#YEARS LONG PINING. WHAT AM I? GAY?

[ayatoscupid]

thought abt wearing some of tsuzu’s clothes to wear n sleep in adn combustedhejfbejfh@;:£:& aaaaaaaaaaa. good lord. his clothes wld be so warm n smell so cozy n homely *refuses to believe they smell like energy drinks* Bye. bye. bye (whacks him w a pillow)

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - We Are Surprised

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

May 2024 Wk 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Godday (Sat YT) ep 2 of 12 - Oh it’s fucking great. It could all go horribly south, of course. But it’s awesome at the moment. Messy gay and one of them is already pining? Got to love it. Including the negotiation.

I’d love a good sex negotiation, it’s almost as good as linguistic negotiation. This show makes me happy. All that said, it’s moving awfully quickly for a 12 episode run. Not sure what’s gonna happen on the backend. 

My Stand-In (Thai Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 eps - I’m still enjoying it but I’m ready for him to die again now. 

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 5-6 of 16 - Toey is going after the Namgoong Award for Best Wingman this year, I see. And in exchange, literally all the rest of the friends are going to be his wingmen. It’s adorable. I also like that Phuwin got to be the aggressor for the first kiss. I like that this is mostly just boys flirting, and not really any prescribed seme/uke stuff. In general, I think these last two episodes I improved the show in my regard a lot. But then middles are always GMMTV's strong point, it’s whether they can stick the landing that’s an issue.

Two Worlds (Thurs iQIYI) ep 9 of 10 - Apparently we have the Frodo walking into Mordor episode. Also the sides were cute. In Thailand (like Taiwan) all gangsters are gay, apparently. 

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 5 of 12 - It’s cute but very cringe and dorky. Silly singing. Terrible pickup lines. Still, that was a ridiculously charming confession.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues YouTube & Viki) ep 12fin - Oh so good. Very few shows that feature one-sided long-term pining of this kind can resolve the unevenness of that power dynamic into a more stable and equal footing with such class. We really got to see the object of the desire turn completely around and become equally besotted. An age gap, stepbrothers trope like this one is hard enough but at this length? Very well acted boys! Unknown managed to show the older brother softening in a believable way that’s pretty unusual in narratives of this type.

All in all?

Unknown is a wonderful BL with a pitch perfect portrayal of long term pining, age gap, and the stepbrothers trope. The acting and chemistry are ON POINT (especially from the leads) which made the resulting characters very believable. When it dwells in intimate family drama, it's stunning. It's slightly less successful when it leaves the home and goes gritty. It's few flaws are the result of curtailed length. It could have used more breathing room to deal with side plots, characters, and companion character development. The editing was occasionally choppy and packed with flashbacks that broke the emotional tension. Still, those are mere quibbles. This is an excellent show that I know I'm going to be recommending a lot. 9/10

Finally Taiwan hits another one out of the park.

About.

Damn.

Time.

Blue Boys (Korea Sat YouTube) 4 of ? - Oh it’s so good, and they are so tortured and it’s just charming and I can’t EVEN. I just love it. I love that Korea is giving us this right now. You’re an idiot if you’re not watching this show, it’s truly spectacular.

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Well well well Japan. I see how you kneed. I enjoyed this episode better than the first two, and I am way into our Bad Boy second lead. I can already feel myself succumbing  to the syndrome. Next week = the obligatory onsen ep! 

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - Omg most adorbs failed linguistic negotiation. 

Boys Be Brave AKA Roommates (Korea Thurs Viki) ep 5-6 of 8 - I love the side couple. It’s a shame we’re finally getting some truly great class conflict and it’s relegated to crumbs.

Love is like a Cat (Korea Mon Viki) eps 11-12fin - Well that was a waste of time. There was no connection (of any kind) between the leads. The language thing was hella weird and likely added to that. The past history of the Korean character was necessary to know from the start, its lack throughout, meant there was no depth to his character. They tried to tackle all the interesting stuff in the final 2 eps. AND they even killed the dog. I never thought I'd type this sentance, but Peach of Time is better.

I don’t know. 5/10 I guess

All in all:

A disappointing lackluster and barely cohesive BL about a jerk Thai actor (speaking Thai) who has to work for a Korean animal rescue cafe as a publicity stunt. It's difficult to believe the leads like each other, let alone fall in love. The acting is stiff, the characters lack motivation and cohesion, and there's not much to recommend this show beyond some pretty visuals. Also, they kill the dog. All in all, a disappointing and unsuccessful joint venture that mostly highlighted that between Thailand and Korea the style of BL, narrative approach, language cadence, and acting techniques all clash.

It's airing but...

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

You Made My Day (Thai YT) ep 1 of 5 - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard.

A Balloon's Landing (Taiwan movie) trailer - A frustrated Hong Kong writer, Tian Yu, meets a Taipei street gangster, Xiang (Fandy Fan from HIStory2: Crossing the Line), and the two of them embark on a journey to find the Bay of Vanishing Whales. Along the way, they discover unexpected twists and turns and close bonds, which brings out the message that "there is always someone like you in this world who is waiting for you. This released to cinemas in Taiwan, no word on international release.

Memory in the Letter (Thai WeTV) - it's done, tell me if I should bother?

Fan's Only Corner

Someone asked in a comment (which tumblr promptly ate) about group sleepovers in BLs. It's happened a few times but the only one I can recall being noted and particularly lovely (and VERY college) was in Nitiman. There's also one in Lovesick.

Next Week Looks Like This:

5/16 Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 1 of 6 - Strongberry doing classic uni BL! Weeee!

5/19 OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ????) ep 1 of 10 - LeeFrank are back - not unlike the undead (as it were). But how do we feel about it? Unsure given their track record.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

May Releases

VBL (Taiwan) is releasing 4 'Special Episode' epilogues to their 4 2023 shows every Friday this month on Gagaoolala, Viki & Viu. Not sure on search terms or how to find these. (Or, frankly, if we need them.)

5/10 – You Are Mine

5/17 – VIP Only

5/24 – Stay By My Side

5/31 – Anti Reset

5/25 The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer - HoTae & DongHee are back but unfortunately not in a cinema near me. Side couple from Unintentional Love Story, same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS.

5/28 My Biker 2 (Thai movie YT?) - trailer

5/31 The Time of Huannan (Taiwan movie) - May not be BL

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

LOVE a smile kiss. Love it. Two killer kisses from PondPhuwin. Elegantly done, boys. Thank you very much.

I love them a lot all of a sudden. (All We Are)

It's hard to give MaxTul a run on their crown as best bodies in BL, but boy these two are giving it their, erm, best. (Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

[lemon-russ]

sorry, I was going to write the Russ fic from the poll but I am being actively haunted by the gay lady Custodian. She must be freed.

Thank you @squishyowl for the divider :)

Emperor's Saint (Pt. 2)

Pt. 1 || Pt. 3

Fem!Custodes x Fem!Reader

CW: GAY, SUPER SAPPHIC GAY

Summary: Diplomat does her job, more gay pining.

Word count: 2,188

You managed to at least get into your slip before Hera returned from her prompt 6 and a half minute walk. After you finish dressing proper in your fine diplomatic gowns, you show Hera your dress with a turn.

“Am I good?” You ask, mostly to make sure you dont have anything amiss or stuck.

She smiles down at you, eyes dragging up and down your body in a way that makes you blush a little.

“Very good.” She agrees after an eyebrow rasing-ly long assessment of your person. She smiles and picks up her spear, then holds the door for you with a playful bow.

“After you, my Lady.” She says sweetly, and you try to shake off the thoughts popping in your mind about the way she's looking at you as you leave.

She draws a lot of attention from the townsfolk, even with her helmet off to reduce her height and flamboyantness, she still was massive and in shining gold armor. She ignores the stares though, checking the area now and then and sometimes walking ahead if you to check allyways before you pass them and the like.

All is done with practice, like it's muscle memory for her. You frown as you have a thought.

“Heraclast, how many charges have you watched over?” You ask. Something bothers you about the thought of her being this close and protective of someone else. Well, not something. You're jealous. But that's a silly thing to be, her whole job is to guard people.

She smiles, falling in step behind you. “You're my third.” She says.

You raise your brow. “I thought it would be more than that.”

She gives a small shrug. “Aquillian sheilds aren't needed very often, and I'm not the only one. Most of the time we're just at the palace, or nowadays out on missions. But we go years without a charge.” She says casually, stepping protectively closer and staring down a man walking by who got a little close to your path for her liking.

You knit your brow as you watch the man nervously beeline to the other side of the road, then look up at her. “So, what happened to your other charges?” You ask.

“They finished what I was sent for them to do. So I left.” She replied, putting a hand on your shoulder to guide you out of the path of a cart. “Please watch your feet and not me, my Lady.” She says with a smirk.

You blush and look back at where you're walking, trying not to get captivated by her face again.

“So, when I do… whatever it is you wont say, you'll go?” You ask, glancing up at her.

She nods. “Though it's not up to me, you know. I don't know what you're meant to do either until you do it and the scriers tell me you're all set.” She says.

You frown a bit, and try to cover it, but are too slow. She laughs gently.

“Was that a pout, my Lady?” She says, grinning as you blush. “Don't worry, sometimes it takes years before I'm called back.” She says warmly.

That was not reassuring. Years. Years of not sleeping alone, not bathing or changing alone, years of constant companionship of the 9 foot tall warrior goddess.

You blush more. On one hand, you don't know if you can survive the embarrassment if you're so flustered after one day.

On the other hand… you steal another glance up at her. From this angle you mostly see her strong jaw, her eyelashes, the quirk of her lips as she passively smiles. Your heartbeat picks up a bit and you tear your eyes away, focusing on the road very hard. Years. Years of this.

Pull yourself together, you chide yourself. You can't become a gay disaster after a single day of being in the proximity of an attractive woman. This is sad even for your standards. You take a deep breath and focus on diplomatic thoughts.

You're here to work out a supply route with the local government. They have precious metals the Imperium needs. It's all very standard fare, and you wonder how you could end up doing something so important the scryers on Terra felt the need to send you a bodyguard to make sure it gets done.

In your thoughts, you trip a little over the cobbled road. Before you even register you've tripped, Hera has you, holding you under your arms again as she places you on your feet.

“Careful there my Lady, these roads are not well paved.” She says, frowning a bit. “I thought you were watching your feet too, and you're flushed again. Are you sure you're well?” She says, bending a bit to look you over.

You sigh. “Yes, just, um, embarrassed I tripped.” You squeak out.

She raised a brow, then nods. “Ohhh, right, blushing. You're not sick, you've just been blushing.” She says like she solved a puzzle, standing upright again and looking pleased with herself. “None of my other charges did that. I'll learn though.” She says as you start walking again.

