#Writing this at midnight so probably not well structured or written

[dicesmasher]

Mental Outsourcing for DMs

Let the players help you!

DMs have to keep track of a LOT of stuff, especially in combat, especially when the fight involves multiple types of monsters, allied NPCs in the party, and the PCs of absent players. On top of this, any interesting combat will be more than damage numbers - it will involve spells, status conditions, terrain, et cetera. And you need to be switched-on for every turn, every round until the fight is resolved, improvising, strategising and flexing your rules muscles.

Meanwhile, the only thing a player typically has to keep track of is their own resources, and they often don't have to engage with the fight until it's their turn.

After running a game today that involved combat with multiple allied NPCs with their own sets of abilities, and feeling the mental strain of a complex combat that took forever just to get through the first round, it became obvious that I was struggling to keep things going smoothly.

A player of mine suggested after the session that I could have handed the NPCs to some of the players, so they would be the ones having to keep track of them, not me. This discussion then expanded into the issue of players controlling the characters of other players.

DMs often have different methods for dealing with the absence of one or more players. You could just find an excuse for them to not be in the party for the time being - Critical Role is known for doing this, and it's a good solution for player absences that are expected to last several sessions. However, you can't always really justify a PC leaving the group, leading to another tactic, to just keep the PC in physically but reduce their presence roleplay-wise, and control them in combat - good DMs often have access to their PC's character sheets anyway.

This second method comes with its own problems. If the PC is present for a major story beat involving them and their backstory, the player won't be there to roleplay it out and make their own decisions, making this a poor method depending on where you are in the campaign's story. Also, any character involved in combat is at risk of dying, and no player wants to find out that their character died while they weren't at the table.

This can be mitigated. Firstly, if a player can't be there for a session they really need to be in, I cancel the game and find something else to do with the group, like a one-shot with different characters (good if you know about the absence well in advance), playing another game (especially a rules-light RPG with little prep) or just watching a movie or having a chat (I'm still promising my group we will watch Dungeons and Dragons 2000, the shitty one with Jeremy Irons.)

Mitigating the second problem comes mainly from an agreement among that group that anyone handling another player's character do so responsibly and respectfully and will be very careful to keep that character alive, even if that means the PC starts making out-of-character decisions. The DM can also give that character plot armour by having enemies attack them less often, or letting them survive situations that would normally require passing some hard checks. (Example, the party just barely escape an old mine full of monsters, but the barbarian got left behind in the chaos. As the rest of the party starts lamenting his loss, he staggers out of the entrance, having somehow survived, covered in the blood of himself and his enemies, and collapses unconscious.)

Of course, I was already doing this when I was controlling absent players' characters as the DM. All I need to do is give another player access to that character sheet, and let them play it out. In combat, that player now gets to control two characters on different initiatives, allowing them to get a taste of something different while also getting to engage even more than usual in the game.

I'm going to try establishing a common repository for character sheets in my group, which would get updated at least for each level-up that occurs. If a player has to skip a session, I can then just ask them for their status in terms of resources (HP, spell slots, etc.) to quickly remake their character sheet and hand it to whoever else is willing to use it.

[foxes-that-run]

William Bowery

William Bowery may be more than one person. William Bowery was a mystery from Folklore’s release 24 July 2020 until the Long Pond Sessions were released on Disney+ on 25 November 2020. When Taylor first talked about it she was not at ease, here in the interview with Zane Lowe she has a pause when talking about Joe writing Exile (49:34)

In the Long Pond Sessions talking about Exile Taylor says Joe wrote the piano and male lyrics. Jack moves his foot and clarifies “Jesus, lyrics too?” Which Taylor agrees with, adding Joe has such a low voice.

For Betty Taylor said "I just heard Joe singing the entire fully formed chorus of Betty from another room yeah" and "I've written so many songs from a female's perspective of wanting a male apology that we decided to make it from a teenage boy's perspective apologizing after he loses the love of his life because he's been foolish" Jack: "allegedly" "no he's been foolish" Jack: "well, we don't know who William Bowery is". "He's a fool, he's been foolish, we wrote it I'm confirming."

to Zane Lowe Taylor (25 Mins) said she and Joe love songs, she said that Joe wrote the melodic structure and she wrote the lyrics.

"We always bonded over music and had the same musical tastes and he's always the person who's showing me songs by artists and then they become my favorite songs". Funny, Harry has tweeted 6 hours worth of song recommendations.

Also to Zane Lowe, she said "we wrote it exactly the same way we did exile where Joe wrote the piano [pause and sharp breath in] I based the vocal melody on the piano and we sent it to justin" "Joe had written the piano part so that it the tempo speeds up and it changes the music completely changes to a different tempo in the bridge" (Below, Joe says he can play 'piano pretty badly')

7 December 2023 - In Taylors Time Magazine Person of the year article she referenced a number of Harry's inspirations and dressed like them. She referred to Paul McCartney who inspired Sweet Nothing and Bob Dylan who was an influence on Betty.

The name

I think every British guy is probably related to a William, as both Harry and Joe are. Harry has stayed at the Bowery Hotel a lot, including the week he met and started dating Taylor. Joe was also reported to be pictured there in October 2016 with Taylor. Which is not that unusual, it's a cool hotel.

Harry's last pre-pandemic show was the Fine Line secret session on March 2 at the Bowery Ballroom when he also replaced “beechwood cafe” with “Bowery ballroom” in falling He has stayed at the Bowery Hotel in April 2012 (when first dating Taylor) and returned in 2013, 2014, 2017, 2019 and 2022. Harry's grandfathers middle name was William.

Joe told Kelly Clarkson "William, my great-grandfather, who I actually never met was a composer. He wrote a lot of classical music and he wrote a lot of film scores, and then Bowery is the area in New York that I spent a lot of time in when I first went over there.” Joe was reportedly pictured at the Bowery October 2016.

Song credits

William Bowery is still credited as the songwriter of 3 songs on Folklore: Exile, Betty & Champagne Problems. He's also credited as a writer on Coney Island, Evermore, and Sweet Nothing on Midnights.

In April 2021 Joe Alwyn was credited as a producer for 6 songs of Folklore, including 3 songs William Bowery is not a writer on. Joe has no credits on Evermore and Midnights.

For comparison, Taylor is listed as the writer on This is what you came for, rather than her previous pseudonym

Timeline

25 November 2020 Taylor announced it in the Long Pond Session.

2021 ? I can't find Joe saying anything about it before April 2022?

15 March 2021 Folklore wins AOY Taylor said "I had the best time writing songs with you in quarantine" in her Grammy acceptance speech, (Aaron pursed his lip)

?? April 2021 - Joe has production credits on 6 songs

5 December 2021 - You're Losing Me was written

19 April 2022 - When asked if they'd write again, Joe told Elle "“It’s not a plan of mine, no.”

18 May 2022 - Taylor stopped liking Joe's IG posts and he didn't come to her NYU graduation.

19 May 2022 - Joe went on Kelly Clarkson to talk William Bowery, he looks down and blinks a lot when speaking.

After this Joe looked mad in the VMAs and walk before Midnights release and not seen again

21 October 2022 - Midnights released with Sweet Nothing, Joe doesn't seem to have been mentioned by Taylor or her team.

Always playing instruments

To Zane Lowe Taylor said, while discussing William Bowery:

"He's always just playing instruments and he doesn't do it in a strategic ‘I’m writing a song right now’ thing he's always done that”

However, even after Folklore Joe said this on playing instruments:

Saying, “I like music, and I played a bit of guitar awfully in a school band when I was 12.” and “I can play piano pretty badly, but never with the intent of, ‘Right, it’s time for my jazz-fusion album.'”

Harry has spoken about the importance of constantly picking up instruments, has hunted down unique guitars and a Dulcimer for Fine Line. In 2013 was taking piano lessons while touring with One Direction, now he tours with a Piano on tour to write on. Like the 10 minute ballad he wrote for the last LOT show.

Sweet nothing

Sweet nothing could be about Paul and Linda McCartney.

Taylor liked this old post with it the day she released you’re losing me and announced it was written 12 December 2021. The post links sweet nothing to a Paul McCartney Quote about Linda. Harry has referenced Paul and Linda’s collaboration album Ram many times, long before the WB songs:

To Howard stern in February 2020

To rolling stone in 2019

In his another man mix tape in 2017

Paul also interviewed Harry or Another Man and gave him advice on going solo. And Sweet Creature's melody has an homage to Paul's Blackbird.

Paul and Taylor also interviewed each other for Rolling Stone, it is fantastic interview, after Folklore. Interestingly they talk about pseudonyms and Taylor doesn't mention Joe or William Bowery. But does talk about writing under Nils Sjöberg.

"A pseudonym comes in is when you still have a love for making the work and you don’t want the work to become overshadowed by this thing that’s been built around you, based on what people know about you. And that’s when it’s really fun to create fake names and write under them." "I remembered always hearing that when Prince wrote “Manic Monday,” they didn’t reveal it for a couple of months."

Paul said his pseudonym was Fireman, which is referenced in the video for Willow. The phrasing of 'thing that is built around you' is really interesting. Joe does not have much built around him in terms of public persona, and writing together in the pandemic is remarkable, but not inconsistent with a public persona.

Bon Iver

Taylor said she hoped Bon Iver would do the project because ‘they are huge fans’ and Joe has a low voice. Justin Vernon and Harry Styles sound similar. So much so critics pointed out that that Fine Line has similarity to Bon Iver songs, Roslyn for example. This mash up also highlights this:

Even Liam Gallagher agrees, saying in 2019 that on fine line Harry sounded like Bon Iver:

20

William Bowery’s writing credits are on Folklore’s tracks 2, 4 and 14 (2+4+14=20) (see 20), folklore also came out 2020.

[storm-and-starlight]

Doctors that could pull off Heaven Sent, as in the same plot and structure of the episode as it stands in canon:

Twelve -- obviously.

Eight -- He just seems like someone who could pull off a monologue and make it interesting -- I don't know if he could pull off the "that's a hell of a bird" (I need to relisten to the audios), but a.) I feel like he could and he could definitely pull off punching through the wall (he'd be much more of a sad wet cat about it though) and b.) I would absolutely watch Eight wander sadly around a mysterious castle for fifty minutes and not even because I'm starved for live-action appearances of Paul McGann.

Doctors who could maybe pull off Heaven Sent, but it would probably need some pretty major plot/style revisions to make it work:

Seven -- once again, he could absolutely pull off a monologue and make it interesting, and he's got the charisma and the ego to carry off an episode with him as the only character, but the episode would need to have a fairly dramatic tone shift to work with who he is as a person. Seven's speeches are very different in style and tone, and his solution to the episode would need to be immensely different.

Four -- 100% has the ego  to pull it off, but I'm not sure I can see him giving any of the speeches. I'm putting him into this category for the ego reasons, but he kind of also falls into the next one, where tonally it might be the same as the episode but it would need a plot/character/action shift, probably towards a much stronger puzzle sort of mystery.

Doctors who could pull off a focus episode at the level of Heaven Sent but would need a fundamentally different style of episode:

Fourteen/Ten -- they absolutely have the on-screen charisma to pull off an episode where they're the total focus, but Fourteen/Ten doesn't have the kind of speech patterns/problem-solving style that lends itself well to being a solo character. He needs someone to bounce off of so he can talk ten miles a minute and still have it work. (As a side note, this entire ranking was built around the idea that Wild Blue Yonder is basically Fourteen's Heaven Sent, and like... it really is, and also that's what I'm talking about when I say he needs someone to bounce off of -- we get just as much focus on him even with three other characters in the episode. Same with Midnight, really, but that's got too many other people to really be what I'm talking about.)

Nine -- I feel like Nine would have to go the route of getting really really angry to pull off that kind of focus episode, which means he'd need an outright antagonist he could interact with. (So basically just Dalek, tbh, but. y'know. more.)

Doctors who probably couldn't manage something like Heaven Sent: (NOT a commentary on whether or not these doctors are well-written or interesting or have distinct character writing, just a note that I think they need the rest of the cast around them in a way that a Heaven Sent-esque episode, by its very nature, removes them.)

Eleven & Five -- I don't want to sound mean but they just don't super, like... have enough ego to pull it off? They've always read as fairly mild compared to, say, Ten and Seven's mania or Twelve and Four and Nine's intensity, and their quirkiness works best when its contrasted or counterparted with someone who does have that kind of intensity (River Song) or characters who are a lot more "normal" (Amy and Rory, Nyssa and Tegan).

One, Two, & Three -- They just work best as part of an ensemble cast, like not even the case with Ten where they need someone to bounce off of, they literally just work best in stories when they're part of a group.

Doctors I don't have a good idea for:

Fifteen, Thirteen, & Six -- I either just have not seen enough of their eras or don't have a good enough grasp of their personalities (sometimes both) to say whether or not I think they'd work in an episode like this, so anyone who's got a better grasp of them please tell me what you think!

(IMPORTANT NOTE: this is categorically not a comment on any of the actors' skills -- this is about whether or not I think each Doctor as they are written would be interesting to watch in a Heaven Sent-like setting -- aka would each Doctor's personality, transported into that setting and plot, be interesting to watch or would it be dull and/or a tonal mismatch. The actors are all amazing and I love each and every one of them)

[ladyaj-13]

I'm late, yes, but it is still technically January... :)

I hope you’re all having a good start to the new year! This month features Ziam and Larry.

Ziam

If It Makes You Feel Alive (It's Alright) - beardyboyzx - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own] @beardyboyzx - 18k, T, 2022 - uni AU, internal conflict, coming out. I loved this fic so much. Liam’s confusion and realisation is so well written.

Larry

I Want You (Won’t You Say So) - LadyLondonderry - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own] @londonfoginacup - T, 2k, 2022 - canon, tour buses, competitive smart watch wearing. Ahh, I loved this. It’s so funny, go check it out immediately.

After Midnight - zarah5 - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own] @zarah5 - T, 4k, 2013 - canon, protective Louis, first date. This is so tentative, strangely inevitable, and also so hopeful. This author needs no introduction but perhaps we need a reminder to re-read this little slice of perfection.

Ho Ho Hopefully - safetyfilm - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own] @larrieblr - T, 5k, 2022 - Elf!Harry, Christmas. This is such an inventive idea, where elves are given humans to find presents for. It’s such a cute Christmassy fic! I loved it.

Southern Comfort - kingsofeverything - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own] @kingsofeverything - E, 5k, 2022 - girl direction, American South AU. There’s a whole world in this fic. It’s written so evocatively, I would like another 40k please 🤣

Foolishly, Completely Falling - dea_liberty - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own] @dea - NR, 8k, 2013 - canon, friends to lovers, Tumblr. This fic is JUST. SO. GOOD. Louis is wonderful, the relationship between him and Harry is told so well, the Tumblr bits are hilarious. You’ve probably read this before, but isn’t now a good time to revisit it?

All Shook Up - littleroverlouis - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own] @littleroverlouis - T, 9k, 2022 - Elvis impersonators, American AU. This is so much fun, I want a ticket to this event please, and it comes with great art too! 

It's Thursday. Let's Get (un)Dressed. - bananaheathen - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own] @bananaheathen - E, 9k, 2023 - tiktok, genderfluid Harry, strangers to lovers. This is so good. It’s sweet and soft and beautifully written, and both Harry and Louis’ characters in this are so wonderful.

Midnight - kingsofeverything - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own] @kingsofeverything - E, 10k, 2022 - omegaverse, bartender!Harry, friends with benefits. I’m pretty weak for clothes sharing and misunderstandings, and this fic has both in droves. I loved it.

Eyes on the Horizon - yeah_alright - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own] @uhoh-but-yeah-alright - E, 12k, 2022 - older Harry, skydiving instructor Louis, fluff and humour. Okay, so the idea of skydiving scares the bejesus out of me. I am perfectly happy to have reached an age where I’m unable to be peer pressured into it. But the writing here, for a few seconds, had me considering it 🤣 I also love the immediate pull between Louis and Harry. Go read this fic, you won’t regret it.

Saw It In Your Eyes - taggiecb - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own] @taggiecb - E, 15k, 2018 - flatmates, AU, tattoos, oblivious!Harry. God I love some good obliviousness, and I also love the way the author has portrayed the Larry relationship in this fic. They’re such good friends! (They’re clearly not just friends.)

Lonely Shadow Dancers - ohpleaselarry - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own] - E, 20k, 2022 - canon but make it omegaverse, childhood friends, mutual pining. This fic is so well-written, the emotional reaction is real, omg. I loved it, and it was really unique to read these two points - childhood friends and omegaverse - folded into a canon setting, then also with a non-linear structure. Interesting and inventive! 

Late Night Talking - kingsofeverything - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own] @kingsofeverything - E, 53k, 2022 - famous/famous, half-AU (Louis is Louis, Harry is a talk show host), friends to lovers. Okay, yes. I may have been having a bit of a binge of this author’s fics, but WHY WOULDN’T YOU quite frankly, every single one is perfect. This one was exactly what I wanted, even though I didn’t know it.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

OK my initial thoughts on midnights

reputation's older sister we all deserve

i can't decide if it's more production-driven or lyric-driven. obviously the production is Very In Your Face (not in a bad way) but i think it's a lowkey powerhouse lyrical album. it's packed with so many clever lines that she just glosses over that will take me probably a hundred listens to fully appreciate.

i know the entire album will grow on me over time because it's produced very well, but right now i find the album as a whole "good" with some fantastic standouts. anti-hero is far and away my favourite. sweet nothing is everything to me. you're on your own kid fucks me up. i know vigilante shit is super billie eilish but i LOVE it. midnight rain disappointed me at first but now i love it. chasing the PAIN. HE STAYED THE SAME. question...? also was one that's grown on me. sounds kinda 1989-ish? i need to give the rest a better listen. esp the 3am tracks. meaning i will be back with more brain dumps

the way that taylor has a song called vigilante shit and then 4 tracks later claims she's too soft for it all is Very John Of Her

mastermind is EXTREMELY paul coded as a whole, but the opening lines??? JPJPJP: Once upon a time, the planets and the fates/ And all the stars aligned / You and I ended up in the same room / At the same time ??!?!!? okay taylor your mclennon is showing

back to anti-hero. i think it's both paul/john coded and here's why:

One day I'll watch as you're leaving / 'Cause you got tired of my scheming / For the last time - this is paul!!!

