck these geese.' android says that was stupid.

teya sees senna punching a tree, and also biting her other arm. she whips around and says shes fine. teya is like 'no the fuck you arent.' senna says she just didnt like that goose and insists shes fine. she tucks teya's hair behind her ear and says we should get out of the middle of nowhere. teya insists she tell her stuff when shes upset. senna turns around and heads back.

zen closes his eyes and says he got a message from god. theres important ruins nearby. god wants us to get stuff from there for him. looks more like a big temple. plant architecture. god wants books. wheatley is holding sennas hand aww. parsley and teya find books! books how to worship this god and teachings, but the book is burned a bit. also a book on how to care for plants how the god decided. senna sees the carvings on the wall with fruits and swirling vine patterns around a person. the face is damaged, defamed maybe. the noble ember is engraved into the faces place with blood.

senna comments the noble ember was here. wheatley says we probably wont find anything here. 'we have to try anyway.' android remembers them finally. parsley wonders why they keep hearing that name. wheatley asks why android forgot. senna says his god maybe removed that info. android agrees. parsley and teya are mad being lied too again. 'why would he need you to forget.' android says he might know, but he cant reveal it in case it endangers his god.

zen keeps finding more burnt books. senna is touching the walls and statues and shit. wheatley keeps getting nat 1's. teya is messaging android hmmm. we find a big old tree with no leaves in the wall. holes open in the wall with eyeballs! the tree shakes! its gonna attack! senna barely dodges. roll initiative! wheatley tells SP to go get parsley.

teya used blight on it and did big damage. tree uses wraith storm and makes us frail. wheatley is fine but we failed. teya takes big bludgening damage goddamn. wheatley uses enhance ability on senna. SP gets to parsley and warns him of danger. parsley sees the glowing axe and follows. senna lobs some acid and misses but heals teya some. SP zooms in with parsley! he yeets a handaxe into its face goodjob.

teya once more blights. MASSIVE damage. then hidden step lol. its trying to find and hit teya. fuck how did it hit. shes down fuck. wheatley casts heat metal on the axe parsley left in it. senna uses spare the dying on teya then sanctuary on her too. parsley enters rage and wild surges. a bolt of light comes from his chest but doesnt do much damage, but it does blind it. then he attacks with his sword.

skipping to the tree's turn. slams senna only hits once. wheatley uses aura of vitality on himself and heals teya. senna uses firebolt and the tree is burning and she also heals teya some more. parsley keeps doing bolt of light minor damage lol and keeps it blinded. then he tries to chop its branches.

teya blights once more. she killed it yay! wheatley yells at parsley to give teya a potion and he yells senna is RIGHT there. senna gives her some more healing. senna examines the hole the tree came out of.

theres a chest! senna lets everyone know. wheatley is gonna try and lockpick it open. yay! a bunch of intact books! senna is carefully taking them out and giving them to zen. and theres a circlet. senna says to make sure its not cursed first. android says teya could check it. yep its magical. it has scorching ray as a spell. wheatley doesnt want it. teya takes it pog.

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

Okay, if one has to have Wanda be the evil there are still so many ways to. One of the biggest problem is is how Wanda character just takes such left form where she was at the end of WandaVision with the flimsy corruption excuse seeming tacked on.

A better thing to do would to invoke some more elements of House of M where she's not just trying to grant her own wish but everyone. Have her mindset be "No, see it's different this time. I'm making everyone happy for real." Deep down it really for herself but her offering to bring everyone. Pietro, Natasha and even Donna. Corruption effects her desperateness and want to make others at peace. It can even parallel Stephan's where he learns to accept loss but Wanda can't

OMG you just made me imagine a scene of Wanda reviving Donna in an illusion of sorts and Stephen seeing that and having to tell her not to do it for real or else the multiverse would collapse... goddammit, can somebody write a fanfic for that? 😜😂

Waldron and Raimi admitted they never saw the series, just the post-credit scene, so it makes sense. They never saw all the character development she went through during those eps, so to have her begin the movie as an already-corrupted character is utterly stupid. Maybe if they had shown her fighting against it.... but they didn't even do that.

I like your idea of her trying to bring everyone back and revert things back to pre-IW. They could have also drawn a parallel between her and Stark's "we can only change the last 5 years" bullshit, which could have also tied to Stephen in Titan having to choose one future. That's one thing he could do, show her all those alternative endings where things looked fine at first... only to go awfully bad afterwards. It could serve to flesh him out as well.

Ugh, MoM could have been so good, dammit 🤦‍♀️

[nanamis-bigtie]

So, I watched the RED Movie yesterday. I have very mixed feelings. I'll explain everything under cut since I want to talk about scenes & plot & involved characters.

So far, a short non-spoiler review:

-> if you're not 100% sure you DON'T want to see the movie, don't hesitate and get yourself a ticket, this is one of those made to be enjoyed in cinema, the experience won't be the same at home

-> if you want to see this only to see your blorbo in action...you most likely will be disappointed, unless your blorbo is Koby, Barto or Usopp

-> if Uta's design & everything told about her in promo materials didn't convince you to like her...you most likely will be disappointed too

-> ...actually, you will have much more fun, if you stop treating it as a movie and start to think about it as high budget music video with Ado's pirate-sona. a big animated fanfic with a quirky OC

-> if you can wait, do yourself a favor and watch it AFTER you read this week's chapter, you will thank me 🤭

And now to the juicy meat.