“No seeing you nude, no watching you sleep, and if your face is all red you're just embarrassed.” She says with a smile, nodding to herself.

You frown and blush harder. “Hera, surely these aren't foreign ideas to you?” You say as you rub a warm cheek with your palm.

She smiles and tilts her head at you. “Well, my other charges didn't care about that stuff. They changed in front of me and stuff, and didn't get all red like that.” She says offhandly.

You raise a brow, then realize what you're missing. “Were your other charges women?” You ask, knitting your brow.

She nods, smiling. “They were. But they said oh it's fine, we're all ladies, you can see me bathe.” She said with a shrug. “I assumed that meant the same for you. I'm learning you're peculiarities though.” She said with a grin before turning her attention back to watching for danger.

Oh by the throne. Her other charges probably didn't like women. You rub your face in both your hands. You actually forgot that some women don't like other women. You let out a long sigh.

“Yeah, I uh, guess I'm a little shy…” you mumble, trying to cover the tracks you've accidentally left leading straight to a giant sign that says “I THINK YOU'RE SO HOT MY BRAIN IS MELTING”. Hopefully she doesn't start putting all the pieces together herself.

She smiles, stepping forward to open the door for you as you reach the meeting building. “I'm getting that about you. I may be out of practice, but I'm not that clueless about mortal emotions.” She chuckles. By the Emperor you hope that's not true.

She puts a gentle hand on your shoulder, urging you to wait while she scouts out the building quickly. You wonder if you can ask her to touch you less, every time she does your brain shorts a little, but dismiss the thought. If she touched you less… well. She'd be touching you less.

She returns to your side and gestures you forward, satisfied it is safe, and leads you to the large meeting hall. She opens the door for you again, and as you walk in the head of trade smiles politely at you, then his face goes a little pale as Heraclast follows you in.

“Ah- good to see you again, my Lady…” the elderly man says, eyes glued on Hera. She nods, puts on her helmet, and goes to stand at the side of the room on guard.

You smile at him nervously. “Oh, don't mind her. She's a bodyguard. The Imperium… insisted I have one all the time now, so it's not personal.” You lie. Easier than explaining scriers saw your future and deemed you important to Terra.

The man nods, still looking unsure, but moves on. You've worked with this man before, and quickly come to an agreement on trade routes and outputs from the planet. You smile and go to shake his hand, and Hera is next to you in an instant, gently moving your hand away.

The man frowns, confused and intimidated by her speed.

“Apologies my Lady, but please do not shake hands. Could be hidden weapons or poisons.” She says, gently moving you backwards from the table by the shoulders.

The man raises his brow and you fluster a bit, “oh- she doesn't mean you- I'm sorry, shes just very protective-” you say, trying to smooth over any offense.

He frowns but nods a bit, looking up at Hera. “Um, well then, a… signature, should do, then…” he says, signing a paper and pushing it over.

You sigh and sign it, and say your goodbyes as you leave with your papers.

You look up at Heraclast with a tight expression. “Please don't do that, you could get me in a lot of trouble.” You tell her.

She frowns. “You cannot get in trouble, I am here to protect you.”

You sigh. “Not- not physically, diplomatically. What you did could be really offensive.” You say with a pleading voice.

She frowns harder. “Ah. Apologies my Lady, but I cannot comprise your safety for manners. Though you are the first diplomatic person I've guarded, so, I shall try and be more clear.”

You rub your temple. “Ok, I'll just… tell them upfront I cant touch for safety concerns, I guess…” you grumble.

She looks conflicted. “You are upset.” She states.

You look up at her, but your frown falters when you meet her eyes. She looks upset, and it makes your heart skip a beat. “Ah- no, it's okay” you say, reaching out and patting her large armored arm. “I'll just warn them, I'm not upset with you.”

She looks unsure, but gives a small nod. “Alright. I'll try to be more… diplomatic about things. But I cannot risk your safety.”

You sigh, nodding. “Alright then.” You say as you make your way back.

She looks at the sun a moment. “It is past 6 hours from your last meal.” She states. You look up at her confused.

She looks down, pursing her lips. “You require a meal every y hours in the daytime.” She says.

“I mean, I guess? I never counted…” you reply, but she is already urging you- which is actually just gently pushing your back- towards a food stall you were walking past.

“Hera, I'm fine, I can eat back at the lodgings-” you protest, but she's already speaking to the vendor.

She drops a pile of currency you had brought with, and thankfully the vendor gives her back most of it, and she returns to you with some sort of pastry, smiling.

You smile and chuckle, reaching for it when she frowns and pulls it away. “Wait- I must taste it for poison.” She says, chomping it.

You sigh. “How would it be poisoned? We didn't plan to stop here, no one could plan that far ahead on a chance.” You say tiredly.

She swallows, then smiles and hands you the bitten bun. “You'd be surprised, my Lady. I've seen murder plots that were set years in advance that subliminally urged people to make seemingly random choices.”

You pout. “…this seems like you just wanted a bite of my food.”

She laughs sweetly, and the sound makes you smile and giggles under your breath.

“You're amusing. I will say you are my most entertaining charge yet.” She chuckles, moving you to a bench nearby. You chuckle too, and bite into the unbitten part of the bun. It's surprisingly tasty, and hopefully not made of anything that causes digestive distress to people from other planets.

She scoots closer to you, so her thigh touches yours, and you nearly choke, coughing as you try to swallow properly. She startles a little and pats your back.

“My Lady-?” She asks urgently, and you wave her off as you catch your breath.

She frowns, studying your face. “Ah.” She says, smiling. “Your face is red again! You are merely embarrassed.” She chuckles. Then scrunches her brow. “I did not do anything but get closer to you for safety though. What has you blushing?” She asks as you gulp down the rest of your bite.

“Um-” you squeak. “It's- It's nothing.” You mumble, rubbing your face.

She frowns. “Hm. That is fine, I will decode you eventually, my Lady.” She says with a sweet smile. “I have excellent pattern recognition, I'm sure in the next month I'll figure you out.” She says happily.

You groan into your hands. Months. Years. You're doomed.

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Gay wrongs tournament, round one of the major bracket

Propaganda:

For Nandor and Guillermo:

I feel like accessory to murder and cause of the murder counts, right? 

Classic vampire/human who wants to be a vampire except there's an understanding in the show of how messed up that is, down to Guillermo helping chop up the bodies of Nandor's victims to hide them for him. Then there's the added wrinkle of Guillermo finding out he's a vampire hunter by blood and actually very good at killing vampires. There is more than one incredibly erotically charged scene with Guillermo holding a stake to Nandor's chest. Their dynamic is fantastically complex, from Guillermo starting as Nandor's somewhat disgruntled servant to him besting the vampire in combat and becoming his bodyguard, to Guillermo getting tired of waiting and getting another vampire to turn him leading to a long jealousy arc culminating in Nandor nearly killing him... there's just so much going on with these two. Nandor flew to space just to impress Guillermo. They do a number of heinous things to humans and vampires alike, but through it all they are so in love and so rich with pining. One of these days they'll kiss, I'm sure of it. It's just a monumental slow burn with many vampiric atrocities along the way.

They aren't romantically canon yet, but dear lord. Both are canon queer, Guillermo is specifically gay while nandor is mentioned to be pansexual in interviews. Yeah they are everything and nothing. They fought and can kill eachother but they literally can't do it emotionally. Also forbidden love trope, vampire x vampire slayer /familiar/ body gaurd / best man. They make me unwell.

For John and Jack:

So, they both are literal murders. One of them is a little bit more insane than the other. Okay, the little bit part is not right, totally insane that is John, yes. But gonna love him though. He had been in rehab for alcohol, drugs, sex and murder. Don't kiss him, he might be wearing poisoning lipstick. They are canon mlm. They had been stuck in a two week time loop for five years, which was like leading a married life for them. They didn't actually marry, but they were partners, both in business and sexually. They worked together for an time agency. Then Jack's memories of two years were erased and he left. He went into  independent self deployment, doing scams using his knowledge of future events. After that he build an alien hunting institute in Cardiff, Wales. When John and Jack see eachother again after years, you don't know whether they will they kiss or fight. They do both. Did I tell you that along this story Jack became an inmortal who can't stay dead? No matter how or how often he dies or is killed, he keeps coming back to life. This is all very scraping on the surface, but oh boy, would it be at least a novella to describe them.

They worked together in the Time Agency where they did horrible things to the extent where Jack had two years of his memory stolen so that he couldn’t know what he’d done. They were also in a time loop together for five years where they canonically thought of each other as the wife (John was a good wife :3), and were basically married. Then they had a divorce arc and they both separately went rogue from the Agency to become conmen, although they still worked together/clashed on occasions, always still with that spark of passion. “Frenemies with benefits” Jack called them once, although John preferred “my lover, my rival, my nemesis and destiny. And bane of my bloody life.” Canon finds us where Jack has tried to reform and be a better person, but John is still chasing cons, and all he wants to do is bring Jack back to the stars with him, back to the crime and the glitter of the galaxies (it doesn’t work and he shoves Jack off a building but Jack got himself immortal so he’s fine <3) anyway I am very normal about them xoxo

In John's introduction to the series he shows up on a roof where some guy is mugging someone, grabs him by the throat and dangles him over the edge of the building while this guy begs for his life before dropping him just because he felt like it. When John and Jack interact for the first time in the show there's a super cool guitar riff, very evil western vibes, they walk up to each other, look deeply into each other's eyes, make out, then start throwing punches to Blur's Song 2. In one of the audio dramas we're told about various times where these two conned people, stole a bunch of money and gold and gems and stuff, then had sex with whoever it is they conned before (sometimes) killing them. When Jack devided he was done and left John to die John escaped and married the queen of England (Victoria) then locked Jack up somewhere to take his life force and live forever, destroying the timeline in the process. John has tried to kill all of Jack's friends at least twice to have him all to himself. He found Jack's long lost brother and when the brother turned out to be a terrible person with a vendetta against Jack John did everything he could to save Jack. Their relationship is canon but very one-sided most of the time

just this video

[paracosmic-murdock]

i still got love for you

part six: because i am with you

pairing: francesca bridgerton x fem!reader

summary: leaving for bath out of the sudden was the hardest thing you had had to do, not particularly because you had left your parents and home behind, but because your friendship with francesca bridgerton was ripped away from you a sudden summer morning.

five years later, francesca arrived in bath for the season to practice pianoforte with her aunt winnie, and finally, you see her again after thinking you had forever lost her. how much you wanted for your love to live and beat still, how much you wanted for francesca to say so.

warnings/tags: sapphic francesca bridgerton, childhood friends to lovers, mutual pining, am i gay quiz but make it nineteenth century somehow, inspired by an emily dickinson intimate letter to susan hunington dickinson, song: seven (taylor swift)

word count: 2.5K

❁ part one | part two | part three | part four | part five

❁ mila's anthology (main masterlist)

“I move on wings now, on wings as white as snow, and as bright as the summer sunshine—because I am with you.” (Excerpt from Open me carefully: Emily Dickinson's intimate letters to Susan Hunington Dickinson by Emily Dickinson)

“Frannie?”