I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror / It must be exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero - this is john!!!

I wake up screaming from dreaming / One day I'll watch as you're leaving / And life will lose all of its meaning / For the last time - this is both john and paul!!!

ok i'll be back over the coming days with more thoughts :)

let's go through this systematically:

yes. agree 100%

I think in a way both because, based on the description of how it was made, I think it was probably mostly written on the spot in the studio or with minimal preparation in advance from Taylor? So I think the production was chosen whilst the song itself unfolded which I think contributes to some of the really cool, unique moments.

Agree, the album didn't throw me around the bender on my first listen like folklore did, but so many moments just had me grinning. Anti-Hero is like the FIRST TIME that my fave is everyone else's fave + the song getting the single treatment. The music video is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Sweet Nothing is so astonishingly nothing and You're On Your Own, Kid gives me CHILLS towards the end I don't know how she does it. I really love the structure/narrative framing of Question…? it's really unique and adds so much depth. Labyrinth is sooooooo

She's a bad bitch with anxiety <3 let her be <3

ACTUALLY. hottake among swiftles perhaps (?) but I don't think Mastermind is Paul-coded in that I've never perceived Paul to be Like That about a relationship (vs about like his art). I mean... maybe? But that's not the vibe I've ever gotten from him. John? IDK maybe, they both come off differently to me, more stumbling into their relationships jkddfjk. It's actually hard for me to associate the song with either because when I heard it, I was just like. Yup. That's YOU. Like it's one of the most quintessential HER songs I've ever heard, not like, it's a staple of her writing technique but it's her personality. It literally makes me in love with her lol

Yeah I see the song as both now, but I think it's much more close to a song John would actually release I guess? It's also the fact that this is Taylor at her messiest, which doesn't bring up Paul-associations, if that makes sense?

ALSO DID YOU SEE THE MUSIC VIDEO???? IT'S SO GOOD!!!

[homestuckdailyweekly]

Homestuck Daily - Week 3 - 5/4/2024

>Emma: Write Homestuck Daily Week 3 Post.

You are sitting at your DESK, sitting in your new DESK CHAIR and trying your best to figure out how to start the 4th update to your VERY DUMB IDEA. However, you are finding yourself afflicted with WRITER'S BLOCK, and can not come up with even a single interesting thing to say. You have hundreds of weeks left in this VERY DUMB IDEA, you can't run out of things to say 3 weeks in. You decide to ignore the WRITER'S BLOCK and just write whatever BULLSHIT comes to mind. >Discuss the Plot You would go over your NOTES, but you forgot to take them this week. You always have been terrible at note taking, why would Homestuck of all things cure you of this deficiency? Nevermind NOTES, you'll do this live.

EV: This week of Homestuck begins with the very first Strife of the series, a battle where John attempts to beat DAD with a hammer while DAD defends with pastries. This fight continues until through sylladex shenanigans, smoke pellets crushed by Colonel Sassacre's Book allow John to escape the fight. He steals DAD's PDA along with taking the RED PACKAGE addressed to him and the SBURB BETA before fleeing to his room. After some more SHENANIGANS, John arrives back at his room to two Pesterchum Notifications, one that introduces us to GG and the other a discussion about birthday gifts with TG. This week of updates ends with John going to mspaintadventures.com to check out the new MSPA, Midnight Crew.

You take a look at what you have written, and decide that it's good enough. > Discuss this week's Shenanigans.

You wonder if this idea to separate the recap by the Plot Important information and the various Shenanigans that happen between each plot point is, well, good. You are certain it is, in fact, bad. But the Past You has already decided this is the way you'll do things, and if you change things now, Future You might disagree and change it back. You sigh, thinking about what funny stuff happened this week.

EV: So, obviously I can't not mention the very first STRIFE of Homestuck, John v DAD. I remember when I first read Homestuck, I got a laugh out of all the STRIFE commands starting with A. But I don't have a lot to say about that other then "heh, that's fun". The way this STRIFE ends via Sylladex Shenanigans is probably the best bit of Sylladex Shenanigans in the comic so far, with the mechanics introduced so far leading to a smokey escape. Then John merges 2 cakes along with everything between those 2 cakes, which is a problem since everything else in his Sylladex was between those two cakes. Not a problem though, John is able to take a razor and perform surgery on a cake, a phrase that is remarkably similar to the meme "they performed surgery on a grape" despite predating the grape-surgery. The Cake-Surgery also leaves a huge mess in the bathroom. Then we re-enter John's room and John admires his Matthew McConaughey movie poster collection. A final bit of shenanigans that borders on the plot-important is learning that John got TG a pair of shades that Ben Stiller once wore for his last birthday. We also learn from TG that other Sylladex Modi exist, which foreshadows future and more varied Sylladex Shenanigans.

You look at what you've written, and shrug. It's good enough. You are realizing you don't really have much to say about shenanigans in general, and perhaps need to rethink how you structure future updates to this VERY DUMB IDEA. You're pretty sure that's all you have to say, and probably slightly more than what you have to say. >Emma: Post Homestuck Daily Week 3

[bylightofdawn]

WIP Sunday

NGL this almost didn't happen mainly because I've been kinda disatified with a lot that I've written today. I did get this scene with Jaster and Mij written and I've gotten to the next part where they are observing a suspected Death Watch safehouse so the plot is inching forward slowly.

I've just been so damn sleepy all day because of the shit weather and my bones have been aching which just makes me want to bundle up under blankets and not do anything but sleep. So the brain fog has been real.

So I have this scene, I'm not happy with it and can't really figure out how to write it in a way I am going to be happy about it. Sometimes you just gotta accept things aren't going to be perfect and you just need to push through to the next part. I might end up heavily editing this once I figure out some stuff in my head. I hate how we have no real firm idea of what the Mand'alor system is beyond vague autocratic? Prolly? Surely they have councils of advisors right? No one person is going to be able to rule a dozen planets without some kind of system in place. Is it a sorta of feudal court system a la say Charlamagne? We canonly have barons so is it more of a medival pre-Barons Rebellion England sort of system with huge planetary barony being represented at central court?

WHO THE FUCK KNOWS. There has to be some kind of representative government of some kind though? Surely. -drags hands down face- If not, I think Jaster is just going to suggest that because autocracies never end well. Pffffft. Fuck me I think I'm going to have to do some reading on early Greek democractic governing. I detest the idea of the Roman Republic era Sentate with it's horrifically unbalanced power-structure of the Patrician and equastrian classes versus the plebians. But I of course, as an American fully recognize the failures in OUR version of demoncracy. And I'll be the first to admit I've never been a huge student of Greek history beyond like the broadest of strokes.

Hi yes, I am debating if I need to invent an entire cobbled together style of Mandalorian government for the needs of my fanfic. Welcome to my stupid blog where we obsess over the STUPIDEST of details for hours or days on end.

ANYWAY, WIP Sunday, right let's post this before it's Midnight shall we?

As always, it's unedited blah blah blah. You know the drill.

“I see you two are getting along famously.” Jaster drawled as he took up Jango’s place in packing the food away.

“He’s a good kid. For the most part.” 

“He is.” Jaster agreed, not taking offense to that little caveat because he was all too aware of how maddening Jango could be at times. “How is he doing? He was pretty upset.” 

“He’s gone through a lot recently. I’m not going to lie it’s definitely taken its toll. And he’s blaming himself because Montross go away.” Mij confessed with a frown.

“He screwed up, there’s no doubt about that.” The dark-haired man was frowning down at the container in his hands. “But I would have done the same thing at his age. Hell, my first instinct was do do the same thing but Jango just doesn’t have the experience yet to see running directly at a problem isn’t the only solution.”

“He’s young, hopefully that’ll come with time.” 

“I’ll need to talk to him about it. But now probably isn’t the time. He’s so damn prickly, I swear, half the time I say the wrong thing and make it worse.”

“Welcome to having a teenage son. Or teenager in general I suspect.” The younger man stated blandly. 

Jaster shot him an exasperated look over one shoulder which didn’t bother him in the least.

“He’s desperate to be treated like an adult and his ego is about as thin as a piece of flimsi so if you treat him like a kid or if he even perceives you are treating him that way, he’s going to shut down on you.”

He reminded himself Mij had been right, the last time they talked about Jango. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I’ll talk to him about it.”

“If I can make a suggestion? Don’t put it off too long. the kid feels pretty bad about how things went down with Montross. His head might not be in the game if he’s worried about disappointing you twice in one night.” 

“I’ll take it under advisement, thanks, Mij. Though, I’m also going to politely ask you to butt out of my personal life.” Jaster said as he put the food container down and turned to look fully at the doctor. “I know you called Plo Koon to come here tonight. Myles was passed out and there is no way Jango would have ever voluntarily invited him into our problems.” 

To his credit, the younger man didn’t quell under his heavy stare. 

“Understood but I’m not going to apologize for doing it. You went through a traumatic event tonight and needed support. Who all here would you have turned to?”

The infuriating thing was he wasn’t wrong and he knew it, but it set a terrible precedent and he needed to nip it in the bud right now. 

“It puts Plo in a precarious position though. What we’re planning on doing? Not going to fly with the Coruscanti government if we get caught. Imagine the scandal if a Jedi is linked to that. There’s a reason I was trying to keep him away from this bantha-karked rodeo.” 

Mij seemed to consider that for a moment before nodding. “I see your point, I won’t call him in again.”

“Thank you. I appreciate the thought and there is some truth to your words. But there’s a reason the adage about being lonely at the top exists.” 

“That’s a terrible expression and blatantly untrue. I can cite plenty of studies that show a leader who has a strong support system around them has a much more stable history of commanding while those who try and do it all themselves tend to burn out, become paranoid despots who cling to their power or generally suffer a decline in leadership ability.” 

“If I start showing despotic tendencies, I’m sure you will call me out on it.” He pointed out with a trace of sarcasm in his voice.

“It doesn’t need to get to that point is what I am saying,  Jaster.” Mij said firmly. “I know asking you to trust right now is pretty damned hard. But you have a chance to build up a support system around yourself. Especially now that the garbage that is someone like Montross has taken themselves out of the picture.” 

“You’re right, it’s too much to ask for right now.” Jaster stated flatly.

“I get that, but you can start thinking about it now. Realistically, do you have to be the one taking point on leading the company on campaigning? Imagine if you handed some of the day to day operations to a few trusted lieutenents so you can focus on the big picture? Things like this peace summit.”

“I’m not going to abandon my people or my post.”

“That’s not what I’m saying at all. Stars, I swear in so many ways, Mandalorians have this all or nothing propensity for absolutist thinking that is positively maddening” Mij grumbled, sounded frustrated. In a lot of ways, because he had come to the Mandalorian culture as an adult, he was both blessed and cursed with an outsider perspective on his adopted culture’s strengths and weaknesses. 

Jaster often found he had some genuinely interesting insight which was why he put up with the man’s often cranky or borderline insubordinate attitude at times. 

“Then what do you mean exactly?”

“I’m not suggesting you retire from your post but realistically, do you not have enough trusted commanders who can handle a lot of the day to day headaches like planning out the next campaign, worrying about logistics or even negotiating with clients?”

“So giving up leadership essentially?” Jaster asked with a trace of annoyance in his voice now. 

“Delegating. You can still supervise but do you really need to be in the field every single time in the thick of things?” 

“This is how I became Mand’alor though. You’re suggesting I  give up the thing that is central to my power-base in a lot of ways.” 

“It would give you more time to shore-up said power-base and expand it. You implemented the council of advisors and that helped give you the power-base to get this far. Try expanding upon that idea. There are other ways of ruling than just being a simple autocratic rule.”

“I like bending tradition as much as the next idealistic fool but you can only bend it too far before the people will rebel. There’s a reason things have always been done this way for the most part. Yes, there have been short-lived experiments and attempts at doing things different ways but they almost always ended in disaster.”

“Because things have worked out so well for Mandalore thus far?”

“We’ve survived thus far.” 

“That is a load of bantha poodoo and now you’re just being contrarian to be contrarian because you don’t believe that <I>osik</I> anymore than I do. We wouldn’t be here if that were the case.” 

He couldn’t really argue with the doctor because he was right, Jaster’s pride just objected at admitting that. 

“So what are you suggesting, exactly?”

“I think you should talk to someone like Kryze who’s prolly go more experience in the matter than both of us combined.” 

“With all that free time I have right now.” 

“I’m sure you’ll find some time to carve out on this trip. He seems like a pretty solid bloke, all things considered.”

“He does, and I don’t necessarily disagree with you on the experience point. He’s definitely been born and raised in the politics side of things so maybe tapping him for advise isn’t a terrible idea.”

“Thanks, I have those on occasion.” 

[yuta-nakamots]

misfit - j.sc

Pairing - Sungchan x Reader

Genre - Horror/Thriller, Angst, Fluff

Warnings - serial killer, character death, violence, murder, implications of sex

Summary - A murderer is on the loose, killing with no regret and ending the lives of more than just a few people. No one knew who it was, turning against each other upon even the slightest bit of doubt. Maybe you should’ve been more careful with who you chose to trust. 

Word Count - 5.3k

A/N - this is inspired entirely from a dream I had a few days ago. I've added very little to what I saw in my dream aside from Sungchan as the male lead. yes, I am freaked out by this and yes, I am scared of writing for Sungchan bc I don’t know his personality all too well but as an ‘01 liner myself I have faith in us

Written for the #NeoHalloween writing festival hosted by @nct-writers​. Check out the masterlist here.

For five months now, your town has lived in fear. A serial killer was on the loose and he was known by the name of Hickleback Jack though no one knew where the name came from or who had started it. Each month, the population of your town voted on the local community board to have one person executed who they thought was Hickleback Jack. So far, not a single guess was right leaving five innocent people dead. Well, five plus an extra thirty, give or take.

See, the thing about Hickleback Jack, was that every time the votes came in at the end of the month, he could see just who voted for him and targeted them as his next victims. He killed six of those people over the following month, adding up to seven dead each time the town guessed incorrectly. It was getting to a point where no one trusted each other, no one dared to say anything against each other in fear of being accused or in fear of being the next to fall mercy to Hickleback Jack.

Not much was known about this killer other than his appearance. He’s male with a tall and broad figure though he always covers his face with some kind of mask. His common weapon is known to be an axe. People have claimed to have seen him late at night under the dim orange glow of the street lamps but he was never caught by the authorities, leaving everyone restless and waiting for the next kill.

The night was still young when you had gotten home from school and it was a Friday night which was basically an open invitation for you to call over your boyfriend, Sungchan. He had transferred in to your university at the start of the school year, and had ended up sitting next to you during your sophomore seminar class, leading to the start of your friendship with him.

A simple friendship soon blossomed into a relationship after Sungchan’s bright personality began shining through his somewhat intimidating exterior. You lived without fear when Sungchan was around, the love you had for him blocking out anything else in the world that wasn’t him.

You sat on your bed, your homework spread out in front of you while you held your phone up to your ear. “Do you want to come over tonight?” You ask as soon as he picks up your call.

You hear rustling on the other end of the call before Sungchan clears his throat and speaks, his voice husky from sleep. “Sorry, can you repeat that?”

“I said, do you want to come over tonight?” You paused and heard him yawn. “You fell asleep after class didn’t you?” You smiled to yourself thinking of your boyfriend’s handsome face as he napped after getting back to his apartment once he finished with his classes for the day, which was a common occurrence now that the semester was in full swing.

“Mmm,” he hummed in thought, “as much as I’d love to, I really shouldn’t have taken that nap because of how much homework I have.”

“Oh, that’s okay, do your homework first,” you reassure him, “maybe we can hang out some other time this weekend. It’s only Friday after all.”

“Definitely. Are you starting yours right now?” Sungchan asked.

“Yeah, I’d rather not wait and end up cramming on Sunday night.” You laughed, knowing that said event has happened more times that you’d like to admit.

Sungchan let out a noise of agreement. “I’ll let you know when I’m done with my homework though.”

“Same here.” You promised.

“Alright, let’s get to work and I’ll talk to you soon.” He told you.

“Sounds good, love you.”

“Love you too.”

With that you hung up, eager to start on your homework in hopes of getting to spend more time with your boyfriend. You actually had a lot of it this weekend thanks to molecular biology, and you figured that if you couldn’t talk to Sungchan, who had yet to take the course, you called up your study group discord instead. Luckily, many of them were in similar situations as you, faced with the daunting task of completing all the worksheets assigned during class earlier in the day.

“Okay so was anyone paying attention during the lecture today?” Your classmate Chenle asked.

“I know Yeji fell asleep so you’re in the same boat as her.” You interject, recalling the sight of both of them knocked out in their seats as the professor droned on about the functions of the structures inside cells.

