#Whenever someone on here shares an opposing opinion it’s not that I dislike that or want to intentionally suppress it

[stuckinapril]

.

[elencelebrindal]

Hi! Off topic question for your blog, since I've read the post about mxtx's works. Why don't you like Jiang Cheng? I'm curious to know the reason

Oh my god, I'm so sorry, this has been sitting in my askbox for a month T-T Ok, I have 10 minutes of free time, let me see how can I explain my dislike for him without angering the entire fandom.

Under the cut because 1. this is off topic for my blog and 2. it will probably be long. Beware of spoilers. I don't care for how long the novel/drama/donghua have been out, I'm aware there's still people that haven't read/watched it.

Please, keep in mind that this is my own opinion. Every single thing I've said in this post comes from my personality and views clashing with Jiang Cheng's character. I know that Jiang Cheng is a tridimensional character with a deep development, but that doesn't mean I approve of that (magnificently written) development. Comment if you want, but don't try to change my mind. It won't work. I also know that many of the things I've said here need further analysis and/or explanation, but it's been a year now since I've read the book/watched the drama, and I've shifted towards TGCF so I don't feel as involved as before.

Jiang Cheng is a difficult character for me to like, mainly because he reminds me of real life people that used to be around me, or are still around me. And said people make me uncomfortable.

At first, I didn't like or dislike Jiang Cheng. It was a normal character that I didn't really pay attention to, because he didn't fall in any of my "oh, I like/hate this character" category. He was a pretty normal person with struggles I could easily understand. Those doubts about his self-worth? Yeah, been there done that.

But then... Then the major changes of the plot happened.

I fully understand the overwhelming reaction he had after the death of his parents. I get that, I get that he felt lost and angry and frustrated all at the same time. I get that he was grieving, and terribly so. I get the reckless act of him running straight into danger for his parents' sake, I get him trying to help Wei Wuxian.

But I don't like how things started going downhill from there, from the moment he received Wei Wuxian's golden core and they reunited. I don't like how he resented all the Wen family, how he hated seemingly without making a distinction.

I absolutely despise the fact that Jiang Cheng opposed Wei Wuxian, when he wanted to protect those innocent people that had nothing to do with the massacres perpetrated by the Wen clan. I hate how Jiang Cheng ignored the fact that Wen Qing and Wen Ning helped him when he was most vulnerable.

I understand that he was angry, but that doesn't explain why he had to be so ungrateful towards people that didn't do anything malicious, people that helped him. Jiang Cheng is a multi-layered character, and there's not just this to him, but the negative feeling that came from him stuck to me way too much.

I appreciate the fact that Jiang Cheng reached some sort of agreement with Wei Wuxian, and that scene of him and Jiang Yanli meeting so Wei Wuxian could see her sister in her wedding robes still warms my heart, but Jiang Cheng went and declared Wei Wuxian an enemy of the cultivation world.

Jiang Cheng, although not even willingly (I don't believe him to be that blind), blamed Wei Wuxian for Jiang Yanli's death and for Jin Ling's current predicament. But this is something for another discussion, Jiang Yanli chose by herself, it was no one's blame if not hers and that's something often overlooked.

He suffered, yes, he was the only one left after his entire family died, but that didn't give him the right to straight up hate something he never tried to fully understand.

But what genuinely got me was his reaction upon discovering his golden core was Wei Wuxian's. To this day, I still can't get over the fact that he was angry at that. Confused, yes. It's understandable. But angry? Angry at someone for having helped you? I get it, okay? It's shocking. Knowing the man that was once your beloved brother sacrificed himself (literally) to help you is devastating, but his reaction seemed mostly bitter. There are reasons behind that, I'm aware of them, but at the same time... I didn't like it. This is probably because of how I personally think, though. I could never imagine me being bitter about someone helping me so much, even if it meant that certain someone had better skills than me. Jiang Cheng's personality regarding that is the complete opposite of mine, when he feels bitter I'd just feel sad.

I personally like to think that Jiang Cheng, after absorbing the shock, took his time to think about what Wei Wuxian's gesture meant, and took his time to try and mend their relationship.

Now, onto the thing that I dislike the most about him, because of personal experiences. I hate how Jiang Cheng educates Jin Ling. I know that he cares about him, and I know he'd rather lose all his limbs than seeing him seriously hurt, but I hate how harsh he is on him. No amount of gifts he can give him will make me change my mind on that. I spent my life hating how my parents and family treated me harshly, threatening me whenever I did something bad or when they wanted me to do good at something. Jiang Cheng, with the way he treats Jin Ling, reminds me of that. I know that he cares, but that behavior is something I hate to the core. I hate feeling threatened, I hate the dread that washes over me when I'm expected to do something for my family, and it's the same feeling I get when I watch Jiang Cheng interact with Jin Ling. Even if I know that he would never actually harm him, I hate it.

He did an incredible job raising Jin Ling, but at the same time his method of education is one of the worsts.

I really wang Jiang Cheng to finally feel better with himself. He's too bitter and angry, and I tend to dislike people that are like him. I've met my fair share of them in real life, and they always make me uncomfortable.

He deserves to feel at peace, knowing that he's his own person. I didn't like his reaction upon discovering the golden core was Wei Wuxian's also because it felt like Jiang Cheng started questioning everything about himself all over again.

Please, guys, check this post I’ve written thanks to an ask about the following statement, before reading what I deleted here. Turns out I forgot something a bit TOO important and I corrected my opinion. 

To conclude, please don't yell at me for having this opinion, and please let's avoid all the wrong discourse of Jiang Cheng being also somewhat of a homophobic. I used to see this come up a lot in discussions about his characters (now a lot less, but I'm also less invested in everything mdzs now because I prefer tgcf), and it's so wrong. If anything, he's bitter because not only he lost Wei Wuxian because of his own mistakes, but because someone who's basically a newcomer (compared to the years Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian spent together) managed to deepen the rift between them.

There's a lot of things I don't like about Jiang Cheng, but even I draw the line at people calling him homophobic.

[alovevigilante]

A conversation with self. By: Kari Keillor

me: well, all I know is that I think about a lot of things both consciously and subconsciously that affect my feelings and mood in my present moment. And when I internally discuss things that are hurtful, like reminding myself of people who don’t value or appreciate me, or, have treated me poorly in the past, I tend to get upset … within myself. Does that make sense?

Bigger Me: sure, cause I’m you. But let’s clarify for all those who aren’t. You’re saying that you think about things that are not kind about yourself, or, better put, you choose to recall things that don’t serve you for a better outcome.

me: yes. And for clarity’s sake, I’m going to call my higher self, “we” since I’m connected to everyone, and everyone is a more fair consensus, than just me.

Bigger Me: agreed. We, are “we” from here on out.

me: cool.

Bigger Me: ok, so now we can refer to “you”, Kari, as “you”, and ourselves, also a part of you, as “we”.

me: yeah.

Bigger Me: got it. Now, where were we.

me: In me! But more figuratively you were clarifying being “we”.

Bigger Me: right. Ok.

me: Listen, I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but if you are upset with me, and thinking negative things about me in our head, maybe you need to square things up with you, first, and not me.

Bigger Me: right, we agree. But we, remember, are a facet of you. So, we will aid in the squaring up.

me: and yes, it doesn’t escape me that I feel insane sometimes, and I’m talking to myself in my online journal.

Bigger Me: Listen Kari, we experience what you do, so let’s save the judgement and just continue chatting til we feel better. Deal?

me: Deal.

Bigger Me: Ok, let’s begin by saying that we’re your support team. We’re a part of you, but also connected to everyone else too. But we are here for you whenever you need us, and even when you think you don’t.

me: Thank you. I appreciate that.

Bigger Me: Great. So since we’re your internal guidance, we want what you truly want. And it’s your choice as to what energy we guide you with, since your filter will only allow whatever energy you’re ready to accept. And you are the person we’re focusing on right now. Make sense?

Me: Go on…

Bigger Me: alright, we believe you’re seeing yourself and other people in a not so great, kinda “eh” way. You believe you are mostly disliked by all who know you, and you review that frequently in your mind. We aren’t saying it, you are. But we’re all experiencing the energy of your opposing thoughts to what and how you truly are.

Me: yes. I’m not always down with people these days. Especially myself.

Bigger Me: …yes… and you are missing people being kind to you. And since you’ve alienated yourself from all those people in the physical, you are not being kind to you, by thinking about all the ways you have perceived and experienced the proof of your beliefs that you are not liked.

me: yes. I tend to be reactive to the energy that I perceive they are emitting to me.

Bigger Me: ok, right. Fair enough.

me: I usually am.

Bigger Me: well, since we are a facet of you, we agree.

me: yes! I knew there was a reason I enjoyed talking to you. But what happens when you like people, but you don’t agree with their interpretation of you, meaning me? That discord is hard to overcome, especially when their opinion is how ass I am.

Bigger Me: well, that’s just the thing.

me: what is?

Bigger Me: well, if that resonates, that’s what you need to look at. That’s how you may feel about yourself. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t affect you as much being labeled as that, because it wouldn’t be near to your higher vibrational state. But if you are close to agreeing with that ass statement, you’re gonna inevitably feel it.

me: damn…

Bigger Me: yeahhhh! Shit!

me: ok. Unfortunately I can’t get further away from the feeling of ass to experience much else right now, cause that’s all I’m replaying over and over in my head as of late.

Bigger Me: we know. That’s why we’re discussing. We think the thing to do is become in solidarity with the truth of the matter, and that is that you’re actually a loving, good person.

me: “unconditional love” is a little too lofty of an energy to leap to from where I’ve been recently and currently reside. I’ve been taking up a seemingly permanent residence in ass gulch, especially after I think about things about my past that support the hypothesis held by others and now by myself, that I suck.

Bigger Me: yes, we feel it.

me: so you see where I’m coming from then?

Bigger Me: of course we do. We’re you.

me: right. I keep forgetting…

Bigger Me: well, you’re currently writing about how people think you suck, thereby focusing on that, and reexperiencing the feeling of it. And we gotta say, we all hate it.

me: yeah. Me too.

Bigger Me: right! So, in short of getting a frontal lobotomy, maybe the path of least resistance would be to be more aware of what we’re thinking and what kinds of thoughts we entertain from here on out.

me: listen, that’s too tall of an order for me to do all the time. One can go insane and argue that I already have by writing this conversation with myself, let alone get lost in the minutiae of paying attention to every little thought I have ever. Also, I don’t have many friends left in which to share all this with.

Bigger Me: well, considering your current energetic state, we venture to say that that’s probably a good thing.

me: how so?

Bigger Me: well, you wouldn’t want to pass this ass to someone else, would you?

me: no. They may catch it.

Bigger Me: right. So going back to what we normally discuss, becoming more of yourself is cool and all, but your issue is when you bring the new “you” to the old energy, it’s not jiving so well. Because when you finally go back to interact with the other people that share your world, you become fearful that you will be rejected for it.

me: is that what the issue is?!

Bigger Me: well, we are a part of you, but we are also a part of everyone else too, so we have a slightly bigger perspective…

me: ok. Well, what about the people who don’t like me? Sometimes I construe their behavior as less than kind towards me, on purpose.

Bigger Me: seeing the world through the fear filter will garner that reactive, defensive energy. You will keep finding proof of your thoughts and beliefs, and you’ll keep creating situations for you to defend yourself. It’s a vicious cycle. The next time you feel defensive in a situation try this: when you feel attacked, go to a place in your head where there’s no argument, and no insult to fight against.

me: I can’t go there in my head immediately! People will think I’m nuts, or a pushover if I start talking about the calla lilies being in bloom as an answer to their insulting everything about me.

Bigger Me: can’t be any worse than what you perceive people think of you already. What do you care?

me: well, unfortunately I do.

Bigger Me: that’s the whole issue.

me: you have to at least be in the same reality as they are, don’t you?

Bigger Me: well, if you come from the preexisting, already established reality of insult and abuse, which incidentally always stems from fear of inadequacy, then you will continue the chain of abuse by accepting it. But, if you choose to have a filter of love, the weird stuff you claim people do and say to you won’t even register to you as such. Your filter in turn wouldn’t resonate or pick up the insult, or, if it does, you won’t care. Cause love overrides it. You end up filtering anything not love, out.

me: oh. I guess I never thought of it like that before, or I have, but I forgot.

Bigger Me: that’s why we check in.

me: let’s just say, that i say something kind to a jerk fach, and they gut punch me, are you saying I won’t feel it?

Bigger Me: well, first of all, you’ll feel it. And thereafter every time you think about it. But if you were to accept the energy of love you’d only have to experience the pain once, if that was the case. Also, if you were in the love energy, you wouldn’t label them as a “jerk fach” to begin with… and probably not have been open to being in the position of being gut punched, either physically or emotionally. In that case that’s still you choosing to hold and engage in some “not so great” energy. And that’s not love.

Secondly, people who are primarily choosing to experience and live in the energy of love aren’t usually around people who don’t, because the two energies don’t resonate. If they do happen to cross paths, which can sometimes occur, it doesn’t usually last for long. Everyone needs to, and will experience and be exposed to both contrast and love depending on life’s circumstances. There’s always a choice presented in every situation.

me: ok, but what if someone labels you as a jerk fach, and then gut punches you for no apparent reason…

Bigger Me: then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Until then, don’t focus on the negative eventualities that are most likely not probable.

me: got it.