She looked up at Charles.

“It will be alright,” he murmured, leaning closer to take her hand in his. “I promise.”

Francesca nodded, sighing nervously. “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

They were silent, but not for long as you appeared finally. A light layer of sweat gave away your rush.

“My apologies for the delay!” you exclaimed as you sat beside Francesca, sighing tiredly. You spoke, but not before giving her a sweet, swift kiss on the lips. She blushed. “I could not find my fortune necklace.”

“Fortune necklace?” Charles questioned, grinning at your actions.

“We are about to tell Francesca's family that we love each other. All the fortune to come is greatly appreciated.”

“You keep scaring me.”

You pursed your lips. “Don't you mind me, my darling.”

“It is for the best if you don't. Ever.” Your brother smirked.

“Oh, hush you.” You rolled your eyes and he laughed.

Francesca smiled lightly and touched your hand. “Care to grace me with your attention?”

“For you, my darling, forevermore.” you replied, looking at her attentively. She blushed and looked down, and then beside her. In her hand, there was a white rose destined to you.

You grinned happily. “It is certainly beautiful. I adore it.”

“I would appreciate it if you stopped acting like a newlywed, loving couple. Public displays of affection discomfort me.”

“Apologies.” Francesca suppressed an amused smile.

“I do not regret a thing,” You shrugged. “Go find yourself a love match and leave me with mine.”

Charles scoffed. “Lord save me from the two of you.”

“Bridgerton!”

“Lord Chadwick!” the Viscount exclaimed. “It has been a while, has it not?”

You rolled your eyes, leaning closer to Francesca until you could whisper without anybody else hearing. “They should marry each other instead.”

She chuckled lightly. “He has not noticed us. Not even his own sister, can you believe it?”

“I fear I believe it firmly.”

Soon enough, your brother and Francesca's ended their conversation, and their attention shifted to you and her. Anthony kissed his sister's forehead and then went to you with a wide smile.

“Miss Devereaux, what a blessing to see you after so long.”

You laughed. “Lord Bridgerton, how much you flatter me.”

He shook his head while he laughed and hugged you. “Welcome.”

“Thank you,” you replied. “I must say I am grateful for your fiancée and all the work she has done with fixing that attitude of yours.”

Anthony rolled his eyes. “Come in, the family is eager to see you finally.”

Soon, you were all in the drawing room chatting about anything and everything.

Every once in a while, you and Francesca locked eyes, silently asking the other when to speak. However, you didn't do it. Not during lunch nor during dinner… you just didn't. Instead, you sneaked out of your room and went to Francesca's when everyone was fast asleep.

“What should we do?”

“I just do not want to say it when it is my brother's wedding so soon. We cannot steal the attention.”

You nodded, snuggling closer to her and holding her close to you under the bedsheets. “You are right. I believe we should tell them after Anthony and Miss Sharma leave for their honeymoon. Perhaps, we could tell Anthony only so he knows. You know, before he leaves.”

“We could, yes,” she agreed. “Although, I am scared.”

“I think they will understand,” you said. “They are great, and they love you truly and unconditionally. Whoever you love will not change that.”

“I cannot help but fear a negative answer.”

“We will always have each other either way, alright?” you promised. “Always.”

She smiled weakly. “We can move to your family's beach house.”

“Of course we could,” you answered. “We could go wherever you wish… The Chadwick Seaside House is most wonderful! Bigger than the Devereaux Cottage that you used to love. My parents will not allow me or Charles to set foot there while they breathe, so we could make use of our late uncle's properties.”

“How is it?”

“Mmm… it is big and it looks like a smaller palace. It is full of art pieces and it has a beautiful library; we can see the sea from every balcony and it is on private land. My brother brought a magnificent piano from Germany so I could play there. You would love it.”

“We should live there.”

You kissed her lips. “Right?”

Francesca chuckled. “Yes.”

You nodded and kissed her again. She kissed you back, getting closer and closer until the only thing keeping you from the closeness you so much yearned for was the fabric of your chemises.

“Hmm… What do you want, my darling?” you asked with a smirk.

She blushed and you laughed. “We could, you know…”

“Yes, I know.” You smiled.

Then you kissed her again, gathering the soft fabric of her garments until the end of it was in your power. You put your hand underneath her chemise, tracing soft shapes on her skin. Francesca, however, wanted you more than ever tonight. She feared that it could even be your very last night together, so she must honor it.

“I love you.” she whispered, undoing the buttons of your sleeping garments.

You helped her finish taking it off. “I love you, too.”

Right that moment, with her driving her kisses from your lips to your neck, you knew you loved her more than anything. When her mouth went to your breasts, you thought you would do absolutely anything for her. When she took off her own chemise and offered herself to you, you were sure you would leave everything behind just for her.

“Are you mine?” she wondered.

“Every piece of mine is yours to make your own,” you replied between the kisses on her breasts. “Are you mine?”

She moaned softly. “Yours. Yours only.”

With a satisfied smile, you left her breast and kissed your way south. You put each of her legs above your shoulders and kissed the tender skin of her inner thighs. Francesca moaned loudly, but covered her mouth right away.

You hushed her, speaking in between soft kisses. “This is not Chadwick House at night, my darling. There are many a pair of ears who could listen and question.”

“Mhmm…” she conceded, already shaking in anticipation, her eyes begging you to tend to her. “Please…”

You did as she told you and enjoyed the heavenly taste of her.

“And when, pray tell, are you going to tell the family?!”

Before, you thought that the finest melody on Earth was that of a piano, or that the greatest delicacy were chocolate biscuits. However, now you know better: the sound of Francesca begging you was definitely far above any composition, any dessert. Neither Mozart nor the best cook of Chadwick House could do any better, even if they tried.

You frowned. “Brother, give us time!”

“It almost slipped in a conversation with Anthony last night! We have been here for three days and you have not done anything yet!”

“Charles…” Francesca sighed. “The right moment has not come up, but I assure you, we will tell the family as soon as-”

“Tell the family what?”

The three of you looked at each other, alarmed.

“Brother!” she exclaimed awkwardly. “You have frightened us.”

“Have I?” Anthony grinned.

“Yes, you have!” You nodded.

“Indeed.” Charles ‘confirmed’.

“Why is that? Am I really that unpleasant to the eye?”

Francesca shook her head. “No! We were just distracted and you caught us off guard.”

“Sister,” He frowned. “Why are you acting like this? You have been behaving strangely since you arrived. All three of you. What aren't you telling us, huh?”

Charles pursed his lips. “I am feeling not so w-”

“You stay,” Anthony commanded. “You three must tell me what is going on or else I will have no other choice but to sit down with Charles and you know how easy it is to get him to speak.”

“I want nothing to do with this, let that be clear.” your brother stated. You rolled your eyes.

“What is this?”

“Brother, I…”

“We have been meaning to tell you something, Anthony,” you spoke after seeing that Francesca had frozen at the possibility of talking about it herself. “And we would really appreciate it if you were… open-minded.”

He made a confused grin. “Open-minded?”

“Yes,” you confirmed, looking at Francesca and her nervous frame. “We hope for you and the family to support us, but you must know that the lack of a blessing would not change a thing.”

“You two are scaring me,” Anthony replied. “I will choose the safest path and ask you if you have planned not to debut, not find a husband and remain unmarried to death or something of the sorts?”

You and Francesca looked at each other and then at him again.

“Not quite.” she said.

“Dear God!” Charles complained. “Speak at once, the two of you have me going insane!”

“Fine! We love each other!” Francesca almost yelled, catching the three of you by surprise. Even yourself.

Anthony gasped, this being way further than what he expected as the craziest possibility.

He looked at your brother. “What?”

“Look at us,” you ordered and he did so. “We love each other. We always have, just… Only as we grow older is that we figure some things out. The motive of Charles and I's departure from Kent was that our parents found and read my diary entries and learnt that I loved your sister. Neither like a friend, nor as a sister: I have loved her like a young love match couple loves each other. I love her as a woman, that shan't change, not now nor ever, with or without your blessing… We love each other and-”

“And we will always be together. We do not need your blessing, nor will it change me and her, but it is very important for me to have it; you are my brother and we- I want nothing but your unconditional love and support as always.”

“Did you know about this?”

Your brother nodded. “I did, yes. For quite some time as well.”

“Well, this is…” Anthony exhaled and pursed his lips after. “I need some time to think about this.”

“Of course you do,” you looked up, knowing he was having the best possible reaction. “We understand.”

He nodded, but before leaving, he kissed Francesca's forehead. “You must know that, above all, you are my sister and I love you and support you unconditionally.”

Eventually, Anthony came around and told you and Francesca that it was alright. He did not know how to help, but he loved his sister and cared for her and for you, and whatever makes you two happy, that is great for him.

She almost cried then and there.

A thing you weren't expecting, though, was his idea: telling the family before he and Kate left for the honeymoon. Hence, there you were.

“As I told you before, there is an... announcement,” Anthony said. “It is something we might not be accustomed to, but you must know that whatever rejoice there is in our family, should be shared between us all. This will not be the exception and should be as welcomed as Kate and I's marriage.”

Lady Bridgerton frowned. “Anthony, what are you saying?”

“Mother,” Francesca interrupted. “It is us who are announcing something.”

The two of you looked around at the confusion of the family. Charles seemed to be more nervous than you and Francesca; and Kate, to whom you had confided the news before, gave you a calming smile.

“Us? As in…?”

“Us.” you replied, pointing at Francesca and then at yourself.

You breathed in and out, locking gazes with an expectant Daphne, who seemed to have realized the matter. Then, as you averted Daphne's look, your eyes caught Benedict's. As soon as he noticed your attention was on him, he slightly pointed at Francesca and then at you with his head, raising his eyebrows right after. You nodded swiftly, a motion so vague that only he was able to notice and decipher. As a response, Benedict smiled widely, making all the tension fall from your shoulders.

“We love each other.” Francesca finally announced.

“We do,” you confirmed, seeing how everyone had different reactions, none away from surprise or bafflement. “And we are happy. You do not have to accept it or understand it, we cannot expect you to do so, not when it is something so… rare, at that.”

“We would love to have your support, but I- we understand it is not an easy matter. On the contrary: it is most likely none of us has seen it or heard of it before.”

