#YOU ARE ALL SO FUNNY AND SMART AND CLEVER

[corrodedcoughin]

Bad reputation by Joan Jett eddie munson fancam WHEN???

[a-hazbin-reader]

I had an alastor ask you can ignore this but what about an alastor x wife!reader where one day one of the readers old friends from their living days manifest in hell it can be angsty or fluffy but I just really wanna see how you think alastor would react to suddenly remembering that the reader had a whole different life before hell and before him

You're an amazing write and I wanna see your take on this, if not thats ok too !! Have a lovely day 🩷

Ooh this is just juicy-

Alastor X Reader Headcanons

✅️Romantic

❌️Platonic

TW: Alastor being sad, Alastor being jealous

Description: 👆⬆️

Look, Alastor is a smart man who knows you had a life before you met him, before you died

He knows this, he also had a life before you

A rather violent one towards the end there, but still...

But when one of your friends from when you were alive suddenly runs into you???? It suddenly feels like that previous life is coming to slap him in the face

"Y/N? Is that you?"

The way your face lights up with familiarity and you two rush to hug each other, obviously close

It makes him...feel something bad...

The conversation with your friend starts out simple and innocent enough, the two of you catching up with each other

You introduce your husband and Alastor can tell that your friend is surprised, probably not expecting you to be shacked up with the radio demon himself

He preens with your introduction, ready to hear your friend either gush about your amazing husband or shrink away in fear of him

Or at least that's what Alastor assumes the shocked look means

But then your friend mentions something about an old flame of yours and Alastor just kinda??? Gets a white hot flash of anxiety??

You get visibly upset at the mention of them, mumbling something to your friend that Alastor can't hear because he's not listening

You're scolding your friend for bringing up someone you hardly even thought about anymore, someone so unimportant in comparison to your husband

You had someone before him?? Someone you loved and cared about before you died and became stuck in hell?

Would you still go to them now if you had the choice? No, you wouldn't, he's one of the strongest demons in hell. Why would you leave him?

Because you loved people for more than that...

Then your friend is talking to him about your life when you were alive, telling him every stupid, funny, kind thing you did

Everything you enjoyed without him in your life

He's stuck in his own head and hurting his own feelings, the smile on his face painfully tight

"Alastor? Darling?"

Your concerned voice and gentle squeeze on his arm brings him back to reality, your friend having already left without his realizing

"Are you alright? You got quiet on me and that's not like you..."

And he's back to being his charming self, squashing down his ugly emotions

"My apologies my dear~! I just suddenly remembered I must meet Rosie today!"

He's gone before you can even question it, leaving you with a sinking feeling in your gut

The next few days after that Alastor is distant from you even though he's trying to play it off as being busy

Everyone at the hotel can see it and think that you two must be having a fight

You have to reassure them that no, mommy and daddy aren't fighting

He's been off ever since you ran into your friend and they brought up-

...your past...

Oh that stupid man of yours

It takes a lot of work to corner Alastor, he's stupidly clever and always has an excuse to avoid you

You however, did NOT become his wife by giving up easily

One time, he even straight up turned around and ran from you

And you almost fucking caught him if he hadn't cheated and melted away into the shadows

But you manage to catch him in his radio tower, using all your demonic power to sneak up on him

He jumps at the feeling of your arms draping around his neck from behind, feeling your lips on his temple

He's missed being so close to you, he really has

"We need to talk, darling one..."

This is exactly what he's been avoiding though, trying to get his uncomfortable feelings to go away so things can go back to normal between you two

"What is there to talk about, my dear~?"

He's pulling you into his lap, uncharacteristically enthusiastic about giving you affection all of a sudden, kissing up your neck and rubbing your thighs

You know he's trying to seduce you to get out of having to talk about his feelings so you stop him, placing a firm hand on his chest

"You've been avoiding me ever since we ran into my friend."

He visibly cringes at being so obviously caught, his smile strained, sharp teeth clenched tight

"I've simply been busy, I'm sorry if I've been neglecting my little wife..."

He's going in for another kiss, but you pull away with reluctance, you're attracted to your husband after all

You pull on his cheek and sigh, hugging his neck as you lean back to look at him

"Alastor, you know I hate it when you lie to me..."

Now he feels bad, he hates disappointing his wife like this...

"I suppose I have been a bit out of sorts..."

So he does his best to explain to you his uncertainty in your life, wondering if you've simply settled for him because you died

If you would choose your old life over him if ever given the chance, or leave him for a chance at heaven with people from your old life

He won't look at you the entire time he says this, leaning into you and hiding his face in your neck

Just run your fingers through his hair, maybe rub his ears a little, and listen to him vent

He doesn't like being open and vulnerable

"Oh darling, I didn't even know what love really was until I met you. Being here in hell with you has been more fulfilling than any life I had before..."

Not him making a little deer bleat before growling out of embarrassment, clutching you a little tighter

"You wouldn't-"

"Alastor, if anybody even tries to make me leave you, I'll kill them myself."

That makes him chuckle, leaning back to finally look at you

"Oh, you twisted wonderful wife~"

He's literally immediately back to himself after that, almost as though none of it ever happened

You're always surprised by how quickly your husband recovers

Maybe it's just because he trusts you so much, your words alone were enough to reassure him of his place in your world

You meant every word

When your friend comes back to visit you, Alastor actually engages with them this time

He wants to know more about who you used to be now that his confidence in his marriage has been restored

The dude is literally walking around like he got laid for the first time

Angel...shut up...

Holds you close to him the entire time, relaxed as he listens to you and your friend go on about old times

"Wait...you jumped out of a third story window? While being chased by a man with one leg?"

"And LIVED!"

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO I HOPE YOU LIKE IT

[chikaras-garden]

Batboys as your sugar daddy pt. 2

Don’t you know you’re his?

Pairings: Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Damian Wayne x fem!reader

Contains: Sugar daddies. Possessive, controlling men. Power imbalances. They’re all a little toxic. Allusions to daddy kink in Jason’s.

Notes: So quick. Very short. I said “one” and wrote three. I’m a giver. 18+ or you’ll be blocked. I don’t usually do part 2s unless I want to, so please don’t request them—thank you!

DICK GRAYSON 💋

Standing behind you, Dick dangles a breathtakingly dainty pendant in front of your face. You can feel his smile in the way he holds you: hands on your hips, chest puffed up with pride, lips against your temple. 

“I got you this,” he says. “You’ll wear it for me, won’t you?”

Mesmerized, you reach out and touch the stone. No, it’s not his name, not even his initial, but a perfectly cut, dark blue-green gemstone nestled in your favorite shade of gold. Dick’s not the flashiest of men—yes, you look at him and instantly know that he’s wealthy, but he has nothing to flaunt because his confidence is as easy as breathing. 

But he is possessive. Almost everything you own is blue now—because he thinks it’s funny to be so on-the-nose about a secret only a select few people know. He doesn’t care who else knows that you’re his, no; it’s that you know you’re his, so much so that straying isn’t even a thought in your pretty head.

Why would you, when he spoils you so?

JASON TODD 💋

“Are you going to be a good girl and ride my thigh?”

Jason doesn’t give you the chance to answer. It’s not that you can’t; he know you can. You’re his smart girl, his clever baby. You could solve all the world’s problems if you set your mind to it; you just don’t need to.

Because Jason takes care of things for you. That’s why, even though he asks, it’s while he already has his hands on your hips to drag you, pants and panties off, back and forth over his muscled thigh.

When he brings you close to his chest, he pressed playful, teasing kisses against your mouth; his eyes are alight with mischief, darkly sparkling in a way that invites you to get lost in them. In him.

Sensation climbs and your mind goes hazy, but that’s okay. Jason’s here. He always will be. Always within arm’s reach, always ready to give you his full attention—hands, lips, cock—at the drop of a hat. No matter where you are, you’re his, and he wouldn’t allow it to be any other way.

DAMIAN WAYNE 💋

“Can you behave?” Damian asks in a tone that suggests he knows you can’t.

It’s his fault, really; he sets impossible rules knowing you’ll break them, just because you and he both want to find out what happens. Your lover is brutal, yes, and ruthless—but most importantly, he is fair. He answers every one of your whims before you even say the word.

“I can,” you insist, tilting your head in search of his lips. Behind you, he leans away, holding you in place with a firm grip on your hip and shoulder.

When you whine that you can’t reach him, he tuts, chuckles, and cups your jaw in one hand. “Do you know what the word means?”

Behave, you think. Of course you know what the word means. Everyone does.

But then he murmurs, voice low in your ear and breath warm on your skin, “Should I show you?”

[occamstfs]

Actually, They're Called Tetrominoes

Been holding out on some kinda Video Game trigger, here's a bit of an odd Russian cultural/racial TF, enjoy! -Occam

Michael could stand to be a more pleasant person. Day to day he is a pretty run of the mill head-down kinda guy, amicable but never really goes out his way to chat or make friends. Instead he finds his free time often used to prowl the internet looking for people to torment online in whatever way he finds funny at the moment. Born too late to be a goon on SomethingAwful he typically pages through Reddit threads and communities looking for someone sensitive or cartoonishly argumentative.

This is precisely where he finds himself tonight, being a pedant on some video game thread that he doesn’t truly care about. Some presumably Russian user, u/ZandrIvnov, seems to be quite proud of Tetris which Michael finds incredibly amusing. As an American he too takes pride in many of the cultural exports and ideas that his nation has sent into the world, including many of the deeply entrenched ideas about the Russian and Soviet people taught in world history. It takes especially little for him to decide to start taunting and baiting this man sitting at his keyboard a world away.

Michael launches petty taunts at the Russian, poking fun at his nationality and Eastern Europe at large, stopping short at making fun of the man’s less than perfect English, for now at least. Michael switches between accounts to upvote his responses and even add additional dunks on the Tetris-fan as needed. Try as he might though to get the conversation away from the ancient game and get some more personal and profane digs in there he finds it difficult to find any truly satisfying or clever insults.

Getting tired of hearing this man assert Russian superiority he prepares to pull the ripcord and move on before he sees the Russian misstep talking about the game he’s so invested in, as probably the only fun fact he has on deck comes to mind. After the Russian so eloquently compares Michael’s head to a Tetris piece Michael immediately replies, “okay lol big fan huh they’re actually called tetrominoes” and then moves on to find some other doofus to bully on the internet.

On the other side of the screen Sasha seethes at the man, so juvenile in his mockery “Проклятые американцы. (Fucking Americans.)” He takes to his own keyboard messaging Michael directly as his arrogant messages dry up in the thread proper, Sasha was going to have him put his money where his mouth was. He offers a challenge, “u americans are so proud da? how about we see whos country rly is the best”

Michael felt his pulse rise in excitement at how much he has truly bothered this man. Smug smile on his face as he types his response, “what did u have in mind, Zander?”

