#Bc how else can anyone improve / learn more etc etc

[stuckinapril]

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[randomprose]

ok hear me out. let's pretend for a hot second that mo guan shan's glo up isn't bc of OX's improved art style over the years. bear with me here.

what if 19 days but in he tian's POV. mo guan shan looked like that (regular, average, like general canon fodder) the first time we saw him because that was how he tian saw him then and then as the story goes on he gets prettier and prettier because he tian is starting to have a clearer picture of him. you know how your eyes and sight adjust and familiarize certain views, faces, things, etc the more you're exposed to them? he tian sees mo guan shan more every day, actively seeks him out, and spends more time with him and his eyes...adjusts.

that's how he tian gets to know mo guan shan. that's how he realizes that beneath the callous exterior and the perennial scowl, mo guan shan is actually this kind, hard working, compassionate person who loves his mom so much and actually cares about people.

and overtime he tian realizes mo guan shan is actually...pretty cute?? and the more he tian spends time with him and get to know him, mo guan shan just progressively becomes more beautiful until one day he tian wakes up and mo guan shan has become the most gorgeous fucking thing he has ever laid eyes upon and it becomes a Problem.

not because he tian can't take the realization (well. ok. there was that time he lost control but he learned quick and he promised not to lose control again. he doesn't want to hurt mo guan shan after all. not anymore. he knows better now) but because he also figured out that mo guan shan is actually pretty fucking gullible and soft hearted under that tough facade and surely he tian isn't the only one who's figured this out?? clearly it's not the case because how else can anyone explain she li's obsession with mo guan shan??

and of course he tian has to do something about it. what else is there to do? what else is he supposed to do but take it upon himself to stick to mo guan shan and make sure he's safe and taken care of and no one takes advantage of him (except he tian occasionally and harmlessly. mostly).

it's not love at first sight. it's gradual. it has foundation. it's built upon shared moments (some soft and warm and fragile, some harsh and biting and cruel) and that's how he tian knows it's real.

and if mo guan shan grows to care and feel for he tian the same way...well. that's just a bonus.

[storytellering]

if it's okay, would you mind sharing your art process? your style is SO gorgeous dude. keep it up spardacest nation!!!

Thank you so much anon, and of course! I kinda posted about it on twitter a while ago, but for anyone not also on there, here's a paraphrasing of what I said there! (under a cut bc it's gonna get a bit long)

(speedpaint video from procreate mostly bc like I also said in that post, it's one of the few pieces I've done entirely on procreate and thus entirely recorded kdfjhdk I usually don't do the sketching + painting parts on there but every now and then I get lazy and want to get it all done quick in one program lol! It's not as good as it would look if I were using krita to render (which is what I normally use) but it gets the idea across decently of what it is that I do)

The short version of my process is: sketch, clean up sketch for lineart, then flat colors, then paint over the flats (i make the flats my shadows and paint on the light), then a multiply layer for skin details (like lips, eyebags, etc), then an overlay layer for skin transparency details (red over the ears/nose/fingertips etc), then i do hair over the lineart, then a multiply layer with the contact shadows in a light beige/grey/neutral tone on top of everything else, and then i unify layers, paint over the details, and color correct the HELL out of it The longer version is: SO, first of all, I will say, my entire process for a finished/fully redered piece is pretty scattered and uses a lot of different apps, because after many years of trying out different drawing apps I found that I just worked better when I could incorporate the parts I liked best from each individual one rather than having to adapt to another app entirely! In total, what I use is: autodesk sketchbook and procreate for the first half I do on my ipad, then krita and photoshop on my computer when I'm actually rendering (but any photo editing app instead of ps will do, I'm just used to photoshop bc that's what I learned as my first drawing app WAAAY back in the day lol), and then meitu on my phone for color filters (also any phone editing app with filters in it will do), AND also optional just for references: blender and daz3d on computer + magicposer on my phone The actual step by step of what I do: First of all, if I want to do a detailed, well rendered piece I will start by getting my references ready. That means either just grabbing a screenshot from the game if it's like, a simple portrait, or a photo reference, taking a picture of myself in the right pose/lighting, and if it's something more complex I will recreate the scene in Daz3D to simulate a realistic lighting, OR even just blender (i have the game models for the dmc characters downloaded, so I can just pop them in, pose them and change the lighting to get a realistic idea of what shadows their faces will cast in that specific angle/lighting.) Note: references are pretty essential to me, and there's nothing to be ashamed about for using them! Personally I don't struggle a lot with the drawing/sketching part of art, but my tiny little pea brain cannot fathom how to make an object 3D in my mind, and how to visualize shadows realistically... thus the reliance on 3D programs to do that for me, and then all I have to do is draw what I'm seeing lol. My art improved significantly ever since I started making 3D refs so I could get /exactly/ what I needed - there's still a lot of leeway you need to learn though, because as realistic as the lighting will be in a rendering program, you'll never really get a fully natural looking image, as far as stuff like the body stretching/squishing/pulling when it's in movement, facial expressions, folds in clothing/fabric, etc... so really it's more a guide than something meant to be followed 1:1.

Then, once I'm confident I know exactly what I'm gonna draw/have the idea in my head, I start sketching it in sketchbook. Not really getting very in depth, just blocking out rough shapes - I like sketchbook and to be on my ipad for that because it feels very reminiscent of traditional sketching on paper to me, which while I'm not super confident on my traditional art abilities, I do get the most natural/fluid/non-stiff figures out that way. Then when I think I have the general idea ready, I export the sketch layer as a png and import it into procreate - which is where I kinda start picking at the sketch and polishing it like i'm carving it out haha. Lots of liquify tool, flipping the canvas to check if it's even, blending out some of the lineart to help out with the rendering later, and then polishing up what was once the sketch into serviceable lineart. I usually reimport it back into sketchbook at this stage - while I like procreate for drawing I don't love the brushes I can use for lineart there, and so I usually only draw the "base" naked figure in there - when I'm in sketchbook I use a hard pencil to refine the details, then on a separate layer add all the things "on top" like hair, clothing, etc - usually I can get it pretty easily in one go, and once I'm satisfied I erase the naked body under the clothes and unify the lineart layers. Then I will just do the flats with a hard brush, turning the lineart layer into an overlay layer and coloring things in with the shadow colors. At this point, I export the file as a psd and import it on my computer - I give it a once over in photoshop first to see if there needs to be any adjusting (like whether any layer that has an effect needs to have a different effect, if all the colors look right since the ipad screen isn't the most faithful, if i wanna change the background color, etc), and once I think it's ready enough, I open it up in krita, where I do the actual bulk of the painting/rendering (as to why specifically krita: it's because I've gotten very comfortable with the brush/painting brush dynamics there and cannot seem to get as good results anywhere else, it's just the goldilocks spot of a brush for me haha.) If anyone's curious, here's the brushes I usually use for painting:

The one in the middle is my go to painting brush, left one for tinier/more refined details, right one for blending out soft shadows (though I learned the hard way to not overuse it, or it will look like I went ham with an airbrush tool lol). (I don't change any of the settings on these brushes, so if you wanna try out the exact ones I use! Just fresh off how they come out the app haha) I paint on the lights on top of the shadows, and just focus on that for the time being - once I'm done with the basic painting, I'll make a separate multiply layer for details like lip color, eye waterlines, makeup if there is any, eyebags, etc, and then adjust the opacity until it feels right - then I'll make an overlay layer with skin translucency details (like, when you hold your hands in front of a light and see the tips of your fingers become bright orange - many parts of your body are always a bit translucent to the blood underneath, specifically parts where the skin is thin like noses, cheeks, joints, knuckles, etc, and I found it makes the character look a lot more alive to add that subtle coloring in) - then usually I do hair on a separate layer on top of the lineart (because that way I can add small flyaways, more details, etc, and just use the lineart as a guide) After that, I'll usually make a multiply layer on top of everything where I'll add contact shadows in a neutral color (usually pretty pale, it'll be darker anyway since it's multiply), and once I feel like I've rendered everything out properly, I save the psd and re-open it on photoshop.

In photoshop, I'll mess around with the layers a little bit more (changing hue/saturation, opacity, etc), fuck around with the background to make it look pleasing, and once I'm happy with it, I'll unify the layers and start color correcting - usually by duplicating the unified layer and messing with the curve/hsl of the image and then changing the opacity of that edited layer until it's as strong or muted as I want it to be - then I also edit the RGB curves individually and adjust the opacity of that also (because I just really like how it ends up looking if I give a bit of a red/warm tint to the shadows lol), and at that point often I will reimport the finished image into procreate for some finalizing touches! Like, blending out shadows that came out too harshly, painting over anything that came out not the way I wanted it, redefining the lineart if it got messy during painting, and adding any extra small detail that might have gotten lost like catchlights, hair shines, hair flyaways, tears, etc. I also do one last round of flipping the canvas and liquify if needed! At this point, I export the finished image both to my computer and my phone - on my phone I open it up on the photo editing app, and add a bunch of different color filters - I don't hesitate from going completely balls to the walls here, and just kinda applying as many filters as will make an image look pleasing to my eye. Once I think it looks good, I'll export the edited image to my computer - and then open both the version without filters and the one with them on photoshop, and use the filtered version as an opacity layer, and adjust it until it doesn't look as crazy anymore lol. One last step I recently started incorporating was also changing the image to grayscale after I'm done, and doing one last round of curves in greyscale to make sure the values look right, and nothing is getting too lost because the values are too similar (because i know i get a bit swept up in getting repulsed by harsh contrasting lighting and can end up washing out all of rendering if I don't check myself kjdfgk) AND that's it! Yes it's a pretty long and chaotic process, but it's coming from years of trial and error and realizing I can just let myself fo whatever makes me happier with the results, and I don't have to stay constrained to one program if I don't like every tool it has to offer/don't have to accept the final image fresh off the painting app as the "finished" image with no adjustments allowed after, lol. I don't find it takes a lot more time than if I didn't do it this way, but YMMV. Hope this was helpful and sorry for taking so long to explain! I just wanted to give a thorough explanation dfhdkhkx

[lunar-lair]

oh my god i never told you guys abt my disaster twins competitive pkmn players concept. one sec ill put it under a cut for you bc this might get long lmao

so basically. gen 9 came out, and the boys, in their recent-switch glory, were like omg hell yes. game time. donnie and leo both get violet and mikey and raph both get scarlet (theyve got their own games bc they would tear each other apart if they had to share physical copies trust me) and generally trade around exclusives and chill etc etc. also while im on this leo picks quaxly, mikey is a toss up between fuecoco and quaxly, raph picks fuecoco obvs, and donnie picks sprigatito, as does april when she gets her own copy of violet later (which she honestly only chose for the loyalty points lmao she likes karaidon better)

anyways i was saying. donnie is one of those nerds who like perfectly iv trains his normal ass in-game team and builds perfect compositions around typings and looks up the gyms types n stuff and he was SO excited when he learned abt tera types and how they impacted team comps

leo on the other hand has the messiest type crossover and team comp EVER but still manages to thrash his opponents bc he uses really good movesets and strategies

the twins get into watching competitive videos while they play violet in silence together (hashtag parallel play) until donnie eventually starts commenting on weird stat spreads and leo eventually bursts out about shitty move choices and weird sets, or leo starts showing donnie videos abt odd pkmn getting high in latters, and then they start watching showdown battles...

and they lightbulb.