“We needed you to know.” you finished.

There was silence until Hyacinth stood up with a big smile brightening her face. “Does it mean Y/N would be our sister officially?”

“Yes, if you have me.” you answered truthfully.

The youngest Bridgerton ran to you and hugged you and Francesca. Despite being in Mayfair for two weeks only, you easily bonded with Hyacinth. She was quite similar to you in many ways, and, in many aspects, you saw yourself in her. When she bickered with Gregory or Benedict, it reminded you of you and Charles; when she sat beside you and talked about anything as if you had known each other your entire lives, it felt rather wholesome and heartwarming.

“I do!”

You and Francesca laughed until you saw her mother standing in front of you. She hushed Hyacinth, who left reluctantly after muttering ‘good luck’.

“I do not know what to say,” Lady Bridgerton curved her lips. “Other than… remark my love for the two of you. Y/N, you are like a daughter to me, and reuniting with you has filled my heart with joy. Not only that, but now you tell me that you will be one of us… I am delighted for the two of you. I trust you completely with my daughter's heart. It is true that this is something that requires adjustment and that is going to be difficult to defend, but I am willing to do what it takes to ensure the happiness of my two daughters. And, my dear Francesca, I do not want you to ever doubt the love of your family. Whatever you do, dearest, we will always love you and support you… through anything.”

“I love you, Mama.”

“As do I.” She took her daughter's hand and then yours.

“Thank you, my Lady.” you said.

“I am afraid you must call me mother from now on.”

You smiled.

Charles cleared his throat loudly to get the attention. “May I be adopted as well?”

Lady Bridgerton laughed warmly. “The more, the merrier.”

Francesca looked at you with a pleased smile. “As much as you will hate to admit it, your brother was right… Everything is going to be alright.”

“Our brother, my darling,” you corrected her. “And yes, it will be alright.”

You focused on Francesca and on the feeling of immense joy that she caused you. Only her eyes were enough to melt your heart, and her smile made you smile, too.

Right then and there, you were more certain than ever that, as long as you are together, everything will be perfect.

the end

taglist: @swiftholic-13 @kenzieisgone @urmultifandomfan

[firenati0n]

several sentence sunday - new roop work coming very soon to an ao3 near you! :) <3

hello friends :) early tag as I'm about to disappear until feb to be a silly goose in london town. here's a crumb from what i will be putting out on ao3 next, hopefully soon.

this is both an accountability measure for me and a way to let you know that something new is coming? i am Afraid. it is an au where angel!henry watches over lawyer!alex 😇🤠 and it's just a lot of pining yearning longing sensory experiences 💕 i channeled a lot of personal feelings into it so you will def Perceive the Author in this but it has a lovely happy ending as a way for me to rewrite my own and i really love it. i hope you do as well :) i hope to write a good chunk on the plane lol lofty goals

summary subject to change, but here's what i was thinking for now:

“In all the years, across all the universes, in the midst of all these people…you saw me. You felt me somehow. A gossamer fine thread connecting us, yet you grasped and tugged and held on tight. If losing my wings means I gain you, then that is a loss I will bear with gratitude.” Five times Guardian Angel Henry yearns for a truly human sensory experience, and the one time he feels them all at once.  Or, Henry discovers the joys of humanity through Alex’s eyes, finds himself, and falls in love. Or, Henry takes a leap of faith, and Alex catches him.

this fic was inspired by Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. And city of angels. But without the sad ending. slay.

xoxo roop

+ no pressure tags below the cut <3

tagging: @suseagull04 @kiwiana-writes @eusuntgratie @dumbpeachjuice @nocoastposts @cha-melodius @ninzied @msmarvelouswinchester @leojfitz @getmehighonmagic @tintagel-or-cockleshells @priincebutt @cricketnationrise @sherryvalli @dumbpeachjuice @littlemisskittentoes @ssmtskw @tailsbeth @lizzie-bennetdarcy @songliili @wordsofhoneydew @heybuddy-drabbles @happiness-of-the-pursuit @bigassbowlingballhead @anincompletelist @inexplicablymine @myheartalivewrites @sparklepocalypse @onward--upward @matherines @celeritas2997 @gayrootvegetable @affectionatelyrs @tinyarmedtrex @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @14carrotghoul @orchidscript @rmd-writes @dustratcentral @magicandarchery @leaves-of-laurelin @whimsymanaged @tintagel-or-cockleshells @zwiazdziarka @indomitable-love @anchoredarchangel @theprinceandagcd @gay-flyboys @gltzine

[moonysfavoritetoast]

Introduction !!

im so sorry to the people who aren’t used to my antics

sorry if this is rude, but please stop sending the gofundme asks. they’re overwhelming me, and i put off answering them until i feel shitty about not answering.

last updated 9/8/24*

*month/day/year

about me

hi i’m evan or cosmo :) i love love LOVE nicknames! as long as they aren’t sexual or directly calling me a girl, i don’t mind! *

i’m a MINOR in eighth grade, don’t be a creep. im a MINOR.

i use he/they/it pronouns

i’m transmasc, non-binary, bisexual & aceflux (i also use achillean and demi-boy as labels!)

* i especially love the nickname ‘ev’, as my sister had it first and my family will not call me that. i don’t want to be sexualized, it makes me uncomfortable. i am a boy, and i don’t want to be called a girl. eg; ‘good girl’ ‘my girl’ ‘girlfriend’. as for sexual stuff, i mean LITERALLY any nickname said with sexual undertones. i don’t mind being called a good boy, but the moment it’s said with anything sexual you might be blocked. for that reason, please use tone tags, as i am pretty bad at figuring out what some things mean at times.

rambling

FREE PALESTINE

PFP WAS DRAWN BY MY LOVELY WIFE @meerealsssss

currently matching pfps with @amg2 / @muthafuckinaro and @meerealsssss

first post limit 3/12/24

expect vent posts from time to time

also also currently going batshit crazy over fallout (honorable mentions are gravity falls, ghost, and sally face !)

i complain a lot, sorry

will x isaac

deer :3 and and german shepherds :3

jizz pants (will anf dom know what this means)

watch just add magic, do it please /nf

i love love love minecraft diaries (aphmau) gagagag lawrence and aaron are my fave characters (please talk to me about aphmau i swear i’m not cringe)

nico <3

starr <3

alex <3

ace <3

mee <3

my wife is @meerealsssss

my wife is @homoashell

my wife is @catinasink

my wife is dominic

my wife is also undyne

my wife is also mrs claus

my wife is trashcan carla

my husband is @amg2 / @muthafuckinaro

my husband is @homoashell

my husband is @catinasink

my husband is @the-rizzly-bear

my husband is the man in the yellow hat

my husband is terzo. i will not be taking criticism at this time.

my husband is also rick sanchez

my husband is also jazon broadly

my husband is also izerah (fuck you what is his last name, mee?)

pac-man is also my husband

my husband is alastor (hazbin hotel)

lucifer is my husband (hazbin hotel)

my husband is rj maccready:3

my husband is john hancock (the gay one)

my husband is the ghoul (on my knees for that cowboy ass mf)

my husband is ford pines

lord farquaad is my husband

my husband is jeremy fragrance

my husband is prae jack ;3

my partner is @alex-the-bard <3 <3 <3

my partner is @homoashell <3

my partner is @catinasink <3

likes/dislikes

like: music, tv, friends, my cat, cool socks, writing, rick sanchez, genloss, tadc, musicals/theatre, undertale/deltarune, ducks, omori

dislike: loud noises, silence, school

i’m currently obsessed with: ghost, dreamscape nexus, rick and morty, gravity falls, etc

i post about:

• marauders

• (mostly) random thoughts

• dreamscape nexus

• other random things

• rick and morty

• gravity falls

• percy jackson

• undertale/deltarune

• hazbin hotel

• helluva boss

• fallout

• omori

• sally face

• ghost

• mad max

family/pets

i have a younger sister, evie

i have a cat named daniel tiger

i have two dogs, gunner and roxie

timezone

EST

if you’re interacting with me past midnight, i’ll probably be a bit sillier than normal

DNI

maps/pedophiles, z00philes, bigots, ED and porn blogs

if you have ‘mdni’ in ur bio

simon cowell

donald trump

neo-nazis

if you don’t like furries and therians please get the fuck away from my blog

and if you shit on other’s religions, get away

what can you call me?

no: feminine related terms (unless you’re using them in a gender neutral way or as a joke) like girl, sister, wife, etc (bbg is always ok)

yes: boy, guy, partner, husband, dude, man (basically anything masculine/gender neutral)

sideblogs

@ricksanchezsboyfriend is my rick and morty sideblog

@mountainsmissingshoes is my ghost sideblog

@alastorsbigdick is my hazbin hotel rp sideblog (matching ace)

@giddingstexasenthusiast is my southern mom rp blog

@cryingunderstars is my writing sideblog

i am also @hadesfavoritechild

i run @rosie-rosier as well (marauders rp blog)

@scandalous-triangle and @myst3rytw1n are my gravity falls rp blogs (dm to join?)

extra info

birthday is august 7 :3

tone tags appreciated

i’m some flavor of neurodivergent (except i’m not diagnosed (parents r more worried about my sister) soz)

i play trumpet + i want to learn electric guitar or drums

i’m a gryffindor

child of hades

my favorite band is ghost

i speak english and i am currently learning french (might learn swedish)

satanist

feminist

alterhuman

fictionkin

theatre kid (crew) currently doing little shop of horrors

my fav number is 173

i write

i live in my own head. sorry.

i live in michigan and i guess this is shameful (shrimp bullies me for it)

i kin dipper pines

i have another sideblog. if you find it, idk i’ll give you chocolate or something (it’s embarrassing)

fuck wilbur soot. if i post about lovejoy, please know that i do not support him.

ask me about ghost (band) i have an oc and want to talk about them

send anon asks

tags!