Yeji let out a gasp of shock at how blatantly you called her out. “I may have fallen asleep but at least I still know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”

“Everyone knows that, Yeji.” Your other classmate Jaemin said, his voice void of enthusiasm.

“Okay, Jaemin, we get it, Mr. Serious.” You teased.

“Yeah, this is a biology study group, not a bible study group, lighten up a little.” Chenle jokes.

Jaemin scoffed, “sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who’s trying to do well in this class.”

“Well not all of us enjoy the taste of coffee with six shots of caffeine in them.” Yeji argued back.

“Guys,” you called out as Jaemin and Yeji started arguing, “guys!” They finally stopped to hear what you had to say. “Let’s just get this over with sooner rather than later because I know none of us want to be awake at 2am trying to figure this out alone.”

“Agreed,” Chenle said, “so question three, the one about the DNA mutation, how is missense different from nonsense?”

“Missense is where one of the bases mutates and changes to something else, therefore changing the protein level,” Jaemin explained, “nonsense is the same theoretical concept except it spells out one of the stop codes.”

Yeji let out a groan, “can you slow down, or like, I don’t know, use easier words or something?”

Most of your night passed by like this and before you knew it, it was already nearing midnight and you could tell your classmates were just as exhausted as you. “I think we should call it here.”

“Definitely,” Yeji confirmed, “tomorrow morning at 10?”

You all let out similar answers of acknowledgement before Chenle spoke up. “The poll closes on tomorrow night so make sure to vote if you haven’t already.”

Because of how long this has been going on for, everyone was already on the same page once someone mentioned the poll or voting. “There were only five kills this month so I wouldn’t be surprised if the last one is announced tomorrow or Sunday morning.” Jaemin chimed in.

“All the recent kills were related to the university so I know a lot of people are suspecting someone in our age range.” Yeji informed the group.

Jaemin let out a chuckle, “if the killer actually is a college student, I wouldn’t be surprised since it is getting close to the last wave of midterms and then finals so that would explain why the victims fall into the same category.” The chat fell silent at that. “I’m just saying that he’s getting a little lazy by grouping all his kills like this.”

“Jaemin, are you sure you’re not the killer?” Chenle asked with a laugh at the end.

“Guys, I can promise you that I’m not the killer, I swear on my life.” Jaemin promised.

“Alright, that’s enough detective work for tonight, I’ll start the call again around 10 tomorrow. Sounds good?” You conclude, wanting to curl up under your covers already, which is exactly what you do once everyone wishes each other a good night and hung up.  

Morning came a little too quickly for your liking, the bright sunlight flooding into your room through the window and forcing you awake. Checking your phone, you saw that it was 9:30am, meaning you had some time to spare before your next meeting with the bio study group, along with a notification from Sungchan that he had sent well after you had fallen asleep.

Sungchan > y/n

2:14am: Just got rescheduled to work opening shift tomorrow.

2:15am: Didn’t finish my homework but I can stop by at your house after work with my stuff and we can hang out and have fun once we’re both done?

Your heart warmed at how he stayed up late trying to finish his homework for you and that he suggested the idea of coming over after his shift at a small local restaurant finished just so the two of you could be together even if you’d be focusing on your own tasks for a while.

y/n > Sungchan

9:32am: Sorry I didn’t text back earlier, I just woke up!

9:32am: But of course you can come over, I might even be done with my work by then ;)

You plugged your phone to let it charge and left it on your nightstand as you made yourself breakfast downstairs. The house was quiet since your mom already left for work and you dad worked a night shift job and was probably sleeping at the moment. It was strangely serene as you prepared yourself a bowl of cereal though the calm was rudely interrupted by the sound of your ringtone coming from your room.

Deciding to get it after eating breakfast, you poured the cereal in first, thinking about the way Sungchan had told you before that he liked to pour the milk first and let the cereal soak up the milk. “It makes it super soggy and I like it.” He tried reasoning with you, to which you only raised an eyebrow at.

Just as you put the milk carton back into the refrigerator and was about to take a bit of your cereal, your phone started going off again. You placed your bowl onto the kitchen table and made your way back up to your bedroom to see what it was that was so important this early in the morning. Checking the notifications, it was Yeji who had been calling you so you shot her a message.

y/n > Yeji

9:39am: What’s up?

Yeji > y/n

9:40am: I just dreamt that it was Jaemin who was the killer

9:40am: please call me right now I feel like I’m going to go insane

You heeded her words and called her immediately. “So what happened in the dream?”

“I don’t know, I just remember being chased by a man with an axe and I was running to the school to try to see if I could get help but then I tripped and when I turned around, it was Jaemin.” Yeji blurted out without a single breath in between.

You paused, trying to take in all the information she just threw at you. “Do you have any reason as to why you think you dreamt this?”

“The way he was talking last night,” she stopped to catch her breath, “he spoke so in detail that I couldn’t help but overthink like, what if he is actually the killer? What if we’re next?”

“Well, you can vote for him in the poll if you want but personally, I don’t think it’s him.” You think of your next words carefully. “I’m not trying to invalidate your thoughts but Jaemin does come from a reputable family-”

“Y/n, it could be anyone. Family doesn’t matter. We have no information on the guy, we don’t know what economic class he’s in or anything.” Yeji interrupted.

You took a few seconds to gather your thoughts before speaking again. “That is true, but we all know Jaemin wants to be a surgeon right? He’s in all these difficult classes and he maintains such high grades-”

“Okay but how is that relevant?” Yeji interrupted yet again.

She was getting on your nerves but you held yourself back. “Listen, I’m just trying to say that with the amount of time and effort he puts into school, I don’t think he could be the killer. The killer plans his kills well enough that we just can’t find him and that probably takes just as much time as school does for us.”

Yeji took a while to respond though when she did, her words surprised you. “Now you’re starting to sound like the killer.”

“Yeji, I can promise you that it’s not me. I’m just as scared as you are in this whole situation,” you reasoned, “I’ll even vote for Jaemin if it makes you feel better.”

She let out a sigh across the line. “Okay fine. Maybe a kill will happen while we’re on the call and it’ll clear Jaemin’s name.”

“I think you’re letting it all get to you, just try not to think about it for a bit.” You advised.

“But am I really overreacting y/n? We live every day in fear of being the next victim. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, so am I really overreacting?” You look over at the clock on your wall as she spoke, realizing that it’s already 9:55 and you should probably start the call already.

“No, I don’t think you’re overreacting, I’m just saying that constantly thinking about it to this extent isn’t good for you. We still have school to pay attention to,” you explain, “speaking of, I’m gonna start the call now.”

“I can’t just stop thinking about it that easily but whatever, let’s just hope that we’re not associating ourselves with a murderer by doing this.” You can only shake your head as you start the call.

Chenle joined immediately followed by Yeji. “Good morning ladies, President Zhong here. How are we doing on this fine day?”

You rolled your eyes even though a smile spread across your face. “I’m doing good, Mr. President. Ready to finish off these worksheets.”

“Good, good,” Chenle affirmed, sticking with his act, “and you, Miss Yeji?”

“Fine.” She shot out.

Chenle let out a quiet chuckle, “someone’s a little grumpy this morning. Maybe we should’ve met a bit later.”

“No, let’s just get this over with.” Yeji grumbled just as Jaemin joined.

“Great! Now that the head brain cell is here, let’s get this meeting started.” Chenle exclaimed.

Four hours into your meeting and eight out of ten worksheets later, your phone begins to ring with an incoming call from Sungchan. “Hold on guys, I gotta take this call. Hello?”

“I’m downstairs, come pick me up.” You couldn’t deny the butterflies that spread throughout your chest upon hearing your boyfriend’s voice. You got up to let him in though you certainly didn’t miss the teasing coming from your laptop as your classmates yelled about you and Sungchan.

As you made your way downstairs, you froze halfway down the stairs, seeing Sungchan already in the kitchen eating the bowl of cereal you forgot about. “I’m guessing you made this for yourself earlier and forgot to eat it.” He said through a mouthful of food.

“Babe, no, don’t eat that, it’s like five hours old. The milk is probably stale.” You exclaimed, worried about his health if it really did go bad.

Sungchan only shrugged as he took another spoonful into his mouth. “Tastes fine to me.”

You rolled your eyes before turning to head back upstairs. “Join me in my room once you’re ready, you cereal monster. Leave the dishes in the sink too.” As you returned to your room, you couldn’t help but wonder how Sungchan got in though you figure he’s probably seen you use the spare key under the doormat a couple times since you often were too lazy to get your own keys out of your bag most of the time.

When you sat down in front of your computer again, Jaemin had just finished explaining the answer to the problem you guys were working on earlier so you chimed in asking him to go over it again though he was quickly overrun by an excited Chenle. “Is Sungchan there?” He practically yelled.

“No, not yet, he’s eating some soggy cereal downstairs.” You inform him.

“Alright, let me know when he comes in.” Chenle says, unphased by your boyfriends’ odd preference of cereal.

Halfway through Jaemin’s explanation, Sungchan came into your room, placing his bag down at the foot of the bed before he took his jacket off and stripped out of his work uniform. “I heard a door open, is that Sungchan?” Chenle shouted over Jaemin once more.

“I never get to fucking speak in this group.” Jaemin huffed, at which Chenle muttered a quick ‘sorry’ back.

“Yes, Chenle, Sungchan is here,” you announce, looking over at the boy in question who had just finished pulling a shirt over his head and winked when he saw you staring at his body, “he seems very flirty today, must be because of you, Mr. Zhong.”

Sungchan sits down next to you and places a kiss on your cheek, smelling oddly of cleaning supplies, but you pay no mind to that, figuring he must have used them at work. “How’s it going Chenle?” He asks, though his attention is only on you and he places his hands on your cheeks and leaves a quick kiss on your lips.

“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t just hear the two of you kissing,” Chenle remarks, earning a laugh from Sungchan, “but anyways, you should come back to the basketball team. We miss our giant point guard, you know.”

“Nah, I’m too busy these days. I already have work and school plus I still want to spend time with y/n.” He commented as he shifted to lie on his stomach next to you.

“Man, who knew a girl would be all it took to make this dude throw his love for basketball out the window.” Chenle taunted.

“Love makes you do things, you know how it is.” Sungchan replied, resting his head on your thigh.

Running a hand through his hair, “anyways,” you divert, “back to what Jaemin was saying about meiosis.”

“Thank you, y/n, I thought I’d never be able to speak again.” Jaemin uttered pointedly. “As I was saying, the main difference between meiosis and mitosis is that it creates four daughter cells instead of two like mitosis does.”

“Hey guys, wait, did you see the article that just came out?” Yeji inquired. “It’s another death.”

There was a moment of silence before anyone said anything. “No but you can read it to us.” Chenle concluded.

“Okay,” you could hear the deep breath Yeji took before reading the article, “it says here that the body was found at around 1:20pm in an alley between the lower-income housing apartments, the cause of death is assumed to be by Hickleback Jack using his axe, and the estimated time of death is anywhere from 12 to 1pm.”

“Wow,” Jaemin began, “so he just killed out in broad daylight.”

“Not gonna lie Jaemin, but I thought you were the killer.” Yeji let out blatantly.

You were mildly shocked at her bluntness, but not surprised given how stressed everyone was. “Me?” Jaemin gasped, “Yeji, you know I’m pretty much Rapunzel with how much time I spend in my room studying. And when I’m not studying, I’m either editing pictures or playing video games.”

“It’s true,” Chenle confirms, “he really doesn’t leave his room. We had a sleepover once and I felt like I was becoming a hermit like him.” Sungchan slightly wheezed at that, sending Chenle over the moon. “Did you hear that? Did you guys hear that? Sungchan thinks I’m funny!”

“Yeah yeah, enough about me being a hermit. But Yeji,” Jaemin addressed, “why did you think it was me?”

Yeji hesitated before responding. “I just- the way you were talking the other night...I don’t know. It just sounded so specific and detailed that I couldn’t help but think that it could have been you.”

“I don’t think a murderer would simply reveal his plans like that, you know.” Sungchan proposed.

“Well yeah, but it’s just the way he spoke, it was like he had things organized...you know what? Let’s forget I said that, but I know the four of us are clear.” Yeji resigned.

Sungchan sat up, “wait, why am I not cleared?”

“Y/n, what time did he call you?”

“Like 2-ish.”

“Exactly. Sungchan, you don’t have an alibi, as far as we know, until 2 and the time of death is stated to be 12 to 1pm.”

“I was at work earlier in the day, though.”

“Can you prove it to us?” Yeji pressed on.

“Yeah, my coworkers can vouch for me.”

You were quite surprised at how aggressive Yeji was being towards your boyfriend but you didn’t see any reason to stop her since she had very valid arguments. “Send a screenshot of it to Chenle and we’ll verify you from there.” Yeji commanded.

Sungchan slouched down a little next to you. “I don’t have the numbers of my coworkers though.”

“Alright, then you’re still on the list of suspects.”

After finishing all the worksheets for microbio and ending the call around 3:30, Sungchan pulled out his laptop and started typing away at a half-finished lab report for his human A&P class. You fell asleep curled into his body, his warmth and the constant tapping of his keyboard lulling you to sleep.

When you woke again, you immediately noticed the absence of a large boy next to you and frowned to yourself. As you came to, you heard noise coming from the kitchen and identified your mother’s voice followed by Sungchan’s. Noticing the time on your phone, you guess that he was probably helping her prepare dinner since it was already past 6 and your family ate around 7 before your dad left for work.

By the time you made yourself presentable and came downstairs, your mom and Sungchan were already setting the table. “Looks like our sleepyhead finally woke up.” Your mother exclaimed, making you grimace. “You didn’t tell me Sungchan was staying over,” you were about to open your mouth to say that you didn’t know that either but you weren’t given the chance to do so, “it’s okay, especially with that killer still on the loose, it makes me feel better knowing there’s someone around to protect my baby.”

You looked at Sungchan as if asking him for answers though he seemed to only avoid your gaze, reluctantly taking the seat across from you at the dining table. Your father walked in, delighted to see your boyfriend. “Sungchan! Good to see you, how are things at school?” He asked as he joined you all at the table.

“Okay for the most part, I haven’t taken to my writing class all that much though I enjoy my other science classes.” Sungchan answers.

Your dad hums in approval while you stare down Sungchan, trying to get him to look at you. “Remind me again what you’re majoring in again?” Your mom asks, Sungchan whips his head around faster than you can make eye contact with him.

“I’m majoring in forensics.” He states.

“Interesting, interesting,” your father contemplates, “you know, y/n here wants to become a pediatrician. The two of you are practically opposites in the science field, one dealing with crime and the other dealing with children.”

Sungchan let out a laugh, “I guess opposites really do attract then.”

You hated how well he entertained your parents and you hated how much they liked him. For the rest of dinner you tried to pin him down through your stares and even played a game of footsie with him but nothing seemed to work. It was only once the two of you were back in your room getting ready for bed that you were able to talk to him.

“Look, I’m not mad at you or anything, I’d just appreciate it if you talked to me first before just telling my parents that you’re staying over.” You told him as you went through your skincare routine.

Sungchan jumped onto your bed as he apologized. “Sorry, I just thought that since both of us finished our homework and with the killing today, it would just make sense for me to stay over.” He opened his arms, inviting you in as you stood up after finishing your night routine.

You copied him, jumping into your bed straight onto Sungchan, effectively pushing the air out of his body. He grunted as your weight fell onto him though he still wrapped his arms around your waist and shifted you up the length of your body so your face was level with his. “Hi” you giggle, shy from the sudden close proximity.

“Hey.” He says back with a smile as you slide off him, leaving an arm and leg slung over his body. “Tired?”

“No, not really, I took a nap earlier since someone didn’t care to wake me up.”

“You looked too cute, besides, you need all the rest you can get.” Sungchan explained, using his free hand to squish your cheeks. “If you’re really not tired then I know a way to make you tired.” His hand found its way down to your butt to further emphasize his point.

“Ew, no, not now.” You quickly refused, moving his hand up to your waist. “Just go to sleep and I’ll probably fall asleep after you anyways.”

“Oh wait,” Sungchan said, reaching over you to the nightstand for his phone, “did you vote on the poll yet?”

“No, I almost forgot.” You groaned, lazily reaching for your phone as well.

You pull up the local community board and enter your information, looking at the list of all the citizens, pondering on who you’d give your vote to. “Who are you voting for?” Sungchan asks, looking over at your screen.

“I really don’t know.” You tell him, though truthfully, you had someone in mind.

Thanks to the nap you had, you really couldn’t fall asleep no matter how hard you tried. You ended up dozing off occasionally but you’d wake up half an hour later only more irritated than when you first fell asleep.

You don’t remember what time it was, but at some point, Sungchan had removed himself from your grasp, unaware that you were still awake, though you made no effort to stop him thinking that he was just going to use the restroom and come back. Five minutes passed, five minutes turned into ten, then twenty, and you decided to check on him once thirty minutes had passed.

The house was completely dark, not even the light from the bathroom was on. You checked inside in case Sungchan had maybe gotten hurt and passed out, but he was nowhere to be found. After searching almost all the rooms in your house, you had yet to find any sign of him. After a bit of thinking, you had wandered out to your mothers’ greenhouse thinking that maybe some time with the plants would help to calm your mind.

It did anything but that.

Not long after setting foot inside of the small shed, you heard screams coming from nearby, getting closer and closer. You watched from the inside of the tinted glass as three girls ran through your backyard and into the next property. You couldn’t help it that you were frozen to your core, knowing who was coming.