Bigger Me: Kari, you are a loving person. We appreciate your willingness to be open about your life, and wanting people to understand that everyone has an internal monologue that they are playing out both in their heads, and in their lives according to how they feel. You deciding to be honest about yours, is beneficial to the whole of all of us, regardless of who reads this or not. Because just the mere creation of the energy is enough to create a catalyst for change. It’s out there, and we are too. Life is how you decide to perceive it. Deciding to explore your feelings and your thoughts that aid in how you feel is a fast track to developing a way to your happiness. This is for anyone, including you. So, be you, and don’t worry about how you are perceived and treated by others. Because when your sole focus is love, that is all you’ll see and experience.

me: thanks for caring.

Scene.

[trombonesinspace]

Typhoid Mary: feminist femme fatale?

“Season 4 was going to be Typhoid Mary, Alice Eve [who played the role in Iron Fist], we were doing a kind of...I had a much different version of her than what Raven [Metzner] had done in Iron Fist. I was kind of rebooting what she was going to be like, and we were going to do a, you know, kind of a warped love story/murder mystery kind of femme fatale, but kind of a modern-day, feminist version of it, as opposed to kind of the older, sexist kind of femme fatale archetype.”

-Erik Oleson, in conversation with Steven DeKnight, SaveDaredevilCon 

As I said yesterday, I have some thoughts about this! If you want some opinions nobody asked for, about a storyline that may never come to pass, you’ve come to the right place! Let’s dive in.

A femme fatale is a character type with quite a history, that can take various forms. She is always an attractive woman who brings ruin to the man who gets involved with her. But sometimes she is deliberately manipulative, while sometimes she is more a victim of circumstances. She may be evil, or she may be sympathetic/tragic. But whatever her moral alignment, she has two defining traits: sexual allure, and some form of negative consequences for the hero as a result of his involvement with her.

A woman who schemes against the hero, and succeeds in harming him, but without using feminine wiles? Not a femme fatale. The Marvel TV universe has featured several examples on different shows: Madame Gao, Mariah Dillard, Alexandra. And, ironically, the version of Typhoid Mary who appeared in Iron Fist. (We’ll get there.)

A sexy woman who tries to manipulate/damage the hero, but fails? Also not a femme fatale. I wish I could give some examples, but sadly I can’t think of any, in dramas at least. Our current media culture loves a sexy manipulator, no writer ever seems to introduce one into a dramatic story without making her succeed in her schemes, to some extent at least.

Which is unfortunate, from my perspective, because I loathe sexy manipulators. It’s a character type I really dislike, whenever I encounter her. As soon as she shows up, I know the hero is going to fall for her bullshit like a chump, and I’m going to end up respecting him less as a result. I could try to unpack my feelings about this a bit more, but that would probably make a post all on its own, so for now I’ll leave it at that.

This doesn’t mean I hate all femmes fatales—it really depends on her motivation and her behavior. If she isn’t trying to harm the hero, and it happens due to circumstances, then I might like the character, but the story becomes a tragedy. Which is not necessarily bad. Just, you know. Tragic.

Anyway! Let’s talk about Typhoid Mary.

Mary Walker is a woman with Dissociative Identity Disorder (multiple personalities), and high-level combat skills. In the comics, she is also a mutant with mental powers. She appeared in the Daredevil comics starting in 1988.

In this original version, her personality fragmented due to childhood abuse, leading her to vow as an adult that no man would ever hurt her again. Her personalities are: Mary, who is timid and gentle; Typhoid, who is adventurous, lusty, and violent; and Bloody Mary, who is even more violent, sadistic, and hates all men.

Mary becomes romantically involved with Matt Murdock, who is cheating on his girlfriend, Karen Page, to be with her. At the same time, Typhoid is trying to ruin him, having been hired to do so by the Kingpin. Matt can’t tell they’re the same woman, because when she switches personalities all her bio signs change (voice, scent, heartbeat, etc) so much that he can’t recognize her. (Uh, sure.) She may also be using some of her mutant powers to confuse his senses. I haven’t read the comics, I’m relying here on what I could learn from the internet.

Eventually Typhoid drops him off a bridge, but then Mary finds him and gets him to a hospital, saving him. Karen is with him when he wakes up, but he breaks her heart by calling out for Mary.

This storyline...does not thrill me. As I said, I haven’t read it, but comics writing about mental illness is generally neither nuanced nor accurate, and comics writing about women circa 1988 is also not great, by today’s standards. And comics Matt’s disastrous love life is legendary—cheating on your girlfriend is bad, Matt! Don’t do it! 

I have, however, watched season 2 of Iron Fist, where we get a different version. This Mary Walker is a US army veteran, special ops, who was captured by the Sokovian military. Her personality fragmented due to the brutal abuse she received from her captors for nearly two years, until she finally escaped. She got a medical discharge from the army after being diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Her personalities are: Mary, who is innocent and naive; and Walker, who is a ruthless, coolly efficient mercenary-for-hire. The existence of a third, ultraviolent personality, previously unknown to either Mary or Walker, is revealed near the end of the season. 

Mary meets and befriends Danny Rand, while Walker is hired by his enemies to stalk him, and eventually capture him so they can steal his Iron Fist powers from him. She later changes sides, getting hired to bring down Davos, the season’s main villain, by Joy Meachum, his former ally.

There are clear parallels to the Daredevil comics storyline, albeit in less extreme form—Mary befriends the hero, but isn’t romantically involved with him; her more violent personality works against him and fights him, but doesn’t try to destroy him. 

I enjoyed this version of the character more than I expected to, for a couple of reasons. For one, she is never the out of control, “crazy” stereotype of a person with mental illness. Both Mary and Walker are more-or-less functional adults, managing to live a strange hybrid life, aware of each other’s existence even though they don’t share memories.

But what I especially like is that she isn’t sexualized, at all. It’s incredibly rare, in my experience, to see a young, female antagonist opposing a male hero, and not have her be sexy. Older women are exempt from this obligation (see my list of examples above), but the young ones always vamp it up, and I am so tired of it. I am not opposed to sexy women, but I am very opposed to the requirement that all women must be sexy. (Unless they’re old.) Male antagonists aren’t required to be alluring, so why should women be? (Yes, I know why. I just don’t like it.)

There’s also a lot of potential YIKES in sexualizing a woman with a severe mental illness, which was caused by (among other things) repeated sexual violence. Could it be done in a way that isn’t super problematic? It’s possible, sure. Am I assuming that most television writers would give the subject the respect it deserves? NOPE! 

I’m really glad they chose to just not go there. Walker is extremely good at what she does, takes no shit from anyone, and (almost) never gets riled up. After everything she’s been through, nothing in her present life has the power to faze her, and none of the men around her have the power to intimidate her. It’s pretty great!

She isn’t the least bit coy or seductive, and, equally refreshing, none of the men try to sexualize her or hit on her. Everyone Walker talks to knows she is a highly skilled professional, and they treat her accordingly. Or, when someone does disrespect her, it’s never gendered as far as I can remember, and it stops as soon as she calmly states what she’s going to do to him if it doesn’t.

As for Mary, although she has a more feminine appearance than Walker (hair down and loose, makeup), she is also not sexualized. Her friendship with Danny, who is in an established relationship with Colleen Wing, is platonic, and no one else tries to hit on her that I remember.

So this is the version of Typhoid Mary that Erik Oleson was going to reboot, into a femme fatale. Only, you know. A feminist one. 

I...have some questions. What does that even mean? What does feminism mean to Erik Oleson? Let’s be real, the idea of a woman becoming an ultraviolent, sadistic man-hater as a result of sexual trauma would have been seen as feminist in some circles, back in 1988 when that version was written. So what, exactly, did he have in mind?

As I said before, sexual allure is a necessary component of a femme fatale. So she was definitely gonna be sexy. And you know now how I feel about sexy female antagonists. As for the “warped love story” part...Matt wouldn’t be cheating on Karen, since they aren’t together (please, for the love of mercy, don’t have them get together right before he meets Mary, we did that once and I do NOT want to see it again), but I am still not a fan of Matt/Mary as a couple.

Her Dissociative Identity Disorder raises some serious issues around consent, and even if the show chose to ignore that, there’s still the issue of past sexual trauma. Unless Oleson’s reworking of the character was going to include a completely different back story, a Matt/Mary relationship would mean Matt unknowingly having sex with a woman who has suffered brutal sexual abuse in her past. Not to mention, having sex with her that only one part of her personality actually wants.

Is it possible for someone with Mary’s past trauma and present mental illness to have a positive sexual relationship? In reality, of course! In the hands of writers with only a layman’s knowledge of psychology, on a show that loves to torment its hero, I wouldn’t bet on it. How do you suppose our poster boy for Catholic guilt would react when he inevitably finds out the truth?

Plus, aside from any issues around Mary herself, Matt starting a relationship with anyone other than the handful of people who already know his secret identity, means a whole new round of Matt lying to someone he cares about. Does anyone really want to see that? I know I don’t. Sure, maybe he’d tell her eventually, but how long would they have to date before he decided to trust her with the truth?

I’m not opposed to the Mary Walker from Iron Fist appearing in Daredevil, if the writers could come up with a new story for her (i.e, don’t just have her repeat all the same plot beats with Matt that she already did with Danny). But bringing her in as a femme fatale really doesn’t sit well with me. We’ve already seen Matt in an ultimately destructive relationship with a sexy, violent, morally grey woman. I really don’t want to watch Round 2: now with multiple personalities!

Of course, maybe we never will. The quote at the beginning of this post is from just a couple of weeks ago (July 25 2020), so Erik Oleson still seems to think it’s a fine idea. But obviously we don’t know yet if there will ever be a season 4, or who the show runner will be if there is. He may never get to make the story he was planning.

So yes, I realize I’m merely speculating about a completely theoretical story that may never happen. But I wanted to write this anyway. I had a strong “ugh, no” reaction to the idea of a feminist femme fatale Typhoid Mary, and I wanted to go deeper and pick apart my reasons for not liking the idea.

To the three of you who have read this all the way through to the end (this post is nearly 2000 words, yikes), thank you for indulging me! These are, as always, my own opinions, and YMMV. 

[pi-creates]

Any ships you dislike? It can be from any season, I just wanna get to know what ships you don't like for some reason. +, any ships from any season you wouldn't be comfy model swapping?

This feels like a bit of a minefield, so forgive me for prefacing this by saying whether I like your ship or not - it doesn’t mean I don’t like you or think you can’t ship it. 

Different strokes for different folks, and while I might not understand why someone ships something, I just assume they have a reason. Like, maybe there’s an amazing AU out there that I just don’t know about that shows the characters in a different light where it makes perfect sense. I dunno, maybe there is also just a dynamic that’s not my cup of tea but is for someone else. 

And if you happen to disagree with any of these, cool! Come tell me what ships you like and why, I like to be informed and hear what you’re enthusiastic about even if our opinions are different.

Now... I guess I’ll start with TFS since that’s the most shippy season and move backwards. Also putting it behind a “read more” because this sort of exploded in length. My bad.

TFS:

The first big one that comes to mind is that I’m not really a fan of Clemerva. It’s one of those ships that I really don’t understand the appeal of. Especially if we’re talking about something that isn’t based in an AU where Minnie’s traumatic experiences with the Delta didn’t happen. There just isn’t any positive interaction between Clem and Minnie in canon and they are constantly seen as opposing and hostile forces, so I don’t really know where the kick-off point for this ship comes from. If there are Clemerva shippers out there who can explain this, I would love to hear it.

Also don’t really like Lousim. I know that’s a popular one, but I don’t get it. I think I know why in this case, and it basically comes down to me not liking the “he’s just teasing ‘cause he likes you” thing when there isn’t also some affectionate hints along with it. I feel like I see that dynamic in a lot of media and it is very hit-or-miss for me - Lousim just is more of a miss in my case. I don’t doubt they’re friends since they do clearly care about each others well-being, but I personally don’t see where the romantic chemistry is. Or maybe I’m just missing those affectionate hints that would make this one work for me, I don’t know.

As for what I wouldn’t be comfortable model swapping... pretty much anything that’s going to stir trouble. I don’t want that. I don’t have the emotional fortitude to defend other people’s ships or swap ideas for them when they can land on touchy ground.

This includes literally anything with AJ. I thought I was ok with this one since in my head I thought there are probably people out there who have a “instead of Clem finding AJ, it was (blank)!” idea, but without the context it comes across as really shippy. I bring this up because there are literally 7 requests in my inbox to have AJ (specifically baby AJ) sharing a bed with a mix of different characters. I’m not touching this one, I don’t know why I haven’t just deleted those asks, and it honestly puts me off from doing the other AJ swaps that are like “can you make AJ hug (blank)?” because I question whether this is the same person trying to coax me in with foot-in-the-door tactics. And if that is what’s going on, I’m not ok with that either.

And I won’t put James in the dancing scene with a female character. I personally think it would be ok to pretend that scene is platonic and perhaps James is teaching one of the girls how to dance because he’s secretly a master of the waltz - but I don’t think it’s possible to completely separate the dancing moment out from its romantic context since it literally only occurs in a Violentine romance route. So yeah, not touching that one either.

ANF:

I think I’m ok with most ships in this one. Though truthfully I haven’t delved that far in to it, so maybe there are ships that I just don’t know about. 

Any Javi x Whoever ship is fine, I get where people are coming from with those since he’s the protagonist and an easy projection point for people. And if there are a bunch of side-character ships going on then I don’t think I’ve seen them. So I guess that’s a case-by-case thing that I’ll have an opinion on whenever I encounter them.

Actually no, there is one ship I’ve heard people talk about from one particular fic they’ve seen... and that’s stuff involving Mariana and some of the adult men in the New Frontier - not ok with that. Not touching that one for obvious reasons.

S2:

Another controversial one, maybe, but I never got the Nuke thing. I liked seeing a strong friendship between these two where they could hug and be supportive of each other without it meaning more. I dunno, I think I like it better as them being best friends who don’t care if it looks “too familiar” when they express that. Maybe I just like that it sort of adds some normalisation to be loving with your friends in a platonic way, and if it’s romantic it sort of takes a way from that message a little for me.

