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i want to headcanon the mtt having absolutely terrible hygiene and struggling to keep themselves clean (this MAY... just QUITE POSSIBLY.... only in the SLIGHTEST bit be projection) but i think it would be too gross and man EVEN I dont wanna think about that
also killer canonically smells good and i actually really LIKE that idea so oh shit there goes that idea out the window. horror and dust youre my only hope please let me make you smell bad for reasons you won't understand
#also i dont think i. just got a sense of dejavu wtf. anyways#i dont think im THAT bad at maintaining my hygiene..... like i dont bed rot for months which isn't good by any means#but if i havent reached that point of bad hygieneness then i dont think i should be talking about this topic#sure i may uhhh may struggle to brush my teeth and shower multiple times a week but like. ngl it's not that bad#i am NORMAL okay THIS IS NORMAL. people struggle with this stuff all the time everyday i dont need to be making a whole post on this topic#i wish that the capital i in this app looked different. because when i wanna emphasize I it just looks normal#i type like how i speak has it not become glaringly obvious yet. so it boggles and bothers me when i cant emphasize i like i can irl#the laundry piles in dusts room are probably unfathomably tall he just throws it all into one corner (HES JUST LIKE ME FR!!! I DO TJIS!!!!!)#all the water in horrortale has turned toxic and polluted and bad so horror's only option is to not shower or shower in dirty water#he chooses the former because what if that water has monster dust sprinkled in it. his paranoia wont let him shower in dust infused water#TRIGLYCERCULE GET YOUR FUCKING LIFE TOGETHER INSTEAD OF THINKING AND PROJECTING ONTO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. SCHOOL STARTS IN 3 DAYS.#I KNOW I KNOW IM SORRY.... IM SORRY OKAY I KNOW!!! I KNOW THIS IS BAD!!! I WILL TRY!!!!!!#anyways back to projecting. do you think dust has sheets on his little matress bed#because the sheets will enevitably get dusty and then he's gonna have to lay on the dust of those he killed and thats a bad thought#sheets can fix the problem temporarily because he can just change them out and wash them#but also.... changing sheet hard.... take long time..... dust just want sleep.... rot away..... so no sheet on matress??? idk#dust might be able to make fun of horror and killer for having food issues but#killer gets to make fun of dust and horror for having hygiene issues#he's had his lows but he's never gotten THAT low 🤣🤣🤣🫵🫵🫵 LOSERS!!!!!#what does horror get to make fun of them for??? idk murder#killer might be able to keep himself clean but he cannot keep anything else around him clean with thet goddamn eye goop so HAH take that#me on my way to overshare with strangers on the internet. this isnt that bad compared to other stuff ive seen online actually#triglycercule can you just shut the fuck up and get back to posting about the mtt nobody CARES#alright..... limps away like a kicked and beated puppy...... like killer after getting abused by nightmare for the 56th time..........#advanced humor only utmv fans will get it#tricule rant#i said i wasnt gonna make the post but i did infact make the post. just in tags#me when i LIE#just offically reached 50 drafts where my medal. i should clear them out? alright shoot that guy
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It'd be crazy if I got a new backpack...right? Totally crazy. Who cares that it's 3lbs lighter than my Deva, or that I've consolidated my gear down enough that I only need 50L of space instead of 65L...,not me, that's for sure
#im already getting a new tent cause its ON SALE for over $100 off#the pack isnt#plus it doesnt even have a side zip!#i know no ultralight packs do but a girl can dream...#also what is this hobby's obsession with smartwater bottles#“oh theyre lightweight and yoy can attach your filter to them!#“#great#but have you ever tried to fill water with them?#especially from a shallow source?#it fucking sucks#the mouth is too narrow#so its either slow as FUCK or you can MAYBE only fill the bottle a third of the way#if you can even get anything in there AT ALL cause the shape just fucking sucks#idc if its a few oz heavier#i LOVE my hydrapak#i have a 1L stow for clean#a 2Lseeker for dirty#and a platypus for flavored drinks which is nice cause i can roll it up to put in my food storage overnight#and i dont have to filler them up all the way either#it depends on the hike#but i do t have to worry aboutit getting crushed like a smartwater bottle#and keeping the filter on the bottle just seems so wierd to me#like hello?#reduced qater flow AND you have to worry about a failed connection?#not to mentio. the fact that you have to carry the plunger for the filter with you#i hate sawyer filters btw if you couldnt tell#i had a mini which i can only describe as a nightmare to use and have held a grudge ever since#plus their bags are shit#anyways
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Look at this cat I picked up from the alleyway
#ooc. ・゚ ✹#lmao hand reveal#which is why I’ve been kinda absent fjndnc sorry#okay so long story short his owner kicked him out of his home cause his wife had allergies#I’ve been saying hi to this kitty every time I go out to take out my trash#he’s super friendly and doesn’t leave his past owners porch :(#I mean thankfully they still fed him and kept his litter box out but it wasn’t cleaned and idk if they gave him food or water everyday#turns out they never let him in even during bad weather and there’s tons of cars and pests and idk what else happening#so the nice summer weather we had was gonna turn into snow storms and rain and cold....so I took the cat#which is fine. the owner said I could keep him if I wanted cause he couldn’t stay with them#and unfortunately I have two territorial cats already in a small one bedroom apartment...hoping my friend is going to take him cndndnd#but I swan to John PLEASE...AT LEAST TAKE A PET YOU DONT TO A SHELTER OR SOMETHIN SMH....#LOOK AT THIS SWEETHEART AND HES PURRY AND SO SWEET#this was a long story in tags
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somehow these current roommates we have are the worst that ive known yet and last semester we literally had a girl who smoked cigs IN her bedroom. list of grievances below lol
#first of all they turn all the lights on all the time. the other day i was hanging out in the living room w one light on bc it was light#enough outside thru the windows and one of them walked in and flipped another light on automatically. then walked through#the living room right to her bedroom... girl youre not even using this room and i was clearly fine with the light level??#they always have all 3 kitchen lights on when they cook and dont turn them off plus none of them have lamps#they all use the Big LED Ceiling Light in their bedrooms which is baffling to us#they dont know how to organize the kitchen and they took up so many of the cabinets with bullshit. like 3 pans here a few plates there#we have like 4 cabinets worth of food and even more of pots and pans and shit bc this is everything we own#and we cant afford to use disposable everything like some of them do#theyre always leaving the fridge open while they cook too and i have to physically hold myself back from becoming my mom#and yelling at them to close the fridge when theyre not actively getting smth out of it!! like theyll stand there cooking and have it open#for 2 minutes straight#theres only room for one water filter pitcher in the fridge and one of them brought a big one which is nice but theyre always forgetting to#refill it which defeats the purpose of even having it#and they always somehow start cooking right when we decide we need to eat#one of them sent this long sort of condescending post abt ants and how it stresses him out when the kitchen is messy so we all need to clean#more and try harder to keep ants away as if 1) ants care at all abt dishes in the sink or stains on the stove and 2) as if the ants will#stop coming around if theres no food out in this building where there are notoriously always ants even on the 4th floor#(we are ground floor this time) and 3) as if he isn't one of the people leaving food around and not taking the trash out#nobody responded to it in the groupchat lmao bc he sounds like a fucking cop!! and is dating an rotc guy??? and also is a streamer or just#likes to play games on vc with friends bc hes always very loudly doing that#but obviously we have sex all the time so we're at a sort of loud noise stalemate where neither of us can complain abt the other#to be clear this is in no way the absolute worst situation theyre nice enough people and havent reported us for anything (they both work for#student housing -_-) and generally things go okay in the apartment#but like. ive never been this annoyed this often with any other roommates#ALSO someone spilled soy sauce all over our designated level of the fridge door where we had all our little bottles of stuff#but also a carton a Paper Carton of milk and a pack of butter standing upright which soaked up the soy sauce and for several days#even after id cleaned the bottom of the carton the best i could i swore it tasted like soy sauce from it soaking into the bottom or smth#but it's still all over everything in there bc it was so much it like. pooled in there and splattered on everything#like. u see that happen u clean it up wtf.??#anyway i just felt like i needed to complain and see if im being silly or if these things really are so annoying
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Had a very bad day Gotta eat gravel
#had to work a shift with only one other coworker and we were in this same position last weekend too and so like last time#he had this Moment where like as we locked up he was yelling very frustratedly about an annoying customer#which is fair but lol we dont know each other well enough for him to yell and rant like that to me like i get it but#god i hate yelling and just felt like shit and wanted to die#then tonight i was legitimately kinda scared cuz uh liiike. he had a lot more little Moments#i think like some kid dropped something and it broke and he had to clean it up and he got frustrated#and like. went in the back where the custom framing shit is and there was loud banging with a hammer and glass shattering#and he went back and did this multiple times and customers heard it too and were like uhhh 😰#i was already in a bad mood coming in and this really didnt help its honestly a miracle i didnt start having a meltdown#i guess ive just had to deal with so many man babies at home that all i can do is look at them like a disappointed parent and ask if they#would like me to take them to daycare#so yeah that was fun i uh dont like this guy hes always wearing very cutesy clothes and all i can think of is the bit where its like#‘there is nothing little about your things’#also i got money problems and keep getting fast food cuz i got eating problems and theres not much here i can eat and obviously#buying food so much wastes money so i was gonna try to make a sandwich today and like we dont have half the shit needed#and the bread was moldy obviously and theres so many bugs in the house cuz ive been too busy to clean and my sister was here#and the cat is here and my mom does everything wrong and then i spilled water everywhere and everything just went wrong#im also in a horrible place mentally doing so so bad so unbelievably stressed rn#just like. im repressing very bad and literally procrastinating having feelings like everything is going so wrong but i cant feel bad#because i dont have time for that so ill feel bad later when i escape which surely will happen someday ahahaha fuuuck#dont know whats real anymore maybe ive made everything up maybe the abuse is just me being dramatic maybe im the worst child in the world