You saw his frame as he jumped over the fence from the other end of your yard, axe in hand, running through the open grass and you thought he might have noticed you until he stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes glued on you. You should’ve ducked down as soon as the girls ran past but it was too late now and there was no second way out of the greenhouse.

You knew you should have tried to run, maybe smash through the glass panelling but something in you told you that maybe, just maybe, you’d be able to stop him. Steeling your nerves as he crosses the threshold of the greenhouse, you call out to him. “I know who you are.”

“I’m well aware of that.”

It was as if your world was crumbling before you, the once so comfortable relationship you knew felt fake, even though Sungchan, your loving boyfriend stood right there. The only difference was that you knew who he really was.

“Why?” You start, “why did you kill all those innocent people?”

“It’s all for fun, y/n.”

“What do you mean ‘for fun’? Those are real people you know, people with families and friends who miss them dearly.” You nearly cry out as he continues to approach you.

“You see, life is a game.” He paused his words as he came to stand in front of you. “Laws are nothing but a social construct that us humans follow mindlessly until our own demise.”

He takes a step closer to you, but you stand your ground. “Laws are what keep us safe and keep us happy. They allow us to lead our lives peacefully with others-”

“They are nothing but limits.” He closes the distance between the two of you, an arm wrapping around your waist, pulling you towards him, and you allow him to do so. “My dear, sweet, y/n. If only you weren’t so smart, I wouldn’t be faced with this dilemma.”

“You wouldn’t kill me.” You were trying to persuade him just as much as you were to yourself. “You’d never.”

“Oh? And what makes you think that?”

“You love me.”

“I do, I love you so dearly, but now that you know who’s behind all the killings, there’s no way that I can let you go.” You felt his axe nudge the back of your leg as he brought both arms around you. To an outsider, it would look as if a couple were having a conversation, but for you, this was a fight for your life.

“Take off the mask.”

“Why should I?”

“So I can talk to you properly.”

He took off the mask without much more convincing, his normally handsome face now distorted by the crazed look in his eyes. People often say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and if they really were, then Sungchan didn’t have a soul.

“I swear to you that I won’t ever tell anyone about this, about you.”

“I don’t believe that you’ll keep that promise, my dear.”

“You know how much I love you. As long as we can stay together, I will not say anything.”

“This is not a tale of beauty and the beast. I am no beast to be tamed and there is no happy ending to this story.”

“Sungchan, no. You don’t mean that.”

“Do I really not mean it, or is that what you would like to believe? Something tells me it’s the latter.” He held you tight against him with one arm, the other raising his axe. “It’s truly a shame that your beauty must go to waste, you were truly a wonderful person both inside and out but I’m afraid that your life must end here.”

Before he could prep his swing, you pulled away and grabbed the nearest pot, launching it at him, the ceramic breaking against his head making dirt rain down upon both of you.

Not even a second passed before his axe was flying at you, lodging itself into your neck, nearly severing your head from your shoulder. You should’ve been thankful really, thankful that Sungchan had given you a quick death, not his usual route since it was so painless and easy for both the victim and the assailant.

He liked a struggle, but for you he made an exception out of love so that the last thing you’d see was him, your lover, before everything stopped.

[qqueenofhades]

To be absolutely honest I really disliked mal, like he is so plain and boring and … single minded? Kinda dumb 🤷🏻‍♀️ i feel Alina and Kirigan are much more balanced. Well, if what you say it’s true and they’re gonna change stuff I really would like to see those two together!!!!! Tbh Mal is kind of the only character I disliked on the show, and the chemistry is nothing like Darklina’s. They gave me more siblings vibes

Aha. I don't do character or ship hate (and even when I feel it, I don't post it), but I do go in for media/writing analysis, so that's some of what we can do here. If you like Mal or Mal/Alina and don't want to read some critical views on that, probably best to scroll past this post; no hard feelings! I will also tag it mal critical for anyone who might want to filter (and for any future posts I make in this vein).

<scrolling space>

Anyway. I don't hate show!Mal (although book!Mal was definitely in my bad graces by book 2; I didn't read book 3 in part because I was like "ugh THIS guy? Really?"), but he's just... not... interesting. He is introduced to us in 1x01 with the slow-motion shot of him seeing Alina that is clearly supposed to invest us in the two of them as a couple, and from there, he just seems to exist either to worry about her or to serve her needs in finding the stag. This is no slant on Archie Renaux, who is a fine young actor and is perfectly acceptable in the role. Rather, it's a larger shortcoming of the writing and structure in both book and show, in which Mal and Alina are presented to us as Childhood Friends With a Crush and that suffices to build their bond, along with... twelve flashbacks to the meadow, or whatever it is. We're just told to be invested in them because the characters are when the story starts, but we don't get any sense of why that should be or who Mal really is as a character and why Alina is so desperate to be with him again. We're told that they are, but.... eh.

Mal is basically a plot device to give Alina motivation to reveal her powers, to provide a contrast to her life in the Little Palace, to help her get to the stag when she escapes, and be there with her when she leaves Ravka at the end of s1. And that is.. kinda how he stays, orbiting around her and being there to give her what she needs, at least some of the time. Book!Mal gets into that Yeah No Thanks territory of blaming Alina for her powers and being distracted with the Grisha war and angry when other men express attraction to her, and while they've made him (thus far) more palatable in the show, that's gonna veer hard into Nope Territory if it likewise happens. And if they do have to change the entire way a character is written in the source material to make the relationship work, that's.... not a good thing.

Leigh Bardugo and Eric Heisserer (the showrunner) have indeed said that the show will be "significantly" different from the books (as was apparent to anyone watching s1), but I doubt that will extend to changing the main character's endgame relationship. Alina's original ending in book 3, though, is just disappointing: she kills Aleksander (albeit in a poignant/tragic way), destroys the Fold, loses her Sun Summoner powers, and goes off to live with Mal in obscurity on a farm while everyone thinks she's dead. And like... I ask you... what is the point? She goes on this whole magical and epic journey and doesn't ultimately become or do or be anything more than when she started? Especially given that show!Alina explicitly says in her conversation with Genya that "Mal always dreamed of retiring to a farm, but I've never liked farms," are they going to have her arc be "oh yeah I was wrong about that, I really do like farms after all?" I repeat: eh.

Plus, aside from Aleksander, Alina has another relationship coming up (with Nikolai Lantsov, who we haven't met in the show yet), so if we're going to see her just insisting on staying with Mal because.... whatever, he's good at tracking and The Meadow, that's likewise not going to work in the visual medium and the narrative that they've set up. Especially when she's ALSO getting these hot-and-heavy Secret Midnight Visits with Aleksander and they're continuing to bond even while on opposite sides/at loggerheads. They're going to have to write something a lot more compelling than "Alina is clinging to her childhood/Mal even while Nikolai and Aleksander are objectively much more interesting and complicated characters who are both clearly into her and offering her different kinds of respect and empowerment," otherwise it's just going to happen because the narrative/writers said it should, and that.... (LOOKING AT YOU TIMELESS) doesn't... work. Especially when there's something that they don't want to explore just because it would ruin their pre-existing plan. So. Yeah.

Anyway, I'm old and tired, I don't do shipwars, I do know how things happen in the original source material so I'll just have to wait and see what or any of it they decided to change, and as noted, I am well practiced in using fic to change things, lol. So I'm not gonna get TOO worked up about it, but these are my thoughts.

[moonlitdiane]

Hello! I moved from my old blog, @dianethus​ to here, you can probably call this a re-intro!

Diane | 18 | Filipino-Chinese | She/They | Pansexual | Scorpio | xNTP | Neurodivergent | Psychology Major | Graphic Designer | Practicing Wiccan

I’ve been trying to write since I was around 12 years old with silly little k-pop and percy jackson fanfics. Even though I cringe now whenever I think about the things I wrote, I still believe it was a necessary phase that all writers have to go through to become better.

I mainly write for the #OwnVoice movement that focuses on the South East Asian experience and especially the experience of being queer in an Asian environment. I aim to give the queers of Asian history whose stories never got to be told a voice. I write to expose the world to Philippine Mythology and the stories passed down from ancestor to ancestor. I also aim to conjure up nostalgic imagery in the readers' minds.

low fantasy. I'm not that really good at world building but I'm in love with the idea of everyday magic.

supernatural.

historical.

angst. I'm SORRY but writing and describing pain is a different kind of joy for me.

found family. I'm gay.

cosmic motifs.

enemies to lovers. oh for someone to see all my worst parts and still fall in love with me. also consider: childhood friends to enemies to lovers.

religious trauma & guilt. I went to a catholic school what did you expect?

The Revolution Will Not Be Vilified.

Evil Is Sexy.

Trapped In Another World. I want to be Isekai-d so bad.

Song Fic. Most of my titles are actually song lyrics or my basic outlines follow the structure of a song.

“Slender Aphrodite has overcome me with longing for a girl,”

Somewhere In Limasawa Street is a queer historical fiction story set in 1898 when the Philippine-American war is just beyond the horizons and 19 year old mestiza, Lucena Candella is in the middle of a war with herself. Sheltered and painfully aloof, she meets brave but brash, Urduja Kalangitan, who is as emotionally aware as a rock and who happens to be the Revolutionary Army's best gunman—maybe that's what pulled quiet Lucena to her.

Between paper planes, porcelains, and battle scars, Lucena slowly learns to love, and that scared her. It scared her because she wasn't allowed to love that woman with the scarred smile and wild hair.

This is my main WIP and my passion project. I really wanted to write something that I can dedicate to the queers of history, the indigenous and people of color whose queerness is never told.

The title is a reference to Limasawa Street by folk pop band, Ben&Ben, I actually used the album and a few singles as inspiration for the plot. 

WIP Playlist. This story will be unapologetically Filipino.

“Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil,”

The Devil’s Choir is a low fantasy story following the adventures of seven unlikely friends who just want to go apeshit and run away from their shitty town. That is until they’re thrown into a you-need-to-save-the-whole-world mess without their written consent. Lucifer and Dionysus show up at their door step, dragging them head first into an abyss that even the Gods refuse to fall into. A war between the golden age and the future, it’s now up to this peculiar gang to save the world from the real threat.

The seven deadly sins but make them moody teenagers. this story has gone through so much revising for years! Found family, enemies to lovers, and unwilling heroes? check.

Unintentionally a copy of American Gods. It was too late until I realized the plot was kind of similar to American Gods. Help. 

WIP Playlist. I smell chaos, don’t you?

“It is true, we shall be monsters, cut off from all the world; but on that account we shall be more attached to one another.”

Manila Encounters is a paranormal urban fantasy story unfolding right in the pearl of the orient seas. When the clock strikes 3 AM and the lights of the skyscrapers turn dark—when the city sleeps, the monsters roam free. Deep between the alley ways of Manila city, look out for kids with a certain glow and bite behind their smiles. Look for the ones with sunkissed tans who speak in tongues. Look for the ones whose feet barely dip into murky bay waters and fingertips grazing moonlight. 

A dummy’s guide to Filipino folklore. Manila Encounters was inspired by a hashtag on Twitter of the same name where people wrote their own twist to Filipino urban legends and folk stories.

Oh great, another Percy Jackson rip-off. the main characters are demi-gods or descendants of Gods. Original, I know.

WIP Playlist. driving at midnight sort of vibe.

"You may forget but let me tell you this: someone in some future time will think of us."

And I Love her is a queer romance story about a girl who just recently moved into an old but well maintained cottage in some seaside town in Europe—and she finds in the middle of dusty furniture and underneath cobwebs, a rotary telephone sitting there unused for decades. It rings unexpectedly one day and what greets her is a soft voice belonging to someone who lived 60 years ago.

a dreamnotfound fanfic inspired this. and the South Korean horror film, The Call. 

gay yearning agenda. so much yearning. so much. I’m projecting.

WIP Playlist. My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand, taking mine, but it's been promised to another

A selected list of fics from my AO3 account. It’s gay.

I drowned a long time ago. Sakusa Kiyoomi isn’t in love. He’s devoted. Serial Killer AU.

Maaaring bang magkunwaring akin ka pa? A Tagalog Haikyuu fic based on the movie, Camp Sawi.

Marupok na puso ko. A Tagalog Haikyuu fic where they do the Filipino thing and get drunk.

My good puppy. My first try at writing smut. Jesus Christ.

Be my mistake. Where Kuroo Tetsurou calls up Tsukishima Kei one last time.

Make it hurt. The two times Atsumu Miya saw the entire universe behind Sakusa Kiyoomi’s eyes.

I still have a lot of stories that I hope to finish, I find it hard to discard or erase story ideas. So I hope one day, you can all watch me finish this list.

We Don’t Belong Here / Viva La Filipinas / Luna De Sangre Conspiracy / Lilith and Lysander’s Guide To Immortal Godparents / Lonely Hearts Club / A Lady’s Guide to Princes and Principles / Attack Block / Empty Thrones /  A Double Take / Stupid Cupid / Idle Town / Alice? / The 30 Day Deal / Lost Stars / The Apocalypse Program / Heartstrings  / Disastrously Danae

[moonflower-rose]

For your boredom asks! Do you fancy talking about your fic writing and reading habits? How do you decide what to write? What's your favourite thing about fandom? Do you plan or are you a pantser? What's your favourite fic? When did you start writing? (Just throwing these out there btw, feel free to ignore any or all!)

Firstly, thank you, omg. I needed something to focus on so much! This got loooooong. You are brilliant, thank you so much for asking.

I started writing in 2004 in terms of putting fic out there online, but I used to write RPF in high school about people in my year, lol, and there were dramatic readings held on the bus on the way home. Man, those were funny, I remember one of them was about two friends of mine who had very poorly disguised crushes on each other (no clue why they didn’t just get together) and the story was about one of them visiting the other one and they start to shag, and do so with such vigour that the floor collapses beneath them and their bed ends up in the living room downstairs. This one was extremely popular with the bus crowd, circa 1998. Looking back I think I’ve always used a fair amount of humour in my fic!

I’m not a good planner, I would LOVE to be a planner. I have a lot of ideas like literally all the time, and I keep track of them all using Trello, but I very rarely do any sort of genuine planning. I generally have a really persistent idea or scene that won’t leave me alone until I start writing it, and then wing it from there and hope my muse doesn’t abandon me in the middle. It causes all sorts of problem with writing myself into a corner or having to go back and re-read a million times to remind myself of plot details from the beginning. I think that’s why I don’t have more finished work or anything long - lack of planning!

As far as how I decide what to write, the ideas kind of decide for me because it either starts flooding out of me uncontrollably or its little sluggish trickles. The floods are so much more fun because my motivation is high, it feels great to be smashing out words, that makes more ideas flow, it’s like a huge buzz. The other kind is so painful, lol, like I desperately want to write the thing but the fact that it’s so difficult makes me want to lie down and sleep. Writing for fests is a lot easier, because there’s a deadline I have no control over that forces me to buckle down, and there’s a prompt to focus on which means I can’t procrastinate over my own ideas. I don’t know if that makes sense. It’s the structure I guess that helps me be productive. I have something like 20 WIPs of my own ideas because I lose focus, lol, but I’m determined to finish them all one day.

My fave thing about fandom is that other people have the same hyperfixation/s I do, and that we can lose our minds about them together. I have tried to talk to a couple of RL friends about fanfic and when I’ve had a successful (in my estimation!) piece, but they don’t get it, lol. Like, once someone bookmarked one of my fics and said something like it made them feel like their heart had been microwaved, and I loved that SO MUCH, and I told my work BFF who just looked confused. The pure joy of frantically exchanging DMs about something you’re obsessed with, to someone who is equally obsessed, ugh, such joy.

Fic reading habits - in the early days, I would read every new thing in whatever fandom I was in, literally every single one. But since my long fandom break (2012 to about 2017), it’s been more accidentally stumbling over things, or recs from people I’m following. Normally I start following people because of THEIR fic, so 99% of the time if they love something, I’m going to really enjoy it too. As soon as I find a fic I enjoy, I then read everything that author has written in a huge binge. I also tend check out their bookmarks as well. I find it very hard to stop when I’ve started, I will 100% start a 100K fic at midnight on a Monday with no sense of self preservation, and on occasion I have made excuses for RL activities so I can stay home and start/finish a fic, lol.

I truly could not pick a favourite fic, there are too many. I try to bookmark everything on AO3 because so many wonderful fics were lost on LJ with account deletions, and old archives going offline over the years. I can re-read Far From The Tree by aideomai a million times, and Only A Kiss by @writcraft breaks me into lil teeny pieces every time. Gosh there are just so many good things out there. Now I’m probably going to re-read Only A Kiss again, lol, whoops.

[shadowdianne]

A/N: -Quietly leaves these here.- Given what I’m writing at the moment I’m still on the fantasy side of things but not entirely about this particular topic so I’m having a blast whenever I think of these little snippets. This is still done in pair with a friend that asked me to follow her throughout the month as we both wrote small snippets of the word prompts. The rules being hardly any editing and more of a string of consciousness workshop than anything else.

They do not follow a particular logic but some are interconnected. Somewhat. Leaving the link for the first batch in case anyone is feeling curious.

14.-Cardinal

The virtues and sins are patiently listed down, just below the saints that you are supposed to follow blindly whenever you cross the portal between the world outside and what lies inside. You usually read up on the names with contrite expression, hoping others would understand your worry for devotion. There is very little to say to those who consider both penance and reward as unavoidable truths that can be condensed so neatly on written stone. Never pay any mind to the scorch marks around each and every pew, they seem to say with those unblinking eyes. The lines that have been there ever since the building was found amidst a set of others on the old part of town after all; why should they pay them any mind?

