#Whenever I make posts like this I always imagine myself as a crazy old person rocking back and forth in my chair

[whysamwhy123]

Seeing as I'm not going to ever write it now due to Recent Events, I've decided to babble on here about this terrible idea I had for a big, elaborate comedy/crack fic. If I had been able to pull it off, I would have wanted to post it on either Halloween or April Fools Day because it's very much supposed to be dumb. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

Keeping with my inability to come up with good titles, it was tentatively called ''Who Killed Tony Khan? A Hookhausen Mystery!''. At a company party where most of the AEW roster are gathered, Tony's giving a speech where he makes a mean joke about Danhausen, who decides to curse him. Tony then promptly dies on the spot, so now everyone thinks Danhausen is a murderer, no matter how much he insists the curse wasn't supposed to do that. He swears he's innocent. But no one's convinced. Other than Hook, that is. Naturally, Hook wants to clear the name of the man he loves so he and Danhausen have to team up once again, put on their detective hats and try to figure out what really happened to their boss and who's the true culprit. So the whole fic would have been a goofy romp with these two looking for clues, interrogating their co-workers and slowly piecing together the mystery. Obviously, it's not gonna happen now - I probably wouldn't have written it anyway because I'm nowhere near talented or smart enough to write a compelling mystery, but given the Stuff That's Happened recently, the whole inciting incident to that story now seems a lot less goofy and a lot more...distasteful. Plus, the dumb joke I was going to make at the end as a way to Deus Ex Machina the conflict away wouldn't work at all now (if you're curious, DM me about it, but fair warning, it's probably not funny to anyone other than me. And it's outdated now, anyway.)

Also...there were gonna be so many cocaine jokes in this fic. Like, enough that you could have made a drinking game out of it...

The thing is though...I still really want to write some kind of Hookhausen mystery fic! I don't know why but I really like the idea of Hook getting dragged into a situation so out of his element (like solving a fucking murder case - not exactly something in his usual wheelhouse) but willingly throwing himself into it because he just has to clear Danhausen's name. Why, yes, Acts of Service is one of my love languages, how did you know? So the more extreme examples of that, the better!

Hell, maybe I go even more out there and make it some kind of Film Noir AU. Hook as this young but still hard-boiled private eye, roped into some strange criminal plot with a heavy supernatural twist, thanks to Actual Demon Danhausen. I don't know, I just love dumb stuff like that, feels like it could be fun to play around with *shrugs*

[nerves-nebula]

Idk about your intentions, and feel free to ignore me if I’m wrong, but Mikey sounds like a maladaptive daydreamer lol.

Just some background, maladaptive daydreamers use these huge fictional worlds called paracosms to escape reality. Some people do it because of anxiety or stress, but some do it as like a coping mechanism (which is how I’d see Mikey doing it based on your dissociation post) People with maladaptive daydreaming can stim while doing it, like rocking back and forth, pacing, etc, but some can master the art of being able to sit still and just daydream whenever. There’s almost an addictive aspect to it, and a lot of daydreamers have to take adhd or anxiety meds to shake it

Would Mikey stim at first but learn to stay still after Splinter lectured him too many times? Would his paracosm be the book that he’s writing about killing splinter? Idk feel free to look at this like I’m crazy but this subject is very close to my heart as I’m a daydreamer myself.

OK SO like. I don't know. and I don't know if Mikey has maladaptive daydreaming for a specific reason.

That being that I'm basing him on myself. I spent a lot (AND I DO MEAN A LOT) of my time in my head as a kid. I don't really know what a paracosm is so I'm not sure if I was exploring within them. but there are huge chunks of my childhood i really only remember via the emotional exploration I was doing inside these fictional worlds. Like most of puberty for me was just imagining gay fictional gods and forbidden love and abuse and violence and at all that. and it's hard for me to tell if that was a bad thing because it's linked to a very integral part of my personality- that being the desire to tell and experience stories.

I was always dragging around paper and pencils to draw these imagined worlds. But i was also often just sitting with my eyes closed (or sometimes opened, but closed if I wanted to really focus)

if I was painfully bored, or very anxious (which happened often, basically any time i was outside the house or not watching tv or playing a game) I would do this. If I was stuck in a car or a room while my siblings were fighting violently, I would force myself to try to only think about my characters. If the talk radio host was getting on my nerves I would try to drown him out by thinking about my characters going through their worlds and getting in fights and having sex and all that stuff.

this got even better (or worse, considering how you think of it) once I got earbuds/headphones and access to my cousins old ipod. I was finally able to fully block out the world and only, ONLY ever think of my stories. just how I'd always wanted.

and sure, I was always kind of spacey, but even when I wasn't thinking of stories and art I was bad at paying attention the way adults liked. I think adults liked me more when I was just sitting there thinking anyway, instead of being hyper and then having an emotional breakdown when i realize they thought I was annoying.

There was a particularly vibrant time for daydreaming around puberty where i had dozens if not around a hundred different intricate stories that I started to overlap, just because. And I'd go through them over and over, adding or changing little things, making up reasons that the characters would all end up living in the same bunker or fighting the same enemy. making up reasons for the god of war and his little lamb prince to be torn apart. making up reasons for them to attack each other. then forcing them back together through all the trauma.

and recalling these spaces makes me kind of shiver because they're almost like real memories to me. I remember thinking of these scenarios more than I remember my real life around 11-12 years old. And i think that's largely because after I got my blackbelt at around 11 years old, my parents let me quit karate, and didn't force me to do any more sports or anything. So for the most part I legit never left the house. My entire life was in these stories and in my art.

I really only stopped doing this once I got sent off to high school at around 13-14 and was basically FORCED to participate in the real world more.

but I did that all on purpose. i was bored, and i hated other kids because they never clicked with me. and it never seemed to interrupt my life in a way that my parents noticed or cared about. in fact it was the only thing that kept me from being actively suicidal for a while there!

so like. i don't know man. i don't know.

[buckyownsmylife]

Like we did - John Winchester smut

The one where John hears you touching yourself and calling out his name.

Warnings: masturbation (m,f), the social construct of virginity, p in v, oral sex (f), dirty talk.

A/N: so this is for a request I got a while back! I hope you guys like it!

John’s P.O.V.

Another restless night. That’s what I was expecting when I got back to the bunker after a single dose of whiskey while the boys tried to find someone to go home with. Usually I’d be right there with them, trying my own luck in hopes of getting laid, but not tonight.

Tonight, the only person I wanted to bring back home was already there, but she wasn’t waiting for me.

Shit. I should be in hell for even thinking about her like this. She was Sam’s best friend, after all - young enough to be my daughter. I shouldn’t desire her like I did. And I should definitely not fantasize about her while she was sleeping in the bedroom right next to mine. 

But fuck, I was already doomed anyway. This wouldn’t make a difference in my permanently tainted slate.

Resigning to my fate and hoping that by giving my cock at least some sort of release I’d maybe be able to sleep, I stripped down to nothing and let myself fall down on the bed, staring at the ceiling as I tried to force any remaining guilt to disappear. I deserved this. It had been a lousy, stressful week, and I needed a way to get the tension out. Besides... she would never even know.

My dick throbbed in my fist as I slowly began to jerk myself, in no rush to get to the end as I sorted through the memories that I kept tucked away in a hidden corner of my mind specifically for nights like this one. The shock of meeting her at a run-down dinner, all short skirts and smiles as she shook my hand like I was seventy years old. How she looked with my jacket when I gave it to warm her up after we found her again during a hunt. The little smiles she gave me and the way she looked up at me from under her eyelashes whenever I said something that could be considered suggestive, right before Dean or Sam faked being repulsed by it. The smell of her when she had just showered, the fog from the warm water kind of filled with her, with her essence. I was convinced it was enough to make any living man hard, and if my sons didn’t notice it, it’s because they were dumbasses.

But I was happy that I didn’t have to worry about them taking advantage of the fact that I couldn’t pursue her and ended up dating the girl. I don’t know what I would do with myself - or actually, to them - if I had to deal with seeing my own sons’ hands all over the object of my desires.

In the middle of my walk down pleasure lane, I got so distracted by the feeling of my own fist tightened around my member as I now considered all of the stuff I wished I could do to her, that I barely heard it the first time it managed to slip through the gap in the door. 

The second time it floated around my bedroom though, it made me halt my movements all at once, at first startled to hear someone else in the bunker before realizing just who it was.

Y/N. And by the sounds of it, she was doing the exact same thing as me.

The realization awakened a new wave of desire inside of me, and I had to bite my lip to stop a groan from escaping. If I could hear her, that meant she could hear me too. 

Starting my movements again, I kept them slow enough to still be able to hear anything that might come from the room next door, thinking back on all the times I’d brought someone home and fucked them while thinking of her. Had she heard that too?

“Oh, God.” Sweet Lord, have mercy on my soul. Hearing her moans was one thing, but actual words, coming out in her voice when it was all breathy and whiny like that? I didn’t think I’d be able to keep hearing this without bursting.

I picked up my movements when I heard her whimper before saying another word, but I stopped abruptly when I couldn’t figure out what it was. Was it… Did she fucking moan out “Shawn?”

My heart was pounding as I sat up on the bed, trying to make sense of what I’d just heard. Who the fuck was Shawn? When did she have the time to meet someone ever since she joined us? Or maybe it was someone from her past? Either way, I did not like this at all…

“JOHN!”

This time the word was screamed at such a volume it was impossible to mistake it for anything else. It was my name. My name. She had just cum… screaming my name.

Before I could even realize what was happening, my feet had taken me out of my bedroom and right into hers, and I could only imagine what went through her mind as she tried to fight the post-orgasm haziness to understand what the hell was happening, as I burst through her door completely naked.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

John looked more feral than human as he stared at me, nostrils flared and cock looking painfully hard, but I was still under too much shock to properly react. Besides pulling the covers to hide my body from his gaze, there wasn’t a lot I could do - I wasn’t even sure of what I wanted to do, in the first place.

He looked so hungry, staring down at me completely naked, licking his lips like I was some prized meal he’d been dreaming of tasting. “I can smell your juices,” he commented, and I groaned in embarrassment, but still couldn’t deny the way my entire body tingled, as if calling out to him. 

And when he knelt on the bed, pulling me to meet his lips, that’s when I knew. I’d give him my body, my soul, whatever he wanted to keep getting intoxicated by the taste of his lips on mine.

“You are such a fucking tease, did you know that?” I seriously hoped he didn’t expect me to answer because as his hand trailed down my body, the sheets covering it slipping off of me, his fingers approached my leaking folds and I couldn’t think straight, couldn’t do anything else other than feel the way my clit pulsed in desperate need, like I hadn’t just cum thinking about the very man who was now touching me.

“Been dreaming of having my cock in you for so long,” he whispered against my skin, right when his digit met my throbbing nub, and he swallowed down the whimper I released by forcing my lips to dance with his. “Do you want it, sweetheart? Will you let me fuck you?”

It was so difficult to think with his thumb running circles over my clit, his beard tickling my skin as he rubbed his nose on the crook of my neck, but the question was much too important not to wake me from the spell he was casting on me.

“Y-You want to have sex with me?” John chuckled at my inquiry, that deep, comforting rumble that always made me feel warm inside, but I couldn’t feel relaxed by the familiar sound at that moment.

“How can you even doubt that?” He asked, reaching out to take my hand in his and I didn’t understand why until he was curling my fingers around his hardness, showing me just what he wanted me to do to his erection. Then he took off his hand, leaving me struggling to keep up with the movements he briefly taught me while waiting for my answer.

“B-Because n-no one has ever wanted to before.” The admission came easier than I thought it would, mainly because I was transfixed by my own actions and the member I held so carefully with my sweaty fingers. But then his hands were covering mine, steering me away from my new hypnotizing hobby, calling out for my attention.

“What the fuck do you mean?” I’d been around John for long enough to know that despite the seemingly harsh words, there was absolutely no heat in his tone, only curiosity. But I didn’t know what to say. I figured he’d understood what I meant, just didn’t believe me, and well… What explanation could I give other than the same one that had intrigued him?

When he realized I wouldn’t offer any further clarification, his eyebrows shot up, understanding clear in his features. I could easily hear my hearbeat spiral out of control, scared that this would be a turn off for him, that he wouldn’t want me anymore. I couldn’t even believe that he wanted me in the first place, what the hell would John Winchester see in a little virgin girl, anyway?

“No. There’s no fucking way.” Still, there was no sign of anger or repulse in his voice, only genuine surprise. I remained speechless, looking up at him with fearful eyes, until his arms reached out to embrace and pull me onto his lap. “Fuck, come here. Let me kiss you.”

This time when he pried my lips open to accept his tongue, it was sweeter, even gentle. There was still hunger, it was clear that he wanted me - I could feel his desire in the hard member that was pressed to my navel, instinctively making me grind against him. 

The whimper that escaped my lips had him smiling against my mouth. “You really are innocent, huh? Been driving me crazy all this time, and you had no idea.” A new flood of wetness came and I gasped as I struggled to hold myself on his shoulders, his rough hands forcing me to keep up with the movements I’d been making.

“So fucking beautiful,” he whispered, and I opened my eyes to find him looking at me with an expression that I couldn’t define, an expression that made my heart beat faster than it ever did before. “And you really have no idea, huh?”

I felt inclined to shake my head this time, and his hand cradled my face to caress my cheekbone before his thumb rested against my lips. Instinctively, I opened them to suck it, humming at the taste of his skin, not completely understanding why his sweat tasted so delicious to me.

John’s P.O.V.

I grabbed her face and connected our lips once more, the desire to kiss her far too strong for me to control it. “Don’t know how you’ve managed to remain a virgin,” I commented after we broke apart, grinning at her bashful expression. “But you won’t stay that way for too long. What do you say, hm? Will you let me take you, Y/N?”

The way she perked up at my words was unmistakable. She liked what I was saying, she liked the idea of being mine. I knew it even before she nodded, bottom lip trapped between her teeth.

“Good girl,” I growled, leaning over her to make her release that lip by forcing my tongue inside of her, and I only let her go when my own lungs were devoid of any air. “You’re mine now, darling. And I’m never letting you go.”

She didn’t seem to mind that, but I’d started to grow needy, sitting there with both of us completely naked, making out like two teenagers. So I started touching myself, wanting to relieve some of the tension my member had been accumulating ever since I heard her scream my name.

“Why are you staring, kitten?” The smirk on my face made it clear that I knew what she was so fascinated about, but I still wanted to hear her say it. Despite the pout on her face at my meanness, her pretty eyes were so easy to read. 

She wanted me, just as much as I wanted her.

“I take it you’ve never sucked a dick before, huh?” She shook her head but reached out to touch me, and I groaned at feeling her soft hand encircling my member. “God, you’re such a little angel and a fucking tease at the same time.”

A whimper escaped her lips, and that’s when I realized this sweet, innocent girl got aroused by my dirty ass mouth. “Oh, sweetheart… We’re gonna have so much fun together.” I kissed her once more, my hand wrapping over hers to stop her jerking movements.

“I can’t hold myself back for long enough to teach you how to suck me off, darling. But we’ll always have time for that tomorrow.” A pout still on her beautiful face, she still nodded. “And fuck, I really need to eat that pretty little pussy. Lay back for me, kitten.”

She hesitated for a bit, looking back at her own bed before slowly dropping against the mattress, her legs still over my own. “Open those up. Let me see my meal.” She moaned out loud at my order, but it wasn’t clear if it was the idea of being seen as something for me to eat or the tone that got to her.

“So fucking beautiful,” I whispered, running my knuckles over her spread lower lips before using my digits to open her up to my gaze. I knew she was getting embarrassed with my curiosity, the way she fumbled over the bed made that pretty obvious, but I wanted to explore her through every sense I had.

So in went one finger, until I was knuckle deep inside of her, and the way her breath hitched was just so adorable that I had to chuckle. “I know, I know…” My other hand went to keep her legs spread, but also caress the inside of her thigh, hoping to calm her down. “I bet it already stretches you more than you’re used to, hm? Cute little girl.”

Every single word of my last sentence was punctuated with a harsher thrust of my finger, but once I was done talking, I returned to the previous gentle, soft strokes. And then I leaned down to finally get a taste of her.

“Oh God…” I moaned against her pussy, not quite believing just how sweet she was. “You are delicious, darling. I’m gonna eat you whole.” With my mouth open wide, I could encompass the entirety of her little cunt, and it brought me endless pleasure to see just how wrecked I could make her with a few swipes of my tongue.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I couldn’t really fathom the amount of pleasure I was receiving. It was like nothing I’d felt before - beyond anything I could have provided for myself, above my wildest dreams.

The moans that left my lips sounded almost foreign to my own ears, and they seemed more like strangled cries than those beautiful melodic sounds I usually heard in porn. It was hard not to compare myself to the little I knew about the world of lust, but it was even harder to care about any deficiencies I may have when John Winchester was eating me out like I was his last meal on Earth.

Another finger slowly made its way inside of me, and I screamed -  more due to the surprise than the stretch. Still, despite the smugness in his gaze, John asked from between my legs, “Do you want me to stop?”

I only realized he was mocking me after I had already blindly reached out for his locks, keeping his face against my cunt, my legs wrapped around his head. “No, no, don’t stop.”

He obliged, keeping his fingers slowly moving in and out while his tongue lapped my wetness, and I could feel the fire rising inside of me. “No biting your lip, kitten.” I hadn’t even realized that was what I had resorted to do, in my efforts to keep my moans in. “I want to hear you.” 

And I tried, I really did. But there were already so many new emotions I was being exposed to, it was hard just letting myself go. And he noticed it. I witnessed the way his eyes darkened, the satisfied smirk disappearing to leave a hungry and terrifying expression on his face.

“You’re usually such a good girl for me… Always following all of my orders, never even questioning me once. What happened?” A shake of my head was the only answer I could provide, hoping my pleading look was enough to get him to take some mercy on me.

But I knew John Winchester, and he wasn’t a merciful man.

“I want to hear you whining for me, sweetheart,” he explained, the hand that wasn’t occupied with my pussy traveling up my body to squeeze a breast before it plucked my lower lip from my teeth, and I choked on his fingers when they buried themselves in my mouth.

Just his confession was enough to have me clenching around his digits, but it still wasn’t enough. I was too tense, the weight of the situation sitting heavily on my lower belly, where all the pleasure seemed to concentrate. I was having trouble breathing, and it felt like the climb towards that high was never-ending.

“Relax for me, hm? I need you to trust me.” I was squirming when his voice reached me, acting like an anchor, bringing me back to the reality of the moment instead of leaving me afloat on the foreign sea of sensations I was exploring. But his words shocked me to open my eyes and meet his, and that’s when I realized just what he meant.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of,” he continued, and I knew. I was never afraid when he was around, and even now, with so many different feelings coursing through me, I knew there was nothing to fear. Especially since he was the one gifting them to me.

“I trust you,” I admitted, and the second his eyes softened, sparkling with something that resembled love, I relaxed in his arms, finally allowing the waves of bliss to crash and take me with them.

Ironically, after my muscles went lax, they tensed before they could relax again. That sea of pleasure, I was now drowning on it - and I never wanted to come up for air.

That is why as soon as I was able to speak again, I pulled on John’s hair once more, desperately pleading, “Please… Fuck me…” The sight of my wetness dripping from his chin just added to the need that seemed to only grow exponentially inside of me. “John, I need you!” I confessed, and that was all he needed to climb up my body and rub his member against my sensitive clit, making me twitch under him. 

Surprisingly, for as much as it hurt when he started to slide his length inside of me, it wasn’t a terrible pain. It was a stretch, and at first, I was sure I’d never get used to it, but there was so much to be excited about, I could only focus on the good.

Like the weight of his body on top of mine. The way he looked deep inside my eyes like he was seeing the most beautiful work of art. The feeling of his skin underneath my fingers, as I clawed on his back, in need of something to anchor me to this experience.

“You feel so fucking good.” Once again, it was his voice that brought me home, making me realize just how connected I felt to the man inside of me at that precise moment.

And then he started moving, and I just lost myself to him.

John’s P.O.V.

I couldn’t control myself, and I couldn’t decide on what to focus on: the feeling of her tight walls rhythmically clenching around me, the warmth of her sweaty skin under my fingertips, or the taste of her under my tongue as I nipped on her jaw, my fingers rubbing her nipples until they were but tight buds.

“Virgin little pussy but you take me so well.” By now, the words left my mouth before I could even process them, taken over by the passion I felt for the woman underneath me.

“Hold tight, darling,” I asked when I realized her instinctively jutting her hips up to meet mine, a clear sign of her discomfort beginning to fade and giving place to strong, untamed passion.

When her arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders, I picked up the pace, still trying to remain gentle as I searched for her sweet spot each time I bottomed out inside of her. She was still so innocent, and so sensitive. It didn’t take long at all to bring her to another orgasm, and when she reached that high, I couldn’t stop mine anymore.

I came so fucking hard a roar escaped my chest as my arms trembled with the strain to keep myself up so I wouldn’t just suffocate her. But when I was still trying to come back to Earth, it was her hands that guided me to heaven, cradling my bearded cheeks as I slowly tried to control my breathing.

“I’m gonna keep you chained to the basement, kitten,” I warned her, becoming completely hypnotized by her sweet little giggle when she threw her head back to laugh. “No one’s going to get near you again.”

[kinktae]

beyond the story: bitchin’

Hi friends! I hope you are all staying safe and healthy during these tough times! I really wanted to put something out there as a thank you to just how much support Bitchin’ got. You guys really are incredible. So, although this story has come to an end, I wanted to properly close the Bitchin’ chapter by giving you all a behind the scenes look at Bitchin’ and everything that went into writing it. This includes hidden easter eggs, backstories, alternative plot-lines, and a short drabble of the Bitchin’ cast 10 years after the story’s end.

Without further ado, please enjoy and thank you again for all your love. You have all of mine.

CHAPTER ONE – PARTNERS

Ah, yes, the start of this whole wild ride. I’ve always loved the whole nerd/popular person trope in fanfics, so it was only a matter of time before I tried my hand at it too. One thing I was adamant about was not making this a “popular person turns nerd hot/confident/better” fic as its kind of one of my least favorite cliches. With that in mind, and knowing that I was going to allude to TATBILB’s contract, I decided that I wanted Y/N to gain as much from the deal as Jungkook did. No blackmail, no just agreeing for the hell of it – Y/N was going to further herself and her dreams given the opportunity.

The beginning of the chapter is where the two are most separated and dissimilar throughout the whole story. It wasn’t that they were fundamentally different, it was that they approached life differently. Y/N was frustrated at how superficial Jungkook seemed, because she believes there is much more to life than just kicking your feet up and cracking jokes.

On the other hand, Jungkook didn’t understand why Y/N was so tense and on guard. To him, life was meant to enjoy and not take so seriously. Which makes sense, given that he grew up with minimal rules and minimal worries (bare minimum partners wassup !) 

“So, do we have a deal? Partners?” There was mischievous timber to his words, the kind that made you feel as if this would all later come back to bite you in the ass.

Pushing that pestering thought away, you took his hand into yours, holding his eyes as you gave it a firm shake.

“Partners.”

God, this bit. I knew from the minute I wrote it that I was writing the ending of bitchin’ along with it. I knew this was exactly how I was going to end this story, bc the word partners has multiple means right? In chapter 1, this meant business partners, but in the final chapter… it means life partners. Idk, I’m just still really happy with this writing decision :D

CHAPTER TWO – THE CONTRACT

Dearest Yara. We meet her in chapter two don’t we? Yara is completely based off of my irl best friend Yara who is a writer and who helped me A LOT with this story. She was my biggest supporter throughout figuring out this crazy plot. It was initially only about seven parts, but with her help I managed to bump it up to 10! Everybody say thank you Yaraaaa.

You were angry, that much was evident to her. Yara was sat in your shared dorm’s living room, a thick blanket engulfing her small frame. You briefly glanced towards the TV, it was tuned into MTV, the familiar music video of Every Breath You Take by The Police playing, before directing your glare back onto the copper-haired girl.

The song reference is a direct allusion to writer Yara’s fic, which is one of my favorite fics by her. She was actively writing it around the start of our friendship so it only felt right to pay respects to her. The introduction of her character felt necessary imo bc I wanted to make sure Y/N had a life outside Jungkook. Plus, I got to use the scenes between the two girls as a way to reference the music and culture scene. Yara is especially a fan of the powerful women in the music industry at the time, i.e., Madonna, Annie Lennox, Cyndi Laupner, etc.) Yara is a raging feminist and believer in sexual freedom and libery for women, we do in fact have to stan.

“How old do you think your sister is?”

“Hey, don’t sass me. For your information, Lyanna still has all her Care Bear tapes. She threw a hissy fit when my mom tried to give them away last Christmas.” Yara recalled.

Lyanna is one of writer Yara’s past pseudonyms. She always used to joke about how whenever she read it, it was confusing because there was Y/N, Yara and Lyanna, which were technically all her lolol.

FUNNY STORY ABOUT THE CONTRACT I INSERTED INTO THIS PICTURE… Twitter found it and made it into somewhat of a meme because no one knew it came from a fic rip. I was actually rly embarrassed and even wrote some posts about how much twitter scared me on my blog LMAO. but THEN weirdly enough, I actually stumbled upon a small community on twitter who actually found my fic and would TWEET ABOUT IT!!! LIKE REACTIONS TO EACH UPDATE!!! I wish I could go back in time and remember how giddy I was the first time I found a tweet about my fic. The fanfic community on twitter gave me a new love for the site (which I had previously had removed myself from because of its toxicity) and I have met so many wonderful people because of it. People even made themselves a little twitter group chat to talk about my fics, and now we are all friends! I miss posting a chapter of bitchin’ and refreshing my twitter feed as all my mutuals would post memes and live tweet their reactions. God that made me so fucking happy.

CHAPTER THREE – THE ROLLERSKATING DATE

I love the bickering in this chapter, because unlike the bickering in the first chapter, it’s actually less hostile and more playful. Y/N is slowly letting her guard down to the very persistently charming Jungkook.

“Woah. Family of six, huh? So you have siblings then.” He noted.