I think the Luke and Jane thing comes out of nowhere and its main purpose is to stir up unnecessary drama, but it doesn’t bother me if someone elaborates on it. 

I personally find Kenny and Sarita’s relationship a little too tense to be completely comfortable with...  but again, I feel like I could come around to this one as well if it was elaborated on further. Though it’s probably going to take more to convince me of this one than the Luke and Jane thing.

As for what I won’t touch... kid ships for this season are off the table, for the obvious reasons. I think most of the other things are fine, or at least I can’t think of any big ships that would be offensive enough that I wouldn’t be ok with them.

S1:

Ummm... I really don’t know with this one. I think I’m fine with most of the common ships - unless there’s some surprise ships out there that I don’t know about.

Carlee, Mollee, Lillee, Douglee, whatever. Same deal as ANF, shipping Lee with other characters makes sense to me since he’s the protagonist and the easiest character for people to project on for shipping purposes.

The one exception is probably Kenlee. I’m not really sure what puts me off so much with this one, but I guess it’s a combination of Kenny being married with a son and also an absolute dick in my playthroughs... so yeah, this one is hard for me to get behind.

And again... avoiding the kids here as well. 

[imma-lil-teapot]

Which Turtle I’d Get Along Best With :)

This is actually in response to @aurora-the-kunoichi ‘s  post = 

Ignoring the facts on why they are your favorite turtle based on looks and character traits. Based on your personality alone who do you think you would get alone with the best and give me reasons.

I was going to respond to it in the comments, but found the more I thought about it, the more indepth I wanted to actually go into the subject, and it’s been a while since I posted something of my own (sorta) so here we go~

Also, please beware the typos and errors. They bite.

A few things before we start... (Feel free to skip if you’re really not interested, it’s cool) ;)

-- Since a Bay!verse gif was used in the original post (points up), those are the Turts I’m going with in response to the post. :)

-- I have a handful of personal issues that I’m going to take into account when considering which guy I’d get along with best, namely: social anxiety and awkwardness, depression, panic attacks and low self esteem.

-- The general comfort setting I assume is during after the initial reaction of meeting them. So the friendship is still in its early stages but past the ‘OMGOSH, GIANT, TALKING, EXTREMELY BUFF, TURTLES WITH WEAPONS’ phase.

-- I really wanted to talk a bit about each one and how I’d feel around them, so how this is gonna work is basically least comfortable (first) to most comfortable (last) and of course as to why. :)

-- Please don’t think for a second that I dislike any of them based on this! I ADORE all of these boys (even though I do have a fav) and I fully believe that just about anyone (with good intentions) can get along with all of them and vice versa, even if it were to take a while (I’m looking at you, Raph ;P). I don’t see these boys being especially hostile to anyone without good reasoning, but like with all friendships, it takes time. 

And with that outta the way~ (Drum roll)

(4) LEAST COMFORTABLE~

RAPHAEL~

Aww, Mr. Big Cuddly Teddy Bear himself? Why would I be the least comfortable around ol’ Red? Perhaps because, first of all, his SIZE!! :O Yeah, technically, Donnie’s slightly taller, and granted, they’re all pretty gigantic, but Raph’s on a whole other level! Skip shoulder day? I think not! And here I am, 5′1′’ and have to look to the sky to see this hulking mass staring down at me with such a piercing gaze and a toothpick poking out of his lips... Yeah, that social anxiety and shyness I spoke of earlier would be busy wetting itself whenever I’d be in the general vicinity of Raphie-Boy. Now let’s get real for a sec, it’s not like Raph’s gonna have a Leatherhead moment and turn savage at the sight of me, but in my irrational mindset, from his displayed temper and the way he goes at that punching bag, he could at any time... Not to mention how he often butts heads with Leo. It would take quite a while to completely dispel the tension and discomfort I’d be in whenever I’m around him. Maybe even a few years since I get really nervous around others that show a lot of anger and physical irritation. I’d definitely feel like he’d find me a bother, irritating or in the way a lot, even though he probably wouldn’t really since he tolerates a lot from others, but that’s just how I’d interpret his actions from my own point of view and I’d always try to stay a little clear of him for the most part. Seriously, I adore you, Raph, but you’d scare the cr@p outta me. :O

On a brighter note, I would admire his dedication to his family, his heroic actions and just the way he works out all the time. But you know, just from... afar. :) At least for a while until I got use to him more, then we might even hit it off after that!

(3) SECOND TO LEAST COMFORTABLE~

LEONARDO~

Sorry Boi Blue. :’( You may be my fav, but I’d be an awkward mess around you. Now I dunno if the favoritism would hold true if I were to meet them in reality (there’s still a good chance it would), but like with Raph, Leo’s someone I’d admire from afar, though the nervousness wouldn’t be as hectic as with his younger brother in red since Leo doesn’t tend to display it as much and not in the same fashion. I tend to have a good amount of respect for authoritative figures (or at least I try to) and he’d be no exception to that rule, but because of this, I’d both enjoy and dread our little interactions for the fear of saying something stupid or to annoy him in anyway, even though I’d probably enjoy his presence since he’s someone to look up to (and no, that wasn’t a short joke ;P ) and to feel protected by. Again, I’d feel like a burden and an annoyance to him but unlike with Raph, I would have to at least open my mouth first to get that same amount of discomfort with him as opposed to Raph... That last sentence wasn’t meant to sound NSFW, just FYI. ;P But with Leo, I think I’d actually try and work around that amount of nerves to get into his good books since he’s proven he can be a bit more on the gentlemanly side so I feel I’d stand a better chance with him... But still pretty nervy and that is why he’s in the no.3 spot. Sorry, Leader Boy. :’(

Up side, the admiration is strong. Leaders have a lot upon their shoulders to bear so that alone puts him in high respects in my eyes. Not mention I’d be in complete awe whenever watching him practicing with his katanas and performing katas... I promised myself I wouldn’t fangirl, but DAYUM, BOI! It’s getting awful warm in the sewer~ Expect applause and compliments after practice! ;P

(2) SECOND MOST COMFORTABLE~

DONATELLO~

Despite us talking about the smartest Turtle, this one’s a no-brainer, really. :) Don’s a sweetheart so I think someone would really have to try their best to get this pacifist to at least not tolerate them. That’s not to say he doesn’t have enemies - like Shredder and Krang of course - but as long you’re not posing a threat to his family, friends, the innocent or the earth, I think you’re pretty much A-okay to him. He’d without a doubt be the brother I’d feel most comfortable around after the first as he seems to take into consideration the feelings and reactions of others and is just pretty laid back in general, not really loud and ranty and for that, I’d definitely feel more at ease around. Plus, he has a bit of a fun and quirky side that comes out every now and then. Heck, even a little bit of a potty mouth. X’D Don is definitely the one I’d go to for advice on just about anything, or just to share random information and trivia with. I feel he’d be a great listener, share his own opinions in a gentle fashion, provide heartfelt solutions and just genuinely be ready to help where he’s needed. Heck, he may even try to engage me in some simple tasks like helping him with a gadget he’s busy whipping up... This is however where the comfort will start to wobble: Don-Bon’s a genius, and I’m intimidated by brilliance of the mind. :( I’d start to feel compelled to stop talking to him after a while for the sheer sake of seeming too dense to be in his presence, especially if he were to start explaining equations and science related topics. His brilliant mindset would be too much for me to bear so I think I’d probably not spend too much time around him. That’s not to say the others aren’t smart, heck, but Don’s on a whole other playing field!

Other than that, I definitely would feel comfortable around this sweetie nerd. He’s adorable! Even though the brilliance is what scares me, I would in turn be in awe of it. :) He’s a regular Einstein and then some with a lovely personality to boot! 

When there’s something strange, 

with your home wi-fi,

Who ya gonna call?

DONATELLO~

*Is boo’d off the stage* X’D

And finally~

~(1)~ MOST COMFORTABLE~

~MICHELANGELO~

*Lets off balloons and streamers* Well, what a surprise, am I right? ;P Raise your hand if you saw it coming! :)

But seriously though, there wasn’t much to question; Mikey’s easily the one I’d gravitate towards first and feel most at ease around. :) He’s so laid back, fun, non-judgmental, accommodating, sweet, hilarious and charming, just to name a few things! What can I say, the youngest brother of the Turts is adorable and I genuinely feel I’d get along quite well with him. <3 With all my own personal baggage, he seems like the one that would be most patient and understanding with me if anything was to surface, and he’d be so chilled about it or even joke around in a non-offensive manner to help ease the tension. That’s something I’d really appreciate with him, especially in certain situations. His goofiness could quell any nerves, that’s for sure. Even though I’m no prankster of any note whatsoever, if he were to rope me into a very harmless and innocent one here and there, I’d probably be game for it, so the two of us would probably have quite a bit of fun together. Watching movies together too, with pizza, of course! Even laughing at him showing/goofing-off during training. 

So yeah, Mikey’s hands down my go-to Turtle boy in terms of comfort level, emotional support and just about everything in that relation. I see no reason as to why I’d not get along with him. He’s just a really great guy whom I feel would really go out of his way to make any human with good intentions feel welcome in his family. Someone who’s really in tune with others’ feelings and emotions and would try to help them when needed in the best way he could think of. A real cutie-pie with a heart of gold who just wants to fit in with the rest of the world. Someone who wouldn’t really care what the person looked like as long as they meant well. That’s Mikey for you, and the one I’d probably be most comfortable around! :D 

And there we have it! :) Definitely a fun and enjoyable post to type up! Although the ‘winner’ was a clear cut choice, it really got me thinking how I’d feel around the other three so am really glad I got around to doing this. :) Also, I’m sure @aurora-the-kunoichi​ would love to see more people respond to the question so if you’re interested, feel free to respond to it. ;) 

Thanks for reading~

[crusherthedoctor]

Got to love how people attack you just because you have an opinion different from the rest of the fanbase, when benign, darklight, and I are also quite vocal about our negative opinions about the comic--in our own ways. Really makes you think there's a double standard on people who don't get noticed on their negative opinions as often on this site as opposed to yours.

Well, it’s no secret that you generally get less flack on here if you like and dislike the “right” things. Notice how the people who have been dunking on the recent games under Pontaff’s writing 24/7 for nearly a decade now, to the point of making essays and/or videos about it, rarely get called out on it. But criticism directed at IDW? Criticism directed at Unleashed? Criticism directed at ‘06, in some circles? Nope, that’s not allowed anymore, apparently.

I think it might also be because I'm a Sonic fanfic writer, one who talks openly and unashamedly about my writing at that, AND one who has dared to go through with the cardinal sin of utilising an OC/canon ship. I say this because these people often tend to compare my work to IDW unfavourably, or otherwise use my work to somehow discredit my personal opinion on an official comic.

Or alternatively, they'll shit on Trudy and write her off as a terrible character to elevate the IDW characters (even though I like some of them...?), and claim people don't actually care about her. One time I even got a huge wall of text from someone who complained about Sonudis, dismissing it as pointless... and lo and behold, that person turned out to be an ardent Sonamy fan, meaning they were clearly pissed off for no other reason than because Sonudis wasn't Sonamy.

They're not particularly bright, and whenever I bother replying to them (which isn't often since it's more than they deserve), it's only to share their display of stupidity with my followers, lol.

[masterthespianduchovny]

Wanna Read My Crazy Ass Sansa and Dany Theory?

I could be completely wrong about this, but I think D&D are going to subvert our expectations in regards to Dany and Sansa.

They’re leaning heavily into Dany being the Mad Queen, esp by having ppl on her council be afraid of that as well. But, wasn’t the Mad King, her grandfather, driven by paranoia and blood lust?

Comparatively, Dany is driven by grief, loss, revenge, etc. she is understandably angry and everyone keeps swearing she’s going mad for being justifiably upset. Even then, despite her rightful anger, she still listens to others (even when it’s for show). She wanted to kill Jaime, Sansa said no and Jon supported her, so she didn’t kill Jaime. She wanted to replaced Tyrion as Hand with Jorah again and he said that Tyrion should be given another chance and she gave him that. Jon told her the truth about his parentage and she saved him twice during the battle, tried to have sexy times with him, and then pled for him to tell anyone else the truth (which he did anyways).

Just about every expression of anger she has can easily be explained in the series and it’s not as if it isn’t justified. Or most of it at least.

Dany’s anger makes sense, but it is constantly framed as madness.

Now, compare that with Sansa. It’s easier to justify her with having trust issues due to her abuse and torture as well as her hostility due to wanting to protect her family. (Dany actually share more things in common with Sansa pertaining this than most are willing to admit, yet this is glossed over)

But, keep in mind that, despite Sansa asking Jon to fight Ramsey to get winterfell back, she’s STILL distrustful of him and that is even AFTER the battle is won. She never stops being paranoid or distrustful about Jon even though she she feels protective of him because he’s her brother (her paranoia is very low key). Sansa was behaving in such a way that Arya was suspicious of her motives and reminded her who she was ruling in place of.

Let’s also remember that she almost let LF convince her that Arya was a threat against her, which would’ve set into motion killing Arya. Some think it was a set up between Arya and Sansa to fool LF, BUT because Bran gave her the 411, sansa realized she was being played and had LF killed instead. And some of these scenes couldn’t have been done to put in a show for LF. Sansa seriously was paranoid about Arya being a threat to her.

When Dany and Sansa first meet, who’s being hostile? Sansa. We can argue all day that Sansa doesn’t have to bow down or like Dany, but that was never Dany’s issue. Dany knew what disrespect was like when she saw it because she’s used to men disrespecting her. The same men who disrespected her, almost always tried to undermine her power.