donnie loves building teams more than anything else, loves making them efficient as humanly possible.

leo loves showing the potential of odd pokemon and would kill for a good strategic challenge after all this time (hes been protecting against nemona and using electroweb against gym leaders, poor guy).

and, well, its not like you need anything special to get on the ladder in violet...

they start out simple, donnie building a basic team and leo reviewing it before going at the basic gen 9 ladders.

they kind of wreck house.

they just start going at the ladders with that team in their free time, then a different one when they get bored, then one with a few oddballs when donnie decides to ask leo what pokemon he wants to use, then they get kind of bored of just paldean pokemon so donnie gets to work understanding showdown...

but while its fun, they dont have anyone to brag to, because their brothers have no fucking clue what theyre talking about.

donnie has experience with youtube, right?

so they set up a little joint thing; a channel called disasterx2, no webcam, just videos about ladder battles. they end up specializing both in unique teams and movesets and in just vids about breaking down walls in ladders with a normal team. what makes both nifty is that donnie explains the whole team comp in a separate video to the battles, and the aesthetic quality is improved by donnies sensibilities and mikeys input (he was absolutely excited when they asked him to help with it. leo was no help. so much offense, actually, i have a feeling his fashion sense is good but the moment you try to make him make something look good visually on its own hes screwed.), and leos strategies are batshit, and ofc the boys are the boys, they go on tangents sometimes when they do real-time audio during battles and sometimes they just. dont cut them out. raph and mikey make guest appearances sometimes, april cheers them on on occasion, her and raph are very relieved bc its finally something non destructive they can spend their time on, its all great.

leo very often picks pokemon and movesets out and then donnie provides the pokemon (through breeding and stat spread tweaking, because god knows hed love that nerd shit). donnie likes it because 1. how leo uses those outlier pokemon is very interesting and 2. it gives him an opportunity to think about how to apply the right stats, natures, etc to apply to the pokemon and moves leo chose.

one of my favorite ever headcanons is that leo gets quiet when he focuses. like, dead quiet, and terrifyingly quiet. hes well known in their fandom for being very chatty over voiceover and then pretty quiet whenever hes playing challenging battles. donnie doesnt understand the strategies all that well so when leo gets too focused he just talks a lot abt the stat spreads and they add extra text to the video lmao. sometimes they utilize their clueless family members to have them ask questions they wouldnt have considered due to their knowledge in videos, sometimes donnie snags mikey while leos too quiet when theyre doing real-time audio, etc the fam knows theyre just glad theyre having fun

looks around flips through my mental notebook. nods twice. thats it i think! basically i think itd be fun if the twins played competitive but donnie built the teams and leo played hehe. i thought of it one day and it just stuck with me. anyways thanks for sticking w me through this long post that i need to end before my phone glitches out oops

[theropoda]

if i ever find myself lying to myself again about how im normal and have nothing wrong with me other than being oversensitive im gonna show myself my own damn tweets from like 2016 bc That Is Not Normal Behaviour. i guess i keep denying myself the right to be sad about myself and my life because i didnt know anyone else who had it like me, so i didnt have anything to compare it to and just assumed that my life wasnt that bad when it.....Certainly was not good and shouldntve been that way. esp bc the whoooole time my parents way of cheering me up about the situation was "other people have it worse, it could be worse, dont worry it isnt that bad" (in general thats indian culture i think LOL, to acknowledge that your situation is bad is some kind of embarassment almost)

its so crazy though to see tweets of me just entering like high school trying to figure it out like "i have no idea how i will keep living"........Well guess what.......I LIVED BITCH........Life may still be difficult but it has genuinely gotten clearer, about hey imDisabled actually which explains fucking everything, theres people like me out there!! and i feel like the path to a good life is visible to me now i just need to walk it. It looks really fucking ugly and hard etc but knowledge is power and just knowing things about myself that i didnt know back then, makes me feel better i guess. Dont worry lil john you made it :] i can only hope john from 8 years from now feels the same way.

its interesting to look back on this time period, like i was literally just going through My Files looking for oc stuff and just kinda happened across this archive. probably the part of my life where i most severely delt with self hatred and the idea i was a morally horrible person (average 13 year old experience i have learned) that should straight up die....i learned to deal with it eventually, convince myself that im not evil, but its just....interesting seeing it at its worst, before it subsided, and the past few months it's been comin back again except this time its less "im literally evil scum i oughta die" and more "i'm a pretty okay, average guy, but man do i want to be so much more". but i definitely think that's an improvement LOL.

anyways whats the point of this post. just airing out my thoughts. also that it gets better. even if things don't become perfect they'll maybe get clearer. maybe you're not out of this hole yet but you know it can be done. Or something i dunno

[writeouswriter]

hiiii sorry if this is Super weird !!! but i know some people look at their past writing n cringe a little yet also still love it a little but (n this goes out to anyone tht wants 2 answer too!) have u ever cringed at like. recent writing? bc i cannot 4 the life of me look at smth i wrote even seven months ago bc im just so embarrased..... do u or anyone else have advice on how u could overcome smth like this? i know cringe is dead be free n live ur life !!! but sometimes i cannot. help but just. Explode

Not weird at all! Though I'm not great with the advice personally, (clear and concise answers? Idk her), maybe someone else can help a little more as I have lots of lovely brilliant people following me!

But I definitely have cringed at some of my recent writing. I'm always going to cringe at some of my writing and be like what was I thinking, I can't write, while other times I'll be like, wow I actually can write. It's forever in flux. Sometimes, that's just how it is because even in the smallest intervals of time, you're constantly growing as a writer, learning new things every minute, every second, and with every new thing taken in, every new experience or reading or etc. under your belt, you see further into how the gears of writing turn, and occasionally that means you start to perceive more flaws in your own writing, whether real or imagined, because you're looking for them now, you're looking at the embroidery from behind with all the loose strings and stitches, you're looking at the clocktower from between the gears on the inside, watching them shudder and jolt a little unnaturally when most other people just see the face.

For recent writing, it's an especially tough beast because unlike writing from the further past, you're not far enough removed yet, so you still can't really look at it objectively, you're still stuck inside the clocktower, unable to see the view as an outside observer. So, maybe everything is going to look a little wonky regardless of whether it really is or not, and there's not much to do but keep learning and improving from it in the meanwhile, step back for a second, give it time and space, and be kind and patient with yourself as you take a walk around back to the front of the tower and see whether you can still see the gears and everything from there.

My analogies tend to get out of hand and may not be the most solid or helpful, so I'll drop that... but you feel me? Maybe you will still be cringing at it later, but that means you've come further as a writer and can pinpoint how to fix it/improve it or use the experience and observations for your new work, honing in on what exactly about it is making you cringe, maybe it's something with an easy workaround, or maybe with fresh eyes, you'll see it's not as bad as you thought and there's some good in there after all, maybe a mix of both.

Usually, it really is a matter of time. When I posted my first ao3 fanfic last year, I couldn't bear to look at it again, the thought of it made me sick. I had reread it multiple times at various stages to the point where I was just like if it's bad, it's bad, it's out there and there's nothing I can do now, and the thought of it haunted me, like people are gonna think the style is weird, it's ooc, it's this, it's that, etc., aah, but I reread it finally again last week and... it was fine. It was totally... fine. Meanwhile, another story I had been working on, I came back to it after a while and realized the dialogue was stilted and the prose repetitive, so I had to rework it, but that's fine too, no shame in that. It takes a while to find what works.

Anyway, I'm starting to ramble and repeat myself, and my keyboard keys are all sticking because I spilt milk on it the other day, rip, so yeah! That's all I can tell you personally, but if anyone wants to jump on and add something else, feel free! And I wish you all the luck in your writing quest! Take care.

[vioarry]

Hi, I would really want to learn more about rendering because it's what I struggle with the most. Would give some tips or explain how you do it? If you had some time of course. I love your works and you are genuinely such a good artist. Have a good day!!

Thank you! First of all, if i have to be honest, i don't know exactly how to give a good advice on rendering. For me It becomes almost an unconscious process (or subconscious at least).

When i first try to actually do rendering, it was because i accidentally turned off the lineart layer. And i discovered "oh! It brings such a great effect without the distracting of the lineart, but also add up to have an equivocal result" thats when i thought i was missing out something on what i called "render" at that moment.

So rendering is the final steps to improve ur drawing. Simply, the advice on it is trying to find your weakness (something that you can fix in the finals steps)

My personal advice is to focus on the shapes more than the line art. There are shapes in coloring, shapes in shadowing. Further, what i actually mean is, ignoring ur lineart LOL.

For me when i draw i merge everything in 1 subject into 1 layer, treating it as a canvas, it can be hard at first, but trust me, once you get used to it, its actually the easiest way to draw.

For example i can say if i was working with lineart separate to color, i saw something wrong during the progress: like the hands look off or smth, to fix it i need to fix the lineart and fix the color on different layers, its two separate job(even more). Meanwhile with 1 layer only, it becomes so much easier to resize and replace something.

Obviously i don't recommend "let's merge everything!" Because you shouldn't. There should always be some object that would be easier to draw when its laying on another layer. And it's depending on what you draw. The purpose of working on 1 layer is to make thing easier, if its not, simply don't do it.

My second advice is. Welp, trying to copy. You can try to copy a real life reference, start with small object first can help. When you do that you will realize a lot of thing that could be helpful for your works. (Ex: like reflection of a texture, the logical of a lighting, the deep of a layer. Etc etc)

Last advice. Plsssss useeee reference, fuck anyone who say: "using reference is tracing and cheating!" Fuck them. I studied in an art uni, one of the best in my country and all of my teacher would say the same stuffs:"use reference" don't listen to those who doesnt even know art. (Sorry maybe its rude)

You can't understand everything, you don't know everything. Drawing is the same with writing, when you write, do you often have to do research on certain thing ? Thats reference, so why its cheating when you do the same on art.

Brain can trick you, don't believe it. Sometimes it would say: "blood is red" and in fact, nope, blood is almost a black shade, with a deep red at the edge of it depends on the amount of blood when where it lied down. (Yk like how we see our veins look purple and green under the tone of skin, its bc color changes, layer, color theories) When you realize something is unrealistic, take a reference, comparing, its how to win rendering.

Oh ok final last advice, Brain can really trick you, and it also need rest. I prefer draw straight but its just bc i'm lack of motivation to continue the job the next day.

In fact, if you stare at your renderinf for too long you probably can't recognize the mistake in it. When you draw too much, lets your brain and eyes rest, do something else. Come back the next day and you might see it in a different view and everything will be so much easier. (Its also to avoid burn out too)

Ok i have a lot more to say but i realize i might be rambling a bit too much so it gonna end here sjkwksms. Thank you again for the ask and things ❤✨🙏 hope you will be able to find your way soon! And improve ur drawingggg.