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The sadness and agony that emerges everytime I start a new oni save and am forced to remember what it's like to have a dupe without a hat only to put them in a hat because I think they'd look cute only to remember hats make half of them look bald but I spent this long maxing out a skill for them so Im too stubborn to back down and remove the hat
#rat rambles#oni posting#it wouldnt be nearly as much of a problem if dupes didnt all have the same like 3 faces that I suck ass at differenciating at a glance#the amount of times Ive mixed up my maes and nikolas makes me sad Im sorry mae no one should be mistaken with nikola#if I knew how to acess the animation files Id be tempted to make a mod to change it but I dont so Im not#but imagine how cute itd be if abe and nikola had their side spikes stiking out from the sides of their hats#couldnt save the super short haired ppl tho sorry ren ari travaldo turner ruby and probably others too#speaking of my ari I keep mistaking my hassan for ari even tho I dont have an ari yet sorry bestie#hes my main storage and cleaning guy which is the role ari is in my other save#anyways the new save is continuing to go well even if things have slowed down a lil#I managed to get my salt water guiser up and running even if its a very lazy approach of basically just cooling it in a tundra biome#but itll work for the time being until I can get plastic from either drekos or by tapping into my oil biome#Im going for drekos rn since I have a lot of them around but if I can get some atmo suits set up quick enough I might just dive for oil#mainly because I want natural gas for a gas range tbh especially since I started farming waterweed as well#along with duskcaps so I already have access to the ingredients for several high quality gas range foods if I can get one running#now that might be a bit hasty but also I havent actually set base on the teleporter planetoid yet and both the transporters are right there#and I managed to find the sender on my main planetoid so I could pretty easily send over high quality food as a nice start up#this mostly tempts me because theres also a distinct lack of particularly easy to farm plants in the immediate vicinity of the teleporter#which doesnt mean there Wont be food but it does mean that quite a bit of digging will likely need to be done#with is also made tricky by the lack of early settlement oxygen sources available#and while I could theoretically send oxygen from the main colony Id rly rather not until I can get a spom or two set up#which leaves oxyferns and rust as the main oxygen options there until reliable water is found#now one thing I could do is fully transition my main base to getting all its oxygen from a spom and then send the rest of my algae over#my main thing is just Im not rly sure where I wanna put my first spom#I just simply dont have as many options as Id like due to being surrounded by mostly swampy and jungle biomes#not that I couldnt build there or dig them out its just Id rly rather have atmo suits first#which since I am very early in my dreko farm will likely take a lil bit#which also brings up the problem of getting my metal refinery up and running so I dont have to keep using the rock crusher#Ill probably just slap one in one of my tundra biomes as a short term solution but long term Ill probably have to take a shot at a proper#industrial sauna once I get plastic
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#haha love how ocd is based around feelings of powerlessness and lack of control#i honestly have improved so much overall that i almost forget i have it until i either forget meds or something real shit happens#most of my really bad compulsive behaviors are gone other than maybe 3#but the one that keeps rearing up is compulsive cleaning#and i dont mean like#gotta clean room hehe#its like. the world flashes because i get triggered by something either germ or emotional and i have to clean nonstop until The Thing#is gone#usually piles of stuff or like actual nasty#even if it belongs to someone else i have to clean it or else I just cant feel better#which is bad bc boundaries#like i generally can step back and be normal about it but when in an episode i cannot#big sigh#home is the worst bc family is v messy#i do not care about the clutter but dishes dont get cleaned for days and days and sit in stagnated water#and my mom doesnt believe in paper towels or scrubby sponges so i have to use wet rag and then leave it dirty to dry and reuse it :(#no value judgement bc i got that executive dysfunction from somewhere but damn#makes it hard to enjoy food#adhd and ocd combo is so bad bc youre both the cause of stress and your solution#lowkey feels like the manic depressive cycle where its struggle bus then massive surge to fix it and then struggle bus from burnout again#sigh
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I was just beaten, stabbed, and shot all in just the matter of a few days, each day a different incident or attack by an individual in my family and outside of my family by ppl around me, I had to get several stitches in my legs, arms, hands and even some in my face after being jumped and beaten and stabbed, I had a bullet pulled out my leg and my side, I was shot 8 times, 4 times in the legs and 2 times in my right lower abdomen and another 2 times in my left lower abdomen, I been in and out of the hospital including the mental hospital for suicide attempts as well as being harmed by transphobic ppl, I've been struggling paying for costs of a vet visit after my kitten was killed by my moms dog after she had her dog kill her, I've been raped, molested and abused by my family and ppl in my schools and neighborhood and I just get tired of being in this same situation surrounded by poverty, I live in a neighborhood where I'm constantly threatened for being a black trans woman and I have NO ONE TO TURN TO, I've tried getting help finding a new job but it's harder after constantly being fired for molestation at work and sexual harassment and constant work abuse I've been thru whether it was employees or managers targeting me with harassment and bullying within the workplace and it's been hard in general trying to get help with financial situations, paying for medical bills and get med assistance from the government and the city as well as mental health help for therapists, psychiatric help, and safe space havens or shelters, I've also been from mental health facility shelter to homeless shelters and been harassed, abused, raped and molested in EVERY SINGLE ONE, i am currently living in a rundown home surrounded by poverty and bad conditions, rusted bursted pipes, i have no plumbing, no water, no way to get anything to drink, to clean stuff with, i dont have water for dishes to be cleaned, laundry to be washed, or to bathe or shower in or to take a piss or shit in either and there are several dead cats in my basement as well as raccoons from all the holes in the walls, I had to freeze in the winter and was trying to get help from the city with some government assistance and I'VE YET TO GET ANY HELP, ANY THERAPISTS FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH I'M STILL ON A QUEUE, I HAVE NO HELP FOR MENTAL HEALTH MEDS, OR PSYCHIATRIC HELP, I can't seem to afford to get help with much even after succeeding my Gofundme goal because I had to use most of that money for food for me and my cats and keep cleaning products to get my home clean WHICH IS STILL A MESS. so what i need anyone to do for me if yall POSSIBLY CAN, is reblog this as much as you can and please share my links to donation help with pet food, water, meds, med help, mental health help, finding an apartment, getting a bed or mattress, and any daily needs and necessities IF YALL CAN.
My goal is to get at least $2500 to $3000, I know it's alot but rn I need as much as I can possibly get, yall can send anything, nothing is too small it's ALL APPRECIATED. IF PPL CAN SEND AT LEAST 25 OR 30$ EACH IT WOULD HELP OUT SO MUCH, BUT AGAIN ANY AMOUNT IS APPRECIATED. THIS is REALLY IMPORTANT!!....I'M TRYING MY BEST TO SURVIVE RIGHT NOW!
Cashapp: $Slasherstan91
Venmo: Negrophiliac (I know the name's wild 😭)
Chime: $MarsRayL
Paypal: paypal.me/MarsRayL
#black tumblr#black trans women#black lgbtq#mutual aid#black lives matter#black mental health#black women#please help#donation post#please donate#extremely urgent#need help#please reblog
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Cullen Family Helping You Through a Depressive Episode [headcanons]
divider from: @saradika-graphics
🧣Carlisle
- The most logical one to be honest
- Being a doctor, he knows how important it is to keep you healthy
- He keeps you fed/watered/nourished, makes you whatever food you want and brings it to you in bed
- Carlisle always makes sure that you have a cool glass of water on your bedside table
- He also helps you stay clean; he will offer to hop in the tub or shower and bathe with you, or if you asked him to he would just wait in the bedroom getting some pajamas for you
- He’ll brush your hair for you, but he’s not a very good stylist so dont expect anything more than a simple braid (and even that would look a little wonky lol)
- Offers to lay with you, if you accept he will hold you so gently and lovingly
- Continuously praising you and telling you how strong you are and how good you have been doing
- Sometimes he will read to you while you cuddle, any book you want
- He's always there for you, he never hesitates to help you whenever you need
- Sometimes he knows when you start spiraling before you do
- He knows just the right things to do and say to help you calm down
- He’s surprisingly scared that you’re going to do something stupid if things get too bad. He hides his fear well, he doesn't want you to worry about him on top of everything else
- Always tries his best to help you and stay by your side for as long as you need
🐴Jasper
- He can feel that you’re feeling down, without you even telling him
- Never try to hide it from him, cause thats never going to work. He always knows what you’re feeling, and he is always on red alert whenever he feels literally any negative emotion from you
- Jasper is a quiet person, so he isn’t very forward or aggressive about his approach, his is more subtle but still very much effective
- He doesn’t really say a lot, it’s his actions that speak volumes.
- His love language is quality time and touch, so he is always by your side
- He is definitely the type to ask if he can touch you when you start to spiral. If you’re panicking, he asks to give you a hug; if you dont feel comfortable with that, he’ll just hold your hands
- Jasper has never been more grateful for his powers than those times when you feel so down and self hating
- It hurts him so much to feel all that pain and suffering you feel for yourself, and/or in general
- He enjoys quietly cuddling together, which always seems to improve your mood
- If things are really bad, he will hum some old country songs from his childhood, but thats very rare
- The biggest thing he does is to use his powers to help you, but he doesn’t do it to much because he doesn’t want to control your emotions, he just wants to help you know what i mean?