“Yep. Three.”

“Tell me about them.”

Looking up from where you were slipping on your second skate, you met Jungkook’s eyes, surprised to see genuine interest in them.

I actually originally had Y/N brush him off here. I was going to wait until the drunk party scene for Y/N to open up about her family and relationship with her sisters. But then I kind of thought to myself… Why? Y/N made peace with it and doesn’t hold onto those insecurities anymore. And objectively, Jungkook hasn’t proven himself to be a bad person so… I let Y/N open herself up to him.

“Then there’s the twins, Rosa and Lia.”

“Hold on. Twins? Wait… did they go to our high school?” Jungkook asked, his interest in this conversation doubled.

“Yep. They were two grades above us.” You confirmed.

“Oh shit, yeah, I remember your sisters, they were mad hot.” Jungkook let out a low whistle, before stiffening, flashing you an apologetic look. “Uh, in a totally non-meathead way.”

You offered the scared-looking boy a small smile, shaking your head.

Some of y’all notice but, Rosa and Lia are a blatant homage to my name: Roselia. ACTUALLY some form of my name can be found in every one of the rewind series fics, including upcoming ones. I’ll give a cookie to whoever can find every single mention hehe.

“I told you it was dumb.” You laughed nervously.

It wasn’t that you cared much about what Jungkook thought but you had a feeling a guy like him, who was popular and carefree, wouldn’t be able to sympathize in the way you would like him to.

“No, I’m just… surprised, that’s all.”

Jungkook certainly was surprised. You had built up quite the impression on him from the very moment you two met. It was hard to imagine that the girl who was so unapologetically herself was ever unsure or insecure.

Somehow, the idea tugged at his heart, as if he understood you more if only just a little.

From the get go, Jungkook was extremely drawn to just how confident and secure Y/N was in herself. I knew I wanted Y/N to be unapologetically sure of herself and in her abilities. Something I didn’t want, however, was for frat boy!jungkook’s only personality traits to be liking sex and being a cocky bastard (although I am a big consumer of that trope heh). Jungkook is actually canonly incredibly insecure. He lacks a real sense of self, which is why he is so desperate for Kiri back. His relationship with Kiri at that time was a big part of what he thought was himself. He has somewhat of low self esteem tbh which is why he’ll go back to a woman who treated him unfairly. That’s why he comes off the way he does in the first chapter and why Y/N thinks he has a big ego... he’s overcompensating. He finds it so endlessly fascinating that Y/N, in all her confident glory, was actually once super insecure. He admires her all the more once she opens up about her past.

“Oh, Rosa is an intern for our hometown’s newspaper but between you and me those assholes don’t even let her write. She does coffee and burger runs for men in charge. And Lia sells ice cream at the mall.”

“What about your brother?” Jungkook asked.

“He’s training to be a cop just like my dad.”

“And your mom?”

“She works at a convenience store.”

All their careers resemble people in the latest Stranger Things season (Nancy, Steve, Hopper, and Joyce). Fun Cameo there.

“What’s wrong?” You wondered, following his eyes.

“October 16th, 1985. 6:48PM.”

“Yes. That’s today’s date and time. What about it?” You pressed, growing confused.

“Remember it.” He warned.

“Why?”

“It’s when I fell in love with you.”

This iconic line I actually got from the real Jeon Jungkook himself. While Jungkook wasn’t actually in love with Y/N here, it certainly was a cute way for him to express his admiration for her.

OH HERE’S A FUN FACT: the hickey scene at the end of this chapter where JK and Y/N kiss for the first time was actually supposed to be Yara giving Y/N the hickey like the best friend she is. Ultimately I went with JK giving it for... smut purposes... ≖‿≖ 

CHAPTER FOUR – THE HALLOWEEN PARTY

The decision for Y/N to be Freddie Krueger came from me planning to be him for Halloween. And I was! JK as Glen Lantz just followed naturally. I’ve seen some great edits of him as the character. Truly chef’s kiss.

I really liked that Jungkook came over to the girl’s dorm to get ready. I didn’t want a scene where Y/N was thrown into a situation she was uncomfortable with which is how much Nerd At A Party Scene go so made sure Jungkook stayed by her side throughout the part, going out of his way to introducing her to the people he cared about.

Tae’s character came in when I realized I needed a way to actually put Y/N’s event in motion. He was the missing link and BOY did you guys eat his character right up huh. Love that for me.

Another thing, the confrontation with Kiri was so hard to write guys, I reeaaaally struggle with girl conflict. GIRLS SHOULD SUPPORT GIRLS. However, not everyone gets along in real life so I went with Kiri being more along the lines of petty rather than outwardly a cunt to Y/N. Realistically, Kiri is popular and well liked among the greek life so being unkind to someone she hardly knows wouldn’t make sense. There’s definitely tension between these two but I tried my best to steer away from the typical cat fight/revenge porn/public humiliation trope most movies seem to follow.

CHAPTER FIVE – THE FIRST TIME

Introduction to Erik!!!! It was really important to me that Y/N had a life before Jungkook. That's why I wrote in Y/N having a fiancé. She’s not opposed to love, she just has reshifted her focus. She knows what she wants and is choosing to focus on that, which why when she realizes she’s falling for Kookie she’s so hesitant to admit it because she’s fallen down that road before. Even though Jungkook treats her with respect and acknowledges the parts of her she’s most proud of, she just isn’t willing to possibly give up her passions for love. Which is why she doesn’t immediately confess to him, even once she’s sure she loves him.

“I’m serious, nerd. You’re like… um… the sun!” Jungkook marveled, eyes growing full as the realization dawned on him.

“The sun?” You laughed.

“Yeah, like… you’re this bright, beautiful thing that seems like it’s here in front of me but is really light-years away.”

Jungkook was drunk, and although you were sure he was making more sense in his head, you couldn’t help but feel your face grow hot, unsure of how to react to his drunk analogy.

“You’re the sun, Y/N. You make the world turn for you. Never orbit for anyone else.”

And suddenly, you were kissing him, for no other reason other than you wanted to and that it felt like the right thing to do.

No real commentary here. Just love this bit. It’s probably my favorite interaction between them two ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴��̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) 

“Also… She’s, uh, currently dating Eunwoo.” You told Yara.

Your best friend blinked, silence falling over her.

“Yara?”

“Good for her.” She perked up almost forcibly. “Let her put up with his annoying ass.”

Yara could see the way your expression had turned dubious as if you didn’t believe her nonchalant act.

Yara turned up her nose defensively, “What?”

Ugh yes, some character development from Yara.... the flavor ! Yara (much like Y/N and JK) also struggles with love. She has a real fear of commitment and if far more comfortable with casual sex than relationships. She did develop actual feelings for Eunwoo, she just wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment so she cut him off. Fleed the scene if you will. Typical gemini smh my head.

"I don’t think the contract mentioned orgasms.” Jungkook smirked as you released his thumb.

“I say we let it slide.” You shrugged, leaning into him casually.

“You think?”

“Totally. Think of it as… a bonding activity.” You joked, resting your chin on his shoulder, peering up through your lashes.

“Damn, we’re really committed to this fake dating thing, huh.”

You laughed in the way that you hated, but Jungkook loved; it was loud and abrupt, but it genuine, and it was you.

“What can I say, I’m a method actor.” You sighed dramatically, causing Jungkook to grin before pressing a kiss to your nose, simply because he liked the way it always seemed to make you smile.

GOD THEY’RE SO WHIPPED FOR EACH OTHER ITS DISGUSTING!!!!!! I’m really happy I decided not to make sleeping together a big deal and I got a lot of feedback from you guys agreeing! I had a lot of fun with these two’s sex scenes knowing they could do it whenever they wanted.

CHAPTER SIX – THE STEM EVENT

I started the scene with smut BUT I wanted to point out that much of their time spent together is at Y/N dorm, Jungkook either napping, hanging out or doing work as Y/N would study like she always did. I liked the idea that Jungkook would get bored and would want attention from Y/N because she was so focused. Idk, I just wanted to write a love story about two people spending time together and figuring out how they fit in each other’s lives as opposed to some dramatic I mEeT HiM aNd mY LiFe bEcAmE cRaZy. There’s nothing wrong with that plot line, I just didn’t want that for these two dorks. I wanted Y/N to interact with JK’s scene and crowd but not give up her own which is why most days JK and her just lounged around in her dorm studying.

Also, I don’t know how the teacher/student roleplay made it into the smut, it just did, no further questions (ʃ⌣́_⌣́ƪ).

Then the event scene.

“You’re whipped, dude! Seriously.”

Jungkook felt his face go red, “Shut up, no, I’m not.”

“Hey, I’m not judging. I get it. That’s your girl.” Taehyung shrugged. Jungkook placed a hand on the fold up table in front of him, staring down at the information pamphlet you had worked so hard on.

“She’s just… so fucking driven and passionate about everything she does. Sometimes I look at her, and I’m just like… holy shit, what am I doing with a girl like her? I feel like she’s totally out of my league and being with me is holding her back but— I dunno, man. I just… really like her.” Jungkook revealed, voice growing small.

An unexpected wave of tenderness fell over the two boys, Taehyung throwing an arm over his little brother’s shoulder.

“I’m happy for you, bro.”

Jungkook didn’t know it just yet but dude was talking from the heart and, is in fact, totally whipped :’c

I loved the confrontation scene between the boys and Eunwoo because the boys standing up for Yara really did make everyone feel like a friend group, not just some character who happen to exist at the same time. It wasn’t just Y/N and Yara and one side and the boys on the other. They would all become friends, which is ideal to me. A boyfriend who likes your best friend and considers her a friend so you can all hang out??? Yes please.

Initially, irl Yara and I had noooo clue if Yara would end up with Eunwoo or not. That was actually the original goal actually. But after this chapter four, you guys made it ABUNDANTLY clear that you guys wanted to see Taeyara, despite the two never even meeting! Honestly, it wasn’t until this chapter was written that we decided for sure that Eunwoo was out of the picture for Yara. Part of me really wanted to keep Yara single, but irl Yara insisted on dick and frankly, she’s right. Bitchin’ Yara deserved a shot at love. She definitely has her own story outside of Bitchin’ and will experience a lot of growth in the future.

“God, I know. I do not miss that temper of his.” She chuckled, her words piquing your interest.

“Temper?”

“Oh, yeah. Have you seriously not experienced it yet? He’s got some gnarly anger issues. Not to mention all the lying…” Kiri paused suddenly, straightening up as she flashed you an apologetic look. “Yikes, I’m sorry. I totally should not be telling you this. I’m not trying to be that gross girl that shit talks her ex to his current girlfriend.”

Miss Kiri, Miss Kiri. She really acted up this chapter didn’t she. There was a lot of discussion about whether or not those things she said about Jungkook were true. Which was exactly what I wanted hehe. We come to find out that Kiri had definitely stretched the truth. She really is good at manipulation and understanding how people think and it’s why she is in the role that she is in. Messy queen.

CHAPTER SEVEN – THE ROOFTOP DATE

This entire chapter was inspired by High School Musical with Troy and Gabriella’s rooftop garden scenes. This was my shortest chapter and honestly, probably not my strongest. I definitely went into writing this with zero concept of what I actually wanted to happen. Usually when I write my chapters I have a 4k long outline of it beforehand that I go off of. Not this one though. I really just winged it and I tried my best to write a chapter that really showed off (dialogue wise) just how this couple bounces off each other. I do really like some of the banter they have in this chapter.

You had taken note a little wooden popsicle stick poking up from the soil of the yellow flowers. Acacias, they were marked. Pulling your knees up to your chest, you considered his words.

Yellow acacias stands the value of true friendship and can indicate a secret love! I thought that was very appropriate given these dummies' relationship.

“So, you probably know why I brought you here.”

You nodded.

“You’re proposing, right?”

“Yeah, I– oh, shut up.” He laughed, the serious mood shattering as you joined him.

Even though I knew they were going to have a semi serious talk, what with Y/N asking about what Kiri had told her, these two dufuses realistically are just too comfortable with each other to stay serious for too long.

“Hey, I said that out of frustration, I didn’t really mean it. I’m sure she’ll come crawling back soon.” You attempted to comfort him, hoping to sound sincere.

“Even if that’s true, I’m not entirely sure I want that anymore.”

“What?” You blinked. Jungkook shrugged.

“What about us?” He met your eyes, causing your breath to hitch.

“What about us?”

Jungkook stared at you for a moment, noting the way the timber in your voice had become higher pitched as if panicked.

MORE FUN FACTS LMFAO: I typically do this thing with unplanned chapters where I just go for it and write and usually it works out. But when I wrote this down I remember stopping and being like ??? WHY DID I JUST WRITE THAT ??? I don’t like deleting my writing so I had a serious think to myself about whether this was going to be the moment Jungkook confessed or not.

Canonly, I decided that Jungkook did in fact mean ‘us’ in a romantic sense, but because of the way you perceivably panicked at that possible meaning, he decided against taking the conversation in that direction, instead speaking about ‘us’ in a platonic sense. Poor kookie :(

“Stop. Listen to me, Jungkook, you’re a fucking great guy, okay? You’re charismatic and funny and care about your friends… sure, you almost ruined my event, but it was mostly to defend my best friend when Eunwoo got too pushy, right? You’re a good guy, meathead. I know I joke about your ego, but I really believe you’re capable of more than you think you are. Seriously, Kiri is so lucky to be the object of your affection.”

Jungkook watched the way the sun’s orange light kissed your face, a bittersweet feeling growing in his chest as he contemplated the object of his affection. Just a couple of months ago, he would have had no doubt about who held his heart, but as you held his stare, he found himself unsure and yet, entirely sure all the same.

“Jungkook? You okay?” You frowned, catching in the sadness in his eyes.

“Hm? Yeah, yeah. I just… realized something.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“…It doesn’t matter.” He smiled, the gesture hardly reaching his eyes.

It’s in this moment that Jungkook decides that there is no way you hold the same affection towards him that he does to you. He mistakes your words of comfort as you pushing him away. You are so kind and encouraging and Jungkook loves you so much that hearing you insist about him ending back up with Kiri hurts him so bad.

But you are still unsure about your feelings and genuinely believe that's still what Jungkook wants. You’re just being a supportive friend!! :( It isn’t until the end of this chapter when Y/N has her talk with Yara that she realizes, oh man, she’s in deep.

CHAPTER EIGHT – THE MISTAKE

BLAH. This chapter is so BLAH, you know? Having to write this chapter was SO HARD. I texted irl Yara complaining about how much I hated having to put my characters through this and that I wanted to just end the story on chapter 7 and keep them happy forever. BUT ALAS! I had planned for this to happen from the start.

You tasted like the mint of your favorite brand of toothpaste. He imagined if he had caught you any later then the mint would have been accompanied by the taste of coffee, knowing the way you rarely started a day without a cup.

God, he had missed the taste of you.

What you guys didn’t see is Jungkook spending the night with Kiri, and immediately kicking her out, freaking out as the weight of guilt washed over him. He knew he had done nothing wrong, that you weren’t his real girlfriend, and that getting back together with Kiri was exactly what he had signed up for. It was what he should’ve wanted. But it wasn't… because you were what he wanted. And that was exactly what he was going to tell you as he marched over to your apartment.

But he panicked. His mind already decided that your answer to him would be no– that you didn’t feel the same. So he kissed you. He had you in the only way he was allowed to. He was selfish and impulsive and so incredibly scared that he ended up hurting the person he loved the most.

Initially though, I had Jungkook get back together with Kiri, not that he slept with her right before sleeping with Y/N. But I decided TEEHEE let me just make everything erupt into flames. However, I didn’t realize just how angry with Jungkook you guys would get. I remember thinking DAMMIT WAS THAT TOO SCANDALOUS?? I knew I was going to have to work hard for Jungkook to redeem himself to my readers.

“She wants to get back together.” Jungkook swallowed dryly, eyes wavering between yours as if to gauge your reaction.

“…Oh.”

You shook your head.

“I mean, wow! That’s… That’s great!” You smiled, something tearing apart inside you as the words left your lips.

“Y/N–”

“Seriously! This means it worked, right? This is exactly what you wanted to happen.” You enthused, turning your head so that he couldn’t see the way your eyes had welled up.

Jungkook’s heart was pounding in his ears, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around you.

“Yeah… yeah, no, you’re right. We did it.” He replied monotonously.

GOD THIS PART IS SO UNBELIEVABLY FRUSTRATING! JUST ADMIT YOU LOVE EACH OTHER YOU MORONS! This entire situation is so convoluted because there's so much information missing and not being expressed, I seriously want to ring my own neck rereading this bit.

“Are you mad?” He called out cautiously, a heavy feeling falling onto his chest.

“Why would I be mad?” You quipped back sharply, causing Jungkook to flinch. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“I just thought… I mean we’ve been fooling around a lot lately, so I didn’t know if—”

“If what? I had feelings for you?” You scoffed. “Please, as if I’d ever fall for you.”

And there it was— everything Jungkook already knew but had been so afraid to hear. Of course, you didn’t feel for him what he felt for you. How could he have expected anything different?

IDIOTS!!! THEY'RE BOTH IDIOTS!!! I don't know how y'all put up with this for so long. Forgive me.

CHAPTER NINE – THE BREAK

Okay I actually love this chapter. And for many reasons. Let me break down the three scenes for you guys.

Scene one: Kiri confrontation

Kiri is definitely an opposing antagonist. She is constantly working against Y/N because of their interests directly conflicting. BUT. I would argue that the biggest antagonist to this story is the inner ones – Y/N and Jungkook's lack of ability to admit their feelings constantly holding them both back from their happy ending. That being said, a confrontation scene between Y/N and Kiri was MUCH needed. While I suppose I can understand why Kiri doesn't like Y/N, that doesn't change the fact that she has been disrespectful and catty. So miss Y/N had to put Miss Kiri in her place (•̀ᴗ•́)

Scene two: Yara and Tae at the library

Fanservice. That is all. LMFAOOO y'all reallllyyy wanted it to happen and who am I to deny my people what they want. It was really fun getting to explore my side characters and develop them through interactions outside the two main characters. IRL Yara also mentioned giving bitchin’ Yara and Tae their own chapter as a joke and I was like LOL BET. I fully was going to but then I got the idea for the next scene and was like ahh ok maybe not the whole chapter.

Scene three: Meeting with Erik

So. This was a SUPER last minute decision. Like, it wasn’t until I was writing this chapter that I planned on Erik making an appearance. I saw a tweet with someone saying their bitchin theories and they mentioned Erik appearing out of nowhere and I was like,,, HOLD ON!!!! That could be kind of spicy ≖‿≖ 

I knew for a fact JK was NOT going to be forgiven in this chapter; I needed a way to lay the situation out between the two dorks without trying to seem like I was trying to sway my audience in a way that didn't make sense to the story. Y/N was rightfully angry. But she wasn't only angry about the timing of the sex. She was angry that Jungkook went back to Kiri at all and there was no way she was going to admit that. So who better to lay it all out than calculated, unbiased third party Erik. He deserved some character development after all.

I also liked the idea that Y/N had, in theory, “romantic options.” Losing Jungkook didn’t mean the end of her life. Having my female lead stand on her own was very important to me.

CHAPTER TEN – THE END

RIGHT OF THE BAT I needed Jungkook to suffer. So that whole scene where he tries to interact with his old group only for his presence to make everything awkward MMMM yes, sweet revenge on my part.

You were surprised. His hair was no longer shaggy and long like you remembered it. Instead, it had been freshly cut, looking healthy and neatly styled for the first time since you met Jungkook.

THE WAY SO MANY PEOPLE COMMENTED ON THIS LINE “but Y/N liked it long?!?”  IS SO FUNNNYyyyy. So let me clarify a thing. Jungkook had always wanted to cut his hair right. The only reason he didn’t was because Y/N told him not to. With Y/N no longer in the picture to convince him out of it, he cut his hair. That’s really all there is to it skfjsjf.

You know, I had written this part around the time I had just finished up the third ch believe it or not. And it was COMPLETELY different. I had it planned that Yara and Y/N ignored him throughout class and Yara had gone back after the bell rang to go verbally assault JK. And as the two hashed it out, only then was that when Jungkook would realize that he liked Y/N after Yara literally spelled it out for him.

“You like her, dumbass!” Was what I had written Yara saying. I really had written him in denial for ten chapters, I was a whole sociopath (╥﹏╥). But ultimately, I decided that Jungkook came to that conclusion on his own and the decision to apologize to Y/N would have been made over winter break.

“You said Kiri came over asking for you back, yet you still came over and slept with me the next day. Even though the two of you had sex the night before. Do you understand how that makes me feel?”

“I’m—”

“Like garbage!" You emphasized, the white paint of the door somehow irritating you further. "I felt like I was something you threw away and picked back up whenever you felt like getting your dick wet.”

Your chest was rising and falling rapidly, and you tried your hardest to not let your emotions get the best of you.

“Not to mention to everyone else, it looks like you cheated on me. Which makes me look like a fucking idiot." You scoffed.

Jungkook said nothing in reply, which somehow made it easier to say all you should have said that day in your room.

“It just sucks to realize that someone you once cared about sees you as nothing more than a toy. It fucking sucks.”

Man :( writing this hurt my heart. I really, really, love bitchin!y/n and writing her hurting freaking stinks. But she had to speak her mind. She deserves the chance to get everything off her chest with the way Jungkook hurt her.

Your heart and mind were in constant paradox, torn between wanting him back and wanting him to know just how much he had hurt you. Your mind ultimately won the battle, of course, but as Jungkook stood just a few inches of drywood apart pouring his heart out, it was hard to say which major organ was responsible for your next words.

The creak of the door being pushed open sent Jungkook's eyes wide, revealing your hesitant form. You had your arms crossed over your chest as if to guard the contents inside of it.

You looked like an angel underneath the bathroom's blue fluorescent lights, beautiful and lovely, a stark contrast from your next crushing sentence.

“I slept with Erik.”

Hehe. Ofc my girl Y/N had to have a rebound!!! She knows that life goes on. However, as I wrote in, she definitely regretted it. It was kind of the same situation that Jungkook was in where he pursued something just because it was familiar and a distraction and not because he really wanted it. Both Y/N and Jungkook are flawed characters but that’s okay! If anything, Y/N’s mistake of sleeping with Erik is what allows her to forgive Jungkook. Knowing first hand how complicated their entire relationship really was.

“I don’t need you… but I don’t think I want a life without you.” You finished shyly.

Your eyes were locked with his when suddenly a small noise escaped him, eyes pulling away from yours as his head moved to attempt to hide the way his eyes had grown wet.

I got this line from one of my best friends after her ex broke up with her. It made me physically sad and really sympathize with her so I quickly wrote it down into my notes app to save for later LMAOOOO. Knowing that you are your own person and life will inevitably go on after losing someone, but that your heart still wants and is pleading for the one person you can’t have. SO SAD. I’m happy I got to use this line in one of my fics.

The note Jungkook wrote Y/N,,, imagine him not being able to sleep one night over winter break so he just writes down everything he should have told Y/N while he still had the chance…. I’ll for real cry dude, he’s so cute. Also, the line about him buying you fluffy Halloween socks for Christmas went over people’s heads I think but HECK I THOUGHT THAT WAS SO FUNNY AND SWEET (because Y/N bought Christmas socks when it was Halloween teehee).

"Are you two dorks done crying?" Yara’s voice rang out suddenly, causing both of you to jump apart.

"Yara, you creep! Privacy, dude! Ever try knocking?" You sniffed, wiping at your face hurriedly.

"What? Like you were peeing with Jungkook in the bathroom? Please." She waved you off, walking back into the living room to give you two some privacy. She did say Jungkook had 15 minutes before she’d have to come back in after all. "Anyway, Tae will be over in 10 minutes for the Saved By The Bell marathon that’s on so you guys are more than welcomed to join." She called out from her newly seated position on the couch.

I included this scene with Yara because things were getting too serious for my liking ngl. Plus the idea that the four of them would all come together at the end for a much needed reunion made my happy bitchin heart soar.

Jungkook let out a laugh, his palm finding your cheek, eyes locked on your lips. You were preening for his kiss, mouth parting slightly as you anticipated it.

“Partners?”

The question took you by surprise, eyes widening at your not so pretend lover.

Idiot.

“Partners.” You smiled softly, eyes shiny and brimming with tears as he kissed you for what must have been the millionth time, but still somehow felt like the first.

UGH I LOVE THEM I REALLY DO. I was so happy with how this final scene came out :( They’re partners, they really are I miss these boneheads.

AND NOW, I PRESENT THE CANON FUTURE OF THE BITCHIN UNIVERSE...

10 YEARS LATER

Let’s be honest, Jungkook popped the question the day of graduation, he can’t imagine a life in which you wouldn’t be beside him

You said yes (shocker)

Cue Jungkook being the most wonderful partner and respecting your wish to finish your residency program before having the wedding

You absolutely kick ass at being a neonatal surgeon

Also, Jungkook started a film company! It’s small but he loves what he does and works with colleges and helps out the film majors with resources and equipment <3

SO IT'S THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING RIGHT

Yara and your sisters are helping you get ready, with your best friend as the ever so reassuring maid of honor

And by that I mean you’re as calm as a cucumber and Yara is one wrong move away from having a stroke

“Y/N… Don’t freak out....The catering company put in two orders of shrimp instead of chicken and steak.”

“Yara, it’s okay.”

“NO ITS NOT???? THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DAY AND YOU’RE GETTING CRUSTACEANS.”

Y/N making Yara take a seat and practice some breathing exercises so she doesn’t upset the baby

Oh yeah, Yara is 10 weeks pregnant

Taehyung is the dad lol

Yara and Taehyung have been together ever since that day at the library hehe <3

They moved in together and adopted a cat and everything (sweet boy Tae wanted a dog but Yara’s afraid of dogs and Tae would do anything for that woman so Yeontan the cat it is)

Yara refuses to put a label on their relationship even after all this time, and Tae doesn’t ask for one. They’re happy and dedicated to each other and don’t feel the need to put pressure on something that’s already so perfect

Yara is actually violently in love with Tae but still scoffs when Y/N tries to bring it up

“Oh my god, you’re so in love with him”

“Huh??? you must be sick or something. Get well soon, damn :/”

Yara likes to come up with different labels for Taehyung every time she has to introduce him. Among her favorites are roommate, rent sharer, baby daddy and penis lender

Speaking of Taehyung, he’d have a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder as he tries to calm down the panicking groom to be

“JK, breathe.”