[they-are-a-prolife-autist]

a lot of pro choice people are advocating for free birth control, better sex education, contraceptives, etc. but they’re also advocating for abortion as an option when everything else fails. no one wants to get an abortion. but until birth control and contraceptives are free and easily accessible and sex education drastically improves, we still need a last resort (which, in this case, is abortion).

i don’t like the idea of abortion either but i’m pro-choice bc if it’s not my body, i’m not gonna say what you can do with it. as an autistic, disabled, trans man, i am all for bodily autonomy and freedom of choice. being forced to have a baby would kill me, but apparently to most “pro-lifers” that’s okay. almost every pro-lifer i have discussed with has told me that my life is not as important of that of a fetus, a child not yet born, that a life that does not yet exist is somehow more important than my life. i don’t ever intend to have kids or end up in a situation where i could have kids, but sometimes things happen. assault happens. and if i’m in a situation where suddenly i’m pregnant, i’m choosing my life over some cells that don’t even have a heartbeat yet.

i agree, we should live in a world where rape isn’t a thing, birth control and contraceptives are free and accessible to everyone, and comprehensive sex education is available. but, we’re not going to be there for a long time. we need a failsafe. people like me, who will die without access to an abortion if needed, need a failsafe.

normally, this debate about abortion isn’t just about abortion, it’s normally just about controlling bodies of uterus-havers. and that’s not okay. i’ve heard many pro-life politicians say that we don’t need birth control either and that there’s no problem with rape or sexual assault, just that we need to learn to “not dress provocatively” and “not to put ourselves in those situations”. those people are not talking about abortions, they’re about controlling our bodies. because when i was assaulted, i was wearing sweatpants over basketball shorts and a long sleeve shirt under a hoodie. nothing provocative about that, yet i reported it, i was told that i should not have been dressed in any provocative way. those people making these laws and trying to overturn roe don’t care about anyones lives.

if they cared about our lives, they would be stopping rapists, putting laws in place to prevent mass shootings, keeping criminals in jail. they would be charging people for hate crimes and assault, not dismissing the people reporting the crimes as “crazy” or “delusional” or saying that they “deserved it”. they don’t care about people’s lives. they just want to control people’s bodies.

First of all let me just say THANK YOU so much for being respectful in this ask. You have no idea how much I appreciate the lack of “fuck you”s 😅♥️♥️♥️

I love that there’s prochoicers REALLT advocating for the other choices, I just absolutely hate that this “last resort” is what the major majority content themselves with and fight life and limb to defend. I think it’s exactly what the men in power want. We’re down here fighting for this scrap- this bandaid non-solution that ultimately benefits more men then women, meanwhile dealing with the the real issues gets postponed again and again. Think about it. Workplace discrimination still happens and people get to say “well she chose to keep it. It’s on her.” Fathers get to walk off scot free without taking any responsibility for their kids because “she chose to keep it.” This is dehumanizing for women and puts this impossible choice on her shoulders, to suck it up and deal with the injustice, or to abort her baby to continue existing in a man’s world. I recently wrote a post about why Amazon was coming out in support of abortion. It’s not because they care about womens rights and freedom, are you kidding? It’s AMAZON! It’s because somebody is hugely benefiting from women NOT being mothers. The abortion industry is at its heart, a product of capitalism.

I’m sorry prolifers have said those awful things to you. I know there’s a many people in the community who are definitely delusional, misogynistic. I’ve found that typically the loudest people in every group are the most hateful and the least correct. I think your life has value and i have a number of friends who’s very lives would be in danger if they got pregnant. I definitely don’t believe that one life is more or less valuable than the other and I will always hold that every effort should be made to protect and preserve both lives. I do know that in cases where two lives are simultaneously at risk, doctors already focus effort and priority onto saving the most viable patient. In pregnancy cases, the priority always has been and always will be the parent. This was a truth before roe too. Anyone who wishes differently, is foolish and not an acceptable representative of the Prolife community.

(I’m personally a Christian but I definitely recommend Students for life, secular Prolife, or Prolife feminists, for a more accurate representation of what the majority of us stand for.)

As far as having a failsafe, again I think abortion as a “last resort” is a distraction that was put in place intentionally because it forces women into this place with no good options and her only choice is to submit to the corrupt status quo, all the while believing she has won because she can just end a pregnancy. I think it’s incredibly devaluing and hateful towards the female anatomy. Society really does despise people with uteruses and ESPECIALLY people the capacity to have children. Abortion isn’t the solution.

I genuinely believe with all of my heart issues like rape, domestic abuse poverty accessible sterilizing services and birth control aren’t just for one group or another to solve because they either reject or accept abortion. I think we all need to stand together and DEMAND better. I really think it’s time to quit acting like abortion is fixing these issues and I think it’s time for people to stop saying “if you don’t want me to have abortion, fix these problems.” We’re contenting ourselves with a last resort to a scenario that shouldn’t exist. I think we as a society can do more and can do better.

As far as “a clump of cells with no right.” I won’t get into it but the following references illustrate the fact that a new human embryo, the starting point for a human life, comes into existence with the formation of the one-celled zygote:

That is from princeton.edu and those are only a few sources listed there. Science has irrefutably concluded that a pregnancy involves a whole distinct human in utero. That’s all I’ll say about that. Again, I don’t think one human life trumps another.

[straytraineraria]

🌈 'sup. i'm aria. unovan transfer student in paldea's uva academy, hobbyist breeder/trainer, and your local catperson ( in both ways ).

🧶 i don't really do much other than just kinda exploring, catching pokemon, n' doing classes. i did complete the paldea dex that one time and maybe stopped a few threats and i may or may not be a supplier of a good few of the various professor's starter pokemon but yknoooow. typical stuff compared to things othr ppl r doin

🌻 my """ace""" ( in many quotes bc i never have consistent teams ) is a meowscarada the head of uva gifted me who i named forsythia. he's showy and loves doing tricks for ppl so i sometimes have him outside of his ball so he can show off. if ur ever in paldea and see a meowscarada in mesagoza chances are it might be mine lol

🔴 you can battle me if u want ig but i dont battle suuuuper duper competitively. like yea i know what evs and ivs are and i try to maximize my favorite pokemons ones since thats rlly cheap nowadays ( bottlecaps used to be sm more expensive ) but other than that i dont do much else

🖌️i also like uh, drawing and writing and stuff like that a lot but i only rlly post abt that stuff online lol. i've wanted to be a musician but learning stuff other than singing is hard, and same w/ game dev stuff. codings hard. but i also play games ofc ofc. i love splatoon 3 n im good at my ursaco shifts >:3c

idk what else 2 put here. uhh. have fun

______

OOC:

hiiii this is a pokemon irl blog :3

anyone can interact. pokemon, pokepasta, rp blogs, non-pokemon related blogs, whoever tf!!! the excuse is just "alt timelines/dimensions" etc for crossover stuff or different pokemon rpers/irl blogs who have diff rules

RULES | ABOUT ARIA ( IC ) | ABOUT ARIA ( OOC )

🌀 the character being played is aria! a 19 year old pokemon trainer ( who is also uh. a catperson. ) enrolled in naranja-uva academy ( specifically uva ) and just sort of exploring the world to find themselves and all. they/he pronouns. if you want more go here.

the character is an AU of my persona based on my playthrough of pokemon violet specifically but is also just generally based on my experience with pokemon - except mixed with if it was in real life. they aren't 100% me bc that'd probably make things weird, but they are mostly made up of my segments and parts hence. them being a sona.

⚠️ most of the way this blog goes abt the whole pokemon irl and related stuff doesn't follow any super specific rules or anything. of course, it follows most of the groundwork of that and stuff, but its a little mixed with canon pokemon a little more so it might be a little more outlandish as opposed to the more grounded ( quote unquote ) nature of most pkmn irl blogs. it's still mostly grounded, just like, everso slightly more akin to the pokemon games for a little more wiggleroom. also whatever the natural catboyism is about. it is not explained nor will be probably.

⚡ "yes and"-ing / improv is very important for any pkmn irl blog but if anything doesn't follow Your blogs canon the explanation is probably just "timeline bullshit" or "don't think abt it too hard" with some specific things ( the fact aria is a catboy just, like, naturally ). u can point these out but aria will just be like "lol? that's always how its been"

🔔 follow me if u r interested... i will post now and again. I do not know how to make good info/first posts.

____

❤️ ooc, i am a young adult and use he/they pronouns.

🐈 i am. also named aria. aria's a self-insert/sona but at the same time not really. it's complicated, but there's enough levels of separation where things won't be weird i prommy.

🐱 idrc who interacts, but do note i'm fine with suggestive jokes but they'll be tagged like that and not taken further than just jokes + i probably won't make them that often? just if smth asks me smth like that or if i see an Opportunity for a joke.

✨ magic anons are allowed but i have the right to refuse them.

📧 asks are allowed and so are interactions, ofc ofc

⚠️ i likely won't tag unreality / high stakes pokereality unless any post feels particularly hard to distinguish, so heres your warning; this blog contains unreality since these blogs r for acting as if pokemon are real!

⛔ of course as always bigots, terfs, prosh/ppers, etc DNI ⛔

anyways have fun!

[problematicfavesareproblematic]

NSFW with Chuck Grant

~ ~ ~

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

 Charles Grant is a walking example of “acts like a badass, is actually a softie” bc BOY, IS HE HARD (lol) TO GET A READ ON. 

When you first start fucking, he doesn’t really have the instinct to stick around after and soak up the afterglow- mostly bc that’s not the dynamic that any of his previous relationships operated under, but also bc he’s like Lieb and doesn’t feel comfortable being vulnerable and potentially having you reject him. He only confidently leaves the first time, and then he judges whether to stay or not on how you look at him as he makes to get dressed after the second time you boink. If you want your space, he’ll go and be back the next day as long as you let him, but if you look even a little bit offended or hurt, he’s getting his ass back in that bed and doing whatever he can to get that sad look out of your eyes.

When he does stay, he’s down to give you whatever he can manage. 

He’s all for slowly kissing you while trailing his fingertips up and down your side, but if you just want to sleep beside him he is more than cool with it (he’ll probably still pet you a lil bit after you fall asleep bc he’s soft for you but shh shh shh don’t tell anyone). The only thing he isn’t very good at doing is pillow talk, especially right after sex. He’s too worried about saying the wrong thing and fucking up what he’s managed to establish with you. 

It isn’t until after he’s shot that he realizes how nice it feels to have someone else take care of him, and when you do so after sex it solidifies the fact that you don’t see him as a burden- you want him and you want to stay. Thank god, too. He doesn’t think he could recover without you (again, not that he’d ever tell you that)

 B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

 Your AhhhhhhHSSSSssssSSSSSs!!!!!!

Oh wow, look at you- owner of the cutest butt he’s ever seen. Can he put his hands on it? Can he squeeze it? Please please puh-lease can you let him watch it jiggle as he fucks you? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, then you’ve made each and every single one of his dreams come true. 

He doesn’t discriminate in his love for butts- he’s an equal-opportunity appreciator of the Majesty of the Female Ass™. If it changes size throughout your relationship, he’ll love it even more. Absolutely shameless.

On himself? He likes his legs- especially his thighs. 

He likes how strong they are, despite how much he hates Sobel for getting them to their current strength re: Currahee. But he gets over it quickly bc oh wow is he happy with their endurance while trying to keep up with you, both sexually and otherwise. The day he realized you could ride yourself to orgasm on them was the day he died and went to heaven and was sent back to sin again.

 C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

 He likes cumming on your pubic mound and then watching it slide down your pussy, thank you very much. If you guys are trying for kids or in a position where you don’t have to worry about not having kids, he’ll cum inside of you happily but oh wow he likes watching it slide down your lower lips. BONUS POINTS if he gets to catch it on his thumb and either stick it in your mouth OR circle your clit with it in order to get you off one more time.

Also, you asking him where he wants to cum on you gets him hot under the proverbial collar. 

