#Which means I'm suffering gamers

[wayfinderships]

The best part of being in a polyship with P.rompto and N.octis is the fact that anytime I see art of the two kissing I'm immediately all "Fidngkdjfkdk My bfs!!! <3 I'm so happy to see them kissing and being happy!! They're both the best!"

[defrosted69]

My Hype Boy

(A/N: Got this idea off Youtube again and I said why not mix it up a bit Yohohoho)

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You exhaled heavily as the autumn breeze past you by. Your highschool days were closing to an end and you couldn't remember any good memories that you made in school. You know that after high school, everything will be on your own and it will be your decision on what to do with your life. Honestly speaking, you wanted to at least work after your high school days inorder to help your single mother.

Your mother wasn't a single mother before but your father died when you were young because of his heart disease. You didn't really remember his features or any memory he has with you as the only proff you can have is photos of him along with your mother.

Well lately, your mother has been meeting a guy whom she's having fun with. You weren't gonna stop your mother have fun since shr deserve nothing but happiness after what she went through in life. You haven't seen the man but hearing stories from your mother, the dude sounded like a good guy.

You sighed and just brushed those thoughts away as today was the last day of school for the week meaning you have time for yourself. That sweet update from your game was what your aim this week was. You worked hard to review for this week quizzes and you feel like you actually did great so why not relieve yourself and embrace the pleasure of gaming.

You were infront of your door as you opened it and called out your mother.

"Eomma I'm home-"

"Y/N! Good timing. I want you to meet your step father."

Your eyes immediately looked around and sure enough, there was a man beside your mother who had plastered a kind smile. He wore glasses and in your opinion, he looked like a business man which you presume his career is connected to an entrepreneur. Your gaze then shifted to the small girl who was peaking behind her. Her gaze at you looked like a scared cat as this made you nervous for some odd reason.

"Y/N, this is Doyoung. He's gonna be your new step father."

He offered you a handshake which you complied by. But your eyes immediately shifted towards the girl behind her. Something about her made you self conscience of yourself. Your step father must have seen your gaze as he smiled softly and introduced her shy daughter.

"Ah, She's Kim Minji. She's my daughter. She's a shy girl but she can't speak."

This made you confused. Your eyebrows furrowed a bit as Minji slowly hid herself behind her father once again. Seeing your confused face made your mother chuckled a bit as she was the one who explained to you.

"She's suffering from aphasia Y/N."

"Ah I see..."

"I know she's preety but you gotta understand her condition got it?"

Your mother's stern voice only made you sigh as you nod your head. After a few greetings here and there, You finally made your way to your room and turned your PC on. Your phone buzzed and you were already aware that your friends are waiting for you so you hopped on to the game and saw them all online. Being the typical gamers they are, they began to tell you how you suck at the game when in reality, your KDA average was at 15-4-9. It wasn't at pro level but it was enough to carry your teammates aka your friends through ranked games.

Being able to enjoy the time you have playing games made the time move faster. For 30 minutes that you feel like playing, but in reality, time has moved 2 hours from when you started playing. The orange sky has turned off and everything outside of your window has turned dark as the clouds dissappeared and was replaced with twinkling stars.

A sudden tap on your shoulder startled you as you jumped out of your seat. Your hearted raced to the max as you looked behind you and you saw a frightened Minji shivering in fear. You immediately removed your headset and tried to calm the girl down.

"I-It's okay Minji. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry."

We weren't really sure on what to do but if there was one thing that you learned in school is that you should be a gentle speaker to someone who's quiet or someone who is anxious. Minji was showing both signs and you had hoped you have calmed her down and it did helped her for a bit. You noticed how she stopped shivering yet her eyes still showed worry. You then noticed how she was holding a plate of food and this immediately got you the idea why Minji came to your room.

"Ah, Sorry I couldn't go down for dinner. Did you make this?"

She slowly nodded her head as you smiled brightly at her. You were thankful that she made you dinner but you also felt a little bad that a stranger made you your food. You were a person who always pay your debt and right now, you were indebt to Kim Minji.

"Thank You Minji. I appriciate it. Ummm.. I know it's weird for me to ask this but do you have something in mind that you like? Like food?"

Minji gulped as she gave you an anxious stare. You weren't able to read what she was saying because she can't really speak. She then placed your plate on your table as she pointed at your PC Screen. She looked down embarrassed and held the cloth of her pajamas tightly. You were no idiot as you immediately got the hint of what she wants.

"Ah, you wanna play the video game?"

She nodded her head slowly.

"Sure. Do you want me to teach you as well?"

She looked up at you rather quickly as her eyes widen in surprised. For the first time since earlier, the anxious look she showed dissappeared and were no longer visible in her face. Instead, excitement and joy showed on her face. She did a small hop from her joy which you couldn't help but chuckle at her cuteness. You left your seat to which Minji slowly occupied it. She looked around your PC and was amazed on how your keyboards were flashing color rainbow lights, add in some figurine on the side which added some aesthethic flavor on your setup.

"So do you have any background of the game Minji?"

She slowly nodded her head which caught you by surprise. The game was for all obviously but it was rare for you to see a girl take interests on such game considering how toxic the game chat can be sometimes. Your shock suddenly turned to worry as you quickly muted the chat along with voice chat as you didn't want Minji to get exposed by the toxic words that can be labeled as a the world's biggest crime sentence known to humanity.

You watched from behind as Minji plays your character and mind you, your character is no easy task. They say that your character you choose was only used by the professional players especially in the esport tournament because of how complicated it is to master it. Even with your 6 months of using the character, you still haven't really realized how to properly use this character properly.

But as 5 minutes of speedrun gameplay, you just witness a pro level user use your champion as if it was nothing. The combos Minji unleashed were all so on point and was so effective against the rival team and the supposed 20 to 30 minute gameplay just ended in 15 minutes with Minji having a KDA of 15/0/6. Zero death and the MVP of the game. You were silenced by her gameplay as Minji removed the headset and looked at with her preety eyes.

"Oh my god... That was so amazing!!"

You exclaimed as Minji's eyes widen seeing you jump from joy. You were all smile as you clapped your hands congratulating her for her splendid performance. But instead of seeing a smile from her, she only looked anxious and scared as this confused you. She suddenly stood up and sprinted out of your room leaving you perplexed and filling your thoughts with so many questions. That happiness that you felt immediately died and was replaced with worry.

"Did I do something wrong?"

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"You definitely did something wrong."

Your friend Soobin said in a matter of fact tone. You groaned as you laid your head at your table. Soobin was one of your friends in school and an introvert unlike you and Yeonjun who were extroverted. You realized that Minji must be an introvert after meeting her so you decided to ask for help with another introvert and that's where Choi Soobin comes to play.

"Why? What did I do wrong?"

"Hmmmm. Well for starters she isn’t close with you yet. Either that or she's not used to compliments or such."

The last part of his essay got you intrigue. You couldn't understand why she wouldn't be used to compliments when she herself looked like a girl who's always complimented by her father or even her friends.

"I didn't know there was such thing."

"Well now you know. But who's she anyway?"

Soobin's question got you sweating profoundly out of nowhere. Soobin wasn't an easy opponent when it comes to lying. His sharp eyes and good skill on observing people is what makes it difficult to find excuses to dodge him. You weren't just gonna simply say that you have a new sister living under your roof as this will make things more difficult for you as it is with her.

"An…old friend of mine."

You tried to cover your unsure answer with confidence on your voice. This skill was developed when your were in your first year as you made unsure reasons to your mother to play video games instead of learning and it worked somehow. This skill of yours was something that Soobin wasn't aware as of the moment as he just shrugged his shoulder.

"Ah, that explains it."

You silently sigh a relief knowing that Soobin took the bait for now.

"Wait, one reason could be that she was bullied before and she lost that sense of trust or something like that."

Now that was a wild and interesting take. Pondering about for a while, that reason could make such sense considering she has a disability.

"It must have been tough for her."

Your heart soften imagining how Minji must have felt being bullied because she can't talk nor speak out her thoughts. This somehow angered you as you clenched your fist in anger. The thought of Minji getting hurt didn't sit well with you as Soobin noticed the burning flare on your eyes.

"Calm down Y/N. You look like you're about to kill someone."

"Ah, Sorry."

Soobin's words snapped you back to reality as you exhaled a deep breath. There was no point of you getting angry at this moment as you weren't even sure if she was being bullied from the start. In fact you barely know anything about Minji at all. The only information you have with her is that she's a good LooL player. That's it. Not even her contacts was in your phone.

"I'm such a terrible brother to her."

You sighed but you turned your attention to apologizing to the girl after school. The first thing that entered your mind is offering her a bunch of food. Mainly some snacks and some chocolates for her. Maybe you can add in a few drinks as well.

"Hmm.. Should I buy some drink? But what does she like? Hmmm..."

Once the school bell rang indicating the end of school, Yeonjun and Soobin stood up together as their eyes signal one another. They have plans today to hangout in Soobin's place as they turned their attention toward you. But instead of finding you smiling towards them, your seat was empty and they caught a glimpse of you leaving the class in hurried manner. Yeonjun found it strange as he was about to rush towards you when Soobin stopped him.

"Hey, Yah, Soobin. Why are you stopping me?"

"Just let him be. He must be helping his mother at her shop today."

Soobin knew that was far from the truth yet he had hoped that was enough reason for Yeonjun to believe in.

"Ah, is that so?"

"Yeah."

"Oh well. Guess it's just the idiot duo again."

"Don't add me into that."

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Making your way at the local store, you contemplated on what flavor of filled bread you were gonna choose.

"Hmm? Will Minji like chocolate filled bread or will she like the strawberry one? Hmmm..."

You could only sigh as this was quite a troublesome problem for you. But then you realized something that could solve your problem.

"Why do I have to choose 1 when I can choose both? God I'm such a genius."

You chuckled to yourself and placed the 2 bread unto your grocery basket and went to the drinks section. Upon arriving, your eyes wandered seeing there was a lot of variation of drinks that you can choose ranging from water to juice and the like. But your main focus isn't some water or factory ready juice. No, your focus was the milk flavored section. Choosing between Strawberry and Mango, you grabbed both since you like mango and strawberry as well.

