#Um. Not diagnosed..
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I have some kinda autism for robots and masked things
#Um. Not diagnosed..#Hopefully its ok to say this#Saying obsession just doesn't quite describe it accurately#What I mean is that I get obsessed over characters from fandoms I don't even like#Like storm troopers. Rd2d. Spiderman (ok I'm into spiderverse so...). Various other superheros with masks#I just like thangs that express themselves via some weird lookin eye thing or whatever does this make sense
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seven whole years after my adhd diagnosis, where the specialist told me that i couldn't possibly be autistic too because i'm ✨capable of empathy✨, i've finally been referred for an autism assessment 🥹
#🙃#i mean. the assessment might be literally years away and might not diagnose me#but yay#the gp was like “um ok yes i think they would diagnose you with autism based on these symptoms”#and that's probably the best thing a gp has ever said to me hahaha#it took me ages to just get this gp appointment and i went in fully prepared to have to fight my corner#i had such an awful time even getting referred for adhd#what a low bar we've set huh. that i'm so impressed with a gp not gaslighting me and actually listening to me
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assuming everything stays as-is right now, i should have my glomas video posted/finished on friday. only a few more days
#so um. i hope youre all somewhat understanding and sorry if i sound ridiculous in the tags#so my mom got diagnosed w cancer last thursday and i spent a few days crying and doing nothing and im now throwing myself back into this#i do not have further info on stages/prognosis#so im just. trying to stop stressing while i wait. make video. be busy#i never want to come across as though im being insensitive or not focusing on what i should. this is helping me right now#i call my mom everyday while i draw the huffy catholic guy. im very excited to finish another big proj since its been a while#idk what ill do afterwards yet but iiiiii truly do need to Keep Drawing rn#sorry to anyone seeing the post like ‘boy oh boy lets see what catríona rambled in the tags!’ only to see THIS. oops 😭
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thinkin abt absolute scatterbrain Wade & very particular little wolvie. like wolvie will play all day out in the mud & sticks but as soon as hes given a super processed food (old little boy) he cries. wade learned that lesson from dino nuggets and heroically made sure they didn’t go to waste (om nom) while wolvie got a carrot or something (sweet treat to him).
another thought. wade tells wolvie to wait for walkies or a book or playing or something, & gives wolvie a guestimate on what time they’ll get around to it. So wolvie plops his butt down in front of a clock (maybe with a roughed up teddy in hand) and waits. the clock tic tic tics past that time wade gave him, and wolvie is confused. he trails after wade, poking and pawing and grumbling at wade, who had genuinely constantly been thinking about what hed promised wolvie but just kept getting distracted. & then they live happily ever after yay yay yippee
#i didnt kno how to end that#lollers#half formed thoughts i needed to get out there somewhere#im not saying hes picky im jus saying he has his ways & he likes to stick to them#honestly projecting on wolvie!! & you cant stop me!!!!#he is a creature that likes eating leaves#but mushy meat is a texture no go#i think when hes big he wouldn’t have as many problems w food tho#okay this is alot of projecting#i get sad when im given stuff out of an airfryer (the witches curse i think) so he will too#um#i dont mean frozen food is bad in general#its just like#it just makes me sad#it has a vibe#so wolvie is a weird stickler like me now muahahahahah#wade needs a diagnosis stat#well okay many diagnoses#agere blog#agere#age re safe space#age regression#marvel agere#fandom agere#agere fandom#caregiver deadpool#deadpool agere#agere wolverine#regressor wolverine#agere thoughts
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I have some kind of savior complex, but not in an 'I can fix them' way, it's more of a 'if I don't try and help this person somehow, they will die because I didn't get involved and that cursed them to a bad fate' way.
#suggestion#actually paranoid#actuallyparanoid#ppd#paranoid personality disorder#paranoia#um. this might be more ocd coded but i'm not sure as i haven't been diagnosed w it#i will tag this with ocd just in case#ocd#obsessive compulsive disorder#paranoia inducing#maybe inducing idk
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the best kind of hcs are the ones you accidentally imply in ur writing and then look at and go. hm. maybe im onto something
#is this abt dyslexic wendell or autistic liv? yes#i rotate them in my mind too much it was bound to happen eventually#also liv is one of the characters i relate to The Most so i um. have been projecting on her a bit#which includes the mental illness#which is not Explicitly autism (bc i haven’t been diagnosed) (i have been peer reviewed though)#but like. close enough#anyway#reese’s pieces
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looking at stuff on EDS and sitting here like
#morgan.pdf#between my PT assuming i was already diagnosed & my friend w vEDS telling me to Look Into That.#and tyen all the shit ive been reading on top of how unstable my joints have been. ummmm. um. guys i thinj i have EDS
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46.1% of my camera roll is sfth btw. Might be time to go back to the autism diagnosis place and demand a recount idk.
#Sfthposting#I mean technically she said “I can’t legally diagnose you because you make eye contact and can hold a conversation. But… Keep an eye out”#So.#Anyway big thank you to the percentage calculator app#measuring my insanity 😌#Anyway#um#:)))
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How are you a virgin lol
sex so scary I'll kill myself
#not even joking#like I'm supposed to let someone see me VULNERABLE???#IN PERSON?????#i can't even think about being kissed irl without wanting to like start howling like I've been shot#like it's been about 10 years FOR A REASON#I'm scared of intimacy now!!#also um other reasons lol#self diagnosed catholic for a reason I'm soooo guilty i am filled with shame!!!