 D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

 He’d do literally anything for you if you’d let him put his finger in your ass. He will genuinely kill an individual of your choice if you let him put his cock there instead. What a perv (jk it takes a lot of vulnerability for some people to convey their wants and desires to their partners plz remember that this has been a PSA).

The one thing he’ll never actually tell you about... EVER is that for a little while after meeting you for the first time in Georgia, he started hooking up with a girl who he didn’t realize (until much later) bore a striking resemblance to you. He’d had to end the relationship when he straight-up called out your name when he came (he was a lil drunk, just tipsy enough to slip up) and full-on booked it out of there bc not only had he pissed the girl off, but his shout had woken up her family- namely her very angry father- and barely escaped with his life.

 E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

 He’s had two lovers before you, but one of them was really experienced and patient and bless that woman. All he really has to do is learn what you like and he’ll commit it to memory. 

And you better be damn sure that he’ll use that knowledge against you/for his benefit. 

 F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

 Doggy style for all the reasons mentioned before. Or reverse cowgirl. Or normal cowgirl. His hands + your butt= dream combo.

 G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

 He can be goofy, but more than anything else he likes it when you’re goofy. Chuck can get a little too in his own head at times, which can lead to frustration/self-doubt- ESPECIALLY while recovering from his brain injury. You reminding him that sex is meant to be fun does him a huge favor, bc poor lamb will forget that every so often.

So please, nibble at his earlobe in that way that tickles him. Make a quip at the expense of one of your friends. Mock the silly sound of the moan you just let slip out.

 H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

 He’s not going to groom unless you tell him to, but he also doesn’t feel like you need to groom for him, either. Chuck’s not afraid to admit how much his personal hygiene has improved since meeting you. 

I can promise you that if you’re heavily invested in skin/hair care, he’ll probably be just as into building his own routine. 

 I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

 You always have Chuck’s full and undivided attention during sex, but he won’t necessarily show it unless he gets the guy feeling/you tell him that you want him to be. He’s going to whisper sexy things into your ear, call you a good girl (if not his good girl), and do everything in his power (at the time, at least (he can get a little distracted if you’re doing something particularly sexy)) to make sure you feel just how appreciated you are. He gets more and more confident in his PDA as your relationship progresses, but when it’s just you two? You’ll never meet a bigger sweetheart.

 J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

 Ok, so I’m deciding for you that mutual masturbation is a thing that you’re both into, m’kay? 

I'm also making the executive decision that you really enjoy watching him get himself off. You walked in on him one time, before you’d had sex, and were so stunned that you just watched in rapt attention until awkwardly backing out of the room and slamming the door shut. He’d nearly cum right then and there, and it got you extremely aroused. 

The next time you see each other, at some Georgia bar while on a pass, you offhandedly mention that you wish you hadn’t left and FROM THAT DAY ON he always lets you know when he’s feeling the urge and how you’re more than welcome to watch.

And when you do? It’s always a much shorter experience than he intends bc wow how hot are you?

 K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

 Frottage! Dry Humping! Grinding!

Allow me to explain:

In the months following D-Day, it was quickly understood that being on the frontlines meant having traditional forms of sex were no longer on the table (hehe) for you two. You’d experimented with rucking your trousers down your thighs, his thighs, both of your thighs, and each time it was a disaster (with one of the worst times ending up falling onto Tab after he’d inadvertently opened a door that Chuck had been fucking you against. Chuck had nearly thrown fists when Tab refused to look aware from your bare ass.)

So yall started grinding- quickly finding out that the bunches of fabric separating your bodies not only led to new forms of stimulation, but it also meant that you both started to utilize dirty talk. There’s something about your trembling lips at his ear, your warm whispers of ‘so good’ and ‘is this really all you need, Chuck? Me, writhing on you like this? What does that say about you, you desperate boy??’

Boy’s bought a one-way ticket to Boner City, USA.

PLUS! What a way to keep warm during Bastogne? Everyone is so jealous that they don’t have a super foxy megahot babe like you to grind upon.

 L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

 Hmm…..is saying anywhere a cop-out? Because he’s down for anywhere, he’ll follow your lead and rise to the occasion. Such a perv i s2g.

 M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

 ♫ YOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!! ♫

You have this one eyebrow quirk you do when you’re in the mood, and it just so happens to be similar to the brow raise you give someone trying to outsmart you (which is another turn on for him- you putting some overly-confident sonofabitch back in their place after allowing them to mansplain at you for a little bit. First boner he ever got (since meeting you, obviously) came after witnessing you telling Joe Liebgott to stfu in cutting German after he’d made some off-color comment about your ass.) 

So, more often than not, he'll get a little turned on when you argue with people. Maybe even when you argue with him- who knows? not me. (i totally do, and he totally is)

 N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

 Any sort of pain play, on either of you. 

After being in genuine agony for so long while recovering from all of the surgeries, the idea of seeking any more pain out just doesn’t make sense. Chuck also doesn’t want to see you in pain- even if you’re asking him to make you feel it. You’d both suffered through the pain of hunger, frostbite, insect bites, sunburn, and just war in general (all of which had emotionally taken a toll on him bc he felt completely helpless and hated that he couldn’t do anything to take your hurt away). 

Sex and pain just doesn’t go together for him. Sorry not sorry 

 O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

 He loves having you go down on him, adores the way your eyes look up at him as if you’re challenging him to withstand your beautiful ministrations. 

He also is a big fan of going down on you, but PLEASE PLEASE PUH-LEASE ride his face. Good lord. 

He’s a sucker (teehee) for it- something about you using him like it’s all you keep him around for gets him hot. You also get this certain snarl on your lips when you are getting close that makes him lose his goddamn mind bc WOW YOU ARE SO ATTRACTIVE and HOLY SHIT YOU CHOSE HIM OF ALL PEOPLE? WOWOWOW.

 P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

 He’ll follow your lead/body language in terms of pace. Most sex sessions shift between both slow and deep as well as fast and hard anyway, so he is a fan of both. 

 Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

 A necessary evil, as far as Chuck is concerned. He’ll do them, and he’d be lying if he said that he didn’t enjoy the spontaneity of them, but he would prefer not to be rushed when he’s with you.

 R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

 He was riskier until that one time Tab caught you guys, after which he chilled out. Which you are thankful for, bc you’ve spoken with Lieb’s wife and BOY have those two gotten into some embarrassing situations bc of how risky that kid is. 

 S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

 The longest he's gone is 4 rounds (it was celebratory sex on VE day, with both of you in the best shape you'd ever been in and too high on relief to listen to your bodies. Ya'll were sore and dehydrated afterward but LORD was it worth it.

 T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

 He’d be very open to the idea of toys! On you, he’s automatically cool with it, but it does take him a little bit to get his head around the idea of using toys himself. Again, 40s/50s= somewhat repressed discussion about deviations from the traditional male sexuality- but Chuck is more willing and ready to challenge the societal norms than most. Very sexy of him.

 U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

 He always intends to tease you, but more often than not he gets so turned on that he can’t follow that intention through. You are aware of this and ABSOLUTELY weaponize this knowledge. Get it, fam. 

During day-to-day conversation, however, you both tease each other constantly. It’s been like that since you’ve met each other- always making innuendos and one-upping the other and for some reason that never even went away.

When Chuck woke up and the doctors brought you in to see him, the first thing he told you was that you looked terrible. When you’d replied with a sniff, a smile and a “guess the doc’s were full of shit when they said there was no change in your vision, huh?”- Chuck had smiled so hard it hurt.

 V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

 He’s a choked moan kind of guy. His face gets all scrunched up and his body shakes and he curses quietly under his breath (it’s vv cute and hot, FYI). he doesn’t even try and be quiet on purpose, he just seems to lose the ability to be vocal, tbh. If he’s drinking or if it’s been a hot minute since yall have gotten to do the do, he’ll probably be a bit louder. Like, maybe one loud cry of your name (see: the letter D)

It doesn’t bother him if you make sounds at all, just so you know. If anything, he likes that he’s a quiet cummer bc then he can hear any and all of your sounds.

 W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

 biting your ass while eating you out from behind is *bang* *bang* *bang* *click* *cash register noise*.

Especially if you squeal and smack at him after he does it.

 X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

 Average in all respects but OH MAN does he know how to work it to his advantage. Get ready for a wild ride, my dude. 

 Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

 Higher post-war, tbh. Chuck had had to be on bed rest for so long that he thought he may never get the chance to have sex again, so he totally makes a point to indulge in you every chance that he can get (but he’s cool if you say no, too).

But, as I mentioned in ‘risk’, he’s not going to be humping your leg in public or anything (ok but imagine if you were a dom to his sub and you made him do that holy fuck)

 Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

 He does not sleep very well, poor bb. He will be asleep but his mind will be working through all kinds of things ranging from PTSD to what shoes he wanted to wear to dinner with your parents that weekend. Good thing there’s a remedy to this ailment- your pussy sex with you!

While he can’t konk out immediately, he is able to relax. He will allow himself to get lost in the rhythm of your breathing, the weight of your hand on his arm or your arm wrapped around his middle. He will sometimes nuzzle into you as you’re drifting off to sleep, and when you press a kiss to his forehead he finally feels safe.

~ ~ ~

taglist: @sunsetmando​ @televisionboy​ @now-im-a-belieber​ @tvserie-s-world​ @holdingforgeneralhugs​ @mrseasycompany​ @itswormtrain​ @mrsalwayswrite​ @happyveday​ 

[meibemeibelline]

vongola-shimon parallels and contrasts: another midnight rambling

i was inspired by this comparison of the vongola and shimon kids and i wanted to try my own :)

Tsuna & Enma: kind-hearted boys who are awkward and clumsy and love and cherish their friends above ALL ELSE. but Enma tragically lost his family and was surrounded by the idea of vengeance and as a result, takes his position as Shimon boss more seriously and is more willing to take up the responsibility because he and his family are bonded by shared loss and trauma. Tsuna, on the other hand, is fully bent on running away from it because it scares him and he wants to be a normal kid. in terms of personality i think Enma is a little bit more of a pushover and has a willingness to help strangers while Tsuna can be snappy, has the world’s sharpest bullshit detector, and especially early on, wanted to avoid everyone and everything that was the least bit sus.

Gokudera & Shitt P: complete opposites in terms of self-love* and love for others. a huge part of Gokudera’s character development is learning to be an actual friend (as opposed to a mafioso) and to VALUE his own life as a friend to others and as a person who is allowed to live a happy life surrounded by people he loves. Shitt P on the other hand already loves herself above everyone else, while her relationships with others are secondary. The reasons she lost to Gokudera was bc she underestimated 1) his loyalty to Tsuna and 2) his drive to improve himself (out of self-criticism, contrasting with Shitt P’s self-love that may have made her stagnant and complacent with her current state). She assumed she knew him better than he knew himself.

HOWEVER, what they do share is a past of being rejected by others. It seems that Gokudera responded to rejection by continuously trying to find people to swear loyalty to and follow (all the while devaluing himself and considering himself a tool, being reckless, etc), while Shitt P was basically like “fuck all of em. i only need me”.

*self-love as written about by Amano in their fight refers to whether you can look at yourself from the outside and make an evaluation that you like yourself. that you love your body, that you are smart, confident, strong, etc. i say this because even though Gokudera’s thing is that he ‘doesn’t like himself’ (i.e doesn’t consider himself very strong or smart, which allowed him to see what more he has to improve on), i personally see his character arc as one of self-love in terms of taking care of yourself and valuing your life, but it’s different from what Shitt P considers self-love. Gokudera’s self-love is never explicitly called ‘self-love’, even if it is self-love.