⚾Emmett
- My favorite himbo <3
- His biggest thing is to distract you and get your mind off of whatever is hurting you
- He will be the one to offer cuddles before you even ask, he hugs you so tight and starts talking about everything and nothing
- Emmett would be the first to help get you out of bed
- He would make a huge effort to keep you fed, he just wants to keep you healthy
- If you’re feeling up for it, he likes to take you on hikes in the woods. It’s a simple thing but it helps you focus on something else
- If you don’t want to get out of bed, he is perfectly fine just cuddling and watching something on tv
- He will whisper sweet things into your ear
- Telling you how much he loves you
- He focuses a little less on the actual situation and more on hyping you up in general
- Like he will compliment your personality and appearance. He will go over everything he loves about you and every single part of your body and tells you why he loves all of it
- He loves to cover you in kisses and doesn’t stop showering you in praises until he knows for a fact that you’re feeling better
🎹Edward
- Would either be the sweetest, most comforting man ever or a distant, super cold one
- There’s no in between, sorry about it :/
- Sometimes he would be almost suffocating with how worried and close he would be
- He wouldn’t leave your side for a second, always doing anything you need
- But sometimes it would start to make him start to spiral
- Like he would start to worry that he’s not good enough to take care of you and you dont deserve him
- After he sees how stupid that thought is, he sees how much you need him in this hard time so he steps up to the plate and starts doing much better
- He doesn’t know how to cook, but he’ll buy you any food you want
- He will gladly cuddle and praise you whenever you need
- Sometimes he will even play you some piano, to help you drift off to sleep
- He would surprise you with a song he wrote for you
- Even if he doesn’t want to force you to do anything he would persuade you to get out of bed
- Both of you sit at the piano and she will teach you a thing or two
- But usually he likes to take you on walks in the woods, his favorite thing to do is just lay in the field with you and feel the cool breeze and your warm hand in his
- It brings him peace. Being there with you and knowing that he’s helping you feel better
👑Rosalie
- She is similar to Jasper with the more subtle approach
- Rosalie understands what it’s like to have those really bad days because she’s had them
- She will help you stay clean and eat something
- Rosalie would take baths with you and brush your hair, doing it up in a beautiful style
- Usually people see her as the cold, stubborn type of girl, but she’s much more than that
- She knows what it’s like to feel that broken
- That’s why she offers her help in any way she can, anything you want, it’s yours
- It’s the little things for her
- Like she’ll make you a simple sandwich or just be cuddling with you
- A bunch of those little things just keep adding up and she doesn’t stop there
- She would bring you gifts to try to raise your spirits
- She’s a little awkward in her approach to showing you this much affection, thats why she does a bunch of little things rather than huge declarations of her love
- It’s more of an unspoken understanding about how much she loves you. But when times like these hit, she realizes that you need her reassurance and love more than ever
- She puts in a huge amount of effort into those small gifts and actions, just to make sure you know she loves you and will always be there when you need
🌖Alice
- I know that all of the Cullens know what it’s like to feel broken and hurt, its just that some know the feeling more than others
- Alice definitely knows that feeling
- Sometimes she sees that you’re going to have an episode before it even starts
- So she starts gathering all the supplies: your favorite snacks, blankets and anything else you need
- She is super worried for you but she hides it with her positivity
- She will give you makeovers and take care of you, without you even asking
- The makeovers are her favorite because not only is it a way to get your mind focused on other things but it’s an easy way to help keep up your hygiene with the showering and the self care she helps you with
- Sometimes, if things are looking really bad she will get really worried that something bad was going to happen
- Then she sees a vision of everything being okay in the future
- She very much enjoys wrapping you in tight hugs and whispering nice things to you
- Everything from “You’re so beautiful inside and out, i love you so much” to “everything is going to be okay, we’re going to get through this together. I’ve seen it”
🥀Esme
- Dare i say: she would take a much more maternal and protective approach
- I dont want to say she forces you to eat and drink but she definitely makes you stay nourished
- She is more than willing to make you anything you want, she just wants to help in any way she can to make you feel better
- She will help you bathe and cuddle all day if you need
- Cuddling is her specialty, she makes it even better because she likes to sing quietly
- She likes to hum and sing you cute little songs until you drift back to sleep
- As much as she doesn’t want to force you to do anything, she does make you take regular walks and get outside every day
- The movement and fresh air are very important
- She will make a picnic basket and take it on a small hike, just the two of you
- Esme would gladly make your favorite food (or try to) and have a cute little picnic to take your mind off of things :)
#twilight#twilight renessaince#twilight fanfiction#twilight imagine#carlisle cullen#carlisle cullen x reader#jasper hale#jasper hale x reader#emmett cullen#emmett cullen x reader#edward cullen#edward cullen x reader#rosalie hale#rosalie hale x reader#alice cullen#alice cullen x reader#esme cullen#esme cullen x reader
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Ok so I have two requests ideas, you can choose to do one or both if you like :3
The first request: CaitVi x reader where they’re in a poly relationship but the reader becomes a little insecure because they’ve been spending more time with each other and leaving the reader out sometimes (whether this is due to work or maybe as they’re on dates). They don’t realise this at first but when they do they feel bad and try to make it up to the reader. Basically a bit of angst to fluff and it can either be based on the show or a modern au ❤️💙
The second request: Sevika x reader where the reader is talking to Sevika about their current hyperfixiation druring their break or something and she acts like she’s not interested in listening, but then she’s like “no wait continue” when she hears the reader stop. They can be in a relationship or not but still have feelings for each other and haven’t confessed yet 💜
Hope you like my ideas!
thank u for requesting my love! as i dont have much experience with poly relationships, didnt want to risk not doing it justice so as an autistic person, i went with sevika x hyperfixated!reader, hope thats okay!!
reader has a hyperfixation on nature, specifically symbiotic relationships between species im sorry if that’s not what you wanted/find interesting!! i hope you enjoy <3
Sevika x Hyperfixated!Reader
cw: fluff, current relationship, domestic/soft sevika, smoking, angst??? idk reader gets a bit in their head, ambiguous setting, r is gender neutral.
wc: 750 sorry its a lil short
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The illumination of the room was dim, two mellow oil lamps on either side of the room brightening up the space ever so slightly. Sevika was sat comfortable on her chair, further away to the wall than you, hands grasping a book which lay stable on her lap, her eyes grazing through its sentences.
You glanced over at her, lifting your head from your own nature book rested on the dining table that you had been studying, found neglected deep in a decrepit library you had passed through, and took in her features. She was more at ease than usual, tension relieved from her brows as the ambience softened her face. Shoulders slackened, as she would lift her hand to puff on her cigarette in short bursts, before eventually letting the smoke ripple through the air.
“Guess what I’ve just found,” You spoke, eagerness coating your voice as you grew excited from new facts you had read in your book,
“Yeah?” She answered, eyes still pointed at the pages she held, the response working as a cue that you were to continue on with your sentence.
“I’ve found another symbiotic relationship between species! Crocodiles and the bird species Plovers.”
“After they feed, crocodiles will lay on the riverbanks, hold their jaws open to signal the Plovers to enter their mouths,” You read on the paragraphs from the book, switching between the drawn illustrations of the crocodiles and the birds, before continuing, “The bird will then sit inside their mouths and pick out the remaining food stuck on their teeth!”
You felt your excitement build, enthusiastically word vomiting about this relationship, “The crocodile will not eat the Plover, it’s a mutually beneficial relationship where the crocodile gets its teeth cleaned, helping ward infection from the raw meat, and insects resting on its skin,”
“Yeah,” Sevika interjects, in between your words,
“And the Plover gets free food! Plover’s are basically tiny, flying dentists in the bird world and they charge exclusively in left overs” You chuckled, amused by your own jest.
“That’s really interesting, darling,”
“It gets even better,” you continued, “Then if the Plover senses movement or sudden sounds of potential danger, like other predators, the Plover will use its warning call which the crocodile heeds to return into the water and get away from threats! How amazing is that?” You were beaming, eyes glimmering as you read through the pages.
Finally turning your head to look at Sevika’s reaction, noticing her eyes still glued to her book as she didn’t respond before realising you had kinda just kept talking and not thinking you may have been irritating her, with your useless factoids. The pull on your lips dropped slightly, biting the inside skin of your lip as you thought that she probably could not care less about this, reading her own book full of her own interests.
You began to enter your own head, remembering all the times people had been dismissive or simply not listened as they had their own thoughts going on, oftentimes making you feel like a silly burden for blurting out such things. Tilting your head back to your book, Sevika’s voice broke out through the silence,
“Why did you stop talking?”
Looking back at her, her face was turned to you, brows lifted in curiosity,
“I just… figured you weren’t listening or, I don’t know, didn’t want to hear about it,” You muttered, tone loaded with your unease, as you fiddled with the dried skin on the rims of your nail beds.
Sevika looked over at you for a few seconds, before her features slackened and she closed her book, folding the edge of the page as a placeholder, before getting up and walking closer to where you sat at the table.
“I’m sorry,” She sighed, sitting next to you and wrapping her built arms around your shoulders, “I promise I was listening, was just enjoying hearing you talk about it,”
You looked up at her, meeting her eyes tentatively as she lifted the corner of her lips to smile at you, “I was just kinda thinking how if we were the animals you’d be the Plover,” she chuckled, pressing her lips to your forehead.
You gasped, mouth slightly ajar as your own lips tilted into a small smile,
“Ugh, you’re probably right, too.” You sighed, not impressed.
“Don’t stop talking about that stuff just because I’m not responsive, okay? It’s cute when you ramble,” You fell into her hug, her hand rubbing at your back, before grabbing the side of your face and bring your lips together into a gentle kiss, aware of the way you might still be feeling.
You grabbed onto her, pressing your lips closer against hers.
“Thank you,” you smiled,
“I also found the dentist thing quite funny,”
——
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soobin nsfw alphabet
cw: as ambigious as i could but could come off as afab!reader in some sections! no gender stated as always<3
a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
clingy!!!!! making sure ur alright, that nothing hurts, have u peed yet dont get urself an infection, do u need food or some water, u just want cuddles oh ok he can do that!!!!!!! its endearing despite overwhelming how much he cares :]
b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
his hands and ur wrists/neck and these go pretty hand in hand bc his obsession with both starts bc of how his hands look wrapped around different parts of u >_> !! becomes especially obsessed with how easily he can wrap his long fingers around ur wrists (although hes entirely too gentle everytime he does it in ur opinion) !
if u have tits he’d also be a very big fan of them!
c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
another one who cums a Lot. loves cumming inside u so much dont make him pull out </3 he will of course but u could b filled w his babies cmon :< even if u can’t get pregnant he will be acting like u can and it makes him so nasty
d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
RLY adores cumming in u and then clean it all up w his mouth, might feed it to u sometimes too, tongues tangled up w ur mingling tastes :p
e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
a little but everytime u would think its his first time, and he knows what he’s doing up until pleasure makes him stupid, and his most feral instincts take over :3c
f = favourite position (this goes without saying)
pretty standard w missionary, likes seeing ur face especially when he wraps his fingers around ur throat. if u have boobies hes also a fan of u riding him just so theyre in his face and he can have his mouth on them the whole time. even if u dont hes gonna b sucking and licking at ur chest w reckless abandon tbh he doesnt care . shrugs
g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
hes more serious but not too intense, its typically light hearted bc its just him rly caring for u ! <3
h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
generally well kept hes a manscaper or whatever but hes not that hairy to begin w. random but i want him to have heart pubes idk ฅ/ᐠ. ̫ .ᐟ\ฅ
i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
very!!!!!! intimate!!!!!!! even when he’s rough this man is fucking u like he loves u (which granted, he does) holding u close while he rearranges ur insides and tells u ur the prettiest person hes ever seen .. sighs dreamily
j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)
if he cant be w u hes absolutely jerking off all the time and he loves it just as much as sex itself tbh. huge perv he cant help that his mind is always in dirty places and making his cock hard. who doesnt love jerking off sometimes ! hes real for that idgaf !