For Sansa to be a skilled player, openly showing that she doesn’t like Dany isn’t signs of being a player. Or at least a good one. But, if she’s playing the game, her open hostility towards Dany is a sign of her madness. You never let your target know you have it out for them.

We mention how Sansa learned from the best of the best: Cersei, LF, Olenna, Margaery, etc, right? What do all of them have in common?

They smiled and played nice and didn’t show their hands until they had to.

“But, three of them died and Sansa’s still alive; she outsmarted them all.”

No. She did not.

Sansa got saved by the Hound due the battle with wild fire—he saved her on his own will. LF sent a man to pick up Sansa when Joffrey got poisoned because he knew she’d get blamed for it. In almost every situation where Sansa is saved, someone intervened and she didn’t partake in any of the planning to save her life.

But, as Cersei said, “when you play the game of thrones, you win or you die.”

Think about that: there is no middle ground. Sansa could easily be the first one to lose and not die, BUT playing that game corrupts you. She learned the game by people who were willing to do anything to get what they wanted. Cersei blew up a church, Olenna poisoned a child (sure he was evil, but still), Margaery seduced and slept with a child in addition to using sex for influence (no judgement here), and LF orchestrated the entire mess that led to her coming to KL, her parents dying, two her siblings dying, etc.

Sansa isn’t playing the game for the good of the people. She’s no longer concerned about the North, but rather the crown after she hears that Jon has a legitimate claim.

Everyone who plays the game has dirty hands, which is why whenever starks go south they lose their heads: they refuse to play the game.

So, back to Dany: Sansa is being openly petulant and snippy to Dany during the council meeting. We can argue that Dany’s response is poor, but again, we see her discuss Sansa’s behavior in private. When Jorah suggests she speaks with Sansa one on one, although Dany is upset with how things ended, she is still able to be advised and (tries to) listen(s).

Sansa’s response isn’t proof of her madness, but it’s it notable in my opinion.

In 8X03, we see her criticize/insult Dany as she hides safely in the crypts (for the time being) while Dany is out on the field. Missandei is clearly sick of Sansa’s remarks, which means this isn’t the first time sansa has gotten mouthy outside of scripted scenes. Sansa is obsessed with Dany and it’s more than about the north being independent.

Think back to 8x01, Sansa comes off as jealous when she first meets Dany. Then, she goes to Jon and her retort to Jon saying Dany is different from the Mad King is to say she’s prettier. She doesn’t ask Jon why he bent the knee or try to understand his motivations—she’s made up her mind.

With this recent episode, although the north doesn’t open Dany with open arms and they’re still reluctant to trust her, they’re warming up. But, guess whose unambiguously distrustful of Dany?

Sansa.

I agree. Sansa still has reason to be reluctant about distrusting Dany, but she seems to distrust Dany even more after the battle. Dany did a smart thing about legitimizing Gendry to earn goodwill opposed to the usual accusations of how she’s all “bend the knee or die.” She thinks logically about what a Baratheon alliance means for the stormlands as well as a gesture of goodwill to the north/Westeros.

Sansa IS the paranoid one here.

Tyrion points out that the seven kingdoms have flourished when the North and crown got along. We also know that the North is largely left to their own devices because no king has ever bothered to deal with them. I can’t speak for the books, but IN THE SHOW, the North wasn’t hellbent on independence until Ned was killed. The fact that none of the starks knew how to play the game until Sansa also speaks to have disconnected they were with dealing with the crown. Sansa is hiding behind the cover of Northern independence, but it doesn’t make sense when you think about it.

If you look back to the scene where Jon is crowned KITN, who’s upset?

Sansa.

After Arya and Sansa teamed up to take down LF, they’ve supported one another. Jon is Arya’s favorite brother/sibling by far and they used to dislike Sansa together, but she defends Sansa. She tells him that she’s trying to protect their family. We see in this last episode that Arya doesn’t trust Dany and makes it clear from a northern/family perspective.

But, Arya also says that respects Dany fight during the battle and guess what happens, sansa looks at Arya in shock. Not because Arya led some charge against Dany, but rather, she viewed Arya as siding/defending Dany. Sansa doesn’t want Dany to be right about anything or for anyone to side with her.

Is that not being irrational?

Jon has sansa swear not to tell his secret, which she does so in less than an hour. And people already know that Sansa will turned key house against Dany and onto Jon’s (her) side.

But, another telling thing is Tyrion asking Sansa why is she determined to dislike Dany and how it isn’t smart to antagonize Dany. Tyrion has made a lot of mistakes, but that isn’t one of them. He also knows sansa well enough, despite her changing some, that her dislike Dany is deeper than merely protecting the north and their family.

There are more signs pointing to Sansa spiraling into madness than Dany, despite Dany being the Mad King’s daughter (granddaughter???).

[funkymbtifiction]

Another Te vs Ti question

I saw the last Te/Ti ask and these bits

“ Te may take shortcuts to get done faster, and Ti prefers a more methodical approach that is ‘correct’ in its every nuance. ”

“The Ti method is slow, methodical precision and the Te method is external organization of facts.”

which seemly only state already known facts about the logical types remind me of a question I had from a long time ago: how do I know if I’m being methodical in my thinking vs just a perfectionist in terms of results? I feel like I’m way to impatient to ever see myself as being methodical in my dealings, because I don’t tend to follow procedures unless they proved themselves to be necessary/get the best results. But I’m nitpicky about mistakes and love accuracy/precision when I assess results, both my own and of others. My thought process definitely can’t be described as slow, in fact slow thinking/talking (I know it doesn’t mean unintelligence) is my #1 enemy. If I ask a question, I want an answer right away, and can provide them to others quickly too.

I really identify with the objective and “crude” way of assessing things Te has, the going to the heart of the matter and root cause factor, among others. But on the other hand though I’m the queen of shortcomes in dealing with unpleasing/boring tasks, I’m also incredibly demanding of myself (and others) when it comes to things I deem relevant or meaningful. 

Whenever I read Te descriptions, specially ones trying to paint its thought process I get it (though can’t relate to all behaviors said to come from its usage), but with Ti is 50/50. Some sound exactly like what I do (love to know how things and people work, like to have detail knowledge of things partaking my interest and unintentionally am seen as an authority on the subject, see links between concepts and causal deterministic factors), but many times they make Ti sound like something not only foreign, but downright bizarre to me.

This video of Kristen Stewart (whom I’m sure is an ISTP) is a great example of that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJyfLy1yp0Q. The whole thing is so Ti/Fe (with Ni bits) it hurts, and at 3:45 she perfectly describes what Ti dom is like according to descriptions. Even the 2+2=4 allegory is there, but that’s not how I think at all. In fact, I don’t really understand how anyone can think like that. I mean 2+2 is 4, though 4 can also come from a different sum (say, 3+1), why would you question the result itself, what else could it be??? At 6:17 she goes into another Ti thing, which is something I had to learn in order to not “offend” (why is confidently stating something offending even?) people: “typically speaking”, “in a given context”, this sort of conditional speaking style. But it seems natural to her. And at 5:59 that seems really Fe, and opposite to how I operate: I don’t feel the need to share my feelings with others (quite the opposite, I share opinions and critiques) and though I want to see people being honest and ‘real’ with me, I not only see as natural the need to “hide” (or protect) their own. Is it because I’m an 8, so I relate to not wanting to broadcast your weakness to others, or is it Fi? I think people have to let those feeling out, deal with them directly before they turn into poison or hindres them in any way (and I know by experience that Dumbledore was right, and numbing the pain only makes it hurt more when you finally feel it), and if it helps them, confine in someone they trust, but in private. And 11:48 is that (the ambiguity thing) Ti+Ni or just one? I personally don’t think life’s hard (though it might have many hardships) as is challenging and interesting, do’t see much ambiguity either, quite  the opposite. I think things only look ambiguous when you’re in the dark and don’t really know what’s going on. Once you figure out the rules and principles of things/people the smoke clears, the answer is there. I often wonder if people over complicate things because they just ca’t accept things/people are what they are, or if they really can’t see it.

My problem with Te is two things: first, I see Te people as described (often here on this blog even) in a way that sounds like they don’t have real curiosity about things, only their use, and accept external standardized information as facts without questioning them. That’s not how I operate, I question common knowledge a lot and don’t assume statistics/numbers are correct/real, in fact I often discredit them though I check them out. Data can be easily manipulated and reputation bought, so I don’t put much weight into someone being an authority on a subject automatically, they have to prove themselves to me over time. It’s just that it makes high Te types sound like they don’t have opinions of their own and only care about figures, and also a bit like machines endlessly working for “results” for their own sake, with no real “why” propelling them. A lot like types 3 actually and I have it on my tritype, but it comes last.

But I care about facts a whole lot, only facts are screened/checked/judged by me most often them not before I deemed them so. This process doesn’t take a lot of time though, I’m very efficient at research, and many times I only need my own observation of reality to declare something is correct or real. I trust things I’ve seen/experienced with my own eyes above all else, specially if there’s a pattern (and you can trust that if there’s any I’ won’t miss it). In other to convince me of anything I need evidence, and convincing ones at that. It’s been said to me that I’m the embodiment of that “Show me the receipts” gif, and that I resemble a judge at court a lot, and I can’t say that I disagree. I don’t take things at face value unless it’s something like the 2+2=4 thing. People lie so much and most things are not what they seem, so the real juice isn’t on the surface, that’s why I trust my intuition ‘cause it’s never failed me before. I think a lot of mistakes (eve catastrophes) could be avoided if only people weren’t so intellectually lazy and credulous.

 I analyze things/people a lot, but analysis is only attributed to Ti. When I critique things/people, it seems t be in both a Te and Ti way, depending on the situation it leans more one way or another. When I watch/see/hear/read things I immediately can see all of its deficiencies and how it could be done better (there are several factors involved, like quality in itself, creativity, impact, resources management, PR etc). I had to learn to shut up about it over time because otherwise I “ruin” it for people *giant eye roll*. My ENFP mom thinks I’m too demanding and have too high standards, and I’m too cutting and unforgiving in my judgments but it’s not like I say it to people’s faces without being asked, so I don’t know what the problem is really. I just try to not waste my time and get irritated with what doesn’t meet the mark. I’d think that’s Te, but I also can be quite obsessed with finding out the truth about something and spotting connections (even if I don’t instantly know how they’re connected, I just know they are) is my forte, and that kind of digging is usually attributed to Ti so…I don’t know.

Sorry that I hung onto this forever and let it get lost in our drafts folder, but… at least you’ll have a more updated, honest answer now that I’ve studied more. :P

You do sound more Te than Ti, and your protectiveness over your feelings and assertiveness is probably also your 8 in addition to Fi, but you should always remember that Te and Ti can do one another’s jobs. It’s just which method do you prefer MORE. Thus, it’s natural you’d see a lot of Ti in yourself. Most of the TJs I know ‘get’ Ti reasoning and can do it – it’s just that using it wears them out after awhile and sometimes they find it aggravating because it might be unnecessarily ‘complicating’ their process (as opposed to the days where they want a thorough understanding). The TPs I know can also ‘do’ Te.

T can be broken down to reasons / logic. That’s it. It’s just – does yours point outward more often, or inward more often. Is your logic personal to you or not?

In short:

Ti: my reasons work for me. I base my identity off my reasoning. Then I check in with others to see if they like my reasoning to know I’ve explained it well (Fe).

Te: how do my reasons compare with your reasons? I back them up with a values system I’m committed to (Fi).

Consequently, you’ll know a feeler has well-developed their T function when if you ask them to explain their reasoning behind a like/dislike, they can plainly lay out logical reasons that either work for them (Ti) or are objective and measurable by the world’s standards (Te). It’ll either be part of “my truth” (low Ti) or “these are the measurable benefits of doing / believing what I’m doing believing” (low Te). Feelers without well-developed reasons will often retreat.

(Side note: when I mistyped as a Fe user, an INTJ kept pointing out that my ‘reasons’ whenever she would ask me to decide something from a logical stance were Te-based due to them being measurable according to social standards not of emotions or values [Fe] but in facts and judgments. Sometimes, it can help to have another person with the same function higher ‘spot’ in you what you cannot see in yourself.)