15.-Entrance

The door creaked as the boy made its way inside, worn boots scuffing against the panels so old they were half-covered in cobwebs so thick they could form entire architectures. He tried his hardest not to damage any of it, worried of spiders that would crawl their way up his bedroom window, find his eyes and ears, and made their way inside of him. It was no use, however, so rich they had grown, and so he mumbled a quiet prayer to the ground that surrounded him before making its way further into the foyer, leaving behind the main entrance and finding its way to the old silo in where the bones, yellowed by time, awaited him with the echo of a murmur growing ever-present with every step he took.

16.-Bell

The metal has long ago been corroded and left to rot, the wooden beams that held the structure together have been eaten or destroyed by both fire and wind but there’s still a firm layer of oil and grease around it, from the times in where it was taken care of, from the times in where its sound marked time and days and nights. They look up towards it, expecting almost to see it, moving, silent, silent, until a single note resonated through them all. It never came, of course, neither the sound of the movement: the old bell had long ago ceased to sound. Why then, the youngest of them would whisper, sometimes it almost seemed as if they called for them? Names like whispers through the nighttime sky.

17.-Book

The process of binding can take up hours; patience is a virtue that one needs to solidify within one self before even trying to accomplish anything with the pages that threaten to wrinkle and tear without the protective barrier the binding provides. The master is always gentle when he binds, always attentive, and well-mannered. There’s a fervor to his words, however, a particular tremor if one looks well enough. As if the process would, indeed, be sacred. The apprentices are always bored when he explains the process, however, promising that they would be slow, soft, but when the time comes, neither of them is capable of doing it like the master requires. And so, another book finds its bindings and another apprentice is asked for.

18.-Candle

The wax melted so very slowly that if it wasn’t because she kept an eye on it, she would have never seen how it started to disappear, the earth below sipping on the molten liquid as time passed. She knew she needed to go back; others would probably start to get worried if she didn’t, of course, but she had been tasked with the fire the candle represented and hold, she merely needed to wait. The door would be closing as soon as the last drop was consumed, but she still had time, did she not? Time for a little more waiting, for a little more, just a little more. She didn’t even realize when she fell asleep.

19.-Nonsense

Fragment disappoint finance engine finger limited allocation man encourage mask reduction interest army comedy grand height release referee flag shake convenience reverse spill delete cold plagiarize smile instruction mud terrify raw afford stimulation sigh fate guideline haunt sentiment track hip training export midnight moral win muscle layer intention stomach train desperate

20.-Wizened

The flowers dried as the adventurer walked, the cold starting to bit into his skin and, not for the first time, he found himself thinking back to the old woman’s cottage, next to the silo, he had passed last while trying to get any food for the path that awaited him. She had been kind, stubborn, even, while trying to sell him a bag even if he had refused it. “I have a backpack.” He had said, and the old woman had narrowed her eyes, her wizened face moving as she whispered something in a language he had been unable to follow; accent so thick it didn’t seem like any dialect he had tried to learn previous to his travel. The strap of his backpack had frozen some hours ago, his belongings scattered, and the decision of needing to pick the bare essentials one he hadn’t made lightly. He now wondered if she had known.

She had, of course, but she would never tell.

21.-Feline

The cat purrs, the sound of quietly bubbling soup filling the silences the creature leaves, the sound of wood against wood, of brushing brooms against hard soil a cacophony that feels welcoming even when eyes are slow to open, senses not quite still there to return. Mouth feels like ashes and sleep and stagnant water about to be flushed down. There’s smoke somewhere, an open flame, a set of rosemary drying to it, some tea that is not quite as tangy as you would remember, some runes written on the insides of your wrists. The cat is atop your lap, eyes closed, tail coiled around your fingers as you try to move for your mind only to fall back, back to a dream that is not yours to begin with. You try to say it to the first figure you come across, made out of ink and letters written by bards so far away from you their voices are echoes of odes that you would never get to listen to. The shadow does not answer, for it is unable to. The cat keeps on purring.

22.-Musical [Bonus points if you know the creature this is based from]

They chant, always chant, as you follow their voices through the bushes and the undergrowth of the forests that are closer to home, they always smile as your eyes follow the trickle of rivers that weren’t there the day before. Their hair is always long and limpid around their forms and they kept on brushing it as you move closer and closer still. Their feet are of those of the duck, you would later say to those around you with eyes glazed by the water, a portion of your soul gone like the wind that carries on the tune of their throats. They look at you as if mad, but they nod, either way, hoping for your own voice to stop singing a tune that is for the dead.

23.-Wicked

And the treatise was broken, and the kingdom fell for the souls of those who inhabited to transform and twist and reform into something that wasn’t human any longer as the mountains kept on growing, the blue of their color transforming into grey and then into green as they formed new hills, smaller in height than what it had been before. Eroded, would the scholars say, by time. And so, the grass grew longer and greener and the faults of those who had lived grew distant in time as their bodies fed the rivers and the trees, the paths once taken by wolves now devoured by ivy and loneliness. And the historians spoke of witches and kings and magic that had been once been thought true as others would say that wicked was just a form of the energy the land took in order to survive. But she never quite believed in that, not when time came to be precious, imperfect, as every clock began a new tune, the moon rising bloody and blue and purple and yellow, marked by the hexes once given to the land and soil she now lived and breathed.

[welllpthisishappening]

Hello there, I see you're back on blue-line drabbles! I love them, I am obsessed with this universe. I don't know if I ever came back to say hi after I read all your big fics, but somehow I liked each even better than the last! I don't know how that's possible! But anyway, I think one of the best signs of a good writer/good story is when you're not ready to leave the world once you've finished, and Blue Line is one of the few fanfics I've read where even well after I've finished it, (cont)

(cont) I want to keep living in it and I end up writing my own fic of it in my head (strange, I know). Anyway, for whatever reason, I got really invested in Roland and Lizzie's relationship. Like, how did they end up dating after knowing each other for literally Lizzie's entire life? How did the adults react? Do you have any Lizzie/Roland stories up your sleeve? They would not go unread :)

————

Hello, yes, listen, this ask has lived rent free™ in my head since I first got it and I cannot properly convey how absolutely, goddamn wonderful it is. I am a broken record of outdated references , but it continues and will always amaze me that people are not only interested in Blue Line (more than three years!!! after I originally started posting) but are also interested in other characters in the story who are, for all intents and purposes, original characters at this point. Like the overall size my heart becomes when reading something like that could potentially cause a serious medical condition.

But, like, in a nice way.

So thank you, thank you, thank you. It genuinely warms the cockles of my entire soul. And, like, if you wanna share those fic ideas of the fic, you’ll never hear me say no. Just like I will never turn down the opportunity to write more stuff. Which is what’s under the cut. This stuff includes:

Roland and Lizzie’s first kiss, what I hope is some legitimate banter, more kissing, obvious flirting, and Roland being something of a sap.

Also, uh, it’s entirely possible that I have also already written: Roland and Lizzie’s first “I love you,” their wedding and some other stuff where their kid is involved. Seriously, guys, I am always down to write other relationships in this ‘verse.

————

It was, she figured, something almost passably close to, sort of resembling, definitely inching somewhere nearer to—

Assured. 

Unavoidable. 

Inexorable

Inevitable. 

That was a bad word. That last word. The third one was pretty impressive, honestly. Vocabulary, wise. She’d have to remember that one later. The last one, though. Made teeth Lizzie wasn’t even aware she possessed ache as she ground them together, a pronounced tension in her jaw that was likely affecting her shoulders as well. That word. An awful word. Boasted less-than-positive connotations, letters practically dripping with lack of self-control and overtly aggressive infatuation, but if the world expected her not to be a little in love with Roland Locksley by the time she turned fourteen and noticed that slight indentation in his right cheek every time he smiled, well, then the world had another thing coming. 

Dimple, that was the appropriate description. Another word. More words. Too many words. All of them bouncing off the slope of her skull and scratching at the back of her brain, nearly distracting her from what should have been the very pleasant buzz lingering beneath whatever biological thing made up her top and bottom lips. 

Which were parted in an emotion very similar to overwhelming surprise. 

That was stupid. 

The whole thing was stupid. God, maybe she was stupid. No, that wasn’t true. She’d made Dean’s List last semester. Stupid was—

A stupid word, really. Despite the blush rising in her cheeks and the wide eyes practically boring into her soul, bated breath that didn’t make any noise because that was what bated entailed, and no one else glanced in their direction. Not once. No one else noticed. 

That the whole world had flipped upside down.

Or right-side-up, maybe. Depending on how the next five minutes or so went. 

Because the last two minutes and twelve seconds, give or take, had seen Roland Locksley tilt his head and let his eyes flutter closed before his mouth found hers for the very first time — at midnight for God’s sake. On New Year’s Eve. Or New Year’s Day, she supposed. His parents were standing on the other side of the room.

Suggesting that Lizzie had ever been just a little in love with Roland was a rather monumental lie. 

As far as those things went. 

“So, uh—” she started, only to find blood in her mouth. From her teeth. Wayward and unpredictable, as they were. Biting down on the side of her tongue and Lizzie hated going to the dentist. Doing irreparable damage to her teeth on what was now legitimately New Year’s Day, in the middle of an annual party, was not on her schedule. 

Metaphorical as it might have been. 

She liked schedules. Had plans. Focus, even. People always said that about her — how focused she was, liked to throw around the word drive with startling regularity, as if they were amazed she wasn’t simply willing to rest on her laurels or the pair of last names she proudly toted around with her. As if Lizzie expected doors to swing open on a glance. 

Rather than consistently preparing herself to knock them down. 

She liked the challenge of it all. Appreciated the way disbelief always spiked something in her blood, and that was likely equal parts genetic predisposition and a product of her childhood, but right now, Lizzie was simply prepared to fight for the schedule she’d never allowed herself to mention to anyone else before and it wasn’t like they weren’t friends. 

Talked outside the group chat, even. 

That meant something. Definitely meant something. Had to mean something. Her lips felt like they’d been doused in liquid nitrogen. 

She didn’t know all the scientific properties of liquid nitrogen, but it always made that rather impressive cloud of steam-type stuff on cooking shows. So, it seemed very likely that it did something similar to cause whatever was happening in the region directly surrounding her mouth. Buzzing and tingling, and whatnot. 

When had Roland last blinked? Lizzie couldn’t remember. That would have been impressive in any other situation. Right now, it was sort, kind of, totally— Pissing her off. 

Color dotted his cheeks, no sign of the goddamn dimple because he wasn’t smiling, presumably couldn’t do that when it was clear he was so intent on pulling his lips into his mouth, and that felt a little insulting. Her tongue had just been in that mouth. 

Lizzie was fairly confident in the abilities of her tongue, so she wasn’t all that pleased to be replaced by a pair of lips that could have been doing much better work against the side of her neck. 

“If you sit here right now and tell me that you are,” Lizzie lifted a finger, “one, sorry,” another finger, “two, anything even remotely resembling regretful,” another finger, wiggling close enough to Roland’s nose to make him just a bit cross-eyed, “or, three, too old for me, I will throw my heel at that bruise I know exists on the back of your left calf.”

His lips twitched. 

He really had impossible eyelashes. Seemingly made so he could glance up from underneath them, to meet Lizzie’s steely expression with what she refused to believe could be cautious hope. Passable optimism, maybe. She’d have to look up what liquid nitrogen did, later. 

“I’m standing.” “I hate you.”

“You wanna go in order, or how do you want to work this?” “Where else are you bruised?” Roland laughed softly, a shift of his shoulders and tiny burst of air between barely parted lips. Feeling that tiny burst meant they were standing very close to each other. How they were standing remained another mystery. 

One of those great ones, Lizzie figured. The kind referenced when people talked about the sweeping potential of life and love and— Ah, fuck. 

“Please don’t threaten to attack me anywhere else,” he muttered, before quickly adding, “you gotta know this was not my end game, Liza.” Narrowing her eyes did nothing to temper the…tempest. Swirling in her gut. Threatening the back of her throat. Eating away at vocal cords and vocal boxes and the structural integrity of her entire goddamn larynx. Possibly her tongue, too, just to be especially efficient. 

“Really? Might’a been mine, actually.”

She’d always liked his eyes. 

How they could widen, and it wasn’t like...a normal brown. Nothing about the way he looked was ever dull. Drifted toward regularly excited, and the sparkles were probably a figment of her over-active teenage imagination, but Lizzie liked to think sometimes the sparkle came from her. Because of her, even. When she’d call because he always wanted to hear about her latest lecture and he’d call because sometimes Western swings were exhausting and loneliness-inducing and—

She knew. 

He knew. 

They knew each other.   

Grand scheme, the sparkle-prone eyes still weren’t particularly close to the dimple. On the list of things Lizzie liked. What left butterflies fluttering in her stomach and her heart hammering against her chest. Sparkle was probably a solid fourth. Behind the precise way his curls fell toward his eyebrows when he didn’t have time to get his hair cut. Which rarely happened during the season. Right now, it was happening right now. Well-defined strands that Lizzie knew felt even smoother than she’d ever theorized between her fingers, and she wasn’t sure what she was going to do with that information. 

Obsess over it, probably. 

For at least the next week, or so. 

Still. Eyes. Eyelashes. Too long and too bright, and that was the wrong description order and she was starting to teeter. On the edge of a rather dramatic free-fall. Into feelings and possibility, and this was way too dramatic. For both of them. 

“Don’t do that,” she mumbled, a scrunch of her nose that apparently demanded his thumb. Brushing against the bridge, and there wasn’t any caution there. No obvious fear or concern. For the way it left Lizzie’s lungs pinched, and there must have been a limit. 

To everything her internal organs could cope with in a limited span of time. 

“What was the last one on the list?” She swallowed. “Too old.” “Yuh-huh.” “Pretty flimsy as far as excuses go. You realize I’m not asking you to marry me right now, right?” He choked. On what, she wasn’t entirely sure. Only that it made her stomach heave and her teeth dig into her lower lip, and that was— “Because I know I said, end game,” Lizzie continued, giving in to the need to fill empty space with the sound of her own voice, “but that sounds like several pop culture references all at once, and you know how much I—”

“Hate to come across as disingenuous.” “Mattie’s the pop culture reference machine, anyway.” “Please don’t talk about Matt when I keep thinking about how much I want to kiss you again.” Her eyes, that time. Widened. Bugged. Did something unnatural. “Yeah?” “You’re kidding me, right?” “You’re not an old man.” Rolling his eyes, Roland’s tongue dragged across the front of his teeth. To torture her, apparently. “I was in college when you were a freshman in high school.” “Yuh-huh.” “Liza.” “Nah, nah,” Lizzie shook her head. Crossed her arms. Tried to stand up to her full height, but even the heels didn’t do much to add to the overall intimidation factor. Roland was doing an awful job of fighting off his smile. “Pulling out ancient nicknames is not—” “—It’s not a nickname; it’s literally letters in your name.” “Nick,” she leaned forward, “name. All personal-like.”

Making mistakes was not something she enjoyed very much. It was that Jones competitive streak. Plus, the Vankald stubborn streak. Created a monster of determination, who knew what she wanted, and feeling Roland’s fingers graze her cheek as a strand of hair hung limply in the minimal space between them was the result of Lizzie’s mistaken movement. 

Even as much as she might have wanted it. 

Goosebumps prickled her arms. Stole whatever oxygen she’d managed to get in the last forty-six seconds, or so. Her eyes fluttered. Head tilted. Towards the touch and the warmth, and for someone who spent so much time on the ice, he really was impossibly warm. 

“This is your fault.”

He didn’t move his fingers. Cupped her cheek, instead. “You were doing that eyebrow thing.” “Expand on that for me.” “Lifting ‘em. Happens sometimes. When you’re listening intently. Like you’re a little amazed by new information. They’re these stupid little arches on your face. Drives me nuts.” “The compliment was in there somewhere, I’m sure of it.” “I am so much older than you, Liza.” “Shouldn’t’a played out a bunch of teenage daydreams at once, then.” She was legitimately worried about the state of his tongue. Barely biting back her laugh, Lizzie let her eyes lift. To find Roland gaping at her, drooped shoulders and puppy-dog eyes. And that goddamn dimple. “C’mon, this isn’t...do you think I haven’t made out with people before?” “Wouldn’t classify what we just did as a makeout.” “No?” His eyes darkened. Shivering was probably not a good move, right? Right. Definitely. She wasn’t shivering. It was just...January. And inside. With dozens of people around them. “I would not, no,” Roland said, and the drop in overall volume was some sort of trick. Or, something. 

“How many people do you think you’ve made out with? Ballpark it for me.” “No.” “Is the issue a lack of appropriate numbers to tally that mark, or—” She bit her tongue, again. At the flash of amused frustration sweeping his face and polluting the molecules of whatever air was hovering between them. Permeating was a better word. Lizzie really needed to work on all of that. Words. Being slightly less jealous of potential make outs that didn’t have anything to do with her and definitely happened because there had to be other people out there in the world who simply could not cope with the existence of that dimple. 

