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#Waking up friends in an annoying way
justanechoflower · 5 months
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Hey better time than ever,
I walk up to the box and scream from the top of my lungs, "HELLO FLOWEY!!! I CAN BE IN YOUR UNIVERSE NOW!!!"
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(That is a nosebleed flowey did not puncture your eye just for clarification I just drew the blood spurt too high and it does not look right)
M!A Count:
4/10 - Sleepy
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sonknuxadow · 7 months
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sorry but i really really do Not like the ideas people have of sonic actually liking amy back and being too shy to admit it. or that sonic SHOULD agree to be amys boyfriend because amy "deserves it after waiting for so long" and by not doing that sonic is mean or immature or leading her on. or that yeah sonic isnt interested Now but they Will get married as adults. or whatever people go around saying.
for the entire time amy was actually open about her crush and trying to get sonic to date her he would almost always either outright reject her or just not say anything but still obviously be uncomfortable or annoyed by it. to say that he actually has always liked her or that he Should like her just feels like youre saying his feelings of not being interested in amy or romance in general arent valid and are a problem that needs to be fixed. that he MUST be with amy just because she likes him and he needs to get over any discomfort he has with the idea because he doesnt have a choice. its like people are so obsessed with shipping that theyre ignoring sonics feelings or at the very least prioritizing amys over his . Hello can anyone hear me
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kkujo · 9 months
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something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍
#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST#talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it.#talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix#paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to#immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them#not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely#myself in my head yk#and it's so isolating#and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it#oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this#< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as#into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be#like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine#it's so fucking isolating#i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like#fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely#< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭#it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do#and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense#because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying#and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality#just if i talk about something a little too much#bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me#but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are#idk#anyways !
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foxgirlmoth · 4 months
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I wish strong feelings and emotions had a better way to feel like they translate to physical space. For me, personally, I get that shit cranked to 11 and if I can't get that shit out there and verbalized or shown it ends up making me cry. Fear about loss and change and thinking 30 years into the future? Cry. Have so much love in your body at once and can't let enough of it get shown to those who matter to you? Cry a whole lot. I used to put it towards art and especially personal poems or made up song lyrics or something but idk. I can't be staying up sobbing at 4 am due to random thoughts. Its always when I feel like I'm doing my best that this happens, idk if its just processing everything.
I know my emotional regulation skills aren't the best and I often go from a thousand yard stare to crying or a laughing fit or something. I don't want to be like this really, and often times this does happen when I think about loved ones a lot when I'm alone and I just end up wishing I was around someone I can feel loved by and love so much. Maybe I just want to be anywhere besides this 'home' where I know I'm actively seen as a nuisance and treated as a lesser person.
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faggatini · 4 months
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i cannot do another year of this shit. im so serious. i can’t do it
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pilotstreets · 1 year
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god. not to be sad online. but im sad online
#um. sorry i went on a really really long rant abt my emotions in the tags. hehehoho im sad!#im just like. there's no way im getting older. i feel like i haven't changed since i was 14 and i feel so disconnected from everything#my birthday is in like 3 weeks but i keep thinking im turning 15 or 16 again and i'll be able to live my teenage years again and#do it right this time or something but no! that's not how that works! obviously!#when my best friend turned 18 she immediately started saying ''im an adult im different im older'' but like#i think about how i'll be 18 soon and im just scared and im going to be holding onto teenage years and#fantasies about them that will never happen and it's just exhausting#i know i sound like such a dramatic teenager but i AM a dramatic teenager!