- ENFP Mod

[eiruvsq]

Artist:

Beau B. Frank

"Currently reflecting on the remaining 5 weeks of 2017 and recognizing how insane it's been. I still can't believe I had the opportunity to spend a month in Melbourne, Australia, got to go to Cadiz, Spain twice, and revisit Oaxaca, Mexico(which inspired this piece). Being able to travel and come back to my job has been a blessing, but don't be fooled. Just because I have time off for extended periods doesn't mean I don't work a lot. I seem to always make up for it when I get back from a trip. - I'm currently on my 8th dinner shift in a row working at the restaurant and I sometimes wonder if I'm overdoing it. I can't help but catch myself fantasizing of a lazy day or sleeping in until 12. As much as the money feeds my bank account and the work is enjoyable most of the time, a part of me craves to satiate a hunger that can only be curbed by spending it traveling or painting. My mind begins to wander to distant places, foreign and wild lands accompanied by a little space to make my bed and paint into the night. - In the meantime I'm here in Pacific Grove, working my restaurant shifts, exercising and going for runs along the coast, and painting whenever possible. Making time for my art is a daily struggle but it is no longer an option, it is a necessity. That's why I make it a daily habit, no matter how busy I get, no matter how tired I am, no matter what my life becomes of itself. - - Only a few fine tunings to go for this piece before it gets sent over to @spoke_art for the 7th Annual Supersonic Invitational curated by @supersonicart - so excited to be a part of the show! 🙏🏻"

"- I recently got insulted on social media and criticized for the work that I do. The latest comments go as such, "I don't get it." -- "I understand what you are trying to do, doesn't look good." -- "I can't believe you ruined that painting, it looked so good." These comments were made in the last few days. Compared to what some people receive as attacks or rude comments, I'd say I'm pretty fortunate since these are relatively tame and polite. - I'd be lying if I said these negative comments didn't hurt my feelings or offend me and usually my way of protecting myself is throwing some passive aggressive shade and showering them with heart emojis and "thanks sweetheart" kinds of responses. It's my way of getting back at them. Basically I'm trying to get them even more mad and frustrated with me so that they make another rude comment and make a fool of themselves, and then I can walk away feeling like I'm the innocent hero. - I'm trying not to do that anymore. I would much rather have a dialogue and hear opposing views and opinions and to talk about it. I want to understand the psychology behind what makes someone treat another human being with disrespect. I want to ask them questions: - Why do you dislike my work? Which aspects offend or discomfort you? What sparked the need to write those words in response to my work. Are you a painter as well, and if so do you understand the practice? What would you have done differently? Why do you choose to criticize without giving any constructive comments? Did you enjoy sharing that remark? What did you hope to accomplish? - I'm all for opposing opinions and I know that not everyone is going to like my work. I'm just wondering why I feel like we are talking much less and instead pointing the finger and judging from our high horses without getting down to the same level to open a discussion and share insight to the words we choose to speak and write online. Having said all this, I'm trying not to focus on the negative since I am blessed with a beautiful following who encourage, inspire, and support my craft. I am lucky to have you and thanks for hanging out with me, listening, and also for keeping me accountable 🙏🏻❤️-"

https://www.instagram.com/beaubfrank/

[askthetriokzt]

20??

 20. Wildcard. Talk about anything

// Oh boy, anything? Lets shine some light on Criticism shall well? A key thing I learned when it comes to creating and critiquing. But before I talk about criticism, I would like to talk about a universal currency.

 Believe it or not, but all humankind share one kind of commodity, regardless of social status, nationality, race, gender, sexual orientation, or any other sort of categorization.

That commodity is time. We can give our time, invest our time, waste our time, miss our time, lose time, have it stolen, and we can value our time… the only thing we cant do, is have more time. We claim to buy time, but thats really just an exchange of our own time to delay events. Though we dont know how deep our own accounts go, we cant create more of this finite resource.

So when you invest time in watching a movie or reading a book, or any other exchange that didn’t seem worth the trade, its natural to be angry. This was your time and it has value. Simultaneously, the creator of that book or movie, or art piece, or characters, ect can invest a great deal of their own time in that works creation. Its incredibly frustrating to feel that people arent recognizing that effort. Which is where the tension between critics and creatives often arises.

The wrong word from a certain critic can undermine a lot of creative investment. Yet many a critic will defend their role as pushing back against any trivialization of an art form. In a weird way, both sides believe themselves to be creativity’s true champion. And in my eyes, the best critics convey this love for the medium

Somewhere along the way, critics became celebrities in their own right. An idea started to creep in, ‘To stand out and to be noticed, many critics rely on the idea that negativity is honesty.’.

We’ve all been seduced by this at some point. Many many reviewers have gained an audience and kept it by tearing works apart. The online world in particular flocks to this. We see negativity as a voice, shouting down the groupthink. Its a statement that “We are not going to be cowed by the fandom’s whims and so they got to deal with it!”

And it works. Even if people to agree to the negativity, they respond to it. The comment in defense of their favorite characters and episodes, they denounce the critic, and for some its enough to have that response and recognition. As the saying goes, “There’s no such thing as negative publicity.”.

But given enough time, does the same tactic work? If a critic is consistently negative, regardless of context, I think people begin to see the figure behind the curtain. At most, negativity can become a gimmick, while often its a method towards false confidence. That said, is positivity instant honesty?

 Not really. Unwillingness to criticize indicates that someone is starting with the assumption that the work is good and is going backward. There’s a sense that being a fan is taking priority over being honest. So where does the balance lie?

Personally, I dont think it has to do with a quota of positive vs negative comments or reviews. The real challenge is to show love for the art and the expression. If a piece doesn't work, if it fails to register, whats the counterbalance? Can you highlight a work that did the same attempt and succeeded? That’s offering genuine criticism. Because not only are you stating that something didn’t work, but you’re also helping people understand by providing a positive point of reference.

And by criticising what didn’t work, how much authority can a critic assume? Often times, a negative ‘critic’ will go after the artist more than the artwork. Telling them to keep their hobbies at home or to no inflict their failure on the community. In essence, they’re telling others to stop trying.

If there’s ever a warning light to tune someone out, its when they discourage future attempts. How does the ability to criticize translate into the authority to dictate terms? Attempting to sabotage a person’s efforts is suffocating. You’re drawing a line in the sand with no room for discussion or growth.

I get the sense that this wouldn’t really matter to someone who thrives off of that negativity, people who create cringe blogs, or people who just attack the artist because this isn't about dialogue or insight, its about them. By putting down someone else's work, they present the illusion of intelligence and insight without risk. 

“In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read.” - Anton Ego from Ratatouille

This leaves a question if time is currency, how much time should we invest in those who do not create? Being an accomplished artist isn’t a prerequisite for giving feedback. Its the old train of thought, “I dont have to be a chef to recognize a bad meal.”. But how much can this feedback benefit the process? Often times, we can find ourselves under a barrage of words that have an emotional impact but offer very little insight. Even the phrases that can sound positive, often times dont express why they like the piece.

The fact is, not all criticism is created equal. People who have never taken the risk, often lack the perspective to offer insight, so their feedback is often focused on their own entertainment. Yet audiences are vast and can have a diverse set of opinions, often contradictory, so it becomes a judgment call. Who offers the best and most insightful criticism, and who is just making demands?

The thing that kills me is that if I could challenge these so-called ‘critics’, I’m sure their response would be, “I’m just stating my opinion. Its not my fault if others are offended.”. I’ve seen this defense or excuse thrown up so many times, its become borderline comical. This avoidance of responsibility or any acknowledgment that the message didn’t reach the audience. What this message really means is a double standard. The person is saying, “I am not going to invest the time or energy to better craft a message that will reach my audience, yet I expect you to invest the time and energy to pay attention.”

The end result is that the only people who agree, are those who already shared the same mindset beforehand. Very rarely does this sway the opposing view or offer new ideas.

Once again, I’m drawn back to the idea that a negative review can be fun to watch/listen. We might enjoy a sense of validation, we can say “Hey, I’m not the only one who didn’t like that thing.” Yet even then, I cant just point at a reviewer and say, “I’m entertained.” or “This person and I dislike the same things and therefore, they must be good critics.” I find that the critics I go out of my way to watch, offer more than just entertainment.

When Linkara lays into the toxic message that is ‘Holly Terror’, he contrasted about how SuperHeroes can knights-errant, showing the best in kindness and decencyWhen Angry Joe went full fury over ‘Ride to Hell’, it wasn’t just about bad gameplay, he also denounced the insulting and juvenile approach towards women and sex.And when BennetTheSage reviewed the anime ‘Fooly Cooly’, he reflected on how our tastes change and evolve with time but that doesn't mean that our past enjoyment was meaningless.

Honestly, the best reviews and critics aren’t those who just pick something to pieces, they’re people who recognize that creativity is an expression of an idea, even if its not well represented. By drawing our attention to the ideas to get people thinking. Bonus points if you can enjoy a laugh along the way. Yet there will always be people who just want to tear others down, attack the artist, and just be overall negative without caring about others or their growth. Whenever you put your work out there, someone else will see it as an opportunity for their own advancement.

What I hope people will take away from this, is where to invest their time. To look at a critics commentary and ask, “Is there a genuine care for the idea or expression?” “Is there just some sort of entertainment value?” Is when I can get a sense that a person is just unfunny and wearing the facade of a critic, is when I say can say “I have a pretty limited amount of time, are you really worth the investment?”

Here’s hoping that you found this long long ‘essay’, worth your own time and that it could help bring a new view to things.

[citrus-feline]

going on facebook is always awful cuz ill want to share something with my dad but then see his most recent post is talking about “commie liberal shitheads” like. dad. is that what he thinks about me? he is definitely at least semi-aware of my political views. he’s accused me of being a communist in highschool back when i thought there was a point in talking to him about issues (but hes not going to change his mind). i dont get it either because he will get livid when i say that capitalism in its current state in america is ruining us despite being one of the people affected most by it. i grew up like hating late-capitalist ideals because i saw what my dad went thru and the hardship he endured trying to raise 3 kids all by himself when he was already having money issues. he grew up poor in a house with 5+ kids in it. is it just conditioning where he trusts a system that is so against him? he only just recently finally got a job that pays fairly for the amount of hardwork he does and his reaction to that isn’t being thankful to his hardwork or even his company, but making posts on facebook about how much he loves the president :/. dad... you’re opposed to raising min wage..... like....... he deserves the money for the work he does cuz hes like a genius with the machines he works but dude. go back 50 years and a job in a similar environment would be min wage. im happy he is getting more money but i wish he would like thank himself or his company instead of someone who perpetuates late-stage capitalism despite all of its harm.

generally i actually think my dad is okay but then i look at what he’s saying about people like me and it upsets me. i once made a post about how older people are so unsupportive to newer generations and he got so mad!! but im expected to see his posts that i can easily apply to myself and just be okay with it. im not gonna fight with my dad cuz like even the possibility of being told to move out will be really hard of my mental health and he takes care of me but........ i wish he was more respectful....... say what you will but the meanest i am to conservatives is when im venting about upsetting things i saw in the news on this website. when it comes to actually talking to people with different views i am really kind and understanding, and even on here i’ve experienced that. i’ve made angry posts before with keywords that attracted conservatives and have gotten angry asks about it before and my response is almost always “im sorry i upset you with that post, i was venting. but i am happy to have a conversation with you about this stuff.”..... i have only like once ever had someone take me up on discussing things in a mature way and separate from a personal post but i like to think that the way i handle it is respectful despite my own disbelief in those types of politics.

him going off on facebook is so bizarre to me because i’ve seen him fight with people in comments before. i’ve heard my sister (who is much stronger than me emotionally) address his posts before only to get into arguments where she will avoid visiting us for months aside from popping in after work or something. and she barely does that anymore. i dont get how he is so happy to keep making such rude posts on a platform that everyone he knows will see. i post on here knowing that maybe one or two people i know in real life will see it, if even that. and THAT makes me nervous! i’ve deleted plenty of posts i was typing up mid-rant because i realized i didnt want people who know me personally to see that! like i know looking at my blog it seems like “oh she doesnt have a filter” but i do!! like once a day i will start writing a vent post only to delete it all without ever posting because i realize it could cause some kind of misunderstanding or bitterness between me and the people i care about who check my blog.

all “bleh i hate capitalism” aside, i don’t understand the disrespect at all. i just dont. i can theoretically look at very conservative people as a group and be bitter about that, and i do sometimes, but i usually try to be mindful that people have opinions for their own reasons and i have to remember that everyone’s experience is different. despite people saying things i disagree with, i still respect them as people and i’m willing to talk about things gently. i much prefer a mature conversation about more heavy stuff as opposed to being yelled at. a mature conversation can lead to things being learned, on both sides. being so vocal about your disdain for people who you could potentially have an actual conversation with upsets me. i go off about politicians and stuff on here but for real if one of them talked to me, one-on-one, i would absolutely still be respectful despite everything i dislike about their policies and behavior as someone of power. the only time i wouldn’t treat someone with respect is if they not only treat me disrespectfully but reject my attempt at keeping things civil. and even then i would give multiple opportunities in an attempt to keep things calm and respectful. when i discuss stuff with people who i disagree with, i listen to them. lots of the time i feel the same about the issue at the end, but hearing a point of view is important. brushing all people who disagree with you away is just in bad taste in my opinion. because there are people who will not believe in what you do but also show respect despite that. there are people who will listen, even if they are secretly a little upset about what you’re saying. conversation is important in any kind of society and for one so polarized in political beliefs like ours i think it should be a requirement to show SOME kind of respect.

it just upsets me how i wont even be heard with some people, like my dad. people who are so stuck in their beliefs that they refuse to even consider looking at them critically. i know the stuff i align myself with isn’t perfect. i know some things people who are head-speakers for in the political groups i openly say i agree with aren’t always exactly what i think. and i know that lots of things won’t be treated as serious as i want them to be. focus can easily be put on things that i think should come later compared to what i care about. i know that “liberals” aren’t perfect. a lot of kids i went to school with were heavily and openly liberal and generally i agreed with them but now and then they would go too far with something, or even just be one of those people who are so up in arms about political stuff that they don’t have any real personal experience with (which is fine, i just wish they wouldn’t act like it was them being attacked instead of the actual people suffering from the real-life issues). i know my beliefs, MY personally beliefs, aren’t perfect. i used to have a lot of trouble realizing something i believed in was not what i thought it was, but now its kinda normal for me. my beliefs for lots of stuff is fluid, but of course because its me, i usually end up aligning with most “liberal” ideals (but, again, theres stuff i disagree with in those groups too). i will ride in my dad’s car where the radio is still on a political station he listens to and some of the stuff they say makes me sick because i disagree with it so much. and i like to think that my dad doesn’t believe all of that. but i dont know because whenever i’ve tried to figure out i’ve just been called a communist who hates freedom, lol. he’s not open to conversation which is really weird to me. cuz like. things change?? opinions aren’t static? people are able to look at things from different angles. its not that hard imo? maybe its just cuz im overly-empathetic but like. i dont... get how its so hard for people to put themselves in others shoes... thats what i primarily do when talking to people about stuff where theres any sort of disagreement. lots of the time ill put myself in their shoes and still come out feeling the same about the topic, but its still important to do that kind of thing to at least get SOME kind of grasp to why they believe what they do.

im not sure why im making so many long political posts lately compared to usual but i feel like this is important stuff to talk about... i dont expect anyone to change their views on shit just reading a post where im getting my frustrations out, but if anything is questionable, i want people to know that i AM open to talking about it personally. if you approach me with respect, i’d be happy to talk to you about stuff. it’s something i practice regularly with non-political stuff in my relationship and with close-friends when something touchy comes up. lots of the times core ideas aren’t changed but we all come out of that stuff with a bit more understanding of the other person and why they think what they do. people aren’t perfect and you will disagree about things. that’s why it should be handled respectfully. if i reacted the way my dad does to people trying to make conversation about more serious things, im pretty sure i wouldn’t have nearly as many friends, lol.