“Саша(Sasha) is my name. since u are so smart about tetris, why not see who is actual master of game da?” Sasha offers, knowing already that the troll is sure to accept out of pride alone. Michael wasn’t all that much of a gamer but surely he could show this dweeb what’s what yeah? He starts looking up tips to win Tetris as he replies “sure whatever dude, what are u thinkin”

Sasha smirks as he has Michael right where he wants him, “loser agrees with winner about national superiority? should not be problem if you americans are so good at every thing” Michael was already eager to give it a go and Sasha’s taunt only makes him all the more raring to go. Before he can even pause his meager attempt to study strategy, Sasha sends over a link to the game and Michael clicks over to play, leaving the cheat sheet open on a second monitor. 

Michael types his name into the game and finds himself looking at a familiar screen. He’s never played the game competitively but it’s a pretty simple game right? He just needs to keep his cool once the pieces start flying in. He gets the cheeky idea to check the cheat sheet in between pieces. That’s that good-old red white and blue ingenuity, Michael thinks. Unaware that these are of course also of the Russian flag. There’s a ping from the board as Sasha uses the in game chat to ask “u understand the rules da”

Michael sends back a thumbs up and Sasha sets the game going. It is predictably uneventful at the beginning, neither man making any particularly interesting plays. Michael continues to skim how to best cheat the game while Sasha waits for the perfect moment to fuck him over. Michael finds himself enjoying the game more than he thought he would as he hears the familiar tune, it is awfully catchy isn’t it? He’s gotta hand it to the soviets for that. His gameplay slows down as he tries to speedread the page on his other monitor. Instead of forcing pieces quickly he instead lets them drift slowly while his board is relatively clear. Sasha sees this and decides to go in for the kill.

Suddenly as Michael’s eyes wander away from the game for just a second too long there is an unfamiliar sound. He darts his attention back only to see the floor of his Tetris board rocket up in response to Sasha doing an impossibly well timed combo of lines. Michael’s heartbeat increases at a shocking rate in response as losing becomes a very real possibility. Why is he so upset? His face grows red as he realizes just how outclassed he is. Obviously this is no big deal right? Just a game. But Michael cannot help but feel physically uncomfortable as the tides start to turn so swiftly. 

There is suddenly a crick in his neck that he stretches to avail but only exacerbates as a soreness begins to spread further across his body. Man is he tensing up too much? It’s just, it’s just a game right? Trying to calm down he is hit with the thought as if it were a shot of adrenaline that he absolutely cannot lose this game. His eyebrows furrow as they begin to square and thicken, casting dark shadows over his rage-filled eyes. His limbs take turns cramping as he clenches his neck and jaw to distract from the pane, not noticing as the structure of his face begins to change. 

His chest grows to join the chorus of muscle spasms as Michael struggles to keep up with even Sasha’s slower gameplay. Across the seas Sasha takes his time, knowing victory is in the bag, and savoring what he knows must be happening to his little troll Michael right now. He smirks as he imagines the discomfort in Michael’s changing body as he feels warmth grow in his own chest, and crotch, as he decides just how much he wants to play with his food. 

Back in the states Michael finds the heat, the sweat, the tightness of his clothes increasingly unbearable. As he continues to mash buttons on his remote he is too intent on the game to notice as hair begins to darken around his forearms and begin to snake its way towards his hands. He rubs them each down to placate the tickle on his growing arms. This is absolutely nothing to the creeping itch that is starting to encompass the entirety of his rapidly expansive legs. He shifts his heavier thighs trying to soothe the discomfort, making a loud sound as they pull away from the sweat sticking them to the chair but not allaying the soreness or itch in the slightest.

He grunts and notices not how his voice has grown both deeper and gruffer in his throat. Michael struggles to keep the remote from slipping out of his hands as sweat trickles down from his hairy arms and into his palms. Before it becomes a problem however Michael takes advantage of the lull in Sasha’s gameplay and tries to quickly remove his far too strained shirt. It should be a simple task after all, just put the remote down for a second, slide it off, and then back to the game. He does a brief check in to ensure he has even that and after believing he does Michael starts to try and remove the shirt strained and sticking to his skin.

He has precious little time as the pieces continue to fall at their set pace in game. He gets one hand under the hem of his shirt and tries to wrench it while keeping his other hand on the controller, this lets in a breeze of cold air sending quivers of pleasure across his pulsating muscle, as well as igniting a burning ache in his chest and torso. His upper body grows even further, finally overfilling his shirt as the sound of tears ring out in his bedroom alongside the same repetitive folk song he knows well. The idea that this shirt was loose fitting when he threw it on this morning or that he just identified the Tetris theme as a folk song rather than an 8-bit annoyance don’t have a chance to come to mind as he struggles to remain focused on not losing the game.

He pulls the shirt up to his chest before it gets uncomfortably stuck “Ach, bog uh- god damnit.” He scratches at his chest as the soreness and growing muscle makes way for a fiery prickling as the few chest hairs he has been a tad ashamed of begin to thicken and darken on his chest. Swirling out from his nipples and inching higher on his chest with each breath, he continues to struggle to remove himself mindlessly. Finding his shirt caught on his expansive pecs he rubs his hand underneath it across his sweaty chest, and finding it pleasurably drag through more hair on his pecs than he would’ve sworn he had in his pubes, he resolves to remove the shirt however he can. 

As soon as he finishes a line Michael tosses the remote down and goes to raise his shirt above his head, his thicker arms struggling as they adjust to their new range of motion. He wrests the tight shirt above his head, his chest bursting large once more, freed from the garment as the breeze tickles the sweat covered chest hair and forces his enlarged nipples to harden. Having overcome his suddenly massive pecs the neckline is now caught on his chin, his arms raised high above his head expose his pits to the cold open air. He feels the air con blow against his recently shaved pits as the hair begins to grow back. It starts to catch as the hair begins to grow thicker and longer than it had ever done before, curling together as new hairs begin to push out and form a bush thick enough to never see the skin beneath again.

This also brings his attention to new development in his body, with his face shoved into his shirt it would be impossible not to notice the unbecoming amount of sweat soaking it. Arms raised though he finally notices that he has an altogether far more powerful scent, on par with a macro-obsessed body builder or hygiene-phobic wild man. Michael feels a beard start to push out into the shirt still hugging his face. Shaving once a month was more than enough to keep him clean shaven but now he knew deep in his mind that he would never have a day again where his face would be smooth. It’s that Ru- That American blood in him, right?

He begins to feel himself lost in the scent as his mind begins to grow distracted, attention fading from the game despite the looping tune filling his mind. He turns his head to smell his pits through his shirt which is when he hears the dreaded sound of Sasha making a combo once more, “Gah! Nyo, I can’t lose” he shouts, not noticing as his rough tone begins to develop a slight accent. Ending the long-standing struggle against his shirt he simply rips it off and jumps for the controller, ashamed at how foolish and lustful he has suddenly found himself in the middle of this all-important competition.

He needs to make his people proud! He cannot let Amerika down, ya? His focus and vision return to the game as he stumbles through one more line before all the pieces fall from view and the game declares Sasha the winner. Mikael reflexively pounds his table shouting, “Ny- no! I, this!” struggling to find any words to make his loss okay. Unable to notice just how bizarre this game has affected him, though sure that something grave has occurred. He scrambles to the chat box where he sees Sasha has yet again beaten him to the punch, “gg Брат(brother) yes?”

Mikael’s eyes don’t even notice the language switch in the message as he quickly races to demand a rematch. Punching keys slower than the career-cyberbully is accustomed to, almost as if he would be more comfortable with a different keyboard format, slowly he punches his response “one more best dva out of tri ya?” Sasha laughs out loud seeing Mikael suddenly typing out anglicized Russian. He smirks and squeezes his crotch in excitement at just how far this American brat has fallen into his hands. Sasha responds in full Russian knowing that Mikael may as well already be his countryman. “конечно, почему бы и нет, брат (sure why not, brother)”

Mikael smiles as he prepares for yet another go against Sasha, he’s eager to learn from his, uh? Suddenly he can’t quite remember how he knows Sasha exactly as his memories of his persistent pathetic history of being a troll begins to fade from his mind. As the Tetris theme starts once more with the game Mikael finds himself singing along as the words to the folk song it is based on, blushing at the vulgarity therein.

The race is on once more and though he was sure this was a competition against his friend, no, his брат(brother), Sasha, He can’t help but feel a giddiness as the game progresses. He feels a warmth in his chest just from playing a game of his childhood, of his country? No he’s a born and bred statesman da? He’s from, uh Moscow is a city in one of the states too da? Though he finds himself distracted his body continues to expertly control the game subconsciously.

He blushes as he struggles to remember where he grew up, it was a smaller town for sure. Somewhere very far North for sure, after all why else would he grow so hairy! He launches into a hearty laugh as body hair continues to push out from every pore in his body, sure to be peaking out from every shirt collar on both sides. He scratches at his pubes as it becomes clear that even besides his massive package there will evermore be a bulge in his pants from this unkept jungle as well. 

His eyes continue to follow the pieces up and down as they slowly begin to lighten and bleach themselves an icy blue. The itchiness that has made itself at home through the whole of its body is replaced with a burning pleasure as he thinks oh his home. Full days where there is only sun, long treks into the city to visit St. Basil’s, helping his mother fry pirozhki. The hair atop his head bleaches itself a sandy blonde while still thickening and pulling itself short as a lightbulb goes off in his head his voice rumbles in his chest as he reflexively speaks in what must be his mother tongue, “Конечно! я спрошу у Саши (Of course! I’ll just ask Sasha).” 

He goes to pause the game as he now knows he can do and types to Sasha in chat, “hey брат, wher am i от again?” Sasha smirks at just how easy this was stopping short from fully masturbating as he thinks of his new massive countryman living a world away as he replies, “недалеко от Москвы, Миша (just outside of Moscow, Misha).”

Misha’s eyes glaze over as he reads this, the room around him changes, American flags familiar patterns shift into the Russian tricolor. Any writing within the room shifts from English to the cyrillic alphabet and Misha sits there with a smile as he recalls his home. Long winters working alongside his best friend Sasha. His neck thickens and his waist expands as he thinks of long nights drinking alongside his friends to abate the cold. The game of Tetris continues on and he again feels a warmth in his chest at the chance to play with his dearest Друг(friend) Sasha.

For the life of him he can’t quite remember why he has moved to Америки though he is sure that Sasha will know. Sasha always knows the right thing to do. One thing is for sure though, he is going to do his Motherland proud.

[celestialprincesse]

🧚‍♀️🪷

John Price with a younger, bratty girlfriend (who's living the dream) 💕

nsfw below the cut 🌸 mdni

She's absolutely smart as a whip, clever and funny and beautiful, and not shy about it either. She's by no means cocky, just comfortably self assured.