• screenshots of dm’s/discord/texts: #evan leaks their texts

• lyrics: #evan screams lyrics at you

• my asks: #evan gets an ask *gasp*

• anything related to my book w/ @meerealsssss: #brokenly beloved

• anything related to moonlex (@alexthescaredenby and i’s ship name): #moonlex tag

• dreamscape nexus: #dreamscape nexus / #dn

• bracelets i make: #evan’s bracelets

• ace’s shit quotes: #ace needs to shit

• me talking about the man in the yellow hat: #tevan tag

• pictures of me: #literally evan

• me screaming about something: #on todays episode of evan is slowly going insane

• certain anon who signs off with a ☀️: #☀️ anon

• shit about omori: #evan plays omori

• shit about sally face: #evan plays sally face

• reblogging mutual’s art: #REBLOG (mutuals art)

• stuff that i post at theatre: #theatre shenanigans

• everything else: #evan's rambles

people i talk about

my teachers :3

• mr sharpie/mr shark is my band teacher (he/him)

• madam eddinger is my french teacher

• mr crowner is my science teacher

• mrs bryant is my math teacher

• mr stowe is my social studies teacher

• mrs erskine is my ela teacher

• mrs seals is the old ass transphobic building substitute

• mr jacobs is our theatre director

• ms carmen is from theatre

——— previous teachers

• mama is a teacher from sixth grade (she/her)

• mrs kopykat - seventh, ela (she/her)

• ms k - seventh, ela student teacher (she/her)

• mr bones/skeleton - seventh, science (he/him)

• mr margarita/montague - seventh, social studies (he/him)

• mrs doty/dodds - seventh, math (she/her)

my irl friends :3

• crotch demon is my sister (she/her)

• my sweet little expired english muffin is @meerealsssss (she/her)

• ace @amg2 / @muthafuckinaro (they/them, mal/they)

• wife part two is my wife, they asked me to not name her here (she/they)

• al/allie is from school :3 (she/her)

• smurf is from school (blue hair, hence the nickname) (he/him)

• tomato is from school (silly :3) (he/him)

• boom boy/isaac is from school (he made me a netherite pickaxe after someone else burned mine // the pick had unbreaking // boom boy likes tnt) (he/him)

• boomerang/matt is from school (he/him)

• (irl) alex is from school :3 (he/they)

• khris is from school

• colten is from school (father) (he/him)

• will @skibitygamer is from school (he/him)

• dom is from school (he/him)

• luca was from theatre (mf graduated)

• maryn is from theatre

• alex (n) was from theatre (also graduated)

• chris is from theatre

parents are now getting their own nicknames

• hades is my dad (he/him)

• will come up with one for my mom (she/her)

where else can you find me?

pinterest (moonysfavoritetoast)

pinterest (cryingunderstars)

youtube

wattpad (please don’t take this seriously)

tiktok (moonysfavoritetoast)

tiktok (cryingunderstars)

facebook mom account

my nintendo switch friend code is SW-4260-6971-6714

roblox is /@moonysfavorite_toast

and discord (@moonysfavoritetoast)

[wonderlandisatsomewhere]

Five ultimate signs that a guy is into you❤Revising Phum's pining era

A Phum appreciation post as i haven't seen one. Personally simp Phum was what got me really hooked in the first place. Watching ep 16 makes me really sad so I need to relive the series.

I read the novel other day and it was nice that the script dragged out a bit before PhumPeem became exclusive which I totally loved.

I know Phum had shown nothing but interest on Peem. But it kept reminding me of this chapter. I'll skip the part that they made out on the first unofficial date and focus on the subtle signs LOL

1. He's always, always up in your business.

It was on the verge of stalking actually.

To the point that he'll be wherever Peem is.

He's like I won't hesitate to ditch my year long friends for a boy I knew for like a month who I still am not sure I have a crush or not.

2. He'll never run out of excuses to touch you.

Hand grabbing was his love language before he even realize it himself.

You can turn pillow fight into gay so you can ACCIDENTLY smooch the boy you enslaved just to be close to him.

3. He might laugh a little harder than he probably should whenever you open your mouth.

All he does was smile around Peem.

Not sponsored by colgate.

When the sight of a common soda cup reminds you of BABE.

And this is his default RBF btw.

4. He would sometimes look at you... like he's silently asking for a kiss, but is too proud to actually say it.

The way I see it, it's damn close.

GOSH, the amount of butterflies I got watching those episodes. 🤒

That lips staring tho. It could be Phum, it could be Pond who knows.

5. He'll say it to you. In more ways than one.

Indirectly,

Directly,

The fact that he also never forgets to appreciate Peem.

I love that their dynamic includes lots of verbal reassurances.

Finally the I LOVE YOUs.

This scene OMG.😥

(They say it doesn't count if it was before or immediately after s*x) but well...

What I also like is that Phum's fixation didn't turn into toxic and overbearing. But rather about being insecure, attention seeking and touch starved sorts. It was balanced out because Peem's character is someone who is well loved and has plenty of affection to share in return and it makes them great together. I need to read the book a bit more the said drama came which i still haven't reached yet.

In conclusion, I definitely can relate Phum.

I mean look at this boy, just look at him. (He's so angelic in this shot)💗

God, I'm gonna miss we are and Wednesdays so much.

We are the series (2024)

Quotes are from one of my fav bxb books on wattpad "On my way to you" by @apparentlyelle which you definitely need to check it out! There's link on the name. 💗💗💗

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if i incorporate an old friend’s oc into my oc’s backstory?

hi!! this is a more lighthearted AITA- i’m basically just gauging proper oc etiquette bc i have no clue if this would be rude.

i (18X) am a d&d player. have been for a long time! i started at 13, with a huge group of my friends. we didn’t get to play much bc there were so many of us, but it was a blast and i ended up loving my character, natphi (a classic tiefling bard) so much that she eventually became a standalone oc for me.

in-game, natphi entered the party alongside her friend, luca (a half-elf ranger), who was played by another one of my friends (18 or 19 X now, 13 at the time). we were baby gays, and natphi and luca had a really fun sort of will-they-or-won’t-they wlw best-friendship. it was a great dynamic, and we both loved drawing them together and discussing them and even rping how they first met over discord. it was a blast, and eventually natphi’s friendship with and pining over luca became an important part of her story and character to me.

however, by this point luca’s player and i were going to different schools and had dropped several friends in that group due to standard teen drama, so it was hard to keep in touch. we stopped talking a couple of years ago with no hard feelings- just a classic drifting apart over time.

natphi is still one of my most beloved ocs (we’ve been through a lot together) and i still daydream about her friendship and such with luca. it gets difficult when i want to draw her in any meaningful way, though. luca isn’t my character, and if i drew her and posted it i would absolutely link back to her creator’s instagram, but it feels really odd to make and post art of the oc of someone you don’t talk to anymore. i can’t go and ask them if they mind, because once again, we haven’t spoken in years.

i’ve been chewing on this dilemma for a bit, but an idea came to me as i started preparing to make natphi a character sheet for a oneshot i’m doing soon: i could make natphi’s relationship with luca a part of her backstory and come up with some tragic separation of them. it would work great with natphi’s current backstory and deepen her character motivations, so there’s no problems there. however, i still feel really iffy using a now-stranger’s character with mine, even if i were to only refer to luca as more of a vague ghost than a full character. part of me feels like i’m “copying” her and just changing bits and pieces so she doesn’t look exactly the same. technically, nobody would actually be able to tell unless i told them, but i’d still feel like an ass for doing it if it’s “cheating,” for lack of a better word. however, i also know i’m a chronic overthinker, so i’m asking all of you instead: would i be TA for this??? i genuinely have no idea. thanks in advance for the input! ^^

What are these acronyms?

[absolutebl]

These Weeks in BL - This Is Very Late, Or Right on Time depending on where you sit on the temporal debate team

Sorry I got distracted by work. In my defense: I was paid.

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

March 2024 Wk 1 & 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube grey) ep 12 fin - Unfortunately, there was singing. But what can we do?

A soft charming warm hug of a show about crushes and mind reading and self worth, with no-fuss execution from a consummate team and an OG lead pair proving why they remain eternal and deserve to grow up. Look, here’s the thing, Cherry Magic is a great Thai BL in its own right not comparing it to any other iteration. But even when I do compare (and I've seen all the Cherries and read the manga) it still stands. This is a great show, a solid adaptation, and a pleasing take on the original yaoi. I personally like it better than the Japanese live action, but I think that’s because I just really like Thai BL and I LOVE TayNew. I doubted them for this and I shouldn’t have. They did a great job, as did the sides. I will say all the kissing was both present and better than any other iteration. As it should be. Definitely one for the rewatch rotation. 9/10 

Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 1 of 8 (10?) - Damn it, I love it. And I don't want to. It’s more classic BL than I thought it would be, and far less Only Friends or Playboyy. (Thank fuck.) We got a big cast and a lot of tropes going down out the gate, including SMITTEN popular hot guy versus nerd with secret identity. (Incidentally, Khem did drop into rude / informal when arguing with his Aunt and defending his ma. Bratty boy.) The leads have good chemistry (First always does), and everyone is very pretty. The main boy reminds me of J-Min's role (and look) in Love Class 2. I am entertained. (And faintly wonder why this isn't a MosBank vehicle.)

To Be Continued (Thai C3 Thailand grey) eps 1-3 of 8- High school sweethearts who had a bad break up reunite a decade later when both of them have full time jobs (celebrity & doctor). Dr Ji is a familiar face (hi Dream it's been a LONG time) and everyone is way too old for high school, but I guess I prefer this to child actors?

I'm enjoying it, actually, the cast may be older but they're solid as a result and the chemistry is on point for a pulp. Whether our celebrity is on the DL or cheating or something else remains to be seen but he sure is smitten. The way he LOOKS at Ji = hawt.

Frankly? Celebrity/doctor is a good pairing and this is a solid Thai BL. I hope we have a nice angsty reason for the break-up and we're not in another Promise situation. I like the sides too. Carry on, little show, I'm disposed to be pleased with you.

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) eps 5-6 of 12 - I am enjoying it, actually. It’s incredibly silly. But I don’t really mind. STOP SINGING. 

1000 Years Old eps 3-4 of 12 - I love that these kids basically adopted a vampire pet. And one of them accidentally got a vampire boyfriend. This suddenly turned from a PNR into a family drama about domestic gays opening a food stall and I'm not mad about it. Nothing makes sense and I don't care because... rainbow umbrella!

A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV grey) eps 1 of 10 - I don’t love it. I make no bones about the fact that a pining uke rarely works for me, especially if he’s younger (cute supportive besties not withstanding), the power dynamic isn’t good. I always like Kimmon, he’s a stiff actor but v pretty. (I shallow af.) Still it’s time he started acting his age… literally. Having to watch ads again as well… for this? Ooof. I'm not sure I'm strong enough.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 6 fin - It was very cute. I liked that there was uke instigated kisses. However I have some reservations on this one, much as I enjoyed it.

Adapted from Mayo Tsurakame’s manga, production team included Tadaaki Horai (My Love Mix-Up!) and Takeshi Miyamoto (Old Fashion Cupcake). Essentially Perfect Propose was about finding hope in a person when all other hope is gone. This show focuses on apathy, and perforce is somewhat apathetic and un-engaging especially as the pacing was off (and with only 6 episodes? now) However, this is countered by great visuals, good archetypes, and a clean story of childhood sweethearts reuniting after loosing their way in life. I landed on 8/10 mostly for a demanding younger seme and some great kisses. 