k = kink (one or more of their kinks)
breeding or pretty much anything to do with cumplay at all. overstimulation and edging probably big ones for him too!!! both giving and receiving ;3c
l = location (favorite places to do the do)
besides ur bedroom, the couch bc it means u can ride him, and the shower; despite how inconvenient and slippery it might get sometimes _| ̄|○
m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
literally anything and everything u do will get him going. smth spills from ur mouth when u take a drink, hes hard. he gets even a tiny glimpse of under ur shirt, hes hard. he even remotely thinks abt kissing u a little deeper than whats usually chaste and hes hard. u name it, he’ll find some way to divert it in his mind to some perverse memory or fantasy
n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
just nothing taboo, otherwise i don’t actually know what i’d say his turns off are … :S nothing to draw blood either
o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
not any particular preference— he loves using his tongue on u as much as he loves having his cock in ur mouth, so u ask him and he’ll probably just end up shrugging and tell u that he’d love both at the same time if u would ever 69 w him<3 although he does like seeing u struggle to take his big cock w tears in ur eyes, so maybe sometimes he leans a little one way than the other ʅ(◞‿◟)ʃ !
p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
slow to start with so u can get used to the stretch of taking him, hes so big after all :((( soothing u with a shaky ‘is it too much, baby?’ before he fucks the absolute lights out of u when u give him the go ahead x_x
q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
loves a quickie bc he loves getting off like i have said a few times now ! obviously loves it more when he has time to savour and rly enjoy himself w u but he loves it all the same that he gets to giggle w u while u breathlessly do smth so dirty ✌︎('ω'✌︎ )
r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
yes and yes! risky to him sometimes is hotter and therefore best! ready to get caught by any of his members at anytime im afraid … poor guys … kinda …
s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
lasts a long time but its bc he tries and wants u to cum first, otherwise he’d blow his load so fast. edges himself if he really thinks hes abt to give in to his high. will go for as many rounds as u want and can handle bc again, always managing to make himself hard around u so !
t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
BIG fan of his fleshlight !!!! probably doesn’t own anything much else in terms of sex toys outside of that but thats all he probably needs anyway !!! jerking himself off w it when ur away, or fucking into it while u watch and say such dirty things to each other hnnnffff :(((((( ‘wish this was you, sweetheart. don’t you?’
u = unfair (how much they like to tease)
a crazy amount, but he makes it worth it bc u always get what u want in the end anyway, why not let him have a little fun w it? ur just so pretty when u beg a little <3
v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
louddd whimpers and the prettiest moans, and he practically hiccups when he gasps, he sounds sooooo pretty</3 tries his hardest to keep his volume down but u moan and it’s practically like a response the way he can’t help it :<
w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
wants (needs) to be pegged/topped at least once in his lifetime but has no idea how to ask for it which is crazy bc of how nasty he already is in bed. if u wanna bottom just say that, king! u have the ass for throwing it back!
x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
ive seen the dick print tweets he is HUNG. end of talk thank u
y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
do i need to comment on this one or have we gotten the message yet … say hi hi hi hi 안녕하고 말할 만큼
take me high high high high 나를 좀 더 데려가 줘
z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
not so much tired as he is just satiated? ,,,so he’ll be pretty dozy but loves to chat w u after the fact. or at least he likes listening to you talk yk? he’ll give u hums of acknowledgment while u run ur hands thru his hair and pretty soon u’ll have him snoring away against ur chest lol<3
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Something Inappropriate: Chapter Three
Pairing - Professor!Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader Summary - Spencer takes Y/n in, doing anything in his power to offer her comfort while she seeks safety in his apartment. Warnings - Mentions of toxic relationship, i think that's it x Words - 2.1K
Masterlist
Spencer Reid's apartment was exactly what Y/n expected but also not at the same time. Of course, his living room/kitchen area was lined with bookshelves, literature ranging from philosophy to quantum physics. All of the spines broken in. He had a leather couch, exactly like the one in his office only bigger and filled with a couple of plush cushions. He had spots filled with plants which were dying for some water but no other sign of life.
Y/n didn't know much about her professor's personal life. Only the information he spoke about in lectures - which barely ever exceeded his past workings alongside the BAU. However, she expected something more to him than well, himself. She first imagined him with at least a girlfriend, wife maybe. But, whenever she had been in his office, all that sat at his desk was a frame pictured of his team and another of him and, who she assumed was, his mother.
He wasn't a recluse, but he certainly seemed introverted. At the very least, Y/n had almost expected a dog or some small pet coming up and greeting her. But, within one glance, she came to realise the only other living thing in this apartment was the withering plants.
"I hope you don't mind the mess," Y/n gazed back around the room; on her terms, this was tidy. "I didn't realise I'd have company."
Y/n shrugged, still shaken from the events of the day, "Dont worry about it." Maybe she needed to clean her own flat if this was what the man considered a mess.
Suddenly, Spencer became very aware of himself. His hands fidgeted at the top of his trousers as he spoke, "Do you want anything? Food? Drink? I have erm-" He was already moving towards the wooden cupboard above the stove, "I have this tea," He graspped a small, unopened box of British tea that the girl didn't recognise. "One of my co-worker likes to try all of them, they're not really my thing." He rambled.
Y/n only shrugged once more, "Sure, I'll try it."
Spencer grabbed two cups, brewing himself a pot of coffee and attempting to make the tea which Penelope had given him. Within five minutes, he wandered over to the sofa and passed the girl her drink. "One of my team members worked in London for a little while, so," He offered an awkward smile.
"Is she the one for gave you the tea?" Y/n questioned as her knees found her chest and she blew against the boiling drink.
The boy laughed in a whisper, "No, no. Our technical analyst visited her once and demanded we all try the different types of teas from over there." He explained.
"I'm guessing you didn't like it then?" She asked.
He shook his head, "Not my thing." And Y/n looked back to the tea, letting it's scent fill her nose; surely it wasn't so bad. She sipped at it, the warmth of the tea filling through her lungs. It wasn't as bad as Spencer made it out to be. A similar taste as coffee: acquired. And, in her current state, she didn't care what she was drinking. All Y/n cared for was whether she was safe or not. When she glanced over at Spencer she felt safe, she felt comforted. Two things which had been rare for her in the past year.
"Could I ask you something?" Y/n speaks up after a moment of quiet, the only sound being the news channel which was lulling in the background of both of their thoughts. Spencer had looked over and nodded instantly, feeling a pull towards her, towards whatever it was which was swirling around in that marvellous mind of hers. "Do you think I could make it? In the BAU I mean. I like to think I'd be able to, but sometimes you talk about cases and all I can compare it to is horror stories."
It was a worry of which lots of students possessed. And it was true for some students, the very smell of a corpse had made several students whom believed they were ready, hurled over and vomiting. There was lots to it. And even now, after all the cases Spencer and his team had gone through, some hit hard. That was always going to be the case - it was just whether you could compartmentalise it or not.
"You're an excellent student, Y/n." Spencer commented, "Being in the field is different but you get used to it and you'll soon learn to draw a line between what happens in the field and what happens at home." The boy continued to explain.
She nodded along and glanced back at her tea, "Is that why you went back to teaching instead?" The girl wasn't certain as to whether she was overstepping. There was line. They had to maintain the relationship of student and teacher. Yet, she was here in his apartment, drinking his tea, sat on his couch. Maybe that line had already been crossed.
Spencer had shrugged, "Partly, I suppose." He answered, giving the girl a small smile.
After that, the girl became quiet. She sipped on her tea and mindlessly watched the brain-numbing tv show that had been playing in the background. Here felt safe. It felt better than had she dared go home, awaiting the sound of the buzzer, of the man she dreaded at her accommodation door. Or even in a motel, staring up at the ceiling, wishing she was somewhere she could call home - of even safe.
But here, here, was safe. He was safe - dare she come to admit such.
And when her eyes became heavy, she didn't stop herself. Not like she normally would. Sleep was scary when that certain ex-boyfriend was on her mind. Y/n's mind never felt safe enough to let her sleep. Not until she was sat across from her professor. In his locked apartment where no one could ever find her.
When Spencer glanced back at her, the girl lulled into her dreams, he slowly stood. He crouched before her, a gentle hand pressing at her shoulder, "Y/n-" He whispered.
The man was met with her jumping awake, a breath sucked right into her lungs like she had been drowning in her sleep. "Hey, hey," He rushed out, "You're okay, you fell asleep, it's okay." He soothed.
Spencer's hand had never left her shoulder and she was grateful for such. His touch was real. This was real - unlike what she thought. Without even thinking, her own hand moved up, grazing against his own, her eyes shutting as to give herself a moment. "Sorry, I didn't mean to jump." She muttered back before her eye fluttered back open.
His eyes explored her own. His hazel hues stared into her like he was reading her very thoughts. The girl wondered if he knew that she wanted him, that she was imagining his arms around her like a protective shield. When Y/n came to realise how inappropriate her own thoughts were, her hand fell. "How about you go to sleep?" Spencer suggested as he too pulled his touch away. "I'll get you some clothes, is that alright?"
Y/n nodded but the very thought of his material on her skin made her shiver. Still she waited in his spare room until he returned. It was like any guest room; bare of much personality. A bed that seemed to not have been slept in since it had been made. A dresser which was home to Spencer's Summer clothes he never wore and some books which weren't impressive enough to lay in his living area.
"Are these alright for you?" He questioned, passing over some joggers and a plain white t-shirt. "I don't know if they'll fit but you know-"
The girl glanced down at the clothes and simply shrugged, "They're perfect, thank you." She offered him a grin as a wave of awkward silence passed over the room; maybe she shouldn't have called his clothes perfect. They were just joggers and a top. Nothing special.
Spencer fidgeted and rolled on the balls of his feet, "Well then I'll erm- I'll let you get some rest." He spoke, already heading to escape what had become an awkward situation.
Once his back was turned, Y/n spoke up; a pathetic attempt to voice the true appreciation she felt for her professor, "Doctor Reid?" She called before the man slowly glanced back at her.
His face softened, his stiff shoulders relaxed, "Please, just call me Spencer."
Y/n's face bobbed down as her smile fought to the surface, "I erm- thank you, again, I mean it. I don't know what I would have done without you." The girl truly meant her words. It was rare she had anyone step in the way Spencer had done, offering her anything and everything. All to ensure her very safety.
"I'm here for you, Y/n." The man assured, "I'm not just your professor, I want to make sure you're okay." He said such so easily. Like he hadn't just maybe said something he shouldn't have done.
Spencer was just her professor. The professor who was looking out for his student's wellbeing. Nothing more - nothing less. Or at least that's what he would be telling himself.
For that night, the two slept in different beds, in different rooms. Yet they were barely meters apart. The comfort of safety made the bed feel like clouds as Y/n finally had the rest she was in such desperate need of. But when morning came, the daunting idea of going into the police station suddenly suffocated her.