I went to cinema knowing well this is NOT a movie for me. I'm a manga-only fan, I know anime only in bits and RED is my first OP movie ever. The info revealed in campaign didn't make me enthusiastic, especially given how much they push Uta on the pedestal. Frankly, if not for sis who really wanted to see it, I'd not move my ass to cinema.

But I did. And much to my surprise, I did enjoy it lol Wouldn't call it a good movie (maybe it is for OP standards, no idea), but wouldn't call it a waste of time either. Just a fun thing to watch together with a bunch of nerds, so you can make weird noises when your faves show up.

Uta for me was the weakest point of the movie. Not because I find her a bad-written character (I actually like what they made with her but that's later), but because she has like, 0 chemistry with characters on screen. Her relationship with Shanks and Luffy are limited to very short flashbacks and a few scenes with Shanks at the very end. Luffy and Uta interact with each other but I just...didn't get a feeling they're old friends reuniting after years. I mean, compare it to how Luffy reacted to Ace in Alabasta. Everytime Luffy and Uta met, it felt like a staged scene, and given that a majority of movie is played in alter-reality, controlled by Uta's mind, it gives one whole additional layer of that weird, fake feeling.

Following with the weak points: there's a whole lot of characters who do NOTHING. If we cut all the fight scenes but the finale, a good part of the cast has nothing to do. They just...are. Because they're Strawhats/popular characters. But even with those fight scenes... Zoro, one of the most important characters in the serie, got more or less the same screen time as a fucking chibified fursona of a ship. Even Shanks and Luffy, 2 of 3 main pillars of the movie, don't do that much. Really.

Honestly, fight scenes but the last one disappointed me. I'm a simple One Piece simp: I want to see my blorbos flexing muscles in crazy fights. I know this is not the essence of plot, but it's the flavor. One Piece wouldn't be One Piece if it wasn't boiled in broth made of bloody, sweaty tits, goddammit. In RED majority of fight scenes are edited like AMVs. With insane graphic quality, but with the same chaos and level of cuts and edits. Plus Uta being Uta through majority of screen time. Which is...UGH. The way she fights is really interesting! Whenever she does it, the jaw just drops! I wanna see her fighting with that power! Not look at heavily edited idol performance!

Luckily, at some point movie finally chills down and lets the plot breathe. And once it stops being an AMV on speed, it becomes quite interesting. Especially with the way it flashes out those few characters who got something to do. BIG kudos for choosing less obvious ones for pushing the plot motor: Bartolomeo, Koby, Blueno, Usopp (feat. his daddy issues). Koby was the absolute MVP. Holy fuck. I hope this is just a foretaste of what we're going to see in manga.

Fan theories connoisseurs will be over the moon with the number of symbols and wink winks. Not gonna lie, I focused on lyrics on purpose, to avoid sensory overload from those shaking AMVs and was surpirsed how much info is hidden in them. Like one, big teaser for the upcoming events.

I wonder how many connections will be revealed later. The robots from library? Hell, guess what just happened in chapter 1065 👀 They weren't lying that events aren't canon - but lore definitely is.

The animation & music combo is INSANE. Especially when they let Ado sing instead of pushing her to perform as a candy idol girl (the opening song made my skin crawl jesus christ that was horrible). Gods, the more crazy Uta gets, the better songs get and when the music goes low ohhhhh yes, that's the good shit.

NO FANSERVICE. IN ONE PIECE MOVIE? MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THOUGHT! Except for one very toned panties joke and one not-moving panel from the credits there's literally no fanservice. Null. Zero. Nada. And they let female characters fight to their fullest! Nami, Robin and Brulee do in comparison as much as other background characters.

The final is. IS. I swear, it's one of the best directed fights I've seen in One Piece EVER and hello, forget about the non-anime thig, I watched the famous Katakuri vs Snakeman and the Rooftop. The combo of powerful music, smooth animation, characters cooperating in perfectly-balanced yet unexpected teams, the multi layered attack lead by Usopp and Yasopp, Snakeman-Nika fusion & Shanks finish, fuck, I swear, I was shaking.

I hope this is how final fight in OP will look like. A whole team of our faves from various fractions against Im maybe? 👀

Loved how balanced the humor was. Characteristic for One Piece yet, tamed. Nothing too perverted, nothing too gross, everything chaotic as fuck. Love you, Bepo.

But my favorite part is probably the way they handled the conflict and the case of who's a villain. Don't wanna say too much cause imho this is something everyone should interpret according to their own judgement, but liked how they placed the core in the moral dilemma between bringing relief and utopia for the cost of freedom and remaining free but having to face the reality (oh, someone was inspired by The Matrix). Should I run into lie to comfort myself? Is it a wise idea to try and shield someone from consequences of their actions, even if they were not fully conscious? Does one have a right to decide what's good for others?

If not for the BULLSHIT finish, I'd say the second part saved the movie in my eyes. Sadly, it added to a bad aftertaste. Well, at least I have the OST. And soon-to-come shirtless snake gifs.

Overall, not a tragedy, thing more enjoyable than irritating even if you are easily distracted by things you don't like (like me lol), worth spending money and time even if for just watching an AMV on big screen.

And the obligatory traditional number scale: 4/10 as a stand alone movie, 6/10 as a meat for OP fan, 10/10 of Law's hairy leggies my beloved.