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me: I'm burnt out on TMNT:HME
also me: *the visceral need to explain stuff about myself through Leo rn*
#specifically about religon plus the uhhh#the mental health thing that i dont wanna name#not because im like-#like again i hesitate to diagnose#um#but i CAN discuss the symptoms and how the religous trauma made em go br#me: wow I am a good christian I pray every night#my brain: * doing it out of fear*
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Giant explosion comes out of no where behind you. You turn around. You can't see, there's so much dust everywhere. But once the dust clears you see me, standing there, half-covered in ash and soot
And I say
I'm self diagnosing myself with HPD, ASPD, OCD/OCPD, and CPTSD and you can't stop me >:3
And then I run away like a little freak
#💫#VERY VERY SILLY POST#however um uh uhhh yeah hi :>#also technically self diagnosed with depression bc I've never gotten prof diagnosed for it before#but like. stares at Everything about my life. and especially stares at rw Kel. uh#starfilled.txt
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Ugh.
Anyway do you want to see what is probably my alter. That I made in picrew last night.
#gnashing of teeth#cant get diagnosed but like#Um yeah a lot of dissociative disorder stuff um. Hits close to home
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43 and 49 👀👀
43. Title of a book you own that's in the worst physical condition you have. Explain what happened to it. Post a picture if you want.
WHAT A GOOD QUESTION!!!! It's definitely A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein because that book is 30 years old and I brought it to school with me every day for a YEAR and the cover got ripped in my backpack so one of the student aids in my classroom helped me tape it back together. That's the only book that's in any bad condition, because otherwise I've always taken pretty good care of books? My copy of Addie Larue has a tear in the jacket because I tried to peel one of the stupid marketing stickers off. Idk! I'm gentle with my books! Sorry this isn't more interesting!
49. Do you prefer hopeful, humorous, very emotional or darker books?
It's all about the Current Mood, babbeeey. According to storygraph though I tend to read "mysterious dark and adventurous" books lol which. Isn't WRONG but doesn't really sound right.
Ask game!
#ezra gets a letter#bigcats-birds-and-books#typing out the shel silverstein thing.........that was third grade......#i think the only other third graders i knew who crried around their favorite book while also being able to quote its entirety were um.#also autistic. third grade was before i was diagnosed#momther..........how did you not see it...........#storygraph also says i read books with less than 300 pages???????#when i KNOW i tend to look for books in the three to five hundred range#thats just a good sized book to me#maybe its because of all the manga in my list?#that could be throwing it off?????#i KNOW i havent read that many novellas lol#oh animorphs would do it too huh#i should finish that#ask games
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Endo and I are toxic yuri btw. Good night
#as diagnosed by oxy#oxy and I legit tied our wb s/i’s backstories together it’s crazy (we occasionally dump ume and togame to make out w each other)#danyl talks#oxy give me a ref sheet or smt for the looks ill make fanart for us (ill get back to the fursona next week too I didn’t forget abt it)
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people: why are you so tense?
me: bc if im going to perform quickly and efficiently and be able to respond to surprise interactions and questions, i need to be ready or else it'll take me some time to adjust and people are not forgiving of me taking my time
people: just relax, nothing's even happening. it's easy. it's not that deep...
me: ok. ill try.
(later)
people: oh hey what do you think about xyz and what should i do with it?
me *relaxed and cooking very slowly*: um... i think that... it could be a good...um. a good...i'm trying to remember the word... sorry its not. it's like a possible... an. option. it's a good option.. hold on... where's the knives and what ingredients should i use... um. (ok relax just stop and think and breathe) *exhales to stay relaxed and release tension*
people: why are you so fucking slow! its so annoying talking to you and it's always sigh sigh sigh! that's all i hear from you. are you dense? are you like autistic or something? what -- do you think i'm the one being annoying?!
#autism#adhd#audhd#im only diagnosed with one but. theres overlaps in burnouts and masking and having trouble with your mouth being able to keep up with your#brain or vice versa#can focus on my one task and thats it. any other stimuli im thrown off#which is so. frustrating. i have things to do and im struggling enough without people hating me for it#THE VERY PEOPLE WHO START OUT CRITICISING what i do in order to keep up and seem SOMEWHAT 'normal'#and saying to relax ! just do your best! jeez stop being so hard on yourself!#um..... i wouldn't give myself stomach pain from the tension in order to stay focused for eight hours straight if it were up to me#now though#ofc i just. stopped. bc i decided to prioritize my health and self esteem amd say idc ill live with the consequences. but that doesn't make#it painless to finally decide to trust people who encourage you who turn around and hate you for doing what IS Your Best
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#ok i promise it isn't hypochondria but something is fucked up.#like im hoping its some sort of vitamin deficiency and when i get my blood test results back then i will als be given a easy solution#but unfortunately the far more likely answer is that ye this is all the things i think it is.#which im not thinking tumour or organ failure or anything extreme.#im thinking insensitivities and hypermobility and other common comorbidities with pre-existing diagnoses#the problem is the years it takes to get a doctor to take me seriously and rule out everything else before they admit i could be right etc#and then also that things can get worse in the meantime and that there arent always effective or accessible treatment/ management options#like everything aches every day and im so worn out#and im not even feeling especially pessimistic right now. im just in pain.#but also like the trauma in me wants to gaslight myself into believing its not that bad and maybe its even all imagined. yeh ik. fucked up.#anyways. worst case i go back to over using .v ali um. bc at least if im asleep then I'm not in pain.#fingers crossed a doctor takes me seriously before i have to resort to that#but pls assure me that im not being paranoid and a hyperchondriac.#like i can list a dozen very real symptoms.
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