John adores her for her intellect and quick wit, and she adores him equally for his pensive calmness and generally comforting, dominant presence.

Occasionally, she'll get a little too big for her boots, understandably so with how John dotes on her unconditionally.

Sometimes, the only way to keep her in check is with a hand gripped tight to the scruff of her neck to physically bring her back to him.

A growled "You gonna behave?" in her ear has her thighs tingling and pussy wet. Immediately.

Me too tho

She loves to fuck with him. Loves. it. She'll intentionally make eyes at random people in the bar just to get John's attention (and rile him up a bit)

The moment another woman looks at him though? Yea no, she's all over him, draped on his lap, guiding his hands to her ass and getting all huffy and pouty when she doesn't immediately get what she wants.

The moment they get home, he's got her flung over his knee like a petulant child, chucking his rings carelessly on the table whilst the other hand discards of her underwear. "If you lose count it's ten more." He'll growl cruelly, not hesitating to land a firm slap on her ass, even as she whimpers and cries out.

He'll give her a nice rough fuck, just to remind her who's in charge, denying her orgasms and giving her no warning when his cock pounds mercilessly against her cervix, making her cry and squeal, fingers digging into the sheets for some stability.

He makes her say his name, thank him when he finally lets her cum, watching the way she gets all stuttery and embarrassed. "Not so brave now, are y' love?"

When she comes back to him after the shower, all sniffly and apologetic, he just scoops her into his arms and combs his fingers through her damp hair as she falls asleep, whispering his love for her into the crown of her head.

[sukunasweetheart]

after learning that sukuna canonly speaks in an elegent and poetic way and uses old japanese terms (that sadly gets lost in translation) i can’t stop thinking of him being a literature or terminology professor😖 like this man would say romantic things to you out of nowhere and you’re like “what?🥴” and he says “what? what’s the big deal🤨”

no bc picture sukuna with glasses and a coffee in one hand, wearing an awfully smart outfit, his passion for jujutsu replaced with passion for literature, a tall mf who has an unapproachable aura in every way possible

his classes are by no means, for the weak. high demand, but high results. meaning, if you successfully endure and manage to grit your teeth through his assignments and harsh, but reasonable critique, you will have attained something very valuable from the experience, because this man expects nothing but the best from students who sit through his classes and want to learn about the art of literature + poetry

so many college students develop a crush on him, despite his difficult personality...

his lovelife is rather stagnant, however. literature professor!sukuna is too careful about who he brings into his life, being mostly uninterested in romance and the turmoil it brings to a person. he isn't fond of the idea that he could be potentially swayed so easily by one singular person. how awful would it be that your entire mood could depend on one individual? he was pretty content with spending the rest of his life as a single man, so be it.

but really, nobody is immune to the nature of falling in love... it can be something that happens at the snap of one's fingers. or it can be gradual, like a slow but firm tug that pulls you in closer towards someone. it can occur almost violently, and you might find yourself thrashing frantically against the net that you've gotten tangled up in. or, it can occur in a way that is as elegant and gentle as how one handles their most beloved books, flipping through each page without leaving as much as a crease behind...

for sukuna, all the boxes can be ticked off. falling in love with you, a fellow professor, was like experiencing all of these at once. the realisation hit like a bolt of lightning, when he caught himself... smiling? when he was reading an email of yours. he had to take off his glasses and pinch the bridge of his nose for that one. there was no way. it happens this quickly?

it's hard to say whether he fell in deep from the start, or if happened more like sinking slowly, helpless, in quicksand. either way, it didn't matter whether he tried to struggle or not, he was only plummeting further.

it only hurt him when he tried to distance himself away. it only hurt him when he tried holding himself back from contacting you. it seemed like everything he did in attempt to quell the thrumming in his heart, only came back to hurt him.

it started off as emails between two professional colleagues. but eventually, it developed into polite follows onto each other's social media accounts. and almost inevitably, personal numbers were then exchanged after much talking in dms. it was very funny, seeing his empty shell of an instagram account, no posts or even a profile picture in place. such clever and well pronounced prose coming from a colourless account.

let's not get into the moment where he first experienced your touch. when handing him a novel, you brushed fingers with him, and sukuna felt a strange tingle that travelled down his spine.

many instances come- where an overwhelming desire to pull you close to him by the waist, grasps him by the throat. the conflicting compulsion and urge to wreck you, but also having the need to treat you like he would a fragile butterfly.

he goes out drinking with you, one evening. already a dangerous move.

in a soft, but a little busy area in maybe a small, cheap restaurant where the two of you are residing. both of you a little tipsy, but not drunk. tipsy enough for lingering gazes. tipsy enough for the little unnoticeable but definitely noticeable touches. tipsy enough to bring out the vulnerability to seep out of yours and his eyes.

you and him, confined in a little cosy and invisible bubble… all and every noise that's made outside of it sounds muffled.

the tilting of your head as you look at him with a flirtatious smile, the reach of your delicate fingers approaching his cheek slowly, but then retracting because you're still unsure, because you're only tipsy.

and he, with his mellow eyes, grabs onto your hand before you can get away. why don't you commit? his searing hot palm clasps over your skin, and it captures you in every way possible.

and you're doing it again. you're batting your eyelashes at him, tempting him into doing something definitively irreversible. now that he's touched you, he can't compel himself to let go. you've done it now. there's nothing he can do to stop this.

your eyes follow as he reaches for his own glasses, still holding onto your hand, grip so firm yet so gentle. sukuna takes them off. carefully places them onto the table. the next order of events should have been so painfully obvious, but it still didn't fail in making your heart pound within your ribcage.

he kisses you so feverishly. he palms your jawline with great tenderness, bringing you in impossibly closer. so enraptured, so infatuated, so sweet. he holds your hand tighter, gliding his large thumb over it.

it brings him an intense amount of joy, touching you like this. it's addicting. and he never wants to let go again. he's a selfish man at heart, already claiming you as his internally, because you enthrall him and induce such pleasure like no one before. oh, how aggravating. but also, simply delightful.

it's time he brought you home. if you've caught someone up in your web, it's only right you take responsibility. will you consume him? or will he do it first?

after this string of events, sukuna is most definitely no longer a single man. having a lover around has its merits, and its disadvantages. but never does the bad outweigh the good, at least when it comes to you.

maybe he'll write an excerpt about you. a little free verse poem. beautifully worded, but incredibly abstract. nobody could guess how it all ties back to you. not even yourself, perhaps. but that's what sukuna intended. he's satisfied with keeping this secret to himself.

you'd think having such a mellow lovelife would also transfer the same softness into his lectures, and assignments. wrong. as a professor, he's still as prickly as ever.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I'll always be a bit blown away by the effectiveness of Stede's "I love everything about you."

The first thing Ed says when he thinks of his cons for staying alive in the Gravy Basket is he doesn't think there's anyone waiting for him. He's afraid he's unlovable and he hates himself. He struggles to even know how to define himself, what with all the shit other people keep hurling at him (half-insane, thick as pig shit, unpleasant shell of a man, namby-pamby in a silk gown, etc.).

But what a perfect, affirming response to all those things Stede just comes up with so easily. "I love everything about you." Stede knows that Ed is imperfect, he loves all the flawed bits just the same, because they're still Ed. And then the things he follows that up with! "Just being near you. Breathing the same air." If he'd said he loved some of Ed's best qualities, "I love how smart/attractive/funny/clever/witty/kind/gentle/etc. you are," then Ed's self-hatred and doubt would have made it hard for him to believe it. But Stede makes it immediately clear that he just loves being with Ed, just being near him, just being close to him.

Stede's love is completely unconditional. It doesn't require Ed to behave any certain way, or do anything specific, or try to live up to an idea of some trait Stede likes about him. He just loves Ed, no conditions, and I can imagine how tremendously healing that must have been to hear, for Ed to know that Stede loves him, and he doesn't have to do anything to earn it, and it's so unconditional that nothing he does could ever make that love go away.

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 琅琊榜/Nirvana in Fire.

Nirvana in Fire is a 2015 historical series best described as either a complicated succession drama set in the premodern Chinese imperial palace, or the story of a man who didn't die a decade ago and has decided to make it everyone else's problem.

And really, I almost feel silly giving my glib little summary, because Nirvana in Fire is so well-known of a property. It's a classic for a reason, and that reason is that it's legitimately very good. This show is what happens when you adapt a solid story, get a bunch of very talented actors, and throw a huge amount of money at it. It's incredibly popular and highly acclaimed, and it earned all of the hype.

Still, while I bet there are few people adjacent to c-drama stuff who've never heard of Nirvana in Fire, I'm sure there are plenty who haven't watched it. After all, it looks like one of those slow, serious shows with a lot of ponderous talking and no joy. If that's the impression you've been given, I could imagine looking at the 54-episode commitment and saying, I don't need that in my life.

I am here to tell you you're wrong. It is a banger of a show. It's tense. It's funny. It's heartbreaking. It’s exceptionally clever. It’s jaw-droppingly stupid. It’s romantic. It’s tragic. It has smart plots and bizarre subplots. And that's not even touching the thing with the yeti.

So in case you're one of those people who's heard of Nirvana in Fire, but has put off watching it for one reason or another, I'm here with five reasons I think you should try it.

1. Epic Shit

Did you like the Lord of the Rings? More specifically, did you really like the second Peter Jackson film? Great, then you're all set for this.

I guess I could have called this Game of Thrones without the dragons, but that's not actually the vibe at all. Game of Thrones is much more sensational and salacious, with all the blood and butts and what-not. The Tolkien comparison is more apt, I think, because Nirvana in Fire is equally about as wholesome as you can get in a property where dudes are still getting stabbed all the time.

This is a show about vengeance. And yeah, justice for the fallen, sure, that's fine too. But mostly it's about a bunch of good people joining forces to make sure the bastards who did wrong pay, with their lives as necesary.

The problem, though, is that these bastards are incredibly powerful, which means that a pure brute-force approach isn't going to work. Accordingly, this quickly becomes a story about the power of smart teamwork to exact retribution on some people who can (and did!) legally get away with murder -- and our heroes are some of the people with their necks most on the line if anything goes wrong.

Don't let the Middle Earth comparison fool you into thinking this is all epic swordfights. It's not. (I mean, for one thing, as well-funded as this project is, it doesn't have Peter Jackson Money.) The vast majority of the tension in the show comes from dialogue and slow, terrible realizations. The fight scenes are almost a relief from the nail-biting intensity of intimate conversations about getting a letter from somebody's ex-wife or returning a book.

All told, the show has that incredible almost-RPG vibe of going through all the little subquests and cutscenes you find along the way to defeat the final boss. The plot carefully unravels a multi-tendriled mystery told to you by people in incredible costumes. It doesn't get much more epic than that.