(it got long so i’m putting the rest under a read more)

Yamamoto and Kaoru: What they share is a total acceptance of when they need to use violence. We know Kaoru really, really liked Yamamoto - he openly sobbed as he apologised for hurting him once he found out Daemon had manipulated them, meaning that he never really wanted to hurt him at all. But when it had happened, he very quickly put his personal feelings aside for the sake of the Shimon Family’s mission. And it was in a very, VERY similar way that Yamamoto decided he needed to kill Daemon Spade when he learned what exactly he’d done to the Shimon Family throughout history, when in Choice Arc he literally had a speech about how there was no need to kill anyone (specifically Genkishi) - they were just trying to win the game and go home. Like, the boy has (relative) morals and doesn’t WANT to kill when he doesn’t have to (but will have 0 qualms about it if he does).

Where they differ, of course, is that Yamamoto is confident, outgoing and approachable while Kaoru is very intimidating on the outside but a huge shy softie on the inside. What I loved about Kaoru’s chapter before the ceremony was how he brought out Yamamoto’s nurturing sensitivities. SUPER CUTE.

Ryohei and Koyou: They’re both dumbass boxers. Okay now that we’ve gotten that out of the way WHEEZE (i’m kidding) Koyou is a self-aware and snarky dumbass while Ryohei is a “dive head first into chaos, worry about consequences later” pure-hearted dumbass. And again, that may be from the violence Koyou had to live through as an orphan with a bunch of other orphans. They both love fighting and taking out their shit through sport, and pride themselves on boxing for their families. Honestly, maybe it’s because it’s like 1am but I can’t think of any other differences between them but that’s exactly why they understand each other so well AND why they butt heads so much - THERE’S ONLY ENOUGH ROOM FOR ONE DUMBASS IN THIS ROOM.

Lambo and Rauji: Also opposites. (Child) Lambo on the outside is very domineering and loud, always declaring himself king and that he’s gonna kill Reborn and is running around messing with people. On the inside, he’s...literally just a child. He cries when he trips and when he is ignored. He probably tries to compensate for that inner weakness with his behaviour by demanding attention and being loud tbh. Because of that, his teen self is much more CHILL, and perhaps a little self-deprecating because he’s accepting that yeah, he cries a lot and hates getting hurt and is a bit weak and he’s fine with that bc who can blame him, really. Fighting is hard. Rauji on the other hand seems like a pushover and is willing to be Lambo’s servant and play all his games (even at 3am bc of Lambo’s misunderstanding), but is actually very confident and prideful of his strength - he just doesn’t feel the need to show it to other people all the time. He’s a bit like Shitt P in that way - accepting of himself and doesn’t need other people’s approval, unlike Lambo. But they both seem to be children at heart who love to play.

Hibari and Adelheid: Their similarities are that they are strong leaders who value order and discipline, and are willing to achieve their goals by instilling fear and using physical violence. Adel seems to do it more out of necessity, while Hibari just...loves power (yes I know it’s about his love for the town). SPEAKING OF LOVE, Adel does what she does out of love for the Shimon, while Hibari is motivated by his love for Namimori. Because Adel’s core motivation is a family and not a place, she is the heart of Shimon (Daemon’s words) that brought everyone together and leads them through battle. She has very strong connections with everyone while Hibari’s whole thing is that he’s aloof and simply decides to help the family with a common goal whenever he wants, and is not ever completely tied to them as a guardian. Because Hibari is tied to Namimori and answers to no one, he acts completely out of self-interest, but Adel is thinking about what’s best for the whole of the Shimon Family.

Mukuro & Chrome and Julie & Daemon: THIS ONE’S A DOOZY BC WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT JULIE EXCEPT THAT HE’S A FLIRT SO I’LL TALK ABOUT DAEMON INSTEAD AS THE ARC’S ANTAGONIST?? Daemon differs from Mukuro in that he seeks to dominate the mafia with a ruthless Vongola while Mukuro seeks to destroy the mafia. this meta post about Mukuro made EXCELLENT points about how he’s always been a guardian to the Kokuyo Gang and valued their free will even when he literally possesses their bodies and they are his ‘henchmen’. and that contrasts with Daemon in that Giotto, Shimon Cozart, Enma’s family and the 10th gen Shimon kids are all truly nothing but pawns to him. he does not protect them in any way or value their free-will, in the way he possesses and impersonates Julie (and later Mukuro’s), manipulates the entire 10th gen of Shimon kids, killed Enma’s family to set up his murderous revenge arc (and probably all their families tbh) and tried to kill Cozart because he made Giotto soft, ALL OF THAT for his own goal to build a violent and ruthless Vongola because he uhh misunderstood his gf’s last words (sorry Elena) and couldn’t grieve in a healthy way.

the summary of the Chrome-Daemon contrast is that Chrome isn’t a manipulative asshole. idk. her character arc is about growing into her own power to become more independent and building strong relationships with others as a child who was severely neglected. and the way Daemon treated her that whole arc was dehumanising to a completely new level and it was all because he wanted to get to Mukuro which, interestingly is the crux of both of their characters and arc - free will and independence, as a way of empowering yourself after you are dehumanised by others. i don’t have the time or brain cells to get into it rn but i will just....LEAVE THAT THERE. it just...ig CONTEXTUALISES some of Chrome decisions in curse of the rainbow arc a little more. but that’s more about how did Daemon as a villain impact Chrome’s character arc and her role in the plot than how Daemon and Chrome are similar/different.

i’m honestly not entirely sure about Chrome and Julie...all i can think of is that Chrome is very shy and finds social interactions quite difficult (but is more outspoken and confident post-future arc), while Daemon!Julie tries to flirt with her (and Julie himself likes to chat up and flirt with girls). Daemon!Julie tried to come off as laidback and uncaring about his responsibilities as a guardian, but Adel’s flashbacks reveal that deep-down he’s a sincere person who truly does care about everyone in his own way, and he is like Chrome in that sense. Chrome has always been a caring person (her entire backstory is that she almost died trying to save a stray cat) and has some very, very deep feelings for the people around her that she doesn’t always express.

Julie also seems like a rather crass person while Mukuro is not. Mukuro speaks vaguely and likes to play mind games. you know what they both ARE though? TEAM DAD. Julie scolded Skull for not eating the food Adel made for him while Mukuro is leader of Kokuyo Gang and adopts Fran...so...yeah.

[stuckinapril]

I know studying and learning is your thing but I can't help but feel unmotivated with university. I know I'm extremely privileged to be able to attend it but I always feel like my classes aren't that fulfilling (overall I think nothing would ever be that fulfilling to me) very much wish I were studying something more practical:'( I know there are way in which I can try and improve my life but I don't know if I'll ever be satisfied (I also think the odds of getting those things™ like a good job once I graduate are very unlikely but I'll still try)

And like university makes me feel so bad to the point where I'm almost depressive and want to stay at home, do very little etc

It’s my thing bc I love what I’m studying—and love the act of studying in and of itself! I’ve truly been this way since I was a child, and it really helps that I’ve felt called to science and medicine from a very young age. I also view studying as a fun skill/game/challenge, as opposed to demonizing it into something I have to do but don’t enjoy (a symptom of the US education system for sure, so I don’t blame anyone for feeling this way, but I’ve managed to break past it). Passion has never been the issue for me.

If I ever slacked w school, it honestly always originated from a place of being distracted by other things—phone, people, circumstances… it was never a matter of dragging my feet about learning, unless it was something I didn’t understand right away lmao (I literally hate not understanding something off the bat). Doing hard things attracts me at this point of my life, but it hasn’t always been this way, and isn’t always this way. Everyone has down days.

To not be passionate about what you’re studying is a completely different matter, and something you should absolutely dig deeper into without feeling guilty for doing it. It doesn’t mean you’re lazy or unmotivated. And please don’t let the fallacy of sunk costs stop you. It doesn’t matter how far into your degree you’ve gotten; no time is better than the present when it comes to changing paths. You don’t want to be shackled to something you don’t like doing for the rest of your life. Also consider other factors that might be preventing you from studying efficiently, like phone addiction or other intrinsic problems, and try to address those in turn. Maybe it’s a combination of making lifestyle changes and a degree change, maybe it’s just changing degrees, or maybe you’re better off looking at other avenues. Whatever works best for you.

Overall we’re all very different people, and just bc one path is working for someone doesn’t mean it’ll work equally well for somebody else. I love school, but I can still recognize it’s not the perfect fit for everybody—and it’s very much far from being the only fit. There are so many ways to go about your life these days. No way is inherently better than the other. I hope you figure it out & do what you love friend

[symptoms-syndrome]

One of my pet peeves as a Certified AutistTM/person w ADHD/Medically Verified Crazy Person is like. When someone makes a point like, "x behavior can be bad sometimes" and some other person swoops in like "but that's a thing autistic ppl do!!!" like. Ok? Doesn't mean it's necessarily like. Good.

Autism isn't Better Person Disorder or anything. We're literally just different, not better or worse. We do some things better than some neurotypicals do, and they can do some other things better than we do. That's really it.

Saying like, "it's good to diversify your knowledge/experiences to become a well-rounded person" isn't an attack on the Autistic Community it's just a fact. It's like saying smth like "it's best to be direct and clear when communicating with people" to a neurotypical person. Is it hard sometimes? Yeah. But like. It's our responsibility as humans, even us autistic humans, to try and better ourselves. Just bc something is hard or simply doesn't come naturally bc of this, that or the other doesn't mean it's like. Impossible or going against our nature or whatever.

It also just feels so. Infantilizing. Like someone is patting my head going "it's okay if you only ever talk about Sonic the Hedgehog to people, if people don't want to listen to you infodump for two hours or get frustrated because they can't carry a conversation with you, they're just being ableist! You'll find other friends!" as if like, as humans all of us need to unlearn making conversations exclusively about us and our interests. Like genuinely one-sided conversation like that gets tiring for literally anyone if it goes on long enough.

Growth is hard! Learning is hard! But I feel like it's unreasonable to ask/expect neurotypical ppl to learn how to communicate with us without. Some kind of return. It feels self centered. Not to mention the fact that just. Most people are neurotypical (even if they're mentally ill) and so learning how to be at least passable in conversation/societyTM is. Really important.

This is sort of what I mean when I talk about people online using autism (or any other weirdbrain) as a shield. It almost acts as if neurotypical people are just naturally born Mature and autistic people are naturally born Immature and it's NTs responsibility like a parent to just be okay with and support any and all behavior autistic people (or some random's PERCEPTION of our behavior, I've said it before and I'll say it again that just bc you and all your friends are Fandom Autistics doesn't mean we all are) exhibit even if it's like. Bad and could be improved.

And are there things that NTs SHOULD get used to, support, etc that they don't? Of course! NTs should get used to and support stimming in public, people being harmlessly weird, someone needing more direct communication, etc. But it's straight up weird to be like "all NTs NEED to be okay with and engage with me exclusively relating to others via anime fanfiction" like of course if that's ur thing you should be treated with respect and human decency, but you also cant be surprised when people find it hard to get along with you. I feel like there was some sort of weird transformation from "if someone is being harmlessly weird that's not anyone else's problem and you should still treat them with respect" to "if anyone doesn't put up with any and all behavior x person does then that's ableism" like. Ur not entitled to friendship w people. Esp when this is applied on an individual level when it really is more of a Societal and Systemic issue. Person X not wanting to be friends with person Y isn't the issue, but the grander idea of like. Thinking that people who do/act like A shouldn't be interacted with/cannot form deep connections/etc is.