You thought that you have enough money to pay for your stuff, you were surprised by how much the foods cost as you couldn't believe how it exceeded your allowance. Worst part of all this is, is that you forgot your wallet back at home and your pocket money is only for 26175.00 won. the total food cost was 35678.00 won which was more than your pocket money. You had no choice but to remove what wasn't necessary as you choose the strawberry filled bread and Mango milk drink. This was a giant bet as you weren't sure what Minji really liked.

You left the store feeling a little dissapointed by yourself but nonetheless, you were still determined to apologized to Minji. You began to start the trail towards your home but a sudden though made you visit your mother's stall and saw her working alone. Your mother had own a small chicken stall near the neighborhood of your home as this small stall was the reason why you are attending school in the first place. You smiled entering the shop and greeted your mother with a happy demeanor as you hugged her warmly.

"Hey Mom."

"Oh. Y/n. How's school for you dear?"

"Preety boring. Nothing new."

"Really? Well have you had dinner yet?"

"Not yet."

"Why don't you sit down and I'll cook you some chicken wings."

"You don't have to Mom. I'm still full from the little snack I ate earlier."

You pulled away from her as your mother chuckled at your behavior. You then placed the food on of the store's table as you began to help your mother sweep the floor or even clean some tables. This was your task everytime you visit her stall as this was the least you can do to lessen her work load.

"Ah, By the way Mom."

"Hmm?"

"About Minji. I actually have no knowledge about her and I feel scared that I may fuck up my actions towards her."

It was a question that you really need an answer for and no one is better than to ask than your own Mother. She sighed a bit as she closed the cash register and looked at you.

"Doyoung told me that Minji suffered Aphasia due to bullying. She was seven years old when her school bully pushed her on a river and her head got hit on a rock. The doctors told him that Minji was lucky to survive the fall and hit on her head but it did cause her to lose her voice. Since then, Minji has been home schooled her life keeping her away from the harsh reality of schools."

That immediately saddened you as your shoulders slumped down and your facial expression showed nothing but sadness and pity. Minji wasn't just a shy girl, she was a traumatized girl that couldn't properly let go of her painful past. You finally realized what you did wrong towards her as she wasn't used to being complimented by other people beside her father. This also add that she must have been traumatized of people cheering for her thinking they were behind her when in fact, they couldn't care less about her.

Minji was just all to stunned to take everything that you did for her as she wasn't used in that situation at all. You sighed heavily as you smacked your head realizing how much of an idiot you were towards her.

"I'm so stupid! Damn it."

You cursed yourself for this kind of behavior but this also added more motivation towards asking for forgiveness towards her. So after a few minutes of fixing and cleaning up the place, your mother has closed the shop and both of you walked home. Upon arriving, you immediately went towards the supposed room of Minji. Your heart was beating fast and this made you feel anxious as hell. Sweats began to form on your forehead and hands as the nervousness began to take over your body. You took one deep breath and you mentally prepared yourself for what you will face.

You knocked on her door 3 times and called out her name.

"Minji, are you there? I.. I just wanna apologize to you."

There was a few seconds of silence and just when you were about to knock the second time, you heard the door click open as Minji peaked through door staring at you. You gulped as you realized how scared Minji is towards you. You mentally slapped yourself for being an insensitive prick towards a girl who's so afraid of the world around her. With a deep breath you bowed towards her in a complete 90° angle bow showing how sorry you were.

"I'm so sorry for acting so irrational towards you Minji. I didn't know that I scared you with my actions and I sincerely apologize towards you. I failed as a big brother and I would understand if you ignore me or even hate me because I deserve all of it. I didn't consider your feelings and that was a big problem from me. I have learned my lesson and I hope I can still be a good big brother towards you."

You were glad that you didn't stutter with your words as you hoped that Minji would get your point. But you were also afraid that you could have said too much for the girl. The silence that the atmosphere carried was so heavy that you couldn't help but look for a bit and you were suprised to see Minji crying while staring at you.

"Oh shit! Oh no, oh no. Oh no, oh no. What do I fucking do????"

You were completely scared as to why Minji suddenly started crying infront of you as you quickly fixed your posture and tried to think of the solution you could possibly do. But to your surprised, Minji wiped her tears and pulled out a pen and paper as she began writing on it and she showed you what she wrote.

"It's not my fault why you're crying? Then umm.. Why.. Did you suddenly cry?"

She began to write again then showed you after she was finished.

"I was just touched by what you did Oppa. No one has been this kind to me other than my father"

You wanted to cry as well seeing how harsh the world was towards Minji. She was such an innocent soul yet the world hated her for being such an angel. It was this day you swore to protect and help Minji get past her trauma of people and nothing will stop you from protecting her no matter what.

"Ah by the way Minji, I bought you snacks you might like."

You gave her the strawberry filled bread and the milk flavored drink as Minji squealed in delight. She jumped a little as she hugged you suddenly which caught you by suprised. Minji hugged you so tightly and felt the sincerity in her hug. You stroked the hair of Minji and chuckled happily.

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TIMESKIP: 6 MONTHS

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6 months have passed by and Minji has finally decided to enter a school near your own school where you attended. It was surely a suprised especially your step-father considering how much he didn't want her daughter to experience bullying anymore. But one part of him also wanted her daughter to have a normal student life outside of her own room and her decision was possible because of you as well.

During the months of you and Minji hanging out in the house, you would tell stories to Minji about your daily school life and the good times you did while being a student. Of course you removed some parts that could potentially trigger her trauma as you were very careful with your words. You would sometimes cut off your sentence and change the subject immediately especially when you realize that the words that will come out of your mind may make Minji uncomfortable.

Soobin and Yeonjun also found it weird how you were going home more earlier now than before but Soobin being the best wing man you have, would often tell him of the same excuse over and over again and Yeonjun would fall for it all over again and again.

All though your step father was against it at first, you helped Minji explain to him the importance of Minji attending school at least once in her youth especially since she's a teenager. It took sometime of convincing and a lot of Minji crying but your stepfather agreed to enroll Minji for one semester only. Even though it wasn't that long, Minji rejoiced as she hopped around with her tiny jumps and gave her father a warm hug.

Everything was going well for Minji for her first 2 weeks as she was all smiles and would tell you stories of her school experience in her notebook. But what really made you happy for her was when she told you of her friend Pham Hanni. She was also a transfer student from a different country and Hanni guided her through out the school. You could still see how happy she was when she told you about her first friend but that happiness could only last for a few seconds.

Minji has suddenly been going home lately and it also didn't help that you mother and step father has been into arguments a lot lately due to some financial issues regarding your step father's business. Of course you find it annoying how loud they could be but you feel more bad towards Minji as you have learned that she wasn't fond of arguments and fighting.

Things took a big dip as Minji was once again late to go home as you had enough of this and decided to check out her school and on what's she's been up to. As the final bell was rang, you picked up your bag and immediately left class which Yeonjun and Soobin was used by now as they just shrugged their shoulder at you. The walk towards her school wouldn't be much time consuming as it was just at best a 10 to 7 minute walk or if your sprinting, it would only take 2 minutes. Knowing that Minji's dismissal time was 30 minutes ahead of you, you were sure that Minji would be still in school so you arrived at their school gate looking for her. All the students eyes were on you as they didn't expect another student to enter their campus that easily.

Walking up the stairs of her classroom, you entered it and saw that Minji was nowhere to be found but there was a few students that was still in the room that could tell you where Minji is. Particular, you saw a bunny looking girl who was staring at you intently.

"Excuse me but have you seen Kim Minji?"

"Minji? She went out earlier with that jerk Haesul. Well technically speaking, him and his circle called Minji out."

Furious, anger, murder, genocide. All of this emotion was rilled up into you as your fist turn into a ball and your eyes showed fire in em. The girl felt scared at your murderous face as you asked her where they could be.

"T-They could be at the back side of the school near the trash area..."

You noticed how scared the girl looked at you as you sighed and calmed your nerves down. Minji was in danger but there was no reason for you to be angry at someone who has no affiliate with the assholes.

"I'm sorry for scaring you. But what's your Name?"

"Pham.. Pham Hanni."

"Pham Hanni? Ah! The girl that Minji told me all about. Thank you for being her friend."

You sincerely bowed at the girl who was shocked by you sincerely as she just waved her hand off at you.

"It's okay Oppa. I should be the one apologizing for not doing anything to stop those jerks from approaching Minji. I'm so sorry."

You could only chuckle at the girl and smile at her. You know very well that Hanni was also a shy girl like Minji so having a confrontation would also be too much for her.

"It's alright Hanni. You don't have to worry about it. I'll take care of this problem."

You smiled and left the classroom looking for Minji as your eyes darted everywhere observing and noticing the small details of their school.

"For a middle school class, this sure looks prestigious. How come there's bullying here?"

That was your thought until you finally saw Minji being cornered by 5 guys. Your blood boiled immediately as your animalistic instinct kicked in.

"Come on Kim Minji, if you don't answer me then we're dating."

Haesul said as his friends cheer him on. He was basically taking her disability to his advantage as Minji was scared for her life. Her knees were shivering and her heart was beating so fast. She could feel her head spinning from the amount of stress she was facing and her vision was slowly doubling.

"Hey since you're quiet, that means we're dating right? Right? Then I should kiss you to seal the deal right?"

His friends started to cheer him on as this only made her more anxious than before. Her trauma began to climb back up her mind as Haesul smirked and was inching himself closer to her. He didn't leave any space for Minji to breath as Minji closed her eyes as she screamed out the name in her mind the person she wanted to see.

"Y/N OPPA!!!!"

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"Oi, what do you think your doing to my sister?"

You pushed the face of Haesul off Minji immediately and pushed him away giving them space which Minji was so glad to have. She opened her eyes and there she saw a familiar back. The back that she adored so much and the back that will always protect her. She began to sob silently as her tears began to slowly descend her cheeks.

"Hey, who do you think you are?"

Haesul asked as he looked you up and down which you didn't back away from. In your mind, they were in a teenage phase where they think they can take on anyone. You also have to be careful considering you were a high schooler and not a middle school student unlike them.

"Her brother obviously, now back off."

You tried your best to intimidate them yet they didn't falter. They only laughed at you finding it amusing that her brother was defending her.

"Listen pal, me and Minji are a thing. And you're-"

"Who?"

This made Haesul scoffed as he didn't expect you to cut him off so easily. His patience was slowly dying down.