“What if she doesn’t show up? What if she doesn’t want to marry me? What if I pressured her into this and— and I’ve freaked her out and now she hates me?”

“Dude, you guys have been engaged for eight years. She’s had her opportunity to run. She’ll show up.”

Taehyung scruffing up the younger man’s hair reassuringly, which only flusters him more because DAMMIT he wants to look perfect for you and now his hair is messed up >:(

(You like him no matter what his hair looks like though)

Jungkook literally swallowing down a sob as you walk down the aisle and he lays his eyes on you for the first time

You having a dumb smile on your face the entire walk over because your husband to be is crying and you haven’t even exchanged vows yet

The entire audience going all sobby when you finally do exchange vows because they’re so beautiful and real

The ten years together has not been easy— from financial struggles as you tried to support yourself through med school, to personal conflicts when Jungkook wanted to start a family already

But you guys figured it out

You always do

He’s your person. And you are his.

Y/N’s sisters Rosa and Lia are a WRECK— even your dad is tearing up

Your family loves Jungkook and have been counting down the days until you guys married, let’s be honest

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Jungkook punching the air with a “FINALLY!” before kissing the hell out of you

The cutting of the cake inevitably turning into a food fight

The shrimp entrees turning out to be pretty damn good

Yara catching the bouquet and wagging her brows at Taehyung suggestively

Jungkook pulling you aside to take photos of you outside the venue because you look so so pretty and he loves the way you smile when he’s the one behind the camera

The party is in full session, your siblings tearing up the dance floor like the extroverts they are

You and Jungkook are sat at the head of the room, hands intertwined underneath the table as you watch a tired and painfully sober Yara swing her bare feet onto Taehyung’s lap, requesting a foot rub

Watching your pregnant best friend and her lover together, you turned towards your own, smile impossibly wide

“What?”

“Let’s have a baby.” You’d grin, so stupid happy

Jungkook’s eyes going round and immediately jumping up from his seat because god that’s all he’s ever wanted

Being tugged out the room by a giddy Jungkook, one of your heels flinging off somewhere behind you.

“What’s happening? Where are we going?!”

The two of you find yourself in a storage room somewhere on the hotel floor

“Jeon Jungkook, what the hell—“

His mouth find yourself, kissing you in a way that couldn’t at the altar

You kissed him back without questions, arms wrapping around the man you now called your husband

“I love you.” He’d sigh into your neck, his hot breath causing you to shiver

“I love you too.”

“Let’s make a baby.”

“Yeah let’s— wait, right here? Right now?!”

Jungkook merely nodding as his mouth found the exposed skin of your chest

“Meathead, we can’t just ditch our wedding to have sex!”

“Why not? We did our marital duties. Now it’s our guests' job to get embarrassingly drunk and make a fool of themselves on the dance floor. No one will even miss us.”

“Isn’t baby making what our honeymoon is for?”

“Screw that. I’ve done my waiting. Let’s start our family, nerd.”

Jungkook kissing your protests silent before you inevitably give in and let him take you right there and then, your wedding dress hung around your hips

Husband and wife coming together with shaky breaths and hushed moans as they promise the rest of their lives to each other, making every argument, struggle or moment of uncertainty leading up to now totally worth it

Walk of shame back into the party with nervous hair fixing from you and a proud grin from Jungkook

Yara figuring out exactly why you two had sneaked off to, flashing the newly weds a knowing smirk

The night of your wedding, Jungkook surprises you with a present

You unwrap it in confusion, only to see that it’s a glass frame and inside of it is the wrinkled and worn out lined paper the two of you had scribbled on many many years ago

Jungkook hangs up the contract right above your bed as per your request, smiling as he does and jumping on him the moment he puts down the hammer bc dammit it you’re too heckin excited to make love with your sentimental loser of a husband

And yes, by the next month, you are pregnant and incredibly happy

And of course, your daughter and Yara’s son grow up to be best friends, not a family holiday passing by where they aren’t told the story of the totally bitchin’ way both set of their parents got together

[spicynamericano]

Perception. - mk lee

sypnosis: you meet a stranger in the park, who helps you prepare for your interview with renowned author, mark lee.

word count: 2.1k

genre: fluff, strangers to friends!au, author!mark x reporter!reader

a/n: i impulsively wrote this in the wee hours of the morning because i can't stop thinking about mark lee and his poems! btw, this is my first time posting an au on this platform, but i do have ongoing twitter fics (written in eng/fil)!

I had just finished my late night shift at the office and was on my way home from work. Being a field reporter is not an easy job. I have to work my butt off to always stay up to date on the latest news and make sure to grab even the rarest exclusives.

I have to travel to basically anywhere, just to gather the most accurate information for the daily primetime news. And even if work is done for the day, I would usually go overtime to make sure no single detail is left out for tomorrow’s reports.

My workplace isn’t that far from home, or what I call home now. Moving into my elder sister’s old apartment was not a hassle. It was actually quite a blessing since I always used to stay over whenever we visited the city. I really thank the heavens that her place was near my workplace. Imagine the struggle of moving in and out from scratch. Actually, I wouldn’t even dare to imagine.

I would usually ride my bike to and from the office, but since I was running a bit late earlier in the morning, I decided to take the bus. Convenience at its finest. But it’s late now. A fifteen minute walk back home won’t hurt, right? Besides, I needed a breather. A walk in the nearby park would suffice.

It’s midnight and of course, the park is empty. Although Seoul is alive 24/7, I really like how some areas still have that laid-back vibe. I walk to the swings and place my bag on the ground. I do wish someone would push me right now. I just wanna be free from all the hectic stuff I’ve been doing lately.

But no, the quick rest I thought of didn’t stop me from going over tomorrow’s duties. I scan my little, brown notepad and check the work I have yet to accomplish. I mostly finished them before I got off work, but there is one more that I needed to do for tomorrow: interview Mr. Mark Lee, the author of the best-selling Late Night Scribbles.

It’s a collection of poems and prose he’s written over the course of five years during his travels to different cities as a renowned travel writer. His travel reviews and recommendations were something I always looked forward to reading. Maybe someday I could go on a stress-free holiday trip thanks to his advice.

I have read his book. For someone who’s trained into more technical writing like me, I could still clearly resonate with most of the poems he’s written. Not too shallow, not too deep. Though you do need to have a sense of literature in order to understand more of his deeper works. He isn’t famous for nothing.

What appalled me though is that he never showed his face to anyone, not even once. Some say he’s actually the main rapper of the world-renowned boy group NCT, since they bear the same name. I think otherwise. Well, it could be, though. Rappers do make their own lines and tell their own stories.

But I don’t think that Mark Lee would be the same person I’d be interviewing tomorrow. It’s weird because I won’t be actually meeting him face to face. He said he’d rather converse through email. Works for me since I don’t have to travel tomorrow. Thank God.

Well, let me tell you a secret. The reason I don’t think author Mark Lee is singer Mark Lee is because singer Mark Lee is actually my childhood best friend. Crazy, huh? I used to live in Vancouver when I was young until my family and I moved back to Korea during my teen years.

I don’t think he remembers me, though. But I do remember him. Our moms were practically best friends. I couldn’t say the same to us, only if he still actually remembers me.

I stretch my arms up high and bend it side to side. God, I need a massage asap. I was about to pick up my bag when a basketball rolled over and hit the tip of my loafers. A man dressed in black waves from the court, signaling to toss the ball to his direction.

I would toss it if I could but I walk over instead. Blame my poor strength and reflexes. And I obviously do not want to embarrass myself. A rough day’s a rough day. I don’t want an addition.

“Uhm, are you looking for this?” I ask the guy, tossing the ball mid-air.

“Yes, thank you…” he pauses. “uh…”

“Oh, it’s (y/n).” I introduced myself, “And you are?”

“Minhyung.”

“Well, you’re welcome, Minhyung. Good luck with your basketball practice!” I gave him a nod before finally turning back to go home.

“Wait!” he calls out. “Do you maybe wanna have a cup of coffee? There’s a nearby convenience store still open. I figured you might need it.”

Was it that obvious? I can’t imagine how stressed I look right now! He has probably seen the dark circles under my eyes. Gross.

I finally turn around and give him a smile, “You know, maybe I do need it. Let’s go?”

This man and I walk to the nearby convenience store just a few meters away from the court. It’s midnight and not many people are here. Well, just exactly like how I want it. The park can actually become full, even until 10 pm. But I guess these people also need some shut-eye. I’m actually surprised this man right here still has some energy left.

I wait outside and sit at the nearest gazebo while he buys instant coffee for the both of us. He arrives with three in hand. Does he like coffee that much?

“You’re really gonna drink two?” I ask him curiously.

“It’s actually for you,” he says as he hands me one of the cups. “I feel like you’re going to be staying up late tonight.”

Well, he’s right. I am gonna be staying up late. I still need to prepare questions for tomorrow’s, or later, rather, interview. I really won’t be getting some sleep tonight. I also need to do research on him too.

“Well, I do have an interview for tomorrow. I still need to prepare as it’s a very important one.”

“With whom, may I ask?”

“Mark Lee, the author. Not the singer.”

“Oh,” he lets out a soft sigh that can be heard, even through his mask. Is he offended that I don’t think author Mark Lee and singer Mark Lee are the same?

“Why do you sound so disappointed?”

“Uh, nothing. I just remembered the book he recently released. Have you read it?”

“Late Night Scribbles?”

“Yes, that!” he answered enthusiastically. Wow, I guess I found a fan right here. He might actually help me with my interview later. I need to grab this chance.

“Do you mind helping me? I’m actually going to interview him about it tomorrow.” I gave him the widest smile, hoping he’d say yes. I normally wouldn’t do this to strangers, especially at night. But I really just need to get this over with.

“Well, as someone who’s a fan of his works. I’d like to give it a try and interpret it,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee. “Just imagine I’m Mark Lee. Shoot your questions.”

“Hmm, I can’t be answering personal questions since you’re not Mark Lee.” I scratch my head. Damn, I can’t think of anything. My brain is not working right now! “But if you were Mark Lee, what would you want to be asked?”

“If I were Mark Lee? Well, rather than asking what my inspiration was behind the works I’ve made, I’d rather be asked on how I tried to convey my thoughts and feelings to this piece of work,” he explained, staring at the night sky.

I followed the direction of his gaze, and he’s looking at Orion, one of the brightest constellations out there. I gaze at it too while waiting for him to continue explaining.

“But isn’t it basically the same as drawing inspiration from something?” I ask profoundly.

“Not really. You can draw inspiration from anything. And you can come up with different outputs based on one inspiration. What’s important is how you’re able to connect the context of what you’re writing to the feelings you want to draw out,” he continues.

“With a single inspiration, I can come up with two completely different works based on how it’s written. The idea may be the same but the context is not.”

“Hmm, care to explain a little further?” I ask politely.

“We can use Black Socks as an example.”

Black socks are underrated

The way they connect the bottom sleeves of

my black sweatpants to my black sneakers

is just perfect

Pleasure from perfect alignment

That also goes for the ability to be parallel

with my thoughts and actions

I try to live out what’s in my mind, and keep

it consistent even when forgotten like a

working habit

A moment to think twice about what

seemed unimportant

Black socks have been making my day

these days and I knew I had to return the

favor by acknowledging them

I throw you in the bin only so that you can

be renewed again

“Black socks, literally an ordinary object that is tossed to the bin right after use. But what caught my eye is his appreciation for this mundane thing.”

“Through his words, you can tell black socks gave him comfort. He used a simple subject to convey his inner thoughts of how every little thing we don’t really recognize can actually be part of our routine, our life,” he said, looking me in the eye seriously.

“He found comfort in the most ordinary things no ordinary person would take notice of.”

Minhyung stands up and stretches his arms. He then continues, “It’s actually cool he shared this piece with us. If I were him, I’d go on and ramble how black socks could ruin my laundry.”

We both chuckle at the thought. It’s true. I hate how some of my black socks actually ruin my laundry. I dread the thought.

“It’s only a matter of perception, (y/n). Sometimes, you have to open your eyes and see, not look. Listen, not hear. Savor, not taste. Feel, not touch.”

“You know, you could actually be Mark Lee himself,” I tease him, “You do know your literature.”

I know he smiled at my remark. I can see his cheekbones rise from the edges of his mask.

“Sometimes, you just have to ask the right questions in order to get the answers you want,” he said teasingly. “You can’t get what you want if you don’t know what you want.”

For a stranger, he’s indeed a good talker. I actually learned so much from our talk tonight.

“Thanks for tonight, Minhyung. I really learned a lot.” I thank him before gulping down the last cup of coffee he bought me. “And thanks for the coffee, by the way! I now have energy to prepare for my interview later.”

“No problem. I’m just glad that I was able to help.”

I stood up from my seat and we both started walking away from the park.

“It’s 1 am. How are you gonna get home, (y/n)?” Minhyung asks worriedly. Yeah, it is pretty late. It’s a good thing I just live near.

“My apartment’s just two blocks away. I can manage,” I say with a smile, a genuine one at that. “How about you?”

“I’ll just grab a cab. Do you mind if I walk you home?” I don’t know why but I felt flustered for a moment. Surprisingly though, I just nodded my head, giving him permission to accompany me home.

We both arrive at the entrance of my apartment building and we say our last goodbyes.

“For a stranger, you really do know how to make people comfy,” I say, crossing my arms and giving him a stare, brows furrowed to tease him.

“Well, that’s just how I am,” he says while giving me a wink. Okay, now he’s flirting. Someone stop him, please. Just kidding.

“By the way, you haven’t taken your mask off the entire time except when drinking coffee. I couldn’t get a good glimpse at you since it was dark,” I explain. It’s true. Add the fact that I’m barely keeping myself awake the whole time. “I might’ve actually thought you’re an idol of some sort. Perhaps, maybe you are Mark Lee.”

“What?” he asks, puzzled and clearly taken aback. “Why’d you think so?”

“Because you share the same name with him.”

[nepenthendline]

Heyyy, could you do a headcannon post for tsukki, kenma, suga, Kageyama, and kurro, and how they would go about proposing to their s/o. I love your writing btw!!! 💜

proposal hcs make me so sOFT, and thank you so much 🥺🥺🥺 It means a lot! I’m going to bury myself in these hcs to get rid of the stress my uni are giving me rn also kageyama’s is so long omg i got a little carried away

slight timeskip spoilers (kenma, sugawara, kageyama, kuroo)

Requests are open!

Proposal Headcanons - Tsukishima, Kenma, Sugawara, Kageyama and Kuroo

Tsukishima:

Tsukishima wasn’t one for extravagant publics displays of love and affection, so his proposal wouldn’t be either

he wanted it to be natural, not some crazy, over-the-top event that had everyone in the neighbourhood witnessing

it would be around 5-10 years (depending on how old you were when you started dating) of being together when Tsukishima decided he wanted to marry you, it’s not that he never thought about it, he just wanted to be sure this was the right decision for both of you

he had mentioned marriage to you one night a few months before proposing to test the waters and see your opinion so that he could gauge whether you would say yes or not

he took Yamaguchi with him to pick out a ring, he was great friends with you too so he knew your style and preferences well to help out Tsukishima

the proposal itself what somewhat planned, he knew the day he was going to do it but, other than that, he left it open to change

the two of you had gone for an evening walk across a pathway that overlooked the town, something you two do often to wind down

you two hadn’t spoke much, a comfortable, warm silence surrounding you besides pointing out the odd squirrel or brief check-ups on each others day

both of you had stopped at a railing on your walk, leaning against it to watch the sun set over the tall buildings

his hand was in yours, brushing his thumb over the back of it as he looked out to the view

“I love you (Y/N),” his voice was quiet but it seemed certain

he wasn’t the kind of man that told you he loved you multiple times a day, it was reserved for special moments and the times where he couldn’t get how lucky he was to have you out of his mind

“I love you too Kei,” you didn’t need to be loud, or shout your confession to the world to know that you both meant it deeply

“Marry me,” it sounded more like a instruction than a question and his gaze hadn’t left the sky

“W-what?” had you heard him wrong? was this a joke?

he turned his eyes to you, locking them with yours - this was the most serious and sincere you had ever seen him

“Marry me,” he repeated

you stood with your mouth slightly open, eyes wide as he pulled out a box from his pocket, opening it to display a simple, yet stunning ring

“I always thought that if you went for what you truly wanted, it would just end in pain and disappointment, that all the effort and sentiment would be for nothing, but with you it’s so easy. I might never be, but I want to become the best man for you, that you deserve, so marry me.”

Kenma:

gets married for tax purposes

marriage was not something Kenma had ever though about in his life growing up

he never thought he would get married or find someone he had a connection with and, honestly, he was fine with that

he didn’t really see the appeal of it in the first place

it wasn’t until many years down the line of being with you and his friends around him getting into relationships when he started to consider the possibility

the first time it came into his head was at Kuroo’s wedding

he spent most of the time wishing he could go home and get out of this uncomfortable suit, but there were times when he say Kuroo’s beaming smile that he was glad he came

some of the ex-nekoma team members had poked at him with questions of when he was going to get ‘hitched’, which he responded to with a sigh

he certainly wasn’t going to propose because others told him he needed to

the next time it crossed his mind was when he started a new game that his fans had recommended he play

it was a romance game which wasn’t his usual go-to genre, but it had incredible reviews and created a storm in the gaming world so he thought he might as well check it out

through the game he got to witness an endearing story of a couple that went at odds to be together

the story delved into their married life and all the little things they enjoyed together through the years

he didn’t really want to admit it, but it did make him feel a little emotional

he saw himself and you in the characters, as if he was watching his own life play out on his screen

every now and then you and Kenma played some games together so you could spend time with him and he could show you want had been interesting him lately, so he decided to show you this game

you thought it was adorable, so heartwarming yet a little sad at points, but you had always been a little more outwardly emotional then Kenma

“imagine if we got married haha, how cute would that be!” you gushed out in the moment without thinking as you played

“eh...I guess” it wasn’t really the answer you were hoping for, but at least he didn’t sound utterly disgusted by the thought

you continued to play with him for a while, tucked into his side and making comments every now and then

a particular endearing part was plating on the screen and your eyes shone as they fixated on the characters

he could tell by the glassy look that you were getting a little affected by the story, but you looked so cute

the way your lip pouted ever so slightly, and how you gripped at his hoodie, as if to steady yourself

he had a sudden rush of adoration for you, he really did love you and the last couple years of you living together had been wonderful, how he got to wake up beside you, do daily chores with you, how you supported him in his many careers

“Maybe we should get married,” he blurted out, you whipped your head towards him so fast you almost got whiplash

“Are you...proposing?” you questioned, with somewhat of a laugh in your voice

“huh...looks like I am.”

Sugawara:

Sugawara was sensible, mature, a little bit of a tease and sometimes chaotic if Daichi wasn’t watching but also traditional

he had often thought about what it would be like to grow up, get married and have a family

it wouldn’t take long before he knew he wanted to marry you, even throughout the 3 years you had already been together he had daydreamed about marrying you more times than he could count

from all the memories you had together, all the times you helped enough other in rough patches and the learning the two of you wanted to continue in the future had him certain that he wanted you beside him forever

so he set out his plan

he took his old teammates, Daichi and Asahi with him on a hunt to find the perfect ring

Daichi was there to keep him in check and calm his nerves, although Asahi was probably the most nervous and Asahi had a great eye for stylish, beautiful pieces due to his designing career

now it was time to plan

he didn’t want it to be crazy, but he wanted it to be something, a whole event in itself

so he scheduled a meal for the two of you and some of your friends

it was at quite a fancy restaurant in the evening and your group had its own secluded table at the back, surrounded with dividers from the rest of the restaurant

all of you spent the meal catching up and laughing, but Sugawara seemed a little quieter than usual

you had asked him if he was ok, but he just replied with an ‘of course!’ and a smile, so you let it be

Asahi was shaking but you put that off to general anxiety

you guys had ordered desserts and everyone had gotten theirs first

as the waiter brought yours over, the table went silent

the waiter came from your left, Sugawara on your right, so you had looked over as he came

as he set the plate down, you noticed the words spelled out in chocolate sauce 

“Will you marry me?” 

you gasped and turned towards Sugawara, who was now on one knee next to you, holding out an open ring box

“I have known for so long that I wanted to marry you. You’re beautiful, smart, courageous and so loving, and I want to have you by my side forever. I promise I will continue to grow as your partner and take care of you every step of the way, so, will you marry me?”

Kageyama:

the only thing in this boy’s brain is you and volleyball, its all his one braincell can cope with

that being said, he has never once thought about marriage

his whole life he has spend all his energy and focus on becoming a better player, the best setter he possibly can and standing on the court longer

but you were the first person to get him, to understand him and accept him as is while helping him improve and grow

you helped him to open up and communicate with people better

you helped him whenever he was frustrated with volleyball and a certain play he was working tirelessly on

you never once turned your back on him when he struggled or lost his temper

you were his partner, but it was different from a volleyball partner

he cared for you, every part of you, and always wanted to know if you were ok or spend time with you

you made him genuinely smile everyday and he knew that he wanted to be your partner for life

it came about when he was hanging out with Hinata on one of their rare days off to catch up

he had been talking about you constantly, expressing how much he loved you and adored you

“Why don’t you just marry them?” Hinata questioned with his held tilted, as if it was obvious

“w-what? Hinata boke!” he shouted as his face grew red and pushed Hinata aside

the two talked about it and Kageyama decided, very bashfully, that yeah, he should just marry you

but how does he ask you that?

he knew nothing about marriage or proposals, so he spend the next few weeks asking his friends, teammates, even his coach on how to propose to you

“Take them to an expensive restaurant!”

“Wouldn’t it be cute to propose in Disneyland??”

“Well, I proposed to my partner by sending them on a scavenger hunt”

he was bombarded with ideas, but none of them seemed right

none of them seemed like him

he was getting frustrated with the pressure of coming up with a good way to ask you to be his forever, it had to be perfect, it had to be special and it had to fit with your relationship

you noticed he was getting agitated a lot more recently, he was quieter and snapped more often, he stayed back later at the gym to train and he rarely ate dinner with you anymore

whenever you asked what the problem was, he replied with an ‘it’s nothing’ and stormed off

his teammates had noticed too and were less than pleased with his attitude as it affected their gameplay

one of his teammates had begged you to come to the gym and talk some sense into him when he started continuously overworking himself

it was 7pm when you set off from your house to the gym where he was still training

as you entered, you noticed that he was the only one here, hitting serve after serve that never seemed to land right

“Tobio,” you called out

“Baby,” you tried again but you couldn’t catch his attention from his deep focus on the ball

you walked over to him and lightly grabbed his arm, stopping him from serving the ball again

“Tobio, what’s wrong? Everyone is worried about you. Are you having trouble with a play? Because we can sort that out with your coach-”

he cut you off by mumbling something under his breath, much too quiet for you to hear

“What was that?” 

“I want to ask you to marry me and I don’t know how,” he said louder this time, his eyes staring at the ball in his hand as he gripped it tightly

“O-oh, right...” you were stunned, speechless, this wasn’t something you thought you would hear from him

“Everyone’s been telling me how to do it, but none of them seem right,” his voice was low and his gaze still hadn’t let the ball

you put a finger under his chin and lifted his face towards you

“It doesn’t need to be what everyone else tells you, we can do things our own way,” you tried to comfort him with a smile and he simply stared back at you

“So go on then,” you were beaming at him by now, yet his face got even tighter with confusion

“Go on, ask me to marry you.”

his jaw hung wide open, his eyes seemed to be staring into your skull like he had seen a ghost, this is certainly not what he expected

he tried to speak a couple times, stumbling on his words as they got caught in his throat

“It’s ok, take your time,” you brushed your thumb over the back of his hand as you held it, encouraging him to continue

“w-will you....will...willyoumarryme?”

BONUS: you two picked out a ring together afterwards, this boy has no sense of style, don’t trust him by himself

Kuroo:

Kuroo had jokingly asked you to marry time multiple times throughout your relationship

the first couple times ended with you being a blushing mess while he teased you

but by now you just tell him to shut up go off sis

marrying you had always been part of the plan for him, just a natural progression of your relationship

while Kuroo can be quite the tease, he was extremely serious of his relationship with you and your future

he started off his plan by asking your dad if he would like to spend the day together, you know, father-son-in-law bonding time

what your dad wasn’t prepared for was Kuroo to turn up in a shirt, suit trousers and confess how he wanted to marry you

he had a whole speech prepared about how he would be the best husband for you, how he would be sure to take good care of you and, possibly, be the best father in the future if you planned to have children

you dad had to eventually shut him up as Kuroo kept going, saying how he would be delighted to have you marry the man

step one: check

now he needed to find the right ring

he had a look around at multiple stores but he couldn’t find anything that was unique enough to be called yours and that captured you or your relationship

since Kuroo had quite the high-paying job plus a little backing from a certain famous youtuber so the cost wasn’t an issue and he wanted to spoil you

so he got one custom made

he sat with a designer for hours creating the most stunning, distinctive ring that he knew you would love

step two: check

over the next couple days he planned a meet-up evening with your family and his where he would pop the question

you both had spent the day cooking and preparing for the evening before they all come to your house

you had all finished dinner and moved over to the living room to chat

Amidst all the chatter, Kuroo stood up and cleared his throat, grabbing everyone’s attention

“I have something I’d like to say,” he said with confidence, then turning to you with a grin

“The last few years with you have been perfect. We’ve had some ups and downs, but we have made so many amazing memories together. You really are my other half and I think everyday about how truly lucky I am to call you mine. You know me better than anyone else. I know I’ve asked you this a couple times in the past when we’re laughing together, but this time I’m serious,”

he got down on one knee, holding one of your hands while presenting the custom ring in the other

“will you do me the honour of marrying me?”

and the crowd goes wild

Tagging @togasknifes so she can read Kageyama ty ly

[ikykwklk]

— numb | b.c.