[nighttimepixels]

TALK TO US ABOUT MASS EFFECT I HAVE BEEN AN INSANE MASS EFFECT/SHAKARIAN TRASH PERSON SINCE 20-FUCKING-11 AND LEMME TELL YOU THOSE FEELINGS HAVENOT TARNISHED A SINGLE FRACTION IN THOSE TEN YEARS OH MY GOOOOOOODDDSSSS!!!!!!!

I DEMAND A PLAY-BY-PLAY UP TO THE MINUTE OF YOUR REACTIONS TO EVERYTHING!!!!

you are so valid and I totally see why everyone I've ever mentioned it to loves the hell out of it

aksdjlsdfj I meannnn if you want to hear my rambling about it then hell yeah

Okay, gonna put this below the cut to save everyone else XD also- since I'm not leaving this Mass Effect obsession anytime soon, if you're not interested in seeing occasional posts about it, please feel free to block the tag "night plays ME"~

(mild spoilers ahead??)

((also for real I mean it when I say this is rambling as hell lol, apologies and no stress if absolute no one reads all this))

OKAY SO Mass Effect 1-

Stars help me, I was honestly hooked right from the start?? Like even in Legendary Edition (the combined trilogy just re-released in one "can play it on one system + minor improvements", for anyone who doesn't know) where it's smoothed out, of course it's obvious that ME1 is a decade old... but the foundation for these relationships are all there and gods I love them already.

Like - Kaiden right off the top is a delightful good fightin lad, what the hell. I've heard that he's viewed as 'bland' by a good portion of the fan community but I dunno, he's a delight and even more complex by the time 2 rolls around and you encounter him on Horizon, it was honestly Ashley I was way more meh about - mostly because before you can learn about her family history/etc, she comes off as hella xenophobic and I was immediately offended for my growing space family that she didn't like/trust all the aliens around, pfff.

(she gets redeemed a bit through further actions/evolving thoughts, but I thought in retrospect it was a bummer that they didn't flip the order there, give her a chance to be liked before the complicating factor of being so rude about aliens >:c that then she could grow from... ah well. Apparently she has a good arc but uh, let's just say I chose Kaiden at the "key junction" in the latter part of the game so I won't be seeing anymore of Ashley uh... anytime soon, haha.)

Garrus??? Is??????? The ABSOLUTE best???????????

I liked him from the start, I'm always a bit of a sucker for a rogue-detective "the system won't bring this bastard to justice, so I've got to" type and all their moral shadiness XD But he just gets better, honestly, and where I'm at in ME2 (right before the Reaper IFF mission, as of typing this, with everyone's loyalty!) I am only digging myself deeper into this hole-

-*wheezing* okay anyways -

Wrex is AMAZING I love fightin' middle-aged krogan bastard, gods. Liara is great too, I'm a sucker for a wlw relationship (playing fem!Shepard, so) - buuuut I'll admit she's a bit more one-note in ME1. Last week while I was still on ME1 I remember hearing (while trying to dodge spoilers) that her arc is really good, though. I think they leaned a little hard on the 'innocent but sexy' sterteotype on her (so despite the yikes aspect of a few of the things I've learned in ME2, lol, I actually really like the complexity that's been added to her character.)

Saved Liara first, so by the time I got to Noveria and had the standoff with Benezia there was the chance to have emotions over Liara having to face her TwT and of course, I made the questionable but quality decision to free Queen Rachni heheh. no ragrets

More than a blow-by-blow of my choices though I totally wanna take the chance to say that even in the mild jankiness of ME1 (goddammit, the Mako.... please..... please just go up this impossible cliff I just want to resource hunt-) the way that the lore, both obvious/key to main plot and the lesser/filler/background/world-building kinds... I just love it. It incorporates it well, you can go ham in the codex learning more, or just dive into the basics - it's clearly a complex galaxy (and they do an even better job in 2 of fleshing it out further), and it never really felt overwhelming. It was pretty natural figuring it all out-!

Plus the interesting implications of resource hunting amongst the sapient races, and the little side missions you better bet I did every one of- there's so much rich depth in the story if you do 'em!! (And that lead with that Keeper side mission...? Looking back, damn, clever foreshadowing-!!!)

And oh my gods, Ilios??? hell yeah. I loved that mission so much, especially having Garrus & Kaiden with me when talking to the hologram/computer, and more than anything, that last sprint in the Mako trying to get to the jump before it closed-???

yeet the boi-

Also mannn I love a good setpiece, and having to go up the side of the elevator, space-side?? such a cool setup!!

Plus it felt good having been Paragon enough (as simple as the good v bad vibe system is, I don't hate it, lol) to avoid one of the Saren fights, ngl. And the er, "second fight" with Sovereign-Saren.... hell yeah

... I'll admit I had to double check my choice re whether to save the Council. I did in the end, but I swear, sometimes the way they phrase things I'm like ".... okay but Garrus is right, defeating Sovereign is more important than these few leaders??????" woops. Listen, priorities, is all I'm saying..... (￣ヮ￣|||)ゞ

'Course later they emphasize (in ME2) that there were 10,000 people on that same ship and I was like well I wouldn't have second guessed if I'd known that, I mean c'mon-

Also I did indeed romance Liara in this one, so I got that scene ;Dc But,,,, I also knew by the end that I was totally gonna romance Garrus in 2 since he's an option then finally,,,,, lemme tell you the guilt as I waffled over whether to romance Liara bc of it. hahaha.

Aaaaand Mass Effect 2-

So I'm only up to right before the Reaper IFF Mission, so I don't know the ending, etc etc lol. That said, I've just finished every side mission I've found with the exception of the Shadowbroker Quest and the Arrival Quest (I've heard the latter basically leads into ME3, and the former is best either right before the Omega 4 jump or in postgame).

So from the start - fuck yeah fuck yeah what a high adrenaline start Shepard noooooo but also yes save Joker aH-

The motion comic too hot damn nice job

I loved this setup, seriously - especially forcing Shep into this situation, having to work with/for Cerberus, and the compelling reasoning given behind "why" they do what they do (I especially found it a good point that the Salarians have the Task Force, the Asaris the Commandos, the Turians the- etc... like, true, when you put it like that, having a similar group advancing human interests/solving human interstellar problems is pretty reasonable...). That said, I love too that it really isn't shied away from how Cerberus is nonetheless fucked up - or its at least done fucked up stuff.

Listen, I still think some messed up stuff is gonna be revealed in 2's endgame......... after that Horizon mission and the Collector's ship???? TIM I SEE YOU YOU SHADY MF-

aaanyways lol...

I'm so so glad on a gameplay level they nixed the Mako style exploration. A few Hammerhead missions are fine and a lot more focused than the slippery ass navigation in that glorified ATV, pfff. The probes are a neat way of getting after similar resources - and more importantly, having good levels and some good hubs (the Zakera Wards, Omega, Ilium, etc) is way way more fun than having a more 'sprawling' space that is.... a lot of empty nonsense, lol.

Then there's the fact that we get Joker right off the bat and you can interact with him so much - and him and EDI??? Get out gods I love them. Kasumi is so right when she says they sound like a bickering old married couple lol. I have a terrible feeling that some shit is gonna happen with EDI..... but I don't think she's evil as-is, at least.

Side-eying the hell out of those "access forbidden" parts of her that she doesn't even know.... and the fact that her AI core has a locked door access................... something's gonna happen gdi LEAVE OUR ADOPTED AI ALONE.

(Also Joker pls stop fracturing your thumb on the mute button)

Also please save me there are so many hot aliens in this game,,,,, the xeno/monsterfuckers really comin' through strong in the sequels............... doin' the lord's work........................................

In general, I love how many levels ME stepped up in two with complexity and interwoven narratives!! Like, to the point it'd be almost a drag to replay ME1, even though it was fun going through it (if occasionally a bit tedious with the cookie cutter rando planet science/mine facilities, lol). Like, just from how fun and interesting ME2 is, mostly! more of all the pre-introduced races, plus new ones, plus more filling in of intragalactic politics, and more interesting implications of all these space-faring races mixing....

Also gods WREX and his planet holy shit,,,,, fuckin' hell yeah my man get their shit together and also adopt Grunt yes good-

And Mordin??? My singing semi-evil scientist best friend forced to confront his choices more than he thought he ever would have???? With some of the best ongoing general report chatter of all the companions??

(when I tell you I choked on my coffee when I talked to him after confirming romance choice w/ Garrus and that 'pamphlet' and 'anaphalactic shot if ingesting-' kajsldkfjsldfjk)

Like, fuck, the fact that they actually dive into the mixed morality and horrors of the genophage, and you can confront Mordin on it, for good reason, yet he still stands his ground, until finally some bits of his loyalty mission seem to... affect him, and I'm guessing might set up things for 3 with him? Unsure, but either way, damn, the fact that they start to dig into it...

And Taliiiii my beloved forbidden alien wife TwT her loyalty mission was SO GOOD. I love how varied they all are?? Getting to defend her and discover what she'd unwittingly been a part of-!!

Zaeed is a bastard but tbh I love that he is and that he's unapologetic in him - and Kasumi omg, best thief. A heist?? Gods, yes- I love our couch lounge chats XD

Samara is..... illegally.......... she's an illegally powerful and beautiful and eloquent MILF...........................

(.... listen I'm sapphic as hell and I'm kicking my own ass for picking her up last aksjdlfksjdfl - but her loyalty mission, damn. And seeing how there's this interesting cultural subset, and the struggle with the Asari in that they unquestioningly accept/respect justicars, but also know that the impact outside their culture is a diplomacy nightmare waiting to happen-)

,.,,,,,T,,, Thane,,,,,

I am weak for morally implicated murder dads okay?? And that voice??? His mannerisms?????? How you first see him, and that prayer after assassinating her...???????? And his history/his people's history with the hanar, gods I love how messy it is, it feels so much more real!

Also Jack is a mess and I love her (and want to get her some therapy, omg), and her and Miranda nearly duking it out after you've done both their loyalty missions??? so good and makes a lot of sense-! Honestly I would love more interactions between teammates on the ship, but there's already so much the devs had to balance I can't blame 'em for minimizing, heh. But suffice to say I also love Miranda and Jacob, even if I'm softest for my alien crew XD Hell yeah Jacob, we'll get loud and spill drinks on the citadel indeed TwT

.... I could write a whole essay on how much I love Garrus oTL Perhaps because he and Tali are the throughlines from 1 on your 2 crew, I have some of the strongest feelings about them... but genuinely, he was one of my favorite companions in the first game, and how you find him as Archangel in two? Getting to help him fight his way out after he's gone nearly 48 hours straight fighting off three gangs alone, jfc. His vengeance quest and what can happen there.... That line? fuck me, that line -

It's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey? I don't know what to do with gray...