#i had so much shit happen to me that made me lose out on so much of being a teenager and it's like#crushing that i'll never get those years back and other peoples choices ruined my life before i had a chance to have much of one#and i've missed out on so many experiences that all my friends got and i feel such a barrier between me and other people#for that reason and i also feel a disconnect between me and literally everybody i know#and making friends is literally impossible for me anymore and i just feel like i keep losing friends and one day i'll wake up and#i won't have anyone anymore. and i find it hard to talk to people who were my best friends for awhile and i just fall deeper into this#pit of loneliness every day and there's nothing i can do so i just give up. i dunno#im so tired and im just so so lonely and done with. existing#and im also never anybody's first choice which is always annoying but#and it's just.... heartbreaking to think about how my best friend will never choose me when her other best friend is there and#how when we all hang out they're both actually mean to me and there's just nothing i can do other than text my mom and cry#and it makes me doubt how much she cares if she gets that way so easily y'know?#ugh it's all juvenile problems but they just weigh so heavily on me :/#okay enough oversharing online for the night im going to sleep now. then tomorrow i'll just#have the same thoughts and it'll only get worse
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bumblingbabooshka · 1 year
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The Pathways Novel is the holy grail of young Tuvok characterization because I can just sense so clearly through the page how insufferable he would be to talk to
#and let me tell you? insufferable IS affectionate with a million hearts drawn around it#A girl confessed her love to him and he basically grabbed her by the shoulders and said Sophie....please get ahold of yourself!#Remember WWJD!! and she has to be like '.....y e ah ok. yeah. sorry.' and then they parted ways forever#Tuvok at the monastery observing the other initiates like I'm the only one who /really/ gets what we're going for here but who am I to judge#I think the line is something like 'Tuvok despised what he thought to be the partaking in unncessary luxuries but he trusted that the elders#knew best'#I think Tuvok's life is just going through different particular types of Difficult-To-Talk-To#crybaby kid to know it all teen to wannabe priest to holier than thou initiate to when-I-was-your-age dad#then he FINALLY started chilling the hell out#AH I keep saying 'monastery' its a temple#I love Tuvok him being earnestly annoyed by others has fine-wined into dry remarks while definitely NOT rolling his eyes#Tuvok cares SO much is the thing. <3 guy who is full of not-love#Guy who makes terrible horrendous first impressions but then eventually worms his way into your heart (VERY unintentionally hes NOT trying)#It'd be funny if everyone liked T'Pel right away in contrast hehe...<3#Tuvok's parents' characterizations in that book are NOT canon to me though#also there's a funny moment where Tuvok is complaining about how their sons are (in his opinion) not disciplined enough#and when he looks to T'Pel for her opinion she's just fallen asleep#and he considers waking her up despite the fact that she JUST gave birth before going hmm.....better not.#Wise Choice Friend HEHEHEH....g od...dumbass <3
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nimomo-mo · 5 months
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Vent
#im so relieved that the only way you get to percieve me is through curated pictures and videos. that youll never see me in my bad days#or in my ugly clothes#or with horrible skin waking up with a hangover#youll never see my truly bad side#and im happy for that#your empty sweet promises lets me be the prettiest version of myself to you even if im not much to write home about compared to your friends#im perfectly fine with you never learning of my bad habits#never knowing how despicable i look when i cry or how pathetic i am about horror#not knowing how my body looks without posing#not knowing how i snore or how i am messy or how i dissociate staring into space#im happy you never get to see the truly ugly parts of me#even if youve already experienced me breaking down or being extremely attached over text#youll never have to handle that irl#thank god#i love you#your fake affection lets me pretend im better than i am#your many fake promises will never come true and thus you will never be disgusted by me#you wont have the chance to see me as anything but an annoying but averagely pretty person on the internet. im scared of meeting you.#and if you for some odd reason ever end up meeting me. i think it would hurt even more because once you leave youll never come back.#id never see you again. youd be out doing something else experiencing new exciting adventures meeting new gorgeous people#and giving empty promises to other love struck idiots like me. and theyll fall for you just as much. and theyll realise how youll never stay#youre never going to change#youre never going to belong to anyone. to anywhere. youll be a free person that destroys the hearts of us bystanders that you seduce#how am i ever to love someone else when you're this great. who would ever compare. who would even begin to be on your level.#i know youre so out of my league it catches me off guard every time you give me attention.#even if the only attention you give me is sexual.#it always leads to it being sexual.#i guess thats what im being kept around for#i wonder what you feel when you think of me. if you ever tell others about me. if you ever think of me. if i matter#but i know you dont feel anything. i know. im just another friend.
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eternitwo · 1 year
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why can’t i ever get better?