[paragon-yoshi]

The Secret - What truly makes Video Games Good or Bad

If you are not a complete stranger to the internet, I am sure you must have stumbled over many arguments over what Video Games are good or bad. Games like "Starfox Zero" or "Mighty No. 9" are infamous for receiving a lot of hate. While games like "Super Mario Odyssey" or "Zelda: Breath of the Wild" are infamous for the opposite. And then there are divisive titles like "Sonic Adventure 1/2", where people just can't come to an agreement on whether or not they are good or bad. There are enough people speaking for both sides.

Heck one thing that inspired me to make this, was the Video Series "Super Fast Bros", of the "Super Beard Bros", where Jirard and Alex are playing "Sonic Adventure DX" and they talk about their preferences on the game a lot. Jirard loves the game, while Alex couldn't dislike it more. And they both have fair reasons for liking or disliking it. And they are very respectful and civil whenever they discuss that in their video series, which I highly respect. Here is the YouTube Playlist, if you wanna check it out yourself: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLm8aFRzVGLtSaIQ8866ySLHuuyj9pbqgq

But which one of them speaks the truth? Which one of them is right? Is the game objectively good or bad? ... If you are thinking like this... ABANDON THAT THOUGHT PROCESS RIGHT NOW!

Seriously, whenever I see the abominable word combination "objectively good/bad", I wanna vomit someone in the face. All this talk about what makes "Good or Bad Game Design", "exposing haters/apologists" and "delusional people, denying the truth"... All this dictating what is the truth and what is factually false... IT'S ALL BULL$&/@!!!

"Glitches" and "Bugs", "dated graphics", etc. don't make an absolutely bad game. And "amazing visuals", "gameplay", etc. don't make an absolutely good game.

You want to know the secret what truly makes "Good" or "Bad" Video Games? (Or movies or any media in general?)

The answer to that is simple: IT'S UP TO YOU!

"Good" and "Bad" is not absolute! It changes depending on what person you ask. Every single person has their own answer, on what makes good/bad games.

It's up to a persons own personal feelings to decide what game is good for them and which isn't. If you truly enjoyed a game, then you think it's good. And if you didn't, then you think it's bad. Simple as that!

There is another word abomination that I loathe, called "Guilty Pleasures". I hate this term, because it implies you're enjoying a bad thing and you should feel guilty because of it! You're playing a game you enjoy! There is nothing to feel guilty about!

And like I said before, good and bad are not absolute. Ergo, "Guilty Pleasures" DO NOT EXIST! Enjoy the games you like and be happy with it!

"Guilty Pleasure" also, to me, conveys the process of submitting to an "oppressive majority". Knowing that your opinion is opposing what most people out there think and you fear a backlash, because of it. But honestly, @&%/ these people! Don't let anyone tell you, what you should and shouldn't enjoy! Don't let anyone project their own believes on you.

In fact, that's what people are constantly doing out there, on the internet. Worse yet, they are constantly making up rules, on what makes an opinion valid. And if you don't follow their rules, your opinion is invalid and "factually false" then.

This is a dangerous trend I see out there: "Factualizing Opinions".

Since everyone knows that "facts can't be wrong", people are constantly trying to be above others, by turning their opinions into facts, that they "can't be beaten". I don't know why people are having these "opinion wars" over everything these days. And frankly, I don't even want to know. But what I do know is, that you should ignore those people.

"Professional Journalists", "Popularity", "Sales", "Fandoms" or whatever argument people pull out of their butts, to make their arguments seem more factual, to "prove you wrong" or whatever... It's all meaningless!

All these things should never be factored in to your own enjoyment! Because no matter if it's a professional review or a thought that many people share... It's still an opinion with the same value as any other. All these things don't matter. And you shouldn't feel bad, if your opinions and feelings don't mesh with the majority or the "professionals". They don't have to! Your opinion is of no less value, than theirs. Never forget that.

No matter how uncommon or unpopular your own viewpoint is, you are allowed to have it and stand by it!

- You are allowed to like "Starfox Zero", "Mighty No.9", "Sonic 06" or whatever game is universally hated. - You are allowed to dislike "Super Mario Odyssey", "Zelda: Breath of the Wild" or any game that is universally loved. - You are allowed to have your own reasons for liking or disliking, even if they are uncommon or strange. - You are allowed to not even have a reason for liking or disliking. - You are allowed to like or dislike, just based on your personal feeling, without having to put it into words. - You are allowed to like or dislike, even if you yourself don't fully understand why. - You are even allowed to like one game for a reason, but dislike another game for the same reason.

Ultimately, enjoying games is a personal thing, based on your own personal feelings. Each and every person has their own answer and their own feelings. And because of this, again, good and bad is not absolute!

You decide for yourself, what makes a game good and what makes a game bad. Are you the type of person that "strives for perfection" and can't deal with even a single flaw? Or are you the type of person that "enjoys the game for what it is", willing to forgive every flaw the game has, because the good things it delivers are worth it? Or are you an entirely different type of person? Again, it depends on the type of person and the personal feelings coming along with it.

I know I am a broken record at this point, but I can't stress this enough! It's not up to a majority, journalist or whatever other person to decide for you what's a good or bad game. That's an answer that only you can make for yourself. Just as everyone else has their own answer unique to them!

Good and Bad are not absolute! They're a personal answer for yourself only! Respect the feelings and opinions of other people, and believe in your own! That's the secret really. A secret that shouldn't even be one in the first place...

My personal recommendation: If you are really interested in a game, then go ahead and try it out yourself. Ideally trying out a demo before paying the full price first. And if you enjoy it, buy it and be happy with it!

And IGNORE all the journalism, all ratings and all commentaries on the game. It's all propaganda, trying to project their own believes. In a lot of cases, this might not even be intended. But it's still projecting! Don't listen to that, period!

Just see the gameplay, the graphics, the action. Hear the music, the sounds. And feel if this may or may not be a thing for you. And if you made up your mind, get the game and have fun with it.

I actually have a personal example of a game, that was kind of a hidden gem for me! "Go Vacation"!

I first saw this game on "PeanutbutterGamers" Let's Play channel "PBGGameplay", where he and his friend Jeff played the game. But they disliked the game, based on their commentary.

If you want to look at it yourself, here you go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLuDDyuanM4

But I was genuinely interested in this game, based on the footage that was shown. So I bought the game for myself. And guess what? I LOVE IT!

Yes, it has dated graphics and such. But I don't care! I truly enjoyed this game. I even 100%ed it! Yes, I love it that much. And I have no regrets.

That's it really. But I feel I should repeat it one last time: Good and Bad are not absolute! Find your own answer for yourself! Respect the feelings and opinions of others and believe in your own! That's the secret to true enjoyment!

This is Paragon-Yoshi! And be sure to always enjoy what you like! :3

Auf Wiedersehen!

[themostrandomfandom]

Hi! How would you personally rank the seasons of glee from your favourite to your least favourite & why?

Hey, @sitandsingtoyou!

Since I watch Glee almost exclusively for the Brittana, it’s probably no surprise that their narrative treatment is the single biggest factor that determines how I feel about any given season. 

If Brittana have a prominent, well-wrought arc from season premiere to season finale, then chances are I’ll like said season no matter what shenanigans are going on with other characters or storylines. 

The same is also true in reverse. 

That said, for the purpose of answering this ask, I also considered factors like the overall storytelling (beyond the Brittana of it all), the music, the presence of any standout episodes, general cohesion, etc., when making my rankings.

The final list appears after the cut.

WARNING: Here be strong feelings about Glee and more than a little bit of negativity about its writing and production. Note that the views expressed in this post are the author’s personal opinions based on her preferences, and they may very much differ from your own.

___________

In order from favorite to least favorite:

S6: As I discussed in this post, in addition to providing our girls with the happy ending they always deserved, S6 offers much of the best-written, most fully-developed, adorable, emotional, poignant, and narratively-satisfying Brittana we get throughout the series. We’re talking fanfic quality stuff, and not just in bits and pieces here and there but basically across the board in every episode in which Brittany and Santana feature. While there are a few things I’d change, on a whole, I can’t think of a more enjoyable canonical culmination to Brittana’s journey. As for the non-Brittana stuff, while there are, admittedly, some really low lows—many of the middling episodes of the season are an affront to screenwriting—there are also some suprisingly pleasant turns. Don’t tell anybody, but I actually love most of the New New New Directions and find the storylines that focus on them (as opposed to the adults of Lima and alumni advisers) kind of delightful. While the series finale itself somewhat underwhelms me, the flashback sequence at the end of episode 6x11 totally makes me cry. A lot of this season is about getting back to what made Glee fun and likeable in the beginning: good tunes, camp gags, and stories about a ragtag group of underdogs overcoming adversity through love and music. In general, I feel like S6 does a nice job tying up the loose ends for glee club members old and new and fulfilling the main thesis of the show (“Something is special because you are a part of it”).

S2: Brittana’s S2 storyline is one long, amazing roller coaster ride of emotion. It’s hard to describe exactly what it felt like watching it all play out for the first time as the episodes were originally airing; I hate to use the word “special” because it sounds so quaint, but it’s kind of the only term that really fits. Because the “Sex is not dating” line in episode 1x13 was initially treated like a one-and-done deal, going into S2, no one in the fandom really expected to see a fully developed Brittana romantic storyline—and yet that’s exactly what the Back Six gave us, and each successive Locker scene brought elation, heartache, fear, hope, and continued anticipation. Nothing beats S2 Brittana angst, and especially not the Hurt Locker, which is far and away the ship’s pièce de résistance. Then beyond the Brittana, the rest of the season is generally high quality, at least as far as Glee goes. There’s some nice tongue-in-cheek comedy, iconic scenes, and heartfelt character development, plus episode 2x19 is one of the show’s musical high points overall. As always with Glee, some pitchy moments sneak their ways in and a few episodes beg to be forgotten, but for the most part S2 is Glee in its stride, and it’s held up well over time.

S1: Since Brittana are not yet main characters, they don’t have a main text S1 storyline, per se. Still, when you fill in the gaps, there’s a lot going on with them on a subtextual level, enough so that rewatching S1 knowing what will eventually happen in later seasons will provide a strenuous cardio workout for any serious Brittana shipper. There’s plenty of excellent Heya improv to go around, and the classic “Brittana on the back row” can’t be beat. Plus, Brittana’s mini-arc with Finn between episodes 1x14 and 1x15 is heartbreaking. Still, the reason why I rank this season so highly has less to do with Brittana in particular than it does with overall quality: Simply put, I think that Glee had a better idea of what it was about during the first thirteen episodes of S1 than it did throughout much of the rest of the series. While later on the show would struggle to balance comedy and drama, realism and camp, trying and failing to be all things to all people, in the beginning, it was just an earnest, theatrical little show about nerdy choir kids trying to find their places in the world, and it didn’t take itself too seriously. Though many of the S1 storylines were schlocky—hello, fake Schuester pregnancy!—there were more than enough heartfelt performances and excellent character moments to balance them out. For instance, for as much as I generally dislike Finn, the “I’ll Stand by You” scene in episode 1x10 is so well done on every level. Whatever Glee became in its later seasons, in S1 it was at its core still good. It hadn’t forgotten what it was all about yet.

S3: Now we’re getting to the bottom of the barrel. I rank S3 fourth on my list not because I really enjoy it all that much but because it’s less terrible than S5 and S4, at least imo. The season’s biggest issue is that it’s all over the place in terms of quality. Sugar was a blessing, but Rory not so much. Likewise, on the Brittana side of things, there are some really high highs—our girls officially start dating! they share their first on screen kiss! they have a fabulous time at their senior prom together!—but there is also the giant bugbear that is Santana’s “coming out” arc, which is awful on so many levels. The writing and characterization for Brittany and Santana vacillates wildly throughout the season. In some episodes, like 3x04 and 3x13, it’s really great. In others, like 3x16, it’s utterly headache-inducing. And it’s not just our girls who suffer from spotty writing throughout the season; Quinn’s storyline is a complete mess, and Sue is an unbelievable Yosemite Sam caricature of herself whose exploits are so exaggerated that they make it virtually impossible to suspend one’s disbelief enough to enjoy her scenes. While the Troubletones are a musical highlight for the whole series—and the “Rumour Has It/Someone Like You” mashup is the best musical performance in all of Glee, hands down—a good soundtrack doesn’t make up for some of the season’s more glaring deficiences, and especially not the way Santana’s storyline was treated both inside and outside the universe of the show. Though there are a handful of S3 episodes I will rewatch for my own personal enjoyment, there are many that I’d prefer not to recall. S3 was the first season of Glee to bring in new regular writing staff beyond RIB, and with all its inconsistencies and the disuniform quality of the episodes, unfortunately, the inexperience really shows.