A/N: Hi guys! This is my first ever written imagine, so please bear with me if I have any mistakes ㅠㅠ I was actually having constant fight with myself because of this, but I finally did post it! Hope you guys like this and tell me if you guys want me to write more because it would really help me ㅠㅠ

Genre: fluff, angst, cheater!bang chan, idol!bang chan, idol!reader

Dancing has always been your option to escape this cruel world that we live in.

You've always danced your heart out everytime you perform.

And it has always been there whenever you can't express your feelings to others.

"Okay! We're done now!" Your choreographer yelled right after your newest title track ended.

Your group dropped onto the floor right after you got the okay signal from him. Pants and gasps of your members were the only sound that surrounds the dance practice room.

"You did great y/n, I'm relieved that you're a fast learner" your choreographer said as he patted your shoulder, you shot him a tired smile then mumbled a "thank you", "You guys are good to go right after cleaning up the dance practice room, the room is needed for later" your members immediately took their bags and started cleaning the room.

"Hey y/n! Are you coming with us? We'll head to the dorm right after cleaning" one of your members said, Chaeryoung to be exact, as she picked up the pieces of the group's snacks earlier. "Nah, you guys get going, I still have rap lessons later", Chaeryoung nodded and went straight to the door with the other members following behind her.

"Take care y/n, we don't want our newest member to not feel well before our comeback, alright?" Your leader, Yeji said as she sling her bag on her shoulder and head towards the door. "Will do, Unnie, you guys take care too!" They waved for the last time before shutting the door behind you.

You still can't believe that you had been added as 6th member of ITZY right after you auditioned from a year ago. You've worked hard to become an idol and now you're here, you know that you needed to work harder than you did. That's why you wanted to left behind, because you wanted to improve more.

You move towards the speaker to play your title track from it's beginning and ran towards the mirror, posing your position and danced all your heart out.

When the music ended, the door suddenly slammed open leaving a squeak from your lips and watched the door with your brows meeting together.

"Oh, Hey y/n! Didn't know you'd still be here!" You smiled at the people as they start to come inside the room one by one, making the room filled with voices again.

"Hey Jisung Oppa, sorry, I totally forgot that you were using the room after us".

"It's fine! You can still continue practicing, we just came here to eat our dinner, our practice has been cancelled" Jeongin said as he skipped towards the sofa then dropped his bag.

"Is that why Chan Oppa is not with you?" You walked towards them, Minho nodded at you then started to ramble about how the oldest is not taking care of himself again.

Chan was your secret lover, he helped you ever since you moved to Seoul year ago. You both got close and even letting you hide in his studio whenever you don't feel like going back to your dorms. It was that time where you got insecure because of how people see you as a person who doesn't have any emotions.

You aren't actually the kind of person who hides their emotions in front of other people, instead you let out all of your emotions a lot that they often found you as a prey. But as you realized their intentions, you started to become numb, putting walls around you as you meet the old and new faces you've seen in your life.

Only Chan, his members, also known as Stray Kids and your own members, ITZY are the only people who have seen your crazy side, and with you debuting on ITZY, means that the public needs to see your crazy side too, and that what made you overthink about you being an idol.

Chan was the one who came into your mind, and when you told him your worries, he accidentally confessed to you while he comforted you which made you stop crying, he got worried and apologized over and over until he felt your lips against his.

And after that, you never doubted yourself again.

"Can you check on him, y/n? Tell him that the food's on it's way"

"Sure thing, be right back" you walk towards the door then went inside the floor's elevator to your boyfriend's studio.

The boys knew your relationship with their leader, and they're very happy to welcome you in their circle of friends. Since they now have known the oldest weakness, which is you, they don't mind abusing it knowing that it's also for their leader's health.

You and Chan knew that when you enter in a relationship as an idol, it would mean that you two need to be more careful since you haven't even debuted yet and dating one of the well known leader in 4th generation of kpop history. So it means, less time being and seeing each other, but whenever you got the chance to go and visit him in the studio, you would. Even if you need to sacrifice hours of your sleep to  see him.

Because that's what made you both stronger and desired each other more.

Right?

As the elevator dinged, you step outside and walk towards the all known studio that your CEO gave your boyfriend to work on their music.

You opened the door knowing that he'll be wearing headphones, his back facing you with the sounds of keypads tapping filled the studio.

But instead you were welcomed with Chan's back facing you and a girl sitting on his lap, her moans and Chan's groans filled the studio along with their skin slapping.

The door you opened slammed on the wall, making your boyfriend and the girl stopped what they're doing, their closed eyes before are now wide open as they looked at you standing in the studio's door.

You ran outside the studio heading towards the elevator before your vision becomes blurry by the mixed emotions you're feeling at the moment. You hear Chan calling your name behind you but you have no plans on talking to him right now.

Good thing that a staff of the company stepped outside the elevator, you went inside and pushed the dance practice floor quickly. Chan chased after you but the elevator doors closed right in front of him.

As the door closed, you lean back against the elevator wall, stared at the door then tilted your head while looking at your blurred reflection in front of you.

You've been through this already, having your heart shattered by guys before Chan came into your life. He knew about those experiences you had which is why it is hard for you to pinpoint your emotions at him.

Are you mad at him because he knows you like the back of his hand?

Are you mad at him because of what you've seen in his studio?

Or are you mad at yourself because you trusted him with taking care of you heart?

You couldn't care less anymore now. He broke his promise that he will take care of you. It's not new to you anymore, but the pain that Chan had cause you to feel it again, and made your numb self worse than you are before.

So when the elevator dinged to know that you've arrived on the dance practice floor, you shook your head to clear your head with thoughts and went to the boys who are inside the room before.

As you opened the door, heads were turned and you immediately noticed that your members are with the boys. When Yeji saw you she ran towards you and gave you your in-ear monitors.

"Y/N! Manager oppa said that JYP needed to see your performance with us now since their practice are cancelled" Yeji pointed at the Stray Kids members who are sitting on the floor quietly eating their dinner.

"Y/n-ya, where's Chan hyung? Did you told him that the food's here?" Hyunjin asked you as Lia helped you with your in ear monitor and handing your mic.

Before you even got the chance to answer, the dance room's door opened again to reveal JYP, along with your choreographer and your boyfriend, who's head is hanging low while following the two older men inside the room.

Your members and Chan's stood up to greet the three as JYP told the Stray Kids to continue eating as your group start to prepare for your performance in front of him.

"I want to see the dance performance that you prepared, Y/n-ssi. Sorry for the sudden announcement of your evaluation, you needed to be verified that you're qualified to become the part of ITZY," JYP explained your situation while Ryujin went to the computer to prepare your music.

You saw Chan at the corner of your eye as you assured the CEO that it was okay and asked you about your performance in your lessons. You couldn't bring yourself to smile at the man who was talking to you, so you just nod and answered his questions before he asked you to move towards the mirror to look at your performance.

You walked towards in front of the mirror and looked at your friends who was cheering you silently, smiling at you as your eyes landed on Chan, which you shrugged and close your eyes to yourself focus on your performance.

This is what you've been waiting for, now those emotions that you can't express, you can finally show it to them. You should be nervous performing in front of the owner of the company, but you let your emotions take over you, letting everything go and make sure that Chan is listening.

Do you remember you remember (Said)

Remember what you said (Said)

You started talking to me

As if you would give anything to me

Don’t you remember you remember

Remember what you said (Said)

Then you changed

As if you took special pills

Cast blue, my blurred vision

Is this true? You won’t regret this?

My yesterday, my boo boo boo

Lonely life, I like it

I swallowed the water, I got cold

I want you to be ruined, I won’t hold you

You were my yesterday, my boo boo boo

Lonely life, good bye

You look at me with cold eyes

You see me and turn as if you didn’t know me

I just stand here vacantly

I see you who I didn’t know

I can’t help laughing

Now I don’t know you anymore

I’ll forget you woo woo woo

Go away, don’t even look back

I’ll erase you woo woo woo

Go away, don’t even look back

The mixed emotions that you've been bottling in from the events hours ago has suddenly came over to you. You suddenly felt like a new person, you feel like you were the only one watching yourself dance into the rhythm.

When the music stops, you hear applause from your right side, realizing that they've been watching all along. After you give your bow, JYP confirmed that you will be debuting as the 6th member of ITZY and will prepare immediate comeback for your group. You give your thank you's and bowed at your choreographer and the CEO, who is now exiting the room, leaving you with your members, Stray Kids and Chan.

Oh, right. Bang Chan was watching you.

You were pulled into a hug by your members, squealing and congratulating you for being able to debut and join alongside with them. Stray Kids joined in congratulating you for your hard work, but you weren't responding, you weren't happy, you finally became an idol, but why does it feel like nothing?

"Y/n, I'm so sorry please let me expla–"

You turn your back on him and went towards where your backpack is, you took off your in ear monitor and put it inside your bag before you sling it on your shoulder and looked at your friends.

"I'll be going now, enjoy your dinner", you said in a cold tone and walk towards the door.

"Y/n, please talk to me," Chan grabs your wrist tightly with his two hands, you heard his voice shaking, realizing his mistake.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Yes, there is! Please! Don't leave me, I won't do it again!" You heard Chan starting to cry, your wrist now wet because of his tears falling.

"I only asked you a promise Chan", you said, your back facing him.

"I know, and I am sorry, I wasn't thinking straight, I should've never done it." He pulled you into him, hugging you from behind.

"But please, don't leave me, I can't live without you" he continued as he put his head at the crook of your neck. You hold his arms to let yourself go from him and turn around to look at him.

His black curly locks that you used to play with are messy, his eyes and nose are red because of crying, cheeks that are stained of with his tears, shaking lips as he continue to cry in front of you. Chan wasn't looking at you, he was hanging his head low but enough for you to see his state.

You would've forgive him. But the image of him and the girl earlier keeps flashing back into your head, giving yourself more reason to shut yourself from everyone else.

Now you can't feel anything, you're just there standing in front of him; blank face, your eyes that always holds stars are now just brown orbs filled with darkness and your lips pressed on a line that used to smile back then.

"Then good luck finding a way to live then, Bang Chan Sunbaenim," you bowed and walked away from him.

[eye-raq]

Ember.

Chapter One.

This is an old series that I haven’t touched in forever, probably almost a year now. Since my Wattpad got deleted, the chapters that I had linked there from Tumblr was also deleted. I’m glad that I uploaded to a03 with some chapters so am gonna post the chapters here for those who want to read it again or for first time readers. Enjoy!

Hi. It’s me, Ember. Glad you could join me tonight.

She moaned softly, audio on his Mac Book giving her voice the perfect mixture of allure and innocence. The only light that ignited the space between him was the computer and the little desk lamp that occupied his workspace. The clock read approximately 10:00 PM---right on cue like it had been for the past month now. He sat relaxed on his black leather swivel desk chair, legs spread and dark green sweatpants hanging low on his hips. His dark brown eyes covered in his gold-rimmed specs scanned the computer screen, watching her shadow dance across her walls lit by candlelight. Her bedroom was her main source, and the camera aimed straight ahead overlooking a bed that was covered in gold silk, steps on either side leading up to the mattress like royalty, and a large headboard behind it littered with many candles. He waited with little patience, fingertips grazing the keyboard. His chest heaved when he saw her cocoa colored legs come into view, draped in a black silk robe. She giggled, most likely from the many viewers that were tuning in to watch her put in work. Erik scanned her background, eyes falling on the different movie posters that covered her walls and used easels that were lined up against the lower walls. He guessed briefly that she must be an artist, deciding to store that thought in his long-term memory. Miss Ember focused the camera towards the bed more, before laying her curvy body in the middle of the mattress, black silk robe halfway open and nipples hard pressing against the fabric.

she giggled lightly, “I see we have some eager viewers tonight.” She rubbed her pillowy thighs together slow, red painted toenails curling among each other.

“So, what do you wanna see tonight you greedy men.” 

Her lips were painted in glitter tonight and her curly hair lay messily over her shoulders. Erik rubbed at his lower abs slow, mind wondering how her eyes looked since she decided to keep them out of view. Her nose had a small hoop ring in it, and her ears were covered in them too. She had the most beautifully crafted natural body he had ever seen, her curves whining and grinding in the camera purposely. She picked up her favorite purple rhinestone wand, rubbing her hands over it slow, “You wanna see me warm up a bit Daddy?” 

She spread her legs, slipping the wand along her slit slow, teasing him. She didn’t give too much away which had Erik damn near screaming in his chest. Come on, baby, stop teasing daddy, He whispered low, legs swinging because of his growing erection.

“Daddy needs to be patient” She whispered as if she were talking directly to him.

She shuffled on her mattress, picking up her phone, sliding through. In the background, a sensual instrumental played out and her teeth grazed her bottom lips lightly. She took no time to remove her robe, her black lace lingerie set coming into view. Damn, Erik spoke low, digging his thumb into the waistband of his sweats. She hummed in a melodic tone, and it sounded almost princess-like as she lay on her belly, her ass facing the camera wiggling it slowly.

“Daddy, make sure you keep your eyes on this thick ass, okay?” She arched her back into the view of the camera, the material sinking in between her cheeks. “Does my daddy like what he sees?” She took her red painted nails, running it along her pussy from behind.

Daddy likes alright. Erik lifted his hips from the chair, lowering his sweats and briefs taking no time to pull out his throbbing dick, gripping it firmly. He stroked it slowly, feeling his limbs twitch after every stroke.The chimes from the many notifications she was receiving rang out multiple times. She twerked her ass in the camera, turning her head a little towards the screen her eyes still shielded. She had a cute gold chain around her neck that hung loosely in between her lips, her tongue grazing it seductively. She paused, thumbing her panties to the side causing one of her shiny lips to peak out like a blooming flower pedal. Erik groaned deep, gripping his full bottom lip with his teeth hard.

“Oh Daddy..” 

she lowered the rest of her panties slow, finally letting the fabric rest at the crease behind her knees. That pussy. Erik was always at a loss when he saw it. How she managed to swallow the thick toys she possessed was astounding. It was of a reddish pink color, her lips like milk chocolate that hugged her clit so perfectly. Her inner lips rested against her insides like two half’s of a rose and the shine of it reflected off of her camera. Erik’s mouth watered, and he tried to slow his motions around his dick but it was really fucking hard when Ember looked the way she did.

“Daddy I’m so fucking wet already and I didn’t even do nothing yet.” 

She reached up to stroke her lips, drawing her fingers back with separation, the slimy wetness sticking to them like glue. She brought her fingers to her glittery lips, sucking each finger so rough you could hear the suction through the speakers. So fucking nasty. How does that pussy taste huh baby? Erik ran his free hand along his solid chest, eyes never blinking, focusing on her motion without so much as a flicker. She sat up on her knees, her plump ass twerking slow, face shielded by her wild mane, her hands digging into the silk. She turned towards the camera slow, her lips and round button nose in view, tongue scraping across her glitter lips.

“So fucking good daddy, I wish you were here…why’d you leave me huh?” She reached under her, fingers grazing her clit causing her to hiss low, “why’d you leave me behind to take care of myself?”

Daddy wishes he was there lovely…I sware I do.

Erik jerked his stiff dick quick, causing his limbs to rise and shake, before slowing down again running his thumb over his swollen head, pre-cum gliding over the pad of his thumb. 

Fuckkkk girl.. 

Erik lifted his glasses up the bridge of his nose, head leaning to the side in awe, eyes trying to read her from a different angle. She laid her body down slow, turning so that her pussy was in view. Her head tilted to the side on her mattress, full face finally coming into view of the camera causing chimes to ring out, which caused Erik to even hit the like button a couple of times in succession. She had a lace masquerade mask on, with cat ears, and Erik squinted his eyes to try and catch the full frame of her, but she timidly tilted her chin into the crook of her neck, making it a little harder to see. Her fingers were deep in her pussy now, damn near digging over her g spot. The noise of her motions filled the room so loud it made Erik pause his strokes just to admire her. He leaned into the computer, eyes glued to her fingers digging into her sweet cavern, legs spread wide and toes curled. If it was possible to get a taste from licking the screen he would, and his tongue was damn near soaked from the thought of it. “Oooo,” her innocent sounding voice moaned out as she thumbed her clit along with stroking her entrance, head turning from the camera lost in her motions.

“Daddy taste me..” she was whispering low now lost in her actions.

“Daddy punish me..” Erik’s hand was back to his dick now, no care at all that he stroked it quick.

“Daddy fuck me…please” She damn near begged as if he were in that room, and Erik couldn’t take it.

He wanted so bad to bury his dick all the way to her cervix. He just wanted to keep it there and fall asleep with it there, and whenever she moved, he would pump her fast and quick making her cum and cum until she couldn’t give him any more rain; until she was drained.

I love how you want daddy to punish you…

He was breathless now, air leaving his nose quick, his free hand gripping the edge of the desk tight. He jerked his hips to match her fingers pumping quick, her body leaning to one side, suspended in the air, fingers digging and her palm smacking against her pussy.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck. 

Erik knew she was close. He could tell by the way her fingers shook, and the way her pretty chubby toes curled every which way in a frenzy. Her heavy chest heaved and she began to wheeze. Erik leaned back in the chair, jerking like crazy, his legs spread wide and his free hand gripping his shoulder for leverage. He lowered his head, eyes squeezed and his mouth agape in shock. He was about to have a big nut, and all of this was because of her.

“Ahh, Daddy. Daddy. Daddyyy!” 

She clenched her lingers, crying out. Her liquid poured from her, and like a greedy person, she was rubbing her clit still, causing small bursts to escape her. Erik soon after felt that familiar tug, leaning back in the chair wildly before releasing his seed all over his Lower belly. He shook as he was coming down from his high, lifting his hand to wipe it on his pubic hair. He leaned his head back, eyes falling on her as she placed her fingers in her mouth. She sucked them deep to the point where she was making herself gag, and clearly, the viewers couldn’t get enough of that.

That pussy is fire girl. 

Erik sat up in his chair, watching her lift to her knees, her heavy breasts damn near looking at him, her hands brushing her hair from her shoulders. She giggled, her smile wide with these cute little dimples on the sides of her mouth. 

“thank you, I do it for you Daddy,” she responded to her viewers the way she knew they liked but it only made Erik feel possessive.

She reached over to pick up her favorite dildo, the one Erik had to admit reminded him of his dick. Maybe it was from the fantasy of wanting to ram his dick in her that made him comparing his dick to the toy, but either way, he rather imagined it that way. He could feel his dick twitching against his thigh, clearly ready for round two and he patiently waited, taking his sticky fingers typing out a message for her to see.

TheGoldenJaguar: Daddy really enjoyed your little show but he’s not finished with you yet 😈

Erik sat back, tongue poking out to grazing the side of his lower lip. Ember gripped her dildo at its base, wrapping her fingers around the balls. She tongued the tip in slow circles, lace covered eyes wide and innocent in the camera. She wrapped her lips around the tip, moaning from the contact while her head bobbed in a circular motion. She popped her mouth off of the toy, spitting a generous amount on it to make it wet.

“When I say I love sucking your dick daddy,” she giggled, biting her lips before sinking further onto the thick toy, her jaws sinking and her eyes never leaving the screen.

Erik damn near lost it. She sucked it that well that it almost felt like she was taking his soul. It almost felt like she was aiming to suck him dry and leave him hungry and weak. He kept his eyes on her like he was staring down at her through his dreads, hands stroking her hair, gripping it tightly, instructing her to keep those pretty doe eyes on him. His thumb grazed his lower lip in concentration, eyes low and hungry.

“Clearly my mouth needs to be filled.” 

Ember lowered her mouth onto the dick, burying it to her throat. She kept it there, coughing a little as she sucked lower. Erik grunted, wrapping his arms around his head as he watched her suck that toy like it was running away from her. Spit seeped from her mouth and trailed down the middle of her chest, gagging on the toy with no complaint.

You better suck that fucking dick girl. 

Erik jerked his leg to calm himself from gripping his dick. He shook his head in awe as she twirled her tongue around the toy, finally releasing it from her mouth, a trail of spit leaving her plump mouth.

“Did daddy like that?”

Fuck Yes.

“Mmm, Daddy, my pussy is dripping from this dick.”

Ember laid back on the bed, gripping her wand in her hand letting the dildo sit against her wet pussy. She turned on the vibrator, increasing the speed of it. Erik’s hand wasn’t the slightest tired as he jerked again, eyebrows knitted together from just the sight of her alone. He had to have this girl. One way or another he had to have her. She spread her legs wide, leaning them back further with her arms, her head lifting to get a view of the camera. She flicked her tongue over her upper lip, her brown eyes zeroing in on him. He stared back, bringing his hand to cup his balls squeezing them lightly. She took her fingers and spread her lips, her swollen clit poking out like a present. Erik wanted to suck on it so fucking bad, he had to bite his palm to control his tongue. He imagined her writhing and pleading beneath him, his arms holding her in place as he sucked her clit repeatedly, letting her cum into his mouth. He knew her cum had to taste like sweet nectar, and the skin of her inner folds feel like satin against his tongue. Shit, I just want you to sit on my face baby girl..suffocate me.

She rested the wand on her clit gently, her eyes instantly fluttering as if she was possessed, body jerking.

“Daddy, my clit..” she bit at her lip tight, elbows pressing into her legs to keep them apart. She was gonna take all of it, and she was gonna make sure he got the show of his life.

“Daddy, it’s vibrating right on my clit..” she was at a loss, her mouth parted and her eyes fighting to stay focused on the screen

“Daddy, get in me please…” she gripped the dildo with her other hand, bringing it to her entrance letting it slide into her slowly. She froze, her throat going tight and her toes pointing up towards the ceiling.

Daddy got you, baby, I promise I got you. Ima take care of that pussy. Don’t worry princess…

Erik reclined back against his chair, sweaty body sticking to the leather. He kicked off the rest of his sweatpants, legs finally free as he jerked madly. He couldn’t take the feel of the hot leather anymore so he decided to stand, dick pointed at the computer screen almost aiming at her entrance.

Stroke that nasty pussy… that’s it… fuck that shit up girl I’m not playing witchu.

She stroked her pussy and held the wand over her clit, making herself a thriving quivering mess. She was moaning louder now, damn near blowing out Erik’s speakers with her pleads. She shook her head at the feeling, speaking in tongues, wiggling on the bed in a frenzy. She focused her eyes on her pussy eyebrows frowned in concentration, damn near forcing the wand heavily on her clit.

“OH!” 

She lifted the wand from her clit, releasing the dildo, her entrance quivering and growing tight as she stilled, head falling back.

Nah, put that shit back on your clit girl, you wanted this you gon’ finish for daddy

Erik waited, chest heaving with his dreads stuck to his sweaty forehead and his glasses fogged. She rested the wand back to her clit, crying out loud, her lower body tilting from the bed again.

“Oh, oh, shit. Omg,” she lifted it again, her head falling back on the mattress. She smacked at her pussy softly, causing her body to jerk.

“Daddy it’s so fucking strong..” 

Ember lowered it slowly to her clit again, her body automatically tensing up as she dug her nails into her thighs, scraping her skin. She moved her body a little but it only made it worse causing her to cover her mouth tight, her pussy tilting to the view of the camera. she wiggled from side to side, eyes watering up underneath the lace, limbs shaking. The waterfall that followed was one to remember and Erik had to control his motion by gripping his dick tight. He let out a loud growl as her liquid soaked the silk beneath her. He threw his head back, blowing air through his cheeks in frustration. He wanted to fuck her little ass up so damn bad. He wanted to fuck her guts up, grip her neck tight, repeatedly pound her tight pussy over and over. He couldn’t take it, and he never needed a girl as bad as her.

I wanna stick my dick in this girl so fucking bad, bruh... 

His back muscles flexed as he watches her body relax, that same light giggle coming back. She bit at her finger, eyes glued to the screen. The chimes and likes were off the charts and she blushed crimson from the attention causing Erik to obsess even more than he already had.

“You still got one more nut in you daddy?” 

Ember gripped her dildo, getting up from the bed. She picked up her camera, aiming it towards her hardwood floor, placing the suction of the dildo there. She kneeled her thick ass over the dildo, jiggling a little before sinking down onto the toy. She hissed low, giving her ass a hard smack before bouncing on the toy like it was the real deal. Erik jerked madly again, his free hand gripping the edge of the desk as he leaned further into the computer. The air from his lungs suspended in his throat, and his eyebrows were scrunched in passion. He felt so good and he didn’t want it to end, watching her bounce on her dildo, the wetness from her pussy glistening it, working that toy like she needed it.

fuck that toy up girl DAMN. 

Erik closed his eyes in concentration, his motions becoming more and more sloppy as he jerked his long dick rough. He wanted to meet his end with her like he always did, greedily accepting two orgasms from watching her. She bounced harder, her head falling and her hair shielding her face. Her ass was non-stop and the arch in her back had drizzles of sweat falling there. Erik wanted to lick her skin and pussy clean with his needy tongue and it made him want to cum even harder.

fuck… I just wanna cum. 

He was moaning now, jerking his hips with his motions.

“Daddy I need you to cum for me.” 

His entire being focused in on her words. “Cum for me daddy I want that shit deep in me.” 

She looked back at the camera, her eyes low and lustful.

“Daddy I deserve it don’t I?”

yes you do

“I deserve to be fucked like this don’t I?”

mmmm, FUCK yes…

“What else do I deserve for being a good girl daddy?” She slammed down hard on the dick, voice rising.

You deserve to cum all over that fucking dick.

His lower belly began to tighten, and so did hers.

“I deserve to cum daddy? because I wanna cum so fucking bad.”

She lowered her body, hands spread against the floor, the strength of her hips rocking along the dildo.

“Daddy…yes… YES, DADDY. yes… its cumming” 

She bit at her forearm eyebrows knitted.

shit baby Daddy cumming too… 

Erik threw his head back body stiffening

FUCKKK!!!! 