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ickymichi · 2 years
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just had the worst experience with a guy i slept with 2 weeks ago reggie wants to cry 🫶
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detectiveconnor · 2 years
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the issue with having a second human verse where connor was in love with a guy who turned out to be a serial killer (whom Connor had charged & convicted, because he figured it out before any of his colleagues actually employed in the homicide area saw it) -- the issue with having this verse now is that he keeps handing me little snippets of their life together before he knew David was a killer. of their life together before David started killing people. of their life together when things were good and he loved him and believed him when he said “we”, and “us”. (the problem is that after the conviction, and moving to detroit, connor has tried several different therapists but hasn’t found a single one yet who has offered him the fact he is allowed to Grieve for something that he isn’t sure ever really existed. but it felt real.)
#connor Would be - he - regular human verse connor has never had a therapist outside of the work-mandated ones#because he has not thought it would ..... he HAS thought it would benefit him before but he was denied access when he was young#and he pulled himself out of things. by himself. he worked So Hard to get through the things he got through but he got through them#but connor in human verse 2 would.... seek out a therapist. for months and months after the conviction he'd want to find...#'want' might be a little strong but he literally resigned from his work. he *loves* his work. it is a Low Point#and the people he would normally lean on are all either David's friends or know him through wanting to appeal to his mother#he can Identify He Would Benefit From Outside Support#so after moving to detroit he'd be looking. he just ... wouldn't ...#therapists are hard to mesh with and connor would be exacting. he knows what he wants out of therapy and there are a Lot of therapists#who would not offer it and that's fine. but they're not for him.#anyway#sometimes connor has dreams that are just memories and cries when he wakes up and it's very annoying because he Doesn't miss him#but it's very annoying and exhausting to be tired all the time (sleeping trouble - difficulty sleeping anywhere but at home)#and when he DOES get to sleep he sometimes has to dream about. missing him#sigh#anyway i just wrote about their first night together because connor handed it to me out of nowhere#thank you connor that's very sad actually#(human verse 2 connor is also. not really in control of the eating disorder. he is still trying to... he is still trying but)#(it's taken a backseat lately and he. has. it has been an easy way to try to get some sense of Control)#(he knows it is not healthy but *that* one in particular. the ED. is something he has only Ever *had* to do alone.)#(looked for help before and been Actively Degraded and ignored for it. he is still trying.)#eating disorder tw
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#apologies for being whiny yet again but alas humans r social creatures and i have no desire to interact with physical ppl lmao#its just that im so so tired. ive been working on this manuscript for the last 2 weeks and i hate it so much. so i spend all week like i#cant wait for the weekend when i can avoid this. but my obsessive brain must have something to get obsessive abt and if its not work then#its something else and rn i can feel it creeping into my drawing. like i just want to draw all the time. more and more and more. i can feel#the goalpost shifting on what's qualities as acceptable and on one hand i feel like ive gotten a lot better in a short period of time but#but also it means i sit there for like 6hrs coloring until my legs hurt and ive wasted so much time and i spend hours filpping back and#forth. unable to commit to drawing any one thing. which is very annoying. idk its just exhausting bc all i can think abt is all the things#i should be doing instead but im stuck there until i can get x thing done#and i put so much pressure on the time i have to draw that most of the time im too paralyzed to do anything#bc executive dysfunction annoyingness. and my brain makes me stay up so late and wake up so early. im just tired#so im making myself miserable in all aspects of life. like no. stop that. pls#its just this like crazy frantic anxious energy constantly spinning in my chest#and its like oh u should make friends or something so u can get out of ur own head but like idk ppl are exhausting and i dont like#listening to myself talk. i find it personally annoying lol. i feel like some sort of alien when i go to lab meetings. like i see what's#happening and i understand the structure but like in a synical way. like im not reacting how im supposed to. the interactions dont make me#feel anything. i feel the same way when i go to the zoo or something. like im supposed to feel something but its not there. im forming#memories but then when i hear ppl reminisce abt it. its like oh yea i guess that did happen. i dont have the fond memories u seem to have.#i dont feel anything abt it. so then whats the point of doing things like that? its just a waste of time and money if im not gonna enjoy it#my emotions seem to shift between light misery and an obsessive almost manic focus. so ill smile abt thing but something deep in my chest#feels wrong. weird emotional disonace. agh. idk its just annoying and ive gotta sort myself out b4 i have to take a like 18hr car ride with#my boss in like 3 weeks or something. blah! i should just sleep more. that would prob help#unrelated#in a lab meeting once i got asked what i do to relax and im like. i dont. and my boss was like what abt drawing?#and i was like ahah i like to draw but im so obsessive abt it that its something i have to do#so its not so much fun as it is stressful so yeah i dont relax