"Me, Haesu-"

"Asked."

You once again cut him off and this time, he didn't take it lightly as he punched your face in annoyance. Minji widen her eyes in pure horror as she watches her precious brother eat a punch to his face. You wanted to retaliate immediately after that punch but you held back as fighting a middle schooler would be an embarrassment for you. You fell unto the floor but stood up and even smirked at him.

"That all you got kid?"

"You bastard-"

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SMACK

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"Kids I tell yah, they think their inferior or something sometimes."

Yeonjun spoke making you look behind you and seeing Him and Soobin standing together. Yeonjun's drink was splashed into Haseul's head and it's remains was slowly walking down his face.

"Yeonjun, Soobin? What are you two doing here?"

Soobin sighed and pointed at Yeonjun.

"This bastard wanted to see you so we followed you and here we are."

You were grateful for their rescue as this was an opportunity for you to take Minji out of this mess. You grabbed her hand and both of you began to walk away as you said

"Can you two give them the old Special? They messed someone important to me."

Soobin sighed while Yeonjun smiled like a maniac.

"Suuure~"

"Alright, I won't let that slide anyway."

Both Yeonjun and Soobin said respectively as you gave them a nod while pulling and holding the hand of Minji. You wanted to get the clear picture of what's really going on. Minji can clearly see how mad you are as this made her feel bad for herself. She stopped walking which also made you stop on your tracks. You looked back and saw Minji crying softly as this broke your heart. You hated seeing Minji cry or sad as you let go of her hand.

"Minji I... I'm sorry. I didn't know you were being bullied and-"

Minji didn't let you continue as she suddenly hugged you tightly as she cried her heart out. You didn't know why she was crying this much but you just relate it back to her being bullied. But in reality, she felt so sorry for you because you had to save her and you even got punched back. She hated herself for what happened earlier but she was also grateful for saving her back then. Her heart was beating so fast and she was so flustered being this close to you but she didn't care. All that mattered for her right now is that she was in your arms comforting her.

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TIMESKIP: 3 MONTHS

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Ever since that accident, Minji has changed rather weirdly towards you. Everytime you would arrive home, she would hug you tightly and wouldn't let go for a minute. She has also been very clingy towards you either it be playing video games, eating your food or even reading a book. She would either give you a back hug which she will stay for a long time or she would hug your arm and watch you play your video game or sleep on your shoulder.

You don't mind Minji being clingy towards you but you just find it weird how she's acting towards you. Especially sometimes she would sneak into your bed and snuggle with you. You find this action very weird but you just let her as everytime you would push her away, she would only cling to you tighter. It was a losing game if you fight her off so you just let her be and sleep.

Although your relationship with Minji was great, your parents wasn't. Their arguments has become more often which lead to Minji leaving the table and sleeping at your room and clinging towards you. You could only sigh at them and their argument has finally come to a close when the two decided to have a divorce. Upon hearing this, you were sadden because the reason why they were arguing was something they can't control.

Apperently, your stepfather was setup to marry a woman he doesn't even love due to his business. He tried to fight for his love towards your mother but in the end, he lose the battle. He apologized to you and your mother sincerely as he admitted that your mother will always have a place in her heart. It was heartbreaking especially Minji who cried all night not leaving her room at all. You tried your best to convince her but to no vail. It also didn't help that after announcing their divorce, they were to leave the household the next day.

The dreadful day finally came as Minji finally came out of her room looking tired and lifeless. She moved towards her father's car with no motivation as all you can do was watch from afar. You clenched your fist as this was now or never. You have to say your goodbye to her.

"Hey, Kim Minji."

Calling her out made her finally look at you as you tried your best not to feel sad for her. With a deep breath you said

"I'll never forget you Minji. I'm sure we'll see each other again. For now, this is goodbye but someday this goodbye will turn to hello and we would be smiling to each other again."

You assured Minji that you two will see each other again and the possibility of having a reunion is always possible. Your warm smile radiated so much as Minji will surely miss it. Minji smiled back knowing this was the last time you'll be seeing her smile warmly at you.

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TIMESKIP: 5 YEARS LATER

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"Fuck this. I can't even finish this one subject."

You sighed as you and your 2 college buddies wore a boring and exhausted face as the test earlier really drained your energy.

"That test is straight up bullshit. How can He give questions that are not even taught to us? Like how? What the hell?"

Felix, your first friend said as you nodded your head.

"Yeah shit mate, tell me about it ey. Being dumb and unattractive is a painful combination to have. I mean look at us mate, we're dumb and no girlfriend."

Christopher Chan, your second friend said as you scoffed at his comment. Sure you had your few runs on some blind dates but it all ended in vain as nobody was able to click your interest. Not only that, but the subjects you were taking in university had taken a huge toll on your time.

"But I did hear a new student in campus is beautiful as fuck. Some are even saying she's sculpted by the gods."

Felix explain the rumor that was going through around the campus lately. Of course you were caught by this rumor as you would be lying if you say that you weren't interested in such topic. Chan just scoffed and said

"Ain’t no way Mate. That's just a rumor ey. If that is true then I'm betting my Straykids Photocard right now."

Felix smirked and nodded his head.

"Alright, I'll bet my Izone Chaewon photocard for that."

"Oooh it's on mate-"

The two shook hand behind you as they glared one another as if they were ready to go to war at each other. You on the other hand was lost in your thoughts as a sudden memory of Minji appeared on your head. There was no moment where you can't forgot about the time you and Minji spent together. There would be times where you would ask yourself if Minji was alright and doing well. It's been 5 years since you last saw each other and there was no form of communication between you two. There was fear within yourself that Minji must have forgotten about you considering it wasn't even a year since you two met and made memories.

"I wonder what's Minji doing now. She would probably be in college right now as well."

You could only sigh as you continued to walk leaving your two friends arguing with each other. You enjoyed the silence of the campus as the soft breeze pass by the threes. It's cute whistle was good music in your opinion-

"Y/N Oppa?"

You turned your head towards the voice was and you widen your eyes. You stood frozen to your feet as a girl stared at you. Something about her seems so familiar yet you couldn't pin point it.

"M-Minji? I-Is that you?"

Upon hearing your voice. Minji smiled brightly and dashed towards you hugging you tightly. The familiar feeling of comfort and sweetnes returned to you as memories flashed through your mind. Minji was back in your arms and was able to-

"Wait Minji, you can talk now?"

Minji pulled away from you as her smile never disappeared from her face. She nodded her head vigorously indicating that your assumption is correct.

"Yes, My Dad found a really good doctor in America and with enough therapy, I got my voice back."

"That’s... That's awesome! Your-mmhpjh?"

Minji placed a finger on your mouth telling you to shut it as she giggled and removed it. Seeing Minji again for so long made you see how beautiful she really was.

"Oppa. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"What? What do you mea-"

"No, actually I don't care if you have one or even if it's a 3D woman. I'm gonna steal you from her."

Now that was a bold statement coming from her.

"Wait Minji. Did your personality changed too?"

"Hmm? Nope. I love you Oppa. Be my boyfriend."

"Wait what?"

You were stunned to speak yet Minji smiled happily and to add more suprise, She kissed your cheeks leaving you a blushing mess. She could only giggle at your red tomato head and flustered face.

"Since we're no longer Step siblings. I'm legally allowed to marry you. And for the record, I actually fell in love with you when you saved me from those bullies before.”

Her smile never disappeared yet you were to perplexed to say anything. You also found it very weird how your heart was racing to the max and Minji was now looking more prettier than before. When you finally got your senses back, the first words that came out of your mouth was

“You like me?”

She giggled and nodded her head. 

“Shall I prove it?”

Minji closed the gap between you and her as she grabbed your cheeks and pulled you down to her level and kissed your forehead. Butterflies and fireworks was all over your body as you felt explosions everywhere. Minji has changed as the shy cute girl was gone and infront of you was a more mature beautiful version of Minji.

 “Let's go Oppa. Help me around Campus will yah? hehehe~"

Without even saying a thing, Minji hooked her arm around yours and pulled you away from your spot. You were taking everything in but if there was thing on your head, it was that.....

"Minji likes me? And I think.....I like her too...”

.

.

.

.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Y'know, if Lila was just a one-off character for Volpina and we never saw her again, a few tweaks in that episodes writing could have made it a good lesson about not letting your temper get the best of you, even in a situation where your anger is justified

This is in reference to the post where I discussed how terrible Volpina's lesson is and I agree with the proposed change. If Marinette has to be in the wrong here, that's the only way to make it kind of work. In fact, this is what I thought the episode was trying to do on my first watch. When the next season started with Lila gone, I thought, "Okay, so that episode was supposed to be about being the better person and having a more measured response when you've been wronged. I don't think it did that lesson super well, but I can see what they were going for and we'll give them some grace. Definitely one that I wouldn't just give to a kid, though. Way too high a risk of them internalizing a very wrong message."

I only gave the writers that grace because I assumed that Ladybug had truly humiliated Lila out of Paris off screen (remember, we only see Ladybug out Lila to Adrien even though Lila was lying to everyone) and that is a pretty extreme punishment for a teenager making a dumb choice. Even then, saying that Ladybug was in the wrong feels a little too victim blame-y for my tastes. Lila was the one telling the lies and using Ladybug's name for clout on a city-wide scale or possibly even a national/international scale depending on the Ladyblog's viewership. By telling those lies, Lila was harming Alya's credibility and presenting herself as a sort of authority on Ladybug, a position that she was going to use to her advantage as we saw with her manipulating Adrien. She was also putting herself at risk if Gabriel or other villains believed the lies and saw her as a way to get to Ladybug.

That means that the lies Lila told aren't exactly minor, victimless crimes like the lies Marinette and Adrien tell to hide their identities. Lilia's lies needed to be outed on the same scale that they were broadcast and there's no kind way to do that. It's going to have a brutal edge no matter how pretty the words are.

There are times when it's right to be "the better person" and let a thing go, but it's hard to view this as one of them because this was not a nuanced situation. There was no reasonable option other than issuing a public retraction and Ladybug didn't even go that far! She had a single, private confrontation with Lila and then let the matter rest. A better version of this episode might see Alya and Marinette giving a really mean retraction on the Ladyblog that they then feel bad about because they should have been more professional, but that's about it as far as possible improvements go.