Unknown (Taiwan Tues Youku YouTube) eps 2-3 of 11 - Oh it’s great. I love it. I’m still worried by how gritty and "Taiwanese short-esk" it feels, but wow does this hit all my favorite taboo tropes and buttons. I also adore the little found fam, they the cutest gay older bros ever. The younger one who wants so bad to grow up and take care of the older one and pushes himself because into self sacrifice that’s the only model of love he has. ARGH. BOYS. Why so much pain, just smooch already! Sheesh. It's on YouTube for some of us, here's the schedule.

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) eps 6-7 of 10 - They remain questionably cute, and that is probably going to be my ultimate review of this show. Awe cameo! (Hi babies, hope the ghosts are leaving you alone.) The irony does not escape me that the person in the relationship with the most emotional acumen is, in fact, the robot and not the human. I'm sure that's meant to be deep.

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Gaga) ep 1 of 6 - A tortured second chance romance featuring a reported and a successful celebrity(?) academic. The kid actors look nothing like their adult counterparts, but they do look much younger. So, okay. Ah the utter embarrassment of first love. Oh I like it a lot, so very messy Japanese emo. Sigh. Here we go again.

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) eps 8-9 of 10 - They are a cute couple. They both trying so hard and so confused and awkward and polite in trying to understand each other but TERRIBLE at communication. 

My Strawberry Film (Japan Thurs Gaga) eps 3-4 of 8 - I don’t know how I feel about this. But I do know it’s not my thing because it’s not BL. I’ll finish it because it’s short but… meh. 

It's done, ready to binge, but I have no time

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master (Vietnam YouTube) - I will try when I have a window of time.

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - A Burmese BL? @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will watch eventually.

It's airing but...

Dead Friend Forever (Thai iQIYI) - finished it's run and I won't be watching it. It's horror with BL elements and the ending, well, let's just say that's a "no thank you" from me.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… no. I'm not watching this. I dislike this franchise.

Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.

Takumi-kun (2023) movie version AKA Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai Monogatari no Hajimari no Asa released on FOD 3/5/2024. The original project was a 6 ep series. Having seen all the previous iterations and read the (terrible) yaoi I admit to being intrigued. If anyone finds eng subbed please let me know with a link in comments or in a DM? For those intersted in this show, probably the world's first true BL franchise I chat all about it here.

Gossip

James Supamongkon has withdrawn from the series Love Upon A Time and the NetJames pair is no more. Net Siraphop will continue with the historical BL project alongside a new partner. Can I interest you in Tod Techit... almost as pretty, legs for days...

The Complete Chronology of the Assault Case Against GMMTV Actor Win Pawin

I'm merely directing your attention to these articles, I do not wish for discussion of this content on this blog. Please don't ask for further info, I don't know the answer, follow the link that's why it's there.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Still Coming

3/21 Two Worlds (Thai IQIYI) 10 eps - announced here. One of those "he's dead Jim so time travel" thingames staring MaxNat. I'm over them but Asia flipping loves this trope and I do adore MaxNat. Phupha (Gun) and Khram (Nat) love each other but Phupha is murdered. Then Khram is pulled to a parallel world where, 12 years ago, Khram and Tai (Max) were in love. However, Khram was killed by Thai’s dad. Now Tai finds alter-Khram apparently alive. But then there is ALSO an alter-Phupha (played by Gun Thanawat who is Khom the repressed butler bodyguard from Unforgotten Night).

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

How flipping adorable is this vampire with his big gay umbrella? SUCH A DORK and we got more vampire dorks coming.

Thailand has found its vampire line and it's awkward and geeky and quite cheerful. 'Bout what we expected, to be fair. It's a good look for them.

And vampires.

In other news...

That's your random moment of thirst, Lim Jimin shirtless AKA my Just B bias (I mean, I could talk about how good his extensions are and how I love a husky voice in Kpop but really, just LOOK at him). I'm very very very shallow, remember? Full vid is here.

Why am I mentioning Lim Jimin (aside from the obvious)? If Just B doesn't break soon, I could some of them transitioning to BL. Jimin in particular would be a win for us, obvs.

Also, can we talk about Bain (my bias wrecker) KILLING it on Build Up? I had no idea he was that good. Anygay, this has been your Kpop end note.

Seriously tho, is ANYONE else watching Build-Up?

(Last week - well, 2 weeks ago)

Streaming services are listed how I'm (usually watching) which is with a USA based IP

The tag bragade: @doorajar

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will. Easy peesy.

[bengiyo]

Living With Him Ep 2 Stray Thoughts

Last week, two childhood friends that had grown apart moved in together before their freshman year of college at the insistence of their mom. Natsukawa is excited about being on his own and not being so responsible for chores and child care anymore. Kazuhito seems quite gay for Natsukawa and very happy about this new arrangement.

In the course of getting to know each other again, Natsukawa was surprised to learn that Kazuhito is single, and wanted to figure out why women keep dumping him. He decided they should hang out on what was absolutely a date day and see the neighborhood. They went to the batting cages and to a furniture store. We also got to see Kazuhito take care of Natsukawa when he caught a cold. I'm sold.

I thought Kazuhito couldn't cook? I guess he can do simple breakfasts.

He wants to learn to cook more! I love this man.

This shirt brand Kazuhito is wearing is everywhere. I have one of those shirts.

Look at Kazuhito already angling for a shopping date.

Kazuhito's friends definitely have heard about Natsukawa. Not sure if Haruna already clued in on Kazuhito being queer, but he and Yoshida seem to know something.

"Yoshida is good looking." "Oh, is that so?" This man, I tell you. I love the "letting you in" type.

Did Kazuhito choose to work at an Italian restaurant because of Natsukawa?

He's flirting with a salad! Incredible.

So Yoshida is one of these exes, Natsukawa definitely can see what's going on with Kazuhito, and Haruna is clearly having a great time watching this.

Kiss? It's episode 2!!

Wow we are talking directly about this next week!

I am so into Kazuhito. I will not let this preview lead me astray. I like the friends so far. They're nosy in a way people who've been watching someone pine for a long time can be.

[presidentheartbeat6]

The Temeraire Playlist...

Hi. Hello. I am here today to ramble on about the music I've got on my temeraire playlist.

My music taste is. Strange. Blame my dad.

GRAND NEW SPIN (GOLD CELESTE): Starting out strong with a song that reminds me of willzing. There are! A lot of these!!! On here. You have been forewarned.

Anyways I think this is from Tharkay's perspective. "A longing for things to begin" (Ok but pining Tharkay. methinks.) / "A place where truth is not a sin" (THEIR HOME!!!! POST CANON!!!!!!!!! yea guess what the truth part is I dare you. I'll give you a hint its their GAY LOVE)

MEDICINE (LOVING): Will Laurence.

"You felt for the words like the wings of a bird, riding the winds of a dark form you heard" (!!!!! TEMRER!!!!!!!!!) / "A voice speaking low, it said 'I swim the deep waters, dreams are my eyes, deeper than blue'" (this but.. Tharkay.. dreaming about blue eyes..)

And then the last few lines are. Laurence to Tharkay & Granby :,)

TWO FOR NERO (EVERYTHING EVERYTHING): Ok so I can't put an everything everything song and NOT talk about it. Fair warning I'm crazy insane about this song. Like wild. My blog name is actually based on the everything everything song called (you guessed it) president heartbeat.

Now this song. Starts out a little strange. You're like 'where are these guys going with this???' And then about halfway through. You get to. The Part. You'll see what I mean. Pllllss tell me what you think about this song I'm so curious if it's just a me thing or what.

Anyways... this song is soo. Will Laurence. But specifically it's Granby talking about him.

"We met inside a war zone" / "And you never tell me anything, you never tell me anything" (EARLY BOOKS LAURENCE POV, HIM & GRANBY WHEN HE'S STILL FIGURING OUT THE CORPS. HEAVY BREATHING.) / "I can't remember dates and times, and I'm sorry for the years I was a shipwreck boy" (Laurence POV amnesia arc. Yeha.) / "I'd rather dash myself up on the rocks, than see you waste away your day with clocks, in every corner of your parent's home" (amnesia arc granble POV gheaaauugh) / "And there's no world war coming in, all the reasons I've been worrying, just forget the parts you'll never need, all these things I'll tell you when you wake up" (SO FUCKED UP SO FUCKED UP SO FUCKED UP. hahahaha Point of View: Granby when his best friend loses all memory of him lol hahaha!!!!!!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!)

MAKE A CHIIIIIILD. AAA CHIIIILLDDDDD. AAAA FOOORREEEESTTTTT.

ok sorry I'm done. there are even MORE lyrics that relate to them in this song than the ones that I listed btw. some ODDLY specific ones too. I wish I could listen to this song for the first time again.

DRAGON EYES (ADRIANNE LENKER): no this is definitely not just on here cuz dragon is in the song name how dare you. anyways this song is sososoooo willzing.

Just think like ... tharkay's perspective..... "When the hot sand burns my feet, you have cool hands, you are sweet" / "As the coastline is shaped by the wind, as we make love and you're on my skin, you are changing me, you are changing me" / "I just want a place with you, I just want a place" (do I even need to say it?!!?? ok fine. their house. post canon.)

IN OUR BEDROOM AFTER THE WAR (STARS): dare I say Tharkay Laurence Granby friendship.........

"It's us, yes, we're back again, here to see you through, 'til the days end" (YEAH. YEAH. GRANBY AND THARKAY @ LAURENCE.) / "She's gone, she left before you woke, as you ate last night, neither of you spoke" (beautiful awkward early day willzing) / "And if you lost it all, and you lost it, well we'll still be there when your war is over" (AGAIN!!! THEM AT LAURENCE!!)

TO GO HOME (M. WARD): GRANBY & LITTLE>???>?>?>? finally a song NOT about Laurence. except this could probably still be about Laurence if u squint.

"Sailing on a sinking ship, into the sunset in day" (poor granble forced onto all those many. long. boat voyages LOL) / "To think I'll have to give it all up someday" (just thinking Abt how they'd never be able to get legally married and even if they do stay together how they'd live their lives in constant fear of being found out) / "And if I ever treated you mean, you know that it was only because, I'm sorry, I couldn't have you for my own"

IN THE AEROPLANE OVER THE SEA (NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL): Tharkay song :3

"What a beautiful face, I have found in this place, that is circling all 'round the sun" (Tharkay inner monologue whenever he sees Laurence) / "What a beautiful dream, that could flash on the screen in the blink of an eye and be gone from me" (the dangers of Laurence dying in the line of duty, etc, etc) "And one day we will die, and our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea" (thinking about temeraire spreading their ashes lol lol lol I am laughing so hard rn hahahahaha. spreading them TOGETHER I might add. United even in death) "With one you loved so long ago, now he don't even know his name" (*whispers* amnesia laure- *gunshots*)

SIMULATION SWARM (BIG THIEF): Mmmm yum yum I love this song. It sort of gives me Granby & Laurence vibes.