He jerked forward roughly, his cum flying and spilling all over the computer screen, dripping right over her ass She stilled over the dildo, face cradled in the crook of her arm, liquid, and cream dripping and pooling around her. Both Erik and Ember were still, breathing uneven and horse. Erik sat down on his chair, sinking into the leather weakly. She lifted from the floor, grabbing up her camera, and placing it back where it was.

“Well. Daddy, that was really good,” She rubbed at her sweaty skin, “We can pick up where we left off tomorrow okay?” 

She blew a kiss at the camera, waving seductively before leaning forward, ending the live video. Erik sat still, eyes glued to his cum covered screen, before tilting his head back, eyes focused on the sky view of his LA home.

Fuck. 

Erik spoke in barely an audible, 

Does she really live in New York?

[tomuras-doormat]

His Darling - Tomura Shigaraki x F!Reader

My first post <3 This writing was for one of my college classes so this version is different compared to the original. It’s told in 3rd person (kind of?) but I hope you all still enjoy it. Word Count: 3.5K Warnings: Yandere, Kidnapping  

No more than five years old, Tomura Shigaraki was abandoned by his parents. He was a frightened child with baby blue hair and red eyes, wandering the streets during the day and resting at night. He looked to other people for help, but no one did. They ignored him because he was dirty. Tomura cried and begged and on some days, he thought that he should end it all. Tomura later developed Dermatillomania due to him scratching at his eyes and neck whenever he was anxious which caused people to label him A Monster.

All those people that ignored him had brought him to where he was now. A killer who had an obsessive crush on someone he happened to stumble into one night at the bar. She was shorter than him and thin, she had beautiful eyes and silky smooth hair, she dyed her hair pink awhile back and all that stays of it is small shadows that shine under the street lights. Tonight, the girl is alone. Tomura follows her from a distance. He does not need to follow her; he already knows everything about her. Where she lives, where she goes to school, who her friends are, and most importantly, the fact that her dad put his gambling debt on his beautiful daughter. Granted that may have been Tomura’s fault after he killed her father, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that Tomura has been helping her to pay it off! He sends her $1,000 once a week. He does not understand why she looks so confused whenever she receives the money, but he knows that it makes her happy. Tonight, Tomura decided that she is going to pay him back for all the money he has spent on her. I mean she should know where this money is coming from, shouldn’t she? He edges closer and closer to her as she gets increasingly distracted on her phone, waiting for the right moment. Tomura knows when the right moment is, he has been planning this for months now and now was finally the night for action. He walks a little closer to the unsuspecting girl and watches as she turns down the alleyway that she uses as a shortcut to get back to her apartment. That’s when he strikes. Like a predator closing in on its prey. Tomura hooks his arms under the girl’s and covers her mouth with a cloth making the girl drop her phone. She struggles a bit but eventually she calms down, a smile spreading across Tomura’s face. The one person he would never think of hurting is now in his arms. The one person who he cares about most needs him. What would happen if he left her there? Some other guys were bound to come around and have their way with the unresponsive body. Tomura could not allow that to happen, he would not allow that to happen. She was now safe in his arms. Safe from all those guys who flirt with her at the bar, safe from that crazy killer who is always on the news, safe from that nasty debt collector. She was safe. Tomura crushed her phone under his foot and picked her up princess style. He planted a soft kiss on her forehead and smiled as he carried her out of the alleyway to his home. Her new home. Their home. Main Quest Number One: Completed Tomura scowls as he drags the small figure back to his small house. Why did you try to escape? He did not understand. He made sure he had everything you liked. From the clothes you wore, to your favorite meals. He had everything memorized, it’s what a good boyfriend should do right? So why did you try to run away from him?  You were confused! That must be it. You don’t understand everything yet, that’s why Tomura is there to teach you. He’s there to be your guiding hand for you to hold. Tomura picks up the small figure gently and holds her tighter as she struggles. “Why are you doing this to me?!” she yells out at him at a volume that someone else would have heard her if he lived in a more populated neighborhood. Tomura gives her a soft smile and says, “It’s because I love you darling, you’re just confused is all and you need some guidance.” He plants a few more dry kisses onto her forehead and takes her back inside. “If you try something like that again darling, I can’t say I’ll be as nice.”  Tomura decided that she should be restrained. It was a thought that he hoped he would not have to act out, but just until she was broken in. He just needs to train her! Like a cute new pet he just got, she needs to be trained. Learn her boundaries, what she can and cannot do. He can’t be mad at her for trying to escape, he did not train her! Tomura jumped in excitement at the thought of his darling becoming obedient. Once she breaks everything will be so much better. Tomura locked the 6 locks and 2 deadbolts on his door and set his darling on the couch. “I’m going to make our dinner, stay put and watch TV, okay?” he said with a small smile. The girl starts to cry and Tomura’s expression changes drastically. “Why are you crying my darling?!” he said as he rushed over to her. “Why are you keeping me here...!” the small figure cried out. Tomura frowns and pulls the girl towards him to hold her close, a slight struggle coming from the girl. “Because I need to keep you safe darling, there are so many dreadful things in this world and I’m going to be your savior. I’ve seen the way those men eye you up. It’s disgusting to watch them, knowing they are undressing you with their eyes. I couldn’t take it anymore and I wanted you for myself.”  The girl calms down a bit and her sobs become soft sniffles. Tomura smiles at his first successful breakthrough and kisses her forehead. “I’m going to make dinner, ok darling?” he says as he stands up. He walks over to the kitchen and starts to prepare the girls favorite meal. He looks back at her occasionally to make sure she is behaving herself, growing happier and prouder at the fact that he’s slowly breaking her.  Tomura smiled at the sight of her wearing the white nightgown he bought for her. He liked seeing her in white, it made her purity shine through even more. He patted the spot next to him and waited for her to walk over to him, but she didn’t. She just stood there and hesitated. “What’s wrong my darling?” he asked, a bit annoyed. “Why do I have to sleep next to you...” the small figure mumbled. Tomura frowned and stood up, walking over to the girl. “Because I want to keep you safe in my arms even when you sleep. What if the house catches on fire and I can’t save you...?” he says as he grabs a hold of her wrist lightly. He pulls her over to the bed and waits till she is laying down. Tomura smiles to himself and crawls onto the bed himself. He pulls the covers down and holds the fragile body close to his own. He leans down to her whisper in her ear but hesitates a bit. He looks down her body a bit and kisses her neck as she squirms a bit next to him. He looks up to see a hint of pink on her face and he smiles. “I know you’re still a virgin darling, I’ll wait to do anything like that until you’re ready” he says to her and plants a loving kiss on her cheek. Tomura holds the small body close to his own and closes his eyes, waiting for the happy dreams to come to him about him and his darling. * * * Tomura woke early in the morning so he could prepare everything that needed to be done. Tomura had to leave today so he decided to give his darling a small chore list of what he wanted done while he was gone. He walked down the stairs to the kitchen to start breakfast, soon Tomura will be waking up to breakfast in bed from his darling, he must train her to do so. He was sad that he had to leave his darling alone today, but the trip was well needed. His fridge was running low on food and he wanted to have a stocked fridge for when his darling started cooking for him. He smiles to himself knowing that he has her now. He can keep her safe from everything bad in the world. Safe from everyone’s nasty glares and perverted eyes. The only eyes that can lay upon her now are his own.  He finishes making breakfast and sets it down on the table. He grabs a notepad and a pen and writes a small note for his darling. “I have to head out for a while my darling so please behave yourself. I do not want to be angry with you   I have a small list of chores for you, could you do them for me darling? -Clean the dishes -Make our bed -Pick up the Living Room a bit” With his note written and breakfast made, he grabbed the things he needed and headed out. Tomura looked up at the sky and frowned. It was dark and gloomy. Was it supposed to rain? He couldn’t remember. He sighed and walked down the sidewalk to the convenient store. It may be called a ‘convenient’ store, but it was far from that. The closest store was about a three-mile walk. Tomura would have to be gone for about 2 hours and that pained him, knowing his darling would be home alone for such a long time. He’d just have to be quick is all. Tomura smiled and started on his journey to the store, now having a purpose to go. He pulled out his small list and read it over multiple times on his way there, hopping by the time he got there he would have it memorized. There wasn’t much on it, but it was still a lot.  Tomura looked at a few display windows as he passed by some stores. He paused for a minute and imagined his cute darling in the displayed dress. He blushed at the thought of coming home to her in the outfit. He quickly walks into the store to buy the floral dress. A knee length dress that has a white base and pink flowers working its way up the fabric.  Tomura held the bag tightly as he walked out of the store. 15 minutes behind, but it would be worth it. To see his sweet in the tasteful dress and to see her reaction to seeing it herself, he was jumping with excitement. He looked up at the sky to see it had darkened even more, covering the sun completely. “I should hurry…” Tomura mumbled to himself, and so he started his quest for the store. Side Quest Number One: Completed Tomura made his way to the store and pulled out the small list. He was distracted the rest of the walk and had forgotten about memorizing the list. He looks around, walking up and down aisles to find what he needs. Frowning whenever the store didn’t have what he wanted, which was a lot of. Tomura scoffed at the thought of going to another store or even taking another day to go shopping again. He grabbed what he could get and went to the cashier to pay for his items. He glanced outside and sighed as it started to rain. Just his luck. The store clerk told Tomura his goodbyes and thank yous and Tomura walked out of the store. He looked around for the covered spots of the streets but could not find one. He sighed and started to make his journey back home at a slight job. Thunder roared and some lightning struck on his way, but it did not bother him. The only thing Tomura feared was losing his darling. He ran up to the house and pulled out his keys, unlocking the door and walking inside. “Darling! I’m back!” he yelled. Tomura closed the door and looked around. Where could she be? He walked to the kitchen and set the grocery bag down. Anger set in when he saw the untouched plate of food and the dirty dishes. He called out to her again, “Darling, where are you!”  The enraged man stormed around the house trying to find the small girl. He had started to throw doors open in his rage. Had she really left him?! Just like that! “Darling!!” he called out in an angry tone. He stormed into the bedroom and looked around. He kicked the bed and growled. Where the hell did she go? Did she seriously leave him? Tomura looked around and walked over to the closet. He opened the doors and looked down. His emotions flared in rage as he saw the girl sitting on the floor. He opened his mouth to yell at her, but the girl leaped towards him and clung onto his shirt, crying. She was crying…? A roar of thunder had the girl crying even more and suddenly he understood. He wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed into his already soaked shirt. “Did I scare you darling? I didn’t mean to, I thought you ran away from me...” Tomura had picked up the small sobbing girl and held her in his arms. He walked over to the bed and laid her down. He tried to get up, but she clung to him even harder. “Don’t leave me... Please...” pleaded the girl. A small smile spread across Tomura’s face and he laid back down with her, holding her close and whispering sweet nothings into her ear.   * * * Weeks after weeks, his darling had finally started to crack. She was warming up to him, greeting him when he returned home, started cooking meals and obeying most of his commands. Today was an extra special day, it was the first day that she had worn the floral dress that he had bought for her. The dress fit her perfect body perfectly, showing every curve off perfectly. Tomura blushed a bit as he walked over to her and kissed her cheek. She even started being more loving towards Tomura, that made him the most excited. That’s all he wanted from her was her love. He wanted her to stay home and take care of the family. A family that was hopefully soon to be a reality. “I have dinner ready for us,” she said softly. He smiled and nodded. Tomura set his stuff down and walked to the kitchen with the small girl. He looked down at the table and smiled at the home cooked meal made by his darling. This is how life should always be, this is how it was meant to be.  “I’m going to go take a shower darling,” Tomura said to the girl as she picked up his plate. The girl looked at him and nodded with a soft smile. He kissed her cheek and went upstairs to the bathroom. Tomura couldn’t even wipe the smile off his face. His new pet has finally been broken in, no need for the leash and collar anymore on his new pet. She was bound to break eventually, with no one else to talk to but Tomura, who would she turn to? She would break eventually, and it finally happened. He walked into the bathroom and closed the door. He walked over to the shower and turned it on while he started to undress. Tomura hadn’t showered a lot because he was saving the water for his darling. He finished undressing and hopped into the bathtub. He closed the curtain and leaned his head back, wetting his hair and face. Tomura smiled and closed his eyes, getting lost in thought of his darling that he didn’t hear the door open. He grabbed the shampoo and put some in his hand. Setting the bottle back down he lathered up the soap into his hair. He opened his eyes a bit to see the curtain opening, his darling sliding into the shower. A dark blush spreading across his cheeks. “Darling what are you doing...!” he managed to stutter out. The small figure looked up and smiled. “I wanted to join you...” she said softly, stepping into the shower and closing the curtain. It was the first time Tomura had laid his eyes on a woman, the only woman he ever dreamed about looking at was his darling and here she was, in front of him in the shower. His eyes were darting all over her body, not knowing where to look. The small figure stepped towards him and he wrapped his hands around her waist. Tomura looked at the girl, asking for permission with his eyes. The girl giggled and nodded, planted a soft kiss on his cheek. When he was given the okay, Tomura was on her like a wild animal. He couldn’t contain himself; self-control was blown out the window the moment he was given the okay. His hands exploded every inch of her body as she whined and squirmed under his greedy touch. Tonight, he would finally lay claim to her, he would mark her wherever he saw necessary.   Main Quest Number Three: Completed The next morning, Tomura awoke from the movement of his darling. He opened his eyes a bit and looked down at her. She was snuggled up to his chest and breathing softly. He pulled the sheets down a bit to admire her marked up body. He smiled to himself and planted a soft kiss to her forehead. Everything was now perfect. Tomura’s life was now completed. He had everything he could ask for and the next step would be soon to come. A family. * * * More weeks had passed and Tomura had been delivered the news, his darling had tested positive for pregnancy. They were both overjoyed, exchanging hugs and kisses. Worry then set in Tomura’s mind. How would this baby be delivered? He is wanted in about every state for murder, he can’t just waltz into a hospital and expect not to have someone turn him in. That was something he couldn’t risk. Tomura had to come up with a plan and he had limited time to do it. He set the girl down and smiled. “I’m so happy darling, this is all because of you, you made this possible” he said with a smile.  “Hey Tomura, do you think I could go outside...? I could buy the groceries instead of you” she said softly. Why would she want to go outside? Tomura’s chest rumbled as a low growl escaped his lips. “No, there's no reason for you to go outside! It’s not safe out there! Why would you want to leave me darling...?!” he yelled at the girl. The girl cowered a bit in fear at his loud tone. She was trying to leave him! Was everything she said an act? Was she playing with his emotions? No. No, no, no, no, no. His darling wouldn’t do that. She loved him; he knew he did. Tomura grabbed her shoulders roughly and looked down at her. “You can’t leave me. I won’t let you. You’re happy here. I know you are” he said with a dark smile. His eyes glistened with rage as the small girl whined from his harsh grip. “Tomura you’re hurting me...” she said quietly. Tomura let go as an idea popped into his head, a sadistic smile spread across his face as he looked down at the girl. He can’t have her running away from him. She has his child, she can’t run from him now He grabbed her arm and dragged her to the door to the basement. Tomura let out a low chuckle as he pulled her into the basement. He had everything prepared down here in case something like this had happened. The girl struggled in Tomura’s harsh grip; eyes filled with fear as she looked at all different tools around the basement. Tomura walked over to a wall that he had built chains into. “It’s for your own safety darling. I can’t have you leaving me. What if you happened to get hurt while you were out?”  Tomura said, worry clearly in his voice. He kneels and wraps the chains around her ankles. “I can’t have you leaving me darling…” he says with a smile. He stands up and plants a kiss on the frightened girl's forehead. “And to think I fully broke you...” Tomura walks over to the stairs as the girl cries out his name. He ignores every word she says, though it puts a great deal of pain on him to do so. The man bites his lip and walks up the stairs, a smile making its way on his hips as he closes the door.   “I won’t let you leave me darling; I’ll make sure you understand that.”

[adultswim2021]

Ephemera Week (2002)

It’s still ephemera week, and we’re still talking about John K. I said most of my piece on him in the last post, so don’t expect there to go full bore on this one, except I forgot to say he’s animation’s Jerry Lewis. His current stuff is basically Hardly Working. I will not elaborate, because I’m being mean to you0.

MARCH SPECIALS!

In March, Adult Swim advertised a run of one-off specials. A couple of them were already covered because they fell under the parameters of “Adult Swim original production”. They were Welcome to Eltingville (March 3rd) and Saddle Rash (March 24th).

Day in the Life of Ranger Smith | March 10th 2002 - 11:00 PM (Originally aired on Cartoon Network in 1999)

This was one of two specials commissioned by Cartoon Network re-imagining Yogi Bear. The artist what took this assignment was John K, who I REEEAALLY skewered in last night’s post, didn’t I?

This is about Ranger Smith harassing animals and writing them up for violating park rules, basically. It’s short! I remember liking it at the time! Okay, maybe I’m going crazy here, but I distinctly remembered a part at the end where Ranger Smith is in bed and he solemnly confides in the viewer that the noises of wilderness give him nightmares and then it just ends. Did I imagine this? It does end with him in bed, but this doesn’t happen in the version on YouTube (which is from the Adult Swim airing). Huh.

Boo Boo Runs Wild | March 10th 2002 - 11:15PM (Originally aired on Cartoon Network in 1999)

Boo Boo Runs Wild was another one of these stand-alone Yogi Bear John K specials. This one was 30 minutes long. The Ranger Smith short was a brief 7 minutes; I’m guessing they aired a couple Capt. Lingers or something to fill time.

This one is about Boo Boo reverting to his feral nature and causing BIIIIG problems! This special would later go on to be kind of a weird trolling thing Adult Swim would do where they aired it every Sunday for a few months, even promoting regularly. This was like 2006, I think? They’d also air it as part of April Fools. Is that Adult Swim admitting this special sorta sucks? Does it sorta suck? Again, I liked these at the time and REFUSED to actively rewatch these for this write-up. Sorry.

The Jetsons: Father and Son Day/The Best Son | March 10th, 2002 11:45PM (Originally aired on CartoonNetwork.com in 2001) Our John K rock block ends with a pair of Jetsons shorts, Father and Son Day and The Best Son respectively. This is kinda the same deal as his Yogi Bear shorts, but these were exclusive for Cartoon Network’s website. I remember watching them on there. They are as bad as you’d expect late-period John K internet shorts to be, though the second short is a superior version of Spielberg’s A.I. (in that it’s shorter).

Night of the Living Doo | March 17th, 2002 - 11:00PM (originally aired on Cartoon Network, 2001)

Night of the Living Doo originally aired as wraparound segments during a Halloween Scooby Doo marathon on Cartoon Network. It’s kinda like an episode of the Scooby Doo Movies, which shoehorned in a guest star each episode. Suddenly my man Dick Van Dyke be running a carnival and shit. That’s the Scooby Doo Movies. At the end of the night they played all the wraparound segments in one uninterrupted sitting, so the viewer could appreciate it as an actual full-on Scooby Doo episode. Night of the Living Doo functioned both as an extension of that series as well as a parody. The guests were Gary Coleman, David Cross, and the very cool band Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. It was all very self-deprecating and had jokes about the absurdity of Scooby Doo tropes. Well trod territory by this point, sure. But this is better than most irreverent Scooby Doo things. It didn’t hurt that I was a HUGE David Cross fan when this aired. Is this where I tell the stupid-ass story about getting mad at a message board guy for not liking David Cross? Sure. Okay, yeah. When this aired on Adult Swim a guy on Kon’s (hi Kon) message board posted something about not finding David Cross funny, shrugging that he didn’t get the hype. He cited this and his appearances in the Men in Black movies, and nothing else as proof for his lackluster comedy skills. It’s kinda like deeming Eddie Murphy as a bad comedian after watching Dr. Doolittle.

The point of this special is that David Cross is a little wooden and stilted, like in the old Scooby Doo Movies episodes. This poster revealed that he never heard David Cross’s stand-up or seen Mr. Show, explaining “I don’t watch puppet shows” A response that still baffles me to this day. Why Mr. Show isn’t a-- WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT? I’m not even sure if there was EVER a puppet on Mr. Show*. David wasn’t even a guest on Crank Yankers at this point! SO WHAT THE FUCK? To this day whenever mutual pals from that board get together and watch a movie or show and a puppet appears we make a joke about this guy. Good story? No? Fuck you.

Other stuff about this show: When it originally aired on Cartoon Network it was a little bit longer than the Adult Swim version. There’s a missing scene. I think it’s David trying to play an improv game with a mummy or something. At one point I had it on tape, but I’m not sure I kept it. Sorry.

*sorry to be coy here, but I do know of at least one puppet on Mr. Show, episode 204 there is brief footage of Grass Valley Greg putting on a puppet show for his staff. This CAN’T be the source of the confusion, can it? It’s literally like, 5 seconds.

MAIL BAG

This’ll teach me to skip a day cuz this really piled up. Thanks, guys. I love all the attention. It is my favorite thing.

I never really saw oblongs as something for the hot topic set. They had Invader Zim and Squee for that kind of shit. Oblongs feel like it was always directly targeting me: the shut-in comedy nerd who would appreciate will ferrell and the sklars being in a thing. Since they ended up doing the exact same show with Janeane Garofalo and David Cross a few years later it seems like that was the goal.

Yeah, I guess that also makes sense. There were a few elements that were kinda gothy but this show was mostly just Angus Oblong ahem, clowning around (puckering mouth to stifle laughter like Chris Elliott in Cabin Boy)

What are your thoughts on the other adult animation blocks of the past couple decades? Spike's notriously failed attempt. Animation Domination. Apparently Syfy has had their own going?

Spike was irredeemably bad. People think this shit is easy. Animation Domination is sorta legit, but it’s anchored by mostly crap. That ADHD thing was kinda good and underrated. Is that still going on? I wish I were more diligent about watching/recording that. Some of them bumpers were good. Also, we mustn’t forget MTV’s oddities. They were kinda the first cable network to court Adult Animation as their thing. They deserve some kind of credit for that. I’m sure they’re doing fine.

I'm having a nice big thing of spaghetti for dinner with some chicken parm? Jealous?

I’ve never had those are they good

What does Ephemera mean? Why is this happenening? Why aren't you talking about 10 Home Movies episodes in a row like a good boy.

In dude time, my friend. In dude time

What would be your Adult Swim dream come true?

Having a complete archive of Adult Swim blocks on a harddrive like Don Giller has with his Letterman archive. Even the commercials and shit. I know of a guy who was a regular taper of the entire block from night 1 but I’m not sure he kept up with it when they went nightly. I should ask him if he still has his tapes, huh?

That or they bring back the BUILD YOUR OWN DVD thing but with blu-rays and you can make your own bumps, which was a different thing they had. THEY SHOULD COMBINE THEM. And you can master it in SD if you wanna put 10 hours of stuff on a disk.

All this is archival bullshit dork shit. Real answer: Clay Croker comes back from the dead and every block is hosted by Space Ghost. That’d be it, right?

If anyone has genuine/better answers please write in with them I wanna keep this conversation going. ‘kay?

McDonalds reintroduces limited edition Adult Swim Toys. You can get them all (plus an extra to keep wrapped for collectors purposes) but you have to spend 20 dollars at McDonalds to grab them all. This is the last day of the promotion. You have to personally eat everything you buy but you can take it home. You can only buy one of each food item. What are you getting? I know the longer the mailbag message is the quicker you are inclined to give some glib remark but indulge this one for once.

Oh wow. I’m literally going to take this seriously. I’d roll in as breakfast was ending. Get myself a McChicken Biscuit and a Bacon Egg & Cheese McGriddle, hashbrowns and a Coffee. Gobble that knob on down. Wipe my mouth with a napkin. It’s lunchtime, bitch. Big Mac, Large Fries, BIG ass soda. You feel me, dude? Lemme tally up. Okay, probably need more. 20 piece nugget. Take that home cuz I’m probably gonna have to save some for dinner. That’s probably 20 bucks right there, especially if you go to the McDonalds on Burnside where all the menu items are more expensive because of the amount of security they have to hire (did you know that different McDonalds have different prices even in the same city? I didn’t until very recently). If this somehow doesn’t satisfy my price point I get a Vanilla shake and eat it anally DURING my BIG D squirt sesh, so it’ll spend as little time in my body as possible. Wait, do I get something for this? I might do this tomorrow just cuz. It sounds like a funky thing to do

Do you think you'll open an Adult Swim mueseum at some point? You seem to be the only steward of its history.

Unless I’m hired to by a large corporation, probably not. Also I don’t think I actually have much in the way of merch other than DVDs. I stopped being a DVD completist at some point around Freaknick The Musical. Oh, I never EVER bought a Robot Chicken DVD, EVER. I literally had a nightmare once that one appeared in my collection.

Hey! Please keep us abreast any time you put more of your garbage on eBay. Maybe you can put your wedding dress on there, you big girl.

Fucking sexist/trasphobic behavior.

Check out my eBay auctions I got season 18 of NCIS up there and some other things :)

The Ripping Friends blow chunks. I don't care if a rapist or the opposite of a rapist (a virgin who volunteers, lol) made it. It sucks a high hard one like when Ozzy banged the Cheiftan's Wife in that Black Sabbath TV Funhouse cartoon. Tell me more.

Tell you more?

Name one rap song you tolerate lol. You can't say anything by weird al or marky mark.

I guess I like the song the pest sings from the motion picture The Pest

Are there any good podcasts on adult swim?

The official one hosted by Matt Harrigan is good, but I’ve only bounced around on it. I don’t know if there’s any formal recap ones. I simply don’t know!

HE'S GIVING HIGH HARD ONE TO CHEIFTAN'S WIFE? UH OH!

Buddy, you are BANNED for LIFE from my MAIL BAG! You drive me CRAZY!

[randomfandomnerd]

Sunshine and Shadows- Chapter 1

Watching Nico talking to Annabeth and Percy, Will mentally slapped himself in the face. That conversation had gone about as smoothly as the surface of the moon. There was no chance of Nico ever willingly talking to him if he behaved like an overprotective mother hen, although part of him still wanted to wrap the son of Hades up in a blanket, burrito-style, and hand-feed him nutritious snacks.