If we look at what the episode actually gave us, it feels like another Gamer situation. An episode that blames Marinette for impure motivations while ignoring anyone else's faults, creating a nonsense moral that just makes me mad. Ladybug-is-wrong-for-confronting-the-liar-for-impure-reasons is certainly a take. It's just not one that I'm ever going to agree with. To give a recent, real-world example, do people really feel that James Somerton was the wronged party because his many, many lies and instances of plagiarism were outed in a brutal public takedown? (Context part 1 & part 2, though part 2 is the one to watch if you only want to see why letting lies from respected sources go unchecked can be so messy.)

To be clear, I don't think that Lila's lies were Somerton bad in Volpina, but they were starting to go down that road and they arguably reached Somerton levels by season five. Fakes identities, almost getting Marinette expelled, using her lies to get social power from Gabriel, the list goes on, which is yet another reason to hate Volpina. Its nonsense moral is a big part of why Lila could do all of that. Ladybug should have outed Lila! Society suffered and will continue to suffer because she didn't. That's why you have to stop misinformation as soon as you possibly can, but that wasn't actually the moral of Volpina. The moral was that Ladybug was in the wrong for being mean to the liar. Maybe if she'd been nicer, then Lila wouldn't be so evil now which is a very gross moral! Volpina really does feel even more victim blame-y now that Lila is the new big bad.

That's a good segue to circle back and finish off my original topic: I gave the writers grace for Volpina until Lila returned and established that she'd never been publicly outed. At that point, Volpina lost any chance at me giving it charity. The lesson was worse than I thought and I was fully justified in hating it. It's one of the ones I use when I explain why I wouldn't want a child getting into Miraculous because the problem with Volpina's moral is pretty straightforward.

[lopposting]

I absolutely love your lore theories for LoP! Very new to the fandom :). Stayed up all night reading your posts abt it whahaha please keep making them!

Just wanted to ask what you think, if Camille was the recorded first puppet with an awakened ego and was Carlo's mom... does that mean Geppetto let his wife be experimented on by the alchemists upon her death or???

Another thought, do you think Sophia knew Geppetto's plans? Given that she reached out to P at the very beginning and called him by name ((geppettos puppet)) She knew Simon's plans yeah. But what abt Geppettos?

Thank you so much for your kind ask!!!

I panicked briefly because I thought I lost this ask somewhere. I have a LOT of thoughts surrounding Camille and parts of the game that I struggle to put together really cohesively, so on certain topics, i'm just going to ramble.

So, there is this image from the opening cutscene.

Maybe it isn't literally Camille and Carlo, but it may be alluding to them. [And what are they shown playing here? dundundun]

There is a particular affinity and focus the game has on the Piano as well.

Music is so linked to humanity in this game, i think it's very sweet.

There was also this really interesting post about the blue fairy (in the og collodi novel) that I don't think I can dig up anymore, but I remember it was something like this. It was pointing out that, realistically, the blue fairy really isn't a good parent. She lets a seven year old child be hanged on a tree, she watches by as he is enslaved; she makes him "work" for the right to be a real boy instead of reasonably granting him it, etc. The blue fairy also appears omniscient or goddess-like, appearing as a child, a young woman, a goat, and a mother (in perhaps her most adapted incarnation).

if Sophia's knowledge is endless, couldn't she have warned us about geppetto? wouldn't she know about carlo (someone she knew as a child) being tortured in a box? was it her discretion to let us suffer, because he needs to be able to suffer to be strong? Does that make her a moral or ethical person? Can any personhood with omniscience, who, in a sense, allows evil to happen, be moral or just? Perhaps, herein lies the philosophical, inherent flaw, in any relationship with an omniscient being, but I digress.

However, I think Sophia's endless knowledge that Arlecchino [sadly I write his name wrong every time] refers to is spiritual, or emotional, in a sense: that because she could manipulate time, all of it was at her disposal. When we wake up in the train car, her words are: "There you are, I've been looking all over for you!" She could not have known where we were, if she was searching for us (possibly through the blue butterfly figure we see). Also, I think she could've warned us about Geppetto.. but maybe then we wouldn't have gone to save her, and her goals are to get us to save her from Simon, which I believe she either says or suggests are "selfish" intentions (although I think she is very well within her right to have tbh). I don't think she is all-knowing in the way that Simon's world of truth would be. Maybe it's just a plot hole, perhaps it's just a "flaw" innate in writing any story with an omniscient character, but I don't think she was omniscient in that fashion.

And then coming back to Camille: One of my absolute favourite things about the game is the Saintess of Mercy Statue/Pieta Motif that we see in the Grand Exhibition. And Camille, who is inferred to have been the mother of Carlo, is said to have engineered the statue. She is directly connected to the game's central visual motif of death and rebirth. And then the statue also being diegetically[not a word apparently?] associated with rebirth and renewal ("Bring new life to puppets") in that you are "re-setting" and re-spec your character's stats there??? Equal parts beautiful and spectacular and touching.

[I feel SO sad that apparently, not every gamer got to see the statue. Opening those doors after the phone call riddle and then the camera panning up to the statue is such an amazing and special moment to me, and then the fact that it's also raining (another symbol of birth) too]

I don't know if the Camille puppet was literally the same Camille (who may have been the wife of Giuseppe), though. We know that she seems to have saved a baby from falling, on which afterwards she says "bring me back to my child". Not only is the Camille puppet a devoted mother character, she's also the first puppet to awaken (in other words, being associated with the idea of birth). "Camille" is so tied to the idea of motherhood and birth, that I think the Camille puppet is another connection here, and may not literally be the same Camille who was a technician. Although, I don't put it past Geppetto to be doing nefarious experiments with puppets, even if it were his wife. It might be a little ominous in regards to his attitude to P, that he doesn't see puppets as "people", but he does see people as puppets.

[selenityshiroi]

I can't even begin to explain how much Square Enix truly surprised me with Clive in FFXVI.

I stayed away from most of the marketing so I knew only his image and that SE wanted to appeal to Western Gamers with this game. Which led me to believe that he would be gruff and tough and vengeful. Because, let's be real, that is the impression we tend to have of Western Video Game protaganists.

And when the game opens we see a man who is fighting, doesn't seem to be invested in the cause but is just going along with the mission. Doesn't care too much about the bloody battle going on beneath his feet. So my impression wasn't really shaken by this introduction.

And then we go back. And oh boy.

Teenage Clive was a delight. Humble, compassionate, understood the difference between being handed something and having to work for it. His mother hated him for something he couldn't control but he didn't resent his brother who had the mother's love he was denied. He adored his brother who had 'the birthright' that could have been his. I adored this boy within minutes and I was shocked that this was the protaganist from the promo materials. So different than I was expecting.

And then Phoenix Gate happened. And I was filled with dread. Because that boy was probably going to gone. Destroyed by grief and vengeance. This was the event that was going to turn that nice young boy into the gruff and tough and mean older protaganist I was expecting.

But then it didn't.

Once we fell in with Cid and rescued Jill we start to see the older Clive. And he is after vengeance and he is hurt and he is suffering. But he is also still compassionate. He also still has a sense of justice. He also still understands that there is no job beneath a person and no person beneath a job (which is a very big theme for the game).

That vengeance, which I'm so used to seeing as a 'and I don't care what I have to do or who is in my way for me to get it' sort of thing, was not all consuming. It was something he sought but not at the expense of others.

When the first sidequest of 'take these plates of food to the tables' came up I genuinely believed that Clive was the sort of man who wouldn't bat an eye at waiting a table for the sake of the team. That it wasn't a task below him. And that single moment changed my entire impression of him.

When the story of the night of the Phoenix Gate unfolds it is painful. Grief and guilt that would tear someone apart. And it could have easily destroyed Clive. But then it didn't.

Because we get to the other surprising thing about Clive (and the story). And that is about acceptance and atonement.

Clive accepting the things that he did is something that is not only addressed in the story but it's also a major story point. But in a typical Western story I would expect atonement to take the shape of punishment and suffering. Self flogging guilt. Which are very Christian ideologies that are widespread in Western media. But that isn't the path this game took. It takes the path of atonement meaning reparation and working to change things for the future you want to see. Which reminded me very, very much of Fullmetal Alchemist (which I'm told is a story that has strong Buddist themes).

And then, just to really twist the knife into the false impression I had, we get the final aspect of his character that I wasn't expecting.

His ability to be open and honest. Especially with Jill, who had suffered and holds guilt in a similar way. Who looks like (at my current point in my playthrough) is about to go through a similar arc of self acceptance. But instead of holding in their pain they share it. They pull each other forward. And it's not only super refreshing for a leading pair in a pretty dark story it also reminds me of something else from FMA.

Roy and Riza. Two characters who did unspeakable things who then turn that guilt into action. Who work to change the world into a place where those atrocities do not need to happen again. Who understand that they may not be thanked for what they do or what they have done but will suffer that gladly to let others live free of the blood that stains their hands.

At this point all of those impressions I had going into the game are shattered into dust.

I adore Clive. I am invested in him so much more than I ever expected. I couldn't have expected any of this going into the game and I have never been so pleasantly surprised.

Bravo, SE.

[vermutandherring]

No spoilers

It's funny that despite all my love for the game, I didn't have any inspiration to write a review. Because how can you put into words the feelings it causes? Yes, the gameplay is like an endless dance that flows and twists the player into its vortex. Yes, every second in this game is melodious like a song, cutscenes are apt like rhymes in poetry, and the outcome suffered in the battle with the last boss gives a feeling of exaltation. And although each work is a matter of taste and everyone sees something different in the game, it seems that the audience has finally matured to understand the genius of Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance.

It's a bit unfortunate that the game is mostly recognized by memes, which makes its perception superficial and not serious. On the other hand, a meme can only be understood with full context, which requires playing through the game. The context, in turn, gives a deeper understanding of the work. And therefore, even such popularity can attract new fans of the series. I also think that the example of this game shows how much the game industry has in common with high culture, not mass culture. Most games acquire their meaning over time, rather than gaining popularity as a phenomenon of consumer culture, quickly fading into obscurity. So in this review I will try to explain why MGRR will remain a classic for generations of gamers to come.

I'm happy that Metal Gear Rising was my first MG game. It does not require extensive knowledge of the history of the franchise. Therefore, discovering the character of Raiden and the meaningful content of the game, you want to get to know this universe more closely to understand its essence.