(Nirvana in Fire is also a cautionary tale about how you should be very careful with who gets invited to your birthday party.)

2. A chronically ill protagonist

Okay, right in the first episode, it is established that the main character has three whole completely different names and an old nickname. I'm going to call him Mei Changsu for the duration of this rec post, but let the record show that I could just have easily gone with one of the other three.

What you learn in that same first episode is that Mei Changsu used to be a palace insider, the cocky son of a noble family, only now nearly everyone he used to know thinks he's dead. Also, he's not far off from being actually dead -- he has an unspecified terminal condition that's mostly managed, provided he stays in his little mountain hideaway with his handsome doctor bestie and doesn't return to his old stomping ground and start kicking over hornets' nests.

So guess what he's about to do.

I have to make a note of how brilliant the casting is here: Hu Ge is an action actor! He is a kickpuncher of a man! And I think it's great that you can sort of see his frustration, as well as Mei Changsu's, at having to spend the whole series wrapped in countless layers of fabric and/or lying in bed while everyone around him gets to be the badass action heroes.

Mei Changsu's not faking it, either -- he's actually dying. He expends his energy where he thinks it's necessary, and sometimes that means he has to spend the following week in bed. He's constantly frustrated with himself for what he can't do anymore. He's racing a clock, and that clock is his own failing body. If he dies, the only hope anyone here has for justice dies with him.

He gets two love interests that the show treats pretty much equally. One's a lady general who wasn't even a love interest in the book. The other's the handsome prince who was initially going to be his textual romantic partner in same book, until the author hopped genres from danmei to general historical drama. I can't even call this a love triangle, because there's no competition. He just gets a wife and a husband -- in that he gets neither, because circumstances and his own illness keep him distant from them. He lies to both of then about his condition (among other things). He wants to be with them both and knows he can't be with either. And they in turn have to learn to accept what of him they can and can't have.

(Also, Nihuang (her) and Jingyan (him) are both incredibly gorgeous, which is exactly what bisexual genius Mei Changsu deserves.)

Obviously this isn't a perfect representation of life with chronic illness, largely because Mei Changsu is an incredily wealthy man who lives in a universe with what's basically magic medicine. However, I've seen the story's treatment of him and his condition resonate with a lot of chronically ill viewers, so even with the fantasy layer on it, there's definitely something there.

3. Dave

I have already told the story of how Meng Zhi became "Dave," but long story short, he's such a Dave that I legitimately forget his character's real name. He embodies Daveness. He's The Ultimate Dave.

Dave is an excellent fighter, a loyal friend -- and a terrible liar. He's possbly the only straightforward character in the entire show. When he's asked to be duplicitous, he's comically bad at it. Dave will never do a heel turn. I was misled at first by his semi-evil facial hair, but I have seen the error of my ways. Dave is pure lawful good.

And the reason I list Dave as such a selling point is that having a Dave means you always know what's going on. This is because Dave never knows what's going on, and he has no ego about that, so he asks questions, and other characters have to explain to him what just happened, and that is how you figure out what's going on.

It's an incredibly smart move on the drama's part, because some of the (very fun) schemes are so complicated that there's no way for you, the viewer, to understand them just by watching. Without the internal monologues and omniscent narration of a book, the machinations are opaque. You need things explained -- but why would the schemers explain their schemes? Well, Dave needs some exposition, so here you go.

So if you're worried that you might be left feeling stupid by a show where so many sneaky people are hatching so many complex plans, worry not! Like the good man he is, Dave has your back.

4. A Million Amazing Antagonists

If you like bad guys, this is a show for you. This show has brilliant bad guys all the way down. It has bad guys at every turn. It has bad guys for every taste. Welcome to Big Liang's Big Bad Guy Emporium, where we guarantee you'll walk out of here with a bad guy you like, or your money back!

(And yes, this set of pictures is also to say that their costume budget was entirely well-spent.)

Without getting too far into spoilers, I will say that the basic situation underlying the whole series is this: The emperor has done a lot of bad things, and he has enlisted a bunch of people's help in hiding those bad things, so much so that many of those other people have done even more bad things the emperor didn't even know about -- and then everyone has gone to great lengths to cover those up as well. Our protagonists spend the whole series unraveling this colossal shitshow and bringing people to task for their crimes.

So really, if you're going to spend 54 episodes taking down the baddies, they've got to be baddies you love to see taken down. And these are -- in part because all of them have crystal-clear, rock-solid motivations for their actions. Nobody here is a moustache-twirling comic-book-villain baddie. They're all bad for reasons that are very understandable in their individual contexts. And not a single one of them is going to go down without a fight.

5. World's Best Mom

(Sidebar: The fact that four out of five of my reasons to watch the show are individual or groups of characters should be your strongest indicator that this is an intensely character-driven story.)

This is not a Dead Mom Show. Okay, some moms are dead, but mostly this is a Moms Are Alive And Often Cause Problems Show, which is a lot of what makes the palace drama so delicious. But there is one Good Mom who stands out above all the rest: Consort Jing.

Played with perfect grace and devastating politeness by the stunning Liu Mintao, Consort Jing is a skilled doctor and excellent baker who starts the show with a low-level status among the women of the palace. She swallows down all kinds of mistreatment because she's not in a place to oppose it -- and when she can retaliate, it must only be through soft power. She loves her jock son with all her heart, but because of both their relatively poor positions in the hierarchy, she doesn't get to see him all that much. She wants to be an asset to him, while all the time she has to fear becoming a liability.

She is also the smartest person in any room that she's in, unless she's in a room with Mei Changsu, and even then it may be a tie.

There are lots of great characters in the show that I could have highlighted here, and plenty of them are women, but Consort Jing in particular never ceases to impress me. She is trapped in a gilded cage, married to a man who [lengthy list of spoilers that are traumatic to her in particular], and held hostage by how every time she even looks like she's out of line, it puts both her and her boy in danger. She's the most vulnerable of any of our good guys. Kind of like Wang Zhi, she's got to be clever or she's dead.

Consort Jing is not part of Mei Changsu's original plan. She figures out his plan and makes herself part of it -- and entirely remotely, as she and he aren't even in the same room until episode 40 or so. She puts herself in great danger to make sure he succeeds, not because it will necessarily do her any good, but because Jingyan needs him. This woman has been captain of the Mei Changsu/Jingyan ship for like twenty years already.

Oh, and did I mention her outfits?

I love you, Consort Mom.

Are you ready to watch it yet?

Get it on Viki! Get it on YouTube! Get it on YouTube but in a different playlist! (And also maybe get it on Amazon? Not in my region, but maybe in yours.)

I will warn you that it does take off running -- I think I saw someone say it introduces nineteen characters in the first episode? I was worried that I'd be too innundated by situations and flashbacks and names to be able to follow. By the second or third episode, though, I was rolling with it. So if you feel like you're struggling at the beginning, stick with it a bit. See if you don't feel it start to click.

...Man, reading over this post has left me going, oh, but I missed that! and that! and that guy! And yeah, the truth is that there are just so many great things about the show that limiting myself to only five (and being limited to only thirty images) was tough. I'm sure that people reblogging will add their own must-see elements.

Truly, this is a show that deserves its reputation. It may not be for everyone, but if this is the kind of thing that you like, it is a shining example of that thing.

Besides, you have to love a production where everyone was clearly having just a whole lot of fun being big ol' costumed dorks.

[zoesmp4]

hiiii i’ll throw my other hat in the ring and give you a thg req!!

angst to comfort fic because why not

but like reader is from district 7 and won the 73rd games, and much like lucy gray, used their wits and charm to win the games. and GOD FORBID SNOWS PAST COMES BACK TO HAUNT HIM they end up in the same room with finnick during the ring, and they grow closer and end up making a bond and falling in love

fast forward to the sewer, and reader sees finnick struggling with the mutts as katniss tries to usher them out of the sewer as reader is screaming and fighting to get back to him and eventually runs straight into the pile, almost dying

anyway they wake up losing an arm, but with finnick asleep at her side 🩶🩶

LOVE U BAEEEE

YOU’RE OKAY “look at me, you’re okay.” finnick odair x fem!reader

tags: blood, swearing, htc, violence, use of y/n

a/n: hii pooksters, i have retuned from the dead w/ my first thg fic!! req from my bae gracie, i changed up the losing the arm part because i didn’t really know if i could write it well, so im super sorry for that :( i don’t know how i feel ab this one, but i hope you enjoy!!

god, how you hated the hunger games. you weren’t expecting to be back, but here you were. 

when you had won the 73rd hunger games, you thought that was the end. you thought you could just return to your district, and forget all about the mortifying experience. 

but you were wrong. so wrong. all of that work, all of the trauma? useless. all of your efforts just didn’t matter. your charm and cleverness played a huge role in helping you to win the games. you thought you were smart, but you werent. you were stupid to think the capitol would leave you alone.

they would never ever leave you alone. they couldn’t give you a fucking break. here they were, trying to kill you, again.

them being them, they tried to make it different this time. they decided to make everyone room with tributes from different districts. 

you knew they wanted to cause stuff between everyone. but you weren’t gonna let them get what they want. you told yourself you were just gonna have to deal with whoever you got. 

to your luck, you were paired up with the “golden boy.” finnick odair, in the flesh. hooray. 

you thought it would suck. back in the hunger games once again, and rooming with this guy? it seemed like hell. that was until you started to get to know him better.

finnick was surprisingly sweet. really sweet. he was also funny. and you couldn’t deny it, he was really attractive. “what are you looking at?” you said, noticing how his gaze was directed towards your lips.

“nothing, your smile is just really pretty.” he replied. you felt your cheeks start to heat up. “what, cat got your tongue?” he taunted, a smirk forming on his face. “you wish. goodnight finnick.” you said, trying to hide the fact that you were flustered. 

little did you know, you and him would form quite a complex relationship.

“you win.” he said, while you two were perched in front of a tree, the leaves rustling with every slight movement. both of your partners had died by now. it was just katniss, peeta, you, and him in a truce. 

you brought your head up and looked at him. you two locked eyes before you opened your mouth to speak, “huh?” what was he talking about? “you win.” “i win what?” 

“my heart.” 

that’s all it took. that’s all it took for you to realize how much you really liked him. you can guess what happened after that. that’s right, you and finnick started dating during the games. 

from that moment on, you two swore to never let anything happen to the other. you both cared about each other too much to let that happen.

so when you were all fighting for your fucking life in that stupid tunnel, you were just trying to get back to finnick. katniss was trying her hardest to get you out, but you weren’t leaving until you knew finnick was okay. 

“y/n, you need to go now!” she yelled, holding you back, trying to help finnick herself. she prioritized everyone over herself, which was something you admired about her. but you needed to get him. 