How DARE you come for my heart like this, devs holy shit

(also, some other choice faves so far from the series from him include We can disobey suicidal orders?? and This wasn't in my training manual... [in 1, if you have him with you @ th Thorian fight] and his whole.... pop the heat sink - in his romance ;Dc)

asdasdfksadjfkl like I said I can write an essay on him PFFF suffice to say I'm very looking forward to his romance scene and where things go in 3

But yeah gods I'm just gonna keep rambling if I'm not careful lol. Gods I don't even know what to talk about it's all so good and while I can understand people roasting the obviousness of Paragon V Renegade (v neutral) choices/alignments, I think they do a pretty damn good job in 2 of pushing it further - to the point that there were some times that I accidentally got renegade points and I wasn't that mad, haha. There's so much fun in the interactions that I just have a good time anyways~

I have so many thoughts about TIM (The Illusive Man) and Cerberus.... theories evolving galore............... and like, what the hell!! Omega 4 going to the center of the galaxy is such a cool twist, goddamn - though my heart still breaks at losing Kaiden (his line if you haven't romanced him?? about feeling like he lost a limb when he lost you??? holy shit.... but I also can't blame him for not trusting Cerberus to the point of it affecting his ability to trust Shepard... like fuck Shep go after himmmm) I'm really excited to see where that goes since he comes back in 3, and what the fuck happens with Cerberus bc while I love the fact that obviously there are a lot of people in it for the right reasons, doing good work, there are those that are doing the opposite, and I have a very bad feeling about where TIM will end up landing....

All that said though I need to do the Reaper IFF mission (where I'm lightly spoiled as to getting That Boy, but not how/what happens to make it so - just that it's apparently wise to have all your side missions done before getting him...) and the actual Omega 4 jump. So we'll see what happens and what I think about it from there heheh!

.... major kudos and genuine props if you made it here to the end, I am so sorry for not editing on condensing all this, and appreciate you so much ;w;

[bratz-kitten]

hi sexy kitten! i saw your aqua mercury post on ghosting and shit and damn I relate a lot. I’m a libra mercury in 11th and I didn’t even realize I was doing this until recently lol. The thing is I barely text other people bc answering is always kind of too exhausting for me and so I end up not answering for days (or weeks) even if I’m texting with my closest friends? And it’s not even like i don’t wanna talk to them or anything but I’m just not doing it idkkk

I’m also living in my head wayyy too much, like my mind is always, and I mean truly always, running. I think about the people I care a lot but I’m nearly never the one who reaches out? That’s also why I lost contact to a lot of my friends I went to school with for years and it just sucks. It’s totally shitty behaviour of me.

But yeah I’m happy that i got into astrology bc it truly helps me realize my faults and what I need to work on to become my best self. Astrology is truly amazing and such a useful tool for self-improvement!!

Anyways, stay safe my love

i want to say that it’s not shitty behaviour of you. sadly, self-isolation is part of the human condition and i think that making yourself feel shitty for not having the social battery to engage with anyone outside a few people isn’t necessarily a fault. i think what you should focus on is: what brought you to this point? why do you isolate yourself? because only by understanding the root of the issue can you understand why you act like this, and learn to communicate better with others so that they dont feel like your sudden leaves are their fault. perhaps you were brought up in an environment where you constantly had to isolate yourself (lock yourself in your room so you wouldnt hear your parents’ fights, or so they couldnt hurt you, etc) or perhaps some part of you can’t accept happiness and love because, for some reason, you dont feel deserving of it - which circles back to a very low self-esteem. perhaps you feel abandoned so you always leave before you get left, or you use daydreams as a way to escape reality because being in the present is hard. perhaps it’s all of this or nothing and something else, and that’s what needs to be addressed. also i want to say that dont be too hard on yourself because with having to quarantine for a whole year it’s more than expected that you’d fall back into old patterns and behaviors, and communication becomes harder when you’re forced inside your own head for so long. and i do like that no matter your mercury, a lot of people are relating to this because it just goes to show how we might feel alone but we’re all facing the same internal struggles. so yeah, dont be hard on yourself, understand why you feel the need to do this and, also, dont hang around people who try to change this in your or guilttrip you into hanging out with them or start fights over thinking that this is because of them. you need to be around people who understand that it’s not about them but your own problems, and you need to be around people who make you feel safe to come back to whenever you feel ready. i love you and i hope you stay safe as well

[kewltie]

cosplayers bakudeku, where katsuki is famous for his really flashy, overly detailed and complicated cosplay at cons and izuku is a nsfw cosplayer who doesn't do cons but is super huge online. katsuki snubs that kind of low level cosplay bc he thinks it’s trashy and beneath him. then their fandom collides at the biggest con in japan bc izuku promised once he got 5mil follows on twitter he'll do a meet up and katsuki who plan to have the most intricate and best cosplay that year at the con... completely got upstage by a bunny boy in skimpy costume and he's FUCKING PISSED.

despite the fact that Izuku mainly produce is lewd and suggestive content in his cosplay, izuku rarely show his face in his photoshoot except only to his highest tier patreons. he often comes off as bold and confident on camera but irl izuku is a mess of anxiety and insecurity. heavily bullied growing up, he came to hate himself and his own skin bc he never felt good on it. his therapist suggested he start taking photos of himself daily to boost his confidence bc if he's able to take control of how he look and present himself to the world it's a first step.

it started small. just a casual selfie each day as soon as he wake up, no prep and no care. he just want to get it out of the way. then he started to rearrange outfits to go w/ his photos. he moved to posing next and then he bought an expansive camera just to take photo of himself. izuku's insecurity didn't get overcome overnight but lil by lil the boy in the photo blossomed from a gloomy unsmiling face to a handsome bright young man. that was how izuku fell in love w/ the camera and the boy in the photo bc he might not love himself yet but he love the *him* in those photos bc they don’t feel like it’s actually him.

once he got into it, he was hooked. he wanted to take better photos of himself, in outfits he normally doesn't wear (a lil more showy and skin), and in setting outside the walls of his bedroom. he wanted to look good bc it made him feel good about himself. it made him come alive. so he set himself up to learn everything that can help him get better photos of himself. like, he cant keep buying and reusing old clothes in his photo so he learned how to sew. and he knew nothing about how to do make up so he took to watching makeup tutorials!! izuku wasnt interest in styling or makeup previously but in the pursue of the perfect photo of himself he actively consumed every piece of knowledge that came his way. that's eventually how he stumbled upon momo's cosplay youtube chn, watching her tutorials on how she went from the start to finish with one of her more famous cosplays.

that vid opened up a whole new world for him, that there are ppl out there dedicating their time and energy into making elaborate costumes and props just to be someone else, something other than themselves and they were all so beautiful. at that moment izuku realized he could just be someone else for a change--boy, girl, monster, alien, animal, doesn't matter who it is as long as the person isn't him. it was ok. NOT THE MOST HEALTHIEST mentality but it worked for izuku. he followed all of momo's tutorials and started to get into cosplay. it was just something small to help him work on his anxiety and insecurity, but it warped into something that consume him bc cosplay empowered him to do more. TO BE BETTER. be brave in the way he doesn’t quite feel yet.

 it started as something mainly for himself and his battered self-confidence but one day momo made a comparison tweet about her earlier cosplay and her current one, how ppl improve everyday and that they shouldn't be afraid to push the envelope and try new things!!!! so izuku, feeling strangely brave for once, bit the bullet and post a single photo of himself in one of his selfmade costume of him in his now (INFAMOUS) bunny ears boy in short. his twitter had no post before the photo and he only followed momo's acc. it was completely barren.

he wasn't even anybody noticeable and momo had MILLIONS OF FOLLOWERS so izuku won't even register on her radar at all. he went to bed that night a lil happy w/ himself for being that brave but then he woke up the next day and his phone LITERALLY BLEW UP bc momo rtwted his photo.

now izuku's amateur photo got exposed to millions of ppl and gained several thousands new followers literally OVERNIGHT. izuku's nerves went haywire at the thought of everyone looking at his photo and seeing the cracks, his flaws, all over him. he couldn't bare the thought of ppl judging him but momo not only followed him but even said: "you looks so cute and sultry<333! wonderful cosplay work!" and the comments he received from her fans where all kind and encouraging and they want to MORE. izuku never felt so out of place and yet so strangely right where he should be.

this was his turning point. drumming up every drop of courage he has, he'd dm her and they started a friendship that launched izuku's career as pro cosplayer. w/ momo careful guiding hands, izuku learned the trade by a senior in the industry. the kinds of photo he take didn't start as uh, nsfw, but it kinda end up that way?? bc the photos he take are THE TOTAL OPPOSITE OF WHO HE IS—it makes him feel strong and confidence in a way that he doesn't always feel irl like the person in the photo is just a little braver to show a sliver of skin, to pose suggestively, and to make that kind of sultry face in front of the camera. THAT PERSON IS HIM BUT ALSO ISN’T HIM.

cosplay is similar to a theater, when izuku wears his costume he is shedding his own skin and donning a mask to be someone else. that person is the person he wishes he can be, the person he potentially can be if only a little bit. and w/ cosplay even if it's just a moment, just a flash of the camera and only in the photos he take, he can live on unafraid and untouched by reality of his anxiety and fears.

KATSUKI on the other hand started bc of mina. she was big on cosplay and harassed him to make her props for her bc he's v v clever w/ his hands and he likes making shit lol. the more demanding her request were he became the more obsessed to making it RIGHT AND PERFECT. he wanted to be an engineer bc nothing is cooler than building things and taking it apart. cosplay w/ all the things you have to create bc it doesn't exist anywhere else, so he has to start from scratch but he loves a good challenge. it's a great training ground of his career lol

he never intend to be part of MINA'S COSPLAY project but for her bday she requested that they collab and that he would appeared in a photoshoot w/ her. mina doesn't make bday's wish lightly so katsuki found himself cornered like trapped rat. he begrudgingly complied bc they been friends long enough that she can guilt trip him like NOBODY ELSE but katsuki can’t halfass it. if he's doing it, he's putting 10000% into this and be a fucking boss and OUTDO HER IN EVERY WAY so she can regret inviting him. so katsuki ofc picked the most elaborate, technically complicated, and time consuming cosplay. there were lights, electrical works, armor sets, etc, katsuki had to build them by hand to create it. he DEF show up her up at her own photoshoot and stunned every fucking person there.

for someone who has LITTLE TO NO INTEREST IN IT, katsuki went all in and more. ofc that photoshoot blew up on social media and ppl just hammer for more, wanting katsuki to make their costumes and props but he aint anyone's peons!! if he's going to put time and effort into making cool shit like this than he's only making it for his friends or himself. esp now that he saw how ridiculously hard and annoying it could be and that made him loves it all the more. so that's HOW KATSUKI GOT INTO COSPLAY.

after so many yrs of mina dragging him to cons to showoff his cosplay and w/ all the efforts he put into it, it always stunned the crowd. he even win awards after awards for his cosplay, firmly establishing his presence as one of the BEST IF NOT THE BEST IN the community!! so now he came to the biggest con of the year and is prepped for the show of his life. his costume is a dragon w/ glowing lights, functional mechanical wings that flap and even retract to his back!! it's kick ass and he poured hundreds of hours into it.

his legion of fans have been waiting for this project to bear fruit for months since the first sneak peak. the rumors churn around fandom that once again bakugou would place first again w/ his outstanding crazy out of this world dragon cosplay. nobody can top him, right????? when he arrives at the con w/ his new fucking showy cosplay, there as a blitzkrieg of photos ops and fan signing. everyone wanted to talk to him about his cosplay and then,,,,, someone SCREAMS DEKU and the next thing he knows he's left in the dust over some other cosplayer.