There is a perception that MGRR is not Hideo Kojima's canonical Metal Gear, so you won't be able to touch his genius in this game. In fact, it is not quite so. Although at some point the project was given to PlatinumGames, its initial idea and main character remained in the spirit of the good old Metal Gears, which is felt if not in the combat system, then certainly in the ideas, narratives and used means of artistic expression inherent to Kojima. In the game we have some elements of stealth, expressive cutscenes with unexpected angles, the philosophical basis of the plot and, of course, the codec - Kojima's greatest invention in video games, in his own opinion. It is interesting to observe how his principles continue their life in subsequent projects, changing and adapting to the needs of the time and the content of the games. Yoji Shinkawa, an integral part of the tandem, also contributed to the creation of the game. So if you look at it from a certain angle, MGRR is pretty much canonical Metal Gear.

Yep. I spent 20 mins of my life to find Kojima and Shinkawa in credits. They both are present.

One of the key features of MGRR, inherent in the MG series in general, is its ability to combine very different and, at first glance, absurd things. The game constantly balances between philosophy and satire, cringe and seriousness, kitsch and incredible aesthetics. This feeling is very similar to the first experience of getting to know anime. To a person out of context, individual episodes of anime can seem strange and wild, and a single series can make the entire industry seem like low-level geek culture. In short, this cultural phenomenon is shrouded in a lot of prejudices and stereotypes, which is caused by a different cultural context than yours (unless you are Japanese).

MGRR feels very Japanese, even though the setting of the game (like all the games in the series) has nothing to do with Japan. The very first mission resembles a traditional Japanese engraving, on an endless sheet of which heroes from ancient myths confront each other. I love finding parallels between games and art forms. Vampyr similar to a theater play, L.A. Noire is to the detective film, and Mafia is to the noir novel. And although I have repeatedly emphasized that Kojima brought video games closer to cinema through MG, I want to go deeper in the search for aesthetic parallels in Rising. This game resembles a mythological epic with its inherent trope about the hero's journey, the endless fight against evil and, of course, the worldview of a particular people, its philosophy.

In many mythologies, events take place in 'eternal' space and stretch endlessly in time. A dark force always appears to destroy the world, a light force always accepts its challenge. After all, the world is maintained thanks to their balance, the delicate balance of yin and yang, which should not be disturbed in any way. That is why evil exists. And that's why good always wins it. In general, most games with a plot, having a certain literary basis, use this pattern. But in MGRR, this principle seems to be embodied literally, only the actors are changed: robots and cyborgs take the place of deities and spirits. Powerful forces converge in a predestined battle, but we know its outcome in advance. Therefore, the most interesting part of this whole action remains the confrontation process itself. What is heard on earth when the titans are fighting in the sky? What does the Dragon say when he meets the Tiger?

Doan (Yamada Yorikiyo), Japanese. Tiger and Dragon, ink on paper, around 1560. The Minneapolis Institute of Art. Source: https://www.roningallery.com/artists/Kuniyoshi

'RULES OF NATURE'

The rules of nature are one of the key elements of the game. The problem of the main character's struggle with the natural state of things and their phenomena is embodied in many details and in the mythological background in particular. In primitive beliefs, people of all cultures addressed the forces of nature that they could not directly change, but that they could influence and interact with. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why Raiden fights not with abstract thieves, but with destructive, unpredictable and dangerous natural phenomena. In the game, we have a group of Winds of Destruction - cold-blooded mercenaries who do dirty work. In the system of Japanese beliefs, in particular Shinto, spirits-deities called kami have a clearly defined good/bad characteristic. At the same time, they also have an opposite side to it. Therefore, people can interact with kami in different ways depending on their needs. Before his battles with the Winds, Raiden has moments of revelation with each of them, through which he discovers new truths. These conversations also show that if you judge the state of affairs from the point of view of the criminals themselves, their views also have a grain of rationality. They have come to choose their craft in a certain way, have their own beliefs and principles, and therefore it is difficult to call them unequivocally bad. Raiden himself is more like the Winds than he would like.

One of the most magical and, at the same time, one of the most dangerous and destructive forces of nature is embodied in the image of Raiden. In Japanese mythology, Raijin is the god of lightning. A variant of Raiden-sama's name can literally be translated as Mr. Lightening Bolt. But the most interesting thing is not that. According to the tradition of Japanese Buddhism, Raijin and his brother, the wind god Fujin, were originally evil demons who fought bitterly with the Buddha. As a result of the battle between the Buddha's heavenly army and the demons, Fujin and Raijin were captured, repented and now serve good as Buddha's guardian deities. To say how brilliantly accurate this tribute is - is to say nothing. Like Raijin, in the MG series, Jack went from a punishing dark force to a protective light force. At the same time, he does not depart from his original nature of destroyer and killer, but only directs energy in the right direction.

Folding screen depicting Raijin (left) and Fūjin (right). Tawaraya Sōtatsu, 17 century. Raiden-sama usually depicted as white demon, which also resonates with one of Jack's names - White Devil.

One could say that such a similarity between the fates of Raijin and Jack was only a coincidence. After all, this is where Joseph Campbell's theory of the monomyth, laid out in his 1949 book The Hero with a Thousand Faces, takes place. Campbell, researching the myths, fairy tales and legends of the peoples of the world, came to the conclusion that most of these stories rely on a common plot structure, which he called the monomyth. Since the modern literary tradition is drawn from the oldest literary forms, it still retains the most common and established models, albeit in modified forms. And therefore, the similarity of the paths of heroes in myths or literary works is only a consequence of an established tradition.

But Metal Gear wouldn't be Metal Gear if it weren't for its attention to details. As we know, in myths, things are rarely clear-cut. Raijin often fights with his brother Fujin. He is also depicted in the company of Raiju, a thunder beast or thunder demon that also acts as his animal totem, usually appearing in the form of a dog or wolf. Does this remind you of anyone? Another minor but interesting detail is that Raijin has a son, Raitaro, who is another deity of thunder.

Although Raiju is a companion of Raijin, it can act independently. During thunderstorms, Raiju descend from the sky, accompanying lightning to strike at trees and houses, causing disasters. Thus, Raiju attacks were also believed to be a form of divine punishment: those whose homes were struck by lightning were “suffering the wrath of the Raiju”.

The dystopian environment of MGRR tries to imitate the natural state of things and imitate nature itself not only at the expense of the mythological core. There are more direct allusions embedded directly in the design of robots and cyborgs. The most obvious is the already mentioned Blade Wolf, in which the prototype of the dog is easily guessed. Amphibians and insects, dinosaurs and birds, ungulates and predators inhabit the unexplored hostile spaces of MGRR. It is noteworthy that some of the mechs in the game are present in the MG series not for the first time. Even in previous games, you could find numerous modifications of Metal Gear RAY, Gekko or canine-like robots. The entire MG series in one way or another introduces allusions to the animal world into the design of the characters. On the one hand, this is a fairly obvious design approach. On the other hand, it adds more depth to the game's lore. The concept of human imitation of nature is a red thread through all Metal Gear, opening a kind of philosophical questions, and also conveys the idea of "naturalness" of those changes taking place in the alternate reality of the game.

Animal traits are evident in robots' behavior and appearance, such as design elements, mannerisms, sounds, etc. It would seem that this is enough to give the player information about what they are dealing with. But the designers give a deeper explanation of how these mechanisms work. They are endowed not only with the features of living beings. They have a similar 'body structure' and even blood likeness. From a practical point of view, most of these details do not make any sense.

From the perspective of game design, this is one of those elements that works on a subconscious level with the player's imagination. Blazing his way through enemy valleys, Raiden destroys more than just robots. They bleed, suffer and make shrill sounds like living animals. They seem to embody the next, albeit artificially created by man, stage of evolution. They are only a part of the usual state of things, where "wind blows, rain falls, and the strong prey upon the weak". Obviously Raiden is a predator in this story. Kill or be killed. At the same time, he is a victim. A victim of his own beliefs and memes, obeying them, he tries to change the natural order, to destroy long-established truths for the sake of the highest good. But, as we found out, good and evil will always exist side by side. Because as one little-known philosopher once said,

About memes, honor and war in the next part of the review~

Credits:

Japanese Tiger and Dragon. Minneapolis Institute of Art

2. RAIJU: The Thunder Beast Yokai

3. Gekko. Metal Gear Wiki

4. Raijin. Wikipedia

[eternallyanxiousandstressed]

Major Tea Update

Okay, I need you all to be prepared to be absolutely pissed off. I mean, filled with rage levels of pissed off, because that's where I'm at, even if I have to also continue being totally and completely pleasant.

So, some time after Ratboy allowed me to have Luke by myself, unsupervised for the time I was driving with him, Ratboy filed a protection order AND a CPS case against me.

Ratboy says my suicide "threats" (me telling him I was going to kill myself and actually meaning it) were coercive control, which is considered domestic violence. Gamers, this is my state's definition of coercive control: "Coercive control" means a pattern of behavior that is used to cause another to suffer physical, emotional, or psychological harm, and in purpose or effect unreasonably interferes with a person's free will and personal liberty. In determining whether the interference is unreasonable, the court shall consider the context and impact of the pattern of behavior from the perspective of a similarly situated person. 

Now, suicide threats or attempts are considered examples of coercive control, but see, it has to be used to cause him to suffer physical, emotional, or psychological harm. Um... Mine were legitimate actual mental health crises. I have messages with a crisis text line showing that for some of these, I was actively in a mental health crisis. I have psychiatry appointments talking about my suicidal ideation. I went inpatient to a psych hospital multiple times. Mine were not "used to cause another harm". Therefore it doesn't fucking count. Whatever, that'll be easy to prove with my texts to the crisis line as well as my medical records from my psychiatrist throughout that entire time.

Now the CPS case? He claims that I threatened to kill Luke. I have never once threatened to kill Luke, ever. In fact, I've straight up told Ratboy that I'd cut my own hand off before I hurt Luke. During my postpartum depression did I have thoughts of hurting Luke? Yes. But I was seeing a psychiatrist about them and actively working with her on it. And I haven't had those thoughts since, well, I was no longer in emotional distress because of Ratboy. Anyways, this will also probably be easy to throw out with the simple fact that, if he was concerned that I was a danger to our son, why did he allow me an unsupervised visit with him? Because, if he was actually concerned I would hurt or kill Oliver, letting him go with me unsupervised would be negligent on his part and well... That won't look good for him.