“How many people have you made out with, then?” “Scores,” Lizzie snarled, only to get immediately scoffed at. “I’m really, incredibly popular.” “Oh, I’ve got no doubt.” “Boatloads of guys. Lining up to,” she pointed an imperious finger at her mouth, “make out with this.” “Your well-defined chin?” “I’m going to take my shoe off.” “Draw attention with a move like that.” Whatever fight she had didn’t immediately die. It just, sort of, fell. At her feet, threatening all the bones there and there were too many. All of them far too fragile. For whatever metaphor she was running with at the moment. “And we’re not trying to do that, huh? Draw attention.” “Shouldn’t you be out sowing wild oats?” “Really know how to charm a girl,” she grumbled, and that got her a smile. No scoff. Not even the hint of a smile. The whiplash was hurting her neck. “Trust me, the oats have appropriately sowed. If I was ever particularly inclined to farm work.” “I’m starting to be vaguely embarrassed by all of this.” “Good.” Wasn’t quite a scoff. Was more like a half-hearted laugh, and a tinge of desire and that was better than the other emotions, but the decreasing level of Roland’s eyebrows gave her pause. “What about the status of your oats?”

“Well sowed, rookie season,” Roland said. 

“You’re going to change the name on your jersey.” “Not sure that particular fact has a lot to do with anything else. Seven years, Liza.” “I’m perfectly capable of doing math, you know I took that stats class once.” “Because I double checked everything you turned in.” “Makes you slightly less of an idiot than the vibe you're giving off right now.” “A freeway or compliments.” Pulling in a deep inhale through her nose, Lizzie didn’t miss the way Roland’s gaze fell. To the neckline of her dress, lingering on the jut of her collarbones for a few seconds longer than a strictly platonic friendship should allow, and they were friends. Still. She knew that as well as she knew that he believed she thought he was simply being clever with nicknames. 

And not making vaguely incorrect My Fair Lady references. 

Because he’d always been a little annoyed that Eliza had gone back to Henry Higgins. Instead of Freddie.

It was really impossible not to be a little in love with him at all times. 

“You’re really going to hyphenate?” Roland nodded. “Think of all the new jerseys they’ll sell.” “By the box-load, and Gina’s gonna buy the entire stock. She’s—that’s really nice, you know.” “Just a fact. Little late, but—” He shrugged. Lizzie’s smile threatened to split her face. In that same nice way, she’d been talking about. Her lips were still buzzing. She might have been buzzing. With adrenaline. Happiness. The near-desperate desire to find some type of closet and get her fingers back in Roland’s questionably long hair. 

“Of naming conventions.” She couldn’t begin to guess what the record was for shoulder shifts in an emotionally charged conversation between two people who were simultaneously ignoring the point of the conversation, but Lizzie also knew her eyebrows had been halfway up her face as he’d detailed the reasons for making his jersey say Mills-Locksley. From here on out. 

Maybe that was the top of the list, actually. 

He was a good guy. 

Had always been a good guy. The best guy, really. 

Falling into that chasm wasn’t nearly as terrifying as Lizzie expected it to be. 

“Why’d you do it?” Roland’s lips disappeared. His tongue moved, again. She was staring at the area around his tongue. So, like, his mouth. Directly at his mouth. “Because, I uh—have wanted to?” “Oh, don’t phrase that like a question.” “Wanted to,” he repeated, a statement of fact with a certain amount of conviction. Enough to make Lizzie’s pulse sputter. “Which is kind of freaking me out.” “Come back with more compliments.” “Your dress nearly made me fall over.” “Better, actually,” she laughed. 

He ran his fingers through his hair. “Made sense at the time.” “Be more specific.” “Kissing you,” Roland said, enough emphasis that he leaned forward half an inch as well. It was a miracle their noses didn’t collide. Not the most impressive miracle, but—counted. “If I tell you that you might be my best friend does that make the lamest professional hockey player alive?” “Yes, absolutely.” “Matt might challenge you to a duel if he hears me talking like this, you know.” “God, Locksley, didn’t we just talk about the Mattie rules? Also, that made it sound like Mattie wants to kiss you too, so...”

He chuckled. Fingers still tugging on the back of his hair, like he was trying to ground himself in the pull and the self-inflicted tension, Roland looked up. Back at her. And Lizzie didn’t flinch. Didn’t blink. Held her position and prepared herself to defend the schedule she’d only ever allowed herself to hope for in the silence of that one corner in her brain. 

Filled, as it was, with memories. Of conversations that didn’t have anything to do with hockey. Others that did. Arguing over blue line placement in the brownstone and college rankings. Of movies watched on two different laptops in different corners of the country, bad jokes, and consistent updates, that deep-rooted understanding that came from a life full of expectations and the exact opposite. No overt pressure, but the need to prove yourself anyway, if only because of the name on the back of the jersey, and Lizzie was going to have to buy a new jersey. 

“You like me? Yes, or no?” Roland smiled. Wide and honest, the kind that ensured the dimple was on prominent display. “Yes.” “I am a grown adult? Yes, or no?” Crinkles appeared around his eyes. From the smile. 

“Yes.” “Meaning I get to make my own choices. Romantically, or otherwise. Yes, or no?” “Obviously.” “Wasn’t one of the options.” “Yes,” Roland corrected, fingers trailing over the bend of her elbow. Lizzie hadn’t uncrossed her arms. Or remembered when she’d crossed them in the first place. 

“Ok, good. Same page, then.” “Liza.” “Locksley.” Lifting her eyebrows wasn’t a challenge, per se. Was closer to instinct, really. Specifics didn’t matter, honestly. She did that thing with her eyebrows, and he did that thing with his mouth, the same one she was staring at and hoping would move closer to her, and then—

Well, it did. 

Hands found Lizzie’s hips, pulling her forward sharply enough that she let out a soft grunt. From the feel of hips bumping against hers, and she honestly wasn’t sure who hissed in their next inhale, only that it did something to the flutter-like state of her pulse and the erratic nature of her heart, and it was slow and fast and good and great and not a single person noticed. 

Miracles were arriving en masse, apparently. 

Pushing her fingers into Roland’s hair got Lizzie another hum of approval, the first brush of his tongue making her lips part and her head fall to the side, but then his hand was wrapped around the back of her neck, and she could not be expected to pay attention to anything except the semi-consistent swipe of his thumb against her skin. It left more goosebumps. Caused another chuckle, the kind that rumbled through her and resonated around her, a tiny bubble of that same cautious optimism from before. 

Like a spark. 

Fanning flames and threatening to burn everything because if this didn’t work, then Lizzie wasn’t sure what would, and that was scary and overwhelming and terrifying was a synonym, but she really was working with very limited word-based resources when Roland’s thumb kept moving. Tracing her. Committing the feel to memory, and she wasn’t sure when they’d established the rocking pattern they were moving in, but something deep in the center of her trusted it. 

Someone who regularly strapped knives to his feet and raced around at top speed knew how to stay balanced. And she was a stubborn idiot. Who got what she wanted. 

“Is part of liking me because I told you I didn’t think it was embarrassing that you still got a little emotional about Miracle on 34th Street?” Laughter pushed past her lips. Took root in the pit of her stomach and the spaces between her ribs. Laced through her heart. In the kind of way that cemented itself. Right in the middle of Lizzie. Right in the middle of this. Them. 

There was a them, now. 

“Was definitely a factor, yeah,” Roland said, not bothering to pull away. “You, uh—you snuck up on me a little, Liza.” “Peak romance.” “Want me to talk about your dress some more?” She shook her head. “Unnecessary. And you didn’t.” “That might be part of the problem.” “Nursing old crushes, you mean?” Her hair hit her cheek. And his hand. He couldn’t seem to let go of her. “Nah, this wasn’t like...there was no torch, not really. I—I wasn’t hanging posters of you on my wall if that’s the picture you’ve painted for yourself.” “Kinda disappointing, admittedly.” “Pick a lane, babe.” No sparkle, that time. Just flash and want and the very thin line Lizzie’s lips had become. “Be more specific,” Roland repeated softly. “You’re not standing on a pedestal. Just you, Rol, as is.” He waited. That was fair. There should have been more. Should have been a detailed list of all the reasons the grown-up version of her liked so many parts of the grown-up version of him, but that all felt a little extraneous when she was still thinking about closet-type possibilities and that stubborn streak was a mile wide, anyway. 

Roland nodded once. “Good.”

Both of them jumped. At the pop of another champagne bottle and Lizzie never understood how Regina managed to order so much champagne every year, but she felt a bit like she was floating on the bubbles, and they didn’t decide. Explicitly. To keep the whole thing—

Secret. 

Another bad word. With bad connotations and shadows that clung to the definition, but this was them and only them and, for right now, that was enough. And if no one noticed the way Roland’s hand drifted over the small of Lizzie’s back during David’s speech, then that was a miracle she was willing to accept. 

[exciting]

As requested, books / series I read in 2020 in the order I read them, with a few brief thoughts. (This took me a hot second because there are a few and also I moved cities) Should I keep a consistent goodreads? Yes I should but I didn’t think of that at the time, so bone apple teeth & sorry if I offend you abt your faves x

P.S. I can’t figure out how to do a read more on mobile so long post ahead!

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas - This is one of the most vivid published fantasy books I have ever read... I read it twice in rapid succession. The fandom POPS off. I must say I have issues with certain aspects e.g. fae lore completely ignored à la Twilight, all love interests 500+ years old and technically a different species, etc (I’m not going to deconstruct the entire series here but just know that I could... Nesta deserves better)

Cruel Prince by Holly Black - This fucking slaps, HB clearly has done her research, the lore is near immaculate, and it explores the Fae in such a unique way, tying it to the modern world subtly and seamlessly. My only qualm was that the books felt quite short; truly wish there had been more content.

Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas (6/7) - So basically I read this in one single, hyperfixated fit which meant I literally locked myself in my room for three days straight and read all six books back to back in a row from morning to the wee hours. Which is not to say it was spectacular; although it was a VERY rich world, sometimes it was too much... this felt like 6 stories in one. Ik she was young when she wrote this but it is my humble opinion that SJM needs a better editor & I personally think Rowan is a grade A asshole / straight up abusive (& personally think the ACOTAR Tamlin plot was born from that?). It’s good but not as good as ACOTAR. Skip-read the last book. 

Grishaverse (Shadow and Bone) by Leigh Bardugo (3) - This is essential to read before SOC but was very much simply a YA fantasy book, although the world was cool and the way the love plot played out was, imo, a subtle middle finger to the fantasy trope. Felt very much aimed at younger readers though? Really liked the sandwhich structure of the Proluge and Epilogue, especially in #2

Six of Crows series by Leigh Bardugo (2) - INCREDIBLE continuation of Grishaverse, better than the original series by a mile. It has the range, the diversity, the representation (the male lead is a disabled asexual and still the most cunning of the entire cast of characters), the plot is phenomenal, and it manages such a well rounded plot in only two books which means nothing is stretched out or squeezed in more than need be. Deserves all the praise it gets.

King of Scars series by Leigh Bardugo (0.5/1) - Personally I don’t consider this book canon, and while it’s nice to see the rest of Nina’s journey & the world again & everyone else, I don't like it. I will, however, be reading book 2 when it comes out, so shame on me, I suppose.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo (1/1) - this was incredibly cool although it went off in a completely different direction than I thought it would based off the first few chapters? One of my favourite YA-author-debuts-New-Adult novels in 2020 though!

Crescent City by Sarah J Maas (1/1) - This was supposed to be SJM/s New Adult debut, although personally I would put her other series in New Adult, and I can’t say a remarkable amount was different with this except they said “fuck” and “ass” a lot. WHY is the romantic interest 500 years old AGAIN. I just... don’t... I just don’t think it was necessary... the world was cool though, and the last half of the book was riveting, but the beginning was quite slow and I thought the sword thing was predictable. I am interested to see where this goes though.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab (3) - This world is so fucking cool... four Londons aka parallel universes & the one in ‘our’ world is set in industrial era London. Magic, girls dressing up as boys, thieves, pirates, royalty... it all just slaps. Schwab is an incredible writer & I was completely immersed.

Midnight Sun by SMeyer - I didn’t think anything could possibly detract even further from the Twilight story but I was sorely mistaken... seeing the stalking from Edward’s POV - and it was worse than depicted in Twilight, for the record - completely obliterated any sort of romance the first half of the original book may have portrayed. I still hold the opinion that the entire series would have been better if some kind of vampire lore had been abided by, if only to see all of the villains thwarted by someone dropping a bag of rice on the ground, forcing them to have to count them all.

An ember in the Ash by Sabaa Tahir  (3/4) - This was just a very stereotypical ya fantasy series, emphasis on the YOUNG... it wasn’t anything to write home about but I remember quite enjoying it at the time. 

The Power by Naomi Alderman - This book is FUCKING incredible and EXCEPTIONALLY thought provoking... essentially women alone develop a power of electric shock etc. and then take over the world from men, and it explores feminism and the balance between equality & tipping the scales in the other direction. Written by a friend of M.Atwood in a similar tone to handmaids tale, I would say? Content warning; there are some exceptionally graphic scenes in the latter half of the novel. 

Hamlet by Wllm Shksp - I can’t believe it took me this long to finally read it but Ophelia is my favourite name in the entire world & we love to see a woman go batshit (although she didn’t deserve that). 

Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas - this was unsettling in the best sense of the word... it was a little slow & honestly more of a concept than a big reveal, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it after I finished it? A Secret History vibes but make it blurry like the memory of all those dystopian novels you read when you were young?

The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue by V.E. Schwab - This is without a doubt my book of the year, and probably the best book I read in 2020? I stayed up all night on a friend’s couch reading it, got a book hangover and reread the ending, and then thrust it upon my mother who doesn’t usually read but read this, and loved it just as much. HIGHLY recommend and you HAVE to read it, it’s beautiful and endearing and just plain wonderful.

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat (3/3) - I went into this knowing it was going to be terrible, because I had received a blow by blow telling me as much; although I must say that it did learn a remarkable amount of new words, the books did get better as the series went on, and it did have a rather charming ending? BIG content warning for almost everything.

Sapiens by Yuval Harari - mind-expanding & must recommend for everyone, there is everything in this and I daresay everyone should posses this kind of knowledge? I listened to it as an audiobook (which I recommend because it’s rather hearty) but will be buying this in hardcopy & rereading it with annotations. 

Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - Without a doubt, one of the most beautiful novels I have ever read, and certainly the most beautiful portrayal of the story of Achilles and the battle of Troy I have ever seen. Patroclus deserved the justice that was given to him in this book; indeed, all of the characters were written with justice and grace. Highly recommend.

Trials of Apollo by Rick Riordan (3/5) - Apollo is my favourite Greek God, and the sexiest greek god, and Rick Riordan’s writing slaps, as always. It did pain me to see Apollo, the sexy immortal, have to be forced back into a 16 year old’s body but everything else? Whimsical & wonderful, as expected. 

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong - a retelling of Romeo and Juliette, except it’s set in Shanghai in the 1920′s, and the protagonists already have a history. Very well done, characters are incredibly diverse in race, sexual orientation, gender, and ability / disability (and honestly, representation has never appeared so effortless and elegant). Also it includes a monster and possible magic. Incredibly underrated and highly recommend.

The Once and Future Witches by Alix. E Harrow - this was such a unique concept, and truly captivating, the story was charming, and felt like the kind of beautiful fairytale you would read as children but with more grit? ABSOLUTELY recommend this one

The Pisces by Melissa Broder - I hated this so much, not my vibe at all. Mermaid smut x therapy but make it cynical and judgemental (I know there was a moral in there but that’s not my point) also the dog dies.

Library of the Unwritten by A.J. Hackwith (1/2) - really interesting & unique concept (all unwritten novels / ideas reside in a special library that is part of Hell and then sometimes the books can come to life) however, my first thought upon reading this was “this reads as if it’s stemmed from one of those writing prompt tumblr posts” bc of the tone and whatever and as it turns out I was somewhat correct, it did stem from a short story (not bad just obvious). It did kind of settle down as it went on but I found reading it kind of a drag, and I don’t think I will read the second one.

Abandon by Meg Cabot - 1. Meg Cabot’s writing always fucking slaps 2. Hades and Persephone but make it modern & very 2000′s & somehow kind of unique 3. I literally loved this, sue me

Medusa Girls (Sweet Venom) by Tera Childs - Like Percy Jackson except they are descendants of Medusa so they are Gorgons and have fangs & venom (hence the title). Gave me very 2000′s vibes? Quite cool but tbh I found the books quite short (like two hours each, if that)? Do NOT read the GoodReads description of the book before you read it, you will spoil it for yourself.

Bring me their Hearts by Sara Wolf - In my opinion, this is one of the most underrated YA series I read in 2020. The heroine is endearing, self aware, witty, and loves to look pretty even while kicking ass which in my opinion is an incredibly underrated trait. Also, immortality without being hundreds of years old? VERY sexy. HIGHLY recommend. 

A Deal with the Elf King by Elise Kova - High commendation to be given for the fact that it is a standalone and yet manages to fit in the plot of what would usually be a full fantasy trilogy without cutting corners or being a million miles long? Also sweet storyline & beautiful ending? If you liked ACOTAR you should read this as a “what would have / could have been had SJM had a different editor” (No shade I promise).

The Iron Fae by Julie Kagawa (4/4 + novellas) - Incredibly detailed faerie set around the modern world & our current use of technology & iron in it. Very neat adventure-style series, by the time I read the last novella I was well and truly done with the world (aka provided enough content to be fulfilling). Was definitely aimed at a younger audience though, NO smut / smut was brushed over.

The Modern Faerie Tales by Holly Black (3/3 SS) - This is technically the prequel to Cruel prince, set in the modern world, but with the fae world inside it as it traditional? All I have to say is that it is excellent & I highly recommend it.