“FINNICK!” you screamed, your voice echoing throughout the tunnel as you finally escaped from her grasp. you ran toward the pile of mutts, plunging your knife into one. “you shouldn’t be here!” finnick yelled, his voice strained with worry.

you ignored his pleading, continuing to fight with all your strength. as you clashed with the horrid creatures in the dimly lit tunnel, you felt fear and adrenaline pump into you. you thought it was going okay, until you felt a tug at your ankle.

“Y/N!” is all you heard before you were pulled down into the water by a mutt. you tried to fight back, but it was no use. suddenly, you felt sharp teeth sink into your stomach. 

it was a type of pain you hadn’t experienced in a long, long time. in a matter of seconds, finnick was at your side, fighting off the mutt which leaned on top of you. he was livid. 

you clutched your side, breathing heavily as a mixture of water and blood dripped down your body. finnick quickly took you into his arms, and eyed your protruding wound. he then reached out his hands to cradle your face. 

“you’re gonna be fine baby, i promise won’t let anything happen to you. jus- just stay awake.” he said, trying to keep his voice from trembling as he tried his best to hurry to the ladder where everyone else was, you still engulfed in his arms. 

“i-i can’t. i don’t think m’ gonna make it.” you struggle to get out, tears starting to stream down your face. he wasn’t gonna let this happen. “hey, look at me.” he said, trying to reassure you that you were going to be alright.

“look at me, you’re okay.” 

that was all you could remember. everything else was a blur after that. you can remember faint yelling, but you can’t quite decipher what was being said. 

you woke up beside finnick. he had his arm wrapped around your body, and your faces were inches apart. your wound was all patched up, but it was still painful. hey, look on the bright side though. finnick had kept his promise. he made sure things got better. 

you were okay. 

[ivanzplaid]

okay a bit of an odd request but my way of flirting is oddly threatening like “i want to hallow out your chest and live in your rib cage :((“ to me it’s endearing 🙏 and i totally want to see slasher hc on how they’d react !! idc what slashers you use and you can be as silly as u want !! i think it’d be funny with Stu though ^^

hi!! dont sorry about odd requests, i love seeing everybodies ideas, and i love this!! im also so excited about me choosing the slashers so ill pick a variety🫶

slashers will includdeee; Baby Firefly, Otis Driftwood, RZ Michael Myers, Billy Lenz, Stu Matcher

Slashers x Gn! Reader | Odd Flirting

Warnings: Language, Fluff, mentions of murder

------------------------------------------------------------

Baby Firefly

oh she thinks its hilarious

you share a twisted sense of love? shes giggling at every sentence and comment you say, a hand hovering over her mouth to try to calm herself

she never thought if flirting like that before, but now that shes heard it shes as into it as you are

"You're too clever sweetheart! I woulda never thought of it like that, hm <3"

it started when you were helping her eith makeup for a show, she was bedazzled with a beautiful dress and a gorgeous amount of makeup over her already pretty face

you put on her lipstick and mindlessly let it slip, and before you know it shes smiling confused, asking uou to repeat what you said

she sees you laugh nervously before repeating it, and all she does is think about it before smiling, kissing your cheek to leave a red lipstick print, and then wants to come up with her own

she always likes to hear them, because not only is it sentimental and intimate to her, she loves to have somebody who acts or thinks a little like her, so maybe the more twisted / odder the flirting, she feels secure and that she understands you

will pout when she cant think of any, itll come with time

she wants to say some to you to see how you react, ahe loves i serving you when it happens and laughing, then hugging you

she claims her inspiration came from "her smart little doll"

a kiss after every comment is complimentary of course

"Aren't you just the cutest, I always learn the most with you!"

//

Otis Driftwood

"Fuck did you just say to me Darlin?"

takes the compliment very differently than baby, he thinks of it more of the gruesome manner than the romantic aspect, you may have to explain it to him

even after that he thinks its hilarious, did you come up with that yourself? fuckin genius

he says them back witty, but he loves to tease you about it, making them in snarky tones and drawn out phrases

he thinks of them a lot in his free time, analyzing them deeper than anybody else would think of it, because while he agrees theres a closeness to it, he wants to know why

will write down every one you say, for multiple reasons

your compliments give him ideas on his art, specifically the human-genre work of his, but when he thinks of you while carving and cutting hes never been more at peace

asks you about them at night so he can laugh while youre dozing off in his chest

most likely began when you two were awake late in the night because you couldnt sleep, and some rare sweet talk was going on before you said it

"Jesus honey, say that again?"

hes always amused when you speak, he treasures every sentence

"Sugar I need you to repeat that one, I didn't quite catch that,"

--

"Y'know, I thought that was what came out of that damn witty mouth of yours!"

//

RZ Michael Myers

he doesnt quite get it, but since he doesnt recieve compliments a lot, he doesnt think too much of it

he thinks of it along side his favor of killing, so in a way he can see the gorier side of it, and since he doesnt see anything wrong with that, he doesnt mind your flirting

he imagines what you said as hes on one of his sprees, he thinks your mind is excellent because hes never had as much fun without your ideas like that

he probably tries to think about the deeper meaning behind it, reflecting it in his art, and giving it to you to show his form of endearment

hes not really capable of reproducing flirtation it to you, since be doesnt have a good idea of it, but he has his own ways of loving you back

he'll tap you with his knife to get your attention when these start up, maybe tapping your heart lightly with the tip of it when you turn to look at him

will 100% hold you so youll stay in place, its his version if quality time, he grasps your side firmly and stares in silence, he thinks its endearing

guides you by the shoulders to take you somewhere

he has no opinion on your comments, but they do affect how he shows affection in some ways <3

//

Billy Lenz

possibly in the top 3 for king of twisted flirtatious comments, you went to the right man

he is EXCITED when you say it, hes definitely thought of flirting like that but has never been able to put it into words

"Billy likes this! Billy's pretty piggy is smart <3"

he will now use this 24/7, its his thing now, he thinks of comments youve never thought of before

whenever he sees and greets you, or wishes you goodnight, its always a "Billy wishes he could live in his special piggy," or "Heartbeats make Billy jealous, he should be there" he thinks its so intimate and smart

competitions come up with who can come up with more, its his favorite activity, he loves to test and play with you

new things to the relationship make him so happy, so this is oerfect

whenever you say these things to him, its like his hyperactivity shoots up

your sincerity is near and dear to his heart, he craves it now, he loves when you supply it

overall this only closens the relationship and makes him feel more comfortable, you inspire him and hes overjoyed, this is his pride and joy

"Billy loves his smart piggy!!"

//

Stu Matcher

normally he'd be the king of saying the most outrageous shit possible, he loves to catch people off guard and make you have to pause before you say anything

so when you say say something about how you wanna live in his ribcage, bro looks at you for a good minute with this face: 😲

"well you won that game babe, what did you say???"

he laughs hysterically while being confused, because you just outwitted him

"woahhh.. totally a creepy vibe, i love that!"

he likes to mess with billy and everybody else about it, crediting you as the 'founder' of it while shaking you by your shoulders

he likes to write down new ideas and recite them back to you, having eachother rate the newest ones you think of

if were being real, he probably takes some ideas from his killing onto these so they can be more intimate, hes a creative man who sees opportunity in every corner

because its in the gag-business, he deep dives and makes a fake analysis of 'what makes these compliments better than the rest' and presents it to you

everytime you say another one he does have to pause to think about it, hes a goofy little guy but these comments are more complicated so give the fella some time to realize what you said

[laurashapiro-noreally]

Looking for something to read?

Oh look, it's another recs post! This time I'm featuring two stories per author. These are writers I always make time for, whose work stands out as unusually hot, clever, funny, or smart -- sometimes all of the above.

I'm gonna start you out strong with two by @werpiper: After Hours takes Aziraphale and Crowley to the baths after their oyster supper, and all sorts of interesting pleasures are there for our angel to sample. Piper's Crowley is one of my favorites: always evaluating the situation, not quite aware of what his own heart is doing but feeling it anyway.

Fitting In is a new story, still a WIP, but I am utterly tantalized by Muriel's first taste of love -- and tea. This is already rich in detail, soft and fragrant, and I can hardly wait for the action to get going in earnest. The pairing seems surprising but when you think about it for ten seconds of course it makes sense. Sex workers help the curious, the awkward, and the inexperienced every day, bless them.

If you enjoy these, check out @werpiper's back catalog -- they have done a ton of ineffables-through-the-ages, and their series Miracles and Heresy is worth many delightful hours of your time.

I love what @copperplatebeech has been doing lately:

He's Not My Friend is a T-rated story that explores Aziraphale's constant refusal to acknowledge his relationship with Crowley, and Crowley's mirror of that, and how things glacially shift over time. It is subtle and yet specific, it will make you ache and smile.

All Of The Above, also T-rated, is a warm and fuzzy alternative to that, a hilarious celebration of true friendship that made me laugh out loud and still got me right in the feels.

@copperplatebeech can do everything, from quiet, gentle, and romantic to devastating plotty AUs to extraordinarily horny established relationship to absolutely ridiculous humor. Do dive in if you haven't already.

Next up, @cumaeansibyl, master of kink:

better living through technology manages to shove everything I want in a dirty story into less than three thousand words: uptight Aziraphale reduced to sodden wreck, Crowley gleefully showing him what he's been missing, character-driven erotics, and exceptionally funny dialogue.

indulgentiam peccatorum nostrorum is somehow all that and more, turning the "I was wrong" dance into a kink (something I can't get enough of, recs welcome). This one is post-Bastille so it is extra-juicy. Mind the tags!

@cumaeansibyl has a gift for established relationship one-shots, which readers of mine will know are my entire jam. They also have a mind-meltingly hot inverse!omens AU that features different variations of angelic/demonic Crowleys and Aziraphales for our ineffables to play with.

A new-to-me author, Calico, has me hanging by a thread with their Ineffable Romans series. If you want to remember that your ineffables aren't human, that they are inordinately clever but very stupid, that the feelings they have for each other are truly beyond what anyone alive has ever felt, Calico may be the writer for you. This stuff is deep. Also hot af.

Sub Rosa reads like a nasty shag at Petronius', but there's so much more going on here. It is Extremely Queer, driven by power dynamics, and Crowley is fully demonic here and absolutely in control...or is he?

The Intemperance of Liber Pater continues on this theme, with dialogue-driven smut that reads less like a seduction than an inevitability. There's another story in this series, unfinished, and I can't wait to see what happens next.

Last but not least: two short pieces by @ineffabildaddy. I stumbled on their stories just this week and I absolutely love their approach, which I've not seen done quite this way before.

take me as your wife has a tight first-person perspective as Crowley meets Aziraphale for a meal and imagines (or is it his imagination?) that Aziraphale is suggesting Certain Things about how they might occupy themselves later. Indeed, is he suggesting even more? Something about their relationship? Or is it all in Crowley's head?