"O my stars, winged creatures, gathering in silken height" (TEEEMMMERAIIRE! sorry I have to.) / "with the drone of fluorescence, flicker, fever, fill the form" (just thinking about Laurence watching over Granby one of the many times he's seriously injured. siiigh.) / "And you could be my brother, once again fall asleep with our backs against each other" / "I'd fly to you tomorrow, I'm not fighting in this war, I wanna drop my arms and take your arms and walk you to the shore"

TOUGH LOVE (FLYTE, LAURA MARLING): auhgguhgh more willzing feelings. just thinking about their adjustment period after fighting in the war where they're both trying to learn how to Be Normal about being in love. thisssss ssoonnggg gives me Tharkay POV vibes.

"I've been trying to hurt you, I've been holding you tight" (the ultimate paradox, pushing away those you love because you're afraid of it, and being so desperately in love you can't fully make yourself do it.) / "I've been learning to love you, am I doing it right?" / "How are you still breathing, with my hands all over your heart?" (I think that while Laurence is still eons from normal, once he comes to terms with it he's a lot... MORE normal about their romance than Tharkay. Laurence trusts him completely and it is. a little disturbing to Tharkay, perhaps)

THE SMOKE (THE SMILE): ohohohoho. this is a fucking PHENOMENAL song.

"It begs me, while I'm sleeping, I desire a second chance, I set myself on fire" (oh YEEESSSS post treason Laurence yum yum yum) / "Wakes me from my sleep, smoke wakes me from" (MUST I EVEN SAY IT. THARKAY RESCUE MOMENT.)

TRIPOLI (PINBACK): I'm too lazy to make an animatic. but if I WERE going to. it would probably be to this song.

"You know what's gonna happen, you know what's gonna happen, he's gonna go down, and he's gonna come back again" (Tharkay somehow miraculously returning to Laurence over and over and over again. soulmates. attracted to each other but also like LITERALLY physically attracted to each other in a magnet way. idk. SOMETHING.)

FORTRESS (PINBACK): THE EGG HUNTTTTTTT!!! HUNT FOR EGG!!!!! DESERT!!!!!!!!!! LAURENCE THARKAY GRANBY BONDING!!!!!!!!

"You and a test of will, too many fallen, too many failed, nobody move, nobody move" (EGG HUNT111 and. bunyips) / "You and I, uneasy, livid" (OOAUGHHQ!! I just think yk like. being stuck out their in the elements day in and day out. all those horrible conditions. and again, the fucking bunyips. so many stressors.... them all being anxious and snappy with each other... angst soooso good...) / "Stop, it's too late, I'm feeling frustrated, I see no sign of fortress, I see no fortress" (looking for water, looking for the egg, looking to catch a FUCKING break for once) / "Another delay, too many hassles, where do we go? How do we follow?"

WILD WEST (GREGORY AND THE HAWK): I love Gregory and the hawk ssoooososososoooooooooooo much. SSOOOSOSOSOOOOO MUCH. I have sooo many of her songs on my aubreyad playlist... yeehhaANYWAYS this song is. soo. Laurence coded.

"Flightless skies, the fear, the doom, it's no surprise" / "Realize there's no sense in losing your mind before your time, in order not to worry, you write the words down, but it's a fools game" (AMNESIA ARC AMNESIA ARC AMNESIA ARC) / "Rise young sun, you're a tireless one, and you'll be back burning when the morning comes" (LAURENCE LAURENCE LAURENCE)

GET NUMB TO IT! (FRIKO): hahhakjdshnjsh would it be mean to say. John Granby. poor baby darling.

"Tip toe out from the backdoor down to the basement, where your funny faces always made me frown" (sneaking into littles' room...) / "And when I'm down, I'll dance in a fever cold and calm, with a sewn on smile and feet swollen and numb" (poor guy :( the granble <3) / "And it doesn't get better, it just gets twice as bad" (JHBKJNKJNKJN. yeah. he literally Cannot Catch a Break bruh.)

OOKAYY!!!!! thank you for reading WOW congrats if you got all the way to the bottom :DDDDDDD listen to one of these songs and tell me when you think :)))!!!!!!

If anyone ever wants to talk music with me literally ever...... pls. I am so here.

[ohwhataniight]

"Oh what a night" – The case of the BBC Sherlock transmasc aesthetics: Relating to problematic masculinities in search for identity

So I sat down and rewrote this silly essay I wrote one day after returning from my trip to the US. Flaneurism at its best (or at its worst, idk). Please bear with me but definitely send in your feedback if you read and feel like it, it means the world to me and it will definitely help me unpack some of my problematicness! Thank you <3

I take a deep drag of my American Spirit cigarette whilst the tail ofmy long black coat swishes behind me dramatically. Dusk-time Boston is lit up. The skyscrapers towering over my tiny figure are glittering against the dark through the blurry lens of my camera phone.

I am consciously imitating the aesthetic of the modern but also always Victorian BBC Sherlock, in the scene following John and Mary’s wedding, in which the world’s only consulting detective surrenders to his noble, quiet pining for his not-gay best friend.

What even is masculinity, anyway? What would I like it to be?

The creators of the series, Gatiss and Moffat, spent 10 years religiously denying the possibility of a romantic or sexual relationship between the two protagonists, while driving the hordes of fans into delirium every time that Sherlock (Benedict Cumberbatch) and John (Martin Freeman) made love with their eyes or confessed their devotion to one another. Despite the queerbaiting, the homophobia and the sexism in the Moftis series, despite the 4th season fiasco, despite the actors denying the possibility of their characters ever running together into the sunset, Sherlock himself never denied being queer. Gay, asexual, demisexual, the interpretations are many, a breath of representation in the relative democracy of fandom. And as if that wasn’t enough, Sherlock and John end up canonically raising John’s daughter together at their 221B Baker Street apartment.

The modernized urban Victorian aesthetic, the provocatively coded dialogues, the deep homosociality, and the simple, pure bitterness towards the creators, renders the community of Johnlock fans more alive than ever almost 10 years after the series’ finale. In some hidden, bright corners of the internet, like fanfiction.net and archiveofourown.com, women and queers publish analyses and fanfiction in which they explore the endless galaxy of human genders, sexualities, and forms of kinship, writing the insufferably British male characters as women, non-binary, FTM, Alpha and Omega, pregnant, high, and always together - two human animals exploring bodies and experiences that belong to us in the shelter of Baker Street, with their landlady, Mrs. Hudson, being their most ardent shipper. We write entire full-length novels for free, with our sole motive being the exploration, the practice in writing, and the communication with other queers, other women, other people who feel like us and live in different sides of the earth which, despite Sherlock not remembering, keeps on orbiting the sun with the certainty born by a Johnlocker for their OTP being endgame.

Back to Boston now, which looks like Glasgow on steroids, with its red brick buildings and the glass towers that pierce the skies - it doesn’t feel as cozy and familiar to me as European cities, but it is big enough to swallow and hide me, safely, away from the suffocating and often murderous, homotransphobic gaze of my motherland, Greece. Boston feels big enough to make me feel free, invisible, and at the same time more visible than ever.

Here’s how I made it happen: in the name of an egotistical but seductive flaneurism, in the idea that here I can be non-binary and roaming the streets while smoking without thinking that, at any given moment, I might be spotted by the people from whom I’m hiding both facts, I end up romanticizing a stroll on stolen land, as well as the tar in my lungs. I feel the need to wander around, heavily perfumed, with a hanful of product in my hair, dressed androgynously in a way that my mother only accepts because she doesn’t understand the meaning of it, smoking as the soundtrack of Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons’ December 1963 (Oh What a Night) blasts through my old headphones. As a queer person living in Greece, I never felt that the streets belonged to me. I’ve always felt like a pariah looking for somewhere to belong to, and the irony of going after that feeling in America as a white European tourist brings a certain sourness to my mouth. Is that how Columbus felt? Was he a sissy who didn’t feel accepted by his mum in their suffocating mediterranean society? No, fuck that thought. Fuck that circle, fuck everything I've been taught by the writers of history. I decide to leave these streets to their people, without it meaning that I’ve suddenly found the courage to reclaim my own back in motherland.

Exhaustion, flight, cowardice? Survival.

Later I will learn that the American Spirits with the Native American on their turquoise box are anything but native-owned. What’s certain is that, in this trip, I found solace while smoking stolen land.

What does that make me? A citizen of the world?

After all, in the entire trip, I pretend I’m Sherlock, the whitest man to ever white man. It’s not as if I don’t have my own personality - at least I hope that I do. It is that through relating (to fictional characters, actors, role models who remind me of an aesthetic I had to build from scratch for my trans self, with the help of other queer people who created fanart or fanfiction, moulding new arhetypes) I find a vehicle for the exploration of my existence more easily, I see my reflection (or the one I’d like to have) in the mirror. In the fandom nobody tells you how to imagine your favourite characters and how not to. Nobody tells you how to write yourself, and nobody blames you for doing it. You create with self-indulgence, and you’re applauded for it. And that saved my life.

For years I related to a genderfluid Tonks, a trans Remus Lupin, a fanon Jean Prouvaire from Les Mis. Through all those experimentations and games, the changing of clothes in the dark, the opening and closing of the closet door, I found a name for myself: Sam. And Sam, like every other trans masculinity with the name Sam, Skye, Noah, and Eliott, contains multitudes. 

For the timebeing, my persona of choice is that of Sherlock, perhaps the most insufferable (and one of the most privileged) characters in the history of British TV (which says a lot). “What do you have in common with that emotionally constipated man?” you ask me because you know that my own sentiments are constantly dancing naked before me. I wonder why that is. Indeed, what do I have in common with that guy and end up projecting so much on him? Me, who hesitates to even cancel a doctor’s appointment in pursuit of constant politeness and people-pleasing (AFAB, you see).

When Sherlock’s landlady, Mrs. Hudson, disapproves of his manners and threatens him with a tete-a-tete with his mother, Sherlock gives her his blessing, saying: “You can if you like, she understands very little”.