S5: With the exception of episodes 5x12 and 5x13, I hate almost everything about S5—and, yes, that includes the majority of Santana’s NYC episodes. I get that Heather Morris was largely off the show during this season, so it’s not that I blame TPTB for pairing Santana with Dani or making her Hummelberry’s sidekick. It’s just that it breaks my heart watching Santana repeatedly throw herself against a brick wall as she tries over and over again to win Kurt and Rachel’s friendship and trust, always to no avail (see here and here). In theory, Hummelpezberry could have been a really fun brot3—god knows that myriad fanfic authors have been able to pull it off to great effect—but in canon it never really worked, largely because the writers were reluctant to stop using Santana as a convenient heavy whenever they needed to generate synthetic conflict in an episode, even though she had long since ceased to function as an antagonist in terms of her narrative arc. While there were plenty of zingers and jaunty musical numbers in the Loft, I could never really enjoy them because the happy times never lasted. Santana was made to feel like an outcast in her own home, and for someone who loves that character as much as I do, it hurt to see her feeling so lonely and ostracized. Once she ran off into the sunset with Brittany, things took a turn for the better. Still, there were really only a handful of bright spots overall. Anyone who’s read TKTD knows that my second favorite ship on Glee is Samcedes, and I did truly enjoy the cute little romcom that was their 5B storyline. I also loved the Sancedes and later Brittanacedes friendship moments on the tail end of the season. But in general, everything felt strained and disjointed, and my ultimate sense is that the tragic early loss of Cory Monteith proved an insurmountable hurdle for the season’s creativity and writing direction on a whole.

S4: I liked the production of Grease, but otherwise this season was one long fail from start to finish, and there is not a single episode out of the twenty-two that I at all care to revisit. Though I’ve been able to rationalize and justify and meta my way through the Brittana arc, doing so is just more intellectual and emotional trouble than it’s worth. Throughout S4, the depiction of every established character including our girls seems OOC, some to an incredibly noticeable degree. Sam Evans, whom I loved in S2 and S3, absolutely gets trashed, going from a goofy, lovable dork to idiot Finn Hudson Version 2.0. Episode 4x04 represents one of the worst and most misguided writing decisions I’ve ever seen made on a primetime TV show. That a group of professional screenwriters would sit down and say, “Let’s break up three of our flagship couples not for any good or compelling narrative reason but simply because we want to ‘spice things up’ and see how our heavily-invested, emotionally vulnerable, primarily teenaged and young adult audience reacts!” boggles the mind, as does the fact that they were then surprised when their viewership numbers dropped off dramatically thereafter. I do want to say that I liked Marley Rose, Unique Adams, and Kitty Wilde, though I otherwise found the New New Directions kind of meh. Overall, this season is the one that seems to stray the farthest from Glee’s original premises and spirit. There isn’t much that’s fun, triumphant, or satisfying. There’s just a lot of racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, cultural insensitivity, bad writing, and miserable story arcs in scads.

Thanks for the question!                                  

[askshalvanic]

Yume Nikki rant/thoughts

Ahh, Yume Nikki, one of the most renowned RPG games in history. While certainly not as nearly as popular as Undertale, it does have its spot within the RPG community, and some people like the game, hell, there’s some who find it inspirational or even life changing. Now, the problem is… I don’t really share this opinion or thoughts on it. In fact I don’t like the game very much. I didn’t really enjoy it, and to be honest, I immediately uninstalled it and wanted to forget about it the moment I was done playing it. The reason for this was that it was mostly a negative experience. I did have a few moments that I enjoyed here and there, so it wasn’t all that negative, but about 80% or so of it did make me think “can’t wait for this piece of shit to be over”. Now, I know this might be an unpopular opinion, but I really, REALLY don’t like Yume Nikki.

I may draw some comparisons to Bioshock Infinite in the sense that this masterpiece of a game that almost everyone and their grandmother consider worthy of a TEN OUT OF FUCKING TEN doesn’t really bode well with me either (I say this mostly because I feel that I’m in the minority when it comes to the people that have played this game and not loved it), and I honestly consider these two the games that I am not willing to play ever again in my life. But this ain’t about Biocunt Integrate, it’s about the dreadful world of Yume Nikki.

Also, I guess as a fair warning, SPOILERS AHEAD IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED IT. This was more than anything meant to be a self reflection on what I thought was wrong with the game, and thus ended up mentioning a lot of spoilers, so if you want to play it blindly, go ahead before reading this, you might take a while though.

I’ll start with the things that personally I liked or made me have some form of respect for the game because it’s easier to list those reasons given there are very few positives, and because I want to get that out of the way first. I guess the positives would be that I liked the atmosphere the game had. It was unnerving, and scarier than most games that claim themselves to be horror games and only rely on cheap and predictable jumpscares and nothing else. And Yume Nikki literally just has some fucking sprites and dark rooms, and yet it’s one of the most disturbing and honestly creepy things I’ve seen. The soundtrack’s just a bunch of looped sounds that doesn’t last too long, but it still adds something to the feel of each world that makes it different from the others. The world designs too are amazing (except for Hell) and each of them looks interesting in their own way. The fact that each effect had its own little details whenever you used them was also pretty cool. The lack of a conventional way to tell a story and just leaving things for you to interpret was an interesting choice from the dev, and the fact that Gast- I mean, Uboa, which is one of the most interesting things about the game isn’t central to the story or you don’t even have to see it to beat the game is actually really cool. Overall I guess it is safe to say it is a pretty unique and well thought out game in general, and I respect it from an artistic point of view.

Now, for the obviously much bigger list of negatives. See, my first problem with the game is how overly complex some things in it are. Several of the events are RNG based, so you basically have to get lucky for some of the most intriguing or interesting moments in the game. Then there’s also the fact that not only events, which are completely optional so there’s not too much of a problem, but also one of the fucking effects that you need to get is tied to an RNG, meaning that you better get lucky and get it at the first try because otherwise it’s gonna be waking up, going to hell, go through the previous world before that one and then get to the actual world again, hoping you get the right one this time. I get it for events that you don’t even need to see to finish the game, BUT FOR ONE OF THE STEPS TO GET TO AN EFFECT TO BE RNG? I sincerely find that pretty bullshit and unnecessary. But that’s a minor issue I had.

The bigger issues are more or less tied to the existence of Hell itself. I mean, it does justice to its name, its a fucking torture to go through it, not only because if you take the wrong turn at any point or don’t have any reference of where you are going or are constantly looking at a fucking map you WILL get lost, but also because it’s so stupidly bright red that after a while of being there your eyes will scream for mercy, and you will more than likely spend a long time in that place, if not because you got lost, then because you essentially need to go through it more than once if you want to actually beat the game. Some people may think it adds to feeling of adventure and danger and excitement, but I simply find it annoying and a nuisance. Essentially, this game isn’t for overly impatient people. You complain about loading screens? Boy, get ready to meet HELL. Admittedly, you do get to do a lot more during the travel from point A to hell to point B, and there is danger there, but I would rather sit through a few moments of a loading screen than have to deal with the bright as the sun red tone in the background designed to either drive you insane or to completely fuck up your eyes, and once you get the stop light effect, the toriningen becomes kind of irrelevant at the price of walking at a normal pace. It can be fixed by just looking at a map but even then it’s still an eye sore and even with the map you can get lost, which happened to me a lot, and the fact that you NEED to go through hell in order to get to other worlds for their respective effects makes it all the more annoying and sigh inducing whenever you see the multi-shaped little shit portal that takes you there.

Another major issue is perhaps the fact that if it wasn’t because a wiki exists or because I had help through most of the game, I would have never figured out where to even get the effects, which ones I was missing, how did they look like or how to get to neat little events that were honestly quite interesting and well made. I know that’s what some people might find charming or the whole point of the game really, to find it out by yourself, but to be honest I would have given up eventually after being unable to find any more stuff because it is all so hidden. I can appreciate when a game goes out of its way to be mysterious, when there’s stuff to find, when it is challenging, but honestly, most of the stuff in this game is far too convoluted for me to give it a pass on that. Aside from the instructions, you are pretty much on your own and therefore entirely fucked. Hell, I would have thought the minigame with the console was somehow important or it would give me something interesting at the end, but reading “nah it’s just a jumpscare” made me realize a lot of this game would be confusing or I’d believe something would be important when really its not. And having somewhat of a trolly person as your guide doesn’t help much either.

Speaking of which, my guide and friend also took part in what makes me not want to play or hear anything about this game ever again. Because of the way he hyped up the ending, even when I started to hate the game a part of me thought “the ending will probably be worth it” to keep going on. The ending, do it for the ending. I’ll talk about the ending later, but needless to say that part of me was wrong, and the ending was somewhat overhyped  him. This was a minor inconvenience however when compared to the one thing that even made me stop mid stream and say “I’m done” and then close the game out of the blue. The god damn insistence on me having to play the game one way, as opposed to how I want to play it. Yes, I might have missed some events that were interesting, but given the fact that he tends to trick me into thinking something when really something else is going on already had me mistrust his guidance to a certain degree, and had me looking up shit on my own to confirm if he was saying the truth. I honestly felt after a while that I was being forced to do things one way instead of doing them by myself and the way I wanted to do it, that is why it was more of a chore than a game, I felt like I was doing some sort of homework that I had to finish at some point, I felt obligated to do it and that made me hate more than anything, the fact that I felt like I HAD to finish it as opposed to wanting to finish it. Feeling forced to do something makes you not want to do it, especially when someone keeps banging over your head “DO IT THIS WAY, DO THIS BECAUSE YES EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT IMPORTANT, DO IT MY WAY NOT YOURS” was a tad overwhelming and made me feel like I was being manipulated and like I needed to do it one single way. Feeling like that sincerely made me want to rush to game, to be done with it, to not have anything to do with it again, and so I did. I started regarding it less like a cool but fucked up game and more like one fucked up homework that I had to do because I had no choice in the matter (sorry if you see this, but you did influence my views in this game a lot).

And this takes me to my final point as to why I dislike this game so much, and this is where I start comparing it to Biodrug Ultimate and its the ending. See, both games have this feeling to me that for some reason if you miss anything or if you don’t do something in specific you will get a bad ending out of however many there could be, because being games that look so creative and unique they probably have more than one ending, right? Well, that is a lie for both of them, but unlike Bioterrorist Influence I didn’t have my expectations high for Yume Nikki. I was already expecting the worst, without much hope for anything because I had Hyoko to tell me at least that there was one and only one ending. And even then the ending still fucked me up, because I didn’t know what, out of all the horrible things that could happen, to expect. And while it was leagues better than the shit show Biodunked Ontimate had to offer for one of the most disappointing endings I’ve ever seen, it doesn’t make it any less depressing or empty. By the time I had finished the game I felt like absolutely nothing that I had done was worth it, like the journey to get here had been void and meaningless. This wasn’t disappointing because I was already expecting nothing from the start, but it did upset me because I had learned nothing and I left with nothing but a bitter taste. Yes some events were pretty cool, same with most of the worlds, it was an interesting concept of visiting a girl’s consciousness through her dreams, and since most dreams tend to be fucked up it would make sense for hers to be pretty bizarre as well. But what was about the effects and about her dreams that drove her to suicide? What did she feel like after exploring all over her own mind and dreams that would make her do that? Why? WHY?! To top it off, I actually felt like it was me the one that drove her to it. Digging so far deep into her consciousness that she felt the only way to deal with her problems was to end with her own life, and that I was the one that pushed her off. I don’t care that she doesn’t actually exist, I don’t care that this all a videogame that I ended up hating, it’s still all so fucked up and it feels awful that with the press of one key I was the one that made her jump into the abyss, never to return again or dream again. I felt empty, sad, upset, thinking about why did things have to turn this way. I hesitated for a while to even make her go up those stairs, but I feel like in the end my own desire to be done with it all, to close the loop, to never come back to this game again made me do it, because I know this is a game, I know many others before me and many more after will press that key to send Madotsuki crashing against the pavement down below, but that doesn’t make it any less horrifying or fucked up that I sent a little girl to her own death. I never did the Genocide Route in Undertale because I felt that after having establishing a bond with such lovable and interesting characters I’d be guilty of not only betraying their trust for my own amusement but that I would also take away that feeling of uniqueness and of having such well thought out and caring characters that sincerely made me cry at the end of the Pacifist Route and turning it all into dust, into void, only to get to that one boss battle that everyone keeps praising and that turned Sans into the actual joke that he’s become now within the Undertale Fandom. But that is a rant for another day. The point is, I didn’t do it because to me Undertale is much more than just an RPG, more than just a game, it meant a lot to me and I cared deeply about the characters, to the point of not wanting to murder them, even though I know its a game and it won’t matter either way in the real world, I feel like not caring would make me even more of a twat, and even though I didn’t enjoy Yume Nikki, that still doesn’t mean I wanted Madotsuki to die. Even when I sent her forward I had hoped for there to be something that saved her or for her to actually not jump out of the balcony even if I told her to. Fuck me for having nice thoughts I guess. Oh I also did make the choice to be a nice Madotsuki that didn’t murder anything even though my friend was insisting that I should be the exact opposite of that but whatever.

In the end, I guess the bad things do overweight the good things for me as far as this game goes, and I still feel this sense of emptiness when I think about it. If there is a message, I am unclear about what it is. The world of dreams is incomprehensible? If you dig too far into your unconscious you won’t like what you’ll find out? No matter what you do the outcome of things is inevitable? That death is the true ending for everything? Life and dreams are meaningless? The more I think about it the more it feels like I’m straying away from whatever meaning there is because it all felt so pointless and just not worth it that I can’t find a meaning to all of it. Like, what was the point of driving Madotsuki to suicide? What was the whole point of gathering the effects if she was going to end up dead anyway? Would anything have changed if I hadn’t looked for the things? Nothing changes no matter what you do in the game, so then what does it matter? Did it happen because she was on a quest to find herself and who she is within these dreams and was unable to find it so she then killed herself? I just don’t really know what the point of it all is, and this is exactly my problem with Bioshock 3: The Electric Boogaloo too, after all I did, and all I went through it seems as if thought it was pointless, like I shouldn’t even have bothered if I wasn’t going to be able to change anything for better or for worse.