Only in Dreams is kind of a companion piece, from Aziraphale's point of view -- though hundreds of years later. This one's set after the events of S2 and although just as romantic as take me as your wife, it also offers an ineffable take on the ol' glory hole concept. Just in case you thought I was getting soft. 😏

@ineffabildaddy has a whole series of poems and ficlets like these and I can't wait to explore them all.

[chitra111goddess]

Let's talk about Revati women ♡

💗 Revati is ruled by Mercury the trickster and its a Pisces nakshatra so you can only imagine how these natives can cast an illusion, theyre like magicians or shifters. They're master manipulators (not in a bad way cuz they don't intend to harm others but it's like they know how to get their way and how to be perceived a certain way while being lowkey w their motives)

I noticed its easy for revati women to attract wealth through other people as well like having a sugar daddy or a provider or thro pretty privilege/using their femininity to attract. They make it seem effortless or they have this mentality of "work smart, not hard". I think its underrated how fking clever they are !

That's not to say that they can't do things on their own but they like it when others do it for them

they don't rly seem to get emotionally attached to people easily but once they do it's v deep , there's always smtg in it for them tho like they have to gain smtg from the people or the experience (mercury and jupiter influence of revati) ,, it's not wrong , cuz if it doesn't serve u why pursue it?

Example Shera seven (mercury in revati) + leighton meester as Blair in gossip girl (revati sun)

she's so funny 💀 again the epitome of don't work hard work smart, using her femininity to get her way. Revati is the type to not "need" a man but they can use one lmaoo it sounds toxic but I mean .. it works. It just feels like revati energy don't rly come from a place of need or desperation , it feels more like "been there done that" (being the last nakshatra of pisces) kinda vibe so they're not easily phased or impressed and they use whatever they got now in order to attract more

💗 The duality of revati women never misses, which makes them so interesting. There's that sweet soft girly side but also dark feminine seductive side just like with other mercury nakshatras, but revati can pull off both light and dark

I mean look at Rihanna (revati moon and asc)

Pretty girlie + bad bitch essence in one (that comes from the tropical aries too imo)

Revati women just seem unbothered like they don't rly care, which gives them this air of confidence, even if they're awkward at least they know how to PRETEND to be confident.

(Anna wintour revati moon)

This again ties to how revati women can alter the perception of others of how they're being perceived by pretending or acting like it

Another example is kristen stewart (revati sun) even tho she can be awkward but she also seems unbothered and like she don't care. And ofc Angelina jolie especially in the movie *girl interrupted* her revati moon shines through

That trickster smirk lol

They don't like to be labeled or put in a box I think revati women can be so fluid that goes to being gender fluid for some of them, they always wanna show different sides like they're not one way, they're multifaceted so people will have v different opinions on them

Im seeing alot of them rocking the Bob cut especially revati moon women

Also I have to mention revati women and their voice 👁👄👁 they always sound unique or feminine, and the way they talk is pleasing like I could listen to them all day.

Let me know ur thoughts and I might add to this later on

[fandomwritingbit]

"Not so clever now , are you?"

Michael Afton x afab/smart mouth reader

Req: "Michael x fem reader where they are always going at it, reader has a smart mouth, but one day Mike just goes full dom on her and she goes completely sub."

Hi, @exverlysano I hope this is alright lmao, thank you so much for the request xx

Warnings: bad puns and smut

Morning: 

You watch your boyfriend turn his head to look out the rear window of his car whilst he reversed into a bay, noting that he looked good while he did it, his jaw sharp and shoulders broad. He clearly knew it too, because he hit you with a cocky smirk. When he was finished you open the door to check his positioning, laughing immediately. 

“You’re joking, Mikey, you can’t leave it like that. It’s wonky as.”

He mirrors you, cracking open the door, “What are you talking about? It’s fine.” He makes a point of closing the door again, loudly, looking at you as if you’re insane, becoming annoyed when you just match the stare.

Scoffing, you just shake your head. “Nah, it isn’t. It’s wonky. Won-key.” you tease, loving the crease between his brow. “But then again, it’s not the only thing that’s wonky is it?” you giggle, nudging him with your elbow.

He rolls his eyes at you, desperately trying not to give you a reaction because he knew how much it spurred you on. So you put your hand on his arm, using your best feigned apologetic face, “Sorry, Mikey… I know positioning has never been your strong suit.” you can’t make it through the sentence without grinning, and you don’t get it all out before he unclips his seatbelt and shoves the door open to step out. 

“Oh come on!” you laugh, “Come on, Mike - it’s funny!” he doesn’t think so, leaving you to grab your bag and rush out the car.

~

Afternoon:

You watch Michael playing fifa, it’s an online game, one that looks pretty intense too. So intense that even though he has a headset on you can hear the buzz of voices, no doubt swearing at each other in frustration. Seeing that the climax of the match isn’t far away, you sit down just inside his peripheral, watching the timer count down and the movement of his fingers becoming more frantic on the controller. 

You can see the crash from miles away, your lover talking loudly, “To me. To me, I’m open, come on. Yeah-” As the teammate obeys, Mike flummoxes, literally and metaphorically dropping the ball, screwing up the shot. The roar from his headset says it all. 

He turns to you, slowly pulling it from his head, the voices still buzzing, “Don’t.” His finger came up, trying to warn you, how cute. “Just don’t. I can’t believe-”

“You ballsed it up?” You say instantly, trying to stop your mouth from curling into your cheeky smile. When he doesn’t laugh, you double down. “Away, if you don’t think that’s a good joke then you’ve moved the goalpost.” 

“I’m serious, y/n. Don’t, I’m pissed off.” He starts to leave the room, but you catch his arm, looking up at him all innocent. 

“Yeah, I can see that…” You smile sympathetically, when his face softens your mind  practically vibrates with excitement. “As a treat why don’t I go and-” you crack, “score us some pizza.” He goes stiff under your grip and pulls himself away. 

“Absolutely fuck off. You don’t know when to quit, do you?” 

“Alright, Mike. No need to kick off.” 

~

Around 10pm it boiled over. 

Ever since you started dating Michael, you took the mick out of him 24-fucking-7, and you knew you could reasonably get away with it. He was too nice to you and given it was only poking fun he tried not to take it too seriously, and mostly he could just forget about the teasing in favour of the times when you’re soft and sweet. Like when you wake up and cuddle into him with no snarky remarks exchanged. When you make him a coffee and set it down beside him with no previous conversation. When you wrap your arms around his waist in public just to breathe his scent. 

But right now, he had enough. All day it had been non-stop, a quip here, some snarky criticism there, a joke at his expense. 

You’re minding your own business, sitting at a counter in the kitchen and scrolling on your phone, seeing him come in you flash him that cheeky grin, which perhaps normally would have made him smile back. But today he just looked past you to the dirty pots sitting at the side of the sink, instantly rolling his eyes. 

“Really? You can’t clean up after yourself?” he snaps, walking over to the sink and flipping the tap on full-whack out of anger, the water splashing you both. You jump back laughing, the cold seeping through your shirt, watching him turn it back off again, the pissed-off look not leaving his face. 

Standing on your tip-toes you wrap your arms around his neck from behind, devilish smirk still strong, “That’s not the way to go about making me wet, Mikey.” Your joke makes him tense under you, and even when you pressed a kiss against his cheek he didn’t soften. 

He let you slide around him and kiss him properly, your hands coming up to rub his chest. And it was tempting to let you take the lead and forgive you for all your teasing, especially when he felt himself twitch as your hands moved lower; then it occurred to him that he didn’t have to give in easily, he could make you work to earn his forgiveness.

His hand was suddenly rough in your hair, wrenching you against the counter where he again kissed you, his tongue pushing into your mouth. You moan against him, tugging at his shirt, this wasn’t like Michael at all, but you sort of liked it. You try to pull the fabric over his head and he grunts disapprovingly, shoving you against the counter harder, taking a handful of your tits. 

“Did I say you could do that?” he speaks against your lips before tilting his head to your neck, biting down on your flesh much harder than he usually would. 

“Ah-fuck.” you pant, struggling to keep up with him, as he pulls your trousers down around your ankles, “Since when did I have to ask?” you manage to bite back, before breaking into a moan as he sucked a mark on the underside of your jaw. 

Strong arms hook under you and lift you onto the kitchen counter, his foot prying the garments from around your ankles leaving them to fall to the floor. “Since now.” He says against your skin, so firmly that you giggle, this was a completely different look on him.

Your laughing provokes him to damn-near tear the shirt from your body, then force your bra high on your chest, leaving you all but completely nude in your kitchen, whilst the man in front of you stays fully clothed looking as close to menacing as he could. 

Michael drops down to the floor, surprisingly forceful hands spreading your legs for him and holding them firm. There he runs his fingers over your folds, eliciting a pitiful sound from you. “Look at you.” His tone is sharp and the words are spoken so close to your core it makes your stomach tense, “Only time you’re quiet is when I’m giving this pussy some attention. All you think about, huh?” You would have laughed again, if not for his tongue suddenly pressing against your nerves and sending a spark through your body. God, you wanted to complain and tell him he was moving too fast but your dripping heat was proof that you didn’t really mind it at all. 

Instinctively you grab his hair, a gasp escaping your lips as he sets a harsh pace of flicking between your clit and pressing into your hole. He takes hold of your wrist and pulls you from him, holding your hand against your thigh, looking up at you with a glare of warning that killed any thought of protest you had. 

“Yeah, nothing to say now.” He muttered, this idea of showing you who's boss now fully solidified in his head, the role coming to him easier than he would’ve thought. 

You only whine in response, feeling utterly pathetic but silently thrilled. This dominance was stirring you hardcore, making a frantic coil in your core form quick and desperate. His sucking of your clit is both not enough and too much at the same time. And without his hair to hold on to, you find yourself bruising your own skin with your grip, being shoved to your end by the now brutal movement of his tongue. It hits you like a tonne of bricks, non-existent purchase making your toes curl with the waves of pleasure he just wrought from you. He grunts when he feels you clench, the reminder of how tight you’d feel around him causing pre-cum to leak from his tip. 

With no time to get your bearings, he yanks you off the counter and you habitually wrap your legs around his waist, letting him carry you towards your bedroom, not really knowing what you were getting into. 

“Mikey, what’s come over you?” you gasp when he tosses you down onto the bed, looking big and scary over you. 

He looks down at you with an almost bored expression on his face, undoing his belt as he answers, “Just tired of your shit.” 

You blink, “You can’t be seri- Mike, I only joke like that because you usually take it so well-”

“Then, how about you take it well right now, huh?” 

You’re giggling again when he takes hold of your ankles to pull you closer to him. The sight of him slowly stroking his cock making your pussy flutter with the knowledge of his size, made worse by the harsh look of his face.  