Bridgerton series (The Duke and I) by Julia Quinn (9/9) - I read this after watching the Netflix show twice through and I am obsessed, although the books were not quite as elegant as the show, and some parts that made me cringe either by their portrayal (it is very firmly set in the 19th century and thus some things are not handled with tact or grace), the characters were exceptionally loveable and I am so excited to see where the show takes them! Lovely language & an abundance of words I had never seen before (always a plus). 

[iyatsumu]

It’s Not All Games; Kenma Kozume

Genre: Fluff, Arcade Date

Word Count: 4.3K

Author’s Note: Hi everyone! This is my first Haikyuu oneshot and I hope you will support my work and future ones. I’ve only recently watched it (I know pretty late right?) and I’m already in love with the series. This was definitely a tricky story to write especially since it was only requested and I’m not a person that goes to arcades so I was not sure about things that happen in arcades. I hope you enjoy my oneshots! See you in the next one :))

"Everyone make sure to rest well this weekend and enjoy the day. We'll return to vigorous training starting next week since we have friendly match against Furokodani Academy. Don't take this game lightly for we all know their members enjoy a challenging game, especially Bokuto Koutarou. So, I want everyone to be in their best shapes by then. Dismissed." Another tired sigh left Kenma's lips as he stuffs his jersey that reeked of sweat and drenched towels into a specific compartment in his gym bag. Sticking his hand into a smaller zipper, he pulls out his Nintendo Switch and starts playing another video game. "Kenma, how are things with you and Y/N?" Kuroo, their captain asked as he slung his bag over his shoulders, a curious grin played on his lips. Kenma glances up to take a glimpse of his senior's grin and focuses back to his game, giving Kuroo a small nod as an answer. Clearly annoyed at the dullness of his friend, Tetsurou grabs the gadget and switches it off. Nothing changed in Kenma's expression as he stared at his captain dead in the eyes, void of any emotions. Grabbing the gadget from Tetsurou, he stuffs it back into his bag and simply hangs his head low as the other break into conversations.   "Do you even go out on dates?" Taketora asks as he snakes his arm over Kenma's shoulders. "Dates?" Kenma asked softly, his voice almost inaudible. Taketora then nods, waiting for his friend's reply. "Uh, she travels to Nerima to watch some practice games from time to time." Kenma answers and the rest of the group stare at the boy in disbelief. Kuroo smacks the back of Kenma's head as he walks in front of the group. "That is not a date Kenma. Does Y/N even have reassurance that you like her? It seems as if she's more of a fan than your girlfriend if she has to travel to our school to see you." The older boy says and the rest agrees. "So?" At that moment, Tetsurou simply wanted to pummel the younger boy into a pulp. "Seriously Kenma? Do you actually like Y/N?" Taketora asks as the group finally exits the school gates. Kenma Kozume was a very dull person. He was somewhat emotionless, he shows no reactions, despite being in pain or facing difficulties, Kenma would never show any signs of weakness. You knew getting into a relationship would be hard, however you were willing to risk it for Kenma. You first met during a tournament in middle school. Kenma was your schoolmate, he was a year older and was a part of the boys’ volleyball team while you were a freshman and the spiker of the girls’ volleyball team. Both of you would often bump into each other since the school did not have enough space for separate courts to cater both teams. There were times where both coaches had to agree on schedules for the court, but when tournaments are around the corner, both teams had to adjust and practice together.

During these games, Kenma would often be the setter while you were one of the spikers. Both coaches believed that both of you had a great combination, with Kenma's tactical style of play and your accurate ball placements and powerful spikes, the duo was nigh on perfect. However, that was all that you were to each other. Partners during combined practices. Outside the court, Kenma and you never talked or even paid attention to each other.  You moved to Furokodani Academy at the start of high school while Kenma transferred to Nekoma so both of you drifted apart. Not until you met during another tournament last year. Another fact about you is that, the reason you were a well-known spiker in the women's division was because you were Y/N Koutarou, the younger sister of Bokuto Koutarou, one of the Top 5 players in Japan. Since you were young, Bokuto would always drag you into mini challenges to know who was the better spiker, of course with the help of your mother acting as setter for both of you. Obviously, Bokuto would always win, he was a natural at it. However, that never bothered you, because after all that, Bokuto would encourage and help you improve yourself. With that, you have become one of the most fearsome spikers in the prefecture and claimed the position of team 'Ace' despite only being a freshman. 

___ Wiping the sweat that dripped from your forehead, you grab your water bottle and chug the remaining contents as the captain gave out assignments for the cleanup of today's practice. It was finally Friday, and practice had just ended. You started packing after placing all the balls back into the cart and pushing it into the storage room. From outside the club's room, you could hear your obnoxious brother's voice. "Y/N! Y/N, hurry. I have news!" You groan and turn to face your groupmates, bowing and saying your goodbye as you grabbed your bag and walked out the room. Bokuto was jumping up and down as he anticipated you to ask him what he wanted to say. "What do you want?" You asked as both of you walked out the school campus. "Our coach arranged a friendly match with Nekoma High. It's 2 weeks from now. Do you want to come with us? Watch me beat them and get Tetsurou to buy me a big bowl of ramen." He says excitedly, a devilish laugh following after. Bokuto may be one of the top players in Japan, but to you, he was a joke. Your brother had the mind of a 9-year-old boy with the body structure of a 20-year-old guy. Bokuto was buff with wide shoulders, but don't let his physical appearance fool you, he was the type of person to scream "mommy" on a Ferris wheel. "Good luck getting through Tetsurou's blocks. That guy is an amazing blocker with good judgement." You teased and Bokuto tensed up. He hated it when someone looked down on his talents, especially his spikes. "Y/N, Kuroo has nothing on my spikes. Besides, I too, am pretty smart." With that, you laughed loudly, Bokuto clearly confused with your sudden burst of laughter. "Don't make me laugh Bokuto. Tetsurou is an amazing blocker and captain, getting through him will be tougher than you think it is." You pointed out and grabbed your phone that was buzzing in your pocket. "You're probably just salty because I'm going to beat your precious boy, Kenma." Bokuto spat and you could feel your cheeks burn. Kenma and you were always the low-profile kind of relationship. Sure, you were official, however it was never a big deal to let the world know about the relationship. So far, only his team members know, courtesy to Kuroo Tetsurou for screaming it out loud during a practice and of course Bokuto and Akaashi. Not even your teammates knew about it, simply because you didn't want them geeking out about it. "Y/N?" It was a message from Kenma. Surprised was written all over your face, Kenma Kozume was never the type to send a message first. Usually, you would be the one to send a message after practice to talk about your day, but this was definitely new. You typed in your reply as you and Bokuto got into the bus to head back home. It was Saturday tomorrow so you could rest a lot when you finally got back. The Inter High Preliminaries ended a few weeks back and of course, both teams from Furokodani made it in. "Tetsurou forced me to ask you to go out tomorrow. If you're free." Your heart did mini backflips as you read the message. It's been a few weeks since you last saw Kenma. He invited you to have lunch with him and his friends after their match during the preliminaries, which they obviously won. "Sure, I'll message you when you arrive home." With that, you let out a pleased sigh and relax on the seat, closing your eyes to find comfort in the quiet bus. ___ After dinner, you immediately went into your room and got comfortable in the bed. Grabbing your phone, you typed in a message and sent it to Kenma. "I was wondering if you'd like to meet in Shinjuku? We can have some lunch and maybe visit my favorite arcade?" This was another thing that you absolutely loved about Kenma. He was a very simple person and it didn't take much to please him. Games and some sweet words from you would melt his heart. Kenma Kozume may seem like someone who was not into this relationship thing, he gives off vibes that may be misinterpreted as uninterested or dry, but Kenma was the opposite of that. He tries to be open about his emotions and lets you in mind from time to time. It took a few months before he was comfortable enough to let you in his mind, but the wait was worth it. For deep inside, Kenma was simply a little baby. He loved talking about his games with you, he enjoyed practicing your spikes with his tosses, and he absolutely adored it when you would borrow his gaming devices to try and beat his high scores. As months passed, Kenma slowly opened up to you about every little thing in his mind, he was no longer the dry Kozume that you met in middle school. "I think that sounds great Kenma. I'll see you tomorrow then?" You asked and he replied with a simple yes. The conversation went from there, as he talked about how he got annoyed by Taketora and Tetsurou constantly arguing during practice. It was almost midnight when Kenma finally decided he was sleepy and that you should rest too. So, with that, he messaged you goodnight and headed to bed. You smiled at his message and replied with the same one, switching off the phone and setting it aside. ___ The sound of numerous text messages woke Kenma up from his peaceful sleep. Grabbing his phone, he squinted at the device to make out the name "Captain" on his screen. It was Kuroo Tetsurou. "Hey, don't you have a date with Y/N?" "It's already 10." "You're going to be late." "You have to wait for her in Shinjuku you know?" "Kenma!" "Yeah Y/N is going to break up with you. Goodluck." Kenma sighed as he switched the device off and got out of bed. Hopping into the shower, Kenma washed up as quick as he could in order to catch the bus and not keep you waiting at the station. He wore a simple white t-shirt, grey sweatpants and an oversized black hoodie over his t-shirt. Kenma’s fashion style was always a casual and comfortable one, unlike Tetsurou who tends to wear blazers and chukka boots to bring out his classy persona. After sending you a message that he was on his way to Shinjuku, Kenma exits the house and walks towards the closest bus stop, which was about 3 minutes away from their house. He pulls out his earphones and plugs it into his gaming device, entering a new level as he makes his way towards the stop. You on the other hand was already on a bus headed for Shinjuku, although it would take you a few more minutes to arrive since you came from Edogawa, compared to Kenma who would probably come from Nerima. Focusing on the road ahead, you tap on the next song as you adjusted your earphones. It would take another 15 to 20 minutes before you would arrive in Shinjuku so you decided to relax in the bus. ___ Finally stepping out of the bus, Kenma pulled out his phone and sent you a message, indicating that he was already in Shinjuku. He said he would be waiting for you in one of the benches so you simply needed to send him a message if you've already arrived. You read his message and replied with a simple 'okay' as you adjusted the strap of your mini backpack. Based on the road, you were already close to the station so you prepared to leave. You were obviously excited to spend the day with Kenma, you couldn't even get the thought out of your mind when he asked you out last night. "Hey, how was the ride?" Kenma greeted the moment you stepped out of the bus. He was already waiting by the exit door of the bus when it pulled up in front of him. You smiled and nodded at him, indicating that it was pretty good. Kenma holds out his hand in front of you and you placed your hand atop his, he then intertwines your fingers and both of you walk towards one of the nearest shopping malls in Shinjuku. Both of you agreed to have some lunch first before heading to the arcade. Spotting a small booth by the windows, you tugged Kenma towards it and both of you got seated as a waiter follows after with the menus. You were in a small cozy restaurant in one of the malls of Shinjuku. "What do you want to have?" You asked Kenma as he looks through the menu. You had already decided on a bowl of Tonkotsu ramen and some green tea soda. It may not seem like it, but Kenma can eat a lot depending on his mood so you were anticipating his orders. "Maybe some rice with curry, two servings of tempura, miso soup and I'll also have a green tea soda." If you look at Kenma, that meal would probably be too much for him, however aside from games, Kenma also loved food, so you nodded happily and repeated your orders to the waiter. "How's your practice in school? You didn't tell me about its last night." Kenma initiated the conversation and you laughed. Due to being too exhausted last night, you weren't able to talk about your day. It was mostly Kenma doing the talking while you listened and tried not to fall asleep. "It's good. Our captain, Maki is still torn on what to do with Sara." You groaned, your mind wandering to the outburst of Maki yesterday. It was like any normal day in practice, the two of them could never get along with each other. Maki was the team captain and right-side spiker while Sara was the regular setter. They've been playing for 2 years but Maki could still not keep up with Sara's tosses and Sara wouldn't adjust for Maki either. To simplify their problem, Sara was never a team player. She hated it when people told her to change something in her play style or when others would point out a mistake in her tosses or timing. It always pissed Maki off but they couldn't do anything about it because the substitute setter was still a freshman just like you and she was slightly inexperienced. "Hmm, why don’t you just kick her out of the team?" Kenma asked and you shook your head. If that was possible, Sara would have been out of the team a long time ago. "The coach won't allow it. He says Sara is a great setter, we just need to find a way to get her to play for the team in a professional way." You sigh and Kenma stares at you emotionless. "If a setter can't adjust for his or her team, why bother playing? Volleyball is a team sport so if you can't play as a team, the meaning of the sport is rendered useless." Kenma says and your jaw dropped. He was always the smarter between the two of you. He spoke with such intelligence and facts that sometimes you'd forget that he was an emotionless person. Kenma takes pride in what he believes in and will argue you with what he deems as right, that is if he is the mood to do so. If not, he'll simply ignore you and walk away.   "That's the thing. But I can't do anything about it, Maki is still our captain and Sara is a year older than me, so I feel like I have no position to say anything." You admitted and Kenma shook his head. "Y/N, you're the team's ace. You have a valuable position and Sara as your setter, who refuses to cooperate with the team, how will you be able to perform well? She'll simply drag the team down." He pointed out and of course, he was right. With Sara and Maki's constant bickering, practice always seemed to be tensed. Sara's tosses were difficult to catch up with and that alone messes up your spikes. If it continues to happen, the team's performance will be a mess during the actual competition. The conversation went on until the food was served. The glint in Kenma's eyes were visible the moment the waiter placed his meals on the table. This guy and his love for food, seriously. ___ "Alright, so what game do you want to try first?" Kenma asked as his eyes scan around the arcade. Neon lights brightened up the place and there were not many people around. You stared at Kenma and at that moment, all your thoughts left your mind. He was bewitching, his blonde streaks appeared golden under the neon lights and his expressionless features with a small, almost invisible smile made him even more beautiful. Kenma Kozume couldn't be labeled as the 'heartbreaker' type of beauty, he was more of an adorable baby. Kenma had soft features and a heartwarming vibe, he may seem cold on the outside, but he was an absolute sweetheart when he is fully comfortable with you. "Uhm, Y/N?" He asked softly, his hand slowly waving up and down in front of you. "Oh, sorry. You just caught my attention." You admitted sheepishly and Kenma stood there, unable to find the proper words to answer you. He could feel a soft eruption in his stomach but he had no idea what it indicated, all he knew was you were adorable and knowing that he managed to catch your attention, made him all fuzzy inside. "But, anyways, I want to try some games that will win me some tickets. I really want to get that stuffed kitty." You pointed at the striped black and yellow plushed cat at the top shelf of the registrar. Kenma nodded and led you towards a racing game. "If you can get first place in the race, it'll give you a bunch of tickets. We could also try out the Pacman game after, but you'd have to beat some of the high scores to get tickets. Are you down?" He asked and you nodded excitedly. Both of you got seated on the plastic car seat as you insert coins to join the race. Bokuto always played this game and most of the time, he'd spill some tips on how he manages to pull up first place, so maybe you could use that to your advantage. As the race begins, you step on the accelerator and the animated car jolts forward. Although it was just a game, the thrill was definitely creeping up in your body and that made you want to enjoy the game even more. Kenma, who was beside you, was really focusing on the race. He mentioned that you do need to have focus in order to avoid obstacles in the game, and that seemed to work well for him. You were currently in second place while Kenma took the lead. The games were somehow connected, maybe because the manager intended it to be, but you had no complaints, being able to race with Kenma was fun. It didn't matter who would win, as long as you both enjoyed the game. In the end, Kenma won and he got the tickets. Handing it to you, he tugs you towards the pacman gaming machine, a smile lingering on his lips. "Let me beat the high scores, just buy me some mochis to snack on and I’ll get you that plushie." Kenma assures and you nodded, walking towards one of the stands outside of the arcade to buy a serving of 4 mochis. "Do you want me to feed it to you while you play?" You asked and Kenma nodded, inserting a few coins into the machine and waiting for it to start. Grabbing a strawberry mochi, you brought it up to Kenma's lips as he takes a big bite of it. You smiled as his face puffed up and his eyes lighting up at the details of the game. Kenma really enjoyed playing games like these and knowing that he's also doing it to get you what you wanted, it made you adore the boy even more. Kenma is not everyone's ideal type of guy. He can be really distant and secretive, sometimes he could even ignore you because he simply did not want to talk. But you must have patience, because it's just who he is. Kenma is not used to having someone persistent to encourage him to speak up, but when he does, he's just like everyone else, a guy who has annoying friends, works hard for school and finds a reason to enjoy volleyball. Most importantly, he's just a guy with a big crush on you but he's too shy to tell you about it. So, to him, when you started dating and finally made it official, it was one of the best days of his life. It was a warm feeling that engulfed him throughout the day, and he only felt that way for you. "Y/N! I did it, look! I'm on the top!" He shouts with excitement as his display name popped up on the top of the ranks. Y/N Koz "Y/N Koz? What's with that name?" You asked as Kenma stood up and handed you a bunch of tickets. "It's your name and my Kozume." He answers, placing a soft kiss on your forehead. You blinked in astonishment and Kenma holds your hand, dragging you away from the game machine. "You kissed my forehead." You said, still shocked from Kenma's gesture. The boy simply laughed and inserted another bunch of coins into a different game. "If you'll feed me again, I might do it again." He teases and you punch his arm lightly. Both of you ended up laughing and trying out every game in the arcade, which ended up with you and a basket of tickets. Kenma definitely was a regular in this arcade, he knew every game there was in this arcade and he managed to beat most of the high scores of each machine. ___ At the end of the day, Kenma was able to gather enough tickets to get you the stuffed kitty that you wanted. You held it up beside Kenma and smiled while the boy was obviously confused. "It reminds me of you Ken." You pointed out and Kenma blushed a light hue of pink. Another wave of fuzziness washed up in his system. You always had that effect on him, it confused him as to why, however he loved it and he had no complaints. Kenma grabs your hand and both of you exit the arcade. It was about 5 in the afternoon and he insisted on taking you home before heading back himself. It would be a pretty exhausting ride since it took about an hour from Shinjuku to Edogawa using a bus, and another hour from Edogawa to Nerima. "Are you sure you want to accompany me home? It's going to be tiring for you Ken." You said and Kenma simply shook his head as both of you walk towards the bus station of Shinjuku. "Tetsurou said something that made me realize that maybe I do not show you enough love." He admits and at that moment, your heart melted into a pudding. Kenma was never this open about his thoughts, he did not like being too clingy or sappy. Both of you shared casual conversations and maybe some affectionate messages from time to time, but not to the extent that he would let you into the deepest parts of his mind. "Ken, I accept you for what you are. I don't mind your silence, I love it when you slowly open your heart to me, and I understand your personality. You may not be the most affectionate person, but you make me feel loved in your own little way. That alone is enough for me to know that I've got you and you've got me. I know you love me Kozume." You said and b0th of you enter the bus headed for Edogawa. Finding a seat for 2, you tug Kenma towards the back row and settled on the plush seats. Kenma squeezes your hand and places it on his lap. His head snuggled on your shoulders as you rub circles on the back of his palm. "Y/N." Kenma whispered as you hummed, the comfort of the quiet bus, only the sound of other vehicles zipping by engulfed you. "I want you to know, my life, it's not all games, I have you and I'm happier because of that." Kenma spoke quietly and you knew how whipped you were for this guy. His simple acts of holding your hand, gripping your shirt when someone was flirty with you and whispers of affection was enough reason for you to stay with him, even when times were rocky. "I love you Y/N." Kenma whispered once more and finally drifted into a nap. He must've been exhausted playing all those games just for tickets. You placed a soft kiss on his head and smiled, whispering an 'I love you' back to the boy who owned your heart. You were lucky to have Kenma, and you knew he felt the same way. --The End--