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lungfuls · 2 years
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sorry to relationship vent post online but I'm having really bad PMDD symptoms so I got mad at M for something that probably is just a little dumb but it's the culmination of being the only one (with 1 or 2 exceptions since I went back to work) who wakes up to take care of E in the morning or overnight the nights he doesn't sleep all the way through. I feel so lonely all the time. I can't talk to him about it because I know he'll have some reason he doesn't think he should have to wake up ever and even trying to argue against that is going to solidify my desperation more and as always I can't afford to be in that dark sort of place, it's worse every time I feel hopeless. I get more and more hopeless in the worst moments. I've been talking myself out of a suicide attempt for most of my life now and obviously I can't do that to my son so it's more important that I don't go there. in many other ways M has been an incredible partner and I love him, I love his company, he doesn't treat me badly. but I know if I was only counting on myself, I would have a better mentality because I wouldn't be watching my son's other parent sleep in until noon then not do any chores or anything while I work. it'd just be me figuring it out. but I don't know how to drive
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neverendingford · 10 days
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#tag talk#vent#I'm so fucking lonely and it doesn't have to be that way#I have someone I used to consider my best friend and they never have any fucking time for me ever#they say “yeah let's catch up!” and I'm willing to burn my schedule to the grouns for them but they never make time for me.#baby boy sweet prince I will call out of work sick just to have a good phone call with you#but you're too busy going out for drinks with transphobic coworkers you hate#you call me your friend but you never make time for me.#of we are friends but we never hang out then we're not actually friends anymore are we.#plus that thing where people buy you a video game with the express purpose of playing it with you and then they never do.#we played ror2 twice and never again. it's been since last summer and we never came back to it because you're too fucking busy I guess#I fucking hate when people are like “yeah let's hang out!” like... sure bitch let's. put your time where your intentions are.#I didn't stay alive just so I could get blue-balled with the false promise of genuine human connection#like. I guess I'm just not your priority I just wish you would admit it instead of claiming genuine intention when you have none#but if I cut things off somehow it'll be my fault because you claim to want to be friends so it'll be my fault suddenly#if I stop talking to you it'll be my fault even though none of your words have meant anything for months.#ughhhh I'm so fucking annoyed right now I wish I could depression nap and wake up tomorrow and go to work and forget this shit
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silouvertongues · 1 month
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read everything i know about love it and kinda put me in a lil depressive mood lol ??
#heard SUUUUCH good things about it but the first half of the book was so annoying sorry ?? the entitlement the privilege god it was insane#reading about her early twenties was so.... ill never live the life of a privileged white girl who thinks she's the center of the universe#and i dont WANT to but there was something about the way she just DID things made mistakes messed up did whatever the hell she wanted to#that made me feel so weird ?? idk i dont want her particular experiences i know for a fact i wouldnt enjoy any of that#but as i read through the book and got to the therapy chapters and the maturing chapters in her later twenties i was like...thats me Now#thats been me since i was 16 maybe?? which is fine ig its good to be mature or like not a Mess#but i just . i feel like i wasted my teens or i didnt like rame advantage of being a kid or even now im 22 and i ???? idk#i leave the the house like once in two weeks i have 2 friends i see barely even once a month#im too scared to drive i dont have a job it just SOOOO SICKENING#maybe it was covid and never having that in person uni experience maybe its just my own mental illness#reading the book kinda made me wish i got more out of those years i wish i had the chance to be carefree and do whatever the hell i wanted#<- WHICH OBVIOUSLY is something not everyone gets to do anyway i could feel the privilege dripping from those pages but still idk#generally feel like ive been sorta wasting away for at least a year now and reading the book just made me overthink it maybe#part of me is like well i just turned 22 maybe i have time but its like ?? i personally cant just wake up one day and decide to do whatever#ive got too much anxiety for that lol#h talks
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inkskinned · 7 months
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
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