“Solace!”

The harsh tone of Clarisse’s voice snapped him back to reality.

“Quit admiring Di Angelo! I know you’d be more than happy to do that all day, so I’m reminding you now! You have an appointment after lunch to give Chuck a check-up DO NOT BE LATE OR YOU’LL BE GETTING AN APPOINTMENT WITH MY SPEAR!”

On that friendly note, the newly-elected godmother stormed over to the Athena Cabin to harass the campers who had offered to weave clothes for the new-born satyr. Gods help whoever stood in the way of her warpath. She adored Chuck and was determined to make his life as perfect as possible. 

Will nodded vaguely, before turning back to watch the son of Hades. He couldn’t help it. It wasn’t his fault that Nico was so gods damned attractive. Nico laughed at something Percy said, the action lighting up his face, making him truly look like the angel his name said he was. He gave Annabeth a high-five before heading back towards where Will was standing in front of the Apollo Cabin. 

Will noticed a blush creeping into his cheeks and quickly turned away, mortified. A moment later he felt a prod at his shoulder and looked up to see the son of Hades regarding him questioningly. 

“Will? We’d better get these 3 days over and done with then, right?”

Startled, Will let out a weird laugh that sounded like a piece of machinery made by Cabin 9, before nodding, turning round, and promptly walking into the doorframe, much to the amusement of Kayla, who was sitting inside, waxing her bowstring. Embarrassed, he quickly changed from his flip-flops into something more suitable for the infirmary before emerging again onto the porch. 

✧✧✧

Nico was waiting for him on the porch, leaning against a post, drumming his fingers against the railing. When Will approached him, he stood up and gestured for the son of Apollo to lead the way. The walk to the infirmary was short, thank the gods, and Will spent the time determinedly staring forwards. A few campers were hurrying around, carrying supplies. Will nodded a hello towards Jake Mason, who  was with a few other Hephaestus kids. The older boy didn’t have crutches any more, but preferred to use a cane when he had to walk around. Typical Cabin 9-style it had several cool additions, such as being able to extend into a fighting staff and, if Harley had anything to do with it, probably a flamethrower somewhere. The scarily muscular 8-year-old was chatting animatedly to his older brother, but he wasn’t at his usual bouncy self. Harley had worshipped Leo, and had been devastated by his loss. It didn’t help that now, closer to the start of school, all of his siblings, save for Nyssa, would be heading home or to college for a while. Will made a mental note to hang out with him more. 

The two boys reached the doors of the infirmary and Will opened one, stepping aside to let Nico in first. Once they were inside, Will made a beeline for an empty bed at the back of the infirmary.

“We save the front beds for anyone that comes in with a really severe injury”,

he explained. He gestured for Nico to sit on the bed while he fussed around, clearing some of Austin’s sheet music away from a chair before plonking himself down on it. He’d have a word later with his brother about working on his compositions in the infirmary. Glancing up, he noticed that Nico was looking rather awkward (and adorable). He kept moving his hands around, as if he weren’t quite sure what he was doing, whilst desperately avoiding eye contact with anyone. Right. Nico wasn’t a people person, and it was currently quite busy in the surrounding area. Will stood up to draw the blue curtain around their area, before turning to address the son of Hades. 

“I know this is primarily for you to get some rest, but I think I should give you a general check just to make sure nothing other than your irresponsible use of underworldy powers is a problem.”

Nico scowled at him but didn’t argue, instead opting for a curt nod. Will continued,

“I’ll start by looking under that bandage on your arm”

He reached out to Nico’s arm 

“Is this ok?”,

he asked. Nico paused slightly, before nodding again. As gently as he could, Will raised Nico’s arm and began to slowly unwind the bandage, revealing several nasty-looking red claw-marks gouged into his skin.

“Werewolf claws”,

mumbled Nico. Will frowned.

“These are definitely infected. I’ll check for a fever and get some ambrosia for you. I reckon these will leave scars.”

He hesitated, then leaned in and brushed Nico’s raven-black hair from his forehead. It felt soft and, to his dismay, Will found his cheeks turning pink again. Holding the back of his hand against Nico’s pale forehead, he noticed how warm the son of Hades was.

“Nico, you’re burning up!”,

he announced before rummaging around in a nearby cupboard for some ambrosia and anything else he could use to treat the wound. He noticed a rather sad-looking Aloe Vera plant. Didn’t his siblings know that Aloe Vera should be placed in direct sunlight and not at the back of supply cupboards? He placed the poor plant in the windowsill, before taking a washcloth and some antibacterial ointment from the cupboard, along with the promised ambrosia. After thoroughly washing his hands, he handed the ambrosia to Nico, who began to delicately take small bites out of it, while he wet the cloth under the tap and started to carefully clean the wound. Nico winced slightly when the cloth made contact with the infected area, but had a slightly dopey faraway expression whilst he ate the ambrosia. Will wondered what Nico tasted when he consumed ambrosia. When Will ate it he tasted the sweet lemonade his grandma made whenever he returned home to visit. He tended to remain at camp most of the time, due to his mum always travelling for work and his insistence not to attend any sort of boarding school, but every now and again, he would fly over with a satyr protector to stay at his grandparent’s house with her. When he left, he would spend most of his time wondering when, or if, he’d ever get to go back. Especially after having 2 big wars in the space of a few years. Of course, his problems were all miniscule compared to what Nico had had to go through. He’d had to face the death of his sister, being alone with only a ghost for company, knowing about Camp Jupiter and not being able to tell anyone, being kidnapped and locked in a jar by crazy giants, and then on top of all of that had to deal with everyone at camp avoiding him, because they thought that he wasn’t normal. It all made Will so angry at the world, for allowing some people so many good things, when Nico could probably count the number of times he’d been happy since coming to camp on one hand, and still have fingers left over to spare.

Nico cleared his throat, and Will realised to his embarrassment, that he was staring again. He sheepishly placed the cloth in the sink, before lightly spreading a thin layer of the antibacterial ointment over the claw marks and murmuring a prayer to his father, while wondering if it would even work, seeing as Apollo was probably at that moment in time in the middle of a long lecture from his father, Zeus, concerning Octavian, the evil stuffed-toy destroyer (Percy had treated the whole camp to a story at the campfire of how his panda pillow pet had been brutally slaughtered). 

He then covered the wound with a gauze pad, finishing by gently wrapping a length of bandage around, to prevent further infection. 

He turned round to clean up while giving Nico strict instructions,

“I’ll talk to Chiron and explain that you are under no circumstances to partake in any sort of training exercises. You should spend most of your time here, getting some much needed sleep, however I think it’s a good idea for you to attend 1 meal a day at the pavilion, which will also allow you to have some healthy time outdoors. The rest of the time I will provide food for you.”

Even though he was facing away, he could imagine the son of Hades glaring daggers at him. 

“I can get food myself. There’s a McDonalds near enough that the shadow travel shouldn’t hurt me.”

Will sighed in exasperation, running a hand through his hair and turning around to face his stubborn patient.

“Really? What part of ‘you can’t even summon a wishbone without melting into a puddle of darkness’ do you not get? I’m not even going to start on the ridiculous lack of proper nutrients in a McDonalds meal. What can they offer you that camp doesn’t?”

Nico raised his chin in a show of defiance

“Does Camp Half-Blood offer snazzy boxes? No I thought not. It also has an over-bearing mamma bear watching my every move. When I agreed to this, I expected gentle rest, not a prison sentence.”

He dramatically flopped back on the bed, his head on the pillow. 

“I’m not even tired! Not one bit!”

Fixing his glare at the ceiling he mumbled

“This is a nice pillow. Soft and squishy.”

On that note, he fell asleep, still muttering about how fully awake he was. Amused, Will shook his head and stepped out of the curtained area into the main area of the infirmary to see Cecil and Austin chuckling in his direction. Austin was in the process of checking Cecil’s strained calf muscle and met Will’s eyes with an amused look.

“Why William my dear brother, I do believe that you have met your match. He’s just as headstrong as you are!”

Disgruntled, the senior counsellor of the Apollo cabin went to the storage closet to reorganise the medical supplies.

[kasienda]

Fanfiction Year In Review - 2020

The rest of 2020 was rough, but I sure wrote A LOT! And that feels good. 

1 List of fics completed this year in the order they were finished:

Confessions to a Statue (Ladybug) - I’m lowkey shocked that this was finished in 2020. I feel like I wrote this one an eternity ago! It’s honestly not my favorite story, but I’m grateful to it for getting me writing in this fandom! 

Stutters (Ladybug Reveal - Marichat)

An Open Secret (Ladybug for Gift Exchange)

Instagram (Ladybug Reveal - Ladrien)

Anything to Protect You (Sailor Moon for Gift Exchange)

Locked in a Closet (Ladybug Reveal - Sequel to MissNoodle’s wonderful work.)

New York (Ladybug Reveal - Ladynoir)

A Craving For Chocolate Milkshakes (Sailor Moon)

Eight fics in total! Four of them multi-chapters! Crazy!

2 Number of words written: 

Written: 139k (as tracked by 750words.com)

Published: 105k (according to ff.net).

This is amazing! This is the first year (that I know of anyway - I’ve only been tracking for three years) that I broke 100k in one year!! I wrote every month, and I published at least one thing every month except August (I was moving in August).

I’m thrilled to see the written to published ratio as high as it is! It’s not something I’ve tracked before, but I always feel like I’m writing a ton and publishing very little, but it looks like that impression is fairly inaccurate. I’m publishing a lot more than I realized relative to how much I’m writing.

3 Your most popular fic:

My Miraculous Reveal Series has also gotten the most recognition of all my works this year, but it’s difficult to splice out which short is the most popular because I publish it as one series. Keeps my dashboard neater and gives the old ones a bit of attention whenever I post a new one. 

4 Your personal fav:

I think I’m insanely proud of both An Open Secret and Anything to Protect You. As I published each chapter, I often had the thought “This is the best thing I’ve written!” And that feels good. 

But right now, I am going to have to say an unfinished fic that I started this year - Restorative Justice - is my favorite. This is a fic that has pulled me out of my usual genre and gotten me closer to my life as a teacher. And it’s powerful and cathartic to turn these experiences into a story. I also really enjoyed exploring Chloé’s headspace. She’s just so angry, and like, this year that has been really easy to channel for some reason, and it all transferred to paper rather well. I’m kinda stuck in this fic at the moment though… 

5 Your fav scene:

I literally cannot decide. I could maybe pick a favorite scene in each fic I finished, but just one?! Nope! I can’t do it. So here’s my favorite scene in the three works I’ve spent the most time on this year: 

An Open Secret - the scene where Ladybug confesses to Chat Noir in the rain. The moment it all comes together for Adrien. I made myself cry. 

Anything to Protect You - Honestly, this one is HARD to pick. I really like the UsaMamo kiss in the first chapter, but I also love the dates. Especially the moment where she tells him she’s Sailor Moon and he thinks she’s joking. And the cattery date.

Restorative Justice - Chapter 3 - Where Chloe and Marinette are screaming at each other. I found it so satisfying. 

6 A fic or scene that challenged you:

Writing the festival scene in Anything to Protect you was an absolute slog! I was struggling so hard with trying to somewhat accurately capture a cultural event that I myself have never directly experienced (I did so much research - I read a lot, I listened to music, I watched videos), and at the same time not stall the pacing of the story or emotional anchor of the piece. It was so hard, but I was really happy with how it came out. 

7 A line of writing you’re proud of: 

From the most recent update of a Craving for Chocolate Milkshakes: 

So she dove back into old habits and started drawing chibi-tuxedo masks all over her worksheet.

Go ahead. Do your worst. 

He always had some playful or snide critique of her scribbles.

She waited a whole ten seconds before she realized the mental silence would not be filled. Because he wasn’t there. He couldn’t see her doodles.

She burst into tears.

8 A comment that touched you: 

Honestly, this year it wasn’t so much what was in a comment, so much as it was when a comment arrived. Like when I was ready to tear my hair out arguing with the bank or insurance company, and then a review would pop up out of nowhere! Or when I was sitting next to my son at the hospital. Sadly, I don’t remember which comments were the ones that did this. But I think LitaKino had especially good timing more than once this year. And jennagrins as well! But there were so many others! I’m tell you all - comments are love!!

9 Something that inspired your writing:

There’s lots of the usual suspects - life, husband, children, students, etc.

But a lot of it this year has actually been reading other people’s stories and wanting them to keep going, or wanting them to have taken a different turn in the story arc. And then I have to open a doc a start a whole new fic! It’s kinda a problem honestly. I have thirteen active stories and another ten that I’m like - I would like to work on that, but it’s not happening at the moment. 

10 Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

That I finished four multi-chapter fics! (Though two of them it was just the last chapter). I think I’m proving to myself that I can be somewhat disciplined about what I’m working on, so that the projects I want to finish, get finished! 

And I’m also learning that you can write a lot with just chewing away at it bit by bit. It’s not about the 3k word days. It’s about it being a habit. If you can write 100 words every day that’s 36k words in a year! I wrote an average of 378 words per day! My goal is only ever 200 words, but I try to have an unbroken chain. I did not succeed this year in that due to weekly work deadlines, but I came a lot closer than I ever have before.

11. Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

I read my goals from last year and laughed. (Apparently, I wanted to finish Chocolate Milkshakes by the end of January. Bwahahaha!) But that’s okay. I wrote a ton this year!! It just wasn’t where I expected it to be. So that’s what I want this year to be about. I want to focus on my own personal projects by not making commitments for exchanges or events.

I have three WIPs right now that are just far more personal than anything else I’m working on. And these three stories are the ones I want to focus on this year. 

Invisible Wounds - (Ami/Zoi - Sailor Moon)

Restorative Justice - (Chloé POV - Ladybug) 

Right Behind You (Unpublished Adrino story - Ladybug) 

I imagine though that there will be one-shots that demand to be written in between, or one shots that will work me out of ruts, too. Or one shots that will explode into seven chapter outlines like jerks! Haha! 

But overall, my main goal is to just try to write every day!

I tag the following people to tell us about your fic writing accomplishments this year because you’re amazing!! @tinacentury @floraone @starlingsinclair@mikauzoran @chronicallylatetotheparty @ladyofthenoodle @alexseanchai @galahadwilder And anyone else that wants to! And of course, if I tagged you and you don’t want to, there is NO pressure. I’ve just enjoyed doing this over the years, and wanted to share the joy! 

[dearest-bucky]

Ask to be unbroken (One Shot)

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: What does it take to break down the walls of a scared, broken heart?

Words: 5.1K

Warnings: Sadness, emotionally traumatized reader, crying, fluffy ending of course!

A/n: I feel this fic on a personal level, considering this reader is loosely based on myself, so I really hope you guys will like it. Feedback is greatly appreciated! x

Originally posted: May 16, 2020

“Will you go on a date with me?”

Out of everything she could have imagined him ask, he went and asked her out on a date. Why would he do that anyway? Why would he want to go out with her? It’s not like she is the most beautiful girl in New York. Hell, she probably isn’t the most beautiful girl inside the small bookstore she owned, crowded with people as he asked the question that literally rendered her speechless.

Her mouth was suddenly dry and despite the fact that she knew it would have probably taken him a great deal to work up the courage and ask her on a date, she had to refuse.

Fumbling with the pages of the book that was currently in her hands, eyes not daring to meet his, she finally managed to speak up enough for him to hear. “I’m sorry, Bucky I don’t think that’s a good idea.” And that’s all it took for him to apologize too, before moving up from the chair he was sitting, right opposite of her  and left the bookstore without so much of another word.

It was just another work day at the bookstore, not too many people as there usually were, but enough to keep her on her feet all the time. The little bell that informed her of the door opening rang with it’s usual ring and her attention moved from the young student in front of her  to the direction of the door, where a tall, handsome man just entered. She greeted him with a smile as she did all of the people who came in the bookstore, before returning her gaze to the aforementioned girl, continuing to help her with the literature she needed.

Most of the people had bought whatever books they needed and left, leaving inside the bookstore only her with a couple of costumers, an old woman that was sitting in one of the armchairs near the window, reading a novel in peace, and as she looked in his direction again, the handsome stranger that she had seen for the first time in her life and in her shop. She was sure she would have remembered his face if he’d come before. He was moving along the shelves, looking for nothing in particular as it seemed, until Y/n cleared her throat before speaking to him. “Hi there, do you need help with finding anything?” Her voice was sweet and polite, just like every other time she spoke to anyone.

The stranger turned his body slightly in her direction, his eyes - the bluest she’d ever seen in her life, she concluded - meeting her figure. “ I-um.. I was actually just looking.” He spoke, unsure. That was a little weird, she thought, before he spoke up again, this time giving his tone a little more force, trying to sound more sure in himself. “My friend said I need to catch up on literature and I don’t know… Anything that is worth reading?” He finished, trailing as the question left his lips.

“Well, anything you are interested in? What do you usually enjoy reading?”

“I’m not sure…” His eyes drifted towards the shelf of books again as he tried to focus on reading the titles in front of him.

She looked at him curiously, then moved her eyes to the books too, not wanting to seem like a creep staring him down. “Don’t worry, I will help you find something.” She stretched her hand out to pat him on the forearm as a sign on friendliness - she always tried to make people feel welcome and touching was like her way of showing she cared - but as soon as she did so, she noticed him stiffen and take a step back from her, so she quickly retreated her halfway up hand, mumbling out an apology. As he retreated from her, she could notice a flicker of silver shine from the little ridden up sleeve of his hoodie and her mind clicked in recognition.

He could only muster up a half smile and shook his head to let her know it was okay, and they both walked to the front of the shop, where the old lady was still present with her nose buried in the book she was holding in her old, a little shaky hands.

She moved calmly and carefully around the desk that served also as the cash registering place for all the buying and sells and opened a drawer under the said desk, holding two books, that looked, from their appearance older than she was. She straightened her blouse before turning to him again, a small smile resting on her lips despite the awkward situation just a couple of minutes ago.

“Here.” She said and offered the books to him, careful to not touch his hands as he took them from her. He inspected the books, reading their titles in a mumbled voice before looking up to her again, a small smile making its way on his own lips.

“How much are these?” He asked and she only shook her head before responding again.

“These are actually not for sale. They’re first editions and very valuable to me, but I’m willing to lend them to you so you can read them. If you like them you can come back and then buy something else.” She finished, her smile widening more as she spoke, but he only squinted his eyes in disbelief at her action. She was too trusting for her own good, he thought and he couldn’t help the question from slipping past his lips.

“How are you so sure I’ll bring your books back?“Something flickered in her eyes, amusement, glee, he wasn’t sure what was it, only looking at her pointedly as he waited for her to respond.

"Well, I’m no genius or whatever, but I wouldn’t suspect of Bucky Barnes as a book thief.” His eyes widened in shock, for a short second, before he took in a quick breath he didn’t know he was short of. She had recognized him. But that wasn’t the real important thing. She had recognized him and she wasn’t scared of him. A ghost of a smile formed on his lips in wonder.

After that day he had come back to the bookstore again and again. At first, his visits were sporadic and short, long enough only to exchange books with her and then leave, but after the first two months of that he started to visit more often, until after three months, he would stop everyday at the bookstore. He’d spend most of his time there, the small bell informing of his arrival early in the morning, only a half hour after she opened, two cups of coffee in one hand and a paper bag of pastries in the other, their usual breakfast. He’d usually talk with Y/n and help her organize the books on shelves, or when there were too many costumers and she needed to be with them, he’d sit on the purple armchair opposite the old woman - he’d learned her name was Pearl - and read a book of his own.

Whenever he was on a mission, he’d make sure to let her know he couldn’t make it to the shop that day or however long it took and it was 8 months later and he was feeling himself fall a little more every day for her.

She had this calm presence that he almost craved, what with his crazy life as an Avenger, and she was always kind and sweet. And not only to him. She treated everyone she met with the same kindness, always careful when she spoke, making sure each person she interacted with was feeling comfortable in her presence. And he loved her for that. Up until now, their meetings were only limited in the small space of her bookstore and while it pleased Bucky to simply be in her company, he wanted to get to know her outside her shell of a shop too.

Usually, when she closed around 9 pm, he’d be with her to help her until the end, but they always separated their ways in front of the small pink door of the book store, him mounting his motorcycle and riding to the compound, and her walking the short distance of two blocks until her apartment.

That night though, Bucky didn’t want to be separated from her just yet, so he offered to walk her  and after a small moment of hesitance, she slowly nodded her head. “I can come back for my bike later.” He said as they made their way in the direction of her apartment.

They were walking slowly beside each other, the sounds of New York City never dying as they tried to hold a conversation. Despite having known him for almost a year now, she still didn’t dare be too intrusive, knowing how he struggled with almost everything after all that had happened to him. And she didn’t blame him at all for that, she could never. She respected him too much for that.

“We have a mission tomorrow.” He said as they walked, kind of out of the blue, considering they had been talking about the drinking habits of Hemingway just a moment ago before they’d fallen in a comfortable silence.

“Oh.” It was the only thing that left her lips. She knew his job as an Avenger was demanding, keeping him away on missions more often than not, but she couldn’t say anything about it. She could only worry in silence.

“Yeah, um, it will probably last a week or two. Depends on how helpful Sam is in this one.” He tried to joke, noticing how she had visibly stiffened a little when he turned his head on the side to look at her. But she didn’t laugh. She didn’t even smile. It was as if she hadn’t heard him at all.

Voices shouting, nearing them with each passing second could be heard and Bucky turned to the direction of the noises to assess the situation,  his body working on auto pilot, looking around for possible threats. All he was met though were the loud, screeching voice of a woman and the grunts and yells of a man following behind her. They seemed like just another couple fighting so he let them be, not one to meddle in other people’s business as long as they didn’t hurt anybody. People were looking at them intently, eager to follow the drama unfolding before them, but he simply shook his head at the sight and turned to look again at Y/n, only to not find her beside him where she was a moment ago. He was so confused for a second, until he saw her in front of him, walking alone, trying to get away from all the yelling and cursing.

With a few quick strides he was able to catch up with her, his right hand taking a light hold of her wrist, stopping her dead on her tracks. “Y/n?” He turned her to look at him, confused by her behavior. “What happened?”

She didn’t speak right away, only picked up her head to slowly meet his eyes, her own glazed with unshed tears and his confusion turned to worry, he was quick to place a hand on her cheek and caress the soft skin of her face. “Hey, are you okay?” His voice was small and cautious, as if he was scared she’d explode like a bomb if he weren’t extra delicate with her. She only nodded her head and took a step back, his hand falling down from her face while she did so.

“Y-yeah.” She stammered out. “I’m okay, I just need to go home.” As soon as she finished her sentence she turned to walk again, confusing Bucky even more but he didn’t let her go away, following behind her and walking beside her until they arrived in front of a tall building and she stopped. The remainder of the way they had walked in silence, so when she turned to him, looking a little more put together than 10 minutes ago, he let out a small sigh of relief.

“This is me.” She spoke up and he could only offer her a small smile in return, not really knowing what else to say. She didn’t let him too much time to think though, as she spoke again. “Thanks for walking me. Good night Bucky.” Her voice was smaller than usual, as if she was scared of him and he couldn’t understand what happened that caused her change in demeanor, but he wasn’t about to let her go like that. He carefully wrapped his hand around her wrist again, just like he did before.

“I’ll text you when I’m away, okay?” He said to her, a hopeful glint in his eyes despite the timid tone of his voice as he said those words.

“Okay.” She replied, just a simple word before turning to walk towards the entrance of the building.

“Good night Y/n.” He spoke behind her, loud enough for her to hear despite the distance between them as she walked. She only turned her head back to offer him a small smile, before disappearing inside the building. That was all he needed anyway.

True to his word, Bucky had texted her as much as he could during the entire time he was away on his mission. Despite the slightly awkward way they parted the other night, he texted her as if nothing had happened, complaining about something Sam did, as usual, asking about her day, her work, the shop, Pearl, chatting the days away until he’d come back.

It was more than two weeks later that he did come back. 18 days to be exact, but who was counting? Certainly not Y/n. Despite the constant texts they exchanged, she missed not having him there with her at the bookstore. She missed seeing him reading in silence opposite to Pearl, stealing glances her way that he’d thought she didn’t notice while she was talking with other costumers. She missed the way his eyes wrinkled when he laughed at something Pearl said to him, or the way his brows pinched together in concentration when he focused on the pages of the books, the way his tongue poked out slightly, wetting his lips as he changed the pages. He had become a constant in her life, slowly but surely warming his way inside her heart.

When he first entered her shop she didn’t recognize him, but then after the dead giveaway that was his metal appendage she’d scolded herself for not identifying him sooner. She’s have saved herself the embarrassment and the awkwardness of that day. She still had managed to recover the situation rather nicely though.

Now as she sat close to Pearl, talking about no other than one Bucky Barnes, she couldn’t help the feeling of anxiety in her chest. She was starting to feel more than she should for him and it would be recommendable to stop before that went too far.

“I’m not saying that.” She tried to reason with the older woman who was without a doubt the most stubborn person on the planet. “I’m just saying that I’ve had enough of messed up relationships in my life I don’t need another one.”

Pearl scoffed in annoyance at her words. If there was someone she knew almost as well as she knew herself, that was Y/n. For almost five years now, she’d been a regular at the bookstore and getting to know the young woman, she’d concluded she was an amazing person who deserved only the very best of everything life could offer her. But she also had a lot of traumas from her past, relating mainly to the family she was raised in.

Her parents would fight a lot, her house never being a quiet and loving home, never a good enough place and environment to raise a child. Living in a war zone, as she usually called it, for the lack of a better word from her part, Y/n had swore she’d never become the same person as her parents were. When she was 18 and had just graduated high school, she’d left her hometown and moved to New York, alone, not knowing anyone in the city, but she’d made it, almost. 10 years later and she was a whole different person from the emotionally wounded girl she’d been when she had left her house, but no matter how much time had passed, the scars had left their marks. All over her soul.