Oddly, he takes his time, dragging the head of his dick through your slick, using it to stroke himself, before notching in your entrance slowly. He just loved how your breath hitched as he sunk in, he’d never tire of the feeling of you stretching for him and right now it tasted doubly sweet.

The familiar feeling of him inside you made you moan. But something about his calmness was stirring you, making you impatient for him to fully bury inside you, so you reach forward to grab his forearms, pulling at him. And it was like a switch flipped in his brain, why the hell do you still think this is your game? Has he not been clear enough? 

Without a word exchanged, he begins thrusting into you roughly, a grunt punctuating every time he fully sheathes, his cock shoving into the part of you that made you come undone so perfectly. He takes hold of your legs and pulls them upwards to see the view of your cunt taking him in, your greediness evident in your pooling slick and the pretty noises you’re making.  

You’re blinded by his near-ruthless pace, his hips snapping into yours with a force you’d never seen from him and it left you feeling fucking stupid. The mix of your squeaks and moans and the lewd sound of his action are close to chaos, so much so that you hardly register Michael talking.

“Ah-not so clever now, are you?” 

[tired-biscuit]

stepdad!bakugo and his breeding kink hehe

cisjxjsjjx oh my god, it's all under the cut!! <3

cw: stepcest, infidelity, age gap, breeding, daddy kink. 18+ mdni / fem!reader

ever since meeting you - the young, pretty daughter of his new, albeit constantly busy wife - katsuki tries to make an impression by spoiling you rotten in all the wrong ways.

surprisingly, a huge chunk of it is with money.

at least at the start, that is.

having a salary so high he has no fucking clue on what to keep spending it on - katsuki had never really become a big fan of wasting his earnings on himself, after all; not even after he's entered his 40s - he consequently decides to buy you and your mother anything you want instead.

and really, he actually doesn't mean anything by it at the beginning. because, yes, katsuki might be a brute - a very brash one, at that - but he's also smart. clever enough to know that he should start building a relationship with his new stepdaughter as soon as possible, he understands that you're going to be seeing each other a lot from now on.

with him becoming your new stepdad, and with summer being just around the corner - the season that makes you come home from school to share a household you're not used to for a couple of months - and with a person you're not used to either - it's practically unavoidable.

all of that could bring tension, he knows that as well. so, trying to avoid the drama said tension could cause - the drama he doesn't want, mind you - katsuki shuts down your might-be tantrums with cash before they even get so much as a chance to erupt.

it starts off innocent enough. he buys you brand new textbooks and pays for your entire college tuition for the upcoming year. when you find out, he pretends to be nonchalant about it; rolling his crimson eyes and grunting that gruff, "it's whatever" as if his heart doesn't surprisingly jump the moment you throw your arms around his neck and press a fat kiss to his cheek as a thank you.

he's shocked at that. not because you're much more accepting about the entire stepdad ordeal than he's expected you to be, loving him already - surely because of his money, he suspects - but because the contact felt... good.

what's funny is that he doesn't like it when people touch him so unexpectedly like you'd done just now. he hates it, actually; outright despises it. and yet here he is... preening like a sucker.

for his stepdaughter.

so, keeping that good feeling in mind: he proceeds to spoil you even more as an attempt to make it linger. he tells himself it's all meant to keep you happy and 'bearable', but as the weeks go on, and his new wife - your mother - continues to remain absent because of her long business trips and late-night work hours; he starts buying you cute outfits, too.

outfits that he sees you scrolling through online on the new phone he got you at some point as well - all these short skirts and pretty summer dresses, oh my, what's not to love? and he sure does love them, so much that he even smirks when you jump around in glee and give him a little fashion show to show off how the new clothes fit you; the hearts in your eyes prominent whilst you twirl in front of him in the middle of his living room.

and then, it's not just about spending money anymore. he starts spending more time with you instead. by taking it easy at his job, using up his vacation days for the first time in years.

pretending it's just to get to know you better so there's no future bumps in the road that represents his marriage, he makes you breakfast, cooks you dinner. eats both with you. watches movies with you, if you tell him you want to have dinner in front of the TV. sometimes, if he's off work the next day, he even gets persuaded into sharing a bottle of wine with you.

just to take the edge off.

and then you start talking; more and more. in person, over text. your phone number soon becomes his favoured one; even more favoured over the one that belongs to his goddamn wife. he starts thinking about you a lot. obsessing over you a lot. fantasizing about you a lot. even late at night, when he should be asleep.

and goddammit, you crawl under his skin so quickly; find a way to creep into his dreams. the kind that end up not being proper at all, and that make his gaze linger on you in the morning. that make him tuck a curl of your hair behind your ear afterwards, and pat your cheek. that make him smile that crooked grin at you that you see so rarely.

and just like that: it's not all that innocent anymore.

because by the end of the month ever since you've come home from college; he's got you underneath him. just you and your big stepdaddy that likes to spoil you - like it's been for weeks on end.

just you and him: entangled in a mess of limbs right on the couch you make him watch shitty movies on when you want to eat dinner in front of the TV. just you and him: with your legs wide open and stretchy because of the wine you make him drink with you on nights when he doesn't have work in the morning. just you and him: completely naked; his big, scarred hands free to roam your skin that's been hiding underneath the dress he's bought you and that he's long since torn off of your body.

just you and him: fucking like you shouldn't.

raw.

he screws you deep and rough, the wine in his system making his face beet red during it. stretches and bullies your young pussy with his heavy cock; no protection present to keep him from feeling the full warmth of your velvety walls. until you're left squealing a series of broken, gasping pleas as you writhe on top of the couch, the occasional "daddy!" finding its way in-between all of the slutty moans that turn him outright delirious the moment he hears them leave your equally as slutty mouth.

so delirious, in fact, that he doesn't think straight, doesn't think of the consequences as he fills that young pussy right up after the second time it clenches around his dick and he feels your nails drag down his broad back - probably chipping the expensive manicure he's paid for, too. as he looks down and watches it leak his cum out when he pulls his hips back from your own slightly, making him groan something feral; head of ash blonde that's turning faintly grey at the temples tilting like an animal at the sight of the thick milky ropes to connect you both, bridging the narrow gap between your hot bodies.

it all makes him push back into you, actually - as messed up as it is. push as much of his seed right back into your tiny hole that keeps fluttering around his girth and sucking him in; persuading him to breed you some more, right after he collects himself and gets fully hard again, of course.

and the fucked up part is that he'll probably do just that. it's just too good, after all; you're just too good, too tight to resist. so eager and sugary; like a candy he never liked, but simply adores licking on now. his sweet little girl.

"call me that again, sweetheart," he rasps after a moment of thought, his voice breathless, forehead covered in caramel-scented sweat. his thrusts are slow and sloppy, but you can feel him starting to throb again. he's deep inside your belly - it hurts so good.

"call me daddy again, and i'll make sure to fuck your dumb little brains out."

[moonstruckme]

Hi my love!! I just reread your bodyguard tasm!peter parker blurb and it was so cute 😭I loved the original premise where peters spider senses got distracted because of her!! You wrote it so beautifully.

I'd love to request a part two (If you're open to that?) where he's guarding her again and we see their relationship develop a little more??

i read your requests rules and couldn't find anything about you not writing part twos, but feel free to ignore if you'd rather not! lots of love <3 <3

Hi sweetheart, thank you thank you!!

bodyguard!(tasm)Peter Parker x fem!reader ♡ 1.1k words

Peter’s staying on the ground for your sake, but he doesn’t love it. 

You’re relaxed as can be, lounging on your bed while he paces your unfairly giant room from end to end. This, he thinks, is why people hate politicians. You’ve got an ensuite bathroom the size of his apartment, and on the taxpayer’s dime. He gets it now. If you and your dad were living in a shoebox like every other self-respecting New Yorker, maybe the guy wouldn’t get so many death threats. 

“You don’t have to be all vigilant,” you say. “My dad’s not here. So long as I don’t get actually kidnapped or killed while you’re here, sitting down isn’t going to affect your performance evaluation.” 

Peter looks at you. “I’m getting a performance evaluation?” 

Your smile is lopsided and goofy. It’s humiliating how much it affects him. “No. Who would he send it to? Your employer?” 

“Oh.” He feels stupid. “Good point.” 

“Come here,” you laugh. “I got us coffee.” 

He goes to sit on your bed, mostly because he’ll do anything you ask him to. After spending a few hours hugging you on a roof, Peter’s found that he actually likes you. You’re not snooty or spoiled like he might have expected, friendly to him even though he’s technically working for you. You seem oddly down-to-earth for someone with your upbringing, funny and smart. (Smarter than him, maybe. You turn him into a blundering idiot every time he sees you, though, so it’s hard to say.) You’re surprisingly fun to be around. 

You lean over, grabbing two disposable coffee cups from your nightstand. “Do you want peppermint or caramel?” 

“Which one do you want?” 

“No way. You’re my guest, you get first pick.” 

Peter’s here on a job, but he likes your version of the story better. The idea of you thinking of him as your guest, someone invited in whom you want to please, makes an affectionate warmth unfurl in his gut. 

“You should probably have the one you want, because the other one’s going to get cold,” he says, an apology in his tone. Your brows wrinkle. “I can’t really drink through the mask…” 

“Oh.” You close your eyes, expression clearing. “God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about that.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Peter’s smiling under the mask. He wonders if you can hear it in his voice. “Enjoy yours. I’ll live vicariously.” 

“You couldn’t just lift it up enough to drink?” 

“Uh, no. The whole secret identity thing is…kind of important to the job.” 

You smile guiltily, lifting one of the cups to your lips. “Fair enough.” 

You’re silent for a minute, watching him as you sip at your coffee. Once again, making it nearly impossible for Peter to do what he’s being paid to do. He should be keeping his senses alert, watching the windows, surveilling the perimeter or whatever. Not looking into your clever, narrowed eyes and thinking about how your whole room smells like you. 

“Okay,” you say, still scrutinizing him like you’re trying to count the threads in his suit, “now I’m dying to know what’s under the mask.” 

Peter sits very still. He’s had people—fans and foes alike—try to tear it off him before, but he doesn’t think you’re like that. 

“I mean, obviously you’re tall,” you lean back on the bed, mouth pursed in contemplation, “so you’re not, like, twelve. You sound about my age…” 

“I what?” 

“Your voice.” 

“What—” He clears his throat. Tries to sound more generationally ambiguous. “What would make you think that?” 

You crack another one of those sweet, silly smiles. “Well, you’re not going to fool me now,” you say. “I’ve heard you talk. You can’t be more than thirty. Plus, when you got here, you said ‘yo’.” 

Peter really needs to stop saying that. He doesn’t even know when he started. 

“You’ve got stitches all over your suit…” you go on. “What neighborhood are you from again?” 

“I’m not telling you that,” he laughs. 