She wandered out of the guest bedroom, dressed in nothing but Spencer's t-shirt and her own pants. The man was already there, dressed in bed-head and lazy pyjamas as he leaned over the kitchen stove. It was the scent which met Y/n's senses first; the crisp, burning smell of what she assumed was bacon. "Jesus, what are you cooking?" She winced at the smell, daring to move further into the kitchen.
Spencer glanced back, spatula in hand, "Bacon and eggs." He was gazing back with a harsh shrug, "I don't normally have guests so I'm erm- I'm-"
"Struggling?" Y/n finished his sentence for him. When he nodded, the girl slipped into view of the food. She chucked away the charred bacon pieces, slipped some more oil over the pan and placed fresh rations into the pan. "You had it on too high," She informed as she turned the fire on the stove down, "Hopefully it's better now."
When Y/n looked back to Spencer, she found his eyes already on her, like he was staring into her soul, seeing something in her that he hadn't before. Maybe it was this feeling of a domestic atmosphere. Making breakfast in their pjs, not caring for the fact they weren't ready, the care, the urge to have her here every morning. That was something of which Spencer couldn't shake.
"Right, of course." He mumbled before returning to stare at the meat.
An hour of so later and the two had something which wasn't burnt for breakfast. They were dressed and ready. Or as ready as Y/n could be for something like this. Talking about her ex-boyfriend, even thinking about her, caused her a wave of nerves she couldn't quite escape. And when Spencer's hand reached the door nob of his apartment, he came to realise the girl wasn't following after him.
With it open a jar, he glanced back, "Everything okay?" She simply swallowed the lump which had grown in her throat and Spencer knew. He took a few steps closer to her, "I know this is scary, but it will be worth it. An hour of anxiety, is worth being free of it forever."
The man then extended his hand for her to take, an offer of support. And when Y/n interlocked her fingers with his, she felt more ready than ever. "Yeah, yeah." She nodded before the two exited his home.
She preyed this was the start of the end. No more fighting in the beer gardening, no more panic attacks, no more sleepovers at her professor's apartment....no more security. Maybe it was wrong for her to yearn for this to continue. Not the stalker ex, but these nights, these mornings. Maybe it was wrong for her to long for something so inappropriate. Yet she couldn't seem to help herself and neither could he.
--
Taglist: - @tonystankhere @ilikw @abbiesxox Let me know if you'd liked to be added!
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid series#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid onshot#criminal minds#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds fanfic#spencer reid angst#spencer reid fluff#x reader#imagine#fanfic
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tips for cat therians !
ok, yeah, disclaimer; these tips will not include quads, gear, and are closeted therian+city therian friendly! however, these are mostly directed for domestic cats, so sorry to my wild cat friends :(. if you're against alterhumans/furries/quadrobists, please insult me through the reblog feature, thx!
try growing catnip at home! in small doses (such as tea), it's perfectly fine! if you practice witchcraft, catnip represents friendship can be used in spells.
give small little gifts to your friends, bonus points if it's food.
cats are carnivores, so lean towards meats. pretty much all cats eat small animals, like rabbits! 3a. for outdoors domestic cats, try leaning more towards poultry such as chicken, geese, turkey, etc. and fish! 3b. for indoors domestic cats, poultry, beef, pork, and other flavours common in cat food is good! 3c. wild cats are known to eat livestock, which means pretty much a lot of the above, and on occasion, deer! try out some venison! and if your theriotype lives near areas with bodies of water, eat some fish native to that area!
head outside for daily exercise! cats need exercise too!
keep good hygiene! cats love being clean! trim your claws, brush your hair, wash your skin, brush your teeth!
if you can, try out sports! bonus if it helps with things that would make you thrive in the wild! (for example, running for stamina, and speed)
cats are known for being acrobatic! go and do an obstacle course, challenge yourself!
dont sit staring at a screen all day! go do some bird watching or people-watching
cats are hunters. if you have school, see if you can sneak up behind your friend and scare them while walking to class.
go outside during darker hours, and take a listen to what you can hear. crickets? cars? people?
#nonhuman#alterhuman#therian#felinekin#feline#feline therian#feline theriotype#cat therian#cat theriotype#domestic cat therian#wild cat therian#fuck social norms#fuck society#therianthropy#kin care#theriotype#anti furry#anti therian#therians#therian things#alterhumanity#putting anti fur and anti therian tags so haters reblog and comment idk is that how the tumblr algorithm works???#cats#therians of tumblr#therian community
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picture perfect
pairing: hwang hyunjin x fem reader
genre: smut – MDNI
synopsis: you find a way to make more money not realising hyunjin is doing the same
warnings: smut, established relationship, distribution of explicate content (pics) online, sex work (onlyfans), taking videos during explicate moments (everything is consensual), oral sex (m rec), pussy drunk hyunjin, unprotected sex, cum eating, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, cream pie, pet names, word 'girl' is used.
words: 3.3k ~ (3300)
♡ m.list — ♡ you can also read it on my ao3
dont repost. dont translate. minors, ageless & default blogs; dni! feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!
desperate calls calls for desperate measures and that's exactly what you have done.
money is tight. you barely have enough to make ends meet. once you have paid rent, electric and water bills, you have just enough for groceries.
you soon grew tired of struggling. you don't like asking for help because you've been taught that it's a sign of weakness, plus, having to ask people for money isn't necessarily a smooth nor nice thing to ask for.
your boyfriend, hyunjin, is also in the same boat as you. he left his small town to live in the big city thinking nothing of it, until he realised how expensive it is. you both live on the same apartment block, just across the hallway from one another.
a cliché series of events happened that brought you both together. you've spoken to each other for months but it was nothing but a simple “hello” and small talk in the complex elevator. however, on this one faithful (and unlucky) day, did everything change.
one thing happened after another. a series of unfortunate events. your pay check hadn't come through and you needed that considering you were behind on the rent. luckily for you, the landlord is a kind and understanding person so he gave you some time.
after being on the phone for three hours, listening to the same elevator music whilst being on hold, you got no where, which naturally, lead to your frustration. you decided to just get on with your day, shop for groceries so that's at least one thing you don't have to worry about.
that didn't go as planned.
you went over budget. you didn't realise that the cost of living would also affect the price of food. you had so little groceries for such a high price, food that wouldn't last a week and to top it off, paper bags are now the new thing which you don't mind however, they're flimsy and weak.
on your way home, it started to rain. the rain was heavy, bouncing off the pavement and passing vehicles. you're pretty sure you got splashed by a car or two but you couldn't tell considering your jeans were soaked and sticking to your legs with your socks soaking up all the water from the hole in your beaten down trainers.
you got to the revolving doors of the complex. as if on queue, the flimsy paper bag broke resulting in all your groceries falling onto the pavement. you wanted to cry, to curse at the world for having such a bad day but a knight in shining armour came to your rescue.
hyunjin saw what had happened. he saw how soaked you looked, how your t-shirt was see through, jeans darkened in colour as your hair dripped with water. he looked at your sullen and defeated expression and felt sorry for you. he also felt something else for you, but now was not the right time to be having thoughts, especially when you looked so defeated and desperate for help.
he helped you. he gathered up your groceries and helped you to your apartment door, for you to find out that you lost your apartment keys–somehow. all you could do was laugh because if you didn't laugh, you'd cry.
hyunjin was nothing but helpful to you that day. he let you crash at his place, use his shower and dress in his clothing. you slept on the sofa and helped around the apartment for him such as cooking and cleaning, almost like husband and wife–almost.
since then, you two have been together as well as inseparable. you hate to ask for money. you always feel like you always have bad luck and well, it sucks.
you need money and you need it fast. your dead end job barely pays enough. as well as needing the money, you also want money because you want to buy yourself nice things. fund your little hobbies and dress up in nice clothing. buy what you want, when you want and not have to worry or feel guilty when you spend money on luxuries.
you came across an article about how much someone earns in a month just from subscriptions on onlyfans. after some research you learnt that onlyfans is a place for sexual photos and videos with people paying a subscription fee to ‘unlock’ and see the explicit content.
you thought about it, long and hard. for days and days you thought. the more you thought, the more you wanted to do it. if all you had to do was take a few explicit photos of yourself and not have to worry about money for years, then so be it.
what you didn't bank on, was your boyfriend to find out.
“how did you–?” you blink at hyunjin. his phone facing in your direction. your onlyfans profile staring right back at you. the colour drains from your cheeks, heart thumping against your chest.
it was supposed to be a calm and collective movie night. hyunjin wanted company, he phoned you up and you said yes, of course! you went to use the bathroom and within minutes, you came back to the living area to this.
“i knew it was you! i recognise those breasts anywhere!” hyunjin says with a chuckle as he turns his phone back to himself. his thumb swiping up his screen as he checks out your content.
you blink a few times. confusion as well as a million questions swim around in your head. he's not angry at you and that's confusing you.
“you have to send me this one, damn!” hyunjin groans as he shows you your topless mirror selfie. after a few more blinks, you suddenly come back down to earth. realisation hitting you.
“wait. all my content is locked behind a subscription fee.”
“yeah, i know.”
“so you paid to see my photos??” you say as you sit down on the sofa beside him. he hums, shrugging and giving you a nod. “why? how? are you not mad?”
“i was browsing the site and came across your profile, so i paid the fee to see what spicy content you have.” hyunjin smirks. his whole demeanour throwing you off massively. “plus, why would i be mad when i do the same thing.”
“oh i don't kn–wait, what?” hyunjin's cheeks turn a faint pink colour. he looks at you and grins before laughing at your shocked expression.
“i do it too. would be pretty hypocritical of me to be mad at you for doing what i do.”
“wait so, you also take pictures of yourself too?”
“yeah with the occasional video.”
“what type of videos?” hyunjin puts his phone down before leaning back with his legs spread.
“i jerk off. ”
“and people like that?” hyunjin nods. “more than the pics?”
“depends. everyone has different tastes in what they like.”
“why did you start doing this..?”
“why did you?”
“because i needed the money. my dead end job barely pays enough for this overpriced apartment. once everything is paid for, i barely have enough for myself. i just wanted that bit extra.”
“that's the reason why i started too. i underestimated how expensive living in the city is. now i earn enough to the point where, i don't have to do it. i just do it for fun.”
you look away. everything slowly sinking in. so many thoughts and feelings such as relief, washing over you. you feel close to tears. all those hours you spent awake in bed, feeling shackled with fear–worthless.
“hey.” hyunjin speaks softly, his hand coming into contact with your chin to turn it so you're looking at him “are you ok yn?”
“yeah.. yeah! it's just a lot to take in, that's all.” you laugh softly, leaning into his touch.