“Listen to me sweetie.” Pearl started, determined to make her listen, and not only with her ears but also with her heart. “I know what you’re scared of, but you’re nothing like your parents. You’re a gentle soul and you’d never turn out to become like your mother and he is so kind and careful and his eyes shine so bright whenever he looks at you, it’s adorable.” She stopped for a moment to draw in a short breath and then with dreamy eyes, fixed her sight to Y/n, before speaking again. “Reminds me of my darling Rob.”

Y/n smiled at her last words, knowing Pearl’s story with her late husband Robert. It was one of her favorite love stories, but despite everything Pearl had told her, sharing her life with the younger woman in hopes to make her open up her mind and her heart to the possibilities of love, Y/n was still held prisoner of her childhood trauma. A miserable family makes for miserable kids. And miserable kids makes even more miserable adults.

It wasn’t that she didn’t believe in love, because she did, she just didn’t believe love was for her. A loving family wasn’t in the cards for her. It never was anyway. Not even when she was an innocent child, still unfamiliar with the heartbreak and pain. Her very soul had been broken by the two people who were supposed to never hurt her, but she guessed it was what it was.

She would reply to Pearl again, but she stopped when she heard the bell on the door alert her of people coming in the shop. She turned her head to look at the new company and was surprised to see Bucky, smiling sheepishly at her from where he was standing. She gave a look to Pearl, who was smirking from her seat and got up from her own chair and walked to him, him meeting her halfway.

She held her breath as she took him in, he looked just like the last time she’d seen him, if only more handsome. There was a faint bruise on his cheekbone and she winced as she moved her hand up to brush her fingers lightly on it. “Hi.” She finally managed to speak a little breathless, but he didn’t seem to notice, too lost in her eyes to pay attention to the tone of her voice.

A long minute passed before he broke off the trance he was in and finally managed to whisper back to her. “Hi, doll.”

She was about to say something else, anything really, wanting to ask him about the mission, despite the fact that he wouldn’t be able to tell her much, to ask him if he was okay, if he was hurt, if he had eaten anything, but she couldn’t bring herself to form the words as she stared in his ocean blue eyes. And just after another short moment, the bell of the shop rang again and more people entered, as if Bucky had brought them with him.

They had to move away from each other as people roamed around the place, and Bucky walked to Pearl to greet her with a light hug. She patted his cheek affectionately in return and Y/n swore she caught the hint of a blush creep up his cheeks at the older woman’s gesture, it was endearing. However she didn’t have time to stay and watch them as she was needed to help a kid no more than 12 years old find a book.

After some time, she was finally able to take a breath and sit down, seeing nobody needed her help for the moment, the people around roaming through the shelves and fending for themselves. She walked to the corner Bucky was sitting with Pearl, but the latter wasn’t there anymore. Y/n raised her eyebrow in question as she sat down to the chair she had been previously sitting.

“To the vendor outside.” He pointed outside the window, seeing a street vendor sell hot dogs and cotton candy. She could see Pearl talking to the men and she smiled at the sight, before turning her attention to Bucky.

“How are you? How was the mission?” She asked, sincerity and care evident in her voice.

“Too long.” Were his only words of reply and she only nodded at him. Too long to go without seeing your face everyday , he wanted to say but didn’t dare speak those words.

A long silence stretched between them, neither of them knowing what else to say. They had both missed each other so much but neither was about to admit that out loud. Too scared, too anxious to mess anything up.

After what felt like too long for his liking, Bucky finally managed to clear his throat, as if the very action would help him gain some courage to speak up. “I-um.. I was actually wondering…” He started to speak, so unsure in himself it made Y/n think of the first time they’d met and he’d spoken to her. “Well, I’ve been thinking while I was away, and I wanted to ask you something.” He finally managed to drawl out the words.

He knew there was no turning back after this, once the words left his mouth, things would change between them, but if he didn’t ask he’d drive himself crazy with the thoughts of what ifs. So he steeled his nerves before speaking up again.

I like you Y/n,“ He started again and saw her eyes widen at his confession. "I really do like you, and I was hoping we could go out sometimes, you know…” He trailed, unsure of how to finish, but she didn’t speak so he had to fill the quietness somehow, too nervous to bare the sound of silence. “So, will you go on a date with me?”

He was staring at her, hoping to hell that she said something before he lost his nerve and broke down in front of her. Hopeful eyes were staring up at her own confused, scared? ones and he couldn’t help the panic that rose in his chest, already knowing what her answer would be.

“I’m sorry, Bucky I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Her voice felt distant as she spoke the words and he couldn’t stand to be in her presence anymore, too ashamed to even look in her eyes now. He nodded his head - not asking for another explanation, he got his answer - and walked out of the book store without another glance back.

He felt foolish. He had ruined everything because he’d caught feelings for her. He had wanted to tell her he loved her, but he was glad he went for ‘like’ instead, otherwise it would’ve been twice as embarrassing. It was enough that he had killed himself for more than two weeks trying to muster up the courage and let her know how he felt. Now of course she thought it wouldn’t be a good idea to date him. Who in their right mind would want to date him anyway? He knew all too well what was wrong with him, but it didn’t mean her rejection hurt any less because of that.

He almost crashed into Pearl as she was walking back to the bookstore and with a quick apologize to her, he practically ran to his bike, wanting nothing more than to get away from there.

Y/n was inside the shop, face hidden in her hands when Pearl  re-entered, confusion written on her features. “What happened?” She asked, sounding almost alarmed, and only then did Y/n pick up her head to look at the older woman, tears streaming down her cheeks rapidly.

Pearl walked to her and placed the food she’d bought on the small table before placing both her hands on Y/n’s shoulder and that was all it took for the girl to hug her tightly, sobbing in her chest like a small child, afraid and hurt.

“Shh.. It’s okay dove.” She reassured, voice calm and sweet as she patted her back softly. If the other people inside the shop saw the entire scene unfold in front of them, they didn’t dare stare for too long, each minding their own business,  focused on different books on their hands.

“I think I messed up.” She said in between sobs, loud enough for Pearl to hear.

“What happened?”

“He asked me on a date and I rejected him.” She explained shortly, the older woman urging her to calm her breathing pattern, to stop the heavy sobs and crying. Eventually she did and wiped her face with the back of her hands, releasing her grip on Pearl and moving to sit on the chair next to hers.

“It’s okay.. Everything will be okay.” The woman kept repeating until it became some sort of a mantra to both of them.

It had been nearly a week since the day he’d asked her out and she said no, and ever since that day, he never came back to the bookstore again, never texted her or called her. Y/n could understand his reasoning. He had every right to cut her off, after the way she’d let him down without so much as an explanation. Not that she owed anyone any explanation for simply saying no, but this was Bucky she was talking about. He deserved anything she could give him and then some more. But she’d been scared, and honestly she still was. The emotional trauma she’d experienced from her parents relationship was still scarring her, but she wanted to put an end to it. She wanted to break free from that. She wanted to be able to love Bucky and have him love her in return and be happy with him. It could happen, couldn’t it?

She had tried to pull herself together and text him or call him and ask to see him again, but every time she picked up her phone to do so, she’d lose the nerve and throw it carelessly away.

After the long day she had, leaving her exhausted not only physically but also emotionally, she finally managed to wrap things up for the day, ready to close the shop and call it a day. Outside the rain was pouring down like crazy, it wasn’t even normal considering it was almost the end of spring and she was wondering how’d she get home in this weather without an umbrella. It wasn’t raining in the morning when she had left her apartment anyway.

She was placing the large notebook where she kept her records of the shop in the drawer under her desk, ready to take off when the too familiar ring of the bell was heard and without looking up, she answered in auto pilot, voice polite as always, but a hint of tiredness was evident in it. “Sorry, I’m closing up now. You could come back tomorrow.”

She picked her head up to look at the new presence in the shop and when her eyes met his figure her breath hitched behind her throat. Bucky. There he was, sopping wet, droplets of rain dripping from his hair and his clothes to the floor, making a puddle around him. He carefully pulled out a book from inside his jacket and walked towards Y/n, placing the book on her desk.

“I just came to return this. I’m gonna leave now.” His voice was thick with emotion, as if he was trying to hold back tears or something and Y/n couldn’t help but feel guilty for that. It’d been her fault that he seemed so sad, so… miserable.

Yeah, miserable she thought. Miserable people only make other miserable people. But as she saw him turn around to leave, just like he had the last time she’d seen him, she decided right then and there that she was done being a miserable person. She was done being scared, she was done closing her heart off, done running away from her feelings.

“Bucky…” it escaped her lips almost in a hurry, afraid if she lost another second he’d leave again, but he heard her and he turned around instantly, as if he had waited for her to call him. She walked around her desk and towards him, her steps slow but sure as she closed the distance between them both. He could only stare at her in disbelief as she neared him, too scared to move as if she’d disappear if he did anything uncalculated.

Without so much as another word, she placed both of her hands on his wet cheeks and hesitantly placed her lips on his. She kissed him sweetly, but she broke the contact way too soon, seeing he hadn’t returned the kiss at all.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I just…” She let go of his face, trying to take a step back but he didn’t let her, his hands finding her waist and keeping her still there. He kept looking at her, waiting for her to say something else, his hands squeezing her waist in a silent encouragement for her to speak again, so she did. “Ask me again, please?” Her voice was small as she said those words but Bucky didn’t miss it, a ghost of a smile creeping up his lips.

He waited a bit before parting his lips to form the words. “Will you go on a date with me?”

Her eyes fluttered closed and she couldn’t suppress the smile that bloomed on her own lips upon hearing his voice. “Yes Bucky, I would love to.” She replied sweetly with the words she should have said the first time he asked her.  His smile widened at her response and this time he was the one to lock their lips in a kiss, hesitant at first, then confident but always sweet and gentle.

As Bucky kissed her lips, she could feel her walls crumbling down with loud thuds and echoes inside her soul, but she could tell she was safe with him. She had a long way to go before she could be 100% free of every insecurity and past pain, but being in his arms, there was no doubt she’d ever be broken again.

[chaninfused]

Today, this mediocre blog turns one year old.

And it’s not much, but it’s something, for sure. I’m happy to be writing this, mainly because I didn’t expect to write it in the first place. Coming here, I had no aspirations for this blog. Write and post, that was my initial intent, but I’m glad to say I have found and created much more. As cliché as it sounds, I’ve learned and improved quite a lot, both as a person and a writer. Never in my life had I imagined myself writing y/n stories, yet here I am, and I’m content.

As much as I complain, I cannot deny that this place made this year bearable so far. Everyone, from my friends to my silent readers, made this experience fun, despite the various disappointments of 2020 (ahem, a ruined senior year). For that, I think it’s time to move to the important parts of this letter; all I have to say to you!

First, I must thank the friends that gave me something to look forward to each day. I am honored to have met you all, whom I have spoken to daily or spontaneously. Thank you for keeping up with my sucky person antics!

@luvhjs, I often wonder if we could’ve ever met if @skzwritersclub didn’t exist, or if you didn’t decide to join our fetus network, and I always conclude that it’s not something I want to think about. Simply because it’s horrifying. I might not express it properly, but our friendship is one I treasure beyond words. Thank you for panicking with me over silly things, listening to my nonsense rambles, and in all sincerity, being the best there is. A hundred ‘I love you’s randomly arriving in your inbox would never be enough, but I hope you know that I love you, and I wish you all the best, all the time ♡

@missinghan, I don’t know where to begin, and honestly, I don’t know where to stop either. I don’t regret screaming into your dms that day, although I’m deeply sorry for terrifying you (oops!). All jokes aside, I truly don’t know what I’ve done to deserve a friend like you. I’m grateful for each conversation we’ve had, even that one about maggot cheese or those depressing texts about our dying dashboards. I solemnly believe that I would’ve lost my mind during spring break had we not spent careless hours on Tumblr talking about anything that could possibly be talked about. I feel like I couldn’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me; for hearing my writing rants to handling my dramatics to just being there when I send a good morning text in all caps. You are incredible, it is not just a silly nickname. I love you, and I know affection is gross but I’m saying it again. I love you! ♡

@meiiyue, hey, remember when you told me you knew me from Wattpad? That was our first proper interaction, and I am so glad I had gotten to know you better after that. We often joke about it, but I love your love for all things murder. Please never let anyone’s opinions get in your way. You honestly have one of the most unique personalities I’ve ever known. I mean, where else would you find koalas and blood-chilling crime in one place? Thank you for being the cutest and most talented. I hope you know that you’re loved, and I love you, and it will always be that way ♡

@meanhly, oh, look, it’s my keyboard smashing partner! I’m glad you decided to panic about On track in my dms instead of my askbox. Thank you for birthing this beautiful friendship! Speaking of which, what friendship level are we at now, Selina? Okay, I’ll stop fooling around. Thank you for never failing to make me laugh, no thanks to your autocorrect for calling me fruit, though. I think one of the reasons I love the Songless Bird so much is, well, you! It was your excitement about the story that pushed me to explore the world more, to write more. I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for that. I love you, so much, and I cherish our friendship just as much ♡

@smileylino, our ‘02 line is only complete with you, Rain. Thank you for being the best panic partner (hehe) and the cutest Minho stan. Talking to you is always so much fun, even if we’re just discussing memes or soft scenarios. I don’t know how successfully your Minho detox is going, but I miss your random declarations of love for the one and only. I hope you know that you’re really talented, and I’ll always be here to cheer you on whenever. You deserve only the best this world can offer. I know you’ll do amazing, whatever it is you’ll be doing. I love you! ♡

@lixiefe, if anyone were to see our first interactions, they wouldn’t expect us to become good friends. Yet here we are, and I wouldn’t change that for the world! I love talking to you, even if it’s about the strangest of topics. Thank you for making me love my own work. You make it out to be something special, which it isn’t, but I appreciate that so much. Thank you for handling my self-deprecating statements with hilarious poop references, even though I am still adamantly against them (kidding!). You’re special, I hope you’d know that. I love you so much! ♡

@scriptura-delirus​, we might not interact a lot but whenever we do, it’s always so much fun. I truly admire your work and your way of thinking. Thank you for writing the best fantasy to be found in this fandom, and for all the support you’ve shown my mediocre stories. If this were a follow forever, know that your url would be among the first. I love you! ♡

@jeonginks​, can I consider you a friend? I hope I can. The entirety of my first interactions with you consisted of me embarrassing myself, from that useless blurb to all that panicking. Thank you for not blocking me yet... I am very sure that without SWC, I wouldn’t have ever talked to you. And while I might not panic anymore, you are still someone I genuinely look up to when it comes to writing. I wish you’d know that you’re an inspiration, for me and many writers out there. Also, you can send me as many Liam memes as you want, I’ve become immune to them (phew). I presume this is called affection, but I love you! ♡

@scxrlettwxtches​, writing or not, you’re a dear friend of mine. I’m terrible at expressing things, but I’m glad we started talking. Thank you for listening to all the unnecessary writing things I say. I love your work, even though I don’t say it enough. You might not know but your enthusiasm motivates me to write; all the random questions and spoiler requests. I’m sorry for [redacted] in ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat’. I hope I’ve been able to make up for that through the blurbs! All in all, I wish you all the best in everything you do, and I love you! ♡

@f3lixlvr​, you are the first person I have properly spoken to in his hellhole. I remember our first conversations and just how much joy they brought me, even though I was hiding behind an anonymous profile. Thank you for being the most amazing and making late 2019 fun and exciting. I love you! ♡

@wingkkun​, we only began directly interacting recently, but we’ve talked before. Your writing is great, beyond that, even. I’ll raid your masterlist one day, just you wait! You seem like a complete sweetheart, and I hope we can talk more in the future. Thank you for all the lovely tags you had left on my stories, I love you! ♡

@ammuqwer​, you are a friend I didn’t expect to make, but one I wouldn’t want to lose for anything. Talking to you brightens my day, and I can only wish I can offer just as much happiness in yours. You’re amazing, really. If you ever have a hard time, please know that you can always find me. I love you! ♡

@p2q3r4​, I often scroll through your blog and I have to say, you’re crazy talented. Your drawings are stunning! Thank you for all the comments you’ve left on my writings, I appreciate every single one of them. You’re also a complete sweetheart, have I ever told you that? And I love your love for languages, it never was annoying. Never stop being amazing, I love you! ♡

🌷 anon, I might not know who you might be, but you’re a friend I cherish so much, Tulip. I love talking to you, and I say that a lot, but hearing from you is always so lovely. Thank you for all the asks you’ve ever sent, those with tmi to those with Splatoon talk. I hope you know that I’ll always be there for you, whenever, wherever. I love you so much! ♡

Caeliman Minho anon, last but definitely not least. I’m afraid this short letter wouldn’t do you justice, but I hope you’d know that you mean a lot to me. Thank you for all the support you’ve shown my work, all the inspiration you’ve given me, and all the thoughts you’ve generously shared. I love hearing what you have to say, and I love you! Thank you for everything ♡

Second, to all my readers, those who always reblog, those who leave a trail of hearts behind, and even those who just pass by, thank you for giving my writings a chance. I am continuously motivated to write more and write better for you. I’m nowhere near that, but I’m slowly making my way up there. Thank you for being the best audience ♡

Finally, to you reading this, thank you for reaching this far. It has only been a year, and I hope I can continue to contribute to this fandom for much longer than that.

Today, a story was meant to be posted. Due to my poor management skills (yikes!), I will instead be posting the world-information edit for ‘Danse Macabre’. Please look forward to it!

That is all. Thank you for making these 365 days on this blog special, and here’s to many more! I love you all! ♡

[purplesurveys]

1278

Social Media Survey

[joybucket]

What is your favorite social media site?  Either Twitter or YouTube, though I never use YouTube as a social media site per se so I guess this round goes to Twitter.

Do you use...

facebook? myspace? twitter? snapchat? instagram? youtube? pinterest? bzoink? another site with message boards? tumblr? deviantart? xanga?

Facebook

Do you get on Facebook every day?  Yeah pretty much all throughout the day. I used to never use it, like never ever; but back in college all announcements were coursed through Facebook so I was technically required to be on it regularly, and it was from there that I began to see memes and start to be more active. I’m a shitposter more than anything though and I rarely ever post stuff of my own. How many FB friends do you have?  I have 679 at the moment but I want to get rid of like 500 of them; it’s just such a long list to go through so I never get to proceed with my unfriending spree lol.

Have you ever been on a deleting spree?  HAHA I just mentioned that. I’ve always wanted to, but like I said 679 is already such an exhaustive list for me, and that’s considering I only started touching my Facebook in like 2019. I can’t imagine people who started Facebook in like 2009 and have 4000 friends aka most people I know.

Have you blocked a lot of haters?  I don’t have haters; at least I’m not aware of any that I have. Not that it’s something I care about at this point.

Do you get bullied online a lot?  No, but that’s also because I don’t really open the channels for people to send in hate. I don’t have Q&A handles like Curious Cat and I never pick out that option in Instagram where people can send in questions.

What's your favorite Facebook app?  Oh I never use Facebook for their apps. Are those still even a thing...? Anyway, I mainly go there to be on the hunt for stupid memes I can reshare or to watch videos that are either funny or informative.

Are you a fan of selfies?  I don’t mind if other people do it, but I think I’m honestly bad at selfies so I almost never take them. I’ve never figured out my angles or what filters look ok on me.

Has anyone ever called the police on you because they didn't like your status?  No but I have had my posts reported because they were deemed ‘offensive.’ Which is weird because my posts that have been taken down are those that speak out against disgusting men, which says a lot about Facebook runs their shit more than anything else.

Are you in any facebook groups?  I’m in nearly a hundred groups, both private i.e. for school purposes, and public.

Are you the admin of any groups?  Nah. Too much time and effort needed out of me.

Do you report abuse to group admins whenever you see it?  Yes. I report the post then leave the group.

What could make Facebook better?  They could put more effort into detecting and banning troll farms.

What year did you start using Facebook?  I made an account in 2012 because of a high school class that required us to upload this specific video-format homework onto Facebook (which in hindsight is such an insensitive homework considering that was nearly a decade ago when the Philippines was still severely behind in internet connection speeds?? Ugh). But I didn’t start actively using my account until around two years ago.

What is your current profile picture of?  Myself, posing in front of the sunflowers in school during the recent graduation season.

Did you like the old Myspace better than Facebook?  I was never a regular user of Myspace, so...

Pinterest

What are some of your favorite boards?  I’ve never had a clue what the purpose of Pinterest was. I mean I have an account...but I’ve also never gotten the hang of it?? so I never touch it hahaha.

Have you ever done a craft you saw on Pinterest?  Well no, because I’m terrible at arts and crafts anyway.

Do you have a Dream Wedding board? If so, what's on it?  No.

If you have a Dream House board, what does your dream house look like?  Ok fine this one I did start hahahah but I don’t even remember what I added on there anymore. I’m sure it was filled with modern-style houses with minimalist interior design.

Do you wish they'd bring the "like" button back?  I’m not even aware of this option.

Do you have a Bucket List board?  Not aware of this either.

Which do you like better: Just Girly Things or And That's Who I Am? The second one sounds less childish. < Same, and it sounds like it covers more.

Do you have a board for tattoos you like? If so, what are some of your faves?  No. The only one I ever made was the house one, then Pinterest quickly became boring from there when I realized there wasn’t much else I could do besides making mood boards.

Do you have a "Random" or "Miscellaneous" board?  No.

Have you ever reached the maximum number of boards?  No.

Do you have any secret boards?  No.

Have you ever had a Pin deleted because of copyright laws?  No.

Do you have a Color board? No.

Do you have an About Me board? If so, what's on it? No.

YouTube

Do you have a YouTube channel? If so, what is it?  Technically I do but I only have it so I can tailor video suggestions to my interests and so that I can like videos and subscribe to channels I like.

What kind of things do you post on YouTube?  I’ve never posted any video on there, not even private ones. I’m also not the type to comment.

What do you like to watch on YouTube?  These days YouTube serves as a stress reliever for me, which is to say I would typically go for humorous BTS-related compilations because there are sooooo many hilarious channels that make these great videos haha. Occasionally I’d go back to channels or series that I used to frequent, like Good Mythical Morning, Buzzfeed’s Worth It and Unsolved, Try Guys, Watcher, etc. 

Are you subscribed to any channels?  To so many.

Do you watch any vlogs? If so, what ones are your favorite?  Hm probably Jiwoo’s, though her channel is called Mejiwoo. I find her content calming and conversational and basically fun to binge-watch when I’m not looking for anything super super particular to watch.

If you have a channel, how many subscribers do you have?  0. I’m just a lurker.

Will you subscribe to my channel? (msg me if you want a link!)  Only if it’s really fit to my interests, I guess.

Do you watch music videos?  Rarely; not a fan of MVs in particular. I only really ever put an exception for BTS.

Have you ever watched a TV show on youtube?  Well no since their copyright team works hard and works fast lol. I do watch entire video game walkthroughs from time to time.

Have you ever worked out to exercise videos on youtube?  No, I can’t care less about working out tbh.

Have you watched Amanda Todd's famous video?  No. I’m scared that it might be too upsetting or triggering for me.

Have you ever looked up how to do something on YouTube?  Not really, I prefer looking up articles that can teach me step by step in words.

Do you get a lot of hate comments on youtube?  No, I’ve never posted anything on there.

How long have you been a youtuber?  Never been.

Instagram

Do you post on Instagram a lot?  I do 1-3 Instagram stories in a week, I would say. As for posts, I only have 4 in total and I don’t really feel the pressure to add more. I just post when I feel the want to.

Have you ever posted a poll on instagram?  Nah, I’m not too sure if anyone would participate so I’ve never tried. If you don't have an iPhone, do you wish you could use Instagram?  I’m pretty sure other operating systems can also use Instagram...

Do you have any followers?  Around 50, I think.

Do you like Instagram filters? I’ll use them sometimes to make my stories appear prettier.

Twitter

Do you think twitter is stupid? Hehe show me at least one person who doesn’t think so. < Coming from someone who regularly uses Twitter, agree. It is crazy stupid but stupid is what I’m there for. Which is honestly not always such a bad thing to me - I like that people are more themselves, more stripped-down, vulnerable on Twitter. People always seem to want to show off their best selves on Facebook and Instagram, so I’m actually kind of grateful that there is at least one social media out there where people can just be their clumsy, goofy selves.

How often do you tweet?  Probably a maximum of five a day. Nowadays I’m on there mostly to just scroll through my timelines.

Do you get on twitter every day?  Yes, both on my personal and fan account.

Bzoink

Do you make a lot of surveys?  I never make them but I try to take them as often as I can.

Do you take a lot of surveys?  Haha sorry, was one step ahead of you. Yeah, I do.

Do you post in the message boards?  Nah. I dunno if I’m even permitted to check the message boards on Bzoink considering I don’t have an account.

What types of surveys are your favorite?  Categorized surveys like this one or countdown ones can be fun, but at the end of the day I like sticking to the classic random survey.

Do you have friends on here?  Not on Bzoink, but here on Tumblr yes! There’s a number of people here I like keeping up with :)

Do you post all your secrets on here?  Again, not on Bzoink; but yep I share pretty much everything here.

What type of survey do you think I should make next?  Anything but basic/about me-themed ones that will ask for my name and eye color and weight.

Do you read peoples' answers to your surveys?  I’ve never made a survey.

Do you think you are good at making surveys? 

Do you try to make unique surveys?

What type of surveys do you want to see more of?

Random

This or That

Scattergories

Have You Ever

Are you like me?

About You

Personal, Deep Questions

Girly

Music shuffle

Would You Rather

Do you have this in your bedroom?

Long

Short

All About Your Crush

Fashion

Make-up

School

Music

Your health

Your friends

Confessions

Girl Confessions - how different is this from just confessions? Hahaha

R-Rated

Controversial topics

Myspace

Did you have a myspace when you were in high school?  I started an account in like 4th grade when Myspace was ~big, but I didn’t find it fun and everyone my age was on Friendster anyway, so I was largely inactive.

Do you use myspace now?  No. Is it still even around? I have no clue.

Do you miss bulletins? I didn’t get to join in on the fun so there’s nothing to miss.