Sherlock and his turbulent relationship to his parents. Sherlock who always observes everything while staying outside, because he doesn’t know how to get in. Sherlock, always so different that he’s used to people laughing at him, gaping at him with awe, or wanting to punch him in the face. Sherlock who always attracts attention simply because he functions the way he functions, constantly failing to be a normal human being. Neurodivergent Sherlock, camp Sherlock, forgotten-in-another-era, flaneur Sherlock, who even in the Gatiss series (especially in the Gatiss series) is desperate to love, but he never manages to get it right. And finally, Sherlock the logical, the detached, the cynic: masculine elements that I never managed - and was never allowed to - acquire, and which I desperately, problematically craved, because in society and inside me they have been coded as masc.

I am the opposite Sherlock, and that makes me even more of a Sherlock, I decide, and if that helps me sleep at night, then so be it, for now. 

As Hil Malatino writes in the chapter Fall Out Boy is Trans Culture of his essay Surviving Trans Antagonism: “The boy at the center of a [Fall Out Boy track, brackets mine] is [...] being eminently braggadocious and narcissistic [...]. He’s stationed directly at the center of a completely solipsistic universe. No matter how insufferable this kind of guy is in reality, I would have killed for a fraction of his swaggering self-confidence as a kid” (Malatino 2020, 17).

What even is masculinity, anyway? What would I like it to be?

“Do I look like Sherlock?” I ask you, hopeful and doe-eyed as I prance around in my black suit inside the house while packing for the trip. “Sherlock is gender, you know.”

“Do you really want to know how I see your gender? 100% honest-to-God?” you ask mischievously.

“Yes, I do,” I’m hanging from your lips.

“You are, deep inside your soul, in this tartan robe of yours, Bananas in Pyjamas.”

I think about it. Not exactly Sherlock. I smile though. I see my gender in your words. Goofy, boyish, vintage, loud, sleepy, badly dressed: Me. Headcanon accepted.

If headcanon and fanon - that is, reclaimed - Holmes played by (problematic) Cumberbatch teaches me how to be a boy or a man, then so be it, because I hope that my performance will be filtered, as much as possible, through my “girlish” (though still white) sensibilities. That, and the fact that there is a child inside me who never got to live as an openly, unashamedly neurodivergent, inquisitive little boy. Because there is a masculine side inside me that I must hide every day when I go to work. So I put together a playlist, I put on my scruffy headphones, and I tar my lungs, just a little more, a little longer until I’m able to finally leave my country for good and feel ready to love myself as I am. My coat swishes behind me as I dance alone on the street, invisible among the crowd, yet feeling more visible than ever before.

CITATIONS: Malatino, H. (2020). Trans care, University of Minnesota Press. https://doi.org/10.5749/j.ctv17mrv14

[captainqster]

Because I am a sucker for the best friend > pining pipeline, can you PLEASE tell me more about your character's love for their only friend?

Can I tell you more? Can I tell you more??? OKAY HERE IT GOES

Sorry for the essay but the context is important (to me)  

Ilya (my oc) and his friend Gia (@reap-the-game's oc) are both products of abuse by their Wood-Warder master and Garlean not-husband respectively. Ilya’s first love was murdered by his master, prompting his exile from Golmore, and Gia has a long history rife with mistreatment of a sensitive nature. While Ilya’s trauma resulted in a man who conceals his emotions and wants to be seen as a capable protector, Gia’s made him overly accommodating and willing to go to nearly any lengths to avoid violence, even if what he’ll provide means ruining a budding friendship. 

At present day, Ilya has been self-isolating while living in Gridania. He meets Gia, who’s overly friendly and touchy (and frightfully perceptive) and Ilya has to face how touch-starved and lonely he’s been. They immediately latch onto each other. Day and night, every possible second spent together, sharing a bed and each meal, etc. More and more Ilya finds that the man he really is (playful, questioning, confident) is a man he’s allowed to be around Gia without punishment, while Ilya goes about encouraging Gia’s autonomy, even slowly trying to teach him to be more selfish.  

However, because Gia has negative affiliations with sex and relationships, Ilya has resolved to keep his feelings hidden because he would rather have Gia as a forever friend than risk losing his company. Ilya is very much a worshipful guard dog for Gia.  

(Amusing note: Ilya is 26 while Gia is in his 40’s. Gia got a divorce and then went out and got himself a beefy young stud) 

I will say at this point the boys have engaged in sloppy makeouts and Gia realizes he has feelings for Ilya but doesn’t understand what those feelings are. Ilya refuses to give any input. He is just smiling and enjoying their time together because he’s young and in love.  

Also our rp has been going on pretty steadily for...almost a year and a half now and we have quite a bit planned out. Some favorite moments of mine thus far are: Gia ruthlessly beheading a dying decurion because he attacked Ilya, Ilya whipping a man bloody with his belt for touching his bestie, and Ilya showing Gia a selenite cave populated by millions of luna moths. It was very magical. It was very gay.  

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 10

welcome the the tenth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. A Rain-Check on Redamancy by @youraveragemushroom

Burnout these days usually came from working long nights at the Garrison. If Lance from five years ago could see himself today—working part-time to rebuild Earth and full-time as an instructor at the very same institution that gave him his crippling anxieties—he would probably shit a brick. Hell, five years ago he hadn’t even known aliens existed (although he always knew deep down that humans weren’t alone in the universe), and now he’s best friends with multiple! One of which had apparently texted him an hour ago.

Forgoing proper texting procedure due to fatigue and general doneness, Lance tapped on the icon to call back.

“Hello?” a familiar deep rasp answered from the other line.

“Hey, mullet,” Lance replied, pushing aside the papers in front of him to lay his head down on the desk. “What’s cooking?”

In which Lance finds himself ignoring how late it is and indulges himself in pining after Keith. Which becomes slightly more difficult when said object of his affections shows up in the middle of the night to rescue him from paperwork, stress, and the melancholy that came from being away from him.

the ‘god i wish you were here’ ‘look behind you’ trope will get to me EVERY single time idc. always makes me all stimmy bc its THE epitome of romance. this whole thing was so so romantic and full of parallels to the first episode to show how deep their relationship has gotten...i love me some romantic parallels fr

2. sweetheart by @jilliancares

“Sorry, babe,” Keith says. He even smiles, no doubt proud of himself.

And Lance knows it’s his fault. He started it, after all, but at least the biting term of endearment made sense when he was the one doing it. Keith had been talking to him like they were some old married couple. The kind who’ve been married too long and don’t love each other anymore and gripe over meaningless shit, only managing to piss each other off even further.

That’s why Lance called him dear. Because it made sense in the situation. It was a calculated insult. A strategic jab.

Keith, on the other hand, is weaponizing the term of endearment without any rhyme or reason, simply to get back at Lance.

Or: Keith and Lance have gotten into the habit of using pet names as condescending insults. They're not really terms of endearment.

ooooooo god endearments going from sarcastic to desperately genuine and the inherent hopelessness in that....whew boy. its def a Concept that u indulge and then you have to clutch ur stomach. i remember reading this as i was getting ready and brushing my teeth and the cliff scene made me gasp out loud and stop just to i could pay Full Complete Attention

3. don’t speak the language by @goldengalaxies

“More importantly” Lance says. “I am currently having a breakdown in this lift because look at him- I am so incredibly gay.”

“Lance!” Hunk buries his face in his hands. “He could speak English you know, your skills of deduction are really not that good.”

Lance ignores his warning in favour of groaning dramatically. “Oh, Dios mio, Hunk, he’s so gorgeous. Look at those muscles. He could probably bench press me.” Lance fanned himself. “Oh my God, fencing is my new favourite sport, fuck swimming.”

(or the one where Lance thirsts after a random guy in the lift who he thinks can’t speak English. lance is very wrong and hunk is very much done with his shit.)

let me tell u about this fuckin FIC. it’s hilarious, but i first read it before i meticulously started storing and bookmarking my fave fics, so when i wanted to reread it i couldnt find it. but i KNEW it was hilarious so i spent fckn hours looking for it, and it took me hours too bc i coulnt figure out which tags to filter. but it was WORTH IT. the entire concept of this fic is hilarious and makes me laugh. amazing work.

4. Whose bright idea was this? by IronScript

When Lance is captured during a mission with the MFE pilots, he wakes up aboard Haggar's ship, though the witch herself isn't there, so he figures why waste an opportunity? Then he finds something that he definitely hadn't expected.

All the while, he has no idea that back at the Garrison, his team and a few select others are watching his every move.

bro the idea that the team is panicked for lance’s safety and they desperately organise a rescue mission for him terrified that hes getting tortured and losing hope but by the time they find him he’s already got one foot out the door and has rescued himself is ENDLESSLY funny to me. like he really said ‘damsel in distress who’ and i love him for that lmao

5. Garfle! Warfle! Snick! by IronScript

How the game show episode actually should have happened.

I'll admit to being a Lance stan, but even people who don't like him seem to agree that he was really fucked over in this episode. So here's my attempt at it. Is it more realistic than what actually happened? I like to think so.

another ironscript fic bc they nail bamf lance. this is how the gameshow WOULD have gone if vld gave a shit about their characters like actually. like yes of course the team is proud of each other and capable of acknowledging mistakes. of course keith knows lance’s worth. of course lance is a badass. of course the team knows wtf theyre doing. love to read this when i get mad about the game show

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[shiroikabocha]

you know as long as we're dissecting s2 frame-by-frame I'm gonna be pedantic about something that's bothering me and that something is firearm safety

or rather the egregious lack thereof, which I understand is the point of the scene but GODDAMNIT

I can't even focus on the multiple gay meanings of this line because AZIRAPHALE. PAY ATTENTION. WHAT is past your ear right now? Sure, whatever, you're handing a loaded metaphor gun to the one person you trust more than anyone in the world not to hurt you and it's all very symbolic and meaningful but LOOK BEHIND YOU.

the bullet is a metaphor for trust and miscommunication and all that but is also, I can't stress this enough, a REAL BULLET being fired from a REAL GUN--

--right at SEVERAL EXTREMELY MORTAL HUMANS who are standing DOWN RANGE of the LOADED METAPHOR GUN

you're worried about paperwork??? How much paperwork do you think you're gonna have to fill out when you accidentally cause the death of national treasure Laura Henderson???

also, ladies, WHY ARE YOU STANDING DOWNRANGE OF A LOADED GUN

the angel and the demon are too busy pining to operate their brains but YOU must have SOME kind of self-preservation instinct, right??

This is TOO CLOSE! Why was the blocking for the magic trick set up with the gun pointed off the side of the stage WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE???

JAIL. Jail for Aziraphale, jail for Crowley, jail for Mrs. Henderson too because she presumably had the power to clear stage right before this shit went down--or if not, then at any point during the approximate forty years of Longing Stares down the barrel of the Gay Metaphor Gun--and she DIDN'T, which is IRRESPONSIBLE, and no, I am not fun at parties, but you know what I am at parties is mindful of basic firearm safety (sadly a requirement, I live in the united states)