“was you worried about me finding out?”
“fuck yeah! stuff like this isn't very appreciated by many people. i was scared you'd judge me or worse; hate me.”
“oh baby. i could never hate you. i love you, plus you do whatever you like. i don't care as long as you're safe.”
“thank you.”
“plus, this just means we can start doing things together. if you want to, that is.”
“you mean as in..?” hyunjin licks his lips and smirks as he slowly nods his head. “like what?”
“well, you can suck my cock for starters. i think that'd be a great introduction video.”
“y-you mean, right now?” you bite your bottom lip gently as hyunjin runs his fingers through your hair, stopping at the back of your head. he gathers a bunch of hair and tugs at the roots causing you to hiss.
“yes, right now. be a good girl and put that mouth of yours to good use.” with a single nod and a hum, you shuffle off the sofa and between hyunjin's legs.
you lick your lips at the sight of his already erect penis that's happily forming a tent in his sweat pants. you grab the waistband, hyunjin lifting up his hips as you pull the fabric down his legs.
you squeeze your thighs together as you press the palm of your hand against his bulge, roughly. you begin to palm him, starting off slow and steady before picking up the pace once you feel him twitch.
all the while, hyunjin has grabbed his phone and started to record you. he makes sure not to get your face into the shot. you slowly trace the outline of his penis with your fingernail, before giving a few rough squeezes at the tip.
“let's not keep the people waiting baby. hurry up.”
you grab the waistband of his boxer shorts, pulling them down his legs to pool alongside with his sweats. his erection springs free, hyunjin making sure he catches it on camera, releasing a satisfactory hum.
you lick your lips hungrily, loving the red blush on his tip and the shimmer of pre-cum that seeps from his slit. you wrap your hand around the base, his girth too thick for your hand to wrap all the way around.
“look at that. your hand looks so small wrapped around my thick cock.” he hums. you whimper softly at his dirty talk, something you've never experienced from hyunjin before. it's clear he is playing up to the camera, being a bit extra for the sake of the content–but you love it so much and want more.
hyunjin runs his fingers through your hair slowly, his fingertips massaging your scalp. he pushes the back of your head towards him, stopping when you're eye level with his cock. you rub his tip suddenly with the pad of your thumb, fast and harsh–just the way he likes it.
if hyunjin wants to put on a show, then a show he shall get.
his hips suddenly buck upwards at the harsh rubs. your thumb coating in his pre-cum. hyunjin stutters and legs shake, hand quick to release from your hair to grab your wrist to make you stop.
he heavily pants, a thin sheen of sweat resting on his forehead. you look up at him innocently but give him a quick smirk.
“you cheeky girl.” he grunts. you batter your eyelashes at him in a sickly sweet manor. the innocent, sweet expression on your face making hyunjin want to dirty you and mark you as his territory.
“suck.” you shiver at the harshness of his tone. a dominant tone that screams ‘don't mess with me.’ you nod once, parting your lips to allow your tongue to slide out and make contact with the underside of his shaft.
you give it a long, slow lick to the tip, using the tip of your tongue to poke and lick his slit. pre-cum gathers on your tongue as you flatten and swirl it around his tip.
hyunjin hums softly, spreading his legs wider and sinking into the material of the sofa. his head kicks back as his eyes close, his black permed hair falling behind him.
you wrap your lips around him, suckling on his tip whilst swirling your tongue around it a few more times to get it soaked in your saliva. you lazily stroke the base, occasionally rolling and squeezing his balls.
you embrace his length by engulfing it. the warmth and wetness of your mouth sends shivers down to hyunjin's balls and cock, making him twitch in your mouth. you hum around his length which makes hyunjin shiver and part his lips to let out soft moans and grunts.
your eyes flutter shut. you allow yourself to focus and get lost in pleasuring your boyfriend. his breathy pants and moans in the form of your name encourages you. you manage to get half his length, if not a little more, in your mouth but not without gagging a few times and feeling like you cannot breath.
saliva accumulates and drips from the stretched corners of your mouth. it gathers and pools at the base, coating your hand and making it uncomfortable for you. you swallow the saliva, swallowing him in the process. throat clenching around his thick cock causes hyunjin to gasp out loud.
he looks down at you, phone still being held at a decent length considering the current state he is in. he grabs a fistful of your hair, bundling it up to yank at. you let out a pained whimper, eyes squeezing shut.
wet, sloppy sounds paired with the occasional pop when you release him from you mouth mixes in the living area. hyunjin can't control his moaning. your spit and tear stained face a stark contrast to your usual innocent and clean look.
he just wants to dirty you even more.
“i can never get over how fucking good you are at giving head, yn.”
you smirk, giving him a simple hum before engulfing his length again. you suck, lick, fondle and hum causing hyunjin to come closer and closer to the edge. his grip on your hair tightening, his balls straining as heat pools to the pit of his stomach.
“fuck, cum. i'm going to cum yn, shit.” hyunjin splutters. his hips buck up suddenly, tip hitting the back of your throat causing you to gag as his fluids shoot and coat your throat. he heavily pants, body twitching and muscles spasming.
you swallow the best you can, pulling away to lick his tip and your lips clean.
“shit..” hyunjin pants, stopping the recording and putting his phone down. “that was fucking amazing.”
“seems like you enjoyed it a bit too much hyun.” you smirk, eyes flickering to his still hardened cock.
without a word, hyunjin rises to his feet and picks you up in one swift motion. he walks to the bedroom, opening the door and throwing you on the mattress before stripping himself of his clothing.
“i just want so much more of you yn. you're addictive.”
—
“f-fuck! ah, h-hyun. c-cant, i can't!”
“you can, i know you can!”
you let out a shaky whimper. bodies slick with sweat and body fluids, hyunjin driving you to your nth orgasm of the night. feeling sticky in cum and juices paired with the suffocating heat of hyunjin's body–it's all becoming a little overwhelming.
your body has been put in various positions. love bites, nail indentations and red marks decorate each others skin. hyunjin is approaching his limit but he's too hungry for you.
the overstimulation of each thrust is too much for you both, but you're both addicted to each other, to the feeling. you desperate cling and claw at hyunjin, whilst he hisses in pain. your cunt is sensitive but so warm and sloppy that hyunjin just doesn't know if he can stop.
“good.. good. so good, fuck yn.” he blabbers as his hips snap against yours. his bottom lip swollen from biting down too much and too hard, his hair slicked back and in place thanks to the sweat from his body.
“please don't stop. keep going, fuck.” you pant. you're both drunk and hazy from lust and love. neither one of you knowing what you're saying. everything is just a daze, it's just you two in the moment.
the bed creaking, sheets tangled and pillows nowhere to be seen. you're both going to have an earful from the neighbours when you see them; not that any of you care.
“your pussy just feels so good. it's so tight and wet. i'm being sucked in and you hold me so well.”
hyunjin's body is buzzing off adrenaline. he feels like he is being sucked into you, his mind and soul being lost into the abyss. he wants so much more of you, more than you can give.
hyunjin continues on with his blabbering, his eyes half lidded and glossy. lips parted, chest heaving. his movements show no signs of slowing down as he drives his cock deep inside you multiple times to hit that sweet spot of yours, driving you both closer and closer to the edge.
you babble along with him. hands reaching out from something to cling onto in hopes you come back down to reality–but nothing. with each drive of hyunjin's cock, with each hit of your g-spot, your body tingles and mind numbs over more and more.
the pits of your stomachs on fire, burning and tensing. you look at hyunjin to be met with pleading and desperate eyes. he grips onto your waist, movements now slow, sloppy and desperate.
“i want.. i need to–” his own sentence interpreted as his orgasm suddenly hits him. you clench around him as he empties himself inside you, filling you up some more to the point where you leak out onto the sheets.
your own orgasm hits you, knocking the air out off your lungs and making you arch you back off the bed. you both heavily pant as hyunjin slowly pulls out off you. you shiver at the feeling of cum and juices seeping out of you.
hyunjin looks at it sheepishly, feeling somewhat guilty. he knows he lost his senses during the process, he got drunk of you.
“sorry..”
“don't be. you know i love it when you're like that.” your body heavy with exhaustion. without a word, hyunjin rushes to the bathroom and grabs a wet flannel. he gently cleans you up, being delicate around your delicate areas as well as any sores, bruises or marks that may seem or look painful on your body.
“how long do you think you will do the onlyfans thing?” hyunjin asks before resting next to you. you think for a second, shrugging before looking at him.
“i don't know. until i get bored and feel like i have enough money, i guess. and you?”
“same. would you want to do it with more people?”
“what? like a threesome?” you smirk.
“yeah.”
“mhm, maybe. depends on who it is though. would have to be a close friend of ours. think it's safer than having a stranger.”
“that's true. plus i'd feel at ease if it was a close friend.”
“i have one question though, baby.” you sit up slowly, hyunjin following suit to help you.
“what is it?”
“would you want it to be man or woman?”
“mhm.. i don't really care if i'm honest babe.”
“same. i'm down for whatever, however, would you be able to manage seeing another person going down on me?”
“when you put it that way, i don't think i would. i think i'd get too jealous.”
“yeah, me too. seeing another person suck on your cock just fuels me with jealousy.” hyunjin let's out a small laugh, kissing your cheeks tenderly.
“maybe threesomes are not for us then, darling.”
“maybe not. let's just stick to posting on onlyfans for a while.”
note: this wasn't my original idea for hyunjin. i wanted to bring back an old fic from the dead but no matter how many scenarios, how many times i deleted and started over, it just didnt/wouldn't work. so i accepted that it wasn't going to work instead of stressing myself over it and created this mess instead, lmao. don’t forget to leave feedback, reblog and tell me what you think here. curious as to what is next? here is my wips list! i hope you all enjoy! ‹3
tags (open): @sstarryoong ; @oshimee ; @septicrebel ; @bbujiikseu ; @cixrosie ; @alyszaen ; @writerracha ; @hyunluvxo ; @aestheticsluut ; @xcookiemonsteer
#kwritersworldnet#wkcnet#straykidsland#skz smut#stray kids smut#hyunjin smut#hwang hyunjin smut#hyunjin x you#hyunjin x reader#hwang hyunjin x you#hwang hyunjin x reader#skz x you#skz x reader#stray kids x you#stray kids x reader#skz oneshots#stray kids oneshot#skz scenarios
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pillow talk
synopsis: the three times in which you sleep over at seungmin's childhood home as his friend and the one time you're something more.
pairing: non-idol!seungmin x gn!reader
genre: hurt, comfort, angt
warnings: mentions of abandonment, reader is an orphan and in foster care, swearing, food
word count: 3.3k words
now playing: you make me feel - easha
requested: by the lovely @booksndpoetry
a/n: wrote this is two days no wonder it's so bad (pls dont kill me)
"the colors of your love came so suddenly"
The first time you slept over at his childhood home was accompanied with the dull throb and apprehension of yet another new beginning.