[sammoizq]

“What did you love about #5 anyway?” I interjected. “I don’t know… he is just perfect. And I love him so much,” “But you don’t know what it is that you love about him?” “It’s just.. the feeling when I’m with him. It always felt right with him. He made me feel loved and I loved him too,” “That’s it? Just a feeling? .. something more specific, maybe? I mean, if you thought he’s so ‘perfect’, then why break up?” “Because I’m just not good enough for him? I don’t know..” she paused. “What is love to you then…” “Hmm.. to me, being together or in love with someone should be more that just a feeling.. it should also be about mutual understanding, acceptance, respect, commitment and trust.” “That’s what all couples would hope and want their relationship to be like. But expectations and reality don’t always go together..” “Or maybe.. someone’s just not trying?” “Well if you think love is so simple.. why haven’t you been in a success relationship?” “I never said love was simple.. but I guess the reason why I’ve never been with anyone yet is because.. I already know exactly what I want,” “You have.. a checklist?” “Sorta. It’s not the typical kinda ‘I’d like a girl with long hair, pretty smile etc’ superficial checklist though,” “Oh. What kind of list is it then?” “It’s like.. a concept of love. Of what it is about a girl that will make me fall completely in love with her. A concept that has more than three specific reasons that would answer any question as to why I love her.” “You have a concept of love?” she laughed. “Love isn’t a theory.. you can’t just classify love by a concept or definition, you simply feel it with your heart..” “But you see.. the reason why I think there are so many broken hearts, is because people merely jump into a relationship when their heart feels a certain something towards someone. But I don’t think that’s love, that’s merely an infatuation. Personally, I believe there are more than three reasons and aspects that actually determines whether we really are truly in love beyond the superficial ‘I don’t know why I love him/her.. I just do’ reason,” “I call it the 4+1 theory. The aspects that will determine if it’s true love or just a fickle infatuation. It’s based on this idea that whenever we like someone, if we really go deeper into what is it that draws us to him or her, we’d be able to find that one specific reason. That’s not love though. That’s merely an attraction or infatuation. But when more than three of the aspects from this theory are present, you’ll be pretty sure that it’s more than just a feeling. For me personally, this determines if I’ll ever fall in love with a girl…”

Mind. Heart. Body. Soul.

The mind aspect, to put it simply, is her intellect. But I don’t mean the academic smarts.. it’s the way she thinks, processes and analyzes things way beyond a shallow self centeredness. It’s the way she puts across her thoughts, not for winning an argument’s sake, but to really try to understand or even sensibly debate opposing views that might leave anyone reflecting on her words or challenge me to think differently. It’s the way she carries herself off with an aura of sophistication and enigmatic charm and no matter how much I might think I already know her or have her figured out, she’ll still surprise me with something unexpected. Good surprise. I like intellect. Personally, it takes a little more to intrigue me and stimulate my senses. If I can connect with someone and talk endlessly about the concept of nothing, then, only then, will we be able to talk about everything else.. and I think that’s incredibly alluring,” “Ooh.. so my best friend’s sapiosexual too,” she teased. “But what about her likes and dislikes or like her personality.. does that go under the mind aspect too?” “Well, that’s where the heart aspect comes in. The heart represents who she is by what she values or cares about. The things she likes, the things she dislikes. What really matters to her, as well as her insecurities and fears..” She bit her lower lip - thinking. “But what if him knowing about my past and all my insecurities scares him or drives him away? Or what if he ever uses all of these against me if someday things go bad between us?” “Erm.. you do realize that it doesn’t really matter now because whether or not he ever knew, he already chose to leave you right? But.. if he still or ever tries to hurt you in any way, then he is a fucking bastard and I will punch his face, I really meant it.“ “I don’t think he even cares about me anymore,” she sighed, “maybe he never really did.. we were so.. different. I don’t know why I never actually realize it before,” “Maybe because then, you were too ‘blinded by love’ to see, or you chose to conveniently ignore the differences. Honestly though, I think it’s critical for two people to understand each other’s heart and learn to accommodate each other’s differences rather than simply turning a blind eye or deaf ear ‘because I love him and that’s all that matters’. Because if two people are too different in the way they think, behave or live.. I reckon it will become a huge problem when the infatuation bubble bursts.” “I don’t really understand..” she said. “Let me just ask you this.. does he know how passionate you are towards the arts and music?“ “Well, no.. not really. He’s more the sports kind of guy and doesn’t like theater and stuff so I didn’t want him to get bored if I talked to him about things he isn’t interested in..” “Then I’m guessing he probably also doesn’t care or know the little things about you. Like how you’re afraid of the dark and why you’re actually scared of darkness.. how family and relationships are really important to you.. that ice cream is your happy pill. You know, I’m even going to bet that he doesn’t know you go to bed every night, clutching your phone just hoping and waiting for him to text you goodnight..” She started to tear again, but I continued.. “You see, it’s not a matter of whether it bores him or not.. it’s a matter of whether he bothers or not. I mean, if he doesn’t even know these things about you, then he really doesn’t know you at all. How then can he say he loves you?” “But I really loved him,” she murmured softly to herself . “I know you did. I know you still do and it’s hurting you like shit. But you need to know that for any kind of relationship to work.. two people need to give and take. Sadly, with him, it seems like you’re the one who was always giving. If he actually really loved you back as much, he’d make a greater effort to close the gap and bridge the differences between you two. He’d want to hear what you have to say, he would actually consider your opinions, your needs and your feelings. He’ll not just tell you or text you that he loves you.. he’ll show it by the things he will do or be willing to do no matter how inconvenient or silly it might be, just because.. he knows it’ll make you happier or better. To me, when it comes to a relationship, the heart aspect isn’t just a feeling or who you/he or she is anymore. It becomes two hearts beating as one. Two people wanting to understand each other.. sharing the good, the bad and possibly a future together; actually bothering and supporting each other’s feelings, values, dreams, thoughts, emotions,” She stayed silent for a long while before she looked up, holding my gaze.. there was this unspoken tension building before she finally spoke again. “But.. what if something that’s important to me, is not something the guy might feel same way about?” “Then I’ll try-” I caught myself. “I mean, if I were him. I’d try. I’d make the effort.. because it’s important to you and you’re important to me.” She remained silent again. She wasn’t crying anymore but this time, the prolonged silence was starting to grow even more deafening. She finally spoke - softly, “do you believe in love at first sight?” “No.” I said flatly. “Oh..” she sighed. “You know what you said about mind and heart.. it’s actually starting to sink in and I’m beginning to realize that maybe these two aspects weren’t exactly a big part of my relationship with him,” “So what made you fall in love with him then?” “Well.. don’t laugh, but I’ve always thought that with him, it was love at first sight. I mean, there was just this spark between us from the very first time we met,” “Cos he was hot?” I scoffed. “No.. don’t be an idiot,” she tried to hide her smile but failed. I rolled my eyes. “Okay fine, yea maybe that. But it wasn’t the only reason!” I raised an eyebrow. “He was really nice too! And he was always sweet to me,“ she began her defense case. “He always made me feel happy, secure and loved without even having to try, you know?” I just continued staring at her waiting for her to go on. “Oh never mind, you’d never understand..” “Actually.. I do. And I think I now understand what it was that made you fall in love with him. The body aspect. The body aspect is about physical attraction, intimacy and presence. I don’t believe in love at first sight. I don’t believe you can just “instantly know” you’re in love or that someone’s THE one just by “first sight”. No offense, but I think the whole love at first sight concept is bullshit that only exists in movies and fairy tales. In reality, it isn’t love. That very first attraction.. is probably lust. Lust at first sight”. “What nonsense! It’s not like I was lusting over him from the very first time I laid eyes on him! Maybe it’s the case for guys.. I mean, sex is always on a guy’s mind whenever he meets a girl right? But it’s different for girls..” she protested. “Okay. You know what.. since you brought up the age-old guys and sex debate, I’ll tell you this secret to clarify something about guys for the first and last time.. probably 99% of guys are naturally sexual. If you ever meet any guy who tells you he isn’t sexual at all, it’s not that he’s gay – no, gays are even more horny .. he’s likely to be a liar and you should be more wary of him. BUT! Here’s the thing.. even though guys are sexual by nature, it isn’t always the only or most important thing to a guy,” “Really?” now she raised her eyebrow with that annoying smirk on her face. “Oh come on, you girls know how it is, plus you aren’t exactly saint-like innocent either.. sometimes you see a hot guy and you start fantasizing or making statements like ‘omg have my babies’..” “That…” she started blushing. “That.. is exactly my point. It’s the same with guys. We might talk and think about sex a lot more openly than girls but it isn’t always the only thing on our mind. When I said it’s lust at first sight.. I didn’t literally mean you want the guy naked and in bed. What I meant is the momentary attraction or desire– he might be hot, he might be charming, he might have smiled at you that made you feel a certain way.. but that’s not love. That’s really just a superficial physical attraction. Saying “I’m in love” right there and then just completely takes the special meaning out of the word ‘love’. If you ask me, I personally think the process of loving or falling in love with someone involves discovering the person and then perhaps developing feelings. It could happen quickly or over a longer period of time, but not at first sight,” “Hmm.. that does make sense,” she paused and then her lips curled up forming that annoying smirk again. “Oh wow, this is the first time you and I are talking about sex huh..”. “You never asked..” “Tell me then.. what is sex to you?” “Sex.. to me, is merely a physical act. I am not part of the whole “sex is sacred/taboo” camp but then, I don’t take sides with the whole bed hopping culture either,” “I can’t believe you just said that sex is merely a physical act..” she began in a disappointed tone. “But sex really is just a physical act if it’s without emotions or feelings. And that is why I distinguish between sex and making love, the same way I clearly differentiate ‘loving’ and ‘being in love’ with someone,” “Oh.” this time, she smiled. She understood. “Don’t get me wrong.. I think physical intimacy is very important in a relationship but for me, the one physical aspect that matters the most.. is the physical presence. That, is also what I reckon made you fall in love with him. “Okay this, I really want to know…” she said. “The physical presence is simply being there. You want him to be with you. You want to be there for him. Because just being there with or for each other makes your day, or you as a person, a little better. You may act or behave a little different when you’re with him, but in a good way – in a way that you actually feel completely comfortable, safe and you. Perhaps even without you knowing, you smile more and laugh harder. You feel real, genuine joy. And even on days when the smile can’t happen, you know you don’t have to pretend to be okay or be self conscious in front of him; because its perfectly okay to be the way you are and feel when you’re with him. He cares about you and you feel loved when you’re with him. Sometimes, there are no need for words or explanations.. just his presence, him being there for you, holding you.. makes you feel better or believe that it’s going to be okay again. Because you’re not just holding on to someone for attention or sympathy.. you actually feel and believe that you’re holding on to a part of or the rest of your life..” Which leads to the fourth aspect – soul. The soul aspect to me, is the deepest form and the final affirmation that should answer any remaining doubt or questions as to whether we’ve truly fallen in love with a person. It’s when you start noticing but still appreciate all the other little things, even the flaws - especially the flaws. It’s when you truly know a person stripped down of all their walls, exposed to their soul and yet still accept and love him or her. It’s a level of understanding and acceptance that goes beyond the “honeymoon everything is perfect” period. It’s when you finally realize this one person is someone you can always and want to tell everything to, and you want to ask and know everything of him or her as well. It’s when you actually want to share your life and trust your secrets with this person; and you can. This someone is the first person you think of when you’re happy, sad or when something significant happens. This same person is someone you can call at 1am in the morning and they’d drop everything to make time for you, staying by you till the sun rises or you’re better again - as you would for him or her as well. This person cares and will listen. Will really listen, giving you their undivided attention and genuine love; not necessarily every time but any time you need him or her. This one person makes your problem their problem and they go through it together with you just so you don’t have to go through the pain and tears alone,” It was at this moment, for the very first time, she looked at me in a different way but said nothing. “You see, the soul aspect..” I continued, “is when you start to see and want to share the rest of your life with this one other. And not in a clingy “I can’t live without you” way, but in a way that I can still live my life without you as I have before I met you, but now that you’ve come to exist in my life, I see the possibility of a life with you and now I actually want to make decisions and live a life, continuing to create more moments and memories together with you”. “Well.. so.. have you met this one person yet? I mean, I’m sure it’s almost impossible to find that ‘perfect’ girl who fulfills all of your four aspects of love right?” she mumbled. I could barely hear her. She wasn’t even looking at me anymore. “No, it is not impossible and I don’t think its asking for too much. You see the thing about these four aspects is, we often and will find one or two aspects in many different people. And that alone may be enough to make us attracted to them or develop a crush on them. But really, that is not love at all. If we like a person because “he’s cute” or “the way she thinks”, that’s just us liking the body and/or mind aspect of a person. The reality is, we are always going to meet many people who possess these different aspects of mind, heart, body or soul. But on a rare occasion when you do meet someone who possess all these four aspects.. you’ll almost definitely know that he or she is not one of many but may just be the one. So personally, I won’t settle for anything less unless she possess more than three qualities." “So what’s plus one?” she asked, still not looking at me. “Plus one…” I trailed off – unconsciously. “Plus one.. is something only the one who’s meant to be will ever know and hold the answer to”. end. - Truth be told, it was a story written as a confession and answer. (copied sharing from Matthew Zachary Liu)