“Oh, come on.” You scooch a little on the bed, tucking one leg under you to face him more fully. Your eyes pierce his like knives. Very pretty knives. “There’s almost ten million people in New York. You really think I’m going to track you down?” 

“Your dad is the mayor…” 

“Stop.” You give his shoulder a playful shove. Peter’s mask feels suddenly warm. “Those surveillance rumors weren’t true, the tabloids made that up to mess with his re-election campaign.”

“Okay, okay. I’m from Queens.” 

You lean back on your hands, and he can’t decide if the way you’re looking at him is analyzing or flirting. “Interesting,” you say slowly. “So you’re, like, a real man of the people. Not the Bruce Wayne type.” 

“Hey,” he teases, “Bruce Wayne could’ve lived in Queens. It’s nice.” 

“But Bruce Wayne wouldn’t have to sew his own suits,” you point out. 

Peter tilts his head, blows a breath out the side of his mouth. You’ve got him there. 

“And you’re tall, clearly pretty strong, you seem smart…” You nod, seeming to have come to a decision. “I think you’re handsome under there.” 

A laugh startles out of him. He hopes it sounds casual, like it came from someone cool, whose heart isn’t galloping in his chest. Peter really shouldn’t care if you think he has the potential to be handsome under his mask. It’s not like you’ll ever find out. Still, it feels weirdly nice. 

He makes his voice light and playful. “Well, it’s good to have your approval. Now we can pretend that I’m almost in your league.” 

For the first time since he’s gotten here, you look genuinely caught offguard. “Me?” 

“Yeah, you.” Peter grins. It feels good to have flustered you. He’s missed doing that. “Who else?” 

You look away from him as you laugh, shaking your head. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” you say, “but you’re a superhero. You’re not the one who should be worried about leagues.” 

You’re cute. Peter makes a bold move, scooting an inch closer to you, into your space. He’s glad you can’t see that under the mask, his face is just as flushed as yours. “I’m not a superhero,” he says, keeping his voice light as meringue. “I’m just your friendly neighborhood Spiderman.” 

You roll your eyes. “Humble, too. Points in your favor.” 

A laugh rumbles through his chest. Someday, he’s gonna have to get Peter Parker in your orbit somehow. He wants to meet you—more than that, he wants you to meet him. He’s not sure how long he can wait. 

He decides to let you off the hook. Slightly. He reaches across you, taking the unused cup from your nightstand. “Thanks for this,” he says. “Once you don’t need me here anymore, I’m gonna take it home and heat it back up.” He grins even though you can’t see it. “Maybe I’ll swing by and return the favor sometime.”

[cyanoticfireflies]

Hazbin Group Chat Fic, pt 1

* CharChar added PurpleFemale, SeXXXySpider, SssirP, Husk, NaNaNaNiff, and Alastor to “Hazbin Hotel’s Home for Imaginary Friends” *

CharChar: Hi, friends!

SssirP: But… but we’re not imaginary.

PurpleFemale: I think it’s related to some TV show on earth.

SeXXXySpider: Shh, don’t say the T-dot-V word or flat-face will come spy on us.

SeXXXySpider: Also wow @ Husk & Alastor.  We can totally tell who are the digital grandpas in this friend group.

Alastor: I beg your pardon?

NaNaNaNiff: Ehehe, your usernames.

Alastor: Yes?

NaNaNaNiff: They’re just your names.  Laaaame.

Husk: I’m not calling myself some stupid nickname.

SeXXXySpider: Bwahaha, two seconds, kitty.  I assume you’re down at the bar.

Husk: Oh god.

PurpleFemale: Run, Husk.

* Husk changed his name to KittyKat *

* KittyKat changed his name to Husk *

* Husk changed his name to NiceTryFurball *

* NiceTryFurball changed his name to Husk *

* Husk changed his name to WhiskeyWhiskers *

WhiskeyWhiskers: This… can stay.

SeXXXySpider: I win!

WhiskeyWhiskers: If you touch my phone again, I’ll break your fingers, brat.

SeXXXySpider: Weird kink, but actually not the strangest thing I’ve done so far this week ~ <3 ~

PurpleFemale: That… that’s not okay, Angel.

SeXXXySpider: ¯\_¯\_(ツ)_/¯_/¯

NaNaNaNiff: Awww, you gave him the extra arms!!!

SeXXXySpider: You know it, Niff.

Alastor: I’ve been here approximately three minutes and already feel my brain rotting away.  Charlie, what exactly was the point of this?

CharChar: Okay, so I figured even though we all live together that we still need a way to communicate whenever we’re not actually together.

SssirP: For what, exactly?

CharChar: Anything!  If there’s just something you want to share with the group.  It can be an idea for an exercise for us or a funny joke you thought of or just letting me know that the handle is broken on your bathroom sink!

WhiskeyWhiskers: Don’t all you fucks spend enough time with each other?  And I should know – I keep getting dragged along on your little misadventures.

SeXXXySpider: Bet.

WhiskeyWhiskers: What?

SeXXXySpider: Not the kind of bet you’re used to.

SssirP: “The term bet can be used in a few different ways on social media but generally means agreed or okay.”

SeXXXySpider: Bet.

PurpleFemale: Siiiiigh.  And here we have Angel, the perpetually online e-boy.

SeXXXySpider: Uwu?

PurpleFemale: Kill it with fire.

NaNaNaNiff: Eheheheheh.

PurpleFemale: Don’t actually kill it with fire.

NaNaNaNiff: No fun :-(((

Alastor: I’m still very confused.

SeXXXySpider: Just go with it.  You’ll catch on.

CharChar: Thanks, Angel.  I’m glad someone is immediately on board.

SeXXXySpider: (bb^_^)bb

SssirP: I’m not opposed.  I’ve never been in a group chat before.

PurpleFemale: Really?  You didn’t have one for you and your egg things?

SssirP: Giving the Egg Boiz cellular phones is a very bad idea.  Trust me.  A very bad idea.

SeXXXySpider: I’m so fascinated to get that story out of you someday.

CharChar: Angel, will you help Alastor change his name too?

SeXXXySpider: Iiiii will not.

Alastor: SmArT BoY

SeXXXySpider: Eep

PurpleFemale: Eep

SssirP: Eep

CharChar: Oh, come on, Alastor.  It’s part of the fun!  Here, bring me your phone and I’ll help you!

Alastor: I assure you that I am quite fine, my dear.

WhiskeyWhiskers: She gets a pat on the head and Angel gets a vague death threat?  Checks out.

SeXXXySpider: ^

SssirP: But it is kind of fun, having a different name.

PurpleFemale: What would Alastor’s name even be?

SeXXXySpider: Honestly, he’d probably go with, like “RadioDemon” and think he was being clever.

CharChar: I’ll come up with a list of ideas!

NaNaNaNiff: RadioRudolph

Alastor: No.

Alastor: And, my dear Niffty, why are you engaging in all of this nonsense?

NaNaNaNiff: Ehehehe, because they can text me whenever they find a bug!

WhiskeyWhiskers: There’s one bothering me at the bar.

SeXXXySpider: Hey, she already tried to stab me once.

SeXXXySpider: Also, the clue is in the name, baby.  Spider.  Not bug.

WhiskeyWhiskers: Only once?  Pussy.

SeXXXySpider: (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

SssirP: Actually, that one does look like it has cat whiskers.

SeXXXySpider: (=^ ◡ ^=)

SssirP: Aww.

CharChar: You know, that does raise an important question!  Niffty, do you also go after spiders or only bugs?

NaNaNaNiff: Spiders are our friends!  They eat all of the nasty little buggies.  They tie them up and then suck them dry!

PurpleFemale: Angel, no.

WhiskeyWhiskers: Don’t do it.

CharChar: That’s….

SeXXXySpider: Don’t mind me over here deleting my half-completed text then.

PurpleFemale: Do you have any shame?

SeXXXySpider: ¯\_¯\_(ツ)_/¯_/¯

SeXXXySpider: I mean, they’re usually the ones doing the tying up, sooooooo

SeXXXySpider: Niff can be half-right.

Alastor: Regretting your decisions yet, Charlie?

PurpleFemale: About starting this group text or about life in general?

Alastor: That I shall leave up to her.

CharChar: This. Is. Fine.

CharChar: (Angel, if you need someone to talk to…)

SeXXXySpider: Thanks, doll, but my therapy comes in little plastic baggies.

PurpleFemale: Speaking of, we found the stash taped to the underside of the couch.  I believe that may have been the last one, yes?

SeXXXySpider: …

SeXXXySpider: My therapy is *supposed to* come in little plastic baggies.

CharChar: I’d say sorry, Angel, but I’m honestly not that sorry.

WhiskeyWhiskers: Good job, girls.

SeXXXySpider: Hey, Niffty, did anyone ever tell you that cats are a species of bug?

NaNaNaNiff: Nice try~

SeXXXySpider: You know, I remember someone did once call me “Whore Bug”

PurpleFemale: *Snort* What?

SeXXXySpider: Yup

SssirP: Ah, I did intend to apologize for that

SeXXXySpider: Eh, I punched you in the face. (งง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)งง  We’re even

PurpleFemale: Wait, what happened?

PurpleFemale: Also, Angel, where do you keep getting all of those?

SeXXXySpider: oo(◕␣~)oo

PurpleFemale: No

SssirP: It was when I was still trying to help the Vees.

SssirP: Before I realized that Vox is a jerk.

SeXXXySpider: ^

WhiskeyWhiskers: Not gonna lie, that’s actually kind of funny.

CharChar: Remember what I taught you, Pentious?

SssirP: Ah, yes!

SssirP: Angel, I’m sorry I called you WhoreBug.

SeXXXySpider: Thanks IG but I’m not sorry for punching you.

SeXXXySpider: Also, I’ve been called worse.

PurpleFemale: Once again, Angel.  That’s not okay.

SeXXXySpider: I’m getting tired of typing the shrug

PurpleFemale: Or you could take your own trauma seriously for, like, two seconds.

SeXXXySpider: Or I could bury my trauma in sarcasm and ice cream.

WhiskeyWhiskers: Replace ice cream with bourbon and I’ve been there

CharChar: Note to self, see if Alastor can find a therapist for the hotel

Alastor: I shall keep an eye open, my dear girl

CharChar: Do you think Rosie knows somebody?

PurpleFemale: Do we really want a cannibal living in the hotel?

CharChar: The hotel welcomes ~everybody~

SeXXXySpider: Resisting. Urge. To. Make. Eating. Joke.

CharChar: See?!  That’s growth!

SeXXXySpider: Resisting. Urge. To. Make. Growth. Joke.

NaNaNaNiff: Hehehehehe.

SssirP: I actually don’t know what the jokes would have been???

WhiskeyWhiskers: Keep that innocence, bud

(Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)