Your one solitary bag and the pillow that was your only prized possession were the only things you had with you. Your bag hung off one shoulder and the pillow was clutched to your chest.
You found yourself wondering what Seungmin's family was like. Being a pessimist, you didn't hope for the best and braced yourself for the worst. When the door opened, warm yellow light spilled through the silhouette of a middle-aged women and temporarily blinded you.
Your posture slightly relaxed. Families with an abundance of yellow lights rarely mistreated you.
Your situation was laughable really. You weren't even a full two weeks into the Jang's care, and yet the neglect had already begin.
Stop, you told yourself, at least they were willing to take your old ass in. The Jangs' were away for a business trip and informed you last minute that their flight had been cancelled. They told you to g once she locked up left.
It wasn't that you weren't grateful to the Jangs; but the years you had spent being grateful and getting nothing in return caused you to offer a cautious thanking to their actions. They were sweet to you so far, but you didn't blame them for wanting you out of the house when you were gone.
Foster kids and newly adopted kids had a history of stealing, and while you had never done the same, the feeling of paranoia was one that you were well accustomed to.
Mrs. Kim had a kind, slightly wrinkled face and a wide smile. "Hello dear. You must be Y/N. Come in, come in. Don't stand in the cold for too long."
You could instantly feel the maternal protection that radiated from Mrs. Kim, something you felt in dots and dashed from Mrs. Jang. You knew the Jangs cared, but they didn't quite know how to care. You knew that the Kims had two kids however, an older daughter in college and a boy, sixteen and your age.
Younger you would be mentally cartwheeling in happiness at the thought of being under the care of Mrs. Kim, even if it was for a night. Older you couldn't care less.
Two years until I leave the fucking system for good.
You shifted uncomfortably as you gazed around the house. Wow. It was well decorated and definitely reflected the luxury that the Kims resided in. Everything in sight was in warm and inviting shades of color that made you feel very appreciative.
Interior design had always been a point of interest for you. You realized that there was a lot you could learn about a person from the way they designed their home.
Mrs. Kim turned to look at you. "Ah, you'll be in Seungmin's sister's room. I have told him to clean it up, so you won't have to worry about that. His father is out playing golf, but he'll be home soon too."
Mrs. Kim handed you a glass of water which you accepted with a genuine smile. You were gazing at the family portraits on the wall as you sipped quietly. The entire family looked like they were surrounded by an aura of calm, unbothered by the qualms of the world.
Oh how sweet would it be, to live like that.
"Can I- can I go change upstairs please?" you asked Mrs. Kim softly.
She looked up from the chopping board, lettuce diced evenly. "Oh, of course darling. No need to ask. As long as you're here, this house is yours."
"Seungmin!" she yelled to an unknown entity who must have been on the second floor of the house.
"Coming!" yelled back Seungmin.
The sweetness of his voice took you aback. Just one word made you crave to hear more. His voice was smooth and rich like honey, washing over you. You wondered if he had an inclination towards music, singing in particular; with a voice like that, it would be a shame if he wasn't.
Footsteps pounded down the stairs and a boy with a black t-shirt and grey sweatpants appeared in front of you and Mrs. Kim. He was cute, almost puppy like, with flappy hair and defined features. Seungmin bounded over to his mother and looked at you curiously.
"Seungmin, this is Y/N. Take her upstairs, will you?" Mrs. Kim asked.
"Okay," Seungmin replied.
You extended you hand. "Hello. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."
Seungmin accepted with a non-judgmental, but curious expression. Mrs. Kim visibly smiled into the large pot she was currently stirring, clearly amused at your outdated usage of language. You cringed internally, mentally cursing the British family that you were with for two years from the age of five for forcing you into greeting people this way.
"It's nice to meet you to," his warm hand grasped yours and let go with a firm shake.
"Come on," said Seungmin, cocking his head towards the stairs in front of you.
You followed his slowly, taking in the houses beauty. Somehow, everything worked with everything. This must have been artistic living.
Seungmin opened his sister's bedroom door and motioned you to go in. You gave him a small smile, if it could be called that, and shut the door. When you turned around, you were met with a lot of surprise.
When Mrs. Kim mentioned that Seungmin was cleaning up the room for you, you were prepared to face a light skimming and dusting of things. In reality though, everything was meticulously arranged and kept in it's place.
Such level of neatness was slightly terrifying.
You changed and kept your things to one side. When you came out, you went downstairs with the clear intention of trying to get a read on the enigmatic Kim Seungmin.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
This was going to be a disaster.
Both you and Seungmin were quiet by nature. Albeit for different reasons, you both sat awkwardly, waiting for the other person.
Seungmin was quiet because he liked observing. He was a listener, and enjoyed hearing what others had to say rather than talking himself. He found the art of listening to be the most brilliant that there was.
You, on the other hand, were forced into being quiet to the point where you forgot what it was like to hold meaningless conversation. All your life, you had been taught that the key to a successful life in the foster system was to remain submissive and deferential.
You never even bothered to make connections with people. You had learnt the hard way that when you bounced around houses and cities, it was difficult to maintain contact with people. You had made up your mind at just the tender age of eight that making friends, hell even acquaintances, was pointless. You were just saving yourself and the other person from future heartbreak.
As a result of being alone so much, you didn't exactly know how to hold conversation with people in your age range.
"So, uh, wanna do something?" Seungmin asked.
You shrugged. "Sure."
You both sat in his basement, a bowl of popcorn in between and half drunk iced tea beside you. Seungmin was very respectful, not once brining up your living situation. He brought the drink to his lips and downed the rest (which was very little) in one go.
"Okay, um, twenty questions?" He asked.
You instantly felt discomfort rise in you. Ah, here it was. His opening to ask you intrusive questions. "I- fine," you relented.
You were ready for whatever shade he was going to throw at you. He didn't ask about your personal life apart from the usual questions (favorite color, movie, etc.) a single time. You were slowly warming up to him.
"Last question. What's something you haven't told anyone?" asked Seungmin innocently.
You snorted, "Why would I tell you that?"
Seungmin smirked, "I mean, I'm very trustworthy. Plus, it's always better to tell your secrets to a stranger rather than a person you know."
You found it strange, but conceded. It felt nice to talk to someone after so long.
"You know the pillow I brought with me, right? That's the most important thing in my life. I was found near a train station laid on top of it, covered in a blanket and a sweater. Those were taken away from me a long time ago, but the pillow was something I fought to keep."
You finished nonchalantly, suppressing a laugh at Seungmin's expression of pure shock.
"I was expecting something along the lines of breaking something fancy or something. I mean, I was going to tell you about the time I broke into my parents liquor closet but chickened out and never drank anything."
You regarded him with a guarded smile. Kim Seungmin was an enigma, but for the first time in your life, he was one which you felt an odd temptation to solve.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
The second time you slept over at his childhood home was full of fear and anticipation that was directed towards your college entrance exams tomorrow.
Although the Jangs never formally adopted you, you had stayed with them for close to two years now. You formed an interesting bond with Seungmin: you weren't quite friends, but you understood each other on a deeper level.
Seungmin was easily the only person you would talk to. You both started engaging in combined study sessions, filled with silence interrupted only by a pen scratching against paper or a groan of frustration.
The night before, you needed to go to Seungmin's house to revise. Or rather, to confess.
You were pacing in his room as he lay on his bed. Seungmin was on his back, flipping through one of his textbooks. Finally, he let out a sigh.
"Alright. What is it?" he asked.
"I need to get the top score," you insisted. Seungmin looked at you with a raised eyebrow.
"Everyone does," he said matter of factly.
"No, everyone wants it, but I need it," you repeated.
Silence with Seungmin was never uncomfortable, post your initial interaction. Silence with Seungmin alleviated your tensions. This silence, however, felt pressing.
"Tell me something you have never told anyone," he asked you quietly.
The routine asking of this question had become a habit between you two now. Whenever you noticed that the other was shifty, holding something back, this was their cue to tell you what was wrong.
"I'm being selfish," you groaned, "I need to so that my name gets published somewhere, anywhere, so that my birth parents know I'm alive and find me. I'm not giving them the liberty of me searching for them. They lost that a long time ago. If they want me, it's them who need to look for me."
You plopped onto Seungmin's office chair and pointlessly spun in circles. He studied you carefully.
After a pause, he responded, "I'll be honest. You are being selfish. You want this, no, apparently need this for reasons that have nothing to do with your future studies, which is what college entrance exams are all about. But considering you situation, I believe it's completely justified."
You instantly felt at ease. This boy you only know for two years astoundingly always knew the right thing to say.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
You and Seungmin had the house to yourself. His parents were visiting his sister, helping her settle into her new apartment. You ads Seungmin had to share his room, the other rooms stored with his sister's things that needed to be moved.
You were practically asleep in his bedroom but an uneasy churning in your stomach kept you awake. You could hear Seungmin lightly open the door and step inside.
"Wait, I'm gonna go get the air mattress," he voiced in the dark room.
You turned towards him. "No, just sleep with me."
"You sure?" He asked.
Seungmin knew about your hesitancy towards forming attachments and committing. You hummed in affirmation, knowing that he would get little to no sleep on the air mattress and wouldn't let you sleep on it either.
He slid in beside you, his face facing yours. You both just looked into each other's eyes until you broke away, turning to the other side. Seungmin felt a part of his heart chip away for reasons he couldn't really identify.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
You felt bile work it's way up your throat and knew you wouldn't be able to suppress it. Carefully getting out of bed to make sure Seungmin didn't wake up, you made your way to the bathroom.
Routinely swallowing your vomit, you got to the bathroom and without even switching on it's lights, heaved out the contents of your stomach as quietly as possible.
Or so you thought. A drowsy Seungmin materialized at the doorway, turning on the light and watching you in concern. You flushed the toilet and violently splashed your face with water.
"Being half asleep is a very good look on you," he mumbled dryly.
"Likewise," you panted, an apologetic expression on your face.
You hated physical touch. Seungmin knew you hated physical touch. But when you reached over to lightly squeezed his hand as an apology, Seungmin felt a similar constriction in his chest.