Anyways, CPS, without interviewing me or my family or even contacting me at all, has made the recommendation of no unsupervised visits, which pisses me off. How about you actually interview the person accused to figure out the whole story before you just side with the people accusing. Especially right in the middle of a custody battle.

But, if he wants to play dirty and lie, how about I play dirty and tell the truth. Ratboy was a neglectful father for the entire time I was taking care of Luke. Up to the point where my own brother watched Ratboy ignore Luke while he was screaming to play video games. My brother's exact words (just with names changed): Yeah while we were packing he was "taking care of Luke" while he played his games and Luke was just having a meltdown

I can also bring up all the times he refused to help me with Luke while I was so exhausted my legs tried to give out. And when he did, I didn't actually get to sleep because Luke started screaming and would just scream for 10 minutes straight and Ratboy didn't do anything. Not even when I suggested he feed him. I go out and I feed him and guess what? Luke calmed down!

Anyways, meeting with my lawyer on Monday to discuss where to go from here. She said she wasn't worried and that we could handle it so I'm going to try not to stress about it. I'm just gonna be completely and totally pissed off that he's stooping to completely lying now.

[happyk44]

Saw that post about Nico and Annabeth being gamers and their fanbase trying to figure out, between Percy and Jason, which one the two were dating and ofc I had to polyam it because babes that is who I ammmm.

Anyway that post as is: but Nico is dating Percy and Jason (and he and Annabeth also have their own thing going on but it's very casual non-labeled, let's make Percy suffer type of thing because I am Percicobeth at heart), so after Annabeth posts the short video of her small wedding ceremony, everyone assumes that they've figured it out, until Percy passes by in the background of one of Nico's streams and calls him babe.

And everyone is just ?? At first they assume Annabeth must be back there or Percy said babe by accident or uses it at a catch-all term for affection or smth Bc Nico didn't even seem phased. And his fans prod, like, do you live with Annabeth and Percy, and Nico is just "yeah sometimes", which answers nothing for them.

In the middle of one of Annabeth's streams, someone asks her if she went on a honeymoon and she's like yeah, Percy's dad gave us a trip to *insert island of your choice* and she pulls up some photos she took to discuss the architecture behind the buildings. Percy is in the background of a lot of the pictures, doing a variety of poses that amuse everyone, until someone spots Nico in one of the pics - slightly blurred and out of focus but very much there, and they're all ??? "Did Nico come with you?" yeah. "On your honeymoon?" Yeah.

Annabeth shows a picture of Nico soaking in a tub of oatmeal with a scowl on his face because he got a really bad sunburn, and then goes back to lecturing about architectural design and how the structure of the buildings benefits them against the climate, etc etc etc.

Everyone is so confused.

Annabeth gets really into whatever you do in Minecraft and answers zero questions after that.

There become wild theories that Nico and Percy are cheating on their respective partners. Some people think that the obvious long-haul friendship between the four is what is keeping Jason and Annabeth from breaking up with them. Other people think that the two are completely unaware.

There are a couple polyamory theories but not as many people pay those any mind, because that's less dramatic.

Eventually though, after months of arguing between fans and a few probing questions that go ignored, the reality becomes obvious during pride month where Annabeth posts a few photos of her attending NYC pride. The whole friend group is in tow, and everyone is pleased to see more of the people that show up in the background of the two's streams/videos/monologues.

The second to last picture of the day is Nico sandwiched between Percy and Jason, the two of them kissing his cheek while he blushes. It sparks so much insanity that people dive to the comments without scrolling on and are greeted with reminders to look at the last photo.

Which is Annabeth pushing Percy away by his face while she kisses Reyna (who's got the lesbian flag on her cheek obvi), Nico hugging her from behind, face nuzzled into the crook of her shoulder and neck. The picture is obviously very lighthearted and teasing and cute. But people still go insane about it. What does it mean?? What did the other picture mean? Who is dating who? Did Percy and Annabeth break up? What is going on?

(the polyam suggestions once again go mostly ignored in favour of the drama)

Nico ignores all the pushing questions because he's really only ever on social media to post videos or stream, but they take up so much of the commentary (even with people getting booted out by mods or other people reminding them that they have a right to privacy and to stop asking) that Annabeth gets really frustrated because, ugh, this isn't what her channel is for. So she opens up on a stream with the clear cut facts. It's polyamory. It's always been polyamory.

(Polyam fans are thrilled they were right)

"I'm married to Percy. I have a girlfriend who lives in LA. Nico is dating Percy and Jason. We have our own thing going on too because sexuality is weird and Nico is cute and also Percy gets stupid about it, and that's always fun. It's been like this for years, we're doing fine. It's literally not that big a deal, move on."

People who keep questioning things get booted from the chat, and everything mostly dies down for the rest of the stream. Until nearish the end, Nico comes in to ask her what she wants for dinner and she's too absorbed in what's she doing to hear him, so he parks himself in her lap like he's done it a billion times because obviously he has and squeezes her cheeks until she starts paying attention to him.

Everyone goes fucking insane about it again.

[the-wardens-torch]

Pre-DT Muttering

Mostly complaints and worries. I haven't been playing the game much, but I did pre-order DT and will be poking my nose into it for a good sniff once the queues level out.

-For the EW pre-order, we got Menphina's earring, and we went to the moon. In DT we're getting Azeyma's earring. While I'd love to take a rocket right into the sun and end my existential suffering, I feel like this is a clever tie-in to the fact that Tural is based on central/south America, where the "people of the sun" (Aztecs) lived. And you would not believe how hard it is to find info on "people of the sun" without bringing up Rage Against the Machine.

-Yoshi-P said to brush up on the roles that each of the Convocation of 14 played. This does not bode well for me because I'm really really tired of references to the ancients was hoping this expansion would break free of them entirely.

-Speaking of "breaking free of things," I do still like the Scions a lot (and they've have had some amazing character development that I love to see,) but I kind of wish they'd just let us be for awhile and let us get to know some other NPCs that won't just become irrelevant by the end of the expansion. This expansion is promising a fresh start, but I'm not seeing it?

-And again with the breaking free point. Solution 9? Haven't the Allagans given us enough of that glowy future shit over the past 10 years? But that assumption might be unfair since it looks like more of a dark Bladerunner/Cyberpunk vibe than an "advanced civilization buried for centuries vibe. Either way I think I'd rather just go play in the dirt somewhere.

-I still don't like the premise of this expansion. I mean, having you play the role of a foreign mercenary hired to help a royal win a war of succession? As a deeply ashamed American, I can tell you that shit is just a bad idea.

-Wuk Lamat's ENG voice is just fine. I'm not saying its the best voice ever, but nearly all of the criticism I've seen of it is thinly veiled transphobia and please get away from me with that shit. I'm also seeing a lot of the same sort of hate for her that people have for Lyse Hext. What is everyone's problem with energetic jock girls who just want to help people? They just happen to help those people by punching other people and that's okay.

-Erenville is hot. You got me.

-Healer strike? I haven't been good at a healer class since pre-SB AST so I was indifferent to the whole idea. Then I saw the graphs tracking skill usage in Savage content for SCH for each expansion and... Oof. Best of luck to you all.

-I'll be going into it as a DNC main, which marks the first expansion since HW where I'm not going into it as a SMN main (I've been playing since shortly before HW dropped.) I don't think my FFXIV gamer identity will ever recover from the SMN changes. I'm maining DNC pretty much just because its easy. I'm not really good at any other class. I'm a middle-aged, married adult with a job, bills and back/neck pain. I don't want to spend hours practicing rotations until I git gud, but I also don't want to drag my parties down with my lack of skill, so easy peasy dancy squeezy it is. Maybe I should try BRD again since it was my original main before SMN?

-Pictomancer and Viper? Maybe once the novelty wears off.

[doctorguilty]

Therapy log

I did a therapy session yesterday in which I did an exercise pretending to be on a sinking boat and choosing who gets to get on the life boat as like a follow up to the thing going over my patterns of like, being unable to distinguish my own feelings from others, which is exactly what ended up happening after assessing my choices and notes on what I was saying at the end and I was nxjdjjdkkd hm. And she was also like "it also took you until the ..2nd to last person to choose to save yourself" and I'm already thinking like yeah it's literally embarrassing I actually said I wanted to live and get on the boat like, I know I'm selfish for that, And she's like "it's very rare for anyone ever to not almost immediately say they're getting on the life boat" and I'm like, wait what ,,,,, 😶 and I like argued this (lightheartedly) I was like no surely even people who don't actally mean it would just lie anyway to seem righteous like in a performative right? And she's like no at this point in therapy it's like an established space where essentially they're not performing anything to me they're being honest and candid.