[fantasyoverreality98]

Fight the Darkness

Masterlist

Pairing: Gaius x MC

Author’s Note: Yes, I have written another fanfic about Gaius x MC. I can actually see potential for this one to have more than one part though so maybe I’ll write a continuation in the future, we’ll have to see. There is some sexually suggestive content in this one so just keep that in mind when reading. Anyway, I think I should take a break from obsessively writing fanfic and do something else for a bit. As always, sorry for any potential grammatical or spelling mistakes.

Word Count: 3,333

---------------

Gaius Augustine was a murderer. He was her murderer. And she had never wanted anyone more in her life.

“Amy, where did you go? Call us back, please. We’ve been looking everywhere for you.” She ignored the message from Adrian, deleting it immediately after listening.

The town was small, the chances of him being here were extremely slim, and yet she just knew. Somewhere, probably in some desolate manor, the object of her obsession was lingering.

She felt him more than heard him. Smirking, Amy continued to walk down the empty path, into the trees. The sword on her back served as a comfort. No matter what strange creatures may lurk inside the forest, she could fight them off. Years of training had prepared her for whatever might come.

A branch snapped off to her right, and Amy whirled around, drawing her weapon. She laughed to herself when a rabbit ran out from the shadows. Momentarily relieved, her guard dropped.

That was when he decided to strike.

“Took you long enough.” She spoke with a breathy voice, staring up at the hooded figure. “I was beginning to think I might have to resort to more extreme measures to draw you out.”

“How did you find me?” Gaius kept her wrists pinned against the tree beside her head, his face inches from hers. The hood kept most of his features shrouded in shadows, but he looked just as he had twenty-five years earlier.

Amy leaned into him, her chest brushing against his as she breathed heavily. “It’s a secret.”

He stared into her eyes a moment longer before letting go, taking a step back. “Do your friends know you’re here?”

She rolled her eyes, pushing off the tree. “No. I left without saying anything.”

Gaius looked as if he couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. He pulled his hood back, looking exactly as he had a quarter of a century earlier. “What are you doing here?”

“Always with the questions.” Amy took a step toward him, trying not to grin when she saw that he looked flustered. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m here for you.”

“Amy—”

She held up a hand, and he stopped speaking. “Why is it that I haven’t heard from you at all since you left? You’re a hard man to find, Gaius Augustine.”

He studied her with interest, desire shining in his eyes. So, she wasn’t the only one who had never forgotten those moments on the boat. “I didn’t want to be found. I’ve been moving around over the decades.”

“Well, I found you. It took me a while, but I did it. Good luck getting rid of me now.” She broke out in a grin, and, to her surprise, he laughed.

“Now, why would I want to be rid of you?” Gaius looked as though he was about to reach out for her, but he hesitated, letting his arms drop back to his sides. “We should get out of here. Something evil lurks in these woods.”

Amy couldn’t resist answering, trying her best to maintain a serious expression. “Is that something evil you?”

Gaius scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I am the least of your worries.”

The temptation to continue teasing him was overpowering. After twenty-five years, she felt an uncontrollable urge to torment him with her bad jokes. “Tell that to the mortal Amy that you ran through with Jax’s sword.”

It took a minute for him to answer. “Do you plan to spend all night reminding me of all my evil deeds?”

“Maybe not all night. I did come here for another reason.”

With a long sigh, he turned away and started to walk back toward the town. They’d been walking for a few minutes before he finally spoke again. “How is it that you have managed to stay just as insufferable as you were twenty-five years ago?”

Amy shrugged, her face starting to hurt from smiling so much. Teasing him was just too much fun. Sure, she could tease all of her friends back home, but the sort of ammunition she had for Gaius beat any joking insults she could ever throw at them. The amount of murder jokes she could make was insane.

God was she ever fucked up.

“So, how’s your redemption been going?” Amy wanted to fill in the silence, the idea of them walking without saying a word too serious. She genuinely wanted to know what he’d been up to.

Gaius stared at the road ahead, frowning as he considered the question. “I guess you can say I’ve done a few more good deeds. I’ve been trying my best.”

They ended up walking to an abandoned house on the edge of the town. It wasn’t a manor, but it was close enough. Amy bit her lip to hold back a laugh. The man sure did like to live up to the dramatic.

“Nice place you’ve got here.” She bit her lip harder when he glared at her.

“Are you coming, or are you going to stand out here making horrible jokes all night?” Gaius looked like he regretted bringing her back to his house. If it could even be considered a house. It was more like a ruin.

Amy followed him inside, taking in the decaying structure. Her nose wrinkled when she studied what looked like a petrified animal corpse. “This place is absolutely disgusting. Not exactly the romantic or sexy reunion I was hoping for.”

“We had sex in a tiny room on a boat. I have trouble believing you would be opposed to this place. Your standards don’t seem very high.”

“Hey!”

Gaius didn’t look at her, but she could see him fighting back a smile. He started to chew on his bottom lip, turning his face away from her. She watched him attempt to clean, a smirk tugging at his lips.

“Fine, I guess I deserved that.” Amy sat down in a chair. It immediately broke under her weight. Scowling, she struggled to her feet, brushing the dust off her clothes. “Did you really have to pick the setting of The Haunting of Hill House for your temporary home?”

He still didn’t look at her. “Is that a film? None of your references make sense to me.”

“Forget it.” The problem with hanging around a three-thousand-year-old vampire was that they never understood pop culture references. For the first time since finding Gaius, Amy missed Lily.

Lily. Her best friend who was probably going insane trying to find her. They had barely spent any time apart since defeating Rheya. Amy would have to send a postcard one day, just to let everyone know she was okay.

The silence inside the house made the situation more awkward. Both of them knew, though neither of them had said it, that Amy had come here because she wanted Gaius. And not in a friend kind of way.

“So, do anything badass lately?” Amy couldn’t get any lamer if she tried.

Gaius stared blankly at her. He blinked, looking like he just might answer, before he shook his head and went back to ‘cleaning.’

Wind howled outside. A storm was on its way. The sky had been full of dark clouds when they were walking back to the house, the air chillier than it had been when she’d first arrived right after sunset. It was probably past midnight now.

“Why are you really here?” Gaius finally stopped pretending to clean and looked up at her, throwing a broken chair leg over his shoulder. Something else fell from the projectile, the sound of shattering glass filling the room. “You can make all the murder and sex jokes you want, but I think we both know that you came here for a reason.”

Amy crossed her arms over her chest, pacing the length of the room as she searched for an answer. It had been stupid to think he wouldn’t question her. No normal person traveled around the world searching for someone they should do their best to stay far away from. Just because she decided to give him a second chance didn’t mean that the two of them would remain close.

Rain started to fall on the house, the cracks in the roof allowing water to drip down onto them. Amy ignored the ice-cold raindrops that fell on her, sliding down her spine. “You know why I searched for you.” The vagueness of her answer would no doubt irritate him.

“That does not answer my question, Amy.”

The storm outside seemed to slow for a moment. Her eyes flickered over to Gaius, who was standing near a crumbling fireplace. Finally, when she figured she could only put off answering for so long, she turned to face him. “Because I have feelings for you. What else do you want me to say? And don’t lecture me again on how it’s wrong because I know. I know.”

Gaius didn’t answer her. He stayed beside the fireplace, watching her without a word. Amy wasn’t sure whether she should feel relieved that he didn’t react to her outburst, or if she should worry that it meant he didn’t feel the same way. The worry slowly turned in annoyance, then anger.

“Can you just say something!” Her voice boomed, the sound startling both of them. Swearing under her breath, Amy closed her eyes, digging the heels of her palms into them, trying to block out the sensation of darkness that had started to sweep over her.

Hands grabbed her wrists, gently pulling her hands away from her face. She waited until the feeling had passed before opening her eyes to look at Gaius. His eyes were wide, his mouth hanging open. The last time she had seen him look so terrified was when she’d broken Rheya’s control over him.

“I thought Rheya’s powers were gone,” said Gaius, looking as though he feared she might snap again. “Didn’t they disappear in the opera house?”

Amy was breathing heavily, trying to shove the darkness back down. “That’s what I thought too. But then one day, about a year later, I got so angry that—” She shook her head, trembling at the memory. If Adrian hadn’t been there to talk to her, she had no idea what might’ve happened.

Whatever darkness that had possessed her inside the opera house when she drained Rheya’s powers hadn’t disappeared forever. For a short time, she had believed it, thought that life would return to a relatively normal state, but it seemed outside forces had other plans. The temptation, the possibility that she might be able to bring Jax back still haunted her. It followed her everywhere she went, a voice that was not her own whispering deep inside that she could do it. All she had to do was embrace the darkness.

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me. I get it.” Gaius was standing so close to her that his breath hit her face. He inhaled sharply, staring at her lips.

Desperate to both forget about what had just happened and satisfy the reason she had come here, she tilted her head back to brush her lips across his. He let go of her hands, pulling her closer. She sighed when he put his thumb under her chin and tilted her head further back, kissing her harder.

Thunder boomed somewhere in a distant field, the force of the sound shaking the walls of the decrepit house. The rain found its way inside, soaking their clothes. Lightning flashed outside, so bright that it flared behind Amy’s closed eyelids. Every touch felt more intense than it ever had before.

“Is there a bed in this place?” she mumbled, holding back a laugh when she felt Gaius frown against her lips. “Just curious.”

He shook his head, pulling her with him to the battered couch a few feet away. “Those beds have several inches of dust on them. And other unappealing things.”

“Couch it is, then.” Amy laughed when Gaius pulled away to look at her, running his fingers along her face. “Don’t look so surprised. You were the one who said I have low standards.”

Before he could retort, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back to her. He fumbled with her jacket, moving without complaint when she shifted to be on top. Amy’s chest heaved as she slipped the jacket off, pausing for a moment before she pulled her shirt over her head immediately after.

Gaius started to breathe heavier, his eyes drawn to the place where he had stabbed her so many years ago. The scar had mostly healed, but the skin was slightly discolored. It had always struck her as odd that a scar remained, but she guessed it was because the wound was from before she’d been Turned.

“You’re looking a little overdressed.” Her voice was lower than usual. It had been so long since she’d been with anyone. Years, she was sure.

Gaius smirked, letting her undress him as he lay beneath her. She ran her hands down his stomach once she’d got him out of his clothes, digging her fingers into his skin as she ground herself against him. He moaned, sitting up to kiss her.

The rain continued to beat against the house, the only sound in the room besides their heavy breathing and the occasional quiet moan. Amy pulled away long enough to slip her underwear off, her heart pounding harder than before when she straddled Gaius’ lap again.

They moved at a slow pace, his hands running up her back to unclasp her bra. She threw it on the floor, trying her best not to think about how filthy it was. The couch itself wasn’t any better. But she didn’t care.

“Amy—” Gaius spoke her name with a sigh, brushing his lips across her chest as she moved above him. He swore under his breath when she picked up her pace, his nails digging into her skin as he gripped her hips and helped her to move faster.

One of his hands made its way between her legs, and she bit her lip as she felt herself getting closer to finishing. His name slipped past her lips as a whisper, her forehead resting against his as her breathing grew ragged.

Amy took a trembling breath, moaning quietly, and stopped rocking her hips against him, the two of them sitting in silence once they’d finished. The pitter-patter of rain filled the house, the storm finally coming to an end.

“This was one of the reasons why I came here,” Amy said, a breathy laugh escaping her when Gaius rolled his eyes. He sat up and pulled her off of him, running his hands through his hair.

“You make it hard for me to focus.” He turned to look at her, not looking like he was too concerned about focusing. “Do you plan to stay long?”

She rested her head on his shoulder, grabbing his hand and lacing her fingers through his. “Who said I planned on leaving at all? You’re the reason I left New York.”

Gaius sighed, staring at the shattered window across the room. “The others will come looking for you. I doubt they would appreciate knowing I’m the reason you ran away.”

“Who says I care what the others think?” She stood from the couch and slowly got dressed, feeling him watch her the entire time. “They won’t ever understand the way I feel about you. I gave up thinking they would get it a long time ago. I wasn’t happy there. I belong here. With you.”

He stood and got dressed, turning to face her, the tension that was between them when she first arrived now gone. “I will never understand how you can even stand to look at me after everything I’ve done.”

“The conversation we had on that boat changed my perspective. I like the real you a whole lot better than the person you were under Rheya’s control.” She reached out to run her fingers across his face, and he leaned into her hand. “Plus, the whole having sex with you right after that kind of helped you win me over.”

Gaius laughed, his teeth gleaming in the dark room. “You are irresistible.”

Amy grabbed his shirt and tugged him closer. “I thought I was insufferable.”

“One can be both irresistible and insufferable.” He cut off her response with his lips, dragging her back to the couch. A puff of dust shot out from the cushions when they dropped down, and Amy coughed, making a mental note to find them a more suitable place to stay the next night.

Eventually, the rain stopped, the world outside growing quiet. Amy struggled to keep her eyes open, wanting to enjoy every second she could with Gaius after twenty-five years apart.

“How are you feeling now?” His question startled her. She had thought he might have fallen asleep.

With a shrug, she continued to trace random shapes on his chest. “Okay. The darkness went away, if that’s what you’re really asking.”

Gaius shifted, and she lifted her head to look him in the eyes. “Does that happen often?”

“What? The whole earth trembling, voice booming thing?” She could see that he didn’t appreciate her attempt at making another joke. Amy sighed, rolling onto her stomach to look at him properly. “No. It only happens when I can’t control my emotions. The last time it happened, I was thinking about Jax again.” A figure jumping in front of her to prevent Rheya from turning her Feral flashed in her mind and she closed her eyes, trying to rein in the pain.

“Do you—” Gaius gulped, the fear in his tone not going unnoticed. “Do you think you could ever get as bad as you did in the opera house again?”

Amy didn’t have an answer to that question. The thought of ever returning to that state of mind terrified her. In that moment, she had felt truly unstoppable. A lust for power had overwhelmed her. If that ever happened again, she wasn’t so sure she would be able to resist it a second time around.

For over two decades, the thought of what if had haunted her. Almost as much as she missed Gaius, she missed the feeling of invincibility that Rheya’s power had given her. To bring Jax back, to help her friends in whatever way she could…power like that was irreplaceable. It was tempting beyond belief.

“How long are we staying here?” Amy forced a smile, a hint of hunger starting to creep in. She couldn’t be completely certain if it had anything to do with thinking about her hidden powers.

Gaius watched her, curiosity shining in his eyes. “I move every few weeks. I planned to leave in a few days.”

“Great,” she answered, putting her head back on his chest, shutting her eyes before the conversation about Rheya’s power could continue.

Twenty-five years ago, Amy had absorbed the power of the First Vampire. For a fleeting moment, she had felt the fate of the world placed in her hands. Then, mere minutes later, she had made the decision to choose love. The love of her friends had overpowered the hunger for power. And she had been content. Most of the past twenty-five years had passed without incident.

But Amy could feel a darkness gathering deep inside of her. It came in flashes, brief moments where she lost control and her voice shook walls. The endless possibility still flowed through her veins. One day, she feared it might burst. Darkness could only be contained for so long before it enveloped everything in its path.

Ignoring the claws that seemed to dig themselves further into her heart, Amy closed her eyes, reminding herself that she was with Gaius now. The years of pain were over. She would overcome this thirst for power in no time. It was nothing. She would be fine.

Just fine.