To Kim Seungmin, you were a mystery he hadn't quiet solved, but he was still, willing to do anything for you, and the unfamiliarity of such a feeling scared him beyond belief.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
The third time you slept over at his childhood home was full of nostalgia and memories.
You both were twenty two, finishing up your undergraduates, when you mentioned to Seungmin in passing that you would be in town on your way for an assignment that would require you to travel. Seungmin jumped at the idea of you staying with him, since he was house sitting for his parents that very weekend.
Seungmin would be lying if he said that he wasn't hurt by your slowly decreasing contact. Conversation between you both slowly dwindled, but he never pried as to why. He understood that you rarely ever maintained an attachment, and that he was lucky for what he had.
You wondered what it would be like when you went back. The Jangs had never fostered a child after you, but never called you their daughter. They maintained contact with you but never attended events like graduation.
Still, deep down, at the end of the day, you knew you carried two things in your heart: Your now battered pillow and Seungmin.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
You both were sitting in his backyard, legs crossed over each other on Seungmin's folding chairs. Stars littered the sky the way they littered his eyes, and you couldn't help but be entranced by the wistful gaze that Seungmin held.
"Tell me something you have never told anyone," you asked, leaning your head over, near his shoulder. Just a few inches, and it would placed on it.
Just a few inches, and everything would mean something.
Seungmin knew his words carried gravity, but he was tired of walking on coal around you.
"I missed you," he said, a near whisper.
You stilled. "Your turn," came his voice after an eternity.
"I talk to my pillow sometimes. I pretend like it's a family member. It stopped, when I used to live here. But it grew in frequency during college. There is something inherently wrong with me, and I think that it's either me being undeserving of love or me never having been loved."
When your voice finally faded, Seungmin turned to look at you. Your eyes were glassy and unfocused. He wanted nothing more than to shake some sense into you, tell you that you were loved. Hell, he was proof, if you needed it.
"You're loved. If you weren't you wouldn't be here," Seungmin said hoarsely.
You snorted in response. "Yeah, I sure as hell wouldn't be here if I was loved."
Your words stung but Seungmin wasn't deterred. "I love you," he said softly.
Your eyes widened fractionally and you turned to look at him. "What?"
"No," he laughed, "Not that way. I love you as a friend, a confidant, as someone I know I can always talk too. Not... whatever it was you were thinking."
You visibly eased under the effects of his words, but noticed that Seungmin didn't do the same. His body was still tense, still rigid.
"What is it?" you asked.
"I- I know I said I love you as a friend but," Seungmin's voice faltered.
"But?" you prodded, your own heartbeat increasing with each passing moment.
"I would be falsifying my emotions if I said there weren't times when I wanted to love you in different ways as well. Romantically. Intimately. Devotionally," he added in an uncharacteristically shy tone, "If you'll have me."
And you realized, with a start that you did want him. But doubts started plaguing your mind, started seeping into your body and mixing with your being. What is the pain of it was so irreparable that you would never be able to love, if you ever could in the first place, again?
"What if I can't recognize your love for love?" you questioned meekly.
"Then I'll say it to you everyday. Platonically at first, romantically, maybe, afterwards, but I'll say it to you every single day. If every hour if you want me too. Because it's the truth."
You felt the warmth that accompanied thoughts of Seungmin blooming in the pits of your stomach. Or maybe it was the barbecued chicken you just ate. In the heat of the moment, you weren't quite that sure.
"And what if I can't love you? All I have ever known towards this world is hate."
"Then I'll teach you. We have all the time in the world to do so. If all you have known is hate, then love should come easily. They're very similar emotions," Seungmin said softly.
He hesitantly moved his hand towards yours, and laced his fingers through the pads of your knuckles. You did the same and moved you head to place it on his shoulder. Now, everything did mean something.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
The fourth time you had slept over at his childhood home, Seungmin taught you that love could be found in every aspect of the world.
It was hidden in the way sparrows flew towards each other in the summer, in the way mothers looked at their children and the way a child looked at candy. It came in droppings, reflected in the way you felt about rain and cherry blossoms.
Seungmin taught you how love was found in the grand and the simple.
Love was when he sent you large bouquets of roses that you had know idea where to keep and the surprise picnics you planned for him. It was the coffee he prepared for you every morning without question and the way you paused whatever you were watching when he had to step out for a phone call.
At the Kim house, you experienced even more love.
Sisterly love, when Seungmin's sister showed off the clothes she brought for you. Maternal love, when Mrs. Kim squealed in excitement when she spotted you holding Seungmin's hand. Paternal love, when Mr. Kim placed a bet against his team while giving you a wink. Brotherly love, when Seungmin's cousin tried to steal food off your plate.
You felt love everywhere, and slowly but surely, you spread love everywhere.
That night, Seungmin held you close and sang into your hair the way he did every night.
"I love you," he yawned, and snuggled into you.
And, you wanted to say it back. Mustering up the courage, you replied, "I think I love you too. No, I know I love you too."
Seungmin looked at you in astonishment and you realized that you were right all along.
He did have stars in his eyes.
You didn't know much about love. You were still learning, still faltering. But you knew one thing for certain: the love you held for Seungmin and the love he held for you would never go away.
please reblog and comment if you liked this fic! it means everything to me and I love reading your thoughts <3
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first nights
AN: this will have little smut, i wont actually add any smut
summary: you and jack have been dating for a while but never actually went to each others house and one night on a date you suggest you and jack should go back to your place.
requested by a lovely anon🌸
stinka💕- baby im outside.
you- ok, im putting on my shoes then im coming.
you quickly put on your shoes and started walking outside to find jacks car in front your driveway.
you sped walked to the car trying to not keep jack waiting.
once you got into the car jack handed you a bouquet of flowers.
“thank you baby boy.”
“of course, you ready to go?” “yup”
jack started driving as you and him started catching up on things being as thorough you both hadn’t talk in a few days since he had things to catch up on in the studio and tour and you had been busy with school and your business which was doing amazing at the moment.
“hows maggie been babe? i haven’t been able to talk to her in a while.”
“shes really good, shes been asking about you to.”
“ill call her after the date maybe me and her could catch up.”
the rest of the car ride you and jack were sining to music mostly 2000’s music.
jack pulled up and the restaurant and stopped the car, coming over to your side to help you out.
“thanks sweet boy”
once jack helped you out you started walking in the restaurant jack following close behind you.
jack went to speak to speak with one of the servers to let then know he had a reservation.
“right this way sir!”
“baby come on.”
jack started holding your hand as you both walked behind the server to your table.
once you were say you ordered a water and jack ordered a dr. pepper.
the waiter came back with your drinks and took your oder and left.
“what you wanna do after we leave mamas?”
“uhm i was thinking we could go back to my place?”
“you sure?” “only if you want to of course.”
“yea im fine with it, your place it is,” jack gave you a quick smile and took a sip out of his drink
the waiter came back with you and jacks food and you both ate and talked about jacks new songs.
jack paid the bill and you left a $20 tip.
you and jack left jack started walking to the car, jack opened the door for you and you sat in the car and put on your R&B playlist.
“IM COMING BACK FOR GOOD SO LET THEM N*GGAS KNOW ITS MINE! ALREADY GOT SOMEONE THATS WHAT YOU TELL ‘EM EVERYTI-“ “that’s enough baby, you sound drunk!”
you quickly put a pout on your face and turned on your playlist for jacks music.
“and i know you just..hate to see it, can’t imagine bein’ you oo i hate to be it im done faking humble actin like ian conceited ‘cause bitch i am conceited. you know you cant defeat it.”
once you and jack arrived at your house you took off your shoes by the door and started walking upstairs to your room, jack following quickly behind you.
“babe im going to take a shower you wanna join?”
“i dont have any extra clothes mamas.”
“oh..” “i’ll go run home and get some clothes and i’ll be right back, wait for me mk?” “ok!”
jack gave you a kiss and walked out the door
after about 15 minutes you heard a knock on the door.
you quickly went to go open the door and found jack with a big bag full of clothes.
“hi baby”
“hi ma”
you let jack in and he went back to your room, you followed behind him.
he placed his bag on the floor next to your bed and sat down in your chair.
“did you bring your toothbrush?” “fuck.” “i have extra, come here.”
you handed jack the toothbrush and you both started brushing your teeth.
once you were done jack took off his clothes and started to get in the shower and a little after you joined him.
you grabbed the soap and a small towel and started washing jack off.
once you got around his dick you started cleaning it of very slowly making sure to look up at him every so often.
jack was grunting trying his hardest not to moan.
“fuck baby” “oopise”
you bent down and started cleaning up the rest of his body.
once you were done with him, he grabbed another towel and started cleaning you off, he he started making his way to you lower stomach he bent down and started kissing up your inner thighs.
“fuckk jack” you hands went in his hair and he placed a small kiss on your clit and pulled back.
you quickly let out a whine and he chuckled st you.
“oopsie”
“asshole.” “i just did you what you did me, nothing wrong with that mmh?”
jack finished cleaning you off and you both got out the shower.
“jack im about to do my skincare, can you do it with me??” “baby im tired” “please??” “fine”
you and jack went to your vanity and you pulled up an extra chair for jack to sit in.
you put on your headband and grabbed an extra one for jack.
“do you want to do a clay mask, peal off, or a sheet mask?” “sheet” “ok”
you put your soap on you and jacks face, wiped it off then put the face mask on jack.
“JACK!” “huh!?” “stop touching it! your going to mess it up!” “sorry mamas”
after 20 minutes you and jack took off your masks, you put some moisturizer on you and jack, then put eye cream on you both then put your liquid lotion on, not wanting to put it on jack went to lay in bed.
“jack baby” “yes mamas?” “what you wanna do?” “cuddle and watch a movie?” “sure baby.”
you cleaned off your vanity and went to lay down with jack.
you laid on top of his chest and started kissing him all over his pretty face while he laughed.
you stopped kissing his face and started sucking on his neck.
“baby your going to leave a mark, your sucking me like a vampire.” you detached yourself from his neck “put on a movie and shit up jack.” you quickly went back to sucking on his neck after.
jack ended up putting on your favorite movie and grabbed onto your ass.
“jackkk!” “yes ma?” “im tired.” “me to mamas” “can you turn off the movie and we can go to bed?” “sure.”
jack turned off the movie and put his hands back on his resting place.
once jack knew you were asleep he started kissing your forehead and whispering how much he loved you and would do anything for you.
#jack harlow x reader#jack harlow#jack harlow fluff#jackman thomas harlow#jack harlow imagine#jack harlow fanfic#jack harlow x y/n#jack harlow x you#jack harlow x black reader
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