And like I guess the point I'm about to make here is not encouraging any kind of like discussion whether or not I think it Is right or wrong to save oneself I think for the purpose of like, therapy, and exposing the pattern that I, as an individual, am so utterly incapable of thinking of myself as a person worthy of life, it feels BAD in a fictional not real circumstance to even consider myself equally worthy of life to any other human being on the planet, and that's my problem that's like going back to my other post where i don't even know what my own feelings are, most of my existence seems to be this vicarious emotional weave that I feel threatened when someone tries to unravel because I have no idea how to be my own person without it, I don't know how to exist for myself and not others. Think I've make progress from where I USED to be, I think when I eventually unbox more abusive relationship lore to my therapist she's gonna be like holy hell, because it took a lot to cut what felt like, just, full on cordyceps flowing all through my body (if I were an ant or perhaps a spider) because that's how far I was like serving the demands of others and erasing myself

And actually that wasn't the point I was going to make here the point I wanted to make was it occurs to me this website is SO FUCKING unhealthy like I mean I knew it to all sorts of degrees but it's definitely making me worse than I even realize like, the way the user base here approaches like suffering and (VERY PERFORMATIVELY IN PLENTY OF CASES) puts all this shit out there like, if you even think of your own well being when other people are suffering you're evil for real, like you know how we keep saying "this site is a saw trap for people with moral OCD", I like recognize things in a 3rd person pov with like other traits I'm familiar with but I have to wonder if nearly every time I eat food or spend money or anything, I cannot stop thinking "someone else needs/deserves this more and I'm selfish for experiencing it instead" and it's an active battle every bite of a sandwich to tell myself these are most definitely disordered thoughts there's no way that's normal. Ignore it. Don't break down into tears (I lose sometimes), just have to wonder of that's moral OCD too (i defs have OCD symptoms in general just other types I am more sure of), though regardless it surely must be something

The way I cope with it tends to be like a telling myself I have to secure my life mask before securing others kind of thing, and also like the world NEEDS to keep spinning, contrary to the beliefs of people chronically online who's politics are like, "I don't vote I don't participate in anything I make transgressvie posts online and await the glorious revolution from my gamer chair" like the person who's income is like making non essential goods still needs to put food on their table and stuff like we can't just cancel everything and live on bread and cheese and wear rags until the world heals because that will kill everyone who's jobs aren't making bread or cheese or rags or delivering them, do you get me

But then you log into this site and get a barrage of like reinforcement of disordered thoughts about morality like actually you are in fact a horrible person for buying a $6 fancy beverage instead of donating that money to charity and my brain is like oh God oh my God oh crap, like this Can't be good for me and how DEEP my hole is, you know, like I'm not just some guy addicted to treating myself and not knowing when someone else should get a slice of my pie I'm in a PIT so deep every time I take a shower I feel guilty for wasting clean water on myself someone else could drink that I have NO WAY of giving to anyone I can't even if I wanted to like 😐

Anyway it's not to say I want to like Quit social media necessarily I'm just kinda in my initial realization phase that it's like worse than I thought, and like I'm sure it's not all done by people making a performance of their armchair activism but I think what they're doing is like throwing fuel into an echo chamber of like, other people like experiencing these things as disordered thoughts but aren't recognizing them as such so instead and posing them as like true ethical Facts and shipping it off to the disordered echo chamber of it.

Idk like I think it might be kinda Messed Up, like, recently I saw this one post where someone like like aggressively ripping some other person apart for saying like "it's not normal for the human mind to comprehend so much suffering" re: current event and being like AND THATS WHY YOU SHOULD CARE YOU SELFISH IGNORAMUS (paraphrasing idk) and it's like, you're putting words in mouths man like who's saying no one should care, it's not an unreasonable statement to simply say this is not normal and is surely psychologically overwhelming for people, to deny even just the very recognition of that, imo, is exactly the kind of shit that makes this site a saw trap for people with moral ocd like why are you trying to be the worst psychologist on earth on Tumblr

Anyway so. Idk. Much to think about 😔 i suppose

[kcdodger]

Honestly, I feel like one of the only Starfield fans out there. There's so little talk about how good the game actually is, because everyone seemed to expect it to be like... "Elite Dangerous or Star Citizen but good" without realizing that those games are *bad* because of their fundamental basis in, well. Nothing. See, Elite was always a game with promise, but it has some of the most worthless head developers in the industry. Designed like an F2P MMO with a quarter of the content, around an exceptional flight model based in the most uselessly large 1:1 scale galaxy I have ever seen. Scale is useless if you cannot use it. (Starfield suffers immensely from this too, by the way.) But Star Citizen is also another promiser with no real delivery at all.

The game is driven by ship sales and almost half the game is still in development, and it's been well over ten years now. They promised 100 star systems but have only delivered on what, Stanton and Pyro? Again, Starfield suffers from this too. Can't lie. But you know what Starfield has that neither of them have? A story. Characters. Voice work. Cultures to explore and experience, even if they ARE small. ACTUAL worldbuilding beyond ship based combat. Fully traversable ship interiors and exteriors without exception. If you hate Starfield beause it isn't "Well realized or big enough of a space system" you both don't understand the intent of the game nor do you understand what it *does* have. Yes, there's stock repeatable dungeons everywhere, yes, they do get old. Yes, perhaps there is simply too much open "junk space" - but, like. Ultimately? It does deliver on just about every promise both Elite: Dangerous and Star Citizen made. "Oh but it's not seamless!" You don't want that. Trust me. In Elite and SC, you only travel to POIs. It's true. The scale is too large in either game to even consider doing anything else. You really do just fly from one identical point to another in those games. I guess maybe not SC, but SC's locations are, frankly, single player RPG sized theme parks. At best. ED: Frontiers didn't add anything meaningful to the game, despite adding space legs. It's not a fulfilling SP or MP experience. Its shooting mechanics suck. Its other mechanics are, frankly, useless - if interesting. It's just not built for that.

Admittedly, in a lot of ways? Starfield feels like a Single Player Star Wars Galaxies, to me. Fully traversable ships, decently large on-foot areas to explore, POIs to travel to, and fully realized stories and characters, with just about as good worldbuilding and realization. Perhaps that's why Starfield appeals to me so much. Because it scratches an itch that SWG did, but E:D and SC completely and utterly failed to. I'll give E:D this. It might be the greatest space sim to play if you work an office 9-5 or are unemployed. I'm saying it's great if you have nothing but free time, basically. If you don't, it's pretty awful and does not respect your time. "Starfield has so many loading screens!" one may say. Yeah, it does. so do ED and SC. But they hide them behind entering and exiting FTL jumps. Does that FEEL like a loading screen? No, not to the uninitiated. But once you're in there, the waits become kind of agonizing and obvious. It's like Mass Effect's elevators. The Loading Screens are still there, but you have the illusion removed. Could Starfield benefit from immersive loading screens? Yeah, honestly it could. I mean, Star Wars: Outlaws coming out next month is doing it. And your average plebeian gamer doesn't realize that's what it is - a loading screen between instances and POIs. If Starfield added that, it'd do them a lot of good. Though, sadly it would also run in the face of their lovely photo-mode-pics-are-loading-screens function, which I adore. But for the health of the game, I am willing to eschew that. Heartbreakingly. If Starfield added that, it'd do them a lot of good. Though, sadly it would also run in the face of their lovely photo-mode-pics-are-loading-screens function, which I adore. But for the health of the game, I am willing to eschew that. Heartbreakingly.

[arklayraven]

3, 12, 26, 29.

Thank you for the ask. 💜

3. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

Nightmare Before Christmas, Resident Evil Damnation, Batman: Under the Red Hood

12. what’s some good advice you want to share?

Ain't good with this stuff I feel so yeah...But...Cling to what makes you happy and keeps ya going...Even if it's fiction, a character, or a harmless hobby/passion. Even if others might see it as nothing, pointless, silly, etc...

If it means lots to ya, makes ya happy and has great meaning to ya. Especially if it helps ya through the days and your life, especially during those dark times. Then that's all that matters in the end. Your happiness matters.

So cling to that and never let it go...but by some chance, you do lose it or it fades away(like love for a series/character/etc) naturally in time, or for other reasons...Look for another thing to make ya happy and keep ya going...Just don't stop seeking and clinging to things that keep ya living and help ya find a reason to smile and keep going...

(This especially goes for f/os, even if your mind screams at ya they aren't real and you're fucking alone and will never experience or feel real love/affection/etc. fuck that voice. if living in fantasy, with them, keeps ya going and makes ya happy. and it ain't harming anyone and stuff. then cling to those fictional loves of yours and let them shower you with the love, care and happiness you damn deserve...maybe i'm saying this more for myself but i'm sure someone might relate or need this too...)

26. fave colour and why?

Don't have just one but lately been very attached to purple...I don't recall exactly why but...I guess because of mystical reasons? I dunno...but it's pretty color and use it often now. lol

29. what do you do when you’re sad?

...Like to make me feel better?? Cope?? tbh not much helps i feel...once sadness(depression) hits, its like...being buried alive, or dragged down in the dark waters and I can't get out...So I just...ride it out...or wait it out until I finally am set free again from the suffering.

...If I do have the will to do something though in those rare times, than just feel so weak I can't move and crap...I try to watch some youtube videos of my favorite gamers or such...In hopes to get a good laugh from them. Laughter is the best medicine after all...that's what they say. Or play some video games...(speaking of which...want to buy RE2 remake that's on sale rn, might be a good distraction and pick me up but want to save money for future stuff too. lol hard to decide so still thinking about it)

[theghostofashton]

Hello Neha!

7, 24 and 25 please :)

hi ada! thank you :)

7. your preferred writing fonts

i'm very basic and like garamond a lot, also tnr which is a classic. however i also (embarrassingly) am very fond of a font that is incredibly close to comic sans called chalkboard

the line i posted this morning, for reference

idk what it is, i think i liked it as a kid?? and it stuck somehow i can't bring myself to change it and i genuinely feel like i write faster in this font lol

24. how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

i.....don't and just suffer lol

for real this is kinda what i've been dealing with for a little while now and it's such a frustrating feeling. my go-tos are usually reading a lot and listening to the playlist i've made for whatever i'm working on. scrolling through pinterest and adding to the board for the story also helps! mostly i just end up needing to wait it out which is really annoying

25. besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

reading, photography, running, concert-going, cooking, a little bit of gaming (and by that i mean the sims and pokémon i am not a gamer in the slightest lol)

fic writer asks!!

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

What do you think about Nathalie's original plotline of wanting to betray Gabriel after getting the Miraculous from the heroes so she can use the Wish herself in order to make Gabriel fall in love with her (according to the leaked Bible this used to be her motivation for helping Gabriel all along but it got scrapped from the show before it ever came up). Do you think this would've been a better plot for Nathalie than what we've got ?

I have extremely mixed feelings about that concept, so let's talk through them!

On the one hand, I am here for Nathalie having a motivation beyond, "I love Gabriel so much that I will do everything to make him happy, even if it means committing terrorism, supporting child abuse, and forfeiting my life!" While that kind of selfless motivation can make for an interesting character - or at least an interesting character arc - it requires a lot more character development than Nathalie was given. The way they did it in the show is just another entry in the show's troubling trend of making characters (and notably mainly female characters) do stupid stuff in the name of love.

Love making people do stupid things is a very real phenomena, so I'm not against that happening from time to time. But love can also make you do wonderful things and miraculous rarely shows us those moments. All the big, dramatic, love-based choices have been ones that lead to dire consequences and personal suffering even if the choice was framed as a loving and/or selfless act. Because of that, I'm okay with Nathalie's "sacrifice" being re-framed as a selfish act done because she thinks that she'll be able to get the miraculous and make herself healthy again.