katsuki would be lying if he say he didn't know deku. deku w/ over 5 mills followers on twitter and 10 mils on instagrams, he's recognizable name in the community but for all the wrong reasons katsuki thinks venomously, deku who takes skanky photos of himself and call it cosplay bemismirching real hard works of other more serious cosplayers. it IRKS HIM SO MUCH that deku and his kind get the fame and recognition for wearing less, popping a collarbone and showing off his upper thigh in a photo and his fucking fans EAT THAT THIS RIGHT UP. fucking horny ass fuck ppl ruining everything and deku who catered to that shit.

while katsuki had spent months working super hard get this his dragon cosplay ABSOLUTELY PERFECT, nearly burnt his hands trying to get the wires correct, but all deku needed was put on some makeup, smile to the camera, and flashed his killer thighs and everybody THINK IT'S AMAZING. katsuki, in not one of his most brightest moment, decide to quote rtwt one of izuku's photos op w/ a comment: "you must have work reaaaaaal hard to look that good, huh. just making our community proud w/ that shitty ass effort." TO HIS 3 MILS FOLLOWERS bc he's an ass.

his followers immediately jumped on that tweet, blasting deku and his fanbase for calling it 'cosplay' but all it is is just deku w/ revealing clothes and in sexy costumes and OFC DEKU'S FANBASE DOESN'T GO DOWN QUIETLY, attacking back about their elitism and slutshaming. a war was started bc of a single tweet by katsuki who rarely keep his opinion to himself and he didn't know what he unleashed w/ that tweet. the majority of the community immediately side w/ katsuki who thinks that izuku shouldn't take all the attention from other hardworking cosplayer, blasting Izuku and his fans and all the other lewd cosplayers for not being *serious* enough but katsuki had no clue about it bc he just went there to vent and shut his phone after that bc otherwise he get so mad and break something if he think about it.

he got a competition to win!! which by everyone standard he's a shoe in to win first place again but just HIS FUCKING LUCK bc deku has the audacity to enter the same competition as him like he's gonna win at all?? in his skimpy boyshorts and bunny ears and FUCKING HUGE EYES AND RED CHEEKS AND, AND—. fuming, katsuki has every intention to destroy deku in the competition.

just before katsuki head off on stage for his number being call next, deku suddenly approaches him, eyes downcast and strangely shy in a way he didn't think deku who takes spread his thighs ON CAMERA, tells him with a tremble voice, "good luck, bakugou-san, im rooting for you!"

katsuki is kinda ?????!!! but he has no time to think about it bc it's his turn on stage and as soon as he step up, the crowd roars and he basked in the all their screams bc he knew he fucking got it. this is his stage, his world and deku is fucking dirt on the road. after he is done, he went offstage and waited for all the contestants finish and deku is apparently the last but the moment he on stage the crows is on their feet and clapping so loudly as though DEKU HAD ALREADY WON IT. they scream his names and lay their adoration at his feet.

for the first time in a v v v long time, katsuki felt unsure as though his first place wasn't a guarantee, but when it was time to announce the winner: it's his name that they call. which means all right in the world BUT lol deku is the one who won the audience's favorite award. katsuki won the judges' recognition but deku is the one whom the audience love the most and it's just hurt his ego so much bc he never lost anything in his life but this ??? fucking BRUTAL esp when deku is blushing as he hold his trophy but keep glancing at katsuki while at it.

after the contest end, katsuki broke away from his crowd of fans to stalked over izuku's own group, anger licking at his foot and his tongue sharpens for a battle. he is gonna end deku's entire fucking career right here and then.

just as katsuki makes his way through the crowd, he hears a soft and surprise, "ah, bakugou-san! congrats on your win!" deku says earnestly. "i knew you would win! your dragon cosplay is just out of this world and i'm just so floor , so can I-um, would you mind signing for me?"

katsuki stops. his brain freezes up and he lets out an intelligibility, "huh?" as deku stares up hopefully at him and his crowd of fans titters anxiously w/ worried whispers like they thought katsuki came to start a fight... which HE DID, but deku had surprised them all.

"i dont have a pen," he says, like a total IDIOT against deku's wide earnest eyes bc the image he has of deku doesn't MATCH at all with the sweet shy young man in front of him now. the deku he had seen was confident, sultry, and knows how to fuck you up w/ a curve of his lips but the deku he sees now is like a completely different person who doesn't seem as bold and daring as the deku who took a photo of himself in foamy bathwater and a teasing leg poking above the water that PROVOKED ALL KIND OF INCINERATING IMAGES. it's just--DOES NOT COMPUTE!! FUCK

"oh," deku replies, completely crestfallen like his heart is shattered bc of katsuki inability to acquire a pen. "but i-i, think i have something for you to use," he says, looking down at his chest and feels around for something it AS KATSUKI'S EYES BULGE OUT.

pulling out a pen tucked b/t his tight corset, deku looks on happily. "i got one!" and then hesitantly. "um if you don't mind."

katsuki just stares at him, not knowing if DEKU WAS FUCKING W/ HIM AT ALL OR is this actually real. like, is he that much of a fucking ditz and it's not like the fans DON'T HAVE A PEN but they're kinda too focus on watching this hilarious shitshow go down. some of them want to see katsuki blow up, others stand there protectively around izuku, but most just here for the drama after seeing the twitter fallout.

blankly, he just take the pen from deku. "where do i fucking sign?" he grunts.

"Um, my, um," deku goes bright red suddenly, "my chest--well i mean no wait, uh, my arm if that's okay with you? i didn't bring anything w/ me for you to sign. im so, so sorry for the inconvenience!"

katsuki can feel a headache coming on. "Are you fucking with me?!" he hisses. this is clearly some sort of a fucking joke. deku prob plan to set this up w/ his fans to mock katsuki. that lil shit.

deku's fans titters anxiously as deku's eyes widen shock hurt. "i wouldn't--!"

deku in his dolled up face, bunny ears, corset and fuckING TINY SHORTS w/ white fur linings meant to incite you and fuck w/ your heads but katsuki looks at deku's wounded eyes and he knows, somehow, he's FUCKED UP. this isn't the face of manipulative conman. he's fucking real.

katsuki sighs and drags a hand down his face in defeat. "fine," he says, and grabs deku by the arm to the gasping crowd. he quickly writes his name over deku's bicep as his other hand steady his brushstroke, fingers pressing down soft flesh and it sets off fireworks in his head. deku doesn't even move in the slightest, holding his breath the entire time as katsuki's finish writing his name. when he step back, deku looks at the writing on his arm and traces a finger over it, carefully and reverently.

YEA, katsuki thinks, he'd really, really fucked up.

katsuki isn't known for his mistakes, but even he now knows that he had deku wrong all along bc of his egoism and elitism, he'd almost destroyed deku w/ it. fuck, he messed up but, he's not just going to let that sit. he'll fix it. delete the tweet and apologize to deku.

first though gritting his teeth, he asks, "if you're not doing anything else now," stopping for a moment, he cringes at his pussy ass wording, IT DOESNT SOUND LIKE HIM AT ALL. HOW IS HE EVER THIS HESITANT. FUCK. he coughs and looks away. "walk with me around the con."

deku immediately lights up like a fucking lighthouse. katsuki's eyes are nearly blind with how incredibly happy he looks. "oh-oh, really? can i really go with you, bakugou-san?" he asks, excitement and worry warring on his face. "you won't mind right?"

katsuki huffs. "I fucking told you we're going together, why would i take it back then. im not some shithead that would go back on their words," he snaps.

for one fucking dizzying moment, deku's lips curve upward into a slow and blossoming smile and katsuki is knock breathless. he turns his head away, feeling a strange heat rising in his chest. fuck. this is not good, he thinks as he hurriedly walks off, leaving deku behind in rush. he hears deku yelling at his back to wait for him as his heel clicks and clicks in rapid succession trying to catch up.

katsuki slows his step enough for deku to finally be in line of him, who is a bit breathless having to run in his heels. "t-thank you," deku says, sounding grateful for the FACT THAT KATSUKI SLOW DOWN FOR HIM EVEN THOUGH KATSUKI IS THE IDIOT WHO RAN OFF IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Grimacing, "my fault," he grunts. it's not an outright apology but it's enough trigger another smile on deku's face. katsuki is starting to realize that deku is all nerves and hesitation but for every moment of boldness he manages to sum up and is rewarded for it, he's happy. it's such a small and insignificant thing to be happy about but deku takes it like they're gifts and abruptly all katsuki wants to do is be the one is give it to him.

they both go quiet as they continue move around the con, posing for photos and signing things for their fans. their hardcore group of of fans trail them from a careful distance. he recognizes the trouble but confused expression on deku's circle of fans and then there's katsuki's fan who are all looking at him like HE'S INSANE for shitting on deku one sec to now buddying up w/ him.

katsuki feels like he's insane too since meeting deku his emotions had been running amok on a cocktail of anger, confusion, and an undecipherable emotion he's afraid to give a name to. this is all deku's fault. but mostly it's him--his for being such a prejudiced asshole. if he didn't win that audience's favorite award is only bc he WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH not bc deku cheated his way to that win. if ppl like deku better it's bc deku is sweet and GENTLE AND GOOD and katsuki is an idiot for assuming what he wear and how he present himself say otherwise.

he thought mina had beaten these alpha male elitist preconceived notions out of him but the thought of losing to deku had hurt his pride and he lashed out in all the fucking wrong way like a total bludgeoning idiot. he's gonna have to apologize eventually. he knows it. one step a time though.

it's summer in tokyo which means it blistering hot so the AC been blasting nonstop at the con. katsuki with his punk dragon cosplay got his studded scaled jacket on and also he always run a lil hot so he doesnt feel it. deku next him though is trembling a little under the chilly air. he'd been touching himself more, hands running down his arm to warm up everytime they get a break b/t fanmeets and photos but the moment their fans arrive, his hands drop to his side and he put on a profession front.

after the fifth time it had happened, katsuki can feel the throbbing annoyance growing in the back of his head. "cold?" he says.

deku stops. "uh, no."

"so you're not cold in those clothes?" he asks, brows furrowing skeptically. "really? not even a lil bit?"

deku quickly shakes his head, looking down at his outfit. "this is my armor," he says, smiling softly. katsuki doesn't know what to think of those words but with the way deku have been more than sincere w/ him throughout their entire meeting he believes it, believes him.

katsuki frowns, running scenarios in his head and then says fuck it. he cast off his jacket and throws it at deku. "wear it," he orders. "i dont want you catching a fucking cold next to me or your rapid fans are gonna eat me alive." he shoot a glare at them for equal measure.

"oh," deku breathes, hush and so delighted that he's bleeding happiness. "thank you. you're so kind bakugou-san." he pulls the jacket over his body and it nearly swamp him with how big it is, but fuck deku in katsuki's jacket with bare legs poking through is a FUCKING MASS WEAPON.

He realizes in that heated moment why deku is so much beloved by his fans and it’s partly the long pale legs, the bright green eyes, constellation of freckles, and soft, coy smile but really it’s just plain old awkward deku that they all fell for.  He sees it all now, and bitter regrets for his past actions hit him like a goddamn truck and he want to knock some sense into his past self right now. Fucking damnit. If deku who smiles sweetly at him now and who think Katsuki is this amazing ,kind person before him realize what kind of ugly monster he had made of himself earlier on twitter against deku… then that smile will no longer turn toward him anymore and that somehow hurt more than the lost of his trophy.