Did you like customizing your profile with the old myspace?  Not attributed to Myspace but I did have a lot of fun customizing my Multiply and Tumblr accounts back in the day. That was a period where I really got to learn and play around with HTML :)

Did you have music on your profile?  Not on Myspace again but I did on Multiply! I had a cute little playlist that played the songs immediately as soon as you landed on my page hahaha.

Did you learn HTML when you used Myspace?  Tumblr, yeah. I believe the skills are still there but I’ll definitely be a bit rusty.

Did you have a customized cursor?  Oh, no. Wasn’t a fan of those as I found them a bit tacky.

Did you use glitter graphics?  Also found those tacky haha no, I never used those.

Do you remember posting glitter graphics on friends' pages?  Nope.

Did you make "dolls"?  I don’t recall ever making those.

Did you use photo captions?  Not sure what this is referring to so let’s just say no.

Did you have a photo slideshow on your profile?  Hmmm nope, I don’t think so.

Xanga

Did you have a Xanga account back in the day?  No. It wasn’t big here so I had never heard of it until I started taking surveys on here and heard people mentioning Xanga, actually.

Do you have a xanga account now?  No.

Did you post photos and quotes on your xanga page?  I never had any.

Snapchat

Do you use snapchat?  I did; I was superrrrr active on there for a time. It kind of just got old at one point, though, and my feed got more and more dead until I too just left my account dormant altogether.

What is your favorite filter?  There were a lot of cute ones on there that helped me be more confident with taking selfies but my favorites have to be the dog and flower crown ones.

Tumblr

Do you understand Tumblr?  I had a better handle of it when I ran a fan account that required me to be more active; but now that I really just go on here to take surveys I just use the basic functions and nothing more. But yeah, I understand just enough to get by.

Do you use Tumblr?  Yeah. Even on the days I don’t post surveys, I regularly go on here to keep up with friends I like keeping up with like Elisabeth, Lane, Steph, Lina, Julie :)

Other

What forum sites did you use to love that aren't around anymore?  There was one message board I frequented for this girly/tween magazine I used to collect, but I won’t share the name.

Are there any other great social media sites that you recommend?  I think this survey was able to cover all the main ones I use.

Do you use a photo editing site? If so, what?  I use apps instead of sites to edit my photos.

Do you ever use BeFunky.com?  Nope.

Do you use a video editing site? If so, what?  Nah, I rarely have to edit videos in a super intricate, detailed way. Apple’s video editing features suffice for me.

Have you ever downloaded fonts?  Very occasionally since it’s never necessary.

Have you ever used photobucket to upload an image?  No but I remember going on there back in the day to look for images. I never uploaded any, though.

Do you use iTunes?  Not anymore. I have an account on Spotify now.

Do you listen to music on Pandora?  No, never used it.

[ears-awake-eyes-opened]

Now or never

(Hayffie ff ❤️. I initially shied away from this prompt because I didn’t think I could write it in a way that felt interesting. But I ended up having a great time with it, so much fun that this became one of my longest one-shots. — I make no apologies for the length of my posts in the feed or in the tags. I don’t apologize for any aspect of my free expression. For personal reasons, I write on my phone using the tumblr app, and the limitations are what they are. Like the limitations of my disabled body are what they are. For prompts, I reblog the prompt along with the link to my fic in case anyone wishes to reblog something shorter. — I write for myself, for my love of the characters and the process. When people comment on, like, or reblog my posts, I view those interactions as unexpected gifts. I have such love for writing that I’d do it old-school like Anne Frank, without any audience beyond my journal itself. This blog has been that for me for over 5 years, my space for coming of age and processing intensities in a strained and oppressive midlife. — I’m inspired now by prompts much more than I have been in past fanfiction efforts. So, thank you to everyone who offers them. And when people are willing to slog through my long fics and other posts, that is fabulous devotion to the characters/issues that are important to me, and I feel good to know I’m not caring alone. — 💛 Kim)

***

His facial hair was rough against her lips. The sensation triggered fantasy which played out more readily if she didn’t have to look at him. So she kissed him with her eyes closed whenever they fucked around. He was the same height as Haymitch. When she wore 5-inch heels, those added to the feeling of intimacy. It wasn’t entirely real, but it felt better than loneliness.

Their relationship was discrete, of course. Mutual discretion was a condition she established before getting involved with anyone, especially someone as high-profile as Seneca Crane.

As far as Capitol society was concerned, their connection was primarily professional, with occasional dinners at expensive restaurants. It was an image they’d been comfortable projecting, and it wasn’t far from the truth.

In moments that weren’t overly physical, she enjoyed his eyes. Blueish-grey with a streak of emotion, they were familiar enough to help her pretend. That’s why she’d first invited Seneca up to her apartment in the fall — to have sex with Haymitch in fantasy.

The sex was good enough. He was gifted with his hands, though he smelled too much like her. She wondered if he wore the same cologne as she did. And his body frame was smaller than the one she actually wanted intimacy with. By November, they’d become a regular *good enough* thing.

A dozen years earlier, they’d been schoolmates at the Academy. He graduated two years before her. She was softer then but already a force to reckon with. He was shorter in those days, sharp, obsessed with tech design. Ambition was an attribute they shared, perhaps the only one.

By 30, he’d become one of the youngest Head Gamemakers in history. He enjoyed the rush of adrenaline he experienced when executing the Games, and he relished the opportunity for artistry. The thrill and beauty he saw in death made Effie uncomfortable, but she viewed it as part of the job. He carried out the president’s wishes, though he confided in her that he didn’t fully agree with the way Snow ruled Panem.

On an evening in late December, they walked along a garden path covered in trellises draped with strands of fairy lights. Effie kept her hands warm in her pockets. It had been a long day, and she was ready to be home in bed, asleep, alone.

“What do you think about marriage?” he asked. The question was slightly more inspiring than if he’d asked her what she thought about the weather.

“I haven’t given it much thought,” she answered honestly, leaving out her occasional ludicrous fantasies about having babies with tiny purple wigs and predispositions for alcoholism.

“A union could be advantageous for both our careers. The publicity could improve your chances of promotion to escort for an inlying district.”

“And what do you stand to gain from a *union*?”

“You’re iconic, Effie. You represent the Capitol with style and positivity, and you execute your work flawlessly. You’re in good favor with the president. You could be a wonderful ally for me,” You could be a buffer for me, he didn’t say.

“Is there anything more?”

“Like what?”

“Really, Seneca, is THIS how you’re proposing??”

“Well, our families would support us. And there’s the matter of sentiment.”

“Sentiment?”

“I like you. I care for you, of course.”

She thought of Haymitch’s words from last summer, the night they almost... but didn’t.

‘I like you too much,’ he’d said, ‘I can’t fuck around with you and pretend it’s nothing. And that’s how it would have to be. That’s the only way it could be.”

Venia and Octavia insisted Haymitch loved her, but she believed that was still a pipe dream. She could keep waiting in vain, or she could choose a more sensible path.

“And there’s this...” From his coat pocket, Seneca pulled a black velvet box and flipped it open. Effie’s jaw dropped. The diamond was huge. It was far and away the loveliest ring she’d seen. She looked in those blueish-grey eyes that reminded her a bit of everything she wanted that wasn’t accessible to her.

Seneca pressed, “Say yes, and the wedding can be one of the biggest events of the year, rivaling even the Games.”

She imagined what her dress would look like. He was saying the right words to tempt her. They didn’t love each other, but maybe she could look past that inconvenient reality. Sometimes people married for other reasons.

“The press would go crazy,” he continued, “There would be red carpet interviews. We could invite everyone who’s anyone: stylists, victors, even Snow.”

Victors... Would he show up to watch me get married? 6 months ago, Haymitch had asked her what she wanted. He’d unzipped her dress and touched her body. He’d taken off his shirt and shown her his scars. Then he effectively told her a relationship between them was never going to happen, and he held her hand as she fell asleep.

Damn him.

She took her left hand out of her pocket. “Let’s see how it fits.”

Seneca had investigated her ring size, so the fit was perfect.

“Let’s show him,” she said.

“Show who?”

“Them. Let’s show them all.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes. Let’s get married. ...This spring.” She could plan a wedding in 5 months, no problem. Isn’t this the time couples usually cry and leap into one another’s arms? Shouldn’t this occasion call for a show of passion?

“This spring it shall be then.” When Seneca kissed her, she closed her eyes and embraced the same fantasy as usual.

***

Haymitch rarely received mail beyond his compensatory income from the government. In March, when the post delivered an envelope addressed to him in gold ink, he almost tossed the thing straight into the trash, recognizing it as an invitation to a Capitol party. Then he saw the name “Trinket” and the return address of Effie’s family home.

What’s this? He opened it right there on the porch with uneasiness gnawing at his stomach.

“You are cordially invited to celebrate the marriage of

Euphemia Rosalind Trinket -and-

Seneca Lucius Crane

Saturday, the first of May

At 3 O’Clock in the afternoon

Palazzo Annaeus”

What the hell is THIS! His stomach churned, and he vomited up a pint of white liquor on the ground beside the porch.

Memories flooded in... tracing up the seams of her stockings, unhooking her garters, feeling her body without a corset, running his fingers through her hair as she curled up in bed, so soft. So damn soft. Fear had screamed warnings about getting attached to her. Fear was always screaming.

When those Games were done, he’d left the Capitol with a strained sadness between them, like a rubber band stretched too long. Today it snapped and smacked him in the face. He felt the sting of annoyance and regret.

Damn her.

He couldn’t fix this. The only thing left to do was decide whether or not he was willing to watch it happen. He would have burned the invitation in the fireplace if not for the P.S. in her obnoxiously perfect handwriting.

***

Seneca had been right about one thing. Effie’s parents were thrilled that she’d decided to marry one of *the Crane boys,* especially the Head Gamemaker. Historically the Cranes had been part of the old guard of the wealthy from the Capitol, and they’d successfully diversified their financial interests in the years following the Dark Days.

Her parents spared no expense for *the wedding of the decade.* Effie spent the winter so caught up in the comfort of validation and the thrill of event planning that most of the time she evaded the sense of dread that nagged her when she startled awake in the mornings.

When she’d addressed the invitations, she considered adding a postscript to Haymitch’s, either “Fuck you” or “I love you.” Both feelings were nonsensical and nonetheless true. In the end she’d written,

“H — Please come. — E”

She checked the mail each day for his response card among hundreds, but it never showed up. Figures. He probably threw it away.

She didn’t need anyone to *rescue* her from the fate she’d chosen. If she wanted to call off the wedding, she’d simply come up with a logical explanation to save face; she’d apologize to Seneca and her parents; she’d put a stop to all plans, and that would be that.

The phrase “Mayday mayday mayday” was a distress signal used by Capitol troops during the Dark Days. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d subconsciously scheduled her wedding on the first of May because, apart from the fine details, opulence, and attention, her heart wasn’t in this.

***

“We’re here at Pallazo Annaeus,” Claudius reported from the red carpet which had been rolled out along the walkway to the galleria of the Crane family mansion. “Just a short time from now, fashion icon and District 12 escort, Effie Trinket, will wed two-time Head Gamemaker, Seneca Crane.”

“Isn’t this exciting!!” Caesar was in typical form. “The air is positively electric!”

“So much so that my hair is standing on end!”

“As is mine!! Thank goodness for hair products.”

“And wigs! We’re seeing all of the ABOVE as the guests arrive. What a crowd!”

Their interviews with attendees were concise, asking which stylists designed their gowns and suits, and if they had particular wishes to share with the couple.

“Now here comes... Is that?... It is! Haymitch Abernathy, victor of the second Quarter Quell.”

“How touching. One advisor for District 12 supporting the other on her special day.”

“I LOVE it!! Haymitch, do you have any words for the happy couple?”

Haymitch stomped past them without pause. He hadn’t entirely sobered up from the bottle of whiskey he drank on the train, and he didn’t even try to resist flipping Caesar off when asked the question.

“A man of few words,” Claudius covered for a shocked Caesar. “We never know what to expect from that one.”

“He certainly does keep us on our toes.”

“Well, it’s a good thing we have stylish shoes!”

“Indeed!” Each of them spun around on tiptoe, and the cameras zoomed in on their footwear as a distraction from Haymitch’s persistent middle finger.

Just beyond the entryway, the galleria was packed already. Guests were dressed in yards of fabric and large hats. Floral arrangements lined marble walls covered with paintings, some of which were probably older than Panem itself. Haymitch slipped into the first empty chair he spotted, ignoring the usher who asked him, “Are you here for the bride or the groom?”

The question pestered. The bride. Shit. I’m here for the bride.

***

With every detail attended to, Effie curled her fingers around her father’s arm in the vestibule. Flower girls and bridesmaids entered the galleria first, then it would be her turn.

“My princess is getting married in a palace.” Her father kissed her cheek.

“Daddy! Careful of my makeup. Photos aren’t being taken until afterward.”

“Of course. It’s YOUR perfect day.”

Effie had certainly made everything perfect, except for this unrelenting nausea and desire to run away. She forced herself to breathe slowly. The last thing she needed right now was to throw up, ruin her white gown, and have the press start a false rumor about pregnancy. She had no desire to have children with Seneca. She’d made that clear, and he agreed.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?”

Her father calling her “sweetheart” made every discomfort worse. Clearly she thought of Haymitch.

“I’m trying to be alright... but I don’t know,” she confessed.

Her father wasn’t sure what to say. “It’s almost time to walk down the aisle. Is that what you want to do?”

He asked it like she had a choice, but it was too late for choices.

“Let’s go pay the piper!” As Effie started down the aisle on her father’s arm, she didn’t notice the splendor and fullness of the room, nor the oohs and aahs from standing friends and family. She didn’t notice the rose petals on the floor, nor her fiancé sweating like a pig about to be roasted alive with an apple in its mouth.

All she saw was Haymitch.

He stood at the edge of the aisle, in the middle of the room. In the years that she’d known him, he’d been clear about his disdain for Capitol events, yet here he was, no RSVP and very much himself in his regular clothes from District 12. She’d probably be irritated if she hadn’t missed him so much. He was standing right here, and she was still missing him. It took every ounce of restraint to not tell him so.

“Great dress, sweetheart.” He offered a subdued smile as she passed.

She looked back at him once, and her eyes felt like old glass, holding tears too hardened to fall. Then there was nothing to do but look forward.

***

Fear was screaming different words now at Haymitch. Stop this. This wedding. Stop this!

As she walked away from him, he could see that her dress had an open back from her waist to the top of her shoulder blades. The gap was bordered in ornate jewels, stitching, and fancy shit. But he couldn’t take his eyes off her skin, and he couldn’t stop thinking about touching her.

She glanced at him again as she handed her bouquet to a bridesmaid. Her eyes were pleading. He knew the look because of all the times he’d tried to ignore her feelings for him ...and his feelings for her.

The officiant addressed the audience, “We are gathered here today to join Effie and Seneca in matrimony. Family, friends, and honored guests, do you support this union and affirm that these two should be married today?”

Haymitch looked around as the audience responded in unison, "We do."

I don’t.

The officiant continued, “Will you surround this couple in love, offering them the joys of your friendship? Will you support this couple in their relationship? At times of conflict will you offer them the strength of your wisest counsel and the comfort of your thoughtful concern? At times of joy, will you celebrate with them, nourishing their love for one another?”

The automatons responded together again, "We will.”

Like hell I will.

“If any of you has a reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Haymitch sighed and shook his head. Someday he’d be the death of her, or she’d be the death of him. Maybe today was that day.

This felt like now or never. The bit of whiskey still in his veins helped it be now. He stood up and moved quickly down the aisle to the sound of gasps and murmurs all around him.

***

“What are you doing?” Effie was stunned as he gripped her wrist.

“Excuse us,” Haymitch said directly to Seneca, then he pulled Effie out of the room down a long hallway.

She went willingly, chastising him in hushed tones along the way. “Haymitch! This is highly inappropriate!”

“More inappropriate than us having this conversation in front of the entire Capitol?”

“What conversation?”

He pulled her into a room down the hall.

“Not so tight!”

He loosened his grasp on her wrist but didn’t let go.

“What are you doing, Effie?”

“Do I need to state the obvious?”

“Marriage?? Why are you even WITH him?”

“I don’t owe you explanations — or anything else for that matter.”

She was right. She owed him nothing. His edge softened, and he stroked her wrist with his thumb. “Why are you marrying somebody you didn’t even look at as you walked down that aisle?”

“I LOOKED at him.”

“For about five seconds, and what did you see?”

She hesitated, “He’s wearing a tie, not an ascot. We had a dispute about it this week, and I insisted he wear the tie.”

“That’s what you’re thinking about on your wedding day when you see the man you’re about to marry — a goddamn tie?”

“Why are YOU giving ME the third degree! What are YOU thinking about on my wedding day?”

“I’m thinking about how much I hate Seneca Crane. I don’t want him marrying you. I don’t want you fucking him.”

“Well, that ship sailed! We’ve been having sex for months, not that it’s any of your business!”

“Not my business?”

“Absolutely not!”

He was burning with a mix of emotions: anger, jealousy, frustration, confusion, desire, fear. “If it’s not my business, then why did you ask me to ‘please come’ today? What am I doing here? ...If it’s not my business, then why did reading your wedding invitation make me puke. Why can’t I stop thinking about you? ...If it’s not my business, then why do I want to be the one to take this dress off you. I keep holding your wrist because if I let go, I’m gonna touch you, and what would your *fiancé* think about that? What would YOU think about that?”

He’d never confessed so much to her all at once, and she was in a mild state of shock about it. “Last summer you told me if we ‘fucked around’ then you’d have to pretend it means nothing. You told me you can’t pretend that, so where does that leave us?”

“I don’t know, honey.”

“I think you do. ...Let go of my wrist.”

“I told you what’s gonna happen if I let go.”

“Then let it happen.”

In a duality of reluctance and eagerness, he let go of her wrist and caressed her through the open back of her dress. She shivered and leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around her, touching every inch of skin he could reach.

The wig she wore resembled her actual hair color, light golden, like wheat before harvest. In this moment, she was an angel. He’d kiss her if she’d just shut up, but she had things to say too.

“If it’s not your business, then why am I still here with you instead of out there marrying Seneca?” Her tone softened. “Why do I close my eyes and picture you every time I kiss him and every time we have sex? ....If it’s not your business, then why do I miss you so much?”

“Jesus, Effie. What are you doing to me?”

“I don’t know, honey.”

“I think you do.”

***

From the doorway, Seneca cleared his throat. He’d been listening awhile. Effie tried to pull away from Haymitch, but first he had to untangle himself from the back of her dress.

“This isn’t quite what it looks like,” Effie laughed nervously.

“It looks like unfinished business,” Seneca said.

“Then it IS what it looks like,” Haymitch told him.

“Will you please excuse us?” Seneca asked, proper as fuck. “Effie and I have some things to discuss.”

“I’m not leaving.” Fear and desire for her wouldn’t budge.

“I’ll handle this,” she insisted. “Please wait in the hall.”

This was the Gamemaker’s house, his wedding, and his girl for god sake. What else could Haymitch do? Pull out his knife and slit the guy’s throat?? This was Effie’s world, not his. Without another word, he stepped out of the room, and he hated that she closed the door behind him.

Seneca confronted her, “I’ll say this quickly because our guests have already waited long enough. A marriage of convenience is prudent when the motivations for such a union are stronger than the desire for love. I’ve realized that’s not the case here. For me, and apparently not for you either.”

“Are you in love with someone else?”

“Someone my family regards as unsuitable. I’m sorry I didn’t speak about it sooner. I was afraid you wouldn’t understand.” He glanced at the door, “But I see that you do. Frankly, this interruption is an enormous relief.”

Effie was slightly miffed to realize that Seneca would not be pining for her, but the interruption did lift her feeling of dread. “I apologize as well. I haven’t been forthcoming with you, or with myself. What do we do now? The Capitol is expecting a wedding.”

“The Capitol is expecting a show, and they’re getting that. Let’s walk out there together and announce that we’ve decided to cancel the nuptials and move straight to the reception. It can still be the party of the year.”

“But my parents...”

“I’ll reimburse your father for his investment in this. It’s the right thing to do. I do care for you, Effie, but I should never have discussed marriage as a hypothetical, let alone proposed and let it get this far.”

He held out his hand. “Shall we? Before any more time passes.”

She threaded her fingers with his in solidarity.

When the door opened, Haymitch was still there in the hall, fuming now at the sight of them holding hands.

“Seneca, give me another minute,” she said.

He let go of her and took several steps away.

She touched Haymitch’s arm and spoke into his ear, “The wedding is off. But we need time to appease our families and everyone else. Meet me at 9 o’clock at The Popina on 6th St. Do you know the place?”

He’d never been there, but it was a good call. He doubted the press would look for him at a swanky wine bar. “I know the one.”

She whispered, “I said I don’t owe you anything, and you don’t owe me anything either. Regardless, this feeling between us isn’t going away.”

Seneca told him, “Keep following this hallway as it bends to the right. You’ll eventually reach a side door you can take out of here if you want...”

Haymitch didn’t trust him and didn’t want to leave.

“...Unless you’d prefer a walk back down the red carpet with the other guests.”

I don’t.

Effie urged him to go. “I need to set this right. Please don’t make this harder for me than it already is.”

“I don’t wanna run out in the middle of a pile of shit.”

“Language! This wedding is not a pile of anything. It’s an event we need to finish differently than expected. Will you trust me?”

“Fine.” He answered without conviction, turning away so he wouldn’t have to watch them link hands again. Holding the handle of the knife in his pocket, he followed the hallway to the side door and left all that nonsense behind him. Did he trust her?? If she walked into that bar tonight without a rock on her finger, then maybe he just might.

***

Afterward, the red carpet commentary indeed made for a more interesting show.

“The only thing more exciting than a wedding,” said Caesar, “Is a kiss at the altar between the bride and groom after they’ve CALLED OFF the ceremony!”

“You may now kiss the woman in white who is no longer your bride!”

“Oh, Claudius, you’re so cheeky!”

“I can honestly say I’ve never seen a couple more happy to be NOT married.”

“Did somebody bring the sun INSIDE the palace? Because they were positively glowing.”

“The reception is still on, and did you hear their words about it?”

“Caesar, I was on the edge of my seat, and I couldn’t miss them, but say them again.”

“Seneca began, ‘May 1st, May Day, is not just one of folktales. Mayday was a cry of distress during war, terrible war. The Capitol responded and transformed that distress into peace.’

“Then...”

“Then Effie continued, ‘Instead of celebrating a wedding, we’ve decided to transform the reception we’d planned into a festival honoring the glory of the Capitol. Panem today, Panem tomorrow, Panem forever.’”

“Don’t you just love that?”

“I DO! I absolutely do!”

“Well, that’s the only ‘I do’ that we’ll be hearing this afternoon!”

Hysterical laughter ensued between the two.

“Claudius, the question on everyone’s mind revolves around the influence of a certain mentor from District 12.”

“Yes. Haymitch Abernathy interrupted the ceremony.”

“He pulled Effie away, and Seneca followed. When the couple returned hand-in-hand, they called off the wedding. The mystery is, what happened in between?”

“As you said earlier, we never know what to expect from Haymitch. That one is a wildcard.”

“We’ve been waiting for him to emerge from the palace so we can ask him, but as we noted before, he is a man of few words.”

“Maybe we’ll catch him at the reception.”

“The festival!”

“The festival, of course!”

***

By 10 o’clock, Haymitch had read the sign on the wall a hundred times. “Hedone says, ‘You can drink here for one; if you give two, you will drink better; if you give four, you will drink Falernian.”

‘Hedone’ he recognized as the Roman goddess of pleasure. He thought pleasure would be a fine devotion if it wasn’t pursued at the cost of other people’s lives or pursued to chase away demons. He was already chasing one bottle of Falernian with another. “Damn Capitol wine doesn’t get you drunk unless you chug two bottles. And this is the best they’ve got?”

He’d been there a couple of hours. During that time, his attention was divided between that sign reflecting on hedonism and the screen showing footage of Effie’s non-wedding reception.

They were *saving face* alright. Haymitch had rarely seen Effie kiss anyone, and tonight he’d watched her kiss her *former* fiancé every time someone clinked a glass. The kisses were pecks mostly, a game they were probably playing to host a fun party and show the Capitol there were no hard feelings between them. But as the kisses added up, Haymitch’s dislike for Seneca Crane became more palpable.

“Slide a bit,” she said, showing up beside him. She was hiding in a simple dress and a light layer of makeup. Her hair was pulled back beneath a scarf instead of a wig.

He scooted over, making room for her at his booth in back. “You’re late, sweetheart. Did Crane kiss all that makeup off your face?”

“And you’re drunk.” She caressed the back of his neck, content to be with him right now, drunk or not.

“Wasn’t drunk an hour ago after the first bottle of this Falernian shit. But the more you drink, the better it tastes.”

She drank from his glass, and he didn’t object. From his perspective right now, she could drink straight from his mouth or off his body.

He encircled her waist, pulling her as close as the setting allowed. He was relieved to see that she wasn’t married. His inhibitions were reduced, so she could do just about anything to him right now, and he wouldn’t object. He tried not to think about her having that kind of power.

She stroked his arm wrapped around her. “There’s a rumor circulating about you.”

“Oh yeah? What is it?” He kissed her neck after each question. “Do they think I’m fucking you?”

She giggled because the hair on his face tickled her skin and because she was anticipating his response. “Not quite, honey.”

“What then?”

“They think you’re fucking Seneca.”

“What the hell?!!”

“Caesar and Claudius predicted ‘the mentor from District 12 is having a torrid affair with the Head Gamemaker,’ and you pulled me away from the wedding in the hopes of taking my place at the altar.”

“They’re lunatics.”

“It’s a risky move breaking up a wedding. Who knows what people will say.”

“What do YOU say?”

“I say you look at my breasts far too often for you to be interested in Seneca Crane,” she chuckled.

“And what do you say about me breaking up your wedding?”

As she looked into his eyes, there was no approximation, no almost. It was a relief to not have to *pretend* that he was the one she wanted, but to just KNOW it. “I say, thank you. ...Sweetheart.”

What fantasies and real desires would be accessible with him? She’d know more in time.