This alternate motivation would pair well with Gabriel's motivation. I like that because they're co-conspirators, so having them share a theme of selfish love would allow for some interesting ideas. For example, what if we did something crazy and let the villains selfish love continually hurt them while the heroes' selfless love continually led to victory? I know, I'm crazy! Who would want that kind of nonsense in a show that's supposed to be all about love and friendship? (Btw, that was sarcasm)

At the same time, I'm really tired of characters being defined by their romantic interests and little else. It makes sense for Gabriel since he's our big bad who is doing everything out of love for his wife, but all of the other characters should be allowed to have more interesting, rich lives in which romance is just one of the many things that they have going on. It would make for a more interesting cast AND really highlight that Gabriel's love is unhealthy while the "true love" of our teens is healthy. A very important theme that has been painfully absent from the show even though it seemed like it was going to be a thing back in the early seasons!

Nino made movies. Marinette was super into fashion and helping her friends. Adrien liked video games and seemed to be into fencing, too. But as time has gone on, the story has become more and more focused on the romantic relationships, pushing aside plots that focus on other things and I'm not a fan.

I'm a big fan of the idea that the foundations of a good romance are a strong friendship and all members of the romantic relationship having personal lives separate from their romantic partner(s). As such, I want a show that gives friendship and romance equal billing. It can even be the friendship between the romantic leads! Episodes like Gamer and Horrificator were excellent in those regards as they allowed for some nice romantic tension while also developing the characters' interests and backstories.

In summary, if we fix canon so that the teen characters all have more healthy romantic relationships, then I'm pretty open to Nathalie keeping her original motivation as it certainly has potential. However, I'd only give it to her if Nathalie and Gabriel were going to get a lot more screen time and development as it adds a lot of complexity to their dynamic and - as I said in another recent post - you shouldn't add complexity to your story unless you're going to actually explore it.

Personally, I don't see myself ever adding this to Nathalie's character since I generally don't have much interest in developing her and Gabriel. Instead, I usually just switch Nathalie's motivation from love of Gabriel to love of Emilie and no, I don't mean romantic love. While I'm totally cool with lesbian Nathalie, I'm a massive fan of her being motivated out of platonic love simply because we don't see that often enough. It's always romance, romance, romance with a little familial love thrown in here and there for diversity and that's fine. Those are strong motivators. But platonic love can be just as powerful and Miraculous is supposed to be about romantic love AND friendship and I don't see why we need to limit the friendship angle to the teen characters. If Gabriel is our example of selfish romantic love, then let Nathalie be our example of selfish friendship.

Assuming that Emilie is some flavor of decent parent, do you really think that she's going to look at Gabriel and Nathalie's actions and be pleased by how they treated Adrien? No! She's going to be furious with both of them! Gabriel for hatching this crazy plot and Nathalie for going along with it. (Btw, this is yet another reason why I like good Emilie. Gabriel and Nathalie are so freaking selfish that I don't really see them caring if the law, the heroes, or the guardians find them guilty. They'd only care about Emilie's judgement and maybe Adrien's. I can see Gabriel going to jail unphased, but melting into a puddle when Emilie serves him with divorce papers while refusing to speak to him. I want him to get his wish - though ideally not via his own actions - but have it be a total monkey's paw!)

[marismoments39]

:-0 no problem if you're not an avid yuri gal! I'd say not a lot has been animated anyway lol. Dragon maid is. Uh. -_-. And I would say adachi n shimamura suffers from "adapted from a light novel so its kinda weird" so I'm not surprised you didnt hook onto those.

If you ever want suggestions you might like slow start or demon girl next door, both pretty fun slice of life comedy affairs. For more action akuma no riddle is still solid.

Enough about that though, we can see you like genshin, but do you play a lot of other games?

Ah, I see! Thanks for the recommendations! It'll probably take me a long while to get around to them (as you can see with my.. very slow ask-answering....) but I'll bear them in mind for whenever I wanna start something new!

anyways, as for games? I'm in a bit of a situation here!! my computer.. SUCKS. it has like NO SPACE!! I only have FOUR GAMES on it!!!!

those being (in order of when I first played them:)

-Minecraft (bedrock) (this computer can't run java and honestly I blame minecraft itself) -Terraria -Genshin Impact -Honkai: Star Rail

I LOVE all of these games SO VERY MUCH!! well, maybe star rail still needs to grow on me, but ALL THE OTHERS I LOVE THEM! this list probably doesn't give you a good idea of what I am as a gamer lol, these are all extremely popular games, I do have a NINTENDO SWITCH!! THOUGH!!! ISN'T THAT COOL??? I still don't believe I have it

here are the games I have on there (in order of hours played)

-Hollow Knight -Hatsune Miku: Project Diva: Mega Mix -Sonic Frontiers -Sonic Mania (plus) -Pokemon Scarlet -Deltarune -Hatsune Miku Logic Paint S -Hatsune Miku Jigsaw Puzzle -PuyoPuyo Tetris 2 -Rain world (mainly got it cuz of pow but GOD is it hard) -Everhood -Ace Attourney

-I also tried out games like A Hat in Time and Stardew Valley, though they were fun to watch, I didn't have much fun playing them. which is sad. I don't know how to refund on switch lol

some of these games only have low hours because I just got them. like ace attourney? under an hour of gametime lol

I'll tell you a little anecdote about each game!!

Hollow Knight: I first played hollow knight at my cousin's house in 2018(or 2019?) I sorta sucked at it. I remember saying "this is just swordigo but, like, better" and I guess I was right? swordigo's a mobile metroidvania I used to play btw lol~ anyways in 2020(??? or 2021?????) one of my favourite youtubers (merg) started playing hollow knight and I was like huh..! this is actually sorta fun?? I didn't have an income nor allowance at the time so I couldn't BUY the game for myself.. so I watched his ENTIRE series before I bought the game for myself!! still, it was fun!

Hatsune Miku: Project Diva: You may not know this game, but there are two modes! arcade mode, and mix mode! arcade mode is like the mode where you hold the joy-cons vertically and use like motion controls and uh it's complicated but basically I LOVE THAT!! I LOVE THE MOTION CONTROLS SO MUCH!! LITERALLY THE ONLY GAME WHERE I LIKE THEM LOL!!! Also! Project Diva is what got me into vocaloid! not the other way round! isn't that cool!!!

Sonic fron... wait. I'm gonna. I'm gonna be typing this post forever

obviously this isn't every game I've played ever, I mean how can any list of moon's favourite games be complete without min hero?? uh, but, I don't wanna be typing this list forever! how about this, if any of those games sounded interesting, say so! I'll give you stories! I have a TON!!

Thanks for the ask!

[eemoo1o-animoo]

Wdym Claude was doomed by the writing and not narrative I'm curious to see how that differe

From: (x)

You seem nice enough, so I assume you’re not here to tell me that I’m shit at using words, and for that I’m grateful. 😅

(After posting this I’m going to go back to posts which I reference/would give further explanation to my ramblings, so if by chance you read this before all the links are added, I’d recommend coming back.)

Actually, what I mean by that is that Claude’s character (general consensus thereof aside, being: flat, unreactive, dispassionate, etc., especially in contrast to Alois and, especially, Sebastian) is quite inconsistent.

In fact, from what I remember, episode one and six appear to have the most consistent Claude in comparison to the rest of the season (oh god, including “the derailment” in episode nine but that’s to be expected—but more on that in a minute).

That being said, episode six then had a minutely different Alois/undertone to episode one (episode one being the “set up” episode that I refer back to for my darling, darling sliver of the endangered “Soft Claude”), with Alois referencing “punishing Claude” when prior to and even after this it’s never brought up at all, and the esteem in which Alois holds Claude anyway disallows him from ever “punishing” him, anyway, so it feels quite out of character in that regard.

Episode nine is the blood tasting episode, if I recall correctly (or, perhaps that is at the very end of episode eight?) is, what I call, “the derailment”, for the whole series and plot completely shifts tonally and so does the characterisation of Claude.

Claude was eventually the scapegoat for the writers trying to get back on track from the “set up of recurring characters” they’d had in practice to the “season exclusive arc” they had on paper. For that, Claude’s characterisation suffered.

Hashtag Flanderisation, am I right, gamers? (Please don’t sue me.)

It wasn’t even flanderisation, technically, either! Because most of the attributes inflated (ie. “creepiness” and “perverseness”) post-blood tasting weren’t present let alone even hinted to in prior episodes, inconsistent characterisation of all season-exclusive parties aside!

I’m a big advocate for “Claude’s characterisation deserved better” (then with the immediate clarification of “not his character—just his characterisation”).

In fact, it was @indigoipsum that brought to light the popular hypothesis that each episode was written by a different writing team, hence the inconsistencies (some of which were exclusive to an episode each, like Claude’s “soft moment” in episode one or Alois’ mentions of punishing Claude in episode six, to name some, but there are more). An idea which none of us have gone back to check the season’s credits to prove, and so it just floats in the air, unproven, and we’re okay with that.

(It’s also an idea that made me a bit upset, for whatever reason, because I’d become quite attached to the “Soft Claude” scene in episode one, as I’d rewatched the episode to analyse Claude and Alois for a fic. For the record I’d pumped out like a billion bullet points after going frame by frame analysing anything I could.)

I go into further detail of it here, a post that was prompted by Indigo telling me the aforementioned theory.

As far as season two goes, someone with a better recollection than me would be @nullb1rdbones, who tends to rewatch it all on the near-daily, it seems, so off I send you for further in-detail questions about the season, and not Claude / ramblings about the writing (of which you are more than welcome to come back to me whenever you feel you must).

So I guess, what I mean by what you’re asking, is that the “narrative” would be the perspective of which he’d been put into the story (I don’t doubt he was always meant to be the season villain, but in the beginning it certainly wasn’t delivered as thoroughly as what it was later on), but the writing was… the writing made it worse, I guess is what I’m trying to say.

Hopefully, that clears some of the confusion (explaining myself is hard).

And, hopefully, I do these characters more justice than the canon ever did (and what they deserve because not believing that good writing is what they deserve makes me sad. Fuck you, estrogen 🖕) in my upcoming fic, Claudetails.

I doubt it will be hard, though. The badness of writing makes it so easy to trump it. (And yet so, so difficult.)

Thanks for the ask, anon! Hope you come again soon.